Where Are You Christmas?

"If there is love in your heart & your mind
it will feel like Christmas all the time."

I'm having a hard time feeling it this year. It's like all my excitement for the Holidays just up and left me this year. I don't know why. I'm usually the biggest advocate of listening to Christmas music starting on November 1st and here it is three days before Christmas and I have yet to hear a single chorus of "Jingle Bells". The thought of Christmas shopping makes me cringe and having to make Christmas cookies makes me gag.

I really don't know what's wrong with me. I've turned into a complete Grinch. My friend Justin has already picked up on it since I haven't brought my famous sugar cookies down to him and the boys at the Sheriff's department.  He works for the Shelby County Sheriff's Department as a Training Coordinator. I much prefer him doing that to being out in the field as a Deputy. In today's society, it's just not safe for cops out there. I'd never say it to his face that I like him being in an office instead of in the field ‘cause he'd say I was overreacting but...I sleep better at night knowing he's safe. At least he got to keep the uniform...but that's a whole other subject.

Three days before Christmas and I still haven't bought any presents. The stores are jam-packed with people, looking for the best deal and over-spending entirely. When did Christmas become more about how many gifts you get and making sure you get to the stores at 5am for the best deals on the hottest new electronics? I've got seven people to buy gifts for with no inspiration on what to get for any of them. I'm going to my parents for Christmas for the first time in ages and my niece and nephew will be there with my sister and her husband. All I really want to do is just hide away until New Year's when I can break out a bottle of bubbly and forget the whole season.

I'm shoved out of the way in the aisle, AGAIN, and I heave a sigh. Looking around at my chaotic surroundings I decide to just...not. I'm done. I leave my cart in the middle of the aisle, the few things I'd come into Target to pick up that I needed at home, left inside for someone to put away. People are giving me evil stares as I abandon my purchases but I don't care; maybe there's something in there they'll need.

As I'm walking out of the store my phone starts ringing shrilly to the sound of Taylor Swifts "Last Christmas". I glare at the phone knowing full well that someone had kidnapped my phone and changed the ringtone. The very same someone who was calling me. "Justin..."

He laughs softly. "I see you heard your new ringtone. Whatdya think?"

I groan. "I hate it."

"You love it. Where are you? Are you busy?"

He's antsy; I can hear it in his voice. "Leaving Target."

"You sound thrilled. Did you get anything accomplished?"

I fish my car keys out of my purse and click it to open. The leather groans in the cold as I slide into the seat. "I left my cart in the middle of an aisle. That's how accomplished I am."

"You didn't!"

"I did. I'm over it. Everyone's getting a card for Christmas. If that..."

"Well, hurry up and go home. I did something for you!" I can hear his car start in the background and wonder what in the world he's up to. "Aren't you just leaving work?" I ask.

"No. I let the new recruits leave early since its Christmas. I'll get ‘em extra hard when they come back."

I have no doubt that he will. He didn't get to be a training coordinator by being the nice, laid back kind of guy. He got things done when they needed to. "So what'd you do with your day off then?"

"Mmm...you'll have to go back to your place to find out."

Now my interest is really piqued. "Ok, ok. I'm going. I'll be there in 10. Are you going to be there too?" I had given Justin a key to my apartment a few months back after letting him take care of my cat while I was on vacation. It had turned out to be the best decision I'd ever made because I'd found him in my house on more than a few occasions, making dinner after I'd had particularly bad days at work. We'd be the perfect couple if he'd ever open is eyes and realize it. But for now, I'm content with just being his friend. It's better than nothing, right?

"I will be. I just had to run out and pick up some dinner for us."

I suppress a sigh. I need him to stop being so perfect. "It better be good. I've had a hell of a day. Trying to Christmas shop after a 10 hour day was a terrible idea."

"Duh. Now stop talking and driving. I'll see you soon!"

He hangs up before I can say bye and I'm left in my quiet car with my thoughts swirling about what he could have possibly been doing at my place. The other thing I'm contemplating is the conversation I need to have with him about whether or not he'll come home with me to my parents for Christmas. I know he's got the next few days off and I kind of already promised my mother I was bringing someone home. Oops.

                I pull into my driveway minutes later to find his Sheriff's car already there and I all but leap out of my car and to the front door. I don't know if its curiosity or excitement that has me racing to get inside. The second I have my key in the lock, Christmas lights are turned on outside that have been strung from my porch and hung around my window.

                "You have got to be kidding me," I mumble to myself as I turn the key. He's behind the door and pulling it open to usher me inside. "Justin..."

                He grins sheepishly at me and grabs my purse from my hands and tosses it on the bottom step of the stairs...which he's hung with garland. "Now...I know you've been a little...ok maybe a lot...Grinchy this year so I decided I'd try to change that for you. SURPRISE!"

                I let myself glance all around the entryway to my house with my mouth agape. While I was working hard all day at the hospital and he was...not doing his Sheriff duties, he was decorating my place. The wreath was hung, the garland up...the only other thing he possibly could've done was...

                ...the tree. He all but shoved me into my living room where a giant Christmas tree, all strung with lights, stood next to my fireplace. "Do you like it?" He asks and I'm utterly speechless. He's making it incredibly hard for me to be "Grinchy" right now; and even harder for me to not be attracted to him. I'll say it again...he can't get any more perfect.

                I sink into the couch by the tree and stare at it. "Is it real?" I question as I reach out to feel the needles and a few come off on my fingers. He nods and plops down beside me. "Yep. Doesn't it smell amazing? I love the smell of real trees. Bob down at the Christmas tree farm had it set aside for me since yesterday when I decided to do this."

                "But why did you?" Curling my knees up under me, I situate myself on the couch to look at him. He shrugs. "You've been having such a bad time this year; I just wanted to do something to make it a little bit better."

                I'm dying inside. Slowly. "You are really the best, Justin. You didn't have to do this for me. Especially since I won't even be here to enjoy it this year." He reaches into a bag beside him on the couch and pulls out a Santa hat and puts it on his head. "But we're here now. Might as well enjoy it, right?" I laugh at how dorky the hat looks on his head before he tugs one into place on mine. "Now we match. Are you hungry? I figured we could eat and then decorate the tree. I'm assuming you've got ornaments somewhere in this place."

                I watch as he gets up off the couch and saunters into the kitchen, looking like he all but owns the place himself. For as little time as we'd known each other, he sure looked comfortable here. "In the garage, I think. What's for dinner? I'm starving." My spot on the couch gets abandoned as I join him in the kitchen, getting out plates and silverware for us to use. He'd picked up Chinese takeout from our favorite place and the smell of the sweet and sour pork made my mouth water.

                We situated ourselves on the ground in front of the coffee table and turned on "Christmas Vacation" to watch, quoting the movie all the way through. Afterwards, he made us hot chocolates with extra marshmallows to drink while we decorated the tree.

                "I hope this helped pull you out of your funk." He's got silver tinsel in his hands and he's throwing it at the tree like confetti, getting more on the ground than on the actual tree and I know it'll take me months to get it all picked up. I smile at him as I add another miniature candy cane to the tree and nod. "It has. So much so that I think I may even bake some cookies for you guys at the station and bring them by tomorrow." His eyes light up and then he pouts. "I won't be there tomorrow, though."

                "Well, you'll get plenty of them at my parent's house." The sentence is out of my mouth before I can stop it and now it's too late and I'm going to have to ask him.

                "What do you mean?" The tinsel gets dropped into the box and Justin takes a seat on the couch, patting the spot next to him. I take it slowly, grabbing my mug of hot chocolate from the table. He looks confused and I'm suddenly really nervous.

                "Sooo...I kind of have an awkward question to ask you. And you can say no, but...I'm going to have to punt if you do." I'm trying my best to use my most convincing smile on him because I really need him to agree.

"Why do I feel like me agreeing to do something for you is going to end up being a huge pain in my ass?" He lolls his head to the side on the couch to look at me, twirling a candy cane around in his fingers.

"Probably because I am your personal pain in the ass." I grin. "You're right about that. I should've known it the day we met at the bar after my shift was over."

I can't help but giggle. The night Justin and I met, I was falling down drunk at Mik's, the local bar in Millington that everyone frequented after work. Justin came strolling in just as I was stumbling out, decked out in his Sheriff's uniform, and basically saved me from face planting in the doorway. We'd been friends ever since; mostly because he drove me home in his cop car so I wouldn't drive drunk. The morning after he showed up on my doorstep with coffee and Advil and the rest is history.

"Ok...what's this proposition? You have me curious." His voice breaks into my thoughts and I hug my mug of hot chocolate to my chest as I think over how to ask him to be my pretend boyfriend for Christmas at my parent's house. I'd accidentally blurted out to my family during Thanksgiving, while trying to live up to my sister's accomplishments with her big family that I would be bringing someone home for Christmas. Terrible mistake because then they had a million questions about my new "mystery man" which led to me showing them all a picture of Justin. Now I couldn't go back. There was no bringing home another random stranger; it had to be him.

He was going to think I was insane. But he didn't know my mother. From the second I'd uttered that I had found someone important enough to bring around the family, visions of wedding bells and more grandchildren were dancing behind her eyes. I hate to disappoint her. My dad I can deal with; my sisters too, just not my mom.

I heave a sigh and just go for it.

"WillyoucomehomeforChristmaswithmeandpretendtobemyboyfriend?" I rush out all at once because there's really no other way to do it. I find myself squinting one eye at him, my face scrunched in the most unattractive way. He's looking at me like I have two heads.

"Say that one more time...maybe with a breath somewhere in there?" His mug is discarded onto my coffee table and he leans in closer to me. "I need you to come home with me for Christmas and be my pretend boyfriend for my family." I repeat, holding my breath and hoping that he says yes otherwise I'll never hear the end of this from my family.

"You're kidding right?" he laughs. "You realize that sounds ridiculous. They'd never buy it from us." I have to say that I'm hurt he thinks that way. We're already the perfect couple we just don't do other couple-y things. Like kiss or hold hands or cuddle. Which could potentially be weird if we're forced to do it.

"Welllll...they've kind of already seen a picture of us together." His brow furrows and he glares at me. "So what you're saying is I can't say no. Ryann...I'm not a good actor. I'll totally blow the whole thing for you."

"It'll be fine. You don't have to act like you're in love with me. Just...act like you like me." I swallow what's left of my hot chocolate and get up from the couch. "I need alcohol, like wine...or whiskey. Yes, whiskey."

"Make that two. We may be here for a while tonight. You're going to have to fill me in on your family and we need to come up with a story on how we got together."

The bottle of Jack Daniels is already open and I pour two large glasses of it for us over some ice. "Why can't we just be honest about that part? We met at Mik's when I was a drunk ass and you swooped in in your manly Sheriff uniform and saved the night and drove me home." The liquor burns my throat on the way down but it warms my insides and I hand him his glass before I sit back down. "Yes, ‘cause that's romantic." He says as he takes his own sip. "Ahhh, that's good. I may have to crash here tonight if we keep this up."

"Not like you haven't before."

"True."

"So, does this mean you'll do it?" I ask, hoping the conversation we're having is an indication that he's already made up his mind.

"I guess so. But if they suspect anything, I'm not denying it and you've gotta tell them the truth."

Before I can stop myself I squeal and throw myself into his lap, hugging him tightly. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" He laughs softly and pats me on the back. "You owe me huge now, Ry."

Don't I know it?

We spend the next few hours drinking more Jack and filling each other in on any important information we didn't know about each other. Which was a lot. I hadn't really thought about how long he and I had been friends because it seemed like forever to me. When he pointed out that it had only been less than a year since we'd met, I didn't believe it.

                I woke up some time around 4am, still on the couch with my head in his lap while he was awkwardly slumped over onto the armrest. One of his hands was tangled in my hair and my left hand was asleep from having it in an unnatural position. I blinked to try and see in the darkness and realized that I'd consumed a lot more whiskey than I had intended.

                I didn't want to wake Justin with him snoring ever so quietly but I knew if I didn't he would be in some serious pain in the morning. Poking at his stomach lightly, I tried to ease him from sleep. Instead, he snorted and jolted upright. "Wha-oh my God, how'd we drink so much?" he mumbled. With my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see him rubbing his temples from my upside down position on his lap. "I don't know. But I'm crawling into my bed, even though you're quite a good pillow."

                He yawned and helped me sit up before standing slowly himself. He pulled me up after, "I'm joining you." He was headed towards the upstairs before my brain could even process what he was saying. "You're...huh?" I followed after him.

                "Joining you." We climbed the stairs slowly, me trying to figure out what made him want to join me in bed. He'd crashed at my place dozens of times before but he'd never slept in my bed.

                "Uhh...why?"

                "Bed's more comfortable than the couch." He said as he flipped the light on in the room. "Besides..." he stripped his t-shirt off and started tugging the covers down. I could only stare at him and the bare expanse of chest and stomach and arms that he'd just revealed. How was I supposed to sleep with that beside me? "We're probably going to be in the same room at your parent's house and I am not about to sleep on the floor there." The idea did have some merit. Suddenly my idea of bringing him home was turning out better and better for me.

                "I'm gonna change. Make yourself comfortable." I padded across the room and into my closet to get into my pajamas.

                "What do you sleep in?" Peeking my head around the corner of my door I smirked at him. "A cotton nightgown. Don't get too excited." He was already under the covers and gave me a cheshire cat grin with the sheet tucked under his chin. "One can only hope." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes before disappearing back into the closet.

                "What do you usually..." I called out as I tugged my nighty into place.

                "Nothing." He wriggled his hips beneath the covers and my eyes instantly dropped downwards to them. "Don't' worry...you're safe for tonight."

                "Thank God." I laugh as I turn the light off beside the bed and climb under the covers with him. "That may change at your parents. I like the idea of getting caught." He replies, that same mischievous tone in his voice.

                "What did I get myself into?" I groan.

                "If you only knew..."

                I stifle a yawn and try to get comfortable. It's a feat because I am all too aware that there is a warm body next to me and that I cannot do anything about it. I pray for control before I finally relax myself enough and I fall asleep.

*

                We wake up the next morning completely entangled in one another. My legs are twined with his, one of my arms thrown across his stomach and his arm holding me to his side. I don't ever want to move. I lay completely still; I can't tell if he's awake yet or not. And then his stomach grumbles in hunger and we both laugh. I'm gonna have to move.

                "Uhh...how'd I end up in your bed?" he asks, shifting ever so slightly so that we're not so on top of each other. "You didn't want the couch." I respond, poking him in the stomach. "Right. Well...your bed is pretty comfortable. If I crash here again, you may have a bed buddy."

                "No way. You're a cover hog!" To emphasize my statement, I tug on the covers, the majority of which are on him. "You better get used to it. You're stuck with me for the next few days." He grins before reaching up and tugging on my ponytail.

                Before I know it, he's rolled over and is out of bed. "I've gotta run into the station to get some paperwork submitted, you wanna come with me and then we can get some lunch?" I watch as he tugs his t-shirt down over his chest. I was really sleeping next to that all night? "Sure...just let me get ready real quick and we can go. We taking your car?"

                "You just want to ride in the cruiser, huh?"

                "Duh." I roll myself out of bed, shuffling into the closet to retrieve clothes before I shower. When I get out, Justin's already dressed in his uniform, a sight that I don't mind in the least. Too bad he's ditched the holster today. There's something about all the power he has while he's in uniform that is so sexy.

                "So office and then food. You hungry for anything specific?" He asks. "Right now? After all of the Jack last night...I want grease." His eyes light up. "We're friends for a reason, huh?" I nod.

                I finish getting ready and we're out the door, me climbing into the passenger seat of his car. I suppress the urge to ask him to run the sirens for me. I'm such a five year old. We pull out of the driveway and he does it anyway, just for a few seconds. He knows me so well. I love it.

                Apparently Justin had told all the guys at the station that I make the best sugar cookies. When I walked in with him empty handed, they all whined. Boys, always thinking about their stomachs. "Sorry guys...I've been a big Grinch this year and didn't get any cookies made. Maybe I'll swing some by for New Year's." I hang out with one of the new guy's while Justin does his paperwork, not wanting to get in the way.

                Over lunch, we discuss how Christmas is going to go, ironing out the details of our "relationship" so that way it sounds believable. I just hope this works. I'll admit...I didn't really think about what I would say to my parents after Christmas when Justin and I broke up. Since this was the first time I'd ever brought anyone home, I was going to have to come up with a pretty good reason as to why we broke things off. I'd deal with that when I came to it though. For right now, we just had to get through Christmas.

*

The drive to my parent's place just outside of Nashville is tense; I can tell that Justin's nervous. Truth be told, I am too. I start to rethink the whole idea, wondering if it would just be better to say that Justin is one of my very good friends that needed somewhere to go for the holiday since his family was on vacation elsewhere. "Stop worrying. It'll work out." He says, reaching over to pat my knee, but he leaves his hand resting on it. I'm hyper aware of the touch and the heat coming from his hand. I'm going to have to stop jumping every time he touches me otherwise my family will really know something's not right. I cut my eyes over to look at him but his eyes are on the road. "Just testing things out." He glances at me momentarily and winks. My heart flutters and I want to slap myself for thinking that my heart could stay out of this situation. The fact that I've been attracted to him ever since we met has not gone unnoticed by me and I had done so good ignoring it and just telling myself that I had a super attractive guy friend.

So much for that now. This scheme of mine was blowing that out of the water. Especially seeing what being with him could be like.

The Nashville skyline was in sight so I knew it wasn't much longer until we arrived at my parents place. Thirty minutes later, we pulled into the driveway and Justin took in a deep breath. "You ready?" I ask. "I'm just going to need a drink." He jokes. "Good thing we brought some good wine." We get out of the car and unload everything, walking up the path to the front door with full arms.

I ring the doorbell, all but dropping everything in my arms to do so. The front door gets thrown open almost instantly, like my mother had been hatching it. "Nelson, the kids are here!" She calls out. My dad comes around the corner from the family room and beams. "Let me take your things from you." He reaches out and grabs the stuff that Justin is holding and sets it by the stairs and then does the same with mine. "Justin! It's so great to meet you." My mother says, enveloping him in a hug. "It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. James." He returns with a grin.

Now that the initial meeting is out of the way, my mom ushers us into the living room. "Your sister and Robert and the kids get in later tonight but they're not staying with us so it won't be too chaotic around here." This news makes me relax some because my sister is my best friend in the world and can read me like a book. She'd be the first person to figure out that I was lying. I take a look at all the decorations and smile. My parent's house is my favorite place to be during the holidays. My mom has a way of decorating the entire place with Christmas decorations in a way that doesn't shove it down your throat but there's always warm, twinkly lights surrounding you in every room. I glance at Justin to see if he's relaxed at all since we've come into the living room but he's still as uptight as he was when we left.

I feel terrible that I made him do this for me. My family was going to love him, I was sure of it. What a letdown it's going to be for them when we "break up". There's no turning back now, though. "Your home is lovely." Justin compliments and my mom grins. "Why thank you! I do love it during the holidays."

"I can see where Ry got her decorating skills from." Oh jeez, my mom is going to be putty in his hands. She'll never let me let him go now. "Says the one who decorated my house for Christmas this year."

"You just needed a push." He grabs my waist and tugs me to him, surprising me by the movement. "Your daughter is a bit of a Grinch this year." Thanks for calling me out.

"Well she certainly doesn't look to be one now. You decorated her place? Ryann, you've got a keeper."

I pat Justin's chest and grin. "Don't I know it."

We're all in the living room when everyone else arrives, my dad and Justin talking about the state of affairs in Shelby County. I can tell it's the last thing Justin wants to be talking about but he's being a good sport about it. My dad works for the Mayor's office in Nashville so he knows everything that goes on around the state. My sister instantly loves Justin, I can tell, and she gives me a thumbs up when he's not looking. My niece and nephew take to him right away; my nephew Eric pulling out his toy cars to show him.

"Why don't we girls leave the boys in here and get dinner started? Jessie, would you like to help out?" My mother asks my niece. Jessie agrees happily and follows us into the kitchen. Before I'm out of sight I catch Justin's eye and apologize. He smiles convincingly and something in me says everything is going to turn out just fine.

In the kitchen, in the middle of the hubbub of getting out pots and pans to cook our Christmas Eve dinner, both my mom and sister are talking my ear off about Justin and how perfect he is. The more I see him around my family and how good he's been with the kids, I'm realizing it too. "You got real lucky with that one, sis."

"And he's got a good job."

"And handcuffs..." My sister jokes, wriggling her eyebrows at me suggestively. "Please tell me that you've used them in the..."

My mom yells "stop" before my sister can finish her thought. One I can totally get with because yes, I have thought about that more than a few times.

"Can I help out in here, ladies?" Justin comes strolling in in the nick of time but I can feel myself blushing at where my train of thought had gone.

"How are you with cooking steaks? I've got the grill pan set up on the stove if you can man them for me." Mom is batting her eyelashes at him and she's totally in love. She gives me wide eyes to go along with her huge smile and I laugh. I handle the cookie mixer with Jessie while my sister chops vegetables for our salads. My stomach grumbles, Justin hears and laughs, reaching out to poke it. "Stop it!" I giggle, trying to catch at his probing finger. We're in a full on tickle war, Jessie joining in on the fun before my father comes into the room to find out what all the commotion is. Seeing what's going on he just shakes his head and walks back into the living room. "Thanks for the help, DAD!" I yell amid squeals of laughter from Jessie.

Dinners' ready shortly after and I have to stop decorating the sugar cookies to eat.

"So, how long have you two been together?" My brother-in-law, Robert asks. Justin and I exchange glances to see who's going to answer the question. "Just a few months."

"Where at?" my sister chimes in, now everyone's attention is on us even though my mom and dad heard the story when we first arrived. A second go-round should be cake.

"Mik's bar...Ryann was falling down drunk and ran into me as I was coming in..."

"He took her home and then came back the next day to take care of her hangover." Mom finishes the story for him.

"How cute!"

The firing squad continued their line of questioning and I was starting to sweat from it; I could only imagine how he felt. I reached over under the table for his hand and squeezed it. He turned his head towards me, giving me a smile that melted my insides, his blue eyes sparkling. I was in so much trouble. I was falling head over heels for him, for the guy who I'd been in the "friend zone" with since we met. "You wanna help me decorate the cookies while they get all this cleaned up?" I ask, nodding my head towards the kitchen. I think we could both use a break.

We excuse ourselves from the table, grabbing up our dinner plates and wine glasses as we go. He's pouring me another glass of wine before I can even ask. "Let's do this!" I take an elephant swallow of wine and set to work, lining up all the different decorations. Justin's face is excited as he grabs up a bottle of silver sprinkles. By the time we're done, the entire counter is covered in different colors of sprinkles and icing and Justin and I are both sticky and smeared with red and green icing.

"Did you manage to get any on the actual cookies?" Jessie asks, peering at the countertop to see what we've done. Justin sticks his tongue out at her. "I think they turned out ok. Why don't you try one?" He offers her a snowman from the plate and she takes it from him and runs off. Eric takes one next before he's disappeared back into the living room to play with his toys. "Why don't you guys grab that plate of cookies and go sit down for a bit. We'll clean up in here." Justin and I wash ourselves up, getting our arms and hands, and my face, clean before we are pushed out of the kitchen by my dad.

I curl up on my end of the couch and Justin sits next to me, throwing his arm casually around my shoulder. Leaning into his side only feels natural so I do, making myself comfortable in the crook of his arm. He's warm and comfy and everything I'm starting to lo--. No...I am not in love with him. I look up at him and he's already looking at me, giving me that same smile that makes my heart flutter. Okay...maybe I am falling in love. And it's terrifying because I feel like it's so one-sided.

"We need to get some pictures taken in front of the tree. Why don't we all go in the family room and do it. Especially since I know all of you will be stuck in your pajamas tomorrow until you have to change into new ones for bed tomorrow night." The camera is already dangling from my mom's arm and we all file into the family room for pictures.

My mom is big on capturing holiday memories so we've got photobooks filled with pictures from every holiday imaginable. These would just get added to the pile. "Ok now, everybody line up over here..." She was putting everyone in their respective places, Justin and I shoved together in the middle. I crashed into his chest and he eased his arm around my middle to steady me. "Easy there, tiger."  He teased. "Sorry," I apologized, my eyes raking up his chest before landing on his bright blue eyes, which were staring down at the spot where my hand was placed on his chest. "No problem. Your mom gets real excited about picture taking, huh?"

"You have no idea." I said with a roll of my eyes. "Ok everyone, on the count of three say ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS'! One...two...three!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Everyone yelled out as the camera flashed. Mom took a few more shots, some silly and some normal, some trying to be serious, before she decided that she was done taking pictures and someone else could do it tomorrow. Everyone began to disperse back to the living room and I was about to follow but a hand on my wrist stopped me. I turned abruptly at the touch and let my gaze travel upwards from the hand that was gripping my wrist, up a muscular arm and chest, and a jutting adam's apple and finally settled on a pair of mischievous looking blue eyes. "Can I help you J?" I ask, grinning at him awkwardly. "We have something to settle." He says back, a smirk tugging at his mouth, as he pulls me closer to him. "We do?" I question, swallowing the lump in my throat at his nearness. "Mhmm." He nods, bringing my hands up to hold against his chest. I look around to see who he was putting this show on for and noticed that we were the only two in the room. "What...what's that?" My eyes looked back and forth between his eyes and his lips, so close to my own I thought I might faint. "We've been standing under mistletoe for the past 10 minutes while we took pictures." He murmurs, lips barely moving. My heart thundered against my ribcage and I wondered if he could hear it.

"Oh." I breathe out, the only coherent thought I could make. "And I refuse to break tradition." The twinkle in his eye intensifies and the smirk that had plagued his lips earlier, returned. "Tra...tradition?" I stutter, trying to wrap my brain around what he was saying. "You know, standing under the mistletoe means an automatic makeout session for the two people who were under it." He says, his breath fanning out against my face. It made me dizzy. He had been drinking the moscato all night; I could smell the sweetness on his breath. "Riiiiight." I utter, sounding more sarcastic than I intended. He cocks an eyebrow at me and pulls me even tighter against his body. "You don't want to?" he questions, his eyes searching mine, almost looking hurt. My brain stutters. What was he saying? That HE wanted to? "Well?" he pressed. I just nod at him. "What's the nod? Yes you do, or no you don't?" He wasn't making this easy on me at all. If no one was watching then why on earth would he do this? "Justin..." I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to form a sentence that would make sense. "Ryann..." he says back quietly. "I know you want this." He continues, wrapping both of his arms around my waist, bringing my whole body flush up against his now. My right hand was still on his chest, over his heart; I could feel it beating against my hand, mimicking the beat of my own-racing. Well that was an interesting discovery.

"Do you want this like I do?" he asks, his head dipping down, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes searching. "Yesssss." My mouth opened to answer before I could stop it. The corner of his mouth turns up in a lopsided smile. "That's all I needed to know. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to hit me if I did this." He jokes, and I see his eyelashes flutter closed as he leans in, closing what little space there is between us, and presses his lips gently against my own. My knees went weak feeling his lips against mine. Stars exploded behind my eyes at the touch, and judging from the way he gasped after our lips first met, he felt it too. He crushed me against him as his lips nibbled on my bottom lip and I gathered the fabric of his crisp white dress shirt in my hands, my lips moving more aggressively against his. I sucked his bottom lip between my teeth and felt him groan against my lips. He moved his arms from around my waist and tangled one hand in my curly hair and caressed my cheek with the other. Using his grip on my hair as leverage, he angled my head the other way and lowered his jaw, deepening the kiss. He ran the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip and I shuddered against him, rolling my body against his.

"Ryannn..."he groans quietly, pulling inches away from the kiss. "Justin..." I mumble back, leaning in to kiss him again. "Ry, we can't continue this here. I can see it getting out of hand real quick." He says, pressing his forehead against mine again, staring down into my eyes. "You might be right about that." I agree, releasing the tight hold I had on his shirt. "Woah." He says, dazed. "My sentiments exactly." I grin, happy that I was now able to form full sentences. He straightens, stepping back from me a bit, and returns the smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. "Why on earth did we wait so long to do that?" he asks, taking my hand in his and leading me back into the living room. My mom had turned on some Christmas music and it was playing softly in the background while the kids were coloring at the coffee table. It appeared no one had even noticed our absence. "I have no idea."

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't ben curious about what it would be like." He admits, dropping his gaze to the floor sheepishly. "If it makes you feel any better, Justin," I start, "I have too." I smile, completely surprised that I was even admitting that. He grabs my hands and pulls me back into his chest. "Really?" he asks, looking genuinely surprised. I only nod back at him, too caught up in his big blue eyes staring down at me. "Dance with me?" He questions softly, his breath fanning against my forehead. I loop my arms around his neck and lean in closer. He brought me closer so that I could rest my chin on his shoulder and he tilted his head to rest against the top of mine. We stayed that way, not saying a word to each other, for the remainder of the song. When it ended, I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay in that same position, held in the warmth of his arms.

"You two are just the sweetest." My mom interrupted our moment, gushing over our dancing together. I'll admit that I got completely caught up in it, not even remembering that we weren't alone in the room.

"She makes me this way." Justin admitted and suddenly it all made sense. Why he was always doing such sweet things for me like decorating my apartment for Christmas, agreeing to this stupid plan to be my pretend boyfriend, watching my cat after only a few weeks of knowing each other...even when he showed up on my door step the night after we met to take care of my hangover. He cared the whole time and I was incredibly blind.

"We're going to head to bed ‘cause we know the little ones will have us up early. You two can stay down here or head on upstairs to bed; whatever you want to do."

I shrugged. I didn't care what we did at the moment. I just knew that we had some talking to do and had some things to figure out. "Let's stay down here for a bit and watch a movie-I feel wide awake right now."

"Ok. Well you two sleep well. Merry Christmas!" My mom said, heading up the stairs.

"Night mom, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. James." Justin called to her.

"Nonsense. It's Pam...you're practically family now." She said with a smile before she disappeared upstairs. "Goodnight you two. Kids, bedtime." Jessie and Eric closed up their coloring books and piled them up on the coffee table before coming to say goodnight to us, giving us both hugs. Before Jessie got up the stairs she turned and smiled at Justin. "You'll be here tomorrow, right?" She asked. He nodded, "of course."

"Good. ‘Cause I think my Aunt really loves you." And with that, she turned and ran upstairs to join her brother. I could feel my cheeks pinking. Was it really that obvious? We made ourselves comfortable on the couch, him tucking me against his side with his arm thrown around me. It was beginning to feel like a natural thing to do and I liked it. I liked it a lot.

"So..."

"So...you kinda like me?" He asks, a playful tone in his voice.

"Kinda..." I tease, flicking the TV on and finding ‘A Christmas Story' already playing. "Good. I kinda like you too." He squeezes my middle and I turn to find him staring down at me. "I feel like maybe I should tell my parents that we aren't really..."

"But we are, really, if you want to. We just needed a little push to get there. No need to say anything now." He did have a point. Why ruin it now if we really were going to give this an honest go?

"Good point." I snuggled deeper into his side to settle in for the movie. "You concocted this whole scheme just to get me to admit I liked you, didn't you?" He whispers during the scene where Ralphie is beating up the red headed kid. "I'll never tell." I respond, giggling over the obscenities coming out of little Ralphie's mouth.

At some point, we both fell asleep and I awoke later on to ‘A Christmas Story' starting all over again. "Jussstin...this is becoming a habit." I mumble, poking him in the side to wake up. He groans and straightens. "It really is. Let's go to bed." He pulls me off the couch and into his arms and I loop my arms around his waist. This feels good and so right. It feels even better that I know how he feels about it too.

We trudge up the stairs slowly and I can't help but smile that my mom took the time to undo our bed for us. "Your mom is adorable." I change into my Christmas pajamas quickly and slide into bed next to him. "She has her moments." He stretches an arm out so that I can snuggle up to him like we were the other night. Maybe he really did know what he was doing that night when he got in bed with me. I can't believe that I was so concerned with how I was feeling for him and trying to push those feelings down that I ignored all the signs that told me that just maybe I wasn't alone in those feelings.

Tucked against his side, my whole world feels right and I can't remember a time when I felt this happy. Who knew that when I asked him to be my fake boyfriend for the holidays, that it would turn out this way?

"But really, your family is great. I can't believe how welcoming they were. You and your sister are really close."

"She's one of my best friends." I reply. "I figured. I heard the conversation you had with her earlier about handcuffs...is that something you're in to?" I feel my face grow hot and I bury my head in his arm. "Oh my god..." I laugh. "I can't talk about this with you."

"You're going to have to eventually...might as well do it in the dark when I can't see how red you're turning." He teases. "I hate you."

"You love me..." he begins. "I might." It's out before I can stop it but somehow I feel ok admitting it to him. "I might." He plants a kiss to my forehead then grabs the hand that was resting on his chest and brings it to his lips to kiss as well. "For you starting out the holidays as such a Grinch...things have turned around pretty well, I'd say."

"All thanks to you. You gave me Christmas, again." I admitted, thinking to how surprised I was when I came home from the store the other night to a fully decorated apartment. "I had to do something.  I'm just glad I could help."

"You did everything, Justin. You were everything I needed. Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Ry." He murmured, squeezing me tightly.

"Merry Christmas, Justin."