Summary: Being married to Justin Timberlake isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, there are the perks like the six million dollar house and the big diamond on my finger, but all Justin does is work. He's always in a different state or country and even when he's home he's working so much I hardly see him. There are two different Justin's: the superstar and the family man. Although I know which one he says he'd rather be, sometimes I'm not so sure.
Categories: In Progress Het Stories Characters: Justin Timberlake
Awards: None
Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 18 Completed: Yes
Word count: 40499 Read: 56005
Published: Aug 01, 2007 Updated: Sep 16, 2007
Story Notes:
I wrote this one awhile ago but I'm going back and fixing it up a little. I'm going to continue with the whole two person point of view thing haha. I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1 by Lily
2. Chapter 2 by Lily
3. Chapter 3 by Lily
4. Chapter 4 by Lily
5. Chapter 5 by Lily
6. Chapter 6 by Lily
7. Chapter 7 by Lily
8. Chapter 8 by Lily
9. Chapter 9 by Lily
10. Chapter 10 by Lily
11. Chapter 11 by Lily
12. Chapter 12 by Lily
13. Chapter 13 by Lily
14. Chapter 14 by Lily
15. Chapter 15 by Lily
16. Chapter 16 by Lily
17. Chapter 17 by Lily
18. Chapter 18 by Lily
As soon as I walked off the stage I was handed a towel and then rushed through the crowd of people that are supposedly working for me, it doesn’t look like they’re doing much work. I wiped the sweat off my face and threw the towel on the ground before grabbing the water bottle from one of the stagehands. I walked quickly out of the venue sandwiched between two of my security guards that led me into the limo waiting to take me to the hotel down the street. I let out a sigh as I rested my head against the window… it’s been a long couple months. I love touring but it’s just so much work, and I miss everyone so much. I felt the limo stop and I opened my eyes and looked out to see what looked like hundreds of screaming people, there’s so many of them. There are so many different people out there now. Back when I was with NSYNC it was pretty much the same, 12 to 18 year olds girls, some younger, maybe a couple older. But now, it’s everyone, young, old, skinny, fat, tall, short, girls, and guys. You’d think I was the president or something. And it’s late too; those kids are no older than 9 years old, what kind of parents let their nine year olds stay out past one in the morning just to see a limo passing by… I would never let my children do that. We finally got through the crowd at least enough for me to get out. Security placed a hand on my shoulder and led me through the crowd, I felt hands all over me, people grabbing my clothes, my hair… yes it’s me, I’m a real person step the fuck away.
Once I was inside of the hotel I let out a sigh of relief. I stepped onto the elevator and got off at my top floor room. I shut the door and fell onto the large bed, once I was down it took a lot for me to get back up. I took off my shirt as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower when I heard a scream… what the fuck? I opened the curtain and saw a girl standing there in fucking lingerie, “Who the hell are you?” She smiled when she saw me; “Get the hell out of my room”
“I’m here for you Justin” she said as she stepped out of the shower, “I’m here to give you anything you want”
“I want you to leave,” I said as I walked out of the bathroom and she followed me close behind, so much for anything I want, “How the hell did you get in here?”
“Does it matter?”
“No, you’re right it doesn’t… get the hell out of my room”
“I want you”
“And I want you… to leave, goodbye”
“But Justin, I will do anything you want me to do”
“How old are you?”
“21”
“Bullshit”
“18” she’s probably not 18 either
“I’m 28… that’s disgusting. Now get out of my fucking room or I’ll have to get someone to escort you out” she looked at me one more time, took a deep breath and walked out of my room. How the hell do these people get in my room?
“Who the hell was that?” I heard the voice and looked up to see her smiling face
“I wish I could tell you Leah, the hoe was in my fricken shower,” I said with a chuckle
“Aww she just wanted to catch a glimpse of your fine ass” she smiled as she sat down cross-legged on the bed next to me, “Good show by the way”
“Oh yeah thanks, you too. You’re getting the hang of it”
She laughed as she lay down next to me, “Pretty nice room huh?”
“Yeah, it’s aight” I said as I sat up, “So what’s going on tonight?”
“I dunno” she shrugged, “I’d say we could hit the clubs but by the crowd of people outside I’d say you’re not going anywhere”
“Yeah, I’m too tired anyway” I paused, “Let’s just get some room service and watch a movie or something”
“Sounds good,” she said as she reached over to get the menu before I could… smartass.
Leah’s kind of been my savior on this tour. She just started out, it’s her first tour and without her, honestly I don’t know what I would be doing. Sometimes touring just annoys the hell out of me; whenever I’m stressed out as much as possible she always seems to come by. It’s cool with her, everything’s just chill; we can talk and hang out, just like one of the guys.
I heard my cell phone ring from the bathroom and I heard her pick it up. Shit I hope it’s not Kim, she hates her so much.
“Yeah, one sec… is this Kim?” I heard Leah’s voice… shit I knew it, “Hey, it’s Leah” she continued, I’m sure Kim knows who you are Leah, no need to introduce yourself, “Good… how’s everything going?” I bet Kim is biting her lip right about now… well at least I hope she is, she better not be saying what she’s thinking, “Oh it’s awesome… so much fun” she paused as I walked out of the bathroom, “Ok well, I’ll talk to you later, here’s J”
“’Thanks” I said as I took the phone away from her and walked into another room of the suite so I could have some privacy, “Hey babe, what’s going on?”
“Well” she began before clearing her throat, shit I’m in for it now, “Happy anniversary first of all”
Shit. How could I forget that? “I didn’t know the date, no one tells me the date” I rambled, why do I even bother? She knows me too well, “I didn’t know today was the 23rd”
“It’s not,” she said and I could almost hear her roll her eyes, “Today’s the 22nd Justin, our anniversary was yesterday… the 21st”
I was silent for a couple seconds, trying to think of some excuse, “Baby, I’m so sorry, it’s just been a really hectic couple days and everything’s just going crazy. I’ll make it up to you I promise” I paused, waiting for some kind of response
“How long has it been Justin? How many years?”
Shit. Why does it matter how many years we’ve been married? The point is we’re married… happily married, isn’t that enough? “Six” I said softly just because I wasn’t sure, it was either six or seven, those years fly by.
“Good guess”
“It wasn’t a guess Kim, come on I know how long we’ve been married’
“Of course, it’s just the date that you don’t know” she said with that sarcastic tone I used to love in her voice, but have recently grown to loathe.
“I miss you”
“Well obviously not enough to call me on our anniversary… or enough to call at all in the past week”
“I’ve been busy”
“You’re not too busy to call… you’ve never been too busy to call” That right there hit me below the belt. She’s right. I’m not too busy to call the woman I love. I used to call her everyday, multiple times a day. What happened? And it was all about the way she said it too, the monotone voice she used, like it’s really bothering her… well obviously it’s bothering her. Damn I need to straighten my shit out.
“I’m sorry. Honestly I’ll make it up to you”
She paused for a couple seconds, probably running though what she’s going to say next in her head, “So how’s the tour? I see Leah’s answering your phone now too”
“Come on Kim” she hates her so much. I don’t know why… well I guess it’s just a jealously thing because Leah’s with me all the time. But that’s just so stupid because Kim could come with me, hell I practically beg her every time I leave but she never comes, “I was in the bathroom, she answered my phone”
“Why is she in your room? Jive can’t afford another room?”
“Don’t be smart” shit. Did I really just say that?
“Ok dad” she didn’t say anything for a little while, “I’m just saying… it’s like one o’clock in the morning why are you guys sharing a bedroom?” she started to choke up a little, like she honestly doesn’t trust me enough to think that I would be sharing a bedroom with someone that’s not my wife?
“Kimberly you know I am not sharing a bedroom”
“Then why is she in your room at one in the morning?” she whined
“Because I just got done with the show and now we’re getting food and then going to bed, different beds in different rooms, even on different fucking floors”
“I don’t like that you spend so much time with her”
“I don’t spend so much time with her” I yelled and then caught myself. The point of this whole thing is that I’m making my wife uncomfortable, I forgot our sixth year wedding anniversary… I’m screwed. I need to get away from this tour, to go home for a couple days… to spend time with her.
“You see her more than you see me, and I’m your damn wife”
“Then come on tour with me dammit!” I yelled as I stood up and began pacing around the room. I brought my voice down before I spoke again, “You’re acting like I haven’t begged you to come on tour with me every fucking time I talk to you. Come with me Kim, how many times do I have to ask you?”
“Don’t yell at me,” she said calmly but I could hear the sadness in her voice, and it was killing me more than it would have if she had yelled at me, “I can’t just leave Justin, it’s not that easy”
“Well what do you want me to do?” I asked honestly. I don’t know what to do
“Call me, like you used to call me. I’m sick of having to call you every time. You used to call me every day Justin, like multiple times a day and now that we’ve been married for awhile you call me like a couple times a week if I’m lucky. Do you honestly think that I don’t want to hear from you or something? It’s hard enough to deal with not being able to see my husband for months at a time but not being able to talk to you for one whole day alone is seriously enough to make me go mad” Shit. This is serious, it’s not just me slacking off a little not able to call my wife, it’s a much bigger deal to her
“I’m sorry. Baby you know I’m sorry, I’ve been busy and I haven’t had time to call you but I didn’t even think it’d be that big of a deal to you. I’ll call you everyday baby, I promise, I’m sorry” I was just rambling at this point, I didn’t even know what I was saying. She was quiet, even after I stopped, “Baby, are you still there?”
“Yeah” she said quietly, “I just want you to come home. I hate this so much”
“I know you do baby, but I’ll be home soon”
“I miss you so much, we miss you so much”
“I miss you all too” I paused and realized how fucked up my job really is that I have to be away from all my loved ones so often. We spent awhile talking and then she fell asleep. When we first started dating and I was away on tour we’d talk every night and fall asleep on the phone with each other, listening to each other breath. I know it sounds corny but for a while that was the only way I could fall asleep. And hearing her breath on the other end of the phone made the thousands of miles distance feel like she was laying right there next to me. But I quickly realized that wasn’t good enough, I had to be with her… I had to go home.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading!
I woke up to see my four-year-old daughter Hailey jumping on my bed. I lifted my head up and saw her smiling face and laughed slightly before throwing my head back into the pillow, “Mommy wake up” she giggled as she began to shake me
“It’s too early, mommy needs sleep” I said although I knew that wouldn’t work. I sat up and pulled her into my arms, “Why are you up so early?”
“I’m not”
“What time is it?”
She looked over at the digital clock next to the bed post, “7-4-7”
Damn it is late, especially for her. I laughed as I got out of bed with her in my arms, “Where’s your brother?” she shrugged, “What do you mean you don’t know?” she giggled and then pointed to her brother, my two year old son, Jacob, who was sitting on my bedroom floor hiding behind his teddy bear, Mr. Wimples. , “Oh I don’t know where Jacob is, but I see Mr. Wimples” I said as I picked up the bear and my son along with it, “Oh there he is” I said as I heard him giggle and fell onto the bed with him in my arms, his blond curls bouncing in different directions as he fell. He looks just like his father; he’s like a clone.
“Mommy we’re hungry” Hailey said as she pulled my arm to get up
“OK me too, what do we want? Pancakes?”
Hailey nodded her head as I grabbed my glasses from the nightstand, “When’s daddy comin’ home?”
“I don’t know sweetie, soon I think”
“But I want him to come home now”
“Me too… me too” I said and then quickly grabbed onto her as I walked out of the room, “So who wants chocolate chips?”
I started to cook the pancakes while I let Hailey set the table, or put the plates in any order she wants. Jacob sat down playing with the napkins when I heard the door open. Who’s here so early? Justin’s mother said she might stop by but this is pretty early, “Who’s that?” I asked as I heard bags falling onto the ground. I saw Justin walk into the doorway and he had a slight smile on his face. Like he was happy to be there, but scared of what I would say or do… like I wouldn’t be happy to see him?
“Daddy!!!” Hailey yelled as she went running into his arms.
He picked her up and held her tightly in his arms, “Baby girl, I missed you so much” He kissed her and then put her down, “Jacob, come here Jake” he said as he walked over to Jacob and he gave Justin a weird look and then looked up at me, it’s like Jacob’s afraid of him or something, “Jacob man, come here and see Daddy”
Jacob stood up and came running to me, “Mommy” he screamed as he grabbed onto my legs tightly, tears streaming from his icy blue eyes,
“Mommy”
“What’s the matter baby?” I laughed slightly as I picked him up in my arms, “That’s daddy silly, you know daddy:”
“Mommy” he cried, as I hugged him tightly
“Baby you’re fine” I smiled as I looked over at Justin whose smile has faded off his face; he was a little upset now, that his own son doesn’t remember him. But it’s true, that’s what he gets for not ever being home. , “Go see daddy”
“Noooooooooo!” he screamed
“Alright, alright, calm down” I said as I sat him down on the counter next to me, “What are you doing here?”
“I had to come home and see you guys,” he said as he walked over to me and kissed me gently. No matter how hard I wanted to be mad at him I couldn’t, I miss him so much and finally he’s here, standing in front of me… about damn time.
“How long?” I asked as I fell into his arms, and it felt so good, I had forgotten how good it feels.
“The weekend” he said and then kissed my forehead, “Damn I missed you so much”
I smiled and then wiped the tear I felt falling down my face. I rested my head in his chest and then smelt the pancakes burning, “You want pancakes?” I asked with a slight chuckle as I stepped out of his arms
“Yeah” he smiled and then sat down next to Hailey at the table, “So what’s been up with you Ms. Hailey?” he asked as he ran his hands through her dirty blond locks
“I drew you a picture daddy, I’ma go get it” she said as she ran out of the kitchen to get the picture she had drawn awhile ago, she saved it close to the door for when he came back, she misses him so much, she talks about him every damn day, all day.
“And what about you Jacob? Where’s Mr. Wimples?” Jacob sat down with his arms crossed, making a weird face with his lips sticking out, “Oh there he is” Justin laughed as he grabbed the bear, he’s really trying hard to get his son’s approval… that’s really sad that he has to try this hard, “Is this Mr. Wimples?” Jacob nodded his head, “Mr. Wimples nice to meet you” Justin said as he shook the bear’s hand, “I’m Jacob’s daddy, what’s going on?” he looked over at me and I smiled, “Not too much Jacob’s daddy” he said as he mimicked a bear’s voice. Jacob giggled and Justin let out a sigh of relief and picked him up in his arms, “I saw a smile, you cracked a smile” Justin laughed as he held him close as Jacob giggled. Hailey came back and sat next to Justin, shoving the picture into his face. I grabbed the plate of pancakes and sat down at the table. We were all there. The whole family. For once we actually looked like a family. This is how it’s supposed to be.
******
I didn’t realize how much I missed Kimberly’s pancakes until they were sitting in front of me. I swear she puts some special ingredient in them that no one else does. She always thinks its funny that I talk about them all the time, but seriously they are the best pancakes ever, and I never even liked pancakes before I met her. We met in the ER, she’s a nurse and she took care of me when I broke my foot, one of the times I broke my foot.
I remember sitting there in the ER room, they rushed me into a room right away because I’m a ‘celebrity’ and I can’t wait in a public area. Although that celebrity title that I hate so much didn’t do me any favors when it came to waiting to get help. I was sitting in that damn room for what seemed like hours feeling like my foot wasn’t even attached to my body anymore. Uh… it hurts just to think about it. But then she walked in… and I suddenly couldn’t feel the pain anymore. She smiled and walked right up to me, “Hi, Kimberly Adams” she said as she held out a hand for me to shake
“Justin Timberlake” I smiled, trying to hide the fact that I was in so much pain, or at least not act like such a wimp in front of her
“So we need to get you into some x-rays Mr. Timberlake, how’s the pain doing?”
“Oh it’s fine, I’m fine… call me Justin” I said and then heard Lonnie, my security guard laugh, probably because I had been complaining to him about how much it hurt for the past hour before she came in
“OK Justin” she smiled again as she helped me into a wheelchair, “So how’d this happen?”
“I was dancing” I nodded my head as I smiled, trying to hide the embarrassment I knew was covering my face
“Dancing” she repeated and laughed slightly, the first time I heard her laugh, which was the second I fell in love with her, that’s the exact second I knew she would be the girl I was going to marry.
“What’s so funny about that?” I asked with a chuckle
“Nothing” she laughed, “I’m not laughing at you I’m laughing with you”
“Oh… ok” I laughed as she rolled me into the x-ray room, “So let me ask you something, how come I get rushed into a private room, but still have to wait for hours for you to come in and help me?”
“Oh I’m sorry would you like me to skip the other people that just got in car accidents and could be bleeding internally for someone that fell while…” she paused and chuckled slightly, “dancing?” she said sarcastically and I saw that smug smile on her face
I laughed slightly, “Well obviously, I just thought if I get the deluxe suite I get the deluxe treatment”
“Sorry bud” she smiled, “If that confuses you I can arrange for you to be away from the deluxe suite”
“No… no that’s good, I’m straight”
“Ok, if you change your mind just let me know and I’ll be able to arrange it” she smiled as she helped me up on the x-ray table, “Now smile for the camera Stomp”
“Stomp?” I laughed as the x-ray went off, “That’s wrong, that’s wrong”
She laughed again as she helped me off the table, “I’m just messing with you”
“Of course, it’s cool. So you think it’s broken?”
“I think it’s fractured” she said as she rolled me back into the room, “I think you’ll be able to handle it tough guy, maybe you’ll have to just chill on the dancing for a little while”
“It’s not that easy” I smiled and she left me alone in the room. As she was gone I was trying to think of some way to get her number or something. There was no way I could let this girl just walk out of my life forever.
“Just fractured” she said as she came back into the room with the clipboard in hand, “You should be fine, just stay off it for like a week. But if it’s not feeling better don’t try and go on it or anything, like if it hurts give it more time” she smiled and looked right into my eyes, “And you’re all set” she said as she finished wrapping up my foot
“That’s it?”
“That’s it” she smiled, “That means no dancing Stomp, or you’ll be back here in a couple more days with it broken”
“That’s an order huh?” I smiled
“Oh yes, it sure is”
“So if it hurts or something I should just call you?”
“Yeah just call the hospital and they’ll help you”
“What if you’re not working? Do you have like a cell phone or something so I could get in touch with you?”
She laughed slightly and dropped the clipboard to her sides, “You want my cell phone number?”
“Well you know, in case something goes wrong and I need to call for some help”
“You can call the hospital” she smiled, “Believe it or not I’m not the only one that knows what they’re doing here”
“Yeah but I mean, I’m already comfortable with you, you know me, you know my records and stuff” I paused, I knew I was making myself look like an idiot. I laughed slightly, “Alright, do you want to go out sometime?”
“I don’t date patients” she smiled, playing hard to get… but that’s cool… I always get what I want
“Well that’s good because I’m not your patient anymore. I’m released”
She laughed, “I’m sorry Stomp, just stay off the foot alright?” she said as she walked out of the room, and out of my life forever… or so I thought. Although not even three days later I was back in the ER, waiting in the same room, and the same beautiful girl came in, “Whoa, dajavo “ I smiled when I saw her, “Let me guess, couldn’t stay away from the dance floor?”
“Something like that” I smiled as she helped me into the wheelchair, “This is nice”
“What is nice?”
“You taking care of me like this, I could get used to this”
She smiled as she rolled me away, “Well Stomp, if you keep coming here breaking more limbs I don’t know what I’m going to do”
I laughed, “I’m a bit of a klutz”
“Really? I had no idea,” she said sarcastically
“Oh come on like you’ve never broken anything?”
“No you’re right I broke my leg when I was five”
“See”
“When I was five” she repeated, “How old are you?”
“22”
“Yeah...” she smiled
“So how about you let me take you out?”
“I told you I don’t date patients”
“I’m not really your patient, I’ll be out in a little while”
“Then I don’t date cripples,” she laughed slightly when she saw the expression on my face, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea”
“No idea I have ever had is not a good idea”
“Oh… ok” she smiled
“Please just one date. Give me a chance. We’ll get dinner and see where it goes, if you hate me I’ll take you home right after, worst thing that could happen is you get a free meal out of it. Please?”
She looked at me, like she was contemplating in her head whether I’m worth it or not. She took a deep breath, “Fine” she said as she scribbled her number on a piece of paper, “Call me tonight, I get out at 6”
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading and leaving awesome feedback! Let me know what you think :)
I remember our first date. I was so nervous because I knew I shouldn’t go out with him. I knew that he was the perfect guy for me from the first time I had a conversation with him, but I was afraid to actually do something about it. It took a lot for me to even agree to go out with him, he says I was playing hard to get, but the truth was after seeing him only two times I was already on my way to being in love with him and I knew that spending time with him out of my work environment would push me over the edge. And I was afraid of that, I’ll admit it, I was young, I just finished college and my main focus was on work, getting enough money to pay off all my loans, and trying to just make it on my own. I knew that I didn’t have enough time to have a boyfriend, or to even date, and I was fine with that. Besides, I had been hurt in the past and wasn’t really ready to get my heart broken again. Especially with Justin’s job, I knew life could not be the same once I started dating him, and I knew that I would not just date him once or twice, I knew that this was the real thing from the second I laid eyes on him. I’ll admit the first time I saw him I felt like I was 12 again, like a little teenybopper, I for once, understood the reason all those girls were crazy about him. But because of that, I knew things would not be like any other normal relationship. I knew that life would be hard; he’d be away on tour a lot, he’d be surrounded by beautiful people all the time, he’d have millions of girls after him. Although I thought I knew what I was getting into, there was no way that I could even be close to the craziness that occurred. Although I will say that Justin was wonderful with me the whole time, he was honest with me from the beginning, explaining everything to me, and warning me about how hard it would be. It didn’t matter though; I was in love… we were in love. And it all happened so fast.
I was so different when I was around him. I had always been so professional, always went to work on time, never called out sick. But after that first date we were pretty much inseparable. Because Justin broke his foot, he had a month off, the first month we were together. It was great, but we were so spoiled because we spent every day together. I’d work and then go to his house, or I’d call out, which I did way too often, I’m surprised they didn’t fire me.
Once his foot was better he had to start touring again. It was horrible because from the first day we started dating we had spent every day together. But now, he was going to be away for 3 months… the whole summer. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to make it, I didn’t even remember what my life was like without him, at that point he was my life, we did everything together, what could I do without him there? I didn’t think we could make it, and we didn’t. We talked everyday on the phone for hours, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a week before Justin sent me tickets and I was on my way to some weird city in New Mexico, leaving behind my job, giving them no more than an hour notice that I would be gone for who knows how long, probably the whole summer… although I never came back.
I stepped off the plane and saw him standing by the terminal with a baseball cap on his head and a single red rose in his hand. I ran over to him and fell in his arms, “Oh god Stomp, I missed you so much”
“I missed you too,” he said with a smile and then chuckled slightly, “You do realize that we have not been apart for four days”
“I know” I laughed as he grabbed my backpack in one hand and my hand in the other, “That’s kinda pathetic”
“Nah, it’s cool” he smiled as he kissed my forehead
“Hi” I smiled as I saw his security guard, Lonnie walk in front of us, “Thanks a lot for coming to get me”
“Of course don’t worry about it, it’s good to see you again sweetie”
“You too, you know the real reason I’m here is you”
“Shh” he laughed slightly, “Justin’s right there, don’t say that in front of him he’s going to get mad”
“Oh you can take him” I smiled as Justin laughed sarcastically and wrapped his arm around me. That was like, as good as it gets, or at least that’s what I thought at that time. It did get better, much better, like our wedding day, the honeymoon, the day I found out I was pregnant with Hailey, the day she was born, the day Jacob was born... As we walked out of the airport I noticed people staring, which I was a little used to back in Florida, but it was never this big. When we got to the hotel though, that’s what was the craziest. I’d never experienced anything like that before in my life. It was weird… kinda scary, and there weren’t even that many people there, maybe like 20, I mean now, there’s like hundreds of them every time we go to a hotel, how they know I have no idea. Plus, now the kids know me too, so they actually care about me, which is weird, and honestly kind of annoying, especially when it’s late and I’ve been carrying my two children around all day, and they’re crabby and all any of us want to do is go to bed.
Ok, so back to the story. I remember stepping foot inside that hotel room for the first time and I couldn’t even move. I felt like it was a dream, like I was in a fairy tale or something, it couldn’t be real. Justin just laughed at me, but I didn’t even hear him, I was too infatuated with the room, “It’s just a room”
“Just a room? It’s bigger than my house growing up”
He looked around and then laughed, “Mine too”
“Are they all like this?” he nodded his head and I smiled, “Do you realize that I’ve never even seen one of your shows?”
“I’ve only had two” he smiled as he lay on the bed and I lay down next to him, “You’ll see it tomorrow”
“I can’t wait” I smiled, “How’s your foot”
“Fine, are you going to get fired?”
“I hope not,” I laughed, even though it’s not funny. Like honestly, I just walked out of my job, the job I have went to school for, worked hard to get, and I just walked out on it… I would never do that… but I did.
After awhile we were kissing, and even though it was six years ago I remember it like it was yesterday. He was laying on top of me, kissing me passionately, he moved to my neck, and then pulled away and looked right into my eyes, “You know I love you right?” And even though we had just met a couple months before and he had never actually said those words, I knew it... I knew it from the start, I knew he loved me by the things he did, not just the words he said. I nodded my head and he smiled, “Ok” he laughed slightly and then went back to kissing my neck
“And you know I love you too right?”
“Oh I know” he smiled
“Good” I laughed
As I sat on my private jet on my way back to some city in the Midwest I thought about how great that weekend was, I needed that. It’s really sad that I never get to see my family, I miss them so much. And I can’t even begin to explain how I felt when my own son didn’t recognize me, he was afraid of me… it felt like shit. That right there is the biggest sign that I need to be home more, or they need to come out. Kim hates bringing them out on tour because it’s so much work and I’m so busy and the crazy fans almost literally attack her and them. I understand, but I can’t just leave and cancel shows all the time, so sometimes it’s the only option.
We had a fun weekend, just hanging out around the house, doing the whole family thing; it’s been a while since we have. We went in the pool, played more Spiderman than any human should be allowed to in a 2 day span, went to the zoo, watched movies, it was great. I never really even realized how much I had missed spending time with the family until I was actually there doing it.
I have to do something to get some time off or something, I’m missing my children growing up. And, not to mention the problems Kimberly and I have been having. I don’t know what’s going on with that, things used to be so easy. Love used to be enough, but I don’t know, it seems like it isn’t anymore. Every time we talk on the phone it seems like we’re arguing, or talking about something else, it’s never us. We haven’t had alone time since Hailey was born, and I understand that once you have kids that alone time pretty much disappears but this is a little crazy. I guess it’s just the fact that we don’t spend too much time together in general.
There’s not too much I can do about that though. This is my job, it’s my life, I can’t just stop… and I wouldn’t want to even if I could. This is my life. I don’t know anything different. And I’ve been honest with Kimberly since the beginning, since our first date I told her what she’d be getting into if she went out with me, although I was pretty much begging her to look past it- and she did. Thank God.
I stepped off the jet to be greeted by Lonnie, “Have a nice weekend?”
“Yeah, great” I said as I handed him my bag and followed him to the limo
“You’re in some deep shit there son,” he said with a half smile covering his face
“Yeah, no shit” I said as I sat down in the limo, ignoring the damn fans that were out there waiting. It’s so damn annoying I can’t even get into a damn car without hearing their screaming,
As soon as I walked into the venue my cell phone rang, “Hey babe”
“Did you just get in?”
“Yeah”
“How is it?”
“Pretty nice, I guess… the usual”
“We miss you already, Jacob’s been looking for you all day”
I laughed slightly, that’s my boy, “I miss you guys too”
There were a few seconds of silence before she spoke again, “So Halloween is next week… you’re not going to be able to see them all dressed up”
I took a deep breath, “Why do you do this?”
“Do what?”
“This, bring up all this shit that I can’t help”
“You can help it”
“Fuck Kimberly if I could help it don’t you think I’d be home with my family?”
“I don’t know sometimes” she spoke softly… but I heard it loud and clear
“Don’t give me that shit Kimberly if I could be home I would be” I started to yell and once again her calm voice took over
“And you can’t… why?”
“Because I have this fucking job Kimberly. Welcome to reality where I have to work, I have to do this Kim, it’s not like I’m just doing it to get away”
“You don’t have to do anything”
“So you want me to just stop doing what I love to do?”
“Of course not” she paused, “I just think if that was me, I’d find a way to be with my family for more than a weekend a month”
“Why do you always play that card?”
“And what other card would you like me to play Justin? All I’m playing is the reality card”
“Some warped out reality card is what you’re playing. You fucking act like I haven’t warned you about my life from the start. I was completely honest with you from the beginning Kimberly, you knew exactly what you were getting into”
“OK there’s no need to yell” I hate that she has this calm soothing voice that just makes you feel like an ass because you’re the only one screaming, “And there is no way a warning could ever be sufficient enough for what I was getting into”
“And what the fuck does that mean?”
“Nothing… it just means that Halloween is next week and you’re not going to be able to see the kids all dressed up” she paused, “But I’ll send you pictures”
“Why don’t you come out here? Bring them up for the week?”
“And they’ll go trick or treating around the hotel?”
“We’ll take them out somewhere, we’ll find a neighborhood”
“We’re just going to take our children trick or treating in some neighborhood? That’s safe”
“What the fuck Kim? I will find a fucking safe neighborhood”
“It’s not fair for them to live in a hotel room”
“For a week Kimberly, a fucking week. They’ll have fun, it’ll be like they’re on vacation… please?”
“’Are you going to like spend time with us or is it going to be me and our two children wondering around a city we’ve never been to looking for something to do?”
“I will cancel all the interviews and shit I have for the week, we’ll have the days to do whatever, all I’ll do is the shows at night” I paused and so did she, she’s thinking about if it’s worth it. I know she hates living out of a suitcase but come on; I need to be able to see my children too.
“Fine, get the tickets” she said after a few more moments of silence.
“Alright, I will. I’ll call you later” I said as I walked towards the stage for sound check
“Bye, love you”
“Yeah you too, bye”
Author's Notes:
Thanks so much for reading and the feedback! :)
Getting a two year old and a four-year-old ready for anything is a mission in itself. Getting them ready for a week on the road is an impossible mission, one that should not ever be done by any one person. I hate taking them on tour because it’s so hectic. Things are crazy, we go from a bus to a hotel room to a venue, it’s not exactly my idea of fun. Especially with Hailey and Jacob, they get so cranky… which I can’t really blame them for, we all get cranky. And then there are always the fans, which I hate. I know it’s horrible to say I hate them because they are what makes my husbands job possible, and without them I would not only have never met him but if I did we’d be living in a small apartment instead of the huge mansion we live in today. But seriously, the fans are crazy. They are so loud and annoying and will go to any lengths just to catch a glimpse of Justin, not to mention the things they do to get even closer. And they go through a hell of a lot to catch a glimpse of me too, and our children, forget it, they all want a picture of cute little Jacob and Hailey who they claim look exactly like their father. I don’t care if they bother Justin, it’s his job, he knew what he was getting into and he’s used to it. Even when they bother me I don’t mind as much, sure I get annoyed but when they start with the kids forget it, someone’s gonna have some shit to pay if they place one finger on either of my children. When Jacob was first born a camera man came right up to the carriage and took a picture of him, the flash scared him half to death, not to mention waking up to see a scary, scruffy guy with a camera in his face.
I hate going on tour because we never even get to see Justin. He’s always busy doing something; interviews, meet n greets, radio stuff, signing autographs, performing… it’s like we see each other in the 10 minutes he has between each which usually consists of a limo ride between two buildings where he’s on the phone talking to a manager or doing another interview. Sure we see each other after he goes on, but by that point we’re both so tired… him from doing everything me from trying to keep the kids occupied… that we just want to go to sleep. And that’s all we do is sleep. Sure it feels good to be able to sleep next to him, in his arms, but I sometimes wonder if it’s really worth all the work.
Justin gets mad that I never want to bring the kids on tour, which I understand because he wants to see his children but he doesn’t understand all the work that goes into it. I sat down on the airplane watching Hailey coloring next to me and Jacob sleeping on my lap. So far so good.
“Mommy, how come the sky’s all white?”
“Because of the clouds sweetie, we’re in the clouds”
“Oh… are we gonna see Daddy soon?”
“Yeah sweetie, as soon as we get off the plane” I said as the flight attendant came to tell us they were preparing for landing, “Now sit up sweetie, we’re almost there” I said as I grabbed a pack of gum from the seat pocket in front of me and handed her a piece, “Remember you just chew this, no swallowing”
Once the plane landed, I stood up trying desperately to get all of our things together so the rest of the plane would not have to wait forever for us to get off since first class does get off first. That was nearly impossible, a hint for anyone traveling alone with children… Don’t.
They were both crying hysterically because their ears were popped, they couldn’t hear anything, and neither could I, except of course their loud screams, “I’m so sorry” I said to the flight attendant, she just smiled and told me it wasn’t a problem but that’s just because she’s a flight attendant and their jobs are to be happy… always. I could tell the people from coach getting restless so I just grabbed my bag quickly, picked up Jacob in my arms and grabbed onto Hailey’s hand with the other, “Alright come on guys we’re gonna go see daddy” Hailey stopped crying for a second, giving me a moment of rest, as I looked around frantically for a bathroom. We waited for the handicapped bathroom to open up so we could all fit inside and then made our way through the terminal in search of Justin. Instead of seeing his smiling face when we stepped off the shuttle I saw Lonnie’s… which somehow does not surprise me. I let out a deep breath as I dropped my bags in front of him, looking at him directly with my head tilted to the side.
He laughed slightly and picked up my crying daughter, “Hailey bear what’s the matter?”
“My ears go pop,” she said between sobs as she pointed to her ears
“Oh no not your ears” he smiled as he tickled her tummy, “Go like this” he said as he began moving his jaw around so her ears would be alright, “And what’s the matter with you Jake the Snake?” he asked as he grabbed Jacob from my arms. He’s so good with the kids, even though he is a big scary man that could crush your neck with two fingers, he’s really just a big teddy bear deep down inside. Jacob stopped crying when he saw Lonnie, which is really quite sad because he started crying when he saw Justin, his own father… and Lonnie’s about 5 times as big as Justin. Which just goes to show that he doesn’t spend enough time with his father, “How are you doing Kimberly?” he asked as he pulled me into a hug
“Wonderful” I said sarcastically
“You’re a saint for all this Kim, you know that”
“Yeah, try telling that to my husband”
“I have… many times” he smiled as he grabbed onto Hailey’s hand and I picked up Jacob.
“Where is he, by the way?”
“Interview”
“Of course” I said under my breath but he heard me and laughed
“He’s doing what he can” I highly doubt that.
We made our way to the venue and managed to catch Justin right before he went onstage. The kids ran up to him, “You guys made it I was getting worried” he smiled as he picked them each up and kissed their foreheads,
“You gotta go sit down though ok? Daddy’s gotta go onstage, cheer me on ok sweetie? I want to hear you singing along with me” he gave me a smile before he continued on his way.
“Come on Hailey” I said as she ran back over to me and we walked out to the VIP area right as Justin was walking onstage.
Oh and guess who sat down right next to me… my favorite person ever… “Oh my God, Kim I didn’t know you were coming”
Oh god… please help me. Make her go away. “Hey, how are you?”
“Good, Lonnie told me you guys were here and I had to come running down to see you before I left. Oh my God, look at you Hailey you got so big” she said as she went to hug Hailey but Hailey just looked at her like she had 10 heads. That’s my girl, I was so proud of her at that very moment, “Oh” Leah laughed slightly, “A little shy?”
“Yeah and tired” I smiled; trying to hide the glow of pride I knew was covering my face. Maybe it’s because you’re a bitch and she can tell.
“I bet” she smiled, “Well I have to go before they leave me. We defiantly have to go shopping or something while you’re here”
“Oh yeah totally” over my dead body
“And if you ever want to go out with J or something just ask I’d be happy to watch the kids”
“Oh thanks” like I would ever leave my kids alone with her. Um… no.
“Shh… I can’t hear Daddy” Hailey said as she walked back over to me and sat down on my lap, separating Leah and I from any discussion we were having. Leah continued talking but I just nodded my head. She left a couple seconds later and I just watched my husband on stage. And that was the beginning of our so-called vacation.
What a show… there were definitely a lot of mistakes, but there always are. I walked off the stage and I wanted to just take a shower, I always feel so gross after a show. I made my way to the van taking me back to the hotel when I saw Hailey’s head sticking out the window and remembered they were here to visit me. “Daddy!” she screamed as I sat down quickly before the van took off
“Hailey, how’d you like the show baby girl?”
“Good” she smiled
I kissed Kimberly quickly on the lips, “He’s sleeping already?” I asked looking at Jacob fast asleep in her arms
“Already? It’s 11 o’clock”
“How was the flight?”
“Don’t even ask,” she said as she looked out of the window, not even looking at me. Someone is in a bad mood. I nodded my head as I too looked out the window; things are so different between us now. It used to be every time she’d come out on tour with me we wouldn’t be able to stop talking, or even keep our hands off each other. Not anymore. If I actually talk her into coming on tour it’s like we’re at each other’s throats the whole time. I don’t get it. I don’t get how things can change so drastically.
We got to the hotel and I looked out the window to see a bunch of kids waiting outside. We went to the back entrance and made our way up to the top floor suite. “Mommy look!” Hailey screamed as she ran to one of the bedrooms and started jumping on the bed
“I see Hailey, come on now get down” Kimberly said softly but Hailey just kept jumping, “Hailey, what did I just say? Get down you’re going to wake your brother”
“But I don’t wanna”
Kimberly took a deep breath as she changed Jacob into his pajamas careful not to wake him, “Listen to your mother” I said as I picked her up and she started to giggle, “Shh… time for bed” I laughed as she giggled and threw her onto the bed, “Bed time baby girl”
“I’m not tired”
“You’re not tired? WHAT? How… please Hailey, explain to me how you are not tired”
“I dunno,” she giggled
“You dunno?” I laughed as I threw her back on the bed, “Well let me tell you… you’re tired”
“No suh”
“Yessuh” I smiled as I grabbed her pajamas on the bed, “Come here come here…stop moving” I laughed as I helped her get changed
“Alright seriously Hailey, you’re waking up Jacob” I looked over at Kim’s serious face and stopped fooling around
“OK Hailey, come on now, its time for bed” I said sternly as Hailey lay down on the bed, “Goodnight sweetie”
“Goodnight daddy”
“Goodnight baby, get some sleep” Kimberly said before kissing her forehead, “I love you” We turned off the light and left our two children to sleep as we walked out of the room. Finally some alone time. I yawned loudly, “Shh you’re going to wake them”
“Sorry” I said softly as I fell onto the bed in the master bedroom, “You look tired”
“A little”
Whoa this is some dry conversation if I’ve ever seen any, “I think I broke my foot again” she laughed and that’s all I wanted. Thank God I got a smile, I didn’t think I could make it the next week if there would be no smile and all that dry conversation, “I’m serious”
“I’m sure you are”
“I’m in pain Kimberly, it’s not funny”
“Yes it is,” she laughed as she sat down on the bed next to me, “Which foot Stomp?”
“Left”
“I am not taking off your stinky shoe after you’ve been on stage. You need to take a shower first, and then we’ll talk” I laughed and wrapped my sweaty arms around her, “Ew, I’m serious come on Justin. Go take a shower” she added with a chuckle.
“Come with me” she smiled and hid her head in a pillow, “Please?”
“I’m tired”
“A shower will wake you up” it’s worth a try
“I already took a shower”
“So”
“So it’s not good to wash your hair that much”
What? “Then don’t wash your hair”
She laughed, “Just go take a shower”
“Come take a shower with me” I ordered, or tried to. I stuck my finger in her face but couldn’t make it through without laughing, “Please Kimberly, don’t make me beg” she shook her head, “Why not?”
“I’m tired”
“Alright, here’s the plan” I said as I stood up, “I’m going to go take a power shower, you’re going to take a power nap. We will both be done in 20 minutes and we will meet up in this here bed” She laughed and shook her head, “Why not?”
“Because if I fall asleep I’m not going to be up in 20 minutes”
I took a deep breath and she laughed, “Then let’s just do it now”
“You’re all sweaty”
“What the fuck? I’m going to get all sweaty anyway”
She laughed, “That’s a different kind of sweaty”
“Sweat is sweat Kimberly” I laughed, she’s just making excuses
“No it’s not, there’s a big difference and you know it, don’t play dumb” she paused and giggled, “Just go take a shower I’ll be up”
“I’m going to… and if you’re asleep Kimberly, I swear to god…”
“Hurry up or I’m going to fall asleep”
“If you do… I swear”
She giggled and threw a pillow at me, “Go Stomp”
I laughed as I took off my shirt and walked towards the bathroom before stopping and turning around, “You’re sure you don’t want to join me?” I tilted my head to the side trying to make the sexiest face I could
“Positive, goodbye” she smiled
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading!
The “vacation” or what I like to call hell week, actually started off pretty well. But of course it didn’t last that long, I don’t know why I’m surprised, it always happens this way… he always manages to disappoint me. The first few days were wonderful, Justin managed to get out of the interviews, and he even had a couple full days off that we spent around the different cities doing tourist things. But of course that didn’t last long. Before we knew it we were spending the whole day following him around in interviews and such. The kids were restless, bored out of their mind, trying to terrorize the poor radio stations and TV shows.
We spent the last few days with Lonnie; he took us around to go to all the tourist attractions so I wouldn’t be alone with the kids all day. It really is impossible to take 2 children around in a strange city by yourself.
Everything was so insane, it was a vacation from hell… the exact reason why I hate going on tour with him. The last few days we didn’t even spend together. Justin left before we even woke up, and we were sleeping before he even got back to the hotel, or if I weren’t sleeping I would be pretending I was, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.
I know it’s stupid, I’m acting like I’m still in high school, but we’ve had the same conversation so many times I don’t think another time will make the difference. I hate to be upset about it but the truth is that I just can’t stand it sometimes. I hate the way he just gets so involved in his “other” life, the life of sold out concerts and limo rides and late night parties and millions of people screaming his name, that he forget about his real life… the life as Justin… not Justin Timberlake. The life he has with a wife, a daughter, a son, a family… the life where he’s not a superstar but he’s just a normal person… a husband… a father… a lawnmower… a car washer… a handyman. Sometimes I wonder which life he really spends the most time in, well I know it seems like he spends the most time in the superstar life, but sometimes I wonder which life he would rather spend the most time in.
He really has changed a lot since the day I met him… so much. It never used to be about him… and now it seems like that’s all it ever is. Not to say it should never be about him, but the focus he puts on himself lately is just overwhelming. It’s like that song… you’re so vain. It’s like all he cares about is the way he looks, always checking himself in the mirror, and always mentioning how this person thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread and this person wants to do a song with him and this fan paid this much to get into a meet n greet and how this fan paid this much for his dirty sock on ebay. It’s all about him. It’s like he doesn’t even care about our relationship anymore, or his family. He hardly ever calls and when he does it seems like it’s just to brag about something. Half the time he doesn’t even ask about the kids.
Things just are not the way they always were. It makes me wonder how it could happen. Was it something I did wrong? How can someone hardly be able to keep their hands off each other one minute and then the next they don’t even call when they’re on the opposite side of the planet? I sometimes wonder if we maybe rushed into things. I mean we were together for a couple months before we pretty much moved in together. And it wasn’t even a few months later that we got married.
I remember we were sitting in the hotel in Vegas, eating pizza from the box, watching the Lakers game when he turned it off mid third period. Now that’s serious for any guy to turn off a Lakers game but especially Justin. It’s like his childhood dream to be on the Lakers, but since that’s not going to happen he watches every game religiously.
“Something wrong?” I asked and he shook his head, “Ok” I laughed as I grabbed another piece of pizza, “So why’d you turn off the game?”
He was silent for a couple seconds, like he was really thinking, “You know what I love about you?” he asked as he pulled me onto his lap, “I love that I can watch the game with you and you don’t try to steal the remote or make me watch some Sex and the City rerun. I love that you’re perfectly happy with spending the night in this hotel room, eating pizza from the box, drinking beer from the can, chips from the bag and this nasty ass dip from the Quick E Mart”
“Well I love that these little things amuse you”
“I’m serious Kimberly, it’s like you don’t even care about the fact that I have millions of dollars… all you care about is me… as a person not a singer”
“Wait hold up, you have millions of dollars?”
He laughed before kissing me gently, “And I love that crazy sense of humor, I love the way your voice stays so calm no matter what, the way you have that sarcastic tone in your voice, the way you cringe anytime I mention the word feet”
“Ew come on” I laughed, I know I cringed too
“I love you so damn much”
“I love you too”
“Marry me”
“What?”
“Be my wife”
“I think you’ve had one too many beers”
“Seriously Kimberly, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my life.
This is like the love you read about in books. We’re going to get married some day, you know we are. I knew the day I met you you were going to be my wife, so what the hell does it matter if we drag it out a couple years or just go down the street and do it now”
“That’s crazy”
“Sure it’s crazy, we’re crazy” he laughed and flashed that smile that I just can’t resist, “Kimberly let’s just do it. Let’s go get married”
“Alright let’s do it”
“Really?”
“You’re sure about this?” I asked him, I don’t even know why; there was no doubt in my mind about how positive I was, and I was sure he was the same way.
“Absolutely positive” he smiled as he grabbed my hand
An hour later we were married, 24 hours later there were pictures of us all over the news. It made the headlines, I swear to you it was even on CNN. Everyone making their guesses about why he would do something so stupid… saying I was pregnant, we were drunk… but no body even mentioned the real reason… love. All the media made guesses about how long it would take before we would get a divorce, they brought in so called experts for everything. People looking at everything we do, the way we hold hands says that we’re really in love, or the way he looks at me shows that he wants to protect me. It was all bullshit, but we did use that to our advantage to convince our parents that the marriage was not a result of a drunken night in Vegas.
But now, who knows anymore. It seems like those days of love are long gone. Two children later you would think the love would be even stronger but I find myself spending more time alone in bed than I do with him.
I took a deep breath as I reached over to turn the alarm clock off without even opening my eyes. I moved my arm around Kimberly but opened my eyes when I noticed she wasn’t there, “Kim” I got up and looked in the other room for the kids… what the hell? I was halfway through calling her cell phone when I realized she left last night.
A few weeks passed when I finally had some time off. Even though it was only a couple days, actually not even, I still had a lot of stuff to do but at least I was home. I opened the door and dropped my bags, expecting the kids, or at least Hailey to come running to the door, but that didn’t happen. “Is anyone here?” I called as I walked through the empty house. What the hell? I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV… I wonder where everyone is.
A few hours later I heard the door open, “Come on Hailey, you ready for lunch? Jacob’s ready for lunch, aren’t you sweetie” I heard her laugh and then saw Hailey out of the corner of my eye.
She saw me and I saw her face light up, “Daddy!” she screamed as she came running into the room
“Hey baby girl”
“I miss you lots,” she said as she jumped onto my lap
“I missed you too baby” I said as I kissed her forehead and picked her up and walked into the kitchen. Kimberly didn’t even look up at me, she just continued getting the bread out to make grilled cheese, “Jake, where’s my Jake?” he looked up at me from the counter and held his arms out,
“Daddy” oh shit he remembers me… impressive. I grabbed him in my arms and talked to him for a while.
“All right come on Jacob it’s ready” Kimberly said as she placed the plate on the table.
“Where were you guys?” I asked as I placed my arms around her
“Store” she said as she walked away from me and sat down next to Jacob
“What’s wrong?” she ignored me and cut up Jacob’s sandwich. Ok. I stood up and made myself a sandwich… I have a feeling this isn’t going to be the great vacation I had hoped.
“Mommy can we watch Sponge Bob yet?”
“Finish your lunch first” she said as she squirted some ketchup on her plate. I just watched her carefully, not saying anything to anyone. We all sat in silence, except for Hailey humming to herself as she ate her sandwich.
After everyone finished lunch Hailey and Jacob went into the living room to watch TV and Kimberly started to clean up in the kitchen. I went into the bedroom and started to unpack and reached for the phone
“Hey Trace, what’s up?”
“Hey man, you back?”
“Yeah for a little… look, are you busy?”
“Nah”
“You wanna watch the kids for a little, I need to talk to Kimberly”
“Yeah man, everything alright?”
“Yeah I guess, I don’t know”
“Alright I’ll be over in a little while” he hung up the phone and I went back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Hailey quickly got up and sat on my lap and soon the doorbell rang.
“Hey Trace, how are you?” I heard Kimberly ask and I stood up and walked towards the door
“Good, how are you?”
“Good good… it’s good to see you” I saw her smile and then she looked over at me and the smile slipped off her face… I don’t know what that’s all about. She walked back into the kitchen
“You see what I’m talking about?” I asked Trace softly, he nodded his head, and we followed her into the kitchen
“Do you want a drink or anything Trace?”
“No, no I’m straight”
“Trace is going to watch the kids for a little bit”
“Why?”
“So we can go out or something”
“I don’t want to go out”
“I can take them out if you want” Trace said witnessing the whole ordeal
“It’s not that” she said and then faked a smile, “Um, can I talk to you for a second Justin?”
I followed her into the bedroom, “What’s going on?”
“You can’t just come home after not being here for months and expect everyone to just drop everything they’re doing to do whatever you want to do”
“I don’t expect…”
She cut me off, “Just because you’re on vacation does not mean the rest of the world is on vacation”
“I don’t think that”
“Well you’re sure as hell acting like that. Like you just mosey in here after not being home for months and you get all upset because we’re not home like waiting for your arrival with a welcome back cake and a sign because I had to go out and get fucking bread to make grilled cheese sandwiches”
“Ok you have stuff to do, I get it. What do you have to do today?”
She looked at me and rolled her eyes, “Jacob has a doctor’s appointment in an hour, Hailey has a birthday party tonight and we haven’t gotten a present or an outfit and we have to go to that too”
“Ok, then we’ll go to the party. It’s not that big of a deal”
She shook her head as she walked towards the door, “Just don’t call your friends and have them come over to watch the kids after you haven’t seen them in weeks. You can’t just send them off whenever you want to talk to me for a minute, they want to spend time with you, they deserve to spend time with their father”
What the fuck? “I just thought we could talk for a couple minutes because obviously we need to talk”
“Obviously the only time you want to talk is when you’re here”
Ah. I just hate him so much sometimes. I remember when everything used to be so easy. It wasn’t a chore to call me. But it’s not like that anymore. After our little discussion in the bedroom I walked out… he wasn’t done talking but I didn’t care. I’m not going to start having this discussion when I know I’m going to get upset and I have things to do today.
I walked downstairs and grabbed Jacob in my arms and went right back upstairs to his room to get him changed, “What’s da matta Mommy?”
Oh my god… am I really actually that transparent that my 2-year-old son can see how upset I am? “Oh nothing sweetie”
He stood up on the bed and wiped under my eyes, “No cry”
“I’m not sweetie,” I laughed slightly as I grabbed his clothes, “Come on now we have to get you ready” I got him changed quickly and we went back to the living room. Justin was getting Hailey ready and cleaning up the kitchen, I didn’t look at him, just out of the corner of my eye. I know I’m being childish but I don’t care. I’ve had enough I’m not going to just act like everything’s wonderful when we both know it’s not.
“Come on Hay you ready?” I asked as I grabbed their coats and stood by the door. I helped them each put on their coats and then we walked to the car in silence, and Justin sat down right next to me in the passenger’s side of my car. Why is he coming? “You’re coming?” he nodded his head, “Why?”
“I’m not allowed to go out with my family?” he’s being an ass. He’s doing this on purpose, he doesn’t want to come but he knows I don’t want him to come either.
I shook my head and he looked out the window, “We’re just going to the doctor, it doesn’t have to be such a family outing to go to the doctors for a check up”
“Well if the whole family is going I would like to go too. I am part of this family am I not?” he’s being such an ass. I hate him so much sometimes.
“You’re acting really childish right now”
“I’m acting childish?” he said raising his voice. I hate how he always raises his voice over such stupid things, it’s like the only way he can get his point across is by yelling
“Daddy how come you’re yelling at Mommy?” Hailey asked from the backseat
“I’m not”
“Yeah huh”
“No suh” he began arguing with a 4 year old. How old is he again?
“Yeah huh”
“Ok enough… both of you” I said as I rolled my eyes and we drove the rest of the way to the doctors in silence. In fact, we pretty much spent the rest of the day in silence. Well at least Justin and I didn’t talk. When we were at the doctors I went in with Jacob and he waited outside with Hailey. We went to the mall to find a present for Hailey's friend, this time I went around looking with Hailey and Justin and Jacob went looking for some things of their own. Even at the party we were both sitting at opposite ends, of course we had to act like everything was wonderful between us in front of everyone.
We came back home and put the kids to bed. Great. That means we’re going to have to spend the rest of the night just the two of us… with no distractions. To any normal married couple that’d be wonderful but… well we’re not very normal right now. I got changed and laid down on the bed, “So you have to go get your dress tomorrow?”
“I’m not going”
“What?”
“I’m not going,” I repeated slowly so he could understand this time
“What do you mean you’re not going?”
“How hard is that to comprehend?”
“You have to go”
“Oh I have to? Is that an order?”
“Come on Kimberly, you have to go. It’s the fucking Kids Choice Awards, it’s a family show, I have to go with my fucking family” here he goes again with the raising of the voice
“Then go with your ‘fucking’ family”
“You are my fucking family”
“Take your mother”
“Kimberly will you please come with me?”
“No”
“Why the fuck not?” he screamed
“Because I don’t want to”
“Well neither do I”
“Then don’t go”
“I have to”
“Ok”
“This is fucking ridicules, are you really not going to go because you don’t want to?”
“Shut up. You’re going to wake the kids”
“Ok we need to fucking talk about this shit or something. I don’t know what the fuck is going on in your little warped out head right now but it is seriously fucked up and you need to just tell me why the hell you’re acting like this”
“It’s always me isn’t it?”
“Oh don’t give me that shit Kimberly you’re the one who’s acted like a fucking asshole since the second I walked through the damn door” humm… I wonder why.
“Maybe you should just sleep downstairs tonight”
“Me? Are you fucking kidding me, this is my fucking house”
“Fine then I’ll sleep downstairs,” I said as I stood up and walked to the door. And why the hell does he have to swear every other word? I swear he thinks the only way to get his point across is by yelling and swearing. Maybe if he acted like a normal adult it’d be easier to talk the problems out.
“Wait Kim come on,” he said as he grabbed onto my arm and pulled me into a tight hug, why is he doing this? “Kimberly please, talk to me”
I looked up at him, and made the mistake of looking into his icy blue eyes, and that was it. I felt my knees go week and I fell into him as I started bawling, “You make me so mad sometimes”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he rubbed my back and I, for the first time in a long time, felt safe in his arms
“I just… I know how much I love you, and I love you so much. But you just… you just make me wonder sometimes if you love me the same. Sometimes I wonder if you love me the same way that you once did, or if you’re just over it, because sometimes you act like you’re just over it”
“Kimberly come on, you know I love you even more than I did the day I married you”
“I don’t know that… how would I know that?” he looked at me for a couple seconds before kissing me passionately
“Baby I love you so much and I’m never going to stop loving you. I love you more today then I loved you yesterday but not as much as I’m going to love you tomorrow” aww… I’m going to ignore the fact that he stole that from that song, it was cute.
We went to bed right after that, but don’t think that means everything’s fine because it’s not. I went to the stupid awards show with him, we stood for what seemed like hours on the red carpet as people took pictures of us, Justin holding onto Hailey’s hand and Jacob in my arms. On TV the next night and in all the magazines they referred to us as the perfect little family. If only they knew.
It seems like I’m always on a plane, all alone, on my way to some other random city to do the same thing everyday. I was on my way to the UK to spend a couple months, and it was nonstop, there was no way I could get away from it at all. I had shit pretty much every day. Kim might be able to come but probably not. To get all that shit down with the kids traveling to a different country is a lot of work. Plus she has a lot to do, Hailey’s starting school soon.
I got to the venue the night of the first show to be greeted by Leah, “hey babe, I missed you,” she said giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek
“Yeah, I missed you too. Have a good vacation?”
“Yeah if you can call it that,” she laughed, “Well look J, I got some crazy shit for tonight, I mean I know we’re going to be on the bus but dude, you gotta come on mine or something. I got the goods” Yes she definitely is a 22 year old. I used to be like that. I kinda miss those days actually.
A couple weeks passed when Lonnie handed me a British tabloid with Leah and I on the cover at some club. Shit this could be trouble. I took a deep breath, like it would be my last one, and picked up the phone to call Kimberly, “Hey babe”
“Hey”
“Look, I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but there’s this British tabloid with…”
“I know”
“Well I just want you to know that it’s just two people going out to clubs, nothing happened”
“You are a 28 year old, married man with 2 children. You’re not supposed to be just hitting the clubs Justin. It’s time to get over it”
“Come on Kimberly, you know how hectic things are over here, I just need to let out some steam while I’m here”
“But why with her? You know how much I don’t like her”
“You don’t know her Kim, if you would get to know her I really think…”
“Oh please Justin don’t start that”
“I’m not starting anything. All I’m saying is I’m hanging out with someone that’s on tour with me”
“But why does it have to be her?”
“I’m on tour Kimberly there aren’t too many people for me to hang out with here”
“Oh yeah, couldn’t be one of the other hundred people that work for you”
“Come on Kim”
“Don’t even act like that Justin. You know damn well that if I was out ‘just clubbing’ with a beautiful 22 year old you’d be screaming at me all the way from wherever the hell you are. Do you remember how mad you got when I went to that conference with Bill?”
“That’s different” Bill… uh that hoe, “Bill’s a hoe” I added with a chuckle although it’s not really a joke. He is… and he was totally after Kim
“Hmm” she paused… inferring that Leah is a hoe
“Kim, come on”
“Right” she paused, “I gotta go”
“Yeah me too, love you”
“Yeah you too” she paused, “Have fun with Leah” she said before hanging up the phone… why does she do this? As soon as I heard the phone click the door opened almost as if on cue.
“Yo yo” Leah smiled as she sat down on the couch next to me, “Did you see we’re like practically engaged?” she asked as she threw the tabloid at me… yet another copy to add to my collection.
“Yeah, I see” I smiled as I threw it on the ground. She pulled her black hair behind her ear and moved closer to me
“So, we still on for tonight?” Tonight?
Oh yeah, shit… she’s planning this party thing that I’m supposed to go to. But, of course, Kimberly would not approve of that… which is just shit, “Yeah, yeah…. Of course”
Months passed and then it happened. Ok let me start off my explaining some of the facts. I am a man. A man that has been on tour for the past 2 months without any female companion of any sort. That’s hard for any guy, but I’ve been through this before, I’ve gone months and it’s hard man. I guess it was just all that building up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Plus the fact that I had this beautiful girl by my side everyday. I’m not making any excuses, I know it’s wrong but I just can’t control myself. It started off as just an innocent kiss but let’s not lie there was a lot of sexual tension between the two of us from the beginning. I know it’s wrong and the last thing I want to do is hurt Kimberly, but when I’m with Leah it’s like none of that matters.
We were in my room; just kissing… thank god it was nothing more when he walked in. Lonnie walked in and saw us, and I swear to god I felt like a little kid when my mother caught me drawing on the wall with a crayon. The look on his face is one I’m sure will haunt me forever, “Time to go” he said softly and walked out of the room.
“Shit” I said as the door shut and I stood up and straightened out my clothes. We’re screwed… it’s over now. I grabbed my key and headed for the door, “I’ll see you later” I walked out of my room and he was standing at the elevator, he wouldn’t even look at me. It was like I had personally betrayed him, like I disappointed him so much. And that killed me, he’s always been like a father figure and it was just like staying out past curfew and you’re father says he’s not mad… just disappointed, which was always ten times worst. “Just…” I began not even knowing why I should try to talk it out. I didn’t know what to say, or how to explain myself. It’s not like Kim and I have had this perfect relationship or anything, we’ve been having problems. “Just… be the security guard alright?”
He looked over at me and shook his head, “That’s all I am” and that hurt even more than anything else he could have possibly said at that point. He knows he’s not just a security guard, and why the hell did I ask him to be just the security guard? Oh yeah because I’m chicken shit that he’s going to go tell on me, which I know he won’t.
“Thanks” I said as we stood in the elevator, watching the numbers drop slowly
“You’re the one that’s going home next week and has to look her in the eye” he said before the door to the elevator opened and he walked out of the hotel and I followed him closely behind.
“All right come on Hailey time to clean up, Daddy’s coming home” I said as I helped her clean up the mess she had made. Her face lit up when I mentioned the word daddy, and she quickly helped me clean up, “You’re excited to see your father I take it?” I asked with a slight chuckle she nodded her head, “Me too”
I have decided to turn over a new leaf, its ridicules to fight over something neither one of us can control. Sure I wish he were spending more time at home, but I haven’t even been thinking about his career and how well he’s actually doing. It might not last forever, so he has to do what he can while he can. Let’s face it he’s not going to be able to be up there dancing every night for much longer. It’s stupid that we both fight so much when we’re together and then he leaves, we need to take advantage of the time we do have together.
“Ok are we ready?” I asked as I helped each of the kids put on their jackets. We’re going to go to the airport to see him; I can’t even explain how excited I am. I guess these few months away have been good for us. I mean, usually we see each other a couple times a month while he’s on tour and this has been crazy. But I guess it’s good because it made me realize how much I couldn’t live without him in my life. Which is why I need to stop acting like such a bitch when he’s home and focus on the fact that he is home.
I checked myself in the rearview mirror before stepping out of the car. I took a deep breath as I helped the kids out of the car and waited patiently for his plane to land. When it did, Leah was the first one off… my favorite person in the whole wide world. She didn’t even say anything to me; she just walked past, which is a surprise. I guess she finally got the hint. Justin came off a couple seconds later and smiled when he saw us. He went right to the kids, and picked them both up in his arms, “I missed you kids so much”
When he put them down I fell into his arms, “Oh God J, I missed you so much”
“Yeah, you too” he said and then kissed me gently on the lips, “Are we ready to go?”
I nodded my head and held onto Hailey’s hand and Justin picked up Jacob. “Hey Lonnie” I said as I saw him walk out of the plane
“Hey sweetie” he said and gave me a hug. He looked over at Justin and gave him a strange look, “Have a good break, stay strong sweetie” I don’t know what that’s all about
“Ok” I said more like a question, it’s official I’m confused, why is everyone acting so weird? “What was that about?” I asked Justin once Lonnie walked away
“I dunno, you ready?” he asked as he put Jacob in the car seat before taking his seat on the driver’s side.
“I missed you so much. This multiple month crap is crazy”
“Yeah” he nodded his head
“Did you have fun in the UK?”
“Yeah”
“That’s good” something’s wrong, “You’re not very talkative”
“I’m just tired”
“Oh… well you should take a nap when we get home then. Rachel’s coming over later to take the kids for the night, so we’ll have some alone time” I said with a smile
“Cool. You guys want some White Castle?”
“I was going to make dinner,” I said and he looked over at me, turned the blinker off, and continued driving. I really wish someone would explain what’s going on.
Author's Notes:
Here we go.... Thanks for reading :)
Once Rachel picked up the kids, we were ready to start our night… just the two of us. It’s been awhile since we’ve been alone. But things were weird, something is definitely going on. I cooked dinner, chicken Parmesan, his favorite. I cooked the chicken and he just stood at the kitchen sink, washing the vegetables for the salad. Usually he would be right behind me, with his arms wrapped around me as I cooked… but not tonight. We were at opposite sides of the kitchen, hardly even talking. He’d usually have asked me at least a hundred times by now if we can skip the meal and just go straight to ‘dessert’. But once again, not tonight. We spent the night with a lot of one-sided conversation. He seemed to answer any question I had with one word. It’s like we’re on a first date and neither of us know what to say instead of the fact that we’ve been married for six years. I wish he would just tell me what’s going on.
When we finished eating we made our way up to the bedroom. I went to get changed into the Victoria Secret outfit I had bought for this occasion. When I walked out of the bathroom he was laying on the bed in his boxers. He looked over at me, but there wasn’t even a slight smile covering his face. “I missed you so much”
“I missed you too,” he said as he sat up on the bed and I sat down next to him. He kissed me gently as I fell down and he crawled on top of me and we continued to make love, if you could even call it that. It wasn’t making love it was having sex, not because either of us wanted to but because we felt like we should. Usually when we’re making love Justin is kissing me throughout the whole time, but not tonight. It’s like I had to be the one kissing him. I’ll admit when we first started dating it annoyed the hell out of me that he had to have his lips attached to some part of my body throughout the whole love making experience. But I quickly got used to it, it’s much more passionate that way, and now I wouldn’t have it any other way. But for some reason, the only time his lips were attached to my body at all were when I was kissing them. We’re usually so in tune, like we’re in each others minds the whole time, but tonight it was like I was making love with a total stranger.
We always look into each other eyes, right as we’re about to come. And that he did, which I was worried he wouldn’t and that right there would have been the end of it. I looked into his eyes but he wasn’t looking back at me. Well he was, physically he was looking back at me but mentally he wasn’t. He was looking into my eyes but not into my soul like he always does. Something’s going on. His mind was somewhere else. He’s thinking about someone else.
As I lay in bed with my arms around my wife I realized for the first time what exactly I was doing. Kim’s breathing heavily… she must be sleeping. I quietly snuck out of bed and went into the bathroom. I took a deep breath as I looked into the mirror. What the fuck am I doing? I splashed my face with cold water and clenched my hair in my fists. How am I going to do this? I took another deep breath and walked out of the bathroom and into reality. Kim was sitting up in bed with the sheet covering her naked body. I smiled slightly and lay down next to her. I pulled the covers over my body, “Aren’t you going to sleep?” I asked as I went to reach for the light but she stopped me.
She looked at me for a second, and then she looked down as she spoke softly, “What’s going on?”
“N… nothings going on Kim, it’s like 2 in the morning I’m tired, I’m ready for bed” I stuttered like a fool, which of course was proof that there is indeed something going on.
“Cut the shit Justin and tell me what’s going on”
I sat up and looked into her eyes. It’s like I had just stabbed her or something, her eyes didn’t have that glow they usually did. How the hell can I do this? I sat looking and my fingers and took a deep breath, “Kimberly I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved my entire life, and probably more than I will ever love anyone. And I always will love you, no matter what happens I will always love you. Know that, please remember that”
“What do you mean no matter what happens?” she cut me off
“Things have changed between us” I began and I had to look away from her because I knew I was breaking her heart the more I spoke, and it was killing me, “I… I just think” I paused because I felt myself choke up a little, “maybe we should spend some time apart”
“What?” I heard her whisper; she tried to say it but couldn’t get the word out.
“It’s not fair for you to live with me like this”
“What?” she repeated and I looked up at her to see tears making their way down her almost flawless face, “No” she shook her head “No” she continued as she sniffled back the tears, “What are you talking about time apart? We don’t need time apart that’s all we have is time apart. We need time together. We need to like go on vacation or something, we need to be together”
“I’m so sorry” I managed to get out
“No” she just shook her head, “This can’t be happening. No. Please no. Please. Justin please don’t do this”
“Baby we need to do this. We need to spend some time apart so we can figure some stuff out”
“What do you mean we need to figure some stuff out? I have everything figured out Justin, we’ve been married for six years, I figured everything out before I said I do” this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.
“I’m so sorry Kimberly”
“There’s someone else isn’t there?” she asked the question I was most afraid of, “It’s Leah isn’t it?” I didn’t say anything, or even look up at her, I couldn’t do it, “Nevermind, that tells me everything” she said softly and I managed to look up at her for a second to see a look of disgust cover her face and I quickly looked away. “I knew it” she said softly and then stood up. “I fucking knew it!” she yelled as she quickly put her clothes on and threw a book at me “How the fuck can you be out with this fucking 21 year old when you have a fucking wife and kids at home? What is wrong with you?” she screamed and that was the first time I ever heard her scream in my life. She never yells, she’s always calm. She never really swears either and to hear her say the word fuck multiple times in the same sentence just showed the how intense she really was “What is wrong with you?” she repeated between sobs. It was like she was yelling and crying at the same time, she was struggling to get the words out, “I can’t even look at you. I can’t even fucking look at you do you understand this?”
“Baby please”
“No… no” she paused, “Alright, Justin. So we’ll separate, which means you can continue frolicking around the world with your little 21-year-old home wrecker. And I will stay here with our two children like I always do. So you can continue your fucking cheating ways and I’ll just stay here taking care of our babies. I’ll wake up at 2 when Jacob has a nightmare and then again at 4 when Hailey can’t sleep, and then again at 6 when Jacob’s up for the day. I’ll continue the doctor’s appointments and school shopping while their daddy’s off somewhere fucking his opening act”
“Kimberly come on you can’t honestly say that things haven’t been messed up between us”
“Well obviously because you’re never here. Which is why the solution to that problem is not spending more time apart”
“Come on Kimberly, you have to admit we kinda rushed into things”
“No I don’t. After six years you’re figuring out we rushed into things?” she paused, “You need to grow up and take some responsibility,” she said as she began packing her things up
“For what?” I asked as I sat in bed unable to move
“Your life” she looked right at me when she said it, and I can’t even explain how many pieces she broke my heart into with those two words.
“Kimberly come on,” I said as I stood up and grabbed onto her arm
“Don’t touch me” she pulled away from me, again making me feel the size of an ant, “I honestly do not understand you. We took an oath Justin, you see this?” she held up her ring finger, “We said till death do us part not till something better comes along”
“Come on Kim, it’s not like that, don’t be so upset”
“Oh ok” she paused and laughed through her tears, “I’ll be happy. I’m so happy Justin that you cheated on me after six years with your little hoe of an opening act. I’m so happy that you want to destroy everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve just so you can fuck around with a 21 year old” she paused as the crying took over once again, “So happy” she whispered as she grabbed her bag and walked towards the door
“Where are you going?”
“Separating” she didn’t even look at me as she walked through the house and to her car. I watched her from the bedroom window, and she sped off. What have I done?
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you're enjoying the story :)
I ran out to my car drove. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, I couldn’t even think. I was just praying that everything that had just happened didn’t really happen. Maybe it was just a nightmare? The one person I had trusted with my life had let me down. When something like this happens you start to question everything. How could he do that? I knew it though; I seriously knew there was something going on with that girl. Ugh… and I can’t understand her either, it’s not like she didn’t know he’s married with kids dammit. What kind of a girl fucks around with a married man? More importantly what kind of a man fucks around with a girl when he’s married with kids? Not one that I want to be my husband, that’s for sure.
How dare he say that we should spend some time apart. All we do is spend time apart. It’s just so he can fool around with Leah the home wrecker some more and not feel guilty about it. Thank God there was no one on the streets because I honestly was driving so recklessly I’m surprised I didn’t hit a tree or something. Although I will admit I was pretty tempted to drive right off those damn Hollywood Hills but then I realized there’s no way I’m leaving my poor kids alone with him.
I had no idea where I was going but I ended up at Rachael’s house. I rang the doorbell and she came down in her nightgown looking half asleep because I obviously woke her. She didn’t even say anything just moved over so I could come in. I think she knew it was bound to happen at some point. I think everyone knew except me. It’s not a big deal in this city the whole cheating husband thing but it’s different with me. I’m not like that. I always felt like it couldn’t happen to me, but obviously I was very wrong.
I woke up the next morning and before I opened my eyes I said a silent prayer that last night was all a nightmare. When I would open my eyes I would be in my bed at my house with my husband next to me. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes and seeing the ceiling fan and quickly realized my prayers were not answered. So now what am I supposed to do? I’m going to go home, that’s what I’m going to do. I need to talk to my sister. She’s pretty much the closest person to me, well besides Justin… well not anymore now she is. I guess we’ll have to go back to the house to get some things. That’s going to be hard. I still can’t believe this is happening. As I got up off the couch I saw my two children sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal. Rachel was sitting next to them, she must have told them to leave me alone. “My loves” I smiled as I pulled them both close to me for a group hug. I didn’t want to let go; they made me feel so much better just having them in my arms.
“Mommy how come you’re here?” Hailey asked when I pulled away from them
“Because I missed you two so much” I forced a smile as I poured myself a bowl of cereal, “Now finish up so we can leave Auntie Rachael alone”
“Then we get to see daddy?”
“For a little. Then we’re gonna get packed because we’re gonna go visit Grandma and Papa and Auntie Becca” both of their faces lit up which was so good for me because I know they want to spend time with their father, but let’s face the facts, he doesn’t want me around and I’m sure as hell not leaving them alone with him. Never.
I took a deep breath before I opened the door to the house, afraid of what I would find… or who I would find. Justin was sitting on the couch watching TV and I just walked right up stairs and began packing up the kid’s stuff. I heard Justin playing with the kids so I moved into our room and grabbed my stuff, just so I wouldn’t be alone in there with him.
As I finished packing I grabbed the bags and walked downstairs. There was no apology, no explanation from him whatsoever. I’ll admit I was hoping he would just apologize and admit he’s made a big mistake and the last thing we need is to spend more time apart. But it never happened. He didn’t say anything to me the whole time I was there, except, “Where are you guys off to?”
“We’re going to go spend a couple days with my parents” he nodded his head
“Alright well call me in a couple days I guess”
I nodded my head, “Have fun” I said as I grabbed onto the bags and the kids followed me and we were on our way.
Why would she ever tell me to have fun on her way out? Does she honestly think this is easy for me? Like I’m excited to see her walk out of my life? I’m not. Not at all. I’m not even sure I made the right decision, all I know is I need some time to think about things. And I know she does too. She can’t pretend like everything was working out all right because we both know it wasn’t…well isn’t. I have no idea what to do.
I know she thinks I’m just doing this so I can be with Leah but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Leah’s a cool girl but compared to Kimberly… well there’s no comparison. It’s like comparing the Lakers to some league for kids under 12… no comparison. It’s not even like I want to be with someone else, I just want some time to think to figure out what it is exactly that I do want. The last thing I want to do is hurt Kim and the kids, but I guess I already did that. Well at least Kim, I don’t know if the kids even know what’s going on. But I’m sure they will as soon as they get to her parents house. Oh God, let the Justin bashing begin. Her mother hates me anyway. From the first time we set foot in their house she’s hated me. So has her father, but he’s grown to not hate me as much. But her mother… it’s like there’s nothing that I can do to please her. And I’ve tried; I’ve never really had any problems with parents in general. I think my mother has raised me good enough that parents would like me a little. But I swear her parents hate me. Her mother acts like she loves me but I can tell she doesn’t. I see those eye rolls and I understand the extra questions she always seems to ask.
But I can’t really say I blame them too much. I mean, granted the first time we met was when we showed up at their house a couple days after we were married. They’re a southern family, as mine is, and of course I should have asked for her father’s permission before asking her. But it was kind of a spare of the moment thing; I couldn’t very well call her father on the walk to the chapel down the street. That wouldn’t be the perfect idea.
My parents weren’t too fond of the idea when we first went to see them but they were never rude to her. They just thought we were stupid but they never singled her out. But I guess that’s just part of the whole male power stuff.
I wish everything were just clear. I wish someone could just come here and tell me what to do. As if on cue, the doorbell rang. I practically ran to the door, I don’t know why. I guess because I wanted it to be someone that could help me. A part of me wanted it to me Kim. I can’t believe she actually left. But I guess that’s what I wanted. I opened the door and saw my mother. I fell right into her arms like the day I came back from a week of sleep over camp when I was 10. I heard her laugh quietly as she dropped the bags in her hands and hugged me tightly, “Good to see you too Justin”
“Oh shit Ma, I missed you”
“Of course you missed me” she said as I let her go, “You’re my little boy” she paused and walked into the house, “Speaking of little boy where’s your little ones?” Oh shit.
“They’re with Kim” I said as I walked past her and sat down on the couch again, turning the television on so I wouldn’t have to explain anything else.
“Oh, well I brought them presents” she said as she placed the bags down on the coffee table, “When will they be back?” I shrugged and rested my head on her shoulder, “Well where did they go?”
“They went to her parents”
“In Arkansas?” I nodded my head, “Why on earth would she go to Arkansas with the kids when you’re home for a couple months?” I shrugged, “Don’t act like you don’t know Justin, what’s going on?”
I took a deep breath before explaining the whole thing to her. I was afraid of the reaction I’d get… I know how much she loves Kim. But hell, I love her too; I’m doing what’s best for her. She deserves better. When I finished talking I looked up at her, she was just staring at me. I wish she had said something right away this is so much worse. “Ma,” some kind of response would be great. She didn’t say anything, just slapped the back of my head, “Oww… Ma”
“Don’t oww Ma me” she began as she stood up and started pacing around the room. She’s mad, that’s what she does when she’s mad. “How could you be so stupid Justin? How could you let the best thing that ever happened to you just walk through that door? Are you crazy? You don’t know how lucky you are to have her Justin, she moved here for you… she left everything she ever knew, all her family and friends to come to this crazy city where she’d be left alone 75 percent of the time”
“I know”
She continued not even listening to me, she’s just rambling now, “You can not just run away from things when they get hard. Do you think Paul and I never went through some tough times? Everyone does” she can’t even start that shit… and what about my father? Wouldn’t you call that running away from things when they get hard? I’m not even going to bring that up because I can see the steam shooting from her ears, we don’t want to make it worse.
“Ma, I’m just doing what I think is best”
“What’s best?” she continued but I cut her off
“It’s not fair for Kim to live like this”
“Oh it’s not fair huh? Then why don’t you change it instead of removing yourself from it? Kimberly is a smart girl, she’s a tough girl, if she thought it wasn’t fair she would have left you a long time ago”
“She hasn’t been happy for awhile Mom. I can’t put her through that”
“You don’t think that’s something she should decide for herself?”
“I’m just giving her time to think about it. I’m giving us both time to think about it”
“Well you sure as hell better think about it” my mother just said the word hell and it wasn’t in a religious context… yeah she’s pissed, “You better think about it before you do anything drastic” she said as she sat down next to me and kissed my forehead
I took a deep breath as I rested my head on her shoulder. I didn’t think it would be this hard… and it’s only the first day. But I can’t let her see I’m having second thoughts. I know this is what I have to do… I have to stay strong… be the man… and just deal with it.
I sat up and wiped my eyes, not because I was crying but I knew it was possible that would happen at any moment. I stood up and walked towards the stairs, “I’m going upstairs I’ll talk to you later Ma” I walked back over to her and kissed her cheek and then made my way to our room.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)
I took a deep breath before knocking on my parent’s door. I held onto Jacob tightly in my arms and Hailey tried her best to stay still and hold in the excitement. My sister opened the door, “Oh my Gooodddd Hailey and Jacob!!!” she screamed as she bent down and they both ran to her arms. They love her so much, but they don’t get to see her too much, so I guess that makes it even better when they do see her. And it felt so good for me to see everyone too. I fell right into my father’s arms and then my mother hugged me and I felt myself begin to cry. I really need to get home more. I wiped my eyes and moved over to my sister and hugged her tightly. She’s seriously like my best friend; just being home is going to make this whole thing at least a little easier than it would if I were at some hotel somewhere.
We all moved out to the back porch and my mother brought out the sweet tea… yes I’m back in Arkansas. “So how are you doing Kimmy?”
“I guess I’m just still in shock but… as good as I can be I guess” I laughed slightly and then heard Jacob crying. I looked over to see him on the ground and I ran over to him, “Oh no baby what happened?”
“Fall down go boom” he said between sobs
“I see, are you alright?” I asked as I picked him up in my arms and brought him back to the porch, “Let me see it sweetie” I had to pull his hand away from his knee. It was a tiny scratch and he was crying like he had just lost a limb. “Are you going to be alright Jacob?” he shook his head, “No?” I laughed slightly, “Should I call 911?” He nodded his head frantically, “I think you’re going to be alright”
He shook his head again, “I needa band-aid”
“A band-aid? Let me see I think I might have just the thing” I smiled as I went through my purse and found the Sponge Bob band-aid and saw his face light up… that’s all it takes to make him happy, if only life were that easy. Maybe that’s all Justin and I need… a really big band-aid. If only they made them big enough. I placed the band-aid on his knee and then kissed it gently, “All better”
“Thank you Mommy”
Aww my little boy with the good manners, “Your welcome sweetie” he smiled and ran back into the yard.
“Hailey, Jacob come here” my father called them and they came running over, “You guys want to go to the zoo?” they both smiled and nodded their head, “Alright let’s go then” Hailey followed my father but Jacob came over to me
“What’s the matter sweetie?”
“I wanna go with you”
“No, no I’m going to stay here with Auntie Becca and you’re going to go with Nana and Papa”
“You come” he began crying, I hate when he does that. He doesn’t like being away from me and he cries so much. I guess that’s normal but it kills me everytime I see those tears streaming from his adorable little blue eyes.
“Sweetie you’re going to have fun”
He shook his head, “You come”
“You’re going to see the gorillas, remember those big monkeys?”
“You come,” he repeated as he wrapped his arms around my leg… he was not going to let go
“Jacob” I laughed slightly as I picked him up, “I have a present for you, come here” I said as I sat down and went into my purse and grabbed a disposable camera, “I want you to take a lot of pictures. Do you know how to do that?” he nodded his head and I wiped his eyes, “And you’re going to take a lot of pictures of those monkeys for me right?” he nodded his head, “And you’re going to have a lot of fun with Nana and Papa” he shook his head and I laughed, “No?”
“You come,” he said softly… I thought I made progress. He’s such a Mama’s boy… just like his father.
“Come on Jacob” Hailey said as she came back, “You such a baby”
“I no baby”
“Yeah suh”
“Hailey, enough” she’s such a troublemaker.
“Hey how come I don’t get one?” she asked as she pointed to the camera
“You get one,” I said as I handed her the camera, “Go ask Nana to help you with it”
“I no baby” he said as he crossed his arms and stuck his lips out like he always does when he’s mad
“Well of course you’re not a baby”
“I big boy”
“Yes you sure are”
He rested his head on me, “You come?”
I took a deep breath, “Oh Jacob sweetie. You’re going to go and have fun and see the monkeys and I bet if you’re good Nana will even buy you some cotton candy” I saw him smile a little, “And I’m going to give Nana some money and if you’re a good boy you can get a little monkey to take home ok?” he nodded his head, “But only if you’re real good”
“I will be”
“Ok great, so you ready?” he nodded his head and my father picked him up, “Hailey come here” she walked over to me with her arms crossed, “You better be good” I said as I moved her curly blond hair out of her face, “And don’t be so mean to your brother. You’re the big sister, it’s your job to make him feel better when he’s sad” she looked at me and nodded her head slightly, “Make sure you’re good”
“I promise”
“Ok, bye guys have fun” I said as I hugged Hailey and kissed Jacob on the forehead, “Have fun guys” I watched them leave and then walked up to my old room. I’m such a baby, I miss them already.
“They’re so cute” Becca said as she followed me into the room
“I know” I paused and laughed slightly as I picked up my old teddy bear, “I mean thanks, that’s what you’re supposed to say right?”
“Yeah, whatever” she laughed as she lay down next to me on my bed, “Do you remember when we were little we used to come up here and talk about how we were going to marry one of the New Kids on the Block”
I laughed, we were such losers, “How about when we’d fight and then you’d come in with your New Kids collection and we’d just forget about everything and how we were gonna marry Joey Mac”
“Joey was all yours” she laughed, “Jordan was mine” she paused, “But I grew out of it, you moved on to marry Joey’s modern day equivalent” I didn’t say anything, “Oh shit, I didn’t mean…”
“It’s ok,” I said softly. I can’t believe he hasn’t been in my mind for at least a little while,
“Well to look on the bright side you didn’t sign a pre-nup so if you get a divorce you get his money” she said with a slight chuckle
I can’t believe she just said that. “I don’t want his money” I said giving her a dirty look, “I’m just so scared” I paused, “What if he wants to get a divorce? What if he wants to take the kids? Oh my God I would die. I don’t know what I would do. Becca I need my kids, I can’t live without them, right now I miss them and they just left 5 minutes ago. I’ve been with them since the second they’ve been conceived”
“That’s not going to happen”
“Yeah but what if it does. How could I possibly live without them? Like he’d totally get custody. I don’t have a job, I don’t have a house”
“He doesn’t have a permanent address” she paused, “Why are we even talking about this? It’s not going to happen. And even if it did which it won’t, the kids would pick you in a second”
“Yeah but they don’t let them do that anymore”
“Oh and when have you become such a pro?” she asked with a chuckle.
We had a real good conversation; it really felt good to get everything I needed to get out. It was good to have some time without the kids I guess but I was so happy when I saw them come back in.
After I put them to bed I went back downstairs and poured myself a cup of coffee. I sat down on the couch with my legs crossed. “Have you talked to him yet?” my mother asked… here we go
“No”
“I’m not surprised”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well wouldn’t you expect him to call you to check in with his wife and kids?”
“Ma, we aren’t exactly on the best of terms”
“He still could call. I never did like him”
“Yeah maybe because you never gave him a chance. Like every time you see him you just start like grilling him”
“And I don’t have the right to? Even after what he’s done to you right now?”
“Ok Mom seriously. If you would just stop talking about my husband that’d be wonderful,” I said as I stood up, “I’m going to bed” I hate that she hates him. It’s so annoying because she never really gave him a chance. He was always super nice to her, he always tried so hard and she’s just so fake to him. It’s just so annoying. I don’t need Justin bashing right now. I snuck into the kid’s room and lay down on the bed next to Jacob and cried myself to sleep with him in my arms.
Author's Notes:
Thanks so much for reading and the feedback is wonderful :)
553-480 I hung up the phone before I pressed the last number. I feel like I’m calling her for the first time. I wasn’t even this nervous when I called her the first time. What happened to that confidence? I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch with the phone in my hands. 553-48 I hung up again. Why did I even hang up? Why am I nervous about calling my wife? 553 I took a deep breath and threw the phone across to the other couch. Why am I acting like such a wuss? Ok I need to just get over this and call her. I would have called her sooner but let’s just say this exact situation with the phone has happened the past few days. I just want to see her again… I think. I don’t even know what I want. I thought some time alone would be good but it’s not. I miss her. I miss the kids.
553-4805 Shit it’s ringing. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, “Hello?” she answered and I felt my knees go weak, it was like the first time I heard her speak, “Hello? Justin?”
“Yeah, hey” there were a couple seconds of silence, I guess because I called and it’s my job to keep the conversation going, “How’s it going?”
“Ok” she paused for a second, “I mean good actually, everything’s going great. We went to the zoo the other day; the kids are having a lot of fun. It’s good to be home with my parents and sister and everything” she’s making it sound better than it really is. It’s not possible for her to have that much fun when she’s home with her mother whom no person can take for more than a day at a time. I knew her mother was really getting to her, I wanted to just tell her to come home but I can’t. That’s giving in. And even if I did she wouldn’t… I’m the asshole in this whole thing. It’s not her
“Good” I paused, “So when are you guys coming back?”
“I don’t know”
“I want to see the kids, I miss them” and you I miss you too, “I can take them for the week or something” she was silent for a little, “Are you there?”
“Yeah” she said softly. I know the last thing she wants to do is leave the kids but it’s only for a week. And I need to spend time with them too. Plus it’d be good for her to have a few days to herself; she has a lot of things to think about.
“So when?”
“Whenever you come and get them,” she’s just saying that because she knows damn well I’m not going to Arkansas especially with her parents.
“I’m not coming to fucking Arkansas Kimberly”
“Alright then I’ll just put them on a plane, hell I’ll just put them in a box and ship them. It’ll be cheaper… and safer too we can get those packing peanuts and it’ll be real comfortable”
“Or you could just bring them”
“Why do I have to do all the work when I don’t even want them to stay with you?”
What’s that supposed to mean, “You don’t trust me with my own kids?”
“I just don’t like being away from them”
“That’s why you come back here. You can stay at the beach house or something, you’ll be a half hour away”
She was quiet for a couple seconds, “Alright, we’ll come tomorrow”
Success! “Great” I felt a smile cover my face, “Do you want me to pick you up at the airport?”
“It’s alright we’ll get a ride” she said softly
“Alright well if you change your mind just call me with the flight info”
“Alright bye”
“Bye”
I spent that night and the next morning cleaning the house. I guess it’s safe to say I haven’t been the neatest person these last few days. I actually spent most of the morning pacing around my house. I was nervous, there’s no other way to put it. Why? I don’t know. I have no idea. Why am I nervous? I took a deep breath when I heard the doorbell ring. Why did she ring the doorbell? I walked over to the door and checked myself in the mirror before opening it up. Ok Justin, get a grip.
“Daddy!” Hailey screamed and ran into my arms
“Hey baby girl I missed you,” I said as I hugged her tightly. Jacob just stood by his mother as if he’d never seen me before. Ok I just saw him a couple days ago. This is really getting annoying. “Jacob man, what’s up?” I asked as I held out my hand for him to slap.
He looked up at Kimberly before doing anything, “Go ahead”
He walked over to me and slapped my hand and then gave me a big hug. Thank God I was getting worried we’d have to go through this whole who-the-hell-are-you thing again. Then they both walked into the other room and I was left alone with Kim. What do I do? Hug her? Kiss her? Shake her hand? “It’s good to see you again” why the fuck did I say that? It’s like I haven’t seen her in years or something. She just smiled slightly and nodded her head; it was a polite smile, not one that actually meant she was happy.
“Well, I just need to get some stuff before I go”
“Yeah alright, take your time” I said as I walked into the living room with the kids. I sat down on the couch and Jacob stood up and ran to his mother. This isn’t going to be good, “So Hailey did you have fun with Nana and Papa?”
“Yeah, I gotta monkey” she said with a smile
“Awesome” she has such a cute smile, she’s gonna be a heartbreaker, I can promise you that
A little while later Kimberly came down with Jacob in her arms. She looked like she was ready to cry, “Alright well I’m going to get going” I nodded my head and stood up, “Hailey sweetie come here and give me a kiss” I saw the tears forming in her eyes already, “Be good and remember what I said” Hailey nodded her head and then went back to the play room where she started setting up for a tea party… oh boy can’t wait to see what she has in store for me, “Alright Jacob time to go see Daddy” he shook his head and held onto her tightly, “Yes sweetie you’re going to have fun”
“Nooo” he started to cry
“Alright alright don’t cry,” she said softly as he calmed him down, “Um, just make sure Hailey takes her medicine. She’s going to act like she doesn’t need it but she does no matter what” I nodded my head, I know she needs her medicine, “And Jacob, he’s going to be afraid of the monsters under his bed, just make sure you use the monster spray, it’s next to his bed, then he’ll be alright” Monster spray? That’s good, “If Hailey can’t sleep just tickle her back a little and she’ll fall right to sleep. Make sure they don’t eat too much junk food and they brush their teeth for one minute exactly, no less” she paused and sniffled back a little, I just realized she’s never really been away from them. “If you need anything call me, no matter how little it is. If you go out don’t leave them with anyone unless it’s with your mother. All right? Please don’t Justin”
“I won’t, it’s only a couple days Kim don’t worry” she nodded her head and Jacob started to cry again, this is so hard for her. I felt bad taking the kids away. It’s like I’m this big monster or something. Hailey’s fine but Jacob would rather die than stay here with me. The last thing he wants to do is leave his mother and I’m making him. I’m making him stay here with me, this guy who’s only been around for about half of his life. If that.
“Come on Jacob it’s going to be alright. You’re going to have fun,” she said wiping away his tears, but she needed someone there to wipe away hers.
“No Mommy please?” he cried, “You stay”
‘No sweetie I can’t stay. You’re going to have fun with Daddy”
“Noo, I come,” he cried and I could tell it was breaking her heart. She didn’t want to let him go. Hell it was breaking my heart just watching.
“No, Jacob no. You’re going to have fun. You’re going to have so much fun with Daddy and Hailey” she said more seriously this time; she managed to stop the tears from falling down her own face. I couldn’t even say anything; I was just watching them both carefully. What kind of a father am I that my own boy doesn’t want to be alone with me? What kind of a father am I that I’m making my son and wife spend the week in different houses? “You’re going to have so much fun I’m jealous” she laughed slightly, “And you have to show Daddy the Johnny the Monkey too” she paused, “Alright I’m going to go sweetie, have fun”
‘Nooo” he cried even harder this time
“I have to go, I love you,” she said as she kissed his forehead, “Call me later ok sweetie? Daddy will let you call me tonight” she said and he just kept crying like he just got his leg cut off or something, “Just take him” she said to me. I gave her a look like are you sure? I don’t really want to get in the middle of this, “Bye Hailey, I love you”
“Bye Mommy” she screamed from the other room. She’s so different from Jacob; he’s very clingy she never really was. I guess a lot of that’s my fault, I was around a lot more while Hailey was growing up than I was for Jacob,
“Alright Jacob go see Daddy. Mommy loves you, be good” I grabbed him in my arms, “Bye baby, have fun” she waved and then walked quickly out of the house.
“Nooo” Jacob screamed and kicked, I let him down and he ran to the door. This is going to be a crazy ass week… what have I gotten myself into?
“Come on Jake we’re going to have fun. You want to play Spiderman?”
“NO!” he screamed
“You want to watch Sponge Bob?”
“NO!”
“You want some ice cream?”
“NO!” you know something’s wrong when a kid turns down ice cream
“Well then what do you want?”
“Mommy!!!!” he screamed… of course the one thing I can’t give him. I took a deep breath, I never babysat as a kid, what the hell do I do?
“I’ll get him Daddy” Hailey said as she walked over to Jacob and put her hands on his shoulders, “Jacob stop crying. Memba what Mommy said?” he nodded his head and the crying stopped a little. That was it? That’s all you have to say? Remember what mommy said? And what exactly did Mommy say? Some Justin bashing I’m sure
“And what did Mommy say?” I asked as Hailey came back and sat down next to me on the couch
“She said we was gonna have fun. And to be good. And that daddy’s tryin hard and wants to see us so we better be good for him” Well… not exactly what I expected, “He likes Play Dough… then he’ll be good”
“Play Dough huh? Sounds like fun” I said and I saw a little smile cover his face. And here we go… let the week begin.
Ok I need to grow up or something. Why am I crying? I get a week vacation. This is good… no reason to cry. I’m getting a week alone to think, to do whatever I want. But all I really want to do is play games with my kids. I’m such a dork, it’s like I need them to be happy. I need to be independent or something. This will be good for me, I need to get used to them being away, Hailey’s going to start kindergarten next year. That’s all day, not like this preschool stuff that’s only for a couple hours. That’s going to be hard. But at least I’m at the beach house. I love this house. It’s so beautiful. I can wake up, look out the window and see the ocean. I can sit out on the porch sip my coffee and just sit there at the water. Just walk out and take a quick swim… it’ll be fun. But I know I’m just going to be thinking about the kids all day.
It’s not that I don’t trust Justin. He’s a great father, I just don’t like being away from them. I wish I could just go home and everything would go back to normal. It kills me because Justin is actually home now, and we should be together… but we’re not. I took a deep breath as I opened up the curtains and looked out at the Pacific Ocean, it’s so beautiful. I wish I weren’t alone here. Ok I need to get over this and look on the bright side. I get to relax and think about this. I walked into the bedroom and dropped my bags on the bed. Of course the big picture greeted me on the wall of our wedding day. So of course I, being the emotional wreck I am, started bawling like a baby. We were so happy. A month after we got married in Vegas we had another wedding, like in the church so it would be recognized or whatever. It was our parent’s ideas and we just wanted to make them happy at that point. It didn’t matter to us, we were already married. But now I’m glad we did it. I got to wear the whole white dress and everything, and that’s every girl’s dream. I sat down on the floor in the living room and grabbed the photo album from under the table and started looking through all the pictures. Why I’m doing this I don’t know. It’s making it worse but I couldn’t stop myself. That was such a wonderful day. All our family and friends were there, not to mention I got to meet Kevin Bacon. Can you believe it? Kevin Bacon came to my wedding. Now even I’m part of that seven degrees of separation with Kevin Bacon thing. I’m still not over that. It was such a loving day, a day of laughter; we thought we’d live happily ever after. And we did… for a while we were very happy but that changed pretty quickly. The pictures are starting to fade… just like our relationship. But I still pray that it’s not real, that it’s not really happening and he’s not going to leave me for her.
I would beg him if I had to… forget the self-respect I will fall to his feet begging him to stay with me. I can’t let him leave me… I just can’t do it. I can’t find one reason to let him go. Sure he cheated on me, and that’s wrong but I’m willing to overlook that. I’ll forget all about it, like it never happened. I can’t let him leave me; I don’t know what I’d do. I need to just go home and see him. But I can’t. I need to stay strong.
I need to straighten myself out. I need to be cheered up. And how does any girl cheer herself up? Shopping and ice cream. Maybe even some pizza too. But first shopping. I fixed my hair and make-up and grabbed my bag and drove right to Rodeo Drive.
I always feel weird when I go shopping here because I really feel like I don’t belong. I mean I kind of don’t. But everyone’s real nice, which is kinda weird. I thought it’d be more like Pretty Women, but I guess they know who I am… which is stupid. The only thing I hate is that the sales people are almost too nice. They always say everything looks wonderful and they make you think like you couldn’t live without it. But I’m not going to buy a lot, maybe a pair of shoes… and a purse… but that’s it.
I parked my car and walked down the street when I felt someone grab onto my arm. I looked over at the guy standing there with a smile covering his face, “Do you have the time?”
“No I’m sorry,” I said as I looked at his wrist and laughed slightly, “You might want to try checking your watch there”
He laughed and threw his head back, “It’s broken”
“Oh is it?” I laughed as I grabbed onto his arm and looked at the watch,
“Looks about right to me’
He laughed, “I’m John”
“Kimberly”
“Beautiful name” he smiled and kissed my hand, oh he’s smooth, “So let me guess, you’re a model”
“Oh god no” I laughed, “That’s good”
“Are you serious? You had me fooled. I guess it’s a good thing, you’d put poor Tyra Banks out of a job”
I couldn’t even control the laughter. Who is this guy? “You’re funny”
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Oh I’m sorry, I’m married”
“Oh shit, my bad. I didn’t even see the ring” he held up my hand, “Damn look at the size of that thing how the hell could I miss that?” he’s cute,
“Looks like you got yourself a rich one”
“Something like that” I laughed
“Well of course all the good ones are taken” he smiled, “Well if it doesn’t work out you give me a call,” he said as he handed me his number.
I laughed and grabbed the piece of paper, “It was nice meeting you John”
“The pleasure’s all mine darling” that was sweet. A major ego booster if nothing else that sure made my day a little better.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading! :)
“Come on Jacob don’t you want to eat?” of course I got no answer, he just continued crying. That’s all he does. He hasn’t stopped crying since his mother left 2 days ago. You’d think he’d be over it by now. But no, of course not. He hasn’t eaten much either. Which isn’t good. I should call Kimberly and let her take care of it but no I can’t. He has to get over this at some point. Plus of course, I can’t admit I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. The only time he stops crying is when he’s talking to her on the phone, then she manages to calm him down for at least until he goes to bed. I don’t know how she does. How the hell does she calm him down so much when she’s not even here? All he needs is to hear her voice?
“Hailey what does your mother do if he doesn’t eat?”
“He always eats with Mommy”
“Well what does she do when he cries like this?”
“He doesn’t cry like this. He’s crying cause he wants Mommy he doesn’t hafta when Mommy’s here”
“So what do you think I should do?”
“I dunno you’re the daddy” she’s right. Why am I asking a four year old for advice about how to take care of my own son? I took a deep breath and cleared away her plate then went into the living room where Jacob was lying on the ground screaming. What is wrong with this kid? “Come on Jake lunch is getting cold” he stopped crying for a second, looked up at me, and then started crying again. Seriously something is wrong with him, “Come on Jacob stop” I picked him up and he started crying even more, “What is wrong with you? Jacob, calm down. Stop. Stop acting like such a baby”
“Ohhh” Hailey said as she sat down next to me, “I’m telling Mommy. I get in trouble when I call him a baby, you’re gonna too”
Great. “Hailey go in the other room I’m talking to Jacob”
“You don’t have to yell,” she pouted as she walked out of the room. This is a nightmare.
“Come on Jacob man, calm down”
“Mommy” he cried
“I know I know you want mommy. We all want Mommy she’s going to come in a little bit but you just have to calm down” he stopped a little, could it have possibly worked? “Come on let’s get you some lunch” he nodded his head and I sat him down in the kitchen, “You have to calm down man, you’re going to make yourself sick” I said as I passed him a Kleenex. He just looked at it like he had no idea what it was for. I keep forgetting he’s only 2 years old. I wiped his face and then put the placed bread and peanut butter and jelly in front of him.
“When’s Mommy comin home?” Hailey asked… no not her too
“Soon sweetie” I said as I walked to the counter to get a plate
“I miss her”
“I know” everyone misses her, I understand. Their life cannot operate without her. The doorbell rang and Hailey went running to the door, “Hailey, what did I say about answering the door? You wait for me,” I said as I jogged to get to the door. You never know, someone could just nock on the door and grab her.
“Hey sweetie is your daddy here?” oh shit.
“What are you doing here?” Hailey asked in her best snobby voice
“I’m here to see your Daddy, is he here?”
“No” she answered smartly
“Hailey, calm down” I said as I walked to the door. Hailey ran into the other room, “What are you doing here Leah?”
“Just thought maybe you could use a little help with the kids” she said with a smile, “I brought cookies”
Well I guess I could use all the help I can get. I walked back into the house and she followed me, “How’s the food Jake?” I asked before looking over at him, his hands were covered in peanut butter and jelly, I guess he couldn’t wait for me. He looked right at me and laughed, “Don’t make a mess”
“Too late” he laughed
“Yeah too late” I said with a slight chuckle
“For you” a huge smile covered his face as he handed me the sandwich
“It’s inside out man”
“You’re supposed to say thank you”
I laughed as I placed the sandwich on the counter, “Thanks man”
Jacob looked right at me, picked up the bowl of cereal Hailey didn’t finish and dumped it right in his lap, “What are you doing?” he just started laughing hysterically like it was the funniest thing ever. “Oh my God Jacob why would you do that?” I let him down and he just started running around the house screaming. What the hell is wrong with this kid? One second he’s screaming crying the next he’s screaming laughing and running around the house with Apple Jacks in his pants. I took a deep breath and tried to clean up the mess he left, “Jacob get back here” just let him go
“Why do you have your hair like that?” Hailey asked Leah as she sat down next to her
“Oh I just got it done. Do you like it?”
“No. It’s ugly”
I laughed as I looked up and saw Leah’s reaction. “Hailey don’t say that, that’s not nice”
“It is though” yeah she’s right it is pretty ugly. I don’t understand why some girls spend so much time and money getting their hair done. It’s a waste, half the time it looks horrible and even if it doesn’t how long does it even last? Kimberly never gets her hair done, I guess we’re on the same wavelength about that whole thing; it’s just a waste. “Why do you wear that purse? It’s ugly”
“All right Hailey enough” she really just says whatever the hell she wants.
Jacob came back in the room; I guess it works when you just ignore them for a minute.
“Daddy” he called, I looked over and saw him smiling brightly and holding up this real expensive vase we bought a couple months ago
“No, what are you doing? Put that down” he laughed and ran with it, so I would chase him, and I did. Since when has he become such a terror?
“Jacob get over here,” I yelled, now I’m pissed. He just continued laughing and screaming, then fell and dropped the vase. The thousand-dollar vase was across my floor in millions of pieces. Great. I couldn’t even say anything, I just took a deep breath, and looked over at Jacob who was crying hysterically… great here we go again, “Alright calm down, it’s ok” I picked him up but that didn’t help, he just continued crying, “What? What’s the matter? It’s just a vase. Are you ok?” he shook his head, “What’s wrong?” He was holding onto his knee so I moved his hand, there was hardly even a little scratch, “You’re fine Jacob, there’s nothing there”
“He wants a band-aid”
I looked over at Hailey and took a deep breath, “A band-aid? There’s nothing there to put it on” Jacob continued crying, “Alright, alright we’ll get you a band-aid” I picked him up and walked into the bathroom, where the hell would band-aids be? Jackpot, in the medicine cabinet. I sat him down on the sink and went to put the band-aid on but he wouldn’t let me
“No” he shook his head frantically
“What do you mean no? I thought you wanted a band-aid”
“Sponge Bob” what the hell?
“I don’t have a Sponge Bob band-aid,” I said as I looked through the cabinet. He started to cry again, “Alright, alright… I’ll draw one on” I looked around and grabbed a pen and drew a little Sponge Bob on the band-aid, “All set” he shook his head, “What?”
“Kiss”
“What?”
“Kiss it better”
Oh yeah… right, “Oh yeah, sorry” I laughed slightly, and kissed his knee, “You all set Jake the Snake?” he nodded his head, “Good. High Five?” he nodded his head and slapped me five. I think we’re actually bonding a little.
We walked back into the room where Hailey was continuing to grill Leah. I almost feel bad, but I don’t even know why she’s here. Hailey asked the question before I could, “Why are you here?”
“I came to see your daddy”
“Why? He doesn’t even like you” I can’t believe she just said that, “He misses Mommy, we all do”
“I’m sure you do”
“She’s comin back soon, she’s just at da beach” oh shit, they miss her so much, why am I making them spend this time apart? We should all just be together; “You should just go no one wants you here”
“Hailey I thought we were having a tea party”
“We are, but I don’t want her to come”
“Alright, go get it set up. You going to help her Jacob?” he nodded his head and they both went into the other room
“Wow, that girl sure says everything on her mind”
“Yeah” I paused, “We’re just kind of busy… maybe you should go”
“Are you serious?” she asked with a slight chuckle, “You want me to leave because a four year old doesn’t want me here?”
“She’s my daughter, it’s her house”
“You’ve got to be kidding me”
“They’re my kids Leah, I want to spend time with my kids”
“Of course” she said as she grabbed her bag and left. I don’t know what that’s all about. How could she possibly be mad because I want to spend time with my kids? That’s bullshit I don’t even care. She doesn’t understand that we don’t have something permanent and it was a mistake. I don’t know how I can make it clearer.
I lay down on the beach, working on my tan or something. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t sleep; I’m making myself sick. Maybe I can get some sleep during the day since I can’t seem to get any at night. I opened my eyes when I noticed the sun was being blocked, “What a life. Huh? You just sit out here, working on your tan. Leave the kids with the hubby come out to the beach…”
I laughed as I sat up, “What are you doing here?”
“Just came to see how you were doing” Rachael paused as I stood up, “How are you doing?”
“Um bad” I said as I walked back into the house and she followed me, “I haven’t slept, um… pretty much at all since like last week. It’s been a whole week Rach, it’s sick”
“Oh no, it’s normal”
“Normal? I’m like crying myself to sleep every night, and I don’t even sleep for more than like an hour a night. I wake up and like scream out his name, like thinking he’s there or just in the other room or something” I paused as I poured us each a glass of iced tea, “I feel like I should be crying right now but I can’t. I’m like all out of tears” I paused and laughed,
“It’s sick” I have said the word ‘like’ so many times in the past 10 seconds, that right there’s an example of how messed up this is making me
“Have you talked to him?”
“Only for a couple minutes before I talk to the kids”
“I guess you just have to give him time”
I nodded my head, “I’m seriously making myself sick though. Like I’ve been throwing up every morning, it’s gross. I don’t throw up. You know I don’t throw up, the last time I threw up was…”
“When you were pregnant,” she said as though she had just solved the mystery of the murder. It was professor Plum in the observatory with the pipe.
“Yeah” I paused, “Oh shut up I’m not pregnant”
“Ok” she paused, “So anything else pre-pregnant like?”
“Ok stop, seriously, I’m not pregnant”
“And why not?”
“Because I haven’t had sex. Ok? No sex for like four months. If I was pregnant you could see the little one kicking”
“Alright alright calm down” I am calm. Ok I guess I’m a little on the edge but that’s just because of this whole thing.
“Sorry” I said as I took a deep breath, “I just want to go home”
“Then go home”
I gave her a look and sat down on the couch, “Have you just joined this conversation?”
She laughed and sat down next to me, “No but seriously, if he came here right now and said he wants you to come home you would?” I nodded my head, “Just like that? Without an apology or an explanation of any kind?”
I took a deep breath, “You don’t understand because your wonderful husband is there all the time. Like he is never here, and when he is I need to be there with him. Like how stupid is it that we’re in the same city yet we’re living in different houses?” she nodded her head, “Like… I don’t know. I know I need some kind of explanation but I also need to be with him and be with my family” I took a deep breath, “I just want to go home” Ha. And I thought I was out of tears.
“Then maybe you need to go home”
“I can’t. We need to spend time apart, we need to figure things out. That’s what he said, things are messed up, and we rushed into things. We rushed into things Rachael who says that? That’s like saying he made a mistake in asking me to marry him. It’s like saying he changed his mind and if he could go back in time he would not have married me”
“That’s not at all what he’s saying”
“Oh it’s not? Than what exactly is he saying Rachael? Clear it up for me. I mean wow, this whole time I thought it meant he thinks we rushed into things but I must be crazy” I am honestly going crazy
“It means he got himself going and just said anything that came to mind. You know he doesn’t mean it Kim, he wants to see you”
“Why would you ever say that?”
“Why else would he call to get the kids? When has he ever wanted you to send the kids somewhere? So he could see you, and why does he call you every night? So he can talk to you. Why did he want you to bring the kids? So you’d be 20 minutes away so when he finally grows the balls to come and talk to you, you’ll be right down the street” Sure it makes sense, but so does the fact that he just wants me to go away. I can’t think so much it’s making me sick. I moved my legs up and rested my head on the shoulder of the couch, I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’ve been getting so sick lately, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just a little light headed”
“Humm”
“Seriously drop it”
“Let’s go get a pregnancy test then”
“That’s a waste of money and time”
“I’ll pay for it and come on you have plenty of time”
“I’m not taking a pregnancy test”
“Oh no? And why not?”
“Because I already know the answer”
“Then what is there to loose?”
“Why is this such a big deal to you? I told you I’m not pregnant, I’m not pregnant. It’s not possible”
“Please just take the test”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I remember what happened last time with Jacob and how if you didn’t go to the doctors right away you would have been really sick and we don’t want to have to go through that” She’s right I did have a lot of problems with his birth, but that doesn’t matter, I’m not pregnant, “Please just do it”
I took a deep breath and looked right at her. She’s really worried about this, I don’t know why she cares so much, it’s not possible. “All right fine” she let our a sigh of relief, “But you have to get it, I don’t want people to see me…”
“I’ll be back in five minutes” she smiled as she stood up and grabbed her purse, “Need anything else?” I shook my head, “No chocolate covered pickles or peanut butter hot dogs?”
“Just go”
“Daddy! Daddy!”
“Hailey, Hailey” I said after letting out a yawn, how do these kids have so much energy?
She giggled, “Wanna play princess?”
“No”
“Why not?” she asked as if she never expected to get no as the answer to that question
I laughed as I looked over at her little puppy-dog face. I picked her up and placed her in my lap, “Because Daddy’s tired”
“It’s only 5-4-8” she said as she looked over at the clock. I didn’t know she could tell time. That’s impressive for a four year old.
I took a deep breath, “Let’s just watch a movie”
“Sponge Bob!” Jacob yelled as he sat up on the couch. I swear he was just sleeping a second ago. I don’t understand how this kid can be knocked out one second and then jumping up and down on the couch the next.
“What is it with you kids and Sponge Bob? Let’s watch something else”
“No Sponge Bob”
“What about Aladdin?”
“Sponge Bob” Jacob said with a chuckle
“Lion King?”
“Sponge Bob” Hailey and Jacob said together, they really think this is the funniest thing in the world
“Bugs Life?” I’m really trying here; I’ll take anything but that damn Sponge Bob movie. They’ve been here a couple days and I’m already sick as hell of it. I don’t know how Kim can deal with it. I also don’t know why they would want to watch the same damn thing over and over every day.
“This” Jacob said, as he placed the Tellatubbies DVD in my lap, oh hell no.
“Alright, alright, Sponge Bob it is” I stood up and put the DVD in the player, “What do you guy want for dinner?”
“Pizza” Hailey screamed like she hasn’t had it in months
“We had pizza last night”
“Grilled cheese?” it was a question this time, she wasn’t as excited
“No, that was lunch” I said with a laugh when I saw the face she made, she’s so adorable, “What do you want Jacob?”
“Um… macaroni and cheese?”
“You just had that yesterday, what is wrong with you kids?” I asked with a laugh and Jacob just shrugged
“How about… cereal?” he held his arms up like it took all he had to come up with that idea.
I picked him up and threw him on the couch, “NOOO” they both giggled as I laid down and they both climbed on top of me, “How about some lobster?”
“Ewww” they both said together
“A nice juicy steak?”
“Ewww”
“Some nice caviar?” I laughed at the reaction I got. They both just looked at me like I had ten heads, they don’t know what the fuck caviar is.
“Hot dog” Jacob tilted his head to the side and shrugged, I laughed and shook my head
“Oh I know!” Hailey said as she sat down right on my chest, “Peanut butter and jelly” she said it as though she had just solved a major mystery
“No” I shook my head, “What about Chinese food?”
“What’s Chinese food?” Hailey asked. Ok I know Kim doesn’t like them to eat too much junk but she has to know what the hell Chinese food is. They are not that sheltered.
“Alright, forget it” I said as I stood up, ‘we’ll get some Faziallo’s”
“What’s a fabazayellow?” Hailey asked, giving me a look like she was really raking her little brain to figure out what the hell it was
“It’s a restaurant sweetie” I laughed, “Italian food, you can get pizza or macaroni or something” We ate our dinner in front of the TV, watching that damn Sponge Bob movie. Tomorrow we’re going shopping and they’re each getting a couple DVDs. There’s no reason we need to watch the same damn movie multiple times a day.
“Now can we have some ice cream?”
“No Hailey, your mother doesn’t want you to eat too much junk food”
“When she comin home?” oh shit here we go
“Soon Jake”
“How come she’s not here?”
“She’s at the beach house”
“Well why don’t we go there then?” Hailey asked… because you’re father’s a little wuss that’s why.
“We’ll see her soon” ok time to change the subject quick before we start another crying fest, “How was dinner? Good?”
Jacob stood up and just started running around the house. I swear this kid makes me wonder sometimes. He just has these mood swings or something; I don’t even know what they are. He’s all calm and then all of a sudden he just goes crazy and starts running around screaming. I’ve never seen him do this before Kim left, I guess maybe that has something to do with it, “Come on Jacob calm down” maybe I give him too much sugar or something? I haven’t even given him that much. Kim just has this damn way of calming anyone down; I guess it’s just that whole nurse thing. And then I heard a bang and him crying, here we go again. “What’s the matter Jake?” I asked as I jogged into the living room, expecting another little booboo that would need one of my now famous sponge bob band-aid. He was lying on the ground and I swear there was a puddle of blood on the ground. Shit. “What happened Jacob?” I asked as I picked him up and he just continued crying, his lip was all fucked up. Shit. What the fuck do I do? “It’s alright, it’s alright” shit shit shit. His knees were all bleeding too, what the fuck happened? All right I need to calm the fuck down, “Are you alright Jacob? Are you ok?” He just continued crying, his lip is fucked up.
“Alright, shit” what the fuck do I do? “All right Jacob, Hailey get me the phone, you’re alright Jacob,” I said as I sat him down on the bathroom sink and washed up his legs, he’s holding his head too. I grabbed the phone from Hailey’s hand and dialed Kim’s number as I continued to clean him up, a little I guess but damn that blood just kept pouring out. Pick up the damn phone Kim, where the hell is she? I called my mother, but of course she didn’t pick up either, no way, that’d be too easy. It’s all me. It’s all fucking up to me and I don’t know what the hell to do. I guess I should take him to the emergency room? I mean it’s not that big of a deal but he’s loosing a lot of damn blood. And he’s tiny, that’s a lot for someone so small. Ok fuck, “Come on baby, we’re gonna go for a ride”
“What’s the matta with Jacob?”
“Come on Hailey, we’re leaving. It’s alright Jacob, everything’s going to be ok,” I said as I carried him out to the car. Thank God we do not live that far from the hospital, I really don’t know what I would have done if we didn’t.
“Why are you crying Jake, you’re such a baby”
“Hailey stop” I said as I pulled into a parking spot, grabbed him in my arms and practically ran into the ER. They led us into another room, and there I was sitting in a small room, waiting for what seemed like hours with my two year old son screaming like there’s no tomorrow. I stood up and pulled him into my arms. “It’s going to be alright Jake, you’re alright. You have to calm down man, you’re making it worse” although the truth is I’m the one that needs to calm down. I kept him in my arms and managed to calm him down a little. I don’t know why the fuck they’re making us wait so long, he’s a little kid, and he’s going crazy. He was pretty much done with the whole crying thing, at least for a little. He’s just pretty much panting right now, I wish there were something I could do. I wish Kim were here. She’d know what to do, she’d just hold him in her arms, use that soothing voice, and he’d be fine. I bet he doesn’t even have to be here, but he has a pretty big knot on his head, and I looks like he might need some stitches or something, but I’m no doctor. I went to reach for my cell phone to call her and noticed the bloodstain on my hooded sweatshirt. Great. Jacob grabbed onto my sweatshirt with a death grip and wiped the mixture of blood, tears, sweat, and snot off his face. Pick up the damn phone, “Hailey get down” she’s climbing on the bed, what the hell does she think we’re at a fucking playground?
“Hello?”
“Hey Kim” how the hell do I tell her? She’s going to be so pissed, “Alright I don’t want you to freak out or anything but…”
“What?”
She’s freaking out, it’s not working, “Jacob fell and…”
“What? What happened? I’m on my way, where are you? Is he ok? Tell him mommy’s going to be there, where are you? Is he ok? Justin talk to me damnit. Where is he?”
“He’s right here, calm down. We’re at the emergency room”
“Calm down? Are you kidding me? What are you doing at the emergency room? What’s happening?”
“He’s alright now, he’s just bleeding, and we’re waiting for the nurse to come in”
“Alright, we’re on our way” who’s we? I heard the phone click and took a deep breath
“Mommy’s coming Jake” he nodded his head and rested it on my chest. The poor kid must be so scared.
“So what do we have here?” the nurse asked as she walked into the room. It’s about damn time; “You want to put him up here?” I placed him on the bed and he started crying again so I picked him up and he stopped. It’s like he does with his mother… he’s finally getting used to me. “What happened buddy?” she asked as she started cleaning him up. He didn’t say anything, he’s shy I guess, he doesn’t like talking to people he doesn’t know. And I’m sorry but this girl can’t be over 12 herself, I think we need a nurse that actually knows what the hell she’s doing. We’re probably her first patients.
“He fell” I spoke up and he started crying again, “It’s alright Jake, don’t worry” well she’s fucking wiping his cuts, I don’t think that’s the best idea.
“Alright well we’re gonna have to take him to get some stitches for that lip”
“He needs stitches?” Shit Kim’s going to have my neck. I honestly should not be left alone with my own kids.
“Just a couple” she smiled, “Jacob sweetie you want to come with me?”
He shook his head and started crying, “Daddy come”
“You can get him set up”
“Come on Hailey” I said as she followed behind the nurse, and I behind her with Jacob in my arms.
“You can just sit him down here” the nurse said as another doctor came in, “Does he have any allergies?”
“No”
“We’re going to just knock him out so we can stitch it up. You guys can just wait outside, it won’t be long”
I hate leaving him but we have to. “Come on Hailey” we sat outside and waited, Hailey tapping her foot on the chair. I was tapping my fingers on the chair when I saw Kim walk in.
“Where is he? Where’s Jacob?”
“He’s in there getting stitches” she’s going to have a heart attack or something, I’ve never seen her freak out this much
“Stitches? Are you kidding me? What happened?”
“He fell”
“He fell? Justin how could you not watch him?” I already know it’s all my fucking fault please don’t bring that up, “No, I’m sorry it’s not your fault, he’s a kid, he falls” she paused and took a deep breath, “Where is he?”
“He’s in the back, just sit down, they’re taking care of him” she’s wearing a pair of short shorts and a bikini top. She’s so fucking hot. Ok why am I thinking about this when my own son is in the other room getting stitches? I looked up and saw a bunch of other guys in the waiting room looking at her the same way I was. I took off my sweatshirt and handed it to her
“Thanks” she said as she pulled it over her shoulders and walked right back to one of the rooms
“Ma’am” one of the nurses said as she stood up and followed her
“It’s ok I’m a nurse”
“Then you’re aware of the policy that we can’t let anyone back there”
“Right, but I’m a nurse”
“I’m sorry”
“Oh give me a break, I need to go see my son” she’s really getting pissed. I’ve never seen her get this upset
“Ma’am, you can’t…”
“For Gods sakes let me see my damn son”
“Come on Kim, it’s all right” I grabbed onto her arm and led her back to those uncomfortable chairs. She’s shaking, she’s worse than me, “It’s alright baby, he’s fine,” I said as I rubbed her leg that was shaking frantically.
Rachael left with Hailey to get some hot chocolate when the nurse came out, “You can go in and see him now. He’s still groggy and everything, but he’ll be back to his normal self in no time”
“Are you fucking kidding me, she’s the nurse?” Kim whispered to me as we walked behind her
I laughed, “What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s like 12”
“She’s not 12” I laughed
“Ok maybe 22, she’s too young”
“Too young? If I remember correctly you were about 22 when I had you as a nurse”
“Exactly my point. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when you came in”
“What?” I stopped in my tracks, “Are you serious?”
She laughed and grabbed onto my arm and pulled me into the room, “Come on”
“No, seriously you didn’t know what you were doing?”
“Of course I did, I was just kidding” she gave me a look that told me for sure she was lying. Good to know that now. She had no idea what the fuck she was doing when I broke my foot.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
“Oh God, Jacob sweetie” I sat down at the foot of the bed and picked him up in my arms. Oh my God, look at him. He’s got a big ol’ bump on his head, and his little lip has two stitches
“Mommy” he whined and I held him tightly in my arms, I’m not letting him go.
“It’s alright baby, I’m here now” I touched the bump gently, he’s ok, before I looked away his eyes were closed and he was sleeping again, I just want to get out of here, “What happened?”
“He was running around having one of those tantrums he seems to have so often” he paused, “Well at least he does with me, I’m sure he doesn’t with you”
I laughed, he seriously thinks I have like this special power over the kids that they are always little angels with me, “Of course he does that with me, he’s two. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. If you just count down from five by the time you get to one he’ll be sitting down like a little angel”
“Good to know” he said with a smile. I guess I should have told him that before. “Well anyway, he was running around then I heard a bang and saw him on the ground screaming with blood all around him”
I nodded my head, these things happen. But damn it’s so scary when they do; Rachael opened the door and came in with Hailey holding a little cup of hot chocolate, “Mommy”
“Hey baby” I smiled as I hugged her tightly, it’s so good to see her again.
I’m actually happy this happened so I could see them. That’s sad.
“I’m going to get going” Rachael said as she hugged me quickly before heading to the door, “I’ll talk to you later Kim. Oh and don’t you have something to tell Justin?” she asked with a smug smile on her face. I can’t believe she just brought that up. That’s the last thing I want to tell Justin right now.
I gave her a death stare and she laughed as she walked out of the room, “Bye Rachael, thanks”
“What do you have to tell me?”
“Nothing, are you ready to go Ms. Hailey?”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here, this place gives me the heebie-jeebies” Justin said in a silly voice making Hailey giggle. He’s so cute.
“What’s a hib-a-jib-a?”
Justin laughed as he picked up Hailey in his arms, “A hib-a-lee-dib-a-lee-doo”
Hailey giggled, “Daddy you’re silly”
“I’m silly Ms. Hailey bear I think you’re the silly one” he laughed as he tickled her. I love the way they are together; he’s so good with the kids. I could sit and watch the way they interact all day. We walked out of the hospital each of us with a kid in our arms and placed them both in the back seat of the Escalade. “Sorry I interrupted your time at the beach”
“Oh no are you kidding? I would have been upset if you didn’t,” I said seriously looking him in the eye. Plus I’m really thankful it happened when it did, let me get away from what was actually going on, so I could at least step away from that part of reality for a little.
“They miss you a lot”
“Of course they do, they’re my babies,” I said with a smile causing him to laugh. His mother says that every time she sees him and he says how much he missed her
“You hungry?” he asked as checked the clock on the dashboard and then pulled into the Wendy’s drive-thru. 1:49… we just made it.
“Yeah, starving”
“Alright I need a number 7 with no mayo or onions” he paused as he looked at the menu, “And a number 6, uh diet coke with both” he looked in the rearview to see both the kids fast asleep, “And uh… give me a large Frosty too, you want one?” I shook my head, “Yeah just one then” as he drove up to the window he leaned to the side and I grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and handed him the money. Once we got the food he parked the car so we could eat, “Oh hell they forgot my change”
“It was two dollars” I said with a chuckle, “You’re so cheap”
“I’m not cheap, I’m thrifty”
“Sure, the kid is getting like 5 bucks an hour let him keep those extra two” he laughed as he handed me my burger.
I took a bite and Justin looked over at me and laughed, “You got ketchup on your shirt” he paused, “Well my shirt. I think its ketchup it might just be blood”
I laughed as I looked down, “I think it’s a little bit of both. God, I’m such a scrub, wearing your old sweatshirt with bloodstains on it. Like white trash or what?”
“You’re beautiful” that was sweet. I smiled as he stole one of my French fries. I grabbed a spoonful of his Frosty
“Are the kids being good for you?”
“Yeah, much better now”
“Good” I paused as he took a bite of his sandwich, “Oh did you get the chicken sandwich?” he nodded his head, “Can I have a bite?”
He held it over to me, “There’s mayo on it”
“A lot?”
“No” he paused and opened it up, “Actually I don’t think there’s actually any on it, there’s supposed to be some on it”
I laughed as he held in up to my mouth and I took a bite. That is one good sandwich, “Ohhh that’s so good” he laughed, “You wanna switch?” he handed me the sandwich, “Are you sure? I mean”
“Take it,” I laughed as we switched sandwiches. He’s real good with that because every time he gets something I always end up liking his better. But I only took a couple bites of mine and he ate like half of his, so he gets more. I’m just making it sound better so I feel better about stealing his food.
He started driving again, “So are you going to just come back to the house tonight or what?”
“Oh no, all my stuff is at the beach house” why did I just say that? Are you serious Kim, wake up. He seriously just asked me to come back home and I said no… um remember how I can’t sleep or do anything but think about him? It’s like I’m 19 or something and he asked me back to his place and I wasn’t going to go because I wasn’t planning on putting out, “I mean…”
“No, no it’s cool” he broke in… no I want to come home… he pulled into the driveway of the house
“Well goodnight” I smiled, “I’m going to take Jacob ok?”
“Yeah” he said as he got out of the car and helped me get Jacob out of the car seat
“I’ll return him tomorrow” I smiled, “You want me to take Hailey too?”
“No, I’m fine”
“Are you sure? Do you want a night to yourself or something, I really don’t mind”
“No, it’s good” he nodded his head and we both stood in silence for a couple seconds, all I wanted was for him to kiss me, “Alright, well goodnight”
“Goodnight” I said as I started to walk away, “I’ll see you tomorrow”
I watched her walk to the door, damn why did I let her just walk away? Why the fuck did I take her back here? I should have just taken her home. But she doesn’t want to come home. Why doesn’t she want to come home? Oh yeah maybe because I fucked around with Leah… I just want her to come home. She waved as she opened the front door, and her smile made me smile. I miss her so much and she’s right there. Isn’t that what they say… the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them. I now know exactly what that means. And she’s my wife; I should be able to have her whenever I want.
I drove off, back to the house, 20 minutes away. It’s so stupid that we’re in the same city living in different houses. I parked the car in the driveway and then got out to get Hailey, “Are you sleeping babygirl?” she moved around a little, making sure to keep her eyes shut. I laughed as I picked her up, she’s faking it, so she doesn’t have to walk in the house cause she’s a lazy girl. But I shouldn’t be talking; I used that trick for so long when I was a kid. The difference is my father would just leave me in the car, “Come on baby, you need to brush your teeth”
She let out a little sigh, “Do I hafta daddy I’m sleeping”
“Really quick, I’ll help you”
“But I’m tired”
“So am I” I said as I placed her on the bathroom sink and handed her the toothbrush, “We’ll do it together, here’s the rules, you start when I start and you don’t finish till I finish, you ready?” she looked at me like she was already asleep, I guess it’s not a good time for a little tooth brushing game, “Alright let’s go”
“Can we go to bed now?”
“Yup, let’s just wash your face real quick” I said as I wiped her face quickly with a facecloth, “And we’re ready to go, let’s go” I picked her up and laid her in her bed, “You tired Ms. Hailey?”
“I just want to go to bed Daddy” she whined
“I’m putting you to bed Hailey” I whined back, “This is the first time you’ve ever wanted to go to bed”
“Oh no” she sat up, “We forgot Jacob!”
“Oh no! Where do you think we left him? At the store?”
“We gotta go find him daddy, he was bleedin’”
“He’s with Mommy silly, don’t worry. He’s fine”
“Oh” she paused and laid down again, “I want to go with Mommy too”
“You want to leave me?”
“No I want you to come too”
I stood up and kissed her forehead, “Get some sleep” I walked into my room and took a deep breath before falling on my bed, this is really ruining her life. We’re going to mess her up in the long run. This is so stupid. I need to get my ass in gear and apologize or do something. As I continued looking up at the ceiling I heard the phone ring, “Hello”
“Hey Justin” I heard her voice, she was really quiet, like something was wrong, “Were you sleeping?”
“No, we just got in” there was no response from her, “Is everything alright?”
“Oh yeah, everything’s fine” she said and then was quiet for a couple seconds.
“Ok” I paused, “So what’s up?”
“Nothing” ok. So you called me…why?
“Are you sure everything’s ok?”
“Oh yeah totally, sorry” she laughed that nervous laugh she has, something’s going on, “I just have to tell you something”
“OK”
“I um…” this can’t be good, “I… I think…” she just stopped
“Yeah?” come on Kim, it’s late spit it out.
“I have your sweatshirt” she said quickly, “I forgot to give it back”
“It’s ok, I’ll get it tomorrow”
“Oh yeah right, tomorrow. Alright well goodnight Justin”
“Goodnight Kim” and with that she clicked the phone. Alright I don’t know what that was all about but there was obviously something else she wanted to tell me. I hate that she gets nervous talking to me, that’s never happened before. The phone rang again, “Hey”
“Hey, I’m sorry Justin that’s not what I wanted to tell you”
“Yeah, I hoped it wasn’t” I said with a slight chuckle
“Alright look, well what I’m going to tell you is probably going to like catch you off guard. And no matter what I say I don’t want you to be worried or anything, and I especially don’t want you to change your mind about whatever it is that’s going to happen with us” she said quickly
“Meaning?”
“I don’t know. Just don’t think too much about it I guess” she paused, “I’m just telling you this because I know I have to but I really wish I could wait a little to tell you, but I know I have to tell you now” she went on rambling
“Just say it Kim’”
“I think… well I could be… I think that… no I know… well I don’t really know for sure, like it’s not completely positive but it’s pretty close”
“Spit it out Kim”
“I might be pregnant”
“What?”
“I think I’m pregnant again. We’re going to have another baby” she paused for a second, waiting for me to say something but I couldn’t get anything out, “I mean, I’m not completely positive, I took the test but it could be wrong”
“Have you been to the doctor yet?”
“No” she paused, “That’s what I mean, I’m not that sure”
“Well you have to go to the doctor, tomorrow” she had a lot of problems when she was pregnant with Jacob and we can’t go through that again, “Do you hear me Kim? We’re going to go tomorrow, I’ll come with you if you want”
“No Justin, see I knew you’d get all worried. It’s not that big of a deal, like it’s not even true it can’t be.”
“Why can’t it be true?”
“Well because” she paused, “When’s the last time we even….”
“When I got back?” I paused, “Alright look Kim I don’t really care if you think it’s not true or whatever but we’re going to the doctors tomorrow just to be safe” I waited for her to say something but she didn’t, “Kim” nothing, “Kim are you still there?”
“Yeah” she said softly
“Alright, just get some sleep I’ll see you tomorrow”
Author's Notes:
I thought I added this before but it doesn't seem to be up there so... sorry if it's a repeat haha Thanks for reading :)
I woke up to hear Jacob crying and a smile came over my face. Not that he was crying of course but that he was here, “What’s the matter baby?” I asked as I walked in the room and he stopped crying, he probably just had no idea where he was, “How are you feeling?”
He smiled when he saw me, “Mommy wanna play?”
I laughed as I held him in my arms and kissed his forehead, “Yes I do but I want you to tell me how you feel first”
“Good let’s play!”
“What do you want to play?”
“Spider Man!” he said as he opened his mouth wide and giggled
“Ok well how about this… we’re going to get you some ice for that head, then give you your medicine and then make some yummy pancakes and then we’ll play?”
“No” he shook his head, “First we play then yummy pancakes, no ice”
“Umm no” I laughed as I picked him up and walked into the kitchen, “First pancakes”
“Ok” he said as I put him down and he started to walk out of the room, “I go get Hailey”
“Hailey’s not here silly”
He stopped in his tracks for a couple seconds and then turned around, “Where she go?”
“She’s with Daddy”
“Where daddy?” he asked, scrunching his eyes up
“Oh silly” I laughed as I got out the things to make pancakes, “Come sit” he sat and I heard the door open, “Who’s that?”
“Mommy!” I heard Hailey scream as she came running into the room
“Baby girl” I smiled as I picked her up and kissed her forehead, “What are you guys doing here?”
“We have to go to the doctor” Justin said as I took a deep breath, why won’t he just drop it?
He’s so stubborn sometimes, “We can’t bring the kids”
“I’ve got it covered,” he said with a smug smile as he took a bite of the pancakes I put in front of him
I shook my head; “I’m not leaving them with Trace”
“Neither am I” he smiled when Lonnie walked into the kitchen
“Sorry to just barge in, but no one was answering the door” he said with a smile, “How are you doing sweetie?” he asked me as he gave me a great bear hug, I can not even explain how happy I was to see him.
“Good, it’s so good to see you, how are you?”
“Good” he smiled as Justin grabbed onto my arm
“Alright everyone’s good, let’s go”
“Wait I didn’t even eat breakfast”
“We’ll get something”
“I need to clean up”
“You’re stalling” I’m not stalling…
“I’ll clean up, go Kim” Lonnie said with a smile, oh no he’s on Justin’s side too? I think I’m the only one on my side right now
“Well I have to get them ready” I said as I walked over to Jacob
“Mommy go” even Jacob wants me to go
“Alright, I’m going” I said as I gave them each a kiss, “Bye guys, be good for Lonnie”
“They’re going to be angels let’s go” Justin grabbed onto my arm and practically dragged me to the car
“This is so stupid we’re just wasting a whole day” he just looked at me and smiled, “I’m serious”
“Why are you so stubborn?”
“I’m not. It’s a waste of the whole day”
“Oh did you have something more important to do? Like sit down at the beach or something?” he asked with that smug smile on his face
“Or play with my kids”
“You can play with them when we get back” he looked at me as he stopped at a red light
“No I can’t, you’re going to take them away” he looked back at the road and continued driving when I realized what I had actually said, “Wait, I didn’t mean…” he just nodded his head and we continued the rest of the way to the doctors in silence. We walked inside and waited for what seemed like forever for the doctor to actually see us. It’s always this place, when it’s such a life-changing event that you’re waiting to find out. I don’t know why we’re here it’s not happening. I think I would know if there was something growing inside of me. I knew with Hailey, I knew with Jacob, I’d know with another one.
“Mr. And Mrs. Timberlake” the nurse said as we followed her into room where we were left alone, waiting for the actual doctor to come in. I sat down on a chair with my arms crossed
“I can’t believe you’re acting so stubborn about this”
“Oh I’m sorry, I should be happy to spend the day with you in this doctors office waiting to find out the answer to something I already know”
“Yeah, because this is how I want to spend my day too” he said defensively, I guess I shouldn’t have said the part about how I don’t want to spend the day with him, even though I didn’t mean it that way
“Then why are we here?”
“Because it’s better to be on the safe side”
“Oh right totally” I said sarcastically, “Then after this let’s stop by your doctor and see if you have diabetes, just to be on the safe side” he took a deep breath and I continued, “Come to think of it we really should get you checked for some STDs while we’re here. I mean let’s face it, we know Leah isn’t the cleanest person in the world”
“God Kim”
“God is right” I broke him off, “You better get on your knees and pray boy that you don’t have any diseases, we should have got you checked earlier” I said as I grabbed a handful of M& Ms from the bowl on the counter
“I’m just going to pass this whole conversation off as stress and not take anything you’re saying seriously”
“Well maybe you should” I said seriously when the door opened and the doctor walked in
“How are you guys doing?” the doctor said with a huge smile. I didn’t even look at her, this is so stupid.
“We’re good” Justin answered as I stuffed more M&Ms in my mouth
“Great” she smiled when I looked at her, “Well we’re just going to run some tests and we’ll find out if you’re going to have another addition”
After all those tests were done she left the room, leaving Justin and I alone, once again, “You’re acting like a 10 year old” I didn’t even look up at him to acknowledge his comment. I don’t care if I’m acting stupid; this is a waste of time.
“She’s going to come in here and say that we’re stupid and I’m not pregnant and that we’re wasting our day…”
“Alright then, I’ll be ready for that conversation” he paused, “I think you’re pregnant”
I gave him a look like he’s crazy and rolled my eyes, “Well next time you have a baby inside you and can tell me what it feels like then you can tell me you think we’re pregnant”
He laughed a little and threw his head back, “You’ll be the first one I tell” I rolled my eyes, “Where’s your insurance card? She’s going to need it”
“In my wallet” I said as I changed back into my clothes
“What the hell is this?” he asked softly and I turned around to see him holding the card of that guy on the street.
“It’s nothing”
“Nothing? You have another guys number in your purse”
“It’s just a card”
“Just a card?” he shouted, now he’s getting angry, “Kimberly there is another guy’s number in your purse” he repeated once again
“You definitely should not be casting stones on this matter” how the hell is he going to get mad because I have some random guys number in my purse when he was in much more than just Leah’s purse.
He took a deep breath and started pacing around the room, “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. It’s a number”
“Are you dating?”
“No” how could he even ask me that, “We’re still married. I don’t cheat. Which is more than I can say for you”
He let out a sigh; I don’t know if it was out of anger or relief. I can not believe he’s going to accuse me of dating someone when he was fucking around with his opening act, “Are a lot of guys giving out there number to you?”
“Yeah, thank god you only found that one. I have a whole collection at the beach house” I answered sarcastically
“I’m being serious Kimberly,” he answered quietly, looking up at me for the first time in awhile
“Are you getting worried?”
“Yeah, I’m getting worried” he answered honestly which I did not expect. But it’s a good thing he’s getting worried. It’s good he knows that he’s not the only one in this relationship that has gotten offers. But some people know how to control themselves while other people don’t.
“Why?” I asked looking him directly in the eye, “We’re separated. You’re not supposed to care”
“Of course I care, are you serious?” he shouted and stopped when the doctor came in. He looked between the two of us without saying anything at first he needs to just tell me I’m not pregnant so we can go on our way
Here it comes… the one word that will change our lives forever…
“Congratulations” the doctor said with a smile, “The tests are positive, you are pregnant” I felt a smile cover my face… we’re going to have another baby. Before I could say anything Kim stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, “Is everything ok?”
“Oh yeah, everything’s fine” I paused as I stood up, “Thanks a lot” I said, unable to wipe the smile off my face
“Did you want to make an appointment for your next visit?”
“Um, we’ll call you I guess”
“Ok, just make sure we set something up in the next few weeks we want to make sure everything’s ok with her especially with the complications from the last…”
“Yeah, we will, thanks” I said as I made my way outside of the office, and jogged my way outside. I don’t know where she is… I looked around and saw her sitting down on a bench in front of the car and sat down next to her. She was bent over, with her head in her lap, crying like she had just found out Santa wasn’t real, “It’s ok” I said as I sat down next to her, I wanted to hold her in my arms but I don’t think that would have helped at this point
“No it’s not”
“Yeah, of course it is” I paused, “Baby, we always wanted a big family”
“Not now though, oh God not now” she paused as she continued crying, “This is like the worse possible time”
“No it’s…”
She sat up and looked right at me and wiped her eyes, “I don’t want this to change anything”
“What are you talking about?”
“If you’re going to leave me I want you to still do it. I don’t want you to stay with me because of this baby because if we won’t be happy it’s not worth it. I don’t want this to change anything”
“Kim, I…”
“No, just… promise me it’s not going to change anything”
I nodded my head, “I promise”
She nodded her head, “Ok” she paused and for a few minutes we sat in silence. I placed my hand on her lap, “Let’s go home”
“Let’s go,” I said as I stood up and helped her to the car, opened up the glove compartment and handed her some Kleenex
“Thanks” she said softly and I nodded my head.
As we drove back to the house I kept sneaking a glance at her. She’s so upset, this is supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life and she’s crying because she’s upset… it’s supposed to be tears of joy. She always wanted a big family, at least three kids, maybe even four.
I love you Kim. I would never leave you; I want to be with you forever. That’s why I married you. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I can’t even imagine my life without you. You make my life worth living… now if only I could grow the balls to say it aloud
“It’s going to be alright,” I said as I rested my hand on her lap
She nodded her head and looked away from her window and wiped her eyes, “Can we drive around a little? I don’t want the kids to see me like this”
“Yeah” I said softly as I continued driving, “You know Kim, you could come home… I mean if you want to”
She shook her head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea” she paused, “I think we both have a lot of thinking we need to do” yes we sure do.
I nodded my head, “Alright” I paused, “so I’ll take the kids then?”
“Yeah” she said softly, “Do you mind? I just need some time alone”
“Oh yeah, of course” After driving around for awhile I parked in the driveway, “It’s going to be alright Kim”
She nodded her head, “Do I look alright? Like you can’t tell I was crying can you?” I shook my head as we walked to the door, “Ok just act like everything’s ok. Everything’s great. Everything’s wonderful” I don’t know why I have to act like that, everything is ok, everything is great. Everything is wonderful. We’re going to have another baby; I don’t think there’s anything more wonderful. We walked into the house and the kids came running up to us. We stayed for a little while and then left so Kim could be alone, she needs time alone.
“Daddy how come Mommy’s not coming home?” Hailey asked as she took off her jacket once we got in the house
“She’s really busy she needs to be alone for a little”
“Doesn’t she love us anymore?”
“Of course she does Hailey, you know that”
“I want mommy to come home,” Jacob said as he picked up a toy
“Me too” Hailey answered
“Me too” I said softly and took a deep breath, “OK, how about we get into our pajamas and then we watch some Sponge Bob”
I woke up I guess a few hours later to the phone ringing. “Hello?” I asked as I picked up the phone and turned off the now snowy television set as I climbed over the kids sleeping on the floor
“Hey, you were sleeping… I’m sorry”
“No, no it’s ok” I said as I walked upstairs, “What’s going on?”
“I couldn’t sleep” she paused, “There’s just so much going through my head right now” she paused again, “we need to figure out we’re going to do” And we did… well kind of. We spent the whole night talking, trying to come up with a solution to this insane problem. We have a lot to take into consideration, what’s best for us, what’s best for the kids… and we need to tell them.
Author's Notes:
Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing... it makes my life :0)
The next night Kim came over so we could sit down and actually talk to the kids for once. Although I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to be a talk they’re ready for. It’s going to kill them, but they need to know. As Kim walked into the house the kids went running to her, screaming her name, “My babies, I missed you,” she said as she kissed each of their foreheads and picked up Jacob, “Were you two good for Daddy?” she asked and they nodded their heads, “Come on Hailey, let’s go in the living room, Daddy and I have to tell you two something”
“We’re getting a puppy?” Hailey practically started to jump up and down… calm down there little one
Kimberly laughed slightly as she sat down on the couch, “No”
“Oh” Hailey said as she sat down next to her mother, “Can we though?”
“No Hailey, stop” I said as I sat down on the chair across from the couch
“Well why not?” she crossed her arms, “All my friends have puppies”
“Like who?” I asked crossing my arms
“Everyone” she paused, “And it’s not fair I really want one, I’ll take good care of it and everything”
“The answer is no Hailey, now stop. Mommy and I need to talk to you guys”
Everyone was quiet for a couple seconds, “Kim”
“Oh yeah, right” she said softly as she played with Jacob’s hair, “Ok, now before we say anything, you two know that we love you right? No matter what we love you two more than anything. And we’ll always be here for you even if we’re not in the same house” she began as she started to get teary eyed
“What Mommy means is that we love you two more than anything and nothing could ever change that”
“You guys know that right?”
“Mommy why are you crying?” Hailey asked and then looked over at me nervously
“Mommy, no cry” Jacob said as he stood up on her lap and wiped her eyes
“No, no I’m not” she said as she kissed his forehead and sat him back down, “Thank you baby”
We should just tell them, it’s making it worse for everyone if we keep dragging it out
“OK” I said as I took a deep breath, “I know you guys are wondering why we’re” I paused; I don’t know where I’m going with this. How am I supposed to explain to them why we’re living at different houses when I don’t even know?
“Well why we went out today and you guys stayed with Lonnie” Justin said after seeing me struggle
“No” Hailey said as she moved over to Justin’s lap, “Uncle Lonnie tolded us you went to the doctors”
“You needed a checkup,” Jacob said with a smile
“No” I smiled, “Well yeah kinda” I said as I played with Jacob’s hair, “We’re going to um… have a little addition to our family”
“What’s a little addition?”
“Another person” Justin said, “There’s going to be another member of our family”
“We ARE getting a doggie” Hailey jumped up on Justin’s lap
“No, we’re not getting a dog Hailey sit down” Justin laughed
“How come?” she pouted, “How about a cat?”
“How about no”
“A hamster?”
“No sir”
“A bunny?”
“No hunny”
“A birdie?”
“No” Justin said with a chuckle, “Nothing, would you stop and listen to your mother?”
“A baby” I said with a smile, “You’re going to have a little brother or sister”
“That’s it?” Hailey asked as she stood up, “Again?”
“Again” Justin laughed
“Cool” she said as she walked over to the television, “Can we watch Sponge Bob now?”
I laughed as she put the DVD in. I can’t believe she’s not making a big deal out of this. I really thought she would. Jacob on the other hand, “So what do you think Jacob?”
He took a deep breath, “When’s she comin? Tomorrow mornin huh? Do we haveta clean my room?”
“No” I laughed, “Baby she or he is not coming for awhile”
“Oh” he paused and threw his hands up, “OK den, I take good care of her”
“Ok, I know you will” I smiled and hugged him tightly, “I love you so much Jacob”
“I love you too Mommy”
I woke up to a dark house, the only light from the snowy television set in front of me. I looked over to the clock, 1:30. How did I fall asleep? I stood up and made my way into the dark kitchen where Justin was standing in front of the stove cooking something, “What are you doing up?”
“It’s only one,” he said not turning away from the stove
“Oh yeah, that’s right” he doesn’t sleep at normal hours, I guess it’s from all that touring time
“What are you doing up?” he asked as he placed an egg and cheese sandwich in front of me
“I don’t know” I paused, “I don’t know what I was doing sleeping”
He laughed slightly and sat down next to me, “You fell asleep during Sponge Bob”
“Uh I hate that movie,” I laughed as I cut my sandwich, “I’m seriously never going to forgive my parents for buying them that”
“I’m surprised you still talk to them” he said with a chuckle, “I say we get rid of it”
“We can’t just throw it away”
“Of course we can”
“But they love it too much”
“So” he laughed, “We’ll just say Hailey lost it”
“No” I laughed, “We’ll get them new movies”
“Ok, we need to do that” he said as he took a bite of his sandwich
“Remember before we got married when being up this late was normal.
And you’d make me this sandwich every night, after a show or after the night out” I felt myself smile. It used to be an everyday occurrence. These sandwiches are so good. After a night out or something, especially after he had a show, we’d come home, or back to the hotel in many cases, and eat egg and cheese sandwiches, drink orange juice, and stay up all night talking about nothing and laughing about everything
“Yeah” he laughed, “I miss those days”
“Yeah, me too”
There were a few minutes of awkward silence, “So are you feeling better with everything?”
“Yeah a little, thanks” I paused as I took a sip from the orange juice in front of me, there were a few more seconds of silence
“Well I think it’s a good thing”
I nodded my head, “Well I should probably get going”
“Why don’t you just stay? You’re already here, it’s late”
“No it’s ok” I said as I stood up, “But I will take this with me” I smiled as I grabbed the sandwich, “Thanks, I’ll see you later”
“Yeah, alright” he said as he followed me to the door, “Tomorrow? I mean I’ll see you tomorrow”
I nodded my head, “Bye”
I didn’t get much sleep that night. I haven’t got much sleep for the past month come to think about it. I guess I fell asleep for a couple minutes on the couch because I woke up to the sound of someone banging on the side door. I walked over and saw Rachael standing there, “Hey”
“Sleeping? At 3 o’clock in the afternoon? Crazy night?” she said with a grin
“Yeah something like that” I said as I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee, “What’s going on?”
“Just thought I’d stop by and see how everything went”
I shrugged as I played with the rim of the mug, “We’re getting a divorce”
“What?”
I nodded my head, “I think we’re going to… I mean we have to do what’s best”
“Ok wait, why would you say that?”
“It’s been a month Rach” I took a sip of my coffee, “When people separate it’s for like a couple days, a week tops. Then they realize they can’t live without each other and get back together. But the fact is that we can live without each other. It’s not fun. It’s not exciting. But it’s bearable. It’s hard. It’s hard for me to deal with it, but obviously it’s not for him so… I guess that’s how it’s going to be”
“Kim”
“It’s just hard because… well when I got married I never thought I’d be lonely again. It’s scary to think that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life”
“It’s going to be ok Kim”
“I’m just afraid he’s going to want to stay together because of the baby. And that’s just going to make things harder…”
“Wait… so you went to the doctors?” she smiled and I nodded my head,
“And you’re pregnant” I nodded again, “Oh my God, I told you” she laughed, “Congratulations, that’s so great” she hugged me for what seemed like forever
“Yeah wonderful” I said sarcastically, “The best timing ever!”
“Well maybe it is” she paused, “Maybe it will make him come to his senses”
“I think I’m the one that needs to come to my senses”
“OK we have 10 new movies,” I said as we walked through the house, no more Sponge Bob, “What do you want to watch?”
“Sponge Bob!” Jacob screamed as he ran to the TV
“No” I said as I picked him up and dropped him on the couch, “No Sponge Bob, we have new movies,” I repeated. I don’t get what the big deal is with Sponge Bob. Not even to mention the fact that these kids watch way too much television.
He giggled as he stood up, “Sponge Bob 2?”
“No we didn’t get that” thank god, “Hailey what do you want to watch?” she crossed her arms and looked away from me, “Hailey”
“I’m not talking to you”
“Why not?”
“Cause I’m mad at you”
“Why are you mad at me?”
“Cause I wanted the Sponge Bob movie”
“Hailey we have 10 new movies. I’m pretty sure you’re going to find at least one of these that you’ll like better than Sponge Bob”
“No suh”
“Yeah” I said as I grabbed the movies, “Charlie Brown, Monsters Inc., Shrek, Finding Nemo, Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder”
“Bob the Builder” Jacob jumped up and started marching around the room, “Bob the builder can he fix it yes he can yes he can"
“Ok fine” Hailey said as she sat down, “Bob the Builder”
“Bob the Builder it is,” I said as I put the movie in. I got through the first five minutes before I started having second thoughts. What’s with these movies with characters named Bob? This is worse than Sponge Bob, what happened to the good shows? When I was a kid there were good shows on TV, Fraggle Rock, He-Man, Rainbow Bright, Punky Bruster, Pee Wee Herman for God’s sake…why don’t they have those shows anymore? No, now we get this shit, “Are you guys sure you don’t want to watch Finding Nemo? It’s really funny”
“Shh”
“Remember the part where Nemo tries to get out of the tank?”
“Daddy shh we’re watching Bob the Builder”
“What about Shrek though. You know there’s a poster of daddy on the wall”
“So”
“So?” I laughed, they don’t even care, why do I even bother, “So… well I guess nothing” I heard a nock on the door and went to answer it to see Rachael standing there, “Hey, Kim’s at the beach house”
“Yeah I know, I’m here to talk to you. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, yeah of course” oh shit, I’m in for it now “Do you want a drink or anything?”
“No thanks” she said as she pulled something out of her bag, “I bought the kids a movie, I don’t know if they like Sponge Bob, but the guy at the store said kids love it” I could see the picture of Sponge Bob before she even said it. WHY? Mental note: get rid of this guy at the store. I bet this punk ass kid thinks he’s funny selling all these damn Sponge Bob movies. At least Hailey won’t be mad at me anymore
“Yeah, thanks they love Sponge Bob” I said as I sat down at the kitchen table, “So what’s up?”
“What’s going on with you and Kim?”
Why is she asking me what’s going on with me and Kim, her best friend? Wouldn’t you think she should find that out from her best friend, “Uh… what do you mean?”
“Are you going to divorce her?” I think my mouth must have dropped, way to come right out and say it, “Are you?”
I cleared my throat, “I uh…”
“Yes or no Justin”
“Did anyone ever tell you that you should be a lawyer? I think you’re in the wrong profession Rachael,” I said with a slight chuckle trying to lighten the mood a little.
It didn’t work, she just stared right at me, no smile or anything, just those eyes staring right through me, “Are you or not?”
I took a deep breath and threw my head back; “Of course not” I paused, “Well… I don’t know. I don’t want to”
“Then don’t”
“It’s not that easy”
“Yes it is”
“Oh really” I laughed slightly, “Trust me, as someone who is going through it right now, easy is defiantly not something this whole situation is”
“And the hard part is?”
“Everything” I paused, “there’s a lot of shit to think about. I have to do what’s right for everyone. I have to do what Kim wants. I don’t want to be away from her, but obviously she’s fine with us being apart”
“What?”
“Oh please Rachael, I’ve asked her to stay home every night for the past week. And every night I get the same answer. If she wanted to be with me she would stay”
“You have got to be kidding me”
“I’ve tried to talk to her about it. Every time I say anything even remotely dealing with our relationship she leaves. I don’t want to divorce her but if it’s what she wants I have to do it. I’m not going to force her to be with me when she’s not going to be happy”
“You two seriously have to be the dumbest people I have ever met” she stood up, what the hell is she talking about?
“What?”
She laughed, “Did you ever think that maybe you should have this conversation that we just had with your wife? I’m pretty sure if you would tell her what you just told me then a couple things would be settled” she said as she grabbed her bag and walked to the door
“Rachael what are you talking about?”
“Your wife is sitting at your beach house, all alone, wondering what she did wrong to make her husband, the man she loves more than anything else in the world, want to divorce her. She is convinced she’s going to get a visit from your lawyer about a divorce, and contemplating the way she’s going to spend the rest of her life alone. Talk to your wife” she said before walking out the door.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for the wonderful feedback :)
I found myself sitting on the deck, listening to the waves crash on the beach a few yards in front of me. It is now pitch black, it seems as if the sky had just opened up, throwing buckets of rain on top of me. I moved over to the table where I sat under the umbrella, trying to get away from the rain that had already drenched me. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and held the warm cup of hot chocolate close to me. I need time to think, but that’s all I’ve had is time. My brain isn’t working anymore, there’s only so much I can think about, and I’ve done all that thinking the first two hours after we split. I want to be with him. I took a sip from the cup in front of me and rested my feet on the chair across the table. I really think we are going to get a divorce, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to deal with that. I can’t be away from my kids, even if it’s only a couple days a week. And I can’t deal with Justin being with other people. It’s like without him my life isn’t worth living. And it’s so sick that I feel that way. It’s not the 1950s anymore; I know physically I can survive without a man in my life. But mentally, I don’t know if I can survive without THAT man in my life. I need to just tell him everything I’m thinking. We’ve always been open, and able to discuss everything, but it’s like everything has changed. Neither one of us has really talked about this whole thing, and I mean really talk about it.
As if on cue Justin walked through the sliding glass doors behind me, “Hey” he said softly, sitting down next to me under the umbrella
I looked over at him, his hood was pulled over his face too, “Hey” I said looking out to the ocean, or into the darkness, “Where are the kids?”
“My mother’s watching them”
“Oh, I didn’t know she was here” I looked over at him and he nodded his head, looking out into the darkness. I hate this. I hate the way we’re hardly talking; it’s not supposed to be like this. We sat for a while, neither of us saying anything, or even looking at each other. He must have come for something, he’s probably thinking about how he’s going to tell me… something, either that he hates me or he loves me, I guess it’s fifty fifty. I took a deep breath after placing the cup of hot chocolate on the table, “Ok, this is stupid, we need to talk” I said as I looked over at him
He nodded his head and then moved his chair a little so he was facing me more, “I know. Look, Kim, I’m… um”
“No wait, let me go first please?” he nodded his head, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to sort all my thoughts out, although everything was a blur… ok here we go, “I have so much I want to tell you and I can’t remember any of it” I said as I dropped my head into my hands
“It’s ok”
“It’s ridicules is what it is” I took a deep breath, “I want to hate you so bad sometimes, but I can’t. Sometimes I just want to hate you so much but I can’t” oh great here come the tears, “And it sucks because sometimes Justin you do things that I should hate you for, or at least dislike you a real lot, and I never do. And it’s sick” I paused, “And I know you hate me sometimes and that sucks because I don’t hate you” what am I even saying? I don’t even understand myself
“Kim, I don’t hate you. I never have and I sure as hell never will” he rested his hand on my lap
“I know, I’m just…” I put my hand on his, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, I mean obviously, I honestly can’t find one good reason for us to divorce. Even though I know you have Leah, and she’s like everything you’ve ever dreamed of, but I can…”
“Wait, Kim, I don’t have Leah. It was a mistake, the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I think about that every day. I can’t hear her song on the radio or see her face in a magazine without wanting to shoot myself in the head” well that was kind of a relief, to actually hear it coming from his lips, “It makes me sick. I literally feel like I’m going to hurl when I hear anything about her”
I nodded my head and wiped my eyes before speaking again, “it’s just… like… what went wrong… it’s over, and it can be forgiven and forgotten. Because it’s not worth it… for me… without you it’s not even worth living” I said actually looking at him for the first time, “Sometimes, like when I’m sleeping, the few hours I actually sleep, I wake up and I’m crying, or I just scream out your name, like it’s all a nightmare or something, and all I want is for you to be there next to me.” I paused, the tears were now taking over, and I could hardly speak, “What right does she have to take you away from me? What gives her the damn right to take your heart away?”
“Oh shit Kim, it’s not like that” I looked over at him and saw a tear falling down his cheek, “my heart was not involved in that shit. Kimberly you’ve had my heart since the second I laid eyes on you, that was never a question”
“I can think of so many reasons for you to stay with me, I mean here’s two right off, and you know how much they love you. How can we tell them that you’ve changed your mind?”
“God Kim, are you even listening to me? I don’t know what else to say. I did not change my mind Kimberly. It was never like that, god” he said as he threw his head in his hands and took a deep breath, “I don’t know what else to say. It was the stupidest thing I’ve done in my life, at the time I wasn’t thinking. I hadn’t seen you in so long, I was lonely, and I’m not making excuses it’s just how it is. We were fighting, every time we were together or talked to each other it ended up with one of us screaming or hanging up the phone. It was me getting away from it or something, I don’t know. I still don’t know what the fuck I was doing I wish I did, I wish I thought about it before I ruined everyone’s lives”
“Yeah me too” I said as I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hands, “So why has it taken us so long to actually talk?”
“Because we’re both stubborn,” he said with a slight chuckle
I laughed a little and wiped my eyes again, “How are the kids? Jacob’s lip ok?”
“Yeah, they’re fine” we were both silent for a couple seconds, I hate the silence, “Ok I hate the silence” he said… ok apparently I’m not the only one
“I know me too, so now what?”
“I don’t know” he paused for a second and then moved his chair so he was facing me, “Alright well listen, I want you to take me back… and I promise that I’ll work less and spend more time at home and we’ll talk more” he paused again, “I’m not stupid, I’m realistic and I know that things are going to be hard, just like they always have been but we can make it through them just like we always have. We’ve never run away from things and I don’t know what happened to us to turn us both into Forrest Gump or something” he stopped and grabbed onto my hands, “But damnit Kimberly I love you so much. I don’t know how I’ve been able to live this past month without you. It’s been hell. You’re not the only one waking up in the middle of the night. Every damn night I wake up and wonder why I don’t hear you breathing next to me, half the time I fucking walk around the house looking for you” I felt myself smile, “I love you so much Kimberly. I’m so sorry, I can’t say it enough. We’re just being so stupid. I can’t even believe you think that I wouldn’t take you back. We’re in this whole ordeal because of me”
“Yeah but I thought you hated me” I stopped when I realized how stupid I was, “I just thought you were over it, you wanted to move on or something”
“Kim I could never hate you. I love you, I love everything about you. I love the way you are, I love the kids you’ve given me” he paused, “Damnit Kim will you just come home?”
Author's Notes:
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Here's the last chapter. Please let me know what you think of it and the story :0)
Enjoy!
“Daddy” I heard Hailey’s whining voice and looked up from the frying pan I was making her a grilled cheese in
“Hailey” I whined back
“I’m hungry”
“I’m working on it. Go get your brother”
“JACOB!” she screamed before pulling out the chair and sitting down
“I said go get him, I could have called him myself” she shrugged as I put the sandwich in front of her. Jacob came into the kitchen and sat down at the table, “Hi Jacob”
“Hi Daddy”
“Where have you been?”
“My room, cleanin’”
I laughed as I placed a sandwich in front of him, he’s been on quite the cleaning kick recently, “Do you have a lot more to do man?”
He nodded his head and then picked up the sandwich, looked at it, and then threw it down on the plate, “Cut it Daddy. I want a rocking chair and a corner”
“What?” what the hell does that mean?
“A rocking chair and a corner” he repeated as if the second time would make it clear to me. I looked over at Hailey for an explanation
“A rocking chair and a corner” now she’s saying it too, “Like this” she tried to show me by moving her hand around, although I still don’t get it, “Cut it like that”
“I don’t get it. What about four corners?”
“No”
“How about a sailboat? I could do a sailboat”
“Mommy always does a rocking chair and a corner”
“Well Mommy’s not here right now is she?” as if it’s not hard enough that Kim’s not here, these kids bring her up every damn minute
“Can we go see her?”
“No Babe” I said as I reached over Jacob and cut up his sandwich.
“Why not?”
“It’s too late. Eat your sandwiches, it’s time for bed”
“I’m not even tired” Hailey whined.
“Uncle Trace is going to come over and watch you guys. Daddy has to go out for a little”
“Where are you going?”
“I just have to go out for a little babe”
“We come?” Jacob asked
“No. You sleep. I go”
“That’s not fair Daddy” Hailey began, “We wanna come”
“You don’t even know where I’m going” If they knew where I was going they’d really be pissed. I hate having to explain everything to them. I know they’re my kids and that’s how it works, but I’ve been going through a stressful few months. I just need a few hours away from them.
I absolutely hate being alone. I’ve been alone for a long time as far as Justin goes, but at least I had my kids. Now I don’t even have them. I’m seriously driving myself crazy. I’ve been looking at the crack in the ceiling for the past two hours. I can hear every single sound in this place and it’s driving me insane. Everything is driving me insane.
The door opened and he walked in. For the first time all day I felt like maybe I could make it through this. Just seeing him makes me feel so much better, “How are you feeling?” he asked as he kissed me softly and sat down in the chair next to my bed.
“I’m bored out of my mind, I’m going crazy”
He laughed and grabbed onto my hand, “OK. But I mean how are you feeling? Sick? How’s that baby inside your stomach?”
“Huge. I’m so huge. I wasn’t this big with Jacob”
Justin laughed as he rubbed my stomach, “Yes you were. When you were pregnant with Jacob you said you weren’t that big with Hailey but you were. How are you feeling?” he repeated
“I’m fine. I feel fine that’s why I’m ready to go home. I don’t think I need to stay here”
“The doctor things you need to stay in the hospital so you’re staying” he said in a very fatherly tone
“How are the kids?”
“Fine, they miss you”
“You should have brought them”
“Then need to sleep Kim. They were just here a couple hours ago”
“I know but I miss them already”
“I know you do” he answered with a smile, “But I snuck you in some food” he said as he pulled out a bag from Wendy’s
“I love you,” I said seriously. I do love him. And it helps that he’s bringing me Wendy’s. I’m craving that stuff so bad and the hospital food just isn’t cutting it.
He smiled, “I also got you some magazines and Suzuki”
“I really do love you”
“I love you too”
“I’d love you even more if you’d stay here with your fat wife”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said as I moved over and he lay on the bed with me. One of the perks of being married to Justin Timberlake is that I have this special room with a normal size bed, and it’s even comfortable.
“Are you going to stay all night?”
“I can”
“What about the kids?”
“Trace will stay over”
“OK” she whispered as I lifted up her shirt to see her stomach
“When are you going to push this kid out?”
“I know, I feel like he’s never going to come out”
“He huh?”
Kim nodded her head; she is convinced the baby is going to be a boy. I have a feeling it’s going to be a girl. But as Kim says, the baby is in her body and she knows. We’ll see about that. She was right with Hailey and Jacob, but that doesn’t mean anything. I have to be right at least once.
“Let’s try to sleep, I’m tired”
“Me too. Good night Justin, I love you”
“I love you too” I kissed her forehead, “Goodnight Kim. Just try not to roll over in the middle of the night and crush me to death”
I heard her laugh as I turned the light off, “Shut up, that’s horrible”
“You could though, I’m just looking out” I laughed, “I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father. It would be horrible if you had to explain to them that you killed me in a freak rolling over accident”
“Stop”
I kissed the back of her neck and tried to wrap my arms around her but that wasn’t happening, “I can’t even put my arms around you”
“Would you stop, it’s not my fault” she laughed as she held out her arm, “Here, have an arm”
“It’s not the same”
“Then get longer arms or something. Not my problem”
“I could do that. You need to just get this kid out”
“Alright, I’ll start pushing right now” she answered sarcastically
“You know, they say sex induces labor”
She laughed, “They also say pineapple and castor oil does”
“Yeah, too bad we don’t have any pineapple and castor oil”
“How would you suggest that we have sex? I would crush you. You would be a foot above me”
“We’ll figure something out”
“You have got to be the only man that’s horny when he’s visiting his thousand pound pregnant wife in the hospital” she giggled
“Nah, I’m trying to get this baby out” she can call my bullshit all she wants. There’s just something about her when she’s pregnant.
“I’m gross”
“You’re sexy as hell are you kidding? You’re so sexy when you’re pregnant”
“Really?” she turned around so she was facing me
“Really. The sexiest ever… besides our wedding night” I saw her smile, “With that garter and those heels and that lingerie… oh shit”
She laughed, “I think you’re sexy when you’re just plain. And when you have you’re hair like that” she ran her hands through my hair, “And when you shave it's like… orgasmic” she giggled as she ran her hands down my stubble
“I have sensitive skin, I can’t shave all the time”
“I know, I know” she smiled, “I love you Stomp”
“I love you too Kim”
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.