The clock on the wall read three am.  A small lamp in the quiet room was all the light provided for its occupant.  A few notes of the song “Chop Sticks” was played on the beautiful grand piano before frustrated hands banged the keys.

JC Chasez massaged his temples in slow circular motions hoping to relieve some of the pressure lingering behind his eyes.  He wasn’t getting anywhere.  His leather-bound notebook sat on top of the piano in front of him; the page it was open to remained blank.  It had been blank for several weeks.

Whether JC sat down at the piano or with a guitar, the notebook page remained blank.  No words were coming to him.  This wasn’t the first time that he had had writer’s block but this time was particularly frustrating.  It’s never gone on this long.  He had always managed to find inspiration rather quickly to rid him of his block.  Not this time.  This was turning into an entire wall that towered over him ominously.

It was a balmy September night.  JC abandoned his notebook and piano to sit on the balcony.  Rather than just pouring himself a glass, he grabbed the whole bottle of bourbon from the bar off of his living room.  He stared out at the hills and bright city lights below his LA home.  The city noise below faintly drifting towards him.  He took a long pull straight from the bottle.

The last several months of JC’s life had been a roller coaster of emotions.  While he was still working steadily, there were projects and opportunities that kept slipping through his fingers.  Opportunities that he was excited about, projects that he couldn’t wait to share with the world.  In an instant, they were gone.

The all girl group that he put together was all but defunct.  Nothing ever really came of them gaining any success, especially in the US.  They had gained some ground in the Asian market but it was short lived.  Some of them were trying to make music on their own.

The most recent blow came when the musical he was supposed to be a part of was abruptly cancelled mere days before they were to debut.  Out of the blue it seemed.  All the blood, sweat, and tears poured into it was all for nothing.  The rug yanked out from under everyone involved in the project.

The bitter taste of failure was nearly choking JC.  Now he couldn’t even get words onto paper.  He froze anytime he sent down to an instrument.  A tightness would pull in his chest and his breathing would come in short, shallow puffs of air.  Writing always got through him through the tough times.  Once the word were out, he could move forward.  This time, nothing made it to paper.

And then there was the subject of JC’s love life.  Or rather lack thereof.  He hadn’t seriously dated anyone in well over a year.  The random hook ups didn’t fill the voids within him as he hoped they would.  He was getting too old for it anyway.

JC didn’t know what he wanted anymore and that terrified him.  He always thrived having order and balance in his life.  Most of the time he managed to navigate the highs and lows of his life rather deftly.  He liked that he was able to have a fairly private life unlike some of his friends.  He occasionally got hounded by paparazzi but not to the extent of some.  All he wanted was to make music but his own inner turmoil was sabotaging that.

JC couldn’t take the madness anymore.  He needed to get away.  Not sure for how long or where but away.  Anywhere but here.

***

The fluorescent light in the small two-piece bathroom flickered periodically above it’s occupants.  It was obviously time for a new bulb but this revelation only dawned on one of the bathroom’s occupants.

Charlotte “Charlie” Marlowe found herself in the same unfortunate situation she allowed herself to fall into from time to time.  She told herself every time that she ended up here, it would be the last.  Yet that never seemed to be the case.  It was a vicious cycle; one that she got no benefit or pleasure from.

Charlie all too frequently found herself pinned between the sink of the tiny bar bathroom and the body of one Deputy Matt Frazier.  Her jeans and panties discarded in a pile at Matt’s feet.  Her shirt and bra pushed up to her armpits.  Rough and callused hands moved haphazardly over her body.  Hot, panting breaths hit her right ear to match each thrust of Matt’s hips.  Only one person was enjoying this and it surely wasn’t Charlie.

The fluorescent blinking light was the only thing providing any distraction for Charlie.  She tried to go to a happy place in her mind.  Anything to take her away from where she was.  She cursed herself for allowing this thing with the deputy to go on as long as she had.

One of the first people Charlie met when she moved to Cannon Beach, Oregon a few years prior was Matt.  He was a deputy in the neighboring town of Astoria approximately forty minutes North.  On the rare nights that he worked the overnight shift, he would sneak down to Cannon Beach to see Charlie.  Usually after having had a fight with his wife.

When Charlie met Matt, he and his wife were separated.  He claimed they were halfway to divorce court.  Even so, Charlie wasn’t looking for a husband or boyfriend.  She really just needed something to help her forget.  She wanted a distraction.  She wasn’t wanting to be a homewrecker.  She should have stopped it when he reconciled with his wife.  So much for that.

It was just after three am and the small bar that Charlie worked had long closed for the evening.  She was in the back office, rushing to finish the nightly deposit so she could head home when Deputy Matt knocked on the office window.  Against her better judgement, she let him in the back door.  

The same back and forth banter that happened every time occurred between the two.  Matt sweet talked Charlie and she tried to shoot him down.  He persisted as he pulled her into the small employee bathroom in the back of the bar.  Before long, Charlie was trying to block out Matt’s grunts and moans.  She just prayed he finished soon.

It wasn’t long before her prayers were answered.  One final thrust of hips before Matt slumped forward into Charlie.  Her stomach churned and a tightness was building in her chest.  She needed to be away from him.  She pushed on his shoulders for him to back away.  He obliged and discarded his condom into the toilet as she straightened her bra and shirt back into place.  Once flushed, Matt moved to kiss Charlie.  She turned her head to the side; his lips landing on her cheek.  A low chuckle sounded in his throat.

Quickly gathering her discarded clothes, Charlie pulled her jeans on, shoving her panties into her pocket.  She needed to put distance between her and Matt.  She shot out of the bathroom, her lungs rebelling against her.  She was having a hard time pulling enough air in.  While Matt put himself back together, Charlie was leaning with her hands planted on the small office desk.  Her head hanging low as she tried to regulate her breathing.

Matt dried his hands on a paper towel as he joined Charlie in the office.  He gave her ass a hard smack as he exited.  Her stomach lurched, nearly losing what little contents it contained.  She waited for the familiar sound of the backdoor clicking shut, advising her that she was once again alone.

It was only then that Charlie allowed a muffled sob to escape.  She damned and cursed herself every time this happened.  She hated herself for not being strong enough to turn him away.  She was in her thirties!  How could she allow herself to do this for Christ sake?  As her sobs continued to rack her body, her breathing became worse.  There was only one thing that would help at that moment.

Charlie hurriedly dug into the depths of her purse, retrieving a small tin normally used for breath mints.  She took this lifeline back into the small bathroom.  Her hands shook as she opened the container.  The metal object inside the tin caught the light from overhead.  Just the sight of it caused Charlie’s breathing to begin to normalize.  This was the only relief she had at the moment.

Taking the small razor blade between her the thumb and index fingers on her right hand, Charlie held it up eye level.  She caught her own disheveled appearance in the mirror, quickly averting her eyes and focused back on the blade.  She pushed the long sleve of her sweater up her left arm, placing the blade firmly against her skin.  

Halfway between her wrist and her elbow, Charlie made the slightest cut into her pale skin.  It was no more than a quarter of an inch in length.  As blood slowly trickled down her arm, towards her hand, a rush of air filled Charlie’s lungs.  The blade slipped from her fingers into the sink as she relished the feeling of air in her lungs again.  Blood streaked the bowl of the sink.

This small release brought Charlie’s back to reality once again.       

Hollow.  Lifeless.  Empty.

The eyes of the very much alive young woman standing in front of him looked of someone no longer living.  Sure she smiled.  Being that she was a bartender and depended on the tips she would hopefully get from the few patrons scattered around the small bar.  She seemed blank in her expression.

She smiled at him when she leaned on the bar in front of him.  But her smile didn’t reach her eyes.  He watched her for a few minutes while he waited for her to finish tending to the other customers to ask for his drink order.

“What can I get you, dear?”  Her voice was smooth.  It was her eyes that bothered him the most.  He couldn’t see the color of them as the bar carried the typical low, muted lighting found in dive bars.  Her eyes were dark and emotionless.  Hollow.  Lifeless.  Empty.

“Whiskey on the rocks.”  JC placed a $20 on the bar in front of him.  She nodded and placed an ice filled rocks glass on the bar top.

“You just passing through?”   She poured the amber liquid into the glass while waiting for his response.  She kept her eyes on him, never once needing to monitor her pour.

“Sorta.”  She finished pouring the whiskey and waiting if he was going to offer an additional comment as to his reason for being in Cannon Beach.  Sure this area of Northern Oregon tended to be touristy but not in the middle of the week and not so much this time of year.  The start of the school year usually signaled a lull for the residents of the area.  A much needed breather.

“Let me know if you need anything else, hon.  My name’s Charlie.  Enjoy.”  Charlie gave a hollow-eyed smile before leaving to check on her other patrons.

JC allowed his gaze to slowly scan around the dark bar as he sipped the bitter liquor.  An old country song played overhead.  There weren’t more than a handful of people there that night.  A couple of gruff-looking fisherman were shooting pool and talking loudly.  They seemed to be getting a bit riled up over their game.  Curse words started to fly between the two as they fought over the previous shot of the game.

This place looked to be a stereotypical, small town hole in the wall bar.  While tidy, old pictures and random knickknacks dotted the walls.  The smell of stale cigarettes and beer lingered in the air.   A cloud of smoke hung in rafters above the crowd.  The old wood floors creaked as people moved around.

JC’s attention was drawn back to behind the bar.  Charlie was sitting on the back bar with a pad of paper and a pen in her hand.  Her left hand had a baseball bat in it that she loudly hit against the bar a few time to get the attention of the two men arguing at the pool table.  They immediately settled down and abandoned their game.  Charlie’s eyes never left the pad of paper that was resting in her lap.

This one simple action to quiet the arguing men commanded respect.  She didn't need to speak any words to end their bickering.  JC stared at Charlie where she perched.  He couldn’t tell if she was drawing or writing but it had her full attention.  Some of her long brown hair had fallen over her face, shielding any possible expression.

“No band tonight?”  Charlie looked up from her post to glance at the darkened stage JC gestured at.  She briefly glanced at JC before looking back at her paper.

“Usually Saturday nights.  Nights like tonight, this is as good as it gets.”  JC continued to watch Charlie.  He could tell she wasn’t from around the area.  Her jeans look designer as did her fitted sweater.  The other bar customers were more the flannel and overalls type.  JC looked down at his own attire, realizing that he too looked a bit out of place.

“So Saturday is when this place comes alive, huh?”  Charlie let a small chuckle escape though her eyes stayed downcast.

“Cannon Beach isn’t really a party town.  Some of these people would likely break a hip if they moved too quickly walking to the restroom.”  JC looked around to see if any of the other patrons heard Charlie’s crack about the age of residents of the town.  If any of them had, they didn’t make any indication.

“I’ve been in a few bars in towns like these and those people can get down with the best of them.”  A small smile lingered on Charlie’s lips.  She shook her head but didn’t respond, her head staying bowed the entire time.

“I’m Josh, by the way.”  Charlie only glanced in his direction to check the status of his drink.

“Can I get you another?”  JC could tell she wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

“Sure.”  Charlie hopped down from her post and quickly refilled the glass.  JC grabbed a local newspaper laying a few seats away that was abandoned by a previous customer.  He thanked Charlie when he had a fresh drink and slowly read the small paper cover to cover.  He worked the crossword puzzle on the back page when there was nothing left to read.

“So you don’t have to go home but you gotta go.”  Charlie was once again leaning on the bar in front of JC.  He pulled his attention away from the crossword puzzle and gave her a confused look.  “Closing time.”

JC quickly looked around the bar to find that other than Charlie, everyone else had vacated.  He looked at his watch and realized that he had spent nearly two hours on the puzzle, completely shutting out the entire world around him.

“Oh shit.”  JC quickly gathered up his backpack and jacket to leave.  He hadn’t meant to hang out until closing.  It was nice to tune the world out for a while.  Something he hadn’t done in a long time.  He had been able to quiet his mind for a brief while.

“Don’t forget your crossword.”  Charlie pushed the newspaper towards him while giving him an emotionless smile as he hastily shrugged on his jacket.  JC scooped up the paper and dropped a tip on the bar.  “Have a good night.”

“Thanks, you too.”  JC briefly glanced back at Charlie.  She went about stacking chairs on table tops, not giving him another look.  He pushed the door open and slid out into the cold, damp night.  The air was thick with moisture.  It had obviously rained while JC was in the bar.

Looking up and down the street, JC was the only one out at this hour.  The town appeared to have completely shut down.  He glanced at his watch to see it was already after two in the morning.  A few random streetlights provided the poorly lit path he would need for the one block walk back to his SUV.

Once safely back in his truck, JC turned the heater on full blast to get the chill out of his bones.  As the vehicle warmed, he pulled a folded paper map from the center console.  He flipped the cabin light on to examine the map.

When JC had decided a few days prior to get out of LA for a while, he had no destination in particular in mind.  He truthfully wasn’t sure if he was going to drive or fly.  He had no direction specifically picked out.  What made him decide to drive North was a brief stop at a gas station a few miles from his house.

While grabbing a few bottles of water and snacks, JC overheard a young couple arguing near the soda fountains.  The young woman was begging her boyfriend to take her for a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway.  This brought back a fond memory for JC.

Not long after he and his bandmates started their “hiatus”, JC and his brother took a road trip up the coast that landed them up in Vancouver.  It was a much needed break from the chaos that was his life at the time.  The media frenzy of the groups break was wearing on him.  

During the three week trip, JC and Tyler stopped in random small towns.  They goofed around at local festivals and ate greasy food.  They would get wasted in dive bars and sleep in cheap motels.  They bonded and JC loved every minute of that trip.  Even the stupid fights they occasionally had.  It relaxed and refreshed him.

The young couple’s argument solidified JC’s decision to road trip it up North.  He wasn’t sure that he would go all the way to Vancouver this time; he would just drive wherever his heart decided.  He didn’t have a time limit so to speak.  He pluck the folded road map from a display near the cash register of the gas station as he headed out.   

JC told his manager what he was doing and that he could be reach on his cell but only if it was urgent.  He also made the requisite call to his mother so she hopefully wouldn’t worry too much about him.

Other than that, JC didn’t tell anyone else about his plans.  Anyone looking for him would just contact his manager.  Eric would field all of JC’s contact requests and only bother him with one’s that were important.  Anyone important enough to have his personal cell phone number could get him but his business cell phone was turned off.  This was JC’s time to clear his mind and get over this writer’s block.

So far on his trip, JC had stopped in many of the same places he and Tyler had visited on their trip.  He wanted to see what changes, if any, had occurred in the nearly twelve years since his last visit.  Passing through those places again made JC smile.  He was glad to have the memories of that trip.

Glancing at the clock on the dashboard, JC figured if he left now, he could make the nearly four hour drive to Seattle and arrive just before rush hour got too crazy.  He briefly contemplated sleeping for the night and driving up in the daylight but decided to push forward.

The map was tossed into the passenger seat and the truck put into gear when movement in JC’s rearview mirror caught his attention.  Charlie passed under one of the random streetlights about a half block from where he was parked.  She climbed into her own vehicle and quickly disappeared in the opposite direction.

For reasons unknown to him, JC couldn’t get the image of the woman’s eyes out of his head.  He couldn’t recall ever seeing such emotionless eyes before.  He could read most people through the expression their eyes showed.  This woman had expressionless eyes down to a science.  It was haunting how blank she seemed.  

Hollow.  Lifeless.  Empty.

JC shook the thoughts from his mind, pushing the gas pedal to take him to his next destination.

This impromptu, out of town road trip that JC decided to take was completely out of character for him.  His life had a schedule and balance that he liked to maintain.  He had a general schedule that he followed daily.  Sure, things pop up; that was the nature of the business he worked in.  Amidst the chaos of it, he still managed to keep a balance.

Lately, that hadn’t been the case.  Hence the need to try something new.  The fact that JC had decided based on an eavesdropped conversation as to his destination would have likely caused his friends and family to believe he was batshit crazy.

If this trip didn’t jump start something inside JC to start writing and making music again, he truly didn’t know what would.  He packed his guitar as well as a keyboard but still had yet to play a single note on either and he had been on the road for over a week.  The fear of losing the music weighed heavily on him.

Inside of JC was a deep seeded need to create.  While was the case with most music writers, many of their songs never saw the light of day.  JC understood the creation process of music and had countless notebooks, binders, computer files, hell even cocktail napkins that beared his thoughts that could potentially become a song.

What was eating at him was that he couldn’t put a single thought on paper about what he was feeling.  The turmoil of his shitty year should have given him plenty of material to write about.  He was typically good at channeling his frustrations into the creative process.  If nothing else, it rid him of it festering inside him.  A purging of sorts.

During his few days in Seattle, JC submerged himself in the grunge music scene.  It was his hope that the angry, honest lyrics would revive his writing.  Each night was spent hopping from one dive bar to the next, listening to local bands.  While he enjoyed the music, he still came up blank.

Each day after being out all night, he would sit in his hotel room, staring at his guitar and piano.  His notebook in his lap with his pen poised to scribe.  Each day, the instruments remained unplayed and paper still blank.  

He had only been in Seattle for 4 days and perhaps he hadn’t really given himself enough time but JC felt like he was going stir crazy.  Maybe he was trying too hard; forcing the process.  It had always been so natural to him, like breathing, that he never had to force himself to make music.

By Saturday morning, JC couldn’t take it anymore.  He hadn’t slept in nearly thirty six hours.  He was starting to feel like a caged animal on the verge of breaking.  He hastily packed his belongs back into his truck, checking out of his hotel.  He abandoned the idea of going to Canada.  He was going to head back South.

Once again, he had no particular destination in mind.  He briefly contemplated heading across the Northern Plains states but decided against it.  He didn’t feel they would provide him enough stimuli.  He needed better distractions.

Upon entering his vehicle to prepare to get back on the road, JC caught sight of his appearance in the rearview mirror.  He looked downright scary.  He had a baseball cap over his mussed hair.  His eyes were bloodshot and had an almost wild look.  He hadn’t shaved in a few days so he was looking a bit grizzly from his beard growth.

Due to the lack of sleep, JC was running on pure adrenalin.  He knew it would run out eventually.  His plan, once he grabbed a rather large cup of coffee, was to drive until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.  He would either pull over to sleep in the car or find a room for the night.  

Right now he just needed forward movement.  If he couldn’t get it figuratively in his creative process, he’d take the literal in pointing his truck South.

***

After a few hours on the road, JC realized quickly that his lack of sleep was hitting him full force.  His coffee was long gone and blasting music wasn’t working very well.  He had resorted to occasionally smacking himself in the face to keep him alert.  His willpower was fading fast and he finally decided it was time to end his misery.

JC found himself in the town of Gearhart, having already reentered Oregon.  He was backtracking the way he came while deciding where he would go.  He pulled into a gas station.  The salty sea air hit him in the face when he stepped out.  It briefly aided in waking him up.  His muscles screamed at him when he stretched his tired body.  It was definitely time for sleep.

While paying for a few bottles of water, JC inquired with the cashier as to a place to stay for the night.  To his dismay, the guy told him his best bet was to find lodging in Cannon Beach.  Most lodging in Gearhart shut down in the fall when tourist season ended.  It was only another ten miles down to Cannon Beach.

Luckily, the guy at the gas station had given directions to a small hotel he recommended.  He told JC it was about a mile off the main drag through Cannon Beach but it was quiet and clean.  It was one of the few places that stayed open year round.

JC thanked him for the recommendation and returned to his vehicle.  While he could have just slept in the truck, the thought of sleeping in a bed trumped his desire to recline his seat at that moment.  He figured he could last another 15 minutes or so to make the short drive to Cannon Beach.

Having gotten lost a few times trying to find the hotel recommended to him, JC finally parked in front of the quaint little inn on the handwritten directions.  Before him, sat a small grouping of two-story, cedar-sided buildings.  In total, there appeared to be maybe 20 rooms throughout the structures.  Surrounding the buildings were large maple and hemlock trees, creating a beautiful backdrop.

To say that JC was shocked at the beautiful hotel in front of him was an understatement.  He figured the guy from the gas station was directing him to some rundown seaside motel.  This was quite the opposite.

Briefly checking his watch, which read a few minutes to one in the afternoon, JC headed toward the lobby.  There weren’t any other vehicles parked nearby and he began to wonder if the place was in fact open.  Passing in front of one of the lobby windows, a movement inside caught his attention.

From his station outside the hotel, JC could see a lone woman dancing around the lobby.  She had a set of earbuds on and a feather duster in her right hand.  Her shoeless feet revealed a pair of very loud, multi-colored socks that glided around the dark wood floors while moving about the room.

Her clothing wasn’t what JC had expected for someone working here.  Granted, he wasn’t expecting the staff of a 5 star hotel but the woman’s loose fitting jeans and black t-shirt appeared out of place.  Looking around the rest of the surroundings of the lobby through the window, it appeared more as someone’s living room rather than a hotel lobby.  The decorations were warm and inviting.

While turning to continue her dusting, recognition dawned on JC.  The dancing lobby girl was in fact the hollow-eyed bartender he had met at the beginning of the week here in Cannon Beach.  Her brown hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.  

A small smile played on JC’s lips as he watched Charlie shimmy and shake to the music coming from her headphones.  She seemed carefree in that moment.  He chalked up the empty look he had seen in her eyes prior as perhaps having a bad night.

Rather than continue to loiter outside, JC stepped into the lobby.  Upon entering, he could hear Charlie singing along intensely to the song filling her ears.  She carried a tune well, hitting the riffs in the song expertly.  He instantly recognized the song as Elton John’s “Levon”.  She sang along with the same passion Elton had put into the song when he recorded it.  

JC could hear Elton’s voice sing the song in his head as he watched Charlie.  She hadn’t noticed his entrance into the establishment and was still dancing around as she dusted.  He was thoroughly enjoying watching her move about.  He let out a small laugh which surprised him for a moment.  It felt like so long since he’d laughed.

He hated to interrupt Charlie’s dance party but JC’s fatigue was starting to hit him again.  He slowly moved across the room to a hutch that she was dusting shelf by shelf.  He placed his hand on her shoulder yielding a loud scream to escape Charlie’s lungs.  JC recoiled his hand back quickly, placing both in front of him to show he meant no harm.

In Charlie’s frightened haste to put distance between herself and the unknown person now in her presence, she unceremoniously fell flat on her ass.  Quickly scooting away and yanking the earbuds from her head, she looked up into two blue eyes.

“Jesus fucking Christ, man!  You scared the shit out of me!”  Charlie’s chest heaved as she tried to calm her heart.  She instantly realized her intruder as the guy from the bar a few nights back.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”  JC smiled at Charlie, amused by her disheveled state from her post on the floor.  He offered her a hand to help her up but she quickly popped up on her own, attempting to straighten her clothes.

“I’m fine.  How can I help you?”  Charlie decided against acknowledging his smart ass crack.  Much to JC’s chagrin, Charlie’s blue eyes continued to hold the empty, lifeless expression from their previous meeting.

“I need a room for the night.”  Only offering a small nod, Charlie moved back behind the check-in counter.  JC met her on the opposite side.  He watched her twist the small silver stud in her left earlobe while she clicked the mouse of her computer.  Her University of Iowa t-shirt caught his attention.  “Far from home, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me?”  Charlie gave JC a bewildered look.  He gestured to her shirt.  She peered down at the logo across her chest.  A brief recollection flashed in her mind as to how she came to own the shirt.  “Something like that.  I need you to fill this out.  I also need your credit card and a photo ID.”

Charlie slid a registration form across the counter to JC.  He in turn provided the requested cards.  He began filling out the sheet of paper.

“Far from home, aren’t you?”  Charlie pitched JC’s previous question back at him.  She tapped his Florida driver’s license on the counter has she kept her eyes on the computer screen.

“Something like that.”  JC tried to hide his smile as he finished the form and slid it back in Charlie’s direction.  He noticed the notebook that she had been writing in at the bar the previous night lay open on the counter next to her.  Cocking his head to the side, JC tried to read the open page.  Charlie caught the movement and placed a stack of papers on the notebook.

“Just for the one night?”  Her eyes met his as she awaited his answer.

“Make it two nights for now.”  Charlie went back to her computer screen.  JC allowed his gaze to follow the quick movements of her fingers over the keyboard.  Each of her middle fingers had a single silver ring with some type of intricate metal work design.  His eyes traveled up the white long sleeves of her undershirt up to her neck.  He got a glimpse of a silver chain that disappeared into her collar.  Continuing his visual journey, his eyes landed on her mouth.  Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth in concentration.

“I’m truly sorry for scaring you.  Was not my intention.  I thought for sure you realized I was there.”  JC tilted his head to catch Charlie’s eye.  She pulled her gaze from the screen.  His smile was warm and genuine.  Her smile still didn’t reach her eyes.

“You’re fine.  Besides, I have a wide ass so no harm done.  No worries.”  Charlie busied herself with the final few tasks to get JC checked in.  He ran his eyes over her body.  He wouldn’t say she had a wide ass.  To him it seemed nicely proportioned to her trim waist.  Her chest, while not prominent, also proportioned well to her body.

JC by no means found Charlie unattractive.  Quite the opposite was the case.  She didn’t fit into the typical type of woman he dated.  Charlie stood at what he guessed to be about five-eight with fair skin and a more athletic build yet still feminine.  He typically went for petite, olive-skinned women with dark eyes.

“Okay, you are all set.”  Charlie slid JC’s credit card and ID back to him.  He half listened as she rambled off the amenities of the hotel as well as places in town to visit.  His brain was starting to shut down from sleep deprivation.  He scooped up everything from the counter.

“Thank you.”  JC made his way back to the lobby doors.  Just before exiting, he turned back to Charlie.  “By the way, cute socks.”

A devilish grin played on his lips and he gave her a flirtatious wink before vacating the building.  She glanced down at her feet and felt a blush creep up her neck.  

JC pulled his vehicle around the grouping of building to park near his room.  Since his instruments proved useless to him at the moment, he decided to leave them securely stowed in the truck, grabbing his suitcase to take in with him.

Once again, JC was pleasantly surprised with the hotel upon entering his room.  A comfortable seating area and kitchenette greeted him first.  He dropped his bags next to the couch and moved further into the room.  He tossed his jacket onto a chair as he eyed the bed in the far corner of the room.

An audible groan escaped his lips as he landed on the bed.  A quick shucking off of his shoes and baseball hat occurred before sinking into the pillows.  JC got a brief glance at the alarm clock next to the bed before he lost his battle with consciousness.

***

JC awoke with a start.  He was having a rather weird dream and glad for it to be over.  His sleep drunk mind took a moment to register where he was.  The room was pitch black and chilly.  He never made it under the covers of the bed when he laid down from exhaustion.  

The bedside alarm clock read eight forty eight.  He had only slept for about seven hours and knew he could sleep many more.  His body still lacked sleep but it also lacked nourishment.  He had just as little food as he did sleep recently.

JC quickly showered and dressed in hopes that he would be able to find a decent place to eat at this late of an hour.  He grabbed the papers that Charlie had given him at check in that gave him food suggestions as he made his way out to his car.  He decided on a small diner located on the main drag of town.

There was a lone man at a table in the far corner of the diner and a woman at the counter when JC entered.  He took a seat at the counter, plucking a menu from the caddie in front of him.  He glanced at it briefly, quickly deciding what he wanted and returned it to its holder.  While waiting for the waitress to take his order, he peered at the woman sitting a few seats down from him.  Once again, he found himself in Charlie’s presence.

“First the bar on Monday, then the hotel this afternoon.  I’m beginning to think that you work at every business in this town.”  Charlie raised her head from the cup of coffee she had been staring into.

“I am a woman of many talents but I’m just here for a to go order.  Diner waitress hasn’t made it onto my resume yet so you’re safe.”  JC noticed she looked much like had when he first met her at the bar.  Charlie was dressed in well-fitted jeans and a tight sweater.  Her long brown hair fell down her back in loose waves.

Before JC could say anything else, an older, round woman placed two bags of food in front of Charlie.   

“Here you go dear.  And I threw a slice of cherry pie in there for you.”

“You’re a doll Maggie.  Thanks.”  Charlie grabbed the nearly overflowing bags of food.  She gave JC a quick nod before bidding Maggie a good night and exiting.  JC watched her cross the street and enter the bar she worked.

“And what can I get started for you, hun?”  JC turned back to find Maggie poised to take his food order.

“Turkey club with fries and a Coke please.”

“You got it hun.  Coming right up.”  Maggie winked at him as she stepped away to fill his order.

JC passed the time waiting for his food by checking emails and messages from his manager.  While his manager didn’t pester him incessantly, in never failed that he got emails daily of events to attend or appearance opportunities.  All the emails here deleted and forgotten.  He needed this time to reset himself.

Once the hunger in JC was sated, he looked forward to getting back to bed.  As he exited the diner, the loud music from the bar across the street caught his attention.  Through the windows, he could see the place was pretty busy.  Curiosity pulled him across the street and in the door.

The band on the stage was playing Boston’s “More Than A Feeling”.  The crowd, which was a good mix of young and old patrons, were all moving along to the music.  The vibe was much different from JC’s last visit.  He moved through the crowd of people and found an empty stool at the bar.     

“You having the same as last time?”  Charlie was leaning close to JC to speak through the loud music and crowd noise.

“I’ll just have a beer.  Bud Light is fine.”  The song changed to a country song that JC didn’t recognize.  He was enjoying the atmosphere.  Charlie placed the beer in front of him as she passed by with a tray of drinks, disappearing into the crowd.  The chorus of the song being played sounded as a female voice joined the male lead singer of the band.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Marlowe.”  The crowd roared at the announcement of Charlie and she appeared on stage moments later.  She moved into the next verse of the song.

I know I should just keep going

But I don't know where to start

I never thought I'd see the day

When you'd go and leave me here

With my broken heart

But you did

So sweep away the sand and dry the ocean

And just, pack the moon and stars up in a cardboard box

And stop the clocks from chiming

And block the sun from shining

Paint the sky a deeper shade of blue

‘Cause my world’s over without you

Maybe someday all the pain will fade

Maybe this hurt will slowly slip away

Maybe some things will never change

But I’ll still love you

Stop the clocks from chiming

And block the sun from shining

And paint the sky a deeper shade of blue

‘Cause my world’s over without you

Charlie and the lead singer finished out the song to a round of raucous applause.  JC had heard her sing earlier that day but now he sat dumbfounded.  She performed the song as though she had written it.

Over the next twenty minutes, Charlie sang a handful of songs.  Her song choices bounced through various genres and decades.  JC had moved to a bar stool closer to the stage to watch in awe.  She didn’t have the best voice he had ever heard but there was a genuineness and raw emotion that she portrayed.  She seemed to have had some type of vocal training.

“You guys have been great tonight.  I’ve got one more song for you before I turn it back over to the guys here.”  The opening chords of a piano heavy ballad started.  Charlie stood at the mic stand with her eyes closed, waiting for the right moment to begin.

2 a.m., where do I begin?

Crying off my face again

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Too afraid to go outside

For the pain of one more loveless night

But the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me 'til I fall asleep

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there's only me and the lonely

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

JC wasn’t sure if it was just him but it seemed that the entire crowd fell dead silent during Charlie’s final song.  Loud hollers and applause sounded when the song ended.  JC let out a breath he had be holding when the noise of the bar broke his trance.

“Thank you.”  Charlie bowed shyly before disappearing behind a dark curtain.  JC returned to his original seat, replaying the performance he just witnessed in his mind.  She moved through each of the songs beautifully but each had a somber, melancholy tone.  She sang as though she had experienced a great deal of pain.

“You ready for another?”  Charlie had returned to her post behind the bar as though the last thirty minutes had not occurred.  JC stared at her for several breaths before answering.

“Yes please.  By the way, what you just did up there, that was amazing.”  Charlie popped the cap of the beer bottle, sliding in front of JC.  She tried to busy herself so as not to have to make eye contact.

“That was glorified karaoke at best.  But that’s sweet of you to say.”  Charlie moved to help another customer, not giving JC a chance to say anything else.  He sipped his beer, his eyes continuously find her as she moved around.  He hoped that it wasn’t obvious.

Finishing the last of his beer, JC waved Charlie over.  He pulled his wallet from his pocket.

“Another?”  JC shook his head.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Six bucks.”  He handed her a twenty.  She tendered the transaction for the two drinks and turned to hand him his change but he was no longer in his seat.  She caught a glimpse of the back of his head as exited the bar.

A strange twinge of disappointment hit Charlie.  She placed the change from the twenty into the tip jar she would share with the other bartender working that night and went back to helping fill drinks.

JC didn’t remember much of the short drive back to his hotel.  Charlie’s performance still played like a video loop in his brain.  He laid in bed for nearly an hour trying to fall asleep.  It was nearing one o'clock in the morning and a sudden bolt of inspiration shot through him.  He flipped the bedside lamp on and grabbed his notebook.  He always slept with his notebook beside him as this moment was proving, inspiration can come at any moment.

JC quickly scribbled the handful of lines on the sheet that had been blank for so long.

You hide behind blank and hollow eyes

Reeling from the pain of so many lies

The fear of letting love in once again

Just know I’m here, no matter when

You’re ready to open up and let me in

In that moment, however small it was, a fire lit inside JC that he so sorely missed.

Charlie couldn’t get the intense gaze that JC had when he was watching her sing out of her mind.  The fact that he switched seats to get a closer view damn near threw her over the edge.  Her nerves were frazzled but she managed to maintain her composure.  As she moved through the handful of songs in her set, her nervousness settled.

She also played off his comment about liking her singing and busied herself so as to end the conversation as quickly as possible.  What was confusing her the most was her disappointment when he left.  She had only talked to the guy all of three times yet felt drawn to him.  It was driving her crazy.

While she didn’t show it when he came into the bar the prior week, Charlie recognized who JC was immediately.  She figured with his low pulled baseball hat and scruffy beard, he may have been trying to maintain some anonymity.  She didn’t want to deprive him of that.  He looked as though something was weighing heavy on his mind.  

Charlie was no stranger to carrying the heavy load of life.  She preferred to be alone to have time to process and figure out a solution when life threw its curve balls.  Her current processing time was the reason for her landing in Oregon a couple years prior.  Life events resulted in her needing some alone time.  She figured JC was needing the same.

It was a mystery to all the townspeople of Cannon Beach as to Charlie’s life prior to her arrival.  She preferred it that way.  Luckily, she managed to gain her footing among the population fairly quickly and came to be accepted as a local.  She found a house 15 minutes South of Cannon Beach and found the bartending job within a few weeks of moving in.

In the couple years since appearing in town, Charlie managed to work her way up to managing the bar as well as the hotel, also owned by the bar owner.  Skills acquired in her “previous life” had served her well in Oregon.  She had made a good life for herself.

She knew it wasn’t healthy, but outside of work, she didn’t interact too much with people.  She was content keeping to herself.  This way she could prevent any major attachments that would result in pain.  She was kicking herself for the attachment that Deputy Matt had developed.  What was supposed to be a brief distraction turned into a two year affair.  One she desperately needed to sever ties with.

The decision to move to Oregon was honestly a random one.  It was as if Charlie threw a dart at a map and moved to where it landed.  She needed an escape.  She knew running away wasn’t the answer but she truthfully wasn’t sure she would have survived if she hadn’t.  It felt like a primal instinct to do what she had to survive.  She moved to a place that she deemed least likely for anyone from her past to find her.

Charlie didn’t have any family close by.  She did maintain minimal contact with her family and a few friends back home just so they knew she was still alive.  She went to the extreme of converting her old cell phone number to an older model phone with no GPS capabilities.  She thought this would help conceal her location.  She had obtained an additional cell phone once in Oregon to help keep her old life separate from her new one.

She had also gone silent on all of her social media.  Her email account was mostly abandoned.  For all intents and purposes, Charlie fell off the face of the earth.  The hyper-extreme withdrawal was opposite from how she used to be.  Pain can make you do crazy things.

The day following JC watching her perform, her mind continually drifted back to him.  His blue eyes seared into her brain.  She had always gotten a positive reaction from the bar patrons when she had started singing the year prior but having someone like him staring intently at her while she performed got under her skin.

It was now the morning that JC was scheduled to check out of the hotel.  Charlie had taken over the morning shift from the employee that normally worked.  She thought seeing him through the checkout process and seeing him drive away would shake whatever nagging thoughts she was having.  

Once he was gone, she could go back to normal.   

***

Five lines.  One verse.  It was the most that JC had written in weeks.  The words hit him out of the blue and he had damn near knocked over the bedside lamp to get them on to paper.  A sense of relief washed over him that he seemed to have a little of his music ability back.

He spent the following day trying to build on the verse he’d written.  The images of Charlie performing still lingered in his mind.  Even though she had performed other artists songs, she made a connection to the words she sang.

No additional progress was made in adding to what he wrote but JC was encouraged.  Cannon Beach was giving him the inspiration he needed.

The morning he was due to check out of the hotel, JC wandered down to the front desk.  The hotel provided a continental breakfast and hunger was ruling his thoughts at the moment.  He was pleasantly surprised to see Charlie behind the front desk.  The only other people in the lobby were an elderly couple.

“Morning.”  JC offered a toothy grin to Charlie as he breezed past in need of caffeine and sustenance.  He loaded a small plate with fruit and a muffin.  He accompanied it with a large cup of coffee.  The food disappeared quickly and with his coffee cup refilled, JC approached the front desk.   

“We hope you’ve enjoyed your stay with us sir.”  Charlie plastered a fake smile on her face.

“You don’t have to call me sir.  Josh is fine.  My stay has been wonderful so far.”  JC allowed his eyes to lazily scan over Charlie, noting she was back in her casual attire.

“Well, we hope you’ll visit us again in the future.  Are you ready for your final bill?”  Charlie stepped in front of the computer to finalize JC’s check out.

“Actually, I think I would like to extend my stay if possible.  Through the end of the week.”  JC watched as Charlie seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds.  She quickly recovered.

“Let me check what we have.”  Charlie twisted the silver stud in her left ear as she referenced her computer.  The silence stretched on for several moments.

“Is there an issue?  Place already booked up?”  JC leaned over the counter to try to steal a glance at the computer screen.  Charlie turned the screen away from his prying gaze.

“No issue.  Just updating the reservation.  So checking out Friday?”

“Make it next Sunday.”  Charlie forced herself to suppress a groan of dread.  This wasn’t helping to get back to normal.

“You are all set for a Sunday check out.  I just need your room key to rekey it for the extension.”  JC obliged the request and surrendered his room key to Charlie.  She promptly fixed it, sliding it back across the counter.  “Have a great day.”

“Actually, I was curious if you could make some recommendations on things I might be able to do while I’m here.”  Charlie was a bit unnerved since she had done just that when JC checked in a few days ago.  He obviously paid no attention to the spiel she gave all new check ins.

“Yeah.  There are lot of art galleries and shops along the main stretch through town that are worth checking out.  You can visit Haystack Rock.  You’ll recognize it immediately if you’ve ever seen the movie ‘The Goonies’.”

“What about you?  What do locals do here?”  Charlie chuckled since she really kept to herself and didn’t hang out with other locals.

“I guess most locals hike, camp, and fish.  Being a coastal town, we mainly cater to tourists passing through.”

“So you fish?”  JC could tell that his questions were getting on Charlie’s nerves.  He found it kind of cute.  She remained professional throughout the entire exchange.     

“I go occasionally.  There are some good spots along the Nehalem River you could check out.  You should be able to get some gear and a map to guide you were to go from one of the shops around here.”  Charlie tried to make herself appear busy to end the exchange with JC.

“Could you maybe be my tour guide?  I haven’t been fishing in years and it would be great if a local could show me around.”  JC knew he was grasping at straws but he attributed his spark of inspiration the other night to Charlie so he was willing to try anything to see if lightning would strike again.   

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.  Besides, I haven’t really lived here that long so I don’t know that I’m your best option.  The guys at the shop next to the bar can give you a better idea of where to go.”  This is going downhill fast for Charlie.  Her plan of being rid of JC was failing quickly.

“Come on.  Help me out here.  I just need to get out to clear my head.  What’s better than fresh air and fishing?  I promise I’m not a crazed serial killer.”  JC was hoping for a genuine smile out of Charlie.  She laughed at his joke but her smile still didn’t reach her eyes.

“And how do you know I’m not a crazed serial killer?  I could be a female Norman Bates, running this quaint little hotel while my mother’s dead body lay in the basement.”  JC’s hearty laugh caused the elderly couple to give him a funny look.

“Well, you’re much better looking than Anthony Perkins so I’ll take my chances.  Please?  You gotta have a day off from your God knows how many jobs at some point.”  There was a long silence and JC could tell Charlie’s resolve was cracking.  He offered a cheesy grin hoping to solidify her hanging out with him.

“I do have a few days off starting tomorrow.  I could take you to a good spot I found last fall for fishing.”  Charlie figured she could suck it up for a day.  She’d allow JC to get his fix of being a normal person out of his system so he would soon move on.  She didn’t hate the look of pure joy that crossed his features when she finally relented.  He gleefully slapped the counter he was leaning on.

“Great!  So when and where can I pick you up?”

“How about I pick you up.  Wednesday morning, seven AM, I’ll be here to pick you up.”

“Wednesday at seven it is.”  JC’s smile beemed.  “See you then.”

Charlie watched him exit the lobby.  She let out an exasperated sigh when the door closed behind him.  One day wouldn’t kill her.

***

Charlie was standing out on her back porch, nursing a cup of coffee.  The only sounds were wildlife waking and the rushing water of the Nehalem River a few hundred yards down the hill from her home.  It was just after six in the morning and she was due to pickup JC in less than an hour.  A cold, damp chill hung in the air.  The sun was already making its upward crawl into the mostly cloudless sky.

The day following her agreement to take JC fishing, Charlie racked her brain to come up with an excuse to get out of it.  Other than something lame like she wasn’t feeling well, she couldn’t really think of anything.  His joyful expression still replayed in her mind and she would have felt like a douche bag if she bailing on him.  She was falling into old patterns; foregoing what she wanted to make others happy.

As was the case prior to moving away from home, Charlie catered to the demands of her friends, family, exes, and coworkers.  She was always putting her wants and needs on the back burner to ensure those around her were happy.  In her mind, their happiness equalled her happiness.  Deep down, that wasn’t the case.

Charlie learned the hard way that the people you love the most are not always going to be there for you when you need them the most.  She always made herself available to those who needed her support.  When the tables turned, she only seemed to have herself in those times.  Her seclusion was her way of being there for herself.

The day wasn’t getting any younger and Charlie gave up on trying to make an excuse to get out of her fishing trip with JC.  She finished the final few tasks of getting ready.  She had already packed all the gear they would need the prior evening.

Grabbing a cooler with drinks and food, Charlie whistled for her two companions that would be accompanying her and JC on their jaunt.

***

Promptly at seven, Charlie pulled up along JC’s parked truck.  He peaked out the window when he hear her SUV pull up.  He stood watching for a moment as she exited the vehicle followed by two rather large dogs.  One was a copper colored boxer and the other a rottweiler.  He watched her give a command to the dogs which they both obeyed immediately.

JC exited his room, not moving any further than the step just outside his door.  He took in Charlie’s casual appearance.  Her hair was pulled into into a low bun, topped with a baseball cap.  Her long sleeve t-shirt hung a bit loose around her torso.  A pair of old jeans and hiking boots completed her look.  As was the case every time he had seen her, she was makeup free.  He rather liked the simple, natural beauty of her features.

Charlie approached JC, stopping about six feet from where he stood.  The two dogs calmly sat on the sidewalk next to her vehicle.  A shy smile lingered on Charlie’s lips.

“So, I hope you don’t mind I brought these two with me.”  She threw a gesture towards the two waiting K9’s.  “They love going down to the river.  Besides, gotta protect myself in case you really are a crazed serial killer.”  JC gave a strangled chuckle.

“I love dogs.  They won’t maul me will they?”  It was Charlie’s turn to chuckle.

“No, as long as you don’t try to come after me, you’re safe.  Ginny, come.”  At Charlie’s command, the boxer trotted to her.  “This is Ginger.  I call her Ginny for short.  Go say hi.”  Once again, the dog obeyed, approaching JC.  He offered his hand for the animal to smell before kneeling down.  Within moments, his face was covered in wet dog kisses.

“Well I’ve already won this one over.  Hi Ginny.”  JC vigorously scratched behind the boxer’s ears eliciting more face licks.  Charlie called over the other patiently waiting dog who promptly saddled up beside its master.

“And this big guy is Cosmo.”  The dog looked up at Charlie when she placed her hand on top of his head.  She glanced down at the dog before nudging him.  “Go on.”  The rottweiler apprehensively walked toward JC who went through the same motion of offering his hand for the dog to sniff.

“Hi Cosmo.”  Much to Charlie’s surprise, Cosmo took to JC rather quickly, licking his hand after a few head rubs.

“Wow, he’s never taken to someone so quickly.”

“Well he obviously knows good people when he sees them.  I guess your protection plan theory is shot to hell.”  A devilish grin spread across JC’s face.

“You’re welcome to test the theory.  I hold no liability for any injuries.  You had fair warning.”  Charlie turned on a heel and walked in the direction of her truck.  Both dogs fell in step with her.  JC’s head fell back in laughter.  He slid into the passenger seat while she situated the dog in the rear of the vehicle.  She joined him the front of the cab, heading in the direction of their destination.

The first several minutes of the car ride were quiet.  The radio was tuned to a Top 40 station.  Charlie quietly sung along to each song that played.  JC stole small glances in her direction from behind his sunglasses.

While he may have thought she didn’t notice, each time his head lolled to the side from its place on the head rest, she felt his eyes on her.  She just prayed he didn’t see the slight blush creeping up her neck.  JC finally broke the silence.

“How far is this amazing fishing spot you’re taking me to?”  Charlie took her eyes off the road momentarily to meet his gaze.  He had moved his sunglasses to rest atop his hat.  As discreetly as possible, she dropped her eyes down his hooded sweatshirt over his t-shirt and blue jeans.  She swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

“Not too far.  Maybe twenty or so minutes.”  Her eyes were back on the road.  She hadn’t caught JC’s smile when he saw her checking him out.  “You got somewhere else you gotta be?”

“No, not at all.  I’m yours all day long.”  JC scooter lower in the seat to get more comfortable.  “What kind of music do you have in your CD player right now?”  He hit the truck’s CD button, not giving Charlie a chance to answer.  The vehicle filled with a rock song.

“I change my CD’s so often I couldn’t tell you what’s in there right now.”  Recognition hit Charlie after a few moments of the song played.  “Soundgarden.”

“Good CD” he offered simply.  JC found a CD holder with various discs sitting at his feet.  He flipped through them noting the variety.  “You are all over the map.  Elton John, Aaliyah, Powerman 5000, Whitney Houston, Christina Perri.  By the way, that song of hers you sang the other night was pretty amazing.”

“It was whatever.”  Charlie chewed on her thumb nail as her eyes focused on the road.

“Seriously.  How long have you been singing?”  She refused to meet JC’s gaze.

“Not long.  Kinda started as a fluke thing.  Lead singing got sick last minute.  I couldn’t have my bar regulars disappointed so I filled in.  Everyone loved it and I sing a few songs every week now.”

“You write any of your own songs?”  JC continued to flip through the book of CD’s waiting for Charlie to answer.

“Uh, no.  I express myself better with other people’s words.  I’ve never been able to write anything good.”

“I saw you writing in a notebook that first night in the bar.”  Charlie waited for JC to continue this thought but he just kept flipping through her CD collection.

“It’s just random rantings and drawings.  Nothing of substance.”  This time JC pulled his eyes from his task to gaze at Charlie.  She stared straight ahead.

“Random rantings are how most songs are written.”  She didn’t offer any additional comment so he decided to change the subject.  “You said before you haven't lived here long.  How long have you been in Cannon Beach?”

“Couple years.”  Charlie was glad for the subject change but knew the current line of conversation could go down a path she wasn’t ready for.

“And you like it here?”

“Sure if you like rain and cold and clouds, it's great.”  The sarcasm in her voice was thick.  JC turned in his seat so he was facing Charlie.

“Then why are you here?  Where's home?”  And just like that, the conversation went exactly where she didn't want it to.  She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments.

“I needed to get away to clear my head.  I felt like I was suffocating and couldn't breath.”  JC watched at Charlie seemed to zone out as she spoke.  Her face void of any emotion and her voice monotone.  “I was drowning.  As for home, I don't really know but at least I'm not trapped anymore.”

Charlie came out of her trance and realized she shared more than she intended.  She shyly glanced at JC.  She was fiddling with the sliver stud in her left ear as she did so often.  He was shocked she had shared something so personal.  He recently felt just as she had.

“I know the feeling.  Everything is pressing down on you and you need to escape.  Nobody can fix it but you so you get away to figure out the solution.”  At that moment, it felt like he was in her head.  He was reading her thoughts and speaking them out loud.  This made her feel raw and exposed; feelings she didn’t want to cope with.

“If you don’t mind, we’re gonna stop at the next gas station before heading to the river.  I want to grab a coffee and use the restroom.”

“Fine with me.”  The rest of the car ride to the gas station was silent.  An anxiety was building in Charlie from their conversation.  She needed a release; it was the only thing that would get her through the rest of this day.

Charlie made a beeline straight for the restroom once they arrive at the gas station.  Thankfully, it was a single person bathroom.  After locking the door, she frantically dug through her purse looking for her old friend.  She refused to let any tears fall.  She didn’t want to have to explain suddenly bloodshot eyes.  

The small blade pressed into her flesh ever so slightly and blood raised from the cut.  Her head fell back in relief.  Her mind cleared and the anxiety settled.  A few deep breathes cleansed her emotions.

A knock sounded on the door that brought Charlie out of her euphoric state.  “Charlie?  I got your coffee.  I’ll be out by the truck when you’re ready.”  She glanced down at her arm and the sink both running red with blood.

“Uh, just washing my hands.  I’ll meet you out there in a sec.”  She quickly cleaned herself up, placing a band-aid from her purse over the cut.  One last look in the mirror showed her that she was ready to face him again.

When Charlie settled back into the driver seat, JC noticed a change in her.  She had been really tense prior to pulling in and now she seemed calm and relaxed.  How could a trip to the bathroom turn her mood around one hundred and eighty degrees?  His only explanation was drugs.  He debated confronting her.

“You okay?  You seem different suddenly.”  The smile Charlie offered was obviously forced.  Her eyes, while blank and hollow as usual, seemed clear.  She didn’t look strung out to JC.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Ready to get to the river.  Just so you know, if you catch anything and you want to eat it, the rule is you gotta clean the fish as well.”  JC didn’t push the subject of her mood change any further.  He chose to enjoy that she seemed more talkative.

“I have no issue getting my hands dirty but I really have no way to cook any fish in my hotel room.  Unless you wanna cook me dinner tonight at your place?”  Once again, he knew he was pushing his luck with Charlie.  He thought with her sudden change of mood, she might be more willing.

“Let’s see how well you do out there before we commit to anything.”

The rest of the conversation during the fishing trip was pleasant but very surface.  Nothing too deep was discussed.  JC was quite impressed with Charlie and her fishing abilities.  She knew her way around a fishing pole and quickly began reeling in fish.  He was enjoying the peaceful outdoor atmosphere as well as the company.

By late afternoon, they headed back to Charlie’s with their haul from the river.  It was a much shorter drive to her house than JC expected.  Like most of the houses he had seen in the area, her house was cedar-sided; it was single story with a large bay window.  Large trees surrounded the house providing a lot of privacy.  The home was about a mile from any other homes.

While JC was impressed with the outside of the house, the inside was nearly breathtaking.  It wasn’t a particularly large house but the huge picture windows and unique angles of the walls throughout gave the place a bigger feel.  The best part was the amazing view of the river from the back porch.

What struck him was that there wasn’t a single photo of any of Charlie’s friends or family.  She seemed to have completely stripped herself for everyone.  The walls were adorned with artwork and photos of landscapes.  While beautiful, it seemed impersonal and somewhat cold.

As promised, Charlie put JC to work cleaning and gutting fish in preparation for dinner.  The conversation remained light.  Discussions included places they’d visited, concerts they’d attended, movies they liked.

JC wasn’t aware whether Charlie knew who he was but if she did, he appreciated that she allowed him be a normal person for however long it lasted.  Not having a barrage of questions about his life, especially from a woman, was a nice change of pace.  She seemed unfazed by it.

“So what’s your favorite Disney movie of all time?”  JC shoved a piece of fish in his mouth waiting for Charlie to answer.

“I don’t think it’s possible to have only one favorite Disney movie.  There’s so many.”  She contemplated the question for a moment.  “I guess I’ve always loved ‘Beauty and the Beast’.”  This caused a chuckle to bubble in his throat.

“Really?  For some reason you didn’t strike me as the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ type.  You realize that that movie is essentially a children’s movies about Stockholm Syndrome, right?”  Charlie’s fork fell to her plate causing a loud clank to ring through the dining room.  For the first time, JC heard a genuine laugh from her.  It was carefree.  He liked the sound of it.  When their eyes met, for the briefest of moments, he saw a flash of life and happiness appeared.  As quickly as it had come, it disappeared.  Her mask having only slipped for a second.

“You can’t be serious.  Stockholm Syndrome?  That’s insane.”  Charlie shook her head in disbelief.  A smile still lingering on her lips.

“Think about it.  You’ll realize I’m right.  Belle falls in love with the one who held her captive.  Classic Stockholm.”

“Okay, smart ass.  What’s your favorite Disney movie?”

“Easy.  ‘Flight of the Navigator’.”  Charlie stared at JC, clueless as to what movie he was referring to.  “Oh come on!  You’ve never seen it?  A young boy who time travels with aliens and a wisecracking robot.”

“Never heard of it.”

“You’re missing out.”  JC watched Charlie try to stifle a yawn.  He looked down at his watch, seeing it was nearly ten o’clock.  “Wow, I had no clue how late it was.  I’ll help you clean this up and call a cab so I can get out of your hair.”

JC moved to gather their dishes but Charlie waved him off.

“Don’t worry about this.  Besides, you’re not going to get a cab in this area at this time of night so I’ll drive you back.”  She placed their plates in the sink and grabbed her keys.

“I don’t wanna put you out.  You’re obviously tired.”

“It’s fine.  Really.  If you walk, you’re likely to run into wildlife that will make you their dinner.”

Once again, their car ride was mostly quiet.  Charlie watched JC from the corner of her eye.  He was engrossed in his cell phone the entire trip.  What she didn’t know was that song lyrics were racing through his head at the moment.  His fingers were flying over the buttons to get the words down before he forgot them.

“We’re here.”  JC looked up from his phone to find they were indeed parked back in front of the hotel.  He turned to Charlie who had an amused smile on her face.  

“Sorry, didn’t realize I tuned out.”

“Must have been important.”

“Something like that.”  JC contemplated his next move carefully.  He took ahold of Charlie’s hand that was resting on the truck’s console.  “I really appreciate you hanging out with me today and taking me out to the river.  I had a great time.  And dinner was great.  Thank you for everything.”

His thank you was also for becoming a muse to him but he wasn’t ready to tell her that.  Charlie’s eyes fell to their joined hands.  She watched as his thumb gently rubbed the top of hers.  Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him lift her hand to his mouth.  She marveled in the softness of his lips when they kissed her knuckles.  He lingered for a few seconds before placing her hand back on the console.

“Have a good night.”  JC winked at Charlie before he slipped out of the truck and disappeared into his room.  She never found her voice to respond to him.  A long sigh finally escaped her lungs after holding her breath for God knows how long.

As before, Charlie found herself disappointed when he left her presence.

“What the hell is going on?”  

Charlie,

I hate to run out on our plans for Saturday but unfortunately I got a call for work that I have to handle.  Real life rears its ugly head.  I’m not sure when or if I will be able to make it back anytime soon.  My number is below.  I hope you use it.

Talk to you soon.

Josh

Charlie ran her thumb over JC’s written name on the note he scribbled her.  He had flourished the the ‘H’ in his name making a little smiley face.  While corny, she also found it kind of cute.  She had stared at that damn note every day now for two weeks.  She hadn’t gotten the courage to call like he asked.

This was the note that he had left at the front desk of the hotel when he checked out in the middle of the night a couple days after their fishing trip.  The plans he referenced bailing on was a late lunch get together before her shift at the bar.  He had run into her in the hotel lobby and asked her to lunch.

When Saturday rolled around, Charlie sat inside the diner across from the bar for nearly a half hour waiting for JC.  She didn’t have his number at the time and she had never given him hers.  She called the hotel, asking to be transferred to his room.  The front desk clerk informed her that he had checked out suddenly but had left a note.

It pissed her off to no end that she was disappointed in his disappearance.  She was kicking herself for having formed any type of attachment, no matter how small at the moment.  She tried to convince herself to have enjoyed the little bit of attention, knowing that it was only temporary.  He’d go back to his popstar life and forget about her.  She desperately wanted to be okay with that.

Two and a half years.  That’s how long it had been since Charlie had formed any kind of bond with another human being.  Everyone that she had encountered since moving to town she managed to keep at arm's length, even the deputy.  While they periodically had sex, she felt no attachment to him.  Simple exchanges of pleasantries but nothing too meaningful.  This kept the wall around her heart firmly in tact.  No chance for pain.

Why was it that a random encounter with JC continued to get under her skin and now moved to invade her thoughts constantly?  She randomly encountered people, including hot guys, regularly.  She lived in a town that thrived on tourism.  Thousands passed through Cannon Beach in the summer time.

Numerous times over the last two weeks, Charlie has crumpled up and thrown away JC’s impersonal goodbye note.  She had no intention of ever using his phone number.  She told herself that he likely gave her a fake number.  He was easing the blow of bailing out.

Each time she threw the paper away, she would retrieve it from the trash; smoothing out the wrinkles.  She’d run her fingers over his name.  A ghost of a smile played on her lips thinking about each of their encounters.  He was the first person in two and half years that had wormed past the outer layer of the protective fortress she built around herself.  She had never had anyone over to her house since she moved in until him.  

Why?

That was the question she kept asking herself.  Why had he shown up in Cannon Beach?  Why had he come back?  Why did he make a point to seek her out numerous times?  Why had she allowed him into her small bubble of protection?  Why did she continue to torture herself with thoughts of him?  Why was the smell of his cologne still imprinted in her brain?

“Charlie?  Can I get a little help?  It’s picking up.”  Charlie glanced up at the young bartender that had poked her head into the back office, shaking the thoughts of him from her mind for a brief moment.  It was another Saturday night and the regulars were wandering in for their weekly escape from reality.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a sec.”  Charlie shoved the battered paper that was JC’s note into her purse.  She planned to burn it when she got home after her shift tonight.  He was gone.  He’d long forgotten her and wouldn’t be back.  Life moves on.  She should know better than anyone.

People always leave.

***

Seventeen long hours of driving.

That’s how long it had taken JC to drive straight through from LA to Cannon Beach.  He was nearly delirious when he finally parked his truck around the corner from the bar.  He contemplated flying and renting a car but since he again had no real itinerary for how long he planned to stay, driving himself was more cost effective.

That was one of the few facts those stupid teen magazines got right.  JC didn’t consider himself cheap but he was always conscious of what he spent his money on.    

It had been two weeks since he had last been in Oregon.  His manager had called him late one night telling him he needed to get home to rehearse and promote for an upcoming appearance.  It was a televised performance on ‘Good Morning America’ that he was excited for.  No one says no to Smokey Robinson.

JC hated that all he had done was leave Charlie a note.  He didn’t want to creep her out by showing up at her house uninvited.  He hated more that she hadn’t called him.  He thought the chances were slim but he held out hope.  He did try calling the bar and hotel a few times, leaving messages for her but she never called back.

Charlie had dominated his thoughts his entire time away from Cannon Beach.  Something about her drew him in.  He wanted to be in her presence.  Besides her influence on his writing, he felt a comfort around her; he felt at ease.  He had been in relationships in the past with women that he eventually fell in love with but never had this sense of calm ever occurred.

JC liked the feeling.  He just needed to get her to open up more to him.  He had started that before his abrupt departure.  He took her not calling him back after leaving her messages that she didn’t expect to ever see him again.  He hoped she wouldn’t be scared away by his sudden return.  He felt compelled to be there.

The clock on the dash showed that it was nearing eleven PM.  He had been on the road since five AM.  He knew he should have just gone to the hotel and went to bed but he wanted, needed to see Charlie.  Any exhaustion that he felt from the long drive had dissipated for the moment due to his excitement of what waiting for him inside the bar.

JC exited his vehicle and pulled his jacket tighter around him to try to fend off the cold October air.  He inhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh, clean smell of the unpolluted air.  As was typical of this part of the country, it had recently rained and the air was saturated with moisture.

He hurried to the entrance of the bar, hoping that Charlie hadn’t already performed.  As he passed the window, he could see she was already on stage.  He slipped into the warm space, tucking himself in a dark corner to watch, hoping she didn’t see him yet.  His eyes were drawn to her like a magnet, unable to look away.  He smiled at the slight irony of the song she was singing at the moment.

Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home

Let that city take you in (come on home)
Let that city spit you out (come on home)
Let that city take you down, yeah
For god sakes turn around

Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
Yeah well, maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don’t receive you
Well, turn yourself around and come on home

While Cannon Beach wasn’t JC’s home, he was surely needing to escape the bright lights of celebdom for a moment and Charlie was a great distraction.  He watched her from his dark corner as she leaned over to the lead singer of the band to whisper something to him.

The crowd looked to be the usual group of locals with a mixture of wide-eyed tourists that had stumbled upon the place by chance.  Lots of chatter filled the air as the band geared up for the next song.  His eyes landed on Charlie again.

God, she’s beautiful was all JC could think.  She dressed as she normally did in jeans and a fitted sweater.  No makeup and her long brown hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders.  She was so natural, so real.  She had an air of confidence about her when she was singing.  He wanted to see that confidence in her off the stage.

The guitar riff of a popular Green Day song began to play.  This caused JC to chuckle softly.  He was interested to see how it sounded sung by a woman.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

As he expected, Charlie’s voice glided gracefully through the lyrics.  She seemed to pick the most appropriate songs in his opinion.  Though he wished she would sing more uptempo, happier songs occasionally.  

The song closed with a loud reaction from the bar patrons.  Most of the band exited the stage, one guy lagging behind to move an electric keyboard in front of Charlie.  She gave the man a sweet smile as she situated herself in front of the instrument.  

JC held his breath for several moments.  He had no idea she played.  He recalled seeing a small grand piano in the corner of her living room but figured it was decoration.

“Okay guys.  This last one is for all the couples out there.  Grab the one you love and dance along.”  Charlie took a few slow breaths before her fingers began to move over the keys.  JC knew the song instantly.  It was a Bob Dylan song that was covered by Adele not too many years ago.  It wasn’t uptempo but it was slightly happier than her previous choices.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

A good portion of the fifty or so patrons were dancing with a partner.  A drunk older woman danced by herself near the edge of the dance floor.  JC was more in awe of Charlie in that moment if it was at all possible.  The fact she played an instrument drew him in even more.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

“Thank you.”  Charlie bowed to the adoring crowd and hopped off the stage to return to helping the other bartender.  She was tendering a transaction at the cash register when her counterpart for the night, Sadie, slid next to her, bumping her hip with Charlie’s.

“Your popstar stalker is here.”  Sadie was young, early twenties with blond hair and bright green eyes.  Her skin tight jeans and tank top left little to the imagination.  Her theory was it roped in better tips.  Charlie begged to differ but Sadie was a good worker so she didn’t harp on her too much for her choice in clothing.

“Hush.  I know.  I saw him creep in.”  Charlie’s eyes didn’t waver from her task of making change.  She turned back to the customer she was helping to see that JC was leaning against the bar, a devilish smile playing on his lips.

He had on his signature baseball hat to semi hide his face.  He was wearing a pair of black rimmed glasses and he was clean shaven.  This was the first time Charlie had seen him clean shaven (in person, that is).  She wasn’t sure why, but her eyes lingered on his lips longer than they should have to not seem creepy.

“Here you are dear.”  Charlie snapped out of her momentary trance, handing the change back to the man she had just rung up.  She moved the few steps down the bar to JC.  Her face was pleasant but blank; her eyes, emotionless.  “What are you having tonight?”

“Well hello to you as well.”  JC was slightly miffed that she went straight into business mode.  Not even a simple hello.  He watched her swallow a lump in her throat.

“Hi.”  She offered nothing else, waiting for him give his drink order.  Truthfully, he didn’t really want a drink but ordered a beer so as not seem like he was loitering for no reason.

“I’m really sorry I had to run out in the middle of the night a few weeks ago.  It was an emergency.”  JC took a slow sip of his beer as his change was placed in front of him.  Charlie just shrugged, making light of it.

“As you said in your note, life happens.”

“Well, at least let me make it up to you.  We had a date and I plan on keeping my word.”  JC offered a warm smile to get Charlie to open up.

“Please tell me you didn’t come all the way back from wherever you came from to buy me a ten dollar sandwich?  If it so compelled you, you should have just mailed the cash and we’d have been even.”  Charlie grinned wryly, shaking her head in amazement.

“I planned on springing for dessert too so ten wouldn’t have covered it.  As I said, I keep my word.”  JC reached slowly across the bar to take her hand resting atop the bar.  She pulled back when she caught his movement.

“Well, thank you for the offer but I’m gonna have to decline this time.”  Charlie moved to walk away but this time he managed to catch her gently by the wrist.  Her eyes stayed on their joined hands for several moments before raising to meet his.  His smile was warm.

“Come on.  Please?”  His thumb moved back and forth across her hand, trying to encourage her to change her mind.

“I’ve got customers,” was all Charlie offered before pulling away to tend to other patrons.

At that moment, her rejection along with the painfully long drive back to Cannon Beach caused JC to feel his exhaustion ten fold.  Charlie watched from the corner of her eye as he abandoned his full beer, leaving the bar abruptly.  A breath that she had been holding for God knows how long came out in a deep sigh.

She was going to burn that note when she got home

***

Charlie was never so thankful when she finally locked up the bar and started to make the short walk to her truck.  Seeing JC again had drained her, even though the interaction was brief.  She was confused why he showed up again.  

Was he looking to get laid?  He could very well do that back home.  No need to come hundreds of miles for sex.

She was trying her best to keep him at arm’s length to prevent any attachments yet he still came back.  This was getting too out of control for her liking.  Right now, she just really needed sleep.

“Charlie!”  The sound of rapid footfalls hitting the wet pavement startled Charlie as she reached for the driver side door handle.  She immediately recognized the voice as JC’s.  She didn’t move to face him.  “Wait up.”

He came to a stop less than a foot away from her, waiting for her to turn to face him.  She didn’t.  She stayed facing her truck, her head bowed, her eyes closed as she silently wished him to go away.

“Josh……”  A warm feeling came over JC.  It started in his head and moved rapidly through his entire body.  This was the first time he actually heard her say his name out loud and he rather enjoyed it.  He closed the last bit of space between them.  

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said my name.”  Her head still down, Charlie tilted her head slightly in JC’s direction.  He reached out to her, placing both of his hands on her upper arms.  Leaning in slightly, his senses were taken over by the smell of her.  The fruity yet slightly spicy smell of her shampoo, the delicate scent of her feminine perfume, the clean smell of her clothes even with the scents of the bar mixed in.

“Why are you here?”  Her voice was barely above a whisper.  She felt froze in place, trapped between JC and the truck.  His hands slowly rubbed up and down her arms.  He leaned closely to her ear.  His breath hot on her neck which caused a shiver to run down Charlie’s back.

“You.”  She moved to release his hands from her arms.  Her hand went to pull open the door but his hand blocked the movement.  She whipped around to finally face him.  Her face angry but her eyes still blank and lifeless.  He took a step back from her.

At this point, JC just wanted to see some form of emotion in her eyes.  Even if it was anger, fear, resentment, some type of damn feeling.  Anything.  

“Are you looking for an easy fuck because I hate to break it to you Josh, you’re barking up the wrong damn tree?”  There it was.  He finally saw a flash of anger spark in her eyes which caused him to smile.  This really pissed off Charlie.  “Did I say something funny?!?”

“I’m not looking for an easy fuck, as you put it, honey.  I don’t need to travel this far for a lay.  I actually thought we had a connection and I liked hanging out with you.  I wasn’t purposely on a road trip looking for a connection with someone but I found one.”

“You call one fishing trip and a few run ins a connection?  Is this kind of popstar outreach program where you find a lonely woman in a small town and break her out of her shell?  I’ll pass but thanks.”  The sarcasm was dripping thickly from Charlie’s words.  JC’s head fell back and his eyes closed.  She obviously knew who he was.  

“How long have you known who I am?”

“Oh please spare me!  Don’t go get a big ego on me.  I don’t live under a rock, JC.”  It was his turn to meet her eye to eye with anger.  Other than the fishing trip, this was the most he had gotten her to talk.  Even if they were arguing, he didn’t want it to stop.

“It’s Josh.  JC is my stage name.  Don’t use my stage name.”  Charlie didn’t realize this would created such a forceful reaction from him.  Her eyes fell to ground.  She just wanted the conversation to be over.  “Look, I’m sorry I snapped.  I wasn’t sure if you knew who I was.  I wasn’t trying to hide it but I’m not flaunting it either.  I was looking to get away for awhile.  I threw caution to the wind and decided to take a fucking road trip.  I needed to decompress and clear my head.  I happened here by chance.  I can’t say that I’m disappointed.  You let me be a normal person without prodding me about my life.  Truly a fucking rarity in this day and age.  I know I don’t have it as bad as some famous people but it’s still exhausting none the less.  I didn’t want to leave two weeks ago but I didn’t have a choice.  I knew I had to come back.  Crazy as it may seem, I wanted to see you again.”

JC’s rambling confession cut through Charlie.  The last thing she expected was for him to be so forthcoming, so honest.  She felt pretty small at that moment.  Her gaze had met his once again in the middle of his tirade.

“What do you want from me?”  She couldn’t think of anything else to say at the moment.  He closed the gap between them again, nearly pinning her against the truck.  This time, his hands came up to cradle her neck, his thumbs stroking each of her cheeks.  He forced their eyes to maintain contact.

“A friend.  I connected to you because of your musicality.  I enjoy spending time with you.  I want a friend.”  JC continued to stroke Charlie’s cheeks and licked his bottom lip.  Her breathing became shallow by this action.  She knew what was coming next.  His breath fanned across her lips.  Her fists were clenched so tight at her sides, her finger nails left deep, half-moon imprints in her palms.  Her eyelids fluttered shut as she felt him tilt her head.

A loud whooping of police sirens snapped Charlie and JC out of their trance.  A bright light landed on both of them resulting in them using their hands to shield their eyes from the blinding intrusion.  The moment was ruined.

“Is everything okay here, Charlie?”  Nither one of them could see the officer because of the beam shining on them but Charlie knew the voice.  It was the graveyard shift sheriff’s deputy doing his regular patrol through town.

“Yeah Ricky, we’re good.  Thank you for checking.”  The officer turned off the light, giving them both relief from the painful invasion.  He watched the two of them for a few more moments before re-entering his squad car.  He pulled his car to the opposite side of the road where he parked.  Charlie assumed Deputy Ricky would sit there until she safely made it into her vehicle and was on her way.  “I need to go.”

JC stopped her from getting in the truck.  He had been so close to kissing her and he felt he almost broke through the wall she put up.

“Please don’t--.”  Charlie placed a hand on JC’s chest, causing him to shut up instantly.

“Please.  Just give me a minute to think.  I just need….I want a moment to breath.  Please give me that Josh.”  He gave a slight nod, putting a few feet of distance between them.  She slipped inside the truck, driving away slowly.

JC was left standing in the middle of the road, watched Charlie’s taillights disappear in the distance.

A friend.

Charlie rolled that thought around in her head for nearly three days.  JC was looking for a friend.  Didn’t he have a ton of friends, specifically musical friends, coming out of his ears?  He happens upon a random woman in a bar in Podunk Town, USA who sings a few songs from the radio and he wants to be her friend?  

Yeah right.  She was having a hard time believing he was just looking for a friend.  A friend with benefits maybe but not just a friend.

Ultimately, Charlie was thankful they had been interrupted by one of the local deputies before things got out of hand.  She told herself that even if they had kissed that night that nothing more would have happened.  She wouldn’t have allowed it.  She refused to have a repeat of what had been going on with Deputy Matt, especially with a transient popstar.

While it probably seemed cowardly, Charlie did what she could to avoid any further contact with JC.  She managed to rearrange schedules with employees at both the bar and hotel to cover her shifts to give her most of the week off.  They all jumped at the chance for extra hours since work usually slowed this time of year.

Once everything was settled with work, she packed up her and the dogs, deciding to go camping for a couple days so as to ensure no run ins with JC.  Heading about an hour southeast of Cannon Beach to give her the distance needed to avoid him, she found a spot along the Nehalem River.  She hoped the peace of the outdoors and the beautiful scenery, which included tall trees and waterfalls, would provide her a distraction.

Most of the time away was spent reading, hiking, fishing, and sleeping.  While it worked some of the time, Charlie’s thoughts still drifted back to JC occasionally.  It also didn’t help that Sadie would text updates on sightings of him.  He had gone into the bar each night following their last encounter.  He never asked specifically for Charlie.  He would order one drink and leave once finished.

Charlie was just on the edge of consciousness when she heard the doorbell ring.  She had gotten home late the night before.  She couldn’t take the cold nights anymore and decided to go back home.  When the chime of the bell went off, both dogs scrambled.  Cosmo, who had been laying in bed with her, nearly trampled her in his effort to make it to the front door.  She heard Ginny tear through the doggy door at the back of the house, her nails ticked loudly on the wood floors.

Charlie groaned at the uninvited guest at her door.  So few people knew where she lived and she had a pretty good idea who it was.  The dogs barking wildly at the front door gave away that she was home.  She hoped ignoring the visitor would cause them to leave.   But the bell rang again, sending the dogs into another fit of barks.  She glanced at the alarm clock which showed it was only a few minutes after eight in the morning.

“Damnit!”  Charlie threw the covers off of her and huffed to the front door.  She gave no consideration to how she may have looked at that moment.  She snapped her fingers at the dogs and motioned for them to settle.  They both quieted immediately and heeled on command.  Opening the coat closet near the front door, she dug around until she found what she needed.

***

She was avoiding him.  

This realization hit JC pretty quickly when any sign of Charlie disappeared literally overnight.  He tried not to be too obtrusive but when he hadn’t seen her at the bar or the hotel, he caught on that she was doing her best to avoid him.

Why the hell did he give a damn so much?  She was a stranger, albeit a beautiful one, that he felt a need to be around.  He always liked meeting new people, friendly with everyone, but he usually kept a guard up.  He was cautious with anything more than simple interactions; people in his business can turn on a dime.  He tried to protect himself from getting burned.

Maybe in his madness to get away from his chaotic thoughts by taking a road trip, he allowed her to slip past his guard.  She was so unlike what he was used to that he wanted to dig deeper into this illusive person.

That was JC’s problem.  When he found something (or someone) that caught his interest, he threw himself in one hundred percent; he classified himself as a passionate person.  Most of the time, it served him well.  Others, not so much.  At times, he gave too much of himself and ended up hurt but he never let it deter him from trying again.

JC was spending most of his days wandering around the area, trying to clear his mind.  He even managed to navigate to the fishing spot that Charlie had taken him to and enjoyed just listening to the sounds of the area.  His song writing was better than it had been before he met Charlie but he was still struggling at times.  He was still having issues coming up with new melodies and his instruments were continuing to collecting dust in his truck.

As luck would have it, he caught a glimpse of Charlie late the night before.  He was leaving the diner when he spotted her exiting the bar.  He decided that he would stop over at her house the following morning with breakfast if she wasn’t at the hotel.

JC grabbed a couple of breakfast sandwiches and coffees from the diner and made the fifteen minute drive to Charlie’s.  Upon ringing the doorbell, he heard the dogs bark like crazy.  He had peeked in the side window of the garage and saw her truck so he knew she was home.  He just hoped she’d answer.

Shortly after ringing the bell a second time, the dogs abruptly stopped barking.  Moments later, the front door swung open and JC was face to face with Charlie.  A shotgun pointed at him.  He nearly dropped the contents of their breakfast as he stumbled back off the front porch.

“Fucking Christ, woman!  Are you crazy!?!  I’m not here to hurt you.”  JC held the bag of food and tray of coffees out in front of him as some form of a shield.  This amused Charlie but she bit her lip to keep from smiling at his shocked and terrified face.

“You sure you want to call the person holding a shotgun to you crazy?  I’m just a private citizen protecting my property.  Welcome to gun loving Oregon, sweetie.”  Both of her dogs had made their way to calmly sit on either side of her.

“I only brought over breakfast.  No harm intended.  Do you think you could stop pointing that thing at me?”  A sigh of relief escaped JC’s lungs when Charlie finally lowered the gun.  “Thank you.  I can truly say that’s the first time a woman has held me at gunpoint.  Can’t say it was on my bucket list but a new experience all the same.  Wow, that was intense.”

“You ramble a lot.”  This time she didn’t hide her smile.  While still tired, she was amused at his reaction.

“You were holding a gun to my head!”

“You showed up unannounced!  Jesus, you Backstreet Boys are so damn temperamental.”  With that statement, Charlie turned on her heel and re-entered the house.  JC stayed planted a few steps off the porch, slack jawed at what had just transpired.  Her head popped back out the door a moment later.  “You just gonna stand out there or are you gonna feed me?”

JC shook the cloud of confusion out of his head and cautiously entered the house.  He peered around the wall near the front door, looking into the open space of the family room and dining room.  The curtains were drawn closed over the large picture windows leaving the space mostly dark.  Charlie was standing behind the peninsula of the kitchen counter, watching him amusedly.

“You’re safe.  I put the gun away.  Besides, I never took the safety off.”  JC moved more into the space, placing their breakfast on the dining room table.  “Have a seat.  I’ll be right back.”  Charlie disappeared down a hallway.  Both dogs sat on the kitchen floor, wagging their tails at him.  He knelt down to pet both of them.

“Your mom tried to kill me.”  After a few licks from both dogs, JC opened some of the curtains to brighten the space.  He placed both breakfast sandwiches in the microwave to bring them back to temperature.  He sensed Charlie’s presences when she rejoined him.

“Well you’re sure making yourself at home.”  He turned to face her.  Gone was the tank top and low slung linen pajama pants.  She had pulled on jeans and grey t-shirt.  Her once messy hair was tamed into a simple ponytail.  Her feet remained bare, her toes painted a dark color.

“Are you normally this mouthy in the morning?”  JC removed their sandwiches from the microwave, handing one to her.  They sat down opposite each other at the table.

“You interrupted my sleep.  Mouthy Charlie is what you get.”  Charlie prepared her coffee to her liking with a sweetener and a touch of cream.  She groaned when she took the first sip.  “I don’t know what Maggie does to this coffee but it’s the best in town.”

JC was amused by the sudden change in her.  She was playful, witty, and bantering masterfully with him.  He wanted to keep it going but he was dying to know why she did a one eighty with no warning.

“So what have you been up to the last few days?  Haven’t seen you around anywhere.”  He bit into his sandwich, waiting for her response.  She paused mid-bite at the inquiry.

“Keeping tabs on me now?  It comes across a bit stalkerish.”

“I wanted to apologize for obviously alarming you with my sudden presence.  I know I laid a lot on you when I got caught up in the moment.  I’m sorry.”  Charlie shook her head as she finished the bite in her mouth.

“No need to apologize.  I got my revenge with my shotgun.”  A wide smile spread across JC’s face followed by a low chuckle.  Her blank eyes were still really bothering him.  He didn’t understand how she managed to keep her eyes so expressionless all the time, even when she was in this playful mood with him.  “I went camping for a couple days to clear my head.  Got in late last night when I couldn’t take the cold anymore.”

“You went camping by yourself?”

“Yeah.”  She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as if it was nothing.  She motioned to the two dogs lying at her feet.  “I did take Laurel and Hardy here with me for protection.  I know they seem harmless but I felt safe.  It’s not the first time I’ve gone alone.”

A new wave of admiration washed over JC.  Each time he interacted with her, he discovered another aspect of her that amazed him, in a good way.

“Who are you?  Do women like you really exist?”  This time Charlie chuckled.

“Have you never met a woman who knows how to live independently before?  I’m sure in your line of business you have met many women that would make me ashamed of my fellow hormonal gender but come on now.  There has got be more like me out there.  I pray there is for the sake of the human race.”

They ate in silence for a few moments.  JC crumpled the paper from his sandwich, throwing it into one of the discarded paper bags.  His curiosity got the best of him regarding her change of attitude.

“So I have to ask.  Why the change in attitude towards me all of the sudden?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m rather enjoying our witty banter but it’s truly unexpected.”  Charlie followed suit of finishing her sandwich and placing the wrapper in the bag.  She took a slow drink of her coffee, delaying her answer.

“Truthfully?”  JC nodded.  She took a deep breath before continuing.  “I figured I’d let you get whatever it is in your system out with needing to act like a normal person.  Hang out with a normal person, do normal, mundane things.  Then you’d go back to you celebrity life and forget about me.  I could go back to my normal life.”

He said he wanted her to be truthful and she had most definitely been that.  A long silence stretched between the two of them while he chewed on her response to his questions.

“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?  You make it sound like I’m looking for a plaything to occupy me until I’m tired of you.  I don’t know what you may have read about me but that’s not who I am.  If I make the time and effort to interact with someone, it’s not to use them until they no longer serve me.  I promise that I’m genuine in my sincerity of wanting to be your friend, beyond however long I plan to stay in Cannon Beach.”     

And Charlie had done it once again.  She felt like she should just surgically have her foot inserted into her mouth permanently.  The pained expression on JC’s face and his words cut through her chest.  Her arms folded in front of her on the table and she dropped her head to hide her face.  She knew she was bright red from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not used to this.”  Her response was muffled by her still buried face.  She raised her head but quickly covered her eyes in shame.  “I wasn’t meaning to be harsh.  It sounded better in my head.  I’m not trying to be a bitch.  I’ve just become so accustomed to this small little life I’ve created for myself over the last few years.  I finally have a structure and stability that I really haven’t had before.  You threw me for a loop.  I’m deeply sorry.”

Another silence stretched between them.  If Charlie hadn’t known better, she would have thought JC left he was being so quiet.  She raised her hands to peek at him.  He had that devilish smile on his lips again.

“You ramble a lot.”  He threw her previous observation of him back at her.  Her hands fell loudly against the wood of the table and she gave him a bored look.

“Unreal.”  Charlie scooped up their trash and moved into the kitchen to discard it.  JC was in the middle of a full fledged laugh.  She leaned her hip against the counter near the sink watching him.  Her embarrassment was gone and she enjoyed watching him laugh.  Her eyes grazed over the crinkle of his eyes and the slight scrunch of his nose during his giggle fit.  It warmed her that she caused this reaction in him.

“I think we’re even now, honey.”  It took him a few moments to pull himself back together.  She rolled her eyes and moved around the corner into the living room.  He jumped up from his chair, following behind her closely.

Charlie was startled when JC halted her movement to sit on the couch.  He loosely grabbed her left wrist and place his right hand on the small of her back to guide her to the piano in the corner of the room.  He helped her onto the bench and settled in next to her.  He lifted the fallboard from the keys.

“Is this thing tuned?”  She cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Of course it is.”  She placed her fingers on the keys, feeling the cool ivory on her finger tips.  She began to play “Blackbird” by The Beatles.  Her eyes closed as her hands glided over the keys.  He watched her in awe.  He sang the first verse of the song as she continued to play.

A chill ran down Charlie’s spine hearing the smoothness of JC’s voice.  She stopped playing abruptly.  It was at that moment she noticed how closely they were sitting to each other.  Her left thigh was pressed firmly against his right thigh.  He was resting his right hand on the bench behind her, leaning in to her.

“Why’d you stop playing?”  She shrugged shyly.  “You know anything more uptempo?”  She nodded slightly before repositioning her fingers.  She played the opening bars to “It’s Gonna Be Me”.  He snorted a chuckle as his head fell to her shoulder.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”  His head raised to meet her gaze.  A shy smile lingered on her face.

“So you’re a fan?”

“I never said I was fan but as I said before I don’t live under a rock.  I was turning eighteen around the same time your guys ‘No Strings Attached’ album was released and you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing you guys.”  He quickly did the math in his head to figure out her age, figuring she was around thirty two .  “Why don’t you play something?  You’re a songwriter and musician.”

JC ran his thumb nervously down the wide bridge of his nose a few times.  He repositioned himself on the bench, pushing the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows and placed his fingers on the piano keys.

“I haven’t been writing too much lately and even less playing.”  He played a few quick notes.  Charlie played the opening notes of “Chopsticks” which brought back the memory of him doing the same thing just a few weeks prior before taking his road trip.  He joined in.

“Why haven’t you been writing or playing?”  They continued playing the song in the round before he answered.

“I’ve had a pretty gnarly case of writer’s block and haven’t had much luck with melodies lately either.  It’s gotten better but still a struggle.  That was actually my reason for ending up here.  I decided to take a road trip to clear my mind.  Reset myself.”  

Charlie switched gears and began playing Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer”.  JC immediately fell in step playing the song on his half of the piano.

“How long have you played?”  His eyes were fixated on her hands as he became mesmerized at how beautifully they glided over the keys.

“I’ve tinkered with playing the piano on and off since high school.  I really got into learning and playing when I moved here.  I had a lot of free time so I taught myself.  I bought a couple at-home lesson programs and YouTube’d a bunch of videos.”  She turned to smile at him as they continued playing.  “How about you?”

“My mother put me in lessons when I was a child.  At first, I hated it but quickly fell in love with it.  I also play guitar but the piano is my first love.  There is just something about it that calls to me.  You can produce a quiet, soft melody that soothes the soul or bang out a loud, aggressive tune to cleanse the stress of the body.  It’s done well for me over the years.”

“I would say so, popstar.”  Charlie bumped JC’s shoulder with hers.  He smiled widely but kept his eyes on her hands.

“You play any other instruments?”  His eyes traveled up from her hands to her forearms.  He noticed scattered bruises and small cuts in various stages of healing.  Most of the cuts looked to be faint scars.  The bruises were mostly yellowed and nearly invisible.

“I also play the violin.  I started in fourth grade and played all the way through high school.  I haven’t really played much since I graduated.  I gave it a rest because it tore up the tips of my fingers on my left had.”  She turned her left hand over to show the calluses that appeared on her index, middle, and ring fingers.  He noticed more random scars on the underside of her arm.  He stopped playing and ran his fingers lightly over her marred skin.

“What happened?”  JC pulled her right arm towards him to see similar markings and bruising.  Charlie’s heart began to beat fast.  How would she explain her need to harm herself when she couldn’t handle stress and pressure?  She had to think quickly.

“The joys of being a bartender.  Between beer kegs, beer and liquor boxes, broken glassware, and the occasional bar fight, my arms take a bit of a beating.  Occupational hazard.”  This wasn’t completely untrue.  The bruises and some of the marks were from bartending.  She was nowhere near capable of explaining the other marks.

“You really throw yourself into your work.”  He seemed satisfied with her explanation which was a relief.  They both resumed stroking the ivories of the piano, competing to seeing who could play fastest without messing up.  Her fingers faltered and she played a sour note.      

“You’ve had more experience than me.”

“You can hold your own.  You write any of your own music?”  JC’s fingers left the piano, again watching her hands move as she resumed playing, slower this time.  She played “Seasons of Love” from the Broadway musical “Rent”.  “I’ve seen you writing in that notebook of yours.  No song lyrics in there?”

“I guess there are originally writings in there that could be song lyrics.  There are also quotes and song lyrics from other people that struck something in me.  I think the way you feel about playing the piano is how I feel about the written word.  The way someone’s compilation of words can move your soul, tear your heart out, make you fall in love, and enrage you all at the same time.”

Charlie began to play a song that JC didn’t recognize.  It was a slow ballad that was slightly haunting.  Her eyes closed again and she slowly swayed.  

“Did you write that?  I don’t recognize it.”  

“I’ve been playing around with it for a few months.  No words to go with it but it seems to play in a constant loop in my head lately.”  She turned her gaze to him and raised an eyebrow, give him a playful angry face.  “Don’t go taking my melody.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, honey.”  He focused his eyes on her lips this time which she realized immediately.  She quickly turned her head away, concentrating on her fingers playing the melody.  He gently gripped her chin between his left thumb and index finger, bringing her to face him again.  A shaky breath escaped her lips; her fingers stilled on the piano.

“I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate the lack of space between the two of us right now.”  Charlie was trying to lighten the mood and prevent what she was sure was going to happen next.  A smile crept to JC’s lips.

“That was slick fishing but I don’t have a girlfriend.”  His eyes slammed into hers and she felt her mouth dry instantly.

“Well, how do you know I don’t have a boyfriend?”  He instinctively licked his bottom lip, she subconsciously followed suit.  

“I don’t but you gotta tell me to stop if you do.”  The little bit of space between them closed and JC closed his lips over Charlie’s.  A quiet moan sounded in her throat.  His lips were soft and she tasted the faint remnants of his coffee.  His right hand moved to her hip.  The additional contact snapped her out of the moment.  She pulled back.  He was disappointed in the halt of the kiss.

“This isn’t something friends do.”  Charlie’s breathing was slightly labored.  Her mind was reeling and she was cursing herself for allowing the kiss to happen.  She hated herself more for enjoying it.  Her mind flooded with memories of her last serious relationship.  She could never seem to forget them completely but had done a pretty good job of pushing them to the back of her mind over the last few years.  Kissing him brought them to the forefront.  

She began to feel a familiar burn of anxiety in her chest.  Her lungs contracted, no longer from the brief kiss but her building need to escape; a need for release.  She slid off the bench and put a fair amount of distance between them.  Her hands ran down her face.

“I apologize Josh if I gave you mixed signals or made you think I was coming on to you.  I’m trying to become okay with the friends thing.”  Charlie’s use of his name made him feel warm again.  “We shouldn’t get ourselves into something we’re both not ready for.  I…..I…..”

“Charlie…..”  JC rose from the bench and moved towards her.  She shook her head vigorously, holding her hands up for him to stay back.  There was pain and fear in her eyes, two things he never meant to incite in her.  “Charlie, don’t apologize.  I’m the one who came on too strong.  I pushed it too far.  I’m the one who’s sorry.  I scared you and I’m sorry.”

“I don’t….I can’t…..this….”  Charlie couldn’t form a complete sentence.  Her anxiety was wound so tight at the moment.  JC slowly closed the distance between them.  He rubbed his hands up and down her upper arms but kept her at arm’s length.

“It’s okay.  Charlie, look at me.”  Her shifty eyes made their way up to meet his.  “You did nothing wrong.”

Charlie maintained eye contact with JC.  His eyes shone bright with warmth and concern.  A genuine sense of care appeared and a calm washed over her.  She hadn’t seen that kind of look directed at her in a very long time.  It settled the tightness in her chest, relieving her of her need to seek release through self-inflicted pain.

JC saw the relief calm her eyes.  For the moment, he was okay with them appearing blank and hollow.  It was better than what he had just seen.

“Friends?”  He placed his hand out for Charlie to shake, he offered a smile to comfort her.  A blush colored her cheeks.  She placed her hand in his, gently shaking their joined hands.

“Friends.”

The broken pieces of me

Scattered all around my feet

All I’m left with are memories of you

And have nothing left to lose

My scars remind me

Love never comes free

So here’s goodbye to you and me

Charlie’s pen tapped on the paper of her notebook.  She glanced around the nearly empty bar as she sat on her normal perch on the back bar.  Two people.  Two whole people were there tonight.  She checked the time on her cell phone, showing it was only ten PM.  It really shouldn’t have surprised her.  It was a cold Thursday night.  As the days moved deeper into the fall, creeping closer to winter, the nightly crowds tended to become leaner.  Saturday’s were the only busy nights these days.  

Four more hours until closing.

No matter how few people were there, the bar was always open.  The owner’s philosophy was that business was business and the locals always needed a place to unwind.  Since starting her employment there, Charlie could count on one hand the number of times the bar closed other than a few holidays each year.

Truthfully, nights like these didn’t bother her.  The other bartenders hated it but she rather enjoyed the quiet.  It was likely because it perpetuated her recent actions over the last few years of secluding herself from nearly everyone.

Charlie’s eyes moved back down to the paper in front of her.  She re-read the words she had jotted down a few minutes prior.  One name popped into her mind when seeing her words: Owen.  The thumb of her left hand was wedged between her middle and ring fingers.  She was rubbing her now naked ring finger.

These words along with many other entries in Charlie’s notebook were about her ex-husband, Owen.  She never expected to be thirty two and divorced.  Their last conversation face to face, which had been the day they signed divorce papers, seemed to constantly play in her head.

“Can we talk just you and I for a minute?”  Charlie pled with Owen.

“I don’t advise you to speak without your legal representation present, Owen.”  The stuffy, uptight prick that Owen hired glanced at Charlie while speaking to his client.

“Fuck you, I’m addressing my HUSBAND!”  Charlie’s lawyer placed his hand on her arm at her outburst.  “Sorry.  Please Owen.  This can’t be what you want.  This can’t really be the end.  Just talk to me!”

A long silence stretched between Charlie and Owen.  His hands were crossed in front of him on the shiny conference table.  Her eyes skimmed over his dark blond hair that was buzzed short.  His dark blue eyes were focused down on his hands.  His wide, chiseled jaw had a few days of beard growth.  His broad shoulders slumped slightly.

“Look at me, damn it!”  Charlie’s hands slammed the table top.  Both attorneys jumped as did the court appointed judge and stenographer.  Owen drew in a deep breath before raising his eyes to meet hers.  Her gaze pled with him this time.  “Please Owen.”

“Let’s just get this over with.  I’m ready to sign.”  Owen turned to face the judge.  Charlie felt like she had been punched in the gut.  She had no tears left to shed.

Charlie still had no tears to shed when it came to her ex-husband.  There wasn’t much these days that could make her cry.  The year leading up to the finalization of her divorce had been the worst year of her life.  Everything spiraled out of control after one night and one bad decision.  

One minute, Charlie was finally living the happy life she had always wanted.  In an instant, it was all taken away in one violent swoop.

Her eyes were still downcast to her notebook in her lap when a peanut landed on the page.  This shook her from foggy thoughts.  She raised her head to see JC standing on the other side of the bar from her.  He smiled genuinely at her.  She smiled back weakly.

“Hey space cadet!  Where were you just now?”  JC had briefly seen a pained look on Charlie’s face before her ever present mask was firmly back in place.  He was glad he was seeing more of what was under her facade but the pain of a few moments ago was one he hoped to never see again.

“Daydreaming from extreme boredom.”  She hopped down from her perch, tossing her notebook under the bar.  Her previous thoughts pushed away for the moment.  “Beer?”

He nodded and took a seat while she fetched his beer.  

It had been three weeks since JC had shown up again on Charlie’s doorstep.  They had made an agreement to be friends and he wondered how long she would keep her word.  He expected her to pull another disappearing act but so far she hadn’t vanished.  He too had managed to stay planted in Cannon Beach for the time being but he knew it was only a matter of time before he had to leave again.

JC had managed to handle most business over the phone or via Skype.  He had gotten numerous requests for club appearances and a few charity events.  He really could have given a shit about the club appearances but the charity events were harder to say no to.  His manager had actually pitched him a fundraiser that was coming up the following week up in Seattle at a children’s hospital.  He told him he’d consider it and get back to him.

He was also getting offers on producing gigs.  He never really had an issue with steady work but this was one time he had kind of hoped for a drought.  No such luck though.  The offers were coming in steady and his calendar was filling quickly.  His time was limited with her.

Charlie had been more receptive to JC hanging around.  He finally took her out for the lunch that he had previously bailed on though it took a bit of convincing.  They had also made a few return trip to go fishing which he enjoyed tremendously.  Most of their time spent together was while she was working.  Whether manning the front desk at the hotel or tending bar, he usually found a reason to be in the general vicinity of her.

When Charlie was working the front desk of the hotel, he would sit in front of the fireplace of the lobby with his notebook.  He’d sneak glances at her while she worked and jot down lyrics as they came to him.  Even just looking at her was proving good for his song writing.  A couple times he brought his keyboard with him and managed to pull her away from her work to play.  There was a lot of dead time where she had nothing to do anyway.  He liked listening to her sing and play songs from the radio.  He encouraged her to sing some of the stuff from her notebook but no such luck yet.

While JC was having a hard time of it, he managed to keep their physical contact playful and not too forward.  He hadn’t kissed her again though he was dying to because he had written nearly a whole song back at the hotel after leaving her house when he had kissed her.  Aside from that, he liked kissing her, songwriting muse or not.

The handful of times they had been out and about together, he would link his pinky finger with hers to guide her along.  Each time, the contact didn’t last too long but she wasn’t recoiling either.  

JC was unaware but his small touches, linking pinkies, brushing the side of her arm, placing his hand on the small of her back to guide her, had been a comfort to Charlie.  A comfort she hadn’t experiences since her ex-husband.  While there was nothing sexual about the touches, it provided a security she missed and didn’t realize she craved.  She also appreciated that he wasn’t too forceful.

Most nights that JC would hang out in the bar with Charlie, they passed the time playing cards or random games on each other’s phones.  They discovered that each had a pretty serious competitive side.  They were constantly trying to one up each other.  It was all in good fun and they were enjoying each other’s company.

Their conversations weren’t too serious either which suited Charlie just fine.  They talked a lot about music, specifically songwriting and playing the piano.  JC enjoyed that while she had learned to play via instructional videos, she was much the same as him that she was able to play by ear as well as sheet music.  She had a fondness for 70’s rock music that she would play often on the piano.

He also discovered that she had two younger siblings like he did, though there was a much larger age gap between her and her siblings than between him and his.  She spoke fondly of her brother and sister, claiming she missed them dearly.  She also spoke fondly of her grandmother who seemed to be more of a mother to her.  

“Here’s you go.”  Charlie placed the beer on the bar top.  Since it was so deathly slow, she decided to have a beer herself.  “How’s the songwriting coming?”

JC took a slow pull from the beer, kind of surprised that she was actually joining him for a drink for a change.  He wasn’t aware what the laws were in the state for bartenders drinking on the job.

“You sure you should be drinking behind the bar?”  Charlie took in his amused expression.

“One’s not gonna kill me.  You didn’t answer my questions.”

“It’s coming along pretty good.  Almost finished an entire song.  Hopefully inspiration will strike again soon.”  He took in the two other patrons in the bar.  Both were seated at the far end of the bar, nursing cocktails, looking pretty lit.  “Those two look a few sheets to the wind.”  She glanced down at her only other two paying customers.

“Yeah, they haven’t realized their last two vodka tonics were made with water.”  She snickered before turning back to him.  “So, are you trying to find another way to work the word ‘masturbate’ into a song and the just not finding the right flow?”  The evil grin on her lips was hard to conceal.  He immediately knew what she was referencing.

“Oh, you have jokes tonight.  And you told me you weren’t a fan.”  JC’s eyes playfully narrowed on Charlie.  “That song never got any airplay.  Admit it, you were boyband crazy.”

“You wish, popstar.”  She rummaged under the bar to find their usual deck of cards.  “So what card game am I kicking you ass at tonight?”  He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Careful, honey.  I’m pretty sure I murdered you last night at ‘Go Fish’ numerous times.”  His eyes moved around the bar again, landing on something not far from his seat.  “How about darts tonight?  Switch it up a little.”  He wasn’t a pro but he could handle some darts.

Charlie’s eyes fell on the electronic dart board that sat against the wall.  She turned back to him and gave a pitiful look.  She saw JC’s eyes light up at her anguish.

“Darts?  Really?  I think I’d rather stick to ‘Go Fish’.  I’ll even let you win again.”  His head fell back with a throaty laugh.

“Let me win?!?  You are mouthy tonight.  I’m gonna enjoy kicking your ass at darts.  I’ll go set it up.”  JC slid from his barstool and began to fiddle with the choices on the dart board.  Charlie checked on her other two customers before grabbing the glass of darts and joining him at the board.

“So what are we playing?”  He pushed a few more buttons before sliding next to her.

“The game is 501.  The premise is the first to clear all their points from the board wins.  We go in rounds, each throwing three darts at a time, standing behind this line.”  He pointed to a stripe of tape on the floor.  “You gotta get to zero.  If you go over, you bust and I get another chance to throw.  We just keep going until one of us wins.”

“Seems easy enough.”

“Ladies first.”  JC motioned for Charlie to go first.  She plucked three darts from the glass and stepped up to the line, trying to line up her throw.  She lobbed the three darts at the board hitting a 13, a 5, and a 3.  “21’s not a bad start.”

They switched places.  JC went through a small ritual of placing his foot precisely on the line, he shook out his throwing arm to loosen it up, took two deep breaths, and lined up his first shot.  He threw each dart hitting a triple 10, a 15, and a triple 2.  He turned on his heel, giving her a toothy grin at his score of 51.  He put a little extra swagger in his step, moving back to allow her to throw.

“Okay, simmer down with the sassy attitude, popstar.”  Charlie toed the throw line once again.  She did some exaggerated moves, mocking JC’s previous ritual.  She quickly glanced back at him.  “Did I do all that right?”

“Just throw the damn darts.”  He motioned for her to face back to her task.  She took another second before thrown the three darts at the board.  This time she hit a triple 20, triple 19, and triple 18.  

“A 173 is good right?”  JC blinked a few times at her, dumbfounded by the score.

“Lucky throw.”  They switched spots and his next throw netted him an 85, one dart had hit a bullseye.  Charlie grinned as she moved to line up her next throw.

“Let’s see if I can get lucky again.”  Her next round landed two bullseyes and another triple 19 giving a total score of 157.  “Wow, I’m really lucky tonight.”

“You shark!”  Charlie broke into a fit of giggles at JC’s mock angry expression.  He poked her sides a few times which produced more giggles.  He was enjoying seeing and hearing her laugh.

“I tried to warn you and play cards instead.  Your loss, dear.  I played league darts for a few years.”    

“You are just full of all kinds of surprises.”  At that moment, he had a strong urge to kiss her.  His right hand came around to rest on her lower back as he leaned in to capture her lips but she quickly turned her head, his lips landing on her cheek instead.

“It’s your throw.”  He placed a few more kisses along her jawline and neck before moving to take his next throw.

Charlie gulped down the rest of her beer in an attempt to calm her heart rate.  She figured it was only a matter of time before JC tried to kiss her again.  She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want him to but she chickened out at the last minute when she turned her head.  The memory of the tickle of his week old facial growth gave her a tingly feeling that she quite enjoyed.  

The internal battle going on inside her was raging pretty heavily.  There was so much hidden inside of her that she was afraid to tell people, especially someone she had only met a little more than a month prior.  She knew that if she shared even half of her secrets, he’d run for the hills screaming.

Charlie was beginning to regress back into her previous thoughts of how she could drive JC away.  She didn’t want him to get caught up in someone as screwed up as her.  He hadn’t been pushy about her opening up about her personal life.  She shared a few details but not much.  He had done much of the same, likely due to his life being picked apart in the past by the media.   

She was beginning to enjoy having him around but knew their time was limited.  She had been present a handful of times he took phone calls from his manager.  While she appeared to make herself busy and not listening, she heard him turning down appearances and work or trying to schedule things for future dates.  She knew he could disappear again at a moments notice like before.

Charlie grabbed herself and JC another round of beers while they finished out their game.  The night wore on as they continued playing darts, cards, and even a couple rounds of pool to pass the time.  Her two bar patrons called a friend to pick them shortly before midnight, leaving Charlie and JC alone.

Once alone, she tried to make herself busy with small tasks of cleaning and restocking the bar.  He noticed when he tried to kiss her that her demeanor changed.  She grew quiet and seemed to be deep in thought at times.  He cursed himself for moving too fast again.  He occupied his time with reading emails while she moved about the bar.

The deafening silence between them grew to be too much for JC.  He grabbed Charlie’s hand on one of her passes by him.  He twisted in his seat to face her, positioning her between his legs.  Her hands rested on his upper arms, his rested on her hips.  She didn’t meet his gaze, looking anywhere but his face.  

“Hey.”  His voice was gentle.  Her eyes finally met his.  “I feel like I have to keep apologizing to you.  I obviously scared you again.  Don’t shut down on me.”

Charlie didn’t say anything, she just held JC’s gaze.  Her head was waging war with her heart at the moment.  His hands resting on her hips was causing electric currents to shoot through her whole body.  She raked her teeth over her bottom lip; her heart was winning the war at the moment.

She slowly moved her hands from his arms to around his neck.  Her fingers played with his hair at the nape of his neck.  She watched as his tongue peeked out long enough to moisten his bottom lip.  Her breathing shallowed and her heart rate began to increase.  

This time, Charlie made the first move.  Her lips gently pressed to JC’s.  He drew in a deep breath through his nose at the contact.  He pulled her closer, pressing her chest flush against his, deepening the pressure of their lips.  His fingers slipped just under the hem of her sweater, causing her to moan into his mouth.  The skin to skin contact increased the feeling of electricity coursing through her body.

Charlie’s tongue ran along the seam of JC’s lips, silently requesting access which he immediately granted.  She leaned more into him, the intensity of the kiss increasing.  His hands continued to roam the small of her back and hips.

The sound of the front door slamming caused the two them to pull apart from each other.  Charlie turned to see who had interrupted them.  Her gaze fell on Deputy Matt.  Her eyes closed and her head rested on JC’s shoulder.  She unwillingly removed herself from his grasp and approached the deputy.  She stood a few feet in front of him.

“What can I do for you, Deputy?”  Matt’s eyes blazed with jealousy.  He had obviously caught quite a bit of their kiss.  Charlie was confused why he had used the front door and that he showed up earlier than he had in past visits.

“Since when did we become so formal in our interactions, Charlie?”  His words dripped with venom, moving in closer to decrease the distance between them.

JC couldn’t hear the words being spoken between the pair conversing across the bar, but he could see the hostility between them, especially from the officer.  He even received a few dirty glances from the man as he was speaking to Charlie.  He cautiously kept an eye on the pair as it appeared their exchange became more heated.

Matt reached out the short distance between them, grabbing a hold of Charlie’s upper arm roughly.  JC reacted immediately.  His barstool toppled over as he moved quickly in their direction.

“Fucking let go of me, you prick!”  Charlie grasped Matt’s thumb and bent it backwards until his grip loosened enough for her to yank her arm back.  She stumbled back a few feet, running smack into JC’s hard chest.  His hands gently grasped her shoulders to help her steady.

“Is there a problem, officer?”  JC’s voice was firm, his face stony.  

“Charlie and I were just having a conversation.”  Matt’s eyes never left Charlie, glaring at her with hatred.

“There’s no need to have a conversation with your hands on her.”  This caused Matt to move his gaze to JC.

“I’m going to ask you to step back as this doesn’t concern you, sir.”  Matt gestured for JC to shoo away.  Charlie moved to lunge at Matt but JC caught her around the waist.  She kicked a leg in Matt’s direction but missed due to the restraint of JC’s arm around her.   

“Go fuck yourself, Matt.  Just get out of here and leave me alone.  Go home to your wife and kids for Christ sake.  Just fucking leave me alone!”  She squirmed in JC’s arms, trying to get free.  She finally managed after a small struggle and pushed Matt hard.

“Charlie--”  JC’s voice caught in his throat when Matt drew his weapon, pointing it directly at Charlie.  JC moved slowly to grasp her waist and put himself between her and the gun.  Charlie swatted at his hands, pushing them off of her.

“No, he won’t fucking shoot me.  This bastard is a coward, aren’t you Matty?”  Charlie stared Matt down, walking towards him.  JC was dumbfounded at how brazen she was being with a police officer pointed a gun at her head.  “Just go.  Don’t ever come back.  If you do, I’ll call your fucking wife, you piece of shit!”

A long staredown ensued between Matt and Charlie.  Matt finally lowered his gun, holstering it.  JC let out a breath he had been holding.  He had felt frozen in place.

“You’re not worth it you stupid bitch.”  Matt pushed the door open, disappearing into the cold, October night.  Charlie rushed to the door, pulling it closed and locking it.  There was still almost an hour until closing but she didn’t care.  She didn’t turn to face JC.  Her shoulders heaved as her breathing became labored.

“Charlie…..”  She jumped at the sound of his voice directly behind her, feeling his breath on her neck.  The familiar tightness of anxiety began building in her chest.  She needed to get away from him.  

Charlie briskly walked to the back office located behind the bar.  JC followed behind her a few moments later.  When he entered the office, he found her bent over, frantically digging in her purse from the bottom drawer of the desk.

“Charlie, talk to me.  Are you okay?”  She didn’t look up when he addressed her.

“I will be.”  He pulled her arm until she was in a standing position.  She had something gripped tightly in her hand but he was unable to tell what.  He brushed her hair out of her face, resting a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

“I know he frightened you but it’s over.  He’s gone.”  She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, depositing the small tin container.

“I know.”  Her voice was so small.  His heart ached for her at that moment.

Unexpectedly, Charlie’s arms circled JC’s neck, her forehead resting against his neck.  His arms came around her waist to pull her in for a tight hug.  She pulled back a few moments later, meeting his gaze before crashing her lips into his.  There was a desperation in the kiss that caught him off guard.  It wasn’t like the one they shared earlier.

Charlie’s fingers moved up into JC’s hair, fisting it as their tongues danced together.  When she felt she would pass out from a lack of oxygen, she moved to kiss down his neck, giving them both a chance to catch their breath.  This time, his head and heart were at war with each other.

“Please touch me Josh.”  His hand had been resting on her hips.  He was debating whether he should stop what they were doing.  He could feel her trembling.  Her teeth took his earlobe between them, tugging gently.  “Touch me,” she whispered again.

JC’s hands slid under the hem of her sweater, swiftly moving up to her bra covered breasts.  A pleasure-filled gasp tore from Charlie’s throat when his thumbs grazed across each of her nipples.  His hips pressed her into the desk as their lips found each other again.

He continued massaging her breasts as her hands fumbled with his belt buckle.  The tremble of her hands on his belt caused him to break the kiss.  It was then that he realized how violently her whole body was shaking.  He removed his hands from under her shirt, stilling her hands with his.

“Stop Charlie.  This isn’t how we should be doing this.”  Charlie appeared to wilt like a flower in JC’s arms.  She was humiliated.  A soft sob escaped her lips.  He hugged her close, allowing her to cry out all her frustrations.  “Shhhhhhh, it’s okay honey.”

They stood holding each other for several minutes, her cries finally ceasing when she felt completely drained.  He had almost forgotten but JC remembered that Charlie has slipped something into her pocket.  He slid two fingers into the front pocket of her jeans.  He produced the small tin that she so desperately relied on.  He stared into her hollow eyes.  She made no movement to grab the container from him.  She was completely blank of any expression or emotion.  He opened the cover to find the small silver blade inside.

Charlie bowed her head in shame.  She knew this was the end.  JC looked back and forth between the top of her head and the object in his palm.

“What is this?  Were you--”  The realization seemed to hit him in the face.  He thought back to their day at the piano at her house a few weeks back.  He drew in a sharp breath.  She moved away from him, cowering in a corner of the small office.  She slid down the wall until she was huddled in a ball, her knees pulled against her chest.

A small voice inside JC told him to run.  He had seen some of his friends get involved in crazy shit over the years but this was a first for him.  He didn’t have the first clue how to handle this or help her.  He felt helpless.

His gaze fell on Charlie’s trembling frame in the corner.  While that small voice told him to run, an even louder one told him not to give up on her.  She needed someone at that moment.  He couldn’t deny her that.  He crouched down next to her, his hand rubbed her back.

“Come on, sweetie.  Let’s get you home.”      

Turn and walk away or stay and help her.

This thought bounced around JC’s head the entire night.  His sleep had been fitful and restless.  So much had transpired the previous night that his mind was a jumble of confusing thoughts.  His emotions ranged from happy, infatuated, angry, frightened, and disappointed.  So much in such a short period of time.

He drove Charlie home in his vehicle, leaving her’s parked near the bar.  The entire ride back had been silent other than the faint sound of the radio.  She remained curled into a ball in the seat next to him, never looking at him or speaking.  She had completely shut herself off.  He didn’t push her to open up.  He allowed her to sit with her thoughts.

JC helped her into the house, immediately taking her into her room.  As he aided her in sitting down on the bed, she appeared almost catatonic; void of any expression.  He slipped off her shoes and socks, pulling back the covers to allow her to settle in.  When he moved to leave, she reached out and grabbed his hand, silently asking him not to leave.  She scooted over, pulling him to lay next to her.  He toed off his shoes, settling in next to her.

Charlie laid facing JC, her face buried in his neck, her arm draped around his waist.  He hummed softly, stroking her hair until she fell asleep.  Much the same as him, her sleep was restless.  She seemed to be having dreams on and off all night; she would make small noises, tossing and turning.  A few times, he had moved to leave the bed but she would pull him back.  His presence was providing her a comfort.  

At some point in the night, Cosmo jumped into the bed and wedged himself between Charlie and JC.  This amused him as the dog was obviously very protective of her.  He scooted away, giving Cosmo the room to curl up next to his master.  The dog placed his head protectively on her stomach.

The clock next to Charlie’s bed read a quarter after seven in the morning.  They had gotten back to her house around two AM and the lack of sleep was hitting JC.  He rolled his head to watch Charlie sleep.  She was laying on her side, facing him.  Her right arm was curled under her head; her left arm rested on her hip.  He took in the dark circles that lined the underside of her eyes.  She looked broken down and exhausted.

He rolled his head to look back up at the ceiling, contemplating what he should do.  Should he stay or should he run?  He truly wasn’t sure what to do but decided that trying to sleep was a fruitless effort so he carefully slid from the bed so as not to wake her.  He stepped into her bathroom, latching the door quietly.

JC took in the neat yet sterile surroundings of the large bathroom as he emptied his bladder.  Everything seemed to have its place and was tidy but like the rest of her home, it seemed impersonal.  There were no touches that made the space feel warm.  It seemed as though she moved in and only unpacked the necessities.  While washing his hands, he spotted a razor sitting on the edge of the tub that he assumed she used to shave her legs.  This brought the memory of his discovery of her small tin back to the forefront of his mind.  Once his hands were dry, he quietly searched her bathroom for any other blades she might have.

JC’s anger began to rise as he invaded her personal space.  He dug through drawers and rummaged under the sink for any signs of blades.  He checked her medicine cabinet and the small linen closet that held her towels.  He moved around pill bottles that rested on the countertop; he even peeked inside her birth control compact for contraband.  He didn’t turn up any companions to the one kept in her purse.

He exited the bathroom quietly to find Charlie still in the same position.  Guilt washed over him for poking around in her stuff.  He knew it was wrong but he couldn’t bear the thought of her hurting herself.  He couldn’t understand what could have happened to her that she needed to go to extreme measures.  He knew so little about self-harming in the manner of one intentionally cutting oneself.  

Reaching down to grab his shoes, JC quietly exited Charlie’s bedroom, leaving the door cracked.  He wasn’t sure what he should do.  He wanted to talk to her but wanted to let her sleep.  He wanted to run but he wanted to stay.  He had never been so torn over someone he had known for a short period of time.  He didn’t typically develop attachments this quickly.  

Setting his shoes by the front door, JC began wandering around Charlie’s house.  He purused her DVD collection and a few CD’s that were left out on her coffee table.  He closely examined some of the paintings on the walls, not recognizing any of the artist names on them.  He ventured down a hallway on the opposite side of the house that he assumed contained the other two bedrooms and bathroom of the home.

JC did a once through the bathroom looking again for anything Charlie could use to hurt herself.  He moved further down the hall to one of two closed doors.  The first door he tried was locked.  He found this odd since she lived alone and from what he gathered, she didn’t have regular visitors over.  He ran his finger over the keylock on the door handle.  It wouldn’t be easy to pick if he tried.  He considered trying the keys on her keyring but thought better of it.  He had already violated her privacy more than he should have.

He tried the door opposite the locked one and it opened into a brightly lit office.  Three of the walls were covered in dark cherry bookshelves.  All of the shelves were covered in either books or CD’s.  He ran his fingers along the spines of some of the books, reading the titles.  He did the same with the massive CD collection before him.  This was the largest collection he had seen aside from his own.  

JC noticed the CD’s were in alphabetical order by artist name.  Curiosity got the best of him and he checked to see if she might have his solo album.  He was pleasantly surprised to see that she in fact did.  She also had the entire collection of NSYNC albums.  This brought a smile to his face.  He quite liked how diverse her music tastes were.

The fourth wall of the room was floor to ceiling picture windows giving Charlie an amazing view of the trees and river behind her home.  It was a cloudy day and a light drizzle covered the area.  It was fitting for the mood that he was in that morning.  

JC’s gaze moved to the large desk that matched the color of the bookshelves.  She had an impressive desktop computer set up.  Three large monitors mounted to the desk above the keyboard.  A tablet also rested on the desk next to stacks of folders.  Various spreadsheets containing a brain bending quantity of numbers were scattered on the surface.  It looked like she was running some type of business from home in addition to her jobs at the bar and hotel.

Charlie was turning out to be quite an enigma to him.  JC didn’t expect her to spill her entire life story on day one but as he began peeling back her layers, he was amazed at each new discovery.  Her complexities both intrigued him and frightened him at times.  Most women he interacted with were one dimensional.  Charlie was anything but one dimensional.

He knew he more than pushed his limits on invading her privacy but he tapped the mouse of the computer, waking up the sleeping monitors.  No programs appeared to be open but the computer’s wallpaper was of two small children, a little boy and little girl.  While both were very cute, they didn’t look like Charlie.  They were both darker complected with dark brown hair and eyes.  She obviously cared about them if she had them as her computer wallpaper.

The guilt was becoming too much for JC.  He turned away from the desk to leave the office.  In the doorway, Ginny sat quietly, her tail wagging.  He patted her head as he exited the room, closing the door behind him.  He made his way into the kitchen, desperately needing coffee.  

While rooting around for what he would need for coffee, he noticed a general lack of food.  The freezer was nearly bare, only containing a few bags of frozen vegetables.  The refrigerator wasn’t much better.  He found condiments, water, milk, and beer.  Her barren cupboards held a few cans of soup, a sparse selection of cereal, and some canned fruit.  He did find the small pods needed to make use of the Keurig coffeemaker.

Being that Charlie didn’t have the supplies needed to make a decent breakfast, JC decided to make a trip into town to the grocery store.  He hoped he would be able to get there and back before she woke.  Her truck was still parked by the bar so she wouldn’t be able to get too far on foot if she tried to leave.

JC scooped up Charlie’s keys along with his own as he pulled his shoes on.  He wanted to better his chances of her staying put while he was gone.

***

The dull ache that had settled behind Charlie’s eyes would no longer allow her to sleep.  She began waking up in degrees, slowing become aware of her surroundings.  Her mind began to clear and the memories of the previous night hit her like a ton of bricks.

Her right arm was draped across her eyes, blocking out any light.  She lay completely still as the memories continued to washed over her.  She felt a heavy object lying across her stomach, somewhat restricting her breathing.  She lifted her head and peered down at Cosmo, who looked up at her from his splayed out position.

“Hey buddy.”  Charlie’s voice was raspy and her throat dry.  She dropped her head back to her pillow.  She felt hungover.  She only had two beers so she knew it wasn’t that.  What she was was emotionally hungover.  All of the combined events from the night prior tossed her through a tornado of emotions.  Her stomach rolled when she thought of watching JC pull that little tin container from her pocket.

Charlie lay on her back for several minutes, staring at the ceiling, allowing herself to become more alert.  The sudden aroma of bacon hit her nose.  She was confused because she knew she hadn’t had any bacon in the house.  She figured that JC had to still be around and she was dreading having to face him.  Part of her hoped that he would be gone when she woke up.  She recalled silently requesting him to stay with her last night but now she just wished him away.  She couldn’t believe she had practically thrown herself at him the previous night.  She just wanted to feel something other than the pain that was coursing through her at that moment.

She pushed herself into a sitting position.  She looked down to see she was still in the previous night’s clothes from her shift at the bar minus her shoes and socks.  She knew she needed to get her talk with JC over with sooner rather than later.  Her alarm clock read ten thirty.  She pushed herself onto tired legs and headed for the bathroom.  

While brushing her teeth, Charlie cringed when she saw her disheveled appearance in the mirror.  Her hair was a tangled mess and the dark circles under her eyes made her look older than she was.  She splashed cold water on her face to ward off her haggard look.  She ran a brush through her hair, pulling it into a messy bun to get it off her face.  While digging through her medicine cabinet for ibuprofen for her headache, she noticed everything seemed to have shifted.  Nothing was missing but everything looked disturbed.

Charlie guessed that JC might have been looking for more blades that she would have kept hidden.  Of course she wasn’t proud of what she was doing but she only had the one she kept in her purse.  There was no need to hide them since she limited her interactions with people.

After downing a few ibuprofen, she stared at herself in the mirror, giving herself a pep talk.  She needed to get this over with.

Charlie exited her bedroom, creeping quietly down the hall.  She could hear the noises of plates shuffling and silverware clanking together.  She also heard the sizzle of bacon and smelled coffee which she so desperately wanted at that moment.

“That’s fine Eric….Yes, I’ll be there…..Plus one….I’ll text you details…..Did he already confirm attendance...I’m not sure the exact date yet but soon…”  Charlie listened to the one side of JC’s conversation she could hear.  She had come to learn that Eric was his manager.  It sounded as though he would be leaving Cannon Beach soon.  It was likely for the best.  After last night, she wasn’t expecting to see him beyond today.  She figured he’d say his piece and be gone.

Charlie took a seat at the kitchen peninsula, watching JC move around her kitchen while he talked.  He nodded at her in acknowledgement and placed a coffee mug on the coffeemaker to brew her a cup.  He flipped the bacon in the pan before fetching eggs and coffee creamer from the fridge.  The whole time, still holding his conversation.

JC poured a small amount of cream and a single sweetener into the mug, placing it in front of Charlie.  She mouthed a thank you to him.  She liked that he remembered how she took her coffee.  He returned to the stove, removing bacon from the pan and sliding it off the heat.

“Look Eric, I gotta go.  I’ll talk to you later….You too, man.”  He ended his call, slipping his phone into his pocket.  He leaned on the counter opposite her, his hands gripping the edge of the counter.  “Good morning.  I was wondering if you planned on joining the living today.”   

“I did debate staying in bed all day but alas, here I am.”  Charlie looked up from her coffee cup.  JC appeared freshly showered and was wearing a different outfit than the one he had on the night before.  At the moment, she wished she had at least changed her clothes.  His ever present black rimmed glasses rested on the bridge of his nose and he still had several days worth of facial hair though it appeared neatly trimmed.

“Breakfast is almost done.  You cool with scrambled eggs?”  She nodded and he turned once again to the stove.

“Popstar and chef.  I thought your friend Joey was the cook?”

“I wouldn’t call myself a chef but I can cook enough to at least sustain myself from starving to death.  I can’t say the same for the scarce amount of food I found here.”  JC briefly turned to glance at Charlie.  Her head was bowed to stare into her coffee.  “And Joey is definitely a better cook than me.”    

A long, uncomfortable silence stretched between them while he cooked eggs.  She needed to break the deafening quiet before she went crazy.  “So when I stopped into the hotel earlier this week, I changed your room rate to a long term stay rate.  We rarely get long term guests this time of year so it is our way of saying thank you for your business.”

“I appreciate that.  I’ve enjoyed my stay here.  That hotel was a great little find.”  He moved the slimy eggs around the pan.  He didn’t know how to open the conversation of the previous night.  “I drove past the bar this morning to check on your truck.  I’ll drop you off after we eat so you can pick it up.”

“I wasn’t worried about it.  Matt’s an idiot but not stupid enough to do anything to my vehicle.  I’m sure the graveyard deputy kept an eye on it.  And don’t worry about dropping me off, I’ll find a ride.”  JC portioned the now cooked eggs between two plates.

“It’s no hassle.  I’ll take you.”  He removed the bacon, hash browns, and toast from the oven, placing some of each on their plates.  He walked them to the dining room table.  He handled both of their coffee mugs in one hand and took her hand in his free one to lead her to the table.

“I don’t know how you’re so skinny if you normally eat like this.”  Charlie stared down at the large portion of food on her plate.  “I may go into a food coma after this but it look delicious.”

“Well, I picked up more cereal just in case this isn’t edible.”  A small bit of the tension was relieved with his joke.  They both ate quietly for a few minutes before JC piped up.  “So, Matt…..”

“Matt.  Matt was….He was a mistake that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago.  Chalk it up to another one of my stupid choices.”

“But he’s married with kids?”  Charlie cringed.  She sounded like a homewrecker.

“They were separated at the time I met him.  He claimed they were divorcing.  I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I first moved here.  He was a distraction.  We never officially dated, just hooked up.  I’ve tried many times to end it but as you saw, he doesn’t take no for an answer very well.”  A twinge of anger flared in JC.

“Was he forcing himself on you?  You know that’s--”

“He wasn’t raping me if that’s where you going.  It just became easier to stop fighting so he’d leave quicker.  I guess I should be happy he agreed to use condoms.”

“Just stop!”  Charlie jumped at JC’s outburst.  “Why do you do that?  You do this thing where you defend other people’s treatment of you.  His sorry ass should be in jail!”  She was shocked at his honestly.  She pushed her plate away from her.

“Why the fuck do you care?  Why are you still fucking here?”  He threw his hands up in frustration.

“Here we go again!  You still have this hang up about us being friends.”  He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Truthfully, I have asked myself why I didn’t run out of here when I found that damn razor blade.  I haven’t the first fucking clue and can’t even begin to fathom what would drive someone to do what you’re doing.”

“You’re right.  You have no fucking clue!  How dare you come into my home and tell me how you pity me for being some weak, broken excuse of a person that needs to harm herself!  I’m not hurting anyone else so don’t you fucking pass judgement on me.  Don’t act all high and mighty.  If I disgust you that much, just go.  Leave.  Tell me what I owe you for the food you bought this morning.  Forget about the pitiful woman hiding in a small town, just trying to survive.”

Charlie walked her plate into the kitchen, leaving it on the counter near the sink.

“You’re just gonna run away?”  JC moved from his seat to block her from leaving.  He had her cornered against the kitchen counter.  His hands were planted on either side of her hips on the counter, preventing her from getting away.

“Don’t you dare do this.  You obviously think I’m unstable.  You sure you wanna poke the bear and treat me like a caged animal.  This bear bites.  Hard.”  There was a spunk and a fire in her eyes that he was glad to see.  This was the most alive he had ever seen her.

“Just hear me out, Charlie.”  Charlie crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him, waiting for him to say his piece.

“Well, I’m waiting.”

“First of all, you owe me nothing for breakfast so don’t go there.  Second, I don’t pity you.  It saddens me to see one of my friends hurting.  I know our friendship is new but I want you to feel you have someone to talk to and I’ll do the same with you.  I don’t think you’re weak or broken or unstable.  You’re obviously in a lot of pain but I don’t think less of you as a human being.  I want to help you.  I want to be your friend and not have you question my motives.  My work is going to take me back home soon but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna forget about you when I leave.”

Charlie couldn’t look at JC.  Her chin was tucked against her chest while she absorbed his words.  She was speechless.  He was the first person since moving away from home who made an effort to get to know her.  The residents of Cannon Beach accepted her as a local but no one went out of their way to really learn about her.  Matt was only looking to get laid.  He never asked her about who she was.  JC leaned in close so he was right next to her ear.

“And for the record, you’re a bear I wouldn’t mind poking.”

“Oh, you are too much sometimes.”  Her head fell forward to his shoulder as she laughed at his attempt to lighten the mood.  He hugged her close and was glad she was being receptive to him.  He placed a kiss on her neck before pulling back to meet her eye to eye.  His hands cradled her head.

“I’m serious, Charlie.  If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.  If I’m not here, you can call me, anytime.  I can’t always answer right away but I will call you back within an hour.  I promise you.  When you feel a need to hurt yourself, reach out to me first.  If you just wanna talk, no matter what the topic, I’ll be there to listen.”

“Are you gonna break out into a Bill Withers song because I’m not sure I could handle that right now?”  A smile spread across her face.  His head fell back with laughter.

“Oh, I’m too much?”  When his laughter settled, JC pressed a soft kiss to Charlie’s lips.  “Promise me you’ll reach out to me first.”  His intense blue eyes were reeking havoc on her pulse.  Those electric currents were shooting through her body again.  Her arms snaked around his waist.

“I promise, Josh.”  He kissed her again, this time longer and more passionate.  She pulled back to meet his gaze.  “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.  Well, don’t shoot.  Bad choice of words.  Can I just say having a gun pointed at me twice in a three weeks span is not my idea of fun.  You guys do really love you guns here in Oregon.”  Charlie pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him.  She was amused by his mini rant.

“You’re rambling again.”  JC kissed her fingers pressed to his lips.

“Sorry, ask away.”  He watched as a nervousness came over her.

“What did you do with it?”  He knew exactly what she meant by ‘it’.

“I disposed of it when I drove into town.  I feel guilty but I also checked your bathroom for others I needed to get rid of.”

“I could tell.  My stuff looked disturbed but I know you were doing it out of concern and I appreciate that.  It really does mean a lot to me that you want to be my friend.  I haven’t been around true friends since being here.  Thank you.”  JC ran the back of his fingers over Charlie’s cheek as she spoke.  He was becoming more and more enamored with her by the minute.

“You’re welcome.”  He no longer held back when he had the urge to kiss her.  He once again captured her lips in a deep kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth.  Her hands moved up and down his back as the kiss continued.  To allow them to catch their breath, he dropped soft kisses on her neck.  “Can I ask you something now?”

“Yes.”  Charlie pushed herself onto the countertop to bring her eye level with JC.  He settled between her legs dangling against the cabinets.  His hands rested on her thighs.

“I have a charity event to go to next week in Seattle and I want you to come with me.”  He watched as a flash of fear crossed her features.  “It would be an overnight trip.  Just one night.  I’m hoping you can take the time off work.  I could pay to board the dogs for you while we’re gone.”  She rolled her eyes.

“Okay, don’t be obnoxious.  I don’t need you to pay to board my dogs.  I’m more than capable of paying for it.  Second, I don’t think it would be a good idea.  I mean, won’t there be photographers?  People will think we’re dating and I don’t know what kind of image you’re trying to maintain but people talk.”  He put a finger on her lips.

“Let me worry about my image.  This isn’t some awards show with annoying paparazzi.  There are going to be photographers covering the event but not intrusive assholes.  If you can’t get out of work, I understand.  I just thought it would be fun to get out and have a good time and it’s for a good cause.”  

JC didn’t want Charlie to lose any income from going out of town with him.  He didn’t know her financial situation at all but looking around at the nice house and newer model SUV she had, they weren’t cheap purchases.  She worked two minimum wage jobs so how she was able to afford her life was beyond him but he didn’t want to pry.

He watched her as she chewed on her index finger, deep in thought.  The thought of a public event brought up a lot of fears of her past.  Someone she knows could find out where she’s been hiding out.  How would she explain to JC if she was discovered.  She was about to tell him no but the sweet, encouraging look in his eyes did something to her heart.

“I’ll see what I can work out.”  Charlie liked the excited, child-like joy that overtook his features.  He placed several quick kisses on her lips.  “I can’t say for sure yet but I will try my hardest.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Can I show you something?”  The expression on her face appeared apprehensive and a bit unsure.

“Of course.”  Charlie slid off the counter and headed for her purse by the front door.  She recalled seeing JC grab her notebook from under the bar and place it in her purse before they headed home the previous night.  She flipped through several pages as she met him back in the kitchen.

“Now, I didn’t write this but I came across it and jotted it down so I wouldn’t forget it.  I can’t seem to find out who the author is but I think this is a pretty good description of me over the last few years.”  She almost chickened out but slowly handed over her notebook.

JC knew how protective he was of his own notebook so the fact that she was allowing him a glimpse into hers, he knew was a big step.  When her fingers released the book to him, she appeared to wilt into herself, bracing herself for some kind of backlash.  He looked at a poem that was written in the flourish of Charlie’s beautiful handwriting.

She’s learned to hold
All her feelings inside
Until late at night,
And cover her mouth
With her hands so
No one hears her.

She’s perfected
Her fake smile.
And she’s been taught
- oh so painfully
To build her walls up
High, to keep everyone out.

-- A.S.               

JC wasn’t sure what to say.  Even if they weren’t her words, Charlie had just bared her soul to him in a very vulnerable way.  The words written on the paper were of all the things he had seen in her since meeting her.  She was very self-aware of how people saw her.  She kept people at a distance to protect her heart.  Her showing him this gave him a glimpse of a small part of her heart.

Charlie nervously wrung her hands, waiting for JC to say something.  She was beginning to regret showing him.  She snatched back the notebook after several more moments of silence.

“I know it’s stupid but I thought it provided a peek into--”  He covered her mouth with his, quieting her attempt to justify her decision to show him her notebook.  When he was sure she was breathless, he pulled back to lock eyes.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.  You have no reason to explain yourself.  I appreciate you sharing a piece of yourself with me.  Don’t ever apologize for that.”

JC honked the horn of his truck in a quick succession of beeps to hurry Charlie along.  They had a nearly four hour drive to Seattle and he wanted to get on the road already.  It was still dark as it was only half past five in the morning.  They didn’t need to be at the children’s hospital until one but he wanted to give them plenty of time to get there.

Charlie rushed out of the house, carrying a small suitcase, an overnight bag, and two thermos mugs of coffee.  This produced a small chuckle from JC because they were only going for one night.  She looked like she was prepared for a week.  She threw her bags in the backseat before climbing into the passenger seat, handing him one of the coffees.  She was out of breath and frazzled.  He just watched her bemused as she attempted to situate herself in the seat.

“What?”  Charlie didn’t know why JC was staring at her with that sexy grin on his face that she had come to enjoy.

“Did you pack enough?  It is only one night.”

“A girl needs choices.  I didn’t pack that much.  Calm down.”  She rolled her eyes as she dug in her purse for her cell phone.

“Whatever you say.  Come here.”  JC leaned over the center console of the vehicle, pulling Charlie in his direction.  The kiss they shared was sweet and chaste.  This was becoming the norm for them.  Nothing had gone beyond kissing as JC didn’t want to rush Charlie.  

Since the previous week’s discovery of one of Charlie’s biggest secrets, JC was more present in spending time with her but not forceful in anything beyond sharing kisses.  Granted, for just being friends they did kiss more than normal but she didn’t seem bothered by it so he had no intention of stopping.

From what JC could recall, this was the first relationship with a woman, friend or sexual relationship, in a long time that he was taking his time with.  He had known Charlie for going on two months and usually by now, he would have slept with her already.  He was liking taking his time.  It didn’t feel rushed; it felt genuine.  He hadn’t had a relationship with someone that wasn’t based around his career in many years.  

Little by little, she was opening up more.  He found out that the two children that appeared on the wallpaper on her computer were of her niece and nephew.  She hadn’t met either of them in person, as both children were born after she moved away from home, but her sister emailed her pictures on a regular basis.  She also Skype’d occasionally with her sister and her kids.

No one in Charlie’s family, including her sister, knew where she lived.  She hadn’t relieved the reason for the seclusion but she at least checked in with them to let them know she was okay.  JC couldn’t imagine going years without seeing his parents or siblings.  He had spent a lot of time away from them because of his career but made an effort to visit them or fly them to LA.  He relied on the support of his family.

“You know, for you and I just being friends, we kiss quite a bit.  You this touchy feely with all your female friends?”  Charlie playfully cocked an eyebrow at JC.

“Contrary to shit printed in tabloids and the occasional fan fiction, I’m not a man whore.  I’m actually pretty selective who I share my lips with.”  He winked at her as he pulled down the long dirt road away from her house.

“Have you read fan fiction written about you?  That’s gotta be really weird.  I’ve heard that some of that stuff gets pretty racy sometimes.  Having someone write about your potential sex life for the world to read.  I heard the ‘50 Shades’ series started out as fan fiction.”

“And you say I ramble too much.”  A blush colored her cheeks.

“You didn’t answer my questions.”  Charlie produced a pop tart from her purse.  After opening it, she offered JC one.  He leaned over, opening his mouth for her to put a piece in his mouth which she obliged.  His eyes never left the road.

“The guys and I would occasionally check out the fan sites years ago.  It was a little weird at first but there are some pretty good writers out there.  I can’t knock someone’s creative outlet.  If they enjoy it, then so be it.  It’s not hurting anyone.  But I haven’t look at them in years.”

Charlie hadn’t thought of it that way and she silently commended him being so accepting.  She chewed a piece of her makeshift breakfast.  “So, what exactly does this charity event entail?”

“From what my manager told me, I’ll be at the hospital for a few hours with several other celebrities meeting with a bunch of the kids as well as hospital administration.  They have some small events for the kids that we will interact with them in.  Later this evening, there is a charity banquet at the Four Seasons downtown.  It’s a mixer to bring together investors and those who donate to the hospital.  They do a silent auction.  Whatever they can do to raise money.”  All of this sounded familiar to Charlie.  She had experienced many a charity fundraiser in her previous life but hasn’t shared that with JC.

“And you do these a lot?”

“I participate in many different events relating to children, specifically centered on adoption.”

“Why adoption?”  JC was surprised.  He assumed she knew.

“I was adopted when I was a little boy.”  He didn’t appear upset, his expression was matter of fact.  

“I didn’t know.  I was trying to dredge up a painful past.”  

“You didn’t.  It’s not something I flaunt but it’s common knowledge among my fans.  I was very fortunate with the people that took me in.  They’re my family.  I couldn’t have asked for a better life.”  JC smiled warmly as he thought of his family.

“Have you tried to find your biological parents?”

“I know my birth mother.  I’ve never met and have no desire to meet my father.  My adoptive father is my father.”  He stole a quick glance at Charlie.  She was twisting the small silver stud in her left ear; her telltale nervous tick.  “What about your parents?”

“My father has been pretty non-existant in my life.  He dipped out on my mother before I was even born.  He showed back up when I was sixteen.  He dropped in and out depending on his drinking.  He pretty much lives in the bottom of a whiskey bottle.  It’s been almost six years since I’ve seen or talked to him.”  She fell quiet for a moment.  “My mother...uh, she...I’m one of her least favorite people.”

That was the last thing JC expected her to say.  He knew that Charlie claimed to be closest to her grandmother but for her to say that her and her mother were at such odds struck him saddened.

“I was the child she never wanted to have, especially with my father.  She wasn’t ready for parenthood.  She still wanted to have a social life which is why I became so close to my grandmother.  She’d dump me on my grandparents so she could go out.”  She pursed her lips to ward off the tears that tried to form behind her eyes.  “She was more present as I got older.  Then she had my sister when I was ten and my brother two years after that.  They were the biggest joys of her life, specifically my sister.  I was glad they had the mother I didn’t; she was better with them.  I’ve never been able to live up to her expectations.  No accomplishment I achieved was good enough.”

Having never verbalized the tumultuous relationship she had with her mother before, Charlie felt a weight lift off her shoulders.  She gazed out the passenger window as the scenery outside passed by in a blur as they sped down the highway.  She nearly jumped when she felt JC’s fingers lace with hers she had been so deep in thought.

JC brought her left hand up to his lips to place a kiss on the back of it.  He ran his thumb along her wrist as he held her hand over the console.  

Charlie didn’t handle being vulnerable very well yet she had been that with JC a lot recently.  Anytime she had been so in the past, it came back to slap her in the face.  She learned how build walls.  After her divorce, she swore to never allow any man near her heart again.  That pain she experienced was one she wasn’t sure she could survive again.  The first time had nearly killed her.

During the remainder of the drive, they fell into comfortable conversation, passing the time quickly.  Since the charity banquet was at the Four Seasons, JC booked a two-bedroom suite at the hotel for them.  They were granted an early check-in upon their arrival.  They had a few hours before they needed to be at the hospital which gave them time to freshen up.

Charlie was reading that day’s edition of the Seattle Times when a knock sounded on the hotel door.  JC was still in his room and she figured he must have ordered room service.  She pulled the door open and froze in momentary fear.  She was face to face with none other than Joey Fatone.

“Well, you are definitely not JC.”  Joey’s eyes licked Charlie up and down from head to toe.  She quickly pulled herself together and plastered a smile on her face.

“And you are definitely not room service unless you’re hard up for work.”  Joey’s face lit up with laughter.  He dramatically clutched his chest.

“Ouch, sweetheart!  You wound me.  I’m not slumming it quite yet.  Hopefully I gotta few more good years left in me.  I’m Joey.”  He stuck his hand out for her to shake which she accepted.

“I’m Charlie.  Josh is getting ready still.  He’s worse than a girl.”

“Believe me, I remember.  Just be glad he doesn’t have the long hair anymore.”  They stood in the doorway for a moment, just staring at each other.

“Wow, I’m being rude.  Please come in.”  Charlie held the door for Joey to enter.  He stepped in, moving into the suite’s living room.

“C said he was bringing a friend but he failed to mention how beautiful this friend is.”  She felt a warm blush rise up her neck as they settled across from each other.

“He also failed to mention NSYNC was showing up.  Are there more of you lurking?”  Joey liked the spunk on this one.

“I’m as good as you’re gonna get this time.  No other pop stars lurking.”  Something about Charlie struck him as familiar.  He tried to place her.  “Have we met before?  You seem familiar.”  

Charlie swallowed the lump forming in her throat.  The nervousness inside of her was building rapidly.  She did her best to maintain composure.  “I don’t think so.  I think I’d remember you.  Besides, haven’t you had met thousands of women who have thrown themselves at you for years?  How could you remember them all?”

“You wanna throw yourself at me right now, I’ll for sure remember you, sweetheart.”

“She will do no such thing so keep dreaming, Fatone.”  JC appeared in the doorway of his room.  He was clean shaven and his hair was slightly damp.  His outfit was casual.  Joey stood to give him a manly hug when he approached.  JC sat next to Charlie.  “I see you met Charlie.”

“That I did.  She thought I was room service.  Even tried to tip me.”  Charlie snorted in laughter.

“Yeah, he got offended when I asked him to make change for a five.”  Her witty comebacks kept Joey on his toes.  “I’m gonna go get ready and let you two talk.”  As she moved to stand, JC pulled her close, dropping a kiss on her neck before letting her getting up.  She smiled shyly, moving towards her room.

“We leave in an hour,” JC tilted his head back towards her as he spoke.

“Don’t worry, I don’t primp like you do.”  With that, Charlie closed herself into her room.  Joey’s laughter bubbled in his throat.

“That girl has you pegged!  You gotta hang on to her.  Where did you find this one?”  Joey stared amused at his old friend.

“I met her a couple months ago on a road trip.  I was passing through the town she lives in.  Struck up a friendship.”  JC stretched his arms across the back of the couch.

“Friendship?  Most friends don’t kiss each other on the neck like you did.  That’s pretty intimate contact.  You guys haven’t…”

“No, we’re friends.  There’s no need to rush anything.”  Joey noticed a change in JC.  He seemed at ease.

“I guess I’m just shocked.  She doesn’t strike me as your type.  She’s more mine or Justin’s type.  Whatever she’s doing to you, keep it up.  There’s a change in you, a good one.”

Charlie quickly showered and dressed.  She had to give herself a pep talk to calm her nerves.  She hated that she lied to Joey about meeting him before but she wasn’t prepared to spill her guts to JC about the past yet.  Ironically, she met Joey several years prior at a charity event.  Back then, her hair was much shorter and a lighter shade of brown.  She hoped the handful of years along with her changed appearance was enough to keep Joey from remembering.

JC and Charlie rode to the hospital with Joey and his two daughters who accompanied him on the trip.  They were ushered into a large conference hall to meet with investors and hospital staff.  They were given special badges to wear while navigating through the hospital.  Charlie tried to stay towards the back of the crowd while JC and Joey rubbed elbows with staff and other celebrities.  

There were a few other fairly well known people present that raised alarms in Charlie that may recognize her.  She was beginning to regret agreeing to accompany JC.  She just prayed there was enough change in her appearance.  She tried to occupy herself with chatting with Joey's daughters, keeping her head slightly down, allowing her hair to fall over her face.

The large group of people were broken up into several smaller groups and began making their way to the upper floors to visit with the children receiving treatment in the hospital.  JC was busy talking with one of the hospital administrators but he had linked his pinky with Charlie’s as they walked.  She was worried at first what people would think but she recalled his words from the previous week to let him worry about his image.

Joey walked on the opposite side of Charlie.  He nudged her as their group walked a long corridor.  She glared at him playfully as he glanced down at her and JC’s linked fingers.

“I see the wheels turning in your head Joey.  Don’t go there.”  Charlie whispered so his daughters wouldn’t hear.

“I said nothing.”  He put his hands up innocently.

“So how did you get roped into this event?  You and Josh have the same manager?”

“No, we don’t but it’s still pretty common for all five guys to get invites to the same events.  People still hope for all of us to show up and have some kind of reunion.  If it ever happens, it’s not gonna be the way people want it.  I still hear bitching about our VMA performance last year being too short.”

Charlie recalled seeing the performance Joey referenced.  Sure their performance was short but the purpose was for their friend to receive an award.  They all showed up to support him.

Their group moved into a large common area that looked to be some type of arts and crafts room or playroom.  There were several children scattered all around either coloring, painting, playing with building blocks, reading books; the list went on.  While the children seemed unfazed by JC and Joey’s appearance, the mothers present were more than enamored.

Charlie stood along the wall, taking in the scene in front of her.  JC and Joey spoke with the kids and their stuttering mothers.  Charlie couldn’t help but giggle as these women fawned over the two men.  She watched Joey’s girls color pictures with a group of girls.  There was a young girl, sitting on the bench of a small upright piano in the corner.  The girl rested her fingers on the piano keys but didn’t play any notes.

Charlie wandered over to the girl.  She appeared to be about eight or nine years old.  She wore a pink and lime green scarf on her head that matched the robe over her hospital gown.  Charlie took a seat next to her on the bench, facing away from the piano keys.

“Do you play?  I’d love to hear a song.”  The girl turned her tired brown eyes to look at Charlie.  She just shook her head and looked back at the keys.

“I wish I knew how to play but I don’t.”  The girl’s small voice tugged at Charlie’s heart.

“Well, I can teach you to play ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’.  That’s a good starter song.”  Charlie spun around on the bench so she was facing the keys.  “I’m Charlie.”  She shook the little girl hand.

“I’m Katie.  Isn’t Charlie a guys name?”  Katie’s doe eyes started quizickly at her, causing a small chuckle.

“I guess so.  My full name is Charlotte but my friends call me Charlie.  It’s my nickname.”  Charlie placed her fingers on the piano keys and slowly played ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’.  Once finished, she placed Katie’s fingers on the proper keys and guided her through the song.  They played it for a few minutes, Charlie giving direction when needed until Katie was able to run the song through on her own.  “You, Katie, are a natural.”

Katie smiled brightly at Charlie that she was able to play the song on her own.  She played it once again without any mistakes.  Charlie beamed at the little girl’s pride in herself at the moment.

“Is your mom or dad here?  You could play for them.”  The smile that lit the little girl’s face dimmed and her fingers stilled.

“I don’t have parents.”  Twice in one day.  First JC, now this poor, sick child.  Charlie was batting a thousand on orphaned children.

“Well, you will find the right family someday.  You see my friend over there.”  Charlie pointed to JC who was building a lego castle with a little boy.  JC looked over at Charlie and Katie, smiling brightly at them, giving a small wave.  “He was adopted when he was a little boy by a great family.  You’ll find your family too.”

“No one wants a cancer kid.”  Katie hung her head.  Charlie felt her heart break for the little girl.

“That’s not true.  Cancer doesn’t make you who you are.”  A long silence stretched between them.  “Have you ever seen the movie ‘Meet The Robinsons’?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I play you my favorite song from the movie?”  The young girl nodded.

Charlie’s fingers moved expertly over the piano keys, playing the opening notes of the Rob Thomas song.  Katie stared at Charlie in awe, watching her play.  When Charlie opened her mouth to sing, the girl was hypnotized.

Let it go,

Let it roll right off your shoulder

Don't you know

The hardest part is over

Let it in,

Let your clarity define you

In the end

We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made

In these small hours

These little wonders,

These twists & turns of fate

Time falls away,

But these small hours,

These small hours still remain

Charlie nudged the little girl as she played through the song.  Katie’s eyes went back and forth between watching her fingers on the keys and her mouth belting out the words.  She finished out the song, the final notes drifting from the instrument.  Loud applause sounded behind the pair.

Charlie turned to see nearly all the occupants of the room along with passerby’s who had heard the music, all congregated behind her and Katie.  She felt a blush warm her cheeks.  She turned back to Katie, who had a huge smile splitting across her face.  Charlie hugged her briefly before rising from the bench.  She got a bunch of compliments from parents and excited children.

JC was standing at the back of the crowd, smiling knowingly at Charlie.  Joey stood next to him, pleasantly surprised at what he had just witnessed.

“No wonder you have a connection to that woman.  She could very well be a female you.”  JC eyed Joey curiously before chuckling.

“Whatever man.”  JC watched Charlie high five a bunch of the kids as she moved to reclaim her spot along the wall.  He stopped her by grasping her arm by her elbow and pulled her close.  She smiled sweetly at him.  For the first time, he saw her smile reach her eyes.  A true sense of happiness seemed to wash over her and her smile did something to his heart.  “You’re amazing.”

“She just needed someone to talk to.  She wanted to learn to play the piano.”  Charlie shrugged, playing off what she had done.

“I don’t think you realize how you affect those you come in contact with.”  He meant more than the little girl, specifically how she affected him.  “What you just did for that little girl is more valuable than any treatment this place can give her.”

JC leaned in and kissed the corner of Charlie’s mouth, lingering for a few seconds before pulling back.  She noticed a few of the mothers were staring at them, whispering to each other.

“We have an audience.”  Charlie motioned over JC’s shoulder.  He could see a nervousness settle across her face.

“Let them think what they want.”  He dropped a kiss full on her lips this time, smiling coyly before joining Joey and the rest of their group.

They were served a quick lunch in between visits to each of the hospital wards.  Charlie was captivated watching JC interact with the children.  He seemed a natural with them.  She was surprised he didn’t have any of his own seeing how good he was with them.

The remainder of the afternoon passed by swiftly.  They made their way back to the hotel a couple hours before they were due down in the ballroom for the charity banquet.  Joey’s wife flew in long enough to pack up their daughters and fly back home to Florida, leaving Joey alone for the rest of his trip.

JC and Charlie each retreated into their rooms to dress and prepare for the evening’s events.  When JC emerged from his room, he found Charlie standing in front of the large picture window of the suite overlooking Puget Sound.  Her back was to him but she looked stunning.  He was used to seeing her in jeans and sweaters.  The sun had mostly set but created an ethereal glow around her.  Her hair was pulled back into a loose french braid; a few pieces framed her face, curled softly.  The black halter maxi dress cinched at her waist, cascading down to the floor in a flow of chiffon.  She draped a long, white scarf over her arms.

The plush of the room’s carpet muted JC’s footsteps as moved through the room to approach Charlie.  The back of her dress dipped a little low to about mid-spine.  He caught a peek of what appeared to be a tattoo along her ribcage under her right arm.  As he got close to her, he caught the scent of her perfume which he now associated directly with her distinct smell.

“You’re creeping up trying to scare me, aren’t you?”  He didn’t realize she heard him approach; she never turned towards him.  He closed the remaining distance  between them, his hands resting on her hips.  He dropped a kiss on the back of her shoulder.

“You heard me?”

“No, I caught the scent of your cologne.”  JC chuckled, resting his chin on Charlie’s shoulder as they both gazed out at the boats in the sound.

“You look beautiful tonight.  You’ll have to fight off the guys with a bat.”

“Yeah right but thank you.”  She turned to check out his outfit for the night.  “And you’re looking quite handsome.”  He wore dark grey slacks with matching tie and navy blue dress shirt.  The blue in the shirt brought out the blue of his eyes.  He took in the simplicity of the her makeup which consisted of mascara, a light eye shadow, and lip gloss.  He loved that she preferred a more natural look rather than caking on heavy, dramatic colors.

“You ready?”  JC laced his fingers with Charlie’s.  She nodded, grabbing her clutch as they exited the suite.  

When they arrive downstairs, Charlie wandered through the large ballroom, avoiding the photographers covering the event the best she could.  JC had to pose for pictures with Joey and many others present.  Charlie busied herself slowly looking through all the item up for auction while sipping a glass of white wine.  She chatted with a few of the event sponsors.  She kept her distance, allowing JC to mix and mingle.

JC knew Charlie had reserves about coming with him to the event.  She was keeping her distance.  He was used to women nearly suffocating him at these things, always staying glued to his side for photo ops.  Not Charlie.  She didn’t seem to want any part of it.

As JC moved around the room, he constantly sought out Charlie.  His eyes continually would drift around the room until he found her.  He’d watch her, feigning interest in whoever he was talking to but in reality, all of his attention was on her.  He took in how she politely chatted with people but would move aside quickly if someone stepped too close.  He watched her eyes move around the room which was rife with activity.  She marveled at the decorations that surrounded them.  She ran her hands over the various displays of the auction items.

Throughout the evening, JC would seek out Charlie to check to make sure she was doing okay, usually bringing her a fresh glass of wine.  Their conversations were usually short as he kept getting pulled back to chat with other celebrities.

It was half past midnight.  Charlie was sitting at a table by herself.  The long day her and JC had was catching up to her.  A few more hours and she will have been awake for twenty four hours.  She was yawning deeply when a hand touched her shoulder.  She jumped at the contact but settled when she saw it was JC.

“Ready to go?”  He took the seat next to her, discarding his nearly empty beer glass on the table.

“If you need to stay, that’s fine.  I can go up on my own.”  She tried to stifle another yawn.  He smiled at her efforts.

“They’re wrapping up anyway.”  He leaned forward and captured her lips in a quick kiss, tasting the slightly sweet flavor of her wine that lingered.  “Let’s go.”

As soon as they stepped onto the elevator, Charlie pulled her hair from the confines of its braid, shaking her hair loose.  This simple motion cause JC to feel a stir in his groin.  The same hair tie that held her braid was used to pull her hair back into a messy bun on top of her head.  She pulled her earrings and necklace off as they exited on their floor.  He adjusted himself in his slacks as they walked to their room.  He was getting extremely turned on.

“Thank you for tonight.”  Charlie dropped her jewelry on the coffee table after entering their room.  “Seeing you today with those kids, I can see why you love these events.”

“Seeing their faces light up is the best part.”  A silence fell between them, nether sure what else to say.

Charlie shyly approached JC.  She timidly reached out, cupping her hands around his jaw.  She placed a soft kiss against his cheek.  She hadn’t made the first move in them kissing since the night they had their run in with Matt.  JC fisted the material of her dress as his hand on her waist pulled her close to him.  He kissed her hard on the mouth.  The heady flavor of the beers he had that night made her lightheaded.  She pulled back, seeing disappointment flash across his features when she ended the kiss.

“Goodnight.”  Charlie’s warm breath fanned across JC’s face before she turned to enter her room.  When the click of the door latching sounded through the suite, JC bent at the waist, resting his hands on his knees.  He chuckled quietly.  He had been turned on before; now he was downright horny.  It was taking everything inside of him not to bust into her room and throw her down on the bed.  He reminded himself not to push her too quickly.  He needed to take his time with her.  It would make it that much sweeter when they finally did sleep together.

JC righted himself and walked towards his room.  He had a situation in his pants he needed to deal with.  

Guilt.

Guilt pressed down on Charlie’s chest.  It was stifling and suffocating.  At times, she had to remind herself to breath.  The guilt was like an oppressive heat strangling her.  Why hadn’t she just been up front and honest with him from the beginning?

The truth was, she hadn’t been honest with anyone, even herself, in a long time.  She didn’t think her ‘friendship’ with JC was going to last as long as it had where she would feel this guilt.  The longer she hid her true identity, the worse the lie became.  Her only reprieve was that he had gone home almost a month ago.

The day after they returned to Cannon Beach from their Seattle trip, JC headed back to LA.  Work was lining up for him and he needed to get back into the swing of things.  Charlie was sad to see him go but didn’t show it.  She didn’t want to appear upset or needy.  It was a good thing he had left.

While he may have thought she hadn’t noticed, Charlie was well aware how turned on JC had been after the charity event.  She had been just as turned on but it was much less evident.  It was the raging guilt inside of her that stopped her from sleeping with him that night.  Once they slept together, there would be no turning back.  She either needed to come clean to him or figure a way to shut him out.

True to his word, JC called and texted Charlie regularly.  He wasn’t making it easy for her to forget about him.  At times, she wished he was more occupied with work so he’d have less time to contact her.  What did he see in her that kept him coming back?  What was she not seeing in herself?

Charlie was also true to her word that if she needed to talk so she wouldn’t cut, she called JC.  There had only been a few times that she had gotten that tight twist of anxiety in her chest that burned with need.  She tried to talk herself out of calling him but each of those times, she found herself dialing his number.  Each time, he managed to calm her anxiety.  She knew this wasn’t going to be possible for very long.  She needed to figure out a way to deal with this on her own or she would fall back into old patterns.

Now, on what would have been the eve of her twelfth wedding anniversary, Charlie was watching her wedding video and flipping through her wedding album.  She had this sick and twisted ritual of pulling out these things each year and torturing herself.  She missed the happy feelings of that day.  She wanted to feel them again.  Like a drug, she came back to these memories every year but the ‘high’ was never the same.

Nothing seemed to numb the pain of her divorce.  She was publicly ridiculed and her name dragged through the mud.  She had hurt Major League Baseball’s golden boy, Owen Peterson.  If they only knew what he could be like behind closed doors.  They had been in love once and it was epic.  Owen was it for Charlie.  Sure they married young; she was only twenty and he was twenty two but she thought she found the one.

Charlie ran her fingers over the photo in front of her.  They both looked so happy.  She thought back to standing in front of all the people they loved; both of their families, their high school friends, his college friends, every person that meant something to them was there.

When Charlie was eleven, her mother moved her and her sister from their home in Arizona across the country to Iowa, running away from a bad relationship.  For nearly the entire time Charlie lived in Iowa, she hated it.  She was away from her grandmother and she rebelled in the hopes that her mother would send her back to live with her grandparents.

One of the few bright spots of living in Iowa was that she met Owen.  He was a grade ahead of her but they lived a few houses from each other so they saw each other regularly.  The funny thing was, they never dated the five years she lived there.  They had some mutual friends but didn’t hang in the same groups at school.  Owen hung out with the baseball jocks and Charlie hopped between the football jocks, the swim team, and the band and choir groups.

The two had a few classes together in high school.  They chatted but nothing too serious.  It wasn’t until about six months after he graduated and went off to college in Miami that they started dating.  She had moved back to Arizona when she was sixteen.  One of her friends from Iowa, that graduated at the same time as Owen, followed her when she moved.  Owen contacted Charlie’s friend and put them in touch with each other.

Over the nearly four years they dated before getting married, there were a lot of back and forth trips between Miami and Phoenix to see each other.  On one of her trips out to visit him, he proposed on stage at a Billy Joel/Elton John concert.  They managed to make a long distance relationship work until he graduated from college.  Charlie figured if they could survive that, they could survive anything.

The summer of 2002, Owen was part of the MLB Draft.  Him and Charlie got married in November of 2002.  Just a few months later, he got the call that the Boston Red Sox wanted to sign him to a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract.  Those first eight years of their marriage were great.  One fateful night changed it all.

Charlie slammed the photo album closed in frustration.  She cursed herself for reliving the memories.  She couldn’t seem to pull herself out of the past.  At the rate she was going, she would be suffering the rest of her life and it would be her own fault.  She glanced up at the TV on the opposite side of the living room from her.  She watched herself and Owen dancing their first dance.  She powered off the TV when the nausea hit her.

Charlie needed to get out of the house and get her mind off Owen.

***

There weren’t many places Charlie could go locally that would occupy her time.  The town was pretty sleepy this time of year.  Portland was only an hour and halfs drive but she wasn’t in the mood for a long drive.  She opted instead for slowly browsing through the grocery store to kill time.  

Charlie had picked up a few items that were now resting in her cart.  She was blankly scanning the deli counter when her phone began ringing, the caller ID showing her it was JC.  

“Hey, Josh.  How’s it going?”

“Hey, sexy.  What are you wearing?”  Charlie was stunned at first upon hearing JC’s question in a deep, throaty breath.  She glanced at the phone before bringing it back to her ear.

“Someone is feisty today.  You must have dialed the wrong person.”  His sexy chuckle shot a chill up the middle of her spine.

“Oh no, honey.  I definitely meant to call you.  You didn’t answer my questions.”

“Well sorry to disappoint you, cupcake, but you caught me on laundry day.  I’m in a mumu.”  Charlie balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear as she reached for a box on a high shelf.  JC’s hearty laugh rang through the phone.

“I’m sure you still make that mumu look good.  So other than laundry, what are you up to today?”

“I’m currently at the grocery store picking up a few things.  Headed back home soon.”

“I hope you have more than soup and hummus in your cart.”  Charlie glanced down at the few items in the bottom of her cart.  Sure enough, soup and hummus were the primary items.  JC was becoming to know her pretty well.  Maybe too well.

“I have a few other things as well.  Calm down.”  She pushed her cart past the dairy coolers, grabbing a carton of milk before heading to the produce section.  “What trouble are you getting into today?”

“I just finished up lunch.  I’m in the car driving.  Thought I’d see how you were doing.”

“Well that’s sweet of you to check on me but I’m a big girl.  Besides, you texted me this morning and I told you I was fine.”

“I know but I wanted to hear your voice.  Is that a crime?”  His words weren’t harsh but stated very matter of fact.  This wasn’t helping her figure out how to let him off the hook.  He showed a genuine interest in her and she was being frigid.  Her acute sense of self-awareness wouldn’t allow her to forget that.

“No, it’s not.  I’m sorry, Josh.  I’m glad you called.  It’s good to hear your voice.  Tell me how work has been going.”  JC went into a brief ramble, telling her about the new up and coming artist that he had been working with in addition to other producing jobs.

“And, kinda random but I got call from my manager telling me about a movie that is going to be shooting after Thanksgiving and they have a part for me.”  There was an excitement in his voice.

“That’s great news!  Have you read the script yet?”

“Eric is couriering it over to me.  By the way, what are you doing for the holiday next week?”  Charlie hesitated.  She hadn’t really celebrated any holidays since moving to Oregon.

“The bar is closed but I work a double at the hotel so everyone else can spend the day with their families.  I take the dogs with to keep me company.  It’s rare but there have been a few times we’ve had people pass through needing a room.  It should be pretty quiet.  Maggie from the diner usually drops off a plate of food to me.”  There was a long silence on JC’s end.  For a moment, Charlie thought she lost the call.

“So, you spend it alone working?  You don’t spend the day with anyone other than a random stranger who may pass through?”  When he said it out loud, it sounded pretty pitiful to her.

“Someone has to cover the desk.  Might as well be the one with no family in the area to visit.”  Charlie picked up a red delicious apple and smelled it.

“Don’t get red, green’s better.  When was the last time you spent a holiday with someone?”  She was taken back by the comment that preceded his question.  She placed the apple down and turned to pick up a green one when a movement caught her eye.  She found JC leaning against a display of bananas, his phone to his ear, and a single red rose in his hand.

Charlie nearly knocked over the pile of apples in front of her from the shock of seeing JC.  She didn’t think she would be so happy to see him again in person.  This really wasn’t helping her quest to shut him out.  He walked purposefully towards her, moving around the produce displays.  He stopped just a step away from her, both of them still with their phones to their ears.

“You told me you were wearing a mumu.”  That devilish grin crept across his face as his eyes grazed suggestively up her body, taking in her usual jeans and sweater.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming to town.”  Charlie ended their call on her phone, setting it in her purse.  JC followed suit, slipping his phone into his pocket.  He offered the rose to her which she accepted.  She barely had a chance to smell it before his lips were pressed against hers, he cradled her head as he deepened the pressure.  She did love the feeling of his lips on hers.  Her hands rested on his biceps to steady herself when his tongue grazed her bottom lip.  She was really enjoying this way too much.

Charlie shifted her hands to rest on JC’s waist, pulling him closer.  He smiled against her lips, enjoying that she was reciprocating.  He finally broke the contact to look her in the eyes.

“I didn’t realized how much I missed you until I saw you.”  He nudged his nose with hers.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming in?  You just keep showing up.”

“I like the surprise on your face when I drop in on you.”  He went in for another kiss, this time using his hips to press her body against the display of apples behind her.  She pushed him back slightly.

“I don’t think the owner would appreciate you bending me over and taking me on his apple display.”  A bolt of electricity shot through JC’s groin at Charlie’s mention of bending her over.  He leaned in close to her ear, his tongue peeking out to flick her earlobe.

“Don’t tempt me.”  His voice was husky which caused her to shudder slightly.

“Whoa there tiger.  You really are feeling frisky today.  And quite handsy as well.”  JC had slipped his hands under the hem of her sweater at her waist.  The skin to skin contact was turning Charlie on.  “If you’re this handsy with your friends, I can only imagine what you’re like with someone you’re dating.”

“Do you wanna find out?”  She was stunned silent.  This was the most forward that he had been with her.  Her eyes moved quickly back and forth, looking for some sign that he was kidding.  His face was serious.  “Are you actually gonna make me say it?”

“Say what?”  JC laughed and Charlie felt embarrassed.  She knew what he meant but something inside of her needed verbal confirmation.  The end of her marriage had left her with a deep insecurity about dating.  

“You are going to make me say it.  I feel like a fifteen year old telling his crush that he likes her.  Okay.  I like you Charlie and I wanna date you.”  Again, she was looking back and forth between his eyes waiting for a sign he was joking.

“Why?”  JC’s head dropped to her shoulder.  He had a feeling that she would be apprehensive.

“I think my actions have been pretty clear that I like you.  I like spending time with you.  We have a connection and I want to see where things go.”  His breath warm on Charlie’s neck was making her tingly.  “I’m not trying to rush you to get you to sleep with me but I’m not gonna lie and say that I don’t want to.”  Wow, was he laying all out there for her.  

Charlie figured JC was a pretty sexual person.  All of his kisses and touches were proof.  Hell, she had listened to his solo album.  Damn near the whole thing screamed sex.  She was by no means a prude but she too felt the connection with him and feared her past would break that connection.  Sex would complicate it.  She had to tell him.  She needed to tell him everything before this got out of hand.

“Josh, I--”  JC pushed his index and middle finger against her lips to quiet her.  He saw a fear stirring in eyes.

“Like I said, I am not trying to rush you.  I want you to know how I feel.  I want you to think about it.  I’m here until Monday.  There’s no pressure.  We’ll spend the next four days together and just see how things play out.”  He placed a succession of light kisses up her neck before meeting her eyes again.  “We good?”

“We’re good.”  Charlie laced her fingers with JC’s as they moved through the grocery store.

“Good.  Now we need to get something other than soup and hummus for dinner tonight.  Also, you and I are spending the day tomorrow in Portland so clear your schedule.”  He gave her a sexy wink before walking ahead of her to check out the meat counter.

Charlie smiled at the man before her.  How did she get so lucky?  She promised herself she would talk to him this weekend and tell him everything.  JC needed to know before he got in too deep.

***

“Are you going to tell me what we’re doing today in Portland?  Anything specific?”  JC had woken Charlie up earlier than she expected so she was a bit cranky.

“We’re gonna see what kind of trouble we can get into today.  No real agenda.  Just something different than Cannon Beach.”  He had tasked her with driving while he was feverishly texting away on his phone.

“I’m gonna warn you now.  I tend to have a mild case of road rage when I hit traffic in Portland so don’t be surprised if expletives start flying.”  JC cocked an eyebrow at Charlie.

“Really?  Have you ever seen LA traffic?  If you road rage in Portland, you’d probably murder someone in LA.”  He returned back to cell phone.

“I’ve driven in worse traffic than Portland but these last few years in Cannon Beach have spoiled me, making my road rage worse.”  She shot him a toothy grin.

The drive into Portland was pretty smooth.  They got into some rush hour traffic but nothing that sparked too much road rage in Charlie.  They decided to take advantage of the warmer and drier than usual November day, opting to go to the Portland Zoo.  Since it was a Thursday, there were very few visitors; they enjoyed exploring leisurely.

They found a small brewery downtown to have lunch after the zoo.  They were sitting among the men and women in business suits on their lunch breaks from the tall buildings surrounding the restaurant.  Charlie recalled when she used to be one of the 9 to 5 crowd.  Truthfully, she missed it sometimes.

“Good Afternoon, I’m Amy.  I’ll be taking care of--  Oh my!”  The waitress there to take their order recognized JC.  She looked to be about Charlie’s age.  JC smiled politely at the woman.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.  What can I get you two to drink?”  The waitress shifted nervously as they gave her their drink order and scurried away quickly.

“You have quite the affect on women don’t you?”  Charlie grinned.  JC reached across the table and grasped her hand.

“The only woman I’m concerned about affecting right now is you.”  He lifted her hand from across the small table, placing a kiss across her knuckles.  The waitress returned quickly with their drinks.  She froze for a moment when she saw their interlocked hands.  Charlie pulled back as their drinks were placed in front of them.

Lunch was nice.  They chatted comfortably as they ate.  Their waitress checked on them periodically, typically addressing JC when she arrived at the table.  This amused Charlie because JC really paid the woman no attention.  Charlie excused herself to use the restroom when they finished eating.

“Here’s your check.  I hope you enjoyed your meal with us.”  The waitress smiled nervously at JC.  He placed his credit card on top the check.

“We did, thank you.”  The waitress was back with his receipt and credit card it seemed within seconds.  

“Would you mind if I asked for an autograph?”  JC gave her a tight lipped smile.

“Sure.”  After signing for their meal, he signed the back of their check for her.

“Thank you so much.  I really appreciate it.  I’m a big fan.  Wait, are you in town for--”  JC caught a glimpse of Charlie walking through the maze of table, returning from the restroom.  He looked up at the waitress and placed his index finger against his lips, motioning for the waitress to hush.

Charlie looked between JC and the waitress at their faces as though they had been caught in the middle of something.

“Everything okay?”  Charlie moved to retake her seat but JC stood and grabbed her hand.

“Yeah, everything’s good.  We’re ready to go, bill’s paid.”  He guided her to the door, his hand on the small of her back.  They began walking the nearly one block trek to her truck, pinky’s linked together.

“She was into you, hardcore!”  Charlie tried to stifle her laughter.  JC rolled his eyes, pulling her closer to place his arm around her shoulders.  He rested his lips against her temple as they walked.

“So glad you’re amused.  She was being a bitch and lucky she got a tip.  Damn rude of her not to acknowledge you.”

“She was starstruck.  I know that’s not the first time that’s happened to you.”  She fished her keys out of her coat pocket as they neared the vehicle.  He pulled her in for a slow kiss.

“She was rude to the woman I like.  I don’t care if she was starstruck.  By the way, I’m driving.”  He quickly pecked her lips one more time before plucking her keys away.  They loaded in and merged into downtown traffic.

“Just go easy on my truck.  You break it, you bought it, handsome.  So, where to next?”  Charlie waited for a response but JC was busy fiddling with his cell phone while half paying attention to driving.  “How about you not kill us and tell me where we’re going?  I’ll tell you how to get where you want to go.”

“It’s a surprise and I know how to get where we’re going.”  He smiled slyly as they headed Northeast out of downtown.

“I thought there was no agenda for today.  What are you up to?”  She eyed him curiously.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head, honey.”  They crossed the Willamette River and the basketball arena came into view.  Charlie noticed an increase in traffic around the arena.  It was still too early in the day for there to be a basketball game and truthfully she really wasn’t a basketball fan.

JC navigated the vehicle around the arena to a security-manned gate.  He caught sight of a large group of women loitering around and feared there might be a scene.  He pulled his hat lower over his face as he rolled down the window when the guard approached.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“A friend is expecting me.  Chasez is the last name.”  JC handed the man his ID when he whispered his last name.  The guard quickly scanned the ID and a clipboard in his hand.  He passed the ID back through the window.

“You better pull in quickly so these crazies don’t mob you.”  The gate opened before them, a few additional guards stepping out to hold back the crowd.  JC pulled the truck through and was led where to park.  Charlie had seen a few of the homemade t-shirts some of the girls around the gate were wearing.  She turned to face him when he parked.

“You keep springing your NSYNC buddies on me.  Did you coordinate your visit to come see me with Justin’s tour stopping in Portland?”   

“I don’t need my friend’s tour as an excuse to come see you.  It’s coincidence that the first stop of the last leg of his tour is here.  I just found out about it being here after I flew in yesterday.”

JC exited the vehicle, rounding it, he opened Charlie’s door and assisting her out.  As they walked the secured lot of the arena hand in hand towards a backdoor, a chorus of screams and cheers sounded from the crowd at the gate.  Some of the women were yelling JC’s name, causing a louder roar.  He waved to the crowd, the scream decibels increasing.  Charlie kept her head down to shield her face.

They disappeared behind a large truck that was being unloaded of equipment.  At the backdoor, they were greeted by a large bodyguard.

“Holy shit, C!  How are you man?”  JC and the beefy guard clasped hands, briefly hugging.

“Big E, man you are still following J’s punk ass around?”

“Not much longer.  I’m too old for this shit.  This is my last rodeo with the kid.”  Charlie watched the interaction of the two men quietly.  The guard smiled politely at her.  “And who’s the lovely lady?”  JC pulled her close.

“This is Charlie.  Charlie, this is Eric.  We call him Big E.  He’s been watching Justin’s butt since the NSYNC days.”

“Seventeen years I’ve been with this brat.  It’s a pleasure to meet you, Charlie.”  Big E shook Charlie’s hand.

“You too.”

“J here yet?”  JC noticed what appeared to be Justin’s tour bus parked close by.

“Not yet.  He’s enroute from the hotel right now.  Should be here in about fifteen.  He asked I meet you guys.  You’ll need these.”  He handed them VIP passes that they placed around their necks.  He pulled the door open allowing them to pass.  “I’m gonna hang out here until he gets here.  Feel free to wander around.  I’ll catch up with y’all in a bit.”

JC and Charlie moved through a series of hallways.  Crew members moved hastily around getting everything prepped for the show.  JC introduced Charlie to people he recognized, stating Justin still employed crew members from when the group toured.  She liked watching him chat animatedly with his old friends.

It appeared that a majority of the stage was already constructed.  Screens and lighting were being tested.  JC guided Charlie up onto the main stage area.  She stood on the edge, facing where the audience would be in a handful of hours, in awe of everything going on around her.  This was all familiar to JC but he liked watching Charlie experience it.  He felt like he was experiencing it again through her eyes.

“Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”  His arms circled around her waist, pulling her back flush against his chest.  She was looking up at all the lighting being moved into place in amazement.

“I don’t know if amazing can truly describe it.  This is insane.”  He chuckled against her neck as he was placing small kisses along the collar of her sweater.

“Imagine when it’s full of fifteen thousand screaming fans.  That’s insane.”  Charlie had been looking down at the arena floor, which was about ten feet below where they stood, when she turned slightly to face JC.

“Do you miss it?”

“I miss the performing and the traveling.  I miss seeing the fans faces when they sing your songs back to you.  I don’t miss the treacherous schedule that kept me away from my loved ones and had me miss out on a quiet life.  I busted my ass, sacrificed, and followed my dreams.  I’m glad I experienced it but I’m grateful I don’t live in the middle of chaos anymore.  I’m financially comfortable and I make music on my terms.”

Charlie liked the open, uninhibited honesty that JC shared with her.  It made her guilt in her own dishonesty start to bubble in her chest.  She kissed his lips in the hopes of quelling some of the guilt.  She just wanted to enjoy the moment.

“No scamming for ass on my stage, man.”  JC and Charlie broke their kiss, turning to face the voice that joined them on stage.  A smiling Justin Timberlake stood before them, dressed as though he had been lounging around all day.

“I don’t need your stage to scam for ass.”  The two men shared a manly hug.

“Josh has to do better than a Justin Timberlake concert if he’s hoping for a piece of ass out of me.”

“Darlin’, you’d be surprised how many men get lucky because of my concerts.”  Justin smiled his megawatt pearly whites at Charlie.  His eyes ran over her body in much the same way Joey’s had when she met him.  “You must be Charlie.”

“That I am.  You NSYNC men have a thing for violating women with your eyes.  You now make number three.  I guess I technically only have one left to worry about.”

“What can I say, I like looking at beautiful women.  And just because he’s gay doesn’t mean Lance can’t appreciate a nice ass on a woman.  He just won’t sleep with you.”  Justin winked playfully at Charlie.

“Touché.”

JC was enjoying watching Charlie and Justin banter.  She was getting along with his friends which could be difficult at times.  They all tended to be protective of each other.  The three of them chatted for a few minutes before Charlie began wandering the stage again, taking in more of the awe inducing sights.  JC and Justin moved down to the arena floor to the sound mixing platform where Justin began prepping for his sound check.

“Joe was right.  She’s a quick witted one, that one.  You met her here in Oregon?  What the hell were you doing here in the first place?”  Justin was fiddling with his in-ear monitors.

“I had writer’s block and needed a break from LA.  Kinda stumbled upon her passing through.  Glad that I did.”  Justin eyed JC curiously.  JC’s eyes never left Charlie as they talked.  What JC wasn’t aware of was that Justin and Joey had talked in length about his recent interest in Charlie.

“She’s done something to you.”  This caused JC to take his eyes off of her and finally give his friend his full attention.

“What do you mean done something?”

“You’re different.  Good different.  Of all the women you’ve dated over the years, I’ve never seen you like this.  She’s brought something out in you.”  Both men watched Charlie as she chatted with Justin’s piano player.

“She’s a good different.”

“Have you slept with her?”  JC glared at Justin who didn’t flinch or seem embarrassed asking the question.

“No, not yet.”

“How long have you known her?”

“Jesus J, what’s with the twenty questions?  I’ve known her a few months.”  JC knew his friend well and expected the questions.

“You know you can’t bring women around us without getting the third degree.  Is she spending your money like some of the others used to?”  This produced a laugh out of JC.

“No, she’s not.  My bank account is safe.”  JC went back to watching Charlie.  She began to play Justin’s “Blue Ocean Floor” on the piano.  Justin’s head shot up from the computer monitor he had been engrossed in.  She sang the first verse and pre-chorus of the song, hitting the pitch just right.

“She’s definitely a female you.  She can’t be half bad.  She knows my music.”  Justin smiled cockily.

JC shook his head in amusement at Justin’s ribbing.  He could tell Joey had filled Justin in on Charlie.

Justin joined in when Charlie got to the chorus, jumping up on the stage.  The rest of the band slowly joined in, playing out the rest of the song even though it wasn’t on the set list.  JC took in Charlie’s happy expression.

Yeah, Charlie isn’t half bad at all.

I know people make promises all the time

Then they turn right around and break them

When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're bleeding

But I could be that guy to heal it over time

And I won't stop until you believe it

'Cause baby you're worth it

These words from the concert the previous night played over and over in Charlie’s head.  JC stood behind her as his friend stood on stage performing the song and whispered the lyrics in her ear.  He sang them to her as if he wrote them for her.  The feeling of his hot breath on her neck stirred both pleasure and guilt inside her stomach.  Was she really worth it?

Charlie and JC had a great time at the concert.  They sat in the VIP booth away from most of the fans.  JC had been polite enough to sign a couple autographs.  A few overzealous fans were snapping pictures and asking if Charlie was his girlfriend.  She tried to shield her face from the camera phones being pointed at her.  Once the show started, all attention was directed to the stage which they both appreciated.

Charlie tried to lose herself in the music by singing and dancing along.  She had a great day with JC but she knew she needed to have an honest conversation with him soon.  If he couldn’t handle her fucked up past, she needed to rip the bandaid off now.  

Getting out of the arena had been a bit of a nightmare.  They hung back and waited for the tour buses to exit which would cause most of the fans to disperse quickly thereafter.  JC opted to drive the trek back to Charlie’s house as she appeared too tired to drive.  She ended up falling asleep shortly after they made it onto the highway.

JC enjoyed watching Charlie cut loose and have fun.  At times she acted almost goofy which he found cute.  She was showing more of her true self.  He just needed to dig deeper into what was driving her into hiding.  He tried to do some research on her via social media and a general internet search but found zero information.  It appeared as though she didn’t exist.  He didn’t pry beyond that since he feared being too invasive would drive her away.

For this trip out to visit Charlie, JC flew in and rented a car rather than driving since he was only staying a long weekend.  She had also offered him to stay with her rather than the hotel.  Being that she wasn’t prepared for a houseguest, she didn’t have a bed other than her own.  His first night there, JC was on the couch but after a few hours of tossing and turning, he climbed in bed with Charlie.  She hadn’t protested though Cosmo seemed a bit perturbed.

They still had not had sex.  Slowly but surely, Charlie was becoming more comfortable with increased physical contact and JC remained respectful to not push too hard.  They found a comfort in one another just laying next to each other at night.  An arm across the waist or a hand on the lower back provided a soothing atmosphere as they slept.

Charlie had woken before JC the morning after the concert.  She turned to watch him sleep.  She recalled how sweet he had been the night before when they finally made it back to her house, well past midnight.  He nearly carried her into the house.  She managed to stay awake long enough to change into her tank top and linen pajama pants before collapsing into bed where she snuggled close to him, falling back asleep almost instantly.    

After watching JC sleep for a few minutes, Charlie moved to exit the bed.  She sat on the edge, stretching her tired body.  As she moved to stand, she felt an arm snake around her waist, pulling her back to lay down.  JC pulled Charlie to his chest, hugging her tightly.  His eyes remained closed and she listened to his heart beat steadily for a moment.

“I need to get up.  I have a phone call to make.”  Her index finger patterned small circles across his t-shirt covered torso.

“Not yet.  Just enjoy the moment.”  Charlie felt the vibration of his chest as he spoke.  JC placed his lips against her forehead, not loosening his grip on her.  She moved her leg to throw over his hip, repositioning herself so she was straddling his waist; an act that threw him for a loop.  His blue eyes met hers from her sitting position above him.  His hands traced up and down her thighs.  She smiled sweetly at him.

“You sleep.  I really have a call I need to make.”  Charlie brought her head down briefly to place a wet kiss on JC’s neck, her hips doing a slow grinding motion against his before hopping off the bed while she had the chance.  He watched her bound towards the bathroom.

“You tease!” He playfully chided at her before she turned to wink at him and close the bathroom door.  He rolled over to try to fall back asleep.  He glanced at the bedside clock showing it was eight thirty.  They had only gone to sleep six hours prior.

JC heard Charlie exit the bathroom and move out of the bedroom.  He laid there staring at the ceiling, recalling the previous day in his head.  He smiled to himself at the great time they had.  He laid in bed, lazily dozing in and out of consciousness.  He looked again at the clock seeing it was a quarter past nine.  He figured his attempts to fall back asleep were in vain, deciding to get up.  He didn’t hear any movement in the kitchen which peaked his curiosity.

Once his morning bathroom routine was taken care of, JC entered the kitchen which was eerily quiet.  He could smell the lingering scent of a cup of coffee that Charlie brewed.  He followed suit prepping himself a much needed cup.  With his coffee in hand, he set out in search of her.  He moved down the hallway on the opposite side of the house, faintly hearing her speaking to someone.

JC found Ginny laying in the hallway outside Charlie’s office, chewing on a dog toy.  The office door was left partially open.  He leaned against the door frame, sipping his coffee, watching Charlie balance a cell phone on her shoulder while she typed away on her keyboard.  Cosmo lay on the floor at the end of her desk, almost standing guard.

JC noted to himself that the phone Charlie was using was not the cell phone she typically carried with her.  She normally used a newer model smartphone while the one she was currently speaking into appeared to be an old flip phone.  He tried not to think too much of it as he listened to her speak animatedly to whomever was on the other end of the line.

“I’m telling you Dave, I have triple checked it.  You have a formula error on the spreadsheet which has overstated your projected revenues on your ten-year cash flow.  We’re talking millions of dollars…..I don’t know how three other people missed it but you need to roll it back up to them ASAP…..Since you don’t have the revenue stream you guys thought, you’re gonna have to push some of your capital expenditures out a few years to compensate.”

JC was fascinated with the side of Charlie’s conversation that he was hearing.  She was carrying on about what sounded to be a very lucrative financial matter.  He had no idea she was so well versed in accounting being that she tended bar.  He entered further into the room and took a seat across from her.  She smiled politely at him, motioning with her finger to give her a moment.

“Look, just email it over to me and I’ll take a look at it next week.  I’m busy the next few days but I can look at it Monday….I’ll call you then…..Okay, you too.  Bye.”  Charlie ended her phone call, powering off the cell phone before slipping it her desk drawer.

“That sounded pretty serious.  Should I be worried?  You don’t secretly work for the mob do you?  Am I going to get whacked?”  JC made himself more comfortable, kicking his feet up onto Charlie’s desk.  She snickered at him before pushing his feet off, nearly causing him to spill the hot liquid in his mug on himself.

“You caught me.  I do the books for the mob.  Being that they are such upstanding citizens and properly prepare their financial statements monthly.  I gotta float my lavish lifestyle somehow.”  Charlie folded her hands together on top of the desk and cocked an eyebrow at JC.

“Hey, who am I to judge?  I’m just not looking to end up in the crossfire of some turf war.”  She shook her head wryly as she closed the programs on her computer.

“Someone is a comedian this morning.”  Once the computer was shut down, Charlie exited the office with JC hot on her tail.

“I’m not usually this sharp with only a handful of hours of sleep but someone was a tease this morning so I couldn’t fall back asleep.”  He reached out to gently pinch her in the ass as they walked towards the kitchen.  She yelped and smacked at his hand.

“Hey now.  I had to use any means necessary to get you to let me out of bed.  I told you I had a phone call.”  Charlie began filling the sink with warm, soapy water to wash a few dirty dishes.

“So how many jobs do you have?”  JC hopped up on the counter opposite from where she was placing dishes into the water.

“Just the two here.”  She had her back to him and didn’t offer anything else as an explanation.

“Then what was that whole thing on the phone?”  He was becoming frustrated with the vague answers.

“I was helping out an old friend.”  Again, another vague, short answer.

“Come on Charlie.  Throw me a bone.  Since when does a bartender provide extensive advice about revenues and capital expenditures worth millions of dollars?”  Charlie turned from her task, her hands dripping soapy water onto the floor when she faced JC.  He had leaned back, resting on his hands.  She took in his fitted grey t-shirt and too long flannel pajama pants that sat low on his waist.  He looked pretty damn cute with that serious expression on his face.  She turned back to the sink.  She debated how much she was reach to spill to him.

“I worked several years as an accountant before I moved here.  I was talking to my old boss on the phone, going over their annual budget.  He refuses to accept that I don’t work for him anymore.  They use me as a consultant throughout the year.”  That explained all the spreadsheets JC had seen strewn across Charlie’s desk.

“An accountant, huh?  So you do people’s taxes and shit?”  She chuckled, her eyes not leaving the water in front of her.

“No, I’m definitely not a tax accountant.  I have too much personality for that.  I’m good with numbers and I like research so I got a degree in accounting, focusing on audit and white collar crimes.”

“And now you work as a bartender.”  Charlie turned once again to face JC again.  She flicked soapy water at him, glaring at his comment.

“Watch it asshole.  Forgive me if I don’t live up to your expectations.”  He chuckled at her obvious anger at him.  He wasn’t trying to piss her off but she confused him.  He hopped off the counter, closing the space between them.  She pushed his shoulder in warning, leaving a wet handprint on his shirt.

“Don’t.”  Charlie turned away from JC.  She was regretting opening up.  It further hindered her decision on when to drop her entire life story on him.  He pushed his body flush against hers, his arms circling around her waist.  She bumped his hip, attempting to get him to back off.  “I’m serious, don’t touch me.”

“Charlie….”  He didn’t move to release his hold on her.  She tilted her head away from him when he started placing kisses along the column of her neck, trying to get away but it only served to give him better access.  “I don’t care what you do for a living.  I’m just trying to figure you out.  As for expectations, you have far exceed any that I had.  I just want you to open up to me.”

“I’m scared.”  JC pulled back to get a better look at Charlie’s face.  Her head was bowed, her eyes downcast into the sink, her hands motionless in the dishwater in front of her.

“Scared of what?  Scared of me?”

“Scared of what you could do to my heart.  My last heartbreak almost killed me.”  Her voice was raw, full of emotion.

“You have to tell me these things.  Talk to me!  I want to know what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling.  Relationships are always a risk but I will try my damnedest not hurt you and I hope you give me the same consideration.”

Charlie bit the inside of her check, mulling over what JC just said.  Give him the same consideration.  But could he handle it all.  She could barely handle it all and it was her burden to bear.  Her fingers skimmed the water; she could feel they were pretty pruned.

“I was married for almost nine years before it fell apart and my husband divorced me.  The first major challenge in our relationship and his solution was divorce.  No other consideration was given.  I vowed until death do us part and him divorcing me nearly killed me.”  She chuckled wryly.  “How pathetic, I wasn’t even able to make it out of my twenties without becoming another fucking statistic.”

Charlie couldn’t bring herself to look at JC.  He hadn’t moved away from her in disgust but she was fearful of his facial expression after she just dumped a small part of her emotional baggage on him.  All she could hear was his even breathing next to her ear.

“It’s shitty you had to go through that.  It doesn’t make you pathetic.  It makes you human.”  He moved her hair off of her neck that had fallen in his way and resumed placing wet kisses across her skin.  “Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me.”

Charlie lifted her left hand out of the soapy water, bringing it rest against JC’s cheek, leaving soap suds to run down his neck.  She turned her head to capture his lips in a passionate kiss.  When her hand moved up into his hair, JC took that as his queue to move his hands under her tank top.  He slowly explored her abdomen, creeping upward.

Upon making contact with Charlie’s breasts, JC pinched each nipple gently.  She broke the kiss when an electric current of pleasure shot down her stomach.  A loud moan escaped her lips, fisting his hair.  Her hips bucked involuntarily, pressing her ass against his groin.  JC sucked on her earlobe as he groaned.  Charlie’s head fell back against his shoulder, enjoying the feeling.

JC swept his right hand down her stomach, playing with the hem of her pajama pants.  He hesitated to go any further.  Charlie had just revealed a very raw, emotional piece of her past and he didn’t want to seem as though he was taking advantage of her vulnerability.

Charlie rested her right hand on top of JC’s, guiding his hand inside the hem of her pajamas and panties.  When his fingers finally made contact with their mark, her sharp gasps filled the kitchen.  Both of his hands moved simultaneously, causing her to create a chorus of moans and sighs.  She felt he was skillfully playing her body like an instrument.

As she rode his hand, Charlie’s hips bucked, grinding into JC hard.  She could feel his erection pressing into her ass.  She started to become lightheaded.

“Does that feel good, baby?  Do you like it when I touch you?”  The low, husky tone of his voice nearly sent her over the edge.

“God, yes!  Fuck, don’t stop!”  He truly had no clue what kind of pleasure he was causing her at that moment.  It had been so long since anyone had made her feel this way.  He kept his pace steady, enjoying the noises he was causing her.

Abruptly, she turned in his arms, momentarily breaking the contact of his hands on her.  She crashed her lips against his, both of them stumbling back until JC hit the opposite counter.  His fingers dug into Charlie’s hips as her arms rested atop his shoulders.  Flipping them both around quickly, he hoisted her up on the counter as they nipped at each other’s lips.

JC hooked both of his index fingers into the waistband of her pants, temporarily breaking the contact of their kiss to look into her eyes.  He froze.  He could see the lust in her eyes, begging him to continue.  But mixed in with the lust was fear.  She was still holding back and this really wasn’t how he wanted their first time to be; he hadn’t waited nearly three months just to screw her on her kitchen counter.   

Charlie could see that JC’s eyes had darkened in the heat of the moment.  He wanted her as much as she wanted him at that moment but she watched the hesitation creep across his face.  Her smile faltered.  He was doubting sleeping with her; she could see it in his eyes.  She pulled her tank top down to its original position.  She was humiliated.  She moved to slide off the counter but he stopped her.

“Wait Charlie, I didn’t--”

“Save it.  I don’t want to hear it.  This is the second time I’ve literally thrown myself at you and I really can’t handle another rejection.  I look like a fool.”  Anger was building inside her, more at herself but some at him as well.

“This is not how I want our first time be.  Not some cheap quickie on your kitchen counter.  I’m not rejecting you.  I want you.  I want to sleep with you.  God, do I want to sleep with you.”  JC pinched the bridge of his nose to calm his hormones and his erection.  “But I can see a hesitation and a fear in your eyes.  I won’t take advantage of your vulnerability just to satisfy my sexual wants.  We’ll get there, just not like this.”

Charlie couldn’t help but smile.  Granted, she had only been with a handful of men in her sexual “career” but JC was the first to not put his own sexual desires in front everything else.  She felt shitty for thinking he would be a typical male, more so a typical celebrity, and jump in her pants the first chance he got.  She had her fair share of interactions with chauvinistic male celebrities that could have cared less that she was married at the time.  Wife swapping seemed to run rampant throughout their exclusive little group.

Charlie figured JC had had his fair share of women.  Sure she liked his music but she honestly hadn’t followed his career regularly but she had done a recent internet search to see what she could find out about his dating history.  If she asked him, she figured he’d likely be honest but he had others prying into his life and she didn’t want to be one of them.  She had tasted a small amount of that prying herself and hated it.

“Are you real?  I’ve never had a guy not put his sexual wants first.”

“Oh, I’m very real.  You obviously weren’t dating the right men.  But mark my words,” he leaned in close to her ear “when it happens, it’s on.  I’ll do things to you that will make you--”  Charlie clamped her hand over JC’s mouth.

“Down tiger.  Don’t finish that sentence unless you plan on following through right this minute.”  He gently nipped at her hand across his mouth which she removed.  He kissed her sweetly, pushing his tongue past the seam of her mouth.  He tasted amazing to her.

“I’ll follow through and then some.”  JC’s eyes twinkled with mischief.  “I wanted to share something with you that I wrote.  You shared your notebook with me a few weeks ago and I wanted to do the same.”  His face turned serious.  

“Of course.”  Charlie watched as JC walked into her bedroom.  He returned moments later with his leather-bound notebook.  He ran his hand nervously over the cover.  He’d never allowed a woman he dated to read something he had written about her directly out of his notebook before.  Charlie was doing something to him that caused him to have a lot of firsts with her.

“I told you a while back that I went on that road trip because I had writer’s block and needed to get away for a while.  I was hoping that a change of scenery would spark inspiration to get me back into the groove.  I definitely found it.”  JC paused briefly, nearly chickening out.  “The first night I heard you sing at the bar, I caught my first wave of inspiration.  The more time I spent with you, the less my writer’s block has hindered me.  I’ve been writing like crazy.  I have one writing in particular that I wrote about you.  Because of you, I’ve found my music again.  You’ve become a muse.”

Charlie was stunned silent.  She had never been a muse to anyone before, especially to someone of JC’s status.  She watched him flip through several pages before stopping at the one he wanted.  He placed the book in her hands.  She continued to stare at him for several seconds before lower her eyes.

You hide behind blank and hollow eyes

Reeling from the pain of so many lies

The fear of letting love in once again

Just know I’m here, no matter when

You’re ready to open up and let me in

So show me the darkest corners of your mind

Where no one else goes

Let me see all the scars you hide

They’re a roadmap of all your woes

You’ve become the master of disguise

I can see it in your lifeless eyes

Uncloak your heart and dry your tears

I’ll be there to quiet your fears

Let go of what you’re not

And show me who you are

My love is never too far

I want to taste your soul

“Wow.”  Charlie’s voice was barely a whisper.  She felt as though JC had pulled these words straight from her soul.  She hadn’t realized how transparent she had been.  She thought she was doing a good job of hiding all of her pain.  “This is beautiful, Josh.  Thank you for showing me this.”

The level of trust it took for JC to open up and share his original writing was something Charlie never expected to experience.  She didn’t believe that either of them had quite reached the “love” stage of their relationship but there were feelings stirring for sure.  Neither of them could deny it.

JC briefly recalled hearing Charlie move through the bedroom at an hour that seemed too damn early.  He saw a faint glow of light around the heavily curtained window.  He definitely wasn’t ready to get out of bed but wasn’t sure what her plans for the day were.  

Due to thunderstorms, they had spent most of the previous day at Charlie’s watching movies after their near sex slip.  JC had vowed that when the time came they were going to sleep together, she had to be the one initiating with zero doubt.  If he sensed any fear, he would stop it like he had before.

JC had fallen back asleep shortly after hearing Charlie rise.  He was woken again when she kissed him goodbye.  He vaguely recalled her saying something about having to work at the hotel and they’d catch up later.  He tasted the lingering flavor of the mint in her toothpaste.  Once again, he slipped into unconsciousness when the front door clicked closed.

Being that he dropped in on her once again, JC knew that Charlie would have to work at some point during his trip.  It was now Saturday so she would have her closing shift at the bar.  He figured she had gotten summoned to the hotel and decided to take advantage of the quiet, sleeping until noon.  Something he felt he didn’t do nearly enough anymore.

JC likely wouldn’t have a chance to sleep in like this for a while.  After the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, he would fly to Mexico City for a few weeks to film the movie his manager filled him in on.  He would also be spending time in the studio since the movie was as well a musical.

He was excited for what was to come but it meant he wasn’t sure when he’d be available to spend time with Charlie.  JC tried to convince her to accompany him to Thanksgiving at his parents house but she refused stating again that she had to work.  They would have to settle for phone calls and text messages for the time being.

It had been several years since JC had brought someone home with him for the holidays.  He had dated several people over the years but he hadn’t brought them home to his parents.  Something about the holidays held a sacred place in his heart and taking a woman to his parents house to share it was not a common occurrence.  He had introduced girlfriends to his family, just not at holidays.

Something about Charlie sparked the want to introduce her to his parents.  Perhaps it was a bit too soon and slightly naive but he could see a long term relationship with her.  He was pushing forty; something his mother liked to remind him on a regular basis.  He didn’t think he would be ready for marriage anytime soon but it wasn’t something he had completely ruled out.  Same thing with having kids.

JC just needed to figure out how to shake down the walls that Charlie still had standing.  She had shared that she had been married once but no detail as to why they separated.  He was becoming frustrated with the lack of detail he was getting out of her.  He was constantly reminding himself to be patient.

Figuring it was time to join the living, JC stretched his tired body; several loud cracks echoed through Charlie’s bedroom from his joints protesting the movement.  He glanced down next to him to see Cosmo laying flush against his leg.  When they made eye contact, the dog’s tail wagged happily.

“You finally warming up to me sleeping in your bed with your momma, buddy?”  JC scratched the happy dog behind his ears before standing up.  While showering, he decided that he would surprise Charlie by picking up lunch and taking it to her at the hotel.

JC grabbed a to go order from the diner and headed to the hotel.  He was surprised when he walked in and Charlie wasn’t behind the desk.  Rather, another employee was there.

“Is Charlie here?”  The older woman looked up from the book she had been reading, smiling warmly at JC.

“Yeah, she’s back in the manager’s office.  Go on back hun.”  He nodded appreciatively to the woman and made his way down a long hall behind the desk.  The door to the office was cracked open.  He peered in to find Charlie with her earbuds in, her head nodding to the rhythm of the music drifting in her ears.  Her attention was on a stack of paperwork in front of her.

The scene kind of reminded him of the time he caught her off guard when she was dusting.  He smiled at the memory.  Rather than freak her out this time, JC flipped the light switch next to the door a few time to get Charlie’s attention.  She glanced upward at the overhead light before settling her eyes on him.  A bright smile split across her face at the sight of him.  Turning off the iPod and removing the earbuds, she met him at the door, kissing him deeply.

“Hey there!  What a nice surprise.  What are you doing here?”  JC brought the bag of food from behind his back.

“I come bearing sustenance.  Figured you could use a break.”  He moved deeper into the small room, Charlie closing the door behind him.

“You are a mind reader.  I’m starving.  Please tell me you brought some of Maggie’s amazing meatloaf from the diner.”  JC took the seat on the opposite side of the desk and began unloading the food containers, nodding in confirmation.  Charlie cleared an area for them, grabbing a couple of bottled waters from a mini fridge along the wall behind her.  They settled into their food.

“Listening to Elton again?”  JC tilted his head in the direction of her iPod as he scooped a spoonful of coleslaw into his mouth.

“What can I say, old gay men that play the piano just do it for me.”  Charlie dipped a piece of meatloaf into her mashed potatoes before shoveling the bite past her lips.  A twinkle of playfulness danced in her eyes; a sight JC was glad to see.

“Well, would you settle for an aging straight pop star that plays the piano and could introduce you to Elton?”

“Eh, I’d consider it but I’ve already met Elton.”  The forced bored expression on her face made him chuckle.

“Thanks for the consideration.”  A few moments of comfortable silence passed between them before JC spoke again.  “I think Cosmo is finally warming up to me sleeping in the bed.  I actually got a tail wag out of him.”

“I told you Cos would come around.  He’s just not used to having to share his half of the bed.  You’re growing on him.  He’s just making sure to keep you in line.”  Charlie wiggled her eyebrows at JC suggestively.

“He’s a ninety-five pound chastity belt of teeth and attitude.  I can barely touch you in bed without getting the stink eye from him.  Just imagine what he’s gonna be like when we start having sex.”  Charlie froze for a few seconds, processing the comment.

“I don’t plan on having an audience when we have sex so no worries about my ‘chastity belt’.  Besides, I tend to be a bit vocal in bed.  I don’t need curious dogs investigating.  They’ll be locked up in the laundry room.”  JC groaned at Charlie’s mention of being vocal in bed.

“Damn you.  You had to say that, didn’t you?”  She feigned an innocent look.

“What?  You said you wanted me to be more open and honest with you.”

“Tease.  Okay, change of subject.  Are you sure you can’t come home with me for Thanksgiving?  It’s just a few days.  I’ll cover your plane ticket.”  Charlie sighed deeply at JC’s mention once again about the upcoming holiday.

“I think you’re looking for a fight rather than a change of subject.  It’s not about the cost of a plane ticket.  I can’t and won’t change everyone’s schedule this close to the holiday.  It’s not fair to the other’s here.  I’m not budging on this one Josh.”  JC knew he was pushing his limit; it was written all over Charlie’s face.

“Then Christmas?  That gives you a month to figure it out.  Come on Charlie.  Work with me here.”  The pitiful look on his face was working her nerves.

“Don’t you think it’s a little soon to be meeting the family already?  I know I’m not ready to subject you to my batshit crazy family for your sake.  The therapy bills alone would put me in the poor house.”  JC recognized Charlie’s defense mechanism of using humor to talk her way out of an uncomfortable situation.  He understood it but didn’t like it.

“Everyone has a batshit crazy family.  It’s not uncommon to ask the person you’re dating to spend a holiday with them.  I’m asking you to consider it.  You default to no or crack a joke to avoid an uncomfortable situation.  Just think about it.  Jesus!”  He used his fork to stab at the bun of his pulled pork sandwich.

“You’re about the get Mouthy Charlie again.”  She pushed the food around in the container in front of her.  This was her opportunity to tell him the truth.  “Maybe I’m not ready for this.  Any of this.  I thought after three years I might be but there is too much buried that I can’t seem to let go of and I don’t want to drag you down into this pit with me.”

“Whatever you think you need to protect me from, I’m a big boy.  I can handle more than you might think.  I want you to tell it all to me.  The good, the bad.  All of it but I understand it’s hard to relive all at once.  I want to understand what was so bad that you have hidden yourself here for three years.”

They stared at each other in silence for several minutes.  All the words bubbled in Charlie’s throat, threatening to spill out before them.  The thought of complete vulnerability was keeping the words at bay.

“I told you Josh, my divorce damn near killed me.  I invested too much into one person at too young of an age.  That level of commitment to someone, I don’t know if I can put myself out there again.  He screwed up and I came out looking like the bad guy.”  It was a small bread crumb but JC would take it.  Another piece of the puzzle.  He tilted his head to catch her gaze.

“Did he cheat?”  Charlie refused to cry even though tears hovered behind her eyes.

“Not physically but I think that makes it worse.  The feelings that a married couple are only supposed to share with each other blurred for him.  I think it would have hurt less is he was screwing her.”  Her last comment tasted bitter in her mouth.  She wasn’t sure if it was true but after the pain she felt, she figured anything would have felt better.  

JC abandoned his meal, standing to walk around the desk to close the distance between them.  He knelt down next to Charlie, swiveling the office chair so she was facing him.  She met his eyes but flinched when he placed his hands on her jean clad thighs.

“I’m sorry you went through that Charlie.  I know it hurts when someone cheats on you.  You gotta talk to someone though.  Whether it’s me, your sister, a therapist, hell, even the dogs; just talk to someone.  Don’t bottle that shit inside of you and allow it to ruin your future relationships.  You gotta learn how to take chances again or a good thing might slip away.”  JC stood up, his hands still on her thighs and leaned over to place a warm kiss next to her ear.  “Don’t let it slip away.”

A small shudder snaked up Charlie’s spine.  Her eyes closing momentarily.  She felt a chill wash over her when his body left her immediate vicinity.  A panic rose inside her.  She was sabotaging herself.  

“What if?”  JC stopped his exit from the office at her questions.  He waited a few seconds waiting for her to finish.  He turned towards her when he was met with silence.  “What if you’re my what if?”  Charlie swallowed the lump forming in her throat, licking her dry lips.  Her hand went up to the silver stud in her left ear to play with in nervousness.  He swore he could see a slight tremble in her shoulders.

“You’re what if what?”  He stayed at the door, his hand poised at the knob, ready to exit.

“What if you are the one who will show me how to trust again?  What if you are the person who can make me see that while love hurts sometimes, it’s worth fighting for?  What if you were dropped in front of me for the reason of opening my eyes to my stupidity and open up to someone completely again?  What if that’s you?”  Charlie’s eyes dropped to her hands in her lap.  JC bit his bottom lip as he processed her words.  He dragged his thumb nervously down the bridge of his nose.  As much as he wanted to cross the room and pull her to him, he resisted.  She needed to decide if she could take the leap of faith.

“You need to decide if you want to allow me to be your what if.”  He turned the doorknob, opening it slightly.  “I’ll see you tonight at the bar.”  With that, JC was gone.

***

For the remainder of the day, JC grabbed his notebook and the dogs, heading down to the river to think.  Not to seem conceited, but JC had never experienced such resistance from a woman before.  Another first that Charlie was giving him.  She was the opposite of the clingy, self-absorbed women of his recent past.  He didn’t want those type of women but the walls Charlie had up were challenging.

JC needed to decide if he wanted to put in the effort to pursue this relationship or cut his losses now.  His heart was already involved.  He was asking her to take a leap of faith.  Was he willing to do the same?

Charlie’s doubt in herself was creating a small amount of doubt inside JC.  Before their last conversation, he felt pretty confident that he was ready to embark on something long term with her.  She said he might be her what if.  Could she be his?

The other side of the what if’s between them were: what if things end messy?  What if secrets come between them?  What if this was all a mistake?  The good with the bad.  If you don’t take the leap of faith, a good thing might slip away.

JC was willing to take the leap but Charlie needed to decide now rather than later if she would as well.  He wasn’t willing to compromise his own heart if she doubted that she could let him in.  Not at this stage in his life.

Just after eight in the evening, JC stepped out of the frigid November air and into the warm atmosphere that the bar provided from its Saturday crowd.  As usual, mostly locals milled around the open space; a sprinkling of tourists dotted the crowd.  He craned his neck to hopefully catch a glimpse of Charlie behind the bar.  He saw the short blonde, Sadie, that typically worked Saturday’s with Charlie.  The other person behind the bar with Sadie was definitely not Charlie.

A tall, older gentleman was working alongside Sadie.  No sign of Charlie was present.  A small twinge of panic sparked in JC’s chest.  She had made no mention of not being at the bar that night when he told her he would meet up with her there later.  He moved to the far end of the bar to catch Sadie’s attention.  She smiled brightly when she caught sight of him.

“Hey there, hun.  You want a beer?”  Sadie moved to push her breasts together when she leaned on the bar in front of JC.  He caught what she was trying to do but wasn’t impressed.

“I’m actually looking for Charlie.  Is she around?”  He glanced in the direction of the male bartender, showing that he wasn’t expecting Charlie to not be present.

“Sure thing, hun.  She’s back in the office.  Use the side entrance down the hall.  Last door on the left.”  Sadie tipped her head in the direction of a narrow hallway that JC knew to lead to the bathrooms.  He nodded in acknowledgement and proceeded down the hall.  He knocked lightly on the designated door before entering.  He found Charlie sitting on a small couch.  She smiled at him when he appeared.

“Hey.”

“Hey.  You’re not working tonight?”  JC closed the door behind him but stayed next to it across the room.  Charlie rose from her seat, making quick work of closing the distance between them.  Her fingers grazed across his neck, into his hair as their lips met in a deep kiss.  He was taken aback for a moment at the sudden contact.  His hands gripped her waist tightly as he fell back against the wall behind him.

The kiss didn’t feel desperate or needy.  It felt powerful and almost healing in a way.  Their conversation earlier that day had an impact on Charlie and JC could feel it in their kiss.  He rose his hands to cup her cheeks, pulling her face back to look into her eyes.  He saw no signs of the previous hollow, lifeless person he originally met.  He also saw no signs of fear like he had the previous day.  She was either hiding all of her emotions really well in that moment or a calm had finally settled in her to allow him in.

JC glanced down at her attire, taking in the floor length black skirt and her sandal covered feet.  The thin material of the charcoal grey top she wore over a dark colored camisole didn’t look to provide much warmth.

“You’re not exactly dressed to sling beer tonight.  Did I miss something?  It’s freezing outside.  Where are the rest of your clothes?”  He pulled Charlie close, feeling the need to provide her warmth with his body.  She dropped light kisses along the hollow of his neck, her tongue lightly grazing his Adam’s apple that bobbed as he spoke.

“I got someone to cover my shift tonight so you and I could spend more time together.  I will be performing with the band tonight but other than that, I’m all yours the rest of the weekend until you leave Monday morning.”  The stubble of JC’s week old beard tickled Charlie’s nose as she kissed up his jaw, back up to his mouth.  “I get to see what Saturday is like on the other side of the bar tonight.  I’m buying, no exceptions.”  She placed an index finger between their nearly adjoined lips so he couldn’t protest her paying for their drinks.

“Thank you.”  JC placed another deep kiss on Charlie’s lips, his tongue teasing hers briefly before they exited the office, fingers laced together.

Charlie was enjoying seeing what it was like to experience the bar on a Saturday as a patron rather than an employee.  Her and JC nursed their drinks while sitting closely to one another in a small booth, slipping into easy conversation.  They people watched and made up funny stories about some of the more colorful characters surrounding them.

A few minutes before she was due to be on stage, Charlie eased out of the booth.  She had Sadie bring over another round of drinks and she disappeared behind the black curtain of the stage.

Charlie sang a couple of duets with the lead singer before she took over for a few songs of her own.  She sat behind the electric keyboard, preparing herself to take over the spotlight.

“Thank you all for coming out tonight.  I got a few songs for your guys tonight that I hope you enjoy.  The first one is called ‘The Day Before You’.”  Charlie and the band broke into the open chords of the song.  JC couldn’t place it right off the bat but it had a country vibe to it.

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you   

For a majority of the song, Charlie’s blue eyes were glued to JC’s.  They had bonded over music and in that moment, that’s what she was using to show him that she was willing to bring down the barriers she put up around herself.  

At the close of the song, loud cheers and applause erupted through the bar.  Charlie managed to see the grin plastered on JC’s face.  She knew her own was flushing a deep shade of pink as she thanked the crowd.

“You’re too kind.  Thank you.”  Charlie waiting until a dull roar settled around the bar’s occupants.  “This next one is one you probably haven’t heard before.  It’s uh….  It’s kind of an unconventional love song written by an amazing songwriter.  I want to dedicate it to someone very special who has come into my life recently.”

It felt as though butterflies the size of eagles were migrating through Charlie’s stomach.  She knew singing the next song may not go over well but she was willing to dangle herself out there if she was really going to try to be open with JC.  After several quick deep breaths, Charlie’s fingers glided over the piano keys.

In the first few opening bars of the piano intro, JC’s spine locked ramrod straight.  He could feel his heartbeat thump loudly in his ears along with the notes of the song playing.  How did she manage to find it?  It hadn’t been officially released.  It was meant for his sophomore album.  Charlie closed her eyes and opened her mouth.

I could be the first to let you know
That nothing means anything
Now I'm standing here outside your door
in the pouring rain
And I can't believe nothing's supposed to get to me
Now I'm in this misery

I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide
It's like I almost died
The way you make me feel
I'm changing, got me breaking down inside
Baby can't you see, you ruined me
For life

I will be the last to let you down
All your fears and doubts are
Hovering above you like a cloud
And the water's rising
Now I can't breathe, nothing's how it's supposed to be
How did you do this to me
Locked inside your heart shaped box

I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide
It's like I almost died
The way you make me feel
I'm changing, got me breaking down inside
Baby can't you see, you ruined me
for life

I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna feel this way
All I wanna do is leave
But all I can do is stay
Nights and days go by
and I can't wait to touch your face again

I could be the first to let you know, whoa
That I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide
It's like I almost died
The way you make me feel
I'm changing, got me breaking down inside
Baby can't you see, you ruined me

Oh, I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide
It's like I almost died
The way you make me feel
I've been changing, got me breaking down inside
Baby can't you see, you ruined me

I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna feel this way
All I wanna do is leave
You ruined me for life

This time, Charlie couldn’t bring herself to look at JC while she sang.  She found the song on YouTube when she was poking around the internet, looking up info on him.  How she managed to keep her voice steady through the entire song was beyond her but she did.  She knew the crowd was cheering but it felt as though her ears were plugged with cotton.

Charlie finally managed to open her eyes to face the bar patrons.  She smiled shyly, rising from the stool behind the electric keyboard.  She bowed before finally scurrying her eyes to the table she was sharing with JC.  Her blood ran cold when she found the table empty.  She quickly scanned the bar, keeping the smile plastered on her face.  She found no sight of him.

After hurriedly hugging the members of the band, Charlie shuffled back to her table.  Both of their beers still sat there, JC’s half gone.  There was no note.  Him and his jacket were gone.  She bobbed through the crowd up to the bar, flagging down Sadie.

“Sadie, have you seen Josh?”  Sadie looked pitifully at Charlie.

“He tossed two twenties on the bar and beelined it for the door just as you were finishing up your last song.  His face was pretty blank and ghost white.”

Charlie felt a wave of dread punch her in the abdomen.  Had she just royally fucked up?  She ran to the front door, hoping to catch JC on the street.  She instantly was overcome with chills from the icy sea air blowing around her.  Her teeth chattered as she looked up and down the block in both directions, praying she found him.

The dark street was mostly deserted, no sign of JC.  Charlie fisted her hair in her hands, instantly regretting her decision to sing his song.  Her body began to shake with unshed tears along with the freezing temperatures.  She leaned against the wall, her ragged breaths coming out in smoky puffs in front of her.

“Dear God, what have I done?”

Charlie tortured herself for nearly ten minutes standing outside, trying to pull herself together.  She had managed to hold back her tears but could not shake the tight anxiety in her chest.  It was just her luck, the moment she was willing to let her walls down, reality slapped her across the face.  A few times, she felt the tingle under her tongue like she was going to throw up.  Deep breaths helped to keep her dinner down.

Once she managed to gain her composure, Charlie re-entered the bar to collect her things from the back office.  She gave a half-hearted wave to the two bartenders as she exited once more, still numb from her previous trip outside.  She was regretting her choice in clothing along with many other things at the moment.

Other than her house, Charlie wasn’t sure where JC would go at this time of night.  It was late and he didn’t know the area that well.  He would need to seek shelter eventually from the arctic temperatures.  Unless he grabbed his things from Charlie’s and headed to Portland to go home early, there wasn’t anywhere for him to go.  Except maybe the hotel for the night.

With the thought that JC might pack up and leave, Charlie’s foot pressed down harder on the accelerator.  She needed to try to find him.  She had tried his cell phone as she drove towards her house but after several rings, it went to voicemail.  She didn’t leave a message.  She needed to see him in person.

To her dismay, Charlie didn’t find JC’s rental parked in front of her house.  She entered the house, flipping lights on in nearly every room, still hoping she would find him even though his car wasn’t there.  Going into her bedroom, she found his suitcase still sitting open on the easy chair in the corner.  His toiletries still dotted the normally unused side of the double vanity in the bathroom.  She took this as a good sign that he had to show up eventually.

The tightness of anxiety still pulled in her chest again.  This had been the strongest urge that she had had in awhile.  Her hands were planted on the vanity, her head hung in exhaustion, as she tried to breath through the feeling; her vision starting to blur.  A wave of nausea and a light headed feeling hit her at the same time.  She willed herself to fight off all emotions.  She needed to keep it together.

After quickly checking on the dogs, Charlie settled on the couch in the living room to wait until JC showed up.  She decided to leave the dogs locked in the laundry room, not wanting to have to deal with out of control animals if they got into an argument.

The entire day played on a loop in Charlie’s mind as she waited.  She continually beat herself up for pulling such a stupid stunt.  She didn’t know what made her think he wouldn’t freak out.  She crossed a line that treaded into sensitive territory.  He had obviously written that song for someone special and she’d appropriated it in a violating way.

As worked up as she had made herself, Charlie didn’t think it was possible to fall asleep but at some point she had dozed off into a dreamless sleep.  It wasn’t until she heard a car door slam, which caused the dogs to bark, did she realize she’d closed her eyes.  The clock on the wall read a quarter to midnight, she had only been out for about thirty minutes.

Charlie held her breath as she waited for JC to either ring the doorbell or just walk in.  She heard his heavy footfalls as he climbed the few steps onto the porch.  There was a brief silence before the front door opened.  She jumped to her feet, waiting for him to appear.  When he finally did, her held breath rushed out of her lungs in a violent whoosh.  She couldn’t read the expression on his face.  She wrung her hands in front of her stomach nervously.

“Josh, I….  I didn’t mean to…..  I obviously upset you…..  I wasn’t….”  None of the rehearsed apology that Charlie practiced was coming out the way she wanted it to.  As she stuttered to explain herself, JC cocked his head to the side as he stared at her.  His intense gaze made hers drop to the floor.  The tears that she had been holding in stung her eyes.  She bit her bottom lip to settle the quiver that started.  “I’m so sorry, Josh.  I never meant to hurt you.”

Charlie’s voice was barely a whisper.  She couldn’t bring herself to lift her head.  Tears quietly slid down her cheeks as she hoped he would say something soon.  The silent treatment was making her embarrassment worse.

“Please say something Josh.”  She heard JC move through the room but kept her head bowed.  The tops of his Converse sneakers came into view in front of her bare feet but she was still only met with silence.  Her humiliation became too much and she moved to put distance between them again but he reached out to stop her.  His motion to pull her back caused her head to raise up, a small yelp escaped her lips as his mouth covered hers.

The last thing Charlie expected was JC to kiss her.  Why had he disappeared so abruptly, with no word, only to show back up as though nothing happened.  His lips were cold as though he had spent quite a bit of time outside.  His thumbs brushed the tears from her cheeks as he changed the pressure and angle of the kiss.  She pulled back when the lack of oxygen became too much.

Putting a few feet of distance between them, Charlie brushed the remaining tears from her cheeks, trying to read JC’s face.  Their labored breathing the only sound between them for several moments.

“Are you sure?”  JC moved closer once again, his hand lifting Charlie’s chin to meet his eyes.  “Are you sure, Charlie?”

“Josh, I didn’t mean--”

“I don’t want you to apologize to me.  I’m not mad you sang my song.”  He moved away to pace the small area in front of the couch.  His hands raked through his hair and down his face in frustration.  “You have to be sure you’re prepared to take a chance with this.  You’ve been hurt badly in the past but so have I.  Before either of our hearts get anymore involved in this, you have to tell me you trust me and you’re going to be honest with me.  I want us but not if there’s doubt.  Hearing you sing those songs, those words, I won't compromise.”

JC plopped down on the couch, his palms pressed to his forehead.  Charlie’s doubt in herself was raising doubt in him.  Her heart was breaking watching him question their relationship.  She pulled his hands away from his face, he looked up to meet her eyes.  She slid into his lap, her legs straddling his waist.  She small hands gently cupped his jaw.  She ran her thumb over his lips, staring at them for several seconds before speaking.

“I want this, Josh.  I want us, I want you.  I want you to be my what if.  I am willing to take the leap and trust you.  You’ve shown me you want this and I want to do the same for you.  All of the pain of my past will be hard to rehash but I’ll get there.”  Charlie smoothed down JC’s hair as she spoke softly.  His hands fisted the cottony material of her skirt bunched at her thighs.  She placed kisses on his forehead, nose, and mouth before pulling him close in a tight embrace.       

For several minutes, they sat there holding each other.  JC’s forehead was pressed against the crook of Charlie’s neck as his hands skimmed up and down her spine.  Her fingers twirled the hair at the nape of his neck.  Their wordless embrace healed a small part of each of them.  

Charlie dipped her head to lick the exposed skin just above the collar of JC’s sweater.  Her teeth joined in, gently grazing before kissing.  She repeated the process, moving back up to his mouth.  When her lips captured his, she started a slow swivel of her hips against his causing his fingers to press into the fleshy roundness of her ass due to the added pressure.  His head was swimming with so many emotions.  He wanted her.  All of her.  She pulled up on his sweater wanting to feel more skin.

“Charlie, we don’t--”  Charlie quieted JC with her mouth, the grind of her hips speeding up.  She didn’t want him to second guess this.  Another rejection might shatter her heart completely.

“I want to be with you.  I want to show you.  It's gonna happen so just enjoy the moment.”  Her thumbs caressed under his eyes, silently willing him.  That was all the permission JC needed to allow his hands to explore further.  His thumbs massaged her inner thighs as he pushed Charlie’s skirt up to her waist.  His fingers hooked into the hem of her panties, a thumb teased her most sensitive spot.  With closed eyes, her head fell back, enjoying the euphoric feeling of his hands on her body.  She licked her lips, never wanting this feeling to end.  She blanked her mind of all thought except for what was happening between them at that moment.

Leaning back slightly, Charlie swiftly discarded her blouse and tank top, leaving only her simple black bra covering the top half of her body.  She struggled to pull up JC’s sweater.  He removed his hands from her long enough to oblige her actions and his sweater and undershirt quickly added to the collection building on the couch next to them.  Their lips joined again in a heated kiss.

JC moved his hands across Charlie’s spine again, setting small fires under her skin at the contact.  He made quick work of the hooks of her bra, allowing it to fall between them.  The light dusting of his chest hair rubbing up against her already sensitive nipples produced small moans.  When his mouth attached to one of the hard buds, even louder moans sounded.  He alternated between biting and soothing his tongue across her breasts.  Feeling the shudder of her body as his teeth pulled gently on her nipples sent a rush straight to his groin.

“Take me to bed, Josh.”  Charlie’s ragged breaths came out in short puffs.  Her body felt electric.  She slid off JC’s lap, the material of her skirt returning to its long draped state when she stood up.  She held her hand out for him which he gladly took.  He pressed his chest firmly against her back as they stumbled towards the bedroom, his mouth attaching to her neck, his hands continuing to explore her torso.  His erection was pressed firmly against her as it strained through the material of his jeans.  A small giggle escaped her lips as he kicked the bedroom door shut.

Charlie pushed JC up against the door, reciprocating his earlier actions by gently biting and sucking his nipples.  She wanted to make him feel as good as he was making her.  His head banged against the door as his hands tangled in her long brown hair.  With nimble fingers, she undid his belt buckle and the fly of his jeans.  Their eyes locked on one another when her hand slid into his boxer briefs.  He felt his breath catch in his throat in anticipation.  His grip on her hair tightened.

At the contact of Charlie’s fingers curling around his thick erection, a groan from deep within JC’s chest rumbled.  She started her pumps slowly, her thumb stroking the head.  His hips moved in time with the long strokes of her hand.  It had been nearly six months since a woman had touched him this way.  All of his pent up sexual energy was spilling over.

“Does that feel good, baby?”  JC’s forehead pressed against Charlie’s as he relished in the pleasure her hand was giving him.  He peered down between their bodies to watch her touching him.   When his mind wandered to what the feeling of being inside of her would be like, he had to stop the motion of her hand.

“Wait, wait, wait, not yet.  I want to be inside you when I come.”  A new wave of excitement crashed over Charlie’s body at his words, gasping at the thought.  She pulled JC towards the bed, pushing him to sit on the soft comforter, placing a sweet kiss on his lips.  She opened the nightstand next to her and found a few condoms which she dropped by the alarm clock.

Stepping back a couple feet to remove the remainder of her clothing, Charlie hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her skirt and panties, shimmying them down her legs.  JC kicked off his shoes and socks, his eyes staying glued to her the entire time.  His tongue dragged across his bottom lip.  He took in the feminine curve of her hips as she righted herself from shedding her clothes.  He added his pants and boxer briefs to the pile of her clothes on the floor.

The only light in the room was provided by a floor lamp in the corner.  JC caught sight of the tattoo on Charlie’s ribcage, under her right arm, that he had seen a glimpse of on their Seattle trip.  Pulling her close again, he ran his fingers over the skin art.  In a flourished calligraphy, the quote ‘Dreams come true, not free’ spread over a small area.  Under that, the letters ‘LOP’ and the date ‘12/2/10’ was also tattooed on her skin.  He himself was too fearful of needles but could appreciate good artwork.

Charlie watched in wonderment as JC placed sweet kisses along her tattooed skin, admiring the small piece art.  Gently grabbing both of her wrists, he alternated placing butterfly kisses along the faded scars on her forearms.  He wished he could make them all go away and that she never had to experience the pain that drove her to mar her beautiful skin.  Each touch of his lips sent a shock of pleasure shooting through her body.

In one swift motion, he scooped her up and laid her head against the pillows, pressed together skin to skin from head to toe.  His hand slid back between her legs, slipping one, then two fingers in.  He felt her nails bite into his shoulders as she gasped and moaned in ecstasy.  He started in slow circular motions around her clit, getting her ready to slide his fingers lower.  She hissed and bit down on his shoulder.

“Oh, God.  I’m-- YES!  Josh, I want you.  I need you.”  Charlie’s voice was nearly hoarse from her heavy panting.  JC’s wet lips against her neck only added to her intense pleasure.  His thumb took over on her clit so his fingers could bury deep into her folds.  A small fire lit in her lower abdomen, rapidly growing bigger with the changing speed of his fingers.  Her hips bucked off the bed in time with his rhythm.

“I’m gonna make you feel good all night long, baby.”  His huskily spoken words were all it took to send her over the edge.  Her hands flew to the headboard and gripped the wood so tightly, her knuckles turned white.  Her back arched and her gasping moans were muffled by his mouth.  His hand didn’t slow its feverish pace until he was sure she rode out her entire high.

“Holy mother of God, you’re good at that.”  Charlie’s heartbeat and breathing began to slowly come down from her orgasm.  Her entire body vibrated from her release.  She kissed the corners of his mouth, rolling her and JC so she was straddling his waist, his erection pressed between them.  She grabbed one of the condoms from the nightstand, ripping open the foil wrapper.  He watched her scoot back on his legs and take him into her mouth.  Her tongue swirled a few times around the head before completely taking him in.  She kept her eyes on him as her head moved up and down his shaft.  She rolled the condom on when she felt him twitch in her mouth.

Charlie enjoyed the look of shocked pleasure on JC’s face at the mini blow job she gave him.  Scooting back up, she took his erection into her hand, placing him at her entrance.  His hands grabbed ahold of her hips.  Not that he really thought he could stop himself going through with having sex with her at that moment, JC locked eyes with Charlie.  He needed reassurance that there was no doubt or fear.  She just smiled, nodding slightly.

JC guided Charlie’s downward descent until he filled her completely.  Her eyes closed and she bit down on her bottom lip.  Neither of them moved for several moments, enjoying the feeling of their bodies wholly connected.  His hands skidded up her torso and pinched both of her nipples, causing an almost involuntary grind of her hips.  Both of them moaned as she continued the torturous snap of her pelvis against his.  Mouths and hands explored each other as he moved inside her.

JC wanted to make this last as long as possible.  When Charlie’s pace would start become erratic, getting lost in the haze of their sex, his hands would guide her hips in long strokes, prolonging both of their pleasure.  Her breathy moans and sighs almost made him get lost in the moment.  With each thrust, it felt like he was going deeper and deeper.

“Josh.  Baby, fuck you feel so good!”  Charlie fisted her own hair, her head falling back as her hips pressed harder against JC.  Her clit rubbed against his pelvis, sending her into another fit of moans.  “Fuck me, baby.  Fuck me!”  She hadn’t been lying when she said she was vocal in bed.

JC flipped them over, pinning Charlie against the mattress.  The piston like thrusting of his hips ignited the flame in her abdomen again.  The scent of his eucalyptus mint shampoo, his cologne, and the undeniable male smell that is JC assaulted her senses.  She wrapped her legs high around his slim waist, locking her ankles behind his back.  The slight change in angle allowed his thrusts to go deeper, hitting her spot.  A noise between a yelp and a moan escaped her lungs.

“Do you like that, baby?  Do I make you feel good?  Are you gonna come again for me, baby?”  He briefly dipped his head to take her right nipple between his teeth, tugging and licking the small nub back to rock hard.  His hips not relenting their pace.

“Yes!  Please make me come again.  Please, I need it.”  JC was propped up on his elbows, watching Charlie’s face twist and contort in the pleasure they were giving each other.  Hearing her beg nearly sent him over the edge.  His forehead dropped to her shoulder, the motion of his hips speeding up.  It wouldn’t be much longer.

JC peered between their bodies once again, watching himself thrust in and out of Charlie.  Seeing her sheath him repeatedly as their hips slapped together brought him right to the edge.  He lifted his head to meet her eyes.  One of her arms was wrapped around his shoulder while her other arm was pushed against the headboard to give her better leverage.  He hooked an arm under one of her knees, yet again thrusting deeper.

“Open your eyes for me Charlie.  I want you to look into my eyes when you come for me.  Let me see those beautiful eyes, honey.”  Charlie felt almost drunk from her building orgasm.  She didn’t want the pleasure to end but at the same time she wanted to feel her release take over.  Her eyes opened lazily as she tried to focus on JC’s face.  She watched a bead of sweat run down his brow, traveling down his nose.  She was so close.  The burn in her stomach began to spread.  “It’s okay, baby.  You’re safe with me.  Let it go.”

The sweet words that JC whispered set off Charlie’s release.  Her entire body quaked and her walls clamped around him, never breaking their eye contact.  Moans and curse words slipped out of her mouth as pleasure assaulted every fiber of her body.  Wave after wave of her orgasm ebbed and flowed over her.  This feeling, she thought, could never get old.  Both the physical and mental stimulation were like a drug.

“Josh….. baby….. come for me.”  Her saying his name always seemed to do something to him.  A warmth washed over him as his own orgasm racked his body.  Several grunts ripped from his lungs.  After a few final thrusts, JC collapsed on top of Charlie, his weight settling against her.  They laid tangling in a pile of limbs and heavy breaths for several minutes..  “Holy shit.  Why did we wait so long to do that?”  He chuckled in her ear, kissing down her neck and across her shoulder.

“So that it would be as amazing as it just was.”  His tongue pushed past her lips, exploring and battling with her tongue.  His hips began an agonizingly slow thrust after a few minutes of rest.  “And we’re going to repeat it several times tonight.”  She snickered against his mouth.

“Amen to that.”

***

Their final day together before JC was to fly home was spent much the same way they spent the previous night.  Between naps, movies in bed, a shared shower, and food, they spent the day exploring each other’s bodies.  In the nearly thirteen years that Charlie was with her ex-husband, she never recalled sharing with him the level of intimacy that her and JC shared on that day.

Her and Owen had sex regularly; they went at it like horny rabbits at times.  She had loved Owen and loved sex with him.  There was just something different about sex with JC.  The way he touched her.  The way he kissed her.  The way he brushed her hair off her forehead as his body moved above her.  The way he could be slow and sensual as well as rough and animalistic.  He would kiss her gently one minute and smack her ass the next.  She had never been so turned on both physically and mentally by someone the way she was with him.

And now it was Monday.  JC had to leave soon to be on the road back to Portland to catch his flight home.  Charlie busied herself making breakfast and folding the last of his clothes that she insisted on washed so as not to send him home with a suitcase full of dirty clothes.  If she kept herself busy doing something, she wouldn’t have to think.  She wouldn’t have to think about him leaving for God knows how long.  She wouldn’t have to think that she never told him the things that she should have before they slept together.

Charlie had given a little more detail with relation to her marriage and divorce but it was only the tip of the iceberg.  She by no means regretted sleeping with JC but she was cursing herself for not telling him more like she promised herself she would.  She was so deep in thought that she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt his arms slip around her waist as she placed the last article of clothing in his suitcase.

“Let’s just go back to bed.  Forget my flight.”  JC’s hands smoothed up and down Charlie’s stomach as he licked the shell of her ear.  He was freshly showered and his scent was reeking havoc on her senses.  His hot breath cascading down her neck.  She leaned further into him, not wanting him to leave.    

“As much as I want you to stay, we both know it’s not possible.  You have work and the holiday with your family.  We’ll figure something out to see each other again soon.”  JC contemplated for a moment asking Charlie once again to accompany him for Thanksgiving but knew that it was a losing battle.  He wanted to end his trip on happy note.

“You really didn’t have to wash my clothes for me but I do appreciate it.  Thank you.”  Charlie turned in JC’s arms and kissed him nearly breathless.

“You’re welcome.  Now come on, I have just enough time to make you an egg sandwich before you have to leave.”  He chuckled at the cute expression spread across her face.  He watched her shuffle out of the bedroom, towards the kitchen.

“You’re not helping me leave here, woman.  Hey, how about that quickie on the kitchen counter we never got to the other day?”  JC could hear her laughter on the other side of the house.

Breakfast was quickly cleaned up and JC’s bags were loaded into the car.  Charlie stood on the front porch, a robe pulled tightly around her over her pajamas and a pair of warm slippers on her feet.  She did her best to keep a brave face.  She waved to him as he began to pull down the gravel drive.  Just before the car disappeared, he threw the car in park, leaving it to idle.  JC exited the car and jogged back to Charlie.  He damn near knocked her over when he collided with her.  He pressed her body against the house as he attached her lips with his.

“One more for the road.”  He spoke against her mouth without breaking contact.  The brave face that Charlie was trying to maintain was going to crack if JC didn’t leave soon.  There’s no telling how long they stood there, lips attached to each other.  Any sense of time was lost at that moment.

“Go on, go.  You’re going to miss your flight.”  Charlie shoved JC playfully.  

“I’ll text you when I land.”  He held onto her hand, appearing as though he was about to say something else.  When no other words were spoken, he jogged back to the car and disappeared.  It was at that moment that the tight twist of anxiety started in her chest again.

After taking several deep breathes of the cold November air, Charlie re-entered the house.  She stood next to the front door, taking in the eery quietness of her home.  For the first time since living there, she didn’t like the quiet surrounding her.  A slight shiver ran down her spine but not from being cold.  She was alone and it frightened her.

Charlie shuffled into the closet of her bedroom.  Moving aside several boxes, she opened the small safe she had bolted to the floor.  Once she retrieved the small metal object, she proceeded to the opposite end of the house.  Across from her office stood a locked door.  She stared at the plain white door for what seemed like an eternity before finally using the key she procured from the safe.

The bedroom was nearly void of any light.  Dark, heavy curtains covered the windows in the room.  Charlie felt along the wall, searching for the light switch.  Once she found her target, a dim overhead light illuminated the small space.  The walls were plain; no decorations hung.  One wall of the room was stacked with boxes, containing bits and pieces of her former life.

Charlie stood in the middle of the cramped room, her back to the boxes lining the wall, her eyes fixed on a single framed photo resting atop a dresser.  Next to the dresser was a crib which matched the dresser, a changing table, and a rocking chair.  She fiddled with the mobile suspended over the crib before picking up the photo.

Charlie sat in the rocking chair, staring longingly at the baby in the picture.  Tears she didn’t want to shed quietly slid down her cheeks, burning a hot trail across her lips.  Her fingers ran over the sweet child’s face.

“I miss you, my darling boy.”

“We hope you enjoyed your flight, sir.”  The perky bottled-blonde flight attendant smiled enthusiastically at JC, who had been engrossed in his cell phone as he followed the line of passengers deplaning.  He gave her a slight nod and a tight smile before exiting.  The woman had annoyed him the entire flight, being overly attentive to him.  At one point, she was nearly sitting in his lap.  He tried to fake sleeping to get her to back off.

JC immediately caught the smell of the LA smog as he walked down the skywalk into the terminal.  He slipped on his sunglasses and pulled his hat down lower as he blended into the rush of travelers scurrying around.  He didn’t have the issues he used to when he traveled of getting mobbed but LAX was the most paparazzi saturated airport in the world and he wasn’t in the mood to draw any attention to himself.  He'd been hounded there many times in the past by them coming and going.

This unfortunately was a short trip home.  He would be home for two days only to have to turn around and fly back to Mexico City for another week before coming home for his friend Lance’s wedding.  Then it was on to Florida for Christmas and back to Mexico City to finish filming.  He was glad to be working but the last week and a half following Thanksgiving had been exhausting and it didn’t appear to be letting up any time soon.

Since his last trip to Oregon, JC hadn’t talked to Charlie as much as he had hoped.  The whirlwind of work and family left him with very little time to call her.  A few times he had called, she didn’t answer.  Other times, she seemed kind of distant and the calls were short.  He had a nagging feeling that them sleeping together might have been too soon.  He enjoyed it immensely and didn’t regret it one bit but felt they should waited just a little longer.

While with his parents and siblings for Thanksgiving, JC managed to pull his dad to the side to have a father/son conversation.  He needed some advice about Charlie.  He filled his dad in on how he came to meet her and their relationship so far.  Roy Chasez could see that his son was smitten.  He had met many of his JC’s girlfriends over the years but he saw something different in his eyes when he spoke of Charlie.

Roy told his oldest son to follow his heart.  His head would point him in the right direction and his heart would guide the way.  He was shocked when JC mentioned he hoped to bring her home for Christmas.  He knew JC held a sacred place for holidays.  If he was willing to bring Charlie to meet them on a holiday, Roy knew JC was in this for the long haul.  He was happy to see his son excited about a woman again.  He couldn’t wait to meet the woman that put a spark in the younger man’s eyes.  

JC was in the midst of sending a text to his manager that he had landed when he was bumped in the shoulder by another traveler walking in the opposite direction.  His carry on slid down his arm, nearly hitting the floor.  The person threw a robotic apology as they kept walking.  JC froze when he caught the scent of Charlie’s perfume.  He looked around quickly, seeing the back of the person who had just bumped into him.  They had a hoodie pull over their head.

JC shook off the thought that Charlie was there and went back to his text message.  There were probably thousands of women who wore the same perfume.  Luckily, JC didn’t have to wait for any additional luggage since he was only home for a few days so he packed light.  He got an almost immediate response from his manager that he was unable to pick him up from the airport but that he sent a car for him instead.

“Well that fucking figures.”  JC scanned the large gathering of limo drivers and found one holding a sign with the name Scott Tyler scrawled across it.  This was typically the name he used, a combination of his middle name and his brother’s first name, so as not to draw attention.  He followed the driver towards the awaiting vehicle.  He kept a watchful eye out for photographers that may be lurking.

The hooded traveler that JC collided with earlier fell in-step with him, their hoodie covered head down as they walked.  He took in the person's black Converse sneakers that looked much like his own; their long jean clad shapely legs.  He still couldn’t see the face but once again got a whiff of Charlie’s perfume.

“I think Scott Tyler owes me an autograph for nearly dislocating my shoulder.”  JC almost tripped over his own feet hearing Charlie’s voice.  He stopped, watching her and the limo driver continue the trek to the car.  The driver held the door open for her, winking at her as she entered the vehicle.

JC was frozen in place, still several long strides from the limo.  The driver gestured for him to enter.  Charlie poked her head out, lifting her sunglasses so JC could get a full view of her face.  She had a sly smile on her lips.

“Come on, handsome.  You're gonna start catching flies, aka paparazzi, if you don't get a move on.”  Charlie nodded her head, gesturing behind JC to the vulture pack of photographers looking for celebrity photo ops.  She disappeared back into the car, JC following behind her quickly.

They both settled into the backseat of the limo, the driver pulling into airport traffic.  JC and Charlie sat in silence.  He stared at her stunned that she was really there.  She pushed the hood from her head and removed her sunglasses since the dark tint of the windows shielded most of the late morning sunlight.  He followed suit.

“Are you gonna say something or just stare at me like I killed your dog?”  Charlie twisted in the seat so she was fully facing JC.  He reached the small distance between them, pulling her into his lap.  His face buried into her neck as they embraced tightly.  She was a bit taken aback by the gesture at first.  The hug was comforting.  “Hey, the killing your dog quip was meant to make you laugh.”

“I can't believe you're here.  I'm shocked to say the least.”  Charlie couldn’t read if JC was happy to see her or disappointed.

“I can have the driver turn around and I can catch a flight home.”  He quickly silenced her with a kiss.  He absolutely didn't want her to leave.

“I'm beyond happy you're here.  Just surprised.”  Charlie’s expression softened as she cradled JC’s face, her thumbs tracing his cheeks.

“Mission accomplished.  It was about time you got a taste of your own medicine for a change.  Your manager was a helpful accomplice.”  She gave his cheeks a playful pinch.

“Eric was in on this?”  The surprises just kept coming for JC.  “But how did you get his number?”

“He actually called me to my surprise.  You must have called him from my home phone at some point.  Unless you gave him my number.”  JC had given her number to his manager as an additional way to reach him in the event he couldn’t be reached by cell in an emergency.

“That would be my fault.”  His head fell back against the leather headrest.  He never expected Eric to use her number if he wasn’t in Oregon with her.

“Josh, I'm not mad.  It was just unexpected.  He said you’ve been kind of mopey lately and offered to fly me out since you were gonna be home a few days.”  JC cocked an eyebrow at Charlie.

“So, you’ll let him buy you a plane ticket but not me?”

“I never said I allowed him to pay for the ticket.  I just recruited him to let me surprise you.”

“You should have just let him pay for it.  He would have billed it back to me anyway.”

“Precisely why I didn’t let him.  I really am okay to pay for my own way.  It’s not a burden.  Don’t ever feel the need to pay for anything for me.”  She was really throwing him for a loop on this one.  Women typically expected him to pay.  

“It’s not that I feel a need to.  I want to.  When I ask you to come see me somewhere, I expect to pay for it.  It’s my invitation so I pay.”  Charlie moved to sit back in the leather seat but JC refused to release his arms from her waist.

“If we’re gonna fight about money already, it’s going to be a losing battle.”  She crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to look at him.

“Look, Charlie.  I get you may have gotten some type of settlement in your divorce but I don’t want you dwindling that money away on me.  That’s for you.  I’ll try to be more mindful of your feelings on this but don’t rob me of doing nice things for my girlfriend occasionally.”  Charlie knew she was being petulant at the moment.  If he only knew what kind of settlement she got in her divorce.  The number of zeros still took her breath away.  MLB’s All-Star, Gold Glove, Rookie of the Year, World Series MVP, Power Slugging Golden Child thought all of those zeros would minimize her blow.  No amount of money from that prick could soothe the pain he caused her.

“I don’t want to rob you of doing nice things but I don’t want to be labeled some kind of gold digger.”  She already had the luxury of that experience with her ex-husband.

“Don’t let the possibility of media attention get in the way.  I really give zero fucks what they think as long as you and I know what’s going on between us.  I don’t pay attention to what they have to say and neither should you.”  Charlie tried that strategy with Owen but she still let it get to her.  She raised her shame filled eyes to gaze into JC’s.  He tried giving her an encouraging smile.

“Tell me about Mexico City and filming.  I want to hear all about it.”  He didn’t really like the change in subject.

“Just know this conversation is not over.  We’re just putting it on hold.”  Unfortunately, she was well aware of that fact but he went into stories about his time down in Mexico which she appreciated for the time being.

During their time apart, Charlie used the time to evaluate herself and her relationship with JC.  The two of them sleeping together had been too soon.  She knew that and she got the feeling he knew it as well.  She was sensing it in that very moment with him in the car on the way to his house.  His touches were hesitant, like he was being extra mindful of how he placed his hands on her which he hadn’t been in a while.

There had been times that she would avoid JC’s calls because it tore her up too much to bear facing him when she hadn’t been completely open.  Facing her problems hadn’t always been a strong suit for Charlie.  She relocated over fourteen hundred miles to escape her problems, appearing as though she dropped off the face of the earth, all to avoid dealing with conflict.

In the two weeks they were parted, choices were made and arrangements were finalized.  Charlie was going to tell JC, no, she was going show JC who she really was.  They may not come out the other side together but it was what she needed to do for not only his sake but her own.  The ball wasn’t set to roll until the first week of the new year.  She refused to ruin his holiday.  She knew the feeling too well.

Perhaps just telling him everything now rather than later would be better but selfishly, she wanted a couple more weeks of happiness in case it all went away which it likely would.  It was going to make it harder but she was a sucker for his smile.  It would wait.

The remainder of the car ride back to JC’s house was pretty benign, him doing most of the talking about the movie.  Charlie liked seeing him so enthusiastic about the project.  The way his eyes lit up and the small crinkles at the corners of them as he spoke was the best part.  She tried to commit all of his happy facial expressions to memory.

The limo wound its way up the narrow switchbacks of the Hollywood Hills and pulled into the small gated driveway of JC’s home.  Charlie high fived the limo driver, slipping him a nice tip as they exited the car.  JC chuckled at her goofy antics of getting a kick out of surprising him.  He would need to be sure to thank Eric for calling her.

The limo pulled out of the drive and JC opened the garage door to enter the house.  Charlie followed closely behind him.  She took in his ever familiar SUV that he had treked up to Oregon in a handful of times.  She also caught a glimpse of what appeared to be some type of German made roadster.  Entering through the laundry room, the space opened up into a beautiful gourmet kitchen.  The dark colored floors provided a nice contrast to the white cabinetry.  The swirls of dark grey in the white granite complimented the stainless steel appliances.  A large island was the focal point of the room.  The scent of lemon cleanser lingered in the air.

JC leaned his hip against one of the long kitchen counters and watched as Charlie moved through the kitchen into the living room.  She looked up at the beam covered high ceilings in awe.  She saw a second story catwalk run from one side of the room to the other, she assumed where the bedrooms laid upstairs.  The large living room was decorated in dark tones and wood finishes with pops of white and red throughout.  It screamed masculinity but also comforting and welcoming at the same time.  What she loved the most about the room was the view of the city from the large picture windows that occupied an entire wall.  The unique angles of the wall gave different views from varying perspectives.  She couldn’t wait to see the view at night.

JC draped his arm over Charlie’s shoulder from where she was standing, looking out at the city.  She circled his waist, hugging him close.  She inhaled his scent, also committing it to her memory.

“I missed you something fierce.”  She kissed along his jaw and neck.

“I missed you too and I'll be sure to give my manager a raise for getting you to come out here.”  JC allowed Charlie’s hands to explore under his polo shirt but stopped her short when she went for his belt.  She didn’t put up too much of a fight to his hesitation.  The pained smile on her face told him she was embarrassed.

“So is this thing tuned?”  She moved out of his embrace, over to the grand piano that was a few feet from them.  She teased him the way he had about her piano.  He smiled amused at her quip.

“Of course.”  JC watched Charlie sit on the bench and run her fingers lightly over the shiny finish.  “It used to belong to Billy Joel.”  Her eyes widened in admiration.

“May I?”  He nodded.  She gently lifted the fallboard to reveal the pristine ivory keys.  She repeated running her fingers.  JC stood behind her as she began playing.  He recognized it to be the melody she had created herself.  She played it for him the first time they sat at the piano together at her house.  He had heard her play with the melody numerous times since meeting her.

“Any words yet?”  He kneaded her shoulders, her head falling forward at the manipulation of his hands.  It took her several moment to find her words due to the painful pleasure of the massage.

“No.”  Her voice was a whisper.  They stayed this way for several minutes; Charlie playing and JC’s hands worked out the knots in her shoulders and upper back.

“Come on.  I wanna show you something.  It’s my favorite room in the house.”  He grabbed her hand and pulled her to follow him.

“Trying to get me in your bedroom already, playboy?”  JC’s laugh echoed through the house as he guided her down a hallway under the staircase.  After descending a half flight of stairs, they entered his music studio.  Again, she was in awe of the room.  They were surrounded by instruments, monitors, and a massive sound mixing board with knobs and levers that seemed to never end.

Charlie knew not to touch anything.  She just slowly perused through the space, looking over everything.  JC flipped a few switches and the whole room lit up, coming to life.  The equipment hummed, waiting for its owner to direct its actions.  She saw a calmness wash over him being in this space.  This was his safe zone.  His happy place.  She hadn’t had that in years.  She was slightly envious.

“Josh, all of this is amazing.  You must come in here and get lost for hours writing and creating.  I bet this place is your haven.”  She hit the nail on the head and he was elated that she recognized this to be his refuge.

“Yeah, it is.”  JC fiddled with a few knobs as Charlie continued her browsing of the small studio.  She peered in the closet-like recording booth.  “You wanna go in?”  Her eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Uh, sure.”  He guided her into the booth.  An large oriental rug covered a majority of the floor.  A shiny microphone hung suspending in the middle of the room, over a comfortable looking stool.  In front of the stool stood an expensive looking electric piano and sheet music stand with a pair of headphone draped over the top.

“Have you ever recorded and listened to yourself sing before?”  Charlie shook her head vigorously.  “You should.  It’s a total rush.”

“I told you, what I do is glorified karaoke.  I’m not a real--”  Her words stalled in her throat under JC’s intense gaze.  He didn’t look amused when she tried to downplay herself as a singer.  “Seriously Josh, I’m not a singer.  I sing other people’s songs in a place that smells of stale beer in a no name town.  Not exactly Music City.”

“You never know until you try.”  JC played with a few settings on the piano before positioning Charlie on the stool and placed the headphones over her ears.  She watched him move out of the booth and stand behind the massive sound board.  “When you’re ready, just start singing.”  She jumped at the sound of his voice in the headphones.

Charlie shifted nervously.  She didn’t know if she could handling hearing herself sing.  The patrons of the bar always complimented her but she chalked it up overconsumption of alcohol.  She was an accountant, a business person.  The singing was a fluke.  She wasn’t one for wanting a lot of attention brought upon her.  She should just walk out of the booth before she made a fool of herself.

JC stared at Charlie through the glass window separating the recording booth from his station behind the boards.  He could see how nervous she was.  She looked terrified like the mic was going to bite her.  She shifted the headphones over her ears, looking around at anything but him.  For a moment he thought she might puke all over his equipments.

Charlie took several deep breaths, attempting to calm her racing heart.  Her mouth was drying out and she knew she wouldn’t get any decent notes to come out.  Suddenly, a bottle of water was placed in her hand.  Her eyes shot up to meet JC’s.  He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds to provide her comfort.  His thumb grazed her cheek before returning to his seat outside the booth.

Taking a few sips of the water and changing a the settings on the piano, Charlie placed the bottle on the floor near her feet.  She positioned her fingers over the keys.  JC hit the record button and waited to see what she was going to sing.  Upon hearing the opening of the song, he became worried.  She chose a Whitney Houston song.  He feared her voice might not be strong enough yet for a power ballad from the likes of Whitney.  He held his breath as she opened her mouth.

I know that when you look at me

There's so much that you just don't see

But if you would only take the time

I know in my heart you'd find

A girl who's scared sometimes

Who isn't always strong

Can't you see the hurt in me?

I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you (oooh)

I wanna run to you (oooh)

Won't you hold me in your arms

And keep me safe from harm

I want to run to you (oooh)

But if I come to you (oooh)

Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role

Of someone always in control

But at night I come home and turn the key

There's nobody there, no one cares for me

What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams

Without someone to share it with

Tell me what does it mean?

Charlie put JC’s fears to rest.  She didn’t try to belt the song out as though she was imitating Whitney but she did the song justice.  There was a definite power in her voice that he hadn’t heard from her in other songs she sang.  She changed the tone of the song to fit her own voice perfectly.  He caught the message she was trying to send him loud and clear.  She chose that song to tell him she was ready to share her past with him soon.

JC motioned for Charlie to come out of the booth which she did swiftly.  She timidly sat in the office chair beside him.  She had been brazen in her choice of song, trying to send him a message.  She really just needed to learn how to open her damn mouth and tell him the truth.  She was playing with the hem of her t-shirt when she felt her chair being pulled.  Her eyes laid on his hand on the arm of the chair.  She watch his other hand reach out of grasp her neck.  He captured her bottom lip between his own, pulling her close.  His touch was no longer hesitant.  His confidence in touching her returned.

“I hear you, Charlie.”  JC’s forehead pressed against hers, the two of them silently comforting each other simply with their closeness.  Charlie traced her hands up his arms and rested them on his jaw, her eyes closed as she tugged on one of his earlobes.

“Thank you.”  Her whispered breath fanned over his lips.  “Thank you, Josh.”

***

The nightmares were back.

After the night that changed Charlie’s life, she began having horrible nightmares that caused her to relive that day repeatedly.  The events would replay in her dreams like a movie set on repeat.  Each time, she would wake up screaming, sweating profusely.  The sheets would be soaked.  She’d end up on the bathroom floor, puking her guts out into the toilet until she passed out from exhaustion.  

Owen would pick her up off the bathroom floor, put her back in bed only to have the cycle repeat itself a short time later.  It got to the point where he would just throw a blanket over her, allowing her to sleep on the bathroom floor.  After a few months, he moved into one of their guest rooms.  The time she needed him the most, he put distance between them.  Soon after, he began his emotional affair with one of Charlie’s friends.

It was on one of those nights that Charlie discovered that cutting herself would provide her with temporary relief from the pain she was feeling inside.  Owen had left a razor blade from his shaving kit out on the bathroom counter.  She initially had the intention of just ending her life so the pain would end.  

Standing at the bathroom sink, she made the first small cut on her forearm.  A euphoric calm came over her in that moment.  Charlie watched entranced at the blood running down her arm and felt no pain for the first time in months.  It was then she discovered she could go on living without having to feel the pain of loss inside her every minute of every day.  

Over time, the nightmares subsided and only happened occasionally.  Unfortunately, Charlie used cutting to deal with all her anxiety.  JC was the one and only person that knew what she had been doing to herself.  He was nearly a stranger at the time but he hadn’t run away when he found out.  That gave her a small sliver of hope that he wouldn’t run when she finally told him everything.

On the last night of Charlie’s short surprise trip to visit JC, she had one of her nightmares.  He had woken up when she started thrashing around in bed next to him.  He tried rubbing her back to calm her down.  When she began screaming her sister’s name, he became worried.  He could feel that she had sweated through the sheets and blankets.

JC shook Charlie until she finally snapped out of her dream.  She pushed hard on his chest to get him off of her.  She stumbled out of bed and curled herself into a tight ball in the corner as she sobbed.  He had never seen this much emotion out of her before and he wasn’t sure how to comfort her.

He listened to her babble incoherently, catching occasional words such as ‘gone’, ‘dead’, ‘accident’, and ‘scared’.  He sat on the floor with her, slowly creeping closer as she rocked back and forth.  When his hand finally touched her forehead to move her hair from her eyes, she seemed to snap out of the trance she had herself in.  She almost knocked him over when she dove into his arm.

The two of them sat wrapped around each other on the floor for nearly an hour.  No words were spoken but Charlie felt safe in JC’s arm.  He just held her, stroking her back, giving her whatever comfort she needed.  Her cries finally subsided to periodic hiccups.  He felt her body go lax when she finally passed out from exhaustion.  He carefully scooped her up and placed her back in bed.  Pulling her close as they settled back under the blankets, he would hum to her when she would stir, lulling her back to sleep.

Their final morning together, they ended up sleeping in later than planned.  By the time they were both packed for their flights, they only had enough time to grab brunch before heading to the airport.  The car ride to the cafe was quiet.  Charlie seemed like her normal self.  She hadn’t said much all morning but she acted as though her overnight meltdown hasn’t occurred.  It bothered JC that she seemed to be avoiding it.

They were sat at a small table in the corner.  After the waitress took their drink and food orders, JC decided to broach the subject of Charlie’s nightmare.  He reached across the table, taking her hands in his.  She pulled her eyes away from the window she had been staring out of.  He kissed the inside of both of her wrists.  She smiled contently at the sweet gesture.

“Are you feeling okay?  You gave me kind of a scare last night.”  Charlie knew it was only a matter of time before JC was going to bring up her nightmare.  She hoped to make it through the next few weeks without incident but likely due to the fact that she was planning to tell him everything, it stirred up all the old demons early.

“I’m okay.  I apologize that I scared you with my freak out.  It’s an old nightmare that I haven’t had in awhile.  I guess the sudden appearance of it reared it’s ugly head hard last night.”

“You were screaming your sister’s name repeatedly.  You wanna tell me about it?”  He stoked his thumbs across the backs of her hands, hoping it would provide her with a sense of ease to open up to him.  She took a drink of her ice water before deciding to say anything.

“My sister and I were in a pretty bad car accident a few years ago.  We got t-boned in the middle of an intersection.  The car rolled several times.  Ellie’s leg got pinned under the vehicle.  Luckily, the doctors managed to save it.  Since then, I’ve had this perpetual dream that she dies rather than just breaking her leg.  I don’t have the dream as often as I used to.  It’s been probably a good six months since the last one.”  There were other important details relating to the accident that also contributed to the horrible nightmares that Charlie was leaving out.  She wasn’t ready to divulge that information yet.  “I know it’s stupid since we came through it okay but the nightmares still happen occasionally.  I’m fine though.  I promise.  I’m sorry I frightened you.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.  I just need to know that you are going to be okay.”  Charlie stood from her chair and leaned over the table, kissing JC with the hope he would accept it as a sign she was good.

“I’m going to be fine.”  She retook her seat, lacing her fingers through his.  He would accept it for the time being.  

“So what are your thoughts on my offer for Christmas?  It’s only a couple weeks away.  My family would love to meet you.”  Charlie was a bit shocked by JC’s admission.

“You’ve told your family about me?”

“Of course.  You’re important to me and I talk to them about the important things in my life.”  A blush warmed her cheeks which he liked seeing.  It made him feel good.  “I want you to go.  I want you to meet my family.  I want to spend Christmas with you.”

Charlie had almost forgotten what new love felt like.  Yes, she was falling in love which weighed heavy on her since her whole world may fall apart again soon.  He wanted to introduce her to his parents and his siblings.  She was pretty sure that the look she was seeing in his eyes was also the beginning of blooming love but neither of them had actually said the words out loud.

“Yes.”

“Yes?  Yes, you’ll go to Florida with me for Christmas, yes?”  The giddy smile that Charlie loved so much was plastered across JC’s face.

“Yes, I’ll go to Florida with you.”  Before Charlie even finished her sentence, JC was out of his chair and pulling her from hers.  When she felt her feet leave the floor and the room began to spin, she let a hearty giggle.  He pressed his lips to hers, not caring that the other patrons of the cafe were now gawking at them like they were crazy.

“Josh, we have an audience.”  The both of them looked around at the other customers staring at them.  They sat back down and their food was brought to them a short time later.  They ate quietly for a few minutes, enjoying what little time they had left with each other.  “I know you head back to Mexico after the holiday but I was wondering if you maybe had a few days after the New Year to go somewhere with me.”

“I don’t see why not.  I’ll need to verify with Eric that I don’t have anything lined up.  I’m set to fly back to the States on the 1st.  Where are we going?”  JC curiosity was peaked to say the least.  Charlie asking him to go somewhere with her was not common.  He could see a nervous expression cross her features.

“Home.”  He waited for her to add more but she didn’t.

“Home as in Oregon?”  Her eyes dropped down to her plate.  The all familiar tightness in her chest began pulling.

“Home as in Arizona.  Phoenix.”  JC’s fork froze mid bite.  Charlie had never said specifically where home was other than Oregon.  He thought maybe somewhere in Iowa was where she was from as he had seen her quite a few times wearing t-shirts and sweaters with the University of Iowa logo.  He slowly chewed the bite in his mouth, giving him a moment to think over her request.

“Of course.  I’ll have Eric clear my schedule if I have anything.”

“No, I don’t want you to rearrange anything for this trip.  If you have other things lined up, Phoenix can wait.”  JC could tell from the look on Charlie’s face that it took a lot for her to ask him to go home with her.  

“It’s no burden.  As I said, you’re important to me and I want to go home with you.  You just tell me when and I’m there.”

Charlie couldn’t back out now.  Her moment of truth was coming.

“You can do this.  You are gonna make it through this.”

This was the mantra Charlie repeated quietly to herself when the flight crew announced their descent into LA.  Her eyes were closed, her hands clasped together between her thighs, her breaths drawn in and out of her lungs in a calculated manner, attempting to keep her wits about her.   

Charlie had already agreed to accompany JC to Florida for Christmas.  He had also tried to talk her into going with him to his friend Lance’s wedding.  She was able to talk her way out of that one.  There was too big a risk of coming in contact with someone from her past.  She knew one of Lance’s closest friends was married to a baseball player that played ball with her ex-husband.  She didn’t want her entire past coming out through the mouths of other.  Instead, she was flying into LA the day after the wedding.  They would spend a couple days there before heading to Florida.

Charlie and JC’s plans to meet in Phoenix had been finalized.  He was scheduled to fly into Phoenix the beginning of January.  She was being elusive with the details of the trip and what they would be doing but JC chose to trust Charlie.  She promised him that he would be back home in LA within a few days.  Once she revealed everything to him, he’d likely hightail it to the airport as quickly as possible.  At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

JC had questioned Charlie about her ability to be able to take so much time off work.  He became concerned that she may fall into a financial hardship.  She managed to talk him down and convince him she would be fine.  She had worked almost nonstop for three years.  She was owed a long vacation.  He accepted the explanation.

The truth was, Charlie had resigned from both the bar and hotel.  After JC’s last visit to Oregon, she needed a ‘come to Jesus’ and to reassess her life.  This required the need to be away from Cannon Beach for an extended period of time.

“Are you going to be okay?  Do you need the barf bag or someone to hold your hand while we land?”  Charlie’s eyes raised to the passenger seated next to her when his smooth voice sounded.  He was a handsome man.  He appeared to be a few years older than her, dressed in a business suit.  He offered her a warm smile.  His perfectly straight teeth were blindingly white.  His wavy brown hair was styled neatly and his light brown eyes smiled in the same manner as his mouth.

“Oh, yeah.  I’m good.  I’m not afraid of flying.  It’s what’s waiting for me once I land that has me nervous.  Just trying to psych myself up.  Talk myself off the ledge so to speak.”

“Is your trip business or pleasure?”  The man was leaned back casually in his seat, his hands crossed over his stomach.

“Pleasure.  Attending Christmas with my boyfriend and his family.”  This was the first time Charlie had verbalized referring to JC as her boyfriend.  She liked the sound of it but it sounded weird at the same time.  She hadn’t had a boyfriend since she was a teenager.  “What about you?”

“Oh, I’m flying back from a business trip.  I’ve been away for three weeks.  Wife’s been driving me crazy to get home in time for the holiday.  She doesn’t know I’m coming home a few days early.”

“That will be a nice surprise for her.”  Charlie glanced out the window next to her to see the LA landscaping getting closer as they were moments from touching down.  Her stomach was in her throat.

“First time meeting the boyfriend’s parents?”  Charlie turned back to her handsome travel companion.  She chuckled wryly.

“Is it that obvious?  I haven’t had the experience of meeting the parents in a long time.”  When the plane bounced on the tarmac, Charlie’s heart skipped a beat.

“You’ll be fine.  Holiday cheer and all that shit makes meeting the parents easier.”  Charlie let out a full laugh this time as they stood to exit the plane.  They were in the second row and were able to make a quick escape.  She didn’t believe his words but appreciated the stranger’s attempt to calm her fears.  “Success!  I got you to laugh.  Good luck to you.  You’ll knock ‘em dead.”  With that, the handsome stranger was gone.

Charlie blended into the mass of fellow travelers.  She powered on her cell phone to see if JC had made it to the airport to pick her up.  Since this trip would have her away from home for six days, she had to wait at baggage claim for her checked bag to arrive.  She typed a quick message to JC and milled around the bustling carousel, hoping her luggage would come out soon.

Pushing her way through a small gathering of people, Charlie managed to wrangle her large suitcase off the moving carousel when she spotted the colorful ribbon she had tied around the handle.  She secured her overstuffed carry on atop the suitcase and lumbered out to the curb.  To her dismay, JC had not responded to her text message.

Charlie seriously doubted that he had forgotten her.  Perhaps he got tied up in work but why hadn’t he sent her a message letting her know she needed to find a ride to his place.  She maneuvered her luggage to an out of the way spot to call JC.  Just before hitting the send button to dial his number, she heard a loud whistle and her name being yelled.  Her head popped up to see an unfamiliar SUV, the passenger window rolled down, with a smiling Joey Fatone in the driver seat.

Joey idled the vehicle at the curb and jumped out.  Charlie looked around at the photographers that mixed in with the travelers.  Other than the baseball cap on his head, Joey made no attempt to conceal his identity.  He smiled broadly as he approached her, hugging her briefly.

“How’s it going beautiful?  Flight okay?”  Joey took ahold of Charlie’s bags and wheeled them to the vehicle.  It was then that the paparazzi swarmed them.  The rapid fire sound of cameras clicking and questions being hurled at them roared around them.  Charlie kept her head down, allowing her hair to shield her face, while Joey answered a few of the queries being thrown out, smiling politely, while they loaded the bags in the back of the SUV.

Most of the hollered questions centered around an NSYNC reunion and Lance’s wedding.  Joey was gracious as he answered.  A few of the intrusive shutterbugs started asking about Charlie.

“Who’s the girl, Joey?  Are you guys dating?”

“She’s just a friend guys.  I’m married.”  Camera flashes popped off all around them.

“Aren’t you and Kelly separated?”

“Hey Joey, pose with your girlfriend!”  Joey guided Charlie to the passenger door, putting himself between her and the crowd pushing in around them.  He didn’t answer anymore of their obnoxious questions.  He ran to the driver side and pulled away from the curb.

“Sorry about the assholes back there.  They can get outta hand sometimes.”  Charlie nodded, waved off the comment.

“Don’t worry about it.  Thank you for picking me up.  What happened to--”

“Well that was close huh?”  Charlie yelped at the sudden voice from the back seat.  Her hand flew to her chest as she swiveled in her seat to see the bright beaming face of Chris Kirkpatrick leaning between the front seats.

“Fucking Christ!  Are you kidding me?”  Charlie thought her heart was going to pound out of her chest.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to use the Lord’s name in vain this close to Christmas.  It’s bad luck or something.”  Chris chewed the gum in his mouth loudly as he spoke.

“I’m about damn tired of having NSYNC boys dropped in my lap unexpectedly.  If Lance pops out of a cake or something, I’m gonna strangle Josh.”  Both men laughed heartily at Charlie’s flustered state.

“Ooo, he has you calling him Josh already.  I think this one is a serious one, Joe.  C’s got her calling him Josh.”

“You’ll have to forgive Chris.  I think he may have been deprived of oxygen while he was crouched in the backseat.”  Charlie looked back and forth between the two men next to her and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I didn’t want to cause a riot.  Joey loves the attention and I didn’t want to overshadow him.”

“Fuck off, dick.”  Joey shot Chris a glare through the rearview mirror.  Their playful banter made Charlie smile.

“So how did you two get the pleasure of picking me up from the airport?”

“Who said it was a pleasure?”  Chris cocked his eyebrow playfully at her.

“Because hun, I’m freaking awesome.  You’ll learn soon enough.”  She pinched his cheek for affect.  “Seriously though, what happened to Josh?”

“Said he had to handle a few last minute things before taking off for the holiday.  Asked if I would pick you up.  Jackal in the back here tagged along.”

“Joey and Justin filled me in on the woman that’s created some kind of great change in C.  Had to meet you myself.  We tend to be a tough group to impress.  You hold your own though.  We’ll keep you.”

Charlie plastered a smile onto her face.  She wasn’t so sure they’d be singing the same tune in a couple weeks.

***

JC pulled into his garage and killed the engine on his truck.  He was excited to be home because he knew Charlie was inside.  It had only been a little more than a week since he had seen her but he was finding that each time they parted, it became a little bit harder to let go.  He was crazy about this woman and falling hard.

Since their last meeting, they had talked every evening.  This was a pleasant departure from the almost silent treatment JC received from Charlie prior.  He wondered if it had something to do with their upcoming trip to Arizona.  He had practically begged for details but she wouldn’t budge.

Now he had her for a whole week and he couldn’t wait to introduce her to his family.  He knew they were going to love her.  His parents were excited when he told them she was making it for Christmas.  He had picked up her gift the day after he landed back in LA.  It was going to be a great holiday.

Upon enter his home, JC was met with the sound of boisterous voices and loud notes being played on his piano.  Passing through the kitchen and around the corner in the living room, the scene in front of him was Chris and Charlie battling it out on the piano while Joey lounged on the couch, his face buried in his cell phone.

In much the same manner he and Charlie had once done, Chris was trying to outplay Charlie.  The notes to Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ played fast and furious through the room.  Chris stood hunched over his half of the piano keys, sweating as he tried to outdo Charlie.  Charlie sat rather comfortably, playing through as though it was second nature.  Chris missed a note and threw his hands up in frustration.

“Fucking come on!  You had to have cheated.”  Chris huffed as he sat back on the piano bench.

“How the hell could I have cheated?  You’re right fucking next to me.  Don’t be a whiney loser.”  Charlie resumed the song where they had left off but at a normal tempo.

“Call him Chrissy the Sissy.  He loves that one.”  The three occupants of the living room all turned to look at JC when his voice interrupted the space.  He was leaning against the wall between the two rooms.  His arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles.

Charlie smiled stupidly at the handsome man that stood before them.  Her eyes licked over JC in much the same manner he and his friends had done to her.  His head was covered in his ever present black baseball cap.  His eyes were bright and his face clean shaven.  The well fitted black polo shirt he wore contoured to his torso, the slight barrel of his chest filling it nicely.  The arms of the shirt were tightly stretched over his shapely biceps.  His dark wash jeans hung just right on his trim waist.  She swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes averting away from him when he winked at her.

JC had seen they way Charlie was practically undressing him with her eyes.  He was enjoying watching the blush creep up her neck and reach her cheeks.  Chris and Joey had also caught the lust filled look she was giving him.  JC moved through the room until he was next to the piano.

“Oh, you want to start with the nicknames, Joshy Poo.”  Chris rose from the piano bench and gave JC a manly hug.  When he plopped back down next to Charlie, he flung his arm over her shoulder.  “Your woman here has been kicking my ass for the last hour.  Joe’s right, she’s a female you.”  JC chuckled as he pushed Chris’s arm off Charlie, pulling her up until she was standing next to him.

“I could have told you not to mess with her piano playing.”  JC placed a quick kiss on Charlie’s lips.

“So she’s beaten you on the piano too?”  JC turned back to Chris and grinned.

“Hell no but she put up a good fight.  By the way, where are your guys wives and why aren’t you pestering them rather than my girlfriend?”  Joey stretched his body from his splayed out position on the couch.

“Kelly took the girls out for a late lunch and shopping.  Karly tagged along babbling about hair accessories or some shit like that.”  Joey’s eyes were still glued to his phone.

“C, this woman of yours, she’s freaking amazing!”  Chris had his finger nearly shoved in Charlie’s face as he pointed at her.  JC smacked his hand away, moving Charlie so she was away from Chris and pressed into his body.

“You’re preaching to the choir buddy.”

“I’m serious.  Did you know this girl could rap?  She rapped an Outkast song that would give Outkast a run for their money.”  Charlie head dropped back against JC’s shoulder.

“Oh dear God.  I must have had a moment of temporary insanity.”  Charlie quickly ducked into the kitchen to hide her embarrassment.  The three men laughed at her retreating form.  JC turned back to his two friends when she was out of sight.

“Alright you two.  Out of my house.  I want some time with my girlfriend.  Thank you for picking her up for me but you gotta go.  I’ll see you guys soon.”  JC walked Chris and Joey to the door.

“He doesn’t want us around when he bends her over and makes her scream his name.”  Chris made sure to speak loudly so even Charlie heard him.  JC rolled his eyes.  “See you later, Chuck.”  Charlie responded to Chris’s new nickname for her with a resounding ‘eat shit, prick’ response that made him chuckle.

“Fuck off, dick.”  JC held the door open for them to exit.

“You’re not the first to say that to me today.  Don’t forget to wrap it up.”  Chris bounced down the driveway towards Joey’s SUV.

“And it probably won’t be the last time someone says it to him today.  See ya, C.”  Joey slapped JC on the shoulder as he exited.  JC gave them a final wave as they pulled through the front gate.  He closed the door and headed back in the direction he had left Charlie.

Rounding the corner, JC found Charlie reaching to put a couple of clean glasses back in the cabinet they belonged in.  Her slightly loose jeans sat low on her hips.  Her vintage Metallica concert tee didn’t quite reach the waist of her jeans, giving a small peek of her midsection.  As she reached to place each glass back on the shelf, her shirt rose up, giving him a nice view of her stomach.

“Rather than stand there and stare at me you could have helped.”  Charlie closed the cabinet and turned to face JC, crossing her arms over her chest is fake annoyance.  He was standing in the doorframe between the kitchen and the hallway that lead to the front door.  His arms were braced on the doorframe above his head.

“Hey, I was just returning the favor.  You were staring pretty hard just a few minutes ago.  Made me feel like I should install a few meat hooks.”  The devilish grin that Charlie had come to adore danced on JC’s lips.

“Now you know what it’s like when you and boyband cronies visually violate me.”  His head dropped in laughter.

“Cronies!?!  You wound me woman.  Come here.”  JC pushed off the doorframe in Charlie’s direction.  She moved to get away but his longer legs moved him to catch her before she was even able to round the corner of the large island closest to her.  His warm hands cradled her head as his lips tilted to meet hers.  The kiss was passionate and needy.  Her hands laid on his chest as their mouths tried to devour each other.

When she felt her ass bump the counter behind her, Charlie realized they had been moving.  Her hands went out to grip the counter’s edge to keep her balance but she doubted she would have fell the way JC had his body pushed flush against her.  This jarred their lips apart.  She locked eyes with him and saw his intense want for her at the moment.  His hands had already crept under the material of her shirt.  He dropped a few quick kisses on her lips.

“I hope Chris and Joey didn’t give you too much of a hard time.  Sometime Chris can be a handful.”  JC continued to place random kisses over Charlie’s face as his fingers grazed the skin of her hips and abdomen.

“You don’t say?”  She gave him an incredulous look.  “It’s amazing that chronologically he’s the oldest.  I held my own though.  Only made him cry once.”

“I’m sure he probably deserved it but if gets to be too much, just let me know.  I’ll reign him in.  He’s probably the hardest one in the group to impress but he seems to like you.”  Charlie pulled back slightly in shock.

“I didn’t realize I was on display to impress your friends.  I can only imagine what it’s going to be like meeting your parents in a couple days.”  JC realized quickly he misspoke.

“No, no, no.  That came out wrong.  I just meant that we’re all fiercely protective of each other and Chris is usually the toughest nut to crack in the bunch.  Lance is a marshmallow, Joey and Justin are kind of middle of the road.  You done good baby.  The only one you need to impress is me and you did that a long time ago.”

“Nice recovery there, pop star.”  Charlie playfully pulled JC’s ear.  He kissed her nose before lifting her up to sit on the kitchen island, bringing her to eye level.  He settled between her legs, pulling the hair tie holding her hair in a messy bun out so it fell down around her face.  He loved her hair down.  He slid the hair tie around his wrist.

“Your flight was okay?  I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one to pick you up.”  Her arms rested on his shoulders, crossing behind his neck.

“No worries.  Joey was at the curb when I stepped out the doors.  Had a little run in with the paps but managed to duck out pretty quickly.  They thought I was his girlfriend.  Bunch of shit stirrers.”

“That’s their typical MO.  Looking for something that’s not there.”  They fell into another slow kiss, tongues pushing and teeth biting lips.  Charlie pulled back suddenly much to JC’s dismay.

“Hey, how did your performance go last night at the wedding?  I’m bummed I wasn’t able to be there to see it.”

“It was good.  I got Joey to record it on my cell phone.  I’ll show it to you later.  I go from selling out stadiums to d-list wedding singer.”  Charlie pinched JC in the shoulder at the derogatory comment directed at himself.

“I happen to like my d-list wedding singer boyfriend so stop talking shit about him.”  She kissed the hollow of his neck, moving back up to his mouth.  She nibbled his bottom lip before slipping her tongue back into his mouth.

“I’m honored he asked me.  It was a joke, Chuck.”  Charlie rolled her eyes when JC called her that.

“Oh please, don’t feed into that nickname.  Chris’s wife may be a little upset when he starts losing digits if he keeps calling me that.  I don’t think your piano playing will improve either if you’re down a finger or two.”

“Feel free to put Christopher in his place anytime you want, by any means necessary.”  He placed a wet kiss under her ear as his hands ran up her back, pushing her shirt up with them.  She felt his smile on her neck.  “Look at you.  No bra on.”  His hands explored her back for a moment before moving between their bodies, cupping her bare breasts.

Charlie missed JC’s hands on her body like this.  In just a week’s time, she missed seeing and touching him daily.  He pinched and pulled on her nipples, watching them form into painfully pleasured tight buds.  Her head dipped to his ear where she moaned softly, tugging the lobe between her teeth.

“No bra and no panties, baby.”  JC pulled back to meet Charlie’s eyes.  He could see how much she wanted him.

“Seriously?”

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”  Charlie leaned back, resting on her hands as she waited for JC to make the next move.  Her shirt was still pushed up to her armpits, her breasts staring at him as intently as her eyes were.  His palms flattened on the small of her back, dropping his hands down past the waistband of her jeans, not feeling any other material.  He was only met with warm flesh.

“You are so fucking hot.”  JC’s hands kneaded Charlie’s ass as he suckled one of her nipples into his mouth.  Her loud moans caused him to groan loudly, wanting her so badly at that moment.  He pulled his hat from his head, tossing it onto a nearby counter.  Her hands immediately raked through his hair, her nails gently scratching over his scalp.  A wave of electricity shot down his spine.  His hands moved to the fly of her jeans, flicking the button from the loop and dragging the zipper down slowly.

“Knock, knock.  Anyone home?  Are you decent?”  Both JC and Charlie froze at the deep male voice echoing through the house.  JC recognized it instantly; Charlie had a good idea who it was.  She glared at JC.

“Jesus Josh.  You should have mentioned you had people coming over.”  Her voice was a hushed whisper.  She hopped off the counter, pulling her shirt down her torso.  She scrambled to rebutton her jeans before she bared all to Lance Bass.

“I didn’t invite anyone over.  I figured he’d still be recovering from last night.”  JC’s voice was equally hushed.  He readjusted his unattended to erection in an attempt to make it less obvious.  Charlie grabbed her hair tie from around his wrist, quickly pulling her locks back into a messy bun on top of her head.

“C, you guys here?  The front door wasn’t locked.”

“Yeah, Lance.  In the kitchen.”  Charlie and JC stood next to each other, probably looking like two nervous teenagers who just got caught fooling around.  Moments later, two stylishly dressed men entered the kitchen.  Lance and his fiance, Michael, beamed bright smiles at the two.

“Hey guys!  Sorry to drop in but Chris text me that I needed to meet this amazing girlfriend of yours.  We had a little bit of time before dinner with our families.”  Lance’s bright green eyes met Charlie’s blue ones.  JC grabbed her hand and led her towards his two friends.

“Lance, Michael, meet Charlie.”  She sheepishly offered her hand first to Lance, which he took only to pull her into a hug.

“I’m kind of a hugger.  It’s great to finally meet you Charlie.  I keep hearing wonderful things about you.”

“Nice to meet you guys too.”  She repeated the hug with Michael.  “Congratulations on the nuptials.  Sorry I wasn’t able to make it.  Someone didn’t give me enough notice to rearrange plans.”  She motioned a thumb at JC, returning to her place by his side.  His hand rested on her hip.

“Well, you missed a great party.  C did an awesome job with the Elvis song.  Michael and I couldn’t have been more pleased.  We’re sorry you weren’t able to come.  Speaking of coming…..”  The color drained from Charlie’s face as the two in front of her stifled their laughter.  They obviously caught the sounds of part of their kitchen counter hook up.  She turned to look at JC, who was hanging his head in embarrassment.  “Sorry we interrupted.  But Justin is right, you do have a nice ass.”  Charlie covered her face.

“For the love of God, kill me now.”  She buried her covered face in JC’s neck.  His arms went around her.  He couldn’t help but laugh.  “I can’t show my face around anyone ever again.  You and your friends gossip with each other like females.”

“Charlie, honey, we know Josh isn’t some forty year old virgin.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  As Lance said, we’ve heard great things about you.  We all see a good change in Josh and that’s all you babe.”

Charlie peeked between her fingers at Lance and Michael, who both had warm smiles of admiration on their faces.  She looked up at JC who wore the same smile.

“My closest friends playfully torture you, which is a good sign.  It’s a stamp of approval.  You’re in for life Charlie.”  JC dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.  

She prayed his last statement was true.