“Excuse me, Miss Lucy?”

I look up from my coffee and smile at the cleaning lady. I have a cleaning lady. I still can’t believe that. I mean, there are many parts of my life that I can’t believe, but having a cleaning lady is right up there.

Just three years ago, I was a substitute teacher in L.A. trying to find a full-time teaching job. I went out with a few friends to some swanky new club in West Hollywood and caught JC Chasez’s eye at the bar. Yes, JC from *NSYNC. Yes, the one that dated Eva Longoria.

I am not Eva Longoria. I’m just Lucy. Lucy Chasez for the past year and a half and I’m still getting used to signing it “Chasez” and not “Daniels” like I had for the majority of my life.

It took me a few weeks to get used to being with him when we first started getting serious. Often times, I’d pinch myself and wonder if it was really true. Was I really with JC from *NSYNC? I know it sounds stupid. I probably sound like a teeny bopper. Well, if truth be told, I was a huge fan of him back in high school. And my friends back home in North Carolina were floored when they saw our picture in some tabloid ‘zine online. I was even floored.

Anyway, so our cleaning lady, Viktoria, is looking at me now while I sit at the island in the kitchen sipping my coffee.

“Hi, Viktoria. What’s up?” I refuse to speak to her like she’s beneath me, like I’ve seen some of these other Hollywood wives do. Ok, I’m not a Hollywood wife. JC is a B-lister star at most. Maybe even a C, I don’t know. But whenever we’ve been invited out to other people’s houses, the hired help is treated like they’re subhuman and I refuse to do that.

“I was wondering did you need me to change the sheets on your bed?” She has a load of clothes in a basket she was taking to the laundry room.

“Oh, ummm…” I try to think about the last time our sheets had been changed, which then made me decide that we probably did need them changed. “Sure. But I mean, I can do it if you’re too busy.”

I know, I know. JC hires her to clean our house and here I am offering to do it for her. Thankfully, Viktoria just smiles warmly at me and shakes her head.

“No, ma’am. I can do it. Just wanted to make sure before I did.” She turns and heads to the laundry room.

“Are you still trying to do her job?” JC is walking into the kitchen and I turn around and smile at him. He’s wearing a white undershirt, black jeans, and a black baseball cap. He could be wearing a potato sack and I would still think he looked hot.

“Hi.” I don’t answer his question, just pull him in for a kiss and he chuckles against my lips.

“Baby, you know Viktoria likes her job, right? I mean, if she didn’t want to work here or if she didn’t enjoy it, I’m pretty sure she’d have quit by now.” He pulls away and those beautiful baby blues are staring into mine and even after three years, he still makes me giddy.

“I know. I know I just…it’s weird, okay? I didn’t grow up with a cleaning lady.” I’m inches from his lips so he kisses me again and then squeezes my arm.

“I didn’t either.” He walks over to the coffee pot and reaches above him to take a mug from the cabinet. “What have you got planned today?”

“Grocery shopping, picking up your stuff from the cleaners, and I need to pick up a dress I let Amy borrow last week.” Amy is my best friend in L.A. She’s an English teacher at a big prep school in the area and is married to a former NFL player. Somehow, she’s used to the glam life and treats it like it’s always been a part of her.

“Don’t forget, we have that charity event tonight. It’s at eight.” He pours himself a cup of coffee, then walks to the island and leans on it across from me. “Matt’s raising money for a UNICEF project he’s been working on.”

“Got it.” I nod and circle the rim of my mug with my finger. “So, should I get a new cocktail dress, or…” I trail off and JC shakes his head at me, a smile on his face. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker for a new dress and I’ll use any excuse to buy one.

“Sure, babe. Whatever.” He shrugs and winks at me. “We’ll leave here around 7:30.”

Charity events are like a dime a dozen in L.A. Everyone has them and JC and I go to one at least three or four times a year. There’s always paparazzi waiting to snap pictures and while we can usually get by with one or two photos, that’s about the most that’s spent on our profiles. It’s fine with me. The less we’re paid attention to, the more I can gawk at the real celebrities.

Viktoria enters the kitchen again with sheets folded neatly in her arms. “I am just going to change your sheets. Anything else you need upstairs?”

“I think we’re good. Thanks, Viktoria,” I reply before JC can answer.

“Uh, hang on, Viktoria.” JC wanders around the other side of the island. “Do you mind putting more towels in our bathroom? I think some of ours might’ve gotten mixed up in the guest bathroom.”

“Of course. Not a problem.” Viktoria nods and smiles at both of us before heading up the stairs.

“JC!” I hiss at him.

“What?” He looks at me as if I’m crazy. “Luce, it’s her job!”

Fine. It’s her job. With that, I sip the last bit of coffee and go upstairs to get ready for the day.

Amy’s mansion –yes, mansion, not house- is about three miles from where JC and I live. Security is super high in their subdivision and you almost have to give out your social security number upon entering.

“Welcome to chaos,” Amy greets me at the door. She’s in sweatpants, a red tank top, and her black hair is thrown back in a messy bun. She’s got her six-month-old, Julia, on her hip. Behind her are toys and a sippy cup on the floor. I can hear her four-year-old twins, Roan and Margo, fussing in the background.

“I just came to grab the dress,” I told her. “Then I’m going off for errands. We have some charity thing tonight.”

“Matt’s charity thing? Yeah, we’re going, too.” Amy is walking ahead of me, briskly picking up any toys in her path. “Margo! I told you to clean these up!”

“Roan did it!” came Margo’s reply.

“I don’t care, I asked you to-“ Amy stops and looks back at me. “Sorry, Luce. Want anything to drink?”

“No, like I said. Just here for the dress. And I don’t think you have time to sit and chat.” I follow her down the long hallway where the master bedroom is. JC and I have a pretty decent sized room, I would say. It takes up most of the second floor of our home. But this is a whole other wing at Amy’s house. Not to mention, her husband Is a former linebacker and so the bed is twice the size of any normal King-sized bed.

The bed is unmade, there are clothes strewn all over the floor, and drawers have been left open in the dresser. Amy groans and shakes her head.

“Our cleaning lady called in sick. Of all the days to call in sick.” She brushes a piece of stray hair away from her eyes. “Here, hold Julia, will you? I’ll go grab that dress.”

Amy hands me the baby and I begin cooing at Julia. JC and I don’t have kids yet but I’m pretty sure we’re going to start the process of trying here in the next few months. “Trying” always makes me chuckle. Really, we’re just going to be having sex a lot more than usual.

I make a face at the baby and she gives me a hearty laugh in return. She really is beautiful. All of Amy’s kids are. Her husband is from somewhere in the South Pacific and Amy is half African-American and Filipino. So their kids are naturally going to be gorgeous.

“Here.” Amy comes out of the walk-in closet with a dress that is not mine.

“Amy, that’s not my dress.” I have to start laughing at her. She’s so scatterbrained, I wouldn’t be surprised if she forgot she even borrowed it from me.

Amy looks at the dress in her hand and groans, shaking her head and going back into the closet.

“Your mommy’s funny.” I say to Julia, who grasps at a strand of my hair.

“Mom-myyyy!” A wail that sounds like a siren sounds from down the hall. It’s Margo.

“Oh my god.” Amy lets out a partial groan mixed with a sigh. She steps out of the closet, this time with yet another dress that isn’t mine. “Here.” She thrusts the dress at me and before I can object, she’s stomping down the hallway. “Margo Marie! What is the matter?”

Julia lets out a loud farting noise and then another. In mere seconds, a foul smell is permeating from her diaper. I can hear Margo getting a lecture from her mother, so I duck out of the bedroom and walk down the hall to the baby’s room. It’s nothing for me to change Julia’s diaper, but when I take it off, there is some sort of awful explosion that has taken place instead of just a dirty diaper.

I hate to do it, but this is not what I signed up for.

“Uh, Aim?” I call down the hall.

Amy, with Margo and Roan trailing behind her, walks into the baby’s room. “What is it?” She looks at Julia. “Oh shit.”

“Mommy, you can’t say that word!” Roan bellows.

“Amy, I’m really sorry, but I-“ I start to say but Amy shakes her head.

“No, it’s fine. I understand. Roan and Margo, go in the playroom and if either of you start fighting then it’s time out for both of you!” She looks at me. “They’re all going to drive me crazy. I’ve got to get an Au Pair.”

“Fine, but you know what happens when people get au pairs around here.” I raise my eyebrow and smirk at her.

“Whatever. He knows I’d cut off his balls if he ever cheated on me.” Amy goes to tend to the baby. I don’t doubt that she would. Amy’s pretty much a badass. A very scatter-brained badass…but a badass nonetheless.

“I have to go.” I tell her and give her a quick hug.

“Did you get the dress?” She’s changing Julia’s diaper and not paying me any attention.

“Uh, no. But don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tonight.” I give her a quick hug and let myself out. I’ve only been at Amy’s for less than fifteen minutes and I already feel like I need a drink.

I pick up JC’s dry cleaning and then head over to the mall. I park right in front of Nordstrom and make sure my Nordstrom card is in my wallet before I head inside. Nordstrom is like my paradise. They are supremely overpriced, but I always find the best stuff in there. JC gives me a hard time and tells me I can always go to Macy’s or Bloomingdales but then I remind him about the thousands of Diesel jeans he owns and he backs off quickly.

My phone rings as soon as I’m in the dressing room. It’s my husband.

“Hey, where are you?” he asks me as I’m just about to take my bra off to slip on a dress I’ve spotted in the Overly Priced But Amazingly Cute section. I have no idea if that’s the name of it or not but that’s what I call it.

“Uh, at Nordstrom.” I am fiddling with the zipper and the phone is nestled between my chin and neck.

“Why don’t you just wear the dress Amy borrowed from you?” He doesn’t even ask me if I’ve found anything. He probably already knows I have.

“Because Amy has either lost the dress or it’s buried in the pile of clothes that have taken over her room.” I finally get the zipper undone, put the phone on speaker, and set it down on the chair in the dressing room.

“I see. Well, what did you find?”

“A dress that I’m trying on right now.”

“Ooh, are you naked?” He’s talking really low but chuckling all at once.

“You’re on speaker, babe.” I don’t waste any time. As hot as it would be to have phone sex in public right now, I’m not one for announcing it to the Nordstrom dressing room.

“Oh.” JC immediately clams up. “Ok. Well, let me know when you’re on your way home. Did you get the cleaning?”

“Yep. I just have to run by the grocery store and then I’ll be back.” I successfully zip up the dress and smile at my reflection. It’s a dark blue, strapless dress that hugs me in all the right places. “Oh, and I’m getting this dress I have on right now.”

“I figured you would, honey.”

“Love you.” I hang up and take the dress off, putting it back on the hanger. I dare myself to look at the hanger and gulp when I see the price. JC might kill me. But then again, I can always remind him of how much he liked me in the dress because the bill will come long after I’ve worn it.

See? I think these things out.

As I’m walking up to the cash register, I glance over at the shoe department. I know I have a pair of pumps that will go fine with this dress, but I just can’t help myself. I walk over to the shoes and they all stare back at me, daring me to try them on. I gingerly pick up a beautiful Michael Kors heel and handle it as though it’s a glass slipper. It’s beautiful, it’s lovely, it’s-

“I have those shoes. They’re god-awfully uncomfortable.”

I look up and nearly drop the shoe as I fumble it in my hand. There, standing next to me, is Emma Stone. I love Emma Stone. Emma Stone is amazing and I’ve seen all of her movies and –

“Just letting you know. I wouldn’t spend that much on them.” She shrugs and turns away.

Ok, I know I should be used to seeing celebrities out and about but I’m not. I don’t care that I share the same mall with them, to me they are on this unattainable level that I’ll never reach. Even if I’m married to one.

“I love your movies!” I blurt out and Emma Stone turns around and smirks at me.

I wish that Nordstrom sold shovels so that I could have reached for one at that moment and started digging a hole.

I was right about the dress. JC did a double-take when I walked out of the bathroom later that night. He was buttoning up his shirt and stopped to gawk.

“Damn.” He cleared his throat and walked over to me. “You look…well…damn.”

“You like it?” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. “It’s the one I bought today.”

“The one that cost as much as the mortgage on this house?” He’s nibbling at my ear and I pull away.

“Huh?” I look at him wide-eyed and he laughs at me.

“I checked the bill online to see what the payment was. You must have just bought the dress.” He goes back to my ear and then moves to my neck.

“So…it’s a good thing, right?” I whisper in his ear.

“Honey, you look so hot right now I’m about to call Matt and tell him I’m sick with the flu so we can just stay at home and I can take that dress off of you.” He presses himself to me and I can feel him on my thigh.

“Well, the sooner we leave, the sooner we can get back and I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.” I pull away from him and fasten his last button on his shirt. I make sure to walk ahead of him and swivel my hips on purpose.

“Stop that. You’re just being mean!” He groans from behind me. I just cackle and keep walking.

The charity event is being held at some swanky hotel in Bel-Air. When we step out of the car, JC hands the keys to the valet and puts a hand on my waist. I look up to see a camera in my face and grimace. JC pulls me close to him, we look at the camera, and smile. One or two more come up to us and then a reporter from E! sticks his microphone in front of JC.

“JC, what are you working on these days?” It’s the same question. That and the reunion question. I sometimes feel that my husband should walk around with a placard that reads: “I’m content in my life and no, we are not reuniting” because it would make his life a lot simpler. But he’s so patient and gives the same answer he’s given every other time before.

We walk into the hotel and are escorted back to the ballroom that overlooks a large courtyard. There are lights strung up everywhere and waiters walking around with champagne and hors d’oeuvres. I spot Amy and Micah over in a corner talking to Peyton Manning and his wife. Amy looks over and sees me, excuses herself, and comes over to me and JC.

“Hi guys.” She greets us and gives me a hug. She looks absolutely stunning. Her hair has been pulled back into a high ponytail and she’s wearing this gold shimmery dress that highlights her hourglass figure. “Lucy, I found your dress. Somehow it had ended up in Margo’s room.”

I just laugh at her. “It’s fine. I bought this one today instead.”

“I love it!” Amy pulls on my arm. “Come drag me away from football talk.” She looks up at JC. “I figure you have to go talk producing or…something.”

Amy will be the first to tell anyone she has no idea what my husband does. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told her he’s a music producer – because that’s really his main job now – she will always say “or something” after she tells someone what he does.

“I’m just gonna go find, Matt and talk regular shit…or something.” JC winks at Amy, then kisses me on the cheek. “Have fun. I’ll see you later.”

Amy and I wander off to the bar. She orders a gin and tonic and I order a Cosmo. Then we sit back and gawk at all of the celebrities and then gossip about stuff we’ve read in the checkout lines at the grocery store.

“I just feel bad for Jennifer Aniston,” Amy is saying to me after her second gin and tonic. “I mean, hell, what if she can’t get pregnant and all those shitty magazines are making her feel worse than she already does?”

“Right.” I nod my head and sip on my drink. I’m a light weight and have to be careful. Once we came to a charity function and I had too many glasses of red wine. I started doing karaoke and there wasn’t even a karaoke machine around. “I’m glad JC isn’t on the radar so much. We’re about to start trying and if I can’t get pregnant I don’t want all of Hollywood and the world knowing.”

Amy snickers. “I remember when Micah and I were trying. God, those were amazing times. You just have sex all the time.” She looks over at her husband who is laughing with JC, Matt, and Shaquille O’Neal. “Now we’re lucky if he gets it in once a week.”

Micah looks over and catches Amy’s eye. He gives her a nod and blows her a kiss. I look at my friend. “I’m thinking you’re gonna get some tonight.”

“Maybe.” She shrugs and finishes off her second drink, then looks at my still half-full Cosmo. “For god’s sake, Lucy, you’re still not done?” She turns to the bar tender. “Hi, I’d like another gin and tonic and my friend here will have a glass of merlot.” Amy takes the Cosmo out of my hand. “You like merlot better anyway.”

“You can be such a bitch.” I shake my head at her and thank the bartender after he hands me the glass of wine. I take a sip and turn my head, then gulp and grab Amy’s arm. “Amy, Emma Stone is here!”

“So?” Amy looks over in the direction that I’m gawking in.

“So today I saw her at Nordstrom and she was commenting on a pair of shoes I was looking at and then she turned around and I blurt out, ‘I love your movies!’ and she turns around and just looks at me like I’m crazy.” I let out a sigh and shake my head. “What if she thinks I’m stalking her?”

“Um, Lucy.” Amy is biting her lower lip. “I doubt she’ll recognize you and I think you’re a little off saying she would think you are stalking her. Have you seen the security outside? Also, you probably didn’t look like you do earlier today. And she’s not even looking in our direction.” She grabs my hand. “Come on, let’s go back to our hubbies.”

I cringe and make a face. Amy knows I hate the term “hubby” and she’s only saying it because she knows how much it irritates me.

As we’re walking back towards our husbands, I look down and notice I have toilet paper on the bottom of my heel. I’d gone to the bathroom earlier and I guess I hadn’t realized that I’d been walking all over the ballroom with toilet paper on my heel. I stop and reach down to grab at it and lose my balance. All of the sudden I’ve tripped and fallen and my wine has spilled on someone but I can’t look up because I’m planted face down on the floor.

I look around and I see shoes in front of me. People have stopped their conversations and are looking at the klutz on the floor. Me. I’m the klutz. Not to mention I’ve landed on my hand and got a rug burn going across my wrist that feels like fire.

“Luce.” I hear JC’s voice and dare myself to look up. He’s standing in the middle of the crowd and then kneels down to help me up. “You okay, baby?”

I am so not ok. I am so embarrassed.

“Yeah.” I’m lying and he knows it just by looking at me. As soon as I stand to my feet I’m face to face with Emma Stone. And she has a red wine stain going down the front of her beautiful, green lace and beaded dress.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!” I want to help her clean it up but I also want to find the nearest corner to go hide behind and never appear again. How in the hell does this manage to happen to me twice in one day? I mean, forget the damn shoe episode. I’ve just ruined this woman’s dress.

“It’s ok. You’re fine.” I can’t tell if Emma is just pacifying me or if she’s pissed. Also, am I allowed to call her Emma? Or is it Ms. Stone? Or Emma Stone?

“I can pay for your dry cleaning!” I’m stammering now and I know I sound like an even bigger idiot.

“No, you’re not doing that. It’s totally fine. I promise.” Emma Stone/Ms. Stone/Emma says to me. Then she looks at JC. “Oh hey. I didn’t know this was your wife!”

She didn’t know? She knows him? He knows her? “You know her?” I ask JC.

“I met her on the set of Opening Night last fall.” JC says. “Emma, this is my wife, Lucy. Lucy, this is Emma.”

“I’m so sorry.” It’s the only thing I can say. “I’m the biggest klutz in the world and-“

“Please don’t worry about it.” Emma Stone puts her hand on my arm and gives me a warm smile. “And you didn’t buy those shoes, did you?”

“Oh, um, no. I took your advice.” I am finally able to crack a smile at her.

“I saw her today at Nordstrom,” Emma says to JC. “Anyway, look no hard feelings, I promise. This dress was on its last leg anyway.” I find that hard to believe because it looks brand new, but I appreciate her making me feel better. “I’ll see you around. Lucy, it really was great to meet you.”

“You, too.” I watch her walk away and let out a breath. I’m really glad the crowd has dispersed and seem to have forgotten the klutz that face planted a few minutes ago.

When we get home that night, it’s almost 2AM. All I want to do is change out of my dress and fall into bed.

“Hey sexy.” JC is walking behind me up the stairs. I turn around and he’s giving me ‘that’ look. ‘That’ look that tells me that as exhausted as I am, he’s not going to let me sleep. Somehow, he can wake me up with just ‘that’ look.

“How are you not exhausted?” I’m already backing up against the bed and letting him kiss on me.

“Cause all I could think about was you and that dress in a puddle by the bed.” He’s unzipping my dress and then we’re falling on the bed.

Remember how I said there were parts of my life I couldn’t believe? This part of my life is very believable. I may be some star struck, klutz of a woman, but I think that’s something that attracted him to me in the first place.