"Nic, maybe it's time to stop?"

"What?" she leaned in, cupping her ear in her hands and moving the side of her face closer to his mouth. 

The small Stache Bar was packed with people. A wave of blue and white clad Dodgers fans began to stream their way out of the bar to make room for the crowd of greasers waiting for the DJ Panic, who was kicking off his night of spinning Smiths' records with a remixed version of "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable."

"I think it's time to stop. We're gonna head out soon anyway, I'm just closing the tab." 

"Okay dad! It's not even ten o'clock. C'mon, Matt. I am off work. It's spring break."

"Nic, I can't. You may not have to teach tomorrow, but I have to work."

"Candy, make him stay. We can dance. Let's dance!" Nicole grabbed Candace's hand and tried to move her closer to the small makeshift dance floor near the bar's pool table. 

"I haven't had enough to drink to put up with The Smiths. Girl, I'm ready to call it a night."

"We can go somewhere else. Red Room, Fern's, the gay bars on Broadway. Candy, the Go-Go Boys are fine!"

Matt placed his arm around Candace and pulled her into his chest. He kissed her temple. "I can be your go-go boy," he mumbled into her ear. 

"Nicole, I can't. We're good. Matt and I are ready to go home." 

"Nic, let's go. We'll walk you." With his arm still wrapped around his wife, Matt placed his free hand on the small of Nicole's back and started to escort both women out of the bar. 

"No," Nicole whined. I'm not leaving. "I'm gonna hang out. I like The Smiths."

"Since when?" Matt sucked his teeth and laughed.

Nicole picked up her gin in tonic, took a sip and began swaying to Morrissey's awkward crooning.  

"Text me when you get home." Matt laughed and placed a kiss on Nicole's cheek, turned and escorted Candace from the bar.  

Nicole continued to sway but lost her desire when she realized she wasn't drunk enough to dance alone. She walked her drink to an empty seat at the end of the bar, and sat down. Contemplating her next move. She knew, first and foremost, she needed another drink. She tried to wave the bartender down, but he passed by without a second glance. She tried again, but again she went unnoticed. She sighed, and the man next to her leaned over and said loudly near her ear, "You're hot, you shouldn't have this problem." She turned slightly to get a better look, unsure if she should be flattered or repulsed, but was pleasantly surprised by a pair of blue/green eyes staring back at her. His eyes were contrasted by his tanned olive complexion, and full, but nicely trimmed beard. She winked at him and allowed her eyes to trail down his muscular tattooed arms resting against the shiny, polished resin bar top. "Yeah, well I guess his taste isn't as good as yours," she smiled. 

"Marcus!" He called, and whistled sharply. The bartender turned and walked over. "She needs a drink," he nodded towards Nicole. 

"Gin and Tonic, please," she smiled sweetly.

"On my tab, Marcus. Thanks." 

Nicole eyed him flirtatiously. 

"Ginebra y Tónica. Wild. Salvaje." The stranger laughed. 

"Nicole," she introduced herself. 

He took her hand in his and replied, "Kike." 

"Thank you Kike."

"Not a problem. What happened to your boyfriend?"

"He died."

Kike laughed. "Pure filth, mama..."

She smiled as Marcus slid a paper coaster across the bar top and placed her drink down in front of her. She took a sip. "Dance?"

 JC and Mitchel crossed the street quickly. It was cool and moist for a spring Southern California evening. JC turned up the collar on his jacket, while Mitchel breathed a few warm breaths into his fist. The walk was longer than expected. After leaving the Long Beach Convention Center, the two old friends grabbed dinner at a small Indian restaurant. They decided to grab a drink or two at Mitchel's urging. The hotel bar at the Renaissance seemed to lack any kind of character, so the young woman at the concierge, with cropped bangs, horn rimmed glasses and a neck tattoo that peaked out of the side of her collar, recommended the Stache. She was local, it was her favorite spot, they had an interesting craft beer list, and it was close but far enough away that the hoard of elementary school teachers also attending the music education conference would not be there, which was ideal. JC was not recognized as frequently anymore, as his *NSYNC days were long behind him, but there was something about elementary school teachers. They always knew who he was, they were always fans, and they still screamed. The two men weaved through the small cluster of tattooed smokers holding court outside the bar, opened the door, and went in. 

The inside was dark, and had a purple hue. It was full of people, who looked like they had stepped off the set of Grease, but there were still two seats available at the end of the bar, so the two men pushed their way through the crowd and had a seat. 

"Time warp!" Mitchel laughed. "Is this Morrissey?"

"Yeah, man. Not what I'm used to. I can dig it, though," JC chuckled.

The two men ordered beers and fell into a rhythmic conversation, when a small woman in a Dodgers Jersey, cut off shorts, and Birkenstocks squeezed between the two. She spun around Mitchel. "Sorry," she yelled over the music.

"We take your seat, hon?" JC asked, preparing to stand.

Nicole spun to face him, placed her hand on his shoulder, then wrapped the other arm around the front of him, leaned forward, and reached down. "No! No, I just left my purse on this hook here under you. You're good." She smiled with a wink and slung her purse over her shoulder. She moved her hand from him and reached for her drink, still on the bar. Securing both her drink and her bag, she turned, and resumed her place next to Kike by the pool table. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, guided her hips with his to the rhythm of the music, leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers. 

"Very different crowd than you're used to?" Mitchel laughed. 

"Any crowd is different than I am used to these days. J and I keep a low profile." He laughed, but turned back to Nicole. 

Kike had now picked her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and he kissed her neck, just above her chest. Nicole drained the rest of her drink and flung her head back. He put her down, and they swayed some more to the music. Kike again placed his arm around her shoulders and guided her to a small group. They talked, but Nicole wasn't processing the words. She was just glad she hadn't gone home, without Kike, that is.

"Another one, Mama?" he asked, again moving his lips to her ear. 

His breath made her insides ignite. Should she have another, or suggest they go across the street to her place? Question of the evening. Oh hell, what was one more? "Yeah." 

His powerful embrace around her shoulders compelled her toward the end of the bar to the seats now occupied by JC and Mitchel. After the quantities of alcohol Nicole had consumed, she was not as steady on her feet. That should have been the first sign she probably should have stopped, but she was having fun. She squeezed in between Kike and JC. JC turned to look at her as he felt her body brush against his side. 

Recognizing her from their last encounter, he smiled wide and the corners of his blue eyes crinkled. "Leave something else?" he asked. 

She smiled back. "My fine motor skills, maybe," she slurred and tried to laugh. Kike pulled her closer to him, and she turned to face him. Her head may have turned easily, but the room seemed to be a few seconds behind. 

"The same?" he asked, leaning his head toward Marcus. 

Nicole squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. Hoping it would help focus her vision. "What?" 

"Gin in tonic?" Marcus asked her. 

"Ye-yeah," she stuttered and nodded her head in the affirmative. 

Kike pulled her into another tight embrace and pressed his lips to her neck. While it was a welcome experience, she was not prepared and stepped back. Again, brushing against JC. He turned his attention on Nicole again. He watched as she leaned toward Kike, licked her tongue across his lips, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, removed herself from his embrace and said, "Bathroom." 

Hoping a quick pit stop would help her regain some coordination, she joined three other girls in the bathroom line. No sooner had Nicole left the bar than Marcus had returned with her drink. Kike picked it up, and took a sip. JC watched him out of the corner of his eye and then turned his full attention back to Mitchel. Mitchel quickly re-directed JC's attention, as with wide eyes he quickly flicked his head to the side, silently requesting JC to turn back the opposite way. He turned just in time to see Kike place something into the drink. He wasn't quite sure he understood what he saw, but when Mitchel looked shocked, he knew exactly what was happening. 

"Hey! What are you doing?" JC asked, sharply turning his full body toward Kike. 

"What's up bro?" Kike responded. 

"She looks like a sure thing. You're going a little far, putting something in her drink. Seems unnecessary."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Kike spoke through gritted teeth and leaned closer to JC, establishing his dominance.

"Friend, I don't want trouble, it's just... I can't let you give that to her." JC stood up. He was not prepared to fight anyone, but he couldn't let this slide. 

Kike picked up the drink, but JC tried to bat it away. Then, again, for the third time that night, a brush against JC's side distracted him. He turned as Nicole danced her way back between the two men. "Shut your mouth. How can you say, I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does..." she sang along with the song. She faced JC, "Secret, this is the only Smith's song I actually like. I'm such a poser!" she laughed, turned, and grabbed the drink from Kike.

JC grabbed her wrist. "Don't drink that"

"The fuck, dude?" Nicole was startled.

Kike shoved JC and Mitchel finally rose from his seat. JC raised his arms, signaling he wanted no part in a physical altercation. Nicole eyed both men. "What the hell is happening here? Kike, let's go." 

JC grabbed her arm and pulled her back against him. She was not steady enough on her feet to keep her balance, and she fell against his chest. "Ouch. You're hurting me," she yelled, pushing off of him.

"Don't drink that. He put something in your drink."

She fought to remove JC's grip, "Get offa me! What the fuck?" 

"He put something in your drink, I can't let you drink that." JC continued to swat at her drink. 

"You're out of your mind, guy!" She eyed him and took a long sip. He hit it out of her hand, and it splashed on the bar top. Immediately, a large, barrel-chested, bearded man rushed toward Nicole and JC. "You're out!" He grabbed them both and started to escort them out. JC pulled away, walking out on his own. Nicole, on the other hand, was putting up a fight. Mitchel followed behind, but Kike sunk back into the crowd and tried his best to blend in. JC held the door open, as the bearded bouncer threw Nicole out with some force. She was off balance already, and had trouble staying on her feet. She fell to her knees, and JC tried to help her up. She swatted at his hand. 

"What the fuck?" She stood up and turned back, expecting to see Kike behind her, but when the door opened and Mitchel walked through, she turned back around and stared JC down. "Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? I don't even know you!" Nicole yelled. The louder her voice got, the more her head started to swim. Words just came flying out, but they weren't the most coherent. 

JC grabbed her by both arms just above the elbows. Shook her gently, "Honey, he put something in your drink. While you were gone. We saw it." He turned to look at Mitchel, who nodded in confirmation. 

Nicole heard the words, but struggled to understand the meaning. She watched his mouth move again as he said something, but what it was he said, she did not know. His lips kept moving. And she blinked a few times. Her head fell forward, and she slumped toward his chest and became limp in his hands. Mitchel stepped forward and tried to help her back up right. JC placed one hand on her face, and patted her cheek in an attempt to wake her up. She quickly came to and smiled. 

"Hey, what are you doing? Is she okay." A stranger across the street yelled. 

"Yeah, yeah, just too much to drink," Mitchel called back.

Just what JC needed, for people to notice him with an unconscious girl in his arms. "Do we call the cops?" JC asked. 

Mitchel wasn't sure. "Will that look bad?" he asked JC.

"We can't just leave her here." 

"Get her an Uber, maybe?"

"Mitchel, to where?"

"Look in her purse, maybe she has an ID?"

JC walked Nicole a few feet to a bus stop bench and sat her down. She was not unconscious, but struggled to stay upright, so he leaned her back against him as he stood behind her. Mitchel started to dig in her purse, looking for her wallet, and immediately her phone rang. He handed the phone to JC. 

"Honey, you want to answer this. Maybe they can come get you?"

Nicole laughed in response. 

The phone stopped ringing. But, it quickly started again. Matty D. showed up on the display. JC swiped to answer the call. 

"Hello?" JC said.

"Who's this?" said a gruff voice on the end of the line.

"Hey, I'm Josh. I'm with this girl you're calling."

"You're with Nicole? Who are you?"

"Nicole. Yeah. We met at this bar. The Stache. She's had too much to drink. I'm not sure how to get her home."

"Don't you touch her! I swear to god, you lay one finger on her and I will find you and I will end you."

"Hey, friend. I am just trying to help her. We are outside the bar. It's called the Stache. Do you know it? At a bus stop. I don't think she can go further. I was going to call an ambulance. Unless you want to come get her."

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" 

JC tapped the FaceTime icon on the phone and watched as a young man appeared on the screen. This is me. I am Josh. Is this Nicole? He lowered the phone down in an attempt to get Nicole in the frame. Matt saw Nicole leaning against the front of a man's body. He tried to call out to her, but she didn't respond. JC raised the phone back up to his face.  I am not trying to hurt her. I am helping. Take a screenshot. Can you come get her? I can stay until you get here. Otherwise, I'm going to call 911."

"I'll be right there. 10 minutes. I'm not far." The phone clicked as Matt took a screen shot of JC's face

"Okay."

JC sat down next to Nicole on the bus bench. He placed his arm around her, under her armpits, to keep her up right. Nicole's head lobbed from side to side. Every so often, she would catch his eye, and she would smile. Mitchel stood in front of them to block the view of others, lest they think something inappropriate was happening. 

"We going back to my place?" Nicole slurred looking at JC. She raised her eyes and saw Mitchel, "Ooo a friend. You coming too?" She laughed. "Fun! I'm just there," she pointed across the street to a giant gray and blue building. 

"You live there?" Mitchel asked. 

"Yeah, lesgo. I promise a good time." Nicole slurred and rolled her head back once again to face JC. "You're not Kike." She closed her eyes tightly and tried to shake her head, hoping it would clear up some of the fogginess rolling in. 

"No, no, I'm Josh. This is Mitchel. Matty, Matt? He is coming to pick you up."

"Matt. Where's Matt?" She tried to stand up, but JC's hold kept her seated. 

"He's coming."

"Fuck. Him. And. His judgement. This is my life. If I want to take you home, I can."

If not for the seriousness of this situation, JC would have laughed right out loud, but he felt bad for her. She wasn't just a sloppy drunk, she had been drugged, and while he knew she was safe in his care for the time being, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. 

As they waited for her friend to arrive, Nicole fell very silent. JC thought she may have fallen asleep, but suddenly in a moment of complete lucidness, Nicole bolted straight up. And took a few steps toward the curb. 

Mitchel intercepted her before she reached the street. "Where ya going? We're waiting for Matt, remember?" 

Nicole placed a hand on her forehead, and scooped her hair back, flipping it to the side. "I'm going home." She tried to take a step, but Mitchel continued to block her progress. 

Exasperated, JC rose from the bench and walked toward her. He placed his hand on her elbow, and gripped lightly. He tried to pull her back toward him, and back to the bench, but she tried to shake him loose. He gripped her arm tighter. 

"Get your fucking hands off of me. I will scream!"

He tried again to pull her back toward him, "C'mon, just sit. Matty, your friend, will be here any minute."

"I don't want Matt. Take your hands off me." 

She again tried to break free, but he pulled her back. Her balance failed slightly and she rolled her ankle. In the process, one of her sandals slipped off. Regaining her balance, she turned sharply, and with her free hand, she slapped JC across the face. Hard. JC pulled back in pain and Nicole had to shake her hand in an attempt to alleviate the stinging. Mitchel went to attend to JC, and Nicole saw it as her chance to escape. She turned quickly and started to run toward the curb, deciding to leave her shoe behind. She did not take more than two steps when she slammed into the chest of another man. She looked up and saw Matt looking down at her, wrapping his arms around her small frame. 

"Nicole, what the hell!?" He whispered. 

"I'm trying to go home. These assholes won't let me."

Matt looked at Mitchel and then at JC, who was still holding his face.

"Look, man, we were just trying to help," Mitchel explained. 

"He put something in her drink. Her boyfriend, or the guy she was with," JC explained. She drank some of it before I could tell her about it. You may want to call the police. Or take her to the hospital, or something. But we gotta go." 

"Who was she with?" he asked the men. "Who were you with, Nic?"

"Matt quit acting like my father. I am an adult and can take home whoever I want." She explained, still trying to get across the street. 

"Hang on, I will walk you. Just give me a minute." Matt released his hold on her.

"What's your number? Both of you." Matt asked, pulling out his phone. 

"Why?" Mitchel asked. 

"I have no fucking clue what happened here. I'm gonna call the cops, and if you're not guilty of doing anything, then you will give me your number." 

"You don't need our number, man. We helped; we did our part." JC started to walk away. 

"I have your picture, I took that screenshot. I will give it to the police. You wanna make this easy?" 

"C, it's cool, I'll give him mine." Mitchel started to rattle off numbers. 

"No, the both of you. Here, call me, I want to see that you aren't fucking with us." Matt warned. He puffed up his chest to make himself appear bigger. He wanted to look like he wouldn't take no for an answer. 

"Jesus! Fine," JC sighed, thinking it wouldn't be the first time his number got out, and he had to change it. He was ready to do just about anything to get out of this situation. 

The men called Matt, and once he was satisfied that the numbers were real, he took Nicole's arm and began walking her home, across the street.

 The incessant screaming of an alarm caused Nicole to wake with a start. She shot up in her bed, and in a matter of seconds dropped back down. The change in elevation caused a noticeable change in pressure, and she felt like an anvil was sitting on her brain. An arm reached over her to quiet the alarm. She turned and saw Matt get out of the bed. She looked around to make sure she was in her own home, but the blackout curtains doubled by the fogginess of her sight made it difficult for her to see clearly. 

"Matt?" she mumbled. 

"Yup." 

"Where are we?" She asked trying to sit up again, but her whole body ached, and she felt more comfortable flat on her back. 

"You're home. I gotta go. I have to work. How are you feeling?"

"Like I was run over. Why are you here? I thought you and Candy went home? Where's Candace?"

"We did, but you felt like drinking. Apparently too much. I had to come back and get you. Who were you with?"

She pressed the fingertips of both of her hands into closed eyes, trying to massage the dizziness from her head. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I don't remember drinking that much."

"Do you remember Josh and Mitchel?"

She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow. "Who?"

"Josh. Some guy answered your phone at the bar. Said you were passed out. Were you with him? Was he going to be your next one-night stand?"

"That's not fair," she said softly into the pillow. "I don't know. Tattoos?" 

"No, older guy. White, longish hair."

"No. I was with tattoos. Hot. Kike! I was hoping you were him." 

"Well, you know how to pick them. Kike put something in your drink. These two guys saw and got you out of there. You couldn't make it home. I called you. They answered because you couldn't and here we are." 

Nicole rolled back over. She breathed a few concentrated breaths, and sat up. She looked over at Matt, who was seated on the edge of her bed tying his shoes. She tried to remember, but couldn't. The last thing she remembered was dancing with him, and a flash of the bathroom. "I don't remember," she whispered. 

Matt got up and circled to the other side of the bed. He placed his hands on either side of her face. "I love you. So much. But you can't keep doing this. You need to make smarter choices. You deserve better." 

"Are you blaming me? I didn't do anything wrong. I should be able to drink at a fucking bar without it getting drugged." She started to raise her voice, but the louder she got, the more her head pulsed. 

"No, Nic. I am not blaming you, but you gotta be more careful. I gotta go to work." He turned her head to the side, kissed her cheek, and left the room. 

"It feels like blame," Nicole called out as she heard the front door shut. She fell back into the bed.

 The light leaking into the room fell directly across Nicole's face. It was hard to keep her eyes shut. She turned away from the window and opened her eyes. She felt better. More human, but she didn't feel like getting out of bed. She lay there on her side, trying to recall the events from the previous evening, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't piece the fragmented flashes of the night before into a linear story. When the alarm went off this morning, she expected Kike to be next to her. That's what she had planned. Where and when that plan deviated, she wasn't sure. Maybe that was a good thing. She counted to five in her mind and hoisted herself out of bed. Once her feet hit the cool wood floor, she felt more like a human. Maybe because she felt anything at all. She reached over to the bedside table and picked up her cell phone. She had 3 text messages:

Candy: Hey girl, Matt told me what happened. Call me I'm only working half a day. Love ya!

Linda:  I'm going into work. I want to plan the next unit for my AP class, let me know if you decide to come in so we can figure out AmLit. 

Matty D: You seemed okay so I didn't take you to the hospital, he put something in your drink. Ima call stache later, but it's for you to decide if you want to get cops involved. 2 guys were with you 310940721 4107634461

Nicole prided herself on her intuition. She knew her gut would tell her when something wasn't okay. There was no way someone drugged her. She walked to the desk in the corner of her living room. The computer was on, and she immediately googled "ruphy." She quickly learned it was spelled "roofie" and that it was short for Rohypnol, a kind of Valium. Apparently it causes slurred speech, memory loss, and was often used to curb withdrawal symptoms for cocaine. Unwilling to accept it, she x'ed out of her web browser and headed for the shower, hoping for both a physical and symbolic cleanse. 

After her shower, she dressed and did her hair and makeup, as if she was going out for the day, but took a seat on the couch. It was 12:45, and she didn't want to meet Linda for work, but she didn't want to stay in her apartment. She looked at her phone. No new calls or messages. She decided she would text Candace, since she would be off of work. They made plans to meet for lunch at the Auld Dubliner in downtown Long Beach. It was a nice walk for Nicole, and she was ready to burn off some steam. 

It was after one, but Nicole ordered the full Irish breakfast anyway, and an Irish coffee. Candace gave her the stink eye when she ordered an alcoholic beverage, but Nicole just shrugged and mumbled, "Hair of the dog?" 

"So, what are you going to do?" Candace asked.

"I don't know, Candy. I'm still not exactly sure what happened," she said. 

"Did you talk to the guys who were with you?"

"No." 

"Maybe they can fill in some gaps."

"I guess," she paused. "I guess, I'm embarrassed to call them."

"You didn't do anything wrong, girl. You're lucky, someone intervened."

"Tell that to your husband. Matt made me feel like shit, like I was asking for it."

"He's just overprotective and emotionally stunted."

The food arrived and Nicole tucked into her meal. She felt hungrier than she ever had. She shoveled forkful after forkful of food into her mouth. She barely stopped to breathe.  

"Slow down!" Candace laughed. "Want me to call them?"

"Who?" Nicole asked with a full mouth. 

"The guys."

"No."

"Are you going to file a police report?"

"And tell them what? I don't remember anything, but I think someone slipped me a mickey?"

"I mean, you have to do something, right?"

"Maybe I'll just be grateful that two guys were my Knights in Shining Armor."

"I guess you can call them and thank them." 

The girls finished their meal and Nicole walked Candace to her car. She thanked her for meeting her, and declined the ride home. Nicole wanted to walk more, and she decided to head to the beach. Maybe walking along the bike path would clear her mind. She kept trying to recall the events of the previous night, but struggled. She would go back to the last thing she remembered and tried to make some connections. It was frustrating how many gaps she had in the timeline. All of a sudden, she had a flash. A taller man with very blue eyes. She remembered slapping him. She wasn't sure why, but when it flashed in her mind, she remembered the sting on her hand. She felt very guilty. If that was who was helping her, why was she so mean to him? But really, could she even be accountable for her actions? 

She was half-way home on her beach path route when she paused near a pier piling along the marina, and in a bout of courage, she pulled out her phone and opened Matt's text message. She tapped on the first hyperlinked phone number. Not sure what she would say, or even who she would ask for, or even if someone would answer, but she held her breath. It rang six times before an automated message picked up. "I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet. Goodbye." The recorded voice sounded and the phone disconnected. Thankful that she didn't actually have to talk to someone, she returned the phone to her bag. She felt like she had made enough of an attempt to contact the people who helped her, and she was satisfied and relieved. A little less stressed, she continued her way home. 

No sooner did she reach the front of her apartment building, the phone started buzzing in her purse. A little afraid the man she had called earlier decided to return her call, she was pleased to see Joel's name flash across the screen. 

"Hey!" she answered with a smile. 

"Nicole, Matt told me what happened. Are you okay?" I'm picking up Kaylee from work. We're going to come over."

"Joel, I am fine. I don't remember anything, nothing happened."

"Did you call the police?"

"And tell them what?"

"That someone tried to drug and rape you?"

"I don't even know who that someone is, and I don't know for sure."

"Well, did you go to the bar and tell them what happened? I'm sure they have cameras?"

"No. I don't even know what happened, Joel. I am fine. It's good. Be happy."

"You need to go back to the bar and at least let them know that kind of stuff is happening there. They don't want that kind of publicity."

"Yes dad."

"Someone needs to dad you. I am going to kill Matt for leaving you there!"

"Hello! I am 39 years old. I can make decisions for my life. I don't need you or Matt trying to protect me. Goddamn. I have to go," and with that Nicole ended the call, and walked into the main entrance of her building. She felt her phone buzz in her hands, but she had heard enough from Joel and just let it ring. 

Nicole had known Joel basically their entire lives. They had gone through elementary school and up together. They became closer friends after Nicole's father's suicide when they were eight, and she refused to speak for a year. No one wanted to sit next to, or play with the weird girl who didn't speak. Joel didn't seem to mind. He sat next to her at lunch every day and played with her at every recess. Nicole didn't speak, so he always got his way. The friendship stayed very strong. She spent many days and nights with Joel and his family. Nicole's mother struggled to cope with her father's death and turned to alcohol. Their partnership expanded in high school when Joel and Matt were in a punk band together. Overtime, Matt adopted Joel's overprotective persona. The three of them had gone through many ups and downs, and while they lived in different parts of town, they spoke every day. After Nicole's mother died, Matt and Joel, and their significant others, became her only family. She was lucky. Not many people in her shoes would have a surrogate family like she did, and even if they were horribly overprotective and constantly in her business, she was thankful for it. 

Nicole entered her apartment and sat down on the couch. Maybe some mindless reality show on Bravo would clear her mind, or pass the time. Her phone rang again, and she still refused to answer it. She didn't want to call the police. She was slightly embarrassed, and just thankful nothing did happen. That was enough for her. The phone stopped ringing, but a few seconds later a text message rang through. 

Joel: At least go to The Stache and let them know. Please. For me. I will come over there and make you.

She tapped her reply back

Nicole: Okay, please don't drive all the way here. I'm fine. I'm going right now. 

Leaving the TV on, Nicole grabbed her keys and headed out the door. She knew she wouldn't be long; the bar was only across the street. She hustled across the street, avoiding traffic. And quickly flung open the door to the bar. At a quick glance, there were only two patrons, one at the bar and one at the jukebox. She was relieved that she would have an opportunity to recount her spotty story in almost private. Her thoughts were broken by a loud sigh. 

"You're back too!" Marcus the bartender whined in frustration. 

"What are you talking about?" Nicole tried to laugh it off. 

"When most people get kicked out of a bar, they don't come back. At least for a while," Marcus responded. 

JC was the patron standing at the bar. He had been eyeing Marcus, who had been flipping through papers in a small tin box. He turned toward the door at Marcus' comment and saw Nicole walking towards them. She definitely had better balance today, her eyes were brighter, her light brown hair looked freshly washed and hung down just past her shoulders in beachy waves. She had a pair of light wash jeans that hugged her curves nicely and a gray v-neck t-shirt that hung loosely in all the right place, revealing enough of her chest to be seductive, but still casual and effortless. She had the same tan Birkenstocks, which struck JC as an odd fashion choice for any woman in a bar, even this ridiculous one. Nicole walked toward both men and made eye contact with JC. Instinctually, he smiled a hello at her, but she seemed to disregard it, and turned straight to Marcus. 

"That's why I'm here, I wanted to talk to someone about last night."

Marcus ignored her and kept flipping through cards and papers in the small tin box. 

"I mean, I don't plan on ever coming back here, someone put something in my drink here last night."

Marcus looked at her, and then turned back to JC. There was a long pause. Nicole didn't say anything more, and Marcus continued to eye JC. 

JC finally registered what the look meant. "It wasn't me!" JC raised both hands with a shrug. "I just saw it happen."

"What?" Nicole asked, confused. 

"I saw the guy put something in your drink. That's why I hit it out of your hands."

"You don't know this guy?" Marcus asked.

Nicole looked at him for a few seconds, trying to will her brain to make some kind of connection. His eyes were very blue and kind of wide set. His facial features were very pronounced. He had the start of a beard that, while it was growing in full and evenly, the gray in it made it look patchy. His hair was dark and slicked back, and the curls at the ends were splaying in different directions at the back of his neck. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit and black shirt and tie, with black sneakers that weirdly looked enough like dress shoes to pull the look off. He was attractive in a nontraditional way. He was also strangely familiar to her, like she had seen him before, but obviously he had saved her last night, so she had seen him before. 

Nicole realized she had been staring and averted her eyes. "What are you doing here today?" She asked him.

"I left my credit card." He replied, still looking at her. She recognized him. He was sure of it. He was just waiting to see what reaction she would have. Would she say something point-blank, would she "oh my god" a bunch of times, or would she laugh or ask for a selfie? 

"Oh," she mumbled and turned back to Marcus. "Well, I was with a guy named Kike. I guess I feel like you guys should know that Kike likes to drug women." 

"I- I...um... I don't really know what to say. Um, can I get your information, so I can let the owner know?" Marcus pulled out a strip of receipt paper from the register and handed it over to her with a pen. Nicole wrote down her name and phone number, and pushed the paper and pen back across the bar counter. 

She then turned her attention to JC. "I tried to call you, or your friend, earlier today. The voicemail wasn't working or something. 

"That was me," JC told her. "I don't listen to messages, so I never set it up." Why was he telling her this? He had no idea. 

"Well, I guess I owe you a thank you." 

"Here it is!" Marcus found what he was looking for and handed JC back his credit card wrapped in a receipt. "We add 30% gratuity to any cards left here."

"Great," JC mumbled.

Nicole took a few steps towards the door and JC followed. He held it open for her and they both stepped outside. 

"Is there something I can do to, like, repay the favor?"

"No, I'm just glad you're safe."

"Okay, well, thank you." She turned and took a few steps to the corner. JC was headed in the same direction, so she let him fall in step with her. "And thank your friend for me too. Matt, my friend, said there were two of you." 

"Yeah, my buddy Mitchel and I had come here for a drink last night," JC explained. "Good thing too, I supposed," he laughed awkwardly. 

"Yeah." She smiled, and they continued to walk in the same direction together. "What's your name, by the way?"

"Josh," he answered, and he stopped walking. "And, you're Nicole, am I right?" 

"Yeah," She stopped and looked at him. He was more handsome in the light of day. "Oh, and I think I owe an apology. I slapped you, didn't I?" Her cheeks reddened. 

JC touched his face as he remembered the sting of the blow. "Yeah, you did," he chuckled. His eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled.

She smiled back and started walking toward the corner, so she could cross and head home. He followed behind her. "I'm so sorry. But I was drugged, so you can't hold me completely responsible."

"You going to call the police?" He asked, concerned. 

"No. I don't think so. I didn't go to the hospital, and I don't even know what his full name is." 

The light changed and they walked across the street. 

"You're not afraid he could do this to another girl?" he asked. 

"That's why I went back to the bar. I'm sure he's a regular. Everyone there is."

"Niche crowd for Thursday night. Who goes to see a Smiths DJ?" 

"Yeah, right?" she smiled. "So, you live around here?" She asked him.

"No. I'm in town for a thing at the convention center. I'm giving a talk in about an hour. I don't normally wear a suit and tie." He lifted the tie off of his chest and waved it at her. 

"Suits you," she smiled with a wink. "Where's your car?"

"At the hotel. I walked here," JC patted his stomach, "I don't get to exercise much these days," he laughed. "But I'm gonna Uber to the convention center." He stopped walking, and Nicole stopped as well. "Nicole," he reached his hand out to shake hers. "It was nice to meet you, and I'm very glad to see you today in much better shape than last night. It was a little scary." 

Nicole reached for his hand, but pulled him into a hug. He leaned down and complied. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear, sending a small current through his body. "For everything." She released her embrace, and JC took a step back, eyeing her awkwardly, surprised by his body's reaction to her. "You know what?" She announced, interrupting his thoughts.  Let me drive you to the convention center," she was excited to be able to do something to help him. 

"No, no it's fine, thank you though." 

"No, for reals, it's so easy. This is my building, my car is right here. Legit, it's the least I can do. Let me help you." She smiled. "C'mon," she grabbed the arm of his suit coat and started dragging him behind her toward the garage door of the large apartment complex they were standing in front of. He acquiesced and followed behind her. She walked him straight to a dark blue, older model Jeep. She pressed a button on her keys and the doors unlocked. JC took the passenger seat and Nicole hopped in, quickly started the car, and pulled out of her spot. She headed in the direction of the convention center, only a short mile away. 

"What's the conference? Or Convention?" She asked him. 

"It's a music education thing."

"Oh. Cool. You teach? I'm a high school teacher."

"No. I'm a sing-Musician. What do you teach?"

"Cool. English. You play any instruments? I can't play music to save my life. My two good friends were in a band growing up. I'm just a groupie," she laughed. 

JC cringed at the groupie comment, and while he thought she had recognized him early, he seemed to be sure now that she hadn't, or if she had, she wasn't going to say anything. It was kind of nice being anonymous, but he was still cautious. "I play a little of everything. Working on the back end these days with new artists."

"Yeah, anyone I've heard of?"

"Probably not."

It was clear he wasn't going to name-drop in front of her, so Nicole felt certain he probably worked with someone kind of big. She let it go, though. The ride was quick. She promptly pulled up to the main entrance of the convention center. Traffic wasn't too bad and there was space in a loading zone. JC thanked her and got out of the car. He no sooner shut the door, than he turned and knocked on the window. Nicole rolled it down.

"Hey. You got my number. You should think about calling the police. You can give them my info, or if you need anything, just call, okay?" 

"Okay. Thank you again. And tell your friend too. My heroes!" she winked and smiled. 

He smiled back and patted the door frame two times before turning around. Nicole watched him walk away. He made it a few steps up to the convention center before a small group of women stopped him. She watched them talk to him. He shook their hands and one of them women pulled out her phone. The small group crowded around him and posed for a selfie. Nicole wasn't sure what she was watching, but she laughed a little in spite of herself and headed home.

 Mitchel had been standing by the glass door entrance to the main convention hall, waiting for JC to arrive. He wanted to go over some last minute talking points of his keynote speech. Mitchel was the new president of the National Associate for Music Education. The national conference was held in California for a reason. Recently, the state had reconfigured its funding formula for public education to be more holistic. It's a radical funding approach that could inspire other states and serve as the perfect talking point to promote music education. The new funding formula accounted for addressing the needs of underserved demographics, and foster youth were a high need priority.  JC was the perfect keynote speaker to speak to how impactful music can be for kids with nontraditional family lives. It was a big favor to ask of one of his oldest friends, but JC didn't seem to hesitate to confirm, which is why Mitchel was feeling slightly guilty after the episode from the night before. He saw an SUV pull up to a curb, and he was quite sure it was JC who got out. His instinct was confirmed when immediately a small group of women rushed him. Mitchel promptly exited the convention hall and went to JC's rescue. 

"Ladies, JC is needed in the conference hall. We hope you are attending his keynote speech at exhibition room C."

"It's fine," JC smiled at him, then turned back to the women, and held up a camera phone for a group selfie. "It's nice to meet you lovely ladies. Thank you for coming out. You're teachers?"

The crowd of women responded in the affirmative. 

"Couldn't do what you all do. Thank you."

He waved and posed for a few more selfies, before he allowed Mitchel to escort him into the convention center. JC followed in step with Mitchel as they breezed past the main exhibition hall and flashed a badge that allowed them entrance into a short hallway with a few small office spaces. The two men took seats in two of the red office chairs strategically placed around a conference table. Mitchel took two small index cards out of his breast pocket and handed them off to JC.  

"I know your speech is going to be great, but it's super important you include these two topics. I listed some keywords. I hope you can find a way to incorporate these at some point."

"Not a problem," JC assured him as he flipped through the cards. 

"I wanted to go over them with you earlier," Mitchel tried to explain, but I missed you in the hotel.

"Yeah. I realized I didn't have my credit card, so I went back to that bar."

"I'm so sorry about last night."

"Hey, no biggie, man. We're heroes," JC laughed. 

"I mean, I guess," Mitchel mumbled, confused.

"No. We are. I ran into Nicole at the bar."

"She was there again today?"

"No, no. She came in while I was there. She wanted to tell the manager about what happened."

"How did she seem?"

"She seems okay. We talked a little. She actually drove me here," a slight chuckle punctured his sentence. "She thanked me profusely. I don't think she really remembers much. Maybe that's a good thing."

"She drove you here?"

"Yeah. To thank me."

"Uh huh."

"I was going to get an Uber, she insisted. I didn't feel like I could say no."

"Does she know who you are? Is this going to be a problem for you?"

"I don't think she does. It doesn't matter. Anyway, she seems good. She's grateful. She will probably call you. She tried me earlier, but I didn't answer." 

Mitchel shook his head and shrugged. "Okay, well, you'll be on in about 45 minutes. You can stay here and prepare if you'd like, or you can wander around."

"I got some calls to make. I'll stick around here. Don't worry about me. See you in a bit," JC waved his friend away.

 Nicole arrived back home quickly. She made her way upstairs to her apartment to find her security screen closed but the front door wide open. Her heart raced a bit. A flash of a thought entered her mind. Kike is back to finish what he started. She shook her head. Don't be crazy, she thought to herself, but still she was pretty sure she closed the door and locked it when she left. She wedged the two largest keys on her key ring between her fingers and made a fist. She took a deep breath and pounded on the screen with force. 

"Who's in there! What are you doing in my apartment!" She yelled. 

"Nic! Where have you been?" She heard Joel's voice call out. 

Nicole sighed and opened the door. "I told you not to come." She walked into the hall and stepped into her living room. Joel was standing by the door that led to the balcony. 

"I needed to see you. Make sure you were okay." He took a few steps towards and opened his arms. 

Nicole rolled her eyes and turned away. Joel swiftly walked up behind her and circled his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Joel, I am fine. I was at the Stache, like I told you I was going to do."

She looked up in time to see Kaylee, Joel's fiancé walk from the hallway into the living room. "Oh, you are here." Kaylee mumbled. 

"Nice to see you too, Kay-lee" she grumbled as she struggled from Joel's grip. 

"So your string of one-night stands landed you in a predicament. I expected an STD before an attempted rape, but--"

"Kaylee, that's enough," Joel ordered and walked over to her. He placed his hand on the small of her back, turned her around, and began to lead her to the other room.  

"Relax, Joel, I am not taking the bait." Nicole laughed and plopped herself down on the couch. "I'm safe. Still in one piece. You can go home now," she called over her shoulder. 

She could hear their voices in the other room, but couldn't make out what they were saying. She assumed it was something along the lines of how Kaylee needed to be nicer to Nicole. It was a conversation she had overheard numerous times before. Kaylee hated Nicole. For 5 years she had been dating her friend, Kaylee, was never once nice to her. Kaylee could not believe that a relationship between the opposite sex could be platonic. It used to drive Nicole crazy, but over time, Nicole and Joel could ignore it. Kaylee thrived off getting under Nicole's skin, and when Nicole realized feeding into it just made it worse, she just stopped paying attention, most of the time. 

The couple eventually reentered the living room, and Kaylee took a seat on the chair across from Nicole, while Joel took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. Joel grabbed the TV remote off of the coffee table and flipped to the golf channel. It was day one of the Masters. Nicole rolled her eyes, but let him take control of the TV.

"You guys want something? Water? I think I have beer."

"I'll drink your beer," Joel answered. 

Nicole got up and headed toward the kitchen, turned promptly, "Kaylee?"

"No."

"I won't poison you, I promise," Nicole laughed and continued her path to the kitchen.

Joel glared at Kaylee, who then sat back deep into the chair with a pout. 

Nicole returned with a glass of water for herself and Kaylee, and a beer for Joel. "So, what's up?"

"Just wanted to see you," Joel replied. 

"Here I am," she stood up and turned around, arms out.

Joel threw a throw pillow at her and she sat down. 

****

JC sent off some work emails from his phone. He thought he'd be happier since he had been so busy since the first of the year, but really the busyness didn't make him happier, it just allowed him less time to dwell on the negative. He really had no idea why he wasn't happy. Things seemed to be going well. He had a surprise performance coming up at Coachella next week. He and the guys had rehearsed a couple of times, and he thought the nostalgia of it all would wake up the fire in his belly. He thought helping out his friend with this convention would also bring some satisfaction to his life. Hell, his longtime girlfriend had just uprooted her life completely to move in with him here in Los Angeles. He even had some recording sessions booked with a young new artist in the coming weeks. And, just yesterday, he made a new connection with a local Long Beach recording studio director. He was even able to tour the studio. It had a great vibe, and a history that included Eric Clapton and the Beach Boys. With so much going right, it was hard for him to understand the pervasive black cloud that hung over his head. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually been happy. He tried not to entertain that thought, though. It usually spiraled all the way down into whether or not he had ever been happy. A spiral he was not trying to go down before he gave a speech. 

He scrolled through his recent calls and saw an unfamiliar missed call. He smirked as he realized it must have been Nicole. She had said she tried calling him earlier. To thank him. He scrolled past it and tapped "Jenny," hoping that a brief chat with his girlfriend would lift his spirits before his talk. The phone rang, but she didn't pick up. He left a message. "Hey baby. Just killing some time before I present. Wanted to say hi. Going to probably grab dinner with Mitch again tonight, so I'll see you in the morning. Love you," and ended the call and returned the phone to his pocket. 

He leaned back in the chair, interlocked his fingers behind his head, extended his legs out, feet casually crossed at the ankles, closed his eyes, and took a few relaxing breaths. He tried to clear his mind, but flashes of the night before and his interaction with Nicole early in the day kept popping up. Her Birkenstocks for some reason held a prominent image in his mind. He laughed. What girl looking to get laid wears Birkenstocks to the bar? A girl who clearly doesn't give a shit. Eyes still shut, he smiled to himself and laughed a little. He wished he could give zero shits about things, but everything seems to matter too much to him these days. He felt the spiral of thoughts coming on, and sat up quickly. 

He pulled out his phone again to check the time. The phone unlocked and opened to his call history. Again, he flashed over the missed call from Nicole. She was pervading his thoughts anyway, so he figured he'd call her. Before he could tap the missed call on his screen, he thought better of it. He was concerned that he had just left her only maybe 20 minutes ago. It would be weird to call her. Call her to do what? Say hi? He put his phone back into his pocket. Maybe a text would be less weird. He sat back up, reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone and watched it unlock. He copied the missed call number and opened a new text message. He pasted her number into the application and then contemplated what he should text her. Again, he locked his phone and this time placed it on the table next to the index cards Mitchel had given him. He picked up the index cards and began to read through them again. Thinking about how he'd address these talking points. But his thoughts were sidetracked by dinner. Dinner! Of course. Perfect reason to text her. He and Mitchel were surely going out to dinner. They aren't familiar with the area, but she lives so close, of course she would know of some places to eat. He picked up his phone and shot off a text message:

Hey Nicole, it's Josh. Thanks again for the ride. I should have asked you in the car for some restaurant recommendations. Mitchel and I are going to grab a bite. Any places in the area that you like?

He waited for a reply, but nothing came. No dots showing that she was typing, no "read" message. Just his blue message bubble with "Delivered" printed underneath. He put the phone down and resumed reading the index cards. Hoping to hear the ding. But when nothing happened. He grew more and more disappointed. He unlocked the phone again to see if the status of the message had changed, but it still appeared the same. He sighed, placed the phone on silent and returned it to his pocket. He stood to leave when he felt a vibration on the side of his hip. He reached in and pulled out his phone. She replied.

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: After last night you trust me with your going out plans! That's brave. There's an indian place on 4th and Long Beach Blvd. 

JC: Great minds! We went there last night. You got anything else?

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: So many restaurants. Are you staying close to the convention center?

JC: yes

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: Federal Bar has a great happy hour! There is a street called promenade, between Pine and Long Beach Blvd. All the places there are good. Congregation Ale is a beer place, but the food is good, and they have trivia there tonight. 

JC: trivia?

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: Yeah you know like pub trivia, you and your team answer questions you win a free round. It's fun. My friends and I play there sometimes. 

JC: You playing tonight?

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: nope

JC: you want to play tonight?

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: are you kidding?

JC: sounds fun. 2 seems like an odd number for trivia though. 

No reply. What was he thinking, inviting her out? He hadn't even talked to Mitchel about even going to get dinner yet, and he was sure the last thing she wanted to do after her night out yesterday was go to a bar. He looked back at the message, still no reply, and still no damn dots! He noticed the time at the top of the phone. He picked up the index cards off the table and headed out of the office he had been waiting in. He didn't return the phone to his pocket. As he walked he kept looking down for a reply. As he entered the exhibition hall C, he glanced down, and finally he saw the dots!

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: I mean I'm down, but I have a couple of friends here. We were talking about dinner. Can I bring them? 5 is a good team size. 

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: And you have to let me buy!

He smiled to himself as he read the message. He was getting ready to tap out a response when he was startled by Mitchel, who slapped his back and asked if he was ready, and why he was smiling.

"We're going to go to dinner with Nicole and some of her friends. At a place that has trivia." 

"We are?"

"Yeah, she said the food was good and trivia sounds fun."

"You save her from impending danger, and now you are best friends?"

"WE saved her from impending danger, and she wants to thank us. What else are we going to do tonight?" 

Josh: Well that sounds like an offer we can't refuse. 

Maybe Nicole 5623546804: sweet! see you around 715, Congregation Ale House

 Nicole led Joel and Kaylee down the promenade, a pedestrian only street, heading towards the restaurant. She started to make the turn toward the entrance when two men walking toward her, but still across the street, caught her eye. One was in shorts and a light sweater, the other in black jeans and a Hawaiian patterned bomber jacket and a hat. Though she didn't quite recognize either man, she knew right away it was Josh. She changed trajectory and walked to the crosswalk. JC saw her from the other side of the street and waved with a smile. His hat was pulled down low over his face, but even in the dusk of the evening, his blue eyes were clear and bright. She waited for the two men to reach her. Josh formally introduced her to Mitchel. She immediately pulled him into a hug and thanked him for helping her last night. She apologized profusely for causing them trouble, but he shook off the compliments and told her he was happy to see her in better form this evening. She led them to Joel and Kaylee, who were waiting at the entrance of the restaurant, and made introductions. 

"This is Joel and Kaylee." She nodded to her friends. "And, this is Mitchel and Josh." 

Joel embraced them both, catching them off guard. He thanked them again for helping his friend. 

Josh turned to Kaylee to shake her hand. "I'm sorry, your name again?" He asked, and he held out his hand. 

The look of shock on her face was hard to miss. She stared, mouth slightly open. "It's Kaylee," Nicole announced loudly in her stead. 

"Kay-Kaylee, sorry," she finally reached for JC's outstretched hand. 

Nicole led the group into the restaurant, wasting no time finding a table on the outdoor patio. She explained that it was such a nice spring night, there was no point sitting inside. The waitress came promptly, and they ordered a round of drinks. While everyone pondered the food menu, Nicole went to get a trivia form and quickly returned to the group.

"Okay, so we need a team name," she smiled. 

"We aren't going with the usual," Joel asked. 

"Well, we have new people on the team, so it's like a new team."

"What's your usual team name, we can go with that, it's fine," Mitchel asked.

"Multiple Scoregasms," Joel dead panned.

Kaylee rolled her eyes, but JC and Mitchel both found it quite amusing. 

"How about Multiple Scoregasms with Strangers?" Mitchel laughed. 

"Perfect!" Nicole immediately wrote down the team name on the trivia forms.

They were two rounds of trivia in, and they weren't doing so poorly. Between rounds, the group of strangers got to know a bit more about each other. Nicole was a high school English teacher, Kaylee a hairstylist, and Joel a mechanic.  Mitchel explained his new role as president of the National Association for Music Education. JC tried to remain as vague as possible, explaining he dabbled in all parts of music and recording, but nothing big. Just that he had a small studio and often worked with new artists. Joel shared that he and Matt had been in a band and that they recorded an EP once that only maybe five people bought. Nicole did not need to hear Joel recount the glory days of his youth, so she excused herself to the restroom. Kaylee quickly followed behind her. 

Once, safely in the confines of the restroom, Kaylee grabbed Nicole by the arm, and spun her around before she could enter the stall. "Nicole, do you know who that is?" She asked excitedly. 

"Who who is?" Nicole shook off Kaylee's grip and entered one of the free stalls to do her business. 

Kaylee continued talking through the stall door, "Josh."

"Um, he's Josh, music guy."

"No, he's JC from *NSYNC."

"Who?"

"Shut up, don't pretend you don't know *NSYNC. You know Justin Timberlake, the boy band."

It hit Nicole suddenly. He was familiar, but not because she remembered him from the night before, but because he was a staple on MTV when she was younger. His face had filled out some, and he looked a lot older and less clean-shaven, but those eyes were unmistakable. She laughed to herself as she exited the stall and rejoined Kaylee at the sink to wash her hands.

"Dang, that is him! He looks a lot different. Did we age like that? I mean, I still feel like I look how I did when I was at least 27!"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Kaylee! Contrary to your perception of me, I don't fuck anything with a dick."

"He didn't tell you who he was?"

"No, I mean yes. He said he's Josh. You were there, he told us he's in music. I mean, it's not like he's lying. But c'mon, don't call him out on it. He probably wants to leave the past where it belongs. In the past." Nicole dried her hands, turned promptly on one foot and exited the bathroom. Kaylee, again, not far behind. 

Nicole resumed her place at the table. It was the middle of the third trivia round: literature. Awesome, that was her category. She tucked into her salad and waited for her team to fill her in on the questions she had missed. They did not have a single answer:

1. He goes on a date with Sally Hayes. It ends in an epic fail. Answer: Holden Caulfield. 

2. He's painting the fences white. Answer: You should know this one, Tom Sawyer. 

3. The Others is a film adaptation of what novela? Answer: Turn of the Screw. Easy Peasy. 

4. He tears out this man's eye in King Lear. Answer: Duke of Cornwall and Duke of Gloucester. 

"Damn!" Mitchel laughed as he watched Nicole shovel salad into her mouth in between answers. 

"Double this round!" Nicole laughed as little bits of salad spilled from her mouth. 

"Pure class, girl." Joel clasped her shoulder. 

She successfully answered each question, and Kaylee went to turn in their answers. 

Josh decided to fill the silence with a question, "You going to go see your friends' gig in a couple of weeks. Joel was telling us about it. I live right by there, thinking I might stop by."

"What gig?" Nicole asked.

"Matt didn't tell you?"

Nicole shook her head. 

"Remember Brian and Scotty's band."

Kaylee returned to the table, and chimed in. "She remembers Scott intimately."

Joel turned sharply to his fiancé and gave her a warning look. 

"We never fucked, but since you're so obsessed with my love life, he loves to lick pussy."

"Nicole!" Joel turned his attention away from Kaylee. 

Mitchel stifled a laugh and JC stared at her slack jawed. 

Joel continued, "They are calling it quits. Brian is doing his medical residency or whatever in Atlanta."

"Good for him. His wife going too?" Nicole asked.

"Yeah. They are doing a show at the Troubadour in a few weeks. Asked us to come play some songs with them. You know, how they do some of our old stuff. I think we're gonna do it. We're rusty, but it will be fun. So, I think you have to be there."

"Hard pass." Nicole turned her focus back to her salad. 

"Nic, c'mon." Joel urged. 

"Nope. I'm sure you'll have a good time, and you guys will be great, and I'll hear all about it. Look, it's time for the next round. Music," she tossed the paper and pen at Mitchel. "Mr. President, this sounds like a round for you."

"I knew Matt wasn't going to say anything to you. This is dumb. C'mon, Nic, just come."

"No, thank you." She watched as Joel opened his mouth to speak again. She interrupted before he could begin, "I love ya, but I am done talking about this." 

****

The team started off strong, but fizzled out when the category turned to Emmy Award winners. No one in the group seemed to watch that much current television. Joel and Kaylee were the first to leave, but Nicole, Josh and Mitchel were finishing their third round of drinks. 

"How do you guys know each other?" Nicole asked JC. 

"Grew up together in Maryland. Near DC." He replied. 

"Nice of you to do this gig for him."

"No biggie." JC shrugged.

Nicole took a final pull from her pint glass. "Well," she yawned. "I'm gonna close out the tab. I'll be back." 

"You don't have to pay," JC reached for his wallet. 

Nicole stood, reached over the table and clasped JC arm, "Please, stop. It's my pleasure," then turned and walked inside. 

JC and Mitchel finished their drinks while she settled the tab, then rose to meet her as she returned to the table. 

"Shall we get out of here?" Nicole smiled.

Nicole led the way out of the bar, the two men close behind. When she stepped outside, she reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She shook them a few times until the butt of a cigarette peaked its way out of the soft pack. Then reached back into her purse for a lighter. She lit it and took a drag. She turned away from them to exhale. "Well, It was a really nice meeting you guys. I hope you had more fun tonight than last night." She laughed softly and allowed her gaze to drop toward her feet. She moved the cigarette back to her mouth and took another drag. 

"How are you getting home?" JC asked. 

"Walking." She smiled. 

"You want company?"

"No, it's fine. I'm going in the opposite direction." Again she took another puff. 

"I can't let you walk alone. Especially after last night. Mitchel, you can head back. I'm going to walk her."

Mitchel smiled to himself, stepped closer to Nicole and opened his arm. "It was nice meeting you," he told her as she walked into his embrace. "Stay safe, okay?" He looked at her, much like a father would look at their child. 

"Yeah. But you guys know, I don't need saving all the time. Josh, you don't need to walk me," she smiled. 

"Well, I could use the exercise."

Nicole nodded and started down the street, JC behind her, while Mitchel walked back to the hotel in the opposite direction. 

"You know those things will kill you," JC warned as Nicole continued to smoke.

"Eh, I'm not that lucky." 

JC paused at the odd response. Nicole did not notice him fall behind her until a few steps later, and she turned around to check on what had stalled his progress. 

"That's morbid!" He called out.

"I'm reckless! Haven't you figured that out yet?" she smirked, stared straight at him and  took an exaggerated puff from her cigarette. 

JC held her gaze and walked directly toward her. He had conviction about his movements. He was mere inches away from her, looking down at her with the cigarette still between her lips. He slowly raised his arm, pulled the cigarette from her lips, and still holding her gaze replied, "Good thing you have me here to save you." He waited a beat before he flicked the cigarette out into the street, turned sharply, and continued his walk in the direction they had been headed. 

Nicole was slightly paralyzed. She wasn't sure if she should be mad, or turned on. Those eyes were pools of intense blue. He was so close to her that she could smell him. It was a clean but masculine scent that added to his dominance at that moment. Was he flirting? He just might be. Why did he send Mitchel back to the hotel and walk her home by himself? He was totally flirting. Right? 

"Where am I going?" He called back to her, breaking her out of the spiral of "what if" thoughts swimming around in her mind. 

She quickened her pace to catch up with him, and they fell into step. She remained quiet. Not sure what she should talk about. It was the first time all night that there was a lull in the conversation. Which she immediately started to obsess about. They had gone two blocks without speaking, and now she was starting to fret about the awkward silence. She just blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. 

"So, were you serious about checking out Joel and Matt at the Troubadour?"

He shrugged in response. 

"I mean, you said you were going to; Joel's gonna expect fans!" She giggled in spite of herself. 

"I live near there. It's not out of the realm of possibility. Better question, why aren't you going to be there? Those are your friends."

She thought about how to respond to that question for a few steps. There were plenty of reasons she didn't want to go, but none worth discussing. "Eh, I don't like living in the past as much as they do." 

"I see." He didn't look at her.

"What do you see?" She laughed.

"Demons from the past? Let me think." He stopped her from walking, put both hands on her shoulders and stared down at her. "What is it? A dream unfulfilled. No. A man. An ex? Someone's broken heart? Who's there you don't want to see?" 

"You don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about." She broke from his grip and started walking. 

JC laughed out loud from behind her and again started to follow her as she continued down the street. "I struck a chord!  Is it Pussy Licker? Scott?" 

She raised her middle finger and aimed it at him back behind her. He laughed some more. He caught up to her as she waited for the light to change on the corner. He stopped right behind her, a little too closely. She didn't seem to mind. 

They walked the final three blocks in silence. When they reached her apartment complex, she turned and thanked him for making sure she got home safely. She came close to asking him to come in, but thought better of it.

"Thanks for dinner. Trivia was fun. Hopefully you change your mind about the Troubadour in a few weeks, and I'll see you there," he said and flashed a charming smile. 

"Yeah, we'll see." Nicole mumbled. 

They hugged, and then he stood waiting for her to enter the security door of the building. Once safely inside he waved, turned and headed back down the street.

 Nicole sat on a barstool, leaning against the cool concrete countertop in Matt and Candace's kitchen. Candace was pouring both herself and Nicole a third glass of champagne. She tossed the empty bottle into the recycle container at the opposite end of the counter. She pulled out another bottle. She called out to Matt to come and open it. He did so effortlessly, and Candace topped off their glasses. Nicole hated to drive, and she knew she was going to drink, so she decided to hitch a ride to the Troubadour with Matt and his wife. 

"So, what made you change your mind?" Candace asked her.

Nicole wasn't sure how to answer that. She didn't really want to go. As the date got closer, she couldn't help but think about Josh. When he had walked her home three weeks before, he had said he was going to be there. She never confirmed. She hadn't even talked to him since that night. A little piece of her hoped he'd show up, and while she didn't want to admit to herself, let alone to anyone else, she was sorta going because she was hoping he'd go too. Or, she at least was curious about whether he'd show up.  "I don't know," she mumbled. "Guess I won't hear the end of it if I don't go." She took a long swallow of the bubbly beverage.

"It's okay to miss him." Candace told her. "This kind of stuff is always supposed to hurt. I mean, he--"

Nicole cut her off, "He's been dead six years. It doesn't hurt. I don't need to miss him. I don't need to take rides in the way back machine and do the things we used to do, and reflect on shit from a whole other lifetime ago. Matt likes to do that shit. Joel is sentimental as fuck, he lives for that emotional shit, that's why he's marrying Kaylee. He likes that rollercoaster of emotion. Man, I just want to live in the here and now, and not think about all that other shit no one can change." She finished her glass, and pushed it toward Candace for a refill. 

"Then maybe you should start living in the present. You stalled out, girl." Matt called from the other room.

"That's you guys. You guys go to cemeteries, and visit with Viv, and have memorial concerts, and fucking celebrate birthdays. I lived." She called back.

Matt rejoined the ladies in the kitchen. He took the champagne from Candace and poured more into Nicole's glass. "Ignoring and moving on are two very different things."

"Hey, I'm going, aren't I?"

The three arrived at the Troubadour at 8:00 exactly. Nicole found their punctuality an appropriate sign of their old age. When they entered, the space was more crowded than she expected. She immediately took the stairs, two at a time, and went straight to the loft area bar. She leaned against the bar top, waiting to be served, when she heard her name called out behind her. She turned to see a familiar face.

"Scott!" she called back. 

She smiled and walked toward him. He was standing with a very blonde, very beautiful girl. She had on tight leather pants, and a plain white shirt that Nicole was sure she purchased from the kids section at Target. She looked good though. She hugged him, and quickly introduced herself to his date. Her name was Megan. They were married three years ago and just had a baby six months ago. Nicole made a mental note of how unbelievably put together Megan appeared for being a new mom, and decided she would immediately start running more. Scott informed her that they had a reserved section at the other side of the balcony, and led her to their already congregated group. Immediately she noticed Joel and Kaylee who were seated at one of the tables. 

Scott introduced her, "Hey guys, this is Nicole. This was Jay's girl." He laughed a little with nostalgia. Joel cringed and made a gesture of apology with his hands, while a few of the faces seated around him smiled in remembrance. The group moved a bit to make room, and she took a seat next to Kaylee.

The volume of the group increased in size over the next 45 minutes. The first band, The Minutemen, were a local ska band, and while they were on the bill as the early performers, they brought in a rather large crowd. Nicole skimmed the downstairs area, hoping to catch sight of a familiar face. She tried to crane her neck to look towards the door, but she didn't get a clear line of sight. She excused herself from the table and headed downstairs. She walked to the entrance, told the bouncer she was going to step out to smoke a cigarette, and he waved her by. 

She walked a few paces away from the entrance, and pulled her pack of cigarettes from her purse, tapped one out, lit it, then swapped the pack and lighter for her phone in her bag. She opened the text app, and shot off a text:

Matty D, Joel: Outside smoking. FYI

She waited for a few seconds, but no reply. She closed the text app and busied herself scrolling through Instagram. She struggled to concentrate on the scrolling images, and decided to move on to the Woody Block game. She took a final drag from her cigarette and tossed it to the floor, just as her phone vibrated in her hand, and she noticed the text notification:

Josh: Those things will kill ya!

Nicole immediately looked up and scanned the vicinity. Back near the door, she saw Josh, in a black jacket, an orange trucker hat, and a pair of Ray-Ban eyeglasses. He had a decent amount of graying facial hair sprouting about his chin, and he looked slightly less unkempt compared to the last time she saw him, but the glasses framed his face nicely. She thought he had gotten a haircut, but upon further investigation, it was just tied back into a low bun that peaked out just under the strap on the back of his hat. She walked over to him quickly. 

"I didn't think you were serious about coming to this."

"Am I too late?"

"No." She smiled. "Everyone is inside. Our friends' band performs in a few minutes. I think Matt and Joel will join them at the end of the set."

He followed her into the bar, and she headed directly up the stairs where she had previously left everyone. 

She stopped at the bar on the way up. "You want something to drink?" she asked him as she shimmied her way through the small crowd gathered around the bar. 

He pressed his way through as well and sidled up next to her. "Yeah, but my treat this time." He smiled. 

They ordered beers with the bartender, and took their drinks to the other side of the loft. Matt and Joel saw her walking up with him, and immediately Joel stood up and walked over to shake his hand. It took Matt a minute to realize who he was and then walked over to join them.

"Damn, you were serious!" Joel laughed. 

"I don't think I realize you guys still talked?" Matt asked. 

"We don't," Nicole laughed. 

"I live near here. Joel mentioned it a few weeks ago when we had dinner and did the trivia thing. I told him I'd come check you guys out on your reunion tour," JC laughed. 

Matt called Candace over. As she approached, he wrapped his arm around her and turned her to face JC. "Hey babe, come meet Josh. He and his friend rescued Nicole from the bar a few weeks ago."

Candace smiled brightly and reached her hand out to shake his, but before she could grip his waiting had, recognition set it. "You're Josh?" She asked, slightly confused. 

He nodded, extending his hand closer to her. 

"You're JC. Right? JC Chasez!" She smiled and blushed.

"J is for Josh, C for... you know" He explained uncomfortably and dropped his hand to his side. 

"Oh shit!  You helped NIcole?" She laughed and looked at Nicole. "Do you know who this is?" 

"Candy, shut up," Nicole warned.  She turned to JC, "We were drinking before we got here," she offered as an explanation for the awkwardness of the moment. 

"It's fine," He shrugged it off. "It's nice to meet you, Candy."

"Holy Shit. Nicole, it's JC from the *NSYNC."

"Candy, I know. Shut up." Nicole reached her hand up and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Matt!" She sighed. 

Not sure what was happening, Matt pulled his wife aside. Nicole turned to Josh. "I'm so sorry about that." 

JC smiled, "It's fine. Occupational hazard. He took a sip of his drink.  "I'm just happy when they don't scream."

"You wanna sit over here," Nicole pointed to empty seats at the far end of the group's area. Or do you want to go stand somewhere else?

"We can sit." 

They sat in silence as the band on stage finished their last song. The lights came up slightly. JC wasn't saying anything. 

Struggling to fill the awkward silence, Nicole repeated her earlier sentiment. "I still can't believe you're here. Like you remembered." The second it came out of her mouth, she wished she could suck it back in. Did she really sound that desperate?

He remained silent. Nicole looked around. Joel and Matt caught her eye as she watched them follow Scott and the rest of the band down the stairs. She thought maybe it was a good excuse to get up and say something to them. Anything to fill the silence. 

"Did you know me?" He finally asked her awkwardly.

"What?"

"Did you know, like, who I am? What I do?"

"Kaylee told me at trivia," she explained. 

"You didn't say anything?"

"No?"  

JC said nothing. Again, the silence was a killer. Nicole put the beer up to her lips and took a long sip. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, his hat was pulled down low and she couldn't get a read. She felt like she was in trouble. She felt a bit like a liar. She finished her drink, and turned to face him. He did not respond. She reached into her bag. She figured she'd smoke another cigarette. It would give her something to do, and would allow him to leave without being too awkward. JC lifted his drink and drained what was left. He set it down quickly and turned to Nicole. She held her breath. She was so inexplicably nervous. 

"You want another drink?" he asked her with a slight smile. 

She looked at him slack jawed. "Fuck! I thought I was in trouble. Jesus Christ." She slapped his arm playfully.

He chuckled in response and stood up. Nicole tried to follow, but he placed his hand on her shoulder to keep her seated and headed off in the direction of the bar. Immediately, Candace took JC's empty seat. 

"Nicole, JC Fucking Chasez!" 

"Candy, for fuck sake. Shut up."

"Are you guys hooking up?"

"No!"

"You've been talking all this time."

"No."

"He's just randomly here?"

"No."

"What is happening here?"

"He knew about the show and came out to see it. He told Joel he would come out."

"It all makes sense now."

"What makes sense?"

"The change of heart." Candace laughed loudly. 

Her glee was short-lived. Candace and Nicole were joined by an older woman. Her graying blond hair was long and frizzed into soft voluminous ringlets. She wore a gray caftan and her bangle bracelets announced her arrival. Candace thought about sweeping the woman into a hug and changing her trajectory, but it was too late. The woman's eyes were locked on Nicole. 

"My sweet girl!" She announced loudly. 

Nicole recognized her voice immediately, and turned sharply. They made eye contact and Nicole paled, she felt a slight sweat tickle the back of her neck, and she stood Slowly. "Viv," she said with a forced smile. 

Vivian wrapped her into a hug and immediately tears welled in her eyes. "My girl, My girl! It has been too long. How is my only daughter?" 

Nicole did not respond. She stiffened under Vivian's embrace. After a beat, Vivian released her, and repositioned her hands on either side of Nicole's face.

"I miss this face. So many memories. Good memories. I talk to Jason every day. I tell him how I miss this face."

JC returned with two beers, awkwardly smiling at the affectionate moment he had walked in on. It took a moment to register Nicole's discomfort. 

"Viv, Viv," Candace grabbed the woman's arm to redirect her attention. "Here we have this seat for you. Sit, they will probably play soon."

Vivian slid her hands to the top of Nicole's shoulders. "Seeing you again. You make my heart feel almost whole. Why don't you ever come to see me? I need to see that face more often. It's all I have left of him." She smiled widely, then released Nicole.

Nicole grabbed her purse from her chair and headed straight for the stairs. She felt slightly weak, and the edges of her field of vision began to blur. She felt like she was peering through a tunnel. She made it to the stairs and gripped the rail as she descended them. She was trying to focus her vision and she felt her chest become very hot, and the heat began to radiate up her neck. She weaved through the small crowd on the ground level and headed straight for the door. Once outside, she felt like she was going to be sick. She turned left and walked a few paces down the street before heading to the curb. She heaved and coughed, but nothing came out. She hadn't quite realized, but tears began to well in her eyes as she heaved again. She concentrated on her breathing. In through her mouth, out through her nose. When she was sure she was done, she stood up straight and stepped up onto the sidewalk. JC came rushing over to her. 

"Nicole. Are you okay?" JC asked, walking toward her. 

Completely embarrassed by her current physical and mental state, she sighed and turned away from him. The tears were threatening to spill, and she blinked several times before she realized it was futile.  

"I got my car, it's right over there," he pointed across the street, "we can get out of here."

Nicole turned back to face him. Wiped at her cheeks below her eyes. Hoisted her purse onto her shoulder and willed her tears to stop. She took a deep quick breath, wiped at her nose and started walking toward him. He turned and led her to the corner, where they crossed the street and found his black Mercedes E-Class parked in the back of a public parking lot. He held the passenger door open for her and she got in. He jogged around the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. He started the car and put it in gear. He glanced over at her. She had regained the color in her face. Her tears had stopped, but she was quiet. 

"Um. It's been a while since I've, you know, had to deal with crying girls." he laughed awkwardly, hoping it would break the ice. "So, I'm not sure where we should go."

Sufficiently embarrassed, Nicole sucked in a quick laugh in response. 

"I mean, usually when girls cry around me, it's because they are madly in love with me." He winked at her.

Nicole rolled her eyes in response. 

"You, on the other hand, look genuinely upset. When I'm upset, there is only one place I like to go..." He patted his stomach, "Astro Burger!" he said with a smile. And the car purred out of the parking lot, as JC took a quick right onto Santa Monica blvd.

They entered the Astro Burger parking lot and JC immediately zipped his car into the drive-through. He ordered a couple of burgers, and drinks, then parked his car at the empty end of the parking lot. He handed her a burger and she unwrapped it carefully. JC, did not take as much precaution. He unwrapped the burger completely and in a few bites half of the sandwich was gone. 

He chewed quickly, and in between bites, mouth still slightly full, turned to her and said, "So, Spill!"

She gave him a quizzical look and took a small bite of her burger. Then reached into the bag to pull out a few french fries. 

Unaccepting of her silence, he asked, "Was that your mother or something?"

"No."

"Hey, man. I have no skin in the game. I'm a safe space. Whatever that was all about back there, you can't keep that shit in."

"She's not my mom. My parents are dead."

"Sorry," JC took two more bites and his burger was done. He crumpled the wrapper and tossed it back into the bag. 

"She's my. I mean, I don't know what you call her. My mother-in-law?"

"You're married?" JC said, taken aback. All of Nicole's behavior would suggest she was single. 

"No."

JC did not say anything, but prompted her to elaborate via a stern look.

"What do you call a dead fiancé? Ex?"

He knitted his eyebrows together in response. 

"I was almost married. Like a few years ago. That's his mom. I haven't seen her in a while. She's a lot to handle."

"Go on."

"That's it." 

"No."

"I mean, yeah. It is." She laughed a little. 

"Your dead fiancé's mother just randomly shows up to bars to watch punk rock shows?"

"He was in the band with Joel and Matt. I mean, that's how we all knew each other. I've known Joel my entire life. When we were kids, the three of them started a band. They had an okay run. Some small little local tours and things. They haven't performed since Jason died." she paused, thinking how rarely it was she actually said his name. "So I guess Matt or Joel let her know they were performing. They still talk to her. I don't. I told you, she's a lot to handle."

"How'd he die?"

"Car accident."

JC turned sharply at her. 

She wasn't sure why, but the words kept coming out. "We were on the freeway. A car drifted over. I tried to stop, but it came over too fast, clipped us." She turned to look at JC, who was studying her face. "Apparently you're supposed to turn into the spin." Nicole shrugged and spiraled her hand out in front of her, mimicking the motions of a steering wheel. "That's not on the driving test." Nicole didn't really have an appetite to begin with, but now it was gone. She wrapped up the rest of her burger and placed it in the bag. She turned and looked out the passenger window.

Not sure what to say next, JC stayed quiet. He watched the headlights of passing cars light up her face. She remained motionless. Finally, JC mumbled, "It's not your fault."

"Yeah." She nodded, still looking away from him. "It's just hard." Silence. "You know, to see her." 

JC nodded. "It's hard... when you haven't forgiven yourself yet."

She finally turned to look at him. "Look. I don't blame myself, you know."

"I didn't say you did." 

Again, the words just kept spilling out. "You know, I don't need to talk about him all the time. I don't need to sit around and light a fucking prayer candle and surround myself with pictures and all that shit, and reminisce. You know?" 

She looked at JC, but he didn't respond.

"They like to get together and talk about ‘oh that one time...' ‘Remember when we all...' ‘Remember that night when...' ‘He loved that song...' Or, ‘That was his favorite whatever...' You know?"

"Sometimes, I guess, people like remembering those things. It's like those flashes take you back to that time when you felt good, and you were with that person. But, I mean, I get that that might not be--"

She interrupted his thought. "You know what I remember. The tilt of his head. He was looking at me. And his jaw was resting on his chest because it wasn't completely attached to his face anymore. And the smell of gasoline. And, the red wetness of his blood. That's the memory burned into my mind." She turned her attention back to the passenger window. 

She maintained her gaze away from JC, but he could see the increase in her blinking. He reached over and gripped her shoulder. Startled, she turned toward him and swatted his hand away. She wiped at her eyes, took two deep breaths, and again turned her gaze out the passenger window.

Josh: I'm getting out of here in an hour. You want to get food or something?

Nicole: I cooked. Eating now. You wanna just come by? There's enough.  We can go grab a drink or something after.

Josh: What did you make?

Nicole: picky

Josh: Why are you eating so early??

Nicole:  Chilaquiles 

Nicole: 710 seems like a reasonable time for dinner. 

Nicole: I don't keep rockstar hours. 

Nicole scooped a spoon full of food onto her plate, doused the whole thing in salsa, and carried it over to the coffee table in the living room. It had been a busy day, and she was excited to see Josh again. She hadn't seen him in almost two months, since the night at the Troubadour, but they had exchanged almost daily text messages. He was back in Long Beach, at a nearby recording studio. She wasn't sure what he was working on, or who he was working with, all she knew was that he was excited about the recording space. In their text exchanges, he had alluded to feeling uninspired lately, and was looking forward to a change of scenery. 

Nicole ate slowly as she flipped through the channels on her TV. Nothing seemed to hold her attention, so after her meal she played music as she tidied her kitchen. She left the kitchen and pulled a stack of papers out of a bookbag she had flung onto the armchair in her living room, and took a seat on the couch. She figured, she'd occupy herself with grading papers, until Josh came over. She finished that stack, and went back for a second stack before she realized the time. He had said he was leaving in about an hour, but that was three hours ago. Should she text him? He was working, after all, and maybe he was finally hit by a stroke of inspiration. She didn't want to interrupt, but she also didn't want to be up all night waiting for someone who was never going to come by. She reached and grabbed her phone off of the coffee table.

Nicole: Hey how's it going there? Getting stuff done?

Josh: Sorry I got stuck on something and I guess I lost track of time. I can try to wrap things up soon.

Josh: I could definitely use a drink.

Nicole: No worries. Work comes first. Just trying to stay awake hahahaha

Josh: No don't go to sleep. I'll wrap up soon. Go for a walk or something

Josh: Actually, walk here. The studio isn't far from you. Then we can grab a drink, and I'll take you home before you turn into a pumpkin. 

Nicole slipped her feet into a pair of sneakers and pulled on a calf-length, thin gray sweater before she headed out the door. The studio was close by. She had probably walked past it a hundred times. At first glance, it appeared to be an apartment building with a metal door. As she got closer, she noticed a plaque near the call box commemorating the studio's history of recording artists. She pulled out her phone and read Josh's text message with the lock code. She punched in the numbers and the door buzzed. She entered into a dark foyer. There was a red couch and electric blue armchairs placed around a shiny, white, lacquered table. Josh's directions only told her how to unlock the door, not where to go after. She wandered down one hallway. No lights were on, and the line of three closed doors gave her the impression that this was not where she was supposed to be. She turned back quickly and reentered the foyer, thinking lightheartedly that she had just stepped into the opening scene of a horror movie. She noticed a set of stairs that led to what seemed to be a loft. She took the stairs slowly and as she reached the landing she noticed another hallway with a set of similar doors. One door was open halfway, and a soft yellow light was pouring through the opening. She walked to the door and knocked lightly as she entered. A bald man with a long goatee turned and smiled, which prompted her to enter the room, but she remained silent. 

The room was covered in a light wood paneling, and oriental rugs layered on top of each covered the entire floor. There was a lumpy brown leather couch against the wall next to the door. The walls to the left and right of the door had sets of speakers built into them, no sound was coming through them, but she could hear the hum of the electricity. The bald man sat in front of a board that contained a million dials and switches. There were computer screens that sat on both sides of a window opening. The window contained very thick glass, through which she could see another room, decorated similarly, but with more instruments and less furniture. She saw JC seated on a swivel stool banging away on a keyboard. She saw him direct his attention to a small tray, where she watched him scribbling something down on a notepad. 

The man at the board pressed a button, and announced to JC, "Your friend is here. I'm gonna take off. Back again tomorrow, yeah?"

Through the speakers in the wall, she heard him reply, "Yeah, Yeah, man, see you tomorrow. Thank you for everything today." 

The man turned in his chair to face Nicole. "You can get into the studio through the next door. He's just fucking around." He stood up and pulled his phone from his back pocket, checked a few things, and exited the room. 

Nicole walked closer to the board and peered through the window. She could see JC still writing something down on the notepad. He turned his head and noted her appearance through the glass. He smiled at her and told her to come in. His voice rang through the speakers in the room. She exited the control room, and once in the hallway, she could hear him play a few notes on the keyboard. She opened the neighboring door and the notes became clearer. She took a few steps in and heard a crescendo of notes played all at once. It was startling, and she noticed as she had entered the room completely that JC had slammed all of his fingers down on various keys. 

"Is that how the song goes?" she laughed and called out. 

"For now it does," he answered. "It's just been one of those days." He tried to smile but failed. 

Nicole noticed his tired appearance. His eyes were dark compared to the bright blue she remembered. Dark puffy circles hung under his lower lids. His face was covered by thick stubble that was graying in places.  His long hair was tied back into a small ponytail at the back of his neck and covered by a bright orange trucker hat. He had on a denim button down shirt that fastened all the way to the top button under his chin. One sleeve was rolled up, and the other was down. He looked as if he had just rolled out of bed and put a hat on.

"Rough day, huh?" she asked him.

"I've been working on this damn song for weeks, and it just won't come out. It's like picking at a knot in a string, and you think you have it loose, but really, when you pull, all you do is make it worse." 

Nicole smiled awkwardly in response. 

"Story of my life lately. I think I'm doing what I should be doing, and everything goes to shit," JC continued.

"I can't imagine anything in your life is shit."

"This song is shit. My writing is shit. The movie we are now not making because it's shit, is shit."

"First world problems, man!" Nicole laughed, but quickly stopped when she realized her joke did not land. She choked back the rest of her laugh and stiffened awkwardly. 

"Sorry." He reached a hand out toward her, opening and closing his fist, motioning for her to come closer. "I'm just not feeling it today." She walked toward him and put out a hand. He grabbed it, stood up and pulled her into a hug. Their height discrepancy allowed him to rest his chin on the top of her head. "Let's get out of here. I need a drink." 

JC shut down the electronics in the studio and turned off the lights. Together they descended the stairs and exited the building. He had mentioned going to a whiskey bar called The Stave that he had seen earlier in the day. Nicole knew the one, and led them down the street and in the appropriate direction. The bar was slightly upscale with lots of leather and dark 1920s Art Deco style finishes. Nicole entered the bar, where she greeted the woman behind the counter with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. JC commented on her popularity in bars. Nicole brushed it off and ordered champagne, while JC ordered some kind of fancy whiskey. Nicole then led them to the outdoor patio, where there were two fire pits with plenty of seating. Once seated, Nicole handed her glass to JC and used her newly free hands to dig in her purse for a cigarette. As she raised the cigarette to her mouth, she caught JC's glare. She shrugged and lit the cigarette anyway. She reached back over and reclaimed her drink. 

"So, what kind of song are you working on anyway?" She asked him.

"I don't know."

"You making a record, or just fucking around?"

"I don't know."

"Is your group getting back together?"

"I seem to be answering that question a lot lately," he chuckled slightly. "No, we aren't."

"So you're all fucked up about a song that you can't seem to write for a reason that doesn't exist?"

"I'm not fucked up about."

She eyed him critically as she took in a drag from her cigarette and blew out the smoke in the opposite direction.  

"Okay, I'm a little fucked up about," he laughed. 

"I have no skin in the game" she mocked. "Spill."

"Just a little lost, I guess. You know, I thought I'd be..." He stopped mid-sentence as his gaze caught something over Nicole's shoulder. He shifted uncomfortably and reached for the brim of his hat, trying to pull it down lower. 

Nicole followed his gaze behind her and turned as two women approached them. 

"You're JC, right. Oh my god!" One of the women said, trying to stifle her obvious enthusiasm. 

JC stood and smiled. He stuck out his hand to shake hers. "Yeah. I am. Hi nice to meet you." 

"I'm Melinda, this Charlie." She smiled and shook his outstretched hand. "Do you think we can get a picture with you?" She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and set her drink on the ledge surrounding the fire pit."

"Yeah, honey, of course." He took the phone and looked at Nicole, who obliged. JC positioned himself between Melinda and Charlie while Nicole, cigarette hanging between her lips, counted down from three and snapped the photo. 

JC hugged both girls and sat back down. 

Before the girls walked away, Charlie finally spoke. "We saw a video of Coachella. Does that mean you guys are getting back together?" 

JC glanced quickly at Nicole, as a way to reinforce his earlier complaint. "Oh no, no. It was just for fun." 

The girls thanked him again and walked back to the opposite side of the patio. 

Nicole smirked and took a final drag of her cigarette before tamping it out in a glass ashtray. "Seems like a purpose to write a song to me."

"I'm just that one guy from *NSYNC, man. I'm not THE guy!" He laughed a little. "That's not a purpose. I just thought you know I could do my own thing. I love writing. I love producing, but I can't even do that lately." 

Nicole thought better of responding. She wasn't sure what she would say anyway, so she just held his gaze and took a sip of her drink.

Josh continued, "For a long time, I thought this is what I'm supposed to do. I've been doing it. Writing. Working with artists. Producing stuff I like. Stuff I feel good about. I got a publishing deal a few months ago. I wrote all this stuff. Great. Experimental. Fresh. No one wants it. But I..." JC stopped mid-sentence and occupied his attention on the flames of the fire pit. Nicole allowed the silence to hang in the air. "But somewhere along the way I just... lost it"

  "What do you mean, lost it?" Nicole finally felt compelled to speak up. 

"I don't know. I used to feel... Like, okay, this is it. I got this. I'm doin' what I love, and I'm good at it. I think I was happy. And now I feel..." JC took a while to finish his thought. He wasn't sure how to finish it. He took a small sip of his drink and stared at the brown alcoholic swirls playing around the large round ice cube. He took another longer drink and almost emptied the glass. And then it came to him, very suddenly and all at once. He knew why it was hard to finish his statement. It was because, "Now I feel absolutely nothing." He laughed a little after he verbalized it. It seems so obvious now. He looked to Nicole for some kind of response. When it didn't come, he smirked slightly and said, "First world problems, right?"

She shook her head. "I get it. But feeling nothing is better than fucking feeling all the things," she offered back. 

"Building walls, Nicole." He stood up suddenly, empty glass in hand. He reached for Nicole's now empty glass. "Another one?"

"Pot calling the kettle black aren't we?" She handed him her glass. 

"That's the problem. Feeling nothing. That's not living. That's numb."

"Comfortably numb," she quipped.

He shook his head. "In my experience, feeling nothing is worse than feeling all the things." He leaned down closer to her. "At least you know there's something, you know, there." He reached out and tapped two fingers on her chest over her heart. 

She responded with a roll of her eyes. 

"Be careful. They will get stuck up there," he smiled and walked back into the bar for a second round. 

***

After two more rounds, they decided to call it a night. They walked back to Nicole's apartment, and she forced him to come in. He wasn't really in a place to drive anyway. Her apartment was small but cozy. Pictures, art, and sports memorabilia covered almost every inch of the walls. JC's eyes were drawn immediately to a series of medals hanging in the entryway. Fifteen LA Marathon finisher medals hung from a silver rack that said "Girls Do it Better." It was a gift from her students. She explained to him that she runs the LA marathon annually with 40 students from her school. He passed the kitchen and noticed a prominent chalkboard wall with notes scribbled on it from floor to ceiling. The living room was large and open, with a window and balcony with a view of Downtown Long Beach's city lights. The walls were covered in art, none of which matched. JC spent time looking at each framed picture. The collection was full of photographs, paintings and drawings from talented former students, and photos she had taken or something interesting she collected from local artists in various cities she had travelled to. She had travelled to every continent, including Antarctica (and she had the pictures of penguins to prove it). JC was impressed. His eyes were eventually drawn to two guitars sitting in stands in the corner of the room. 

He gently fingered the strings on the acoustic guitar. "May I?" He asked her. 

"Sure." 

"I thought you didn't play music?" He smiled at her. 

"I don't. I mean, I can do a couple of notes, but I don't play. They aren't mine."

"Matt's?" He picked up the guitar and held it ready to play.

"No, Jason's."

JC immediately put the guitar back on the stand and took a step back. 

She laughed out loud. "It's fine! You can play it."

He looked at her questioningly, and tentatively picked it up again. "Yeah?"

Nicole patted her chest lightly, "No heart, remember." She turned quickly and headed for the kitchen. "You want some water?"

"Yeah, thanks." He replied as he took the guitar and sat with it on the ottoman. He strummed the guitar a few times, tuning it slightly. He eyed Nicole through the cut-out in the wall between the kitchen and the living room. She was busying herself pulling glasses down from a shelf. He played a few familiar chords, and softly sang, "Hello, Hello, Helloooo. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?" 

Nicole turned sharply. "So Funny!" 

He confidently continued when he noticed her smirk. He continued playing and sang louder. He didn't take his eyes off of her. She pulled a pitcher of water out of the fridge and filled two glasses. She rolled her eyes when he refused to stop, which prompted him to play even louder. 

...I can't explain you would not understand

This is not how I am

I- I- I- I have become comfortably numb...

He finished the chorus with a flourish on the guitar. He stood up, placed the guitar back in the stand, and took the glass of water from her as she reentered the living room. 

"Don't be a dick." She handed him a glass. 

"I get it, self-preservation." He took a sip of water and continued, "I call them thought spirals. Sometimes it just spirals all the way down." His hand twisted in the air, mimicking a spiral motion.  "All the failures, all the fears, all the insecurities. Right? Just spiraling down into this pit of fucked up."

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre," Nicole replied absently, and took a slight step away from him.

"Things fall apart, the center cannot hold," He smiled and fixed his eyes on Nicole. "Yeats." He raised his eyebrows a few times, impressed with himself. He reached out and grabbed Nicole by the elbow to keep her from walking away. "I know some English teachery stuff too." He continued to lock his gaze on her, but she avoided his eyes. He leaned his face down closer to her, she could feel his breath as he added softly, "You watched the man you were going to marry die. That's a spiral straight into a pit of fucked up that I wouldn't want to go down, either. Comfortably numb is probably a victory." 

She shook her arm out of his grip and moved across the room to the couch and took a seat.

"You work tomorrow?" He asked her, changing the subject. 

"Yeah."

"I better go then, huh?" He looked down at his watch and added, "It's after one." 

"Yeah."

He finished his glass of water in one gulp, placed the empty glass on the coffee table and walked toward the door. 

She got up and followed him. "Thanks for the drinks," she said, and closed the door behind, locking it. She turned in a haze and walked toward her bedroom. She was tired, but she was pretty sure she wouldn't get any sleep. Too many thought spirals.

 JC sat in traffic heading south to Long Beach. He was meeting two of his writing partners to record a track that was finally done, and hopefully flesh out another one. He thought the change of scenery would be nice. It seemed almost futile now, but maybe it was an incentive to write something better than the trash he was producing lately. The songwriting publishing deal with Sony hadn't quite fallen through, but the songs he had presented in the first three months of his contract were not picked up. David Archuletta had passed on a song, along with two up-and-coming acts: Felly and King Princess. Sony was hoping for interest, and so was JC. Sony was willing to give him another shot, and he had a month to bring in new tracks. 

He left the meeting with Sony and headed straight to Long Beach. The paranoia and the insecurity was creeping in. Maybe he wasn't cut out for this after all. You only catch lightning in a bottle once, he thought to himself. He decided to be more grateful for the successes he had already experienced. He shook his head as he began to feel the thoughts spiral. "Just be satisfied," he whispered aloud to no one but himself. "You're lucky this is your career," he admonished. That's it, he thought.  Maybe it was the pressure of the publishing contract that stifled his creativity. He liked things his way, and he liked things perfect. Corporate oversight is a drag, he thought. Maybe he couldn't make music because he was trapped. "Relax, JC. It will come," he continued his train of self-talk. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel, "Jesus Christ! You're spiraling, Man!" He said to himself, but louder. "I gotta get out of my head..."

He drove in silence, but needed a distraction. He thought he might call Nicole, since he would be back in her neighborhood, after all. They hadn't talked in almost two weeks, which was a departure because they had exchanged text messages almost daily for the previous two months. He thought for sure he would call her, and almost asked Siri to make the connection when his thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Jen, his girlfriend's name, flashed across the media console screen. He pushed the button on his steering wheel to answer. 

"Hi babe." He answered.

"Hey! How was your meeting this morning?"

"Oh, you know, the same old stuff." He didn't want to tell the truth. He had talked himself into feeling good about the situation, and he didn't want to risk talking himself back into disappointment. "Heading to that place in Long Beach to record some stuff."

"Will you be home tonight?"

"Yeah, well maybe. It depends on how the session goes. I could be late or early."

"Well, I think I am going to meet up with some girlfriends. I just wanted to see what your plans were."

"Yeah, do that. Sounds like fun. Who?"

"Meg and Ash are in town."

"Meg still thinking about moving out here?"

"Yeah, I am hoping if I show her a good time, she will!" She laughed. Her laugh was perfect, JC thought. So light and carefree. He was jealous. She continued, "Well if you come back early, meet us okay. I love you."

"Yeah, you too. I will," he responded automatically, and the call disconnected. 

***

Nicole spun around in a black leather office chair. As she spun, pieces of the cushion filling came flying out. She was waiting for Joel to finish looking under the hood of her car. She was pretty sure some filters needed to be changed, and felt confident that the front brakes needed to be replaced. She was hoping Joel could fix it with minimal cost. Her chair was halted mid-spin, as Joel caught the back of it and stopped her. 

"What's the good word, my friend?" She laughed. "I'm heading to Mexico City In a few weeks. I need you to cut me a deal."

"Well," Joel wiped his hands on a towel, "just an oil change and a new oil filter. Air filter might be a nice choice as well. I think I can grind down the brake pads, but I don't know, you will only get a couple of months out of them."

"How much?"

"Just parts. Like 50/60."

"Great, Gimme your keys! I gotta run."

Joel reached into his pocket and handed her his keys. "Where you off to?"

"Home." 

"I'll bring your car in the Morning, is that okay?" 

"Yup. You're the best. I left you a sandwich in the front seat."

"Domenick's?"

"Yes, sir," she smiled, turned and headed for Joel's truck. She had a date with a book by her pool, and she was eager to get there. Summer vacation was in full swing.

***

JC played and replayed a short melody on the piano. It was haunting him at this point. It was only a few notes, and he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue but just couldn't get them out. Like the rest of his day, this was a waste. He left the studio and entered the control room. He collapsed into a chair next to Alex, a sound engineer he had worked with before. 

"I think I am done," JC sighed, closing his eyes tightly and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Not feeling it today."

"This melody is killing me. I can't think of anything else, but it won't completely come out either." He stretched his arm and gripped the arm rests of the chair. He turned his torso to the left and to the right, cracking his back. "You can go man, I think I might mess around with some stuff before I take off, but I'm not laying anything down today."

"You sure?" Alex asked. 

"Yeah. Thanks for coming out."

"My pleasure, C. Call me, okay?"

"Yeah," JC stood to shake Alex's hand. He sat back down and looked at his watch. It was 3:30, he had only been working for a couple of hours. He knew this trip was futile. He flipped some switches on the mixing board, and then opened up a file on the computer. The sound of the piano filled the room. It was the few bars he had been playing on the piano on a loop. Each time it cycled through, he flipped another switch to adjust the sound, hoping hearing it differently would make things click. He hummed a long trying to form words "Dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum, every time dum gets so high gets so high. Dum dum." He stopped the song and shook his head. He was losing it. 

He sat back in the chair and leaned it as far back as it could go, locking his fingers behind his head, and closing his eyes. The spiral started. One fleeting insecure thought after the next. The self-doubt. The self-loathing. The anger. 

JC stood up quickly hoping the physical movement would reel him back in. Ground him in the reality of the moment. That's what the therapist says. Ground yourself in reality so you don't spiral. He needed to focus. He felt good about the song. He felt something, anyway. Go with that reality, he told himself. He walked back into the studio, took his position at the piano, and played the same few bars over and over again. He would figure this out. 

****

Nicole stretched out on a lounge chair by the condo complex pool. It was sunny but not as warm as she hoped, she did not care, she was tanning before her Mexico trip if it was the last thing she did. She was reading a trashy crime novel and drinking a white wine spritzer out of her hydro flask. It definitely felt like vacation. She got to a convenient stopping point in the novel and placed the book on the floor. She flipped from her back to her stomach and closed her eyes. She smiled as she thought about her upcoming trip. She had never been to Mexico City before, and was excited to practice her Spanish. She was meeting up with a friend of a friend while she was there, but otherwise was traveling alone and looking forward to it. 

Her mind eventually wandered to other things and ultimately settled on Josh. His two-week absence from her life was disappointing, but she didn't feel a sense of loss. She was more worried that he was angry with her. Should she have asked him to stay longer? Could she have tried harder to not be so awkward? Could she have not gotten so serious? She had attempted to text him numerous times, but never sent the message. She wasn't sure why or what she was so afraid of.  Nicole sat up suddenly and laughed at herself. "Thought spiral," she announced aloud to the empty pool deck. She reached for her book, reclined back and continued to read. She only read a few sentences before she was interrupted by the dinging of her phone. 

Josh: Hey 

Nicole laughed in spite of herself. As if the universe could read her mind. 

Nicole: Hey stranger.

Josh: You around?

Nicole: Pooling

She watched the dots flash on the screen. But No reply came. 

Nicole: Everything good. Are you mad at me?

She hit send and her phone rang in her hands. Startled, Josh's name flashed on the screen. She swiped to answer it. 

"Hello?" She asked into the phone. 

"Hi! It's J-, Josh."

"Oh it is?!" Nicole laughed slightly. 

"I hope this isn't a bad time."

"No. What's up? How have you been?"

"I'm outside."

"You're what?" She asked, surprised. 

"I'm outside your building. That's creepy, isn't it? I was working down the street, and I needed a distraction. So, I went for a walk, and just figured I'd call you. I mean, I know it's been a minute."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay, I'm at the pool. You're like here right now? 

"Yeah. But, you're busy. I can come back. Or I'll go. I'm gonna go." He felt like a prized horse's ass. What was he thinking, being so creepy? Why did he even expect her to be home?

"Oh no. I'll come let you in."

"Actually, one of your neighbors is letting me in right now."  

"Okay, yeah, come to the apartment. I'll run up."

Nicole grabbed her towel, book, and hydro flask, slid her feet into sandals and went charging up the stairs to her floor. She was trying to recall the state of cleanliness in her apartment, and was hoping she could do a once over before he made it in. There was no sign of him yet, so she raced in, relieved to see nothing too out of place. A pile of laundry in a basket, and some shoes scattered about. Unsure what to do, she busied herself in the kitchen rinsing some dishes. 

JC approached her door slowly. He saw that it was open, but didn't feel completely comfortable walking in. He called out and knocked on the door frame. She called him in. He could hear the water running in the sink, so as he entered the apartment he turned to face the kitchen entrance, where he found Nicole stationed at the sink wearing mostly nothing. She turned to say hello, but JC didn't respond. He was not expecting her to be in only an army green bikini. He didn't mind it. He couldn't help himself from allowing his eyes to gaze down her small frame, and back up to rest on her surprisingly full breasts. When Nicole realized why he was staring, she covered herself quickly by holding the towel that was flung over her shoulder across her body. She blushed slightly.

"Hi. Um nice outfit!" Noticing her discomfort, he decided to be funny. "Expecting someone?" He laughed a little. 

Slightly embarrassed, and attempting to reclaim power. She dropped the towel and turned so he could see the front of her. Two can play this game, she thought. "Only you. You like it?" She took a few steps closer to him. 

"I don't know. Take it off; let me get a closer look," He quipped.

"You're an asshole!" She stormed past him and into her bedroom.

"You can't play games with me, honey. I will always win." He called over his shoulder. 

Nicole returned with a gray maxi dress that clung to her figure thrown over her bathing suit, and finished her work on the dishes. 

"Why'd you change?" he laughed at her. 

"Why are you here?" She snapped back. 

"Okay, okay. Sorry. I just, you know, wasn't expecting you to be, you know, looking like that."

"I was at the pool. And answer my question. Why are you here?"

"I was working at that studio down the street."

"No, I mean at my house? I haven't heard from you in weeks!"

"Phone works both ways, you know, Nicole."

"Touché."

"I wanted to text you, but I thought maybe you were mad at me." JC confessed. "I kinda over-stepped."

Nicole dried the cup in her hands and eyed him cautiously. 

"You know, projecting my shit on you," he continued. 

Nicole didn't respond. The silence felt awkward, so she thought her best bet was to change the subject. "So, you were recording here today?"

"No. Not really." He noted Nicole's confused look and continued. "I mean, I didn't record anything. Just messed around. Sony will probably fire me soon. I don't blame them. I haven't finished a song in almost two months." 

"So, why are you at the studio here?"

JC shrugged. He didn't know why he was in Long Beach. It didn't matter what studio he was at, nothing productive was happening at any studio. "I have a nice car. I wanted to drive it more than a few miles to work?" He forced a laugh. Nicole remained silent and eyed him questioningly.  "I don't know. Something different. Inspiration? Turns out I'm the common denominator. I can't write shit no matter where I am." JC smiled awkwardly and leaned back against the kitchen counter across from Nicole. "So.. yeah. That's why I'm here. I was over it, and I figured school was out for you... and... You got anything for me, or are you just going to stare in silence while I babble on."

"I'm not sure this situation is in my wheelhouse." Nicole finally broke her silence. 

"What?"

"I mean I know how to handle break-ups, I can even manage processing a lay-off or a shitty boss, and I totally get friend drama. Oh, and I'm really great with teenagers navigating their relationships with parents. Because, you know, teacher," she pointed both thumbs towards her chest. "But, professional musicians with writer's block, I'm not so familiar with. I mean, I can google it. If, you know, you like, really need someone right now," she smiled and laughed a little. You know what? Hang on," she raised her finger to indicate she would be right with him.  She turned and shouted through the cut-out in the wall into the living room, "Alexa, how do you help a musician with writer's block."

"Writer's block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown. There is a popular song by the musician Jack Jack, called writer's block. Would you like me to play it?

"Yes!" Nicole shouted back. 

"Alexa Stop!" JC interrupted. He picked up the dish rag on the counter and tossed it lightly toward her face.  "I'm pouring my heart out here. C'mon."

Nicole laughed loudly. "I'm s-sorry" she managed to get out between chuckles. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I really want to help you." She composed herself and took a step closer to him. "C'mon, don't pretend like you don't want to laugh. I can see it. Your face is trying to hold it back. C'mon I'm funny." She watched as JC fought back a smile. "You came here for a distraction. I'm distracting you." She reached out both index fingers and pressed them to the corners of his mouth. "Smile, you know you want to," She pushed the corners of his mouth upward, and he swatted her hands away with a grunt. "You're so goddamn serious! Do you ever let yourself have any fun? I mean, that's what music is, right? Letting go. Having fun.  Have some. Maybe you can write something. Get out of your goddamn head."

"I'm not in my head." He defended. "Don't give me side-eye. I'm not... okay, maybe I'm a little in my head." He laughed slightly. 

"Okay. So, let's have some fun! You gotta get out. Live!"

"Okay."

"Okay. Fun!" She clapped her hands slightly. "Let's do it." She walked into the living room, rummaged through her purse, satisfied that everything she needed was there, and headed toward the door. She stopped only when she realized JC wasn't following.  

"Aren't you going to change?" He asked her. 

"Nope!" she turned sharply and headed out the door. This time he followed. 

"Where are we going?" He scampered after her down the hallway of apartment doors. 

"No fucking clue!" She responded over her shoulder. She heard his footsteps stop, and  turned around, "What?"

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Jesus Christ, Josh. That's why it's fun!" She retreated back to him, grabbed him by the shirt sleeve, and led him out of the main entrance to the building.     

JC remained one stride behind Nicole as her flip-flops slapped down the street. She was quite bossy for a small thing. He wasn't sure where they were headed or why he was even there and following her, but it wasn't like he was going to be more productive anywhere else. She halted suddenly on a busy street corner, and he almost slammed, chest first, into her back. She eased out into the street, looked both ways quickly, called over her shoulder, "c'mon, and raced across the street, JC quick on her heels. She strode directly into a yellow building with a red awning labeled "Tommy's Liquor." He almost struggled to keep up with her pace, as she rushed to the back of the small liquor store to the refrigerated cases. 

"Um, what are we doing?" he asked, as she reached into one of the cases. 

"Two-for-one tall boys here. You hungry?" She turned with two large cans of Modelo in her arms.

"We're drinking dinner?"

"No, but are you hungry? I'm starving."

"I can always eat," he laughed. 

"Get ready for the best Mexican food of your life. We're gonna take these next door." She shrugged, showing off the beer now resting in the hinge of her arm. "Merced's. They don't have a liquor license, so ..."

"Huh." JC shook his head and followed her to the cashier. He reached into his back pocket, removed his wallet, and began to pull out a card. 

"This is a cash only establishment. Your AmEx Black card won't work here." Nicole informed him as she counted out five dollars in ones and 57 cents in various denominations of loose change. She handed him one of the beers and promptly exited the liquor store. 

"Classy," he mumbled awkwardly. She dismissively walked ahead of him to the small restaurant next door. "I don't have a black card." he added. "I'm not that pretentious." Nicole didn't respond.  "It's AmEx Gold," he called out to her back as he worked to catch up to her. 

Nicole led him into a small pink building a few steps away. She entered and immediately was greeted by a waitress wearing an oversized Raiders jersey over heather gray leggings. 

"Nicole! Mija!" She chirped excitedly while clearing red plastic baskets from a newly emptied table. She kissed Nicole on the cheek, as she rushed behind the counter and eyed JC conspicuously. 

"Hi Mags"

"¿Quién es este?" Magdalena asked as she eyed JC up and down like a fresh piece of meat.  "Es guapo, pero puedes hacerlo mejor." 

"You speak Spanish?" JC asked, surprised. A slight blush worked down his face, and he shifted uncomfortably under Magdalena's ogling. 

Nicole eyed him questioningly, wondering if he understood Magdalena's backhanded compliment. "No, I don't."

"Aye, yes she does. She will." Magdalena called out as she rushed to wipe down a table.  "Esta noche, solo en español. Hay que practicar."

"I speak, muy malo." Nicole rolled her eyes. 

"Esta loca. Her spanish is fine." 

Nicole led JC to the newly cleaned booth and slid in. "I'm going to Mexico City in a couple of weeks. Mags is making me practice, so I will be ready."

Magdalena returned to their table and set down two frosty glasses. She began to open their beers and poured them. "Guapa," she looked at Nicole, "Serio, quien es este?"

"My friend J-"

"No, no, no, en Español, necesitas practicar," Magdalena interrupted. 

"Este es mi amigo, Josh," Nicole responded fluidly. 

"Solo un amigo?" Magdalena raised one perfectly drawn on, arched eyebrow. 

"Si, Mags. Solo un amigo."

"I don't know much Spanish, but I understand what you're talking about right now, and I'm sitting right here." JC interrupted. 

Magdalena laughed and patted JC on the cheek. She turned back to Nicole, "Mole poblano o Pipian?" 

"Pipian. Tienes pozole verde?"

"Claro!"

"Para compartir, gracias." Nicole smiled and took a long swallow of her beer. 

"Did you just order for me?" JC asked confused. 

Nicole nodded.

"I think I feel emasculated. You bought me beer, judged my credit cards, and now you are talking about me in another language and ordering my food. Are you going to cut it up and feed it to me as well?"

"I was going to chew it up and spit it into your mouth like a mommy and baby bird."

JC scrunched his face, disgusted, but amused and shook his head. 

"Kidding. You really do need to relax. Not everything is so serious all the time. I'm taking you to one of my favorite restaurants and I ordered us my favorite things, and I want to share it with my friend, Josh, who has never had this food before, and has had a shitty day. Also, Mags thinks you're handsome," she winked. 

"How do you know I've never had this food before."

"You've had Pipian?" Nicole asked, eyebrows raised. 

"What's Pianon?" JC asked, shoving a salsa covered chip into his mouth. 

"Exactly! You're going to love it, it's like an orgasm in your mouth!"

Josh choked on his chip. "You're mighty confident."

"I know good food, and I like good sex. I'm an expert in both." 

"Are you flirting with me?" JC asked with a slight smirk.

"Do you want me to be?" Nicole replied. 

Before JC could respond, Magdalena returned to the table with two small steaming hot bowls of soup. "I was just talking about you to my comadre. She wants her son to come and meet you. He's coming from Oaxaca. Maybe you will fall in love, and he will bring you back, and  you can go hike your Latuvi or Amatlan and make love in the waterfalls and whatever other white girl fantasies to have."

"Mags!" 

"He's cute. He runs a hotel there. He'll take you back. You won't have to go alone." Magdalena returned to the kitchen. 

"You're going hiking in Mexico? Alone?" JC asked. 

"No. Well, not really. I'm staying with Mags' friend in Mexico City, and I was thinking about going to Oaxaca too, because it's a UNESCO site, and it's gorgeous, and the food is bomb! But I haven't decided. I just feel like I'll be so close I may as well visit both places"

"Do you know her friend?"

"No. We have talked on the phone. But I have these romantic visions of Mexico City, and her friend wants to put me up, so no better time to go and no better place to stay."

"Mexico City! Really?"

"Have you been?" 

"Yeah. A few times. A few years back, I worked on a movie there. It's smoggy. Why not Cancun or some place nice?"

"I've asked her the same thing, Josh!" Magdalena called from deep within the kitchen.

Nicole rolled her eyes. "Eat your soup."

***

JC refused to allow Nicole to pay for dinner. He forced her outside while he settled the tab. Nicole walked a few steps to the street corner and rummaged through her purse for a cigarette. Not paying attention, she was startled by the thunderous clap of a motorcycle engine, and turned just in time to see the motorcycle pull up onto the sidewalk and ease into a space next to her. She turned suddenly, caught off guard, but smiled when she recognized the leather clad rider. 

"Alex!" She smiled and leaned in for a hug. 

Alex took her helmet off. She was short and stocky, and while she dressed in masculine clothes, her very feminine facial features were obvious and stunning.  Her skin was flawless and her eyes a pale brown and wide. Her full lips cracked a smile, revealing perfectly straight white teeth. She embraced Nicole and then ran her hands through her short hair. "Hey Lady!" She said. "I haven't seen you in a while." 

"The end of the school year is always busy, and I'm leaving town in a couple of weeks, so just trying to get my act together," Nicole responded. 

JC exited the restaurant and saw Nicole talking to who he thought was a man on a bike. His heart dropped slightly, and he chuckled at himself, recognizing the silliness in his pang of jealousy. But the few times he had been out with Nicole, it seemed as though she knew everyone, and that was quite the opposite of his normal going out experiences. He was always the one saying hi, making connections. His relative anonymity when socializing with Nicole was a welcome change. He didn't need to try. He could just be, and that was part of the draw to her, to Long Beach.  He slowly walked up to the two figures talking, and he felt even more ridiculous when he realized Nicole was talking to a woman. He lightly placed his hand on Nicole's back, to signal his presence, and eased in beside her. 

"Alex, this is my friend. Josh." Nicole made introductions. 

Alex placed her helmet under one arm and reached to shake JC's hand with her other. "Friend, Josh? Huh." Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Jesus Christ, is this a comedy routine? Yes, friend Josh, I'll introduce you to the Josh I'm fucking next week!"

JC looked sharply at her. "How many Joshes do you have?" He laughed. He reached out and snatched the freshly lit cigarette now hanging from between her lips and tossed it in the street."

Nicole stared furiously, "That was my last one."

"Good." He returned his attention back to Alex and her motorcycle. "Nice bike."

"This? It's just my street rod. I just got a vintage Heritage Classic a couple of weeks ago. She's gorgeous. Do you ride?"

"Some. I don't have a Harley. Been thinking about it, though." 

"Where are you guys headed now?" Alex asked. 

"Nicole, where are we headed now?" JC asked her absently as he continued to admire Alex's motorcycle. 

Nicole shrugged. "Haven't decided yet." She lightly swatted JC's chest with the back of her hand, "This guy had a bad day, so I figured we'd get out and see where the night takes us." 

Alex turned to JC, "You sure about that, Josh? Nicole has shitty boundaries." Alex laughed.

"I'm beginning to learn that." JC smiled up at Nicole from his now kneeling position on the opposite side of the bike.

"Hey come by. Patrick is over and he and Nikki," Alex turned to JC and added for clarification, "my wife, are probably already drunk on the deck. Josh, I'll show you the new Bike."

JC interrupted Nicole's attempt to decline the offer. "Yeah!" He looked at Nicole for confirmation. She smiled and shrugged in response. "Is your place around here, Alex?" JC asked. 

"Around the corner. I'll see you guys there." Alex started her bike and quickly took off, still on the sidewalk, then down the street and to the left. 

Nicole led JC toward Alex's house. They only managed a few steps, before JC grabbed her elbow lightly to stop her. Nicole turned to face him. "You really got a Josh you're fucking?"

Nicole smiled. "Are you jealous?" she winked, turned, and continued on her course. JC followed close behind.

***

Beers in hand, JC, Nicole, Alex, and Nikki stood in the small garage around Alex's new Harley-Davidson. Alex ran down the specs and pointed out the custom work she had added. JC was taking it all in. Nicole sipped a beer and stood a few paces back next to Alex's wife, Nikki, who paid no attention to the motorcycle speak. She had heard it all before. 

"So who's Josh?" Nikki whispered into Nicole's ear. 

"My friend." Nicole emphasized each word and took another sip. She tried to avoid Nikki's interrogating stare, but felt it burning through her. "You remember a few months ago, my situation at Stache?"

Nikki nodded. 

"Josh sorta helped me out. Him and his friend. Anyway, we've been talking a bit since. He comes down this way for work from time to time, so we catch up. He had a shitty day, so we grabbed a bite at Merced's. Trying to show him a good time." 

"A good time, huh?" Nikki whispered back. 

Nicole rolled her eyes, and stepped away from the accusatory stare. Sheinterrupted Alex and JC's conversation. "I wish I was badass enough to ride one of these!" She laughed. "Can I like sit on it and be a poser for a few minutes." She laughed. 

"I told you I'd take you out." Alex responded. "I mean, Nikki won't go near the thing. I need a hot broad pressed to my back. I'll show you off." Alex turned to JC, "Nikki said Nicole can be my hall pass."

"I get!" JC responded with a smirk. 

Nikki made fake vomiting noises and promptly left the garage to return to the deck.

"I don't actually want to ride it. I just want to be cool enough to. Can I sit on it or whatever? Take my picture, let me pretend." She put her beer on the floor, dug through her purse, pulled out her phone, opened the camera app, and handed it to Alex.

Alex nodded and JC took a few steps back. Nicole eyed the bike carefully and made a failed attempt to lift her leg. Her dress was too long, so she hiked it up, above her midsection, exposing her bikini bottoms. Alex slapped her ass playfully, as Nicole straddled the bike.

"Ooh, girl, put some clothes on. Quit teasing this lesbian with your wicked straight sis gender wa---" A tall lanky black man with a shiny bald head, clad only in leather short shorts and midriff white shirt, entered the garage.  He interrupted his own announcement when he caught sight of JC. "Well, hello." 

"Um, Hi." JC responded, eyebrows raised.

Nicole swung her leg back over the bike and dismounted. "Hey Patrick." Nicole lowered her dress and smoothed out the material below her waist. "This is my friend Josh," She introduced. 

"Fresh meat" Patrick smiled and strutted closer to JC. He held out his hand not for a shake, but for a kiss, which JC obliged with a smile and a wink in Nicole's and Alex's direction. 

"Hello, friend Josh," Patrick replied. The garage fell awkwardly silent, and Patrick whipped open a large fan that had CUNT printed in bright pink and purple letters. The Sound of the fan unfurling startled everyone. "Are we going to the Brit, or what? It's leather night." Patrick began to fan himself coquettishly. 

"Let's go sit on the deck and have another drink before we go." Alex laughed slightly and broke the awkward silence. 

The group moved to the backyard deck and sat in a semicircle on the weathered Adirondack chairs strew about. There were more people than seats, so Nicole sipped her beer on the arm of JC's chair. She tried to focus on Patrick's animated story, but she was keenly aware of JC's elbow's light press against her hip. Something about the innocuous contact filled her with butterflies. She tried to pay attention and follow Patrick's account of his most recent night out with one of the sisters. JC, however, paying rapt attention, asked what sister he was talking about. Patrick, enjoying any audience, proceeded to explain how he was currently in a love triangle with two members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a drag queen nun group. Halfway through Patrick's story, JC let out a deep hearty laugh, and asked Patrick to stop. 

"Man! Hey! Stop." JC chuckled. "You lost me at the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. You're seeing a drag queen... nun? I gotta see this."

"Well, honey, they will be at the Brit tonight, I can get you a personal audience with them."  

JC leaned forward in his chair, clapped his hands together and smiled, "So when are we going to the Brit?"

"I Like a man with conviction" Patrick stood up, urging everyone to finish their round. 

 JC leaned against the pool table in the back corner of the bar. He scanned the room. His eyes noted the various stereotypical British decor. The entrance to the bathroom was painted as a London phone booth, the opposite corner stood a cutout of Prince Harry and Megan Markle, Union Jacks hung across the ceiling, and the wall behind the bar was practically wallpapered with various framed images of the Queen. The small room was packed with people. He scanned the faces at the bar counter, and stopped as he noticed Nicole, bent at her waist, leaning forward on the bar top, feet dangling below her, not quite touching the ground. She looked to be in cahoots with the bartender, not just ordering drinks. He liked her. Being around her. He wasn't himself when he was with her, and that was nice, as he wasn't his biggest fan lately. 

"You having fun?" Alex snapped him from his thoughts. 

"Well, let's see. I just lost three games of pool in a row to a nun. A nun with glitter in her beard, a sequin habit, and platform boots. So, yeah, I'm having a great time!" He laughed. "I'm not exactly sure what I thought my day would be like when I woke up this morning, but I know it wasn't this." His head bob back and forth as he spoke. His eyes crinkled and disappeared into small slivers. 

"Dan-Dan's heavy pours help," Alex smiled and nodded toward the bar. 

JC looked back toward the bar and spotted Nicole, still hanging off the edge of the counter in a very serious, but animated conversation with Dan. 

"Does she know everyone?" JC smiled.

"Yeah, her mother never taught her not to talk to strangers." 

Patrick came spinning toward them, carrying a larger binder. Patrick never seemed to walk, he danced or glided from point A to B. Everything had a flourish. "Karaoke Bitches!" He called out and posed with the binder held up near his face for dramatic effect. He started dealing out slips of paper like cards, just as Nicole returned from the bar, hands full, carrying a round of drinks.

"What's that?" She asked, acknowledging Patrick's papers and handing out drinks.

"Karaoke! What are you singing?" He waved a paper at her. 

Nicole laughed, "Nothing! I just want to watch you."

"No. C'mon. We have a good group. Karaoke is only fun when everyone does it." Patrick whined, forcing the paper in Nicole's direction. 

"I'm Down!" Nikki, chimed in and grabbed a paper from Patrick. "Friendly competition?" Nikki raised an eyebrow at Patrick. "Best song selection wins?"

  "Oo, girl, I love a competition. But I have the perfect song, so you will lose." He smiled and turned with a flourish, flipping through the binder of songs. 

"I'm game!" JC pushed off the pool table and took a slip of paper from Patrick.

 Nicole's mouth dropped in surprise. This seemed way too impulsive for someone so serious. "You're going to sing?"

JC Shrugged, "Yeah, why not?" He took another long drink. "I'm not so bad at it, I hear." He laughed at his own joke.

"Isn't that cheating!" Nicole screwed up her face, hands on her hips. 

"Why aren't you doing it is a better question. You scared you can't pick the ultimate Karaoke tune?" JC pinched a new slip of paper between two fingers and waved it in front of Nicole's face. He pulled it away quickly. "You're right, you can't beat me, I'm a professional." He smiled and moved to flip through the binder of songs. 

Nicole grabbed JC by the wrist. "I can, and I will." She smiled and pulled the paper from his grasp. 

***

Another round later and Nicole was feeling fearless. Patrick's friend, Sister Sindy Vine, was finishing an off-key but still entertaining version of Robyn's "Dancing on My Own." JC bobbed his head and mouthed the words. Nicole watched him and laughed slightly, catching his attention. He mouthed "What" and Nicole shook her head in response. He pushed off the pool table and walked the step closer to her. 

He grabbed her arm above her elbow almost forcefully, but still playful. Maybe it was the drinks, but something about his touch sent tingles down her spine and she felt a flush creeping up her face, starting at her neck.

He placed his mouth near her ear.  "Are you laughing at me?" He asked.

She could feel his breath on her cheek and her thoughts began to spiral. Was this happening? Did he want this? She wasn't sure. He sent so many mixed signals.  Did she even want this? Oh, who was she kidding, hell yes, she wanted this. She wasn't sure when, but at some point she crossed the line of desire. She definitely wanted him. She thought she could play it cool, but he had definitely occupied more of her thoughts than she had expected, or even initially wanted. And for some reason, he kept seeking her out. Creeping into her life.  Coming back for more.  And now, with the presence of his warm hand gripping her arm, and his face so close to hers, she was finding it hard to compose herself and control her thoughts. She blinked a few times and forced her mind to rein the spiral in. We're just going to ride this out, see where it goes, she thought. She composed herself and turned to him. Their faces only a few inches apart. 

"Laugh? At you? Never!" She smiled, and he released his grip on her arm. "You having fun? Did I get you too drunk?" she asked.

"Oh honey. I'm not drunk. But..." He paused. He reached up and moved a section of hair behind her ear. He lowered his mouth down to her ear again. Nicole tried to steal herself. Again, turned on by the electricity rolling through her body from the heat of his. "But, you're going down. My song selection is PER-FECT!" 

Nicole released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Disappointed in the anticlimactic nature of their interaction and still shook by her body's uncontrollable response to him. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, as he resumed his position leaning against the pool table and continued to watch Sister Sindy on the stage. She wasn't sure what was happening to her.  Maybe she had consumed too many drinks. She decided this would be her last, and spent some time telling herself to slow down and nurse this final beverage. She was sure he was flirting with her, but yet she wasn't sure. He commented on her appearance in a bathing suit early in the evening. He had basically told her to take it off. Later, he had entertained Alex's hall pass comment. He kept coming to her. This was not just Platonic. But, he made no real moves to signify otherwise. Maybe she was reading into it. What really shook her, was how much she was wishing he would make a move. 

Her own thought spiral was broken by the cheering in her section. Nikki had been called to the small makeshift karaoke stage only a few feet away from their spot by the pool table.

The group looked on as Nikki took center stage, holding the microphone tightly in her hands. Alex shouted out in support. The crowd quieted down a bit and the music began. Slight cymbal taps, and then Nikki belting out:

"I want you to know...

That I'm happy for you...

I wish nothing but, 

the best for you both..."

The audience was definitely not expecting Nikki's selection of Alanis Morissette, but by the chorus, most of the bar was singing along. Alex and Nicole sang into their beer bottles in support, and Sister Sindy and Patrick would chime in every few words. The song ended to moderate applause, but Alex planted a wet kiss on her wife's lips regardless. 

"An oldie but a goodie!" The Karaoke emcee announced into the microphone. "Just not enough lesbians here tonight to appreciate it. Nicole You're up! Oh, look at that, a Nikki and a Nicole." 

"Good luck mamma," JC squeezed her shoulders a few times in support. "You're gonna need it." Then he gave her a small push toward the microphone. 

Nicole stood on the makeshift stage, head down, kicking at the chords. She looked awkward, but was definitely feeling the liquid courage. The low piano chords began to play, and immediately cheers roared from the crowd. Nicole smiled and looked out at her friends.

Patrick immediately stood up, bounded onto the now covered pool table, and shouted,  "That's my bitch right there!" 

"I just took a DNA test, turns out 

I'm 100% that bitch. Even when I'm crying crazy, 

yeah I got boy problems that the human in me. Bling! Bling! 

Then I solve them that the goddess in me"

As Nicole sang, she took a few steps away from the stage area and walked straight to a small group of very young blonde, moppy haired guys at the bar who were hooting and singing along. She held the mic out for them as well and they all scream-sang along:

"You coulda had a bad bitch. Noncommittal

Help you with your career. Just a little

You're ‘posed to hold me dooooooown"

Nicole twerked awkwardly a few times to the ground

"But you're holding me back

And that's the sooooound 

Of me not calling you back"

The bulk of the bar sang along with the chorus. Everyone else was so loud that it drowned out Nicole's voice. She kept singing into the mic and made an awkward strut to her group of friends stationed at the pool table. She placed her back against Patrick's side, and leaned into him, flicking her hair about with her hands:

"Shampoo press get you out of my hair

Fresh photos with the bomb lighting"

Patrick unfurled and re-furled his fan again and again in the form of applause as he cat-called her while she sang. She worked her way to each of her friends who were still congregated by the pool table. First Nikki, then Alex, finally JC.  She placed her right hand on his upper chest by his left shoulder  

"I put the siiiiiiing in single

Ain't worried ‘bout a riiiiiiing on my finger"

She removed her hand and wiggled her left ring finger in his face. JC smiled and threw his head back in a deep belly laugh. Nicole sidled up beside him, resting her arm on his shoulder, and continued.

"So you can tell you friend, 

Shoot your shot when you see him. 

It's okay he already in my DMs

Why men great ‘till they gotta be great."

She pushed off of him, turned with a flip of her hair, and did an exaggerated dance back to the stage area. 

The song was clearly a hit. The group of young blondes, dressed in various lengths of cut-off jean shorts, joined her on the stage and helped her finish out the song to a roaring applause. Smiling larger than she should, she sauntered back to the group. Patrick again unfurled his fan and began fanning her as she rejoined the group. She flamboyantly flipped her hair back over each shoulder and thanked everyone. JC remained resting against the pool table, trying to appear unimpressed with his arms crossed. 

She walked up to him and pushed two fingers into his chest. "Beat that, buddy." 

"Next to the mic, JC," Announce the emcee. 

JC grabbed her fingers, and gently turned her wrist over. "Watch me" he said with a wink and made his way to the stage. 

"Okay Jay-Cee" Nicole heckled.

His spot at the pool table was taken up by one of the three blondes who sang with her. "Hey girl!" He drawled. "That was fun. So, is your friend JC, like JC, JC?"

Her brows knitted together, confused, and she didn't reply. 

"Like *NSYNC JC?" He clarified. 

She smiled. "No, no, he gets that all the time, though!" she laughed awkwardly. She wasn't sure what the proper response was in this situation. 

Suddenly, digital drums and a low baseline thundered from speakers. Patrick, again, popped up onto the pool table and let out a noise, something between a squeal and a scream. Nicole turned and watched JC  bounce his head to the beat, then do a kind of kick ball change back and forth across the small stage area. He had a swagger about him. Then, very smoothly, he crossed his right leg over his left and did a spin just in time to start the first lyrics:

"Baby when we're grinding, I get so excited

Oooo how I like it, I try but I can't fight it.

Ooo you're dancing real close. Plus it's real, real slow.

You're making it hard for me."

Nicole's mouth dropped slightly. He didn't have a half bad voice. He had a really wonderful voice, actually. He may as well have been a member of Next. 

"Oh that's so JC, JC!" The blonde next to her laughed and poked his elbow into Nicole's side. 

JC also took his act away from the stage. He walked a few paces towards the group, and took Sister Sindy by the hand and pulled her toward him and back toward the stage area. She was committed. She dropped into a low squat and bounced back up. On her second drop she stayed down longer, bobbed her head, open mouthed at his crotch a few times, and then popped back up easily.  

"Yeah boo I like it, No I can't deny it 

But I know you can tell I'm excited"

He pointed the microphone at Sindy and she crooned completely off-key

"Step back you're dancing kind of close

I feel a little poke coming through, On you."

He spun Sindy around and pulled her back against his chest. She towered over him in her platforms shoes. The height difference added to the hysterics. With one arm wrapped around her, he rocked her back and forth and sang

"Now girl I know you felt it, 

Boo you know I can help it. 

You know what I want to do." 

Patrick let out a ridiculous scream and literally fell back onto the pool table. ¨OOOO this whiteboy!" He shouted and laughed. He composed himself and added, "Oooh, chile, He can sing okay, though!" He pushed Nicole's shoulder a few times. 

JC spun Sindy back to face him. Placed a delicate kiss on her hand and then eased his way toward Nicole, who was seated on the pool table, legs dangling. Nicole tried to keep a straight face, but it was hard not to giggle, especially with Patrick's regular intervals of squeeks. JC moved himself within inches of her and did a few body rolls. She knew he could dance and sing, but it seemed like a past life. Nothing about her actual in-person interactions with him would lead her to believe this was in his nature. He didn't move closer, but reached out, grabbed her hands, one at a time,  and placed them around his neck, while he lifted one leg, bent at the knee, and began grinding the air in front of her. Which sent Patrick into a whooping and hollering  tizzy. 

"Baby us dancing so close, ain't a good idea 

‘cuase ima want you now and heeeeere. 

The way that you shake it on me, 

makes me want you,  so bad sex-u-ally."

JC held out the microphone for Nicole to sing the girl's part. When she didn't do it, Patrick pulled it in his direction and took over for her. Still singing, JC stepped back, took Nicole by the hand and pulled her down and away from the pool table. She made a big show about being reluctant to follow and tried hard to keep the blush from rising up her face. She cursed her body for reacting the way it was. He spun her around a few times and danced with her, touching her arms lightly and rolling his body against her while he sang. She smiled and tried her best to ham it up. She bent over, laughing,  and wiggled her butt at him as he sang.

"I like when you shake it like that 

uh uh uh..."

The song wound down, and the room erupted into claps and cheers. JC handed the microphone back to the emcee and wrapped an arm loosely around Nicole's shoulders leading her back to the pool table and their group. 

"I think I'm in the lead! Huh?" JC asked, releasing his hold on Nicole. 

"I don't know, that was good, but Lizzo is a crowd favorite." Nikki defended. "You've got a pretty good voice, Josh."

"Thank you." he bobbed his head back and forth and smiled shyly. 

"I need a cigarette after all that bumping' n grinding."  Nicole laughed.

"Oh! Maybe I should have done that song." JC laughed. 

Nicole grabbed her purse and moved toward the outdoor patio. Before JC could notice her absence, he was cornered by the blonde who had infiltrated the group. He asked JC if he would pose for a selfie, and JC obliged. Alex raised an eyebrow. JC shrugged at her as if in equal disbelief. He looked around for Nicole and Alex pointed behind her to the patio. 

"I'm gonna see if she wants another drink, do you want one?" He asked.

Alex declined and JC worked his way through the crowd to the patio and found Nicole sitting on a bar stool against the wall in the back corner of the patio, getting ready to light the cigarette hanging between her lips and chatting to a barback bussing the drinks from the wrap around ledge along the outdoor space. He walked toward her and immediately she took the cigarette from her mouth and held up her hands.

 "Okay okay, dad, I'm not smoking! Please don't throw this one out." She rummaged in her purse to find the cigarette pack and placed the cigarette back inside. 

"Good Girl." He patted her thigh twice, and left his hand to rest there. "Do you want another drink?" he smiled at her. 

The smile and the warmth from his hand, again, ignited a fire and she felt that same flush begin to work its way up her face. 

"No" she choked out. "No," she recovered and laughed, "I'm done for the night. I'll float away." 

"Yeah I think I am too." He kept his hand on her thigh.

"So, interesting song selection," she smirked and looked down at his hand. 

He took a small step closer. "Yeah, I thought maybe... you'd like it." He noticed her eying his hand, still resting on her thigh. He took a step back,  quickly raised his hand, faked a stretch, and rubbed the back of his neck. Thinking how awkward of a response that was. 

Nicole raised an eyebrow and laughed. "You flirting with me, Josh?" she giggled recalling their early conversations. 

"You want me to be?" He chuckled back and intentionally placed his hand back on her thigh.  

Eyes cast down, she softly replied, "It wouldn't be the worst thing."

His reaction was swift, and it took her slightly off guard. He slid his hand from her thigh to her waist and placed his other hand on the back of her neck, pulling closer. His lips pressed together and moved in to meet her own lips. She turned her head slightly, but not away. Just slight enough that his lips landed on her jaw line rather than her mouth. She let out a soft moan, that sent a rippled through JC. She immediately moved her hands to his hair and pulled him in closer. He took this as a sign that he should keep going and trailed his kisses toward her ear and down her neck to her collar bone. She pulled away from him slightly, looking him in the eye.  She wanted to kiss him back but struggled to commit. She pulled his face back closer to hers and moved her mouth to his ear. "You want to get out of here?" she asked him. 

He pulled back and grabbed her hand. "Yes," he chided himself silently for sounding too eager, but took her hand to help her off of the chair. Fingers locked, he escorted her quickly through the patio, into the bar, and out the exit. Once outside, he stopped and turned back. 

"Should we say goodbye to your friends?" he asked.

"No!" She snapped, and he smiled at her eagerness. "Um, no." She took a quick breath.  "They will figure it out," she said as she pulled him by the hand down the street.

Nicole and JC's walk back grew rather innocuous. Nicole released her fingers from his grip a few blocks away from the bar under the guise of pushing the crosswalk button. JC made a move to grab her hand again, but the light changed, and Nicole took a quick step. He wasn't sure what had happened, and that made him concerned about where they were headed. He left the bar thinking he was going back to her place so he could sleep with her. A thought he had definitely entertained before tonight and struggled to not act upon. Had she changed her mind? He kept stride with her as she walked in silence. He tried to watch her out of the corner of his eye. He wanted some kind of a sign that this was still happening before he made a complete fool of himself. They reached the next corner and stopped for the signal to change. He decided to make his intentions plain. What did he have to lose? 

He stepped behind her on the empty corner,  pushed her hair off of her neck and down over one shoulder. He noticed how the hairs on her arms stood up when he touched her. He liked that. He squeezed the tense muscles of her neck lightly. He placed a soft kiss on her neck just below her ear, slipped an index finger under the spaghetti strap of her grey maxi dress, pulled at it  and whispered, "How many more blocks before I can get you out of this?"

The flush was not slow this time. It didn't start at her neck and slowly work its way up to her cheeks. It was a sudden rush, followed by a shudder. It was like her body was on fire. She turned to him, an eyebrow raised, "A few more blocks," She smirked, "But if you can't wait, there are plenty of dark corners."

"Tempting" JC replied, "but I'm not trying to be quick about it." 

Nicole reclaimed his hand, he felt reassured, and she pulled him across the street as soon as the light changed. They maintained a quick clip back to her apartment building and when they entered, she rushed them to the elevator and tapped the button hurriedly. The doors opened. They entered and as soon as the doors slid shut, JC grabbed her by the mid-section and pressed her up against the wall. She exposed her neck and he reclaimed the skin below her ear. Nipping and flicking his tongue across the sensitive area. He pushed himself closer to her and she moved away slightly. He pulled back and eyed her, worried he had done something wrong. 

"I don't want to kill the mood, but I've had to piss for like six blocks." she laughed and crossed her legs awkwardly.

The elevator halted and the doors slid open. She led him to her apartment, fumbled with the keys, and unlocked the door. She ran straight to the bathroom while JC continued to the living room to wait for her. He occupied himself with viewing the numerous pictures hanging on her wall. He walked toward the mantle and examined the picture frames that cluttered the small space under where the TV hung over the fireplace.  There were so many pictures that they all leaned against and covered one another. One of the framed pictures had younger versions of herself, her friends Matt and Joel, and another young man. He had only really met them once before, but he could recognize them. They hadn't changed much, just shorter hair, now.  Nicole was in the foreground of the picture, almost a floating head, with part of an arm stretched out, taking the selfie. Behind her, sitting on a cluttered stage sat Matt with a black Gibson standard bass guitar strapped to him. On the stage next to Matt was Joel in a Dead Kennedys shirt with cut off sleeves holding drumsticks. The third man had a red Fender Telecaster guitar propped up on his thighs, his arms crossed over the top of the guitar, chin resting on his forearms.  JC picked up the framed image and turned to the two guitars sitting in the corner of the room, next to the fireplace. He noticed that one of the guitars was the same red Telecaster. He held the picture up to his face and inspected the man with the red guitar. This must be the fiancé he thought. Frame still in his hand, he began searching other pictures on the mantle and on the wall, trying to spot him in another frame. There were tons of pictures that adorned her walls. Some were pictures of Nicole with Matt and Joel. Some of Nicole and other girls. Nicole in front of famous natural wonders and monuments, but the only picture of her fiancé was old, small, and hidden by other framed pictures on the dusty mantle. 

Nicole quietly reentered the room. She saw him paying close attention to a picture of her and Joel in front of John Hancock's obelisk headstone. "That's in Boston. John Hancock's grave." She laughed. 

JC turned quick, slightly startled. "Yeah?" He moved his hand, still holding the picture frame, back behind him slightly. 

"Joel and I went to visit a friend in Boston a few years back and I made him go with me to John Hancock's final resting place. He's like my favorite historical guy.  You know he's technically our first president." She took a few steps closer to him. 

"I thought that was Washington."

"Hancock was the president of the Continental Congress. We were just colonies back then." She took another step closer. 

JC smiled awkwardly. He cast his eyes downward to the red guitar and felt a pit of guilt begin to form in his stomach. He reached down and plucked a few of the strings high up on the neck with his free hand. He became extremely nervous. Like he shouldn't be there. And the thoughts spiraled in. His girlfriend flashed in his mind. She was out with friends and thought he was working late. "I am so fucked up," he thought. Then the picture of the fiancé. He was everywhere in this apartment, and nowhere at the same time. "How did she get so good at compartmentalizing?" he wondered.    

"We're not here to talk about presidents, though." she smiled seductively, shaking him from his thoughts. He turned to face her. She reached her arms out and rested them on his shoulders, lightly tugging the curls that splayed out in different directions at the back of his neck. She placed soft kisses along his jawline. She felt him tense slightly and pulled away. She let her hands fall down his arms and she noticed the picture frame in his hands.

JC felt like he had been caught stealing. He tried to play it off. "I was just scopin' out your pictures. So many of them!" He quickly moved to place the frame back in its spot on the mantle. 

Nicole noticed what picture he had been holding and her heart began to hammer in her chest. This was not happening she thought. Not him. Josh didn't even know Jason, why did he care

JC looked back down at the guitar. He couldn't do this. "Maybe I should take off. It's kind of late." He refused to look at her. He didn't really want to leave, and he choked on the words as they came out. He knew if he looked at her he wouldn't be able to say no. He flicked the guitar strings once more and took a few steps away from her and toward the door. 

Nicole reached over to the mantle and adjusted the picture frame JC had just placed there. Jason haunted her, and not in a good way. She was over it. Why couldn't everyone else be?  

"Josh!" She said more loudly than she intended to. He stopped in front of the couch and turned. "Hey, I didn't invite you back here to fill some kind of void in my heart. I brought you here to fuck." 

Taken slightly aback, he froze. He wasn't sure if she should be offended or completely turned on. He was leaning towards turned on. She walked over to him and looped her fingers into the top of his jeans. She pulled him a step closer to her and resumed kissing his jawline. The stubble on his face was rough on her lips, but she couldn't get enough. He allowed himself to enjoy the sensation. She slid one hand from the top of his pants down to the zipper and gripped lightly. A slight moan caught in his throat and she could feel him growing hard through the thick fabric. She moved her hand away and back up to the top of his pants. 

"Don't stop," he whispered into the air. 

She undid the button of his jeans and reached a hand into his pants and pulled him out. She stroked him gently and felt him getting harder. She released her grip, and he moaned, disappointed. She raised her hands to his chest and pushed him back a few steps. When he felt the couch behind his knees he dropped down on the soft cushion. Nicole knelt down in front him and pushed the top of his pants down further. She gripped him in her hand once more and stroked up and down. His head flew back against the couch and his eyes closed tightly. 

"Does that feel good?" she asked, eyebrows raised. 

Head still resting back against the couch, he opened his eyes and gazed down at her. "Yes," he managed to get out. 

She leaned down and dragged her tongue from the base of his erection to the tip and then swirled her tongue around. JC moaned in response and she stroked him a few more times before she took him into her mouth. Instinctively his hands flew to the back of her head gathering her hair at the back of her neck and squeezing tightly. She sucked and pulled up and then swirled her tongue as she lowered her mouth back down. She increased the pace slightly and JC could feel the start of his climax forming.

He leaned forward and released his grip on her hair. He reached one hand down to her shoulder and slipped a spaghetti strap down her arm, then reached down the front of her dress, claiming her left, bathing suit-clad breast in his hand and squeezed. He allowed his fingers to roam until he came across her nipple. He squeezed it through the fabric a few times and Nicole gasped, briefly releasing her mouth's claim on him. She continued her progress and sucked him in again, pulling up the length of his shaft and he popped out of her mouth. Before she could go back for more, he used both hands to raise her face up toward him. A slight sheen had formed across his own face. 

She leaned back and looked up at him. He lowered the other strap of her dress down. She removed her arms from the loops and reached back behind her neck to pull the string from her bikini top. She lowered the top of her bikini exposing her chest. He leaned over, reached down, and gripped a breast in each hand, squeezing firmly and circling the nipples with the pad of his thumbs. She raised up on her knees stroking him again with her hand. He thrusted upward slightly a few times enjoying her touch. 

She bent down to take him into her mouth again, but he stopped her. He released his grip on her breasts and patted his exposed thighs. Nicole stood and raised the skirt of her dress so she could straddle his lap. Her legs on either side of him she lowered herself down onto his lap and felt him, rock hard, through her bikini bottoms. He took one breast in his mouth and kneaded the other with a rough hand as she grinded against him. He pushed his hips up to meet her. He started to nip his teeth at her right nipple, and she trembled in response. She could feel the sensation in her core and became so turned on she was sure he could feel her wetness through her bikini. 

He released his grip on her breast and moved one hand to her hip and the other to the front of her bathing suit bottoms. He touched her gently through the fabric. His touch sent another shock through her body, and she gasped and tossed her head back. He slid his fingers between her skin and the material, and felt her excitement. He stroked her lightly and placed a kiss on her chest right below her neck. She rocked forward and back, urging him to enter deeper. She was wet and he got off knowing he was the reason why.

"MMMM This for me?" he asked.

She rolled her hips against him and moaned "yess" she hissed. "Fuck," she breathily added in response. 

He teased her with his fingers only a moment more before removing them. She raised up on her knees and looked down at him in disappointment. He smirked slightly and moved his hand back between her legs. He pushed the bikini bottoms off to the side and pushed his hips upward. She could feel him press into her, seeking entrance. She smiled and shifted her hips allowing the tip of  him to slide back and forth before she eased down onto him. The pressure as he entered her made her shudder. Her soft folds around him made him gasp. She rocked slightly as she adjusted to the feel of him and slowly eased up and slid back down taking him deep inside of her, again and again. She started slowly and increased her pace rather quickly. She couldn't get enough of him.

"Goddamn Nicole," he grunted as she pressed down on him. "Fuck that feels sooo good," he panted in her ear as he grabbed a fistful of hair. 

She could only moan in reply as she rode him harder and faster. She could feel herself edging closer to release. His hands explored her breasts again, the pads of his thumb circling her nipples sending electric currents all through her body. She was close and she was begging for release, "Oh my god Josh, yes, yes, ye-" 

JC could feel his climax building as he felt her, soft and wet, close in around him. He wanted the release, but not like this. Not yet. He wanted to be in control. He moved his hands to her hips and stilled her momentum. "Stop stop, mama, slow down." he whispered. Nicole's eyes flew open and she stared down at him in disbelief. 

"What? What happened?" She asked confused, trying to rock against him.  

"Can," he licked her nipple, "we," he squeezed the other breast lightly, "go," he kissed the valley between her breasts, "to," kiss, "your," kiss, "bed?"

With the sensation of him still deep inside of her, she was struggling to process his request, "What?"

"You're doing all the work. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you come so hard you beg for more." He smiled casually. "And I want you completely naked. You still have too many clothes on." He guided Nicole's hips up and she rolled over onto the couch. JC stood, his pants still halfway on so he stepped out of them completely and left them on the living room floor. "Bedroom's that way?" He asked pointing. 

Nicole nodded and watched him leave the room. She stood, frustrated, pulled her dress over her head, bikini top still tied, but hanging around her midsection. She followed him to the bedroom. He removed his shirt then untied the rest of Nicole's bikini. The top and bottoms slipped down her body easily and JC directed her to the bed. She laid down awkwardly. She had never been required to stop in the middle of sex to changed rooms. Confused and frustrated she stretched out on the bed. JC crawled up and positioned himself on his knees between her legs. He leaned down over her and grabbed both of her hands, raising them above her head, and holding them in place there. He bent his head and moved to kiss her. Again, she turned slightly. He now understood that was off limits and made a detour to her neck instead. He lapped at her neck and nibbled her earlobe. She was so turned on from her nearly approaching orgasm in the other room that she couldn't handle the waiting anymore. 

"Josh please!' she breathed, arching her back and lifting her hips trying to find him and allow him entry.

"I love it when women beg." he mumbled as he recaptured her earlobe with his mouth. He released one hand, but when she went to move her arm to touch him, he grabbed it and pinned it back above her head with his other hand. 

She smiled and whined, "Please don't make me beg. I need to feel you inside me."

With his free hand he pulled her right leg up, bent at the knee and angled himself between her legs. He slid inside of her easily and groaned at the soft, wet, warm feeling. He pushed into her slowly, and then pulled out completely, and pushed back into her slowly, again.

"Don't tease, Josh, please, faster." She moaned. 

Hearing his name slip from her lips in ecstasy couldn't be sexier. He had never been Josh during sex, always JC. He could get used to this. He pushed into her faster, and harder, trying to go as deep as he could go. He began to sweat with the exertion and panted out of breath, ragged, but he could feel Nicole reaching closer to orgasm and that was beginning to send him over the edge. The sound of their bodies together added to the erotic soundtrack. He knew he couldn't hold out much longer, and everything about how her body responded to him let him know that she was at her peak.  He lowered himself on her chest, using both of his hands to pin her arms down above her head. He pressed his forehead to hers and thrust into her fast and hard. She began to writhe beneath him. He filled her up, and she was aching for release. 

"You like that?" he breathed, between grunts, his face merely centimeters from her own.

"Oh my god Josh. Oh god, yes, I'm gonna come. Holy shit!" The sensation was powerful. 

She tried to move her hands to touch him, or grab the sheets, or anything, but his grip was too strong, and he continued to thrust into her. He felt her close around him and trembled as a guttural moan escaped from somewhere deep inside of her. He could feel her arms trying to free themselves, but he held her and slammed into her again, hoping to ride out her orgasm before he allowed his own to wash over him, but it was too quick. One more thrust, and he jerked and he collapsed on top of her. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and with one last ragged thrust felt himself release with a gasp. 

Both spent, sweaty and out of breath, JC remained on top of and inside of her. She liked the feel of his weight on her. He was right; she was quite sure she would want some more. She felt that orgasm through her whole body. It wasn't quite like anything she had experienced before. It was wild and savage, and she knew she was going to be sore the next day, which made her like it even more. If she had known sex with him was going to be like this, she would have tried to make it happen a lot sooner.  

JC shifted, released his grip on her hands, and held himself up with his arms positioned on each side of her, but still buried deep inside of her. He looked down at her. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth in the shape of an O as she let out quick breaths. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at him. He kissed her forehead and shifted, pulling himself out of her and rolled onto his side. He propped himself on an elbow and rested his head on his hand. His free hand traced lines across her body, from her belly to her neck. He would stop from time to time to grab a handful of breast and squeeze. She turned to look at him. She cracked a smile and released a soft giggle. 

"What's so funny?" He asked. 

"Nothing," She tried to appear serious, but another small giggled escaped her. 

"What?" He pinched an area of exposed flesh on her torso. 

She smiled, "And to think, a little bit ago, you wanted to leave." 

"Yeah. That would have been real unfortunate for you, huh?" he smiled.

         JC's soothing fingertips gliding up and down her body, accompanied by the exertion of their escapade, along with the drinks, put Nicole to sleep immediately. JC noticed the change and her breathing and realized she was out. He glanced over her resting form at the nightstand and noted the time on the clock radio, 1:22. It wasn't too late. He could still get home, and it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities that he was still in a session. He rolled out of the bed as quietly as possible and padded out of the bedroom and into the living room. He found his jeans crumpled on the floor and pulled his phone from the back pocket. 

Jen: Hey babe, looks like you're being productive. Having a girl's night and staying at Meg's. 

Jen: Let me know when you get this. Love you. 

The messages had come less than an hour before. He quickly typed out a reply. 

JC: Got a lot done. Since you won't be home, I'm going to crash down here. Back at it in the morning. 

JC: See you tomorrow night. Have some fun for me. Love you. 

He should feel like shit for lying, but he didn't really want to walk to his car and drive home. He didn't quite want to leave Nicole anyway. The draw to her was too strong. Or maybe it wasn't the draw to her, but the draw to who he was with her.  He wandered to the kitchen for water. Poured himself a glass and re-entered the bedroom, pulled back the sheets and slid in. Nicole hadn't moved, still sleeping on her back. He rolled to his side and sidled up against her. Who actually sleeps on their back, he wondered? Her! Of course. Everything about her is a little off. He angled his neck and pushed his nose into her hair, which splayed out between her shoulder and her neck. He placed the palm of his hand on her hip and closed his eyes.  In a matter of breaths, he drifted off to sleep. 

***

They both woke with a start at the ringing of a telephone. JC's stomach dropped, concerned that it was Jen calling him. Fortunately, it was Nicole's phone ringing in her purse, which she had left on the floor of the bathroom upon her arrival the night before. She tried to ignore it, but it rang again, and then a third round of rings. She stumbled to the bathroom and saw the caller ID, signifying that someone was at the security door at the apartment. 

"Hello?" She answered softly.

"Hey, I didn't bring my key. Let me in! I have the Jeep, I need to get my truck," ordered Joel. "You're not still sleeping, are you?"

"Um, no, no. Okay," she mumbled and pressed the button on her phone to buzz him in.  

She left the bathroom in a hurry. "Josh! You gotta get up, you gotta get dressed. Joel is coming up!"

"What?" He sprang out of bed quickly.  Looking around and remembering half his clothes were in the other room. "I mean, does it matter if he sees me?"

"Yes! He's just... He won't let me live it down."

He tossed his shirt over his head. "You're embarrassed?" He asked as he approached her suddenly, backing her into the wall of the small hallway. He placed a hand against the wall, blocking her escape with his arm. He nuzzled her neck with his nose and placed a few small kisses near her ear. He whispered, "Because last night, you were begging me not to stop?" 

"N-no," she stammered. She fought a sudden urge to kiss his mouth. "It's just... Please, just get dressed." She begged, pushing on his chest, he backed away. "I'll just tell him we drank too much, so you stayed here."

JC slapped Nicole's bare ass as he exited the bedroom to retrieve his pants. " As you wish," he called out as he turned the corner to the living room. Nicole quickly threw on a tank top and a pair of shorts that were lying on top of a wicker hamper, pulled a hairband off of a nearby door handle and tossed her matted hair up high on top of her head. She joined JC in the living room just in time to hear a loud knock on the door. She opened the door and Joel stood beaming, his fiancé Kaylee standing behind him looking unimpressed. 

"Hey!" he chirped, quickly pecked her on the cheek and entered, Kaylee following. "So, I shaved down the brake pads, you will need new ones in a few months, but they are fine. You don't drive much anyway. Where are my keys? Kaylee and I are gonna get breakfast, you want to co--" he stopped mid-sentence when we saw JC sitting on a chair in the living room putting on shoes. It was obvious they both had just woken up. "Hi, Josh." Joel smiled and stifled a laugh. He cocked his head back toward Nicole, one accusatory eyebrow raised.

"Joel," JC smiled. He finished tying his shoe and stood.  

Kaylee leaned against the wall and looked from Nicole to JC and back to Nicole, mouth slightly open in surprise. 

"Well, I didn't know you had company," Joel said in an exaggerated way.

"Yeah. Um, we went out with Alex and Nikki last night. You know, Dan at the Brit has those heavy pours. So, you know, we crashed out." Nicole laughed awkwardly. 

"Yeah." JC added, smoothing the hair down at the back of his neck. "Hangovers are tough in my old age. Anyway, it was good seeing you, again Joel, Kaylee." JC smiled. "I had fun last night, Nicole, thanks!" JC tapped his pockets, checking for his phone and keys, and saw himself out of the apartment. 

"You guys had some fun last night, huh?" Joel smiled at her. 

"I knew you were fucking him!" Kaylee eyed Nicole accusingly. She turned and headed back toward the front door. "I don't understand the draw," she mumbled. "She must have a golden pussy or something."  

Joel glared at his fiancé and shook his head.

Nicole retrieved Joel's keys from her purse and threw them at him. "She," eyeing Kaylee, "is a raging bitch, and you suck! Go eat your breakfast!" She turned on her heel and stomped back into her bedroom.

"Love you too, Nic!" Joel called as he exited her apartment. 

****

         JC hurried away from Nicole's apartment. He walked at a quick clip. Not sure if he was speeding away from his guilt, or the lack thereof. He wasn't that ready to leave her yet, but he knew he couldn't stay. He was in a good place, so why was he being so reckless? He had been living a life beyond his imagination. He had been front and center, and now he was enjoying life behind the scenes. He had the most beautiful woman, who loved him unconditionally, and who was willing to completely uproot her life to be part of his continued happiness. He had the support of friends and family. Why was he never satisfied? Why was he self-sabotaging? 

         His mind was filled and spiraling. The distraction made the walk back to his car and the recording studio feel extremely quick. He walked around to the back alley and punched in a code. The garage door rose, and he pulled out his keys, using the remote to pop the trunk on his Mercedes. He reached in and pulled out a small bag emblazoned with tiny Louis Vuitton initials. He unzipped it and rifled through its contents of toiletries. Making sure he had everything he needed, zipped it up and quickly headed into the building. He'd freshen up and get started on what he assumed would be another unproductive day in the studio. 

         While he waited for his sound engineer, Alex, and his writing partner for the day, Andrew, to join him in the session, he took a seat at the keyboard in the studio. He wanted to see if he could chip away at the melody that had been haunting him. His fingers glided across the keys as the slow melody filled the room. He replayed the same bar, over and over. He moved his lips, vocalizing the beats. The process repeated and repeated until words finally developed. "I've been sitting in the shadows. Where every day feels like night..." He hummed some more, while his fingers repeated the bar and his mouth mumbled the words. He added, "I just need to see the light." He stopped. Nowhere near satisfied, he wrote down the words in his notebook. Then played the same bar again and again, trying to replace words with new ones, pausing from time to time to jot down notes.

During one pause to write notes, Alex's voice suddenly rang through the room, "Making progress?"

Without turning to face Alex at the window of the control room, he raised his hand and gave a thumbs up. He resumed playing the bars at the keyboard and sang out the few lyrics he had jotted down over and over again, multiple different ways. Ready to take a break, he ended the bar with a random flourish of keys. He stretched out his arms and leaned from side to side to work out the kinks in his back. He rose from the stool and joined Alex in the control room.

"I like it! Slow. Haunting. I see some other strings happening," Alex offered without looking at JC. 

"Yeah, I hear that too," JC mumbled as he flopped onto the worn leather couch behind Alex. 

"What's the plan for today?" 

"AO is coming in. We are going to work on an electronic dance track. He wants us to clean it up a bit." JC replied by pulling his phone from the bag he had left on the couch in the control room. He unlocked the screen and scrolled through his text messages. 

Jen: You work too hard. I'll make dinner tonight. Your favorite. I'm sure you've been eating shit and drinking too much coffee for the last 24 hours. 

Jen: Miss you!

Andrew O: Be there around 3. Liz is coming too. 

Nicole: Hope you have a better day today

JC's heart sank a little. "I'm a fucking asshole" he thought. He locked his phone and joined Alex at the board.

It had been over two weeks since Nicole had slept with him, and again, his absence in her life seemed to be more noticeable than she had expected or wanted. She reached out once, a quick text a few hours after he left her apartment, but it was met with no reply. Initially, she shrugged it off. Her text didn't really warrant a reply, but the lack of communication and the  regularity at which her mind drifted back to their night together was bothersome. She could be shopping for spinach at the Vons, and she'd suddenly be transported back to the patio of The Brit, Josh pressed against her, ravishing her neck with kisses that seemed to set small fires on her skin. She'd be in her car, stopped at a red light, and she'd flash to his hands gliding down her back and gripping her hips as she straddled his lap. Nicole couldn't shake him. And that was a problem. It left her wondering, and over-analyzing, and picking apart everything. Completely spiraling. That's why she couldn't reach out. He had to make the move, and it was driving her crazy that he wasn't. 

Fortunately, she was busy and had vacation to look forward to. A welcome distraction was only four days away, and she was ready. She had packed her travel bag days ago and had been watching novelas every night. Her Spanish was about as good as it was going to get. 

It was early on Friday evening and Nicole was heading to Matt and Candace's house.  It was Matt's turn to host the monthly dinner, a tradition established many years before in their early twenties when the three of them, along with Jason, had all lived under one roof. Otherwise, homeless and not able to afford much by the way of rent, Nicole moved in with them. She tried to make up for her lack of monetary contribution by cooking. When they all moved and went their separate ways, Nicole and Jason hosted dinner once a month for nostalgic purposes. After Jason's death, the hosting duty rotated, but their commitment to the tradition remained strong. 

****

JC had the phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear as he leaned against the railing on the balcony outside his bedroom. He was distracted watching a mockingbird fly at a hawk who was venturing too close to the nest. 

"C! Hey C! Did you hear me?" his manager shouted into his ear, snapping JC out of his thoughts. 

"Sorry. What was that?" JC asked.

"Liz. She loves the changes. They think it will be her first single."

"Yeah? That's great news." JC responded, but without enthusiasm.

]"And Sony really likes the two demos. We need more of this. Where has this been?" His manager asked with a happy laugh.

"Yeah, man, I don't know. Just needed to get out of my head, I guess," he offered, kicking at leaves and pushing them off the balcony under the railing.

"Long Beach is good for you!" 

"Yeah. I like it there. It's a fun town." JC responded absently as his mind wandered back to his night with Nicole. Long Beach was a nice change of pace from what he was used to in LA. He didn't need to be on.  The pressure was off. He was not JC Chasez and whatever that might mean to people. He was just Nicole's friend, Josh. The sidekick. And she paid for his drinks! Had sleeping with her ruined it, though? Things were sure to be awkward. He had been avoiding her. His lack of guilt made him extremely nervous. He didn't trust himself. But she had said so herself, she wasn't looking for more than a hookup, right? Maybe it was just a one time thing. He could chalk it up to one night, one bad decision, under the influence of one too many heavy pours at a gay bar. They could be friends, and he could be just Josh once again.

"So, should we book more studio time there?" Eric asked suddenly, again pulling JC from his thoughts. 

"Yeah. Um yeah. But I have to look at my calendar. Eric, I have to take care of some things. I'll talk to you later." He quickly ended the call before Eric could protest.  

****

Nicole chose to walk the two miles to Matt and Candace's craftsman bungalow in the Bluff Heights neighborhood.  The barbecue was already smoking in the corner of the house's front courtyard and Matt and Joel stood, beers in hand, concentrating fully on the grill in front of them. Nicole slammed the gate to the courtyard behind her as she entered, breaking their concentration. She joined them at the grill, sliding in between both men. She planted quick kisses on both their cheeks, then moved away quickly to the ice chest sitting away from the grill. She pulled out a can of beer, opened it, and plopped down on the red-cushioned patio sofa. 

"What's cookin'?" she asked. 

Joel followed her lead, grabbed a fresh beer, and sat down next to Nicole on the sofa. "Burgers," he answered her as he slammed his hand down on her thigh and squeezed a few times, laughing at how she wriggled away from him in response. He released his grip on her leg.  "So, you all packed?"

Nicole nodded in response as Matt joined them, sitting in a patio chair across from them. He took a quick pull from his beer. "I don't get it, Nic. Why Mexico? You've been before."

"Not Mexico City. Not Oaxaca."

"But alone?" Joel added.

"I travel alone all the time."

"But Mexico isn't safe, and you're staying with strangers. I don't want to have to get ransom money together. I mean, why do you gotta be all everywhere, anyway? Who do you think you are? Carmen Sandiego?" Matt half teased. 

"Don't be dramatic." Nicole rolled her eyes in response. 

Matt mumbled a reply, but Nicole was too distracted by the buzz of her phone against her hip. She reached into her purse and retrieved the small device.  Josh's name appeared on the screen. She flushed slightly and willed herself to let the call go to voicemail. She wanted to be too busy to entertain his phone call, two weeks too late, but she was out of control at this point, and swiped the screen to answer, getting up from her spot next to Joel and walking a few paces away.  

"Hey Josh." She answered coolly. Joel turned sharply when he heard Josh's name. He laughed and whispered something to Matt. Nicole watched this happening and rolled her eyes. 

"Josh?" JC laughed slightly. "Hey Nicole." He laughed again. "I really like that I'm just Josh to you." 

"Are you really someone else?" 

"No, it's just-- never mind. How are you?" 

"Fine." 

"You're leaving on your trip soon, yeah?"

"Yes." She was short with him on purpose, hoping it would disguise her truthfully ridiculous excitement at hearing his voice on the other end of the line.

"I was hoping to see you before you were gone. What are you doing right now? I'm not far from you, um, working." This was a lie; he was sitting alone on his balcony. 

"Are you recording down here?"

"No. Just, I was working with some people down that way, not far."

"I'm at Matt's, we're doing dinner." 

"Tell him to come by!" Joel shouted, but Nicole tried to wave him off. 

"We're barbecuing. I'm sor--" Nicole tried to say.

"There's plenty, invite him!" Joel insisted again, loudly. 

Again, Nicole tried to wave him off, and took a few steps away. Joel, got up, charged at her, and took the phone. "Hey Josh, You're in Long Beach? This is Joel."

"I'm nearby." JC replied laughing. 

"You hungry? Do you eat meat, I feel like you celebrities are all vegan now?"

JC laughed. "Hardly a celebrity, and yes, I eat meat."

"Good, we're barbecuing. Come through." Nicole clawed at Joel, trying to retrieve her phone. He swatted her away. "Yeah... no, nothing... It's by Nic's... I'll text you the address." The call ended. Joel tapped away at the phone, then satisfied with the swish sound of a text message sent, tossed the phone back to Nicole, and reclaimed his seat.

Nicole stood stunned. "What if I don't want to see him?" She snapped at Joel. 

"You wouldn't have answered the phone." Happy with himself, Joel took a drink from his beer. "I'm your wingman, Nic," he winked at her with a smile. 

****

Three beers in, Nicole was feeling loose. Why she was so nervous was beyond her, but it was manifesting in sustained drinking. Dinner was ready, and Nicole helped Candace in the kitchen organizing plates, utensils, and various hamburger toppings. Matt and Joel entered with a plate full of cooked burgers. 

"Should we wait for Josh?" Joel asked. 

"Josh?" Candace questioned.

"Yeah, Nicole's, uh, friend, Josh." Matt replied, unsure how to categorize him.

"JC!" She snapped her head toward Nicole. "JC Chasez is coming to my house?" She squealed.

"Blame it on Joel, I didn't invite him," Nicole shrugged.

"I need to change! I should have cleaned." Candace abruptly dropped the stack of paper plates she was holding and scurried off into the other room. 

"He's not coming here for you!" Matt called after his wife. "Jesus Christ," he mumbled. "What am I? Chopped liver?" He called out to her again.

The three assembled their burgers and carried them on plates back outside to the courtyard. Nicole ate quietly and looked on as Matt and Joel talked about purchasing a boat together. It seemed like a waste of money to her, but she was content to reap the benefits. Just as Candace returned to the courtyard with nicely styled hair and a fresh layer of makeup, a black Jeep with tinted windows coasted into the driveway.

The passenger window rolled down and JC called through it. "It's okay to park here?"

"Yes, oh, of course, you can totally park there, no problem." Candace called back too enthusiastically. Flustered, and slightly embarrassed by her enthusiasm, she turned back to Nicole. "How do you stand it? He's so cute." She beamed. 

Nicole stared wide-eyed at Candace. She had always seemed so calm, and confident, and stunningly beautiful. She was just three inches shy from being a model. People were supposed to be flustered and nervous around her, not the other way around. She often wondered how Matt got so lucky.  But now, to see her completely losing her cool at the sight of Josh was completely out of character. Nicole glared at Joel then turned to Matt. "Control your wife, please." 

Annoyed, Matt called out to his wife. She joined him on the arm of his chair, and Matt wrapped a possessive arm around her waist. 

JC exited the car. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, black jeans, black and white checkered sneakers. His hair was wavy and stuck out in all directions, framing his face, and falling just above his shoulders. He was clean-shaven, and his eyes were bright. He was handsome without even trying. He smiled when he spotted Nicole seated on the corner of the patio sofa, legs crossed under her, with a plate of food in her lap. He walked straight to her, bent down, and placed an awkward kiss on her cheek. He turned to greet the rest of the group. Joel rose from his seat to give JC a handshake-turned side-hug.  Still seated, Matt released his grip on Candace's hip to shake JC's hand. 

Candace took the opportunity to jump up excitedly, shook his hand vigorously, and said, "Welcome to our home! I'm glad you could come tonight. Are you hungry? We have food. Matt grilled burgers, but if you don't like burgers, we have other things. I can make you whatever you want." 

"Candy!" Matt whined and tossed his crumpled napkin at her. "Be cool!" 

JC stood stunned by her rapid firing of words. It was hard to process everything, as the words quickly spilled from her mouth. He looked at Nicole for help, but she only shrugged in response.  "Burgers are fine," he mumbled. 

"Okay, c'mon, everything is just inside. I'll show you!" She led him to the front door, and inside. "Do you want anything to drink? Are you thirsty? We have..." her voice trailed off. 

Matt shook his head. "Jesus, she's out of her mind." 

Joel laughed. "Looks like you both have some competition."

"She can have him!" Nicole chuckled and took a big bite of her burger. "I'm not interested," she announced with a full mouth. "We're just friends. Matt better be keeping an eye on Candy."

"You are not just friends." Joel laughed. "Quit denying it. You don't have to hide it from us." He turned to Matt, "I caught them in bed together a few weeks ago."

"No! No, you did no such thing, Joel!" she argued in a warning tone. "He slept over because we were drinking."

"Nic's not fucking him. If she were, he wouldn't be here right now. She's the one and done type." Matt chimed in.  "Do whatever it takes to not catch feelings, right?" 

"Shut up, Matt," Nicole sighed, more offended than she wanted to be. 

He fixed a stern gaze on her, and continued,  "You spout a lot of bullshit about living a life full of purpose and meaning and being brave, but you're a scared shitless little girl, stuck in the shallow end of the pool, too scared to even float."

"Okay Mr. Metaphor!" Nicole stood abruptly. She tossed her plate, still full of food, on the table. "What the fuck is your deal, today?" 

"Nicole, sit down" Joel ordered. "Matt, what the hell, bro? Leave her alone." He turned back to Nicole. "We'll stop teasing you about him. I'm sorry. We're sorry." He returned his attention to Matt. "What's wrong with you, man?"

"Nothing. She's so stubborn. She won't do anything to fi-" he ended his thought early. "Same old shit, just another day with her!" He sighed.  

"I'm not fucking broken, Matthew! There's nothing to fix." She balled her hands into fists like a child ready to throw a tantrum.

Matt rose from his seat. "Why are you leaving in four days?"

"I'm going on vacation."

"Same time every year?"

"Matt, I'm a teacher, I have the whole damn month off."

"Always gone on July 12?"

"Matt, c'mon. Now's not the time." Joel took a few steps closer to him. 

"Always on July 12th?" Matt repeated.

Candace opened the front door, still nervously yammering away. She stopped suddenly at the all too familiar scene in front of her. JC almost walked into her. 

"Why do I need to be here on July 12th? To have a picnic at a graveside and light a goddamn candle?" She raised her voice slightly. 

"Call it travel. Call it vacation. Call it living your best fucking life. You and I both know it's really just running the fuck away. The one skill you have perfected." The tone of his voice hardened with each statement.

"Mathew Derickson!" Candace snapped, leaving JC, and charging toward her husband. "Why are you picking at this scab?" She placed her hands on Matt's chest. "Honey, stop. Leave her alone."

"You are just like your mother." He continued, now pointing at her. "Your father died, and she did whatever it took to be numb, and it killed her. And maybe it's not alcohol, and maybe it's not drugs, but it's careless decisions that you play off like evidence of being happy and having fun. You're just like her. You're miserable and you're reckless."

"Matt." Nicole spoke very calmly.  "I love you. Like, unconditionally. You are one of my favorite human beings. But not right now. I'm not staying for this. So, I'll let you cool off, and I will see you on Tuesday, when you drive my ass to the airport, so that I can go on vacation, to Mexico-Fucking-City." 

She walked to Joel. "And to think you left Kaylee at home in an attempt to avoid conflict." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked him on the cheek. "I love you too, Joel, and I will see you when I get back." 

"Don't go." Joel pleaded softly in her ear.

She turned to JC. "I walked here, and you can totally stay, but I have got to get out of here before I do something I will regret." 

"No, no, I'll drive you home." JC placed his still full plate of food down on the small table placed at the center of the patio furniture. "Candace, thank you for your, um, hospitality." He reached into his pockets and pulled out his keys. He pushed the key fob and the doors to his Jeep quietly unlocked. Nicole hurried into the passenger seat, closed the door, and sat quietly, eyes downcast until JC pulled out of the driveway and down the street.

 Neither spoke, and the silence was too awkward for JC to handle. He turned the radio up slightly. LeRoy Downs' voice filled the car. Nicole smirked and stifled a laugh. "You listen to KRWC?" She asked. 

"Yeah, it's pretty much all I listen to in the car. ‘Just Jazz' with LeRoy Downs is my favorite, Why?" 

"All the fancy shit in this car, and I'm just surprised you listen to public radio."

"Don't judge a book by its cover, missy," he replied softly, wagging a finger in her direction. 

"I won't, if you won't judge whatever the hell that was back there." Nicole sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry about that."

"Yeah..." he let his sentence stop. 

Silence. 

"Are you okay?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. 

She nodded. 

JC just let it drop. He drove on in silence, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. He turned down her street, but past her condo complex.

"That's me," she spoke up quickly, pointing out the window.

"Yeah, but the parking around here is awful."

"Oh, you're coming up?" She asked. 

"Well, I came to see you. I mean, we haven't talked since, you know. But, I mean, if you want to be alone, or whatever, I can drop you off." JC offered, trying not to sound disappointed. 

"Turn here, and you can park in the garage," she pointed in the direction he should turn. 

"Besides, I think you owe me dinner, I just bailed on a fat hamburger," He laughed, trying to lighten the mood. 

He pulled up to her garage and she jumped out of his car. She entered through a side door and moments later, the large gate began to rise, and she directed him to an available parking spot. He arranged some things in the center console, then opened the driver's door and slid from his seat. He followed her as she led him through the garage to the security door, and then to the elevator. 

He stood closer to her than he needed to as she waited, impatiently tapping her foot, for the elevator to arrive. Eventually the doors slid open with a soft ding, and they entered. No sooner did the doors close, than Nicole threw caution to the wind and stepped closer to him, she reached up and placed her hands on the back of his neck, lowering his face closer to hers. She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Surprised, JC stepped back, eyes wide, he looked down at her. This was not why he was here, but he wasn't about to stop it either. A deep growl bubbled up from within him, and he moved forward forcefully. He pushed against her and pinned her against the wall, reclaiming her mouth with his. He parted her lips with his tongue. He ran one hand around her back and held her body close to his. He reached in and grabbed a fist full of hair with his other hand. The elevator came to a gentle stop and the doors slid open. Nicole, pulled away, grabbed JC by the hand and dragged him down the hallway to her apartment door. Completely flustered and aching for more, she fumbled with her keys at the door. JC noticed her trembling hands. He smiled evilly and moved behind her, brushed her hair back and down the opposite shoulder. He placed a trail of soft kisses from her neck to her shoulder.

"We can take our time," he teased, now nipping his teeth at her ear. 

"Nope! No, we can't," Nicole argued as she finally successfully opened the door.

She pulled him by the front of the shirt into her apartment. Unable to move more than a few steps, JC grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. She dropped her purse and keys to the floor and took a few off-balance steps, bringing the pair into the kitchen. JC continued his assault on her mouth. His tongue exploring hers. Their height discrepancy made it difficult for him to gain the access he desired, so he bent down, slid his hands over and down her ass, gripped, and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he pushed her up against the pantry cupboard, then slid her over and rested her on the kitchen counter. He pushed himself between her legs and she could feel his growing erection through his jeans. He slid his hands up her shirt and squeezed her breasts. Their lips never parted. He grinded his hips between her legs, and finally, he released her lips to take a breath.

"Fuck, Josh," She breathed against his mouth. "I want you so badly."

Hearing his name drove him wild, "MMMM," he moaned, taking a step back.

Nicole reached for the button of his jeans. JC reached down and stopped her hands. "I think I am too old for kitchen counter sex. Bedroom?"

She slid off the counter and pulled him with her to her bedroom. He positioned her at the foot of the bed and slid his hands up under her shirt again. His hands explored her skin and her breasts, and finally worked their way behind her and unhooked her bra. He released his hold on her while he lifted her shirt over her head and slid out of her bra, and then returned his hands to her breasts. He kissed and flicked his tongue over each nipple. 

He worked his hands down and unbuttoned and unzipped her jean shorts. Still standing, he turned her around and placed her back against his chest.  He wrapped his arms around her, cupped one breast with his left hand, and slid his right hand down her stomach, and into her panties. He planted wet kisses along her neck as he slid his fingers all the way down, savoring the wetness. She grinded her hips into his hand, urging him to continue. He rubbed her clit lightly, enjoying her body's reaction. She tossed her head back against his chest and moaned softly, seductively, as he rubbed her slowly. Her skin flushed in excitement. She began to sway, and he pulled his hand back gently. She tried to protest, but he swiftly pulled down her shorts and prompted her to stepped out of them. 

"Get on the bed," he ordered. 

She turned to face him and sat on the bed lying back watching him as he pulled his shirt over his head and pushed his jeans down to the floor. She smiled as his erect penis bounced in front of her as he moved to get out of his jeans.  He crawled onto the bed, separating her legs with his knees. She felt him between her legs and moaned, demanding more. His lips again found hers. He slid a hand between them and brushed one, then two fingers over her clit. He rubbed slowly, then lowered his hand further and slid his fingers inside of her. She moved her hips and gasped euphorically.

His mouth still on hers, she breathed, "Josh, mmm."

"You like that?"

"Yesss" She hissed. 

She tried to lie back, but he stopped and ordered her to stay up right. He positioned her on her knees and moved on his knees behind her in the center of the bed. He pulled her back down onto his lap, guiding himself inside of her, gasping in pleasure as he felt her surround him. Her breath caught as he filled her. She eased up and back down on him slowly. He wrapped his arm around her, and again slid one hand down between her legs. The added sensation was overwhelming, and Nicole shuddered. He eased in and out of her, again kissing her neck as her head rolled back in delight. He could feel her orgasm building as she began to close in around him. She felt so good, and he got off knowing he was making her this wet. He pushed into her more forcefully, as he felt his own climax starting to build. 

Unable to control her body, she fell forward. She unsuccessfully tried to hold herself up on her hands. Remaining inside of her, he moved her legs further apart and placed his hands on her hips. He pulled almost completely out of her and pushed back in with force. He entered her again and again, faster, and harder, pushing her over the edge. With each thrust, she was completely full and overwhelmed by the sensation. It wouldn't be long before she came.  She moaned wildly and pushed her face in a pillow, trying to stifle a scream.

"Does that feel good?" He panted as he thrust into her.  "Do you like that?" He gripped her hips and increased his rhythm from behind her. 

"So fucking good," she managed to say between grunts.

"Say my name." He panted as he continued to push into her. "Tell me who makes you feel this good."

"Oh my god, Josh, yes! Josh...fuck... I'm going to come."

Hearing his name mixed in with her moans pushed him closer to his edge. He increased his pace and thrust into her deeply. Nicole tried to push herself up on her arms again, but the force of his thrusts kept her off balance.  Her body began to shake as he brought her to her peak. She gasped and moaned, and she squeezed around him as she rode out her orgasm. Her arms gave out, and she collapsed onto her chest, face in the pillow. JC gripped her ass with both hands. He adjusted the angle of her hips and pushed into her hard, again and again. His breathing began to grow ragged as he pumped into her, and with one final thrust, he reached his own peak. He collapsed on top of her with a grunt. Panting to catch his breath and feeling quite satisfied, he began to lay soft kisses along her back. He took a few deep breaths and slowly slid out of her, collapsing on his side next to her. He wadded a pillow between his shoulder and his head and watched her back rise and fall as she was beginning to catch her breath. 

She lay silently for a few moments and finally rolled onto her back. She turned her head to face him. His fingers immediately glided up and down her body, which was slightly sticky with sweat. He drew patterns on her stomach and chest with his fingers, pausing his circuit from time to time to squeeze a breast. 

"So... sorry that I ruined your dinner," she smiled nervously, unsure of how to fill the silence.

He placed a kiss on her shoulder, "Dessert was better," he winked. "I'm not mad at it. That dinner was a little awkward anyway. I thought Candace was going to lock me in a closet and keep me there." He laughed. 

"Yeah, she's like, really into you. It's weird."

"Well, you literally jumped my bones in the elevator, so it can't be that weird to be into me." 

Nicole rolled her eyes in response. 

"Remember, they will get stuck up there." 

JC's continued to glide his fingers over Nicole's body. He rubbed circles, and triangles, and various other shapes and patterns into her skin. He stopped suddenly, and Nicole turned to him. He asked softly, "So, are you and Matt going to be okay?"

"Yes."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

JC laughed. 

Silence.

"Were you and Matt ever? ...a thing?" JC asked suddenly.

"Oh my god! No. God, no!" Nicole laughed.

"He seems a little protective." 

She didn't respond at first, but eventually she sighed and tried to explain, "Everyone wants me to be a mess. I'm just not. Jason died six years ago; I've accepted that he's gone. And I'm doing my thing. No one else seems to be able to get over it, but I'm the one that gets shit."

Silence. 

Eventually, JC cleared his throat and offered, "I get it. I understand. People deal with that stuff in different ways. But when people go missing from your life, you can totally accept it, but I don't know If you ever just get over it. Acceptance doesn't fill the hole they leave behind."

Silence.

"What's Joel's take?" JC asked. 

"He agrees with Matt, I guess."

"Two against one?"

"Josh, we just fucked, and you want me to talk about my dead fiancé?"

"If you want?"

Nicole sighed, and rolled over, turning her back to him and leaning away from him slightly. "You sound like my therapist."

"You're in therapy?"

"Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Well, we'd fuck, and then he'd want me to talk about my dead fiancé."

JC laughed. Then stopped suddenly. "You're kidding...right?" 

With her back to him, Nicole shrugged in response. 

Silence.

JC broke the silence again, "Well, my therapist would say these are classic signs of emotional detachment disorder, stemming from post-traumatic stress." He tried to touch her, but she shifted away from him ever so slightly.

"Why are you in therapy? Your perfect pop star life gets too difficult to manage sometimes?"

"People aren't always who you want them to be. Or need them to be. It can mess a person up." 

"Yeah? Who messed you up?" She asked, back still turned to him.

"My mom."

"Yeah? Join the club."

"I was adopted, and while, I too thought I had dealt with it and was accepting of things, her actions and choices both made my life infinitely better, and messed me up in ways I didn't even know were messing me up. Maybe your friends aren't that far off base after all."

Nicole didn't respond. She laid silently, back still turned to him. For many minutes, she could hear him breathing, but he didn't say anything else. She finally felt the bed shift as he moved closer to her. He slid his arm under hers, gliding his fingers across her stomach and waist. This time she didn't resist.

He finally broke the silence, "And, so, your detachment disorder," he chuckled softly as he spoke, "is going on vacation, hiking in the Sierra Madres, just you and some hungry pumas, while my attachment disorder wonders if you're okay. How can I keep tabs on this adventure? Will you use your phone down there? Can I text you while you're gone?"

"You can follow me on Instagram."

JC laughed loudly in response.

"No seriously, I'm too cheap to use my data, so I just post on Instagram when I have Wi-Fi. I'm @proofoflife1."

"Proof of life?" His laughter vibrated through her body.

"Well, that's what it is, isn't it? Evidence that I'm alive and still detached."

 JC sat in the dim light of his home studio. He was listening to a series of incomplete tracks on a disk. Little snippets of music he was playing around with, hoping to mold into a song. His stroke of inspiration had been short-lived, and his manager was calling daily with updates about the disgruntled Sony execs. JC just wasn't working fast enough for them. He adjusted the headphones and clicked a link on the computer screen. He flipped a few switches on the soundboard. He closed his eyes and moved his head to the beat slightly. He silently mouthed out the notes, trying to convert sounds into words, but nothing would stick. He pulled the headphones from his head and tossed them down. Sighing deeply, he placed his head in his hands and began massaging his temples.

He sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. He had been down in his studio for what felt like days, weeks! After another long sigh, he stood up and stretched. He reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone. He checked the time, 1:45am. He wasn't ready to go to bed, but nothing was happening here either. He sat back at the soundboard, placed his phone next to him and reached for the headphones to try again.

He rested his elbows on the edge of the soundboard and pressed the headphones closer to his ears with both hands, again bobbing his head to the beat. He liked the track, but the words just wouldn't come. Growing more and more frustrated, he was grateful for the distraction of his lit-up phone.  A series of Instagram notifications began to populate his screen. 

proofoflife1 just started a live video

proofoflife1 just started a live video

JC began following Nicole on her ridiculous Instagram account the day after he left her apartment. That was more than two weeks ago, and she had yet to post anything other than an awkward selfie of her and an older woman in front of a sign that read "Aeropuerto Internacional Benito Juárez," with a caption that read "Con La Jefita Vieja." She wasn't doing a particularly good job of providing proof of life. 

He swiped up at the notification, and the Instagram app opened to a black screen. There was rustling noise and muffled laughter. JC watched, confused, for over a minute. No one else seemed to be viewing the video, and ultimately, he closed the app and put his phone back down on the edge of the sound board. It was too late, though. The spiral was turning: What was that about? Did she mean to start a live video? What was she doing? Was she okay? Why had no one heard from her? Had people heard from her? Why hadn't she reached out to him? Why would she reach out to him? Does she need help? Was she trying to ask for help without being obvious? Was she kidnapped? That happens in Mexico, right? Was he her only hope at survival? Jesus Christ Joshua, snap the fuck out of it!

He tried to laugh it off, but it was a fake laugh. He immediately reached for his phone and re-opened the Instagram app. He searched for her account and opened her feed. Four new posts greeted him. The first post was a captionless picture of Nicole and a middle-aged woman standing with masked Lucha Libre wrestlers. A second post contained Nicole sandwiched between the same woman and a younger man. He was lean with long black hair tied back in a messy bun. His scraggly facial hair couldn't hide his youthful appearance. They were seated in colorful boats docked on a shoreline of a canal. The caption read "Colores", and the location tag read "Xochimilco, Mexico." The third post was a candid shot of Nicole carrying backpacking gear, standing in the middle of a long rope bridge high up in a tree covered forest. The caption read, "The journey of 100 kilometers begins with the first step." The final post had 3 pictures, the first image was of Nicole and the same man from the colorful boat picture. He was standing on a rock as watered flowed from above him and down below him in a green pool of water. He had Nicole in his arms. The image was captured mid-swing as he tossed her from high up on the rock to the pool of water below. JC swiped. The second image was of Nicole and the man in the waist deep water below the waterfall. Nicole was balanced on his bare shoulders while his hands gripped her thighs. She was in a sports bra and her arms were spread out like wings. Her hair was braided into four thick rows of braids, and both Nicole and the young man were smiling at the camera. JC swiped again. The final image was of Nicole, the man, and a new young girl sitting in front of a tent at dusk. All three holding bottles of beer up and smiling into the camera. The caption of the post read: "100km Trek complete, and we picked up Molly along the way. Matlaihuitl said I needed a bath, so he threw me in." 

JC scrolled through the feed of four posts again. Pressing and spreading his fingers out to make the images larger. The images spurred something deep inside of him. He wasn't sure if he was happy to see her, if he missed her, or if he was jealous that her half naked body was pressed up against another man. He scrolled a third time, and double tapped each post. Maybe liking the pictures would still the jealousy fluttering in his chest. He scrolled through the images one last time, then closed the app and locked his phone.  He put the phone down and placed the headphones back over his ears. He clicked a link on the computer screen and piano chords began to hum in his ears.

 Suddenly, startled by a pair of hands sliding over his shoulders and down his chest, he pulled the headphones from his ears and turned in his chair. 

"Did I scare you?" Jen asked with a yawn and placed a small kiss on his neck. 

"Y-Yeah!" he stammered, and then turned his chair sharply, and pulled his girlfriend into his lap. He lightly slapped her back side. "You should be punished!" he laughed. 

"I'll take whatever attention I can get!" she laughed and poked out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. 

JC tensed. The smile faded from his face. "I know, I know." he mumbled. His face grew hot, and the guilt began to rest like an anvil on his chest.  

"Oh, babe, I'm sorry. I'm not nagging. I never get you home this much, and I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks. You're always down in this dungeon." She repositioned herself, straddling his lap, facing him, locking her fingers around the back of his neck. "You work so hard. I'm so proud of you." She kissed his lips.

He placed his hands on her hips and squeezed slightly. "I know. It's just..."

She interrupted him with another kiss. Deeper this time. "I just miss you too much." She kissed him again quickly and pulled away with a smile.

JC slid his hands from her hips and down behind her. "Well, we can't have that." He placed a small trail of kisses from her neck, up to her ear, and along her jaw line. 

"No, we can't" she giggled and ran her fingers through his hair. 

He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her deeply. She shifted on his lap seductively. He gripped her backside tightly and stood up from the chair. Jen wrapped her legs around his waist and gripped his shoulders as he carried her up the stairs and headed for their bedroom, leaving his phone vibrating on the ledge of the sound board. 

****

Nicole lay silently in a cool, clean hotel room. As promised, Magdalena's friend's son, Matlaihuitl, escorted Nicole from Mexico City to Oaxaca. They had hit it off, and he agreed to hike the 100km Pueblos Mancomunados backpacking trip with her. They met Molly, another American, on their trek. Nicole and Molly were going to spend a few nights in Centro, at the hotel Matlaihuitl managed, before they ventured back to Mexico City together. 

After a week of backpacking and camping, it was the first night she was able to sleep in a bed in a building that had electricity and running water. Nicole realized she hadn't updated her Instagram in almost two weeks, when she landed in Mexico. She was surprised Matt and Joel hadn't called, emailed, or sent out a search party. Before hitting the shower, she posted her evidence of life, and now that she was clean and lying down in the most comfortable bed, she was surprised she wasn't already asleep.  Deciding to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi, she scrolled through emails. She was typing out a reply to a work email when her phone buzzed in her hands with four consecutive notifications:

Jcchasezofficial liked your post

Jcchasezofficial liked your post

Jcchasezofficial liked your post 

Jcchasezofficial liked your post

Nicole blushed in spite of herself and tapped the notification. It was late, she thought. What is he doing up at almost two am? Freaking out about writer's block and being utterly dramatic, she was sure. She giggled almost aloud. She could hear the steady stream of water flowing as Molly showered. Nicole figured she had some time alone and decided she'd call him. 

She scrolled through her list of phone contacts and tapped his name. The call connected. It rang once, twice...three...four...five times. "I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet. Goodbye." More disappointed than she wanted to be, she powered her phone off and set it on the nightstand. She pulled the crisp, clean sheets up over her shoulders and closed her eyes, hoping to drift quickly off to sleep before the thoughts spiraled in. 

 JC awoke suddenly and with a gasp. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and turned to find the other side of the bed empty. Jen was gone, but the blankets and sheets still held the imprint of her body. JC rolled to his back, and spread his arms and legs out as he stretched with a loud groan. He took a few deep breaths, trying to will himself to get up and get his day started, but his body refused to leave the comfort of his bed. He heard his girlfriend padding up the stairs and into the hallway, and finally the door opened to their room. 

"Babe, your phone has been ringing nonstop," she announced as she entered the room and flung his phone onto the bed next to him. "Are you late for something?" she asked as she entered the ensuite bathroom. 

"What time is it?" JC called after her.

"Almost eleven." She answered. 

JC heard the faucet come on, then off, and then the sound of bristles brushing against teeth. 

"I have a meeting at noon. Vincent Shaw is coming by. He wants me to work on some tunes with him."

"What about Sony?" She asked as she poked her head back into the bedroom, still brushing her teeth.

JC rolled his eyes. Fuck Sony, he thought. "What about it?" He called out his reply, and finally rose from the bed. 

He heard her spit, then the water turned back on again. She reentered the bedroom. "I mean, you said so yourself, this publishing deal is big. Do you think you have time for both?"

He rolled his eyes. She was beginning to sound like Eric. Sony wants this... Sony said that...  You can't do this because Sony, Sony, Sony... He stretched again, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I mean, I can make time." 

"Well, make sure you make time for more of last night," She kissed him quickly on the lips. "I have some errands to run, I'll be back this evening. If you aren't too busy making tunes, maybe we can have round two." She smiled and winked at him, then turned to exit the room. 

JC caught her before she could step away and pulled her back into his arms. "Always have time for round two," he growled as he planted a series of wet kisses on her neck and cheek. 

Jen wiggled out of his arms. "Good, I'll hold you to it." She turned quickly and exited the room.

JC stretched again, and grabbed his phone from the bed. He unlocked the screen and navigated to his call history. He had five missed calls and a slew of text messages. Eric called three times, and had texted him about 25 more. Sony wants a meeting. Of course Sony wants a meeting, he thought. He navigated back to his call history. Vincent called as well. JC was hoping he wasn't cancelling, he was actually looking forward to that meeting. His final missed call came at two am, and it was from Nicole. JC's heart sank slightly. How did he miss this, he was up late last night? His instant reaction was to tap the missed call and call her back, but he was reluctant to appear so eager, and he wasn't sure if she even kept her phone on while she was away. He locked his phone and tossed it to the bed. He took only a few steps towards the bathroom before he turned back and retrieved his phone. He opened up the Instagram app, and searched for her account. He was greeted with a new post. Nicole in the same gray maxi dress she had worn the night they first slept together. An image of her straddling him with that dress pushed up above her waist flashed in his mind, and he flushed slightly.  Her hair was no longer braided and fell in loose waves down past her shoulders. She was standing in front of a food stand with the same younger man from the previous photos. Their arms were interlocked at the elbow, and they were both taking a bite of something. The caption read, "Empanadas de amarillo: desayuno de campeones." The image was posted only fifteen minutes before, so he threw caution to the wind and decided to call her. The phone rang only twice.

"Josh?" she answered softly. 

JC hadn't expected her to actually answer the phone. He had no plan for her answering. "She lives!" was all that spilled from JC mouth, and immediately he shook his head in disgust. 

"Um... yeah," she laughed awkwardly. 

He could hear talking in the background, and the sound of a door opening and closing.

"So, what's up?" she asked, trying to be nonchalant.

"I saw I missed your call."

"Yeah, I saw on Instagram that you were up late. I figured you were fretting about your writer's block and other first world problems." She laughed, hoping the old joke would land this time. 

"Have you known me my whole life, or just four months?" They both laughed and then after a long pause he continued,  "This Sony thing is driving me crazy. I'm sure they're gonna drop me. The funny thing is, I don't think I'd mind it if they do."

"So, why are you even doing it?" She asked him, point-blank.

"What? It's a great publishing deal." He stammered. Suddenly feeling attacked. 

"So? What? Do you need the money? Are you happy?"

"No. What? No. Yes, I mean it's good money. It's a good deal. I mean, a publishing contract is like, this is what I have been working for."

"But, are you happy?" She asked again.

Silence. 

"Why do you need some kind of big-deal contract? What point are you trying to prove, and who are you trying to prove it to?  Who gives a shit if you're miserable staying up at all hours fretting about a song?" Her voice raised slightly, but her questions were met with only silence. 

Finally, JC responded, "Yeah, well, I didn't call you to talk about me." He released a forced laugh.  "How's it going? Looks like you're having fun."

"Oh, Josh, Oaxaca is amazing!" Nicole beamed into the phone.

JC couldn't believe how hearing his name could elicit such strange reactions in him. "Looks like it from the pictures...speaking of pictures, who's the young guy?" JC asked, half kidding. In truth, the curiosity was strangely killing him. "And the red-head," he added quickly as to appear not overly interested. 

"You jealous?" she smiled into the phone.

"Not at all."

Nicole only laughed in reply. 

"He may have youth on his side, but I have experience," JC added.

"You're mighty confident."

"And you know, leave it to you to talk to strangers and make friends wherever you go. I wish I still had that luxury."

"Not everyone knows who you are, Josh." Nicole chastised him.

"It happens enough," he defended.

"And what do they want, a picture and handshake? Maybe the bigger question is why you hate to be recognized."

"Now you're sounding like my therapist." JC tried to laugh her off again.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to. It's just... Be happy Josh. I haven't known you for very long, but I think you could be happier." 

"Like you, huh?"

Nicole laughed. "Is this Josh or Matthew?  Hey, I know I'm fucked up, but I'll tell you what I'm not. What I'm not is a cog in a wheel grinding away for another person's happiness."

Silence.

"Well on that note" JC eventually responded. "This cog has a meeting soon, so I should probably get to grinding," he laughed slightly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "But seriously, like I said, I just wanted to see how you were. Have fun for me, since I'm apparently not having any of my own."

"Oh, Josh, I didn't mean it like that. I just..."

"No, no, I know. I'm just teasing. I really did just want to hear your voice. Proof of life posts don't happen frequently enough." 

"Yeah, no Wi-Fi in mother nature. But, I'm good. I'm glad to hear your voice too. I'll be home in a week. I'd like to see you. I think I owe you a free meal after I made you skip out on your last one."

"Or we can skip right to dessert, again." He laughed.

"No complaints here."

They said their goodbyes and JC disconnected the call. He threw his phone back on the bed, and pulled his shirt over his head and shuffled to the bathroom. He stood at the mirror, placed his hands on either side of the sink and leaned forward looking at his tired reflection. 

"Cog!" he scoffed and sucked his teeth back. "I'm not a cog." He shook his head, pushed off from the counter, and started the shower.

 "Honey. We landed." 

Nicole's eyes fluttered open. She blinked a few times and turned her head in the direction of the voice. 

"There you go, sunshine!" The older woman smiled. "I wish I could sleep like that on planes."

Nicole wiped at her mouth, smiled and mumbled an apology in response. She stood and shifted into the aisle. She pulled her bag down from the overhead compartment. She pulled her phone from the seat pocket, and followed the train of people down the aisle of the plane and into the jetway. She powered on the device, in a matter of seconds notification after notification buzzed through the phone. Not concerned, she ignored the messages and immediately called Matt. He answered after only one ring. 

"Hey, I'm circling, should I park?"

"I don't know. I have to hit customs; not sure how long it will take."

"Okay, I'll park and meet you inside." 

"Okay. See you in a bit."

"Hey."

What?"

"Happy 40th birthday, you old ass bag!" He yelled into the phone with a laugh and immediately disconnected the call. 

Nicole rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face. She took long strides through the airport terminal, trying to beat as many passengers as possible to the customs line. She was surprised to see how short it was and breezed right through. Now she was wishing she had told Matt to circle. Nicole strode through the sliding doors to exit the terminal. Her path emptied into a corral of people anxiously waiting for the arrival of loved ones. Right smack in the middle of the small crowd stood Matt and Joel with a sign and two oversized balloons in the shape of a 4 and a 0. The moment she passed through the door, they screamed her name and started singing happy birthday at the top of their lungs. The song caught on and most of the crowd joined in. Nicole's face transitioned through multiple shades of red. Joel hopped over the corral rope, wrapped an arm around his friend, and placed a kiss on the top of her head, while the crowd cheered.

"You guys suck," Nicole mumbled, trying not to look at the hundreds of eyes staring at her. "Also, they all now think we're fucking." 

Joel pushed her out of his arm and made two small retching noises. "Ew gross!" 

They walked around the group of waiting strangers and met Matthew, still holding the sign and the balloons. 

Matt wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her into a half hug, half headlock embrace, "Welcome home. We missed you." 

"Wish I could say the same." she laughed at him. 

Matt pushed her from his arms toward the exit. Joel pulled her large backpack off her back and led them to his truck in the parking lot across from the terminal. Nicole sighed when she saw the truck. She watched as Joel threw the sign and her backpack into the truck bed and slipped into the driver's seat. Matt stood with the balloons held tightly in one hand, holding the passenger door open with the other and smiling. Nicole mumbled something about why they couldn't take an actual car, as she slid across the bench seat and took her place on the center hump. Joel patted her leg and laughed as Matt successfully wedged himself and the balloons into the passenger seat next to Nicole. The three rode in silence out of the airport and onto the freeway. Nicole cracked a slight smile, nostalgia rolling in. The smile grew larger, and eventually transformed into a small giggle and then a full-on laugh. 

"What?" Joel asked. 

Nicole laughed harder. "You two assholes have been making me sit on this goddamn hump for 20 damn years."

"You're smaller than us, that's why," Joel stated matter-of-factly.

"I can't catch a break? Even on my 40th birthday?" 

"Nope," the two said in unison. 

"Jesus Christ." Nicole suddenly stopped laughing. "I'm 40. This is 40?" 

"Welcome to the club," Matt softly punched her shoulder. 

Before she even knew what was happening, her eyes welled up and the tears began to spill. She wiped at her face quickly, but the tears were streaming. A small sob she tried to disguise as a hiccup bubbled out of her. 

"Are you okay?" Matt asked. "Shit, are you crying? What happened?"

Nicole shook her head, but tears and the catching of her breath every few seconds exposed her reality. 

"Nic, what hell?" Joel panicked as he drove, trying to decide if he should drive faster or pull over. "What's happening, what can we do?"

"I just didn't... I don't... I thought this would look a lot different, I guess," she managed to confess.

Matt reached over, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, and pulled her into towards him. Her face buried awkwardly into his armpit. He exchanged a knowing glance with Joel, who continued down the freeway. They knew she wasn't upset about getting older, she was upset about getting old without Jason. And while she would never admit to missing him, they knew better. 

She composed herself and allowed Matt to release his hold on her. She readjusted herself in the seat and used the rearview mirror to check the puffiness of her face. 

Joel eventually interrupted the silence of the drive, attempting to lighten the mood. "Nic, 40 isn't so bad, I mean my knees aren't what they used to be, but you're fine." After a short silence, he continued, "I mean, you may not want to eat so much because your metabolism slows when you're older and if you get heavy it may not be as easy to land those 20-something Oaxaca guys with Aztec God names." 

Nicole blushed slightly and slapped at Joel's arm. Matt released a loud chuckle, and unsuccessfully tried to cover the smirk on his face with his hand.

"Is that what you guys think of me?" She asked angrily. 

"Did you even see the pictures you posted? They looked very post-coital to me." Matt laughed. 

"You're sick." Nicole responded. "How do you even know what I look like post-coital?" 

"You and Jay banged like rabbits when we lived together, so I unfortunately know exactly what you look like post-coital." Matt laughed. 

"It's okay you can admit it to us, you got your groove back with a 20-year-old." Joel teased.

Nicole rolled her eyes, but the smirk that accompanied the memory of her time with Matlaihuitl gave her away.  

"He's not 20-something. Just so you know." She informed them. "He's 31." Then after a beat, she added, "And my groove was never lost."

****

After a short spell in traffic, the truck cruised easily down the freeway and parked quickly into Matt's driveway. They had informed Nicole that they had a small 40th birthday dinner waiting for her, and that they would take her home after. She protested, wanting to take a shower after the almost four-hour flight, but they held her hostage in the middle seat. As they piled out of the truck, Matt rushed inside quickly. Joel helped her with her backpack, before she could take the steps up to the front door, Joel called her attention to a plant growing in the corner of the yard. 

"Hey, is this new? What kind of plant is this? Matt is so domestic now, is this what's going to happen when I get married?" Joel called out his line of questions.

Nicole laughed and turned her attention to Joel. "Dude, they're roses."

"No, come here, look." Joel waved her over. 

Nicole walked over and joined him by the potted plant. "Roses, dude! Nothing new. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to be more domestic. You wouldn't ask such dumb questions."

Joel shrugged, and led her to the front door. He flung the door open, and allowed her entrance, she froze, and her face lost its color as she was greeted by a loud shout of "Surprise!"  It took about thirty seconds for her to realize what was happening. A sudden rush of people holding phones up moved toward her. She dropped her large backpack to the ground and took a few awkward steps back, trying to leave, but Joel blocked her egress. Joel pushed her bag out of the way and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He whispered "happy birthday" into her ear and kissed her cheek. 

Nicole smiled awkwardly, and Joel dropped his arm from around her. His embrace was quickly replaced by another embrace, and then another, and another. Her heart was racing, it was hard to process everything, and her senses were on overload. Finally, an older woman, with short, graying hair that feathered back and about her face, came into her field of vision.  

"Karen?" Nicole mumbled as she recognized Joel's mother. 

"Oh, sweetie, happy birthday!" Karen hugged her tightly. 

Nicole held the embrace longer than necessary, but it felt so good to see her. She had practically lived at her house when she was a teenager. Joel's parents had basically taken her in when her own mother struggled to maintain her sobriety. Joel's parents had retired and moved to New Mexico five years before, and she had not seen them since.

Nicole pulled back from the embrace, "What are you doing here?" she asked, and then hugged her tightly again.

"We came out for your birthday," Karen smiled and waved her husband over. 

"Paul!" Nicole squealed, as she hugged Joel's father. 

Nicole felt as though she was walking on air. The shock of the surprise took the wind out of her, and it was hard to tell who was all there. She circled the room, saying hello to everyone. One person after the next hugged her and wished her happy birthday: Joel's brother Marty holding his three-year-old daughter, Marty's wife, Alex and Nikki, three teachers from her work, Dan the bartender along with Patrick. The list of people grew longer with each hug. Nicole continued the circuit, smilingly widely. 

Matt popped up suddenly and hugged her again. "Were you surprised?" He beamed.

"Completely shocked. And pissed, I really wish you would have let me go home to change and shower." She looked down at her cut off jean shorts and hiking boots which were too big to pack so she wore them on the plane. 

"We figured if you went home, you'd flake, and Candy spent literally the last two weeks prepping for this, and all-day cooking." He smiled. 

"Where's Candace?" Nicole asked, looking around the room for Matt's wife. 

Matt directed Nicole to the kitchen island. Candace was leaning on the counter, picking at a bowl of chips talking to a man who, though his back was turned, Nicole recognized immediately. Her heart hammered suddenly as she made her way to the kitchen. 

Candace noticed Nicole walking toward her, and she pushed off the counter and moved toward her, arms outstretched, "Birthday girl!" Candace cheered as she pulled Nicole into a tight embrace, and promptly released her. 

The man Candace was speaking to spun around on the swivel bar stool, smiled broadly, and locked eyes with Nicole.

"Josh!" Nicole smiled, surprised most of all by his presence. "What are you doing here?" 

He stood slowly and opened his arms. She hugged him tentatively. "Candace slid an invitation into my DMs," he laughed at his own joke. "Forty is a big one, lady. I had to come."

"I saw him on your Insta," Candace smiled, wiggling her eyebrows.

"It's good to see you." She smiled, and like that she whisked away to another group.

JC smiled, and perched himself back on the barstool. Feeling a little out of place, but once again grateful to be normal. In a room full of strangers, he was not the focus, and no one wanted anything from. He could just be Nicole's friend, Josh. 

The party was casual, and relatively small, but the small size of Candace and Matt's open-concept home made it feel bigger. Everyone huddled in the big living room, kitchen, dining area, sipping beers, and snacking on the spread of various hors d'oeuvres  Candace and been preparing for the last two days. People shared stories about Nicole. With each account, Nicole turned a deeper shade of red. 

The party began to wind down, and as guests began to leave, it was easier for Nicole to relax. She was overwhelmed by the number of guests willing to celebrate her, but it was hard to give her attention to each person. She made a dinner date with Joel's family for later in the week before their return to New Mexico, checked in with her work friends and arranged a time to get together before the start of the new school year in two weeks, and thanked Matt and Candace especially for hosting and organizing this shindig. She scanned the room and locked eyes again with JC. He was seated on the couch engaged in a serious conversation about motorcycles with Alex and Dan the bartender. JC smiled at her and shifted on the couch. He patted the seat next to him, and she smiled and plopped herself down between him and Alex, and while the conversation about motorcycles was over her head, sitting next to him might have been the highlight of the evening.

At a lull in the debate, Dan stood up and announced that he was heading to work at The Brit and that the party should continue, but Nicole shook her head and sighed, "I'm wiped Dan!" 

"Girl, you're 40, not 80!" Patrick quipped from across the room. 

"I have also been gone for three and half weeks, and these bozos," Nicole pointed at Matt and Joel who sat in two armchairs on the other side of the room, "wouldn't take me home to rest, or clean up, before they dragged me here." She smiled.

"Well, you can't go home yet," Candace called from the kitchen. "I want to hear about your trip!" 

"Oh, and that boy from the pictures." Patrick added with a tongue pop.

"Yes, and that boy from the pictures!" Candace called out.

"Yes, tell us about the boy from the pictures," JC added, and patted her leg.

Nicole shook her head disapprovingly, "That's Mag's from Merced's godson. I stayed with her friend and her family when I was down there. They hosted me, made sure I was safe and had a good time."   

"So, was he a good time?" Patrick asked. 

Everyone laughed, and Nicole tossed a throw pillow from the couch at him. 

"I had fun, it was a great trip, and Oaxaca has stolen my heart."

"And you have stolen its virginity," Patrick mumbled loudly. 

"Patrick!" Nicole shouted. 

"What? Go on girl, at 40 younger men like that should be a notch on your bedpost."

"He's 31, Patrick. And that was all we could squeeze out of her in the car." Joel informed everyone.

"Leave me alone, guys! It's my birthday," Nicole whined. 

****

By just before nine pm, the party had all but ended. Most guests had left. Candace kicked her shoes off and flung herself into an armchair, announcing that the cleaning could wait. JC had lingered behind, still seated on the couch and chatting benignly with Joel, who occupied another chair across the room, his fiancé sat pleasantly on his lap. Matt and Nicole re-entered the living room after waving off the final group of guests outside. Nicole yawned and trudged toward her bag, which still lay in the corner of the room. She pulled it up and flung it on her back.

"So, who's taking me home?" She asked. 

"Don't forget you have presents. I put them on the table over there," Candace announced, pointing across the room. 

JC stood suddenly. "You know, I was getting ready to take off, I can drop you off on the way."

"You sure Josh? We can do it." Joel mentioned. 

Candace stood, slapping Joel across the arm as a warning to shut up, and ran to the kitchen to grab a bag for Nicole to put her cards and gifts in. 

"Not a problem," JC smiled. "Here," he strode over to join Nicole at the gift table. "Let me help you with everything, and I'll take you home." 

They packed the gifts, mostly bottles of wine and cards, into the bag. Nicole said her goodbyes to her friends. She thanked Candace profusely, and followed JC out of the house, down the steps, and a few paces down the street where he had parked his Jeep. He opened the back, and she placed her backpack behind the row of seats. JC placed the bag of birthday gifts next to it and walked her to the passenger door. He held the door open, and she slipped inside. He jogged around the front of the car and took his place behind the wheel. 

"All set?" he asked. 

She nodded, and he took off down the street and in the direction of her apartment.

"Did you have a fun birthday?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "Thanks for coming. And for the ride."

The drive to her house was quick. He pulled up to her garage and she jumped out and let him in. He parked in a guest parking spot, and helped Nicole carry her luggage and gifts up to her apartment. The ride in the elevator was silent. Nicole couldn't help but think about her last ride in the elevator with him. She stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye and wondered if the same thought was crossing his mind.  The elevator doors slid open with a ding, and JC followed Nicole down the hall to her apartment. Once inside, she directed him to leave her bag on the ground against the wall in the living room. She set the bag with her gifts on the bar countertop that separated the kitchen from the living room. 

"Thank you." She smiled, suddenly extremely nervous with him standing in her living room. A strange pang of guilt tugged at her heart. She had slept with another man only days prior and now with Josh standing in front of her she felt weirdly bad about it. 

"Oh, I almost forgot, I have something for you too." JC announced as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a slightly bent yellow envelope." 

She walked over to him and pulled the yellow envelope from his hands. "Thank you," Nicole smiled and moved to place it on the bar countertop with the rest of her gifts. 

"Aren't you going to open in?" He asked her. 

"Oh, if you want me to?" She eyed him. 

He nodded in response. 

Nicole slid her finger along the envelope's seal and tore the flap open. She pulled out a sea foam green card covered with golden cartoon drawings of trees, a tent, a bear with honey,  a fox, mushrooms, and a campfire. In the center of the pictures was a quote printed in neat typewritten font, "‘All good things are wild and free' -Henry David Thoreau." Nicole smiled, and raised her eyes to meet him. 

"Thoreau is one of my favorites," she informed him. 

JC smiled. "I know." He nodded toward the crowded bookshelves that lined one of the living room walls.  "I saw the shelf dedicated to him," he smiled. 

She opened the card and a plastic credit card like item slid out. She caught it before it fell. It had a picture of a lake and the title read, "America the Beautiful National Parks Annual Pass." She quickly read the message in the card, written in JC's looping scrawl.  

Happy Birthday, Nicole. I hope this will help you plan your next great adventure. -Josh.

Nicole felt a rush of heat and her heart hammered again in her chest. She looked up at him. He stood timidly across from her.

"I hope you don't have one." He smiled awkwardly. 

"Wow, no. I don't. That's really--" she struggled to finish her sentence. She looked at him, searching his face. They barely knew each other, really, but this gift couldn't have been more perfect. She was terrified, not of him, but of how he made her feel. 

"Yeah, you know, I could tell from your Instagram that you really liked camping and backpacking, so..." he allowed his thought to trail off. He took a few steps closer to her and filled in the gap between them.  

"That's really, thoughtful," she mumbled softly. "Thank you." 

She blinked a few times but struggled to pull her gaze away from his. His eyes were so blue and sexy, it was easy to get lost in them. That, combined with the thoughtfulness of his gift made her slightly weak in the knees. She swallowed hard and finally he made his move. He reached his hand up to her face and rested his palm on her cheek. He rubbed his thumb over her lips and moved in to kiss her. She turned slightly, and his lips met her chin. He kissed her chin and trailed his kisses up her jaw line. He pulled back slightly and moved to kiss her lips again, and once again she turned ever so slightly away.

He pulled away quickly, "What hap- ... Am I... Did I do something wrong?" JC asked her, slightly frustrated by her mixed signals.

She blinked a few times. She was conflicted. He seemed to always ignite a fire deep inside of her. She wanted to jump on him, she wanted to feel him. She wanted him to be as close to her as he could physically be, but her mind swirled with thoughts of Mexico and Matlaihuitl. She felt like a liar. But she wasn't. Nothing was happening between her and Josh. No conversation about what this was, what the parameters were. This was just fun and casual. He could be with whomever he wanted to be with, and so could she. And right now, she wanted to be with him. 

She reached up and placed her arms over his shoulders, hands grabbing at the hair at the back of his neck. She pushed up onto her toes and pressed the back of his neck slightly. His lips crashed onto hers. He kept one hand on the back of her neck and slid his other hand down and cupped her ass. He stepped back closer to her, pushing his body against hers. Lightheaded and slightly off balance, she stepped back a few paces until she bumped into the bar countertop. Her fingers raked through his hair and tugged at the ends of his wavy strands. The sensation of her fingers scratching his scalp and tugging at his hair was an instant turn on. She could feel his erection begin to grow through his pants. She gasped slightly, and he continued kissing her chin and neck. She rolled her head back and breathed his name into the air. He slid his hand up to the waistline of her shorts and slid his fingers under her shirt, up her sides, and around her back. He worked at the hooks of her bra and unfastened it with ease. He pulled away from her, and slid both hands under her shirt and up, pulling her shirt off over her head. He immediately cupped her breasts in each hand and began kissing each through the cotton of her bra. Nicole's temperature began to rise, and her skin turned a shade of pink. She wanted him right here in the living room, but again the small pangs of guilt grew stronger.

She tried to pull away slightly, but he held her close to him as he trailed his kisses from her chest back up to her neck. She mumbled something, but JC didn't care, he wanted to feel more of her skin. She pulled back again, "Stop, stop," she breathed. He instantly pulled back and stepped away. 

"What? What's wrong?" He asked, confused.

"I, I'm not sure if we should do this," she whispered.

"Are you okay, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, I... I think, I know where this is headed, and maybe we should... maybe we should use a condom this time?" she mumbled, looking away from him. 

"Okay," JC replied softly. "Should I be worried about something?" he added.

"No, no." 

"I don't mind, but..." He was afraid to ask his question. "So, why this time?" 

"I guess we should have before, but before I wasn't really..." she was afraid to finish the sentence. She thought he would be mad. 

"What?" He tried to turn her face toward him, but she refused to make eye contact.

"I wasn't sleeping with anyone else before." She still couldn't look at him.

JC cracked an ever so slight grin. He assumed she slept with the guy in Mexico, the thought of it even made him jealous, but her apparent regret or guilt about it now was strangely redeeming. He faked a sigh,  "But you are now? Sleeping with someone else?" 

"Well, I mean, I did," she mumbled and finally allowed her eyes to meet his again. Her breath caught suddenly as she looked at him. He was so sexy staring down at her. He was clean-shaven for a change, and his hair was tousled about from her hands and hung around his face. She was baffled by the effect he had on her. The desire was bubbling deep inside of her. Whenever she was with him, she lost all ability to control herself. All she could think about was him attacking her lips, him pinning her to the bed while he thrust inside of her. She wanted to be that close to him again, and now his silence at her confession was killing her. "I'm sorry. I just... We aren't really..."

"Don't apologize. We're good." He closed the space between them again. He placed his hands on her lower back and pushed her close to him. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her feverishly. He attacked her lips, and her chin, and her neck, and on to her ear. Dragged his tongue over her skin and whispered in her ear. "But did he do this?" Then kissed his way down her neck and onto her collar bone. 

Nicole rolled her head back and gasped. He squeezed one breast in his hand and kissed his way down to her nipple and nipped a few times. "Mmmm," Nicole moaned. 

JC pulled back. "Oh, he did?" 

Nicole smirked and nodded. 

JC moved to her shorts and unbuttoned them. He slid them down her legs, and she stepped out of them. He slid his fingers down her stomach and between the cotton fabric of her panties and her skin. He felt her excitement as he brushed against her clit. She moaned louder. 

"How about this, did he do this?" he asked, then turned her around and pressed her back against him. He continued his progress, kissing and nipping at her neck. He wrapped his arms around the front of her. One hand massaged a breast while the other slid one and then two fingers inside of her.

"MMMM, Josh, yes." She whispered. 

"Look at how turned on you are," he whispered. "Did he make you this wet?" 

"Maybe," she breathed.

JC pulled his hand from her panties, turned her around and kissed her lips hard. He tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth. He ran his hands up and down the side of her body, then looped his fingers into the waistband of her panties, and then bent and lowered them to the ground. She stepped out of them quickly. He pressed her naked body against him and gripped a fist full of hair as he guided her closer to him, allowing him easier access to resume kissing her.  He suddenly released his grip on her hair, reached down and picked her up, walking back a few paces, and placing her on the bar countertop. He kissed between her breasts, and down her stomach. He pulled a barstool out and leaned back against it. He moved her legs apart and lifted them up, so they rested on his shoulders. 

"We gotta do something about these clodhoppers" he motioned toward her hiking boots. 

He kissed the inside of her left thigh, down to her knee, and then moved onto her calf. He unlaced the boot and slid it off her foot. It fell to the ground with a loud thud. He kissed his way back up to her thigh and then moved to her right leg and continued on a similar path. Her right shoe fell with a thud to the ground. He slid his hands up and down her legs. He allowed his right hand to move up to her stomach and down. Sliding his fingers over her center. She moaned, and her body shuddered at his touch. His thumb pushed against her. He kissed the inside of her thighs a few more times and looked up at her. He enjoyed watching. Her entire body flushed and trembled in pleasure as he continued his progress. "Did he do this?" He asked before allowing his tongue to take over for his thumb. 

Nicole panted and moaned. She used her right arm to brace herself on the counter, and her left hand moved to the back of JC's head. It was her turn to grab a fist full of hair. He made a small humming noise as he continued his progress. His tongue circled her and when she thought she couldn't take it anymore he moved his fingers back between her legs and entered her, causing her hips to buck on the counter. 

"Holy fuck, Josh, yes. Josh, please don't stop!" She gasped. 

He pushed his fingers inside of her harder, adding another finger, and his tongue continued its circular path on her clitoris. He felt her getting wetter and noticed her ragged breathing. This, combined with hearing her moan his name over and over, almost sent him over the edge as his own erection pressed against his jeans. He ached to be inside of her. Close to her. Wet and warm. 

Her grip tightened on his hair and her hips bucked upward; she breathed heavily and panted his name as her orgasm washed over her. He slid his fingers from her and used his hands to reposition her legs on his shoulders. He kissed the insides of her thigh and wiped the taste of her from his mouth. He lowered her legs from his shoulder and kissed his way up her stomach, stopped at each breast and kissed his way up to her neck and ear until he was standing. He wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel his erection straining through his pants. 

"Did he make you come like that," he asked her softly. 

She pushed her hand up under his black t-shift. Tracing her fingers across his skin. She pushed his shirt up, and he raised his arms as she slid his shirt from his body. She kissed his chest and allowed her hands to roam over his shoulders and down his arms. She pulled him closer to her, their chest pressed together. 

"Josh, only you make me come like that," she smiled flirtatiously. 

JC groaned, "Mmm, please tell me you have condoms."

Nicole slid from the bar countertop and pulled him by the hand into her bedroom. She opened up a drawer in the dresser and pulled out a small foil packet. JC quickly removed his shoes and pants and sat on the edge of the bed.  She walked over to him and positioned herself between his legs. She reached down and stroked him a few times. JC moaned quietly in response. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him back lightly. He pushed himself up in the center of the bed and laid back. 

Nicole straddled his thighs and placed the condom on the tip of him and rolled it down his shaft. She scooted herself forward, gripped him in her right hand, and guided him inside of her. She eased down on top of him and acclimated to the feel of him. She eased up slowly, and sank back down. Immediately, JC's hands moved to her breasts and squeezed, circling her nipples with the pads of his thumbs. 

She quickened her pace, riding him hard, pushing him deep inside of her, he could feel her closing in around him. His hands moved down to her ass, he squeezed tightly as he pushed his hips up to meet her own thrusts. 

He could feel his orgasm beginning to build, and grunts from deep within him surfaced. "Fuck, that feels so good," he panted, as she slid up and pressed back down onto him. He watched her as her head rolled back, and her hair swung wildly. Her breasts bounced as her rhythm increased. 

JC released his grip on her waist and used his arms to prop himself up, he was close to the edge, and he wanted to feel more of her. He wrapped his arms around her, pushing her chest against his as she continued to bounce in his lap. His hands found her hair and gripped tightly. How could she feel this good, even with a condom? He thrust his hips up as she continued to crash down on him. Her body stiffened, and her breathing changed. 

She held him tight, her nails pressed into his back. "Josh, Oh God, Josh, yes!" she panted, "I'm gonna come." 

"MMMM, Nicole. You feel amazing." He grunted as she tightened around him.  "Uh, that's it, come for me." He felt her body tremble in his arms, and that was all he needed before his own orgasm came crashing after hers. He pushed up into her one last time before his own body shuddered with a groan. 

He released his grip on her hair, and he fell back onto the bed, arms spread out. With him still inside of her, Nicole bent down and kissed his chest. She ran her fingers up and down his stomach, while she caught her breath. After a few moments, she braced herself on his chest and lifted herself off of him, crashing on the bed next to him, resting her head on his left bicep. 

Once JC's breathing returned to normal, he kissed Nicole's temple, smiled casually, and whispered, "Happy birthday," with a soft chuckle. 

"Birth-day sex... Birth-day sex," she smiled and sang out softly. 

He moved his arm out from under her, sat up, and rolled from the bed. "It's the best day of the year giiirrrlll," he sang back as he padded to the bathroom and shut the door. 

Nicole looked on as the soft yellow light emanated from the seam of the door. She heard the toilet flush and the water come on in the sink. The light turned off and JC emerged from the bathroom, still naked, and Nicole found it difficult to look away. He had an average build, his clearly dyed hair was always messy and trimmed to an awkward length, and he was in desperate need of a tan. He was nothing like the men Nicole normally was attracted to, but she was extremely attracted to him nonetheless, and the way her body reacted to him, to his touch, to the way his body felt pressed against hers, was out of her control. He climbed back into the bed and pulled her back to his chest, and held her against him. He dragged his fingers up and down her stomach, even his fingertips drove her wild. Maybe she was addicted to him. 

"Josh?" she mumbled. 

Every time she said his name, his stomach did backflips. He pressed his nose into her hair at the back of her neck, "hhhm" he responded. 

"Can you stay?" Not only did he make her lose control of her senses, she had now lost control of her mouth. As soon as the question was asked, she wanted to grab the words and pull them back in. What was she thinking? Her body stiffened. Asking someone to stay the night violated the cardinal rule of fun and casual, commit free sex: Don't get attached. 

He didn't want to tell her no, he wanted to stay right where he was wrapped around her body, but what would he tell Jen? He had no idea. She thought he was recording. He could tell her he was pulling an all-nighter. She was so trusting. How could he be so unfaithful?  But it was like he was addicted to Nicole, or maybe he was addicted to the person he could be with Nicole. He released his embrace and rolled from the bed. 

"Let me check my phone, and see where I have to be tomorrow," he explained as he riffled through the back pocket of his jeans that he picked up from the floor across the room.  

Nicole watched as the light from the phone screen illuminated his face. She watched his finger slide up the screen, scrolling through messages, and then he typed out some kind of reply. He then locked is phone, returned it to the back pocket of his pants, and then gently folded them and set them on top of her dresser.

He climbed back into the bed, and resumed his position behind her, sliding one arm under her, and the other arm over the top of her, pressing her body close to his, and dragging his fingertips lightly up and down her abdomen once again. "Got a meeting in the morning, so I have to leave by 9." He whispered as he nuzzled his face back into her hair that was gathered at the back of her neck. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

JC's eyes fluttered open. A small crack of light leaked into the room through the blackout curtains. He stretched his arms out with a yawn. After a few deep breaths, he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. The apartment was quiet, except the sounds of the shower echoing through the bathroom door. JC slid from Nicole's bed, and retrieved his clothes from the top of the dresser, where he had piled them last night. He slid on a pair of black boxer briefs, and before unfolding his pants to slide those on as well, he retrieved his phone from the back pocket. There were two messages from his manager and one from his girlfriend. He promptly returned the phone to his pocket and threw the pants onto the bed, not ready to face the reality of the day. This second life he was creating for himself was too comfortable and stress-free to ruin with reality. 

He picked up his shirt and tossed it over his head, sliding his arms through as he fumbled toward the kitchen. He opened up various cabinets and found a stash of coffee mugs and a beat-up looking package of coffee. He searched the counters of the small kitchen looking for a coffee maker. His eyes landed on a metal pitcher shaped contraption that sat on the stove. The outside was stained with streaks of brown. He lifted the lid and saw that the inside walls of the pitcher were stained brown as well and smelled of coffee. He twisted the metal contraption, and it came apart in his hands. He pulled out a funnel shaped metal insert and inspected it. He looked at the coffee package hoping to find directions, but everything was written in Spanish.

He turned the metal parts in his hands. "What am I supposed to do with this," he sighed.

"Give me that!" Nicole laughed, startling JC, who dropped the coffee maker onto the counter.

"Is this your coffeemaker?" He asked.

Nicole responded in the affirmative and quickly went to work filling the appropriate parts with water and coffee, reassembled the percolator, and set it on the stove. She slid down the counter and rested her back against a cabinet, arms folded, eyeing JC, who stood across from her. Her hair was tied up in a towel, and she wore a blue terry cloth robe which loosely covered her body. JC smirked and reached out one hand, pulled both strands of the dangling belt that secured her robe, and positioned her a step closer to him. He looped a finger in the belt, and it came unfastened, causing the robe to open slightly.  She flushed and lowered her arms to her sides, allowing him better access. He took a small step closer to her and reached out his left hand. He gently slid his fingertips down the front of her body, starting at her collar bone, gliding lightly across her skin, down to her tummy, and ever so slightly pushing open her robe.

"Have a nice shower?" asked softly. 

She nodded in response.
He slid his hand under the fabric of the robe and around behind her, stopping at her lower back. He pressed her body against his lightly. He placed his other hand on the side of her face, tilting her head back and pressed his lips to her neck, then to her chin, and finally to her lips. "You should have woken me up, I would have joined you." He whispered before pressing his lips to hers again. He deepened the kiss, parting her lips with his tongue and strengthening the grip on her body with his hands, pressing her hard against him. 

She allowed herself a few more moments of enjoying his kiss before she pulled away slightly and mumbled against his mouth. "Too dangerous." She smiled. "You have this profound effect on me. Once you start, I can't stop." She pushed off his chest, and once again tied the robe around her body. "And I don't have any more condoms." She turned to the stove, picked up the coffee maker, and turned back to him, "Coffee?" she chirped. 

JC picked up the two mugs he left on the counter, looping his fingers through both handles, and held them out for her to fill. She filled both and took one for herself. JC took his coffee and walked out of the kitchen and around to the living room and took a seat at the bar stool facing her, blowing gently over his coffee. After a beat, he asked, "So, condoms. I know we have only done this a few times, but suddenly you're hung up on the condom thing. And, while I am on board for safe sex, you can understand how I'm maybe a little bit concerned that you're not telling me something?"

Nicole eyed him cautiously and took a small sip of her coffee. "I told you yesterday, before, I hadn't been with anyone else."

"Like since you were engaged?" He asked, surprised. 

Nicole snorted and laughed, "No!" After a pause, she continued, "I mean, I hadn't been with anyone in a while. I check things out regularly, you know. When I have physicals and annuals and things."

JC made no attempt to reply. He took a slow sip of coffee.

"I don't know, I guess I figured, you know, you were going to be a onetime thing, and I don't have to worry about the kids thing, and I trusted you were clean or whatever. Which, now hearing that said aloud, sounds so bad... I guess I just, I don't know...you know if we're gonna to keep doing this," she waved her finger back and forth between them, "then I figure I should be honest with you... And, now I am rambling, so feel free to stop me at any time." Nicole laughed awkwardly. She leaned against the counter across from him, set down the mug, and watched as the steam curled up from the surface. 

"A onetime thing, huh?" JC asked with a slight chuckle, lightening the mood slightly. "Explains a lot." He muttered softly. 

"What?" She asked, surprised.  

"The first time, you wouldn't let me kiss you, and you were mortified when Joel saw me here the next morning." He sipped his coffee, eyeing her, waiting for her response.

Nicole stayed quiet. She had nothing to add. She didn't think their relationship would continue past that night, she needed to maintain some semblance of control. No need to get too attached, so she refused to kiss him. And Joel! He's so desperate for her to "move on" she knew exactly what conclusions he would jump to. She didn't want to get his hopes up. 

"But I get it. I'm just that good; you just needed to come back for more," he said with a crooked smile, wagging his eyebrows up and down. "And I am clean." He added. "And what do you mean you don't have to worry about the kids thing?" He emphasized his question with finger quotes. 

"Oh, I can't have them. Most of the parts got removed after the accident," she waved her hand in a circular motion across her abdomen. 

"Shit, sorry." JC replied softly, averting his eyes. 

"Oh, no, no, it's okay. I mean, it wasn't something I wanted to do, you know, have kids."

"You and Jason didn't want to have a family?" 

"Wow. You really like to dig in deep with the personal questions."

"Just curious, I guess." 

"No. I mean, my father killed himself and my mom was an abusive alcoholic," Nicole announced matter-of-factly.  "Jay had no clue who his father was, so I mean, why risk fucking up a whole new generation? It's not like we learned from the best or anything," she added with a shrug of her shoulders. 

"I understand. The thought of kids is terrifying. I had good role models, but I don't know, I can't help but wonder if inherently or genetically me having kids isn't in anyone's best interest."

"That's dark."

"Me? Your dad died by suicide and your mom was an abusive alcoholic, so I'm just trying to compete, here!" he laughed, hoping she would appreciate his attempt at lightening the mood.

"You can't win the trauma competition," Nicole sipped her coffee quickly and continued, "Don't forget, the love of my life also bled out in front of me, and I'm sterile."

"Jesus Christ! Your ability to emotionally detach is impressive." 

"It's a gift!" she chimed, batting her eyelashes. She pushed away from the counter and pulled the towel out of her hair. She shimmied her fingers through the roots and allowed her damp hair to cascade down over her shoulders. She shuffled toward the bathroom to hang the towel and called out to him, "Do you hear that?" 

JC swiveled the bar stool to face the general direction of her voice, "Hear what?" he called back. 

She didn't respond, but he could hear her footsteps traverse the bedroom. She emerged with his phone in her hand. The screen was lit, and the device was buzzing. JC's heart sank. His face paled, and brow furrowed slightly. He was trying to appear calm, but a heavy pit formed in his stomach, concerned that Jen's name was flashing across the screen. 

She eyed the screen quizzically. "Who's Eric?" she asked, handing him the phone. "He keeps calling."

JC heaved a sigh. "Oh, just my manager," he mumbled and promptly took the phone from her, placing it face down on the counter, allowing it to vibrate and rattle against the hard granite countertop. 

"Do you need to answer it?" 

"Need? Probably. Want to? Absolutely not." 

"Is he who you are meeting with in a bit?" 

"Unfortunately."

"Then don't go."

"Easier said than done." JC stood abruptly and stretched his arms over his head. "It's a big contract, and he's worried I'll blow it."

"Well, if he's more worried about your contract than you are, that should tell you something."

"Precisely why I don't want to answer his call." He reached over, grabbed Nicole's hand, and pulled her to him. He spun her around, wrapping his arm around her, pulling her back up against his chest. He placed a small kiss on her neck. "Plus, I have other things I'd like to do today, besides meet with my manager."

"Oh yeah. Like what?" She asked, feigning ignorance. 

"Like this." He replied and slid his hand down the front of her robe and gripped her breast. He circled her nipple with the pad of his thumb, while nipping at her ear lobe with his teeth. "And maybe this..." He slid his hand down her chest and stomach. Nicole shuddered at his touch, and reluctantly pulled away, turning in his arm to face him. His phone again began vibrating against the counter. 

"Don't start something you can finish," she smiled, eyeing the phone. 

JC picked up the phone reluctantly and swiped to answer the call. "Hey E... Yeah... No, I know... Look, I'm busy, so I can't talk..." Nicole placed a series of small kisses on his neck, then onto his jaw line, and eventually pressed her lips to his. He smiled devilishly and pulled away slightly to continue his conversation. "Look E, I don't care what you tell them, I'm not coming... Tell them I'm feeling inspired... Look, I have to go." He pulled the phone from his ear and ended his call. He tossed it on the counter, and immediately it started buzzing again. He picked it up, swiped to answer it, and immediately ended the call, then powered off his phone. 

He looked down at Nicole,  "Well honey, you got me all day, and I intend to finish everything we start."

JC sat in the small shower stall sized glass recording booth of his home studio, strumming the guitar balanced on his knee. He hummed along with the chords and sang a few lines. Stopped, restarted, and sang the few lines again.  Still unsatisfied, he repeated this process three more times, changing his inflection and stressing different syllables. He stopped and looked up, surprised to see his manager, Eric, standing on the other side of the glass. JC promptly exited the glass booth and met Eric next to the soundboard. 

"Sounds good. Glad to see you're working." Eric reached his hand out to shake JC's.

JC shook his hand unenthusiastically. "Yeah, E., contrary to popular belief, I am still actually working," he replied. 

"Well, if you'd return a damn phone call."

JC ignored the comments and pressed buttons on the soundboard, shutting things down. 

"You're under contract, you know." Eric reminded him. 

JC waved away his remark, turned abruptly, and left the studio. Eric followed him into the kitchen. JC's girlfriend, Jen, was seated on a bar stool at the large marble island, typing away on her laptop, an open bottle of a wine and half-full glass sat next to her.  JC, pulled another glass down from a cabinet, topped off his girlfriend's glass, and filled his own with the wine. Still ignoring Eric, he took a long pull from his wine glass. 

"C, what can we do? I can only decline so many meetings."

JC did not respond. He carried his wine glass to the opposite counter and busied himself flipping through mail. Jen remained seated, pretending to remain occupied by her computer, but she followed JC with her eyes. 

"C-" Eric called at him. But he refused to acknowledge him. "JC!" He snapped, even startling Jen. JC turned abruptly with a sigh. 

"I'm doing my thing, Eric. But If I'm going to write songs, I gotta do it on my own time, man."

"I can only make excuses for so long. They want to see you tomorrow, and you need to show up, and you need to show up with some songs."

"I don't have anything completed," JC explained. 

"Jesus Christ, JC. What have you been doing the last month? I keep telling them you are working, and you're busy, but they know that's not true. You won't let me book you for anything. I mean, if you're going to stall, you gotta at least keep your name out there, actually look like you're too busy to write songs. You wouldn't even let me throw you a birthday party last month, come on JC, you gotta give me something here," Eric pleaded.

JC only shrugged in response and took another sip of wine, then returned to his close inspection of the mail. 

"Let me send you to the ETAF gala next week." Eric turned to Jen, "Jen, you look so beautiful in an evening gown." He walked a few steps closer to JC, "C, man, let me get you out there, remind Sony you're worth the wait. Maybe it can get you some more time. Let me book you some more time in that studio you liked in Long Beach, you really came out of there with some good tracks." 

"Isn't that where you've been working?" Jen, finally spoke. 

JC flinched slightly. Maybe if he just ignored Jen's remark, he could pretend like he didn't hear it. He had been using that studio as a cover for the second life he was creating for himself in Long Beach. The life where he wasn't JC, but just Josh. Where he could hide from reality in Nicole's bed a few nights a week. 

"I thought you've been working from here?" Eric asked, confused. 

Fuck, JC thought. So much for ignoring it. He turned quickly, tossed the mail on the counter. "Here, there, doesn't matter. Eric, you know how I work. I need a partner. I need time."

"Well, I hope tomorrow at 10 is enough time, because that's when Sony wants to hear something," Eric sighed. 

"Whelp, I guess there is only one thing to do. Tell them I quit." JC left the kitchen without another word. 

"Can't you do something?" Jen asked Eric, sliding from the barstool. Eric shrugged. 

JC returned to the kitchen wearing black motorcycle boots and a leather jacket. He pulled a set of keys from a hook, and patted his pockets, checking for his phone and wallet. He exited down the stairs and into the garage, allowing the door to slam behind him. He started his black Triumph motorcycle, and before Jen could come after him, exited out of the garage and down winding Sunset Plaza Road, then through the bird streets of Beverly Hills, and then finally south on the freeway.

***

Nicole sat at the awkward bend of the Brit's bar counter near the door.  This was her regular "working" spot, as there were always fewer people, and the location was further away from the speaker connected to the digital jukebox. She rested her elbow on top of a manila folder filled with various pieces of lined paper and other articles of student work to grade and stared down at a faded chess board lined with cheap plastic chess pieces that sat on the counter in front of her. She clutched a half-full wine glass in her hand as she eyed the board, contemplating her next move. 

Dan slid down the bar to her, a cocktail shaker sloshing around the contents of what was sure to be a strong beverage over his left shoulder. He looked at Nicole and the board out of the corner of his eye.  "You haven't moved yet?" He laughed at her. "Good thing it's not speed chess."

"Okay, grand master, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, remember?"

"Not a grand master, Class B 1621," Dan shrugged and slid back down the opposite end of the bar, opened the shaker, and poured a cloudy pink liquid into a rocks glass. "Pay attention to my knight and my bishop," he called back to her. "Those are the pieces that are about to kick your ass." 

Nicole sighed, and pushed her rook across the board in retreat. Not very satisfied, but content with her move, she shifted her attention to the manila folder and skimmed the contents of the top page. She wrote a quick comment with her red pen and circled the score at the top of the paper before flipping to the next one. She scored a few more papers, when her attention was drawn to Dan refilling her wine glass. 

"Smart, maybe if I drink more, these papers will look better?" Nicole laughed.

"Maybe you'll get better at chess too," Dan teased. 

"You're supposed to be giving me lessons, not using me for target practice." 

"Did you read the book I gave you?"

"No, of course not," Nicole answered with a small chuckle.

"Well, you have to study if you want to improve."

Nicole didn't respond. She turned her attention back to her stack of papers, while Dan pushed his bishop a few spaces closer to her knight.

"So, where's the other half tonight?" Dan asked. 

Nicole eyed the board. "Other half?

"Don't play dumb, girl."

Nicole rolled her eyes in response. 

"What's the deal? Are we making this official yet?" Dan pressed.

"No, we aren't making this official yet." Nicole mocked. 

"Is that by your choice or his? Because If you're the hold up, girl, we are going to have a problem."

"By no one's choice." Nicole pinched the knight between her fingers.

"Uh-uh-uh, you sure about that move?" Dan asked. 

Nicole released the chess piece.

"Are you seeing anyone else?" Dan asked, leaning in, resting his chin on his hand as he rested his elbow on the bar top.

"No," Nicole replied softly. 

"Do you want to see anyone else?"

Nicole shrugged. She pinched the top of her bishop. "Why do we need to ruin a good thing by putting some kind of relationship tag on it?"

"That's a defense move, there, with your bishop. But honey, sometimes you need to take risks, and make sacrifices," Dan purred, as he pushed his knight across, the board, "Check mate" he added.

Nicole rolled her eyes and pushed away from the bar. "I'm here for chess lessons, not life lessons," she grumbled at him. She stood, placed her oversized purse on the bar stool, and dug through it to find her cigarettes. She pulled the pack from the bottom of her bag, flung the bag atop of the stack of papers to grade, and shuffled to the outdoor patio. 

Shortly after Nicole's departure, the front door to the bar flung open. JC walked in cautiously, dressed in all black, with his motorcycle helmet wedged between his ribs and his elbow. Dan recognized him immediately as he slowly walked up to the bar. 

"Speak of the devil," Dan laughed to himself. "Hey Josh, Nicole made it sound like you weren't joining her tonight. Vodka soda?" Dan asked with a smile.

"Oh, she... is she here?" JC asked. 

Dan nodded to the chess board and Nicole's stack of papers. He spun a glass in his hand and raised it at JC questioningly.

"Okay," JC answered as he walked over to Nicole's belongings. "Nicole wasn't home, so I figured I'd come by here to see... um, where is she?" 

Dan poured vodka into the glass with one hand and motioned with his other hand that she was smoking. JC set the motorcycle helmet on the counter and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. He pulled out a few bills and slid them across the counter. Dan set his drink down, but JC ignored it. 

JC walked slowly through the bar. He was stopped momentarily by a bar patron he had chatted with on a previous visit. He was becoming a bit of a regular, and the thought was strangely validating at this precise moment. He stood at the patio door, scanning the small crowd. His eyes landed on Nicole immediately. She was standing, arms locked in a waltz position with an older man, who looked to be in his 70s.  The man wore a pink Hawaiian shirt, his white hair was thinning on his head, but grew in a thick above his lip. He led Nicole in a basic waltz step forward, right, back, repeat. Nicole's laugh was loud. Her eyes closed tightly, and she flung her head back as she laughed deeply, allowing the man to spin her around. She was clearly having a good time, but a small part of her remained reserved. JC recognized this as her standard look. Always an edge about her, she never seemed to fully let herself go. Always on guard, as if the levity of any moment could end just as quickly as it started, and she wanted to be prepared. JC appreciated it. He was cut out of the same cloth, too jaded by disappointment. That commonality made their relationship what it was: expectation free.

JC watched her dance for only a moment before he joined the dancing couple. He walked up behind her and interrupted, "May I cut in?" 

The older man smiled. "I can't compete with younger men," he laughed, and spun Nicole to face JC. 

It took a moment for Nicole to register his presence. He tried to keep the dance steps going, but she stopped immediately once he gripped her right hand in his and wrapped his other arm around her back and rested his hand on her shoulder blade. His presence really threw her for a loop. She was seeing him at least a few days a week for the past month, but she was not expecting him today, and now his unannounced appearance at the Brit seemed more significant than it should, and that scared the shit out of her. 

"She stepped slightly back and broke their dance form, "Josh? What are you doing here?" 

"You weren't home, so I assumed you were here."

"What? Why?" She broke away from his dance embrace completely.

"I- well, I needed to get out, go for a drive, and well, I had some big news, and I wanted to tell you in person."

Her heart pounded in her chest. Why did he need to share big news with her? Her breathing began to shallow. "What news?" she asked nervously.

"I quit!" His face broke into an immediate smile, followed by a goofy head bob, and a silent laugh. 

"You what?"

"I quit. My contract. I told my manager I was done." He smiled wider, expecting her to be excited. When she didn't react, he added, "You know, no more cog in a wheel?" He held his arms out a little in a pantomime of excitement, wiggling his fingers slightly.

"Okay. Okay. So, what does this have to do with me?" Nicole asked, taking a couple of awkward steps back from him. 

"What?" He asked, confused. 

She turned and walked back into the bar. Surprised, JC followed her quickly back inside and joined her as she resumed her seat at the bend of the bar counter. 

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked, sitting down next to her. 

"Yeah, I mean..." She trailed off as she noticed the motorcycle helmet on the counter. "Did you ride your motorcycle here?"

"Yeah, I needed to clear my head. I just got on the bike and road around. I sorta impulsively quit, but I mean I think I am glad I did it," he explained. 

Nicole didn't respond, she just remained seated, blinking at him. 

JC continued, "I guess that's why, you know, I came to see you. I thought, maybe, you'd be happy for me." 

Still no reaction from Nicole. 

"Or maybe, I guess, I just want validation that I did the right thing." He confessed. "I don't really know why I am here, Nicole." He felt his temper rise. "But I don't think I expected this. I can go. I wasn't trying to disturb your chess practice and your ballroom dancing lessons in the retirement community gay bar," JC stood quickly and moved to grab his helmet. 

Nicole registered his frustration and immediately stood, placing herself between him and the bar. She grabbed his hand, preventing him from leaving. She reached her free hand up and rested it on his shoulder to balance her as she moved onto her toes. She kissed him suddenly and deeply. JC was taken off guard and froze at first, but when she moved both hands around his neck and increased the depth of the kiss, he complied. 

"I wasn't expecting to see you today, but I am glad you're here." she mumbled into the kiss.

JC moved his hands to her waist. The bottom of her shirt raised slightly as she reached up. His pinky finger made the slightest contact with her skin, sending a small current through her body. The things this man did to her were beyond comprehension. The smell of his cologne, the scratch of his patchy beard on her skin, everything about him pushed her past the limits she created for herself. She knew she was nearing the point of no return, but maybe Dan was right. Maybe it was time to take some risks, make some sacrifices, take a chance.

"Get a room!" Dan called from the other side of the bar. 

Nicole pulled away reluctantly, a slight blush forming on her skin. She loosened her grip around his neck and rested back flat on both of her feet. 

"Wow," JC breathed, smiling down at her.  "So, you approve, then?"

"I approve of us getting out of here." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, let me help you pack this stuff up." JC reached across the bar top and raised the stack of papers. He shuffled them in his hands, straitening them out, and placed them in her bag, before ushering her out of the bar and onto his motorcycle.

 JC sat back in the green velvet armchair. A tall, muscular black man with shoulder-length dreadlocks tied back behind him in a low ponytail eased into the matching green velvet sofa across from him. A moment later they were both joined by JC's manager, Eric, who handed each a small leather-bound menu. 

"Do you think I can read To Kill a Mockingbird while I drink the Tequila Mockingbird?" JC laughed, not looking up from the menu. "Where did you bring us, E.?" 

"Well, it's called the Library bar, so false advertising if you can't check out books while you drink." Eric laughed. "Who doesn't love a good theme," he added as he called the waitress over. "Zaire, JC, do you know what you are having?"

The drinks arrived quickly. Eric watched on as JC and Zaire chatted about previous jobs and gigs. The two had never worked together before today but knew a lot of the same people and ran in similar circles. Eric seemed unimpressed, but JC couldn't remember the last time he actually enjoyed a day of work. 

"Layering on that Latin kit was fire, today, JC.  I'm looking forward to sending it to Becky Hill. Dallas was right, I needed a fresh set of ears. Glad we could make this work out today," Zaire took a final sip of his drink. 

"Yeah man, any time. I've been working on tunes solo the last few months, and it's nice to work with someone else again," JC eyed Eric as he spoke. 

"So, I got three more tracks for her album that I could use your magic touch with. What do you say, you up for it?" 

"Well," JC smiled and turned to Eric, who sat back, arms crossed. "I very recently have quite a bit of time on my hands, isn't that right, Eric?"

"I'll reach out and coordinate schedules," Eric forced a smile, then took a drink from his glass.

"Hey E., how about you get us another round, so we can celebrate?" JC smiled conspiratorially. 

****

"So, I will leave the career day information with your secretary, I really hope you can make it, and please pass the information on to anyone you know who might be interested." Nicole smiled and stood up from the plush office chair. 

"Thanks Miss Bell." Alan Sheffield, managing director of Boston Consulting Group, rose from his seat as well and reached over his large cherry wood desk to shake Nicole's hand. "And the kids are ready for the pitch competition next week?"

"Yeah! They are. Their mentors came yesterday and helped them practice, they're excited. But truthfully, I don't know if they're more excited about the competition or the free food." Nicole laughed and turned for the door. 

Mr. Sheffield followed her out. "It's nice working with you again this year. You're one of the more organized BCG Young Entrepreneurs advisors. I appreciate all the work you do, and I am sure the kiddos do too." 

"It's fun, and while clearly I do it for them, I benefit. I mean, look at this view!" She walked past the secretary's desk and looked out of the floor to ceiling windows. "I would never be on the top floor of the Paul Hastings Building otherwise." She turned back to face him. "Plus, these small glimpses into corporate life are very validating."

"Validating?"

"Yeah, this is not for me!" She laughed. 

"Well, there's no way I could do what you do every day. We will see you and the kids next week." Before reentering his office, he stopped at his secretary's desk, "Ms. Bell has some information about the school's career day, see if we can fit it into the schedule."

Nicole left a folder of information at the secretary's desk and headed for the large elevators in the center of the floor. As she waited for the elevator to arrive, she slid a foot from the black pump she was wearing and stretched her foot. She never dressed this nice for work, only on BCG Young Entrepreneur days. She slid her foot back into her shoe and pulled her phone from her purse. She had felt it buzz during her meeting with Mr. Sheffield. She warmed at the name on the screen. 

Josh: I know it's out of your Long Beach bubble, but I'm at this place you'd be into. I'm having a "The Lion, the Whiskey and the Wardrobe" right now. HAHA

Josh: Yelp: Library Bar l Downtown l Cocktail Bars 

Nicole tapped the link as she entered the elevator. She scrolled through the images of the literature themed bar.  It seemed way too fancy for her, but she could see how he made the connection. 

She exited the elevator into the garage and walked to the valet. She was just about to hand her ticket to the valet but changed her mind. 

"How late can I park here?" she asked?

"10 ma'am."

"Okay, I'll be back." 

Nicole immediately returned to the elevator and took it to the lobby floor. No use wasting free downtown parking. She pulled up the Library Bar address, and fortunately for her aching feet, she would only need to walk a few blocks. She wasn't sure if Josh was still there, but he had only messaged her about twenty minutes before. And, if he were gone, she imagined she'd drink a literary theme cocktail and send him a thank-you text with a picture. 

She borderline hobbled around the corner and up the block. She wondered how businesswomen in downtown managed to walk around in heels all day.  As a teacher and running coach, her work uniform was sneakers and track pants. She stopped short of the bar entrance and eyed her reflection in the window of the storefront next door. 

She was wearing a gray pantsuit, with a monochromatic plaid print. Her pants stopped above her ankles to show the uncomfortable but very fashionable heels. She wore a black sleeveless top that hung low, but a camisole and coordinating blazer helped her maintain a modest appearance. As she eyed her reflection in a window, she worried she looked too modest. She was about to walk into a fancy bar to surprise the sexiest man she knew. She wanted to look the part. She immediately removed her blazer and hung it over her purse, then reached up under her blouse and pulled down the camisole, to expose more skin. She reached up and pulled the hair tie holding her hair in a ponytail. She ran her hand through her hair a few times, allowing the cascade of waves to fall past her shoulders. She looked herself over once more, brushed her hands down the front of her a few times, and confidently marched into the bar. 

It was still early, the start of happy hour, only about five o'clock, so the crowd in the bar was small. She quickly spotted JC seated in the back corner with two other men. He was seated in a green armchair across a small coffee table from two men on a matching green sofa. They looked to be in a serious conversation, and immediately she grew nervous. She had a flash to the other night when JC showed up unexpectedly at her bar. She remembered how off balance that initially made her feel. But a second thought flashed in mind. Her body pressed against his on his motorcycle as he drove her home from said bar. And the weight of his body on her in her bed shortly after. Then his smell, and the taste of his mouth. The thought of them together caused her to flush, and she snapped back to reality. Just in time for him to notice her. 

"Nicole?" JC called out to her. He stood staring at her, mouth slightly open in surprise. 

Nicole took a deep breath, forced a smile, and did her best to walk confidently toward him. 

"Hey! Thanks for the recommendation. I was at a meeting around the corner and I figured I'd wait out traffic a bit before I went home," she lied. She wasn't waiting out traffic; she was hoping beyond all hope that he'd be here, and she could see him. 

JC remained standing. His eyes roamed her small frame, noting the attire. He had never seen her dress so nicely before. She was miss casual. Something about her now, and in heels, sent him spiraling. He wanted to keep staring at her, and another part of him wanted to ravish her right there in front of everyone. 

"JC, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Zaire spoke up. 

"Oh, ye-yes. Um, this is my friend Nicole. Nicole, this is Zaire Koala. We are going to be working on some tracks together, and this," he turned to his manager who eyed him curiously, "is Eric, my manager." 

"Oh shit. This is a business thing." Nicole shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

Zaire stopped her apology. "Please, join us. Lovely women are never an interruption. A distraction? Maybe. But never an interruption.  Besides, the business is over, and now we are just celebrating." Zaire patted the couch between him and Eric. 

Nicole sat next to him. He handed her the leather-bound menu. "What are we celebrating?" She asked, eyeing JC over the menu. 

"My freedom and new partnerships," JC smiled and raised his glass to Eric. 

Nicole smirked slightly. She had never met Eric, but she had created an image of him in her mind that was reminiscent of Ari from Entourage. In real life, he seemed harmless and way less sleazy. 

The waitress delivered her drink only minutes after ordering, and she sipped it slowly. She followed the conversation among the three men. She smiled at appropriate times and laughed when they laughed. She realized quickly she had nothing to contribute, and that made her nervous. The thoughts began to spiral in.  Every one of her friends knew him, they had all hung out with him. He was becoming a regular in her life. JC had fit so easily into her world, but she had yet to venture into his.

"So, Nicole." Eric snapped her from her pensive trance. "What do you do? You said you work around here?"

"She's a teacher." JC answered for her. 

Nicole eyed him, surprised by his quick answer.

"Where?" Zaire asked. 

"I teach English a few miles south of here. I am also the advisor for the Young Entrepreneurs group. My kids do this business competition. We work with BCG. They are in the Paul Hasting building. I had a meeting with the managing director. We have our first round of competitions next week, and I'm trying to get him to come and talk at our career day in a few weeks."

"Career day. How fun. That's cute." Eric smiled.

Nicole tried to ignore the patronizing tone. "Yeah, you interested? I can get you in at a prime-time slot?" She asked sweetly.

"What school do you work at, Nicole?" Zaire asked before Eric could respond. "I went to public school in South LA. At Dorsey."  

"OOOH. Man! I worked at Crenshaw for a long time. Big Rivalry." She smiled at him. "I work at a charter school now in the South Park Neighborhood."

"You specialize in tough schools, then, huh, girl?" Zaire smiled. "When did you leave Crenshaw? Were you there for the state championship?"

"No, I left in 2012. But the football team had a serious rebirth when I was there. De'Anthony Thomas was one of my favorite students."

"Are you name-dropping?" JC asked her, smiling. 

Nicole shrugged and took a long sip, finishing off what was left of her drink. "Well, gentlemen. Thanks for letting me crash your celebration. Josh--er-- JC, it's always a pleasure. Nice meeting you both, Zaire. Eric, think about career day, it's November 12th." She stood quickly and hoisted her purse onto her shoulder. 

JC stood as well.  He stepped out from around the coffee table and held his arm out in the direction of the door. "I'll walk you out," he said with a smile.

Nicole slipped out of the exit, JC right behind her. She turned to him and smiled shyly. "Sorry for crashing your business thing."

"Not a problem." He smiled, raised an arm, and brushed his fingertip across one of her bare shoulders. "You look amazing, by the way." He bent down slowly and placed a small kiss on her neck, and the second kiss on her shoulder. "Let me know you get home safely."

****

It had been a week since Nicole had last seen JC at the Library bar. Quitting his job with Sony had probably been the best decision he could have made for himself, as his calendar of work was filling up. He was in New York for the week, and his absence was more noticeable than she had anticipated. Prior to this New York gig, they had talked almost daily, and he had spent at least two nights a week with her. The void she was now experiencing made it increasingly difficult for her to maintain a casual facade. Fortunately, five weeks into the school year meant she was growing busier and busier, leaving her little time to do much of anything, let alone pine for JC. 

It was a late Thursday afternoon. She had arrived home from work at a reasonable hour and decided to go for a run along the bike path on the beach. She completed her 4-mile route and jogged to a stop at the bottom of the stairs that led up to the street from the beach. Music pulsing through her headphones, she stretched her legs, hanging her heel off of the top of the bottom step, bouncing slightly. She wiped the sweat from her upper lip with her shirt sleeve on her shoulder, then charged up the staircase. Halfway up, the music halted, and the loud ringing of her phone sang through her headphones. She took the last few steps, stopped, and pressed the button on the wire of her headphones to answer the call. 

"Hello," she panted into the small mic on the headphones wire. 

"Nicole?" A deep voice hummed through the line. 

"Yeah. Who's this?" Nicole asked, still catching her breath. The voice sounded familiar, but she struggled to place it. 

"Hey! It's Zaire. We met last week. JC gave me your number." 

"He did?" Nicole mumbled, confused. 

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you the other day. And I wanted to see if you'd let me take you out to dinner sometime. Maybe this weekend? JC might have mentioned that you weren't seeing anyone." 

"JC mentioned that?" Nicole's heart sank into the very pit of her stomach, and all the blood seemed to rush from her head. She stopped walking and leaned against the railing at the top of the stairs. She felt a stitch in her chest, and tears began to sting in her eyes. She took a deep breath, and blinked a few times, trying to regain her composure.  

"Nicole? Did I lose you?"

"Um, no. Hey, I'm just out finishing up a run. Can I call you when I get home? I'm a little out of sorts" she forced a laugh. 

"Yeah, just use this number. I look forward to your call."

 JC sat on the cream-colored leather sofa, feet extended, crossed at the ankles resting on a dark wood coffee table. He held a TV remote in one hand, changing the channels quickly, and repeatedly flipped his cellphone on his thigh with his other hand. From time to time, he would pause the rotation of his phone and check his text app, but no reply. He had been home for a week, and Nicole had no time to see him because all of her free time was spent with Zaire. He missed her and he missed Long Beach. She was his in, and now he had ruined it. Why couldn't he have just come up with some kind of excuse and not given Zaire her number. But the thought had never crossed his mind that she would agree to go out with him. He sighed, unlocked his phone, and shot off a very curt message:

Josh: How's the date?

He stared down at the phone, waiting for a reply. He watched as the message changed from delivered to read, but no reply. No dots. He tossed the phone to the other end of the couch and sat back, focusing all of his attention on the flicker of the screen as he resumed changing channels. 

"How do you know what you're watching, you keep flipping through so quickly?" Jen asked him as she entered the room. She walked over to him, straddled him, and sat gently on his lap.

He paused his channel flipping and looked up at her through his thick eyelashes. She bent down and kissed his cheek, then his chin and finally his mouth. He sat motionless. She raised up and smiled at him. 

"Are you okay?" She asked him, as she moved from his lap. She slid behind him and sank down between him and the back of the couch. Her feet rested on either side of him, and her knees bent up, wedged between his arms and his sides. She kissed the back of his neck a few times and massaged the tense muscles of his shoulders. "You've been sorta, I don't know, tense since you got back from New York? Everything go okay there?"

JC allowed her to rub his shoulders, but he remained tense, and leaned slightly forward, resting his elbows on his lap, holding his head in his hands. "Just tired I guess," he answered her, rubbing his eyes. 

She ran her hands down his back and up back to his shoulders and down his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed between his shoulder blades. When he didn't respond, he ran her hands down his stomach and under his shirt. He stood suddenly and took a step away from the couch. He turned to her slightly, "I'm sorry," he offered, and then headed straight downstairs to the home studio. 

****

Nicole on the concrete island in the middle of Matt and Candace's kitchen. She swiveled in the bar stool and tapped her foot nervously. Kaylee sat next to her, slicing a baguette and organizing the pieces on a platter that Candace had pulled down from an upper cabinet. The two women were in a very animated discussion about Kaylee and Joel's wedding plans. Nicole chewed on her pinky nail and feigned interest in the details. She had a dress fitting in a few weeks, that was all she needed to know for now. In the meantime, her thoughts were growing more and more occupied by Josh. She had been avoiding all communication with him for close to two weeks, but the further she pushed him away, the more space he occupied in her mind. 

"More champagne?" Candace asked Nicole, snapping her out of her haze. 

"I love family dinner at your house, you always have tons of champagne," Nicole answered, holding out her glass for a refill. 

"That's ‘cause I'm a classy bitch," Candace laughed, filling both Nicole and Kaylee's glasses. 

Matt and Joel entered the house, each carrying a case of beer. Both men slammed the cases of beer on the counter in front of Nicole, hoping she would flinch, but she knew it was coming. After thirty-five and twenty-two years of friendship, they were predictable. Matt began organizing places in the fridge for the beer, while Joel, locked Nicole in a headlock and kissed the top of her head repeatedly. 

Kaylee sighed loudly, "Don't do that to her, Joel."

Joel released his grip on her and smiled at his fiancé. "You're on her side now?"

"No. Uhg, you two just touch each other too much. It's not normal," she rolled her eyes. 

Joel dismissed the comment while Nicole slid from the barstool and walked to her purse across the room, as a series of dings emanated from her cell phone. She pulled the phone from her bag and reviewed the text messages. 

"Is that Josh?" Joel asked her. "Is he coming to family dinner? I liked having him here last time. He brings good whiskey. I like you dating him."

"Oooo! Joshy!" Matt howled as he continued filling the fridge with beer.  

"We aren't dating." Nicole mumbled, typing on her phone. 

"Whatever, Nic, he's at your house like 3 days a week, what do you call that?" Matt laughed at her from behind the door to the fridge. 

"Leave her alone," Candace warned. 

"We aren't dating, because I'm seeing someone else," Nicole shrugged, trying to hide the disappointment.

"You're what?" Matt asked, surprised, poking his head around the refrigerated door. 

Candace picked up Nicole's glass of champagne and walked it across the room to her. "They never defined the relationship," Candace announced. "Nicole can date whoever she wants, and she found herself a new hottie," Candace handed the glass to Nicole and bumped her hip with her own in an attempt to lighten her mood. She knew all about Zaire, and JC's hand in bringing them together. And she was very aware of Nicole's disappointment. Candace even encouraged her to go out with Zaire. Make Josh jealous, Candace told her. Go out with Zaire and watch Josh squirm. 

"Man, I can't keep up," Matt muttered and continued to arrange the beer in the fridge.

Nicole took a sip of the champagne and handed her phone over to Candace, urging her to look at the most recent text exchange. 

Zaire: Hey sweets. You going to JCs thing Friday? You wanna go together? 

Nicole: thing?

Zaire: Yeah, you know his listening party. For some tracks 

Candace inspected the text, and eyed Nicole questioningly. 

"I wasn't invited to his thing on Friday," Nicole whispered. 

"Well, you are now, and I have the perfect outfit for you to wear." 

****

Nicole stepped out of the elevator of her apartment dressed in a short black, long sleeved wrap dress and her one pair of black peep-toe pumps. The dress may have covered her arms, but the skirt stopped mid-thigh and the deep V of the neckline made up for it. Candace insisted she wear this dress, and while it was not a style that she felt completely comfortable in, she had to admit she looked good. Unsure how to style her hair any other way, she wore it down, allowing the soft waves to frame her face as it cascaded down past her shoulders. She exited her apartment building and found Zaire, standing on the passenger side of his double-parked black Bentley Continental GT. 

Zaire opened the door for her, and just before she could get in, he stopped her. Raised his hand up to her jaw line and whispered, "You look beautiful." He leaned in, and she turned ever so slightly away from him, allowing him to kiss her cheek. She placed her hand on my his shoulder, kissed his cheek as well, and slipped into the all-white leather interior of his car. 

The drive to JC's house was long. The traffic that evening was a bear. Fortunately, Nicole did not need to fill the entire trip with forced conversations, as Zaire spent the second half of the drive on a business call. Nicole watched out of the window as the car purred up through the winding streets of the Hollywood Hills. She had never been up here before. The higher up they went, the less the houses looked like houses and the more they looked like fortresses, one gate or giant wall after the next.  

One final turn and a short way up a narrow street, they encountered a line of cars parked off the road on a dirt shoulder against the cliff. Zaire ended his call, put the car in park, and hurried around the front of the car to the passenger side, opening Nicole's door. She took a few initial wobbly steps, as it was difficult to navigate the gravel in her heels. Zaire held his arm out to her, and she looped hers in his. He walked her across the street to a large, cream-colored stucco wall. They walked along the wall, and along the average looking garage, and through a small black door with frosted glass panels. 

They immediately descended a set of steps, and if Nicole wasn't already regretting her shoe choice, she was now. They entered the front door on the bottom level of the house and were immediately sent up to the second, main floor. She thought to herself, if she had to climb up one more set of stairs, she was going to just take her shoes off and do it barefoot. As they reached the main level of the home, she noted the plain decor. Much like the outside of his home, the inside was also minimally decorated in natural tones. But who needed decorations when the floor to ceiling windows and giant slider doors opened out to a deck overlooking the cliffs? The city lights flickered in the distance. She scanned the small crowd that spread out through the open concept main floor and outside deck, but no one looked familiar. 

"Nice view from up here," Zaire whispered in her ear. "Let's go check it out." He escorted her through the living room and out through the large sliding patio doors. They walked out past small groups of people to the railing. 

"Clear days in LA? Sweets, you're dreaming," he joked. "Let's get a drink" He led her back toward the doorway to where a bar was set up. "What do you want?" Zaire asked her. 

Before Nicole could answer, a loud laugh drew her attention away from the bar. She knew immediately it was a JC's voice, and her head turned to scan the patio. She saw JC walking out through the large sliding doors onto the patio. He was dressed in all black, black jeans, black shoes, black shirt, black denim button down shirt, and an all-black Dodgers hat. His beard was thick, thicker than she had ever seen him have before. He had his arm draped around a gorgeous woman with long straight black hair in a white sundress. He was flanked on the other side by his manager, Eric, who was also dressed in all black.  

Nicole tried to turn quickly, before he noticed her, but it was too late. JC caught sight of her. He stopped suddenly in his tracks, "Excuse me a minute, Jen." He slid his arm from around Jen's shoulders, then held up a finger to Eric and excused himself in the direction of Zaire and Nicole.

JC forced a smile and walked up behind them at the bar. He held his arms out in the shape of an air hug, and made his presence known. "Hey you two!" Arms still out, he looked from Nicole to Zaire, and then back at Nicole. He held her gaze and added coolly, "I see you have hit it off nicely."

Zaire unhooked Nicole's arm from his and extended it out to shake JC's hand. JC obliged and pumped his arm vigorously. JC let go and turned to Nicole. He opened his arms out for a hug, and she stepped into him. He hugged her, kissed her cheek, but before pulling away, he whispered, "You can come to my home, but you can't return a call?" He pulled away from her and forced another smile. "So, glad to have you both here!" He announced in an overly friendly tone, then promptly left to the other side of the patio to rejoin Eric and Jen. 

Nicole spent much of the night on Zaire's arm, sipping gin in tonics, while he mingled and chatted with various people. Nicole would nod and smile, pretending to follow along in the various conversations, all the while scanning the room, or the patio, for JC. He seemed to be avoiding her. If she and Zaire made it anywhere near his vicinity, he would promptly move across the room. But by her fourth gin in tonic, it didn't even phase her. She felt a nice fuzz creeping in, which was good, because even her aching feet weren't registering to her anymore. 

Sometime around 11, Eric invited everyone inside to the giant living room/dining area. The crowd was small, no more than 20 or 30 people, but they managed to fill the room. With the quantities of alcohol, Nicole was feeling warm, and she led Zaire across the room to the open patio door, slightly away from everyone else. Nicole scanned the room and noticed JC again with his arm around the beautiful dark-haired woman in a white sundress. Eric began addressing the crowd, explaining the various things JC had been working on over the last month, but Nicole found it difficult to listen. She was too busy staring at JC. Was that his date for the evening? Was he trying to make her jealous, like she was trying to do to him? Suddenly, JC's eyes met hers and they locked their gaze on each other. Nicole's heart hammered in her chest, and she could feel a blush settling in on her cheeks. She stared at him, until a loud bass line rumbled through the speaker system, causing Nicole to jump slightly. Zaire turned to her and they both laughed quietly. She looked back and JC was still watching her. Her breath caught in her throat slightly. 

"Sweets, are you okay?" Zaire asked her.

"Ye-Yeah." she stuttered. 

Her arm was looped in his, and Zaire brought her a step closer to him. He leaned down to kiss her, and she turned ever so slightly. His kiss landed on her jaw line. He kissed her again, moving closer to her lips, then a third time, but before he could kiss her a fourth time, she pulled back slightly. JC staring at her all the while.

"It's so warm in here," she whispered, looking up at him, fanning herself lightly with her free hand. "Or too much gin," she laughed quietly. "I'm going to find the bathroom." She slid her arm out from his and walked toward the kitchen, in search of a powder room. 

She tried to step softly as she walked, not wanting to draw attention to her exit. A small crew of caterers were organizing plates and trays on the large marble island in the center of the very white kitchen. She noted a long sort of hallway that led past the kitchen with two doors on each side. Hoping one was a bathroom, she walked to the one on the left and opened the door. She flipped a switch and noticed a large washer and dryer. She turned to try to check out what was behind the other door across the hall, but bumped into a crisp black shirt. 

"Are you looking for something?" JC asked her as he stepped forward, ushering her further into the laundry room. 

"No. Um. Well, just the bathroom," Nicole stuttered, taking a step back. 

"What do you think you're doing here tonight?" he asked her, his once bright blue eyes appeared stormy and dark. "And looking like this?" he added, slipping one finger between her skin and the seam of the V-neck collar on her dress. 

"Seeing as how you had no problem with me dating your friend, I didn't think you'd mind if I was his date to your little party," she said, not moving, stone faced staring up at him. If he wanted a battle of wills, he would get it. 

"So, you're dating?" He took a step closer. 

Nicole nodded.

"And you like him?"

Nicole nodded again. 

"Sure," he chuckled and smiled coolly. 

Nicole looked at him quizzically.

"But you won't let him kiss you?" He asked her, eyebrow raised.

Before she could say anything else, JC reached his hand behind her, gripped a fistful of hair, and angled her face up toward him. He pressed his lips to hers, seeking entrance with his tongue. Taken aback by the force of the kiss, she stumbled a few steps backward. He followed  her, keeping her upright, and then pinned her against the counter. He pulled slightly harder on her hair, angling her face closer to his, he kissed her deeper. His other hand slid up her body and paused on her breast, squeezing forcefully. He pressed his hips into her, and she could feel his erection.

He released his grip on her hair and placed his hand on her cheek, pulling away from the kiss and rubbing his thumb over her swollen lips.  She panted, trying to catch her breath. He pressed his forehead to her. "I missed you," he breathed before capturing her lips with his again. 

She slid her hands down his chest to the top of his pants. She unclasped his belt and feverishly unbuttoned his pants, sliding her hand down, gripping him firmly. He thrust into her hand and paused his kiss to gasp in pleasure against her lips. 

"Josh," she breathed softly, and that was all he needed to send him over the edge of all rational thought. Just the sound of his name from her lips, and he was putty.

He slid his hands down her sides, then raised her dress up above her waist. He lifted her and set her on the edge of the counter, pushing folded towels out of the way and onto the floor. She separated her legs, allowing him access. She raised her arms and locked them around his neck. Kissing him again. He slid a finger between her legs and felt the damp material of her silky underwear. He pulled her panties to the side with one hand and guided himself in her with his other. He slid the tip of his penis up and down softly before slowing pushing inside of her. As he felt her surround him, he wrapped her legs round his waist.

"Holy fuck, Nicole," He whispered breathlessly as he kissed down her jawline, then on to her neck. 

         "Mmm, Josh, you feel unbelievable," she moaned softly. Aware that people were just in the other room, she bit her lower lip, trying to seal her mouth. 

         JC rested his forehead against hers, gripped her hips firmly with his hands and thrust into her. He pulled almost completely out and thrust into her again, then again, speeding up the rhythm with each thrust. He filled her up, and she rolled her head back in ecstasy. Desperate to feel all of him, she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, keeping him thrusting deep inside of her. Nicole shut her eyes tightly, and buried her face into the crook of his next, whispering soft pleas, urging him to be more forceful. He grunted and pressed deeply into her.  She shuddered around him and panted, trying to remain silent during her climax. JC continued, edging closer to his own release, panting hard until finally with a soft grunt he exploded inside of her. 

JC rested his forehead against hers, eyes staring deep into hers, as he worked to catch his breath. Reluctantly, she unwrapped her legs from around his waist, and he pulled out of her, adjusting himself back into his pants. She slid off of the counter, adjusted her dress, and combed her fingers through her hair. She looked at him for confirmation that she was presentable. 

         He smiled at her. "Sexy, mama," he said with a wink. "The bathroom is across the hall, if you need to clean up, but to be honest, I like the idea of me spilling out of you on the rest of your date." He smirked, slapped her ass, and turned to leave. 

"Josh?" She whispered.

He turned and answered her with a raise of his eyebrows. 

"Why did you give him my number?" 

JC walked back toward her and placed both hands on either side of her face, kissed her deeply, and pulled back. "I don't know Nicole. But I wish I hadn't."    

Nicole sat in the back of the Silver Line Express bus, three bags piled on top of her lap, trying to occupy as little space as possible. She hated driving, so unless she had practice or other after school obligations, the bus was her preferred method of transportation to and from work. She sometimes thought about moving somewhere closer to work, but the spiral that stemmed from that thought was too paralyzing. She and Jason had chosen Long Beach as the epicenter of their lives and the launching pad for their hopeful future together. She lived in the apartment they purchased together, surrounded by the furniture they selected together, in the neighborhood of restaurants and shops they used to frequent together. She felt both completely at home and utterly stuck, almost frozen in time. So, avoiding the idea of potentially moving or changing seemed like the easier option. Avoiding; that was her M.O.

As she settled into her seat at the back of the bus, she pushed her headphones into her ears and listened to the next episode of the Criminal podcast. Taking the bus allowed her to shut her eyes for just over an hour and indulge in true-crime podcasts, and that alone made the extended public transit commute worth it. She was halfway through the episode, and right as the murderer was about to be revealed, a series of taps on her arm snapped her back to the reality of the packed bus. She opened her eyes and found Patrick's bright white smile shining down at her. 

"Hey Girl!" he shouted so she could hear him over the audio of her headphones. 

Nicole, pulled the headphones from her ears, smiled back up at him, and shifted slightly in her seat, making room for him to sit next to her. "Hey Patrick. I haven't seen you on here in a while."

Patrick was a property manager for homeless veterans housing complexes throughout the South Los Angeles area. He and Nicole often rode the same bus to and from work. He squeezed in next to her. "Yeah, they have me at a new site most of the time now, but I had to go back to the main office today. I was going to call you and see if you wanted to carpool or take the bus, but I forgot. I was hoping I'd see you, though."

Nicole smiled in response. She wrapped the headphones around her phone and placed it in the pocket of one of her bags. 

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Patrick asked.

"Josh is coming by. I don't know, dinner or something." Nicole answered. "Why?"

"Or something?" He smiled, raising an eyebrow. 

Nicole smiled. "I'm hoping for a lot of or something," she winked at him. 

Patrick rolled his eyes, then shifted to sit up straight and continued excitedly, "So, Candy and I are talking about going to Executive Suite tonight. Morgan McMichaels has Delta Work, Derek Berry, and Landon Cider performing tonight. You need to come!" 

"Oh shit. Well, I don't know. I mean, Josh and I already made plans."

"Bring him! C'mon you love Derek Berry, and Landon just did that Mariachi performance on Dragula last week, you know he's gonna do it again."

"Tempting. I haven't really seen Josh in a couple of weeks, it will be nice to just, you know, just hang out with him."

"Ooo, girl. This is getting serious." Patrick smiled and leaned into Nicole, pushing his shoulder against her lightly.

"No. I mean, it's the same. We're just, you know, friends."

"You are more than just friends."

"I mean, there are definitely really nice benefits to our friendship," she chuckled. 

"The friends with benefits trajectory looks like this," Patrick explained, moving his left hand horizontally out in front of him. "Y'all's trajectory looks like this," Patrick moved his hand at a clear and steady vertical incline out in front of him. 

"I don't even know what that means." Nicole laughed at him. 

"Like, when you and Dan at the Brit used to hook up, that was friends with benefits. You were friends, and then from time to time you scheduled benefits. Very transactional. You and Josh are getting friendlier and friendlier, and benefitting more and more, and it's all very organic. At a certain point, that's not friends with benefits, that's called a relationship."  

"Noted." Nicole shook her head. 

That was her cue to change the subject, which she did quickly by engaging him in a conversation about his most recent trip to Palm Springs, which turned into a long string of gossip updates on the various regulars they knew from the Brit and the Mineshaft bars. Eventually, Nicole's stop came up first, and she planted a quick kiss on Patrick's cheek, before gathering her things and exiting the bus. 

"Bring Josh to Executive for the drag show tonight. It's a regular Drag Race All Stars evening."

Nicole gave a thumbs up and stepped off the bus. She placed her purse over one shoulder and across her body, placed her backpack on her back, and placed her tote bag of papers to grade over the other shoulder, and began her trek home. She was only a few blocks away when she heard the call of a deep, gravelly voice!

"Miss Nic! Miss Nic!" 

Nicole paused on the corner and turned in the direction of the voice. "Hey, Mr. Parks," she called out, as an older black man stepped out from the bushes down a side street. He had mismatched sneakers and his clothes were stained and very worn. He walked toward her, and then fell into step with her as she continued her path home.  

"Mr. Parks. I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?" She asked him. 

"I got caught up. You know, they have some old warrants on me." Mr. Parks answered. 

"Old warrants!" She stifled a laugh. "What old warrants do they have on you?" She asked.

"Miss Nic. You got more bags than Lucy on Broadway. Lemme...lemme help you." He pulled the tote bag from Nicole's shoulder. 

"Thank you." Nicole continued, "What old warrants do they have on you?"

"You know, parking tickets and the like." Mr. Parks answered. 

"Mr. Parks! You don't even have a car." 

"That's why they old!" He huffed. 

"You have dinner tonight, Mr. Parks?" She asked. 

"I'm gonna scrape something together. You think you can spot some dollars?"

"No, but I can buy you some food." Nicole replied. 

"With some rum?" 

Nicole shook her head. "Maybe," she answered with a smirk.

She listened to Mr. Parks ramble on about something. He wasn't always the most coherent. They approached the corner of her building and turned onto her block. It only took a few steps before she recognized the man standing by a motorcycle parked in front of the main entrance of her complex. He was dressed in all black, which seemed to be his standard uniform, and bright red high-top sneakers. His style, while very casual, often had an air of weird. His handsome features otherwise made up for it, and she didn't care what he wore because she mostly wanted to get him out of it. His head was down as one hand scrolled through his phone, while the other balanced his helmet on the seat of his bike. His hair seemed darker. It was long and wild, and hung down hiding his face, but she knew it was him. She felt a rush of excitement roll through her. 

"Josh!" She called out. 

He recognized her voice and looked up, smiling. His smile faded as he noticed the man walking with her, who was clearly homeless, and in his opinion slightly frightening as his arms were moving wildly while he spoke. Instinctual, JC charged in her direction. "Are you okay?" he called out to her. "Hey! Leave her alone!" He yelled at Mr. Parks. 

"No, no. It's okay." Nicole reached out, stopping JC's momentum toward them. "This is Mr. Parks."

JC stopped and looked at her, open-mouthed.

"He's walking me home from the bus," she explained.

"He's walking you home from the what? What happened to your car?"

Nicole laughed loudly. The look of complete horror on JC's face was hysterical. "He's walking me home from the bus. I took the bus to work today. He's helping me carry my things."

Mr. Parks held up the bag, pushing it toward him, then smiled when JC took a terrified step back. "Miss Nic, who's this?"

"This is my friend, Josh." 

"Friend? Friend? Ain't you married?" 

"No Mr. Parks." 

"Well, I should have snatched you up when I had the chance," he announced with pride. "You better treat her right, boy," Mr. Parks snapped, shaking a finger at JC. 

"I'm trying." JC mumbled awkwardly. 

"We're gonna get him some things at this mini-mart around the corner here." Nicole explained and continued walking. JC fell in step with them. He bent down and whispered in her ear. "I can give him some cash if that's easier."

"No! We never give Mr. Parks cash," She whispered back.

They turned the corner and arrived at the mini mart. Mr. Parks knew the drill. He waited outside while Nicole entered. Uncomfortable staying outside with Mr. Parks, JC entered the store with her and watched as she picked out a box of granola bars, some sticks of beef jerky, two large bottles of water, and some hand sanitizer. She paid at the counter and, with her items bagged, she walked back outside. She traded the bag of snacks for her tote bag of papers. Mr. Parks peered inside, reviewing its contents. 

"What about the Rum?" He grumbled. 

"No liquor at this store. Next time, Mr. Parks," she explained, squeezing his shoulder gently. 

"Next time! Next time!" he grumbled back. "Miss Nic, thank you. You stay out of trouble now, you hear me."

She smiled, "You do the same, Mr. Parks." She placed the tote bag back on her shoulder and led JC to the side entrance of her building. She unlocked the security door and allowed him to enter first. She led him to the elevator, and she pushed the button for her floor. 

Nicole looked at him and smiled. "I didn't think you'd be here this early." She took a step closer to him and leaned in, in an attempt to kiss him.  

JC backed away slightly and laughed a little. 

"What?" Nicole asked confused. 

"I'm probably a judgy asshole, but I think, maybe, I want you to wash your hands before I let you touch me." He laughed and added, "And believe me, I want you to touch me a lot."

Nicole shook her head with a wry smirk. 

"That guy is really your friend?" He asked her.

"Definitely judgy. The jury is still out on asshole." She rolled her eyes. "Mr. Parks is everyone's friend. He spends most of his time by Matt's house."

"You think you know a person," JC smiled, shaking his head. 

"What?" Nicole asked, confused. 

The elevator doors slid open and Nicole led him toward her apartment. 

"It's not often people surprise me, but you're full of them," JC explained as they arrived at her door. 

Nicole opened the door to her apartment, entered and dropped her bags down on the floor in the living room at the base of the kitchen bar countertop. She turned quickly, hands raised up, eyeing JC. "I'm thinking I want to touch you a bunch too, so I'm just gonna wash these." She wiggled her fingers at him, as she entered the kitchen and began washing her hands. 

JC walked up behind her slowly and slid his arms around her waist. He nuzzled at her neck. His scent was intoxicating. His warmth and the fire of his touch caused her heart to hammer in her chest. She leaned her head to the side, and he kissed her neck and nipped at her ear. "Well, I've been dying to touch you for a couple of weeks now." He growled into her ear.

She turned the water off, and reached for the towel to dry her hands, "You have?"

"Also," he spun her around to face him. His face grew stern and serious. "I'm sorry about the Zaire thing." He placed his hands on either side of her face. "That was messed up. And I hope we're good."

"We're fine." She whispered, closing her eyes, and puckering her lips. 

JC complied and bent down, placing a hard peck on her lips before pushing away from her. "So, what's on the agenda for this evening?" He asked, rubbing his hands together. He exited the kitchen and entered the living room, plopping down onto the couch.

Nicole finished drying her hands, then tossed the towel on the counter. She watched him from the kitchen in the living room. He propped his feet up on the coffee table, making himself utterly at home. She warmed at the thought of how easily he seemed to fit into her life, and as quickly as it warmed her, it became quite unsettling. Did she want him to actually fit into her life? She didn't know anymore. Maybe Patrick was right. What she thought they were and what they actually were, might be two vastly different things. JC tilted his head back, looking at her from his place on the couch, with a questioning smile. 

"I didn't have plans, but Patrick and Candace asked us to go to a drag show." Nicole explained, joining him in the living room. 

JC turned his head to look at her again, from her new position next to the couch. "I feel like you really are just a gay man trapped in a woman's body." He laughed and reached his arm out. He took Nicole by the wrist, pulling her down next to him on the couch.  "A very gorgeous woman's body, might I add." He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her neck again. 

Nicole wiggled away from him slightly. "Drag shows are fun! You don't have to be a gay man to enjoy!" She jokingly whined at him. "And this one is big, I mean, they were all on Ru Paul's Drag Race. I mean, Derek Berry is drag Britney Spears, who could ask for more than that?"

"Well, I know the real Britney Spears, so maybe the draw isn't the same," JC laughed. "I wouldn't have pegged you for a Britney fan." He added, sliding his hand back around her shoulders and down the front of her, sliding his fingers over her breast, searching for her nipple, then pinching lightly through the fabric of her clothes.

"Who doesn't like Britney Spears?"

"I ask myself that same question every day?" JC laughed. "But I mean, you just don't seem the type! I thought you were a punk rock chick with the friends in the punk rock band." He explained sarcastically. 

"Their band used to do a Britney song," she quipped. "They used to do a version of ‘Lucky,' and it was their biggest hit. And by hit, I mean, their 10 fans loved it." Nicole laughed. 

"What was that like?" JC asked, sitting up, actually surprised. 

"You know..." Nicole pantomimed playing a guitar while imitating the sound. In between fake guitar riffs, she scream-sang, "She's so lucky." More guitar noises. "She's a star." 

"So up-tempo, and... yelling?" 

Nicole stood up and went to one of the bookshelves. She pulled out a ratty notebook and thumbed through it. When she found the page she was looking for, she tossed it to JC. "See!" she smiled. "I imagine this music scribble makes sense to you."

JC looked at the page. Guitar tabs were drawn across the top margin, and then the words to "Lucky" were sloppily scrawled along the lined paper. Guitar chords and notes documented above the various lyrics. 

"What is this?" He asked, turning it around to inspect the front cover. 

"One of Jay's notebooks," Nicole explained, sitting down next to him again. 

JC leaned forward, resting his elbows on his lap, and looked through the pages of the notebook. The paper was yellowing at the corners, and some of the pages were no longer attached to the binding. He turned the pages gently, reading over the notes and music.  He turned his head and eyed Nicole curiously. She was seated back, sinking deeply into the couch, watching him. Why was she showing this to him? He couldn't help but wonder.  It seemed awfully personal. Did he need to measure his reaction? Or was he just reading it to it?  He continued to flip through it. He looked over one more song before closing the notebook and placing it on the coffee table.

He rested back into the couch, and sunk back low, so that he could be level with Nicole. "So, Drag Britney Spears, then, huh?" He asked her with a smile.

"Unless you have a better idea." Nicole answered, raising an eyebrow. 

JC smirked devilishly, slowly moving in closer to Nicole. He reached his hand up to her face. He brushed the back of his knuckles on her cheek and then slid his hand around the back of her head, winding his fingers in her hair.  "Oh, I have a few ideas," He whispered before kissing her. 

He kissed her deeply, parting her lips with his tongue. She scooted forward on the couch, still kissing him, then adjusted, straddling his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and JC's hands moved to her hips. Reluctantly, she pulled away, sitting back on his lap, looking down at him. 

"Does your idea include more of this?" She smiled; her forehead pressed against his. 

He ran his hands under her shirt and then up and down her back a few times, before resting at her back side. He squeezed gently. "Among other things." He tilted his chin up and kissed her lips again.

* * *

The alarm caused Nicole to awake with a start, but she struggled to move to silence the incessant beeping. JC had her pinned down, arm across her body, head resting on her shoulder. She shimmied out from under him, rolled to her side, and pressed the button on the top of the clock. JC's eyes fluttered open and watched Nicole's form move in the darkness. He eyed the time on the clock, 5:00 am, and pulled Nicole back down against him before she could escape the bed. 

He pulled her back to his chest and wrapped both arms around her. His fingertip gliding over her skin sent small currents through her body, and he could feel the goosebumps rise on her flesh as she shuddered under his seductive touch. 

"It's too early for life to happen," he whispered groggily into her ear. 

"Josh, I gotta go to work," she tried to escape, but his hold on her was too tight, and let's face it, she wasn't putting up too much of a fight. 

"Stay home today. Stay here with me." He placed a series of kisses on her back between her shoulder blades. He slid one hand down between her legs. "I promise I'll make it worth your while." 

A small moan escaped her lips. She rested back against him and allowed his fingers to continue their progress, but only for a moment. She tried to shift away from him again. "I don't want you to stop, but that means getting a substitute at the last minute, and writing a sub plan, and it's just easier to go into work." She tried to turn once again to escape his grip on her.

He slid one and then two fingers inside of her. He could feel her excitement. "I think it's easier to let me make you feel good." He whispered.   

She could feel his erection growing behind her. She reached a hand back and gripped him firmly, sliding her hand up and down his shaft slowly.  She felt him release a warm breath into her neck. "I have to get up." She breathed reluctantly. 

JC released his grip on her, but before she could move, he had her pinned down, on the bed. He rolled on top of her, his bare chest against hers, his erection pressed between him and her stomach. The weight of him on her body felt unbelievable. She wanted to lay like this all day, but she had to be responsible. Fuck responsibility!

He placed one hand on the side of her face, and pressed his lips to hers, as his other hand guided himself inside of her. She opened her thighs, allowing him access as he pressed into her. Slowly at first and then deeper. She broke the kiss as she gasped in sheer pleasure. JC slid his hand back up her body, cupping a breast and squeezing firmly, as he thrust into her. The hand he rested on her cheek moved to the back of her head, and he grabbed at her hair, kissing her again. He couldn't get enough of her. He wanted to be closer to her, as close as he could be. He increased his rhythm, causing her to moan loudly. 

"Yes, Josh. Please don't stop." She wrapped her arms around him, nails clawing at his back. 

He began to grunt with each stroke as he pushed deeper into her, edging closer to his release. He pressed his forehead to hers and continued to pump inside of her. "You feel so good, Nicole." He gasped, and then kissed her lips again. 

He pulled almost completely out of her and then filled her again. He watched as the color of her skin turned pink. She stared up at him, and then gripped his upper arms tightly as she reached her peak. 

She let out a breathless moan, as her body shook from the pleasure. She closed her eyes tightly and allowed her orgasm to wash over her. 

He wrapped his arms around her, pushing his weight on top of her, and pumped into her again before he reached the point of no return. She wrapped her legs tight around his waist, keeping him buried deep inside of her.

His breathing and movements grew ragged, and he released a moan deep from within.  "Fuck Nicole," he grunted and then hissed, "Yes!" 

He collapsed on top of her, reluctant to move from inside of her, he remained on top of her as he worked to catch his breath. He rested his forehead on the pillow beside her. He turned and whispered in her ear, "Nicole, you're so... perfect."

The butterflies began to flutter in her stomach, and she turned her head to hide the blush on her cheeks. Trying to remain cool and unaffected, she reluctantly pushed at him and replied, "Yeah, and you are going to make me perfectly late." She pressed her hands on his chest, urging him to allow her to get up.

JC smiled down at her. He kissed her again, and then raised up slightly. "You sure you don't want to call that substitute?" He smiled at her. 

"I wish I could." She reached up and rubbed the stubble on his chin with her fingers, "I like this," she smiled. 

He kissed her shoulder and rubbed his stubbly chin over her skin before pulling out of her. He raised himself up. "I like this," he said, looking her up and down before rolling off of her.

Nicole quickly slid out from under him and rolled off of the bed. She worried if she didn't make her move then, she would be beyond late for work. She walked a few steps toward the bathroom and turned back, stealing a glance at his naked body spread out in the center of her bed. His eyes were closed, and she watched his chest rise a fall a few times before continuing her progress toward the bathroom. 

Once inside, she shut the door and turned the water on hot. The steam quickly fogged up the small room. She could smell him on her. She breathed in deeply, reluctant to cleanse herself of him. Clearly, she was getting in too deep. This was not how it was supposed to be, she silently chided herself. She stepped inside the glass shower stall, and the burn of the hot spray helped shock her back to reality. She opened her mouth, allowing the water to spray inside. She swished it around and spit it out. This is not how this was supposed to be, she thought to herself again, as she began to lather her skin with soap.   It was supposed to be casual and fun. This was definitely fun, and anything but casual.

Nicole showered quickly, brushed her teeth, and blow-dried her hair straight and parted it down the middle. She applied little make up, only mascara, before stepping out wrapped in a towel. She expected to see JC still in bed, but the clanging noises from the kitchen explained his absence from the bedroom.  She entered her closet, pulled on a pair of black pants cuffed at the ankle, and a gray shirt, topped with a maroon cardigan. She slid her feet into a pair of black espadrilles and joined JC in the kitchen. He was in a pair of blue boxer briefs, watching the coffee percolator suspiciously as it heated up on the stove. 

"Why don't you have a real coffee maker?" He asked her, shaking his head. 

"I don't know. I just have always had this one." She shrugged. "I saw that fancy one in your kitchen, though."

"Cappuccinos all day every day, honey." He laughed, raising his nose into the air. 

"I can make cappuccinos," she responded matter-of-factly.  

JC looked around the kitchen. He took a step back, leaned against the counter, crossed his arms over his chest, and said, "Yeah? Show me."

Nicole stepped toward him, placing her body mere inches from his own. She lifted slightly onto her toes, pressed her lips together and moved in like she was going to kiss him. He leaned down to meet her lips, but she pulled away, reached around him, and pulled out the drawer to his left. He chuckled softly as she stepped away from him. He watched her riffle through the contents of the draw, pulled out a small silver battery powered coil immersion blender, flipped it on and held the vibrating contraption up to his face. He tried to grab it from her hand, but she pulled it away quickly. She filled a mug with milk, pushed the coiled end of the blender into the mug, and watched as the milk frothed up. When it was to her desired consistency, she pulled the percolator from the stove, filled the mug the rest of the way with hot coffee, and handed it to JC. She then proceeded to fill her travel mug with the rest of the coffee. 

JC sipped his coffee carefully. "This isn't a real cappuccino," he mumbled as he watched Nicole organize her things for work. He leaned forward on the counter and whistled a cat-call at her as she bent down to lift her bag, and sang softly, "Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad. I'm hot for teacher." 

She rolled her eyes but smiled at him. 

"Do you mind if I stay here for a bit after you go?" He asked.  "I'm going to work down the street, but it's way too early to go in. You can totally say no." 

"No, I mean, yeah, make yourself at home. Towels are in the bathroom cabinet, by the way. And, um, just lock the door behind you when you leave," she directed, hoisting her backpack over one shoulder. 

He walked a few steps closer to her, reached out, took her by the hand and pulled her toward him. "I can't stay tonight, but can I see you after work? Maybe get that dinner we didn't have last night?" He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"I'd like that," she answered. She walked to the opposite end of the kitchen bar counter and rummaged through a dish that sat next to the wall. "Here!" She held up a key ring with a silver key and a small black key fob. "This will get you in and out of the garage, and this is for the door. In case you are done before I get home, you can come back and let yourself in." 

JC eyed the key and fob dangling from her fingers. A pang of guilt reverberated through his insides. Before the spiral could turn, he reached out and took it from her. "See you tonight." he kissed her again quickly, turned and sat in the armchair with his coffee cup. He watched her as she turned, picked up her purse, slung it over the opposite shoulder and walked out the front door.

 Nicole arrived home later than she had hoped. Before entering the elevator, she glanced at herself in the decorative mirror that hung in the lobby. She was dressed in navy blue running shorts and an electric green singlet. Her skin was still pink and splotchy, and her hair, while tied up in a ponytail, came loose in places and frizzed at her temples. October in Southern California was normally hot and dry, but today the humidity was abnormal, making her training run with the kids through the streets of South LA extra miserable. No shade in the concrete jungle, and she was still overheated, even after the hour commute in the crisp air conditioning of her car. She hadn't seen JC's motorcycle in the garage, and she hoped she would have time to shower and look presentable again before he was done in the studio. 

The elevator doors slid open, and she began the short walk down the hall. She could hear the muted sounds of a guitar. As she got closer to her apartment, the sound grew clearer and the notes became more familiar. She stopped at her front door. The security screen was closed, but the front door was open. The guitar playing continued from inside of her apartment. Suddenly she felt extremely hot. Her heart swelled as she opened the door. She crossed the threshold and walked down the short hall, past the kitchen to the living room, following the sound of the music. She entered the room, and found JC seated on the ottoman pushed against the far wall. Jason's guitar rested on his thigh, and he plucked at the chords. The warm feeling was replaced with a kind of coldness. She had walked this walk and been down this hall before in much the same way, but this time, she was met with the scene she was completely expecting, rather than the scene for which she had been longing for the last six year.

JC caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye, and he immediately stopped playing. He remained seated, but held up his hands like he had been caught doing something bad. 

She tried to hide the disappointment on her face. She cleared her throat as she placed her backpack and purse on the floor and leaned it against the wall under the bar top. "Um, it's okay."  She took two hesitant steps further into the room. "How do you...or, um...what are you playing?" She asked. 

He nodded to the coffee table. Jason's music notebook sat open in front of him. "I hope you don't mind. I kinda was looking at it again. And this piece sort stood out. It's really good. Interesting chord changes."

"I don't mind," she lied. "Play it.  It's been a while since I've heard music coming out of this place," she said, forcing a laugh. 

"You sure?" he asked cautiously. She nodded in the affirmative. "You know this one?" He asked her. And played the opening chords again. She nodded again. "Do I have this right?" He played the beginning again and then into the chord change. He strummed away and looked up at her questioningly. 

"You play it slower, but it sounds like how I remember it," she sat down on the couch watching him. 

He stopped, and started over again, stumbling on his finger placement from time to time, but once he got the hang of chords for the verse, he looked down at the notebook and softly began singing lyrics:

My pain is self-chosen.

At least so the prophet says.

I could either burn,

Or cut off my pride and buy some time. 

A head full of lies as a weight

Tied to my waist. 

He paused momentarily and shifted his fingers on the neck of the guitar and continued. 

The river of deceit flows down.

The only direction we flow is down. 

Again, he paused and changed the placement of his fingers. He continued strumming and looked up at Nicole, who watched him without expression. 

"I feel like something is missing here in the bridge." He stopped and looked back at the notebook. 

"You just play it slower," She repeated softly. "But that's how it goes."

JC stopped. "It feels wrong for it to be more up-tempo than this." He started playing again from the pre chorus. 

The river of deceit flows down. 

The only direction we flow is down. 

He continued into the chord change of the lyric-less bridge, and added:

Down, uh down. 

Down, ooh down. 

Down, uh down.

Down oooh down. 

Nicole closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch. The mix of emotions caused a tightening in her chest, and her head was swimming with a riptide of thoughts. It was crazy to think how a simple song could have such a physical effect on a person. She hoped that closing off at least one sensory input would help her reach equilibrium. She listened as he continued to play into the next verse. 

My pain

Is self-chosen.

At least 

I believe it to be. 

I could either drown 

Or pull off my skin and swim to shore. 

Now I can grow up beautiful, just for all to see. 

The river of deceit flows down.

The only direction we flow is down. 

Down oh down

At a certain point in JC's rendition of the song, with her eyes still closed, Nicole tried to picture this very same moment, but through the lens of seven years prior. Seven years ago, she sat in this same room, on this same couch, and Jason sat on that same ottoman, playing that same guitar, and singing that same song. She tried in her mind to take this present scene and reconstruct it. She tried to replace JC with Jason. It should be easy. Since Jason's death, not a day had not gone by where she hadn't thought about him. Not a day had gone by where she hadn't thought about his face or racked her brain to remember the sound of his voice or the feel of his touch.  But no matter how hard she tried, it was JC's voice in her ears and, when she finally opened her eyes, it was JC who sat on that ottoman.  She could no longer imagine this moment with Jason in it because JC had come in, stealthily, and made it his own. And that was utterly terrifying. 

JC glanced back at Nicole. She was watching him, but her face was serious and dark. Her brow furrowed slightly, and her lips formed a tight line. He stopped the song, shifted on the ottoman, and placed the guitar back into its stand. 

"Hey," he said softly, then got up and sat next to her on the couch. 

She turned, and shifted, pulling one leg up on the couch to face him. A thought bubbled up to the surface. "Josh, I.... um... I think that I..." A thought too scary and abstract to confess even to herself, but it was about to spill from her lips. Terrified at what she was about to confess, she moved in quickly and pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply. 

Caught off guard, JC sat frozen for a moment before he returned the kiss, then gently pulled away. He smiled at her, blinking, expecting her to finish her thought. When she didn't, he asked with a chuckle, "you were saying something, before you assaulted me with your lips?"

Suddenly feeling very rational, Nicole stood up and walked to the sliding door that led to the balcony. She paused before opening the door and turned to look at him. "I was going to say that while you're here, I could use your help with something in this closet. I need to get this tent off the top shelf, and you're tall." She slid the door open and walked out. 

JC rose from the couch to join her on the balcony. He easily reached up and pulled a box down from the top shelf of the outdoor closet and carried it inside. He set it on the floor near her backpack. He inspected it quizzically.

"You could have done that on your own," he smiled, poking her side teasingly. 

"I know, but I wanted to watch your muscles rippling while you did it,"  she winked at him. "You're such a big, strong, hunky, man," she added. 

He shook his head in response. "What's with the tent, anyway?"

"Oh, I'm driving out to New Mexico next Friday because I'm off that next week." She explained. 

"Teachers get vacation time? And, why New Mexico?" He asked.

"We get a fall break. Like spring break, but in the fall," she laughed. "And Joel's parents live in Santa Fe. It's his dad's 70th, and they are throwing a party, so I'm going to drive out and camp along the way. Put that National Parks pass to good use," she smiled at him.

"Are you going alone?" He asked, concerned.

"Yes, but most of my time will be spent in Santa Fe with Joel and his family. Just getting out there, I will be alone." She tried to reassure him. "And like you said, I make friends everywhere I go, so I'm sure I won't be alone for long." Then she quickly changed the subject. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry. I'm going to take a quick shower and change, then we can go eat." 

Before she could turn and head for the bathroom, he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. "I like this look." He raised both hands up and pulled and the loose hair frizzing at her temples. "Sporty spice," he added with a growl. Then kissed her neck and trailed a short series of kisses down to the top of her exposed shoulder. "Salty," he laughed at her, animatedly licking his lips. 

"It was hot on our run today," she laughed and left the room to clean up. 

While JC waited, he resumed his place on the ottoman. He picked up Jason's guitar and strummed a few times. He played different snippets of music and practiced different chord changes. He had skipped out on his studio time that day. The inspiration in Nicole's living room was too strong. And except for a short shopping trip, JC had spent most of his day in Nicole's living room working. Before he was lured away by Jason's notebook, he had been surprisingly productive. He had finally fleshed out, and was satisfied with, a complete verse for the song that had been haunting him for months.

He had written the music to a haunting melody, but lyrics had been a struggle. Usually, it was the other way around. He pulled his phone from his back pocket, opened up the audio recording app, and listened to the verse he had written earlier that day. He listened to it a second time, and then began playing it on the guitar and softly singing the newly written lyrics:

I've been standing in the shadows 

Where every day feels like night

It's like trying to watch the wind blow.

I just need to feel your light.

Your heart's surrounded by a wall you've built there...

Clean, and neatly dressed, Nicole reentered the living room. He spotted her the moment she entered, ended the song promptly with a flourish on the guitar, stood, placed the guitar back in the stand and walked over to her. 

"That one yours?" she asked. 

He suddenly felt very self-conscious. "It's not done, I've been stuck on it for months. Made some good progress today though, just sitting in your living room. Knocked out two songs today," he chuckled.

"Did you go to the studio?" She asked him suddenly. 

"No. When inspiration strikes..." he shrugged.  "So, what's for dinner?"

"The ramen place down the street is amazing." Nicole offered.

He nodded, and they moved toward the door, but he stopped her suddenly. "Oh, I almost forgot." JC reached into his pocket and pulled out the keychain with her house key and garage door fob. 

Strangely disappointed, Nicole took it from him, reentered the living room and placed it in the dish on the bar counter. She happened to glance into the kitchen on her way to rejoin JC at the door, when a shiny silver contraption caught her attention resting on the counter. "What's that?" She asked suddenly. 

"What's what?" JC replied sarcastically, as he watched Nicole make a beeline into the kitchen. 

"This ugly silver thing on my counter, that I'm sure costs way too much money!"

"Huh. Looks like a cappuccino machine," JC answered nonchalantly as he exited her apartment. 

* * *

The next evening, Nicole met Matt and Candace at O'Connell's, a sports bar only a few blocks away from Matt and Candace's home. The Dodgers were facing the Nationals in game three of the National League Championship Series. The three set up at a table in the back corner of the bar. Candace scrolled through her phone and looked up at the TV whenever people in the room cheered. Normally, Matt and Nicole would be up and pacing, but tonight, only Matt was making a nervous circuit of the bar. Nicole sat quietly next to Candace, looking at the game on one of the TV screens, but not actually watching. 

"Nic! Nic!" Matt shouted at her from two tables over. He had stopped to chat with other bar patrons during one of his nervous circuits around the bar. "They just turned two! Nic! This is it. This next one is gonna be a big inning." 

Nicole smiled and gave a silent thumbs up. 

"What's with you?" Candace asked, concerned about Nicole's quiet and passive nature. 

"What? Nothing. Why?" Nicole responded and took a long drink of the beer she had in front of her. 

"You're too quiet and not losing your shit with Matt. Don't they have to win this game?"

Nicole nodded that Candace was correct. 

"I need you to be the woman in Matt's life who cares about sports stuff. Let's stay present, I'm counting on you," Candace joked, but Nicole's silence remained. "For real, Nicole, what's the matter?" Candace pressed her. 

"Nothing. Just you know. Nothing."

"Is it JC, er... Josh?"

Nicole shrugged.

"Didn't you just see him the other day? What did he do?"

"Nothing... It's just..."

"It's just What?" Candace was growing frustrated. "You better not be ruining this." She scolded her as Matt rejoined them at the table. 

"I'm not. It's not. Nothing is ruined," Nicole stammered.

"It's just what?" Candace was like a dog with a bone.

Nicole sighed. "He bought me this coffee machine." 

"What is she on about?" Matt looked at Candace confused. 

"I have no idea; she's upset Josh bought her a coffee machine?" She eyed Nicole sternly. 

"I don't need a coffee machine. I have a coffee maker. Two, actually."

"Return it and take the cash." Matt laughed and raised his beer, gesturing for her to clink glasses with him. He took a quick sip when she failed to comply with his silent request. 

"They're Jay's coffee makers. They are not efficient. It's a fucking stove top percolator and a French press," Nicole explained. 

Matt laughed. "He did like his bitch coffee." 

"Everything is his or has his mark." Nicole looked at Candace and continued. "I make inefficient coffee because it was how he made it. I keep an ugly red armchair in my living room because it was his. I live in a condo we bought together. Everything is him. He died, and my whole world came to a halt. Like someone pressed the pause button on my life. Meanwhile, everyone else gets to keep going.  And I'm... Well, I'm stuck in 2013 waiting for the shit we planned to do to never happen." She looked down at her hands as they nervously folded and unfolded a napkin on the table. 

"Nicole, that's exactly--" Matt started. 

"So help me God, Matthew Derickson, if you say anything like I told you so to her, I will withhold sex from you for at least a month if not longer." Candace snapped at him. She turned back to Nicole, "Go on, honey." 

"I think, I want to get unstuck." She admitted quietly. 

"But?" Candace prompted her. 

"But I can't even make coffee in a new coffee maker!" Her eyes quickly began to well up. She lowered her head and pressed her palms against her eyes to prevent the tears from falling.

Candace looked up at Matt, who stood over both of them and shrugged. She mouthed "Say something to her," but he didn't seem to have the words.

Eventually, he shifted around the table and positioned himself next to Nicole. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his chest and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know about a lot of things, but I know that all Jay ever wanted, was for you to be happy."

After a beat, Nicole pulled away from his embrace. She wiped at her face and looked at Candace and then back at Matt. "Oh god!" she bemoaned. "Am I really that girl crying in a bar right now?"

 JC sat upstairs in his home office when he heard the door open and close. He could hear Jen's footsteps below. He pulled his phone from his back pocket, tapped out a quick text message. He waited for a reply and once it came, he smiled softly to himself, replaced the phone into his back pocket, and bounded down the stairs to find Jen. He entered into the open concept main floor and found her resting against the white marble kitchen island. She had her phone pressed to her ear, and she was flipping through papers on the counter. He walked up behind her slowly, slid his arms around her waist and nuzzled at her neck. She wiggled away from his grip and side-stepped down the length of the counter. Twice, JC attempted to take a step closer to her, and both times she stepped away, still listening to the voice on the other end of the line. Assuming the call was serious, he took a seat at one of the bar stools, rested his chin on his hands, he eyed her trying to interpret the one-sided conversation. 

Jen ended the call and sighed, placing the phone on the counter, and eyeing JC with tired eyes. 

"Everything okay?" he asked her.

She held his gaze only a moment before turning away, occupying herself with dishes in the sink. "I don't know," she mumbled.

"What do you say we get out of here for a bit." JC stood smiling. He was trying to appear nonchalant, but there was an edge of excitement about his tone. 

Jen didn't respond. 

"Babe, I've been just, so busy, And I know it's not fair to you," He explained vaguely. He felt the distance between them. He was the cause of that distance, as he spent days at a time creating an alternate reality for himself in the arms of another woman. Jen hadn't asked questioned him, never accused him of anything, but he could feel her slipping away, and that was terrifying. Nicole would be gone for a week, and this was his chance to reconnect with Jen,  exist without Nicole, and perhaps make the ultimate decision about the world in which he would choose to live. The double identity was not sustainable.  

She turned suddenly and looked at him. Searching his face, skeptical about the level of sincerity of his words. 

JC walked up to her, grabbed her hands in his and held them up, kissing the tops of her hands. "Just you and me, tonight. Let's go to Runyon. Sunset walk. Quiet. No noise. No distractions. Just you and me."

"That sounds..." Jen started and stopped. Her heart began to beat very quickly and her breathing shallowed. She should just tell him what she was really thinking, but against her better judgement, she finished her statement with, "...really wonderful." 

"Go change, we'll leave in 15." He smiled at her.

JC lifted his hand to her face, pushing loose strands of her dark hair back behind her ear, before very gently pressing a delicate kiss to her lips. Before he could pull away, Jen wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He smiled and growled slightly in response. She pressed her forehead to his, took a deep breath and kissed him again. She ravished his lips. She kissed him hard, and then pulled away, looking into his eyes, searching. 

He smiled at her, "Maybe we should skip the walk." 

"No, no, fresh air is good," she whispered, then spun away from him and headed upstairs to change. 

***

Jen took the almost three-mile hike at a faster clip than JC had anticipated. He had planned for a leisurely stroll and a pause over the Trebek open space for a sunset view over the west side of town. He walked a few paces behind as she charged up an incline. He laughed slightly to himself at what he assumed was her competitive nature. He jogged up a few paces to catch up with her and grabbed her hand. He stopped her at the top of the incline. 

"Slow down there!" he called out and laughed. 

She looked at him and forced a slight smile. 

"Let's go down this walkway here. Check out the sunset at the top of those rocks there." He explained to her, pointing to a fork in the path. 

He held on to her hand and walked her down the wooden, planked pathway, onto the dirt trail and up a small hill. They stood at the top of the lookout point, with a 360 view of Los Angeles. Downtown on one side, and the Pacific Ocean on the other. The scene was inspiring. The horizon lit up a fiery orange and was met with swirls of pink that eventually extended out like fingers on a hand reaching into the dark purple of night. Patches of clouds in the distance created soft edges around a picturesque view. JC pulled the back of Jen's body against the front of him and rested his chin on her shoulder as they watched the sun slowly sink below the rocky hill tops. 

"Almost as beautiful as you," he whispered and placed a kiss on her cheek. 

She exhaled a long, deep breath, contemplating her next move. It was now or never. She stepped away from him, breaking their embrace. She turned to face him, he smiled down at her, but her face was set like a stone. 

"JC, we... I have to tell you something." She looked him deep in the eyes, and he knew what was coming. 

"Babe, what is it?" He moved in closer to her, but she stepped backward. 

"Last year, I picked my entire life up and moved here. For you. Because you said you wanted to give this a real chance."

He reached up to touch her, but she gently pushed his hand away. 

"I trusted you when you said that, and I still want to, but JC, I don't know what's going on with you."

"Jen, baby, I know I have been busy." He tried to explain. 

"No, this isn't about being busy. You just...aren't here. Ever. Even when we're together, you are somewhere else. And I don't think there is someone el...I don't want to believe there is-"

"Baby, there is no-"

"Stop! Don't," she interrupted before he could continue. "I don't want you to say anything that you might regret. And I need to get this out." She took another step back away from him. "I don't know what is going on with you, JC. You won't let me in. You won't talk to me. You're never home anymore and when you are, you may as well be a million miles away. I want to believe there isn't someone else because I want to trust you, and if we are going to make this work, I need you to not be a liar."

He reached for her again, but she continued to back away. 

"So, I think it's best if I leave."

"But Jen," he tried to stop her. 

"No, I'm leaving in the morning. I'm going back to Florida. I'm going to stay with my sister for a couple of weeks. I told her you were going to be out of town working for a while. I need to go home and see my family. I left a lot behind for you, you know. And you need to... you need to figure out what you really want, because right now, it's not me." 

Jen turned from him and walked down the rocky path and back down onto the trail. JC watched her leave. He was dumbstruck and horribly guilty. How had he not seen this coming? How could he not notice that Jen was on to him? How could she not be onto him? It wasn't like he was doing a great job hiding things. Why was he constantly ruining a good thing? He couldn't just let her walk away. He carefully traversed the rocky hill and jogged along the path after her. He finally reached her as the trail came to an end. 

"Jen!" He called after her as he followed her to the car. 

"JC, stop. Let's just go." She called behind her and continued her path to the car. 

"But we can figure this out if you just stay. I can be... I can try harder," he pleaded.

"No. I need some time. Please, can we just go home." 

"Yes, we can go home, our home," he said softly as he pressed the remote to unlock the car. Jen heard the click of the door locks and slid inside, slamming the door shut. JC slid into the driver's side and looked at her. "Jen. Baby-"

"Please, JC. I know you love me, so please, just let me do this. I need to go home, my home. I need time."

He started the car and they drove in silence. When they reached the house, he pulled into the garage, and before he could even put the car in park, Jen exited, and ran straight up the stairs. JC sighed deeply. Suddenly, the rage and self-loathing bubbled up from within. He slammed his hand on the steering wheeling a series of times. "I always do this. I always drive everyone away," he scolded himself through gritted teeth. 

He composed himself just enough, turned off the ignition, and went inside. He took the stairs slowly and entered into the main level. He glanced at the kitchen. Marta, his maid, was at the sink cleaning dishes as a woman in an all-black chef coat began furiously plating food. 

"Mr. JC. The dinner is ready, sir, but I thought you said you would call. Ms. Jen just saw your surprise." Marta explained nervously.

JC shook his head. He planned on surprising Jen with a sunset walk and a romantic dinner at home. He had asked Marta to stay late to help him coordinate everything, but it was a bust now. "Marta. Um, something came up. We're not having dinner," JC explained. The chef sighed loudly and threw down the pair of giant tweezers she was using to plate the elegant meal. "I'm sorry," JC muttered as he walked down the hall, past the laundry room, and down the stairs into his studio, shutting the door behind him. 

* * *

JC woke up with a start the next morning to the sound of knocking on his studio door. He lifted himself up from the beat-up black leather couch. It was one of the first things he bought when he lived on his own and couldn't bear to part with it. He felt his neck and back pop as he stood, stumbled to the door, and opened it carefully. Jen stood on the other side, dressed casually in a white sweat suit. 

"My car is here," She said softly. 

"You aren't coming back, are you?" he asked.

"JC, I don't know," she answered, eyes downcast.

"Will you call me when you get there? I promise I'll leave you alone. I'll give you your time. I just want to make sure you arrive safely." 

She could see the pleading in his eyes and nodded. She raised up on her toes and kissed his cheek softly. She patted his chest, turned, and walked away. 

JC spent most of the day in a haze. He tried to occupy himself in an attempt to fight off the spiral of thoughts that would try to break through. For hours, he moved back and forth between time in his studio, banging away on his keyboard, writing down bits of long lyrics or changing the mix on different songs stored on his studio computer hard drive, and his home office returning calls and checking emails. The more he worked, the better. When there were lulls in the day, the thoughts would creep in. Earlier in the day, he felt regret and disgust with himself. I push everyone away. Later, as he stood in his kitchen, filling a glass with filtered water from the fridge, his regret manifested into anger. I can't believe I could do this to her. She's perfect and deserves someone better. I hope she never comes back.  By the afternoon, he found himself in his studio again, sitting on the same beat-up leather couch he had slept on the night before thinking, battling with the oppressive and overwhelming sense of abandonment and loneliness. Which was actually a more welcome sensation than the feeling he had been trying to suppress all day. 

By the early evening, JC had felt quite successful at staying busy, and not allowing his mind to spiral deep into the void. He was listening to the playback of a track when the buzz of the phone in his pocket drew his attention away. Jen's name flashed on the screen. 

Jen: I'm here at my sister's. I will call you when I'm ready. 

And for the first time, she felt really gone. The silence in the house was deafening, and suddenly JC's breath grew quick as the thought he had been working so hard to ignore came spiraling in. The thought he had been pushing down all day, the thought he had been working to beat back since Jen stopped him on their hike the night before, came rushing to the surface and washed over him. Relief. He knew better. He did. That's why he had been fighting it, but now it was too easy. This was a thought he could cling to because something, or someone, was tangible on the other side. This was his out. This was his break from his ever present two-ness. With Jen gone, JC didn't need to sneak into the world of Josh covertly and quietly, he could just exist as Josh. No choice needed to be made.

He immediately unlocked his phone and typed out a hurried text message to Eric:

JC: I need you to clear my schedule for the next week. Cancel everything. 

Eric: Are you out of your mind?

JC: Maybe, but I'm crawling out of my skin. I need to disconnect. I'm going on a trip. 

Eric: Where are you going, when are you going to be back?

JC didn't reply, instead he made a call. The phone rang twice before she picked up. 

"Hey There!" Her voice sang through the phone.

"Hey Nicole.  It's Jay- erm Josh."

"I know," she laughed at him slightly. "What's up?" 

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" 

"I'm trying to get an early start, hopefully before 6. Try to avoid city traffic."

After a beat, JC asked, "What do you think about having some company?" 

"What?" She was confused.  

"Nicole, I want to go with you." He explained. 

"What?" she asked, struggling to actually process his request. 

"Nicole, I want to go with you.  I want to be with you. On your trip." 

Every fiber of her being was screaming YES, but the small part of her brain that contained any shred of rational thought when it came to Josh was squeaking out NO! 

"Nicole?" He asked into the phone softly, thinking the call may have dropped. 

"Yes." She replied. 

"Yes, what? Yes, I can come with you?" He asked, trying to hide his excitement. 

"Yes, Josh, I'd like that very much," she said softly into the phone. 

JC let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "It will be fun!" he said, the grin evident in his voice. 

He ended the call with Nicole and typed out a text reply to Eric. 

JC: I'm going to New Mexico.

 Nicole carried down the last of the camping gear and bags from her apartment and placed everything in different piles around her Jeep. She opened the back passenger door. Stepped up onto the door jamb and used her key to unlock the cargo box attached to the roof. She stepped down and one at a time grabbed a piece of camping equipment, stepped back up, and placed it carefully in the cargo container. First the tarp, then the tent, a lantern, a zippered bag containing various utensils and plates, cleaning supplies, one sleeping bag, and then the second.  As she organized the contents of the container, her phone buzzed against her back inside the pocket of her maroon leggings. 

Josh: I'm at your garage. 

Nicole, reached from the back seat to the visor over the front driver's seat and pressed the button on the garage remote, allowing JC access. He parked his Jeep in an open guest spot. He walked around back, opened the tailgate, pulled out a black duffle bag, a black Patagonia puffer jacket, and a lumpy pillow covered in a blue and white striped pillowcase. He carried all three items to Nicole's Jeep and set them down next to one of her piles and looked on as Nicole was back standing in the door jamb playing Tetris with the items in her cargo container. 

"Morning Sunshine!" She called down to him when she heard his footsteps approaching. 

"Morning" he answered back as he walked up behind her. He couldn't help admiring the firm roundness of her backside in her tight leggings. He slapped it playfully and took a quick pinch. 

"Hey!" She snapped and turned, moving her rear end toward the door so he couldn't take another slap at it. "That kinda hurt."

"You loved it!" He chuckled softly. "What's all up in there?" he asked. 

"Camping gear. You know, tent, tarp, sleeping bags," she replied, making one last adjustment to the items in the cargo container. 

"We're really camping, huh?" He asked, slightly on edge, concerned about his packing and the stiff lower back he was sure to get from sleeping on the ground.

"Well, yeah. At least two nights in the Gila Forest. But, after you called last night, I booked hotels. Luxury accommodation just for you!" She looked down and winked at him. "Can you hand me that telescope bag?" She asked, pointing to a rectangular black duffle bag at his feet. 

He reached down and picked it up by the shoulder strap, eyeing it conspicuously. "A telescope?" he mumbled, handing it up to her. 

"For Gila. There's an official dark sky park there, and Mr. Rhodes, our Earth Science teacher, let me borrow it," she explained as she took the bag from JC and carefully placed it into the cargo container, shut the lid, locked it, and hopped down. 

"Dark sky park?" JC asked, now looking down at her. 

"For stargazing, duh," She laughed, shaking her head. She stepped around him and proceeded to the back of the Jeep, opened the tailgate, flipped the panel on the floor over, and began organizing the ice chest, her hiking boots, and her travel backpack. She reached to grab JC's duffle bag and placed it neatly next to her things. She reached down to grab his pillow and laughed wildly as it flipped limply back and forth in her hands. "Is this even worth using?" she laughed, wiggling it in his face. "It's so lumpy! How is this even comfortable?"

"C'mon! Don't hate." He whined exaggeratedly.  "I've had that thing forever, thank you very much. It's my pillow. It's like, you know, molded me," he emphasized his point by point to himself.

Nicole tossed it into the back on top of his bag, then carefully placed his jacket and her own black puffer jacket on top of everything. 

"What about these waters, and this bag?" JC asked, pointing to the reusable shopping bag and the three, gallon containers of water. 

"Snacks!" She smiled. "Keep those up front with us. Every road trip needs snacks!"

JC placed the 3 waters on the floor behind the passenger seat, then carefully placed the reusable bag between the waters and the back seat. He reviewed the contents of the snack bag a laughed loudly. 

"What?" She asked, poking her head into the back seat from the opposite door on the other side of the car. 

"Are these road trip snacks, or bong hit snacks?" He laughed again. "Hot Cheetos? Bugles! I haven't seen those in a while." He continued to sift through the bag. "Is this beef jerky and Pringles? And Reese's Pieces!" His eyes became slits and crinkled at the corners as his deep laugh echoed through the garage. "You're like a thirteen-year-old boy!"

She shook her head in response. "I have real food in the ice chest, these are just snacks," She tried to defend. "Also, who hits a bong. It's all about vapes these days, friend." 

Now it was JC's turn to shake his head. He secured the bag one last time and shut the door. He rejoined Nicole at the back of the car, as she inspected everything one more time. Satisfied that everything was packed and secure, she shut the tailgate and turned to JC. "I'm gonna back up, and you can take this spot, you can't stay in the guest spot for more than 24 hours."

"Gotcha," he replied, taking a step closer to her, and pulling her towards him before she could walk away. He used his free hand to tilt her chin up toward him, and he leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. She wanted to melt right there, the heat from his body and his intoxicating scent, so woody and masculine, was enough to turn her into a puddle. He deepened the kiss, but only for a moment, then pulled away. He winked at her, turned, and jogged to move his car.

Nicole blew out a quick puff of air. She was suddenly lightheaded, but she worked to shake it off. She tried to compose herself as she got into her car, and slowly backed out of her parking spot. She pulled forward, allowing JC to park. Then, in less than a minute, he hopped into the passenger seat. Nicole pulled the car out of the garage and onto the road. 

As they cruised down the street, Nicole reached up and turned the dial on the radio, before she could adjust the volume on her desired station, JC grabbed her hand, and slid his fingers between hers. Trying to maintain her focus on the road, she only allowed herself to take a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye. 

"Thanks for letting me tag along. I needed this. You know, a little adventure in my life,"  he said softly, smiling. "And" JC added, "more so, I'm looking forward to a little more adventure with you."

She had barely regained her composure from the kiss in the garage, and now he was laying it on extra thick. She willed herself to hold it together. Be cool, she silently told herself. "Well, let's see if you feel the same way at the end of the week." She tried to joke, keeping her eyes fixed on ahead on the road.  

He sucked in a slight laugh, pulling their tangle of fingers toward him, and pressed his lips to her knuckles. "Oh, I will," he whispered.

* * * *

Four and half hours into the drive, Nicole surprisingly pulled off the freeway just past the California/Arizona border. The sway of the car across multiple lanes of traffic, and the curve of the off-ramp, roused JC from a deep sleep. The second the car had hit the open highway, the hum of the tires on the road and the soft vibration of the car lulled him to sleep, and he had barely moved for close to 3 hours.

JC Shifted in his seat, stretched his arms out, purposefully wiggling his fingers into Nicole's hair and spoke through a yawn, "Are we there already?" 

"No," Nicole explained, swatting, JC's hand out of her personal space. "We're making a stop."

"Yeah? Time for gas?" He asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes. 

"That too, but you'll see," Nicole answered, then added, "So far, you are the worst road trip companion ever. You've slept the entire time," she complained.

"I'll make up for it later," He smiled, reached over, and squeezed the top of her thigh. 

Nicole giggled softly, but couldn't hide the blush that formed on her cheeks. She had been sleeping with him for a few months now, so why suddenly this felt like more she couldn't understand. She cursed her body for losing control around him. 

Nicole followed the curve of the road, as the Jeep trailed along the Colorado River. There were birds spotted all along the marshland that hugged the edge of the river and merged with the side of the road. She noticed JC admiring the scenery, and offered, "Did you know the Colorado River no longer has an outlet?"

"What?" he asked her, still gazing out of the car window. 

"It doesn't meet the Gulf of California anymore. The river delta in Mexico is basically all dried up. You know, because we divert so much of it. It doesn't, like, actually make it to the ocean anymore."

"Yeah? How..." He suddenly laughed loudly and turned his head to look at her. "Why do you even know this?" he asked her. 

"I just read things." she shrugged. 

"Telescopes, dark sky parks, Colorado River facts, you're into some real nerdy shit," he laughed again, and returned his gaze out the window. 

Eventually, Nicole drove past a large metal gate and entered into a small parking lot. The lot was dotted with a series of motor homes and cars, and the far side of the parking lot contained a line of "Star Wagon '' dressing rooms, film trucks, and a craft services tent.  JC looked out of the passenger window, trying to understand where they were. Nicole Parked the car next to a second gate that contained a metal sign: "Yuma Territorial Prison." She turned off the ignition and quickly jumped out of the vehicle. She stretched her arms and shook out the stiffness in her legs. 

JC exited the car slowly. He raised up on his toes and eyed her across the top of the car under the cargo box. "Why are we at prison?" He asked her. 

Nicole shrugged, and started walking toward the entrance. "I kept seeing signs and, I don't know, a prison from when this place was the wild west, just a territory and not a state, seemed exciting. I bet lots of outlaws and train robbers were sent here."

"So, more nerdy shit?" JC asked, checking his pockets for his wallet and phone before closing the car door. 

Nicole rolled her eyes, "Maybe if you had been awake, you could have had some input." 

Nicole led him to the entrance, a small gift shop that separated the parking lot from the walled enclosure of the prison buildings. Nicole paid for the both of them, and the historical society volunteer gave them a map, explaining the layout of the prison. He apologized that their time was limited because they were closing early because of the film crew, and that also meant that the lookout tower and the exercise yard were off limits today. He then urged them to hurry so that they could see the last showing of the informational history video, which was due to start in the prison artifacts exhibit building in two minutes. 

"We better hurry then!" JC exclaimed, bouncing up and down in fake excitement. He pushed Nicole repeatedly in the shoulder, urging her out of the gift shop and into the prison compound. 

Nicole bypassed the historical movie and perused the various exhibits. She quickly scanned through diorama boxes that outlined various notable prisoners but paused for a while at the Women of Yuma exhibit. JC eased up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, and rested his chin on the top of her head. 

"They had ladies here?" He asked. 

"Apparently," she answered. "Looks like they didn't really know what to do with women, most of them got pardoned. Check this one out!" She laughed, pointing to a wanted poster behind the glass, depicting a slightly cross-eyed, and very pregnant woman.

"That's Ellen Estrada," a tall red-haired woman standing a few feet away from them explained. 

Nicole stepped out of JC's embrace and turned toward the woman, smiling politely at her. The woman's eyes were a piercing blue, and they darted back and forth a few times between JC and Nicole before permanently fixing on Nicole. 

The redhead held Nicole's gaze and continued, "Elena Estrada was imprisoned for a crime of passion. She was sentenced to seven years." 

"A crime of passion?" Nicole asked with a nervous chuckle, as she began to feel slightly uncomfortable under the woman's intense gaze.

"Yes," the redhead answered, her eyes still fixed on Nicole. "She stabbed a man." The woman shifted her gaze to JC, "It was her unfaithful lover. She then cut open his chest, pulled out his heart, and threw the bloody mass into his face," she added. 

"Well," JC sighed softly, then forced a laugh. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." He shrugged, then turned away from the woman, his eyes wide. He turned Nicole back to face him. "Are you ready to check out the cell blocks?" 

She nodded her reply, and JC led her away from the woman and toward the entrance to the prison yard. He held open the door and allowed her to exit out into the main part of the prison. He fell into step with her. His hand brushed against hers as they walked. He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers between hers, as they leisurely strolled up one aisle of prison cells and down the next. As they turned and walked across the main yard, and Nicole noticed a line of people waiting to view the dark cell, Yuma Territorial Prison's version of solitary. 

"OOO! The dark cell." Nicole smiled and dragged JC excitedly to the back of the line. 

The line to enter the dark cell paralleled a series of tables and tents that ran along the prison wall. The film crew was wheeling in AV equipment and lining it up under the tents. Various large black cases stamped with "Ghost Adventures'' were stacked on top of each other. Nicole watched the crew at work while they waited in line. Nicole noticed that the redhead they had talked to in the exhibition hall was seated under one of the tents, and again her steely blue eyes were boring through Nicole. 

A small group of three people entered the dark cell ahead of them, and as Nicole and JC moved into the next spot. JC released Nicole's hand and stood directly behind her. He massaged her shoulders gently while they waited, but Nicole couldn't relax. Something about the woman's stare made her feel on edge. 

JC could sense the tension in her shoulders and massaged harder. "Are you okay?" He asked her. "You scared about going into this dark cell with all these ghosts around? I'll protect you," He laughed. 

"No, it just..."

"Huh?"

"That woman keeps staring at us. The creepy redhead from inside." Nicole explained, nodding her head in the direction of the tents. "Do you think that woman recognizes you?" Nicole asked.

"Looks like she's a ghost hunter, maybe she's staring at the dead spirits whose souls are trapped in this prison yard. OOOOO!" he howled dramatically, wiggling his fingers at Nicole.

Before Nicole could respond, the small group that was inline ahead of them, exited the dark cell, and Nicole and JC were ushered in. The two stood in the center of the small 6x6 adobe and iron insulated structure. "Alight!" The volunteer announced excitedly, "We close the door for exactly 90 seconds, I hope you make it out with all of your wits about you!" he added and laughed as the door slammed shut. Everything was black.

They stood frozen in the darkness, in complete silence. Nicole was trying to see if her eyes would adjust to the darkness. She held her hand up to her face and waved it around, but she couldn't make out anything. 

Finally, JC broke the silence, "You still next to me?" He laughed and waved his arms around to the left side of him. He felt what he thought was Nicole's arm and squeeze lightly. 

Ticklish, Nicole giggled and squirmed under his touch. 

"Oh, here you are!" He announced loudly into the darkness. He placed his arm on her shoulders and tried to position her in front of him. He leaned down to kiss her, but his lips pressed to her eye. 

"What the hell?" Nicole laughed. 

"Does this remind you of seven minutes in heaven when you were a kid?" He asked her, leaning in to kiss her again, this time landing on her nose. 

"Josh!" She whined.

"I love that you call me Josh." He made a final attempt to kiss her, and this time landed mostly on her lips. 

"What am I supposed to call you?" She mumbled under the pressure of his kiss. 

JC pulled away, "Honey, you can call me whatever you want as long as you keep calling me."

Nicole was thankful for the darkness, as she felt the blush rise again on her cheeks. He kept dropping hints at a future, a future with her. Was he serious, or was this still casual? Either way, it was torture, because for the first time in a long time, she wanted a future with someone else. A future with Josh in it. 

Suddenly, a sliver of light punctured the darkness and then expanded across the floor. 

"And your time has been served!" The docent announced, prompting them to exit the cell. 

JC took Nicole's hand, and led her from the cell. "So, what's next?" He asked her. 

"Well, that's it. But before we go, take my picture over in that one cell with all the bunks," She requested and walked him to the cell block closest to the exhibit hall. 

They located the specified cell, and Nicole handed JC her phone to take the picture. She entered the cell and closed the iron gate. She picked up a tin can prop that was left on the floor of the cell and began to drag it across the bars, laughing. 

"Look like you just ripped a man's heart out," he joked, taking a few steps backward to frame the picture evenly. 

Nicole didn't laugh, though. Instead, she threw the cup to the ground and swung the iron door open, then charged past JC. Confused, he turned to follow her progress, and watched as she walked up to the same red-haired woman who was watching them in line and who had talked with them in the exhibition hall. 

"Is there some kind of problem?" Nicole asked, voice raised. 

JC, grabbed for Nicole's arm, but she shook him loose. 

"Why do you keep following us and staring." Nicole asked, sternly. 

The woman's face softened, and she smiled awkwardly. She took a few steps back, raising her hands up in an attempt to show that she didn't mean any kind of harm or discomfort. "No, no.  Oh. I am sorry. I think you have the wrong idea," the woman explained. "I'm, well, I'm here with the film crew. We are doing a paranormal investigation here tonight."

"What the hell? So what?" Nicole raised her voice again at her. 

"I'm a medium, and I sometimes have a hard time keeping spirit quiet. I wanted... to talk to you two," her voice softened, and suddenly she began to have a hint of a British accent. 

Nicole looked at JC, her face twisted in a mix of confusion and anger.

JC looped his arm with Nicole, "Let's go." 

"No, please," the woman stepped to impede their progress. "I'm sorry for being so rude, it's just spirit isn't always clear, but it's a he, and he keeps showing me the number three." 

"What?" Frustrated, Nicole shook off JC's arm and squared up in front of the woman. 

"There is a man, young, on the other side."

"Lady, you're maybe overstepping here, c'mon Nicole," JC became extremely nervous. 

"He keeps giving me three.  A third, or three people, and another person. He's showing me three."

"Well, unless this spirit has four more numbers, and they are going to help me win the lottery, then I don't rightly give shit." Nicole stepped around her and charged into the exhibition hall building.

JC stared at the woman, in confusion. Not completely sure he was processing what was happening. He took a few careful steps around her, and then went after Nicole. As he entered the exhibition hall, he saw Nicole exit out of the other door and head for the parking lot. JC managed to catch her just before she reached the car. "Nicole! Hey! Nicole, slow down." Nicole continued on her path. "Nic!" He called out to her a final time, using the familial name he had heard her friends use countless times.

She turned sharply. "Don't call me that. It's Nicole," she snapped.

JC held up his hands defenselessly. "Sorry." He reached out for her, but again she turned away. "Nicole!"

Nicole unlocked the car doors, opened the driver's door, and stepped up on the frame, to look at him from across the top of the car. 

"You alright?" He asked her softly. 

"Yeah, that lady was crazy, and I wanted to get the hell away from her. And, I want to get back on the road and make it to Tucson before it gets dark." 

"Fair enough." JC opened the passenger door and slipped inside. 

The two sat in silence as Nicole pulled out of the parking lot and followed the same road along the green space lining the Colorado River.  She stopped for gas before entering the freeway. JC motioned for her to stay in the car, and she sat quietly while he filled the tank. Soon they were back on the road, and the car eased onto the highway. The hum of the tires on asphalt was the only sound. 

"Can we listen to something?" JC asked tentatively. 

Nicole turned the volume up on the stereo, and the podcast she had been listening to before they stopped continued from where it had left off. 

"Can we listen to music? These murder podcasts you listen to are what put me to sleep. And that shit is morbid. This is vacation!" He balled his hands into fists and punched in the air in mock excitement.

She pulled her phone from the center console and handed it to him.  He held the phone up to her face, unlocking it. He opened to the Spotify app. She could see him swipe around on the screen, and then suddenly he leaned forward in his seat and turned his head in an exaggerated way to look at her with a knowing smirk.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Someone has been doing some digging," he replied, wagging a finger at her. 

"What?"

"You've been listening to some interesting music on this app here," he explained, trying to keep a straight face.

Nicole paled. She had listened to his album earlier in the week. Candace had been pressuring her to listen, and after the solo performance in her living room, she finally caved. 

"You looking into me?" he asked, and this time he sounded disappointed. 

"No, not really. I mean, last week, you were sitting in my living room putting on a private concert. You got pipes, you think I'm not going to, you know, like listen to your shit?"

JC leaned back in his seat and sat silently for a few moments. He turned to her and asked, "So?"

"So?" she responded. 

"What did you think of my shit?"

"You're a really wonderful singer." 

JC smiled and thanked her.

"And you were really horny in the early 2000s!" Nicole laughed. 

"I still am!" he clapped back. Then shook his head and continued, "Have you ever said, ‘Man, thank god they didn't have social media when I was young?"

"Yeah," she answered, confused by the question. 

"Same. Unfortunately, I had a record contract. Lesson learned, everything you are thinking doesn't need to be announced to the world," he laughed.

 JC and Nicole arrived in Tucson, just after five pm. Nicole coasted off the freeway and drove through the historic downtown area. She turned down a large street and pulled into the gravel driveway of a large property. Three earth-toned stucco houses with brick accents lined the large grassy plot of land. There was a fire pit and picnic area peeking out from around back. JC appeared to be confused. 

"Where are we?" He asked. 

"We're here!" Nicole chimed. She opened the door and slid from the driver's seat.

"Is this someone's house?"

"It is our accommodations for the evening. El Amador Luxury Inn." She smiled. 

"Is it an Airbnb?" He asked, getting out of the car. 

They both walked around to the front of the car and Nicole explained, "Well I was going to camp for the night in the Saguaro Desert, but since you're joining me, I figured, I'd keep the camping to Gila. You don't really strike me as the camping type."

"Hey!" he interrupted, slightly offended, but still smiling.

"I looked up places to stay near downtown, so we could, you know, walk to stuff after driving all day. This had luxury in the name, I figured it would be perfect for your fancy ass, so I booked us a room." She grinned widely. 

She led him to the office building, where they were greeted by a young college student dressed in all black. Her silver name badge read Megan. Nicole gave her name, and Megan pulled out a set of keys, walked around the counter, and led them outside and over to the far building. They entered through the main door and into a Victorian style living room. The floors were a dark oak, and the decor had many mahogany accents. She led them through the kitchen, which also contained old-fashioned decor, and down a hall. 

"Here is your room!" Megan explained. "You can access it this way, or outside around back. The other room in this building is booked for tonight, so you will share the common space, but this room comes with its own private bathroom, and the window overlooks the fountain outside," Megan droned, then, opened the bedroom door to reveal a small room with a mahogany four-poster bed. The room had floral tapestries hanging about the walls, and the duvet on the bed matched. A large, mirrored armoire sat to one side of the room, and was opened to reveal a large television. Megan led them to the opposite side of the room and opened the door to the black and teal tiled bathroom. A claw-foot tub sat under a window. "The shower head is not working properly so baths only in here, I'm sorry." She explained and then handed Nicole the keys. "You can catch the trolley to 4th street at the end of the block. If you like Mexican food, might I recommend BOCA. They have the best tacos and margaritas. If you have any questions, someone will be in the office until 10pm. I hope you enjoy your stay with us!" Megan smiled, and excused herself from the room. 

JC eyed Nicole sternly. He forced down the laugh threatening to bubble up, placed his hands on his hips, "So luxury accommodations, huh? Maybe if we are 100-year-old retirees!" He cracked a slight smile. 

"I wanted you to feel comfortable, is all. You know, you're older, and you're fancy, with all your fancy coffee machines." Nicole rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "Let's get our stuff, and then let's go eat. Maybe that BOCA place has TVs and is showing the Nats/Cards game." 

Eager to stretch their legs and walk around a bit, they made quick work of bringing in their bags, and storing the perishables of their ice chest into the shared kitchen and refrigerator. Choosing to walk the half mile rather than taking the trolley, the two strolled hand in hand down the street and back into the historic district. Fourth street was lined with trendy shops, restaurants, and bars. They decided to walk up one side of the street to the end of the historic street, then back down the other to gauge their food options before settling on eating at the Boxyard, a food court style open space with reclaimed containers serving as food and beverage stalls.

JC ordered Thai food for them at one stall, while Nicole grabbed craft beers from a local brewery at another stall across the way. The two met at a picnic table off to the side of the common space near a large TV, so Nicole could watch the baseball game. 

At a break in the game and in between bites of JC's Banh Mi, he looked across the table at Nicole. "So, you having fun?" he asked her suddenly.

Nicole smiled as she chewed her food. "Yeah. I mean, we haven't done anything yet."

"You call that incredibly engaging and educational stop at the prison nothing?" 

"Redheaded devil lady really ruined that one." Nicole added, taking a final sip of her first beer. 

"Yeah. She was a little much," he replied nervously. 

"She was legitimately weird, dude." 

"Well, you sure did run out of there quickly," he said. "You believe in that kind of stuff?" he asked her softly.  

Nicole sighed, and pushed the leftovers on her plate toward JC to finish. "Do I think she is contacting the other side, absolutely not. But also, for like the last 6 years, Jason is literally an ever-present force in my life. Not much has changed since he died. Matt, Joel, everyone likes to throw that in my face. And recently, I've decided to, you know, do something to change that," Nicole shrugged as she finished the sentence, choosing her words carefully. "So, when a crazy redheaded lady is telling me she's conjuring the dead soul of a young man, even though she's not, it feels a little bit like the universe is... I don't know. I'm ready to move on, Josh, and sometimes it feels impossible." she said defeated, looked into the bottom of her empty glass. 

"And what's stopping you?" 

"Nothing." JC watched her carefully. "Nothing, I don't know. Okay, me... I'm trying." She looked up at him and took a breath. "Like now, I'm trying with you." She confessed softly. When he didn't reply, she continued nervously, "I'm really ready to see where this goes, because the more time I spend with you, the more time I want to spend with you." She stood suddenly and picked up both of their empty beer glasses. "And that's new for me," she added before turning toward the bar for another round. 

Before she stepped away, JC called out to her, "Hey!" She turned back. "Come here and kiss me," he smiled, curling his left index finger toward him. She turned back around, relieved at his response, placed a firm kiss on his lips, then pulled away, turned, and headed for the bar.

Nicole returned to the table with their second round of beers, but before she could sit down, she heard someone calling out to her.

"Ms. B?" A voice called out from across the courtyard. A tall young man with long light brown hair that fell in waves down to his shoulders came charging toward her. 

Nicole looked up and scanned the vicinity. Only her students called her Ms. B, but maybe she had heard incorrectly. 

"Ms. B! Ms. Bell!" the young man called out again, now a few steps away from her, with another young man in tow. 

"Jose Luis?" She set the beers down on the table, and walked toward the young man, arms open. 

The two hugged and JC looked on amused. He felt narcissistic even thinking it, but he couldn't help but to be amused by the fact that she seemed to get recognized more than he did. He knew he shouldn't be. He had worked to keep a low profile over the last few years, but more often than not, when he ventured out, someone recognized him and wanted a picture or a handshake. Except when he was with Nicole. She was the one who got the attention. And of course, she would get attention. She was gorgeous, and smart, and her magnetic presence effortlessly commanded the spotlight wherever she went. Who wouldn't be drawn to her? He looked on as Nicole spoke animatedly with the young man. She moved to JC's side of the table and pointed for the young man and his friend to take the side she had just vacated. 

Nicole turned to JC and made introductions. "Josh, this is one of my former students, Jose Luis. Jose Luis, this is my... uh...his is Josh." 

Jose Luis reached his hand out to shake JC's hand. "Oh man, Ms. B was my favorite teacher! I almost majored in English because of her. This is my friend Mike."

"Nice to meet you both," JC offered. "You guys in school here?"

"Yeah." He nodded. 

"What are you studying?" JC asked.

"Mike and I are doing Conservation Biology." 

"Far cry from English," JC laughed. 

"Don't be mad, Ms. B.," Jose Luis smiled at her. 

"Conservation Biology seems like a perfect fit for you," she smiled proudly. "Gosh, this has to be like your last year, right?" Nicole asked excitedly. 

Jose Luis nodded in the affirmative. 

"God! Where does the time go? What are you thinking about doing next?"

"Applying to grad schools. But I am hoping to stay here. I work in a lab, and we are doing hydroponic research at Biosphere 2. I want to stay with Dr. Hacking."

"Shut up! You work in the biosphere?" Nicole laughed. "I tried to see if I could get a tour. We are passing through, and I wanted to stop on our way to New Mexico."

"What's the Biosphere?" JC asked.

"Yeah, they closed off public tours." Jose Luis explained. "But how long are you here? Maybe we can get you in," he looked to Mike for confirmation.

"We leave tomorrow. Going to Gila National Forest."

"Oh yeah!" Jose Luis said excitedly. "Gila Forest is dope. Do the Cliff Dwellings. The mountains have some awesome birds. Saw a nesting pair for Zone Tails there last time."

"What are Zone Tails?" JC asked.

"Really? Are you sure they weren't Turkey Vultures?"

"No!" Jose Luis responded, offended at her accusation. "Well, you know, at first, I thought they were, but then one took off, and that tail spread out, and I saw those white stripes. Gorgeous!" He explained reenacting the moment, looking skyward and raising an arm.

"Vultures?" JC asked, struggling to follow their conversation. 

"Jose Luis is a birder." Nicole explained. 

"Ms. B. used to take me bird watching. There's this marsh they rebuilt by Dockweiler Beach, and one weekend a month they would open for people to visit, and she would take me so we could tour with the Audubon people," Jose Luis smiled, reminiscing. 

"We bonded over our love of raptors." Nicole explained. 

JC sat speechless, and Jose Luis' friend Mike reassured him, "Don't try to understand it, bird people are weird." He then addressed Nicole, "But, I'm in the lab tomorrow, I can take you around Biosphere 2. You have to see the lungs. They're badass."

"The Lungs?" JC asked, growing even more confused. "Are you guys even speaking English?" 

Jose Luis answered, "Yeah, you know, it's sealed off, and Arizona is hot, so to address the air pressure issues, they built variable expansion chambers, lungs. It's pretty cool. Mike will take you for a ride on them."

"Variable expansion chambers?" Now JC was just laughing.  

Jose Luis tried to explain, "It's basically a room covered with four tons of rubber and attached to this 16-ton aluminum disk. It expands and contracts with the change in air pressure, so the whole thing doesn't just explode!" Jose Luis mimicked an explosion with his hands.

"So, what doesn't explode?" JC asked. Why was he even trying to keep up at this point? 

"Biosphere 2," Nicole, Jose Luis, and Mike answered in unison. 

"And what's that, again? Nope... No... Never mind. I'll see tomorrow I guess," he shook his head and set out to finish his meal. 

Nicole placed her hand on his thigh beneath the table and squeezed lightly in reassurance. Feeling guilty about excluding him from the conversation. 

"Ms. B, we gotta run. It was so nice to see you. Let me get your number. I'd like to keep in touch, and then Mike can get you info about getting you in tomorrow," Jose Luis explained, standing up from the table and pulling out his phone. 

Nicole stood and rattled off numbers. She walked around the table, shook Mike's hand, and then pulled Jose Luis into a long hug. She pulled away, still grasping his shoulders, "How's your mom?" she asked him reluctantly.

Jose Luis sighed, "Mom passed. Almost three years ago." He explained. 

"I'm sorry. And your sister?" 

"She's with our nina. She's doing well, 6th grade! She's a middle schooler now." 

"I'm glad to hear that. The time really does fly by. You do keep in touch, okay. And I want an invitation to your graduation in the spring." She released him.

The group said their goodbyes and Nicole resumed her seat next to JC. He leaned into her, pushing his shoulder against hers. "So birding, huh? Raptors? Rubber lungs? What are you getting me into on this trip?" He chuckled softly. She shrugged and he wrapped an arm around her. "More nerdy shit, I guess." He pressed his lips to her temple and smiled. "That's has to feel good, though, no?" He asked her. 

"What?"

"To have people all over that you've, you know, impacted, helped, inspired."

She shrugged. "How about you. You got people all over the world, who absolutely love you."

"Not the same," he nudged her again. "Teachers are cool. Looks like you're a really great one. I can't think of one teacher, who I would get excited to see out." He took a sip of his beer. "However," he continued, leaning into her ear, "when I was in school, my teachers didn't look like you," He nipped at her ear with his teeth. 

Nicole sucked her teeth back in response, and JC pulled her closer to him on the picnic bench they were seated on. He kissed her neck and nipped at her earlobe again. "What do you say we finish these beers, and get out of here," he whispered into her ear. He slid one hand up and down the outside of her thigh at first, then moved his hand between her legs. The hairs on her arms raised at his touch. He kissed her neck again, then her cheek, and finally her lips, kissing her deeply, finding his tongue with hers. He pulled a way, lips still pressed to hers, and added, "Head back to our luxury accommodations? Maybe teach me a lesson."

Nicole released a loud puff of air against his mouth in an unsuccessful attempt to stifle her laugh. "That is the best idea I've heard all day." 

***

Nicole and JC arrived at the Amador Inn just after nine pm. Before they reached their room, Nicole's phone rang in her purse. She noted Joel's name on the screen, told JC she was going to take the call, and walked back through the kitchen into the common living room space. She sat down on the ornate, cream-colored camelback sofa with golden filigree design, and answered the call. 

"Hi Joel!" she answered cheerfully.

"Hey, Nic," he answered back dramatically. "Where ya at?"

"Tucson."

"Who ya with?"

Nicole laughed softly. "Who do you think I'm with?"

"I wouldn't think you were with anyone if I hadn't talked to my mother. She says you're bringing a friend." 

"Huh, is that so?"

"Does this friend's name start with a Jah- and end with a -sh?"

"As a matter of fact, it does."

"Good. I like that guy," Joel smiled into the phone. 

"Same." Nicole replied. "When do you get there?"

"We fly in on Wednesday, you?"

"We drive in on Thursday."

"Alright, well, I won't keep you. Drive safely. Have fun. And hey, I love you." 

"I love you too, Joel." 

"Tell Joooossshhh, ‘hi!'" he added before ending the call.

Nicole rose from the sofa and slowly made her way to her room. She inspected the various antique decorations on her way. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the tap in the kitchen, before entering their room. JC was sitting in the center of the four-poster bed. He sat atop the floral duvet, his lumpy, striped pillow wedged between his back and the headboard. He was still dressed in dark jeans and a blue plaid button-down shirt, but his feet were bare and stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He had his thick black rimmed glasses on, and he was intently reading an article in a magazine, while one hand absentmindedly stroked the bristles of his two-day-old beard. It was clear he had run his hand through his hair a few times, as his curls fell back away from his face and gathered at the back of his neck. He was completely casual, but he had never seemed sexier. The whole scene was framed by the ornate posts of the bed that spiraled upward, holding up an off-white lace detailed canopy. 

"Who was on the phone?" he asked, not looking up from his magazine.

"Joel." She responded, digging into her travel bag for her pajamas.

"Yeah, what did he have to say?" he asked, still not looking up. 

"Just checking in." Nicole slid her leggings down her legs and stepped out of them. 

JC finally looked up and smiled at her. He closed the magazine and tossed it onto the nightstand. "Don't put those on!" He ordered, stopping her from stepping into a pair of shorts. "Come here." He waved her over. 

She dropped her pajamas on top of her bag and walked the few paces closer to him, at the near side of the bed. He patted the mattress next to him, and she gently kneeled onto the bed next to him. She faced him, sitting back on her feet, expecting him to say something, but he remained silent. "I like you in glasses," she said softly. "So, dignified."

JC laughed a little. He pulled the glasses from his face, inspected them quickly, put them on the nightstand, "I'm just an old man." 

"Sexy as hell, old man." She crawled forward a bit on her knees. 

JC scrunched up his face and shook his head no.

Nicole rose up and straddled his lap. She pinched his hair at his temples, "The gray, right here...mmm, mmm, mmm, So fine!" She leaned down and kissed his lips quickly. 

JC moved his hands to her hips, staring up at her. He then slid his hands up her sides, under her shirt, signaling her to raise her arms. He pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. The palms of his hands glided down the front of her, starting at her shoulders, then down her chest, over her gray cotton bra, to her waist, then back up. He paused at her breasts and squeezed gently, then slid his hands around behind her, unclasping the bra. He gently slid the straps of her bra down her arms with his fingertips and discarded it to the floor with her shirt. 

He sat up and leaned forward, adjusting her placement on his lap. He kissed the valley between her breasts, pulled back slightly, raising his eyes up to meet hers as she looked down at him. "You're beautiful" he mumbled into her skin. "I like touching you."  

The touch of his fingers, the scratchiness of his stubble, and the heat from his body was intoxicating. Everything about him turned her on, as evidenced by the state of her panties as she straddled his lap. "Josh," she breathed. 

Hearing his name from her lips was always a turn on. Almost more so than her naked form on top of him. He loved knowing he, Josh, not the brand JC, had that effect on her. "I love it when you say my name." He whispered, kissing her left breast. 

She pulled away from him slightly, placed her hand on his chest and pushed him back against the headboard. "Josh," she said with a seductive smirk, raising an eyebrow.  "You have too many clothes on, Josh."

She began unbuttoning his shirt, starting at the top button at his neck, then down his chest to his waist, revealing a white V-neck shirt underneath. Once unbuttoned, he leaned forward so she could slip it off his arms and add to the pile of clothes collecting on the floor beside the bed. She slid her fingers over a small tuft of chest hair above the V-neck collar of his under shirt and kissed the exposed skin. She reached down and pulled up the hem of the shirt, then slid her fingers underneath. She scooted back on his lap then bent down and kissed spots on his skin, starting at his stomach, just above the waistband of his jeans, then up a few inches, then higher, until his chest was exposed. Not wasting time, he made quick work of pulling the shirt over his head and tossing that too onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her chest to chest with him. He kissed her deeply and parted her lips with his tongue. Her hands found the back of his head, and she twirled her fingers in the loose curls that gathered at the nape of his neck as he kissed her feverishly.

He lowered his hands down the sides of her body, and pulled her legs around his waist, and in one sudden movement, rolled her onto her back and then positioned himself on top of her. He kissed his way down her body until he reached her panties. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched his progress. 

"We don't need these," he grinned and just as quickly pulled her panties down her legs, and they were now on the pile of discarded clothing as well.  

He continued his trail of kisses down her stomach and onto the inside of her left thigh. She was utterly turned on by his touch and the anticipation of the pleasure to come. Her body felt like it was on fire. She thrust her hips up towards him, and soon she got what she desired. He pressed a finger to her clit and gently massaged, eliciting breathy moans, as Nicole dropped onto her back. He slid his finger down and inside of her gently, teasing her, as his tongue took over. Nicole brought her knees up and bucked her hips, wanting more. 

"Yesss," she hissed. "God, Josh, please. Don't stop, don't stop."

"MMM," he responded as his tongue ravished her. The vibrations of his voice sending her further down a blissful spiral as he slid one then two fingers inside of her. He increased the rhythm as she writhed in pleasure. 

After a few minutes, he sensed her orgasm was close. Her breath became ragged and as he looked up at her, he saw her eyes clenched shut as she tossed her head back. He flicked his tongue back and forth, and as her panting grew quicker. He slid his fingers from her, kissed the inside of her thighs, and sat up on his knees. Nicole's eyes flew open in disappointment, but not for long as she saw him working to unbutton his jeans. She sat up quickly to help him remove his pants, then pushed him back down onto the bed, on his back. She straddled him and leaned down, pressing her chest to his, and kissed his mouth. The tip of his penis pressed lightly between her legs, and the wet feel of her made him lusty with desire. He moved one hand to guide himself inside of her, and she sat back, taking him in, slowly and all at once. The sensation made him gasp, and he opened his eyes wide to watch her body as she began to move on top of him. He placed his hands on her hips as she ground down on him. She rocked her hips slowly, gliding up and down. He thrust his hips upward, working to match her rhythm and increase their pleasure.  

"Uh," he moaned and grunted softly. "You feel so good. Baby, you are so wet for me."

She grabbed both of his hands and laced her fingers with his. She raised up and eased back down on him, allowing him to fill her up. Wanting him deep inside of her, hitting that right spot.

"Goddamn Josh..." she panted and picked up the pace on top of him. "Josh, god, I'm going to come." 

As her climax started to build, she pressed onto him harder, urging him in deeper. Her breasts bounced as she continued to ride him. He released her hands and grabbed each breast, circling her nipples with the pads of his thumbs. 

"Nicole, you feel unbelievable. Let yourself go, baby. Come for me." He urged bucking upward wildly. 

Nicole threw her head back and clenched her eyes shut as the wave of her orgasm crashed over her. She shuddered around him and moaned loudly, "Fuck yes, Josh, yesss." 

Before she could come down from the euphoric high she was experiencing, he pulled her down on top of him and in another swift motion flipped her over, so he was on top of her. He placed his hands behind her knees and pulled her legs up toward her shoulders, pulling almost completely out of her before pressing back into her forcefully. She grunted in response, and JC thrust into her again and again. The friction of their bodies connected, generating shear pleasure.  

"You like that?" He asked her as he buried himself deep inside of her. 

Nicole was paralyzed and could only moan loudly in an affirmative response. 

JC's own climax was fast approaching. He pumped in and out of her, then released her legs, pressing his upper body down on hers. Not breaking his rhythm, he propped himself up on his forearms positioned on either side of her face, taking a fist full of her thick brown hair in each hand. As he thrust into her his breathing became ragged, he panted, and he kissed her mouth, then her jaw, her neck, her shoulder, until finally he buried his face into the crook of her neck and thrust into her one last time. His body trembled as he gasped and collapsed on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him, not wanting to let go. 

After a few moments of catching his breath, he raised his chin and moved his mouth to her ear. "Nicole, your body feels amazing. You are amazing. If I could do that every day until the end of time, my life would be golden."

She flushed instantly at the sentiment and laughed awkwardly in an attempt to play it cool. He raised up slightly and rolled onto his side and off of her. She adjusted on the bed slightly, but he pulled her body back close to him. They were both sticky with sweat, but he clearly didn't mind. "Don't laugh. I am very serious" He whispered, sliding one arm under her body, and wrapping the other arm around the top of her. He nuzzled his nose into her hair. 

The only sound in the room now was their breathing, still heavy and from exertion. Eventually, JC broke the silence, "So, did I make up for being a bad car companion?"

"Um... I'm not sure." Nicole answered.

JC picked up his head off of the pillow and looked down at her sternly, "What?" he asked, offended.

"Maybe, I don't know. You'll have to do it again, so I can know for sure." She smiled. 

JC leaned down, "Oh, I think I can definitely do that again." He whispered and kissed her lips.

 JC adjusted on the bed, transitioning from his stomach to his back. He was trying to be as gentle as possible, so as to not wake Nicole. Once on his back, he turned his head, expecting to see her sleeping form, but she wasn't there. He stretched his arms up over his head, pushing his palms against the headboard. After a deep breath, he swung his arms forward, gathering momentum, and raised his upper body up. He turned and sat at the edge of the bed, toes touching the floor. He remained as quiet as possible, listening for a hint as to where Nicole was or what she might be doing. He glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was just after seven, she couldn't have been up for very long, but the room remained silent. 

"Nicole!" he called out. No response. 

He decided to get the day started and lifted himself off of the bed. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to adjust his sight in the low light of the room. He walked a few paces, found his jeans on the floor, and slipped them on. A few steps more, and he found his white V-neck shirt. He pulled that on as well. Assuming Nicole was in the kitchen, he moved for the door. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirrored armoire. His hair was sticking out wildly in different directions. Attempting to tame the wild strands, he ran his fingers through it multiple times. Not quite satisfied with the result, he knew it would have to do. He opened the door and took a few steps toward the kitchen. 

"Nicole!" He called out again. 

"She's out back," an unfamiliar woman's voice answered him.  

Startled, JC stepped back into the room quickly and shut the door. Who was that? He wondered. He walked across their room and pulled back the curtains of a window. There was Nicole, out back, just like the voice told him she would be. She was leaning against a green picnic table, smoking a cigarette, and chatting to a man in gray sweatpants and a navy hoodie. JC grew unexpectedly territorial. It was a ridiculous feeling, he knew that, but the probability of her slipping away, like everyone else, suddenly seemed very real and utterly terrifying; he couldn't quite help himself. He slid his feet into a pair of sneakers, placed his glasses on, and opened the outside door.

JC approached the talking pair conspicuously. Nicole caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye and, mid-sentence, took a final drag from her cigarette and tamped it out on the floor with her foot. 

"Good morning, sunshine!" she called out to him with a smile. 

Unable to ignore the soft pang of jealousy vibrating in his chest, JC walked up and assertively stood between her and the stranger. "Hey." He responded more tersely than he had intended. 

"This is Chad. He and his wife Viv are our housemates," She introduced, taking a sip from a large paper coffee cup. 

"JC," he introduced himself.

"Morning," Chad answered, extending his hand. 

JC shook his hand quickly and looked back at Nicole.     

"The three of us walked to the coffee place around the corner. Here," she explained handing him a large paper cup, "It's a cappuccino!" She giggled softly, pushing the cup into his hand. He finally cracked a smile. She then extended her arm out, inviting him to step into her embrace. She circled his waist with her arm, and, his jealousy finally subsiding, he wrapped his own arm around her shoulders. She tilted her head up, blinking at him, and puckered her lips. He obliged and pressed his lips to hers quickly before taking a sip of coffee.  

"My wife and I are from New Mexico, on our way to San Diego, so we were sharing travelers' tips." Chad explained. "Oh, speak of the devil," Chad turned at the sound of a screen door slamming, and a tall black-haired woman in matching sweats came striding toward them. "This is my wife, Viv. Honey, meet JC." 

JC extended his hand to her as she joined their small circle by the picnic table. She reached out and shook his hand firmly, a large smile slowly forming on her face. Her eyes widened in recognition, and she looked at JC, then to Nicole, and finally back to JC. 

"JC!" She smiled awkwardly. "N-nice, to meet you."

"I was telling Nicole that they just missed the Hatch Chili Festival, but that most places will still have hatch chili everything, and if they find a place with hatch chili mac ‘n' cheese it is a must!" Chad was filling in his wife on their conversation. 

"Yeah," Viv affirmed absently, unable to tear her eyes away from JC. 

"And I was trying to talk them out of White Sands, but Nicole is committed, sorry JC." Chad continued. 

"Nicole is running this show, I'm just glad she's letting me tag along," JC laughed.

"We should probably pack and load up," Nicole explained. "Thanks for the tips. I hope you two have a nice time in San Diego. The beaches are nice, but California water is cold, so you've been warned." She smiled. 

"I'm sorry," Viv spoke up, staring unabashedly at JC. "You are JC, Like JC Chasez? Like the best singer from NSYNC, JC Chasez?" She tried her best to contain her excitement. 

JC nodded, shyly. "I'm not sure about best," He mumbled

"I loved you guys! Chad, my sister is not going to believe this." She laughed excitedly. "Do you think... um..."

"He'll totally take a picture with you." Nicole said, stepping away from him so that Viv could take her place. "Do you have your phone?" 

JC gave Nicole an exasperated look but put on a sweet smile anyway. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times and turned toward Viv. She handed Nicole her phone and stood next to JC. He circled his arm around her shoulders, tilted his head closer to hers, and smiled widely. Nicole counted down from three and snapped a few pictures. She handed the phone back to Viv. 

"I can't believe this. My sister and I were huge fans. We went to like eight of your concerts! Oh my God, you had such a beautiful voice!" She turned to Nicole, receiving her phone, "Didn't he have such a beautiful voice?" 

Nicole smiled and noticed a slight blush form on JC's cheeks as he shifted his weight uncomfortably back and forth on his feet. "Yeah, he does," Nicole confirmed. 

"Thank you," JC said softly, hugging Viv lightly before stepping away. "That means a lot. You're being too kind." It was clear the compliment made him feel awkward.

"Well, JC," Nicole smiled conspiratorially, "we really should probably start packing the car and heading out," she explained, saving him from the continued discomfort of the situation. "Nice meeting you two," she waved at Chad and Viv, and turned for the door to their room. 

JC waved and followed behind Nicole. Once inside, he sat down on the bed. He watched as Nicole gathered the clothes on the floor from the previous night's escapades and placed them neatly into her travel bag. She sat cross-legged on the floor, zipping and unzipping various compartments in her bag, when she noticed JC looking at her. She smiled up at him, but he didn't return the smile. 

"What's wrong?" She asked him. He shrugged in response. "Are you weirded out because you got recognized?" she asked him on the verge of laughter, rolling her eyes. 

He shrugged, then added, "No, not really. Occupational hazard. It's just... I don't know..." 

She stood in front of him as he sat on the edge of bed. She reached down, picked his hands up and placed them on her waist. She rested her arms on his shoulders and looked down at him. "You gotta relax. People are just excited. You're associated with so many happy memories. It's not like people recognize you because you killed someone's dog." 

He looked up at her and laughed a little. "I know. But that's it. Memories. It's all in the past. ‘I was a fan.' ‘You had such a nice voice.' I'm still doing my thing, you know. I'm not washed up yet, they just, you know, only know the old stuff." He pulled her closer to him and wiggled her hips back and forth in his hands. 

"Well, it's not like you're singing and dancing and putting yourself out there like you once were." She ran her hands through his hair a few times. Sliding her hands from his scalp to the ends of his hair and twirling the curls with her fingers. He tilted his head back, closing his eyes in pleasure. On her last pass through, she gripped his hair lightly in her fists, shook his head a bit, bent down towards him and added, "Maybe you should give the people what they want." She punctuated her statement by pressing her lips to his.

"Not you too!" her whined, mouth still pressed against hers. 

"Hey," she pulled her face away from him slightly.  "Are you happy?" 

He ran his hand around the back of her and squeezed her back side, "Right now? At this moment? Yes, incredibly happy." Then he puckered his lips for another kiss. 

She complied, but only gave him a peck. "I mean, like, in life?"

He looked at her and remained very quiet. "Is anyone really?" He asked her seriously. When she didn't answer, he added. "Are you?" 

She released her hands from him, and moved a few steps back, breaking away from his embrace. "Well, that's enough of an existential crisis for one day." She forced a laugh, turned away from him completely, knelt down, and continued to occupy herself with packing. "We really need to get going. Jose Luis messaged me, and we have to get to Biosphere 2 before 10 if we want Mike to show us around," she informed him, matter-of-factly, without looking up. 

JC stood from the bed quietly, walked to the bathroom, and closed the door. 

****

Mike led Nicole and JC down a wooden planked walkway that hovered just above the dry, dusty earth. The air was arid and warm, and they were surrounded by various forms of cacti, Joshua Trees, and succulents. If not for the crisscrossing white metal triangles framing the glass of the biosphere dome, they would never have known they were not outside in the actual desert. Mike ran down a list of various flora located in the desert biome, but quickly ushered them to a metal door, and as they crossed the threshold, the noticeable change in moisture and heat was almost breathtaking. He led them a few steps into the next room, and suddenly they were surrounded by large Amazonian rubber and banana trees that shot up to the domed roof. Various fern looking shrubs gathered around the base of the trees. They followed Mike through the man-made rainforest into the bamboo belt. The distinct sound of water trickled nearby and became visible as they entered the rainforest flood plain. Completely in awe of her surroundings, unable to comprehend how all of this could be man-made, Nicole rattled off question after question, and Mike seemed to be able to answer each one with ease. 

"So, I've shown you the marine biome-" Mike started but was interrupted. 

"I still can't believe there is a 700,000-gallon ocean in this building, complete with a coral reef," Nicole announced, exasperated by the thought. 

"Too bad you guys didn't bring bathing suits, we could have gone snorkeling," Mike laughed. "Anyway, you saw the marine biome, the desert biome, and the savannah. Before I take you underground to see the lungs, I want to show you my favorite biome: the mangrove forest!"

"Mangroves! Of course." Nicole announced and followed as Mike led the way. 

"Why, ‘of course' mangroves?" JC asked with air quotes, trying to keep up with them. 

"Mangrove forests are very dynamic biomes, and they do so much good. Besides filtering carbon dioxide from our air supply, obviously, they also immobilize metals and thus remove tons of pollutants from the soil. Also, they create an intercostal habitat with small intertidal flora and fauna, which are crucial in preventing soil erosion during weather events. I mean imagine Florida without mangroves! That whole peninsula would have been washed away with Hurricane Michael last year." 

JC smiled and nodded politely. "You really are into mangroves, man," he added, rolling his eyes slightly.

"Be careful. They'll get stuck up there," Nicole whispered sarcastically at him. 

"My last four years of college have been dedicated to studying the impacts of water on soil erosion, so yeah, mangroves are my thing." Mike laughed. "It's ridiculous, but it is what it is," he added and then continued to lead the trek to the mangrove forest. 

Nicole slid her arm around JC's waist. "You're bored, huh?" She asked him. "I'm sorry. I just have always wanted to come here." 

He smiled down at her as they walked behind Mike. "Oh honey, I'm not bored at all. I mean, this place is pretty amazing. No clue what the heck you and Mike are talking about, but it's kinda hot watching you geek out." He winked at her, then pulled her arm from around him and slid her hand in his. 

JC and Nicole walked hand in hand through the mangrove biome, just a few steps behind Mike, as he rattled off detail after detail about the various flora associated with mangroves and their accompanying marshland. Eventually the path became quite narrow, and JC allowed Nicole to walk ahead, balancing on the narrow wooden planks. Soon the three were joined by a fourth person. A woman in a University of Arizona polo, jean shorts, and knee-high galoshes came sloshing through the marsh area. She was dragging a net with her, cleaning or filtering something from the water. 

"Michael! Hi," she called out. "Who do you got with you today?" She asked, looking up at the three of them as they stood just above her on the walkway. 

"Hi Dr. Reynolds. This is Jose Luis' teacher from high school and her husband," He explained. 

Nicole's stomach dropped. "Friend!" She corrected quickly. Her breathing shallowed, and her skin grew hot with embarrassment "This is my friend," she repeated in a tone of fake calm.

JC laughed a deep laugh, almost losing his balance on the small walkway. 

"Sorry," Mike offered. "I- I just assumed."

"It's ‘cause we're old, Nicole," JC explained between laughs. "You're too old to be called a girl, so you can't be my girlfriend, you must be my wife." His eyes almost disappeared as he laughed again.

Nicole forced herself to smile and laugh along. But she really was unable to process any more words after girlfriend and wife. The king of mixed signals had once again arrived. And the spiral of thoughts descended. How was it possible for those words to pass so freely from his lips? Does he want more? Is this serious? Is he ready for something official? Was she ready for something official? How would she explain this to Matt and Joel, when she had been fighting it for so long? Now she can stop fighting it, right? But does she really want it? Is she ready? It's been seven years of putting her life on hold; yeah, she was ready! Stop! Stop! She kept telling herself. I'm spinning out of control. Quit reading into this, she scolded herself. He wasn't calling her anything. He wasn't asking for anything. He wasn't labeling anything. Mike was. After a moment she reined herself back in and focused her attention, again, on the woman standing in the marsh.

"I'm Nicole," she introduced herself. "Mike is a friend of one of my former students, so he is doing him a favor by showing us around," she explained, then waved her hand toward JC, "and this is--"

"I know who you are!" the woman said, failing to hide her excitement. "JC Chasez! Wow! I'm a big fan. Huge!" she announced, sloshing her way closer to the wooden walkway. With a bit of effort, she was able to raise up a muddy boot, and stepped up to join them on the narrow walkway, advancing on JC, holding out her hand. "I'm Doctor Amanda Reynolds!"   

Startled by her enthusiasm, he smiled awkwardly and shook her hand. "It's um, nice to meet you, hon- Doctor."

Mike turned to Nicole, confused. 

"He used to sing, in a group," she explained. 

Mike turned back to JC, looking at him again as if for the first time. JC was wearing black jeans and black t-shirt with a motorcycle logo on the back. His hair was long and looked unrushed. He seems so average, it was hard to believe he could possibly be a celebrity. 

"You know, you should really sing again!" Doctor Reynolds announced, stepping closer, advancing on him again. "You were so good. I mean, it's a shame we never got to hear your second album," she continued. 

JC's eyes grew large. It was clear he was uncomfortable, every time she took a step towards him, he took a step back. "Yeah, thanks. I'm working on the back end now."

"You should not hide your voice from the world! Could you," she blushed bashfully before continuing, "do you think you could sing something right now?" Doctor Reynolds grew more and more excited with each word she spoke. 

JC looked past the woman, silently pleading for rescue. "Oh, I couldn't, you know, I gotta warm up the pipes first," he explained absently, touching his throat lightly for emphasis. 

"And you're still so handsome! I was so in love with you when I was younger." She suddenly turned her attention to Mike. "My walls were covered with posters of this guy! And Lance." She turned her attention back to JC and walked a few steps closer.  "I loved Lance, but you were definitely my favorite.  I mean, I'd leave my husband for you right this second, if there's a chance." She smiled with a wink. 

"Well," JC began, looking past her again, eyes the size of saucers, "I think Nicole might take issue with that, as well as your husband." 

Nicole tried to stifle her grin and shrugged her shoulders at him. 

"Well, Doctor Reynolds," Mike finally interjected uncomfortably. "They are heading out, so I was going to take them downstairs really quick before they leave, we should get going." He walked past Doctor Reynolds and escorted JC down the walkway, Nicole in tow. 

"It was nice meeting you!" she called out, waving. 

"You, too, honey," JC replied without looking back. "That woman is a doctor?" JC asked Mike as they charged toward an exit. 

"Yeah. And my boss."

****

After climbing through a series of long metal tube-like tunnels that ran under the entire length of the biosphere facility and watching the giant compression chamber lungs regulate the air pressure of the entire building, Nicole and JC were headed back to the car. She opened the tailgate on the back of her jeep and sat, feet dangling below the back bumper. She proceeded to change from her hiking boots to a pair of sandals. JC stood silently watching her. 

"Are you okay?" She asked him. 

He nodded in the affirmative. 

"Did you have fun? That place is pretty cool." 

He nodded again. 

She wiggled her toes, satisfied with her change in shoes, she secured the items in the back of the car, closed the tailgate, and turned back toward JC. "I feel like there's something wrong."

"You want me to drive?" He asked her, changing the subject. 

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked, tossing him her keys. 

He caught them, turned quickly, and took his place behind the wheel in the driver's seat. She quickly occupied the passenger seat. JC adjusted the mirrors and pulled the car from the parking lot. He eased the car onto the highway, and they drove in silence, apart from the dull hum of music on the radio. Nicole watched him as he drove. His jaw was set, eyes fixed on the road, and she could see the tension on his face.

"We don't have to talk about it, but you're not okay. And I'm putting two and two together," she continued when he refused to respond. "So, twice today some chicks got really excited to meet you, and both times you got weird. I feel like you should be flattered, but clearly you aren't so, what gives?"

JC maintained his eyes on the road ahead, but she could see the muscles in his jaw twitch slightly. 

"If I can do something, to help, let me know." She explained, but still no response from him. She cracked a small smirk, "How about a little road head?" she asked, reaching over, and sliding the palm of her hand over his thigh and towards his crotch. 

He flinched slightly, and turned to give a disapproving look, allowing himself to smirk ever so slightly. He pulled one hand from the steering wheel to stop her hand from advancing on his lap. He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed her hand. "I'm fine." Then after a long pause, he added, "I don't like when that happens. Sometimes. When I'm just being, you know, me."

"But that's part of you."

"No, I know. I don't mind it as a general rule. I just like to be prepared, and..." he finished his thought early.

"And?" Nicole pressed him. 

"And it comes with a lot of questions, and expectations, you know," he turned his head, eyeing her. When she nodded that she understood, he continued, "I'm not the same. None of us are. Are you the same person you were fifteen/twenty years ago?"

"No," she answered softly, shaking her head. 

"So, they don't recognize me. They recognize who I used to be. They want something that I can't give them, and, well, I hate letting people down... But today," he squeezed her hand again gently and continued, "...and with you, I just want to be me. One of my favorite things about you, being with you, is how easy it is to be just Josh." He exhaled softly, like releasing a weight.

Nicole warmed at his confession. The butterflies returned to her stomach, and again she was floored by the effect he seemed to have on her. She smiled at him, though he wasn't watching, then squeezed his hand back, bringing their clasped fingers toward her, she kissed his knuckles. Then after a brief moment said, "I want to ask you something, but I'm a little afraid."

JC's shifted uncomfortably. A wave of nerves rushed through him. What was she going to ask him? He swallowed hard. "You can ask me anything." He said, eyes again fixed on the road. 

"Why do you--I mean, if you're just Josh, why do you introduce yourself as JC?" She asked. Then promptly added, "I'm not questioning you or anything; just curious."

"Because I'm a confusing son of bitch," he laughed, relieved. 

***

The distance to their New Mexico camp site in the Gila National Forest was not far in miles, but the winding roads up mountain sides and through dense forests made for an extremely long drive, timewise. They arrived just before 5pm. They parked on the asphalt slab next to a lush green space that sank back into an area of thick trees. The pair quickly exited the car, ready to stretch their legs. Nicole inspected the campsite. She walked back a few feet into the tree covered area, and then met JC at the small ring of rocks that served as a fire pit in the grassy clearing near the car. 

"Keys?" She asked, extending her hand. "We need to set up this camp site, and head over to the observation deck before it gets dark. 

JC handed over the keys, and Nicole made quick work of opening the cargo container on the roof of the vehicle. She pulled one item at a time down from the container, handing each to JC as he made a neat pile on the side of the vehicle. 

She jumped down from the door jamb on the side of the car and clasped her hands together in excitement. "Okay! You wanna do the tent or firewood?" she asked him.

"Um," JC looked at the items on the ground and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I've never done either, so..."

"Okay, fancy pants!" she quipped. "I guess now's as good a time as any to learn. Grab that tarp," she ordered as she dragged the bag containing the tent over to the clearing. 

Together they spread out the tarp. She explained how once the tarp is down, you lay the base of the tent over the tarp, then laughed as JC struggled to determine which end of the tent was the base. He figured it out eventually. She took one set of tent poles and showed him how they interlocked with each other, then slid her poles through one set of loops, extending diagonally across the length of the tent. She looked on as JC clumsily worked to do the same. The tent was pitched rather quickly nonetheless, but they had some difficulty pushing the stakes into the hard earth. Nicole laughed as JC kicked and jumped up and down repeatedly on one stake. She disappeared into the trees and came back with a large rock, which she hammered onto the stake and drove it into the ground with ease. 

"I got it started for you!" He whined. 

"Yeah, you did." she stroked his ego. "Now let's attach the rain fly." 

"Is it going to rain?" He asked nervously.

"No, but it will help with warmth and if there's any moisture in the air." 

"You don't need that. I'm hot! I'll keep you warm," he winked at her with a large, goofy grin.

"I'm counting on you keeping me warm, but we'll put the rain fly up just in case," she laughed.

Nicole tossed the waterproof material over their tent and explained to him how to attach it to the grommets with carabiners. They stood back admiring their handy work. Let's get the sleeping bags and mats in there. She walked back toward the car and picked up a roll of what looked like hexagonal shaped plastic. She unfurled it to reveal two different sleeping mats. She handed one to JC, showed him the air valve and told him to blow up the mat to his desired thickness. 

"Well, you've done this before." He laughed between breaths. 

Nicole crawled into the tent, and he handed her the mats, followed by a pair of sleeping bags, the lantern, and his floppy pillow. 

"What do you say we look for some firewood, make a sandwich, layer up, and find a spot for stargazing?" He asked her, egging on her enthusiasm. 

Nicole locked the car, and the two ventured off into the forested area behind their tent. JC listened intently, as she explained what constituted kindling, tinder, and fuel, and would smile and pump his arm when she approved of his haul. Nicole arranged the sticks and pieces of branches into a pyramid shape in the fire pit and joined JC at the back of the Jeep. He was putting the finishing touches on two salami sandwiches. He wrapped one in a napkin and handed it to Nicole. 

They sat in the back of the jeep, side by side, legs hanging down past the bumper. Between bites, JC turned suddenly towards her and asked, "What happens when we have to use the restroom?" 

"Walk at least 50 feet back that way," she tilted her head back behind the tent, "and mark your territory behind a tree." She explained while chewing. 

JC nodded, then asked, "What if it's number two?" 

"Same, but dig a hole with a rock. I got toilet paper and hand sanitizer in that bag in the tent. Oh, and bury the TP." 

"Do you really just shit in the woods?" He asked her with a wide grin.  

"What's good for bears is good for me?" She laughed and shrugged. 

"There's bears?" He stood suddenly, looking around as if a bear were going to pounce at any moment. 

"I'm sure there are. But if it were a concern, then there would be bear boxes. We will keep all the food in this ice chest and in the car anyway. No snacks in the tent," she explained calmly.

"Bear boxes?" JC's eyes grew wide.

"Some campsites have metal containers where you can keep your food and ice chests and stuff. None here, so there's probably not a bear issue here."

"What have you gotten me into? Bears, shitting in the woods. I'm not sure if I thought this trip through. I can't believe you were going to do this by yourself!"

"If you need to poop, and you don't want to shit in the woods, you can walk to the gate we drove in through. There are outhouses there.  But otherwise, yeah, you gotta shit in the woods. As for bears? Well, if you die by bear, at least that's an interesting story." 

Nicole popped the rest of the sandwich into her mouth and stood. She wiped the crumbs from her lap and reached into the back of her Jeep. She pulled out her boots, a pair of flannel pants, and her puffer jacket. "As soon as the sun sets it will get cold, and I want to watch Saturn rise, so we will be on the observation deck for a while. Meteor showers this week too, so we might see some after ten. She pulled the pants over her leggings, changed her shoes, and tossed her sandals into the back of the jeep. She walked round to the side of the car, stepped up, and pulled the telescope bag, a wool blanket, and a large flashlight from the cargo container before closing and locking it. He watched as she placed a red filter over the flashlight and tested it a few times. 

JC finally rose up from his spot at the back of the Jeep. He found his own jacket, pulled a gray beanie from his duffle bag, placed it on his head and pulled it down over his ears. He walked around to the front driver's door, reached in, and retrieved his plastic water bottle and Nicole's hydro flask, then met her at the back of the car. Nicole ensured everything was secure in the car, closed it, locked it, and led JC down the gravel walkway. The gravel trail led them up a hill and onto a clearing, with a sign posted that read, "Gila Dark Sky Park Observation Deck." 

There were only four other people, comprising two groups of two, setting up in the observation area. Nicole stopped at a spot on the far edge of the clearing. She spread out the wool blanket. JC sat at the center of it and watched as Nicole went to work setting up the telescope. She was thankful for the light of dusk, as she needed to read the directions booklet to ensure her set up was correct. Satisfied that the telescope was operational and would remain upright, Nicole took a seat next to JC on the blanket. 

"Now what?" He asked her, leaning in, and bumping her shoulder with his. 

"We wait. The sun should set in about 20 minutes. Saturn will start to rise, just over there in about an hour." She pointed off into the horizon.

"How do you know this stuff?" He asked. 

"Google." she smiled. 

JC laughed. "But how did you even get into this. Stars and planets and what not?" 

"You don't like stars? Or space? I thought everyone loved space stuff."

"Yeah." JC grinned suddenly. "Once, I wrote a song about. Like to hear it? Here it goes..." He looked at her eyebrows raised waiting for her to laugh, but when she didn't, he just laughed to himself. "Never mind," he shook his head. "So, yeah, I like space, but not enough to actively seek out a dark sky park. I mean, we have already established you are into some nerdy shit, but how did you get into this specific piece of nerdy shit?"

She sat silent for a moment, and then sighed nostalgically. "Well, I guess it was kinda by accident. Maybe six years ago," she counted on her fingers. "I was in Chile. I know, random. But I was in a town called Vicuña. I met this guy in my hostel. German guy, from Freiberg. Anyway, he had a car, and one day during breakfast we were talking. He told me that he was going to drive out to this observatory in the mountains. Apparently, it's a pretty famous one: Mamalluca Observatory. Anyway, we went, and we listened to this guy give a talk, all in Spanish so that was interesting, and he showed us all these things through a telescope, and it was unbelievable. Jupiter, the Orion Nebula, the Southern Cross. We stayed up there most of the night. I had never seen so many stars in my life. I didn't know that many stars in the night sky was even possible! You could see it all, everything. Our galaxy! The Milky Way! It was just there, spread out across the sky. And we were so high up, it was like we could touch it.  It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Until two weeks later, we were south. Patagonia," She pointed to the logo on JC's jacket. "In Torres del Paine, and I thought we had seen stars in Vicuña! Down there, Wow! We saw more stars than you could ever imagine! Imagine a shit ton of stars, and multiply that by like a million!" She looked at him, smiling. "I've been chasing the dragon ever since," she added with a wry smirk and a shrug of her shoulders.

"Huh." JC responded, shaking his head slightly. 

"What?" She asked.

"I was expecting, you know, a childhood field trip to the Griffith Observatory, or star stickers on your ceiling. But no, you came in hot! World-famous South American observatory in the Andes Mountains with a German guy. My goodness, your willingness to get involved with strangers is astounding." JC shook his head, feigning seriousness. "Reckless!" 

"I guess you're right." She said seriously, looking down.

He eyed her questioningly.

"Once," She took a breath and lowered her chin, raising only her eyes to look at him. She exhaled softly, "Once, I was out, and there was this guy. And, well, he put something in my drink, and I was so out of it." She started to smile, "And this, like, real kind guy, sorta helped me out, but, like, now, I can't shake him. He's like, just always around." She raised her chin up to face him. "A real stage five clinger."

"Oh, Oh! I'm a stage five clinger, huh?" he asked sarcastically, pointing to himself.

"Yeah," Nicole answered with a nod and a smile, "you are."

"Oh, well... I mean, I guess... you're right... because..." He laughed and adjusted himself on the blanket. He shifted so that her back was to him. He extended his legs out on either side of her, then wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arm to the sides of her body, and pulling her in close to him. "... I'm totally hooked. And now that I have you, it's highly unlikely that I'm going to let you go." He placed a sloppy trail of kisses from her ear down the side of her face. She wiggled to escape him, but he held on tighter. "I'll show you a stage five clinger!" He laughed and kissed her cheek again. She turned her head, attempting to face him, and he pressed his lips to hers.  She kissed him back deeply. After a moment, he released his grip on her but kept his arms in place around her. He kissed her cheek again, then her jaw, and finally her neck, as she rested back against him in his arms.

From deep inside of her sleeping bag, Nicole slid her hand up along the zipper until she found the pull. She counted down silently and then pulled the zipper down, allowing a rush of cold air to enter the warm confines of her makeshift bed. She folded the loose corner down and then inched herself from the sleeping bag. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and noted JC's absence from the tent. She grabbed her wadded up puffer jacket, which served as her pillow, and put it on. She walked a few paces, hunched down low, to the door of the tent. She lowered the zipper and peaked her head through. The rain fly was open, and she stuck her head out, looking for JC. A fire was going in the fire pit, but he was nowhere to be found, and the Jeep was no longer parked on the asphalt slab adjacent to their camp site.    

She stepped back inside, grabbed her water bottle and a small canvas toiletry bag, then sat down at the entrance to the tent.  With her feet stretched outside the opening, she pulled on her boots, stood up, and took her first steps into the outside world, greeting the new day. She squinted under the glare of the bright sun. Unsure where JC could possibly have driven off to, and with the coffee and breakfast in the back of the car to boot, she tried to stifle her irritation. She sighed and marched into the wooded area behind the tent. 

JC pulled the Jeep back up to the campsite only moments after Nicole's departure. He stepped out of the car and inhaled a deep, satisfying breath. He moved to open the back of the Jeep so that he could begin handling breakfast, when he noticed the tent door was open. 

"Good morning, sunshine" he drawled sarcastically, as he opened the Jeep's tailgate.

He was met with no reply, so he walked to the tent and poked his head inside. Surprised not to find her in the tent, he pulled back quickly and looked around. A slight wave of panic washed over him, but he worked to stay rational. 

"Nicole!" He called out. 

Again, no reply. 

"Nicole!" He called out, elevating his voice. "Nicole!" he called out again, still louder. 

He heard the soft crunching of leaves behind him. "What?" he heard a garbled version of Nicole's voice, and finally, she emerged from the trees with toothpaste foaming about her lips and a toothbrush in her mouth. "I was peeing."

JC laughed inwardly, more at his pang of worry than her response. He watched as she marched to the back of the Jeep. She spit out her toothpaste, took a sip from her water bottle, swished, and spit again, then bent forward into the back of the car and rustled through various items.

"Where did you go?" She asked him as she emerged from the back of the Jeep with a jar of coffee and a small metal pitcher with a rubber handle. 

"The bathroom."

"You drove to the bathroom?" She looked at him amused as she filled the metal pitcher with water, walked to the fire pit, placed the iron grate over the dying fire and proceeded to set the pitcher neatly in the center of the grill. "You couldn't just go back there?" She pointed to the treeline she had emerged from moments before. 

"I'm not sure if I'm ready for shitting in the woods," he laughed and blushed slightly. "And the entrance to this place isn't really that close of a walk. Last night, you got me all nervous about bears." 

"Are you for real?" she asked, on the verge of laughter, eyes wide with surprise. 

"No. Well, maybe. C'mon, man!" he whined.  "It was cold, that's why I drove, but also driving offers bear protection, the two aren't mutually exclusive," he shrugged and walked to the back of the car. He pulled out two plastic mugs from a box that sat next to the ice chest and walked them over to Nicole, who was still standing by the fire pit. He kissed her sweetly, and added, "Good morning, by the way." 

"Good morning," she responded. 

JC set the mugs on a large rock near the fire pit. Nicole leaned down and checked the status of the water she was heating in the pitcher. It wasn't boiling yet, but she walked to the mugs and scooped two big spoonfuls of instant coffee into each, then handed the jar to JC to put away. He inspected the label as he placed the jar back into the box in the back of the Jeep. 

"Instant coffee. Really?" He asked her, peeking from around the back of the car. 

"No cappuccino machines in mother nature. You want to pull out the bowls. I figured cereal for breakfast. I have almond milk in the ice chest."

"Almond milk?" He asked, again peeking out from around the car. 

"It keeps better and doesn't have to stay cold like dairy." She explained as she picked up the pitcher of now boiling water and began pouring it into the prepared mugs. "You're already concerned enough about shitting in the woods, imagine if you consumed spoiled milk." she called out to him. 

JC began filling two bowls with the contents of a box of Puffin cereal. He added the milk, placed a spoon in each, and walked them over to the fire pit. He exchanged one bowl of cereal for a cup of coffee, and they sat on the wool blanked Nicole had placed on the ground by the fire. 

"So, what's the plan for today?" JC asked between bites. 

"There are a few hiking trails around here, I figured we'd pick one you feel comfortable with and check it out," she explained, blowing on the surface of her coffee. 

"That I'm comfortable with?" He asked, eyeing her, offended. "I hike!" 

"Runyon Canyon doesn't count," Nicole laughed. 

JC's heart sank at the mention of Runyon Canyon. Five days earlier, Jen had walked out of his life at Runyon Canyon. He had done well to push the thought of her out of his mind, but the trigger of that memory bore a small hole in his heart, and the ache didn't go unnoticed. He wasn't in the habit of running people out of his life, but that seemed to be his pattern. He looked at Nicole suddenly, eyeing her suspiciously, wondering how long before she too walked out of his life. It was surely only a matter of time. "I hike," he mumbled again. 

"There are some really short hikes we can do, paved, and what not around here. Something called the catwalk, which is a walkway over a small canyon. Bear Creek is short too. Or we can do Mineral creek."

"Minerals sound less scary than bears," JC commented with a mouth full of cereal. 

"Mineral creek is longer, but it will take us to an old mining town called Cooney. Apparently, Cooney got ambushed and killed by an Indian chief," Nicole grew more excited as she spoke. "Anyway, his tomb is there and whatever is left of his house is there, and a bunch of ruins from the mining town. A couple of different trails break off there, so we don't have to do the whole thing, but it's longer."

"Well," JC laughed. "I know which one you want to do. How long are we talking, here? I don't run marathons like you."

"It's out and back, so six miles, maybe. Total." She looked at him hopefully. 

"That seems doable. I'm not just some stuffy city slicker, you know. I can do outdoorsy things." He turned to her and smiled widely. "I just don't do them as often as you do."

"Well, I'll make this one worth your while." She leaned in and kissed his lips quickly. "You know something?" She asked him.

"I know a lot of things," he answered, looking at her.  

"You're cute," she mentioned casually, standing up quickly, draining the excess milk from her cereal bowl, and headed to the car to rinse it and place it back into the box in the back. 

JC shook his head but smiled in spite of himself. He watched Nicole as she bent forward into the back of the car, expecting her to emerge quickly. When she didn't, he stood and walked to her. He watched her as she rifled through her travel bag, pulling out articles of clothing. He rinsed his bowl, but before placing it back in the car, he slapped Nicole's backside playfully. She straightened quickly and turned her backside away from him, eyeing with mock offense.

"I can't help myself sometimes," he explained. "If you're just gonna hang it out there like that, I'm gonna have to touch it."

****

After batting down things at the camp, Nicole loaded her day pack with water and food for the both of them, tossed her keys to JC and prompted him to drive. They took the highway south, following signs for Magollon, a town that had seen better days. The turn-off for Magollon consisted of a narrow dirt mountain road. The tree lined mountainside was dotted with rundown wood and log buildings. Everything looked closed, except for a small general store. 

Nicole prompted him to park behind the store. Before he could turn the ignition off, Nicole jumped out and ran into the store through the screened back entrance. Unsure of what to do, JC remained in the car, watching for her to reemerge. A few minutes later, she came jogging around from the front of the building, waving a paper in her hand, and motioning for him to pop the tailgate. JC slid from the driver's seat and met her around back. 

"Got a trail map, we are all set." 

She stepped away from the vehicle, allowing JC to close the tailgate and lock the doors. She took the keys from him and placed them into her day pack. She slung the heavy pack onto her shoulders, and led JC out of the parking lot, down a dirt hill and to the trailhead. 

The pair descended a short but steep, dusty hill, then entered into a tree canopy. They took a path that led them through a half mile series of switchbacks, which deposited them in a small gorge. The thickness of trees made it hard to see in the distance, but the sun was bright and shone through the leaves, lighting their path. The sound of water served as a guide, as Nicole matched up aspects of the trail with elements on her trail map. The trail wound through a mile long section of Ponderosa Pines. Nicole would stop from time to time to listen to various bird calls. JC remained a half step behind her on their trek and smiled, amused by her excitement at even the smallest new sound. 

Eventually the trees thinned, and the trail opened up, placing them out into a clearing. The water source they could only hear at first was now visible as a small creek ran alongside them. As they followed the water, they reached a series of rounded gray rocks, and the creek waters careened through the holes and grooves in their honeycomb rock formation.

It was JC's turn to be excited. "Wow!? He exclaimed, hopping over holes in the rocks and pausing from time to time to look down at the water. "This is crazy!" he announced, looking up at Nicole, who stood over a hole he was kneeling at. 

"Yeah! The water is just eating away at this tuff." 

"What's tuff?"

"This rock we are standing on. Remnants of an ancient volcanic eruption." She smiled. 

He stood looking at her, mouth slightly open, "We're on a Volcano?" 

"Kinda. I mean, why do you think we have all these mountains?" She sat down at the hole JC was inspecting, allowing her feet to dangle through. 

They had been walking for about two miles, and the scenery, along with JC's sudden excitement, created the perfect incentive for a little break. She pulled her backpack off, set it in her lap, and pulled out a water bottle. She took a few sips, then handed it to JC. He took the bottle from her, turned, and wandered to another hole, bending down, inspecting it just as carefully as the last. 

He picked his head up and looked back at her, "First there's maybe bears, and now we are kinda on a volcano, huh? You are trying to kill me, aren't you? You want to get rid of me that badly?" 

"Oh man, if you died too, I'd either be cursed or the next black widow killer," she laughed.

JC's heart sank. He wasn't being serious with his comment, but he should have known better. He stood quickly and walked back to her. He sat down next to her, eyeing her seriously. "That was a bad joke, I'm- I--"

"Holy shit!" Nicole laughed and playfully slapped his arm. "Don't apologize, I was kidding too. I thought we were joking." 

He held her gaze, eyeing her skeptically. After a beat, he cracked a small smile, "I mean, you do listen to those murder podcasts."

Nicole laughed and raised an eyebrow, "Uh oh, he's figuring it all out!"

"You're about to sacrifice me to this volcano, aren't you?" He stood up and took a few steps back from her. 

"I think volcanoes only take virgins," she mentioned casually as she stood, walking toward him with her bag open, prompting him to return the water bottle back inside.

"Well, that's definitely not me, then," He wagged his eyebrows at her and took the bag from her. "Or you," he slapped her backend playfully, something that was becoming a common occurrence. He returned the water to the backpack and slung it onto his back. "I'll carry it for a while. Where to next?" 

They continued along the honeycomb of rocks, crossing back and forth across the creek for a few feet until it dropped off onto a designated dirt trail. JC jumped down first, and before Nicole could follow, he turned around and held out his hands to help her down. Stifling the desire to roll her eyes at his chivalry, she reached out for his hands and allowed him to help her as she hopped down from the rocks. 

He was reluctant to release her hand and pulled her back to him before she could continue down the trail. He kissed her softly and whispered, "I'm having a great time, by the way." Then released her, allowing her to take the lead once again. 

"I'm glad," She smiled back at him and continued walking. "This is basically my happy place. I love just being outside, wandering around."

They followed the designated trail for another half mile. Large mountain rock formations lined one side of their path, while a new canopy of green and yellow trees lined the other side. As they walked, from time to time, Nicole would point out different trees, different rock formations, different birds, and even explained the difference between big horned sheep scat and deer scat. 

"You know the most random stuff. Where does it all come from?" JC laughed as they climbed up a series of rocks and rounded a mountain side. 

"What? You just learn as you go."

"How did you even get into this? Did you and Jason hike and camp and stuff?" He asked casually.

"No, not really. I mean we camped a few times, but that was just doing mushrooms and drinking beer in the woods, and banging in a tent," she laughed. 

"My kind of camping!" JC mumbled, carefully choosing his steps, as the trail grew rockier and more unstable. 

"He was a beach guy. You know, he and Matt were like big surfers. In 2004 the two of them surfed every single day. Rain, shine, sick, whatever. Every morning." 

"Impressive," He mused. 

"You know, I don't think Matt has surfed since Jay died." She walked a few more steps and then paused suddenly, turning to look at JC. "And he thinks I'm the one with issues!" She complained, pointing to herself for dramatic effect. 

"Projecting?"

"I think so." Nicole rolled her eyes and turned, continuing along the trail, which flattened out dramatically. 

"But seriously, how did you get into this. Girl scouts?" He asked, chuckling, keeping pace but a few steps behind. 

"Hiking isn't that strange of a thing to get into. And, I mean, look around," She stopped suddenly and looked at him intently. "It's gorgeous out here!"

"Yeah, but you go for days. If I weren't with you, I feel like you'd backpack from here to Santa Fe."

"You're probably right," she laughed, pausing, allowing him to catch up with her. "But I'm glad you're with me." 

As JC approached her, he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close to him. "I am too. And I needed to get away. Sometimes I get so caught up in things, and it's like I can't escape."

"Well, out here is the cure," Nicole affirmed. "You can't help but be present. Because, well, nothing else matters. The most important thing is this step, this moment, you know?" She looked up at him. "No time for those thought spirals, gotta be in the moment, because you can't afford to take the wrong step."

They walked side by side a few minutes until the trail narrowed again, forcing them to separate. The trail descended another series of switchbacks. The rocks and dirt were loose, and they had to take careful steps to avoid sliding. 

"Joel's family took us camping a lot when we were kids. Joel hates camping though, but his dad is a total mountain man. He even hunts." She stopped again, turned to JC and in her best impression of an older man's voice added, "‘Bow and arrow hunting only. Honorable kills.' And Joel's brother Marty is a big backpacker. He was teaching a wilderness basics class through REI, convinced me to take it and to hike Mount Whitney with him. He was like, ‘you do marathons, you can trek.' So, I guess, to answer your question, they were how I got into this."

"You're close with Joel and his family." 

"Yeah. We went all through school together. In second grade, his mom sorta took me in, when she found out about my dad. She forced him to invite me over after school for play dates, or whatever," Nicole laughed. "I spent a lot of time with them. I practically lived with them at certain points from like seven to seventeen. My mom struggled to hold it together. I'm grateful for Karen and Paul. I don't know where I'd be today if it weren't for them."

"Hmm." JC responded absently. 

Nicole could sense a change in him. She stopped under the guise of needing a break and some water. She eyed him questioningly, as he pulled the backpack off of his back and riffled through it for a water bottle. 

"What's the matter?" She asked him. 

"Nothing." He pulled a water bottle from the bag and handed it to her. 

"You got awfully quiet." She pressed him, taking a drink, then sat on a log a few steps off the trail. 

"I guess I can relate. I was adopted by Karen," he smiled and said her name with emphasis, "and Roy, not Paul. But my mom was having a hard time keeping it together too.  And she knew my parents, and she knew they would do a good job of taking care of me, and she was right. I know it was hard for her, but she made the right choice. Family doesn't have to be blood and bone, you know."

"Yeah," Nicole responded with a nod. "Joel and them are definitely my family." She took another sip of water, then reluctantly asked, "do you ever... get curious about your family, though?"

"About my biological family?" 

"Yeah. I ask because Candace thinks I should do an Ancestry DNA thing, see if I can't find actual relatives, but I don't know."

"I'd lie if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind, but my family is Roy and Karen, and my brother and sister. That's all I need. And I know my biological mom. I would see her, so I don't really have questions or a curiosity." 

JC took the water back from Nicole and replaced it in the bag. Before he could sling it onto his back, Nicole took it from him and slid her arms through the straps. She dusted off the seat of her pants and again led them down the trail. 

"So, you don't know any of your extended family?" He asked suddenly.  

"No."

"No grandparents or aunts, uncles, cousins?"

"No. I mean, I probably do. But I don't remember meeting anyone or my dad talking about anyone. And I don't remember many sober times with my mother, so I don't know if I ever even asked her about it. And we lived and moved so many places, we didn't really have things like pictures or albums or whatever." 

"And you aren't even a little curious?" He asked.

"When my mom was alive, I wanted nothing more than to escape her. I would spend one, two, three months with Joel's family and I would hope she'd never come for me, but she always did, and I always hated it. When she died, I was finally free." She stopped and turned to him. "I know that is a fucked-up thing to say, but it's true. She's out of her misery, and I'm out of mine. I have truly little desire to explore anything related to her."

"Fair enough." he smiled and squeezed her arm reassuringly.  

They walked along in silence until the rocky trail turned into a grassy one, slowly the trees began to thin, and the sun grew warm on their skin. Eventually, the trail spilled them out into a small grassy valley. They paused and took inventory of their new surroundings. The perimeter of the valley had a series of large brick piles and various debris. In the center of one piles of bricks sat the remnants of a giant bank safe. It caught JC's attention immediately as he walked quickly to inspect the large metal box. Nicole continued to scan the clearing and noticed at the opposite end stood a significant brick structure built into the side of a large mound of earth. The bricks still held the form of the arched doorway, and at the opening sat a series of small metal rail cars covered with layers upon layers of rust. 

"This must be Cooney, the mining town!" Nicole announced excitedly, looking back at JC who was now standing atop of the safe.

"Imagine how many people robbed this bank!" He called out to her, jumping up and down lightly on the safe's metal frame. "What do you think they mined for?"

"Silver, or maybe gold," she answered.

"What?" JC asked in mock surprise, jumping down to her from the frame of the safe. "You don't know the answer to something?" He joked sarcastically. 

Nicole rolled her eyes and walked across the clearing. "I think this is the entrance to the mine." 

He followed her across the clearing, and together they investigated various items that both time and people had abandoned years ago. They inspected the entrance to the mine and the large boulder marking James Cooney's tomb. A historical marker told the story of his death and a plaque commemorated the Apache Chief who fought to protect the land: 

This monument celebrates the 100th anniversary of the great Apache chief Victorio's raid on the Cooney mining camp near Mogollon, New Mexico, on April 12, 1880. Victorio strove to protect these mountains from mining and other destructive activities of the white race. The present Gila Wilderness is partly a fruit of his efforts.

"Wow," JC sighed pensively as they read the plaque, "Guess it was never his to take..." Then his attention was drawn to another part of the clearing, where the remnants of a door frame to a building remained standing. "I wonder what this was?" He asked excitedly as he walked through the "door" and began kicking at rocks and tufts of grass, overturning small treasures of what remained from when this was an operational mining camp. 

Nicole sat on a patch of grass, sipping from the water bottle, and watched on as JC excitedly flitted about exploring. He was like a kid on Christmas shaking presents every time he picked up old, rusted pieces of objects and inspected them closely before dropping them and moving on. Nicole looked on, amused. She pulled a packaged peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the backpack, unwrapped it carefully, and took a bite. She offered one to JC, but he refused, too distracted by his exploration and treasure hunt to bother with eating. 

Eventually, he rejoined Nicole at her spot on the grass. He took the water from her and took sips between long exaggerated stretches. "Should we head back?" He asked and then added, "This was actually really fun!" 

Nicole smiled and stood. She stepped up on a small rock, allowing her to meet him at eye level. "Fun's not over. The guy at the general store told me to look for a knee-high cairn behind the mine. Said it marked a 300-yard trail up to a secret surprise." She smiled and held open the backpack, silently requesting that he return the water bottle. 

"That sounds like the start of a horror film." He eyed her skeptically before taking a final drink and returned the water bottle to the backpack. "And what's a Karen?"

"A cairn is a stack of rocks. They mark trails." 

"Oh. Well, good news... I found a stack of rocks over there," he pointed over her head,  past the entrance to the mine.

He took Nicole's hand, again, chivalrously helping her step down from the rock, then turned and led her to the cairn he had found during his earlier investigation. The rocks marked the start of an almost missable trail. They followed the path of tamped down grass, as it led them up another rocky incline to a flatland with more patchy grass. The remnants of the foundation of another old building sat in front of them, and just past that was a small rocky pool of water that extended a short distance to the edge of the clearing and stopped at the edge of a steep drop-off. The faintest sound of flowing water could be heard, and a slight steam rose up from the surface of the water. 

Nicole walked through what would have been the building toward the rocky pool of water, but JC remained stationary. When she noticed he was not following her, she turned and looked back at him questioningly. 

"What is that?" He asked her.

"A hot spring!" she answered excitedly.

"No," he smiled widely and took a few steps toward her but diverted to the right. He knelt down and picked up a rusted metal object with a handle. "What is this?" he asked, popping back upright, and smiling widely. 

"I don't know, Josh. What is it?" She asked, confused. 

He walked the object closer to her and held it up right in front of her nose. "Well, I do believe this is a coffee percolator, much like the one found in the kitchen of Nicole Madison  Bell." With some effort, he pulled it apart and showed her the inside. "You, honey, make coffee like the pioneers!" His eyes squinted and crinkled in the corners as he threw his head back and laughed loudly.  

Nicole watched as he recovered from his laughing spell. 

"You make coffee like they did on the Oregon Trail!" He added and then threw back his head in laughter again. He calmed temporarily, then burst into a third fit of laughter while adding, "Uh-oh, you made your coffee wrong, you died of dysentery!" 

"And you think I'm into some nerdy shit. Look at you with your nerdy-ass, Oregon Trail, dad jokes." She turned and continued to the hot spring. She stepped up onto the rocks bordering the pool, knelt down and touched the warm water. 

"But you got it!" he beamed.

JC followed behind her. The rusted pieces of the percolator still in hand. He watched as she slid the backpack from her shoulders, placed it into the dirt and rested it against the rocks. She bent down and untied her boots, kicked them from her feet, and carefully placed them and her socks on the ground next to the bag. She turned toward him and smiled as she unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her legs, stepping out of them. 

"What are you doing?" JC asked suddenly, looking over his shoulder as if they were being watched. 

"Getting in!" She smiled and pulled her shirt up and over her head. Then folded it neatly and rested it on top of her shorts. She stood up and reached back behind her to unfasten her bra. 

"Naked?" JC asked, wide-eyed. "Not in your bra and panties?"

"I don't want soggy underwear when we hike out of here," she explained, successfully unfastening her bra. 

"Wait!" He walked toward her quickly. "What if someone sees?"

Nicole shrugged and slid her bra down her arms and placed it on the pile of clothes. "No one was on the trail with us." She slid her panties down her legs and stepped out of them. She stood up straight, only a few feet away from JC, eyeing him seductively.

JC allowed his eyes to wander down her body. Her tan lines highlighted her breasts, and he wanted more than anything to touch her. He nervously turned and looked back behind him again, ensuring the coast was clear.  

"You're not going to join me?"  She asked him.

"Not naked. What if people come?"

"She stepped down from the rock and walked toward him, reaching for the waist of his track pants. 

He stepped back quickly, shaking his head. "Nicole, we... I can't do this. Eric would shit!" He watched as her face fell in disappointment. "Nicole, believe me, I want to do this." He looked back behind him again. 

"Josh! No one was even on the trail," she sighed and turned back toward the pool of water. She stepped up on the rocky ledge. "I'm getting in, with or without you," she explained as she took a careful step into the water. She turned to face him again, watching him as she slowly submerged herself below the surface of the water.

He walked to the pool of water and stepped up on to the rocky ledge, looking down through the ring of ripples, waiting for her to resurface. She popped back up, pushing the hair out of her face, and smiled up at him. 

"The water is so warm, you're really missing out," she teased, leaning back, and kicking the water up at him with her feet. 

He looked back behind him again, scanning his surroundings for people, before resting his gaze back on her. She was absolutely gorgeous, utterly naked, and completely wet. Why was he still standing on the ledge? He stepped down. He carefully placed the rusted coffee percolator pieces that he still held in his hands on the rocky ledge of the spring. "Don't want to lose this," he winked at her. He reached his left hand back behind his neck and pulled his shirt up and over his head, pushing it down his arms and allowing it to drop on top of Nicole's clothes and backpack. His shoes and socks were next. He looked around one more time before removing his track pants and boxers. Nicole cat-called him as he stepped back up on the rocks. His face exploded into a goofy smile, and he flexed his arms jokingly before stepping into the water and wading out to join Nicole. 

"It's so warm!" He announced, surprised. 

"Nature's jacuzzi" Nicole responded, from her place across from him, relaxed and reclined in a corner of the spring.

He dunked his head under the water, but resurfaced quickly, flinging his long hair back. He waded up to her and gripped her hips in his hands beneath the surface. "Did you know this was here when you picked this place to hike to?" He asked her, pulling her body closer to his. 

"No." Her cheeks flushed slightly. A regular occurrence when he touched her, even when they weren't submerged in 100-degree water. She shifted awkwardly, trying to maintain her casual facade, but JC knew better. He released his hold on one of her hips and reached up, pinching her chin between his thumb and knuckle of his forefinger. He angled her face up towards his and leaned in, pressing his lips softly to hers. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to melt into him as the kiss intensified. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to her. After a few moments, he ended the kiss, but only pulled away from her lips slightly. 

He smiled at her. "You taste like peanut butter," he explained with a soft chuckle. "I dig it!" 

Slightly embarrassed, Nicole attempted to pull away from him, but he pulled her back toward him. Sliding his hands below the surface of the water, and pulling her legs up, and wrapping them around his waist. "You know what else I dig?" He asked her softly, pressing his forehead downtown to hers. 

"Hmm?" She asked. 

"You." 

"I should hope so, I'm naked and wrapped around you." she laughed, shaking her head. 

"No, no. I do. I dig you. Even when you're not naked and wrapped around me. But I mean, this here is a bonus." He wagged his eyebrows a few times. "And I dig this, you know? I would never do this. Camp, hike, understand the many facets of bighorn sheep shit." He laughed but grew serious again. "Quit my job." He squeezed her hips lightly. "You got me writing songs." 

Nicole averted her gaze and lowered her head. Her pulse raced, and she feared the endless possibilities of what she was capable of doing or saying to ruin this moment. JC could feel her legs loosen around his waist in an effort to move away from him, but he held her legs in place. "Hey," he nudged her cheek with his nose, prompting her to look at him again. "The other night, you told me the more time you spend with me, the more time you want to spend with me." He rubbed his hands back and forth on her legs, beneath the surface of the water. "Remember that?" 

She nodded, trying to hide her embarrassment. Why had she been so forthcoming with her feelings? 

"Well, I'm there too, Nicole.  Every time we're together, you got me doing something new. Look at me. I'm naked in a lake on the side of a mountain," he announced.

"It's a hot spring, not a lake." Nicole smiled shyly.

"Whatever. Point is," he raised his hands above the surface of the water and pushed back the wet hair that clung to her cheeks and forehead, "clearly, I'm very down to see where this goes. Because apparently," he interrupted his sentence to kiss her lips softly, "I'm very willing..." kiss, "to go basically..." kiss, "anywhere with you." He pressed his lips to hers a final time, gently pulling her closer to him, intensifying the kiss. After a beat, he pulled back slightly, their lips still gently touching. He added with a smirk, "Even if it means I'm naked in a hot spring on the side of a mountain." He pulled them away from the side of the spring closer to the center of the small pool and kissed yet her again, quickly. "Even if it means I have to make coffee in the most ridiculous coffee maker," he laughed and turned his head toward the percolator pieces still resting on the rocky edge. 

Nicole rolled her eyes, and splashed water at him. He pulled back instinctually at the splash, and Nicole unwrapped her legs from his waist, splashing at him again and again, laughing loudly. 

"Hey! Hey!" He held up his hands in self-defense. Be careful, we don't want this to get this bad boy all wet and rusty. He swam to the edge of the spring and picked up the small, antiquated appliance. Trying to protect it from her splashing. "This is coming back with us. Yours is all old and lonely and needs company."

"It's not even mine!" She half whispered and stopped her splashing. 

"What?" He asked her, not hearing her initial remark.

"It's not mine. It's Jason's." She shrugged. "He made the coffee, that's what he used. I never even thought to make it differently." 

The levity of the moment suddenly ended, and JC looked at the percolator in his hands and then back to her. He took a breath, then turned and threw the mental pieces as hard as he could, and watched it land in the dirty a few yards away. He turned back to her. "Well, it's not as funny then," he said innocently with a shrug. He swam closer to her and pulled her back against his chest. "I guess..." he leaned down and spoke softly into her left ear, "it's a good thing you met me." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck below her ear. "I'm definitely into more sophisticated coffee, than Jason," he emphasized Jason's name with a sarcastic tone. 

"Sophisticated, huh?" she asked. JC could feel her body shake with her silent laughter.  

"Yeah! I mean, have you used that coffee maker I got you? Fresh coffee and espresso in no time!" He kissed her neck again. 

"I have not." She whispered. 

"No?" he questioned, turning her to face him.

"Guess I'm feeling some kind of way about changing up my coffee game," she smiled with a slight shrug of her shoulders.  

"Well, it's a new day, honey." He leaned his head, facing skyward. "You hear that, Jason!" he shouted suddenly. "It's a new day, and there's a new coffee maker in town!" he added.

A laugh bubbled from deep inside of Nicole. Her body shook, but the laugh was silent. JC looked down at her with a grin. "Too much?" he asked. Nicole smiled wide and shook her head, no. "Did I overstep? Is he going to haunt me in my sleep?"

"I really hope so!" she laughed. 

He leaned down and kissed her again.

 "I just can't get over it!" JC announced again, exasperated as he pulled away from the telescope, opened both eyes wide, and glanced back at Nicole who lay out like a starfish on a blanket, bundled up in two pairs of pants, a ski cap, and a puffer jacket zipped to her nose. JC didn't wait for a reply before turning back to the telescope and squinting into the eyepiece. "You can really see the rings! I mean, Saturn really has rings...that you can see." He announced with excitement. "It's like it's not even real, like it's just painted onto the end of this telescope."

"That's two!" Nicole called out to him, sitting up quickly. "It's starting. Do you think you can tear yourself away from Saturn's rings to watch this meteor shower?"

JC stepped back from the telescope and looked skyward just in time to see a bright pinpoint shoot across the night sky. "Was that one?" He asked excitedly, turning back to Nicole, who was once again laying back on a blanket at the center of the empty observation deck.

"Yeah!" Nicole lifted her arm and inspected her watch. "We're supposed to see most of them between now and midnight." She patted the ground next to her, inviting him to join her.

JC shuffled over to her and sat down, pressing his hip to hers. He reached down and gave her thigh a squeeze, before reclining back, resting his head next to hers. "You look like a marshmallow ninja," he remarked, poking at her puffy jacket. "Or like Ralphie's younger brother in A Christmas Story, when his mom bundles him all up!" JC laughed silently.

"I can't put my arm's down!" Nicole mimicked. "I wish I was bundled like that; it's freezing." She turned to look at him. "Why aren't you cold?" she whined.

"Oh, honey, it's because I'm so hot." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Nicole snorted softly and turned her eyes back skyward. JC slid his arm under her and pulled her toward him. She rested her cheek against his chest, and softly placed her hand on his stomach. The two lay silently watching the small pinpricks of light streaked across the night sky.

It was quite evident that Nicole could watch these random flashes cross the sky all night, but after five or six meteors, JC was very confident he had seen them all. Slightly bored, he placed his hand atop Nicole's and squeezed softly. A smirk danced on his lips, and his chest shook softly with a few silent chuckles. Then JC began to sing slowly in a half whisper, "I don't wanna close my eyes..." Nicole wasn't quite sure what she heard, so she angled her head to better see his face. "I don't wanna fall asleep..." he continued louder. Nicole unsuccessfully worked to fight off a laugh. She sucked her teeth back and moved her hand from under JC's, so that she could playfully slap his chest. "‘Cause I'd miss you, baby," He paused briefly, tilted his head downward to meet her gaze, then clenched his eyes shut and screamed out,  "and I don't want to miss a thaaaaannngg!"

Nicole rolled her eyes, remaining unimpressed. "Armageddon was an asteroid, not a meteor shower." She grumbled, pushed off of him, and then reclined back and stretched out again on the blanket.

JC slid his arm back under her, and pulled her body close to his. "Asteroid, Meteor, Po-tay-toe, Po-tot-oh."

"We're looking at comet dust entering our atmosphere, not a giant space boulder, J-C!" she announced with a mock attitude.

"Comet dust, huh? Like Halley's comet?"

"As a matter of fact, this is dust from precisely that comet."

"Didn't Halley's comet happen in the 80s?"

"The last time we saw it, it was in the eighties," Nicole explained very matter of fact, "but it's in orbit, and we pass through its dust every April and October."

"Huh." JC was impressed. He looked back up skyward, then looked back down at Nicole. "Wanna make out under Halley's comet dust?"

"Duh!" She inched up and pressed her lips to his.

JC reached his free hand up and placed it gently on the side of her face. His fingers moved through her hair and their bodies moved closer together as the kiss deepened. Their tongues danced, and Nicole moaned softly. JC pulled away from her slightly and embarked on a trail of kisses down her chin and across her jaw line. He shifted himself slightly on top of her, and she wrapped both of her arms around him, pulling him down onto her. He recaptured her lips with his own and slid his tongue past her teeth, when suddenly his pocket buzzed, and the vibration startled them both.

Nicole hesitated, their mouths still joined together, and as she whispered against his lips, "Is that a phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Both," he smiled, and then pressed his lips against hers again. Shifting more of his weight onto her and her kissing her more forcefully, the phone buzzed again as it proceeded through a second round of rings.

"Do you..." Kiss. "Need to..." Kiss. "Get that?" Nicole asked.

JC moved Nicole onto her back and slid up her body. "It can go to voicemail," he smiled down at her. He slid his right hand up her body and cupped her breast, squeezing playfully. "I've got my hands full at the moment," he joked and kissed her again.

"You don't have voicemail," she mumbled into the kiss. Raking her hands through his hair.

"They can text me." And as he moved in to kiss her yet again, they were interrupted by a third round of vibrations. "Jesus Christ!" he gasped. Pressing his forehead to hers.

She smiled up at him. "I think we should take this back to the tent anyway. She winked and pecked his lips. "I want to do more than just make out with you under all this comet dust." JC grunted in the affirmative and rolled off of her. Nicole jumped up quickly. "You grab the blanket, and I'll pack this up," she announced, walking quickly toward the telescope.

JC stood slowly and reached down, gathering the blanket. As he waited for Nicole to disassemble the telescope, his phone buzzed again against his hip, this time only briefly, signifying a text message. He reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone. Three missed calls and a text message.

Jen: I miss you.  

 JC plastered on his most charming smile, snaked his arm around Amelia, one of the two US Forest Service Rangers on duty at Gila Cliff Dwelling National Monument, and posed for a picture.

"I was such a huge fan!" She called as he waved and headed toward the car.

He arrived before Nicole returned from the bathroom, happy to save himself the embarrassment of encountering former fans in Nicole's presence. He opened the tailgate and took a seat, waiting for her return. He pulled the bag of Bugles out of the snack bag and munched absentmindedly until Nicole made her appearance from around the corner of the parking lot. She stepped gingerly and adjusted her gait once or twice before arriving to join him at the back of the Jeep. JC popped a few more Bugles in his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh, but it was unsuccessful. Nicole sat down gingerly next to him.

"What she asked," naively, reaching into the bag of Bugles, still in JC's hands.

"Nothing." He answered, trying to turn his face away from her, less she noticed his grin.

"What!?" She was becoming annoyed. 

"Your walk is..." He couldn't complete his thought. His eyes closed tightly, and he threw his head back in laughter.

"Shut up Josh!" She tossed a Bugle at him and watched as it bounced off his cheek.

"C'mon honey! I'm sorry that I am just big, it's hard to manage sometimes." He dodged another Bugle.

"Don't flatter yourself." Nicole rolled her eyes. "You're fine, like really fine, I just wasn't prepared for..." Nicole flashed back to the night before. They left the observation deck after their make out session, and before Nicole could place everything in the back of the Jeep, he was on her. It was passionate, primal, quick, and while different from their slower more sensual norm, it was still hot and amazing. But Nicole was sure her vagina was broken, and there was a Jeep shaped bumper bruise beginning to form on the top of her thighs. "...for ‘let me bend you over and have my way with you, Josh.' I mean, it was hot, I just wasn't prepared."

A pang of guilt struck his chest suddenly. He reached over and placed his hand at the back of her head, combing his fingers into her hair. He pulled her gently over to him and placed a kiss at her temple. "Sorry," he whispered, before releasing her and standing. "Should we head out?" He pulled the car keys from his pocket and dangled them out, shaking them lightly so they jingled together.

Nicole nodded. She gently slid off the back of the Jeep. She rolled the bag of bugles and placed them back into the snack bag. She settled into the passenger seat, reclining the chair back slightly. If JC was going to drive, she was going to allow herself to be comfortable.

"You know what I keep thinking?" JC asked softly, as he led the car down the winding highway towards Silver City and then Las Cruces.

"Hm?" Nicole asked sleepily.

"How the Mogollon got those turkeys up there in those cliff homes. Did you read that? It said they carried turkeys back and forth from up there. It's wild! It wasn't easy for us to go up there, and there are like paved trails and ladders now," JC explained.

"You know what I wonder," She smiled, sitting up straighter in the passenger seat.

"What?"

"If the pictographs are like just angry Mogollon kids, tagging up the school bathrooms? And will the graffiti on the side of the freeway become a tourist attraction hundreds of years from now?"

"No...I'm sure what we saw was like the Mogollon Banksy." JC assured her, reaching over and squeezing her thigh softly, and then leaving his hand there to rest.

Nicole eyed his hand resting on her leg. She noticed how the warmth of his touch seemed to spread through her whole body. The small gesture was so intimate, and the butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach were alive and fluttering again. She remained calm and still, fearing even the smallest movement would cause him to move his hand away, and there was nothing she wanted more than for his stand to stay right there--for him to stay right there. This benign physical connection made real the very dangerous emotional connection she had been fighting to ignore. 

****

"Hey," JC tapped Nicole's shoulder, gently waking her. "Now you're the lousy travel companion!" he joked, when her eyes fluttered open, and she turned to look at him. "We are in Las Cruces, but I don't know where we are staying." He explained.

Nicole opened her phone and scrolled through her email. She tapped the address of the hotel and allowed the GPS on her phone to direct them the rest of the way. JC followed the turn-by-turn directions and pulled Nicole's Jeep into the Comfort Inn and Suites on Avenida de Mesilla. "Classy," JC joked as he put the car in park.

"We're in Las Cruces. This is like their Four Seasons." She smiled at him, "Plus, they have a fridge in the room. You know, for the snacks."

"Resourceful." He winked at her and stepped from the car.

They checked in and hauled their bags and ice chest full of snacks up to their room, which was spacious and far more neatly appointed than JC had anticipated. There were two beds, a sofa, dry bar, and a balcony overlooking the scenery of the adjacent shopping center's parking lot.

"Are you hungry?" JC asked, as Nicole finished transferring food from the ice chest to the refrigerator.

Nicole walked to her purse and rummaged around for her cigarettes. "Yeah." She responded, walking her cigarette out to the balcony. "But I'm going to shower first."

JC followed her to the balcony and removed the cigarette from her hand before she could light it. "We can do that together?"

"No," she smiled and pulled the cigarette from his fingers.

Surprised by her response, he eyed her questioningly.

"Josh, I think you broke my vagina, and a shower with you is never just a shower." She placed the cigarette between her lips.

"Facts," he said, as he stepped closer to her. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on her shoulder. "I can be gentler this time."

Nicole lit her cigarette, took a long drag and blew the smoke away from them. She shuffled across the balcony and leaned against the railing, looking down at the parking lot below. JC sat on a patio chair a few feet away and scrolled through his phone. She turned around and watched him silently, enjoying just looking at him. His mouth had a slight crooked pout, which she never noticed before, and his eyes squinted and relaxed, and then squinted and relaxed, when he was concentrating. She studied his face long enough to finish her cigarette before he noticed her stare. 

"What?" He asked her, smiling bashfully. The light from the phone on his face made him look older, but still sexy as ever.

"You're extremely handsome. I like looking at you."

"There's more to me than just my dashing good looks." JC feigned offense. "I have a brain, you know."

"I'm aware."

"And an amazing penis. Your vagina may never be the same."

"Trust me, I'm well aware."

JC looked down at his phone again. "We have some dinner options, something other than salami sandwiches." He winked at her. "Option one: McDonald's, option two: A Mexican place, or Option number three: a winery that has a restaurant and live music on Monday nights... All three are within walking distance."

"You had me at winery. Food and music are a plus." She smiled. "What kind of music? Did it say?"

"The Las Cruces Jazz and Blues Society meets the second Monday of every month at the Lescombes Winery. Five dollars for nonmembers."

"Five dollars! That's steep. You're paying." She announced, leaving the balcony and heading straight for the bathroom to shower.

While he waited, JC occupied himself with articles of clothing in his duffle bag, sorting out his dirty clothes, dusty with evidence of hiking. He laughed at himself thinking about the last four days which included a biodome, hiking, naked swimming in a hot spring, and the traversing of extremely high cliffs to explore the homes of prehistoric people who were the first to domesticate turkeys. For a man set in his ways, nothing about the last four days was typical. Nothing about Nicole seemed typical. She was a departure from the ordinary, a force that defied predictability. With this thought, his stomach flipped, a sensation he was growing accustomed to when it came to her. He stood and walked to the bathroom. He knocked lightly and cracked the door open.

"Nicole" He called into the foggy room. "I'm sending clothes to be washed, can I pull out yours and send them too."

Nicole poked her head from around the shower curtain. "We can wash clothes at Joel's parents'."

"We can also have them do it here." He informed her, taking a few steps further into the bathroom. He reached for the shower curtain and pulled it back slightly to get a better look at her. "Want some help getting your back?" He asked, wagging his eyebrows.

Nicole pulled the curtain closed quickly. "I'm fully capable of doing it myself, thank you!"

"Just trying to help." JC laughed as he moved to exit the bathroom.

"My dirty clothes are in the top compartment of the backpack." She called after him.

Following directions, JC pulled her clothes from her backpack, bagged them with his, and called down to the front desk. He sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for his turn to shower, when Nicole finally emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a thick white towel.

"Your turn," she said.

JC opened and closed his hand, motioning for her to join him near the bed. She complied and stepped in front of him. He placed his hands on her hips, and she rested her arms on his shoulders, her fingers immediately finding the curls resting at the back of his neck. JC gently slid his hands through the opening of her towel, finding her inner thigh, just above the knee. He slowly slid his hand up her leg. She giggled at the ticklish nature of his touch.

"Just seeing if you shaved your legs." He smiled up at her. "You were getting prickly," he smiled seductively.

"Camping can do that to you." she responded. "You didn't seem to mind."

"Oh, I didn't," he assured her, allowing his hand to continue upward. She shuddered as his hand reached her center, his fingertips further investigating the status of her grooming.

Nicole closed her eyes and tugged on the curls she had wrapped in her fingers. "Josh!" she breathed.

Immediately he removed his hands, stood, and pulled her body up to his. Before he could push her onto the bed, they were interrupted by a series of taps on the room door. "Housekeeping!" a voice called out.

JC exhaled frustrated. "To be continued," he whispered with a wink. He turned and picked up the bag of clothes he left on the writing desk near the TV and carried them to the door. 

****

Like most of Las Cruces, DH Lescombes Winery and Bistro also took up residence in a strip mall, but an actual cooked meal was all JC was after, and the bistro burger really hit the spot. He was quite content with his choice in food, and his present company. The live music was a bonus, even if it was the Jazz and Blues Society's resident Swing Band covering the entirety of Benny Goodman's catalog. JC finished his burger and pushed his plate of fries across the table. Nicole seemed to be enjoying them more than her salad.

"Why did you order a salad?" He asked her, laughing.

"I wanted the mac n cheese," she explained between bites of his French fries, "but bubble guts is real, and I like that you're attracted to me, I want to keep it that way."

"Bubble guts?" He asks, eyes wide.

"Too much cheese, man, it could be dangerous." 

They were seated on the outdoor covered patio. Dozens of strands of twinkling white lights traversed the outdoor space, and they were surrounded by typical southwestern decor. The average age of the crowd was mid-sixties, but a younger couple--early 50s--sat at the table next to them. The two couples exchanged initial pleasantries, but did not engage in further conversation. That didn't stop them from eyeing JC and Nicole most of the evening. After dinner, Nicole, moved her chair to JC's side of the table to better see the band. He loosely wrapped an arm around the back of her chair, and his fingers played matching piano chords on Nicole's shoulder. A few times, she made eye contact with the woman at the table next to them. The woman eyed her with an air of familiarity, but Nicole was sure she had never seen her before.

Nicole leaned into JC, kissed him softly on the cheek and whispered into his ear, "That woman keeps looking at us," she informed him.

JC shrugged, dismissed her comment, and bobbed his head in time with the music.

Nicole looked back at the table next to them, now both the man and woman were looking at her, smiling. She smiled awkwardly, and lowered her gaze, leaning back to JC, and whispering again, "They keep looking."

Before JC could respond, the server brought a bottle of champagne to their table. She placed a bottle chiller on the table and set out two champagne flutes before each of them.

"Did you order this?" Nicole asked JC, confused.

"No," he answered and then turned to the server, "I think you have the wrong table."

"It's from us," the gentleman at the table next to them explained. "My wife and I couldn't help but notice you both." He wrapped his arm around his wife. "We wanted to make sure you were having a good time."

"Oh, we couldn't accept," Nicole protested, trying to wave the server away.

"Our treat, please," the woman explained.

JC placed his arm around Nicole, settling her down, then leaned in the direction of the generous couple.  "Thank you! That's quite kind."

"I'm Janet," the woman reached an elegant arm over, hand stretched out. JC shook her hand. "And this is my husband, Doug."

"I'm Simon," JC explained, "This is my wife Rebecca," He smiled.

Nicole snapped her head at JC, confused. Sensing her irritation, he handed her one of the glasses of champagne. She gulped the bubbling contents quickly, handed the glass back to him, and continued to eye him suspiciously.

"Is this your first time here?" Doug asked. "I don't recall seeing you here before."

"We're regulars" Janet chimed in with a subtle smirk.

"No, it's our first time," JC refilled Nicole's champagne glass and handed it back to her, gently placing his hand on her lap and squeezing lightly. "Rebecca here is a huge fan of Swing."

"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing," she sang out, figuring she'd play along. She immediately regretted her decision and took another drink of the champagne.

"She's been begging me to dance all night, but I'm afraid I have two left feet." He explained, really hamming it up.

"Simon can be a real square sometimes," she whined, trying to play along again, suddenly taking on a transatlantic accent.

JC turned his face away from Janet and Doug, fearful his laughter would break character.

"I'd love to dance with you!" Doug offered suddenly. "Janet hates dancing."

"Oh- oh no, I couldn't possibly steal you away from your wife."

"No stealing," Janet laughed. "Just trading," she winked at Nicole.

"Go, on honey," JC nudged Nicole. "I want you to enjoy yourself, my love." He urged her on, then quickly pulled his own glass of champagne up to his lips to prevent another laugh.

As if on cue, the band grew quiet, and then suddenly the drum line started. Doug, stood up quickly, and rushed to Nicole's side of the table just as the trumpets and the saxophones started. Nicole looked up, horrified. "Sing Sing Sing!" Doug announced and took Nicole by the hand, pulling her up and out onto the dance floor with the three other couples who had been dancing most of the evening. Nicole did her best to channel her free swing dancing lessons from the late nineties, when Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and the movie Swingers made everyone want to dance. Triple step, triple step, rock step, rang like a mantra in her mind, as she allowed Doug to fling her around the floor. Fortunately, he was older, and his pace was reasonable.

JC clapped and urged her on, while Janet shifted her chair closer to him, so that they could watch and commiserate.

"So, Simon," Janet leaned in closer, and placed her hand flirtatiously on JC's shoulder. "How long have you two been part of the group?"

JC shifted uncomfortably, realization creeping in. "Group?" He asked her, wide-eyed,  knowing full well what kind of group she was referring to.

"Swing Town meetup." She clarified. "Rebecca is exceptionally beautiful, and I think the four of us would match well. Look at her and Doug! They are already having a wonderful time."

JC smiled politely. "Of course. Yes. Swing Town." He took a long drink from his glass of champagne. 

"Our place is just a few blocks," Janet explained to him.

"Great! Listen, honey, this is our first time." He lowered his eyes bashfully for effect. "So, let me make sure Rebecca is still willing." He looked up at her, "Because, there is nothing I'd like us to do more than meet up with you, at your place."

He rose from the table and walked to Nicole and Doug just as the song was ending. He tapped Doug on the shoulder, "Excuse me. If I could have a moment with my wife, I think we have some arrangements to make." He winked at Doug and flashed a knowing smile. Doug smiled back and left to rejoin his wife at the table. 

The band began Glen Miller's Moonlight Serenade. Thankful for a slower song, JC took Nicole into his arms and swayed along to the music.

"Jesus Christ, Simon!" She laughed. "It's about time you rescued me. My Lindy Hop is rusty, and Doug was getting a little handsy."

JC leaned down and pressed his forehead to Nicole's. His eyes closed tight, and his body shook as he laughed silently.

"What?" Nicole asked.

"They think we are swingers."

"Good thing I took some swing dancing lessons way back when."

"No, the other kind of swinger. We're at a swingers meet up." Nicole stopped dancing and stared up at him. "They want to take us home." He laughed aloud this time.

"Josh!" She almost yelled, pulling away from him, but he held her close, "I'm not doing that!"

"Neither am I!" He laughed again. He pulled his wallet from his pocket, pulled out a gold credit card, and handed it to her. "You go back to the table and grab your purse. Tell them you are paying the bill, and that I'm going to the bathroom. I'll meet you in the parking lot.

She did as she was told, and before Janet and Doug even realized Simon and Rebecca were gone, Nicole and JC were jogging their way down Avenida de Mesilla, in hysterics, back to the safety of the Comfort Inn and Suites.

***

Nicole was sitting upright in the bed closest to the balcony, scrolling through her phone, trying to map out the next day's itinerary. JC stepped from the bathroom in only a pair of boxer briefs, face washed, teeth freshly brushed, and slid into the bed with her. He rolled onto his side and watched her silently. Satisfied with the next day's plan, Nicole placed the phone on the end table, and snapped off the light. She slid down between the sheets, and immediately JC nuzzled up next to her.

"Thanks for another fun day," he said, sliding one arm underneath her and the other on top of her, resting his head on her chest.

"I think we have you to thank for today." She responded, resting her arm on his back and stroking his hair. "I haven't laughed that hard in... I don't know when. I can't believe they thought we were swingers!" She sighed with a laugh. "Swingers have a look about them. Like middle-aged yacht-rock people.  Do we look like that?" 

"It's just you. I can't take you anywhere." JC mumbled, tiredness setting in.

"What?" she looked down at him in the dark.

"You're just so breathtaking, I have to beat people off with a stick."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." She pressed a small kiss to the top of his head.

"That's the plan." He squeezed her gently.

After a beat, Nicole asked, "Josh..."

"Hmmm?"

"Have you ever...been with more than one person?"

"What?" he asked, raising up and angling his head toward her. He couldn't see her clearly in the dark, but he knew what she was getting at.

"Have you been with more than one person at the same time?"

His heart sank. He knew what she was asking. She wanted to know if he had had sex with multiple people at once, and the answer was yes. There was a period of time when girls would do anything to be with him, and he indulged, but also, he had been with Jen and Nicole at the same time. He cared for both of them, and reluctant to admit it, he knew in his heart he loved them both...at the same time. He was reluctant to answer her, but finally he whispered, "Have you?"

"No. I mean, I don't judge, but I don't think I could do that; sounds like a lot of work," She laughed.

"It is," JC responded, and that was the truth.

 "Do we really need to listen to it again?" JC complained, as the guitar, cello and violin chords hummed through the speakers for the fourth time.

Nicole released one hand from the steering wheel and pressed a finger to JC's lips, attempting to silence him, just in time to dramatically sing the first verse...again. "We don't even talk anymore... We don't even know what we ar-gue about. Don't even say I love you no more... Saying how we feel is no longer allowed." 

JC gave in, "Some people work things out and some just don't know how to chaaaaang."

Together they finished the chorus. "Let's don't wait ‘til the water runs dry. We might watch our whole lives pass us by..."

Nicole drove the loop through White Sands National Park, while Boyz II Men played on its own loop, until she found a series of dunes with no cars parked nearby. She wanted privacy while she reveled in the sea of white sand. The moment she put the car in park, she flew out of the vehicle, kicked off her shoes, and went charging up the nearest sand dune, screaming like a giddy child on Christmas morning. JC stood at the bottom of the mountain of sand, shielding his eyes from the bright sun reflecting off the vast rolling hills of gypsum, and smiled at her excitement. He moved to join her at the top, but before he trekked up the dune, a round, red disk, half buried in sand, caught his attention. He walked over to it, kicked at the sand covering it before he realized it was a sled. 

His eyes widened. "Oh, it's on!" he said aloud to no one. He reached down, pulled the sled from the sand, and made the vertical trek up to Nicole.

Once at the top, he found Nicole sprawled out on her back, waving her arms and legs forming sand angels. She rolled away to inspect her creation before creating another, and another in between fits of giddy laughter.

"I don't think I have ever seen you this happy." He smiled down at her. 

"When the Boyz II Men video came out, it was like a big deal because it was so pretty. White Sands became a place fifteen-year-old me needed to go. And here I am. I didn't let myself down!" she beamed. "It's weird how the simplest stuff is, like, also the most significant."

"If you can't keep promises to yourself, no one else will?"

"What's that?" She asked, pointing to the red disk in JC's hand.

He held the plastic disk in front of him. "It's a sled!" 

Nicole popped up from the ground, dusting sand out of her hair, and off of her bottom and bare legs. "How do you sled?" She asked excitedly. "Just sit and scoot, huh?"

"Mostly. How have you never been sledding? Aren't you all about this outdoorsy shit?"

"Long Beach doesn't get snow, friend."

"Let an expert show you how it's done." JC placed the sled at the edge of the dune. He sat himself right in the center of it, and then motioned Nicole to join him. "Honey, come sit in my lap, and wrap your legs around me."

"Are you being for real or a perv?"

"A little bit of this...a little bit of that?" he wagged his eyebrows at her.

Nicole walked a step down the hill, below JC and the sled, turned and squatted down. She sat down on his lap, facing him. He squeezed her bottom, and then slid his hands down her legs, prompting her to wrap them around his waist. 

"This doesn't feel right," She smiled. 

JC thrust his hips lightly, "Mmm, I think it feels great," he growled in her ear. 

Nicole leaned back slightly and slapped at his chest. JC Responded by kissing her neck, then chin, and finally her lips. 

"Ready?" he asked. 

Nicole nodded. And JC held onto the edge of the sled. He scooted as best he could, and the sled began to teeter. He scooted again, and the pair began to slide, but only for a moment before gravity took over. They were top-heavy and just as soon as they started, they flipped and toppled over each other. They were a tangle of arms and legs, and they rolled halfway down the sand dune. When they finally came to a stop, Nicole untangled herself from JC, rolled onto her back and proceeded to simultaneously spit sand from her mouth and laugh hysterically. JC awkwardly managed to get to his feet. He, too, was dusting sand from his face, mouth, and ears. 

She looked up at him from her back, "I don't think that's how you do it!"

JC picked up the sled and went charging up the hill. He placed it down at the top, sat at the center, scooted one, two, three times, and then went barreling down the hill with a loud whoop! His sled spun at the bottom of the slope, and he looked back up at her. "See, I do know what I am doing!" He picked up the sled and walked it back up to her. "C'mon. Let's go, I'll push you so you can slide down." He reached down and pulled her up by her wrist. He pushed her ahead of him as they climbed back up the dune. Once at the top, he placed the sled down, held it in place and prompted her to sit at the center. "Hold your legs up and lean back." He instructed, then let go of the sled. Slowly at first the disk worked its way down the hill, eventually picking up speed, and ultimately launching her onto the asphalt of the paved car park.

Nicole got to her feet. She picked up the sled and walked it back to the sand and up the dune. She met JC at the top and placed it at his feet. "Sledding isn't as fun as I hoped." She informed him, then turned away and immediately began running around the top of the dune, kicking up sand and skipping around. 

JC sat quietly in the center of the sled, just watching Nicole run around. He pulled his phone from his pocket, and silently snapped a few pictures. He swiped to see the fruit of his labor and smiled softly at the three images: one of her running, her hair billowing out behind her. A second snapshot of her profile, throwing sand into the air. And a final picture of her facing him, bent over slightly, hands clasped, hair flying about, and a large grin spread across her face. 

Nicole quietly shuffled through the sand and stood behind him. Inspecting his phone over his shoulder. "Creeper! You're taking pictures without my consent!" Nicole chided, startling him from his quiet observation. 

He jumped slightly, and turned his head to look at her, standing above him. He smiled, "I like this one, best," he held the phone up to her.

"I have the dopiest smile!" she complained. "Erase it." 

"Nope!" he pulled the phone away from her and held it safely with both hands. "I think you look beautiful."

Nicole tried with all of her might to stay cool, calm, and collected, but the blush creeping onto her cheeks gave her away. 

JC reached a hand up and wrapped his fingers around her wrist, he pulled at her gently, "Come here! We need one together." 

He gently tugged at her, urging her to sit with him, scooting back slightly on the sled, and guiding her to sit in front of him, between his legs. He used his feet to stabilize the sled and prevent them from sliding down. She complied and sat in front of him. She pulled her knees up toward her chest, and he wrapped his left arm around her, resting his hand on her knee. She leaned back against his chest and JC placed his chin near her ear. He reached his right hand out with his phone and snapped a few pictures. He flipped the phone around, so they could inspect his work. 

"You're beautiful, and I'm a mess!" He spoke softly into her ear. "I need to get my hat out of my bag." 

"Josh," she turned her head to see him better. "I..." her pulse quickened suddenly. She worried he might feel her heart hammering as she leaned against him. Her chest tightened, and she suddenly grew very warm.

He leaned back and eyed her curiously, "You what?" he asked, then shifted slightly to return his phone to his pocket.

"I..." But she couldn't form the words. All she could think about was the weight of his hand, still resting on her knee, and the prickle of his newly sprouting beard brushing against her cheek as he moved his head, and his intoxicating smell, warm and woody. "...think... I think that I, erm. I think that we should probably get going...to our next stop."

"Madrid!" JC asked excitedly. 

Suddenly, Nicole regained her composure. She released a breath and shook her head lightly. "It's MAD-rid," she corrected him absently, as she made a motion to stand.

JC held her in place. "Well, what are we waiting for?" He squeezed Nicole gently with his legs and gripped the sides of the sled. "Hang on!" he announced, and scooted the sled slightly, then they quickly descended the side of the sandy slope.

 After five hours of driving and a pit stop at El Modelo in Albuquerque for the best carne adovada burritos in existence, JC rolled Nicole's Jeep to a stop in the gravel parking area of Java Junction, a craftsman-shaped two-story building that had been adorned with all things Cracker Barrel. Wagon wheels dotted the weathered picket fence that ran along the property, mining tools and metal horseshoes, and hay bales adorned the walls and patio area of the building. Nicole and JC looked on at the eclectic decor as they slowly ambled their way into the coffee shop.

They were greeted pleasantly by a gentleman in his mid-thirties, dressed in yellow corduroy pants frayed at the bottom hem, and a gray skateboard shirt. His long hair was parted down the middle and hung down thick and stick-straight to his shoulders, framing his brown face. His masculine build and the strength of his arms contradicted the youthful freshness of his face.

"You must be Nicole!" He announced. She smiled and nodded in the affirmative. JC looked between the two of them, surprised at how familiar she seemed to be with this stranger.

"Your accommodations are this way," he smiled, stepping from behind the counter of baked goods. "I am Sergio."

"I'm JC," he stretched out his hand to shake Sergio's, and then the three proceeded to the back of the coffee shop/house and out the back door.

Across the large backyard space stood three large canvas yurts, surrounding a large fire pit. Just beyond the yurts sat a small air stream trailer. Sergio led them to the center yurt, but JC stopped before he even reached the fire pit and laughed out loud. Nicole and Sergio stopped and turned to eye JC.

"A Yurt!" JC announced and laughed again.

Sergio smiled, understanding that JC had no part in planning this two-night stay. "I assure you they are well-appointed. Heat, electricity, everything!" He used the key to open the wooden door, allowing JC and Nicole to enter. The yurt was large, with lattice walls and a pitched roof covered in thick canvas. A full-sized bed rested on one side of the rounded floor plan, a potbelly stove was placed across from the door, and a small couch, chair, and coffee table comprised a seating area in the remaining space. Colorful prayer flags and large white Christmas lights were strung back and forth across the space, serving as the only electrical source of light. The materials used on the bed and couches were all shabby chic and just as colorful as the prayer flags, and macramé ornaments hung along the rounded walls. It was a high-class hippy paradise.

"So, here is your key," he handed the key to Nicole. "Your stay here includes breakfast in the coffee shop each morning. We open at seven. The back door will remain open, as that is where the bathroom is. It's shared," he added, looking at JC nervously. "We are at the center of the main drag, so everything is a quarter-mile walk in either direction. Lots of galleries. The diner down to the right is great, and the Mine Shaft to the left is our resident bar. Their food is great, and they shot that TV show, Longmire, there."

"Wait!" Nicole interrupted him excitedly.

"Fan of Longmire?" Sergio asked.

"No, never heard of it, but you guys have a bar called the Mine Shaft?"

"Yeah," Sergio laughed awkwardly. "This was a mining town way back when. We're trying to stay on brand."

Nicole turned to JC, "Well, shit, I know where we are going to spend our time. We have to go there and FaceTime Dan!"

"I thought he bartended at the Brit?" JC asked.

"He's at both...same owners," Nicole noticed Sergio's confused expression. "One of our favorite bars back home is called The Mine Shaft, it's just funny," she explained.

"It's a gay bar," JC added randomly.

Sergio's eyes widened slightly. "Oh," he mumbled. "Well, our Mine Shaft is LGBT Friendly," and then added with pride, "There's actually a drag show happening in the bar theater later this week."

Nicole turned toward JC, eyes wide.

Sergio laughed, but stiffened suddenly as he glanced at the bed. "You know what? I can move you to the one next door." He turned and smiled at them pleasantly. "I thought you were a couple," he mumbled softly, and then added, "The yurt next door has two beds," he explained, trying to be helpful.

"Oh. N-no!" Nicole stuttered. "We are. I mean, we aren't." She stumbled over her words, not sure what they were, really, which set off a whole new spiral of thoughts. "I mean...it's just that..."

JC took a step closer to her, sliding his arm around her waist, squeezing her hip possessively. "What she means is, neither of us is gay, and one bed is perfect."

Sergio smiled. "I'm sorry. I will remove my foot from my mouth now and do something more useful, like chop that wood out there for your fireplace." He nodded at them both, turned, and moved to exit the yurt. "If you need anything, I'm in the air stream. And my number is on the cover of the guestbook." He stepped out the door. "Have a nice stay," he called back before exiting.

JC turned Nicole to face him. He gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and said softly, "Let's get our stuff. I'm dying to take a shower. Get some of this White Sands out of my ass!"

"That's hot," Nicole joked, and then followed him out of their yurt and to the car.

After two trips, all of their things were neatly stashed in their yurt-away-from-home. JC had pulled a change of clothing from his bag, grabbed a towel from the stack placed neatly on the bed, and headed back into the coffee shop to shower. Nicole was beginning to grow accustomed to JC's presence. It was becoming comfortable, especially his touch. It seemed like he was always touching her: a handhold, an elbow resting next to hers on the armrest of the center console in the car, a hand placed softly on the small of her back or resting across her abdomen as they slept. His presence was becoming oddly comforting, and the desire to be with him more was increasing. She liked being with him, but this brief time apart while he showered offered her a small window of time when she could smoke unbothered and unjudged, and she was going to enjoy it. She pulled her pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her purse and headed outside.

She walked a few feet back toward the coffee shop and did a lap around the fire pit in the center of the large open space that comprised the backyard. She spotted Sergio, an axe wielded high over his head, and she watched him slam it down onto a chunk of log, splitting it in two. She paused to watch him split two more before interrupting his rhythm.

"So, what's the rule about smoking here?" she asked him before he raised the axe up again.

"You can smoke anything and everything, so long as it's outside," he smiled.

"Progressive," she remarked before placing her cigarette between her lips and lighting the end. She took a deep drag. "Just tobacco, today," she added as she blew the smoke in the opposite direction.

"Well, let me know if you're interested in something a little less boring," he winked, then slammed the axe down on a new chunk of wood.

Nicole took a long drag of the cigarette, "tell me more," she said as she breathed out the smoke.

Sergio didn't reply; he continued splitting wood, working up a stereotypically masculine sweat as Nicole watched on.

JC's shower was quick but refreshing. The communal coffee house bathroom was small. He barely fit in the narrow shower stall, but it did the trick. He changed into his uniform of monochromatic blacks, his only pop of color a pair of rainbow-checked slip-on sneakers. He dragged a comb through his shoulder-length hair, eyeing the beard that was beginning to grow thick on his face. He thought about shaving, but Nicole seemed to like the scruff. Satisfied, he gathered his toiletries and clothes, which were stacked in a neat pile on the sink counter, and headed back to the yurt. He laughed to himself, thinking about how only she would purposefully have them stay in a yurt in the middle of the Ortiz Mountains. She was so different from anyone he had ever been with, and with that thought, the familiar rush pulsed through his chest, and he felt a flush on his skin.

JC only managed a few steps out of the coffee shop and into the back before he made a quick halt of his progress. Before he could step off the porch area and down into the yard, he spotted the two of them. Nicole sat on a weathered deck chair near the fire pit, and Sergio, too close for JC's comfort, was standing over her. The two were smoking, chatting, and smiling. JC watched as Nicole looked up at Sergio, with a large smile, a smile he was used to bringing out of her himself. His chest tightened suddenly as he watched the two interact before making his presence known. He took a quick breath, and feeling a moment of rationality, continued his progress towards them.

Nicole spotted him, quickly flicked her cigarette into the fire pit and stood. Sergio took a few steps back, taking a final drag from the cigarette before doing the same.

"How was the shower?" She asked. "Get all the sand out?"

JC sidled up to Nicole and placed his free arm around her shoulders, carefully balancing his belongings in his other arm. His jaw was set, and he eyed Sergio. "I think so," he said. He turned his gaze down to Nicole, who had wrapped her arm around him and gently rubbed his back. "You want to freshen up, so we can eat?" he asked. "I'm starving!"

"Let's do it!" she said excitedly.

She pulled JC's arm from around her shoulder, gripped his hand in hers, and led him to the door of their yurt. Before shutting the door behind them, JC shot one last glare at Sergio, who smiled back innocently.

****

Madrid's Mine Shaft tavern put Long Beach's Mine Shaft to shame. The place was three times as large, with a bar, restaurant, attached museum, outdoor space, and a theater room. All of which was appropriately decorated in the very best mine town wild west chic. JC and Nicole sat at a mostly empty wood-paneled bar counter. A line of shelves holding hundreds of dusty bottles of liquor ran the length of the bar in front of them, and the walls above the bar were decorated with almost cartoonish mining scenes. Nicole leaned back, trying to take it all in. JC placed his hand softly on her bare leg, high on her thigh, just below the hem of her jean shorts. The pad of his thumb drew gentle circles on her skin while he evaluated the menu.

"We have to FaceTime Dan!" Nicole announced excitedly. She reached into her purse to retrieve her phone and made the call.

Dan answered on the third ring, and as his face came into view, Nicole could see a giant Union Jack behind him. He was already at work at the Brit. "Hey Darlin'!" He smiled into the camera.

"Dan! Guess where we are."

"Forget where, who is WE?"

Nicole leaned closer to JC, who pulled her from the chair, and moved her back to him, resting his chin on her shoulder so they were both in frame.

"Me and Josh," she answered, smiling as she felt his hands slide around her waist, his pinky finger making just the slightest bit of contact with her skin under her shirt.

"Hey Dan." JC added casually.

"Well, hon, this feels big. Where in New Mexico are you two love birds?"

"At the Mine Shaft!" Nicole beamed. She turned the phone around, allowing Dan to observe the decor.

"In MAD-rid," JC added.

Nicole turned the phone back to face them. "They have a Mine Shaft bar, that is like just a bigger, better version of ours!"

"I wonder if they have a bigger, better supply closet, behind the bar too," Dan winked at the camera.

"Dan!" Nicole scolded, but couldn't hide the blush forming on her cheeks.

"Take Josh around back, give it a spin, tell me who does it better: MAD-rid or Long Beach." Nicole rolled her eyes. "Hon, we got folks, I gotta go, but when you get back, we have a lot to talk about." Dan blew two kisses into the camera before ending the call.

Nicole spun slightly out of JC's hold on her, and sat back in her seat. His hand immediately found her leg and rested it there once again, as the bartender arrived to take their order. JC ordered beer for the both of them and requested another minute to decide on food. He placed the food menu between the two of them so they could peruse together.

"So, what's the story with the supply closet?" He asked softly.

"What?" she asked absentmindedly.

"The secret supply closet behind the bar that we need to compare."

Nicole shifted uncomfortably and changed the subject. "What are you going to eat? I'm thinking the hot chicken sandwich."

JC laughed. "Changing the subject, oh now you gotta tell me!"

Nicole took a breath, but was saved. The bartender arrived with their beers, and Nicole listed off her food order. JC followed with his, but no sooner did the bartender leave, then JC pressed on. "So, supply closet."

"Oh god. Dan and I used to hook up in the supply closet behind the bar at the Mine Shaft."

JC smiled devilishly, poked her side, and joked, "Dirty girl!" before taking a long pull of his drink.

Nicole relaxed and took a quick drink of her beer as well.

Before JC took another sip, a sudden thought shook him. He placed the beer back on the counter and turned back to face Nicole. "Wait. You hooked up with each other?"

Nicole tensed at his question. "Well, I mean, yeah. But like a long time ago." JC's eyes widened, and his mouth hung slightly open. Nervously, Nicole added, "I mean, it was nothing, just, you know, friends hooking up."

"Isn't he gay?" JC finally managed to eke out.

"Bi. I think he likes guys more, but I mean, I was not looking for anything, he was rebounding, it was like, a thing we did."

JC removed his hand from Nicole's thigh and rested both elbows on the bar top, resting his chin in his hands. "In the supply closet of the Mine Shaft?"

"I mean, desperate times..." Nicole failed to finish her thought. "C'mon... Popstar. Like you never hooked up with a rando in a bathroom or something."

"Not a bathroom, no. And not, like, repeatedly."

"I didn't have the luxury of a new booty call in a new city each night," she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. JC was far more bothered by this than she felt he needed to be. "Are you really upset about this?"

JC kept his head down. He waited a beat before he finally replied. "No, it's just surprising. I know him. I mean, he and I are cool. I didn't know you had a history deeper than him trying to teach you how to play chess. Oh God, is chess like a euphemism? Is there anyone else I know that you've slept with?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Matt? Joel?" He pressed on.

Nicole stood abruptly. "You're crossing a serious line here," she reached into her purse and pulled her pack of cigarettes out and grabbed her beer off of the counter. "So I'm going to smoke a cigarette outside before you make it worse."

JC knew he was being ridiculous. It was as if he had lost control of his mouth, and he knew better. He didn't try to stop her when she turned and left. A very rational part of him knew it was fine; she wasn't leaving, she wasn't going to hop into her Jeep and abandon him in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico. He sipped his beer silently, trying to stay grounded in this very rational line of thinking; however, her departure seemed to initiate a dull ache in his chest and a panicky spiral of thoughts he was internally at war with, working hard to keep at bay. She should leave him in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico. He was sabotaging this very real and very good thing he had with her, and he wouldn't expect anything less of himself. That's what he did, right? He ruins everything, pushes everyone away, so that he could exist in the way he deserves: alone.

"Another round?" the waiter snapped him back to the real world. "Your food will be out in a few minutes."

"Uh, I'm good for right now," JC answered absently.

JC turned around and looked at the door, silently hoping it would swing open at any moment and her smiling face would appear. He decided to go after her. He owed her an apology, and he had given her some space. The food would arrive soon, and that felt like a perfect excuse to warrant his presence in her moment of solitude. He rose from the bar and walked hesitantly to the door, but before he got there, it swung open and Sergio stepped into the doorway. His strong, tanned arm held the door open, allowing a laughing and smiling Nicole to squeeze through between him and the door frame. JC watched as her arm grazed Sergio's chest, which triggered the feeling of a stinging knife of jealousy in his own chest, which he physically felt turn as Nicole's laughter stopped, and her smile faded when she caught sight of JC standing there.

"Josh?" she announced, startled. "Were you leaving?" she asked him when he didn't answer.

"Yeah. No, I was going to come get you," he replied, looking down at his feet. He raised his eyes up. "Food's coming," he explained, motioning his thumb in the direction of their seats at the bar.

"Oh." And like magic, the smile reappeared on her face. She took a step closer to JC, slid an arm around him, and pressed her small frame against him. Expecting a colder response, JC circled his arms around her as she nuzzled into his embrace. "You want to join us?" She asked Sergio.

JC rested a hand on her hip, squeezed gently, and took in a deep breath filled with her scent.

"I will. Just gotta help Monica, the owner, set up for the open mic," Sergio turned sharply and headed toward the back.

JC led Nicole to their table and looked around at the mostly empty bar. "Doesn't seem like there are enough people in this place, hell, even in this town for an open mic."

Nicole shrugged and immediately tucked into the plate of piled-high fries.

After busying himself with a speaker and a set of stage lights, Sergio eased into the seat next to Nicole at the bar. He waved down the bartender and ordered a beer. He took a long slug, and then turned to them. "So, what do you think of Madrid?" he asked with a sarcastic smile.

"It's beautiful!" Nicole gushed. "The mountains are gorgeous. I am definitely enchanted by the land of enchantment."

Sergio sipped his beer again. "JC, are you just as enchanted?"

"He's a city guy," Nicole answered for him, slapping his arm lightly. "Just dragging him along to see the sights."

"I wouldn't call it dragging," JC defended. Nicole shifted awkwardly. "I mean, you're along for the ride. Like, you know, backpacking and hiking aren't your thing." She fumbled over her words, realizing she was digging herself into a hole.

"I don't traipse around in nature, but I can hike. I have legs," JC's frustration began to flare.

"No, I mean..." Nicole tried to recover, but was interrupted.

"Are you hiking around here?" Sergio asked quickly, trying to snuff the building disagreement.

JC, trying to establish dominance, said, "That's the plan, right?" He looked down at Nicole sternly. "Any recommendations, Sergio?"

"I can point you to a few. What are you interested in? Peaks? Flat?" Nicole rattled off trail names and Sergio shared his thoughts on each. They continued like that, leaving JC out of the conversion. 

"What do you think?" Nicole asked, finally including JC in the decision-making.

"Hmm?" JC responded absently.

"Picacho Peak, or plane crash trail," Sergio clarified.

"Death or gorgeous views?" Nicole added morosely.

"He wakes up to a gorgeous view every morning," Sergio raised his eyebrows, smirked, and tilted his head toward Nicole, who blushed in response.

The tension hung in the air, woven intricately into the fabric of his unspoken emotions. JC's jealousy simmered beneath his attempts at control, a volatile mix of insecurity and possessiveness that threatened to engulf him. Sergio's charming smile and the air of flirtatious confidence around him. Of course, Nicole would be drawn in. JC slid a hand over her thigh and gripped lightly, an instinctive response to the threat he perceived.

"I'm a lucky man," he responded, eyeing Sergio.

"Josh," Nicole whispered, "What's going on?" She placed her hand atop his, still resting on her thigh.

Sergio, ever perceptive, picked up on the underlying tension in the air, yet he remained disarmingly casual, his easy smile never faltering. Sensing the need to diffuse the mounting unease, he changed the topic.

"Ah, Picacho Peak it is, then," Sergio declared, smoothly redirecting the conversation back to their hiking plans. "A bit challenging, but the views are absolutely worth it. You think you are enchanted by New Mexico now, just wait."

Nicole, appreciating Sergio's attempt to steer the conversation away from the brewing conflict, chimed in, "I can't wait. It sounds amazing. Plus, JC, I think a bit of nature therapy will do you well, don't you think?" She nudged JC playfully, attempting to lighten the mood.

JC, feeling the weight of his jealousy, tried to ease his tension by offering a half-smile. "Yeah, nature therapy sounds great," he said, though his eyes still carried a flicker of insecurity.

Sergio, ever the peacekeeper, raised his bottle in a silent toast. "To nature," he proposed, his eyes meeting JC's in a subtle challenge. JC, recognizing Sergio's attempt at bridging the gap, reciprocated the gesture, albeit cautiously. As the night progressed, however, JC eased up. He became less tense. Sergio wasn't too bad. And when they discovered they both had a passion for music, Sergio had a 100% approval rating. Now it was Nicole's turn to be left out. 

"Miles Davis was a pioneer," Sergio explained, his eyes lit up with enthusiasm. "His album 'Kind of Blue' is a masterpiece, an exploration of modal jazz that's timeless."

"But there's nothing like Coltrane's improvisations. And, 'A Love Supreme,' it's like a spiritual journey captured in music, every note resonates." JC's smile returned.

Nicole sat between them, tracking back and forth like she was watching a tennis match.

JC continued, "And Duke Ellington," he added, "his compositions are like paintings in sound. It's so good you can almost see the music. 

"I mean, listen on enough mushrooms, and you can see his music and his soul." Sergio laughed.

"Mushrooms?" Nicole interjected. "Is this the ‘less boring' you were speaking of earlier?"

"I live in nature, baby!" Sergio smiled.

"So, back to the yurt, then?" Nicole looked between the two men.

"You want to do mushrooms?" JC asked, clarifying he understood.

Nicole turned to Sergio.

"I can supply them."

She slid from the chair and grabbed both men by the wrist. "Let's go."

 The night came alive with the whispers of the mountain-desert breeze weaving through the air. JC sat on a deck chair just outside their yurt, drawn to the warmth of the fire crackling at the center of the expansive, open yard behind the coffee shop. Nicole perched on the arm of JC's chair, absentmindedly twirling her fingers through the tangle of curls at the back of JC's neck. On the other side of the fire pit, Sergio sat barefoot and shirtless on the ground, his legs crossed, knees drawn up to his chest, and arms wrapped around himself.

Before them, a vibrant fire flickered in the pit, its dancing flames casting ethereal shadows on their faces. The scent of burning cedar hung thick in the air. Mesmerized by the undulating movements of the fire, JC whispered, "I think... I think the fire is breathing at me," turning to Nicole for confirmation.

"Fires need oxygen too," Sergio called from across the way.

Nicole slid down off the arm of the chair and settled in the dirt between JC's legs, tilting her head back to rest on his lap. Her eyes were fixed on the night sky above. "Look at the stars," she exclaimed, her voice filled with wonder. "They're like storytellers. There's a whole book up there."

"You and stars" JC snickered. 

"Tell us a story, then," Sergio urged, his tone soft with anticipation.

Nicole pointed to the constellation Ursa Major, tracing the imaginary lines between the stars with her finger. "See that? That's the Great Bear."

In an instant, a bear came to life in the sky, and JC gasped. "I see it. Nicole, why are you conjuring bears?"

"Zeus transformed Callisto, a beautiful nymph, into that bear to protect her from his jealous wife, Hera. Eventually, Callisto was placed in the sky, forming Ursa Major, forever chased by Ursa Minor, the Little Bear, which is the constellation right there," she said, pointing to another cluster of stars.

JC listened, his senses heightened by the mushrooms. The stars above seemed to pulse with life, echoing Nicole's words in a silent cosmic language. The fire crackled, its warmth seeping into his bones. He glanced down at Nicole, her eyes alight with the celestial tale she was spinning. 

"So many stars and bears on this trip... in this world!" he marveled, still looking down at Nicole, whose face was still tilted toward the sky.

"Isn't it amazing?" she mused, "how the stars tell the stories of the bears, and the lions, and the tigers." She laughed, blowing a kiss up at JC, "Oh my!" she added.

JC's eyes crinkled as he smiled, his mind swimming in a kaleidoscope of thoughts and visions.

"The universe has countless stories. My grandfather used to tell us about the tale of the Star Maiden," Sergio began, his voice weaving the second-hand narrative. "Long ago, a young Navajo warrior met a beautiful maiden descending from the stars. They fell in love-" He paused and looked at Nicole and JC, who were rapt with attention. "-but their union was forbidden. She couldn't be part of his world, and he couldn't be part of hers. But she tried. She even turned herself into a flower, so she could stay on the banks of his river, by his side, but as a flower, she couldn't be with the warrior. It just couldn't last. So, the warrior built a bridge between the earth world and the sky world, allowing the Star Maiden to return to the sky where she could be herself, but he longed for her. To this day, their love story is written in the constellations above."

A sudden sadness settled on JC's chest. "But it's a bridge," he whined, looking up at the sky, seeing the bridge light up in the connect-the-dot stars. "Why couldn't he go see her? Bridges work both ways."

Sergio shrugged. "I don't pretend to understand love. I live alone on the turquoise trail," he laughed.

JC glanced at Nicole, her eyes still alight with the story in the stars. "The universe has so many lives. We are just tiny specks down here."

JC nodded vigorously.

Sergio laughed. "So," he continued, "what's your story? How did you two meet?"

Nicole glanced at JC, a hesitant smile playing on her lips. "We met about six months ago. He got me out of a jam," she said, her words soft.

"I built a bridge and got you out of there and to me," JC laughed heartily.

Sergio raised an eyebrow, surprise flickering in his eyes. "Six months? It feels like you've known each other forever. This must be serious" he mused, his words loaded with unspoken curiosity.

Nicole sat up straight, no longer reclining against JC's legs, her eyes downcast, and her fingers tracing invisible patterns on her lap. JC pulled her back toward him and pressed his lips to the top of her head. "We're just figuring things out," Nicole said, her voice barely audible.

"Sometimes, the universe brings together two souls that have been wandering alone for too long. You two are like constellations that have finally found each other in the night sky among the millions of stars"

Nicole stood suddenly. The conversation had grown too serious, and the effects of the mushrooms were wearing off. "Big day tomorrow," she said, turning to JC and holding out her hand, offering to help him stand, before turning back to Sergio. "So, Picacho Peak in the morning?"

Sergio nodded. 

"Good night." She said. 

Nicole turned and headed toward the yurt, JC in tow. She closed and locked the door behind her, took a deep breath, and turned to make her way to the bed, JC still standing close behind her, impeding her progress. He reached for her and grabbed her with both hands just above the elbows.

"I don't know," he started to speak, then released his grip on her. "I don't want..." He slid his left hand across her cheek and laced his fingers into her hair at the nape of her neck. "I know that I'm not building bridges to send you back to wherever." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, not breaking the kiss as he walked her toward the bed.

 A bright, piercing stream of sunlight sliced through the yurt's skylight and struck JC's face as he lay in bed. Eyes still closed, he rolled over, extending his arm, hoping to feel Nicole next to him, but her side of the bed was empty.

"Nicole," he yawned in irritation, pushing his face into the pillow.

"How are you feeling?" Nicole responded from across the room.

JC opened his eyes, and scanned the room, following her voice. Nicole was naked, sliding on a pair of underwear.

"No!" JC hissed at her. "Don't get dressed. Stay here."

"We have Picacho Peak waiting for us."

"Oh honey, I can think of some other peaks I can take you to," JC smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

Nicole rolled her eyes and pulled on a pair of pants. "I've already been to that peak. Old news."

"Ouch." JC brought his hands to his chest as if he had been wounded in the heart.

Nicole pulled on a shirt and walked to the bed. She sat on the edge next to JC and kissed his lips. "It's one of my favorite peaks."

JC pulled the sheet and blankets back quickly, giving Nicole a glimpse of his readiness. "We can go to that peak right now."

Nicole reached her hand out and gripped him softly. JC's breath caught slightly in his throat. She slid her hand down and back up gently. His hips thrust instinctually. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his and kissed him, and mumbled, "Picacho Peak first, and Josh Peak second." She pulled her hand away and stood quickly.

JC groaned. "I'm thinking that I really only have it in me for one peak today, so I'm going to save myself for Josh Peak."

Nicole looked down at him, disappointed. "Are you for real?"

"City slicker," he pointed at himself. "Remember?" Nicole's silence worried him. "Nicole, is it okay if I don't go?" he asked sincerely. 

Nicole struggled to understand her own gut-reaction to this news. Was she disappointed that he didn't want to hike? Or that he wasn't having fun? Or was it that after five days together, a day apart feels so lonely? Or worst of all, does he need a day away from her?

"I can go. I can. Fuck, I want to do basically anything and everything with you. But my head sorta hurts, and this horizontal position on this weirdly comfortable bed in this bizarre yurt just feels really great at this precise moment. It would feel even greater if you were here," He waved his hand out in front of him, outlining the place he wished her body would occupy curled up with him on the bed, "but I know this is your trip. You want to hike and see it all. And I want to do it all, and be happy."

Nicole released a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"To be honest, though," JC added, "I only wanted to go because Sergio was being all good-looking. I didn't want you to forget about me," he hung his head and smiled shyly at her.

Nicole laughed. "You are not serious."

"No, well maybe I am. I was about to clobber him yesterday. He was flirting with you."

"He was not."

"Have you seen you? Yes, he was."

Nicole blushed, then looked at him sternly, "You don't trust me?"

"It's him I don't trust. Good-looking guys trying to take other guys' girls to a peak. It's just wrong. Haven't you heard of Bro code?"

"I don't think that is Bro Code," JC shrugged. "What changed?" She asked. "You were possessive and showing toxic masculinity last night, and now you aren't?"

"I don't know. Last night I took you to Josh Peak, and I mean, whatever peak Sergio thinks he can take you to, I know just won't be as good," he explained, cocky as ever. 

"You've lost it," Nicole picked up her day pack and rummaged through it, ensuring she had all of her necessary belongings, then slipped on her boots.

"I hope you two have fun," JC yawned and collapsed back into the bed. "Take pictures."

Nicole walked to the door, but before stepping out, she turned back. "I think I'm going to miss you."

JC smiled a satisfied smile.

*******

After another two and a half hours of sleep, JC was finally ready to greet the day. He had slept off the remnants of the psychedelic evening and was ready for some coffee. He dressed in track pants and a white t-shirt, grabbed his toiletry bag, and hit the bathroom in the coffee shop for a freshen-up before indulging in his morning brew.

As he entered the main room of the coffee shop, he was surprised to see Sergio leaning against a counter, eyes fixed on a laptop screen.

"Good morning," JC announced in a slightly confused tone.

"Hey, JC," Sergio said, "Slept well, I assume?"

"Probably the best night's sleep I've had in a while, actually," JC scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Is Nicole here?"

"No, she went up the mountain."

"Weren't you going too?"

"I thought I could, but Monica couldn't cover here, so I had to stay."

"Should Nicole be out there alone?"

"It's a popular trail, I imagine a few other people will be on it today."

"Yeah, I guess this is her thing, so she'll be fine," JC said, more to convince himself.

Sergio pulled his phone from his pocket, swiped at it a few times, then turned the screen to JC, displaying a map. "I made her share her location with me," Sergio smiled. "She's about halfway up."

A slight pang of jealousy vibrated in JC's chest.  Josh Peak, Josh Peak, he thought to himself, repeatedly, like a mantra. "Good.... Good. You keep an eye on her." Josh peak.

"Coffee?" Sergio asked.

"Yes, please." 

"Just got this new machine. I can make you anything. Latte, cappuccino, Americano, you name it."

JC looked across the counter at the espresso machine, "Is that a Breville?"

Sergio looked back at him in surprise. "It is. You in the coffee business?"

"I have one at my house."

"Do you live at a Starbucks?" Sergio chuckled.

JC, checking his privilege, replied awkwardly, "I'm just really passionate about my coffee."

"Still learning, but I've finally stopped burning myself on the steamer," Sergio confessed. "Any tips?"

"Let me show you how to make the best cappuccinos."

JC walked behind the counter and began narrating his coffee-making process on the Breville espresso machine. Sergio watched as JC's pantomime became more exaggerated. He ultimately brewed one cappuccino and one latte, complete with a foam flower, and placed them on the counter for Sergio's inspection.

"You're hired!"

The two sipped the coffee in silence. Sergio returned his focus to the laptop, reviewing the new reservation. The guests were arriving today, any minute. JC remained behind the counter, but pulled up his unopened text messages on his phone. A dozen missed calls and text messages over the last couple of days. He knew they were probably from his manager, Eric, who thought JC was out of his mind for just picking up and leaving. As he scrolled through the list of unanswered texts and his heart stopped. Jen had sent two messages, just last night.

Jen: Eric is worried about you. He said you left. Are you okay?

Jen: I miss you, and I am not sure if not speaking was my wisest choice.

JC instinctively began to type out a reply when the bell on the front door chimed as two women entered the coffee shop. One was blonde with short cropped curly hair, the other a brunette with long flowing locks. They were in their 30s and dressed more fashionably than one would expect for the town of Madrid. The blonde made eye contact with JC and held his gaze, familiarity sinking in. JC looked away and tried to busy himself with the espresso machine, wiping the steamer with a towel, while the brunette spoke with Sergio about their reservation.

"Charlotte, look." She angled her head toward JC as she got her friend's attention.

Charlotte's eyes widened, "Oh my god, Ange?" she mouthed.

"Excuse me," Angie, the blonde, said politely. JC first looked toward Sergio, who was fixed again on the laptop, and then looked to the blonde. "Hi, yes. Can I help you?" he responded formally, maybe he could play it off like he worked there.

"You're JC Chasez, aren't you?" Angie asked, her smile widening.

"In the flesh," JC smiled.

"Oh my god! What are you doing here?"

"I work here now," JC said. 

"What:" she asked sharply, growing just as confused as Sergio.

"No! Kidding! My friend Sergio here runs the place. I'm just hanging out."

"Can we take a picture with you?" Charlotte asked, pulling out her phone.

"Yeah, of course, honey."

JC put down the towel and walked out from behind the counter. He looked to Sergio to take the picture. JC stood between the two girls, his arms draped over each of their shoulders, and he smiled widely while Sergio snapped pictures at a few different angles.

"Let me show you to your accommodations," Sergio prompted, ushering the girls away from JC.

"I'll watch the counter, bud," JC called behind Sergio. He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his eyes in slight frustration. It was funny how easily he could forget his past persona on his adventures with Nicole. He was beginning to regret not going on that hike after all.

Sergio returned a few minutes later, thankfully alone. "You're famous?" Sergio asked, his voice a mix of surprise and admiration.

JC chuckled, a self-deprecating smile gracing his lips. "Well, sort of. I've been around the music scene for a while now. But fame is a fickle thing."

"Explains the $5000 espresso machine."

Sergio nodded. "Well, should we get you out of here before they come back and drool all over you?"

*****

Nicole arrived back at the yurt, dusty and slightly sunburned. The hike was gorgeous, not the climb she anticipated, but the vistas at the top were expansive and on a crystal clear day it was nothing less than breathtaking. It was a good day, even if it was sans Josh. When she entered the yurt, it was empty and eerily quiet. She pulled her phone from her backpack to see if JC had texted her, but nothing. She decided to shower, figuring he'd show up soon. As she crossed the yard and passed the fire pit to the bathroom, she noticed two women sitting on chairs talking animatedly. She smiled at them, and they exchanged hellos as she passed.

After the shower, still no JC. She texted him, but no reply. She stepped out of her yurt and looked around. The sun was setting, and her stomach was grumbling. She headed for Sergio's air stream and knocked firmly on the door, hoping he was there and knew where JC was.

Sergio opened the door slowly and peeked out. Happy it was Nicole, he swung the door open and quickly ushered her inside.

"JC has a fan club out there," he smiled as he eased back into the dining table bench. Cards were laid out on the table between him and JC.

"A fan club?"

"Did you know he's a musician?" Sergio asked. A confident smile forming on his face as he laid down another run of cards.

"Sergio is a musician, too," JC nodded at two guitars propped up at the other end of the galley.

"Gin," Sergio smiled, laying down the rest of his hand. "That's 501!" He threw his arms up in victory. 

JC, as competitive as ever, threw his cards down in disappointment. "He's a card shark too, I guess." 

Sergio looked up at Nicole, his eyes filled with a kind of glee. Then he turned back to JC, "It's time. The longer you wait, the more people will be there." Sergio turned back to Nicole to clarify, "He's lost four in a row now. He has to perform at open mic."

"Wasn't that last night?"

"Tuesday and Wednesday. Crazy Alice and her banjo are going to have some competition. JC, should I go alert your fan club?"

"What is this fan club? What did I miss?" Nicole pressed.

JC stood, stretched his arms out, trying to avoid the low ceiling of the trailer, then pulled Nicole into a hug. He pecked the top of her head. "How was the hike?"

"It was great. But back to the fan club?"

Sergio grabbed a guitar and handed it to JC as he described the encounter with Angie and Charlotte, and Nicole made the connection to the women seated outside.

"A bet is a bet," Sergio sang sarcastically.

"I like it when you sing," she looked at JC with sincerity, "and there's food. I'm hungry."

The trio filed out of the air stream and took the outer perimeter out of the compound and crossed back across the street for another night at the Mine Shaft. They occupied their same seats at the bar from the night before. Sergio immediately placed JC's name on the open mic list, and Nicole ordered an array of fried appetizers and two vodka sodas, both for JC, who, for a professional, was noticeably nervous.

"Stage fright, or is it ‘Eric will kill me,'" she said with finger quotes for dramatic effect, "for performing for free."

"Probably both," he answered.

A short intermission followed by Alice's version of "Foggy Mountain Breakdown," and Monica, the MC, called JC to the stage. Sergio stood, whooping loudly. Nicole, more demure, was suddenly taken by a fluttering in the stomach. He was very talented. She had heard him sing only a handful of times; this felt official. She imagined Charlotte and Angie, who had taken up residence at the table directly behind them, probably felt a similar sense of anticipation, since he had been hiding his talent from them for too long.

JC stood center stage at the lone microphone. He cleared his throat and tuned Sergio's guitar. "I'm JC." A flurry of claps sounded from the girls' table. "Thanks. Thank you." He shook his head. "Um, I lost a bet, I am a man of my word, so I have to play a song. I've been working on this one for a few weeks, not done, but let me know what you think."

The first note of the guitar filled the room with a warm, melodic tone. JC's fingers deftly plucked a series of chords in an almost flamenco style. He closed his eyes in concentration, his face bearing a focused yet serene expression as he became lost in the world of music. With each pluck and strum, the guitar responded, and then the sound of his voice joined in.

You know I've always kept my heart protected, 

spending my life just building up this wall.

How could I say no? You hit me so unexpectedly, 

like you want to prove that there's nothing I can do. 

I think that maybe I might be in danger. 

Somehow, you read my mind and found me out. 

I don't know which emotion feels stranger now, 

because I'm afraid. But still, I'm glad I stayed."

JC opened his eyes and fixed them in the direction of Nicole and Sergio. A small smile formed on his lips as he plucked the chords faster and continued to sing, his head moving slightly in time with the beat.

"I can try to fight it, just deny it, avoid the touch,

and turn away from you.

Or maybe, ride it out. 

But if I like it, is that enough 

to call it love, to call you love?"

The lyrics seemed to weave a tapestry of suppressed emotions, but Nicole wondered if those feelings were for her. Her heart pounded, and a spiral of uncertainty began to swirl in her mind. He's an artist; it's universal, the theme of love and desire. Just because they describe exactly how you feel about him doesn't mean he returns the feeling, she thought.

As Sergio listened, a knowing smile graced his lips. It was more than obvious who the muse for this new song was, and he could see the vulnerability in JC's performance. He turned to Nicole, his eyes soft with understanding. "He's clearly feeling some kind of way about you."

The song was incomplete, just a verse and a chorus, which JC repeated twice before finishing with a flourish on the guitar. The small crowd clapped loudly; his talent was evident to everyone. He waved sheepishly before exiting the stage and rejoining Nicole and Sergio, who clasped him on the back in admiration.

"That was good; the fan club makes sense," he nodded his head toward Angie and Charlotte, whose phones were pointed at him, recording the entire time. He tried to push the thought of where those videos could end up out of his mind. He leaned closer to Nicole. "What did you think? Did you like it? I wrote it on your couch."

And that was all the confirmation she needed. The emotions stirred by the song became overwhelming for Nicole. Unable to resist the intense pull, she found herself compelled to kiss him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him close and kissed him suddenly. Sergio stood by, shielding the moment from the view of his fan club's cameras.

 The following day, JC and Nicole savored their slow awakening. Sergio had informed them that no new guests were expected until Saturday, allowing them to relish the comfort of their yurt. Bathed in the gentle morning sunlight streaming through the skylight, they nestled in each other's arms, reluctant to leave the embrace of the bed or each other. Their playful banter filled the air as they discussed their return to Los Angeles.

JC gazed down at Nicole, her head resting on his chest, and pulled her closer. "Have you ever been to Perch downtown?" he inquired softly. 

"No," she replied, her voice equally soft. "But I've heard the view is incredible." 

"I think I'll take you there for dinner when we get back-a proper date," he chuckled, his tone warm. "I want to remind you of the beauty of city lights and glamorous modern buildings before I lose you to nature permanently," he teased.

Nicole laughed. "Oh, and what if I prefer the wilderness to the glitz and glam?" 

"There are parks in the city," he offered. 

"Maybe I'll take you on a proper date-a hiking date in the Hollywood Hills. It's practically your backyard."

His mind drifted back to his time at Runyon Canyon the previous week, a memory that felt both distant and recent. So much had changed in such a short period of time. 

JC looked down at Nicole, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Isn't this what we're doing?" he laughed. "We camped in a tent and stayed in a yurt. I think I'm done with nature dates." JC grinned, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her skin.

Though they could have lingered there forever, reality called them back. Reluctantly, they untangled themselves and began packing their belongings. As they prepared to leave, Angie and Charlotte approached him, eager to discuss his future music plans. JC, polite yet strategic, skillfully evaded their questions, guarding his privacy. Nicole observed the interaction, her amusement evident, appreciating JC's poise under pressure.

"Going to say goodbye to Sergio and get some coffees to go," Nicole called out to JC as he made a final trip from the yurt to the Jeep with their things. 

After ensuring everything was stowed, Nicole met him in the yurt for a final check that nothing was left behind. Just before they got to the car, Charlotte, accompanied by Angie, couldn't help but ask JC about Jen, having seen a picture of them together at a gala two weeks before. Panic flickered in JC's eyes, but Nicole remained unfazed. Ignoring the question entirely, he hurried Nicole to the car, hoping she wouldn't notice the tension in his voice.

On the road to Santa Fe, the final destination of their adventure, JC drove while a debate unfolded between them. The topic: whether it was better to fold or crumple toilet paper. JC advocated for folding, while Nicole was on Team Crumple.

"Folding allows you to be neat and precise." 

"Crumpling gives you more surface area to work with." 

"But you never know where the gaps are. A finger might not always be completely covered."

The conversation then shifted to wild theories about alien encounters and a futile attempt to find a route to Santa Fe through Roswell on Google Maps. But eventually, a comfortable silence settled over them. JC took Nicole's hand, intertwining their fingers and placing their hands in his lap. After a while, the phone's GPS announced their imminent arrival at Joel's parents' house.

"Do they know I'm coming with you?" JC asked suddenly, the weight of the situation sinking in. He had invited himself on this trip, but the reality of being brought "home" to meet Nicole's surrogate family had not fully registered until now.

"Yeah," Nicole replied calmly, trying to hide her nervous energy. 

"Okay," he said, after a beat, "give me the cliff notes. I want to be prepared. Who's who? There's Karen... and what's the birthday boy's name?" 

"Paul." She answered. "Karen and Paul are Joel's parents. Marty is Joel's brother, and his wife is Michelle. They have a daughter, Penelope. But you've met these people-they were all at my birthday party. And of course, you know Joel and Kaylee." 

"I know, but I didn't really meet them. Will they wonder who the hell I am?" 

"You're Josh, my friend."

"And we're staying at the house with all these people? Should I get a hotel?" 

"No. Karen would lose her shit if I tried to stay in a hotel." 

"I can get a hotel; it sounds like a full house." 

"Do you not want to come?" 

"What?" he asked.

"Because you don't have to. I mean, you can fly home or stay in a hotel. Your part of the trip can end here if you want."

"Do you want me to go?" he asked nervously.

"I guess I'm used to you at this point," Nicole joked, attempting to lighten the mood. The car ride had become too serious. JC's lack of response left her uneasy. "Josh, you can go or get a hotel. I'm okay with that. I know you don't really know any of these people. But also, I mean it when I say I'm used to you," she half-smiled. "And I like when you're around, so I'd prefer it if you stayed." Still no reply from JC. "But if you don't want to, I won't be upset or anything. I'll just maybe miss you a bit." She gently squeezed his hand, still locked with hers, resting in his lap.

"So, what about sleeping arrangements? I'm getting used to you too, especially when you're not wearing any clothes, and we're in bed together, and other things" JC said, also attempting to lighten the atmosphere. 

"Other things?" Nicole laughed out loud. 

"What? It's like those meet the parents movies. Is Paul going to threaten me with a gun if I don't make an honorable woman out of you? Will we have to stay in separate rooms? I don't know." 

"He uses a bow and arrow, Josh, remember? Honorable kills." 

"Not helping." 

"Honestly, I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. But 'other things' might not happen. The idea of banging it out in Paul and Karen's house just feels wrong." 

JC let out a nervous breath. "Well, at least I know Joel likes me," he said, trying to reassure himself.

****

Joel's parents' home felt more like a compound than a house. The adobe structure featured a main house in a shotgun style, boasting two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Flanking each side were additional standalone adobe structures, each equipped with two bedrooms with en suites, a kitchen, and a living/dining space. Together, these units formed a U-shaped perimeter around a drought-tolerant yard adorned with cacti. The yard also featured a fire pit on one side and an outdoor kitchen and dining area on the other. Every detail adhered to the standards of typical southwestern decor, with hues of browns, oranges, and turquoise.

Upon their arrival, they were warmly welcomed. Karen rushed out to meet their car, immediately pulling Nicole into a warm hug. "Nice to see you again, Josh. We met briefly at her birthday," Karen greeted. JC reached out to shake her hand, but she enveloped him in a warm embrace as well. 

Karen guided them into the main house, where Paul met them at the door. He shook JC's hand and hugged Nicole tightly, expressing his gratitude for her journey to celebrate him. Joel, too, greeted JC with a friendly handshake, his eyes filled with interest about the man who had captured Nicole's heart. Kaylee, however, regarded Nicole with her typical thinly veiled disdain. She had never approved of Nicole's close friendship with Joel, convinced that their bond was inappropriate.

A short time later, Marty, Michelle, and their daughter arrived, and the large group gathered around the dinner table. Throughout the evening, subtle conversations about the nature of JC and Nicole's relationship buzzed in the air, but were never directly addressed. As they enjoyed Karen's famous chili and cornbread, the topic of family emerged. Paul gushed about having his entire family under one roof again, making sure to include Nicole in the warm sentiments.

"You're like the daughter we never had," Paul smiled warmly.

"Sweetie, you've always been like a daughter to us, and you always will be," Karen added, her voice filled with genuine warmth.

Kaylee's eyes narrowed, her jealousy festering. She couldn't stand the thought of Nicole being the daughter that Paul and Karen had never had. They already had a daughter; Michelle was their daughter, and she would be soon as well. To Kaylee, it felt like an intrusion, a reminder of the bond Nicole shared with her soon-to-be husband.

After dinner, the discussion shifted to room arrangements. JC's worry was unnecessary; Marty and his family would take one side-house, while Nicole and JC, along with Joel and Kaylee, would take the other. Before they parted ways for the night, they made tentative plans for the next day. The party was scheduled for the evening, so the day was free. Joel and Marty made plans to golf, while Kaylee chose to stay with Michelle and her daughter. The mere thought of spending time with Nicole made her ill. JC and Nicole planned to explore the city near the historic plaza.

Nicole and JC followed Joel and Kaylee to their side of the house. Joel retrieved two beers from the fridge, handing one to JC. They sat at the small wooden dining table that connected the kitchen to the living area. Kaylee settled on Joel's lap, while JC took a seat across from them, and Nicole stretched out on the couch.

"So, Josh," Joel inquired, "how did Nicole persuade you into this, and what crazy antics did she make you partake in? Climbing a mountain?"

Kaylee rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath. "Babe," Joel whined, adjusting his fiancée on his lap. "Give it a rest; we just got here." 

Furious, Kaylee pushed away from him and left his lap. "You always take her side."

"There are no sides!" Nicole called, monotone, from her spot on the couch. Clearly, this conversation had been had before. 

Kaylee stormed out of the room, slamming the door to the bedroom she shared with Joel.

"You win Kaylee!" Nicole called out, her tone now sarcastic.  "I never had a chance against your beauty and grace," she added in the same manner.

"Nicole, don't provoke her," Joel chided before following after Kaylee.

Nicole rose from the couch, motioning for JC to join her in the bedroom. The week's travel had caught up with her, and she felt sleepy. She unpacked her clothes for the party, hanging them neatly in the closet before changing into her pajamas. JC eyed her playfully as she changed.

"Not here. Don't get any ideas," Nicole teased, smirking as she pulled on her pajamas.

As they settled into their room, Nicole turned to JC, her expression filled with a mix of gratitude and vulnerability. "I'm sorry about the awkwardness," she said, her voice soft. "Kaylee's never liked me."

"She's quite a character, that one," he confirmed, crawling into bed and holding the covers open for her.

"She's suspicious of everything," Nicole explained, crawling into bed next to him. "Suspicious of me and Joel. Why? Because we shared a room when we were 7 because my mom was on a bender, and I was homeless! She's suspicious of me and Matt; hell, she probably thinks Candace and I hooked up. And you being around-she's suspicious of that too! She hates it."

JC brushed a strand of hair from Nicole's face, his touch gentle. "It's okay," he murmured. "I can handle a little suspicion if it means being with you." 

Nicole smiled at his statement. The thought of him being with her warmed her. She reached up, switching off the light before nestling back into him.

"I can't believe Joel is going to marry her," JC said suddenly.

Nicole laughed quietly and quickly fell asleep.

JC and Nicole entered the Santa Fe Museum of Art. Nicole insisted on paying for their entry tickets, feeling slightly guilty that she dragged him there. Joel and Marty had planned a boys' day, and JC politely declined, not wanting Nicole to be stuck with Kaylee or explore Santa Fe alone. Besides, their trip was ending soon, and JC wanted to soak in all of their remaining time together. Golf wasn't his thing anyway, and he tried to explain to Nicole that exploring a Southwestern art museum with her was more fun than a bros' golf day, but Nicole still felt bad regardless.

JC followed behind Nicole as she moved from one gallery to another. The adobe walls exuded a sense of history, providing the perfect backdrop for the diverse artworks within. Nicole was fascinated as they explored vibrant painted Southwestern landscapes, ancient Native American pottery, and meticulously crafted textiles. Having spent the past week exploring New Mexico, JC felt accomplished when he could match up the details on the information placards with the places they had visited.

"This busted-up pot right here might have been in one of those cliff homes we saw!" he announced excitedly, bouncing slightly on his toes.

Nicole nodded. "What do you think they cooked in that?" she asked as they walked to the final exhibit hall.

"Boiled turkey, obviously!" JC replied, following behind her.

Their last stop was a series of abstract sculptures, paintings, and installations from around the world. 

"Is that a penis or an elbow?" Nicole asked, her head cocked to the side, observing a statue.

"It's whatever you want it to be, baby," JC whispered behind her.

His breath on her skin sent an electric current racing through her. She shook it off and turned to observe another piece, a painting with metal toasters fixed to the top of a canvas that appeared to be a supernatural landscape adorned with a row of bowling pin shaped creatures. 

"You think those are penguins?" Nicole asked.

JC walked confidently toward the painting, turned, fixed an imaginary tie at his neck, and cleared his throat. "Young lady, please observe this painting adorned with flying toasters and tap-dancing penguins. You might wonder, 'What does this mean?' Ah, my dear friend, it's a clever satire on the unpredictable nature of modern technology, juxtaposed with the whimsy of flightless birds yearning to dance. It teaches us that even in the face of technological chaos, there's room for dance and laughter."

Nicole's eyes widened, and she suppressed a laugh, not wanting to draw attention in the hall. After composing herself, she smiled at JC. "So informative, Professor."

JC walked to her, placed his arm around her, and pulled her close. "Are we role-playing?" he whispered into her ear.

"Later," she smiled and patted his chest lightly.

After a few hours at the museum, they ventured out into the city, walking hand in hand and exploring the charming streets of Santa Fe near the historic plaza. The sun cast a warm golden glow on the adobe buildings, creating a picturesque atmosphere around them. They stopped at a café for lunch, then browsed various art galleries. In one gallery, Nicole's eyes were captivated by a small statue of an eagle, meticulously crafted by a Pueblo artist from a nearby reservation.

The gallery owner noticed Nicole's fascination and approached her with a warm smile. "That is an eagle kachina. It is a symbol of strength, freedom, and spiritual power in Hopi culture," he explained. "It represents the connection between the physical and spiritual worlds, serving as a messenger between the two realms."

Nicole was entranced by the statue's significance. "It's beautiful. How much is it?"

"$330," the owner answered.

Nicole's enthusiasm waned. "I'm not sure if that's in my budget," she said softly, putting the statue back in its place.

"Do you want it?" JC asked, picking it back up and reaching for his wallet.

"It's fine," she said. "I don't need it."

"If it makes you happy, I don't mind paying for it. It's not too bad," he said, his eyes filled with excitement. The idea of buying something for her made him suddenly very happy.

"Josh, no, it's all good. I just like looking," Nicole said, becoming nervous. Three hundred dollars wasn't a ridiculous amount of money, but the thought of Josh buying her things left her feeling uneasy.

"I'd like to buy it for you," he pressed on, opening his wallet and thumbing through the card slots.

"No, please. Can we just go?" She noticed the owner watching and started to feel embarrassed. She turned quickly and walked toward the door.

JC pretended to reorganize his wallet, then pulled out a business card, which he discreetly handed to the gallery owner. "I'd like to buy it for her," JC whispered to the gallery owner, his eyes filled with determination. "Please arrange the details with my business manager for the payment and shipping. I want to surprise her."

The gallery owner nodded, understanding JC's intention. He assured him that the eagle kachina would find its way to his home, safely wrapped, and delivered with care.

JC quickly caught up to Nicole and pulled her hand back into his.

"Maybe we should head back? Get ready for the party?" Nicole asked, swinging his hand in hers as they walked.

JC nodded and led them around the corner to the parking lot where they had left Nicole's Jeep. He unlocked the tailgate, pulled out his duffle bag, closed the tailgate, and locked the car. "We can get ready here," he said, taking Nicole's hand and walking her across the street to the La Fonda Hotel. "Paul's party tonight is here," he explained. "I packed our stuff in here." He added, holding up the bag.  "And I got us a room. You know, so we could get ready." He smiled and walked her through the front entrance and to the front desk. "And other things," he added with a wink.

The receptionist placed the key on the counter and explained that their King suite came equipped with a sitting area, a fireplace, and a balcony overlooking the plaza. She rattled off directions to the room and various amenities. JC politely declined luggage service and then took Nicole's hand, and led the way.

"When did you do this?" Nicole asked.

"This morning. Karen mentioned the party would be here, and I knew we would be down here. It seemed silly to make two trips. Plus, only one night under the same roof with Kaylee is probably a smart move," he smiled. "And, you know, whenever you stay at someone else's house," he paused as they came to their room, swiped the key card, and opened the door, "it's hard to have a private moment to, um... bed you."

"Bed me?" Nicole laughed.

As she entered the room, her eyes widened at the cozy heaven before her. The room was filled with warm hues and adobe-style accents. A fire flickered in the fireplace, and ornate furniture invited them in.

"This place is beautiful," she said. Nicole opened the balcony door and took a small step out to inspect their view.

JC placed the duffle bag of their things on the luggage rack set up in the corner of the room by the balcony. "I definitely win when it comes to booking travel accommodations. No bears here, and there's indoor plumbing!"

Nicole rolled her eyes in response and stepped back in, closing the balcony door. JC took a step toward her, hooked a hand around her waist, and turned her toward him. "Be careful, or they'll get stuck up there."

Nicole wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in and kissed him softly. She pulled back slightly and looked up at him, "So, tell me more about this 'bedding' of me you want to do."

"Your rules were very firm," JC replied, "you said no sex under Karen and Paul's roof, so I had to get another roof for us to have sex under."

"So romantic," Nicole replied mockingly. 

JC explained, "It's really hard sleeping next to every night and not being able to make you feel good."

"You always make me feel good," she replied with a blush. "I think it's quite easy sleeping next to you every night" she replied, lifting on her toes and kissing him again. "What am I going to do when we get back, and I'm not sleeping next to you every night?" 

JC kissed her back, lips locked, he walked her to the bed. She dropped into the soft mattress, and he leaned down over her, prompting her to scoot back. She crawled on her elbows back to the head of the bed, reclining on the plush pillows, while he crawled on top of her, never breaking the kiss. He pulled back slightly and whispered, "We're definitely going to have to do something about that," before kissing her again. His hands roamed her body, feverishly, touching every part of her that his hands could reach, as if it could be the last time. 

Nicole let out a soft moan, and JC pulled away. He leaned back on the bed and looked down at her. 

"What?" Nicole asked confused. 

"I just want to look at you," he answered softly with a smile. 

JC slid his hands from her chest to her waist and curled his fingers beneath the hem of her leggings. The skin-to-skin contact, produced a small shiver in Nicole, causing JC to smile with pride. The way her body responded to him was a huge turn-on. He slid the hem of her leggings down. She raised her hips off of the bed, so he could pull them down her legs. Nicole pulled her shirt over her head and laid back against the pillows once again. JC moved beside her, turning her face to his, so he could kiss her again. He moved his tongue into her mouth as the kiss intensified. His fingers crept down her stomach and made their way into her panties. She gasped as he touched her. 

JC pressed his mouth to her ear and breathily asked, "You like that, Nicole?"  

"Mmmhmm," she moaned. Her eyes clenched shut and her body stiffened. 

"Relax, my love." He nipped his teeth at her ear, as he slid a second finger inside of her while his thumb massaged her clit softly.  

Nicole's eyes flew open, "My love," she thought. She chewed on her lip and tried to eye JC out of the corner of her eye. Her breath quickened. Love? Jesus Christ, what a bomb to drop at this precise moment. What did it mean? If I'm his love, he must love me, right? 

Just as her thoughts began to spiral he whispered, "Just enjoy it," and pushed into her more deeply, Her eyes closed, and her body went limp. 

"Let me hear you," he commanded. 

Nicole moaned loudly. JC wrapped his free arm around her, and brought her in close to him, as his lips reclaimed hers. She rocked against his hand and circled her hips. JC picked up the pace, and she panted loudly, her orgasm building, her body craving the release. 

"You going to come for me, baby?" He asked 

"Yes, Josh" she gasped, gripping onto his forearm as her body shuddered in sheer pleasure. JC slowly pulled his hand from her panties and allowed her body to go limp in his arm. He kissed her temple and wiped the hair that was sticking to her now sweat-covered forehead. 

"Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed softly after catching her breath. 

"Oh, no, that's a different JC," he smirked. 

Nicole playfully slapped at his chest in response. Allowing her hand to linger there for a moment. She gripped the front of his shirt. "You have too many clothes on," She explained. 

JC sat up, and Nicole readjusted on the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. Nicole leaned down and kissed his chest. He closed his eyes in response, enjoying the feel of her skin on his. She kissed up one side of his chest and down the other, before straddling his legs. She unbuttoned the fly on his pants and pushed them down slightly. His erection pushed against his boxers. 

"Excited?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"If you could see what I just saw, you would be, too." He smiled, watching her as she caressed him through the cotton fabric. "You are so sexy," he added. "When you come."

"You're good at making it happen." She smiled, as she pulled him out of the fabric. She adjusted on the bed, so that he could pull his boxers and pants off, and they joined his t-shirt on the floor. 

Nicole straddled his lap and rocked against him. She felt his erection straining against her, and he grunted softly as she pressed onto him. JC moved his hands to her shoulders and slid her bra straps gently down her arms. He reached behind her unclasping her bra, then slid his fingers softly between the cups of the bra and her skin, slowly peeling back the fabric, as if he were carefully unwrapping a gift, to reveal her breasts. He threw the bra to the floor, then cupped each breast, kissing each. 

JC moved his hands to her hips to slow her rhythm. He ushered her off of him and laid her back on the bed. He slid her panties down her legs, then used his knees to move her legs apart. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her stomach, then slowly kissed and dragged his tongue up her body until he reached her mouth. He rested on his left forearm, tangling his fingers into her hair, and kissed her deeply. He used his free hand to guide himself inside of her but pushed into her only slightly, eliciting a moan from deep inside. As her body acclimated to him, he wrapped her leg around his waist and pushed in as deeply as he could go, pressing the weight of his body on top of her. He tilted his head back, eyes closed, and gasped as he left her surround him. She was wet, and warm, and perfect. 

"Nicole," He breathed. He pulled back slightly to push into her again. "God, you're unbelievable." He pulled back, then thrust into her again. 

Nicole wrapped her arms around him, clawing at his skin, gripping his hair, kissing him frenetically, thrusting upward, all in a silent demand for more of him. "Please Josh, harder," she moaned. 

Complying, JC increased the rhythm, thrusting firmly with soft grunts, that grew more ragged as his orgasm started to build. The force of his thrusts pushed the bed into the wall with muffled thuds which, combined with their moans, pants, and bodies meeting, created a cacophony of sound. 

Before he could reach his climax, JC pulled out of her, rolled her onto her stomach, and kissed the dampening skin between her shoulder blades. He pressed his erection between her thighs, once again seeking entrance as he wrapped her hair loosely around one hand, prompting her to angle her face back over her left shoulder, so he could kiss her again. He used his free hand to raise her leg to her waist, bent at the knee, and entered her again. The pressure of his thrust at this new angle filled Nicole. She thought he would split her in two. She cried out softly, and when JC hesitated she begged him to continue, the pleasure of the sensation winning out. 

He pressed into her from behind again. Desperately kissing the skin on her back and neck, tightening his grip on her hair, lost in the feel of her. Nicole's body responded in kind. She tightened around him, urging him into climax. Desperate for release, he pumped his hips more forcefully. Nicole's orgasm was already at its peak, she pressed her face into the pillow to stifle her scream of ecstasy. 

Feeling Nicole's body tremble and shake around him brought him to his own peak. He panted and pressed into her again before succumbing to his pleasure, then collapsed on top of her. He kissed her hair, her ear, her cheek, and when she pulled her face from the pillow and turned to look at him, he kissed her eyebrow, her chin, and her mouth. He wanted more of her. 

"Nicole," he panted. "I want this," he slid his arms underneath her, pressing her body in closer to him as he worked to steady his breath. "I want you," he kissed her again. "Every single day." 

Nicole struggled to move with his weight on her but maneuvered in a way that allowed her to be face-to-face with him. His eyes were closed, and his face was content. His breathing was almost normal. She eyed him intently, though he didn't see. "I do too," she confessed softly.

 JC sat back in the blue and white tufted chenille armchair, one of the strategically mismatched design elements of the hotel room, mindlessly flipping through the channels on the television. He was quick to get ready, wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and a black denim button-up shirt worn open and cuffed up his arms. He sat patiently, waiting for Nicole, who, despite her normally casual nature, was taking an abnormal amount of time getting ready for Paul's party. He glanced at his watch; the event had begun twenty minutes ago, and while the event was just downstairs, he was getting antsy.

"It's getting kind of late," he called to her.

"Almost ready," her muffled answer came through the closed bathroom door.

Eventually, Nicole emerged, her peacock green satin romper clinging to her every curve, accentuating her toned legs. Strappy black wedge sandals adorned her feet, adding an extra touch of elegance to her ensemble. Her hair, falling in cascading waves down past her shoulders, framed her face in a way that emphasized her natural beauty. Her makeup, though not excessive, enhanced her features, making her eyes sparkle, and her lips look inviting.

As she stepped into the room, JC's eyes instinctively trailed up and down her figure. His thoughts raced. For the past week, he had seen her mostly in hiking attire, and while she was beautiful even in her most natural element, this change seemed to highlight all of his favorite parts of her body along with the confidence in which she carried herself. He found himself momentarily captivated by her presence, his usual composure momentarily shaken.

"What?" she asked, bending down to adjust the heel strap on her left shoe.

"Wow, Nicole," he finally managed to say, his voice laced with genuine admiration. "You look incredible."

Nicole smiled, a faint blush tinging her cheeks as she replied. Why was taking a compliment always so difficult, she wondered.

"I mean," JC corrected himself, "You always look beautiful, but this outfit is just not how you usually dress."

"Oh, it's Candy's," Nicole laughed. Anytime she needed to wear something other than jeans, leggings, or running clothes, she went to Candace.

He nodded, still trying to collect his thoughts, "She's got good taste. Matt is a lucky man." He stood up from the chair, turned off the television, and held out his arm, bent at the elbow, prompting her to take it. "Let's go and turn some heads tonight."

The La Fonda ballroom was bathed in soft, golden light, casting a warm and inviting glow over the gathered guests. Crystal chandeliers hung from the high ceilings, between skylights of stained-glass. The space was adorned in a typical southwestern way, with wall art and tapestries typical of New Mexico. Tables were elegantly set, and people walked around mingling and looking for their assigned seats. A live band played soft jazz music on the small stage at one end of the room, their melodies adding to the sophisticated ambiance.

As Nicole and JC made their way further into the room, they were met with Karen's warm smile. She enveloped Nicole and then JC in a motherly hug, then asked, "Did you two have a good time exploring today?"

Nicole nodded.

"And Josh's surprise?" Karen asked, eyebrows raised. "Is the room nice?"

Nicole turned to JC with a questioning glance.

"I might have gotten the approval and help of Karen," JC said.

Karen turned to Nicole, "Oh sweetie, I approve of this one." She patted JC's arm softly. "Let me show you where you are sitting. We have you at table eight, with the rest of the kids." Before Karen led them to their table, she put an arm around Nicole and said softly, "I love seeing you happy again."

Karen led them through a maze of tables and guests. Bursts of laughter and conversation mixed with the band. Paul was a popular guy. They arrived at table eight and were prompted to take the two empty chairs between Joel's cousin Evelyn and her wife, whom Nicole knew well but had not seen in years, and Joel's brother Marty. Evelyn stood to hug her, and Nicole squealed in surprise. The two immediately began catching up. JC stood awkwardly until Evelyn made eye contact, then looked from JC to Nicole.

"I'm JC," he introduced himself, extending his hand.

"This is Evelyn, Joel's cousin," Nicole explained.

"Tell me more about this one," Evelyn whispered to Nicole as they all took their seats.

"Nice of you to finally join us," Joel reprimanded from across the table.

"We had things to do," Nicole explained.

"You mean you had Josh to do," Joel chided.

Kaylee rolled her eyes, "That's disgusting," she mumbled.

The party was festive, and the bar was open. Marty and Joel were the go-fors, ensuring everyone at the table had an endless supply of margaritas. Nicole was feeling the buzz creep in, and just in time, dinner was served. Classic New Mexican fare: chicken enchiladas, green chili pork, and a side of posole. 

As dinner was winding down, the speeches began. One of Paul's college friends reminisced about escapades in the girls' dorms, but quickly followed that up with emphasizing Paul's loyalty. His sister shared childhood stories, portraying him as a caring brother and a source of strength for their family. His former boss praised Paul's work ethic and described him as a man who "could sell sand to the Sahara."

Upon the conclusion of the speeches, Paul got up to give his own. He called his family up to join him. Karen, Joel, and Marty, along with his wife and daughter, made their way to the stage and flanked him on either side.

"This is my wife, Karen, and my two sons, Joel and Marty, and his wife Michelle, and my granddaughter, Penny..." Then he paused and looked out at the crowd, his eyes falling on Nicole. "Honey, Nicole, come up here." Nicole tried to shake her head no, but Evelyn pushed her, explaining, "He probably likes you more than Marty and Joel anyway." Nicole rose from her seat, and as she walked to the stage, Paul explained, "And this is Nicole; she's like my, no, she is my daughter." Nicole joined the family on the stage, next to Joel, who wrapped an arm around her.

The room buzzed with polite applause as Paul continued to describe how lucky he was to have such great family and friends, but Kaylee's face contorted with fury. The inclusion of Nicole cut through her like a knife, amplifying her jealousy. She had never approved of Nicole's closeness to Joel.  If they were truly blood-related, it would border on incestuous in her mind. Nicole was always crossing boundaries, and now they were rubbing her face in it.

The plates were cleared, cake was cut, and the lights dimmed, but the volume of the band raised. JC ushered Nicole to the dance floor. As they swayed to the rhythm, Nicole's satin romper shimmered in the soft glow of the lighting, and her hair cascaded down her shoulders. JC's hand rested gently on the small of her back, guiding her with confidence to the music. He leaned down and pressed one and then two soft kisses to her lips, before they were interrupted. 

Joel cut in, grinning mischievously, "Josh, mind if I steal my sister for a dance?"

JC laughed, "Of course not, Joel."

Joel, purposefully off-beat, twirled her suddenly, then teased, "So, what's the deal? 

You've been with Josh for like a week; who is moving in with who?"

"Whom. Who is moving in with whom," Nicole corrected.

"Who, whom, whatever."

"Where's Kaylee? She's going to shit herself if she sees you dancing with me," Nicole warned.

"She'll get over it."

"You two have been together for years; she still hates me. She's been shooting me death stares all night."

"I'll talk to her. But this isn't about me. Tell me more about Joshy."

"I don't need her to like me, but can you find a way to convince her that we have never messed around and have no plans to do so."

"Yeah, done. But what's up with you and Josh?"

"Oh, you know, we are just enjoying the music and the party tonight."

Evelyn had JC's ear, as she recounted awkward stories about Nicole as a young child who mostly lived with the Pratt family. Marty chimed in from time to time. He explained that when she came to live with them the first time, he thought his parents got them a sister to clean their rooms for them because they were so bad at it. Marty explained he was worried that he was in trouble for not cleaning, and that would mean Santa would bring him fewer presents, so he started to clean his room when he was told.

Nicole excused herself from the conversation and wandered her way to the outside patio that adjoined the event space. Now was as good a time as any for a cigarette, but when she got outside, she realized she didn't bring anything down with her from the room, and JC had the key.

"What are you doing out here?" a voice asked, startling her.

It was dark outside, and she thought the patio was vacant. She turned to see Kaylee, sitting on one of the ornate patio benches. "Shit! You scared me," Nicole laughed awkwardly. "I was going to smoke a cigarette, but I forgot I have everything upstairs in our room."

Kaylee's anger seethed beneath her composed facade at the reference to the hotel room she shared with JC.  "I can't believe you're parading around here with Josh as if he's your boyfriend, and you're all in love," Kaylee hissed, her voice dripping with venom. "Just like your fake sister bullshit."

"What are you talking about?" Nicole sighed, fighting the urge to punch her square in the face. Kaylee's routine was getting old.

"Fucking men who are already taken."

"Kaylee, under no circumstances have I ever had sex with Joel, nor would I. The thought is repulsive. And even if your concerns were true, why are you marrying a man you can't trust."

"It's you, Nicole. You can't be trusted."

Nicole stared at her in disbelief. "I have never done anything to you, Kaylee." Nicole turned to walk away.

"What about JC? Does his girlfriend know how often he crawls into your bed?" 

"Who? What the hell are you talking about," Nicole was confident that Kaylee had too much to drink, and that she should walk away from her, and maybe it was the influence of Nicole's own four margaritas, but she advanced toward her fists clenched. 

Kaylee scoffed, her laughter bitter. "Oh, please," she sneered. "They live together."

"Who?" Nicole shouted in frustration. 

"Josh, JC." She yelled back, and then suddenly it clicked. The weight of those words settled heavily on Kaylee's shoulders, her own certainty crumbling. Suddenly, the pieces fell into place, and the truth became apparent - 

******

JC, still listening intently to Marty and Evelyn, had his attention pulled away. Joel patted him on the back and pointed to the open patio doors. He could see Nicole and Kaylee speaking, and pointed them out to JC. 

"That can't be good," JC joked. "Do they always hate each other this much?"

Joel shook his head, annoyed. "Maybe we should separate them."

******

"Holy shit." Kaylee took a step back. "I... I didn't know. I mean, I thought you knew." Her first reaction was to save face. "I mean, he's a fucking celebrity, you can google it..." her line of reasoning faded as she spoke. Then her voice softened, the realization of her own cruelty hit her like a punch to the gut. "I'm so sorry, Nicole. I shouldn't have said anything."

"And what civil discourse is happening out here?" Joel interrupted as he tried to angle himself between the two women. 

JC eased in next to Nicole, who immediately took a step back. She fixed her gaze on JC, as if seeing him for the first time. "Oh, you know," Nicole turned to face Joel. "Kaylee is just accusing me of being a slut, and a homewrecker," She paused and turned back to JC, her voice quivering, "Because she thought I knew about your girlfriend."

JC's eyes widened. His first instinct was to deny,  "I don't have, a girlfriend. I mean, you're basically my girlfriend." He faked nonchalance. He pulled her hand into his, but she shook him off violently. 

"That you live with." Her words were cold.

JC stammered, his face flushing with guilt, "Nicole, it's not what you think. We're not together anymore. We broke up a week ago, I promise."

Nicole's eyes narrowed, disbelief etched across her face. "A week ago?" she retorted, her voice sharp. "You've been fucking me for 6 months, Josh. All this time, you had a girlfriend?

JC looked down, unable to meet her gaze. "I mean, we hadn't defined things." And as soon as he said it, he knew it wouldn't land.

"I stopped seeing Zaire, for you.  At your request. That's not defining things?"

JC stepped closer to her, trying to get her to understand. He swallowed hard before admitting, "I didn't want to hurt you, Nicole. I thought if you knew, you'd leave. But it's you, I swear. I love you."

Nicole's expression turned from shock to anger. "You lied to me for six months about this. What the fuck else did you lie about?" she said, her voice steady but filled with hurt. 

"Josh," Joel interrupted. It took all of his strength not to kill him.  "Maybe you should..."

"Josh!" Nicole scoffed. "There's another lie. That's not even your name, Jay-See" she elongated the sounds of his initials.  "That's why you want me to call you Josh when we fuck, so you can feel less guilty about cheating and lying."

The accusation punctured his soul. JC reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away again. "Just let me explain," he was becoming desperate. 

The spiral was turning, and an unsettling dread washed over him, drowning his senses in a sea of desperation and panic. He watched her, feeling a sense of impending loss gnawing at his insides, intensifying the mania of his mind. She can't leave. Not now. Not like everyone else. The fear of losing her, of being abandoned, consumed him entirely. His mind was a chaotic battleground, thoughts colliding like thunderclaps in a storm of overwhelming emotion. I confessed to her that I loved her, but I'm not worthy of her love or forgiveness. She's about to walk out, and I can't be without her. I can't lose her, when I've only just found her.  How can I fix this? With each spiral of thoughts, a desperate plea for her to stay became more urgent, more fervent. His hands trembled, and his voice caught in his throat as he fought to find the words to make her stay, to make her understand. To make her try. "Let's go upstairs. We can be alone and talk about this." He begged, "Please, please, just hear me out. Let me try to explain." 

 Nicole's eyes welled up with tears she refused to shed; she would save them for another day, for something or someone who was worthy of those tears. "Don't," she said, her voice breaking slightly. "I thought we had... I don't know what I thought. I was clearly wrong. This is a betrayal."

She turned and walked away, leaving JC standing there, his heart heavy with regret and his mind spinning in fear.

 In the hushed confines of the bathroom, Nicole's fingers trembled as they clutched the edge of the porcelain sink, seeking support amidst the chaos. Stray strands of her disheveled hair framed her face, mirroring the disarray of emotions spiraling within. The faint scent of JC's woody musk, a lingering trace of his presence, still clung to her and mingled with the antiseptic odor of the bathroom, creating an oddly surreal atmosphere.

The soft hum of distant chatter and laughter from the party outside seemed like an incongruous soundtrack to the storm raging within her. Her once-bright eyes, now glazed with a sheen of unshed tears, stared blankly at the reflection in the mirror. The harsh fluorescent light accentuated the weariness etched across her face, a stark contrast to the vibrant woman who had entered the party just hours ago.

As she closed her eyes, Nicole's mind replayed the fragments of moments shared with JC: the first time they met, their nights at the Brit, the merging of Josh into her life, the last time she felt his body pressed to hers just hours ago-all felt like cruel lies.

"Why did I let myself believe this was possible? Wasn't I supposed to be smarter than this?" she whispered to her reflection, each question a reminder of the vulnerability she tried desperately to conceal. A tear slid down her cheek, carrying with it the weight of not only his betrayal, but also the cumulative burden of every loss she had experienced. "I should have seen it coming," she thought.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open. Joel's entrance brought a momentary reprieve from the emotional whirlwind, his voice gentle, though a storm of fury was brewing within him at the heartbreaking scene before him. "Nic?" he called, the concern in his voice cutting through the charged air. "We can go. Let's go," Joel urged.

"My keys, my wallet, everything. They are all in the room," she responded, her voice trembling.

"We can sort it out tomorrow. Right now, we should leave," Joel insisted, the urgency in his tone underscoring the need to escape the suffocating atmosphere.

For the first time since the revelation, Nicole's emotional dam crumbled. Tears streamed down her cheeks, silent witnesses to the pain she had bottled up. "I need my things," she sobbed, the weight of the situation bearing down on her.

With a resigned sigh, Joel accompanied her up the stairs to the hotel room, where an air of tension awaited them. Joel knocked on the door forcefully. After a beat, the door opened, and JC's eyes met Nicole's. Guilt etched across his face as he attempted to articulate the tangled web of justifications that had led to this moment. Nicole's eyes bore the weight of betrayal, her gaze deflecting his words.

Joel, however, was a different storm brewing on the sidelines. The protective instinct he harbored for Nicole clashed with the disdain he felt for JC. As they entered, the room seemed to shrink as Joel's anger intensified, threatening to spill over.

"You have to understand," JC pleaded, desperation tainting his voice.

But Nicole remained unmoved. She recoiled from his touch. In the background, Joel's fists clenched and unclenched, the internal struggle manifesting into physical actions.

The breaking point came when JC reached out again towards Nicole, a plea for connection in a sea of disintegration. Joel, unable to contain his fury any longer, lunged forward. He wanted to make JC pay for the pain he had inflicted on his friend.

Nicole's voice sliced through the charged atmosphere, a scream that reverberated through the room. "Stop, Joel!" The command held a force that cut through the impending violence, freezing everyone in their tracks. Joel, mid-swing, halted, his eyes locked with Nicole's. At that moment, her gaze begged him to stop the physical altercation.

With a heavy exhale, Joel stepped back, his anger tempered by Nicole's plea. The room, once a battlefield, now held an air of resignation. "Get your things," Joel commanded. He remained standing square in front of JC, preventing him from approaching or stopping Nicole. The pair then left the room, leaving behind the debris of a love that had imploded under the weight of JC's lies.

****

The crackling fire pit outside Paul and Karen's house painted dancing shadows across Nicole's bundled form. She sat in solitude, enveloped by a jacket and blanket, seeking solace in the flickering warmth. Her phone, switched off, beside her, the screen black, a testament to JC's persistent attempts to reach her. Karen emerged from the house, a steaming mug in hand, her breath visible in the crisp night air. She approached cautiously, the concern etched on her face. She settled beside her, attempting to breach the silent fortress Nicole had erected around her.

"Honey, Joel told us what happened." She handed her the mug. "Just thought maybe this tea could help keep you warm; it gets cold out here at night."

Nicole looked at the steaming liquid but made no move to take it. Karen placed the cup down next to her. The flickering flames reflected in her sad eyes as her mind replayed the shards of moments shared with JC. Karen sighed, understanding the complexity of the emotions swirling within her.

Nicole eventually picked up the cup, the warmth now serving as a contrast to the cold tension surrounding them. Karen sighed again, a mix of sadness and concern evident in her expression. She decided to respect her need for silence and withdrew, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The crackling fire continued to cast dancing shadows across the quiet scene.

*****

Matt paced the living room, frustration etched across his face as he grumbled, "Do I fly out there? We should have fucking gone to the party." His protective instincts surged, imagining Nicole driving back alone from New Mexico. "She stopped answering her phone. What am I supposed to do?"

Candace leaned against the cool stone countertop in the kitchen, observing her husband's restless circuit of the living room. Glancing at her phone, she noted the unread messages she had sent Nicole. "Matt, babe, her phone is off. Joel is there; she's with his family. She probably doesn't want to talk," she reassured him.

"I'm going to fly there, and I'm going to fucking kill him."

"No, you aren't." Candace walked over and wrapped her arms around Matt, kissing him softly. "She's survived worse."

"Yeah, that's what I mean, babe," Matt's voice softened, weighed down by memories. "After Jason died, we were there for her, like, all the time. We practically moved in, you know? I hid knives!" The anger within him simmered again.

"It's not the same," Candace whispered, enveloping Matt in a comforting embrace. "And we will be there for her again."

"I wanted him to be the one," Matt mumbled into Candace's neck. "That pulled her out of the past."

"I think we all did."

The cell phone buzzed on the kitchen counter, interrupting their poignant moment. "Maybe that's her," Candace said, releasing her husband and making a beeline for the phone. But disappointment crossed her face as she read the screen.

"Is it her? Answer it," Matt demanded.

"No, it's... um, Kaylee," she mumbled awkwardly, and Matt turned back into the living room. She tapped the phone to pick up the call, but did not speak. She carefully eyed Matt, ensuring his attention was fixed elsewhere. She stepped back into the kitchen, slightly out of earshot, and whispered into the phone, "Hello? Josh?"

"Candace!" JC was grateful she answered. "Something happened..."

"Josh, I know what happened. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Candace please. I never meant for this to happen. I know I messed up, but I can't lose her."

Candace remained silent, glancing up to monitor Matt, who would lose it if he knew JC was on the line.

"Candace?" JC asked, confirming the call had not dropped. 

"Yeah, I'm listening. I don't know what you want from me."

"Just help me. I need to make things right."

"Josh, for months she was your damn side chick, meanwhile she's thinking it's real."

"It is real!" He snapped, offended at Candace's insinuation. "I didn't plan any of it. I wasn't looking for anyone else. I wasn't trying to have an affair. She literally fell into my life. And when I'm with her, it's like I've never felt with anyone else. I can be myself, you know? And the other relationship-it's over." The silence at the other end of the phone was deafening. "Candace? You have to believe me."

"Josh, what am I supposed to do?"

"I'll do anything to fix this, Candace. If you could talk to her, and tell her to just hear me out, she will. She will listen to you. I just need her to know I didn't plan for this to happen."

"It's not about what you need right now. It's about what she needs and deserves. She gets to decide what comes next."

"Candace, I love her."

*****

Nicole remained by the fire. The minutes stretched in heavy silence, until Kaylee emerged from the house, her steps tentative as she held her phone. The concern in her eyes was a departure from their usual dynamic. It was the first flicker of kindness or understanding she had ever extended to Nicole. She paused, the glow of the fire playing upon the contours of her face, before gently offering the phone to Nicole. "Candace wants to talk to you, just to make sure you're okay," Kaylee explained. Each word carried an undercurrent of empathy, as if Kaylee had momentarily shed the layers of animosity that had defined their relationship.

Nicole's reluctance manifested in a simple shake of her head. She wasn't ready to confront the shards of her heart, scattered in the aftermath of JC's betrayal. Acknowledging Nicole's silent plea, Kaylee nodded understandingly. She put the phone up to her ear, and explained to Candace, that Nicole would call her later. She turned to go inside, leaving Nicole to the solitude of the fire's glow.

"I bet you're loving this." Nicole remarked. Her voice, tinged with bitterness, halted Kaylee in her tracks. "Watching my whole life just crumble right before your eyes. Is it as good as you hoped it would be?" The question hung in the air, a raw expression of the pain that had woven itself into Nicole's words.

Kaylee turned back, her expression softening. "No, Nicole. I'm not happy about any of this," she responded sincerely, her eyes revealing a depth of regret. "I really did think you knew. And that's the problem." Kaylee's admission was a vulnerable revelation. She sat down next to Nicole, their proximity fostering an unexpected honesty. "I thought you were awful; I wanted you to be you to be awful, so I thought you knew and didn't care." After a beat, she added, "I am a total fucking bitch."

Nicole nodded, a small smirk playing on her lips. "You are," she acknowledged, eying Kaylee sideways. The tension that had once defined their interactions seemed momentarily suspended.

Kaylee chuckled, breaking the heaviness of the moment, and wrapped an arm around Nicole, who accepted the embrace. In that shared vulnerability, the animosity that had fueled their relationship temporarily dissipated. "Kaylee, I don't have a family. Matt and Joel are as close as it gets. And, I don't mean to, or want to, stand in the way of you two. Can you trust that I am not trying to?"

"I'm sorry," Kaylee replied, her voice carrying genuine weight. "For everything." The fire's glow painting a scene of unexpected reconciliation in the midst of the chaos of the evening.

****

JC found himself alone in the quiet aftermath, surrounded by the echoes of his actions reverberating through the empty spaces. His phone, once a source of connection, lay on the coffee table. Multiple ignored calls and texts to Nicole gnawed accusingly; each unanswered attempt at reconciliation widening the gap that had opened between them.

The room seemed to close in on him as he sank into a plush chair, his face a canvas of remorse and regret. His fingers tapped nervously on the armrest as he debated whether to reach out again. The solitude and utter aloneness intensified the ache of abandonment, a familiar pain that JC had tried so desperately to escape.

He picked up the phone and dialed Nicole's number once more, but it didn't even ring, a poignant reminder of the unanswered connection he sought. In a desperate bid for some semblance of control, JC dialed his manager, Eric. The phone rang, and when Eric answered, JC's voice betrayed a vulnerability that contrasted with his public persona. "E, I need you to book me on the next flight from New Mexico back to LA. Now."

"Finally, you return a call," Eric criticized. "I told you New Mexico was dumb; I thought you drove."

"My car got stolen," JC was getting good at lying.

"What!" Eric's voice raised an octave.

"E, Please don't ask questions, just help me."

"I'll call you back when I have it sorted," and with that, Eric promptly ended the call. In the dimly lit room, JC's face was a portrait of a man coming to terms with the consequences of his choices, abandoned by the very connections he had falsely created.

 Nicole reclined in the high-top bar chair at Clancy's, a local 49ers bar, and focused intently on her phone, refreshing her fantasy football app. The atmosphere was electric as the 49ers and Seahawks battled it out on the screen. The bartender placed a pair of beers in front of her. Matt, a passionate 49ers supporter, slid into the seat next to her, grabbed a beer, and took a gulp.

"They might pull this off!" Matt said excitedly.

"I hope they do; I have Garoppolo, and those fumbles and interceptions lost me some points," Nicole explained. "I need Garoppolo to run or hand it off to Mostert," she added, doing some math in her head.

"What do you know about running plays? I thought you picked your fantasy football team based on looks," Matt laughed.

"I do. That's why Jimmy is my quarterback. But I'm learning the game, one fine ass man in tight pants at a time," Nicole giggled. "Gambling really creates a vested interest in sports outside of baseball."

Matt shook his head and returned his focus to the game. The 49ers managed to tie it up late, pushing the game into overtime. The bar was filled with collective tension, punctuated by cheers and gasps with each pivotal moment. Ultimately, the 49ers missed a crucial 45-yard field goal attempt, and on the next drive, the Seahawks scored, handing the 49ers and all the fans in the bar a loss, including Nicole, who lost her 10th week of fantasy football by 0.17 points.

Matt's phone lit up on the counter, as a text from his wife buzzed through.

Candace: Did you talk to her yet?

Matt huffed and tapped out a reply:

Matt: No. She seems fine.

Candace: Do not come home until you talk to her.

"Candace wondering where you are?" Nicole asked, noticing Matt's attention on the phone. She took a final pull from her beer and added, "I'm ready when you are."

Matt thought about the standard withholding of sex his wife enacts when he does not do as she said, and quickly lied. "No. The book club is still going on. You want one more drink?"

That was the lie that convinced Nicole to leave the house that evening. She had been holed up in her apartment for three weeks. Matt had only seen her for a matter of minutes, upon her initial return from New Mexico, when she hid out as his house, and made Candace wait for JC to pick up his car from hers. She even canceled family dinner the next week. She was supposed to host, but outside of going to work, Nicole didn't feel up to doing much else.  Candace urged Matt to spend time with her, get her out, talk to her, so they crafted a lie about Candace hosting a girl's night book club, and needing Matt to leave. Nicole took sympathy on him and said they could watch football at Clancy, one of the many bars in the short circumference of her home.

"I'm done drinking. I have to work in the morning," Nicole explained. She noticed the disappointment in Matt's eyes and invited him to come up to her apartment until his home was clear of women, save his wife.

The brisk November air carried with it a sense of tension as Nicole and Matt walked towards her apartment. Matt silent, trying to think of how to start the conversation. At the beginning of the evening, he assumed Josh would come up in some kind of natural way, but that was not the case. Besides, Nicole seemed almost like herself. She smiled, drank beer, chatted with other people at the bar. Maybe she was fine, and she just needed time to herself.

He followed her into her building, and they went up the elevator. There just was no good way to broach the subject. He'd hang out for a bit, then go home and tell his wife they talked and Nicole was fine. As they approached her front door, a package rested neatly against the wall. Matt picked it up and noted the return address: Josh Chasez. Guess the conversation about Josh would come up more naturally than he thought.

"Is that my Amazon package?" Nicole asked as she pushed her door open and led Matt inside.

"Not quite," Matt answered. "It's from Josh."

"What?" Nicole turned sharply and took the package from Matt. "I thought he got the point when he finally stopped calling last week."

"Have you talked to him?" Matt asked carefully.

"No!" she answered quickly, offended he would even ask her that. "That's what I mean, when you call a hundred times a day, and the person doesn't call you back, that might mean they don't want to talk to you."

Matt sat on the couch and eyed her cautiously as she placed the package on the counter.

"Nic, are you okay?" he asked sincerely.

Matt was not the one to verbalize his emotions and concern. He often just grunted in various tones to note his approval or disapproval, but Nicole knew he was being serious.

She sighed and sat down next to him, her eyes momentarily closing as if to shield herself from the chaos within. "I'm fine, Matt. Just looking forward to the day when Josh leaves me alone, and I can forget about all this."

But Matt persisted, "It's just, New Mexico was a lot, and you came home, and for the last three weeks, you've been MIA. I just worry, you know."

At that moment, Nicole's guard wavered, and the words spilled out. "I'm mad at myself, Matt. For thinking, I was in love with him," she stopped, suddenly surprising herself. It was the first time she admitted it to herself, let alone anyone else, that she loved him. "That I could be in love with him."

"Pretty sure he felt the same way. You don't travel across the country with someone for a lay, Nicole. If that's all he wanted, I'm sure there are plenty of girls who would line up." Nicole scoffed at his response. "Just because he made a mistake doesn't mean his feelings aren't real," Matt continued. "Maybe you should hear him out. Maybe you can try to save what you had."

Anger flashed in Nicole's eyes. "Save what? After everything that happened? Are you serious, Matt? I can't believe this is coming from you."

"Trust me, I would love to fucking clobber that guy. But not more than I want to see you happy. And he made you happy. The same way Jay made you happy."

"We are not bringing Jason into this." She stood up angrily. "Jason is dead, Matt. Quit digging him up!" Nicole almost immediately regretted her words the second she uttered them. "I think maybe you should go. I'm definitely ready for this conversation to be over, and I'm ready to go to bed."

Matt rose up, and grabbed Nicole by the wrist. "Hey, I'm sorry. I just need you to be okay."

"I'm okay, Matthew." She replied tersely, ushering him toward the door.

Nicole closed the door behind him and released a heavy breath. She locked the door and cut the lights. She glanced at the package she placed on the counter and turned away from it. It didn't feel worth opening at the moment. She took a quick shower and slid into her waiting bed, surrounded by the comforting darkness that matched the tangled thoughts in her mind. The room was silent, save for the occasional hum of distant city sounds. In the stillness, her mind echoed with thoughts and questions about Josh. She had done well, not thinking about him the last couple of days, and Matt and that dumb package had kicked everything back up, and as she lay there wishing for sleep, the spiral of thoughts crept in.

What if she called him? What if she reached out and heard his voice again, breaking the silence that had settled in since his last text went unanswered by her? The idea lingered in her mind, tempting her with the prospect of closure or perhaps, no matter how hard she wanted to not admit her desire for it, a rekindling.

As she stared at her phone on the nightstand, the glow of its screen beckoned her to reach out. The memory of his name on her screen sparked a vivid daydream. The possibility of hearing his voice again, the familiarity of his laughter, and the way he used to say her name - it all played out like a movie in her mind. In this imagined scenario, Nicole envisioned a conversation that unfolded like a carefully crafted script. The tension would dissolve, replaced by a warmth reminiscent of the connection they once shared. She would hear the sincerity in his voice, the regret for the mistake that drove them apart, and they could start over. But reality intervened, and her phone remained untouched. The fear of more heartache, the uncertainty of what a conversation with JC might unveil - it anchored her in hesitation. Calling him would only make it worse and give him more opportunities to lie and justify his actions. He hadn't made a mistake; he had only revealed his true character. She rolled over and clenched her eyes shut. JC had taken so much from her; she refused to let thoughts of him take this night of sleep away from her, too.

 Nicole took the bus to work the next morning; it was the first time since she got home that she hadn't driven. She had been avoiding Patrick and everyone since she returned from New Mexico, but she felt that today was as good as any to get back into the normal routine. Patrick entered the bus two stops after hers and smiled broadly when he saw her seated in the back. He sat down next to her, placed a soft kiss on her cheek, and said nothing for the entirety of the 50-minute ride. Nicole was grateful, and when Patrick exited the bus, he turned to Nicole and asked, "See you this afternoon?" She nodded.

She did not have running practice today, and the special schedule to accommodate the annual career day event meant she did not require the extra bags of school supplies or graded papers she normally carried. She walked into the office, greeted everyone, signed in, and headed to her classroom to drop off her things before heading to the school's multipurpose room, where the college counselor was organizing the guest speakers over a continental breakfast. She knew that Mr. Sheffield from the Boston Consulting Group was volunteering his time today, and she wanted to check in with him to make sure he was good and had everything he needed.

Before entering the MPR, Nicole chatted with a group of students who were mingling outside. They were organizing folders with schedules and a map of the campus for all the speakers, and would be escorting them to their rooms. The career day event had grown over the years, now comprising an entire day. Guest speakers led three 45-minute classroom workshop/discussions that students signed up for in advance, followed by lunch and then a panel discussion in the auditorium with any of the guest speakers who could stay. Students would then complete a series of classroom workshops, including resume writing, job application, and mock job interviews.

Ms. Antonelli, the college counselor, and the planner of today's activities, caught sight of Nicole as she walked out of the MPR to check on the students. "Hey girl!" she smiled widely. "I had to change your room assignment. Your friend called last week to confirm he'd be here, and we needed more space, so you'll be the moderator, but in the art room, not your room."

"Okay," Nicole replied, confused. She didn't think that many kids would be interested in the CEO of a business consulting company. "I was just coming to see if Mr. Sheffield was here yet." Nicole explained as she followed Ms. Antonelli into the MPR.

"No, not BCG guy. *NSYNC guy." Ms. Antonelli laughed. "Can you get Justin Timberlake next year?"

"What?" Nicole asked; things were not computing.

"How do you even know him?"

Nicole surveyed the room, scanning the faces of the waiting speakers as they mingled, nibbled on store-bought pastries, and poured coffee from Starbucks paper cartons. Her eyes fell upon a wavy, perfectly unbrushed quaff of graying hair, accompanied by an all-black outfit. "Are you fucking kidding me?" she thought. His head was turned, and he hadn't noticed her yet. Perhaps if she moved quickly, she could escape, retreat to her room, and trade moderating assignments with anyone else. She didn't have it in her to spend close to three hours in a room with Josh.

As she attempted to slip away, he turned his head, and his blue eyes locked onto hers. A small smile spread across his face, and he looked at her with anticipation. He had no idea how she would respond, but merely seeing her again made it seem worthwhile.

Nicole turned quickly, attempting to make her way outside, only to be intercepted by the man she expected to see, Mr. Sheffield.

"Ms. Bell!" he greeted, extending his hand. She shook it gently, worry evident in her face. "Are you okay?" he inquired.

"Yeah. Yes, just a busy day, and I have to get to my classroom to organize my kids." She managed an awkward smile, her gaze shifting as she noticed JC walking toward her. "We'll chat at lunch, huh?"

"Absolutely," Mr. Sheffield replied, letting her go on her way.

Nicole reached the door, poised to exit, when JC caught up to her. "Nicole, hey. Wait."

Not wanting to make a scene, she paused.

"What are you doing here, JC?" She asked.

Her tone stung, and she had never before called him JC; that stung even worse.

"I know you don't trust me, but my name really is Josh; you can call my mom."

"What are you doing here?"

"Nicole, I asked Eric to arrange it. You had given him the information. I just wanted to see you again. You don't return my calls, and I didn't know how else to-"

Nicole cut him off, her tone sharp, "You thought Career Day was the appropriate place to track me down?"

He steeled himself, "I just missed you, Nicole. I wanted to talk."

"I have to go. I am at work. I have to be in my classroom." She turned and walked away.

Nicole sat at her desk, the classroom door open, as she waited for her first-period students to file in. She shuffled through their career day schedules, glancing down to see which of her students had signed up for the "Music Producer" session. Having kids she knew in the room seemed a strange comfort. The bell rang, morning announcements went off, and Ms. Antonelli's voice buzzed through the intercom with directions for both faculty and students. Slowly, students piled out of their classrooms and wandered the campus to find the rooms they were assigned to. Ms. Flores, the Art Teacher, crossed paths with Nicole; they traded keys as they were swapping rooms for the first half of the day, and Nicole reluctantly walked across the campus and entered the art room.

JC had a table set up with a laptop projecting an electronic mixing board on the screen. He had two microphones plugged into the computer, a keyboard set up on one side of the table, and an acoustic guitar set up on the other. Nicole sat silently at Ms. Flores' desk. She tried not to look at him, but she couldn't help it. He would press keys on the computer, then turn and look at the projected screen.

"So this is what your work is like?" She asked suddenly.

Excited by the fact that she was even speaking to him, JC looked up and smiled. "So this is what your work looks like?" His eyes scanned around the classroom.

Her eyes narrowed, a mix of longing and hurt playing across her face. "You can't just barge into my life like this, Josh. It's not fair."

"I know, I know," he sighed, looking genuinely remorseful. "I shouldn't have done it like this, but I didn't know how else to get to you."

Before he could continue, a small group of teenagers bounded into the room. Nicole escorted them into the front seats, not allowing them to congregate at the back. In a matter of minutes, the room was full. Nicole stood by the teacher's desk and read a short bio off a card in the most monotone of cadences:

Today, we have the honor of Mr. JC Chasez joining us. He began his career in the entertainment industry on the Disney Channel, then leveraged that success into a famous early 2000s pop group, *NSYNC...

A small burst of chatter erupted from the students; no one knew who he was, but the name was definitely familiar. 

After releasing a solo album, he ventured into music production, and he joins us today to talk a little bit about what that career is like.

The bio concluded to a silent room of blinking teenagers. JC suddenly felt very nervous.

"Thanks for that warm introduction, Ms. Bell. But she left off one very important thing: Ms. Bell and I are friends." He looked back at her. Nicole remained unmoved.

JC smiled at the silent audience and gestured toward his setup. "Hey, everyone! Welcome to the world of music production. I'm JC, and today, I'm going to take you on a journey into the behind-the-scenes magic of the music industry."

He began by explaining his role as a music producer, the person responsible for shaping and molding the sound of a song. The students listened intently, some with genuine interest and others with a hint of skepticism.

Suddenly, a hand went up in the air. "How did you become a music producer?" the student asked. JC continued, anticipating the question, responding comfortably, "Well, I started as a performer. I was part of a group. We spent a lot of time all over the world making records, so I got to work with a lot of producers. Watching them work is kinda like watching a painter, but with sound. I started to help produce our own music, and when our group stopped, I knew producing was my next step."

Curiosity sparked in the eyes of the students, and another hand shot up. "Who have you worked with?"

JC listed names of artists that the students, who grew up on a hearty mix of Nipsy Hussle and corridos, were definitely unfamiliar with, but he assured them that each collaboration had left a mark on the music scene. As the questions continued, JC could sense the students' losing some interest and wanted to take things a step further.

"You know what, instead of me just talking about it, how about I show you?" JC proposed, a mischievous glint in his eye. "I've got this whole setup here: microphones, instruments, and a world of possibilities at our fingertips."

He attempted to coax volunteers to join him in the front of the room to sing, assuring them that the more off-key, the better. Shy glances were exchanged among the students until finally, JC took matters into his own hands. He stepped up to the microphone and let out a comically exaggerated, off-key note, earning laughter from the crowd.

"I told you, it's not that scary!" he exclaimed. "Now, who's brave enough to give it a shot? Ms. Bell, how about you?"

Nicole tried to wave off the volunteer request, but half of the kids in the room knew her, or had her class, and cheered, urging her to respond to the embarrassing request. She walked to the front of the room. JC placed a hand on her shoulder. She was almost transported to the past, a few weeks ago, when JC's touch was an ever present sensation on her skin, and she was reminded of the butterflies it would elicit in her stomach as they once again began fluttering. She wanted more than anything to shake his hand off, but thought better of it in front of a room of people.

"What do you want to sing?" He asked her. "Just need a few lines."

Nicole suddenly felt like she needed this to go well. This would make or break JC's presentation. He couldn't be more disconnected personally and professionally from this classroom of South LA teenagers, and she didn't want that for anyone. She cleared her throat and held the microphone up, "Came through drippin'. Drip, drip." JC cocked his head to the side, eyes wide; this felt very random. "Came through drippin'. Drip, drip. Came through drippin'. Drip, drip." Many of the students in the classroom joined her in the final line. "Diamonds on my wrist, they drippin' ice!" Then the class, wailed in laughter and applause.

JC thanked her and then played back the recording. The class laughed as they also heard themselves on the audio track. He then began to demonstrate the magic of music production.

He clicked away on the computer, isolating the vocals from the background noise. He added different sounds and effects, and even threw in a bit of auto-tune for fun, which then turned Nicole's Cardi B song into a serenade. Ms. Bell turned from bad rapper to professional singer in one click, and the students were in awe.

"Now, here's where it gets fascinating," JC announced. "What kind of background music should accompany Ms. Bell's vocals?"

Shouts of suggestions filled the room, everything from heavy metal to mariachi. After some deliberation, the students settled on reggaeton. With a grin, JC explained how you look at the markers on the vocals, and you try to match up a music track to the same markers. The result was a hilarious and surprisingly catchy tune that had the students cheering and clapping along.

Emboldened by the success, JC turned to the students. "Who wants to give it a try? Come on, don't be shy!"

After a brief hesitation, a volunteer emerged from the crowd, eager to test their vocal skills. The students cheered her on as JC worked his magic, turning her untrained voice into something that resembled a professional recording.

Next, a soft-spoken boy who played guitar volunteered to help JC demonstrate how the software worked on musical instruments as well. He plucked at the guitar strings in a standard Spanish melody, and with the help of some additional volunteers, they used JC's software to apply different effects, loops, and tweaks to transform the simple guitar chords into something that sounded like a symphony from a grand concert hall.

The session, filled with laughter, music, and experimentation, and it left the students wanting more, but the first session was ending, and they had a fifteen-minute transition period before a new group of kids filled the room. Kids filed out slowly, stopping to ask him questions. But eventually, they were alone again.

"I think that went well, don't you?" He asked her, walking toward her seated at the desk.

"Yeah, and they are hard to impress," she reassured him, then turned her attention to a roster of students who would be attending the second and third sessions. "You're gonna have some serious musicians in the third session. Octavio and Ansel are in a Norteño band. Octavio plays the accordion," she smiled.

He missed that smile. He was suddenly very close to her. He was half seated on the edge of the desk, looking down at her. "The kids really like you."

She wanted to tell him to move or step back, but couldn't seem to muster up the strength. She could smell him, and it was strangely familiar and comforting. "Just gotta ham it up, I guess."

He placed his hand on top of hers on the desk, "I miss you," he confessed, but she pulled away from him quickly.

"Josh don't." Her stony expression wavering. "I know this is all a good deed and shit, but that doesn't make it okay. You can't just override my boundaries because you miss me."

JC's expression softened, "I'm sorry, Nicole. I just needed a chance to explain."

She shook her head, torn between the anger and the residual affection. "Explain what?" She stood up. "You explained enough. I'm tired of your explanations."

He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "I messed up, I admit it. But I needed to talk to you. Please, let me make it right."

Nicole hesitated, battling the conflicting emotions within her. "You can't just sweep everything under the rug with a grand gesture. It doesn't work like that."

His shoulders slumped. "I know. I just... I didn't want to lose you without trying."

A heavy silence hung in the air before Nicole finally spoke, her voice tinged with vulnerability, "Pretty sure the next group of kids is at the door." Nicole walked past him and opened the classroom door, allowing a new group of teenagers to file in.

The guest speakers were treated to a boxed lunch by Corner Bakery. The student council escorts flocked around JC in the MPR, asking him question after question about the software he showed them. He played back the audio recordings of all three sessions he hosted, so they could hear what each group had recorded. Only one escort was in the first session, so the others were tickled by Ms. Bell's operatic sounding version of Cardi B's "Drip." He explained that he would share the recordings with Ms. Antonelli so that they could access them again. And they were excited that he would be participating in the panel discussion.

The bell rang to end lunch, and as kids piled into their classrooms, eight of the day's guest speakers were ushered into the auditorium. JC hadn't planned on spending an entire day at a high school, but so far Nicole had shot down every attempt he made at reconciliation, so he figured he would just stay as long as he could. Maybe his presence could wear her down.

The high school auditorium buzzed as students filed in. The eight panelists, including JC, sat at a long table up on the stage, side by side. Ms. Antonelli moderated and kicked off the discussion by introducing each panelist and their respective fields. Among them were a software engineer, a journalist, a healthcare professional, an environmental scientist, and an entrepreneur. Students, one at a time, came up to a microphone stationed in the center aisle of the audience and asked their questions.

The software engineer, Sarah Thompson, faced the first inquiry: "What inspired you to pursue a career in software engineering, and what skills are essential for success in the field?" Sarah smiled, her eyes reflecting a passion for her work. She delved into her journey, emphasizing the importance of problem-solving skills, creativity, and adaptability in the ever-evolving world of technology.

The journalist, Mark Rodriguez, fielded a blunt question about fake news. Mark emphasized the crucial role of critical thinking, research, and fact-checking in ensuring the integrity of journalistic work.

Dr. Emily Hayes, a healthcare professional, was asked, "How do you balance the emotional demands of your job?" To which she explained the importance of empathy, resilience, and a strong support system in coping with the emotional toll of healthcare professions.

JC was asked about the role of education in the music field, and he explained that there is a mix of very formally educated music producers, and guys like him, who were lucky to break into the field. He said, "It really shows you how important it is to follow your passions down any road you might take, whether it takes you to college or elsewhere, when you are passionate about what you do, it makes doing it even better."

There were only two students with questions remaining in the audience; the panel would end soon. JC scanned the crowd for Nicole. The auditorium was filled with over 500 people, but he felt confident he could spot her. His eyes roamed the audience before his name was called.

"Mr. Chasez, we have a final question for you?" Ms. Antonelli mentioned and JC smiled and nodded his head.

"Do you think you could perform a song for us?" asked a young girl with a very squeaky voice. It was hard to believe she was in high school.

"I don't think. I mean, I didn't bring my guitar or anything in here."

"Oh, we can get it for you," Ms. Antonelli explained, a little too excited. A smattering of students, most who had attended one of his three sessions, cheered and clapped in approval of the request.

JC nodded reluctantly. Ms. Antonelli pulled her microphone away and asked one of the student escorts to run and grab his guitar from the multipurpose room. "Let's take the last question, and then Mr. Chasez can perform."

Nicole sat low in her seat. Her class was seated near the back. Most of them had attended one of his sessions and began whispering excitedly. "Ms. B, is he good?" a girl leaned over and asked her." Nicole pressed her finger to her lips, trying to shush them while the last panelist answered a question.

After some transition time, moving around tables and microphones, a student reunited JC with his guitar, and he stood at the center of the auditorium stage. The auditorium hushed into a curious silence, all eyes fixed on him.

"I didn't plan on singing for you today, so forgive me. I haven't warmed up. And I unplugged my autotune," the auditorium laughed softly. 

With a few casual strums of his guitar, JC teased the chords, a hint of recognition lingering in the air. The students watched on, and many of the teachers, old enough to remember, exchanged excited glances as the opening notes of a familiar tune filled the auditorium. JC explained, "This is one of the more popular songs we had in the group I was in. Maybe you've heard of it."

He dove into an acoustic version of "Bye Bye Bye," a classic from his past life as a performer. Students and teachers alike cheered as they recognized the song. JC's voice was raw, but he still sounded great, his guitar providing a stripped-down backdrop to the iconic tune. 

As he reached the end of the first verse and launched into the chorus, the auditorium transformed into a collective sing-along. The energy was infectious, and even those unfamiliar with the song couldn't help but bob their heads along and join in on the fun.

With a final strum, JC brought the song to a close, halfway through. Applause erupted through the auditorium; he was received far better than anyone would have anticipated, considering the generational divide. "Thank you, thank you!" he grinned. "Now, that's a blast from the past. I can play one more. I'll share something new."

He adjusted the tuning of his guitar, his fingers gracefully dancing over the strings. "So, I produce music, but I also write songs. Mostly for other people, so hopefully someone will pick this one up, and you'll hear it on the radio one day. Before I start, I just wanted to thank one of your teachers, Ms. Bell, for having me out here today. I had a great time with you all. So this is a song Ms. Bell actually helped me with. Hope you like it."

Nicole felt hundreds of eyes turn toward her. Her students, her coworkers, all with questioning glances. She hated being the center of attention. Her heart sank. What was he even doing? She never helped him write a song.

The auditorium fell into a hushed anticipation. The melody was slow and haunting, and rang familiar in Nicole's ears. She had heard it before. She tried to remember when or how. His fingers gently cradled the strings of his guitar as the melody progressed. Then the verse began,

"I've been standing in the shadows, where every day feels like night," JC sang, his voice carrying a raw vulnerability. His eyes scanned the faces in the crowd, searching for the face his heart was connecting to.

Nicole sat even lower in her seat. She tried not to look up at him, but it was too impossible to look away. Her emotions swirling like a tempest within her. Recognition finally sinking in. It was the same song he had played in her living room on Jason's guitar, a memory from only a month ago that flickered in her mind like an old film. The lyrics echoed through her, stirring the remnants of the feelings she had for JC.

"It's like trying to watch the wind blow, I just need to feel your light," JC continued, each word imbued with a yearning that seemed to transcend the confines of the auditorium.

The memories flooded Nicole's mind, but those memories were overshadowed by the months of deceit and betrayal. She hesitated between the desire to believe in the sincerity of the song and the painful reality of the lies she had endured.

"Your heart surrounded by a wall you've built there, and every time you hurt, it gets so high," JC sang, as if each word carried the weight of a plea. The chorus swelled, a plea for redemption and a fresh start. "Let's tear it down and build some love," JC sang, his voice reaching a crescendo. The audience transfixed on him, but, for Nicole, the conflicting emotions threatened to consume her. She wanted to run from him and to him all at the same time. 

The second verse unfolded, "We both have some reservations, a couple fears, a couple doubts," he sang, acknowledging the complexities of their relationship. "The insecurities can scream like thunder, but I'll hold you close to me, and then somehow," JC continued. The vulnerability in his performance palpable, but for Nicole, the battle between trust and betrayal raged on.

"We'll tear it down and build some love," JC sang, repeating the chorus with an intensified urgency, as if the fate of their relationship rested on the power of his words. As the final chords echoed through the auditorium, JC's scanned the crowd for Nicole, his eyes pleading for understanding.

Nicole, torn between the past and the present, couldn't bear the internal conflict any longer. She rose abruptly from her seat, exiting the auditorium. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stormed out, the heavy doors closing behind her.

JC, left alone on the stage, felt the weight of his song hanging in the air. The applause from the audience served as a bittersweet backdrop as he grappled with the uncertainty of whether the song had reached the one person who mattered the most. Ms. Antonelli thanked JC for sharing his time and music with them, and then dismissed the students to their classrooms.

JC packed his guitar and returned to the multipurpose room to gather the rest of his gadgets. He was escorted to the parking lot, where he loaded up his Mercedes. He scanned the cars in the lot, searching for Nicole's Jeep, but he did not see it. She probably took the bus, a thought that made him simile. Disappointed, he turned over the ignition and pulled out of the lot, heading for home.

 The bus ride home was packed. There were no seats available, so Nicole and Patrick stood next to each other, gripping the handrails as the bus squeaked through Los Angeles traffic. Patrick knew what had happened in New Mexico and knew that was why she had been absent from her usual routine. He also knew that she would eventually come around, and if she didn't feel like talking, he wouldn't force it, but he missed his friend. They commuted in silence for over half the ride before Nicole announced, "I saw Josh today."

Patrick wasn't sure how to respond. She never formally explained to him what had happened over the last few weeks that would warrant this announcement, but Candace had filled him in. "Oh?" felt like a universal enough reply.

"I know Candy told you what happened."

"She did. I've been trying to give you space," Patrick explained.

"He came to school. For career day," she added.

"Did you plan that?"

"No, he did it to see me," Nicole said softly.

"And we're happy about it? Mad about it? Or fucked about it?" He searched her face for the truth. "I support all reactions," he smiled down at her, reassuringly. 

"They loved him. The kids. Everyone loves him. I love him."

"He is pretty charming."

"I wish I never met him," and with that, she popped her earbuds into her ears, and they remained silent until Patrick's stop. 

"I hope you'll come to the Brit tonight; the Tuesday night crew misses you," Patrick explained as he exited the bus at his stop.

Nicole entered her apartment, exhausted from the day. Changes in the school routine always brought an extra layer of fatigue, but she was also mentally drained. She had spent the last three weeks trying not to see, think about, or speak to JC, and after today, that was all she could think about. Mostly because she missed him. Watching him speak with the kids reminded her of how funny he is, how easy it is to talk to him, how comfortable it is to be around him. She missed those things the most. She thought she had waged a victory in her ability to close him out of her thoughts recently, but today his boundary crossing pulled her right back into the battle.

Nicole placed her school bags on the floor of the living room, resting against the wall beneath the bar top. She began to organize her things for the next day, trying to focus on the mundane routine to keep her mind from wandering. She pulled the remnants of her lunch out of her backpack and rinsed the Tupperware in the sink before placing it in the dishwasher. Then proceeded to tidy up the stacks of mail and papers on the counter when her mind was suddenly dragged back to him. She noticed the package on the counter that remained unopened since Matt brought it in last night. His name, Josh Chasez, was scrawled out on the return address label. He had written it out himself. She turned the package over in her hands, wondering what was inside. What symbol of redemption had he sent her.

She slid a finger under the seam of the padded envelope's enclosure, reached in and pulled out a small, carefully wrapped item. She peeled back the bubble wrap to reveal a small carved eagle. It was the kachina she had been eyeing at the gallery in New Mexico. It was small and fit in the palm of her hand. She turned the figure carefully; the wood was carved in great detail. Delicate lines formed the face and eyes, giving the impression of watchfulness and wisdom. Its beak was slightly open, as if caught in mid-call. The wings were outstretched and covered in meticulously carved feathers that cascaded down its back. The fine lines resembled the intricacies of real feathers, and they were painted in various shades of sienna, brown, and a fiery golden yellow. The figure recalled a memory of JC standing in the gallery looking at her softly and explaining, "If it makes you happy, I want to buy it for you."

She snapped herself out of the intoxicating lure of memories and put the statue down gently on the counter, then busied herself with dinner. She pulled out a cutting board from one cupboard and a pan from another. She assembled various items from the refrigerator on the counter, all under the kachina's watchful gaze. The eagle, perhaps a thoughtful gift from JC, seemed to stare back at her, its symbolism intertwining with the complexities of her emotions. 

She paused her circuit of the kitchen and turned the small figure around, facing it in the opposite direction. But it was pointless. Even without the eagle watching, she wasn't going to eat. The emptiness she felt mirrored her restless thoughts, and she was ready to crawl out of her skin. The distraction of the Brit and an alcoholic beverage seemed appropriate right now.

It had been close to two months since Nicole had spent a Tuesday at the Brit, so she was surprised to see a chessboard set up at the bend in the bar, her usual spot. Dan was mixing a drink when he saw her open the door and enter. A smile spread across his face, and it was contagious; she couldn't help but smile back. She took her regular seat and moved a black knight on the chessboard. Dan made quick work of pouring the drink, took the patron's money to the register, then jogged around from behind the bar. He pulled Nicole into a deep bear hug, and lifted her up off the chair and to a standing position.

He pulled back slightly and said, "I missed this face!" before hugging her again, then finally releasing her, to jog back around and behind the bar, where he moved a pawn on the chessboard before making Nicole a drink.

"Lucky guess at my return, tonight?" she asked, nodding toward the chessboard.

"It's been there waiting for you every Tuesday, in hopes we would be reunited again." He held up a bottle of gin; Nicole nodded in approval, and Dan started mixing.

"OH!" a loud, piercing cry came from the open patio door. Patrick, dressed in a golden silk jumpsuit and platform heels, a departure from the subdued collared shirt and slacks he wore on the bus earlier, called out, grabbing the small crowd's attention. "The prodigal son returns!" He added, then strutted his way up to Nicole, slid into the seat next to her, crossed, uncrossed, recrossed his legs dramatically, then rested his chin in his hand as he propped his elbow on the bar.

"Not a son," Nicole laughed.

"Oh, honey, it's gender-fluid here; it's okay."

The night unfolded with familiar banter. Nicole was grateful for the drinks and the distraction. Patrick was a one-man show. He fluttered back and forth from Nicole's side to various bar patrons, flirting, talking, making friends, and looking fabulous. Nicole took three chess losses in a row, and in record time. Dan placed a third gin and tonic in front of her, but as Nicole moved to set the board up for a fourth game, he grabbed her hand.

"Lovey, we can play chess all night, but you can't come here and not talk to me."

Nicole eyed him cautiously. "What? I am sure you know. It's kinda embarrassing how everyone knows."

"I don't mean, tell me what happened, I mean, talk to me about you and what's going on with you." He released her hands and eyed her, much like a parent would eye a child in warning of the consequences of bad behavior.

"I gave it a shot. A real one," Nicole began, and Patrick, with his impeccable timing, reoccupied the seat next to her but didn't interrupt, sensing the seriousness of the interaction. "Josh said he was giving it a shot too. So I took the leap. He lied, and now here we are." Nicole explained as nonchalantly as possible.

Patrick placed a gentle hand on her knee and squeezed.

"And Josh?" Dan asked?

"And Josh, what?" Nicole asked, she could feel a tinge of anger rising. Why is everyone so concerned about Josh?

"He just confessed his sins and left?" Dan asked.

"Pretty much."

"That man did not leave," Patrick said matter-of-factly, and Nicole shot him a quizzical look. "What?" Patrick asked. "It's true. He showed up at her work today."

"And?" Dan asked riveted.

"He spoke at career day. Unbeknownst to me. He sang a bullshit love song, he's infuriating. And he sent me a gift. In the mail."

"What did he send you?" Patrick asked.

"An eagle statue. We saw it in an art gallery in New Mexico. He tried to buy it for me then, but it was too expensive. I told him no. Three weeks later, it's on my doorstep like he can buy my forgiveness."

"Tsk, tsk," Patrick sucked his teeth in what appeared to be dramatic disapproval. "That man is doing a whole lotta showing up." He added. "Nicole, honey, you're the one running away."

"Josh gets to lie to me for months, and I'm being ridiculed for having self-respect." Nicole stood abruptly; she pulled her pack of cigarettes from her purse. 

"Oh no." Dan grabbed at her hand, pulling the cigarettes from her. You don't get to walk out of here too." She glared at him, snatching her pack of cigarettes back from him. "Listen, I get it, Nicole. What Josh did is wrong, no doubt about it. But when you and Josh were together, there's undeniable chemistry. I just want you to be sure you're not icing him out because it's scary to love someone. No easy outs." 

Nicole frowned, her frustration evident. "Dan, he had a girlfriend the whole time we were together. How can I trust someone like that?" 

Dan nodded in understanding but persisted, "I'm not defending his actions. What I'm saying is, don't let the hurt make you forget the good. If he's genuinely trying to make amends, it might be worth considering. Closing yourself has never worked for you in the past and it's not working now." 

Patrick, supporting Dan's line of reasoning, added, "Hon, we all know what Josh did was fucked up. But maybe, just maybe, he's learned. People screw up, and sometimes they genuinely learn from it. Don't let fear be the reason you push away someone you love." 

Dan placed a comforting hand on hers, his eyes sincere. "Nicole, you deserve to be happy, and sometimes that means taking a risk. Maybe you should see him. What's the worst thing that could happen? You actually forgive him?" 

As Nicole absorbed their words, the Brit buzzed with life around them. Nicole sighed, torn between the echoes of betrayal and the possibility of forgiveness. She looked at the chessboard, the pieces frozen in a delicate dance of strategy.

****

The sun dipped low over the horizon, casting a warm glow across the sprawling city of Los Angeles as Nicole maneuvered her Jeep up the winding roads of the Hollywood Hills. The iconic palm trees lined the streets, and the air carried the scent of eucalyptus, mingling with the distant echoes of the bustling city below. The evening hues painted the sky in shades of pink and orange, a breathtaking backdrop to the tumultuous spiral of thoughts winding and turning in her mind.

In the passenger seat, the eagle Kachina lay resting atop the padded envelope it arrived in. JC's scrawling writing on the return address label was the inspiration for this trip. She wondered how it would end. The plan was to show up, and either thank him for the thoughtful gift, or return it, whatever her heart told her to do at that moment. She promised herself she would listen, no second thoughts, no turning back. 

With every curve of the road, Nicole's grip tightened on the steering wheel, her thoughts swirling like the city lights below. Two days had passed since her conversation with Dan and Patrick, and JC's surprise appearance at her place of work. She had not heard from him since, and his silence hung heavy on her heart. The conflicting advice echoed in her mind - would her heart forgive him, could she open herself up to vulnerability, or would she remain guarded, protecting herself from potential heartache?

She had only been up here once before, as Zaire's date. Recollections of that previous visit flashed through her mind. JC's fiery jealousy at her arrival with another man leading to one of the hottest sexual encounters she had ever had in his laundry room. Her skin flushed at the thought of him feverishly placing kisses over any space of bare skin he could find, her hands holding onto him tightly, his body pressed to hers. She shook off the past, focusing on the present moment when her phone's GPS announced, "You have arrived."

She parked her car off the street in a dirt area along the hillside. In the confined space of the car, Nicole gave herself a silent pep talk. "You can do this," she whispered, willing herself to face the uncertainty awaiting her at JC's door.

Nicole grabbed the eagle statue and envelope, which served as a tangible and completely justifiable reason for this surprise visit. Exiting the car, Nicole walked along the length of a large white stucco wall that bordered JC's property. The late afternoon air carried a mix of tension and the distant hum of the city. As she approached the security gate, doubts crept in. Was he even home? Had she thought this plan through?

The security gate, slightly ajar, was a stroke of luck. Of course, he has a security gate. A fleeting and silly image of her awkwardly climbing over this large stucco wall if it weren't open played in her mind. She was grateful for the small mercy.

Nervous energy pulsed through her as she passed through the gate. An internal debate ensued. Did she walk boldly to the front door, as initially planned, or should she look for another way to announce her presence? Her mind raced with questions. Was there a doorbell? Would it be invasive to call him from the outside? Nicole descended a series of steps, her footsteps echoing on the paved path leading to the front door.

With a firm resolve, she knocked on the door and stepped back, her heart pounding. Nicole waited, the echo of her knock lingering in the stillness, uncertain of what response awaited her on the other side.

****

JC sat on a barstool at his large marbled island in the center of his kitchen, flipping through a pile of mail. His phone buzzed insistently, and he glanced at the screen, revealing Eric's name. With a resigned sigh, he swiped the phone and pulled up the messages: two grainy screen captures and a link to a video. He knew this moment was inevitable, the reckoning for the secrets he'd been trying to keep. The two girls had definitely taken pictures. 

Before he could tap the link to the video, his phone vibrated in his hands, signaling an incoming call. With a deep breath, he answered, lifting the phone to his ear, his free arm crossing his chest. "Eric!" JC announced in mock excitement, attempting to mask the tension in his voice.

"Who's the girl?" Eric asked, his tone probing.

"What girl, E?"

"The girl in the photos."

"It's Sergio, a guy. I stayed at his, um, Airbnb in New Mexico, Eric. He just has long hair."

"You went to New Mexico for a cowboy bar and an open mic?" Eric pressed. "Did you watch the video? There is physical contact. It is most definitely a girl."

"Is she sucking my dick?"

"JC, Who is it? What kind of damage control do I need to do?"

JC could sense Eric's doubt, and he knew he couldn't keep dodging the questions forever. "What, man? She's no one." A pang of guilt pulled at his heart. "Look, nothing happened inside that bar," he was becoming irritated, "other than I sang half a song."

"Why did you need to go there anyway?"

"Sometimes you just need to get away. Look, I gotta go, someone is at the door."

****

The seconds stretched. It felt like an eternity before Nicole heard footsteps on the other side of the door, and eventually, it swung open. Nicole was greeted by a tall, stunning woman with beautiful tanned skin and long, black hair parted down the middle. A warm smile adorned her face, and recognition seemed to flicker in her eyes as she beheld Nicole.

The memories rushed back to Nicole - the party a few months ago, JC's arm wrapped around this woman in a long white dress. She clung to him all night, or almost all night. And now, the same woman stood before her, casual in jeans and an Aerosmith t-shirt, barefoot and seemingly at ease and comfortably at home.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked.

Before Nicole could say anything, JC's voice called out from within the house, "Jen, who's at the door?" 

JC appeared at the doorway, his eyes widening as they locked onto Nicole. He froze, worry etched across his face. The air hung heavy with unspoken questions. The silence lingered for a moment, the weight of unspoken truths settling over the trio at the threshold. The door stood ajar, and in that pregnant pause, the impending confrontation loomed, leaving the outcome uncertain.

Nicole had spent almost a month reeling from JC's lie. And now, the manifestation of that lie was standing before her, utterly clueless. Nicole steeled herself. She looked down at her hand where she firmly gripped the eagle Kachina and envelope. She took a deep breath and did exactly what she knew she should do. She lied.  

"Hi! I, um, just live down the street. And this got delivered to me." Nicole held out the statue in the palm of her other hand. "I opened it without looking, and well, it's clearly not meant for me." She forced an awkward smile. "I looked and saw this address," her other hand waved the envelope in JC and Jen's direction. "So I figured I'd come drop it by. Sorry about opening it."

"What is it?" Jen asked.

JC took the statue from Nicole. "It's a thing I bought in New Mexico," he answered, his eyes locked onto Nicole's in silent supplication. The solitude that threatened him during Nicole's absence had driven him back to the comfort, security, and familiarity of Jen. And now, as the two women stood face to face, he finally understood the consequences of his choices.

Nicole handed him the padded envelope as well, and he quickly tucked it under his arm. "Well, you two have a great, great evening. Sorry about the misunderstanding." Nicole turned swiftly and made her way up the stairs.

"Thank you," Jen called after her as she closed the door.