Gone....It was done, over. The culmination of the last five and a half years of his life. Gone..up in smoke.

He sat on the end of their bed in his Dolce and Gabanna suit.She had it custom made for him.It had always been her favorite. She had said he looked like he did in his MMC days.

It had been the suit he had married her in six months before.On a secluded beach in Malibu.And now it would be the suit he would bury her in too.

She had taken her last breath in his arms 3 days before.She had decided after she got diagnosed she wanted to die her way, not the way they had described to them at all the oncologist appointments. They had talked about it, and she decided to die with dignity.Her health had began to decline rapidly, about 2 weeks ago. So 3 days ago she had taken the dose of medication and was resting comfortably in his arms. she looked up at him, and said " I love you Josh." She had closed her eyes and fell asleep. Her breathing had slowed, and something beautiful has slipped from ones side of the world to the other.

He hated cancer,especially Glioblastoma, with every fiber of his being.it had taken her from him in less than a year.

A knock on the door shook him out of his haze. And into his now cold, hard reality. A life without Jen.

Justin stuck his head in the door. The sight of his brother like this was almost more than he could stand.

"C. The cars are here..It's time to go."

He got no response, just him sitting on the end of his bed, staring off into space.

" C.They are ready for you downstairs. We need to go now." , Justin said again, as he moved into the room. No response.He walked to JC and put his hand on his shoulder.

"C.. you  OK?"

JC looked up at Justin, not even realizing he was in the room until that moment.He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. There were no words for how he felt. Which was dead........Numb.

 "C.. The cars are here to take us all to the service. We have to go now." Justin said again.

"I can't move." He said, in a voice barley above a whisper.

" What?"

"I can't move , J" he said, a sob at the end of his sentence,   He looked up at Justin, his blue eyes pleading " Please help me J."

" It's ok C."

" How do I do this, J?" JC asked, a sob escaped his chest. Sounding more like a primal scream.

" I wish I knew. but you aren't alone." Justin said rubbing his back as he sat next to him on the bed.

" Joshua." Karen said, and they both looked up at his mother.

" You have to do this baby. We are all here for you to get each other through it."

"Mama I can't do this, I can't ......I don't know how.":JC sobbed into his mother's shoulder, as she sat down on the other side of him.

" Neither do I. But Jen would not want you to be like this. She wanted you to live the life she couldn't. "

He held onto his mom for dead life and sobbed

A few moments later, his sobs quieted, and he allowed a Justin to help him up off the bed.

The rest of the day went by in a blur for him. After the service they all wound up back at the house. family and close friends milled around talking about Jen.He sat out on the balcony staring into space,and his thoughts drifted to a happy place for him.To a day six months  before. Before cancer had taken over there lives, and she was just happy and beautiful.

********************

Six months ago.......

On a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Malibu.He could see her at the top of the hill

with her Dad.She looked more beautiful, more stunning than he had ever seen her look before. Almost like an angel.

Justin and Tylerstood by his side. She moved with a grace he had never seen in hear before.Like she was floating on a cloud of white.It was a simple Aline gown with a halter style lace neckline,and a billowing chiffon skirt that looked like a cloud as she walked with her Dad. She wore her long, dark hair up. Soft curls framed her face.A crown of Wild flowers  were her crowning jewel.. She chose to wear no veil, said it was too much.

Jen and her Dad hesitated right before they met the boys at the Flower laden archway.She looked like she lost her balance. But, she looked up into JCs  azure colored eyes with her brown ones and moved up to him.

" You Ok" he asked, as he cupped her cheek with his hand.

She smiled, and said," I am Now." As she held onto his other hand.

Michael stood in front of them, as the office took of their small, private ceremony.

" Everything Good?" He asked.

" Yeah, Go ahead," JC grinned

" Well then Folks. We are gathered together here today in this time and place to celebrate the life and love of this beautiful couple Joshua and Jennifer. Josh, Jen are you two ready to be married."

They never broke eye contact with one another and said " Yes" at the same exact time.

He stood in the shower letting the hot water spay down on his weary body. He had slept, maybe two or three hours since Jen had died..But, nothing solid for days now.

Tears streamed down his face,and he let the sobs come. Once he was all cried out, he turned off the water. He got out of the shower and dried off and changed into a clean white tshirt and black basketball shorts.He walked into the bedroom, and laid down on the bed. Where moments later he passed out. 

Sometime later, Justin came to JC's bedroom door and knocked. No answer. He knocked again, and tried the handle. It was unlocked, so he opened the door quietly.There he saw JC asleep on the bed.He backed out of the room  and closed the door,walking back down the stairs, he saw Karen. All the other family members had left hours ago. But she stayed behind to help clean up.

Lance and Michael were helping her clean up the kitchen. she heard Justin come into the room and Asked, " How is He"

" He finally passed out, so I left him alone." , Justin answered and plopped down on the couch.

" He needs to sleep."

"You look like you could use some sleep yourself. You've been up and around with him for days now." Lance said to his brother.

" I'm ok," Justin lied, he was bone tired. 

" I can take you to the house when we leave. " Michael offered.

" No, guys I'm fine. We all know that I'm not the one we need to be worrying about right now." Justin tried to throw the attention off of himself and back on JC. Karen crossed her arms over her chest

" Your mama would kill me if I didn't take care of you and make sure you are ok. Now take the bed in the guest room and take a nap." She said pointing at the bedroom door.

He knew he couldn't go against Karen, so he shrugged his shoulders and got up and walked into the bedroom and closed the door.Laying down on the bed felt great, and he was asleep in minutes.

A few hours later..........

A Blood curdling scream was heard throughout the house. Justin was shook from a sound sleep, knowing who's scream that was,He hit father floor and was the first one up the stairs. He threw open the door to JC's room to find JC sitting up in the bed , not completely awake, screaming.

He had been having night terrors since the day Jen passed away. Justin sat down on the bed next to him. " C...it ok, Wake up ...it's ok."JC Woke up and the screams became sobs? Justin pulled him into his embrace and cried himself. They sat there for awhile,and he realized that jC had gotten quiet.Justin realized he was asleep again and he laid him back down on the bed.

He covered him up and left the room. 

Jess was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

" How is he?" she asked as he walked up to her and hugged her tightly. It was then he let go of all the unspent emotion . He cried into her shoulder.

" It's not fair Jess, it's just not fucking fair. "

" I know, I know baby." She said, sighing.and going through the motions with him.In reality,she could care less about the lot of them.

" I don't know how to help him Jess. "

" Justin, you have done it. You have been here for weeks now. With him and Jen.She cupped his cheek with her hand, " It's time you come home. "

" You know I can't do that."

" The boys want you to come home." She answered," Phin asked where his Daddy was this morning," 

" I'll call them tonight, tell them I love them."

" Justin, you can tell them yourself, at home,", she huffed.

" Jessica you know I'm needed here,"

He could feel his frustration building, trying to control his temper.

" They need you too." she countered,

" Don't you think I know that? C needs me now. "

jess picked up her bag in a huff and walked out of the room, a minute later the fron door slammed shut.

He turned in defeat, and saw Karen looking at him.

She did not look happy,

" Justin, don't you let her make you feel guilty for what you are doing for Josh. It's beautiful she needs to get her priorities straight and not use those babies against you like that. it's downright Disgusting."

**********(

JC went through his closet hastily,throwing clothes into his beat up leather duffel. He went into the bathroom and grabbed his toiletry bag and threw it in on top of all the unfolded clothes and zipped up the bag. 

he grabbed the keys to his jeepoff the night stand and the keys that Justin had given him a week earlier.He made his way downstairs quietly as to not wake anyone in the house, He went to the garage and got into the Jeep, throwing his phone and bag in the passenger seat.Where he sat for a few moments and wondered if he was doing the right thing.The one and only thing he knew with any certainty was that he could not stay another minute in that house surrounded by her stuff, with her memory.He started the keep, and hit the button on the garage door opener.

Justin woke up the next morning with a start. He got up and went into the kitchen to start the coffee. Karen soon joined him in the kitchen.

" Did you get any sleep?" she asked, getting a cup and filling it with coffee.

"A little, couldn't get my mind to shut off." He answered, sipping on his mug at the kitchen island.

" Yeah, aI know the feeling." She said as she absently started to make breakfast.Soon she had shooed Justin out of the kitchen to go epwake up JC.

Justin went upstairs.... JC's bedroom door was standing open, and the lights were on. He walked up to the open door and looked into the room. The bed had been slept in but was empty., as were some of the drawers in his dresser.and the closet had hangers hanging are. Like someone had been through it grabbing stuff.

" C..."

No answer, He walked into the bathroom. His toiletry bag was gin as was his toothbrush and other essentials he knew he couldn't live without. " C ? where are you?"

He came out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. He walked by the table where JC normally kept his keys. They were missing as well as the keys to the house in Montana he had given him last week. Justin barreled down the stairs and to the garage, opening the door, and Finding that JC's Jeep was missing,

" SHIT!!!!!!!!"He said loud enough that Karen followed the sound of his voice to the garage. 

She saw the Jeep was missing,

" Justin, Where is the Jeep? Where is Josh?"

" I don't know,  But I think Inknow where he is going," He said going back into the house and grabbing his IPad.

*********(******

He had made it almost to Salt Lake City without anyone texting or calling him,He looked over at the ringing phone on the seat next to him. It was Justin. He let it ring.

He was getting tired and saw a rest stop up ahead.Where he stopped and took a nap in the drivers seat.

A couple of hours later he sat up, and stretched from sleeping sitting upright. his phone was still blowing up.The new notification was from Justin.

J: C... you don't have to tell me where you are. just let me inkwell you are Ok.

C: I'm Ok

He sent the message and then turned off his phone all together. He started the Jeep, and got back on the road.

*************

Justin jumped when his notifications went off on his phone, He opened the message from JC. relief filled his body. He now knew what he had to do. He opened the door to his house and was met by a less than happy Jess.

" Bout fucking time you showed up here. We just about forgot what you looked like around here." She spat as he entered the living room.

" Save it Jess. "

" Well you just missed the boys, they are at my a mom's for the weekend."

" That's good. I won't be here anyway."

" What? Where are you gonna be?" She asked, surprised by his non Chslant attitude. 

" Montana."

" Why?"

" To find C."

" Of course. It's always about him."

"He had no more patience for her bullshit.

" Jess , if this were anyone else in your family I would do the same for them. He is my family.My brother!"

" No He isn't " She screamed at Him.

" YES HE IS!" He bellowed back at her,

" I want you outta my house by the time I get back from Montana. " He seethed, his voice low and even.

" I'll take everything you ever had or ever hopted to have Justin, You Owe me," 

He laughed out loud , and said" The most you'll get is whatever is in the prenup. I didn't cheat on you, so good luck with that.And don't you dare try to take the boys, I will bury you Jessica."

" I..." She knew he was right, and better to say anything else to him when he was this upset.

He pushed past her, and went upstairs to pack a bag,

he walked back down the stairs to find her standing at the bottom , waiting for him.

" Justin"

" I'm not changing my mind Jess. This has been a long time coming. I'm going to Montana, and when ai get back we will hash out a deal about the boys." 

With that, he walked past her and out the front door , and got into the Hummer and headed in the direction of his house in Big Sky.

  Justin pulled into the driveway of his house in Big Sky. Fully expecting the lights to be on and  Jc's jeep in the driveway. There was no sign of JC anywhere.

  " Shit." He said, as he let himself into his house. It was cold. So he turned on the heater, and went to the firebox and grabbed some wood and started a fire in the fire place in the living room. 

 " Where the hell are you C?" He said out loud to no one. 

 He landed on the couch and pulled out his phone. He scrolled to JC's number and pushed it. It rang several times, then he heard someone pick up on the other end. 

" It's about fucking time you answered." Justin stated into the phone. 

" And who is this?" A stern female voice answered. 

" This is Justin, Who in the hell is this?" He asked, his mind reeling What the hell had JC gotten himself into this time. 

" Well Justin, this is Deputy Amanda Jarvis. Your friend  has landed himself here in the Ravali county jail on a couple of charged. "

" Jesus." He said, He ran his hand over his face. " What the hell did he do?"

" Well, Bubba shot the juke box in a bar."

" Where is he?"

" He is currently in my drunk tank, drying out. You can come and pick him up if you like. He have impounded his jeep. He needs to be back in Hamilton on Monday for court though."

" I'll be there in a couple of hours." he said as he hung up the phone. 

It was then he called Eric. He paced the the floor of the living room .

" Yes. Oh I found him." Justin said, as he scratched the back of his head. As he regaled Eric with the news that the Deputy  had bestowed upon him.

********

JC woke up to bright lights, his head spinning. He sat up, immediately sorry that he did. Bile was rasing up the back of his throat. Ir was then he realized, he had no idea where the hell he was . Nothing looked familiar to him. 

" Mr Chasez, are you ok?"A female voice he couldn't place asked him. 

He looked over to where the voice was coming from. It was then that he noticed the bars between him and her. Jail??How the Hell??What the hell had happened to land his ass in jail. He had no memory of anything after stopping at the Bar. That had to be it, The Bar.....

" SHIT!"  He said, as the bile reached the top of his throat. His eyes were huge. 

Deputy Jarvis replied, " There's a bucket right next to you, use that."

He saw the bucket, and proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach into the bucket. Once he was done, he sat back aginst the wall of the cell. Trying to remember anything about what the hell he had done to get himself in this place. He couldn't remember a damn thing. 

" What did I do?" He finally said. 

Deputy Jarvis smiled, saying," Well, story has it that you showed up to the Bar in Darby. You were drinking pretty heavily. And one of the patrons of the bar put on a song that you did not care for. You asked him to change the song. he said no and told you to go fuck to go fuck yourself. You saw the owners 45 laying on thee bar, grabbed it and shot a few rounds into the jukebox. The rest is history."

" I killed a jukebox?" JC repeated.

" Yes sir."

" Well, it's official. I've completly lost what's left of my mind. " He replied to the officer, hanging his head.

She tried to stifle her laughter, and he looked up at her in surprise. 

' What song did he play?"

" You really don'e remember, Do you?" 

" Nothing." He said, shaking his head no. He had no memory of anything after going into the bar. 

" They said that Kevin played " He stopped Loving her today." She responded.

" Christ."JC said, putting his hands up to his head. Which had started to pound by now. 

"Then when the Sherrif's son, Kevin grabbed the gun out of your hand.  You decked him. Knocked him smooth out. Not that he didn't need it. Between you , me and the fence post, that kid needed to get laid out years ago. They said you got a standing ovation. "

He looked up at the officer and saw the wide grin on her face. He laughed out loud. 

" Are you for real?" he asked, not believing the look on her face. 

" Nobody likes Kevin Honey. You did the world a service. The only reason the Sherrif brought you to m e was to keep you safe from all the people who finally realized who you were. Your friend Justin said he was on his way here. That was a couple of hours ago." 

All of a sudden things were to much for him again , and  he heaved into the bucket again. When he was done, he laid down on the bench and let sleep slowly overtake him. 

*******

He could swear he could hear someone clearing their throat. JC opened his eyes and looked up.He closed them again,and wanted the small holding cell to swallow him whole right then and there. 

" JC. I know you're awake. Amanda here said that she had been talking with you on and off through out the night. " Eric said, as he leaned on the other side of the bars. 

" This is embarrassing." he grumbled. 

" No. If it leaks out to the press, then it's embarrassing . Right now, it's just my friend/client who just lost his wife blowing off steam."' 

" I have a hearing on Monday. 

" Not anymore. magically all the charges were dropped. Under the the understanding that you pay for the damages to the bar and buy them a new Jukebox."

" I can do that."

" You are really lucky that the Sherrif's daughter liked Nsync and was a huge JC fan."

" Shit Podwall, what did you do?" JC asked. Annoyed at Eric. 

" Nothing. She was there and she recognized you and told her dad that it would be bad to arrest a widower who had just lost his wife. She really went to bat for you." 

He felt guilty now. Shit. A woman he didn't even know was going to bat for him.

" So, can I get out of here now?"

Amanda opened the cell door and said," It was nice to meet you. I wish it were under different circumstances. But, I have a hell of a story " She grinned, he pleaded with her with his eyes not to tell anyone about this. 

" Don't worry , Josh. You're secret is safe with me." She smiled, as he walked hy her  and out the door. He and Eric walked out to the front of the station, where Justin pulled up in his Rubicon.

" Need a lift? NO WAY in hell I'm letting you drive after the night you just had."If JC didn't know better , he would swear that Justin was laughing. 

Once JC and Eric got into the jeep and they pulled away from the station, justin Began to grill JC.

" C, What the hell were you thinking?"

JC was silent, and just continued to stare out the window. 

"C?" 

" I think that it's obvious that I was not thinking at all,Justin. " He replied, still staring out the window into the wilderness that was Montana.