11:15

The Library: Kareoke Bar

He couldn't believe this had happened. Not only had his life almost ended, but the tiny shred of it that was left was being torn away with embarrassment. He needed new friends, fast.

A high pitched, male, and slightly drunk voice belted into the microphone, reading along the screen. "I don't need to fall at your feet, just cause you cut me to the bone.." Chris pointed at him, and Justin thought that performing naked would be better than being sung to by Chris. "...and I wont miss the way you kiss me, we were never carved in stone."

He looked beside him and saw Trace was standing up, clapping. What had the world come to? His one, true confident had become retarded just like the rest of them. "If I don't listen to the talk of the town, then maybe I can fool myself. I'll get over you, I know I will, I'll pretend my ship's not sinking, and I'll tell myself I'm over you, cause I'm the king of wishful thinking."

Steve jumped up on stage with Chris and started singing along, pointing at Justin and dancing like they were kids on the Barney show. He looked up at the ceiling and called out to God, "Oh just shoot me in the head. Please."

He shouldn't have let them drag him out like that. He was emotional and all they wanted him to do was get drunk and finally tell them all his feelings, but he wasn't that stupid. And instead of drinking the shots and beers and other assorted drinks Chris has bought for him, he stuck with water. Bland. Cold. Tasteless.

Just like the bitch that dumped him.

But the truth was he loved that bitch and he wished she was there with them. But no, she was in Europe or Mexico or...Jupiter, doing what she did best.

Being away from him. Being Brit.

He turned to his best friend. "Hey Trace, I'll be back."

"Where you goin'?"

"I'm going to piss, nosy ass." Justin lied, punched him a little in the shoulder and slid off his chair and stood up. He nodded to Lonnie who was chillin' in the back of the bar, arms crossed, laughing at the spectacle Chris and Steve were making, and then moved towards the bathrooms.

He was a little cautious as he entered, hoping no one was in there that would recognize him and throw a fit. But it was the men's restroom and he figured he was in the clear.

He checked all the stalls, found them empty with the rest of the tiled room and walked to the far wall. He put his back against it and slid down to the floor. He sighed, closed his eyes and rested.

He missed her. It had been two weeks and he missed her so much. He thought she was his everything, his whole life, his soulmate. But he realized that wasn't true because he was still breathing, he was still functioning, and he had only cried twice about the whole breakup. But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt like hell.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, almost too small silver device and flipped it open. He only had 1 saved message, from his mother. Big surprise. He thought about calling her and just listening to her talk for a while to calm his nerves. But she probably wouldn't appreciate him calling her at 11 at night. And even though she would talk to him for as long as he wanted, it would be rude of him.

He stared at the phone for a while and then he pressed the number 2, pressed send and speed-dialed to a number he knew better than to call.

"Hello?"

He knew it was her right from the beginning and hoped that by using a nickname, his nickname for her, that she would be a little more sympathetic to him. "Hey Pinky."

But her voice was like stone. "Justin."

"I'm sorry, I just. I missed hearing you."

She sighed; he pictured her rolling her eyes. "Look, I don't mean to hurt you, and you know we'll be best friends forever-"

"BFF." He said, trying to make her laugh.

But instead she said the 3 words he had heard over and over again from all different people the past few weeks. It made his stomach hurt. "Justin it's over."

And the defense mechanism was switched on. "Why Britney!? I tried my damnedest to see you and spend time with you. You know I do. If I could be with you every moment I would, but that's not how our jobs work! You KNOW that!"

"Exactly. And I just cant be with you Justin. It hurts too much when you're not here. I get lonely."

Justin looked around the empty bathroom and brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed it. A migraine was setting in. "I'm lonely right now. I'm lonely without you. Please baby. Give me a second chance, just...I'll do whatever."

"Quit your job."

His hand dropped like a dead weight in shock. "What the-"

"See, it just not gonna work. I want someone that can be with me all the time or no one at all. And since you cant be with me all the time I'm picking choice number 2."

He thought about his next line, but before the part of his brain that was thinking rationally had a say, he blurted it out. "So you still love me?"

"Justin..."

"I sorry. I know that's not a fair question."

"It is. I just, I don't know anymore."

HE scoffed and rolled his eyes even though no one was there to see it. "Thanks Brit. Stab me in the chest, why don't ya."

"I hurting here too Justin."

"Well, you sure don't seem to give a flying fuck that you hurt me." The volume of his voice raised with each word and soon he was breathing heavily.

"Don't make me out to be the monster."

"You broke up with me Britney! What do you want me to do, praise you!? Get down on my hands and knees and bow to you like your some sort of fucking goddess. I don't think so."

"Justin..."

A groan sounded through the phone on his end and he narrowed his eyes at the black and white pattern the tiles made on the floor. "Ya know what? Just forget it. Maybe you're right. Maybe your just a fucking genius. Maybe this is better...for the both of us, as you say."

"You're being an asshole." She said in a motherly, calmly voice.

"Well you ARE a bitch."

And he hung up. He made a throwing motion with his arm, but didn't let go of his phone. He rested his arm, his hand with the phone on his lap and sighed letting the adrenaline from the argument wear off.

"shit.." He pressed 2 again and listened to the phone ring and when she didn't pick up and her voice mail did, he sighed. "Listen Brit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I'm just a little upset...to say the least. I date you for almost 3 years and then just like that, it ends. I fuckin' hurt. And It's gonna take me-"

"Maybe you should stop calling me for a while."

She had picked up the phone and he didn't know what to say. After a long pause he sighed. "Hey."

"Hey again. Justin why don't you just stop this. Stop trying to get me back or make me feel bad or whatever it is you are trying to do because its not cool. We need a break from each other. I'm not saying that we wont get back together and I'm not saying that we will. But right now, I just..."

He didn't need to hear anymore so he interrupted her. "I know what you are saying."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. The whole date other people, play the field, be single and ready to mingle bull shit."

"Exactly." Her tone turned much lighter, much more bubbly like the Britney that she showed on TV.

The door to the restroom swung open and a guy strolled in. The guy looked at Justin funny before strolling to the urinal to do his business. He figured the guy in the restroom didn't need to hear him fight, and he really didn't want him to, so he diverted the conversation. "So you doin' anything exciting tonight?"

"I actually went home for the weekend. Me and my sis are gonna watch Dirty Dancing."

"Oh god." He chuckled.

"What about you?"

"The guys took me out to a kareoke bar."

"Oh dear god. Yall in a karoke bar?!" Britney started to giggle and Justin wished that she would stop. It was the cute little things that she did that he was gonna miss, and having to hear one right now wasn't the best thing for his emotional state.

"Tell me about it. Some woman bout 30 years old got up there and did Stronger."

"Great, I'm already a kareoke favorite. But I gotta go. Jamie Lynn's here with the popcorn."

"tell her I said hey." The door swung open and the guy left the bathroom. Justin relaxed a little, feeling better now that he was alone again.

"Sure. Hey do me a favor?"

He looked down at his watch and saw he had been in the restroom for more than 10 minutes and the guys were probably worried about him. So he pushed himself off the floor and stood up and stretched. "what?"

"Sing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gainer."

He snapped back into his regular stance and laughed. "You're such a dork."

"Doesn't say much about you now does it?" She said in a smart ass tone.

"Shut up."

She was still laughing when she said, "Go party Justin."

"Yes ma'am."

"Have fun."

He sighed and walked over to the sink to look at himself in the mirror. He looked tired and drained. Tonight, whenever he got home, he'd sleep, and sleep hard. "You too."

"Bye Stinky."

She had clicked off before he had been able to say goodbye, but at least she had used his nickname, and that gave him some sort of hope. HE flipped the device shut and slid it into his pocket and with one last look in the mirror, turned on his heel and strutted out into the bar. Someone else had taken the stage now, singing an old Journey tune. The guys made jokes to him when he sat down with Chris saying he had "fallen in."

Justin just rolled his eyes, motioned for the waitress and ordered himself a beer, the first of many that night, he thought.

He joked with the guys that night, relaxed, and had fun. At one point, after the 5th beer, he even went up on stage and took his ex's advice and blasted out "I will survive."

He was single. Free. His own man. A bachelor.

But when a group of young women came into the bar, dressed trendy and looking good, he didn't glance their way, he didn't comment, even though his companions were drooling and trying their best not to whistle outloud.

He was single, but the mingling part he wasn't sure he was quite ready for.

----

11:00 p.m

5 miles west at West Village Club and Bar

"I've got wheels of polished steel. I've got tires that grab the road. I've got seats that selflessly hold my friends, and a trunk that can carry the heaviest of loads." The band playing bobbed their heads along. The guitarist strummed, the drummer drummed, and the weird ass lead singer with his aviator glasses stood still behind the microphone, singing. The only emotion he showed was around his mouth as he sang. "But under my hood is internal combustion power...."

"And Satan is my motor! Hear my motor purrrrr...."

This was amazing.

The place was packed, she didn't know a soul, and she felt like the band was playing music that was inside of her. She danced, her arms raised above her and her head hanging down. Her dull hair shifted beside her face, blocking most of both sides from view. She sang as loud as she could, almost a scream, letting out everything she had inside.

She was free, finally. No one to live for but herself. She could do whatever the hell she wanted.

And she did.

The lead singer of her most favorite band ever-in-the-whole-intire-world, reached his hand out to her, and the next thing she knew, she and about 5 other people had been pulled on stage. It was the best moment of her life.

Usually she would be embarrassed in these situations. She was sort of shy and being up on stage was a phobia, but for some reason, dancing on stage with Cake, moving around freely in her sweaty olive colored tank top and ripped baggy jeans was the best feeling.

The song faded and she hoped off the stage and into the crowd just as her favorite Cake song began to play, one of her many favorites. She started to dance again when she heard her name being called. When she turned around, she smiled, her eyes widened and she brushed her hair a little outta her face.

"RICK! Bout time you got here!" She wrapped her arms around her the guy that was about 5 years older than her. He was painted with tattoos; had a goatee, earrings, eyebrow rings, was thinking about getting a tongue ring; and had a shaved head. He had a black t shirt on with a Nine Inch Nails logo on it and black baggy jeans. A chain dangling in a loop on one side of his leg and he smelled of cigarettes.

"Girl you are INSANE!" He screamed and let her go.

She smiled a smug little grin and took her two hands and made the "rock" symbol with both of them. "They just pulled me up there, I was like FUCK YEAH!"

"You want me to go buy you a drink or something?"

"You better, or I'm not helpin' yo lazy ass next week."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Oh you're gonna love it! You'll probably get a crush on one of the boys."

She started to gag in an immature way that 8 year olds would. "Gross. Go get me something."

"What chu want?"

"Somethin' hard. I need a buzz fast!" She said, dancing now more with her shoulders than anything.

"Aiight, I be back."

Her gray eyes watched him leave. The way her eyebrows were set on her face almost gave her this pissed-off look. But actually, for the first time in her life, it seemed, she wasn't pissed off. She was happy. And so she sang. "Nowwww, but I just want to play on my panpipes. I just wanna drink me some wine. As soon as your born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time. Aw no! Sheep go to heaven...Goats go to hell!"

-----------

late next morning

WEG complex

"Go to hell Lance." Justin groaned.

A deep rumble of a laugh echoed from the sofa across from Justin. Then that laugh turned into a singing voice, "Just go on, walk out the door, just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore..."

Chris started laugh a little as he told more of the things that had happened the night before. Justin didn't find it all that funny. His head was pounding and his eyes felt like he had been staring at the sun all day. The sunglasses help a little, but the Advil that he had taken that morning had yet to start to work. And with Chris reminiscing all the stupid drunken things they had done the night before, Justin thought that it wasn't fair that he was laying there, sprawled out on the couch in misery and Chris seemed to be chipper as a kid on Christmas.

He shut his eyes and groaned, realizing that Chris still probably had an excessive amount of alcohol in his system and was thankful that he had driven to the compound safely.

Soon there were 5 people lounging around the area, waiting on the last and always late member of the group.

"I say we get his watches and clocks and set them 30 minutes fast, that way he will always be on time." Johnny said, lazily sitting on a recliner beside one of the sofas.

Joey pulled his hat down over his eyes a little, slouched beside Lance and yawned, "While we wait, I'm gonna take Justin's lead and take a nap."

"I ain' seep."

The guys laughed at the muffled groaned that he made. He didn't find that funny either. He had had 3 hours of sleep and had a hangover. If they were in his position they'd be just like him.

"Well hidey ho!" Chris said in a mock voice of Mr. Hankey from South Park when they heard the door to the room open. "Bout time you showed up bitch."

"What the hell?" Justin heard a familiar gravely sounding voice and squinted open his eyes behind his sunglasses to see Rick, their toy guy.

"Oh, hey Rick." Johnny said.

"Hey, I brought those papers because they were in my car. I was driving near and I figured if I didn't give em to ya now I never would." The tattooed man strolled into the room and walked over to Johnny. He handed him a manila folder and yawned.

"Thanks, is this all of them."

"Yeah, I got em from her last night."

A hand was placed on Rick's shoulder and an even more familiar voice sounded in the room. "Weren't you at that concert last night?"

"Nice of you to join us JC," said Johnny.

"What?!" JC said as he sat down on the floor, setting his infamous starbucks coffee cup, that was always implanted in his hand, on the floor beside him.

Rick nodded. "Yeah, I was. I drove her home because she was a tad bit tipsy and she gave them to me then."

"Tipsy, eh? She give you anything else?" Lance joked. Justin wanted to cuss Lance out. He was being an ass that morning.

"Dude, she's 6 years younger than me and I've known her since she was 3. She's like my little sister."

Chris asked, "But aren't you from West Virginia?"

"Michigan." He deadpanned.

"I knew it was something like that."

Rick turned on his heel then and started to walk back towards the door. "Well I'm gonna go home and go back to bed."

"Later man." Johnny said.

Right as he was at the door, Rick turned and started to talk, making Justin jump at his raspy voice. He realized he needed to get home and go back to bed as well. His nerves were shot. "Oh and I'll be by sometime later in the week to post the final copy of the toy list. If you guys want anything else added you need to let me know because that shit is finalized and everything. I don't want you bitchin' to me that I ain't got your barbie dolls."

"Don't forget Ken." Chris said with a laugh.

"Ok, and don't worry Justin I've got your stock of Britney Spears dolls already packed and ready." Rick over-exaggerated a wink at him.

Justin wanted the couch to swallow him. He didn't want to talk about her this early in the day. He didn't want to talk about her at all. "We broke up."

"So he's admitting it now?" Joey asked.

Rick threw him a sympathetic look and shrugged. "I'm sorry man. I'll make sure to get some playboys for ya then."

"What about that girl that's gonna help you out on tour? Maybe Justin can use her." Lance joked, again. And Justin wanted to smack him, again.

Rick's voice got a little more stern. "Hell no. Kristen wont get used by any of you. She's 19."

"She's legal." JC giggled.

Rick stated as he walked out the door. "Plus, she's not any of yours' type."

"Justin's single. He doesn't have a type." Johnny said in a more fatherly manner than any of the other guys, but still proving he could joke around.

Justin rolled over and embedded his body in he corner where the back of the sofa met the seat. He groaned, "Wake me when its over."

The room was filled with chuckles for a while and then it faded out and he heard Johnny talking. Even though he had promised to always have a certain seriousness and strive about work, he couldn't help himself but to not think about anything that morning. Before he knew it, he had fallen into a peaceful much-needed sleep.

A week later

She rubbed her eyes and looked around her. The place she was standing looked like a drop off place for donations to the Red Cross or something. If the boxes weren't there it would have looked like the whole city was moving. People were running about, talking on two way radios; transferred trucks surrounded her. One would pull away and another would pull up. But she just stood there by Rick's car, leaning against the passenger door and taking in her surroundings as she fiddled with the pass that was hanging around her neck.

"I hired you. Now move." She jumped when Rick's voice yelled at her from behind. He was at the other side of the car putting something in it, then slamming the door behind him.

He walked over to her and magically placed a heavy cardboard box in her hands. He picked up one from the ground and started walking away. "You didn't tell me what the hell I was supposed to do, jack ass. Don't bitch at me yet. You picked me up, brought me and my shit here and said, "just chill, I'll be back in a few." Then you came back and started bitchin'."

He stopped, turned, and cocked an eyebrow. "Kristen, drop the attitude."

She shrugged and tried to hide her grin. "Plus, its 8:30 in the morning, I don't work at this time."

"Stop being a lazy ass and follow me."

"Aye aye Cap'n." She would have saluted him but her hands were full. So instead she just followed him through the mass of trucks and boxes and other things.

She weaved her way behind him. He spoke to almost everyone that passed them but not once stopped and chit-chatted. Everyone seemed busy, too busy for her liking. She liked things calm and easy. And so far this job had been anything but.

Rick started laughing and she tried to look over his shoulder to see who he was talking to but she was too short. "Steve, dude. I'm tellin' ya. This camera fetish is only gonna lead one way."

She heard a male voice laced with the faintness of a Brooklyn accent. "But what if that's what I want? Porn is good money."

"Thank god you'll be filming it and not IN it. Where's your bro?"

She walked up beside Rick, because he had stopped in his tracks, and took in the man standing in front of them. He had a cheesy, large smile, dark hair and eyes, and was attractive in that Italian way. He had a camera in one of his hands and he was looking through it like it was his glasses. "It's 8:30. The meeting's not until 9:30. So in other words, he wont be here until 9:30."

"Damn, ya know if people really knew them, they wouldn't get as much respect as they do. Everyone thinks they're gods."

He looked up from the camera and gave Rick a knowing look, not once paying attention to her. "Dude, I know. I'm his fuckin' brother. Maybe we should start our own boyband."

Rick ducked his head when Steve started to get close to him with the camera. "Maybe you should point that thing in some one else face."

He shrugged, flicked a button on the camera and let it dangle from his hand by his side. "Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go check out the bus." Then he started walking past them.

"The bus is here?!" Rick asked a little surprised.

"Hell yeah, getting checked. I'm going to put my stuff up and then go talk to some of the visual crew a little bit before the meeting."

Kristen looked back and forth from the men, half curious to what they were talking about and half wishing they would shut up so they could get a move on everything that need to be done. She was surprised at herself for actually wanting to get work done. "Not fair, I tell you."

"What?"

"You carry around a hand held camera and get on a swanky tour bus. Here I am luggin there SHIT around and I get a beat up van."

"But the van is stylin bro." Steve said with a devilish smile then turned to leave for the second time.

"Hey! Wait a sec." The Italian stopped and turned again and she thought she was gonna scream. Could they not get this show on the road? "This is Kristen Topsell, she's gonna be helping me out this tour."

He smiled and started to reach his hand out to her but noticed she couldn't shake hands at the moment. "Sweet. We like females around here."

"Don't even think about it." Rick said in a warning tone. She wanted to smack him, the big brother act had been old for at least 5 years.

"Dude, I'm just saying: They are a rare specimen in the crew."

"Yeah, yeah. But she's like my lil sis, man." He said in a secretive tone, even though she could hear every word perfectly clear.

"I'm Steve Fatone. Nice to meet ya."

"You too." She half-smiled at him and resituated the box in her hand because the edges were digging into her arms.

"Later bro." Steve said and started jogging the other way.

"That was Steve." Rick said a moment later.

"Oh really? I thought it was Frank." She said unenthusiastically.

"Funny. Ok, here we go."

She looked in front of her and wanted to laugh. It had to be a joke. It was rusted, a pale blue color, and looked like something one of her friends in high school would own. "What's this?"

"This is Sarah." He smiled and set his box down.

She set her box down and placed her hands on her hips. "Please do not tell me this junk of a van is named after your strange obsession with Buffy."

A glare was sent her way as she eyed the piece of junk that reminded her of the van from "Who's the boss." It looked like it was just waiting to die. "Shut it. Ok, this is our house for the next 3 months."

"Oh joy."

He put his hands up in defense and opened the two doors on the one side to put the two boxes they carried in the back of the van. "I never said this job was easy. Ok, so we will be loading Sarah with all of our shit and the guys shit. The more fragile stuff will go in the van part and then that trailer which we gotta hook up we'll put the bikes and scooters and big stuff."

"Bikes and scooters?!" She asked, shocked. She knew they were probably spoiled brats but she didn't know they were toddlers.

"Yeah. All the boxes where we were before have written on them "TOY." If it doesn't say TOY- don't bring it. I made it easier for ya by doing the check list for the toys last night, but in each venue we will have to do the check list when we leave and arrive. See, its not that hard. Just moving shit around and loading and unloading. Capice?"

She stared at him for a moment and then closed her eyes and tried to stop the headache that was forming. "So we basically slave over these 5 guys "toys" as you call them and get to live in a van?"

"Correct."

She held out her hand and started counting a list on her fingers. "First of all, they are all grown. They have toys?!"

"Playstation, movies, instruments, ya know...toys."

She looked at him like he was crazy through her grayish eyes. "Riiight. Second, why not just drive his hunk of junk over to the boxes so we don't have to walk as far?!"

"That would make it too easy." He smiled at her and she just rolled her eyes.

"...and Third...they were on Forbes top 5 last year, you think they'd be able to at least get us an Suburban or SOMETHNG but this is like a van from the seventies. I'm surprised it doesn't have a peace sign painted on the side."

"It did when I bought it. It runs like a jewel and has been through a lot. Sarah's part of the crew here."

She sighed and started walking back to the pile of boxes, hoping she could remember her way back. "This is gonna be an interesting job."

"You'll love it." He called after her.

She groaned and stuck her hands in her pockets, mumbling under her breath, "Oh yeah, I'm already having a blast."

-----------

9:50

"So, what'd you end up doin last night?"

Justin slouched down in his seat, yawned and leaned just slightly to his left, towards Chris. "Oh I just chilled at home."

"Dude, again?"

"I had to pack!" He said in a whispered yell. Their tour manager was in front of them talking in a microphone about some specifics and security items that they went over every year, sometimes twice a year before they officially took to the road. They were underneath a white tent with some folding chairs that were somehow neatly lined up underneath it. There weren't enough chairs for people to sit down so the remaining had to stand up on the outskirts of the tent.

"Yeah I didn't do anything last night either. I had a nice long sleep in my bed." Chris said.

"Heh, that's what I'm talkin' bout." Justin yawned and hoped that this meeting thing would end soon. He had heard these speeches many times in the past few years and wished he could excuse himself. But he knew he couldn't.

Anthony kept talking in the microphone, walking around the small area in front of them and waving his empty hand with a rolled up piece of paper in it. It was then when Chris nudged Justin's arm and nodded over to the corner where two people were standing in the shadows. "Who the hell is that?"

"That girl?" he asked for clarity.

"Must be the girl that's helpin Rick this time." Chris said.

"What are they doin?"

They were both looking down and had objects in their hands that were connected by a cord. The girl was biting her lip and smiling, and Rick had his eyebrows furrowed. "Are they playing game boy?"

Justin turned to Chris and gave him a bored look. "Why cant we do that shit? We've heard this speech more than anybody."

"We gotta get up there and speak in a few."

He stretched his legs out in front of him and looked at Rick and the girl out of the corner of his eye. "I'm ready to get on the bus and watch my boy."

"Your boy?"

"Yeah, Tiger's playing some charity tournament on USA."

"You and your golf." Chris shook his head.

Just then Anthony announced them. "That's our cue." Justin stood up with the rest of the guys and stretched, faintly smiling as he took the microphone from Anthony and started talking as everyone else made noises at them. It truly was a family between them and the tour crew. He spoke to everyone, thanking and welcoming them, then he handed the microphone to Joey.

As he talked he looked around at all the people there. His eyes landed on the girl that was standing beside Rick, engrossed with the game boy. He was looking up now at them, listening, but not her. She was wasn't paying them a bit of attention.

There was something about her. She was plain, hiding her petite body in huge skater jeans and a small black tee with the powder puff girls on them. Her tannish hair surrounded her face, blocking much of it from view.

Rick had been right. She wasn't any of their types. Maybe Chris', but since she looked about 16 or 17 he figured that wouldn't work out very well.

But still, there was something about her.

------

That afternoon

Most of the transferred trucks had left. And now she could make out that she was in a HUGE parking lot. She had followed Rick around like a lost dog that day, but had learned that the job wasn't horrible. She basically just moved stuff around, and even though her back was a little achy, she figured she would get use to it. The Steve guy had been right; most of the people there were guys, but she liked everyone. They all seemed really cool and nice. She really liked Anthony, the tour manager. She thought he was cool as shit.

She had met other crew members, some management people, and some security guys. At first she was scared of Mike and Lonnie and the other bodyguards, but after eating lunch with a few of them she realized they were hilarious and hoped she could hang out with them more.

Rick had gone on a cigarette break and she was working on the last few boxes. Two of them were so heavy she had to have Lonnie come over and pick it up for her and put it on the hand truck. She didn't know what kind of TOY would weigh a million pounds but she didn't want to ask too many questions just yet. Her shyness had been on full blast all day, and she wasn't really bold enough to start asking things.

She pushed the hand truck towards the van, which was now just about 30 feet away. Rick had taken her advice early in the day and moved the van. She had set up her stuff inside "Sarah" and was glad that in about an hour they would be on the road. She really did love Rick as a brother. And even though he as occasionally annoying, he didn't act as an older brother when it was just them. She was really looking forward to riding in the van with him and listening to music and talking and not having to worry about anything.

Just then, the wheels of the hand truck got caught on a wire that had some how appeared on the ground and she couldn't get the thing to move. She pushed and pulled but it but it only took the wire with it. She didn't want to get electrocuted or cause a black out, at least not on her first day, so she pushed even harder.

That was a bad mistake.

It happened in slow motion. One of the boxes shifted, then another and the wire let go of the wheels and her hands slipped free and it started to roll away. The two wheels barely held up the weight of the boxes and with a loud bang and several clangs afterward, the boxes fell to the black asphalt and she covered her face.

She could hear things rolling around, hear the sound of metal clang against asphalt and it wasn't until she heard a loud male voice did she peek through her fingers.

"MY WEIGHTS!"

She saw him, blue eyes wide, mouth open, "Bubba Gump Shrimp" hat on his head, staring at the mess she made. She recognized him. He was one of the members of the group and she knew she was about five seconds from being fired.

"I...I'm sorry." She stammered.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?" He looked from her to the weights, rolling around.

"I...I don't know. The wire and they got caught and the next thing I know...I'm so sorry." She thought she might cry. She had upset him and now her life was ruined. He'd sue her for all she was worth and then die a poor miserable life.

He had bent down and looked at them. "Fuck, they are all scratched up."

"I'm sorry." She whispered again, trying to dam her tears, not wanting to be too girly on her first day.

"What happened?" She turned and saw Rick suck on the butt of his cigarette and then flick it to the ground. He looked at her, and she felt like a five year old that had broken mommy's vase under his eyes.

"My fucking weights are shot."

Rick put his arm around Kristen and gave her a quick squeeze. "Oh stop whining."

"THIS SHIT IS EXPENSIVE!" She heard him yell. He was mad. This wasn't good. At least Rick was there to help her, she thought.

"Justin...shut up."

"Dammit. My 30 pound hand weight is ruined. Look...it's chipped to hell."

"We'll buy you a new one." She leaned her head on Rick's shoulder not caring that he smelled like cigarettes.

The one he called "Justin" stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. She could feel Rick laughing as she leaned against him. "Oh stop pouting. Come here and meet my little worker bee for the tour."

"Hi." She squeaked out.

"Hi yourself."

She broke away from Rick and said in a low whisper, "I'm really sorry."

The guy sighed and offered her a comforting smile that made her feel 10 times better. "It's ok. I'm Justin."

"Kristen." She said in a quiet voice.

"You guys need some help gettin this in the van?" Justin asked.

"No." She said not wanting to piss him off or do anything more to have anyone hate her. She thought she had done a good job that day staying out of trouble and actually getting people to like her instead of hate her, but now that had all been shot to hell.

She jumped when Rick planted his hands on her shoulders and shook her a little. "Please help her. I'm going to go see how far we are until we roll out."

"Alright."

She kept her head down as she picked up some of the weights. She managed the light ones as Justin carried the big ones. The cardboard box they had been in was broken, but she knew Rick had some packaging tape in the van so she remade the box as Justin carried the weights.

She looked at him when he wasn't looking. She had seem him on TV before, but he looked a lot better in person. He didn't seem too much of a pretty boy, with his patched up jeans and Mr. Clean t-shirt, but she didn't feel worthy to be in his presence. She was just a 19-year-old girl from Michigan who was out on her own trying to make buck or two.

He was the millennium's version of Elvis.

So maybe he wasn't quite Elvis, but he sure was more important than she was. She couldn't even believe he was helping her. She walked over to him with the fixed box and put it in the back of the van.

He smiled at her and started putting some of the lighter weights inside of it.

"I...I'm really sorry." She said again, hoping that the repeating of those words would help him not despise her completely.

"Forget about it. So where are you from?"

She was slightly taken back by his forwardness. Two minutes ago he was screaming at her and now he was introducing conversation. She didn't really know how to respond so she just answered his question quietly. "Michigan, but I lived in Orlando this past summer."

"That's cool. So, how do you know Rick?"

Even more questions. She looked at him carefully out of the corner of her eyes. He was just putting weights up and seemed to be relaxed with everything: Complete 180 from what she just saw. "Oh we grew up down the street from one another. His younger sister use to be my best friend."

"Use to?"

"Yeah." She was gonna say anymore on that subject. He was getting a little too personal for her and she wasn't use to people that one minute are screaming at her, and the next are pleasantly having a conversation.

Now it was his turn to look at her funny. He leaned against the open back of the van. "Mmhmm. Well, its good to meet ya."

"You too. And again, I'm-"

He laughed and cut her off. "I know, you're sorry. You can stop apologizing. It could have happened to anyone. Sorry I yelled. I just ordered these weights a month ago, it's not a big deal. We'll just take the damages out of your paycheck."

She couldn't help it, but he was now closer to him and she could slightly smell the cologne he had put on that morning. He was a lot taller than her and he was making her very nervous at the moment. "Oh..ok."

"I'm kidding. Lighten up girl. We don't bite." He put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them a little.

She had two thoughts running through her mind. One, to smack him because he was touching her and she didn't necessarily like to be touched. Two, how nice that felt. Her shoulders were sore from the labor she had done that day and the way his fingers lightly pressed into her muscles almost made her eyes close and a groan come out of her mouth.

But instead she found herself staring at him with huge eyes, squeaking out, "Ok."

"What?! Do you think I'm like Tom Cruise in that Interview with a vampire. "I'll give you the choice I never had. bwahahahah."

She couldn't do anything but stare at him as he made biting motions towards her. She could tell that he was just trying to make her laugh but the way his eyes were looking in the afternoon light captured her, and she found herself staring. "Girl RELAX! Oh God, you are gonna die when you meet Chris."

He started to walk away and she realized she didn't want him to leave just yet. Dammit, she thought. She was getting a crush and she had only been there a few hours. Plus, Justin wasn't her type. "Who's Chris?"

"Excuse me?" He looked at her a little shocked, like he couldn't believe she had asked that.

And now she had made a fool out of herself for the second time that day. Her mental bashing was at its highest extent now. She was surprised Justin hadn't run from her screaming for help yet. "Nothing."

He walked over to her and stood in front of her giving her a devilish grin. "Chris is another guy in the group. There's Chris, the crazy old dude. Me, the youngin. Joey, the flirt...even though he's more settled than any of us. JC, the musical one...and Lance, ooo he's dreamy."

She smiled, thought to herself and then blurted out. "Are you the one that's dating Britney Spears?"

"Uhh..."

She immediately felt bad when he turned pale and started stammering. Time number three for embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

"No its cool. We just split up about a month ago."

"Ouch."

He looked at her knowingly, the color returning to his face slowly. "Tell me about it."

It was silent for a while and Kristen looked at her tan Vans shoes while she felt Justin's eyes on her. All over her. Scanning every inch. Usually she would either smack someone for checking her out or move and start to blush. But with him, she couldn't help but just grin and stay there, hoping she would get the chance to stare at him again.

So he wasn't her type. But he was still hot as hell. And there wasn't any harm in looking.

"Well I better get back to the bus, we probably are gonna head out soon."

And suddenly there was a sinking feeling inside her. She couldn't explain it, and didn't necessarily want to. "Oh ok. bye."

"Nice meeting you Kristen. Oh...and next time..." He had already started to walk away, but turned and smiled at her.

She looked up, hopefully and he winked at her. "Pay attention in meetings. You might miss something important."

Her mouth dropped open and he just started laughing a loud almost obnoxious laugh as he jogged away.

She was gonna have to learn, she needed to contain herself around that Justin guy. He was the devil, and temptation wasn't why she signed up for this trip.

A week later, late at night

The breeze from the open windows felt good against the skin of her face as they sped down the highway. The convoy of transferred trucks had been lost behind, but Rick claimed he knew the way, so she relaxed, sipped on her Big Gulp cup full of Sunkist and threw back a few Skittles. She sighed and took in a deep breath, getting the whiff of burning tobacco coming from the seat next to her.

She took another "big gulp" out of the huge bendable red straw and pointed to the radio with her cup-filled hand. "Ya know this is a great band."

Rick coughed a little and said, "I know. And Shirley Manson is hot."

"Have you ever seen them in concert?"

"Twice. She was so hot." He said with a raspy laugh.

She laughed and it made her choke on her drink a little. "Ok, who is NOT hot to you?"

"Martha Stewart."

"Oh god." She rolled her gray eyes

"You think she's sexy or something?" Rick turned to her a little and smiled; she just rolled her eyes some more.

"Oh yeah, obsessive complusiveness turns me on."

It was silent for a while and they listened to another Garbage song on the CD she had popped in earlier. Rick flicked his cigarette butt out the window and rolled up his window with the manual lever to block some of the cold air from entering the van. She liked the air, but rolled the window up halfway, too. Right as she was eating her favorite skittle, yellow, he spoke.

"So what do you think of the guys so far?" She stopped with the skittle at her lips.

She had met a lot of guys in the past week, but she had a feeling of who he was asking about. "Which guys?" and she popped the skittle in her mouth.

"Ya know…Joey and them."

Joey was probably the "guy" that was closest to Rick. But Kristen had her questions about him. She had questions about all the guys but Joey...there was just something about him that didn't sit with her well. But she really hadn't spent enough time with any of them to make that assumption. "Oh, they're ok."

"Just ok?" Rick asked.

"JC's the nicest." She said quietly.

He didn't seem satisfied with her answer and pressed for more. "And..."

She took a big breath and let it out saying, "Lance is nice too, but asks too many questions. Chris is...I really like Chris, but I feel shy around him. Joey, is...ok I guess. Does he really have a kid?"

"Yeah, Brianna is a baby doll." She waited a while and thought if she should ask what she wanted to. But she figured she was asking Rick, so it didn't really matter if it was right or wrong.

"Does Joey get to see her a lot?"

"Not as much as he likes, but Kelly and Bri come on tour for a little bit."

"Kelly's his wife I presume"

"Girlfriend." Her eyebrows raised a bit. She was one to prejudge people and she didn't think it was wrong to have a child out of wedlock, but for some reason, in this case, it got under her skin. She had a pretty good reason why but wasn't about to bring that up now.

"oh."

"You left out Justin."

She shot Rick a look out of the corner of her eyes. "He's a skitzo."

"WHAT?!" He half-laugh/ half-yelled.

She turned in her seat and defended her case. "He is! One minute he is yelling at me wondering where he's basketball is, or where I put his damn NBA all star game and assuming I've lost it and then the next he's asking me if I wanna play!"

"He's dealing with a break up. Give the boy some slack."

"I try to avoid him." She chewed on her straw.

"You avoid all of them. You need to loosen up. They might be big stars or something but they piss just like I do."

She pretended to gag. "Ok, a visual wasn't needed."

"Seriously, don't be so shy around them. Just be like you are around me. You're cool as shit Krissy, but around them you're like a little zombie." She knew she acted different around them, but she didn't know them. She was shy around people she had just met, it was just the way she worked. She thought Rick would know that by now.

"Whatever"

A very quiet, yet cocky voice came from beside her, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you had a crush on them."

"EW GROSS!! They are old like you!!"

He laughed and said, "Justin's only a year older than you."

"But he's the skitzo. I like sane people." He reached over and pinched her side. She slapped at him, making her arms look like a dog paddling in water.

"I bet you just love him. I bet inside you are like 'Justin Justin oh my god I love you I love you, take me now please please'." She sunk down in her seat as he laughed and turned up the music.

She grumbled, "Grow up" before rolling her eyes and turning her head to look out the window at the clear night sky above them. She stared at the stars until her eyes got droopy, and then she moved the lever that tilted the back of her seat to try to get some sleep.

-----

Few days later, around lunchtime.

Her shoulder leaned against the doorway to the room she was peering in. She yawned and glanced around, checked off an item on her list, looked up, checked off another and continued the routine. She jumped when someone pinched the small porting of skin that was exposed between her two layers of black and white tanks (black underneath) and her gray, 2 sizes too big pants that were about to fall off her hips.

"Hey lil Kristen. Have you seen my whoopie cushion?" She closed her eyes and prayed to God they would stop scaring her like that. All of the guys, no, make that EVERYONE on the tour had this thing for tapping her shoulder or touching her arm or pinching her side and making her jump. She had never been a touchy-feely type of person; definitely not around people she had known for a couple of weeks.

"Uh, no." She turned, forced a smile and turned back to the room to check off the toys.

They had arrived there about 4 hours earlier, set up everything and now she was checking off things so she could go grab lunch. He slid his body beside hers and he looked around the toy room as if he was inspecting how well she did. That pissed her off.

"Well isn't it your job to handle the toys?"

She caught his stare, raised an eyebrow and with a bitchy attitude said, "I've checked off the list a few times now, a whoopie cushion isn't on the list. If its your personal thing, we don't mess with it."

For a moment there was a faint look of shock that came from him. He looked at her almost like he was proud, then he smiled and sighed. "Damn. I bet Joey has it. Well anyway, thanks."

He brushed passed her and she mumbled a "Welcome" before turning back to her work.

And just when she was ready to get back to checking off everything so she could finally satisfy her hunger, he called out to her. "Oh and Justin was looking for you earlier."

She craned her neck and saw him walking away, not even looking at her. "Why"?"

"Something about his weights." And then he turned down a hallway and disappeared.

Kristen's eyes shut in despair and she sagged against the doorframe. She was about to get yelled at and that was the last thing she needed to deal with at that moment. She was tired, hungry, had a headache and was pretty sure her period was just around the corner. In other words, she wasn't one to mess with. "Great."

The folder she had in her hand snapped shut, she placed it on the table beside the door and turned smoothly on her heel.

She wandered through the back stage area, the back lot and had no luck in finding him. People said they saw him out shooting hoops; he wasn't there. People said they saw him goofing around with the crew and Anthony near the stage; he wasn't there. Someone said they saw him at the Food Service area; big surprise...he wasn't there. But her stomach was. When her tummy started growling at the smell of the French fries and burgers that they always had and that she always ate, she knew...finding the skitz was a lost cause. She started to walk to the start of the line to get her plate when Chris ran past her shouting, "Found him yet?"

She glared at him as he turned and started running backwards. "No." Her voice was a grumble.

He chuckled and said, "He's in 'our' room." She didn't feel sorry for the little elf when he ran into someone. It wasn't just anyone. It was Clara. Clara: the bitch, as she had come to find out. The girl was constantly pmsing, maybe it was because she was part of the PR team, and the PR people were always dealing with...everyone. But this girl was like a rabid dog that went crazy if you walked pass her five feet of personal space. So she didn't feel sorry for him at all. That's what he gets for making her search the whole damn place, she thought And now she was on her way to precious Timbertoes.

The whole hunger thing had been pushed to the back of her mind as she weaved her way to the "Nsync room." Outside the doorway was the infamous neon green sign that said "If you are not a member of Nsync...blah blah blah." She thought it was cocky of them. Just get in a room and lock it, was her idea. You didn't need a damn sign that excluded everyone else from you. Still, she didn't wanna get fired; so she knocked. There wasn't an answer and she was getting frustrated. Maybe this was just a practical joke. It would be so like Chris just to make up something like this to piss her off. Or at least Rick had warned her that this type of thing was "so like Chris." She looked around her. No one was in the hallway, well no one was looking her way, so she turned the knob and peeked in, just for her curiosity's sake.

She found whom she was looking for. But also found a lot other stuff. Weird stuff. The room was dimly lit with two couches and some weird looking puffy chair. There was a food table, surprise surprise. There were candles everywhere, but none of them were lit. She couldn't wait for the day when the front page would read "Nsync sets Madison Square on Fire: Literally." That would be a lawsuit for Court TV to deal with.

But nonetheless, her bundle of joy was buried in the couch, eyes closed, bobbing his head to some beat that was coming out of the headphones, that were as big as his head, covering his ears. He looked funny with the huge black headband-connecting part arched over his forehead. His lips rapped along with the song, which she could hear clearly from across the room and his ankles were crossed; his feet tapping the beat into the air. She didn't know the song because she wasn't a rap fan, but she knew one thing: When he was 50, he'd be deaf. But she liked her music loud too, so she wouldn't hold that against him.

She padded across the room after letting the door click shut behind her and stood, hovering above him, right beside the couch. Her eyes peered down at him, but her long hair got in her way so she hooked it behind her ears. She thought about what she could do his head-bopping, lip-singing, barefoot-tapping body to scare the living day lights out of him. She figured flicking his big toe would work. She hoped that wasn't anything too sexual to do. She didn't particularly find bare feet sexy, especially his, but it was skin to skin contact...and could be considered flirt- She was thinking way too hard about this.

She reached over and just as she was about to send her middle finger flying against his toe she jumped up in fright. Two arms had reached up and grabbed those bare sides of hers. She yelped higher than she knew she could and jumped back across the room and stared at him wide eyed as he laughed that annoying laugh and slid the headphones off his ears; the bass and rapping filling the room.

"Woman what are you doin in here?" He said, the room echoing with that chuckle.

"Lookin for your scrony ass. Jesus, next time just shoot me and get it over with." She barked at him. This whole bitchy vibe was going well for her, right down to the dog-like characteristics. She wanted to smile.

"Why are you looking for me?" Her mouth dropped a little.

"Chris said you need me about your weights."

He nodded slowly. "Oh yeah, well I was taking a nap so why don't we talk about it later." She knew the yawn he threw in there was fake and she wasn't about to take that shit from him.

"Listen Moody Boy I'm not gonna take that. I just spent a good 30 minutes searching for your lazy ass and no one knew where you were. I'm starving, all I've had to eat today was a kit kat...not a package of.. A KIT KAT that Lonnie gave me." Her stomach growled loud enough for him to hear over the noise of his music and she looked at him glaring and kept on talking. "I haven't finished my work and I have to before I eat because unlike some famous teen pop dude I have things to do this afternoon."

He interrupted her. "Hey I have-"

Now she interrupted him, louder than she was before. "AND I WAS TOLD....you were LOOKING for me. So here I come thinking, oh Justin is looking for me, oh its about his weights, oh I better hurry up, thinking I'm in trouble and I come in here and you're pretending you're Puff Daddy all high and mighty. I don't think so. You wanna talk about your weights? WELL LETS TALK!!"

He was staring at her and she could feel her blood pumping. It was like an adrenaline rush. Everything that had ticked her off that day, she had suppressed and now he was gonna get everything she was feeling inside. Maybe it wasn't fair, but to hell with what was fair. He wasn't fair.

He slowly pushed himself up on his side, holding all his weight on one of his arm that was bent underneath him. "Ok first of all I was listening to Ludicrous not P. Diddy, second of all, chill, third of all, ill buy you some midol-" She lunged for him.

"Oh you are dead." She was three feet from him when his arms and his legs were thrown in-between him, maintaining distance.

"And FORTH! HEY number four, back off Betsy!" Her hands parked themselves on her hips and she glared.

"It's Kristen."

He put his legs down, sat up on the couch and extended his hand. "Hi Kristen how are you today?"

She slapped his hand away and then put her hand back on her hip, her eyes so narrowed she almost looked oriental. Too bad her hair wasn't black. "What's number four Skitzy."

His head cocked to the side and he squinted his eyes much like her. His headphones were dangling around his neck like an incomplete gaudy necklace. The music was still pounding and she stared at the headphones thinking that if they did make a necklace like that he would probably own one because he was annoying and a necklace like that would have to be annoying, also. "Skitzy? That's a new one. What's that for?"

"You're a schizophrenic." She said with a shrug of her shoulder, pretending that this was common knowledge.

His blue eyes widened, his mouth dropped a bit and she almost wanted to go over there and pet him and go "Aww, he's so cute." But then she remembered that he was annoying. "You're calling ME...ok I'm not gonna go there. Fourthly....would you care to join me for lunch?"

And that's when she snapped. YES she wanted to eat. YES she wanted lunch. But with him!? Hell no. He was the one that was keeping her from her precious meal, so she wouldn't dare satisfy his presence at lunch. "NO I WOULD NOT! Let's talk about your weights! I have SHIT to do."

The side of his mouth was pulled tight and he nodded sympathetically. "Shit eh? That sounds like fun."

She stomped. She groaned. She balled her fist. She threw a fit. She didn't care how immature she looked, sounded - was; she was allowed to. she had to put up with his God-awful self so she was entitled to a "fit." She was sure it was in that long-ass contract she signed a month ago. "UGH!! I hate you."

"Love you too smuchims." He sighed and looked at her lovingly. Of course it was just an act, and it pissed her off more than she wanted it to. He was purposefully pushing her buttons, she had spent less than an hour with Justin in her whole entire life and he already knew what buttons to push. She didn't know she was that easy to read. Last time she checked, she wasn't that easy to read. She was shy, quiet, occasionally funny...occasionally bitchy. But nothing about her stood out. What pleasure was he getting from making her see red?

 

Her mind concluded his real name was Lucifer and so she flipped him off and headed to the door.

 

"Oh and Kristen darlin?" He voice was more sugary than her damn skittles she was addicted too. She turned, posed at the door with her hand on the knob ready to escape the fire pit of Hades. He had already assumed his previous position: laid back on the couch, ankles crossed. His hands were moving the headphones back over his ears, his biceps straining against the tight navy blue abercrombie and fitch T-shirt he was wearing. "have you learned how to read?"

She rolled her eyes to stop from looking at his arms, making herself believe that it was the brand of T-shirt that she hated and not the she felt from looking at his arms. "OF course dip shit!"

He closed his eyes, the phones over his ears now, the band part over his forehead. A weird since of deja vu came over her and she was almost certain that the whole button-pushing fiasco was gonna replay. "Well next time read the signs before entering a room, you don't wanna cause anymore trouble now do you?"

He opened his eyes and broke out into a smile. She was breathing so heavily she could feel her shoulders move. She couldn't remember being that "stark-raving-mad" at someone for the longest time. She knew she shouldn't test her luck and insult her "boss" but he didn't hire her and at this point she didn't give a damn. She said the first thing- no shouted the first thing that entered her head. "ASSHOLE! A-Double S-H-O-L-E!"

And to make matters worse he fisted his hands with his arms in the air and in a "mock-cheerleader voice" yelled, "Goooo TEAM! YAY!" And then proceeded to make a sound like a crowd cheering.

She slammed the door and stomped down the hallway, blind with her anger. She marched all the way to the huge food service room, biting her bottom lip so hard she almost drew blood. She was pissed as hell and as she struggled with the tongs to pick up the damn fries she realized she wasn't really mad at Justin at all.

In that hour time that she had been around him she knew that he was playful. He joked. He smiled. He flirted. He was your regular 21 year old guy. She was mad at herself and there was only one reason why. She could still feel his warm, large hands squeezing her sides. She could still picture his bright smile and mischievous eyes looking at her. She could still hear his laughter echoing in her ears. And that made her so mad.

It had been a long time since a guy had looked at her the way he did, in fact she couldn't really remember a guy ever looking at her like that. She was pretty plain and she was also pretty sure that Justin acted like that with all the girls. He had just broken up with Miss Opps I Did It Again and she had seen him a few times at a distance around Melinda and Erin and Amiee and some of the other tour girls. Hell even Clara got his flirty attention at times.

What the fuck was wrong with her? She had paid ATTENTION to him when he was around other girls? She had paid ATTENTION to him at all?! She was right. He was Lucifer. He was the devil, tempting and torturing and smiling that innocent smile that only meant one thing: trouble.

And she swore right then and there, as she patted the bun on top of her piled-to-the-heavens-high-with-condiments burger, that for once in her life she was going to stay as far away as possible from trouble.

A week later

"Do you bury me when I'm gone, do you teach me while I'm here. Just as soon…" Justin muttered the song he had been listening to, right before he got off the bus, under his breath and strolled to the gas station with his hands in his pockets. It was early in the morning, or late at night, and they had made a pit stop. He was craving some type of junk food that would satisfy his hunger.

He passed the gas pumps and noticed a familiar light blue van parked by the pump. Rick was out leaning against the van staring at the cement below him and bobbing his head to the music that was blaring from his van when Justin called out to him. "Sup man?"

"Nada mucho. Thumpin' and pumpin'."

Justin looked around the van and wondered where Rick's shadow was. Usually Kristen was right by his side. "Where's the lil' 'tike?"

"Inside. Don’t go botherin' her. She hates you as it is."

"Really?" He asked sarcastically. It wasn’t news to him that Kristen hated everything about him. He found it amusing since most girls started screaming and crying and orgasming whenever they saw him.

"You annoy her. But then again you annoy everybody."

He rolled his eyes. "Ha ha." With a smile to let Rick know he was kidding, he kept walking past the van and towards the door of the gas station.

Joey was by the drinks, talking on his cell phone and Lonnie was walking around checking things out; but that wasn’t what caught his attention. In the middle of picking out what kind of chips he wanted he heard a feminine voice lightly singing.

"You wont admit you love me, and so, how am I ever, to know? You only tell me: perhaps, perhaps, perhaps." He grinned evilly when he saw her standing there, hat backwards on her head and headphones over her ears. She had a CD player in one hand and a handful of candy in the other. She was wearing the pants he had seen her in almost every other day. They were gray and were so big they covered her shoes and drug against the floor.

She was so into her music and candy selecting that he was able to sneak up behind her and stand there contemplating what to do next. He smiled at the idea that formed in his head and wrapped his arms around her and picked her off the ground. She started to scream and he dropped her immediately.

Joey and Lonnie ran over to their aisle and sighed. Nothing to worry about. Just him annoying her again.

"YOU DICK!" She screamed and glared at him.

He clasped his hands behind his back, rocked on his heels and gave her an innocent look. "Hello beautiful. What are you buying?"

"Candy."

"Sweets for a sweetheart."

"Move."

"No."

She groaned and pushed him. He almost fell into a rack of peanuts but caught himself before he made a scene. "Why the fuck do you have to be so annoying?!"

"It's a gift. What are you listening to?"

He followed her out of the aisle and to the checkout line, where he pushed her out of the way to get in front of her. There were a couple people in front of them. One of them was Joey who was looking at them like they were immature teens. "My favorite band. Probably one you've never heard of, so why don’t you move out of my way and go back wherever the hell you came from."

"Ya know, I know more about music than you realize. What's the name of the band?"

" Cake."

"Oh, I've heard of them. I don’t know their songs though, besides that going the distance song."

She threw him a fake smile and pushed him again because he didn’t have anything to buy, and she was next in line. "Peachy. Move."

He dipped low to her ear and growled out, "Yes, sexy." Then he got bold enough to slap her ass.

She jumped, threw her candy on the counter and turned around. Her hands grabbed his shirt and she gritted through her teeth. "Touch my ass again and you will loose a testicle."

"Feisty, rawr."

He watched her eyes dart to their left and she immediately went off. "Get him away from me."

A hand was clasped on his shoulder and the hand that led to the tattooed arm, lead to Rick. "I told you not to bother her man."

"But its so damn EASY." He said gleefully, evoking a groan from Kristen.

"You're an ass." Rick said with a laugh, brushing past them to getting himself some fuel for the long night ahead of them.

Justin watched as she fished threw her duct-taped made wallet that he had seen someone make before, but thought was kinda tacky - but kinda cool. He stood beside her and rested his arm on her shoulder as he hummed. "Just as soon as I belon-ong, then its time I disappear."

She turned to him making his arm fall beside him and hit against his thigh. Her candy that was in her hand was planted against her chest, making her shirt stretch across her breasts. He shook his head and scolded himself from noticing such a thing. "Oh my god, you know a metallica song?"

"Yes I do." He said matter of factly. Her eyes got huge and he just smirked at her.

"Holy shit."

"I also know that distance song. "He's going the distance, he's going for speed, he's all alone in a time of need, he's pacing and tracing and going the course-"

She waved her hands about, still holding on to her candy like it was a life saving substance. She interrupted his singing and gave him a very impatient and annoyed look. "STOP STOP STOP! That's not how it goes."

"Well then how does it go miss I know everything."

She rolled her eyes, turned and walked towards the glass doors, lightly singing. "He's going the distance, he's going for speed. SHES all alone…all alone…all alone in a time of need. Because he is racing and pacing and plotting the course, he's fighting and biting and riding on his horse, he's going the distance…"

"Well, I declare. Get it girl."

She cocked an eyebrow at him, probably because he had let his Tennessee drawl on full blast. They were walking side by side now, out in the highlighted outside that was slightly blinking from the large "Texaco" symbol/sign that was clearly in need of a new bulb. "I cant believe I’m actually having a conversation with you."

"Hard to resist eh?"

"You seduced me with Cake."

His body relaxed when he noticed there was a smug little smile on her face. This girl was a strange one, and he thought he had her pegged; but that wasn’t the case. She was different than any other girl he had known. He hadn't really spent much time with her "type" and found it refreshing, and a challenge, and stimulating. She kept him on his toes and he liked that, a lot. The only thing he really didn’t like about their playful banter-filled relationship was that she hated him. Despised him. Wished him to hell. He wanted to do the whole playful banter without having to worry that she was going to punch him, or start crying- which he found highly doubtful- or worse, quit her job.

He knew he was annoying as hell when he wanted to be. But he also knew something else. Call it arrogance or whatever else, but he knew he could charm her if he wanted. He could flirt and enchant and lay it on so thick it'd be like eating a spoon full of just open extra creamy JIF peanut butter.

Even though he had only had one real relationship with the opposite sex in his life, he had been a momma's boy, and he had had women throwing their panties and breasts and other sexual paraphernalia in his face since he was 16. He knew that precious, sweet, delightful Kristen either wanted to see him drawn and quartered or wanted him to- well, wanted him.

And by the choice of words she used, he decided to go with his ego and choose the latter. "Seduced?! Damn girl, I didn’t know you liked me like that."

She rolled her eyes, but the smile was still there. The crush was cute, and he thought it would be fun to flirt with her and get under her skin a bit. All the other ladies on the tour were use to his flirtatious nature, especially now that he no longer spent his free time with a cell phone rubber cemented to the side of his face; making baby noises, and thinking of all the different ways he could say "I love you and miss you and want to be with you, Britney."

He followed her to Sarah who was shining under the florescent lights and blinking sign. She made a noise that he hadn't heard in a while. It was that feminine whine that was childish and always was used when something happened they didn’t like. It was usually followed with a "but why" or a "ugh, you suck." He watched her jiggle the door handle. Obviously, Rick had locked it, which was kind of strange since they place was lit up like an operating room and there were security guards standing about, stretching their large bodies after the long ride so far.

She turned around, leaned against the door of the passenger side and pouted. He just stood there, a few feet away and watched her turn up her nose and look like a kid that had been stuck at a family reunion about an hour too long. And that’s when he couldn’t help himself. She looked vulnerable in that moment and he wanted to take advantage of that. He crossed the 3 feet separating them and placed a hand on top of the van to support his weight. He lowered his eyelashes, tried his best to lower his voice enough, and said in his perfect Justin whisper, "Ya know my bunk is mighty spacious."

He watched her eyes for a moment, trying to read her and call it before it happened if she was going to slap him or something. Shock washed over her at first, then annoyance, and then, surprisingly, she mirrored his image. Her eyelids got heavy and her lashes seemed to grow before his eyes. They batted at them, not too much, but intentionally. Her pout seemed full, and more red than he had remembered. When he felt her hand slithering over his shoulder and up his neck, caressing it and massing the muscle in the back slightly, he knew, he might have taken this father than he had planned.

But he didn’t mind.

"Really?" Her voice had switched to sexual in a matter of seconds, and a girl, whom a few minutes ago he considered almost like a younger sister, or more like a friend's younger sister, had turned into a woman. Her voice was airy, breathy, and dripped with the one thing he had been lacking and had been pondering earlier in the evening about when the next time he would get it: Sex.

"Well, Justin. Hehe, here." She giggled, and fumbled with her CD player. It popped open and she took out a yellow CD with a swirl on it that was shining in the light. "Take this. Number 11. It's how I really feel about you."

"Um, really?" He almost lost his breath when she rolled the CD on its side down the arm that wasn’t using to prop himself up and placed it in his hand, purposefully touching his fingers with hers. He watched as the black, chipped off polished nails left him and snapped the CD player shut.

He couldn’t believe what a 180 she had pulled, and he also couldn’t believe how much having a girl, well now a woman touch him and flirting could have an effect on him.

Oh, yeah. It had be a long, long time since he had had that one thing. But with the way Kristen was acting, it might not be that long until he got it again.

She giggled again and he heard a click and watched her smile at him innocently. "Mmmhmm. I gotta go though. I think Rick is ready to make a move. Bye, hehe."

He was startled when he felt the door under his hand move and he stumbled back and watched her pull herself up in the van and slam the door.

He shook his head and pushed his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground and wondering why and how she had just caused so much fire in him ignite. He almost wanted to punish himself for the way he acted. He was sneaky and wrong and had provoked a much stronger response than he wanted, or thought possible for a girl like her. Also, Rick was looking at him like he was about ready to burn him at the stake.

And he almost wanted to run into his bunk and cry when he passed some of the newest members of the security team and heard one of them chuckle and say in a rude and unprofessional way, "Why not just get it over with? Take her back in the bus and fuck her and just get it over with, man. Just get it over with." So he just gave them a quick, side grin and jogged, trying to look casual, to the bus and bypassed any other activity as headed straight to his bunk.

Once there, he relaxed, shut the curtain making sure all the little cracks that might let in light or let someone peek in were gone, and turned to face the wall. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about anything but sleep; but the CD was still in his hand, and even after he had slid it label side down over his slick comforter to the foot of the bed he could get any sleep.

Eventually he ended up fishing for his CD player and headphones and turning to number 11 on the disc because he couldn’t go another minute without figuring out what she really, truly felt about him.

----

Once Rick had pulled Sarah away from the gas station and bumped her along the ramp and into the 4 line highway, he passed the couple of black sleek tour buses and sped ahead of them. Then he relaxed in his seat, pulled a cigarette from the pack in the console and lit it expertly while driving. After rolling down the window half way and taking a long drag he asked bluntly, "What the fuck was all that back there about?"

She laughed, "Pay back."

She turned when she felt his eyes on her. He stared at her, frequently turning his eyes back on the road for just a few seconds before fixating on her again. His eyes squinted, he turned back to the road, took another puff and let it out saying, "You're face is red."

She looked in the side mirror outside of the car, but couldn’t see herself in the night sky. So instead she placed her palm, that didn’t hold the box of Nerds in it, on her cheek. It was hot, burning, and if she didn’t know any better she would have thought she might have a fever. But she knew better. It was all his damn fault. It was his own, lip-licking, tight shirt, whispery voice and enticing words that had made her that way. And even though she had fought his fire with her own, and certainly paid him back for flirting with her and talking to her like she was some cheap slut that would do anything to get into "Justin Timberlake's" bed, it was his fault she was red-faced. She wasn’t embarrassed, at least not at the time. No, she was flushed, excited- God forbid, turned on!

He had made her feel like she was, believe it or not, sexy; and that was something she could never remember feeling before.

Her voice failed her, and she managed to utter out a, "weird" hoping to dismiss all inquiries bubbling up in Rick's mind, but knowing that her own mind would be running a marathon all night, trying to come up with a good explanation for why she was feeling whatever she was.

The next morning she was happy when she had woke up and found that her mind had gotten tired and she had, in fact, fallen asleep and now she was at the venue, surprisingly cheery for having had 4 hours of sleep. It was right after lunch when she found herself strolling into the stage part of the venue. She was missing one of her toys: her skateboard. Chris had had a habit of running, or skating, off with it to get to places and it didn’t really annoy her that much, but she and Rick were going to set up a mini ramp outback with a few things to jump and so she was on a mission to find it.

The boys were in the middle of sound check but she didn’t care, and neither did anyone else. There were a group of about 50 or so people crowded around the first front rows of the stage that were "lucky" enough to get a glimpse of the sound check. She rolled her eyes at the "I love Justin" shirts and the tight jeans, glitter and one-strap shirts that adorned the girls. Gross, she thought.

She looked around the backstage a little bit and asked around and found out from Anthony that Chris had arrived to sound check on a worn gray skateboard with neon orange wheels. And when he pointed to the other side of the stage she knew she was going to have to make a scene.

With a yawn she started walking across the stage. JC was the first guy she got to, and since Lance was in the middle of answering a question of one of the fans she decided to say hi.

"Hey Josh."

"What are you doin?" He asked with a surprised laugh, covering his mouthpiece microphone.

"Chris, skateboard, theft."

"Ahh, yeah, I thought that looked like yours. It's over there. I'll go get it if you want."

"S'ok. I'll go get it." She started to walk away and eyed a few girls that were eyeing her back. She hadn't really gone noticed until JC called her back and it echoed in the microphone a bit. "Hey Kris?"

He cringed a little embarrassed and covered his mic with a hand. She turned to him and he said just loud enough for her to hear, "Don’t walk in front of Justin. He's pissy today, everything little thing is ticking him off and we don’t want him exploding on stage."

"Don’t tempt me." She muttered and turned with a smile. She passed Joey with a slight wave, passed Lance with a Hi and got to Chris and Justin. The whole crowd had become silent as she passed and she could hear Joey telling the crowd who she was.

She didn’t care about the crowd.

Chris had spot her from a distance and was now using Justin as a hiding device. Justin looked less than pleased. "Kirkpatrick you are goin down."

"Girl, It wasn’t my fault! It told me to. It said, "take me, please." The crowd burst into laughter because Chris still had his headset around him and was allowing the crowd to hear at least his part of the conversation.

"Move Justin." She said, looking directly in his eyes. He looked like he had gotten less sleep than she had, and she immediately felt bad. She hoped it wasn’t her fault.

He took his head set away from his around his neck and ears and yawned. "Hi."

"Hi." She parroted back.

"Thanks for the CD. Really enjoyed number 11. Especially the chorus." He said dryly.

She felt horrible now. It was meant as a joke, but obviously he had taken the chorus that repeatedly said "Shut the fuck up" a little more serious than expected. "Yeah, s- sorry about that." Before she could start apologizing anymore someone had bent over in front of her and place something on the ground before her. Chris stood up and smiled a bright smile at her.

"Not hurt or anything. I swear it told me to. It's evil."

"Thank you Chris, just ask next time. Why don’t you have your own? You're the multimillionaire."

"I forgot to put it on tha wist." He said in a baby voice, still talking through the mic. She just laughed, shook her head and put one foot on the skateboard. She looked over at Justin and he was yawning again, hands in his pockets, looking down at the stage.

The guilt set in.

She turned and pushed off on one foot, skating past all the other members, waving at them again and then having to stop herself and kick her board up before tripping over some wires in backstage. She walked slowly out of the area, fingering the backstage pass around her neck and suddenly felt all that energy she amazingly had before, wash way. Now sleeping the afternoon away seemed much more appealing than skating, jumping and inevitably falling in the back lot.

Two hours later, that afternoon

She was propelled with force from the couch and landed on the floor with a grunt. Her gray eyes opened and she saw a familiar pair of Doc Martin's. Her neck craned back and she glared at the man standing in front of her. "Asshole."

"Get up, no sleepin' on the job, missy. Plus, I gotta job for ya."

"What is it?" She said yawning. She could smell the smoke coming from Rick as she pushed herself off the floor and flopped onto the couch. It was a nasty habit, but she had lived with it for a couple of weeks. But at times it could get annoying.

"Justin's weights came in and I need you to go find him and give him the order form and make sure he checks over it with you and make sure everything is there." Her blood started pumping at the word "Justin." He was pissed as hell at her and she was the last person that he needed to be near. She figured she'd just ruin his day even more if she spoke to him again.

"Why can't you do it?" She said, trying her best to look cool.

"We're missing part of Joey's drum set and I wanna find it before he notices."

She laughed. "You're so irresponsible."

"I swear I set it up in here, I remember this morning, putting it up. I think Chris stole it and is just trying to stress me out. Whatever. So, you gonna do this for me?"

She thought about saying no and giving him the finger and laying down and going back to sleep, but she thought this might be her chance to apologize and salvage the tiny portion of a relationship she and Justin had. "Yeah, where the guys at now?"

"Um, I'm not sure, but Justin was on the phone with his mom like 10 minutes ago in the hallway near the stage."

"Alright."

He dipped down and kissed the top of her head, while she tried to push him away. The touchy-feeliness of the *Nsync crew was starting to get a little overwhelming. "You're a doll."

"I know, just call me a fuckin' Barbie." Her voice was sarcastic as possible as he sauntered out of the room.

She sat there for a while, wondering how she was going to approach Justin without destroying anything that was left between them. She pondered why she even cared. From the moment she had been on tour he made her feel insignificant and picked on her and annoyed her to hell and back, but she kind of liked that about him. She liked his sarcastic flirting and what she hated to admit was that she liked flirting back. It was harmless and there was nothing behind his actions and words, but it made her stomach flip-flop at the thought that maybe there was something.

She groaned and stood up off the couch. A crush was stupid. A crush on Justin Timberlake was even more stupid. A crush on the one person that annoyed the crap out of you more than anyone else was the stupidest thing in the whole world. She walked out into the hallway, rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up and took her time finding someone that hated her.

She found him, cell phone in one hand, punching some numbers and his ear monitors dangling from his other hand. He was sitting on wooden part of the back stage that was painted black. His tennis shoes were beating on the wood underneath him as he swung his feet.

She thought about her approach, tried to time it and plan it so that she wouldn’t offend him, but finally realized she wasn’t trying to execute him or attack him and she should just walk up there and do it.

So she did.

He didn’t pay attention to her, just kept beating and punching and she rested her arms on whatever it was he was sitting on and leaned over it a bit. She looked up at him and his eyes moved to her for a moment. He was towering over her; the crate thing was already about four feet high. She stared at him for a while and when he didn’t saying anything to her she sighed.

"Whut?"

"Oh nothing." She sighed again and he didn’t say anything else.

A minute passed.

Another minute passed.

"What cha doin'?"

He mumbled as he talked but she managed to decipher a few words. "Enterin' a hoe's number."

"Booty call?" She said, playing along with this game.

"Yup."

"Nerd."

"Dorkchop."

She turned to him sharply and tried not to laugh. Dorkchop was a new one she had never heard and hearing it come out of his mouth was more comedy than she could ever expect. "Did you just call me a "dorkchop?""

"Go back to where you came from."

"Fine," she pushed herself away from where he was sitting and started to walk away. "…guess I won't tell you your weights came in."

"WHAT?!"

"Nope."

He reached out and pulled on her arm. "Come back here."

Kristen crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "You gonna be nice to me?"

"You tha one that fucked me up last night." His blue eyes were cutting straight into hers. She felt like a little girl who was about to get put in the corner. But then again, she felt the farthest thing from a little girl that there was. Behind the young guy that Justin was, he was all man. And she saw that in the way his eyes were looking at her. There was power behind those deep blues and charming smile.

"S-sorry about that." Her head bowed.

"Teasin' bitch."

She shot up and saw that now those powerful eyes were twinkling with laughter. "HEY!"

"So about my weights..."

Her mouth dropped and she slapped him in the arm. He faked pain. "NO! I'm not a bitch."

Just then she heard someone in the crew burst out laughing and when she looked over she saw Charles, one of the sound technicians, looking at her and laughing.

"WHAT?! I'M NOT YOU ASS!"

Justin laughed and hushed her. "Shhh."

"I WILL NOT SHH!" Her hands when flaying about. She never knew why she blew up so easily, but she did. The smallest thing could send her into a defensive temper tantrum. She usually wasn’t this bad though. It must have been Justin. Must have been the fact that her little crush was two feet from her. She was getting pissed at herself because of her immature feelings towards him and therefore she was taking it out on everyone and everything around her.

It was easier than realizing the truth.

Just then she felt a hand cover her mouth and she was being pulled with that hand towards the crate. She looked around her and saw that he had pulled her in between his dangling legs.

"Tone it down, girl." His voice was calm and soothing and her anger and frustration melted away into nothing.

"Mmmhphhfff."

"Well honey I would fuck you if I had the time but I’m such a busy-FUCKIN SHIT!"

She pulled away and wiped her mouth and pushed herself beside him up on to the crate. He stared at his palm in disbelief. "HA!"

"I'm bleeding, and I have your nasty germs. You just bit me!"

"So?"

"Naw, get off." His hand pushed her casually off the black box they were on and she had to jump off it, or fall off it.

"YOU JUST PUSHED ME! Abusive bastard."

"I know you are but what am I?"

She couldn’t believe he was pulling out a 5-year-old saying. She couldn’t believe she was there in the first place having this conversation with him. She had bit him; she couldn’t believe that either. He was turning her into a damn vampire and all he could do about it was act like a child. "Oh…my…god. I'm leaving. That's it. Later."

"Wait wait wait." She turned and walked away as she heard him say, "Hey Carl, I'll be back in 30 and we can fix these." When she looked over her should he was handing Carl his ear monitors. She rolled her eyes and turned back around and started walking.

Moments later and no surprise to her, she felt she had a shadow. She could heard his tennis shoes squeaking against the white floor that was reflecting the fluorescent lights above them. She heard him clearing his throat but kept ignoring him…

…until he started humming some peppy tune.

She stopped and he came crashing into her back. She turned and pushed him off her, hands on her hips and in a low voice said, "Whut?"

He nudged her and they walked together. "So, what's this about my weights?"

"I ain't tellin' ya."

"Pwease."

She looked at him and laughed. He had the pout and droopy eyes turned on full blast. "You think that works?"

"Yup."

She covered her mouth and contained her want to bust out laughing. "You look like Mr. Bean."

"WHO!?" He screamed and stopped.

"Ya know that British-"

An unbelievable look washed across his face and the need to laugh was now trying to be pushed away. "I know who Mr. Bean is! I do NOT look like Mr. Bean!"

She placed a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. "If it helps you to get through the day then believe it Justin."

"I'm suing you."

"For what?" She laughed some more then she turned on her heels and started walking again.

"Harassment."

"Please do not put sexual in front of that word. We had enough sex last night."

She felt a hand on her elbow and she was forced to stop as he pulled himself beside her and walked with her. "Yeah, about that. What got in you, you little vixen? I mean yeah, you were just screwin' with my mind, but damn woman, you should be sexy more often."

"I'm not sexy like this?!"

He chuckled and she was offended; a little part of her inside was hurt. "Well…"

"Ok, just stop. You're gonna piss me off and then I'm gonna piss you off. Why don’t we just go and find your weights and you can check them off and shit?"

"Can't you do it?"

"Nope. Rick told me you needed to."

"I don’t wanna," he whined.

"Tough." She pushed him into the toy room where there were several cardboard boxes; a hand truck was underneath one large box.

"Tough," he mocked her and she pointed his finger at him with a warning look.

"Watch it Buster!"

He nodded his head a little at her and picked up the stapled papers that were lying on top of the largest box. "Yes ma'am."

He pondered over the list a little and after waiting on him for about three minutes she finally plopped down on the couch, turned her body sideways and closed her eyes. He was quiet for a while. She could hear him clear his throat a bit, could hear whenever he flipped over a piece of paper. She opened her eyes and peered over the arm of the couch and saw him. He was sitting on the floor, against the wall, eyebrows furrowed and nodding his head as he read over the list and then looked over at a box and then checked off something.

He sighed and she could see the fatigue in his eyes and posture and lack of color in his cheeks. She flipped over on the couch and pressed her chin into the armrest. "Hey, are you like really pissed at me? I just meant that thing last night as a joke. I hope you didn’t take it too personal or something."

He looked up at her briefly and smiled and her worries faded. "Nah, its cool girl. I just had a rough night and morning that’s all. I didn't mean to take it all out on you, or everyone else for that matter."

"Everything ok?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Not really."

It was extremely quiet for a while. She stared at him as he read over the checklist. She thought he was taking a very long time to look it over. He sighed again.

"Wanna talk about it?"

He slouched against the wall and looked up at the ceiling, his hands beside him; one was holding the list. "Well I didn’t sleep well last night because, well, sometimes I just don’t sleep well and then this morning my ex's lil sister called me wondering when we were gonna get to hang out. Depressed the hell outta me and so yeah, I just got a lot on my mind."

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, regretting that she had brought it up.

He rolled his neck to the side and yawned. "It's k."

But now that she had brought it up she had a burning question on her mind. It was one of those questions that had no importance at all but she were dying to find out if she was right or not. She couldn’t contain herself anymore. "Isn't that that girl that was on Crossroads that played her when she was younger?"

"Yeah…" He looked up and smiled and she watched as his smiled drop and he gave her a shocked look. "WAIT! You saw Crossroads?!"

"'Um...no." She realized that she had just tattled on herself and tried to cover up her colossal mistake with lying. She would never hear the end of this one.

He pushed himself off the floor, grabbed a pair of scissors that were magically lying on top of the boxes, and started cutting along the packaging tape. "Oh my god, you are a teeny in disguise aren't you? I bet you like Nick Carter."

"Eeeeewwww, gross. No. I like Justin Timberlake. He's hot." She deadpanned.

He looked over his shoulder and pried a box open, his muscles flexing under the tight sleeve of his T-shirt. "Damn, straight."

"Sarcasm, kid."

"Sure, sure."

She rolled off the couch and decided she would help him. She sat down on her knees, mocking his position and grabbed the scissors from him as he looked over the list again. "Everything there?"

"I think so. You saw Crossroads."

She groaned and threateningly pointed the scissors at him. "I had nothing to do and wanted to see if it sucked as much as I thought it would!"

"Ya know, if you wanna meet Brit I can hook ya up."

"I'll pass. So did you two have sex?" She giggled at the gasp she got in return. Just the reaction she wanted, and now he was under the spotlight, so her little Crossroads trip had been forgotten for the time being.

"Ok, first that’s none of your business lil Krissy and second, you just said the word sex."

"Yeah, so?" She shrugged.

"Just, wow. I didn’t even know you knew what that meant."

With her hands on her hips she turned and looked at him. She knew she didn’t talk about sex much, and she knew most guys didn’t find her type "sexy," but she wasn’t completely naïve or innocent. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

 

"You're just kinda innocent in this I don’t give a shit way."

"Right. You know very little about me then." She rolled her eyes and struggled to take the Styrofoam packaging off the weights. It was taped down so she couldn’t get it off, and the weights were too heavy anyway. Justin pushed her out of the way and with a grunt, lifted them out of the box.

"So you're a porn star?" he said.

She looked at him and smirked. He was smiling at her and it made her have this warm feeling inside of herself she had never experienced before. "Yes, I am."

"I knew it."

After struggling with the weights and getting about half of them out on the floor, they realized they were going to need the help of someone bigger. They found James who was on the security team. He mainly just checked out things but wasn’t one that was a shadow to the guys. But he was big enough, and with his help they got all the weights out. Kristen wondered how they were going to load and unload the weights from place to place but she figured she would end up building some upper body strength or end up pulling a muscle, filing law suit and getting money. Either way worked for her.

They cleaned up the room that was filled with cardboard boxes, packaging tape, and Styrofoam to use for later use, and now they were sprawled out, relaxing. Chris had stopped by once but after seeing the mess they had made he left with a surprisingly high squeal. Kristen laughed her ass off and Justin mocked him until she they were both lying on the couches what were adjacent to one another, exhausted. Justin's cell phone was on the small table closest to Kristen when it started vibrating against the tabletop and jumping around like a fly caught against a window.

"Answer it." Justin said, not moving, not opening his eyes, not doing anything but moving his mouth to form words.

"What?"

He lifted his head and looked at her with a wink. "Just answer it."

She looked at him weird at first and then gave in and answered it. The device was super small and it intrigued her. She had never owned a cell phone, let alone one that was about the size of her thumb. "Hello?"

"Yo, who dis?" She looked at Justin funny. He was laying on his side now, smiling at her and curious at to what was going on with the phone conversation.

"Don’t matter. Who dis?" She said, mocking the voice coming through the phone.

"Rell."

"Who the fuck is Rell?" She said with a little bit of attitude. Justin started chuckling to himself.

"It's Pharrell."

She said in question, "Pharrell?"

 

"Yeah part of the Neptunes. Ya know we did the song "Girlfriend" with them."

Her gray eyes rolled and her body sat up on the couch, putting her feet on the table in front of her. "Um...yeah. Don’t have a clue."

"Give it here," Justin said, reaching out his long arm.

"Nope."

"Gurl, lemme talk to Dirty," the voice through the phone said.

"Dirty!? I don’t even wanna know."

"Give it!" Justin pouted and thrusted his arm out again at her.

"Nope." She turned back to the phone conversation and stood off the couch. She heard Justin groan and smiled to her self. "Why you call him Dirty? "

There was a pause on the other end and a slight laugh. "Who IS dis?!"

She was just about to say something else when she felt warm arms encircle her waist and the phone was pried from her fingers. "HEY!"

"Sorry 'bout dat man. I call ya back, aiight? Later." The phone was cut off and thrown somewhere and the next thing she knew she was being picked up, kicking and screaming and his soothing voice was purring in her ear. "You're dead."

"What Dirty?!" She giggled as he threw her on the couch he had been laying on. It was warm from his body and she wanted to turn over on her stomach and smile and get all cozy and what the hell was she thinking. She liked being in his arms. And she liked it when he was close to her. And she liked it when he laid down across from her and put his socked feet right beside her head on the arm of the couch. And she liked when he took her Vans clad feet and put them on his chest, leaving his hands on her ankles. She liked it a lot. She liked him a lot.

"Hey, at least he don’t call me "juju." Ugh." He smiled at her with a beautiful smile. She hated the fact that he had to have a beautiful smile.

"That's horrible. What other nicknames you got?"

"Uh, Jay, Just, um, I don’t know, sex god." He winked. She was noticing he did that often. In fact, she had noticed that from the first day she saw him around other women, he flirted with them. The major tool he used was his eyes, and his smile, and his body, and his charm and personality and every other part of him.

"Right," she said with sarcasm, trying not to blush.

"What about you," he asked with a yawn.

"My dad use to call me Katie."

"Why!?"

She smiled and decided not to be a smart-ass and say something or roll her eyes. "K, as in Kristen; T, as in Topsell."

He looked up at the ceiling for a while, moving his hands around her ankles, pushing down on the heavy material that was hiding them. His hands were so large they completely went around them. She liked his hands. She wanted to feel his hands other places. This was getting way out of hand. "KT and JT. I like it."

"JT?"

"Justin Timberlake, biotch," he said in a joking manner.

"Are you on crack?"

"Occasionally."

"Thought so."

It was quiet for a while and when she took her eyes off the carpeted floor and looked at him he was staring at her. She gave him a weird glance, which he returned with a smile, but he didn’t stop looking at her and it made her nervous. She had already discovered her stupid, petty little crush she had on him, and she had tried her best to suppress it, but now, all she wanted to do was flip over and hold on to him and take a nap. She hated being touchy-feely and somehow she wanted to do nothing more than to cuddle with him. She had laughed at "cuddling" before; laughed at preppy girls that were obsessed with boys and gushed over them. But now she was no better than them. "Aiight, girl. I gotta go back and get my monitors fixed. They be fuzzin' up on me."

"Must you talk like that?" she said, seeing how he had pulled out the ebonics, much like his friend "rell."

"Like whut?"

She laughed and took her feet off his chest and propped them up on the back of the couch. "Nothing. Go."

"Aiight. Later KT." He swung his legs over the couch and patted her thigh gently, making her shiver. She watched as he got up and walked to the door, stretching, causing the back of his T-shirt to ride up, giving her a glimpse of his lower back. He swiped up his phone from where it was on the floor and slid it into his back pocket, smiling at her.

"Bye JT." She said with a smile, flirting almost. When he had left her all alone she turned over in the couch, sticking her face deep into the cushion hoping maybe she would suffocate and then maybe the teenybopper that had taken over her body would leave.

The old Kristen had been deserted and the new Justin-obsessed, horrible, giddy, girlie one had taken over named "KT".

And the worst part about the whole identity crisis was that she kind of liked the new "KT."

A mumbled "shit" stirred her into consciousness but she disregarded it and slipped into dreamland again.

A yelled "FUCKING SHIT!" hurled her into an up right position with wide, tired eyes.

"Come on Sarah don't DO this to me, come on baby...come on..." She scratched her head with one hand and rubbed her eye with the other, her lips pursed, confused about what the hell was going on, and still half asleep.

She heard the sound of a car cranking, or trying to be cranked for that matter. The engine started off like it was going to start going and then it coughed and she heard a banging noise and when she rubbed both her eyes and looked out the front window she could see smoke seeping out from under the hood.

The door slammed and she watched Rick walk to the front of the car, stare, and then an angry look came to his face and he started kicking the car.

Sarah had died.

Readjusting her tank top and slipping on her sandals she scooted over to the door from her make-shift bed in the back seat. The air outside was cold and Rick was pacing, which wasn't a good sign. At least they were at a gas station, she thought.

"What happened Rick?" She said, hugging her arms around herself to try and regain some warmth that had just surged away from her.

He stared at the van like it was the lowliest creature he had ever seen. "Fuckin piece of shit wont start. I hate it. I hate it. I always said I hated this shit."

"No, you-"

He cut her off with a biting glance and a fierce voice. "Fuck off Kristen."

With a "psycho" mouthed into the air and a turn of her feels she walked back to the van and pulled her favorite jogging jacket that had a big pink stain on the sleeve. She had gotten it from a thrift store back home. It was worn in, stained and tattered and was perfect. She grabbed her duct tape wallet as well and stuck it in her back pocket of her oversized jeans and strutted into the gas station.

Minutes later, her favored Sunkist was staring her in the face, and when she opened the door and a rush of refrigerated air hit her, she jumped and made a high-pitched squeal.

But not because of the cold air.

"Hey KT."

She ignored the extra beat her heart gave and shook off the goose bumps rising against her skin. She turned and smiled genuinely. "Hey! What are you doin?"

"Gettin some completely unnutritional carb-filled junk to make me fat." Justin smiled and shook a bag of plain potato chips in his hand.

"Not possible, string bean." She playfully hit him in the stomach, trying not to gawk at how hard it was when she made contact.

He dropped his mouth a little. "Hey! JC is the string bean. I'm all muscle baby."

"You have a vivid imagination, kid."

"KID!? I'm older than you! We've discussed this."

"But I'm so much more mature." She giggled when he started to pout. She took in his appearance. He was in track pants and obviously wasn't paying attention to the way he had put them on because about 3 of the snap buttons on the side were unsnapped and a few were snapping with the wrong one.

He had a pull over on and the hood was covering his head. He must have just woke up, she thought.

"Hey, you wanna sleep with me tonight?"

"EXCUSE ME!?" She about fainted. He had said it so casually, like it was nothing. And now all she could think about was Justin and her....doing...

This was bad. He wanted to have sex with her and she hated it because she wouldn't be able to say no, and that meant that she was about to have sex with Justin...Justin Timberlake.

She was going to have him touch her and kiss her and...

"Ya know, with us, on the bus. You either stay with Rick and are bored and get to listen to him bitch about Sarah or you get to ride with us in a luxurious tour bus to Seattle." He exaggerated the word luxurious in his perfect Justin way.

She breathed a sigh of relief and when he started to laugh she hit him, again, in the stomach. Whew, now she wouldn't have to have sex with him. "Where will I sleep?"

"We got some extra bunks." He shrugged.

Last time she remembered the guys were, well Justin in particular, were complaining about how little bunk space they had so they had taken over some of the other bunks for storage and such. "they aren't taken?"

"Nah, I might have to clean one out or something."

She looked out the glass windows of the store to see Rick hovering over the open hood of the van, staring fiercely at Sarah's inner parts. "You sure you don't mind?"

She heard him sigh and when she looked up he had his head cocked to the side with a tired but serious look on his face. He planted his hand on her shoulder and it made her get chills. "Kristen its 1 in the morning. Chris is asleep, surprisingly. And I'm just getting me some Nyquil before I knock out."

"Nyquil? Are you a junkie?" She smirked and shrugged off his hand from her shoulder. She was going to have to have a long talk with herself about how Justin was affecting her physically. It was stupid and girly for her to get so enamored with every part of him, physically and otherwise. And it was just pathetic that every time he got near her she felt like falling on the floor in a puddle of mush. He had turned her into a teenybopper as well and she couldn't have that anymore.

"No, I just can feel the mucus building in the back of my throat and nose and I know that if I don't get any meds by tomorrow I'll be a full on booger business."

And there were times like that. When he said something completely boyish and immature and the faces and voices he used with his comments made her think how completely insane women were for falling for his act. "Sometimes I wonder how you charm the ladies."

And when he smiled brighten and said "nice teeth!," she realized it was that immature boyish charm that made the woman fall.

"Don't forget the hip thrusts!"

"Oh god, I couldn't ever forget those." He said with a bright smile. She was really liking the friendship they had now. It was playful and fun and he pissed her off more than anything but deep down there was a mutual appreciation and respect for each other.

They both knew it. Maybe he didn't know how much she appreciated his little touches, but that's besides the point.

They had reached the check out counter and she pulled her wallet out and opened it. "Oh shiznit."

He chuckled. "Cute. What?"

"I don't have any moola."

He grabbed the drink from her hand and placed it on the counter with his chips and Nyquil. "I got it."

"No, that's ok." She said, grabbing the drink and starting to turn.

He put his arm out so that she couldn't move and pried the bottle from her fingers. "It's a 80 cent drink, I think I can spare that much."

She watched him as he pulled out his wallet and placed a five on the counter. It wasn't usually her nature to be nosey but she couldn't help but notice that it was the only bill in his wallet, or so she could see. She felt guilty that he bought her drink form his. If someone had asked her, she would have pinned him for the type to have a lot of cash on him. But not everyone liked to do that, and some people...

God, she thought, I'm noticing way too much shit about him.

"Here, milady." She snatched the drink from him with a scoff and roll of her eyes. She needed to piss him off: fast. This whole worshipping thing he was making her do when he was nice to her was getting old.

"What'd I do?" He said in a cautious voice.

"You breathed." She stomped out of the gas station and to the van. She pulled her pillow and her small backpack from the backseat and mumbled to Rick that she was going on the bus. He didn't respond in any way, just kept staring at Sarah's engine.

She heard flip flopping of sandals and at first thought it were hers, but when the flip flopping doubled she knew she was being followed.

She was two seconds from turning around and hitting him with her pillow when the pillow was snatched from her and he ran off to the bus with it, growling, "And you call me the skitzo."

"HEY!" She yelled, running after him and finding it hard in her sandals. She gave up and realized there was no point at making a scene at 1 in the morning in a random gas station parking lot. James, the bus driver was chugging on a big cup of coffee when she stepped up the first step of the bus.

"Welcome to the bus, Miss Topsell. Don't mind the boys, they're...boys. Try not to trip over anything."

"Hey watch it James. I cleaned today." She glared at the voice that came from deeper in the bus as she took a swig from her Sunkist bottle. She could now hear the scratchiness in it and when he started coughing moments later, she kinda felt sorry for the guy.

"You think stuffing all that junk in the empty bunk is cleaning?" James asked with a chuckling laugh.

"Oh, shit."

"Oh, shit what?" She repeated.

"The empty bunk is so packed with crap, uh, uh..." He looked around a moment and then just waved his hand in the air. "Just take my bunk I'll sleep in the back."

Justin's bed. Her in it. No thanks, she thought. She had too much temptation on her as it was and being in his bed would be overdrive for her senses. "No, I'll sleep in the back."

"No really..." He smiled at her. "...I sleep better back there anyway, just take my bunk and -"

A mumbled groan came from behind them. "Ey, shut up, some people do like to sleep."

"Sorry Chris." She said.

A head popped out trough the curtains of one of the middle bunks and looked over Justin's shoulder straight to her. "Kristen?" He asked with squinted eyes and tousled hair.

"Hi." She meekly waved.

"What you doin? I didn't booty call ya."

She sighed and put her hand to her heart. "Sarah died."

"Oh poor Rick." Chris said, yawning.

"Yeah, so he's staying here with the van and I'm bummin a ride."

"Really now? Wanna hop up here in daddy's bunk?" he winked and it made her skin crawl. She liked Chris a lot, but his sexual jokes were something she couldn't handle; and now that she was getting to know the guys a lot better, they seemed to be more playful and joking with her.

She'd rather Justin say a sex joke to her.

The talk with herself would be a very very long one, in deed.

"eww, you're like my grandpa."

"Hey, I got viagra baby." He winked again.

"Ewwwww!" she covered her mouth and pretended to gag. But when Justin pulled on the shoulder straps of her backpack and pulled her back towards the bunks, towards him, all gagging stopped. She looked down at his hands. He had nice hands, nice large hands.

She was going crazy.

"Now that's a scary thought." Justin said in a smooth voice.

Chris scoffed out a comeback and disappeared behind the curtain of his bunk. "You're scary."

"Nice one dude. Go back to sleep."

"Fine. night kiddo." She felt a hand rubbing against her head, messing up her hair that was for once, pulled back in a ponytail.

She slapped Chris's hands away and mumbled out, "Night gramps."

"Come ere." Justin tugged on the straps, pulled the backpack off her. He slung back the curtain for the top bunk and pushed the bag back in the corner of it.

"Ugh, I have to climb." She pouted as Justin threw her pillow into the bunk.

"I'll hoist ya."

He put his hands on her hips and she felt his breath on her neck as he bent to push herself up. "Th-thanks." She climbed into the bunk, and threw her bottle of soda at the foot of the bunk. She immediately being swallowed in the smell of Justin. IT wasn't too strong, but very light. She struggled to pull the comforter around her and she felt a hand, those nice large hands, helping her out, pulling on the comforter and finally covering her body with it, up to her shoulders.

"Just make sure you don't roll out." He smiled and patted her stomach, her lower stomach. She knew he probably couldn't see how far her abdomen really went being in a cocoon and all, but if he had put his hand 3 inches lower....

"Oh great, I'm gonna die on your tour bus."

He rolled his eyes and then looked at her with those big deep blue eyes that she could just stare at...good god she was going insane! She didn't need a talk session with herself she needed damn therapy!! "hey hand me my pillow."

She smiled secretively and rolled over so he was facing her back. "No."

"Come on now, I gave you yours."

"But yours is all niceeee." She then rolled to her stomach and clutched their pillows together to her face. His bunk was comfortable and warm and even though she was never a touch-feely person, the urge to snuggle washed over her.

"So is yours, please Kristen, I'm tired and I'm about to knock out some Nyquil so I can go to sleep."

When she turned and saw him there with droopy eyes she gave up and let him pull the pillow out from under her. "Fine."

"Thank you." She huffed a little and relaxed and then closed her eyes.

Moments later she heard a chuckle and then, "comfy?"

Her eyes opened and she smiled at him. He was crossing his arms on the edge and leaning into her, well his, bunk and biting his lip a little. "yes thank ya."

"alright now go to bed and don't cause a fuss."

She saluted him. "Yes sir."

His voice turned into the annoying baby one that he often used when trying to be silly. She use to think it was very annoying. Now, she didn't know what to think. "you need a lullaby or a story?"

"No she doesn't. GO TO SLEEP." Chris yelled from his bunk.

"Someone's pmsing." Kristen said quietly.

"Hehe, night KT."

"Night JT," she said as he closed off the bunk with the curtain.

About 2 minutes later, she peeped through the curtain and saw him standing a few feet away in the back room with his pillow under one arm and the small plastic top of Nyquil in the other. He had taken off his pull over and was standing there in sweats and a wife beater.

Good enough to eat.

Minus the talk, minus the therapy, bring on the straight-jacket.

"H-ey Justin?"

"hmm?" He said, knocking back the Nyquil with a painful gulp.

"Thanks." She smiled and he coughed a little.

He cleared his throat and screwed the top back on the Nyquil, then set it down somewhere. "Don't mention it."

She snuck back in the bunk, but contorted herself so that she could see through the crack in the curtain to the back room. He placed his pillow on the couch and then started to lay down.

And then he stopped, and stared directly at her. She thought maybe he had caught her spying on him, but then he just got up a bit, reached over and slung the curtain shut.

"Damn..." She breathed.

It was too late, not even the straight-jacket would work now.

She was a lost cause.

-------

The looks she was giving him were messing up his brain.

This was little Kristen. Cute little skater chick that, as everyone says, was not his type, never would be.

"I've got to be on the rebound or something," he thought.

The back of the bus was dark now that he flicked off the light. He wish he were in his bed. The back couch was pretty comfortable, but for some reason, he couldn't sleep there. He couldn't get himself positioned right, and even the Nyquil didn't seem to work.

It was obvious she had a crush on him. Maybe he was being too cocky, maybe his women-radar had been damaged with the break up. All he knew, was he was getting weird signals from Kristen.

And the strangest thing about it was, he kinda liked it.

Oh, plenty of women had thrown themselves at him since they found out about the break up. The night before the tour some girl that knew some guy that knew some friend of his called him up and bluntly said. "I'll let you fuck me anyway you want, Justin. That's how much I want you."

And he had had the more subtle motions, too, like women in clubs talking with him, or dancing. Some of the tour girls had offered back-rubs (much more than they use to), told him they should go out and get lunch some time, and other things.

He tried not to let it go to his head, having all these women approach him and stuff, but he couldn't help it. It was like they all wanted a piece of him.

And then there was Kristen. Loud-mouth, hot-tempered Kristen, who had lately been kinda shy in her own "Don't touch me or I'll cut off your dick" kind of way." Maybe he just was reading into her actions as a crush.

But she smiled a lot more at him now, and giggled a lot more around him. Maybe it was just some weird stage.

Oh, she blushed more, too.

And found excuses to touch him, like hitting him in the stomach or shoulder.

She use to never do that.

But dammit! She wasn't his type. She listened to music he usually didn't. She wore these god-awful clothes that swallowed her whole and hid her figure. She never did anything to her hair, it was always flat and just hanging there. The only thing he had ever seen her put on her face was chap-stick and a Chiquita banana sticker that she wore on her forehead for about 5 hours one day.

She was everything he had never looked for in a girl.

And it made him want to crawl up in his bunk and say hi to her and hold her and fall asleep. And maybe sneak a kiss or two.

"I must stop flirting," He decided. "Tomorrow."

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep then, but he couldn't stop thinking about that damn Chiquita banana sticker. For some strange reason he started craving his aunt Ellen's homemade banana pudding.

The night just went downhill from there...

He woke up the next morning with a yell of his name from Chris. "Hey dude, get up! We're gonna be at the hotel in 30."

A groan and then a grunt later, he managed to push himself up on his arms off the couch and then his arms gave out and he fell back onto his pillow. The nyquil didn't work as well as he hoped because when he tried to breathe in through his nose, he couldn't; and then why he tried to breathe out through his nose, and maybe clear his nostrils some, all that happened was this weird, high-pitched whistle sound.

"Great." He mumbled. He had a sinus infection. Of course if would happen. That meant all day he would be doped up to Mars and back with hot tea being IVed into his body and people moving around him frantic because if his voice gave out then he wouldn't be able to sing and then the show would be canceled and all hell would be unleashed.

His mouth was already a little dry from having to breathe in and out through it. He licked his lips, coughed, rolled himself into a sitting position and then tipped back over laying down on the couch. "Ain' no way I'm gettin' up," he said in that same mumbling voice.

So he closed his eyes and laid there for a few minutes trying not to think about anything but breathing.

Moments later, right when every part of him became relaxed, there was a soft knock.

"Whut!?" He groaned

He heard the rings holding up the curtain, slide across the bar and when he opened one eye he saw a pair of familiar huge jeans and a tank top. He tried not to be perverted but immediately could tell she wasn't wearing a bra.

A smile came to his face.

"Ok, pick a mood because being a grump means you cannot smile. So either you smile and be happy or you wipe that grin off your face and stay grumpy."

He flipped over and sighed. His body stretched and yawned and he reached his hands out to her. "Come here sexy."

"Excuse me?"

He didn't know what he was doing when he reached for her and pulled her down so she was sitting beside his laying body. He started to rub her back a little and even when she gave him a strange look he didn't stop. "You're pretty in the mornings."

"How much nyquil did you take?"

So it was a little strange for him to be saying this stuff to him. And he really didn't know what it was in him that was causing him to act this way. Sure he hadn't flirted like this in a while and he knew she was crushing on him so he felt he had the right- oh shit, he thought.

Just the night before he was talking about he was going to stop flirting. His hand moved off her back and he pulled away from her a little.

"What?"

He didn't say anything.

"You must have woken up since you are pulling away and shit. See its just little ole me. Not Halle berry, not Janet Jackson, not Hillary Clinton."

He's eyes cut to her sharply. "Hillary?"

A little smirk appeared on her face. "Oh don't deny Justin, I know you like her. I saw the picture you had of her in your bunk."

After staring at her for a few seconds he laughed in a confused manner and said in the loudest voice he had used all day, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, I just came back here to wake you up because Chris said you were grumpy as fuck in the mornings and he didn't wanna get bitch slapped. I figured if you slapped me, you'd-"

He interrupted her, this time his voice a little scratchier. "I know I know. I'd loose a testicle." He cleared his throat.

"Good boy. You learn fast."

Trying to give himself the satisfaction of touching her but not coming off in too much of a flirtatious manner he patted her back and smiled. "But I was serious. You do look nice. With your hair pulled back and stuff."

"Justin I have a pillow indention on my forehead."

"I don't see it." He yawned.

She stood up and stretched. "Anyway...you're up now. I've done my job, thank god I'll be able to get out of here in a few."

His eyes immediately traveled to the pale portion of her belly that was exposed when she raised her arms above her head and stretched. He noticed her nipples pressing against pale pink tank top. He bit his lip, looked away and scolded himself. This was Kristen, she was like his annoying little sister. He should not be noticing nipples.

He coughed a little. "What's wrong with our bus?"

"nothing, I'm just ready to stop moving." She smiled and turned to leave, but he didn't want her to. He liked when she was around.

And then it hit him. Maybe she wasn't the one with the crush. Maybe he was. But he pushed that thought out of the way immediately. He was just lonely and on the rebound. It wasn't a crush. He couldn't like her because she was Kristen, punk-chick that was totally not his type in any way.

But he still wanted her around. So he asked as she was just about to leave, "Did you sleep well last night? I mean, was the bunk comfortable at all?"

She lean against the door frame and sighed. "Very well actually. And surprisingly..." She paused. "...it smelled very good."

He smiled to himself arrogantly and stretched. "You're saying I smell good."

"No I was just surprised, I thought it would smell like sweat or something equally as disgusting."

"You're still saying I smell good."

"you'll never know." And with that she left him alone again, with only his confusing thoughts echoing in his brain.

-----

that afternoon

"Here...hold this."

She held on to the heavy object and looked down to have her eyes meet two very wide brown ones. "w- what?!"

She looked up frantically at Steve and then back down to the little girl that had been placed in her arms. "No Steve, I'm not a baby-sitter."

"Just hold her for a second, I'll be back in 5 minutes tops. Thanks!" With that he left, vanishing from her sight with her still sputtering and the little girl still staring up at her in amazement.

A minute later she shouted "I'm NOT a BABYSITTER!"

The baby girl started to giggle at her.

"It's not funny." She sighed and blew the few strands that had fallen in her face up in the air. She looked down at the little girl that had brown curly hair, beautiful big eyes, and chubby cheeks. "Who are you anyway?"

A voice startled her in the doorway and she looked up, trying to hide her smile when her eyes saw the voice's owner. "Justin Timberlake, pop star king, national sex symbol, the king of all things sexy."

"Don't you mean: Justin Timberlake, psycho." She giggled but it stopped when the baby started pulling painfully on her hair.

"Aww, Hey Bri." Justin said calmly.

Kristen looked up at him while trying to pry her hair a way from the little girls chubby fingers. "You know this thing?"

"Yes." He plopped down beside Kristen on the couch in the toy room and yawned. She watched the girls big eyes shift to Justin and the curious look on her face faded into a smile. "And she's not a thing, she's Joey's daughter."

She groaned and shifted the girl that was laying awkwardly in her arms. "Well then why isn't she with Joey. I'm not a damn baby-sitter Justin. I'm the toy...person. I have things I need to do."

"like what? It seems as if all the toys have been delivered. Nice job by the way." Justin said looking around with a smirk at the room that had every toy in perfect place.

"Well, I have e to go do something for Rick." She lied.

"really? What?"

She gave him a secretive look out of the corner of her eye and smiled at him, trying not to flirt too much. "It's confidential."

Justin leaned in a bit and she wondered if she had pushed the bar too far and really had flirted. His hand went behind the back of the couch near her and he got a devilish look in his eyes. "I just saw Rick, He was smoking out in the back lot and talking to me about maybe taking the afternoon off after the Sarah fiasco. He told me to come bother you and tell you to do the same."

"Well, screw that. I have to baby-sit now."

He ruffled her hair a bit and if she hadn't had a baby in her arms she would have smacked him to Japan. "Oh get over it. How did she get in here with you anyway."

"Steve just came in here and threw her on me and said he'd be back in 5."

He sighed impatiently and pried Brianna from her arms. "Then chill. Give her here if you are allergic or something."

Kristen felt a world of weight lift off of her when Justin took Joey's baby. She had never been very good with children; they made her nervous and tended to irritate her. Other things were getting on her nerves as well, like: "Why isn't Joey with her?"

"He wanted some alone time with Kelly," he said to her after a moment of playing some peek-a-boo game with Brianna. It was sickenly cute and made her get a little tingle in her stomach that she wished would go away. After sleeping in his bed the night before, being surrounded in his little habitat, she came to terms with her feelings; or on the other hand, discovered she had feelings for Justin, romantic feelings. She knew after she started picturing him crawling into bed with her and holding her and kissing her and telling her how beautiful she was she had dove into a endless pit that was gonna suffocate her. The charm that she had sworn was not gonna get to her, had got to her.

But it hurt, and she now understood the inclinations of a "crush." He was Justin Timberlake, and besides being someone who could have anyone he wanted, he was a flirt. The charm he had thrown her way meant nothing more to him than an empty bottle of Sunkist to her.

At least now that she had found out her feelings she could work on getting over them.

"So he picks his wife over his baby daughter." Her eyes cut to his sharply and he pulled back a little, even though there were a good 2 feet in-between them.

"Someone's pmsing."

"Not at all, I just got over my period."

He made a gagging noise that Brianna seemed to start mimicking. "Too much info."

"I just don't like it when people drop their babies on other people. He had a daughter, now he should take the damn responsibility. She sighed, feeling her nerves start to fray on her. She was getting ready to punch something.

"Are you ok?"

She took a deep breath and sunk into a chair opposite of the couch where Justin was. Her fingers found her temples and she began to rub them. "Yeah."

"Oh yeah, did you hear about Sarah?"

"No." She groaned. All she wanted now was peace and quiet. A nap was what she needed.

"She's been buried. You're getting a new van, but for some reason it' not gonna be here until Wednesday or something."

She started to smile when Brianna got a hold of Justin's ear and started pulling on it. He made a face which if she wasn't careful was gonna make her giggle. But she was careful and contained herself. "Why don't they just go by one at a dealership?"

"That's what I'm saying, but it has to be specially checked or something."

"Ohhhh kay." Her voice gave off a "whatever" attitude and her body slouched down further in the chair; basically, only the back of her head was resting against the back cushion.

He started to stare at her and it bothered her. She tried to play with her hair, then realized she looked like a ditz, so moved to her nails, realized she looked like the queen ditz and was about to scream at him for staring at her when he spoke. "Hey, come over here, get close to sexy Justin, you look like your miserable and it's bothering me."

Her face scrunched up in mock disgust. "You scare me. Please don't molest me."

"Not with a baby present. Maybe later." He winked at her. Her heart fluttered. She mentally stoned herself.

"Ya know Justin you really need to get laid."

His eyebrows rose and a sparkling smile seemed to light up the room like a discoball. "Are you offering?"

She deadpanned, "Oh yeah baby, I'll get naked and we will go at it right now ."

"YES! Let me just put Brianna down."

"You are insane. I was being sarcastic."

He readjusted Brianna so that she was sitting in his lap, facing Kristen. "I wasn't." He winked. So now his little flirtatious movements were kinda cheesy, but in all honesty she didn't mind. He still looked cute.

IT was sad really. The old Kristen that she knew and love had been killed by the terrible teeny disease. She decided then and there that her life long goal was to find a cure for the teenicitis.

"Ok, stop, this flirting isn't attractive, its scary."

"Sorry, Ill stop."

"good."

It was a still for a while, awkward, and very quiet besides Brianna's random gurgles.

Then out of no where he turned to her and sputtered out, "You wanna go to a club tonight after the show with me and some of the guys."

"Hell no."

"Please it'll be fun! You don't have to dance or anything." He begged.

"Yes I do. All of you will be dancing and I'll be left in the corner with the 30 year old men with too much cologne and gold jewelry that are trying to pick up on the barely legal girls by offering to buy them drinks. Plus you're sick."

He chuckled and waved his hand at her, giving her a "come-on" look. "No I'm not! I feel 75% better. And the clubs we go to are high-class clubs."

"Gentlemen's clubs?"

"Sometimes."

She sat up like a Doberman that heard a creak. "are you serious!?"

"I'm a 21 year old guy, what do you think?"

Her nose curled up at the thought of him at a strip club. Somewhere deep inside her turned a little, and she felt jealous. "That's gross though."

"You wanna go to Chippendales probably."

"Actually I don't. I think men on steroids with a thong on and a bow tie, fake tan and a big dick being thrusted in your face isn't that attractive."

His large hands covered Brianna's ears and she started moving her head around trying to figure out what was going on. "Shh, bri, don't listen."

"I'm just telling the truth."

"If it was me on stage with the thong and the thrusting you'd be swooning."

She clutched her stomach and gagged. "Oh my god, where is a toilet I need to barf."

"You mean." He pouted.

"I'm honest."

"Whatever, so are you coming or not."

She sighed and shrugged, leaning back on the chair "I guess, I don't have anything else to do."

"YAY! I'm gonna have Keshia to do your hair and makeup! And she can dress you!!"

Her eyes widened and she did her hands in the same motion an umpire would signal that a batter was safe. "NO! I'm NOT getting dressed-up."

In a sugary-fake voice he said, "Sure. Oh look it's Joey." Joey walked in and picked up Brianna who had her arms out to him and was smiling greatly.

HE hoisted her on his shoulder, keeping a hand on her back. "Hey, thanks, Steve said he dropped her on you, sorry about that. And don't get too close to her Justin, you're sick." He said to the girl and kissed her head. "Hey babygirl."

"See, Joey's a great dad. Brianna just loves him." Justin said to Kristen. She gave him a look like "I cant believe you just said that" thinking now Joey was gonna know she was talking about him. She pushed herself off the chair, rolled her eyes and made a move to leave the room.

"I'm going to go find something do to." She walked out of the room and into the hallway. She knew he was gonna come after her. In their month of knowing each other she had tendencies to leave the room abruptly, and almost every time he'd come after her.

Sure enough, he's hand caught her arm. "Hey, KT, what's wrong girl?" She stopped and he came beside her, his hand still on her arm.

"Nothing."

"Sure?"

She nodded and shrugged off his hand a little violently. Her emotions were high from being around Brianna and having mixed feelings about Joey's actions. "Yeah, Ill see ya later." She walked away from him, hoping that the headache she could feel coming on, would die down. Even though she would never admit it, she was looking forward to going out with him that night. So it wasn't really a date, but he asked her, and it kinda felt like one with the way he was looking at her.

"He's just a flirt" she said to herself. But it didn't work, she still was looking forward to going to a noisy club and sitting by herself and watching him "get his freak on" with some ditzy blonde.

"Hey wait up!"

"What do you want Justin?" As soon as she snapped at him she felt guilty.

He put his hands up in defense and approached her, from where she had stopped. He put his hands on her shoulders and dipped down to look her in the eyes. "Chill out. And if I don't see ya before the show, I'll see ya at the club."

"Whatever." She tried to shrug his hands off too, but before she knew it they had travel down her back and wrapped around her.

"Bye Sexy." He whispered with a slight mischievous.

It wasn't until his hands let her go and his body turned to leave that she realized he had just given her a body-to-body, squeezing, perfect hug.

She shook her head, groaned to herself, turned on her heel and was on a mission. A mission to get herself a ice cold shower.

This was hell and Justin was the devil. Keisha was satanic, the car they rode in was a torture chamber and the makeup and tools she had used on her and the clothes she had put her in were torture devices. She didn’t remember when she died or what she had done so bad to deserve to be in hell, but here she was.

It was bad.

She had been poked in the eye; some weird thing that plucked half her eyelashes out had been used on her. Nasty tasting lipstick was still on her tongue. At least Keisha had used a powder on her face instead of a liquid, like she was going to. The liquid stuff looked horrible.

After Keisha had worked her magic and turned her around to look in the mirror, she didn’t recognize herself. Her eyes were more defined, her face actually had color, and she looked totally different. She admitted that she looked rather pretty, but it wasn’t real. It was fake. She looked like a Britney Spears wannabe. Her hair had been teased and curled and burnt and singed and now it was puled back from her face. It was wavy with a few sparkly clips in it.

And she wasn’t going to get started on her outfit. First of all, she was in a skirt. Skirts were bad: worse than bad. Besides the skirt that was black and hugged her, made it hard to walk, and had fringe on the end that kept brushing against her knees and itching her a little; she had on horrible boots. They were these black things with spiked heels and everytime she walked she felt like she was going to fall down because her center of gravity was off.

Lastly, there was the top. They had fought over what she was going to wear. Keisha wanted her in a backless top, she said no. Keisha wanted her in a sequiny top, she said no. Keisha wanted her in a tube top, she said no. They finally compromised on a blue tank that dipped down a bit in the front to show of some cleavage. That was another thing. Keisha had forced her into a "water-bra." Her small but sufficient breast were now huge.

She felt like Skipper, Barbie's bitch.

She walked about the same as Skipper with the floss that was stuck up her ass. She wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, but she was in a thong, and it was a thong that she owned. When she had turned in the mirror her panty lines looked like landing strips on her ass, and since she had totally transformed herself into everything she wasn’t, she thought, why the hell not.

The club was unlike any other club she had been to. Of course the only clubs she had been to were punk clubs where there was a stage, a mosh pit, a sea of standing people, and at the nice ones, a bar. This place had neat lighting, couches and chairs and smoke machines, and all sorts of other interesting things.

For example, the music.

Ok, so the music was horrible, therefore she figured it could be put in the interesting column. Keisha yelled something over her shoulder that Kristen couldn’t hear at all. She usually didn’t complain about loud music, but this was bad music, so she complained silently to herself.

"What?!" She yelled back.

But by then they had gotten to this little roped off section that had a sign much like they had at restaurants that said "Please wait to be seated," but this one had the letters, "VIP" on them.

Her eyes rolled.

There was a huge white guy standing by the sign with an ear piece, mouth piece and walkie talkie. Keisha was talking to the man and he said something into the walkie-talkie, waited, nodded and then unclipped the roped off section and let them through.

She needed Rick.

Rick would buy her screwdriver or a thing of peppermint snopps and soon she'd be having fun. Maybe Keisha would buy her a drink.

She was glad that Keisha was able to show her tour pass to the bouncer at the entrance and get them through without being carded or anything.

"We're here!" Keisha finally exclaimed sitting down on a red contemporary styled couch. Kristen sat down beside her.

"Now what?"

"What do you mean now what? We dance, we drink, we party. Lance!!!"

Kristen looked up and tried not to laugh. She had heard from Justin that Lance was a partier, but she didn’t belive it. There he was, drink in hand, face red as a apple. "Keish!!!" He said in a slur, bending down to hug her.

Kristen laughed as his drink tilted with him and spilled a little on the floor. He didn’t noticed so she figured he didn’t really need to know.

"Who's yo friend?" Lance asked, plopping down on the other side of Kristen and putting his arm across her shoulders.

"Dude, you don’t recognize me?" Kristen asked.

"Whaa?!"

"It's Kristen, dumbass."

"Hooleee Shiitttt." He said, getting close to her, laughing outloud and letting his southern accent drawl out. "What happen' to ya? Ya HOT!"

Kristen cut her eyes to him. She didn’t realize this transformation was such a big deal. Keisha flipped out, Lance flipped out, Rick would flip out. She couldn’t help but wonder what Justin would do. But it all kinda pissed her off. Was she that horrendous in her normal style. She didn’t know what was so bad about it. Yeah so it wasn’t a midriff and cling wrap jeans but she liked it and was comfortable in it. "I always look hot Lance!!!"

"No, not like dis. Damn, has Rack seen ya."

"Nope."

"He's over yonder wit C, go show 'em." He waved his hand in some direction and then let it plop down on the couch like a dead weight. Yes, Lance was very drunk.

Kristen sighed and figured finding Rick would be a good idea. "Kay. Later kids." She pushed herself off the couch, walked over to where Lance waved, almost tripped in her boots during the process, and finally got to the table where a massive group of people were sitting and laughing and drinking.

It took her a minute but finally she pried herself through the wall of people and stood there staring at Rick with a smirk. Not many people noticed her at first. She got a few weird glances, but she didn’t care. She kept staring at Rick, waiting for him to notice her. Finally, his eyes lifted her hers.

She could tell instantly he was a little taken back. He even squinted his eyes. And then suddenly, his eyes popped wide and in a slow loud voice he said, "What tha fuck?"

"Like, oh my GOD Rick, what is up!?" She twirled her hair, rolled her eyes around and opened her mouth a little.

"What happened?" He asked almost painfully. Now everyone was staring at her.

She deadpanned, "Keisha got a hold of me."

"Poor thing." He sighed and looked her up and down, blowing out the smoke from his cigarette very slowly. "You look hot though."

It seemed to register on everyone else's mind that was there from the tour that she was just little old Kristen. "Oh my gods," "Wows," "You look great," and even some "Awes" echoed through her ears. She couldn’t help but feel small and let her cheeks flood with red color. It was like being at a family reunion and having all your great aunts pinch your cheeks.

Her mind started wondering about people's views of her. Was she that ugly before? Was her style that bad? Was she in a desperate need of this makeover?! She scolded herself immediately and made a mental note to look up concert dates to some punk band fast. Too bad Cake's tour had just ended.

Her gray eyes cut to Rick's and she pleaded for some escape. After taking a long drag form his cigarette, he stood up and made his away around to her. His arm went cross her shoulders and she relaxed immediately. "Alright yall, I'm taking this lady around the place. Be back."

Different yelled good-byes were sounded and when Rick reached back to get something she saw a flock of girls that were around, battle for the empty seat that Rick had left; it was of course right beside JC. She felt sorry for the guys. Girls always gawking at them and crowding them. For some reason she thought of Justin and wondered where he was.

"Here. You look like you could use this." He handed her a shot of clear liquid. She gulped it down and coughed: vodka. She wasn’t sure if that was good or not. Vodka got her drunk quicker than anything else it seemed, but it didn’t go well with her stomach.

"Thanks." She set the empty glass on the ledge of the railing, probably not the smartest things to do, but she didn’t care. "Where we goin'?"

"To the bar, gonna loosen' you up a little."

A sarcastic laugh escaped her mouth. "Thanks. Do I look that uncomfortable?"

"Yes, but only because I know ya that well." He nudged her with a sly smile.

They walked out of the VIP area and towards the bar, passing the dance floor on the way. Kristen couldn’t help but look out in the crowd for Justin. She wanted to pitch a fit for her actions. She was being a 12-year-old in love with the high school football star. It wasn’t cool at all. And it totally wasn’t like her.

She sighed, turned away from the dance floor and walked behind Rick but soon she heard a familiar voice.

"Dude, where's lil Kissy?" She stopped, smiled and watched his gaze float down to her. He smiled genuinely and then licked his lips, visibly checking her out. "Well, hey there."

"Hey!" She said excitedly. Obviously he was excited about her transformation. He kept looking at her, staring, not moving his glance at all. She smiled back at him but moved her eyes nervously over to Rick.

"Hey bro, lemme take dis nice lady fer adance." He said with a little slur.

"Sure, I'll have your drink with me back over there." He nodded to the VIP section and smiled at her, turning and leaving her alone with Justin.

"So what's your name?" He said in a cheesy pick up line tone, winking at her.

"Oh pulease, Justin."

"Oh pulease? That's a goooood name." He laughed a bit and his hand slid down her back to the very lowest portion of it. If she weren't so fuckin' enamored with him she would have punched him. But she, of course, had to have a little crush, so instead of feeling violated she felt excited and special.

But then her nervousness came on full force when she realized she would have to dance with him. She didn’t know how to dance to hip-hop-pop-techno remixes. He was going to show her up and make her look like a fool. All she wanted to do was impress him for some weird reason, and she wasn't gonna do that by dancing.

He pulled her into him and started grinding his hips with hers. She really didn’t know what to do so just moved her body with his, grinding back into him. She had never dirty danced with a guy before, and didn’t really know how, or how far she was to go, or anything. He took her arms and wrapped them around his neck and started mouthing the words to the song that was being played. She had never heard it.

"God girl, you are so fuckin' hot." He said loudly, leaning forward so she could hear over the insanely loud music.

"R-really?" She stuttered. He thought she looked good. Her heart fluttered.

"Hell yes, after this dance you're coming with me." He growled and changed his dance pattern. One of his knees bent in-between hers and he started grinding into her left hip. His hands seared into her back and she didn’t know what to make of all this intimate dancing.

The female part of her started to go into overdrive. A tingle started to tickle her deep in her stomach and soon, she was staring at his lips, so close to hers, just praying, wishing, that maybe he'd kiss her. Her hopes were so high at this point she wasn’t thinking clearly at all. The thoughts of him being a flirt weren't anywhere near her. The thought of this just being a dance had vanished. There was no one else around but him, they were the only ones there in her mind. He looked too good to be true, felt that way, and she couldn’t grasp that concept at all. She was in a fantasy world where they were together and he was madly in love with her and they were having the best time of their lives.

She was gone, straight off the deep end.

It was more than a crush.

She would have rode it off as just being obsessive, of some strange voodoo power he had over girls, like she had every other occurrence she had had with him. But not this time.

He wouldn’t be dancing with her if he hadn't liked her, he wouldn’t have invited her here if he didn’t like her, and he wouldn’t have started spending time with her and given up his bed to her and flirted with her and talked to her. He liked her back.

She just knew he did. He was proving it right then.

"Come on." He said, his hot breath tickling her ear.

His hand grasped hers and she followed him obediently. She reveled at the feel and size of his hands. Mush was what she had become. Total mush.

If she wasn’t brainwashed she would have been very disappointed in herself.

Soon she found herself, plopped on the couch she started out on with Lance and Keisha, being practically sat on top of by him. Justin was close to her, arm around her shoulders, whispering stuff, half of which she didn’t understand. When his hand was placed on her thigh she gasped and he chuckled deeply growling some provocative phrase about him not biting.

His lips grazed over her ear.

Goosebumps arose on her skin partly because it felt good and was a very light touch, but mostly because it conferred the fact that he liked her back.

And then her fantasy was elevated. It was a fairy tale, she was sure of it.

He kissed her cheek and then whispered huskily, "May I kiss you?"

She gulped and turned to face him. He was so close to her, his lips moist and parted, his eyes heavy and lustily looking at her mouth. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip that still tasted like that horrible lip stick.

But she didn’t care about the damn lipstick. She took in a heavy breath and nodded slowly.

With a second passed his lips came in contact with hers and her whole body relaxed into the couch. His hand that had been on her thigh held her neck and jaw still so she wouldn’t move. His lips did things she didn’t think possible, and then he pulled back a little. She moved with him afraid of what the end of the kiss would mean. But he wasn’t ready to stop. His tongue surged forward and she moaned against his mouth. Now it was her turn to grip a hold of his thigh.

She needed some stability. Her mind was dizzy and she was getting woozy from his kiss. She was sure one shot of vodka hadn't had that much affect on her.

It was all Justin.

He pulled away slowly, smiling to himself and licking his lips afterward. He cleared his throat a little and she finally opened her eyes. "So tell me what your name is?"

She giggled a little. "You're so silly Justin."

"No really." He smiled, playing with her hair, his other hand back on her thigh.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, seeing her lipstick color a little on his lips. "Uh, Katie?"

He began touching her neck a little. "Katie, eh?"

It tickled and she bent her head to her shoulder to get him to stop. It was a shy gesture that she was totally not in control of. She wasn’t in control of any body movements that night. "Remember, you call me KT, I call you JT. It's how we work."

"W- wait. What?"

She looked at him and he was giving her a blank look. Mouth open a little, eyes staring hard. "Who would have thought me and you, eh?" She laughed and looked down in her lap shyly.

After a moment his voice cracked and yelled out over the music. "Kr-kr-KRISTEN!?"

She looked up at him strangely. "What?"

"I…" He started and then took both his hands and rubbed his face in them.

She stared at him long, trying to figure out what was going on.

And then, right then, when his hands dropped to his lap and he slouched down on the couch, closing his eyes, she was met with harsh, cold reality.

Her fantasy fairy tale was ripped away and the wind was knocked out of her with one short statement.

He sighed and said in low voice, "I didn’t know it was you."

"You what?!"

The words echoed in his ears, his head throbbed and he desperately wished he was back that the hotel asleep. He was drunk, yes, but he still had that cold; and now she hated him. He honestly had no idea who she was. If he had known he wouldn’t have taken advantage of her like that. He wouldn’t have pushed that far. He definitely wouldn’t have kissed her. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he had more class than that. He wouldn’t have molested her on the dance floor and then kissed her in front of the world.

God, he thought. I'm a slut.

It registered in his brain that he had just kissed someone he thought he didn’t know. What class did he have? He had picked the first hot girl he had seen and taken her to the dance floor, practically humped her and then forced himself on her on the couch.

Of course she knew who he was and he had asked her if he could kiss her.

It was official knowledge now. She had a crush on him. Moments before flashed in his head and he realized how hurt she must have been by his words. His head hurt badly. It was thinking too much. Too many questions were floating around. Why did he kiss someone he thought he didn’t know? What made him get that bold? Was he over Britney? What was she doing right now? Did Kristen hate him? Did he like Kristen? How the hell did she get that hot?

"HELLO!"

He was startled by her voice and jerked his head up. "S- sorry."

He felt her eyes on him. Soon she scoffed and looked away from him mumbling, "God Justin. You're such an…"

"A what?"

Her head whipped around. If she weren't so angry with him he would have smiled. She really did look beautiful. "An asshole!"

Justin shook his head and looked down at his hands in his lap. He wished he could have rewound to five minutes ago. He would have given anything. He would have been able to stop all this mess from happening. "I didn’t mean to hurt you Kristen."

He looked up at her and could tell right off the bat that she was more angry at him than someone had been with him in a long time. Her voice bit into his ears and he really wished he could have been in bed where it was quiet. "You didn’t hurt me. Believe me that wasn’t really all that great anyway. I cant believe you didn’t know who I was. God do you usually just make out with girls you don’t even know. That's gross Justin, God knows what else you do."

Great. Now she thought he was a bad person. This night was going downhill fast. He needed an escape. With a rub of his eyes and a sigh, he groaned, "I think I'm gonna go back to the hotel."

"Is that all you have to say to me?!"

"Well what do you want me to say?" He had snapped and she drew back a little from him. His night was getting worse by the moment and she was getting more pissed by the moment.

"An apology would be nice. God you don’t know how fuckin' shitty I feel right now!"

Of course she would only think of herself. He was the one who had fucked up. He was the one that was drunk. He was the one with the cold. He had grown up around a woman, she was his best friend, but even his mother hadn't prepared him for everything and there were somethings about women he just didn’t understand at all. He was the one that should be embarrassed and upset. He reminded himself that Kristen had a crush and was a defensive kind of person so tried to take it all in stride. "I feel kinda shitty myself."

"Go fuck yourself. I'll save you the trouble and I'll be the one to leave. Thanks for inviting me, its been fuckin' great." He could see that she was a few seconds from slapping him. But good thing for him she stood up and stalked off, stumbling a little with her boots.

He watched her disappear into a crowd. He stared at the crowd for a moment and then leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "Shit."

He had one minute of rest before he heard a gravely voice. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I don’t know," he said with his blue eyes still closed.

"It looked like you were fuckin' making out with her."

He opened his eyes and saw Rick standing before him, arms across his chest, staring down at Justin. Worse and worse the night went. "Listen Rick if you wanna give me the big brother speech save it for later. I already feel pretty horrible about everything, ok?"

Rick seemed to have some sympathy for Justin and it showed when his arms fell to his sides and he said in a more worried tone, "Dude just, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing. I didn’t know it was her."

"You didn’t?"

Justin sat up and pointed over to where she was now standing, her back to them, gulping down some drink. "Look at her. She's…hot."

"Who'd you think it was?"

He suddenly felt nauseous. He was normally a beer drinker but that night he had drank more hard liquor, a lot more. He knew he might be spending his night staring down a toilet. "I dunno."

"You don’t look so good."

"Thanks." He said sarcastically

Rick looked over to where Kristen had another drink in her hand. "I'm taking her back before she gets smashed. See ya"

He started to walk away, but Justin called out to him. "Tell her I'm sorry, I'm just…pretty drunk…and stupid.

"Yeah…"

Justin watched Rick walk over to Kristen, watched him say something to her, watched her yell at him and then watched him drag her by the arm. Obviously he said something threatening to her because she rolled her eyes at him and stomped off to the exit with him following her.

As she walked passed Justin she didn’t look at him at all. Justin stared at her, though. She looked angry and confident and sure of her self and, to be honest, sexy as hell. Justin licked his lips and could taste her. He could feel her tongue sliding against his. He could hear her moaning. Most of all he could feel her hand gripping his thigh.

He looked down.

"Oh this is just perfect."

He groaned and realized he was getting a hard on. So now Kristen had managed to embarrass him, cuss him out, make him feel like shit, give him an amazing kiss, and then caused him to get hard.

All he needed was a call from Britney, and then his night would totally be from hell.

-----------

She had never been a smoker. That's not to say she had never smoked before, she had, maybe 9 times. This was time number 10. It was cool outside her small balcony. The moon and stars were out and the bitter smell of smoke surrounded her.

She inhaled.

She exhaled.

A stream of smoke blew out her mouth and she flicked the cigarette that was in her fingers in between the rungs of the railing.

Life sucked for her right then.

Not even the couple cigs she had bummed off Rick were making her feel better. What did she expect? She had made a complete, utter, unmistakable fool out of herself that night.

"Dammit." She muttered and then thought, "I should have known he wouldn’t like me. I should have known."

She had always gotten her hopes up, and they always seemed to crash down in her face. Her life until this point had been very boring, events had happened, but they weren't worth repeating or talking about in her mind. She had developed a minuscule crush, started to have some feelings and in the end she got "crushed," hence the name.

It was pathetic; she was pathetic.

"Maybe I just need to get laid." She chuckled. No, last time that happened it had blew up in her face. She didn’t like thinking about things like that. A pro, she could be called, at pushing back the pain and laying on a thick bitchy attitude to hide the reality. It was funny to think how everyone called her miss innocent, lil Kristen. If only they knew.

But to hell with the past was her motto. And now Justin was in her past, just like every other thing in her life at this point. She would finish this gig with Rick, then move back up to Michigan and try to find a job at a punk club or record store.

How would she pay for rent? Food? Clothes? More importantly: concerts?

Life definitely sucked.

She heard mumbling from above her and looked up at the bottom of the balcony above her. With a deep inhale of her cigarette she stood up from where she had been sitting up against the stucco wall and then dropped the cig to the ground, letting her Sketchers smear the cement with ashes.

She had two cigarettes left. She planned to finish them all off so by tomorrow she might have a dry throat and people would give her sympathy thinking she was sick. Maybe Justin would feel bad, thinking he had given…"Stop it," She thought.

She needed to get over him fast.

So she went inside, searched for her portable CD player and her Cake CDs and went back outside to sit on the cement balcony, listen to her music, smoke a little and completely clear her head of everything in her past, the Justin Timberlake crush included.

--------

Of course. Absolutely. Definitely.

Now that his night was ruined, why not just ruin it anymore. He said before that a call from her would be the topper, and sure enough, as soon as he was walking into his room his little cell phone had to start ringing. It was her. Instead of being smart and not answering or cutting his phone off, or even blocking her number, he flipped it open and sighed out a "Hey Bee."

They had chit chatted for a while about what they had been up to. And it was when he slid the g lass door of his balcony open and inhaled the night air when she laughed slightly and said in her shy voice, "Bet you're wondering why I called."

"A little, yeah. I mean you were the one that said no more calls."

"I..." He immediately wished he hadn't answered the phone. He could read her like a book. She wanted something, needed him to help her some how. He couldn’t count how many times she had called him in that same tone before, worried about some magazine cover, news article, image problem, not getting to see him or her sister. He hated it. He knew how she felt, but it was hard to reassure her so much, and he had a feeling she was about to start complaining about her celebrity situation…again.

He sighed and sat down in the chair, relaxing and placing the Coors can he had snatched from the mini bar on the glass table beside him. He knew he probably didn’t need to put any more alcohol in his system since he was just now wearing off his other dosage, and his stomach was starting to churn a little; but beer always seemed to relax him and he needed some relaxation after the night he had had, and kept having. He figured one can of beer wouldn’t do any more damage, not like the hard liquor he had had earlier. That had been a terrible mistake.

He was starting to think about Kristen . He needed to stop. He should have his mind on his ex now. She needed him. "You know if you need anything I'm here for you."

"I…I miss you Justin."

He stopped mid sip. The can slowly came from his lips and was placed back on the table. Apparently she needed him in a different way than he had imagined. "Y...you miss me?"

"Yeah, crazy huh?"

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I miss you too, you know that."

"It's just…I'm starting to think that I've made a big mistake. I…I love you Justin, that wont ever change."

"I love you too, Bee." He said the words without thinking, and as soon as they slipped out he wondered if he should have said them. It had been routine for him for a while, and even though he hadn't talked to her in a few weeks, it still felt natural.

"Some of the girls and I were having a night out tonight and they all started talking about the guys they were dating and seeing and all these little cute things. I…I caught myself starting to talk about you. "

He sighed her name. "Britney…" She didn’t need to pull him down this road.

"C- could I come see you?"

He's body tensed up and he immediately started to feel his stomach tie itself in a knot. "I…I don’t know if that would work."

"Why not?"

Images of Kristen seeing Britney hang around flashed in his mind. He didn’t need to have them jealous of each other. He shook his head, he wasn’t dating Krsiten and Britney was an ex. But that didn’t mean he wanted Britney to come up for a nice little visit. He thought of another excuse, a valid one. "Because I'm trying to get over you. And I was just about there, and then you hit me with this. That’s not good for a guys emotions, Brit."

"What about my emotions. Do you know how hard it was for me to break up with you?"?

A bitter laugh escaped his lips and he muttered, "Seemed pretty easy to me."

"Ugh, ya know? Just forget I ever called. You can be the biggest asshole sometimes." Perfect. He had been called that twice in one night.

I didn’t really go over well with his ego. He sat up and hit the table, almost knocking off the beer can. "What the hell? Just because I'm not shitting myself over you anymore you get all angry? That's bull shit Britney. BULL SHIT!"

"You're bull shit. You know you miss me, and you know you want us to be together again, but no, you gotta let your fuckin' ego get in the way."

"I knew I should have ignored you."

"WHAT? Justin what's the real reason for you not letting me come up there and SEE you. Are you…"

He slouched completely in his seat and glared at the balcony railing. He thought he could smell cigarette smoke. "What?"

"Are you seeing someone?"

He immediately thought of Kristen again. He wondered how he was gonna make it up to her. He wouldn’t be able to live the next month or so of tour with her mad at him. It'd eat at him way too much. "What's it matter?"

"I cant believe you would do this to me."

"I never said I was, I'm just saying what's it matter?"

He could see her trough the phone now, rolling her eyes, hands on her hips, giving him attitude like crazy. "You must be. You must have met SOMEONE. Ever since you went on tour you haven't called me."

He laughed out of surprise. She was searching now. "You told me not to!"

"And when did you start listening to me?"

"Now you're just punching me for no reason. I'm going to bed. I've had a fuckin' shitty ass night."

"What's her name Justin?"

"Who's?" He was completely lost.

"The girl you are seeing. The girl that’s evidently gotten you over me pretty damn quickly."

"It's been almost 4 months!"

She corrected him in a snappy voice. "3 months"

"Who cares?! I'm not gonna spend the REST of my life waiting on you Britney. I did for a month and a half and it fuckin' tore me apart. I wont do that to myself. You made a valid point. Our relationship was too exhausting. It wasn’t my idea to break up. YOU, Brit, YOU were the one that gave up. I gave everything I HAD into this relationship, you half assed it…"

"What the..."

He didn’t acknowledge her interruption and kept talking, lecturing her, trying to get his point across. "YES you did! I'm sorry I couldn’t be there 24/7, but you know how that is. You know better than anyone, and STILL you wanted more from me. I gave you my all and it wasn’t good enough, so you gave in, didn’t sacrifice anything, just realized I wasn’t good enough…"

"Justin…"

He stood up out of the chair and started to pace the small area he had to walk in. The smell of smoke became more noticeable and it just added to his irritation. "Don’t Justin me. It's the truth. So I'm sorry that I've gotten over you. I'm happy with myself now. I'm happy that I don’t have to worry if I'm gonna be able to be for some premiere or if I'm gonna forget to call you right at 4 o clock or if I'm gonna be able to come see you for the weekend. I don’t have to worry anymore about any of that stuff and you don’t know the weight that's been lifted off my shoulders."

"Well thanks. Make me feel like shit."

"I felt like shit for about 60% of t he time during our relationship."

"What about the to her percent? " He closed his eyes at her quiet voice. He knew he had probably gotten to her, but not without hurting her feelings.

"The other percent…" He sighed. "Take me back to the start Britney. Remember then? Remember when we couldn’t get enough of each other, when no one knew, we snuck around, we'd hang out and watch movies and not stress about the next time we'd see each to her. I wouldn’t fly in at 11 get to the hotel at 12, get in bed with you for 6 hours and fly out again by 7. None of that."

When she didn’t say anything back for a moment he said calmly into the phone, trying not to stir up any more emotion. "I love you. And you know that. You KNOW that. But I cant help it that we've changed. And I cant help how our careers are. But you aren't gonna take this away from me. And I'm not gonna take it away from you. I just, I cant deal with this anymore."

"Fine. I'll see ya." She muttered.

"Britney don’t do that. Don’t write this off as nothing big."

Her voice bit at his ears. "Well what the hell do you want me to do?"

"Get over me."

She made a "hmp" noise over the phone and after a minute or so of hearing her breath fairly heavily through the phone, he said, "Ok, don’t say anything. I'm exhausted and someone's smoking downstairs…reminds me of someone…" He said with a smile, hoping to get her to do the same.

"Don’t start. My momma caught me last night."

He laughed. She was 20 years old and still getting "caught" doing things. "Aww, momma caught ya."

"It's not funny." She said in a defensive voice. It was a growing habit of her to light up every now and then, and he wasn’t one to say he was a saint and had never had a cigarette, but he knew he could never start smoking if he wanted to keep his voice. Plus, he had no real desire to. It was a bad habit. He had thought about how it might have taken off the edge a little off that night, espeically when he saw some people smoking outside the club when he left. But then he immediately thought about how his voice would sound the next morning.

The smoke smell seemed to be getting a little heavier. "Anyway, yeah, I'm gonna go to bed and save my voice from the tar."

"You're paranoid."

She was laughing at him, so he stood up for himself and threw in other excuses. "And I'm cold. It's chilly out here."

"Go get in bed, like me."

He could tell right off the bat that the way she had whispered the last part of that phrase was an attempt to seduce him, to reel him into a sexy conversation like she had so many other times. He couldn’t afford getting another hard on. His one from Kristen died down a little while ago, but he didn’t need Britney to start getting him like that again. "Don’t even tempt me like that. You're mean."

"We did have good sex." She said with no care what so ever.

Oh yes, she was really mean. He could feel the blood start to rush down there. He actually prayed to God that it would stop. "I'm hanging up now."

"Night Justin."

At least he got her to laugh a little, even if it was more of a "hmp" than a full belly laugh. He never handled pissing off women well: From his mother on down. Britney was no exception and he didn’t want her to look at him badly. And he definitely didn’t want to give her any fuel to start the post-relationship bitching he had seen many girls do before. "Britney…I didn’t mean to hurt you, with anything I said tonight. I did have a lot of alcohol tonight and a bad night on top of it."

"Well, yeah. I'll talk to ya later." She seemed to accept his apology, kind of. But then she hung up. He thought about calling her back begging for forgiveness, but then she would have him right where she wanted: vulnerable. She was trying to get him back, and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go back. Sure, he loved her and loved their relationship, or what once was their relationship; but she had hurt him, she had given up, and she hadn't loved him enough to suck up the problems they were facing and stick it out though the long run.

That had killed a part of him inside, and he was still getting over that. The last thing he needed was her coming back for a few days, spend that time in bed with him doing things he dreamt of, and then realizing that one of them would have to leave for a shoot or a interview or a show and figuring out that they couldn’t be together 24/7. And then she'd want to quit again.

And a little more of him would die.

He wanted to save his soul. So he made a bold decision over a course of a few months to get over her, move on, and not even glance behind him.

When he got undressed and put his phone on the charger he was able to finally get in bed and relax. He spent a long time staring into the darkness thinking about his life, thinking about how happy he was. He was hurt, no doubt about that, but over all he was happy…he was happier.

He actually enjoyed being single, not having to worry about an extra person. He was immediately slammed with the image of Kristen, dressed up, shocked look on her face, realizing he had no intention of kissing her. He liked Kristen a lot. She intrigued him and started a little flame inside of him that hadn't ever really been ignited before. She seemed uncaring and brutal and defensive at some times and then at others she became sensitive, feminine, and dare he say mysterious. There was more going on with her than she let on. He could sense it about her.

He liked Kristen, but he didn’t know how.

He loved hanging out with her, but he couldn’t decide if the tension from attraction between them was because he truly wanted something more from her than friendship, or if he was just longing for female attention.

He figured it was probably the last one. Kristen wasn’t his type. She was cute, and he saw that evening she could look nice, but it wasn’t her, it wasn’t her at all that night: it was what could have been her, what he didn’t want to be her. And even when he had kissed her, now that he knew it was her, he realized she as playing a part.

She was herself, a trait he had found lacking in about 70% of the women he had met. But he couldn’t be attracted to her any more than a friend. She seemed so different from him. So much younger. So…naïve at times.

With that last thought he flipped over on his stomach, smothering himself into one of the pillows and succumbing to sleep.

It was in the middle of the night when he changed his mind.

He woke up and his stomach was battling with him, but it was only partly from the alcohol. He couldn’t get the numerous occasions that phone numbers had been slipped in his hands, dates had been offered, set ups from friends, blunt invitations from heavenly beautiful barely dressed women in clubs that were more than willing to give him any kind of female attention he wanted.

He tried not to be too egotistical about himself, but he started to remember all the times, since his relationship with Britney had ended, that women had offered him the female attention he craved.

He had turned them all down. Every single one.

And now, suddenly, surprisingly, with Kristen, he didn’t want to turn it down. He wanted every bit of attention she would give him.

Chapter 9

Kristen walked down the hallway dreading what was going to happen in the next minute. After sleeping maybe 30 minutes the night before, she had got up, and come to the arena. Now that she was there she had been ram-sacked with a million things to do. She was on item number 4 at the moment: Deliver the box of play station and dream cast games to the playroom. Normally she wouldn’t mind a task such as this. It didn’t cause her much labor and wouldn’t take up too much of her time.

But Justin was in the playroom. Justin and Joey and Lance.

She hadn’t seen him since Rick dragged her out of the club the night before and forced her into a car. She really didn’t want to see him ever again. By the time she had tried to think up ways to avoid him, she was there, at the door of the playroom, which was cracked open.

Justin was lying on the couch, face down, clearly chuckling, even though his eyes were closed. Lance was flipping through a magazine and occasionally looking up at Joey with an amused grin as Joey told his story.

Joey's hands moved as he talked, making him very animated. "So, I'm sitting there watching right? It's all hot and shit. I mean the one girl has got her hands all up on the other girl. Dude I'm talking about straight up D's. They were big. But not too big to where their all gross and shit. And I don’t think they were fake either, which I was surprised at. And RIGHT when one of the girls started to eat out the other…Kelly walks in."

Justin groaned out with a laugh, "Ohhh shit." Then he turned his head the other way, facing the back of the couch.

"That's what I was thinking. I mean I was just flipping through. It's not my fault Showtime has porn at night."

"Did she get pissed?" Lance asked not looking up from the magazine.

"Actually no. This is the best." Kristen rolled her eyes. Of course they would be talking about porn. Of course Joey would. She sighed to herself and continued on watching unnoticed. Joey shifted in his seat and got a devilish look in his eyes. "So she comes in and is like "Joseph what on earth are you watching?!" and I'm all like "I'm just flipping baby…it was funny…what are you up to.." all that bull shit. And you'll never guess what she did."

"What?" Lance threw w the magazine on the coffee table and started to stretch his arms.

After waiting a moment for some type of effect she figured he said, "She lay down beside me and when I turned the channel she told me….to turn it back to tha porno!"

Justin's head turned back towards Joey. His eyes were open now. "Dude..Kel watched a porno with you?"

"It wasn’t that kinky…but still it was porn and girl on girl at that." He sat back and in an arrogant manner, crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. Kristen wanted to throw up. The other day she was thinking about how attractive lesbianism seemed. Now with Justin being a complete asshole and Joey proving that all men were pathetic pigs, she was about to make that declaration.

Lance casually asked, "Did you do it afterwards.?"

"Nosey ass."

"Well did you." Dammit Justin, she thought. Of course he had to say something. It was only three words but his voice was gravely and mischievous. The lesbian thing was forgotten.

"Fuck yeah." Joey said then slapped hands with Lance's outstretched one.

"Where was Brianna?" Justin asked.

Joey looked off to the side and smiled like he couldn’t remember. "Um…"

"Dude!" Lance sat forward a little on his chair and his eyes widened.

"She was asleep in Chris’s room, gees." Joey shrugged and started to chuckle a little.

Justin flipped over on his back and sighed. A minute later he busted into laughter and exclaimed, "You left her with Chris?!"

Kristen figured she had heard enough of the bad-parenting and sexual activities Joey participated in. So she pushed the door open fully, letting it smack into the wall and blew some hair out of her face. "I personally prefer Cinemax for my soft core porn, but whatever."

Three heads turned to her. Six eyes widened. But Justin was the only one that shot up in his and said breathlessly, "W-what?"

"Oh yeah, the door was open. Don’t mind me I'm just delivering games." She rolled her eyes and walked over to the coffee table p lacing the small box down.

"Ooo what'd you bring?" Lance asked.

"I don’t know I haven’t opened it yet. I gotta go though. Unlike some people I have shit to do. Lance you're responsible. Will you check off the order form and make sure they all came for me."

He looked up at her and smiled sincerely. It made her feel more at ease in the room. She didn’t really like Joey and it was no question why she didn’t want to be in the room with Justin. "Surely."

"Thanks. Just leave the form on the table or something. See ya." She turned quickly, trying not to be caught catching glimpses of Justin. She was almost out the door and on her way to freedom when her body was forced to a halt, the air in her lungs disappeared and she started feeling dizzy.

"Wait." What did he want from her?

She turned, put her hands on her hips and sighed. Her eyebrows raised in a silent response. "Since when did you watch porn?"

Her gray eyes rolled sharply and let her hands fall like weights beside her, hitting her thighs. "It was a joke Justin. But what the hell would you know anyway?"

Joey laughed and it faded into, "Aww, come on little Kristen, you know you don’t watch it."

"Oh really?" She challenged. She was now fully pissed off. She was in a bad mood, it was a bad day and they were bad company. Joey had no right to pretend he knew who she was or what she did. Oh that pissed her off. And Justin was just sitting there with a smirk on his face.

There were times in her life when she wished she own a machine gun.

"Watch what?"

She jumped when a hand was placed on her shoulder and a voice came beside her. She looked and saw JC standing there smiling at her genuinely.

Lance yawned. "Hey C. Porn."

"You watch porn?" He asked surprised looking at her hard.

She shrugged. "Maybe."

"Right." Lance said sarcastically. She didn’t like Lance. Any nice thing she ever said about him: she hated now.

In truth she didn’t know why this made her so mad. At least they didn’t think she was a slut. Still, it got on her nerves that they saw her as nothing more than a little girl. Especially that that’s all Justin saw her as.

"Lil innocent Kristen. Honey do you know what sex is?" Joey said like he was talking to a child.

She hated Joey.

"Hilarious," she said in a monotone voice, staring at him like she was ready to rip his head off with her bare hands.

"You are pretty virginal."

She hated Justin the most. But at the same time she was a little hurt. He had kissed her and she had flirted with him before and him back, and now he thought of her as an innocent pure girl that knew nothing. She wasn’t naïve like they assumed and she wasn’t miss perfect as they thought. She stared at him and could tell she was getting to him when he bit his lip and looked away, pretending to be interested in a magazine on the coffee table. "How would you know?"

"You’re the one that watches sesame street." He said in a smart ass tone.

She snapped. "It's quality programming! At least I don’t watch a fuckin porno with my boyfriend and leave my child with my psychotically immature friend who was probably paying more attention to..to..a comic book than a little baby! God you’d think at least ONE of you would have a brain. You'd think ONE of you would act..normal..just..UGHH!!!"

When the silence lasted more than 30 seconds and all that you could hear was her heavy breathing she growled one more time in frustration and stalked out of there on a mission to leave that room, that place, that tour, that life for good.

She had gotten to the end of the hallway when she heard him speak. "Wait up."

The worst part about this whole thing was that Justin sounded sincere. She could hear his footsteps speeding up behind her to catch up and when she looked over her shoulder she saw his forehead was wrinkled and he looked worried.

She didn’t want to deal with her emotions and hormones and conscious at that moment so she brushed him off. "Go away I don’t wanna talk to you." And with that she started to lightly jog.

"WAIT!" He’s voice was half laughter, half serious, like your father coming down on you in disbelief.

"GO AWAY!" But it was too late. She felt his arms around her and felt the weight being taken off her feet as she was lifted up in the air.

His voice growled in her ear. "Just because you are pissed at me because im an asshole gives you no reason to act like a total bitch to everyone else."

"PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN." She was causing a scene and she didn’t care. She wanted people to think she was crazy, maybe they’d kick her off the tour and she wouldn’t have to deal with Justin and all the mess that surrounded him.

He took her into their quiet room, slammed the door behind him with a slam of his foot and dropped her carelessly on the couch. "Fine."

"Thank you," she said in the bitchiest voice she could find.

He stood there in front of her with his cross over his chest for a minute before finally saying, "You wanna bitch, go ahead and bitch me out."

"I don’t have anything to say to you."

She looked down at her nails and pretended to pick at them, trying her best to ignore him and the whole situation. "Then why'd you just go ballistic."

She stood up off the couch and challenged him. She was shorter than him by almost a foot but she didn’t care. She was going to get her point across even if it killed her. "They treat me …you too…like im 5 years old. Dammit I'm almost 20, just because I'm the youngest person here doesn’t mean you people have to treat me this way. Wow, I know what sex is..big fucking deal."

He sighed and his eyes softened at her. "You’re just..youre like our little sister-…ok to them you are.."

Her eyes started to water. She wanted him to say more, to tell her what she was to him. There was no mistake that there was something there between them, attraction, lust, friendship, something. She wanted to hear it from his mouth. But as she began to talk she lost the courage to ask him what she wanted. "Then what am I to you Justin, some little slut you can ..never mind."

"Look, last night was one big mistake. The reason why is because I was drunk. I was stupid."

Oh, that made her feel a million times better. She had already pushed it into her mind that he wouldn’t want to kiss her, ever and now he was just pushing the point even more. She thought she could explode. She laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah..."

He dipped his head a little and caught her eyes with his gaze. She wasn’t the most experience person in the world when it came to guys, but she wasn’t dumb either, and the way he was looking at her right then seemed to have a lot more meaning behind it than just a friendly work relationship. "Kristen if I wanted to kiss you I wouldn’t do it while I was drunk. And I wouldn’t do it the way I did."

She pressed for more. She wanted to hear what he really felt. "What do you mean?"

He stepped closer. She wanted to step back, away from him, but the couch was blocking her. "I would take my time and I'd do it sober because I would want to remember it and savor it."

"But you don’t want to kiss me so you…"

"You don’t know that. I spent all last night thinking about you."

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know if he was just making this stuff up to make her feel better or if he was telling the truth. And if he was telling the truth what did he mean he spent all last night thinking of her. Did that mean he WANTED to kiss her? Did that mean he LIKED kissing her? Why was he moving closer and why was he licking his lips?

He wasn’t drunk now. And if he kissed her he wouldn’t have anything to blame it on except himself.

"Um thanks."

"Really, I couldn’t sleep because I was so torn up that I had hurt you." He did his little half Justin smile and she tried not to just jump him right then and there. Maybe she was getting her period because her hormones were definitely going hay-wire.

"Is this supposed to be a pick up line?"

He returned her smile with a brighter one. "It’s the truth."

Then her smile dropped. "Well it’s not working."

Justin sighed and pushed some of her hair out of her face. It was a simple gesture but one she wouldn’t let anyone else do without being verbally bashed and possibly castrated. With Justin she just kept staring at him, mesmerized. She was starting to wonder if the thought in her head and the feelings in her body were starting to show in her actions. "I didn’t think it would. I just don’t want you hating me. And I don’t want you taking it out on the other guys."

"Joey deserved it."

"Why do you hate Joey so much?"

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled at him. Damn, if he didn’t look good enough to eat right then… "He gets on my nerves."

"He gets on mine too," Justin laughed.

She pushed past him, afraid that she would do something she regretted. She stretched her arms over her head and pretended to be bored with the whole conversation. "Ya know, I'm not as virginal as he says."

He plopped down on the couch and cocked and interested eyebrow at her. "Oh really."

So now he was mocking her. God he pissed her off and he was looking so fuckin causal and cool and good just sitting there with his legs a little spread and his arms draped across the back of the couch. She wanted to go crawl up by him and tell him everything she knew and have him talk to her and kiss her and hold her and she wanted him to like her, like she liked him.

But that was impossible. He was Justin Timberlake and she was the toy girl just tagging along for the ride. The room was starting to get hot and she was having trouble breathing. She rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "Yes really!"

His head tilted a little and his eyes squinted at her. "Why does that piss you off. What's going on Kirsten."

"Nothing ok." She opened the door and got ready to walk out.

"Fine..." He mumbled. She looked over him and watched him sigh and close his eyes, covering his face with his hands.

"Fine!" She snapped back at him and stalked out the door. She started out walking fast and then slowed down in preparation and hopes that he would come after her.

Soon she had slowed down to where she was leaning against the hallway wall, staring down the corridor at the door to the room she had just left. But 5minutes later he hadn’t come after her, hadn’t even left the room.

She didn’t know why she acted the way she did with him and she didn’t know why she got worked up so easily, but now, faced with the fact that she had fallen for a guy that was out of her league she wanted to do nothing more than crawl up in a ball and cry. And then go back to Michigan and away from all the confused that surrounded her here

 

-------

That night sucked. The whole day had but that night especially did. There had been a tornado warning in the area and the show had been delayed about an hour. That night they weren’t going back to the hotel, they were driving straight to the next city. She didn’t even know where they were or where they were going.

The trailer had been packed but the van hadn’t been fixed. Rick had disappeared and she didn’t know where to go or who she was riding with that night.

She looked at her watch. 12:08

She could hear the mass of screaming girls echo through the hallways of the back area of the stadium. It was a dull continuous noise that would every once in a while raise in volume and pitch. It was giving her a migraine.

"What’s up?"

She jumped and clutched her hand to her chest. "Fuckin shit Rick!"

"What?" He was casually leaning against the wall beside her. She hadn’t noticed him at all and for someone that was usually pretty in tune with her surroundings, this wasn’t good.

"Don’t scare me like that."

"Sorry, gonna ride with the boys tonight?"

She shrugged her shoulders against the white wall. "Uh, you tell me?"

"We'll get a van by the end of the week."

"What the hell is the delay, is it really an issue to buy a new van? I'm sure it doesn’t really cost that much compared to everything else."

"We gotta get a good one though."

She rolled her eyes. He was annoying, everything was annoying that day. She wanted to be left laone."Whatever."

It was silent for a while and then Rick ruffled her hair a little and asked, "You doin ok? You’ve kind of been outta it today."

"Fine."

"Ya know if you wanan talk about last-"

She cut him off with a hard voice, staring straight in front of her. "I don’t wanna talk about last night."

"Ok. See ya in Chicago sweetie." He was about 10 feet away from her when it registered in her brain how close they were to her home state.

"Hey we gonna be in Michigan soon?"

He turned to her and smiled. "You know it. Next place after Chicago. Detroit what?"

With a curled nose and a wave of her hand she dismissed him. "Uh…go away."

"See ya kid."

She stayed against the wall for a few more minutes until she grabbed up her backpack and headed for the buses. She figured if she were asleep or..at least pretending to be a sleep by the time Chris and Justin got on the bus, she wouldn’t have to deal with them.

She said hey to James and he informed her that the bunk under Justin's had been cleared out for her for the time being. She quickly went to the bathroom and changed into her pjs and then got in her bunk and closed her eyes, praying that a death-like sleep would come over her and she wouldn’t wake up until the next morning; after they had arrived in Chicago and after Justin had gotten up and left the bus.

About ten minutes later she was no where near sleep and she felt the bus’s engine crank. Minutes afterward, yelling seared her ears.

“Holy FUCK that was an awesome show!”

“Dude we sounded like heaven! Knock-knock knocking on heaven’s doorrrrr.”

James voice was loud but in a whisper, “Hush kids! There’s a lady on board trying to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if yall’s momma’s taught yall anything.”

“James my momma…”

Chris laughed loudly. “Yes Justin we know….Oh Kristennnn, you awake?”

“Man, leave her alone.” Justin’s voice was calm and cautious.

“Hey, I didn’t try and make out with...”

“Shut up.” Justin said.

And she agreed with him, yelling from her bunk in a aggravated tone, “YES PLEASE! I’m TRYING to sleep.”

Her curtain was slung open and she saw Chris standing there, sweaty with a bright smile. “Hey baby doll.”

She glared. “Go to hell Chris.”

He put his hands up in defense and walked past the bunks to the back room. “Whoa….hello to you too.”

She was left with Justin staring at her. He smiled a little and said in a small voice, “Hey.”

She didn’t know what to do at first. She stared at him and when he started to lick his lips she glared at him as well and said “bye” in a harsh voice and then slung her curtain back, making sure she huffed and puffed as she did.

She turned over in the bunk, placed the pillow over her head, and tried her best to drown out the quiet chit chat the guys were making. She thought they had finally stopped and gone to bed so she pulled the pillow off her head and situated herself more comfortably in the small space. She opened her eyes and noticed the light was still on in the bus and was going to make a move to turn it off, but when she caught a glimpse of the crack of space that wasn’t covered by the curtain, she saw him.

He was standing there shirtless and she tried her best to close her eyes and forget it but she found herself fixated on him. It was horrible and pathetic but he looked so good, muscular but not like he was on steroids or anything.

The more personal parts of her started to stir and she really wondered if she could ever be a seductress.

Who the hell was she kidding? She was innocent little Kristen. Non-sexual, Non-attractive, and Non-Justin Timberlake’s.

She wished she could beat herself up literally. She really needed a good beating to bring her down to reality.

What the hell was she doing liking him? What the hell was she doing thinking maybe the kiss from the night before was more than a drunk mistake? What the hell was she doing lying there wondering what the hell she was doing liking Justin Timberlake?

She turned on her side, facing the other way and closed her eyes. She then heard a sigh and a grunt, the slight crack of pressure being put on the edge of the bunk above her. She heard him roll around above her. She heard Chris start to breath heavy. She heard Justin shuffle around some more.

And then it was silence, well besides the noise of Chris’s half-snoring and the constant hum of the road.

She closed her eyes and prayed for sleep, but finding all she could think about was the shirtless man she had just seen and how she wished she could still see him.

Chapter 10

 

He needed to get his mind off things: Fast. It was already 1:45 and he couldn’t sleep at all. He had fucked up big time and now he couldn’t get her out of his mind. This was craziness. Why the hell did he like her so damn much!?

 

He kept trying to convince himself he was just on the rebound but that couldn’t be it. He could have any girl he wanted. Maybe he wanted a challenge and that was definitely what Kristen was. His mind was running a thousand miles a minute and he needed to do something to make his eyes sorely tired and his brain dead. It had been a long time since he had played a Game Boy and he knew he had one somewhere. His brother had given it to him so he wouldn’t be bored on the road. He thought it was a cute gesture but now it was his saving grace.

 

He pulled himself up and opened the small compartment at the foot of his bunk. He had random stuff stashed in there and he found the gray device, grabbed a handful of games and laid back on his bed. He situated himself more comfortably and went to pickup a random game.

 

But of course, his hand missed and the 5 games that he had pulled out had slide off the slick material of his comforter/sleeping bag and crashed into the floor, a good 4 feet down.

Shit.

He sighed to himself and realized he was either going to have to give up on his quest for becoming brain dead or get up and go down and get the small cartridges. He made a move to get up and pushed the curtain out of his way, but when he looked over the side of his bunk he saw Kristen hanging, almost falling out of the bunk, reaching down and picking up his games for him.

 

He looked down. She looked up.

 

“Hey, what are you doing up?”

 

She struggled to pull herself up and she disappeared into her bunk for a second and then reappeared. “Well, the sound of Game Boy games falling from the sky and crashing into the floor woke me up.”

 

“Sorry about that.”

 

“It’s ok, here ya go.” She handed him the games. He thought it was cute she had to use both hands to hold them and he was about to grab them all in one handful. He put the games on the other side of him so they wouldn’t fall again and when he looked back down at her she had disappeared into her bunk.

 

“Hey wait.”

 

He heard her call from her bunk. “What?”

 

“Um…how’s the bunk?”

 

He then heard her half laugh and say, “Uh, ok? Why?”

 

“I dunno. Sorry. Night.”

 

“Yeah, night.”

 

He settled back in his bunk and looked at the games scattered by his side. He tried to concentrate on which one to pick, but he couldn’t. He could only think about how she was practically falling out of her top and how her hair looked good pulled back in a ponytail. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to spend time with her, or do something with her, no matter what it was. He pushed himself over the bunk and hung over it. He slung her curtain out of the way and looked upside down at her in her bunk.

 

“Hey, you asleep?”

 

She was staring at him when she said, “Yes.”

 

He smiled. “Shut up. Come play with me.”

 

“Play what?”

 

“Against each other. Game boy. You have those cable thingies. I’ve seen you and Rick.”

 

“Cable thingies? So technical Justin.” She smiled and he thought that in that moment she looked beautiful. She had been cute before and definitely pretty when she had been made over, but she had such a natural beauty about her right then. She seemed to hide it whenever she was at work, but now nothing was hidden, and nothing was added: it was just her.

 

“You wanna or not?”

 

“Well obviously I’m not sleepin’ so why not. Lemme find em.”

 

“Kay.” He went back into his bunk and waited on her, smiling to himself. She wasn’t bitching at him and she wasn’t pulling away from him. Maybe he could get somewhere with this.

 

Her hand emerged and hit him on his bare arm. “Here…plug your end in.” He took the black cord and pulled on it, but it wouldn’t go more than 5 inches from where her hand had been.

 

He frowned, “It doesn’t stretch that far.”

 

“Oh well. Sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what?”

 

“We don’t get to play.”

 

He pulled himself over the bunk again and smiled. “Who says?”

 

She put her hand in his face and tried to push him away. “Ugh, you’re so-WHAT…” He had reached down and pulled on her arm until he could get a hold of her shoulders and was now pulling her out of her bunk as best he could.

 

He chuckled to himself as she tried to pry herself from him. “Shhh…Chris is trying to sleep.”

 

“I’m NOT goin’ in your bunk.”

 

He let her go and she gave him a strange look punching him a couple times wherever she could. “You’ve been in it before.”

 

“Not with you in it.”

 

“So?”

 

Her voice got quiet and a shy look came into her gray eyes. He found it sexy. “So you’re half naked.”

 

He couldn’t resist and winked at her. “Too much temptation?”

 

On cue her demeanor changed and she turned up her nose. “Too much eww.”

 

He turned his smile to one that was as purposefully sincere as possible. “Ok, ok. Just come up here. You don’t have to stay. Just a one game. Until one of us dies. Ok?”

 

A mischievous look got in her eyes and he was glad she was joking with him. It meant they were still friends, on some strange level. “Until we die? That could be a long time.”

 

“I mean in the game KT.”

 

Her eyebrows raised. He would have told her how much older she looked with her hair pulled back but he didn’t want to offend her, again. “KT? No you aren’t allowed to call me that anymore.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you tried to sex me up in a club.”

 

He shook his head. “You’re never gonna let that go are you?”

 

“I don’t see it happening.” She looked up at him and he looked down at her. After about a minute of having an intense staring contest she sigh and mumbled an “alright.” He heard her shuffling around and the next thing he knew he was helping her crawl into his bunk. There wasn’t really that much space for two people to lay side by side. His left arm was pressed against the wall and his other side was firmly pressed into her side.

 

He thought that putting his arm around her would make for more room, but she’d bitch slap him.

 

“Got enough room?”

 

“Y- yeah thanks.” He noticed her eyes float down to his chest that was now exposed under the sheet that had bunched down to his stomach. He smiled to himself.

 

“You ready to go down?”

 

“Is that a challenge? You do realize I’m the queen of this game.”

 

“You do realize I don’t care.” He maturely stuck his tongue out at her.

 

“That’s mean.”

 

“You’re mean.”

 

“You’re smelly.”

 

“Oh that just hurts. I just got off a show, excuse me!”

 

Kristen laughed. It turned into a softer giggle and he loved it to death. She was cute as hell. He was having a hard time restraining himself against her. All he wanted was to was reach out and…flirt, do the things people that were dating did. But there was still that barrier there, and he didn’t know how to cross it just yet. “I’m just kidding. So sensitive Justin, geez.”

 

“You’re calling ME sensitive.”

 

“I’m just defensive.”

 

“God Almightily yes.”

 

She shrugged, and he felt it against his arm. “I have my reasons.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like…I don’t know. I’ve just been fucked over in the past. I’m not good at letting people in.”

 

“I’ve figured that out. I’ma start callin ya IcyHot. Hot one minute, Cold the next.”

 

He was purposefully trying to push her buttons. He hoped he could balance between pushing her buttons and pissing her off and back into her bunk. “What do you mean?”

 

“And you take this Nsync group thing literally. You’re mad at one of us you’re mad at the rest.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Today with Joey.”

 

“Joey’s a bitch.”

 

He pried the game boy from her hand and put it over on his side. They hadn’t even put a game in yet and she was whining and pouting at him. He was getting fed up with her empty reasons for being defensive and hating Joey and getting super mad at him. So he was going to get to the bottom of it and the first thing to do was eliminate all distraction: like the game boy. “Ok, that’s it. You’re telling me why the hell you hate him so much. He’s done nothing TO you. He’s usually the one the girls like first. He’s never been anything but kind and nice to you. If you are taking out your hatred of me on him that’s just pathetic.”

 

“I don’t HATE you and I’m not taking anything against you out on him. I just don’t think he’s a good father.”

 

Justin was astonished. She had probably spent an hour total time with Joey in her life and had probably seen him with Brianna for no more than 10 minutes of that time. She had no right to judge him on 10 minutes worth of time. “What the- He’s like… he’s the best father I think I’ve seen Kristen. You don’t know how much he loves that girl.”

 

“Just because he loves her doesn’t mean shit.” She was pissed now, staring off into space, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“What is going on with you? You got problems with your own dad or something?”

 

“I’m tired. I’m going back to sleep. See ya.” He must have pushed a button, but she had pushed his as well. He was tired and fed up with this bomb shelter she had buried herself in. She prided herself on being a thick-skinned girl but in reality whenever anyone said one thing to dig under that skin just a bit she closed up shop and headed home. He was going to get to the bottom of it finally.

 

“You do that to! You put up a wall and completely ignore anything that pushes you. Kristen, listen I know I’m an asshole, but I’d like to think I was your friend. Remember, we use to be buddies. You can talk to me. I know you don’t have many friends here on tour. Rick is…everywhere, I know. And everyone else has their own thing going. But if you want to talk about something I’m here, ok?”

 

“You sound like a fuckin after-school special.”

 

He shrugged and resituated his pillow. “I’m just telling you what I feel. Sorry. Go back to sleep. I’ll see ya in the morning.”

 

“Now you’re making me feel bad.”

 

“I don’t mean to.”

 

“Ok! Yes I have dad problems, ok?! But I’m sure its nothing you want to hear about.” He was getting somewhere. The Joey thing had been sorta solved, now on to the defensiveness.

 

“What about the sex thing?”

 

“What?”

 

He sighed and rolled over on his side to where he was facing her. She did the same. It was a rather intimate setting, them staring at each other on their sides, but there was more space between them than before. Still, now that they were facing, there were no barriers to keep them apart, keep one of them from leaning in, keep one of them from…He scolded himself for thinking those things while he was trying to get her to talk about her past. “Whenever we joke with you for being virginal you get super defensive like it’s a bad thing. It’s not, its cool.”

 

She laughed and turned her head a little into the edge of his pillow. When her face reemerged she looked at him and shook her head. “But Justin! I’m not a virgin!”

 

He had totally read her wrong. She had given off every virgin vibe he had ever been taught or ever come into contact with. This was a total blow to his female radar system. His ego was a little hurt to. He thought he had women figured out. Once again, she had thrown him for a loop. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh. See you guys don’t know SHIT about me. You THINK I’m miss innocent because I look young, I’m the youngest here, I watch kid programs and I usually approach sex with a very sarcastic tone but that’s just how I am. I’ve had sex before. I know what it is. God, I feel like I need to go to the gyno and have them give you proof or something. What’s the big fuckin deal?”

 

“Uh, you’re the one rambling about it.”

 

Her face was now bright red and he had to wonder if she was just that mad or embarrassed that she had just blurted all that out. “S- sorry.”

 

He was intrigued now, and he needed to know more. “So uh, when’d you loose it?”

 

“See! You cant believe it.”

 

“Well, I mean…I’m not saying you’re not sexual.”

 

Her eyes looked down and she traced patterns on the mattress. “Yes you are.”

 

He reached out and moved her chin with one finger to make sure she was looking him in the eyes. “No I’m not Kristen. I’ve seen you flirt. You can be tempting.”

 

“I can be?”

 

He thought about how he was digging himself into a hole. He didn’t mean to say that, but the truth was he had thought about her in more than friendly ways. He had brushed it off as being lonely and sex-deprived but there was only so much he could take. And when he starting thinking about her mouth, and the possible things it could do, her sexuality had broke the scale. In reality she wasn’t ever that sexual, but he had a feeling if persuaded in the right situation she could be. God, he thought. You’re such a perv. “Uh, you don’t want to know how bad.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Riiight.”

 

He switched the focus off him quickly. “So really, when’d you loose your virginity?”

 

“Graduation night.”

 

He smiled. “Fun stuff. High school boyfriend?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Who then?”

 

“Random guy at a party. Barely knew him.”

 

If he was thrown for a loop before he was thrown to space with this one. He had to wonder if she was just making this stuff up, or if he had totally read her wrong. “O-oh.”

 

She shrugged and yawned. “I was drunk. I use to not really drink. But daddy dearest had…just forget it. You really don’t want to hear my sap story.”

 

“No I really do.”

 

“You sure?”

 

Hell yes he wanted to know. He wanted to know how in the world his woman radar got fucked up. “Yeah. I do.”

 

“Don’t tell anyone about this. Only Rick knows about my dad, he doesn’t even know the sex part so I’m hoping you can keep secrets.”

 

“I can.”

 

She sighed and looked down at the mattress again. “Well my momma died when I was 8 so it was just me and daddy ya know. Just us. He was just, my world ya know? That’s how little girls and their dads are.”

 

“How’d you’re mom die?”

 

“She smoked way too much. She had a heart attack. She was only 34. I get kinda pissed at Rick when he does it so fuckin much, but I’ve smoked before and I probably will again so I don’t know. Anyway.”

 

“I’m sorry about your mom.”

 

“It’s ok. I’ve had more than enough time to get over it.”

 

The way she said it pulled at his heart a little. He wasn’t in her position and he wouldn’t know how it would feel to loose his mother, but he did know he wouldn’t be able to move on. She said it so carelessly and of course she was young when it happened, but she seemed so unemotional about it. It made him wonder how much stuff this girl had pushed back and how far she had pushed it back. “That’s not something you get over Kristen.”

 

“I guess. Anyway, so it was just me and dad. And then when I was 12, dad said we were goin on a trip to grandmas and told me to pack my bag. So I did. I went to grandmas and started playing in the yard with their dog and the next thing I know grandma was calling me in for supper. Daddy wasn’t there.”

 

He wondered if she had lost her father as well. If so, he couldn’t imagine what she had been goin through and still was going through. He thought back and could never recall her talking about family. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean he left me with my grandparents. He dropped me off. And I didn’t see him for another 10 years or so.”

 

His eyes widened. She hadn’t lost her father in the sense he had thought but it was almost as bad, if not worse. He had given her up. No wonder she hated Joey for not being with his daughter 24/7. “Holy shit. Why’d he do that?”

 

“I still don’t know. I guess he couldn’t handle me.”

 

“Were you a trouble maker or something?”

 

She laughed bitterly. “No I was like an angel child. I didn’t do anything. ‘Kristen go play in your room for an hour.’ ‘ok daddy.’ I had a very good imagination. I could spend hours in a 5 foot by 5 foot radius and have the best time of my life.”

 

He didn’t know what to say to her at first so he stumbled over his words. “That’s…I’m sorry Kristen. So have you seen him?”

 

“Yeah he came to my graduation. Pissed me the hell off. I got so mad. So when I went to a party that night I got completely smashed, ended up fuckin this guy named Michael Cardile.”

 

He thought about his first time with Britney. Even though it hurt a little when he looked back on it, it was with someone he loved, and would always love. It was awkward and a little embarrassing, but it wasn’t a random chick when he was trashed. “That’s kinda a sucky way to loose your virginity. I’m sorry girl.”

 

“That’s not the worst of it.”

 

He couldn’t imagine what else could go wrong, after her mom, and dad and this. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well I didn’t remember much of it, which I probably a good thing, and because of that the jack ass didn’t use a condom.”

 

Everything seemed to stop. He started to wonder how far this hole went, and if he really wanted to see the end. “A- are you ok?”

 

“I am now. I wasn’t though.”

 

After a few seconds of staring at her face while she looked down at the mattress he squeaked out, “What happened?”

 

“Well…” She sighed and looked up at him in the eyes. “I had a miscarriage.”

 

The air rushed out of his lungs like he had been hit hard on his back. “W- what?”

 

“Y- yeah, I didn’t know. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I went to the bathroom and there was way too much blood to be my period.”

 

He made a face, not because she was talking about her period but because he had never heard such a thing like this happening to someone he knew. And it was Kristen, little sarcastic Kristen. She’d been through more life than he had thought, more than she should have been through.

 

“I went to the doctor to have it check on. Damn I was scared as shit.”

 

“I- I’m sorry.” He knew he sounded stupid but he didn’t want to just lay there and be silent and her think he wasn’t listening.

 

“It’s…It’s really weird ya know? I mean I never was really upset. More relieved. That might be bad to say but I didn’t even know I was pregnant. And it was only like a week and a half after I had had sex. So, it wasn’t like I had lost a child. I- I don’t know. Am I makin any sense? I mean plus, what the hell would I do with a kid?”

 

Justin took in a deep breath and then let it out. It was too much for him to take in all at once, and he didn’t know why it was bothering him so much. “T- that’s…heavy.”

 

She flipped on her back and looked up at the top of his bunk. “Is it? I don’t know. It’s just my life. So I lived with the grands until I decided I needed to get out of Michigan. That’s when I was talking to Rick on the phone and he said he could use an extra hand. So I quit my jobs at The Skatarium and Tike’s Music Store and caught a flight, my first one, compliments of Mr. Wright himself and slept on Rick’s couch for a couple weeks until here we are.”

 

“Wow.” He was still shocked by it all but at least she was smiling now. And she didn’t seem that upset about it all, more relieved that she had let it all out.

 

He had to wonder who knew all that. Did her grandparents know about her miscarriage? Rick obviously didn’t know and he never heard her talk about friends back home.

 

“So what’s your story Mr. Timberlake?” She turned to him and nudged his bare shoulder a little.

 

“What’s MY story? Isn’t it known?” He laughed.

 

“Not to me. I want to know the grit.”

 

He shrugged. “There’s not much grit.”

 

“Boring.”

 

Good. He thought. It was back to normal. They were picking on each other once again. The weight seemed to be lifted in the small space and still he feel more connected to her than ever before. She wasn’t blocking him or putting on a front. He liked that. “What do you want to know? I was born…uh I lived with my mom and dad…they divorced, both got remarried, I moved to Florida got into *Nsync and here we are. Oh and then there’s Britney, but what’s to know about that?”

 

“I don’t know. What is there to know?”

 

“Started datin’ a couple years ago. She got tired of us being apart all the damn time, wanted to do the single thing for a while.” He rolled his eyes thinking of how pathetic Britney’s excuses had been and were. He was really tired of thinking about her. He was ready to move on.

 

“I’m sorry. You seem a little bitter.”

 

He laughed. “Well I am. I tried so fuckin hard to please that girl and make sure she was happy. I canceled shit. I went days without sleeping just so she could see me or whatever. She knows how this business thing is. But she just wants more than I can give. And I gave her so fuckin much.”

 

“Sometimes things like that just don’t work out.”

 

“I just, I think she’s expecting me to come back to her. But I cant if she expects me to give up some of my career for her. She wouldn’t give up hers for me. So why should I for her?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Anyway.”

 

It was quiet for a while until she started reaching under the comforter. He wondered what the hell she was doing when her hand bumped into his lower stomach. Moments later her hand reemerged with her game boy in its grip. She smiled brightly. “Want to play now?”

 

He smiled back trying to forget that he just had a woman’s hands close to him and trying to forget all that she had just told him about herself. “Sure.”

 

About 10 minutes later they were battling it out hard on their Game boys. His thoughts had been totally wiped away except for the object of the game he was playing, exactly what he had been needing all night. But he glanced over and saw her biting her lip a little, concentrating solely on the game and nothing else. He smiled at how cute she looked in his bed. He wondered if it was wrong of him to think that he wanted her there more often. After all he had heard he had this strong urge to protect her and make sure nothing bad like that ever happened to her again. He nudged her arm with his. “Hey thanks for, being open and honest with me.”

 

She glance up for just a moment. “Thanks for caring enough to want to know.”

 

“Course.” And with that his eyes went back to the game, but his thoughts never left Kristen.

Chapter 11

 

It was warm. It was heavenly warm. Like being in a fleece blanket during winter with warm socks, sitting by the fire and a mug of hot cocoa sitting on the table waiting for you. It was comfortable, strangely comfortable for her normal sleeping conditions. She opened her eyes and it was unusually dark. There was a little bit of light coming out of the corners of the curtain and she realized she was in her bunk on the guys’ bus. She yawned and started to stretch, amazed by how refreshed she felt.

 

It was half way through her stretch when she heard it: a deep, gravely male groan. It scared her to death and shocked the hell out of her. She looked over her shoulder but couldn’t see much so she made a move to turn a little so she could get a better look. When her body moved she felt something around her waist tighten and she felt a body, a hard male body press up against her back. She looked down and saw a bare arm draped over her side and stomach. Her eyes traveled up the arm, her body turned a little. The male body sighed and gripped her tighter.

 

Her eyes landed on a cross tattoo.

 

She turned back around like she was and laid there stiff, unable to move in his arms and not really wanting to. Her eyes were wide open and she wondered how the hell they had gotten like that. Last thing she remembered they were innocently playing Tetris, since she was kicking his ass in the Mario game they had been playing before then. Now he was cuddled up to her, protectively sleeping by her side, spooning her.

 

She could feel his breath on her neck, hear him inhale and then quietly exhale.

 

She started to smile. She tried her damnest to stop, but her attempt failed. She bit her lip and tried not to giggle.

 

Get it together. You’re just sleeping beside each other. Damn. So this is what it feels like. He he...Ok stop Kristen!

She cussed herself out a little bit for being overly excited and started thinking about the night before, and all that she had told him. She noticed how quiet he was after that and how he was looking at her harder than he ever had before, like he was trying to get inside her head. Now that she looked back, she realized that they had started to nod off and she had turned off the game and joking said ‘night’ to Justin, pulling on his pillow until she had totally got it out from under him and so that it was cushioning her head instead. She put her back to him and closed her eyes, ready for him to make a smart ass comment, kick her out, or something like that. She was just trying to flirt a little, pick at him, and get under his skin.

 

But now that she thought about it, once she closed her eyes, nothing else happened. And now she was in his bed, him sleeping beside her, holding on to her. She wondered if the light from outside the bunk was from the lights in the bus or from daylight, so she raised her arm a tad and pushed the curtain back a little to find out.

 

She strained to look out of it and realized it was daylight, but she was also met with a reality that hit her hard.

 

Chris was stumbling out of his bunk.

 

She made a quick move to push the curtain back so she was blocked from his view. Great. Now Chris was going to think her and Justin were fucking or something.

 

She smiled again. She cussed herself out again.

 

She heard the sound of a curtain being slung back forcefully underneath her and the sound startled her. She heard Chris start to say “Wake up Kristen” in a loud obnoxious voice but halfway through ‘Kristen’ his voice caught.

 

“Uhh…”

 

She tried not to laugh as she listened in on the conversation.

 

“James, where’s Kristen?”

 

“Son, I watch the road. I don’t pay attention to wha yall do back there.”

 

“Well, she’s not in her bunk.”

 

The next thing that was said scared the crap out of her. It came from the person pressed against her. “Chris, shut up! God!”

 

“Do you know-“ Chris halted his words because he had slung back the curtain to Justin’s bunk. She smiled at him shyly.

 

He stared at her a long time. She saw his eyes dart from her to Justin. He opened his mouth, closed it, looked away, looked back and started to say, “What- I don’t want to know.” But he threw up his hands, shook his head and walked towards the front of the bus.

 

Once he was out of sight, Justin spoke from behind her. “Close the curtain will you please. The light’s blindin’ me.”

 

She did as he wished and laid there quietly. His arm was still around her. It was quiet for a while and then she heard him say in a gravely voice, “mornin’”

 

She squeaked out a “mornin’” back. Her mind was running a thousand miles a minute trying to figure out if this all meant something. Were they more than just friends now? Even though everything she had said to Justin the night before was true she didn’t tell him that she had never had a boyfriend, never been on an actual date and had no experience with romantic feelings and involvement with the opposite sex.

 

So now Justin probably thought she was some easy slut. That was probably the reason she was in his bed all intimately beside him. He probably thought he had an easy in now.

 

And he was probably right.

 

“Did you sleep ok?”

 

She tensed at his words and he noticed. His hand was rubbing up and down her side and when she tensed up his hand paused. What the hell had she gotten herself into? “Yeah, fine.”

 

“What’s wrong?” He whispered.

 

Hello! You are touching me, holding me like we’re practically married, we SLEPT together last night and you might share a bed with a different girl every night but it’s not something I normally do. So what’s wrong!? This is wrong mister Timberlake? US!? What the hell are we anyway! You tell me what’s wrong with the picture here?!

She sighed, “Nothing.”

 

“Sure?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Not a second later she felt his arm slide back around her fully and pull her against him. She felt his head nuzzle her shoulder and in a pathetic baby voice that made her want to gag he mumbled, “Mmmmkay. You’re all warm and snuggly.”

 

“Ok, stop!” She wiggled free and turned around so she was facing him, making the covers tangle around her and he was left there with only half of a sheet covering him from the waist down, one leg completely exposed, his whole top half bare and begging her to stare at it.

 

“What?”

 

He was wearing blue boxers with white stripes on them. She shook her head and moved her eyes up to his face. “Don’t pull that snuggle cute shit. I think I should get up and change.” She made a quick move to leave but both his arms secured around her waist and pulled her back.

 

“Noooo.”

 

“Why not?”

 

She looked over her shoulder and noticed how close he was to her. There was about 3 inches separating their lips. He smiled a cocky smile. “Because I like you here.”

 

Her eyes were fixated on his lips and the way he was smiling like he KNEW what he was doing. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

 

“When?”

 

“Last night when I fell asleep. You could have told me to go back in my own bunk.”

 

She moved her eyes back up to his eyes. They were smiling mischievously at her. He was up to something. “Like I said before, I like you here.” He was leaning in. She would swear all her money, which wasn’t much that he was leaning in, like he wanted to….

 

She had to put a stop to this non-sense. So she tried to wiggle free again, but she lost all the power in her muscles when his lips kissed the tip of her nose.

 

What was he doing to her? She swallowed hard and said, “Well I don’t like me here.” It was meant to be forceful and bitchy but the way she said it sounded more like someone hiding and afraid if they make any sound they would get caught.

 

“Oh, sorry. You can go.” She felt his arms leave her and all body contact with him disappeared. She was left there staring at him with wide eyes.

 

He stared back, “You gonna go or not?”

 

Her eyes narrowed. What a bastard! He cant go from being all touchy one minute to distant as hell the next. That just wasn’t FAIR! “Ugh, fine.”

 

She rolled out of the bunk and stood up, looking in at him with her eyes still narrowed. He smiled at her, fixed the covers around him and closed his eyes all in an arrogant manner that pissed her off more than she thought possible.

 

Her fist clinched and she took the curtain and slung it back in place as hard as she could. She wished they had doors so she could slam one.

 

Her legs carried her over to where Chris was eating a Pop tart and doing something with his cell phone. She plopped down on the couch across from him and crossed her arms over her chest, huffing and puffing and letting him know, and the world, that she was mad.

 

Oh, she was so mad.

 

Chris looked up and raised an eyebrow at her. “So um…”

 

“Shut up!” She snapped at him and then turned her head to stare outside at the road. She saw a sign that said “Detroit, 20 miles” and a sigh of relief came over her.

 

She made a mental note: Next time, ride on another bus, hell, walk for all it mattered. Just get away from Justin Timberlake.

 

-----

 

The shower felt good to her. It released some tension and made her muscles feel better after helping Rick unload at the venue earlier. They were in Detroit, her hometown, well actually she was from a little outskirt town that nobody had ever heard of, so she unwillingly claimed Detroit as her home.

 

Her and Rick were going out to an old punk club she use to go to all the time and she was so thankful. It would hopefully cure the shitty mood she had been in since the morning fiasco. One of Rick’s high school buddies was one of the managers of the place. According to Rick an up and coming hot band was playing. She couldn’t wait to go and chill and get her mind off everything.

 

Once out of the shower, she got ready to go. She did what Justin and probably the other guys would shit a brick if they saw her: she tried on outfits and put on makeup. She dried her hair to make sure it was bone straight. In a funky mood, she decided to put on some blue mascara, and green lipstick. It wasn’t bright green but it gave her lips a weird shine. Her legs adorned her normal way too big black pants that barely hung to her hips and her top was in a tight white tank with a black bra underneath. She put on lots of silver rings and black bracelets. She put on a chocker, looked herself over the in the mirror in the bathroom and smiled.

 

She was ready to party.

 

She opened the door to the bathroom and rolled her eyes when she saw Marie on the bed with her boyfriend. She didn’t mind rooming with Marie, she was the nicest of all the PR girls, but her boyfriend had flown up to see her and ever since she had walked in the door the two of them had been on the bed “watching” a movie while making out.

 

She wanted to just tell them she’d sleep in Rick’s room on the floor so they could have sex, but she figured she wouldn’t be there at all that night.

 

The only thing about it was they did look kind of cute, with his arms around her and Marie cuddled into his chest while they watched the movie. She noticed how Marie would look up and he’d instinctively lean down and kiss her.

 

She wanted that for once in her life. And of COURSE she thought about Justin. She was so relieved to have a night without being near him. It would do her body and mind some good.

 

Kristen grabbed her wallet and slid it in her back pocket waving shyly at the couple. “Later guys. Have fun. I probably wont be back till REAL late.”

 

Marie smiled genuinely. “Ok bye girly have fun! You look cute.”

 

Her boyfriend gave her the rock sign and said, “Rock out!!”

 

She giggled a little and turned to walk out the door. “See ya”

 

She got to Rick’s room without a problem, but was met with a big problem once she got there. Rick was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette with someone else and there on the bed was her worst nightmare.

 

JC was laying back on one of the beds on the cell phone dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and weird jacket, but on the other bed was her worst enemy.

 

And dammit he looked fine.

 

He had on jeans as well and a white t-shirt with red edges on the sleeves and around the neck. It had a picture of sloth from the Goonies imprinted on the shirt. A trucker hat was perched on his head. She hated his outfit because she LOVED the Goonies and it was totally unfair that HE had to have a cool shirt like that. She hated the fact he was in the room because he had to see her dressed up and he would probably make some smart ass comment.

 

“Hey Kris, Justin and C are gonna go with us, is that cool?”

What? Oh, FUCK no!

 

And she HATED that he was barging in on her night away. How the hell was she supposed to clear her mind and start working on getting off her little crush if he was at the same club she was? The night was going down hill fast.

 

“Damn…”

 

She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. He didn’t have any right to talk to her. “What?!”

 

“You look hot.”

 

She stared at him until Rick came in the room sliding the glass door half way behind him. She looked at him and started waving her arms around pointing at Justin. “I don’t wanna go anymore. I’d rather sit and watch Marie and her boyfriend fuck all night than go to OUR club with HIM!”

 

He stood up from where he was sitting on the bed and put up an innocent front. “What’d I do to you!?”

 

She closed her eyes and stomped her foot. “SHUT UP!”

 

JC chuckled and mumbled that he’d be waiting outside and then left the room. Rick pulled on her arms and looked down at her like she was a toddler. “Ok, kids, chill. You’re coming whether you like it or not!”

 

She pried from his grasp and sat down on the bed and crossed her arms trying to be as defiant as possible and trying not to let the fact that Justin was leaning up against the wall, staring at her unbelievingly, effect her. “You cant make me. Yall have a fun night but I’m NOT going.”

 

Rick sat down beside her and put his arm around her. “It’s Cake.”

 

She shrugged him off. “What’s Cake? What the hell are you talking about Rick!?”

 

His voice was very calm compared to her snappy attitude. “The band. It’s not a new band. Well the one opening up is, but Cake is playing. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

 

She pushed him away and stood up and went to the other bed. “That’s bullshit! They just got off their tour. They aren’t doing anymore shows for a long ass time. I know this stuff! I’m their biggest fuckin fan. Don’t you try and bribe me with them Rick! That’s shameless!”

 

“I’m not lying.”

 

“Yes you are.”

 

He put up his hands in defense and sighed. “Fine, miss out on your favorite band. We gotta go though because it’s getting late and I don’t wanna miss them.”

 

“Fine.” Rick left and she didn’t even look up. She knew he was still here staring at her.

 

His voice was very worried and quiet. “What’d I do?”

 

“You stole MY night.”

 

“I did? I just wanted to go out and do something different.”

 

She fell back on the bed and flipped him off. “Then go! Have fun! Leave me alone!”

 

The next thing she heard was the glass door sliding and the smell of smoke coming more into the room. She looked up and saw one of the roadies walking through the room. He waved at her and kept walking. Justin had disappeared.

 

Brent was almost at the door when she called out, “Hey Brent?”

 

He turned and looked at her, “What sweetie?”

 

“Who’s playin tonight?”

 

“Uh, a local band called the Tree Killers…”

 

She smiled knowingly and sighed. “Thank you so mcuh.”

 

But then his eyes widened excitedly. “And then CAKE’s playing! Don’t you like them? Aren’t you coming?”

 

Her smile dropped and she stared at him hard, trying to see if she could detect any hint of falsity in him. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Shit.” He was telling the truth. With a deep breath she pushed herself off the bed and followed him out the room.

 

She couldn’t sacrifice Cake for a night without Justin. She’d go, get lost in the crowd and hopefully be able to forget him for a night.

 

So far it was looking hopeless.

Chapter 12

 

He watched from a distance as she danced and sang and drank and drank and drank. He and JC had perched themselves in the corner, out of the way, trying not to cause too much notice. He didn’t think he’d have a problem in a place like this with being mobbed or something, but he still felt uncomfortable. This wasn’t his type of place, wasn’t his type of music, and the only reason he had agreed to come was because he wanted to spend some more time with Kristen. She hadn’t said a word to him on the drive there and once she had entered she had disappeared only to reemerge in the center of the front line of people standing in front of the small stage.

 

He drank his beer silently as JC and Brent talked. Rick had come back every now and then, often saying he had to deliver a drink to Kristen. He had never seen her drunk and wondered if her wall would crumble a little or if she would become even more of a psycho bitch.

 

He wouldn’t admit it but his feelings had been hurt that evening when she said she didn’t want to go because he was going to be there. He was trying his best to patch things up after he kissed her and he thought he had made progress the night before. And then he had gotten cocky and had ruined it that morning.

 

Britney was a lot easier to work with and figure out. With Kristen he just kept crashing.

 

He was so fucking intrigued by her it was scary. She seemed more comfortable in the crowd of people than he had ever seen her. Maybe it was all the alcohol she had in her system but she was dancing, and singing and not caring about anything but having a good time.

 

“Havin a good time?”

 

Justin looked over and saw Rick had sat down at the table and was drinking a beer. He rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Blast.”

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Nothin’.”

 

Rick set down his beer and crossed his arms over his chest, staring Justin down and making him feel two inches high. “Listen, what’s goin on with you two?”

 

He knew this was coming sometime. He played naïve. “What do you mean?”

 

“Don’t bull shit me man. We all know Kristen has a crush on you, but you aren’t helping much leading her on. Either you like her or you don’t. I don’t want her to be hurt more than she already has ok? And you might get hurt too, ya know.”

 

“I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

 

“Look, I know she’s a bitch at times and can have an attitude so thick you don’t even wanna deal with her. But she’s a good girl, a nice girl, she’s fun. I’m not her brother so it’s not my job to scare you into not liking her. If you do that’s great. I think it would be sweet for yall to hook up…”

 

He was tired of hearing all this. He didn’t know what the hell was going on between him and Kristen and sure as hell didn’t want her practically adopted brother tell her. “Rick just shut up.”

 

“All I’m saying is be careful. You might hurt her, but I have a feeling she can hurt you a hell of a lot worse. Especially since you’ve only been single about a month.”

 

His eyes cut sharp to Rick. He was getting pissed off. “I’m not on the rebound.”

 

“Make sure she knows that.”

 

He drowned his beer in one chug and moved to get up. “I need another beer.”

 

He walked through the mass of people over to the bar and waited to get through the people surrounding it to get the attention of a bartender.

 

It was while he was standing there waiting when he saw her dancing towards the bar by herself. He figured he could buy her a drink and maybe that would be a good way to start things off. He walked over to her and said over the loud music, “Hey.”

 

“Heyyyyy JT!” Her eyes were wide and her voice slurred. He knew when she wrapped her arms around him that she was drunk as hell. The room was hot and the moisture in the room has made her white tank partially see through and he could see her black bra even more than before. Her pants were so low, the lower portion on of stomach was exposed. Her lips were tempting even with that green tint and her eyes were shining at him.

 

She looked good.

 

“Hey, you havin’ fun?”

 

She squeezed him one more time in their hug and then pulled away, looking up at him and smiling. “Mmmhmmm. I’m gonna get me not-der drink.”

 

“You’ve had a lot already sweetie.”

 

She buried her face in his chest and he tried to ignore the fact that she fit really well against him. “I just want oneeeee moreee.”

 

“Why don’t we go and talk somewhere?”

 

She pulled away excitedly pulling on his hand and bobbing up and down. “Why don’t we go DANCE and SING! OOO I love this song. Come on.”

 

He sighed. He wanted to go somewhere and talk to her. He thought he might get some honest answers out of her, now that she was intoxicated. “Kristen…”

 

“Come ON!”

 

She pulled on his arm until he followed her. His hand was in hers and again he ignored how well it fit in his. He also ignored how cute she looked and how good the hug felt and how his hormones had been out of control ever since the night before. She stopped and so did he. He watched her as she sang and dance in front of him. “She doesn’t careee whether or not he’s an islandddd. He he he, what silly?! DANCE!”

 

“I don’t know how to dance to music like this.”

 

She took his wrist and moved his arms around, still singing. “Just move!! They laugh they make money, he’s got a gold watch, she’s got a silk dress and healthy breasts that bounce on his Italiannnn leatherrrr sofffffaaaa, he he he”

 

He tried to ignore that she had just grabbed her breasts, but that was something he just couldn’t do. He was using all his power to keep from ravaging her at that point. He had come to get closer to her and actually talk things out. But now he just wanted her.

 

“And you say I don’t believe you’re sexual.”

 

She yelled over the loud music, “What’d you say?”

 

He shook his head and yelled back. “Nothin’.”

 

He didn’t know how the hell to dance to this music. It was almost all over the place and the way everyone else was dancing wasn’t something he would do in public. So he just stood there moving his shoulders and hips a little. She grabbed his hands and started dancing with him. She turned her back to him and leaned on him as she started to sway her hips. Her hips met his and she started to grind into him.

 

His eyes widened. It wasn’t booty dancing like he was use to but it was close enough.

 

She was way passed drunk and he needed to stop her before he couldn’t stop himself.

 

He grabbed her hips to stop her movements and lowered his mouth to her ear so she could hear him clearly. “Kristen, I really think we should go somewhere and sit and relax and listen.”

 

She turned around and put her hands on his chest whining and of course still singing, “But I wanna danceeeeee! She doesn’t care whether or nottt he’s an islandddd…”

 

“You can dance. Look there’s a place over there opening up. Please.”

 

She sighed and he felt her hand slide down his arm to his hand where she locked her fingers with his. “Ohhhh kayyy.”

 

He almost liked the drunk Kristen better. She was a hell of a lot more friendly and had yet to yell or complain or get mad at him. And she was actually touching him, holding him; he liked that.

 

They made it over to the side wall. It was lined with a booth type seat. He sat down and she plopped down right beside him, halfway falling on him. “He he he, oh SHIT! This is my song!!!”

 

She leaned against him and put her head on his chest. He was forced to put his arm around her. “Sing it to me.”

 

She looked up at him and with closed eyes and a bright smile she sang to him. He just listened. “When she walks she swings her arms! Instead of her hips! When she talks she moves her mouth instead of her lips and I’ve waited for her for so long. I’ve waited for her for so long. I’ve wondered if I could hang on. I wonder if I could hang on. Yeah, let me go she said, let me go she said, let me go and I will want you more! Let me gooooooooo. He he he he. I want you.”

 

For a second he wasn’t sure he had heard her right. He stumbled and felt all the blood rush to one particular part of his body. He had only had two beers so far that evening so nothing else was affecting his hearing. “W- what?”

 

She giggled a seductive laugh and rubbed against him a little, pushing her head into his shoulder. “Nuffffin’.”

 

“You’re being bad.”

 

She looked up and licked her lips. Then in a tempting, low feminine voice, growled at him. “Punish me big daddy!” She then proceeded to stand up, turn her back to him, look over her shoulder and then smack her ass, all before falling into a fit of laughter.

 

He couldn’t take this anymore. She was affecting him way too much. He tried to tell himself that she was just drunk, but the male part of him was starting to overpower his senses. He pulled on her arm and said in a fatherly tone, “Sit down.”

 

“Kay.” She plopped down in his lap and wiggled a little, but finally she stopped. He thanked God and then wrapped his arms around her, only because he wanted to keep her still.

 

She turned her head a little and breathed deeply, sighing, “mmmm you smell good.”

 

“You’ve had too much to drink girl.” He said it partially to make her realize she was acting way too flirty, but mainly to hear him say it to himself out loud so maybe he would have some moral thought poked back into him.

 

She turned sideways in his lap and locked her arms around his neck. She looked him in the eyes and tilted her head, pouting. “I knowwww. I just wanted to forget that you kissed me and didn’t know it was me and didn’t like me like I like you.”

 

He shook his head and rubbed her back a little. “You don’t know that. I like you.”

 

She pouted even more and bowed her head. “No you don’t. You just like me as a friend. You just want some ass. And now that you heard I got drunk and had sex with that guy I didn’t really know and stuff you probably think I’m a big slut.”

 

He couldn’t believe she would think that of him. All his horney thoughts, well at least most of them, faded away and he really felt bad for this girl. He hoped she didn’t think bad of herself for what had happened. His hand moved her cheek so that she was looking up at him. “No I don’t.”

 

She smiled and bit her lip. “Do you think you’re gonna get some tonight? Cause I’m horney. You might be able to take advantage of me.”

 

He took a deep breath trying to forget that she had just told him she was horney. “Kristen, don’t talk like that. I wouldn’t take advantage of you. I’m better than that.”

 

“But what if I want you to take advantage of me. Does that make me a bad person?”

 

It was the way she looked directly in his eyes and had asked it so sincerely that made gulp. She wanted him. Yes, she was drunk, but she wanted him. And he could have her. He tried his best to remind both of them this wasn’t how they wanted their relationship to be. “Y- you’re just drunk.”

 

“Kiss me.”

 

She leaned in, and he took all his strength and forced himself to turn his head. He brought his hands to her face and pulled her back a little. “No, no, Kristen, stop it honey.”

 

He could see she was now getting choked up. Her eyes watered and her voice began to shake. “Wh- why don’t you like me Justin? Am- am I not pretty enough?”

 

He sighed and did the only thing he knew how to calm her down. He brought his arms around her and secured her into his chest, running a free hand through her hair as she sniffled against his shoulder. “God girl. Stop this. I DO like you. But you are VERY drunk and I don’t wanna do anything when you might not remember it or might not be using your best judgment.”

 

It was quiet for a moment and then she randomly asked, “Am I a good kisser? You are. You’re a realllllly good kisser.”

 

He tried not to remember the kiss they had shared the other night, but he couldn’t help it. It haunted him and he kept thinking about how he wanted to do it again.

 

But not like this. Not again. He wanted a real kiss next time. One without any substances affecting them. “T-thanks. And yes, you’re an excellent kisser.” He felt things start to stir a little more down below as she shifted against him, so he made a quick move to get off the kissing subject. “So um, how are you liking this?”

 

“It’s fun.”

 

“Yeah. They aren’t that bad.”

 

She pulled away and said in a gleeful childish voice, “They’re AWESOME!”

 

He figured getting her off his lap was the next step to ensure he didn’t do anything ridiculously stupid that night, so he smiled at her and asked, “You wanna go dance some more?”

 

She nodded and hopped off his lap, once again grabbing his hand and pulling him to floor.

 

--------

Late

 

He leaned against the wall of the elevator and she leaned right beside him, her head on his shoulder. JC had left with Brent near the end of the concert to go somewhere else, so it was just them and Rick. They landed on Rick’s floor and he came over and hugged Kristen. “Bye sweetie. You rock.”

 

“Thank you for my surprise Ricky.” Her voice still had that babiness about it that he had never heard before that night.

 

“You’re welcome.” He touched his finger to her nose and turned to leave.

 

Justin cleared his throat and called after Rick, “I’ll make sure she gets in ok.”

 

He was half expecting Rick to give him a look that said “touch her and you die” but he didn’t. He just nodded with a far off smile. “Alright.”

 

Once the doors closed, Kristen hugged herself to him. He just sighed. She had been that way all evening and he didn’t mind, but it hurt that it took alcohol to make her this way. The elevator dinged on her floor and she clutched him tighter. “Nooooo. I wanna sleep with you.”

 

“Kristen that’s not a good idea, honey.”

 

She looked up at him and pleaded. “Just like we did last night. Please. I just want to be all snuggly.” The doors closed on her floor and he just stood there with her clinging to him.

 

The elevator opened on his floor and he pushed her a little to get her off him so they could walk. He thought it was probably the stupidest thing he had ever done to let her come and sleep in his bed after she was in this type of state. But he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to sleep just like they did the night before as well. “You’re so much different when you’re drunk.”

 

Her eyes were wide as they left the elevator. “Is that bad?”

 

“It’s weird.”

 

She pouted and bowed her head for the 50th time that night it seemed. “I’m sorry.”

 

He smiled at her and took her hand, starting to walk towards his room. “Don’t be. Come on.”

 

“YAY!!”

 

He looked back at her and hushed her with a smile, “shhh.”

 

“ssssshhhhhhhhhhhh,” she mocked in giggled

 

His eyes rolled at her drunken antics and he sighed as they reached his door, “why am I doin’ this?”

 

“I- I’m sorry.”

 

It was about the 100th time she had said she was sorry and it was getting on his nerves. “Stop it. I just, I’m gonna have to have a lot of restraint.” He unlocked the door with the plastic card key and held the door open for her.

 

“What do you mean?” She walked in and looked around the room.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want a t- shirt and some boxers to sleep in or something?”

 

She plopped down on the bed and sat there. “Okie Dokie.”

 

“Alright.” He went to look through his bag and tried to forget that she was there, on his bed, willing, cute, beautiful, wanting him. He found her a t- shirt and some boxers and handed them to her. She quickly went to the bathroom and he had just finished getting out of his clothes when she shuffled out.

 

He stared at her in his clothes, them swallowing her tiny body up. “D- damn…” By the time the night was over he might have to resort to castrating himself so he wouldn’t do anything to her. That thought in its self helped him calm down little.

 

“What?”

 

He shook his head and got in bed. “N- nothing.” She stood there staring at him a little bit until finally he patted the space beside him and she walked over and crawled in beside him. She fluffed her pillow and laid on her side, not touching him, but just looking at him. He smiled, “comfy?”

 

She smiled back and reached over him and curled up to his body, laying her head on his cotton-clad chest and having her arm reach over his torso. “Mmmm now I am.”

 

He laid there for a while unable to move and not really knowing what he should do. Finally, he got enough courage to wrap a arm around her back and take her hand laying on his side in his. He cleared his throat and whispered to her, “Kristen, I… I do like you.”

 

“As a friend or more?”

 

“A little more.”

 

She looked up at him and her eyes were wide and bright and hopeful. “Realllly?”

 

He nodded and sighed, “But I just, I’m still getting to know you. And I don’t want you to think I’m on the rebound. Because I like you as a person. I cant explain it but I do.”

 

“I like you as a person too.”

 

“I just, you have all these walls put up. You need to let me in sometime ok? I know you did when you told me but you were so indifferent. It’s ok to be emotional about things. And it’s ok to talk about things. Just don’t push me away ok?”

 

She nodded and looked him dead in the eyes, “I just don’t wanna get hurt.”

 

He closed his eyes. Those words hit him hard and he fought himself to not get too emotional in front of her. He started thinking about how much Britney had hurt him.

 

It clicked then. He wasn’t on the rebound. If he was he wouldn’t care and he wouldn’t be so cautious. But he was, and he had dismissed every other girl. But with Kristen he was scared. He finally figured it out. He was scared. All the other girls that had asked him out hadn’t mattered. But Kristen mattered.

 

And he was terrified that he might loose her, and he’d be left alone again and hurt. He tired his best to talk, but it only came as a hoarse whisper, “I don’t either.”

 

She pouted and looked down at him, running her hand over his chest. “You’re wearing a shirt.”

 

He half laughed, wishing she would stop touching him like that but happy that she had changed the subject. “Restraint remember?”

 

She looked up with a smile. “Can I kiss you?”

 

He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but this wasn’t the time. She was drunk and he was still trying to get over the whole not wanting to be hurt comment. But he wasn’t completely un-human and part of him was starting to act up again. They were in bed together and if anything else remotely sexual happened, he was afraid he might burst. “Kristen I don’t-“

 

But it was too late. She had leaned forward and kissed him, holding the side of his head so he wouldn’t move. Her actions were shy at first, just pressing her lips to his and then when he responded to her touch by holding on her back and keeping her against him, her mouth opened against his and she kissed him more deeply.

 

He thought he had died and gone to heaven. Besides the fact that she tasted like alcohol, her lips fit his perfectly. They let him manipulate them and completely did was his wanted hers to. She wasn’t too sloppy with her tongue but played with it just enough to tease him in all the right ways.

 

And then she pulled away. She pulled away biting her lip in a smile and then tucking her head under his neck, wiggling a little to get comfortable and then sighing, “mmm night JT.”

 

He stared at the ceiling for the longest time, trying to figure out what the hell had had just happened. She had kissed him and he had enjoyed it almost more than any kiss he had…ever. Maybe it was because he use to be use to kisses whenever he would see Britney, and now for more than a month he hadn’t had one, he hadn’t had anything romantic or sexual pushed in his way, or at least not wanted anyway. He had plenty sexual things pushed in his way, but none with the feelings like he had with Kristen. He liked her, he wanted to see where they were going, but he didn’t know how that was going to happen. Not when she was defensive and had walls up 99% of the time. She was going to have to let him in, somehow. And he was going to have to let his own guard down, and not be so scared of having his heart ripped out again.

 

He squeaked out a stuttered, “n- night” and then laid there for what seemed like centuries, trying to figure out what the hell had happened that night, but more importantly, what would happen the next morning.

 

What would happen when she wasn’t drunk anymore?

Chapter 13

 

She woke up and was afraid to open her eyes. She knew the instant she woke up she had a hangover. And the instant she woke up, she remembered everything she had said, done, and felt the night before. She had totally acted like a slut.

 

But when she thought back, she thought she was acting without any walls, without any defenses. She was drunk, but she was doing what she wanted.

 

She squinted open her eyes and thanked God no lights were on. Her head started to throb. She closed her eyes again and moved to stretch.

 

She heard his groan and almost wanted to groan herself. What the hell had she done last night? She rolled over on her side away from him and curled up.

 

“You up?”

 

She mumbled an “unfortunately” at him. She felt his body curl up to hers and spoon her.

 

She started to smile.

 

Why the fuck am I smiling? She felt horrible. His breath tickled her earlobe as he whispered, “want me to go get you some Advil?”

 

“Sure.” Moments later, she was still laying there with her eyes closed, when she felt the weight of the bed shift. She rolled over and squinted her eyes at him. She made out a grin and two hands: One offering drugs and the other offering something to wash it down.

 

“Thanks.”

 

She set up a little so she could drink down the Advil with water and then placed the glass on the counter, praying she hadn’t drank enough to make her throw up. She leaned back down and closed her eyes. “You’re welcome. How bad is it?”

 

She opened her eyes a little bit and saw him sitting on the bed looking down at her sincerely. He looked way too good for him to just have woken up. She bet she looked horrible. “Bad, but not horrible. At least I remember everything. I did kiss you before we went to bed didn’t I?”

 

He looked down and smiled at the mattress. She smiled back, that meant he liked it. “Y- yeah…”

 

She thought back on the night and then groaned at her memory. She sighed, “And I did smack my ass at some point?”

 

“Yes, he he he.”

 

Her eyes were now adjusted to the dim light enough that she could keep them open for longer amounts of time. She liked how he was biting his lip, crawling more on the bed to find a comfortable place to lie. “Sorry about both of those.”

 

He winked at her. Normally she would smack him for being so damn cheesy at whatever time it was in the morning, but the way his arms had bent behind his head had raised his shirt and she could see a bit of his abs and a fine line of hair that led below. So she was a little distracted. “Don’t be.”

 

She rolled over on her side and looked up at him. She wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer she would get. Finally her need to know if she was remembering correctly beat out her fear and she squeaked out, “A- and you did say you liked me?”

 

“Mmmhmmm.” She felt hands pull on her until she found herself curled up to his body, which was warm and solid against her. It didn’t take her long to find the right place to rest her head and the perfect place to let her hand sit. He felt good. She felt good with him. She felt protected and almost cherished. Wanted. Something she had never really felt from another person before.

 

No one had ever wanted her around much, or at least that’s what she had experienced; and if they did want her around they sure as hell didn’t show it to her. Now she was here with one of THE most wanted men in America, with his arm around her, and his hand running up and down her arm, holding her like she meant something. For once, she meant something.

 

She sighed and asked, “So what now?”

 

His voice was still gravely from the nights rest. “What do you mean?”

 

She propped her head up with her hand, her elbow bent beside his head. “What do we do now?”

 

He moaned a little and then in a sleepy voice with a smiled, said, “Go back to sleep.”

 

She hit as his chest and sighed frustrated, “No I wanna talk this out. I’m fuckin’ tired of being dragged around and shit. Are we dating now or something?”

 

“I don’t know. What do you call it?” He shrugged.

 

She sighed again and scooted down so she could bend her arms over his upper half and rest her chin on her knuckles, looking up at him. She looked off to the side like she was thinking. “Well in high school there were stages. First you were talking, which meant exactly that. You talked, you got to know each other, maybe went out on 1 or 2 dates. Dating came next, that was lots of consecutive dates, kissing of course. Next was going out, dates, make out sessions, possible sex.”

 

“Well lets go out so we can fuck.” He tried to be as serious as possible but no more than 2 seconds after he said it his resolve broke and a bright smile and a quiet chuckle emitted.

 

She pursed her lips and gave him a bored look. “Why do you do that?”

 

He shook his head and yawned. “I don’t know. I probably should stop.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

It was a quiet a while and she could tell he was doing some major thinking. He took a deep breath and let it out saying, “Well we got the kissin’ thing down.”

 

“So I guess you need to take me out.”

 

His eyes moved to hers and he half-smiled. “Where do you wanna go out?”

 

Her chin started to hurt from moving against her knuckles so she put her hands on his shoulders and laid her cheek on the center of his chest. It was one of the first times she had ever been close to a guy. Yeah she had had sex before and been picked up, in the literal sense, by almost every guy that worked on the tour, with her being so small and all, but this was the first time she had really been in an intimate setting, a romantic position. She didn’t really know what to make of it all. “I don’t know. I’m not into fancy restaurants.”

 

“Or dance clubs.”

 

At least he knew her well. “Hell no.”

 

“Picnics?”

 

She’d like to see herself with a big basket, eating sandwiches on a blanket with Justin. She almost started to laugh. “Cheesy.”

 

“Movies?”

 

She felt his hand on her back and when he started to scratch it a little she knew this was something she could get use to. “There aren’t any out I wanna see.”

 

“We could always rent Crossroads.”

 

Her eyes opened and she pinched his shoulder. “We could always cut your testicles off.”

 

“You’re obsessed with testicles and cutting.”

 

She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes. “It’s a hobby.”

 

His voice deadpanned, “I’m scared.”

 

“You should be.”

 

It was quiet for a while and she listened to him breathe and his heart beat, surprised at how content she was in that moment. Minutes later his voice, and the fact that she could feel his chest vibrate when he spoke startled her. “Hmmm…how about….I got it!”

 

“What?”

 

“Cant tell.”

 

She looked up at him and pouted, enjoying how he started smiling at her with a gleam in his eyes. “TELLLLLL.”

 

“No.”

 

“Fine I don’t wanna go anyway.” She rolled off him and moved herself all the way on her side almost falling off the edge of the bed.

 

He didn’t even pay attention to her antics and said, “I get the day off tomorrow. Wanna do it then?”

 

She kept up the pissed-off attitude, hoping that he’d touch her or kiss her or something and try and win her back over, even though she really wasn’t mad. “Ask me properly Mister Timberlake!”

 

She heard him scoot over and felt him turn her on her back so she was looking up at him as he leaned over her. “Kristen, darling, goddess…”

 

She interrupted him and gave him a bored look. “Cut the crap.”

 

He smiled and laughed a little nervously before he looked away, bit his lip and asked, “…will you go out on a date with me tomorrow?”

 

“I guess.”

 

He looked back at her and rolled his eyes. “Don’t you even try and play it off.”

 

He stared at her and she narrowed her eyes back at him. Finally she asked, “Are you sure about this?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You do realize we are complete opposites.”

 

He smiled and tickled her sides, making her squirm away. “Don’t make me sing that Paula Abdul song.”

 

She turned up her nose but couldn’t fight the smile that emerged on her face. “As long as its not that “gone” shit.”

 

His smile disappeared and he rolled away from her and got out of bed. He put on a dramatic display making her giggle. His hands waved about and he put on a serious face. “We are not going out now. I retract my offer.”

 

She smiled at him as he walked towards the bathroom. “Good. I really didn’t wanna go anyway.”

 

He went in the bathroom and came back with her clothes she had left on the floor and threw them at her. “Fine.”

 

She laughed and started putting on her clothes from the night before after he shut the bathroom door. She liked this play fighting they had, and she liked him paying attention to her and holding her, and asking her out on a date. She thought hard about what it was he could have planned for her and a million possibilities crossed her mind but they either seemed too un-Justin or too un-Kristen.

 

It was after she had changed and he had reemerged and sprawled out on the bed, watching espn with her head on his chest, when she looked at the TV and then back at him and asked, “It doesn’t have anything to do with sports does it.”

 

He smiled, “why?”

 

“Because I don’t know much about sports.”

 

A piece of hair fell forward and after she tired to blow it out of the way he reached up and tucked it behind her ear for her, “Do you ever watch any?”

 

A blush of red came over her face. She didn’t believe she was about to tell him about her hidden sports addiction, “Promise you wont tell…”

 

He licked his lips and she thought about kissing him. A half smile appeared on his face. “Maybe.”

 

She had seen him spend a hour and half playing with one of the putting practice toys they had, so figured he might not pick on her too much. She duck her head in his chest and her voice came out muffled. “I have a crush on Tiger Woods.”

 

“OH MY GOD I DO TOO!” His loud excited voice made the hairs on her neck stand up and when she looked up at him he was staring at her with wide eyes and a bright smile, looking like she had just told a 8 year old she was best friends with Mickey mouse.

 

She looked at him hard, realizing he had just said he had a crush on Tiger Woods. “um….”

 

When she burst out laughing a pinkness came to his cheeks and in a soft voice he said, “I was kidding.”

 

She nodded and gave him a sarcastic believing look. “Right.”

 

“No really, I wanna be him. I LOVE golf.”

 

She nodded and leaned her head back on his chest. “I like watching golf. It’s sorta relaxing….it’s not putt putt is it?” She asked thinking that might be the date.

 

“No, but it can be.”

 

She looked up at him with a smile, “That’ll be date number two.”

 

His eyebrows raised and he tucked that same stubborn piece of hair behind her ear again. “Oh so there’s already number two eh?”

 

She narrowed her eyes a little and turned her head back on his chest. “We’ll see.”

 

His voice was one of disgust, “Ugh, you’re so annoying.” But he didn’t push her away. Instead he sighed and wrapped his arms around her, resituating her closer to him. She hadn’t realized until after spending that morning with him how much she really enjoyed this dating thing, or whatever it was they were doing.

 

She liked having someone there to pay attention to her. She liked having someone to hold her and to hold on to. And she liked just having someone around.

 

She started smiling and tried to stop but couldn’t find a way to do so. She was happy. And for the first time in a long long time she had something to look forward to.

 

------------------

 

He had wanted to kiss her so bad. It would have the most perfect opportunity but he didn’t know if she wanted him to or not. He could have done it without her protesting, well until after it had happened, but she couldn’t have stopped him from kissing her, again.

 

They had gotten through the last day fairly normal. She had left his room the morning before around 12 to go shower and change and then he didn’t see her again until that evening when she was sprawled on the couch, watching Chris play the Tiger Woods video game they had. When he came in he noticed her smile for him and then watched as she buried her face in the couch, obviously trying not to let Chris realize she was flirting with Justin. Somehow he managed to get Chris out of the room and walked over to Kristen on the couch and asked her to move a little so he could sit down. When she had started to move away he pulled her so her head was resting on her lap. He played the game while she was lying quietly against him. They made a few comments about Tiger Woods and golf and she asked him some more about their date, but mostly it was quiet.

 

He kept thinking about her head lying in his lap and prayed to god that the slight arousal he had after being physically close to someone the past two nights wouldn’t go noticed.

 

They had gone on and he’d done the show and when he had got on the bus James had told him that Kristen had rode back to the hotel with Rick because she wasn’t feeling well. He had gone to check on her when he got back, but he met Marie and her boyfriend coming out of the room and Marie said that Kristen was fast asleep. He didn’t want to bother her so he disappointedly went back to his room and watched TV until he fell asleep himself.

 

She had shown up at his door at 11 that morning. She had a smile on her face and didn’t look like she was sick so he was thankful. He knew she felt fine when she started bugging him like a 5 year old about what he had in store for her. But he had other plans. They got out of the hotel and into one of their SUV’s and as soon as they got there and started to pull away he looked at her, wiggled his eyebrows and showed her a long piece of narrow cloth. She had immediately gave him a crazy look but he somehow convinced her to let him blindfold her. He watched the smile on her face grow as he tied it and asked her if it was too tight.

 

It was then when he wanted to kiss her. He thought about it for several minutes and even after he decided not to, he thought about sliding over in the backseat and just going for it.

 

But his nerves took over. It had been a long time since he had been nervous on a date, it had been a long time since he had been on a date period. So he just sat on his side and watched her as she sat there, arms crossed, clearly trying to give him one of her mock “pissed-off” moods so he’d give in and tell her.

 

About 25 minutes later they arrived at their destination. He knew she was getting restless. Her head was leaning against the glass and her mouth was a little slack. He had to wonder if she had fallen asleep, but when the car stopped she looked over at him and said “are we there!?” as giddy as a kid going to grandmas.

 

“Yeah, hold on though.”

 

He got out of the car and walked over to her side, giving Mike a chipper look. Mike just shrugged. He got to her side of the car and helped her out and when he got her where he wanted he leaned down and whispered in her ear “surprise” before undoing the blindfold and staring at her, waiting for her reaction.

 

Her eyes adjusted to the sunlight at first and then he watched a blank look come over her features. A smile started to form and he swore he saw her eyes water. He didn’t want her to cry, but the smile over took any doubt he had.

 

“T-the zoo?”

 

He bit his lip and watched her. “Do you like it?”

 

Her head shook and laughed quietly, “You don’t understand. The zoo is like my favorite place ever in the whole entire world. When I was little I wanted to work here. Me and Daddy use to come here all the time.”

 

He felt the air rush out of his lungs. He didn’t mean to bring up past shit. “I-I’m sorry.”

 

She turned to him and hugged him, tightly. The gesture was unexpected and it took a while for it to register that he should put his arms around her. He smiled and then narrowed his eyes when he saw Mike giving him a curious look. She pulled away and looked up at him, “No no no, it’s perfect. Come on!”

 

She felt her grab his hand and before he knew it, she had drug him to the entrance.

Chapter 14

 

“It’s not funny.”

 

“Right.”

 

“It’s not!” He cut his eyes over to his bodyguard that was standing in front of them in the elevator, his shoulders shaking with chuckles.

 

Justin pushed him, but he didn’t move. “Shut up Mike.”

 

Mike didn’t turn around. Instead he shrugged. “Hey, I’m not the one who said it.”

 

“I didn’t say anything! She did it!”

 

Kristen sobered herself up enough to put her hands up in defense. “I didn’t do ANYTHING! I was just trying to hold your hand Justin!”

 

He narrowed his cold blue eyes at her and then rolled them. “Oh sure! Then why were you like…just UGH!”

 

The doors opened and Mike turned around, holding his hand on the “door open button.” He got close to Justin and loomed over him. “Calm down son! It’s not like it caused a riot and all you had to do was write two autographs and its not like the lady called the damn zoo police and have them kick you out for saying the F word.”

 

Feeling like he was being lectured he opened his hands to the sky and tried to give Mike a non-guilty, “I cant believe this is happening” look. “I wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t scare me!”

 

Kristen sighed but he knew she was just putting on a front. He knew what she had done. It was intentional. She was evil, no matter what she said. “I wasn’t TRYING TO!”

 

“Oh, I know what you look like when you are up to something. You’re going down one day!” He backed her into the corner and pointed his finger at her, trying not to smile through his frown.

 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before she duck under his arm and walked out of the elevator, followed by Mike. “Ok Justin. Go stomp off and call your mom.”

 

He walked behind them, slowly. “The date was perfect and then YOU had to go and ruin it.”

 

She stopped, turned around and gave a very good performance of being hurt. “Well thanks. I guess we wont be going to play putt putt after all.” For a second he thought she was being serious, so he licked his lips. It was a intentional cocky maneuver and when he saw her eyes shift down a smidge and one little corner of her mouth twitch up he knew she wasn’t mad.

 

He had watched her a lot that day: it was his main purpose for taking her to the zoo. He wanted to see her reaction to situations, things, other people. He wanted to see how she would act away from the normal crowd; when it was just her and him, well Mike, too, but he did a good job of staying out of the way. He was amazed to find how her barriers crumbled. Sure they picked on each other and tried their best to annoy one another, but they also talked. They had real conversations about an array of things, without trying to make fun or get under the other’s skin. He got to know her, got to hear stories about when she was little and got to tell her things about himself and his family and life back in Memphis.

 

It was refreshing. Most people wanted to know about the celebrity Justin. She didn’t really give a damn about that. He found himself wondering how the hell he got to be the lucky one to see the real side of Kristen: The Kristen that knew how to have fun and get excited and not care if anyone saw her in a state totally different from her cool, take no shit, whatever attitude.

 

But he still liked the frisky Kristen. He still liked getting under her skin and teasing her and pissing her off. She was beautiful and cute at the zoo. But now, she was feisty and that made her sexy.

 

JC walked by at that moment and sighed. “What are you guys fighting about now?”

 

“Nothing.” Justin said, hoping she wouldn’t rat on him. What had happened that day was funny, but quite embarrassing for a guy like him. He really didn’t want anyone else to know he had acted like a little girl.

 

Kristen smiled innocently at JC, motioning towards Justin. “Oh, see. We were in the reptile section of the zoo and ya know how those places are like indoors and really dark. Well me and Justin were watching them feed this cobra, or something, and it was really pissed and like snapping at the rat and stuff. And I honestly got scared and wanted big ole Justin to hold my-“

 

He jumped in. “You wanted to scare me.”

 

He could tell Josh was holding back his laughter already. “What’d you do?”

 

Kristen’s eyes went wide and her voice was probably the fakest he had ever heard. She was lying out of her teeth. “I just really gently tried to hold his hand but instead I accidentally pinched at him a little and he jumped about 6 feet in the air, peed his pants and said “Holy Fuck” in front of about 10, five-year-old kids. Lets just say, some parents were not too happy.”

 

Justin pushed Kristen out of the way and looked at Josh trying to get the real story out. He didn’t care if other knew he was terrified of the snake part of the zoo. Most of them probably would have been too. But he didn’t want anyone thinking he had bladder control problems. He prayed that no one would start singing that “gotta go gotta go gotta go right now” song. “Ok! That’s NOT what happened. Kristen KNEW I was scared of snakes. I didn’t wanna go in there but they were making fun of me so I had to for my prides sake and then you SCARED me and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say fuck but I thought a snake was attacking me and no I didn’t JUMP 6 feet, I just went “holy fuck” and I did NOT piss my pants. YOU were the one that had to run to the bathroom!” He slung his arm out towards Kristen.

 

She was leaning against the wall laughing again. He wanted to smile; he loved her laugh. It was loud but not obnoxious. It was a purely happy sound and he liked that. “I was laughing so hard!”

 

A hand was placed on his shoulder. “Ah! You’ve found a keeper young one.” He shrugged it off as JC walked on. “Well kids I’m going out tonight. You all wanna come?”

 

Kristen promptly yawned. “I’m beat.”

 

He agreed. “Me too.”

 

“Alright.” With that, JC walked a little further and then disappeared into one of the hotel rooms.

 

He looked over and saw staring at his ass. He wanted to call her on it. Damn I’m likin’ this. And he was. He really was enjoying his time with her. And he really was enjoying the fact that she was checking him out.

 

Mike interrupted his thoughts. “I think I’m gonna take his lead. Hope you two had fun.”

 

Justin smiled genuinely at his bodyguard. “Thanks Mike.”

 

“It’s my job.” He deadpanned.

 

Kristen walked over and gave him a hug. He watched amused at the size difference. She really was quite petite but against Mike, she looked like she was a midget. “I hope you had fun Mikey. We got to see them feed the monkeys!”

 

He patted her back and ruffled her hair a little. “Yeah, we did. See ya.” When he let her go he walked down the hallway, calling someone on his cell phone. He soon disappeared like JC had.

 

Kristen walked over to him and he smiled at her. “He’s nice. Once you get past that tough exterior.”

 

He winked, wondering if she would go back to cute Kristen or feisty Kristen and pick on him for trying too hard with the wink move. “Kinda like you eh?”

 

She shrugged and looked up at him. “I guess. Are you really mad at me?”

 

He casually nudged her with his elbow. “Naw, I’m just being overly dramatic. It’s my style.”

 

“I’ve noticed.”

 

They both laughed quietly and then he realized that this was it. It was the end of date one. He really didn’t know what to do then, he just knew he didn’t want her to go and he wasn’t ready to spend time away from her just yet. “Wanna go to my room and order pizza?”

 

“We just ate.”

 

He realized the stupidity of his suggestion but tried to cover up a mental lapse. He didn’t want her to know he was struggling with being so cool with this dating thing. His nerves were a little on edge and he was terrified he was going to do something stupid. “So. My sandwich didn’t fill me up.”

 

“You ate your fries, too and half of mine.”

 

“I’m a pig! So sue me.”

 

She laughed and it put him at ease. “I’ll come by but I wanna go take a shower and change and shit.”

 

But then she started to walk away, looking through her wallet for her electronic key card. He didn’t want her to go. “Ooo shower, eh?”

 

She looked over her shoulder and cocked an eyebrow at him still walking slowly. “No sir. Remember we haven’t gotten to the going out stage yet.”

 

He looked up at the ceiling and then back at her. “Oh yes. Dating stage. Which includes occasional kissing if I remember correctly.”

 

She had stopped in her tracks.

 

“I guess.”

 

He smiled.

 

Gotcha.

He walked over to where she was standing and looked down at her with a smirk. “So um…”

 

She sighed impatiently and looked off to the side. “If you’re gonna ask me if you can kiss me just go ahead and do it. Don’t stand there and make awkward small talk consisted of a lot of uhs and ums. It just makes it all too….weird.”

 

At first he was a little stunned by her bluntness, but if it got him a kiss, he didn’t give a damn what she said. He dropped his head a little and smiled. “Can I kiss you?”

 

She pushed him away and walked past him. “Fuck no.”

 

“See…That’s what I was talking about.”

 

She turned around with a mischievous smile, walking backwards. “What do you mean?”

 

“Remember, baboon thing.”

 

She nodded. “Oh yeah, the whole what if you had to inflate a red ass to get a date comment?”

 

“No. The you being a tease comment.”

 

Her mouth dropped, she stopped and then stalked back over to him. “I’m not a tease!”

Mission:Accomplished. She was not walking away anymore.

 

“Ok. You’re standing there “blah blah just ask me to kiss you” batting your eyes, and lickin your lips. Givin that little “sexy KT” smile and then you just totally go 180 from that and put up the attitude of “fuck no.” Ya know what I think it is?”

 

She put her hand on her hip and gave him attitude. If she saw a picture of herself right then she would probably be a little embarrassed. “What do you think it is professor Justin?”

 

He leaned down and smiled innocently, annoyingly, purposely and then whispered, “You’re scared.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re scared to kiss me.”

 

She laughed and in an arrogant manner said, “I’ve done it before.”

 

He crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels. “Yeah but you were drunk. And the time before that I was drunk. We’ve never done it sober before.”

 

She backed a step away. He had her caught. “What are you getting at?”

 

“You’re SCARED!”

 

“I’m NOT scared.”

 

He nodded sarcastically. “Riiight.

 

She clinched her fist. He had her right where he wanted her. “I’m not!”

 

“Prove it.”

 

“Fine. I will.”

 

A minute past and she hadn’t moved.

 

“I’m waiting.”

 

Her eyes jumped to him quickly. She was scared alright. “On what?”

 

“For you to prove you aren’t scared and to kiss me right now. I aint doing jack shit. You get that cute ass over here and you pucker up girly since you’re all miss tough.”

 

And out came the dramatics and insults: her beloved line of defense. “Hell no. I might get a disease.”

 

He nodded to himself. “And now your resorting to insults. Don’t make me start making chicken noises.”

 

The next thing that happened he had expected. She got mock-mad. She squinted her eyes and said in a low voice, “Ya know what. You can forget about a second date. And I’m serious. This isn’t cool.”

 

He made his voice an annoying high pitch and said, “Everybody’s doin it!”

 

“Stop! I will not be peer pressured into kissing you!!”

 

He put his hands up and back away a little. “Ok. I’m not trying to pressure you.” She rolled her eyes. “Ok, so I kinda am because I wouldn’t mind it. But I don’t want to if you aren’t comfortable. But just admit it. You’re scared.”

 

“I’m NOT scared.”

 

He sighed and tried his best not to smile. He had gotten under her skin. He knew she wanted it but he wanted to get to her and make her squirm a little. He also wanted to see if she would take the initiative and make the next step for them. “Fine. You go take your shower and do whatever else it is you need to do. Come back over to chill and I’ll be waiting for my kiss. I’m being nice-“

 

She rolled here eyes, once again. “Pshh”

 

“I’m giving you time to grow the balls to kiss me.”

 

She grinned evilly. “You want me to have balls?”

 

To piss her off a little he ran his finger down her nose quickly and then plucked under her chin. “Figuratively my dear. That’s a nother tactic: changing the subject. Damn I love unraveling your little plans.”

 

She pushed him hard and had a scowl on her face. She narrowed her eyes once more and gritted out through her teeth, “The only thing your unraveling is any chance you had with me. You’re an asshole Justin. You’ve ruined possibly the best day I’ve ever had on tour. You had a real chance here but not anymore. I hope you have a great fuckin’ night.” She then turned sharply and stomped down the hall, pressed the button to the elevator and waited with her hands on her hips and her back to him. When the doors open she stomped in, pressed some buttons and flipped him off before the doors closed.

 

He smiled to himself, shook his head and turned around to head to his room. See ya in few

-----

Half an hour later...

 

She paced outside his doorway. She stopped, looked at the door and then called herself a “pathetic loser” before starting to pace again. He had called her out right on the nose. She was terrified to kiss him. The first time he had kissed her she was in a daze and he was drunk. The second time she was drunk and wasn’t thinking properly. Now, all she was doing was thinking: Thinking about what would come out of that kiss, what it would lead up to, and what it would mean.

 

Did he really like her? Was this all some mean joke? The day at the zoo had been wonderful. She had had the best time and it was one of the first times, in a long time, that she could enjoy herself and not think and worry about how others saw her.

 

The day had also been hard for her. It brought back a lot of memories with her family. She really didn’t have a family now and it was hard for her to share something, even as simple as going to the zoo, with anyone anymore. She knew if she wasn’t careful, she was gonna fall into quick-sand with Justin, and never be able to get out. She was already having a hard enough time escaping her feelings for him.

 

On the one hand, he aggravated the snot out of her. Sometimes she just wanted to rip out his little pricks of hair. He knew exactly how to push her buttons and he knew exactly what to do and say to make her in a tizzy. And she did NOT like that.

 

But then again, he knew how to make her smile. Sometimes she just wanted to curl up inside of him and have him love her and hold her and let her know that there was someone out there that cared. He knew exactly how to look at her and make her feel important and happy. And she liked that.

 

No. She loved that.

 

She jumped back and clutched her heart when the door to his room opened and he stepped out in a pair of tacky purple and yellow Lakers sweat pants she had seen him wear way too many times and a gray wife-beater. He looked surprised at first and then he relaxed against the doorframe and cocked an eyebrow at her.

 

She groaned.

 

“What are you doin’ darling?”

 

“Oh I was just, ya know…” Her voice trailed off into a mumble

 

He smiled and nodded and in a cocky manner, finishing for her. “Waiting in front of my doorway. For what, may I ask?”

 

She narrowed her eyes. She needed some means of escape. “The Easter bunny.”

 

“Hmm, you got about a month to go. Did you get so fresh and so clean clean?”

 

She looked at him like she hadn’t heard him right and rolled her eyes. These little sayings of him were a little strange. Of course, the girly part of her thought they were cute. She wanted to bitch out her girly part at times. Hoping to annoy him so he’d leave her alone with her thoughts, her thoughts about how good his chest looked in a tank, she gave him a thick attitude. “Did I what? I took a shower if that’s what you are asking. Duh, my hairs wet.”

 

“I took a shower too. I smell purty.”

 

She looked at him hard. “Um…” He gave her a bright smile and figured he was in too weird of a mood to make him annoyed at her. “Alrighty then.”

 

He stepped out with a couple dollars in his hands and his keycard in the other. “Want a soda?”

 

“Sure.” She leaned against his door as he started walking down the hallway to the room where the ice machine and vending machines were.

 

“What do you-never mind.” He waved her off with his hand.

 

“What?”

 

“I know you, sweetheart.”

 

“Huh?” He ignored her and she watched him disappear into the small room. A minute later he emerged with a drink in each hand.

 

He handed her one. “See. Sunkist. That’s what you wanted right?”

 

She smiled and in a sarcastic, but friendly way said, “So smooth.”

 

He shrugged and opened his door for her, letting her walk in first. “I try. Come on in.”

 

She walked in and was once again enwrapped in all that was him. A large duffel bag sat on one of the chairs from the table in the corner. It was open and clothes were bursting out of it. The bed was unmade and the sheets were crumpled. The TV was on espn and muted and a manila folder was open on the dresser beside the TV with his wallet, a watch, some change and his cell phone and charger. She stood over by his duffel bag, near the table and balcony. The A/C was on her full blast. She hugged her arms to herself and looked at him, now sprawled out on the bed, one leg out straight, one bent with his foot under his knee. His arms were helping the pillows support his head. “So uh…”

 

He laughed and nodded to the bed. “You can sit down ya know.”

 

“I know. I’d rather stand.”

 

He looked at her for a minute and then shrugged. “Suit yourself. I just wanna see what the score to this game was then we can pick out a movie or whatever”

 

“Ok. Sure.”

 

After about 2 minutes he sighed and she watched as his arms fell beside him and he looked up at the ceiling. “Dear God, please sit down.”

 

“Ok.” She perched her self on the far corner of the bed, away from him, playing with the tab of her Sunkist can.

 

She was terrified. He was lying there casual as hell on his bed and she knew something was gonna happen that night. It was the night of their date. They had already talked and figured out that a kiss was going to happen soon, probably that night, and here he was as cool as a autumn day; he had not a care in the world. In fact, he looked like he was enjoying himself. It made her sick that he wasn’t the tad bit nervous about this. It made her wonder how many times he had been in a situation like this before. She knew he probably had been with more girls than she would ever be with guys but she didn’t really want to be just another number or tally on the list.

 

It meant something, this…whatever it was they had. It meant a lot to her.

 

“Uh…”

 

She looked over at him. He was giving her a crazed look. “What?”

 

He scrambled to get up and took the remote and turned the TV off. “Ok. That’s it. TV’s off. I cant believe this…”

 

Her body tensed up as he walked over and in front of her and snatched the can from her hand, setting it on the tv. “Cant believe what?”

 

“Stand up.”

 

“I thought you wanted me to sit down.”

 

“Stand up, Kristen.”

 

She was confused about what was going on and it was making her more nervous than she already was. “No.”

 

“Fine, I’ll sit down…” He plopped down beside her and she stood up quickly. She didn’t know what was happening but suddenly she began to feel her stomach knot up. “What the hell? I’m not gonna bite you.”

 

“Why are you getting close?”

 

He stood back up and sighed tiredly, like he was a impatient parent with a 2 year old. “Kristen. Just shut the fuck up for a second, ok?”

 

“What?”

 

He stared at her, and she stared at him. He was less than a foot from her. She could smell the soap he used from the shower and she could almost feel the heat from his body in the insanely cold room. “Will you close your eyes?”

 

She gulped. “Why?”

 

He sighed again and looked off to the side. When he looked back at her, his head was tilted and his eyes were looking at her softly. He smiled. “Just close em.”

 

“No why?”

 

He groaned, rolled his eyes and mumbled, “I swear to god if this is the way it is every time…”

 

“Every time what?”

 

He shook his head and widened his eyes to try and get her to trust him. “Just close your eyes ok? Relax.”

 

She didn’t know how or why but suddenly she felt her eyes were closed and she was completely at his mercy. She was almost shaking with nerves, but she couldn’t stop herself from doing what he asked. She trusted him and she had never really trusted anyone else before. “Is this like one of those trust games that they make you do at camp?”

 

He half-laughed, “Close enough.”

 

A few moments later she hadn’t heard or felt or noticed anything different. She called out softly, “Justin?” When there was no response she started to open her eyes and said, “I’m gonna open my-J-Justin?” She stopped because she felt the presence of someone else near her. Body heat was dangerously close to her. Skin brushed against her arm. An exhale tickled her lips. He was so close to her.

 

She was standing there, blind, helpless, wanting him so bad she thought she might die; and still scared to death.

 

And that’s when it happened. She felt lips against hers for a moment. It was a small kiss, a timid kiss. His lips pulled away and she jumped when a hand curved around the side of her neck. Her body was stiff and felt awkward. Her arms were covered in chill bumps and her eyes were tightly closed. He massaged her neck muscles a little and whispered against her lips, “relax.”

 

He kissed her again, this time using her neck to keep her against him. His other hand slid around her waist and pressed her lower back so her body was pushed against him. She let a whimper escape.

 

Her eyes opened wide.

 

He was starting at her, holding her. His hand that was on her neck ran over the side of her head, forcing her damp hair out of the way. “I got you girl. You can let it go. I wont tell anyone.”

 

When she tried to speak it came out a whisper. “T- tell anyone what?”

 

“That your scared. That you crave affection. That you really do want people to care about you and you really do care about other people. I wont tell them you’re not a hard-ass.” One side of his upper lip raised slightly, baring a bit of his white teeth.

 

She had to stop him. She had to do something to stop him from breaking her open. This was going way too far. “What? You don’t know what the fuc-“

 

He cut her off with a smooth whisper. “Just shut up Kristen. You’re so scared. Why are you so scared?” His eyes narrowed at her.

 

She didn’t like this. She felt like she was 2 inches tall. It was like he had found her diary and was reading all her inner most secrets to her, letting her know he knew. “W- why are you making me feel like I’m nothing?”

 

His hand kept running through her hair, lulling her eyes closed like she was his pet. “I’m not trying to. I just wanna know what’s got you so terrified. If you are this hard-ass girl you say you are, why are you clinging to me? Why are you stuttering? Why did you whimper like you needed me? Why did-“

 

She looked away and swallowed. He was pushing her buttons, her emotional buttons and she was close to crying in front of him. She couldn’t let that happen. “Just shut up ok.”

 

“But I wanna know.”

 

“I just…I don’t wanna get played.”

 

Both his arms wrapped around her and she buried her forehead against his chest. “I wont play you Kristen.”

 

She mumbled into his chest, clinching her fist by her sides, wanting to give into him but feeling her strength come back a little. Her self-control was slowly oozing back and she was gonna try her damndest to not fall completely, like she was seconds from doing. “I want you to care about me, too. I want you to want me and I don’t want this to just be some girl from the tour that you got to have sex with you…”

 

She felt him start to chuckle. “But we haven’t-“

 

She cut him off and broke away from him, looking up at him seriously. “I’m not done. I- I like you Justin. I like you a lot. But you’re right. I’m scared. I’m fucking terrified because with you I’m not that hard-ass girl. This is all so brand new to me. I don’t know what its like to date someone. I don’t know what its like to have someone that flirts with you and actually WANTS to be around you. No ones ever cared about me before.”

 

“That’s not…”

 

She sighed while she pulled away from him. She was tired of standing and let her body fall back on his bed. She slung her arm over her eyes so he wouldn’t see a few tears escape. “Yes it is Justin. I’m not…I’m not popular like you, as high-school as that sounds. I don’t have this great family that loves me and supports me. I don’t have this tight group of friends I’m close to. My grandparents are really old and I don’t really see them much. Rick is the only friend from back home I have. I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school. I don’t have people calling me and checking up on me. I don’t have- I don’t really have a home I can go to. Like I don’t even know what the hell I’m gonna do after this tour. I have no money, no job, no place to-“

 

“I’ll help you.”

 

She wiped her eyes and stared at the white spackled ceiling. “I don’t want your charity Justin.”

 

“I want to take care of you Kristen. I CARE about you. The reason you weren’t popular in high school is because you shut people out. Am I right?” She looked off to her side. She heard him sigh like he was tired and frustrated with her. Just perfect. Now she had managed to annoy him.

 

Her head jerked forward when she felt pressure on the mattress. She looked up and saw him leaning over her, hands on either side of her pressing into the mattress, him looking like he was doing push ups above her. She couldn’t move and was forced to stare straight into his eyes and listen to every word he said. “You’ve let me in. Why? Because you want me to take care of you. I will. I promise. I- I really wanna see where this leads. It’s a cheesy line to say, but I really haven’t felt anything like this before. It’s so new, and refreshing, and complicated but simple, and I cant explain it but I like you Kristen. God, so much.” His head hung a little and he shook it, like he was still amazed by it all.

 

“Does this mean…”

 

He looked back up at her and said in a goofy voice, “Kristen will you be my girlfriend?”

 

She rolled her eyes, trying not to giggle and let him know that she wanted to be whatever he wanted her to be, as long as she got to be with him; be herself with him. “Oh my god that was pathetic.” She pushed herself out from under him and propped herself against the pillows and headboard of the unmade bed.

 

He let his body relax a little and laid on his side next to her, his head propped up beside her stomach. “Is that a yes or a no?”

 

“It was a maybe.”

 

He rolled on his back and rooted his fist in the air. “Oh you’re so my girlfriend.”

 

She bit her lip to keep from smiling, and said in a slow voice so he’d understand what she wanted. She wasn’t sure if being Justin Timberlake’s “girlfriend” was a title she was ready to have, but she was definitely willing to find out. “We’re dating.”

 

His hand waved in the air and then landed on her thigh. “Same thing.”

 

She stared down at his hand and laughed when he looked up at her with a devilish grin. “You just want the sex.”

 

He turned over and crawled up to her. She would have pulled away a little but there was no where to go. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “No, I just want to be able to let you know you’re a special person to me. And I’ll always care about you. Unless you like cut off my balls, then we might have to rethink it.”

 

Normally she would have laughed at him and made a joke back. But he was so close. He smelled good. He looked good. His mouth was so close to hers and she wanted to feel that connection with him again. She wanted more, more than the light kisses he had pleasured her in moments before.

 

She looked from his mouth to his eyes and breathed, “I haven’t kissed you yet.”

 

His eyes narrowed and then it dawned on him. “Yeah you...oh that’s right.” He smiled a boyish grin.

 

He seemed calm, but she felt all the breath escape her lungs. Her heartbeat was going crazy and all she could do was stare at that bottom lip, begging her to latch on to it. “I- I’d like to give it a go.”

 

He smiled and licked his lips, staying exactly where he was for her. “Lay it on me.”

 

It took her a few moments but finally she took her hands on either side of his face and looked him in the eyes. The childish smile that was there before had disappeared and his eyelids had lowered, looking at her heavily with want.

 

She brought his face down to hers with her hands and started to smile when he did. She could feel it against her. She puckered slightly and the next thing she knew she was kissing him.

 

His lips responded slightly to hers, kissing her back. His hands wedged themselves under her body, letting his arms wrap around her as he laid his body on her, and her hands smoothed over the sides of his head, her arms going around his neck. Her mouth parted slightly and her tongue met his. They kept kissing until she felt him pulling her. She pulled away but he pushed forward, his mouth open against hers, kissing her deeply.

 

When he finally pulled away she found herself now laying on him, his arms around her and her hands smushed in-between their bodies. He smiled and leaned in for one more light kiss. “Mmmm, you’re a good kisser KT.”

 

Her head tucked into her chest and he started to laugh. She didn’t mean to be shy with him but she wasn’t use to situations like this. And he was being way too sexy for her to handle right then. She needed to get away, or at least get so she didn’t have to see him. She wiggled a little, trying to get situated, and finally found a spot beside him, with her head facing the TV, laying on his chest. She didn’t say anything as she flipped to the hotel channel and searched for the movies you could buy.

 

She found one she wanted and gave him the remote. “I wanna watch Tommy Boy.”

 

He pressed the play button and set the remote on the other side of him. “Amazing choice.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Soon his hand was running up and down her back and she was lying against him, not paying a bit of attention to the movie and smiling so big, her face was staring to hurt.

 

He said he would take care of her. She reveled in that thought and for some reason all her worries disappeared, and maybe it was too soon to tell but she couldn’t help it. Her hopes soared, and something told her that Justin would be in her life for a while.

 

He would take care of her, he wanted to take care of her, and for the first time since she was 12 years old she actually believed that she would be alright.

The next evening

 

The day had totally rocked. She had woken up beside Justin with him smiling way too big and her making comments about morning breath. She didn’t mean to fall asleep in his room. She had had every intention of sleeping in her own bed, but she was fully rested laying there beside him and was unable to keep herself from drifting off. She had woken up beside him and had felt completely refreshed after a full nights sleep. They had spent the morning watching cartoons and then they both had to leave to go to the venue. She wanted him to kiss her before she left to change and get ready, but he didn’t.

 

At the venue she had only seen him a few times, but that was ok. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to see him run past at about 1:20 and then at 3:45 have him pop his head in the room to ask anyone if they’ve seen Chris. She saw him on his cell phone at a table far away from where the food that was catered was being served. She wondered who he was talking to and wanted to go over there and talk to him, but decided she didn’t need to be leechish.

 

She had gone to get dinner and when she sat down she noticed him getting up with Joey and some of the crew. She hated she hadn’t gone to get dinner earlier; then maybe she would have been able to sit with him. But she had promised Rick she would wait for him.

 

It was when she was in the play room, lying down, reading something in Rolling Stone about the concerts that summer when she felt a presence. When she moved the magazine down away from her face she saw him standing there, dressed for the show, leaning against the wall, smirking at her.

 

She narrowed her eyes at him even though she was smiling. “What do you want?”

 

He stared at her for a few seconds. The expression “undressing her with his eyes” came to mind, because that’s exactly how she felt under his gaze. But surprisingly, she didn’t really mind. “You.”

 

“You’re disturbing my reading.”

 

She tried not to giggle when he swaggered over to her, trying to be as cool and suave as possible. She knew he was joking, and she loved every minute of it. “It’s been almost 24 hours since I’ve felt your lips against mine.”

 

“Lets be a little more dramatic why don’t we.” She rolled her eyes and lifted the magazine up over her face so she couldn’t see him leaning over her.

 

“I need to feel you in my arms again.”

 

When the magazine was plucked from her grasp and tossed somewhere in the room, her mouth dropped and she was getting ready to cuss him out out of annoyment but when she looked up and saw the mischievous look in his eyes and the wide grin, she couldn’t help but want to curl up to him. It had only been about half a day since she was able to be close to him and normally she would gag over couples, or whatever you wanted to call them, that couldn’t stand being more than 5 minutes apart. But she really did miss him that day. She had gotten a hint of what it was like to be cared for and to get affection the night before, and now she hated to admit it, but she really liked it, and wanted to be that way with im again.

 

“You’ve been listening to Richard Marx again haven’t you?”

 

She could see him trying to keep the façade of Rico Suave up. But he let out a quiet laugh and then contained himself. “I’ve been waiting for you Kristen.”

 

She smiled, realizing that he was now crawling over her on his hands and knees. She had a feeling she was gonna get her little bout of affection she had been craving. “Right here?”

 

He nodded and his voice returned to a more normal Justin tone. “You look cute today.”

 

“You can stop with the seducer act. It’s getting annoying.”

 

He situated himself beside her on the couch, his back to the back of the furniture, making her lay a little on her side. “Ok.”

 

“Don’t mind me I’m just laying here.” She said it in a sarcastic tone but in all actuality she didn’t mind at all. He was pressed against her, and his arms were around her, and he was contently sighing. She was almost starting to believe that he really did like her.

 

“Hey.” He whispered in her ear after it had been quiet for a while.

 

Goosebumps tickled her skin at his soft voice. “Hi.”

 

“We still on for tonight?”

 

It was a little uncomfortable the way his arm that was half underneath her was pressing into her side. She shifted and turned around so that she was facing him. “Tonight?”

 

“Yeah, me and you, putt putt.” She watched him as he cautiously examined the necklace she was wearing that day. It was a piece of string with a guitar pic on it. He seemed enthralled.

 

“It’s gonna be late, isn’t it?”

 

His eyes left her necklace and looked straight at her. He smiled boyishly and squeezed her a little against him. “I found a 24 hour place. And we don’t have to head out until tomorrow around lunch, so we can stay as long as we want and don’t have to worry about getting tired.”

 

She laughed at his childish ways and nodded. “Alright.”

 

His smile beamed even more as he said, “Yay. Date number 2. Then sex.”

 

Kristen scoffed and rolled her eyes, attempting to push him away. “Justin just go buy a hooker.”

 

His nose crunched up. She had the urge to lean in and kiss him on the tip of it. This boy was making her crazy, seriously. “No, they’re nasty sex.”

 

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Oh really?”

 

Immediately his eyes went wide and he corrected himself. “Not that I know.”

 

She smiled and pinched the skin of his hip that was exposed from the way his shirt had rode up. “Sure…” He started to pinch as well. She felt his hands under her shirt, playful picking at the skin on her back. She wanted to do something to get him to stop but now she was fully pressed into him: Her front and his front. His face was dangerously close to hers and his tongue was stuck between his smiling teeth.

 

He was up to no good.

 

He started to chuckle quietly. “Mmhmm”

 

“What?”

 

He was beaming. “You’re wearing lip-gloss. I didn’t know you wore stuff like that.”

 

She could feel the blood rush to her face. She had put up a tiny bit of make up that morning. Just some lip gloss and something to make her cheeks stand out more. She didn’t know how she let herself do that, make up for her was only for going out, but she had a pretty good idea why. “Chap-stick. Lips are chapped,” she lied.

 

“Don’t look chapped to me. I smell strawberries.”

 

He was licking his lips. All sanity was flying out the window. “Uh, so?”

 

“You wanted to get my attention. You want me to kissss you.”

 

“Emergency Emergency, the ego is growing. I repeat, the ego-“

 

He cut her off. “I’ll shut you up if you don’t stop.”

 

“How you gonna do that?” She was hoping he’d do what she wanted.

 

“I have ways…”

 

She egged him on. “Ways of annoying me…”

 

“Ways of preoccupying that hot little mouth of yours…” She wanted to keep her hormones in check. But something about the way he said it and the tone of his voice and how she could feel the moisture from his mouth on hers made it impossible to maintain control.

 

“Y-You cant just kiss me to get me-“

 

“Yes I can.” It was starting to piss her off the way he kept interrupting her. Which was a good thing, it fired her up a little bit. Her hormones were suppressed for a moment, a very short moment.

 

“You’re about two sec-“

 

But it was too late. Before she had chance to argue with him, he had placed his mouth on hers. He tasted like sweet tea and she wanted more. It was an automatic reaction, when she felt his lips on hers, her mouth had opened. She had felt him chuckle a little, and then comply with her wishes and kiss her deeply. She felt his hand gently hold her cheek and she almost melted.

 

Almost. She wasn’t pathetic, well at least not completely.

 

He pulled away, bringing her bottom lip with him and letting it go with a loud sucking noise, trying to prove a point. “What was that?”

 

Her brain was mush. Her eyes were lazy. Her body was a puddle. So nevermind, she was pathetic. “Huh?”

 

He smiled and tucked her into his chest, holding on to her tightly. “That’s what I thought.”

 

Her brain was starting to function again and she mumbled into his chest, her eyes closed, thinking how nice it would be to take a nap right then. “You’re such a cocky bastard.”

 

“Cocky, eh?”

 

Her eyes popped open when she felt him grinding into her a little bit. She could feel him and it was a reality kick. She wouldn’t admit she didn’t mind. “Oh get off me.”

 

“No.” He held her tighter as she struggled against him.

 

Finally her body when lax and she started to whine, making pitiful noises and finally saying in a nasally voice. “You’re molesting me.”

 

She looked up at him and he smiled down at her, winking, “Oh I’ll molest you…” She couldn’t help herself, and she started to smile back. The next thing she knew she was laughing and he was leaning down again, his smile getting closer to hers.

 

This time she got the courage, or either lost control, and she lifted her mouth to his, now her holding his cheek. She felt his jaw move against her hand as he kissed her and soon it was getting more and more heavy.

 

She didn’t know if it was just because they had had so much sexual tension before, or if this was just what happened when you started liking someone, or if she was being a whore but she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t want to stop herself. She wanted to just kiss him, until her lips were numb. She loved feeling him next to her, holding on to her, drinking her in.

 

He knew how to work his lips and tongue and mouth.

 

He was torturing her and she loved it.

 

She didn’t even care when he took in a sharp breath and pulled away, moving them so that she was on top of him. She hadn’t even realized that her legs were on either side of him until she settled her weight and her eyes popped open from what she felt.

 

He blushed and whispered, “Sorry.”

 

She didn’t give a shit that he was slightly aroused. It just made her want to kiss him some more. So she did.

 

She lifted her hips off him a little bit, afraid of what that kind of connection might cause, but continued attacking his mouth.

 

It wasn’t until there was a horrendous banging on the door and the sound of Mike going “Justin are you in there?” when she realized where she was and what she was doing. She pulled away just in time to see the door swing open and Mike standing there, a little out of breath.

 

Justin took a deep breath and started to say “What the-“

 

But he didn’t get the chance. She felt someone picking her up and sitting her back down. And when she got her bearings straight, she realized that she was now sitting on the couch alone and Justin was being dragged out of the room by Mike, with him yelling something.

 

She looked outside and saw people running past, all in one direction.

 

She was thoroughly confused and alone and still out of breath. Five seconds hadn’t passed when Rick ran into the room and yelled at her. “Come on girl we have to get out of here.”

 

She got up and walked over to him and he grabbed her arm and started speed walking out of there. “What the fuck Rick?”

 

He sounded more annoyed than concerned as they followed the frantic mass. “There’s been a bomb threat or something. We all gotta go into the conference room and get check off while they do a search.”

 

“A bomb!?” Well that was a shocker.

 

He shrugged. “It’s happened once before.”

 

She started having horrific images of them trying to usher 20,000 or how every many screaming girls out of the place. She shuddered. “Do they evacuate the whole place?”

 

“Nah, they wont even tell the ticket holders probably, maybe tomorrow. They gotta get the boys out though.”

 

She wiggled her arm free from his grasp and they turned a corner and entered a large room about the size of a high school gym, where the crew and everyone else with the tour was scattered about in huddles of groups talking loudly. She saw some of the security from the venue and their own talking to each other. “What happened?”

 

“Ya know that pay phone by the locker rooms?”

 

She followed him, glad they weren’t walking so fast anymore. They were in a line now, waiting showing their passes to a stadium guard. “Yeah.”

 

Rick turned a little and looked at her and then around the room as he talked. “PJ was standing by there when it started to ring and when he answered some dude was like “there’s a bomb in the building” and then hung up.”

 

“What?”

 

He nodded. “Yeah. Apparently, Clara was walking down the hall and he told her and she freaked the fuck out and blabbed to Anthony and now this place is a zoo.”

 

“Where are they taking the guys?”

 

They had reached the front of the line and saw another security guard there, checking everyone’s pass and having them initial their name. She was amazed by the organization of the group and process. “I don’t know. I think last time they just drove them away until the place gets checked out.”

 

After she initialed her name she followed Rick out to a side door with a big red “Exit” sign above it where a couple of the crew guys were smoking. She leaned against the open door and watched Rick light up. “Hey! How do they get to leave? What if there is a bomb? I don’t wanna die.”

 

He blew out a stream of smoke and then pointed over towards a developed area near the arena. She could see golden arches and see a huge BP station sign with the day’s gas prices on it. “I don’t either. You wanna go get Wendy’s or something. Sarah’s been fixed.”

 

Her eyebrows raised. “Fixed?”

 

“Well, it’s a new one. But I’m just not coping well.”

 

“I see.” He motioned for her to follow him and she walked beside him as he smoked and walked towards the drop off point where the van and the trucks and buses were.

 

He sucked on his cigarette some more and asked, “So what’s up with you and Justin?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

They were at the van and she looked it over as Rick fumbled with his keys and finally unlocked it. It had auto locks, Sarah never had those. “You two are fuckin aren’t ya?”

 

She hopped in the van and watched him chuckle at her face. “Eww gross no. Not yet at least.”

 

He slammed his door shut and cringed a little. “Ok, honey I don’t need to know that.”

 

“Kidding Rick, geez.” He shook his head and she looked around the new, clean vehicle. There were power locks, windows, a cd player that came with the van, not one bought at circuit city, and the air condition had dials instead of strips with a knob that you moved. The van still had that new car smell and had yet to absorb the odor of Rick’s Winston’s.

 

She played with the radio and CD player a little bit until the sound of Rick’s cell phone rang out. At first she was afraid that maybe they were in trouble, maybe they weren’t supposed to leave the building or something. Rick answered and she saw him roll his eyes and hold the phone out to her. “It’s for you?”

 

“Me?”

 

After he handed it to her, he put his hand that was holding the cell on the steering wheel and flicked his cigarette butt out the window. “Just don’t have phone sex ok?”

 

Her eyes widened and she answered. “WHAT- hello?”

 

His voice was frantic and obviously pissed off. “Look we cant do shit tonight?”

 

Her heart started to hurt a little. “What?”

 

His voice was fluctuating from loud yelling to low grumbling. “Yeah, fuckin BULLSHIT is what it is. Mike and Todd are pissin’ themselves because of this fuckin’ bombthreat so tonight we’re on lock down. What the fuck? I’m 21 years old. I think I can take care of myself, ya know?”

 

“Well Justin they just-“

 

“I mean fuckin’ shit. I really wanted to go out with you tonight but no. What the hell do I get to do? Stay in fuckin’ side like fuckin’ normal.”

 

She couldn’t help herself. He sounded funny cussing that much and sounded that pissed off. Justin could be a drama queen at times, but usually he was very quiet about his problems and pretty even-kill about everything. “Fuckin’ eh?”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Rick was stopped at a stop light and laughing to himself. She reached over and punched him in the chest. “Listen just chill. We’ll go some other time. We can just watch another movie and order take out.”

 

“I’m tired. I think I might just go to bed. Sorry. I’ll talk to ya later I guess.”

 

She was met with a dial tone.

 

She pulled the phone away slowly and looked at for a moment. “Whoa.”

 

“What?”

 

She flipped the phone closed and handed it back to him. “You guys have been warning me about this Justin temper, grumpy attitude thing that happens. I thought yall were just lying.”

 

“He pissed?”

 

She shook her head and watched Rick pull into the parking lot at Wendy’s. “He said fuckin’ every other word. And now he wants to sleep tonight instead of hangin out.”

 

He shrugged. “He’ll lighten up. I’m sure the security team is gonna be tight on them tonight and probably tomorrow and the next day. He might be a little bitch. He doesn’t like people telling him what he cant do.”

 

She sighed and looked off at the cars in the parking lot. There was a line in the drive thru and there were about 3 cars in front of them. “Yeah…”

 

“What?”

 

She shrugged and played with the lock, pushing it down and then pulling it up. “I just…we had a date. He just ditched me.”

 

“Attack him tonight. When he comes back from the show be like ‘listen bitch I wanna chill with you’.”

 

She rolled her head over to him and gave him a boring look. “But then I’ll look pathetic, not that I already don’t, and that I really like him.”

 

Rick shook his head and looked straight ahead. “Kristen…”

 

She knew he knew. Everyone probably knew how she felt about Justin. She threw her arms up and then covered her face with her hands. “I know god!”

 

“You like him a whole lot don’t ya?”

 

“Unfortunately.” She moaned through her hands.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She moved her hands back to pull her hair up and then let it fall against her shoulders again. She repeated the action. “I’m not supposed to like him Rick. He’s Justin fuckin’ Timberlake. 3 months ago I would go into a record store and see his poster or album or something and be like “what a bunch of fags.” I use to gag whenever I flipped on MTV and saw anything with him on it.”

 

“Yeah. I mean their music is a little pussyish, but they’re kick ass guys ya know? And hell, I wish I was smart enough to get 4 friends of mine together, get voice and dance lessons and then put on a show. Do you know how many fuckin’ girls I’d have?”

 

She bit her lip when he said that. She had been thinking about that a lot to. He was a celebrity and she wasn’t and even though she knew he was a person just as much as she was, he wasn’t the same. No one knew who she was, and everyone knew who he was. He had a group of people that worried for him if a picture of him in a club got out. He had a team of lawyers to deal with shit that went on with their label and whatever else. He had assistants and managers and public relations specialist and image people and whatever else. She had herself.

 

“T- that’s the other thing. Rick, he’s Justin of Nsync.”

 

Their car moved up in line. “Don’t look at it like that. If you do he’s gonna get pissed at you. He probably likes you because you don’t see him like that. You make fun of him and you’re normal around him. You don’t squeal and shit yourself.”

 

She sighed as he waited for someone to ask for their order. “I’m starting to feel that way though. It sucks. I want a number 1, biggie sized with mountain dew.”

 

He relayed her order and his and then moved up a little. “You just like him. It’s different. You aren’t like “oh my god it’s a celebrity” you like “oh my god here’s this decent guy that likes me and-“

 

“How do you know he likes me?”

 

“Oh I know.” He said taking the 5 dollar bill she was handing him and adding it to his own.

 

“How?”

 

“It’s obvious. Unless he just wants some ass.” She watched him pay for their food and get change. He gave her the change to deal with.

 

But she just stared at him, wondering if that was it. She had thought about that a little, and had noted that Justin talked about the “s” word a lot. But she didn’t think that was all he wanted her for. But now, thinking about it, it would make sense.

 

But it didn’t, because he could have anyone he wanted. Maybe he just wanted a challenge. “Y- you think that-“

 

Rick rolled his eyes, made a face and shook his head, handing her their bag of food and stealing a fry in the process. “Nah. Justin’s not that kind of guy.”

 

She relaxed when Rick reached over and annoyingly ruffled her hair. She realized if Rick was ok with her seeing Justin then she should be ok. He wouldn’t let her do anything that’d get her in trouble or hurt.

------

that night…around 12

 

Justin shrugged himself off his bodyguard and glared as he searched his pockets for his key. “I’m here. Happy?”

 

Mike shook his head and laughed bitterly. “Boy you need to cut the shit.”

 

He was tired of this shit. He was tired of being told what to do and having people freak out whenever something happened unexpected. He knew he was famous but he was getting tired of all the fuss that came with it. What was so special about him anyway? He rolled his eyes and turned his back on his bodyguard, trying to open his door. “Whatever. Have a great night Mike.”

 

Before he knew it he was being swung around and pushed against the door. Mikes hands were fisted in his shirt and he was growling at him. “Listen. I know you had plans tonight and I’m sorry, but instead of being an asshole about it why don’t you go talk to the girl and hang out with her. I didn’t make the decision to put everything on lock down so don’t take it out on me ok kid? I’m doing my job.”

 

Justin was able to push the handle on his door and escape into his room. “Bye Mike.”

 

Mike held the door open by leaning on it and crossed his incredibly large arms across his even more incredibly large chest. “It’s a good thing I get paid good.”

 

The door slammed shut and Justin whipped around and stalked to the door, swinging it open and growling at Mike for being such a bitch about everything. “WHAT?”

 

But he wasn’t met with Mike. He was met with Kristen. She was red plaid boxers and a long-sleeve grey shirt with the aerosmith logo in the middle of her chest. Her hair was pulled back and she had on old-style blue addidas sandals with the 3 white strips over the thick strap. If he had never met her before he would have thought she was normal. She was normal, but he would have no idea she was a punk chick with an attitude and sex appeal that made him crazy.

 

She looked very pretty standing there with wide eyes and her mouth open like she was going to say something. He stumbled back a little, realizing now that he had just yelled at her. “Sorry.”

 

She back stepped and lifted her hands up. “Well then, never mind.”

 

When she started to walk back towards the elevators, he followed her, trying to catch up with her quick pace. “Wait.”

 

The elevators dinged open without her pressing a button and one of their security team stepped out. She stepped in moved to press the buttons. “Have a good night.”

 

He whined and jogged to catch up before she left. “Come back!”

 

He made it to where he could stand on the crack of the elevator and keep her from going anywhere. She sighed and leaned against the silver wall. “No thanks. I don’t wanna have anything taken out on me.”

 

He bowed his head and honestly said, “Kristen I’m sorry.”

 

“Ok.”

 

When he looked up she was staring at him like she was challenging him. He could tell he had truly pissed her off some how and he thought by saying he was sorry she’d lighten up. “What is it?”

 

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Well nice to see you too.”

 

He was tired. He was tired, physically and mentally. He hated people being pissed at him and it seemed that night it was all anyone was: pissed. He knew he probably hadn’t handled his mood the best way possible but in all truth he was just really mad that he wasn’t going to go out with her that night. He had spent the whole day planning and thinking about their next date. And now that was ruined. He looked up at the ceiling and ran his hands over his short hair holding on to the back of his neck. “Fuckin’ shit what…”

 

She pushed herself off from leaning against the wall and sighed. “Ok, ok! I just wanted to see if you wanted to come down and chill with me. But obviously you don’t so I’ll see ya later.”

 

He rolled his eyes. Now even she was being a bitch to him. Everyone hated him that day. He wanted to crawl in his bed and not talk or see anyone else for a long time. “See ya.” When he looked back over his shoulder from walking to his room he saw that the elevator doors had shut. He was a little disappointed because he kind of hoped she would have come running back to him.

 

He kept forgetting that Kristen wasn’t like most of the other girls he had dated. She was strong and wouldn’t take his shit. It was what he liked best about her but it was still hard to get use to.

 

He was at his door trying to unlock it again when the elevators dinged and she saw her walking out. When she caught his eyes she started to jog a little to him saying, “Wait…wait…”

When she got to where he was he sighed and realized he was being a complete asshole. He licked his lips and bit them a little embarrassed for being so childish. “I’m sorry. I’m not in a good mood.”

 

She started to smile and nudged him a little. “Could have fooled me.”

 

He smiled and stuck his tongue out at her, opening his door. “Just give me a bit to get a shower and change and I’ll be down in like 15 minutes or so.”

 

He walked in and turned around as he started taking off his watch and depositing his keys and cell phone and other things on the dresser. She was leaning against his doorway. “Alright. And you don’t have to. I mean…I don’t care.”

 

He walked over to her. Her head was down and she was concentrating on picking at her nails. He stood close to her as she continued picking and finally dipped down enough and moved her chin with his hand enough to get her to look up at him.

 

It was a natural reaction when he leaned down and kissed her briefly. He looked her dead in the eyes and said, “I want to.”

 

She started biting her lip and when a smile broke through and a giggle he cocked an eyebrow at her, amazed that she would be that girly in front of him. She pressed her lips together and then quickly mumbled “see ya in a second” and disappeared.

 

He peeked out of his room and saw her skipping down the hall, her ponytail swinging back and forth.

 

It was cute and it made him feel empowered to know that he had that kind of effect on such a tough cookie.

 

He took a shower and it definitely calmed him down and relaxed his body. He changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt, grabbed his phone and key and made his way down to her room.

 

When he got there he knocked and noticed the bar lock was sticking out so that the door wouldn’t latch. He heard her say “come in” and proceeded into her room.

 

He walked in, smiled and then stopped. There were 2 boxes of pizza lying in front of her on her bed, a six pack of Coors in the ice bucket, being chilled and on the TV was Tiger Woods PGA tour game with two play station controllers connected and laying on the bed as well.

 

He was a little taken back. She had prepared. It had been a long time since he had been able to chill out and eat pizza and drink beer. It was a comfort he’d been missing on the road. “Hey…wow…”

 

She smiled at him. “Rick told me you liked Coors.”

 

He walked further into the room and smirked at her. “Uh, how’d you buy it?”

 

“Rick bought it for me. And I got us pizza. And I stole one of the play stations. We might not be able to go putt putt but Tiger Woods golf game thing is probably the next best thing.”

 

“You did all this?”

 

She shrugged like it was nothing and took a bite out of her piece of pizza. “Well, I asked Rick if he’d go buy me beer and since he’s my little bitch he said yes. It took me 5 extra minutes to unplug and replug the play station and I wanted pizza anyway.”

 

He sat down on the bed beside her and smiled. “Still. You did this, for me?”

 

She rolled her eyes and reached over to the nightstand and brought a bottle to her lips, “Don’t flatter yourself. Like I said before: I wanted pizza.”

 

For some reason he found it very sexy whenever a woman drank beer. She pulled the bottle away from her lips and reached for another slice of pizza. “Oooo I like Corona too.”

 

She shrugged and put the bottle in-between her legs. “Yeah I don’t like beer. Well I like Corona, but that’s the only kind. And I didn’t want to be fruity and get wine coolers.”

 

He sighed and reached for a beer himself, pulling it off plastic holder and wiping the water off on his shirt. “Typical woman.”

 

“What?! Beer’s nasty.”

 

He just laughed and grabbed a piece of pizza. He took a bite, moaned and then opened his beer and chugged down a good bit of it. When he swallowed he closed his eyes and leaned his head on her shoulder. “Damnnnnnn.”

 

She giggled, taking another sip from the bottle in-between her legs. “Good huh?”

 

“Hit’s the spot.” He looked up at her and saw her blushing. He wanted to kiss her again but he didn’t want to push things. He had already kissed her earlier and he was going to wait for the perfect time to do it again. He didn’t want her to think that’s all he wanted from her. Their relationship, or whatever it was, was brand new and the situation they were in was one they had never really been in before, so he was being very cautious.

 

He finished his beer quickly and grabbed another. He wasn’t trying to get drunk but it was helping him relax after such a stressful evening. He was comfortable lying beside her, close enough but not touching. The pizza was tasting perfect and she was looking adorable.

 

It was the perfect night and she had made it that way. He had never really had anyone do anything like that for him before, even if she denied that it was specifically for him. He nudged her and looked over at her. “Thanks KT.”

 

“For what?”

 

He shook his head and bent forward to grab the control. He tossed it at her and she caught it. “Just thanks. Now show me how good you are on the tee.”

 

She laughed and set her beer down and snuggled in beside him. He laid there watching her play, eating his pizza and drinking his beer. For about 3 months he had been battling with himself, keeping his mind off fighting with Britney and then after they broke up, keeping his mind off wanting to be back with her and missing her and being infuriated with her. But he didn’t think about Britney anymore, he thought about Kristen. She had helped him get over his supposed one true love.

 

She made him happy and whether she knew it or not, she was making him realize that there was much more to his life than a childhood girlfriend, screaming fans and a celebrity-status that he was getting rather tired of.

 

With Kristen there was a lot more to the Justin Timberlake from Memphis than he realized.

A week later

It had been awhile since she had been able to chill with him and that was getting on her nerves. Sure she had seen him. He had passed her in the hallway 3 times that day and had smiled and said hey and even winked at her once. Two nights before, he had knocked on her door right before she was going to bed and said he had just wanted to kiss her goodnight. So, he had kissed her and then left. She hadn’t been able to chill with him on the bus since the van got fixed and she felt it was her duty to go back to living on the van with Rick. But it had been a about a week since she was able to hang out with him, watch a movie, take a nap, talk, snuggle, make out, whatever.

It was starting to make her wonder if he was having second guesses about their relationship or whatever it was.

She sighed and wished to God she wasn’t walking up a bazillion steps, like it seemed she was. One of the toy bikes had been missing. Of course it was Chris’s designated one and of course he had looked at her sheepishly and said "opps I think I left it up in the rafters." Finally, she made it to the top section of the arena, wishing he had remembered where the hell he had left the bike up there. It was a pretty big area to search.

And having the guys be in the middle of soundcheck wasn’t the best way to keep her doing her work. She searched but found herself leaning against the railing and staring down to their 3 inch high bodies from her view and listening to them sing and talk with the hundred or so fans in front of the stage.

She started thinking about her and Justin and wondered how they were going to work. She hadn’t really put much thought into the future of her and him until the past few days when she had been a little, well, lonely. It made her doubt herself, his feelings and the basis of their relationship all together. She didn’t feel like she was good enough for him and even though he had said he wasn’t on the rebound, she had to wonder if that was the truth or not. Would he even know if he was on the rebound?

She shook her head and started to look around some more. She thought she spotted something suspicious over about 3 sections, so she headed over to see if it was the missing bike. In the middle of her walk she listened to the boys answer some of the fans questions and even though she couldn’t really hear was the fans were asking, she could hear the guys repeat the question and then answer it.

One of the questions was "Are you guys single?" She thought it was a very cliché question but had to wonder what Justin would say. Joey said he had a girlfriend, Chris and Lance said they were dating around, JC said he was single and she waited as Justin stood there with the microphone poised in front of his mouth, just smiling at the crowd, being the cocky bastard he was.

JC told him to stop playing around and he finally laughed and said, "Well it’s no big surprise that me and Britney aren’t together so you guys just take that and run with it." He paused and then let out, "Technically, I’m single."

A few girls cheered and she could tell by his posture and the little chuckle he let out into the microphone that he was a little uncomfortable answering that question. She tried not to read into anything. It was a very smart answer to the question. But the "technically" part confused her. Did that mean he was single, or that he was single by most people’s terms because he didn’t really have a steady girlfriend?

They were just dating. Right?

Ugh. Stop it. Find the fuckin’ bike and leave this place.

She balled her hands in fists and tried her best to look for the bike. The suspicious thing she had found wasn’t anything, it was just how the railing and chairs had looked from a distance. By the time she had looked over pretty much the whole upper deck, the sound check was over. The guys had left the stage and the fans had gone somewhere else in the venue. She leaned over the railing and let her arms and hair hang upside down as she groaned.

"Hey lil Kay?"

She looked up, well down, and saw one of the lighting crew, someone they called "Blade", looking up at her from the lower deck. Beside him was the missing bike.

"This yours?"

"YES! Leave it there. I’m coming to get it!" She walked towards the steps and made her way down to the lower deck. Once she got there Blade and the bike were missing.

"What the-"

"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."

She tried not to smile at his goofy voice but couldn’t help it. A grin broke out on her face and when she turned and saw him straddling the missing trick bike that looked like it was 2 sizes too small she found herself swooning at his smile.

"What are you doin’?"

He smiled and repeated, "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."

"You’ve lost it." She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. He was looking too good in just jeans and a T-shirt, with his famous red, white and blue trucker hat, tipped back on his head.

"Actually I’ve found it. Little rumor has it that Chris left his toys scattered about." He leaned his arms on the handle bars and set his chin on where they crossed.

She sighed and leaned against one of the chairs. "Yeah he had me all up in the upper rafters lookin’ for it."

"I thought that was you."

"You saw me?"

He smiled at her genuinely and it made her want to jump in his arms and hug him. But they hadn't come to the part in their relationship where she felt she had the right to do that. She was still very cautious about everything she did with and to him. And whenever she saw him in public it was almost as if she was trying got hide herself feeling too much, afraid others might see and start questioning her. She didn’t want people asking her things she didn’t know the answer to. "Yup you were watchin’ sound check."

She waved at him to let him know she wanted him to follow her and started to walk towards the stage. "I was interested in your response to the single question. Technically, eh?"

He smiled and maneuvered the bike down the steps. "Yup. Technically single. I’m not married. But, I do have a date tonight."

She looked over at him and he rode the bike, swerving side to side. "Oh really?"

"Yup. Come out with me after the show."

"Won't you be tired?"

"Nope. We ride all tomorrow."

"You get grumpy when you are sleepy."

Suddenly the bike was in front of her blocking her path and Justin had widened his eyes, pleading with her. He even took her hands in his. It took all of her will power to concentrate on what he was saying. He was touching her, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Normally, she would scold herself for her thoughts and actions but she was too far gone to care at this point. "I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I’ll even be peppy. I haven’t gotten to hang out with you. Please. Pretty pretty please."

"I guess. What are we going to do?"

He smiled and started to pedal away. "It’s a surprise."

She immediately started to whine, she really didn’t want to chase him on the bike, but he was looking too cute for words. She pouted and started to slowly follow him and he must have gotten her message because he had stopped by the entrance to backstage that the security used. She shuffled over to him and walked ahead of him into backstage. "You’re gonna get in trouble with your damn surprises, ya know?"

"You’re gonna love me. Oh my God, you’re gonna wanna hump my leg."

She stopped and turned to look over her shoulder. She lowered her voice and tried not to laugh when she seductively whispered out, "Who says I don’t now?"

The pout on his face was priceless and she really hoped that where ever they were going right then, would lead to a room with no one else in it. "Don’t tease."

"Sorry, I’ll be good."

She walked and he slowly rode the bike to the toy room in silence. A few people said hey to them but no words were exchanged between the two of them. In the toy room, Justin put the bike over by the others and Kristen plopped down on the couch. The room was empty, and now her and Justin were alone.

A smile broke out on her face. "I’m gonna shower and change and stuff here after the show, so just stick around, we’ll leave straight from here."

The door closed gently and she looked up to see him walking over from it with a smirk on his face. "Alrighty."

He sat down on the floor beside the couch, near where her midsection was resting and leaned his head back against the cushion. He sighed and she looked down at him as he turned his head to her and said, "Ya know, the rain in Spain…"

She smacked his head lightly with her hand and made pitiful whining noises to try and annoy him a little. She liked annoying him. It got him frustrated and cute and when he looked like that he was so incredibly hot she didn’t know what to do with herself. "I know I know, it stays mainly on the plain. Why are you saying that? It’s pissing me off. You know I almost cried when I missed that movie on tv the other day."

She heard him shuffling around and when she looked at him he was pushing himself off the floor and trying to get her to scoot over. She did and propped herself up on her side and he laid down on his side beside her, facing her. He smiled and ran his hand up and down her side. "I know. I just like annoying you."

She stuck her tongue out him and he stuck his back at her. It made her giggle at how goofy he was with her at times. He seemed very genuine with her, and that made her feel good. "Guess what Chris is thinking about buying and making yall lug around?"

"Dear God, what?"

He smiled and let his hand wander underneath her baby tee that had rode up a little. She took in a deep breath when his hand touched the skin of her back but he seemed to not notice. "Pinball machine. Wouldn’t that be kick ass?"

"Actually yeah. But don’t expect me to lug it around at you say."

He chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss her nose, a habit of his that she wasn’t going to start to try to make him break. "You can do it. You’re buff."

She had done well with learning how to hide her shock and girliness when he did things like that. But after not really being with him for a couple days her resolve had broken a little and even though what she wanted to say came out clearly without any stuttering or girliness, her insides were in a big mess of nothing. "Pshh."

He wiggled a little against her leaned in to give her an extremely small kiss. Too small in Kristen’s mind. "You’re also sec-say."

"I’m also being MOLESTED."

He pouted at her and she wanted him to kiss her again. "Be nice."

She was hoping that she could annoy him so much he’d want to keep her quiet, like he had done several times before with his mouth, so she pushed him. "With you around? Kinda hard to do."

His pout grew bigger and her urge to have a full-on make-out session with him grew more intense. "I don’t have to take you out tonight, ya know?"

"Good. I don’t really wanna go out, I just kinda felt bad since you had it all planned and shit." She smiled but he seemed to get very serious and somber.

"Really?"

She held back a laugh as he acted sad. "Yeah. I’m tired I don’t wanna do anything but sleep."

"Oh. Well that’s ok. You go sleep."

But then he rolled away from her and started walking to the door. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were slumped. "Justin…"

"I gotta go do some shit. I’ll see ya later." He waved his hand at her and she was starting to wonder if he was acting or if he was really pissed off or whatever.

"Justin…"

"Have a good night."

She jumped up and ran after him before he was able to open the door. "JUSTIN!"

He looked down at her with an unhappy look. "What?"

She looked at him sincerely and figured she’d get what she’d be wanting and convince him she wasn’t a total bitch. The door was still pretty much closed so she felt confident to lean up and kiss him. She pulled away shortly after it began and looked him in the eyes. "I’m shittin you."

But before she was able to lean back in he started to chuckle and in a silly voice he said, "You said you didn’t wanna go…"

Her eyes narrowed and she realized he was just playing around as well. She hit his shoulder and gritted out, "Asshole."

He just laughed and then ruffled her hair, which made her even more pissed off. What she hated the most was that he was annoying and pissed her off more than anything but she loved that about him. She loved that he knew how to get under her skin. And he was so fucking cute doing it. "So you gonna be ready by 11:30 or so?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure."

"Kay. I gotta go do some shit. See ya then."

He opened the door and started to walk away. She waved at him and leaned against the door. "Bye JT."

He turned around and blew her a kiss. "Bye my little babydoll." A couple of the crew members were close by and when she looked at them they were all looking at her like they were trying to figure something out. It made her nervous and when she gave him a look that said "shut up" he just busted out laughing and started to slowly jog away.

She groaned and slammed the door before walking over and flopping down on the couch. He knew how to get under her skin alright.

-------

Around 12:30

Justin sat down beside her and handed her a huge cup of Sunkist. She narrowed her eyes at him and set her drink in the drink holder. He hoped she’d like the date. He had been planning for the past few days, and even though Melinda seemed to be extremely frustrated with the task he had asked her to do, she had pulled through for him and found everything he needed. Now he was with Kristen, about to make her really happy, so he hoped. She seemed skeptical when they got there, but he had squeezed her hand and took her into the theater and let her pick wherever she wanted to sit. He had left her to get them popcorn and drinks and now he was sitting beside her as the lights dimmed.

"So what are we watching?"

"You’ll see."

The movie started and soon the opening theme music and credits began to roll. He watched her as she watched the screen. Her eyes lit up in recognition, he watched her mouth drop and her turn a little towards him, not blinking, not moving her gaze from the screen. "I-is this?"

"Yes."

"T- this is my favorite movie of all time." She said in a whispered tone.

He kept watching her reaction and finally she turned to him and he saw that a tear had escaped her eye. The last thing he had wanted to do was make her cry. He felt like an idiot right then. "I-I’m sorry."

"You really need to stop doing all this nice stuff for me."

As soon as she said it he felt her clobber him in a hug. His anxiety about upseting her left, and it made him feel good that he could make her that happy, but it was still weird seeing her cry. This was Kristen, and he didn’t think she had it in her to cry, at least that easily. He knew she was hiding a lot, and he knew there was a lot of pain she didn’t let anyone see. He wanted to open her up and find out more, and he hoped by hitting the right spots, like his movie idea did, he would succeed in his task.

"I can't believe you did this for me." She pulled away a little bit and he realized that the armrest between them was sticking him in the ribs. He pulled away and pushed the damned thing up and then wrapped her back up in his arms. He looked her in the eyes as she stared at him closely, unbelievingly, trying to search for false motives.

"Believe it, Kristen." She stared at him some more and he couldn’t help himself from leaning down and kissing her. He pressed his mouth to hers and she immediately opened up to him, holding him tighter, wrapping her arms around him and surging her tongue against his. He pulled away breathless and turned her a little. Maybe he was just being cocky but he had a good feeling that if he wanted she would make out with him for the duration of the movie. He didn’t want that. He wanted her to enjoy it. They had all night to do other stuff. "Let’s wait until afterwards. Last time I saw this movie I was in 6th grade so I’d prefer if you didn’t distract me from it."

She nudged him in the ribs at his snooty voice and pulled completely away from him. At first he was afraid his little snide joke had ruined the moment completely, but all she did was reach for her skittles and then curl herself entirely into the seat. She leaned on his shoulder and he had to put his arm around her to keep her from smushing his arm. He didn’t mind at all.

They watched the movie in almost silence. She ate her skittles and drank her drink and he watched her, a lot more than he watched the movie. He watched her mouth the words and sing along silently with some of the songs. She would reach over and steal some popcorn that was planted in between his thighs and then snuggle against him, her head against his chest.

He liked being with her like that. He liked her. It was different being with her than it was with Britney. He knew what to do with Britney, he knew his boundaries and he knew exactly what to do to get her to do something for him. With Kristen it was like an experiment. He didn’t know what to say or do, and he didn’t know how far he could push things, anything, with her. It was exciting and new, and he hoped that as their relationship progressed it didn’t get old.

He had a feeling it wouldn’t, couldn’t happen with Kristen. She was too much of a firecracker to let that happen. Her and Britney were very different about things. If he had don’t something like this for Britney she would have "awed" a million times and hugged him and kissed him. She wouldn’t have been utterly shocked or moved, and if she was her girliness would have completely taking over and she would say things more like "oh my god, Justin! You are so sweet!"

Kristen wasn’t use to having people do things for her, and it was refreshing to see her be completely grateful. Britney’s reactions always seemed a little fake, but what do you expect from someone who pretty much has had someone do everything for her since she was 16, or earlier?

Kristen was a normal girl, and while she wasn’t completely normal, she wasn’t a famous person. She was a regular citizen and didn’t have any special treatment or expectations or false visions of who she was. It was one of the things he liked best about her. He had thought a lot about what it was exactly that had drawn him to her. There were a lot of things: her humor, her cute face and tiny body, her temper and attitude, her feistiness. But probably what got him to notice all that was her attitude towards him. She didn’t give a damn who he was or what he did for a living. She saw him for who he really was, not the guy that sang and dance, not the guy that was on MTV all the time, not the guy with too many cars and bikes. To her, he was just Justin, someone only a few people got to really know.

And if he wasn’t careful, he was gonna let that get to him, and he was going to fall. He had not met many girls that had treated him as just Justin since he had got in Nsync. Britney treated him as just Justin, and it was probably why he loved her so much. She saw past everything else and she had known him from before the fame. Kristen acted like she had known him from before the fame.

The movie really wasn’t Justin’s type, but he wasn’t really paying much attention to it. Kristen was the movie he was watching. When Eliza made her appearance at the horse track Kristen whispered, "God, she’s beautiful, I wish I could be like that." He leaned down and whispered "you are" and he could see the blush in her face even in the dark room. She shied a little away from him and sarcastically said, "yeah right."

He brushed off her sarcasm and continued with the movie. The movie dragged on and finally the end neared and the ballroom scene where Professor Higgins successfully makes people believe Eliza is a princess came. He was thoroughly enjoying the scene, enjoying watching a classic beauty like Audrey Hupbern on screen. He glanced over when the Queen had called Eliza "charming" and was shocked to see tears streaming down her face. It wasn’t really a sad movie to him, maybe a little touching to see such a poor, low-class girl be transformed into amazement, but definitely nothing tear worthy. Britney had been such a crier at movies and even his mom was, but he would bet money they wouldn’t cry at this scene. It made him wonder what was going on in her head, and he would have asked, but he didn’t want to ruin her movie for her.

He thought her crying was bad at the ballroom scene, but when the next scene came, where Eliza gets mad and throws the slippers at Prof. Higgins, he had another thing coming. Kristen turned in his arms and clung to him. He could hear her whisper over the movie the same words Eliza was screaming, "That's enough for you. I don't matter, I suppose…"

He looked down at her and her hand gripped his shirt tighter. She kept on whispering along, "Because I wanted to smash your face. I could kill you, you selfish brute. Why didn't you leave me where you picked me out of in the gutter? You thank God it's all over, now you can throw me back again there, do you? What am I fit for? What have you left me fit for? Where am I to go? What am I to do and what's to become of me?"

He wondered if this had anything to do with her dad. He wanted so desperately to get the bottom of her sadness. It was her favorite movie, so he kept thinking to himself that maybe it just got to her more because she was so into it and liked it so much. He made a note to ask her later.

The movie was over soon after and when the lights came back on he stayed motionless and so did she. Todd was sitting down further off to the side of the theater. Justin had offered to pay for him to see one of the other movies that the theater was showing, instead of the reel he had to have Melinda go search for and ship to him, but he said he wanted to watch "My Fair Lady". Justin wanted to make some smart-ass comment to him about it but decided not to since he was staying up and doing a favor for him.

Kristen sniffed.

"So…?"

"That was perfect. Thanks."

Her voice was quiet and timid and totally not like his normal Kristen.

"You ok?"

"Wonderful." She buried her face in his chest and held him tightly. He heard her sigh.

"You sure you're ok?"

She looked up at him through red eyes and nodded. "Uh huh."

"Ready to go?"

She nodded again and let him go. She stood up as well as him and they both stretched, she yawned.

Justin’s left side went numb from where she had been pressed into him for a good 2 and half hours. He started to whine.

She snapped back into a slouch after stretching. The mischievously look was back in her eyes when she pursed her lips and said, "Whut?"

"Thanks to you, half of my body is NUMB!" He over-reacted and hoped that the mood would lighten. He wasn’t use to it being so serious with them. He liked to think of their time together as his "play-time." The emotional part of their relationship hadn’t really been pried into much, other than the night she had opened up to him, and even though he eventually wanted to bridge that gap and dive into a more emotional level with her, he wasn’t really sure if he was ready to quite yet, and he didn't know how if that’s what she wanted.

"You had major points with me up until now. You have been nice and caring and dare I say romantic. And now I want to punch you. Ya know you really are a mystery JT."

"Ain't it great?!"

He started to turn and lead them out but she pulled him back. "Don’t just leave that!"

He turned and saw her picking up the half eaten popcorn bag. "It's a movie theater. They clean up after you."

"SO! I might eat that later. Movie popcorn is high dollar. Save that shit."

He thought about telling her how much it cost him to privately reserve the whole theater, find a "My Fair Lady" wide-screen reel and have it shipped first class to him, but he figured that would look like he was bragging about his financial situation and didn’t want to make her pissed off or anything.

She grabbed his hand and locked their fingers together as they walked to the SUV they had came in. Todd didn’t say much to them and they didn’t say much to Todd as he drove them back to the hotel. Kristen leaned against him with her eyes closed and he held her. He didn’t know what was going on but he felt them reaching some new level. They were just around each other and he was very content, she seemed so as well.

Before he realized it they had made it to the elevator and were going up. He started to press her number but she pulled his arm and shook her head. "You don’t-"

Todd turned to look at them and she just pleaded with him silently. He realized she wanted to stay with him that night, but she didn’t want to say anything and Todd get suspicious. He just smiled and she leaned against his shoulder a little more.

They all got off at the top floor and Justin nodded his thanks to Todd and they were left alone to walk to his room. They got in quickly and as soon as the door shut, it happen.

She attacked him.

----

He had been amazing that night. She couldn’t believe he, him, of all people, were treating her like she was a queen. She couldn’t imagine all the trouble he had to go to get a film reel of "My Fair Lady" and reserve a theater just for them and what not and all she wanted to do was repay him some way. The only way she knew how was to attack him.

As soon as he got the door open she let her doubt and insecurities fly away and she grabbed his face in her hands and planted a wild kiss on his lips, kicking the door close with her foot and dropping her Skittles and "high dollar popcorn" bag on the floor. She didn’t know what had possessed her but she didn’t give a damn. She wanted him badly.

She heard him suck in a deep breath, trying to figure out what was going on, but he didn’t protest. And when she pushed him back against the bed and crawled up on top of him, he just looked at her. She straddled him and pressed her hips into his.

His eyes closed and she leaned in to kiss his lips. She couldn’t stop. Her hips grounded into him and soon she felt him pressing into her. He groaned in her mouth and flipped them over so he was on top. She gasped when she felt his hands surged up underneath her tee and cup her breasts, squeezing slightly.

He pulled away and stilled his hands over her. "S-sorry."

She let out a deep breath and looked up at his shocked eyes. "I’m the one that attacked."

His hands left her shirt and he rolled over on his back, slinging a hand over his eyes. "We should probably stop."

"Should we?" She looked over at him and immediately felt rejected. Did he not want her? What was going on? She had all but laid herself on a platter for him and now he was turning her down.

She felt like running away and crying.

The arm covering his eyes slid off slowly and he stared at her. "You wanna keep going?"

"I…I think."

"Okay…." They stared at each other a little more and finally he propped himself up on his side and smiled genuinely down at her. "Just, tell me when and if to stop."

"I don’t want you to stop."

He looked good enough to eat and that's exactly what she wanted to do. She latched her arms around his neck and brought his lips down to hers. She kissed him hungrily not being able to stop herself from trying her damnedest to rub her crotch against his. It felt good touching him like that. She felt wanted and sexy and it felt good to her. A thought entered her mind that just maybe she was being a whore, but it left as soon as she was able to spread her legs and pull him on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him and let her tiny hands roam over his back.

He went with her willingly and she smiled to herself when she felt him grinding into a little bit, and his breath sharp against her mouth. But then she started pulling at his shirt and had it half up his torso when she felt his lips away from him and his body loose contact with hers. "Kristen…"

She looked up and he was on all fours above her, keeping his body from touching hers. Her eyes began to well up with tears when reality hit her. She had been drunk on something, him, love, something; she didn’t know what it was but now seeing him hang his head and make sure his body wasn’t contacting hers, she knew. He didn’t want her. She was just something of a play thing to him. Someone to keep him company and help him get over Britney.

She felt like nothing. She felt like a little girl. She felt small. She felt embarrassed and cold and wanted to leave. Her voice came out a whisper, "You don’t want me?"

She looked away towards the balcony of his room and didn’t hide the tears that were starting to fall. She felt him sigh and his body relaxed gently down on hers. She felt him. So maybe he did want her, but he wasn’t going to let himself fall for her. Stupid guys.

She felt his hand on her cheek, pulling her until she was looking at him. His thumb brushed underneath her eye. He leaned up and kissed her briefly but she didn’t kiss him back. She was too wounded. He looked her directly in the eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. "As much as I would love to have sex with you right now, I think- It’s kinda soon isn’t it?"

She pushed him away and curled up into a ball on her side. She didn’t know what to do anymore. With each moment her feelings for him were become more clear, she was falling for him. But with her clarity became confusion. She didn’t know how to act on her feelings. She didn’t know what was acceptable and she didn’t want to do anything that would ruin what they had.

She wouldn’t admit it to herself, and most of all him, but she needed him more than she let on. He made her feel worthy of attention, he made her feel like she was special. She had never felt that way, ever. Her voice was desperate and she tried to choke back tears, "I don’t know. I've never been with a guy. I’ve never had a relationship like this I don’t know what the fuck I'm doing here Justin."

Warmth surged back to her when his front pressed into her back and his arm slung over her and found her hand by her mouth, where she was biting her nails. His lips kissed her ear and he whispered, "Shhh. Stop worrying and thinking about it. Let's just see where it goes. I might be horny but I’m not stupid and I’m not gonna do something tonight that I’m going to regret later."

That just made the nail shut the coffin. She pulled away from him and stood up. If she wasn’t so hurt she would have cussed him out and kicked him in the balls. He had managed to make her feel like nothing. "Thanks."

She started to walk to the door when she heard his voice call out with a bit of laughter. "Kristen, if I didn’t care about you I’d have you bouncing on me right now."

Her eyes all but popped out of her head and she turned on her heel, wondering if she had heard him correctly. "WHAT?!"

He busted out laughing and fell over on the side of the bed. "You should see your face."

She rolled her eyes at him. He wasn’t making this easy. She couldn’t tell what was so funny and didn’t know why he was so fucking easy-going about everything. She didn’t know what this meant for their relationship but knew if they "did" something it would carry them to a new level. She growled at him. "So now I’m a little slut."

He sighed and pushed himself off the bed, walking determinedly over to her. He grabbed her face in his hands and shook her a little. "Ugh, don’t start fighting with me girl. I said IF I didn’t care. But I DO care, a lot, a whole lot. And I don’t wanna rush this just yet." He leaned down and kissed her. She started to talk but he cut her off. His lips sucked at hers and before she knew it his tongue was battling against hers, surging and tasting and making her numb. She had to grab on to him to keep from falling. She couldn’t ever being kissed like this before. She felt passion inside of her, desire, heat, and damn it all, love.

He was turning her into a wimpy romance novelist.

His lips started trailing down her chin and neck, licking here, nipping there, sucking everywhere. Her head tilted to the side and she breathed deeply, holding his head to her neck. "But ugh…"

He started walking backwards and she went with him. "What is it?"

"I want…Can we still-"

His head lifted to hers and his eyebrows wiggled boyishly at her. "Oh I have every intention of doing something tonight."

"Like what?"

She squealed when he picked her up and plopped her on the bed, her head resting on the pillows. "I haven’t decided yet."

He crawled over her determinedly and spread her legs apart. He settled himself in-between them groaning slightly when his arousal pinned against the crotch of her oversized jeans. Her hands slid over his shoulders and she watched his face as he ground into her a little. It felt good to her but by the look on his face it was heaven. She liked the way he looked right then. It made her feel wanted.

He looked up at her with his fierce blue eyes and lifted his head to hers, his hips shifting against her in the process. He kissed her thoroughly and she pulled away breathless, saying, "T- thank you."

"For what?"

She smiled, realizing he didn’t know how special he was to her. "Tonight."

He smiled and winked at her. "It’s not over with yet."

She looked back at him with a smile and before she knew it her tee shirt was thrown across the room as well as his. His skin felt good against hers but his mouth felt even better. Soon his hand was underneath her bra, massaging her and causing her breathing to be ragged. Her other hand stayed on his head as his lips trailed over the small swell of her breasts.

"Y-you can take it off if you want."

He took in a deep breath and looked up at her with a smile. They had since turned off the light and were laying there in their jeans, tangled and pressed together like horny teenagers. "I'd rather leave it on. Any more clothing on the floor and I might not be able to hold back."

She felt him press against her thigh and couldn’t deny the pleasure she felt from knowing he was hard for her. "You feel good."

He kissed in-between the valley of her small breasts, his hands on both of them now, squeezing and making the material of her black bra press into her back. "So do you, girl."

He lifted the material of her bra up over her chest a little. It was still on her but she was exposed to him. She wanted to cover herself up or something but before she had the change he had leaned down to kiss the tip of one of her breasts. She couldn’t even remember how it had gotten this far but she didn’t care. It felt good, he felt good and she wanted more. "D-do that thing again."

He smiled against her skin and moved over to gently press a tender kiss to her other nipple. "What thing?"

She gasped when he started to suckle against her a little and he ran his fingers in circles over the other one. He definitely was an expert at this stuff, she just hoped she was making him feel half as good as he was making her feel. "Where you're pressed into me."

"Where my dick is…"

She started to giggled and pushed him away a little. "Don’t say dick."

"Why not?" He smiled and it gleamed in the dark light at her.

"Makes it pornish."

He put her breasts back in her bra safely and she felt a sense of sadness in the gesture. She wanted him to play a little more. "You and your pornos."

He looked down at her body and she watched him eye her cautiously. His hand was rubbing across her small tummy and his lips were pressed into the side of her neck. One of his legs was over hers and he was pressing himself into her hip still. "You gonna do it or not."

"No."

"Why?"

His lips grazed up to her ear and he sucked on her earlobe slightly before whispering, "I have other plans."

It took her a while to regain her senses. He really, truly was sexy. He was making it so hard to keep from flipping him over and practically raping him. She now understand every single one of his fans obsession and couldn’t help but wonder what the hell they would do in her situation. "You gonna share?"

"Let me touch you." He whispered.

"You are- o-oh…" It was then when she felt his hand working on the button and zipper of her jeans. She looked down and she felt his eyes on her face. He kissed her cheek.

"Please?"

She turned her head and nodded, getting lost in his eyes. Honestly, she was terrified. She didn’t know what this felt like, she could barely remember what sex felt like and even though everything up until then had felt like heaven, she was scared of the feelings he was building inside of her. "O- ok…"

"Are you wet for me?"

She rolled her eyes at his attempt to be sexy or whatever it was. "Now I know why your friend calls you 'Dirty'."

"You don’t like talking dirty when you're making out and shit?"

She turned to him and looked at him shyly. "I…I wouldn’t know."

He seemed to understand her at that moment. He nodded and leaned in to kiss her, helping her relax. His forehead stayed against hers as he whispered, "Have you ever been fingered before Kristen?"

"N-no."

He kissed her again and gently slid his one of his hands underneath her jeans and panties. "Relax then. I promise I'll make you feel good."

He was slow with her, he coaxed her with his fingers and he let her take time and get adjusted to someone else touching her so privately. He asked her if she ever did this to herself and she immediately tried to hit him for being kinky. He then explained that he was just trying to get a feel for what she liked and that if she could help it would make it better for both of them.

She gave her affirmative reply and sighed out yeses whenever he did something she liked. She had touched herself before, even though she would never admit it, but never as intimately as he did. She had played and made herself feel good but never had she gone as far as he did.

Soon she was sighing his name and holding on to him tightly as he worked her out. His breath on her ear and the words on his tongue made it desperately hard for her to remain in control. Soon he added another finger, another movement, another word, another something.

She gasped for air and felt more vulnerable than she ever had.

She called out for him and he responded with, "I'm here, love."

All she could think was, He called me 'love'.

She painfully turned her head to see him looking at her face like he was trying to memorize it. He leaned in and kissed her briefly and whispered, "Let go."

And she did. She let go of it all. She gasped for him and he held her tight. Tears streamed from her face, not from pain but from some deep demon that he had somehow released.

She let it all out, let everything inside of her slip out.

It wasn’t until afterward, when she had calmed down and he was holding her tightly and whispering to her how sexy she was that she realized she hadn't done one damn thing to please him. And when she tried, he pulled away and said "not tonight."

She looked at him in question and he just kissed her and told her that there would be plenty of times and nights to make it up to him, but that that night, that very special night, was her night.

It was her night, all because of him.

She laid there in his arms for a long time, pretending to be asleep but unable to rest. She wanted to wake him up and tell him what was on her mind, tell him what she was dying to say.

Maybe she was rushing it. All he had really done for her was take her to the zoo and he had shown her her favorite movie and fingered her and made her have an orgasm and now she was in love.

She scolded herself for letting herself fall so easily.

She held him tighter and felt him sigh beneath her in a deep sleep.

She thought to herself, to hell with falling in love. She had been careful, over-cautious with her heart for far too long. She was ready to let someone in. She was ready to let him in. She was ready to get over the wounds of her past.

And it was about damn time.

The Next Morning

 

He rolled his eyes.

 

Son of a bitch.

He sighed and looked down at his body, trying not to bump into himself as he lathered up. He had woken up relaxed and yet somehow tensed. The relaxation came from sleeping beside Kristen; the tension came from not getting off the night before. He didn’t mean to be a perv or whatever but it had been a hell of a long time since he had had any. The last time he had sex was about 3 or 4 months prior, and now that he thought about it, Kristen was the only girl he had kissed since Britney, the only girl he had even shown affections for. He hated getting himself off and it took all of his strength the night before to push her away and keep her from pleasing him, because damn he wanted it.

 

But he didn’t want to scare her and he didn’t want to push her. He wasn’t one of those guys.

 

He rinsed off and looked down at himself again. He almost laughed. It was a pathetic sight.

 

He was about to turn the shower to as cold as he could stand when he thought he heard a soft knock on the door. His head shot up and he had to strain to hear his name being called out.

 

He pushed his head out behind the cream shower curtain to see if he was hearing things or not. The door was cracked about two inches open and he saw her peeking in, but keeping her eyes on the floor. “Hey,” he called out so she could hear over the shower.

 

Her eyes shot up and the door opened a little more.

 

“Hi.”

 

She looked flushed and embarrassed. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Um…”

 

She had started to bite her lip and looked down a little bit. He saw her shift uncomfortably and then he started to get worried. She was going to tell him something bad, he could feel it. “What is it?”

 

She sighed and whined out. “I have to pee. Bad.”

 

He didn’t want to laugh at her and piss her off but he couldn’t help the smile that came to his face. So much for the “something bad” theory. He cleared his throat. “I’m almost done.”

 

“Hurry.” Her eyes demanded that he was quick and he brought himself back under the stream of water, chuckling lightly.

 

“Ok.”

 

He tried to be as quick as possible, hating that he didn’t have time to take care of his problem with cold water or whatever. He turned the water off, stepped out and wrapped himself in a towel, not bothering to dry himself off.

 

He swung the door open and she looked up at him surprised. He tried not to smirk when her eyes darted down to take in the length of him and then darted back up. She blushed when she was caught. He stepped aside and motioned with one hand towards the bathroom while the other kept his towel covering him. “All yours mi lady.”

 

“Th-th-thanks.”

 

He walked over to his overflowing duffle bag, grabbed a pair of boxers and after patting himself down a little, he slipped them on. He heard the toilet flush and walked back over to the bathroom. When the door opened he stepped past her and towards the sink.

 

“Feel better?”

 

He wiped the mirror with his used towel to get rid of the steam and found her standing in the doorway, staring at him. After they had done their playing, as he called it, the night before, he had given her his undershirt to sleep in and he had stripped down to his boxers. The shirt barely covered her thighs and he could see her nipples underneath the thin white cotton. He forced his eyes to look away when he realized they were hard. He damned her in his mind for knocking on the bathroom door. He needed more time.

 

“Y- yeah thanks.”

 

He tried to ignore her as he got ready to shave. He didn’t want to find himself in a position where he couldn’t control himself. All he could think about was her tiny body but nice curves pulling and tightly fitting in his thin shirt. The male part of him wanted to bend her over and take her right there over the sink. But the gentleman in him won out of course, and he busied himself with applying shaving cream to his face and telling himself that thinking like he was would end up causing him to probably shave a lip off and then he wouldn’t be able to sing ever again and then his life would be ruined and he’d die unhappy.

 

That was the thought that kept his mind off her. A couple minutes later, right after the first stroke against the skin of his face he looked over at her, with a smirk. She was still staring.

 

“Interesting huh?”

 

“Very. You look like Santa.” He chuckled. He had never really thought about that before but when he looked at himself in the mirror he did kind of, with a fake beard of white foam on his face. It was quiet and he was almost done shaving when she coughed a little and said, “I um, I guess I should go back. I’m sure Rick’s looking for me.”

 

“Alright. Are you going to ride on my bus today?” He pouted a little when he saw she had crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“I should probably ride with Rick.”

 

He splashed water across his face and toweled it off. “He doesn’t need you. Please, pretty please. Don’t make me be alone with Chris.”

 

When he saw his pout wasn’t going to work he walked over to her and put his hands on her hips. She gave into him a little and let him pin her against the wall. There was space between them but he was keeping her close enough. He didn’t want to touch her too much and cause his naughty thoughts to come back.

 

“St-stop.”

 

He ran his finger down the side of her face and over her neck, down her side where he let his hands spread across her back and he brought her into a tight embrace. So much for keeping space between them. He pressed his head down by hers and whispered in her ear, “Why?”

 

“Because.”

 

He gave her a wet kiss below her ear and whispered arrogantly, “Because I’m just in my boxers. And you’re just in my shirt.”

 

“Y- yeah.”

 

He pulled away and realized she was breathing heavy and her eyes were wide and her forehead was wrinkled. She was nervous. “Relax Kristen. You’re thinking too much about this, us.”

 

Her eyes narrowed into slits at him. “Easy for you to say.” Before he knew it she had broke free of his hug and started to stalk back over into the room, picking up her clothes from the night before and putting them on.

 

“Hey, come back here.”

 

He was shocked to see her standing there topless in her jeans. Of course her back was to him but still. He readjusted himself while she wasn’t looking and it made him feel a little better. “Fuck riding on the bus today.”

 

He sighed and walked over to her, trying to help her with her bra strap and clasp it for her. She just shied away and gave him a look. “Fine I’ll ride with you.”

 

“There’s not another seat in the van, dumbass.”

 

“I’ll make room.”

 

She turned around and pulled the shirt over her head and torso. With a puff she rolled her eyes. “Justin…stop being annoying.”

 

“Please just ride with me. Just today.”

 

She sat on the bed tying her Vans and he leaned against the dresser pouting at her and trying to make her give into him. She was looking at him hard when she said, “You need to eat more.”

 

He was thrown off guard. “What?”

 

She shrugged. “You’re too skinny.”

 

He immediately took a defensive stance on the subject. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I eat a lot! Thanks mom. It’s what happens on tour. You’ve seen Joey and Chris. They’ve lost like 10 pounds each just by being on tour. And we eat more fast food and shit on tour than when we aren’t. Just the way it goes. Don’t preach to me about being skinny ‘miss I weigh 110 pounds’.”

 

She laughed at him and he was a little confused. He didn’t know if she was still mad at him or if she was making fun of him or what but then she just shook her head and tilted her head to the side, a caring look in her eyes. “Come here.”

 

“What is it?” He walked over to her with a smile: she was smiling, therefore he was smiling.

 

She wiggled her finger at him and urged him to lean down once he got in front of her. “You missed a spot of shaving cream.”

 

He leaned down and she reached up to rid him of the shaving cream left on the side of his face under his ear. But he kept leaning and put his arm around her and fell to the bed, nuzzling her neck and squeezing her tightly. He brought out a babyish voice. He used it with Britney a lot in the past and it always seemed to make the mood easier and run smoothly. “Tank yew.”

 

But she just wiggled a little out of his grasp. At times he felt he was the king of the fucking world: he knew how to push her buttons and knew how to tease her. But other times he just didn’t know what the hell was going on in her head and what the hell to do about it. “I need to go pack up my shit.”

 

He let her go and watched her from the bed as she stood up and started for the door. “Ok. Do what you want, but if you wanna ride on my bus know that the invitation is there.”

 

“Thanks.” She half smiled and continued to the door. He realized she was going to leave with that: no kiss, no goodbye, nothing. He shot up off the bed. He sure as hell couldn’t have that.

 

Before he had time to think he was on her, pushing her against the door with his body weight. He didn’t mean to be so animalisic but she was being so damn cute and sexy and stubborn and he couldn’t stop thinking about her hard nipples in the white shirt and her naked back and the way her body had felt the night before and the sound she made when he made her climax. His crotch tightened and he mentally told his penis to “calm the fuck down.”

 

He kissed her neck, sucking and then pulling away and blowing on her skin. He wanted to touch her more, wanted to kiss her more, wanted to do more. His lips made their way and right when they got to the corner of her mouth she sighed heavily and he felt her breath on his face. “I haven’t brushed my teeth.”

 

He hovered over her mouth and chuckled. “Do you really think I really care?”

 

Nothing could stop him. He planted his mouth on hers and didn’t waste anytime sweeping his tongue inside and pushing her body more into the door, his body pressed against hers. He felt her gasp a little when he pushed his crotch into her stomach. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind he was acting like a horney high school body getting to make out with the most popular girl in school but he couldn’t help it. She felt so fucking good.

 

Her skin was soft and her hands felt so tiny when they gripped on his shoulders. She kissed him back timidly, like she was afraid to do too much. He smiled against her kiss and dipped in to pull on her lip with his teeth a little.

 

He pulled back and looked her in the eyes directly. He wanted more with her. He wanted more physically, mentally, emotionally. He wanted to know more about her. He couldn’t stop himself.

 

I cant be on the rebound. It’s too much, too strong.

She smiled slightly and whispered against his lips. “S- see ya.”

 

He kissed her once more lightly, noticing that her lips were plump and red, bruised from what he had been doing seconds before. “Later beautiful.” He used a lower, quieter voice to tell her goodbye and smiled as she felt blindly for the handle of the door and slipped out.

 

He leaned his back against the door and looked down at himself again. He sighed.

 

Take your pick buddy. Ice cold water or my hand.

He stared at his crotch waiting for a sign. Nothing came to him so he just growled and pushed himself off the door and walked back into the bathroom, stripping himself of his boxers and angrily ripping back the shower curtain.

 

He was about to turn the water to cold when his hand move it to steaming hot.

 

He sighed and stepped in, thinking, sometimes a guy’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.

 

The shower curtain ripped back closed.

 

Mother fucker.

He rolled his eyes and moved his hand down his stomach, sighing with a bit of annoyment and a bit of relief as his hand made it to its destination.

--------

That afternoon

 

She was so close to him, yet so far away. It was a cliché thing to think but it was the truth. The 3 of them were crammed in the back area of the bus watching National Lampoon’s Vacation. She was curled up in a ball on the couch/booth thing across from Justin, who was sprawled out like a lion. Chris was lying down on his side in the middle of the U shaped couch. Three feet separated her and Justin and yet she felt like a million miles did.

 

She wanted to be curled up beside him. His position was so inviting with his arms across the couch back and his legs spread wide.

 

But Chris was there.

 

As soon as she had got on the bus Justin had smiled and cheered like he had won some big battle. She couldn’t help it. Being on a spacious bus with him for 6 hours was much more appealing than being with Rick in a cramped van with cigarette smoke filling her lungs, even though it would probably ease her nerves a little.

 

Chris laughed obnoxiously loud and she jumped. He didn’t notice but when she looked up Justin was giving her an odd look. Very subtly he patted the space beside him. She shook her head and turned her body sideways so she wasn’t looking directly at him and could fully focus on the movie.

 

She couldn’t look at him without thinking about how his body had felt against hers that morning, how he looked in a towel, how his fingers felt inside of her, how he had made her feel incredible the night before, how he hadn’t wanted anything in return, and how he had shown her My Fair Lady. That was the topper.

 

Her heart was telling her to jump on him and kiss and scream out that she loved him and forget that Chris was there.

 

But he was laughing too loud and she couldn’t forget. She didn’t want people knowing that she and Justin were together. She didn’t want people judging her as the tour whore. She didn’t want it getting out that Justin was fooling around with the toy girl on the Celebrity tour.

 

Too much was happening and it was all happening too fast.

 

He had told her to relax and stop thinking. But that was just something she couldn’t do, it wasn’t her nature.

 

Chris’s phone rang and scared the shit out of her. He mumbled an “oh shit” and looked up at them. “It’s mom. Might be a while.”

 

Justin stretched and she was able to see the lower part of his stomach. She forced her eyes up. “You want us to stop it or keep watching.”

 

She watched as Chris grabbed Justin’s shirt and pleaded with him overdramatically. “Stop it please. This is my favorite movie. I can not go on without it.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Justin pushed Chris off and he left without another word, shutting the curtain close behind him.

 

Justin stopped the movie and she sat there 3 feet from him, him obviously staring at her and her trying to damndest to ignore him.

 

“So that’s how you gonna play it, eh?”

 

She jerked her head towards him, almost pulling a muscle. “Huh?”

 

His head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed. He looked a little pissed. “Why you bein’ so damn distant?”

 

She played dumb. “What do you mean?”

 

“Why don’t you wanna sit by me? I don’t smell. I showered this morning.”

 

He half-laughed and she sighed. He had her backed into a corner and she didn’t know what to do about it. She knew what she wanted to do, but didn’t know what to do. “I just, Justin I don’t know if I want everyone else knowing that we’re…together.” She waved her hand in the air between them and she watched as a wide grin evilly spread on his face.

 

“So we are together, as in…” He drug out his words and the evil smile turned boyish.

 

She looked away shyly. He was making her feel all girly inside the way he was staring at her. “You know what I mean.”

 

“You mean Chris?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah.”

 

He started to chuckle and before she knew it he was leaning over on his side laughing so hard and holding his stomach. She didn’t see what was so damn funny, but it then he said through annoyingly loud laughter, “Girl he knows.”

 

“What?” Her eyes widened and she looked at him shocked. How the hell?

 

He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Now only a foot and half separated them. She could smell him and sense him. “He’s one of my best friends. I live with him on a bus for God’s sake. You don’t think he hears me moaning your name in my bunk.”

 

She couldn’t believe he just said that to her. She didn’t want to know. Ok, so it did kind of make her stomach flutter and a smile broke out when she thought of him thinking about…her. But still, he didn’t need to TELL her! “JUSTIN!”

 

He just laughed harder. “I love shocking you.”

 

“You’re so fucking dead.”

 

She stood up and his eyes followed her. He was smiling too big. She was ready to wipe it off his damn cute face. Damn him for shocking her and damn him for teasing her. Damn him for telling Chris and damn him for being so damn sexy. “Oh am I?”

 

“You asked for it.” With that she jumped on him and started tickling and hitting and trying her best to just annoy him.

 

Instead she found herself pinned underneath him. He didn’t hold back from laying his body weight on her, his hips on her, his legs in between hers, his stomach against hers, his laugh against her face. “It’s not working.”

 

She hit at him some more and finally gave up and pouted. “UGH! You SUCK.”

 

She looked up at him and he winked at her and moved his hips against hers a little. She couldn’t feel him as much as she did that morning when he had her pressed against the door. Her mind started working in overdrive.

 

PERV! STOP IT!

“Not what you said last night.”

 

Her eyes narrowed at his cocky attitude. “You’re two-“

 

But he cut her off and sighed, pulling a little of his body weigh off of her. “I know I know. Two seconds from loosing a testicle.”

 

He started to smile while he was looking at her. “What you smiling at?”

 

“You’re wearing your hair back.”

 

“So…”

 

She felt one of his hands start to run over the side of her head. It felt good, but she couldn’t admit that to him. “So…you know I like it pulled back from your face.”

 

“It was annoying me this morning, I didn’t want to have to deal with it.” She pouted a little when he started to laugh again. She couldn’t tell if he was making fun of her or just happy or what. It was annoying her. She didn’t want to be made fun of.

 

“When did you get all girly on me?”

 

She pouted even more. “I’m not girly.”

 

Before she was able to say anything more or protest or get her mind right, his pout was on hers. It was just for two second but it was enough to make her a complete puddle of mush. “It’s cute.”

 

The contrast of his warm body heat compared to how cold they kept the bus hit her. She could feel her body react to the temperature contrast and cursed herself for just wearing two tanks that day and not a bra, and not a sweatshirt like she knew she should have. She knew from past experience that the bus was always freezing, but she was more concerned with looking cute that morning than being practical.

 

Stupid girl hormones.

She wrapped her arms around him and brought him back down against her trying to get some of his warmth near her. She had forgotten about Chris by this point and really just wanted to be close to Justin and get warmer. “You’re warm.”

 

“No, I’m steamin’ hot.” He said in a cocky little voice.

 

She ignored it. “This bus is an icebox.”

 

“I’m sorry. You want a blanket?”

 

She nodded and used a babyish voice. “Pwease.” Immediately she scolded herself for being so damn girly and stupid and pathetic around him. It then dawned on her afterward when he gave her another quick kiss that all the mental bashing in the world wasn’t going to keep her from being girly and pathetic around him. It was just something she was going to have to come to terms with.

 

And then all that nice body heat left and he got up and said, “Kay hold on.” And then bent down and kissed her for a third time, this time lingering a little longer and pushing his tongue a little against her mouth. It wasn’t a full fledged tongue kiss but it was teasing and promising and then he pulled away and looked at her made her feel like she was the sexiest woman alive.

 

Something she had never felt until the night before.

 

She laid there quietly and alone for a couple minutes and then the curtain swung back open. But instead of Justin coming back it was Chris.

 

“I’m back. Sorry kid. Didn’t mean to take so long. But LOOK!” He smiled brightly at her and pushed a red plastic cup in her direction

 

“What?”

 

“I brought you a present.”

 

She took it and looked inside, seeing a familiar fizzy orange liquid in the cup. “Aww my favorite.”

 

Chris plopped down on the couch and searched for the remote. “See I can be a gentleman.”

 

“Hey, she’s mine aiight?”

 

Her head shot up as she was setting the drink behind her in a cup holder against a small counter and she saw Justin standing there with a navy fleece blanket in hand. Chris rolled his eyes and started messing with the remote to get the movie to start playing again. “Yeah, yeah whatever.”

 

“You’re blanket miss.”

 

She took the blanket and started to cover herself with it. “Thanks.” Justin sat down on the couch near her feet but made a point not to touch her. She didn’t know if he was testing her or complying with her wishes not to have anyone know they were together, but either way it made her feel bad and guilty. She didn’t want him to have to pretend to feel a certain way or act a certain way just because she was being a silly pansy. She pulled the blanket off of her and said quietly, “Come here.”

 

A bright smile erupted on his face and he crawled over to her. He looked at her a while and then stood back up and pushed her back up a little. He ended up maneuvering them so he was sitting behind her and she was laying against his chest and in-between his legs. His arms were around her and with the blanket covering them she felt his hands link with hers. She felt very comfortable and cozy against him. And then she looked over and saw Chris staring at them.

 

She gulped.

 

Chris sighed and turned his attention back to the movie. “All I ask is that you don’t hump in front of me.”

 

“Gross!”

 

But Justin didn’t seem to mind Chris’s comment and instead leaned down and moaned in her ear. “Mmmm.”

 

She felt his hips wiggling against hers playfully. She couldn’t afford for him to be flirty and shit then. He had told her there was no pressure from him to do anything but he was very flirty, in a sexual way, and she really didn’t know how to handle that. She hadn’t ever had a guy flirt with her that way before, let alone a guy that she actually liked and actually might potentially be sexual with. “Ok, get your nasty-ass crotch off me.”

 

Chris busted out laughing and she was happy that she had eased the awkwardness in the room a little. But then he leaned down and whispered in her ear, making a purpose to touch his lips and tongue to her ear lobe. “Yes ma’am.”

 

He said two words, two innocent words and yet the sound of his voice and the feel of his body against hers and his mouth and breath hot against her ear was almost as sexual if not more so than the time they had spent together the night before. He was teasing her, testing her, making her body and mind crazy.

 

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to handle this.

 

So she didn’t.

 

She sat there, staring straight ahead, watching the movie, listening to Chris laugh and trying her best to forget about the man that was sitting beside her, around her and doing a damn good job of getting under her skin. She felt awkward and she didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

Chapter 18

 

She learned, quickly, suddenly, amazingly, and in just one week that that awkward feeling needed to get out of her system. She had discovered it all the night before. Justin and her were in his bed like normal: his hands down her pants and his lips on her neck, and her hands lightly playing with the crowded crotch of his jeans, soliciting little moans from him that she thoroughly enjoyed.

 

It was when he pulled away and said, “Baby I’m gonna let go if you keep that up.”

 

And she had started to whisper, “I want-“

 

But stopped. He looked at her and she looked at him. His eyebrows furrowed and she laid there wondering if she was about to say what she thought she was. “What is it?”

 

“Nothing. I’m tired.”

 

He had pried and poked, literally trying to get her to tell him what was going on, but she just asked him to ask her in the morning and if they could sleep. He sighed and agreed.

 

But that morning she had slipped out of his room before he had woken up. She had gone back to her room, thankful that Marie had already left for her morning work out session. She laid on the bed, hot, bothered, horney as fuck and realized: That was the feeling.

 

She wanted him. She needed him. She had already started to fall in love with him and it dawned on her that morning that she was going to have sex with him. Not only was she GOING to, she wanted to, desperately.

 

The ride with Rick sucked because he was sitting there driving and asking her stupid questions and all she wanted to do was ask him about sex and what she should do and if Justin had ever said what he liked in sex and what she should wear, etc. etc.

 

But instead she stayed quiet and they listened to Nine Inch Nails in peace. When they arrived at the venue she tried to busy herself with work and not think about how much she wanted to have sex with Justin. But it kept chanting in her brain.

 

Justin. Sex. Justin. Sex. Justin. Sex. Justin. Sex.

 

I’m a whore.

 

She sighed.

 

Oh well…

 

She got all excited when she saw JC walk by the play room, hoping Justin was near. But it was only JC. In fact, Justin had been MIA since she had left him in bed that morning. No one really seemed to know where he was or care for that matter.

 

And it wasn’t until eight when she saw him. She had found a deserted room that was carpeted but seemed to be storage for chairs and folding tables. There was a small spot on the floor and she had brought her cd walkman and a pack of crayons and a Sponge Bob coloring book she had found at a gas station a couple days before. She listened to one of her mixed cds and colored for a while, still thinking about how she should leave the venue early and sneak into his hotel room and get in bed and wait for him.

 

And then she felt a presence, a shadow, something. She took off one ear of the headphones and didn’t hear a thing but the presence was still there.

 

She turned her head.

 

She didn’t even know he was laying down near her, but there he was, kissing her, his hand fumbling with the headphones to get them off her, his lips and tongue working against her. He pulled away and she sighed. “Hi.”

 

Her eyes met his and she immediately knew something was wrong. He looked way too serious. It made her nervous. “Why’d you leave this morning?”

 

She was so busy looking at him and trying to figure out what was going on, she didn’t pay attention to what he was saying. She breathed out, “Huh?”

 

“Why’d you leave?”

 

She snapped out of it. She couldn’t tell him her thoughts. She couldn’t let him know just yet. She got shy and pushed him away, focusing all her attention, or at least trying to, on the picture of Sponge Bob she was coloring. “Justin, aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for the show?”

 

“I am ready. Why’d you leave?”

 

She scoffed when he plucked the coloring book away from her and pushed her shoulder so she’d lean on her back and look up at him. She rolled her eyes, trying to be annoyed and trying to get him off her. It was affecting her too much and if she didn’t control herself they would be getting it on in the middle of the floor.

 

And that’s not how she wanted it to be. “Can we talk about this later?”

 

His mouth dropped a little, his eyes widened and the guilt that she had been thinking might come up did. She shouldn’t have left him that morning. She left him and disappeared, on purpose. “Do you know how fuckin worried I’ve been all day? Did I do something wrong last night? Did I hurt you? What is it?”

 

She sighed and sat up. He moved off of his slouched position, his eyes still begging hers, pleading that she tell him what was going on. But she couldn’t. Not yet.

 

Well Justin I really really love you and I’m horney as fuck so if you wouldn’t mind removing your pants…oh god, I am a whore!

“No, no Justin. Everything last night was perfect, shit, I just. Look, I don’t know. Why don’t we talk about it after the show ok? I’ll see you at the hotel ok?”

 

He sighed and gave her an unbelievable look. “I’ve been in hell all day thinking about this shit.”

 

She grabbed his hand and then leaned in to give him a quick kiss, trying her best to keep him from worrying too much. “It’s good. I promise. Nothing to worry about. Ok?”

 

He pouted. “Pwomise?”

 

“Don’t give me that baby shit.”

 

He pouted some more and leaned in, his breath getting close enough for her to feel it. “Can I get another kiss?”

 

She rolled her eyes and started to lean in. “You really are too in love with me.”

 

“So?”

 

But she pulled back, her eyes boring into his. Oh if he was it’d be perfect. Just perfect. “A- are you?”

 

He was still breathless, waiting for her to kiss him. “What?”

 

“Justin! Come on man!”

 

Her head shot to the door as well as his. People were starting to walk down the hallway in a big mass. The show was about to start. He turned back to her, his eyes a little more serious this time, his hand on her cheek, begging her to talk to him and let him in on this secret she was keeping. “What did you ask me?”

 

But not yet. It was going to be a surprise. And she was pretty damn sure he would like it when he came back to his room that night. “Just go. Have a good show.”

 

He rolled his eyes playfully and leaned back in for a quick kiss. He then pushed himself off the ground and gave her a half grin. “See ya babe.”

 

Then he disappeared.

 

And she was left alone.

 

Her thoughts were running on what that night would bring and her body was raging to have him next to her again. At first she was a little taken back and nervous about the idea of having sex with him, but now, the more she thought about it the more excited she got. And she couldn’t wait for whatever would happen.

 

It was going to be perfect.

 

Not to mention, tomorrow was her 20th birthday. She was sure no one knew and wanted to keep it that way. He would be a gift she gave herself.

 

What a way to celebrate finally not being a teenager anymore?

 

She couldn’t think of anything better.

 

 

-------------

 

The show had been hell. Lance’s microphone had stopped working less than halfway through the show, Chris had almost fallen off his rope swing and threw a tantrum, and he had been thinking about Kristen all night. Something was up with her, she was different and he didn’t know how to react to that. He heard what she asked him, saw her reaction and was scared out of his mind to think that love was starting to come into the equation.

 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t see himself falling for her. He already had in a sense, but he didn’t know if he was ready to tell someone that he loved them. That was a big step, a huge step. The last thing he wanted to do was say something and end up hurting her. He wanted to tell her the truth.

 

But he didn’t even know the truth.

 

She always talked about how the relationship was new to her and she didn’t know what she was doing. Well neither did he. Being with Britney was totally different than being with her. He couldn’t even compare them. He felt a lot of times she looked to him for the answers of what they were to do next and everything, but he honestly didn’t know.

 

They were both lost in their relationship.

 

It was 12:07. He was tired and wanted to crawl up beside her and sleep.

 

But when he made it to his room she wasn’t there. He had given her the extra key to his room and figured she would be there watching TV, eating skittles and say some smart ass comment when he entered.

 

But the room was pitch black.

 

He turned on the light and noticed something very odd about the room. The bed was pulled back nicely and neatly, not like the rumple of covers and sheets he had left it that morning. There were a couple candles on the nightstand and dresser, not lit and brand new.

 

A Target bag was right beside the candles on the dresser. He walked over and peered into it, not ready for what was inside: A book of matches and a box of condoms and a receipt.

 

He picked up the receipt and saw that she had spent 30 dollars buying candles, holders, condoms, matches and new razor blades. It was an interesting combination and he didn’t know what to think.

 

Ok, so he did know what to think: she wanted to have sex.

 

His crotch seemed to love the idea but his brain knew better. Were they ready? Yeah, he wanted to fuck the life out of her. He felt like he had been horney for a century, but he didn’t want to hurt her.

 

This was what the night before and that whole day had been about.

 

It dawned on him.

 

But he didn’t have a clue what to do.

 

And he wondered where the hell she was.

 

He checked the bathroom but it was empty and dark and after using it and taking off his sweaty clothing, he laid down on the bed and waited for her, hoping that she would come back from wherever she was and they could talk about this. They could talk it out. They could have a serious discussion about where they were in their relationship and if they were ready for this.

 

And then if they decided they were ready…

 

The thought made him smile and when his eyes drifted down he realized other parts of him were happy as well. He sniffed.

 

He discovered if he was going to get in anybody pants that night he needed a shower, badly. He took a shower as quickly as possible, hoping to get out and ready before she returned from wherever she went.

 

He dried off and put on a pair of boxers and went to lay on the bed.

 

But 15 minutes passed and he still hadn’t seen her. The thoughts that were going on in his mind were starting to make him have an embarrassing hard on. So he turned on the TV and flipped through the channels.

 

The time passed slowly, and the excitement wore off when he realized it had been about an hour or more since he had discovered his room and the realization that came with it. If she was anywhere near the hotel she would know that they were back by now.

 

Maybe she had second thoughts.

 

Oh, that made him feel just great.

 

But then again she had only had sex once before and she didn’t really remember it. Maybe she was frightened.

 

His mind was starting to get annoying and so he tried his best to turn it off. By then it was well past 1:30 and he was exhausted.

 

By 2 o’clock the TV was running on mute, the lights were out, his hand was stuck underneath the elastic of his boxers, his head was tilted to the side and he was drooling.

 

And fast asleep.

 

But not for long.

 

Soon he was awaken by loud knocks accruing every 3 seconds. Knock. Pause. Knock. Pause.

 

He rubbed his eyes and stumbled off the bed and to the door. He squinted and peeked out.

 

She was standing there, smiling brightly, eyes half-closed, droopy and red as hell. She reeked of cigarettes and alcohol and was swaying back and forth.

 

“Heeeyyyy Justinnn.”

 

Her arms were looped around him and she pushed all of her weight on him, forcing him to take a step back so they wouldn’t fall. He managed to pull her in his room a little and pull her away so that he could look at her face. “What are you doing?”

 

She smiled with her eyes closed and said in a slurred tone, “Let’s fuck.”

 

His eyes opened wide and it didn’t register in his mind that he knew that was what she had wanted to do that night. The candles and condoms had given that away but he was shocked to hear it come out of her mouth. He had sort of forgotten about it all during his quick nap and now it came crashing back. He wasn’t going to fuck her, as she said, tonight, not now, not with her the way she was. But his penis still liked the idea and he stuttered. “Wh-what?”

 

She buried her head into his bare chest and squeezed him tightly. “Fuck fuck fuck. I wanna fuck.”

 

“You’re drunk. Wha..Kristen come in here. What’s going on?” He tugged on her hand to pull her more into his room where his bed was. He sat down and tried to pull her beside him or on his lap or something but instead she straddled him and kissed him deeply.

 

She tasted like alcohol and cigarettes. He could almost feel himself gagging. He hated the way someone tasted after they had been smoking. He had been out with Britney a few times and she had lit up. And he would deal with it, but never enjoyed it. “Justin…have sex with me.”

 

He looked into her eyes that were half closed. It clicked. Something wasn’t right. He knew she could be a partier and could get drunk. But why tonight? And he knew she was drunk but why were her eyes red and puffy like she had been crying? He brought his hands to her face and kept them there so she couldn’t move away. “Why are you trashed? How’d you get this way? Did you go out with Rick?”

 

She shrugged, closed her eyes and dipped her head down. Her hair covered his hands and he saw a tear slip carelessly down her cheek. He had to get to the bottom of this. “Does it matter? Does anything really matter?”

 

He pulled her head up again so she was looking at him. “What happened?”

 

“Sing Happy Birthday to me.”

 

“Why?”

 

He eyes widened and she seemed beaming with energy and clobbered him in a hug. “BECAUSE IT’S MY BIRF DAY”

 

He felt his stomach tie in a knot. Was this why she was upset? Did he forget? Did everyone forget? He hoped that wasn’t the reason she was upset. She had never told him, to his recollection. “I- it is?”

 

She grinned. “Don’t worry I didn’t tell anyone. I don’t think Rick even knew, knows whatever.” But then her voice trailed off and she started crying. This time she didn’t stop. And soon she had her face buried in his neck, sobbing.

 

“Kristen…” He felt lost. He didn’t know what was going on. It was like a nightmare. Everything bad was happening but there was no reason and he didn’t know why. Everything just sucked and he was clueless. It made him want to cry. “W- why are you crying?” He whispered in her ear.

 

Her voice rose in her sobs and he could feel her tears on his neck. “I hate him so much. I just wish he would die.”

 

He was lost. “Who?”

 

“I cant believe he would call me. I don’t even know how he got that number.”

 

“What number?”

 

“To my room.”

 

He was getting more and more confused. Who was she talking about? Who called her? Who could make her this upset? He was almost afraid to hear who it could be. He just held her tighter and asked her calmly, “Who?”

 

“My dad Justin. My fucking DAD calls me for the first time in like a million fucking years to wish me a happy fucking birthday. What the FUCK!?”

 

The fucking nerve of that bastard.

 

Now he was pissed.

 

It was silence except for her breathing. He looked her in the eyes. They were wide and she looked mad and upset and angry at the world. She had every right to be. He took in a deep breath and then sighed. “S- shit.”

 

“And I was planning on having sex with you tonight and he calls right before I’m going to take a shower and everything and fucks everything up.”

 

He moved her head so she wasn’t bowing it all the time and so that she would look at him. He didn’t want her blaming herself for this or feeling like anything was her fault. “Nothings fucked up…I mean...”

 

She smiled slightly. “We can still have sex!?”

 

“I don’t think tonight would be that-“

 

She frowned and if his hands didn’t have such a firm grip on her face he knew she would have dipped her head. “You don’t want to.”

 

“Not tonight. Not when you’re drunk. I wanna talk to you about it, and I want you to be sober.”

 

“I’m sober.”

 

He laughed a little. “No you aren’t.”

 

She started crying again. He wanted to beg her to stop. He hated seeing her cry. It was one of the worse things he could think of right now. “J- Justin please. I- please…”

 

He held her tight and whispered gently, “I don’t think so tonight.”

 

“But I love you.”

 

He stopped breathing, thinking, moving, everything. It was another shock that he knew was coming but had forgot about. “W- what...”

 

“I love you.”

 

She was looking him dead in the eyes and it scared him how sure of herself she seemed. There was no doubt in his mind that she was not lying, but he wanted there to be doubt. He wasn’t ready yet. He looked away. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you are talking about.”

 

“It’s ok if you don’t love me back.”

 

He looked at her and she seemed like she was 10 years old. It made him wonder. She had never really been in a relationship before and it was possible she was just getting in over her head. “Kristen, are you sure? Do you even know what-“

 

She pushed him so hard he fell back on the bed and she stood up and started pacing. “Why does everyone treat me like I’m a fucking child? I’m 20 now. Believe it or not I do know a thing or two.”

 

“I didn’t-“

 

She stopped right in front of him covered her face with her hands moaning, “I think about you all the time!”

 

He looked at her with a titled head, curious to what she had to say. She let her hands drop and she stood there, staring at him hard. “W- when you aren’t around I get fucking depressed. I want you with me. I need you with me. It’s pathetic and stupid but I cant help it. M-maybe I’m not in love with you but I do love you Justin. I…I don’t know. Maybe I am a fucking child.”

 

“You aren’t a child.

 

“You make me feel that way.”

 

He cringed. “I do?”

 

“Sometimes. I mean sometimes I don’t know. Sometimes you don’t.”

 

“Like when?”

 

“When we’re making out.”

 

That hurt. He thought she seemed most adult when they were in situations like that and it made him have a weird feeling that that’s when she felt most childish. It would make sense that she would want to have sex with him: to prove to him that she was a woman. “Is that why you wanted to have sex?”

 

“I don’t know. I just had the urge to do it.”

 

“Well I don’t think tonight is a good night. I wanna talk to you calmly about it. Sober.”

 

Her face dropped and he could tell that she was about to cry again. “I- I’m sorry. I’ve made an ass out of myself.”

 

He reached out for her hand and pulled her towards him. “Not at all. Do you know all the dirty thoughts that went through my mind when I came in here and discovered a box of condoms?”

 

A smile erupted on her face and he pulled her down on the bed with him. “Reallllly?”

 

He breathed out, “Yes really.” And then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply, not caring about how she tasted. She was stiff in his arms. He hoped the kiss would relax her but she just stayed that way. “You’re tense.”

 

She half smiled. It seemed she had sobered up a tad; still drunk, but not as sloppy as before. “Work’s been hard lately. You guys seem to acccummulate a lot of shit.”

 

He rubbed her back and smiled at her, getting a great idea in his head. “Can I do something for you?”

 

“OOO MASSAGE!”

 

He smiled and stood up off the bed, looking at her. “No…even better.”

 

“What?”

 

“Just come with me.” He tugged on her arms and wondered if this was going to be a smart move. It would take a lot of restraint on his part but he figured if he could deny sex with her when she was drunk and obviously ready, then he could do this. It would make her feel sexy, and they would share something special, but it wouldn’t have the emotional consequences sex would.

 

And it would make her relax and feel better.

 

“Where we going?” She asked, following him obediently around the room.

 

He looked at her and smiled. “To the bathroom.”

 

“Whyyyy?”

 

He stopped in the door and looked at her. He didn’t know if she would like this. He didn’t even know if she was the type to like this sort of thing but he was willing to take a chance. He sighed and licked his lips, realizing how nervous he was in that moment.

 

He half smiled and whispered, “What would you say to me giving you a bubble bath?”

Chapter 19

 

He immediately wished he had taken it back.

 

She was laughing, hard.

 

It was a stupid idea, anyway. Give her a bath? A girl like Kristen didn’t want to be pampered. She wanted everything upfront and raw: nothing frilly. He was nervous and embarrassed and could feel all the blood rush to his face. He put a hand on his forehead and it was hot, very hot.

 

But then her arms surrounded him and she squeezed him tightly, sighing. “You’re so silly Justin.”

 

He brushed past her and went back to sit on the bed. Just great, he had tried to be romantic and it blew up in his face and he didn’t know how he was going to save the night now. He needed to do something to make her see that he cared about everything that had happened to her that night. And he felt he owed her something because it was her birthday. “Y-yeah. Sorry I didn’t mean to be cheesy.”

 

She pulled away and through half closed eyes and a drunken voice she slurred, “You’re serious?”

 

“Well not anymore. I just thought it might relax you.”

 

But then she didn’t seem so drunk. He was amazed how it faded back and forth. She stepped back and lost all contact with him, staring at him hard, her eyes wide. “W- what? Y- you want to give me a bath?” She seemed like she was in disbelief.

 

“If you want one. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t care. Just never mind.” His sentences were short and fast and he rubbed his hands over his face. He was starting to get a headache and was about ready to ask her to take some Advil and get in bed so they could go to sleep and just forget it all.

 

“Y- you, you wanna see me nekked.”

 

He looked at her. She looked utterly shocked standing, leaning against the wall. He chuckled, finding it amusing she was shocked by this. He was a man. He did have a penis, which worked very well, and for the past few weeks he had touched and sucked her breasts and grinded his crotch into hers and made her cum with his fingers. Hell yes he wanted to see her naked! “Um…yeah.”

 

“S- seriously?”

 

He laughed quietly and stared at her. “You are my girlfriend Kristen.”

 

It was quiet for a while and he had laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how he was going to get himself out of this mess. Then he heard her clear her throat and whisper something. He turned his head to her and mumbled, “huh?”

 

She nodded slightly and said just a tad bit lighter. “So, b- bath?”

 

She was biting her lip and her eyes were as wide as a doe’s, and he couldn’t tell if she was anxious, excited, scared, nervous or a combination of everything. It was making him nervous just looking at her. “Just say yes or no. I’m getting antsy.”

 

After what seemed like an hour she cleared again her throat and timidly whispered, “Y- yes.”

 

He wanted to jump up and root and yell, but instead, he contained himself as best as possible and put on a huge smile, quickly saying, “Ok…I’ll get one started.”

 

“I’ll um, get naked.”

 

She was still biting her lip and had huge eyes when he thrusted a cotton robe at her, with that huge smile still on his face. “Here’s a robe.”

 

“T- thanks.” He didn’t notice that she looked paler than usual as she slipped out of the bathroom. He was too excited. He turned on the bath water and found a complementary bubble bath the hotel had put in his “Vip basket.” He used the whole bottle and 5 minutes later a warm, bubbly bath was lightly rocking in the tub, the bubbles making a slight hissing noise.

 

And then as he was sitting there on the toilet seat, waiting for her to come back, it dawned on him: He was going to see her naked.

 

He started to smile again. But it was interrupted with a knock and her standing there in the doorway surrounded by cottony white.

 

“Hey.” He smiled at her as he stood up and let his arms dangle numbly by his sides as he stared at her.

 

“Hi-hi.” She looked lost, her eyes huge and her arms over her chest protectively. She seemed curled into herself and he didn’t know if it was because of what happened with her dad, or what was about to happen with him. He wasn’t going to try anything, just talk to her a little and relax her.

 

“It’s all set.”

 

Her eyes rolled a little uncomfortably. “Great.”

 

He stared at her, staring at the lanolin floor. Her eyes shot up quickly at him and then back down and he asked, “You ok?”

 

Her teeth started to nibble on her bottom lip. “I’m a little nervous. And my head is starting to hurt.”

 

“You want some Advil?”

 

She nodded and said in a quiet voice, “Kay.”

 

She stayed in the doorway as he went closer to her and opened up his shave kit that was sitting on the counter beside the sink. After digging for a second, he found a small bottle and handed her 2 capsules and then filled a glass that was also beside the sink with tap water. “Here you are.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

He watched her take the pills and drink all of the water. Then she just stood there, gently placing the glass back on the sink, eyes not looking at him at all.

 

“You wanna get in.”

 

She nodded and walked past him; the terry cloth of her sleeve brushed against his bare chest. She stared at the water and he stared at her back.

 

He watched so closely that his eyes started to get dry because he didn’t blink for a good minute. He watched her arms move as she undid the tie in the belt. Then he watched the robe loosen around her. She looked over her shoulder. “C- close your eyes.”

 

He thought it was a little silly. He had seen her half naked before and touched almost all of her, so he didn’t really see the big deal. Plus he really wanted to see her and even though it was probably a horrible thing to do, to pressure her, especially after she had been drinking so much that night, it was a natural reaction and his voice came out a little perturbed. “Kristen…”

 

She turned back away from him and bowed her head. “P- please.”

 

“Ok.” He did as she asked and then found it hard to do, so he slung his arm over his eyes to help block his view. That didn’t work, so he just turned his back to her.

 

A couple minutes later, he heard her meekly say, “I’m ready.”

 

He turned quickly and was met with the sight of her completely covered in bubbles, except for her knees that were slightly bent and peeking out of the water and everything from her shoulders up was exposed. She was leaning back against the tub and she was blanketed in thick bubbles. She looked beautiful and scared, but mostly beautiful. “G- god.”

 

“What?”

 

He smiled and shook his head. He was really starting to fall for this girl. She had pulled up her hair in a high ponytail and her face was staring at her him so hard, like she was asking him for something but didn’t know what it was. There was so much going on with her and yet she was so simple at times and easy. She was complicated as women could be, but as far as wanting stuff from him, all she wanted was his companionship, or at least that’s what it seemed. There were no ulterior motives and that made him want to run to her and thank her everyday. “Nothing. Feel good?”

 

“Yes thanks.”

 

He sat down on the outside of the tub, his body in opposite direction of hers so he could face her. Her eyes were half closed and she looked more tired now than drunk. “You doing ok now? You better?”

 

She sighed. “Yeah, sorry I went off.”

 

“I would have too. That’s kind of a shitty thing to do, ya know? Does he know you don’t want him in your life?”

 

Her arms came out of the water and she wiped them off to get rid of the bubbles before pressing her palms into her eyes. He tried to keep his eyes off the fact that the bubbles were quickly starting to die and he could almost see her breasts. “Y- yes. I’ve written him a few letters.”

 

“So you know his address?”

 

She sat up and he saw boobs, but he was more concerned with the tired look on her face, believe it or not. He stole a quick glance and then made sure his eyes didn’t go any more south than her neck. He could tell she was tired of this, tired of her life and just wanted a break from it all. She hugged her knees and put her cheek on them. “I use to get anonymous letters every year for my birthday with a 5 dollar bill in it. I always knew it was him. Somewhere in New Mexico. But I wrote him and told him I was over him and wanted him out of my life. And then he calls. He said he wanted to build something back up. What the hell Justin? You don’t just give up someone when they are a burden and grab them back when you want them.”

 

He sat up and ran his hand over her back, scooping up some water and letting it wash away the bubbles that were stuck to her. “You aren’t a burden.”

 

“I was to him.”

 

She closed her eyes tightly and he saw a tear slip out. He reached over and brushed it off her cheek. “Kristen…”

 

“What?” Her eyes opened and stared at him, wanting him to tell her something.

 

He wanted to say everything in that moment but couldn’t find his breath if he tried. He wanted to let her know how she made him feel, what he saw when he saw her, and he didn’t really know how to do that. So he just started, “I just. You’re incredible. And you don’t know it. And you need to know it. You’re beautiful and sweet, even though you don’t want anyone to know. You make me feel amazing, girl. Like when you walk in a room, I only see you, you’re the only one around or something. It’s like just me and you, ya know? Just us. The two of us. I mean, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

 

She shook her hear and he was certain he saw tears. “Just stop then ok?”

 

He stared at her, she shivered. He touched her damp back with his hand and started to rub it. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I…”

 

He whispered her name trying to get her to look at him. “Kristen.”

 

She took a deep, shakily breath and let it go. A tear slipped from her eye and she half laughed/ half cried. “I do really love you Justin.”

 

He believed her, sober or not. He really believed her. But he wouldn’t let himself admit it. Not yet. “R- really?”

 

Her gray eyes stared at him hard. “Y- you don’t believe me.”

 

“No I just. God, I don’t know Kristen. This is just, wow.”

 

She sat up and her hands clutched the edge of the tub. He didn’t even realize she was naked now. He was too concerned with what she just said. That didn’t mean that they were IN love, but he was pretty sure he cared a lot for her, loved her, wanted her more than anything he could imagine right then. He had only really had 3 other women in his life tell them that they loved him and he believed them: his mom, his grandma and Britney, and now Kristen. “What is so weird? Girls tell you they love you all the time.”

 

He was at lost for words. He didn’t know what to say and if he did, he didn’t think his mouth would have worked right to form the words. He was supposedly to be a suave, cool, non-chalant kind of guy. And here he was feeling that every nerve was on end, his mouth…dry, palms….sweaty, brain…in a frenzy. “I- I guess…but, I..”

 

“What?” She sounded fed up and tired, pulled away and ready to give up.

 

He looked at her dead on and whispered, “I think…I love you too.”

 

She stared back without any emotion on her face. Finally, she leaned back against the back of the tub and crossed her arms over her bubbly chest. “Don’t say it unless you mean it

 

He didn’t know what to do or say, all he knew was that he wanted to be closer to her, wanted to feel her against him. It wasn’t anything sexual, he just needed to be closer. And it came out before he thought it through. “Can I get in with you?”

 

Her eyes narrowed. “So you wanna have sex now?”

 

He rubbed his face in his hands. He was making this amazing moment turn into shit. “I..no. I…shit this isn’t...”

 

“This isn’t what? Isn’t what you planned? It’s not what I planned either. I came here to get away from Detroit and get a few bucks to live on. In the process I’ve…I met you. God, I cant - I don’t know what to do. You’re this huge celebrity guy, I’m nobody. I’m just, nothing and I don’t know why you even want to give me the time-“

 

But he couldn’t let her keep doing that. The reason he got in this relationship was because she made him feel normal, and now she was putting him on that DAMN pedestal. “God Kristen! Get it through that head of yours that I’m with you because I love- like you, whatever! I love spending time with you. Y- you make me feel something I’ve never felt before. Not even with Britney and I’m not on the rebound either. You might think that but I’m over her. Really over her. I haven’t told you this but she’s called me several times trying to get back up with me, even before me and you started doing anything. I turned her down. I’m over her. And I’m into you. I don’t care that you’re a just a broke tour girl. You’re- You’re it for me.”

 

He took a deep breath and looked at her. He had been so riled up by what he was saying that he didn’t really get to see her. Now she was crying, hard. He had fucked up once again.

 

She whispered something through her tears and he didn’t hear her correctly. He thought she had said…

 

“Get in…”

 

“What?”

 

She smiled a small smile and her eyes softened at him. “Get in with me.” He couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She was beautiful and amazing and everything he had never thought he wanted in a girl. And that’s what made him want her more.

 

Before he knew it he had stood up, slipped off his boxers and eased in behind her. He felt her, for the first time, completely against him, naked, natural, and all his.

 

And it made his own eyes start to water with tears.

--------

the next morning

 

She woke up and didn’t know where she was. Her body was numb and all she knew was the room was dark, but not pitch black.

 

Slowly her body regained its senses. She was warm, really warm. She yawned and sighed, and she felt weight on her side. Her legs fidgeted a little, and she felt…naked.

 

The realization of what happened the night before hit her. It was a pretty damn big moment in her life and she couldn’t believe that it had really, truly happened.

 

And now, the conclusion to a perfect night ended with the beginning of probably a perfect day.

 

She pushed with her shoulders and rolled over, hitting the warm hard body behind her. The body groaned and sighed and then slowly his head turned over to her and a slow smile spread on his face.

 

“Hi.” He said with eyes closed and that permanent smile.

 

She knew why he was smiling so big and she immediately felt bashful. Her head tucked into her chest and she curled against him, making a small, girly whiney noise.

 

She held his arm to her and then felt it slip away. She was going to ask him what was wrong but when she looked up he was stretching and yawning and looked like he was fully enjoying himself when he rested back in his regular position. He looked at her with a half drunk/ half sleepy look and pulled her against him. “Mmm, we’re nekked.”

 

Her tired eyes fully woke when she felt his completely naked, and ready, body pushing against her. She would have made a comment about morning wood but she didn’t want to degrade the moment. But she was ready to go back to sleep and he seemed ready to go…period. “Sleep.” She mumbled trying to push into him and pin his little friend down so he’d stop tickling her.

 

He stretched with his arms straight above his head and his heels touching the end of the bed. He yawned and then curled up on his side to look at her. “Nah, I’m awake now.”

 

She turned on her side away from him and he scooted up to spoon her. She rolled her eyes and tried to push him away. “I can tell.”

 

He whined and rolled away from her. She looked over her shoulder and he was pouting at her. He looked so adorable and she wanted to crawl over and give him a kiss, but her pride wouldn’t let her, not just yet. “He cant help it!”

 

“Sure…”

 

A couple seconds later he was spooning her back, one of his arms snaking under her neck and his other around her side, pulling her tightly against him. She felt him everywhere and started to get goose bumps over her skin. “I got to take a bath with you, we…ya know…and then I get to lay all night with your sexy naked body against mine. Do not get MAD at him for being hard. It’s not his fault God made him that way.”

 

She ignored his goofy voice that was still gravely with the night’s deep rest. She started thinking about the night before. How beautiful it was. She really had never described an event in her life as beautiful before, but it was the first thing that came into her mind when he slipped into the bath with her and held her. He let her cry and he kissed her cheek and whispered words of comfort to her. His hands massaged her shoulders and back. And when his hands went further south she couldn’t think straight. The only thing that ran through her head was how incredible his hands felt and how deeply she had fallen in love with him.

 

They didn’t rush to get each other off, and for some reason it wasn’t even about that. She felt connected to him unlike she had been with anyone else, ever. She laid awake a long time that night, after they had slipped into bed. She thought about how much she had changed and was still changing. She thought about her actions and her tone of voice. She was tired of being a bitch to everyone and tired of being sarcastic and acting like she didn’t give a fuck.

 

She cared, about him, about herself, about the other people on tour, and all sorts of things. She had almost found herself crying when she saw a news report on some suicide bombing that had happened in the Middle East. And the worst part was, the change wasn’t that bad. She had always laughed at softies before, people that loved too much and were too sensitive. But that was probably because deep down that’s what she was, and her tough outside was just a façade to make sure that that overly sensitive side of hers didn’t get hurt.

 

Justin had pulled that side out of her. He had uncovered that part of her that was buried so long ago. “Thank you.”

 

His voice was quiet, again battling for substance since he had just woken up. “For what?”

 

She turned and flipped over on her other side, so that they were facing. Her hand had a mind of its own and it reached up and lightly held his face. “Last night, it was perfect.”

 

He smiled and leaned down to press their foreheads together. His eyes looked tired, but his face looked amazingly rested. “You were perfect.”

 

The way he was smiling made her blush. She felt comfortable around him but that didn’t mean she was totally comfortable with herself, and hearing such complements made her heart pump faster. “I didn’t do anything.”

 

“You told me…”

 

She cut him off and finished for him. “I love you.”

 

A smile slowly spread on his face and he laid back on his back. “Mmmm that sounds nice. Come here.”

 

She curled up to him with her leg over his, and his arms wrapped around her. “Thank you for not taking advantage of me last night.”

 

“Huh?”

 

She waited a few seconds and then whispered, “Cause you could have…really easily.”

 

He didn’t say anything and she wondered what was going through his mind. She thought about how drunk she was and how much she wanted him and how completely out of it she was, and yet oddly enough with it too. It was a lot like her graduation night. But instead of spending it with some highschoolish jerk, she had spent it with Justin. And even though they hadn’t had sex that night, she knew that she wanted to, and if he had asked her, she would have.

 

“Um, how you feel?” His voice seemed uncomfortable, and she knew he was avoiding the subject.

 

“Surprisingly ok. A little headache.”

 

It was quiet for a few minutes and for a little bit she thought he had dozed back to sleep. But then, right as she was about to drift off, he spoke, quietly, but meaningfully. “Kristen, I…I might be a horney bastard but im not an asshole.”

 

She sighed and held on to him a little tighter. “I know, I just wanted to say thanks.”

 

She felt his hand running up and down her arm and it made her feel good and warm, even though chill bumps were coating her. “Well, I just want to say, I think we should go back to sleep. I don’t have to be at the stadium until this afternoon.”

 

She could hear the smile and joy in his voice, and sleeping with him for a couple more hours seemed like heaven to her. “Mmmm, perfect.”

 

So she closed her eyes and relaxed beside him and tried to fall asleep. She didn’t dream, though, and it took her a while to get to sleep. She felt she was living a dream. And then she did a little bit of mental bashing for being so damn corny. Of course, her new sensitive side didn’t mind the bashing, but just because Justin brought out the sensitive side of her, didn’t mean she was ready to expose it to the whole world.

 

It was only after the bashing that she got to sleep.

Chapter 20

 

He was quite bored. Chris’ family was coming to see the show and he had left earlier in the day with some of the crew so he could meet up with them in Pittsburg. Kristen had told him that she felt she was leaving Rick out, so after a couple minutes of pushing the puppy dog look, he gave up and reluctantly accepted the fact that she was going to ride on the van with Rick instead of with him. He had been alone on the bus for about 2 hours. He had called his mom and called Trace, but his mom was busy doing some office work and he could tell he was annoying her. Trace wasn’t picking up his cell. Grand Theft Auto got redundant after killing lots of people and listening to a lot of 80s music and the only thing on the TV was an Real World marathon that he really didn’t care to watch.

 

And then his cell rang. He looked at the caller idea and a huge smile erupted on his face. He flopped on his back on the couch and flipped open his cell.

 

“Douche bag! Learn to answer the fuckin’ phone!” The way his voice sounded was nothing but joy. He hadn’t heard from his best friend in quite awhile. Trace relaxed him and made everything better, and even though he felt kind of girly when he thought it, Trace was his male soul-mate, if there was such a thing for a straight man. Trace new him better than he did. His friend could figure out his thoughts before he could. And every time he talked to him he felt better, even when nothing bad was happening.

 

“What’s up your ass, pussy? Never mind, I don’t wanna know.”

 

“You wish.” He said seductively, trying to annoy Trace but enjoying the boyish vulgar banter they spoke with each other.

 

“Let me guess, you’re bored.”

 

He stood off the couch and got up to grab a soda from the mini-fridge. “What!?”

 

“You only call me when you’re bored. You don’t love me any more.”

 

“Trace, you’re fuckin’ stupid man. How you been bro?” The end of his statement had a more serious tone to his voice. He hadn’t talked to him in a while, and was a little out of the loop with what had been going on in his best friend’s life.

 

“Good. Trashed your place last night. Ya know, the usual.”

 

He chuckled. He knew Trace wouldn’t do that sort of thing. He remembered the first time Trace had seen his house in Orlando. Upon walking into the living room he had said, “I feel like I’m 5 years old and in a store with momma telling me not to touch anything.” His house had a homey feel to it, but that first room was quite impressive and elegant. Trace wouldn’t risk Justin’s house and since he was letting Trace stay there while he was on tour he knew he had nothing to worry about. “How many parties have you had?”

 

“Not really any. I’ve been busy.”

 

“Doing what?”

 

“Uh, Golf?”

 

Justin laughed and remembered the Sprite he had fished from the fridge. He popped it open and took a sip. “You’re so fuckin’ lazy.”

 

“Am not! I’m house sitting for you!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re just staying-“ A burp interrupted his speech. “…there and using all my things.”

 

“I’ve only been here a little. I went back to Memphis the other weekend.”

 

“I know, you told me. When you comin’ up man? I miss ya.”

 

“You just want me to come up and give you my opinion of the new piece.”

 

Justin sat the drink down and sat up a little more on the couch. He knew his best friend, and knew Trace was a jokester, but didn’t like the sound of voice he had and didn’t want his friend referring to his girlfriend as a “piece”. “She’s not a piece.”

 

“Fucked her yet?”

 

He tried to remain calm and didn’t know why this was getting under his skin so much. Trace would say that whenever Justin mentioned another girl. For some weird reason it got to him. “No…”

 

“Liar.”

 

He ignored his weird feelings and tried to remind himself that this was Trace, the guy that knew everything about him, the guy who shared sex secrets, detailed sex secrets when they both had girlfriends. “I haven’t! Other things though…”

 

“She hot? Wait, of course she’s hot. How’s her boobs?”

 

Justin started to feel more relaxed and forgot all about the weird feeling he had before. He flipped on the TV and turned it to mute, surfing through the channels but still paying attention to their conversation. “Small, but nice. She’s tiny. Like really tiny. Young, too. Just turned 20.”

 

“That ain’t young! Just not old.”

 

“She’s like…punk-rock.”

 

“You told me. Which I think means, she just doesn’t wear Abercrombie like your preppy ass. You’re electric bill came. Sad man, so sad.”

 

He stopped and watched Carmen Electra on E! news. He checked her out her skimpy clothes, smirked and then flipped the channel again “You opened my mail!?”

 

“You told me too if it was a bill!! Why’s it even come here? You’re never home! You probably never pay them.”

 

“Momma does.”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

“Seriously man, you gotta come up here soon.”

 

“Buy me some plane tickets, bitch.”

 

He thought about where they would be in the next few days and New York came to his mind. He and Trace always had a blast in New York and he started to smile brightly. “What about next weekend? NYC?”

 

“Sweet. We gonna go to that club?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“That strip one. Dude, I don’t remember the name. The one where we got lap dances from those twins.”

 

That weird feeling came back. “Dude, I don’t know.”

 

“Oh, now that he’s got a girl again so he’s all mister perfect.”

 

He defended himself. It was weird though. With Britney he use to have to excuse himself from “boy” activities in order to save his ass. But in the past few months he led a typical bachelor lifestyle. He went to strip clubs and drank too much with boys every now and then. But now he was with someone again. “That’s right. I just got this girl, and she’s like…she’s different. And I really don’t think she’d like the fact that I went to a strip club.”

 

“That’s why you don’t tell her.”

 

“And you wonder why you’re single.”

 

“You love her?”

 

He half smiled, but still had that weird feeling. “I think.”

 

“Reeeeeeebound.” Trace’s voice made him feel like he was at a basketball game.

 

“Nah man. I’m over Brit. She keeps calling me begging for me to come back and I’ve just, no, ya know? Like half the time when she calls, I just don’t answer because I know its gonna be the same shit. She still callin’ you?”

 

“Yeah, I told her you were dating someone.”

 

His heart jumped in his throat. He didn’t want her to know. She’d throw a fit and be mad at him and he didn’t want her to be mad at him. “WHAT! Why?”

 

“It shouldn’t matter, should it?”

 

He realized what he was saying and thinking and it was contradiction to what he had told Kristen. He was starting to get confused. “I...I don’t know.”

 

“You’re not over her. You don’t get over your first love. You don’t get over the girl you dated for forever, the girl…”

 

His voice was harsh and sharp. He didn’t need this now. “Shut up Trace.”

 

“I dated that girl Suze for 2 months and it took me a year to get over her. Dude, its only been a few months.”

 

His voice rose in volume rapidly. “I am NOT on the rebound. I wouldn’t do that to Kristen, ok? I would know!”

 

“Whatever man.”

 

“You think I’m not over Britney?”

 

He could hear his friend sigh and it pissed him off even more. “I just think it’s soon. I mean, maybe you are. You say you ignore her. But you can’t tell me you’re not hurt anymore.”

 

He stood up and started to pace in the back of the bus. “Shit man, of course I’m hurt. She broke my fuckin’ heart.”

 

“So if she came to you tonight, bawling her eyes out, clearly sorry, clearly wanting to get back with you and to change how it use to be…If she came to you right now and told you she was quitting, that she was done with all this music shit just so she could be with you, you wouldn’t take her back?”

 

“Shut the fuck up Trace!” As soon as he finished they hit a pothole and he tripped, spilling some of the Sprite in his hand on the floor. He was enraged now.

 

“I’ve got my answer.”

 

“You’re an asshole. Buy your own fuckin’ tickets to New York.” He slammed the drink down in a cup holder, spilling some more and then cut off his phone and threw it onto the couch.

 

The phone rang again, but he didn’t answer. He slung an arm over his eyes and took a deep breath. He was on the verge of tears. He didn’t want to fuck this up. He didn’t want Trace to be right. He had just told Kristen that he was over Britney. Just a few nights ago he had had that wonderful night, that beautiful revelation and she had bared her soul. But maybe he had tricked himself.

 

He couldn’t get Trace’s words out of his mind. He didn’t know why he was so defensive, and that scared him. He pushed his palms into his eyes and sighed. “It’s nothing. I love her. I do.” He groaned loudly

 

It was quiet for a while and then Justin heard a throat being cleared. “You ok back there?”

 

He looked up to see James staring at him through the rear view mirror.

 

“Fine. When do we stop?”

 

“ ‘Bout 10 minutes at a gas station. We’re gonna refuel.”

 

“Great.”

 

He got up and slung the curtain closed. It was cloudy outside and all he could see was a mass of trees and highway. It sucked. He was alone and bored and his thoughts were eating him alive.

 

He couldn’t get it out of his head. He couldn’t get HER out of his head. He couldn’t stop thinking, and the more he thought, the more he got confused.

 

He was starting to think that he didn’t even know who he was in love with anymore.

 

-----------

 

It felt great to breathe the fresh air. With her arms extended happily she stretched her body and yawned. Rick was refueling the van and she was about to refuel her body. She was in need of some Sunkist and some type of snack food. One of the crew’s buses pulled away and she spotted a very familiar and a very welcome sight: Justin’s bus. She wondered where he was but didn’t want to go searching and look like a pathetic little girl, like in reality she was.

 

She sighed and started walking towards the BP station. A sign that said “Sunkist 12 pack just 2.99” caught her eye and she smiled brightly.

 

“See yo’ man or somethin’?”

 

She looked up to see Mike smirking at her.

 

“Shut up. My drinks are on sale!”

 

He sighed and nodded his head back towards the station. “You’re boy is in there too.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Justin. Be warned. He’s wearing a hood over his head.”

 

Her happiness faded and she started to worry. It was never a good thing when he wore hoodies. It usually meant the world was about to end. “Ehh, that bad eh?”

 

“Told me to fuck off when I said “what’s up”.”

 

She cringed, a little frightened as to what was going on with him. The past few days he had seemed to be happier than a little kid in Toys R Us. Just a couple hours earlier he was begging her to stay with him on the bus with a smile and a pouty face. She sighed and shrugged, “Hmmm must be pms.”

 

“Must be. Later girl.”

 

She waved as he passed her. “See ya son.”

 

She walked cautiously into the store and saw him over by the alcohol section. She eyed him strangely and made a detour first, stopping down the candy aisle for Skittles. Then she walked to the snack food aisle and picked up a bag of Honey Nut Chex Mix all the while, looking over her shoulder to see if he was still there. He was still there, just staring, not moving.

 

She walked slowly and finally got right behind him. She stared at the back of his hood covered form and finally got enough courage to make her move. She thought she’d either make him laugh or piss him off even more. Either way, she was determined to get him to react to her.

 

She thought hard for a second and pulled the best valley girl accent she could muster up. “Oh my GAWD! You’re in Nsync!”

 

She saw him look to the side towards Dre who was in there with him. But Dre didn’t do anything besides look at her, smirk and turn and walk the other way.

 

She heard Justin say “Dre!” in a hushed tone.

 

Stupid boy.

 

“You’re like totally hot. Will you like oh my god, sign my thong!?”

 

She watched him sigh and turn slowly, but as soon as she caught his face she felt bad. His eyes were puffy and he looked tired as hell. He had a frown on his face.

 

He realized it was her and rolled his eyes. “Funny.”

 

Her eyes narrowed at him as he opened up the doors and pulled out two cans of Coors. “What’s up your ass?”

 

The door shut and he turned around and rolled his eyes again. He was really starting to piss her off, and if he was going to act like that, she didn’t want to be anywhere near him. “Kristen, don’t start ok? Just leave me alone.”

 

She put her hands up and gave up. She didn’t really want to deal with his shit that day. He had no reason to be a bitch to her so she was going to ignore him. “Fine. Be an asshole.” She walked past him and went to get her 12 pack of Sunkist.

 

It was her turn to roll her eyes when she heard him call after her in a whiney voice, “Wait wait, I’m sorry.”

 

She turned and crossed her arms over her chest, fumbling with her Chex Mix and Skittles. “Yeah, me too. What the hell happened?”

 

He rubbed his hands over his face and his body slouched. “I feel like shit. I’m sorry.”

 

“Get some medicine.”

 

“It’s not that kinda thing.”

 

He was starting to act like the biggest baby she knew and it got on her last nerves. He was supposed to be all happy when he saw her. He was supposed to wink at her and lean down and say something perverted in her ear and then convince her to come watch movies on TBS with her for the rest of the trip. But no, he was pouting and looking helpless and trying to make everyone in the world feel sorry for him. Well it wasn’t gonna work with her! “Then what is it.”

 

“I just have a bastard for a best friend.”

 

“Aww, he doesn’t know who his daddy is?” It made her grin when he started to chuckle lightly. He looked so much better when he smiled. She felt good knowing she was the one making him happy.

 

He shook his head and then opened his arms to her. “You…come here.”

 

Before she knew it he was holding on to her tight. She had to stand on her tiptoes to be able to hold him the way he wanted. His face was buried in her neck and his arms were so tight around her she almost couldn’t breathe. A magazine aisle was right behind him and she saw a tabloid with a picture of Britney and Justin from a couple months ago on it. In bold, all capital letters the words TOGETHER AGAIN were written beside the picture. She knew it wasn’t true but it made her feel weird. A nightmarish image of someone with a camera popped in her mind and the next thing she thought of was her picture on the cover of US magazine with the words JUSTIN’S NEW SKANK typed beside it. She tried to pull away, but he was holding on too tight. She squirmed and said, “PDA Justin.”

 

“I don’t care.” Finally, she got him off of her and put a good feet in between them. She busied herself with juggling her drinks and snacks. When she looked him, he was staring at her with a blank look, his eyes wide.

 

“I’m worried. You don’t look good. You look like…”

 

“Like what.”

 

She shook her head and started to walk to the counter to pay. “Nothing.”

 

He pulled her drinks out of her hand and carried them using the slit on the side of the cardboard. He held his beer in his other hand. “Will you ride with me?”

 

She shook her head and put her stuff up on the counter. “I’m riding with Rick.”

 

“Please, please Kristen.”

 

“What’s going on?” She didn’t question or protest when he put his stuff with hers on the counter and then fished for his wallet, paying for their goodies with a 20 an flashing his license to the clerk. She was more concerned with the weird looks and shaky vibes he was giving her. Something was bothering him and she wanted to know what it was.

 

“I just, I need you with me.”

 

She wanted to ride with him so bad especially the way he was talking to her like he really needed her. But she did feel bad for ditching Rick. Riding with him that morning had proven that she had been kind of out of the loop with her partner in crime ever since her and Justin had gotten together. He had so many stories to tell her, and it was weird that she didn’t really know what was going on with his life. She got to work with him, but they were usually so concerned with getting all the guy’s shit in the right place in the quickest amount of time that their conversations were never about anything more than cardboard boxes, directions and questions about where the dolly was.

 

She wanted to push his buttons a little bit and see how much Justin would beg for her to stay with him. She really didn’t know what to make of all this. Was he just being a pussy and whining because he was alone on the bus? Or was something else bothering him, something bad? “I feel bad ditching Rick all the time. Get one of the other guys to ride with you or something if you are bored or something.”

 

The clerk handed Justin his change and he took her Sunkists as she took the bag of the rest of their stuff. “Kristen, I need you.”

 

She looked him with wide eyes and she almost wanted to cry. Maybe it was just her being on her period, but the way he said it, breathy and meaningful, made her want to clobber him right there in the store. “M- me?”

 

She stared at his face. He looked at the clerk, grinned uncomfortably and then pulled her arm so they would get out of the store.

 

Once they were out of the store, he took her free hand in his and led her towards the bus. “You’re my girlfriend. I just, I need you with me today, ok?”

 

She wasn’t really paying attention to the fact they were holding hands in public. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could see Mike having a hemorrhage, but she didn’t care. His eyes were so blue when they looked at her right then that he could ask her to do anything right there beside the BP gas pumps, and she would do it, no questions asked.

 

“Ok.” She smiled at him and walked with him to his bus.

 

Fifteen minutes later his hands were up her shirt squeezing her breasts firmly and his mouth was moving down her stomach, letting his tongue swirl everywhere and his lips tickle her skin. She was lying there perfectly still, wondering what the hell had gotten into him. They had got on the bus, gone in the back, slung the curtain shut and before she could even sit down he had pushed her on her back and crawled over her. He was now on top of her, pretty much molesting her.

 

She was so shocked she couldn’t even think to say stop. She wanted him badly. She hadn’t really been able to be intimate with him since the night of her birthday, and that was a good 4 days ago. She wanted him all over her.

 

But when his hands started going in her pants she had to protest.

 

“Justin no.”

 

He didn’t look up at her, pulling away just enough from her skin to breathe out heavily, “Why not? I want you, baby.”

 

She shifted uncomfortably and tried to push his hands off her chest. “I- I know.”

 

He looked up at her. His face was red, his eyes darkened, and she cursed her body for not being able to let her indulge in him. “Do you not want me?”

 

“I do, I do. It’s just…”

 

He pulled off her completely and moved to the other side of the back room on the other couch. His hands covered his face. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

 

She sat up and leaned over and pulled his hands off of his face. She kissed his hands, and then realized she was getting to petty and romantic so she dropped them. It was a little weird he was getting so emotional over her telling him to stop, but she let it go for now. “Shhh, it’s ok. I’d be all for it but…”

 

“What?” He asked eagerly.

 

She bit her lip, trying her best to approach the subject delicately. “I’m kinda out of order right now.”

 

“What?”

 

“Just trust me.”

 

“Huh?”

 

He was being a total airhead so she rolled her eyes and fell back, landing on the couch again. “I’m on my period dimwit!”

 

He nodded slowly and let out a deep sigh. “Oh…”

 

She watched him out of the corner of her eye and wondered what had gotten in to him. He took the time to readjust himself in his pants. She thought it was a little odd that he did that in front of her but tried to ignore it. She wrote it off as one of those boyfriend/ girlfriend things that she wasn’t use to yet, like not shutting the door when he went to pee. She couldn’t figure that one out!

 

But the more she looked at him the more she realized that he was thinking way too hard. He was staring off into space, and it was never a good thing when he did that. “Yeah…Hey, talk to me.”

 

“About what?”

 

“What’s up with you? You didn’t look so good back there.”

 

“I just. I guess.” He was still staring off into space.

 

“Spit it out.”

 

His eyes cut to hers and if she didn’t know him better, she might have thought he was going to cry. “I don’t want to tell you.”

 

She found herself wanting to cry. The words and the look said it all. She knew what was coming. Damn him for pulling her along this far. Just, damn him! “W- what?”

 

“I don’t want to hurt or upset you.”

 

She took in a deep breath to keep from crying. Her world was spinning out of control and it all had happened in a matter of seconds. What would she do now? “You’re breaking up with me.”

 

When he looked at her like she was crazy she felt a little better, but she was still freaked out. “No. NO! I wouldn’t have just humped your leg if I was gonna do that.”

 

“Then tell me! You’re freaking me out.”

 

“I…Kristen, I do love you. I know I do. I can feel it. But…”

 

He heart jumped around and did somersaults in her body. “Oh god.” She stood up and started pulling at her hair. He didn’t love her, he was going to break up with her and fire her and her life would be ruined.

 

He pulled on her arm and got her to sit down beside him. “Calm down, please, you’re freaking me out here!”

 

“I’m freaking YOU out!?”

 

“I still…”

 

She felt the tears sting her eyes and she rubbed at them before they started to fall. She didn’t know why she was being so damn emotional. He hadn’t said anything yet to say he didn’t love her or was breaking up with her but she felt with every inch of her that something bad was about to happen. “What!”

 

“Britney…I guess she still gets to me. And I might not be completely over her,” he said reluctantly.

 

“Ok…”

 

“I’m not saying I’d get back together with her. I have you now. I don’t need her in my life. But…”

 

That’s it?

 

She sat up straight and turned to look at him. This couldn’t be why she was so freaked out. She knew he wasn’t over her. She didn’t expect him to be over her. He dated the damn girl for all his life! “Justin I understand. I mean, I don’t expect you to just up and forget her.”

 

“I just, felt bad. I felt I had kind of led you on. But I do love you. I, I do. I just, I don’t think I’m like…”

 

She put her arm over his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Justin I know. Look, I know you still have feelings for her. You probably always will. And I know you don’t love me as much as you do or did or whatever her. You were with her for a long time and knew her since forever. You barely know me!”

 

“I know you.” He gave her a sexy half smile.

 

“No you don’t.”

 

His hand came up to hold her cheek. He leaned in to kiss her softly and pulled away with his forehead against hers. She wouldn’t let anyone know, but she desperately loved this mushy stuff. “I know enough to know you’re so special to me.”

 

She shied away from him in a purely girly move that really meant “please go on.” “Stop…”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

She wiggled out of his grasp and made a move for the remote control. They had just had a pretty serious moment. Her emotions had see-sawed and she wanted to have her normal chill time with Justin where they didn’t do anything. She needed that now. “You wanna watch a movie.”

 

“No. How about we take a nap?”

 

He promptly yawned right after he asked and she leaned her body into his. A nap sounded perfect right then. “Mmmm nap.”

 

“Here or bunk?”

 

“Bunk.”

 

“Come on.” He stood up and pulled her up with him. He helped her into his bunk and when she felt his hands touching her sides she felt shivers run through her body. She settled under the covers and a second later he joined her, his arms around her and her head laying on his chest.

 

“We have a radio show we have to do tonight but please sleep with me.”

 

“Ok. I have to help Rick unload.” Her voice was sleepy.

 

“I know you have a job to do. My little toy girl.” She felt his large hand run over her head in a very comforting manner. For some reason she started thinking how maternal that motion was. She could always remember her mom running her hand over her head whenever she had scraped her knee or needed a hug or something. It made her think.

 

“Hey Justin?”

 

“Yeah…” She thought about not asking since his voice sounded half-dead.

 

“When’s your mom gonna come on tour?”

 

“I dunno. She’s busy with some stuff right now, why?”

 

“I don’t know. Are you gonna let me meet your family? I mean its cool if-“

 

He cut her off and his hands went underneath the back of her shirt to give her a mini massage, as weird as it was in the position they were in. “Trace is coming up next weekend. He’s family. And yes I want you to meet my momma.”

 

“I hope they like me.”

 

“Trace will love you. He loves everyone.”

 

“Ok.”

 

It was quiet except for the sound of the road. It felt so good to be there in his arms with her eyes closed and her body totally relaxed.

 

And then he had to say something to screw up the peacefulness. “You’re really happy for being on your period.”

 

“I was pmsing yesterday. That’s why I hibernated. Plus Pamprin is my Prozac.”

 

“Ahh, I was wondering where my girl was yesterday.”

 

She chuckled and lifted her head to look at him. “What girl?

 

He looked back at her through half-closed eyes. “You.”

 

She scoffed in a playful manner and rolled herself away from him. “I ain’t your girl. I’m just with your nasty ass because I need money.”

 

“Oh really?”

 

She animated her voice and stared at the back of the bunk hoping he’d soon curl up behind her. “Yeah. I really have a boyfriend at home. I just figured if I could give you enough hand jobs you’d treat me really nice and I’d get a couple bucks so me and my baby could move up to a double wide.”

 

Sure enough, his body was against hers, spooning hers. “Aww, a double wide.”

 

“Hey, I use to live in one.”

 

“Really? You’re a redneck.” He kissed her neck a little and she smacked him on his thigh. Half because he was picking on her, and half because it tickled the hell out of her.

 

“Hey, don’t make fun! Doublewides are nice you Tennessee hick! I’ll probably have to live in a hut when I get done with this.”

 

“No. I’ll take care of you.” His arms squeezed around her.

 

“You don’t-“

 

“I’ll make sure you’re set for life. See, what you don’t realize is that being a part of the Nsync crew is one of the best things in the world. We have all sorts of connections.”

 

“I’d like to be a veterinarian, please.”

 

“Done.”

 

“Dork.”

 

“Maybe so, but I got a big dick.”

 

She giggled and closed her eyes. “Not really.”

 

The voice that followed made her want to burst out laughing. He was way truly concerned. “W-what?”

 

“I’m kidding. You’re penis is enormous.”

 

“Is it?”

 

Her full-fledge laughter came out and she strained her neck to look over her shoulder and see him looking at her with his pouty look.

 

Stupid boys.

 

“How would I know?! I’ve only seen two in my life!”

 

“Ok. How am I compared to the other guy?”

 

She laughed and shook her head. “Justin I was drunk! I don’t remember! If I see any more penises in my lifetime I’ll let you know.”

 

“Ok.”

 

After that he was quiet. He took a second to situate himself beside her and before she knew it she could hear him snore a little bit. It was mainly heavy breathing, but still enough that she could pick on him about it later. She couldn’t get to sleep just yet. Too many thoughts were crossing her mind. She started to think about what he said about taking care of her. What if they broke up? Would he still want to help her out? What would happen when the tour ended? Would he take her in, find her a job, and live happily ever after with her?

 

For some reason she just couldn’t believe that would happen. Everything in her future right now as a big question mark, and that included her life with Justin. She loved him, yeah. And she was falling in love with him. But she knew he didn’t feel as strongly as she did. She knew deep down he loved her and appreciated her and she knew that she had helped him get over Britney a little. But did that make her the rebound? Wasn’t that what rebounds did?

 

She didn’t know what to think. She was scared and as much as she wanted to sleep, she just couldn’t. She didn’t know the whole story of why he was upset. She knew it was something to do with Britney and Trace. But he had said Trace was coming up the next weekend. Did Trace do something with Britney? Did Trace know something? She knew Justin wasn’t telling her everything. It was ok. She didn’t expect him to. But for some reason, something dark and ominous was casting a shadow on her thoughts about the weeks to come.

 

She was never one to believe in omens but for some reason she couldn’t get that tabloid picture out of her head and she couldn’t help but think that that dark ominous something casting a shadow on her thoughts and make her freak out was in the shape of her boyfriends ex-girlfriend.

Chapter 21

 

She was incredibly nervous and the only reason was because in less than 30 minutes she would meet him. She had hoped and prayed the night before that his plane would get delayed and he wouldn’t be able to make the trip. It was funny that part of her wanted to meet her boyfriend’s best friend and the other part never wanted to see his face. And having Justin tell her to be as normal as possible that morning in a frantic voice didn’t help at all. That only meant that he was embarrassed to have Trace meet her and that made her feel as small as an ant.

 

The day was hella busy. Being in New York meant a shit load of press and a shit load of press meant little time for playing around. She was supposed to go with Mike to pick Trace up at the airport, but she conveniently felt “sick” and called up Justin with a pitiful voice and even faked to Rick so that there would be no holes in her story. Justin had panicked for a moment and then collected himself and managed some plan.

 

Now it was midnight and she was supposed to meet up with them at some club. She thought about faking sick again, but Marie would be back soon and would figure out she wasn’t sick, and she couldn’t hide in Justin’s room because he would figure it out. So she was forced to leave her hotel room for the first time in about eight hours.

 

She had dolled herself up and tried her best to look as normal and pretty as possible. After pulling her hair back in a perfectly slick pony tail, slipping into some too tight black pants she had scrimmaged from somewhere and borrowing one of Marie’s tops, she looked like she might fit in. She was uncomfortable as hell, but she acknowledged that she looked pretty sexy so that was all that mattered.

 

But riding by herself in a cab was unnerving and so was standing in line without a jacket to get to the doors of the club. She cursed herself for telling Justin that she could manage on her own and get there without any help. He could have had a limo there for her and quick access to the inside of the club but no. She had to be stubborn.

 

The funny thing was that now her stomach really hurt for the first time all day. It was totally nerves but still, she was almost ready to lean over the curb and let her insides fly.

 

She kept thinking up these horrible mental images of the bouncer not having her name on the list, asking for her id, which she didn’t have on her, and it wouldn’t matter because it was probably a 21 and up club and then he would tell her to leave the premise before she was arrested. Then she imagined her temper being spawned, her punching the guy and then being in court for assault charges. The press would find out she was dating Justin, his image would be tarnished, and he’d publicly break up with her and she’d become a drug addict.

 

Her creative imagination died when she meekly said, “Kristen Topsell.”

 

“Speak up.”

 

She managed a smile for the normal sized man standing there with a clipboard and sitting on a stool. “Kristen Topsell.”

 

“You with someone?”

 

She looked behind the guy and there were four enormously large men in nice suits standing there, ready for action. “Uh…” She didn’t know what to say. Justin? Nsync? She didn’t know. The tour company? She was lost and her imagination started working again.

 

The big guys’s eyes were narrowing in on her. She was sure they had some sort of robotic night vision that could cut a person in half with laser beams. She was about to be sliced like a tomato.

 

But the guy on the stool waved his hand about and did some motion and one of the big guys unclipped the red velvet rope for her to proceed. “Never mind, I found ya. Kristen ‘KT’ Topsell, right here. Go on in.”

 

She was soon immersed in noise that was way too loud, people dressed way too nice, or not dressed enough in some of the women’s cases, and way too many fancy decorations for her taste. Drinks were everywhere and the place was so big she didn’t know how in the hell she was going to find them in this loud, drunken chaos of people and music and dancing and drinking.

 

15 minutes later she was lost and about to start crying. Now that she was there all she wanted was to be with him.

 

Who cares about his damn best friend and trying to impress him?

She hated the feeling she had. She felt totally out of place and 10 years younger than she really was. She started to panic. She thought maybe she could go to the bathroom, call him and then he could meet her somewhere, but then she remembered she didn’t have a cell phone, didn’t have any money so in case there WAS a pay phone, which she doubted, she couldn’t call him and tell him to come find her.

 

She felt like people were closing in on her. The music was too loud and too obnoxious and she felt dizzy and light headed.

 

She closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears. She didn’t want her mascara to run and as girly as that seemed she really didn’t want to look like a crazed raccoon in the middle of this ritzy place. She looked around, to her left and then her right and finally set her eyes on the floor, praying maybe someone who knew her would notice her standing there.

 

And they did.

 

Familiar shoes filled the floor in front of her, and when she looked up he was standing there admiring her.

 

He licked his lips, smiled and reached his hand out for hers.

 

She went from panicking and feeling like her life was going to end to floating on air.

 

He looked so good too. He was in his nice pair of jeans, his favorite pair to wear out and a cool light blue shirt. His hand squeezed hers when the crowd got tight as if he didn’t want to loose her, and she didn’t want him to, ever.

 

It was times like these when she knew she was already there, already fallen, already so far gone in love that nothing could rescue her.

 

Moments later she was smushed in between Justin and Trace with them calling each other vulgar names and both of them trying to out-embarrass each other with different stories. She just looked back and forth with a smile, happy to be pressed up against Justin so close that she could smell him.

 

The night proceeded uneventfully but perfectly. She danced with Justin, drank with him, talked with Trace and tried her best to get some dirt out of him, but he didn’t seem to want to spill too much without Justin present. He only told funny childhood stories and that was when Justin was around.

 

But it was about an hour later, when Justin had gone to the bathroom, when it all happened. She was sitting there with Trace listening to some hilarious story about a prank they did in grade school when she heard a voice. Normally a voice like that wouldn’t scare her, but something about it made her heart beat a little faster and her palms sweat.

 

And when she heard Trace’s response, and the sound of HIS voice, she knew her worries were legit.

 

“Trace Ayala?”

 

“Wow, uh, hey Bryan.”

 

“How ya doing? It’s been a while. Last summer, I think that’s the last time I saw ya.”

 

She watched the exchange take place and watched them shake hands.

 

“Ya know how it goes.”

 

“Sure do. You in town with the guys?”

 

“Yeah. Justin’s floating around here somewhere.”

 

“Cool, cool. B’s actually in town right now.”

 

She saw Trace’s expression, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t know who this guy was or who “B” was but if her intuition was right….she didn’t want to think about it. “Really? That’s…interesting.”

 

“Yeah. This you’re new girlfriend?”

 

Trace scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. “Uh, not exactly.”

 

The guy stretched out his hand and her fears were confirmed. “Hey, I’m Bryan Spears. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Kristen,” she squeaked out.

 

“So how do you guys know each other?”

 

She rubbed her hand against her forehead and tried to wave off the migraine that was starting to form. She understood he wasn’t over her. She understood part of him would always be in love with her. But the last thing she wanted was for them to be in the same town with each other.

 

--------------

 

He saw her sitting there, looking a little distressed, so he slid in beside her and put his arm around her in a half hug. “Hey baby you wanna go dance?” He kissed her cheek, trying to relax her.

 

When her face turned to look at his, he didn’t like the look in her eyes at all. “Not uh, really.”

 

He was about to look over at Trace and ask what the hell he had said to make her stressed out, but he soon found out it wasn’t Trace’s fault. “Justin.”

 

He knew instantly whose voice it was and when he looked up and he saw who it was, the wind was kicked out of him. “H-hey.”

 

“How you doin’ man?”

 

He forced a smile. “Alright, how are you?”

 

He watched Bryan stare at him, and he didn’t even think about his actions when he pulled his arm from around her and scooted a good few inches away. Bryan nodded and motioned over his shoulder. “Pretty good. I gotta go though. It was good seeing you guys. Nice meeting you Kristen.”

 

“You too.” He knew by her tone, she was not happy.

 

A minute or so after Bryan had left and it had been eerily silent between them, Trace turned to them and spoke up. “Ok, I have this idea. I think I should make a TV show called “Totally Awkward TV.” It’d be like Real TV, but with awkward moments. That would definitely be on the show.”

 

He was glad his friend was there to make light of the situation, but he was in no mood for jokes. “Shit.”

 

“Shit is right. I told you she was in town.”

 

He looked over Kristen to Trace. This couldn’t be happening to him. “WHAT?!”

 

Trace narrowed his eyes in thought and then nodded. “Oh yeah, you weren’t back yet. He said Brit was in town.”

 

His head and mouth dropped. “You’re shitting me.”

 

“Nah, surprised you haven’t gotten a call yet.”

 

He felt his head start to throb and rubbed his temples. “I don’t need this right now.”

 

“Chill bro. No biggie. I’ll fight her off.”

 

He was tired of Trace’s voice, tired of the music, tired of being there. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need her coming back. Not now. “Shit…Shit!”

 

“Chill man. Hey, where you going?”

 

He thought he heard Kristen’s voice say, “To get a drink.”

 

It was quiet between them again and when he looked up he saw his best friend giving him a serious look. Coming from Trace, that usually wasn’t good news. “You need to get your act together before you make your girlfriend feel like shit.”

 

“What?”

 

“She didn’t look too happy. You basically sat here and acted like she was nothing while you stressed that your ex is in town. Chill out.”

 

He looked straight ahead, afraid that if he looked at him his anger might boil over. He didn’t really know why this was making him so on edge and mad, but he was. He felt like he needed another beer. “Don’t start another fight with me on this.”

 

“Look, I’m not trying to. I’m trying to save your ass here bro. Forget Britney. I like Kristen. She’s cool as fuck and she keeps you in your place and she’s grounded. That’s what you need. You need someone like her to keep you grounded. Britney’s a nutcase, you know her. Hot one minute, cold the next. I don’t want to see you drug around like that again. You deserve better, you deserve Kristen.”

 

He sighed, feeling a little better. He hung his head and looked down and then over to this side, with a smile at his best friend. “She’s cool ain’t she?”

 

Trace smiled back. “Cute too.”

 

He started thinking about how damn good she had looked that night, and everything that had just happen was forgotten. “Damn, when I saw her tonight man, standing over there by herself. I about…”

 

He was cut off. “I really would prefer not to hear about your uncontrollable ejaculations.”

 

“MAN!”

 

“What?”

 

He winked and pulled a beer that was in front of him, not sure whose it was, and took a sip. “I’m just glad you got your own damn room.”

 

“Goin’ to be hittin’ that tonight?”

 

He made a clicking noise through his teeth. “We’ll see.”

 

“Well do remember that hotel walls are thin.”

 

He was startled by her voice, “Don’t worry. He’s horrible anyway. The best he can get is a sigh out of me, and usually that’s because I get tired and frustrated.”

 

His mouth dropped and he was shocked to see her there with a smile, looking fine, three beer bottles in her hand. “What?!”

 

Trace was laughing when he said, “Told ya, cool as shit.”

 

---------

Exactly 2 hours later

 

He was so beautiful in the moonlight.

 

His skin looked like some precious mineral that hadn’t been discovered and was incredibly rare. She couldn’t believe that someone could look that undeniably sexy by just laying in a pair of boxers, turned on their side, with their head in their propped up hand and their other hand sliding gently up and down her side.

 

She was naked except for the thong she was wearing and lately it had been a recurring theme for them to just go to bed with underwear on. While she wasn’t completely comfortable being entirely naked with him just yet, being topless was something she could deal with and felt kind of liberated to not have to worry so much about being covered up with him.

 

He was still pretty drunk and even though she had stopped drinking a lot sooner than he and Trace had, she could still feel a buzz in her system. It made her feel like she was walking on air and seemed to heighten the sensation of his fingers on her bare skin.

 

He licked his lips and lowered his head.

 

His body fell into hers. His mouth moved gently but purposely over hers. Her leg instinctively curved over his hip until his body settled in between her legs and she could squeeze him to her with her legs. He thrusted against her in their normal position of him pretending to do things to her. She knew if she had heard from anyone else the same things that her and Justin did together when they were alone, she’d probably laugh at them. It was a little stupid looking, she figured, but it felt good, damn did it good. And since they weren’t ready to have sex and she wasn’t ready to push the oral boundary, they did what they could.

 

They’re kissing had graduated to much more heavy and deep. His mouth moved from hers to let him breath a little and he said something to her that sounded like “god you feel good.”

 

He rubbed his body against hers and she reciprocated the action, but suddenly his body moved off hers completely and when she looked up he had pulled back a little so he was resting back on his knees more. They stared at each other for a while in the darkness. He was out of breath and she could see how much he was ready for her by the tent in his boxers.

 

Before she could think he had lunged forward, growling “I want you so bad.” His hands had clasped tightly around her wrists, pinning her to the bed. His mouth covered one of her breasts and suckled her until she couldn’t hold back the moan in her throat.

 

He continued and continued to torture her with his mouth and tongue all over her torso. Her stomach sunk in and she felt oddly cold when his tongue started to lick underneath the top rim of her panties.

 

She literally shook her head to get her mind back into sanity. “W- what are you doing?”

 

He started at the part of her in between her legs, covered by light green material. “I want this.”

 

She started to sit up. “Justin, you know-“

 

He just gripped his hands around her wrists tighter. “I’m not going to make love to you Kristen. Well, not in the way you’re thinking.”

 

She gulped, scared of what was going through his mind. At least she thought it was fear, maybe it was excitement. She wasn’t really sure. “What way are you thinking?”

 

He answered her, but not by talking. It lasted two seconds but it told her everything she needed to know. He briefly and simply kissed her on top of her panties.

 

She couldn’t catch her breath. She was panting. She didn’t know why. It was supposed to be amazing. He was already a great kisser and great at everything. She was sure he’d be wonderful at this as well. Still, she was sweating.

 

“You don’t know how many times I’ve fantasized about you laying there, whimpering and moaning, and my head down here tasting you.”

 

His eyes were dark and heavy and she looked away. He was turning her on and she didn’t know if that’s what she wanted to happen. Was she ready for this? “D- don’t talk like that.”

 

He shrugged. “Just being honest. Apparently you like when I’m honest.” She looked down and he looked at her. Her mouth dropped open in shock and pleasure when he firmly pressed his tongue on her and licked. “Mmm you taste good.”

 

She tried to move her hips away from him but somehow he had put his weight on her so that she couldn’t move. “M- maybe we should talk about this.”

 

“What’s there to talk about?”

 

She looked down and he was kissing on her thighs, staring at her panties like he was a cheetah stalking antelope. “We’re drunk.”

 

“Buzzin, maybe.”

 

“But…”

 

He took his gaze from her underwear to her face and he sighed like he was frustrated with her. “Stop thinking so much. Let yourself go Kristen. It’s just me.”

 

So she obeyed him. And seconds later she was naked and a little ashamed. He was studying her, and even though he had done things with her body no one else had, she had never had someone that up close to her, studying her, getting a better look at what made her female than anyone else, even herself, ever had.

 

But soon she wasn’t thinking about that, soon she wasn’t thinking at all. She couldn’t think if she tried.

 

But it was all tainted afterwards. She had had this magical, heavenly moment and then he had laid beside her, happy as a dog being fed table scraps, and pushed himself into her. He was naked. He was hard as a rock. And when she caught her breath he wiggled his eyebrows and said, “Return the favor?”

 

She was a little shocked that he would ask her to do that. Before he hadn’t really pressured her or asked her to do anything to him that was past her boundaries. “But…”

 

“I did it for you.”

 

He was pouting and she didn’t know if he was joking or not. It was hard to tell and she was starting to wonder if she was still drunk or just light headed from the previous events. Either way she was confused. “Justin I don’t know.”

 

“Oh. Ok.”

 

The way he said it ticked her off- more than ticked her off. She was furious. He acted all pathetic and sad, like she had mistreated him. It was as if he expected her to put her head down there and suck him off JUST because he pleased her that way. It was stupid and immature and definitely not something that made her happy. If it were any other guy, she probably would have broken up with him on the spot or at least done some physical injury. “Did you just do that so- you’re an asshole.”

 

“What?!”

 

She stormed out of the bed and blindly searched on the dark floor for her discarded clothes. “Where the fuck is my underwear?”

 

“Kristen, baby...”

 

His pleading voice wasn’t going to work. Not this time. She turned, naked, clothes in hand, her fists clenched and ready to swing if he made one more comment. “Don’t.”

 

“But-“

 

She threw her clothes on the bed and angrily pulled them over her body while he stared at her dumbfounded. She knew he wasn’t that dumb. She knew what this was about. She knew now that omens were true. The magazine the other day and the thoughts she couldn’t get out of her mind. She knew Britney was going to be the start, and probably end of whatever this was that was going on. Whether it was a test or the end of their relationship, it was going to happen. She was just thankful there were only six more dates on the damn tour. So if something did happen, she’d never have to look at his inconsiderate face again. “You’re such an asshole. All you wanted was me to suck you off. You were probably thinking about Britney this whole fuckin’ time weren’t you. I knew when her damn brother or whoever the hell that was came by that it was all downhill. Thanks for getting me off one last time.”

 

He shot out of bed faster than she could have guessed, ripped his boxers back over his hips and forced her to back step with his speed and loud voice. “Wait a FUCKING minute here. What the hell does Britney have to do with anything?”

 

She pulled Marie’s shirt back over her head, ripping one of the straps but not caring. Then she pushed him away by thrusting her palms into his chest. “She’s everything to do with it. You’re still in love with her and I’m the rebound chick. Well, she’s back in town, back ready for you to go fuck her crazy. Go on, I won’t hold you back.”

 

His arms spread wide and he looked to the ceiling for a moment and then rolled his eyes back down. “God Kristen! I DON’T! I don’t WANT her anymore. I want YOU. I love YOU. Why can’t you understand that? GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!” He screamed the last line.

 

It scared her and she curled into herself and backed away from him and towards the door. Her voice was quieter this time. “Because I know you. At least, I think. And tonight you totally freaked out that she was in town. You’re afraid you’re going to see her and want to be with her. You know it, I know it. I’m just something to tide you over.”

 

It was quiet for a moment. She held her arms around her, scared that he was realizing how right she was.

 

So it made her think she was hearing things when he sighed out the words, “Get out.”

 

“What?”

 

His cold eyes met hers and he nodded to the door. “Get out of my room.”

 

She knew he was just being dramatic so she didn’t move, she watched him. He walked over to the door with his shoulders slumped and opened the door wide, and held it open.

 

She was shocked. Her mouth literally dropped and she asked in flabbergasted tone. “You’re kicking me out?!”

 

His voice was so cold and so even and his body language wasn’t giving off much of anything that she thought he was a robot. His eyes seemed to look through her and his voice was rather monotone. “This is my bedroom. I want you out of it. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

 

She stared at him and grabbed up the rest of her stuff, barefoot, pants on, shirt on, and everything else bundled in her arms. “Fine.”

 

She knew once she stalked past him he’d swing her back around and kiss her or hold her or at least say “wait, no don’t leave.” She knew he would. It was the way he worked. They were both over dramatic at times, and this seemed to definitely be a time like that.

 

But soon she was out in the hallway, by herself, listening to the echo of the door slam from behind her. She turned and leaned against the wall across from his room, staring at the room number posted on the door, waiting for him to open it.

 

917. She kept staring.

 

She knew he would open it. It was how they worked; how he worked.

 

But after five minutes there hadn’t been any movement. She looked at the doorknob; stared at the bottom of the doorway to see if she could see any flicker of light. But there was nothing. Just the stupid numbers 917

 

Finally, she walked down the hallway and pressed the down button for the elevator. Her body ached and suddenly she felt horrible.

 

She couldn’t stop the tears from falling and by the time the elevator got there, she was holding her bra to her face and crying into it.

 

She couldn’t hear and couldn’t think and couldn’t see. She just cried more than she had in a long long time. She couldn’t stop herself and couldn’t control her body from shaking.

 

She stepped onto the elevator, pressed her floor number and watched through blurry eyes as the doors closed.

 

She was too late. She never got to see the door of 917 open.

 

She never got to see a worried man look out into the empty hallway, only to have his hopes crushed. And just like her, he was too late.

The next day, early afternoon

-------

 

He was in no mood.

 

He was in no mood to do anything. He didn’t want to be around people. He didn’t want to be standing. He didn’t want to have to put on a fuckin’ nice attitude to the stupid fans that were asking too many pathetic damn questions. He didn’t want to be in sound check. He didn’t want to be on tour. He didn’t want to be 22. He didn’t want to be famous. He didn’t want to be anything but home, home home, in bed with grandma making him cobbler downstairs.

 

He didn’t want Trace around.

 

He didn’t want anyone around.

 

But most of all he didn’t want her around.

 

He hadn’t slept at all the night before and that was because he was on the verge of breaking up with her. After he had gone after her and she wasn’t there, he thought about what she had done. She didn’t trust him. She didn’t believe him. She didn’t realize how he loved her. And that hurt him to no end.

 

Britney hadn’t trusted him. And she never realized that he loved her more than his own life. It was happening all over again.

 

He couldn’t count how many times Britney had done the same thing Kristen had done the night before: saying shit about him wanting to be with someone else. He couldn’t handle that again. He had fought in his head all day whether to just let her cool off, let them cool off, or dump her.

 

He kept having these thoughts in his head. What if she was just a rebound? She wasn’t really his type anyway. Trace liked her, but then again Trace liked anything with tits.

 

He was confused more than he ever had been.

 

He knew he had been an asshole the night before. But he was drunk, whether he admitted it or not. And the fact that he had a headache and threw up that morning was only partially due to the fight they had had.

 

Trace had bounced into his room in the morning and he wished he had a shotgun to put himself out of misery. He had explained what happened, and of course, Trace had taken her side, even though he swore he wasn’t.

 

It pissed him off more than he could deal with right then.

 

So he had gone to the venue, and after seeing her in the distance with Rick, he had hid in “their” room, locked the door and lay on the couch, trying to get a nap in. He only opened it 2 hours previously when Chris had obnoxiously banged on the door to tell him sound check was about to start.

 

And here he was an hour and half later, DAMN ready to be off the stage, and seriously thinking about faking sick tonight and saying he couldn’t go on stage. But then he knew a fuss would in sue and people would hover over him, and he didn’t want that.

 

God, he didn’t want that.

 

“Justin…”

 

He asked without emotion, staring off into the back of the venue. “What?”

 

“Question.”

 

He looked up over at Lance who was beside him and then down to where his hand was pointing. There was a slightly overweight girl with braces and glasses and had his face and name plastered all over her body. He sighed. “What?”

 

She bit her lip and shyly asked, “Are you seeing anyone?” She stifled a squeal.

 

He rolled his eyes and couldn’t help himself. He snapped.

 

His eyes narrowed down at the poor girl. “Is that all that matters to you. What does it really matter? Does it make me sing better or something?”

 

Her face was a mixture of emotions. First sadness, then shock, then anger. “I was just wondering.”

 

“I’m single.” He gritted out, putting emphasis on the word “single.” He couldn’t believe even after he had clearly shown that he was pissed off a couple girls clapped at his answer.

 

“You’ll have to excuse him; he didn’t have his Cap’n Crunch this morning.”

 

He rolled his eyes at Chris and the rest of the guys who were giving him a cautionary look. “Whatever.”

 

The sound check was over pretty much after that and he didn’t even stay to say goodbye. He ripped off his monitors and handless microphone, threw the handheld microphone on the floor and pulled the hoodie of his sweatshirt over his head. He kept his eyes down and his hands in his pockets.

 

He knew it.

 

He was going to have to do it.

 

He had to break up with her.

 

He needed to be single.

 

He couldn’t deal with this drama again.

 

He couldn’t deal with anything.

He needed to work out.

 

He just hoped to GOD she wasn’t anywhere near his weights. The bitch would probably break them again.

 

He sighed deeply and the next thing he knew he was being charged. He almost sidestepped out of his barreling path but instead the out of breath figure stopped right before him, bent over a little, coughing and caught his breath. “J- Justin… whew…”

 

He was annoyed and almost wanted to laugh at Rick for being so out of breath and for acting like he was high on something. “What?” he said shortly.

 

Rick took another deep breath and coughed again. “I’ve been looking for you all over.”

 

Justin clapped his hand on Rick’s shoulder rather forcefully and in a sarcastic tone and fake smile said, “Sound check, Rick.”

 

Rick finally stood up straight ran his hands over his short hair. “She needs you.”

 

He was talking so low he could barely understand him. Ok, so he understood him perfectly but he wanted to be annoying as possible to get him out of his eyesight. Dammit, all he wanted was to be alone. “What?”

 

“Kristen.”

 

“Sorry, I’m busy.”

 

He started walking away. He didn’t get far until Rick was in front of him, walking backwards while he talked. “Dude she’s fuckin’ crying her eyes out and I don’t know why.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes and stopped. He looked dead on at Rick. “I know. She’ll get over it. And you might want to stop smoking so damn much.”

 

He took up walking again and he was about 5 feet away when Rick’s voice echoed at him. “What the fuck?!”

 

He was getting really annoyed now. If he pushed him any farther, words were going to be exchanged, and after that, if Rick was still being an asshole, fists were going to fly. He knew it. He was in no mood to have him being the big brother. He was cool with them before, happy for them, stayed out of their shit. And now here he came to save the fucking day. Well, he’d be damned if Rick was going to make him feel guilty. “We got in a fight last night, ok? I don’t need you breathing down my back. Chill out. Girls cry. She’ll get over it.”

 

He shook his head, trying to shake away all his feelings and all the people around him. He noticed a couple of the crew down at the end of the hallway looking at them. He didn’t realize their voices had increased. He needed to get out of there fast. Maybe he’d just go on the bus and lock himself up and sleep.

 

But then Rick had to growl out, “Where the fuck are you going Timberlake?”

 

“I’m going to get you out of my fuckin’ face.”

 

“You’re not gonna go see her?”

 

He kept walking away and was almost at the end of the hallway and getting excited about being able to turn right and go 2 doors down and be in heaven, or at least alone. He threw his hands up in the air but didn’t turn around and didn’t stop walking. “Hell she could fuckin’ break her damn arm off and I wouldn’t give a-“

 

Before he could do anything in defense he had stopped everything. He had stopped thinking, stopped walking and stopped breathing for a minute. He almost had the wind knocked out of him when he felt his back slam into a wall. He was thankful he had on his hoodie, because his head hit the wall and it would have really hurt if there was perfect contact. He blinked and focused on Rick. Rick’s hands were in his shirt and he was forcing all his body weight against him to push him against the wall. His eyes were narrowed and he was scared for a brief moment even though he would never admit it. Rick looked ready to kill. “Listen pussy. I don’t care what the fuck happened between you two last night. That’s fuckin’ pretty. This isn’t about that.”

 

And then the adrenaline kicked in. He could feel it pumping through his veins. He had an itch. He needed to go running. He felt like beating the crap out of a punching bag, and if Rick wasn’t careful he was going to be that punching bag. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He closed his eyes and tried to center himself for a brief moment. “Rick, get off me.”

 

“What you gonna do? Fight me or something?”

 

“Don’t do this Rick. I’ll fuckin’ punch your face in.”

 

Rick got closer to his face and Justin balled his fists. He was ready. “Do it. I dare you.”

 

Justin looked to the side. A crowd was forming at the end of the hallway and he was actually quite surprised Mike or Dre hadn’t come flying in between them like superman. “Man you are not being smart.”

 

Rick turned his head as well and eased off him. He back stepped and sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down to the floor. His voice was low and even. “We were unloading. Yeah, I knew about you guys’ stupid petty fight. Whatever, doesn’t matter. Carl calls me over the two way saying that I have a call. I go and answer it. It’s Kristen’s aunt.”

 

When he stopped talking Justin couldn’t take it. He needed more. He dragged out, “Ok…”

 

Rick was talking in short sentences and it made him feel like he was a child. “I give Kristen the phone. She says ‘ok.’ Hands it back to me. There’s a dial tone.”

 

He stepped forward and screamed at him, “Get to the FUCKIN’ point Rick.” He had a bad feeling about all this. Rick was being vague and it he could hear it in his voice that something bad had happened. And it wasn’t like Kristen to cry.

 

Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes. His hands went back over his head and to his neck. Then he dropped them like they were dead weights. “She started bawling. I can’t get her to stop.” This time Rick stepped forward and they were back being close again. Rick got that narrowed look in his eyes and started pointing at Justin in a menacing manner. “Just suck up your fuckin’ pride for a minute. She’s still your girlfriend. Something happened and she won’t tell me. So if you would please get the stick out of your ass and go, maybe, I don’t know, comfort her? See what the hell is going on? Be a man, maybe?”

 

He knew somewhere in the back of his mind he was loosing his pride and manhood as Rick talked to him like that, especially with an audience at the end of the hall, but that didn’t matter. He was scared now. Something bad was happening. “Where is she?”

 

“Toy room.”

 

She was curled in a bawl in the corner and he was scared. She looked really frightened, unlike he had ever seen before. He walked over to her slowly. She hadn’t noticed him and he didn’t want to scare her.

 

But before he got to her, she looked up at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks drenched.

 

She sniffed and wiped under her eyes and over her cheeks.

 

He felt like the biggest retard in the world. What the hell was he doing pretending he was the fuckin’ king of all and walking around challenging Rick and talking shit about her? Here she was upset as hell and he was being a damn prick. He sighed and got ready to kneel down to her. “Kris-“

 

“My grandma died.” Her voice was loud. He didn’t think she meant to be that loud but she had been crying so much she had lost the ability to control her volume.

 

This time the wind really was knocked out of him and he fell back a little from where he was trying to sit down and landed on the floor a little harder than expected. “O-oh.”

 

She looked him with those eyes, those big eyes, bigger than normal, pleading with him for something. “She had a heart attack.”

 

“Baby…”

 

He scooted over and wrapped her into him, holding her closer than he ever had before. She had curled up in a bawl but let him hold her. Her head was bent so far down in her knees he barely heard her when she said, “I have no one left.”

 

“What about your grandpa?”

 

She pushed out from him and he had to let her go a little because she was so hurried. She was almost yelling and he watched her hands shake as they tried to fix her ponytail. “He has alztimers Justin he cant do shit on his own! Gra-grandma was everything for him. What am I gonna go back to now? Oh god…”

 

He gathered her back with him and pulled her body that seemed too light into his lap. She curled up again and held onto him. “Shhh, shhh.”

 

He kissed her hair and rocked her a little, hoping to get her to calm down, and if not, he wasn’t gonna let her go. She could let it all out on him. He couldn’t even think, he just wanted to be with her and help her. He was so sorry and he didn’t know what the hell to do about it all. “My grandma, the ONE that took care of me when no one else wanted me. I just, she was in perfect health.”

 

“Shhh, it’s ok. I got you baby.”

 

“I just, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about-“

 

He turned her and grabbed her face to keep it from ducking. He looked straight into those eyes and forced his words into her ears, hoping she would understand. “Don’t even think about last night. Ok? I don’t care.” Tears fell and she started biting her bottom lip to keep from sobbing. He leaned in and kissed her briefly. “Kristen I don’t care. We were drunk. Shh baby, don’t think about that, ok?”

 

She nodded. “O- ok.”

 

He held her tighter, knowing that shame would settle in later but he couldn’t pout. He needed to be strong for her and he needed to do like Rick said.

 

He needed to suck it up, and be a man.

 

-----------

2 hours later

 

They were back in his room. He had come back with her and convinced her to take a nap and he was about to convince her to take a shower. It was something that always made him feel better. He didn’t know though, she hadn’t slept at all and she was quieter now, which he didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Maybe her emotions had just overcome her and now she didn’t know what to think. “I…I have to go home.”

 

“I know. Do-” He stopped, knowing he shouldn’t ask because there was no logical way he could ever do this: drop everything for her. But he needed to offer. And dammit, if he had to, he WOULD drop everything.

 

She needed him.

 

“What?”

 

He cleared his throat and said a little quieter, “Do you want me to go with you?”

 

She shook her head. He was sitting on the edge of the bed now. She had gotten up to start to pace and it made him worry. She looked more stressed than he had seen someone in a while. “No. Y- you, you gotta stay and do the tour.”

 

He was quiet because she was right. He wanted to go with her, though. Ok, really he didn’t want to go back to a place where he didn’t know anyone and he was getting prepared for a funeral. Plus if her dad showed up there might have been a war. But he wanted to support her. And he didn’t want her to be alone.

 

Her hands were on her hips as she paced and stared at the carpet in front of her. “I don’t even know if I’ll be back. I mean I have to help my aunt with the- I don’t even know what all. I- I guess I’ll get my shit outta the house and I don’t even know. Where am I gonna live?”

 

“With me.”

 

He said it without thinking but it wasn’t a shock, at least for him. She stopped and looked at him. “I can’t-“

 

He grabbed her hands and pulled her toward him. “Yes. You can stay with me as long as you need.”

 

She took in a deep breath and it left her shakily. She closed her eyes. He could see the fatigue setting in on her. It hurt him so much to see her this way. She sat down beside him and let him hold her hand.

 

He squeezed it and she said, “I- I love you.”

 

She leaned in to kiss him and he let her. They fell back on the bed and after kissing her deeply for a few moments; he pulled her up further on the bed and rolled on top of her. He looked in her eyes. For the first time that day she looked slightly pleased. “What time is your flight?”

 

“9. I’m getting a cab for 7.”

 

He smiled and leaned to kiss her lips softly. “No…I’ll get someone to take you. Who called for tickets and stuff?”

 

“Rick.”

 

He dipped down and brushed his lips against her neck and shoulder, thankful that she had worn a tank top so he could get to some of her skin. He talked in between kisses. “You want first class? Ya know, I can make some calls and get you a private jet. That way you don’t have to worry about security and crap. You’ll get there faster, too.”

 

He smiled successfully when goose bumps appeared. “I’ll be fine.”

 

“Still, I’m getting someone to take you. I don’t trust you with a New York cabby.”

 

She giggled and wiggled a little underneath him. Her knee hit the inside of his thigh and he stopped his tickling kisses immediately. He didn’t want her accidentally getting too close to other parts. “So protective.”

 

He scooted off her and lay on his side. He let his hand wandered underneath the fabric of her shirt and he rubbed back and forth across her abdomen. “Well you’re my girl.”

 

“We need to talk about last night.”

 

His hand stopped. “Let’s just forget it.”

 

“No Justin. That hurt me. But I know I hurt you with what I said.”

 

He sighed and really wished she would just drop it. He didn’t want to think of anything bad anymore. He wanted to make her smile; it was all he wanted to do. And he was doing a good job until she brought that up. “Kristen, I was an asshole ok? I was drunk. I deserved it.”

 

“Ok.”

 

He turned over and looked at the red numbers that were glowing in the room since the only light that was on was the one to the bathroom and that just illuminated the part of the room near the door. He saw he had some time to hang out with her and smiled.

 

He moved his hand up her shirt and cupped her breast, keeping his hand there and smiling. “That gives us a good two hours.”

 

“I- I don’t know. I’m not really in-.”

 

He squeezed her again. His hands had a habit of finding her breasts, even if they were just sitting there watching a movie. He didn’t know what it was. He just felt comfortable when he lay with her like that. He leaned in a kissed her cheek. “I can’t hold you and kiss you.”

 

“Well you can do that…I mean, if you have to.” She fake scoffed and rolled her eyes. She looked bored with him and it made him smile so much. It made him feel good to have her be her normal self again.

 

“There’s my KT. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her against him, breathing her in and sighing with pleasure the feel of her there. He was in love with her.

 

And all it took to make him realize it was a bad fight that almost caused them to break up and a depressing day full of her tears. It was weird how things worked out that way.

Chapter 23

 

She missed him.

 

She missed him so bad that it hurt to breathe. Everyone in her family had soggy cheeks and red eyes. Her grandfather was a wreck and she could already hear people whispering about how they were pretty sure he was going to be next and soon. Her aunts and uncles and cousins had swarmed her when she arrived, asking her questions and dodging the fact that now she had no family left. Her father’s parents had died before she was born, so he said, and he was an only child, so he said. Her mom had had two older sisters. She was the only person in her family under the age of 27, besides Kylie and Kyle, the twins from her cousin Kaleb. She didn’t know what it was with Ks in her family but it was quite annoying.

 

She had no one. No family left. And the person that was closest to her and the person she wanted there more than anything was thousands of miles away on stage making thousands and thousands of 14 year old girls squeal.

 

She was shocked when he had taken her to the airport and right before she had gotten out of the car handed her a heavy brown envelope with something in it and told her not to open it yet. She had to open it before she got to security and what she had found was a cell phone, numbers already programmed and a letter from him. She didn’t know when he had found time to write it but figured it must have been while she packed and showered.

 

It wasn’t a long letter, maybe a half a page at most, but it melted her heart to see the words “I love you” in his handwriting. He didn’t say anything extraordinary, just told her to call him anytime and even though he might not always pick up with the show and everything, that he’d always call her back at soon as possible.

 

That night they had had the visitation and she had stood at the end of the line, numbly shaking the hands of people she had never met before in her life. She rode in the back of her Aunt Kathy’s car and stayed with her in their guest bedroom that night.

 

But she couldn’t sleep. It was weird sleeping alone and it was weird sleeping in a unusually fluffy bed. The room was covered with scary dolls her aunt collected and she swore they were staring at her ready to come alive like Chucky.

 

She needed him with her.

 

She reached over and flicked on the light, which caused her to squint her eyes to let them adjust for a second. She looked over the side of the bed to where her small duffel bag was placed and reached to drag it over toward the bed so she could get one of her games out.

 

She looked at the nightstand to see what time it was. As her brain registered the numbers 12:48 her eyes saw the small, plain black device sitting on the nightstand beside 4 cell phone batteries. He must not have had time to worry with a charger.

 

Without thought, she picked up the small phone and fiddled around with it until she pressed the one and send buttons. She had fumbled with how to use it when she had landed and finally, on the 30 minute drive home with her Aunt Karly, had figured out how to dial his number. He didn’t answer and it bummed her out but made her feel better a couple hours later, after the visitation, when she had a short but much needed voice mail from him. It was near 9 when she got home and knew he would be on stage at that time so she didn’t bother calling him.

 

But now, she needed him. And even if he didn’t answer, she needed to just call and talk, even if it was a voice mail.

 

It rang 5 times and his voice mail came on.

 

She sighed, “Hey it’s- fuck.”

She growled when the cell phone beeped and when she looked at her cell phone she realized her phone had shut off. She turned it back on.

 

As soon as she did her phone shrilled and vibrated. She made her dropped the phone the bed. She grabbed for it and pressed a button and shakily said, “Hello.”

 

“Hey baby. Did you just try callin’ me?”

 

She felt like skipping and dancing. Hearing his voice, hearing him actually respond to her and be there made everything crummy that she had had to experience that day float away. It made her see how much she truly did love him. “Yeah. Damn this thing comes alive when someone calls me. I thought my hand was going to get bitten off.”

 

She wanted to be swallowed in his deep gravely chuckle. “You’re silly. Just go under options and turn off the vibrator or change the rings. You can put “Gone” as your ring tone if you want.”

 

“Gay. No thanks.”

 

“Awwe come on now, girl.”

 

She sighed. It was silent for a second and then she began to whisper, “I miss-Fuckin’ shit!” Her phone beeped again and once again it was cut off.

 

She growled, and moved around in the room towards the window. The cell phone magically came back on somehow and she quickly called him back. “Problems?”

 

“What kinda piece of crap phone did you give me? Keeps turning the fuck off.”

 

He chuckled lightly again. She didn’t find it too funny. “Maybe you’re in a bad spot.”

 

“Apparently. Should I go outside or something?”

 

“That would be a good idea. That way you can hear me clearly and you don’t have to worry about waking anyone up with your phone sex noises.”

 

She could picturing him there laying in bed or laying on in his bunk, just in his boxers, one hand behind his head and the other with the phone pressed to his ear. She wished he was with her so she could curl up with him. “In your dreams. I’m gonna go try and find another place. I’ll call you back ok?”

 

He sounded like he was doing something. His breathing quickened and he let out a deep groan like he was stretching. “I’ll be waitin’.”

 

She smiled to herself having a perverted thought. “Ok, and Justin?”

 

“Yes baby,” he half sighed, half moaned.

 

“Get your hand off your cock.”

 

“What!” She had to pull the phone away from her ear at first because his shout echoed loudly.

 

“I know you’re over there thinking about me, but it’s rude. I want to talk to you seriously and you-”

 

He laughed annoyed. “Just go will you!”

 

“Fine.”

 

“And I do not have my hand on my cock.”

 

“Sure.” She cut the phone off and slipped on some socks and shoes. She had on pajama pants and one of his white t-shirts that she stole from him. She pulled a jacket over her arms and then quietly maneuvered around the house and out on the front porch.

 

She called him again and sat down on the wooden steps.

 

“Hey.”

 

She parroted, “Hey.”

 

For some reason those 5 minutes from the last time she had talked to him had calmed her down and made her quieter. Maybe it was the cool, late spring Michigan breeze, but chill bumps scattered on her arms and her eyes began to water.

 

“How’s my girl holdin’ up?”

 

“Ok. Visitation thing was bad.”

 

She heard him sigh over the phone. Not annoyed, not tired, just clearly sympathizing with her. “I’m so sorry Kristen.”

 

She sighed herself and rested her head in her hands, with her elbows on her knees. “I just, I didn’t know anyone, ya know? And every time someone said something to me it was how much they remembered my mom or my grandma or knew me when I was 2. All I wanted to do was stand up on a table and yell ‘I don’t give a damn! Now can we get this over with so I can go back to my boyfriend?’”

 

“Really?”

 

“I…” Her voice caught in her throat and a tear slipped from her eye. This time it wasn’t because of the cold air.

 

“Kristen…”

 

She couldn’t hold it back anymore and her tears fell freely. She hadn’t cried once since she had arrived in Michigan, and now it all just rolled out of her. “I miss you so much. I feel so alone out here. A-an-and what’s the worse is I have to stay out here and help my aunts move all this shit out of my grandparent’s place.”

 

“What about your grandpa?

 

“I- I think they’re gonna put him in a home.”

 

“Shit,” she heard him breath out.

 

“I know. But he’s so bad Justin. It’s like he’s not even there. And I don’t know. My aunts have all lives of their own and can’t really just drop everything to take care of him. I mean, fuck it Justin.! I heard them arguing over it in the kitchen last night when I got here and they basically just said they knew he was gonna die soon too. What next? Are you gonna break up-”

 

He cut her off and she sniffed. “I can’t see myself breaking up with you. Ever.”

 

She used her free hand to dry her cheeks and wipe at her eyes that were starting to ache. “Wh-what?”

 

“I just can’t see it happening. I look ahead and I do not see ANY reason to arise for me to loose you.”

 

“I just…”

 

“Shhh, I know love.”

 

She took a deep breath during the silence on the phone and closed her eyes. She prayed that some how he’d be there with her when she opened them; somehow he’d just appear beside her and hold her and kiss her and make everything better. But when she opened her eyes she was met with nothing but the dark small front yard and black asphalt of the street her aunt lived on. The moon made everything look dark navy. She heard bugs chirping in the bushes beside the steps and looked up at the clear sky.

 

She was alone.

 

“I need you so bad right now.”

 

It was quiet again and she heard him say in a small but honest voice, “Kristen, do you need me there?”

 

“Justin you cant-“

 

His voice raised a little and seemed even more determined. “Do you NEED me there?”

 

“I’m fine,” she lied.

 

“You don’t sound fine.”

 

She was trying to cover up how much she needed him. She couldn’t have him dropping everything and flying out to see her. It just wouldn’t work. He had too much responsibility and too many other important things to deal with than her being upset that her grandmother died. It happened everyday to lots of people. People died and there was nothing she could do about it except move on. She didn’t want to drag him down. “Just, I’ll call you tomorrow after the service, ok?”

 

“Baby, seriously? Are you ok?” His voice was worried. It was the last thing she wanted from him and she almost started to wonder if this was good for him. He didn’t need this right now. Tour life was already stressful enough on him and she knew, being in New York, the guys itinerary was 100 times busier than normal with all the press and media right next door. He didn’t need her in his life right now. She was just holding him back and she didn’t want to keep him from what he loved the most.

 

“Fine, just fine.”

 

His voice was angry over the phone, but she didn’t care as long as it got her off the phone with him and let him do his business and got her out of his way. “Fine.”

 

“I’m gonna go to bed.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Night.” And then she hung up.

 

She walked upstairs after locking the front door, got in bed and closed her eyes. But she didn’t fall asleep.

 

She couldn’t get him off her mind. And she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be better off without her.

 

What was she anyway? She wasn’t anything special. She wasn’t a singer and wasn’t famous and wasn’t gorgeous. She was a normal 20 year old with a bitchy attitude and a fucked up past. Who cared?

 

He did. And that hurt.

 

He could do so much better and she started to wonder what would be best for him.

 

She loved him, yes. She loved him more than she had loved anyone in her life. And because of that, she starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, she should get rid of him.

 

Or maybe, rid him of herself.

 

-----

The next night.

 

They had made it to the hotel about 2 hours before after a day full of interviews and press conferences. Most of the guys had either retreated to their rooms or gone out for the night. He was too anxious to sleep and too tired to go out. So he had booked the weight room and was in there bench pressing with Todd. Kristen had confused the hell out of him the night before, crying one minute and being weird and distant the next. He knew he hadn’t handled it well and should have been more considerate but when he tried to call back her phone wasn’t on. He had called and left messages on her phone 3 times that day and not once had she returned his calls.

 

He was very worried.

 

And having Trace run in, out of breath and swearing he just saw Britney in the lobby didn’t help.

 

And then having Trace leave him there, alone besides Todd, to go see if he could find her again, for reasons beyond him, didn’t help either.

 

After three more presses a familiar plain ring went off in the small bag he had brought down to the gym filled with bottled water, a hat, a towel and a minidisk player. He normally would have had the music up so loud to drown out his thoughts, but an hour of trying to get that to work didn’t help, so he had resorted to silence.

 

He slowly set up, trying not to pull or strain anything by moving too quickly and reached over to his bag. He pulled out the device and knew instantly he shouldn’t have put on an extra 10 pounds on the bar. His arms ached.

 

He sighed annoyed, knowing it was probably Melinda or someone wanting to go over press shit. But when he looked at the number he smiled slightly and felt a weight of worry lift from his shoulders. His arms didn’t hurt as bad anymore.

 

“Hey baby.”

 

“Hi.”

 

He leaned back against the bench again and rested. He was ready to call it a day and go upstairs, talk to her on the phone and chill. She had that way with him, she knew exactly how to relax him and all she had said was “hi.” “Did you get my calls?”

 

“Yup.” The p of her word popped loudly.

 

“How is everything?”

 

“Perfect.”

 

His eyebrows bunched together and didn’t like this short attitude she had going on. His anxiety started to creep back a little. “One word answers, my favorite,” he said sarcastically.

 

“Yup.”

 

He hoped she would just say she was busy doing something important. But she sounded pissed off and her words were extra clear. “Ok, spit it out.”

 

“You really want me to?”

 

“What’s going on Kristen?”

 

“I think we should break up.”

 

“Funny.” He rolled his eyes.

 

“Not really. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the past few days. I think we were both lonely. I probably wont be coming back to the tour so just forget about me. You’ll probably never see me again anyway, so don’t worry.”

 

He rubbed his forehead, getting a very very very bad feeling about this conversation and where it was going. She seemed sure of herself, too sure of herself. “Kristen this isn’t a nice joke.”

 

She coughed a little and continued to speak extra clearly and a little slower than normal. “Well good, because I’m not joking. I think we’re better off without each other. I mean what the fuck do the two of us have in common ya know? What the fuck are the two of us doin’ together?”

 

“Bu- but I love you.” He said in half laugh and half shock.

 

“No you don’t. You can’t love me Justin. It’s impossible.”

 

“Baby, did something happen with your dad? I mean if you-“

 

She interrupted him and his stomach started to churn. He was confused and when he was confused his life sucked. He liked being in control and liked knowing what was going on. He was clueless and therefore he was nervous. “This has nothing to do with my fuckin’ Dad, Justin. I think me and you should break up. In fact, I don’t just think it. I’m breaking up with you. That’s final.”

 

He shot up on the bench and for a second thought he was gonna faint because he got very dizzy and lightheaded. “This is shit Kristen. You aren’t making any sense.”

 

“It was fun. Thanks. If you’re ever in Detroit, look me up if you have time- wait, don’t worry about it. Just don’t worry about me. See ya around.”

 

“Kristen what- what the FUCK!?”

 

She had hung up.

 

He stared at his phone, nostrils flaring, confused, angry and hurt more than he had been in a while. His jaw tightened and his eyes watered.

 

Not again.

 

“What happened?”

 

God, not again.

 

“She just broke up with me,” his voice was even but cold.

 

“You didn’t tell me you guys were-“

 

He shot up and got in Todd’s face. He needed to let his anger out somehow and Todd seemed to take it well sitting on one of the benches, a weight in one hand, staring up at his pop star friend. “WE WEREN’T! We were fuckin’ PERFECT! I was an ass the other night but then all this shit happened with her grandma and I thought we had just patched it up. She didn’t even give me a reason besides we aren’t good for each other.” He angrily tried to redial. “What the fuck? Her phone isn’t on! What type of- I’m calling Rick.”

 

He stormed off.

 

“Wait Justin you cant just leave. Hold on a second boy!”

 

His hand was poised like a police man stopping cars, ready to push the doors open, but something was holding him back and then he felt his shirt choking him. He stopped his forward motion, turned around and found Todd, holding on to the back of his cut off tee. He kept dialing Rick’s number on his cell and shoved the phone up to his ear, pouting.

 

“Rick. Yeah, what’s Kristen’s number in Michigan?”

 

He heard Rick yawn over the phone. “Hell, I don’t know.”

 

He snapped. “What the fuck man? You know you know!”

 

Rick’s voice got into a raspy, non-chalant, ‘told you so’ attitude. “You told me you were getting her a cell a little while back. So I threw them away. I didn’t think I’d need them anymore.”

 

“You’re so FUCKING irresponsible!” He yelled into the phone and then whipped around and slammed through the doors. His world was collapsing. He was red.

 

So yeah, he was acting like an alpha male, which typically he didn’t do. Normally when he was upset or mad it was more like a baby alpha monkey, with a few huffs and puffs, a lot of pouting and whining. This time, he was enraged.

 

“What happened? Are you ok? Is she ok?”

 

“Fuckin’ wonderful.” He flipped the cell closed in an angry manner and walked into the awaiting and empty elevator doors. He punched the top floor and watched Todd barrel into the door with their bags in his hands.

 

He breathed a second as the doors closed and then turned and kicked the inside of the elevator. “SHIT!

 

“Calm down, son!”

 

“I fuckin’-” His voice caught in his throat and he realized he was getting choked up. He sniffed and swallowed hard.

 

“What?”

 

He shook his head and sighed, his voice increasing in volume as he talked. “I love her Todd. What the hell was that? Like I totally just got SIDESWIPED here. WHAT the FUCK?!”

 

“I don’t know, man. Just calm down.”

 

The doors opened and he snatched his bag from his companion and left the elevator. “I’ll be in my room.”

 

Todd followed him a few feet and stopped, staring at him and making him annoyed as he dug for his keycard. “Hey, don’t do anything stupid. She’s probably just bumming over her grandma. Just cut her some slack.”

 

He fumbled with the card and finally after kicking and cursing and almost breaking off the handle, got the door open. “Cut her some slack? I’m sorry Todd but having your grandmother die isn’t a really legitimate reason to call your boyfriend up out of the fuckin blue and say, ‘oopps, sorry we made a mistake. See ya like, um, never!’ That’s just bullshit.”

 

“Just go in your room and sleep it off, ok?”

 

“Whatever.” He stomped into his room and threw his bag on the floor, not caring that it sounded like he broke his minidisk in the process. He heard the door slam behind him and stood there in the room alone with ragged breath and his hands on his hips, one hand filled his with phone.

 

He sighed and then quickly wiped at his eyes. He wouldn’t get upset this time.

 

And if she came back, he wouldn’t be drug around. He’d be strong this time.

 

-----

1.5 hours, 2.75 various mini bar liquor bottles, 4 beers and a half a bottle of coca-cola later

 

“Answer…” He slurred as he dialed her number.

 

All he got was the pre-recorded voice mail lady. “Stupid bitch.”

 

He threw the phone on the end of the bed and when he rolled and fell on the floor he didn’t care. He really needed to stop with the throwing cell phone fetish he had. It was his 2nd that year, and was already a little beat up from his temper tantrums.

 

He couldn’t believe that she had broken up with him. This was the second time for him in a period of three months. That had to be a record for a guy like him. He was supposed to be popular, hot, sexy, the most wanted man in the world. And he couldn’t even keep a stupid fuckin’ little 20 year old toy girl from Detroit.

 

He was the best thing she had ever experienced. She should be grateful. She should be down on her hands and knees right now worshipping him. He was Justin.

 

Bitch.

He was in shock. And for Justin, that was a weird feeling.

 

But the alcohol helped bunches and now he was just pissed. Pissed and tired.

 

He thought he heard a light tapping but figured it was probably just his brain. All he wanted to do was pass out now. He wanted to fall asleep. Then maybe when he woke up she would be with him and this would all have been a nightmare.

 

Or maybe he’d wake up and still be with Britney, or still be alone or something and his time with Kristen would have been a dream.

 

But 5 minutes later he thought he heard a female voice: a familiar female voice and another knock, this time louder.

 

He’s heart began to race.

 

He was nervous. What would happen if she was there on the other side, staring at him, wanting to “talk” about all this that had gone on? He wasn’t ready to see her, not after all that she had put him through. Maybe he was just hearing things. Maybe not.

 

He laid there on the bed, perfectly still, almost ready to hide. He wanted to cover up in the covers and go to sleep. He was tried of her. She had broken up with him. Fine. He was through.

 

She never wanted to see him again. He didn’t give a fuck.

 

But the knocking was causing a headache and before he knew it he was at the door, swinging it open and staring at the petite figure in front of him.

 

Her hair was a little wavier than normal. Her eyes were wide and her smile wasn’t that big. Her jeans were tighter than normal and her top was a normal Rainbow Bright baby tee. She had on those damn sandals she always wore that he didn’t think looked too flattering on her feet.

 

He sighed. What now? Was she gonna step on his heart and play football with it and then give it back to him?

 

No Thanks. Keep it.

She bit her lip and looked at the floor ashamed, like she knew she had done something wrong. Oh she knew she had done something wrong.

 

“What the hell do you want?”

 

She ignored him and flipped her hair over her shoulder in a completely girly move. Her big brown eyes, smoky with makeup stared into his and she quietly responded, “Hey Stinky.”

Chapter 24

 

5 days later

 

Everything about her, hurt. Her head had a permanent migraine it seemed. Her legs ached from running through the airport like she did. Her stomach hurt from anxiety. And her eyes hurt from crying.

 

She had been drunk. And when she was drunk she did extremely stupid things: like kiss people and become overly flirty and accidentally fall down and break up with her boyfriend.

 

Oh, her ears hurt too, from being cussed out repeatedly on the phone by Rick. She had called him the night before and spilled everything. She had told him how in love she was with Justin, how she felt unworthy of him, and how she had had a few too many shots in her system.

 

She had been bumming all day and her 27 year old hippy cousin, Ted, finally one without a K, invited her over to his place to watch TV and drink, because according to him she looked like she could use a couple in her system. Well, a couple became a little more than a few and she ended up calling Justin and drunkenly breaking up with him with out much of a reason.

 

She woke up the next day with a headache and a terrible desire to call him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was too ashamed now. She knew he probably woke up to his senses and went out that very night and fucked some blonde twit.

 

He was free of her finally.

 

But then she talked to Rick.

 

He had yelled at her for being so childish and then softly told her about Justin. He told her how he wasn’t saying a word to anyone. He told her how Trace and him got in a huge argument the other night that half the arena could hear. Then she found out that fights between Trace and Justin, like the screaming match that took place, were something that rarely ever happened. He explained to her how quiet he had been and how one time he had thought he caught Justin crying.

 

That broke it for her.

 

And that broke her. She sobbed to Rick over the phone at that moment. She realized how much of a fool she had been and finally, she realized how much he really loved her.

 

So she left her family, most of who had already went their separate ways, booked a flight, and was now in a cab in New York, hoping to get back to hotel before the show was over and hoping that she had enough cash in her wallet to pay for her cab fare.

 

And she hoped when she got there and pulled out the key to Justin’s room she still had, that it would work, and that when he’d come back he’d be happy to see her and they’d cry and kiss and make up.

 

It was exactly 11:50 when the cab stopped. She said thanks and opened her door but then realized that this was not the hotel she had said. Of course a fight between her and the guy who barely spoke English ensued and finally after a battle of words, awkward silence, and slow traffic, they arrived in front of the hotel. She saw someone from their security standing out front and a couple girls and that made her feel better.

 

She smiled. And then that anxiety built up again.

 

She paid the cab and was sure he called her a bitch in whatever language he was native to. She grabbed her small bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. She walked through the doors, weaved her way through the lobby, seeing a couple people that looked familiar hanging out, and then straight to the elevators. She ignored all the glitz and glam; she had had enough of a culture shock when they had arrived here to begin with. She made it to the elevators and pressed the up button when she was stopped by one of the security guards from the hotel.

 

“Excuse me ma’am, do you have a key?”

 

She rolled her eyes and turned around on her heel. She gave the guy a bored look. He didn’t look much older than her. “Are you seriously gonna make me get it out?”

 

He nodded quickly. “Yes, security precaution.”

 

She waved her hand in the air and looked off to the side. This was the last thing she needed right now. She wanted to go up the damn elevator, to his room, and finally get rid of all those damn butterflies in her stomach. But no, her anxiety had to be prolonged. “Look, I’m with the tour. Believe me I’m not a teeny.”

 

“Key please, ma’am.”

 

She growled under her breath and let her bag fall off her shoulder and hit the ground with the thud. She mumbled curse words under her breath as she squatted down and unzipped her side pouch where she kept all her keys and important stuff. But as she flipped through she didn’t see anything. She started to panic a little. “Shit, I must have left it in his room. Dammit.”

 

“Ma’am if you are not checked in here you need to leave.” The guy’s voice got a little edgier and it made her want to scream. She could see herself now behind bars all over a stupid room key.

 

She thought about looking for her tour pass. Maybe if he saw that he’d cut her some slack. She kept frantically searching. “Shit, I bet my pass isn’t anywhere around either.”

 

“Ma’am will you please follow me.”

 

She looked up at him and then over his shoulder to see two larger men with hotel uniforms on, barreling their way. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

A few seconds later, hands were on her shoulders trying to lift her, but her hand caught something at the bottom of her bag. She pulled it out and pushed it into their faces, yelling. “LOOK! SEE! PASS THINGY! And look, ooo, a key to a room too. Get off me punks!” She pushed the younger guy off her and the two other security guards backed down and exited the scene.

 

The young guy bowed slightly and gave her a pitiful look. “I’m sorry ma’am. I’m just goin my job.”

 

She just rolled her eyes, zipped her bag back up and turned around. “Whatever.”

 

She got in the elevator and sighed. She rode up to the floor and when the doors opened a wave of nervousness came to her. She didn’t know what to expect and she was scared out of her mind.

 

She shot through the doors and made her way quickly to the left, towards his room. “Excuse- Kirsten! Hey there.”

 

She was startled for a moment, thinking she was going to get checked again, but it was only Todd. She sighed and smiled. “Hey Todd.”

 

He stopped about 5 feet in front of her and looked back at the elevators, double checking to make sure no one snuck by. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”

 

“Me either.”

 

Todd smiled secretively. “You come back to make up with the J man and stuff?”

 

She just shook her head and turned around, hoping he would take the hint that she really didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. “I’ll talk to ya later Todd.”

 

“Oh ok, I get it. Be nice to the boy.”

 

She looked over his shoulder and he was already back to his post. “I’ll try.”

 

She was at the door to his room when she realized the butterflies were still there. She looked down the hall at Todd and called out, “Hey wait.”

 

He leaned forward on his chair and turned to her. “What?”

 

“They back from the show yet?”

 

He nodded and then leaned back more comfortably. “Just got back.”

 

Forget the butterflies, these were bees. And if she wasn’t careful, she was going to get stung. And she was allergic to bees. Actually she wasn’t. She was just so terrified of them that she told everyone she was so they’d wouldn’t think she was a wuss when she ran away screaming. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to barge in, but she didn’t want to knock. Finally she decided to do both. If she got stung, then she’d run away screaming. But she had to take the chance.

 

She stuck her key in the slot, cracked open the door and knocked. She heard the TV on pretty loud and then heard it go to mute and when she opened the door up a little further and stuck her head in she wasn’t prepared for what she saw.

 

It was just him and Trace. Trace was sitting in a chair in the corner looking up at her peculiarly, a beer can resting in his hand. Justin was standing up, eyes wide, looking a little afraid. He was in track pants and a wife beater.

 

She wondered what the hell she had been tripping on to make her want to break up with him because he looked damn good right then. Tired, but damn good. Silence was so thick in the room, but she had to speak. So she stepped in a little farther.

 

“Hey.”

 

He took a deep breath. He seemed slightly relieved, but also scared. “What are you doing here?”

 

She licked her lips, the anxiety at its max right then. She was ready to run away. She didn’t want to be rejected and she had a big feeling she was about to be. “I- I came back.”

 

He changed. Something in him changed. He wasn’t scared anymore. He seemed annoyed and frustrated and somewhere in her got pissed off. The old Kristen got pissed off and defensive. But the new one was still showing. Her eyes were watering. “I see that. But what are you doing here?”

 

His hands were on his hips and she mocked his position, but first letting her bag fall to the floor with a thud and then throwing her key down on it. “I came to apologize.”

 

He rolled his eyes at her and plopped down on the edge of the bed in front of the TV. “Apology accepted.”

 

She scoffed and looked over at Trace who was staring at her wide eyed. “I haven’t even said anything yet!”

 

She watched Justin as he groaned into his hands and then lay back on the bed. His hands fell to his sides and he looked up at the ceiling. “Kirsten, what the hell do you want from me?”

 

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. She could smell fresh soap from her position right by the bathroom and feel the humidity coming from the steam. He had just taken a shower. She wanted to be against his body, smelling his clean skin and feeling the heat radiate off from him. But he was being distant, he was picking a fight intentionally, and he was getting under her skin. “Please don’t start this shit.”

 

“I don’t wanna be messed with.” His head lifted from the bed for a moment to look at her, and then went back down against the floral pattern. “Truthfully what do you want? You wanna drag me around? You wanna do what every other girl I’ve dated has done?”

 

It was like he was a Sioux or something and she was a doe. She could feel the arrow going straight into her stomach. “Jus-“

 

Trace caught her attention. His eyes were wide and he looked more uncomfortable than the fat kid in gym class. “Uh, you guys want me-“

 

But he was interrupted and she was startled. Justin rolled his body forward off the bed and stalked over towards her. It was the closest they had been in about 5 days. He took a deep breath, looked at the ceiling and let it out. His blue eyes smacked into hers and she was forced to stare at him and listen. “I love you. I told you over and over. I tried showing you. And maybe I’ve fucked up a few times on the way but despite what people might tell you, I’m not perfect. God, I don’t understand it why everyone thinks this. I’m human, don’t you GET that? But since I’m who I am every tiny STUPID NORMAL mistake that I make that tons of guys make every day, since I’m who I am, it gets blown out of proportion. I thought you understood this. I thought maybe you’d cut me some slack. You treated me normal and then you brought out this you don’t deserve me shit. YES I do Kristen. I deserve someone that keeps me grounded. I deserve someone that cuts my ego down. I deserve someone that treats me normal. You did that, but now it’s changed. So what do you want Kirsten? Do you want me to be your boyfriend? OR do you want that guy on the stage? The guy I am when I’m working. Who do you want Kirsten? Ya know sometimes I just wish that I-“

 

“I want you Justin!” She had had enough. She was breathing like she had just finished the Boston marathon. Her emotions were about to spill over. Her eyes were glassy with tears and her body felt like it was shaking.

 

He stared at her and she was about to walk away from him. She knew he was going to reject her. His face was emotionless and if she looked harder she knew she would find that her little outburst just made him enraged. He hated her now.

 

But then the corner of the left side of his mouth was pulled tighter. His left cheek got a little fuller, and soon she saw the white of his teeth shine through. He was smiling at her. It was a small smile, a half smile. But it was a smile and a genuine one at that.

 

She started smiling herself and then felt her cheeks get hot. She didn’t know why she was blushing but she was. He stepped forward and it was silent but she saw his mouth, saw the movement and her heart heard him when he barely whispered, “Baby…”

 

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked to her side to see Trace smiling between Justin and her, with his hand on each of their shoulders. “Ok, normally I would make a really lame excuse like I had to go make a call or something but, I can tell you two want to rip each others clothes off so I’m just gonna go. Kristen, good to see you sweetie. Justin, always remember, no glove no love.”

 

She felt a kiss on her cheek and seconds later heard the door shut and then click when the lock latched.

 

Justin’s eyes moved from behind her, to her face. He chuckled, “What an ass-“

 

She wasn’t in the mood for laughter. “I love you.”

 

“Baby…” His arm opened to her and she stepped into his body and wrapped herself around him. She clutched his shirt in her hands and pushed her face into his chest.

 

The fabric made her voice muffled. “I’m so sorry. I- I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking.”

 

She felt his arm around her and his hand running over her head. It made her feel safe. It made her feel good. It made her feel home. “Shhh…It’s..it’s ok.”

 

She held him tight and started to feel the heat from his body warm her up. She took a deep breath and took all of him in. He was hers and she wasn’t going to make that mistake again and let him free. She needed him and so what if she held him back? It was time for her to be selfish and that meant keeping him at all costs. “So, y- you want me back.”

 

He smiled down at her and she wanted to take a picture so it’d last forever. “You know I do.”

 

“You forgive me?”

 

His smile was playful and that was a good thing. “Maybe…”

 

But this was off. Something was weird. He forgave her way too fast. She pulled away and looked at him very critically. He seemed different and she couldn’t put her finger on it but he seemed that way. She shook her head. “Whoa, wow.”

 

He asked, following her to where she had plopped down on the bed. “What?”

 

“I thought I was gonna have to beg or something. This is a lot easier.”

 

He lay down on the bed and pulled her up beside him. He situated her into his body and held her tightly, very tightly. Any tighter and she’d suffocate. “I’m an easy goin’ kinda guy. So you want me? Regular Justin?”

 

She wiggled a little, trying to get out of his gasp and more comfortable. “Yes, Justin. I want you, just you.”

 

“Yes…” His voice was quiet, like he had won a personal victory.

 

She looked him again in the face. It was still there. Her eyebrows merged and she stared hard. “Something’s up.”

 

“What do you mean?” His voice was too casual.

 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re being a little weird.”

 

“I am?”

 

“Clingy.”

 

He tensed but when he took a deep breath and let it out the tension seemed to leave him and she felt better about the situation. “Well I thought I had lost my girlfriend and then she comes back and tells me she’s sorry and she loves me. So I’m clingy and happy.”

 

“Yeah, but still...”

 

He took his hand and placed it on her cheek. She noticed it was cold and clammy, unlike normal. His big dark eyes looked lost and worried and she felt bad and wanted to keep him from whatever it was that was causing him to be that way. “I-I just don’t wanna lose you.”

 

She placed her hand on his cheek and found his face unusually hot. She watched his eyes close as his forehead hit hers and she whispered, “You won’t, you won’t.”

 

----

He was nervous.

 

He was going to loose her. He felt it. But she couldn’t know.

 

He loved her. He loved her desperately. And it scared him that he had such strong feelings, and that they had come that fast and that they were for someone who was so different than him. When he was with Britney he thought he was with the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. With the girlfriends before that, he was just too immature to know any better. He didn’t know if he could see himself being with Kirsten for forever. He couldn’t see her having children, and whenever he thought of that he was reminded of what she had told him about her past.

 

She was close. She was very close to being a mother at one point, but he couldn’t even imagine it. She was hard and she had had a tough past that had probably forced her to grow up a lot faster than most kids. So had he.

 

But there was a big difference between the two of them. He had been forced to grow up and forced to become very mature. He had the mind of a 35 year old.

 

She was still very very much 20 years old. She was naïve. She was immature. And it reminded him of the little visitor he had had a couple days before.

 

Being like that with her felt good. It felt good having her lips travel down him. But his mind was elsewhere and he hoped she didn’t sense it or maybe he did hope so. He didn’t know how it had gotten out of hand, but they got naked really quickly and started doing things. Her body affected him like nothing else. He had forgotten how beautiful her body was. How her skin seemed to radiate when the lights were off, no matter if it was day or night.

 

And when she started to get to that area, that area that was starting to push out the distant thoughts in his brain, he knew he was going to have to stop it before he did something he’d regret and something he’d have to pay for.

 

He wondered if she was doing this to make up for what she had done to him. He wouldn’t let her.

 

He looked down and was startled when he met her eyes. They were grayish blue, not brown. Her hair was light brown and pulled back in a straight ponytail, not dyed blonde and wavy. Her hands on his waist were small, the nails bitten off and free of nail polish except for a few left over specks of black, not French manicured, with long nails.

 

He was losing it.

 

“What is it?”

 

She stopped from where she was pulling him out of his boxers. Somehow laying there with her, having her comfort him and love him had turned into kissing. Kissing evolved into her being naked and him being in his boxers with her hand sneaking in the small slit over his crotch. “Don’t.”

 

“You don’t want me to?” Her eyes were big, wide, innocent, dammit, sexy.

 

“You’re doing it as a sorry. I don’t want that.”

 

“But-“

 

He rolled away from her and pulled his legs over the side of the bed. He sighed and stared at his feet. “I need to talk to you.”

 

“Oh god.”

 

He looked at her and she looked terrified. She curled into herself, covering her body. He had scared her and that’s not what he meant to do. “Its…lay with me.”

 

He pulled back the covers and watched her scurry under them. He got in after her and felt her body press into his. He looked over and she was inches from him, staring, trying to figure him out.

 

He was in trouble.

 

“You look scared.”

 

He was. He was terrified. He couldn’t tell her. But he had to. She’d find out someway somehow. That’s how it always happened.

 

But she was so beautiful staring at him. She loved him and he loved her. And he wanted to show her, with every part of him. He wanted to purify himself, get rid of all the negative and start over.

 

And he wanted her with him. He couldn’t explain it. It made no sense. But he couldn’t be with out her.

 

“I-“

 

“What?”

 

“I want to make love to you.” It came out of his mouth before he could seriously think about it. And by the look on her face he just knew was one of rejection. He shouldn’t have said it.

 

He couldn’t let her know.

 

“O- ok.”

 

He looked at her strangely, half not believe that all she had to say was “ok” and the other half of him convincing him that he didn’t hear her. “What?”

 

She stared at his chest for a moment and then lifted her eyes to his. She looked innocent and she looked scared but she seemed damn sure of herself. “I want to, too.”

 

“You do?”

 

She rolled her eyes and pushed him a little, a smile breaking through her lips. “No, I just said that because I’m a really good cock tease.”

 

But he wasn’t in the mood to joke around. This was serious. If he was ready and she was ready, then oh shit. This was it. They were going to do it. It seemed weird that it was such a big deal to him, to them, to their relationship. But sex was a big thing. He didn’t ever see it as just sex, just getting off, but it was more. For him it was really connecting with someone. He believed whoever you had sex with would always stay with you no matter where you went, and even though he knew the media liked to play him as the ladies man, he wasn’t.

 

Sex was special and even though he knew most guys would laugh their asses off at him, he’d deny it if he didn’t feel right about it. “Seriously Kristen.”

 

“I love you.”

 

He sighed. She was now trying to convince him that she was serious and he knew she was. It was going to happen. He was going to make love to her.

 

There was nothing to stop him now. “I know, you’ve told me.”

 

She curled up to him and began to softly kiss his chest. It felt good and that part below his belly started to stir. “What do you want me to say? I want to feel your body against mine.”

 

He met her eyes and smiled. “That’s a start.”

 

“I wanna feel that big dick in my pussy. Oh yeah, slap my ass.”

 

He shook his head. Only her. Her face tried to be serious but soon he felt her nose and her smile pressed into his skin over his heart and felt her body shake a little with giggles. “Why must you do that?”

 

“Cause you like it.”

 

His arms wrapped around her and rolled over, pushing his body weight into her grinding his hips a little. “You know it.”

 

“Oww.” He pulled away, realizing he was smushing her a little and finally situated himself over her, most of his weight on his forearms. He hovered over her with him in-between her legs, resting against her and the bed. They had lay like this before, him pressing into her with no barriers or anything, but now, knowing they were going to make love, it felt different. His sensations were heightened.

 

But he wasn’t ready to get that serious yet. He needed to be playful first. He had learned that with her. Too much seriousness scared her, and he didn’t want to scare her. If they were going to do this he wanted it to be perfect. He just wished he had had time to plan it out. “Ya know you should break up with me more often if the make up part means we’re naked in bed together.”

 

“Pig.” She pushed at his shoulder.

 

“Oh my god, Jessie!”

 

“Jessie?”

 

He smiled at her confused features saying, “Ya know Saved By the Bell. Jessie always called Slater a pig.”

 

“No, you’re definitely not Slater.”

 

“I know, I’m Zach all the way.”

 

“No,” she smirked at him, “Screech.”

 

He sighed and laid his head down on her chest, hearing the soft thump of her heart. “Dude, Screech is the shit.”

 

“You would think so.”

 

“I bet you thought screech was hot. I bet you wanted to do him.”

 

“No. I want to have sex with you.”

 

He rolled his eyes at her, continuing their playful conversation. “Duh. Who doesn’t?”

 

“No Justin.” But then the playfulness ended. He realized she was pretty damn ready for him. Her eyes were sure and she didn’t look scared at all anymore. Her hands were on his shoulders and he could feel her body all against his, warm and wet and waiting for him. He didn’t have to persuade her, he didn’t have to comfort her or give a speech to her about how they could stop whenever. She wanted him now. “I want to have sex with you.”

 

And it shocked the hell out of him. “Holy Shit.”

 

Her eyes broke contact with his. “Please.”

 

“I- Damn.”

 

“I- I…” Oh no, he saw her eyes start to water. This wasn’t good. His mind couldn’t take much more. He didn’t know whether to be upset or happy or scared or concerned. She was so damn sure of her self and so mature and that was so out of ordinary for her.

 

“What?”

 

“I wanna feel you.”

 

He felt her hand on him. Felt her stroke him and then felt her lips travel up to his neck and start to torture him. He wasn’t sure. He was scared. He wasn’t ready. “D- don’t do this to me.”

 

“Please…”

 

But he was a man, and he had a penis and in that moment it took over him and he wanted to do nothing more than feel her around him and be inside of her. “O- ok…”

 

And so he kissed her. He kissed her hard and could feel how much she wanted him and was enjoying this. He started to loose his breath, started to get dizzy, but kept kissing her and touching her breast as she touched him. His mind was on one thing, her, fucking her. He couldn’t stop himself, he was a machine.

 

Her felt her tiny hands pull him closer. Felt them place him where he was supposed to go. All he had to do now was push. He wasn’t even thinking safety. He didn’t even have condoms on him. He looked down at her. She looked beautiful and he wanted her badly. And he was going to have her.

 

“I love you.”

 

But she loved him.

 

He caught his breath finally and the world stopped spinning. Everything became perfectly clear. It was clear she wanted him. It was clear they were about to have sex. It was clear he was not thinking clearly. And it was perfectly clear that he couldn’t do this.

 

Not after what had happened.

 

He was reminded of what he had done, or what SHE had done a few days before. He was royally fucked up. He saw she was getting worried. Could feel it the way her hands were gripping his arms tighter, hear it in her breath as it sped up, see it in her eyes as they got bigger and he eyebrows furrowed.

 

“I…” He rolled off and her stared at the ceiling. “I can’t.”

 

“Wh-what?”

 

He looked over at her and couldn’t stand the sight of her. He couldn’t look at her after what he had done.

 

He ran to the bathroom and shut the door. Cold water splashed against his face and made his skin prickle and sting. He looked up at himself in the mirror. His eyes look drawn in and lifeless.

 

“Justin, let me in. What’s wrong?” She banged on the door but he had locked it. He looked at himself again. He couldn’t believe he tried to forget her, forget it all, forget what they had done. Kristen was right. He wasn’t over her. He wanted to hurt himself.

 

He physically wanted to beat himself up. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve her to love him that much. He didn’t deserve to make love to her. He felt like a bastard, an asshole, he felt like a bad person.

 

No, he couldn’t make love to her. And he was ashamed to think that he could. He actually thought he could, even though he had just been with his ex girlfriend two nights before.

 

He was a bad person.

Chapter 25

 

It took all of her strength not to leave.

 

Her chest started to tighten and she knew tears were going to come falling down if she let them. It had only been a few seconds, maybe a minute, since he had stormed out of bed; but she felt like he had been in there for hours. She pressed her forehead on the mantling beside the door and tried again to turn the doorknob. If she had been in her right mind she would have poked fun at him for doing such a girly thing. He had run away from sex and locked himself in the bathroom. But something was wrong. She could tell it when he was looking down at her. He looked scared and that was a look she hadn’t seen much on him until that day. She didn’t really like that look on him.

 

“Justin, please…”

 

She sighed and waited. Finally, he said in a quiet voice, “Hold on while I pee.”

 

“O- Oh k…” She was startled, hoping she hadn’t just made a big fuss when all he had to do was use the bathroom. It was a little weird listening to him pee, but he had a habit of not closing the door when he did that and she was in the room, so she didn’t think much of it. She heard the whooshing of the toilet flush and a few moments later the door unlocked.

 

She was quite reserved about making the move to go in there. Ok, she was terrified. She didn’t know what had caused this. It was very sudden. She knew it wasn’t because he wasn’t attracted to her. She knew he was. She had felt him and had been with him before in a way that she knew he wanted this. But he hadn’t been there mentally all night, he hadn’t been there since she had got back and she had a weird feeling that he wasn’t being totally honest with her. Something else had happened while they were broke up, or either he was still getting over the weird little spell she had.

 

But then she heard it. She had never heard a guy cry before and hearing the throat-choking sob that came from him and the sniffs from inside the bathroom- she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She turned the knob to the door and pushed it opened.

 

He was leaning over the sink, his forehead against his folded arms that were resting on the counter. If she wasn’t so worried she would have cracked up. He was naked and his position was less than flattering.

 

“Justin what the hell is going on?”

 

He lifted his head and looked at her through the mirror. He heaved a few times with quiet sobs and asked, still looking at her, “Why are you with me?”

 

She groaned aloud and covered her face with her hands, rubbing them over her skin and massaging it. She could not believe this. Him, of all people, saying THAT. That was something someone insecure like she would say, not him. She knew he wasn’t perfect mentally. She believed no one was. But he knew how to hold his own and try and stay stable in his unstable life. “Please do not tell me this is all about some low esteem issue.”

 

He scoffed and let his arms dangle by his side, his shoulders slumped over. “Seriously, why are you with me Kristen? Why are we together? You are RIGHT! We are nothing alike. I’m… You deserve better.”

 

He was actually pouting and sniffing and if she couldn’t see him right now from the neck down and see his manly body, she would have thought he was 5 years old. His finger ran underneath his nose and then he rubbed under his eyes. “Ok, this is like déjà vu. Except now you’re the one with too many tequila shots and your grandma just died. Justin I love you, you know that. And you love me. It shouldn’t matter if we are twins or not. I want you. And I think you want me.”

 

He sighed and looked up to the ceiling and then made a step forward like he was going to reach out to her. But he stopped after one step. “God yes, but...I just. Kristen, I’m- I’m not as perfect as you think.”

 

She rolled her eyes and muffled a frustrated groan. He was annoying the hell out of her and pulling her heart at the same time. She knew he needed her right now but she couldn’t help but give him tough love. She couldn’t just pet him and coo in his ear about how perfect he was. She’d be lying to him and her character.

 

So she took charge. She stepped forward, grabbed his cheeks in her hands and widened her eyes to lock on to his. “I know that Justin. I know. That’s one thing that attracts me to you. Everyone else sees you that way but I get to see all the shit you do. I know that you drool and snore. I know that you cut yourself shaving more than not. I know that you get constipated before big shows”

 

His eyes widened and he pulled away breathing out, “oh my god.” He looked at her and she was smiling at his red stained cheeks, “You did not just say that.”

 

“See…” She paused and smiled. “I know you, the real you. I know you hate oranges but will eat all my orange skittles and you steal my Sunkist whenever you think I’m not watching. I...I know sucking on your bottom lip can get you harder faster than anything else. And I know you think you’re ass is ugly and I know you hate wearing shorts because you think your legs are weird. I know I feel a little embarrassed standing here naked in front of you and you standing there naked in front of me while we talk about this. So can we either put on clothes and talk some more or either get back in bed?”

 

He smiled at her and she reached out for his hand and he grabbed it. She felt better even though it was such a simple connection. He followed her as she pulled him into the bedroom and didn’t even drop his hand as she got in the bed. She pulled him down with her and he situated himself beside her. She watched him closely as he fidgeted, trying to get the pillow to elevate and support his head and neck correctly. Finally, after he was still for a moment he sighed. “I’m sorry Kirsten I just…”

 

“What happened?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She rolled her eyes. He was playing stupid and it was annoying. It wasn’t like him to be this down on himself and she was going to talk before she let him seduce her or they went to sleep. Resolving whatever it was that was going on was a priority for her. “Something must have happened. Why were you bein’ so down on yourself?”

 

“I…”

 

She knew something must have happened in the few days she was gone. She had noticed it from the moment she had walked in. Ok, maybe not the moment she had walked in, but soon after. He had taken her back too acceptingly, had been too clingy with her that day, and hadn’t been the normal Justin she was use to. “What happened while I was gone, Justin?”

 

He breathed it out his answer and with the deep inhale that occurred afterwards, it sounded like he had just come up after spending 3 minutes underwater. “Britney.”

 

She knew.

 

Somewhere down in her she had suspected this. She had had a nightmare while she was in Michigan that Justin and Britney had met back up and had sex and when she came back he ignored her and was with little miss perfect again. She didn’t think he’d sleep with her, but still, she figured his ex must have fucked with his mind.

 

But she couldn’t let him know that she knew. “What?”

 

“She came over the night you called and said we were through.”

 

“Oh.” Her heart was beating fast, so fast she could hear it in her ears. She got the instinct feeling that Britney and him didn’t sit around and watch Sesame Street together.

 

“I was really drunk.”

 

He sounded like he was making excuses and trying to defend himself. She didn’t like that at all. That meant he felt guilty. Things were starting to click and come into place like a puzzle. She hated puzzles.

 

Kristen tried to keep her temper from flaring up. If it had been 3 months ago she would have already slammed a couple doors, slapped him and cussed him to Bosnia and back. But she was different now. She took deep breaths and tried to steady her heart beat. She couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t blow up, but she was going to try her damndest to get all the facts first. “Did you call her up?”

 

“No, she just showed up. I don’t know how, or why or anything.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“We talked. Drank.” He was avoiding the obvious and she couldn’t take it anymore. She already had the sheet ringing in her hands. He was looking off to the side, away from her. Without seeing his face it just made her more nervous.

 

“Did you have sex with her?” She didn’t mean for it to come out, but it was already out there now and she was scared by the silence that followed.

 

“S- Shit Kristen.” He glanced at her for a moment and ran his hands over his face, pulling up on the skin of his forehead and then over his head, looking like he was in pain.

 

She was terrified. She didn’t know what that meant. Yes? No? She sat up and looked down at him, her eyes boring into his and her stuttering unlike normal. “D-Did- Did you have sex with her?”

 

“No.” He said in a voice that sounded like he couldn’t believe she asked him.

 

Her lungs finally filled with air fully and she eased back down on the mattress. “Whew…scared me for a minute.”

 

“Can we just go to sleep, please?” He rolled over and pinned her underneath him. She still wanted him. His eyes were incredibly blue that night and his body was hot and hard against hers. She knew they probably wouldn’t make love that night, not after everything, but still, to have him against her and maybe to make out with him a little bit would still be enough.

 

But that could come later. She wasn’t finished with him. “No, you need to tell me why you’re so down on yourself.”

 

“I felt bad that Britney came over when you were gone.” He pouted and rolled so he was lying on his side, beside her.

 

“Why? She’s your ex-girlfriend, so what? Nothing happened.” His eyes darted away to the mattress and he drummed his fingers against it.

 

Oh, that made her feel confident. “Or did something happen?”

 

He was silent. “Justin…”

 

He licked his lips and she knew what had happened. She stared at him. “You guys kissed, didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah…” His voice was quiet and that was all he said. She couldn’t take that. He wasn’t given her any information and when he did it was because she was prying. It was annoying the hell out of her. Maybe she was just mad that she had found out that he had kissed his ex girlfriend less than a couple days ago.

 

“Ok, you’re gonna have to say more than that. I feel like I’m pulling your fuckin’ teeth out. Just tell me what the fuck happened. You’re making this more painful for me AND you!”

 

Justin rolled back on his back and let out a deep breath, pursing his lips as he went. He reached for her hand but she jerked it away. She wouldn’t let him do anything to her yet. “She came over. We talked about nonsense shit. We drank a little, I was already pretty plastered and then she started getting all ‘I miss you’ and shit. I mean I thought I had lost you and I don’t know. I mean I’m over Britney, that night told me that I was. But I just, I was so drunk and I wasn’t thinking…”

 

“And you kissed her.” She finished for him.

 

He stared at the ceiling at he talked but she stared at him. He was nervous and she could tell by the way his hands were shaking against where they were lying on his chest. “Yeah, I did. And I’m sorry I, I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t drunk. I just…”

 

“Then what?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Playing stupid was really getting on her last nerve. “After you kissed her Justin. THEN what?”

 

“Oh um, she left.”

 

It sounded like a lie. “You don’t sound sure.”

 

“Its kinda hazy but she left.”

 

She mumbled a “whatever” and rolled over then mumbled a “goodnight.” She was tired of this shit. If he wanted to lie to her and make their night hell, THEIR night, the night they were supposed to be together, then fine. He could fuck it to pieces; she’d just go to sleep and then leave in the morning and be a bitch to him forever.

 

But then he pulled her shoulder so she was on her back and leaned over her. “Look at me.”

 

She narrowed her eyes at him in a challenge. But he met it and looked directly at her. “I swear she left Kristen.”

 

They’re eyes stayed connected for a while and finally she broke their gaze and licked her lips. She was happy but she wasn’t going to just jump up and kiss him. Even though she really wanted to. “You know I would never hurt you intentionally. And I would never do anything like that if I was in control, but I wasn’t.”

 

She smiled and linked her hands behind his neck. He rolled over a little more and settled himself in-between her bent legs. She felt lighter. She knew how he felt. When she broke up with him she hadn’t been in control. “I know. Hell, I broke up with you when I was drunk!”

 

“So you aren’t mad?”

 

She looked at him hard. She didn’t like thinking he had kissed Britney, but he was drunk and it was kind of her fault he was in that state to begin with. He looked scared, still and it made her uneasy. She wrote it off as him just getting over all his emotions that had surfaced. “No more than you are at me.”

 

“Ok, good.” He smiled then, and all the freight in his face washed away as he leaned down and kissed her thoroughly. It felt good, more than good. His lips were soft against hers and his tongue, smooth. His body was hard against hers and she wanted more.

 

But she couldn’t let herself indulge yet. Her body was screaming for her to take him and hold him and do everything to and with him, but her mind was elsewhere. She was being pretty damn mature and was proud of herself in that fact, so she wasn’t going to fuck everything up now by letting her desires take over.

 

“I do think that before we do anything we need to talk some more.”

 

He sighed and gave her a bored look. “We’ve talked all night.” She wanted to be pissed off at the comment but didn’t want to make the night more tainted than it already was, so she let that slide, blaming the male part of him.

 

“I know, but Justin, me and you need to communicate with each other more.”

 

He laughed and it caused a grin to appear on her face. He was gorgeous when he laughed and dammit, he was laughing. She had to stop looking at him or she wasn’t going to get anything accomplished. Ten minutes ago she was giggling quietly to the awkward sight of him naked and upset in the bathroom and now she wanted to throw him on his back and ride him until she made him fall asleep with exhaustion. “Don’t laugh, I’m being serious. I know I have a problem with just pushing people out of my life when I’m afraid I’ll get hurt, but I know now I don’t have to worry about that with you. So I’m gonna try not to be so pushy. But you gotta open up to me, too. You can’t just run off to the bathroom or pretend that everything is peachy when its not. Ok?”

 

“Ok.” He was kissing her neck and she wondered for a moment if he had listened to anything she had said.

 

“Cause I-I want us to last.”

 

His lips stopped against her neck and she wondered what he was doing, if anything. She laid there staring at the ceiling and starting to get an anxious feeling for a good 30 seconds.

 

And then she felt his lips against her ear, whispering, “I love you Kristen. I really do.”

 

That made her smile.

 

And when she turned her head to look at him, she couldn’t hold back. And she didn’t.

 

All she did was whisper two words: “Kiss me.”

 

-----------

The Next Morning

 

He had lied to her.

 

Well, it wasn’t a direct lie, but he hadn’t really told her the whole truth. Yes, he and Britney had kissed. No, she had not stayed the night and No, they didn’t have sex, per say. But, had he cheated on her?

 

He would say no. He had been drunk and didn’t know what he was doing and wasn’t in control, even though he could sort of remember it. But what would she think?

 

He couldn’t let her know.

 

Fuck.

 

He breathed in.

I should have told her. Asshole, you could have last night.

He breathed out.

 

And he couldn’t believe he let himself do what he did to her the night before. He hadn’t been honest with her and yet they still fooled around. Everything was just snowballing. He was burring himself into a deeper hole and making himself worse and worse of a person.

 

And yet when he closed his eyes he couldn’t help but smile.

 

He could feel her soft small breasts in his hands and the taste of her skin on his tongue. He could hear her sighing out “more” and felt her body push into his as she arched up at the small movement of his fingers. He could feel her lips against his neck and her tiny hand moving over his hard-on. Pulling up and pushing down. He groaned and rolled over, pushing his hips into the mattress.

 

The bed was empty except for him and some crumpled sheets.

 

He freaked out for a moment and then remembered that she went to go get them breakfast since he wanted to sleep some more and she was awake and didn’t want to wait on room service. He pushed his hips harder and smiled to himself, keeping his tired eyes closed.

 

There was a knock on the door and he figured that she must have left her key. He didn’t want to roll out of bed but he had to. He pulled his boxers over his hips and shuffled to the door, yawning and rubbing his eyes in the process.

 

But as soon as the door was unlocked it was pushed open by the person on the other side and he stumbled back. “So did you hit it?”

 

His best friend was dressed for the day, had a bright smile on his face and no concept of courtesy, apparently. “Trace what the fuck?”

 

“Did you?”

 

He was already sitting down on the bed, remote in hand. Justin strolled over and hit his best friend’s hand, sending the remote flying. “First of all, no. Second of all, you’re a dumbass! She could be in the bathroom for all you know or in bed and you just bust up in here.”

 

“Oh shit, is she?” Trace looked around nervously.

 

“No, she went to get breakfast.”

 

“So, did you tell her?”

 

Justin crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at his best friend; a little pissed he barged in like that. “What?”

 

“Did you TELL her?”

 

He shrugged and went over to the table in the corner and plopped down in a chair after he turned it around. “I told her Britney came over.”

 

“But you didn’t tell her what Britney did to you?”

 

“She didn’t ask.”

 

He didn’t have to look at his friend to know that his eyes had widened and his mouth had dropped. “Shit man, did you tell her anything?”

 

“That we kissed and she didn’t stay the night and that we didn’t have sex.”

 

“You are an asshole.”

 

He looked up and Trace’s eyes were staring at him hard. He was tired of that. Kristen stared him to death the night before and now his best friend was doing the same thing. “I’m just, shit man! I don’t want to fuck this up.”

 

“Too late now.” Trace half laughed.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Women always find out man. And each day that goes by adds on about 100 pounds of pain. And that much more surety that you wont be able to get forgiveness.”

 

Justin felt his stomach knot. He thought he might throw up. His mouth went dry and he had a bad feeling. Trace might not have had a relationship as long as Justin had, but he had dated a lot of girls and had had his share of drama. “B- but that’s the thing man. She…If I had told her two seconds after it happened- Kristen…she’s not the type of girl that’d take me back.”

 

“Well, you fucked up. It’s not her fault, ya know? You have to deal with the consequences of your actions. If you’re lucky she’ll forgive you. And maybe, just maybe, by a miracle she’ll take you back. But don’t go in this expecting it.”

 

“That’s why I’m not telling her!”

 

“Shit man!”

 

They were yelling at each other, or at him, or something. He didn’t know, but it was causing him to have a headache. He had woken up ok, a little nervous, but after thinking about the night before and their little rendezvous he felt better. Now he felt like he was going to die. For he second he almost wished he had.

 

He thought about what it’d be like if she wasn’t with him anymore. What if she broke up with him but he still had to see her everyday for the rest of the 15 days of tour? Or what if she left and vanished and he never heard from her again? He could see her doing that. It’d be exactly like her to just say, ‘fine, I’m done’ and leave him and just say ‘fuck it’ to the world. But he had gotten her this far. He had pulled her out of her shell; made her likeable and confident in herself. She had grown up a little. And he couldn’t stand it if she was taken from him. “I…I can’t be without her.”

 

“Can you not be without her, or without women?”

 

“I can’t be without HER, man. She’s…She’s everything.” He looked down at the floor and rested his head in his hands, which were being supported by his elbows on his knees.

 

“How do you know?”

 

His voice was quiet and it seemed to dawn on him in that moment everything that had happened the past few days. Everything with her grandma, them breaking up and getting back together, everything with Britney. He realized how deeper, or different, his love was for Kristen. With Britney he had known her for forever. He knew everything; there was no mystery to her. With Kristen, there was. She was moody and temperamental and edgy but she was mysterious. And he found hat undeniably sexy. He couldn’t get enough. She had put a spell on him and he couldn’t break free. When they were together no one else existed and nothing bad could happen and if it did he knew they’d’ make it right. “I just know. I knew the other morning when I woke up and I was so fuckin’ upset because I had prayed before I went to sleep that I wouldn’t wake up. Cause then I wouldn’t have to tell her what had happened.”

 

“Well you still haven’t done that.”

 

Justin half laughed at the thought as he relaxed back a little, getting more confident with the situation in the fact that he loved Kristen that much. Maybe telling her wouldn’t be that bad. He had to eventually and sooner would be better. He had tried time and time and time again of ways to gently tell Kristen the truth. Everyway sucked. “How the hell do I tell someone something like that? Especially someone I love. Someone like her.”

 

“Well…” Trace cleared his throat. “You sit her down and say, ‘Kristen, Britney gave me head’.”

 

Justin’s eyes popped open and he leaned forward in his chair. “Shit man…Don’t- God that sounds bad.”

 

Trace shrugged, “It’s the truth.”

 

But then he heard it. It wasn’t that loud but it rang in his ears. The door clicked.

 

When he looked up she was standing there. He couldn’t tell if she was upset, sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, confused or a mixture of it all. But she didn’t look happy.

 

She had heard.

 

“Yeah, sounds pretty fuckin’ bad.”

 

“Kristen-”

 

She knew.

 

“Don’t.” She closed her eyes and put a hand up.

 

He couldn’t control himself and he had shot up and walked over to her. The McDonald’s fast food in her arms smelled strong and made him feel nauseous. “But-“

 

She jerked away from his touch. “But you weren’t man enough to tell me yourself? You were so fucking scared that you’d loose me? You had THAT little faith in me, in our relationship that you did this to begin with and then you were terrified to tell me? Thanks Justin. Thanks.”

 

“But Kris-”

 

“Save it.” She threw the bag of food and two drinks onto the bed, letting the contents spill and stain the wrinkly white sheets. She turned around and he didn’t have the strength to follow her. He knew it was happening.

 

She opened the door and looked back. He saw tears building up in her eyes.

 

He heard her take a deep breath. “Just- whatever…”

 

And that was it.

 

She left.

 

He couldn’t think. He saw things and heard things and all the other things that deal with his senses, but he didn’t feel anything.

 

He was numb. And he was alone. And it was his entire fault.

Epilogue

 

4 months later

 

All it took was one phone call. His thought process was broken and he didn’t realize until he was sitting there, staring at the familiar scene, having that process come back into play and doubts fill his mind and nerves flood his stomach. He couldn’t even bring his hand up to turn the engine off of the car. It had been 4 months and he was probably going to see her.

 

But he wasn’t there to see her.

 

Rick had called him up the day before, told him they had rolled into town on a date and asked him to come out to Ozzfest to hang out and catch up. He had taken a deep breath and asked, “Is she there?”

 

Rick had coughed and lowered his voice a little. He seemed sympathetic. “Yeah, man. She’s here.”

 

No one knew what had happened between them. She had stayed on tour for the last 2 weeks but never talked to him and when he entered the room she vanished. Everyone knew they had broken up. Everyone had asked, but he wasn’t about to tell them it was because he was a pathetic boy who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. And he was astonished that she didn’t broadcast it on national television. He was terrified that she was going to tell everyone and make him pay. He wouldn’t have blamed her. He probably would have done it if he were her to make sure everyone knew he was scum.

 

After the last show they had a big blow out party and she wasn’t there. He had wanted to talk to her and see if he could at least apologize, but Rick had told him she had got on a plane that afternoon back to Michigan to get some of her belongings for her grandparents house, since it was up for sale.

 

It had been 4 months since he had seen her. After she found out, she had gone back to wearing her normal low, huge jeans, a black tank top and hair long, straight and covering most of her face. No longer was her hair pulled back in a ponytail. And the shirts that she stole from him and wore all the time mysteriously ended up in his hotel room, piled on his bed one night.

 

She hated him and had every right to.

 

Yet he still loved her more than anything.

 

He tried dating around that summer. He tried putting all his focus on the solo album he was working on. But nothing would work. He’d lay in bed for hours thinking about her, thinking about how stupid he was, how good life was with her, how much he cared for her, how soft her skin was, how beautiful her eyes were, how she had made him see more of himself than he had seen before. And then he’d fall asleep in tears thinking about his one stupid mistake.

 

Why’d he have to get drunk? Why’d she just HAVE to been in town that week? Why’d she have to show up? Why couldn’t he say no?

 

He would have given his soul if he could go back in time but he couldn’t and now he was there, sitting in his big SUV, towering over people moving boxes, holding the pass the man at the gate had given him in his hand, and feeling so low and small. The building was familiar. He had played there before. The crew and people hanging around looked a little grungier and scarier than the ones on his tour but he figured that was just because he knew his crew better.

 

He didn’t know what he was more nervous about, seeing her, or not seeing her at all. Or there was always seeing her and having her kill him.

 

He couldn’t deal with this.

 

He couldn’t risk it. His heart had already been broken by her and stolen and he didn’t know if he could handle her handing it back to him.

 

-----

 

She was fucking pissed as hell. She couldn’t see straight she was so pissed off. She couldn’t even remember a time when she had been more pissed off than right there in that moment. The band absolutely sucked and that wasn’t even the bad part about them. They were whiney college guys who thought, hey will make a semi-punk band and scream about how hard life is and how we want to kill ourselves, when actually they only screamed at HER because she couldn’t find the box with their play station games in them. Bastards. And the only reason they were on tour was because the lead singer guy was particularly good looking and charming with the ladies and they had a video on TRL and now here they are, on Ozzfest and definitely on her last nerve.

 

Sometimes she really wondered why she took this job with Rick. The people were kind of nice and the crew was a lot like the one from the Nsync tour, but the bands were a lot more, well, more. It was definitely more her type of music but not her type of lifestyle.

 

Shit, she didn’t like it when this happened. When she started comparing her life now to the life she had before. It made her think of him. Rick never said anything about him to her and for that she was thankful. But she had broken down to him about 3 times since then about it. And as much as she hated to admit it, she wasn’t over it or him, and she wasn’t going to be for a while.

 

He had hurt her more than well, almost more than her dad. She didn’t comprehend it all. He had tried to tell her what had happened but she didn’t want to hear it. She couldn’t trust him, she couldn’t believe what he said, and she had to wonder if the whole time they were together if it was just her wild imagination making up everything that she had felt for him. If people thought she was a hard ass bitch before they hadn’t seen her lately. She was cold and borderline plain right down mean.

 

She had wanted to call him, wanted to crawl back to him, wanted to let him crawl back to her, but something in her was too afraid. She couldn’t handle being hurt like that again. She understood he was drunk, but how drunk? And she understood he thought they were through, but he should have known her better.

 

Every time she thought about it the more and more it made her ache and made her realize that maybe, just maybe she should have listened to what he had to say.

 

Or maybe she should just forget about him all together. It wasn’t like she was ever going to see him again anyway.

 

It wasn’t like he really wanted to see her. He had proven that by not trying to get in contact with her once the tour was over. On tour he tried hard at first to talk to her, after a while he given up and she thought once it was over he’d try calling or something but he never did.

 

He must have forgotten about her pretty easily.

 

“K?”

 

When she heard her nickname, she looked up from where she was digging through the pile of boxes, trying desperately to find the lost games. She looked up to see one of the crew poking their head through the doorway of the small room she was in. “What?” She turned back to her task.

 

“Rick’s looking for you.”

 

“Tell him I’m here.”

 

“Ok. You’ll never guess who’s with him.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Well, lets just say I would have never thought I’d see him here.” She had kept her head down until now and when she looked up the dude was gone. She didn’t know what was going on but she had an anxious feeling boiling up in the pit of her stomach. She had a chill come over her and tried to stay focus on finding the play station games. She did that for another couple of minutes until she heard a knock and looked over her should from where she had bent over. “Hey, what’s up Rick?”

 

“Nice view.”

 

“Snip, snip Rick,” she said, making her common reference about cutting things…off.

 

“Yeah yeah, I brought you something.” She looked up and watched him reach from in the hallway and pull a figure into the room.

 

Her heart stopped. Her eyes blinked and she couldn’t think anything but one thing….

 

It was him.

 

He was clad in jeans and a button down trendy flannel shirt with what looked like a backstage pass strap hanging out of his front pocket. His hair had grown out a little and he looked really… really… really good.

 

Her ears started to ring and she felt like she had a fever. Her mouth got dry and she couldn’t help but stare into his dark blue eyes. It had been so long, so very damn long. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act. She wanted to go over there and punch him over and over again and scream and yell, but at the same time she wanted to cry and run to him and have him hold her and tell her they’d be ok-

 

-that she’d be ok.

 

“Talk to you later.”

 

The door shut and she had to get out. This was dangerous. She ran to the door and he was in the way. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look at him anymore and said softly, “Move.”

 

He whispered, “Please.”

 

His voice was soft and deep and beautiful and she wanted to wrap herself in it. When she looked up at him she saw his soul looking back at her. He was pleading with her, begging her, ready to gravel at her feet. He seemed sad and lonely and she knew right then that no matter what happened in the next few minutes, no matter what had happened in the past year, he was forgiven.

 

And she was still very much in love.

 

“I just want to talk.”

 

They sat in silence for a while. Her looking at him, re-memorizing ever feature, trying to understand the dark part under his eyes, the chap on his lips, the hairs sticking out under the rim of his hat: He had grown it out. He had been worrying on his bottom lip. He hadn’t been sleeping. He looked at the floor, or his hands, watching them move against each other.

 

She watched his hands too, wishing she could feel them on her and then scolding herself for wishing such things.

 

“I-“

 

He stopped, took a very deep breath and sat back against the small couch in the room. She was on the opposite end from him, as far away as possible but too close, way too close.

 

“I know you said you don’t want to hear it, but I think you need to know what happened, Kristen. What really happened. I’m not here to beg you back ‘cause I know you don’t want me. I just, I want, I’m going to tell you what happened. Everything.”

 

She tried to think up some way to tell him she didn’t care, to tell him he was out of her life for good, to tell him to go to hell. But she wanted to know, and she felt like she needed to know as well. So she just swallowed and looked straight ahead of her, not daring to look at him anymore, too afraid to look at him. “Ok.”

 

He started out slow but the more he talked the more his words caught up to him. He stuttered a lot, which was a nervous trait of his. “When you called that day I- I lost it. I didn’t understand, I didn’t realize until that moment what my life meant without you. It scared me. It crashed down on me and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t call you back, I couldn’t reach you and I just started thinking the worse. I- And the funny thing is, I look back on it and I knew you so well, ya know? I knew you, I knew how you got. If only I hadn’t been so blinded I would have seen that you were just frightened and scared. But for some reason I just got upset and angry and hurt. I thought- I just, believe it or not I have very big fear that the person I love will stop loving me. I’ve given my every-fucking thing into everything I do and that includes my relationships. And I’ve had it all just taken for granted before and I was terrified that you were going to do the same. With…with her I didn’t, I didn’t see it at all Kristen.”

 

She looked over to him and his fingers were pinching the bridge of his nose and his eyes were squeezed tight. He was choking up and she had an urge to reach out to him, but she couldn’t. “I was ready to marry her and she tells me she needs some time apart because it hurt too much being with me. So, so when you said those things I just, I lost all train of-“

 

She interrupted him because she couldn’t take it anymore. She felt horrible, she felt like it was all of her stupid fault. If only she hadn’t gotten drunk and called him that night this would have never of happened. But no, she had to break up with him, he had to get sad and then do things with his ex. It all led back to her. “I’m sorry.”

 

Their eyes locked and he looked at her very seriously. His eyes tore hers apart it seemed and hers automatically started to water. She didn’t know if it was just because what he was saying or the fact that she could smell his cologne and hadn’t smelled it in so long, hadn’t smelled him in so long. He almost seemed mad at her for apologizing. “Don’t you dare apologize. This isn’t your fault Kristen. You did nothing wrong. Ok, so you got drunk and started feeling bad and called and made a mistake. We all do that. But I handled it horribly. I’m not trying to make you sympathize with me or feel sorry for me. I just want you to know how I thought about all this, what was going on in my head. I got drunk. I went to my room, paced the floor, tried calling you, and nothing worked, so I just started drinking and drinking and drinking and sometime in the middle of it the door knocks and I go to it and she’s there. And I just, I thought I had lost you. I didn’t want her to come in at first. But she forced her way in. She sat on my bed for about 30 minutes letting me yell at her and blame her for everything. I told her all about you and how much I was in love with you.”

 

With a turn of her head away from him and a quick wipe under her left eye she kept him from seeing the tear that had escaped. She hated that he had this much effect on her. Her mind was at war with itself. She kept thinking about what he had done to her and how it was an inexcusable act. She shouldn’t be listening to him, shouldn’t have even let him in the room, at least without a couple of bruises. But something in her kept her there, silently listening, growing use to his voice again and his presence and then realizing she never got unused to it, but had craved it during their months apart. “I…and I started drinking some more and she just sat there and didn’t do anything or say anything and finally I got so frustrated I just fell to my bed and cried. It was so hazy and blurry and I am not sure how it happened but the next thing I know she’s rolling me over and kissing me and dammit I kissed her back. I don’t know why. I guess it was just familiarity or loneliness or something but it happened. And I wish I could take it back. And it gets really foggy, I’m not going to lie. I don’t really know what happens next but do know at some point I’m- I’m –“

 

He trailed off and wasn’t looking at her but he had already told her a lot and she wasn’t about to let him chicken out and not tell her the whole thing. “Tell me.”

 

He covered his mouth and turned to look at her. She took in a deep breath seeing tears in his eyes. This was pathetic. They should have both been over this. It was nothing. He was a bastard and got drunk and cheated and that was that. They were through. There was nothing else to it.

 

But there was so much more to it.

 

He sniffed and wiped his face. “I’m laying there and she’s...ya know…and I’m crying. I’m getting a fucking blow job and I’m crying.” He laughs bitterly, almost embarrassed by the situation. “I don’t even know if I was hard. And I know that’s a weird thing to say but it’s true. All I could think about was you. I didn’t want to look at her but when I did I hated myself. And when her eyes met mine and they weren’t yours I pushed her off me and asked her to leave.”

 

She didn’t know why it mattered but for some reason it really did. It seemed to not make it as bad if he didn’t get pleasure from it. In fact, it made her feel better and she couldn’t help to let it brighten her spirits a little. She felt weird that it did, though. “You didn’t get off?”

 

“No. I don’t even think I felt anything. I was so numb to everything. I think I remember her putting her shirt on because it was off and then, then she left. And I laid there for what seemed like hours praying to God that he’d do something to make it all go away. I’ve never felt more low in my entire life. And finally when I passed out I just, Kristen I really didn’t want to wake up the next morning.” He reached over and grabbed her hand and she jerked it a little but not away. He squeezed it and held her gaze.

 

She couldn’t help but revel in the feel of his hands, warm, soft and big against her small, cold ones. “And then- god then…after telling Trace and having him be there for me and talk me through, you…you little…this little beautiful thing walks through my door and I have to try not to just crumble at your feet. I was terrified Kristen. I was totally, completely terrified when you came back. I could deal with not having anyone as long as I didn’t hurt you. But I couldn’t deal with hurting you. And now…now I’ve hurt you and I’m alone. I guess it’s what I deserve.”

 

She looked at him and found herself panting and sob after sob bubbling up, ready to come out. “I –“

 

And then it came. A tear fell and then another and soon she was sobbing and Justin was scooting closer to her, still holding her hand tightly. “What?”

 

“I hate it. I absolutely HATE it!” She yelled during her loud crying.

 

He backed away some. “Wh-what?”

 

“I hate it.” And she didn’t hold back. She let herself do what she had been dying to do since so long ago. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his shoulder.

 

She felt him sigh underneath her and when he wrapped his arms around her as well she felt like everything that had been wrong with her life suddenly came into place. “What do you hate?”

 

She turned her head to the side and whispered into his skin on his neck. “Loving you so much.”

 

He made a sound that sounded like the wind was knocked out of him. “Y- you still love me?”

 

She pulled up and looked him in the eyes. She was close enough to him to kiss him and she wanted to, but she wasn’t going to let her self fall that hard. She wasn’t that pathetic. “You think I could stop?”

 

He smiled through glassy eyes. “Well, honestly, yeah. After what I did.”

 

“You’re- You ever think that maybe I was just as terrified as you, if not more so? Justin I don’t have anyone to fall back on. You, you we’re…you weren’t just my boyfriend. You were my best friend. You were my family for 4 months. Every day, those last 2 weeks of the tour, I woke up in the middle of the night, went to your door and sat outside of it for at least 10 minutes. I prayed each time, and I am NOT a religious person, I prayed each night that you would open the door because in those 10 minutes I was so vulnerable I would have ran to you and taken you back before I could blink. My heart was telling me to forgive you but I just, I haven’t been in a relationship before. Ya know? I mean you see people on TV and the first time they catch their man with another girl that’s it, over with, done. But hell, it is NOT that simple. And people say that being drunk isn’t an excuse but I mean, I caused you to get plastered and how many times have I done something stupid when I was wasted. I mean you barely remember it.”

 

His eyes narrowed and he looked at her hard. “Why do you believe me?”

 

“Because I know you.” She cracked a smile and pulled away at little, keeping her hands on his shoulders. “Plus, you’re Justin fucking Timberlake remember? If you were lying you wouldn’t be here. You’d be with a young little blonde.”

 

“Red head, I’ve had a thing for red heads lately.” He winked at her.

 

“Kristen, found them?” With their hands still on each other, they both shot their heads to the door to see a guy in his early 20s with tattoos and piercing and gelled hair looking at them with wide eyes through the door.

 

“Leave.” Kristen growled.

 

“But-”

 

Before he had a chance to speak Justin barked out at him. “Leave!”

 

She started giggling, “Oh, I can not wait to tell everyone that that dude just ran away from a boy band member.”

 

They laughed but it died down soon. After a few minutes of staring at each other and then awkwardly looking elsewhere she sighed tiredly, like she had just doing exercise and for some reason she felt that way, all her emotions had just drained from her. “Justin…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I forgive you.”

 

He gasped. “Wh- what?”

 

She turned her eyes to his and gave him a hard look. She might have missed him and might have given in more than her head wanted her to, but she wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t going to set herself up to have her heart trampled on again. And she wasn’t about to lie to him. “But… but…I don’t trust you. Not…not yet.”

 

“I understand.” He nodded furiously.

 

“Do you…would you like my new number?” She felt shy asking and he seemed shy receiving. It was amazing to her how different they were now, scarred but not bleeding anymore, wiser and scared, but trying desperately to keep the little bit of innocence their relationship once had.

 

“I’d...I’d love it.”

 

“Can we…” She rolled her eyes in a typical Kristen movement and pulled fully away from him so she could talk with her hands. “Fuck it...let’s start over.”

 

“What a cliché thing to say.” His voice had mischief and she cut her eyes to him sharply, giving him her signature Kristen “fuck off” look.

 

“Do not make me change my mind.”

 

He laughed, “Do you want me to introduce myself?”

 

She slapped him against his shoulder and he mocked pain. “No dip shit. I just, friends?”

 

“And then talking?” Damn that pure, happy Timberlake smile.

 

“Well maybe if you’ll lucky we’ll skip right to the going out part.” She teased.

 

“Score. Sex.”

 

“Justin I’m not making any promises.” She cut off the playfulness because she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. In no way was she trying to lead him on or think that they’d go back to the way they were. She missed him, yes, and she was still in love with him, but she was no where near ready to be his girlfriend. He had to win her trust back first.

 

“I don’t want you to. I’ve gotten a hell of a lot more out of this visit than I had planned and a shit load more than I deserve.”

 

She pointed at him. “And if you try to slip me the tongue within the next 4 weeks you’re dick will become approximately 4 inches shorter than its current status.”

 

He was smiling again. “Man, I’ve missed that. So who’s the band you’re looking out for, toy girl?”

 

“Eh, some little punks. 5 of ‘em, think they’re the shit. Especially the lead singer dude. He thinks he’s some sort of ladies man. I hate to let him know this but well, he’s rather gay. And kind of dorky, but in a bad way. Reminds me of someone? Hmm…”

 

The loud Justin laugh echoed in the room and it made her eyes shine with tears again, but different kind. “Lance, definitely Lance.”

 

“But alas, Lance wasn’t the lead singer now was he Justin?”

 

He wrapped his left around her neck and hooked her into him, squeezing her tightly and annoying the hell out of her in the process. “It’s good to have you back.”

 

She stood up and straightened her clothes out, needing to move around a little before she spazzed out at the fact that she was rather calm, they were going to be friends again, and that he, HE was back in her life. “I’m not back. And if you tell any one, even Rick, that me and you are, well, speaking again- I’ll kill you.”

 

“Ok.”

 

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “I have to keep some sort of bad ass reputation.”

 

“You have my word. This…” He stood up and motioned in between them. “It’s just between the two of us.” He stuck his hand out for her to shake and she eyed it carefully as to pick on him before sliding hers against his and shaking it twice.

 

She smiled at him and he at her and she knew, they’d be ok.

 

Somewhere down the line, whether as friends, lovers, or whatever else, they’d be ok.

 

Well, as long as he didn’t do anything stupid, like something bad enough to make her break out the cutting board.