Anna sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Why?" JC asked softly.  

Her heart broke. "Because I love you too much."

"You have an uncanny way of showing it," he remarked bitterly, rolling his eyes.  

She smiled, tousled his hair, and kissed him on the cheek. "You expect too much of me," she said quietly.  

He glanced at her sideways. "How so?"

She sighed heavily and stood up. "You want me to prove how much I love you by standing by you.  Of course I won't really be standing by you because you'll be nowhere in sight.  You want me to be happy with a phone call every three days telling me how much you miss me and want to be with me.

"You want me to be excited when you call me from god-knows-where, to tell me that, in your heart, you're really still with me. You want me to sit around and wait for you. Because I love you. And I can't do that. I won't." Anna took a breath and turned to him.  She saw the way his eyes glistened and she had to make a conscious effort not to cry as well.

JC stared at her for a long, pained moment before slumping his shoulders. He cradled his head in his hands, eyes cast downward, focusing on nothing in particular. "I thought love was supposed to conquer all," he said softly, voice breaking.  

She reclaimed her spot next to him on the stoop and leaned to whisper in his ear. "Can I tell you a secret?"

He said nothing, but inclined his ear toward her.

"Love is so much more than a feeling," she began, sliding an arm around his shoulder. "It's a choice. And you're asking me to choose something that's ultimately going to make me hate you."

"Hate isn't an emotion. It's a choice," he mocked bitterly, turning to face her.

She blinked slowly and pursed her lips.

"Don't look so surprised; I can do sarcasm as well as you."

"Maybe, but it doesn't become you." Anna reached for his hands, still on either side of his head, and interlaced their fingers. "If I do what you're asking me to do, I'll lose myself. If I lose myself, you'll lose me too. Do you want that?"

JC raised their linked hands to his lips. "I want you, Anna. Whatever that means, however it means. I want to dream about my future with you and I want you to dream with me. I love you, Anna, and I want you in my life. Period."

"Dammit, JC," she tried to laugh, though it came out as more of a sob. She let go

of his hands and turned away, roughly wiping away the tears that were falling freely.

"Anna. Anna, look at me." He tried to gently turn her face to his and she pushed his hand away.

"Stop." She hated for him, or anyone, to see her cry; she knew that he knew that.

He inhaled sharply. "God forbid you show any sort of emotion," he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear.

"That...that was harsh," she said softly as she pushed off the bench.  

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I didn't mean it," he said, resting his chin in her hair. "But you don't always have to be strong. It's OK to just feel things now and then...without analyzing them to death."

"You want what I can't give you and I want what you can't give me," she stated, succinctly bringing the conversation back to the matter at hand.

"We want the same things, Anna," he reminded her.

"Maybe, but not the same way." She leaned back against him and closed her eyes.

"I love you and you love me. Doesn't that count for something?" he pleaded.  

She faced him and, placing her hands on his cheeks, tilted his head down until their foreheads touched. "Of course it counts." She brushed her lips against his. "But it won't make me change my mind. I hope you can understand that." She kissed him once more and pulled away.  

She could almost literally feel every bit of hurt and confusion in his eyes as he watched her.

He reached for her hand. "I'll never understand how you could choose to walk away from something you know is right." He let go.

"I want you to keep being my best friend. Like you've always have been," she said haltingly.  

His expression was blank as he looked down at her. "I can't do that, Anna. I can't pretend not to feel about you the way that I do. I won't."   

She smiled sadly. "Then I guess we've both made up our minds. Have a safe flight, JC."  

He watched as she turned and walked away, out of his life for good.