“Goodnight NYC, I love you!” he said to the screaming crowd before walking off stage. 

“That was AMAZING!!” she said. “Thanks again for the tickets. I’ve never been so close before.”

“D, you’re my best friend. Who ELSE would I bring but the biggest Justin Timberlake fan I know?  I’m just sad we didn’t get VIP or bar, but Jonathan would’ve killed me if I spent that much…”

“I was within 25 feet of him, I’ll take it. The seats I got for a few days from now are basically nosebleeds. Still not used to you and my brother, though…” she sighed. 

“It’s been 6 months, D… Even then, we were together back in high school.”

“Yeah, it was weird for me then, too. I almost wanna tell him you let all those guys buy us drinks during intermission…”

“As long as it’s just drinks, he doesn’t care.”

“You’re the most beautiful woman everywhere we go, you always get stuff like this. I’ll be honest, maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but I wonder if you only like my brother again cause he’s a doctor, making VERY good money, long hours…”

They started walking towards the exit. “You know it’s not like that. We had plans after I graduated, but he got that great offer with the Army. All that medical training, was lucky enough to never see combat, and now junior partner in his practice.”

“That’s not official yet…”

“As of last week it is. He took me out to celebrate…”

 

“I know what that means, and as much as I’ve lived vicariously through the men you’ve dated and slept with, my brother is NOT one I want to hear about.”

“You make it sound like you’ve never dated…”

“Not recently.”

“Hey, I’m glad Paul is out of your life. He cheated on you over and over again, you deserved better.”

“I know.  But it was nice to be with someone, someone that actually found me even somewhat sexy.”

“He took advantage of your low self esteem to get you into bed…”

She sighed. “Yeah. I felt awful after the first time. But better than the alternative, being a fat woman, pushing thirty, and still a virgin.”

“You’d done other stuff with your ex.”

“That was 5 years ago Dani. I spent 3 years single, living through you and your love life until then.”

“Just saying, you settled instead of waiting for the right guy.”

“I WAS engaged, remember? I thought I HAD the right guy; glad I didn’t sleep with him and be more of a mess.”

“You make it so personal…”

“I TRIED just doing the casual sex thing with Paul. A year and a half later and he was talking about marriage.”

“An OPEN marriage, and only so you wouldn’t leave after finding out he cheated on you.”

“You and my brother aren’t casual, I hope not, and at the same time still don’t want to know.”

“No, once he came back into town it’s been only him. I couldn’t do that to him, to you.”

They walked out of the arena, heading towards the nearest subway station. They were only heading down a couple stops, but it was cheaper than a taxi and easier than walking. 

“Paul wasn’t supposed to turn into anything, I didn’t even plan on sleeping with him, it just kinda happened one night. Once I realized what I’d been missing out on, I tried to keep it casual, but then my heart got in the mix. I’m not cut out for that.  I need something real.”

“You knew that the whole time you were together, had plenty of times to end it after he’d cheat.”

“Sex with a cheater is better than no sex at all,” she sighed. “It was AMAZING, so I put up with everything because it was better than the alternative.”

“D, you’re worth MORE than that. You know it.”

“Dani, try telling that to the guys I’d meet online. One or two dates and that would be it. Some would just straight up ask if I’d be DTF, and would block me once I said no. Once guys saw me in person, they’d want nothing to do with me. I’m 35 now Dani, not holding out much hope.”

“There’s someone out there for you, he could be around any corner in this city.”

“You make it either sound super easy, or impossible to find him.”

“I’m just saying you might already know him, or you’ll meet him soon. Come with me to karaoke tomorrow. DON’T bail on me. I know you met Paul there, but it’s been 3 months and I KNOW you miss it.”

“Yeah, I miss everyone else there.”

“Maybe you’ll meet someone at karaoke. Someone to make beautiful music with…”

They got off at their stop and walked up to their apartment. Really more Deana’s than Danielle’s. She’d all but moved in with Jonathan, still paying Deana rent. Danielle crashed on the bed in her room, Deana got ready for bed, torn between the high of being so close to her favorite singer, and the painful realization that it was another night alone. 

…

Deana’s alarm the next morning went off what she felt was way too early, despite changing her shift from opener to mid shift. She knew she’d be tired from the concert, but still needed the hours.  She got out of bed, showered, and got dressed.  She looked at herself in the mirror.  Khaki pants, black polo tee, hair pulled back into a high ponytail, brown rimmed glasses on.

“Another day of giving the world their coffee,” she sighed.  “Like I’ll ever meet and attract someone with coffee…”

She had a quick breakfast before going to work.  She put in her headphones, her Justin playlist started to play. It got my hyped for the concert last night, maybe it’ll help me ride that high for a while, she thought. 

She soon reached her store, greeting the customers and coworkers inside. She put her apron on and was ready to start her day. 

“You’re all smiles this morning,” her coworker said. 

“I was 25 feet away from Justin Timberlake last night at the Garden,” she hummed. 

“You’ve taken his order, made his drinks before, you’ve been closer than that…”

“That’s just coffee.”

“Whatever.”

He’s right, though. I’ve been closer than I was last night, but it’s totally different. Seeing him perform compared to giving him coffee. 

She was on bar, the mid morning rush kicking in. She was a few drinks in and hitting her groove. She could almost do her job blindfolded. She’d thought about attempting it if it could help her make more in tips. 

She called out drink after drink, making eye contact with the customers picking up. “I have a grande green tea with honey for Justin,” she called. 

She was glad she’d put the cup down before she looked up. There he was, right in front of her. She blinked in shock. 

“Not your usual order,” she said. 

“Yeah, trying something out,” he said. His voice sounded different somehow. 

“Great show last night,” she blushed. 

“Thanks. Gotta get going, thanks Michele,” he said, raising his cup.

Michele, that was her work name. It was easier to pronounce correctly, she’d wished she had a more normal name, or at least better spelling.

“Justin,” she called as he turned to leave, “not sure if this will help, but when my throat hurts I drink a little dill pickle juice. Sounds weird but I swear it helps. Something about the spices or the vinegar.”

“Thanks,” he smiled softly, turning to leave. 

Holy shit, I just had a real conversation with him!! she screamed internally. She knew he came around while he was in NYC, but not enough to be a full regular. She hoped she’d see him a bit while he was in town for a couple shows. Her mood perked up even higher than just listening to his music. Not like I could get someone like Justin, though.

…

Justin stepped out of the coffee shop towards his suite. His vocal trainer and personal doctor would be coming over soon. Something hadn’t felt right the night before, worse when he woke up that morning. 

He saw a little corner store, stopping inside. He looked down the aisles until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed a couple jars of dill pickles. 

If this doesn’t work, he thought, at least I have something to snack on.  Michele is always so great. I know she’s a fan, but she’s always treated me like a regular person. 

He walked through his front door, putting the pickles on the counter. He flopped onto a couch, doing his best to relax, sipping the tea. The warmth helped his throat, but it was a taste he’d have to learn to like. 

There was a knock on his door, his doctor and vocal trainer arrived together. They heard the raspiness of his voice and started figuring things out. His doctor did an initial exam, making sure it wasn’t something higher up before checking his vocal cords. 

Justin hated this part, he’d gone through it before. They put a scope down his throat to check his vocal cords. 

“I was afraid of this,” his doctor said. “Bruised vocal chords. The tour is just too much strain right now. I’m recommending vocal rest, no talking, not even humming. I know it’s gonna be hard, but it’s this or another surgery, possibly the end of your career.”

Justin’s heart sank. “I get it. I’d rather postpone dates than cancel the whole tour. Fans will be disappointed, but it’s for a good reason.”

“This starts immediately, for at least 2 months. Well check in 6 weeks, but we’re looking at around 8-10 on the safe side, IF you follow orders,” his doctor continued. 

“I hate to say it, but no alcohol.  No coffee, tea is fine, I see you had some already. What’s with the pickles?” his vocal trainer asked. 

“A recommendation I got. Worth trying.”

“Vocal rest and lots of liquids is best. Sorry Justin, but that’s where we’re at,” his doctor said.  “I’ll contact Johnny, he’ll put out a statement and figure out dates. Postponed is better than canceled and done for good, so stick to the plan. I’ll send over more notes as far as foods, drinks, etc. that won’t hurt your progress.”

Justin nodded, silently thanking them. He closed the door as they left, going back to the couch. He didn’t want to move. 

Well, fuck, he thought. 

…

Deana got home from work, popped dinner in the microwave, and plopped down on her couch to watch some TV. She ate dinner while checking her phone. It buzzed and a notification popped up at the top. 

I’m picking you up at 9, you better be ready. Love you. Dani

I’ll be ready, don’t worry, she replied. 

She watched a little more TV, starting to get ready at 8. Nothing overly dramatic, she’d worn a simple graphic tee the night she’d met Paul. She went with a purple short sleeved shirt, a light grey long sleeved shrug, dark wash jeans and black ballet flats. Simple makeup, eyeliner and mascara, and a lot of mousse in her hair to give her hair more curl and less wave. She felt she needed more than most people, but was pleased with the look. 

She sprayed a little of Victoria’s Secret Angel perfume, her favorite scent. Danielle buzzed her to announce she was there. Deana made her way downstairs, only needing her wallet, phone and keys.

“You look great D, you won’t regret coming out tonight.”

 

“We’ll see,” Deana said. 

They got to the bar, friends welcoming her back as if no time had passed. Deana settled in, content to just sit back and listen on her first night back. She sipped her drink of choice, a Midori sour, then ordered a Mai Tai. It was one of the few places she knew that made it the way she liked it, the fruitier the better. 

She sang along quietly as her friends went up to sing.  She cheered for each of them before and after their songs. Danielle got up and sang, cheering loudest for her best friend. 

“Now we just need to get you to sing,” Danielle said as she came back from her turn on the mic. 

“Oh no, I’m just here to listen tonight, I haven’t done this in a while…”

That’s what you think, Danielle smiled to herself. 

…

Justin hadn’t left the couch in what felt like hours.  He didn’t feel like doing anything, the next two months were going to be torture. He decided he needed to eat something, and knew just what he needed. 

He got up, and headed to the counter. 

I’ll try this, then head down to get food.  He opened the jar of pickles, feeling strange putting the jar to his lips. The juice hit his throat and stung a little, like a salt water gargle with an extra kick. He found himself enjoying it more than he thought he would. It had seemed odd at first, but having tried it, he would continue and see if it helped. 

He put on a jacket and a Yankees baseball cap before heading downstairs. He walked around a bit, enjoying that he could do so fairly freely compared to LA.  He walked slowly, enjoying being out, feeling somewhat normal. He eventually arrived at a small Chinese restaurant, sitting down at a small corner table. They gave him green tea as he sat down. He pointed to the hot and sour soup, and was brought a large bowl within minutes. The warmth of the soup warmed him, it felt comforting. It was just what he needed, not even bothering with the tea. He couldn’t use sugar and there was no way he could ask for honey without feeling awkward. He ordered a second bowl, savoring each spoonful. 

He left once he finished and paid the bill. He continued to walk, not really wanting to go home yet and be reminded of everything. He turned a corner and heard music. He walked closer, seeing a small sports bar. The sign out front said “Tuesday is Karaoke Night!”  He smiled and silently laughed to himself, then listened closer. The voice he heard was something he hadn’t heard in a while. This wasn’t your typical drunk stumbling through a song. This voice was powerful and passionate. He had to hear more. 

…

Deana was now 3 drinks in, feeling less inhibited. “I miss this,” she said, swinging her arm wide, almost hitting a friend in the face.  “I miss the people, hearing everyone sing…”

Danielle laughed. “Glad I brought you out then. Just don’t hate me…”

“Why would I hate you? You’re my best friend?”

She quickly had her answer. The DJ announced, “making a return to our karaoke stage, welcome back Deana!”

“No! You didn’t!” she said, hitting Danielle. 

“Go on up, they all want to hear you.”

“I don’t know what to sing…”

“I already picked one for you. One of my favorites you do.”

Deana walked up to the podium, taking the mic. She felt nervous, despite having done this every week for over a year.  The bar cheered as she stood there. The music started and she had very little time to prepare herself for her first note. Once she heard the introduction, it was like a switch flicked inside of her, and she went from nervous to belting it out. 

“There’s a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch, and it’s bringing me out the dark”

It was as if no time had passed. She sang with passion and control, the song taking on new meaning after finding herself single again. She channeled all the pain she’d been feeling, pushing back to the edge of her mind, into something so powerful, it surprised even her. 

…

“We could have had it all, rolling in the deep.  You had my heart inside of your hand, and you played it, with a beating”. 

The crowd clapped as the song broke down to the rhythm, Deana clapping her hand against the microphone in her hand. 

Justin stood outside listening at first, not believing what he was hearing. She sounds almost just like Adele, but the real deal wouldn’t sing her own songs for karaoke. I may not be able to sing right now, but she’s making up for it. 

He slowly walked into the bar, trying not to be recognized. He popped the collar of his jacket up, covering his mouth and neck. 

By the time he got through the crowd to a place where he could see, the song was over and she rushed offstage. 

“Ok, you got me out here, I sang one song, but that’s it.  I’ll come back again, it was fun, but it needs to be on my terms. I know I needed that push, but please don’t do that again,” she said to Danielle. 

“So you’re not mad at me?” Danielle asked hopefully. 

“No. You’re my best friend, you meant well, just trying to get me out of my funk.”

“Last night was a funk buster, too. We haven’t had that much fun in a while.”

“Cause you’ve been with my brother.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll try to make more time for us.  It’s just been REALLY good with him lately…”

“Again, I don’t need a glimpse into your sex life when my brother is involved…”

Justin approached the bartender, pulling out his phone to type. 

Send the girl that just sang another round of whatever she’s having. She sounded amazing.

“Got a name, stranger?”

He shook his head. Just a secret admirer. 

He got a water and sat in the back, hoping she would get back on stage again. He enjoyed the rest of the night, but no one else sang like she did. 

I have to find out who she is, he thought to himself.

“Drink for you from a secret admirer. Said you sounded amazing,” said the bartender. She sipped the Midori sour, blushing that someone bought her a drink. 

“And you didn’t think you’d meet someone.  To your secret admirer, may they not be so secret very soon,” Danielle said, raising her glass, clinking with the one in Deana’s hand. 

The night wound down, people were leaving ahead of last call. 

“Alright everyone, next week come for more karaoke and we’re having a costume contest for an early Halloween night!”

Perfect, Justin thought. I can come back, hear her sing, and be able to blend in and not make a scene.

He walked home, thinking of her. What she might look like, how overwhelming he found her voice. She was like a siren, drawing him in with her song. He could only imagine how beautiful she was to match her beautiful voice. 

…

Danielle and Deana walked out of the bar, heading for their apartment. “Well, this was a success,” Danielle said. 

“I meant to tell you, guess who came by my work today…”

“Wait, you’re just telling me this NOW?!” Danielle yelled. 

“It slipped my mind, what with getting ready for karaoke and then actually being there.”

“So what happened??”

“I was on bar making drinks. I put one up and next thing I know I look up and there he is like 2 feet from me.  I talked to him, oh I think I died a little.  But in the BEST way.”

“What did he order? What did you talk about?”

“He got some tea with honey. His voice sounded a little rough, probably just a cold or something. I told him he did a great job last night, and I gave him my pickle remedy.”

“That sounds so gross…” Danielle shivered. 

“Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it… But that was it.” 

“Think he’ll come in more since he’s here for the next show?” she asked. 

“I hope so. I’m off tomorrow, I guess today since it’s after midnight.  The next show is tomorrow already, so maybe not.”

“Oh right, Wednesdays are your observation days.  I love that you and Ms. S. are still so close. Watching our first grade teacher for your classes.”

“She’s close with all her students, if they reach out.  She’s my favorite teacher, one of the reasons I want to BECOME a teacher.  I have so many great memories from her class, my parents still have the big projects we did, the different books.  You’re still my best friend, Dani, but you don’t keep the boys away anymore…”

“Can I help it if I had a glow up?” Danielle laughed.

“Um, I hope EVERYONE has had a glow up since first grade…” Deana laughed in reply.  “I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get to where things are now.”

“Hey, you did what you had to do back then, you’re doing it now, it’s not like you gave up the dream for good.  Starbucks is paying for you to get this degree.  I know you’ve come to love it there, but it’s not what you were BORN to do.  Teaching is.”

“This is why you’re still my best friend…” Deana said, hugging Danielle as they walked.

 

They got up to the apartment, Deana feeling good about how her day had turned out, compared to how she thought it would.  She fell asleep, excited for the next day.

Deana was startled awake when Danielle opened her bedroom door.  “What’s wrong?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

“Check your email…”

“OK…” she grabbed her phone.  “I have an email from Ticketmaster about the show tonight…  Woah…”

“That sore throat he had is full on bruised vocal chords.  The tour is postponed for at LEAST 2 months.  No show tonight D, sorry.  I wonder if he’ll stay here in NYC while he recovers.  Maybe you’ll get to see him some more after all…”

“Yeah, like I could get Justin Timberlake…  I’m 35, a size 22, no one’s idea of a celebrity’s girlfriend.”

“Where is that confidence, D?”

“Paul took what little I had when he left.”

“No.  It’s there inside you somewhere.”

“As much as Paul made me feel great about myself, it’s a double edged sword. He saw that I had low self esteem that he could get what he wanted by paying attention to me. That’s his MO, sleep with all these women with low self esteem. Did he help me find things to like about myself? Yeah. But it’s complicated because he took advantage of my self esteem and got me hooked.”

“Just take those things and go with it. What was one of the things?” Danielle asked. 

“Well, I guess my boobs and hips, two things I’ve been critical of on myself.”

“How so?” Danielle asked. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it. I knew he found them sexy, while I wish I could change them.”

“Pretty sure I speak for most guys that boobs and hips and ass are what gets their attention.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got plenty of both and no ones banging down my door…”

“Because you don’t FLAUNT them, there’s no confidence behind it. I admit you did seem more confident when you were with Paul, even if it was a false confidence. You have to believe you ARE sexy, not just because one guy thinks so, but because YOU think so. What are you going as for Halloween?”

“Well, it’s a Wednesday, so something kid friendly for my observation day. I was thinking something like Miss Frizzle, a cool patterned dress I have.”

“That goes for at karaoke, too?”

Deana nodded. 

“Honey, let me find something PERFECT for you for karaoke, please?  Unless you’re going as a SEXY teacher, no one will be looking at you. “

Deana sighed in defeat. “You’re not gonna let this go til I say yes, so I might as well…”

“You won’t regret it.  Alright missy, get going to your observation, say hi to Ms. S. for me.”

Danielle left as Deana started to get ready. Since she was just observing, she could wear jeans and a t-shirt and be fine.  She pulled her hair into a half ponytail, the lower half of her hair in loose wavy curls.  She’d gotten to know the kids, and was feeling comfortable helping out in various ways.  She’d had to do this before for other classes she’d taken, but had never felt ready so early in the school year.  

The school was a 20 minute walk.  While it wasn’t the school she had gone to, being able to work with her favorite teacher was a bit of a dream come true for Deana.  School had already started, she always came at the end of their first recess.  She checked in at the office, put on a visitor’s badge, and walked to the classroom.

“Good morning Miss Deana,” the kids greeted her as she walked in the room.  She sat in a chair towards the back of the carpet.  Since they were first graders, they already knew their letters and sounds, and were working on blending the sounds in word families.  They pronounced the sounds of each individual letter, then said the sounds all together to form the word.  Ms. S. would call on a student and change the first or last letter of the word to see if they could hear the new word and recognize it by its sounds.  Then they broke into reading groups.

Deana felt comfortable enough to help take the higher level readers, leaving Ms. S. to help those still learning to read. They were reading books she remembered reading in school, it felt familiar and yet odd to be on the other end of things all those years later.  If a student got stuck on a word or pronounced it incorrectly, Deana would gently interject to correct the word, helping them see it on the page and hear it out loud.  

Next, they gathered back on the carpet and read a story for Halloween.  Deana helped students sit up and pay attention to the story, instead of talking or lying down on the carpet.  After the story, they talked about different things they saw in the book.  They moved to their desks, and Ms. S. wrote the words on the white board for them in her big, beautiful printing.  Deana passed out paper that had the sentence starter “When I think of Halloween, I think of…”.  The students were then able to write whatever they wanted as long as it was on topic and appropriate.  “Remember,” Ms. S. started, “we don’t talk about weapons at school, so if your costume is a superhero or something with a weapon, leave that part out.”

The students got out their pencils, erasers, and a small green book.  The book had different words in them, sorted alphabetically, to help them spell words they didn’t know.  It came with a list of high frequency words for each letter, and left a couple pages for adding more.  If students needed a word, including the ones on the board, Deana or Ms. S. would write it in their book for them to copy.  She wished she could remember if such a book was around when she was in first grade, but she had always been a good speller, so she might not have needed it.  

Just like that, it was time for lunch, and for Deana to go home.  The kids all said goodbye as they lined up for lunch, Deana walking them to the cafeteria before she stopped at the office to check out.  She always wished she could stay longer, but she used the rest of the day to work on homework and some chores around the apartment.  

She would always stop by her store before going home, getting a sandwich and iced tea or lemonade.  

“I’ll never understand why you don’t change your schedule to do even a half on Wednesdays, or even a closing shift,” said a coworker.

“To give me time during the week to get homework done before my weekend day off,” she replied.

“Even if you open, you’re off in plenty of time to spread it throughout the week.  You know they’d give you a full weekend off if you switched.  Besides, we’re losing someone that works Wednesdays in a couple weeks.  We NEED you here.  You could come in around this time, wouldn’t have to give up your observation time…”

“She’s right,” said another voice.  Her store manager stepped out from the office.  “I don’t condone gossip, but it would really help us out if you’d come in on Wednesdays, starting in two weeks.  I know next week is Halloween and it’ll be crazy at the school, so if you could start the week after that, it would really help us out.  It wouldn’t be a full shift, but it would allow me to shift things around and give you weekends off.  Danielle is saying she keeps trying to get you to get out more…”

“Well, if you really need me…” Deana sighed.

“We do.  At least for a while.  Hopefully it’s temporary and we get someone else, but for now, we need to shift things around.  I don’t want you losing hours.”

Deana got her order and went home, trying to enjoy it before starting on reading and homework. She only took two classes at a time to keep herself from stressing out. They had just finished midterms, so that was behind her now. She had started prepping for her final papers, doing research and getting outlines ready. 

Danielle would tell her it was far too early for that, but she would counter with feeling bad about not staying as soon as she got the assignment. Getting an early start meant she wouldn’t have to hole up in her room close to the due date. She liked to be prepared, she hated surprises. 

…

Justin woke up from a dream about his mystery woman, the voice ringing clearly through his head, in his dream and after walking up. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time, and didn’t even know who was making him feel that way. 

He suddenly remembered he was on vocal rest, feeling his spirits drop a bit. Hearing her voice reminded him of being on stage, something he wasn’t going to get to do that night. 

I’ll see her around Halloween, I need the perfect costume. He walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I could shave, throw people off. They’ve been used to the beard look that they won’t expect me to shave just for a costume. I’ll do it the day of, so people will have seen me with the beard in the morning. Maybe a mask to cover my face? 

He took out his phone and searched for men’s Halloween costumes with masks. He scrolled through various pictures until he saw the perfect costume. I can be Batman!  That settles it.  He placed an order through Amazon Prime, next day shipping. I’ll be her hero, if she needs one. 

He’d decided not to venture out for the day, ordering in for lunch and dinner. He smacked on pickles, having more of the juice. He was starting to get used to it, thinking of Michele. 

 

He watched movies, napping throughout the day, realizing how boring this all was with no music to work on. Sure, he could work on lyrics, maybe the music and instrumentation, but not being able to sing made the rest of it seem meaningless.  These next two months are going to be MISERABLE, he huffed internally. 

It was Tuesday night, Danielle would be coming over soon to help do hair and makeup for whatever costume she’d picked out for her. Deana’s stomach was in knots, afraid of what she’d be forced to wear. She hoped Dani would pick something fun, but was afraid it would be super sexy. 

She had a light dinner, when Dani buzzed to announce she was coming up. She had a key, but they had a code to buzz in case one of them needed privacy. Deana hadn’t needed to buzz in reply in months, and Dani would go over to Jonathan’s for that kinda thing. The less she thought about that, the better.

Danielle opened the door and Deana sighed. “Of COURSE you’re a sexy nurse…” she said. 

“Well, when your brother decided to be a doctor, it did help me decide to get into medicine.”

“You two did like playing doctor when we were kids…” Deana sighed. 

“Still do,” Dani laughed. 

“Ew, that’s my brother…” Deana tried not to throw up. 

They went into the bathroom, Deana sitting on the closed toilet lid so Dani could do hair and makeup. Her hair was pinned half up, the parts hanging down straightened. She did eyeliner, mascara, and a bright red lip, with a little blush. 

“I feel like I look like a hooker,” Deana said, looking at herself in the mirror.

“Ready for your costume?” Dani asked. 

“Not really but I don’t have much say. It’s this or don’t go.”

“Your mystery man could be back this week, send you another drink…” Dani reminded her. 

“If he does, I’m getting his number. Happy?”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, but yes. I just want YOU to be happy. I have a feeling after tonight you’ll get a BUNCH of phone numbers…”

Dani handed Deana a brown paper bag. Deana slowly pulled out the costume. Her eyes went wide and her face was a mix of white and blushing cheeks. “You didn’t…”

“Just put it on and thank me later.”

She put on the costume, definitely uncomfortable with what she was given. “Really? This is what you chose for me?”

“I also bought you some quality handcuffs, you know, in case you ever need them…”

She was in a sexy cop costume, complete with hat, badge, and handcuffs. “You are KILLING IT in those fishnets...”

“Dani, this isn’t me…”

“Exactly. Hopefully this gives you some confidence. Shows off your boobs, your ass, hips, and thighs. Guys will be drooling over you.”

“No, they’ll be drooling over YOU, the hot, thin, sexy nurse…” Deana said. 

“Jonathan will be there tonight, no one will come near me.”

“Ugh, I don’t want my brother seeing me like this. I’m sure he’ll feel the same way.”

“Hopefully you’ll be distracted by a guy. He’ll have me to look at anyways.”

“I know how this is gonna end. He’ll show up, take one look at you, and you’ll ditch me to go back to his place…”

“Hopefully you’ll be going home with someone, too.”

“Wait long enough to see if my mystery man shows up and I get his number.”

“You’re seeming confident that it’ll happen…”

“I like to think of it as cautiously optimistic, but it would be nice to meet a guy.”

“Well then, let’s finish up and head on over…”

They got jackets on and started their walk to the bar. Dani got looks from men passing by, but that was nothing new. Deana, however, was unsettled by how many men seemed to be looking at HER. She could swear she even heard one say “you can arrest me any time” as they walked past. She couldn’t decide whether it was empowering or disgusting to be getting so much attention. 

The bar was somewhat empty, the DJ was finishing setting up, music playing on the system until it was time to start. They grabbed their normal seats at a table near the front. Deana felt a nervous excitement about what would happen that night. 

…

He stood in his bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. 

Is this worth it, for someone I haven’t even met? That voice still haunts me, I HAVE to see if she’s there tonight. As for the beard, I’ll have plenty of downtime to grow it back. I won’t do a clean shave, leave a light stubble, like a 5 o’clock shadow look. That feels pretty Dark Knight.  

He took his electric razor in his hand. Alright, here goes nothing…. He carefully trimmed his beard, surprised at how much there was in the sink. He did a rough trim just to get the bulk of it off, then worked on refining it to the right length for the look he wanted. Not a clean shave to give him a baby face, just enough stubble to give a more rugged look than his full beard gave him. 

He suddenly looked up at himself. What’s my plan when I actually see her on stage? Fuck, I haven’t done this in a while… I’ve gotten laid, sure, but I haven’t felt like this in years. Not since Jess.  I messed that up, but this is different. God, I’m this wound up by a face I haven’t even seen. I don’t even know her name and she’s been all I could think about all week. I’ll buy her a drink. Do I give it to her myself, or repeat last week and have it sent over?  Yeah, I’ll send it over, see what she does. By the end of the night I’ll approach her though. Fuck, how do I talk to her? Text? That’s one way to get her number, keep in contact with her. It’s almost time, better finish getting dressed. 

He put on the costume itself, the padding accentuating his muscled physique. The mask was the final touch, hopefully enough to throw off anyone from recognizing him. He headed downstairs and towards the bar. He’d walked past it a couple times in the past week to make sure he could get there again without getting lost. 

As he walked in, the bar was pretty full, a few seats open at the bar itself, rather away from the stage. Justin sat at a stool, just ordering water. Any other night and it would’ve been a one-two gut punch, no singing and no drinking, but it was worth it to see what she looked like, to hear her voice again.

…

Deana stayed under her jacket as long as she could inside the bar.  It wasn’t until she felt like she was starting to be too warm that she reluctantly took it off, resting it on the back of the chair.  She got up, walking through the crowd, and got slips to put in her song choices.  She grabbed three, knowing she’d need a LOT to drink with this costume, but also knew she’d want to sing more once she’d started to imbibe and lose her inhibitions a bit.  She’d never gotten too crazy when out drinking, but it definitely relaxed her.  She sat back down to fill out her slips, returned them to the DJ, then walked to the bar to order her first drink.

Justin tried not to look directly at anyone in the bar, even with shaving his face and wearing a mask.  He watched out of the corner of his eye at the crowd; the costumes, and friends having fun.  He wished he could have a bit of that, especially now.  They wouldn’t want to go to a place like this, for some of them it was a chance to see and be seen whenever they hung out.  It would’ve blown his cover for sure.

He listened as people started to sing, hoping each time a woman got up that it would be her.  I doubt she’ll sing the same song, but I know that voice, the tone, that richness of it, full bodied.  Like she’d lived it and written the song herself, the passion behind the words.

“Welcome Deana to the stage everyone!” the DJ announced, Deana stepping up to take the mic.  She started with the vocals that came before the music started.  

It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M.  Just put your paws up, cuz baby you were born this way.

The crowd cheered and started dancing as the music pulsed.  Justin’s ears perked up a bit as she started the first verse.  This was it, this was her, it had to be.  As if he was actually having alcohol, he slammed down what was left in his glass, “ordering” another, and requesting to send a drink to her after she finished her song, before looking to see the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about all week.  He slowly turned on his stool, standing to get a better look.

 

Wow, was all he could think.  

This woman.  I knew her voice was unforgettable, now I know the rest of her is, too.  She’s exuding confidence up there, even if she wasn’t in a sexy costume.  Which, DAMN, she’s killing it.  Those fishnets showing off those long legs, the skirt stopping just above that ass… The top open enough to see amazing breasts.  She knew what she was doing tonight, she had to.  Her name, Deana.  Beautiful, just like her.  I NEED to talk to her, somehow.  She’ll get my drink soon, we’ll see what happens next, I guess.  This would be SO much easier if I could talk.  But if I could, I’d be on tour and have no clue who this woman is.  I guess this is the universe’s way of showing me something I need right now.  Take one thing away, and give me something I didn't even know I needed until last week.

Deana sang, this was a difficult one at times, but one of her favorites.  I feel so confident when I sing, especially Lady Gaga.  I love how the crowd gets into the song, dancing along like we’re at a club.  I have a couple other ones lined up for the night, I’m keeping this good feeling going.  And sending a big middle finger to all the guys I’ve loved and lost.

She finished the song, going back to her seat, and finding a fresh drink at her spot.  “From your mystery man,” Dani said, almost purring.  “This could be it, D.  You HAVE to find out who he is, if he’s a regular here.”  

Deana nodded and headed to the end of the bar.  She asked one of the bartenders who sent her the drink.  “Batman at the other end of the bar,” they replied, shaking their head in Justin’s direction.  

She slowly walked towards him.  He watched in the corner of his eye, a smile slowly creeping across his face.  This is it, they thought to themselves before making contact.

“So, I hear you’re the one buying me drinks?” she asked.  He nodded.  “You like my singing, right?”  He nodded.  “Do you talk?” He shook his head, miming being sick with a pretend cough and pointing to his throat.  

“Oh, I see, not feeling good.  I get that.  This is gonna sound forward, I’m not usually like this, but can I get your number?  I kinda promised my friend I’d get the number of whoever is buying me drinks.”  He pulled out his phone, signaling wanting her number.  She gave him her number, and soon her phone buzzed. 

Hi.  Now you have my number :) 

“Can I get a picture for your contact info? Some picture, a cop and Batman,” she laughed.  She was nervous, but this was exciting.  She hadn’t flirted like this with a stranger since Paul.  He nodded, she got close and took a selfie of them.

What am I listed under? He asked her.

Bruce Wayne, she replied.  He smiled and nodded in approval.  Sorry your throat hurts.  I think there’s something going around, hopefully it’s just for a few days.  

We’ll see, my doctor said it could be a while.

Yeah, my mentor teacher had that last year. A super bad cold that she lost her voice for at least a month. 

You’re a teacher?

Studying to be. Just taking classes for now, going into the classroom with my first grade teacher to learn from the best.

Deana sipped her drink as they texted. She smiled, it was so much easier this way, the conversation was flowing like they were old friends. She snuck glances of him as he texted. There was something familiar that she couldn’t quite place. 

She was called back up to the mic for her next song. Justin already was on ordering a celebratory drink for when she came back. She chose “Bad Romance” as her second song. The crowd cheered as she sang, Justin continued to be impressed. He handed her a drink as she walked back. She took it, took a sip, and her phone buzzed. 

How’s it going with the mystery man?  Dani asked. 

Deana sent her the picture she’d taken as his contact picture. We’ve been texting.

Texting? He’s standing right in front of you!

He has a cold, sore throat, so we’re texting. 

Alright, I’ll leave you to it then. Have fun, I’m gonna head out. Maybe he can walk you home :)

“Sorry, my best friend checking up on me,” Deana said. 

No problem. Have you been doing karaoke for long?

“Kinda? Dani brought me almost two years ago, we’d go every week, then I stopped for a while.” 

Why’d you stop?

“It got too painful after a breakup. I met him here. He stopped coming so I figured it was safe to come back, at Dani’s insistence. I’m glad I did.” 

I’m glad you did, too.

“What about you, are you here a lot?”

No. I mean, I live here part of the time, but this is my second week at karaoke. Honestly, your voice last week caught my attention. 

“So you came JUST to hear me sing?”  She looked at him with wide eyes. He nodded with a  smile on his face. 

I haven’t heard singing like that in a while, and I’m in the business…

Fuck, he thought to himself.  Had he just given part of him away?

“Oh, what do you do?” she wondered. 

This and that. Music, concerts. 

“Like, you’re crew?”

Something like that. 

I help put them together, the creative side of things.  It wasn’t technically a lie. 

“That sounds very interesting. I’d love to hear about some of the tours you’ve done.” 

Any time. The one I’m on is on break right now, so I’ll be around for a while. Anyway, I was walking past last week and heard you sing, but you were done by the time I got in where I could see you. I knew I had to come back this week and hear you again. Honestly, you’re good, very adaptable. Last week you sounded like Adele, this week you’re Lady Gaga. Anyone can sing their songs, but you SING like them. 

Deana blushed. “Thanks, just a hobby.” 

They both straightened up a bit as the DJ changed the song. “He’ll play music sometimes just so people can dance, have fun,” Deana explained. “I LOVE this song! I just saw him do this live last week, it was AMAZING…”

Justin was all too familiar as “Can’t Stop The Feeling” came on through the speakers. 

Go dance, he told her. 

“Only if you come with me.”

He felt a little awkward, but nodded, and she grabbed his hand and walked him away from the bar. It was hard for him not to go into choreography mode, to just relax. He enjoyed watching her dance, pulling her close to him. Probably closer than he should have for just meeting. He looked into her eyes, they sparkled in the dimly lit room, catching the random glint of lights from the DJ. 

He watched in amazement as she did his choreography from the tour, and slipped into that with her. 

“You a fan of JT?” she asked. “To know the choreography.”

He pulled out his phone. Something like that. It was hard for him not to laugh at the whole thing. 

The night went on, she sang one more song, which meant one more drink. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to get me drunk,” she laughed. He shook his head. 

“It’s getting late, and my friend ditched me. Would you walk me home? Not exactly safe, dressed like this, to walk alone.”  He nodded, a soft smile on his face. She grabbed her jacket and they left the bar for her apartment. She walked closely to him. 

“Can I hold your hand, so we look like we’re together? It’ll be safer that way. Not that it’s super dangerous around here, but you know,” she said. He put his arm around her shoulder, giving her a smile. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked, sighing contentedly. 

“Well, this is me. I’d ask you up, but I’m not THAT kind of girl, even though I’m sure Dani wished I was more often.  It’s complicated. Sorry.”

He pulled out his phone. No need to apologize. I had a nice time, I got to hear you sing and actually meet you. If you hadn’t asked for my number, I would’ve asked for yours. 

“Technically, you did when you got your phone out. Thanks for escorting me home.”

I’m ok with making it a weekly thing, if you need it.

“Hug goodbye?” she asked. He nodded, pulling her close. She sighed happily, he smiled as he held her. 

“I had a great time tonight, we can text. I’m sure you’re busy during the week with things, so I’ll for sure see you next week. Same spot at the bar?”

He nodded. I had fun, too. Glad I walked by last week. I’ll see you next week, I can’t wait to walk you home again. 

She searched for any reason to stay and talk, or invite him up without an assumption of anything physical. As much as she thought she liked him, they had only just met. She hadn’t been with anyone since the breakup, but she knew she didn’t want heartbreak again. Would she actually see him again if she moved so fast? Was he actually interested in her that way?  She’d always equated any attention from a man as them being interested, only to be shot down. She wasn't ready for that kind of rejection, even from a stranger. 

He wanted to kiss her, but remembered her saying she’d just gotten out of a relationship. She’d already made going up to her place, even just to talk, out of the question. He understood, it had been a while himself. He had the foreseeable future to get to know her beyond her exterior. He found her captivating, in spite of everything she thought about herself and the type of girl he’d fallen for until now. Maybe this is what I need, something I didn’t expect, he thought to himself. 

She slowly, hesitatingly, unlocked the front door, waving with a smile before closing the door and going up to her place. Once she opened her apartment door, she walked to the window, thankful she had a window facing the street. She opened the window enough to poke her head out, and saw him still standing there. She waved again to him. He smiled before walking away towards his place. 

She went into her bedroom, flopped onto her full sized mattress, and sighed. She had so many thoughts and emotions going through her head. Did he like her as more than a friend? He’d come just to see her, that had to mean something. He’d confessed they would have exchanged numbers no matter what, but what did that mean? She had given her number to plenty of people over the years, but did that mean there was anything beyond friendship?

I should have just kissed him at least, she thought. But what if he just liked my voice and that was it? Once he saw the rest of me was like ‘nope’.  How many times have I told a guy that’s become my best friend that I like him, only to get turned down?  I’ve only had one guy friend like me back, the rest were all clearly interested, for whatever reason. Heh. I say that like I’ve had a lot of relationships. Since high school I’ve had what, 4 boyfriends?  Each one lasted for  over a year, but there were long stretches of nothing in between. Why should Bruce Wayne here be any different? 

She got ready for bed, going back and forth over things in her head. She decided that she’d had a good time, made a new friend, and would see where things went. If he made any move, that would tell her what she needed to know. He would be a secret crush until she knew for sure he liked her back. 

…

 

He walked back to his place, thinking about her.  Should I have kissed her?  I mean, I wanted to, definitely.  I don’t think she’s ready for anything right now, otherwise she could have prefaced going up to her place with ‘we’re just going to talk’.  Not that I can actually TALK right now.  I’ll be her friend, see what happens.  If she makes a move, I’ll know she’s interested.  I just hope it’s soon.

She woke up the next morning, and there was a text from Danielle.  I want ALL the details from last night…  Deana laughed to herself.  Not much to tell, not the way Dani wanted, anyway.  She’d text her later in the day.  She got dressed and ready to go to the school.  She’d decided to just wear an orange t-shirt with a jack o lantern face on it that she’d bought just in case she couldn’t find a costume.  It’s not MY class, so I shouldn’t be in costume.  I’m just there to help out, she thought.  She did a little extra eye makeup, pulling her hair in pigtails at the base of her neck, her hair staying behind her back.  

When she walked into the classroom, she could almost literally feel their excitement.  She read them a Halloween book, and they would do a costume parade for the parents before lunch.  

“I’m glad you were here this morning,” Ms. S. said.  “I know I have parents coming to get their lunch party ready, but it’s not someone to help read a book, keep them calm, and help with the parade.”

“I’m here as long as you need today, I’m sure it’ll be crazy,” Deana answered.

They did some songs, a couple Halloween themed color by number pages, and then it was time for the parade.  The parents left the room to get spots for the parade, others joining their husbands that were saving spots.  The main parent part of the parade would be in the cafeteria, the kids walking across the stage, then back to their classrooms.  Younger kids went first, walking past the big kid classrooms before going to the cafeteria.  Then they would switch, the older kids parading by the younger classrooms before going to the cafeteria.  Deana took up the end of their line, Ms. S. leading the way past the classrooms.  Deana helped keep the line moving so no one lagged behind.  She’d had similar memories when she was in first grade, though she couldn’t for the life of her remember what her costume was. 

They entered the cafeteria through a door towards the stage, going up a few stairs onto the stage.  This is where things got tricky.  Kids stopped to try and see their parents, or suddenly got scared at all the people watching.  Deana helped move them along, reminding the children their parents would meet them back at the classroom after the parade for their party.  That helped, and soon they were back in the classroom, waiting for parents.  Some had rushed back once they left the cafeteria so things would be ready when they got back.  Plates, napkins, and cups were on each desk, the counters and back table had food and snacks ready.  Once more parents arrived and took pictures, the kids were given permission to eat.  Parents served slices of pizza, passed out cookies and healthy snacks like fruit or string cheese sticks.  

“Grab a plate, Miss Deana, there’s enough for you and Ms. S. too,” one of the parents offered.  There was something special on the counter, drinks from Starbucks for both of them.  “We figured you’d need a little pick me up to get through the day,” they laughed.  This meant Deana wouldn’t need to go past her work on the way home, giving her a little more time to herself before doing schoolwork.    

“Deana, get some food and then you can go. Between the parents and the 5th graders coming in later, we’ll be good. Thank you for staying and helping with the parade.”

Deana smiled, got a plate of food, her Starbucks drink, and headed home. The parents had stapled another plate on top so nothing would fall out, and there were plastic bags from the party supplies that she could carry it home easier. 

Her phone buzzed. Figuring it was Dani asking about last night, she left it until she got home. She pulled out her phone and saw it wasn’t from Dani, it was Bruce Wayne. 

Hi. How’s your day going? I was gonna grab some lunch, I could bring something to your place. 

Was this a move? she wondered to herself. No, Deana, stop assuming any little thing is a sign of even the slightest affection. 

It’s been a little hectic. Was at the school today and helped with Halloween stuff. They sent me home with food, but I could have it for dinner I guess. You can come drop it off, not comfortable with having anyone in my place. I’ll explain later, I promise. 

That’s fine.  Do you like Chinese? he asked. 

Um, I LIVE in Chinatown, I better have some appreciation for it. Though that’s not why I picked this location. Another conversation for another time. Wednesdays are my school stuff day, or at least they were. I’m picking up Wednesday shifts starting next week. 

Whenever you wanna talk, I’m here. He meant it, he had plenty of time at this point. I’ll be over with food soon. 

Ring three times, I’ll buzz you in. I’m in 302. 

Justin smiled to himself. At least I get to come up to her apartment door. A step in the right direction, he thought. He put on sunglasses, a light hoodie, and a baseball hat. After last night I know she’s a fan. As much as I like her, I need to hide it’s me for a bit too know she likes me for me. 

He headed out the door and down to his new favorite little hole in the wall restaurant. He picked up some hot and sour soup for himself, along with sweet and sour pork, broccoli beef, and lemon chicken for Deana. He ordered some potstickers and a small box of rice. 

He approached her building, having put her address in his phone the night before. He buzzed three times, and she buzzed to let him up. He climbed the stairs, suddenly aware of what made her legs pop. 

He knocked on her door, a slight smile on his face to avoid being too obvious with a big grin. 

Her eyes lit up as she opened the door, a smile spread across her face. “Thank you so much for offering to bring me food, I was prepped to eat pizza and cookies as my lunch until you sent that text.  Ooh, did you get the hot and sour soup? I LOVE that stuff when I’m not feeling well. You want a quick tour?”  

He nodded, and stepped inside as she moved away from the doorway. “Pretty basic, nothing fancy.  Living room/study, kitchen over here, down the hall is the guest bath, Dani’s room is the first door on the right, my room with bathroom is at the end.   Dani just crashes here from time to time now if my brother’s working or we’ve been hanging out.  They’ve been dating like 6 months or so, still getting used to it.”

He nodded his head, glad for any time spent with her. 

She sighed. “Come sit, I need to explain some things.”  They sat on her couch, room in between them in the middle. “I’m trying to set boundaries. I know, so far I’m doing a terrible job. The last time I brought a guy up to just hang out, we started making out and next thing I know I’m naked and crying after losing my virginity.”  Her eyes went wide at the realization of what all she’d just shared with him.  “Wow, that was a lot to tell someone I just met last night. I’m sorry.”

He pulled out his phone. It’s ok. I’m here to listen if it helps to talk about it.  

“If you’re sure.”  He nodded. “I didn’t plan on it happening. We’d been hanging out at karaoke, we’d make out and stuff at his place. He kept pushing me to go farther than I felt comfortable, and I’d been firm with it. Something about it being here, knowing Dani was gone for the weekend, he kept pushing until I gave in. I felt terrible after, that I’d let myself down. I hadn’t even slept with my ex fiancé, and I go and sleep with him. We tried to keep things casual, just sex, once I stopped feeling guilty, but you know how that works out. Turned out he was great about keeping it casual, he was sleeping with at least 4 other women.”

Justin’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Wow” he mouthed silently. I’m so sorry. Yeah, I’d be nervous on having a guy up here, too. I imagine there’s a bit of trauma with that. If you didn’t fully want it, that’s rape. Deana, I’m so sorry. 

“Yeah, I tried to make it work way longer than I should’ve. I kept seeing texts from other girls, pictures they’d send, one time actually coming into his place while he was with someone else.  He had me convinced that it was better than being single, he made me feel beautiful and sexy, manipulating me to get what he wanted. I bought his booze, cigarettes, while he crashed on friends’ couches.”

You deserved SO much better, you know that, right? You still do. 

“I know. I knew then, but being with someone was better than being alone.”

Justin exhaled deeply. I know the feeling. But don’t waste your time and your heart on someone that doesn’t deserve it. 

“I’d been single for 3 years before things happened with Paul. My fiancé broke my heart, I never thought I’d feel anything like that again. It was so lonely, so once I had something close to a relationship, I went with it. Fat lot of good it did me.”

They’re both idiots for hurting you like that. 

“You sound like Danielle,” Deana laughed. 

I’ll take that as a compliment. 

“The highest,” she replied. 

I’m glad you were so open with me. You could have been very closed off about it, giving me very little beyond a bad relationship. I’m glad you feel you can trust me. I’m ok with helping you keep that boundary. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

But Deana, when you DO find the right person, tell him like you told me. Hopefully someday you’ll find someone you feel comfortable letting inside. I’ll let you get to things, thank you for today. 

“Thank YOU for listening. Most guys would get scared away…”

I’m not most guys.  Talk to you soon. 

She stood up, Justin following her to the door. He was surprised to find her hugging him tightly, her head nestled into his chest, arms around him and her hands firmly on his back. It wasn’t a romantic type of hug, he could tell. He knew she wanted to cry. He patted her back, gently rubbing in circles. He lowered his head to touch the top of her head with his chin, holding her until she was ready to let go. 

He didn’t know how long he held her, nor did he care. He knew she needed him in this moment, that she was being so vulnerable with him. Not because of who he was, but merely because he cared and listened. Not WHO he was, but who he WAS, on the inside. He knew he had to continue hiding his true self a while more to fully gain her trust, not seem like he was taking advantage or using his celebrity for something. 

“Thank you,” she cried, her voice muffled as she continued to hold him. She slowly pulled back, wiping stray tears from her face. “I’ll talk to you soon.”  He nodded, she slowly opened the door, he stepped out into the hall, and she gently closed the door as he walked away. 

She leaned against the closed door, finally letting the stream of tears flow from her. She knew he would’ve let her cry if she wanted, but she still had walls up and wanted to appear stronger than she felt. 

She hadn’t talked about Paul with anyone but Danielle, certainly not any guy.  She collected herself before taking out her phone. She reread the texts he’d sent. How she wished she could hear his voice, know what he sounded like. They were the perfect opposites. He heard her before seeing her. She saw him, at least parts of his face, but still hasn’t heard his voice. Was it deep, the kind that rumbles in his chest? Was it soft?  Was it more high pitched? She thought to a man she’d gone on a couple dates with, his voice reminded her of Mickey Mouse on helium, and how she’d felt put off by his high voice and hair longer than hers. She didn’t think that was this man, but could only imagine until she heard him speak. 

 

She ate the food he brought over before it was cold.  It seemed to taste different, better than she remembered it.  Was it just the food, or was it because HE brought it for her?  She called Danielle. “Hey, sorry I didn’t answer you earlier, it’s been crazy. You might wanna come over, I have a LOT to tell you.”

Deana got a little reading done before she heard Danielle lay on the buzzer before coming in.  Danielle ran up the stairs, throwing the door open and panting “Tell...me... EVERYTHING!!!”

They sat on the couch, and Deana started at the beginning.  How he bought her drinks after each time she sang, how he heard her voice the week prior and had to come back to see what she looked like.  How he walked her home, how they had a lingering hug at the front door.

“Then, today…” Deana started.

“Wait, he spent the night?  Go D!”

“No.  He went home.  I told him I wasn’t like that, not even to talk. He was really great about it, actually.  I was on my way home for Ms. S. when he texted asking if I wanted lunch.  I said he could drop it off so I could study.  That CLEARLY isn’t happening, at least not for today.  He buzzed, I let him come up.  At first, it was just to drop off.  Once I saw him at the door, I knew I needed to tell him about Paul.  Why I can’t have him up here alone, not even to talk.  Well, beyond today.”

“And??” she asked excitedly.

“It was like I was talking to you.  I told him everything.  How he took advantage of me, guilted me into sleeping with him, then how I thought sleeping with someone like Paul was better than being alone.  He told me I deserve better.  Here, look at the texts he sent me as we talked.”  She handed Danielle her phone.  

Danielle’s eyes widened, yet softened, reading what he wrote.  “Damn right it’s the highest compliment that he sounds like your best friend,” she laughed.  “Wow, I can’t believe you told him all of that.  He seemed to handle it ok based on the texts.”

“I went to let him out, and I hugged him.  It was meant to start off as a hug, but once I wrapped my arms around him, I felt so safe, Dani.  He held me for I don’t even know how long.  Rubbing my back, just letting me hold him.  I fought so hard not to cry, but I know he would’ve been ok if I had.  Then he left.”

“OK, let me get this straight.  He says all these romantic things to you, walks you home last night, brings you lunch today, holds you after you spill your emotional baggage on him, and he didn’t kiss you?”  Deana nodded.  “He’s gay.”

“Dani, you don’t mean that, that’s terrible to assume.”

“I know, but I’m sure if this was a movie, the two stars would’ve kissed in that moment.”

“Maybe, but this isn’t a movie.  Not kissing me doesn’t make him gay.  We both know that.  I mean, look at me, who would want to kiss me?”  Dani sighed and gave her a look.  “Sorry,” Deana interjected.  “I wasn’t gonna make a move after explaining everything.  What if he just likes my singing voice?  I mean, he IS in the business, he could just have a respect for my voice.  I don’t want to assume anything romantic is between us and get shot down again.  Did I want him to kiss me after the things he said?  Yeah, I did.  Did I wish he kissed me, even a little, as he held me?  Yeah.  But I’m waiting for him to make the first move so I don’t embarrass myself with another awkward conversation of me professing my feelings for someone and getting friend zoned.  Not after spilling my emotional baggage, as you so eloquently put it.  I’ll be his friend until he decides there’s something there.”

“Are you gonna wait another three years like you did with Brian?  You had to give up your feelings for him after 3 years because he kept shooting you down.  Then he finally realizes how much you meant to him, only to toy with your emotions for a year.”

“Hey now, he was no Paul.  I was his first girlfriend, he didn’t know what he was doing, how feelings changed, how to balance things.  We only broke up and got back together once, and there was a bit in between that.  Did I think we’d be together longer the second time around? Yeah.  Was I heartbroken when he broke up with me? Yeah.  Then I met Morgan a few months later.  We know how THAT turned out.  But none of them were as bad as Paul.”

“I just don’t want you waiting around if he’s never gonna make a move, D.”

“It hasn’t even been 24 hours, Dani, give the guy some time.  I don’t mind waiting if it’s gonna be worth the wait.  It’s what I should’ve done with Paul.  He wouldn’t have stuck around if I hadn’t jumped into anything with him.”

“I dunno, I think he’d try to groom you to want or need him that it would’ve happened anyway.  The guy’s a sociopath.  He makes Barney Stinson look like a decent guy.  I just want you to find someone.”

“I will, eventually.  We just have to let things happen.  Rushing into things isn’t going to do any good, especially if he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Her phone buzzed.  “I still can’t believe you put him in as Bruce Wayne,” Dani laughed.

“Well, what else was I supposed to put?  ‘Batman’, or ‘guy from karaoke’?  He never gave me his name.”

“Did you ever ask?”

“Now that I think of it, no.”

“Well, what did he say?  I’m sure it’s him.”

It was.  Just letting you know I’m home.  Thank you for today.  It helped me understand your boundaries, and let you get everything out. Talk to you soon. 

“D, you HAVE to ask for his name.”

Thank you again for listening and understanding. What’s your actual name so I can update your contact info?

Justin was unsure how to answer. He had to act quickly so she didn’t suspect anything. Bruce. That’s why I went as Batman, my friends call me Bruce Wayne as a nickname and I ran with it. 

Alright Bruce, I need to hit the books. Lunch was delicious, I hope we can do it again soon.

“Well, Bruce, if that’s his real name, seems like a great guy. All those sweet words, nice gestures, and all without taking advantage of you. I hope he likes you.”

“Me too. If not, at least I have a good guy friend again.”

…

Justin sat on the couch, thinking of the last 24 hours. Today was NOT what I expected, he thought to himself. I was just expecting to drop off food, say hi, and be on my way. I knew she had that boundary already up, and for good reason. I hope I’m back on tour before Paul shows his face again, or I’m gonna punch him in his stupid face. I know I haven’t been a saint, but Jesus. It felt nice to hold her like that, just to be the comfort she needed. I’m getting to really connect with her, and not rush into things. Did I want to kiss her at certain points? Yeah. If I’m gonna do this, she needs time. She’s definitely worth the wait. 

…

Danielle left so Deana could study and get some work done. She’d done the reading for the week, working on her weekly assignment before tackling part of her final. It was her last school year, one more semester in the spring until graduation. Her biggest assignment was her senior thesis. 

Thankfully the weekly assignment was short, and she just needed to post a response to the teacher’s post based on the lecture for the week. 

She started working on her thesis, and after about an hour, hit a wall. Her brain hurt from the research she was doing, and felt like she was just writing in circles. She decided to take a break and eat the food from the Halloween party at the school. 

She stared at her phone, and found herself thinking about him. Taking a break from my paper, you free to talk?

For you? Definitely. He had replied sooner that she expected, but it also wasn’t immediate enough to make her curious. 

Well, I shared my big emotional baggage, anything you want to share?  LOL

Justin sighed. He hadn’t really talked about things with Jess with anyone except Trace and the guys. He’d mostly dealt with it on his own, which meant not really. Sure. 

She wasn’t expecting that as a response, but waited as he typed. 

I’ve been cheated on, a couple times. One was just a huge stab in the back cuz it was with a friend of mine. Well, someone I THOUGHT was a friend. I haven’t always been a saint, but I’ve learned and grown. More recently, I was with this great woman, we made each other happy, but I ended it. I realized I’d made a huge mistake, and she was done. I even told her I wanted marriage, kids, all of it, and nope. It’s been over a year since I’ve really been with anyone, longer if we’re talking anything SERIOUS. 

Do you see yourself doing marriage, kids, with anyone else? she asked hopefully. 

He smiled, struggling not to chuckle to himself. If I meet the right person, absolutely. 

Would you say you have a type?

Confident. They’ve all varied in height, hair color, eye color, whatever. They’ve all happened to be in the business, I’d meet them at functions or work with them on something and fall head over heels. Once I fall for someone, it’s pretty complete, I’m in. 

Her heart sank. Were all his sweet words just that? She’d said she was ok with having a new guy friend, but it hurt just the same as if she’d shared her feelings for him. I tend to be the same way. Which is why Paul was so dangerous. 

Does she just see me as a friend? he wondered. 

Why the Lady Gaga songs last night? I’m always curious about people’s choice of songs for karaoke. 

They’re fun, keeps the crowd going. The first one hit home cuz I was bullied as a kid, most of my school years into high school. Middle school was brutal. It still hurts to think about, but I’m starting to feel comfortable with myself. The others were more just fun. Poker face was admittedly to vent about an ex. 

Ooh, I sense something juicy here. 

So I’ve only had sex with one guy, but I’d fooled around with other guys after high school. One guy was 4 years older than me, and everything was all about him, including in that department. He’d never been with anyone like that either, but once he got off, he couldn’t be bothered with me. I tend to stay with guys longer than I should because I feel like it’s better than being alone. That’s what I’m working on right now, these last few months. To help deal with pent up anger and frustration with my dating life, I sing songs that let me take shots at them without actually having to confront them. It’s kinda my musical wheelhouse, sing what I’m feeling. 

I get that. That’s what most music is, something someone felt about something they went through. It’s very cathartic, even if no one else ever hears it. 

So you write songs? she asked curiously. 

I wear a lot of different hats. You kinda have to in order to stay on people’s radar in this business. I do a little bit of everything. 

Sounds fun, changing up what you’re working on, who you work with. 

Yeah, but it doesn’t really change the world the way teachers do. 

She smiled. I get that a lot. Music is very powerful though, can hurt or heal. I’d say that’s pretty important too. I’m still riding the adrenaline high from the Justin Timberlake concert last week. I had tickets for the other show last week, but it got pushed back to his birthday. 

Yeah, I heard about that. He’s pretty devastated that he had to postpone, along with being in complete vocal rest. It’s hitting him pretty hard. 

Wait, you KNOW him??

Lol. Yeah, you could say that. He’d be happy to know you’re still thinking about that show even a week later.  Where were your seats?

For the one I got to go to, we were on the floor. Not VIP so we weren’t right up against the stage, but it was amazing. The closest I’ve ever gotten to him. 

Justin smirked. If you only knew, he thought. And for the now birthday show?

200 something, the upper seats. Not the nosebleeds but nowhere NEAR where I was last time. It’s my dream to get a selfie or a hand grab. I was by one girl that got her hand grabbed, it looked like her was staring right into her soul. I think I might die if that ever happens. 

I’d hope not, for my sake. I’ll see what I can do to get you closer. 

You don’t have to do that…

I want to. If it means that much to you, I have to at least try. 

Thank you. I know it’s months away still, but looking forward to it. It’s a hell of a show. 

I’ll tell him you said that. Do you need to get back to your schoolwork?

NEED to? Yes. WANT to? No. 

Heh. I don’t miss school, I’ll be honest. 

I just want to be able to say I finished. Then it’s on to get my credential, or at least teach at a  private school, but they never pay as well as public, which isn’t saying much. I took a long time off in between, it was my choice. 

What happened?

After my grandpa died, we’d check in on my grandma from time to time. Eventually she needed more regular care. Taking her to doctor visits, being home in case she fell, help with different things. I dropped out of college to be her nurse. Which is ironic since my brother is a doctor, like full medical training. She died about a year ago, he moved back before she passed, to say goodbye. 

I’m so sorry. I know that feeling, I lost my grandma too. This summer. I think my biggest regret is that I want there more. And that anything big in my life that happens now, happens without her. When I get married, have kids, she won’t be there. 

My older sister got married 12 years ago, and when the pictures come up on my Facebook memories, all I can think of is how I’ll never get the pictures that she got to have. The best I’ll get is wearing her fake pearls. My sister has the memories, and a badass story to tell before the wedding. 

I’ll bite. What happened?

She had gone to the beauty parlor, as she called it, and got her hair done a few days before the wedding. She didn’t think they used enough hairspray, so she added more. In the process, she lost her balance. She grabbed the towel rack behind her, then overcorrected, face first through her glass shower door. There was blood everywhere, and instead of calling 911, she called my cell phone while I was at work. My mom found her and called 911.  My grandma didn’t want to call and have them break down the front door. She put on lipstick so she’d look good for the paramedics, and went on and on about how excited she was for her granddaughter’s wedding. When I finally got to the hospital they asked if I was the one getting married. I kept having to tell different staff that it was my sister, not me. She had a big gash on her cheek, so to hide it in pictures, we had to pose her facing a certain way. In some shots it looks like she’s not even paying attention…

Wow, that’s a hell of a story. 

The part that gets me is she kept telling me, throughout my life, that I was her favorite. And yet she’ll miss all these major milestones with me. There are times I feel her, but it’s not the same, you know?

Totally. You know, though, that she’d be proud of you for doing what you’re doing. Finishing school and doing what makes you happy. That’s what I carry with me, that mine loved how I found something I loved and went with it.  That’s enough for me, some days. 

Yeah.  I remember feeling so disappointed that things with me and my ex didn’t work out so she could see me get married.  It’s hard to come back from being told in 2 years together, they don’t think they actually loved you, though, so…

I get that.  Not using those words, but I felt the same with my ex when my grandmother passed.  She helped raise me, so to not have her around for when it does happen, it sucks.

Thanks for asking about all of this.  It helps to talk about it to someone that isn’t family, but still understands.  I feel like any time I bring her up, I’m the only one who cares she’s gone.

Talking helps me, too.  Cheaper than going to therapy, and not just one sided, doing all the talking.  

I’ve been told I’m a VERY good listener.  Well, Bruce, I should probably get back to working on my paper.  It was great talking to you.  I have work early tomorrow, but I can text on my break or lunch, whenever.

I’ll be around.

Deana’s pizza had gone cold, she pushed it aside, opting for something else on her plate.  She stared at her laptop, still no closer to what to write.  I certainly feel closer to Bruce, though, she thought.  It was nice to share those things with someone.  He opened up to me, too.  I hope I get to know more about him.  See how long he sticks around.  I know he said his thing is on a break, so we’ll see how much time I get with him before he has to leave.

…

 

Justin sat on his couch, flipping through channels mindlessly.  I just finished talking to her, and I miss her.  Am I doing it again, falling completely head over heels?  Is it because she’s opened up to me not once, but TWICE in one day?  It felt good to open up to her.  I could have given more details with Jess, but it might have compromised my identity.  Just saying I’ve met them all through the business was better than saying I’ve basically only dated celebrities.  That would freak her out that someone like me would like someone like her.  I really am just a normal guy, and what I’m doing, hiding that part of myself, lets me really feel normal.  I’m not having to impress her with all this stuff, and who I know.  She thinks I know one person, not that I AM that same person.  I want to try and keep this a secret until after my birthday show, that way she thinks he’s doing her a favor, giving her this great experience.  It’s gonna be some doing, but with any luck I can pull it off.  Maybe text her more than going out to see her, so I’m not having to hide myself too often.  Thankfully she doesn’t live around where I do, so it’s not like we’ll run into each other all that often.  The bar for karaoke is kinda in the middle, and I’m there to see her.  That gives her some space to respect her boundaries, and doesn’t put me at risk of blowing my cover, or having photographers do it for me. 

Deana’s alarm went off at 3:30am. She groaned, starting to regret her choice of shifts. She dressed for work, pulled her hair into a high ponytail as usual, adjusting her glasses on her face. She sighed, ready to head to work. 

Almost halfway through her shift, she saw a mobile order come in. Grande ginger tea with honey for Justin. Butterflies started turning inside her. I guess he’s staying in NYC while on vocal rest, she thought to herself.  Sure enough, he walked in shortly thereafter. He came just as Deana was finishing it, putting it up to the bar. 

His hand brushed her fingers as she let go of the cup and he reached to pick it up. She tried to hide any excitement, but her cheeks betrayed her as they reddened. Justin smiled, raising the cup in thanks. 

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small slip of paper, and laid it down where the cup had been. He nodded at her before turning and heading towards the door. 

Deana took the paper in her hand. Michele, thanks for the pickle juice tip. Not sure if it’s helping yet, but fingers crossed. Justin. 

The short wait for her lunch break seemed to last forever. Once off the clock, she texted a picture of the note to Danielle, along with a text that read: he brushed against my hand as he got his drink!!  She thought about texting Bruce, but she figured if he knew Justin, he wouldn’t want to hear her talk nonstop about another guy. 

I will keep this forever, she thought, tucking it into her purse for safe keeping. Until I get my selfie or hand grab, today is the closest contact I’ll have ever had to him. She felt this euphoric feeling, excitement and complete happiness. She fought back the urge to just squeal and scream, reminding herself she wasn’t 16 anymore. The feeling continued the rest of her shift, carrying on into the afternoon and evening. 

She sat down with some take out she’d picked up on her way home from work. She hadn’t heard from Bruce all day. She picked up her phone. She knew she couldn’t call, but debated what to text without sounding clingy. 

Had a good day today, hope you did too. It was short, and not dropping with any super emotional attachment. 

My day just got better after seeing your text :)

She wasn’t sure what to make of his text. Was he waiting around for her to text? 

Yeah? she asked. 

Yeah. I mean, it was good I guess. Nothing particularly bad happened, but nothing super great either. Getting your text is the highlight of my day. 

That boring, huh? ????

Hey now…. So how was work?

It was really good. Got to see one of my favorites today, it made me happy. 

Justin got nervous, his mind starting to race. Is there a guy? What if she likes HIM and not ME?  I mean, I guess these things happen…  His heart sank at the thought of them getting so close, and it not leading anywhere. I could be fine being friends, I’d be a dick to just stop talking to her because she’s not interested. Should I tell her now, who I really am? It might scare her, but it might work in my favor, too…

His phone buzzed. You ok? He snapped out of his train of thought, trying to figure out what to say next. 

If this a bad time I can let you go… she said. 

No, it’s fine. I can talk for a while if you want. 

Ok. Yeah, work was good. I’m still stuck on my paper. I haven’t made any progress since we talked yesterday to give me a break. 

What’s your paper on?

Well, since it’s undergrad, it’s more researching other studies than actually conducting my own research. I’m writing about vaccinations, particularly to debunk the myth that they certain issues. There’s one study people use over and over to show a link, but there are hundreds of others that found it doesn’t. There are environmental and genetic factors that are much more closely tied to causation. 

Wow, look at you and your big, fancy words. What made you choose the topic?

A friend of mine decided not to vaccinate her kids because of the one study, holding hard and fast to its “findings”.  Both of her kids have been diagnosed as having it, even without having been vaccinated. She and her husband also have it, and they admit their “may” be a genetic component to it as well.  I’m looking to see if there’s any research on the genetic side. A friend of mine has 5 kids with two different dads. So far, of the oldest 4, only one isn’t on the spectrum. The youngest is still too young to diagnose officially. It damn near broke my heart realizing her second has a severe speech delay, having to find a way to tell her out of love that this wasn’t normal development. As a future teacher, I need to be just as careful approaching this subject with the families I work with. 

So you picked something very close to home and personal to you. 

Isn’t that what most research is? Finding answers and things to something you care about?

I suppose. Are you hitting a dead end on the genetic research piece?

On all of it.  I feel like I’m just talking in circles on how there is no link between vaccines and these issues.  How am I supposed to write a 10 page paper on this without sounding redundant the whole way through?

There I can’t really help, it’s been years since I’ve had to write a report for school.  Try and use as much of the research as you can to say it for you.  

I have chunks highlighted I plan to use, I’ll put it all in and see where to go from there I guess.  

Sounds like a plan.  When is it due?

December.  So I still have a couple months.  I just prefer to be stuck NOW instead of 2 days before it’s due…

Very responsible.  

Probably a little TOO responsible.  Dani always helped me cut loose when I needed it.

Text or call her then.

She’s busy with her own stuff, my brother…

I’m sure she can find time for her best friend.  

I have Sundays off, and starting next week I’ll have my weekends completely free to do stuff.

There you go.  In fact, tell her you have plans for the two of you on Sunday.  She can’t say no.

She’d actually like that, she does it to me all the time.  But what would we do?

Don’t worry about it.  I’ll set everything up, you two just go with the plan.

OK…

You deserve a break.  I’m guessing it’s been a while since just the two of you have really hung out.

The concert was recent, and then karaoke…

Concerts are fine, but it’s not you two just being friends, being together.  You could go to a concert by yourself and have just as much fun.

I guess.

I WANT to do this for you.  Please?

OK.  Anything else I need to know about this? 

Nope, leave everything else to me.  Well, I guess both of you be ready at your place by 10AM.  But that’s all you get.  What should we wear?

Whatever feels comfortable.  Knowing what little I do about Dani, I’d say dress up a little, not that you need it.  

Thank you in advance, for all of this.  You really don’t have to...

Don’t even worry about it.  Hoping this helps you girls reconnect a bit, help you relax and refocus on things.

I should probably go, it was nice to talk.

It’s the highlight of my day, he sent with a smile.  He meant it.

I doubt that, but thank you.  Have a good night.

You too, Deana.  

Justin quickly went to work on his laptop looking up different places, making reservations.  Sunday is going to be a day she won’t soon forget, and I’m glad I can give her that.  At least, until my birthday.

It was Sunday morning, Deana’s alarm went off at 8:30.  Dani had stayed the night so they could be ready in time.  Deana showered, then checked the weather forecast to help pick her outfit.  It had been warm a few days ago, but now had dipped below 60.  She had no clue what they were doing, so tried to dress for almost anything.  

She decided on her favorite black dress pants, they had a flare cut that she LOVED.  She couldn’t stand the skinny jean trend, it made her feel so exposed and almost claustrophobic, like everything was too tight.  These pants made her look and feel great.  She paired it with a maroon top.  A simple scoop neckline, with a long hoop chain necklace that stopped right at her breasts.  She’d worn it on dates trying to accentuate her curves, it certainly got guys attention, at least for a second.  She did a simple natural eye, using a nude palette and a soft brown eyeliner.  She did her hair next, blow drying it before straightening it and then scrunching it with some mousse.  Straightening helped the waves be more uniform and controlled, and she found it helped it be less frizzy, her main hair problem.  

She finished her look with a cream colored long waisted coat and black ankle boots.  She still felt ugly next to Danielle.  Danielle had jeans that hugged her body, a black slinky top that hung in the right spots, perfect hair and makeup, and she hadn’t set her alarm for nearly as early.

“You look great, D,” Dani said.

“Still nothing compared to you…” she sighed.

“Ugh, will you stop that?  Today is supposed to be relaxing.  Any word on what we’re doing, or even how we’re getting there?”

Deana’s phone buzzed no sooner than when Danielle asked her question.  Good morning.  When you hear the buzzer, come on downstairs.  After that, enjoy the day.

At exactly 10:00, the buzzer buzzed three times.  They looked at each other, nervous for what was planned, but excited to spend a day together.  They came down, almost expecting Bruce to be at the door.  Instead, an older gentleman in all black smiled as they walked out of the building.  “Deana and Danielle, I presume?”  The girls nodded, and they got into a small black sedan with tinted back windows.  

“I’m not sure whether to be impressed and excited, or scared that we’re off to our doom…” Danielle said.  

“I’d go with the first, miss,” the driver said.  “I’ll be with you the rest of the day.”

They were in the car at least 20 minutes before reaching their first destination.  He pulled up in front of a restaurant, The Smith.  “Brunch awaits, ladies.”  The girls got out of the car and walked into the restaurant.  

Deana walked up to the hostess.  “Um, I think we have a reservation, under Deana?”  She wasn’t sure what name he had put anything under.  His name, hers?  The hostess checked the list and nodded.

“Yes, right this way.”  They were taken to a table, given water and mimosas to start things off.  They perused the brunch menu before deciding and ordering.  Deana had the Smith Eggs Benedict, and Danielle got the vanilla french toast.  When the food arrived, they split each plate to share. 

“Oh my god, this is AMAZING!” Deana said as she tried the french toast. Danielle nodded in agreement. 

“You know what’s amazing? That Mr. Bruce man is treating us to all of this. I’m guessing. I think he likes you, D. All this effort just for a friend, especially one he’s just met. He either likes you or he’s crazy.”

“I’d hope so, but I’ve been wrong before…”

“No guy has EVER done anything like this for you. Name ONE time you misread a sign like that.”

“Snuggled up spooned against a guy, on his bed, his arm around me as we watched a movie. Star Wars Episode 1, but still. I thought he liked me, he just thought I was nice to snuggle with. Had NO romantic interest, just friendship and snuggling.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.”

“I don’t go around blabbing moments THAT embarrassing. Then all those years of liking one guy, and getting turned down over and over.  Liking most of my guy friends and either doing nothing about it even when I knew they liked me, or thinking that any slight gesture meant something more. Need I continue?” Her voice has gotten a little louder than it should have, she quickly quieted and sat with her mouth closed. 

“You don’t think this time is different? That this could be a HUGE gesture?” Danielle asked. 

“I don’t know. Do I want it to be? Yes. Am I afraid to ask him about it? I’m terrified.”

“It’s like Pretty Woman and you’re Julia Roberts, minus the whole hooker thing.  He likes you…”

“You think so?” Deana asked, her voice hopeful. 

“I do.  That’s just me, going off of him getting a private car to bring us to brunch, and apparently we have stuff all day… Oh! You should send him pictures of us at each thing we do. Let’s take a shot sipping our mimosas.”  Dani took Deana’s phone and got the perfect shot. “Send it, tell him brunch is delicious, then send me the pic, it’s perfect for the Gram.”

She sent him the picture and text, then sent the picture to Dani. 

“Hashtag mimosas, hashtag besties, hashtag brunch, hashtag no filter. Perfect,” said Dani, putting away her phone. 

Deana’s phone buzzed. Glad you’re enjoying yourself. Have a great time. 

They finished their food and were told the bill was taken care of. They walked out front, and their driver was waiting for them. The girls got in and they were off to their next stop. 

The driver stopped, letting them out in front of Bliss Spa. “I LOVE their stuff at Bath and Body Works!  Why didn’t I know they had a real spa, too?” Deana said. 

Deana walked up to the front counter, giving her name. “Welcome Deana, you and your guest are welcome to whatever service you want today.”

“ANY package?” Dani asked, her mouth gaping. The woman nodded. Dani turned to Deana. “Oh, he is SO into you…” she giggled.

Deana blushed a little as they looked at the various services. “Nothing with the face, I didn’t bring my makeup,” Dani said. “If I’d known I’d have brought everything.”

“We’ll go with the Scrub and Rub,” Deana told the receptionist.

“Someone will be with you both soon.”

Two women came out, taking Deana and Danielle into separate rooms.  Their treatment included a scrub all over the body to exfoliate and nourish the skin, then a massage using a hydrating body butter to soften the skin.  The aromatherapy and light music in the room helped Deana feel so relaxed as she received her treatment.  She struggled to keep her eyes open, so relaxed she wanted to sleep.  She’d never been to a spa before, just to salons to get hair or nails done, and even then it had been a while.  The massage was basically to rub in the body butter, there was very little pressure being applied where it would hurt.  She knew she needed a massage, but maybe another day.

She dressed, and went back to the lobby to wait for Danielle.  The receptionist called to Deana.  

“These are for you, courtesy of you know who.”  Two small gift baskets of Bliss merchandise were placed on the counter.  

“Let me take a picture to show him we got them, this is all too much,” Deana muttered as she took a picture of the gift baskets. 

Danielle came out soon after, looking at the baskets.  “Um, these are for us?”  Deana nodded.  “No, D, he doesn’t like you at ALL…”  They took their gift baskets and headed towards the car. 

“Have you really been waiting right here this whole time?” Deana asked.

“I’ll never tell,” he laughed in reply, opening the door for them to get into the car.

Deana sent him the picture of the baskets, with a text that read: I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life.  I’m feeling like this is starting to be overwhelming, you didn’t have to do all this just for me.

Yes, I did.  You’re worth it, everyone needs some relaxation every once in a while.  Enjoy it, please.

They weren’t in the car very long before they stopped again.  Deana looked up through the window. “No way…” she breathed.

“He got us tickets to a Broadway show?!” Danielle screamed. “Mean Girls?  D, he is SO FREAKING INTO YOU!!!!” she squealed, hitting Deana in excitement.

They got out of the car, got their tickets, and went into the theater.  They had great seats, and waited for the show to start.

“You really think he’s into me?” Deana asked.

Danielle turned to a few girls in the row behind them.  “Excuse me ladies, but if a man set up a day of brunch, massages, and a Broadway show for you and your best friend, would you say he’s romantically interested?”

“If you aren’t already together?  OH YEAH,” the girls agreed.  “HUGE romantic gesture.”

“THANK YOU!” Danielle shouted.  “I’ve been telling her that all day, and she doesn’t believe me…”

“Wait, this is real?  I thought you were asking a hypothetical.  Girl, he is SO making the big gesture.”

Deana’s face turned what felt like a thousand shades of red.  “Fine, Dani, I believe you.  He likes me, he really, truly, likes me…” she sighed.

The show started and the girls were blown away.  During intermission, Deana snapped a picture of them with their playbills to send to Bruce.  Thanks for the great seats, the show is AMAZING!

Glad you’re having fun, the day’s almost over as far as what I planned.  

Deana showed Dani his last text.  “Looks like our Pretty Woman day is almost over…”

“Hey, but what a day it’s been.  Delicious brunch, amazing massage, great Broadway show, all for FREE?  Girl, you better show your appreciation the next time you see him…” Danielle said, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh God.  What if that’s what he wants.  He’s doing all this so I’ll sleep with him…” Deana suddenly panicked.

“I mean, why not, but I was kidding…” Danielle backpedaled.  “I meant kiss him, see where things go.  If he likes you, you like him, you owe it to yourself to see what happens.  I’ve slept with men for MUCH less…”

“Yeah, but I’m not you, I can’t just pick up any guy off the street and take them to bed.”

“Now you’re making me sound easy…  I may have more experience, but I’m a responsible woman, and most of those were full on relationships…”

“I know, sorry.  But look at you.  You could totally get away with having your way with every man you wanted.”

“Can we just enjoy the show and not make this about either of us right now?  He wanted you to relax, have some girl time, not a pity party.  Enjoy this, it’s been a great day, let’s keep it that way.”

Deana knew Dani was right, this was a day to relax and enjoy time with her best friend.  They settled back into their seats to enjoy the second half.

After the show, they headed back outside and there, waiting outside, was the car and their driver.  

“Seriously, I hope you’re able to do things while you waited for us today.  It’s starting to get dark, that’s a long day of just sitting waiting for two women.”

“I’m married, I’m used to waiting for a woman, and it’s always worth it to see the smile on her face.  Just like you two ladies,” the driver said with a gentle smile.

She recognized where they were going, back to her apartment.  “End of my day, ladies, it’s been a pleasure,” he said, opening his door to let them out.  The girls carried their baskets upstairs to the apartment.  

Deana flopped down onto her couch, taking out her phone.  Thanks again, we had a great day.  I’m still in shock of everything,

You deserve it, never forget that.  

Deana took her gift basket and put it in the bathroom, sorting out where to put things.

“D, come here!” she heard Danielle call from the living room.

Deana walked back out.  “What?  Why do you sound excited?” 

“Someone just buzzed with a delivery for you.  Oh my god, what if it’s flowers, or chocolates?  What if it’s HIM bringing it to you??”

There was a knock at the door.  The girls looked at each other in excitement, curious at what was on the other side of the door.  Deana walked over, opened the door, and found a young man holding a couple bags in his hands.  Deana took the bags, a little disappointed it wasn’t Bruce, or flowers.  She set the bags down on the coffee table.

There was a small card sitting on top.  Deana picked it up, opened it, and read the note.  One last surprise.  Dinner, snacks, and movies.  Have a great rest of your night.  “He got us Chinese food, a ton of junk food, and some movies.  Why am I suddenly feeling emotional with THIS part of the day compared to the others?”

“I don’t know, but I say we dig in before that food gets cold.”

They opened up the takeout boxes and put Pitch Perfect 3 in the DVD player.  They had fun watching the movie together, talking, laughing, having a great time.  It felt like they were teenagers again, having a sleepover.

“I’m glad he did this, I feel like I got my best friend back,” Danielle said.  

“Me too.  We haven’t really spent much time together, not like we used to.  Life is getting in the way, it was like we were drifting apart.”

“I’m dating your brother, I can’t drift TOO far.  You know no matter who I marry, you’ll be my maid of honor.  With any luck, you’ll be my sister in law, too…” Dani said, hugging her on the couch.  “I love you, best friends forever, no matter what.”

The movie finished, and they looked at the other movie in the bag.  Table 19.  “Hmm, I wonder why he picked two Anna Kendrick movies…” Deana said.

“I dunno, but I’m beat.  I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Yeah, I should too. I have work early in the morning.”

“You ALWAYS have work early in the morning…”

They headed off to their bedrooms. Deana found she had never slept as soundly as she did that night, a smile on her face as she dreamed. 

Deana woke up for her shift, getting dressed and heading out the door. I’ll wait till I’m on lunch to text him, he likely won’t be up for a few hours yet, she thought as she headed downstairs and out the front door. 

The morning was uneventful, the regular morning crowd coming through. Her heart leapt as she saw the now familiar mobile order- grande ginger tea with honey. Sure enough, he came in and picked it up from the bar. He made eye contact with Deana, giving a polite smile and nod. She adjusted her glasses nervously as he walked out. 

“You like him,” a female coworker said.

“Doesn’t everyone?” she replied. 

“No, like, you LIKE HIM like him.”

“He comes in a lot more than he usually does, it’s nice to see him. You know, as a fan.”

“Uh huh…”

“Cuz I have a chance with him. Come on now…”

“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t jump him if you ever had the chance.”

“Pretty sure he’d have to be black out drunk before he’d sleep with someone like me.”

“With the right outfit and the right attitude, ANYTHING is possible.”

She went on her lunch not long after Justin left, getting out her phone. 

I slept SO well last night. Thanks again for everything. 

Glad I could help. What are friends for?

She practically choked as she read his text. Friends. Awful lot of money to spend on a friend, she sent with hesitation. 

You’re worth it. 

What was up with the Anna Kendrick double feature? She a celebrity crush or something?

He laughed at her response. No. I’ve worked with her on a couple things. You remind me of her in a way. 

Yeah?

Yeah. You can sing, I can tell you have a great sense of humor, even if it hasn’t really come out yet. 

I think you just made my day. What do you do all day if your current gig is on pause?

He smiled as he typed his response, imagining the look on her face. He embellished a little, but not much. 

I work out, shirtless. Gotta keep everything loose so my body is used to everything when it’s time to go back. 

She imagined what that looked like, running on a treadmill, lifting weights.  She had to stop herself before her mind got too carried away. 

Sounds like your job requires a lot of hard work, heavy lifting. 

Hard work, absolutely. Heavy lifting, not so much except for my workouts.  Right now it’s that or watching TV. Or my favorite new thing, talking to you. ????

You’re too kind. My lunch is almost up, but I’ll talk to you later?

She finished her lunch, smiling at the thought of him working out, and waiting for her to text. She was disappointed by the ’friends’ comment, but had tried her best to prepare herself for that realization. 

I knew it was too good to be true, she thought. As if a guy like him would want someone like me. He may like my singing, but was that it?  She shook off the feeling before it consumed her. After all, he had paid for everything yesterday. Could he be playing hard to get?

She went back to work, thinking about the things he’d said. She hoped he’d meant that talking with her was one of his new favorite things. 

After work she headed home and started on her paper.  She decided to put all of her research in, then fill in between and see how that went.  She had all but forgotten, at least for the moment, about her text conversation on her lunch when Danielle texted her.

Hey!  What did Mr. Into You say today???

She sent a screenshot of the first bit of their conversation, cropping it just right before she sent it, along with a text that read Yeah, about that…

Shit D, I’m so sorry.  Did you say anything to him, about how you feel?

Thank God, no.  I think I’d die of embarrassment if I had.  

Well, how DO you feel about him?  I mean, it hasn’t been all that long.  I know I’ve been kinda pushing you, but you DO like him, right?  

Deana sighed.  It’s weird.  It’s like how I felt with HIM.  

Danielle knew who that meant.  The ex fiance.  Deana couldn’t even say his name, it still hurt too much sometimes.  

I went on three dates with him in a week, and that was it.  I knew that first date this was it.  Or what I THOUGHT was it.  He told me if I’d said no to being his girlfriend that night, a week into dating, he would’ve given up any feelings he had for me.  That should’ve been red flag number 1…

What has Bruce done/said to make you feel like this could be it?  That is, if he felt the same…

Yesterday, for one.  Buying me drinks, walking me home and putting his arm around my shoulder.  He could have just walked next to me, no contact, as a friend, or even a brother.  He wasn’t scared off by my baggage, telling me a little of his.  

Well, I think maybe use this time to get to know each other better.  Airing out emotional baggage isn’t all you need to know about each other.

We talked about our grandmas.  His passed this last summer.

Do you know where he’s from, anything like that?

No.

I’d start there.  Yeah, he did or said some things that most people would read as romantic, I totally get it, I do.  I was right there with ya, especially yesterday.  But it’s all superficial.  

Before my brother came back to town, you were the QUEEN of superficial, getting to know a guy after you knew he wanted to sleep with you, if it lasted that long.

Ouch, a little harsh, D.  But I hadn’t really thought of it that way.  Maybe that’s how I know things are different with your brother.  I really know him.

That’s great, Dani.  I’m happy for you two, I really am.  I just wish I could keep you here instead of feeling like I’m losing you.

You can come over to his place, or we can come over to your place.

As long as you keep your hands to yourselves and your tongues in your own mouths.  I don’t wanna see you all over each other, it’s just weird.  Like Monica with Rachel and Ross… except at least Rachel still lived with Monica most of the time.

I think we can agree to that. I just hope Bruce is your Chandler, or that you find him soon. It’s like you were with Paul, confident, but minus the gaslighting asshole. Even if you’re just friends, Bruce has been really good for you.

I know. I’ll focus on being friends for a while, get to know him. I have to set how I feel about him aside until I know he feels the same way. 

Don’t give up on him, but yeah, take your time. If the roles were reversed you’d tell me to slow down. I’ll ease up on things now that you have someone you’re interested in. I don’t want you to get in too deep and get hurt one way or the other. 

They talked a bit longer before Deana went to bed. As she got ready, her phone buzzed. She figured it was Danielle or Bruce and left it until she was done. 

She checked her phone as she got into bed. It was a text from a number she didn’t recognize. Sweet dreams, beautiful. 

She was curious who it was since she didn’t have the number saved. Who is this?

Glad you’re awake. It’s Paul. I’m back in town. Can I see you tomorrow? 

She felt sick, like she was gonna throw up. What does HE want, after all this time? she wondered. I’d rather not. I’ve met someone else. 

You promised me one last night together, Deana…

Yeah, then you cheated on me before you left.  Pretty sure that nullified any verbal agreement. 

A promise is a promise, Deana…

NO.  The bars are open, go find someone else to play your stupid games with. I’m done. 

We’ll see. You know you still want me. 

 

She put her phone down, refusing to deal with him more than she already had. Sleep eluded her for a while before she finally fell asleep. 

Deana and Bruce were at the bar, having a great time. Laughing, talking, having a couple drinks. 

“Deana, you’re so beautiful tonight. I’ve been wanting to tell you that for a while. I think I’m falling in love with you…”

He leaned in for a kiss, but before he made contact, Deana felt herself being pulled away. 

“Stop! No! Leave me alone!” she yelled. She gave a firm pull and was released outside the bar. 

It was Paul. “You promised me, Deana, you promised me…. Time to make good on it, here and now.”

Deana bolted up out of bed, screaming and her arms flailing as she awoke. 

“It was just a dream,” she said aloud, gasping for breath. 

She had only minutes before her alarm was set to go off, there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. She took a long shower, hoping it would somehow wash away the nightmare she had. She knew it wouldn’t, but was willing to try anything. 

It was surprisingly slow at work that day, but thankfully it helped keep her mind off of Paul and the dream. It had started to rain, getting heavier and heavier.  She got a text from Danielle while she was on her lunch. 

Hey, they need to extend my shift at work tonight. I won’t be at karaoke. Do you need your brother to walk with you?

Deana sighed a bit. No, let me check something. 

Hey, Dani can’t go to karaoke tonight. Any way you can walk me there and back?

I think I can swing that. I’m glad you trust me enough to ask. What time should I be there?

Um, around 9?  That way we’ll be fashionably late to karaoke, but not miss out on somewhere to sit.

See you then. 

Dani, Bruce will get me and walk me home. It’s been a day…

What happened?

Paul texted last night. He wants to see me, says I still owe him one last night together…. I told him I met someone else. 

Good for you, D. Tell him off. If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t dare show his face at karaoke. 

I need to look super hot tonight, to make myself feel better. You know my closet, what should I wear?

That one black criss cross shirt, no tank top underneath. You’re going to karaoke, not church. Your purple skirt, it shows off your curves. Your black boots and your black jacket. I’m just sorry I can’t be there to help with hair and makeup. If Paul does show up, you’re gonna look so hot and make him regret how he treated you. 

The rest of her shift went by fast, keeping busy and thinking of what songs she would sing and what she was going to wear. She worked on her paper some more once she got home. Even one page was progress. 

She relaxed a bit before making some pasta for dinner. As the water was starting to boil, she heard the buzzer. 

It’s too early to be Bruce, she thought. She walked to her window that looked out onto the street. It was Paul. She went to the intercom. 

“Go away!” she said firmly. 

“Deana, I’m sorry, I miss you…”

“I told you, there’s someone else. It’s been months since I’ve heard from you, why miss me NOW?  Did your new victim realize what a sleaze you are and kick you to the curb?”

“Deana, please…”

“Goodbye Paul.”  She walked back to the kitchen and finished making dinner. She did her best to enjoy it, but the interaction with Paul left her without much of an appetite. 

She started getting ready for karaoke. Her black shirt had a low criss cross front, leaving plenty of cleavage visible. Her skirt was a dark purple, snug against her body with a flare of ruffled edging. She took her hair out of the ponytail she’d had for work, putting just a little mousse to help with frizz. She liked the curl it gave her hair, without being too much. For her eyes, she used almost a gunmetal silver, with purple eyeliner to match her skirt. 

She heard the buzzer ring three times. She checked to make sure it wasn’t Paul before going down. She put on her jacket, just showing enough of the skirt underneath. 

He gasped when he saw her walk towards the outer door and towards him. He grabbed his phone as soon as he could, mentally kicking himself for not being able to talk. 

You look fantastic. That was all he could think to say. 

She blushed a little as she read his text. “I had a rough day earlier and needed to dress up a bit to help myself feel better.”

Wanna talk about it?

“No, not right now. I plan on singing it out first, then we can talk later.”

He held out his arm, and she took hold of him as they started to walk. He wrote a black pea coat type jacket, the collar up and a scarf around his neck, covering his mouth to his nose. He wrote a gray tweed flat cap, trying to hide his eyes as well. 

She looked up at him as they walked.  “You’re all dapper in your coat and hat.  I like it.”  He smiled, looking back at her.

They got to the bar, and found a table between the bar and the stage.  He smiled as she took off her jacket, revealing the full outfit underneath.  He watched her hips as she walked up to the DJ booth to get her song slips.  He hid his smile as he all but stared at her chest as she walked back towards him.  Upon her return, Justin went and got drinks, when Deana noticed the water.

“You buy me drinks, but you don’t drink?”

Trying to cut back.  My doctor said it’s not good for my throat while I’m sick.  

“That makes sense I guess,” she replied, seemingly satisfied with his answer.  She put in her song tags in the order she wanted to perform them.  

They listened to the other singers, quietly judging as if they were on American Idol, using their facial expressions or hand signals.  

Suddenly Deana’s eyes went wide.  She looked at Justin in panic.  “Bruce, you’re my friend, right?”  He nodded.  “You’d do anything for me?”  He nodded again.  “I’ll explain later, just kiss me.”

She pulled him close, his lips against hers.  It took a second before she melted into his arms, his tongue finding its way towards hers, one hand on the small of her back, the other in her hair.  He wasn’t sure how long this was supposed to last, but he wasn’t going to argue.

He’s trying to be VERY convincing, she thought.  It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed like this, it feels so passionate, even if it’s just pretend, to make Paul jealous.

She pulled back from him slowly, her eyes staring deep into his.  “Thank you.  Again, I’ll explain later.”  She seemed apologetic, and they were both full of mixed emotions.

That was an amazing kiss, but she seems sorry that it happened.  I need to hear her out later, I just wish she could tell me NOW.

It was her turn to sing.  She got up to the stage, ready to sing.  Justin noticed her eyes weren’t on him, but elsewhere in the bar.  They scanned the room at first, then seemed locked on a particular spot.  He turned to look over, but there were lots of people around.  Could she be singling out one person in particular?

“I want you to know that I’m happy for you.  I want nothing but the best for you both…”

Justin had never seen this side of her.  Her voice seemed full of anger, her tone reflecting the words perfectly.  The line that got to him in a way he didn’t expect came when she sang “And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it…”  

After that kiss, I could let her scratch her nails down my back.  Damn, am I really getting turned on by this?  Now another thing to hide, he chuckled to himself.  

She slammed down her celebratory drink from him before sitting down.  She wanted to tell him now about Paul, hoping he would understand and maybe kiss her again, or at least hold her close.  “Pretend you’re my boyfriend, please.  I’ll explain it all after my next song, then we can leave.  I promise.”  Her eyes searched his, he nodded, seeming to understand without hearing her reason.

He put his arm around her shoulder, holding her close without giving away his true feelings.  He’d kiss her cheek or the top of her head, rubbing her back between her shoulder blades.  

The DJ played some background music for a second.  “Next week is 80s night everyone, so show up wearing your freshest, most radical outfit!”

It was soon her turn again, another darker toned song.  “Don't cry to me. If you loved me, you would be here with me.  You want me?  Come find me.  Make up your mind…”

It didn’t seem her typical style of music based on the previous weeks, but she was still killing it.  He continued to be impressed by her singing, no matter what she sang.  Her eyes were on the same part of the bar, but he had no clue who or what was making her feel this way.  

It isn’t me, not with the kiss and her asking me to pretend to be her boyfriend.  Could it be…?

He’d bought her another drink, as usual, even though he knew they were leaving.  She slammed it down again, ready to get the hell out of there.  He helped her put on her jacket before walking out of the bar towards her apartment.  

As they walked out of the bar, Deana looked behind them. She looked again as they walked a bit further. 

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure we weren’t being followed. Paul is back. He texted me last night saying he was sorry, that he missed me. I told him to leave me alone. He showed up outside my apartment earlier as I was making dinner. Then he came to karaoke. That’s why I asked you to kiss me and pretend to be my boyfriend, to make him a little jealous and hopefully get him to leave me alone. I’m worried he won’t, he reminded me of some stupid promise I made him before everything happened. I had this terrible dream, and…”

He stopped, took her hand, and looked in her eyes. Time stopped, everything she needed to know was in his eyes. He knew, he understood. 

“It’s ok,” he mouthed. He pulled her close to him, and silent tears streamed from her eyes. He held her for a while, before she looked up at him and nodded. 

I think we were very convincing. Not gonna lie, that was a hell of a kiss…

“Well, you were the one sticking your tongue in my mouth…”

You didn’t seem to mind.  He smirked at her. 

“I just wish it meant something. The next time I want to be kissed, I want it to be perfect, not with a friend trying to make an ex jealous.”

Friend, he thought to himself. Is that all we are? I’m afraid to push her, she’s not ready. But dammit I wanna kiss her again, for real. Not now, it’s not perfect. 

I wish he’d kiss me, she thought. Now would be perfect. But he said we’re friends. I need to get to know him better. Hopefully this goes somewhere, I really like him. 

What was the promise? he asked. If you don’t wanna talk about it, I get it. 

Deana sighed. “It’s a long story…”

I have time, we even left early. Tell me as we walk. He’s gone, he can’t hurt you. 

“So the last time we were ‘together’, was actually pretty traumatic. He’d lied to another girl he was with, and she saw us go up to his place. They’d been drinking before I met up with him, and she basically broke into the apartment. I hid, shivering with fear, trying so hard to be quiet. I heard noises as he went to handle it. Just noises, no voices or talking. When it was all over and she was gone, we promised we’d have one night to make up for that night. Then I found out what happened.”

He looked at her. 

“According to court papers SHE filed, he put her in a choke hold to the point where she passed out. Twice. They wanted me to be a witness at the trial, I was terrified. To have to see him, knowing what he did, and relive the fear I felt when she broke in. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I knew all I needed to. He was still sleeping around, and had no qualms with hurting one of them. I could’ve been next if I walked in on him with another girl.  He’s been in jail on a plea bargain. Now he’s back and wanting our one night together.  I’m standing my ground, telling him no. Trying to create distance between us.”

I’m glad you told me this now instead of earlier, I’d have killed him if he so much as came near you.  I’m glad you’re telling me, you trust me that much. 

“I figured I owed you an explanation, with the kiss and everything…. You’re right, it was a great kiss, under different circumstances.  It was nice to be kissed again.”

I know the feeling. It’s been a long time. I hope you get that perfect kiss, you deserve it. 

So do you, she typed back. 

They reached her building. “Thank you, again, for everything,” she mumbled. 

I meant it when I said you looked great, I’m sure he was kicking himself for letting you go, being such a complete asshole. There’s no word for someone like him.

“Sociopath fits fairly well,” she almost laughed. 

True, but I think the best word is monster. To put you through all of that, guilting you into sex, cheating on you, then that whole other situation. I hope you never see him again, that he stays away. I hate what he put you through, I’ll kill him if he tries anything else. 

“I don’t think prison orange is your color.”

I dunno, I look damn good in orange, but yeah, I get your point. He’s not worth your time, but you’re worth mine.  

She smiled. “You gotta stop talking like that, or I’m going to think you like me…”

What if I do? 

She stumbled a bit. “Do you?”

Maybe…

“Maybe?”

Goodnight Deana.

“Goodnight,” she laughed, trying to figure out what had just happened. She watched him walk away, leaving her with her keys in hand, staring at him. 

 

What the hell just happened?!

Deana flopped down on her couch, her brain still reeling. Did he just admit he likes me? I asked him to kiss me and he gives me one AMAZING hell of a kiss. I didn’t ask him to take it as far as he did. Then those other little kisses on my head and cheek, rubbing my back. I mean, I’m not sure what I expected him to actually DO when I asked him to pretend we were together. But then to say MAYBE he likes me, leaving me hanging? What am I supposed to do now?  How do I act around him, what do I say to him?  

She went to bed, still a mix of thoughts and mixed emotions. Sleep didn’t come easily as she battled with herself on what to do. 

…

Justin started walking home, going back and forth in his head.  Should I have kissed her?  Should I have said more than maybe about liking her?  Should I have not said anything? Ugh, I just don’t know.  I don’t want to rush things, her last relationship was really traumatic.  I don’t want her to think I’m just doing this to get something out of it.  But that KISS, damn.  It felt good to hold her, to kiss her like that.  I think it meant more to both of us than either of us want to admit.  She won’t admit it because things are going too fast.  I won’t admit it because I don’t want to hurt her.  She’s different than anyone else I’ve dated, but we’re not even doing that.  I talk to her through text, even face to face.  Ugh, things would be so much different if I could talk.  Though I’d still be on tour and never met her if I could.  I want her to know ME, the real me.  She’s trusted me with things, maybe I need to open up to her.  I just have to be careful so she doesn’t know who I really am.  I hate hiding it from her, but rushing into things, finding out who I am, she’d definitely think I’m doing this for all the wrong reasons.  

He went back and forth in his head the rest of the way home.  He started rooting through his closet for some ideas of clothes to wear.  He had an idea.  I’ll make that call in the morning, oh this is going to be EPIC.  Sleep came relatively easy once he’d decided to just continue the way things were.  It was the easiest way, he could let his guard down a little without compromising anything, hopefully moving forward with Deana.  He knew he’d be on vocal rest the rest of the year, that still gave them plenty of time to get to know each other.

The next morning, Justin made a series of texts, all in the pursuit of something for karaoke the next week.  He started with Jimmy.  He was hoping Jimmy could help him a bit, especially with their history, but also his ability to talk on the phone.  

Hey Jimmy, I need a favor.  I need a costume for something I’m doing next week, can you reach out to the wardrobe people from SNL for me?  With my vocal rest I can’t exactly make phone calls.  

Sure buddy, I’ll see what I can do and get phone numbers and stuff for you.  Keep an eye out for texts.  Why didn't you ask when you were on my show a few days ago?

I didn’t know about it yet, just came up last night.

Got it.  Yeah man, I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks Jimmy, you’re the best. 

…

Deana woke up and headed to her observation at the school.  She really needed to stop calling it that, she’d completed the 20 hours a long time ago, now going to help out and see the kids.  The day was fairly uneventful, wearing her work clothes so she could transition straight from school to work mode.  

With her new work schedule, she started at the school at the beginning of the school day, instead of after morning recess. She ended up getting more time in the classroom and could work a full shift at work. 

As she walked towards work, she saw Justin walking out with what she assumed was his new normal of tea. He walked away from her, so she didn’t make eye contact, but seeing him made her heart flutter. 

Am I really getting real feelings for Justin Timberlake? I mean, I’ve liked him, in a way, as a fan for years, but I get to see a more normal side of him. He wouldn’t like someone like me, a regular person, someone plus side to boot. But seeing him just makes me smile. 

Her phone buzzed. Good morning. Hope you have a great day. Now her heart fluttered more, reading the text. She didn’t have time to reply before clocking in, but carried her two good feelings with her. 

On her lunch she called Danielle. “So, how did last night go without me?” Dani asked. 

“It was… interesting. Paul showed up…”

“Oh shit. Did he do anything?”

“No, cause I was too busy with Bruce. I saw Paul out of the corner of my eye, looked at Bruce, and asked him to kiss me.”

“You did WHAT?!”

“Dani, it was perfect, except it was to convince Paul of a lie.”

“Well, you did MEET someone, you’ve been SEEING him, you’re just not TOGETHER.  So what was it like?”

“I’ve never felt so safe yet hot at the same time. He used his tongue…”

“Yeah, you’re more than just friends.”

“I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend, and he’d kiss my head or my cheek, he ran his hand along my back… it was nice.  If it actually meant something.”

“Does he know?”

“I told him on the way home. He’s been so great with everything I’ve told him. That’s what makes me wonder about him. Every other guy has turned and ran even without the explanation. He’s being so respectful of my boundaries. It makes me want to just say screw it, but if this is actually gonna turn into something, I’d rather not rush in.”

“That’s great though, D.”

“There’s more. He told me I looked great, that Paul should be jealous and kicking himself for everything he put me through. I told him off he kept talking like that I’d start to think he liked me. He said ‘maybe I do…’”

“Then what?!” Dani asked excitedly. 

“He left.”

“D, he likes you. How can he not? I bet he’s just giving you space, not wanting to rush. He’s a great guy. It’s a good thing I have J or I might be jealous.”

“I keep getting mixed signals. He’ll do or say nice things, but nothing happens.”

“Again, he probably wants to give you time. This is a good thing. A little slow burn could lead to something. I know it’s hard to wait, but he’s probably wanting to be careful. He knows you’ve been hurt and doesn’t want to be the one to hurt you next.”

“I guess. But after that kiss last night, man I wish he’d hurry up.  Speaking of which, my lunch is almost over. Talk to you later.”

She finished her shift and headed home, having some of the leftover pasta she’d made the night before. She reached for her phone. 

Hope you had a good day.  It was simple and sincere. 

I did. Better now that I’m talking to you. 

There you go again… she laughed. 

I mean it. The other people I’m in more regular contact with are all work type people. Talking to you is a nice change. Hearing your voice in my head as I read helps, too.

Well, you know a bunch about me, tell me about you. 

Justin sighed. He knew he’d have to be careful with his words. Well, I’m from the South, so you’re missing out on my slight drawl. It’s not a full accent though, I moved around a bit so nothing like my mom’s Southern accent. My parents split when I was pretty much a baby, I don’t have memories of them together. I barely remember when my mom remarried, I was like 5.  Pretty close with my dad and stepmom, I have two half brothers. 

You moved around a lot? Military family?

No, just different opportunities popping up. I was born and raised in one place, then spent a long time somewhere else, then going back and forth between here and LA with work stuff, or going on tours. 

How long have you been in ‘the business’?  You’re not that old.

Justin chuckled. I’m still pretty seasoned. I’ve done a little of everything. I’ve written songs, produced, done some acting, a lot of the creative side of things. 

I hear you kinda have to in order to be working year round. I have friends on Broadway doing auditions for things close to the end of their run. What’s your favorite to do?

Well, I mean, all of it I guess. I get to use different skills in different ways. I go for projects that will challenge me, or with people I’ve worked with before. Things that mean something to me. I’ve been pretty lucky so far.   It can get lonely though, especially if I have to travel a lot. I guess that’s why I was so willing to kiss you like I did last night, it was nice to have that again. But that’s not enough reason to jump into something. 

She knew he was right. Even if they DID like each other, jumping into a relationship just for that is a recipe for trouble. It had only been 2 weeks, they were still getting to know each other. They both had baggage, hers much fresher. She knew his pain after her engagement fell apart, it took her years before she really felt ready to fall in love again. 

I know what you mean. Most of my relationships happened really fast. My big ex we dated about a week before becoming officially a couple, then jumped into things with Paul. I’m not sure I’m ready for anything yet, I want to get to know them first. 

Well, as a friend, I’m glad to do what I can if Paul is around. Even if it’s just holding your hand, it doesn’t have to be a kiss. 

I’ll keep that in mind ????. I doubt you’d need the same from me, not exactly convincing. 

How do you mean?

Someone like ME doesn’t get guys like YOU...

Come again?  Guys like me? Someone like you?

How do I say this… you’re hot and I’m well… not. You don’t see a tall, hot guy with a fat girl and think “Yeah, that makes a cute couple”.

Justin sighed, sad that she felt that way. That is no one else’s business. 

I’ve dated a couple skinny guys, but I felt like they were ashamed to be seen with me, we would go places where we didn’t know anyone or we’d actually hide our relationship from friends. 

Then they weren’t right for you. I’ll be honest, I don’t think of you like that. Your weight, I mean. Lizzo is a badass bitch that doesn’t give a fuck what people think. She does what she wants, wears what she wants, to hell with everyone else. That’s pretty damn sexy to some people, regardless of her size. I’m not ashamed to be seen with you, even as a friend. 

Deana blushed, tears welling up in her eyes. Thank you. 

I think maybe this is a good place to call it a night. We’ve been talking for a while, not that I’m complaining, but we talked about a lot of different things. My phone’s about to die, I’m terrible about charging my phone. 

Yeah, it was some good, deep conversation. Good night. 

Sleep well. ????

He put his phone down, thinking about what she had said. Is THAT why she hasn’t really pursued anything, she’s worried what other people will think? She’d seemed so confident at karaoke, until last night. I can understand that douchebag chipping away at her self esteem, but when she was on that stage, singing, it just flipped a switch. I know how that goes, performing just has that adrenaline rush. I know that feeling, seeing someone you used to be with, the feelings that come up.  To feel that put off by someone across a room, to ask me to kiss her, pretend to be what I want most, he still has a hold over her.  It’s only been a few months, and with how controlling he sounded, how much he made her believe she needed him…   I really don’t care what she looks like, that voice, the emotions she conveys when she sings, would have drawn me to her no matter what she looked like.  

Is that why she’s been so open with me?  She didn’t think anything would happen between us?  Because I let her be so open, listening like a friend instead of running away?  We’ve put our baggage out there, for the most part.  Enough where we can relate to each other, understand without exact details of things.  I think she’s beautiful on the outside, and pretty beautiful on the inside, in spite of what she’s been through.  I just hope she can see it in herself.

 

He went to bed, thinking about her, things he could do or say to help her know how beautiful she is.  

Songs: Blondie- One Way or Another, Journey- Don’t Stop Believin,  DJ Cupid- Cupid Shuffle, Pat Benatar- Hit Me With Your Best Shot

The week flew by, and it was Tuesday again.  It was becoming their favorite day of the week, almost a guarantee of seeing each other.It always seemed their best conversations came on Tuesdays or Wednesdays.  Work went by quickly for her, in anticipation of the night to come.  

Danielle came over early for dinner, and they blasted an 80’s playlist as they got ready.  Any other night, Deana would have felt they went overboard with their hair and makeup, but for 80s night, that was kinda the point.

They were ready by the time the buzzer rang three times.  “That’s Bruce,” Deana said.  “That’s the buzzer code I gave him.”

Be right down, she texted to him.  They made their way down to the lobby, Danielle walking out first.  She choked when she saw what he was wearing.  

“Oh..my...GOD!  That is too perfect!  Deana, just look at him!  Who does he remind you of?”

“The resemblance is uncanny… I gotta say.”

“I mean, some of the things are off, but you look JUST like Justin Timberlake from that SNL sketch… It’s my dick in a box!”

Justin stifled a laugh.  

“The hair isn’t quite right, missing the soul patch, but the mustache and sideburns are pretty on point.  The glasses are a bit different, and minus the box.  Deana totally wants his dick in her box, don’t you, D?  I’m a JC girl myself…” Danielle said, poking Deana in the ribs with her elbow, raising her eyebrows.

Deana blushed, Justin felt a little awkward at the comment, but also stifled a laugh. 

“Yeah, cuz THAT would ever happen.  I mean, if the situation ever presented itself, I wouldn’t say NO, but come on, that would never happen.  He’d never like someone like me…”

Don’t sell yourself short, he thought.  You just might find he does like you, maybe something more than that.

“Hey, you never know.  Especially if he’s staying in NYC.  I mean, you see him all the time…”  

His ears perked up when he heard that comment.  He cocked his eyebrow.

“I see him walking around where I work.  I’ve had a couple interactions with him, nothing major…” she shushed Danielle.  

Well, I don’t think he’d forget meeting a girl like you.  He sent it to her, even though he had no recollection of seeing her anywhere else.  You girls look great.  

They were wearing almost matching outfits, tank tops with t shirts over that went off the shoulder, black leggings, leg warmers, hair up in high side ponytails and lots of brightly colored eyeshadow and heavy eyeliner.  The shirt seemed baggy on Danielle, but on Deana it seemed to hug her in just the right places

“Deana knit the leg warmers, she’s pretty talented,” Danielle said.  Deana blushed again.

Justin tilted his head and nodded, impressed.  “It’s just a hobby,” she said.  “I’d love it to be a business, but the market is oversaturated, it’s hard to get business on Etsy and sites like that.”

They headed to the bar, people making comments about Justin’s outfit made him smile a bit. He could wear this outfit, but because of minor changes, no one thought it was really him. He felt it kind of freeing. 

They got a round of drinks, Deana put in her song slips. She kept looking at him. I can’t believe how much he looks like Justin Timberlake. Like, totally convincing. No… there’s no way…. I mean, I’d seen parts of his face, but now seeing it altogether, he’s even more good looking. Of course I have to fall for a ridiculously hot guy. Isn’t that how it always is? The hot guy with a plain Jane best friend? 

Her phone buzzed.  Penny for your thoughts.  He looked at her. 

Just noticing how much you look like Justin in that outfit. I kinda wanna call you Justin instead of Bruce. She giggled. 

He chuckled to himself. You can call me whatever you want. I’ll take it as a compliment. He smiled, this was working out way too well. 

It was Deana’s turn to sing. She got up and sang “One Way or Another”.  His eyes widened, a smile spread across his face as he watched her. He was impressed by her range, the low growl she used, and how she seemed almost playful on stage. 

“She’s good, isn’t she?” Dani asked. He gave two thumbs up, nodding emphatically. 

“You like her,” Danielle said, looking at Justin. He looked back at Dani, pinching his fingers close together to convey “a little bit”.  Dani shook her head, gesturing in kind, fingers spread far apart. Justin nodded in agreement. 

He got out his phone, knowing she would want to talk. 

“How long?” she asked. 

The whole time. 

“Why haven’t you said anything?”

She needs time. After everything with Paul, she needs to process it all, start to heal. 

“What do you like most about her?”

Everything. She’s a great singer, she seems really caring, sweet, almost to a fault. That’s also been her downfall, she sees too much good in people and ends up getting hurt. Paul being the prime example. She knew she deserved better, but was too afraid of being alone. 

“Right? It took something so traumatic for her to realize she needed out. I like you. You’ve been really good for her, and good TO her. Don’t worry, this will be our little secret,” she said, giving him a wink. 

Thank you. I’m enjoying getting to know her.

Deana finished the song and came back to the table. She had more of her drink, when the DJ started a song. 

“Come on ladies, I know it’s not 80s, but you know you know this one.  Come out on the floor and dance!”

“Cupid Shuffle” blared through the speakers, Dani grabbing Deana’s hand and running out to the dance floor. Justin sat and watched, further intrigued by Deana. When it came time to turn, she did this circular sway of her hips. He felt almost hypnotized by how she danced, so smooth and carefree. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. 

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. “You the new guy Deana’s with?” He turned to see a man about his age, olive skin, brown eyes, hair that was in desperate need of a haircut, thin build. 

Justin wished he could talk, assuming this was Paul. He nodded, it was his only real response. 

“We’ll see about that, she can’t stay away from me,” he said smugly.  He stepped uncomfortably close to Justin. 

Justin’s eyes locked onto Paul’s, and without breaking eye contact, he stood, his height and more muscular build seemed intimidating despite the costume. Justin motioned for Paul to leave. By the time the song was done, Paul was gone. 

I won’t say anything, hopefully he’ll leave her alone. If not, he’ll have me to deal with, he thought. 

“I know this is karaoke, so I wanna hear you ALL sing this next one!” the DJ said.  “Don’t Stop Believin’” came on, Deana and Danielle singing along with seemingly everyone else in the bar.  Justin focused on Deana’s voice over everyone else’s, hearing her go off on her own notes at certain times, going up a third or fifth of the chord.  He smiled, continuing to be impressed by her voice.

They sat, drinking and watching the others with their turns. Soon it was Deana’s turn again. He knew the guitar line immediately. Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”.  She was singing her heart out, stretching out notes to show off a bit. His eyes went wide again as he watched and listened. 

She’s REALLY good. Like, she could meet with a label. 

Dani looked surprised. “I mean, I knew she was good, but you really think she’s THAT good?”

Justin nodded. I’ve done work producing and stuff.  Her voice is AMAZING, she has control, range, depth.  It’s what first attracted me to her. I heard her voice without knowing what she looked like, I knew I needed to come back to see her. I was hooked. 

“Ok, now I REALLY like you,” she smiled, laughing as she spoke. Justin smiled. “You’re the first guy that hasn’t run the other way. You find all these things you like about her. You know you need to make your move at SOME point, right?”

When the time is right. I’m guessing she told you about the kiss? Dani nodded. I dream about when I get to kiss her again. She needs time, but someday...

Deana came back to her seat, they finished their drinks and headed back to Deana’s apartment. Deana walked between Danielle and Justin, talking about the outfits they saw that night. 

“You had the best outfit, ‘Justin’”, Deana laughed. Justin waved his hand in derision, pointing to both of them. 

“Still no voice? It’s been 3 weeks,” Deana asked. Justin shook his head and shrugged. 

They reached the front steps of the apartment. “I’ll meet you upstairs, give you two some privacy,” she smiled, winking at them. 

“She’s incorrigible,” Deana laughed. “I should’ve asked her to take a picture of us so we can get your whole outfit. A selfie will just have to do so I’ll always remember this.”  Justin leaned in close to her for a picture together. He smiled, close enough he could smell the floral scent of her shampoo. He easily could have kissed her cheek, but decided against it. Deana, however, turned to face him, her lips softly against his cheek. He smiled a wide, content smile. 

You were great tonight Deana, honestly. I was telling Danielle you missed your calling, you could be a professional singer. Either a backup singer for someone, honestly good enough you could get a record deal. 

Deana’s eyes widened a bit.  “Really?  I had wanted to be a singer when I was younger, but I didn’t think I was good enough.  I don’t know that I could handle all that pressure though, especially as a plus sized female.”

The industry is changing.  Again, look at Lizzo, Adele.  They’re changing the game.  

“I dunno.  I know teaching doesn’t make much, but maybe being available as backup vocals might not be a bad idea.  I don’t know how I’d get into that though.”

He waved his hands in front of her with raised eyebrows.  Uh, hello.  I have connections.

“You’d do that, for me? No, no, that’s too much…”

Think about it.  You are incredible.  With a little coaching on proper technique and mechanics, you’d be a force to be reckoned with.  

“Fine, I’ll think about it.  Karaoke has been my only real option, I’m not exactly a songwriter or anything to do open mic stuff.  I mean, I did when I was younger, but I think that all got lost at some point, it was just lyrics, no real clue what I was doing.”

Then seriously consider my offer.  Not saying you’d have to rush off tomorrow, but when you’re ready, let me know.  I should let you get going, no sense in staying out here all night.  

“I think Dani’s expecting some crazy thing like last week, leaving us out here alone.”

Show her the picture.  That should satisfy her for now.  Can you send that to me?  I want to remember tonight, too.

 

She nodded, sending him the pictures she took of them.  She hugged him, he held her close to him for a while, neither of them wanting to end it.  A light hum escaped Deana’s lips, a smile widened across Justin’s face.  Justin slowly let go of her, watching her go into the lobby and upstairs.  By the time she got up to her apartment and to the window overlooking the street, he had walked away.

Justin woke up the next morning with a smile.  He looked at his phone, smiling at his updated wallpaper.  The picture of Deana kissing his cheek the night before.  He remembered the conversation he had with Danielle.  Hopefully she’ll keep her promise and not blow my cover, he thought.  I’m glad she likes me.  The best friend’s approval is everything.  Now to just get to know Deana more and wait for the right moment.

He went into the bathroom and shaved everything back down to all match after growing what he’d needed for his look last night. It was mid morning by the time he finally got dressed enough to go out and get his tea. I could probably make this at home for cheaper, but lately, it’s been nice seeing Michele and making her smile. There’s something familiar about her, I know she’s a fan but doesn’t seem all that starstruck. She’s my favorite there, especially after the pickle juice suggestion. It’s growing on me. It’s not like a sore throat, but it was a sweet suggestion and totally makes sense for a real sore throat. 

He placed his mobile order and started walking to pick it up. Hopefully she’s there, sometimes she’s not.   He thought more about the night before, particularly about his interaction with Paul. He seemed so smug, sure that Deana will go back to him. I hope she wouldn’t do something like that. That she’d give time for something between us. I’m fairly sure she likes me, after how interested Dani was with everything. But what if she DOES go back to him and I miss my chance? Would she leave him to be with me?

I could see why she fell for him, he’s good looking enough; especially if it’s been years since anyone has stuck around to get to know her. That’s their loss, hopefully my gain. I shouldn’t say it that way, but I see things in her that she doesn’t see in herself, that those other idiots didn’t take the time to learn. Men really can be stupid sometimes, but I won’t make the same mistakes they did.  I’m really hoping now that he’s met me, he’ll stay away. For her sake as well as mine. I don’t like being in that mode, but if I need to in order to keep her safe, I will. It was like an instinct, to intimidate him to make him go away. I just hope it worked. 

He walked into the Starbucks, and he felt a smile spread across his face. There she was, her smiling face ready with his tea. He was in no hurry, so he sat at a table, watching her. The way she interacted with the customers, her coworkers. He tried not to be obvious in watching her. If he knew she was another side of Deana, he wouldn’t have minded just staring at her. In this space, she was Michele, a friendly face that treated him like a person, not a celebrity. 

…

Deana was still getting used to her new normal, going to the classroom earlier meant she couldn’t sleep in as much. She showered, got dressed, and headed to the school. She kept looking at the pictures on her phone. It is crazy how much he looks like Justin. I knew he was good looking, but DAMN. Still, there’s no way it’s him.  I mean, he sees me at work from time to time, but he wouldn’t take notice of someone like me.  He’s got all his friends, why would he slum it with regular people?  I’m lucky he even comes into my work, especially right now for tea he could make at home.  

She was soon able to distract herself a bit with the kids.  She was quickly learning the morning circle time routine, things she honestly couldn’t remember if she had done when she was in first grade.  She assumed that she must have, at some point, but maybe times had changed since then.  One additional perk to her new schedule was that she could stay during recess if she wanted, and could go into the teacher’s lounge.  Ms. S. invited her in to talk at recess time.

“Deana, thank you so much for everything you’ve been doing.  I know it means a lot to me, especially with everything after losing your grandma.  I have a lot of memories of her picking you up from school.  Your whole family is important to me.  I just wanted to say that you’re the happiest lately that I’ve seen you in a long time.  Whatever is going on, keep it up.”

Deana blushed a little.  “Well, I met this guy.  It’s only been a few weeks, but he’s been really nice.”

“Well, I’d say he’s worth having around if he makes you feel this way.  Do you have a picture?”

“Just ones from Halloween and an 80s themed karaoke night last night,” she said, showing pictures on her phone.

“Oh, is he ever handsome...” Ms. S. laughed.

“Yeah, I know.  Feels too good to be true, you know?  I mean, we’re just friends right now, but still.”

“You have a lot to offer, Deana.  You’re kind, caring, compassionate.  There aren’t many people like you in the world, don’t sell yourself short.  We’ve kept in touch all these years.  Not a lot of students do that.”

“For you they do,” Deana said.  

“Maybe, but how many of your other teachers over the years do you still keep in touch with?”

“Less than five.  I’m friends with my 7th grade math teacher on Facebook, but that’s about all I can find that accept my requests.  You’re the only one I see on a regular basis, have really kept in touch with.”

“That’s the life of a teacher.  You’re in their life for less than a year, and hope they remember you for the rest of their lives.  Some do, most don’t.  Even the good teachers.  It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the nature of things.  You’re not the type of person someone just forgets.  I know sometimes it can feel lonely, but I’m sure you pop up in memories of friends you haven’t seen in years.  That’s how it goes sometimes, the givers seem to get overlooked, but they usually aren’t forgotten.”

“I gotta head to work, but I’ll be back next week.”

“I’d like to take you out to dinner this weekend, as a thank you for everything, and to talk for more than just a few minutes.  You can tell me all about this young man.  Maybe even bring him along, if he wants.”

“I’ll see, he’s battling something right now, he lost his voice, bad sore throat, something.  It’s a lot of texting back and forth, that might be too much for him, but I’ll ask.”

“Great.  Let’s make it a special night out, Del Frisco’s Grille in Manhattan.  See you around 7 on Saturday?”

Deana nodded.  “I’ll see you then.  Thanks, Ms. S.”

She headed to work, thinking about what Ms. S. had said about Bruce/Justin.  I am a lot happier lately, except for the shit with Paul.  I know having a man in my life shouldn’t be the only thing to make me happy, and we’re not even together.  I guess just having him as a friend is making me feel this way?  Maybe because it’s Wednesday?  I get to see Ms. S., the kids, and on a good day, I’ll see Justin at work.  I should tell him I saw his doppelganger last night. No, that would just come off weird, I have a habit of doing stuff like that.

She got into work, clocked in, and got ready for her spot working on the bar.  It was her favorite part, making the drinks for people, getting to talk to them as they waited.  She hadn’t been on for very long when she saw his mobile order.  A smile widened across her face.  She enjoyed her job, but seeing Justin was an added perk.  She smiled as she saw him walk in, his drink ready.  She started on the next set of drinks,  noticing he sat down at a table.  

He usually doesn’t stay, she thought.  She continued working, admittedly a bit distracted by his lingering presence.  There were times where she could almost swear he was watching her.  She shook off the feeling.  It wasn’t until a coworker at the register walked over and whispered “he keeps looking at you…” that she blushed. 

She went out for her break to get some fresh air. She jumped when she felt a tap on her shoulder. There he was, right in front of her. He smiled softly; she tried to stay calm. He put something in her hand, nodded towards it, smiled a little wider, and walked away. She looked in her hand to find a folded brown napkin. Inside was a $20 bill and writing on the napkin. This is all I had on me. Thank you for being you- kind, sweet, and funny to everyone that walks through those doors. 

She looked up and he was gone. Tears welled up within her. I know I love my job, but I never thought anything like this would happen. Yeah, I see him a few times a week, but that was the longest I’ve seen him hang around. He picked up on that in a while of being there? I know I try to just internally freak out when he’s here, I’m sure he appreciates that. This day just gets better and better. 

She went back inside until it was time for her lunch break. She took out her phone. 

Hey ‘Justin’, do you have plans for Saturday? My mentor teacher is taking me out to dinner, thought maybe you’d like to come along. Meet the woman that inspired me. 

He thought for a bit before responding. I’d like to, but with not being able to talk it’d just be weird. You’d have to talk for me, or pass phones back and forth. I definitely want to meet the woman that helped you find your passion, sure she’s amazing like you. 

Deana blushed a little. We’ve been in contact for so long. She came to my sister’s wedding, someday I want her to come to mine, she’s close with my parents. Dad was head of the PTA until I got into high school. I got to know more of my teachers than regular kids, but she was one that stuck, ya know?

I have some people like that in my life. Question though, why bring me?

To be completely honest?

Please. 

At recess she told me she’s never seen me so happy, so myself. I guess I figure you had something to do with that. 

Now it was Justin’s turn to blush, smiling at her text. Glad I’m helping you be happy again. You deserve that. I’m feeling happier, too. Being around you is making the crap situation with work into something good. 

I’ve also had a REALLY good day at work so far, so I’ve got that going for me, too. 

I’m glad. You’ve had too much shit thrown at you, it’s time some good came your way. 

Hopefully your work thing is back on soon. 

I do and I don’t. It’s a LOT of travel, so I’ll be gone for a while. I’ll miss you. 

Deana’s heart swelled. I’ll miss you too. Can I retract my statement? Lol

I wouldn’t have met you if things hadn’t stalled, so I’m glad it happened, in hindsight. Ooh, that’s a great name for a book…

You mean Justin’s new book? You just keep finding ways to make me smile. I loved seeing all the pictures and things. Not gonna lie, I wish he’d talked as much about *NSYNC as he did some of the other stuff. 

Justin sighed. You got it already?

Bought it the first day. Kinda my tradition, getting things the day they release. Once I discovered Harris Potter, I did all the midnight book releases, movie releases. I bought 3 copies of No Strings Attached when it came out. One to listen to, one as a backup, and a third just to help outsell the Backstreet Boys. 

Justin chuckled. Big fan, huh?

OH YEAH.  First celebrity crush where I had to have all the pictures, merchandise, all of that. Dani made me a sweatshirt for my 17th birthday that had a picture of Justin on the front, and our names together on the back- Justin and Deana. I wish I still had it, not sure when I lost it. My friends and I wrote an *NSYNC story where I was your best friend back home, you and all the guys are there to take us to the prom, for some reason. Dumb teenage girl stuff. Senior year I tried to put *NSYNC in literally every project I could. Over half of my senior English project involved *NSYNC in some way. Camped overnight for concert tickets, everything. Kinda outgrew parts of that once I graduated, but still a big Justin fan, buy all his albums on release day, physical copies, not just digital versions. 

I know he’s very thankful for his fans, at the beginning and now. They’re the reason he does what he does. 

Well, I gotta get back in to work, but thanks for letting me talk *NSYNC, never met a guy that really let me do that. 

Have a great rest of your day. Talk to you later Deana. 

 

Justin sighed. Well, so much for giving her a signed copy if she already has a copy of her own. 

It was late Saturday afternoon, and Deana was excited for her dinner with Ms. S. She’d see her at the grocery store or things, but had never just spent real time with her outside of the classroom one on one. 

Hey, have a great time at dinner, sorry I can’t make it. Where are you ladies going?

Del Frisco’s Grille in Manhattan. She wanted to make it special. 

I’ve been there, you’ll like it, great food. You gonna dress up at all?

Maybe. You think I should?

An old family friend is taking you to a nice place for dinner. Yeah, I think you should. What’re you gonna wear?

Well, not the jeans I was planning on wearing. Jesus, it’s like a date. Black dress? I have one that goes to my knees, I can pair it with a sweater, heels. 

Take a picture and send it to me. 

Gimme a bit. 

She changed into the dress, it clung to her torso, floating out at her hips into a full skirt, sleeveless with a boatneck neckline. She kept her hair down, curls cascading down over her shoulders. She pointed a bit back to show simple stud earrings. 

She snapped a picture of herself in her full length mirror and sent it to him. 

Wow. Beautiful...

She blushed.  I haven’t done my makeup yet

You don’t need it. A simple sweater will dress it down a bit. You have any simple dress shoes that aren’t heels?

I have some ballet flats. 

Perfect. You really do look amazing. Now I wish I was going. 

It’s not too late…

No. You ladies have fun though. Promise me one thing though…?

Depends on what the promise is…

I get to take you out to dinner in that dress. 

I don’t think it’ll fit you… she laughed. 

You know what I mean. That I get to see you in that dress in person. 

I think I can keep that promise. 

I can’t wait.  Have a good night. 

He put his phone down. Back to the conundrum. I wish I could talk so I could see her tonight, but if I could talk I’d be on tour and never meet her. She looked amazing in that dress. God DAMN, the dress, her hair, she’d look amazing in heels. The perfect height for that perfect kiss… Damnit Justin, snap out of it.  I need to talk to Trace. He’ll help me figure out what to do. 

…

Deana arrived at the restaurant, Ms. S. was waiting for her. “Glad to see you, sweetheart,” she said, hugging Deana. 

They were seated at a table, and a bottle of champagne was brought to the table. “Compliments of a Bruce Wayne, he said you’d understand,” said a server. 

Deana sighed. “He didn’t. No, this is totally like him…”

Ms. S. had a slightly confused look on her face. 

“My gentleman friend. He knows we’re here, what I’m wearing, he must have called and arranged this.  It’s not the first time he’s done something like this.”

“Well, to Mr. Bruce Wayne,” Ms. S. said, raising her glass. 

“That’s not his real name. His name is Bruce, but I don’t know his last name. I met him around Halloween, he was dressed as Batman.”

“Sounds like things are going well though, if he’s surprising you with things.”

“I guess.  It’s hard to know what he’s thinking about all of this.  He’ll do and say these super sweet things, then say something that makes me feel like we’re just friends.”

“Well, that isn’t the worst thing in the world, is it?”

“No.  I just keep going back and forth between wanting to be interested, and wanting to be friends.”

“It’s only been a few weeks, just see where things go.  Keep getting to know him.  Again, I’ve never seen you so happy.  If he has anything to do with that, he’s worth hanging on to, even as a friend.”

“He helped me pick out my outfit tonight.  Told me how beautiful I looked, that he wished he could be here.  He promised that he’d take me out to dinner so he can see me in this dress.”

“Then it sounds like there’s something there, just wait and things will happen when they’re meant to.”

They ordered their meals, talked about the class, teaching in general, memories from when Deana was in her class, and how their families were doing.  They ordered dessert, enjoying the food and atmosphere.  They waited for the check, even after they finished dessert and their plates were cleared.  

“Excuse me,” Ms. S. said, flagging down their server, “Can we get the check?”

“Oh, it’s been taken care of.  Enjoy your evening ladies.”

“Bruce…” Deana sighed.

“He’s doing this without even being here?  I think he likes you…” Ms. S. said.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately…”  she took out her phone.

Thank you, maybe someday I’ll get to actually spend time with you on things you’re going to pay for…

Karaoke doesn’t count?

No.  

Are you asking me on a date?

Maybe I am.  She blushed a little, worried about his response.

I accept.  Leave the rest to me.

Deana’s mouth dropped.  “He just agreed to a date!” she squealed.

“When?” Ms. S. asked excitedly.

“I guess we have to figure that out.  But it’s exciting, a step in the right direction.”

“You deserve it, Deana.  I remember when you first told me your engagement was off.  It was like an out of body experience.  Watching you go through similar feelings I had when I found out my marriage was over.  You’re still young, it’s not too late to find your happy ever after.”

“Well, thank you for coming out, and for everything you’ve been doing when you come in.  It helps me, the kids LOVE you, I can’t wait to hear about your own class someday.  I hope everything goes well with Bruce.”

“Thanks, Ms. S.  I’ll see you on Wednesday morning.”

They both left the restaurant, Deana taking out her phone and calling Danielle.  “You will NOT believe my night…”

“With Ms. S.?  Why do you sound so excited, no offense?”

“Well, beforehand, I talked to Bruce.  Told him where we were going, and trying to figure out what to wear.  I showed him the outfit he suggested, a black dress, and he said I looked beautiful, and that he was sad he couldn’t make it.  Too much trying to go back and forth with him not being able to talk, it just wouldn’t work.  He promised me he’d take me on a date where I could wear the dress again. Then, he called the restaurant, got us a bottle of champagne, and paid for the whole meal.”

“Of course he did, I’m sensing a trend here…”

“I went to thank him, and said one of these times I’d like him to actually BE with me on one of these things if he’s going to pay.  He asked if I was asking him on a date, I said ‘maybe’, and he said yes!”

“WHAT?!”

“I know.  He said he’ll figure everything else out.”

“No wonder you’re so excited. Do you know when?”

“No. I guess he’ll tell me when. I mean, if he wants me to show up, I’ll need to know where and when.”

“I just wonder how he can afford all this…” Dani said. 

“He said he’s produced stuff, does a bit of everything, so maybe that’s how.  If he can afford to, I won’t complain. I mean, I’d be ok with just karaoke and something small.  I’m not interested in his money, no matter how much or little he has.”

“Well, hoping this is the start of something for you two.  I gotta get going, J is waiting for me…”

“Enough said, I don’t need to know either way.  Night Dani.”

“Good night, D.”

…

Justin looked at his phone.  Yeah, I need to talk to Trace.  Now’s as good a time as any.  He’s my best friend, I don’t know why this is so hard.  Maybe because I already know what he’ll say…

Hey man, you free to talk?

Yeah J, what’s up?

So, there’s this girl…

Another one?  What now, actress, model?  Since when do YOU need advice from ME on women?

This one’s different.  I heard her one night as I walked past a bar doing karaoke night.  She’s legit, or could be if she wanted to.  Her voice drew me in, I had to come back the next week to see who she was.  She’s amazing.  It’s been a month and I think I’m hooked.  

So what’s the problem?  Even without your voice you’re Justin fucking Timberlake…

She doesn’t know who I am.  I never saw her the first week, and the second was Halloween.  I told her my name was Bruce, like Bruce Wayne.

What the fuck?

I want her to like ME, not my name and all that shit.  She’s got baggage, but she’s opened up to me about all of it, I actually wanted to listen.

You normally run at the smallest HINT of baggage.

She’s worth it.  She’s so beautiful, but she doesn’t even see it in herself.  She needs time to heal from the shit she’s been through.

So give her time.

I am, but things keep happening.

Such as?

She has a SUPER toxic ex that still wants to be in the picture.  She saw him at karaoke one night and asked me to kiss her, pretend to be her boyfriend.  Man, it felt so GOOD to kiss her, it was so different than what I expected.  I’ve been able to hold her as she fought back tears, or actually DID cry, like she felt safe with me.  

You got a picture?

Justin sent him the picture of her that he’d received just minutes before.  Dude, she’s not your usual type…

Justin felt something like anger fire up inside of him.  I don’t care.  I think she’s amazing, smart, driven, talented, caring and kind.  This could be it, man.  She’s just so different from anyone I’ve ever been with.

Looks like she ATE girls you’ve been with.

Fuck you, Trace.  I know people expect that I’m that shallow, but I honestly don’t really see it.  I see beautiful eyes that have stared into my soul.  I see curves that just don’t stop, legs that go on for days, and a smile I’d literally do anything to see.  It sounds cliche, but it just means there’s more for me to love.

The media is gonna have a field day with this, you know that?  At first you might get away with them thinking she’s a publicist or something, but the first they see you kiss her, that she’s your new girlfriend, they’re gonna be relentless.  Don’t pretend like they won’t.  I hope she’s thick skinned, she’s gonna need it.

I still don’t care.  That’s not why I reached out, bro.

What can I do to help?

If you didn't know what she looked like, what would you tell me to do to win her over?  We’re friends right now, I’m giving her time, but I need a plan.  I was supposed to go out with her to dinner tonight.  She promised she’d go on a date with me so I could see that dress in person.

Great, she’s got a date with you, at some point.

But WHEN?  

Dude, you’re in NYC until this whole vocal cord thing is over.  There’s plenty of time.  What have you done so far to show you like her?

I gave her and her BFF brunch, spa day, and Broadway tickets, all with a private driver.  Paid for it all.

OK, could you do that with where she is tonight?  Pay for dinner even though you aren’t there?  I mean, you’d insist on paying if you HAD gone tonight, so what’s the difference?

Yeah, I’ll do that.  But what next?

Honestly you just gotta wait man.  If you wanna give her time, you have to actually let time pass.  Just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.  I’m sorry about what I said…

No you’re not, you are one of the few people that doesn’t BS me and tell me what I wanna hear.  If you met her, you’d see what I see.

I’ll take your word for it until I can.  Did any of that help?

I dunno.  I knew what you were gonna say already, I just needed to hear it come from somewhere beyond my brain.  

Glad I could help…  I hope she’s just as crazy about you as you are about her.

Me too, man.  Me too.

He called the restaurant, giving them a description of the dress Deana was going to wear.  He ordered champagne for the table, and arranged to pay for their meal.  Now he just had to wait.

I know where I want to take her on our date.  Did we even call it a date, or just going out to dinner?  He panicked a little.  Still plenty of time to clarify that it IS a date, not like it’s tomorrow or anything.  Question is WHEN.  I want to be able to TELL her, not text her, how gorgeous she looks.  I think there’s some time between my birthday show and the next tour date, a couple days in between that I can take advantage of.    

He continued to think things over when his phone buzzed.  Thank you, maybe someday I’ll get to actually spend time with you on things you’re going to pay for…

He smiled.  I’ll be funny first before asking if she actually meant a date, he thought.

 

His smile widened as they texted.  Did SHE just ask me on a date?  I guess I better check…  Well, now I guess I have TWO dates to plan, and I think I know just where to go.  I just need to make sure they have a table available…

 

It was Tuesday night again, and Deana was excited to see him.  She wasn’t sure what to call him.  Do I go with Bruce, or do I stick with my joke of calling him Justin?  

She scrolled through her Facebook, when a memory popped up. She went through the different posts from that day over the years. A couple made her emotional. 5 years ago had been their engagement party, 7 years ago had been a vague post about an earlier boyfriend. People she thought would be in her life forever. Life had other plans. She missed those days, the friends she’d had then. Before her big heartbreaks. 

She got dressed for karaoke, still in her clothes from work. She wore a medium green scoop neck tee, dark jeans, tan ankle boots, with a long but simple chain necklace. She pulled back part of her hair, enough to be out of her eyes but left the rest down. She threw on some tan shades of eyeshadow, light eyeliner and mascara. Her glasses were just for work, at least that’s what she’d told herself. She hated how they looked on her, no matter which style she went with, but refused to get contacts and touch her eyes. 

Danielle came up and had a quick bite to eat, mooching food from the fridge. She finished eating when the buzzer rang three times. 

“Your man is here,” Danielle chirped. Deana grabbed her black jacket and they headed downstairs. 

Justin was in dark jeans, his peacoat, and a scarf trying to cover his face. He had a black beanie down over his ears. He walked between the two girls, and soon they were at the bar. They found a table, had a seat, and Danielle got up to get the first round of drinks. 

Deana took off her jacket, resting it on the back of her chair. “I meant it as a joke, but do you really want me calling you Justin?” she asked him. 

You could call me Dog Shit and I wouldn’t care. 

“Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. But Justin’s ok?”  

He nodded. 

You look nice tonight. Not too dressed up but more than casual. Your shirt really brings out your eyes. 

Deana tried not to blush. 

You have trouble with ANY kind of compliment, don’t you?

“Pretty much. I grew up hearing the opposite of compliments from almost anyone not family or close friends. I really need some kind of therapist, but who can afford one?”

I’m here to listen. He put his hand on hers, looking into her eyes. She felt safe in that moment, knowing he would listen to whatever she had to tell him. 

“I’ll just sing about it instead, for now. Then we can talk later.”  Justin nodded in understanding. 

Danielle brought back song slips for Deana to fill out along with their drinks. Deana filled them out quickly and went up to the DJ booth. 

“So, I hear you two have a date set up?” Danielle asked. Justin held up two fingers in response. 

“TWO dates?! I guess I missed that when she told me. You know where you’re taking her?”

Justin nodded, pointing to his head. 

“You have some in mind.  They better be good.”

Wait till she tells you all about them. One will have to be a while. I wanna take her to one special place, but I want to be able to TALK to her, not like this…

“Will the other one be soon?”

I have to check their reservations, but as soon as I can get a reservation, I have the perfect place in mind. 

Deana came back to the table and sat in her seat between Justin and Danielle. The rotation of singers started, and soon it was Deana’s turn. Slow music started, the notes low and sad. He watched her, so much expression in her face and voice. 

“These wounds won’t seem to heal, the pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.”  She looked as if she was going to cry. 

Any more shit from Paul lately? he asked Danielle, looking concerned towards Deana. 

“Not that she told me, no.”

She looks so sad for some reason. She said she’d sing about some stuff tonight, and that we’d talk about it later. 

“I have no clue, I’m just as lost,” Danielle answered as Deana continued to sing. 

He watched her, feeling her pain as she sang, yet didn’t know what was causing it. He hoped she’d open up to him again, even if it meant more baggage. 

Deana finished the song, sat down in her seat and sighed before taking a couple gulps of her drink. Justin looked at her, brows furrowed in worry. 

You sounded beautiful, but so sad. 

“Later,” Deana said. Justin put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. She gave in, putting her head on his shoulder. He gently kissed the top of her head as he rubbed his arm along her shoulder. 

Justin could smell her shampoo, a mix of lilac and lavender. Such a comforting scent in a comforting moment. 

“I like this,” Deana whispered. He squeezed her tight in an attempt to say ‘me too’, giving a low hum in agreement. 

Dani glanced at them, smiling at her best friend in a touching moment. 

They stayed like that through a couple songs, until Deana sat up and had more of her drink. 

“I think I want to have him come up, so we can talk,” Deana whispered to Dani. 

“I’ll make myself scarce when we get back,” Dani said in understanding. 

“Only if you want, it’s just to talk,” Deana repeated. 

We’ll see, Dani thought. 

Soon it was Deana’s turn to sing again. Another lower register song, but the tempo was much faster. “You took my hand, you showed me how. 

You promised me you'd be around Uh-huh, that's right…” Justin noticed she still seemed sad, even if the tempo didn’t match the emotion she was conveying. 

She finished the song, sat down, and finished her drink before she was ready to go. Justin helped her with her jacket before heading out the door. 

You wanna talk about things now? he asked, his eyes wide in curious concern. 

“I was browsing through my Facebook earlier, and it brought up a lot of things. Memories with exes.  5 years ago was our engagement party…”

“Shit, D, I’m sorry,” Danielle said. “But it was good that it didn't work out. He was young, stupid, it would’ve put SO much pressure on you…”

“Yeah, I would’ve had to have a job and be doing school, not a lot of time early on in a marriage. I know, I see it now, but it still hurts. It reminded me of all the friends I lost in the breakup. Friends I had for years, before him, that stopped talking to me or continued hanging out with him. Just sad at how much I forgot I’d lost…”

Danielle took her hand. “You still have me…” she smiled. 

Justin took her other hand, squeezing it tight, nodding and looking at her. 

Deana softly smiled at both of them. “Thanks, both of you.”

They got to the apartment. “I’m gonna head up and go to bed,” Danielle said. “Have a good night, you two,” she sang as she opened the lobby door. 

Deana stood there, nervous. 

You ok? You haven’t been your usual self tonight. Nothing new with Paul along with all this?

“No, nothing with Paul. Just what I said earlier, remembering old relationships, friends or otherwise. There is more I want to talk about, do you want to come up so we’re comfortable and not out in the cold?”

Justin nodded softly. I’m here to listen. 

 

She took his hand and looked deeply in his eyes. “No, I think WE need to talk…”

They made their way up to her apartment. Deana slowly opened the door and turned on the light. 

“Anything to drink?” she offered. 

Water is fine, thanks. Deana grabbed a couple glasses from the cupboard, put some ice in each, and took a pitcher out of the fridge to fill the glasses. 

She crossed the room, handing one to Justin as they sat on the couch. There was some room between them, both of them nervous about what was to come. 

Deana sighed. “There’s a little more you need to know before we talk. Even though these relationships are long over, the hurt is still there. I don’t know that it will ever go away, there will always be that ‘what if’ in my head from time to time…”

I totally understand. I think a lot of people are like that, especially with the more important relationships. I have those moments myself, sometimes. 

“I don’t see them anymore. My big ex was totally worried about the guy I was with before him. We were still friends, and he worried I’d take him back.  It took me a year trying to prove to him I was in it for the long haul.”

I can see where both of you are coming from on that. On the one hand, you wanted to prove you’d moved on and how much you loved him. On the other hand, if it were me, I’d be terrified to lose you.

“Which brings us to now. What’s going on between us?”

I don’t think it’s a secret or a surprise to either of us that there’s something between us. I find you intriguing, captivatingly beautiful, exceptionally kind and caring. 

Deana looked up with wide eyes. “You really like me that way?  It’s not just nice words and being a friend?”

You really thought we were just friends?  I figured the kiss alone was obvious enough, then the treating you and Dani to a day together, then your dinner on Saturday…

“But you kept saying ‘what are friends for?’ or ‘as a friend’...”

Yeah, to give you some space and respect your boundaries, and not rush into anything. I want to make sure you’re ready to be with someone and have it MEAN something. I have two great dates sitting in my head, waiting for the right time. 

Deana sat there for a minute. It felt like an eternity to both of them. “I’ve been burned SO many times, I guess I was just trying to protect myself. People keep saying you like me based on things you’ve done or said. I wanted to believe it, but I’d been friendzoned so many times that I was afraid to feel anything for you. I do, of course, I mean look at you. But look at me, did I really think I had a chance with you like that?”

He took her hand to stop her. I can’t STOP looking at you. I could do nothing but look at you for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be enough. I want to be friends so you know me well enough to decide what you want. I don’t want to rush into anything and hurt you. I think this could really be the start of something, when you’re ready. 

“I have two modes- glacially slow, or jump all in. I’m trying to be better about things, but after being hurt so much, so often, I guess I’ve made excuses in order to protect myself.  I do like you, I’ve just been afraid of getting hurt again.”

I never want to hurt you. You are worth waiting for. When you’re ready to jump in, I’ll be here. It’s worth the wait, YOU are worth all of this.  

Tears started to well up in Deana’s eyes.  Justin slowly moved closer to her, in case she just needed to be held.  Deana sighed.  “You’re sure you’re ok with this?  Getting to know each other, taking things slow?  I’m nervous to even put a name on what we want to call this.  Are we together?”

I won’t lie, I’d like to be.  But only when you’re ready.  That moment we had tonight, where I held you, kissed the top of your head, I liked that too.  I understand it’s complicated, you’re trying to get over Paul before rushing into things with someone else.  I have no idea when I’ll get put back on tour, it could be within a few days notice and I’m gone for 3-4 months.  I just know I can’t wait for every Tuesday, I hear your voice when I read your texts, and picture your smile in my head.  If moments like tonight are all you are ready for, I’ll take it.

“Why am I freaking out that you are being REALLY understanding and ok with all this?”

Because your guard is still up.  You trust me with a lot of things, but past experiences have made you think there’s ulterior motives.  I might’ve been like that when I was younger, but I’m pushing 40 and past that bullshit.  I’m ready for something real.  This could be it.  It scares me, too, but only because of how chaotic my life can be with what I do.  Nothing about you, about US, scares me.  

“I just don’t want this to be a rebound thing.  I wasn’t even looking for anything with him, and I fell for him.”

I know.  I feel the same way about you.  A relationship was honestly the last thing on my mind 6 weeks ago, I was so focused on working.  Then I heard your voice, and I was hooked.  The most terrifying thing to me right now is hurting you, leaving you behind for work and you feeling like you did something wrong.  Not being able to hold you if you need it.

“So now that everything’s out in the open, what do we do?”

Whatever you are ok with.  If you want to be together, let me know.  If it’s ok, I can kiss your cheek, the top of your head for now.  I think it might be best if you kiss me when you’re ready for that, just so there’s no pressure and you don’t misread anything.  Please don’t doubt yourself, or how I feel about you.  I feel it’s pretty clear after talking, what each of us wants, but it is just going to take some time.  

“Can you hold me for a while?  I like how safe I feel in your arms…”

He nodded, pulling her close on the couch, her back to him.  She sunk into his embrace, his arms around her waist, her head resting on his shoulder.  

“I could stay like this forever…” she sighed.  He nodded.  “I guess I should let you get home.  Thank you, for everything.  No other guy has been this understanding, like, ever.  Not just after Paul.”

Then they weren’t right for you.  I mean it, take as much time as you need.  If we can keep things like they have been, where I can be a friend, source of comfort, I’m fine with that until you’re ready to make it something more.  I know that feels like a lot of pressure, but please don’t feel that way.  Take your time, do what you need to do to move on and be able to be with someone again, even if it isn’t with me.  

“Can we try a date, and see where things go?  Maybe next weekend?”

It’s a date.  Not black dress date, I’m saving that one for something special.  I’ll check on reservations, they fill up fast.

“Oh.  I feel kinda bad you’re spending all this money on me, like you’re trying to impress me.  You don’t need to do that, especially since you’re not working…”

I’m still getting paid, believe me.  It’s not to impress you, I want to give you what I think you deserve.  So far it’s been time with a best friend and dinner with a mentor, meaningful moments for you.  If I were trying to impress you, you’d know it.  They are big gestures, I get that, but ones I WANT to make because of how much you mean to me.  

 

“Ok.  I guess that makes sense.”  She stood up off the couch, hesitantly heading towards the door.  Justin followed in kind.  “Good night.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”  He nodded, giving her a quick hug.  She opened the door and he left.  She felt as if her heart would break into a million tiny pieces watching him leave.  He likes me, she thought to herself, so why do I feel sad?

Deana’s phone buzzed. Do you want to talk NOW, or on your lunch/after work?  Deana smiled knowing Danielle was waiting up for her. 

Deana opened the door to Danielle’s room. “Reader’s Digest version now, then other parts later.”

Danielle sat up in her bed, and Deana sat down at the foot of the bed. 

“So he’s basically leaving it up to me. We both admitted there are feelings there, but he wants me to be ready for a relationship first. He doesn’t want to hurt me, and is willing to wait until I decide what I want.”

“What DO you want?” Dani asked. 

“I want him. I just need to know that things are done with Paul. For me, it’s over. But I’m not sure about him.”

“FUCK Paul and what HE wants. You don’t want him back, that’s all there is to it. You want to be with Bruce, what more do you need to know?”

Deana sighed. “I don’t know. I think I just need a few more weeks. We have a date next weekend.”

“Well, that’s definitely a step forward.”

“I wanted him to kiss me, but at the same time felt like it’s too soon. He told me it’s all up to me. If I’m ready to kiss him, I need to make the move. That way I don’t misread things from him. I’m just so in my head.  I need to get to bed, you can lecture me later on why I should jump right in…”

“You know me so well,” Dani laughed. “Goodnight. This is all god stuff, D. I can tell her genuinely cares about you.”

“So did my exes, at first…”

Deana closed the door. Danielle sighed in her bed. “You really are your own worst enemy, D,” she said aloud. “Don’t ruin it with this guy.”

…

Deana woke the next morning feeling a mix of emotions. I’m glad I know how he feels, but now I need to figure out what I feel. I know I like him, but is it too soon? Was I sad last night because I knew I should’ve just said we’re together instead of dragging this on?  Because I’m worried about disappointing and losing him?  I know he said he’d wait, but it’s already been a month. Is he really gonna turn away any other woman just for me?  

She dressed for work before heading out to the school. She was almost to the school when her phone buzzed. 

Good morning beautiful. Hope it’s ok I texted. 

She smiled. You can text me anytime you want ???? I may not always answer, but you can always text. Heading to see my mentor teacher and her kiddos, then work. You’re getting my day off to a great start. 

I’m still feeling good from last night. There’s this AMAZING girl I know, I think she likes me… ????

Guy like you? She’d be crazy not to like you. 

Yeah, but we’re taking it slow, cause I really like her back and I don’t wanna fuck things up. 

I dunno how you could. Fuck things up I mean. I gotta get going but I’ll text when I can. 

Bye for now, beautiful. 

She started her day on an amazing emotional high, walking into the classroom with a huge smile on her face. The kids were finishing circle time and getting ready for a writing assignment. 

“Are things going well with Bruce?” Ms. S. asked. 

“We talked last night. He’s definitely interested, but we’re taking it slow. He’s giving me time after my last relationship, that I’m ready to be with him, not just to be with someone. We have a date next weekend.”

“That’s great, I’m so happy for you.  I hope I get to meet him soon.”

“He’s a big fan of yours, helping mold me into who I’ve become.”

“That was almost 20 years ago, I can’t take all the credit, but that’s very kind of him.”

Soon it was time for her to go to work, and her good mood continued. She was in a groove processing orders, making drinks, with a smile that never left her face. 

As usual these last few weeks, she saw a mobile order for Justin. Her smile got a little wider as he walked in. 

“Michele, you’re so happy today,” a coworker noticed. 

“I met someone, it’s going REALLY well…”

“Get it, girl! It’s all in your attitude, I told you…”

Justin smiled at her as he picked up his cup, raising it as a passing thank you. 

“I guess Justin has some competition now…” her coworker whispered. 

“Shush, he might hear you…” she said, swatting at her coworker. “As if I HAVE Justin like that.  He’s probably seeing some model or something.”

“All I know is he comes in when you’re working lately…” 

Deana waved it off as she continued working. When it was time for her lunch, she grabbed her food, sat at a table, and called Danielle. 

“Any word from your ‘boyfriend’ yet?” Danielle teased. 

“He’s not my boyfriend, but he sent me a text this morning. He called me beautiful, twice,” she blushed. 

“Why shouldn’t he? He likes you, and you do have great eyes. Family trait…”

“I thought we were talking about ME, not my brother…”

“Sorry. So he sent you a text?”

“Yeah, hoping I had a good morning and that he’s feeling good from last night. I’ll send screenshots of what we said.  It was short but cute.”  She quickly took a screenshot and sent it to Dani. 

“Awww, that’s so cute!” Dani replied. “I think you need to get off the phone with me and text him, see how his day’s going.  Show you’re thinking of him.”

Danielle hung up and Deana opened her texts. 

Hey, on my lunch at work. Hope you’re having a good day. She was hopeful for a response. 

Better now that I got a text from you. Overall, pretty good, no complaints. Well, except my voice and the work situation. But it’s led me to something special, so even then I can’t complain too much. Best thing that ever happened to me. 

Deana smiled. Me too. 

Oh, I made reservations for us for next Saturday. Nothing too fancy dress code wise, but it fills up quick. I’m excited to go, I’ve never been but thought it could be fun. Great first date kinda place. I just wish it was sooner. 

Sorry, I just wanna do this right. 

Oh, yeah. Well, I didn’t mean that part, they were all full for this weekend, otherwise I would’ve surprised you, if that was ok.

Well, I’m not really a ‘surprise’ kinda girl.  Sometimes it’s fun, sure, but I prefer to know what’s coming.  You’ve given me a lot of surprises so far.

Yeah, I guess that’s the ADHD side of me.  I totally get the ‘everything in order’ part, I also kinda have OCD, so that gets fun…  Sometimes I just think of something and go with it, but then I do it to perfection.  It’s definitely chaotic sometimes cuz I’ll get an idea, focus solely on it, then another idea will come along, and then I have to work on both…  Yeah.  So sorry, not sorry?  I just want to treat you the way I think you deserve to be treated.

I get that, but it can be a little overwhelming.

Sorry.  I just really like you and wanted it out there.

I know.  It just reminds me of my ex, so it scares me a bit.  I mean, I knew on our first date there was a definite connection, but within 3 days I’d already met his parents and had dinner at his house, he wrote fucking poetry for me, it almost scared me off.  Then I realized I was being an idiot and he was doing it all because he liked me.  Just weird to think about it now, all that build up and it fizzled out.

It happens.  I definitely don’t want to scare you off.  No more surprises until our date, I promise.  It’s gonna be really hard though, just saying.

Thank you.  My lunch is almost over, but we can talk the rest of the day when I get home.

I really feel like we COULD talk the rest of the day…

Everything is still new, we’re still getting to know each other, there’s a lot to talk about.

I can’t wait.  Talk to you later, beautiful.

Keep saying that and I just might start believing it. 

That’s kinda the idea… ????

She put her phone in her pocket before putting it away to go back on shift.  She couldn’t wait to get home and talk to him again.

…

She opened the door to her apartment, grabbed some iced tea from the fridge, and pulled out her phone.

Just got home, I’ve been thinking of you all day.

He smiled.  Glad to hear it.

So, what should we talk about?

How about best friends?  I don’t really know much about you and Danielle.

Well, we grew up pretty much next door neighbors.  She lived a couple houses down, so we’d play together a lot as kids.  It’s really no surprise she’s with my brother, they’d play doctor and stuff sometimes, now they do whatever they do and I want no insight into it cuz yuck.  

He laughed a little.  That’s all I get?

She knows me inside and out, I think she knows me better than I do.  

I mean, you did say she made you promise to get my number… She can’t be too off base.

She wants me to be happy.

That makes two of us.

Deana blushed.  I’m stubborn, though.  She didn’t like Paul at all, but I figured I knew better.  She didn’t say anything right away, but once she did I was too far gone to see clearly.  Or if I did see what she meant, I just chose to ignore it and avoid being single.  The last few guys I dated she really liked, thought were good for me, so it hurt her almost as much when things didn't work out.  I’m glad she likes you, though, it would’ve been a huge red flag if she didn’t.  At first, I wasn’t too sure to be honest, a random guy buying me drinks.  I took a chance and it’s turned out good so far, so no complaints.

He smiled.  I had to get you to notice me somehow, especially if I couldn’t just walk up to you and say hi.

Again, no complaints here. I just hope I don’t screw it up.

I don’t know how you could.  Yeah, my best friend knows me really well.  That’s why they’re the BEST friends, right?  

Have you told him about me?

Justin paused, remembering his conversation with Trace not exactly going well.  He wants what’s best for me, but he can also be really stupid.  Right now he’s being stupid.  

Do I wanna know?

Once he meets you, I think he’ll like you.  Right now all he has to go off of is what I’ve told him, but still has reservations.  We’ve both seen each other totally get screwed over with exes, so I think he’s just being overprotective since he hasn’t met you himself.  

Can I meet him sometime?

He’ll be around in a couple months, I’ll see what I can arrange.  It doesn’t change how I feel about you, so I could honestly care less what he thinks at this point.  If meeting you doesn’t change his mind, he’ll just have to get used to it.

I don’t want you to lose your best friend because of me…

I know I’m jumping ahead, but if this is it, for both of us, I’d rather lose him than you.  

You don’t mean that…

You are different than anyone else I’ve had feelings for.  If he can’t see that, how good you’ve been for me during this whole crappy part of my life, I don’t need him.

Deana sighed.  No, I won’t split up best friends…

We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.  Once he meets you, he’ll be fine.  He has this idea of who I should be with, and it’s just not something we agree on right now.

Meaning he thinks you deserve some hot, skinny babe.  He’s not wrong…

Don’t make me come over there and show you how beautiful you are.

And how would you do that? she teased.

Shit, well, I didn't think you’d take it seriously…

I’m not, I was just teasing.  But now I’m curious.

I guess you’ll just have to find out…

Oh come on, I’m trying to flirt through text, not exactly easy to convey tone…

I have some pretty good ideas, but you’re not ready for any of them, so I really don’t think it matters.

What about something I am ready for?

Well, based on what we’ve ‘done’ already, I’d look deeply into your eyes, can’t help but smile, and hold you close to me.  If you’d let me, I’d kiss you, soft and sweet.

Definitely sounds tempting.  But doing it to prove a point still isn’t the way things should really start between us.  

You’re right.  He thought to himself, what I REALLY wanna say is I’d kiss her, and make sweet love to her and show her everything I love about her.  She’s DEFINITELY not ready for that…

Otherwise, what can you tell me about your best friend?

Our moms were best friends, so we had built in playdates when our moms would hang out.  Then once we got into school we’d get into all kinds of trouble.  He helps even me out, but can also be a terrible influence sometimes.  It goes back and forth on who the bad influence is between the two of us.  He keeps me grounded, most of the time.  He pulled a HUGE prank on me, got my mom involved, it was crazy.  But that’s just the kinda stuff guys do, I’m sure you and Danielle haven’t done anything like that.

I guess not, no.  I’ve always been the good influence.  She’s definitely rubbed off on me over the years.  I think that’s what led to Paul.  I’d been single for so long, she was pushing me to meet someone.  I didn’t expect him to come along, but once he did, I kinda said ‘fuck it, why not?’  I think that’s the thing she regrets the most, trying to get me to loosen up a little and having it hurt me the way it did.  To be fair, I took it too far too fast, that was my fault, not hers.  She’s always had guys fighting for her attention.  If she were single, I think you’d be attracted to her, not me.

I dunno, once I heard you sing, and saw you on that stage, that was pretty much it.  

You really think you’d still like me if you’d seen her first?

Yes.  I was looking for the person that I heard sing.  Once I matched a face to the voice, everyone else no longer mattered.  I didn't even look at anyone in there, just found a seat and waited for your voice.

Well, I’m glad it worked out that way.  But definitely not used to it, I see Dani deal with it all the time.  She’d almost get annoyed at all the attention she got, where I was wishing I’d even get ONE guy coming up to me…

Well, you have me, so wish no more.

She smiled. I don’t know that I HAVE you…

Trust me, you do. Hook, line, and sinker. I’m down for the count. 

Gotta admit, sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure this isn’t a dream. 

Why?

Cuz you’re hot as fuck, and I’m, well…

You’re beautiful. If I may be so bold, downright sexy. 

Well, you said it, so you can’t take it back now… ????

I wouldn’t want to. 

Are you trying to get me to fall in love with you?

Maybe. Is it working?

Maybe.  She looked at the time. I gotta start on dinner, talk to you later?

Sure. Enjoy your dinner. 

 

Justin put down his phone. She’s flirting, he thought to himself, that’s a good sign. But really, I wish she saw what I see in her. I wish I could show her, but the only real ways I know how are totally off limits right now. The waiting is gonna kill me. But she’s worth it. 

It was Saturday afternoon. Deana was with her family for a birthday, so she was basically radio static as far as texts. 

He knew Michele had weekends off now, so didn’t feel like getting a tea. It wasn’t super cold, but it wouldn’t be too warm out, either. He wanted to get out of his apartment, if you could call it that, so he opted for a smoothie and some Chinese food to take home. 

He got a green tea smoothie, something that at least seemed healthy. He walked to his new favorite Chinese place, ordering enough food to feed an army, especially the hot and sour soup. As he waited for his order, a woman bumped into him. 

“I’m so sorry… oh, Justin,” she said. 

He knew that voice. The soft warmth it made him feel. He turned around. It was Jessica. He smiled awkwardly, his stomach in knots. 

“How are you?” she started. “Oh, right, your vocal cords. Well, you look great.”

He blushed a little, looking down to avoid eye contact. That’s when he saw it. A definite baby bump. His heart sank. 

“Yeah, had a craving for Chinese and this was the closest place, I need something to spoil myself a bit.  It was good to see you…”

He nodded sheepishly as she walked in further to order. He took his food and slowly walked home, his head down. 

I’d be lying if I said I had all but forgotten about her, but the first time I see her in a LONG time, and she’s pregnant. Good thing I got a lot of food, I kinda want to eat my feelings right now. I fucked up. That could be MY kid, if I hadn’t been so stupid. 

He got up to his place, sat down, turned on the TV, and started to mindlessly eat. 

His phone buzzed. He smiled, figuring it was Deana. 

It was good seeing you today. I hope things are going well. Jess

She still had his number after all that time. He wanted to smile, but clearly she’d moved on. Should I text her back? he wondered. Would it be rude if I didn’t? 

He sighed heavily. Yeah, things are pretty good, all things considered. Congratulations, on the baby. 

Yeah, Alex and I are pretty excited. Pretty much as soon as we finished our honeymoon, we were pregnant. 

Married with a kid on the way. Justin, you IDIOT, that could’ve been YOU, he thought, mentally kicking himself. 

Are you seeing anyone? she asked. 

Yeah, actually. We just met a month ago, so it’s still pretty new. 

Well, if she makes you happy, then that’s great. It was good seeing you, I hope you feel better soon. Hoping this woman makes you happy, you deserve it, in spite of what happened with us. 

Thanks. Congrats again on the husband and baby. 

He put his phone down. He really wanted a drink, but knew alcohol was off limits for a while. He picked his phone back up. 

Hey Trace, I need to talk to you…

What’s up?

I saw Jess today…

Shit, man, I’m sorry. 

She looked great. She’s married, and pregnant. 

I’m so sorry, J…

I fucked it all up. It should be ME she’s doing all that with. I just realized it too late…

You can’t change it. What about your new girl?

Deana? What about her?

If Jess HAD been available, what would you do? Like, if she wanted you back. 

I mean, I dunno. I figured that ship had sailed, and it clearly has. But seeing her today has me all nostalgic and kicking myself that it’s not with me. She asked if I was seeing anyone. I told her about Deana, no point in lying. Do I tell Deana about this?

Would you want her to tell you if the roles were reversed?

Yeah, I would actually.  She’s been really open with me on things, she deserves to know. 

Then tell her. Good luck, man. 

He sighed. Nothing had happened between him and Jess, so he had no real reason to worry, but his stomach was in knots at the thought of telling her. 

Hey, I know you’re with family, but can you talk?

Sure, what’s up?

So, I was out getting lunch and I ran into my ex…

Deana’s heart was in her throat. What happened?

She said I looked good, then went to go get her good. 

That’s it?

She’s pregnant…

It’s not yours, right?

No, I found out she’s married. 

You told me all this WHY?!

Because you’ve been so open with me. 

Thank you. It happens. Not like you saw her and had a one night stand or she wants you back. 

She texted me later saying it was good to see me. That’s when I found out she was married. 

You saw and talked to an ex. No big deal. 

I’m kicking myself because I wish it was ME she was married to, having MY baby. 

That’s normal to an extent, especially after seeing them. I saw my ex at a funeral while I was engaged. Even while engaged I played the ‘what if’ game in my head. It’s perfectly normal to think about them, what matters is how you respond. If nothing happened, you really didn’t need to tell me. I’m glad you did, that you could open up to me like that, worried about how I’d react. But nothing happened. It doesn’t change how you feel about me, about us, does it?

I talked to Trace and I honestly don’t know what I’d have done if she was single and wanted me back. 

Again, that’s a fairly normal response. Does it make you not want to be with me?

I just know I don’t want to hurt you…

Well, she’s clearly moved on, you were honest enough to tell me about it, so unless you suddenly are not interested, I don’t see a real problem. 

So you’re not mad at me?

For talking to an ex you saw while getting lunch? No, I’m not mad …

Just making sure. 

If anything, I like you MORE for telling me. 

Well, thank God for that. Cuz I do still like you. 

I gotta get back to the party, but thank you and we’ll talk later. 

Justin sighed in relief. I’m glad that’s over. Now to go work out and burn off some of this Chinese food…

…

It was mid morning  on Monday.  Deana was in the middle of her shift, just back from her break. She was feeling good and in the groove of getting drinks out. 

“I have a venti upside down Java Chip Frappuccino and a strawberry lemonade iced tea for Morgan,” she said.  She looked up and nearly spilled the drinks. 

In front of her was a young man, her height, stocky build. He had wide shoulders, green eyes, and dark hair that curled at the ends. 

“M-Morgan, hi,” she stumbled. 

“Hi. Ashley, this is Deana, an old friend of mine. This is Ashley, my fiancée.”

The words stuck in her throat. Fiancée.

Ashley waved.  “We’re getting things ready for our wedding in a couple weeks at Tonawanda Castle. It’s gonna be beautiful. Our colors are green and silver, I can’t wait…”

“Green and silver, you say,” she glared at Morgan. OUR wedding colors… “Congratulations.”

“Thanks for the drinks, gotta get going,” Morgan said. 

Deana’s heart sank. Tears welled up in her eyes as they walked out and down the street.

“You ok?” her manager asked. 

“Yeah, just my ex and his new fiancée.  One he’s not calling off…” Her voice started to quiver. 

“Do you need a minute? I know you just took your break, but go, we’ll be fine.”

Deana sat in the back and cried. What does she have that I don’t? Oh wait, she’s thin and pretty… Of all the Starbucks in this city, they had to walk into MINE?!

She pulled out her phone. Hey, I can match your running into an ex story…

You ok?

Not really. I’m at work and my ex fiancé comes in with his new fiancée, they’re getting married in a couple weeks, at a castle, using OUR color scheme. She was thin, and pretty, I feel miserable. 

You are so much better off, Deana. This is the guy that you were never gonna see, burning yourself at both ends to make ends meet. 

But at least I’d be married…

Or maybe you wouldn’t, if it was that really going to be that miserable. I know he broke your heart, but you have me now. I promise, I’ll never break your heart. 

I’ve heard THAT before, and look where I am…

You are beautiful, and apparently there’s a really hot guy that has a thing for you… That’s not too bad, is it?

No. And yeah, you are hot. 

And YOU are beautiful.

He introduced me as his friend…

Cuz starting a fight with his fiancée is what he should have done?  Even if she knows about you or not, it shouldn’t matter. You’re heading towards great things, Deana. I’ll see you tomorrow and I’ll buy you an extra drink. 

And hold me if I want to cry?

 

Absolutely. 

It was Tuesday evening. Danielle came by the apartment to eat with Deana before karaoke. Deana made pizzas mostly from scratch, using fresh ingredients from the store on store bought crust. One had a pesto sauce with mushrooms and chicken, the other a more traditional one with sausage, peppers, olives, and mushrooms. 

Deana went to get changed for karaoke while Danielle put away what was left over. She knocked on Deana’s door, opened the door and flopped down on the bed. 

“You know what you’re singing tonight?” Danielle asked.

“I have an idea, yeah…”

“What?”

“You’ll find out. Songs Justin, er, Bruce, can relate to.”

“How so?”

“We both ran into exes the last few days.”

“And I’m just NOW hearing about this?!  Who did you see?”

“Morgan, and Ashley, his few fiancée, wife in a couple weeks…”

“D, you should’ve told me…”

“Whatever. Can’t change what happened. But we both had major ‘what if’ moments.”

She changed into an off the shoulder top, a light floral design with mid length sleeves. She didn’t find it very comfortable, but she knew she looked pretty good in it. She paired it with dark jeans and her tan ankle boots. She did a more natural eye palette and left her hair down. She pulled a brown jacket out of her closet and left it on the couch by the door. 

Justin buzzed to alert them he was there, and they met him downstairs. They walked quietly to the bar, getting a table. 

Deana grabbed drinks and song slips. 

“So I hear you guys admitted to liking each other,” Danielle started. Justin nodded. “About damn time.”

He took out his phone, just in case. 

“Not sure it was a good idea to have her make the first move though.  She’s pretty shy, despite how she seems since you’ve met her.  Even if she likes you, she’s gonna be afraid to make the first move. Not exactly super romantic, either.”

Oh I’ll still do plenty of romantic stuff for her. She was flirting with me last week over texts, so I don’t know that she’s all that shy. 

“What did she say?”

He showed Dani the texts about him threatening to come over and show how much he liked her. 

“Wow, that’s new.”

Wanna know a secret?

“Of course…”

What I REALLY wanted to tell her was that I’d make sweet love to her and show her everything I love about her.

“THAT sounds sexy as hell. But she’s totally not ready for that.”

She’s worth waiting for, even if it kills me. 

“With what you just said, that just might kill HER…” Justin stifled a laugh. 

I’m gonna try and give her as many perfect moments to have our first meaningful kiss, whether she takes the chance or not. 

“You are incredible, you know that? In a good way.  It’s been too long since she’s been with someone that treats her this well, so patient with everything.”

Thanks. He gave her a look as Deana came back with drinks. 

“You turned in your slips already?” Danielle asked. Deana nodded. 

“You’ll notice a theme tonight, just a heads up.”

It was Deana’s turn to go up, and she started singing, looking at Justin. 

“I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell, you rose to claim it”

He loved when she sang Adele, reminding him of when he first heard her sing. He was captivated, watching intently. He continued to be impressed, especially as she went off on an improvised riff at the end of the song, showing her power and range. 

She sat down after she finished, getting another drink. 

That was AMAZING… What is the theme?

“Try and figure it out, I still have two more songs,” she whispered, sending a shiver down his spine. 

Do you need me to hold you, after your run in yesterday?

“Surprisingly, no. I won’t say no if you want to hold me anyway.”

He put his arm around her, pulling him as close to his side as the chairs they sat in allowed. He was sad there wasn’t any booth style seating to get her practically in his lap. 

She moved her hand to hold his around her shoulder, resting her head on his shoulder. They sat, content in the moment, until it was her turn in the rotation again. The music was slower, another Adele song. Her voice, coupled with the words of the song, touched the deepest parts of his soul. 

“I heard that you settled down. That you found a girl and you’re married now. I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.”

As she got to the chorus, she looked at Justin, her eyes locked on him from across the room. “Never mind I’ll find someone like you…”

Tears started to well up in his eyes, it was painfully beautiful, extremely personal and moving with what they both had been through the last few days. 

Damn, Danielle thought, she just might be giving HIM a romantic moment before kissing him… 

She finished the song, her voice echoing in his head and heart. It was something he didn’t know he’d needed. She kissed his cheek as she sat down. 

“I figured you’d understand why I chose this song,” she whispered. 

He did. They both had felt the pain of seeing the one that got away, but reminding each other of what they had. She would tell him more later, but he felt like he knew all of what she was feeling as she sang. 

“There’s still one more song.  Not the same artist, but definitely a message for you from me.”

His interest was piqued as they sat through the rotation of singers.  He had his arm around the back of her chair, sitting close but more relaxed.  He ran his thumb along her upper arm, a gentle touch that meant more to both of them than they wanted to admit.  

I wish she would let me kiss her, show her everything that is beautiful about her.  I’m not going to push, I know it’ll backfire one way or another.  We’re already building intimacy by being so open with each other, being able to have my arms around her, so I guess that’s a start.  I like feeling this way, a protector and comfort, even when I need comforting myself, he thought.

He’s such a great guy, Deana thought to herself.  To know that he shares that pain of losing someone and being reminded of what was lost in such an up close way.  I’d seen pictures of Morgan and Ashley on social media from friends sharing pictures from things, but it was in scrolling through my feed, and I didn’t linger on it.  Seeing them in person, so up close and in my face, it was so raw.  He must be feeling the same way.  That’s why this next song is perfect.

She finished her drink in time for her last song of the night.  As she walked up, the DJ stopped for a second.  “This is a duet, do you have someone singing with you?”

Deana shook her head.  “No, I’m going to sing both parts.”  The DJ shrugged and started the song.  

Justin was even more curious at how she’d sing a duet by herself.  The first verse was easy, it was a woman’s voice.  “Right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart, and I your willing victim.  I let you see the parts of me that weren’t all that pretty, and with every touch you fixed them…”  Once she got to the chorus, the words “we’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again” hit him hard.  He knew what she was trying to tell him.

The second verse was the male solo, she changed her pitch just enough to sound different than when she sang the female lead, taking the female notes if it went higher or was more dramatic.  She masterfully switched back and forth, minute differences that most other people wouldn’t understand.  Justin smiled, impressed with her vocality, but the message she was sending to him.  This is a VERY good sign, he thought.

She was ready to go home after her last song, Justin helping her with her jacket before walking out into the night.  

“So, what was the theme tonight?” Danielle asked.

“Well, I’d actually picked these out last week, at least the first two, because I knew this guy liked when I sang Adele.  Then when we both ran into exes, the songs took on a new layer of meaning.  The last one, well, that’s more between the two of us.”

“Am I becoming a third wheel?” Danielle asked, mostly teasing.

“Only because you don’t sing with me, or by yourself,” Deana replied.

“Next week I’ll pick a song to sing with you, happy now?”  Danielle quipped.

“Whatever you want.  You’re my best friend, Dani, you’ll never be a third wheel.  You’ve been better about splitting your time between me and J lately, so I don’t feel like a third wheel, I’ll return the favor when the time comes.”  She looked at Justin and smiled.

They reached the apartment, Danielle heading up to give them privacy.  Deana stood there, standing facing him, smiling and looking into his eyes.  “I’m excited for our date on Saturday.  What’s the dress code?”

Nothing fancy, something like what you’re wearing is fine.  You look great in everything I’ve seen you wear so far.

“Well, I’ve had someone to impress.”

You’ve already done that, now you’re just showing off.

“I know not all of the last song applies to us, we’re not already IN a relationship looking to stay together, but we’re helping each other pick up the pieces.  I’m probably closer to ready than I want to admit, just be patient.  We’ll get there.”

I’ll be here.  I’m in no rush.  I’ll pick you up around 6:30 on Saturday to head to dinner.  I’m looking forward to it, too.  He smiled and held her hands in his before pulling her in for a long, lingering hug.  Her hands against his back, tucked under his arms, his arms near the small of her back.  She rested her head on his chest and shoulder, he tucked his chin against the top of her head.  

“Get a room,” a voice called to the street.  They looked up and it was Danielle, the window from the apartment open slightly.  Deana waved her off, enjoying this closeness with no other expectations.  

“I should get in before it gets too late and too cold.  I’ll talk to you later and see you on Saturday.”  She kissed his cheek, reaching her neck up a little to reach without needing to stand on her toes.  He put his hand to his cheek where she’d kissed him, a smile widening on his face.

Good night, beautiful.  I wish that Saturday was tomorrow just so I could see you again.

 

Deana went upstairs, walked into the apartment, and closed the window Danielle had left open.  She got ready for bed, and fell asleep thinking of him.  Soon, I think I’ll be ready for everything soon… she thought as she fell asleep, a smile on her face.

It was late Saturday afternoon, and Deana was nervous for the date. Deana paced in front of her closet. 

“What the hell do I wear tonight, Dani?” Deana asked in nervous frustration. “He said nothing fancy, jeans are fine, but I still wanna look good!”

Danielle sat on the edge of Deana’s bed. “Calm down. Lemme look, I’ll find the perfect outfit.” Danielle stood up, gently pushing Deana aside to browse the closet. 

Danielle pulled different outfits out, critiquing them in her head before putting them back. “AHA!” she yelled as she found a top. “Pair this shirt with those jeans, and your black ankle boots. It’s been raining, so you don’t wanna ruin your good flats.”

She put on the top, black with cutouts at the shoulders, long enough that if it were Dani, she could wear it as a super mini dress, the hem barely covering her ass. 

“Promise me that someday you’ll wear this shirt pulled all the way down like a dress, nothing on underneath. A nice little sexy surprise for whoever you’re with.”

Deana gave her a look. “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

“Well, you don’t want to live through MY sex like anymore, so you gotta get one of your own.”

“That’s what I’m nervous about…”

“It’s not like he’s gonna expect you to put out on the first date. I think he might want you to kiss him, but he knows you need time, D. It’s just a first date, I doubt he has unrealistic expectations for tonight. 

Dani helped Deana with hair and makeup. A subtle natural eye, light blush and a touch of lipstick. Her hair down, in more defined curls than her typical wavy hair.

“The only thing I don’t like is that it doesn’t show off your waist and that hourglass figure,” Dani said. 

“But it is a little more forgiving on my problem areas like my back fat and love handles.”

“Just more to hang on to when you’re getting freaky,” Dani teased. 

“Yeah, cuz THAT’S happening any time soon… He says I’m beautiful but he hasn’t seen it all…”

Dani sighed. “Can you keep a secret?”

“What?”

“Bruce told me he definitely thinks you're sexy like that. I won’t say exactly what he said, but damn if I’m not jealous of when you are ready for that. You’re gonna be in so much trouble, I’ll never see you again…” Dani laughed. 

Deana blushed hard. “Well, definitely not ready for that yet.  Not gonna lie, it’s been on my mind. I mean, look at him. I’ve definitely thought about it, but I’m not ready yet.”

“I should’ve told you AFTER your date, cuz now you’ll have that all in your head the whole night… I know you don’t wanna jump into something too soon, but it’s been 6 weeks of flirting and building sexual tension. At some point, you gotta just bite the bullet and go for it.”

“Not tonight, Dani. I’m getting there. The more he says and does, the more I just wanna do things to him…”

“Then do it! Release some of that pressure, tension.”

“I’m just so in my head about if it’s been long enough, if I’m over Paul.”

“The best way to be over someone is to be under someone else,” Danielle laughed. 

“Cuz that’s worked for me before…”

“You go into it with the wrong attitude. You keep feeling like you HAVE to do things in order to get or keep a guy, not because you WANT to do those things. With Bruce, you know him, he knows you, he ALREADY likes you without doing any of that. The sexual piece just fully brings you two together.”

“I dunno.  You might be on to something, but I still need time.”

Justin buzzed three times. “Shit! Is he early or am I running late?” Deana panicked. 

“You are fine, you’re ready. You look great, this is gonna go well. I’ll be gone by the time you get back in case you wanna, you know..”

“Talk? That’s all we’d be doing is talking.”

“Whatever you kids are calling it these days.  Grab your jacket, keys, and GO!”

Deana grabbed her things and headed downstairs. Justin stood by the door, an open umbrella over him. It was lightly drizzling, Deana was glad she took Danielle’s advice on the boots. Deana gave him a quick hug and walked alongside him under the umbrella. 

Justin walked her to a private car, the same driver as the day she had with Danielle. 

“Nice to see you again, miss,” he said as he opened the car door for them, carrying his own umbrella. 

They got in the car and on their way. 

“How far are we going that we need a car?”

Not too far, but I told him to take a longer route so I get more time with you. He had his phone in one hand, leaving his hand next to Deana on the seat. Deana held his hand, her hand relaxed, but fingers together, not interlocked with his. 

You look great Deana. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she smiled. He had on his pea coat and a scarf up to his nose, and a paperboy hat placed just right. “Just wish I’d get to see more of your face all at once. I think 80s night was the closest, but you had that ridiculous facial hair and glasses.”

She could see the smile in his cheeks and eyes, sparkling and a vivid blue. 

“I guess I’ll get a better view during dinner…”

And I just realized something… we won’t be able to talk during dinner. It’ll make more sense once we get there, but I forgot about that until now. 

The car stopped in front of the restaurant. It looked very simple and quaint on the outside- Abigail’s Kitchen. They went inside, Justin showed his ID, and they were led to a small area. 

“Is this your first time joining us for Dinner in the Dark?” the hostess asked. 

Justin nodded, as Deana looked at him. 

“The idea is to use your other senses to enjoy the food. We’ll go ahead and blindfold you, lead you to your table, and start serving your courses. You won’t know what you’ve had until the end of your meal.  Enjoy.”

Now Deana understood why Justin said they couldn’t talk. He still can’t talk and you’re blindfolded for the duration of the meal. Maybe I’ll have to invite him up so we actually CAN talk after all… she thought. 

They were blindfolded and led to their table. Deana found out surprisingly difficult to eat without being able to see. She found herself awkwardly groping around the table trying to find her glass to drink, suddenly finding her hand touching his. 

What felt like a jolt of electricity hit her at the realization of her fingers on his. She felt herself blush, glad he couldn’t see her. She found a glass, full based on its weight. She took a sip of what was thankfully water, feeling with one hand where to put it using the other. 

She noticed the foods tasted vibrant, powerful, trying to place the smells and tastes without using her sight. It was delicious, but she realized she had very little idea of what she was actually eating. She noticed the textures, any clues as to what they were eating. She took comfort in knowing he didn’t know what anything was either. They had a level playing field on the food. 

The dessert tasted sweeter than she would have imagined, the fruit flavors stronger, the textures varying between crumbly and smooth. She knew part of it was ice cream, noting the cold and surprisingly distinct vanilla flavor. 

When the meal was over, they were allowed to take the blindfolds off. They smiled at each other like they hadn’t seen each other for months, not just over an hour. Justin adjusted his scarf to cover part of his face, then putting his hat back on. They were given a sheet with the different courses they had had. 

They walked back to the car, their driver waiting for them. Where to? he asked. 

“We can go to my place if you want, so we can talk.”

Your place it is. He sent a text to the driver, and they were on their way. 

“The food was amazing, I can’t believe we had all this food…” she said in amazement, looking at the sheet. The dessert was so simple, but had tasted so strong.  A berry bread pudding crumble with homemade vanilla ice cream. 

They pulled up to her building, Justin signaling the driver to leave. Deana was a little nervous going up to her apartment. She fumbled with her keys, dropping them in front of her apartment. 

You sure you want me to come in? he asked. She could see the concern in his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m just in my head. It’s just to talk, but my brain is going through a million what ifs…”

If you just want to talk, that’s all that will happen. 

“I just wanna start this off by saying I had a great time tonight.  I’ve never done something like that.”  She picked up her keys and opened the door. She turned on the lights, featuring for him to sit on the couch. She grabbed water for both of them. 

She looked at him on the couch, and had an unexpected thought in her head. Her mind was replaying the first night she had with Paul, but it was Justin’s face instead of Paul’s. She remembered their kiss in the bar, and felt a part of her wanting to kiss him like that now. 

Her eyes glazed over as she stood there. Justin could tell something wasn’t ok. He tried snapping to get her attention, clapping, but it wasn’t until he got up, crossed the room, and put a hand on her shoulder that she snapped back to reality.  Her breathing was irregular, she could feel her heart racing. 

He gently walked her over to the couch, taking the waters and putting them on the coffee table. 

Deana’s thoughts went to what Dani had said earlier, about Justin wanting her that way. 

You ok?

“Uh, yeah. Lots of thoughts going through my head, sorry. Had a bit of a flashback, but it was different. Then thinking on something Dani said while she was helping me get ready.”

What did she say?

“She means well, but she was trying to tell me it’s ok if I’m ready to jump back into things, especially physically. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve thought about it, but I just don’t know if I’m ready…”

I’m not expecting anything from you tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve thought about it too, but I don’t want to put any pressure on you. 

“Ok, did you feel something when our hands touched during dinner?”

He nodded, reaching for her hand. She put her hand in his, smiling at him. He brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear, brushing her cheek as he lowered his hand. 

What was your favorite part of dinner?

“Well, there was one part that was kinda funny…”

What was that?

“The blindfold…”

What about it?

“Well, it’s a little personal…”

Yeah?

“So blindfolds are something I associate with sex. Tonight it heightened our senses in regards to god. Other times, I’ve used it to heighten senses in other ways…” she blushed talking about it. “It adds a sense of surprise, not knowing what’s coming next. Coupled with handcuffs...  and now I’ve now realized I’ve said too much…”

You know what you like, no harm in that…

“Can we forget what I just said? Please?  It’s gonna make what I want to ask you next much more innocent…”

Consider it forgotten. 

“Can you just hold me for a while?  I like the feeling of being in your arms.”

He pulled her close on the couch, wrapping his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder. Her hands wrapped around him, sighing contentedly. 

“I really could stay like this forever,” she said. “Would you feel comfortable just holding me tonight?”

He nodded, humming in agreement. 

“I’ll get a little more comfortable, feel free to make yourself comfortable, take off your coat and scarf and stay a while.”  She walked down the hall to her bedroom. 

He removed his coat and scarf, waiting a little nervously for her. She came back out in loose lounge pants and a black t-shirt. She pulled her hair into a side braid, running down her shoulder and collarbone. 

“You might wanna take your shoes off, I don’t really want shoes on my couch.”

He looked at her with a furrowed brow. 

“I’m sure this will sound weird, especially since we haven’t even had our first official kiss, but would you like to stay the night, snuggled on my couch?”

That sounds nice. If you’re sure. 

 “I’d love to wake up in your arms and not have any guilt about anything.  It might help me feel comfortable being with someone again.”

He stretched along the length of the couch, taking a pillow and putting it under his head. Deana laid down next to him, barely having enough room to fit. She struggled to get comfortable, afraid she might fall off in her sleep. 

Deana sighed. “This isn’t how I imagined it working out. You’re sure you’re ok with just cuddling?”

Justin nodded. Deana got up off the couch. “I guess, I mean, do you want to, go into my bedroom?”  He thought she was cute, all embarrassed about asking him to stay, stumbling over her words. 

The second you decide you’re not comfortable with any of this, I’m gone. I want to respect your boundaries. I have no expectations of anything more. I just know it would be nice to dream about you and wake up with you in my arms. 

She took his hand and slowly led him down the hall. “Sorry, I’m trying really hard not to have flashbacks…”

If you change your mind, I won’t be mad. I’m not gonna try anything. You have full control  over what happens with us. 

They reached the doorway into her bedroom. Her pulse was racing, a mix of nervous excitement and fighting off painful memories. 

He’s not rushing you into anything, she told herself. If you told him to leave, he would. She looked deep into his eyes. She felt like she could get lost inside them. She kissed his cheek before stepping into her room. 

He looked around intently, smiling at her framed collection of concert tickets, all for *NSYNC or his solo tours. There were family photos, pictures of her and Dani over the years, and a couple great photography shots. She had what he guessed was a queen sized bed, much more roomy than the couch for both of them. 

Deana sat on the edge of her bed, staring at him. “It’s uncanny. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that Justin Timberlake is in my bedroom.  But that would never happen…”

Justin sat next to her. What would you do if you got to spend time with him? We’re surprisingly close. 

“Oh my god I think I’d die. I’ve had a few minor run ins with him, but to really TALK to him, I think I’d die of excitement. I always wanted to meet him, or the rest of the guys back in the day. But those tickets were always too expensive. The closest I’ve ever been was this last show here and my brother got us those. There’s no way I could afford VIP or anything like the bar area.”

What would you say to him if you had the chance?

“How much I love his music, I’ve watched all the movies he’s been in. He’s such a down to earth guy in a lot of ways, but it’s not like he’d just walk up to me on the street and ask me out…”

Why not? 

“Look at me…”

I am. I can’t stop looking at you. You’re beautiful, Deana. You really are. Your eyes, your genuine smile. You have more going for you than you think. Even the REAL Justin would see that.

She somehow knew he was right.  She thought of their interactions at his work.  The two notes he’d given her.  But that was different, that was just coffee, nothing real.  If she saw him out in the rest of NYC, would he even notice her?  She was afraid to know that answer, and hopefully would never have the chance. 

“What do you like about me?” she asked, searching his eyes.

He laughed a little.  I just said your eyes and smile… You’re kind, funny, compassionate, caring.  Those are just some of what I like about you, among other things.

“Other things?”

I’m trying to be respectful and not list your more sexy attributes… 

“You REALLY find me sexy?  I know Dani told me you did, but…”

She spilled my secret, huh?

“Kinda.  She wouldn’t tell me exactly what you told her, but yeah, I guess…”

I think that’s a conversation for a different phase of our relationship, should we get there.  I’d rather SHOW you than TELL you, if you get my drift.

She did.  “Yeah, she warned me I’m gonna be in trouble, that she might never see me again.”

Justin stifled a laugh.  That sounds more like I’d kill you than something else…

“I think she means...”

I know what she meant, but she worded it poorly.  That we’d be at it all the time…

“Yeah,” Deana sighed.  The thought crept into her mind.  No Danielle around, hot guy in her bedroom, already planning on staying the night.  She knew how this could play out if she wasn’t careful.  She didn’t think she’d mind with him, though.  Her face started to flush at the idea, her cheeks getting red.

You ok?  You keep kinda spacing out tonight…

“Yeah, just in my head.  I know where this could lead if we let it.  Part of me wants to.  Another part of me says it’s just our first date.  Then I hear Dani’s voice saying it’s been 6 weeks of flirting and building sexual tension, and, well…”

Maybe we should just go to sleep then.  I do want to apologize in advance…

“For what?”

It’s been a while since I’ve been in any sort of relationship.  Things may kinda go on autopilot while I’m asleep.  If I’m asleep and you’re uncomfortable, I’m usually dead to the world, so just move things around to something more appropriate.  I really do want to respect your boundaries, but with how I feel about you, I can’t promise my hands will be where they should be.  He blushed a little, but wanted to prepare her just in case.  He wasn’t sure what to expect when either of them woke up in the morning.

She laughed a little.  “Thanks for the warning.  Yeah, I think going to sleep isn’t a bad idea.”

To add an extra layer to everything, do you have an extra blanket?  You can sleep under the covers, and I’ll sleep over them with a different blanket.

“You are incredible, you know that?”

He smiled, blushing harder.  I try.  Can I kiss your cheek once we’re ready to go to sleep?

She nodded.  “That would be fine.”  She grabbed an extra blanket from her closet, handing it to Justin before turning off the light.  True to his word, he let her get under her sheets, and he laid next to her above them with his blanket.  He wrapped an arm around her waist, his hand holding hers.  He leaned around and gently kissed her cheek.  

 

She felt so safe, it felt familiar somehow.  She smiled knowing that when she woke up the next morning, he would be there.

Justin woke up and it was still dark.  The clock on her bedside table said 4:15.  He smiled at the feeling of her next to him, then realized something.  His hand was all but cupping one of her breasts, the blankets and her shirt moved for access.  She must have been a sound sleeper to not notice his hand against her skin.  He enjoyed the moment for a bit before moving everything back to where it should have been.  Deana stirred a little, a light moan escaping her lips as she adjusted and stayed asleep.  She was now against him on her back instead of her side, her hand finding his, a smile spreading across her face.  

I know the sun isn’t even up yet, but when I wrote Morning Light, I never thought I’d feel that way again about someone else.  Here I am, and all I want to do is just look at her, and hold her for as long as I can.

He fell back asleep, thankful that she had taken a chance, a step forward.  

Deana woke up around 7:30, his arm still around her.  She carefully moved his arm and got out of bed.  She walked into the kitchen, her phone in hand.  She turned on her music, playing lightly in the background as she started on breakfast.  Her phone buzzed.

So, how did last night go…

Deana smiled.  He’s still here, I’m making breakfast…

Her phone rang, she picked up on the second ring.  

“Wait, WHAT?!  You can’t just text that to me…”

Deana whispered, “I need to start at the beginning.  He took me to that Dining in the Dark thing.  We were blindfolded so we couldn’t see our food, we fumbled around trying to find things on the table and our hands touched.  Since we couldn’t see, there was no way he could talk to me.  So I invited him up to talk about what we couldn’t at dinner.  One thing led to another, and I asked him to stay the night.”

“See, I told you to go for it.  How was it?  Everything you ever dreamed of?”

“Something like that,” Deana teased.  “He just slept next to me, over the sheets.  Nothing more juicy for you, sorry.  Though I could swear at some point I think he had his hand on my breast, but maybe that was wishful dreaming.”

“So you have this semi sexual dinner, you invite him up, and you don’t sleep with him?”

“We only kissed on the cheek.  We talked about things, though.  I let slip a lot more than I should have.”

“Like?”

“Certain things I’ve learned I like…”

“Yeah…?”

“Cuz I’m gonna share that kinda stuff with you…”

“Oh come on, I need something…”

“He knows to use those handcuffs you bought me, when I’m ready…”

“You bad girl,’ Dani laughed.  “Glad I got a strong pair, you’re gonna be rattling headboards for sure.  A guy that hot, I mean, imagine it…”

“That’s ALL I’m willing to do right now.  I gotta go, I’m cooking and I think he’s waking up.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…”

“That’s kinda the plan, NOT do what you would do…”

She was glad she hung up, as she heard the bedroom door open.  She kept cooking, the food almost finished.  He stood between the hallway and the living room, looking at her.

I could get used to this.  Even in simple PJs, her hair a little mussed, she is breathtakingly beautiful, he thought, a smile on his face.

He walked up to her, stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her cheek.  

“Did you sleep well?” she asked.  He nodded, his head against hers.   

She’d made scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast.  “It’s not much, but it’s something,” she said apologetically.  He kissed her cheek again, nuzzling her neck.

“Now I want to just stay here, not sit down and eat,” she laughed lightly.  “Not gonna lie, it was nice to have you next to me this morning.”

He smiled at her, nodding in agreement.

“Not saying we make this a regular thing, but I’d be ok if you wanted to stay the night like that again on karaoke nights.”  He kissed her neck gently, sending a shiver up her spine.

She broke his embrace, grabbing plates and dishing up breakfast for the both of them.  “Feel free to grab anything from the fridge, juice, or something for your toast.”

He grabbed the orange juice and the jar of grape jelly.  He coughed, getting her attention to ask if she wanted some juice.  

“I’m fine, but I’ll take some of the jelly,” she replied softly.

They sat down and slowly picked at their plates.  “This is nice,” she smiled.  “Being with you like this, no expectations, normal life.  No awkward sneaking out or regrets about the night before.”

He pulled out his phone.  If you had been ready for anything more last night, I don’t think there would be anything to regret.  And definitely no awkward sneaking out.  I’m perfectly fine waiting for you on things.  I’m sorry if it makes you more in your head, just follow your heart.  I’m glad you asked me to stay, it felt nice to wake up and not be alone.  To be with someone I care deeply for.  I think you know that by now.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t think I was ready.  I’m honestly having some flashbacks though.  There was a guy friend I had a bit of a crush on in high school.  While we didn't spend the night like WE just did, we did snuggle on his bed watching a movie.  I thought there was something there, he just liked the closeness.  I’m trying to remind myself that this is not the same situation.  My heart is trying to prepare for what my head is telling it is inevitable heartbreak.  To not get too attached.  The way you held me, kissed my cheek, then my neck, I’m hoping those are little things to tell me this IS heading somewhere…”

Only if you want it to.

“I do,” she smiled, looking into his eyes.  “I like where things are heading.  It may seem in an odd order, but it somehow makes sense in my head.  Dipping my toes in the water before getting all the way in, as it were.  Building a basic level of intimacy before getting more physical.”

I like holding you, this was definitely a first date to remember.  

“I’ll get there, I just need a little more time…”

I’m not going anywhere. I’m ok waiting as long as you need. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long time, especially without sex…  

“I think that’s what scares me. I’ve been in love, or what I THOUGHT was love, but all it was was a physical connection that fizzled out. We’d like each other at first, then things would get hot and heavy, and burn out. For so long I thought if I gave myself to a guy, even without the final act, that would be enough to keep him around. Then I met Paul, all it was was sex, and I still couldn’t keep him. To feel what I do, without the physical side, I dunno… I’m scared of screwing it all up somehow. I WANT that physical closeness, but I worry that’s all it will become.”

I’m not gonna lie, sex is GREAT, but I think with us, to have what we do without it, means that once you’re ready, it’ll just connect us even more. I hope that makes sense. As long as it’s what you want, not something you feel you HAVE to do. If that’s the only reason to stick around, there’s not much holding it together. We have more than that. 

“I know. It’s just so conflicting. On the one hand, what we have right now is great, and I don’t want to complicate it with sex. On the other hand, now that I’ve actually had sex and know how great it can be, I want to just jump right in.”

I’m willing to wait for whatever you are comfortable with. Staying the night, waking up with you in my arms, was super sexy without us even doing anything. 

“Are you falling for me?” she teased. 

No. I’ve already fallen for you…

“Do you love me?” Her voice was serious this time. 

When I do, I’ll tell you. Not to get something from you, not because I feel like I SHOULD. I’ll tell you because I FEEL it, and it’ll be the most wonderful thing in the world, even if you don’t feel it back yet.

They finished their food, Justin helping do the dishes. 

“So, what’s the plan now? Do you want to go home? Do you want to stay?”

If you don’t have any other plans, I can stay.  We could watch a movie. What’s your favorite?

“You’re gonna laugh, but my guilty pleasure movie is Friends with Benefits.  Obvious reasons, but I totally relate in certain ways to Jamie, and the eye candy of Justin, mmm.”

Justin quietly laughed to himself. 

“I won’t make you watch that though. Honestly, my go to movies to watch are any of the Harry Potter movies, Lord of the Rings, or if Friends is on.”

I could go for a Friends binge on Netflix…

She logged into her account on her phone, then used Chromecast to send it to her TV. They started at the first episode, Deana snuggled against him on the couch.

8 episodes later, they started to get hungry. Want Chinese? I can order more from the place I brought last time. 

“Sure, that sounds great.”

He ordered food and they continued to watch while it was delivered. When they buzzed the apartment, Justin went down to pay and bring it up. 

“Just how much did you order?” Deana asked, seeing three full bags of food. He shrugged, putting it out on the coffee table. 

Lunch and dinner, if nothing else. 

They ate as they watched, Justin having a whole container of the hot and sour soup for himself. I got you one too, if you want. He pulled out the second container and gave Deana a spoon. She ate it before it got cold. 

“How did you find this place?” she asked. 

I was walking around one night. Actually, it was the night I heard you sing. Seems like everything was going right for me that night…

They smiled at each other. 

Deana snuggled back up to Justin once they stopped eating. She was comfortable enough next to him, his arm around her, that a few more episodes in,  she fell asleep. 

Yeah, I could definitely get used to this, he thought to himself. Beautiful woman that doesn’t NEED anything fancy, is perfectly happy with a night in as much as a night out. 

He grabbed his phone and texted Trace. 

Things are going great with Deana. Had our first date last night, I guess I’m still on it since we haven’t left her place since last night. 

You dog, way to go... 

Nothing like that. Yes I spent the night, but all we did was snuggle. Gotta tell ya, it was nice to wake up with a beautiful woman beside me again. 

Glad you’re happy, man. 

I am. I’ve never felt this deep a connection with a woman without sex involved. It’s really great. I’m feeling this great connection and she’s not feeling all this pressure to move too fast. 

When do I get to meet her?

For my birthday. I’m keeping my actual birthday clear to spend with her before and after the show. I think by then I’ll be ready to reveal myself. She has no clue somehow. She’s a fan but doesn’t think she stands a chance with the “real” Justin, she just thinks I’m an uncanny lookalike. 

Wait, seriously? She has no clue?

Nope. It’s refreshing, actually. I can be more low key, she’s not expecting to go out to high end places all the time. 

 So where was this first date last night?

There’s a place here that does Dining in the Dark. They blindfold you so you can’t see your food, you don’t know what you’re eating, using your other senses more. She was fumbling for her water glass and our hands touched. Something about it was just, wow. The rest of the night was amazing. Even in plain pj pants and a t-shirt she is so damn sexy. 

That’s great, man. I really hope it works out for you. She does sound amazing, I’m sorry for being so quick to judge her. 

I’m just glad you changed your mind. It’d take too long to break in a new best friend… ????

Again, I’m sorry. It was rude of me, she’s just so different from every other girl you’ve been with. 

She really is, in the best way though. 

Deana slightly shifted against him, waking up.

“How long was I asleep?” she asked.

Maybe an episode or two.  I wasn’t really keeping track.  I just thought it was cute.

They picked at what was left of the Chinese food as they watched more episodes.  It was around 7:00 when Deana got off the couch.  “I have work at 4:00 tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.  It was a wonderful first date, one I’ll never forget.”

She reluctantly walked him to the door.  “I’d ask you to stay again, but I’m sure your roommates or whatever might worry.”

I’ve been in touch, but it’s fine.  Hearing your alarm go off would mean I’m up for the rest of the day, it would throw my schedule out of whack.  I agree, it’s been a great date.  Not a typical date with me, but that’s ok.  

“Yeah, what’s a typical date with you like, then?” she teased.

You’ll just have to find out, won’t you?  He smiled as he reached for the door.  She pulled him close into a lingering hug, her face buried in his chest.  

“Is it wrong that I don't want you to leave?” she looked up at him, her eyes almost sad.

No.  I don't want to leave, either.  All good things have to end at some point.  You needing to sleep for work is a pretty good way to end things.  For now.  I’ll see you on Tuesday.  He kissed the top of her head, giving her a tight squeeze.

She kissed his cheek as she opened the door, watching him walk down the hall.  As he made his way downstairs, she went to the window to watch him leave down the street.  She opened the window enough to say goodbye one more time, watching him round the corner.  

 

She closed the window, turned off the TV and the lights, realizing she’d never gotten out of her pajamas from the night before.  She got ready for bed.  As she got in bed, she remembered the night before, and how lonely her bed felt again.  It almost broke her heart to know he wasn’t there to hold her.  So much for no regrets, she thought. 

It was Tuesday afternoon, and Deana was coming home from work.  Deana was excited to see Justin again, hoping he’d agree to stay the night. Her phone buzzed.

Hey, I can bring Chinese and we can eat before karaoke.  If Dani wants to come, she can, you know I order enough for like 5 people…

Sure, be over around 7:30?  Gives me some time to unwind from work and get ready before you come over.

Sounds good, can’t wait to see you.

She had a few hours to kill.  Her paper was almost finished, the due date quickly approaching.  She gave it another read through, checking for wording and if there was something else she could add.  She checked her Works Cited list, that she had everything in the right order, hadn’t forgotten to cite them in her list.  A lot of technical stuff that was a little painstaking.  She stopped after about an hour, wanting to give herself time to relax.  

She turned on the TV and put a DVD in.  She figured she needed a little guilty pleasure right now, starting to watch Friends With Benefits.  She watched, imagining it was herself and Justin, Bruce, whoever he was.  She reversed to watch certain scenes a couple times to see her favorite parts.  OK, I think I need to stop, she thought.  This is really making me want to break all my rules and just jump into bed with him.  I miss sex, and I’m sure wiht him it would be AMAZING.  But I don’t want it to be something cheap.  We have this great connection, I’m almost afraid to ruin it with sex.  But god, to have him make me feel things I can only feel during sex?  Yeah, this is really tempting…

Danielle came over first to help Deana get ready.  “Nothing TOO hot, but more than just a plain old t-shirt.”

“What about your mulberry colored top, like the sage green one you wore?  Paired with jeans, boots, and a jacket, you’re great.  Hair can be simple, just pin back parts so it’s not in your face.  You can play with makeup a bit, do a light silver eye, black liner.”

“If you think so.  You’re not allowed to move, I need my beauty guru…” Deana laughed.

“You do well enough on your own… He likes you, I doubt he cares what you wear.”

The buzzer buzzed three times. “Damnit he’s early…” Deana sighed. 

“I’ll take care of it. You get ready, shouldn’t take that long.”

Danielle let him in, opening the door for him. “Wow, she wasn’t kidding when she said you’d bring a ton of food. She’s finishing getting ready.”

Justin put the bags of food down on the kitchen table. Danielle got plates and silverware. 

Soon Deana was ready and came into the kitchen. Justin gave her a kiss in the cheek. He made a couple hands gestures, one circling around his face. 

Deana’s eyes softened and a smile widened across her face. Danielle looked confused. 

“Unless I’m wrong, he used sign language to tell me I look beautiful,” Deana explained. Justin smiled at her. 

“Ok, your brother needs to up his game…” Danielle sighed. Deana laughed a little. 

You’d look beautiful no matter what you wore. I think I can say that after seeing you in your pajamas…

They sat down and ate, Deana and Justin stealing glances at each other. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Danielle asked. 

“Well now you know how I’ve felt around you and my brother, but at least we’re not all over each other…”

“I’m glad you’re happy, D,” Dani sighed. “I’ve been spending more time with you away from J. Junior partner has meant he’s now doing research, he’s been going over notes and other studies. He’s wanting to stay at the top of his game with new techniques, all kinds of stuff. It’s been a lot more work for him, and more lonely for me.”

“Well, you’re always welcome here, I mean, you’re still paying rent…”

They continued to eat, then watched a little TV before heading to karaoke. They got a table towards the back, Justin went up to get drinks. 

“It looks like things are going well,” Dani said. 

“Yeah, I think so too. I need to ask him again, but he said he’d stay over from now on after karaoke.”

“I can get myself home ok, or have J come get me from your place and I’ll just wait inside the lobby. Even if all you do is snuggle, you need that privacy.”

“Thanks for being understanding, Dani.  I wasn’t gonna ask you to do that but thanks for the offer.”

“Alright everyone, throwing a twist at you tonight. Let’s see how many different Disney songs we can get in tonight, you know you know and love em!” the DJ announced. 

“Let me check the books, not sure what I wanna sing now…” Deana said. 

“Pick one, and I’ll pick one to sing with you,” Dani suggested. Deana nodded. 

She walked over to the binders listing all the songs the DJ had in his catalog. She went to the section with all the Disney songs and started looking. No, she thought, most of these are love songs. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Wait… I love this song. I’ll do this one, I think it’ll be just perfect. She filled out a slip and handed it to the DJ. She took the binder and brought it over for Danielle. Danielle browsed the book, quickly jotted down a song on the slip and took it up. 

“So what’re we singing?” Deana asked. 

“You’ll find out once we’re up there. I know you know the song, even if it’s been years since we watched the movie.”

It was Deana’s turn to sing. Piano music started playing, her voice warm and rich. “I’ll be your candle on the water, my love for you will always burn…”  She looked at Justin as she sang, he found her words comforting. In so many ways she had made this time of frustration meaningful. She has inspired him in ways even he didn’t fully understand. 

She finished the song and returned to her seat between Dani and Justin. “I’m happy he had it, it’s a fairly obscure song. I remember listening to the Classic Disney CDs they put out, and that song was on one of them. I’ve never seen Pete’s Dragon, but I have such a fondness for the song.”

You are my candle on the water. I’m so glad I’ve met you, gotten to know you. With everything going on, you’ve been the silver lining. Like all this was meant to happen just so I could have you in my life. 

She took his hand in hers, kissing his cheek. “I just wish I’d found you before Paul, so I’d be ready for more.”

I’m in no rush. Even when I go back on tour, I want to talk, see you if I have the chance, even if it’s just for a few hours. To see you, hold you, talk with you. I’m hesitant now about going back out, but I have a contract to fulfill.  I can’t just back out because I met a smart, beautiful woman and want to spend every moment I can with her.

“You have?  Where is she? I need to meet her…” Deana said playfully.

I’m glad I can tell you’re joking.  I’m looking forward to having you in my arms tonight after I take you home.

“I wasn;t sure if you’d remember that.”

How could I forget?  Last time was great.

“I have to be up at 7:30, though, to go do my time at school and then my shift at work.”

Where DO you work, by the way?  I feel like I should know that by now.

“I’m at Starbucks, not too far from my place.  It’s not what I want to do forever, but they’re helping pay for my school stuff.”

I guess I need to change which one I go to, see you more often…

“I’d be too distracted with you there, as nice as that sounds.”

Good, I’d hate to feel like I’m cheating on my location just to see you…

They sat as the rotation continued.  Soon it was Deana and Danielle’s turn.  They got up on the stage, and when Deana saw what song it was, she gave Danielle a look.

“If there’s a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I’ve already won that.  No man is worth the aggravation, that’s ancient history, been there, done that.”

Danielle came in as the backing vocals, trying to convince Deana to admit her feelings.  

“It’s too cliche, I won’t say I’m in love…”

Justin tried not to smile as they sang, both of them getting animated as they sang, as if they were having a conversation set to music for everyone to see.  They finally got to the end of the song.

“At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love…”  The girls ended the song with their foreheads touching.  The mics picked up Deana whispering “I love you, bitch…” to Danielle, Danielle laughing in response.

As they walked back to the table, Justin got up to pay for their drinks before they left.

“You REALLY had to pick that song, of all the songs they have?” Deana asked.

“Come on, you can’t keep hiding how you feel about him.  He’s spent the night at your place.”

“He’s staying over again tonight…” Deana confirmed.

“You really can’t tell me you don’t love him?”

“Not LOVE, but it’s getting there…”

“I hope he knows that.  I figured this song might get some of that out of your system, out into the open.  That way IF Paul is still around, he knows you feel it for another guy.”

“I haven’t heard from him in a while, so hopefully that’s all over and done with.”

“Good.  Then you can move on and under Bruce.”

“Dani…”

“Just saying, this much buildup, when you finally do it, it’s gonna be crazy hot.”

“I watched my guilty pleasure movie, and imagined it was the two of us, and I had to stop myself before I asked him over to get it over with.”

“Yeah, don’t use the words ‘get it over with’, it’s a blow to the male ego.”

“You know what I mean, it made me want it, made me miss sex, and wonder what it would be like with him.”

“It’ll mean something, I know you.  This isn’t Paul, you mean more to him than a name on his list of conquests.”

“That was rough when I found that up on my laptop…”

“Well, then he shouldn’t have left his email up where you could see it.”

Justin returned to the table, the girls got their jackets. Danielle texted Jonathan to meet her at the apartment and she’d go home with him. Then they walked out of the bar towards the apartment. 

Justin held her hand gently in his, glancing at her as they walked. 

She could have picked any song tonight, and she chose one that really spoke to me, he thought. Then the one with Danielle, like she was trying to get Deana to admit her feelings. I’m not pressuring her, but Danielle is trying her best to encourage her. Even if it’s a bit upfront. 

They arrived at the apartment. Jonathan wasn’t there yet. “Do you want us to wait with you?” Deana offered. 

“I’m fine just waiting inside the locked doors. I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Danielle assured them. “Good night,” she chirped. Deana waved her off as they headed upstairs. 

She unlocked the apartment door, turning on the light as she entered. 

“Do you wanna just go to the bedroom?” she asked. Justin’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Ugh, sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that… I just meant so we can get comfortable.”

Justin chuckled lightly. Why don’t you get changed first?  I’ll wait outside your door. 

Deana nodded, heading down the hall. Justin found himself watching the sway of her hips as she walked. Nothing saying I can’t enjoy the view…

She soon opened the door, wearing a grey t-shirt and blue and green plaid lounge pants. Her hair pulled back in a braid, her hair cascading over her shoulder and resting on her collarbone. They laid down on her bed, lying next to each other on their backs. 

What other song/songs would you have wanted to sing tonight? he asked. 

“Well, I thought of one, but then remembered it’s a duet.  Wouldn’t work out as well.”

What song?

“I can play it for you if you want.”  He nodded. She took a moment to find it on her phone, but it finally started playing. 

He smiled, knowing Mandy Moore’s voice. “All those days watching from the windows. All those years outside looking in. All that time never even knowing just how blind I've been. Now I'm here blinking in the starlight. Now I'm here suddenly I see. Standing here it's all so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be.”

He heard Zachary Levi’s lines, a smile on his face as he listened. As the song finished, he started to type. 

Why that song?

“Well, I feel it describes where I am.  I’ve felt on the outside for so long, never finding something REAL.  Feeling like I’m riding someone else’s coat tails, along for the ride because I wasn’t good enough by myself.  Then you come into my life, and everything changes.  You make me feel things I haven’t felt towards someone in a VERY long time, and you’re not in a rush to make things physical.  It seems apparently that’s all I was ever good for, just someone to use to get off and go.  It scares me, but in a good way.  I hope you feel that way too.”

I do.  I wasn’t looking for anything until the night I heard you sing.  I was so wrapped up in my career, you’ve helped me slow down and see the important things in life.  I’ve had to reset my expectations on things.  I think we’re both used to things going fast before they fizzle out, but with US, taking things slow is what I’ve needed.  I’m used to being this arm candy, but not many people know the real me, deep down inside.  You do.  You’ve taken the time to get to know me, not many women I’ve been with have done that.

“Rough numbers here, how many women HAVE you been with?”

Justin froze.  Well, it’s not like I’ve kept a list or anything, I don’t really know.  I didn't care about the deeper connection when I was younger.  As a teen and in my 20s, I had this reputation of being a player.  Not exactly true, but there’s always a bit of truth in things.  But that’s my past.  More recently it’s been almost nonexistent because of work.

She sighed a bit.  “Is the list thing something guys really do?” she asked.

Maybe a mental one in our heads, especially if they mean something.

“Paul kept a list, he left it up on my laptop one night, I saw it the next morning.  I felt dirty and cheap to be the newest name on his list.”

I’m afraid to ask how many were on there…

“I was over number 200, that’s all I know.  I’ve tried to put the whole thing out of my head, that caused one of our earlier fights.  His justification was ‘you get tested, so if you’re clean, there’s nothing to worry about’.  All so he could keep sleeping around.”

Justin cringed.  I’m so sorry.  Jesus, this guy really is a monster.  Have you heard from him lately?

“No, thank god.”

I wasn’t going to tell you, but I think I should.  While you and Dani were out dancing on 80’s night, he approached me.  Tried to scare me off, but once I locked eyes with him and stood up, I think I was the one that was more intimidating.  He said you couldn’t resist him, and that we’d see how long we lasted before you went back to him.  I’m glad he hasn’t bothered you since.  If he starts back up again, I can help you get a restraining order, legally keep him away from you.  I just hope it doesn’t come to that.

“Let’s get back to the here and now.  Sorry I brought Paul into this.”

He was a big part of your life, for better or worse, it’ll take a while to get it all out.  I’ll stop bringing him up too.  You are so much more than just someone to take advantage of.  Taking it slow, I have more of a connection with you than just the physical.  Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think about the physical side, especially when I’m with you, face to face.  

“Yeah?”

You are beautiful, Deana.  Inside and out.  I’m getting to know you so well, who you are as a person, and it makes me like you more.  That if you decide you are ready, it will be perfect, almost like out of a movie.  A deeper understanding and connection than just getting it out of our system to break that tension.  It’ll be because we really know each other, and want to take that next step, not jump in there and play catch up.

“But you really think I’m attractive that way?”

I do.  Why shouldn’t I?  Don’t you want me to, at least a little?  Physical attraction is part of a relationship, even if it builds over time.  It’s been almost 8 weeks, I’ve had plenty of time to get to know you and build that.  But honestly, the first time I saw you, I was blown away by how beautiful your voice was, but also by the person I saw up there singing.  The more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I notice little things that make you more and more beautiful, attractive, sexy.  Do you want to know what I really said to Danielle?

She nodded, almost reluctantly.

I told her that if you’d let me, I would make sweet love to you and take my time showing you all the things I think are beautiful about you.

Deana stared into his eyes.  “That sounds, amazing… But I’m not ready.  I think about it, too, but is it bad that I like where we are?”

No.  I like being able to hold you, if nothing else.  Though I do feel like I need to apologize again…

“For what?”

Well, all this talk has kinda got things going in my head, and well, I’m really turned on right now.  I’m afraid to hold you and have it scare you off that I’m expecting anything tonight.

Deana laughed a bit.  “I think you’re the only guy I’ve dated, or whatever this is, that has apologized for being turned on.  It’s actually really endearing.  What do you find sexually attractive about me?”

Another conversation for another night, I’m really fighting all my instincts here.

“Yeah?” she teased.

OH yeah.  I mean, it would be amazing, but if you’re not ready, I’d feel like garbage afterwards.  

“You really are something else.  In the best way. I promise you won’t scare me off if you hold me. I’m even ok if you want to get under the sheets, no need to put a barrier between us.  I figure it’s baby steps of increasing our intimacy.  Before we know it, I’ll be ready for the amazing, perfect night you vaguely described.  And it will have been worth the wait.”

 

He kissed her cheek before getting under the covers with her.  It was a strange feeling for him, but once she curled up against him, his body cradling hers, it felt so right.   

The next morning, Deana’s alarm on her phone went off. The volume was loud enough that she could hear it, but quiet enough that it didn’t wake him. His arm was still around her waist, she almost didn’t want to go. She knew Ms. S. would understand if she canceled for the day, but she also didn’t want to just leave him here alone. She picked up her phone. 

Hi Ms. S., I’m running a little late this morning, hoping I’ll be able to come later. She felt guilty, but she didn’t know how he’d feel if she just left. 

That’s fine sweetie, if you can’t make it don’t stress. 

Deana stayed awake, enjoying being in his arms. She sighed contentedly, Justin pulling her closer in his sleep. Then she laughed, Ryan Reynolds’s voice in her head saying “it’s morning…”, feeling him against her. 

We’re in a good place right now, she thought. No expectations, we can get to know each other before going further. That being said, I think I’m ready to kiss him, I just need the moment to be perfect. Waking up in his arms is pretty perfect, but I don’t know, it could lead to more I’m not ready for. Am I ready for that? Ugh! I overthink everything… I’ll just kiss his cheek when he wakes up, play it safe. 

She pushed her thoughts out of her head, enjoying being in his arms. He slowly woke up some time later. 

“Good morning,” she said happily, turning to face him. She kissed his cheek, smiling as they laid in bed. 

He grabbed his phone to check the time. Don’t you have your thing at the school?

“I canceled, I didn’t want to just leave you here and have it be awkward. Gives us some time together before I go to work, I can make breakfast.”

I would’ve understood if you left. I knew it was something you had to do. It’s not like we had sex and you snuck out… And I’ll make breakfast. 

“Such a sweet guy you are,” she said as she kissed his cheek again. “I’ll give you a minute in case you need to, you know…” She looked down with her eyes, and he blushed a bit at what she meant. 

Sorry…

“Don’t be. It’s a natural response. Not like it’s the first time I’ve dealt with that, won’t be the last. Though it’s the first time it hasn’t led to some morning action…”

It’s not what you want.

“I mean, I thought and over thought about it enough. We’ll get there.  Meet you out in the kitchen. You want coffee or something?”

Do you have any tea?  Coffee’s not the best for my throat right now. 

“I have a really good Earl Grey, it’s my favorite.”

I’ll take a cup. He smiled at her as she walked down the hall. 

By the time he came down the hall, the kettle on the stove was whistling. Deana took the kettle off the stove, putting the water into the cups on the counter. 

“Cat or dog?” she asked. 

He looked confused. Dog?

She held up two tea strainers, one with a cat on top, the other a dog. “Good, I’m a cat person myself. I like dogs, but our neighbors had a loud dog that would scare me if I got too close to the fence. I was scared of most medium and large dogs until college, I’m still skittish around loud barking dogs.”

I’ve never seen strainers like those before. Pretty cool. 

“I’ve got a collection. I’m an Earl Grey aficionado, I’ve got a bunch of different blends from around the world. Friends bring me back a tin from business trips or vacations, and I look for interesting strainers for any loose leaf teas I get. My favorite is an octopus, it looks like it’s shooting out ink.”

Lemme see what’s in the fridge and I’ll whip us up some breakfast. He opened the fridge and some cupboards, getting a feel for what she had on hand. Go watch TV or something so it’s a bit of a surprise. 

Deana got up and moved to the couch with her tea, watching the Today show. She could hear the sounds of chopping, cracking eggs, the popping of the toaster, and the stove turning on. She heard the sizzle of things hitting the pan. It felt like their first date, using her other senses to tell her what it could be. There was no distinct smell, with the exception of bell peppers. 

He walked towards the couch with two plates, one for each of them. There was a breakfast scramble of eggs mixed with sausage, mushrooms, and bell peppers, with English muffins with grape jelly. 

“This looks amazing, thank you,” she said as she took the plate. She took a bite of the eggs. “Oh my gosh, you make this better than I do! What’s your secret?”

I’ll never tell, it’s a secret… He smiled slyly at her. They enjoyed their food as they watched TV.  Justin took their plates when she was finished, getting started on dishes. 

“I can help with that…” she said, getting up. He looked at her with soft eyes, motioning for her to sit back down. “You spoil me, you know that?” she yelled. 

That’s the point…

She walked over and put her arms around him, her head resting between his shoulder blades. He’d kept his shirt on all night. 

“So when do I get to see what’s under the shirt?” she laughed. 

We’ll cross that bridge when we’re ready for it. 

“You think I’m not?” 

I think once you see it you’re gonna want to do things you’re not ready for. 

“That sure of yourself, are ya?”

I’m working out twice a day to keep in shape, if not get in better shape during this downtime. So kinda, yeah. 

“I’m not complaining based on what I’m seeing, I just wasn’t sure if you felt comfortable enough…”

Oh I’m more than comfortable with it unless I’m cooking, but I wanted to fight off extra temptation for you. 

“Well thanks, I guess,” she said, a little disappointed. She smiled at him, along with the mental image she had in her head. 

You need me to walk with you to work?

“No, I’ll be good. Thanks for the offer. I can cancel with Ms. S. and feel guilty, but I really can’t call out of work just to stay home with you. As much as I really want to.”

I’m here whenever you want. 

“Don’t tell me that, you might as well move in,” she laughed. 

We’ll get there, maybe, hopefully. 

“You really think so?” she asked expectantly. 

I’d like to share a bed with you every night, waking up to your face every morning. 

“You say that now…”

And I mean it. Don’t you?

“Yeah. I should let you get going, I need to start getting ready for work. Shower, get dressed and all that. Reduce temptation for either of us.”

She walked him to the door, holding him close in a lingering embrace. They exchanged kisses on the cheek before he walked down the hall. She waited for him at the window, waving as he got to the street. 

I’ll talk to you later, beautiful.  He blew her a kiss and then walked down the street. She felt her heart swell as she watched him leave. 

She got in the shower, then got dressed and ready for work. She pulled her hair into a high bun, put her glasses on, and headed out the door. Her good mood carried her to work. 

She walked through the door, clocked in, and took her spot working bar. A coworker called to her, “your boyfriend was in here earlier…”

“Really? I didn’t even tell him which one I work at…”

“I meant Justin, he just left like 10 minutes ago. I think he was a little disappointed you weren’t here. But you have a boyfriend now? That’s great!” she said. 

“Well, not officially, no.”

“I’m sure Justin will be glad to know he still has a chance,” she teased with a wink. Deana gave her a playful shove. 

She felt a little sad that she’d missed another interaction with Justin, but knew she couldn’t see him EVERY time he came in. She wouldn’t let her bother her and bring her down from the night and morning she’d had. 

On her break, Deana checked her phone. She has a text from Danielle. So, how did it go last night?

She smiled. He stayed over, if that’s what you’re asking…

Did he sleep on top of the sheets again?

Not that it’s any of your business, but no. I felt comfortable enough to have him under with me. 

Did you kiss?

Just on the cheek. 

D, you gotta make your move…

I already have a plan in mind, does that make you happy?

Yeah? Really? 

Yes. I just hope it works…

D, the guy is hooked. Whatever your plan is, it’s gonna work. I’m glad you feel ready though. 

I wanted to this morning. I canceled with Ms. S. so I wasn’t sneaking off, and he made me breakfast. 

So why didn’t you?

Well, we were still in bed, I could feel him against me…  I was worried it would get too much too fast. 

Wait, you mean you felt HIM?  Oh my god…

I mean, it was first thing in the morning, but we talked about things last night. I think both of us wanted it, but I’m still not ready. 

Being ready to kiss him is a step in the right direction though. It’s a MAJOR step for the two of you. What do you think it’s gonna be like?

Perfect. Soft, slow, sweet.  Like in the movies, romantic and perfect…

Then bam, you’re naked in bed together catching your breath ...???? 

Not right away. Our relationship has been this slow burn, savoring each moment before going to the next. We won’t cheapen the moment by going right to bed. I mean, beyond to snuggle and sleep. I know it’s been difficult for him, but he’s really trying. 

Couldn’t give me the double entendre, could you?

Nope, that would be too easy. But seriously, it’ll happen sooner than either of us might expect, I’m feeling very comfortable with him, he’s not trying to take advantage like Paul did. Morgan wouldn’t have stuck around this long with nothing physical.  But Bruce, he’s different. I think this could be it, Dani. I’m afraid to jinx it but at the same time… Shit, my break is almost up. TTYL 

She continued her shift, still feeling good about where she and Justin were at. She found her mind wandering back to waking up that morning, the conversation about him working out twice a day, how safe she felt in his arms. 

On her lunch, she checked her phone again.

Hey beautiful, do you have any plans for dinner?  I can come by, or just have something sent over… I know you’re at work so I’ll just wait for your response.

She thought a bit.  She was closing, then opening up the next morning, not a lot of time to eat anything but a quick bite before going to bed.

Not tonight, Wednesdays are my crammed day.  Once I get home I eat a little bit, then go right to bed so I can open in the morning.  Tomorrow should work.

Would you want me to stay the night?

Want? Yes.  But it’s up to you.  I’m up before dawn for work so I’ll definitely be gone by the time you get up.  I’m ok if you just want to bring dinner over, eat with me, then go home.  My feelings won’t be hurt.

Let’s do that.  I get to see you, and you can still be responsible for work.  The usual?

Sounds great.  

See you then.  Have a great rest of your day/night.  

 

She had a renewed sense of happiness that carried her through the rest of her day.  She grabbed something small to eat on her way home so she could just crawl into bed.  It felt lonely without him there, but she knew she couldn’t have that all the time, could she?

Deana got home from work the next day, immediately going to her closet.  “I can’t NOT dress up a little, even if it is just Chinese food on the couch,” she said aloud.  She decided on a black scoop neck sweater and jeans.  She left her hair down, hoping there would be a chance for him to tuck it behind her ear.  She sprayed a little of her lavender and lilac body spray, enough to notice without being overpowering.  She felt excitement course through her as the buzzer rang three times.  She let him in, butterflies seemed to multiply in her stomach.

He gently knocked on the door.  She opened the door, and he took a step back, mouthing the word ‘wow’.  He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, waiting until he put the food down to hug her.  He pulled her into a tight squeeze, full of affection despite not being able to talk.

“Beautiful,” he signed.  

“This old thing?” she teased.  “I have one like it in cream, but I figured why tempt the gods and get food on it…”

Wear the cream one to karaoke next week.  You look amazing, as always.  

“Pick up where we left off on Friends?” she asked.  He nodded.  She got everything set up and pressed play.

It was the episode “The One Where Ross Finds Out”.  As they ate, they kept glancing at each other, sneaking smiles.  Deana couldn’t look at the screen as Ross checked his answering machine.  

“Reminds me of messages I left boyfriends, if you could call them that, in high school.  Yay for pagers…  Though one message didn’t go the way I thought.  I went to call to tell him I missed him, and on the outgoing message he said happy anniversary to another girl.  I was devastated.  I hung up the phone, I didn't know what to say after hearing that message.  I get really bad secondhand embarrassment, even if I know how things work out.  It still really bothers me to see people go through something awkward.  Which is ironic because I totally do it myself all the time.”

I’m just glad we don’t have to worry about things like that.  I know you like me, you know I like you.  

“Wait, you like me?” she laughed.  “I had NO idea…”

He smiled.  Well, I do.  Nothing you can do about it.

This is it, she thought.  The perfect moment, just kiss him Deana!  He’s looking right at you with those beautiful blue eyes, just kiss him!

Her phone buzzed.  “Hello?” she answered.  “Hang on Jonathan, what happened?  Oh my god, I’ll be right over…”  

Justin looked at her, his face full of worry and confusion.  “Mom fell.  Passed out.  She’s at the hospital now, I’m sorry, I need to make sure she’s ok.”

I get it.  I’d drop everything for my mom, no worries.  I hope she’s ok.  You want me to call you a ride?  I have cash I can give you.  

“I’ll get it, but thank you.  Understanding, as always.”

Do you want me to wait here for you?  I don’t mind, so you have someone to hold you when you get home, no matter what time that is.

“That sounds great, but I dunno what you’d do while you waited.”

Uh, you have Netflix, I’ll just watch something else.  See what’s in your recently watched and get your tastes in movies…

“If you’re sure, I don’t want to impose…”

No imposition.  I’m happy to wait here so I can hold you, even for a few minutes.

“You are something else, you know that?”

I get that a lot recently… he smiled.  

“I’ll text you once I know more…”

He waved her off, mouthing “go” over and over. She got downstairs, grabbed a taxi and rushed to the hospital. Danielle and Jonathan were waiting for her at the emergency room entrance. 

Dani gave her a quick hug, followed by Jonathan. “Well, Mom doesn’t need her blood pressure pills anymore,” Jonathan said. “Her BP dropped low enough that it made her pass out. X-rays show that as she fell she broke her ankle in a couple spots. She’ll stay overnight and once the swelling goes down, have surgery to put some screws in. Otherwise she’s fine.”

“Oh thank God,” Deana said, hugging her brother tight. 

“You’re dressed up, was HE at the apartment?” Dani asked. 

“Yeah, he brought dinner, we watched some TV, got to talking…”

“I’m gonna go check on Mom, I really don’t need to hear about my sister’s dating life…” Jonathan said as he walked away. 

“Feeling’s mutual,” Deana shouted after him with a light laugh. 

“So, did you kiss him?” Dani asked eagerly. 

“No. I was about to, I think, when J called.”

“You THINK??”

“I kept telling myself it was the perfect moment, he’d said something romantic, was looking into my eyes, but I just couldn’t do it.”

“D, you just need to relax, get out of your head about all this. He likes you, you like him. You’ve slept in the same bed, what more do you need?!”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna text him, I promised I would. He’s waiting for me, in case I need anything.”

“I think he loves you, D.”

“I think I love him, too, but it’s way too soon…”

“It’s been 2 months.”

“We haven’t even kissed yet. I want to hold off on the L word a bit longer. He could be called back to work at any time, I don’t want to say it and then lose him to work.”

“You know you feel it though. Follow your heart D, it’s not wrong about him.”

“Let’s go check on Mom. I’ll text him on the way…”

Mom passed out from low blood pressure. She broke her ankle in falling down. She’ll have surgery hopefully tomorrow, put some screws in. Gonna see how she’s doing, I shouldn’t be all that long. 

Take as much time as you need. You know I’m good at waiting.  Glad she’s mostly ok. 

They had just put Deana’s mom in a proper room instead of an emergency room ‘room’ of curtains. Deana lightly tapped on the door before coming in. “Hi Mom, how ya feeling?”

“I’ve been better…” She has bruises on her from the fall, including a slight black eye. “Well aren’t you dressed up for seeing your mother…”

“She had a boy over…” Jonathan said, like they were teenagers and he was trying to get her in trouble. 

“You’re seeing someone? That’s wonderful, you should invite him to Christmas…”

“We JUST started seeing each other, we’re not even officially dating, just talking things slow. No need to scare him off with all the family just yet.”

“Well, I’m glad you met someone. You’re not getting any younger, either of you, and I want grandkids…”

“You have two grandsons!” Jonathan replied. 

“They don’t live nearby like you two, I hardly see them but once or twice a year.”

“Another way to scare off a man, Mom. ‘I know we just started seeing each other but my Mom wants grandkids like yesterday…’. Yeah, that’ll go over well…”

“Alright. No use fussing over me, you can go home, we’ll call after the surgery.”

“You sure, Mom?” they asked. 

“Go. Hopefully I didn’t ruin your night with this new guy…”

“He’s fine Mom, he told me to take as much time as I need here.”

“Go, Deana. Your Dad will be here with me, his train getting here got delayed. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mom. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Deana walked towards the elevators. I’m on my way home, Mom told us to go. 

You want me to warm up the food?

Yeah, I’ll give you a 5 minute heads up?

See you soon. 

She walked out of the hospital, got into a cab and headed for her apartment. The plus side of her opening shifts was that it was barely 7:00, she still had time to spend with him before going to bed. She sent him a text when she got close, and buzzed so he knew she was there. 

He got Friends cued up on Netflix, the plate he made her was ready in the microwave, and he opened the door for her. 

She stepped in and hugged him tight. “She says she’s ok, but she’s all banged up and bruised from her fall. J didn’t say anything, but I’m sure she’ll need physical therapy, maybe even someone to help around the house…” she started to panic. 

He gently lifted her chin, looking into her eyes. He wished in that moment, more than any other, that he could talk. He moved her to the couch, got her plate of food to her, and sat down on the couch. 

Let me know how I can help. I have plenty of time right now, I can take her to appointments, whatever. Or hire some extra help. 

“You don’t need to do that, we’ll figure something out…”

He gently grabbed her hand. I don’t want you to stress about anything. I’m happy to help however I can, just let me know. He laced his fingers between hers. He looked deep into her eyes. Talking his other hand, he brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. 

This is it, she thought, the moment you’ve been waiting for.  What happened next came as a surprise to both of them. His hand lingered on her cheek, and tears streamed down her face. He blinked in surprise, pulling her close, rubbing her back. She started sobbing, almost uncontrollably. Justin tried his best to soothe her, trying to shush her, before letting her continue to cry. 

I did say I’d be here to hold her, he thought to himself. 

Do you want to text your boss, see if they can cover your shift tomorrow? You won’t be able to focus if you’re worried about your mom. I can stay tonight, hold you close to me, you can cry as long as you need. 

She nodded, tears still running down her cheeks. She pulled out her phone and sent her boss a text explaining everything. Within a few minutes, everything was handled. 

There. Now, what do you want to do? Do you feel ok eating and watching TV, do you need to cry some more, do you just want me to hold you?

“I’m ok eating for now, we can watch TV, then when I’m done eating you can hold me. I’d like that,” she said with a soft smile. 

There’s the smile I love so much… he smiled back. 

“LOVE?” she gasped. 

Well, I do love your smile, your eyes. Does that word scare you?

“No, it makes me feel safe…”

He nodded and smiled, pushing the plate of food closer to her. The sooner you eat, the sooner I can hold you.

She picked at her food, not really wanting to eat, but knowing she should. She put the plate down when she’d had enough, snuggling up beside Justin on the couch. He wrapped his arm around her, his hand resting on her hip. She rested her head on his shoulder, her arm across him. 

“Thank you, for everything. I’m glad you came over, even gladder you stayed.”  He squeezed her tight, kissing the top of her head. 

Do you want tea or anything?  She shook her head. 

“I’m fine right here.”  He ran his thumb along the curve of her waist. She laughed a little as it tickled her. A smile stretched across her face. 

“Yeah?” she smirked. She tickled him back, he squirmed in response. 

His eyes looked at her, almost as a challenge.  He hadn’t meant to tickle her before, but he certainly did now. Her laughs were like high pitched squeaks and squeals, he struggled not to laugh.  She was quick to sit on his lap, tickling his stomach and under his arms. His eyes went wide, letting go of her waist, she almost fell off of him. She pushed herself forward, fully leaning on him. 

At first she wondered why he’d stopped. She shifted slightly and had her answer, feeling the bulge in his pants. She found herself catching her breath. 

“A little excited, are we?” she giggled. He nodded, slightly blushing. She moved off of him, sitting back next to him. 

A beautiful woman is sitting on my lap, should I NOT be turned on by that, at least a little?

“I suppose, but I think you need your eyes checked along with your voice…”

You don’t think of yourself as beautiful, do you? His eyes turned sad. 

“Honestly? Not really. I’d been teased so much as a kid, from boys and girls. I guess that’s why I fall so deeply for people at any sign of positive attention. I can’t handle compliments, but I misread the nicest friendly gesture as someone having feelings for me. That’s why I get into our stay in relationships with the wrong people, any attention is better than none. I kept telling myself you didn’t like me that way so I wouldn’t get hurt.”

Well, I definitely like you. I think you could tell how much by what just happened. I wish you could see what I do about yourself. 

“Who all have you told about me?” she asked nervously. 

Just my best friend. If I tell my mom she’ll start planning the wedding and picking out baby clothes…

“Mine invited you to Christmas as soon as my brother outed me. I was too dressed up for seeing my mom…”

I already have family coming into town, but good to know both our moms can be a bit much. 

“She literally said to my brother and me, ‘you’re not getting any older, and I want grandkids’.”

Didn’t you say you have nephews??

“She wants some she’ll see on a regular basis…”

He nodded in understanding. Would that be so bad, though?

“Wait, what?!” she asked in shock. “We haven’t even kissed, and you’re talking kids?”

I guess I am. I was ready for it with my ex, I want to find someone else that wants all that. 

“I mean, I do, but there’s an order to things.  You don’t just spring that on someone…  But yes, I would like to be a mom if I’m lucky enough someday.”

Sorry for being so out of the blue. Just be aware of the comments when I introduce you to my mom. 

“Same with mine. I’m hoping she’ll put more pressure on my brother and Dani, but I doubt it.”

It’s getting late, you need to get ready for bed?

“Not in a hurry to get me into bed, are you?” she teased. She got up and headed down the hall. 

He put the leftovers in the fridge for her, cleaning up the dishes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her in the doorway to her bedroom, leaning against the doorframe, wearing her lounge pants and a black tank top. He had to hide a smile when he noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra. 

He walked towards her, a smile on her face. He couldn’t help but smile in response. 

She pulled him close, kissing his cheek. “Thank you, again. It means a lot to me that you’re here. I think I’d probably still be crying if you weren’t.”

YOU mean a lot to me. I hope this all shows that. The real stuff, not just spending money on you. He kissed her cheek before touching his forehead to hers. He let out a low hum. 

“I’ll be honest, I’m almost ready for that kiss. If my brother hadn’t called, I was seriously thinking about it. The more we talk about things, literally feeling how much you find me attractive, I’m getting more comfortable and ready and wanting to do things.”

I’m in no rush. Tonight wouldn’t have been right. That moment was special, but it still wasn’t right. You still want me under the covers with you?

 

“Now more than ever.  To feel the warmth of your body against mine, feeling your arms around me, it’s the safest place I’ve felt in a long time.”  They got into bed, and Deana soon fell asleep in his arms. Justin smiled as he held her, soon falling asleep himself.