Eight Letters

Jenna Timbrook looked towards the sky on Santa Monica pier. Pink and purple hues lit up the horizon. Paired with a gentle breeze from the Pacific and wrapped in boyfriend JC Chasez’s arms, her mind should be content. Right?

Her brain had other ideas. She and JC had started dating approximately five months ago, right as he began chemotherapy treatment for stage 1 vocal cancer. In that time, they’d bonded on an intimate level (although not physically, yet).  She’d held his hand while the treatments were administered, sat beside him when he was retching over the toilet, and cuddled when the stress became overwhelming.

She loved him, plain and simple. Common sense told her it was too soon; they hadn’t dated long in the grand scheme of time. On the other hand, they’d gone through something few could understand. It stripped both of them to the emotional core, revealing their true colors. He had an innate goodness about him she couldn’t place a finger on. She wasn’t used to that kind of attention from male figures in her life.

JC kissed her neck, snapping her out of her monologue.

“What are you doing?

“Showing my woman how much I l… appreciate her.”

Wait, what was he saying?

He cleared his throat, anxious to change the subject. “You’re quiet tonight, Jenna.”

Her default response was playful deflection, but she decided to play it straight. His slip of the tongue piqued her curiosity. “Yeah, I am. Why?”

“Just wondering. Want to make sure you’re okay.”

”Not really. I can’t make up my mind about something.”

“How come?”

If you’re doing this, say it to his face. “Let me turn around.”

JC loosened his grip. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong?

Jenna draped her arms over his shoulders. “Nothing’s wrong, per se. Just… what I want to tell you would change everything. For better or worse, depending on your reaction. It’s a huge risk.”

He nodded. “Ah. I might’ve had a similar debate recently. Not only are you opening your heart, a potential rejection could break us if we’re not on the same page. Which would be a damn shame because I’m really happy with you.”

Jenna studied her boyfriend’s tender features. His gaze was soft and his lips slightly upturned. Quit over analyzing everything and spit it out. He just gave you the perfect lead in. "So am I. I love you."
His smile widened. "I love you, too."
See? I told you! Relaxation overtook her body as she exhaled. "You do?"
"Yeah. I've wanted to tell you for awhile."
"Why haven't you?"
"I was afraid you'd think my intentions weren't pure. That I only said it to get between your legs."
"You don't seem like that kind of guy."
"I'm not. That aside, I didn't want you to feel pressured. Like, if I had said it first but you weren't ready, you'd guilt yourself into saying something disingenuous in attempt to please me."
"That's exactly what I would have done. How did you figure that out?"
"Educated guess," he replied with a wink.
Jenna bit her lip. "Damn, I feel naked. Exposed.”

“Vulnerability isn't always a bad thing, sweetie. Your heart is safe with me."  

Jenna responded by stroking his cheek as they melted into each other's kiss. Tears of relief and happiness appeared behind her vision. He said it back! I can’t believe it. Am I dreaming? A sob crept in her throat, which caused her to pull back.

JC furrowed his brows in concern.

‘’Don’t worry. These are happy tears,” she replied to his unspoken question. “I truly didn’t expect you to say it back.”

“It’s true. You’ve supported me, comforted me and taken care of me in one of the darkest periods of my life. Not many would stay like you have, Jenna.”

“I do because I want to. I care about your overall well-being.”

He nodded. “That’s the difference. You made the most hellish experience bearable with your sweet presence. I couldn’t have survived without you.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “You’re too kind, JC. I don’t deserve this.”

He brushed away her tears with his thumb. “Your shitty male examples are telling you that. You deserve to have someone hold you while you cry, kiss you so passionately you can’t think straight and make laugh until your sides hurt.

She smiled, but the rain kept falling down her cheeks. “Toxic people leave scars that don’t ever heal.”

“I’ll never stop easing your pain.”

Jenna giggled. “God, you’re still a cheesy boybander at heart, aren’t you?”

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“No. I’m smiling, aren’t I?”

“And what a beautiful smile it is. I’d hate to…” He kissed her. “Wipe it from your lips.

“If anything, you’ll make it grow bigger.”

After another kiss, they pressed foreheads together.  Neither spoke for a moment. Until JC took a deep breath. “I love you, Jenna Rose. Every part of you. I know you’re not used to this degree of affection and praise. But I won’t let a day go by without showing you how much you mean to me.”

“I love you, too, JC. I hope to do the same for you.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, you’ve already done more than most people.”

“It’s called human decency. You know, it’s nice to be a normal couple. Going out and doing date like things.”

“Yeah. I’m glad Dr. Franklin gave me a break for the holidays. I’m actually human for once. But it’ll all come crashing down tomorrow.”

“It’s your last bit of treatment. Only three more weeks and you’ll be cancer free by New Years.”

“Keep dreaming, Jenna. I doubt it’ll be over that quick.”

“Sorry, you’re stuck with Pollyanna.”

He kissed her forehead. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”