JC Chasez Has A Successful Solo Career: A Romance

Prologue - Dear Goodbye

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004.

JC sat on a director's chair partially in the shade of his trailer, partially in the late September Californian sun, staring up at the sky through a pair of sunglasses. The sun was so hot it burned through his black v-neck and jeans. This was his last chance. This was the album's last chance. If this single didn't stick, it would be over. Everything would be scrapped, and they would move on. The only reason they decided to make a video for "Dear Goodbye" was because of a synergy product placement/ad campaign with a mid level fashion house. The head designer had become obsessed with the album "Schizophrenic" since its release in February and had made the moves for JC to be the face of its spring/summer 2005 menswear line, on the condition that his favourite song of the album, "Dear Goodbye", would be used as the campaign's theme. In exchange for this, the company would pay for a music video where snippets would be used for the line's TV spot ad campaign. This was his last chance, but it was a hopeful one.

A journalist sat across from JC in a chair like his, wearing a similar outfit, only a white v-neck instead of a black one, her brown hair pulled back into a messy bun. She had been sent by a New York-based mid-level music publication to cover the story of JC being the spokesperson for a fashion house, and when she saw him, lounged back in the director's chair staring at the sky, she knew he was hurting. If she was a bitch, she could probe far enough to know why and get a decent story, but the jetlag was being such a bitch that she couldn't be bothered. Her awkwardness and the jetlag getting the best of her, she had been sitting across from him for a good quarter of an hour before she introduced herself. "Good afternoon, Mr...." She looked down at her notes. "Sha, Shar, Shar-zay? May I call you JC? My name's Ellie. I'm from Clefnotes Magazine, sorry, Elizabeth Argyle, I'm from Clefnotes...," she trailed off as he lifted his head as well as his sunglasses.

"Sha-zay," he said.

"Nice...How does fashion play a role in your music?"

Over the next few hours, they talked in between takes of the video shoot. She learned a little about him as he learned a little about her. He's from Maryland, and she's from Louisiana. He played football as a kid, and though she has no interest in the sport, football players have the "most. amazing. thighs."

"Dancers also have great thighs" JC said in a flirty manner.

"You DANCE?"

"I was in a boy band."

"Pfft, I knew that. I dance, used to dance, as well." She tried to save herself. "I am sooo awkward..."

"It's fine." He smiled at her. Why is he so cute? She thought to herself.

A brunette man tapped JC on the shoulder. "You're up for final call."

After a quick touch up, JC stood on the X marking in the centre of the set.

"Playback...Action," began the director. Ellie sneaked up behind the director and peered over his shoulder as he hit record. A small screen situated in front of them showed JC's face. He stood quietly, waiting for his cue, counting off in his head, making the words with his mouth. Crying desperate, fighting questions, scared to let go-ooh.  His voice ringed over the playback as he continued with the take, tears beginning to well in his eyes. Caught off guard, he tried to wipe them away with his sweater sleeve.

Realising that he was crying, tears welled up in Ellie's eyes as well, her breath taken away. The day had been so hard on her, first the jetlag, then being in such a new stressful environment. And now this. She sobbed violently in front of complete strangers, but she couldn't help it. She was feeling just so much. He seemed so sad, but so happy talking to her. It was breaking her heart, damn this empathy.

"Cut...It's a wrap," the director concluded.

After standing in front of his trailer, she was welcomed in. He was sitting at a table at the back in an oversized, greyish blue hoodie. He had requested that she stay after the shoot as he wanted to talk to her a little more in depth. After an hour or so of talking it over with his management, they had finally given the clear for him to do so. This was big, a much bigger story than what she had been sent to cover. She sat across from him. "*NSYNC's broken up" It hit her like a brick, never in her dreams would she think that she would ever cover a story of such historical weight. Alone in the trailer over the next hour, he recalled the last few years of his professional life, the group's final tour, Justin leaving, the record company's favouritism, every scheme Justin's team had played to get Justin where he was now, and finally the events of the past weekend. *NSYNC had held a charity event, Challenge For The Children,  over three days where they would hold a celebrity basketball game, as well as other events to benefit children in need. The yearly event had been held the weekend before the video shoot. JC explained that Justin, well Johnny, had confirmed that there would not be a fourth *NSYNC album, at least one with Justin. "He's too good for us," JC sneered. He recounted that since Justin wasn't doing it, no longer was he. "I just can't do it anymore. I don't know why, I just can't...I feel like shit." He slid down into his chair, tears again coming to his eyes.

Ellie got out of her seat to take him into her arms. He buried his head into her stomach as she clutched his curls with her fingers. After a few moments, he peered up at her, their blue eyes staring into each other. She wiped the tears and his hair from his face and bent down to kiss him. Shock waves went through her body as he stood up towering over her, his hot breath tickling her nose.

"Sorry," she whispered as he pressed her against the table, wrapping his arms around her torso.

He looked down at her as he pressed his fly into hers, signifying that he was gaining an erection.

"I can't do this," she said as his mouth hovered over hers, his nose brushing the tip of hers and his hot breath flowing over her lips and face. She felt herself becoming wet. "I nee-need to go." She pushed herself out from between him and the table, slammed open the trailer door, and ran to the front gates of the studio lot, "I've got my story. It's been great, thanks, bye."

As she ran into the darkness, he called for her, "Elizabeth." She stopped. No, I can't. I will never work again, she thought to herself as she took a deep breath and continued walking into the darkness.

"I've lost my cell phone," said Ellie.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't let you make calls using the studio's line," said a security guard.

"Can you call me a taxi so I can get back to my hotel?"
"Not without a security pass."

"I had a press pass, but I lost it on the studio lot. You wouldn't have let me in earlier if I didn't."

"I wasn't on shift then ma'am." Tears welled up in Ellie's eyes again. She was stranded in front of a studio lot without her handbag. She didn't have her phone so she couldn't call a taxi, nor did she have any id. She would have to cancel everything. She didn't even have the press pass she needed to go back into the lot to get everything. She leaned back against the fence and slid down it, crying. A silver Mercedes coupe pulled up on her right, the window winding down. "You left your things in my trailer," JC said to her.

She sprung up looking at him, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Shit, my mascara's running."

"It's been like that for awhile," interrupted the security guard.

She shouted back at the security guard, "Shut the fuck up." Turning to JC, "You have my things, don't you, please?"

"Girl, you better hope he has them with that attitude"

"I said, fuck off!" She peered into the car to see the ratty brown leather handbag sitting on top of a khaki green canvas satchel on the passenger's seat.

"Do you have a way of getting home?" JC asked.

"No, but my hotel's a few blocks away. I can walk."

"I'll drive you."
"You don't have to."
"It'll be fine." JC leaned over to the passenger side door and opened it. He leaned back into the driver's seat and turned to Ellie. "I'm a gentlemen, I promise," he said smiling at her.

Over the next few weeks, things had been wild for Ellie. Her editor made what was supposed to be a mere fashion column into her first cover story. The cheesy headline, "Out of Sync", was rushed to the printers. The week after she flew back into New York, a tabloid published pictures of her getting out of JC's car with smeared mascara at her hotel. Heartbreaker, the photos now pinned in her cubicle read in red and yellow print. The story mentioned something about how there was some love triangle between the two of them and some actress named Eva. There were reports over the following weeks of the two of them breaking up with cheating rumours on both sides, but the tabloid media hadn't seemed to track Ellie down.

The last few weeks had also been busy for JC. The launch of the campaign was marked with his tell all of what had occurred with the group. Justin was no longer talking to him. The only thing he had heard from him was threat of legal action for the openness of the interview, but he had the support of Joey, Chris and Lance nonetheless. He had explained to them that it was just something he needed out there. Though there were some disagreements, they had come to a point of understanding. With the news of the break up and the promo of the campaign and the single, "Dear Goodbye" had debuted in the top 10, becoming a slow burning fall hit.  JC was on every talk show, daytime and primetime, singing his heart out finally being heard as so many doors had been slammed in his face earlier that year due to the fallout made by one of Justin's fuckups. But it was ok now. The song was on the radio non-stop, and as it just made the cut-off, it was nominated for numerous Grammys, Best Male Pop Vocal and Song Of The Year, amongst others. Schizophrenic had even gone multi-platinum. The next year came with new plans, a small international tour as well as time in the studio recording his second album, but none of this would happen until after the Grammys.

Chapter 1 - One Night Stand

Tuesday, February 8th, 2005

"Elizabeth?" Maurice asked as he peered from the stack of papers he held in his hands into Ellie's cubicle.

"Yes, Mo?" Ellie responded as she spun round on her office chair, wearing a light blue turtleneck sweater and a charcoal pencil skirt covered in cat hair.

"Maurice, Elisabeth, my name's Maurice," he said to her.

She pushed the pencil she was holding underneath the messy bun on top of her head. "I know. What do you want?" she asked in her sweet Southern drawl.

"I was wondering if you were able to fly into Los Angeles next week for the Grammys?" he asked her, leaning into the wall of her cubicle.

"What happens if I say I can't?"

"You don't have a choice."

"But both of my roommates are out of town next week. Claire's going to be in the Bahamas until the day after Valentine's. We think Derek's finally going to propose."

"Well that's great for Claire, but you're my only junior reporter who's not tied up with any story this month."

Though Ellie had received a bout of good luck after November's cover story on the break up of *NSYNC, it had been no significant change in her life. "I need someone to look after my cat," Ellie half whispered, her speech deflating as she slouched into her chair. "The magazine won't pay for me to put him in a cattery for the duration of the trip, and I don't know anyone I can trust him with in the city."

Ellie had adopted Linus four years ago after he was brought into the Baton Rouge animal shelter she was volunteering at whilst on Christmas break from Louisiana State. He was given the name "Linus" when he was brought in as a four-week-old kitten wrapped in a blue baby blanket. The tiny, feeble creature that had been discovered alone, underneath a house, had grown into a mammoth of a grey tomcat who held permanent position on the edge of her couch except for feeding times and pooping, staring intensely at Ellie as she walked by, never truly forgiving her for putting him in a cage and moving him away from her parents' house and backyard into the small cramped two-bedroom apartment in New York.

"Craig and I could take him in for the four days you'd be away," Maurice offered.

"He won't like that," Ellie groaned, knowing Linus. "But I guess I have no other choice..."

"Good, I was hoping that whilst in L.A, you wouldn't mind doing a follow up on JC..."

"NO!" Ellie quickly cut Maurice off. She could not dare to think about facing JC again after what had happened in his trailer after the video shoot. "He was so rude..."

"You said yourself that he was a delight to interview."

"But..."

"His people say that he'll only do the follow up if you do it. He's apparently requested you personally."

"Shit," Ellie muttered under her breath. "I won't do it."

"You have no choice," Maurice called back to her as he walked away from her cubicle and into his office.

Thursday, February 10th, 2005.

Linus scurried off of the laundry basket, under the coffee table, and leaped onto the grey fraying couch. Ellie shook the black mini dress that she was to wear to the Grammys, folding it as she shoved it into her suitcase. Claire stood in the doorway, nursing a large glass of red wine. "Do you think you're going to see this ‘Jace' again whilst you're in L.A?" she asked. Claire and Ellie had been childhood best friends turned sorority sisters turned roommates as Claire built herself an investment portfolio whilst her college boyfriend, Derek, finished his masters in New York.

Whilst telling Claire of her trip to L.A in September, Claire had asked her if she had ‘met anyone,' implying if she had gotten laid. Though Ellie had quickly said no, Claire could tell that something had happened. Claire had managed to get out of Ellie that she had at least met someone. Ellie dared not reveal that she felt attraction towards an unobtainable celebrity, though she had let the name "Jay-sss" out of her mouth before stopping herself from saying the "Cee". "Jace, I met a Jace. He's very cute."

Ellie dared not tell Claire that she would indeed be at least talking to this "Jace" again, knowing that see would at least have to call JC to do a follow-up to their September discussion. "I really don't know. Maybe..." she said as she winded the cord around her hot curlers. "I don't really know how to contact him."

"Do you know his last name?" Claire asked.

"Yeah."

"What is it? Find him that way... call him up and then fuck him. You need it, get rid of some of your nervous energy," Claire said as she made a pushing motion with her hands.

"CLAIRE, NO! I'M NOT DOING THAT!" Ellie squealed, throwing at pair of sweat pants at her friend.

Sunday, February 13th, 2005. 

A few days later, JC sat on the white chaise lounge in his bedroom overlooking the city skyline. He was wearing tuxedo pants and an under-shirt, the rest of his tux hanging by his side on his closet door. His knees were pulled up under his chin as his tried to subside the nervous shaking going through his whole body. He listened as his managers, assistants, and parents scurried down stairs preparing for the night.

All day everyone had reassured JC that nothing was going to go wrong. "You've performed at the Grammys so many times already..." said his manager.

"But not by myself..." JC rebutted.

"You were great in rehearsals..." His father said.

"That doesn't mean anything..." JC muffled out from behind his hands.

"What if I don't win anything? Justin has two..." he whined, slumping into a dining chair.

"Winning doesn't mean anything, and neither does Justin," his hairstylist scoffed, brushing away any negative energy with a comb entwined in his fingers. "You'll get out there and you'll show everyone who the real lead singer of *NSYNC was. Now sit up, face forward. I'm trying to do my job."

He heard footsteps on the stairs as his mother came in to check on him. "Are you O.K., Honey?" she asked, opening the door.

 He rolled over onto his side as he curled up into a ball. "I want to puke."

"Are you feeling sick?"

"I'm really nervous..." Over the last year or so, he had gotten used to going to these events by himself, but for some reason, anxiety had hit him like a brick wall tonight.

"Everything will be fine," his mother said, as she ran her hand over his hair. "You've got through this so many times before, winning and losing. Whatever happens is meant to happen. There's a lady on the phone, an Elizabeth. She says that she's been trying to reach you..." She handed him his manager's cell phone, leaving the room as he pulled it up to his ear.

"Hello?" JC asked.

"Hi, JC? This is Elizabeth Argyle from Clefnotes magazine; I've been trying to call you over the last few days. I've been asked to do a quick follow up interview about how things have been going since our cover story in September. Your management have been kind enough to squeeze a call in today as my deadline's tomorrow afternoon. I understand if you're busy, but this is a case of complete urgency, and I've been as busy as you've been over the last few days," Ellie said.

"Can we please do this another time?"

"No...I really can't. It has to be now."

"Can I call you tomorrow morning?"

"I would prefer not."

JC rose up out of his ball. "Why not?"

Ellie paused, her breathing breaking the silence on the other end. "I can't do tomorrow morning," she finally said.

"Why?" he asked again.

She let out a long sigh. "Because...I'd rather not have to try to call you again whilst going through an airport hung-over. I'm planning on getting completely and absolutely fucked up tonight after I've finished working. I've got to do this silly thing for the magazine I work for at this after party at my hotel, and when I'm finished, I plan on drinking enough white zinfandel to drown a elephant."

"You should really try a Zinfandel Muscat blend."

"What?"

"Zinfandel Muscat blend. I find it to be a nice, sweet dessert wine. I'm just making the suggestion. I prefer reds myself."

"Dutifully noted. Can we please follow through with the interview?"

"Sure," JC said.

Over the next few minutes, they spoke of how busy JC's life had become over the past few weeks, as well as his reaction to his success. "It feels wonderful. I would have never thought that things would turn out so well, especially considering how last year started out for me. Things really turned out for the better."

"JC, WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" his manager called up the stairs.

"I need to go now. We're leaving for the show," he said, starting to finish dressing. "Where are you staying? I'll buy you a bottle of wine."

"It's fine. You have to go," Ellie said. "There's no need for you to do that. I'll be working late tonight."

"I'll be partying late."

"I really must let you go. I hope you win. Bye."

"Bye," JC said as she hung up on him. She was gone again. He pressed recall. "Good Evening. This is the Imperial Hotel Beverly Hills. This is Mark speaking. How may I help you?"

Ellie shook her brown curls that she had spent the last three hours painstakingly trying to form with hot rulers in her pin straight hair in her hotel room whilst watching the awards ceremony. "Bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus," she said as she combed them behind her ears away from her face. Her task for the night was to stand at the entrance of the after-party the hotel was throwing and take 80 or so Polaroids of the celebrity attendants. The celebrities would then sign the Polaroids. The most interesting ones would be featured in a style spread in the next month's issue of Clefnotes.

She gathered her purse, placing her rose pink lipstick and a compact into the inside compartment, knowing that she would be using most of her bag's space holding the camera and the four boxes of instant film. She pulled the condom she held in the secret compartment out, flipping it between her fingers as she checked the date. "AUG 2006" it said, printed on the silver backing. "Do you think it's still good? It's not like I'll use it," she muttered to herself as she placed it back into her purse. She hoisted the bag over her right shoulder as she locked her hotel room door, starting to walk downstairs to the party.

JC felt light-headed as he scanned the hotel lobby. "Two-time Grammy winner: JC Chasez. Standing ovation at the Grammys: JC Chasez." He could not believe his luck. Just a year ago he wasn't even sure if his album would be released. Now he had been blessed with more than he could ever dream of. Then he spotted her. She was wearing a tight black dress, which clinged to her ass, and tall high heels. She gracefully stepped a few steps back, wiping the curls away from her face with her right hand as she held a Polaroid camera in her left. She crossed her ankles as she came to a stand still a few feet away from her subject. "Say Cheese!" she exclaimed as the flash went off.

He walked over to where Ellie was standing. "Hey," he said as she jumped startled. She glared at him for a moment.

"Hi?" she cringed out, put on the spot.

"What's all this about?" he asked, waving his finger around at the little area she had taken over in the lobby.

"Just getting some photos for our Grammy coverage," she said as she placed the Polaroid into her bag.
"I thought you worked for a music magazine?" he asked.

"I work in the style section," she responded. "You should know this. I was interviewing you for a style column. Do you mind if I take your photo? Lucky last one of the night."

"Sure," he said, shuffling in front of the "Clefnotes" sign.

"O.K, say Cheese!" she said, triggering the flash. His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "Great! Big winning smile for a big winner." She shook the Polaroid. "Would you mind just putting a quote on the white bit under the photo?" She offered him the photo and the sharpie. "Thank God I'm wearing waterproof mascara. Your performance tonight...just incredible."

"Really now." JC looked at her, placing the picture and marker at his side.

"Okay, I hadn't done my make up by then, but I did cry," she said as she folded up the poster board sign of her magazines logo.

"I need to put this stuff up in my room, but since you're here, I'll gladly accept that bottle of wine you offered," she said as she walked over to the elevator.

"Wait!" he called out to her as he passed her the photo and marker. He smiled and waved at her as the doors closed. She read what he had written. "Nice ass."

"God damn you." She muttered, leaning back on the rail.

Over the next few hours, one bottle of wine had turned into three, sitting and talking had turned into bad drunken dancing, and playful pats from across the table had turned into full-blown making out. Ellie was sitting across JC's lap as he ran his left hand up her right thigh, grabbing at her stockings. "Why are you such a lady?" he growled, gasping for air.

Ellie chuckled. "A belle always dresses like a lady," she drawled out in her deep southern accent. "The problem isn't me. It's that you're not enough of a gentleman to stay out of my pantaloons." The two had been passing flirtations between each other all night.

Ellie pulled up her dress as she straddled him, encasing his lips with hers. He finally found the band of her stockings as he slid both his hands down them, into her panties, squeezing her ass. She let out a small yelp, giggling as she bit his lower lip. "If we're going to continue, we really must retreat to somewhere more private," she tried to say as he playfully ran his tongue up her bosom and her neck.

"Say it," he said, staring into her eyes. "Tell me what you want me to do."

She wiped his hair away from his face, putting her arms around his neck. She looked at him for a moment. If she took him up to her room, if anyone talked about it, no one would know it was her. She weighed the consequences as her nose brushed against his. Sure, she would have to deal with the guilt, but no one would know. She felt his tongue flick her top lip. She closed her eyes as she kissed him, the tip of his tongue curling over the back of her front teeth. His soft lips moving down from hers onto her chin as he leaned back into the couch, parting from her. She leaned back into him as she felt his hot breath on her lips, smelling of the wine. She rose up as she quenched her pussy, shockwaves running through the wet lips and clit. "Fuck me," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Fuck me," she said, pulling at his hair, pushing her body into his. She pressed her lips onto his as she tried to convey her need. She slowly rose from the couch, taking his hand into hers as she led him out of the hotel lounge and to the elevator. He pressed his hard on into her back as she pressed the elevator button. He pushed her into the rail as he softly bit into the back of her neck. She had been ignoring his dick as she didn't want to give off the wrong impression, but she knew that there was no going back now. She slowly slid her hand in between their bodies, slowly running her fingers over the hardened shaft through his tuxedo pants. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her from the rail, turning her as they had arrived at her floor.

He gripped onto her dress as she quickly walked to her room. She fumbled at her bra, pulling out the key card, swiping it as he started undoing her dress. She turned on her heels as she opened the door, pulling her dress over her head. She pushed him into the closed door, as she removed his jacket and tie. "Do you have any protection?" she asked as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"One in my wallet," he said as she pulled his under shirt over his head. "Good, I have one in my purse. We can do this twice if we need to. Also, I'm not letting you fuck me unless you make me come first."

"Oh my God." JC gasped, running his hands through his hair.

"It been a long time for me. I want to fucking come hard."

"You're a bit of a bitch, aren't you?" She angled her jaw as she stared at him. He quickly pushed her away from him and turned her around pressing her against the table underneath the mirror by the door. He undid her bra and slid it off her, exposing her breasts. He then pulled down her stockings and panties, revealing her pubic hair. He slid his right hand between her legs as he started running his fingers along the folds of skin, spreading her wetness. He pulled her into him as he removed his hand, trying to pull her garments down lower. He raised his right leg, stepping into the crotch of the bundle, pulling them to her ankles. She kicked of her shoes and the bundle, leaning back on his leg as she opened herself, revealing the slightest sliver of pink. He reached down and slid his fingers back down her pussy. She put her hand over his as she showed him the rhythm and place she needed him to be. His motion quickened as she run her fingernails up his arm. Her breathing quickened as she felt the tightness in her pelvis. She reached back behind her and placed her hand on the side of his head as she tightened her whole body, inhaling sharply as she started to feel herself coming. She let out a high moan she felt herself stretch with the tension, her back arching as she whimpered for him to stop.

He growled in reply, "You wanted to come. I'm not stopping until you come." She inhaled once again, holding it with her whole being, her legs shaking. She grabbed his fingers and ripped them away from her. She walked over to the bed, sitting on the corner, beckoning him over to her.

He reached into her purse on the table and opening the secret compartment to reveal the condom inside. He pulled it out as he wrapped his fingers around the package. He took off his shoes and socks as he walked over to the bed. He looked at her completely naked in front of him: her legs slightly apart, her hair falling behind her and onto her breasts as she leaned back onto her hands. She leaned forward as she grabbed and undid his belt. She slid the button out of his fly, undoing the zipper as she leaned forward to softly bite his stomach. He pulled down his pants, stepping out of them to reveal black boxer-briefs. She reached up, running her fingers down his happy trail, gripping the band. She pulled it down slowly, placing her pointer and middle finger on each side at the base of his penis. As he slid his fingers into the back of his boxers, pulling them down further, she wrapped her fingers around his cock, pulling it out from his boxers.

"Get on the bed," he told her as she slid her hand down the shaft. He stepped out of his boxers as she slid up the bed. He kneeled before her, unwrapping and sliding the prophylactic over the tip and shaft of his penis. He leaned forward and grabbed her thighs as he pulled them towards him. He pulled her legs open, pushing her knees into her chest as he placed the tip of his penis at the opening of her vagina. As he pushed himself into her, he spread his knees, locking them in hers. He placed both of his hands on either side of her as he slowly arched his butt up into the air, pulling himself slowly out of her. He leaned over her, stopping briefly to bite her left nipple, coming to meet her face to face. He reached down to start rubbing her clit again as he started thrusting into her.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She pulled her head up to kiss him again. He briefly stopped, only to start again when their lips parted. She arched her back up as she started to come again, squeezing his hips with her thighs. She let out a gasp as she dug her fingers into his flesh. "Baby," she whimpered.

"Yes, Mummy," he growled.

She snapped out of it, pulling his chin so his eyes met hers. "Don't ever, ever, call me that again," she told him sternly.

"Yes, Mummy," he said playfully, leaning down to kiss her again. She gently slapped his back. He smiled the biggest smile as he spanked her arse.

He pulled her right leg into his side as he started thrusting into her again, harder and deeper than before. His pace quickened as his grunting became louder. Ellie lifted her feet off of the bed, crossing her ankles, setting them on his ass. As he came closer to orgasm, his grunting turned into higher panting. He thrusted harder into her as he dug his fingers into her hair. She whimpered as it became too much for her to bare. He tried to kiss her mouth, missing, kissing her cheek as his panting started becoming falsetto ‘fucks'. He rammed himself into her a final time as he closed his eyes and gave off a long, high-pitched cry. He collapsed onto her.

She wrapped her fingers around the back of his head and leaned up to kiss him again. They smiled at each other as he turned their intertwined bodies over onto their sides, pulling himself out of her. She ran her finger through his chest hair. "That was amazing, you get a lot of practice, don't you?" she guessed, knowing the lifestyle he probably had.

"Yeah," he answered back. "Are you ok with that?" His face turned serious. She knew her fate. "If it was different, I would have a problem, but this is just a one time thing, isn't it?" She paused. "It's fine. We used protection." She rubbed her thumb against his temple as he slowly closed his eyes to drift off to sleep. "I was fucked by a two-time Grammy winner," she whispered to herself as he buried his face into the pillow.

A few hours later, she woke to find JC freshly showered and dressing himself in lastnight's tuxedo. "Hey," she said as he did his belt up.

"My management wants to know where I am. I kinda disappeared last night and my Mom's worried."

"It's fine," she said, lifting herself into a sitting position. "You can go, I get it." She knew her fate. He would leave her and she would go back to sleep, waking in a few hours to fly back to New York, writing what she had to on the plane. He would go about his life. She was just a one-night stand. He leaned over the bed as he put his jacket back on.

"One last kiss," he said as he towered over her, pressing his lips to hers. "Maybe we'll catch up again next time I'm in New York." He reeled back off the bed.

"Sure," she said with a note of sarcasm, knowing that they won't. "Bye." She lay back down, staring at the ceiling.

He stood for a moment at the door looking at her. He knew she didn't believe him. "Bye," he said as he slowly closed the door behind him.

He wondered why she was so skeptical as he walked down the hall. He reached into his back pocket. Maybe she's been through this before, he thought to himself, as he pulled the piece of card out. "Elizabeth Argyle: little bit of a bitch, thinks she know everything," he muttered to himself. "Well, life's full of fucking surprises, Mummy."

The next Thursday, Ellie leaped out of her chair as her cubicle phone rang. "Hello, this is Elizabeth Argyle for Clefnotes Magazine: Style section. How may I help you?"

"Hey, I'm in town. Want to get something to eat?"

Thursday, February 17th, 2005.

Ellie was woken by knocking on the front door of her apartment. Linus jumped onto the back of the couch as she rose from her sleeping position. She stretched before standing up and answering the door.

JC stood with his back to the door as he surveyed the hallway, taking in the plaster work along the hall's ceiling.

"Hey," Ellie said as she leaned into the doorframe.

JC turned to face her, smiling. "Hey," he responded.

 "You can come in." She gestured into the apartment. "I've got the apartment to myself. My roommates decided to stay a few more days in the Bahamas. I just woke up from a nap, so I need a bit of coffee. Do you drink caffeine this late?" She checked her watch as he followed him inside.

"I prefer tea, with a little bit of honey."

Ellie stuck her head out of the doorway leading into the kitchen. "Normal tea or sweet tea? I'm Louisianan, so I'm just checking."

"Hot tea," he replied. "Who's the psychology student?" he asked as he picked up the books on cognitive learning and learned helplessness.

"From his size, we think he might be a Maine Coon crossbreed. He's far too large to be a domestic tabby," she answered, mishearing him.

JC turned his head slightly to the left as he paused in thought. "Wait, what?"

"Linus, he's far too large to be a domestic tabby," she said as she walked out of the kitchen. "Let me take your coat."

JC opened the belt of his navy blue overcoat to reveal a grey sweater and a pair of jeans underneath.

"This freak cold snap has really been doing a number on my jet lag from this past weekend's trip," Ellie said as she put JC's coat into the closet by the door. "I should really thank you for Sunday night."

He glanced around the apartment. "Who's Linus?"

"Oh, he should be..." She paused before getting down on her hands and knees. "Just a minute... Hi, baby. You want to come out and meet Jace? Come here, baby." Ellie patted the floor with her fingertips. "He's hiding under the couch."

She stood up and brushed off her black sweater and pants. "I know." She walked into the kitchen and came out with a bag of cat treats. She rattled the bag before calling out in a high pitched voice. "Baby, num nums... Pavlovian conditioning," Ellie finished in her normal tone as she poured the cat treats in JC's hand.

"This is how Derek got Linus to like him, by making him associate him with food. Linus, baby, come here. Squat," Ellie commanded as JC bent down. Linus ran out from under the couch as Ellie rattled the treat bag.

JC did as she said and asked, "Derek's the psychology student, and his girlfriend?" 

"That's Claire. We grew up together. We kinda all planned our post college careers around Derek's Master's degree."

"What school is he going to?"

"Columbia. What school did you go to?"

"*NSYNC formed when I was 19. The MMC ended when I was 18. I spent some time in L.A and Nashville in 94-95. I went back to Orlando with Justin when Chris asked us to join the group."

"MMC?" Ellie stared at JC dumbfounded.

"Mickey Mouse Club."

"Oh, I fucking loved that show. JC was so...cute." She stopped as she realised what she was saying.

He looked up at her, Linus picking the last of the treats from his hand.

"You were so cute. I know where I knew you from." She ran into the kitchen, trying to avoid him.

"You don't recognise me from *NSYNC?" he said as he stood up, following her into the kitchen.

She leaned against the counter, her head in her hands. "No. I just thought you were some guy from some boy band; I didn't pay much attention to any of the boy bands of the late nineties. I was too far deep into the Beatles and George Harrison."

He walked up to her.

"I never realised you were a Mouseketeer. I had the biggest crush on you when I was 12...Your Justin is the little dweeb that joined in the sixth season, isn't he?"

"Yeah. He turned into a royal cunt." JC slowly lifted his hands to hers and wrapped his fingers around her hands, lowering them to her sides. He then brushed his thumbs across her cheeks as he held her head in his hands.

She refused to look at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes welling up with tears of embarrassment.

He wiped away her tears as he started softly singing, half whispering, half growling, "Something in the way she moves, Attracts me like no other lover, Something in the way she woos me. I don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how."

Ellie raised her arms, putting them around his neck, stretching up as she pressed her mouth to his.

A few hours later, JC lay naked on top of Ellie's bed, his firm ass in the air, trying to eat a bowl of cereal whilst trying to push Linus' face out of it. "So, why George? Why not Paul or John?"

"Why not Ringo?" Ellie replied as she appeared in the doorway in a similar state of undress. "I found some condoms in Claire's vanity." She placed the small bundle on her bedside table. She lay opposite him, taking a spoonful of cereal. She continued as she swallowed her mouthful. "If this becomes a regular occurrence, I'm going to have to go on the pill."

"You're not scared of getting any diseases?"

"We'll keep using condoms. It's just in case. I'm too young to become a mother." She turned over onto her back.

"Come on! You're at least 23!" he exclaimed.

"26, 27 in June. Far too young."

"At your age, I had sold 25 million albums."

"But you didn't have a kid, unless there's something you have to tell me?"

"Yes...there is..." he whispered, beckoning her to come closer to him. "I think Linus is just fat."

"You asshole!" She pushed him away from her, getting off the bed. "I'M going to take a quick shower. You can join me if you want," she teased as she left the room to go into the bathroom.

She turned the water on, letting her hair down as she waited for it to reach a comfortable temperature. She waited awhile, staring into the empty hallway, waiting for him to join her.

"I guess not," she said to herself as she climbed into the tub. She started to wash her hair as she came to face the wall with her back to the shower curtain.

"Hey," JC said as he popped his head in between the two shower curtains.

"AH! FUCK!" Ellie screamed, jumping against the wall. She playfully hit his chest with the heel of her hand. "Don't do that!"

He climbed into the shower and brought her body to his as he softly kissed her lips. "I'm sorry, I won't do it again." He ran his fingers through her hair as he started rinsing the shampoo out. "You never answered my question, Why George?"

"My ex-fiancé Miles was the biggest music snob ever. Well, a snob about pretty much everything: music, film, literature, politics - fierce, fierce Democrat. Seriously only attended LSU because James Carville did."

"James Carville?" JC asked as he wrapped his arms around her stomach.

"President Clinton's campaign strategist thingy. Anyhoo, Miles had such a boner for John and Paul's solo work that he used to constantly give these long speeches on how superior their solo work was to George's and Ringo's that I started saying that I preferred George's work just to annoy him. Of course, to get back at me, Miles bought me all of George's albums. I don't know why, but they were the only thing I kept after we broke up."

"What happened?" JC asked as he lathered up his hands with soap, slowly starting to wash Ellie's stomach and breasts. "What happened between you and Miles?"

"When I moved to New York to start my internship at Clefnotes, he stayed in Baton Rouge to work as an intern for a democratic state senator. Of course, the dick started fucking around on me the moment I left the state. Please don't do that." Ellie squirmed as JC started rubbing soap into the lips of her vulva.

"I'll make up for it," he said, slowly starting to run his soapy hand over her back and ass.

"You've already fucked me three times. I can't possibly think of anything else you could do to make it up to me."

He inched his way towards the showerhead, washing himself down. "I'll think of something. You finish up here, and I'll meet you in the bedroom." He stepped out of the bathtub.

She watched him through the gap he had left in the shower curtains as he dried himself off and went into the bedroom, only to return to the hallway a few moments later carrying Linus into the lounge room.

She was taken aback as she came to the realisation. "No! I'm going to have to suck his dick."

JC was lying on his left side, his head resting on his left fist, hair wet and slicked back. He gently ran his right hand up and down the shaft of his penis, waiting for Ellie to return from the bathroom. Knowing what he was probably going to do to her, she had lost all semblance of confidence. Forgoing the nudity of before, she had completely wrapped herself in a towel and was now inching her way into the doorway, the right side of her body revealed in his line of sight, her left side hidden in the darkness of the hallway.

"If I don't want to, I can say no? Right?" she nervously asked.

"Sure. If that's what you want," he said in a forced relaxed manner, knowing that she had closed herself off to him again. "If you want me to go, I'll go."

"No, stay."

"Are you sure you want me to stay here, sleeping in your bed, naked, with no pajamas or anything?"

"I'm OK with it." She looked down and stepped into the doorway completely as she watched him wrap his fingers around the base of his penis and slowly run them up the shaft, giving himself a slight tug when he reached the head.

"Why are you touching yourself?" she asked as she grasped onto the towel hem, trying to cover as much of her body as she felt herself become aroused again.

"You make me so hard. I can't help but do it. Just thinking about you sets my skin on fire. Do I make you feel the same?"

Ellie slowly stepped into the room as JC rose on the bed into a kneeling position. "Yeah," she replied.

"Let's play a game then. You lay down next to me, and then I'll kiss you. If you like it, say yes. Then I'll move on to another body part. If you say no, I'll stop, and we'll go to bed. If you're feeling really uncomfortable, I'll be happy to leave." He reached out both of his hands out to her.

"Sure, I'll do it," she said, a little surer in tone as she reached her left hand out to his right.

He wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her again. He ran his right hand underneath her towel, placing it onto the small of her back as he pulled her closer to him. As their lips parted, Ellie took a step back and guided his hand to the bottom hem of the towel.

"Pull it," she told him as he slowly pulled down, revealing her left breast, then leaving her completely naked again as it fell to the floor.

He watched her as she sat on the bed. He then scooped her legs up into his right arm and placed her on the bed so she was lying on her back. He lay back down on his left side next to her. He softly kissed her mouth.

"Yes," she said as he then softly kissed her cheek. "Yes." He then softly kissed her forehead. "Yes."

He then placed his thumb on her chin, slowly pulled her lips apart, then kissed her hard, flicking the tip of her tongue with his.

"Mmm, yes," she tried to say as he withdrew his lips from her.

He started to run his left hand up and down the side of her right thigh. He turned her face away from him and pressed his lips against her neck, softly sucking on the skin.

"Yes."

He softly bit her and then moved down, his head now above her shoulders. He traced his tongue along her right collarbone, softly kissing the middle. "Yes."

He rose back up off the bed into a kneeling position again; he then took her legs and moved her further onto the bed, making her center. He opened her legs and laid down between them, adjusting himself until his face was hovering above her breasts. He cupped her left breast in his hand and slowly ran his fingers up it until he grasped the nipple between his lower thumb and forefinger, squeezing it softly, before gently pulling on it. He kissed her in between her breasts.

"Yeah." She squirmed, moving her arms from her sides and placing them above her head. He slowly exhaled a flush of hot breathe onto her right nipple before licking it. She grabbed the railing of the bed head and pulled herself upwards in pleasure. He pushed himself forward, then slowly took as much of her right breast into his mouth as he could, sucking it until he needed to inhale, biting it as he took in air. Without removing his mouth, he slowly started flicking her nipple with his tongue.

"Fuck," she moaned, digging her ass into the mattress.

He looked up at her. "Is that a yes?"

She nodded and bit her bottom lip. She pushed his hair back as his blue eyes stared up at her. She lifted his left hand to her mouth and softly kissed the middle knuckle. He smiled before pressing his tongue to her stomach, before kissing her again.

She bit down softly on the pinkie side of his hand before he moved further down to kiss her pelvic bone as he ran his fingernails down her right side. He wrapped his arms around her thighs as he slowly pulled them open.

He looked up at her. "Yes?" he asked, his cock becoming harder as he smelled her sweetness.

Ellie let out a long exhale as she tightened her grip on the railings. "Yes," she gasped, nodding.

He parted her lips before softly kissing her at the entrance of her vagina. She shuddered as he ran his tongue up her perineum, continuing along the folds of her pussy until he stopped, lightly flicking her clit with his tongue. He repeated this numerous times, teasing her as her breath shortening in between ecstatic moans. He watched as she placed her middle right finger on her clit and started rubbing, bringing herself to climax.

I'm going to explode if I don't get to fuck her soon, he thought to himself as he watched her let out a soft cry.

She lifted her hand and grabbed his hair, pulling it softly to beckon him upwards. She leaned forwards and pressed her mouth to his, tasting herself on his lips. She groaned softly as she pushed his chest, guiding him into a kneeling position. She leaned further forward as she took his cock into her mouth, deep throating him several times before he took a large bundle of her hair and pulled hard.

"No!" he growled sternly. "I want to fuck you." He pulled at her right leg until she was on her side, trying to flip her. "Get on your hands and knees," he commanded as she followed it. He pulled her ass towards him as he rammed his cock into her pussy.

Ellie let out a sharp cry as he started thrusting into her. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," she yelped as he pounded into her.

He dug his fingernails into her thighs as he started grunting with every thrust. "Mummy," he growled through clenched teeth.

"Fuck me, Daddy," she whimpered as she flipped her head to look back at him.

She grabbed at his right hand, tearing it away from her thigh, and guided it underneath her, placing it on her clit again, signaling him to pleasure her as he did himself. She pulled a pillow to her face as she started to climax again, starting to whimper in harmony with him as he started coming. His thrusts became slower but harder. Finally, he pulled her up to him as he ejaculated into her until she was sitting on his lap. She turned her head to look into his eyes as he rested his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her. She reached her hand up to his head, stroking his hair as she pulled him in to kiss her. He slowly rotated his body until he pulled her down onto their sides.

"Thank you," she whispered as he buried his face into her neck.

He started kissing her along her shoulders as she placed his right hand on her belly, rubbing his thumb with hers.

After a moment, he asked, "Why is your bedroom pea green?"

"I honestly don't know." She giggled in response.

He paused before saying, "I need to tell you a few things. If you don't want to call me JC, I would prefer it if you called me Josh, or Joshua."

"OK," she replied.

"I should have told you this earlier, but I've got a bit of a cold."

"Now you tell me."

"You wouldn't have had sex with me if you knew."

"I'm not sure about that."

"I'm not too sure either."

"If it was any other disease, it could be illegal if you didn't tell me."

"I would have told you if I was HIV positive. I'm not. I'm not HIV positive. I don't have herpes, nor any other sexually transmitted diseases."

"Neither do I."

"Good, my parents adopted me when I was five. My mother was a teen mom. Though she tried her hardest, she couldn't take care of me, give me the life she wanted me to have, so she asked her foster parents to take me."

"My roommates are coming home tomorrow. If I get you out of the house by 10:30 in the morning, we should avoid them."

"My middle name's Scott, and you still owe me a blow job."

"Rosemary, now or later."

"Sleep now, blow job later."

"OK, one last kiss," she said as she turned her head to meet his.

"Goodnight, Elizabeth Rosemary."

"Goodnight, Joshua Scott," she said as he settled down, pushing his legs up in between hers as he fell asleep inside of her.

Over the next few hours, they faded in and out of sleep, playing with each other's hands and softly kissing each other. They were awoken at 10:47 am by the apartment door opening followed by Linus's loud crying.

"ELIZABETH ROSEMARY ARGYLE, YOU WILL NOT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT- HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Claire yelled as she stormed into the apartment. Her look of shock turned into a wide, devious smile as she looked into Ellie's open doorway, her eyes darting from JC to the bundle of condoms on the dresser.

"My, My, My, what a fine man you've got in your bed this morning, sweet Elizabeth," she said in a put on Cajun accent, slightly thicker than her own. "And good for you for using protection." She pointed at them.

"What?" Derek asked as he slid past her to put their luggage in their bedroom.

"Ellie has a man in her bed, and he is fine," Claire responded.

Ellie sat up, trying to wrap the quilt around her. JC placed a pillow over his crotch as she stood up from the bed.

Derek came to the doorway. "Hello...that's the dude from *NSYNC."

"No! It's not!" Claire exclaimed.

"No, it is. It's the guy she interviewed in August. The one that dropped her off at the hotel."

"Seriously?" Claire look at Ellie, "Is this Jace? Did you bring him home from L.A.?"

"JC," JC said under his breath as Derek corrected Claire.

"There's no Jace, or Jason in *NSYNC. There's a Justin, a Joey, Chris, Lance and the other one," Derek continued as he walked back into the lounge room.

"JC," JC said in a louder voice.

"That's it, JC," Derek replied.

"I'm JC," he called after Derek.

Derek emerged back at the doorway. "Well, I'm Derek, and this is my fiancé, Claire."

"Fiancé?" JC and Ellie said in unison as Ellie sprang up from collecting their clothes from the floor.

"Don't you want to tell her our news, Claire-bear?"

"Oh, we knew you were going to propose, but THIS," Claire said as she made a circular motion with her finger at JC and Ellie, "This is some goddamn news."

JC coughed into his hand as Claire placed the cup of tea in front of him. She returned to the kitchen to attend to her pot of grits, passing Ellie as she was on the phone.

"I'm coming down with a bit of a cold. I must have caught it on my trip to L.A." Cough. "I'm just so fatigued. I slept way too late this morning. I pretty much finished everything I was assigned. One day won't hurt." She paused for a few minutes. "Thanks, Maurice, I'll see you on Monday." She hung up the phone and kissed JC on his temple as she went down the hall.

"She likes you," Derek said to JC.

"I like her, too." JC replied.

"Marry her."

"Claire!"

"What? He should. There is no other person who will love him more."

"What Claire is trying to say is that Elizabeth is a funny little thing. She's very quiet, closed off to most of the world. But she's a nice girl: sweet, smart, funny. She'll open and shut herself off on you at first."

"I know," JC said as Derek took a sip of his coffee.

"But once she loves you, she will open herself up to you completely. She will do anything, anything for you. She would move the Appalachians for you, grain by grain, and the Mississippi, drop by drop. But she has a line. If you cheat on her, you're gone. She made that mistake once. She's not doing it again. She gave six years of her life to that piece of shit..."

"Miles," Claire called out of the kitchen.

"Yes, Miles." Derek nodded and continued, "If you hurt her even a fraction of a millimeter as much as he hurt her, we will track you down and fucking kill you."

"Got that." JC nodded.

"No, I don't think you do," growled Claire, placing her hands on the dining table. "If you hurt her, I will track you down, skin you and wear your pretty skin as a fucking trophy. If you hurt her, we will fucking kill you."

"I'm out!" JC said as he got up from the table. "I've got things to do, appointments to keep."

"Baby, what's wrong?" Ellie asked as she followed him as he got his coat from the closet and walked out of the apartment.

"The Blonde, she is fucking scary," JC said as he pointed towards the closed apartment door.

"That's just Claire," Ellie said.

"And you have no problem with that." JC pulled his coat on.

"It's just something we say about our kin. We don't mean it most of the time. If this goes anywhere, you'll probably hear it a lot. I swear that the only one who will actually do it is my Daddy," she said, trying to comfort him as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Where's Miles, what happened to him?" JC asked in a fretful manner.

Ellie reassured him, "He's in Baton Rouge, doing what he was four years back, getting coffee and typing letters, only getting paid now. Dumbfuck ain't going nowhere without his Daddy's help, and his Daddy's ain't doing shit for the Democrats."

She looked up at him. "He only married his wife ‘cause she's his boss's assistant's daughter. I need to tell you something; Miles and I were never exclusive. Well, I was, but he wasn't.  We were homecoming king and valedictorian whilst he fucked around with the whole cheerleading squad-- well, everyone except Claire. I literally put up with it for six years. I denied it, pretended it wasn't true. But it was.

"When he proposed, he said he wouldn't anymore, and I believed him. And I was stupid for that. It is the stupidest thing I have ever done. But I thought he was supposed to be my husband. So I just took it. But I won't anymore. I won't take it from you. I don't care how rich you are, how famous, how many records you've sold or awards you've won. I'm not doing that again. If you decide to call me again, no more. Nothing. No groupies, models, shitty actresses. No one. Nothing.

"If you want to go now, I'm ok with that. I'd rather it end now than in six years because you're fucking a filing clerk."

JC thought for a moment. "I want this, I want you," he said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"I want this, too," she replied.

He bent down to kiss her. "Baby steps though, please."

"Sure," she said as he pressed his lips to hers.

"I need to be somewhere at one." He pulled away from her. "One last kiss," he said, kissing her again.

 She walked him down to the front door of the complex, her hand in his. "You come back now. I owe you a blow job."

He smiled a wide grin as he kissed her again before stepping out into the late February morning. She watched him as he hailed a cab and waved to him as he looked back at her before he got in and drove away.

Chapter 3: 100 Ways

Christmas Night, 1982.

Elizabeth, named for her great-grandmother, spun around her grandparents' living room in her white lace Christmas dress. Her Grandpappy sat in his favourite chair by the fire. "Come here, Baby," he said in his Cajun drawl as he patted his knee. He lifted her up as she cuddled into his barrel like chest.

"Tell the story of your wedding again, Pappy?"

"Well, Baby, it was Christmas 1941, and Pearl Harbor had just been attacked. I had joined the Navy and was scheduled to be shipped out to Brisbane in the new year. Your Granny and I had been dating for a while, and when I joined up, she had promised that she would wait for me. But just before Christmas, Santa delivered a telegram from the stork saying that in the summer we were to expect your Daddy. So your Great-Grandpappy stormed down from Lafayette with a shotgun and swore that if I didn't make an honest woman out of his Jean, he would do more damage to me than any Japanese soldier, airman, or otherwise ever could. So on Christmas Eve, your Granny and I went into Baton Rouge, got married at City Hall, and stopped by the drug store for our rings and a piece of cherry pie."

"I like cherry pie."

"I do, too. That's why we have it every year at Christmas. ‘Cause it was the only thing in the whole store your Granny wanted to eat, and that's the only thing we had on our wedding day, and we got married on Christmas Eve."

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005.

Ellie looked out the window, watching the scenery as her taxi drove through the Hollywood Hills. She was in L.A. again on an assignment covering the style choices of a range of celebrities in the lead up to and in the aftermath of the Oscars. Instead of staying at her usual hotel, when she called the day before to say that she was going to be flying into L.A., JC insisted that she stay at his place whilst she was in town.

The taxi dropped her off at the gates of a modest two story house, though she could tell that it was on the edge of a cliff. She paid her fare and pressed the buzzer on the call box.

"Hello," a man's voice said over the speaker.

"Good Morning. Um, it's Ellie," she responded. The gate opened as she picked up her suitcase and made her way down the driveway. She was met at the door.

"Carlos," he said as he extended his hand. "JC's out at the moment. He'll be back in a few minutes." Carlos went back to his phone call, walking into the back of the house. "I thought he said that she worked for a fashion magazine."

"I'm a reporter for the style section of a music magazine," she called out to him.

"Just another one of his cuddle buddies, she'll be gone soon enough," he said to the person on the other end in the kitchen.

Ellie looked around the foyer. It was light blue with white furniture and the occasional glass sculpture. Most were made of white or clear glass, but one sat on a table made of clear green. She stepped closer to it, taking a closer look, noticing that it was made of an old warped Coke bottle. She looked over to her right and jumped in fear, noticing the Picasso print.

He lives in a fucking museum, she thought to herself. She inched closer to the cast iron railing, noticing that there was a flight of stairs leading to a bottom floor. She stepped halfway down, looking at what might be down there, seeing a large black leather couch and a row of shelves.

This place is the freaking Tardis. Looks small on the outside, bigger on the inside. She made her way up the stairs and walked around to the stairs leading to the top floor. There was nothing of interest in her line of view, only a potted plant and some doors. She walked back down into the foyer and sat on a chair by the door. After a few moments the door opened, and JC came into the house wearing a black t-shirt and sweatpants, perspiring from a workout.

"Hey," he greeted her, his face lighting up in a big smile.

"Hi," she answered as he pulled her into his arms.

Though it had only been four days, he kissed her like it had been years. She made a soft grunt as she took in his smell. When they met, he usually smelled of some cologne, sandalwood or something, but now he smelt as he did after he had made love to her. She buried her head into his chest as she grabbed his t-shirt in her hands. She was reminded of why she was here and how good it felt to have him inside of her. She gasped as he let go of her, walking into the kitchen.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked her as he opened the fridge. "You can go now, Carlos, I'll be OK." He turned to Ellie as he took a bottle of water out. "He was only here to let you in. He's not usually here when I'm not working."

Carlos grabbed his things off the kitchen table and looked down and up at Ellie before looking back at JC, pausing before he left the house.

"He's always like this with the women I sleep with. He'll warm up to you eventually." JC twisted the cap off the bottle and started drinking, elongating his neck as he downed most of the water. Ellie stared at him, transfixed.

"You can take your chin off the floor, now."

"What?" Ellie shook her head, awaking from her thoughts.

"I'll show you the house." He spun around slowly. "This is the kitchen. Through there is the dining room." He pointed to an archway leading to a room with a large dining table. He walked past her back into the foyer and opened a door on the right.

"This leads to the garage. There's a bathroom through there," he explained, pointing to the left. He made his way down the stairs. "This is the living room. I think you can imagine what's in here: TV, gaming consoles etc." He walked over to a heavy door on the far side of the room. "This is my writing room. I write songs in here and such."

Ellie expected some old fashioned library parlour as she looked through the door, but she found a desk with a computer on it and a lot of electronic keyboards.

"It's kind of drab. Why do you have so many keyboards?"

"They're not all used for the same thing."

"Oh, OK." She followed him back to the stairs, stopping to watch him as he made his way up, admiring his ass through his sweatpants.

He waited for her at the top of the stairs and called down to her. "Coming?"

"Please," she whispered under her breath. "Yeah," she called in response. She picked up her purse and suitcase as she followed him up the stairs to the top floor. She put her hand over her mouth as she saw the black grand piano taking up most of the landing. "Shit."

"What?"

"Whenever I see a piano in a weird place, I can't help but think about what had to occur to get it there."

"Have you ever been berated by a piano mover in Spanish?" He face lit up as he answered his own question in a sing song tone. "I have."

"What happened?"

"My ex decorated and insisted that the piano be up here."

Ellie looked around the house and started seeing a blonde swimsuit model in everything. "Is everything still the same?"

"No, most of her essence left with her back in 2001. But..." He motioned both his hands towards the piano. "It's a fucking grand piano. It kinda had to stay where it was. I mean Chris and I had some work turning it around. But I wasn't going to break his back trying to move it." He walked over to the doors. "That's the guest bedroom."

Ellie took the door handle and opened it. The room was small and the same colour as the upstairs landing. Inside was a queen bed with a green and white floral quilt set. She set her suitcase on it, forgetting what kind of guest she was as he spoke.

"You're staying in my room with me."

"Right."

"That's the guest bathroom through there." He motioned to the door opposite the bedroom before he crossed the landing. "And this, the final room on our tour," he said as he waited for her, "is my sex dungeon." He paused briefly, allowing the words to sink in.

She immediately pictured a bright red room, filled with whips and chains with a leather bound sawhorse in the centre. She slowly exhaled as she imagined herself bent over, him fucking her from behind.  Yes, Daddy, she thought to herself, her pussy quivering in anticipation.

He opened the door to reveal the master bedroom, painted a soft light green, a sprawling wooden king size bed with cream sheets on one side of the room, a mirrored dresser on the other. She almost deflated in disappointment.

"It was a joke," he said.

She looked back up at him with a disgruntled look on her face and playfully hit him with the heel of her hand. "That's not something to joke about."

"Yes, it is." He laughed as he scooped her into his arms and threw her onto the bed. She bounced on it a few times before stopping to watch him take his shirt off.

"I'm going to take a shower." He walked over to the doors near the dresser. "Wardrobe on the left, bathroom on the right." He opened the bathroom door, revealing a dark blue and white marble tiled room with a large claw bathtub and a large shower.

"You are such a fucking tease," she called after him as he turned the shower on.

"Excuse me, I can't help it if you can't control yourself in the presence of a gentleman," he replied as he stepped out of his trousers.

"I can't help it. You're such a good lover," she playfully whined as she rolled onto her stomach.

"Takes one to know one."

"I'm sorry?"

"Takes one to know one," he repeated as he stepped into the shower.

She watched as he started to wash himself off. "Is that a challenge?" she whispered under her breath.

He came to face her, motioning to his dick as he yelled over the water, "Suck my dick."

She leaped off the bed and ripped her clothes off. She slid the shower door open and repeated herself, "Is that a challenge?"

"Yes, suck my cock."

She pushed him against the wall and grabbed his head, reaching up to kiss him. She grabbed his side with her hand as she pulled herself away from him. She kneeled in front of him and took his cock into her mouth, looking up at him, as she started deep throating him. He sharply inhaled as he watched her. She took his cock out and flattened it against his stomach, licking the underside from his balls to the head. She softly sucked on his right testicle as she placed her fingers underneath, starting to stimulate his perineum.

"Oh, fuck," he groaned as she started sucking his cock again.

Unable to wait any longer, she took her fingers and started rubbing her pussy, quickening her rhythm as she felt herself come to climax. She stopped as she came, moaning with him at the back of her throat. She withdrew him from her, staring up at him. "Why is your cock so big?" She ran her tongue up and down the shaft as he started pulsating, coming over her face, neck, and breasts. She wiped herself instinctively as he slid down the wall, unable to hold his weight.

Friday, February 25th, 2005.

Ellie sat on the kitchen counter in one of JC's purple dress shirts. Even though she had packed enough, she had soon taken to wearing whatever clothes he allowed her to. Which, she was discovering, was pretty much everything he owned.

"You look sexy in them," he told her as she had put on a pair of his jeans yesterday.

The sun was setting as he made her a peanut butter sandwich. She took a sip of red wine before she asked him, "What do you what to do over the next few days? I leave on the 2nd of March, remember?"

Over the last few days in between their work schedules, her performing interviews with the subjects of her assignment, him doing generic studio work and a few rehearsals for an upcoming show, they had mainly been staying at home, watching TV or love making.

"I've got that show tomorrow night, but we can go out on Monday night, if you want," he said as he placed the sandwich in her hands, kissing her before she took a bite.

She waited until she had mostly finished her bite, placing her hand in front of her mouth. "I want to cook for you on Tuesday. We've eaten mainly Chinese takeout and pop-tarts since I arrived."

"I don't cook." He took a bite of his own sandwich, leaning against the counter next to where she was sitting.

"I know. I won't be able to look at a blueberry pop-tart the same way again."

"Well, what do you want then?"

"Mac and cheese."

"I can't make that." JC took their plates and put them in the sink.

"Everyone can."

"The box stuff or the flour and cheese stuff, ‘cause I can't do the latter."

"I can."

"'Cause you're a girl southerner thing."

"I actually learnt how to make mac and cheese from my scout leader, thank you very much."

"OK then, Miss Girl Scout, what is your favourite thing to cook? We'll have that." He pulled open her legs and pulled her towards the edge, wrapping himself in them.

"For dessert, not for dinner."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"What do you want?"

"Sushi," he suggested as Ellie makes a disgusted face.

"I can't make sushi, and ew. What's something you can't get here that you can get in the south, some home cooking?"

"OK then, a crab boil."

"Louisianan or Maryland?"

"You know the difference?"

"My uncle works up in Washington. Apparently you guys steam them," she said as she put her hair up into a messy ponytail.

"Yeah."

"I'll call him and get the recipe off my aunt. I'll make that for you."

"You think you can do that?"

"I'm Cajun. My blood is spiced with crab seasoning. Also, my daddy made sure before I moved out that I could cook."

"OK, then what's for dessert?" he said before lightly kissing her.

"Your ass." Ellie smirked.

"Really, now?"

"No, cherry pie."

"Ellie!" he exclaimed.

"No, really. I fucking love cherry pie. My grandparents got married right before Christmas. So, we have cherry pie every year at Christmas because, with her morning sickness, my granny only wanted cherry pie at the drugstore they stopped at after they got married."

"Let me guess, there was a gun involved?"

"Yes, a .42 caliber shotgun."

"Is everyone you know crazy?"

"Yes, that includes you." She leaned up to kiss him.

Sunday, February 27th.

JC waited at the foot of the stairs with his manager Eric, assistant Carlos and stylist Jules.

"How long do you think she's going to be? We have to be there in 45 minutes," Carlos said as he checked his watch. JC was booked to play at the Oscars party of the fashion house he was the spokesperson for.

"I could've gotten her a dress, you know," Jules said in an offhanded remark.

"She brought one she wanted to wear," JC replied.

"Are you sure, ‘cause ever since she got here I've only seen her in what she arrived in and your stuff?" Jules remarked, checking his nails.

"She did bring a very small suitcase, an old-fashioned blue thing. Then again, you don't need much if all you do is sleep and fuck." Carlos adds.

"Will you stop being such a prick, Carlos?" JC snapped.

"Not until she's gone." Carlos snapped in reply.

"What if she doesn't?"

"Oh, she will, they all do." Carlos sneered, nodding

"Who?" Ellie asked as she made her way down the stairs, wearing a halter neck dress with white polka dots on black satin, its skirt flaring out over a white crinoline.

"Wow," JC gasped.

"Black and white polka dots. She is from the south," Jules said as he made his way out the door.

Eric, JC's manager, pulled Ellie aside as they went outside. "I'm sorry for those two."

"It's fine. They're just protective of him."

"It's just that..." He paused briefly. "We see a lot of women come and go, a few for the wrong reasons."

"I'm not like that."

"We can't be sure."

Eric guided her into the limo. They sat for a view moments as they started to go to the venue, Ellie stewing in anger.

"What does the terms ‘cuddle buddies' mean?" she asked, breaking her silence.

"I'm sorry, what?" Eric asked as he raised his eyes up from his Blackberry screen, having misheard her.

"WHAT DOES THE TERM ‘CUDDLE FUCKING BUDDIES' MEAN?"

"Calm down." JC whispered, taking her hand. She shook it away.

"NO, I WON'T CALM DOWN, I'M NOT SOME KIND OF GOLD DIGGING SLUT. I HAVE A DEGREE AND A JOB, ONE THAT TAKES MORE INTELLIGENCE THAN GETTING COFFEE AND CLOTHES FOR A FORMER BOY BAND MEMBER. I WORK, AND I WORK HARD."

"Will you please lower your voice," JC pleaded with her.

"NO, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T PUT YOUR DICK INTO HALF OF THIS GOD AWFUL TOWN..."

"Ohhh, she is gone." Jules cooed, amused at the turn of events.

After they got to the venue, JC's entourage watched through a glass window as JC and Ellie argued. Eric knocked on it to remind him that he needed to be on stage. They stood in silence for a moment. "You could stick up for me," Ellie said, tears coming to her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said as he was pulled onstage.

Ellie sat on a couch in a far corner of the banquet room, planning her escape. She could get into a taxi and just fly back to New York now. She had her wallet and cell phone. She would only lose a small amount of things at JC's house. Unfortunately, this included her computer as well as all of her notes for her story. Of course, she could just say her computer died, or that she lost it in transit. She could file it as a work expense and get the magazine to buy her a new one. Or she could ask Maurice to contact JC's people to send her her things back.

A sandy blond man who had been talking with Carlos came up to her. "Hello," he said in a deep voice. "Are you Ellie?"

"Yeah, can I help you?"

He sat down next to her and took her hand. "I'm Lance, JC's former bandmate. I saw him come in with you. Are you OK, Honey?"

"I just...they think I'm not with JC for the right reasons."

"A lot of people haven't been."

"Why do they think I'm one of them? I've earned everything I want myself. There is literally nothing he can give me."

"I'm going to be honest with you. JC is a man, and I'm not absolving myself here, I do this, too. But all five of us have people throwing themselves at us constantly. They're just opportunities. Sometimes we take them. There have been girls like you who have stayed a little while and left, there are some who took too much. We all care for him and don't want to see him get hurt again."

She thought for a moment, thinking of what her friends were saying a few days ago. "I get it."

"He likes you. He did something for you. Come with me." Lance took her hand and led her up to the front of the stage.

As JC finished "Everything You Want", he grabbed a guitar and slung it over his shoulder. "I don't know if I should still do this," he said into the mic.

"Sing it," yelled Lance, pointing at Ellie.

"OK, Um." He started picking at the strings. "So, I met this girl, she's nice. She doesn't really like what I usually do on stage. She likes George Harrison and Doctor Who. And cherry pie, ‘cause her family has it every year at Christmas. I think she might also like me. She likes my butt. She definitely likes my butt. I like hers, though, so it's cool. Anyway, this was the first song I sang for her, and I've been thinking about it the last few days, what it's about, about how sometimes, you just know, you can see it in what they do when they're around you, like how they make you feed their cat so their cat will like you, or they will stare at you when you're drinking, or stay at the bottom of the stairs to stare at your butt, or how they will make you food you like, despite the fact that they have to call their uncle for the recipe.

"And you do things too, like stealing their card from their purse so you can call them, or how you don't call the police after their friends threaten to kill you. OK, I'm kidding about the last two...No, I'm not...No, really, I am. Being serious though, you listen to them, because when you met them, your world kind of expands. It isn't just you anymore, ‘cause, like being in a foreign country for the first time or something, you want to learn as much as you can. You also do things you have never done before, like learn how to play a Beatles song at 3 am whilst they sleep upstairs, or tell your assistant and stylist that they're a bunch of cunts at an Oscars party for making the insinuation that she is some kind of whore, and then proceed to play said Beatles song whilst not caring what you've just said because when you like someone, you need to call out your friends when they're not being fair to her. This is ‘Something'."

He started singing, gently picking the melody on the guitar. He sang the verses softly, belting out the bridge, "You're asking me will my love grow, I don't know, I don't know. You stick around now it may show, I don't know, I don't know." He held the last note, stopping his strumming when he ran out of air.

"Holy fuck," Ellie said in amazement.

"I know, best vocalist in the world," Lance said as he puts his arm around her. "He's never done this you know. Played for a girl on stage. You're special, I can tell."

"Ah, Elizabeth." They turned as a German man approached them. "This song is about you, no?" He kissed her in greeting.

"I'm pretty sure it's about George Harrison's first wife."

"No, no. He's singing it for you?"

"Yes, he is."

"You two in love? I knew it the day you met."

"No, we're just starting out. We're not in love yet."

"I'm not sure. He sings like a man in love."

"Who was he?" Lance asked as he walked away, singing.

"The designer."

JC and Ellie tumbled into the front door, giggling and drunk. They ran upstairs to the bedroom. She kicked off her heels and started singing, "Yeah I, I'll tell you something, I hope you understand."

He joined her as he pulled her in, swaying back and forth in a drunken slow dance. She stepped out and twirled, knocking into him as she tried to take his hand again. He wrapped both his arms around her and lifted her up to kiss her.

"Make love to me," she requested, putting her arms around his neck. "Wait, wait. I did something for you." She pulled her dress over her head, shimmying it off. With this motion, she revealed the lingerie she had bought for that night, a black lace corset and panties set, suspenders holding up thigh high stockings.

"Oh, fuck, wow, all this sexy for me!" JC exclaimed as he spun her around. "I feel bad; I didn't do anything for you."

"You sang that song."

"I always sing that song, the Bye Bye one. I am very very drunk."

"We are both very very very very very fucked up," she said as they collapsed on the bed, Ellie fumbling at the corset, finally managing to pull it off over her head. When she looked at JC laying next to her, he had dozed off. She pulled the covers over them, snuggling into him as she fell asleep.

Tuesday, March 1st.

They sat at the kitchen table, that day's L.A. Times spread out and covered in crab shells. "Holy shit, that was good. I'm impressed with myself," Ellie said as she rubbed her stomach.

JC took a swig of beer. "Good thing you forgot to make that pie."

"What are ‘cuddle buddies'?"

He put the bottle on the table. "It's the code name my crew give to the women I sleep with."

"Why?"

"It's a cleaner way of saying ho, I guess."

"Would you say that they were all hos?"

"No, then that would make me King Ho. You would be my current consort ho, and you're not a ho."

"Do you think you can stay faithful to me?"

"At the rate we're going, yes, very much yes."

"How many times have we fucked this past week?"

"Did we have sex on Sunday night?"

"No."

"Six...teen?"

"Plus four? This morning was our twentieth. High five," Ellie said, raising her hand up.

"No." He took another swig of beer.

"Party pooper." She lowered it. "When do you think you can be in New York next?"

"I've got an Asian tour over the next two weeks. I could fly into New York from Japan on the 17th."

"Awesome. I'll miss you."

"Do you think, when this meal settles, we could try for twenty-one?"

"We could try for twenty-two before I fly out tomorrow."

"Sure."

"Good." She waited a moment before she slowly raised her hand again, snickering.

He quickly returned. "Awesome."

Wednesday, March 2nd.

Ellie sucked on a cough drop as she made her way through the domestic terminal of LAX. She had woken up with a sore throat that morning. Despite this, she and JC had made love, gotten ready and left for the airport in the same car. She parted ways with him at the front, him holding her back, unwilling to let go of her hand. Finally, she managed to slip away, explaining that she was going to miss her flight.

"Wait!" She turned as he ran up to her. "One last kiss."

Chapter 4 - Come to Me

March 3rd

New York - 5:30am - Sydney, Australia - 9:30pm

JC picked up the hotel phone and dialled *8.

"Good evening, Sydney Intercontinental Hotel front desk, how may I help you?"

"Hello, I'd like to make an outgoing call. Can you please connect me with an operator?"

"Sure thing, Mr..." There was a pause at the other end of the line. "Chases. I'm redirecting you now. Have a good evening."

JC had landed in Sydney only an hour earlier. He sat on the hotel bed with the only thing resembling a meal in the mini bar, a packet of chocolate-coated sandwich cookie things, spread out in front of him. Why are there eleven in the pack? he thought to himself.

"Good evening, Telstra Information. How can I help you?" the operator introduced herself.

"Hello, my name is Joshua. I'd like to make a call to New York?"

"Glad to help you today, Joshua. Just dial 00111, then the area code, then the number."

"Thanks, but I was wondering if you could please connect me. I'm calling from a hotel."

"Of course, can you please give me the number?" JC told the operator Ellie's home phone number. "OK, I'm putting you through now. Have a wonderful evening and a wonderful time in Australia, Joshua. Thank you for calling." There was a click, a tone and a faint buzzing noise, and after a few moments, Ellie's home phone rang.

"Jesus H. Christ, at this hour?" Derek moaned as he was awakened. "Do I have to get it?"

Claire groaned.

"I'm not getting it, someone else can."

Claire groaned again, hitting him with her hand. Muffled by her pillow, she said, "Someone has to get the phone."

"Get the fucking phone!" Ellie yelled from her bedroom. The machine got the call.

Claire's voice rang out through the apartment. "Hi, this is Claire, Derek and Elizabeth's answering machine. We're out right now, and Linus doesn't have any thumbs, so leave your message after the beep." The machine beeped.

"Ah, I'm calling from Sydney. It took a lot to connect this call so I'd appreciate it if one of you picked up."

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, I'm coming, don't cut off, don't cut off." Derek ran for the phone in his underwear, a pair of red briefs. He picked up just in time. "Hi, JC. How was your flight?"

"It was good. I'm calling for Ellie. I was wondering if she got in OK?"

"She got in just fine, a slight tickle in the throat."

"Can I speak with her?"

"Um, sure." Derek walked to Ellie's door, knocking. "Ellie, phone."

"I'm sleeping."

"It's JC."

"Fine." She flopped her hand on top of the covers. "What?" she grumbled, fumbling for the lamp switch, checking her watch. "Go," she whispered, motioning for Derek to leave. "It's half past five in the morning."

"I just wanted to see how you were. Did your flight get in OK?"

"Yeah." She pulled the phone away as she coughed. "Ew."

"Are you OK?"

"I think you gave me your cold."
"Sorry."

"It's OK, it was worth it." They sat in silence for a few minutes, Ellie drifting off.

"Are you still there?"

Ellie jolted awake. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here, baby."

"I'll let you go."

"OK." They sat in an awkward silence. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too, baby." JC perked up.

"I was dreaming about you, us."

"What were you dreaming about?"

"I think you know."

"Really? I have no idea what you mean." JC shuffled his butt, getting more comfortable.

"Don't play coy."

"I'm still in the doorway, Ellie." Derek rose his voice, reminding her of his presence.

"Look, sorry baby, but I have to go, early morning tomorrow. First day back, I'm submitting the outline for my article."

"OK." JC deflated at the missed opportunity for phone sex. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Baby, that's so sweet. If you do anything tonight, think of me, OK? I'm waiting for you to get back."

"Bye."

‘Bye." Ellie hung up and gave the phone back to Derek.

"I swear you two can be so gross sometimes," Derek muttered as he took the phone back into the kitchen to put it back on the cradle.

Ellie snuggled into her pillows as Linus kneaded the quilt, settling back down to sleep.

Around half an hour later, JC stretched out in the gigantic hotel bath tub, trying to relax his muscles after the 16-hour flight. JC thought about how different he felt that morning in the shower. How well-rested he was, both physically and mentally. He bent his right knee, bringing his foot and placing it close to his body. He also remembered Ellie. How supple her thighs felt in his hands. The water running down her breasts, droplets trickling over her hard nipples. The feel of her nails grazing his neck and shoulders. Her whimpering in pleasure in between their kisses, her sweet lips. Her warmth as he thrusted into her, her pussy fluttering as she came, how she pressed the side of her face into his chest as she gasped, calling him "Daddy".

He placed his left hand behind his head as he ran his right hand down his knee, placing it on his torso hidden under the water. He slowly and softly ran his fingers up the hair on his lower stomach. He reached down further and started brushing his pubic hair. With each stroke, he thought of her and what he was missing. She had told him to think of her if he did anything that night, knowing that she had meant that if he touched himself, masturbated.

He slowly wrapped his fingers around the base of his penis. He then ran them up the shaft, softly pulling himself, squeezing the head as he came to the tip. He did this several times, feeling himself becoming harder. He arched his back as he slipped his fingers underneath his balls, slowly massaging his taint, as Ellie did when she blew him. He remembered a few days before, how he was laid out on his bed naked, and she kneeled beside him in one of his white dress shirts, opened to reveal her bare breasts. How she placed her left hand in the same spot as his right at that moment. How she slowly ran her right hand up his cock, remembering the technique she had used the second night they were together. He remembered her hair brushing along his legs as she threw it over her shoulder to take him into her mouth. His breath quickened as he took his hand and started running his hand up and down the shaft again, this time at a much faster pace.

He grabbed at the wall, arching his back, raising his torso further out of the water, making a small splashing sound as his hand quickly emerged and submerged above and below the surface of the water. Various images of her from the past few days flashed in his mind, her bent over his dresser whimpering as he pounded into her. Her leaning back in ecstasy, his shirt revealing her naked body as she rode him, the orange light of the sunset filling his bedroom. Her face in his hands as she sucked his cock in the shower, the water running down her face, her hair completely wet, how she would occasionally withdraw to smile at him, a devilish look in her eyes, knowing how much she was pleasing him. Almost like muscle memory, as he remembered her lips pursed to the tip of his cock, his cum running down her lips, onto her breasts to be washed away by the water from overhead, he came, slipping back into the water as he lost control.

March 3rd - New York, 9:15am - March 4th - Sydney, Australia, 1:15am

Ellie walked into her cubicle to find a bouquet of pink roses sitting on her desk.

"Someone's got a secret admirer," Craig sang in a singsong tone.

"I wouldn't say secret," she commented as she read the card. "Thinking of you, waiting out the storm. Josh."

"Who's Josh?"

"My lover," she said in a French accent.

"Ohh, what does he look like?"

"Tall, black hair, most beautiful blue eyes."

Craig looked around before he whispered, "And his cock?"

"Massive. Thick, like fucking thick." She made a circular gesture with her hands.

"Well, lucky you, I'm almost jealous." He smiled as he waved at Maurice in his office, signing "I love you" when he had his husband's attention. "Bye, girl."

He walked into his office as she bent down to smell the roses. She then pinned the card on her bulletin board, under the magazine cut out of her and JC in his car outside her hotel, mascara running down her cheeks, and next to the Polaroid from the Grammy after party, JC smiling in his tuxedo, "Nice ass" scrawled on the bottom in black marker.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Thank you

Time sent: 9:21am 3/3/2005

Josh,

I received the roses when I got to work this morning. They are beautiful. I hope you have a great day. Miss you,

Ellie XOX

To: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

From: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

Subject: Re: Thank You

Time sent: 7:08am 3/4/2005

Ellie,

They're not as beautiful as you. I thought of you last night, in my dreams and the bath. Try and be home by six, I have a small window of time this afternoon. I am going to call. Miss you, too.

Josh.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Re: Re: Thank you

Time sent: 3:14pm 3/3/05

Josh,

Dutifully noted. Can't wait to hear your voice. Miss you more.

Ellie.

New York, 6:14pm - Sydney, 10:14am

Ellie opened the door as she was greeted by Linus. "Hi, baby." She bent down to pat him. "Hello, anyone else home?" she called out. "I guess it's just you and me, baby." She went into the kitchen to feed him, placing the food down as she spotted the message Claire had left on the fridge: "Gone to a movie, be back at 11:00."

"Awesome." Ellie walked back to the door to pick up her bags. She went to her room and placed her workbag on her bed. She opened a shopping bag, pulling out the cheap corded house phone she had picked up on her way home from work. She had come to the conclusion that if she was going the have a long distance relationship, especially with someone who travelled overseas, she would need at least a phone in her room so what had happened that morning didn't repeat. She read the booklet, then stretched underneath her bedside table to plug it into the wall. She then proceeded to wait.

New York, 8:37pm - Sydney, 12:37pm

Ellie sat on her bedroom floor, iBook on her lap, drafting her article. She looked up at the time at the top right corner of her screen. It's been nearly two and a half hours. Why hasn't he called? she thought to herself. He's usually good with these things. She took another bite out of her ham sandwich as the phone rang.

"Hi, I am so sorry, I fucked up the times, I've got an hour and twenty minutes," JC gasped as though he had been running.

"Hi, baby. It's fine, try not to do it again," Ellie replied as she swallowed her bite

"I'll try, I can't guarantee it won't happen again, though. How was your day?"

"I'm great, Maurice loves the article so far. I've got the apartment to myself for the next few hours. Um, JC, Honey..." She paused. "Why are you out of breath?"

"I've been doing press most of the morning. We thought that lunch was going to be short, but it ran over. I ran to my room to call you."

"OK."

"Swear to God, I was in a cafe across the road having a chicken salad."

"Oh, no, I believe you."

They spoke for an hour, Ellie letting out a yawn around 9:40pm. "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. Yesterday was so hectic, I'm still jet lagged."

"It's fine if you want to go to bed."

"I don't want to, I want to stay talking to you."

"I'm going to have to go soon anyway."

"No, stay, I'll miss you. I already miss you. I miss your smile, I miss how your hair feels when I play with it."

"I miss you, too. I miss your giggling and your singing."

"Really, ‘cause I can't sing for shit."

"I think your voice is lovely. Yes, you can go grossly flat in some areas, but it still sounds so sweet to me. I know so many people who sing as an art form or as a profession. You still sing for the enjoyment of it. I..." He paused, not wanting to say "love." "I really like it."

"So, you hate it?" she asked, misreading him.

"That's not what I meant."

"No, it is. What else do you miss about me?"

"I miss how you smell. I miss the smell of your shampoo and your perfume. I miss your smell when we make love. I miss the smell of your pussy."

"Ew."

"I'm serious. I miss you, I miss having you around, for company and sex. I'm going crazy not being able to fuck you. I can't touch myself the way you touch me. No one can. I miss holding you, feeling your body near me. Being able to reach out and hold you whilst I sleep."

"Fuck, we had sex less than two days ago. Why does my skin feel like it's on fire? I hate it, how whenever I think of you, I immediately get turned on. I try to reposition myself, I pull at my clothes, chew my fingernails, clench my pussy, but nothing works. Nothing feels as good as having you inside of me, and nothing hurts enough to distract me from wanting you there."

"Look, baby. I don't have enough time for this. I'll happily stay on the phone with you, but if we're going to talk like this, I can't stay. I don't have enough time to take care of myself."

"To what?" she pressed, knowing what he was going confess to.

"I don't have enough time to masturbate. Well, I do, but I don't have enough time to clean up afterwards. I'm in the middle of my work day." He paused, thinking. "Baby, I'm going to go now. But, what I want you to do is, if you're feeling up to it, I want you to go have a bath and think of me. I want you to touch yourself. I want you to do what I did last night. Obviously there will be a change in technique, but that's what I want you to do. Just the thought of you made me so hard that I had to make myself come. I want you to do that, and next time I call you, I want you to tell me how good it felt. OK, I'll talk to you soon. Bye." He hung up.

She laid on the floor of her bedroom staring up at the ceiling, having gone quiet except for her heavy breathing. She tightened her legs as much as she could as she held the phone to her chest.

After a moment to collect herself, she placed the phone in its cradle and walked to the bathroom. She checked her watch: 10:06pm, she had around an hour. She burned up as she undressed, shocks going through her body whenever one part of skin would touch another. She finally pulled her stockings and panties off, becoming naked. She turned the faucet on and waited until the water was the right temperature. She placed the plug in the plug hole as she placed her feet either side of the faucet and slid under it, the water starting to stimulate her clit.

She laid down, feeling waves of ecstasy coming over her as the water rose around her. She rose her right leg up, placing her arm underneath it, slipping her fingers into her pussy, gasping as she starting stimulating her G-spot. She thought of him, sitting in the bath stroking himself, his cock getting harder, swelling as his hand ran up and down the shaft. She started playing with her left nipple, edging herself closer to climax. She thought of his groans, grunts, and his shortened breath as he writhed in pleasure. She cried out for him, unable to hear it as the water filled her ears. She lifted her ass up as she felt herself climax, squirting into her hand.

She held her breath, realising that she was now nearly completely underwater. She bolted up out of the water and turned the tap off. She sat for a moment before she started crying, banging her hand against the side of the bath. She hated herself for doing this. It was only supposed to be a fun thing. They were only meant to be casual. She knew now that she would be hurt if it ended. She had caught feelings.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Goodnight

Time sent: 11:26pm 3/3/2005

Josh,

I did what you said. I'm going to bed, now. I wish you were here with me. I hope your show goes well. Can't wait to hear from you again.

Ellie XOX

To: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

From: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

Subject: Re: Goodnight

Time sent: 12:03am 3/5/2005

Ellie,

I finished what you started earlier. My bed feels empty without you. The show went well. I'll call tomorrow after we land in Singapore. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Josh.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Re: Re: Goodnight

Time sent: 6:31am 3/4/2005

Bedbugs?

March 4th - New York, 7:29am - March 5th - Sydney, Australia, 11:29am

JC sat in the business lounge of Sydney Airport, waiting for his flight to Singapore. His crew sat around him as they did various things to pass the time: Carlos playing a Gameboy, Eric checking and replying to his emails, knowing what little time he had with reception, and Isaac and Jules picking rugby players out of a copy of Rugby League Week like some picked sweaters out of a Sears catalogue.

"David, oh, I want that one." Isaac pointed to the lean indigenous Australian player in the aquamarine and black jersey.

"I'm rather partial to Willie." Jules flipped back a page to a mountain of a man on the former page in a blue and white jersey.

"You've always liked the dumb ones," Isaac commented, JC smiling to himself, knowing Jules's poorly hidden crush on Carlos.

He sat with a pile of pre-stamped postcards, five of them, one addressed to his parents, one to his brother, one to his sister and one for Lance. The final one, his favourite, was a picture of a mother kangaroo laying underneath a tree, sunbeams sprinkling the grass as it shone through the leaves, her baby grazing in front of her. He scrawled on the back before he placed it into postal box. A few days later, a postal sorter awed, not only over the picture on the front, but also over the one JC drew on the back of a couple spooning. "E", it read in the top left corner. A love heart and simple "J" sat in the bottom middle, Ellie's address scrawled in black marker on the right side of the postcard.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Help, I beg of you

Time sent: 5:32pm 3/8/2005

Tall, male human who is not Der Der,

The humans who feed me have left me alone far too long today. The warm circle in the sky bids goodbye as it slowly slips away under the horizon. I am hungry. I feel that they will not return to feed me and radiate heat for me on this night. You are my last hope. Save me, save me now.

Colonel Linus of Fluffington, Moulting Division

Post Script: My preference for tonight is sardines and the ability to lay on your knees as you watch the television.

March 9th New York 9:42pm, March 10th Manila, Philippines 9:42am

JC lay on the bench of the airport, trying to sleep before they flew out to Hong Kong.

Carlos sat next to him, fanning himself with his passport. "How on Earth is it possibly this hot?" Eric sat to his right, zoned out, reading a Harry Potter novel, whilst Isaac sat with the hushed strains of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" playing out of headphones. Unaware that JC was not asleep, Jules and Carlos' conversation turned to Ellie.

"I think she wants his money," Jules conspired.

"I think she wants a story. She'll date him until he dumps her, and then she'll write a book about it."

"It'll be one or the other, either she'll sell him out, or he'll go broke paying her off, so she doesn't."

"He really has no idea what he's getting himself into." Jules shook his head.

"And to think that we both liked her?" Carlos replied in mock disbelief as he pressed his hand to his chest.

"WILL THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" JC yelled, everyone's head turning in the boarding lounge. "LOOK, I'M FUCKING DATING HER. I LIKE HER, AND YOUR INCESSANT LITTLE HUSHED BITCHINESS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE HER GO AWAY!" JC tried to settle back down before he got up and stormed into the bathroom, a petite lady stepping aside to avoid him.

"Shit," Jules whispered under his breath.

"Do you always need the last word, you little shit?" Isaac snapped, placing his headphones back on.

"JC Fights For His Love"

Posted: March 11th - Lameasswebtabloid.fake

Former *NSYNC hottie, JC Chasez, made a scene in a Manila airport yesterday. Sources say that he yelled, "I love her, you're not going to make her go away," defending his love. Whilst it is currently unknown if he is referring to actress Eva Bitchface, he also mentioned in a radio interview that the girl he is currently seeing "is unbelievable sexy. She's one of those girls where you can't really see it at first, but it becomes apparent in the way she carries herself. It's not at all confidence, but she knows how to have a good time, and once you know that, just wow." He went on to say, when asked to describe her personality, "She's very sweet, creative, smart, very dry sense of humour." She sounds wonderful and he sounds completely smitten. We don't think he'll be saying a dear bye bye bye any time soon.

To: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

From: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

Subject: Daily Report

Time sent: 12:07am 3/11/2005

Log: Starday 2349 - Location: Hong Kong

We have entered a world where everything smells vaguely of garlic. After closer inspection, we believe that star commander Carlos's jacket may be the source of the smell. But we also suspect that that theory is a tactic of sabotage on star commander Jules's part. I regret to inform you that they have not yet worked out their sexual tension, much to Jules's chagrin.

Star commanders Isaac and Eric have contracted food poisoning. I am in good health and spirits.

(I'm really sorry to hear about your fever, baby. I wish I was there to make you soup & stuff. Kisses, Josh)

March 13th New York, 8:30am - Tokyo, Japan, 10:30pm

JC closed the blinds on his Tokyo hotel window as his call was patched through.

"Hello?" Ellie answered the phone before coughing a deep and guttural cough. "Shit."

"Hi, baby, it's me. Are you OK?"

"I feel disgusting. I've got this fever, I've got the chills. I've got enough phlegm in my chest to sink a battleship. I've got the most intense migraine. I'm peeing every goddamn hour, I'm throwing up constantly. I've turned off food, but the intense sex dreams I've been having have turned into fever dreams about pie. My tits hurt, and I ache all over. I've contracted the great flu of 2005 whilst I'm PMSing. I'm feeling as lovely as the new spring. How are you?"

"Tired, jet lagged. The usual."

"What time is it there?"

"10:30 at night, why?"

"Are you turning in for bed? Do you want to have some fun?"

"Maybe? What are you wearing?" JC sat the phone next to him as he got on the bed.

"Oh, I'm just wearing this old pyjama top and those little purple panties that I think are completely darling and you think are the sexiest thing in the world."

"Ah, I know the ones. But to be fair, everything you wear is the sexiest thing in the world."

"Is that why you want me to wear your clothes?"

"No, though you do look sexy in them. I like it because when you wear them, it feels like..." He paused for a moment, trying to find the words, scared of using the wrong ones. "You're my girl. I think I'm falling for you." JC heard Ellie make a sharp inhale. A moment passed before he heard a soft banging.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie whispered repeatedly as she banged her head against the wall of her bedroom, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Baby, are you OK?" came through the phone speaker.

"I'm not sure if I can do this any longer." Ellie sniffled through her tears.

"No, please," JC begged, screaming internally, YOU LOVE HER, TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. "What can I do to make you stay with me, Ellie?"

"Josh, I just can't do this. Your crew hates me, we barely know each other."

"No one who has been dating a month know each other that well, not unless they've known each other for years prior." Tears started welling into JC's eyes.

"It doesn't feel right. It's scary."

"Love is the scariest thing in the world, but it can also be the most beautiful. We're happy."

"You'll hurt me, they all do."

"I won't. I promise I won't. Please, baby, just let me get back and I'll show you I won't, I promise. Please, baby. Elizabeth, please. I'll do anything, I'll sing anything, buy you anything. Just. Don't. Please."

Immense pain hit his chest, and he curled up into the foetal position, pressing the phone to his ear, not realising the parallels to the month prior. Their relationship was to end as it began, him in a ball, her sitting on a bed, over the phone, one of which belonging to a hotel.

"I'm sorry. I just can't." Ellie hung up. She placed the phone under her bed as she started sobbing.

After a few moments, the phone rang again. JC hung up instantly when Claire answered. He threw the phone across the room. He went back into his ball, sobbing, naked, and heartbroken.

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Sorry

Time sent: 5:37pm 3/14/2005

I need you.

Ellie.

March 14th, 6:02pm New York - March 15th, 8:02am

Ellie leaned down to pet Linus as she entered the apartment. She went into the kitchen as she checked the mail. She flipped over the postcard from Australia depicting a kangaroo and her joey frolicking in the sun. On the other side was a picture of a couple in bed, drawn in black marker. The card bared nothing else except her address, an "E", a "J" and a love heart. She knew it was from JC as her address was scrawled in his handwriting. Ellie knew what this meant. Her father was a big believer in signs, messages of divinity. She would fix it. She would make it up to him. They were meant to stay together, if only for now.

Chapter 5 - Up Against the Wall

17th March 2005

JC entered the hotel room and immediately flopped onto the bed, curling his body into the fetal position.

"The rest of the luggage will be up in a moment," a short, dark-haired bellboy said as he placed a few suitcases by the dresser.

"Thank you." Eric tipped the bellboy. "Strange, doesn't the Wynette prefer to place lilies of the valley on the entrance table?"

"Oh, these were delivered this morning. From an Elizabeth Argyle. What's wrong with him?" the bellboy responded.

"Heartbroken."

"Oh." The bellboy looked at Eric and gave a tight-lipped smile, shrugging. "Oh, well, life."

Eric looked at him. "I'll give you $500 dollars if you don't go to the press."

"I can't possibly take that kind of money." The bellboy looked at JC's back as he slid the money out of Eric's hand. "Thank you for the generous tip, sir."

Eric closed the door behind the bellboy and turned to check the flowers. "They're very pretty, Josh, yellow daisies." He took the small white envelope from the bouquet.

"I don't care," JC grumbled from his ball. "I just want to sleep."

"She sent a card."

"She probably ordered it before she dumped me. Forgot to cancel it probably. Never loved me."

"I'll let you sleep," Eric said as he placed the card on the table. He heard JC start to hyperventilate as he closed the door.

"What do I do with his luggage, sir?" a large black man asked.

"Just get them to take it to my room, Emerson." Eric ran his hand through his hair. "She really made him happy, I'd be sorry to see her go."

"They don't usually send flowers, sir."

"Call me Eric," he said, wincing as JC's muffled sobs echoed faintly the in hall.

The next evening JC entered his hotel room from a business meeting. His father and lawyer, Adam, had flown up from Orlando as Eric started preparing to buy out his deal with Jive Records. Adam had outlined the negotiations over dinner, how much the contact asked for in the event of a buyout, $15 million, and that Jive were willing to sue if need be. Adam also claimed to have found a "failure to promote" clause that could lead to an instant voiding of the contract if a conflict of interest could be proven.

All of this, of course, was white noise to JC. He missed Ellie. He had turned off food completely and was only absorbing calories from the few drinks he was having each night to numb his loneliness. But he didn't need that many calories if all he did was sleep. He had sat there at dinner staring into the table in front of him, only speaking when spoken to. He hadn't heard from her since Monday. He had spent the last few days going back and forth between pride, choosing not to respond in defeat, and reassuring himself that Ellie was not only shy, but incredibly stubborn, and possibly she was choosing not to contact him for her own reasons. But over the last day a third option had started appearing in his doubts, maybe she just didn't want to be with him. She would've contacted him knowing he was in New York if she did want to stay with him.

JC stood in front of the table in the front entrance hall of the hotel suite. The bouquet of daisies sat in a white box, arranged in a square. A single white envelope sat by the box, which he had been ignoring. It held two possibilities, one: a thank you for the flowers he had sent to her office on the third, or two: a final goodbye, his Dear John letter, an explanation. He turned over the card and saw "Joshua" written in her handwriting, March 17th dated in the right top corner. He stopped breathing, holding his breath as he ripped open the envelope, a lump forming in his throat. He slid the pale blue card out of the envelope and read her light cursive script. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I got scared, Ellie."

Ellie sat on her bed reading as the phone rang. Not thinking, she picked up. "Hey, Ellie speaking."

Silence flooded the ear piece for a few moments. Finally, JC spoke in a deep exhausted tone, "I..." He paused. "I missed you...Please take me back."

"Josh, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

He cut her off. "I'm downtown at the Wynette, just come over, please."

Ellie checked her alarm clock. "It's nearly 11 o'clock."

"I know...I just...Please come over. I don't want to sleep with you or anything, just watch TV and grab a pizza or something. I don't want to be alone right now."

"I can't guarantee that if I come over that I won't be sleeping over. I also can't guarantee that if I sleep over, I won't try to fuck you." Ellie winced when she realised what she had said. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just I was waiting for you, and hearing your voice, I thought this was some kind of booty call." She heard a small chuckle at the other end.

"OK, how about this then? You come over and I'll fuck your brains out, but only, and only if you do it as my girlfriend." He offered in a much lighter tone.

"I'll be there in 25 minutes."

"I'm on floor 39. Emerson will let you in."

A woman in a navy blue overcoat walked through the hotel foyer; her shoes tapped along the marble floors. She entered the elevator and ascended to floor 39. She walked down the hallway, meeting her rendezvous, a large black man.

She took off her sunglasses and greeted him. "Emerson, would you do the honours?"

Emerson knocked on the penthouse door, and it swung open. JC pulled Ellie into his suite. He slammed the door as he dipped her into a kiss.

"Are you wearing what I think you're wearing?" he asked her as she playfully untied her coat belt.

"I don't know, you tell me?" She ripped opened her jacket to reveal an oversized white t-shirt and a pair of oversized grey sweatpants. She kicked off her trainers and jumped on the bed.

"Why do you have to dress so sexy?"

"Hey, hey, I thought we agreed that this is a casual eat pizza and watch TV thing. Anyway, your outfit is so hot, you could fry an egg on it."

"What, these old things." He motioned to the pair of red pyjamas with cowboys and horses on them as well as a grey long sleeve t-shirt he was wearing. "I've had them for years. Wine?"

"Fuck yeah."

He passed over a glass of red wine and then snuggled into bed with her. "We need to talk."

"I know." She took a sip.

"I'm pretty sure you broke up with me."

"Oh, I did."

"Why?"

"I got scared. We were supposed to be something casual, a bump and move on thing. I really like you now, and I realised whilst you were away that if we ended things it would hurt me."

"So you tried to end it before I could?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." She snuggled into his chest.

"I was left feeling very hurt by it."

"I can imagine. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

He held her close to him, pressing his cheek to her crown as he smelled her hair. "Stay with me a little longer, please. Other than that, if I think of something, I'll let you know." They sat holding each other for awhile, finding comfort in the silence.

After a moment, Ellie asked, "Does this place have a bath?"

"Yeah, quite a big one."

JC watched as Ellie lowered herself into the water as she pulled her hair into a messy bun. "I'm thinking of getting a haircut," Ellie said as she undid the bundle and attempted to retie it a third time.

"I like it long. I don't know why you don't wear it down more often," he replied as she positioned herself to lay on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

She looked up at him, their eyes meeting before she rose up to kiss him. "I'm really sorry, Joshua."

"I know. I forgive you."

She lay back down on his chest. "How? How do you know?"

"You wouldn't keep apologising if you weren't." They laid in the bath for awhile as he ran his hand up and down her back.

She started singing. "I was dreaming of the past, and my heart was beating fast. I began to lose control, I began to lose control. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I didn't want to hurt you."

He cut her off. "I'm falling for you."

She sat for a while in shock. She finally replied, "I know."

He tightened his arms around her kissing her hair. "You're perfect. I thank God everyday that he sent you to me." That night they fell asleep in each others arms.

The next morning Ellie stood in a white t-shirt in the bathroom doorway as JC slept on his stomach. He stirred, wiping his eyes, then smiling when he saw her.

"Hey, good morning," she whispered.

He beckoned her to the bed, turning over on to his back. "Is it raining?"

"Yeah." She laid on top of him, entwining her fingers with his. She kissed him. "Any ideas for what you want to do this morning?"

"I know exactly where this is going."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do." He wrestled with her briefly, using his weight to flip her over to her back, him staring down at her.

He let go of her hands as he shifted his left arm underneath her head. He ran his right arm along her torso, lifting her shirt up to reveal her left breast. He firmly pressed his lips to hers. He took her left hand and slowly pushed it underneath the band of his sweatpants, guiding her to touch his penis.

"If you want this, you're going to have to say it. I know you're playing with me," he whispered in her ear.

"You going to have to do a lot more than that to get it out of me," she replied, coyly.

He slid his hand between her legs, discovering that she wasn't wearing panties. He sat up to take a further look, opening her legs wider to confirm his suspicions. He looked back at her. She laid there with her breasts bare, hair spread out behind her. She held her right pointer finger between her teeth. With a smile, she dared him to go further.

"Either you've forgotten something, or you have something to say to me?" He ran a single finger along the outer lips of her pussy. He heard her give a small grunt in pleasure.

He bent down to kiss her stomach, then he took her left breast in his hand as he softly bit her right nipple. His bare chest brushed along her body as he slid up to softly bite her neck. He kissed her again, pressing his tongue to hers, teasing her. He slid down his sweats, revealing his hardened cock.

He took her hand again and guided her fingers around the shaft. "Do I need to remind you that it's been 17 days since we fucked?" he asked. "Either you tell me that you want me to make love to you, or I am going to come on you, very, very soon."

She took her hand from his cock and guided his head back down to kiss her as she placed her other arm around his shoulders. She softly whispered in his ear, barely audible, "Make love to me, slowly."

He rose up to completely undress and put a condom on. He spread her legs and started to rub her pussy. She squirmed in pleasure.

He asked her, "How long has it been since you came?"

"The bath, the one you told me to take," she whispered. She gasped as he slid two fingers into her.

"You haven't come since then? What about all those times we spoke?"

"I got very wet, but I was waiting for you. Oh shit, Daddy." Shockwaves ran through her body as he started rubbing her clit with his thumb. "I can make myself come, but not as hard as you can."

"Do you think you're going to come soon?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He watched as she turned her head to the side to let out a silent cry. She dug her nails into the sheets as she arched her back, reaching orgasm. He took his fingers out of her and pulled her t-shirt over her head. He put his arms behind her shoulders and lifted her up until they were both kneeling. He pulled her ass closer to him, lifting her up to sit on his lap. She kissed him, wrapping her arm around his neck as she helped him guide his cock into her. She started to slowly rock, clenching her pussy as she went forward, relaxing as she went back.

"Yes, Mummy," he whispered as he urged her to increase her rhythm when he needed her to.

He spread his knees, moving into a more agile position before he started thrusting, matching her movements. She moaned before stopping, unable to continue. He slightly quickened his pace, putting more force into his thrusts. He rested his head onto her shoulder as he felt himself coming. After a few quick hard thrusts, he was done. He pulled her as close to him as he could. She looked down at him. "I'm sorry."

"I know," he replied before he kissed her.

To: claire.matherson@bridgesholdings.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Quick Message

Claire,

Just sending a quick message to say that I snuck out last night and stayed with JC. I will probably be spending tonight with him as well. Please feed Linus. I will reimburse you for any money you spend on cat food, litter, etc. Enjoy your weekend.

Ellie

Ellie heard a snap as she checked her email on JC's computer. She was sitting at the dining table of the hotel room in her white t-shirt and a pair of JC's briefs, her legs tucked under her butt, hair up in its usual bun. She turned to find JC standing there with a small silver digital camera. "Why did you take my picture?" she asked.

"I don't have any photos of you. I want one," he replied, checking the view finder. "What do you think?" He showed her the picture of her.

"It'd look good in black and white. If you give me the memory card, I can edit it." She watched as he went to get the adapter for the camera.

"I want to warn you I haven't uploaded for awhile."

"Why? Aren't you scared of losing anything?"

"Not really. Nothing from the past few months."

"But you just got back from that Asian tour. You don't want to keep anything from that?"

"My crew has photos from that. These are just bad memories. Stand up." She did what he said. He sat in her seat and pulled her into his lap, connecting the camera to the computer.

She opened the program she would be using and scrolled through the memory card. She saw the photos documenting the last few months of his life. She saw pictures from wardrobe tests, pictures of family gatherings, the odd styrofoam cup, a photo of Britney Spears drinking what appeared to be orange soda from a yard glass, photos of Chris and Lance at Joey's wedding, a picture of Justin by a pool, and a picture of a tree smashed through the side of a house. Every now and again she would see a photo of a petite brunette Hispanic woman, smiling, toasting the camera, walking along the beach, sunbathing in a aqua bikini. Ellie knew whom she was and had a faint idea of her relationship to JC, but it hit her the moment she saw a photo of them kissing.

"You loved her," she whispered.

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"She just decided to move on, with a ball player. She's gone now, doesn't matter anymore."

They sat in silence for awhile as she found the photo of her and opened it to edit it.

"Don't do too much to it. I like you the way you are," he said, breaking the silence.

"Why do you want to be with me?"

"Because you're very beautiful and smart, funny, unbelievably sexy. Why wouldn't any man what to be with you?"

"Why me? Thousands of women fit that description. Why me in particular?"

"Why not you?"

"Look at her? Look at Eva. She's perfect. Perfect hair, perfect tits, everything."

"She paid for those tits with her divorce settlement. The hair is paid for by the studio as well as the beauty team that makes her look that perfect 24/7. Her idea of funny is insulting herself and other women using a combination of bimbo, southerner and Mexican stereotypes. She constantly tears down other woman. She's not happy unless she has the best shoes, the most expensive car, the richest boyfriend. She constantly needs to be as drunk as she possibly can whilst never being able to palate strong liquor. Everything is a fucking performance with her, everything. She's not a person, she's a star. Whatever humanity she has she's using it to boost her public image. She spends so much time appearing perfect that she's a poisonous shell of a human being."

"Please don't say that being with me made you realise all of that."

"No, I knew it all along." He paused. "My heart feels safe with you." He buried his head into her hair.

"I tried to break up with you." He lifted his head up as he started to become disgruntled at the conversation.

"Look, I know better than anyone that I can get intense when I'm falling for someone. At first, it's all cool, then I'm like an emotional lamprey hanging off your heart. I need you to trust me and how I feel for you. I also need you to stop looking for the most minor flaws and declaring each one a reason to shut everything down."

She got up from the table. "I'm not used to being with someone so..." She trailed off.

"So, what?"

"I don't know, emotional, so, so...open, sensitive."

"There's nothing wrong with any of those things."  He tried to reassure her.

"They're scary, you're scary." She got dressed and left. He sat in silence for a few minutes.

"She'll be back," he said to himself. He looked at the edited photo. He clicked "File" and "Save As". He named it "Ellie" and saved it to his pictures folder. He opened "System Preferences" and replaced the generic green Apple wallpaper with the image.

Ellie entered the apartment around noon. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"I'm not in the mood, Claire."

"You're in the mood to fuck off at 11 at night, but you're not in the mood the deal with any of the consequences?"

"I've been downtown at the Wynette, OK?"

"What the fuck were you doing at the Wynette?"

"JC by the looks of it," Derek said under his breath.

"I'm an adult. I can come and go as I please. You're not my mother."

"And what would she think of your behaviour?"

"You can be a fucking bitch when you want to be." Ellie slammed the door to her bedroom.

"I swear to God I can not deal with her right now," Claire said as she sat down next to Derek on the couch.

"She's scared. This is all new to her. Nothing after Miles was going to be a safe bet. Go big or go home."

"I've tried to set her up with nice guys..."

"But it never works out. She wants a connection, someone who will set her alight just by looking at her. Not some guy who will give her a house in the suburbs. She wants a Rhett Butler, a Mr. Darcy, not Ron from accounting."

"You've given me an idea."

"Don't try to set her up with Ron again. Look, she's resilient. Let the baby have her bottle. If something goes wrong, then we'll...Don't try to set her up with Ron again."

Ellie sat in the bath, her head resting on her knees. She had been trying over the last few hours to figure out just exactly how she felt and what she wanted from the relationship. She liked JC. She liked him very much. He was sweet and funny, incredibly sexy. He was the best lover she had ever been with; amazing technique, very generous, great kisser, very well-endowed. He was very playful, but he knew when he had to be serious. From what she could tell, he was honest with her. He was patient and caring, forgiving. He had a career. He was financially stable, owned his own home. He owned a few from what she could tell. He could easily support a family. Could he be husband and father material? She let her mind wonder and pictured the two of them having her dream wedding, barefoot on the beach at sunset. She always imagined a more casual groom, but she smiled to herself when she imagined JC in a suit and tie. She thought about their home life. JC would have to get a bigger house if they were planning on having more than one child. They would have two; the eldest would be a girl, bookish like her, creative and artistic like JC. She'd be a perfect combination of the two in personality and looks. Their youngest would be a boy, an exact clone of JC looks wise, but he would have Ellie's eyes. He would be a rowdy, constantly giggling, floppy-haired thing. She was trying to find a perfect set of names when there was knocking on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Ellie." Claire greeted her as she poked her head through the door. "I'm very sorry for earlier. Derek and I are going to go to the market to get some groceries. Do you want to come with us? I could make chicken and dumplings for dinner. I know how much you like them."

The three of them, Ellie, Claire, and Derek, were walking in the light rain to the grocer's four blocks from their apartment. "Oh my God, Ron, hi!" Claire exclaimed seeing her co-worker.

"I thought he lived in Brooklyn," Ellie muttered to Derek. "He's a bit far out of his territory."

"Just smile. Claire is trying to set you two up again," Derek replied as Claire pulled the mid-height ginger man with glasses towards them.

"Hello, Elizabeth, Derek." Ron greeted them. "Thank you for inviting me for dinner."

Ellie pulled Claire aside once they were in the vegetable aisle. "What the fuck is this?"

"I thought it would be nice to have a work friend over for dinner, that's all."

"Tanya is a work friend. Ron is you trying to control my love life."

"Ron's a great friend, very nice guy."

"We have no chemistry."

"That doesn't matter."

Ellie pushed her hair back. "You don't get it. He thought my urethra was my clitoris."

"A relationship doesn't..."

Ellie cut her off. "He thought my clitoris was my urethra. He also thought my urethra was in my vagina. He doesn't believe in the G-spot because he thinks it's the clitoris. Do you know what it's like to have a sea bass go down on you? I do, because Ron went down on me. I need good sex. You don't give up filet mignon for dog food."

"Hey, can I borrow your phone, Ellie? I left mine at the apartment." Derek appeared on Ellie's side.

"Why?"

Derek leaned in to whisper to Ellie, "I have an idea. If Claire can invite someone to dinner without asking you, you can invite someone as well."

"Josh has a dinner meeting."

"Shit, he's talking about level 12 Dungeons and Dragons battle-axes. I want to blow my brains out."

"Ellie, do you want to make your cherry pie for dessert?" Claire asked, placing a bunch of celery in the cart.

"If I can use a frozen crust, sure." And spit in it, she thought to herself as she walked to the tinned fruit aisle. She made a deep sigh when she realised Ron was following her.

"I don't understand why you didn't call me back after our night of lovemaking. I thought we had a great time," Ron said, trying to strike up conversation.

"Please don't call what we did lovemaking."

"But that's what it was." He used the palm of his hand to stroke her hair.

"No, what I did this morning was lovemaking. What I do with my boyfriend is lovemaking. What we did was an excuse for our species to reconsider mitosis as a valid form of reproduction."

"Actually, we as a species are too biologically complex to be able to reproduce via mitosis. Where are you going?" Ron rebutted as Ellie stormed into the pet supplies aisle and dragged a bag of kitty litter onto the floor. "I can help you with that."

"Ugh, it's fine. I can do it," she said in a disgruntled manner as she placed a tray of cat food cans on the sack and lifted it up. She went to Claire. "I'm going to pay for these and go home. You can shove your pie."

Ellie was sitting, watching The Land Before Time as her roommates and Claire's dinner guest arrived back to the apartment. Derek gave Ellie her phone. "Don't say I don't do anything for you. I tried."

"I love this movie. I wanted to be a palaeontologist because of it. Didn't get the SATs, though." Ron sat down on the couch next to Ellie as Derek let out a loud groan. They sat in silence as they watched Littlefoot's mother's death scene.

Let your heart guide you, it whispers, so listen closely. Tears welled up in Ellie's eyes as an epiphany hit her.

"Go to him," Derek said, watching them through the kitchen hatch.

"I need to go." Ellie grabbed her coat and phone and ran out of the apartment to the nearest subway station.

Ellie tried her best to reach JC as she took the train downtown. A text message came through. "I can't come to dinner, but if you want to have dinner with me, my meeting's in the hotel restaurant, Josh." At her stop, she got of the train and started her way to the hotel. She walked through to the foyer, past the elevators to the entrance of the hotel's restaurant.

"Excuse me, ma'am, can I help you? Do you have a reservation?" the host asked as Ellie scanned the dining room.

"Baby!" Ellie shouted when she spotted JC sitting at a table with Eric and two middle-aged greying men. He looked up and got up from the table and crossed the restaurant. He took her in his arms and kissed her.

"Elizabeth." He smiled as he cupped her face in his hands.

"I want this, I want you, I want us."

"That's wonderful," he said as he kissed her again. He held her briefly before he speaking. "I need to tell you some things. I'm only telling you because this is going to affect our relationship. I'm moving to New York for awhile. I'm done with the album, and Eric and my dad believe it's time for me to move on. We're going to be spending some time here because I'm buying out my record deal. You can not tell anyone this. We're still planning it. We haven't made any real motions towards it. We're moving here in case there's some legal issues. I trust you. Please don't sell me out, OK?"

Ellie nodded. "OK."

"OK, good." He turned to lead her to the table.

"Wait, I want us to go steady."

"What?"

"It sounds immature, very high school in fact, but it's the only term I can think of right now. I want us to be open and exclusive, no more hiding in the shadows."

"OK, we're not going to the press though."

"Honey, I am the press," she said jokingly. "I know what you mean. Just open to our loved ones."

"OK, well, come on then." JC took her hand and led her to the table. He introduced her to his dinner guests. "Elizabeth, you know Eric," He gestured to the more portly of the two men. "This is Adam, my lawyer." He put his hand on the shoulder of the man sitting closest to him. "And this is Roy, my father. Adam, Dad, this is my girlfriend Elizabeth."

"Is that a Cajun accent I detect?" Dinner had finished and the gathering had moved up into JC's hotel room. After the business talk had died down, Roy started to ask about Ellie's background.

"Sure is. My father's family's Scottish, but if you go deeper into the bloodline, there's quite a few French maiden names," Ellie said as she set a tray with a coffee pot and a few cups on the table.

"Where about in Louisiana are you from?" Roy fixed himself a cup.

"Baton Rouge. My mother studs thoroughbreds for racing and my daddy splits his time between the ranch and my gran's diner."

"Did you go to school there?"

"Yep, Tigers all the way. I don't care much for sports, more into the players."

"Were you a cheerleader in high school? I hear it's quite a big thing down south?" Adam asked, taking a sip of coffee.

"Um, to be able to cheer, at least at the level of the girls on my high school's squad, you need a thing called coordination. Something I don't have."

"I thought you said you danced?" JC asked.

"Yes, I did tell you that I danced. I didn't say I was good. I was always more of a bookworm, graduated valedictorian."

"What kind of publication do you write for?" Roy set his cup down on the table, asking Ellie about her work.

"A mid-level music magazine. Think a cross between the Rolling Stone and the PennySaver."

"Would you ever write about him?" Roy asked, meaning JC.

"Only if I was told to. I'm only a junior reporter. I write what my editor tells me to write. I would only get the privilege of pitching my own stories if I make features reporter. That will take a few years, though, around ten years to be exact. We're also not a tabloid; we don't print gossip." Ellie watched as JC got up from his seat and went over to his suitcase. He took off his sweater and discreetly slid a foil package into his jean pocket. He walked over to where Ellie was sitting and pulled her to stand up, pulling her onto his lap as he took her seat.

"So why were you so adamant that I attend dinner?" JC whispered in her ear, the main conversation turning back to business.

"It was just Derek's attempt to foil one of Claire's schemes. Claire has being trying for the last few years to set me up with a coworker of hers, Ron from accounting. I've given it a few tries, but this time was completely out of line."

"Were you ever dating?"

"Briefly, but I broke up with him. The sex was not good. He also speaks in a dry, monotone voice," Ellie said, demonstrating Ron's speaking voice. They sat giggling at their private joke as Eric stood up.

"I think it's time to hit the road, leave the two lovebirds alone." Eric made his way to the door, followed by the other two.

Roy hugged JC at the door. "Nice to meet you, Elizabeth. Have a good night."

JC waved at his father as he closed the door. "I think he likes you." He clapped his hands together.

"How do you know?" Ellie asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist, reaching up to kiss him.

"He usually lectures me if he doesn't like the girls I date."

"Cool..." She trailed off, looking up at him. "Is that a condom in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Both." He pressed her body against the wall, undoing her blouse. "It infuriates me to think of another man touching you."

They kissed passionately as she undid his belt and fly, sliding her hand into his pants, rubbing him until he became hard.

He opened her fly and slipped his finger in, feeling her wetness through her panties. "Are you ready for this?"

"Yeah, wait. I've always wanted to do this. Snaps?"

He nodded as she ripped his shirt open, giggling as she ran her fingertips through his chest hair. She pulled the condom out of his pocket, ripping it open as he pulled her jeans and panties down, leaving her in only her purple blouse and a black lace bra. He stood up and pulled down his jeans, pulling his cock out. She guided the condom down the shaft as he lifted her up, preparing to fuck her against the wall. She held him by the neck as he pressed her against the wall, holding her up by her knees. She slipped her right hand between them and started guiding him into her pussy. He started to thrust slowly as she pleasured herself, bringing herself to climax. She placed her right arm over his left shoulder as he started thrusting at a quicker rate. His dug his fingers into her thighs as he came. She kissed him as he let go of her legs one after the other, pressing his hands against the wall on either side of her head to steady himself. They stood there for a moment until she took his hand and led him to the bed, both of them collapsing onto it.

JC turned off the tv when he realised that Ellie had fallen asleep. He sat on the bed in a pair of pajama pants. Ellie was curled up beside him in one of his grey sweatshirts, hugging a pillow beneath her head. He placed the book he was reading on the bedside table and turned the lamp off. He laid down facing her, watching her sleep in the hushed glow of the city outside. She twitched as he pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, softly whispering, "I think I love you."

Chapter 6 - April Showers

Wednesday, April 13th, 2005

Ellie looked up at the clock in the upper right corner of her computer screen, 11:15am. She looked through the window at the light drizzle of rain outside.

“Coffee?” Craig shook a grey striped mug as he offered.

“Sure.” Ellie accepted as she stretched before standing up from her desk to follow him into the small kitchenette between Maurice’s office and the elevator.

Craig softly tapped Maurice’s door as he passed. He opened the coffee maker and emptied that morning’s grounds into a bin by the fridge. He scooped a fresh heap of grounds into the machine and filled the pot with water, pouring it into the back and turning on the coffee maker.

“Any plans for spring break, Ellie?” Craig asked as he rinsed out his mug as she took one out of the cupboard for herself.

“My roommates are going home down south for some job interviews and to start planning their wedding. I’m honestly looking forward to having the apartment to just Linus and me,” she answered as she heaped a spoonful of sugar into her mug.

“Pity, Maurice and I would love for you, Linus, and Josh to join us in the Hamptons next week. You need the vacation.”

“I get plenty rest when I go home for the holidays.”

The machine beeped, and Craig poured the liquid in to their mugs. “You need more time off than two weeks at the end of the year. You also need a break from the city.”

“There’s no point,” Maurice said as he walked into the room. “The Times is predicting rain for at least the next week.” He poured himself a cup, turning to Ellie. “Don’t even think of suggesting staying in all week and playing Scrabble. After your display over New Year’s, your invitation will be officially revoked if you even think about it.”

“You’re just angry because you lost.” She chuckled before taking a sip. “Did you just invite my boyfriend and me to stay the week at your beach house?”

“Sure, you two need to build memories outside of this drab place. Anyway, we’ll love to have you,” Craig responded. “Speaking of Josh, is that his shirt?”

Ellie was wearing a blue and white pinstriped mens dress shirt with a white collar tucked into a charcoal pencil skirt. “How do you know?” She looked down at her ensemble.

“Women's blouses have their buttons on the left; men’s have their buttons on the right.” Craig ran his finger up the buttons on JC’s shirt and then lightly tapped Ellie on her nose. “We’re style editors; we know clothes. We also can’t help but notice how happy you’ve been the last few weeks. How long have you two been together?”

“Today’s actually our two-month anniversary. I’m finally allowing him to take me to his favourite sushi restaurant.”

‘Elizabeth!” Their boss, Clefnotes' editor in chief, Samuel Evans, cut her off as he walked into the kitchenette.

Samuel, or Sam, as everyone in the office called him, was the kind to wear a ponytail and a blazer over a Grateful Dead t-shirt and call it business attire, but his aging hippie looks badly hid his intense business man aura. “What do you know about the JC Chasez Jive buy out?”

Ellie choked on her coffee, scared at the possibility that the news of her relationship with JC had reached her boss. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ve just gotten a tip that JC Chasez, formerly of *NSYNC…”

“We know who JC Chasez is, Sam,” Maurice grumbled.

“Anyway, I’ve just gotten a tip that there is going to be a press conference at the Wynette today at noon, announcing that he’s going to buy out his deal with Jive Records. I was wondering if he or his team had dropped any hints during your interviews with him.”

“Nothing, everything of note went on record, and everything on record went to print. Elizabeth had been extremely thorough in her notes,” Maurice reassured Sam.

“I would like you two, Elizabeth and Craig, to be at the press conference today. I want this story first hand. I don’t care what it takes to get it.” Sam walked out of the kitchenette and back to the bowels of his office. The three of them sat in silence for a moment.

“We’re not going to get in without press passes,” Craig said.

“I know a line in,” Ellie stated reluctantly.

“Well, then. Get on it and get down there.” Maurice left Craig and Ellie in the kitchenette. Craig put his mug into the sink.

“Please consider accepting our offer; you’ll need it after today. We’d be more than happy to meet Josh.”

Ellie paced the sidewalk outside of the Wynette, cell phone pressed to her ear. “Eric, I know this is really shitty, but I’m going to lose my job if I can’t get press passes.”

Craig watched Ellie in the rain from the hotel foyer. A small crowd of press had gathered in and around the hotel. He took a photo of her.

She hung up and walked in the building. “Nothing,” she told Craig. She sat on the sofa next to him. “We’re fucked.”

“It’s OK, baby. Mere mortals can’t move mountains. As much as Sam wants the story, he understands how this business works: the early bird gets the worm.” He patted her hand and took a sharp inhale. “What’s that smell?”

Carlos walked towards them, wearing a pair of jeans and a black leather jacket. “Ms. Argyle, please come with me.”

Ellie stood up and followed Carlos through the foyer and through a staff door leading to the kitchens and the freight elevator. “You really need to dry clean that jacket. I thought I wasn’t getting the passes, conflict of interest. You could’ve just brought them down to me.” She waited with him as the elevator came down.

“This is for pleasure, not business,” Carlos said as Emerson slid the elevator door open from the inside. JC quickly stepped out and took Ellie into his arms.

“Baby.” He greeted her, his voice muffled by her hair. "Things are really fucked up now."

Adam tugged on JC's suit to pull them apart. "Walk with me. Negotiations have gone sour; Jive didn't give a flying fuck most of last year, but now that JC's solo work is profitable, they're being difficult. We announced the press conference because they're suing, and we want our side out to the press before they file the suit." Adam briefed Ellie as they walked through the kitchen to the staff door Carlos had led her through only a moment earlier. He gave Ellie a hotel keycard. "Go up to JC's room. Roy, Jules, and Isaac are already up there. We'll give you an exclusive interview after the press conference on the condition that--"

"That you do not reveal your relationship with JC. Got it." Ellie cut him off, repeating what he had told her many times before as she gave a two-fingered salute. "Aren't you scared of the suit?"

"We have them on a contract loophole. There's no way they'll win."

Ellie turned to JC. "Are you ok?"

"I'm OK." JC nodded, unable to mask his discomfort. He pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. "I am scared shitless, save me." She took his face into her hands and kissed him in reassurance.

"It's OK, I'm here."

"OK." JC nodded. They kissed again as Emerson opened the door.

"What the fuck?" Craig had followed Ellie and Carlos to the staff door and had been standing there waiting for Ellie to return. He stood in bewilderment as Ellie stood aside to let JC, Adam, Eric, and Emerson make their way to the conference room. Carlos clicked at Craig as he asked Ellie who Craig was.

"Who is he?"

"Don't fucking click your fingers at me, you little shit."

"Craig, this is Carlos, JC's personal assistant. Carlos, this is Craig, one of my editors. He's also the magazine's photojournalist."

"So, he's a paparazzi?" Carlos asked as he gave Craig the once over.

"No, you little shit, I'm an experienced field photographer."

"I'm not sure if I can bring him up to the room."

"It wouldn't be fair if Craig sat downstairs whilst I did the interview, plus our editor would be very disappointed if we went back to the office with an exclusive story and no pictures. Please."

Carlos pursed his lips for a moment before he finally relented. "Fine."

They walked to the elevator. "The 'J' stands for Joshua, right?" Craig asked as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

"He doesn't know?" Carlos turned to ask.

"I don't mix my business and pleasure. He only knows that I'm dating a 'Josh'," Ellie explained before the elevator arrived. The three of them stepped in, Carlos standing in front of Ellie and Craig with his back turned to them.

"Oh,” he muttered with a small hint of surprise, “I thought you were different." Carlos was slowly coming to the realisation that maybe he may have misjudged her. He had seen so many of JC’s girlfriends tell as many people they could as soon as they could that they were dating a celebrity. If Ellie was telling the truth, she had at least kept things quiet amongst her co-workers. Maybe she could be trusted.

"Ellie, I need to give you some advice," Craig said as they continued their journey upstairs. "Love isn't just the nice 'he's cute, we really like each other, we have great sex' stuff. It's about being strong for each other, about being their boat's keel. Do you remember Paul?"

Carlos turned to face them. "Who's Paul?"

"Paul was my first husband, beautiful, generous man. He was taken from us at 32, AIDS-related pneumocystis pneumonia, literally choked to death. I was only 20. I could have run but I stayed. He was my only family. He had everyone, friends, colleagues, the GMHC, everyone. I only had him, so I stayed. I dealt with the vomit, the diarrhoea, the KS sores, everything, because I loved him. I buried my first love, but it was worth it.” Craig’s voice broke as he started recounting the story of his first marriage. He twisted the strap of his camera bag as he went on.

“Love is worth every little bit of bad shit you endure. No one should ever have to go through anything I went through for Paul, but I love Mo so much that I would do it again. I would do it for both of you if you needed me to. That's what love is--it's being strong for someone when they can't be strong for themselves. If you truly love Josh, you will stick by him, no matter what. He might break your heart. You can run then. But you can't run because you can't be strong for them, then say that you love him.” As he tried to say his bit whilst trying not to start balling, Craig took in a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

Ellie leaned against the elevator railing and looked at Carlos as he was internally starting to map out a faint assumption of Craig and Ellie’s relationship. Craig had obviously adopted Ellie as some kind of surrogate daughter, completely justified as she was so far from her family. Carlos unzipped his jacket as he came to the conclusion, someone as generous as Craig most likely wouldn’t waste his time building such a close relationship with Ellie if she was selfish and untrustworthy.

The elevator came to a halt as Craig made a final point. “One more thing, love should be felt. It should be lived ‘cause if you don't, you're gonna look back on it when they’re gone and regret it, or you're gonna look back on it when you're old and thank the heavens that you did. Love is scary, but it's worth it, ‘cause it's also safety. Don't ever be too scared to love, either of you." They stood in silence for a moment, unaware that the elevator door had opened.

"Mo is very lucky to have you, Craig," Carlos said, finally breaking the silence.

The three of them stepped out of the elevator. Carlos grabbed Ellie's arm to speak with her in private as Craig walked ahead. "I'm sorry. I misjudged you. I'll try to be more...um, respectful from now on."

“Um...thanks?” Ellie reeled her head back slightly in confusion.

Carlos offered a faint smile. “Well, my Ma does always say ‘judge a person by the company they keep.’”

Ellie held eye contact as she took in a small breath. "You really need to get rid of that jacket."

Saturday, April 16th, 2005.

"My chosen vocation is singer, not cat bed." JC motioned towards the three cats that had piled onto his lap as Ellie passed him a cup of hot chocolate.

"That's what you get for not cooking." Maurice sat down in the love seat at a 90 degree angle to the couch JC and Ellie were sitting on.

"Hey, he can make amazing Kraft macaroni and cheese."  Ellie defended JC.

"Oh, wow! We have a regular Julia Childs here, I can not wait to experience the upper most culinary expertise of Le Chef Chasez," Maurice remarked with sarcasm.

Ellie had taken Maurice and Craig up on their offer and was staying with them for the next few days with JC. They were staying in the run-down wooden beach house overlooking the beach. Unfortunately, the weather forecast of persistent rain had been right, and the four of them were spending most of their time watching movies, playing board games, and acting as impromptu pieces of furniture for Craig and Maurice's twin Siamese cats, Gregory and Tanisha, both tan with deep chocolate brown faces and paws.

"I hope you guys like Bambi," Craig called as he put the tape into the VCR, making his way to JC to pick up Gregory and snuggle down with him next to Maurice.

"I hope that's the smell of burning popcorn and I'm not having a stroke," Craig called to Maurice and JC in the kitchen.

"No, Craig. That's just the smell of you needing to shut the fuck up," Maurice called out to his husband. "Goddamn hypochondriac."

"I can see why you two like Ellie." JC observed.

"Exact same dry sense of humour?" Maurice rattled the saucepan of milk on the stove.

"Yeah."

"What's going on with you two? There's a lot of awkward silences between you and Ellie," Maurice said as he put a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

"We're playing 'I love you' chicken; she doesn't want to say it ‘cause I guess she thinks that the girl shouldn't say it first, and I don't want to say it ‘cause I'm afraid it's going to backfire in my face."

"Why is that son?"

"Anytime I open up to her, she runs from me for a bit."

"This is what I don't get about Ellie. She's a complete idealist romantic, but every time she's faced with actual romance, she runs screaming for the woods like a fretful teenager."

“Yeah, but Miles.”

“Everyone has had a Miles; some of us have even been Miles in some cases. Come on, who was she?”

JC paused and thought for a moment. “Nikki, I was 20 and away for nearly a year.”

“See, you were young, you made a mistake, you’re not like that now. You aren’t, are you?”

“I know, you’re going to kill me if I am.”

“God, no. But I can’t keep information like that from Ellie. Not unless you’ve come to an agreement.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I know a lot of couples who have open relationships.”

“How did you two meet? How did you know he was the one?”

“Craig and I met at an AIDS rally in 1986. I was taking interviews for a gay publication, and he was asked by the paper to take some photos of the people I was interviewing. Craig’s a natural people person, so he knew the best people with the best stories: artists, carers, activists, you name it. At the end of the night, he asked if he could stay at my place, and frankly he never left. Of course, we fucked like rabbits. We were lovers from day one, but…I don’t know. I found out that since moving to New York from Missouri, with the exception of the time he lived with Paul, he had been homeless.”

As the milk came to the boil, Maurice slowly dropped around half a block of Swiss chocolate into the liquid, stirring it as the swirl of dark brown changed the colour of the milk to a soft brown colour.

“Of course when Paul died, Paul’s family took over Paul’s estate and threw Craig out on the streets. He took whatever clothes and camera equipment he could fit into a messenger bag and went back to drifting. When I met him he was starving, severely underweight, and in the depths of mourning. He had no family; they abandoned him when he came out. He was just miserable. Of course within a week of staying with me, he slit his wrists and tried to overdose in my bathtub. He was ready to die and meet back with Paul. But I wouldn’t let him. We both had seen too many young, vibrant men go for no Goddamn reason. I wasn’t going to let him throw a perfectly good life away.”

Maurice turned the stove off and placed the saucepan on a green gingham pot holder to the side of the oven. He leaned against the sink as he cross his arms and continued the conversation, letting the hot chocolate cool.

“We became best friends, and with time, he learned to be happy again. It was a night like this one, raining, and we were running through the streets completely off our faces. We fucked under a railway bridge, and he told he loved me. We’ve been together nearly 20 years. When gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts, we knew that we had to make this legal. Of course, we were an old married couple by then. We had our two babies and we were happy. He’s my home; he’s my family. You’ll know one day. It won’t be a sudden strike of lightning realisation. You’ll just realise that you can’t live without that person.”

“So, what do you think of Josh?” Craig asked as Maurice crawled into bed next to him.

“I like him, nice guy.” Maurice shuffled himself under the covers and laid next to his husband, resting his head on his right fist. “I think they’re ready to tell each other that they love each other, but neither of them are ready to come out and say it first.”

“Ooh! Do you think they’ll say it here?”

“Possibly, we might see a lot of pregnant silences first, though.”

“I love a story with suspense.” Craig paused. “What are the chances we might see him naked?”

Sunday, April 17th, 2005.

“Da-da, da-da, da-da, April showers, Da da-da da, da-da da, da-da da.” Ellie had been up since dawn baking a pie crust and singing to herself. As the three men started to wake, she started making a batch of buttermilk biscuits for breakfast. JC stood at the doorway from the hall leading into the living area watching her knead and sing. He wanted desperately to tell her that he loved her. Maurice passed him without noticing him.

“Morning, Ellie.” His voice rose to a falsetto as Gregory ran to meet his master. “And a very good morning to you my Greggy-Boy. Where’s my T.T.? Come say good morning to Pappy, and a good morning to you, to Liney.” His voice lowered back down to his normal register. “I’m going to take your cat home with me, Ellie. Oh, morning, Josh.” He greeted JC when he noticed him. He glanced at Ellie in the kitchen and then glanced back to JC. “Anything you’d like to say?”

“No, I’m good.” JC responded.

Ellie made little splashes in her bath water with her left hand in time to the song in her head, her right hand holding up a tatty old paperback copy of a romance novel from the 1950s where a Duchess travels to Africa to see the diamond mine she inherited from her father and falls in love with her travel guide. JC knocked softly of the bathroom door.

“I’m indecent.” Ellie called out in response.

“Hey, can I come in?” JC poked his head through the door. She motioned for him to enter before he walked in and sat on the edge of the bath. He took the book off her. “How can you read such trash?”

He opened to a random page and started to read out loud in a comical British accent. “She murmured his name as they kissed, her rosy bosom heaving as she felt his manhood press against the seam of his trousers, ‘Jeffrey, I can not possibly continue, it will do great dishonour to my family’s name.’ Jeffrey stared intensely into her violet eyes.

“‘Lucinda, either you consummate our love here, or I will drag you on the first tall ship out of Cape Town back to England to wed in front of Queen Victoria’s whole court, and I would not be wrong in supposing that our love will not be able to wait the four month voyage.’

“‘Jeffery, if you swear, you may take me now.’

“‘Lucinda, I swear with every star in the sky that a chalice large enough to hold every drop in the seven seas would still runneth over with my love for you.’” JC skimmed the rest of the page. “He’s bullshitting her…They don’t even fuck!”

“If they printed graphic sex scenes in the 50s, they wouldn’t be published,” Ellie explained. “In fact, most erotica was banned then.” They sat for a moment in silence. “Josh, how do you know when you’re in love?”

“When I’m in love or when someone is in love in general?”

“In general.”

“How did you know you were in love with Miles?”

“I’m not sure I was ever in love with Miles. I was just happy he wanted to be with me. Claire was always the beauty; she got all the guys. I was just happy that one of them noticed me.”

“I thought you were engaged?”

“We were. I’m not sure why we ever were. Sometimes I feel like it was because everyone back home marries young, either their high school or college sweetheart. Sometimes I think I accepted because I thought he would stop cheating if I did. You know, I only intended to intern at Clefnotes for one summer. I only took the job offer because I didn’t really have anything back home going for me. The only work I was offered was writing the parish women’s bible study newsletter for free. I was going to work in Gran’s diner for money.” She watched him as he placed the book on top of the laundry hamper and kneeled beside the tub. “Craig says love is being strong for someone when they can’t be strong for themselves.”

“It can be sometimes. Every relationship is different; they all have different needs. Craig’s a widower who nursed his dying husband. His idea of love is going to be different than someone who hasn’t had that experience.” JC rested his head on the side of the bath.

"How do you know when you're in love?"

He thought about it for a moment. "I create more. I write a lot more songs, I guess. I…” He stopped, unable to continue.

“Have you been writing a lot more at the moment?”

“I’m not really recording, nor do I have the resources. But I do have this idea. It’s kinda about you and how I suppose you’re feeling right now. The whole idea that you want to be with me, but you’re also too scared of what you’re feeling right now. You seem to have gotten this idea that true love is carefree, that once you’ve found the right person that you’ll never feel pain again, but you’re also dealing with all these strong emotions for the first time, and it scares you, so you want to run, but you’re also having a good time so you want to stay. You also know that you’re never going to be the same person again.” He paused. “I think I may have ruined you. I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Ellie reached her hand out and stroked the hair above his right ear. “You’re very beautiful, you know.”

Monday, April 18th

“B-O-R-D-E-R, border.” Craig placed down his Scrabble tiles.

“That’s ten points, plus double letter value for both D and R equals…thirteen points. I wish you wouldn't have placed an ‘E’ so close to a triple word score tile,” Maurice said, anticipating Ellie’s next move.

“Hey, you’re just pissed that cum isn’t a legal word.” Ellie exclaimed as she rearranged her tiles.

“Yes, it is.” Maurice tried to correct her as he scribbled Craig’s score onto a small paper pad in pencil.

“Not C-U-M.” She rebutted him as she picked her tiles off her stand and starting placing them on the board. “Anyway, Q-U-E-A-Z-Y, 27 plus double letter score for the A, that's 28. Add the triple word score, 28 times 3 equals...84.” She turned to JC, who was more entertained by the players than the game. “Josh, honey, turn.”

After long consideration, he let out a groan.“This is so fucking corny, L-O-V-E, love.”

“Ooooooooh! It’s the perfect moment, tell her, tell her.” Craig jumped up and down in his seat.

“Tell me what?” Ellie looked at him with a quizzical look.

JC stared down at the board trying to find a way to change the subject. He came to the realisation that there was only one way to cover his ass. “Um…love, 9 points plus double word score, 18 points.”

Craig sat with his mouth open.

Maurice leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Oh, I love you.”

“I love you, too, babe.” Craig leaned back over to kiss Maurice on the lips.

“And I love you.” Maurice scooped Tanisha off his lap and kissed her head as she meowed.

An hour or so later, as Maurice put away the game and Ellie fed the cats, Craig and JC sat at the table on the patio overlooking the beach, talking and drinking beer. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you meet Paul?” JC asked as he took a swig of beer.

“It was Thanksgiving 1983. Paul volunteered at a homeless shelter…”

“Really now?”

“He was going to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. He stopped by one of the bath houses in the village on the way there. The baths were great if you were like me, a place to sleep for 5 dollars a night. He came into my little room and propositioned me. A man that gorgeous, you don’t say no. When we were done, he asked me if I had somewhere to be. I said no. He took me to his friends house and then back to his apartment. I didn’t leave until his crone of a mother kicked me out 10 months later. She didn’t give a shit until she inherited the estate. I had to arrange his treatment, the funeral, bitch.”

They sat for a moment watching the rainfall from the patio roof into the garden underneath.

“You refer to him as your first husband?”

“He married young, before he was out. Lots of us did back then. We were hiding ourselves. When he got the diagnosis, he explained that he always wanted to get married again, but unfortunately he wasn’t going to be around long enough to be able to do that. He was always very realistic. He never pretended he was going to beat it. He knew it was his time to go. When he knew I wasn't going anywhere, he asked me to be his husband, gave me his old wedding ring. We didn’t have a ceremony or anything. He just gave it to me one night in bed.” He looked down at the gold band on his finger and slowly twisted it around. “Maurice let me use Paul’s ring. Maurice’s belonged to his grandfather. He left it to him in his will. We’re not even sure if he knew.”

“You knew you loved Paul because you were strong for him when he couldn’t be, and you know that Maurice loves you because he was strong for you when you couldn’t be for yourself.”

Craig sniffed. “Yeah, how do you know you love Ellie?”

“She makes me happy; I haven’t been for a very long time. We recorded this song, my group and I, for our debut album. The idea was that this girl has everything, wealth, the best car, but she had no one to love her. I felt like that. I have everything anyone could ever want, but I just wasn’t happy. Ellie’s changed that.”

“The best love is like that. The kind that’s there when you need it most. I’m not sure I’m at liberty to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure Ellie was depressed before you came along. She had closed herself off. That sense of humour wasn’t there when we met her, but she just got her heart completely obliterated. She needed to learn how to protect herself. At times like that, you seek out the darkness, but you always secretly hope for a little beam of light, a chance to be happy again.

“She wasn’t supposed to stay on set with you all day, just 15 minutes to get a short interview. She missed an interview with Paris Hilton because of how much she liked you. It was worth it, really, not just the cover story you ended up giving us, but the fact that I get to see my girl happy instead of having to put together a ‘hot looks’ photo spread of a syphilitic Barbie doll.” JC did a spit-take, beer coming out of his nose in laughter.

Wednesday, April 20th

“Good to see the rain finally cleared up,” Maurice mentioned as he walked into the living room that morning.

“Shhh!…It’s OK, just pretend I’m not here.” Craig shushed him as he held his camera to his face. He snapped a photo of Ellie and JC in the kitchen, singing along to the radio as they swayed back and forth, JC behind her as she stirred a pot of oatmeal. “The sun is creating the most incredible lighting this morning. With subjects like these, I couldn’t resist. Them on the other hand…”

“I remember when we were like that. All fucking night, banging and giggling.”

“My ass is sore just thinking about it.” Craig snapped another photo as JC softly bit Ellie’s left earlobe.

JC and Ellie walked along the beach as Craig and Maurice followed behind them. They had fallen behind as Craig would stop to take the occasional photo.

“It’s very beautiful here, great place to have a wedding,” Ellie observed as she stopped to look at a patch of pitch pines growing by the side of the dunes. “I would love to return here one day to get married.”

JC picked off a stray leaf caught in the skirt of her white sundress. “I’m not sure I want a wedding.”

“Then how are you going to get married?”

“I don’t think I want to get married, at least not legally. I don’t really see the point.”

Ellie halted, the wind knocked out of her. She had always dreamed about her wedding, a small ceremony with friends and family on a day not unlike that day. She felt him look at her, searching for a reaction as she stared at her feet in the sand.

“It’s just a piece of paper. It doesn’t mean anything if you stay with me. It also doesn’t mean shit except for a lot of unnecessary hassle if you decide to leave.”

“What about God?” she finally murmured out.

“We could easily get our union blessed by a minister if you really need that.”

“What about children?” Her head snapped up to look him in the eyes.

“I’m not even sure I want children.” As he said this, the images of Sherman James and Annabelle Joyce Argyle-Chasez popped out of her head like balloons.

“I can’t stay with you if you don’t want children. I’ve always dreamed of being a mother.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want them. I’m just not sure yet. We’ll have them if that’s the plan for us.”

“Is that a yes?”

He paused in thought. Ellie watched for a response for what seem like a thousand eternities.

He finally answered. “Yes.”

Ellie screamed in joy as she jumped, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Yes! Yes! Baby! Joshua!” The words slipped out of her mouth. “I love you.”

JC looked into her eyes for a millisecond before he placed his hand on the nape of her neck and pulled her in to kiss her. “I love you, too. I swear on every star in the sky that a chalice large enough to hold every drop in the seven seas would run over with my love for you.”

“Runneth over.” She corrected him, giggling as they pressed their noses together, Maurice and Craig screaming in joy as they jumped around in the background.

Monday, April 25th.

Samuel Evans’s office was the largest on the floor. Though it received the most natural daylight during the work day, it was nicknamed “the Bowels” by his coworkers at the magazine as he had decorated it in industrial monotonous greys and chrome. He sat at his glass desk with a veneer made to look like grey marble on the wall behind him. He heard a small knocking.

He greeted Ellie as he looked up to see who was at his door. “Elizabeth, how are you this morning? I was just looking over your article about JC Chasez. So sad to see someone so talented get the shaft. Hopefully it’ll turn out in his favour.” He shook his head as Ellie sat in a grey leather grey facing her boss.

“It’s fucking awful when art is treated like business, especially when artists are usually such sensitive creatures. I really have no idea how you got such an exclusive. They must like you over there at Team Chasez.” He took a sip of water before changing the subject. “Anyway, what brings us this pleasure this morning? You’re not leaving us? Whatever Vogue’s offering you, I’ll match it in gummy bears,” he said jokingly.

“Actually, Sam, it’s about JC. Unless personally requested by his management, I no longer am willing to cover any story related to him. Conflict of interest.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that. You seem to have a great rapport. Can you give me a reason why?”

“We’re in love, about 9 weeks now. I’m well aware that I have violated the sexual conduct code and understand if you wish to penalise me.” She stared into her lap for a moment. “I need to go.” She stood up, not looking Sam in the eyes, closing the door before she heard his response.

“That’s wonderful…funny duck that one.”

Ellie found a large yellow envelope on her desk when she returned. She undid the clasp and slid out the pile of photographs Craig had developed in his dark room the night before. She flipped through them, the many photos of Linus Maurice had taken whenever he took the camera, the grey fuzzball sniffing Gregory, lounging in the sun on the cat tree by the front window, laying on JC’s lap as JC reclined on the couch watching TV. Inside were a few portraits of her cooking and tying her hair up. There were a few of JC sleeping or goofing off for the camera. But most of the photos were of JC and Ellie, snuggled up together, little moments of affection caught unawares. The final two were doubles of a black-and-white photo Craig must have taken on the beach the Wednesday before. JC and Ellie held each other, her arms around his neck as he placed his hand on her cheek. They were smiling, looking into each other’s eyes as they pressed their noses together. The sleeves of JC’s striped button down were rolled up to his elbows, sand covering the bottom of his jeans, his feet hidden in the sand as the skirt of Ellie dress blew softly in the breeze.

Chapter 7 - You Ruined Me

Catherine walked over to the far left corner booth in the waffle house she worked at holding a plate of pancakes and a cup of coffee on a saucer. Her 4-year-old son was sitting, colouring, singing in perfect harmony to the Christmas music playing over the radio. “Great singing, baby.” She leaned down to kiss his head.

“Thanks, Mommy.”

She sat down across him, placing the plate of pancakes in front of him. She took a napkin out of the dispenser and placed her cup on top of it. She cut the stack of pancakes in half and lifted one of the halves onto her saucer, cutting it into small pieces.

“Syrup, baby?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

She poured the syrup over the mass and passed the saucer over to her son, giving him her teaspoon. “Here you go, baby. Say grace, baby.” She reached over and took his little hands into hers. “Lord, we thank you for this day, we thank you for this meal and for sending your son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to save us. Amen.”

“Amen.”

She added sugar to her coffee as she watched her blue-eyed, brown-haired son eat half of the three pancakes she was allowed during her late night break if she needed food.

Her boss, a portly man with white hair and a moustache, made his way to the booth and placed a glass of milk and a plate of bacon on the table in between her and her son. “Here, for you and Josh.”

“Thanks, Pat.”

“Merry Christmas, Kit.”

Wednesday, May 4th

JC laid across his bed as he watched Ellie slide the stocking up her leg and button it to her suspenders. “Are you sure you want to wear all that?” he asked, gesturing to the black lace lingerie set she planned to wear underneath her business suit that day.

“I like wearing it sometimes, makes me feel like a woman,” she said as she zipped up her pencil skirt over one of JC’s grey button down shirts. “Any plans for tonight?”

“May 4th, Lance’s birthday dinner, you'll get to meet Chris and Joey tonight. If he’s up to it, maybe even Tony.”

“I can’t believe that I might get to meet the Tony Lucca from the Mickey Mouse Club. That’s like meeting Cubby and shit.” She checked her slicked down ballerina bun in the mirror and her makeup. “It’s really cool that you two write together. These cuffs are French.” She stated as she was unable to do up the nonexistent buttons on the cuffs. JC got up from the bed and walked over to the dresser, sliding open one of the top drawers.

“Here, take these.” He took out a pair of treble clef cufflinks. “These are really corny, but they’ll do.”

“Awww, no, they’re not. It’s to remind me of you throughout the day. It’s sweet.” She reached up on her tippy toes to kiss him. She then reapplied her lipstick and put on her perfume.

“What do I have to remind me of you?”

“Here.” She took one of her business cards out of her purse and pressed it between her lips, marking it with her rose pink lipstick. She then sprayed a single pulse of her perfume on it. She walked over to him and slipped it into his jean pocket. “When you smell that, remember what I’m wearing today. If you’re a good boy, I’ll let Daddy take it off.” She swiped her fingers up the length of his fly and made a slow biting motion. She put on a pair of black leather pumps, grabbed her jacket and purse, and made her way down the stairs. He followed her down to the foyer, the callbox on the gate buzzing as he helped her put her jacket on.

“Yo, J, it’s Tone, let me in.” JC pressed the button by the door before he gave Ellie the keys to his Mercedes.

“I trust you not to crash it.” They walked out the door as a tall, bearded man with brown hair walked down the drive with a guitar case. He took off his sunglasses and exclaimed.

“Hot dang! I don’t know what’s finer, the girl or the car. Where do you find these women, J?”

“Actually, she found me.”

“Is this the notorious Ellie? Shwing!”

“Wayne’s World, seriously? I didn’t know it was 1990,” Ellie drawled in an heightened Cajun accent.

“Ohh, Mama’s got some spice to her.”

Ellie licked her top lip and cocked her head to the left.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m gonna shove that guitar case so far up your ass…” Ellie was cut off by both JC and Tony bursting out laughing.

“I get it now, man.”

“I said she was hilarious.” As the laughter died down, JC introduced them. “Anthony, Elizabeth. Ellie, Tony.”

“It was great meeting the Tony Lucca, but I need to get going. Jessica Simpson will not interview herself.” Ellie pressed JC against the hood of the car and slowly guided his hand up the back of her thigh, brushing his fingers along the seam of her stocking. She whispered, “Remember, Daddy, be a good boy. Love you.” She pecked him on the lips, got in the car and drove away.

Tony stood in silence as JC closed the gate. “Fuck damn, what was that?”

“She’s in this weird mistress thing today.” They made their way into the house and started down the stairs to JC’s writing room. “Someone’s getting spanked.”

“They sure are, Daddy!”

JC, Tony, and Ellie walked down Lance’s driveway, all three of them holding baking trays covered with foil. JC balanced his tray and rung the doorbell.

Lance answered. “Hi, guys, what’s this?”

“JC told me how much you love a peach cobbler. I made enough for about thirty.”

“That’ll be twenty plus Joey? Just take them into the kitchen. Chris is already in there, Joey’s out back.” He stopped JC briefly. “Justin and Cameron may grace us with their presence, barbs in tonight, please.”

Ellie followed the men into the kitchen. “This house is very beautiful and well-decorated, Lance.”

“I hope so. I had to fuck my real estate agent to get it.”

"Oh no! The debauchery." A short black-haired man gasped in faux shock, placing his hand on his chest. He then extended his hand out to Ellie. “Chris, nice to meet you. That Sasquatch making his way in is Joey.”

A tall, black-haired man made his way through the sliding door.

“JC! Dude!” Joey took JC into a bear hug and lifted him off the ground. “I’ve fucking missed you, man!” He wrestled with JC briefly, taking him into a headlock. “I hope you’ve been treating our boy well.”

Chris droned in a monotone voice, “We get very protective of him.”

“Please don’t choke my boyfriend,” Ellie said in a worried tone.

“It’s fine, nothing I can’t handle,” JC sputtered in reassurance, his face turning bright pink.

Ellie brushed her hair with her fingers, letting it down. She took a swig of beer and softly kissed JC’s left temple. The party had died down, most of the guests leaving, some not having arrived. The remaining guests, Chris, Lance, JC and Ellie, sat by the pool catching up and drinking. JC was in a lawn chair with Ellie perched on his lap. He was telling the anecdote of when he had met Ellie’s father, John.

“Her father threatened to kill me the first time we spoke on the phone, claimed he killed 24 men in Vietnam.”

“What?” Chris and Lance both said in unison, Lance continuing. “He can’t be serious.”

“He’s not. He was an army cook. He gives off this spiel about having earned the distinguished service cross for his kill record. He really saved three men from a burning truck. He’s just protective of his baby girl. Isn’t Daddy?” Ellie whispered as she softly bit JC’s jawline.

“Ow, stop being so nippy.”

“I’m not being nippy.”

“You are. You keep biting me.”

Lance and Chris looked on as the couple tickle fought.

“Are you sure Justin said he was dropping by?” Chris asked as he stared straight ahead.

“Yeah, he said he’d be here within the hour,” Lance answered as he checked his watch.

“If I wasn’t so drunk, I would be so depressed right now,” Chris stated as he took a swig of beer as JC and Ellie kissed.

Ellie bit her bottom lip and looked into JC's eyes. She whispered in his ear, “Does Daddy want to come out and play?”

“Miss Elizabeth here has just asked me to show her to the little girls’ room,” JC said as they stood up, making their way into the house.

“Not in my bed, please.” Lance called after them as the doorbell rang, waking Joey on the living room couch.

Joey got up up to open the door for Justin. “Hey, man.” They pulled each other in for a hug as a thwack sounded through the halls.

“Was that JC?” Justin asked.

His question was answered by JC’s voice, a growl coming through the halls. “Mummy needed a spanking.”

JC slammed the bathroom door behind him as he and Ellie kissed. He spun her around and slammed her against the bare wall behind the door and hiked up her skirt, baring her ass. “Someone’s been a bad girl.” He growled as he spanked her, leaving a bright pink mark on her milky white bottom. He unzipped his fly and started running his hand up and down his cock, making it hard. “Touch yourself, make yourself wet for me.” He growled.

“Yes, Daddy.” Ellie complied as she reached down and started rubbing her pussy. She started groaning in pleasure.

“I want you to fucking scream.”

A cry rang through the halls as the four men sat at the kitchen counter eating what was left over of Ellie’s cobbler. “She’s a screamer.” Lance observed

“I’ll give her this,” Justin commented in between bites. “She knows how to make a damn good cobbler.”

“She’s also a very talented writer,” Joey said, making Justin place down his fork to stare at him. “What? I’ve been reading her articles. She’s quite good.”

Chris sat for a while, slowly spinning his fork in his hand, looking at the orange lump at the top. He finally spoke. “I hear she’s a squirter.” The four sat in silence as Chris’s statement sunk in.

“There’s no possible way you could know…” Lance was cut off by Justin choking on his bite in laughter. The other three joined in as a second cry came through the hall.

“What is he doing to her in there?” Lance leaned to the side, peering into the hall.

JC stretched the back strap of Ellie’s thong to the left, holding it in place as he dug his fingers into her ass cheeks. “I hope you’re ready for this.” He growled as he rammed his cock into her. She let out a cry, breathing heavily as she waited for him to start thrusting into her. He drew himself out of her slowly, only to ram himself back in, repeating this as he picked up his pace. She let out a small cry every time he thrusted into her, increasing in volume as his thrusts became harder and faster until she was unable to start and stop in time with him. She leaned further into the wall, pressing her upper torso against it as she reached down to start pleasuring herself. She let out a long whimper as she came.

“Daddy.” She tried to removed her hand but he held it in place.

“Keep going. I want you to come when I come in you.” He felt her pussy contract around him, almost triggering his climax. He thrust into her a few final times as she whimpered, stopping when he was finished. He pressed her against the wall for a moment, steadying himself. He asked sincerely after a moment, “Did I hurt you, baby?”

“No.” She gasped as he softly kissed her cheek.

After a few moments, JC walked into the kitchen, took a glass from the cupboard, and poured himself a drink of water. His four former bandmates watched as he downed the pint of fluid. He placed the glass on the counter and placed his hands either side of it, coming face-to-face with Justin for the first time since late September. The five of them sat in silence for the first time in years.

Justin spoke first. "Why did you sell me out, man?"

"You don't have the time to ask yourself in person, but you have the time to call your lawyers to order them to threaten me?" JC snapped back.

"You hurt my feelings," Justin said as he placed his hand on his chest, symbolising the emotional pain he was trying to convey.

"You broke the fucking group up!" JC slammed his hand on the bench.

"No! You did. You guys could have continued without me, but you're the one who decided you were too good for that." Justin stressed, pointing across the bench at JC.

"Only because you left the group! What's the fucking point of having motherfucking *NSYNC without the king of pop, Justin motherfucking Timberlake!" JC yelled, gesturing his hands in anger.

"I don't appreciate how you're speaking to me, JC," Justin said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, go fuck yourself, you cunt." JC stormed out of the kitchen. "Ellie, we're leaving," he yelled as he slammed the front door open and left. Ellie slinked into the kitchen to collect the baking dishes.

"I'll just take these."

"It's fine," Lance reassured her. "I'll bring them over tomorrow."

"OK, thanks for the party." She stood with her eyes downward for a moment. "It was nice meeting all of you."

Justin interrupted her as she turned to leave. "Why would a beautiful girl like you choose to be with a piece of trash like him?"

Caught off guard, Ellie tried to whisper in response, "He's actually really sweet."

"Baby girl, you don't know what a guy like him will do to a sweet magnolia petal like yourself," Justin drawled in a Tennessee accent much thicker than the one he was using earlier.

Ellie snapped, turning her head to face Justin, her eyes determined and lips pursed. "Don't you fucking tell me what I know, you little Appalachian fucking turd. Down home, boys like you have done just as much shit as anyone else. The only reason you guys get off is ‘cause there's so few of you, but that's only because redneck shits like you don't know a fucking pussy from a tailpipe."

"Calm down, missy."

"Isn't there some swamp creature you should be fucking?" She followed JC out the door.

Justin got up to leave. "Well, I guess it’s time for me to go. They deserve each other."

"J, you know that shit happens when you talk to women like that," Joey said as he got up from the bench.

"If she had some class..."

Justin was cut off by Lance. "If she had some class? They fucked in my bathroom!" Lance buried his head in his hands. "Just go. I don't give a shit. We can't even be civil for my birthday."

Joey led Justin out. They paused to watch JC and Ellie get into a cab to leave, overhearing one of them using the term “hypocrite".

"How am I a hypocrite?" Justin asked as he got into his car and drove off.

"Britney," Joey grumbled under his breath as he returned to the kitchen, finding Lance with his head buried in his arms on the bench and Chris wide-eyed, reeled back in the same position he had taken in shock when Ellie snapped at Justin. "What's your problem?"

"Just wow," Chris whispered. "She fucking snapped."

"Well," Lance said as he raised his head up, "what Justin said was incredibly sexist." They sat in silence for a moment.

"She's the one, you know. The trifecta: wit, intelligence, and from what we just heard, she can not only keep up with him but hold her own." Joey observed as he took three beers out of the fridge.

"Sexually or sass?" Lance responded.

"Both."

"You know, Justin is probably going to try and steal her. There's no way he'll let JC have a girl like that." Chris conspired as he took a swig.

"What on earth do you mean, Chris?" Lance asked.

"Justin's really fucking pissed at JC for stepping too far out of line. I can completely see him trying to steal her to get back at JC. I just hope she's loyal enough to choose JC over Justin."

Joey rested his elbow on the bench and placed his chin on his fist. "I don't see her being like that. At least, I hope she's not. He really loves her. She wouldn't have been around as long as she has been if he didn't."

"Yeah, but Eva," Chris murmured, spinning the bottle cap.

"I haven't read one lick about those two," Lance commented in reference to JC and Ellie. "She doesn't even go into depth about their rapport during their interviews together. She just asks her questions and gets out of there. She only writes in depth if something needs to be explained to the reader."

"Oh, so when you read her articles, it's in depth analysis, but when I read her articles, I get looked at like it's a wonder I can read," Joey exclaimed, raising his face from his hand.

"Shut up, Joey.”

The next day around noon, Ellie heard an electronic buzz as she worked on her laptop on JC’s bed.

“Hey.” JC’s voice came over the intercom.

“Hey, JC. It’s Lance. Can you please open the gate?”

“Ellie, would you mind doing that, please?” Ellie got up from the bed and made her way downstairs as the sounds of music resumed playing from JC’s writing room.

She opened the door to the garage and pressed the green button on the panel by the door. She opened the door and watched Lance as he slid the gate closed and walked down the driveway with a large brown paper bag.

Once they were inside, Lance placed the bag on the floor of the foyer and hugged her, apologising for the night before.“Hi, honey. I am so sorry about last night.”

“What do you mean? I had a great time. If anything, I should be apologising. I could’ve waited until we got home. Also, I feel like we only stayed as long as we did because JC wanted me to meet all the others last night.”

“I’m not sure he really wanted to. I should have told him Justin wasn’t over the argument they’re having, but I was too selfish to listen to either Joey or Chris. I just want the five of us to be friends again.”

“They’ve know each other, what 13, 14 years. They’ll find a way to work it out.”

“I’m not too sure. They haven’t gone this long without speaking, at least in the 10 years I’ve known the two of them. I think you might be being a bit too optimistic. Anyway, speaking of JC, why didn’t he answer the door if he’s home?”

“Oh, him and Tony are working on a song. I guess they’re in the zone or something. They’ll come up for air when they’re hungry.”

He followed her into the kitchen. She took the three clean baking dishes out of the shopping bag and placed them by the sink.

“Is there anything I can get you? Coffee, water…sweet tea?”

“You are from the south.” He laughed. “Coffee will be fine.” He took a seat at the island bench as she took the jar of instant coffee out of the cupboard and put a kettle of water on

the stove.

“Great. As you know, everyone from the south drinks sweet tea. It feels weird not having to offer it all to time. You know, from living up in the north for so long, I never know what to do when I encounter an actual southerner.”

“How long have you been living in New York? Is that where you went to school?”

“Oh no, I’ve been living in New York for about 5 years now. I went to school in Baton Rouge. I’m from one of the more rural areas of the county.” She finished making the coffee and sat in the seat next to him.

“JC wondered aloud to me a few weeks ago why a smart girl like you only managed to get into Louisiana State,” he inquired as he stirred a lump of sugar into his coffee.

“Oh, I got offers from both Princeton and Yale, but the dickbrain I was dating at the time only wanted to go to LSU. He somehow managed to manipulate me to stay back home for college.”

“Oh, so you stayed for love? How did you end up in New York?”

“My best friend Claire convinced her boyfriend, Derek, to do his masters at Columbia. She got a job straight out of college for a trading company and begged me to do a summer internship, so she would have someone up there for company, at least, for the first summer. I was only supposed to be there 3 months, but Maurice offered me a job as a copy editor. I didn’t really have anything to go back home to, well except my family, so I took the job.”

He placed the cup onto the bench, turning it in his hand. “Do you think you’ll go back there? I mean, to settle.”

“I not really sure. I like it in New York; it has a lot more personality than Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge kinda just feels like a small town that got too big. But New York feels like, I don’t know, like a living organism. I mean, I like my hometown, but I miss the fast pace. I can’t wait to get my bearings a little more here and really get out amongst everyone.”

She picked up a teaspoon and started rubbing the handle with her thumb. “I kinda feel like I’m kinda locked in an ivory tower, but the only people I know are JC and the small amount of people I know because of him. It’ll be great to have at least one friend to do lunch with or go shopping with. It kills me that there are so many eccentric people living here, and I can’t go to a vintage shop.”

“Just go alone,” he said as he finished the cup.

“No, you need someone to tell you if something you like is shit. And you feel stupid when some socialites come in, and you're just this boring country girl looking at the sweaters.”

Lance got up from the bench and grabbed his keys. “Well, I’m having a big party on Saturday for my birthday, big formal event. You’ll probably need to buy something for that.” He hugged her. “Thanks for the coffee. Tell JC I said ‘Hi.’” She followed him to the front door. “Please consider coming. I’ll love to have you there. Just between you and me, I didn’t invite Justin, not that he would bother coming. He just can’t bear to share the spotlight with the little old birthday boy. Bye, love.” He walked out the door and up the driveway, turning to wave as he let himself out the gate.

Ellie awoke to the sound of someone banging on a piano. “Baby?” she whispered before realising that she was alone in bed. She got up and put on the t-shirt JC had been wearing that day and walked out onto the landing.

JC was sitting at the piano in a pair of pajama pants. He would start playing a melody, then start banging on the keys in frustration.

“Baby, it’s 3 am. What’s wrong?”

He sat in silence, breathing heavily. She walked over and sat beside him on the piano bench. She ran her fingers through his hair and rested her head on his arm as she rubbed his back to comfort him. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

He finally spoke. “I’m scared. My last album was a moderate success just by the skin of the teeth. If I hadn’t sold Justin out, it probably wouldn’t have been. I don't think anyone would want another album from me. They want another *NSYNC album. And what if this lawsuit doesn’t come out in my favour? I don’t have that much money if Jive wins, and I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for. I’ll be ruined with no way to earn income. I can take cheap producer work here and there because I am financially stable. But if we lose, I won’t be.”

“You’ll find a way.”

“What if this is it? What if this is the thing that ends my career?”

“It won’t. This isn’t some massive sex scandal or anything. You’re just an artist trying to win your right to be treated fairly. Even if you do lose, there’s nothing they can do to discredit 15 years of hard work.”

“You don’t understand what I’m up against.”

“Maybe I don’t, but if anything happens, we’ll work through it, OK?”

“No, you’ll leave me. They all do.” He closed the lid on the piano and rested his forehead on it. “Either you’ll get sick of my shit, or you’ll find someone better.”

"Well, what happens when I stop being sexually available to you 24/7? Are you going to fuck off the moment we stop having sex?"

"What?"

"We fuck constantly. If we weren't still in that new love, infatuation stage, people would think that’s it’s weird. In fact, most people who know do. It’s not normal.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about about.”

“No, it is. You’ve got your insecurities about the relationship. Well, here’s mine. Are you going to dump me if I gain 5 pounds? Are you going to dump me when you realise that I have no interest in the Hollywood lifestyle? You said the day we met in the interview that you prefer to be single when you’ve got a full schedule, so what happens to me when that happens again?

“What happens if my work load gets heavier and I can’t spend as much time with you as I do? Is your ego healthy enough for me not to give up my work to tour with you? Are you OK with dating someone who wants to be more than JC Chasez’s girlfriend? You’re not sure if you want children. Well, what’s going to happen when I do? Are you going to dump me then? Or if I get pregnant by accident, are you going to abandon me?”

“Well, what happens if I decide to move back to Maryland and decide to become a music teacher? What if I decide one day that I don’t want to be JC Chasez anymore?”

“I’ll either try my hardest to convince you to teach in New York, or I’ll take the train into New York everyday for work. I might even fly in every Friday. Or, God forbid, I get a job at a Washington publication. I could write subtle but bitchy comments about senators’ wives and Capitol Hill socialites.”

“You’d be good at that.”

“I’d be fucking fantastic at that. Never teach a southern girl how to read. There’s literacy, then there’s allowing your life to become a magnolia arboretum.”

“Why are you with me?”

“The sex is fucking amazing. You’re smart and funny. You’re also a bit of a sweetie pie.”

“You’re not with me because I’m famous?”

“No.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I have no desire to be famous myself. I would also want to be with you if you worked in waste treatment. I love you so much that I would still be with you if you came home everyday smelling like shit.”

“Why are you scared of me?”

“I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of how you make me feel. I’m scared of how happy I am when I see you. I’m scared of how much I miss you when we’re apart. I’ve never felt as at peace with anyone as I do with you, not since I lived with my parents before I moved to New York. I’m scared of how comfortable I am with you, emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. I’m scared that I can ask you for anything in bed, and within reason, we’ll do it. I’m scared that with you, it feels OK.

“You don’t make me feel like some kind of a whore because I want great sex. I want to come. I want to be fucked, but that’s OK with you. That’s just how we do things. I’m scared that we just enjoy each other and how it could just all go away instantly. I’m scared that you’ll turn into someone else. I’m scared that I’m not enough for you. I’m scared for how easily you could hurt me. I’ve never been in love like this.” She buried her head into his shoulder. “I just want you to love me.”

“I do love you.”

“I know. I just don’t want you to stop.”

They sat in silence for a moment as he lifted the lid on the piano keyboard. “I wrote a song about you, the one I told you about in the bathroom. I’m having some issues with the verses, but I think I’ve got the middle eight.” He started to play a melody on the piano. “It’s not about me, how I feel. It’s my impression of how you felt at the beginning.”

He cleared his throat, made a deep humming noise, and started singing. “I don’t want to be in love. I don’t to feel this way. All I want to do is leave, but all I can do is stay. Nights and days go by, and I can’t wait to touch your face, again.” For the last line, he went up into a falsetto. He played a scale and stopped playing. “It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s beautiful.” She stood up and placed her left hand on his jaw as she turned his head slowly, bending down to kiss him. “Baby, come to bed.” She disappeared into the bedroom.

He followed her in to find her sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Come here, baby. Kiss me again.”

He walked up to her and placed both hands on either side of her face as he bent down to kiss her. With her left hand, she tugged on his pants and slid her hand into the band, softly grasping onto his right hip as she slid her right hand in between his legs and cupped his dick through the material. He lifted the t-shirt she was wearing up over her head, leaving her bare.

“Get on the bed,” he said as he pulled down his waistband and stepped out of his pants.

She moved to the centre of the bed with her head up near the head board. She slid her fingers in between her legs and started rubbing her pussy to make herself wet.

He got on the bed and knelt in front of her, running his hand up and down the shaft of his penis. “Don’t make yourself come,” he told her as he reached over to the bedside table and took a condom out of the drawer.

She took the small silver packet from him and tore it open, taking out the bit of rubber and started to run her fingers along the shaft of his cock, checking if he was hard enough. He kissed her as she rolled the condom onto his dick. He spread her legs and slid himself into her, thrusting softly and slowly as he started to rub her clit. He leaned forward, biting her nipple before he positioned himself face-to-face to her, placing his left arm above her head as he kissed her. He felt her tilt her hips forward and her pussy tighten as she let out a soft moan as she came.

“Fuck,” she whispered, digging her fingernails into his biceps.

He placed his right hand on her jaw as he kissed her again, quickening his momentum as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Their breathing became in sync, exhaling with every thrust, inhaling as he withdrew. He took her left knee and drew it to his side as he quickened his momentum again, digging his fingers into her thigh as he thrusted deeper into her, increasing his force as his came closer to climax. He kissed her again, holding his breath as he felt pressure build up inside of him. He exhaled a flush of hot breath over her lips as he came, his thrusts coming to a stop. He withdrew and collapsed onto his back beside her, scratching his chest with his left hand. She turned over and laid her head onto his chest, biting his thumb softly. She held his wrist as he wiped her hair from her face. She smiled. ”That was wonderful, Daddy,” she whispered before kissing his chest.

He gently brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Her eyes looking up at him. “Never leave me.”

“I won't, I promise.” He rolled them onto their sides, kissing her as he pulled her as close to him as he could, tangling himself up in her as they slept.

Chapter 8 - Snuffleupagus

Friday, May 6th

Ellie was hit with a slight burning smell as she came downstairs for breakfast. She was wearing an oversized light blue sweater over a pair of denim shorts. She walked into the kitchen to find JC struggling to flip a pancake.

“Will six be alright? I only have enough…um, batter for six?” he asked as he motioned to the plate by the stove, which was stacked with a variety of undercooked and burnt pancakes. He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.

“Six will be fine,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“They’re not very good. I’d be absolutely OK if you want to trash these and make your own.”

“It’s fine. You’ll get better with practice.” She kissed the back of his neck. “It’s very sweet of you to do this.” She rubbed in between his shoulders as she went to sit at the kitchen table that was set for breakfast. She poured herself a mug of tea from the pot as he flipped the final abomination onto the plate and walked over to the table. “Tea, baby?”

“Sure.” He placed the plate at his setting and cut the stack in half. “You don’t mind me doing this?”

“Nah, it means that we get the same amount of good ones and shit ones.” She spooned a lump of sugar in her cup and stirred.

“They’re all shit,” he commented as he lifted half of the stack onto her plate.

“Why do you do this, I mean, the sharing half a stack thing?” She watched him as he sat across from her.

He stopped and thought for a moment, rubbing the handle of his fork with his thumb. “My mom used to do it. The waffle house she worked at in D.C. would only let her have three pancakes if she needed to eat during her breaks. If she couldn’t find a sitter, she would put me in the booth by the radio during her shifts. She would cut the stack in half and give me half of it on the saucer of her coffee cup.”

He paused for a moment. “The first Christmas I remember was my last Christmas with her. I don’t remember the gift giving or the tree or anything, but I remember going to work with her on Christmas Eve and her doing this. I guess she barely had enough to get by because she used to share a lot of food with me.” He took a bite, grimacing as he swallowed.  “She went back to school when she gave me up. She’s a math teacher now, but she helps with the school choir. I guess I got her voice.”

Ellie stared at him as he played with his food, cutting and shifting the mass with his fork. “Has she told you anything about your father?”

“A few things; he was a delinquent, petty theft, that kind of thing. They didn’t go out too long. He told her he loved her so she would put out. Of course, when you’re in the situation my mom was in, a lost 15-year-old, being told that someone loves you is all you really want. I was conceived in his brother’s Chevy. He stopped calling her when she told him she was pregnant. He fucked right off. No idea where he is, don’t care. Roy’s my dad.” He took a sip of tea.

They sat for a moment and ate in silence. They were interrupted by knocking on the front door. The front door opened, and Carlos, wearing a black sweatsuit, and Isaac, in a maroon sweater and jeans, walked in. Carlos was holding a large bouquet of red roses and a stack of mail. Carlos placed the roses on the foyer table and took JC his mail, Isaac following behind him.

“Morning, you two. I see he cooked,” he said as he placed a stack of business letters on the table. “I don’t know what to say about this, but Trace sent this over with the bouquet.” Carlos gave JC a small robin’s egg blue box with a white ribbon tied around it. On the card was “Elly”  written in Justin’s scrawl.

“Piece of fucking shit.” JC got up from his seat, storming out of the kitchen. He grabbed the bouquet of roses and entered the garage, slamming the door as he got into his car and drove away. The three remaining in the kitchen sat in silence for a moment.

“Who’s Trace?” Ellie asked, finishing her cup of tea.

“Justin’s assistant,” answered Carlos as he gathered the breakfast plates and started cleaning the kitchen. Carlos liked to do busy work in times of tension. Isaac came over and sat next to Ellie at the table. He took her hand and pleaded with her.

“Honey, some shit is about to go down. I can’t make your choice for you, but I need you to promise me, whatever goes down, I need you, we need you, most importantly, JC needs you to…” Isaac trailed off.

“He needs me to what?”

Carlos flung the sponge into the washing up and pressed his hands on the edge of the sink. “No matter how hard Justin tries, we need you to not cheat on JC with him.”

“What?! Seriously? No, he wouldn’t!”

“He would, he has.”

Ellie looked up at Carlos in shock. “I need a cup of coffee.”

JC drove up the driveway up to the front door of Justin’s giant Spanish style mansion. He got out of the car and marched up the front stairs, two at a time, the bouquet of roses under his left arm and the gift box in his right. He pounded on the large mahogany door. “JUSTIN!” he yelled before he turned the knob, plunging the door open.

“Mr. Timberlake isn’t home right now,” a short, portly Hispanic woman in a light blue maid’s uniform said in a thick Mexican accent.

“His car’s in the fucking driveway,” JC said as he stormed past her through the archway to the right of the foyer. He met Justin in a hall leading to the billiards room, platinum records lining the access way. He stopped dead in his tracks and threw the roses onto the sandstone-tiled floor.

“JC, my brother, did Ellie not enjoy the roses?” Justin, wearing a royal blue sweatsuit, greeted him with his arms outstretched.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?” JC threw the blue gift box at Justin.

“Just a diamond necklace. Tiffany’s.” He opened the box and took out the string of diamonds. “Just some pocket change for me.” He smirked. “Heh, you on the other hand, in your situation, wouldn’t want to splurge. Keep the assets tight for when the record company wins.”

“You have a girlfriend, not that you fucking care. I know what you’re like.” JC turned away from Justin briefly.

“I also know what you’re like, too. Do you think she’ll like it when you start cheating on her? Or is she too hypnotised by your bank account to give a shit? Tell me, JC, do you think she’ll stick around when Jive takes you to the cleaners?” Justin said in a toneless snark.

“She’s not like that.”

Justin cut him off. “But they’re all like that. Every single one of them. We all have a motive in love. Your Ellie’s probably just some star fucker.” With those words, JC tackled Justin, throwing him against the wall.

“Don’t you ever talk about her like that.” JC spat through his teeth. Justin struggled to reply as JC held him to the wall with his forearm to Justin’s throat. Still, Justin found the words.

“Why? Why else would she be with someone like you?”

“Why?!” JC yelled in his face, “Why do you think that she would want to be with you? Why her? You can have any girl you want.”

“But that’s it. I can have any girl I want. I want her, JC. I want to fuck her,” Justin snarked, punctuating the last phrase, “and I want you to watch.”

JC slammed Justin against the wall again. “She’s not for you!”

Justin started chuckling. “You sad, lonely, lost, pathetic, little boy. She’ll leave you, they all do, just like your mommy.”

JC kneed him in the crotch and Justin slid down the wall. “And when she does, I’ll be here waiting for her to ride my dick.”

JC picked up the bouquet of flowers and threw them at Justin. “Fucking sociopath, I am finished with you and all of your shit.” JC started to leave.

“You’ll come crawling back!” Justin yelled from his position on the floor.

“Go fuck your mother!” JC yelled as he walked out the front door as he took his car keys out of his pocket, pressing them through his fingers as he went down the stairs, and scraped them across the hood of Justin’s Porsche as he walked to his car and drove away.

Ellie knocked on the door of the bedroom when she got home. “Are you OK, baby?” She found JC sitting in the white chaise lounge he had in his bedroom as he watched the sun set.

He turned his head to face her. “Yeah. How was your shopping trip thing?”

“Great.” She placed a shopping bag on the bed. “I got this great gown for tomorrow, white satin. I think it might be from the mid-’70s. It has the cutest little bow under the bust.”

“That’s nice.” JC had come back from Justin’s fuming. He had requested that he spend some time alone, so Isaac had taken Ellie to a vintage shop by his favourite Starbucks.

Ellie walked over to JC and sat on his lap. “Anything you want to talk about?”

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as he could, lightly kissing her on the lips. She buried her cheek into his chest as he started talking.

“I honestly don’t know how to fix this. We were best friends, Justin and I. We’ve never fought this badly.”

“Do you know what may have gone wrong?”

“His career is everything to him. He’s literally been working since he was ten. He trusted me enough that I wouldn’t…” He paused. “I don’t know. I guess he always thought that I would always support him, that I wouldn’t try to bring him down. When I told you those things, about our business with the intent of your magazine publishing them, I crossed a line. I tried to sully him.”

“But you were hurting. He had essentially fired you.”

“That’s the thing. That’s my problem. If I apologise to him, I’m invalidating how I feel about what he did. I’m also invalidating how the other guys feel. I’m also enabling him. He couldn’t even tell us in person. He sent his manager to do it. We were once equals, all five of us. Now he’s powerful enough to tell us that he doesn’t need us anymore.”

“So you feel that you’re both in the wrong, yet you’re both in the right.”

“I guess. The problem is that both of us are being so petty that we can’t resolve this even if we try. Maybe it would be better if we just don’t speak to each other for awhile, just let things sit.”

Ellie tangled her hand in JC’s t-shirt. “Carlos says that Justin might try to seduce me, try and make me cheat on you. Has he done that before?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I mean, he sent me roses. He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t trying to woo me.”

“He might’ve just sent them to bother me. Maybe he’s trying to come between us. You wouldn’t, would you?"

"Never, I'm in love with you. I would never hurt you like that."

"Elizabeth..." Ellie raised her head to look him in the eyes as he said her full name.

"Yes, Joshua?"

"You know the morning after the first night we spent together in New York, your ultimatum? You said that you didn't want to be with me if I wasn't faithful to you."

Ellie started to feel an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Yes?"

"I need you to promise me the same thing. I can't be with you if you are unfaithful. I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent here. I've done some things I'm very ashamed of. But I've also had those things done to me. I know how much it hurts to be cheated on. I can't forgive you easily if you do that to me. I need you to promise me that you won't."

“I won’t.”

JC grabbed Ellie’s wrist and squeezed tightly. “I need you to promise me you won’t.”

“You’re hurting me,” Ellie said as she pulled her arm away, seeing the hurt in his eyes. “I won’t do shit unless you apologise for that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” she said, rubbing her wrist. “I can promise you that I won’t cheat on you until I’m blue in the face, but you need to believe me when I say it. Otherwise, my promises don’t mean anything. You’ve admitted to me various times that you’ve cheated on an ex, yet I still believe you when you say you won’t.”

“Why?”

“I want to believe you. I want it to be true.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “This might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, but I want to stop being scared. I want to trust someone again.” She buried her head into his chest. “I’m setting myself up for being hurt again, but I want to believe that you love me enough to be faithful.” They sat for a moment not saying anything as JC stroked Ellie’s back.

“How did you find out where I was staying during the Grammys?” Ellie asked.

“I hit recall on the phone. It went straight to the hotel’s front desk.” JC explained. “I should also tell you that I stole one of your business cards when I took the condom out of your purse so I could contact you again.”

“So you didn’t just call the magazine? You called my work number?”

“Yeah, it’s easier if I can contact you than if you try to go through all the hurdles of trying to contact me.”

“Honestly, I don’t think I would have contacted you, even if I could have.”

“I know. You were rather hesitant at first.”

“I thought it was too good to be true. You could have any girl you want.”

“But that’s it. I can have any girl I want. I want you.”

“Why?”

JC chuckled, kissing her forehead, “I don’t know. I just do.”

Saturday, May 7th

Ellie wrapped her arm around JC’s back, tugging lightly at his shirt underneath his tuxedo jacket. She was wearing a floor-length, white satin, halterneck gown. Her golden brown hair fell in soft waves over her neck and shoulders. In between her breasts hung a single, decently-sized teardrop-shaped diamond on a dainty platinum chain. JC was wearing an all black tuxedo ensemble. They had been at Lance’s birthday party for the last few hours. Earlier in the evening, she was comfortable mingling on occasion on her own, as JC spoke to friends or went to the bar. But for the last hour or so, since Justin and Cameron had arrived to the garden party, she had never left JC’s side as she seemed to feel Justin’s eyes follow her around the property. The two of them stood under an oak tree, making small talk with Joey’s wife, Kelly. “I would love to have the confidence to wear rose pink satin,” Ellie said, complementing Kelly’s gown, a lush rose pink satin number with crystal detail where the halter neckline of the dress met at the centre of her bustline. “I’m much too shy to pull off such a bold colour.”

“Thank you. I love your gown.” Kelly pushed a blond curl behind her right ear.

“Well, except for the colour and a few small details, we are pretty much wearing identical dresses, both halterneck, both very low cut.” The two laughed.

“You really should wear your hair down more. I only really see you with it up.” Kelly observed, taking a sip from a champagne flute.

“It’s just easier to manage when it’s up.”

JC kissed Ellie’s temple. “I really need to go to the bathroom.”

“Please stay,” she begged him, drawing closer to him.

“If I don’t, I’ll piss myself. You’ll be fine with Kelly.” He walked away into the house.

Kelly reached over and touched Ellie’s arm in reinsurance. “It’s fine. Your first few parties will be scary, but it’ll get easier.” Kelly looked over the crowd, spotting her husband playfully carry Chris to the pool and threaten to throw him in. “Did Lance tell you Justin was invited? Joey said that he wasn’t.”

“He said that he didn’t invite Justin,” she replied, awkwardly smoothing her gown with her hands.

“Funny, Lance never would have invited both JC and Justin.” Kelly turned to face Ellie. “Especially after what happened on Wednesday.”

“Maybe he lied?”

“Lance would never.”

“Maybe they’re gatecrashing?”

“Do I feel my ears burning?” Justin asked as he slinked up behind Ellie, taking advantage of the moment. He was wearing a weathered Michael Jackson t-shirt underneath a leather jacket with jeans. “So, tell me, what is ‘Ellie’ short for?” he asked as he placed his hand on her back.

“Um, Elizabeth.” She sighed, transfixing her eyes on a crack in the pavement.

“Why not Lizzie then?” He slid his hand down and grabbed her ass.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!” she yelled, punching him in the face. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!” She stormed through the crowd, entering the house to leave through the front door.

“Elizabeth!” JC called after her. He followed her out and found her just outside the front door, trying to catch her breath as she played with the single teardrop diamond necklace he had bought her for the night. “Baby, what happened?”

“I just punched Justin.”

“What?”

“He grabbed my ass. I didn't think. Is he going to sue?” She was cut off by him grabbing her and pulling her in for a passionate kiss. She felt her knees go weak as she saw a flurry of flashes go off through her eyelids as the small group of paparazzi waiting by the gate caught the kiss. JC grabbed her and pushed her into a nearby idling black sedan.

“Who are you waiting for?” he asked the driver.

“Mr. Timberlake, sir,” the driver replied, recognising JC.

“He’s not going to be leaving for awhile. He said I could take the car home.”

“No problem, sir.” The driver pulled away from the curb and started the journey to JC’s home.

“I guess he doesn’t know,” JC whispered.

“About what?”

“About Justin and me fighting.” They sat in silence, watching the trees and houses come in and out of view as they drove by. He squeezed her hand. She kissed him, running her hand up his thigh, brushing his crotch.

“I’m not wearing any underwear,” she whispered in his ear.

He tipped the driver as she walked up the driveway, taking her shoes off as she reached the front door. He followed her and opened the door, picking her up and carrying her inside. He kissed her as he slipped his hand down the back of her dress to confirm her statement. “What do you want to do?”

“Anything?” she whispered, a small devious smile coming to her lips.

“Anything.”

“I want you to tie me up and then do anything you want to me.” She kissed him before she made her way up to the bedroom. He followed her upstairs.

“No,” he said in a stern manner. She stopped, turning to face him. “Here, on the piano,” he commanded as he motioned her towards the instrument.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” She teased as she walked over to meet him near the bough of the piano. He took his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves.

“Get undressed,” he said as he took his tie off, watching her as she undid her zipper and lifted the halter strap over her head, revealing her naked body as the dress fell to her feet. “Don’t, I want you to leave it on,” he said, telling her not to remove the necklace. He lifted her onto the piano, kissing her. He pulled his tie straight before he wrapped it around her wrists. “Comfortable?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“I can do whatever I want, but you can only do what I tell you to?”

“Right.”

“And I can touch you anywhere, except your butthole, but you can’t touch me, unless I tell you to?”

“Yes.”

“If it gets too uncomfortable, you say the safe word.”

“Snuffleupagus.”

JC reeled his head back. “Snuffleupagus?”

“Yeah, Snuffleupagus.”

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes, fuck me,” she said.

He tied the tie into a knot and kissed her mouth before softly guiding her chin to the right, exposing her neck, biting it softly. “Put your arms above your head,” he told her, guiding her arms up, running his hands along them as he kissed her again.

He licked her in between her breasts, following the chain of the necklace up her chest. He took her right nipple into his mouth, gently running his teeth along the peak, repeating until it was hard. He guided her down, pressing her stomach as he laid her down on the piano, kissing her pubic mound at he slowly opened her legs.

“Tell me if you’re going to come,” he requested before he bent down and spread her lips, running his tongue up her pussy.

She let out a soft cry as he teased her clit, stopping every time she made a sound. He spread her legs further and pressed his tongue to her clit, rubbing it in slow movements. He heard her gasp.

“I’m coming.”

He stopped, removing his tongue and raising his head to look at her. After a moment, he continued. He lifted his head again, watching her body shudder as she breathed heavily.

“Daddy, please let me come,” she begged.

He softly ran his fingers along her thighs. “But it’s more fun seeing you squirm.” He trailed two fingers along her left thigh. “I’ll only let you come if I decide how you do it,” he said as he placed his left hand on her stomach and slid two fingers into her vagina, turning them upwards to stimulate her G-spot.

“Funny, I heard you were a squirter.” He watched as she lowered her hands, biting the tie in the space in between her wrists, trying to silence herself.

Still, she let out a cry as she started coming, arching her back and lifting her heels up onto to the piano as she climaxed, but he kept going. She tried to rip apart her wrists, crying out as a shockwave ran through her. But he continued. She begged him to stop, trying to turn over to her side to dislodge his fingers, but he held her on her back, digging his fingers deeper into her as she clasped her legs shut, pressing her shins to his chest. Finally she came, squirting onto his hand, her cum running down his pant leg.

He removed his fingers and turned her onto her belly. He undid his belt and slid it out from his pants. “I’m going to hit you now,” he told her as he folded it in half and held it to his right side, his left hand placed on the small of her back.

He listened as her breathing became heavier as she waited. With one swift motion, he swiped the belt across her right butt cheek twice, dropping it to the floor before she let out a cry. He pulled her slightly towards him, angling her ass with his crotch. He undid his fly and pulled his cock out from his briefs, making himself ready for her. He gently pulled her legs opened before he pressed the tip of his penis to her taint, gently rubbing it up and down her pussy. Without warning he rammed his cock into her and started pounding. He dug his fingers into her hips as his breathing quickened, every exhale becoming laboured and heavy.

He withdrew as he came, spurting cum onto her ass and lower back. "Did you feel that?" he asked her.

"Yeah."

“You're mine now. No man can have you unless I don't want you anymore."

"OK." She turned over, releasing herself from her binding, taking him into her arms and softly kissing his cheek. "Come to bed now, baby," she said as she took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

After a few moments, JC woke up from a nap. “Baby?” he asked for her, getting up to see the bathroom light on. He walked in to find her showering.

“You can join me if you want.” She offered, opening the shower door for him. She tried to reach up as far as she could to take him into a bear hug when he entered. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, I asked for it. I'm getting quite the little bruise on my butt.” She turned around to show him the bright pink mark where he hit her. “I’m done in here.” She stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel, exiting the bathroom.

“I don’t want to be alone,” he whispered as she closed the door behind her.

“We need to talk about some things,” JC said as he dried himself off, taking a pair of pyjama pants out of the dresser.

Ellie, wearing a light blue men’s pajama shirt, lifted her head from the tech magazine she was flipping through. “What is it?”

He stepped into the red plaid trousers and pulled them up. “I said some really fucked up things earlier, about me owning you. I don’t really mean them.”

“You wouldn't say something like that without there being something behind it. Do you think you might be able to tell me what it might be?” She undid and then tied her hair up.

“I don’t really want to get into it.”

“But you do. You wouldn’t say anything if you didn’t.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, staring into the carpet. After a moment, he spoke. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Baby, I won’t. You know that.”

“But that’s it. I don’t. I have some really fucked up abandonment issues. My mom just dropped me off at someone’s house when I was five and never came back to get me. I’ve had so many people say I was good enough but turn around a little while later and find a reason why I wasn’t.”

Ellie got up to comfort him. “Baby…”

“Don’t touch me.” He rolled his shoulder and got off the bed.

“Baby, what do you want me to do?”

“I DON’T KNOW, OK!” he shouted. “I really have no idea.”

“What do you want?”

“I just…” He paused, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure. I want it to stop being so hard.”

She sat for a moment before getting off the bed. “I’m flying back into New York tomorrow. We need some space from each other, to think. I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.” She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Monday, May 9th

Claire opened the door as soon as JC finished knocking. “What brings you around these parts? She’s not home.” She was wearing a light grey, short-sleeved blouse with a pair of darker grey trousers.

“I know. I shouldn’t’ve even come ‘round.” He pulled the sleeves of his black sweatshirt over his hands as she gestured for him to come in.

“I wouldn’t be a good host if I didn’t invite you in. Tea?”

“Thanks.” JC awkwardly sat at the dining table. “Hey, big boy.” He picked Linus off the ground, putting him into his lap as Linus started purring.

“Are you hungry?” She called out of the kitchen. “I was making a tuna fish sandwich when you stopped by. I have enough for two.”

“Sure.”

Claire placed a plate and mug in front of him. He thanked her as she returned to the kitchen with her own mug and sandwich. She sat down across from him.

Without missing a beat, she starting flinging questions at him. “What the fuck happened between you two? Did you hit her? Is that why she has that bruise? If you fucking hit her…”

He cut her off to explain. “Things got too heavy for her in L.A. One of my former bandmates is acting like a real cunt right now. There’s some weird shit in between us, and Ellie got caught up in it. The bruise is a sex injury.”

She lifted her coffee mug to her lips. “Why are you here?” She took a sip.

“I have business here. I was only in L.A. for a friend’s birthday.”

“I mean, why are you here right now? You knew she wouldn’t be home?”

“I was hoping maybe she was, or maybe Derek was home.” He took a bite, placing his hand in front of his mouth as he chewed. “Why are you here?”

“Derek has an exam. I’m taking a long lunch to take some calls from back home.” She placed the mug back on the table. “What do you want? Anything you can talk to them about you can talk to me about. We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

“What has she told you?”

“A lot.” They sat in silence for a moment eating. “I never tell anyone this, but I haven’t seen my biological father since I was three. My mom and my stepfather got married before I started school, so everyone thinks I’m his daughter. I remember my biological father though. I remember playing with him and having a great time. He just got into his car one day and drove off, never came back.”

She turned the mug in her hand as she stared into her plate. “I remember waiting from him, everyday at first, then it became holidays and birthdays. I begged my mom to send him a letter when we moved to Baton Rouge saying that we had moved, so he knew where to find me, but he never came. He has three sons now. I’ve never met them. I never want anyone to know that kind of hurt.”

“I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him, finding a sympathetic look in his eyes. “It’s not your fault. But I want you to know that I kind of know how you feel, about your mom. Ellie doesn’t, not really anyway. Her parents were praying everyday for God to give them a baby. She wasn’t a mistake, like me. She trusts people’s words because her parents never broke theirs, and because they’ve been so honest to her, she’s honest in return. I can’t give you all the answers you want right now, but I can swear that she always says what she means and always does what she says she is going to. You can trust her, I know.”

JC got up from the table and pushed Linus onto the floor. “Well, thanks for the meal. I need to go.”

She followed him to the door. “Her office is at the Haughton tower, on 52nd Street. If you ask the security officer, he’ll call to tell her you’re there. Is there anything I can do for you?”

He looked back at her through the doorway. “I want your blessing.”

She made a small smile. “You have my blessing. Go get your girl.”

“Hi, I’m looking for Elizabeth Argyle, Clefnotes magazine.” JC stood at the security desk. The foyer of the Haughton was a large room with grey marble floors with three caramel-coloured wooden walls, the fourth being the wall of windows leading to the outside.

The security officer, a medium-sized man in a blue shirt, motioned to the elevator on the far left side of the room, never looking up from the magazine he was reading. “14th floor. You can go up.”

JC pointed to his left. “You’re not going to..?”

The security officer slammed the magazine on his desk. “Look, man. I fucking hate my job. If you want to blow this place up, I don’t fucking care.” He lifted the magazine back up. “Anyway, I doubt you would’ve asked if you were.”

JC walked over to the elevator. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” The security officer went back to his animal crackers and magazine. “I loved you in *NSYNC,” he called as the elevator doors closed.

Ellie and Craig were making their way out to lunch as the elevator doors opened. She was wearing a cream blouse and grey pencil skirt; Craig was wearing a blue t-shirt and khaki pants. Craig greeted JC when he saw him.

“Hi, Josh. Want to join us for lunch? We’re going to this deli up the street a bit. Mo got some things he has to do, but he’ll join us in a bit.”

Ellie cut Craig off. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh…” Craig gently said under his breath as he took note of Ellie’s angry tone.

JC got out of the elevator and reached for his girlfriend. “We need to stop with this shit, Ellie.”

“We need to stop with this shit?” She pulled her arm away from him, taking a step back. “You need to stop with this shit. You don’t even trust me.”

He stepped towards her, trying to reach out to her again. “Maybe I can learn, OK?”

She took another step away from him, turning to face the wall. “That’s the best you can do?”

JC was taken back by Ellie’s hesitance. He took a deep breath before snapping in an offended tone. “I’m not going to fucking beg for you, Elizabeth. I’m not going to get down on my knees and fucking beg you to take me back.”

“I didn’t break up with you,” Ellie mumbled downward into the blue carpet as Maurice entered the foyer through the large glass door leading into the magazine’s offices, wearing a grey suit.

JC reached out to her again, trying to turn her towards him. “Then why are you being so fucking defensive?”

“YOU TWO NEED TO FUCKING STOP IT!” Maurice roared. “Ellie, he’s sorry. He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t. Josh, she’s being defensive because you hurt her. That’s your fucking problem right now. Now either kiss and make up or fucking end it. There’s no point in staying together if you can’t be happy.”

“That’s an awful way to put it.” Craig interjected.

Ellie grabbed JC’s arm and pulled him into the corridor leading to the bathrooms. “Why are you here?” she asked as she pushed a small amount of space between them.

JC grabbed onto her blouse. “We can’t fix things. There’s no magic wand that’s going to wave away our drama. It’s our dynamic.”

She shook her arm free. “Then what’s the point.”

He grabbed her arm again. “We’re in love; we’re happy. That’s the point. We might have the occasional spat, but we work through them.” He let go of her. “All of the good stuff makes up for all of the bad stuff.”

They stood in silence. She looked downward, watching as he walked up to her. He put his finger underneath her chin and guided it up so she was looking into his eyes. His nose brushed softly against hers as he turned his head to kiss her. She brought her arms up to place her hands on his chest as he slowly wrapped his arms around her. She shuddered as they parted lips.

“Why did you do that?” she whispered.

“We haven’t kissed since Saturday night. I’ve missed you,” he said as he kissed her cheekbone.

She stepped away from him, drawing her eyes back to the carpet. “It doesn’t matter.”

He placed both of his hands underneath her jawline. “Look at me.” He angled her head so they were looking face-to-face. “It matters. Everything we do matters to me.”

“I need you to trust me,” she squeaked out, looking at his chest, placing her fingers into the pockets of his sweatshirt.

He kissed her forehead. “I do, Ellie. You know I do. I got scared. I didn’t know how you were in that situation, but I know now.”

“What situation?”

He said point-blank, “Justin.”

She tilted her head to look at his face. “Is he going to keep being a problem?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so, but for me. He doesn’t go for women who are hard to get, only the ones that throw themselves at him. You’re a little out of his comfort zone.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her head into his sweatshirt. “I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” He buried his head into her hair.

After a moment, she asked in a sardonic tone, “Can you not get turned on right now?”

He let out a small chuckle. “I can’t help it.”

“My butt hurts.”

Chapter 9 - Blush and Bashful

Saturday, June 11th

Ellie lay on the bed of JC's hotel room, scrolling through a real estate website for rental properties. She lay on her stomach, her freshly washed hair tied into a bun on the top of her head. She was wearing a grey tank top and a pair of jeans, the tank riding up to show a small glimpse of the curves of her hips and the small of her back. Her ankles were crossed in the air, the flare cut of her blue jeans revealing just the balls of her feet and toes. JC stood leaning on the wall watching her, his wet hair slicked back with a faint beard of four day old scruff. He was wearing only a pair of jeans, a hint of the elastic band of a pair of black briefs peeked out of their waistband.

"How about this one?" She turned her head slightly toward him. "West Village: Two bedroom loft, large, open living area, hardwood floors, cats and dogs up to 80 pounds allowed. Only $4200 a month."

"Let me see." He walked over to the bed and straddled her, laying on top of her to see the computer screen.

"I mean, with my $2400 rent budget, you'd only have to foot $1800 a month. I'm pretty sure you could fit a piano in the living room, at least from what I can see from the photos."

"Why are you so insistent that the apartment fit a piano? I'd be happy with just a keyboard and a guitar."

With their four month anniversary two days away, Ellie and JC had decided to move in together. Claire and Derek were in the final stages of moving back to Baton Rouge, and most of Ellie's belongings were in storage, with the exception of Linus, who was staying indefinitely at Craig and Maurice's until Ellie could work out her living arrangements. Over the last three weeks or so, JC and Ellie had been having multiple arguments a day as they tried to come to a compromise that suited the both of them, Ellie wanting to stay in New York for work and JC preferring to live in L.A., or at least only staying in New York a little while longer, the city being too active for him to want to live there permanently.

Even though Hollywood seemed to never shut down, his house in the hills had a comforting stillness during the evening. A stillness he craved at 3am laying in bed with the roar of New York outside his hotel window. But he loved her, and since he was the freer agent of the two, he would be the one making the sacrifice.

Their conversation about musical instruments continued. "You're already cutting yourself off from a large amount of your preferred resources by choosing to spend more time in New York. I don't want to deny you whatever's left at your disposal here," she said as she entwined her fingers in his and tucked his hands under her chest.

"That's very sweet of you, Ellie, but I really don't need that much."

"I want you to feel free to create, and an artist should have access to all the tools he needs."

"You just want a piano so you can live with a sexy pianist man." He softly bit her neck.

"No!"

"Yes!" He started tickling her. "Admit it."

She let out a squeal. "Stop it!" She followed him as he pulled softly at her side, motioning her to turn onto her back. She looked up at him as he towered shirtless over her. "Why are you so sexy?" she asked him as she ran her fingers through the black hairs on his taut lower stomach.

"Why are you so sexy?" he responded, bending down to kiss her as he pressed his palms on her wrists.

"We just made love," she murmured as he pulled her top to reveal her stomach.

"I want to go again." He started kissing her down her neck and torso.

"I've got to meet Claire and her mother at the dress shop. Miss Diana is only in town for the next few days. They could only get an appointment today. Claire will hate me if I'm late."

"Fine." He got off her and went to find a shirt in a disgruntled manner.

At a few minutes to twelve, Ellie checked her lipstick in the front window of the bridal boutique. JC stood behind her, watching her reflection with his arms wrapped around her waist. "You look beautiful."

"You keep using that word," she replied as she placed her lipstick in her purse.

"Only because it's true." He kissed her cheek before she turned to face him. They playfully kissed each other as a blonde woman in a white sundress with a large yellow floral print started running towards them through the crowd of pedestrians.

"ELLIE! ELLIE, STOP!" Claire ran up to them, her high heels clacking on the pavement. She stopped dead in front of them, bending down to catch her breath. "Miss...Emily...Your mama...flew..." She paused in between breaths. "Your parents...flew into town with my folks to...surprise you...your daddy's at the hotel...but your mama's here."

"Oh, shit..." Ellie looked into the crowd as four women, her mother, Emily, Claire's mother, Diana, Claire's little sister, Anna, and Derek's mother, Beth, emerged.

Emily was a tall, thin woman with sharp cheekbones and Ellie's cornflower blue, almond-shaped eyes. She was wearing a light pink polo shirt with a pair of white riding pants tucked into brown equestrian boots, her wispy, caramel-greying hair pulled back into a bun.

Diana and Beth were complete opposites. Diana was a tall, rectangular, artificial blonde in a salmon-coloured twin set and white pleated skirt, the type you take luncheon at the local country club in, whilst Beth was a short, curvy, African American woman with a full head of dark chocolate, natural curls. She wore a fuchsia tank top with a v-neck chosen to show off her endowments. She matched these with black capris and comfortable, but stylish, walking shoes in contrast to Diana's white court shoes.

Anna, on the other hand, had inherited the petite build of her father's family and followed the main group of women like their collective shadows, falling behind to take in the wonders of the city. She wore an outfit of chucks, cutoff denim shorts, and a long-sleeved, charcoal shirt with the silver outline of a Japanese anime idol with floor-length pigtails on the front. Around her waist was a thick belt with four rows of studs stamped into the black leather, an occasional gap appearing where a few of the studs had started falling out from years of wear. Her short, onyx black hair was half pulled back from her face with a few stray tendrils falling at her temples. She mainly kept her eyes to the ground, but made eye contact when spoken to, the same intense green eyes she shared with her mother and sister staring up through her bangs. She collided with her mother's back as the three women in front stopped suddenly when they saw Ellie in the arms of a tall man in a greyish-blue t-shirt and aviator sunglasses.

Ellie angrily flipped through a rack of champagne-coloured bridesmaids gowns as her mother approached her, the heated discussion between Claire and Diana filling the boutique along with the winter wonderland of white satin, lace, and snowflake-like sequins. Anna was flipping through a rack of black gowns as Beth took rest on a chaise lounge with a complimentary glass of sparkling wine.

"Ellie, I'm very sorry..." Emily was cut off by her daughter.

"Mama, you could have told me you were coming up. My life is very hectic right now, and I frankly don't have the time to entertain my parents."

"Well, if you feel that way, it was your Pa's idea."

"It's not that. If you would have told me, I could have made the time and planned things out a little more."

"Well, life's full of little surprises. I didn't expect to meet Josh in such circumstances."

"And how do you think Josh feels about this? Huh? Now he has to meet Daddy...I just..." She sighed knowing JC would have to meet her father face-to-face. Ellie also knew that she might have to ask JC to clean himself up a bit, unfortunately, just as she was starting to enjoy JC's newly relaxed attitude towards shaving.

She followed her mother as Emily started flipping through the discount bridal gown rack. "You've been together for four months now. Maybe if things go well, we could be here again in a year picking out your wedding gown, unless you still want to wear mine."

Ellie paused as she tried to find the words to explain. "Actually, Josh and I have decided that maybe marriage isn't for us."

"Elizabeth!" Emily hissed through her teeth. "What kind of heathen ideals..."

Emily was cut off again. "Mama, I love him. Anyway, it's more for business reasons. He's very wealthy and legal marriage just creates a lot of problems if it ends."

"Oh, so he doesn't want to take care of you or his children."

"He doesn't have any children. Anyway, he takes care of me in his own way."

"I'll take care of him. If I can bring down something as beautiful as a thoroughbred stallion, I can take down something as beautiful as him."

Ellie sighed as she clenched her teeth together. "Don't say it, Mama."

"I own a shotgun, Elizabeth, and I'm not afraid to use it."

JC, Eric, and Natalie, a real estate agent recommended by a business associate of Eric's, walked around a loft apartment in the Upper West Side. It was empty with cream walls and cherry wooden floors. A spiral staircase leading upstairs was the main focus of the room. The outside wall was lined with large windows.

"It'll be like living in a greenhouse," JC mumbled under his breath as he looked out the windows onto Central Park.

"And the building allows pets? JC's girlfriend has a cat," Eric, in a blue shirt and khakis, asked Natalie, a petite, brunette woman in a black business suit and a purple blouse.

"Ah..." She looked down at the papers in her arms. "Yes, both cats and dogs. Is there anything else you want to know, JC?"

JC wandered around the room looking at the minor details around staircase. "Ellie wants a piano in the apartment," he said, almost to himself.

"You'd have no issue getting one up with the freight elevator. Does she play?" Natalie was imagining this "Ellie" as a tall, swimsuit model who played the piano and owned a cat. Probably one of those exotic breeds, Natalie thought to herself.

"I play, she doesn't. It would be for me." He thought about it for a moment. "What was the asking price again?"

"1.5 million," Natalie stated as she tucked her papers under her left arm.

"I'd have to talk it over with Ellie, show her the place, but I'm interested."

"Would you like me to put the apartment on hold?"

"It's not a safe bet." He took a final look around the living area. "I think she might love it, though."

Ellie was planning JC's makeover as Diana and Anna shared coarse words over a black bridesmaid's gown. "Mama, this is my prom all over again."

"You didn't even go to your prom."

"That's because you wouldn't let me choose a black dress."

"My mind's made up, Annie. I'm not letting you wear a black bridesmaid's dress. The colour's are..."

"Blush and bashful, we know."

"Anna, you don't joke about a bride's colours like that. They're peach and carnation pink."

"She said it first." Anna pointed to Ellie.

"Miss Elizabeth." Diana turned to Ellie. "I understand that you're against this whole marriage thing now, but you can't joke about those things."

"Shouldn't the relationship between the bride and the groom count more than the wedding?"

"God only gave me two daughters, Miss Elizabeth. He only gave me one who could get married, so I'm having the biggest wedding I can throw my Claire."

"Gay marriage is slowly becoming legal, Diana," Beth interjected from the copy of Vogue Bride she was flipping though. "You know what, girls? I think the two of you would look darling in those black halter neck gowns."

"Don't take this from me, Beth."

"I spent 38 hours in labour with that boy. It's just as much my day as it is yours."

Emily emerged from the dressing rooms and made a whispered shushing sound. Ellie told everyone to quiet down.

"She's ready," Emily announced, holding her hands together in front of her. With this, Claire emerged in a body-hugging, pure white gown with delicate beading covering the garment head to toe in dainty floral patterns. It was sleeveless with a long train. She lifted the skirt up as she stepped onto a platform in front of a wall of mirrors, a lump forming in her throat as she looked at her reflection, tears welling in her eyes as she adjusted the skirt and the cathedral length veil.

"This is it, Mama. This is my dress."

To: joshstotallynotfakeemailaddress@itotallydidnthavetomakethisup.fake

From: elizabeth.argyle@clefnotesmagazine.fake

Subject: Dinner

Time sent: 3:57pm 6/11/2005

Josh,

Since you're meeting my father tonight, would you mind shaving before you meet us for dinner? Also, if it isn't too much of a hassle, can you please wear something nice? Not a suit, though, just a nice shirt and some jeans.

Just as a further warning, my mother knows that you don't want to get married and she, as well as my father, will most likely threaten to kill you tonight, whether or not you meet their standards.

Love you,

Ellie.

Ellie took a sip of wine as she sat at the table with her parents in the little Italian restaurant she had chosen for the night. "Try the gnocchi with the red sauce. It's simple but delicious."

"I wouldn't mind the veal. Joshua isn't one of those hippy types who's against that kind of thing?" John wore an oversized red flannel shirt over his large, muscular build. He scratched his grey beard as he addressed his daughter. "You don't think it's too early in the meal to drink, love?"

"It's only a little something for now, and no, I don't think he's like that." Ellie caught a cleanly shaven JC enter the restaurant out the corner of her eye. "He's here."

JC thanked the host as he excused himself to their table. He had put a blue sweater over his t-shirt from that afternoon. He reached out his hand as he introduced himself. "Um, hi. John, my name is Joshua." He pressed his lips together in a small, hopeful smile as John took his hand.

"I hear you're in love with my Ellie? I hope you're treating her right."

"I'm doing my best, John." He sat down next to Ellie and lightly kissed her cheek. "I want to thank you for raising such a beautiful, lovely, and smart daughter. She's brought a lot of happiness and love into my life," he said in an awkward yet truthful manner. "I really do mean that. I love her a lot."

He stared into the table for a moment. "Please don't shoot me."

John roared in laughter as he grabbed JC's arm and shook him in jest. "I wouldn't do that! Not unless you actually hurt my girl..."

"Daddy, if you say anything, I'm going to call the police. I mean it."

"Ellie, you know I'm only joking," John said as he took a swig of beer.

"I don't care, Daddy. I've had enough. Ever since I told you we were dating, you dropped these threats every time he's come up in topic and I'm sick of it. You don't say that kind of shit if you don't mean it."

JC took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, softly kissing her knuckles. "Thank you," he whispered.

Ellie softly ran her fingertips along the underside of his wrist. "I love you." They stared into each others eyes for a moment.

"It's OK if you want to kiss in front of us. It's nothing we haven't seen before," John reassured them over his glass of beer.

Ellie scooted over her chair as close to JC as she could and kissed him. "Baby." She let out a little whispered moan as their lips parted. She buried her head into his chest before she turned to face her parents as he held her in his arms.

"So, it was a hot, balmy night..." John was cut off by Ellie.

"Daddy, it was Louisiana in June. Every night is a hot, balmy night."

JC smiled a small smile into his wine glass as John insisted on telling the story of Ellie's birth.

"Let me tell the story, baby. Anyway, so I'm cleaning up the barbecue at my mama's diner, really scrubbing it, and my mama comes out the back to tell me that Rosemary, Emily's mama, called to say that Emily was having bad pains and that she was worried she was gonna lose Ellie here, you know, ‘cause we had already lost three babies before. So, Rosemary calls and says that she is taking Emily to the hospital and to come as quickly as I could. So I got in my truck and drove as fast as I could to the University hospital. When I got there, the nurse said that Ellie was fine, but she was coming quick, and lo and behold, within the hour, the hour, my baby girl was out absolutely perfect, all ten fingers and toes, and there I was all covered up to my elbows in barbecue grease."

Emily took a sip of coffee and changed the subject. "Only 15 days until your 27th birthday, Ellie. Any ideas what you might like to do?"

"We were thinking of maybe going down to my house in Orlando. She'll get to meet my mom, and we'll spend the 4th of July down there. If you can make it, you're more than welcome to come," JC answered, taking a bite of his meal.

Emily placed her coffee cup on the table. "We usually do a big party on the 4th, but it won't hurt to spend a little time with you two at the end of June. We'll have to wait and see."

"If you don't mind me asking, who takes care of your horses when you travel?"

"Usually one of my cousins looks after everything." Emily adjusted her watchband. "You know, Josh, you didn't need to shave for dinner."

John drained the remaining fluid in his glass. "He shaved?"

JC slowly turned his head to face Ellie. "Ellie suggested that I should. She thought I wouldn't be good enough for you."

"Nah, I mean, I had a beard for most of the seventies after I was discharged. Lots of fine young men have beards. I wouldn't deem you unsuitable based on facial hair."

Ellie looked up from the napkin she was folding into a paper crane. "So? What do you think of him?"

John shrugged his shoulders. "He's alright, I guess."

Emily and JC walked behind Ellie and John as the father and daughter caught up, their own conversation turning to details of JC's relationship with her daughter. "So, when's the anniversary? Ellie's told me to expect it soon, but she hasn't given me an exact date or just what you're celebrating," Emily asked as she swung her purse over her right shoulder.

"Monday, actually, the 13th," JC answered, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"So the day before Valentines?"

"Yeah. Well it could've been Valentine's, but we were too drunk to know the exact time and date. We just say it was the 13th because it still felt like the 13th to us."

"What exactly are you celebrating? I thought you met in September."

"We did, but we kind of continued on our separate paths. We met up again in February when Ellie was in L.A. for the Grammys. We bumped into each other at a party and we had fun catching up, so we decided to meet up again the following Thursday when I was in New York for business. We've been dating since." They came to a stop at a crosswalk, just a little behind John and Ellie. "I don't know. Ellie picked it."

"Ellie says you're from D.C.?"

"I was born in D.C. I grew up about an hour out of D.C., town called Bowie. Ellie says you're not originally from Baton Rouge." They continued walking.

"My mama is. I was born in Oklahoma, back where my daddy's from. He died when I was seven. My mama took me back home to Louisiana almost immediately afterwards. She never got on with her mother-in-law, and my granny was desperate to have her back home."

"If you don't mind me asking, what did he die of, your father I mean?"

"He broke his back in a riding accident." They came to a stop in front of the hotel Emily and John were staying at, John and Ellie waiting for them by the front entrance. "Well, this is us. It was nice meeting you." Emily reached up took JC into a gentle hug, softly kissing him on the cheek.

John patted JC on the back, "Night, son. Get her home safely." He then followed his wife into the hotel lobby, turning back to wave to Ellie and JC before they entered the elevator up to their room.

Ellie and JC stood there watching the lobby through the front window in silence for a few moments, JC letting out a long grunt..

Ellie took his arm. "They know we're fucking, I can tell. I think they like you, though."

"I'm worried about Josh." John sat on the hotel bed in a pair of red, tartan pyjama pants and a old, ratty grey undershirt.

"John!" Emily exclaimed from the hotel bathroom as she patted her face with a towel.

"Not that he isn't a good boy, but..." He paused to collect his thoughts. "Maybe he's not the right man for Elizabeth."

Emily walked into the hotel room wearing a light blue nightgown. "What makes you think that?"

"I'm just not too sure about him, that's all," John said as Emily sat next to her husband on the bed and snuggled into his barrel chest.

"We'll just have to trust that Ellie knows what she's doing."

"I'm just scared for her, that's all."

"So, what did you think of my parents?" Ellie asked JC as she undressed.

"I think they're cool. Your dad's not as intense as I expected." JC lay on the bed in just his jeans.

"What do you mean?" Ellie picked out one of JC's dress shirts out of the dresser. "This one?" she asked, holding up the blue garment.

"Yeah, I just thought he would be a little scarier in person. He's a lot like you, only a bit louder. Take your panties off," he said as she was just about to get on the bed. "Also, keep it open. Let your hair down." She stepped out of the little purple lace panties she was wearing. "Also, if we're going to fuck, can we please stop talking about your parents?"

Ellie undid her hair, the caramel waves falling onto her shoulders. She undid the few buttons she had done up on the shirt. She got on the bed and straddled him, opening the shirt to expose her breasts and shaven pussy. He bit his lip as she bent down to kiss him, her tongue softly flicking the tip of his. He ran his hands up the back of her thighs, gently squeezing her buttocks. She sat back down on top of him, reaching down to undo the buttons on his fly and pull his cock out of his underwear.

He grabbed her wrist to stop her, guiding her hand between her legs. "Touch yourself."

"Only if you do it, too," she whispered as she slipped her fingers into the folds of her pussy.

"I will. I'm not quite ready yet." He watched as she closed her eyes and parted her mouth slightly, her body becoming taut and her breathing becoming quicker and heavier as she quickened her strokes.

She leaned forward and rested her left hand on his chest. She gasped as he grabbed her ass and leaned forward to take her nipple into his mouth, biting softly just as she came to climax, letting out a soft moan as he finished pulling his hardened cock out of his pants.

She looked down as she steadied herself on his torso. "It's so fucking big."

"Get me a condom."

She reached over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, taking a small foil package out. She handed it to him.

"Thank you." He carefully ripped the package open and slid the rubber down the tip and shaft of his penis. He then pushed down at the waistband of his jeans, trying to take them off, before she helped him push them down further, revealing his thighs. He kicked the pants off his feet and settled his legs back down underneath her.

"Take the shirt off," he commanded her, watching as she pushed the collar down off her shoulders and pulled the sleeves to take the shirt off, placing it on top of his jeans at the foot of the bed.

"Would you like me to ride your cock, Daddy?"

He nodded with a small grunt as she scooted forward and inserted the tip of his cock into her pussy, softly gasping as she lowered herself to take him completely into her. He pushed her thighs open further as she rode him, wanting to see her take him better, looking past the black tuft of hair to see the shaft of his cock slowly slide in and out of her lips. He dug his fingers into her thighs as a shockwave went through his body, pressing harder as another one went through him. She let out a soft cry in reaction. His breathing quickened as he pressed his right thumb to her clit and started rubbing. He started to feel a ball of energy form in his gut as she grinded into him. She let out a long cry as she came, leaning forward to grab the bed head to steady herself, finding no relief in grabbing the cold, steel bar. Releasing her hips, he cradled her face in his hands, their lips meeting in a kiss. She repositioned herself, placing her hands behind him to press down on the pillow he was lying on, her nose softly brushing against his. He wrapped his arms around her lower back, softly kneading her ass with his right hand. "Faster, Mummy.'"

She leaned down to kiss him again, feeling a flush of hot air on her lips as he exhaled heavily, letting off a soft moan as the ball in his gut burned.

"Fuck, Mummy." JC moaned, digging his fingers into her ass. Another shockwave coursed through him, igniting the ball as he came. He cried out, feeling the force of his cum leaving him, and hitting the barrier between them.

She stopped and rested her forearms against his chest, cuddling into him as she tried to catch her breath.

"Kiss me," he whispered, lifting her chin so her lips met his. "Don't ever finish making love to me without kissing me." He wrapped his arms around her as she looked him in the eyes.

"I love you." She leaned forward slightly to kiss him again.

"I love you, too."

"Did you mean all of those thing that you said at dinner? About how I'm smart, beautiful, and lovely, and how I bring a lot of happiness into your life?"

"Every word. You make me feel happy."

"You mean very happy." She tried to correct him.

"No, well, yes. But you do make me feel happy, full stop. I wasn't before, I am now."

"Can you write me a song about it?"

"I already have."

"No, one that's happy. Write it yourself, just you and a guitar."

"How about just me and that fucking piano you're forcing me to put in our apartment?"

Monday, June 13th

Ellie clicked "Save" on the document she was working on. "I'm ready to go," she told JC as she turned to leave her desk chair.

She pulled down the hem of the body-hugging, charcoal dress she was wearing as she got up from her seat. She reached to grab her purse from behind where JC was sitting on her desk, coming face-to-face with him. They smiled at each other as they shared a soft kiss.

"Ooooooh," Craig said as he walked past them to meet his husband for lunch.

JC stood up and pulled his white t-shirt over the waistband of his jeans. "There's something I want to show you," he told Ellie as he took her hand into his.

Natalie watched Ellie get out of the cab as JC paid the driver. Shit... she thought to herself as JC got out of the cab and placed his hand on Ellie's back. Natalie never would have thought in a million years that someone as rich as JC would go for such a normal girl. Goddamn it, I had a chance, she thought as she saw the potential alimony check slip away as quickly as it appeared. Oh, well, I'll go cry into a glass of wine and my commission check, she thought as she smoothed her skirt down. Sell this bitch, Natalie, she encouraged herself. She reached out her hand and introduced herself. "Natalie Kaplan, West Bridge Real Estate."

"Hi, um, Ellie."

An hour or so later, JC and Ellie stood looking out the window of the master bedroom. "What do you think?" he asked.

"It's nice, but we can't really afford it," she responded as she leaned against the window ledge.

"I can." He sat next to her.

"I wouldn't want you to..."

"What? Jive settled. I'm a free agent now, no business pressures."

"But you lost quite a chunk of your fortune."

"I can earn it back. I'm thinking of selling my house in Orlando. Except for my family, there's nothing down there for me, not business wise."

"*NSYNC really is over, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's time to move on, start new." He played with his watchband. "Fuck Justin."

"What's the rental price on this place?"

"It doesn't have one."

Ellie realised what he was thinking of doing. "What's the asking price then?"

"1.5 million."

"And you're thinking of buying it? I thought you wanted to move in together."

"I do. I want you to move in here with me. We'll spend most of our time here, and we'll go to L.A. when we can. I want to know what you think of that."

"You know, something happened in the new issue of Clefnotes. Somebody put ‘official L.A. correspondent' next to ‘copyeditor and junior reporter' under my name in the personnel column. It's almost like someone at the magazine wants this relationship to last, so much so that it seems that Maurice has banged out a plan with Sam for me to spend a few weeks a month in L.A. doing whatever stories they want me to do, so you can spend two weeks at home each month."

JC smiled to himself at the suggestion that Maurice would move mountains for them. "So, what do you think of the apartment? Should we buy it?"

"We..?" Ellie snapped her head to look at him.

"Well, when we get married...well if, the apartment may be considered shared property as I bought it for us during our relationship."

"Married..?" Ellie squeaked out at his little dropped hint at what their future might hold. "If you want it, get it." She bit the tip of her thumb as he got up and went downstairs calling for Natalie. She swore to herself not to let anyone force her into a big southern wedding.

Friday, 24th of June

Ellie watched the houses go by as they drove through the little Florida suburb JC's parents lived in. "I thought Baton Rouge was bad, but fuck this heat," she exclaimed as she lowered the window down. The rush of hot air prompted an immediate closure.

"If you want to blame anyone, blame Walt Disney. He's the cockstain who decided to build an entertainment resort down here," JC commented offhandedly.

"Are you allowed to say that as a Mouseketeer?"

JC feigned shock. "OH, NO! What if they bugged the car?!" He let out a scream before he went back to his normal state. "Justin and I have said worse."

He pulled into his parents driveway and stopped the car, grabbing the keys out of the ignition. He looked at her as Ellie sat beside him playing with the frayed hem of her denim shorts nervously.

"She won't bite." He got out of the car and adjusted his white t-shirt and black cargo shorts, walking over to Ellie's door, his flip flops thwacking on the red bricks on the driveway. He opened her door and bent down to reinsure her. "She's the sweetest woman you'll ever meet." He kissed her. "You'll love her."

He helped her get out of the car and wrapped his arm around her waist, slipping a few fingers underneath her yellow tank top. They walked up the stairs together, and he opened the screen door with his free hand, knocking softly on the front door. Almost immediately, the door opened and a small petite woman in a light blue t-shirt and cream linen capris appeared in the doorway. "Mom, this is someone very special to me. This is my girlfriend, Elizabeth."

Chapter 10 - Mamas, Don't Let Your Girls Fall In love With Cowboys

"Mom, this is someone very special to me. This is my girlfriend, Elizabeth." JC and Ellie stood on his parents porch, arm in arm. His mother, Karen, wearing a blue tank top and linen capris, stepped forward from her place in the doorway and extended her hand to Ellie.

"Nice to meet you, come in." They followed her down the hallway to the kitchen. The house was filled with photos and trinkets: graduation photos and baseball trophies, cheerleading pendants and platinum records documenting the achievements of JC's and his siblings' lives. As she passed the living room, Ellie spotted one of JC's Grammys sitting atop of an old, battered upright piano.

"You have a very beautiful home." Ellie sat at the kitchen table, pulling down her light yellow tank top.

"Have you two eaten?" Karen asked as she poured a pitcher of water.

"We had breakfast not that long ago." Ellie tried to explain before she was cut off by JC.

"A few hours ago." Karen placed the pitcher on the table with two cups. She then went to the pantry and got out a tupperware container of sugar cookies, opening them then placing the container on top of the lid on the table. Ellie thanked her as she returned to the kitchen counter and pulled out four slices of whole wheat bread, placing them in front of her on the bench. She pulled a butter knife out of the drawer and opened a jar of peanut butter before turning around.

"You don't have any food allergies, do you, honey?"

"No," Ellie answered, looking over to JC as he shook his head, his mouth full with a large bite of sugar cookie, crumbs falling down his white t-shirt and black shorts.

"Do you like peanut butter and jelly?" Karen asked, turning back around after Ellie nodded. "Your father's downstairs. He and Tyler are thinking of going fishing tomorrow." She got a jar out of the pantry as she yelled downstairs, "ROY, JOSH IS HERE." She stood by the door down to the basement and listened, the sound of a chair scraping on concrete coming from downstairs after a hesitant pause. Roy emerged at the basement door just as Karen was placing the sandwiches on the kitchen table. He took a glass out of the cupboard and sat next to his wife, a small belly forming under his white undershirt as he slouched in his chair, letting out a long exhale through his nose in protest to the heat.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to fly up to be with you when you settled; everything just happened so quickly." Roy poured himself a glass of water.

JC murmured in agreement, swallowing his mouthful. "Everything happened suddenly; we were preparing for trial when we got the call that Jive was willing to settle out of court. Eric was so eminent that we settle immediately that we didn't really have time to let you know. Adam was a bit disappointed that we weren't willing to negotiate a little further, but it's a fair deal. Eric really didn't want to press it. I only had to pay the original asking price for the contract buyout in exchange for an immediate dissolution of my contract. Fair's fair."

Ellie picked a piece of crust off her sandwich. "Is it really?"

"You don't think it's fair?" Roy turned to her.

"I mean, you were worth around $60 million before the suit. Jive was asking for $15 million for a buyout, a price they would put on a more valued artist on their label. They originally had no intent on supporting you as an artist, at least not fairly. They weren't promoting the album or the singles. In fact, they probably wouldn't have released the album if they had a choice. They didn't do shit until Eric found an alternative method of promoting your music, only then did they do anything, which was solely sitting on their fat asses to reap the rewards. Then when they have a chance to rid of an artist they only started turning a meagre profit from, no thanks to them, they dig their heels in and sue you only to back out last minute for the same amount they would have gotten if they just let you buyout the contract. They intentionally tried to drain you of your money. Sixty minus fifteen, plus the legal fees. You've lost around a quarter of your fortune; it's bullshit." She took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I know everyone's just trying to do what's best in such a shitty situation, but...I don't know." They sat in silence, Karen changing the subject after a few minutes.

"So, Ellie, Josh has told me a lot about you. I hear your mother breeds horses. Are you a horse person yourself? JC says you have a cat."

"I'm getting sick of constantly having to introduce myself to new people. How many more people do you know?" Ellie and JC were driving back to JC's house from his parents' place.

"You don't like my folks?" He briefly turned to her, turning his head back onto the road.

"It's not that. You just know so many people. I feel like I have to explain myself to every single one of them."

"Aren't you a reporter or something?"

"That's different. During interviews, I just go in, say my name and where I work, ask my questions, then I'm out of there. I feel like I'm constantly on the spot when I meet your friends." Ellie slouched down in her seat. "I'm just tired. That's all."

"A bit cranky as well." He intertwined his pinky finger with her pinky and ring finger. "It'll be fine. We'll get home and just have some down time."

Ellie woke up the next morning to find JC watching her as she slept, smiling as she opened her eyes. He took her hand into his and lightly squeezed it. She shuffled herself forward until her body was pressed against his, letting out a content grunt as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Morning." She wrapped the light blue sheet around his bare torso. "What time is it?"

"I wouldn't know, honey. I haven't checked." He turned over to get out of the bed, sitting up with the sheet obscuring his underwear.

"Don't." Ellie wrapped her arms around his waist. "I want to pretend you're naked." She kissed his shoulder, tasting the salt of his sweat.

"You're weird." He got up off the bed, trying to free himself from her arms and the sheet.

"Aw, come on. I just want to cuddle."

"I need to shower. I feel disgusting. I probably smell, too."

"You smell wonderful." He walked out of the bedroom, a large pastel blue room decorated with an array of antique furniture, the centerpiece being the large white cast iron bed, into the adjacent bathroom tiled with dark sandstone. She followed him in, undressing out of her nightie as he turned the water on. She entered the shower after him, wrapping her arms around his waist as they stood underneath the running water. "This is so nice."

After a while, they sat in the bathroom, JC sitting on the edge of the bathtub as Ellie shaved her legs. "You're very sexy."

"I'm not sexy. Granted, sometimes I do sexual things, but I'm not sexy." She rinsed her razor in the basin. "You on the other hand."

"You're unbelievably sexy."

"Girls like me aren't sexy; we're not even pretty. We're cute. Cute and smart, sometimes. Mostly just smart."

"You can be both. You know those movies where the girl's supposedly ugly because she wears glasses, then the pretty girls give her a makeover and then she's supposed to be all gorgeous and shit, then you complain because the actress they hired is really stunning in real life and all they did was take her glasses off and put her in a nice dress. You're as stunning as one of those actresses."

"Really now?" She looked up at him from her bent over position.

"Yeah."

"You're very sweet, but I don't believe you...SHIT!" She dropped her razor in the tub as started bleeding from the tiny, fresh cut on her ankle. He quickly tore a sheet of toilet paper and wiped the trickle of blood running down her foot, before he folded the paper and pressed it to her wound.

"Ow, it stings."

"It's fine, just a knick. I do it all the time."

"See, I would never have reacted that quickly. I'm just useless."

"You can cook." He looked up at her.

"You can sing and play music, and you can also dance. I can't do any of that shit. What can I do? Ask people other people's questions and edit. Wow."

He started to run his fingertips along the back of her ankle in an attempt to comfort her, only stopping to look at her with a devious smirk. "You suck cock really well."

"This isn't the time to be funny. You're this incredibly beautiful, sweet, talented person, and I'm just some boring old cow."

"You know how when you were a kid, you really liked English, so you joined the school newspaper, and then you liked that so much that you joined the school paper when you started middle school, then high school. Then, when you went to college, not only did you join the school newspaper as soon as you could, but you also studied journalism?"

"I actually wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't get the grades to do pre-med."

He paused for a moment with a disgruntled look. "Anyway, when you were a kid, you found something you loved so much that you kept on doing it, to the extent that you started become good at it. Everything I'm good at was the same with me. I really liked dancing, so I kept doing it. I liked singing, so I kept doing it. I liked writing songs, so I kept doing it. If I am truly good at those things, it's only because I kept practicing them, just like everyone else. It's just a case of honed skill sets. Anyone who is deluded enough to think that they're God's gift to music or whatever is fucked in the head. Are you done here?"

"I can finish later."

JC took a washcloth and ran it under hot water for a few moments. He then started wiping the shaving cream off her leg. "As for the other thing, do you think you're beautiful?"

"I don't know."

JC let out a long groan. "Why can't you just accept that I find you attractive?"

"I just don't see it."

He stood up and took her face into his hands. "You have pretty eyes and nice lips. You've got a great body with an amazing ass, and just thinking about you makes me so hard that I want to fuck your brains out." He kissed her.

With a smile she rebutted him, "I still don't see it."

"The more you contradict me, the more I'm going to have to tell you you're wrong," he said as he punctuated his last statement with a swift spank.

Around sunset that day, Ellie stood in the kitchen calling her parents' house. The kitchen was a large room taking up around half of the ground floor. It was painted a sandy yellow and had mahogany cabinets with black marble counters. The room was divided by an obtuse arm of benches and a round, six seater dining table in a wood a few shades lighter than the cabinets taking up the rest of the room near a liquor cabinet. The outside wall was lined with floor to ceiling windows and a set of French doors, leading out to a pool area and the backyard, a small slope of grass that led to a lake's edge with a small fishing dock.

After four rings, Ellie's mother Emily picked up. "Hello."

"Hey, Mom. It's me, Ellie." Ellie wore one of JC's t-shirts over a pair of shorts, her hair down.

"Hi, I was going to call you tomorrow." Emily's voice brightened.

"I'm just calling to see how you two are. That's all." Ellie made a thumbs up to JC, signifying that they would most likely be alone for her birthday. "I'm so disappointed you couldn't make it into Orlando."

"We would have loved to have come down, but one of my brood mares has colic; we have to watch her."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Did you get our present?"

"Yeah, it arrived at the office the day we were leaving. Mo brought it over just as we were going to the airport. I hope it's a book; it looks like a book." Ellie leaned onto the wall by the phone cradle, JC rattling a saucepan on the stove on the far side of the room, wearing a t-shirt and black board shorts.

"What was that?"

"Oh, Josh is just watching some vegetables for me."

"How is he?"

"He's doing great now that he's home, a lot more relaxed."

"That's good. I'll let you go."

"OK, tell Daddy I said hi. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Happy birthday if I don't hear from you."

"Thanks, Mom. Bye."

"Bye."

Ellie waited for Emily to hang up, putting the phone back on the hook after she heard a click.

That night, JC lounged on a step at the shallow end of the kidney shaped pool in his backyard. His eyes followed Ellie as she stepped out of the pool pulling the bottoms of her crocheted, white bikini back down over her butt. She walked over to the other end of the pool and gracefully dived in, gliding across the bottom for a moment before she emerged just a small distance from him, wiping her hair from her face as she took in a breath. She swam as close as she could to him, standing on tiptoe between his knees, tasting the chlorine on his lips.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked as she pulled his knees to bring him a little closer to her, not quite pulling him from the step. "Earlier when you listed all of the thing you found attractive about me, why didn't you mention my breasts?"

He made a small amused grunt. "I thought you were going to say a personality trait for a moment, there."

"I just thought that you liked my breasts."

"I do. It's just that you've got a great ass as well."

She pushed herself away from him, swimming backwards until there was a fair distance between them. She then slowly submerged herself, never breaking eye contact. He followed her into the water, grabbing her by the waist and bringing her to the surface as he held her legs around his waist.

He kissed her. "Are you coming onto me?"

"No!" She gasped in feigned shock. "A lady would never do that, and you know that I am nothing but a lady." As she said this, she reached behind her back and slowly pulled her swimsuit top undone.

She swam over to the shallow end, taking a seat on the step facing him, the water coming up to her now bare breasts. She dropped one piece of her swimsuit next to her on the tiling surrounding the pool, she then dropped the second. After a moment, she screamed as JC's black board shorts landed in the water next to her. He popped out of the water in front of her and grabbed her jaw as he kissed her. She reached her hand between their bodies and started running her hand along the shaft of his penis, feeling him becoming hard.

"Fuck," she whispered as he grabbed her breast.

He lightly bit her shoulder. "You have perfect titties."

"Don't be fucking crass." She lightly pushed him away from her.

"You love it when I'm fucking crass." He growled in her ear as he touched her to gauge her wetness. "Is this a hand job, or are we going to fuck, ‘cause it would be a disappointment if you were to waste this..."

She cut him off. "I'll fuck you if you don't say cock, big hard cock, rock hard cock or boner."

He softly bit her neck, growling, "Cock," in her ear as he rammed himself into her. She let out a loud gasp as he started thrusting into her, digging his fingers into her thigh. She leaned back, her chest heaving with laboured breaths as she started rubbing her clit.

"Fuck, Mummy." He leaned forward and bit her nipple, increasing his momentum and force as she cried in orgasm. He shuddered as he came, taking in a deep breath as he stopped, wrapping his arms around her waist, guiding her to hold onto his shoulders. He took a few steps back and bent his knees, lowering them until the water reached just below their heads. He rocked her softly as she buried her head into his neck, catching her breath as he sung softly to her.

An hour or so later, Ellie rested her head on the side of the bathtub, lost in her thoughts.

"What's wrong? You've gone quiet," JC asked as he finished rinsing his hair.

"Nothing, really," she lied before she told him the truth, "I'm turning 27 tomorrow."

"So?"

"I feel like I've wasted my life, or that I'm not happy with the one I'm currently living or something...I don't know."

He pulled her wrist so she would come closer to him, positioning her to sit on his lap. "Do you want to do what you're doing now?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not sure I actually want to be a reporter. I'm happy being an copyeditor, but I feel like Mo is pushing me up the ladder so I can one day do what he does, and you don't get to senior editor without doing some reporting first. At least that's how things work at Clefnotes."

"Do you want to write for Clefnotes all of your life?"

"Again, I have no idea." She buried her head into his shoulder. "I want to be a mom, have a family and so forth, but it's not like that's happening for me right now. I thought I would be a mother by now. I never really put much thought into what might happen if I wasn't."

He subconsciously started running his fingertips along the length of her forearm. "Do you want children?"

"You already know I do, but it's not like you want them right now."

"How do you know that?"

She lifted her head up to look him in the eyes, an offended look on her face. "You just asked me not five minutes ago if I was sure if I took my pill today. No one who's ready to become a father asks that shit."

"We just had unprotected sex in a pool. Who wants to tell their kid that story: ‘Hey, buddy, you were conceived in a pool'?"

She got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself. "If you don't want to become a father, then why did you ask me if I wanted children?" She grabbed a second towel and stormed into the bedroom.

He drained the bath and followed her, wrapping a towel around his waist. "‘Cause you ask those kind of questions when someone is having an existential crisis about the fact that they haven't had children yet."

She stopped drying her hair. "I just wish sometimes that you would be honest with me instead of just saying what you think I want to hear."

"I am being honest." He sat on the opposite of the bed to where she was sitting.

"No, you're not." She went back to drying her hair.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" She stopped and stared at him with a look of offended shock.

"Not in general, right now, what the fuck is wrong right now?"

"In general?"

"Answer my fucking question, Elizabeth."

She sat and thought for a moment. "I don't want to have to choose between you and work. I want to be with you all the time, but I don't want to give up who I am. I don't want to just work for you, but I'm also not sure if I'm supposed to work at the magazine for the rest of my life. If that's the case, then I'm not quite ready to move on from my current position. I just want to be happy."

"You're not happy?"

"I think I am. I'm happy with you, but I also I like working, making my own money and being independent." She folded the towel in her lap. "I feel like everything's just in a rush to change all of a sudden."

He edged himself more onto the bed. "Are you getting cold feet about moving in together?"

"No, I love the apartment."

"That's not what I asked."

"I feel like we're just doing it out of necessity."

"We are doing it out of necessity. You need to find a new place, and I need to spend more time in New York for you. Come over here." He beckoned her over to him.

She crawled into his arms, resting her head on his chest. "I don't feel like I have control of my life. I feel like a leaf floating in the breeze being blown wherever the wind wants to take me."

He paused for a bit, a lump forming in his throat as he said something he had been mulling over for some time, but was only just now verbalising his true feelings about. "I got fired last year from a job only I could do. I was also pushed into a legal situation I didn't completely want to be in."

Ellie paused as she took the weight of his statement in. "You didn't want to leave Jive?"

"I thought I did. I don't know. I thought the whole situation could've been handled better. The whole situation." JC put emphasis on the repeated words, implying something bigger.

"What are you trying to say?" She saw a stray tear fall from his left eye. "Are you crying?"

He wiped it away. "I'm not sure I should have chosen this career path, maybe I should just quit."

A million things ran through her head. She recognised that she could try to encourage him, both to continue or to end his music career, but she settled on the most neutral thing she could. "I can't make the decision for you. I can only tell you that I will love you and support you no matter what you choose."

"Tell me the truth."

"I don't care either way, but music is the only thing you're qualified to do...Do it because you love it."

Sunday, June 26th

Ellie and JC sat on the sofa in the living room, basking in the afternoon sun shining through an overhead window. Ellie sat with her feet on the sofa in a soft yellow, cotton sundress. She was reading a paperback romance, tatty for years of wear. Instead of her usual high bun, her hair was French braided and tied into a soft chignon at the nape of her neck. JC, in a pair of jeans and a worn, light khaki green v-neck t-shirt sat with an acoustic guitar, occasionally catching Ellie's eye with a small smile as he worked out a chord progression.

"What do you think of it?" he asked.

"It's very sweet; it reminds me of ‘You Are My Sunshine'." She folded the top corner of the page she was reading to mark her spot and closed the book, placing it in her lap.

He returned to playing, muttering lyrics under his breath. "You make me happy, when skies are grey..." He clasped at the strings to quiet the instrument. He shook his head in semi-agreement. "Eeh, kind of." He subconsciously started playing again. "You like the song?"

"It was my lullaby when I was a baby; everyone in my family sung it to me. Well that and ‘Mamas, Don't Let Your Sons Grow Up To Be Cowboys'. But my Mama changed the lyrics to ‘Mamas, Don't Let Your Girls Fall In love With Cowboys'. I think she was trying to instill the idea that I should fall in love with a stable, educated man instead of a lone wolf-musician type." She made a tight lipped, wry smile.

"Well, that didn't fucking work." He looked down at the strings as the doorbell rang.

JC placed the guitar down as he got up. Ellie followed him as JC opened the door, his parents standing on the front step, his father wearing a cream bowling shirt with tan shorts and his mother in a blue floral sundress, a large, brown paper bag held at her breast. Walking up to the door behind them was a blond man of similar build to Roy, wearing a Wile E. Coyote t-shirt with a-size-too-big, light blue, basketball shorts and flip flops. "Hi, I'll go put these in the fridge." Karen greeted Ellie before she went into the kitchen, her husband giving a small wave as he followed his wife.

"Sorry about Dad. He's a bit of the strong, silent type." Tyler stepped into the house and took off his sunglasses, giving Ellie the once over.

"Um, hi, Tyler." Ellie extended out her hand in an awkward greeting.

"Well, they do say that you should never judge a book by its cover." Tyler smirked, JC taking him in a headlock.

"Come here, you little shit."

Ellie left the boys and walked into the kitchen, coming to a halt when she saw Roy taking in the afternoon sun, soaking his feet in the pool. She turned to Karen. "Roy's quite the introvert, isn't he?"

"Yeah." Karen closed the fridge and took a final tupperware container out of the brown bag. "He does like you though. I hope you don't mind, but I baked you a birthday cake, just something small, a sponge with strawberry filling. Doesn't seem right to have a birthday dinner without a birthday cake."

"Oh my gosh, thank you. I haven't had a homemade cake in years. None of my friends in New York bake, and I never can afford to get home for my birthdays. You really shouldn't have, but thanks anyway. Can I get you something to drink?" Ellie went to the fridge.

"We also got you a little something. Roy picked it out. Josh says you like books." Karen walked to the French doors lining the kitchen, opening to call out to her husband. "ROY, DO YOU WANT A BEER?"

"THANK YOU!" Roy gave a thumbs up from his place on the pool's edge.

"We'll take it out to him." JC offered as he took the bottle from Ellie and made his way out of the kitchen with Tyler in tow.

JC passed his father the brown bottle and made his way down to the dock at the edge of the property, leaning against a tying post as he waited for his brother.

"You're not going to break that poor girl's heart, are you?" Tyler took position at the next post over.

"I don't know yet." JC stared at the water. "I'm not sure I'm going to."

"What does she want from you?"

"You sound just like Dad, you know?" JC turned to Tyler. "I don't think she wants anything from me, not in that way."

"How can you tell?"

"She just doesn't want anything like that."

"You're buying her an apartment."

"I'm buying myself an apartment. I asked if she wanted to move in with me. If I didn't ask her, she would happily be renting a one-bedroom place in the village or something," JC explained in an irritated tone. "Anyway, I pursued her. She was someone outside of the business to spend some time with in New York. We just fell in love, OK?"

"There's more to it, isn't there?" Tyler asked as he stepped closer to JC, studying his face to see if he was lying.

"Look, buddy. It's nice that my little brother is concerned for me, but if you keep pushing it, I will throw you into this lake to the gators."

"There ain't no gators in this lake."

JC sighed. "OK, I might have stalked her a little bit."

"A little bit?"

"I might have hit recall on Eric's phone to track her down, to find out where she was staying in L.A. I also stole her business card to get a contact number...right before I was going to sleep with her."

"That's really fucked up, man."

JC cut Tyler off. "Before you go on your tirade, she already knows what I did. I also have a very good idea of the hypocrisy that I spend thousands of dollars protecting my privacy, yours as well may I mention, whilst I have no problem invading someone else's. I liked her, and I thought that she liked me. When she called me back in February to do the follow up interview, I was reminded of that." He kicked an acorn off the dock. "It's different for me, OK? Everyone treats me a certain way and forgets that I'm still a normal person. Ellie was the first girl in a long time who just talked to me like I was normal, even when she knew I was famous."

"What about Eva?"

"Eva just wanted a little bit of fun; she moved on when shit got a little too heavy for her."

They stood in silence for a moment. "You're gonna marry Ellie, aren't you?"

JC reeled his head back in shock. "No! I...I'm not sure yet."

"Come on, man!" Tyler exclaimed, taking a step back.

"It's not the worst idea I've ever had, OK? She's smart enough to understand why I would want a prenup, she takes good care of me, and I think she'll be a great mother."

"You want her babies?"

"One comes with the other with her. That's all. She won't marry me if I don't want children, and she won't stay married to me if I turn around and refuse to have them."

"That's not a good enough reason to have them."

"It's not like it's happening tomorrow. We might break up before the year's out. I just want to do what I need to do to keep her. That's all."

Tyler started to make his way up to the house, turning back to his brother. "You have got it fucking bad, man, and if you're not careful, she'll fucking ruin you."

After dinner, Karen and JC got up to clear the table. "It was amazing what you did with that chicken, Ellie."

"Oh, it was Roy who did all the work. I just seasoned it a little bit before he put it on the grill."

After a few beers, Roy had started to open up a bit. "Do you want to open your presents now? Let dinner settle a little while before dessert," Roy suggested in light excitement at the idea of her opening the gift he had chosen for her.

"Um, sure." Ellie got up and collected her presents from upstairs, JC calling after her.

"There's a small white box in my sock drawer." After a moment, she came back with her bundle and a small gift-wrapped box, holding it up as she looked quizzically at JC as she entered the kitchen. She sat down and opened an envelope. "Since you don't know any of these people, the card is from my best friend, Claire, and her fiancé, Derek. They pre-ordered me the new Harry Potter." She opened a small rectangular package wrapped in yellow paper, "This is from my parents, John and Emily. They got me a book, Through the Willow Tree; Mary has to come to terms with the death of her husband, Dan, when she starts having dreams involving her late husband and her hunky new neighbour, Taylor. Do these dreams mean nothing or are they visions sent from her husband to tell her to find new love?"

"Three books, wow. The last one sounds like trash," Tyler muttered as he took a sip of rum and cola.

"I like trash. This one--" She held up another rectangular package wrapped in purple foil. "--is from my editors, Maurice and Craig...Cujo by Stephen King."

"That has to be a joke." Karen reached across the table to take the book as Ellie offered it to her. "Isn't this about a dog with rabies?"

"They gave me Carrie last year. They're giving me the complete works of Stephen King for my birthday and the works of Shakespeare for Christmas. They insist on gifting me the works of what they believe to be the greatest writers in history and of ‘the modern page'" Ellie made inverted commas with her fingers.

Roy passed over a similar rectangular package wrapped in pretty pink paper. "Our present now. It's a favourite of mine." Ellie unwrapped the package, revealing The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway. The book was of age, the cover depicting a red rowboat floating out on an oil painted sea. Inside was an inscription, a birthday wish from the three of them: Roy, Karen and Tyler, written in Roy's thin scrawl of black ink, below another Hemingway quote dated 1966, "The way to learn whether a person is trustworthy is to trust him."

Ellie touched the page. "Oh, wow."

"I hope you don't have it."

"I haven't read this since high school. It's a really lovely gift." She sniffed as tears came to her eyes. "I feel really shitty that my parents have given Josh nothing but crap, but you guys have been so lovely."

"It's OK, honey. It's different when you have a daughter. I mean, Heather stayed in D.C. just to escape us," Karen said jokingly as she got up to get the cake.

"My present now." JC handed her the little white box and got down on one knee, Ellie gasping in shock. "No, I'm just kidding." He sat back in his seat, rested his head on his hand, Roy hitting him on the back of his head.

Ellie pulled open the white and gold ribbon on the box and opened the lid, finding a ring with a row of seven delicate pearls set into the top of the platinum band. "Josh, what is this?" She took out the ring and looked up at JC.

"It's a ring."

"I know that, Josh. But what is it? What does it mean?"

"It means that you're my girl. That's all."

"Like a promise ring?" Karen asked from her vantage point behind the kitchen counter.

"Not really, I guess...it just means that I love you, and that I want you to be reminded of me when I'm not around, like the cufflinks."

"The cufflinks?" Tyler asked only to be cut off by Ellie.

"Baby!" Ellie pulled JC into her arms. "I love it, I love you," she whispered, gently kissing him.

Later that night, after JC's family had left, JC and Ellie lay on a sun lounge in the backyard looking up at the night sky. "I read somewhere that it would take something like 3000 years to count every star in our galaxy," Ellie whispered.

"No, it wouldn't." JC pointed up to the sky and started counting. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...17...25...84."

"Stop it, you've had too much wine."

"So have you." He placed his hand on her leg, pulling it up onto his and started rubbing it.

"I like it out here. I kind of don't want you to sell it."

"There's no real point in me keeping the house. I'm never down here. Not anymore." He paused to think about what the house represented to him. "Do you think I should try to make up with Justin?"

"My Daddy thinks that you should never hold a grudge; it goes against Christ and you never know what you might need from who."

"OK." He watched as she wrinkled her nose, feeling a flush of her breath on his lip. "Do you still want to get married on the beach?"

"Right now, all that I know is that I don't want a big wedding. Back home, weddings are such big events, and I've never really been into that idea. Why? Do you want a big wedding?"

"Not really, I don't necessarily want to elope, but I don't want this big thing either."

"What do you want me to do with that ring?"

"I want you to wear it."

"Is it OK if I wear it on my ring finger?"

"Yeah." He kissed her. "Stay with me forever."

"I promise."

Chapter 11 - All the Feels

Ellie steered the silver Mercedes coupe into the driveway of JC's Orlando mansion. The French style chalet was lit by the afternoon sun, the front facing wall covered in ivy. She got out of the car in her standard work attire, a lavender blouse with a black pencil skirt, her hair undone, and she stepped onto the grey stone driveway. She made her way to the trunk of the car, taking out her briefcase and a shopping bag filled with groceries. She walked up the front step and opened the door calling out, "Josh, I'm home," as she made her way to the kitchen to unload the bag. She then heard a giggle coming from the bedroom. That's weird, she thought to herself. She started to make her way upstairs, the giggling becoming louder as she slowly crept across the landing and into the hallway leading to the bedroom. She stood at the shut door listening in on what was going on on the other side.
"Oh, JC, honey. I've missed you so much." Ellie instantly recognised the voice as Eva Bitchface's, the actress JC was dating before Ellie.
"I never should have dumped you for that crazy bitch. She's so boring." Ellie gasped in shock as she heard JC's voice. Suddenly she threw open the door to find a short, blond man with a thick build and a busty, bottle redhead in bed in place of JC and Eva.
"Miles! Catalina! Where's JC and Eva?"
"Who? Lizzie, what are you talking about?"
"JC, this is JC's room." She looked around and saw the light blue walls melt into the cream walls of the Omega Phi frat house at Louisiana State, JC's white, cast iron bed morphing into the cheap, chrome double bed that she had helped Miles pick out at an IKEA. She found herself in the moment where she had caught Miles with one of the teacher's aides of a political science class.
"Lizzie, what are you talking about?" Her vision went blurry as she saw Miles crawl out of the bed, reaching out to her. She jolted awake as his fingertips touched her arm. She snapped her eyes open and gasped for air, finding JC sitting next to her, reading a science fiction novel in bed, his chin pressed against his chest as he lay on his back holding the book up with his hand, glasses perched on his nose, wearing only a pair of briefs. He looked over at her, never completely turning his head or putting his book down.
"Are you OK?"
Ellie sat up, pulling the bed sheet over the apricot coloured tank top and white panties she was wearing. "When did you break up with Eva?"
JC sighed as he sat up and put his book and glasses on the bed side table. "She stopped calling me in January."
"Why did you just sigh? What are you hiding?"
"Baby, I'm tired, OK. Our relationship wasn't clearly defined. We were never officially dating. She would call me up when she wanted to see me, then we would hang out for a little while." He turned over to face her. "Sometimes I would see her multiple times a week, sometimes she wouldn't call for days, weeks sometimes. She had a few men she was doing the same with, and I guess I was either rotated out, or she found herself a keeper."
"You're OK with how she treated you?" She shuffled down to come face-to-face with him.
He started running his fingers up and down her forearm. "You seek out the love you think you deserve. A lot of shit was going on; I was depressed and she was a distraction."
"Why was I different?"
"You just treated me differently. When you told me that I couldn't cheat on you, I knew that you were serious about having a relationship with me. I wasn't some dirty little secret you only call up when you had a craving."
She intertwined her fingers with his. "I'm sorry I had to bring this up again. I had a bad dream that I caught you in bed with her. Well, I was going to catch you, but when I opened the door it was Miles and one of his floozies. I'm scared you'll leave me and go back to her."
"I won't." He pulled her closer to him, turning over onto his back as she lay on top of him.
She kissed him. "Tell me why you love me again."
"The last four and a half months have been some of the best I've ever lived." He wrapped his arms around her waist, putting pressure just under her shoulder blades. She kissed him again and softly ground her pelvis into his.
"Do you want to make love now?"
"I'm a little too tired."
"Good." She flung the sheet off her and got out of bed. "I really need to pee." She went into the bathroom as he turned over onto his stomach, pulling the sheet up over his shoulders, taking in and letting out a breath. She returned to find him asleep. She crawled in beside him, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Friday, July 1st
Ellie stood at the kitchen table in a light blue sundress with white crocheted trim along the edges. She finished the note requesting the $125 dollar reimbursement to Diana as she attached the receipt of the two sets of black halter dresses and matching shoes she had bought at a department store that morning. She tucked the note into an envelope and placed it on top of the shoebox and carefully wrapped bridesmaid dress in the courier box. JC walked into the kitchen wearing a pair of jeans and a white singlet as she was sealing and addressing the package.
"The building inspector just called. He'll send Adam a full report of the inspection of the apartment, but everything's in great condition. By the looks of it, everything is in order for us to close on the 8th of next month."
"So, you're getting yourself an apartment for your birthday." Ellie placed the cap on the marker she was using.

"Pretty much." JC slowly took the black bridesmaid's dress out of the shopping bag by the large box on the table.

"What's wrong, baby?"
"It's a nice dress, but..."
"But, what?"
"Are you sure Claire's mom's OK with this?"
"You can call her Diana. Anyway, Claire's put her foot down now that Anna's refusing point blank to be her maid of honour unless she can wear a black dress. Diana doesn't have a choice, and on the plus side, it will make a striking contrast to the sea of peach and carnation pink vomited all over the country club."
JC folded the dress and placed it back in the bag. "That's a little bit of an exaggeration. They'll use something to cut it."
"You obviously don't know how southern women use their colours," Ellie said in a jokingly matter-of-fact tone as she turned around to lean her butt against the table. "Another bonus is that it will give the groomsmen a little more dignity in black ties instead of the peach satin I can imagine as Diana's original idea."

JC walked over to her and placed his hands on the table on either side of her, pressing his body against her. She cupped his jaw as they kissed, letting out a small, contented grunt. She smiled up at him, a look of complete happiness in her eyes.

"Will you marry me?" he whispered before she softened her face as a wave of warm pressure flowed over the right side of her back. "I wanted to ask you on your birthday, but I decided against when we invited my parents over. I didn't want you to turn me down in front of them." He took her hands and held them together in between their chests. "We don't have to get married if you don't want to. I just want to know if you would stay with me forever, really. We'll get a prenup, but I'll give you the apartment if we break up. I probably shouldn't have said that. I just want you to love me."
She looked down at their hands, feeling the nervousness he was feeling as he caressed her, his thumb brushing against the seven pearls on her ring finger. "So, the ring you gave me isn't just a friendship ring."
"I thought you would like the pearls more than some big diamond."
She looked back up at his face as he pulled away from her, starting to bend down on one knee. "Yes."

He stopped as she answered him, tightly closing his eyes as he started to breath deeply. He opened his eyes as the first tear trickled down his cheek.

"Yes, I will marry you."

He grabbed her and pulled her into the longest, deepest, and hardest kiss he had ever kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, opening her eyes to see her engagement ring as he finally withdrew. "You're going to be my husband," she whispered, the air leaving her body. She wiped the tears off his cheek. "I always thought I would be the one crying," she sputtered as she burst into tears.
"I've never been this happy." He kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.

A few hours later, they lay in bed, their naked bodies entwined after an afternoon of passionate lovemaking. They watched as an overcast sunset filled the room.

"I think it might be too late for you to post the package," JC mumbled as he ran the tip of his nose along the curve of Ellie's neck.
"I was thinking that instead of flying straight into New York on the 6th, why don't we fly into Baton Rouge on the 5th? I could drop it off at the Mathersons' on the way to my parent's place," she suggested. They sat for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes as the room darkened.
"We're engaged to be married."
"Yeah."
"We're going to live together and have a wedding. I'm going to put a baby in you."
"You want children?"
"I want your children, Elizabeth."
"We're not giving them southern names like Sherman."
"I like Lucy. She'll have your pretty, blue eyes and my big feet."
"I'm not so sure about Lucy. I know someone back home who goes by Lucy, and I can't say I'm the biggest fan of the name. I like Jamie for a boy, though. He'll have your dark hair and be grossly uncoordinated like me."
"You're not that uncoordinated. Anyway, with my dancing ability, your incoordination will be levelled out to at least average coordination."
She ran her fingers through his hair. "I want to take your name. Argyle sounds so guttural."
"And my name's any better?"
"Yeah, ‘cause I know how to pronounce it." She wrapped her arms around his waist. "Shaar-zaay, Shar-zay. Elizabeth Shar-zay."
"Sha-zay, sha, sha, Sha-zay. Chasez."
"I know." Giggling, she kissed him. "When do you want to get married?"
He thought for a moment. "April the 13th."
"Yeah, we can start planning then after our first anniversary. Two months should be long enough to plan a small wedding, right? Why the 13th of April?"
"I just like the sound of it." He squeezed her, kissing her forehead. "How did we happen?"
"Literally or metaphorically?"
"Metaphorically."
She looked at him. "God wanted us to happen. He made you for me and me for you."
"But we're so different."
"Not really. Sure we've had a few different life experiences...OK, a fucking lot, but we're not that different personality wise. We're both quiet and driven by our emotions." She kissed the tip of his nose. "We're also very good lovers," she joked.

He turned them so she was underneath him. "Do not get me started."
"Oh, I wouldn't dare."

JC pulled into the driveway of his parents' place around 9pm that night, the rain lightly beating down on the windshield. He turned to Ellie in the passenger seat. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She squeezed his hand as it held onto the gear stick and nodded with a smile. "Yeah."
They got out of the car and playfully walked up to the front door, her in the same blue sundress from before with an oversized, faded, indigo sweatshirt over it and him in a simple black hoodie and a pair of jeans. Right before they made their way up the stairs, he pulled her into deep kiss.

"I love you," she whispered, lightly holding on to his sleeves.
"I love you, too." He guided her up the stairs and knocked on the front door.

A waif-like woman with auburn hair in a white t-shirt and pink striped bed shorts holding a large yellow mug answered the door. She leaned into the frame. "What brings you around these parts at this time at night? Do you have any idea what hour this is?"
JC pointed to his right. "Um, this is Ellie."
"Heather." JC's sister switched the mug from her right hand to her left and shook Ellie's hand in greeting. The three of them stood in an awkward silence for a moment. "Well, you guys wanted me down here for the 4th. I flew in this afternoon." She motioned them indoors. "Why are you visiting so late?"
JC took Ellie's hands and put an arm around her waist. "We have some news."
"You've formed a new band." Heather gasped in mock surprise as Karen and Roy made their way into the front hall from the living room.
Karen came to stand by her son's side. "I thought Ellie wasn't a musician."
"No, Mom, it'll be cool, like 'Wings.'" Heather took a sip of the iced water in her mug.
Roy made a circular gesture. "What's all this about, Josh? It's very late."
JC took a deep breath and looked over at Ellie as she softly ran her fingertip along the heel of his hand. "I've asked Elizabeth to marry me and she's happily accepted."
Karen gasped and covered her mouth with her hands as her husband let out a long disgruntled sigh. Heather's eyes darted back and forth between JC and Ellie as she figured out that Ellie was short for Elizabeth. "Holy shit, no fucking way. This is rich even by your standards, Josh." She made a clicking sound with her tongue and held her mug up in a toast, giving a wink.

Roy suddenly took Ellie by the arm and dragged her into the kitchen. "Ow!" she exclaimed, rubbing her arm as he closed the door.
"You can't marry Joshua."
"What?..Why not?"
"You've only been together, what, four and a half months. It's far too soon."
Ellie pulled her sleeves over her hands. "It's not like we're getting married tomorrow. We just want to be engaged right now, that's all."
Roy compulsively pulled his undershirt down over the waistband of his red checked pajama pants. "I was hoping you would be a little smarter about this, the voice of reason, you know? When Josh gets an idea into his head he can become fairly buttheaded, but maybe you would be able to talk him out of it."
"Shouldn't you be addressing your hesitations with you son?" Ellie responded as JC opened the kitchen door.
"Is there anything you want to say to me, Dad?"
Roy stood in silence for awhile. "You shouldn't get married. It's too soon."

With that Ellie walked out of the kitchen and into the hall, storming outside as she heard Karen say a similar statement to Heather from inside the living room.

JC snapped his arm in the direction of the front door after he heard it close. "Now look what you've done."
"Look what I've done? This is all your doing, Joshua."
JC ran his hand through his hair, huffing in frustration. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"
"Because you're being extremely careless--" Roy was cut off by his son.
"Stop trying to control my life! That's all you guys seem to do. You keep saying that you know what's best for me and all of that bullshit, but you never think what I might want, what I want to be happy."
"Do you even know what you want?" Roy snapped.
"I don't fucking know, OK?"
"And you think you're ready to get married?"
"Because I want to be with her...I want to be with Ellie. I love her."
"Then why can't you just be with her? You don't have to get married--"
JC cut off his father again. "Because I just want to. I want to marry her."
"Do you even know what it takes to be married, to stay married?"
"I'll work it out." They stood in silence as Roy was dumbfounded. "I can't do this anymore, Dad. I thought you would be happy for me, for us." JC turned to leave the house, meeting his mother at the front door. He took his car keys out of his pocket as he opened the front door. "Don't call me unless you accept my decision." With that, he stepped out and closed the door behind him.
"Roy..." Karen addressed her husband with a pained and confused whine.
"I don't know what to do. He's usually such a smart boy."
"Really, Dad?" Heather stood with her parents in the hallway, lifting up her hands in suggestion. "Now, this might just be the clinical psychologist in me, but I say that he's feeling unease because the thing that usually completely engulfs his life, his career, is at a place where he has very little control over, to the extent where it was negatively affecting every other aspect of his life, including his love life. So, now that he's found something that he can either control, or something that is resulting in something positive, like, say, I don't know, the right girl, he's trying to keep that as long as he possible can, thus marrying her..." Heather pursed her lips. "But I don't know anything."

She started to make her way up the stairs. "Look, Tyler said that Josh wants a prenup, so he's still operating at some level of common sense. Maybe the best we can do right now is sit and wait it out. Maybe, as much as you don't want to admit it right now, maybe he knows what he's doing, and maybe he knows that she's what's best for him."

JC found Ellie sitting on the top step taking refuge from the rain as he closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath. Be strong, keep it together.
She jumped a little when she heard the door click. "Oh, hey." She wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
"Come here, baby." He reached out and pulled her into his arms, squeezing her tightly. "Everything will be fine."
"Can we go home now?" she mumbled as she buried her head into his chest.
"Sure." He led her to the front passenger door of the car, protecting her from the rain with his jacket.

They didn't speak for the first 20 minutes or so of the drive home, tension building with each second. Finally, Ellie spluttered into violent tears. She reached her hands up, trying to calm herself by grabbing the upholstery on the roof of the car, gasping in between sobs.
JC reached his free hand over to try to console her. "I don't think I've seen you ugly cry before," he said jokingly as she shook his hand free.
She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh my God, fuck you! Do you know what your dad told me to do back there? He told me to call off the engagement. Do you understand what position that puts me in?" She paused, processing her thoughts. She squeaked as she started crying again. "I have to either break up with you or tell you that I don't want to marry you."
He changed gears with acute force mirroring the feeling in his gut. "OK, so which one do you choose?"
"Neither, I want to marry you."
"You want to marry me?" He snapped his head to look at her.
"Yes." She pulled her sleeves over her hands, placing one into the other to create a makeshift muff.
"Wait, you actually want to marry me?" he said in a bewildered tone as he turned his eyes back to the road.
"Yes, why do you think I accepted your proposal, dickweed?"

JC leaned out of his seat to look out the passenger side window, carefully steering the car into the driveway of the house. He turned the car off and they sat for a moment in the darkness, Ellie occasionally sniffing over the sound of the rain.

"If you don't want me to marry you, then why did you ask me?" Ellie whispered in a meek tone.
"It's not that."
She raised her voice as she turned to look at him. "Then what is it? You've been planning this for, what, a week now? You say that this is what you want, then suddenly you're unsure about it the moment, the very moment your folks say that maybe it's a bad idea."
He cut her off as she paused. "What if they're right? Huh? What if it is too soon? What if we are rushing into it?"
"THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING ASK ME? If you're not completely serious, then why did you ask me? You know that marriage isn't something you're supposed to take lightly. If you weren't sure, then you shouldn't have asked me." She took a deep breath. "If you're not sure, then why did you ask me to marry you?" She watched him as he ran the ignition key up his leg, making a faint line in the denim of his jeans. She repeated herself, "If you're not sure, then why did you ask me?"
After what felt like a century, he finally answered, "I thought if I proposed, you would stay with me."
"I would have stayed with you if you didn't ask," she snapped.
"That's not what you said on the beach, you said that you couldn't stay with me if I didn't marry you."
"I never said that."
"You said something like it. I just...I just want...I don't know, maybe I thought that if I proposed, maybe it would take you a little longer to find a reason to dump me."
"You have to be fucking kidding me. Do you mean that?" She watched as he flicked his thumb on one of the cuts of the key, never looking her in the eyes. "Did you seriously just concoct some bullshit excuse? Do you seriously think...No, I can't do this." She opened the door and slid out of the vehicle, bending over to say one final point. "Are you so fucked in the head that you honestly think I'm keeping track of some list of reasons why I should dump you? That's fucked up, even by your standards." She threw the car door shut and ran up to front door, slamming against it with the palm of her hand when she couldn't open it. "Motherfucker!"

He got out of the car and followed her, reaching in front of her to unlock the door.
"Don't touch me." She flinched as his hand brushed against her stomach.
He stopped before trying again. "I need to..."
"Don't fucking touch me."
 He unlocked the door with a huff. "What is your fucking problem?"
"You're my fucking problem." She swung open the door and kicked of her shoes, starting her way upstairs. She stopped as he called after her.
"Baby..." He looked up at her as he stood at the foot of the stairs.
"I need to be alone right now, JC." She saw him flinch as she said his initials. She climbed the rest of the staircase, turning at the top to look back at him, sadness filling his blue eyes. She slowly slipped out of view, quietly shutting herself in the bedroom with her tears.

Almost in slow motion, JC ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing onto the thickest part, pulling until he felt it sting. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, making a resigned murmur as he exhaled. "Shit," he whispered as the phone rang, "I'm coming." He turned the light on in the kitchen and yanked the receiver off the hook, yelling into the phone at what he expected to be one of his parents, "What!?"
Justin made a startled squeak. "Whoa, man. What's up your butt?"
"I thought you were my dad, that's all." JC pulled one of the chairs from the kitchen table and sat down.
"Why are you angry at Roy? You two never fight."
"Just some family drama, that's all. Why did you call me?"
"I have great timing, don't I?" Justin chuckled. "Um, I was wondering how you beat the boss in the graveyard level of Shadows Keep. I keep trying and I can't seem to get him at the right point. He's never open."
"His weak spot is on his back, I think. You shoot him when he's building up the energy ball thingies. Why aren't you asking Chris or Trace this?"
"Chris is on a date and Trace hasn't played the game. You said last year that you did, so I called you."

Justin quieted down for a second. "Um, JC, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. You know how you said in that interview what had happened, then I got angry at you? Well, I went back and read what you said again, like really read what you were saying and how you felt about the whole situation. Well, I see now that maybe, I could've handle the situation a little more...I guess, delicately?"
"Yeah, it's fine though. I was ready to move on anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"The group dynamic had just changed, that's all. We weren't really doing it just for us anymore. *NSYNC had kinda just become another vehicle to make you famous. If we made another album, it wouldn't have been just an *NSYNC album, it would've been a Justin Timberlake and *NSYNC album. To be honest, I wouldn't have been OK with that. What you did wrong, though, was that instead of telling us immediately when you knew that you didn't want to be in the group anymore, you dragged us along for two years telling us that you still wanted to do another album. Also, next time, tell us that kind of news in person, don't herd us all into a room and send Johnny in to do it. Treat the situation personally if the reaction is going to be personal."
"OK, is that why you got all butthurt about it?"
"Yeah, at the beginning, we were all equals. But over time, especially the last few years, you kind of rose above us, making yourself more important than us. With what you did, you forced us to put our lives on hold for you whilst you didn't have to. You got to move on gradually whilst we had to process everything immediately. You also pretty much fired us. Well, told Johnny to fire us on your behalf."
"Sorry, man. I didn't know."

JC made a small grunt, not completely sure if Justin's apology was completely genuine. "Why did you do all that shit with Ellie?"
Justin's tone changed. JC knew instantly that Justin was now lying to him. "I didn't know you were so serious about her." Justin tried to brush it off. "I was just having some fun. I didn't think she would act so dramatically."
"You sexually assaulted her."
"No, I didn't."
"When you grabbed her ass. She feels like you did."
"Well, she punched me."
"You violently invaded her personal space."
"No, I didn't."
"Again, Justin, that's how she feels."
"You've changed, man. You used to be able to take a joke."
"You need to grow up. Look, I need to go. Maybe we'll talk again when you feel like apologising to Ellie." JC hung up. He thought for a moment, staring at Ellie's purse on the kitchen counter.

He stood up and opened it, taking out her personal organiser. He opened it to the personal details page. He called the number listed under 'Next of kin: John and Emily Argyle'. John picked up just after the first ring. "Good evening. John speaking."
"Oh, hey. It's Josh, Ellie's boyfriend."
"Hey. It's nice to hear from you. Is everything OK with our girl?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. Ellie and I were talking this afternoon, and we were wondering if we could come spend a few days with you guys before she has to fly back into New York on the 6th."
"Oh, we would love that. If you fly in tomorrow, we can go to church on Sunday. I also do a big barbecue on the 4th of July every year. It'll be lovely to have Ellie there this year. I really miss her when we do big family events and she can't come. We just had Claire's engagement party, the whole congregation was there. Just didn't feel right without her."
"Um, John. There's another reason I called."
"What is it, son?"
"Um, I want to ask you a question. I've been thinking a lot recently how good Ellie's been for me. I don't mean in an obedience way. I mean, she's a good girl, but..."
"Stumbling over your words a bit, son? A bit nervous?"
"Yeah. I really love her and she makes me very happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. And I've kind of been thinking how well we fit together, as people, you know?"
"I think I get what you're saying."
"Yeah, well, we go really well together, and I've been thinking about how wonderful she would be at being a wife and mother."
"Oh, OK." John caught wind of what JC was doing."So, you're asking for her hand in marriage?"
"Um, yeah. If you don't mind...please?" JC heard Emily ask John what was going on through the phone.
"What's going on?"
"Josh just asked me permission to propose."
"To you?"
"No, to Ellie. He wants to marry Ellie."
"Give me the phone." JC heard a struggle before Emily came on the line. "Yes! I mean yes. We'll love it if you married Ellie. She's very much in love with you and I know that she would love it if you became her husband."
"You don't think it's too soon?"
"Well, that's what long engagements are for. God's plans are sometimes much faster than our own, but when they happen, you just know what you're supposed to do."
"That explains a lot." JC came to the realisation of how Ellie had become such a romantic. He heard John try to take the phone off Emily.
"I'm her daddy. I'm the one who's supposed to give permission. I only get to do this once." Emily handed John the phone. "Josh, you there?"
JC chuckled. "Yeah. May I please have your daughter Elizabeth's hand in marriage?"
"Yes, I'd be honoured. Are you gonna ask her down here, or are you going to wait a bit? What kind of ring are you getting her?"
"I got her a ring with some pearls on it. I would buy her the biggest diamond I could, but I didn't really think she would like that. I was actually thinking of asking her up here in private. We'll just kind of act like I didn't ask if she doesn't accept."
"Right, I guess we'll know how it turns out when you two get here. I don't think she wouldn't tell us that kind of news in person. We look forward to seeing you."
"Great, bye."
"One more thing, if you hurt her, embarrass her or fuck her over, I will find you, rip your head off and shit down your neck. Got that?"
"It's getting late, John."
"I mean it."
"I know. I've just gotta go. Bye."
"Bye bye."
JC hung up the phone and rang his hands over his face. "Jesus Christ." He got up from the table, put the phone on the hook and went upstairs.

He knocked lightly on the bedroom door. "Baby, can I come in?"
"No." He heard Ellie's muffled voice as he started to open the door. "Go away."
He climbed on the bed and laid behind her, lightly kissing her neck as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry."
"No, you're not."
"No, I am. I let my folks get into my head and I forgot how I feel and why I asked you. You were right. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't really want you to marry me."
"So, you're taking it back?"
"Baby, look at me." He slid back and gently pulled on her arm. She turned over to face him. He wiped away her tears and gently kissed her. "I asked you because I love you."
"Can you just make this quick? I've called off an engagement before and the longer you draw it out, the more it hurts."
"I'm not taking it back. I called your parents."
"Fuck, you didn't tell them, did you?"
"I asked them for your hand, to show you that I'm serious. I asked you because I want you to be my wife."
She tugged on the waistband of his jeans, pulling him close enough to intertwine her legs with his. "But do you want to be my husband and father my children? Do you want to do those things in general? Do you want kids?"
"I don't know what to say to make you believe me. I don't know what to say to convince you that I want this. I love you and I want to make you happy with every electron, atom and molecule of my whole being. If you want to get married and have 14 babies, then I want to get married and have 14 babies."
"I'm not birthing 14 babies."
"If you don't want to do that, then we won't."
She softly traced the curve of his ear with her finger. "But what about what you want?"
"I want you." He lightly kissed her wrist.
She ran the tip of her finger slowly down his bottom lip and softly whispered, "Kiss me."
He used his weight to turn her over onto her back, deeply kissing her as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Why do you want me to give you up if you still need me?"
"I'm addicted. I can't quit you."
"Then marry me."
"Are you sure?"
He gently cupped her jaw, looking into her eyes. "Yes. Marry me, please. I'm being serious. Marry me."
"Are you sure that's what you want?"
"What about what you want? If you could do anything, without any negative consequences, whatever you want in your deepest of hearts, what would you do? Would you marry me?"
"No negative consequences?"
"None, nothing. No heartbreak, no negative reactions, no divorce. If you knew it would be a sure bet and whatever you chose would come out in your favour, what would you choose?"
She gently unzipped his jacket and slid her hand underneath the white tank top, softly combing through the hair on his abdomen as she thought. "I guess that I would marry you."
He kissed her. "Is that a yes?"
She nodded, a small but sure smile coming to her lips. "Yes, it is."

Chapter 12 - Now and Forever

Monday, May 1st, 1995
Ellie took the light purple binder she used for chemistry out of her floral backpack. She opened up to a new sheet of paper and set the binder completely parallel to the edge of the desk closest to her. She opened the textbook to the twelfth chapter, equilibrium reactions and equations, and lined the book completely centre to her space on the left and Claire’s space on the right. She took out a pencil, eraser, and pencil sharpener from her pencil tin and lined them at the top of her binder. She set her bag neatly at her feet and straightened her outfit, a blue, checked sundress over a white t-shirt. She checked her watch, a dainty silver time piece with a blue face her parents had given her for her sixteenth birthday just over ten months before and she swept her long, golden brown hair behind her shoulders. She was blonde as a child, but over the last few years, her hair had started taking on the caramel colour of her mother Emily’s tightly bound bun.
Next to her, Claire leaned over her tatty, pink spiral notebook as she checked her lipstick in a pink, checked compact. “My mama is buying me the most extravagant carnation pink gown for prom.”
“You’re not using that word correctly,” Ellie whispered with a slight lisp. “Extravagant: over the top, frivolous, wasteful. It’s not a synonym for beautiful.”
“You know, I rue the day you signed up for advanced vocabulary.” Claire put her lipstick and compact into the worn make up bag and took out a chewed up blue pen.
“You need a good vocabulary score on your SATs to get into a good college. If I’m going to go to Princeton, I need at a combined score of at least 1400.”
“You can get into LSU on less than 1000,” Claire muttered as she straightened the sleeves on her cheerleading uniform.
Ellie turned to her best friend. “Claire, honey, we both know I can do better than 1000.”
“With all the studying you do, of course you’re gonna do better than that. I just want to go to college with my best friend, and you know how I can’t stand to spend time away from Mama.” Claire made a small pout. “Is there any chance you’re even gonna let yourself out long enough to go to prom?”
“It’s only junior prom.”
“Doesn’t matter; you’ll probably end up missing senior prom anyway. Molly Sue and I would love for you to join us stag.” Claire waved at Ellie as she stared off into the distance.
A tall boy with black hair in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt carrying an old, red motorcycle helmet walked into the classroom. He smiled at Ellie as he made his way past her desk to the back of the classroom.
“I wish Ryan would ask me. I found this really nice dress at the church charity shop. It’s white with a pink sash around the waist. Its skirt flows out into taffeta tiers. It’s got to be from the fifties. My orthodontist says he might even be able to take my braces off by then.”
“That white trash? You only like him because he looks like that JC fellow from the Mickey Mouse Club.”
“But JC’s so dreamy.” Ellie placed her chin on her hand and vaguely remembered JC singing a cover of Richard Marx’s “Now and Forever”. She thought to herself how much she wished she had taped that show. “Who the heck takes the Mickey Mouse Club off the air?”
Just as Ellie said that, their chemistry teacher Mr. Abel, a medium height man in his 50s wearing a green plaid shirt and a pair of grey slacks, walked into the classroom. “OK, class. Put your textbooks away. We’re having a pop quiz.” He handed a stack of papers to Ellie. “Pass the papers back. 40 questions, please be sure to show your work. Please write your name on the front. You have 1 hour.”

Ellie placed her textbook and binder into her backpack and wrote her name in her dainty, penciled handwriting.

Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
Ellie climbed over JC and got out of her father’s beaten Chevy truck. She straightened her white camisole and denim cut-offs. She walked around to the bed and got out the courier box she had addressed the morning before from the only one of JC’s duffle bags it would fit into. She walked up the path and stairs of the Mathersons’ Victorian-style home and lightly knocked on the front screen door.

Claire’s stepfather, Lewis, answered. “Evening, Miss Elizabeth.”
“Reverend, um, I’m just dropping off the dress and shoes I bought on behalf of Anna for Claire’s wedding. I was going to send it yesterday, but some things came up.”
Lewis spied the ring on Ellie’s finger as she wrestled with the box. “You should have told me you were engaged. Claire’s told us how smitten you are with this Josh fellow.” He took the box from Ellie. “Is that him in the truck with your pa?” Lewis put the box by the door.
“Um, yeah. Getting back to the dress, I left a note in the box with the receipt saying that you owe me $125.” She stepped to her left as Lewis, in his dark blue polo shirt and khaki slacks, passed her.
“John, you could have told me your Elizabeth was getting married,” Lewis called as he made his way down the walk to the truck. “I see that this is the lucky man.” Lewis extended his hand through the driver’s side door, offering his hand to JC in front of John’s face. “Reverend Lewis Matherson. Josh, I assume?”
“Joshua Chasez.” JC hesitantly shook Lewis’ hand. He saw Ellie walk to the car as she peered up at the windows on the second floor.
“Is that a Cajun surname? You don’t have the accent.”
“I’m from up near D.C.”
“I hope you’re not planning to have the wedding up there. I feel like Elizabeth is one of my own daughters. I would love to perform the ceremony.”
“Dammit, Lewis. She only said yes last night. Give them some time to breathe before you start making arrangements.” John huffed. “We need to get home to put the horses in.”
“I only wanted to meet the guy, John.” Lewis turned to Ellie and placed his hands on her forearms. “I’m glad things are finally turning out for the better for you. I hope you’ll join us in church tomorrow, Josh. I’ve noticed that Cajun names are usually Catholic by default.”
“I’m Mennonite,” JC remarked gruffly as he saw Ellie’s unease at Lewis’ touch. “We really must go. The horses must stick to their schedule.”
“Get in the truck, Ellie,” John called as he started the motor.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. It was nice meeting you, Josh.” Lewis waved before he went back into the house.
“Holy shit, the man is about as friendly and appropriate as a two dollar whore,” John said as he waited for Ellie to climb back over JC’s lap.
“Daddy has never liked how friendly Lewis is,” Ellie explained as she settled in between the two men.
“He just makes my ass itch. Some folk deserve their privacy.”
“Daddy, he’s a man of the cloth. A lot of people trust him with with their business.”
“Well, I don’t trust him with mine. Not with that gossip for a wife.”
“Daddy, don’t speak of Miss Diana that way. Anyway, our problem ain’t Miss Diana finding out our business. It’s Miss Claire. Once she finds out that we’re engaged, she’s going to be madder than a cut snake.”

Monday, May 1st, 1995
Ellie walked up to Ryan as he put his Chemistry book into his locker. “Hey. Boy, that quiz was hard. How did you think you did?"
“Come on, Ellie. We both know you aced it.” Ryan slid his hand through his floppy black curls as he balanced his helmet on his knee. “That dress really brings out the blue in your eyes. I wish I had such pretty, cornflower blue eyes.”
“Thanks. Um, speaking of dresses. I was wondering if you had a date to prom?”
“Um, I don’t know how to say this…My girlfriend goes to the Catholic school up on the hill.”
“St Josephine’s?”
“Yeah. Well, you know how our school won’t let juniors take dates from other schools. I kinda decided that if I can’t bring her, then there’s no point in me going at all. Plus, I don’t think she’d be OK if I took another girl.”
Ellie’s heart sank. “Um, OK. I understand. I’ll see you in history tomorrow,” she said in a despaired tone as she back away from his locker. She waited until she knew he couldn’t see her, then she ran to the bathroom.

Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
Emily, in her usual cream riding pants and a light blue polo shirt, stepped onto the porch of the Argyle’s farm house, waving as her husband's battered red truck drove up the driveway. The Argyle’s home was three-story with light, blue sliding and an iron roof painted in a darker blue. A porch wrapped around the house and the top story was an attic converted into a bedroom for Ellie, a small project John had taken on the summer of 1990. Behind the house was a maze of white split rail fences enclosing horse pens and a large, dark green-roofed, wooden stable. Dotted throughout the property was various magnolia, elm, and willow trees, the largest of which was a gigantic willow tree sitting by the edge of a small creek that ran with the waters of the Mississippi flowing to the east of the property.

Ellie slipped out of the driver's side as John, dressed in a red plaid shirt and jeans, went to the tray to get the luggage. “Mama!” Ellie called as she ran into her mother’s arms.
“Baby.” Emily squeezed her daughter and kissed her forehead. Emily took Ellie’s hands and looked into her eyes. “Is it a ‘yes’?’’
“It’s a ‘yes,’ Mama.” Ellie nodded.
“Let me see that ring.” Emily turned over Ellie’s hand to inspect the seven pearls on her finger. “It’s beautiful. How did your father take the news?”
“He gave Josh a bear hug in the airport, lifted him right off the ground.” Ellie took her suitcase off her father. “Josh and I will go put our things into my bedroom.”
“I think not, sweetheart.” John passed Ellie her purse. “Josh will be staying in the guest bedroom.”
“Josh and I don’t have that kind of relationship.”
“It doesn’t matter. Your mother and I have spoken about it and we feel that it would be best if you slept in separate rooms.”
“I’m 27, not 14.”
“I’m OK in the guest bedroom.” JC, dressed in a greyish blue t-shirt and jeans, set a black suitcase on the porch. “It’s only for a few nights.”
“It’s bullshit. That’s what it is,” Ellie grumbled as she opened the front door and entered the house.

The front door was stained glass with a portrait of Ellie hung just inside to its left. “Oh my God, what is that?” JC exclaimed as he sat his luggage by the door, pointing to the portrait of Ellie in a short white dress with a pink sash.
“That’s my prom photo." Ellie thought for a moment. "I swear I still have the dress upstairs. I'll show you the guest room." Ellie took JC's hand and ran up the stairs.
"No funny business, you two," John called after them. He looked at the dismayed look on his wife's face. "It's only a test to see if he respects us."
"You can't keep lovers like that apart for long. I swear, if he doesn't invite himself into her bed by tomorrow morning, then she'll sneak into his."
John let out a defeated sigh. "Why are you always right?"
"’Cause I'm the smart one. She gets it from me."
John started to make his way through to the kitchen. "I'll start dinner."

Saturday, May 13th, 1995
Ellie sat on the bleachers watching the couples dance on the basketball court turned dance floor. She sighed as she rested her chin on her palm. Both Claire and Molly Sue, the most eligible single girls at prom, had been dancing all night with every boy who had the courage to ask. Always a wallflower, Ellie thought to herself. She felt someone sit down next to her.
"Hey." Miles Andrew Henderson III was the great-grandson of one of the Northerners who had come down from Delaware to build an empire in the fallen South after the Civil War. A timber heir, Miles, was a piece of shit who was known in the student body for having very little to no boundaries with the female gender, whilst having enough charm and fortune to get away with any wrongdoing, or at least his father did. He dressed with the style of a ‘90s version of a Victorian-era dandy, mostly sweaters, khakis and polo shirts, with his hair styled into a blond quiff. He shuffled a little closer to Ellie in his black tuxedo pants, white dinner jacket and wing tips.
"Oh, hey." Ellie smoothed down the mound of taffeta on her lap. "I guess we're the undesirables."
"Pity, we're the best dressed two here."
"With a bow tie that pink, we're almost matching."
Miles took her hand into his. "If I had know what you were wearing I would've asked you. I can't believe no one else did. You've gotten real pretty over the last year or so. You have such a pretty smile now you've got your braces off."
Ellie smiled in flattery and curled her fingers over his. It felt so nice to have a boy notice her. "Do you want to go to the movies next week or something?"
He edged his face close enough for her to smell his aftershave. "Sure."
She let out a small breath. "Are you going to kiss me now?" A split second after she asked, he pressed his lips to hers, her first kiss. She felt his fingers slide up the skirt of her dress, past her knees, and try to slip into the band of her panties. She ripped his arm from underneath her dress as she tried to close her legs even tighter than they already were. "Please don't do that."
"Most girls like having their pussies touched."
"What if a teacher sees us?" She hoped that the fear of authority would subside his advances.
"They're all watching the football team. No one's looking out for the good boys and girls like us. We could slip away and fuck and they wouldn't even notice."
"I don't want to," she whispered.
"You probably don't want to go back to being unnoticed and plain. A homely girl like you isn't going to go nowhere if she doesn't put out."

Ellie thought about what he said. She thought about how none of the boys had asked her out, how all the boys she liked always had girlfriends. She thought about Ryan, about where he was right now, about how the tall, brunette girl she had seen him around town with was probably sucking his cock in her parent's basement. She thought about how Claire's inherited gift for gossip had informed her that every girl who was somebody, every girl who loved was also conveniently also not a virgin. She gave in. "Let's get to know each other a little bit better."
"Of course."

The following Monday morning, Miles met her outside the front of school, kissing her lightly on the cheek to greet her. He was a complete gentleman, carrying her things and opening doors for her, holding her hand as they walked to class. Their union became the last major gossip item amongst the juniors before school broke out for the summer. Of course, Claire had spent much of that first week and following summer lecturing Ellie in an attempt to convince Ellie that Miles was a dirtbag, but Ellie never listened. It felt too good to have someone tell her she was beautiful, to have someone kiss her shoulder as she sat on his lap, to wait by the phone every night for his call. Miles had started to call her “Lizzie”, a lame attempt at a pet name, but she grew to love it nonetheless, just as she grew to love him.

They never made it to that movie that Saturday following prom. He had told her he wanted to show her a secret place of his, down by the river on the way there. He stopped the car and led her underneath a large willow tree. He took her virginity underneath that tree, at the same place he took all of the girls. Ellie was the only one naive enough, or the only one who enjoyed it enough, to call him the next day.

Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
"OK, you can open your eyes now."
JC lowered his hands and immediately started laughing at the sight of Ellie in her prom dress. "It's a fucking cupcake." He sat on the edge of her bed, a double bed with a white, wooden headboard with a rose carved into the centre. It was made with white sheets that matched every piece of furniture in the sky blue room. "Don't, you're gonna smother me." He playfully batted at the full taffeta skirt as she stepped closer to him.
She placed her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I wish you had taken me to prom. I wish we had grown up together and that we were highschool sweethearts."
"No, you don't. I would've found a way to fuck it up. My life was different back then, I was different. It's better now, everything's better now. I've changed. I've learned I can put someone else first, before me and my work."
"You don't need to do that."
He softly kissed her. "I want to." JC had been slipping little comments throughout the day, little promises that he wouldn't ruin their relationship the way he had ruined his others.

She brushed the hair by his temples. “Is this a good idea?”
“That dress, no.” He shook his head.
“I mean us getting engaged. What if it is too soon?”
“We’ll have to wait and see.”
“Can we just dissolve it until a more appropriate time?”
“Why? Then we’ll just look back and think that we shouldn’t have.” He pulled her a little closer to him, wrapping his arms around her hips.
“We don’t even know what kind of wedding we want.”
“We’ll figure that out whilst we have our excruciatingly long engagement.” He brushed the tip of his nose to hers, kissing her softly.
“I need you to promise me something,” Ellie whispered as her mother called them down to dinner. “I’ve been thinking about this long engagement thing. I’m all fine and good about it, but promise me we won’t go on further than five years.”
“OK, we’ll be married within five years.”
“Another thing.” She gently pulled on his shoulder as he started to get up to leave. “All of our children will be born into wedlock. If I fall pregnant during the engagement, then we have to get married as soon as possible.” She stepped back and started undoing the dress. “Tell Mama I’ll be down in a minute.” She stopped as she saw him waiting to watch her undress. “What? I’m not wearing this to dinner.”
“I know.”
“I only took my top off. You’re not going to see anything.”
“Well, excuse me. I’ve been banished to the guest bedroom. Whatever I see now is the most I’m probably going to see until the 6th.”
She pushed him to get off the bed and out of the room. “You get the fuck downstairs. We’ll find a way to work around it. Go.” She waved him off down the stairs just as her mother called out again.

Ellie sat at the kitchen table whilst Emily cleared the table. JC and John had gone into the living room to rest after the evening meal. "Mama, how long were you and Daddy dating before you got engaged?"
"We were together a year and seven months before your father proposed." Emily placed the stack of plates in the sink and turned the tap on.
"How long until you got married?" Ellie got up and went to help her mother with the washing-up.
"Three months."
"Why?"
"We didn't see the point in waiting." Emily handed Ellie a butter plate.
"You didn't think it was too soon?" Ellie wiped the suds off of the plate and set it in the drying rack.
"Well, I was an old maid by then."
"You were only 28."
"Times were different then. Most of the girls I went to school with had three children by that age." Emily handed Ellie a stack of cutlery.
"How did you know Daddy loved you?"
"I don't know. He told me he did, and I believed him." Emily unplugged the sink and wiped her hands on a dish towel.
"You never doubted him?"
"Never occurred to me that he was capable of lying about something like that."
"What drew you to him in the first place?"
Emily leaned back on the sink. "He always looked rather sexy in his uniform."
"Mama!" Ellie exclaimed. She laid the last of the washing-up by the sink on the drying rack. She lowered her voice. "Do you think this is a good idea, Josh and I getting engaged so soon?"
"I'm not really sure, baby. I don't know him like you do. I can only trust him because you do."
"Am I making the right decision?" Ellie brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, looking at her mother with a confused face.
"I don't know. You need to figure that one out yourself."

Monday, July 17th 2000
Ellie turned the dial on the radio of her father’s truck. She had returned home from her summer internship at Clefnotes to the news that Miles had been sleeping with a file clerk he had been working with. She sat across from the Louisiana State Capitol building in the hot afternoon sun burning at a temperature only slightly below Ellie’s own anger.

She had met her breaking point. She had excused the earliest rumours, she had forgiven him every time he said he wouldn’t do it again after being caught. She had even conveniently forgotten that she had seen her engagement ring on sale for $75 at Walmart not a week after he had given it to her. She had put it at the back of her mind as she paid the cashier for her new watch battery, rationalising that it might be a knock-off, but she always knew it wasn’t. She was done, not even their engagement had stopped him. If he wouldn’t stop now, he never would. She couldn’t change him, only accept that she didn’t want to be treated this way again.

She tuned the radio into a pop station to the sound of strings. A male voice started singing to her as the clock turned 5:13pm. “I’m doing this tonight. You’re probably gonna start a fight. I know this can’t be right, hey baby, come on. I loved you endlessly, when you weren’t there for me. So now it’s time to leave and make it alone.” She closed her eyes as the lyrics echoed her thoughts, her anger only burning more intensely. She recognised the voice, but she couldn’t quite place it. Her eyes snapped open as a second, rougher voice started singing. “I know that I can’t take no more. It ain’t no lie. I wanna see you out that—“ She turned the car off as she saw Miles walk down the steps to the State Capitol building. She yelled the first thought that came to her head.

“WALMART?! YOU BOUGHT MY FUCKING ENGAGEMENT RING AT FUCKING WALMART?! YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH HALF OF THE FEMALE POPULATION AND I’M ONLY WORTH FUCKING SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS TO YOU?!”
“Lizzie, baby, you’re making a scene.” Miles stopped in his tracks as she ran towards him, wearing a yellow sundress. He adjusted the suit jacket on his arm. “It isn’t good behaviour.”
She pushed his chest. “DON’T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT’S GOOD BEHAVIOUR!”
“Calm down.”
“NO, I TRUSTED YOU! I BELIEVED YOU! I LOVED YOU! YOU BROKE MY HEART!” Ellie sputtered into tears. “I thought you loved me.”
“Lizzie, I do.” He reached out to her.
She pulled her arm away. “Then why do you keep doing it?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe I would change, for you.”
She knew he was lying, playing a well used line. She took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s best if you’re not in a relationship. Stay away from my family.” She turned to walk back to the truck.
“Can I at least have the ring back?” he called just as she opened the rusted door.
“NO! IT WAS A FUCKING GIFT, YOU CUNT!”

Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
JC extended his hand to Ellie, helping her get out of the backseat of her grandfather James’s clucky, grey Volvo sedan. They straightened their clothes, him in a white, long-sleeved shirt over charcoal trousers and her in a white sundress with a yellow pattern of white roses printed into the cotton. They stood outside the First Presbyterian Church on the corner of Mitchell Street and Sherman Avenue, awaiting that morning’s service.
Ellie waved as her grandmother Rosemary pushed her great-grandmother Eliza’s wheelchair towards them. “Hey.” Ellie leaned in to greet her grandmother before she bent down to greet Eliza. “Are you feeling good today?”
Eliza extended a hand out to JC. “I’m feeling a lot better after seeing this fine sailor.”
“Mama.” Rosemary bent down to correct her mother. “Josh here is a musician. He’s never been in the navy. He’s from that group you like, *NSYNC.”
“I know, I know. I just think he looks like a sweetheart of mine, a young sailor down in New Orleans. Did you know I was a dancer in a jazz joint in the ‘20s? If you slip me a fiver, I’ll show you a good time.”
“That’s very nice, Mama.” She leaned in to apologise. “I swear, she’s gone senile in her old age. She’s never left Baton Rouge and she was never a stripper…or a prostitute for that matter. She got married at 16 and had my eldest brother a year later in 1923.”
"Why is she drunk at 10 in the morning?”
“You can smell it?”
“From a mile away.”

Over the next few minutes, JC was introduced to John’s mother, Jean, as she arrived with John and Emily. The conversation turned to tomorrow’s barbecue as Ellie was greeted by the occasional former school mate or a fan or two asking for JC’s autograph. Just as the progression started to fill the church, something caught Ellie’s eye. Though an over-the-top sun hat wasn’t a foreign concept to a southern church, the wife of a former beau in the most over-the-top headwear in a classless get-up trotting down the path was a sight to be seen. Ellie paused as she saw Molly Sue Henderson, née Clements, turn to beckon her husband to catch up, a slight baby bump showing. Ellie felt JC’s arm reach around her.

“Who is she?” he whispered.
“Miles’s wife,” she answered as she saw the flash of sunlight reflect off the gigantic diamond on Molly Sue’s ring finger.
Molly Sue waved as she saw her old school chum. “Ellie,” she drawled. “It’s so nice to have you back home. Are you staying long?”
Ellie took a step back, trying to distance herself as far away from Miles as he caught up to his wife. “Lizzie, have you finally given up in New York and come home? We sure have missed you.”
“I see you two have been busy,” Ellie stated in a pointed tone.
Miles placed his hand on his wife’s midsection. “Oh, yes. Miles Jr.—”
“Or Miley,” Molly interjected.
“Or Miley. It’s far too soon to know the gender.”
“Miles is desperate for a son, but I’d just love a little girl. I just can’t wait to get her started in pageants.” Molly bent the rim of her hat to take a good look at JC’s face. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
JC extended his hand out to Miles. “I’m JC.”
“His cock is bigger than yours,” Ellie stated in a dry manner. She felt JC suddenly pull her into the church.
“Why the fuck did you say that?” JC whispered as he led her to the pew her family was sitting in.
“What, it’s true. It just came out.”
“This is a house of God. You don’t say shit like that here.”
“You have a very weird sense of appropriateness.”
“Sit the fuck down.” He gently motioned her beside her mother as he sat in between her and her grandfather. “What the fuck is your problem?”
“Josh, manners,” James reminded him.
JC sighed. “Ellie, what’s wrong?”
“Molly Sue was my second best friend. They got married last year. I didn’t think such a piece of…dog poop would still attend church.” They watched as the service started, the organist playing a soft tune as the Mathersons entered the chapel through a side door, Claire, Diana and Anna taking a seat in the front pew, Derek waving as he saw Ellie and JC.
“I thought you were over him,” JC whispered.
“I don’t know.” Ellie smoothed down the skirt of her dress.
“Fuck,” JC said under his breath.
“Language,” interjected James for a second time.

After an hour or so, Ellie discreetly pulled a handkerchief from her purse and dabbed the sweat off her forehead. She gently sighed as Lewis was finally wrapping up the service.
“On a final note, I have some community announcements. I’m very happy to announce that the June church bake sale raised $570 for our back to school program. My lovely wife Diana will be organising this month’s sale. The proceeds from both this month’s and last month’s sales will go to buying school supplies for underprivileged children. I’m also happy to announce that Clive and Jeanette Kelly are celebrating their 43rd wedding anniversary this week. On a similar note, I’m also happy to announce that John and Emily Argyle’s daughter, Elizabeth, has returned home for the holiday with news of her engagement to…let me see if I can remember this correctly…Joshua Sha-shay.” With Lewis’s announcement, Claire slowly rotated her head to stare at Ellie, her lips pursed and eyes squinted in fury.
Ellie sighed in dread. “And she knows.”

Ellie paced up and down the front porch, waiting for Claire to barrel in with her lecture.
"Stop pacing. The more you keep doing that, the more nervous I become." JC cracked open a peanut shell, throwing away the casing onto the front lawn.
Ellie bit her thumb nail. "I don't know how you can eat at a time like this. You know how scary she can get."
"What's the worst she can say?"
Ellie sat down next to him. "She's been my best friend since I was 5. I need her approval nearly as much as I need my parents'."
"Really, now?" He brushed the debris off his hands and trousers as a red late ‘90s hatchback drove up the driveway, stopping suddenly in the middle of the front lawn.
Claire hastily got out of the car, slamming the door, her apricot-coloured twin-set and grey skirt wrinkled in anger. “142 DAYS, ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FUCKING TWO DAYS!” Claire bellowed as a strand of hair fell on her face, a stark contrast to the neat French knot from an hour ago. “I’VE HAD FUCKING STOMACH ACHES THAT HAVE LASTED LONGER THAN THAT!”
Ellie sat in silence, unable to answer as she felt JC take her hand.
“We know perfectly well how long it’s been.”
“Don’t touch her!” Claire came towards them, stepping back as JC stood up off the porch.
“Don’t tell me not to touch my fiancée. She doesn't belong to you.”
“She doesn’t belong to you, either. You don’t even know her.”
“Can you two please stop it?” Ellie clenched her teeth, pressing the heels of her hands into the floorboards in frustration.
“Excuse me?” Claire addressed Ellie, pointing at her chest. “I haven’t even been gone a month without you making a stupid decision like this. It’s too early to be thinking of marriage.”
Ellie let out a long grunt. “We’re well aware of the timeframe, for fuck’s sake.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
Ellie rose to her feet. “Because it feels right.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, we love each other.”
“You don’t know what love is.” The words came out of Claire’s mouth with harsh intent. She had been holding them back for some time and took slight joy in seeing Ellie’s shock as they were said. She firmly repeated them, “You don’t know what love is.”
Ellie froze in anger.

“Leave.”
“What?” Claire turned to JC as he pointed up the driveway.
“Fucking go. We don’t want you here if you’re going to act like this.”
“This isn’t your house. You can’t tell me what to do.”
Emily opened the door and emerged from the spot she was watching the scene from. “Leave.”
“Miss Emily.” Claire changed to a more polite tone. “Good afternoon.”
“Mrs. Argyle,” Emily corrected her. “Leave my house. You’re not welcome here if all you’re going to do is insult my family.”
“I wasn’t meaning to cause any trouble, ma’am.” Claire straightened her hair, pushing the fallen strand behind her ear.
“You’re just as two-faced as your mother. Don’t come back until you can treat my daughter with respect.”
Claire slowly backed away, opening her car door. “I’m very sorry.” She drove away, leaving a trail of dust.
“Trash is as trash does,” Emily muttered as she went back into the house, only turning back at the last minute. “Can I get you two anything?”
“Thank you, but I need some time alone, Mama.”
“OK, baby. Josh?”
“I’ll be in in a minute.” JC reached out for Ellie, taking her into his arms as she came closer to him.
“Fucking bitch.” Ellie clung to his shirt. “I wish she would stop treating me like a child.”

Just before sunset, JC finally was given the opportunity to find Ellie. She had been missing in action for a few hours, thus JC was put on scullery duty with Emily peeling vegetables and assisting with as much of the food as Jean and Rosemary trusted him with.
He walked towards the setting sun, over to the pool in the creek by the giant willow tree. There he met John and James fishing. “Hey, catch anything?”
“Nah, nothing but bait.” John had taken off the light blue shirt he had worn to church and was wearing an aged, white undershirt smeared with marinade.
“Has Jean finally let you out of the kitchen?” James reeled back his fishing line, squatting in his blue shirt and khakis to apply bait to his hook before he re-casted.
“Actually, I’m trying to find Ellie. I noticed her walk over in this direction a few hours ago.”
“She’s up there.” John motioned to the willow tree. “There’s an old tree house at the top. I would go up to get her myself, but the knees ain’t what they used to be.”

JC went underneath the leaves, looking up at the canopy to figure a way up to the platform at the top. He scaled the trunk, lifting himself up to the few planks of wood secured at the fork of the branches. ‘Hey.”
“Hey.” Ellie gave a small smile as he sat to a 90 degree angle of her.
“Do you think it’s safe to be up here?”
“Maybe, I wouldn’t stay up here too long though.”
“How old is this thing?”
“My great-granddad built for my father when he was a boy, so 60 odd years or so. I used to come up here when I was a kid, pretend it was a tall ship returning to England from Virginia.” Ellie returned to making the woven crown she was making out of the willow leaves. “They’ve been talking about us, you know, Daddy and Pa. They’ve been trying to figure out why we got engaged so early. Pa, being as old-fashioned as he is, thinks I’m pregnant. He thinks we’ll announce after the wedding. He thinks I’ll give birth to a 9 pounder born at 32 weeks or something. Daddy doesn’t think that. He thinks that maybe we’re just one of those couples that sees no point in waiting.” She picked the leaves off of a stem and threw them to the ground behind her. “I asked Mama last night if it was a bad idea. She says that she doesn’t know. She says that I have to figure it out myself. Pity Claire doesn’t feel that way.” Ellie crawled over the platform and rested her head in JC's lap. "It was really fucking shitty of her to say that I didn't know what love was."
JC softly ran his fingers through Ellie's hair. He murmured in agreement.
"I mean, where does she get off? She's been there with me during my biggest heartbreaks...ugh. I just can't believe her sometimes."
"Isn't she just looking out for you?"

Ellie sat up to look him directly in the eye. "What?"
"I agree that she's going about it the wrong way, but she’s only doing it because of how much she cares about you."
"You can't be serious."
"Do you know the opinion most of the people I know are going to have? 'She pushed him into it so she could get his money.' Everyone I know doesn't care about my feelings. They think I can handle loss at that level. Everyone's more concerned with my bank account. At least your loved ones still care about your feelings."
"That's it, it's off." Ellie moved over near the ledge to get down. "I'm calling the engagement off. If everyone's going to think the worse of us, there's no point in doing it."
He grabbed her hand. "Please don't."
She looked back at him. "Why? Everyone's going to think that I'm a gold digger and you're an asshole."
"Then they can think that if they want. It's not our fault they feel that way."
"Well I don't agree with you." She brushed his hand away.
"If you're too concerned with how others think about you--"
She cut him off. "What if I am too concerned? Everyone should be happy for us."
"It shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, it should be how we feel." He watched as she started to make her way down. "Wait, let me get down first."

He climbed down, then jumped the rest of the way when he knew he wouldn't injury himself. "You can come down now." She climbed down far enough for him to help her the rest of the way. She turned around to face him. "I just want everyone to be happy for us."
He pressed her against the trunk as he kissed her. "I want us to be happy again. We're more affectionate when we're happy."
"I can't be happy if so many people are upset with me."
“You need to learn how to get along with just how you feel because you're now in a situation where you're never going to be able to convince everyone to side with you.” He slowly lifted her chin so she was looking at his face. “You also need to find the conviction to stand by what you feel, ‘cause there are going to be so many people who are either going to want you to change your mind or are going to contradict you.”
She started to tear up. “I’m not ready for this.”
“You’ll never truly be ready.” He wiped her cheek. “But no matter what anyone else thinks, I’ll always love you.”

The silence was deafening. JC laid awake, unable to sleep in the complete stillness. He stared up at the ceiling, chewing a fingernail as he listened out for the occasional goods train passing on the track or the braying of one of the horses. Completely unexpectedly, he heard creaking throughout the house, his chest tightening as the sound moved along the stairs and floorboards, holding his breath as the creaking stopped at his door.
"Baby?" Ellie opened the door, seeing if he was awake.
"Fuck!" He jolted up, turning over to his side.
"Shhh!.. You'll wake my parents." Ellie crept over to the bed, climbing over him to take up the space nearest to the window.

He gently pulled her t-shirt so she would be closer to him. "I'm thinking of maybe going back to Orlando for a few days to smooth things over with my folks."
"But I need to be back at work by the sixth, the seventh at the very latest. You know we're going to print on the fifteenth of this month."
"I know. I was kind of hoping that you'd be OK with flying back into New York alone whilst I fly back to Orlando. It's only for a day or two. I'll be back by the seventh." He lightly brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"But I'll miss you." She placed her hand on his neck, softly brushing her lips against his.
"I know. I'll miss you, too. But, I really need to sit down with them and fix this."
"OK." She ran her thumb along his bottom lip. "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"
"Sing me to sleep."

Ellie cleared her throat and started singing in a jokingly flat tone, "Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top--"
"No, something else," he whispered as he intertwined his fingers with hers, brushing her leg with his toes.
Softly, in a sweeter tone, she sang, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."
He took in a long inhale. "Very nice, another one."
"What?"
"I don't know. Whatever's at the top of your head."
Ellie stopped and thought for a moment. She started singing, barely audible at first, "Whenever I'm weary, from the battles that raged in my head. You make sense of madness, when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way but still you seem to understand. Now and forever..." She trailed off, knowing he had drifted off. She was gone when he awoke.

Monday, July 4th, 2005
JC peeked out of the guest bedroom door, trying to see if the landing in between the guest bedroom, the bathroom and the master bedroom was clear. He heard footsteps downstairs. He quickly took the chance and rushed into the bathroom in only a pair of black briefs, hoping to God nobody saw him. As quickly as he shut the door, Ellie unexpectedly slipped into the room.
"Morning." She locked the door behind her, never taking her eyes off him.
He scoffed. "How long were you waiting to pounce?"
"How long were you planning on sleeping in? Everyone's been up since dawn."
"I had a hard time getting to sleep last night." He pulled the chain on the cistern, watching to see if it flushed correctly.
"I'm aware of that."
"What are you doing in here?" He turned on the faucet and washed his hands.
"I was thinking, since it's a farm, maybe we could shower together to conserve water. Water conservation in rural areas is very important."
"What the fuck are you going on about, Ellie?"

She revealed her intentions. "I know for a matter of fact that the plumbing in this house is so loud that there's no way anyone would be able to hear us fucking."
"Remember a little while back when you gave me so much shit for wanting sex all the time?" He paused as she took the blue and white t-shirt she was wearing off, leaving her in only a pair of white lace panties with pink polka dots. "Jesus Christ," he whispered as she turned around and leaned forward, turning the shower on.
She stepped closer to him. She ran her fingertips down his abdomen, her bare breasts lightly touching his chest. "I just can't help myself. It feels like it's been ages since we made love. You haven't even kissed me this morning."

He watched her face as she stood just below his. She gazed up at him, her lips slightly parted as she softly breathed in and out in anticipation. She softly bit her lip. He pressed his lips to hers, feeling her tongue flick up against his as she slipped her fingers into the front of his briefs, lightly touching the shaft of his penis.

"Get in the tub." He growled, pulling on her waistband as she started taking her panties off. "No. I want to help you." He stepped out of his underwear and watched her as the water flowed over her body. He stepped in and guided her towards the wall. He got down on his knees and slowly slid her panties down her legs.
"Is that all you're doing down there?" She ran her fingers through his hair. He gently gestured for her to widen her legs before he hoisted her left leg over his shoulder. She turned his head up towards her. "I want to see your eyes."

He looked up at her, inching his face closer to her. He closed his eyes before he kissed her, using his fingers to open her wider. She let out a groan as he ran his tongue along her pussy. He grasped her thighs as he gently teased her.
She arched her back, whimpering as she tried to clench the tiles. “Baby, no. I want to come with you inside me.” She slid her hand underneath his chin, beckoning him to stand up. She followed the hair down his abdomen, the water flowing over her fingertips.
He kissed her. “How do you want to do this?”
“I don’t know.”

He turned her around and lifted her closer to him as he slowly pushed himself into her. He slowly started to thrust as she took his hand and placed it underneath her, asking him to finish making her come. He lightly bit her shoulder. She let out a quiet moan, whispering, "A little faster, baby." She leaned further into the wall, gasping as she came. He brought himself closer to her, touching his chest to her back, kissing her earlobe. He pressed her as close to him as he could as he delivered his final thrusts, withdrawing from her as he came.
"Why are you bleeding?"
"Shit, I thought we would have more time." She turned to face him. "Yay, I'm not pregnant."
"You could have told me. I just...ew."
She shushed him. "Shh, shower sex. I'll deal with everything. It'll be fine."

Ellie bounced down the stairs just before noon. She was taken aback as she met Claire face to face in the kitchen. “Oh, hey.”
Claire was wearing a pure white, sleeveless, cotton sundress with her hair tied back in a French twist, a string of her grandmother’s pearls around her neck. “Elizabeth,” she addressed Ellie in the formal tone she always used after they had had a disagreement. “Just got out of the shower, I see.” She gestured to Ellie’s wet hair, French braided on both sides and tied into a low bun. “I’m surprised you're wearing blue. I would think you would wear something a little more feminine to celebrate your engagement.”
Ellie looked down at the blue and grey striped tank top she was wearing with denim shorts. “I’m not really in a position to wear white today. You know, don’t want to get any hard-to-get-out stains today.” She straightened her top. “Anyway, I’m not really in bridal mode yet. You on the other hand, are you going to another bridal shower today?”
Claire eyes followed JC as he entered the kitchen in a black v-neck and khaki shorts. Claire took note of his wet hair. “It’s always nice to dress like a lady. At community events like this, it’s important that I set a good example, for the parish and my family…unlike some people.”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “Cut the shit, Claire.”
“Excuse me?”
“Drop the southern belle crap. I know your mother’s forcing you into ‘Antebellum Barbie’ mode at public events now that you're in bridal mode, but you don’t have to talk to me like a finishing school student just because you're angry at me.”  
“I’m not angry at you.”
“Josh, can Claire and I have some privacy, please? Derek’s probably out back.” Ellie waved him away.
“Are you sure?” JC was cut of by Claire.
“We’ll be fine.”

The two women watched as they were left alone. Ellie curled her tongue in thought. “So…What’s up your butt?”
Claire cleared her throat. “Were you two just in the shower together?”
“Oh my God! Does nothing get passed you?”
“You both have wet hair.” Claire slowly paced across the room. “You didn’t even tell me.”
“It came up suddenly. I didn’t even see it coming. He just flat out asked me last Friday morning. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you wouldn’t like it being so soon. I know how you like to wait these things out. I didn’t really count on Lewis guessing or announcing it.”
“If you know it’s too soon, why did you accept?”
Ellie took a seat at the kitchen table. “I love him. I want to marry him.”
Claire sat opposite of her at the table. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. The only thing I’m really second guessing is having such a public engagement.”
“What?”
“Nothing, really. Well…not really. His parents aren’t too happy either. He says a lot of people might not be. It’s something we’ve been going back and forth on the last few days.” Ellie twisted her engagement ring around her finger. “I’m thinking that maybe elopement isn’t such a bad idea.”
“If you elope, I am going to kill both of you. I fucking mean it.” Claire reached across the table. “Let me see that ring.”

Ellie offered her hand to Claire. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”
Claire turned Ellie’s hand over in hers. “Yeah, you always wanted a pearl engagement ring, like your grandma.”
“Yeah, I didn’t even tell him. He just got it on his own. He said he didn’t think I would like a big diamond. Have you seen the upgrades to Molly Sue’s ring?”
“I fucking know. He must have gotten her at least another carat.” Claire leaned in a little closer. “Supposedly, she caught him in bed with his ‘secretary.’”
“I didn’t know coffee gophers got secretaries.” Ellie placed a hand on her chest. “My, what a world we now live in.”

Ellie walked over to the table where JC, Derek and her father were sitting. "Hey." She wrapped her arms around JC's neck and kissed his cheek.
JC wrapped his fingers around hers. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm OK. We just needed to talk some things over. I mean, she probably still thinks we're rushing into things, but she's slowly coming around."
"Actually, I think she's a little more upset that you told Lewis before you told her than anything else." Derek ran his finger around the rim of his cup. "I'm so sorry I haven't gotten the chance to congratulate the two of you. Craig must be thrilled."
"He doesn't know yet. We're keeping it on the down low for a while," Ellie explained. "I kinda want to see how long Maurice and Craig take to find out. You know how much they love trying to figure out secrets."
"I'm sure I'll be able to hear the screaming from down here when they find out." Derek leaned his head on his elbow to face John. "You must be happy that Ellie's finally found the right boy."
John looked up from his plate of potato salad. "Eh, if she's happy, I'm happy."
"You're OK with it?"
"Well, Josh, what does your father think?"
"He thinks it's too soon, that it's a mistake and Ellie's probably out to get my money."
"Firstly, I know my daughter and she's nothing like that. Secondly, what if it isn't? What if God wants you to get engaged now. I mean, it wouldn't have happened if he didn't want it that way. If he doesn't want you to get married, he'll find a way to stop you. Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to."
"You don't honestly believe that?" Ellie sat down next to JC. "Oh, did you see the cake my grandmother Jean made? It's the same red, white and blue cake she makes every year, but instead of it being a sheet cake, it's a love heart with 'Elizabeth & Joshua' written in red and blue frosting."
"I know someone who would think that's the most darling thing on this earth."
"Lance?"
"Justin, actually."

Chapter 13 - The Two of Us.

Wednesday, July 6th, 2005.
Roy looked up from the model aeroplane he was working on as he heard creaking down the basement stairs.
"Hey." JC paused on the stairs, wearing a cream t-shirt and jeans.
His father, wearing a grey polo shirt and shorts, adjusted his glasses as he turned to look at him for a moment in silence. "How did you get in? I thought your mother was at the store."
"I know. Heather let me in."
"I thought she left with your mother. It was a shame you couldn't join us on Monday."
JC continued his way down to the basement, pulling up a chair next to the workbench Roy was sitting at. "What are you working on, there?"
"An Avro Lancaster, a heavy bomber used by the British in World War Two."
"That's nice."
"Where's Ellie?"
"She flew back into New York this morning. She has to go back to work tomorrow."
"You didn't want to go back with her?"
"I thought I should come and talk things over with you and Mom alone."
"What kind of things?"
"The engagement."
Roy gave off a long and weary sigh. "Why can't you accept that we're not going to see eye to eye right now?"
"No, I want you to hear me out. We know what we're getting ourselves into."
"I don't think you do."
"We'll work everything out. If you're hesitant about the financial situation..."
Roy let out a fed up grunt, rolling his eyes.
JC paused, then repeated himself, "If you're hesitant about the financial situation, we're both OK signing a prenup."
"It's not about that."
"What do you mean?"
Roy took his glasses off and turned his chair towards his son. "When your mother and I adopted you, we promised Catherine that we wouldn't let you get into any trouble."
"You're not being clear. I don't understand what you're trying to say."
"Look, Josh. I've seen so many friends go through divorces. What's going to happen in ten or fifteen years when she decides she isn't happy with you anymore? I'm guessing you're thinking about having children. Well, what happens if you do have children and she wants to go back to Louisiana to raise them? Have either of you spoken about that?"
"We've talked about it."
"Have you come to an agreement? Is she Mennonite?"
"She's Presbyterian."
Roy sighed. "Oh God." He placed his head into his hands. "Would she prefer Presbyterian children? I'm guessing she wants a Presbyterian wedding?"
"We haven't really talked about the kind of ceremony we want, just that she doesn't want a big southern wedding."
Roy let out a low grumble, stopping in thought. "What I'm trying to say, is that if you decide to marry, then you're not alone anymore. It might sound all fine and dandy, but it also means that you're not just looking out for yourself. You now have to take Ellie's feelings into consideration. Everything you do will affect her."
"I know, Dad."
"Really? I'm not just talking about little things like waking up at 2pm or what you're going to have for dinner. I mean big things as well. She'll become an influence on how you make decisions regarding your career. You'll have to think about her, and any future children, when you plan your schedule. You can't spend all night at the studio anymore because she'll be waiting at home for you. You can't spend months on the road. You either have to go back home regularly, or take everyone on tour. Do you want to be one of those pricks who takes a newborn on tour with them?"
JC leaned back into his chair.
"Families and children need stability. You can't just haul them around expecting them to stay healthy. You also can't push her away when you feel like things are getting too unfair for her and expect her to take it as lightly as the others. You're not just promising her just a good time or whatever, by saying you'd marry her. You're promising her a future. She's now planning a life around you. What happens when you can't, or possibly won't, deliver on any of the things you've promised her?"
A pointed air filled the basement, tension growing between them.

Roy sighed. "Josh...I'm not hesitant because I'm scared she's going to take your money. I'm scared that you're not responsible enough to understand the weight of the decision. If you marry Ellie, your life will never be the same. I'm scared that you don't understand that. I'm scared that you're only willing to be a boyfriend when she wants a husband. I'm scared that you might not be willing to grow up the way she needs you to. You barely have your own life together. Do you think you can create a stable one for her and your children, too?"
JC sniffed as he wiped a tear off his cheek. "Maybe."

"‘Maybe' doesn't cut it, Josh. It needs to be either a yes or a no. I'm not going to be OK with this when I know that you still need to grow up. For this to be successful, you need to be responsible enough to provide for and protect a family, responsible enough to know what's best. Even if that means knowing that you're too selfish to give up your life for another."
JC drew in a long breath. "OK."
"I know I'm being pragmatic-"
JC cut him off. "I get it, Dad. I've thought about this, all of this. Just because I haven't verbalised half of the shit you're going on about doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. I'll adapt as I go, OK."
"I just don't want you to make the wrong decision."
"Well, what if I'm making the right one, huh?"
"I just..."
"Dad, you just have to trust me, please."

Later that night, after flying back into New York, JC crept into the hotel suite. He placed his suitcase in the main living area and took his carry-on into the bedroom. He softly turned the lamp up to a hushed dim. A small smile came over his face as he watched Ellie sleep. "Hey, baby."
She jolted awake as he stroked her hair. "What the fuck? SHIT!" She sat for a moment, breathing heavily in shock. "I thought you were a murderer or something."
"It's OK."
"Why didn't you call me to tell me that your plane had gotten in?" She shuffled position, adjusting her pink t-shirt.
"I tried, but you never picked up."
She reached over and brightened the lamp "What the fuck were you doing?"
"I was just watching you sleep, that's all," he said as he kicked off his sneakers.
"Do you know how fucking creepy that is?"
"What? Like you don't watch me sleep?"
"Sometimes, yeah, if we're in bed together, but I don't sit on the edge of the bed fully clothed."
He pulled his shirt over his head. "Do you want me to get naked?"
"I'm still on my period."
"Ah, shucks, darn it."

He reached down and unzipped the bag. "I got you something. I saw this and thought about how you said you were missing Linus and how disappointed you were that you can't have him with us until next month." He flung a small, grey tabby kitten plush over the bed.
"Oh, my God, she's so fluffy. Aww, baby." She leaned over the bed and hugged him. "Thank you."
He gently kissed her. "Do you have a problem with the presents I buy you?"
"What? No. You've only gotten me, like, three things."
"You don't think I should be getting you more?"
"No, If anything, it would make things more uncomfortable. Why do you ask?"
He stood up and took off his jeans and socks. "I don't know. I saw this woman in the airport in Orlando decked out in Chanel. Like decked out-everything had a logo. And I was just thinking about the kind of shit I would have to pay for for some of the other women I've dated. I'm just surprised you haven't asked for a complete wardrobe overhaul."
"I like the way I dress. Most of it's your stuff anyway," she said with a chuckle.
He climbed into bed next to her. "I know, but don't you want a fancier engagement ring or something?"
"Well, I can just get a fancier wedding ring, can't I? I don't like the idea of you paying for all of these material things for me. Besides the fact that you're paying for the hotel and the apartment, I feel like it just highlights the, I don't know, pay gap or something." She snuggled down next to him. "Did you talk to your parents?"
"Only my dad. He thinks I might be too irresponsible to get married yet. I wasn't able to stick around long enough to talk to my mom."

Ellie sat for a moment in silence. "Do you agree with him?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"You don't honestly think that?"
JC leaned his head on his fist. "Well, think of it this way; if we had a baby tomorrow, would you want to bring it home to a hotel room?"
"That's different. You usually have nine months to prepare for a baby. I don't have a shred of doubt that we would be able to find a permanent home before a baby came, the very thing we're in the process of doing, may I add. Nor do I think that you would be stupid enough to not at least get a crib or something."
"He says that I don't have my life together."
"Well, I don't either. I live out of a suitcase and my only dependant is currently living with my boss."
"What if he's right? What if I don't have my shit together and our relationship is only making it worse?"
"What if our relationship is you trying to get your shit together?"
"That's actually a really shitty thing, ‘cause if it's like that, then you're the only reason I'm doing anything right, or you're so tied up in the romance that you're allowing me to keep doing everything wrong until you're sick of it."
She let out a dismayed sigh. "Baby, I'm too tired to fight right now. What about all that spiel about not being too concerned with what other people think?"
He laid his head on his arm. "I don't want to fuck up your life..."
"But, you're not." She inched closer to him, grasping his jaw as she kissed him. "You haven't fucked up once."
"But, I will."
"Not at the rate you're going. Just go to sleep. We'll work through it."

Wednesday, July 13th, 2005.
JC sat on the hotel bed, flipping through channels in a pair of black trousers and a white undershirt. Ellie stepped out of the bathroom wearing a black mini dress. "Remember this?"
JC looked over at the little satin number. "Um..."
"It's the dress I wore after the Grammys."
"It looks cute. Where did you get it?"
She sat down at the vanity and started laying out the products and tools she needed to do her makeup. "Macy's, surprisingly enough. It's actually one of the newer formal pieces I own, well if you would call 2003 new, but since most the cocktail dresses I own date back to the sixties, it's new by my standards."
"That's nice."
She turned to him as she finished pinning her hair back into a high bun. "What's wrong? You're usually more talkative."
"Nothing's wrong."
"You're flipping through channels on a muted TV."
He turned off the TV and threw the remote onto the bed. "There, it's off."
"I didn't have a problem with that. It's just worrying to see you sitting there all quiet with your eyes glazed over like that. You're dealing with some stuff and it's bothering me."
"Nothing's bothering me."
"Do you still want to go out? I can call to cancel the reservation."
"Yeah, it's just that..."
She turned back to the mirror and started applying a powder foundation with a large makeup brush. "Do you want to talk about it now, or run the risk of making a scene in the restaurant?"
"Do I ask stupid questions?"
"Everyone does." She softly patted a grey shadow on her eyelid to create a smoky eye look.
"I was thinking about what I said to Dad, about the prenup. I feel stupid implying that he was only worried about that?"
"Just wait a little moment," she said as she delicately traced her eyeliner. "I'm really shit at this."
"At what?"
"Eyeliner." She froze still for a moment, blinking slowly to check if she had done it right. She picked up a tube of mascara and undid the cap. "What about the prenup?"
"I was just thinking if I shouldn't have used that as a justification point or whatever. I know he's been involved with some of my business, but he's just my dad. It's not like he's my manager or lawyer. It's just that everyone in the business is so focused on money that, especially with the lawsuit and everything, I can't help thinking that people will care about that."

He got off the bed and started putting a white dress shirt on. "I don't know. I just feel stupid for making the whole thing about the financial side of things. I feel no better than Lou."
She applied a coat of her usual rose pink lipstick and pressed her lips together. "I wouldn't go that far. It may feel soulless and petty, but you're only doing the mature thing in your situation."
"Are you still OK with it?"
"Yeah, I'm the one who first suggested a prenup. You're not getting the ranch if the sky turned red."
"Would you still sign it, like, definitely?"
"Only if it's fair."

She spritzed herself with two pulses of perfume as he pulled a black suit jacket on. "Do I have to wear a tie?"
"Only if you want to." She put on a pair of black heels and started prepping to leave.
"You're not wearing hard to get into underwear again, are you?"
"It's ninety degrees outside, I'm not wearing pantyhose in this weather. Also, I know I'm getting laid tonight, so I'm wearing nicer panties."
"Oooh."
"Oh, indeed. Little black lace ones." She checked her makeup in the mirror by the hotel door as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Look at us, we're quite the handsome couple, I think."
She glanced into the mirror, watching as he intertwined his fingers with hers, softly kissing her neck before he met her eyes in the reflection. "Why did you fall in love with me?"
"I couldn't stop myself fast enough."
"Would you have? If you could've?"
"Never. You swept me off my feet."
"I think the guy's supposed to do that, not the girl." She turned her head, his lips hovering over hers.
"I'm not sure we're doing anything we're supposed to."
"I love you," she mouthed the words in a barely audible whisper as she reached up to kiss him.
He turned her towards him. "Are you sure you want to go out still?"
"I need to eat."

Just after eight, they sat across from each other at the small dining table in the middle of the restaurant. Ellie took a small sip of white wine, before she placed the glass back on the white tablecloth. "Do you still want to come with me next week to L.A.? I got my assignment for the next issue. Maurice lined up an interview with a costume designer who did some pieces for Freddie Mercury and Blondie in the ‘80s. I was thinking, after I'm done, we could take a drive down the coast or something. Just a little day trip out of the city."
"What kind of wedding do you want?" JC undid and redid the button on his left sleeve.
"I'm not sure. I never thought I was actually getting married until recently...I'm still not completely sure I am."
"Do you still want a beach wedding?"
"Do you want a beach wedding? Are you OK getting sand in your suit?"
"I don't know. I just think we have to figure these things out soon."
"Yeah, soon. Not now. Let's just have a fun night and we'll discuss it later. How did your meeting with Eric go?"
"Well." JC straightened himself in his chair. "He said that I have three options as far as record labels go. The first option would be to form my own label and go completely independent, meaning we would have to handle most of the stuff ourselves. We would have to organise promotion and distribution in house, as well as fund everything, but I would get full creative control. The second option would be to form my own print label with another label taking on the role for distribution and such. My third option, the safest, but coincidently, the option Eric doesn't want to choose, would be to find a label, preferably a big and established one, that will sign me. The problem with that route is, I risk getting into the same bind I was in with Jive, with or without the situation with Justin and Johnny. Eric doesn't want me to go in that direction."
Ellie tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you feel like doing?"
"I've got a friend who's interested. His label's roster has a few different clients: a few rappers, few singer/songwriter types. It's more of a passion project for him. He'll give me full creative control if I'm willing to pay for the studio time and stuff. He has a team that will deal with marketing, etc. It's not, say Capitol Records, but I'll be able to do my stuff without anyone interjecting."
"Is that what you want?"
"Maybe? I was kinda hoping that once we get settled into the apartment, maybe I can start recording again. I've got a few ideas I want to try out. It'll be nice instead of sitting around all day watching TV."
"I'm assuming that you won't be dumb enough to sign a contract solely so you can start recording." Ellie delicately took another sip of wine.
He readjusted his collar, trying to flatten it. "Pff, no. I just want to make music again. I've sent myself so many voicemails, my message bank is full."
"I could get you a dictaphone for your birthday. I got a good deal on one recently."
"That would be the nerdiest birthday present ever...well, second nerdiest one I've ever received, after the lightsaber Chris got me that one year in Europe."
"Mmmm, no." Ellie shook her head, placed her wine glass down. "I got a typewriter for my 10th birthday. With the exception of that one boy whose dad had a matrix printer, I was the only kid in the fifth grade who handed in typed assignments."
"Really?" He rested his chin in his hand, elbow on the table.
"Yeah, a blue and white Petite 500. I felt so fancy." Ellie slid her hands across the tabletop, making a tight lipped but ironic smile.

He took his arm off the table, staring at her. "Wait..."
She looked up from fidgeting with the napkin on her lap. "What?"
"It's just..." He reached over the table. "You've got a little something..." With a single finger, he lightly tapped her on the nose.
She smiled, giving off a short exhale. "You're such a fucking doofus."
"I know."

After dinner, JC pulled Ellie in for a kiss just as they left the restaurant, unable to spend another moment apart from her. "Just wait until we get back to the room."
"Are you going to make love to me?" she whispered, unable to stop herself from giggling.
"I'm going to love your fucking brains out."
She pulled on his hand. "Let's walk back to the hotel. It's only a few blocks."
"Do we have to?"
"If you want to be a true New Yorker, you need to get used to walking everywhere. Anyway, I know a shortcut."

After a few blocks, she led him across a crosswalk to a small, fenced park: the centrepiece of which was a three-tiered stone fountain. She stepped up onto the edge of the fountain as he wrapped his arms around her legs. She leaned down to kiss him. "What's the most romantic thing you can think of saying right now?"
"You look really beautiful in that dress."
"Thank you."
"I'm only saying it to get into your pants." He playfully squeezed his arms around her thighs.
"Have you always been this charming?"
"Maybe?"

She softly kissed him again, running her fingers through his hair. "How do you want to get married?"
"I don't know. I'm a guy. I never really thought about it."
"You must have at one point."
"Get down from there." He carefully lifted her and placed her back on the ground, returning to the previous subject. "Not really."
They started walking around the fountain and onwards to the hotel, Ellie snuggling herself underneath JC's arm. "OK then, what does a Mennonite wedding entail?"
"A lot of religious formality. I'm not sure you want to know."
"No, tell me."
"OK, well traditionally, implying both the bride and groom are of the faith, they sit down with both sets of parents and come to an agreement over the formalities of the marriage. If an agreement can be set, the couple usually marry in a small, simple ceremony at her parents' home, then there's a reception with cake but no alcohol or dancing."
"Are you OK with that?"
"No, there's a few things I need to tell you. If we choose to marry in my faith, both of our parents need to give consent, otherwise an elder won't perform the rite. That's kind of why I want my folks to be OK with us getting married. It's a big issue that you respect your elders in my faith, and if my folks don't consent to the marriage, they have the power to prevent us from marrying in the faith."
"Are you sure you mean consent?"
"In religious terms, yes."
"What if you go against their wishes?"
"At the worst, I could be excommunicated from my family and the church."
"Is that something you want to avoid?"
"There's another thing. I risk excommunication if I marry someone outside my faith."
She stopped and turned to face him. "You don't just mean another religious sect, you also mean all other Christian denominations, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"Including Presbyterianism?"
"Yeah."
"We're fucked. Is there anyway around it?"
"Yes, either conversion or we just don't do it that way."
"It doesn't matter to you?"
He started walking again. "What does it matter anyway? Neither of us go to church regularly." He tucked his hands into his pockets.
"Were you able to resolve things with your dad?"
"I don't know. I'm hoping that if we don't rush into it, he might come around eventually."

Ellie was quiet for most of the way home. She took her shoes off immediately as they entered the hotel room and walked past JC to go into the bedroom to unpin her hair.

"Fuck," she said as she threw her hair tie onto the vanity, "I'm fucking getting sick of this. Every time we talk about this fucking wedding, we talk about the boring adult stuff like prenups or what your parents think. We never talk about any of the fun stuff. What happened to all of those things that we talked about after you first proposed, huh?"
He entered the room and took off his jacket, shirt and undershirt before he slid behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist again. "Do you still want to get married?"
"Yes. I love you. I want to marry you. It's just that I thought that we would be more excited about it."
He brushed her hair over her left shoulder to bare her right, tenderly kissing her. "We are excited; we're excited about moving out of this hotel room and into our own place. We're excited about bringing Linus home and the three of us becoming a little family together. We're excited about the fact that one day we're going to be husband and wife and we're going to have babies and stuff. We've just got some other things to deal with first, then we'll do all the other stuff. We're just not ready yet."
She looked back at him through the vanity's mirror. "What if we're never ready?"
"I don't know. Can we please...no."
"What?"
He slowly ran his hand over the curve of her waist. "I'm a little bit drunk. I'm not really in the mood to sit and figure all of this out right now. I was under the impression that we were coming home to..."
She sighed in frustration. "Baby, I wanted to do that, too. But we need to at least come to a basic understanding of how we're going to do this."
"Well, how about this? When we're ready, we go to City Hall or something and have the ceremony there, then that night we have a black tie cocktail party reception."
"What about my parents? This is maybe their only opportunity to see me get married."
"We'll ask close family to come with us for the ceremony."
"I'm not sure."
"It's only a very basic idea of how we could do things." He gently gathered her dress and pulled it upwards, baring her panties. "I was thinking that after the party, we could find somewhere a little private and..."
"And?"
He slowly slipped his hand across the trim of her panties, slowly reaching down underneath the band, running his fingertips along the lips of her pussy. "Well, you're supposed to fuck on your wedding night, aren't you?"
"Yes." She groaned as he teased her. "Consummation is a vital element at the start of a marriage. So important, in fact, that I think it might be a good idea if we practice it, for when we have to do it, so we get it perfect on the first go. We'll only have one chance at it."
"Maybe we should start practicing now."
"That might be one of your more brilliant ideas, yet." She turned around and ran her fingers over his chest. "Smart and beautiful."

He deeply kissed her, scooping her into his arms and throwing her across the bed, climbing on top of her to straddle her. He unzipped her dress and slid it up over her head, throwing it onto the floor before he undid her bra, sliding it off her as he took her left nipple into his mouth, biting down on the sensitive and soft, pink peak. He got off the bed as he slid her panties down her legs and ankles, dropping them to the floor as he undid his belt.

"Holy shit," she whispered as he took his pants off to reveal his hardened penis. He took a condom off the nightstand and tore the package open, rolling it down the head and shaft of his cock, climbing on top of her again, spreading her legs before he entered her. She gasped when he found her clit with his thumb and started rubbing as he, at first, gently started thrusting into her.

"Jesus Christ." She groaned as her sides and the muscles in her pelvis started to tighten. She reached up and grabbed the edge of the mattress, whispering, "Fuck me, Daddy," in a barely audible moan.

She tightened her thighs around his waist, letting out a cry as she came. She reached up and dislodged his hand, pulling his arm, asking him to meet her face-to-face. He repositioned himself, kissing her as he intertwined his fingers in hers, holding them above her head. He bit her shoulder as he upped his momentum.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of the reflection in the mirror, of her legs wrapped around his ass as he pounded into her. That can't be me, she thought to herself in a state of near disbelief. The old her would never have sex like this, would never be in love or engaged. She felt a pang in her gut.

"I love you," she softly whispered in his ear. She was taken by surprise when he kissed her, a single tear running down her cheek as he stopped. She wrapped her arms around him as she knew he had come.

"I love you, too," he whispered in belated response.
"I'm very lucky to have you."
"What?" He turned her face to look her in the eyes. "Are you crying?"
"I'm just so happy."
"Why?"
"You saved me."
"From what?" He turned them over to their sides. "Please don't tell me you were suicidal whilst I'm still in you. I will take you to the hospital if I have to."
"No, like spinsterhood or something. I was someone very different this time last year, and you came in and changed everything."
"Are you trying to suggest that me, Joshua the fuck-up, somehow managed to change your life for the better?"
"Well, Joshua is Hebrew for saviour."
"Joshua's also a name that's been popular for around fifty years or so." He ran his fingertips along her thigh. "Why do you feel that?"
"I don't know, I just do."
"I don't deserve you."
"What? And I deserve you? You're this incredibly sexy man who's sweet and funny and I'm just some bitch who wasn't good enough to keep a piece of shit faithful."
"You've kept me faithful."
"Not one?"
"Not one, or two or three or whatever. I haven't been with another woman but you since I broke up with Eva."
"Why?" She untangled them and crawled under the covers.
"You know when you realise you hate somebody and their voice starts sounding like a chainsaw, or at least as vicious as a chainsaw?" He got up off the bed and disposed of the condom into a waste basket in the bathroom. He returned to the bedroom and got into the bed with her. "Well, a few weeks before the Grammys, we went to Mexico for a vacation or something. She, of course, tipped the paparazzi off beforehand. So she's there in all of these obviously expensive clothes with this $7000 luggage, flashing all of these new riches, including a new pair of tits, demanding that I pay for everything. We got into a huge argument because one night I dared to suggest that maybe, since she was earning so much an episode, she could pay for dinner just for one night. She basically said that I didn't love her and that real gentlemen pay for everything. When we got back to L.A., she went off with some other guy and I started ignoring her calls. She eventually stopped calling altogether." He traced around her fingers. "I was really fucking pissed at myself for getting myself into that situation. Despite this, I got really excited when Eric told me that Clefnotes wanted to do a follow-up interview."
"No, you didn't."
"No, I did. I was all like 'oh my god, Ellie?' when he told me that someone had called to schedule the interview. You were just this little ray of sunshine last September. I couldn't wait to see you again. I was so bummed out when he said it would most likely be a phone interview. I never would've thought you were depressed or lonely until Craig told me he thought you were back in April. I honestly thought you were surrounded by people who loved you."
"Yeah, but I wasn't in love."
"Being in love is different than having someone who truly loves you."

She snuggled into his chest, turning him onto his back. "What's the difference?"

"I don't know."

"How am I different from Eva?"

He softly ran his fingers through her hair. "A lot of girls just see me as the list of perks they receive by dating me. You were kind of like ‘Hey, this guy's a person. I'd like to get to know him a little better.'"

"Why did you fall in love with me? I mean really, not some poetic line about falling in love. Why do you love me?"

He thought for a moment. "I fell in love with you because I think you wanted to fall in love with me. Not me as in JC Chasez though, not this fantasy about falling in love with someone from *NSYNC, well someone formerly of *NSYNC. None of that fake, bullshit, bravado crap. Just me, Josh. Ever since I told you my name, you've only called me Josh except if it was to bother me."

"I don't feel like JC belongs to me. I feel like he's some property that was created by Disney, then passed on to *NSYNC, then to Jive and your fans. He's not who I come home to. I come home to Josh."

"That's the thing. You've managed to do something not even I could do. You've not only managed to separate JC from Josh, or at least instantaneously recognise that there is a difference, but you've also created a place where Josh can exist without being overshadowed by JC. No one was able to do that, not even me. I could only do that if I was completely by myself. Even the relationship I have with my parents is poisoned by it. Everything with everybody flows back to my career. Except, for some reason, you. Maybe it's because you only see Josh. Maybe it's because I now feel so comfortable around you that I can only be Josh."

She mumbled into his chest. "You know, we sound like a bad, romance novel lead couple. You've saved me, and I've taught you how to be yourself again."

"When you think about it, we actually have a rather toxic, codependent relationship...Ow."

She rose up to her elbows. "I'm the sweet Southern belle who taught the rockstar how to love again."

"Baby, your elbows are digging into me."

Chapter 14 - Question and Answers.

Friendspace Video Q&A transcript: taken from 'Top 13 Fan Questions'
jcfanganza.fake Dated: July 25th, 2005
[JC sits in front of a desk with a computer and an electronic keyboard. He is wearing a grey v-neck and jeans]

JC: Hey. [waves hand] Um, so some really big stuff has been going down, and you guys have kind of been wanting some clear answers, so I thought it might be a good idea to ask you guys if you had anything you would like to know. Um...[reads sheet of paper] I know I said I was going to answer maybe ten or so questions, but you guys had a lot of questions, man. [laughs] There definitely are some that stick out, some that a lot of you asked. So... [looks back down at paper] I'm probably going to answer around maybe twelve or thirteen.

JC: So question one: AussieJCFan86 asks, 'I saw you in Sydney back in March. I was wondering if there was any fun or memorable experiences you had during your tour earlier this year?' Well, I was dumped over the phone whilst naked in Tokyo. [laughs] Nah, I'm just kidding. I just kind of remember it being really nice, not only getting to see all of you guys but also the weather, really the city in general was really nice.

[JC shifts his weight in the chair, looks back down at paper.]

JC: Question number two: Tally asks, 'Do you still love the smell of freshly washed laundry?' [looks directly into camera with a confused look] Um...Doesn't everyone? [shrugs and laughs.]

Southern female voice offscreen: What?

[JC looks off camera to screen left.] JC: I used to hide in the laundry when I was a kid.

Southern female voice: Stop being so adorable.

JC: No, you stop being so adorable. [Makes the cutest face EVER! Looks back down at paper.] What are we up to?

Southern female voice: Number three.

JC: OK, number three. This one came up a few times, 'Did you have a good 4th of July?' Yeah, I spent it down in Baton Rouge with some friends. Someone I know down there does a big shindig every year and I kind of just ended up there.

Southern female voice: You mean my dad and Grandma Jean?

JC: Yeah.

Southern female voice: OK. [It is revealed that the Southern female voice is a girl named Ellie.]

JC: Ellie here wants you to know that I spent the 4th down South with her family.

Ellie: I don't mean that.

[JC gets out of his seat and pulls Ellie into shot. She is wearing a yellow tank top and denim shorts, hair in a very messy bun.]

JC: Say hi to the audience.

Ellie: [waves] Hi. [immediately walks off camera.]
[JC settles back down into his seat.]

JC: OK, question four: Huskymommy9 asks, 'Do you have any pets?' Ellie has a cat named Linus...I don't really have any of my own though.

JC: Question five is a little more interesting. Latisha412 asks, 'Are you writing anything right now? If so, out of all of the instruments you write on, what instrument are you mostly composing on right now?' Um, I am working on some ideas, but I'm kind of writing more lyrics right now. I mean, now I'm back in L.A., I can lay down more instrumental stuff, but I'm actually coming up with ideas through lyrics and such.

This leads to question six. Trust me, this one came up a lot. 'Do you have any plans to release new music?' Not right now. Maybe in the next year or so, but I haven't got anything ready to put out there yet.

Question seven: I got a lot of questions asking why I left Jive and what my plans are in terms of a recording deal. The truth is that I left Jive because I didn't feel like they were the best label for me anymore. [pauses in thought, rubs chin] A lot of weird things went down, and they just kept on giving me the shitty end of the stick, pardon my language. When you establish a relationship with a label, fair or not, you expect a certain level of support. Unfortunately, I wasn't given that, plain and simple. You expect certain business relationships to have a level of neutrality and frankly Jive didn't demonstrate that. As a musician, your relationship with your label is kind of like your relationship with your family. If it's toxic or difficult, due to, say conflict of interest or poor treatment, it will crush you, blocking your ability to grow and create properly. [Pauses] I don't know. I just feel that it was time to move on. [shrugs] As for finding a new deal, I'm kind of just weighing up my options right now.

[JC turns around in his chair, bends down, picks up paper.]

JC: Question eight: 'Why are you spending so much time in New York?' I kind of just needed the change of scenery.

Question nine: 'Are you planning on moving to New York?' For the time being, yes. I like it there. I'm still kind of in that transitional period, but it's cool.

JC: Question ten: 'What was the last thing you cooked?' I made some toast this morning. Does that count? [laughs]

Ellie: No.

JC: I don't remember the last thing I cooked.

Ellie: You ruined those pancakes back in May.

[JC puts the paper on his lap, glares off camera.]

Ellie: Fine, I'll shut up.

JC: Question eleven: 'Any sure fire cold remedies?' Tea and bed rest. Um...

Question twelve: 'What are you currently reading?' The new Harry Potter.

Question thirteen: 'Are you currently single?'

[JC turns his chairs towards camera left.] JC: Do you want to come tell them, or should I?

Ellie: It was your idea.

[JC gets out of his seat and pulls Ellie back into frame. He sits back down with her on his lap.]

JC: So...um, as I said before, this is Ellie. [They look into each other's eyes.] Um...we're engaged.

Male voice yells from behind the camera: WHAT? AND WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING EVERYONE ELSE? Fuck this shit. [Man (editor: Carlos, JC's personal assistant) walks in front of camera and turns it off.]

Sunday, July 24th, 2005.
JC followed Carlos up the stairs and into the kitchen. "Hey man, come on." He found Carlos gathering his things off the kitchen counter.
"Don't you 'hey man' me." Carlos stabbed his finger at JC's chest. "I've stuck by you through so much...I just...I don't fucking know, I'm just so pissed right now." Carlos ran his fingers through his hair and turned around. "Did she put you up to this?"
"No. I asked her. Everything's my fault," JC said jokingly.
"Are you joking? If this is some kind of fucking prank..."
"It's not, OK? It's just funny ‘cause you like everything to be in order and neat and you hate surprises. You're freaking out as much as I thought you would. We were going to tell you as soon as we could, but you've been visiting your family in Arizona for the last few weeks, and I didn't want to ruin your vacation by giving you something else to stress over."
Carlos lightly punched JC in a brotherly manner. "Fucking turd."
"Ow." JC reciprocated. "Buttwipe."
"When are you going to tell the others?"
"Soon."

Carlos leaned against the counter. "What if..."
"What?"
"Well, what if, you know." Carlos gestured his head to his right. "The 'cuddle buddies' thing."
"You know that she's not like that."
"You don't know that, man."
"I don't think anyone could fake being as emotionally sensitive as she is. They'd constantly burn out."
"I don't know...What if she's not the right one? What if she's not worth it?"
JC grabbed Carlos by the shoulders. "Look, man. I love her. I mean it."
"But..."
"Carlos...I love her. She's worth it. She's completely worth it. Even if it all blows up in my face, right now, what she means to me right now is worth it."

JC went back down the stairs after Carlos had left for the day. He found Ellie crying in the seat he had left her in. "You OK?"
"Oh my God, sorry. I just..." She wiped the tears from her eyes.
"What's wrong?" He leaned on the desk.
"I just..."
"You're getting sick of every reaction being a negative reaction?"
"Well...yeah."
"That's just Carlos. He never takes surprises well. When we start telling more people, then we'll start getting more positive reactions. You're parents were ecstatic when I asked them."
"No, they just want to see me married."
He knelt down beside her. "Not to the wrong man, I don't think. They wouldn't be so happy if they didn't like me."
She sniffed. "OK, you're probably right."
He wrapped his arm around her. "Anyway, we know that they have their reservations. They just trust that you're not going to fuck things up like my parents think I'm going to." He lightly kissed her on the top of her head and stood up. "We're finished for the day. Do you still want to take that drive down the coast? There's somewhere I want to show you."

Over the next two hours, they drove south with the top down. Ellie watched the sun go down as the car sped past the ocean. "This is so beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen it go down without anything in the way before. At least, nothing for a long time."
"You haven't seen it go down over the Gulf of Mexico?"
"I probably have. I just don't remember it." She turned to face him. "Where are we going, anyway?"
"There's a place down here I think you'd like."
"It's getting rather late. We've already been on the road for a couple of hours already. Are you sure you'd be OK driving back? I would, but fear I'd get us lost."
He made a little smile. "Do you want to know a secret? I've packed an overnight bag for the two of us. It's in the trunk."
"No! You didn't!...Oh God, another hotel."
"Nah, this place is different. It's a golf resort."
"Um...baby. Do I need to remind you that neither of us play golf?"
"I know. It's not just a golf resort. Well, it's mostly known for it's course, but it holds other events as well."
"Are we going there for something? Some event or something?"
"Just to have a look around. That's all."

A buzzing came from the centre console. "Who's that?"
Ellie picked up JC's phone and checked the message. "Lance wants to know if we want to come over for dinner tomorrow night."
"Do you want to?"
"Sure." Ellie tapped out a response message. "Are you sure you're OK with me checking your phone?"
"I'm driving. It's just one message."

After checking in, the two of them walked down a gravel path through the golf course. They came to a stop at the rotunda by the third green: a large white dome situated on six roman columns.
"What do you think?" JC wrapped an arm around one of the columns. "Most of the trees around here are magnolias and willows."
Ellie leaned back on the cast iron fence around the base. "It's nice."
"You don't like it?"
"I like it. It's just that gazebos or whatever are a dime a dozen in the South. Everyone who has an ornamental garden seems to have one."
"Oh, OK." JC pressed his thumbs into the iron bar Ellie was sitting on. "I just thought it was nice, being next to the water and stuff."
Ellie looked behind her to see the kidney-shaped water hazard stretching out over the one hundred square feet in front of them. She finally caught on to his idea. "Oh, shit! You're suggesting this as a venue."
"Nah, it's OK. You obviously have other ideas."
She thought for a moment. "Is it this particular place, or are you just suggesting the look of it? ‘Cause there's like fifty places I can suggest in Baton Rouge that look the exact same way."
"I don't know."
"What's wrong?"
He let out a long sigh. "You just keep stressing about the planning, and I thought if I at least made a suggestion, you would ease up a bit."
"You really have your heart set on the gazebo, don't you?"
"OK, firstly, it's a rotunda. It's round, not octagonal. Secondly...oh, God, I feel like I might be alienating my family if we get married in your hometown. They already feel removed from the situation. I don't want to cause more friction by...I don't know."
"And what about my family? Your parents have other kids, my parents only have me. I already feel like I'm letting them down by not wanting a big wedding with the full congregation present, let alone even nursing the idea that I might want to get married somewhere other than home."
"But that's just it," he snapped at her. "That's your home. What about my home?"
"Well, what about New York or D.C.?"
"What about fucking here?!"
"I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED ON A FUCKING GOLF COURSE!" She tried to calm her breathing as she returned to her normal tone. "If you can find me a place with..." She made a circular motion with her hands. "All of this shit in L.A. that isn't on a golf course, I'd be fine with getting married here if that is really what you want. But, not right here. It's pretty, it's probably a lot more pretty in April, too, but...I don't want to get married somewhere..." She tried to find the right words. "With so little history or character or something. You know that it was probably built especially so people could get married here. It's no different than one of those chapels in Vegas."
"Well, do you have any better ideas?"
"I don't know."
JC grunted in disgust and started back to the room. "Just fuck it. Fuck this. Fuck everything."
Ellie let out a long exhale as she watched him. "Motherfucker."

A tense air had fallen over the suite as they laid in bed. He was in his usual position, reading, in a pair of pyjama pants. She was turned away from him in a simple white nightgown, watching the curtain ruffle in the night breeze. She let out a hopeless sigh. "I'm sorry about the rotunda thing. I should of treated your suggestion with more delicacy."
He closed his book, using his pointer finger as a makeshift bookmark. "It's OK. I got kind of pissed off because you seem to have all of these ideas of what you don't want, but you refuse to even suggest anything you do."
"Would you mind me asking why you suggested here?" She repositioned herself until she was sitting, facing him.
"Promise you won't laugh at me?"
She shook her head.
"When I was little, back when I was still with my mom, she used to take me to a park near her work." He placed the book next to him on the nightstand. "There was this old bandstand there, a wooden...I don't know, thing, painted white. I remember her taking me there on Christmas Eve one year after her shift. I suppose the Salvation Army was playing Christmas carols there or something. I guess, as a kid, I always thought that it had some kind of majesty to it, like that this is what castles must be like or something. I went back there in '98, to see if it was still there. Turns out it had burned down in '84 or something."
She shuffled up next to him. "Baby," she murmured.
"I came here a few years ago when a friend got married. I don't know why, but it kind of reminded me of that place back home. It was probably all the Christmas lights they put everywhere."
"I'm so sorry. If I had known, I wouldn't have been such a bitch about it."
"It's OK, it's not your fault...unless you were, at some point, a six year old arsonist."
"You know I wouldn't do that!"
"I reckon you could," he commented in jest, "if someone pissed you off enough."
She gasped in a playful, Cajun tone. "Well, I'm just all offended now. I must tell Daddy at once to withdraw his permission for my hand." She snickered as she kissed him.

"Baby?" she asked after a pause. "Can I admit something to you? Promise you won't think it's selfish or anything."
"Why are you talking like Scarlett O'Hara?"
"'Cause I'm from fucking Louisiana, you shit. Once I get started in this dialect, it takes me a while to get out of it. Anyway speaking of Louisiana, I didn't want to suggest this because I knew that either you or your parents might have a problem with it." She reeled back into a sitting position. "I was thinking about what you said about the Mennonite weddings, how they're traditionally held at the bride's parents' house."
"OK..?" His eyes widened. "Oh...I'm guessing you want to take advantage of that specific tradition."
"Well, yeah."
"Do you want to come out and say it, or do you want me to say it for you?"
"Um...if you don't mind, I was thinking maybe we could have the ceremony down South, preferably at my parents' place. It gets really pretty in April right when everything comes into bloom. I can ask my mom if she has any photos to show you."
"How long have you wanted this?"
"I'm not sure, but possibly I might have always wanted this. It's my home."
"What about that beach wedding you got so shitty about not being able to have?"
"I don't know...I'm just not sure if I want that anymore. I'm not sure it would suit you either. Anyway, if you can change your mind about getting married, I can change my mind about wanting a beach wedding."
"I don't think it's the same thing. But if that's what you want, we'll look into it."

"Wait..." She got off the bed and started digging through her purse. "I don't know if it's bad luck to show you this, but everything's been so hectic, I keep forgetting about it." She got back on the bed and gave him a folded up magazine page.
"Oh...wow." He opened it to find an image of a brunette woman in a strapless bridal gown, an ivory dress with an a-line silhouette covered in lace.
"I tore it out of one of the wedding magazines at the dentist's office. I don't want to show Mom ‘cause she still thinks that I want to wear her dress and I'm scared to show Claire ‘cause I think she might get the wrong idea about me maybe trying to tell her to decide on a different dress. I know it's sounds stupid, but stranger things have happened." She stopped talking after she saw the gentle but surprised look on his face. "You don't think it's bad luck, do you?"
He traced a crease down the page, following the flow of the gown's skirt. "I'm getting married," he whispered.
"What?"
"It's just that...we're getting married. It feels so much more real now. This is actually happening. It's not just something that we're perhaps going to do one day. We're most likely definitely getting married."
"It's scary, huh?"
He pulled her close to him. "Yeah, but in a good way. I'm excited for this."
"You don't feel like you're only doing it because you have to?"
"Do you feel that way?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Why?" He intertwined his fingers with hers.
"I don't think I'm supposed to marry a boy like you. I'm supposed to marry an engineer or something who's from Lafayette and went to Louisiana State. Who drives an American truck and hates Alabama State and lives off of sweet tea and grits. Not some boy who's from up North who sings and dances for a living and drives a German car. Oh, well. That's the risk I took moving up to New York." She snuggled into him. "What kind of girl do you think you were supposed to marry?"
"Someone like Britney Spears, I suppose. A girl who's really cute and funny. I guess she would have to be very smart and have a job she's great at, that she loves. A girl next door who comes from a good family with good morals and the right beliefs."
"Wait...Britney's all that? Then why didn't you just marry her?"
"She's like my baby sister."
"Everyone's like your baby sister." She got up to face him.
"Not everyone."

He slowly slid the strap of her nightie down her shoulder. He pushed her hair back and traced the curve of her shoulder. He pulled the lace trim on the front down in an attempt to expose her breast.
"Oh, God." Ellie pulled the other strap down and pulled the front down enough to flash her nipples. "Sometimes I'm really amazed that we've fucked when you sometimes seem to struggle to get passed third base."
He slid his hand into the nightie, cupping her breast, and kissed her. "If I get to third base, I get to touch, not just see."
She groped him through his pants. "That's third base. Third base is hand on crotch, second base...wait?"
"Second base is boob seeing, third base is boob touching."
"What the fuck did they teach you at Disney?"
"First base is kissing-"
"First base is hand holding, second base is kissing. Third base is when I touch your junk."
"Well, girls are different. First base is kissing, second base is when you...no, it's...second is her either letting you see them, or touching them over over clothing. Third base is when you get to touch her underneath her bra."
"Then that would make home when you get to touch her junk. Home's supposed to be sex."
"No, going all the way is sex."
"Yeah, and going all the way is home." She placed the folded up magazine page on top of his book on the nightstand. "This all sounds very high school."
"Yeah, I've got quite the hard-on."
She laughed. "You can say 'erection.'"

She slid her hand underneath his waistband, softly running her fingers along the shaft of his cock. "Well, since you've got such a hard-on, what do you want me to do about it?"
"What would you usually do in this situation?"
"Well..." She pulled down his waistband and wrapped her fingers around his cock, running them up and down his length. "Depending on whether or not we're likely to get caught, I could either give you a hand job..." She leaned closer to whisper in his ear, "...Or I could be a little naughtier and suck your cock."

She sat up and bundled her hair behind her head. She leaned down and took him into her mouth. They moaned in unison as she deep-throated him. He softly pulled her hair away from her face, licking his lips as he watched her take as much as she could of him.
"What if I can guarantee we won't get caught?"
She slowly withdrew him from her mouth, sliding her hands up and down his wet cock. "I'll let you fuck me."

He repositioned himself until he was behind her, guiding her forward. He lifted her nightgown up, pulling her light pink panties down to reveal her ass and pussy. He took his throbbing cock and ran the tip along her, spreading her wetness. With a quick push, he was inside of her. She let off a cry as he fucked her. Their hands met as they both reached down underneath her, and she placed her hand on top of his as he pleasured her. She collapsed into the mattress, letting out a long whimper as his momentum quickened, his force hardening. "Baby."

She came as he did, shuddering as he rammed a few final thrusts into her, his cum dripping out of her as he withdrew. She collapsed completely onto the bed, her breathing laboured as he settled down beside her. "Fuck." She pulled her panties up from around her knees and cuddled into him, running her fingers through his chest hair. "You're all sweaty."
He pushed her hair away from her face. "I love you when you're like this. You're so fucking sexy sometimes. You smell amazing."
She took in a deep breath. "I don't think that's just me. I think that's a combination of the two of us."
"Kiss me."

She leaned up to grant his request, trying to kiss him as hard as she could in between breaths. She smiled as he drew away from her lips, a flush of hot air coming between them. She lightly kissed him again before she snuggled down into his chest. "This might be my favourite place in the whole world."
"What? Here?"
"No, you. Just laying here like this with you. I wish we could sleep like this."

He delicately ran his fingers along her arm. "You know, I really do love you. I was scared before, that we were just saying it because we felt like we had to. Not that I didn't mean it. But now I feel like we really do love each other. I'm not scared that we're not going to make it. At least not as much."
"That's the endorphins talking."
"No, I really think we can make it."
"Tell me that with a straight face next time we're in an argument, and I'll believe you."
His tone took on a somber weight. "You don't believe me?"
She traced a spiral in the hair on his abdomen. "It's not that. It's just that we're in that post-coital glow. Next time you're frustrated at me or whatever, you might think differently."
"Do you think that I might one day become angry enough at you that I'd dump you?"
"Maybe."
"You know I won't do that, right?"
She looked up at him. "I'm not sure. You've just come, you probably feel like you could take on a train right now and win." She curled her legs up over his, changing the subject. "When is Carlos supposed to post that video?"
"It's supposed to go live at midnight."
"Do you still think it will?"
"Maybe, he does have the keys to my house." He softly took her hand into his. "Do you want to get something to eat?"
"Yeah."

Monday, July 25th, 2005.
Maurice started his morning the way he always did. He woke up three minutes before Craig's 6:00am alarm, pushed Linus off of his chest, and kissed his husband awake just as the alarm sounded.
"Morning, beautiful." He got out of bed and had his morning shower, dressing as Craig finally reluctantly got up and got dressed for his morning run. He fed the cats and made his coffee and a bagel with low-fat cream cheese and sat at his computer to check his emails and the morning headlines.

"JC Chasez announces engagement."
Peephole Magazine, Online Edition. Posted: July 25th, 2005.
Former *NSYNC hunk JC Chasez announced his engagement to journalist Elizabeth Argyle this morning in a video on his Friendspace page. Peephole can exclusively confirm that the two met on the video shoot for his two-time Grammy-winning single, 'Dear Goodbye.'

Ellie, as she prefers to be called, hails from Baton Rouge and has a degree in journalism from the Louisiana State University. She is the daughter of Emily Argyle, a thoroughbred breeder who's famous in her own right in the racing world as the owner of Oklahoma Ray, runner up in 1997's Kentucky Derby, and sire of Green Fields, last year's winner of the Louisiana Classic. Her father John is a Vietnam veteran awarded the Distinguished Service Cross after saving three company mates from a truck accident.

No further details are known about the engagement or impending wedding at this time. The two lovebirds and their cat, Linus, share time between Los Angeles and New York, where they are in the process of purchasing a 1.5 million dollar penthouse.

Maurice choked on his coffee as he saw the headline. He clicked the article and scanned the copy. He rushed to the window and opened it, relieved to find Craig stretching at the end of the block.
"CRAIG, CRAIG!"
Craig looked up at him. "WHAT!?"
"THEY'RE ENGAGED! OUR BABY GIRL'S GETTING MARRIED!"
"WHAT?! WHO?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?!"
"ELLIE AND JOSH! THEY'RE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED!"
"WAIT?! ELLIE?! OUR ELLIE?!"
"YEAH!"
Craig stood still for a moment in shock with his hands covering his mouth. He started jumping and let out a long and joyous scream. "I'LL BE UP RIGHT AWAY!"

At around 3:20am, Ellie's phone rang throughout the suite. "Oh, God," she murmured as she stirred awake. "Baby, can you get that?"
JC got out of bed and ran into the table. "Shit." He picked up her phone from next to her purse. "It's Maurice."
"You can answer it."
JC groaned as he flipped it open.
Maurice's voice came over the speaker, followed by Craig screaming, "She picked up!" JC pulled the phone away from his ear and threw it on the bed. Ellie picked it up and tried to quiet the two on the other end.
"Shhhh-shh. We know, we know." She looked up at JC with a wide grin on her face.
"How long...did he just...when?"
"The first of this month."
"Holy shit! Why didn't you tell us?"
"We just wanted to let everyone know gradually. It's not our fault you two didn't pick up on it sooner."
"What on Earth do you mean?"
"I've been wearing the ring to work everyday since I came back from Orlando. You didn't even mention it."
JC crawled back into bed with Ellie. She recounted the story of how JC had given her the ring as a birthday present, then proposed four days afterwards.
For the first time since answering, the other line was quiet. "Uh...OK? Anyhoo, when's the wedding?"
She teared up as she finally told someone their plans. "We're hoping for a spring wedding. Hopefully April the 13th, most likely down in Baton Rouge at my folks' place."
"Oooh, a spring Southern wedding. How lovely!"
JC chuckled. "I was not expecting Maurice to be fawning over the idea."
"Look, Ellie. We need to go, but we are so happy for the two of you."
"How's Linus doing?"
"He's wonderful. He cannot wait for his mommy to get back home."
"OK...bye."
"Bye bye, tell Josh we love him, OK?"
"OK, bye."
"Bye bye...bye."
"Congratulations!" Craig yelled as Maurice hung up. Ellie flipped the phone closed.
"Craig and Maurice want me to tell you that they love you."
"Did he just do the 'bye bye bye' thing again?"
"Yeah." She snuggled down next to him under the covers.
"You really want to have the wedding at your folks' place, don't you?"
"No, I don't care where we get married. I just want to marry you."
"You know that's a lie. If that's really what you want, we'll do it that way."
"With your rotunda/Christmas lights idea though. Get this, we string up all of these lights around the clearing by the tractor shed. We get married during the sunset. Then at nightfall, we turn on all of the lights and have the reception."
"How does that include a rotunda?"
"If it's doable, maybe Daddy and Pa can build something back there. It's the only place I can think of where Mama doesn't graze the horses." She watched as he started to drift back off to sleep. "We'll talk over it another time."

Later that morning, Ellie rung her hair out as she emerged from the surf on the resort's private beach. She adjusted her white, crocheted bikini and went to sit next to JC as he finished a call. "You know, I'm really starting to see the charm of this place now. Who was that?"
JC tucked the phone back into his shorts, pulling his black and white striped polo shirt down his waist. "That was Adam. He says that the real estate lawyer called him to say that the owners are ready to close ahead of schedule on the 3rd of August."
"Cool. Are you sure you don't want to go swimming?" She wrapped a towel around her waist and sat down next to him.
"Nah, I'm fine. Anyway, I think there might be a paparazzo up on that cliff." He gestured up behind her, making sure not to make it look like he was aware of the photographer's position.
She turned to look. "He might just be a sightseer."
"Would a sightseer have a camera that big?"
"They might be a birdwatcher." She turned around and shrugged.
"You know, I'm suddenly glad we didn't choose this place."

That night Ellie and JC walked down the laneway leading to Lance's house. "Smart, getting a taxi." Ellie motioned to the cab pulling up just outside Lance's gate.
"I know, the parking here's horrible...wait." They stopped and watched the petite blond woman get out of the cab in a hot pink dress carrying a white box.
"Is Autumn friends with Lance?"
"They're friendly, but he's never invited her to dinner before."
They followed behind Autumn just enough to stay hidden, catching the gate, then the front door as she entered the house. They watched in the shadows as the lights came on in the dining room and Isaac jumped out and yelled, "SURPRISE!"
"Too soon, it's just me and the cake."
Isaac started to go back into position as JC emerged into the light. "OK, who the fuck told Lance?"
With that, Lance slammed into JC's chest as he took him into a bear hug. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist throwing the two of you a surprise engagement party. I'm just so happy for you."
JC pushed a now crying Lance away from him. "How long were you planning this?"
"Since yesterday, I needed to give Joey and Chris enough time to fly in from Florida."
"Yeah, we even got you a banner." Chris pointed up at the bare wall above the bar. "Joey, where's the 'Congratulations' banner?"
Joey turned around on the spot, bending down. "It's on the floor."
"You had one job, Joey!"
Justin lightly touched Ellie's shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry for all of that shit before."
"If you don't take your hands off me, I'm going to punch you so hard that beak of yours is going to protrude from the back of your head."
"OK, got it."

Chapter 15 - Pride and Prejudice

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004.
Ellie awoke at 4:07 in the morning. It took her a moment to realise that she was in the Los Angeles hotel room she had booked herself into the afternoon before and not in her bed in New York with her cat, Linus. She tossed and turned for around an hour before she continued reading her well worn copy of Pride & Prejudice. "Why can't I meet a man as good as Mr. Darcy?" she wondered to herself.

Just after 7:00, she went downstairs for a bowl of oatmeal in the hotel restaurant, and then went for a hike along the trails behind the hotel, killing off time before her assignment at noon. She went back to her room at 8:30, changed out of her yellow tank top, sneakers and gym shorts, showered and nervously sat on the hotel bed watching TV until she had to leave for the studio lot at 11:00am.

Just after 11:00, she tied her hair back into a bun for the fifth time. "It's OK, Ellie," she said to herself as she tried to steady her nerves, "you're not going to have any more hair if you keep trying to fix it." She smoothed down her white v-neck t-shirt and jeans and took a deep breath as she looked in the mirror. "OK, I know this is your first assignment. Your first interview for your first column, but you need to do this. If you want to progress above copy editor, you need to learn how to interview celebrities. It's not any different from interviewing teachers and science fair winners and...you're not going to throw up..."

She arrived at the studio lot just after 12:00. She anxiously showed the guard her press pass and walked through the gates. She was met by a tall, sandy blond man with a muscular build wearing a polo shirt and khakis. He introduced himself with a handshake.
"Eric Ford, I'm JC's manager."
"Hi. Elizabeth Argyle, Clefnotes Magazine." She paused as she tried to get out the line Maurice had told her to say. "Um...thank you for granting us this interview."
"I'm sorry if JC seems a bit distant this morning. He's a bit jet-lagged and hungover." He placed his hand on her back to guide her to his client's trailer, feeling her tense up. "Whereabouts down South are you from?"
She tried to step away from his reach but couldn't, the set crowded with crewmen and equipment. "Um...Baton...Baton Rouge..."

They came to a stop at the clearing where JC's trailer was. "Well, there he is." A tall man in a black v-neck and jeans stared up at the sky through sunglasses. "JC, you're going to ruin your eyesight if you keep doing that." Eric walked off leaving the two alone.
Fuck, she thought to herself. She fought the instinct to run in the other direction as she approached him. She jumped back as a short, Latino man brushed past her. "Sorry," she squeaked out.
"It's OK," he reassured her with a smile. "I won't bite. Carlos." He extended his hand out.
She shook it. "Is he OK?" she asked, pointing to JC. "He seems a little...off."
"Some shit went down over the weekend. One of those epic highs followed by a hard crash. Don't worry though, he's nothing but professional."

Ellie inched towards the two chairs where JC was sitting. She sat across from him and tried to calm her breathing, becoming mute at her own anxiety and the thought of running her fingers through his thick, long, dark curls. Every time she tried to center her thoughts, her mind would flash images of him fucking her. He's depressed. She tried to force those thoughts out of her head, trying to force herself into a professional mindset as she wondered what his sweat smelled like, what his stubble felt like on her neck, his plump lips kissing her pussy. I'm not fit for this, she thought to herself before she finally squeaked out a greeting after fifteen minutes of silence and impure thoughts.

That evening, JC stopped in front of the hotel's main entrance, reaching over to try to comfort Ellie. She had been sniffling the whole drive back, quietly crying to herself.
"Um...are you going to be OK? Is there anything you want me to do?"
She shook her head. The awkward air in the car was suddenly broken by a huge waves of flashbulbs.
"You didn't tip the paparazzi off, did you?"
"No...how would I have been able to do that anyway? I've been quiet the whole ride back."
"Then, how do they know that I'm here? Huh?"
"Paris Hilton's here. I was supposed to interview her this afternoon, but I stayed on set with you. They must have followed her here, then recognised you." She tried to open her door. He reached over to open the door for her. She took in a large breath as she felt his erection brush against her leg.
"Are you sure you'll be OK?" he whispered as his lips hovered over hers.
No, she thought to herself, kiss me again, take me upstairs and fuck me, ram your giant cock into my cunt...stop, don't think such words. "I'll be OK. Thanks for the ride home."
"Um...have a good night." He lightly touched her thigh before he sat back down in the driver's seat. He turned the car back on as she got out, letting out a long breath through his nose as he wondered to himself what her ass looked like underneath those jeans. "Don't forget your bag." He attentively watched her as she bent back into the vehicle to get her purse, taking note of the small hint of rose pink lace on her bra as he caught one last glimpse of her cleavage.

"Thanks." She closed the door and waited on the steps for him to leave, giving a small wave as he looked at her through the car window. He waved back, watching her as she turned to enter the hotel. He sped off after he saw her enter the elevator, watching her take one more look outside to see if he had left yet. She went upstairs to her room, collapsed onto the bed and violently started crying. Her career was over. She would never be a proper journalist. Her parents had wasted all of that money supporting her through college. Maurice would never give her another chance. She would never be good enough for him. JC was probably turned off by her awkwardness, all of the stupid things she had said.

She bucked her jeans off and took off her bra, going into the bathroom to wash her makeup off as she finally stopped crying. She let her hair down and took an aspirin for the immense headache she had developed. She got back under the covers and stared up at the ceiling. Without noticing, she let her mind wonder back to JC. She smiled as she remembered the small glimpses when she thought she saw that he might be interested in her. The quick but tender moments when she thought that she might have made him smile. The little moments when he would brush his hand against hers, but instead of quickly taking it away, he would hold it there, almost taking as much contentment out of being able to touch her as she did him.

For one final moment, she allowed herself to nurse the idea that she liked him, allowing herself to have a crush on him. She let herself have a short fantasy of spending the rest of her life with him, the beach wedding, the possible children, the epically amazing sex. She slowly reached down into her panties and felt her wetness, gasping as she touched herself. Her mind wandered to how hard he felt, how big he must be. She bit her lip as she imagined how he must feel inside of her, the irresistible pain of him being a little too big for her. She let out a silent cry as she came, a slideshow of images of missed opportunities, of acts they would never commit together.

She turned over, falling asleep to dream of him for only one night, returning to her normal life the next morning. Back to New York, her cat and her loneliness, unaware that across the city he was finally steering his car into his garage, bounding up the stairs two at a time. He removed all but his briefs, flinging himself onto the bed before he reached in his pants and started to masturbate. With his knee outstretched in front of him as he lay on his side, he drew a pillow near to steady himself, biting it as he spurt his cum across the bed as he imagined coming on her tits.

Monday, August 8th, 2005.
On the third of that month, JC scratched his signature into the transfer documents of the apartment, took the keys from the previous owner's attorney, and swept Ellie up into a kiss.
"We have a home now," she whispered as he lifted her off the floor.

They moved all of Ellie's belongings out of storage that afternoon, ate waffles on the kitchen floor that night and made love in Ellie's bed for the first time since early June. Over the next five days, they were joined by Linus and the furniture that would help them create their first true home together.

Ellie woke JC up with a kiss on the morning of the eighth. "Happy Birthday."
He silently chuckled as he covered his eyes with his forearm. She leaned down to kiss him again as he wrapped his arms around her. "If I'm going to wake up to that everyday, I just might start liking getting up in the morning a little more."
"How does it feel to be 29?"
"Right now? Awesome." He swept a lock of hair behind her ear. "You look very beautiful."
"So do you."
"When do you have to be at work?"
"I told Maurice that your mom was flying in for the day and how important it was that I spend some time with her. He's pretty much given me the day off." She got out of bed and stretched. She followed Linus downstairs for his morning feed as JC curled up as he stretched.

He trotted down the stairs after a shower to find Ellie making scrambled eggs. He sat down at the large dining table by the kitchen counters. She placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of him, kissing him before bringing her breakfast to the table.
"I'm sorry it's such a heavy breakfast today. I've been craving proper scrambled eggs for God knows how long and I'm just working through every meal I've been denied of since I moved out of a place with a full kitchen."
"It's fine. I love your cooking. This looks amazing." He took a bite. "It's very good. Any ideas on what you're making tonight?"
"I was thinking maybe a pot roast or something. I really want to show your mom that I can take good care of you."
"You don't need to do that."
"Pfft, I have the day off. I've got plenty of time to. Anyway, I want to make you something nice for your birthday. Speaking of birthdays." She reached behind her and got a white envelope off the counter. "I got you a little something."

He opened the envelope to find a card and a small, flat package wrapped in light blue tissue paper.
"Read the card first," she said as he opened the homemade card with a picture of an elephant drawn in black marker on the front. Inside it read: "My dearest Joshua, Words cannot express the happiness you have brought into my life. Until we met, I had no idea the capacity my heart had for either happiness or love. Just to give a basic idea, if you counted every star in the sky and every grain of sand twice, you would know how much I love you. I'm possibly over exaggerating here, but I mean it. Being able to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep in your arms has made me the luckiest woman on this Earth. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I look forward to everyone I will spend with you as your wife for the rest of my days. You truly are the love of my life and if I had to move every star in the sky to thank God for bringing you to me, it would never be enough thanks. Love, your corny ass fiancé, Elizabeth."

"Do you like it?"
"It's lovely." He placed the card on the table and opened the parcel. Inside was a silver, military style dog tag with their names, "JOSH & ELLIE," plus three dates pressed into the metal, 92804, 21305, and finally, 41306. He recognised the last two dates, but didn't understand the first.
"What does the 28th of last September mean?"
"It's the day that we met. The 28th of September was the day we met, the 13th of February was the day we hooked up, and I know I'm being a little optimistic here, but the 13th of April will hopefully be our wedding anniversary."
"No, it's great that you're being optimistic. It's a great present." He put Linus on the floor after he had jumped onto the table. "Thanks." He leaned over and kissed her. He stood up after they had finished breakfast. "Well, I've got to go pick up Mom." He kissed her goodbye.

JC led his mother through the front door. "That's the office through there. We're thinking of maybe putting a home studio in there. The downstairs bathroom's opposite." He came to a stop at the entrance of the living area. "What the fuck is that?"
He had come home to find Ellie in a sundress standing in front of a large object covered in a white sheet. Linus was on top of it, sniffing around.
"I think it's a cat." Catherine, an average-height woman rendered petite in comparison to her eldest son, bore her son's eyes, nose, cheekbones and thick, black curls. "You know what a cat is, baby."
"Is that a fucking piano?" He moved past Ellie and scooped Linus off the top of the covered object. He pulled off the white sheet to reveal an onyx black grand piano. "Did you buy me a fucking grand piano for my birthday?"
"Do you like it?"
He looked back at Ellie in surprise. "I just...I was not at all expecting this."
Ellie stepped forward and greeted Catherine. "Hi, Ellie, I mean Elizabeth."
"Nice to meet you. Catherine, Kit for short."
"Oh! Like Kitty Bennet from Pride & Prejudice?"
"Yeah, I was named after my grandmother. Everyone in the family called me Kit instead, though."
A squeak came out of JC.
"Are you crying?" Ellie asked.
"No."

JC and Catherine sat in the waiting bay just outside the terminal for her flight back to D.C. "Are you sure you're going to be OK flying home alone?"
"Yeah, Simon's picking me up straight from the airport." Catherine looked at her watch. "Knowing my husband, he's probably there now."
"What do you think of Ellie?"
"She's a nice girl. I'm very happy for you. You two seem very much in love."
"You don't think...?"
"Joshua, we both know that I am too far removed from the situation to even consider judging it. I can only wish you the best for the future."

They stood up as the first page for her flight was called. "But everyone thinks that-"
She cut him off. "Shhh, don't think that way. It's bad luck." She reached up and hugged him, bending his head down to kiss his forehead.
"I just want you to be proud of me."
"Baby, I am. I'm extremely proud of you. But you need to remember that you're only human. You're allowed to make mistakes, you're allowed to not be perfect all the time." She took him in for a final hug. "You don't need to overthink everything. It's OK if you want to follow your gut from time to time. You know what's best for you, no one else. I need to get going. I'm going to miss my flight."
"I love you."
"I love you too, baby. Be a good boy, get home safe."
"Bye, Mom."
"Bye." He watched as she went went through the security point and turned back around to wave goodbye. He stayed until she had disappeared out of view to board the plane.

JC was greeted home by Linus, meowing as he ran down the stairs. He placed his keys on the counter and snuck up the staircase to find Ellie sleeping in that day's clothes. He got ready for bed and lay down next to her.

She stirred awake. "Baby..."
"It's OK, I'm here. You can go back to sleep."
"But I had this thing planned. I bought this little purple thing."
"It's fine. We'll do it another time."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." He curled up behind her, spooning her. "I don't really feel like it right now."
"Are you OK?"
"Yeah...it's just that I miss her, you know? You're very alike, you know? Not only you and Catherine but Karen as well. The three of you are very emotionally intuitive or something."
"I think you're mistaking emotional intuitiveness for sensitivity."
"I don't know." He intertwined his fingers in hers. "She says she's happy for us."
"Do you think she is?"
"Maybe."

Friday, August 19th, 2005.
Ellie sat on the floor of her and JC's Chicago hotel room tracing the number 28 in red puffy paint onto a white t-shirt. She was wearing a yellow camisole and denim cut-offs. JC passed by her as he put a blue shirt on with his khakis.
"You don't need to do that," JC said as he went to open the door.
"I want to. I swear, it only cost me $13."

JC and Ellie had travelled west for the weekend for what was to be the final Challenge for the Children charity event and game. JC's mother, Karen, had also made the trip for the festivities. Karen followed JC into the room after he hugged her.
"Hi. What are you doing there?" Karen asked Ellie as she sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing down her cream polo shirt and jeans.
"Oh, I'm just making a t-shirt with Josh's number on it for the game tomorrow." Ellie looked up at Karen, the bun on top of her head flopping back as she lifted her head.
"That's nice."
"Yeah, we used to do this back home, make t-shirts with our boyfriend's number on them to wear to games and rallies. Josh thinks it might be a cool idea if we get everyone to sign it, then auction it off, but I don't know. I kind of want to keep it."
Karen paused trying to make conversation. "OK. What was your number, I mean your boyfriend's number back then?"
"Seventeen. Miles was the smallest on the team and it was the only jersey that fit him."
"OK. What position did he play?"
"Safety, wasn't good at it though. Dipshit couldn't even catch the ball. He was only on the team because his daddy donated a few thousand towards the ‘95-96 season. It was one of worst seasons Breckinridge Prep had ever seen."
"OK...was this the fiancé?"
"Yeah." Ellie repositioned herself, twisting the cap back on the paint bottle. "I bet you have lots of stories and things from all the boys you dated in high school."
"Roy was the first boy I courted. My father wouldn't let me date in high school."
"Oh...OK. Doesn't matter though. Anyway, I burnt most of what Miles gave me, except the ring and the George Harrison records. I pawned it for 2 pints of malt liquor. Well, the ring anyway." She awkwardly laughed. "That was a fun night. Let me tell you, a little bit of your soul dies when you've seen a pink Valentine's bear go up in flames."
"I swear, Mom, she's not as psychotic as she sounds right now," JC said from his perch at the dining table near the window.

Karen sat with her lips pursed, unable to completely process the information she had just learned. "Catherine told me that she spent your birthday with you. She said she thinks that Ellie's a nice girl."
"She is," JC tried to reassure her. "That whole burning bear thing isn't what she's like all the time. You know they were engaged; he was cheating on her. You would've done the same in her situation."
"It's not that. I agree with Catherine. She's a nice girl."
"I'm right here."
"We know." Karen sighed. "Everything's just moving very fast with you two."
"We know. It's just the way that we're doing it. We're still thinking everything through and such. We just rather do everything sooner rather than later."
"I get it, but what if...I don't know. Sometimes you forget things when you're in a hurry to do everything."
JC leaned on his hand with his elbow resting on the table. He let out a resigned breath. "OK...we need to start getting ready for the opening event thing."
Karen got off the bed and started to the door. "Bowling? Right?"
"Yeah."
"Are you OK with that, Ellie? Have you played before?"
"Yeah, all the time. I'm cool with playing if they let me. It doesn't matter if they don't, open bar, free beer...wooo!"
"Great. I'll see you two later."

JC walked Karen to the elevator. "If it concerns you, her drinking is as bad as mine."
"It doesn't matter."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Karen dug the toe of her shoe into the carpet. "Catherine said you had a nice time together."
"Yeah."
"It's nice hearing that everything's good with her."
"What wrong, Mom?"
"Nothing."
"You sure?"
Karen looked up at her eldest son. "I'm worried about you."
"What about?"
"I just...I thought I would have a better relationship with the woman you decided to marry. I like Ellie, but I feel like I barely know her. Is she a good girl? Does she treat you right? Does she come from a good family? I mean, your father and I haven't even met her parents."
"Do you want to meet them?"
"Well, yeah. But I don't know when it would be a convenient time for all four of us. We could go see them in Louisiana or something, take a weekend trip up. Maybe spend Thanksgiving together."
"We'll arrange something. I'll ask Ellie to maybe hook you and her mom up."
"OK." They hugged as the elevator door opened. "I'll see you later. Love you."
"Love you too, Mom."
"Ellie must have been real angry to have burnt that bear."
"She was."

JC watched the door close. He went back to the room to find Ellie changing into a pair of jeans. "You didn't need to change."
"Eh, I wanted to. It might get cold later." Ellie retied her hair into a neater bun. "Is your mom OK?"
"Yeah. She's just worried about how fast everything's going. She'll be OK once she gets to know you and your family a little better." He collected his cell phone off the table and put it into his pocket. "We probably should get going."
"You're not going to change?"
"Why? I look fine."
Ellie looked down at his trousers. "You're wearing a pair of baggy three-quarter khakis."
"Sooo?"
"Can you just..."
"What?"
"...nothing? Let's get going." She followed him out of the room to the elevator mumbling, "I hate men's fashion," under her breath as the doors closed.

Saturday, August 20th, 2005.
Ellie clung onto the back of JC's red and white tracksuit. They weaved through the maze of corridors and doorways until they were in the underground car park, waiting to be picked up for the game.
"You don't have to hold on to me so tightly. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
"I know. It's just that I'm really nervous."
"You have nothing to be nervous about. Everything will be fine." He lightly kissed her on the forehead.

A signal was given and he was pulled away from her, someone on Justin's team hastily guiding him into an awaiting SUV. Before either of them could process what was happening, the car was leaving the parking garage and Ellie was left alone by the service elevator. Ellie flinched as Karen placed a reassuring hand on Ellie's back.
"It's *NSYNC policy for loved ones to travel separate from the boys."
Ellie turned to look at the group that had gathered around her. "What?"
"At big events like this, we usually travel separate from the boys. It's for security reasons."
Ellie surveyed the faces in the group. She had been introduced to most of them over the last day or so. She instantly knew that no one tied to Justin was in the group. A ball of resentment formed along with the ball of anxiety in her gut as she realised that Justin's mother was most likely in the car JC was in. "It's fine," she lied. "I'm just not used to everything. I'm new here."

Ellie was lucky enough to sit in between Karen and Kelly on the car ride over. "This is going to sound weird," Ellie whispered to Kelly, "but has Justin always gotten preferential treatment over the other four? I don't mean just recently, but always."
"Why?"
"I was just wondering why Justin's mom is travelling with Justin and JC whilst we're in a separate vehicle?"
"It's always been like that. Lynn always travels with Justin. I know that this might be one of the last official *NSYNC events ever, but if I were you, I wouldn't try too hard to rock the boat," Kelly advised her.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just saying, you're only new here. You don't know how things are done around here."

At halftime, Ellie watched attentively as JC joked around on court with his teammates.
"Hey." Justin pulled the towel off his head as he stopped to talk to her.
"Oh, hi."
"You having a good time? That's a cute shirt you're wearing."
Ellie looked down at the 28 written on her t-shirt. "Um, thanks."
"Kinda makes me wish I had a girl who would do something like that for me."
"Yeah. Isn't Cameron on your team?"
"Yeah."
"Well, isn't that cooler? Being able to play with your girlfriend instead of her just supporting from the sidelines." Ellie picked at the seam on the pocket of her jeans. "I mean, it's a celebrity basketball game, so only celebrities can play. I guess that's one of the perks of dating an A-list actress."
"What the fuck is your problem with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Kelly told Joey what you asked her in the car. We do that so none of you get hurt."
"Then why does your mom travel with you?"
"She just does. Stop acting like it's some kind of special treatment."
"But it is. We're supposedly so precious that we ride three cars back, but if you go down, your mom's going down with you?"
"You're not making any sense." He reached over and grabbed her shoulder. "Look, I'm just trying to be friendly and ask you how you're doing. You don't have to make some big scene."
She rolled her shoulder, stepping away from him. "Don't fucking touch me!"
"What the fuck is your problem?! Did your daddy rape you or something?!"

With a swift motion, Ellie punched Justin, knocking him to the floor. "LOOK, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I DON'T LIKE YOU. I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE YOU. DO YOU KNOW HOW INCREDIBLY CONDESCENDING OUR FIRST CONVERSATION WAS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO'S THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU IMPLY THAT HE NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU? I'M NOT SOME DUMB BITCH SOUTHERN BELLE WHO NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED FROM YANKEES, OK? I KNOW GUYS LIKE YOU. I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE AROUND REDNECK SHITS LIKE YOU, WHO THINK JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE BORN ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE MASON-DIXON LINE THAT THEY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ALL SOUTHERN WOMEN. WHEN IN TRUTH, THE ONLY THING WE NEED TO BE PROTECTED FROM ARE SHITS LIKE YOU! I'VE ONLY SPOKEN TO YOU FOUR, FIVE FUCKING TIMES AND EACH TIME YOU HAVE QUESTIONED MY TASTE IN MEN, INVADED MY PERSONAL SPACE, COMPLETELY DISREGARDED MY REQUESTS FOR YOU TO RESPECT MY PERSONAL SPACE AND NOW..." She paused, grinding her teeth as she tried to repeat what he had said. "Now, you accuse my father of sexually abusing me."

He got up off the floor and grabbed her wrists, pulling her close enough so he was towering over her. "Look, you little bitch," he hissed. "You're only here because JC's fucked you a few times. You're not here because you're talented or important enough to be here. You aren't even here because you're a member of the fucking press. You're just here because you're JC's little whore and he doesn't want to leave you alone in the hotel room. You think you're so important now that you've tricked him into marrying you? Well, you're not. You're nobody. You're nothing and when he finally gets rid of you, you'll still be nobody-"

She released herself from his grasp. "Just like when Britney dumped you? Huh? I know all of your shit. I know every little trick, every little thing you've done to get you where you are. You're just some mama's boy who fucked over the right girl to get himself enough cash so he could start paying people to treat him like he's important. I know boys like you. I know your game and I know that that no matter how many Grammys or number one hits you buy, you'll never be as talented as you want to be, your dick will never big enough and your daddy will always think that he should have beaten your mama hard enough for her to lose you. You're fucking nothing."

She turned away from him and quickly made her exit. Never turning back, she locked herself in the ladies' bathroom to not only stop him from getting to her, but to remove herself from the situation. She took a few deep breaths and checked her phone, returning Maurice's call.

JC stormed into the hotel room to find Ellie packing. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO JUSTIN?!"
She gently folded a sweater and placed it in her suitcase. "We both said some incredibly shitty things to each other."
"Holy shit! Why is everything so dramatic with you two? You're not leaving because of it, are you?" He flung himself on the bed.
"No. The director of that new Pride & Prejudice adaptation is going to be in New York for a press junket tomorrow. Maurice thinks that because I know so much about the book, I would be the best reporter to interview him." She neatly placed the yellow tank top she was wearing the day before under a pair of jeans.
"How many yellow tank tops do you actually own?"
She grunted in disgust. "What's it to you? Huh? I'm not the one still dressing like a teenage boy at nearly thirty."
He leaned his head on his arm. "You don't have to get so pointed with me, OK?"
"I'm not getting pointed. I'm just pissed-"
"At what?" He cut her off. "What are you pissed at?"
She flung a pair of socks into her suitcase. "You know, Justin is exactly like Miles. Same condescending fucking tone, same manipulative bullshit. Oh, I'm not treating him like the king that he is? That means there's something wrong with me. That I'm stupid, that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm a fucking bitch." She stopped. "Huh? Well, maybe they're the fucking problem. Maybe your fucking entitled bullshit is the reason I'm such a fucking bitch to you? Huh?"

She looked at JC as he laid on the bed, rendered silent by her tirade. "What? You don't have anything to say?"
He got off the bed, and sighed. "Look, I'm too tired to humour your anger right now. If you need to fly out tonight, you can. Maybe it would be best if you did, gives you less chance of ripping Justin's trachea out." He took off his sweatsuit jacket and pulled his jersey off, dropping it on the floor.
"I fucking would, you know."
"I know." He lightly kissed her forehead. "That's one of the many reasons I love you. I'm going to take a shower. Goodbye if you leave before I get out." He pressed his lips to hers.

She moaned as she tasted the salt in his kiss, inhaling his scent before he slipped away from her into the bathroom. She picked his jersey off the floor, taking in the intoxicating aroma. She bit her lip, folding the jersey and placing it in her suitcase. She zipped it shut and collected the rest of her things, leaving a small note for him when he got out of the shower.

Monday, August 22nd, 2005.
Ellie awoke at 7:08am. She showered, blow-dried her hair and did her makeup. She put on one of JC's pink dress shirts and a grey pencil skirt. She fed Linus and had a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. She slipped on a pair of modest, black pumps and packed her briefcase. She was locking the door just as JC stepped out of the elevator. She dropped her briefcase and ran to him, jumping into his arms. He pressed her against the wall as they kissed passionately.
"Baby."
"I've missed you," she whispered as he stepped away from her. They stood apart for a moment, the silence of the hall broken by their heavy breathing. "Get the fuck back here." She gasped as he pinned her to the wall, arching her back as she felt his erection press against her clit.
"Fuck me," she whispered as she pulled his t-shirt up and dug her fingernails into his back, "I don't give a shit where, just fuck me."

He pulled her skirt up and lifted her leg. He pulled aside the delicate string of the white, lace thong she was wearing. She undid the buttons on the fly of his jeans and pulled his cock out of his underpants. "Has Daddy been missing me? Is that why you're so fucking hard right now?"
He grunted as he thrust himself into her. "It doesn't matter now. Daddy's home."

She wrapped her arm around his neck as he lifted her other leg, her shoe falling to the floor. She slipped her free hand in between them, rubbing her clit in sync with his slow but hard thrusts. She gave off a silent whimper.
"I want the whole fucking floor to hear you," he growled as he increased his speed and force behind his thrusts. Her cries, as well as their bodies banging against the wall, filled the hallway. She grabbed his back after she came, leaning her head against his shoulder as he finished.

He tenderly bit her, laughing as they steadied themselves. "You smell amazing."
"I should probably change my skirt."

Ellie walked into her office at 9:26, thirty-eight minutes later than her average. She placed her briefcase on her desk and slid her chair out.
"You're late today. Got stuck in traffic?"
Her smile widened as she replied to Craig, smoothing her skirt as she gracefully sat down. "Mr. Darcy has returned to Pemberly."
"Oh...ooh."

Chapter 16 - Black and Carnation Pink

Saturday, September 17th, 2005, 1206 - 172 hours, 54 minutes.

"Blah!" Ellie squirmed as she unstuck herself from the car seat.

"What?" JC signalled as he turned into the pick-up bay at the airport.

"Just this heat...blah. I'm sticking to the seat." She undid her seat belt and opened the door, a flush of humid air filling the car. "Everything about this heat is gross." She got out of the car and smoothed down her rose pink tank top and white gym shorts, greeting JC's parents. "Hey! I hope you guys aren't suffering too hard in this heat?"

"Hi." Karen took Ellie in for a hug. "Of course not, Orlando's just as bad."

She helped them put their luggage in the trunk and get in the iron grey rental sedan, Karen leaning forward in the front to kiss her son.

"I hope your parents didn't see too much damage done in the storm?" Roy inquired from the front seat. "We didn't get that much, but we know folks who got quite a bit."

"Nah, we didn't get that much up here in Baton Rouge," Ellie replied from the backseat, next to Karen. "Just some high winds, few branches here and there. Mom said it mostly just spooked the horses."

"Oh, OK. What's this about ‘royal tea?'"

"It's just how my mama prefers to do her business. There's a little French style cafe near our church that does tea service. You know, tea pots and cucumber sandwiches, that kind of thing. She likes to go there for formal luncheons. It's just her way of welcoming you for your stay."

"Are we still doing dinner tonight?"

"Well, considering what my granny's cooking up, I hope so. Mama just wants a little quiet time with you before you get bombarded by the whole family."

John and Emily greeted them as the four of them walked up to the cafe. "Hi, I hope your flight wasn't that bad." Emily drew Karen in for a polite hug. "John can't stand flying."

John gave Roy a knowing pat on the arm. "Well, maybe if you once were nearly shot down over the Gulf of Tonkin, you wouldn't feel so keen to leave the ground either."

Roy grunted in response.

"Man of few words, eh? Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with that at all."

"Damn it!" Karen bent down and pick up her dropped purse.

John followed suit. "Let me get that for you...Ow!"

"Oh! Sorry!" Karen apologised as she straightened herself, John holding his hands over his nose.

"I'm not bleeding, am I?"

Emily examined her husband's hand and nose. "Not right now."

"Great, tea and a shoulder to the face." John laughed.

"Are you sure he's OK?"

"I'm a big boy, I'll deal. Anyway, it's a story to tell the grandkids one day."

The six of them sat around one of the larger tables near the centre of the pink and white trimmed tea room, the circular table dressed with a white tablecloth and delicate china. Ellie answered a text message as Emily and Karen perused the menu, Roy developing incredible fascination with his watch face. John smiled awkwardly across the table at JC as JC nervously shook his left leg.

"So, Ellie, does your boss mind you spending the week down here?" John tugged at the sleeves of his red checked shirt.

"No. There's a up and coming Neo-grunge band playing in town early next week. I have to interview them."

"Oh...OK." John awkwardly shifted in his seat.

"Um...Where did the name ‘Ellie' come from? Josh tells me that Ellie doesn't like to be called ‘Lizzie?'" Karen asked as she folded her menu up.

"You want to tell that one, John?" Emily laughed as she placed her napkin on her lap.

"I was rather sweet on Elly-May Clampett back in the Sixties."

"You're quite sweet on her now!"

"She was a sweet character."

"She was blonde with big boobs!" Emily composed herself. "...Sorry, breasts."

"Anyway, for some reason we started calling her Ellie when she was a baby, and the name stuck. She's never liked Lizzie."

"That's nice. Isn't Donna Douglas from Baton Rouge?"

"Who?"

A thin lady with greying blonde hair twisted up in a beehive interjected herself into the conversation; she adjusted the purse on her wrist and tugged at the hem of her pink cardigan. She was the vision of Southern gentry. "Would you mind introducing me to your new friends, Miss Emily?"

"Oh...OK. Lucy, this is Karen and Roy Chasez. Their son Joshua is engaged to Miss Elizabeth."

"Congratulations, your son could not have made a finer choice. I remember begging my first born, Miles, to ask for Miss Elizabeth's hand. I was so happy when she accepted. Unfortunately, she was called up north and Miles's heart was stolen by another."

"Yeah," John grumbled, "that's what happened."

Ellie painted on an insincere smile. "Thank you, Miss Lucy. I've heard that congratulations is in order for you, too. I can't imagine your joy whilst you await the arrival of your first grandchild."

Lucy took a handkerchief out of her purse, dabbed her nose and crumbled it up into a ball. "Yes, a granddaughter named Miley by the looks of it. " She flared out her nostrils in disgust. "Not that I would expect anything less from a Clements. Nevertheless, it will bring a certain...country charm to the Henderson line. Tell me, I do believe Chasez is French, is it not? Are your folk from Le Hexagon or are they from Acadia? My maiden name, Dubois, is Creole."

John butted in as Lucy placed her cold, bony hand on Karen's shoulder. "Josh here told me it was Mellon-nite, that's German I believe?"

"Uh...Swiss actually," Roy corrected him, even though he caught on to what John was trying to do. "Me folk's from Sweden. That's why Josh has such blue eyes."

Lucy pursued her lips. "Well, isn't that grand? I really must get going. It was a pleasure getting to meet all of you. Au revoir."

Her heels clacked out of the cafe as John muttered, "Old bitch," underneath his breath.

Saturday, September 17th, 2005. 2128 - 164 hours, 32 minutes.

The nine of them, Ellie, Emily, James, JC, Jean, John, Karen, Rosemary and Roy, sat around the Argyle's kitchen table playing baccarat, telling each other small details about each other and short family stories. "We saw Lucy Henderson at the tearoom this afternoon," Emily casually stated as she ordered her cards.

"Ugh, what did she want?" Jean grunted.

"Just poking her nose where it doesn't belong again, Mama," John grumbled as he took a sip of beer, "like she always does..."

"If you don't mind me asking"-Karen took a sip of wine-"how high up in the society ladder is she?"

"Pretty far up, she only really bothers with senators' wives." Ellie finished sharpening the scoring pencil, catching JC trying to peek at her cards. "Hey! No peeking!"

"I'm not peeking!"

"You are so!"

"If you two keep on with this, I'll deal you out of another round." Jean stamped her cards on the table.

"No, that's what they want, they don't want to sit here with the old folks, they want to go off and do young people things."

"Daddy! No, we don't!"

"Can we please just finish the hand!" Roy grumbled from behind his cards. "What's going on with that Lucy person?"

Rosemary took a sip of tea. "She's just your typical high society southern belle. She ain't anyone's problem unless you have a problem with that kind of woman."

"She said the Clements were 'country.' I don't know what that means down here, but up in Maryland, it means they're trash."

"Right on the nose, Karen. Molly Sue and her mama are normal folk, pageant queens. Ellen Sue being a school administrator for the parish, wonderful woman. Only some types like Lucy can't bear for their little boys to marry such common folk."

"I thought she wanted Miles to marry Ellie."

"What are you trying to say?"

"You're just not like that...that's all."

"She was bullshitting, all she does is bullshit." Ellie put on a fake, French accent. "Lucinda Dubois. Bullshit, her name on her birth certificate is 'Lucy Redford.' She ain't got a lick of Creole in her. She just hopes it's been long enough that people would forget who she was before she got married. I mean, 'Dubois,' she picked the name of the most famous Tennessee Williams heroine. Stop trying to peek!"

Wednesday, September 21st, 2005. 1700 - 72 hours

"Fuck this shit," Anna muttered to herself through the collection of sewing pins resting between her lips. She switched the sewing machine into reverse and lightly stepped on the pedal, pulling the fabric out far enough to release a run over pin from underneath the needle and foot.

"Seventy two hours until D-Day," Derek called as he walked from the living room to the kitchen.

"Can you please stop counting down the exact minutes until the wedding? You're only making me nervous." Claire wrapped the measuring tape around Ellie's waist.

"But I'm so excited. I can't help it if I can't wait until you're my wife."

"Ew." Anna continued sewing a carnation pink sash she was to wear over the black halter neck dress Ellie had chosen for her, the whir of the engine drowning out the storm outside.

"One day you'll feel the exact same way when you find a woman as wonderful as your sister."

"Oh my God, Derek. I'm in the most saccharine sweet, disgusting relationship ever, and I'm turned off right now." Ellie relaxed her stomach at Claire's request. "Why are we doing this anyway?"

"I just thought it would look nice. Give it a little more colour." Claire took note of Ellie's waist measurements and calculated the amount of material they would need for her sash. "Speak of the Devil, how's JC doing with with all the farm work your daddy's probably forcing on him right now?"

"He's doing OK. Mainly lifting hay bales though. It's still the sexiest thing ever."

A crash of thunder sounded as JC bounded through the screen door, Claire and Derek's labrador mix puppy meeting him at the door. "Hey there, Fluffbutt." He walked into the living room holding the squirming bundle of caramel hair. "It's fucking pouring down, out there."

"Trust Mama to schedule a wedding during the wettest weekend of the year." Claire headed over to the fridge. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Thanks, water will be fine." JC went over to Ellie and kissed her, putting the dog down near the kitchen table, pausing when he saw the bridesmaid dresses laid out on the table. "Oh, wow."

Ellie wrapped her arms around his waist as she stood behind him. "What?"

"I just haven't seen these since I proposed; I was just having a little moment there."

"What?" Anna asked as she finished turning her sash inside out, preparing to sew the final seam.

"I was getting ready to send these off from Orlando just before he proposed." She ran her fingers across his stomach. "He just came in the room and asked me. Came out of nowhere."

"Actually, I had been nursing the idea for around a month prior. That morning, it just came to a point where I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to know what you were going to say."

"Did I say the right thing?"

"Yes." He intertwined his fingers in hers. "I'm sure the two of you have a much better story than us."

"A few years back, we kind came to an agreement that if she wanted to get married, she would let me know. Last Christmas she gave me a card saying that her Christmas wish was that I would be her husband next year. All of January, she started dropping hints that she thought it would be nice to get away for Valentine's and I kind of took it as a signal that she wanted me to propose. I popped the question at dinner on the 14th." Derek picked the dog off the floor. "I'm not sure it's any better. Any stories you want to tell, Anna?"

"Mom went into my room one day to get my laundry. She found my art book open to a Sailor Moon comic I was drawing where Sailor Jupiter was eating out Sailor Mercury. So, she charges into the living room, demands to know what it was and I yelled back ‘It's Lita and Amy making love,' and she's all like, ‘Why would you draw this? Do you know how much you're wasting your talent by drawing this filth? Do you know how sick this is?'" She trimmed the thread off the sash.

"And I'm all like ‘I don't care, Mom. I want to draw it. It comes from my heart. Whether or not you like it, it's my art and I'm going to keep drawing it.' Then she's all like 'Why?' And I'm all like 'Because I'm a fucking lesbian.' And Dad was there and that's the story of how I came out to my parents."

Wednesday, 1823 - 70 hours and 37 minutes.

JC and Ellie sat in the truck on the way back from getting dinner for the five of them.

"What was Anna talking about back there?"

"Um...let me see if I can remember this. OK, so the blonde one who wears the blue and red pinafore is Sailor Moon or Serena. Sailor Jupiter, or Lita, is the brunette who wears the green pinafore, and Sailor Mercury, or Amy, is the one with short black hair who wears the blue pinafore."

JC took a left turn. "Anna identifies with Mercury whilst she has a crush on Jupiter?"

"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, I guess. Ever since Diana let her dye her hair, she's worn it short and black."

"Does she have a crush on you?"

"Oh my God! I was wondering that. Every time I've tried to bring it up with Claire, she's always brushed it off."

"How long do you think she's felt that way?"

"A few years now. She said this thing when she was fourteen, when she found out about Miles. Granted the whole town knew about fucking Miles, but she was all like ‘If you were my girl, I'd treat you better.' and I'm just standing there like, ‘You're eight years younger than me, you're still in training bras. It's cute, though, having a crush on your big sister's best friend."

"You two haven't done anything?"

"What, like kiss?...No! I'm into dudes."

"You haven't kissed another girl?"

"You haven't kissed another boy?"

"Touché." He wrestled the gears into park. "What's the creepiest thing you've ever done for a guy?"

"What's the creepiest thing you've ever done for a girl?"

"I tracked down her hotel and stole her business card."

"I got banned from a photo agency website."

"What?!"

"Last New Year's, I spent it with Maurice and Craig playing Scrabble. I got depressed because of how alone I was and got really, really, really drunk. I Googled you in my drunken misery and found all of these photos of you on this photo agency's website. I needed a login, which I have through my work, and I left all of these awful comments on photos of you and Eva saying that she was a whore and that she was fucking half of the Dallas Cowboys and that I knew her in college, which I didn't, and said that she fucked all of Texas A&M's football team as well. I got an email the next day, ‘cause they register you with the email you use for your publication, saying that my account had been suspended indefinitely due to abusive comments."

"Should I even ask why you did that?"

"She had something I wanted." She looked down into her lap in shame. "I was alone and I hadn't met anyone in New York who really liked me. When I met you, we just kind of clicked. I thought you liked me, that you might track me down, I guess not though. When I found out not only that you were dating her, but she was also probably cheating on you, I wanted to burn her hair off. I was so fucking jealous that she got to have this perfect guy and she was treating him so badly and I didn't even get a chance." She paused. "I'm super happy the way things ended up for us, but I wish you had called sooner. I wish we could've been together sooner so she couldn't hurt you like she did. I wish that I didn't have to try and mend you before I could fall in love with you."

"How is the situation with how Miles left you in any different?"

"It just is. I was young and stupid. He kept telling me all of this shit about how nobody would love me the way he did, nobody would ever find me as beautiful as he did. I put up with what he did because I believed him, not only that but because when he did what he did, he always said he was never going to do it again. I was so fucking naive and I was burnt because of it."

JC grunted in disgust. "I...just..." He gripped onto the steering wheel. "I want to punch him in the fucking face."

"You and seventy other people. What's your excuse to why you let Eva treat you the way she did?"

"She made me feel important. Because of all the shit that was going on, with the label and the group, having her think I was important enough to sponge off made me feel like I wasn't the insignificant, untalented shit I felt like I was. I knew what she was doing, I knew that she was using me and why. Every time I even considered trying to bring up the subject, she would try and force it back down, saying that we never agreed on a exclusive relationship, that I was being sexist for calling out her need to express her sexuality and that I was just jealous that she was becoming more famous than me."

A tension grew between them. "How many girlfriends have you cheated on?"

"A few."

"Why?"

"I was on tour-"

She cut him off. "Let me guess, you needed to feel love, you wanted to feel important, you were missing a woman's touch. Fuck!"

"What!?"

"How do I stop it? How do I stop you doing the same to me? Do I constantly need to keep you on a leash? I want to trust you, but I also feel like I shouldn't. I want to give you room to feel comfortable, but I also feel like you'll abuse whatever space I give you. I can't do this..." She hit the dashboard with her hand. "Shit! We were going so well. We were happy and we had just worked through all of that shit with the engagement and now this all comes up."

"We'll work it out."

"What if we can't? What if we are destined to fail? I just..."

"It'll be fine."

"It's not fine. It won't be fine. I already know I'm not good enough for you, I already know that I can't stop you from cheating on me if you wanted to."

A tap sounded from the passenger side window, Derek standing in the rain. "Is everything OK in there?"

Wednesday, 1908 - 69 hours and 52 minutes.

JC and Derek stood out of the back porch and watched the three women inside, Ellie sitting on the sofa, Claire sitting next to her trying to console her and Anna eating at the table.

"Is everything OK with you two?" Derek asked.

"No, I'm a piece of shit."

"Jace..."

"No, I am. I'm a piece of shit who cheats on every girl he's with and Ellie thinks that she deserves it. Miles is a piece of shit and I'm a piece of shit and..." He turned away into the rain and ran his fingers through his hair. "I really don't want to fuck this up. If only so I don't hurt her...The only man she feels she can trust is her daddy and I'm not OK with that. She's just this wonderful person and everyone treats her like shit." He wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed. "I'm going to break her heart and I don't want to."

"But that's it, you don't want to. You haven't yet, so you can keep telling yourself not to." Derek placed his hand on JC's arm. "Look, man, I can't fix everything about you, but I can tell you this, as someone who's been in a relationship for seven and a half years and who's getting married in 69 and a half hours. You need to take it day-by-day. You're going to want to fuck up, but you need to remind yourself not to. That same thing that stops you from stealing or killing someone, it's the same basic morality, just tell yourself ‘don't do it' and you won't. Just remind yourself ‘I don't want to do this and I don't want to fuck everything up,' and you won't. Just remember the woman you get to go home to."

At that moment, Claire charged through the back door. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?! IF YOU'VE HURT HER--"

"Baby, sshhh..." Derek tried to calm her down. "He hasn't done anything. He's just scared. They're both scared."

"Why would you be scared? Huh?"

"Because I've fucked up before, she shouldn't trust me. You shouldn't trust me with her."

"Look, I'll decide if I should trust you, Jace." Derek placed his hand on JC's shoulder again. "I work in correctional services. I believe any man can be rehabilitated."

"You're a fuckwit, Derek."

Wednesday, 23:48 - 65 hours and twelve minutes.

JC quietly tiptoed down the stairs and took a beer out of the fridge, perching himself on the back porch to watch the rain.

"What's wrong, Son?" John sat down beside him on the wooden bench.

"I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not what's best for your daughter."

"What makes you think that?"

"I've just...I don't know. I've just done some stupid shit, that's all."

"What are you, 29? So you've sown some oats. Every man has."

"But I've--" John cut him off.

"Look boy, we were all young once, didn't have any responsibilities, didn't need to think of the consequences. You can't change what you've done, but you can accept that God forgives you."

"Derek said all this shit about rehabilitation and trying not to reoffend--"

"Boy, that shit's for criminals. All that boy knows is for criminals. If that was the right advice for you, you would be in jail right now. Let me tell you something, as the eldest of four brothers, no husband is the same, no wife is the same, so no marriage is the same. What works for me and Emily ain't gonna work for my brother, Sam, and his wife, Betty. Just like what works for me and Emily won't work for you and Ellie."

"It's just that--"

"Look, boy, I get what you're trying to say. Before I went to war, I thought I would never sleep with a Saigon prostitute in a bamboo hut, but I did. And you know what, after I was removed from that situation, I stopped doing it."

"But you weren't dating anyone at the time! You were single! You didn't have a girl back home's heart to break! I did! And now I do...I don't know why she's still with me. She knows she should run, but she never does, even after she's been warned."

John sat and thought for a moment. "Well, she's just gonna have to lie in the bed she's made herself, isn't she?"

"You don't think...?"

"I can only control my actions, just like you can only control yours and she can only control hers. If she wants to stay with you knowing what you've done, then she's going to. If you're going do good or bad by her, that's your choice to make. We don't know what's gonna happen today or in five years time. Things just don't work that way. The only things we know are what's happening now and what's happened in the past, and the only thing we can change is what we do right now. How long have you two been together, seven months now? You haven't done anything yet, have you?"

"No."

"Well, then. There's seven months where you've done right. Soon it'll be eight, then nine, then thirty years. Maybe that won't happen, maybe she'll do you wrong. Maybe you'll die of the Black Plague or something. I know my baby girl, I know how smart she is, and I know how dumb she can be. But I also know how great it feels to be loved by her. I would advise you to appreciate that, don't wallow too much in your past mistakes and try to learn from Miles. She has a point; you don't want to reach it. Follow your gut. If she's worth it, you'll work for it." John stood up and patted JC on the back. "I don't think you would be so worried to fail if you were OK with failing, that counts for something." John stepped into the house and went up to bed, leaving JC with his beer and thoughts.

Thursday, 00:34 - 64 hours and 26 minutes.

JC crept into bed next to Ellie, lightly kissing her forehead so she would wake. "Baby..."

She stirred. "Josh...what time is it?"

"Around twenty five to one."

She grunted. "Have you been drinking?"

"I couldn't sleep. I had a beer to calm down."

"Why did you wake me up? I thought you were avoiding me?"

"I need to tell you some things. I fucked around when I was in *NSYNC. We all did, some of the other guys will tell you otherwise, but we all fucked around back then. Any girl we wanted, they would throw themselves at us. We were shitheads with everything laid out for us. We were too selfish to say 'no,' and some of us thought we could have girlfriends and groupies and all of that shit. I did, I was wrong."

She exhaled through her nose, "OK?"

"There's another thing. I was in love with Eva. I've tried so hard to downplay how I felt about her, but I can't. I thought she might have been the one. When it turned out that she wasn't, I felt so fucking stupid. I tried so hard to convince myself that she wasn't important, that I didn't love her, especially since we started dating so soon afterwards. I didn't want you to be a rebound. I didn't want to treat you like she had treated me. I fell for her hard, got too serious too soon, then she didn't feel the same. Maybe I wasn't a good enough lover, maybe she just stopped liking me, maybe she only saw me as an opportunity. She broke my heart. When you came along, I didn't expect you to have the impact on me that you did."

She groaned and rolled over. "What am I supposed to do with this information?"

"I don't know, I just want to be open with you."

"Have you cheated on me?"

"No. I don't want to, I don't need to." He rested his head on her shoulder. "It's different with you, I'm not just saying that. I've never had someone to come home to, someone who comes home to me."

"OK, so we'll go from there. We still have a clean slate, sort of."

"Anything you want to tell me?"

She thought for a moment, running her fingers through his hair. "On the 14th of March, the day after I dumped you, I thought I might have been pregnant with your baby. I was having all of these symptoms and I hadn't gotten my period yet. I just took a test just to see if I was. I emailed you from outside the drugstore after I bought it. I don't know how things would've played out if I was. It came up negative, though, and I got my period later that night."

"How far along would you be? If you were?"

"Around seven months."

"You would be huge."

She laughed. "Yeah. We would know by now if it was a boy or a girl."

"We might also be married by now, too."

She paused as a flush of warmth rushed over her. "Yeah...I want to marry you, I want to have a family with you. If anything happens, between us...I don't know."

"What if it doesn't? What if we can do this, treat each other well?"

"Yeah, we can be cautious, but we shouldn't kill ourselves over things that haven't happened between us."

"Yeah." He played with the fabric of her t-shirt, yawning.

"Do you want to go to sleep now?" She watched as he slid off the bed and took his shirt off. She placed her fingertips on his bare back before he stood up and took his pants off. He got underneath the blanket with her and pulled her close to him. She rested her head on his chest and snuggled up to him, playing with the hair on his chest. "I thought Lance was gay?"

"He is."

"Then how did he sleep with all those girls?"

"He had some of both, I guess. Girls at the start, guys more towards the end. I don't think any of us knew who we really were at first."

Saturday, September 24th, 2005. 1706 - 0 hours minus 6 minutes.

"Get her out of here!" JC heard Claire call from the dressing room. He smiled as he caught Anna and a petite brunette girl lightly kiss down the hallway in secret.

"Can you please take care of Meredith for me, Jace? Kay, thanks." Anna ran past him and down the corridor as the brunette in the emerald green cocktail dress ran after her.

"Madam?" He bowed and offered his arm to her.

"Monsieur." They followed Ellie's family into the hall of the country club.

Anna managed to wrangle Diana into the hall, leaving Ellie and Claire alone. "I swear, she is my light and my soul, she is the very reason I am on this Earth, but I cannot deal with her nervously buzzing around in here."

Ellie walked up behind her, trying to place Claire's veil on straight. "Everyone's just trying to get everything perfect. Lewis is going on about how it wouldn't be raining if the two of you married in the church."

"Do you think it's bad luck that we didn't? We're running late. Is that bad luck?"

"It's not bad luck. Stop being so superstitious. You have a wonderful man out there who loves you and is so excited, he's practically bouncing off the walls. You just need to get through today, and then everything will be fine."

Claire wiped a curl from her face. "Don't I usually say those kind of things to you?"

"No. You're usually the one telling me not to do anything stupid, like fucking the bridesmaid's fiancé at her best friend's wedding."

"Do not even consider it!"

"But he's so hot in his little suit!" Ellie whined, "...see?"

"OK"-Claire got up out of the makeup chair-"I think I'm ready." She smoothed down her dress and straightened her veil, taking a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Ellie stood behind her in her black halter neck dress with a carnation pink sash. "I always forget how much taller you are than me."

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!"

"Derek and I are having a baby." Tears welled up in Claire's eyes. "Oh, wow. Please don't tell anyone. I'm only five weeks; we're trying to pass it off as a honeymoon baby. He is so happy about it." She wiped a tear from her eye. "Shit, I promised myself I wasn't going to get emotional."

A knock sounded on the door.

"Coming!" Claire grabbed the bouquet of pink carnations of the dressing table and walked out the door to her parents.

During the ceremony, Anna took Claire's flowers, Claire taking Derek's hands in hers.

"Corinthians one, chapter thirteen, verses four through eight states"-Lewis adjusted his collar-   "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...The lesson we can learn from this is that love is unconditional, it holds no grudges and never judges. It sees beauty where darkness lies and is strong when we are weak. As a father, I am proud that my daughter has found a love as pure as the one she shares with Derek, and I am proud that they love each other as the way God has made them. As tribute to this blessing, they have written their own vows."

Derek fumbled at the pockets of his tux. "Oh, bullfrogs...here it is." He unfolded the ratty piece of memo paper. "Claire Marie, I remember the day I met you, nine years ago. I remember the furl of your blonde hair as you tossed it over your shoulder when first I laid eyes on you, the sweet song of your voice the first time you said 'hey.' Though I have grown, I am not very different from that day, I am a simple man but with you by my side I know love. I know the warmth of God's blessing and I know that with you I can do anything. I am so incredibly happy you chose me, that you choose me to be your husband as you to be my wife, and the mother of my child, sorry, children. Children, one day we'll have children." He shuttered into tears. "Please come with me, follow me down this road of life as mine, for we shall walk in God's gifts and know love and salvation, or something like that."

Claire wiped the tears from his face. "Baby...Um, when I was twelve, I wrote a letter for you. It reads: Dearest husband on my wedding day, I'm so happy I found you, and I'm happy that you are marrying me. I hope that you are cute, and nice and that you have a job that you love. I hope your mom is smart and beautiful and bakes you delicious cookies every week." A laugh from Derek's father rang out through the hall. "I hope your daddy is proud of you and that you love your sisters and brothers as much as I love Anna. I hope you are a good man, who tries to do good in this world. I can't wait for you to be my husband, I can't wait to grow old with you, and I can't wait until our children, CHILDREN, are born. With all of my love, Claire Marie Matherson. I wrote this for you because we had an assignment to write to the person we think is the the most important person in the world to us. For some reason Derek, I chose you. I'm happy I did."

Ellie remembered JC in the audience. "Shit...I really hope I'm wrong..." She whispered under her breath.

Ellie passed JC the slice of bundled up wedding cake. "If you eat it, I swear to God..." She started digging into a drawer on her desk.

"I have that song stuck in my head." He started singing the song from the first dance, "'All my life, I've prayed for someone like you, and I thank God, that I finally found you.' Derek picked it, didn't he?"

Ellie took a sheet of paper from a binder sleeve. "Yes, indeed, I can confirm that he did choose their song." She climbed next to him on the bed. "It was number one when they started dating."

"Yeah, hook like a harpoon. What's that?"

"Something I wrote when I was twelve."

"Is it a letter to your future husband, the most important person in your life?"

"No, it's a letter to you. 'JC, I love to watch you on the Mickey Mouse Club and I think you are very talented. You have amazing hair and an incredible singing voice. I read that you're from Maryland, I'm from Louisiana and I love reading. I want to be either a doctor or a journalist. I'd love to go to London one day. Have you ever been to London? I bet when you're a famous pop star you will. I think you're going to win a lot,' a lot is spelt as one word...'of awards and tour the world. I hope I can meet you one day and fall in love with you.' It stops there. It was probably when I decided that I maybe shouldn't submit it as an assignment or mail it to you."

"You never told me your name. How can I fall in love with you if I don't know your name?"

She climbed up into his arms, kissing a piece of frosting from his lips. "Hello, my name's Elizabeth, but you can call me Ellie."

"Hello, Ellie. I'm JC from the Mickey Mouse Club. It sure is swell to meet you."

"Have you fallen in love with me yet?"

"Yes."

Chapter 17 - Toxic

Saturday, October 8th, 2005.

Ellie hailed a cab before JC opened the door for her and they got into the backseat. “Corner of 63rd and 3rd, please.” Ellie adjusted the sleeves on her sweater.

“Why do we have to go to premarital counselling again?” JC took the Baltimore Orioles cap off his head, bent the brim and put it back on.

“I don’t think there’s any harm. We’ve got some issues we need to work through. Talking it over in a formal environment in a civil manner might help some things.” Ellie caught the prying eyes of the cab driver in the rear view mirror. “Do you mind? This is a private conversation."

She paid the cab driver and stepped out in front of the brownstone office building. JC pulled down his black sweater over his jeans as they entered the foyer.

Ellie greeted the receptionist. “Hi, Dr. Lowenstein’s office?”

“Third floor. Sign here.”

“Thank you.” They climbed the two flights of stairs and came to a stop at the frosted door printed “Dr. Marianne Lowenstein. PhD & PsyD, AAMFT.” Ellie smoothed over her lilac sweater and light blue jeans and entered, greeting the secretary. “Hi, I’m here for my three o’clock with Marianne. Elizabeth Argyle.”

The secretary gasped when she notice JC. “Oh. My. God. I loved you in *NSYNC!” She started singing a few bars of “Pop”, “Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you high…Loved, loved, loved that song. Would you mind signing an autograph?” She pushed a half-used Zoloft promotional pad over the counter with a Sharpie. “It is such an honour being able to meet you. Can you introduce me to Justin and Lance?”

He signed the pad as he felt Ellie’s contempt burn through the side of his face.

He waved then joined Ellie in the far corner of the waiting room. “What? I have fans.”

She let out a frustrated sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is a professional environment. She’s not only wasting her time, but also ours.”

“No, what’s wrong? You were fine until she noticed me.”

“I’m already embarrassed that we’re doing this. I fucking hate that we already have all of this shit to work through. Then one of your fans recognises you, it just screams ‘Hey, there’s something wrong with you two. You probably shouldn’t be getting married. You’re doomed to fail.’ And you know how fans can be. They’ll blame me if something goes wrong. I’m the reason you left, I’m a bitch for kicking you out, I wasn’t enough for you if you end up cheating.”

“Maybe it is a good idea that we’re here.”

Within twenty-five minutes, they were sitting on the floor cross-legged, facing each other.

“OK, breathe deeply. I want the two of you to know that this is a safe place.” Marianne, a petite brunette woman in her 50s, paced the floor of the office, her long skirt brushing the carpet. “Nothing that is said in this room will leave this room. What I want you to do is verbalise your feelings. Once something is said, I want the other person to receive and acknowledge those feelings.”

JC grunted as he exhaled. “I feel stupid.”

“I understand and acknowledge that you feel stupid.” Ellie placed her hands into her lap.

“Thank you for acknowledging that I feel stupid.”

Marianne sat in the wicker chair underneath the window. “It’s not exactly what I meant, but it’s a good start. Elizabeth, is there anything you’d like to bring up?”

Ellie paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you. Sometimes I feel like I’m only a container for you to ejaculate into. I feel like I’m a place-keeper for what you wanted from Eva. I feel like we just keep going over old shit, so we can’t work through anything else. I feel like your life is more important than mine.”

JC pursed his lips in confusion. “OK..?”

“I hate doing the bi-coastal thing. I hate that I am trying to mould my life to yours and, frankly, I’m struggling with it. This is my home. I’m comfortable in New York; my work’s here. My job is here, and for as long as I want to continue working here, I need to be based here. I want to have my children here. All of my doctors are here. It’s taken me years to develop a comfortable relationship with my gynaecologist, and I want him delivering my babies. I want to raise my children in New York. If I can’t do it in Louisiana, I want to do it here. I believe in infant baptism. I don’t want to tour with you. I don’t want to become a Linda McCartney. I don’t want to be just an extension of you.”

“I feel like you’re a walking contradiction. Sometimes you say you’re OK with something, then a few days later, you change your mind.” JC let out a long sigh. “I feel like you don’t—” She cut him off, thinking that he was going to say “support me.”

“I do! But I can’t do it if I’m not a complete person. I can’t support you if I resent the fact that I have to give up who I am for you.” Ellie paused. “I feel like we’re ignoring what I want and what I need to be equal to you and I hate the fact that I need you to change—“

“Let me get a fucking word in! I know I have to change; I want to change. My life was extremely toxic before I moved here. L.A. is extremely toxic, full stop. It’s just going to take some time. If you want to stop going back and forth every month, we will. But, BUT, you need to acknowledge that it’s not just you now, just like I have to. There’s two of us now.”

Ellie let out a dismayed sigh as JC closed the office door into the hallway behind them. He reached out his arms to her. “Come here, let’s hug it out.”

She bundled herself into his embrace. “I feel like shit. We’re fucked; this whole relationship is fucked.”

“It’s OK. It’s tiring to spill so much out at once. I still love you and I’m willing to work through anything to stay with you.” He rubbed her back to comfort her. “Do you want to get some ice cream?”

She looked up at him with a baffled look. “What?”

They sat in Central Park, watching the ducks swimming on the pond. JC licked some of the melted cream off his thumb. “Do you think we had the same questionnaire, or different ones?”

“I think we got the same one. What did you put for the sex and affection question?”

“I said that we have a healthy physical relationship. Do you think we do?”

“I hope so. I really don’t mean that ejaculate container thing.” Ellie grunted in disgust. “I hate feeling like I shouldn’t enjoy sex. I want to enjoy it.”

“What did you put for the infidelity question?”

“I have no tolerance for it. Why?”

“Just something your dad said, that you have a line. I’m not sure, but I think he was implying that in certain circumstances, you might.”

“Well, he’s wrong. When I was with Miles, I was a child. I was naive and he told me all of this shit and I believed it…I’m better than that.”

She licked a droplet of cream off one of her fingers. “What did you put for the divorce question?”

“I think it’s OK in some circumstances. You don’t think we’ll end up like that?”

“I don’t know. What happens if one of us turns abusive? If one of us becomes an addict or something? What if we just can’t have a healthy relationship one day?”

“Then we’ll just enjoy this for as long as we can. I hate thinking that we’ll have an endpoint.”

“But that’s what’s going to happen, either we break up or one of us dies. Either that or we somehow die at the same time…I don’t want that to happen.”

They sat in a pregnant tension for a moment, JC changing the subject to a more lighter one. “Why is it that your favourite ice cream flavour seems to be vanilla?”

“I like other flavours. I just like vanilla, that’s all.” She shrugged.

“Well, if you like it, then it must be really good then.” He bent over and stole a taste from her cone.

“Hey!..Butthole.” She watched as he wiped his lips. “Wait, you got a little…” She leaned over and kissed him. “You know, I feel like fifty percent of the time when I kiss you, it’s because you’ve got food on your lips.”

“Well, I do eat a lot.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“I wonder if there’s a way to burn off all of those calories?”

“I can think of one…Is it raining?”

They kissed as they pushed through the front door, their clothes and hair wet from that afternoon’s rain. “Last one upstairs has to be on top.” Ellie giggled as she made her way to the stairs. JC grabbed her from behind and swung her around, putting her behind him.

“Hey!” she called as he bounded up the stairs. She followed him to find him shirtless on the bed. “You’re bigger than me.” She peeled off her sweater and kicked off her shoes.

“Only by a few inches.”

She climbed on the bed and straddled him, feeling his hard-on press against the fly of his jeans. She ran her fingernails down his torso. “I fucking love your chest hair.” She leaned down to kiss him.

“What else do you love?”

“Your eyes, your fingers, your speaking voice, your hair, your lips, your tongue…”

“What about my cock?”

“I fucking adore your cock.” She lifted the white t-shirt she was wearing over her head, undoing her bra from the front.

“Oh, fuck, yes.” He leaned forward to kiss her between her breasts.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair. “Is there anything you love about me?”

He kissed down her abdomen as he listed, “I love your eyes, your lips, your hands…” He turned over until she was lying on the bed, continuing as he undid her fly, “Your ass, your tits…” He slid her jeans and panties down, taking them off. He opened her legs and softly licked her, tasting her sweetness. “…your gorgeous, pink pussy.”

“I thought I was going to be on top?”

He undid his jeans and slid them down to reveal his hard cock. He lay beside her and finished undressing. She climbed back on top of him and started to run her fingers up and down the shaft of his penis. “Do you want to wear a condom?”

“What?”

“I’ve just noticed that we’re not using them as much.”

“You’re an unwanted pregnancy just waiting to happen, aren’t you?” He reached over and opened the bedside drawer. “If you don’t put it on, I will.”

She reached into the drawer and took out the usual foil packet, rolling it down his cock before she inserted him into her. With force she started riding him, gasping every time she took as much of him as she could. She started pleasuring herself as he repositioned his legs, thrusting into her. She collapsed on top of him, letting out a cry as she came.

“Spank me,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Fucking spank me. I’ve been a bad girl, Daddy, and I need a fucking spanking.”

He pushed her onto the bed. He turned her onto her stomach and slapped her ass as hard as he could. “If you keep this up, I’m going to have to tie you up and fuck you on the piano again.” He growled as he reentered her, fucking her from behind until he came, biting her as his seed left him.

Later that night, they lay in the bath together, hearing the rain beat down on the city. She snuggled into his chest on the verge of falling asleep. “When do you want to start a family?”

He brushed her hair away from her neck. “I don’t know. I guess we could start at anytime. How long do you want to wait?”

“Part of me thinks we should wait a few years, just enjoy each other for awhile. Part of me really wants a baby, though.”

“Well, if you want to, you can stop using birth control and we could call our families up to the city and get married next week at City Hall.”

She thought for a moment. “I’m probably just looking for an excuse for us to fuck all of the time.”

“Maybe. Maybe you want to fuck all the time because you really want a baby. It’s a chicken and egg paradox thing.” He lightly kissed her forehead. “Where do you want to go for our honeymoon? Do you still want to see London?”

“Can’t, at least not next week. I don’t have a passport.”

“Wait…how do you get through the airport?”

“I only fly domestic. You’ve seen me use my driver’s license. Anyway, if we do go somewhere, I was thinking maybe Thailand or something. We could do both.”

She sat thinking for a moment. "I wish things would stop being so difficult for us. I wish we got on better."

He gently ran his fingers through her hair. "We do get on well. It's just that every time we seem to have a serious discussion, it gets heated. We're a little too emotional."

"Do you think we should call off getting married until we settle down a bit?"

"I don't know. That might never happen. We've been together nearly eight months and it hasn't seemed to ease off."

She let off a long defeated sigh. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be together.”

“Is it another man?"

"WHAT!?" She jolted away from him. "Are you being fucking serious right now?" She got out of the tub, furiously wrapping a towel around herself. "You were in me not even three hours ago. Do you really fucking think that I would still be sleeping with you if I was even considering leaving you for another man?” She stormed into the bedroom.

He grunted in frustration before he got out of the tub and followed her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He stopped when he found her crying on the bed.

“I can’t do this. All I feel like we’re doing is delaying the evident.”

“THEN JUST FUCKING DUMP ME THEN!” He slammed his fist on the doorframe. “If you’re only waiting for us to break up, just fucking do it already. You had your fun; you got to feel like your were some kind of romantic heroine. Now you can go marry some dickhead in finance and go live Rhode Island or something.

“Rhode Island is too far away—“

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE!” He threw open a drawer and violently took out a pair of pyjama pants. He put them on, then ripped the quilt from the bed. “If you give a shit, I’ll be downstairs.”

Ellie sat at her desk typing. She had awoken that morning to find JC gone. She floated through her morning routine and arrived at work on time. She scrolled through the article she was typing, checking for grammatical mistakes as she heard a familiar voice.

“Lizzie.”

She groaned as she turned to see Miles standing in the middle of her office. “What are you doing here?”

He readjusted the purple tie under his grey suit. “My boss is in town on business. I thought it would be OK if I came to see you during lunch.”

“It’s not OK. I don’t want to see you.”

“But I want to see you. I still love you. I never should have married Molly Sue. I should've tried to win you back. I should've made you stay back home.” He straightened his green tie again. “I’m not ready to become a father. Run away with me.”

“NO! You’ve made your fucking bed, now you can lie in it.”

He pulled her out of her chair and threw her against the wall, a feeling of dread coming over her. He pressed his body against hers. He grabbed her jaw, forcing his mouth on hers. “I don’t think you heard me, Lizzie. I love you. You promised that you would be my wife.”

“But I’m with JC now.”

“He doesn’t love you. He’ll never love you, not like I do.”

She used all of her strength to push Miles off her, throwing him onto the opposite wall. “GET OFF ME!” She stepped towards the stairwell, turning to find him standing, holding a pistol in his hand.

“If I can’t have you, no one can.” A gunshot rang out as a flash of light filled the room.

She sat in a hospital bed, Craig spoon-feeding her orange jello. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. You were shot.”

She felt a sting not unlike the bee sting she had at camp when she was 11 in her left arm. “Where’s my mom?”

“We couldn’t reach Josh. We tried to call him, but we kept getting his answering machine.” Maurice mushed up the green jello before he offered her a spoonful. “Your dad will be here in a moment.”

JC ran down the corridor, into the view of the room’s window.

“WAIT! JOSH! JC! I’M IN HERE,” she screamed as she watched him look around the corridor.

She awoke suddenly. She was lying naked in a bath towel, her pillow wet. She touched her left arm, feeling her unbroken skin. “Shit…”

JC was lying on the couch, watching a replay of a football game on TV, a purring Linus sleeping in front of him on the quilt.

“Baby?” Ellie called out in worry. She carefully stepped down the stairs, wearing his sweater from before. “Baby, are you OK?”

He muted the TV. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

She crawled on top of him. “I’m sorry. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I’m so scared I’m going to lose you. Sometimes, I get real stupid and think that if I’m the one who gives you up, it might not hurt as much. You’re one of the few things I feel like I can’t get back or replace.”

“You’ve already won me back once.” He turned over, putting his arms around her. “Who’s to say you wouldn’t be able to do it again?”

"Why did you take me back?"

"I liked you...I also hated the idea of going through another break up so soon after another one."

They lay in silence for a moment, only the sound of Linus jumping from the couch and sharpening his claws on his cat tree filling the apartment. "I'm not happy. I don't mean it as in I'm not happy with you. I mean it in a sense that I feel like I should be happier." She turned her head and kissed his chest. "You're the love of my life, and we're getting married and all I can think about is the thousand of ways this could blow up in my face."

"You can't be ecstatic about everything all the time."

"Yeah, but I feel like things should be better, they should feel better."

"Baby, look at me." He gently lifted her chin. "We're not perfect, our relationship isn't perfect, but it's the best we can do. All of this is the best we can do, and I'm happy with it, just like I'm happy with you. You're not perfect and I'm OK with that. I didn't fall in love with you because you were this carbon copy of the ultimate woman. I fell in love with you because you're exactly who you are, no one else. One thousand shit days with you is worth one perfect day with you or anyone else. You're exactly who I want you to be, my Ellie, no one else, and I don't want it any other way."

"OK."

"Baby...baby, listen to me." He sat up and pulled her until she was sitting across from him. He placed his hands on each side of her cheeks, pressing his nose to hers. "It's OK, we're OK."

"What if you're just saying this shit so I'll stay with you?"

"If I knew you weren't in love with me, I would let you go."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Are you saying I would force you to stay with me so I could drag you along, slowly crushing your spirit, or something?"

"Well...yeah."

He got off the couch, taking her hand and removing her engagement ring. "Fine, I'm done. It's over, we're over. We're not getting married and I want you out by Monday."

"...baby."

"No, I'm being serious. If you genuinely don't want to be with me, you can go. Be free."

She sat in silence, her mind blank with shock. "No, I love you."

"You can love someone you don't want to be with."

"OK, then I'm not leaving."

"I'll have you removed."

Tears came to her eyes. "I...What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to choose what you want, what you truly want more than anything else and I want you to follow that. But, BUT, if you don't choose me, it's over. I'm not giving you another chance."

"But..."

"I already gave you two, no more."

She made a confused whimper. "I...I can fix it. Let me fix it."

"Then choose me."

She nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yeah."

"HA! I fucking knew it." He bent down and kissed her.

"Was that a prank?"

"I don't know what that was." He stood over her, holding her in his arms.

"It's one of the shittiest things you've ever done."

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again." He gently kissed the crown of her head.

“Can I have my ring back?”

He got down on one knee, holding the ring out to her. “Will you marry me?”

She made a gasp of feigned shock. "Really? Me?"

"Yes, you." He slipped the ring on her finger.

"Why, isn't this the most beautiful and decadent ring I have ever seen?" She giggled as she kissed him.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, it is."

Tuesday, October 18th, 2005.

JC and Justin were drinking tea at the kitchen table as Ellie returned home from work. “Where’s my baby?” Ellie stopped as she saw the two of them.

“Hey. How was your day?” JC greeted her as she placed her keys on the table by the living room entrance.

“Good, I had to go and help Maurice buy a coffee pot for the breakroom during lunch. Where’s Linus? He usually meets me at the door.”

“Right here.” Justin pointed to the purring mass in his lap. “If you don’t mind, we fed him around 15 minutes ago. He’s the most lovely kitty.”

“Uh…thanks.” Ellie took off her jacket with a befuddled look. “I’ll tell him that.”

“JC was telling me that you hand-reared him as a kitten.”

“Um, yeah. I was volunteering at the veterinarian hospital that takes care of my mom’s horses for a school paper assignment over the 1999-2000 winter break. Someone brought him in just before Christmas. He would’ve been three weeks then.”

“Do you know what happened to his mother?”

“No idea. They just found him underneath a house. They couldn’t find anyone to foster him, so I volunteered.”

“Where did the name Linus come from?”

“They brought him in wrapped in a blue baby blanket. Louis, the head vet, just started calling him Linus. I guess it just stuck.” Ellie lifted her briefcase onto the table and started sifting through her work papers, trying to make herself look busy and unconcerned by their surprise guest. “It’s nice of you to stop by. You haven’t seen the apartment yet, have you?”

“Yeah. You’ve done a great job with the place.”

“Um, thanks. Uh…I was just about to put dinner on. I mean you can stay if you want, I don’t mind, but it’s OK if you have other plans. I was thinking spaghetti, maybe.”

“Sure, thanks.”

JC collected the mugs off the table and put them into the sink. “Justin came over this afternoon with some ideas for a song. Since I was in town, he was wondering if I wanted to work on it with him.”

Ellie nodded her head. “Great.”

“I’m also starting a label. I also came here to offer JC a deal, if that’s what he wants.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I’ll have to talk it over with Eric first. It’s another option though.” JC returned to his seat by Justin. “I was actually hoping maybe the two of you could talk things over a little bit, address the issues you have with each other. The two of you are both very important to me, and I want you to get along.”

Ellie sat at the table across from JC. “OK.”

Justin did his best to straighten himself without disrupting Linus. “I know I’ve said some things in the past that may have offended you and I’m very sorry for that. But I’ve been trying really hard to be nice to you and you keep treating me like a jerk.”

“Excuse me..?”

“That’s the thing, Ellie.” JC drew a circle into the tabletop with his fingertip. “He’s trying to be nice and you always flare up at him. I know he reminds you a lot of Miles—“

“He doesn’t remind me of Miles.”

“You said he did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. After the game.”

“I said he was a lot like Miles. I didn’t say he reminded me of Miles.”

“It’s the exact same thing.”

“No, it isn’t.”

JC sighed in frustration, running his fingers through his hair. Justin tried to move the conversation forward. “OK, well what things do I do that remind you of your ex?”

“Miles was…is…can be extremely manipulative. Some of the things you’ve said and done are rather similar to some of the stuff he would pull.”

“Like what?”

“A lot of what you say to me is very passive aggressive and backhanded, like you’re trying to eat away at my confidence—“

“I’m not trying to.”

“Let me finish.” Ellie pulled the sleeve of her sweater over her hand, tucking the other into it. “Also, thinking back on it, the roses and the necklace were very similar to something Miles would do. If he knew he had done something wrong, he would try to buy my forgiveness.”

“I didn’t mean it in that way,” Justin tried to defend himself. “I thought we got off on the wrong foot, and I was just trying to smooth things over.”

“Another thing about that, Miles would do everything he could to assert himself over other guys.” Ellie explained, “Buying me things I know JC wouldn’t get me makes it look like you’re trying to do the same.”

“I have a girlfriend. I love Cameron very much and I wouldn’t dream of hurting her or trying to come between the two of you.”

JC furrowed his brow and angled his jaw, silently making his feelings known.

“It doesn’t matter. My main priority in this relationship is JC and how he feels. I don’t care how you feel in this situation.”

“Well, if JC and I become business partners again, we’re going to have to find a way to get on. Especially if you want to be his wife.”

“I’m not going away just because you don’t like me. I’m here as long as Joshua wants me here.”

“I think that’s up to JC.” Justin put emphasis on JC’s initials. “We’ve been best friends for thirteen years now. I only want what’s best for him.”

“Mmm…I wonder if Tony agrees.”

JC got up from the table and got a large saucepan from a kitchen cabinet, banging it into the sink as he filled it with water. “WILL YOU TWO JUST FUCKING STOP IT!?”

Linus awoke in fright, running underneath the couch away from the noise. Justin turned to follow him.

“Leave him,” Ellie advised, “unless you want him to claw your face off.”

Later that night, after Justin left and a little too much wine, Ellie finished tying JC’s hands behind the dining chair he was sitting on shirtless. He repeated the ground rules Ellie had for what was about to play out. “OK, so you can touch me all you want, but I can’t touch you?”

Ellie placed a bowl of ice onto the end table behind him. “Yeah. I can do whatever I want to you, but you can’t touch me.”

“Why are we doing this?”

“Because you need to be punished. You’ve been a very bad man, and you need to be disciplined.”

“Can’t you just spank me or something?”

She kissed him. “I’m afraid that just won’t be enough this time. You’ve made me feel very uncomfortable these last few weeks, and now I get to make you feel the same.”

She walked over to the stereo and pressed play. She slowly grooved her hips as she danced for him, turning away as she undid her skirt, stepping out of it. She leaned against the back of the couch, twisting as she squatted down, bouncing a few times before she stood back up, revealing a hint of her black panties. She stepped towards him, slowly undoing each button of the white dress shirt of his she had chosen that morning. She towered over him as she finished, running her fingers up the lace bodice she had underneath, touching herself the way she knew he would if he could. She slowly slipped the shirt off, dropping it to the floor behind her. She unclipped the suspenders from her stockings and started to undo the bodice from the front, making sure she was as close to him as she could get without being in contact with him. She stepped away from him, playing with her breasts before she let the garment drop behind her. She turned away from him and let down her hair, shaking it free as she started to pull down her panties. She bent over to make sure he saw her pussy, holding her ass in front of his face.

“Fuck…” he whispered as she sat on his lap, murmuring as she felt his cock through his jeans. She grinded into him a few times before she stood back up, standing over him as she reached over to grab a cube of ice. She lightly traced his lips, running it down his neck and stomach. She kneeled down in front of him and licked the trail of water through the hair on his abdomen. She bit lightly underneath his belly button, looking up at him, biting her lip as he attentively watched. She guided the cube underneath his waistband, smiling as he flinched. She bit the top of his fly and pulled each button apart, revealing the hardening bulge of black cotton. She flicked her tongue along the shaft peeking out of the opening in the front of his briefs. She pulled down the band and traced her tongue along his length as she pulled his cock out. She rubbed her fingers up and down the shaft as she took the engorged head into her mouth. She moaned as she played with him, licking him, sucking him, kissing him. She deep-throated him exactly six times, listening to him, trying to gauge if he was going to come. She withdrew the throbbing organ from her mouth, looking up at him and the want in his eyes.

“Baby…please?” he whispered stupidly. She dropped him into his lap and stood up. She inched as close to him as she could. She grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pressed his face into her pubic mound.

“Can you smell it?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to taste it?”

He murmured in agreement. He lightly touched her pussy with his tongue before she pulled it away.

“Tough.” She groaned as she played with her breasts before she started rubbing her pussy, gripping the chair. She cried out as she reached climax, spreading her wetness over her bare skin. She ran her fingers across his mouth as she dared him to taste her.

He snapped, freeing himself from her restraints and pulling her into his lap. He pressed her body as close to himself as he could as he kissed her. “Fuck me now. If you don’t, I will bend you over this chair and do it myself.”

She giggled as he tenderly kissed her neck and shoulders. She brushed her hair behind her and kissed him, softly flicking his tongue with hers. She kissed his neck as he held her, pressing into the flesh of her waist with his fingers. He motioned her up, guiding himself into her. “Slowly, make this last as long as you can.”

She started slowly pulling herself upwards, pushing back down before he left her. She stopped as he grunted, waiting until he signalled her to start again.

“Go on.” He beckoned her, tightening his grip on her as he came closer to climax. “Stop.” He let out a pained exhale as she stopped.

“It’s OK if you finish.” She pressed her lips to his. “Show me how much you love me.” She held him close as she started again. He dug his fingers into her as he burned, crying out as he finally came. They sat there, holding each other and kissing as they came back down from their high.

She stood up when she felt she was steady enough to. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her from getting away from him. “Bend down,” he growled.

“Oh, God,” she whispered as she laid herself over his lap. He swiftly spanked her ass exactly six times.

“That’s for not letting me come.”

Monday, October 31st, 2005 - Halloween.

Ellie carefully undid her hair from each of the hot rollers and pinned the ringlets back into a bun at the back of her head. JC struggled to put on a pair of white riding pants. “How…do…you…get…comfortable in…these?” He flopped onto the bed. “Any advice?”

“I thought you liked tight pants?”

“I do, just not this tight. How does your mama wear these everyday?”

She pried a hairpin open with her teeth as she set a ringlet in place. “She sometimes wears jeans. Granted, there are certain appendages you have that she doesn’t.”

“I always wondered, why is there leather on the inside thighs?”

“To prevent chaffing, you’ve never dealt with saddle sore?”

He changed the subject. “What did you go as for Halloween last year?”

“Um, Catwoman. I was straight out refusing to do anything until Craig pressured me to. He always wanted to go as Selina Kyle from the classic series and he jumped at the opportunity to dress me up.” She wrapped a light blue ribbon around her head twice, pinning it into her hair. “It was just a black turtleneck, some pants, and the ears. Nothing too much, it was more about the hairstyle for Craig than anything.”

“I would’ve liked to have seen that.”

“Well, you could’ve. But you had to spend last year with…” She bared her teeth in disgust and whined. She watched him button up his fly. “Just a tip, it’s easier to tuck the shirt in before you do the fly up.”

“Why do I even need to wear this?” He shook the white dress shirt and put it on.

“Because I haven’t done a couples costume since 1999, and I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Didn’t you and…”—he made the same noise she just had made as she alluded to his ex as he referred to hers—“ever do this.”

“No. We were always Sandy and Danny from Grease or a football player and cheerleader. You know, typical American masculine archetypes and the female equivalents.”

“You would’ve made a sexy cheerleader.”

“No, I wouldn’t have. Let’s not forget how grossly uncoordinated I am.”

“I said sexy. I didn’t mention anything about good.” He tucked the ascot underneath his waistcoat. “You know, I don’t think you’re that uncoordinated.”

“My dance teacher said I was. I think her exact words were ‘uncoordinated little pig.’” She stood up and took off the towel protecting the white, long-sleeved gown with sparse blue floral print she had hired for the occasion. “Someone with so little patience for small children shouldn’t be teaching beginners ballet.”

He straightened his waistcoat after he put on the riding boots. “So…what do you think?”

She kissed him gently on the lips, trying not to smear her lipstick. “Rather dashing, I think.”

They made their way downstairs and fed Linus before they set off, JC helping Ellie put on the overcoat he had worn the night they spent together on the 17th of February that she had claimed as her own. “I can’t wait for the snow to start falling this year. It’s always gets so pretty in winter.”

“Yeah…you know, this will probably be my first real northern winter since ‘98-99. I’ll have to take you down to D.C. for a few days.”

“I’d love that.” She watched as he locked the door and tucked the keys into his makeshift frock coat.

He offered out his arm. “Miss Bennet.”

She took his offer, intertwining her fingers with his as she locked her elbow in his. “Mr. Darcy.”

He kissed her lightly on her temple as they made their way to the elevator. “We are such fucking nerds.”

Chapter 18 - Love, American Style...Or Something...

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004.
"'With all the multi-hyphen,' wait...what? 'talented celebrities such as P. Diddy & Jennifer Lopez trying their hand at fashion lines, is that something you are interested in doing?'" Ellie scratched a reference number into her notepad, waiting for JC's answer.
"No. I'm not that interested in clothes, really."
"There's not anything you would ever want on a t-shirt?"
"Is there anything you would want to put on a t-shirt?"
Ellie stopped and thought for a moment. "'Come down South with me.' But in a double entendre way."
"Are you coming onto me, Miss Argyle?"
A flush of rosiness flooded her cheeks. "No."

She flipped through her notepad to check her final questions. "OK, these are just some stupid questions we do at the end of every interview. We might use them in this column; we might use them in a Q and A collection thing. Firstly, 'What is the most useless piece of information you could tell me right now?'"
"Um..." He thought for a moment. "Uh...slinkies were invented by the government."
"Actually, they were invented by a naval engineer during the Second World War. He was trying to find a way to secure equipment on ships."
"How do you know that?"
"I read a lot, picking up useless crap here and there."
"OK, then." He shifted his weight in his seat. "What's the most useless piece of information you can tell me right now?"
"I don't know; the naval engineer one was rather useless." She jotted down his answer.  "OK, final question: What's the stupidest joke you know?"
"What's the stupidest joke you know?"
She smiled. "It's stupid."
He took his sunglasses off and leaned towards her. "That's the point."
She paused for a moment. "OK, what looks like poster tack, smells like poster tack, tastes like poster tack, but isn't poster tack?"
"I don't know, generic poster tack?"
She sat there with a smile of embarrassment. "Smurf poo."

He paused, snorting before breaking out in giggles.
"See, I told you it was stupid."
"It's...it's...not that." He tried to steady himself.
"I don't know what you're going on about. It's the lamest joke ever." She nervously readjusted her t-shirt.
He watched her as she compulsively smoothed down her clothes. Holy fuck, she's adorable, he thought, his phone buzzing in his pocket.
He checked the text. 'R U available 2nite? Shorty misses U xxx.'
Shit, he thought to himself. He typed out a response. 'I'm not sure, Eva.' He tucked away his phone, finding Ellie doing the same.
"Apparently, my next interview is going to be late."
"OK." He got out of his chair, placing his hand on her wrist. "Do you want to meet the director?"


Saturday, November 5th, 2005.
JC and Ellie sat on the wicker couch in Marianne's office, JC shifting his weight in an attempt to get more comfortable.
"Going through your questionnaires from our initial appointment," Marianne said as she sat in her chair across from them, "there are some good things there, a lot of shared values and what not. There're also some worrying things, though. I'm not going to bombard you with the heavy stuff now; we'll gradually work through those things in our own time.
"I need you to know that this isn't like treating a cold or something. I won't just give you a quick fix and then everything will be better. What I hope to do is help you develop the tools you need to have a long and happy relationship and marriage."
They both nodded their heads in agreement.
"What I want to do today is get a little more comfortable with each other, but I also want to us to find a positive place that we can go back to if things do start becoming hard for you. I want to know what attracted you to each other in the first place; Ellie?"
"Um...he has nice hair...I don't know."
"Was there anything about his personality?"
"I liked talking to him, I guess. He's very smart and funny, but not pretentiously so."
Marianne scribbled into a moleskine notebook. "What about you, JC?"
"She's adorable."
Ellie turned to look at him in confusion. "Um...OK?"
He picked at his fingernails. "What? I like you because you're cute."
"You don't think I'm smart or funny or a good person or something like that?"
"Well, yeah, all of those things. But the main reason why I like you is because you're cute."
"OK, then." Ellie sunk into her seat.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing." She picked at the sleeve of her sweater.
"Then why are you slouching?"
"I'm not slouching."
"You are, you've gone into a funk." He turned to Marianne. "She does this thing where even though I compliment her, I tell her she's cute, I tell her she's beautiful, I tell her she's got a nice ass, she always rejects them."
"I just don't agree with you, that's all."
He grunted in frustration. "It doesn't matter if you do. I'm saying those things because they're my opinion."
"Do I need to thank you every time you reduce me to a frivolous trait?"
He covered his eyes with his hand. "Oh, God."
She sat up. "I don't just want to be just those things to you. I want to be more than just cute with a nice ass—"
"You can be both! You can be intelligent and professionally accomplished and have a nice ass! The two isn't mutually exclusive."
"Aren't! The two aren't mutually exclusive!"
He turned to Marianne. "This is our problem: she has a really shit temper. If you can fix that, we could last forever."

JC and Ellie walked back out to the street after their counselling appointment. "Do you want to go to that place on 42nd Street, the soul kitchen place?"
JC put his hands into his overcoat pockets. "Yeah, might as well."

Ellie tucked her purple scarf into her coat as he hailed a cab. They walked into the diner and sat at their usual booth. She placed her purse beside her, sitting with one leg underneath her butt. "Someone left a copy of Bullshit Weekly." She placed the tabloid in front of her and gazed over the cover. "’Eva and Tony's Romantic Getaway.’"
"Don't read that shit."
"Why not? Most of it's either lies or planted stories by publicists." She flipped through the magazine and started reading the copy aloud. "Devious Housewives star Eva Bitchface and Spurs Player Tony Whatshisface spent a weekend at the luxurious Pearl Sands Resort in Hawaii, catching waves and being loved up. They enjoyed the sand, surf, and sunsets as they hiked and whale watched. Eva looked stunning all weekend as she showed of her hot bod in designer bikinis and down-to-earth sundresses. You can take the girl outta Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl." Ellie looked at the pictures, commenting, "I don't know how things are in Texas, but I wouldn't call a $500 sundress down to Earth...Do you think she knows that the surgeon put her boobs in too far apart?"

He leaned over the table. "No, as far as I know, she loves them."
"Were they really that great? Like, sexiest woman alive great?"
"I don't know; sexiness is subjective."
"Is she sexier than me?"
"I'm not answering that question."
"Fine. Am I sexier than her?" She leaned back into the booth.
"Now that I know what you're capable of, sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"No one can be sexy all the time. Anyway, I'm not with you because you're sexy; I like you because you're cute."
"Like in a 'not pretty enough' cute, or a 'fluffy bunny' cute?"
"In an 'adorable personality' cute. You're very pretty."
"I'm not pretty."
"You're stunningly beautiful."
"No, I'm not. I'm an 'adorable personality' kind of gal." She leaned her head into her hand as she flipped through the pages. "I hate this shit." She placed the magazine back where she found it with disgust.

Thursday, February 17th, 2005.
Ellie leaped out of her chair as her cubicle phone rang. "Hello, this is Elizabeth Argyle for Clefnotes Magazine: Style section. How may I help you?"
"Hey, I'm in town. Want to get something to eat?"
"Um, JC...I, I get off...I mean...my lunch break is in a quarter of an hour. How close are you to Central Park?"
"My hotel's on Vanderbilt Avenue. I don't know how far that is from where you are."
"Oh! You're only a few blocks away. My office is on 52nd Street. I know this place right near Grand Central Station. Do you think you'll be able to get down to 42nd Street?"
"Possibly..."

They sat across from each other, awkwardly fiddling with the tableware. Ellie tore apart a breadstick. "You know, I don't know if it's just me, but I like it when breadsticks actually feel like bread, not just long crackers." She made a measuring gesture with her two pointer fingers, smiling awkwardly as she chewed her mouthful.
"I don't really care either way." JC readjusted his sweater for the eighty-ninth time. "You say the chicken and dumplings soup is good here?"
"Yeah, it's what I usually get. It's just a chicken noodle thing with dumplings instead of the noodles. It has a great broth, though."
"Mm..." He nodded his head.

She readjusted herself as his cellphone started to ring. He checked it, silenced it, then put it back into his pocket.
"Who's Eva?"
"Just a record executive. I'll get back to her later."
"OK..." She looked around the cafe, trying to find a reason to break the silence. "How did you spend Valentine's?"
"I spent it at home alone. For some reason, I had the most intense hangover."
She perked right up as she saw that he was trying to make a joke. "Oh my God! So did I. I flew from L.A. to New York, then I picked up my cat from my boss's place, then I spent the rest of the day home alone."
"Did your arms hurt?"
"What?"
"Did your arms hurt? When you flew from..." He trailed off in embarrassment.
She pursed her lips in an amused smile. "You're lucky I've already put out."

They walked back into the street just after 1pm. He adjusted the beanie on his head as she wrapped her scarf around her neck. Unknowingly, they shared the same feeling in the pits of their stomachs of not wanting to end their date.
"Sooo..." She turned to face him. "What was this?"
"What was it to you?"
"If you're thinking of it in a more casual sense, it was a nice lunch, but if you're thinking about it in a more, um, serious way...it's the best date I've had for awhile." She looked up at him, his small smile spreading out into a grin. "Shit."
His face fell. "What?"
"I've got fucking butterflies...I really like you. You're really cute, you know."

He took her hands into his. She was surprised by their clamminess despite the cold. She gave off a long exhale as he stepped closer to her.
"When do you have to be back at your office?"
"I don't know. We go to print tomorrow, but—" She tightened her body as he kissed her, feeling her knees go weak. "I should really be getting back now," she mumbled. She tried to steady herself, leaning into his chest, stepping back as she realised what she was doing.
"My hotel's not that far; we'll be done within the hour."
She quickly rummaged through her purse for a pen and a piece of paper. "This is my address. I should be off work by 7pm. Um..."
He leaned back in, his lips hovering above hers.
"Please don't kiss me again." She whispered, "I'll never be able to leave if you do."
"But, that's what I want." He grazed his lips across hers. "One last kiss."

She parted her mouth slightly as he waited for her to kiss him. She stood up on tiptoe and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips to his, his tongue lightly touching hers. "Fuck," she murmured as he let her go, smiling and waving as he walked off.
"See you tonight."
"Um...yeah. Bye." She turned and started off in the opposite direction to him, trying her hardest to compose herself. She only realised when she was halfway back to her office that she was holding his beanie.

Thursday, November 10th, 2005.
Ellie slowly opened the door to find JC sitting by the window reading. She placed her bag and coat down carefully and crept behind him trying not to make a peep. Quickly, she pulled his knitted cap over his eyes. "Guess who?"
"Vladimir the Impaler?"
"Nope." She folded the seam upwards. "Hey."
"Hey. How was work?"
"Good. We're starting to look at the options for stories for our January issue."
"Cool; anything interesting?"
She leaned forward onto the back of the chair, her face hovering above his. "Not really. Maurice is looking into if there's anything to cover in relation to the American Music Awards. Maybe look into the new wave of teen pop stars or something."
"Do you think you're going to be asked to cover it? I mean, do the article."
"Possibly, why?"
"I've been asked if I want to present something. If you have to be in L.A., we could go together. Well, I could take you."
"I won't need that. It'll probably just be an interview of one of the performers beforehand."
"You could still come with me." He guided her hand around the chair until she was sitting in his lap. "Like, as my date."
"I'm not really sure...I don't know if I'm ready for the whole red carpet thing."

He pulled her legs up. "You're not really a celebrity; no one's really going to care if you're there or not."
"Then why do I have to go at all? Why can't I just stay home?"
"I want you there."
"What if I don't want to go? I mean, I've hardly got anything to wear."
"We could get you a dress, a little jewellery. Isaac could do your hair and makeup."
"I don't know. What if Eva's there? Doesn't she go to events like that?"
"Eva would go to an opening of a car door if she knew her picture was going to be in Peephole magazine. It doesn't matter if she's there; I just want you there with me."

She shifted her weight, pulling her sweater down. She buried her head into his shoulder. "I'm not as pretty as she."
"No one cares."
"I do. What about my weirdness? They're going to pick up on that."
"Just stay close to me. If we appear affectionate, they'll just assume it's because we're in love."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, they interpret any contact as 'being in love'. They said we were dating when I dropped you off at the hotel."
"Can I at least think about it?"
"OK, I'm not pressuring you. I would just like it if you came with me, as my date, not just as a member of my crew."
"I don't even know why you would want me to go. It's not like there are benefits of me going. Just let me stay at home."
"I want to show you off."
She got up from the chair and walked over to the kitchen cupboard to feed Linus. "No, you don't. You think you do, but you don't."
He followed her over, leaning on the kitchen bench. "But I do. What's wrong?"

She stood back up from placing Linus's bowl onto the floor, sighing heavily. "She said something about you, about us."
"Who?"
"Eva."
He turned to face her. "OK then, what did she say?"
"She was on some talk show. She said something like when you're dating someone, you don't really realise how much of a downgrade they are until you see who they date after you. Like seeing your ex with someone who's not on your level really makes you thank God that you dodged a bullet there."
"Is that why you've been all weird and insecure these past few days?"
"Honey, I'm weird and insecure all the fucking time. It's my default setting."
"What's the problem you're having with what she said?"
She watched as he repositioned himself on the counter, a look of dismay on his face. "I don't know why you're not bothered by it."
"I just don't care, OK. I don't give a shit what she thinks anymore. If she wants to go on every talk show implying that we're beneath her, then that's her problem, not ours. Our role in this is to rise above it and ignore her."
"Well, what if I can't do that?"
"You're fucking Southern. By your accounts, you out of all people should be able to handle this kind of shit," he said as his tone started to become more irritated. "Ugh, I hate this. I feel like we can't even fight anymore."
She rolled her eyes. "Don't avoid the subject."
"FINE! What the fuck is wrong? Just ask me what you want to know and I'll answer it, OK?"
"Is she better than me?"
"No."
"Why?"
"What part of 'she didn't love me back' don't you understand, huh? I put myself on the line for her and she just saw it as a joke." He walked around the living area, collapsing onto the couch. "I tried to be romantic, I tried to be sweet, and it wasn't enough. 'Baby, why can't you just buy me nice things. What am I supposed to do with poetry?' To make it worse, the very moment she has to sell this sex kitten persona or impress Tony, she starts talking shit like I wasn't good enough, like I wasn't a real man or whatever...I'm just exhausted by all of her bullshit."

Ellie stood silent for a moment, trying to find a reason to change the subject. "I thought you didn't like the romance thing?"
"No, I'm only cutting back on it ‘cause you don't like it."
"What?"
"You said that you don't like it. That you don't trust big romantic gestures."
"If someone used them on you the way Miles did on me, you wouldn't either."
"But that's it. I don't want to use them the way he did. I want to make you stuff, I want to write you corny poetry and paint for you. But because of this whole shit, I feel like I shouldn't even bother."
"Wait...you want to paint for me? When do you have time to paint?"

He left the room, walking into the office. After a few moments of moving things around, he reentered the room holding a canvas. He forcefully placed it on the table in front of her.
"Oh, God..." She covered her mouth in shock as she stepped closer to study it. The canvas showed her in profile, painted in watercolour, cream making up her skin tone, golden tan for the loose curls falling from her bun, light blue for her eyes and rose pink for her lips. The outline was drawn over it in black ink.

"So...what do you think?" he asked, tensely.
"I don't know what to say...It's impressionist inspired, isn't it?"
"You think it's shit."
"No...I...I just never thought you saw me that way."
"What way? Like you're beautiful? I've told you every day for the last nine months that you're beautiful."
"Can we hang it up?"
"Where?"
"We'll find a place." She outstretched her arms to him. "Come here."

She took him into her arms, making a contented squeak as he held her. She stood on tiptoe to kiss his forehead. "Is that the only one?"
"There's a few more, mainly sketches."
She looked up at him. "Nothing dirty?"
"No, I wouldn't do that."
"This is probably one of the best things anyone's ever done for me. When did you start, drawing me, I mean?"

Thursday, February 24th, 2005.
JC carefully drew the curve of Ellie's nose onto the sketch he was doing of her lying beside him on the couch, resting her head on his stomach as she read. She raised her knees as she repositioned her legs, turning them the other way.
"I was wondering, do you ever feel like you're taking a warm nap when you're with someone?" JC asked as he spiralled a loose strand of hair onto the pad.
"What?" She turned to look at him in confusion.
"Like, you know the feeling that you get when you take an afternoon nap on a cold day, when you're all snuggled up in your blankets all safe and stuff. Do you ever feel like that when you're with a person?"
"I don't know, why?"
"I don't know, just asking. I want to get to know you a little better."
"What's there to know? You already know that my name's Elizabeth, but I prefer to go by Ellie. I'm from Baton Rouge. My mom studs racehorses and my dad shares his time between the ranch and my granny's diner. I went to LSU and studied journalism. I was a Girl Scout and I only went to camp once when I was eleven, but I came home early because of a bee sting. I like to read and I have a cat named Linus. I'm not some complicated puzzle you need to solve."
"I think you are."
"I'm not, OK." She grunted as she sat up. "It's not a compliment to say that a girl is like that."
"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that you seem like you're...I don't know, guarded, I guess, and I want to know what you're protecting."
"I'm not protecting anything." She laid back down.
"OK, so why are you so touchy about certain things?"
"I'm not. I'm being very upfront with you."

He paused, watching her as she went back to her book. "What do I need to do to make you fall for me?"
"I'm not falling for you."
"Do you even care about me?"
"I don't know." She stared onto the page, focusing on the same word as she avoided eye contact with him.
"What's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you?"
"I don't like romantic gestures. I can't help but think a guy's always hiding behind them. 'Oh, you brought home a bouquet of roses? What did you do? Who did you fuck?'"
"OK, so if you're not interested in a relationship, why are you here?"
"Because it's cheaper than a hotel..." She paused.
"And..?"
"And what?"
"Why else are you here?" He started tickling her.
"Stop it!" she squealed.
"Admit it then."
She laid on top of him, until her nose was lightly touching his. "Admit what?"
"That I'm the best lover you've had in awhile."
"No. You're the best fuck I've had in awhile, but we haven't made love, so we're not lovers yet."
"I don't know what you classify as lovemaking, but I've made love to you."
"When?"
"Last night. Also on the seventeenth; I made love to you then."
"How can you even tell the difference?"
"You just can, you know? It's how you feel about that person."
"Well, then, I've never felt that way."
"I think you're lying."
"No, I'm not."
"OK, so if you don't feel that way about me, you'll be OK with it if you can never kiss me again."
"I'm fine with that."
"OK, then..." He went quiet, lightly brushing his nose to hers as she stared down at him. "I dare you to not to kiss me."
"What do I get if I win?"
"I'll fuck your brains out, but you can't address me, look at me or kiss me. If I win, I get to make love to you again...slowly."

He waited as she tried to put as much distance between them. She slowly drew closer to him as she tried to fight the growing ball of anticipation in her gut until she was as near to him as she could be without their lips touching. She slowly let out a long breath, coming to terms with her defeat.
"Goddamn it," she mumbled as she placed her lips onto his, shivering as he placed his hand on her neck, moaning as his lips caressed hers. She used her thumb to open his mouth wider as she pressed her mouth to his, running her tongue along his. She bit his lip as she withdrew, whispering, "Fuck..."
"Is that a statement, or a request?"

Monday, November 21st, 2005.

Jules made his way up to the master bedroom, carefully balancing a black garment bag on his arm. "I've got it. It took me awhile find one available in Ellie's size; I had to drive halfway across the city, but I found it." He hung up the bag and unzipped it, carefully removing a mid-length strapless dress made of black silk and chiffon.
"You didn't need to go to all of that trouble," Ellie said as Isaac slowly brushed out a curl of hair. "I would've been OK wearing anything."
"No, it needs to be this dress. It matches your form and temperament perfectly. It's Chanel, and I will not hear another word of objection." He started to rearrange the pants, shirt and jacket laid out for JC on the bed. "It is your red carpet debut, you need to look your best. Did you two do everything I asked you to?"
"Yep," Isaac replied as he started to pin back Ellie's curls into a half up, half down do, "manicure, pedicure: dark red, spray tan, an ungodly amount of makeup and makeup brushes, the right lingerie: black lace corset thing and matching..." He awkwardly trailed off.
"Panties," Ellie interjected.
"Ugh, I hate that word. Why do you think it's sexy?"
"’Cause it's kind of fancy and dirty at the same time."
"OK, OK, that's great, but did you get the shoes?" Jules asked.
Isaac motioned over to the black shopping bag at the foot of the bed. "Yep, the black Louboutins. They're by the bed."

Jules carefully lifted the plain brown box out of the bag. He excitedly took in a deep breath before he lifted the lid, exhaling in delight as he opened the paper to reveal the red fabric bag. He squealed as he delicately lifted the right shoe out and turned it around to look at the details. He caressed the stitching, the black patent leather straps on the toe and ankle, the stamping on the insoles and the blood red sole.
"I want to worship this shoe as my God," he proclaimed as he held the stiletto up like a relic. "This, this, is why I became a stylist." He pointed over to Ellie. "Promise me that you'll never leave me. JC never wears anything this fancy."

Isaac removed the towel from Ellie's shoulders. "I think I'm done. I'll need to retouch your lipstick, but you're good to go."
Ellie turned around to look at his handiwork. She angled her head around, lifting her eyebrows to see the delicate cat-eye of liquid liner and gradient of charcoal and silver eyeshadow. "I look like Britney Spears."
"Is that a good thing?" Isaac inquired. "I don't have time to change it."
"No, it's good." She batted her fake eyelashes. "Thank you."

Jules checked the clock on his phone. "We need be there within the hour. You'll be OK getting dressed on your own, right?"
"Yeah. JC still needs to get changed, so if I need help, I can just ask him," Ellie said as she collected the items she needed from around the room.
Isaac and Jules looked at each other apprehensively. "Are you sure?" Isaac asked, a hesitant look on his face.
"Yeah...if I trust him with my clothes, why wouldn't I trust him with this?"
"But that's different," Jules tried to point out.
She sighed. "He's not going to ruin the dress. I'll make sure he won't. There's only one way I can think of him ruining it, and I won't let him do that, OK?"
Isaac reeled his head back in disgust. "Eww..."
"Just go!" Ellie demanded before she took everything into the closet.

The two men slipped out of the room, gently closing the door behind them.
Isaac grabbed Jules's arm before he was able to make his way down the stairs. "Why are you so insistent on Ellie wearing that dress?" he whispered.
"I know for a fact that Eva is wearing this exact same dress tonight. She's going to be fucking pissed if Ellie shows up in it."
"You bitch."
"I know."
"Do you really think Ellie’s going to be able to deal with the confrontation?"
"If she can knock Justin down, she can take on Eva," Jules said as he stepped aside, letting Isaac down the stairs before him.
Isaac turned back to look at him with distaste. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"You OK in there?" JC asked as he changed into what was laid out on the bed for him.
"Yeah." Ellie stepped out of the wardrobe putting in the last of her diamond earrings. She turned to look in the mirror of the dresser and carefully smoothed down the skirt of the dress. "What do you think?" she asked as she turned to him. "It's my first time wearing Chanel."
He turned to look at her as he was putting on his jacket, stopping in shock. "Fuck..."
She stood uncomfortably as silence started to build between them. "Sooo...is dressing like this the only way I can guarantee that will shut you up? ‘Cause that's gonna get impractical."
"You look really nice."
She smiled. "Thanks."

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"How can I kiss you without ruining my lipstick?"
"Like this." He softly kissed her, his chest expanding as he took all of her in; her taste, her smell, her touch and the sound of the small moan she gave off. He opened his eyes to find her opening hers. "You're going to kill me if you keep taking my breath away like that."
She snickered as she snuggled into him before realising how much makeup she was wearing, checking whether or not she had left a mark on his shirt. She looked up at him. "You know, I'm still me under all of this."
"I know. Just like I'm still me under all of this," he reassured her.

He kissed her lightly before he went into the closet, taking a small black box out of his sock drawer. "I got something...borrowed something for you."
"I'm starting to think that if I ever want to snoop for my presents, I should just check your sock drawer."
"You're not going to find all of them in my sock drawer."
"Only the ones small enough to hide in there." She opened the small black box. Inside was an antique diamond ring: a round cut stone of decent size in a halo setting of platinum and a ring of smaller diamonds.
“It’s from the thirties,” he explained. “I only rented it for the night, but if you want to own it, I’d be happy buying it for you."
She instinctively tried the ring on her left ring finger first, comfortably sliding it next to her engagement ring. "It fits perfectly."
"Do you like it?"
She nodded. "It's beautiful."
"Like you."
"Why?"
"When I chose your ring, I wasn't sure you were going to say yes, so I got you something small. Now it's been awhile, I'm starting to regret getting you one so small. I know this one isn't that much bigger, it's not as big as I could go, but I still want you to have something a little more special."
"You already bought it, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I was going to return it if you didn't like it."
"I'll only wear it for tonight, since you gave it to me tonight. But if I'm comfortable with wearing it, if it doesn't feel too impractical, I'll take it as a wedding ring. OK?"
"Yeah, now you just have to find mine."
"I already have yours. I might need to get it resized, though." She lifted his hand by one of his fingers. "I did not anticipate you having such large hands."
"All the better to..." He trailed off, forgetting the line from the fairy tale, mentally inserting his own dirtier ending.
"Hug you with?"
"Yeah...that too."

Later that night, Ellie stood in front of a mirror in the ladies bathroom at an after-party. A petite, black-haired woman entered as she was starting to touch up her lipstick.
"What...the...FUCK?!"
"Excuse me?"
Eva carelessly checked the back of the dress for the tag. "Chanel...I fucking knew it. Do you think this is some kind of sick game?"
Ellie groaned as she realised, through the reflection in the mirror, that she was wearing the same dress as Eva. She went back to reapplying her lipstick. "I'm sorry, am I supposed to know you?"
"You know exactly who the fuck I am!"
Ellie turned to face Eva. She calmly put her lipstick back into her purse and zipped it up. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've been introduced yet."

Eva cocked her jaw as she tried to stand in a defiant pose. Unfortunately, Ellie was still four inches taller than her despite the shoes they were wearing. "Did he put you up to this? Pathetic prick can't even get over me. You know, I thought he was better than that. I guess I was wrong."
Ellie rolled her eyes before she stepped aside to exit the bathroom.
"Cunt," Eva whispered as Ellie passed her.
"A cunt who sucks cock better than you can. Trick is, you actually have to suck it, not just put it into your mouth once." Ellie swiftly opened the bathroom door, making sure it would slam as she exited the room.

JC leaned over the bar as he waited for the bartender to serve him. Eva stormed up next to him. "Do you know what that bitch of yours just said to me?!"
He groaned. "What?"
"That bitch you're fucking; she just confronted me in the bathroom."
"Oh! You mean my fiancée?" JC said in feigned surprise.
"Yes, she just insulted me in the bathroom."
"That's weird, ‘cause she avoids confrontation mostly...unless you provoked her."
"I provoked her?! Why would I do that?!"
JC tapped a coaster on the bar. "You're wearing the exact same dress."
"Oh really? Because I didn't fucking notice that," she snapped in sarcasm, "She did it intentionally, didn't she? Got one of her style section buddies to snoop out the info?"
"My stylist picked it out for her, unsurprisingly enough."
"What does that mean?"
"You know exactly what that means, Eva. He introduced us; he was your friend first."

He straightened himself. "Look, I don't fucking care anymore. I don't care about any of your shit and I'm not waiting for you to come back to me."
"You would like that, wouldn't you?"
"No, I wouldn't. I made my choice; it wasn't you."
He stepped close to her as he used to, as close as he ever would be again. He looked at the face he once loved, forgetting the beauty that was once in her sharp features or the glow in her chocolate brown eyes. "She loves me. That's all I ever wanted. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to." He started to walk away from her, never turning back as she angrily called out to him as he became lost in the party.

JC sat on the edge of the bathtub as he carefully inspected the back of the dress for any damage. "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but she may have snagged the fabric."
"What are you going to do about it?" Ellie asked as she carefully tried to remove her fake eyelashes.
"If I need to pay for anything, I'll try to get her people to reimburse it."
"What about Jules? You need to enforce disciplinary action to show that what he did wasn't OK...Ow!" Ellie looked at the eyelash in her fingers, trying to count how many of her own eyelashes she had pulled out.
"I could take the rental price from his wages, or charge him for the damage. Worst case scenario, I could fire him."
"Would you do that?"
"I don't know. I don't want to be that guy, but I also refuse to tolerate that kind of shit." He took his glasses off. "What would you do?"
She put a few droplets of makeup remover onto a cotton pad. "Fire him. I just can't see that kind of behaviour being OK in any workplace. I wouldn't be comfortable having it in mine."
"The industry's different. People here feed off that shit."
"That doesn't make it right." She tied her hair up and started to lather face wash onto her cheeks. "I've never worked in your industry, but I've never worked anywhere where that kind of behaviour is OK. Sam and Maurice wouldn't put up with it. Grandma Jean certainly would never put up with it."
He stood up and went back into the bedroom, hanging the dress back up. "I don't know. I'll talk to Eric about it before we fly out tomorrow."

She rinsed her face, patted it dry and applied toner and moisturiser. She changed from her lingerie into a pair of oversized underpants and a large LSU t-shirt. She crawled into bed next to him and snuggled into his chest, grunting as she curled into her comfy spot.
"Did she approach you in the bathroom?" he asked.

"Eva?"
"Yeah. She said that you confronted her."
"Well, she confronted me, but I didn't really do anything to diffuse the situation."
"What did you do?" he asked as she turned her head to look up at him.
"I said that to be good at sucking cock, you need to actually suck cock."
He tried to stop himself from laughing. "You shouldn't have said that."
"I don't think either of us are in the right, frankly.”

She crawled on top of him. "Am I a bad person?"
"I don't know, I don't think anyone is one or the other. I think we're all in between."
"You said that I have a shit temper."
"We both have shit tempers. You were just getting on my nerves then."
"Don't be like that."
"Like what?"
"Like that...I don't know."
"What's wrong?" He ran his fingers through her softening curls.
"We're not going to last. When something bad happens to us—"
"Nothing bad has happened to us."
"OK, then. When we fight or get upset or whatever, I just feel like it's just another sign that we're not meant to be together, and I hate it. I love you, I've never loved anyone the way I love you and it's amazing and beautiful, but it's also scary and...and it's just gotten to a point where I would rather not exist than not be with you anymore and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing." She sniffed back her tears.
"It just means that you're in love. Are we still pretending that this is your first time being in love?"
"No." She flared her nostrils.
"Then say it. Say that you were in love with Miles so you let him fuck you up and now you're scared to feel the same way ‘cause you're scared I'm going to do the same."
"I don't want to. I don't want to admit I was ever in love with that cretin."
"OK, then. What was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you? You don't need to say who it was, just tell me what it was."
"What was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you?"
"Bought me a piano for my birthday. Don't deflect the question."

She shifted uncomfortably, wondering whether or not she should tell him. "The first Valentine’s we spent together, '96 it would've been, he taped a note on my locker, telling me to look in the gym. In there he put rose where I was sitting when we got together on prom night. Attached was a card telling me to go to the table we sat at the Monday after for lunch. He had basically set up a scavenger hunt where he put seventeen roses at all of the places he thought were important to us, the library where we would hang out and study, the coffee shop we would go to everyday after school, the bookstore where he bought my first Christmas present. Finally at the movie theatre where we had had our last date, instead of leaving an eighteenth rose, he left a map of Baton Rouge with a red love heart in red marker around our spot, where we would go to have sex under the willow trees by the river. I drove down there to find him underneath our tree holding this pink Valentine’s bear, this incredibly cheap thing that I guess was the only thing he could afford after buying seventeen roses and a road map. That's where he told me he loved me for the first time.
“After the roses died, I kept everything. I slept with that bear every night until we broke up, even when I knew he was with another girl. I even took it up to New York with me at first, brought it back home because, you know, you just take those things with you when you travelling. Four years, five months and three nights I slept with that bear. Five years, two months and four days I put up with his shit, the cheating, the cheap engagement ring, everything and all I got was some secondhand records, a pile of ashes and 40 ounces of cheap malt liquor. Oh, and that one time he gave me mono. I burnt everything. I loved him and he just broke my heart. I know that I have to forgive him, to find salvation, but I just can't admit that I let him do that."

He lay with her, listening as her breathing calmed down, softly stroking her neck with his fingertips. "I don't know what to say."
"Just don't treat me like that. Don't treat me like I'm stupid, that I don't know what you're doing. If you do anything, I'll find out, OK. Don't keep lying to me, tearing me down so you can build me back up. Don't ever tell me that no one will love me like you do. Don't be like him, don't love me like he did."
"I'm not going to. I promise."
"That's the point."

Saturday, March 26th, 2005.
A young brunette couple in their late twenties strolled through Central Park. Every now and then they kissed each other during their conversation. They would occasionally stop to take in small details of the park. They stopped at the middle of a bridge, looking down at the water as a duck swam by with her ducklings.
“Just in time for Easter. New life,” Ellie commented.
JC kissed her temple as he wrapped his arm around her. They continued on, coming across a saxophonist by a fountain in a clearing amongst some pine trees. JC placed what money he had in his pocket into the case before he turned to Ellie.
"May I have this dance?"
"Of course." She slipped her right hand into his left, placing her left onto his arm. They slowly swayed back and forth to the old, forgotten jazz tune. "This song's really pretty."
"Not as pretty as you."
Pink flushed her cheeks. "Stop it."
"I mean it."
"I know. It's just that ladies don't accept compliments."
"I think they do. You're just not used to getting them so you don't know what to do with them."
"Maybe, I don't know." She gently stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist under his jacket. He bundled her up in his jacket and arms, slowing the pace of their rocking as the song changed to a mournful ballad.

Her breathing slowed down, becoming calmer and deeper. She closed her eyes as she hummed along to the tune.
"Do you remember what you asked me back in L.A.? About that feeling you get when you're with someone and it's like taking a warm nap?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Why did you ask me that?"
"I was wondering if you felt the same way about me, that's all," he mumbled.
"I think I do, but not because of the reasons you feel that way."
He stopped, standing still as he held her. "Are you falling for me?"

She looked up, accidentally brushing her nose against his, only seeing his eyes looking down at her. She felt his hands grasp the material of her clothes, patiently yet nervously waiting for her answer. She leaned up to kiss him, stupidly trying to distract him whilst she tried to find it. She would find it there, in how every one of her nerves glowed and danced, tingling at his touch. How she shivered but still perspired. In how she dreaded every nanosecond where their bodies were not touching, yet enjoyed every moment of yearning, knowing that the payoff would be stronger, more intense, worth it.
"Yes."

Chapter 19 - Flaming Bag of Horseshit

Wednesday, November 23rd, 1983.
Ellie got off the school bus and ran up the driveway of her parents’ ranch, the paper turkey she was holding flapping in the wind. She had painstakingly painted it the right shade of reddish brown and glued every construction paper tail feather in place. She swung the door open and called out for her mama, kicking off her rain boots, hanging her light blue pea coat on the hooks by the door and placing her white leather school bag underneath.
"MAMA! I'M HOME! Mama..." She stopped when she saw her mother by the fridge on the phone.
"Shhh! Sorry, Dr. Crilly, my daughter just got home from school." Emily's tone was desperate as she explained the situation. "I believe Annalise has colic. She hasn't stood up or had a bowel movement all day. She has no interest in food or water."
"How can she poop if she not eating, Mama?"
"Shh, baby...There's a lot of money riding on whether or not she delivers this foal, Dr. Crilly." Emily nodded her head a few times and hung up. She walked over to the table where Ellie was sitting. "Baby, who's your best friend at school?"
"I don't know, why?"
"I was wondering, since it's the holiday, if you would like to have a big girl slumber party at her house, tonight."
"I don't want to, Mama. I'll miss Thanksgiving."
"No, you won't, baby. It's just for the night. You'll be home by tomorrow morning. I promise."

Dr. Crilly was your stereotypical Southern doctor, a portly African American who wore sweater vests and business slacks even on a 110-degree day. He was also the finest equine veterinarian in the parish. If your mare was pregnant, you wanted him to oversee her.
He stepped through the back door of the ranch with a furrowed brow. "I'm afraid it is colic, Mrs. Argyle," he crooned in his Creole accent. "I would follow your instinct of watching her tonight. I would hate it if she miscarried."
“Mind your words, the walls have ears.” Emily gestured her head over towards the front hall. "She’s five, Louis. She’s too young to know those sort of things."

"What, Mama?" Ellie sat on the stairs, listening to the hubbub in the kitchen, waiting for Claire's mom to pick her up.

Diana was the only woman not too preoccupied with the holiday to be willing to take her for the night. The rattle of Diana's '68 Impala came up the driveway. Diana and Claire, in matching pink poodle sweaters and tights, got out of the car.

Claire ran up the front porch, ringing the old doorbell three times, the clanging being heard the next farm over. "Hi, Ellie! Are y'all excited for the slumber party? Mama's gonna show us how to make pizza and popcorn and we're gonna watch The Muppet Movie on videotape and Mama even says that you can sleep in my bed tonight! It'll be like we're sisters!" Claire vibrated in excitement.
"I've got a tummy ache." Ellie started crying. She had never slept over at anyone's house before, only her grandparents. Unfortunately, her father's parents were out of town for the night, as were her grandmother and great-grandmother who were celebrating the holiday in Texas.

Diana leaned down. "It's OK, Miss Ellie. Mr. Matherson and I would never let anyone stay anywhere that wasn't safe for our baby. Would you like to stop at the store on the way over to get some ice cream? My mama's a nurse, and she says that ice cream is the best cure for anything."
"I'm not feeling very good."
"It's OK, we all get a little scared sometimes. Your tummy hurts when that happens. But I promise that nothing bad will happen, OK?"
Ellie nodded through her tears.

Diana stood up. "Do you have everything packed?"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you so soon. I haven't really had the time to get anything ready," Emily said as she walked into the hall.
"Well, Miss Claire was so excited at the idea of her first big girl slumber party that she just demanded that we come over immediately."
"I'm assuming you know everything she needs. Her room is the first on the right on the stairs. By the way, can you pick out a dress for her for dinner tomorrow? I'm not sure how long we'll need you to take her."

Claire ran up the stairs up to Ellie's room. She quickly started rummaging through her wardrobe and dresser. She picked out a pink nightie just like one she owned and a pink sweater with a Scottish terrier embroidered on the front. "Mama! Isn't this just darling? It's got a puppy on it, just like mine!"
"Indoor voice, baby. You'll scare the horses." Diana tipped out the things in Ellie's school bag onto her bed, and started to fill it with enough clothes for the night. "Ellie, can you go get me your toothbrush?" Diana called down the stairs.
"OK," a small murmur came from down the stairs.

Diana took one of Ellie’s finest dresses, a pink dress with white trim and frills, out of the wardrobe. She carefully folded it and placed it underneath the nighties, underpants and socks she had packed. She chose a pair of white Mary Janes and placed them on top of the clothes. "Do you have a teddy bear you sleep with?"
"Daddy reads me a book before bed," Ellie whispered. She went over to her bookshelf and chose a book. She handed Diana the picture book and her toothbrush. "Don't forget my Snoopy." She pointed at her pillows; a Snoopy doll sat on the bed she had made that morning before school.
"Do you want to carry him with you?"
Ellie nodded as Diana buckled up her bag, throwing it over her shoulder. "Are you ready to go now?"
Ellie nodded, taking Diana's hand as she clung onto her Snoopy.

They made their way downstairs, and her parents kissed her goodbye and her father promised to call her to see if she was OK. She sat between Claire and Diana in the front seat as they drove to the Mathersons’ modest brick home.
"Miss Diana, what does the word 'miscarriage' mean?"
"Well, Miss Ellie. Sometimes, when a mama is very sick, she'll lose her baby."
"Is that why I don't have any brothers or sisters?"
"I don't know. You'll have to ask your parents."
"Mama, is that why I don't have any brothers and sisters?"
"No, Claire. Your daddy and I just didn't want another baby."
"Well, since me and Ellie don't have any brothers and sisters, can we be sisters? I've always wanted a baby sister."

Thursday, November 24th, 1983.
Ellie picked at the tuna casserole Diana had made for Thanksgiving dinner, cringing as she came across another piece of tuna. As the phone rang, Lewis placed his napkin by his plate and answered. "Matherson residence, Happy Thanksgiving."
John's voice came over the line. "Uh, Reverend—"
"Please, John, Lewis is fine."
"Daddy!" Ellie perked up when she heard her father's name. Finally, she would be released from this pink prison. "Can I go home now?"
"Ellie wants to know if she can come home."
"Of course, it's just that we've been so busy with everything, the mare and her twins, then dinner, we've just plain forgotten to call you. Dinner starts in half an hour. You're welcome if you have nowhere else to be."
"Well, thanks. All of our families are back in South Carolina. We don't really have the time right now to go back there. But if you're offering, we'll be happy to join you. We'll be there in quarter of an hour. Bye."
"Bye." John hung up.

Lewis turned to his wife, their daughter and their guest. "John's invited us over for Thanksgiving."
"That's nice..." Diana turned to Ellie. "I bet your family does it with all the trimmings?"
"Yep, turkey and taters. Pie, too."
"It would be impolite to turn down the offer," Lewis pointed out.
"Of course, they’re opening their arms out to us in gratitude and friendship. It's the Christian thing to do."
"I would hate it if our girl didn't have a memory of a nice Thanksgiving, even if it is some other family's."
"I am a shit cook. Let's stop pussy-footing 'round this. This is the happiest Ellie's been since last night, and that's only 'cause she gets to go home. If they think they have enough food for us to have dinner with them, then we might as well take their invitation." Diana stood up and started collecting the dinner plates. "Anyway, Ellie needs to be getting home."

Ellie got out of the car as soon as it stopped outside the Argyles’ home. She ran around the back where she knew everything would be set up for the holiday. The Mathersons followed suit.
"Pappy!" she yelled as her grandfather picked her up off the ground.
"I was wondering where my little sugar plum was. I've been searching all over for you. Up in the trees, under the bushes, but you were nowhere."
"I was over at Claire's."
"Really now? I told ya granny you were there," James lied, "but she said you were in the garden. Did you have a nice time?"
"Yeah, but I like it at home more. We were going to have tuna casserole for Thanksgiving."
"Really? I don't know how they do things over in South Carolina, but we have turkey down here in Louisiana. If they want to become like us, they better start doing things our way." James placed Ellie down. "Your daddy's over there."
"Thanks for inviting us. We don't really have a family to spend the holidays with."
"Eh...just spend them with us. We always make too much food, anyway."

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005.

Ellie sat next to her mother as she, Claire, Karen and Emily looked over the Argyle family album. Emily pointed to a picture of a five-year-old Ellie wearing a white blouse with a denim shirt. "That would've been...'82, I think."

"'83. It was my first day of Kindergarten."
Karen pointed to the cream-coloured horse in the background. "Who's that?"
"Um...Annalise, I believe. She was a palomino thoroughbred. She was my only mare to bare twins, twenty-three years ago to the day—”

“Twenty-two years, Mama," Ellie corrected her.

Emily studied the photo. "Looking back, I'm surprised we didn't expect twins from her."
"What do you mean?" inquired Karen.
"I mean, look at her." Emily pointed to the large, round belly of the mare. "She’s practically bursting! Sweetest thing, she was. I've never been able to find a mare as beautiful or as sweet as her. It's a pity that true palomino thoroughbreds are so rare."

“Wait…” Claire interjected, “wasn’t ‘83 the first Thanksgiving we spent together?”

“Yeah…” Ellie thought for a moment. “We met in Kindergarten, so it would have been ‘83.”

“Ellie and I are practically sisters,” Claire enthusiastically explained to Karen. “We’ve been inseparable since we were five.”

“Until this June, that is,” Ellie said under her breath.

“Shush you. Anyhoo, we pretty much did everything together growing up. We did dance class together, went to the same schools, even college. Now that I’ve had some time to think about it—”

“Now that the pregnancy hormones have kicked in.”

“Ellie!...Anyway, as I was saying, since I’ve gotten used to the idea of Ellie and Jace—”

“It’s either JC or Josh. We’ve never used Jace,” Karen commented, putting her hands up. “I’m sorry, it’s been bothering me all night.”

“See,” Ellie pointed out to Claire, “I told you not to use Jace.”

“Let me finish!”

“But it’s so fun to see you squirm when you can’t get a word in. Claire,” Ellie explained to Karen, “was what you would call ‘an unbearably precocious child.’ Would not shut up, would not sit still. This, of course, means that she’s my perfect match, or foil, depending on how you look at it.”

Claire snapped a cracker in half, then into quarters, eating it piece by piece. “We are practically sisters. I mean, our families spent every holiday together.”

Karen took a sip of coffee. “Why is that?”
“Most of my family’s up in South Carolina, just outside Beaufort. My parents say it’s because they don’t have the time to travel to and back for the holidays, especially considering my father’s obligations to the church, but it’s really because they can’t stand my mother’s family constantly henpecking at everything.” Claire delicately took a sip of tea. “It’s just one of those families.”

“What do your parents do?”

“My dad’s the minister at the First Presbyterian on Sherman Avenue. My mama mainly helps him handle church business, making and selling patchwork quilts on the side.”

“Really?” Karen nodded.

“I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but the quilt Ellie used to use on her bed in New York, my mama made for her as a ‘going up north’ present.” Claire lightly held a hand to her growing baby bump. “We’re already planning the quilt she’s going to make for peanut here. I tell you, she found the most darling yellow fabric at Franny’s shop. It has the cutest little elephants and giraffes on it.” She lightly tapped Ellie on the arm. “You and Jace need get planning so she can make Baby Girl or Baby Boy Chasez a matching one.” Claire turned to Karen. “Ellie and I do absolutely everything together. I would hate it if our babies weren’t close in age.”

“Maybe we’ll stain your mama’s quilt trying to make that happen.”

“ELLIE!”

“What?! Don’t act like we haven’t already.”

It was one of Anna's finest ideas, at least her finest in a while. Whilst Chris, Derek, JC, Tyler and she sat on the Argyle's back porch discussing Miles, she had come up with the great act of warm revenge.
"I just want to punch him in his goddamn face," JC muttered as he took a swig of beer. He had been recounting his frustration at having to hear what the cretin had done to Ellie.
"I'm not sure that’s the right course of action." Derek pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands. "Not that it isn't the best option, it's just also the least legal."
"Hmm...how long will assault get you here?" Tyler asked as he placed his beer by his feet.
"Battery will get you up to six months in prison or a $2000 fine. That's at the most, though."
"We could just prank him," Chris suggested as he tore another strip of label off his beer bottle.
"Yeah, but what?" Derek asked.
"We could egg his house," Tyler suggested.
"No, too high school," Chris muttered.
"Too middle school, you mean? Why don't we just TP his house?" JC slid back into his seat.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! I know!" Anna started to bounce up and down in her seat. "We put a flaming bag of shit on his doorstep." She grinned as she tapped Tyler on the shoulder.
"Don't look at me, I don't need to go."
"One of us could do it, JC. Give him a million dollar shit. If only Justin was here, we could give him the most expensive shit of them all." Chris chuckled.
"Nah, they'll be able to trace our DNA. It needs to be animal shit," Derek explained.
"If only one of us had a puppy..." Anna turned to Derek.
"No, Claire would kill me if she found out. We're not using Jerry's poop."

An idea came to JC. "Guys, where are we?"
"What, right now?"
"Yes, Tyler, right now."
"We're on a farm."
"What kind of farm, Tyler?"
"Um...a horse farm?"
"Yes, and what do horses do?"
"They whinny?"
"And..?"
"They poop?"
"Yes, they poop. Where does the poop go?"
"On the ground?"
Chris interrupted the brothers' exchange, and started to walk down to an unoccupied paddock. "How the fuck did you get into law school, Tyler?"

Derek and Tyler quietly tried to find a paper bag in the kitchen as JC found a flashlight whilst Chris and Anna had started combing through the paddock.
"What are you two doing?" Ellie asked as she fetched some crackers from the counter.
"Nothing."
"Nothing!"
"We're trying to find a paper bag," Derek explained.
"Why?" She leaned onto the counter, JC catching her eye with the torch. "Why do you need a paper bag and a flashlight?"
"There's--" Tyler stuttered out before Derek interrupted him.
"There's a problem with Anna's car, the spark plugs. We're going to have a look at them."
"We're leaving a bag of flaming shit on Miles's doorstep," JC stated.
"OK, then...I'm not going to tell you it's right, I'm not going to tell you it's wrong, but take a camera." She grabbed the box of crackers and made her way back into the living room.

Chris squinted as he tried his hardest to find a pile of fresh manure in the dark. He screamed as Anna ran up behind him and jumped onto his back. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"
"I don't know, just thought I would. You scream like a girl."
"The term I prefer is 'testicly challenged.'"
"My kind of people."

JC used the torch to comb through the paddock, sweeping the light from one fence to another. Finally, Tyler found what they were looking for.
"Found it!" He shined the light from his cell phone screen onto the ground. JC went over to him. "At least, I think I found something."
JC shined the torch onto the spot, illuminating a piece of horse dropping. "It's something, alright."
"It's almost perfectly spherical. It's perfect." Tyler snapped a photo with the camera on his phone.
"Why did you do that?"
"I don't know, I've just never seen anything like it. How often do you come across a perfectly round piece of shit?"

After fifteen minutes, the five of them were squished into Derek's car, Derek in the driver's seat as he knew where to go, JC riding shotgun holding the parcel, and Tyler, Anna and Chris in the back like sardines in a can. They drove through a wealthy neighbourhood, houses in various stages of construction, for sale and inhabited lining the streets and cul-de-sacs. Derek pulled the handbrake as they stopped in front of a large, brown masoned house, its tall gabled roof covered in Christmas lights.
"That's a real nice house," Tyler commented, breaking the silence.
"His father-in-law owns it. They're renting it from him," Anna explained. "Miles could only afford an apartment, but Gerry refuses his grandbaby to grow up in one."
"He doesn't have a problem with that, I mean Miles?"
"Nope, it's just a pretty house for cheap for him."

"Did anyone remember to bring a lighter?" JC asked as he undid his seat belt.
Everyone looked at each other, knowing that not one of them had.
"How are we supposed to leave a flaming bag of shit on this dickhead's doorstep if no one thought about the flaming bit?" He turned to look at everyone else.
"I'm sorry I'm not a smoker, OK? I'm not getting lung cancer," Tyler strained.
"I'm a singer, smoking is a literal occupational hazard for me, TYLER!"
"Try the cigarette lighter." Anna pointed towards the middle console. "That might work."

JC took the cigarette lighter out of its plug and held the coil to a corner of the bag long enough for it to start to curl into ash. He quickly ran up the walkway and placed the bag onto the front step, holding the lighter's coil to the bag again, this time long enough for a small flame to ignite. He protected the flame with his hands as it grew. He swiftly banged on the door and ran back to the car, shutting the door just as Miles answered. They watched as Miles rolled his eyes and went back into the house to fetch a small fire extinguisher from inside. With a small burst of foam, the fire was out.

The five of them watched as Miles went back inside, a feeling of defeat settling over them. Anna quickly got out of the car, picked the soggy package from the front step and placed it underneath the tyre of the Mazda coupe in the driveway, knowing it was Miles's work car. She kicked the tyre, then ran back to the car. "He's won the battle, but he won't win the war."
"Maybe this isn't the best idea. Maybe we're only stooping down to his level if we're doing this," Derek said in dismay. "We're no better than him if we're doing these things."
"But...but," Anna stuttered, "what about Ellie? She deserves it."
"I don't know, she's pretty happy now. And you don't know how cut up he was after she dumped him. We had to change the number of our first apartment in New York just to get him to stop calling. Maybe we need to accept that this is out of our hands."
Tyler interjected, "Are you guys forgetting that he's going to get horse shit in his treads, or am I going stupid?"

Thursday, November 24th, 2005.
Anna got up to head out of the room, leaving Chris and Claire watching TV.
"Sooo...how far are you along?" Chris asked awkwardly.
"Around twelve weeks," Claire answered.
"When are you due?"
"End of May."
"Any names yet?"
"We like Adam and Annabelle." Claire readjusted her weight on the sofa.
Chris sighed. "Anna mentioned that she was going to art school."
"Look, I'm sorry if this offends you or something, but Anna has a girlfriend. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea, but she's not into guys," Claire explained. "I would rather let you know now than for you to be disappointed later. I know how some men can get, a girl shows any kind of interest in them, they get the wrong idea. I trust that you won't hurt her."
"OK." Chris slunk down in his seat. "I never got the impression that she was into me. She's only having a bit of fun." He sat in silence for a moment. "Do you think it's too early to have a drink?"

Anna quietly snuck back into the room, posturing herself to scare Chris.
"Anna, don't," said Claire, shaking her head as Anna begrudgingly took her spot on an armchair.
"I was just having some fun. How long do you think Derek and Mom are going to be?"
"I don't know. Dad said that the discussion might take awhile."

Lewis flipped through the notes he had made in his Filofax, clearing his throat before he addressed everyone else seated around the Argyles’ kitchen table. "Firstly, I would like to thank you, John, Emily, Karen and Roy, for asking me to perform your son and daughter's, Joshua and Elizabeth's, wedding. It is an honour to be considered for this role. I hope that we can guide these two into a happy, healthy and holy marriage. Um...I understand that Joshua's family is Mennonite. Am I correct? Are there any traditions we need to consider—"
Roy cut off Lewis's nervous speech. "When actually is all of this happening? Do you two have a plan yet, or are you two going to surprise us again?"
"Um, we were kind of hoping to do it down here on April the 13th. Out back, maybe," JC replied.
"Where abouts?" John asked.
"We were hoping here, on the farm. It's just Ellie's wish, that's all."
"Fine. How many guests are we talking?"
"No more than fifty. We don't really want that big of a wedding."
"My mama will have to do most of the catering, she’s better at the bigger events than I am, but it's not completely undoable." John opened the pad of paper in front of him. "Anything else? We'll go over the food later, but is there anything we might need to know? Anything that needs to be constructed?"
"We were thinking a rotunda," Ellie mentioned.
"A what? Never mind, I'll look it up. Can't be that hard to build."

Lewis tried to interject, "Don't we need to talk a little more about the religious side of things?"
"I think a non-denominational ceremony will do just fine, a mention of God here and there. We don't want to put too much emphasis on the interfaith aspect of the relationship," Roy stated. "I've spoken with our church elders, and as long as they're not performing the ceremony, they're washing their hands on the issue."
"I could perform a Presbyterian ceremony. We don't mind interfaith marriages in our parish," Lewis remarked.
"Doesn't matter. Any minister overseeing the ceremony will be blessing it in the eyes of God. Any news on the prenup?"
"Adam's just starting to talk it over with Ellie's lawyer in New York. If it goes smoothly, they can have it ready by next April."
"Next April's far too soon to get married."
Lewis flipped through his diary. "You'll have to change the date then. The 13th of April falls on a Friday in 2007. It'll have to be 2008. Are you two OK having such a long engagement?"

Emily finally spoke up. "Is this all we're going to talk about? Our children are getting married and all we can speak about is catering and dates?"
"Well, what do you think we need to talk about?" John asked.
"I don't know. If I knew, we would be talking about it."
"I think we need to come to an agreement over whether or not we're OK with this happening. That's usually what these sit downs are for...I think," Karen said.
"Yeah"—Roy slunk down in his chair—"like they're not going to elope if we don't."
"What do you mean?"
"It means that I don't have a say either way, Karen. Josh is just going to do want he wants."
"Are you at least OK with him marrying Ellie?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"Do you approve of our daughter? Do you think she's a good match for your son?" Emily asked.
"Do you think our son is a good match for you daughter?"
"Frankly, yes. We've talked it over, and we think she can do a whole lot worse," Emily stated as John nodded in agreement.
"OK, well, I think that Ellie's wonderful, and I'm glad that Josh has chosen her," Karen replied. "Roy?"
"I don't know." Roy stared at the table in front of him. "It's alright, I guess."

Ellie quickly followed JC upstairs to her room as he went to get a sweater. "What just happened down there?"
"I'm not quite sure."
"Really? 'Cause I could've sworn that our folks just agreed that they were OK with their kids getting married."
He slipped the green sweater over his head. "It's not surprising though. It's been four, nearly five months. It was only going to be a matter of time."
"Well, yeah." Ellie paused as she tried to process what had happened. "My dad likes you, he has since you two met. My mom's the same."
"My mom likes you now since she's getting to know you a little better. And my dad...well...he liked you at first, too. He just didn't think we should've gotten engaged so early. I guess he's just starting to come around to the idea." He sat down on the bed.
"Do you think...?"

Ellie went over to a musical jewellery box on one of the shelves by her desk. She carefully opened the lid as a cranked melody played. She took out a small parcel wrapped in blue tissue paper. She closed the lid and sat by him on the bed, unwrapping the parcel to reveal a golden band, cloudy with age.
"This was my grandpa Ray's wedding ring. My grandma gave it to my mom, and she gave it to me, for my husband."
"Why didn't your dad take it?" JC asked.
"His fingers were too big. OK, last chance. If this fits you, we're meant to be. If it doesn't, we won't get married." She slowly took the ring in her right hand as she took his left hand in hers. She held her breath as she unsteadily slipped the ring on his finger, making a disappointed squeak as it slipped onto his finger with ease, too much ease.
"It's too big," he commented, twisting the ring around his finger. "It might still do though."
"No, it's supposed to have a little give, so it doesn't slip off."
"Do you really think something this silly is going to stop us from getting married? Didn't you just say that your father wouldn't take it 'cause it was too small?"
"What do we do then?" She flopped onto the bed.
"We either get a different ring or, if you really have your heart set on that one, we'll just get that one resized. It'll only be a few millimetres." He looked over to her. "He wasn't wearing this when he died, was he?"
"No, he only wore it for the wedding. He took it off before he flew out to the Pacific. My grandma wore it around her neck until the day he died."
"Do you think that maybe it's bad luck if I did wear it? Like if you wore an engagement ring of a failed marriage, that you're only asking it to fail? Maybe it's a sign, just not the one you’re looking for."
She threw a pillow at his head. "You sound just like Dad."

At 4pm on the dot, John, his parents and Ellie, a small fire extinguisher bundled in her arms, stood around two large, metal 7-gallon stockpots slowly bubbling with peanut oil. John and Jean slowly lowered one turkey per pot at James's signal. JC and Roy watched patiently from the porch.
"I don't think I'm OK with her being so close to something like this," JC whispered to his father as the four of them walked up to the porch.
"What?" John asked as he took off his pair of safety gloves.
"I'm not comfortable with Ellie being so close to boiling oil," JC explained.
"That's two votes against deep-fried turkey, two more and we outvote them." Ellie sat down next to JC on the bench.
"It's perfectly safe. We've been doing it this way since before the two of you were born." John sat on his chair by the back door. "We haven't had one fire. Plus, since Ellie became our safety officer, we've been getting two fire extinguishers every year."
Ellie rolled her eyes. "The number of house fires doubles on Thanksgiving, most of which are caused by unsafe cooking practices. One of which being deep-frying. And we always do two birds each year. That doubles, no, quadruples the risk of fire. It doesn't matter how many years when it hasn't happened. It could still happen."
"The oven isn't big enough for two birds and all the trimmings," John pointed out.
"Then use the smoker."
"It's not the same."
Ellie let out a frustrated grunt as she shoved the fire extinguisher into JC's hands, storming back into the house.
"Boy." James pointed to the two pots. "You need to watch those pots. If there's any smoke coming off them, alert us immediately. Roy, if that happens, we need you to call 911 immediately."
"I'm not OK with this," Roy commented.
"I thought you were Louisianian?"
"My family was Louisianian at one point, not stupid."
"That's three! One more and we're smoking next year's bird," Ellie called from the kitchen window.

Ellie and JC snuggled into each other on the couch after dinner, watching Endless Love on TV as John slept off the meal beside them.
"Wait...is that her mother?" Heather asked as she looked up from her knitting.
"Yeah," Ellie replied.
"Is she watching her daughter lose her virginity?"
"That's what the film's implying. The film's a lot creepier than the book."
"There's a book?" JC asked as he repositioned his arm around Ellie.
"Yeah, it's a torrid tale of a young man's first love driving him to insanity. The film is some mushy claptrap."
"Then why are we watching it?"
"We'll watch something else when someone finds the energy to either find the remote or get up and change the channel manually."

JC's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out to check who it was. "It's Eric." He flipped it open and slowly got off the couch, going into the hall to take the call. "Hey, any news?"
"Alex has raised his advance offer. He wants you to fly into Scotland in the new year so the two of you can talk it over personally."
"How much?" JC asked as he played with his sweater.
"Six million pounds."
"Sterling?"
"Yep. Around ten million dollars U.S."
"And Justin's label?"
"Still hasn't made a formal offer. I know you two are friends, but I don't really see Justin's people giving you a leg up, especially after how they've handled matters in the past. I don't think they're going to offer more than Justin producing a few songs for you," Eric explained, reluctantly. "What do you want?"
"I don't know..." JC ran his hand through his hair.
"Well, look at it this way. Alex's offer is the best we've gotten so far. Not only in terms of the advance, but also in terms of what kind of support they're offering. No other label has offered full creative control or full marketing support. I know you're hesitant, but maybe the eccentric Scottish billionaire route is the best one."
"I'll think about it."
"OK, I'm not pressuring you. You have awhile to think about it. Try to get a demo tape together, around four to six songs. Just a little package for him to see where you want to go next. I'll see you next week. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, bye."
"Bye." JC stood for a moment after Eric hung up, uncomfortably twisting at his phone's antenna. He walked back into the living room and switched the channel.
"Hey!" Heather exclaimed. "I was watching that!"
"I'm going up to bed," he grumbled before he made his way up the stairs.

He was starting to undress as Ellie knocked on the door. "Are you OK?"
"The record company guy just offered a larger advance sum." He sat down on the bed and placed his head in his hands. "Everything is getting all business-y, again."
"Do you want that?" she quietly asked as she sat next to him.
"I don't know...I'm just happy mucking around in the studio. If it gets business-y, then I have to release something soon, and if I do, then I'm just going to fail again."
"Why don't you just produce then? Nobody says you have to make and release albums."
He flopped down on the bed, letting out a frustrated grunt. "But that's the thing. I still want to perform, I still want to write and record for myself. I just hate the business side. I hate contracts and sales and chart positions. It should just be about the music."
She lay down next to him. "No one says you need to be as good as Justin."
"No, everyone says that. If I'm not as good, then I'm worse."
"Some might even say you're better, though." She made a small smile as he turned to her. "Justin can't sing the way you can. Nor can he dance as well, nor does he have hair as nice as yours." She leaned over and kissed him. "I bet he doesn't kiss as well as you do, nor does he eat pussy as well as you do, neither is his cock half the size of yours. I bet he isn't as good at lovemaking, or fucking, as you are. Nor do I think he's as sweet or as loving or beautiful."
"You're just saying that."
"Only because you need to hear it."
"I'm not like him."
"Yes, that's why I fell in love with you. Start seeing it as a positive, not a negative. Let Justin be Justin; don't strain yourself being someone other than you." She softly kissed his cheek, stroking his hair.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."

Early the next morning, John lightly tapped on Ellie's bedroom door. "It's 6am. Pa's gonna be here with your dad soon, Josh."
Within five minutes, JC climbed into the back seat of James's Volvo, trying to gain as much warmth as he could from his sweater and jacket. "Ugh! What's that smell?"
"The bait: crawfish," Roy grumbled over his gas station coffee.
"Is it supposed to smell that much?"
"If it didn't smell, they wouldn't be selling it as bait," James stated as John shut the trunk and got into the backseat with JC. "You two mind fishing off the Mississippi? It's a bit muddy, but that's where the best fish is." James started up the engine, driving out of the farm and east to their spot on the river.

JC looked over the water boiling on the camp stove around noon, watching Roy as he gracefully cast out a line.
"Josh told me that you adopted him when he was five," John said, checking the tautness of his line, trying to make small talk.
"Yeah," Roy replied. "Karen used to babysit his mother when she was a teenager. She was excommunicated from her family when she fell pregnant with Josh. We took her in until she could legally rent an apartment. She was OK for a while, but she just couldn't make do. She asked if we would take him in...what? 1981?"
"That's real kind of you. Emily and I considered adopting, back when we were having our troubles. But nothing ever came of it once we had Ellie." John reeled in his line, recasting it out. "She would've been our fourth, you know. They say fathers don't know what it's like losing a baby. I think I've got a pretty good idea."

JC carefully made his way down the bank, trying not to slip in the mud as he balanced the four mugs he was holding. "Did you two ever find out what was wrong? I mean, once is an accident, twice is a problem." He handed the mugs of tea and coffee to James, John and Roy.
"We never wanted to find out, frankly. Once Ellie came out as healthy as she did, we kind of just accepted our lot." John took a sip of tea.
"Do you think she feels any pressure to be perfect because she's your only opportunity to experience certain things?" JC brushed his hand on his pants.
"Of course, I kind of wished she didn't though. She stresses so much over everything. Getting good grades, meeting the right boy. She asked me last year if I could introduce her to one of my friend's son. I said, 'Baby, only you can find the right boy for you. I don't know what you like, nor do I know if he'd treat you well. You need to find him on your own.'"
"You shoulda told her to wait awhile," James joked.
"No, you need to tell him"—Roy pointed towards JC—"to wait a while. Next thing you know, they'll be eloping."
"You wouldn't do that, would you?" John asked as he threw his empty cup up the bank into the cooler.
"I don't think Ellie wants to," JC explained.
"I think she does. She's always hated how big weddings can get down here."
"You don't want her to have a fairytale wedding?"
"I want her to be happy and taken care of. It'll make things easier if you would just elope." John went back to his line, checking the reel, recasting it out onto the river.

Chapter 20 - Under My Tree

Monday, December 12th, 2005.
Eric briefed Isaac on his duties for the day whilst they drove to JC's L.A. home. "If you don't mind, could you help him pick out some outfits for the event tonight?"
"Why?" Isaac asked as he checked his phone.
"I'm considering firing Jules."
Isaac gasped. "Why!?"
"I don't want him on our team if he can't be professional," Eric explained.
Isaac carefully slid his phone into his satchel bag. "Is this only a one night thing...or?"
"I was wondering, would you be willing to be JC's stylist full time, at higher pay?"
"You better be considering giving me a pay raise if you want me to take on more work."
"But I'm also giving you the option to call in extra help if need be." Eric waited for the gate to open, stepping out once they were in the drive.
Isaac followed him to the front door. "I'll think about it."
"But this is only if JC agrees to it." Eric knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer.

JC sent a quick text to Ellie before he climbed the stairs into the foyer. "Hey." He patted Isaac on the back as he welcomed them into his home.
"Where's Ellie and Carlos?" Isaac asked as they went into the kitchen.
"Carlos just ran out to get lunch. Ellie's back in New York," JC explained. "You know her magazine goes to print on Friday. It's their end-of-year issue thing, and everyone has to be on deck, if you get what I'm saying."
"Yeah." Eric sat at the kitchen bench.
"Can I get you something to drink or something?" JC offered, taking the kettle off the stove.
"No, thank you," Eric declined. "I was thinking maybe we could talk a little about the situation with Jules."
JC placed the kettle back the stove, leaning against the counter opposite Eric. "OK, what do you have in mind?"
"I was thinking, since we don't really use his services a lot right now, maybe it would be a good idea to relieve Jules of his obligation to us," Eric suggested.
JC thought for a moment. "You want to fire him?"
"Yes," Eric responded, scratching the back of his neck.
"What happens in the event that I need a stylist?"
"I was thinking we could trial Isaac tonight, see if he can handle the stress of both jobs."
"Are you OK with that?" JC turned to Isaac.
"It's not really that hard, is it?" Isaac leaned over the counter next to Eric. "I just need to pick you out an outfit, iron a shirt maybe."

Ellie quickly rushed from the cab to the door of her apartment building. She peeled off her scarf as she checked the mail. The concierge greeted her as she walked to the elevator.
"Evening, Miss Argyle."
She stopped, awkwardly turning to him. "Hey...it's really coming down out there."
"Bit different from what you're used to down south, innit?" he joked in his Irish brogue.
"Um...yeah. We don't get snow this heavy in Louisiana."
"We don't get snow this heavy in Cork, neither. Mr. Chasez sent these for you this afternoon." He gestured to the large arrangement of white roses sitting on his desk.
"Oh, wow." She went over, inspecting the cream petals.
"My pop always used to say, always give your girl flowers as pretty as she is, which is fine if she's as beautiful as roses, like you miss, but what if she's as ugly as cow shit sitting in a patch of weeds? Do you give her that? Or do you lie to her and give her nettles?" he joked.
She dug around in her briefcase for any spare cash, tipping him what she could. "Well, thank you. Have a good night."
"It's not me you should be thanking; it's your fella. You have a good night as well, thanks for the tip." He lifted his hat as she lifted the bouquet off the desk, carefully carrying it to the elevator.

She carefully placed the arrangement on the dining table, checking for a card as Linus mewed at her feet. "Shh, baby. Give me a minute." She carefully detached the small envelope from the leaves, opening it to read the small handwritten note:
'For you: My heart, it beats, it beats for you. My lungs, they breathe, they breathe for you. My soul, it sings, it sings for you. My love, I live, I live for you. Joshua.'

A flattered smile came over her face. She tapped JC's cellphone number into the kitchen phone, opening a can of cat food one-handed as she waited for him to answer.
"Hey." He cleared his throat, coughing after he answered.
"Hi..." she responded coquettishly.
"What do I owe the pleasure?"
"I got the flowers; they're very beautiful." She twisted the cord around her fingers.
"Not as beautiful as you."
"Stop it!" She giggled.
"Did you get the note?"
"Yeah."
"What did you think?"
"It was very nice."
"Not as—"

She cut him off. "Stop being so fucking corny."
"No, you stop being so fucking corny." He cleared his throat again. "I got your email, the one where you describe everything we would've done if we woke up together this morning. I'm a little disappointed it didn't get any dirtier than a coy mention of showering together."
"Would you like me to go a little more into detail?"
"I'm a little more curious as to what you did in the shower alone." A pause came from his side of the line. "I'm sorry, but I need to get going now. I have to go to that launch party."
"OK, try to get back early. I would hate it if you didn't call me to tuck me in tonight," she said in a coquettish whisper.
"I'll try to get back before midnight. I'll talk to you then."
"Ok, I love you."
"I love you, too. Bye."
"Bye." She carefully hung the receiver back into the phone's cradle. She rubbed her neck, as she made a small, tired groan. She made herself a light dinner, checked some emails and went over an article before she changed into one of his pyjama tops and went to bed.

JC mingled amongst the guests at the launch party. He awkwardly floated in and out of conversations of small talk with teen stars and unimportant socialites, trying his hardest to figure out exactly what was being launched. Was it a liquor, a fragrance, a book or PR company? The only thing he knew was the name, Mind Blank, but only because the room was spotted throughout with the same smoky logo of black signs. He slowly nursed his now watered-down vodka and soda as he stood on the outer ring of the club, checking his cell phone for any new texts.
"What's the party like?" Ellie sent a message around 9ish.
"Same old. I don't really know anyone here. What are you doing?" JC replied.
"Just got into bed, reading."
"What?"
"Some romance set in Victorian England, dare I say, a Dickensian rip-off."
He stared at the screen, grumbling as the DJ changed the song to a house mix of “Jingle Bells.” "I don't get what you mean."
"Sigh...the author borrows heavily from Charles Dickens, at least tries to."
"Why do you read that crap?"
"I don't know, nothing better to do. Why do you keep going to parties you don't want to go to? It's not like you're hunting for strange or anything...???" she pointed out, hoping his response wouldn't give any indication he was.
He sighed as he closed his phone, draining the last of his drink. He started to debate if he should go home as Ellie sent another message: "Are you still going to call me? It's nearly 12 and I'm getting sleepy."

Ellie picked up on the second ring. "Good evening," she said in a poor Transylvanian accent.
"Hey."
"What's wrong? You seem downtrodden."
"Just another shit party, that's all." JC sighed, shuffling under his bedcovers. He just had gotten home and undressed, lazily falling into bed.
"I thought you liked those kind of things."
"I don't know. Sometimes you're in the mood for it, sometimes you're not. What did you do tonight?"
"Just some work stuff."
"What did you have for dinner?"
"A grilled cheese, why?"
He groaned. "That would've been amazing. They only had tapas hors d'oeuvres there. You know, figs and ham on little pieces of bread." He turned over onto his side. "Did you make it the way you always make it?"
She groaned. "Yes, little bit of butter in the pan instead of on the bread and a sprinkle of pepper on the cheese. Medium heat, lightly toasted, nothing fancy. You could do it yourself."
"It's not the same. You're a much better cook than I am."
She paused, smiling to herself. "Only because I add a little love."
"Oh, and I'm the corny one?" he teased. "Do you think it goes both ways, though? You know, could things taste better when they're made by a person you love?"
"I don't know. Everything tastes better home-cooked in my opinion, though it doesn't help that my dad's a great cook himself. I think there are just some foods that taste better that way. I've never bought a grilled cheese as good as my mother's."
"I always thought it was weird you prefer your mom's grilled cheese over your dad's."
"It's just one of those mom foods, you know. Where your mom always does it best."
"Yeah..." He trailed off, listening to her breathing. "What are you wearing?"

She burst out laughing, holding the phone away as she pulled herself together. She cleared her throat. "What are you wearing?"
"I asked first."
"I asked more recently."
"OK, I'll guess what I think you're wearing..." He thought for a moment. "I bet you're in that little white nighty, the satin one with the lace."
"No, guess again."
"How about that little purple number, the one you got for my birthday?"
"Nope, try again."
"Mmm...I know, my green sweatshirt, the one I left on the bed."
"Close, I'm wearing the khaki green pyjama top." She paused. "The one with 1982 stamped on the front."
"Oh, you look cute in that."  
"According to you, I look cute in everything of yours." She chuckled.
"Yeah. Guess what I'm wearing."
"Let me think...Either you're wearing a pair of sweats, black I suppose, a pair of briefs, or you're naked. I hope you're naked."
"Why?"
"I don't want you to get cum on anything...This is leading to phone sex, isn't it?"

He let out a small groan.
"I'm going to say that's a 'yes,'" she answered. "What do you want me to do?"
"I think you know what I want you to do." He slowly started to rub his crotch in preparation.
She lowered her voice, slowing her speech rate. "Do you want me to tell you what I wish we were doing right now?"
He murmured, lying back and closing his eyes, "Yes."
"OK, so I'm in the shower. You're going to join me in a second, but I can't wait for you. I turn the water on and get the temperature right. I step under it and start washing my hair. I slowly lather up the shampoo and rinse it out, the suds running down my body and into the drain."
"Oh, God," he whispered.
"So I then condition my hair, same thing. I slowly stroke the conditioner through my hair, rinsing it out, the water flowing in beads down my shoulders and back. Would you like to join me yet?"
"No, I want to watch you a little while."
"OK, so the door's open a little and you're watching me. Are you touching yourself?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Just a little, I might want to play a little when you finally join me. Are you becoming hard?"
"Yeah." He started to slowly run his fingers up and down the shaft of his cock.
"Good...So what I do next is take a little soap on a sponge and slowly start rubbing it all over my body. First my arms, then my shoulders and neck, then my stomach and torso. Can you see me as I do my chest?"
"Yeah."
"Can you see the suds all over my breasts, my hard, pink nipples covered in soap?"
He moaned, resisting the urge to increase his speed.
"I think I need some help with my back. Do you want to join me yet?"
"Yeah."
"OK, so you step in and take the sponge, slowly washing my back and ass. You wash the back of my thighs, then you press yourself behind me to do the front."
"Can you feel me?"
"Yeah, you're pressed up against my ass. You feel hard, but I'm not sure you're ready yet? Do you think you are?"
"Are you?" He listened as she went quiet for a moment, hearing her make a small gasp.
"I'm a little ready, but I guide your hand into the soft folds of my pussy."
He shuddered as he heard her breath quicken. "How does it feel?"
"Amazing, you're running three fingers along my pussy."
"Do you want to come now, or later?"

He listened as she went quiet, her breathing becoming shorter and laboured. "Yeah."
"So, I start rubbing your clit, doing soft, slow circles with my middle finger."
"Oh, fuck." She gasped. "Kiss me."
"OK, you turn your head towards me, leaning up to press your lips to mine, softly touching the tip of your tongue to mine."
She whimpered. "I miss you kissing me."
"You lean back into me, not being able to stand up much longer. I kiss your neck and shoulders, rubbing you a little harder and quicker. Are you coming yet?"
She whimpered, crying out, "Yes!"
"How does it feel?" he asked, starting to run his hand along his cock as fast as he could.
"It feels like a ball of fire is building up in me, incredible but intense at the same time."
"Are your legs shaking?"
"Yeah."
"Are you arching your back, moving your pelvis forward as your pussy clenches, waiting for me to fuck you?"
"Press me up against the wall and fuck me!" she moaned.
"I don't want to stop you—"
"I am so fucking close I will come the moment you ram your giant cock into me," she spat through her teeth. "Just fuck me...please," she begged.
"Well, so I stop for a moment, pressing you against the wall facing me. I lift your left leg up and slip into you."
"You're so fucking hard."
"I'm about to blow. You cry out as I start thrusting into you, squeezing your legs as you come."

He listened as she gasped, hearing her cry out as she went up an octave, softly whispering, "Baby..." He kept listening, her breath calming.

"Kiss me, again," she whispered. "Kiss me as hard as you can."
He started to feel the urge to come intensify. "I can't wait much longer..."
"Then fuck me, pound into me until you come. Spurt your hot cum into me. I want to feel it in my pussy, running down my legs."
He gasped. "Baby..."
"Or do you want me to kneel down—"
"SHIT!" He jutted up as he ejaculated, pumping cum over his hand and stomach. He sat for a moment in shock. "Ew..."
She chuckled. "It never happens when you think it's going to, does it?"
"I need a tissue or something." He spied the box of Kleenex by the bed, wiping himself. "Are you done?"

She made a satisfied groan. "Yeah. When are you going to be home?"
"Friday, no later." He pulled the covers up, snuggling into his pillows. "I really miss you."
"I miss you, too. We could've done all that for real."
"I don't like being away from you."
"Me neither, it's not the same. Promise you'll come back to me."
"I promise. I love you."
"I love you, too. What was it? 'My heart, it beats. It beats for you. My soul—"
He corrected her, "My lungs, they breathe, they breathe for you. My soul..."
"It sings, it sings for you. My love, I live. I live..."
"For you."
"Pour vous."
"Pour vous...night."
"Night."
He listened to her breathing, the soft inhales and exhales.
"Come back to me."
"I will."

Friday, December 16th, 2005.
Ellie walked back to her desk from the conference room, finished for the night as the final copy was couriered off to the printers. She yawned and rubbed her neck.
"Are you coming to the office Christmas party?" Amber, the female co-worker with short blonde hair who occupied the cubicle in front of Ellie's, asked.
"No, Josh is flying in from L.A. tonight. I want to have the tree up when he gets home."
"Sounds nice. I see Santa already dropped you off a present." Amber motioned to the red foil gift bag in front of Ellie's keyboard. She picked it up, taking out the copy of Home for Christmas.
"Ha ha!" she yelled sarcastically, "Let's get Ellie *NSYNC's Christmas album for Christmas. What do I say every year? I don't like Christmas music. What do you always give me? Christmas music. I have a cat. Get me cat food, help me feed my cat." She collected her belongings and headed for the elevator. "I'll ask JC to send you a thank you note for the royalties, Stephen," she said to the snickering co-worker in front of her.

She returned home just before six, fed Linus, started the fire, poured herself a glass of wine, and started to go through the Christmas decorations she had bought last night. "No..." she said to herself as a bizarre urge came over her. She had never actually listened to an *NSYNC record. She had listened to Schizophrenic, JC's album once or twice, but never an actual *NSYNC album. She stood up and got the CD out from the gift bag. She looked at the cheery faces of the five of them,  Chris with his now so uncool dreadlocks, Justin and Lance with their bleach blond hair, Joey...well, Joey, and finally in the centre, the man she had fallen in love with, a seven years younger JC. His eyes shone with a little more innocence and his hair shone with too much product. "I still would've..." she whispered to herself, knowing what her options were at the time.

She opened the case, cringing at the bad clip art wreath opposite the disc. She took it out of the case and slipped it into the stereo, the complicated piece of technology this album would've help buy, at least if they were properly compensated for it. She delicately pressed play and the sounds of bells and five-part harmony came over the speakers. She quickly paused it, a feeling of embarrassment coming over her. She pressed play again, stepping away from the stereo. "Ew..." she said, as Justin started the first verse of the next forty minutes or so.

"Hey." JC walked in just as “In Love on Christmas” finished. "Was that my song?"
"Yes," Ellie said as she bundled up some packaging to be thrown away. "Make it stop."
"I didn't think it was that bad." He pressed stop on the stereo. "The best song's coming up."
"No, Justin Timberlake cannot sing."
"He's not that bad. He's OK."
"No, I don't want to hear him or his, what, seventeen-year-old ass singing to me that he hopes Santa will see us fucking under the Christmas tree. It may have turned me off sex forever."

He walked over to her, bending down to kiss her. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"
"I don't know..." She spiked up his hair, replicating the hairstyle from the CD cover. "I guess we could put a little gel in your hair, maybe a black turtleneck."
He lay down on the white shag rug in front of the fireplace. "So, basically what I looked like 1998?"
"Yeah." She snuggled into him.
"I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"I need to go to Scotland in early January, maybe even spend New Year’s there."
"Why?" She played with a stray piece of lint off his sweater.
"I'm signing my deal. I've decided to go with Excelsior Records."
"Cool." They laid in silence for a moment. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Please. I mean Tyler and Carlos are going to be there, but I want you with me, too."
"For sex?" She smiled.
"Maybe..."

Ellie got up from the floor and went over to the pantry. "Is there anything you want for dinner?"
"I don't know. Do you want to cook, or do you want to order in?"
"I'm guessing eating out is off the table."
"Yeah. I'm a little exhausted from the whole flight. I don't really feel like going out."
She dug through the freezer, finding a ball of sausage meat frozen in a ziplock bag. "You want biscuits and gravy? It won't take me that long."
"Sure, if you want."

He got up and pulled a chair across from her at the kitchen bench, watching her make the biscuits from memory. She pulled what she needed from the pantry and fridge, measuring out her flour and milk, adding a dash of lemon juice to make a easy buttermilk. She then added a spoonful of baking powder, a few pinches of salt and baking soda, then a few spoonfuls of butter. She folded the mixture together, putting the five blobs of dough into a greased cake tin. She recounted her day as she got the defrosted sausage from the microwave and started the gravy. "Miles and Molly Sue had their baby."
"OK."
"Yeah, little girl; Isabella Sue."
"Weren't they considering Miley?"
"I don't know. Sometimes you just change your mind right before or after, I guess. Maybe she just didn't look like a 'Miley.'" She measured out a spoonful of flour, tossing it into the meat. "From the photo Molly put in the announcement, it looks like she favours her mother in looks. Same red hair."

"Can I ask you a question?"
"What?" She slowly started to add milk to the roux, bit by bit.
"Are you OK with them being together? I mean, how did they ever end up together?"
"Molly Sue's parents were school administrators. A few years back, her father ran for the state board and won. Back in 1999, he ran for state senate. Miles interned for him after college and Molly Sue was working as his receptionist. You can speculate what happened next." She turned to JC, holding her spatula like a weapon. "You know, I can just imagine the hangdog expression he probably used on her. 'I've just been so lonely since Lizzie's been up in New York. I don't think I can go much longer without a woman's touch. Seeing you sitting there in your little skirt is just driving me wild.' Scumbag." She turned back to her gravy, adding a final sprinkle of pepper before she took it off the stove, starting to set out for the meal.
"Are you OK with it?" he asked as he help her set the table.
"I don't know. I'm complacent on the whole situation, but then again, everything about him just...infuriates me."

"Did they just end up together...or?"
"Oh, no. He romanced her. Took her to Paris to propose. France, he took her to fucking France." She carefully took the biscuits out of the oven and halved two.
"How did he propose to you?"
"Christmas 1999, the year I got Linus. I actually caught him in bed with another girl, didn't talk to him for a week. He tried every way he could to get me back, at least every way he knew how. Of course, Claire was using the opportunity to tell me everything, EVERYTHING, she knew about him. Not that she hadn't before, I just wasn't willing to listen then. Of course, just when I was getting ready to break it off in the new year, he rocks up unannounced at Christmas, instantly gets down on one knee and gives me all this bullshit about how I was the greatest thing to ever happen to him and how I showed him what true love was and if I would do the honour of making his Christmas wish come true by agreeing to marry him." She placed the biscuits on the table, covering each in the gravy. "Of course, he had to do it in front of my whole family, so I couldn't turn him down. He took out this gold ring with these three little crystal chips I guess were supposed to be diamonds."
"I thought he grew up wealthy?" JC said in between bites.
"He did. His father got him a Roadster for his sixteenth. He did OK for a while, but he crashed it first year of college, completely totalled it. His father cut him off, stating that if he thought he was responsible enough to drink like an adult, he's responsible enough to take care of all of his affairs like an adult." She watched as he wolfed down the last of his dinner, scraping the last of the gravy from the plate with his fork. "How are you able to eat like a duck and not choke every single fucking time?"
"It's a talent."

Chapter 21 - You Are My Sunshine

Tuesday, December 20th, 2005.
Ellie and JC waited for either Craig or Maurice to answer the door, Linus meowing in frustration from inside the blue cat carrier JC was holding.
Maurice answered the door and welcomed them in. "Craig's out seeing a friend he met after he came to New York in '82." Maurice went over to one of the bookshelves, taking a small frame down. "I don't know if I've showed you this, but this was Craig around that time." He presented to them a Polaroid of Craig in full new romantic regalia, black hair done up in a quiff, leather jacket and a single cross earring in his left ear. "I love how much he looks like Robert Downey, Jr. in Less Than Zero." He put the photo back, taking down another from a higher shelf. "This was me back then. It was when I interned at the Times. I look like Anthony Edwards in Revenge of the Nerds...if he had his Top Gun moustache."
"Maurice is quite the movie buff," Ellie interjected.
"Well, I did start at Clefnotes as a film critic."
"He's the only film critic on staff. Sure, he does some reporting here and there, but his main contribution besides editing is as a film critic."
"Hey"—Maurice went to put the photo back in place—"if you got to see every movie a week early for free, you would too."

JC lightly elbowed Ellie when Maurice's back was turned. "Ask him," he whispered.
"Ask me what?" Maurice asked as he took Linus out of the carrier. "Hello there, fluffbum, ready to spend Christmas with us?"
"Um...JC's going to spend a little time in January in Scotland." Ellie nervously pulled at her coat sleeves. "He's doing some business over there and he, we, were wondering if I could go over with him?"
"We need to know today so we can apply for her visa," JC explained.
"Sure. You need the vacation." Maurice chuckled. "If I didn't know any better, I would be suspicious that you were going over there to get married."
Ellie reeled her head back. "What!..No!..Why?"
"I don't know, since the UK brought in civil partnerships, we've just been having a lot of friends going over there to get married. The more romantic ones seem to be going to Scotland, strangely. I would think England and Scotland are equally romantic, but I guess it's that whole elopement feel, I guess."
"Didn't you and Craig basically elope?" Ellie asked as she took off her coat.
"I guess. We took a train up to Boston for the ceremony, but we had the reception here at home when we got back."
JC traced the edge of the table with his fingers. "Well, that is the way to do it...I mean, if you don't want to go the wedding route. Just have a little ceremony for the legality, but do the reception when you're ready."
Maurice shrugged. "I guess, each to his own. I better let you two get going."

Ellie and JC made their way down the stairwell, stopping halfway down. "You're not thinking that we should...are you?" asked Ellie.
"I mean...my dad is already convinced that we're going to elope and your dad said he was OK with it. We could ask them to join us, if that's what you want."
"How many people would that be?"
"Mom, Dad, Heather and Tyler, that's four. Your parents plus Claire and possibly Derek, that's eight. Lance would make nine. Carlos, Adam and Eric rounds it up to twelve. Plus us, fourteen."
Ellie stood for a moment in thought. "Do you want me to look into it?"
"There's no harm."
Ellie turned to him as she started her way back down the stairs. "How would Lance get there?"
"He would. He'd find a way to get the information out of me. He'd just invite himself."
"More like you'd tell him."
"He won't forgive me if I don't. The others would understand; Lance wouldn't."

Ellie sat in JC's writing room, scrolling through the British Registry web page, reading on the legal requirements to marry in Scotland. JC brought her in a mug of coffee. "Any news?"
"I'm not saying we should, but I don't see any reason why we couldn't. We're both free to marry and willing and able to consent." She picked up the phone and tapped in the number scrawled on a Post-it note. She took a sip of coffee as she waited for the phone to be answered.

"Hello, thank you for calling the New York British Consulate, my name is Emma. How may I help you?"
"Hi, Emma. My name is Elizabeth Argyle. I'm calling to inquire about getting a visa to marry in the U.K."
"The New York Consulate doesn't grant visas. You'll have to call the embassy in Washington. I can give you the number..."

Ellie huffed as she hung up the phone. "Let's just get married in Orlando over Christmas."
"Are you sure?"
"Everyone's going to be there. Claire will jump at the chance not to have to spend the holiday in South Carolina. We won't do it on Christmas, so Lance can fly in."
"OK, if that's what you want...We'll do it on December 31st, say it's a New Year’s party."
Ellie nodded her head. "OK."
"OK." JC leaned on the doorframe. "What do we do about the prenup?"
"Fuck it. Let's go to the City Clerk's office right now and apply for a marriage license. My lawyer has a draft of the prenup. Hector's also a notary. We can sign it tonight, get married tomorrow. Fucking surprise everyone."
He followed her into the kitchen. "We could still do the New Year’s party, ordain Tyler, say it's our wedding."
"Perfect. Let's do that." She put her coat on, grabbing her keys. "I'll buy a dress on the way home tonight."
He kissed her. "Are you sure you want this?"
"I am getting sick and fucking tired of waiting. I want this over and done with."
"We're getting married."
"Tomorrow...Fuck, my heart's racing."

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005.
JC and Ellie stepped out of the cab in front of the New York City Clerk's office at 2:34pm. He kissed her as he lead her across the street. He wore a simple black suit with a white shirt and black tie. She wore a pink dress with a white lace overlay and white pumps underneath the navy blue overcoat he had worn their first night together in the city. Her hair was styled in loose curls falling down her back.

They greeted Maurice and Craig at the bottom of the steps, both in suits and overcoats. Craig snapped a quick photo.
"OK, here we are"—Maurice smiled—"at the City Clerk's office at 2:30pm in our best suits with a camera."
"Why are we here?" Craig asked as he winded the camera, refocusing the lens.
"We're getting married." Ellie tightly held on to JC's hand, smiling up at her soon-to-be husband.
"We know, when?" Craig snapped another photo.
"Now...right now. We're a bit late, but we were able to get married at 2:30."
Maurice nudged Craig. "Told you."
"Will you do the honour of being our witnesses?" JC asked.
"Why us?"
"Free photographer." Craig snapped a picture of Maurice.
"You're the only people I'm really close to in the city and all of JC's friends are away for the holidays."
"OK, well, let's go do it. Let's get you crazy kids married." Maurice watched as Ellie and JC quickly walked up the stairs, taking a look back as he waited for Craig to take a photo of them doing so.

The four of them sat in a hall across from a door to the chapel. JC and Ellie tightly gripped each other's hands, silently whispering sweet nothings to each other.
"Mrs. Elizabeth Chasez," Ellie whispered.
"Mr. and Mrs. Joshua and Elizabeth Chasez."
"Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Chasez." Ellie bit her lip as tears came to her eyes. "This is perfect."
"I'm so nervous I'm going to throw up," JC whispered as he kissed her cheek.
"My heart feels like a wind-up toy right now." She lightly kissed him. "What are we going to do for vows?"
"I don't think we say any vows. I think we just give consent."
"Do you want to say something now? Whilst we wait."
He thought for a moment, clearing his throat. He held his mouth to her ear, gently singing, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." A flash went off as Craig snapped a photo of the two of them, having been signalled by Maurice that a moment was happening.
Ellie paused in thought. "I can't think of anything."
"Anything will do," JC reassured her.
"It's stupid."
"It doesn't matter." He held her as she got up the confidence.

"I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before. And I promise you never, will you hurt any more. I give you my word, I give you my heart, this is a battle we've won. And with this vow, forever has now begun." She smiled as he kissed her, joining in her song. "Just close your eyes, each loving day, and know this feeling won't go away. Till the day my life is through, this I promise you." They sat for a moment in silence, holding each other. "I'm happy it's you," she softly whispered.

At 3:42pm, the clerk opened the door to the chapel. "OK, last one for the day: 413."
Ellie checked their ticket. "That's us."
They followed the clerk in a cream-coloured room, a podium situated underneath a picture of the New York skyline. "Good afternoon, my name is Tom Berkley. I'll be marrying you today." He stood behind the podium. "Are you ready?"
Ellie burst into tears. "Oh...wow," she said as she fanned her face.
"It's OK, ma’am, I see a lot of tears in here." He motioned in front of the podium. "Just stand right here."

JC took Ellie's hand in his, kissing her when he saw the grin she smiled back up at him.
"It'll only take a minute. You can kiss then." Tom looked over the papers, preparing to speak. "I'm very happy today to welcome you here today on your wedding day, Elizabeth Rosemary Argyle and Joshua Scott Chases—"
"Chasez, Sha-zay," JC corrected him.
Tom nodded. "Chasez. Wouldn't want to get that wrong. You have come forward today with the intent to marry following the laws of the state of New York. You have declared yourselves free and willing to marry. Is this correct?"

"Yes..." They both nodded in agreement.

"Can I please have the rings?"
JC took the rings out of his pocket, the diamond ring he had bought her a month ago and the simple platinum band she had purchased the night before.
"Oh, fancy. OK, does anyone here know of any legal reason why these two should not be married?" He paused.
"No." Maurice shook his head, wiping a tear from his cheek.
"Great. Do you, Joshua, take Elizabeth to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love, honour and cherish her as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." JC looked at Ellie as she made a joyful squeak.
Tom gave Ellie's ring to JC, advising him to put it on slowly so Craig could get a good picture. "Wonderful. Do you, Elizabeth, take Joshua to be your lawfully wedded husband—"
"YES!..I'm sorry."
"To love, honour and cherish him as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." She took the ring from Tom, whispering as she slipped the ring on JC's finger, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."
JC lightly kissed her forehead as Tom continued the ceremony. "As both of you stand here today, declaring your intent to be married and have done so in front of everyone present, by the power invested in me by the state of New York: I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

JC took Ellie in his arms, looking down at the cornflower blue eyes he looked up at that night in his trailer. He wiped the tears trickling down her cheek. She was now his wife, his wife Elizabeth, as he was now her husband. "I love you," he whispered as his lips met hers, a flurry of excitement consuming his body.
"I love you, too," she whispered, "Mr. Joshua Chasez."
"Mrs. Joshua Chasez."

"Wonderful." Tom snapped them out of their moment. "This is your marriage certificate. I wish you all of the love and happiness in the world. Good luck and merry Christmas." He smiled as he gave them the thick piece of paper proclaiming that they were now married. He shook everyone's hand as he led them back into the hallway.
Maurice looked at his watch. "Wow...that only took six minutes."
"Is there anywhere in the city you want photos taken?" Craig said as he wiped his lens, clicking the cap on and placing the camera in the small leather case on his hip.

Once the concept of a rotunda was mentioned, Maurice recommended the Cop Cot gazebo in Central Park. The four of them took a taxi to the Sixth Avenue entrance of the park. "I don't know if it's in your taste, but I've always thought it was nice," Maurice said as the four of them walked through the park. "There's a more traditional one by the lake."
They stopped as they saw the wooden structure, an octagonal building covered in dormant vines, snow gathering in and around it. "It's perfect," JC said.
"Great." Maurice tapped him on his shoulder. "I'll go find you some wedding cake."

Maurice was coming back up the hill holding a small white box just as Craig instructed the two of them to stand on the path in front of the sprawling snow-covered lawn. "Just hold still for a moment. I don't have much film left."
"Just hurry up!" Ellie whined. "It's freezing!"
"I let you put your jacket back on. What more could you want?" He winded the camera. "Josh, can I get you to step aside a little bit? I want to get a portrait of Ellie."
JC stepped aside, bending down to make a snowball. Ellie screamed as it hit her square in the back.
"You asshat!" She retaliated, lobbing one back. She stood and watched as he ran onto the lawn. "I can't chase you. I'm wearing heels." JC ran back to her, grabbing and lifting her into his arms, kissing her.
"Did you get all that?" Maurice asked from behind Craig.
"Yep, one shot left, too."
"Can we come back up now?" Ellie asked.
"Sure."
"What were you talking about?" she asked when she made her way back to them.
"I've only got one shot left. I can pick up some Polaroid film on the way home."
"We do live above a camera shop," Maurice commented.
"Do you want me to take a photo of you two?" she asked.
"Yeah," Craig agreed, handing the camera over to her. She snapped the photo of them, Craig with his hands tucked into his pockets and Maurice holding the cake box.

JC and Ellie sat in Maurice and Craig's apartment, waiting for Craig to develop the photos downstairs and Maurice to buy a bottle of champagne. Ellie sat with Linus draped over her lap as JC shifted through Maurice's records. "I don't think you're going to find anything you like in there. It's all jazz."
"Please, I love jazz." JC found a copy of Abbey Road. "Ah! I swear that every person of a certain age has at least one Beatles record." He turned the record player on and placed the vinyl on the turntable, placing the stylus to the right spot. A drum fill sounded as the song started playing. He stepped over to her as he sung along to the lyrics, "Something in the way she moves..." He offered out his hand. "May I have this dance?"
She pushed Linus onto the ground and stood up, taking his hand. "Of course."

He brought her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her waist. They rocked back and forth to the beat. "We shouldn't have done this," she whispered. "I mean, I'm glad we did, but I don't think we should have done it this way."
"We were sick of waiting, sick of so many obstacles always coming up."
"What about our parents?"
"I'll ask a friend of mine to pretend to marry us. Hell, we could even ask Maurice to do it. We can just pretend that we're getting married on New Year’s. That way they can think they saw us get married. We can have our cake and eat it, too."
"I don't know."
"You can get that white dress you want. We'll just surprise them later by saying that we're already married."
She inched closer to him. "Can't we just hold a surprise reception and tell them then?"
"How about we hold a party, just a party, ask Maurice—"
"Ask me what?" Maurice interrupted them as he returned home.
"Would you be willing to fly down to Orlando to spend New Year’s with us?" JC asked.
"Sure...why?"
"An idea was that we hold a quick ceremony for our folks that night. Since you already know we're married, we don't have to explain to you why we want to do it."
"Sure. If Ellie's OK with it. I'm already ordained."
Ellie turned to Maurice, a look of bewilderment on her face. "Why?"
"I'm gay; most of my friends are gay." Maurice shrugged. "Just because the church won't marry us, doesn't mean they can stop us from marrying each other."
JC’s face lit up. "It's perfect."
"I don't know..."
"Baby...just five minutes in front of the lake. We just say some vows and Maurice says a few words."
"It'll be over as quickly as your actual wedding."
"What? The consummation?" Craig placed a brown envelope on the table. "Here are your wedding photos, and here is your wedding album courtesy of Andrea downstairs." He placed an old-fashioned cardboard album on the table next to the envelope.
"JC and I are scheming to hold a proper wedding at his house in Orlando on New Year’s," Maurice explained as he started gathering plates from the kitchen.
"I'm sorry, but he's taken," Craig teased. "I'll ask a friend to watch the cats. We could go to Disney World."
Maurice started setting four places at the table. "That'll be your Christmas present. Ellie has to agree, though."
"Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please!" Craig jokingly begged. "It's Disney World."
Craig put a roll of film into his Polaroid camera. "Can you two please get back into the slow dance position you were in a minute ago? I want to recreate your first dance."

Ellie sat on her and JC's bed, flipping through the wedding album the four of them had put together over angel food cupcakes, pizza, and champagne. She glanced over the black and white candids of the ceremony and the impromptu snowball fight at the park, the colour portraits in the gazebo and the polaroids of the little details, the rings, the cake and the photo she had quickly taken in Maurice and Craig's bathroom of her dress. Joy filled her as she repeatedly flipped through the pages.

JC walked out of the bathroom. "I was wondering, what am I going to do with that dog tag you gave me on my birthday? It lists our wedding date as the thirteenth of April next year." He started to dry himself off.
"I don't know. Maybe we'll do something special on that day." She stopped and thought for a moment. "The number on our ticket was 413. The dog tag says 41306. It's our ticket number."
"Yeah, but what would the '06' mean?"
"Didn't Maurice say the whole thing took only six minutes? 413 is our number and 06 is how long our ceremony was in minutes." She placed the album on the bedside table. "I'll get you another dog tag made with 122105 and give it to you for Christmas."
He got on the bed and kissed her, getting under the covers naked. "I guess you predicted something, just not our wedding date."

She looked at him as he lay on his side. "So...it's happening that way?" She took off the little white lace nightgown she was wearing, snuggling under the covers facing him.
"What way?"
"Why are you in bed naked?" she asked him.
"Why are you in bed naked?"
"I asked you first."
"I asked you more recently."

They lay there for a while just looking at each other. "I'm surprised we waited this long to 'officiate this union,' per se," she said.
"Are you OK with how we did this, I mean the wedding?"
"You know what, yeah. We couldn't wait and we got sick of everything just...I don't know."
"Trying to come between us?"
"I guess."
"So you agree with me? This was the best way to do it?" He placed his head on his hand.
"It feels right. It's not like we can go back on it now. Hector is going to send a copy of the prenup to Adam. Adam is going to know that we rushed it. They can't force us to annul the marriage or divorce. It's done; we're happy with it. You're my husband."
"And you're my wife."
"Not in a biblical sense."
"The religious way, or the sexy way?" He leaned over and kissed her.
"The sexy way. Remember, we need to get this perfect," she reminded him.

He slid off the bed, kneeling as he pulled her towards him. She got up on her elbows as she watched him start to lick her pussy. She looked into his piercing blue eyes as she knew he wanted to give her the best orgasm he could.

"Best wedding present ever," she whispered as she lay down, stroking his hair as he kissed and teased her. She moaned as a warm wave of pleasure coursed over her body, her skin prickling with goosebumps. She lifted her pelvis, digging her feet into the edge of the mattress. He steadied her legs as he devoured her. She let out a cry as she gripped the sheet, taking a handful of his hair as she came.

"Baby..." She reached down for him, sitting up as she kissed him, gasping in between their mouths meeting in violent tenderness.
"Get on the bed," he growled as he climbed over her, lying on his side at the head of the bed. She paused for a moment just to look at him. Her eyes wandered over his body: his form rising and falling in laboured breaths, his lips wet with her sweetness and their kisses, his hand stroking his cock, waiting for her to receive him. She married this man. She was now in the holiest of unions with the sexual Adonis lying on her bed: their bed, their marital bed.

She crawled up to him, kissing him as she turned him over. She lay on top of him as she guided him into her. She mimicked his rhythm as she slowly rocked back and forth with her arms placed on each side on his head. She made love to him: kissing him, grunting as she took as much of him as she could. She glowed as she savoured his fingers digging into her back, her nipples grazing his chest with every movement she made. She sat up as he repositioned his knees, knowing he was going to start thrusting into her. She bit her lip as she grinded into him, placing her hands on his stomach as she threw her head back, gasping as he gripped her thighs and started to reciprocate her motions.

"Fuck, Mummy," he whispered as she ran her nails through his chest hair, reaching down to start pleasuring her. He sat up, taking her nipple into his mouth as she clenched him. She lifted her arm up and dug her fingers into his hair, gasping as she came. He wrapped his arms around her and lay back down, taking her with him. She licked the sweat pooling where his collarbones met, clinging to the sheet on each side of his head as she determined to finish, pushing through the haze starting to come over her. She shut her eyes and increased her rhythm, feeling his body tense up under her. She looked down at him as he groaned, enjoying that he was making the faces she knew she made when he made love to her.

Suddenly, he dug his nails into her back, crying out in ecstasy. She relaxed her body, trying not to have him slip out of her in case he wasn't done. Yet his breathing eased as they kissed, coming down off their high. She played with his hair as they gazed into each other's eyes.
"Well, fuck damn," he whispered.
She smiled as she kissed him. "Tell me that I am not the best lover you've ever had."
"Why do you think I married you?"
"For my money," she teased.
"Well, you only married me so you could parade me around your boss."
"Of course, I've always wanted a trophy husband."

She kissed his cheek as he placed his left hand above his head. She intertwined her left fingers with his, running her pinky along the side of his ring finger, where he now wore her ring.
"What is it?" he asked her, trying to see what she was looking at.
"Our rings." She showed him their hands. "It not just my ring now. You've got one, too."
"It's weird when you realise little things now that you’re married."
"Like what?"
"It's just weird, you know? Do you remember that night in the trailer when you kissed me? I had this moment during our wedding where I saw a flash of your eyes looking down at me. I think that's when I fell in love with you."
"No, it wasn't."
"No, it was. It was like you cared for me, like you could see how broken I was when no one else could...You saved me." A single tear fell down his cheek.
"We saved each other...or something." She turned onto her side. "I doubt anyone saw that you were depressed."
"I doubt it." He turned to face her. "You'll be amazed how self-centred a lot of my friends are."

They lay there for a moment, playing with each other's fingers. "You know what's really weird?" she asked.
"What?"
"We're married now, like actually married. We had a wedding and now you're my husband and I'm your wife." She swept her hair over her shoulder. "It just blows my mind, you know?"
"Yeah, like how my wife's name is Elizabeth."
"And my husband's name is Joshua. Like, seriously, Joshua. I get this weird...thing whenever I realise it." Her eyes widened. "My husband is a Mouseketeer; my husband used to be in *NSYNC. My husband has two Grammys."
"Try not to dwell too much on it, please."
"Why not?"
"I don't want you to get too caught up in that." He started running his fingers through her hair.
"That's why it's so amazing though. I never even think about those things, but it amazes me when I realise it...I'm very proud of you."
"I don't know."
"I'm part of that now, you know? The shitty side of your career. It's my life now, too."
"You don't want that."
"You're right, I don't. But I took it on when I started dating you, hell, even back when we were just casual. I decided to enter that world for you." She lifted her head onto her hand.
"I don't want to talk about it." He pulled the bedclothes over them, snuggling into the pillows. "It's my wedding day."
She smiled, leaning down to kiss him. "You know, it's been the twenty-second for around twenty minutes now."
He turned to look at the clock. "You're right."
"How do you want to start your first full day as a married man?"
"Knowing that I have to catch a plane at 3pm?"
"Well, yeah."
"I want to get to sleep."
"What else?"
"I want to tell you that I love you."
"Really?..I love you, too." She snuggled up into his chest. "My love, my husband, my beloved."
"My boo."
"You're fucking adorable."
"It's a talent."

Chapter 22 - Kiss Me at Midnight

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005.
JC called his father as he and Ellie bought groceries in a service station in Orlando. "Hey, Dad, it's me, Josh."
"Hey, did you get into town OK?" Roy asked.
"Yeah. We're just picking up some things at the store."
"OK. Do you still want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?"
"That's the thing. Ellie's parents fly in on Saturday, and the week has been kind of hectic for us. You know, Ellie's last week at work before the holidays. We were kind of wondering if we could maybe have tomorrow to ourselves."
"OK. I understand," Roy said.
"Also, we're thinking of throwing a New Year’s party at my place. Just a small thing with a few friends and family." JC gestured at Ellie as she shook her head.
"No!" she whispered.
"It's only a party." He covered the microphone of his cell.
"I'm not throwing a fake wedding."
"It'll only take a few minutes. Don't you want your parents to see you get married?"
She held her finger up. "No!"
"You don't want them—"
"Don't pull that shit. Don't try to make it worse."
"We can make it better."
She paused, her lips pursed. "I hate you..." She walked over to the dairy fridge in a huff.
JC returned to the call with his father. "Sorry, Ellie and I were just discussing something. About the party, it'll just be a small thing with some friends and such. Just dinner, you know?"
"I'll talk it over with your mother."
"Great, I'll talk to you later."
"OK, bye."
"Bye." JC flipped his phone shut, putting it into his pocket as Ellie glared at him from the newsstand.

Ellie dialled her parents' phone number into her cell on the way home. "One condition, I'll do it on one condition." She held the phone up to her ear as her mother answered. "Mama?"
"Yes, baby?"
"I was wondering if you and Daddy could maybe stay a few days after Christmas."
"How long?" Emily asked.
"Just a few days, a week tops. We'd like to have you over for New Year’s."
"Ellie, you know your daddy can't stay up past 9:30."
"I know, but it'll be fun. You'll get to meet all of Josh's friends and just be normal for a bit, get away from the farm for a bit."
"Honey, the farm is our normal. What are we going to do with the horses?"
"Josh is more than willing to pay for you to board them."
"I guess Nathan could watch them for a few more days."
"Thanks, Mama. It means a lot to me...By the way, I need you to bring up your dress, you know the one."
"My wedding dress?"
"Yes, Mama."
"Why?"
"I think you know why...We're ready."
Emily choked up. "OK, I'll wash it and bring with us."
"You can't make a big fuss over it. We don't want anyone to know yet."
"I understand...thanks for telling me. Bye."
"Bye." Ellie waited for her mother to hang up and flipped her phone shut. "My mom knows; soon Dad will, too. We'll find a way to inform your parents. I'm not lying to them about anything else."
"OK, we'll do it that way." JC nodded.
"I need to warn you, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm really shit at lying and keeping secrets."
"We're boned."

The next afternoon, JC sat naked in the sun streaming through the blinds on his side bedroom window. He dabbed a small brush into his palette and traced a fern leaf into one of the slats he had drawn in pencil on the piece of board in his lap. He looked up at his subject, Ellie lying naked across the white ottoman underneath the window. He rinsed his brush in the small shot glass filled with water and picked his pencil back up, continuing to draw the curves of his wife's bare form.
"Stop moving your legs," he muttered as he drew the curve of her back.
"Get over here and make love to me."
"Again?"
"I could go again." She rested her chin on the back of her hand. "Being someone's muse is strangely erotic." She watched him as he drew her. "I don't know how you're not horny right now."
"I am, sort of. Men have different levels of turned on: there's not turned on, kinda turned on, and raging hard on. I'm a little in between the second and third right now." He placed his pencil down and continued to paint the foliage outside his window.
"I can't believe you're painting me naked as a Christmas present," she commented.
"I can't believe you're accepting it as a Christmas present."
"You married me; that's the best Christmas present you ever could have given me."
"I'm happy we're in love now." He rinsed his brush and placed it on the paper towelling next to him. "I know a few guys who married the wrong women as a last resort to save a failing relationship. I'm happy we still like each other."
"Granted, I've seen a lot of relationships tested by the planning of the wedding. Maybe we sidestepped something just by eloping."
"Yeah."
"I don't know why you want to complicate things by holding a fake ceremony." She turned over onto her back.
"Think of it as my Christmas present." He turned the picture around to show it to her. "What do you think? I still need to paint the wall and curtains, plus your skin tone. I also want to do the window and blinds in white acrylic. I'm then going to redo the lines in either ink or pencil."
"Cool...are you going to make love to me now?"

Saturday, December 24th, 2005.
Ellie slowly pulled out of the pick-up bay of the airport, her mother next to her and her father in the backseat.
"That's a pretty ring," Emily commented, pointing to Ellie's wedding ring.
"Thank you."
"I guess that means everything's official then—"
"What?" Ellie snapped her head to face her mother.
"I mean, he must be serious about marrying you if he bought you an actual diamond."
"I don't know. He gave it to me a month ago. We're not really following a definite plan of how things should occur."
"How do you know if you're ready to get married then?" John leaned forward to interject.
Ellie squeezed her hands on the steering wheel, grunting as another motorist overtook her. "Maybe that's for us to decide."
"I just don't think—"
"Look, I had to go to a mall on Christmas Eve trying to chase down a certain kind of photo frame. I also had to buy enough groceries to feed four people for a long weekend, including trying to get what ingredients I know you would want to bake an out-of-season pie. I had to drive half an hour in a city I'm unfamiliar with to pick you up at the airport, and now I have to drive another half hour home. I have to plan a...fucking New Year’s party and frankly, I'm not in the mood for you to berate me because...I don't fucking know. The big white wedding, it's not happening, it's gone, poof, vanished. I'm sorry if you wanted that, but we don't."
“What’s wrong?” John slumped back into the middle seat.
“I don’t know. I’m just stressed, OK?”

Ellie stormed through the front door, throwing the keys at JC as he entered the foyer from the studio. “Here, they’re your parents now. You can deal with them. The groceries are in the trunk. I’ll be upstairs.”
He walked out to the driveway, hugging Emily as he greeted her. “Hey, Mom.”
“Mom..?” Emily furrowed her brow in confusion.
“We don’t really use ‘Mama’ where I’m from, at least I don’t.”
“OK? Is this a thing the kids are doing…or?”
“Well, since I’m marrying Ellie…You have realised that we would become in-laws, right?”
Emily turned to her husband. “I guess so. I never really thought of it until now. I guess we don’t have as much time as I thought. That is, if you’re doing what I think you two are doing. Are you?” Emily turned back to JC, an inquisitive look in her eyes.
“I can neither confirm nor deny anything.”

JC knocked on the bedroom door, slowly opening it as Ellie sat staring out the window. “Are you OK?”
“I can’t do this.” She turned around to face him, kneeling on the bed. “I can’t hide the fact that I’m already married from them, nor can I hide your plan to throw a surprise ceremony. Can’t we just tell them?”
“Baby, I’m as scared as you are, OK.”
“Then why are we doing this?”
“I don’t know, OK? I…” He walked over and sat on the bed. “I can’t completely let go of the idea of having an actual wedding. My parents have done so much for me, our parents have done so much for us, I feel like we’re…I don’t know…cutting them out of the situation by eloping.”
“It’s selfish to want two weddings—“
“It’s selfish to say to the people who raised you, in your case spent thousands of dollars putting you through school, that they can’t be part of one of the most important moments of your life.”
“My parents chose to pay for my education. I easily could’ve worked my way through college.”
“Don’t change the subject.” He exhaled in frustration.

"Don't try and guilt me into doing something incredibly shitty."

“Did you ever stop to think about how shitty it was that we invited Maurice and Craig and not our parents?”
“We needed witnesses. They were the only two who could do it on such short notice.”
“We only needed one witness—“
“Are you regretting the way we did it?” she interjected.
“Yes…kind of.”
“Why?”
He sat for a moment, thinking. “I don’t know. I just…feel…”
“What do you feel? What are you struggling with?” She inched closer to him.
“I just…I feel shitty about the fact that we did it the way you’re not supposed to do it and that it feels right. I feel shitty about the fact that we did it when we wanted to, on our own, and it feels wonderful that we did. I feel shitty about the fact that we’ve denied your parents of something they won’t get to experience any other way. I feel shitty about the fact that my mom, both of them, would’ve wanted to be there. I feel shitty that my dad was right about us eloping. I’m thinking that maybe if we hold a little thing down here, we won’t offend anyone.”
“Then why can’t we tell them?”
“Dad will try to talk us out of it. Do you remember the night we got engaged? How he pulled you into the kitchen? He will tell us in every way he can that it’s a mistake. We eloped to avoid that.”
“And you’re not opening up any opportunities to allow that negativity back in?”
“Yeah.”
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing his ear. "OK, but, BUT, if anything starts to go wrong, I won't do it. We're not spending anything more than we would on just the party, and if anyone figures anything out, we tell them. OK?"
"OK."

Sunday, December 25th, 2005 - Christmas Day.
"Merry Christmas." Ellie lightly kissed JC after she woke up. He grunted and turned over, soon falling back to sleep. She put on a pair of pajama pants under the oversized t-shirt she had slept in and quietly tiptoed out into the hall.
"Baby." Emily whispered from the second bedroom.
"Merry Christmas, Mama."
"Come here." Emily motioned for Ellie to join her. "Your father's downstairs making breakfast."
"Do you know what he's making?"
"No idea. You know him, he’s always up by 0600 hours and if he doesn't have anything else to do, he starts cooking. Do you know when Josh is going to be up?"
"Not really. He isn't as set in his ways as Daddy. Sometimes he's up before me; sometimes he sleeps in. He'll get up when the food's ready."
Emily carefully unzipped her suitcase. "I thought, since your daddy's busy..." She slowly lifted a white lace dress with pink satin trim around the bust, waist and hem out and laid it on the bed. "If you still want to wear it, it's OK, but if you want to get married in another dress...it's your day."
"It's beautiful." Ellie carefully lifted up the dress and held it against her body, smoothing the sweetheart neckline over her chest. "Every dress I've looked at has in some way resembled your dress. I thought that I might as well cut to the chase and just wear yours."
"Do you know what you're going to wear with it?"
"Only the shoes. I've brought down some pieces I could wear with it, in regards to jewellery, but nothing that really sticks out."
Emily dug through her suitcase, taking out a old flannel pillowcase. "This might seem presumptuous, but I brought down my flowers. The ones your grandmother made me with the scraps from the material Eliza used for the dress." She presented Ellie with a small posy of silk pink roses and white magnolias. "You would not believe what the security officer asked me in the airport; she wondered if I was going down to Florida to get married." Emily dug through the pillowcase and got out the very last piece, the large white silk magnolia bloom she had worn on her own wedding day. "I explained to her that my baby was getting married instead." A small smile came over her lips. "Baby, you know your father and I just want you to be happy, right? We're OK if you don't want some big wedding."
"I just thought...since...you know..." Ellie delicately placed the dress back on the bed.
"I remember when all of my school friends and sorority sisters got married. They always had these huge weddings, these giant church weddings where their daddies would rent these big tents for the receptions. I always felt those weddings were more for the pomp and circumstance than to actually celebrate the event. I always enjoyed the weddings where they'd have a small ceremony and then throw this big party, like a barbecue or a crab boil. Your granny made the most amazing crab boil for our wedding...Do you think we can convince your father to do one next Saturday?"
"We'll have to ask Karen. Apparently, Josh's family is very particular about how their crabs are done, and even though Josh would have them either way, I'm not sure about the whole family."
"I don't think they would mind."
"Mama..." Ellie grabbed Emily's arm. "I don't think you get it. They don't do their boils the way we do. They steam them...with beer."

John carefully balanced the pie dish on his arm as he knocked on the Chasezes’ front door. Heather answered.
"Hey. What's that?"
"Cherry pie."
"It's Christmas."
"Ellie's family has cherry pie at Christmas," JC explained.
"Why?"
"My parents got married on Christmas Eve. It's the only thing my mama would eat afterwards."
Heather pursed her lips in confusion.
"She was pregnant...with me."
"Well, I guess that's a thing we do now." Heather walked through to the kitchen.
"What do we do now?" Karen came out of the kitchen wearing a homemade apron printed with holly and Christmas baubles.
"They brought cherry pie."
"And ice cream," Ellie interjected.
Karen looked over to her husband and youngest son, sitting watching an old movie.
"It'll do, Karen," Roy grumbled.
"It's Christmas."
"We're lucky they're not deep-frying anything in our backyard. It'll do."
"We agreed that you make the dinner, I'll do the dessert. We have cherry pie in our family." John placed the pie on the counter.
"No, it's fine." Karen tried to calm her breathing. "I'm just trying to cook for eight people on a holiday and I just wasn't expecting cherry goshdarnit pie."
"I can make something else."
"It's fine...it's fine."

"What's this?" Roy pointed to the ring on JC's finger as he sat down on the couch.
"It's a ring..."
"Why is it on your ring finger?"
"Uh...Ellie and I thought it was time to buy my wedding ring. It's a bit tight, so I haven't taken it off since we bought it."
"Where did you get it?"
"Tiffany's, on Fifth Avenue," Ellie stated as she placed the bag of presents by the tree.
"Can't you get it resized?"
"Roy...you don't resize Tiffany's. It either fits you, or you don't wear it."
"Then get another ring."
"No, I chose that ring. I bought that ring for my husband."
"Why?"
"We were in the area; it's a New York institution."
"She wanted to, Dad."
"ROY, YOU'RE RUINING CHRISTMAS! I DON'T GET A LOT OF DAYS WHERE MY BABIES ARE IN THE SAME ROOM AND YOU'RE NOT RUINING IT FOR ME!" Karen yelled from the kitchen.

"Does anyone want to say grace?" Karen finally settled down at the dining table.
"Would you mind if I said it, Mom?" JC asked.
"Um...sure."
The eight of them joined hands, JC clearing his throat. "Lord, we thank you for this day, we thank you for this meal and for sending your son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to save us. We thank you for bringing our families together and we thank you for everything you have blessed us with this year. Amen."
"Amen." The eight of them put napkins in place and passed dishes around.
"Wait..." Tyler set the stopwatch on his cellphone. "OK, JC...3,2,1, go."
"Does he do this every year?" Emily asked.
"I'm timing him to see if he’s getting slower or faster," Tyler responded.
"Mama, you've seen how Josh eats like a duck. I've revised the Heimlich manoeuvre just in case," Ellie stated.

"How long are you staying in Orlando?" Karen asked.
"Until the first of next month," John responded. "Emily has gotten this idea that these two are getting married over New Year’s."
Heather dropped her fork on her plate. "Holy shit!"
"Heather!"
"That's not what I heard." Roy leaned back in his chair. "I got a call from Adam saying that he got a call from some Hector person saying that he was sending him down a final and signed copy of the prenuptial agreement. Is there anything you two need to tell us?"
"Um...sur...surprise." Ellie awkwardly smiled.
"We did the legal stuff up in New York before we flew down, just to save any running around. We're holding the ceremony on New Year's Eve. You know, do a surprise thing," JC explained.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Heather spit out.
"Wait...are you two married yet or not?" Tyler asked.
"Eh." JC shook his hand. "Technically yes, technically no."

Ellie threw her napkin on the table, storming into the downstairs bathroom. JC followed her in.
"TECHNICALLY YES, TECHNICALLY NO? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"
"Calm down—" He reached out for her arm.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP THIS KIND OF SECRET AND LIE TO EVERYONE AND THE MOMENT YOUR LITTLE PHIL COLLINS LOOKING BROTHER ASKS YOU, YOU FUCKING TELL THEM EVERYTHING?"
"They're my family."
"WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY? HUH?"
"I don't know, OK. Can you please lower your voice?"
"NO! I WANT THEM TO FUCKING KNOW! I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT WE GOT MARRIED ON TUESDAY. I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT WE ARE LEGALLY, SPIRITUALLY AND BIBLICALLY HUSBAND AND WIFE." She paused for a moment.
"It was Wednesday."
"Shut the fuck up." She ripped open the door, sitting back down in the dining room. "Anything you want to ask?"
"Why?" Roy inquired.
"We got sick of waiting. We got sick of everyone telling us that we shouldn't or can't. We got sick of trying to find ways to reconcile everyone's wishes and constantly meeting obstacles."
"OK, if that's what you want. Do you still want your reception thing?"
"I have a friend coming down from New York who's ordained...apparently. Because of the nature of the way we legally got married, we never said any vows. We were thinking that maybe he could preside over them next Saturday."
JC sat back down. "It'll just be a little five-minute thing. If you guys want that, we can do it for you."
A silence fell over them. "I'd like to see it," Heather commented. "It'll be nice."
"Is this friend a man of God?"
JC chuckled. "No."
"He's my editor," Ellie explained.
"Wait...the gay one?" John swallowed his bite.
"His name's Maurice."
"Oh, so he got ordained so he could marry his gay friends when no one else would," Heather said. "Smart."
"Then he's not—"
Heather cut off her father. "And the civil servant who officiated the civil ceremony is? As our society changes into a more secular society, our definition of marriage needs to change with it."
"I don't look like Phil Collins, do I?"

The eight of them sat around the living room after dinner, handing around presents.
Tyler tore open the rectangular parcel Heather had gotten him out of the fridge.
"Oh my God, cheese! You got me a block of cheese."
"American cheddar, too. Finest in the world."
Tyler made a little squeak as he hugged his present. "Best sister ever." He passed her over a thin package wrapped in newspaper covered in stars drawn in red marker. "Open mine."
"Pantyhose..in opaque white." Heather battered the air. "Fancy."

"Here, for you, Roy." Emily handed Roy the small box. "Ellie said you liked model aeroplanes." She watched attentively as Roy unwrapped the present. "It's a Consolidated B-24 Liberator. It's the plane my dad flew in the war."
"It's very nice." Roy passed over a poorly wrapped horse figurine. "I saw this at the hobby shop and thought of you."
"A palomino."
"I painted her myself. I don't usually do horses, but I saw the thoroughbred figure and I thought I'd try."
"She's beautiful." Emily started crying. "Shit..."

"Who's next?" Heather went through the pile next to her. "I only have Ellie's left." She exchanged a large, soft package for a small, purple gift bag. "Josh told me that you like oversized sweaters and books."
"You know me so well." Ellie unwrapped the parcel, talking out the large apricot, hand-knitted sweater.
"I made it to Josh's measurements. He said most of his stuff is big on you."
"Is this the one you were knitting over Thanksgiving?"
"Yeah, it took me a while, but it's something to kill the time." Heather carefully opened the box revealing a silver bracelet with a row of flower charms made of amethyst gems.
"Heather usually blooms in purple," Ellie explained. "The charms don't have the shape of a heather bloom, but I thought it was cute."
Heather paused, a small smile coming to her face. "You know, this is the kind of present Josh would've gotten me if he a, knew anything about flowers and b, didn't hate Christmas shopping."
"OK, I'm officially worried about my present." Ellie took a small sip of coffee.

"Are we exchanging presents now?" She handed JC a small box wrapped in Christmas paper as he handed a square-shaped envelope to her. "It's a record," she said as she felt it.
"She got me a slinky..." He opened the blue cardboard box to find a small parcel wrapped in blue tissue paper. "And a dog tag."
"What does it say?" Tyler leaned over trying to read what was stamped into the metal.
JC read out the engraving, "Joshua and Elizabeth: 122105." He got out his car keys and placed the tag on the small beaded chain with the one she had gotten him for his birthday. "It's our wedding date."
"I was hoping you would change your mind about the fake ceremony."
"Why the slinky?"
"The useless fact from our first interview. It was about the government inventing the slinky, then I corrected you saying that it was really invented by a naval engineer. It was a last minute idea when I was at the mall yesterday." She opened the envelope. She turned her head towards him, her lips pursed and eyes squinted. "A 45 record of ‘Something’ by the Beatles." She angled the disc, checking for blemishes in the overhead light. "Great condition, barely any scratches. I can't imagine that this was cheap, especially in New York."
"I bought it off Chris, actually. I told him the situation and he said it was fine. He knows it's our first Christmas together."
"I hope he didn't ask too much."
"No, just enough to buy a replacement."
She leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you."

"I guess it’s just us left." Karen handed over what was obviously some kind of toiletry wrapped in paper to Ellie. "If I had know the circumstances, I would've put a lot more thought into it."
Ellie flipped the cap up off the bottle of body wash. "Nah, I love vanilla. Thank you." She handed over a rectangular parcel each to Emily and Karen. "I want you to have copies of these." Ellie had gotten a set of three frames for each set of parents, each connected by a hinge that folded in on each other. From left to right, the photos were of JC leaning against a post in his wedding suit, the middle photo being the two of them, Ellie in only her wedding dress with Central Park sprawled out behind them and the right photo being of Ellie in JC's blue overcoat. She pointed to the pink lace dress in the centre photo. "That's the dress I got married in."
"Why pink?" Emily mumbled.
"I didn't really feel like wearing white. I kind of just fell in love with it when I found it."
"It's really pretty." Karen folded the wrapping paper up. "Is that it?"

John handed over a box to Ellie. "I wanted you to wear these on your wedding day. They were my mother's."
Ellie took out the string of pearls. "Well, I feel shit, now."
"Not as shit as I do." John leaned against his fist. "I find out that I didn't get to see my little girl get married and my son-in-law's mother got me the same baking dish I got her for Christmas."
Ellie placed the pearls into the bag by her feet, taking out two parcels and two brown paper envelopes. She handed one parcel to JC and the envelopes to Karen and Emily. "These are from Maurice and Craig. I'm guessing they're prints of the photos we had done in Central Park."
"Yeah..." Karen flipped through the photos. "What did they get you?"
"North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. Maurice thinks there's a similarity here, the scruffy Northerner who earned his riches through hard work falling in love with the refined, educated Southern belle." She found the white envelopes at the back of the book, a Post-it note saying, "If you change your minds," written in Craig's handwriting. "I don't know what these are, but Craig wants you to have them if we decided to tell you, about the wedding."

Roy took the envelope addressed to him and his wife from Ellie, opening it and flipping through the black and white candids Craig took of the ceremony. "I'm guessing Craig's your photographer friend that I met in April, the photojournalist?"
"Yeah..."
"He's very talented."
"I tell him that." Ellie pulled down on her skirt, a tense silence falling over the room.
"What did they get you, Josh?"
JC flipped open the card taped onto the front of the brown paper parcel. "Josh, wishing you all the love and safety this Christmas, Maurice and Craig." He undid the red ribbon wrapped around the box, unwrapping the paper. "It's a box of condoms."

JC stared up at the Christmas night sky, never having come in once they had returned back from dinner. Ellie crept out to the driveway, climbing into the convertible's backseat with him.
"You look like James Dean in that jacket," she commented as she snuggled into the bright red hoodie he was wearing.
They sat in silence until he finally spoke. "I think we fucked up."
"I want this, I want to be married to you, but I didn't think I would break our mothers' hearts doing it. Your mom seemed really cut up by it."
"How's Emily taking it?"
"She's crying upstairs and Dad's baking, which means he's fucking pissed off."
"Dad had that resigned silence he gets when he's disappointed at something."
"We were being really selfish when we decided to elope." Ellie ran her nails along the zipper of his jacket.
"What was our reasons again?"
"We got sick of having to wait, of people telling us we couldn't."
"Is that reason enough?"
"The fact that we're in love and that it's what we chose to do should be enough."
"You know, I was kind of expecting Maurice to give you a copy of Romeo and Juliet. The whole star-crossed lovers who elope thing."
"I think he can justify it. He's not as close to his family as we are to ours. Plus, I think he just wanted us to be caught up in the romance as long as we could."
They sat for a moment, just thinking to themselves. "I'll go see if I can talk to Mom." Ellie climbed out of the car.

"Mama..?" Ellie slowly opened the door of the guest bedroom.
"I shouldn't have become a mother."
"Don't say that." Ellie carefully sat at her mother's feet on the bed. "You're a wonderful mother."
"I never should've had you. The doctor told me to get my uterus removed after I lost Hannah. I should have."
"But you didn't. You didn't want to, so you didn't."
Emily sat up, crossing her legs so she could face her daughter. "Do you know why I called you Elizabeth?"
Ellie nodded.
"When my father died, my mama put everything she could fit into the bed of his truck and drove all the way to Baton Rouge from Lawton. As you can imagine, there wasn't a lot we could take. We moved into my granny's house and I hated it. I hated the city. I hated everyone at school. I was fucking miserable. I just wanted to go back home and live with Daddy again. But every time I asked my mama, she said we couldn't...I forgot what I was like to be happy." Emily picked at her nails as she stared into the green-striped bedspread. "That Christmas, my grandmother got me the most beautiful doll. She had golden hair and the most beautiful pink dress. She looked just like the dolly I had back in Oklahoma. I named her Elizabeth after my grandmother, because she found a way for me to be happy again. I know it sounds stupid, but I was just seven. When I fell pregnant with you, I felt the same way, like I was learning to be happy again after being so sad. I swore if you came out a girl I would name you after my grandmother.
“You were the best Christmas present I ever got. And to think you would get married behind my back on the very day I found out I was having you."
"I'm sorry. I was being stupid. I've been stupid about everything regarding Josh. I...I've never been in love like this before." Ellie nervously played with the hem of her skirt. "I feel like I need to experience everything as quickly as I can. I'm scared it's going to end too soon. I don't want to lose him."
"Do you think—?"
"I don't know." Ellie sputtered into tears. "I'm not sure. I think he loves me; he sure acts like it, but I'm scared one day he just won't any longer. Even if it's for a week, I want him to be my husband."
"I know. You want the fairytale."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. If I wanted you to be sensible, I wouldn't have let you read all of those books. Do you know what Margaret does in that book Maurice gave you? She learns to follow her heart and marry for love, not do the sensible thing."
"She buys half of Thornton's mills so she has owner's share," Ellie pointed out.
"She still marries him because she loves him."
"Are you saying my Darcy's not a Darcy but a Thornton? Josh is too sensitive to be like John Thornton."
"Maybe he's more of a Wickham and you're more of a Lydia," Emily suggested.
"Considering the red coat he's currently wearing, possibly." Ellie laughed.
"Come here, baby." Emily reached out her arms to Ellie. "You're the greatest thing I ever did, you know. All I ever wanted was to have a little girl and I reckon I got the best one out." She lightly kissed Ellie's crown. "I don't care that you two got married. It's up to you what you do, not us."
"What about Josh's parents?"
"They'll come around."
"What about Daddy?"
"We'll make it up to him."

Ellie quietly watched as her mother talked things over with her father. "I think that you should look at it from their point of view instead of yours."
"Why?"
"They're in love. Maybe that's enough to justify it, maybe it's enough to excuse their stupidity."
"But I don't want my girl—"
"If she stayed in Baton Rouge, she would've been stupid. If she married Miles, she would've been stupid. She's just trying to figure out her way to be happy."
"She shouldn't need a husband to be happy."
"Tell me, would you be happy if you had to wake up everyday knowing that I wasn't going to be in the bed with you?"
John let out a dismayed sigh. "No."
"What?"
"No." John slumped down at the kitchen table.
"That's right. Think of it this way, we got a son for Christmas, and I didn't need to spend the last eight hours in labour for it to occur."
"What about his parents?"
"I don't know." Emily sat next to her husband. "You know what I think is weird? I was watching some television program about that group he was in, and Roy told him that he would regret it if he didn't at least try to make a career out of singing. How is being married to our daughter any different?"
"Music won't break his heart."

Saturday, December 31st, 2005 - New Year's Eve.
"Do you want this?" Ellie tapped the pregnancy test on her hand as she sat on the edge of the bathtub. During a squabble regarding the angel food cake her father was making for the party that night, JC had pulled her aside, asking her to calm down.
"I fucking can't calm down. I've been stressed so much these past few days that I'm nearly two weeks late." This issue had been dwelling on her mind since Christmas. The stress of the holiday and keeping such a secret like the elopement could've easily delayed her period by a few days, but she had never been this overdue. When JC realised what she was referring to, he grabbed her and drove her to the nearest drugstore, nervously tapping on the console as she bought the test.
"I don't know. If it happens, it happens. We can't change anything, and I don't think you're willing to...do anything about it. How long would you be?"
"About five weeks, going from my last period. I was due the day we got married."
"Imagine that, same day."
"It would've been the week...earlier."
"Isn't ovulation usually two weeks before—"
"Oh, thank God. I really didn't want to explain to you how I got pregnant whilst you were away."
"I think sperm can survive that long sometimes, anyway."
"I guess, if it's at body temperature. I don't know. They told us a lot of weird shit in sex ed."

She waited longer, ignoring the timer on her phone. "What do you want?"
"I don't know. I guess I'd be OK with it either way."
"It's not a great time for us to have a baby. You've got that deal thing to work out. Plus, it'll make it look like we had a shotgun wedding."
"If anything, it'll excuse our behaviour more. 'No, it wasn't because we're stupid; we're having a baby.'"
"I don't want to know...I kind of don't want it to be positive, but I also don't want it to be negative."
"Do you want a baby?"
"We could just get another cat. Rescue a kitty when we get back from Scotland."
"What if we are pregnant?" He tried to take the test out of her hands.
"It's got my pee on it."
"Really, now?" He turned the test over. "What does the leaflet say again?"
"One line means it's done; two means it's positive," Ellie read off the box.
"I think it's negative." He showed her the test, only one line appearing in the smallest of the two windows.
"OK then."
"Is that what you wanted?"
"I don't know...I kind of just feel blank. You know, it is what it is."
"Yeah." JC placed the test back into the silver wrapping and the box it had come in. He folded the leaflet back up and threw it all into the bin under the sink. "Everyone will be wondering where we are." He washed his hands, leaving Ellie alone to gather her thoughts.

At 11:30pm, Ellie shook her father awake. "I think it's time for the cake, Daddy."
Everyone had been sitting by the pool after the crawfish boil John had hosted. Heather and Catherine spoke of life in D.C., Tyler recounted his plans for the next school year, and Derek and Craig told stories of their day at Disney World whilst Claire and Maurice looked on. Emily, Karen and Roy simply sat and listened whilst Chris, Joey and Lance recounted stories of the holiday with their families, JC explaining that Justin had already made plans for New Year’s.

Ellie and JC quietly followed John into the house, Lance calling for them to use protection. They sneaked up to their room and changed into the suit he had worn on the 21st and Emily's wedding dress.
Ellie tucked a pink pocket square into his jacket, starting to softly sing: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."
JC kissed her, a tear running down his cheek. "Worth it."
He helped her put on her grandmother Jean's pearls and placed the magnolia her grandmother Rosemary had made for John and Emily's wedding. "Do you know what you're going to say?"
"Maybe. I haven't really written anything down. You?"
"I don't know. I might have something though."

They kissed at the top of the stairs, JC going down before her. He stopped before he went outside, noticing the Mickey and Minnie wedding cake topper Craig and Derek had brought back from Disney.
"Is that what I think it is?" he asked as John carefully placed it onto a glass in the hollow centre of the cake. John shrugged his shoulders.

JC stepped into the backyard, turning on the Christmas lights Derek and Craig had strung up the day before. "Who the fuck bought me a Mickey Mouse cake topper?" he yelled as he walked down to where everyone had congregated by the lake.
"We thought it would be funny, ‘cause you're a Mouseketeer and you're getting married," Craig explained.
"Is this what this is?" Joey pointed around at the lights.
"Yeah, Maurice is going to officiate."
"Why?"
"We wanted someone who was close to the two of us. Maurice is the only person we know who's ordained that we're both close to."
"That's mighty flattering, Josh," Maurice commented.

Ellie slowly walked down the stairs. "Daddy."
"Oh shit," John said as he realised she was in the kitchen. "You look just like your mother did."
"I think she wore her hair out, though," Ellie said, referencing the bun Claire had styled her hair into that afternoon.
"Yeah." John sniffed, chuckling as he started to cry. "I thought I wouldn't cry, ‘cause it's not your real wedding, but I guess I was wrong."
"Daddy." Ellie went over to her father and hugged him.
"Do you really think Josh is the right one?"
"I do, Daddy. I've never met a man so good in my life."
"Except for your mother," he joked, kissing her cheek.

They stepped outside, locking arms as they made their way down to the lake, Chris starting to sing Handel's bridal waltz, the rest of the guests joining in. Ellie walked through the crowd, taking JC's hand as she passed her bouquet to Claire.
Maurice cleared his throat. "We are gathered here today to witness Joshua and Elizabeth declare their love for each other. They have asked you here to celebrate this love and accept them as husband and wife. Tyler, the rings."
JC took the same three rings out of his pocket and handed them to Tyler, Tyler handing them to Maurice. "Here you go."
"Do you, Joshua, take Ellie to be your wife? To love, honour and cherish her as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"Great, wedding ring on first, engagement ring on last." Maurice handed JC Ellie's rings. "Anything you would like to say?"
"Knowing I had to say something, I scoured everything I could to find words that could represent what I want to say to you right now, and frankly I couldn't. I went through every book I own, every lyric I knew, those I've learnt and those I have sung and written, and I still couldn't find any. I couldn't find any that could exactly describe the blue in your eyes or the warmth I feel when we kiss. No words that have been written describe the safety I find in your arms or the yearning I feel in your absence. I could live as long as every star could live and die, but I would never find any word that could perfectly encapsulate what is in my heart for you. I can only hope that you'll one day know and beg that you feel the same."
"I do," Ellie whispered.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Maurice continued, "Ellie, I mean Elizabeth, do you take Joshua to be your husband? To love, honour and cherish for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Maurice passed her JC's wedding band, to which she carefully slipped on JC's finger.
"Anything you would like to say?"
Ellie paused for a moment. "I don't have any. I tried to find them; I tried to write them, but I couldn't. I scoured every source you did, and I found everything you found: nothing. I only wish I could've used that experience to say something as beautiful as you just said. I wish I had some story about when I realised I loved you or some letter I wrote when I was twelve. I wish I had some quote from some author or bible verse that I could roll off to express everything I feel for you. But I can't. I can only say that I love you and that I would move every star to show you that I do, write Joshua in the sky, or something. Then, I'm going to hug you, and kiss you, and I'm never going to be able to let you go."
"Pour vous."
"Pour vous, mon bien-aimé."
"Are you two done?" Maurice asked.
"Yeah." Ellie nodded.
"I guess that's it. In the power invested in me as your editor and the Church of Everlasting Peace and Salvation, I now pronounce you, for real this time, man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
"Wait..." Lance yelled out as he held his watch up. "...13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8," the crowd joined into the countdown, "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!"

Everyone started singing, all except JC and Ellie. They intertwined their fingers, smiling at each other. He took her into his arms. "I must warn you, I'm going to hug you, and kiss you, and I'm never going to be able let you go."
She stood on tiptoe as she kissed him. "But, that's what I want."

Chapter 23 – The Cottage of Excelsior

Monday, January 2nd, 2006.
Ellie sniffed and groaned as the chauffeured car drove through the roads and laneways of the Scottish countryside. She and JC had spent around nine of the last thirty-six hours in flight. Approximately twelve more hours were spent in airports or in their apartment doing last minute laundry or packing. Yet, just as the last few hours of the second day of 2006 drew to a close, they were finally landed and on their way to a bed and a long, well-deserved sleep.
“When was the last time we saw sunlight?” she muttered as she watched the stone walls lining the roads pass by.
“You were either asleep or reading on the plane, so I guess just before we left Orlando.” JC gently combed his fingers through her hair as she leaned against his shoulder.
“Whose idea was it to leave first thing at dawn?”
“The earlier we leave, the earlier we arrive.”

r32;“It’s still late.”
“It’s only 8:30pm. You’ll get used to it.”
“It still feels late.”
“It’s 3:30pm in New York.”
“You didn’t spend all of last night doing laundry.” She groaned as she changed position. “Nor did you get your period on the flight over.”
“I honestly didn’t expect that to happen.”
“Really? ‘Cause I’ve been carrying around tampons and maxi pads around at all times for the past two weeks, just in case. Kind of makes me wish I was pregnant.” A tense silence fell over them. “At least I didn’t ruin Mama’s dress.”

The driver stopped at a large electronic gate, waiting for it to open. He continued on down a passageway in between a large wire fence and stone walls not unlike the ones that lined the roads. He got out of the car and opened a small metal gate, unlocking it before he got back into the car and drove through. He finally stopped in front of a small cottage, an old groundsman’s by the main estate that had been turned into a guesthouse by the new owner: Alexander MacCallum, or Alex for short.

Alex was the son of the late Jack MacCallum, an oil heir who turned his father’s fortune into billions in the personal computer boom of the ‘90s. Alex himself had studied commerce at St. Andrew’s College and moved into A&R, forming his own label after striking platinum with an assortment of R&B/pop acts. His label, Excelsior Records, had become a refuge for musicians who preferred to go against the grain of the mainstream. Alex had recently inherited the 4000-hectare estate after his father had died of bowel cancer.

In his attempts to woo JC over to his label, Alex had offered his guesthouse to the newlyweds. The driver took their luggage out of the trunk and placed it on the front step. “If you need me, I am at your disposal as long as it doesn’t interfere with my duties for Mr. MacCallum. Just press the red button on the phone; that will put you through to staff. Alex will be over to welcome you in the morning with the BMW if you want a private vehicle.”
JC took the keys off of the driver. “Thank you…”
“Shawn.”
“Shawn,” JC repeated him.
“No need for a tip, sir. Have a wonderful night. Congratulations.” Shawn made his way back to the car and drove off.

Ellie took what she could carry and dropped it into the bedroom up the stairs. She groaned as she saw the red rose petals arranged into the shape of a love heart on the four-poster bed. “Fuck me…” She plopped herself right in the middle of the arrangement, a flurry of petals and exhaustion flying around the room.

JC poked around downstairs, finding eggs, bacon, and steak amongst other things already stocked in the fridge. He found the cookbook with a note saying that if they wished, the book was a collection of simple traditional Scottish recipes to try during their stay, the kitchen being fully equipped. He carefully carried the rest of the luggage upstairs and burst into laughter as he found Ellie sprawled across the bed. He delicately climbed on top of her, kissing her neck.
“Eh…” She batted him away. “I’m too tired.”
“There’s steak in the fridge.”
“We ate at the airport.”
“I know. I’m just saying that someone stocked the kitchen with enough food to get us through the night.”
“That’s nice. Can I go to sleep now?”

He carefully turned her over, untying her shoes and taking them off one by one. He undid the fly on her jeans and slipped them off her. He slid her sweater and tank top over her head and threw them onto the floor, unhooking her bra, then offering her his own sweatshirt. He put the sweatshirt on her, pulling it down her outstretched arms. He kissed her before she tucked herself underneath the covers, flinging what she could of the rest of the rose petals onto the floor. She shivered in the bedclothes as she watched him undress, taking out the first pair of comfortable pants he could find from the suitcase and putting them on, joining her in bed. She kissed him before she snuggled into his chest, watching as he picked a rose petal from her hair and blew it across the room. She paused for a moment. “Shit…” She threw the bedclothes of them and rifled through her purse, taking a small bundle into the bathroom.

Around noon on the third, Ellie flipped the steak in a cast iron skillet. JC slowly wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m really hoping you packed the condoms I got for Christmas.”
“Don’t you think it’s funny that the one necessity we would need on our honeymoon, you got a box of them as a gag gift for Christmas?” She giggled as she kissed him.
“I don’t think it was that much of a gag gift.”
“I’m only concerned with how long it’s going to take us to get through all twenty-four of them.”
He turned her around and pressed her against the kitchen cupboards. “Is that a challenge?”

A honking sounded from behind the house. Within seconds, the backdoor of the cottage shook as someone beat their knuckles against its glass. JC had barely opened the door before a lanky redheaded man bounded into the kitchen.
“Giud Mornin’! A see ye got en well. A hope the flight ova weren’t too brutal on ya! Ach, this bonnie lass must be the new misses Sh-zay? Alexander MacCallum, Alex will do. If I had known there were lasses as beautiful as this, A woulda taken her for myself.”
JC introduced the two. “Ellie, Alex. Alex, Ellie.”
Alex offered out his hand, shaking Ellie’s vigorously. “Nice tae meet ye. Whaur abouts en the colonies ar ye fae?”
“Louisiana was never colonised by the British. It was colonised by the French, then sold to the Americans.”
“Well, I never knew that, lassie. New Orleans sure is a nice city, though.”
“Yeah.” She returned to the pan. “Um, I don’t know who I should thank, but thank you for getting us a little bit of food.”
“Nae problem. I better let ye two alane now. Get back to ye dinner. Hae a giud day, bye for noo.” Alex placed the keys to the car he had drove up on the bench and started to hike his way back to the main house.

"Wow, I honestly didn't think people like that existed," Ellie said as she turned off the burner and placed the fillet of steak onto a plate to rest.
"Scotsmen?"
"No, stereotypical eccentric billionaires."
"You live in New York," JC pointed out.
"I don't know. I don't really mingle with 5th Avenue types. You know, the 'I have a fuck load of money so I'm going to refuse to uphold any feign of appropriateness' type."
"Miles."
"Touché." She cut the steak into slices and made sandwiches with the meat, some sautéed onions, and toast.

"I was wondering." He sat down at the tiny kitchen table. "You never told me what your first date was."
"That's because it wasn't anything exciting. Nor is it really something you talk about."
"What was it?"
"You know that patch of trees by the river I keep talking about?"
"Oh God."
"We were supposed to go to a movie, but he wanted to show me his 'special place.' What I didn't know, is by his special place, Miles meant his penis."
"I'm eating." JC struggled to talk through a mouthful. “What would’ve been your dream first date?”
“Probably to some school dance or something. There was this roller rink with an arcade we used to go to every Saturday. You know, the extended version little group I socialised with in middle school. If a boy liked you, he usually asked if he could hang out with you exclusively one week." She picked at her sandwich. "It's weird, ‘cause when I was younger, like twelve, I really thought that I wanted that fairy-tale first date. You know, the boy you like asks you to prom and you and your mama go to the mall and get your first grown-up dress from the ladies section. As I've gotten older, I just kind of wish I was confident enough to have had my first date around the same time my friends did."
"Would you like to do something whilst we're here? Like something more than just the typical touristy stuff?"
"I don't know. We're going to be here awhile, so we might as well. Can we wait a few days though? Until I'm finished...you know..." She awkwardly tore apart a piece of crust.
"I'm eating."

Thursday, January 5th, 2006.
JC lightly tapped on the bathroom door. "Hey." He greeted Ellie as he pushed it open.
"Hi, did you get everything I asked you to?" Ellie sat dwarfed by the giant claw-footed bathtub of the bathroom.
"Um...milk, flour, baker's yeast and instant porridge oats. I tried, but I couldn't find a New York Times more recent than Tuesday's." He leaned over to kiss her.
"It'll do, thanks." She softly held his hand. "Join me. There's enough room for the two of us."
She laid back and watched him undress, biting her lip as he slipped off his jeans and underwear. He carefully nudged her forward as he stepped behind her in the bath, pulling her into his lap as he settled down. She made a contented grunt as he kissed her shoulder.

They sat for a moment, tenderly caressing each other.
"I can't do this. My skin feels like it's on fire." Ellie readjusted herself, turning around and lying against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him. "I want to fuck you, but I don't want you to leave me for one second to go get a rubber."
"We could go without," he suggested as he squeezed her ass.
"I don't think that's a good idea. We just had a pregnancy scare."
"What if I want a baby?"
"What if I don't?"
"What if you do?" He wrapped his arms around her thighs and lifted her up.
"I'm not ready." She kissed his forehead. "It's not that I don't love you, or that I don't want your children. It's just that our lives are going to completely change if we become parents. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility." She patiently waited for him to respond. He never did.

The next day, the two of them strolled along the wall-walk of Edinburgh Castle, bundled up as a fierce wind blew. Ellie peered over the edge, quickly stepping back with unease at the height.
"Careful now." JC gently grabbed her forearm. "It's slippery." He wrapped his arms around her waist as they looked over the city. "I was wondering, did your parents give you any marriage advice?"
"Specifically for us, or in general?"
"I'm not sure."
"My mama told me once that I should marry my best friend. My dad on the other hand advised me a few months back that a healthy marriage is built of three things: a willingness to work through anything, the willingness to compromise, and the absolute priority of making sure the other person is happy and feels loved. Did your parents ever give you any advice?"
"My dad said something about needing to grow up and needing to realise that it's just not me anymore."
She paused for a moment. "He doesn't believe we can make it?"
"Probably not. I don't think he was expecting me to ever get married, at least, not for awhile. It's been some time since I was in serious relationship."

She intertwined her fingers in his. "Would you have married Eva if she loved you back?"
"Probably not. We fought constantly."
"We fight constantly."
"It's not the same," he explained. "You yell when you're upset and you usually won't move on until we've worked through and resolved what's wrong. When Eva and I fought, it was because something was wrong and either it was my fault or I wasn't fixing it fast enough. That, or she wanted to rile me up because our relationship was mainly physical." He rested his chin on her shoulder. "You don't realise how much you hate make-up sex and hate-fucking until you haven't had to do it in awhile."
"Have we ever..?"
"No, I don't hate you. You frustrate me sometimes, but I don't hate you."
"I don't hate you, either."
He lightly kissed her cheek. "That's nice."

Saturday, January 14th, 2006.
JC held the door for Ellie as they entered the arcade.
"Is that seriously a slot machine?" Ellie commented as she removed her jacket. "Why are we even here?"
"We've been to every major tourist attraction: every castle, every gallery, every museum. Maybe it's time to do something a little more casual. Plus, we haven't had a date in a while."
Ellie stopped in thought. "I don't think we've had an actual date since before Thanksgiving. We've had outings, but not any official dates."
"Yeah, we haven't had one since we got married...You could say it's our first date as a married couple."
Ellie smiled. "You planned this, didn't you?"
"Maybe."

Ellie threw the mini basketball at the hoop. "I don't even know why you want to play against me," she commented as the ball bounced off the backboard, missing the hoop entirely. "You always beat me."
"You might win someday." JC swapped the can of Coke he was holding for the ball, dribbling it a few times. "Watch me." He aimed and took his shot, landing a rimshot. "You need to follow through."
"I don't even know what that means."
"You don't just throw it. You need to continue the arc you want the ball to make after you've thrown it. It helps with aim."
"Give me the ball."
He gave her the ball, standing behind her. "Let me help." He guided her as she threw, helping her score a basket. "See?"
"That wasn't me; you did that."
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did. You're a boy; you're taught how to do these things when you were a kid."
"Lots of girls play ball."
"I didn't."
He sighed. "Fine, you can take my last shot then. You had my advantage for yours, now I'll have your disadvantage for mine. It's only fair."
"I'll miss."
"I'm not going to die if I miss one point."
"Fine." She took the ball out of the tray below the hoop. She turned the ball in her hands as she took position, taking a shot. The ball twanged off the rim and fell straight down into the tray. "See? What did I tell you?"
He swiftly took the ball from the tray, throwing it one-handed into the hoop. "There, 2-2, it's a draw. No winner, no loser."
"I don't know why you wanted me to win. It's only a game. I wouldn't have been butt hurt if I lost. You're just better at some things. Let's go home and make out in the bath."

"OK then. One last thing though." He bent down in front of the row of small vending machines. "Ever heard of a 'gashapon?'"
"A what?"
"A gashapon." He slipped a 50 pence coin into the slot of the fourth one along. "It's a Japanese vending machine, for toys and shit."
"Like a quarter machine."
"Is that the word for them?" He turned the dial, waiting for an opaque white ball to drop down.
"I worked in a roadside diner from twelve till twenty-two. You pick things up. What did you get?"
"Nothing really." He slipped the ball into his jacket pocket.
"Come on..." she begged him. "What toy did you get?"
"What's it to you?"
"You make this whole deal about it, and you won't even open it to see what you got."
"Fine then..." He handed her the ball out of his pocket. "You can open it."

She gently squeezed on the ball, snapping it in two. She removed the little pamphlet inside to find a gold necklace. She looked at the pamphlet, going over the collection of Hello Kitty key rings shown. She checked the front of the machine, seeing the same collection of key rings on the leaflet behind the glass. "Is this a dupe?" She slowly took out the necklace, catching the cross pendant made of red stones. "Rubies?"
"Garnets."
"You came here earlier, found a machine with uniform capsules, bought one, swapped the toy for a necklace, hid it in your pocket, bought the second just now, put the second in your pocket, and took out the first with the necklace?"
He nodded.
"Why?"
"I wanted to do something nice. Sometimes I feel like you don't know just how much I appreciate you."
She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I think a problem we have is that we're so in love with each other and so thankful to have each other that we feel like words can't necessarily express our feelings."
He lightly kissed the tip of her nose. "You see, I wouldn't classify that as a problem."

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, filling it with water as he waited for her. "How hot do you want the bath?"
"Tepid, I guess."
"Can you hurry up? I'm going insane from want in here."
She slinked into the doorframe, modelling her black turtleneck and jeans like they were the finest French lingerie. "Hey..." she said in a deep, breathy whisper.
"What are you doing?"
She twirled around. "I'm being sexy."
"You sound like you exist on a pack of cigarettes and two bottles of scotch a day."
"Don't you find that...sexy?" She burst into a fit of giggles.
"Come here." He reached out his hands to her, pulling her towards him to kiss her. "You're sexy just the way you are."
"Would I still be sexy if I took my sweater off?"
"I don't know. Why don't you take it off and see?"

She slowly peeled her turtleneck off, pulling her purple camisole down after she dropped her sweater by her feet. "Am I still as sexy?"
"Not a fraction more."
"Not a fraction less?"
"Not a fraction less," he repeated, slowly running his fingertips underneath her top, following the curves of her back. "I wonder if taking this off will affect it."  He slowly lifted the camisole over her head. She bit her lip as he kissed just under where the cups of her deep lilac bra met. She made a small grunt as he ran his fingers across the skin of her abdomen. She gasped as he teased her nipple through the lace of her bra. She reached behind her and unhooked the clasp, smiling as he watched attentively as she slid the straps off her arms, revealing her gorgeous breasts.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he murmured as she kissed him.
"But am I still as sexy?"
"You're the sexiest woman on this Earth."
"Has it changed from before?"
"Not one iota." He gently kissed her between breasts, running his fingertips along the waistband of her jeans. He undid the button and pulled down the zipper, pulling the waistband down with her panties. He leaned forward to kiss her pubic bone, licking the skin above the tuff of dark pubic hair. He slipped his fingers between her legs, playing with her pussy as he spread her wetness.
She took his hand and lifted his fingers to his lips. "What does it taste like?"
"Like the sweetest dessert wine."
"If we don't hurry up, I don't think we'll even make it into the tub."

She stepped out of her jeans and into the bath. He watched as she sat down. He swirled the water around, watching the ripples dance along her skin, hiding and revealing her pinkest, most private of parts.
"Are you OK?"
"I want to remember you like this. I want to remember how beautiful you look right now. I want to remember how much I'm in love with you and how happy I am." He undressed and joined her, lying between her legs.
"You never realise how lonely you were until..."
"Until what?"
"I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. I don't want to say 'part of a couple' or 'in a relationship,' ‘cause I've done both, and I still felt desperately alone."
"Do you think 'until you find your soulmate' fits?" he suggested.
"Do you want to go that far?"
"I would." He gently kissed her.
They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment. She wiped his hair back. "Make love to me."

He slid his arms around her shoulders, kissing her as he slipped his hand between her legs. He slipped two fingers into her pussy. She gasped as he made tiny circular motions, kissing her neck, chest and breasts.
"Daddy..." she groaned as she gripped the rim of the bath. She pulled him closer to her, kissing him as she dug her fingernails into his back.
"Mummy," he whispered as he licked her neck. He bit her skin and started to suck, taking in as much of her as he could, for as long as he could. He released the flesh, leaving a deep wine-coloured mark. "Damn."
"What's wrong?" she asked in a whimper.
"I've left quite the love bite."
"What?"
"I gave you a hickey."
"That's nice. Rub my clit," she whispered.

He slipped his fingers out of her and got out of the tub, despite her protests.
"Baby, no." She grabbed his hand, trying to stop him leaving her. She pulled him back towards the bath and grasped his penis, running her fingers along his length. She teased the head with her mouth as he leaned forward and pulled the chain on the plug.
"Stand up," he growled in command.

She followed his orders as he lifted her out of the bath and hoisted her over his shoulder. He carefully carried her into the bedroom, placing her across the bed. He lifted her ass and entered her, pleasuring her as he started thrusting.
"This is OK. I can live with this." She gasped, twisting her body as she finally came. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he lay on top of her, grasping her knees to their sides. He thrusted into her as deep as he could, as hard as he could, gasping with each motion.
"Fuck me," she whispered, kissing his ear as he made love to her.
"Tell me you love me."
"I love you." She played with the hair at the base of his neck as he lifted his head to kiss her, heaving as he gave off his last few thrusts.

He let go of her knees and steadied himself. "I don't want to continue in the industry if I'm going to lose you because of it."
"I'm not going to leave you," she whispered, touching his cheek in reassurance.
"But I'm going to leave you, constantly. I'm going to keep leaving you home alone, unless you want to come with me."
"We'll work something out. Nothing's set in stone yet."
"But what if I have to leave you?"
"I'll wait. I'll wait as long as you want me to. I'll stay as long as you want me." She tenderly kissed him. "I love you, remember?"

Sunday, January 15th, 2006.
JC quietly slipped out of bed, sneaking around the room as he dressed. He watched Ellie sleep for a moment, kissing her temple.
"I'm going out for a while."
"Where?" She turned over.
"Just a hike around the grounds. I'll be back in a while."
"Do you want me to come?"
"I won't be that long. Go back to sleep." He tucked the blanket around her shoulders, tracing the curves of her form over the covers.

He locked the back door before he set out, fixing his scarf and woollen hat as he trudged through the winter rain along the trail to the main house. He felt dread in his gut as he tried to make his final decision. He had no idea what he wanted. The rockstar lifestyle wasn't enough for him anymore. He didn't want to completely commit himself to his work any longer, choosing fame and riches along with loneliness. But he couldn't just turn off wanting to create, wanting to perform. He hated the fact that he felt like he had to choose. Either Ellie or music. Either his wife or his career. Not even one month, he thought to himself, stopping to sit on top of the stone wall lining the trail. We've haven't even been married a month and I'm contemplating leaving her. Dad was right.

Tears stung his eyes along with the cold. "God, I don't know if you can hear me, but can you please give me the strength to stick by her? If I start working again, I'm going to have to leave her, and it's going to be incredibly hard to do her right. I want to honour the gift you've given me, but I need her; I'm not quite ready to let her go yet. I know I've asked you this before, and I've gone back on my word, but it’s different this time. I asked you when it was too late, after I had struggled with temptation and committed my sins. I'm asking you this time to guide me, so I won't do that again. Help me better myself, help me change for her..." He trailed off.

He thought about where he was, chuckling when he realised the irony of his position between the cottage and the main house. To his left was his new life, the life he had built with Ellie, the comforts of love, whilst at his right was his old life, his career, at least what remained of it. What if the minor hit “Dear Goodbye” was a fluke? What if there was no more prosperity left for him? He had already been given a lifetime of good fortune with *NSYNC. He had seen the world, performed for millions of fans and earned a comfortable life to last him until his dying day. Why did he need to test fate further? He stood up and continued up to the main house.

"Alex?" JC tapped lightly on the glass of the greenhouse.
"Ach, mornin'. Ya caught me whilst I was tending to my pumpkins."
"Hey."
"How's the missus?"
"She's good. Having a sleep in."
"Nice thing to do on a Sunday." Alex delicately plucked a leaf off of a stem. "What can I do for you?"
"I want to talk about the contract," JC explained.
"Have you come to your decision? Your lawyer and manager think they've gotten it to a place where they're happy with it. Have they gone over it with you?"
"Yeah, it's up to whether or not I want to finalise it, now."
"Do you?" Alex leaned against a table.
"I'm not sure. I've spent a long time out of the business recently. I know eight months doesn't seem that long to some, but I was working non-stop for nearly a decade before."
"I understand."
"My life's also changed a lot in those few months. Some things have come into my life, some people have entered my life that I'm not really willing to lose for professional success."
"I understand."

Alex walked around the table. "JC, do you know why I didn't stop offering after everyone else did?"
"Why?"
"I don't care about the business. You see all this? My grandfather built this house with the fortune he made bringing electricity to Scotland. I could give half of my fortune away and I would still have enough to take care of this house well past my death. I'm not some incubus wanting to drain every pence I can out of you. I've seen the industry, I've seen it ruin families, but I'm willing to fit my business model to keep yours going, ya get me?"

Alex stepped as close as he could to JC. "I know your story. I know how many times you've been fucked over. I can imagine how much damage that's done to your private life. But I want to give you something they never did. I can see how talented you are. I can see that you have all of these ideas that no one in mainstream pop would be willing to go near. You would either have to be a genius or a madman to release some of your music. I want to be that madman. I want to show the world what you're truly capable of. I want you to say, 'Fuck it, my music deserves to be out there like everyone else's.'"

They stood in silence. "I'm not another Justin Timberlake," JC pointed out.
"I don't fucking care. If I wanted another Justin Timberlake, or a watered down Michael Jackson clone to be correct, I could find thousands of them if I wanted. I don't want that; I want you." Alex patted JC on the back. "I understand if you don't want to be locked down into a contract, but if you want a guy that will release your record, just come get me, ok?"
"OK."

Chapter 24 - Moonlight and Magnolias.

Friday, February 10th, 2006.
"OK, say aah."
"Ahh..." Ellie said as her doctor, a short man with white hair by the name of Richards, placed the tongue depressor in her mouth and shined a small flashlight to see the back of her throat.
"I'm going to have to take a throat culture, but I'm pretty sure it's strep throat." Dr. Richards lightly massaged her jaw. "I'll prescribe you a course of antibiotics, then call you when we get the results in from pathology." He went over to the cabinet above the sink in his office, taking out a sterile pack encasing a large cotton swab. He made a tray up of rubber gloves, a fresh tongue depressor and the swab and placed them beside her. He washed his hands and put the gloves on, ripping apart the package. "Open up." He tilted her head back, turned on the light above her, pressed down her tongue and wiped the swab on the back of her throat. He placed the swab into a test tube and sealed it into a snap lock bag.

"Was it a nice wedding?" he asked as he wrote her name on the bag.
"Just a little thing. We had the ceremony here in New York, and the reception down in Florida. Surname is now Chasez," she corrected him, "C-H-A-S-E-Z."
"Spanish?"
"French. Louisiana Cajun surprisingly. At least we think."
"Didn't think you had to come all the way up here to find yourself a nice Cajun boy, did you?" Dr. Richards joked. He slid the bag over the counter. "Please check if the information is correct."
"Everything's correct." Ellie awkwardly rubbed her arm.
"Great." He scrawled out a prescription, ripping it off of the pad and handing it to her. "Take one with water every six hours on an empty stomach, either one hour before food or two hours after. Even if the symptoms stop, do not stop the antibiotics until you have completed the full course I have prescribed you. I would advise that you use a second method of contraception during the next few weeks as penicillin has been known to interfere with the effectiveness of the pill."
"We normally use condoms, anyway."
"How often do you use them, every time?"
Ellie paused. "...yes."
He sighed. "Make another appointment with Susan in another few weeks." He got up and opened the door to his office. "If you need anything else, just call. Please try to take care of yourself. I would use the weekend as an opportunity to rest, get your immune system up. Have a good day."
"You, too. Thanks."

Ellie walked up to the back door of the nondescript building in Spanish Harlem. She pressed the buzzer by the door in four short bursts, then waited for the door to open. "Hey.
"Hey." Emerson greeted her, motioning down the hall, "last door on the left."
"Thanks." She made her way down the hall, waiting for Emerson to lock the large steel door again. She tapped lightly on the window looking into the studio, waving as she caught JC's eye.
"Hey." He kissed her as he opened the heavy door to the studio.
"Hi."
"I didn't think you'd come in today."
"My appointment wasn't that long, thought I might as well stop by since I don't need to be in the office for a while."

He took her hand and sat down in front of the mixing board, sitting her on his lap. "So, what's going on?"
"He thinks it's strep throat. He just put me on a course of antibiotics and told me to rest."
"Have you eaten?"
"I don't really feel like eating, frankly."
He gently rubbed her back. "I wish you would take the day off. I would prefer it if you were home in bed instead of trekking around the city."
"I'll live." She kissed his temple, rising out of the seat. "I better get going."
"That's a pity, considering I'm sitting here all alone until everyone comes back from lunch."

JC walked with her to the back door. "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"
"Nah, it'll just irritate my throat further."
"I'll take you home, tuck you in with a bowl of oatmeal."
"I need to get back to work."
He gently kissed her forehead. "Are you sure?"
"I'll be home by six. That's only five hours away."
"But I don't know when I'm going to be home."
"What do you mean?"
"Justin's in town. He might swing by later to work on something."
Ellie made a disgruntled sigh. "Oh, I see." She adjusted her clothes for the cold weather outside.
"What?"
"It doesn't matter." She started out the door, turning back only to shake her arm free after he had grabbed it.
"Baby..." he called after her, her only response being a brief middle finger as she walked around to 136th Street.

Early the next morning, JC crept into the apartment's front door. He quietly placed his bag on the couch and tried to not trip over Linus as he made his way up the stairs. He carefully pushed on the bedroom door, cringing as it creaked open.
"Shit!" he cursed as he ran into the railing on the foot of the bed, quickly covering his eyes as Ellie turned her lamp on.
"Where the fuck have you been?" she asked in a rasp.
"I got caught up in something." He sat on the edge of the bed as he undressed.
"What? It's 2am."
"I said I got caught up!" He slipped into the bed beside her, leaning over her to turn the lamp off.
"Is that weed? Have you been smoking weed?" She snapped the light back on.
"No!"
"Then why do you fucking smell like it?"
"How the fuck do you know what weed even smells like?!"
"Because I'm not a fucking child! Where the fuck have you been that you're fucking drunk, possibly stoned, and you smell like a Grateful Dead concert?"
"I WAS AT THE FUCKING CLUB, OK!" He threw the bedclothes off him and stood up. "JUSTIN WANTED TO GO OUT AFTER THE SESSION, OK? TO COOL DOWN, YOU KNOW!"
"WHY ARE YOU FUCKING YELLING AT ME?"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING YELLING AT ME!"
She thrust her finger at the door. "DOWNSTAIRS, NOW! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN THIS BED TONIGHT IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE A PIECE OF SHIT!"
"NO! YOU CAN'T THROW ME OUT OF MY OWN BED!" He slammed his hand on the foot of the bed.
"THIS IS MY BED! I PAID FOR IT! RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE ONLY A FUCKING GUEST IN IT!"
"THIS IS OUR BED! IT BECAME OUR BED WHEN YOU MARRIED ME!"
"GET THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS!"
"Fine!" He ripped the quilt of the bed, bundling it up before he stormed out of the room.
"FINE!" Ellie snapped the lamp off, flopping back into bed and violently throwing the covers over her head. "JERK!"
"ASSHOLE!"

Saturday, February 11th, 2006.
Ellie struggled to swallow before she tiptoed down the stairs.
"You look like shit," JC commented from his place on the couch.
Ellie stuck her middle finger up at him as she made a tight-lipped snarl. She walked over to one of the kitchen cabinets, taking a spiral notebook out of a drawer with a thick, black marker. She turned the notebook on its side and flipped it open, removing the marker cap with her teeth as she scrawled out a response. "I feel like shit." She turned the notebook over, showing him her message.
"I can't read without my glasses," he said in a pointed tone.
She huffed before she slammed the notebook down, picking up and digging through his bag by the couch for a small red case. She threw the case at him, writing a few more pages as he slipped his glasses on.
He read her notes out loud. "I feel like shit." He continued as she flipped the page. "I've lost my voice...All the yelling last night...Why didn't you call me to tell me you were going...out?...Did you get stoned, or was it...someone you were hanging out with?...Justin?"
He answered her, "Do you want me to tell you the truth?"
She scrawled out an answer. "Yes."

He sat up. "Justin thought it was a good idea to go out, since I didn't have a bachelor party."
She scratched out an interjection. "Bullshit."
"I know, but you know how guys are, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't."
She pointed at her "bullshit" scribble.
"I just wanted a night out...Justin said some shit that if you really loved me, you would get over it."
She tapped violently on the page that bore the word "bullshit," flipping it over to scrawl out: "Justin's a stupid cunt."
"I know." He sighed. "I just wanted to have some fun, be a shitbag, you know."
She scribbled out: "Did you meet anyone?"
"I don't know what you mean."
She drew and showed him a picture of two stick figures having sex.
"No, I danced with a few girls-"
She showed him what was obviously a female stick figure performing oral sex on a male stick figure sitting on a chair.
He smiled. "Well, we know someone who can illustrate an edition of the Kama Sutra."
She stuck her finger up at him before she wrote another note. "Answer my question."
"No, I didn't want to. Are you going to ask me this every time I go out?"
She flipped back to her "yes" page. She flipped back to a blank page, writing out: "So I can learn when you're telling the truth."
"I would never do that."
She shrugged, mouthing the word, "Miles."
He got up and took her into his arms. "Baby..."
She turned up to look at him, trying to speak but only managing to get out a raspy "I..."
"Shhh. You need to rest your voice." He lightly kissed her. "It's OK. I didn't do anything. I only want you, now."

Sunday, February 12th, 2006.
Around noon, Ellie tapped JC on the shoulder. Once she had his attention, she stuck her right pinkie out her fist, twisting her wrist until her pinkie was underneath her fist, signing the letter "J."
"Are you OK?" He sat up off the bed.
She flipped through her notebook, showing him a page with the word "hungry?" written on it.
He shook his head. "No, are you?"
She flipped to her well-used "yes" page, then to a page with "soup" written on it.
"OK"-he kissed her forehead-"give me a bit."

After a few minutes, he emerged from downstairs holding a large blue mug. He carefully passed it to her. "Did I get the pepper right?"
She took a small spoonful of the chicken and vegetable soup. She nodded and gave a thumbs up.  After he had settled back under the covers, she flipped through her notebook to a blank page. She scribbled out: "Tell me a story," holding it up for him.

"Well, let me see..." He wrapped his arm around her as she snuggled into him. "Once there was a king by the name of John, and he had five sons: Christopher, Joseph, James, Joshua, and Justin, and they all served him as his royal guard. At first, all five of them were equal, but after a while, King John started to play favourites with his youngest son. Prince Justin was not happy being equal to the others; he wanted to lead them as second in command. Though Prince Justin was not as able, King John foolishly made Prince Justin head of the royal guard.
"Well, after awhile, Prince Justin went up to King John and said, 'Father, if you do not free me from my post and make me your only heir, I will desert this kingdom and find one that appreciates my talent as a knight and small penis.' King John, who foolishly believed that Prince Justin was better than all the others, banished the other four from his kingdom to wander the countryside."
After many years of loneliness, the second son, Joshua, had travelled across many lands, and knew many heartaches. He came across a secret garden, growing the finest roses in all the land. The garden did not belong to a king or queen. Instead, it belonged to a old knight and his lady who now supplied the various kingdoms with horses.
"Completely taken in by the smell, he scaled the wall and found their daughter, a fine, educated, young maiden by the name of Elizabeth. There she was tending to the roses. Once he saw her, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Unfortunately, she was once promised to a dastardly character who had broken her heart, thus taking a vow of celibacy.
"But the second son had now fallen in love with her and insisted that he could make her fall in love with him. So, he went off to find a wine as fine as her. Once he did, he scaled the walls of the garden again and waited for her to appear. When she did, he offered her the wine, but it did not win her heart. But, as she was insane with thirst, she continued to drink it, until she was completely shit-faced. She then offered him her body and proposed that they make love underneath the moon, the night before the red roses came into bloom."
"Little did they know, that if you make love underneath the moon on the night before the red roses bloom, a spell will be cast, and you will fall in love. So they fell in love."

She held up her notebook. "Then what happened?"
"Well, three seasons went by, and as the first snowflake fell over the kingdoms, they ran away to marry, and they lived happily ever after."
She flipped through her notebook. "I love you."
"I love you, too."

Somewhere between the thirteenth and the fourteenth of February.
Ellie delicately held the lace of her gown in her hands as she strolled through the garden as the full moon shone overhead. She enjoyed the smell and the feel of the soft petals of the roses as she passed them by. She was shaken as she saw a figure by the red roses. She spied a gentleman bathing in the fountain by the garden wall, his hands washing water down his thick, black hair. She felt a yearning in her, a pull in her waist as she watched his hands glide along his wet skin, his milky white ass breaking the reflection of the moon skirting across the water. He turned to her. She gasped as she saw JC's face, his blue eyes twinkling with the moonlight, his chest hair slicked down. He slowly emerged from the fountain, stepping out onto the grass as his manhood delicately dripped water onto the stone surrounding the pool.
"Fuck me," she growled, in a pointed tone. He took exactly six broad steps, grabbing her face as he passionately kissed her. She looked down and took his hardened member into her hands, running her hands along the bulging head and shaft. She tightened her legs as she felt her wetness come across her lips. He slipped a finger down her bodice, untying the strings of her corset. He pulled away the white ribbon and ripped open her dress, baring her heaving bosom. Layers upon layers of silk and lace fell to her feet. She slowly stepped out of the dress and pushed him to the ground. She straddled him as he kissed every millimetre of her neck and breasts, softly biting her nipples. She guided him into her and started grinding into his lap, grasping his shoulders as she fucked him.

Ellie awoke suddenly. She gasped as realised she was not in the rose garden, but lying on the couch in her apartment. She turned onto her back and stared at the light the full moon was projecting onto the ceiling. She squeezed her thighs, feeling her wet pussy. She pushed Linus off the couch and went upstairs.
She opened the bedroom door to see JC's back facing her as he slept. She gently crawled onto top of him and kissed his cheek, turning his head to kiss his lips.
"Baby..." he murmured as she continued to kiss him. "What's wrong?"
She slipped her hand into his sweatpants, running her fingers along his length.
"Ellie!" He pulled her hand away from him, holding both of her wrists. "What the fuck is up with you?"
She swallowed, finally whispering, "I need you."

She lifted her sweatshirt above her head, leaving herself in only a pair of panties. She kneeled and slid her panties down her thighs, grabbing the top bar on the head of the bed as she started to pleasure herself. She gasped as her fingers ran along the sweet petals of skin.

He watched as the moonlight glistened across her form, as she lifted her body with every stroke. He slipped his fingers beneath his waistband, feeling his cock as it engorged at the sight of Ellie silently crying out in pleasure. He kicked off his pants and kissed her waist, rising up to his knees. He grabbed her and pulled her legs until she was lying beside him. He slipped her panties over her feet then lay on top of her, his thighs lying either side of her. He kissed her as he slipped into her. He laid her head on his arm. She gasped as she felt his cock caress her clit, grabbing his hand as he went to touch her.
"This works for me. You're doing it at the right angle," she whispered.
"I'm not in deep enough to hit your G-spot."
"Your cock is brushing along my clit. Keep going the way you're going; you're going to make me come."

He intertwined his fingers with hers as he continued, deeply kissing her. Her chest heaved in sync with his movements: gasping as he withdrew, inhaling as he pushed down into her. She sharply inhaled as she started to climax. "Go a little faster," she encouraged him.
He increased his speed, biting his lip as he grinded into her. "Are you coming yet?"
She nodded. "Yeah, just keep this going."
"I don't know how long I can."
"Is it working for you?"
"I'm not sure."
She giggled. "Now you know how I feel when I'm on top. Do you want to try another position?"
He tried to pull himself up, attempting to continue. "I'm not in deep enough. I feel like I'm fucking your legs."

He withdrew and motioned for her to turn over. She pulled a pillow underneath her arms as he reentered her. He pulled her ass further towards him.
She guided his hand beneath her. "Rub my clit hard and fast," she requested, playing with her nipple as he pounded into her. They simultaneously gasped as they both came, both collapsing as she tightened around him as he pumped his seed into her.
"Has that ever happened before?" she asked as he kissed her.
"A few times." He gently ran his fingers along her side.
"Is it still the thirteenth?"
He peered up at the clock. "8 past 12. Happy Valentine's."
She smiled as he kissed her. "Happy Anniversary and Valentine's."
"I thought I would have to wait ten months to hear you say that."
"How has it only been a year? We've done so much in shit in only twelve months."
"We've also done some of the best things we'll ever do, Mrs. Elizabeth Chasez."
"Mr. Joshua Chasez."

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006.
Ellie tiptoed down the stairs in an oversized sweatshirt and yoga pants. She found JC cooking breakfast in a long sleeve shirt and jeans.

She wrapped her arms around his waist as he waited for the kettle to boil. "I had the most amazing dream about you last night."

"I see that you're talking again."

"I'm feeling a little more up to it now, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

She moved around the kitchen, pulling out some paper and a jar full of crayons in various stages of use. She sat down at the counter and folded a piece of paper into half, then half again.

"What are you doing?"

"It's still Valentine's, right? I'm making you a valentine."

"You don't need to do that." He poured the boiling water into a mug with a tea bag. "Do you want coffee or tea?"

"Tea with a little bit of honey, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Anything else? What do you want for breakfast?"

"Just some oatmeal, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure that's all you want?"

She looked up at him from the red heart she was colouring in. "Are you doing the romantic breakfast thing?"

"If you don't mind."

"Oatmeal will be fine."

"OK." He stirred her tea and placed it beside her at the counter.

She quickly covered up what she was doing. "No peeking."

"I already know what it is." He measured one cup of quick oats and two cups of water and stirred them into a microwave bowl with a pinch of salt. He placed the bowl into the microwave for two minutes.

"No, you don't."

"I think I do. Do you want the paper?"

"Suit yourself."

He placed the Times next to her. "It seems rather thick for a Tuesday," he commented as he took the oatmeal out of the microwave and divided it up into bowls. "Honey?"

"Sure," she answered him as she finished the valentine.

She smiled as she saw the heart he had drawn in honey on the surface of her oatmeal. "Aww." She leaned over and kissed him as he sat next to her. "Is there anything special you want to do tonight? A warning, though, you'd be lucky getting a reservation if you want to go out."

"I'd be OK just staying at home."

"When do you think you'll be home tonight?" She took a sip of tea.

"I don't know. That's all dependant on Justin and Tim."

"Do you think they would be willing to let you leave early? You were out most of yesterday; we pretty much missed our first anniversary."

"You're the one who fell asleep on the couch."

"Only because I was waiting up for you. You're the dickhead who left me there and went upstairs to bed without waking me up."

"I don't know...Sometimes, you don't feel like-"

She cut him off. "Don't feel like what?"

"I'm under a lot of stress right now."

"Why do you keep referring to me like I'm a burden?"

"Last year, I didn't have a lot going on, career-wise. So I had a lot more time to dedicate to us, to you. Now, since I'm cutting a record, I don't have that much time now."

"Can you make time?" She watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Why are you trying to push me away?"

"I'm not trying to push you away."

"You keep holding me at arm's length and warning me something is going to go wrong. What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything," he said curtly.

"I think you are."

He stood up and started to gather his things. "I need to be at the studio soon."

"If you keep avoiding it, you're only going to make it worse."

"You have no fucking idea what's happening right now!" he snapped.

"I know that you're being really shitty right now!"

He walked over to the counter, flipping open the paper to reveal an envelope. "Happy fucking Valentine's." He grabbed his keys and stormed out of the apartment.

Ellie huffed as she checked her watch. "22:42," she muttered to herself. She propped her feet up on the coffee table as she continued to watch the nature documentary depicting the conception process of some animal. Her stomach turned as the CGI sperm made their way to the computer animated egg. She flinched as they showed them burrowing through the jelly-like substance around the egg. "Ew..."

She turned her head as the door opened. JC removed his hat and scarf as he entered the living area.
"Hey." He removed his coat.
"Yeah..." She turned back to the TV.
"Are you OK? Are you feeling better?"
"I guess," she muttered.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She turned up the volume on the TV.
He pursed his lips. "Did you like the flowers? I know that magnolias are out of season right now, but I thought it would be nice to get them for you. Are you OK with that?"

She sighed. "It's our first Valentine's together, and you spend most of it with Justin."
JC tried to explain the situation. "Justin isn't in town long. I've already wasted most of it-"
She cut him off. "WHAT? YOU WASTED MOST OF IT WHAT?" She turned the TV off and got off the couch. "If I was you, I would fucking step lightly right now," she hissed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
"Why are you yelling?"
"MAYBE BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPEND TONIGHT WITH YOU!"
"WE'VE ALREADY FUCKED TODAY-"
She cut him off again. "THIS ISN'T ABOUT FUCKING!" She stormed over to the kitchen counter and flung the bouquet of roses and magnolias onto the floor. "THIS ISN'T ABOUT DEFROSTED FUCKING MAGNOLIAS. THIS IS ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND, MY FUCKING HUSBAND WOULD PREFER TO SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH SOMEONE WHO TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT THAN WITH HIS WIFE!"
"I'VE WORKED WITH JUSTIN-"
"I'M SORRY. IS JUSTIN THE ONE WHO HAS TO SUCK YOUR COCK? IS JUSTIN THE ONE WHO CLEANS YOUR FUCKING TOILETS? IS JUSTIN THE ONE WHO MAKES SURE YOUR CLOTHES ARE CLEAN AND YOU'RE WELL FED? NO! HE'S JUST A FORMER CO-WORKER WHO MIGHT PRODUCE A HIT FOR YOU!"
JC grinded his teeth. "If we want to meet the fourth quarter release window, we need to start working on things now."
"That's nice. Maybe our fucking divorce will be finalised by then so the two of you can run off together." She stormed upstairs.

JC creaked the door ajar. "I'm sorry. I knew this was going to happen. I was sitting there all night knowing you were slowly getting angrier with me. I know this isn't a good explanation, but with guys, no one really expects you to care about your personal relationships, or at least they think that your work is always going to be more important." He sat on the edge of the bed, behind her as she stared out the window. "I always used to put *NSYNC before everything else. Justin thinks that it's the same now, that my need for a hit is going to come before you."
"Why can't you just tell him that this is more important?" she asked.
He sighed. "Because I'm a piece of shit. I don't know. I think I love you as much as I possibly can, but then I do shitty things like this, and I..." He wiped his hands through his hair. "I don't deserve you."
She sat up. "Baby..."
"You don't understand."
"Tell me. I want to."
"It's not easy to do this. I'm going to be away a lot."
"I know-"
"NO, YOU DON'T!" He collapsed onto the floor. "It's not just going to be a week here and there. It's going to sometimes be months at a time."
"I know."
"No-"
"No, I fucking do! I've read God knows how many biographies of quote, unquote 'rock widows.' It's not the most revolutionary concept that you're going to have to tour."
"Well, what do we do then?"
She rose up to her knees. "We work through it. If we're OK with something, we're OK with it. If we're not OK with something, we fix it. We'll work through."
"What if we can't?"
"I don't know. We try to work around it, or we start making sacrifices. Come here." She slid to the edge of the bed, waiting for him to scoot over to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "We're young, we're stupid and we're in love. There is no force on this Earth stronger than we are." She kissed him. "We can do this. We just never stop fighting for us. We come first now; Joshua and Elizabeth Chasez come first. Everyone else, including JC, comes second."

Chapter 25 - The Start of a Grand Adventure (A.K.A.: So You've Ruined Your Life)

Friday, March 3rd, 2006.
Ellie straightened her black turtleneck and black and grey plaid skirt as she stepped out of JC's Mercedes. She locked the car and walked from the garage of their L.A. home up to the bedroom. She flopped down onto the bed next to JC. "Hey."
"Hey." He stretched as he faded back in from his afternoon nap. "What time is it?"
"Just before four."
"Do you want to do go on a date or something?"
"Are you asking me out?"
"Yeah. Do you want to go up and see the sunset at the observatory?"
Ellie crinkled her nose in confusion. "That's strangely specific. We usually spend more time figuring out what we're going to do on our dates than we do actually on them."
"Ha, ha. You're the funniest person ever," JC said with sarcasm. "I thought that maybe we could have a do-over of Valentine’s or something. You haven't even opened what I got you yet."
She sat up. "What did you get me?"

He stood up and rummaged through a satchel bag, taking out an envelope and the valentine Ellie had made for him.
"Oh, you brought them with you."
He passed the envelope to her. "Don't get offended, but I put a lot of thought into this one. I want you to at least see it before you completely reject it."
She got off the bed and took her wallet out of her handbag. "Well, since we're doing this..." She trailed off as she unzipped her wallet and took something out of the secret compartment hidden in the note pocket. She handed him a quarter. “You know how I check my change after every transaction? Last Valentine’s, I bought a cup of coffee at the airport before I flew out of L.A. The barista gave me a Bicentennial quarter in my change. I’m not one hundred percent sure why I ended up keeping it, but I decided to give it to you if we made it to Valentine’s this year, ‘cause it was minted the year you were born. What do you think are the chances that it was minted on your birthday?”
“At least one in a million.” He turned over the coin in his hand, tracing the edge of it and the imprint of the colonial drummer pressed into the face.
“Do you want your valentine now?” She handed over the card she had made, a blood red heart drawn on the front with crayon.
“Thanks.” He opened it and read out the message inside. “‘Josh: Roses are red, violets are blue, honey is sweet, but not as sweet as you. Love, Ellie.’ Um, thanks.” He smiled.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do anything better. I was going to surprise you later that night, but you know…” She trailed off.
“Nah, it’s fine. Watching you masturbate was good enough.” He chuckled.
“Wait…do you remember if we used protection that morning?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“We were supposed to, ‘cause penicillin affects the effectiveness of the pill.”
“Why does it matter?”
“I’m late again. I was due on Monday. If the 14th was thirteen days before my period, it means that we had sex on the day after I was due to ovulate,” she explained. “I don't think you quite get this. There’s a very likely chance this time that I actually am pregnant.”
He flopped down on the the bed. “Holy fucking shit.”
“What do we do? We could get a test from the gas station up the road.”
“No…someone might see you.”
“No one’s going to care if I buy a pregnancy test.”
“We’re in L.A. Paparazzi are everywhere. If someone sees you…” He turned over. “They know you’re connected to me. If they see you buying a test, boom, tomorrow morning: ‘It’s Gonna Be A Baby,’ or some lame pun for a headline like that.”
“That could happen anywhere. I’m not waiting four days to see if I’m pregnant.”
He sighed. “Fine.” He sat up just as she got off the bed. “Don’t forget your…” He was cut off as she made her way back downstairs.

Ellie thumbed through the banknotes in her wallet, collecting together a five dollar note and two dollar notes. She folded the cash in her palm and got out of the car.
“I’m going to take a test,” she told JC as he put gas into the tank.
“OK,” he responded.
“OK.” She walked into the store of the gas station and made her way to the personal hygiene section. She took in a deep breath and sharply exhaled before she quickly took a box off the shelf. She walked over to check out and requested the key to the toilet. The clerk rummaged under the counter before he presented a key attached to a soup ladle. Ellie groaned as he swiped the package.
“$5.99 please,” he requested, waiting for Ellie to hand over six dollars. He pressed a few buttons on the till and handed over a lone penny. “Thank you.”

Ellie slipped into the passenger seat, shoving the box into the glovebox.
“What’s wrong?” JC asked as he turned the ignition on.
“I don’t want to find out in a gas station bathroom.”
“Do you want to go home?”
“I can wait a few days. Maybe I’m just late again. I just…” She made a dismayed sigh. “I’m sorry I ruined your date night.”
“Do you want—“
“I don’t know, OK!” she yelled.
“Don’t snap at me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! You’re not the one who might have to push a human out of her…you know.”
“Vagina?” he corrected her.
“Well, yeah.” She slinked down into her seat as he drove into the garage.

He put the car into park and put on the hand brake. “Is termination an option?”
“What?”
“Do you want this baby? If it is a baby.”
She put her head into her hands. “I…I don’t know.”
“It’s either a yes or a no, Ellie.”
“I don’t fucking know! I’m not even sure I want to find out right now, let alone if I want to kill it and have it sucked out of me.” She leaned back into her seat. “I feel sick.”
“In what way?”
“In a ball of nervous energy way. Do you want this baby?”
“I love how we’re not even sure if we’re having a kid, but we’re already talking like we are.”
“I’m not going to have it if you don’t want it.”
“Do you want it?”
“I don’t want to pressure you into having a baby—“
“I want it…At least I think I do.” He held her hand.
“OK…let’s go find out if we’re having a baby.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he kissed her.

“It’s negative,” she mumbled as she threw the used test into the bin.
“OK,” he said before he returned to nervously biting his nails.
“There’s something wrong with me. I’ve been late three times in the last year, and I’ve taken three negative pregnancy tests.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.” He sat next to her on the rim of the bath. “What do we do now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe we’re just not ready yet.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know.” She stood up and walked into the bedroom.

Sunday, March 5th, 2006.
JC finished tying his bowtie as Ellie stepped out of the closet wearing a tight-fitting, floor-length, white strapless gown with a ivory lace overlay.
“You went with the white one.”
“Yeah,” she responded as she put a pair of pearl earrings in. “I still haven't gotten my period, so, knowing my luck, wearing a fourteen thousand dollar white gown might coax it out.” She put on the pearls her father gave her, then fluffed up her hair, brushing the soft waves behind her shoulders. “Anyway, I want a formal portrait of us.”
“Why can’t we just get one done?”
“But this way is free.”
“For you…”
She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry. “Says you.” She started to collect together her things.
“Hold up,” he called out to stop her, handing over the now tattered but still unopened envelope.
“I already know what it is.”
“No, you don’t.”
“You’ve had it stashed in your sock drawer since the eleventh of last month. I saw you slip it in there when you got home from picking up the groceries. It’s a pearl bracelet.”
“Ah, you think it’s a pearl bracelet.”
She pursed her lips, opening the envelope. She took out a dark blue pouch and opened it. “I said that I knew it was a pearl bracelet,” she said as she ran the bracelet over her fingertips.
He pointed back down at the envelope. “Look at the card.”

She huffed, pulling out the postcard from the envelope. She read out the message scribed into the back in black ink. “As soon as I saw you, I knew a grand adventure was going to happen.”
“It’s a quote from Winnie the Pooh, so?”
“What was your favourite book as a child?”
“Winnie the Pooh.” She sighed. “We’re going to be late.”
He took the bracelet off her and put it on her right wrist. “I know you’re pissy right now, but I do mean that. I may not have known it at the time, but I knew you were something special.” He kissed her forehead. “Look at the other side.”

She turned the card over, chuckling at the photo of her and JC in bed together.
“It’s first photo I took of us, from March last year. I found a way to convert digital files onto film, then I asked Craig to help me develop it onto a postcard backing. I got you the bracelet to throw you off the scent.”
“You know, you could’ve just printed out a photo with a printer.”
“I wanted to do it this way. Anyone can get you diamonds or magnolias, but only I would go to the trouble to do something this needlessly complicated.”

She stepped away from him as he kissed her forehead again. "We're such assholes."
"Baby..."
"No, we are. We obviously love each other a lot still, but we keep trying to hurt each other." She sat down at the foot of the bed. "Maybe marriage isn't for us."
He sat down next to her. "What are you saying?"
"I want to go back to New York alone. You can keep the apartment and I'll start looking for a place to rent."
"I'm not divorcing you."
"Then why wait until everything fucks up?"

He grabbed her and deeply kissed her, holding her as tight as he could. "Because you're the reason I feel alive right now. I've never hated someone or felt so incredibly frustrated by anyone but you. I've also never found someone so completely adorable, nor have I been so deeply in love whilst being excruciatingly constantly turned on. I would rather ride this out and see it crash into flames than not even turn the car on."
"We're going to ruin each other."
"We've already done that."
She struggled away from him. "It's not supposed to be that way."
"Nothing's supposed to be easy all the time. No one's happy all the time."
"If you're not happy, then just leave."
"No, I'm happy." He grabbed her arm.
She shook his hand away. "Don't touch me. Let me go."
"I'm not leaving you." He stood up and walked over to her. "I would rather die than leave you."
"Don't pull that bullshit."
"It's not bullshit. I mean it." He grabbed her before she could walk away. "What's wrong? What do I need to change?" He turned her head so she was looking into his eyes. "Ellie, tell me how I can fix it. What's wrong?"
She stared up at him, waiting for him to start crying. "I don't fit into your life."
"I'll make you fit. I'll fit it around you."

She stepped away from him. "I'll give you tonight. One last night where you can be happy. If I don't feel like staying in the morning, I'm leaving." She collected her purse. "Just so you know, I will call the police if you make it difficult for me." She quietly slipped through the door.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" He flung a pillow across the room. He collapsed when he saw the photo on the bed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking shit."

Ellie and JC spent most of the Oscars viewing party curled up together on a couch in a corner. Despite her threat, they silently but tenderly held each other, exchanging small caresses and kisses of affection.
After a few hours, he softly whispered into her ear, "Can I please have one last dance?"
"OK," she agreed as he pulled them both up, leading her to the dance floor.

They rocked back and forth to the slow Billie Holiday ballad. "’Stormy Weather,’ fitting," she commented as she held herself close to him.
"You know, the song's about how lonely she was without her lover," he whispered.
"I know." She lifted her head and rested it on his shoulder. "Eva's here."
"Just ignore her."
"I can't when she's giving me the most snot-nosed fucking stare right now." She stepped away from him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.
"Everyone's—"
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! ONE MINUTE YOU'RE FINE, NEXT MINUTE YOU PUSH ME AWAY, THEN YOU PULL ME BACK—"
"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, OK? MAYBE I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. YELLING AT ME IN PUBLIC ISN'T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING!" She started to walk away.
"Ellie..."
"NO!" She held her finger in front of him. "I'm not doing this right now." She turned to walk outside.

Ellie shivered in the cold as she held the glass holding a lashing of bourbon on ice. She sat on the edge of the hotel's wall overlooking the city. She flinched as she took a sip, groaning as the fire hot liquor flowed down her throat.
"Trouble in paradise, huh?" Eva slunk up to her in a gown as red as the flames of hell themselves.
"Fuck off."
"Wearing white, I see? Like the pretty Southern bride that you are? We get it, you're fucking married. You got the man. You don't need to fucking flaunt it all over the place."
Ellie cradled her drink like she cradled her fantasies of pushing Eva over the wall down to the canyon below. "I'm really not in the mood to deal with your drunken bullshit right now."
"Do you know why he's even with you? Because you're a safe little good girl. He can't handle a woman like me. You have no idea how much ecstasy I used to bring him."
"We get it, Eva," Justin interrupted her. "You're the sexiest, most amazing lover in the world and JC's a fool for choosing Ellie over you. Just leave her alone."
"This doesn't concern you," Eva hissed at him.
"And it concerns you? I'm not standing by and letting you humiliate my best friend's wife because you can't get over the fact that he rejected you. Go away and find some lizard eggs to feast on or something."
"She doesn't even like you."
"Nobody fucking cares, Eva. Fuck off!" Justin sat next to Ellie on the wall. She grabbed his hand and dug into it as they watched Eva attempt to walk away with drunken dignity, stumbling as she passed JC at his vantage point by the door.
Ellie burst into tears, diving into Justin's chest. "I'm so sorry, I fucked up."
Justin carefully held her. "It's OK," he whispered as he rubbed her back to comfort her.
"I better get her home." JC slid his head underneath Ellie's arm, lifting her up to carry her out of the hotel.

He held her in silence as she cried the way home. He carried her upstairs and undressed her, exchanging the gown for a oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. He carefully removed her jewellery before he placed it on the dresser. He retrieved some makeup wipes from the bathroom and carefully removed the mask of foundation, rouge and lipstick from her face, patting her mascara away with her tears. He threw off the bedclothes and slowly lifted her into bed, tucking her in before he lay down behind her, holding her as she cried herself to sleep before he kissed her good night.
"One last kiss."

Monday, March 6th, 2006.
Ellie awoke suddenly with the urge to vomit. Unable to find the strength to stand up, she rolled out of bed onto the floor and tried to crawl her way to the bathroom as slow as she could without vomiting. She lifted the toilet seat up and heavily gasped for air. Her stomach clenched before she threw up what little she had left from the night before.

JC dreaded the idea of waking up. If only I could go back to sleep, he thought as he knew he was alone. He opened his eyes and saw the space next to him empty. He inhaled, trying to smell if she might be cooking downstairs, but the stale air carried nothing.
"BABY?" he cried out, his heart still as he waited for a response. Nothing came. He threw the bedclothes off him and sprung out of bed, starting to plan his attempt at winning her back.
"If I leave now, I might be able to catch her at the airport," he said as he pulled a pair of jeans on. He stopped as he found Ellie curled up in the foetal position on the bathroom floor. "Oh, thank God."
"Baby, I need you to take me to a doctor."

JC clicked the pen as he started to fill in Ellie's details into the admission form, Ellie resting her head on his lap on the blue vinyl bench of the medical centre.
"What are your symptoms?"
"Vomiting, nausea—"
"Doesn't one cancel out the other?"
"Just put both down. Headache and stomach cramps."
"Are you still late?" he asked as he scratched “late period” into the form.
"Yeah...stop leaning the clipboard on my head."

The doctor was in his early forties with dark curly hair. "Just take a seat over here." He smiled as JC carefully help Ellie up on the examination table. "My name is Dr. Levinson. Let's see what we have here..." He flipped through the form, placing it on his desk as he started to collect together a butterfly needle and a vial for blood collection. He placed both into a kidney shaped container and went about washing his hands and putting on rubber gloves.
"OK, Elizabeth, I'm going to take a little blood just to rule out whether or not you're pregnant. Are you left- or right-handed?"
She lifted up her right hand. "We took a test on Friday; I'm not pregnant."
The doctor slipped a nylon band around her left arm, pulling the clasp tight. "I know, but sometimes home pregnancy tests are wrong. I want to cancel out pregnancy before I can pursue further tests. The obvious thing is usually the most likely." He massaged her arm to find a vein, carefully inserting the needle. He waited until he felt he had drawn enough blood, then disconnected the vial and told Ellie to press a cotton ball down on her wound as he started the prepare the paperwork. "I need you to check if the information is correct."
Ellie looked over the information on the vial and its responding form. "It's fine."
"Great, initial here, sign here. Thanks, let's get this up to pathology." He slipped the vial into a snap lock bag and called a nurse into the room. "Take this up to the lab, Hamish. Tell them it's urgent."

The doctor and JC whispered in conversation as Ellie drifted in and out of sleep.
"I know things are scary right now, but once we get an idea of what we're dealing with, everything will be fine."
"Are you sure it's not a hangover with food poisoning or something?"
"It very well could be. But since you've eaten the same things over the last few days and you're fine, I say it's just very unlikely."
"What about the test, though?"
"Again, you have no idea how common false negatives are. I don't want to get your hopes up, but sometimes it just fails. If she only around five weeks, like you said, it might have just been a little too early to get an accurate read." The doctor looked over at Ellie napping. "Is this something she wants?"
"I don't know. This isn't something we planned. Whenever the topic comes up, she goes back and forth."
"She has a while to figure out her decision." The doctor paused as he picked up the phone, nodding as the results came through.

JC placed the shopping bag on the bed next to Ellie. "The girl working the register congratulated me. She says that a lot of people are starting to find out about their Valentine's babies."
She looked up from the two photos she was holding. She held each of them up. "Before..." She held up the picture of her and JC in bed. "After..." She held up the sonogram of the blastocyst that was to become their first born.
"Ha, ha, very funny: sex leads to babies."
"Why didn't you just let me finish myself off? We were so close at avoiding this."
"Hey, hey...you watch the sexiest woman in the world touch herself as she begs for you to fuck her and you try leaving her alone." He crawled into the bed next to her.
She started to dig through the bag, looking over the crackers, ginger ale and pregnancy vitamins. She tsked as she lifted the white onesie out of the bag. "Of course, she congratulated you. You literally bought a tiny little onesie, with a tiny little baby bunny on it."
"Do you think it's gender neutral enough?"
"Yeah...let's do the nursery in bunnies."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." He watched as she laid down next to him. "Do you really want this?"
She nodded. "Yeah, it's all I've ever wanted." She intertwined her fingers with his. "To be married to a sweet guy like you and to be a mommy. Do you want this?"
He stopped in thought. "Yeah. I think so."

Chapter 26 - Old Country Lullaby

Friday, April 7th, 2006.

Ellie groaned as she felt the dull ache of a headache coming on. She twisted open a bottle of paracetamol, wincing as she washed down the capsule with a swig of ginger ale.

"Ellie, honey..." Craig bounced up to the opening of her cubicle.

She turned to him with an almost demonic furrow in her brow.

"Woah, if looks could kill."

She huffed. "What?"

"I was wondering if you had the notes for Cherish's article on the new Fendi line?"

"What's the point? They've been doing the same shit for the last eight years."

Craig leaned in closer to her. "Um...are you ok? Are you completely sure you should be back at work yet? If you need a little longer off, we completely understand."

"I'm fine," Ellie hissed.

"Are you sure? You're a little more...how do I say this...abrasive than usual."

"Excuse me? Abrasive?" she snapped. "Look, I feel like complete shit, and I'm really sorry y'all are finding me a little abrasive, but you try waking up every morning at five for the last month to be violently ill, then you can fucking tell me whether or not I have the right to feel like shit."

Craig stood up. "Do you want the afternoon off to see a doctor?"

"NO! I've seen a doctor. I know what's fucking wrong. But some things can't be cured with a B12 shot and some lemon fucking tea." She stood up, started to collect together her things, and violently shoved them into her purse, pressing the power button on her computer to force it to shut down.

"I'm sorry I'm not acting like the quiet little petal I usually am, but right now, I'm fucking pissed off that I have to deal with all of you stupid fucks every goddamn day. Fuck this, and fuck you!" She started to storm out of the office, stopping only to throw Maurice's door open. "Also, if you want fucking notes from me, ask me your-fucking-self; don't send your fucking secretary to do it!”

"Ugh!" Ellie stormed into the living room and flung herself onto the couch, pulling her sweater up until her head was hidden.

JC paused for a moment before returning to the peanut butter sandwich he was making. "You OK?"

"I fucked up."

"What happened?"

"I got angry at Craig and Maurice, they were only trying to do their jobs, and I got all shitty with them."

"OK." He briefly changed the subject. "Are you hungry?"

"No. I feel too sick."

"When did you last eat?"

She buried her head deeper into her sweater. "Breakfast or something..."

"Ellie! It's nearly 2 o'clock!"

"I know! What's the point of eating if I'm just going to throw it back up anyway?"

He sighed in frustration. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Fine." She huffed as she sat up, seeing the package on the coffee table. "When did we get that?"

"This morning. Carlos brought it over with the mail. Good news is that Alex likes what he's heard of the record; bad news is that whatever's in that box is going to be an example of the most Southern wedding present on this earth."

Ellie scooted forward on the couch. "Who is it from?"

"A D. Matherson."

"I was wondering how long it was going to take for Diana to finish the quilt." She tore open the box, giving out a sigh of disgust.

She shifted through a set of monogrammed linens: towels, sheets, and pillow cases. Finally, with a grimace on her face, she unfolded a large, square cushion cover in the same white with their initials embroidered in robin’s egg blue.

"I would be OK with it if it was 'JEC,' but I can't really see myself being comfortable with 'JCE.'"

"...Jaycee?"

"Or Jaycee-E." She placed the cushion cover by her side. "This why we didn't get married in the South."

"We got married up here, and that didn't stop us from receiving it." He reached over and pulled out the quilt on the bottom of the box.

The design was eight rows of six squares, each with an alternating print of either red roses on white, orange poppies on light blue, white magnolias on baby pink, or yellow daisies with a black centre on a striking deep violet background. Each square was bordered by a thick panel of cream coloured cotton.

"I recognise the roses, but I don't know what the other flowers are," he stated.

She peered over, pointing out each flower. "That's obviously a magnolia, that's some kind of daisy...and I'm guessing that's a kind of poppy." She looked back into the box. "Did she send a card?"

She found and ripped open an envelope. "'Dearest Elizabeth and Joshua, I hope this package finds you well. It was such a pleasure for me to sew this quilt for you. It feels like only yesterday that you and Claire were little girls playing dress up in the basement, throwing fantasy weddings to teddy bears and now you're both grown up and having your own weddings.

“‘Enclosed, I have also put Claire's present as your matron of honour, the traditional monogrammed linen set.' —I swear, if Claire wasn't pregnant right now— 'Getting back to the quilt, the fabrics I chose are each of the state flowers of Louisiana, the magnolia for where Ellie was born, Maryland, the black eyed Susan for where Joshua was born, a California poppy for where you met, and a red rose for New York, where you fell in love.’" Ellie looked up from the letter. "I mean, it works."

"I guess it does. Anything else?"

"They've decided to push up the baby shower until April the 12th, so it doesn't clash with Easter...I have to be in Baton Rouge by next Tuesday." She slid down the couch. "I'm going to have to push my 12 week scan back. Fucking shit."

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006.

Ellie carefully walked through the hallway of the hospital, lightly tapping on the door of Claire’s room. “Hey…” she whispered before exclaiming, “Holy shit!”

“What?” The once tall and lean Claire laid upright in a hospital bed, now swollen with pregnancy and hypertension.

“You just look so stunning.”

“Bullshit, I look like a twisted water balloon.” Claire outstretched her arms. “Come here.”

Ellie hugged Claire. “How are you?”

“Swollen. Good thing I’m on bed rest now, ‘cause I can barely move.”

Anna stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone. Do you want a coffee or something?”

“Just a water will be fine. I’m off all stimulants now and I want to die,” Ellie joked as she sat down on the bed, placing a reasonably sized pink gift bag on the table.

"You will not believe how disappointed Mama is that she can't throw me a baby shower."

"There'll always be the next one. Anyway, maybe she'll find another way to welcome her first granddaughter into the world."

"Yeah, maybe." Claire started digging through the gift bag. "What did you get me?"

"I thought that I should maybe get you a few preemie onesies, also a possible going-home outfit."

"Thanks." Claire shifted through the array of baby clothes, including a tiny white dress and pink cardigan. "They're really beautiful."

"I got them from Barney's."

"Again, thank you..." Claire trailed off.

"Any news?"

"The same old. Bed rest until I can deliver. They don't want to deliver before 36 weeks. They gave me something to try and bring my blood pressure down, but if anything goes wrong, they say that they can have her out within an hour."

"Are you OK?" Ellie pursed her lips as tears came to Claire's eyes.

"I'm scared. I'm scared I won't get to meet her. I'm scared I won't be able to take her home with me. I'm scared that I won't be there for her. What happens if Derek has to take her home alone? What happens if I lose her? She's got her own little room with all of this stuff in it and what do I do with all of it? Do I just sell it? Lock the door until I need it again?"

They sat in silence for a moment. "My daddy burnt all of the baby stuff, after Mom...you know..."

Claire picked at the hospital band on her wrist, changing the subject. "Is Jace back at the farm?"

"No, a friend passed away earlier this week. He's in Nashville for the memorial service," Ellie explained.

"Are they OK with you being here?"

Ellie shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. He's explained the situation and I think people get it. Joey himself said I should be here if anything goes wrong."

“Can I ask you a favour?”

“Sure.”

"If something happens, you know, I was wondering if you would be here, at the hospital. I know I can't have you in the O.R with me, but can you come to the hospital if you're still in town?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I?"

Claire reached over and took Ellie's hand, placing it on her belly. "You feel that?"

Ellie nodded. "Yeah."

"You know, every time I feel her move, I get a little less afraid that she's not OK in there."

Ellie slid onto her favourite seat at her grandmother's diner, the seventh seat overall along the horseshoe-shaped counter, third from the right corner.

"What can I get you, baby?" Jean took her notepad out of the apron pocket, flipping it open and poising her pen.

"Just a brisket on rye sandwich, little bit of mustard." Ellie checked her phone for messages or calls

"Anything else?"

"A side of potato salad and cherry Coke."

"You know, your daddy made the salad today."

"I don't mind."

Jean looked over her. "...funny," she muttered to herself as she returned to the kitchen.

After a while, John emerged with a plate, pouring her soda from the fountain. "What you reading there, hon?"

"Just some parenting magazine. I guess I subconsciously picked it up from the hospital." She started to pick at the salad with the fork.

"How's everything going round there?"

"Yeah, they're just watching her, seeing if the medication takes."

John watched as she tried to secure a piece of boiled egg onto her fork. "I thought you didn't like my potato salad?"

"I don't. I don't like potato salad in general. It's just been so long since I've had it that I kind of felt like it."

"Is there something you need to tell us?"

"No." Ellie didn't look up at her father, knowing he would be able to tell if she was lying.

John collected some plates left by other customers, placing them into the sink after he had returned to the kitchen.

"I swear, she's pregnant," Jean whispered.

"I don't know. She don't look it."

"Johnny, I've had four babies myself. My sisters all had a total of thirteen babies themselves. I have fourteen grandbabies, and six great-grandbabies. I know when a woman's keeping that kind of secret and right now I would bet my right boot Ellie's keeping that kind of secret right now."

John shook for his jacket before hanging it by the door. “Where’s Ellie?” he asked Emily as she sat on the couch, darning a pair of socks.

“She’s in the kitchen making dinner, some pasta thing.”

John paused, letting out a long sigh. “Mama thinks Ellie’s pregnant.”

“Your mama thinks half the town’s female population under thirty-five is either pregnant or sleeping around on their husbands.” She stretched out her needle and the thread of wool attached. “Implying they’re married.”

“She ate my potato salad today. She never eats my potato salad; she hasn’t willingly eaten it since she was three.” He sat down on a living room chair across from her.

"There's lots of foods she didn't like as a child that she likes now. Remember when she didn't like green beans? Maybe she's coming around to your salad."

"Then why has she been up before dawn the last few days being sick and not drunk a drop of coffee since she got here?"

"Maybe she's on one of those diets..." Her thread slowed down as she came to a realisation. "She has put on a little weight. Her face is a little fuller."

As soon as she heard what her father had told her mother, Ellie quickly took the phone off the hook and tapped in JC's cell number. She sat down on the floor of the pantry and slid her fingers underneath the door to close it from the inside, patiently waiting for him to pick up the phone.

He picked up on the seventh ring. "Hey, what's up?"

"Mom and Dad are talking about whether or not I could be pregnant."

"Wait...what?"

"Granny Jean told Daddy that she thinks I'm pregnant, and Daddy just told Mama what Granny told him."

He made a small grunt and sniffed. "Do you want to tell them?"

"I'm still in my first trimester." She twirled the phone cord around her fingers. "I thought we agreed that we would wait until I was in my second trimester to tell anyone, you know, just in case."

"We talked about it, but we never came to an agreement. Anyway, I thought that was more for business purposes."

"Wait...what?"

"We spoke about it, but we never came to a decision. I thought the we would wait at least twelve weeks before we made an announcement."

Ellie made a frustrated grunt. "Why are you talking to me like I'm a business associate?"

"Because I'm not in a situation where I can really talk about it in detail." JC stated curtly, "I'm having a drink with the guys...Lance says hi."

"Fuck Lance—" Ellie was cut off by her parents opening the pantry door just as JC's phone was hung up. "Shit."

"Ellie, what's wrong?" Emily asked as Ellie climbed to her feet and placed the phone back on the hook.

"I needed to make a private call, that's all. I'm not getting good reception now that the storm's rolling in." She took a tea towel off the counter and removed a baking dish from the oven, placing it on the table.

"Is there anything you need to tell us?"

"No." Ellie passed by them, trying not to make eye contact. She stopped at the foot of the stairs as Emily raised her voice.

"ELIZABETH ROSEMARY ARGYLE--"

Ellie snapped to face her parents. "OK, FIRSTLY, IT'S FUCKING CHASEZ NOW, SECONDLY, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!" She immediately ran upstairs, slamming her bedroom door.

John leaned against the table. "It's like she's fucking fifteen again."

Ellie dug through the belongings on her desk, finding the old key she needed to lock her bedroom door. She turned the key until she heard a click, pulling to check if it could be opened. She went over to the window, kicking aside her suitcase then lying on the floor. She looked out the window, staring up at the rain beating down on the pane. She turned onto her side, resting her head onto her left arm. She lifted up her t-shirt and unbuttoned her jeans, softly placing her fingertips on her pelvis where she believed her baby to be.

"What the fuck do I do now?" she whispered. "Your grandparents are hounding my ass for answers and your daddy won't speak straight with me." She paused in thought. "I don't know what to do..." She trailed off just as her cellphone rang.

She got up and shifted through the clothes on her bed. "Hey."

"I'm sorry," JC explained. "I was having a drink down in the hotel bar with the other guys and I couldn't really say anything direct, especially if you don't want anyone to know yet."

"OK..."

"Is there anything wrong?"

She paused for a moment in thought. "I don't know how long I can stay in the same house with them and not tell them."

"Do you want to tell them?"

"I don't know." She sighed, making a meek groan. "I think I do."

"You can tell them if you want to."

"You don't want to be here to tell them with me?"

"Maybe it will be better if I keep my distance. Gives your father less chance of hunting my milky white ass down." JC chuckled.

"He wouldn't do that," she reassured him. "At least not if he knew you were going to take care of your business, so to speak. If you fuck off, though, that's when you become free game as far as I'm concerned," she joked.

They sat for a moment in silence, just listening to each other breathing.

"I miss you, you know." She sighed.

"Yeah, I miss you, too."

"When do you think we'll see each other again?"

"I'm not making any promises, but I'll see how everything goes tomorrow."

She lowered her voice. "I don't want to start anything, but I had a dream about us last night."

"What happened?"

"I woke up next to you, and then we started kissing and touching each other's bits, and then I climbed on top of you and..." She cleared her throat.

"Then what happened?"

She lowered her voice to a whisper. "We had sex."

"Did we now?"

She nodded and squeaked in confirmation. "Yeah."

"How did it feel?"

"It was one of the dreams where you kinda feel like you're coming but you're not really, you know?"

"Don't play coy."

"I'm not playing coy!" she exclaimed.

"You do this whole thing about not wanting to do anything, but then you tell me that you had a sex dream last night."

"You're going to be home in the next few days, and I want to wait for you to get back. It will be so much more amazing if we wait. I'm not stopping you from taking care of yourself, though."

He made a small moan. "I'm not really in the mood right now."

"OK, then."

"OK."

"I think I want to tell them," she whispered.

"Do you want to wait for me?"

"I'd like to do it now, if you don't mind."

"OK. I'm OK with that if that's what you want." He took a deep breath through his nose. "I wish I could be there."

"Me too."

Ellie quietly made her way downstairs, listening to her parents talk over some business papers.

"Hey." She leaned on the doorway of the dining room converted into a makeshift office, fluffing up the oversized t-shirt she was wearing over sweatpants. "I'm sorry about before. I've had a lot of stress recently and I've been having little outbursts here and there."

Emily flipped through the invoices before her, quickly peering over the rim of her glasses. "It's fine," she said in a stiff tone.

"I need to talk to you guys for a little."

"Ellie, can't you see we're busy?"

"I'm pregnant."

John instantly put down the feed order forms he was going over and made a loud gasp, his eyes as big as saucers.

Ellie sat across from her mother. “I’m having a baby.”

Emily placed her glasses on the table and quickly went up stairs. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

Ellie and John sat for a moment in silence.

She repositioned herself, sitting with her legs crossed. “I know this is too soon—“

“Bullshit, it’s a baby, not a dentist appointment. These things are never too soon or too late; they always happen when they’re supposed to.”

“Is Mom going to be OK with it?”

John rose up from his chair. “She’ll be fine. You know foal season’s coming up and we’re just trying to get all of the business in order for that. She also didn’t take too well to your disagreement earlier. She’ll come around.” He kneeled down by Ellie's seat, wrapping his arms around her, smiling as she clung to the material of his blue-worn-to-grey t-shirt. "If I knew I was getting the best news of my life, I would've wore a better shirt."

Ellie lightly tapped on the large wooden door leading into her parents bedroom. "Mama?" She carefully twisted the old door knob and pushed the door open. She glanced around the room that had changed very little in the last twenty-eight years. She checked the giant oak bed for her mother, instead finding her bent over the vanity table by the window. "Are you ok?"

"It's too soon," Emily mumbled.

"I know, but it's not like I planned this. It just happened."

"You don't even know if he'd be a reliable boyfriend, let alone a reliable husband and father."

Ellie sat on the edge of the bed. "I think he'll be a wonderful father. You know how incredibly sweet and caring he is."

"He could turn."

"He cancelled two weeks of studio time, so he could take care of me when my morning sickness was at its worst. He's even arranging to push back the album to make sure I have the length of maternity leave I want."

"You don't think he'll get resentful at all the sacrifices he's going to have to make for you and the baby?"

"I don't know.” Ellie fidgeted with the hem of her t-shirt. “Is there something you’re trying to warn me about?” She waited for an answer that never came. “Mama, is there anything you’re feeling…I don’t know, negative about right now that you want to talk about?”

“No,” Emily said, never having moved from the position Ellie found her in.

Ellie quietly tiptoed out of the room. “I’ll leave you be, then.”

Thursday, April 13th, 2006.

Justin poked around at his plate of breakfast as he watched JC shovel down a full plate of scrambled eggs.

“You should slow down there,” Joey advised from over his cup of coffee.

“JC, why did you change the cord on your Leo pendant?” Justin asked.

JC stopped to swallow. “What?”

Chris pointed at the necklace and round pendant peeking through JC collar. “Your new chain, what’s the story there?”

“The night before our wedding was kind of…rough—“

“I hope in a good way,” Lance interjected.

JC turned his head towards Lance. “…anyway, the cord snapped and Ellie replaced it with a chain when she went to pick my wedding ring up.”

“Then what happened?” asked Lance. “You never told us the story of how you got married.”

JC picked at his plate. “I don’t know. We woke up around nine, took a bath together, she went off to get the ring and some hair spray, she came home, she did her hair, then we hung out for awhile, then we got dressed and went to the clerk’s office. We waited for around two hours, then we had a little civil ceremony that lasted around six minutes. Then we went to Central Park to take some photos and then we went to her editor’s apartment to wait for the photos to be developed, then we had a little dinner and we went home.”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to see the bride before the wedding?” Justin wondered as he flicked the corner of his napkin.

“Everything happened so fast that we didn’t really have a lot of time to try and conform to any traditions. I mean, I was with her when she bought her dress.”

Lance quickly placed down his coffee. “Isn’t that super bad luck?”

r32;JC shrugged. “We just stopped by this vintage store the night before and she just picked out a dress she liked. We never really thought of anything else; we just wanted to get everything over and done with.”

Chris ripped apart a piece of bacon. “Do we need to ask why?”

“It just felt right. We tried to do the whole ‘traditional Southern wedding’ thing, but we just ended up saying ‘fuck it’ and got married when it felt right.” He smiled as he started to load his fork up again. “She had the most incredible smile during the ceremony.”

The four of them watched as JC returned to his breakfast.

“Is he eating faster today?” Joey muttered. “I have never seen anyone so excited about a plate of scrambled eggs in my whole life.”

“It’s just been awhile since I had them,” JC said as he picked the last fragments of egg off his plate.

“Is Ellie allergic or something?” Joey asked.

“No. Ellie can’t really stomach them or their smell right now.”

“Right now?” Joey repeated.

JC nodded.

“Is she pregnant or something?” Joey inquired as he took another sip of coffee.

JC instantly froze, the others following suit, the only sound from the table was Lance dropping a butter knife.

“Eighteen years, man. Eighteen years,” Justin drawled in exclamation. “Look, I know you’re in love, but you really need to think about what you’re getting yourself into.”

JC stood up, throwing his used napkin onto the table. “I’m not here for this shit.”

Joey found JC kicking stones around the decorative cactus garden outside the hotel’s restaurant. “Did I reveal something I wasn’t supposed to?”

“I’m fucking getting sick of this. I’m getting sick of running every time someone has a goddamn issue with Ellie and me. I’m getting sick and tired of being the one who has to feel bad because some cunt can’t accept that I’m in love.”

“I know, man.”

“You know what, fuck them. Fuck everyone. I’m in love with the most incredible woman ever and we’re married and now we’re having a baby.” JC paused, taken back. “Whoa, it’s kind of weird to finally say it out loud to someone.”

Joey sat down on a stone bench. “Come here.” He waited for JC to sit next to him, drawing him in for a hug. “I’m happy for you. This is one of the best things you’re ever gonna experience. But, I must warn you, it is going to go by way too fast; if you’re not careful, you’re gonna miss a lot of moments you can never get back. Another thing, you are never ever going to be truly ready for this. You can think you are, but you won’t, and once you’ve gotten the hang of one thing, everything’s gonna change all over again.”

“You know, I really could’ve used that advice fourteen months ago.”

Ellie got the call just before six. She spent nearly all day in the ward with Claire as the doctors and nurse ran a variety of tests that had now become part of Claire’s daily routine. Ellie was just leaving as a nurse wrapped two thick nylon straps around Claire’s belly, monitoring the baby’s heartbeat and movements.

“Remind me to never, never ever ever, drive through Baton Rouge in peak hour during a storm.” Ellie ruffled her wet hair as the phone rang.

She reached out for it as her father quickly took the phone first. “Evening…”

His temperament changed immediately. “They’ve taken Claire down to the O.R. to do a Caesarean. Anna says that Claire wants you there.”

“Um…OK.” Ellie pursed her lips. “I guess we’ve got to get back to the hospital, then.”

“I’ll drive you.” John walked out in front of her, grabbing the keys from the side table before she could retrieve them first. He quickly went over to Emily and kissed her, the two of them whispering between them. “Bye bye, love. Be good.”

Ellie and John sat in the cab of the truck as they waited for traffic to start moving again, a heavy silence falling between them.

“Is this the right thing to do?” Ellie whispered.

“What do you mean? With Claire and all that?”

“I mean me?”

“Does it feel right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it’s the right thing to do.”

“What about Josh?”

“He’ll be fine. I know for a fact that he’s still very much in love with you and he can’t wait to see you again. He wouldn’t feel that way if he wasn’t sure he wanted to stay with you.”

“Did he call whilst I was out?”

“Yes’m.”

“So he knows you know.”

“Yep.”

“And he knows you’re happy about it?”

“I wouldn’t tell him I was feeling any other way if I wasn’t feeling that way.”

“Why are you so happy about it?”

“‘Cause I’m ready to be a pappy. Also, don’t worry about your mama. She’s just been through some hard stuff and she doesn’t want you to go through it, too.”

Ellie checked her cellphone. “Speaking of Mama, she just texted me to tell me to tell you that the stallion’s over at the float.”

“Okie dokie. I’ll just drop you off and go fix that, then I’ll come get you when you’re ready to come home.” John wrangled the truck into park. “See you in a few.”

It had been around two hours since she arrived at the hospital. She spent most of that time in the waiting room talking quietly with Claire’s parents, Anna, and Derek’s parents, his mother Beth and his father David. David had spent most of this time sorting through an old shortbread tin full of stamps and inserting them into a collector's folder, Anna and Lewis growing slowly irritated at every time he showed them a stamp with a bird on it.

“Here’s a…let me see…an oriole finch one from Malawi. You know, my ancestors were from Malawi,” David commented as he showed Anna the stamp. “What beautiful yellow plumage she has. I do love the ones with the birds on them.”

Derek emerged from down the hall. “Hey, she’s OK. They’re both OK. Annabelle Marie Rolands: seventeen inches and five pounds on the dot. You guys can come in two at time.”

Anna went back to the copy of Femme Fatale magazine. “I think maybe Mama and Beth should go in first; I’m OK waiting.”

“I should probably call Daddy to ask him to pick me up.” Ellie checked her watch as she dug through the change compartment of her wallet. “It’ll be nine soon.”

Ellie slipped a quarter into the payphone at the end of the hall. She waited for the coin to drop and dialled the number.

“Hey, everything’s fine, Mama…yeah…five pounds, Annabelle Marie. OK, tell Daddy I’m ready to be picked up. OK, bye.” She hung up the phone and walked back into the waiting room.

“Get this,” Anna said as she skimmed through an article about Eva Bitchface. “She actually says this: ‘Mexican women are like Mexican food; hot and spicy. In my experience, some men can handle the heat, some run from the kitchen.’ Is she being serious?”

“I don’t think it’s a direct reference to either JC or me,” Ellie commented as she sat down.

“Really, ‘cause you can make a gumbo that will make you shit acid.” Anna continued to flip through the photo spread. “I don’t get this; she’s with this ballplayer, but she keeps dropping little pass aggressive remarks about you and Jace.”

“We started dating right after he dumped her. I think she tried to call him on our first date.”

“What happened?”

“She was two-timing him with the ballplayer, but he cut her off before she could choose between the two. She supposedly really wanted him back after he won the Grammys.”

“Are you OK with that?”

Ellie snickered. “Too late now.”

Ellie watched through the window as Lewis and David went into the ward. She smiled as she watched her father’s truck find a parking spot.

“I think Mama might be picking me up tonight.”

“How do you know?” Anna asked as she defaced the cover of the magazine.

“She’s always driven the truck more gently than Daddy. You know, Mama sent me this weird text message before Daddy dropped me off. Something about the stallion being by the float. Which is weird ‘cause Mama owns four stallions and the horse float’s locked in the barn…Do you think it’s code for something?”

Anna shrugged.

“What are they chances Josh flew in to surprise me?”

“I don’t know, fifty percent. He either did or he didn’t.”

“I think you girls can go in now,” Lewis said as he and David came back out of the ward.

Anna nearly ran into the room, Ellie carefully following her.

“Hey,” Ellie whispered as she leaned down next to the bed, smoothing her skirt down. “She’s adorable.”

“She’s got my nose and Derek’s eyes,” Claire whispered as she carefully revealed her daughter’s face from the pink, white, and blue striped blanket she was bundled in.

“She’s also got my hair,” Derek interjected.

“It’s probably the painkillers, but she’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to me.”

“I think that’s the oxytocin talking; your body starts to release it after you’ve giving birth to aid in bonding.”

“Elizabeth—“

“Chasez,” Ellie interjected.

“Chasez, always the smartest person in the room.” They watched as Annabelle stretched out her hand, Claire tenderly kissing her palm. “I swear, you need to have one of your own. You will never know happiness or love like this.”

“November…” Ellie quietly whispered. “I’m due on November 6th.”

“Do you mean?”

“I got strep throat in early February. My doctor put me on antibiotics, which apparently affects the pill or something. I had a very, very, very erotic dream the night before Valentine’s, a…and long story short, we found out we were pregnant on March the 6th. I didn’t want to tell you if something went wrong.”

Claire turned her head to Derek. “I told you her first pregnancy would involve a contraceptive fuckup. You owe me a coke.”

Ellie lightly tapped the hood of the truck, waving at the driver through the rain covered windshield. She opened the door and slid into the front passenger seat.

"Hey. That was intense," she commented as she placed her bag by her feet, feeling the seat change shape.

She closed her eyes as she waited for her mother to kiss her cheeks, taking a moment to be startled when instead of feeling her mother's smooth skin, she felt the brush of whiskers.

"For some reason, I thought Mama—HOLY FUCKING SHIT." She jumped back when she turned to see JC sitting in the driver's seat. She lightly hit his chest with the palm of her hand. "Oh my fucking God. You scared the shit out of me."

JC smiled, crinkling his nose. "Surprise."

“Butthead.” She gently pulled at his shirt, wrapping her arm around his neck as they kissed.

He grunted as she pulled away, licking his lips and smiling. “I guess we better get you home.”

Chapter 27 - Motorcycles and Uncertainties

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005.
Ellie slinked into the doorway of JC's writing room. "Hey..."
"Hey." He swivelled his chair around to face her. "I see you’re up from your nap."
"Yeah."
"Yeah." He watched as she leaned against the doorframe, hooking her thumbs in the belt loops of her jeans.
"Are you working on anything?"
"Nothing in particular. You?"
"I just got off the phone arranging an interview tomorrow."
"Nice."
"Nice."

She pursed her lips. "Are we going to completely ignore the fact that there's a motorcycle in the garage?"
"Oh that?" He clicked around at some windows on his computer, putting it to sleep.
She followed him as he made his way upstairs. "Are you minding it for a friend or something?"
"No, it's mine. It's so much easier to get around the city on a bike." He opened the door leading into the garage from the foyer. "It's the helmet; it kinda gives you the ability to hide."
She ran her hand along the leather of the seat. "How long have you been...um...riding, I guess?"
"Few years now. Some buddies were motorcyclists and they kinda introduced me to it."
"Cool."
"Yeah."

She leaned against the seat, feeling the curve of the cold, black metal of the fuel tank with her fingertips. "It's a nifty...thing..."
"Have you ever ridden one?"
"Um...not really."
"Do you want to take it out? I mean...we take it out, go for a ride somewhere...with you as my passenger?" He disappeared for a moment, returning with the keys and two leather jackets.
"I wouldn't even know how to get on it."
"It's just like getting on a horse, just swing your right leg over it."
She took one of the jackets off him. "I don't like horses."
"Everyone likes horses." He brushed the dust off a helmet, handing it to her.
"I have my reasons."
"Do you?"
"Yep."

Ellie waited as JC closed the gate. He pulled the helmet on, strapping it below his chin.
"Do you think you can get that on secure enough?" he asked as he mounted the bike.
"Um...yeah. It's just like a riding helmet."
"Alright. There's handles on the back if you want to hold on to them, but if you want, you can hold on to me. You can choose, but I would advise that you hang on tightly."
She hesitantly pulled her helmet on, pulling on the clasp to check its durability. She slowly and unsurely swung her right leg over the bike, inching as close to him as she could.
He turned the key in the ignition. “You alright back there?” he yelled over the growl of the motor.
“Um…yeah?” she said, muffled by the helmet. “Yeah!” she repeated, making sure she was heard.

He jump-started the bike, setting off down the street.
“SHIT!” she yelled, holding on to him for dear life. They two of them came to a slow stop at a red light. “I DON’T LIKE THIS!”
He steadied the bike, tenderly slipping his hand underneath her left leg, giving a gentle squeeze in reassurance. She intertwined her fingers with his, taking safety from the split second they were allowed to hold hands before they had to continue on.

Over the next hour, they journeyed throughout the city, speeding past well-known landmarks and hot spots, completely undercover. They never arose suspicion whenever they past hoards of photographers or star seekers. She was passing through Hollywood on the back of a Grammy winner’s bike completely unnoticed. Even though the worst could happen instantly, she somehow felt safe. Eventually, she let go, putting her trust completely in him as she tucked her cold hands into the pockets of his jacket.

JC led Ellie down a trail to the long grass growing on the dunes of a hidden beach off Malibu. She stared out over the ocean.
“It’s really beautiful out here.”
“Yeah.” He sat down in the grass.
She sat down next to him. “I get why you ride now. I don’t think anyone noticed us - well, you - until we stopped for gas.” She watched as he picked a strand of grass and folded it. “You don’t like being famous, do you?”
“Not really. I mean, I like what I do, being able to sing and shit, but I don’t like always having attention on me. It’s kind of nice not to be talked about constantly.”
“Um…if we start dating, is that going to…”
“I don’t know. You’re not famous yourself, and unless you try to become famous, no one’s really going to pay much attention to you.” He paused. “On the other hand, I’m kind of going through a break up right now with someone who is famous, someone’s who’s been leaking stories about us, her and me, to the tabloids, trying to save face because it’s a little obvious that she moved on before I did.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“When the time was right. We’re still kind of getting to know each other. I didn’t want to ruin everything with you before we really got a chance to start.”
“Did you love her?”
He went quiet for a moment. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Did she break your heart?”
“Again, I don’t know. I am hurting a little, though.”
“Am I going to have to fix you?”
He shook his head. “No, I’ll be OK.”

The two of them sat for a moment, searching for a change in topic as an awkward silence built between them.
“Why don’t you like horses?” he asked.
“I grew up around them. My mama studs racing thoroughbreds. You wouldn’t like them either if you have to smell horse shit every day of a humid Louisiana summer.”
“OK, then.” He leaned down onto his side, the silence once again building between them.
“Did you bring me out here to fuck me?”
He reeled his head back in shock. “What?”
“Did you bring me out here to fuck me? I notice you bought one of those vending machine condoms after you went to the bathroom at the gas station.”
“Uh…yeah. You never know when you might need protection or something.”
“Or something.”
“Or something.” She lay down facing him, adjusting herself to stop the tingling she still felt from the motorbike.

“I hate you,” she whispered.
He smiled. “Why?”
“Every moment I’m with you, I’m a nanosecond away from begging you to fuck me.”
He grabbed the waistband of her jeans and pulled her closer to him. “I guess you know exactly how I feel, then.”
She used her weight to turn them over until she was lying on top of him, straddling his thigh. “You know, it’s so romantic out here it would be a pity not to at least make out a little.”
“I will never know in a thousand years how I managed to land a girl a smart as you.”
She lowered her mouth to his ear, whispering: “You have a giant cock.”

She turned his chin towards her, brushing her lips across his as she thrust her tongue into his mouth, running it along his. Even though the hot Californian sun burned her skin, goosebumps started to prickle her skin as she flicked her tongue to the tip of his as he traced along her lips, sucking and biting his lips whenever they parted for air. She moaned as she started to grind against his thigh, feeling the seam of her jeans rub against her clit.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered. He watched as she tried to find the right momentum and pressure to bring herself to climax. He grabbed her ass. “Baby, stop,” he whispered. “We’re adults; we don’t need to dry hump.” He slowly unbuttoned her fly, reaching into her panties as he started to rub her pussy, enjoying the whimpers she made as she started to come. He wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her close enough for their lips to meet again. She buried her face into his t-shirt as she let out a faint cry, her body tensing up.

He turned her over onto her back, slipping her jeans and panties down to expose her. He lifted her t-shirt and bra up, sucking the soft curves of her breasts and abdomen. He paused, biting his lip as he looked down at her, her supple skin glowing amongst the tan of the grass around her. He clawed at his jacket, pulling the small box from the pocket, unwrapping the plastic and unfolding it, taking out the condom before he undid his fly and pulling his waistband down to reveal his throbbing cock. He ripped the package open, slipping the piece of rubber down the head and shaft of his penis.
“I thought you didn’t bring me out here to fuck me,” she said as he spread her legs, lifting her ass as he brought her close enough to enter her.
“I never said I didn’t.” He repositioned himself, taking his shirt off before he laid on top of her, slowly starting to thrust into her. “Anyway, I don’t want to waste a 75 cent condom.”
“You really splurged, didn’t you?”
“Only for my best gal.”

He tenderly kissed her as he made love to her, slowly guiding himself in and out of her. They held each other’s gaze for what seemed like an eternity, only breaking it as they kissed or closed their eyes to make their little sounds of ecstasy. Finally, he put more force behind his thrusts, finishing with a gasp. He held still for a moment, catching his breath. “Baby,” he whispered.
He withdrew and turned over, pulling his pants up as she redressed.
“We missed the sunset,” she commented as she gazed over the purple sky and sapphire ocean.
“It’s OK. We’ll see others.” He reached out for her, bringing her closer to him his bare chest.
She found comfort in the heat radiating off him. “Do you think anyone saw us?”
“I don’t know, maybe.” He kissed her forehead. “I would be more worried if someone took photos.”
“What if someone did?”
“We’ll find out when the press picks up the photos, I guess.”
“Are you scared what people might think?” She furrowed her brow as she looked up at him.
“I don’t care what people think. People are going to think what they want when you're famous. The only thing you can really do is stand by what you know as true, OK?”
She buried her head into his chest. ”I guess."

Sunday, April 16th, 2006.
“Do I look OK?” Ellie smoothed down her dress as she and JC walked up his parents’ driveway for Easter dinner.
“You look fine. Are you sure you don’t want me to carry that?” JC gestured to the suitcase she was carrying.
“No, I’m fine.” They climbed the stairs to the front door, placing their luggage down before he raised his hand to knock. “Wait…” She quickly undid and retied her hair up into her usual bun. “Mama says that you can see it in my face, can you really?”
“You look fine,” he reassured her as he knocked.
“But do I look pregnant?”
Karen suddenly swung open the door. “Why would you look pregnant?”
A bellow came from the living room. “JESUS H. CHRIST, NO!”

Roy tapped his fork angrily against the rim of the table as JC, Ellie and Karen sat down for dinner. “You two are just a bundle of surprises, aren’t you?”
“We’re sorry we’re late.” Ellie ignored him. “Everything was going fine until around 11 this morning when we got to the airport in Baton Rouge. Our flight was delayed an hour or so.”
“Maybe it would be better if we start sharing you two for Easter as well,” Karen suggested. “Instead of trying to fit breakfast with your family and dinner with our family into the same day.”
“It would’ve been fine. Breakfast was finished by 10…I don't know, Easter kind of sneaks up on you. I’ve always kind of had trouble with holidays that don’t have fixed dates.”
“We’re not going to talk about whether or not she’s pregnant?” Roy interjected.
“Not if you’re going to be so rude about it,” Ellie spat back.
“Rude?”
“Yes, rude. You’ve been riding our asses about not keeping to an appropriate timeline since we got engaged. We know, OK? We know everything’s going fast with us, but we honestly didn’t plan this one, it kind of just happened,” Ellie stressed as she furiously stabbed at the salad greens on her plate.
"I just—"
Ellie instantly cut Roy off. "No. Just no. Unless you're going to say something positive, you don't get to say a thing on the subject.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” The four of them spent the next hour or so finishing dinner, struggling to make small talk.

Ellie finished picking through the dirty laundry in her and JC’s luggage and put on a load of washing. She started to make her way to JC’s studio as she stopped by a decorative mirror by the archway leading into the kitchen. She smoothed over the fabric of her yellow sundress pulled taut over her abdomen. She tried sucking in her stomach, exhaling after she felt a pang of discomfort in her torso. She attempted to readjust the dress, trying to find the same looseness the dress had the previous summer.
“I shouldn’t be showing yet,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m barely eleven weeks.” She looked at herself straight on. With the exception of her breasts nearly bursting out of her bustline, she looked only a little thicker, just a little more bloated than usual. She turned sideways and attempted to readjust herself, straightening her neck and back, trying again to suck her stomach in. She huffed, letting out a meek sound as she reconciled yet again that her body had only started to make the first small steps of an extreme change. “Fucking hell.”

She continued her way to the studio, finding the door slightly ajar and the room empty. She stood still for a moment listening if there was movement upstairs. She walked back through the hall, stopping to see if she did indeed see the dark figure out on the lawn. She watched as JC sat down on the slope leading down to the lake.

"Are you ok?" she asked after she had gone outside to see if anything was wrong.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He covered his eyes with his hand.
"Your father's a prick," she stated bluntly.
He flopped down onto his back. "He's not."
"No...I'm pretty sure he's a judgemental prick."
JC sighed, staring up at the grey clouds covering the night sky. “Please don’t get into a shit fit with my dad.”
"I don't want to"—she sat down next to him—"but if he's going to give me shit for something that is completely out of my hands, whatever happens he brought on himself.”
He gently reached out and touched her arm. “Baby…”
“What?” She turned to look at him.
“I don’t know…”

Ellie lay down next to him, looking up at the overcast night sky. She listened closely to the wind blowing through the trees. “How did we get here?”
“In what way?”
“Us.”
“We fell in love.”
“Why did we fall in love so quickly?”
“Because we’re just right for each other.” He shrugged when she turned to look at him.
“Why did we get married so quickly?”
“We were in love?”
She turned to look back up at the sky. “Why did we get pregnant so quickly?”
“Because you were horny and we were irresponsible with our contraception methods.”
“We,” she corrected him, “we were horny.”

"I don't want you to get too caught up with how my dad reacted tonight. You know he doesn't take surprises well," JC stated, "especially big ones like this."
"I don't know...I just want him to be happy for us."
"Just give him a little while to sit with the news."
She sat up, brushing the grass off her dress. “I’m starting to get cold, now.”

Monday, April 17th, 2006.
JC entered the kitchen just as the phone started ringing. “Hello?”
“Ay! JC! It’s Alex. Is it still morning over there? Are you having a good’in?”
“Um…yeah. Just got in from a run.”
“That’s good. I called Eric and he said that I could reach you at this number. Look, JC, I’m very happy with what you've submitted to me in regards to what music you want to put on the album,” Alex explained. “Eric and I have been talking a little, and I was wondering if you might be ready to put out a single in the next three months.”
“I’m kind of on vacation right now.”
“I know, I know. Nothing’s gonna be happening for a while, but I need to start talking with my distributors if we want a record out by the end of this year.”
“I thought we talked about this.” JC scratched his head. “I can’t release an album this year.”
“I know, but we also don’t want you to completely drop out of the lexicon. It’ll be hard to bring you back in once you do, and as much as your surprise wedding and emotionally unstable drunkard of a wife—“
“Alex…”
“You know I’m only repeating what they’re saying, JC. You have no story right now; people want a story. We need to get something out there for them to talk about, and frankly between you and me, I want to start seeing some return on my investment soon.”
JC sighed. “What do you want to do?”
“I’ve been hearing some good things from the Californian rock scene, right now. I think that song you did with Justin, that ‘Until Yesterday’ one, might ignite a few fires this summer, you know?”
“Um…OK.”
“Great! We’ll release it to radio at the end of June, get the video out by late July, get it in stores by your birthday. I’m predicting a top 20 hit, boy. This’ll be big.”
“Yeah…”
“That’s the spirit. I’ll be in New York at the end of the month; we’ll put together a mastered copy then. See ya, then.”
“Yeah, see you then,” JC mumbled as he heard the phone click. He started tapping his forehead against the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

Ellie slinked up behind JC as he finished brushing his teeth after a shower. She turned to look at her side, lifting her t-shirt up to view her growing bump.
“Do you see this?” She ran her hands over her lower abdomen. “I think I’ve started showing.”
“That’s great…” he mumbled as he rinsed his toothbrush off.
“It’s wonderful. It means the baby’s growing.”
He rinsed his mouth out. “I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just a little preoccupied with work right now.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“Alex wants me to release a single this summer.” He paused. “I’ve told him I’m OK with it.”
Ellie stepped away from him. “OK, but you’ll still definitely get November and December off, right?”
“We haven’t really made any real decisions regarding schedule yet. We’ll probably talk it over when we see each other next.”
“OK.” She walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. “What song do you think you’re going to put out?”
“Alex wants it to be ‘Until Yesterday.’”
“The ‘Until Yesterday’ you did with Justin?”
JC nodded.
“The guitar-based ‘Until Yesterday’ one you did with Justin?”
“Yeah.”
“The guitar-based “Until Yesterday’ that opens with a verse where your girlfriend has another man’s baby that you did with Justin.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You stupid cunt.” She stood up off the bed. “I’m fucking pregnant and you’ve agreed to release a fucking song about your lover having another man’s baby whilst your fucking wife is pregnant!”
“Alex thinks it could be a hit.”
“Yeah, because it’s going to cause a fucking scandal. Everyone’s going to want to listen to it because everyone’s going to be talking about it because they’ll want to know if I’m really carrying your baby.”
“Well…” He paused, sputtering as he tried to find something to say. He flung himself onto the bed. “Goddamnit.”
“Can you fix it?”
“Justin’s recording his own album right now. Booking studio time with him would be harder than booking a lobotomy for a mammoth.”
She sat next to him on the bed. “What happens then? People are stupid. They’re going to make assumptions.”
He thought for a moment, lifting his head. “We’ll just tell them the truth. Justin and I wrote the song long before you got pregnant and it has nothing to do with you.”

He turned over to his side. “We’re going to have to talk about making an announcement soon.”
“I thought you didn't want to make a public announcement. We haven’t even publicly announced the fact that we’re married yet.”
“We announced the engagement.”
She laid down next to him. “Yeah, and your fans went apeshit.”
“My fans go apeshit over everything, good or bad news.”
“OK.” She sighed, brushing her shirt down as she stood up. “Is your mom still coming over? Do you think I should make something?”

The aroma of freshly baked peanut butter cookies wafted out of the front door as JC opened the door for his mother, Karen.
"Hey." She lifted her arms to hug him. "Is she baking?"
"Yeah"—he lightly pecked her cheek"—she's a little pissed right now. It's something she gets from her dad."
"Why?"
"We had a…" He paused for a moment, trying to find the right word. “Disagreement, per se."
"Anything you'd like to talk about?"
"No, you'd only side with her." He led her into the kitchen just as Ellie was violently trying to scrape off a particularly stubborn cookie.
"Aaaah!" Ellie grunted as she attacked the confectionary with a spatula. "Fuck it, just fuck it..." She flung the egg flip onto the tray and removed the oven gloves. "It can stay there for all I care." Ellie sat down at the kitchen table in a huff.
Karen placed a white paper shopping bag on the kitchen table. "Are you OK?" she addressed Ellie.
"Oh, I'M fine. It's just that someone has decided to release a single about his lover having another man's baby whilst his lover is currently pregnant."
"Oh..." Karen smoothed down the fabric of her pants. "Is that the one you played for me just before Thanksgiving? The demo you did with Justin?"
"Um...yeah." JC sat down at the kitchen table.  "I'm not sure Ellie wants me to release it"
"I didn't say you couldn't release it. I'm just saying that the timing is awkward considering certain life events that are occurring right now.”
JC cocked his jaw. “She’s been like this for the last hour and a half.”
"I'm allowed to be upset!" Ellie sputtered into tears. "Some people already think I'm trash: they think I'm too emotional, violent, alcoholic and just an overall gold digging slut. If anyone gets the impression that this baby isn't yours, there's going to be a giant chunk of your fanbase who believes that, no matter what you try to tell them otherwise. It wouldn't be a problem if it was just me, but this also involves the baby. People, your fucking fans, are seriously going to believe that this child isn't yours. I can defend myself, she can't."
"Some of my fans will question those things whether or not I release a single with that subject matter. They're going to believe that I only married you because I'm gay, I'm in love with Justin, and we want a baby together," JC responded. "There is always going to be a fraction of shitheads who are going to believe whatever they want despite how incredibly far from the truth or plausibility it is."
"Fuck this and fuck you!" Ellie stormed from the kitchen into the living room.

JC closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he tried to centre himself.
"Do you know if it's a girl yet?" Karen asked softly after a pause.
"We have no idea. She has these slips occasionally, but it's too early to tell without genetic testing." He drummed his fingers on the counter. "It's getting harder to deal with her outbursts. I know she was emotionally unpredictable before she became pregnant, but now..." He ran his hand through his hair. "I just don't know. Like, is it healthy for the baby—"
"Josh, it's OK. You're having your first child; she's having her first child. The coming months...years really...are going to be some of the most stressful you'll ever experience."
"Ok, mom." He started to make his way to the living room.
"Josh, I'm not finished. You need to hang in there for her, give her support, you hear?"
"Yeah."

He found Ellie crying softly to herself as she lay facing the back of the couch.
"Are you OK?"
"No." She sniffed.
He sat beside her as delicately as he could. "What's wrong?"
“I don’t feel in control of my life anymore. Everything’s going so fast now and I can’t stop anything or change anything back and I shouldn’t be talking about these things whilst your mother’s here and I just want things to be easy again.”
He lightly pressed his lips to hers. “But were you happy back then?”
"I don't know."
"I think you do." He ran his fingers through her hair. "We've talked about this. Not everything is going to be easy all the time. Some things are naturally going to be hard."
She chuckled. "I feel like we keep going over this again and again."
"Because we do." He kissed her again, gently touching the tip of her tongue with his.

"Come on." JC patted Ellie's thigh. "I think Mom brought something for the baby."
Ellie wiped her eyes as they went back into the kitchen. "I'm sorry for that."
"It's fine. Not that you don't have a point regarding the single choice, but the pregnancy hormones just sends everything into such a tizzy emotionally. There was a motor oil commercial doing the rounds when when I was pregnant with Tyler about this father teaching his son how to fix the truck..." Karen paused, sniffing. "They start out so small, then they get bigger..." She started fanning her face. "Oh my gosh..."
"Awww..." JC hugged Karen. "Don't start. If you start crying, she'll start and once she starts, she'll never stop," he said in jest.

"It's fine, it's fine, I'm OK." Karen made a sharp inhale, straightening herself. She took the shopping bag off the table, holding it closed. "Have you started buying things for the baby yet?"
"Not really. Josh picked something up when we first found out - a yellow onesie with a white rabbit on it - but due to my mother's history, we don't really want to get a lot of things if there ends up being no baby," Ellie explained.
"Um...OK." Karen folded the top of the shopping bag, biting her lip. "My mamaw had this corny tradition where every time one of her children announced a pregnancy, she would knit them a white receiving blanket as a token to receive or welcome the baby into the family. My sisters and cousins have been lucky enough to be continuing the tradition over the last few years." She passed Ellie the shopping bag. "I'm not a knitter, so I put together a little something this morning at the sewing machine."
Ellie removed a bundle of fleece from the bag, unfolding the soft, pure white baby blanket. She sat down at the table as she ran her fingers over the fibres. "It's very lovely, thank you."
JC kissed the crown of Ellie’s head. "Considering everything, we've been going back and forth on whether or not we're excited about the whole thing."
"I know it's a little soon, but you should still anticipate the child with love. Parenthood is one of God's greatest gifts."
"What if it's not our time yet?" Ellie stared into her lap as she inspected the seam of the blanket.
Karen reached her hand over the table. “I think we'll just have to wait and see.”

Later that night, JC and Ellie sat across from each other, picking through the remnants of the Japanese takeout they had had for dinner.
"Why don't you think your mama backed me up with how bad the single choice is?" Ellie mumbled and she sucked an edamame bean from its pod.
"I think she's a little more used to how the industry works in the sense that she knows that there are some decisions you can't change once the higher-ups make up their minds."
"It doesn't make it right," she crooned in her Cajun accent.
"I know, but you know the situation I'm in. I need to prove that I can have another solo hit. Especially since I'm on a new label and such. Anyway, she knows not to get too caught up in gossip and hearsay."
"But—"
"Look, I get your point, but not everyone is going to instantly think that the two are related."
"Why did you even write that first verse?"
"We needed to set up a scenario where you would instantly fall out of love with someone, not just a gradual thing. We thought that having a girl cheat on you, then fall pregnant with her side piece's baby would do that." He picked at the food on his plate. "You know, people are going to think what they want when you're famous. The only thing you can really do is stand by what you know as true."
"I guess."

Ellie pouted as she stared at the array of food containers on the table.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what’s with the sour puss?” he asked.
“Have we become sexless?”
He shifted in his seat, furrowing his brow in confused surprise. “What?”
She tried to collect the right words. “Do you feel like the honeymoon is over for us?”
“Oh, jeez.” He sunk into his chair.
“What?”
“What do you mean ‘what?’”
“What’s wrong now?”
“Look, I just want to eat my dinner and chill out tonight." He got out of his chair and started collecting the empty containers. "I don’t want to have a fight about whether or not our marriage is already falling apart.”
"What if it is?"
"What if it's not?"
"How can you be so laid-back about this?"
"Because you always find something wrong with us. If it's not because we were never supposed to fall in love, it's because we're moving too fast. If it's not that, it's something else. Why must you go over every little thing and try to find a reason to break us?" He sat back across from her in a huff.
"I'm not trying to."
"You are. It's all you do. Ever since I left for Australia, you have." He thought for a moment. "You never wanted to fall in love with me, did you?"
"Baby..."
"You just wanted to fuck me a few times and throw me away."
Ellie sighed. "Oh God, no. I wanted you. I wanted to be able to have you—"
"Do you want to be with me or own me?"
"I don't know. Part of me wanted happily forever after, part of me just wanted your cock." She looked into her lap. "I was obviously stupid for wanting both."

He looked at her from across the table, asking: "Do you honestly think that we're not meant to be together anymore?"
"I don't know. I want to be with you, I still love you, but...I still have my doubts."
"Do you think we need some space?"
"We just had some space."
"I mean some real 'let you be alone to really think things out' space."
"I don't want that."
JC threw up his hands. "Then what do you want?...Please tell me."
"I...I'm not sure."

Chapter 28 - Second Chances

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006.
Ellie grumbled as she accepted that she just wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. She slowly opened her eyes and kicked off the blankets, flexing her toes as she waited for her feet to cool down. She sat up on the edge of the bed. This was the first morning in a while that she didn't feel the usual queasiness of her morning sickness or the urge to run straight for the bathroom to throw up. Unfortunately, though, a haze of fatigue covered her whole body. She just didn't feel like getting up today.

She and JC had had the worst fight they ever had the night before. They had never screamed at each other that way before. Screaming and bouts of over dramatic emotions weren't exactly the most foreign thing to her, but she had never seen him like that, pacing around like a wounded animal, trying to defend himself despite his impending sense of doom. Finally, at two in the morning, he just locked himself in his home studio, the soundproof doors becoming a fortress gate between them. It was the first night where they slept in different beds whilst staying in the same house, implying he had slept. She honestly didn't know.

What she did know, though, was that if their fourteen-month-old relationship was normal, if they were still only dating, last night most likely would have been the night they broke up. But instead they were married, they had a home together and now they were expecting a baby. Things were incredibly complicated.

She paused at the top of the stairs. She took a deep breath, gripping onto the bannister. She started to make her way downstairs to try and fix things. To see if the lion had finished licking his wounds. She heard the leather of the couch ruffle as she stepped onto the bottom landing.
"Are you OK?" she asked the mass underneath the purple, black and white checked throw rug JC kept in the living room.
"Go away."
"What's wrong?" she asked despite knowing exactly what was bothering him.
"I don't want to talk about it. Fuck off."
She carefully sat down on the couch opposite to the one he was lying on. She pursed her lips, trying to find something to say. "Is there anything you'd like to do today?"
"I'm quite fine staying home and just letting you continue to slowly rip my heart out so you can shit on it."

She bit her lip. "I'm not trying to break your heart. I didn't say that I wanted to break up. I just—"
He turned over, cutting her off. "Then why are you sitting around waiting for us to end? Why do you keep threatening to leave me? Why do you keep finding reasons why we should break up?"
"I don't know, OK?"
"What do you mean you don't know? You should know, you should at least have a very basic idea of why you think we won't work out."
"I don't know."
"'I don't know' isn't good enough anymore." He stood up, throwing the blanket onto the couch.
"What am I supposed to do then? Huh? Do you know how many marriages end in divorce? One in two—"
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!" he yelled over the bannister. "I don't fucking care about your statistics, pessimism or your weak fucking excuses. I can't do this anymore if I can't even get one ounce of belief from you that we could make it."
"Baby..."
"NO!...Just no." He left her alone downstairs, retreating to the master bedroom.

She tried everything she could to distract herself as she waited for him to hopefully cool down and find a way to forgive her. She cleaned, dusted and vacuumed every surface downstairs, needlessly changing the sheets in the guest bedroom. She set up her temporary workstation on the kitchen table, loading the audio of her last interview for transcription onto her laptop. She sat trying to listen to the interview with the hip hop mogul starting his own sneaker line, but all she heard was fuzz as she tuned in and out of the conversation, tapping her pencil on the notepad she used to take her notes.

She got up and checked the phone, waiting for the dial tone, scared she would hear him cussing her out to a confidant. But she only hear the dial tone. She tapped in the only number she knew wouldn't be busy at this time on this particular Tuesday.

"Hello?" Claire answered.
"Um...hey," Ellie squeaked out.
"How's my favourite mommy-to-be?"
"I think I've ruined my marriage."
Claire paused. She finally let out a dismayed exhale before she started asking questions. "What did you do?"
Ellie sputtered into tears. "Josh and I had some disagreements yesterday and I told him that I'm still scared that we might not make it and I think that he doesn't want to be with me anymore."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know. But I really think he's starting to lose patience with all of the bullshit he has to deal with for me."
"OK, love. Let me tell you a secret. Love is twenty percent showing up, twenty percent appreciation and sixty percent telling yourself that murder can never be justified. I know I'm over exaggerating here, but so much about holding a relationship down is ignoring the little partially disturbing things."
"Claire, this isn't about finding pubes where you shouldn't ever find pubes. This is about whether or not someone can still be with you if they're starting to believe that you don't want to be with them."
The sound of Claire shifting her weight came over the line. "Did he really say that?"
"He said he can't be with me if I don't believe in us," Ellie explained. "He also said that he can't stay if he has to continue ignoring how volatile my outbursts are getting."
"How are they?"
"They're getting worse. I don't feel in control anymore."
"Do you think maybe you should start seeing a therapist again?"
"Maybe. I'm just never in the same place for long enough."
"That isn't an excuse. Would you say the same thing about your prenatal appointments?”
“I guess not.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Look, Ellie, do you know what Frannie told us in Lamaze?”
“I don’t want to know what Frannie told you in Lamaze.”
“She told us that we need to take care of ourselves as mothers because our well-being is in direct correlation with our abilities to take sufficient care of our babies. Also, babies are like sponges; they know how we’re feeling,” Claire explained. “If we’re relaxed, they’re relaxed; if we’re stressed out, they’re stressed out. This starts in vitro. You know, they’ve proposed that some psychological issues in children could be caused by the emotional state of the mother during her pregnancy.”
“They also say that there’s a link between burned bacon and colon cancer.”
“Ellie! You need to take this seriously, if only for your baby.”
“OK,” Ellie muttered.
“No, Ellie. I need you to promise me that you’ll start seeing a therapist again, OK?”
“OK. I will, I will.”
“OK? Good. I need to go, and you need go fix your shit, OK?"
"OK, bye."
"Bye." Claire hung up. Ellie sat for a moment, sighing and tapping her pencil on her notepad. She stood up and went upstairs.

Ellie knocked softly on the bedroom door.
“…Baby.” She found JC digging through the laundry basket and packing a suitcase. “Why are you packing?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you leaving?”
“I don’t know.”
She stepped into the room. “It’s your house. Shouldn’t I be the one leaving?”
He sat on the edge of the bed in a huff, wiping his forehead. “I don’t want to be here right now.”
“Where?”
“This house…” He cleared his throat. “I feel like we’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“Getting married so soon?”
“Well…yeah.”
She sat next to him. “Sorry…it was my idea to elope.”
“Nah, I proposed. I mean, what was I thinking? We barely know each other.”
“Yeah…” She picked at her fingernails.

She sighed. “I need to tell you something.”
“What?”
“Um…you know what happened with Miles, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I loved him, but I was never deeply in love with him.”
“What does this have to do with the situation?”
“I’m a very inward person. Not a lot of guys notice me. I haven’t dated that many people.”
“Again, what the fuck does this have to do with anything?”
"I'm trying to fucking explain myself."
"OK, fine"—he got off the bed—"try to explain yourself."
"I'm scared, OK? Being with Miles conditioned me to expect the worst out of being in a relationship."
"I'm not trying to—"
"It doesn't matter. I'm still going to be scared. It doesn't matter if you never cheat on me or actively try to hurt me. I've still given you enough power to break my heart. It's not that I think you're going to be unfaithful or whatever; it's just that I'm completely and absolutely terrified that you're going to turn around some day and just decide that you don't want me anymore."
"I'm not going to do that."
"You don't know that; neither of us know that."
"Then why can't you just enjoy this for however long this lasts?"
"Because I just can't shut this off, OK? I can't shut off the feeling that the very worst that could happen to me will. The only difference between this and my fear of getting parasites from uncooked mayonnaise is that we talk about this. We talk about our fears and insecurities within our relationship. You need to listen to me. I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything on this earth. I love you and I trust you and believe you when you say that you'd never try to hurt me, but there will always be something at the back of my head that I'm going to have to be without you one day, and considering the way I feel about you right now, that feels like the most horrific thing I can imagine. Somewhere in me, I believe that if I give you up now, it won't hurt as much as it will when we come to our natural end."

She closed her eyes and calmed her breathing. "I'm sick. I've been dealing with untreated anxiety for a while now and it's slowly been getting worse. When we get back to New York, I need to look into starting to see a therapist again."
He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the right response. "Um...OK."
"What do you think?"
"I don't really know." He sat back down on the bed. "If you really think that it's the best course of action or whatever..." He trailed off.

They sat together in silence.
"I'm not sure how long it's been since things were so awkward between us," she commented.
"Yeah."
"Do you think we're really over?"
"Not really. We could work through this."
"Do you really think we can?"
"I think we're stupid enough to at least try."

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006.
Ellie stood outside the main entrance of Mount Sinai Roosevelt Hospital, checking her watch as she waited for JC to meet her. A little after twelve, a motorcycle passed the entrance, followed by JC trying to balance his helmet on his arm as he walked up to meet her.
"Hey." He leaned as close as he could, trying to find a place for the helmet as he only managed to kiss her lightly on the cheek.
"You're late."
"The appointment's at 12:00; it's barely ten past."
"Yeah, and I'm probably going to need to fill out a new patient form or something in the waiting room."
"And the doctor will still probably be late." He followed her into the building. ”I know you have a hard on for punctuality—"
"Will you fucking stop it?"
"What? I know you like to be early, but every single doctor in the city seems to be late. It won't kill you if you're just a few minutes late."

Ellie sped up, reaching the reception desk. "Hi, I'm here for my 13-week sonogram.”
The receptionist gave her directions up to the radiology department. They followed through up to the third floor, Ellie almost running.
She repeated herself when she arrived at the reception desk of the department. "Hi, I'm Elizabeth Chasez, C-H-A-S-E-Z. I'm here for my 13-week sonogram.”
"OK, great." The second receptionist passed over a clipboard. "Just fill this out, just some basic information, HMO details, etc. Is the father here yet?"
"He's the dipstick trailing behind with the helmet." Ellie scribbled her info down as quick as she could. "Men, no matter where you take them, you need to bring a helmet," she joked.
The receptionist chuckled. "Did you remember what you needed to do for this procedure?"
"Yeah, including the 2 pints of water." Ellie made a urgent smile.
"OK, sit down and I'll see if there's a technician free."

JC sat next to Ellie in the waiting area. He mimicked her in an irate tone. "Oh, you can't take men anywhere without a helmet."
"I'm not in the mood right now."
"What's up your butt?"
"I really, really, really need to pee right now." She bit her lip as she bounced her knee as she waited.
“Then go.”
“I can’t. You need a full bladder so they can see the baby better,” she stressed. “I told you that.”
He remained quiet. “I guess I either wasn’t listening or I forgot.”

A man walked into the waiting area from the hall behind the reception desk. “Elizabeth…Chavez.”
JC looked around the waiting area, seeing if there was anyone else responding. “I think that’s us.” He stood up and gestured for Ellie to follow. “Hey, surname’s ‘Chasez.’”
The technician looked down at the form. “I guess so. Latino?” He led them down the hallway.
“French.”
“Alrighty.” He gestured in a small, dark room containing a exam bed, an ultrasound machine, a chair and a variety of other bits and bobs. “I’m Daryl. I’ll be your sonogram technician. I am required to tell you that hospital policy asks that you don’t film or take any photos of the procedure. We can provide you with a DVD copy of the scan plus photos at your request for a fee. Can you please lie down on the table, ma’am?”

Daryl motioned for Ellie to lift up her shirt. He washed his hands and dried them, taking a long slip of paper towelling from the roll. He folded the stream of paper, swiftly tucking it into her waistband.
“Shit!” she whispered in surprise. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Daryl chuckled. He prepared the machine, taking a bottle from the rack on the cart. “This is going to be a little chilly.” He made a zigzag pattern of clear gel on her lower abdomen, pressing the ultrasound wand below her belly button. Daryl turned to JC. “Can you see the screen clearly?”

JC squinted at the fuzzy black and grey image on the screen. “I guess.”
“Great.” Daryl turned to Ellie, pressing the wand into her belly. “Are you excited to see your baby?”
“Um…yeah,” Ellie stuttered.
“Lovely, there’s the little fellow now.” Daryl pointed to the screen. “That’s the head, the abdomen, spine, leg, arm and cord. Everything looks great. This little flashing thing here is its heartbeat. Do you want to hear it?”
“Yeah…” Before Ellie could respond, a gentle thumping filled the room over the speakers. An unexpected feeling of comfort washed over her, tears coming to her eyes.
“I remember when I first heard my eldest’s heartbeat. It’s an incredible feeling, isn’t it?” Daryl commented.
She nodded her head.
“What’s your estimated due date?”
“November sixth.”
“You sure?”

“Yep, my last period was on the 30th of January. Why?”

“It's just measuring a little above average. No mean to worry. Valentine’s baby?”
“Anniversary actually. We started dating on the thirteenth of February.”
“You couldn’t wait the day? It would’ve been so much easier to remember.”
Ellie lifted her head, trying to look at JC. He smiled, shaking his head.
“No,” they both said in unison.

JC waited on the steps of the Tenth Avenue entrance of the hospital waiting for Ellie, her workbag at his feet.
“Hey,” Ellie greeted him, “I don’t look like I’ve wet myself, have I?”
“You didn’t, did you?”
“No.” She sat down next to him. “I just spent God knows how long trying to wipe all of that gel off. I think I might have left a mark on my trousers when I tried using a wet paper towel.” She slipped a little square envelope into her bag. “That felt weird.”
“Yeah, I don’t know how you’re not freaking out right now.”
“No…well, not that. Everything kind of just happened so quickly that I didn’t really have time to react.” She smoothed down her trouser legs. “I don’t like to make any Beatles-*NSYNC comparisons, but which one was your equivalent again? I know Justin’s the Paul.”
“Justin’s John and Paul. That’s how wonderful everyone thinks he is. He’s both John and Paul.”
“I always thought you were John.”
“No, I’m George, ‘cause you like George and you like me, so I’m George…I’m also the pretty one.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You’re also the secretly-so-much-more-talented-than-John-and-Paul one.”
“Nobody thinks that.”
“I think that.” She lightly kissed his shoulder. “So, if Justin Fartface is John and Paul and you’re George, then that would make Chris, Joey and Lance Ringo, right?”
“Yeah, Joey’s the drummer, Chris is the short, goofy one and Lance is the bass harmony.”
“Seems fair.”
“Why do you ask?”
She paused for a moment, wiping a curl of his hair from the back of his neck. “This is where John Lennon was declared dead; he had already passed by the time he got here.”
“You want to have our baby at the hospital where John Lennon died?”
“Was declared dead,” she corrected him. “Anyway, it’s the best birthing centre in the city.”
“And we do live within walking distance.”
"Yeah...we do." She delicately kissed his ear, trying her best to pretend that she wasn't worried about anything.

Thursday, April 27th, 2006.
The next night, Ellie was just stepping out of the shower as she heard the front door of the apartment open and close.
"You OK?" she called out once she heard JC enter the walk-in leading into the master bathroom.
"Um..." He paused as he wrestled off one of his boots, it falling to the floor with a thud. "Yeah. The single's all mixed and shit. We just need to master the track tomorrow before Alex flies in for Monday. We're starting to talk video treatments and stuff."
"Cool." She started to lather on face wash as he entered the bathroom "Any ideas?"
"Basically I beat the shit out of a car with a sledge hammer, then burn it."
She pressed a washcloth to her face. "Do you want to do that?"
"I don't know. We have until early June to figure everything out."
"Was it your idea?" she asked him through the reflection of the mirror, gazing at him as he hovered behind her.
"Kind of. Alex suggested something industrial yet destructive."

He pulled his shirt up over his head and threw it into the hamper. "What did the OBGYN say?"
"Everything's fine. He says baby's a good size for 13 weeks; there doesn't seem to be any visible abnormalities currently. Basically, I'm on track to have a completely healthy baby."
"He said that?"
"The last bit’s more my impression of what he said, but that's basically the gist of it."
"Anything else?" He took his jeans off, removing his socks.
"If I truly want a completely natural birth, he's referring me to a midwife person...thing. Some woman named Alice. He also said that there are some anti-depressants that are safe to use as anti-anxiety drugs during pregnancy and nursing. Basically he, my general practitioner and my psychologist will corroborate on whether or not I need it and which one's best for me."

He grew tense as he watched her check her face for blemishes.
"You know, it's really great that my capillaries have cleared up," she said in an offhand manner. "I thought all that throwing up had completely fucked my complexion."
"Are we just going to ignore what happened last Monday?"
"We had a fight, we made up, everything's fine now."
"I don't think it is."
"What do you mean?" She walked through to the closet, rifling through a drawer for pyjamas.
"It feels like there's this weird tension between us. Sure, there's still some sweetness there, but there's still some...I don't know, straining there." He leaned against the door frame. "We haven't had sex since Holy Thursday."
"We've gone longer than two weeks before. We only did it twice in between the Oscars and Holy Thursday. I didn't feel like it because of my nausea."
"And you don't think there's anything wrong with that? Last year we were—"
She interrupted him. "Last year we weren't pregnant. Last year you weren't working to the point of exhaustion in the studio. Last year was different, this year is different, just like next year will also be different. We'll have a baby and you'll be off touring and shit. Are you going to use emotional tension as an excuse as to why we're both exhausted from taking care of a baby whilst travelling and performing every night."

They stood in a tense silence.
"Why did you say you were going to leave me before the party?"
"We've talked about this." She walked through to the bedroom, sitting on the bed. "If you keep bringing it up, we'll never move past it."
He followed her. "I only want to bring it up because I want to work through it."
"Everything I've told you is the complete, absolute truth. You're perfect—"
He cut her off. "Yeah, yeah. I'm perfect and you just can't imagine how hard it's going to be to lose me, so you want to give me up now."
"I'm sorry, but that's exactly how I felt. I'm not going to lie so I can have a more valid reason."
"Then why do you want to leave me?"
"I don't! If I did, I would've."
"Then why did you say you would?"
"Because I was scared."
"That's not a good enough reason."
"Why do you want a reason?"
"Because I want to know why you wanted to break my heart!...Again!" He stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door before he started to shower.

She collapsed onto the bed. "Jesus Christ," she mumbled. She straightened herself, crawling under the covers as she started to edit through a printout of an article draft with a red pen. She lifted her head as he emerged from the bathroom.
"Have you cooled down, or do you want to continue this argument?" she asked.
"If we're not going to say anything new, there's nothing to say." He pulled on a pair of sweatpants, climbing over her and into the bed beside her. He put on his glasses and started to flip through a large, well-worn tome of a sci-fi novel.
She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, OK."
"You don't need to apologise."
"Yeah, but you need to hear it." She turned to face him. "I'm sorry. I fell in love with you so hard and so fast that I feel like if the ascent was so quick, the crash is going to be so much quicker and so incredibly painful. I'm scared of what you could do to me. I'm scared of how you could hurt me. Maybe I'm wrong for assuming that you will, but I can't help but feel that way. And you're right. That isn't a good enough excuse to try to hurt you in return, but I wasn't thinking rationally at that time. I wasn't thinking, but I've realised I've made a mistake. And, if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

She placed her work papers onto her bedside table, snuggling into his chest. "Please forgive me."
He sighed.
"Please..." She looked up at him. "Pretty please, with a cherry on top."
"Give me a break."
"Please..."
He sighed again. "Alright."
"Yay." She leaned up to kiss him. "I've been waiting for us to make up."
"Really now?"
"Yep, ‘cause if we make up then we can have make-up sex."
"I mean...I guess that's a thing."
"Really?" She kissed him again. "’Cause it doesn't feel as good when you're pissed at me."
"Baby..." He placed his hands on either side of her face.
"I've been aching for you to come home early enough for us to make love again. I really miss it when we make love." She removed his hands from her face, intertwining their fingers and lifting their arms above their heads as she kissed him. "Please tell me you want to make love again."
He made no response.
"Baby..." She bit his lip. "Daddy, please."
He took his glasses off as he revealed his plan. "If I stay quiet long enough, you'll suck my cock."
"I won't." She sat up, pulling the waistband of his sweatpants down.
"You will. You'll get so antsy that you'll suck my cock until it's hard enough for you to fuck me yourself." He squirmed as she started to run her fingers along the shaft of his penis.
"No, I won't," she lied. "You can't make me."
"No, I can't, but I'm also not going to stop you if you do." He watched her as she played with him, his breathing becoming laboured with every delicate stroke and hard pull she made. "It's been so long since I've had my dick sucked. I'm absolutely aching for it and you're just so incredibly fantastic at it."
She smiled at him, a sinful look in her eyes as she peered through the tendrils of hair framing her face.
He silently asked her again, overextending his tongue over his teeth and top lip as he mouthed the word “please.”

She let go off him, sweeping her hair back as she bent down to take him into her mouth.
"Oh, sweet Jesus..." he groaned as she started to quickly work her mouth up and down the length of his cock. He grasped her face, biting his lip as he watched her devour him. He begged her not to stop as she lifted her head to speak to him.
"Do you want to come now, or do you want to wait until you're inside of me?"
"I was already inside of you."
"I mean in my pussy."
"I don't care." He tried grabbing at the wall above the bedhead as she continued. "I need to warn you though, I'm not going to last long enough for you to get a good fuck out of me if you don't let me come now."
"My clit and pussy are begging for you."
"Stop fucking teasing me and let me come, for fuck’s sake. I swear to God, I will hold you down and face fuck you myself."

She dropped him, slipping her pyjama pants and panties off.
"If you're going to talk like that, either you can finish yourself off, or you're going to have to make me come first."
"Take the t-shirt off," he suggested.
"Why? You don't want to see...all of me, all of this whilst we're fucking."
"I do."
She pulled her bed shirt above her head, leaving herself bare as she kneeled. "You don't have some secret pregnant woman fetish, do you?"
"No." He kicked off his sweatpants. "But I want you to know I still find you sexually attractive despite the fact that you're pregnant."
"You don't need to say that."
"No, but you need to hear it."

She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. "I love you."
"I love you, too." He carefully turned her over, lying behind her as he opened her legs, resting her thighs on his as they lay between hers. He softly and slowly traced his fingertips along the skin of her abdomen, kissing her neck and shoulders as he gently moved his fingers down. He delicately stroked the skin of her inner thigh, taking great enjoyment out of hearing her groan every time his skin brushed against hers. She took his hand, asking him to start stroking her pussy, grasping his fingers as he gently ran each fingertip along the length of her femininity. His stroking became a slow rubbing, increasing in pace and pressure as she ran her feet along his legs. She opened her legs wider, reaching behind her as she slipped his cock into her, grinding her ass into him as she asked him to start thrusting into her. He propped himself up on his elbow, matching each thrust to every stroke. He watched her writhing in pleasure through the mirror of her vanity table. Her body tensed as she gasped. He withdrew when she finished coming. He turned her over, tenderly kissing her as he lay on top of her, re-entering her for the last few thrusts he needed to come.

They held each other for a while.
"Are you done?"
He jolted awake. "Yeah." He turned over, burying himself under the covers.
She crawled into her spot on his chest. "What time is it?"
He looked over at the clock. "Ten past twelve."
"OK."
"OK." He ran his fingers along the slit of her skin left bare by the bedclothes. "My publicist called me today."
"What did they want?"
"They called to inform me that they've being asked if you're pregnant. There's photos of you and your bump circulating around the tabloids. They want confirmation."
"What did you say?"
"I said that I don't comment on my private life."
"What do you want to do about it?"
"I was wondering if it was OK if I put some photos of us out there, a few wedding photos and maybe that photo your mom took of us on Easter Sunday."
"The one where you’re standing behind me?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Where we're holding our hands on my abdomen?"
"Yeah."
"Where it's super obvious I'm pregnant?"
"That's the one."
"Do you want to make an official announcement? I could arrange something with Sam."
"Nah, just something casual outside of the press."
"OK." She pulled the bedclothes over her shoulders. "Suit yourself."