***

December 25th.

"Oh my god! Aria! No way!" Hannah shrieks as she pulls out a brand new pink Michael Kors purse with matching wallet out of the large box I so carefully wrapped. She throws her arms around my neck and I laugh, hugging her back, "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome babe."

The three of us sit huddled around the tree as we exchange our gifts. Momma framed a picture of Hannah and I as children and gave us each one, telling us to always take care of each other. That we're all that each other will have once she's gone. My head still throbs from last night but that ease with myself is still present. It was hard, it'll be hard but I feel as if it'll be easier to live with myself from now on. I rub my forehead, squinting my eyes as I exhale slowly, my mother taking note, "You need some Advil baby?"

I nod, forcing a smile, "Please momma."

She leans over a plants a kiss on my temple, before standing and heading towards the kitchen. A knock sounds as soon as she passes and she stops, turning toward the door to open it. I peer over at my mother, I can't make out the expression on her face. She's smilling some, as if she knows the person but she's sort of... shocked? I don't know, I can't tell. She turns toward me, leaving the door slightly agape as she motions toward me. I stand, glancing back at Hannah before treading over towards her, "It's for you honey."

I let out a small, nervous laugh, "For me? Nobody knows I'm here."

She steps back, allowing me full access to the door and the tall man standing just beyond it. When our eyes lock, my heart stops. Justin stands before me, wrapped in a charcoal gray coat and jeans, hands jammed in his pockets once again, "Hey." Is all I can muster, stepping out onto the porch and closing the door behind me.

He nods his head toward me, smiling awkwardly as he drops his eyes to the ground, "Are you busy?" I shake my head no, grabbing my bottom lip with my teeth, "I uh..." He trails off, clearing his throat, "I'm not exactly sure why I'm here. I couldn't sleep last night after our uh... conversation." He finally looks up at me, those crystal cerulean eyes baring into mine, "I just want to thank you for being so brave and talking to me last night. I know it must have been hard to say all of those things to me."

"I wasn't doing it for me." I say quietly, wrapping my hands around my body.

"I know," he nods slowly, "I um," He runs his hand through his hair, holding on to the ends out of frustration, "I want to apologize."

I shake my head, "Don't do that," I whisper, "Don't apologize to me."

"I have to," He says, closing his eyes for a few moments before glancing to the side, "I said some terrible things. Some really mean things."

"Justin," I whimper, tears pooling up in my eyes.

He holds up his hand, "Just let me talk okay? I didn't sleep at all last night. I was so fucking pissed and confused and... sad," He shrugs, not fully understanding how exactly he should feel, "At first I was angry that you even had the balls to follow me. Almost like you didn't have the right to speak to me. But then your words started to set in and I... I felt so bad," He trails off, his eyes focusing on the wicker chair that sits motionless by the door, "I was scared too. When I woke up that day, I felt like the world was closing in on me. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.. I actually threw up. The thought even ran through my mind that I was making a mistake." He trails off again, taking a breath, "I ran too. I got up, got in my car and just drove. I don't even know where I was going, I was just... driving. It took Trace over an hour to get me to come back. But eventually, I got dressed, and I went to that church and I waited for you because I knew that you were my future." He shifts his cold, blue eyes to mine, "I've thought about what I would say to you when I finally got to see you again, what I'd do and what I'd say and what you'd say. I thought I would feel vindicated in some way by cussing you out and making you feel lower than dirt but, I felt the exact same way that day. How can I blame you for what you did, when I almost did the exact same thing?" He blinks a few times, as if he's coming back into reality and sniffles a little, "I've never told anybody about that." He laughs a little.

I blink a few times, pushing the water that's bubbled up in them beyond the threshold. I rub my cheek my sleeve as the hot tears fall, "I didn't want to guilt you into anything." I exclaim breathlessly.

"You didn't," He answers back, stepping towards me, "I'm not doing it just for you, I'm doing it for me too. I think we've both held on to this for too long and too hard. I have to let it go, so we both can live."

I gasp as he suddenly pulls me into him and wraps his long arms around me, hugging me tightly, "I forgive you," He whispers into my ear, "I forgive you for me and I forgive you for you."

When I hear those three little words I completely lose myself to all the sorrow I've been lugging around. My face breaks and I openly sob into him as I wrap my own arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. God, this man. We stay linked for God knows how long, him swaying slowly back and forth. We've both finally reached the surface of this well we call us. Finally.

We pull apart and my body instantly chills as he warmth fades away. He wipes away his own tears, laughing a little, "God, I hope I didn't ruin your morning."

I shake my head, "No, we were just about done anyway."

He nods slowly, removing his eyes from mine again but still smiling, "I uh, I better get back. I didn't tell mom I was leaving so..."

I nod again rapidly, wiping my face, "Okay. Thank you."

He turns and steps off of the porch, turning back to me, "You were truthful with me last night. I owe you the same thing in return."

I smile sadly, "You don't owe me anything."

"You need stop hating yourself. Please. I'm still here Aria, I made it. And now because of you, I can move on without dragging that part of us with me. You need to do the same. You're too beautiful and too successful to be so damn unhappy with what you've accomplished." I smile sadly as he steps down off the porch. He takes a few steps then turns back slightly, looking at me over his shoulder, "That guy you're with is an asshole for not appreciating you. You're selling yourself entirely too short, kid."

He offers a small smile and turns again, taking off towards home. I watch him as he disappears then turn and head back inside, where Hannah sits, teary eyes on the steps and momma stands off to the side, "What are you crying for?" I ask, laughing a little.

Hannah shrugs, running her manicured fingers underneath her leaky eyes, "I don't fucking know. I'm gonna call Kimberly."

She takes off up the stairs and momma rolls her eyes. She steps towards me and pulls me into another hug, "You okay?"

"Not yet, but I'll get there I think."

She smiles softly, pulling me into the kitchen with her, "You will baby. This is just the first of many good days."

I sigh, "I hope so."

God I hope so.

December 31st.

You could've rolled your eyes
Told me to go to hell
Could've walked away
But you're still here
And I'm still here
Come on let's see where it goes

Charlie and I sit in an empty house. I'm stretched out on the couch in my ugly Dallas Cowboys sweater that Hannah got me for Christmas, black leggins and white socks. Charlie lays beneath me on the floor, my hand haphazardly rubbing up and down his head. I glance up at the clock above the TV and return my gaze to the Supernatural New Year's eve marathon. Hannah tried her hardest to pull me out of the house and join her and her friends at some party down town but I relented. Even momma has plans with her friends tonight. I'm fighting a cold, I guess from crying so much out in the freezing tempuratures these past few days. I just don't have the energy tonight. Plus, I'm kind of enjoying it. I did step out earlier to grab a bottle of Grey Goose that I've been laying into a bit.

Tom has texted me a few times, which I didn't even remotely expect. This isn't the first Christmas or New Years that we've spent apart but he's usually face deep in some other woman's chest by now. It suprising that he's even thinking about me while he's in Chicago. I think I'm going to try harder with him. Sure he's a cheating jerk, but I haven't exactly been giving him one hundred percent of me. I've never tried to love him, I didn't want to. But I'm thirty five and I'm not getting any younger. Hell, I might even start to like him once I decide to give him the time of day. Who knows.

The credits begin to roll and I roll up onto my butt, swinging my legs off the couch and sitting up. I stretch like a cat and stand, shuffling into the kitchen to grab a cookie or two... or four. I top off my glass with fresh ice and grab a Sprite from the fridge and head back to my place on the couch, where Charlie still lays on the floor. I pop the top to the Sprite and pour the glass half full, then turn my attention to the Grey Goose, filling the glass the rest of the way. I swirl my finger around, mixing the contents and then tag a swig, exhaling and humming happily as I swallow the delicious nectar. My face is warm and my head is beginning to swim, just the feeling I was looking for. I cuddle back into the couch and nibble on one of the cookies as Cas, Dean and Sam continue on their adventure.

I must have dozed off because a loud knock sends me into a near heart attack. I wake harshly, sitting straight up, my right hand grabbing onto the back of the couch for dear life. My reaction scares Charlie too, who jumps up and barks a few times as the sudden movement. I put my head in my hands to relax myself, then run my fingers through my hair before standing to my feet. I shush Charlie, who barks again and jog over to the door when the knock sounds again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I throw open the door, my eyes growing wide at the unexpected guest, "Justin."

"Hey," He says softly, smiling at me.

I shift uncomfortably, suddenly embarrassed at what I look like, "Hey."

He runs a hand through his hair, laughing a little, "I don't even know why I'm here I just... I was walking and I ended up here. Is that weird?"

"Kinda, yeah." We share a laugh, "You wanna um... come in?"

I pull the door open a little further and he steps in, "You want a drink or something? I've got some vodka." I ask, pointing towards the kitchen, then taking off towards it, not wanting to face him anymore than I have to.

"Grey Goose, huh?" He asks, shrugging out of his zip up hoodie to reveal a Grizzles t-shirt.

"It is my favorite."

He nods, sitting at the kitchen table, "I know. Remember that night at Cameron's?"

"Oh god," I sigh, handing him a glass and pulling out the chair across from him, "I haven't drank like that since then. That was bad."

We laugh again but an awkward silence falls over us. Justin takes a drink and then plays with the glass, watching it intently, unsure of what to say. We haven't done this in so long. We don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I mean, it's completely understandable, he's changed, I've changed, but it's kinda sad at the same time. I used to love our late night, on the way to McDonalds talks. They were some of the best I've ever had. I should have thought about that before I invited him in... but that would have been rude, I mean, he walked over here. Oh my god, this is a disaster.

"I'm suprised Hannah didn't drag you out tonight. She's quite the party girl I hear." He pipes up, taking another sip.

"Yeah, she tried to. I don't feel that great but it's been kinda nice just chillin' with Charlie. You and Hannah talk at all?" I ask, thumbing at the rim of my glass.

"Nah, not really. Every now and again we'll run into each other at the store or something and we'll talk a little bit but that's really it. Our mom's do most of the talking nowadays."

I nod in agreement, downing the rest of my drink and pulling the bottle toward me to pour another. Justin's watching me and I'm not sure why. I flick my eyes toward him but quickly route them back to my glass, where my pouring hand begins to shake. Stop looking at me! I push the bottle back to the middle of the table and now it's Justin's turn to refill his empty glass, "Um, what do you do?" I ask, trying to break the tension and silence.

"Wow," he laughs, sliding the bottle back towards me, "That's almost as bad as beautiful weather we're having."

I laugh with him, slipping my foot underneath me on the chair, "Don't laugh at me. This is weird, I don't know what to say."

He continues to chuckle, "I know, I know. I'm an architect."

"Wow, that's great. I thought maybe construction or something. You were always so good with your hands."

"Yeah, well, I was going to try and start my own furniture company but one thing led to another and here I am. I like it though. What about yourself? What do you do in that big city?"

"I'm a laywer at George and Stanford. I'm actually up for partner."

His eyes widen at my admission and he sits back in his chair, "Partner? That is great Aria, you don't even sound excited."

I shrug, looking back down at my glass, "I dunno, I am but I'm not. I'm just kinda lost right now, you know? I don't know which way is up."

He nods slowly, "I know the feeling. But, for what it's worth, congratulations."

I giggle, "Thanks." I take another drink, feeling a little more loose as my face begins to heat up, "I don't mean to get in you're business or anything and I apologize if this offends you, but Harper? Really?"

He slams his head back on the chair, drawing a laugh from me, "Who told you that?"

"Hannah, who as you know, is still the town gossip."

He sighs, spinning his glass on the table, " She's a good girl, she really is."

"She's ten years younger than us, Jay." I catch the nickname that slips from my mouth and bite the inside of my cheek a little, unsure of his reaction.

When he doesn't react, I relax a little. He throws his hands up, "Hey, she was legal when we started messing around. I'm in the clear. But yeah, she's great, she really is. We get along." He shurgs.

"Why aren't you with her tonight?"

He shrugs, "She's going to a rave. I'm not down with that shit."

"I mean, rave's are for, you know, high school kids." I shrug, making a face, trying to stiffle my laughter.

"Shut up," He chuckles, "What about Tyler?"

"Tom." I laugh

"Yeah, him too. What's he about?"

"He's in PR. He just transfered to Roc Nation. He's COO of... something," I laugh, "I don't really know."

Justin watches me intently, "Why do you stay?" He asks suddenly, "I mean, you don't even know what he does for a living and you've been together for how long?"

"Five years," I say matter of factly, letting out a breath and tucking some hair behind my ear, "I'm comfortable I guess. I'm thirty five, I don't want to have to start over with someone else."

"But you don't love him, you said so yourself."

I shrug, starting to get uncomfortable with this line of questioning, "I know that." I say, tucking some hair behind my ear again out of nervousness.

"Then why?"

"Why what?" I ask, exasperated, widening my eyes a little as I shift my weight on the chair and glance around the room.

"Why do you stay with him?"

"I said I don't know!" I exclaim, standing from my seat, "I don't really want to talk about this, okay?" I turn toward the refridgerator and head towards it, swinging open the door to look at nothing in particular.

I run my fingers through my hair out of anger again. I exhale, tapping my fingers against the door and biting my lip as I try to calm myself down. This was a bad idea. I shut the door, turn and instantly run into Justin's hard body. I try to back up but I'm pinned between him and fridge. He stands over me, his head cocked to the side as he glances up and down my body, "What are you doing?" I whisper, my chest starting to rise and fall quicker and quicker.

My eyes bounce back and forth between his, my mouth slightly agape as he peers down at me. His hot breath tickles my skin and causes the tiny hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end, "I don't know." He answers, placing his large hand on my side. He pushes me up against the fridge and leans in, his lips mere inches from mine, "I really don't know what I'm doing right now." He whispers, before crashing his lips on mine.

My hand flies to that beautiful head of hair, tangling my fingers in his locks as his tongue breaks through the barrier of my lips. I moan into him as he deepens the kiss, pushing his body into mine. He pushes his hands up into my sweater and I release his lips mometarily to gasp as his cold finger tips scurry across my warm skin. His lips drop down to my jaw line and his instantly finds that spot right behind my ear. God, he still knows. He nibbles a little on my earlobe, then returns to sucking on my neck as my nails dig into his sides. My eyes flutter shut and just as I'm starting to get lost in whatever this is, Charlie barks and my eyes pop open once more. Justin though, is unfazed by the dog and keeps on with his assault.

He pushes me up against the fridge again, removing his hands from underneath my sweater and underneath my arms. In one fell swoop, I'm lifted from my feet, my legs wrapping around his middle as he keeps me suspended, "Justin," I pant roughly as his tongue darts out and slides against my flaming neck, "Justin, what are we doing? What are we doing?"

He pulls back from me, his lips swollen with passion, "Stop talking."

"What about Harper?"

He shakes his head a little, "She doesn't have to know, now does she?" He whispers, "I won't tell her if you don't tell Tom, deal?"

This is wrong, I know it's wrong, he knows it's wrong but it feels so... "Do you feel that?" He whispers, pushing his body into mine a little more and dragging his index finger down my neck and in between my breasts, "That pull inside your chest. Like we're supposed to be here right now?" He whispers, his pink lips so close that they actually brush up against mine while he speaks.

"Oh god," I pant.

"I've walked past this house a thousand times since I saw you Christmas Eve. Like I'm being pulled here by you or something. So don't lawyer yourself out of this. It's one night. One final goodbye and whatever happens, happens. Tomorrow, it'll be a distant memory and you and I can finally say we've moved on."

He drags his thick thumb across my bottom lip slowly and I close my mouth instinctively around it, sucking gently, eyeing him as his mouth falls open. Pure fire is radiating from my body as he pulls me away from the fridge, claiming my mouth as his own once more. He sits me down gently on the edge of the counter, filling the space in between my legs as he digs his hands into my hair on both sides. I pull his lower half into mine, the rough denim of his jeans caressing me through the thin material of my leggins. I roll my hips into him again, the flame inside igniting even more at the friction our lower halves are causing.

He unlocks our mouths and lowers his forehead to mine, his right hand snaking down my body antagonizingly slow. It roams down my neck, then over my right breast, down my stomach and along my right thigh, his finger tips just ever so lightly making contact. He rubs my thigh as I throw my head back, biting my bottom lip as my hips continue to roll slowly into his crotch. He cocks his head to the side, watching me and then runs his fingers over my throbbing center, causing me to jump slightly. He grunts at my reaction to him and smiles as I seperate my legs more for him, allowing him and his deadly hand full access to me. His touch is light at first, my hips buck every now and again to try and get more pressure to my aching core.

"Mmmm, you like that baby?" He whispers, sucking in some air.

"Oh god, yes." I let out, "Oh fuck."

He pushes his thumb against me, causing a deep howl to erupt from me, then continues the circular motion with his index and middle finger. He pulls me to his chest and lowers his hot lips to my neck, sucking, licking and biting as his fingers continue their assault on me. My panties are so wet they stick to my lower half, the wetness beginning to bleed through to my leggings. His fingers are working faster now, more desperate as my breath beings to quicken and my shrieks hit new octives. He stops only momentarily, lifting me from the counter just high enough to jam his hand underneath the rim of my pants and pull them down around my ankles. They fall to the floor as he works my panties down my legs, leaning down to plant a few feather light kisses on my stomach and hips.

His fingers meet my warm flesh and the circle continues slowly as he pulls me to the very edge of the counter before getting down on his knees. I place both hands on his head and let my fingers roam through his locks, dropping my head back as the pangs of excitement bounce off the walls of my body. He dips two fingers inside of me and I let out a deep grunt, throwing my head forward as I pull on his hair. I jump at the touch of his cool tongue a few seconds later, my mouth falling open as my hips instincively start to move against his face. He pumps his fingers into me methodically, his tongue flicking at my center before his lips come down around it, pulling softly at my flesh.

I rock my hips into him, my moans filling up the kitchen as the pressure begins to build in the pit of my stomach. It's as if my body sends him a message, because hs fingers being pumping faster as he flattens his tongue against me, causing more pressure. My hips begin to buck uncontrollably against his assault, the waves threatening to flood the banks, "Give it to me baby," He whispers, pulling his mouth from me, "Give me that sweetness."

"Fuck, I'm close. Oh god, right there Jay, right there!"

He pumps his fingers into me furisouly, his tongue circling me firmly as my hips meet his each and every stride. I moan loudly, my fingers pulling his hair so hard I might pull it out from his scalp. A few more thrusts from those thick fingers and my limit is met. My legs tighten around his head as the orgasm washes over and through me, my hips still bucking wildly into him. Justin continues to work his fingers inside of me, licking my flesh as the small aftershocks continue to ripple through my hypersensitive body. My chest rises and falls roughly, a lazy smiles spreads across my face as I told my weight on my palms. Justin stands and leans over toward the faucet, turning it on and dipping his hands underneath the cool water, slashing it over his mouth and chin.

He returns his attention to me once he's cleaned up, wrapping his arm around my bare waist, "Thirsty?"

I nod slowly and he dips his large palm underneath the stream again, cupping the liquid. He brings his palm to my lips and I lower my mouth to it, sucking up the water before planting a kiss on his large palm. He cups my face then runs his hand down my neck as I straighten up, pulling his body closer to mine with my legs. I throw my arms over his shoulder and massage his neck with my lips, sucking harshly as he grunts lowly. He places his hands underneath my butt and lifts me again, "You're bedroom is still at the top to the right, right?"

"Mm hmm."

He starts up the stairs, making his way to my room like we had so many times before in the past. Once in my room, he drops me on my bed and turns to shut and lock the door, "Your momma is gone for the night?" He asks, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal his chest and abs.

"It's a little late to worry about that, isn't it?" I giggle, pulling my own sweater off and tossing it to the floor.

He unzips his jeans as I reach behind and unclasp my bra, "This feels like old times, doesn't it?" He asks as he saunters over towards me in nothing but his black boxer briefs.

I nod as I toss my bra across the room, "Us waiting patiently for my mom to leave before we ran upstairs." I giggle.

"Hannah would purposfully wait as long as possible to leave with her friends." He chuckles.

"Goddamn Hannah."

I lay back as he climbs on top of me, his lips kissing a trail from the top of my foot to my neck, his gold chain dragging along as it drapes from his neck. When he lowers down ontop of my naked form, I feel him pressing into my thigh. My legs instantly spread as if on cue and he takes his spot in between them. He kisses me again quickly, then arranges my legs around his waist. I reach down, cupping his bulge in hand and massaging him gently, giggling some as his eyes flutter shut, his long, dark lashes resting against his creamy skin. I dip my hands into his the thin material covering his waist and pull them down as much as possible, before grabbing him again.

Justin grabs my hand and guides it up and down on himself a few times, then pushes toward my opening. He stops just as he's about the break the plain and wiggles his hips seductively, teasing me. Just as I'm about to protest, he sinks inside of me, pushing slowly as I adjust to take him all in. I arch my back, pressing my bare chest into his as he pulls back his hips, nearly exiting me fully before sinking back down into me. He nuzzles his face into the side of my neck, my hands roaming up and down his back as he sets his pace. He picks his head up, placing it on my forehead, stealing a kiss a now and again, "I want you on your knees baby."

I nod frantically as he pulls out of me, and scurry to my hands and knees, facing away from him as his hand runs up and down my spine. I feel him positioning himself behind me, the bed dipping in as he gets to his knees. He places his hands on either sides of my hips and presses himself at my opening again, sinking his entire length into me. His pace is a little quicker now, his thrusts more forceful as he grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls, craining my head back as he slams into me. This is just how it used to be all those years ago. Hannah, out with her friends, my mother either taking her weekly grocery store trip or playing bridge with her church friends and Justin and I's bodies crashing into one anothers, our sounds filling my mother's small home.

The pressure begins to fill my stomach again but this time it's rising faster and harder than the time before, "I'm close Jay, oh god, I'm about to come!"

He continues slamming into me, harder and harder with each thrust, touching my spot each and every time in a glorious manner. I slam my eyes shut as I feel my body begin to tighten around him and his thrusts become quicker and more frantic. One last slam and I'm shattering around him, the fire still burning in the pit of my stomach. With a fistfull of my hair still in his grasp, he tugs harshly, my tight wetness coaxing his own juices from him as he finally lets go. We continue to move against each other as he spills himself into me, grunting lowly as he releases my hair and flattens his palms against my back before grabbing handfuls of my ass.

I fall to the matress and Justin flips me over before falling into me, his head resting in the crook of my neck. His fingers begin to traces circles aimlessly around my breasts and nipples, playing with them, causing me to jump slightly. We don't talk for a long time, not because we don't know what to say but because no words need to be expressed. Even if we never see or speak to each other again, nothing needs to be said right in this moment. We both know nothing is going to change, we're both adults. He's going to get up, change and head home to Harper and I'm going to fly home the day after tomorrow to Tom. But, we've made our amends. We visited the past and for about an hour, all was right with us. I cuddle into him a little more as he wraps his arms around me and I close my eyes, exhaling happily.

Happy New Years to me.

***

January 1st.

I crack my eyes open, squinting as the bright sun cascades through the blindes and into my room. I roll over onto my back before sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Justin is long gone. I felt his warmth leave me in the wee hours of the morning. He tucked me in before he left, leaving a kiss on my forehead before decending the stairs and sneaking back home in the darkness. I turn toward my nightstand and notice my phone plugged in and charging, at first confused at how it ended up in my room. I grab it, setting my thumb on the home button, letting it read my print before it opens up into the note pad.

I meant what I said. Start trying to be happy for you.
You deserve it.
J

I drop the phone to the mattress and smile a cheesey ass grin, dropping my head into my hands as I giggle softly to myself. That man is nothing short of a miracle worker, I swear. A noise sounds from downstairs and my heart sinks as the memories from last night flash to the forfront. My underwear and leggings are in the kitchen and either Hannah or my mom could find them and know that something went down.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I scramble quickly, throwing the covers off of me but stop when I see my black leggings drapped over the back of the small chair that sits in the opposite corner. I walk over to the chair and drop my head at the sight of my underwear barely peeking out from underneath my Cowboys sweater. See? I told you, he's a miracle worker.

"Hey Aria, you wanna- oh shit! Why are you naked?!" Hannah screams, throwing her hands up in front of her face.

"Because I'm in my room! God, don't you knock?! Close the damn door!" I scream back, jumping back into my bed and covering myself up to my neck.

"You don't sleep naked, what the fuck?" She asks, closing the door and plopping down on the edge of my bed, "The front door was unlocked when I got home."

I scoff, dismissing her, "Oh please. I got drunk, I guess I just stripped down and passed out."

She eyes me for a minute, trying to catch a look from me but changes the subject when she doesn't get one, "Anyway, can I talk you into staying a few days later? I feel like we haven't spent any time together."

"I've gotta get back. But I promise, I will start coming home more often."

She sighs, standing, "I guess you will now that you and Justin have gotten that obligitory haven't seen you in fifteen years but still have feelings for you fuck out of the way." My face falls at her words as she turns and heads towards the door, "Yeah, so Kim and I snuck in while you were asleep on the couch. We heard the entire thing. Don't worry though," she says, holding the door knob with her hand as she steps through the threshold and into the hallway, "I won't tell mom that you got head in the kitchen."

"How the fuck do you know that happened if you were upstairs the whole time?!" I screetch.

She sucks in some air, "Yeah, so, Kim and I might have snuck downstairs when we heard all the commotion."

"Oh my god." I groan, slamming my head into my hands again.

She laughs wildly, "I won't tell a soul, I promise." She shuts the door behind her and skips down the stairs.

I throw my head back into my pillow, wishing I could melt into it, "Aria!" Momma calls a few minutes later.

"Yeah?"

"Breakfast."

"Alright, give me a minute."

I throw the covers away from me again and change into some comfortable clothes. There's change in the air this morning, even I can smell it. That weight I've been carrying around all these years is gone. I feel as if I've been handed the key to my cell door. And I'm ready to unlock it. I ready to walk out and breathe fresh air again. All because of him.

My Justin.

January 7th.

I don't wanna blow your phone up
I just wanna blow your mind
I don't have to take your heart
I just wanna take your time

I tap away at my computer, leaning back as I finish the email, glancing over it one last time. My hand instinctively runs through my now short, natural hair. As soon as I got back in town, I went to my stylist and cut off every inch of that fake, heavy ass hair. I like it. It's reminiscent of the old, young, free me. Tom doesn't like it, of course, but I don't care what he likes or doesn't like. He was part of the problem. I took care of that situation as well. When I get home today, he and all of his stuff should finally be out and I'll be able to start over completely. The very thing I was afraid of a few weeks ago.

My desk phone rings and I snatch it up quickly, "Yes Missy?"

She sighs, "Tom's here, again." She emphasizes, "What do you want me to do?"

I peer through my glass door, leaning a bit to see Tom standing just in front of Missy's desk. She turns around in her chair to face me, her blue eyes wide, "Send him in please." I say, dropping the phone back in its cradle.

I watch as she slumps her shoulders but twirls back around, stands and escorts him to the door. I stand, smoothing my hands down my pink cardigan and black pencil shirt and then tucking some of my free hair behind my ear. Missy holds open the door, allowing Tom access and then clicks in behind him, offering him a bottled water, "Don't forget, you have a meeting at two." She nods towards me then makes her swift exit.

"What's up Tom?" I ask, exhaling deeply as I lean in for the obligatory hug.

He hugs me back, before tucking his hands into the pockets of his Tom Ford suit. He's a great looking man, very Tom Brady-esque if you ask me. Tall, slim but muscular, impeccable bone structure and deep set, hazel eyes, "Can we talk?"

I lean back onto my desk, resting my weight on the edge, "About?"

"Us. Five years, down the drain, just like that?" He asks, cocking his head to the side a little.

I nod, "Yes. You don't love me, I don't love you. Why are we wasting each others time?"

"That's where you're wrong, I do love you. I haven't been the greatest man in the world, that I know, but I love you. I want to make it work." He grabs my hands, placing them to his lips and runs them over my chocolate skin, "I miss you baby."

I sigh again. I know what's best for both him and I but he's not making it easy on me. I want to believe him. Those puppy dog eyes are his best asset. I did say that I was going to try and make it work... but that was before Justin. Not that I'm secretly waiting for him to show up and whisk me away or anything. But he freed me from... me. I want to enjoy that freedom, "We had good times Aria. We can get back to that, I promise you."

"That was a long time ago Tom, maybe we can't get back to that."

"But we can. I've cut it off with Samantha, I fired her this morning. I've changed my number and blocked her email addresses. I'm ready to start fresh, with you."

I laugh a little, glancing around him, "You've cut if off with just Samantha? What about the other ones? How am I supposed to trust you? We both know that she wasn't the only one."

He slumps his shoulders, his hazel eyes bouncing back and forth between my dark ones, "I'm done with that, I swear." He grabs a strand of my hair and twirls it around his finger, "I'm starting to like this look."

I smile genuinely, standing up and hugging him again, "Tom, I think this is for the best. But thank you for the compliment."

He pulls away from the hug, grabbing my hands in his again, swinging them slightly, "I'm not done, baby. I'll win you back, you'll see." I laugh at his tenacity, crossing my hands over my chest and he walks towards the door, turning back towards me, "I've got to head to Miami for a few days, can I call you when I get back?"

I nod, "As a friend, yes, you can."

He leaves me with a toothy smile before he disappears down the hall. Missy rushes in behind him, iPad and manilla folders in hand, "You okay?"

I nod, smiling, as I push away from the desk, "I'm fine, thank you."

She nods and returns to business form, having me sign a few documents and alerting me to a few new clients that are coming on board that Paul wants me to personally handle. That's actually the next thing I need to handle. I follow Missy out onto the floor and hook a left, making my way toward Paul's large office just down the hall. I make my over to Jason, his receptionist and ask if he's available.

"In fact he is, you can go right on in Aria."

I mouth a thank you and push through the large door, smiling and waving a little at Paul as he finishes up his phone call, "Aria. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asks, walking toward me and extending his hand.

I shake it lightly and swallow harshly,  here goes nothing, "Actually, I just need to speak with you for just a minute. It won't take long."

He motions toward one of the chairs in front of his glass desk and I take a seat, waiting for him to plop down in his large, rolling chair, "What's up?"

I tuck my hair behind my ear and take a breath, "I um, I wanna thank you for considering me as partner. That is a huge acknowledgment that I know you and your partners don't take very lightly. I just... I haven't been having a very easy time lately and I don't know if I can take on such a large investment like partner right now. I don't want to get into specifics really, but I'm thinking about taking some time so I can sort things out. You've invested so much time and effort into me and I truly appreciate everything you've done but, I just... I need a break for a while."

I don't make eye contact with him, I just stare down at my hands as the words fall from my lips. I slam my eyes shut and wait for him to throw me out of his office and the building but his voice surprises me, "You know, my wife and I just vacationed in Saint Barts. Have you ever been?"

I shake my head, "No."

"Hmm well, it's beautiful there. Lush, green trees, gorgeous blue water and the beaches are so white and clean that you'd think its fake quite honestly. One night, while my wife and I were walking along the beach, I looked over at her and couldn't help but notice at how much she had aged. It seemed like only yesterday she was the beautiful, young, raven haired knockout I met at my favorite coffee shop. And then I realized, my kids are in their thirties and forties, and I can't remember the last time I've seen one of them. I looked down at my hands and saw my grandfathers," He laughs, pulling his green eyes back to me, "Do you know why I'm telling you this?"

"I think so, yeah." I nod, biting my lip.

"I blinked and my life passed me by because I was so wrapped up in this," He throws his hands up in the air, "You have to live while you're young so you don't regret it when you're my age. I wish I had just went home and played football with my son or left early to see my daughter in one of her recitals. Those are things that you don't get back. My kids look at me like I'm a stranger but yet my colleagues, like you and Doug and Bobby, look at me like a father. Isn't that ironic?" He stands from his place behind his desk and walks around towards me, taking a seat right next to me, "How ever long it takes you, you'll have a home right here, with us, as partner."

I let out a breath, smiling at him in relief, "Thank you so much Mr. George."

"You've earned it, kid. Plus, I don't want another firm snatching you away from me."

We both stand, shaking hands again, "I'll finish out the week and transfer all of my clients to Bobby, it that's okay?" I ask as he walks me towards the door.

"Don't you worry about a thing, I'll handle it. You just go, figure out whatever you need to and hurry back. Jason, I need you coordinate with Missy and go through Aria's files, prioritize them and set up meetings with the heads of the accounts later this week."

Jason nods and picks up his phone, dialing Missy's extension, "Thank you so much Paul, I mean that."

He smiles warmly at me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "From one workaholic to another, enjoy yourself, for both of us."

I turn and head back towards my office, a smile plastered on my face during the entire walk. I call Missy into my office and explain Jason's impromptu call to her fully. She's shocked but happy for me, telling me that when I return, she'd love to return to being my receptionist. She makes me promise to call on occasion and I make her promise to always make time for her husband, that it'll haunt her one day if she doesn't. I log out of my computer for the last time, tucking my chair underneath my desk, then wrap up in my jacket, throwing my purse over my shoulder. I hug Missy one last time, thanking her for all of her hard work and dedication to me at all hours of the day and night and head toward the elevator.

I step out onto the street a few minutes later and stop, another smile spreading across my face. I take a deep breath of New York's thick, dirty air and tilt my head back, enjoying this major win. I head home slowly, leaving my car in the parking garage and choosing to walk. For the first time since I've been here, I actually admire the city's beauty. I was usually too busy, with my head buried in my laptop or lost in my lapses in time. I stop by a street cart and grab a sandwich before heading to Central Park and taking a seat at one of the many benches. I chew slowly and watch as mothers, doctors, lawyers, college students and children hurry by, some in groups, others alone. I wonder how many of them are like me; lost and continuing to drown in their own sorrows but putting on a brave face.

After I finish my sandwich, I stand and continue my route home, finally reaching my empty apartment. I shed my clothing and head immediately into the bathroom, where I draw a bath, complete with bubbles. I pour myself a glass of wine before slipping into the warm water. I spend a good, long while in the tub, draining the entire bottle of red wine before climbing from the garden tub and wrapping myself in my robe. I plop down on my bed, pulling open my laptop and grabbing my phone, dialing Hannah's number.

"What's up sis?" She answers.

I put the phone on speaker and set it down, returning my attention to my computer, "What are you doing?"

"Not much, I just got home from work. What are you up to?"

"I'm booking a flight." I answer, scanning the website for a one way ticket.

"Oh?" She questions, "To where?"

"Tennessee."

She's silent for a minute and I can almost hear her brow scrunching up, "Um, why? For work or something?"

"Nope," I let out, selecting a flight for seven p.m. this evening, "I requested some time for the rest of the year. I'm coming home for a while." She silent again, but this time long enough to make me think she's hung up on me, "Hannah?"

"Are you drunk or high? Did you get fired?"

"No," I laugh, grabbing my phone and heading towards the closet to change, "I told my boss that I needed some time for me. I need to detox and find out who I am. I haven't been me in a long time."

"Oh my god, that's so... me. What did Justin's dick do to you?"

I laugh wholeheartedly, for the first time in years, "Shut up. Don't tell momma though, I want to surprise her okay? Pick me up tonight."

"Tonight?! Holy shit, you're not wasting any time are you?"

"Nah, I've been wasting time my entire life. It's time for me to start doing something."

Hannah giggles into the phone, "Thatta girl! When do you get in?"

"Nine fifteen, flight 2834." I say, finishing the checkout through Expedia.

"I'll be there babe."

I smile, "Thanks Hanny. I love you."

"I love you."

We hang up and I toss my phone back to the bed, pulling a shirt over my head and jumping into a pair of tight jeans. I'm not even going to take anything with me. I'm just going to start completely over. Well, except for my shoes... I'll send for those later. I take care of a few loose ends, cancelling the paper, cleaning out the refrigerator and alerting my landlord that I'll be gone for a while but my rent will be paid. I place a call to Missy, who has a spare key to my car and ask her for one last favor to bring it to my apartment. I tap my fingers against the counter top, going through my mental list, making sure I've covered every avenue.

When I'm content that everything has been handled, I call for a cab and head towards the airport for the second time in as many weeks. But this time is different. Instead of being full of despair and hate, I'm filled with joy and happiness. I'm not afraid of what's next, or even to go home and be home for a while. I'm ready for whatever. I bypass the bars and restaurants in the airport and grab a coffee, bouncing my way to the gate. I cross my legs and wait for them to start boarding and I glance through my phone, sending text messages and scrolling through twitter. I jump up excitedly when I hear the gate agent announce that they are beginning boarding and hand over my ticket, smiling and thanking the young girl as I board.

Instead of sleeping the flight away, I jot down notes in my phone of all the things I want to do and cities and countries I want to visit while on my permanent vacation. Maybe I can convince Hannah and momma to come with me. That would be fun. Once the plane touches down, I'm one of the first people to deplane, hell, I'm practically running through the tunnel and into the airport. Unlike a few weeks ago, my head is up and a slight smile is plastered on my face. I make my way through the airport and venture outside, searching for my sister's Mustang. I dig out my phone from my purse, lightly pressing my finger on the home button to unlock it, but don't see any texts from her. It's not unlike Hannah to be late. I should have expected it actually. Hell, I should have told her to be here eight as a buffer. I plop down on one of the many benches, pull out my iPad and begin farming away on Hay Day.

An hour has now passed. I've called her four times, I've texted her about twelve times, which the last five or six have been rather nasty. I'm freezing my ass off, I'm starving and on a scale of one to ten on the pissy scale, I'm at a twenty. I slam my thumb on her name in my contacts again and it rings and rings, before her voice mail picks up.

"This is the last goddamn time I rely on you for anything Hannah! I can't believe you! I'm calling a cab, so don't bother."

I end the call and am about to dial a cab service when a black truck pulls up in front of me. I glance up quickly as a tall man steps out of the drivers side and jogs around the front towards me. I look back down at my phone but then shoot my eyes towards the man again, "Justin?"

He gives me a lopsided smile and pulls me into a hug, "Hey kid."

"What are you doing here?" I ask breathlessly, pulling away from the hug a second later, "Hannah was supposed to pick me up."

"Yeah, she called me about a forty five minutes ago, something came up at work and she had to go back in. You have any bags?"

Now, I should be glad that she at least managed to get somebody to come get me but this pissy attitude decides to overlook that point, "It took you forty five minutes to get here? Its fucking freezing, and no, I don't."

"I know, I'm sorry." He rubs my arm, trying to generate some heat for me, "I was in the middle of a late dinner meeting."

I roll my eyes and glance off in the distance, "Forty five minutes though?"

He chuckles, pulling me towards his truck and helping me in before jumping into the drivers seat, "Man, you are still mean as shit! At least that hasn't changed." I sigh loudly, annoyed at his comment, and he laughs even harder at me, "I was downtown! I'm sorry. As soon as she called me, I called one of my associates to come in and take over for me. I had to wait for him to show up before I could jet. I'm sorry, I really am."

I look over at him, running my fingers through my hair, "You didn't have to do that, I guess." I mumble.

He smiles again, "I dropped everything for you."

I look over at him as his words wash over me. I dropped everything for you... A smile creeps across my face as he brings the truck to life, pulling away from the curb, "Thank you Jay."

He shrugs, pulling off into the night, "You hungry? I didn't get to eat at my meeting cuz, you know, I had to pick somebody up from the airport."

I laugh, punching him lightly in the arm, "Shut up. I'm starving."

He cuts his eyes towards me for just a second before he focuses back on the road, "Mels' for a cheeseburger and strawberry shake?"

"You still remember?" I ask whimsically, smiling like an idiot.

He chuckles that low chuckle of his and pats my leg with his large palm, "Of course I still remember. Extra cheese and bacon on the cheese fries."

I moan, "Oh my god, that sounds amazing! I can already feel myself gaining weight though."

It grows silent between us but it's a comfortable one, "I'm glad you're home kid." He says after a few moments, "Maybe we could work on being friends again. I really have missed you."

I smile again, looking down at my manicured fingers, "I'd like that. I've missed you too." I say, nodding slightly.

He smiles, patting my leg again but this time, he lets his hand linger just a tad before he removes it from me. This just may be the beginning of something beautiful. This moment, right now, is what I've been feigning for, for the past fifteen years. Not just with Justin, but with me, my career, my outlook on life and love. This is peace. This is recognizing that sometimes, it's not all about me and what I want or feel. Sometimes, you just have to go with the flow of this busy current we call life.

Sometimes, you just have to take your time.

We make our way to Mel's and memories begin to flood the banks of my mind as soon as we hit the door. We had our first date here. He proposed to me a few years later beside the lake after we had dinner here. Justin ushers us back to our booth, the one where we sat each and every time we ate here and waits until I'm seated before he slides in, in front of me. We don't even have to look at the menu. When the red headed high school girl works her way over, Justin orders our usual, as if we ourselves had just walked in after a long day at school.

A few minutes later, our food arrives, hot and steaming and I don't dare waste a moment before popping a few french fries in my mouth, "Oh my god, that's so good." I moan, closing my eyes and letting the cheesy goodness explode in my mouth.

Justin chuckles before taking a bite into his Philly Cheese steak sandwich, "How long you in town for? You miss us that bad already?"

"For as long as I want," I shrug and he flicks his eyes up at me, "I got a wild hair up my ass today and told my boss that I needed a break," I laugh, "I don't even know what I'm going to do. I'm probably gonna sleep for a week."

He chews slowly, leaning back into the booth while he eyes me, "You seem different somehow."

"Oh yeah?" I ask, smiling slowly.

He nods, "The hair, which I dig, by the way. This attitude, the confidence. It's great."

I laugh nervously, tucking some hair behind my ear, "I'm trying." I whisper.

"Keep it up, it's working for you."

I pop a few more fries into my mouth before changing the subject, "No Harper tonight?"

"I told you, I was working when Hannah called me."

I scoff, "Don't play with me," I laugh, "I know what dinner meetings are. You usually bring your significant other to help impress the client."

He shrugs, "Ah, you know your shit."

"I've been in corporate America for a very long time, sir."

"Well, there's a good reason that she wasn't with me tonight."

"Oh yeah? What is the reason? Because let me tell you, Tom and I didn't even like each other and we still went to each others dinner meetings."

He takes another bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly, and taking a sip of his coke, "She broke up with me. Apparently, I'm too old for her because I didn't want to do couples Pilates."

I eye him cautiously but can't help that a big ass smile spreads across my face, "I'm sorry." I say, trying to sound concerned but failing as a laugh escapes, "Couples Pilates though? Really?"

He smirks back at me, a twinkle in those pretty blue eyes of his, "That's what I said! It was supposed to help us bond and create a deep, spiritual connection and blah blah blah." He rolls his eyes, "Pilates doesn't create a bond, and I'm not about to prance around with my ass in the air. I don't know, it turned into a huge fight and she just said that she didn't wanna be with me anymore because I and I quote, am acting like an old man, end quote." We share a laugh before he speaks again, "Maybe I'm old school, but if you feel like we need Pilates to create a bond with one another, maybe we have bigger issues."

I shrug, "You got a point there."

He matches my shrug, popping more food into his mouth, "I'm not though, by the way."

"You're not what?" I ask, a little confused.

He glances back up at me, smirking a bit, "I'm not sorry."

I pop another french fry into my mouth, a smile still playing on my lips. For whatever the reason, I'm not sorry either.

Fin?