A Shrouded Love

Your grace and beauty has befallen me,
as I embrace a love unspoken.
I cannot bear to think how you feel of me,
for I fear my heart will be broken.

You deserve all that you desire,
whatever it may be.
My knees they start to weaken,
as my love for you flows free.

I sneak peeks at him everyday but he never notices me. The exuberant emotions I bare towards him are far more than I can handle and are very unprofessional. I dream about this man every night in hopes that one day he'll acknowledge my presence or at least get my name right, but to no avail.

Everyday it's the same with him. He'll waltz in late for what ever board meeting he has to attend. He'd pause at my desk for a few seconds to ask if there are any messages or calls for him which most times I reply no, because his regular clients know better than to call him at the office when he's hardly ever there. That's why he has his cell attached to his hip like it's part of his gorgeous body. Then, he'll mutter a morning and call me the first name that comes to mind. I've never corrected him on that slip up in fear of getting fired for back talking or something. Last week it was Nora, Monday it was Dora, Tuesday it was Marva and Today it was Laura. But I'm not complaining. I mean why should I? I'm just going to waste away in my little cubicle until one day he gets fed up of me and hires someone more ‘tasteful' to his liking or pleasure.

I'm pathetic right? Yeah I know, but it's not intentional. I mean I don't blame him for never paying me any mind. I'm not much to look at. At 5'9 I'm just another African American ‘big girl'. I'd like to think my height hides my true weight, but I still have some extra meat on my bones as apposed to the average woman that's clearly visible. I have one of those big round butts and full d cup breasts. My thighs, although they are firm, are still big...even huge in my eyes. Guys say I'm curvaceous or thick. But I say I'm hideous and fat. I blame my family genes, since eating is not the issue. I eat healthy and I go to the gym four times a week, but the weight doesn't melt off the way I'd like it to. I'm Copper brown in complexion, so I'm not really dark, just a smooth brown. I have kinky, curly jet black hair that falls to my shoulders, but I always gel it and tie it up into a bun. I have to stay professional of course. But as you can tell, even by my efforts of attempting to describe a somewhat appealing woman, I've fallen short. I'm just not a ‘looker' and he knows it.

It wasn't always like this. When I got this job for receptionist/secretary, I was ecstatic because I knew I'd be meeting many famous and influential people. But after a while, the job became dull, boring and very monotone. I mean, my life isn't exactly fantastic so I shouldn't be complaining. I have one close relative and sibling which is my older brother Malcolm. Our parents died when we were just children in a car accident. I was too young to really feel and understand the unbearable grief and despair, but I do have many memories of them. I don't have any other family really. I have no grandparents because they were dead even before I was born.

My dad was an only child and my mom only had one sister, Aunt Patrice, but I haven't seen or heard from her in years. She lives somewhere in the Caribbean so all I ever receive are the occasional post cards on how she's doing with her husband and baby son Jordan. After the death of her sister (my mother), she took care of Malcolm and I until he was old enough to take care of me, then she fell in love with a white man and eloped, moving to the Caribbean with him where he owned a Yacht company. That's all there really is to this story.

The point is, my life consisted of basically school, and working two extra jobs to help my bother pay off the bills and rent for the small apartment we were sharing here in Florida. Not having much of a choice, he decided to enroll in the police academy to become an officer of the law. I've always bugged him about that though. But, it's good to have him there to protect me, even though he usually shouts all these rules and laws I'm breaking on a regular basis. It's really annoying let me tell you, but I love him so I tolerate it.

I majored in English literature and psychology. Messed up majors right? What could I possibly do with them you ask? Well, I dreamt of being a psychologist my whole life, because the human mind is the most fascinating thing to me, but after I graduated, finding jobs were almost impossible. Plus, I still had some more schooling to take if I wanted to be a psychologist. So instead, I took up receptionist and secretary jobs until I landed that very title here at Tennman records. It's only a branch of the main office in California, but I get the pleasure of seeing the owner slash CEO almost every day since he moved down here to Florida for a while to work with some new up and coming artist.

I guess when the boredom of this routine job engulfed me, completely taking over my senses, that's when my mind began to drift. I'd daydream a lot about living a different life...A glamorous, hectic, flexible life, where I am my own boss. Speaking of bosses, that's how my current ‘infatuation' with my boss started. I'm sure you've figured it out already, that none other than Justin Randall Timberlake is regrettably my employer and nothing more. He was the perfect target to my ideal fantasies. Because, that's all they were...fictional, unrealistic fairy tales.

But, I'm not mad, because it keeps me preoccupied most of the day and helps the time fly by quicker. Besides, I think the women in my family have a thing for white men. My aunt's married to one, and my dad was half white. Whatever it is, Justin is my fetish and secret guilty pleasure. That's all he's ever going to be and I can live with that. It's better to have an imaginary boyfriend than none at all in my case...gosh I'm so sad and pathetic it's amazing. But I love getting lost in my sinful thoughts of him and all the things I'd like him to do to me.

I think I dream about him too much, because it feels like I can almost hear his smooth sexy voice filter through my state of consciousness.

Wait scratch that, because I'm most definitely awake, sitting at my desk and I can still hear him calling out to me. But his tone is not as sultry as I'd like it to be. It's rough, and harsh and irritable....

"Laura! Can you hear me? Are you even listening? What is wrong with you?"

Snapping out of my daze and crashing back to reality, I slowly lift my head to see the object of my desire steaming at the ears and practically foaming at the mouth as he keeps his intense gaze on me. Gulping down hard, I lick my partially dry lips, trying to clear my thoughts of how good and edible he must look naked under that black Armani suit he's wearing.

"Huh?" Is all I manage to choke out and he rolls his eyes at me, letting out a displeased groan.

"Why are you so incoherent? I've been trying to get your attention for a while now." He snaps, elbows propped up on my desk, still enraged by my lack of focus and compliance. I had to smirk at the getting my attention part. I guess the tables were turned for a split second and he felt my frustration from him always ignoring me even though it's under different circumstances.

"I'm sorry Mr. Timberlake." I lament, bowing my head in shame.

"Now is not the time to be lazing around Laura. There is work to be done." His temper is slowly dissipating from his tensed masculine physic as he arches his brows at me.

"My apologies sir, I must have spaced or zoned out for a brief moment." I apologize yet again. I really need this job, and I don't want to get fired because I'm obsessing over him. He doesn't need to know any of that.

Still studying me with his eyes, he shrugs lightly, pushing his cell into his pocket. "Maybe you don't have enough work to do around here which is why you can find free time to day dream. What were you even thinking about that has you so disoriented anyway?"

You. Everything about you. You and I...doing unspeakable things to each other... "It's nothing sir." I reply, noting the curiosity that's twinkling in his eyes. He's never stayed and talked to me this long before. I guess what ever he needs to discuss with me is important. I wish he'd just get on with it.

"Fine. Well, the new artist I'm working with is coming in today. Her name is Yolanda and I want you to be respectful and courteous to her. When she gets here give her the studio schedule I asked you to prepare yesterday and explain it briefly to her, then usher her into my office and I'll deal with the rest." He demands and I nod in agreement. It irks me that he remembers everyone's name except mine. I may be ‘invisible' in his eyes but I'm still human.

"Ok sir I'll make sure to do that." I affirm.

"Good. That would be all." He moves to leave but stops abruptly contemplating on something else to say. "Oh and Laura? Get some rest. You look flushed." He adds, causing me to instantly redden. This is so embarrassing. I can't believe I just blushed like that. I don't think he noticed, since he's already walking away from my desk.

I'm not sure what's come over me at this very moment, but I've mustered up an unknown courage I never knew existed and called out to my boss's retreating form.

"Mr. Timberlake?!" I call out and he turns around to glare at me interestingly. Oh no, maybe I shouldn't have done that but I'm on a roll, and before I can stop myself I feel my next statement slide off my tongue and out my lips. "It's Jahzara." I state, noticing his frown of confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"My name. It's Jahzara...not Laura." I enforce, shutting my eyes tightly, expecting him to take off my head for having the audacity to correct his mistake.

I was expecting just about anything from him, but not a chuckle. Hold up...he's chuckling. Is he laughing at me? Does he think I'm being funny? I mean I know my parents went a little over board with the African name, but it's no laughing matter. Opening my eyes, my hazels stare directly into his perfect blues and I instantly hold my breath, wanting to quiver.

When I look into your eyes,
my heart it starts to melt.
You cannot even begin to imagine,
just how good it felt.

He seems to be examining me again. Well, I'm sure as hell getting noticed today...even ‘sized' up in the process. Now, I'm getting a little self conscious, but I try not to show it.

"Ok then, Jahzara it is." He replies with a bright smile, then adds: "I was wondering when you were going to correct me. Until then, I just decided to keep guessing." He jokes, and I actually smile at that.

Wow, well, that's a good thing I hope. Although, he could have just asked. "Oh, well ok" I beam and he nods in reply.

Now serious again, he inhales deeply then begins to move backwards as he speaks rapidly. "Remember what I asked you to do for me when Yolanda arrives. It's simple enough. I don't want to keep you any longer so you can get back to your work. Bye Laura..." Pausing mid-step he gives me an apologetic stare. "I mean..." He trails off momentarily scratching under his chin and I can almost bet he's forgotten my name already. "Jahzara...that's a rather...unique name" He voices, in a low whisper, but I catch it and smile in the process. "Anyway see you later...Zara." He grins at me knowing he just used a nickname instead of my full name, before he turns and disappears down the hallway to the elevators...

I think it's safe to say that I've melted and I'm now a puddle of mush on the floor. The man is just so irresistible and maybe, just maybe, I'm not as invisible or off Justin's radar as I thought I was. Whatever it is, I hope he comes by more often to personally instruct me on his various demands and orders as opposed to making them over the office's direct line. Now, if only a few of them could be intimate or sexual, I'd have it made on cloud nine, granting me a preview into heaven for sure.

These feelings I have for you right now,
will always remain true.
No matter what I try to do,
my soul cries out for you.

******
Poem: A Shrouded Love
By: Philip Piccini

Hidden Feelings

"Life is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided between labor, sleep, and recreation...all people should spend one-third of their time in recreation which is rebuilding, voluntary activity, never idleness."

How hard is it to get good help around here? I really don't understand this. I need to have a word with the board on how they hire new staff. This is ridiculous. The incompetence of my employees will not be tolerated if I have anything to say about it. It reflects on me and makes me look like an idiot. But, enough about that for now. I'm sitting here staring out these overly huge windows and all I can think about is Jahzara. Before you get the wrong idea, I'm not thinking of her in that way. All I'm wondering is what parent in their right mind would give their child that name? It's so rare that I've never even heard that name before. And believe me I've heard millions of names in my lifetime, some I wish I could forget, others I'll never remember.

The fact that she had the guts to correct me on my slip ups was courageous and admirable, but she needs to step her game up if she wants to keep this job. It's not the first time I've caught her dazed in la, la land. It's just the first time I've made it known. She needs a serious pep talk, because I was on the verge of firing her earlier today. I mean, what has her so spaced all the time anyway? This can't continue.

I know I've never really paid attention to her before, but when the executives come back to me telling me that the work she's done for them is mediocre and slap dashed, that's when I pay attention. I could easily have her replaced, but I've decided to give her a second chance. I think it was because one of my employees Jeffery came to me and told me about her situation with her brother. So, I know she needs this job, but it's time she started pulling her weight.

Maybe this job is too dull for her. I mean, who likes sitting around for 8 to 9 hours a day in front of a desk writing up documents and greeting customers in person and on the phone? People who don't have any other option that's who. But maybe...just maybe I might consider giving her another option. I'll have to see how she performs and if she plays her cards right. I'm not about to make a mistake with this one. She could also stand to take care of her self a little and shed a few pounds in the process. She's practically the first face that's seen when a client walks in here. I might have to discuss her image with her as well.

That might be difficult, because women are so touchy about the way they look. I really don't see why. If you think you're ugly or fat or something, chances are you're probably exactly that. So why get all defensive and emotional about it? Which reminds me, I'll need to call Ken Komisar about some issues I need dealt with.

Diverting my attention to the door, I hear a light knock on the other end. I wonder who that could be. Maybe Yolanda?

Walking over, I swing the wooden barrier open to be greeted by none other than Jahzara herself. The woman looks like she's on the verge of passing out or something. Is she hyperventilating? What the hell? Arching my brows at her, I fold my arms across my chest waiting for her to say something. She's being quite a nuisance right now just standing there and gawking.

"Um...Mr. Timberlake I'm sorry to disturb you but...uh..." She stutters, bowing her head. Well spit it out woman!

"What's wrong Zara?" I ask and her head instantly snaps up as she eyes me oddly. She didn't think I'd call her by her whole name did she? It's so strange. I figured a shortened form would help me remember better.

"Yolanda called in a few minutes ago and..." She trails off, fiddling with her bare nail tips that definitely need some feminine care or other.

"Do I have to coach you on how to pass a message too?" I snap. It's not my fault, but her blabbering is beginning to annoy me.

"I'm sorry. She...she called in and said she won't be able to make it today. She woke up this morning sick with a bad cough and fever. She might be getting the flu sir." She rambles out.

"I see." I'm pissed off right now. I specifically remembered telling Yolanda don't go to that club last night. I'm guessing she did, and she must have had her body exposed to the increased temperatures. "Is that all?" I ask, wanting to get back to my office and actually get some work done. It's nearing the end of the day, and I need to head over to the studio to meet up with Tim.

"Ye...yes." Damn, she seems so uncomfortable around me. I'm not that intimidating am I? I don't want my employees to feel like they can't talk to me. My door is always open. Maybe I'm coming off too strong.

"Ok Zara. Well, the day is almost over, so you can finish off what you're doing then head home." I reply in a softer tone. I notice her visibly relax a bit as she stares at me interestingly.

"Alright Mr. Timberlake. And I'm sorry about that. She mentioned she'd give you a call to discuss everything and reschedule."

"That's fine, don't worry about it." I grip unto the door knob as she backs away from me. I think she's afraid of me. Do I have horns or something?

"Well I should go." She turns to leave, but stops when I call out to her.

"Zara, I just want you to know, if there's anything wrong, my door is always open. You can come in and talk to me if you'd like. I won't bite I promise." I add with a warm smile.

She nods in response and smiles back at me shyly and then quickly picks up her pace heading straight for the elevators.

Shrugging, I shut my door and head back over to my mahogany vanished desk. That woman is beyond weird to me. Maybe she's going through some crisis. I really don't know for sure. Clearing my thoughts on her and even Yolanda, I take a sit and pull out some papers, determined to finish looking over this proposal I received earlier today. My life is very hectic, and I know I'm going to need to take a vacation soon, but for now, I'm loving it.

****

Fighting to open this door with a ton of items in my hand wasn't my smartest idea. But damn it, I'll succeed. Moving my grocery bag up to my face, I grip the handle with my teeth, and prop my knee up to steady everything in my hands. Fumbling with the lock, I turn the key, hearing it click, before I open the door, kicking it all the way open with my feet.

Walking in to my small yet humble abode, I dump various items along the way, releasing my load. Finally getting to the kitchen, I place the grocery bags on the counter, switching on the light.

"Home sweet home." I mutter, taking in the small white tiled kitchen. The place is not much to look at, but it's something. It's a two bedroom apartment, on Kirkman and Conroy and I'm very proud of it. My bro and I worked hard to make a living for our selves. I've also been saving up to get my own place, so he can have here to himself since most of his money goes into the bills.

Putting away the last items from the shopping bags, I toss the bags in the trash can and kick off my work shoes, letting out a sigh of relief.

Ambling into my bedroom, I quickly grab some short cotton pants and a black wife beater, changing my clothes in record time.

"Hmm...what to do...what to do." I tap my index finger on my chin in thought. Today isn't gym day, so, I'm not so sure what to do for the rest of the day really. Maybe I'll go clubbing...Ha! I would if I had any friends, but I don't. I guess I'm a little too reserved. My only real friend is my brother Malcolm, and he's always on duty so I barely get to see him. My other friend is Jeffery who works in promotions at Tennman records. Maybe I could call him and see what he's up to. He's the only one who gave me a warm welcome and continued talking to me since I've been there.

Yeah, I'll give him a call and we could maybe hang out if he's not too busy.

It was certainly a long day today. I can't believe it's over. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy that I actually had a somewhat normal conversation with Justin. It was the first time since I've been here he actually stopped and talked to me. Usually, he'd just belt out demands over the phone.

When I went to his office earlier, he seemed kind of upset about something. It didn't mean he had to snap at me the way he did, but in the end, he made up for it by being kind. He even offered to talk to me if I ever needed anyone to talk to. That made me burn inside. I wanted to jump him so bad! I just wanted to tell him; yes...I have a problem that only you can help me with. You see, I'm madly, passionately, undoubtedly infatuated with you. And then, he'd admit the same thing, and I'd rush into his arms and he'd take me right there, in his office on his desk...ah well a girl can dream can't she? This is so unhealthy. But I can't help it. The man knows he's fly too, strutting around in his expensive designer suits always looking well primped and shaved, and fresh to death.

"Uhgg...you need to stop this insanity." I scold myself. "Justin would never give you of all people the time of day." I say again. Brushing off my thoughts about him, I go into the living room which basically consists of two couches and a television as well as a coffee table, and grab my phone off the table.

Pressing speed dial, I wait patiently for someone to answer.

After a few rings, I hear a familiar voice pick up.

"Hey this is Jeff, what's cracking?" He asks and I giggle.

"Jeffery, is that how a promotions officer answers his phone? What if it was a client?" I muse hearing him chuckle.

"Well hey there Jahzara Gilmore. To what do I owe this unexpected call?" he asks.

"What are you doing tonight? I'm bored and I'm all alone. My bro won't be home till late and I need to have some fun." I reply.

There's a slight pause on the line before he says something else.

"There's this new club opening tonight in downtown Orlando. Are you game? I heard a bunch of famous people and V.I.Ps are going to be there. I think it's Timbaland's new club or something I'm not sure. That's the rumor." He stated.

"Really? I'm down. But I have nothing to wear." I lament.

"Girl, I'm sure you can find something to fit those curves. Don't even play like that. I was already going with some of the other employees so I'll pass and pick you up around 10. How does that sound?"

I'm a little skeptic about mixing with the other employees. I'm sort of an outcast. I don't know how they will perceive me. I really value people's opinions of me. I guess it's because of my height and size. I tend to stick out like a sore thumb sometimes.

"Uh..."

"Common Z...you know you want to." Jeffery probes.

"Ok fine. I'll come. I don't go clubbing often but it should be fun right?" I ask hopefully, trying to gear myself up.

"Hell yeah! So 10 it is then."

"Yeah sure!" I respond nervously.

"Ok, and make sure you dress to kill! Later babe." Jeffery replies enthusiastically before the line goes dead.

Shutting off my phone I take in a few deep breaths. This could be fun. Yeah this could be good for me. I could actually mingle and not feel so self conscious. I can do this...I can do this.

"I can do this." I voice out loud, now contemplating on what to wear. This is going to be difficult.

Hold up, did he say Timbaland's new club? Oh hell Na! That means Justin might be there! I can't go if he's there! I'll die from embarrassment. Ok, breathe Jahzara. It's no big deal. If anything, he'll be in V.I.P whole night so I won't even get to see him. "I can do this." I say in a shaky voice, because I'm not so sure anymore. I want to call and cancel but I know Jeffery will never allow that. I guess I'll have to go through with it.

But, why do I feel like tonight is going to be one I'll never forget?

****

Quote by: Unknown

Mixing Business With Pleasure

"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined; No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet, to chase the glowing hours with flying feet."

How could I have allowed Jeffery Rush to persuade me into changing my outfit? I mean, ok, so I'm not exactly a dresser. I know that much, but when he showed up at my apartment an hour ago, he told me the long loose jeans and black shirt had to go. I mean what the hell? Isn't clubbing about letting loose and wilding out while gyrating around sweaty bodies? I don't know too much, but I know I'd like to do it comfortably. Not primped up like a Barbie doll, practically falling on my ass in heels that are too tall and thin for comfort.

But, like any gullible fool, he talked me into the extremely tight mini jeans skirt, knee length high heeled black boots, and an overly tight black halter top that exposes too much cleavage and back. Not to mention my booty is poking out in that skirt. I feel like a cheap side street prostitute. God, I hate myself right now. He even forced me to wear my hair down, which I rarely ever do and put on make-up that practically added years to my age. Shoot me now, because I know I'm going to die from utter humiliation tonight.

Finally getting past the bouncers and the mass frenzy which consisted of a swarm of paparazzi and reporters, our group which contained Jeffery, Tameka Hill, Mallory Stewart, Brian Walters and yours truly finally made it into the congested night club.

I'm walking on egg shells as I feel my guard go up, glaring around the large club in awe. The décor and everything about the place screams Timbaland. It is definitely his style. It has a cool, laid back, techno meets modern hip-hop slash rap vibes to it. It is definitely something spectacular. Taking in the colorful lighting scheme, I spot the bar off in the distance, and realize that I desperately need a drink of some sort. I have to remember there's work tomorrow, so I can't afford to get drunk, but I'm really craving a screw driver right now.

Feeling a hand on my bare shoulder, I turn to see a smiling Jeffery. I'd be lying if I say he isn't handsome. There's just something so alluring about him. He's mixed since his mom is Caucasian and his dad is African American. His hair's a dark curly brown and his complexion's an extremely light brown, almost tan. He has the most beautiful grey eyes I've ever seen, and a smile that could light up an entire Christmas tree. Yeah, the guy is definitely a looker, and he's taller than me so that's a plus right? Gosh what am I even thinking here?

"Girl, lighten up. You're so tense! Don't worry babe. You look gorgeous tonight! You're out to kill them girl, with those long legs and dangerous curves." He compliments me and I can't help the slight blush that adorns my face.

"Thanks Jeff!" I shout over the blaring music.

"You're welcome Z! Anytime. We got ourselves a table so come on!" Before I get a chance to respond, he's already grabbing my hand, pulling me along with him and the other employees to a booth at the far corner of the club. I'm happy we found there, because it doesn't seem to be as congested as the front and center area of the club. We all slide into the booth, getting ready for what I hope to be a fun filled night.

Looking at my fellow co-workers, I smirk a bit. They're all dressed up for a night out on the town. Brian is the Latin metrosexual, Tameka is the Tyra Banks super model clone, and Mallory is the classic twist between, Avril Lavigne meets pop princess Britney Spears. I also noticed Mallory and Justin around the workplace flirting a lot. Hmmm, I wonder if something is going on between them.

"So do you think Justin is here since this is Tim's club?" Tameka asks eyeing everyone.

"He should be. He's probably in V.I.P." Mallory responds a little too quickly for my liking while flipping back her long strawberry blonde hair. She seems so sure of herself most times. I guess I'm just grudging because I lack that confidence that practically oozes out of her very core.

"Well I think if he knew we were here, he'd have a fit since it's the middle of the working week. You know how Mr. Timberlake hates slackers on the job." Brian jokes, causing everyone to agree.

"Either way, if he's here we can be here too. He is the boss after all." Tameka interjects.

"Yeah Tam, but that's why he can get away with this shit. We on the other hand would have to pay dearly, if we show up late or hung over tomorrow for work." I can't help but smile. Jeff is always the level headed and logical one in the group.

"I don't care. I just need to get my drink on." Brian waves his hands in the air, signaling a waitress over.

This is my cue to exit. I can't sit here and listen to them talk about our boss like that. I mean it's bad enough I have to see the man most of my day knowing I could never have him. Why listen to some lacking intellectual conversation about him too?

"Excuse me." I yell over the music, sliding out of the booth and standing up.

"Where are you off to Z?" Jeff asks me curiously.

"Uh, the ladies room." I lie. I really need to get away from them. I can feel their stares. I'm almost certain, some, if not all of them don't like me very much. I don't exactly fit in. I'm just going to head to the bar or something.

"Ok, well don't get lost or be gone too long." Jeff smiles at me apologetically. He knows me and I'm glad that someone other than my brother understands me a little.

Nodding, I leave the group and make my way over to the bar, instantly beckoning to the bartender so he can prepare a screw driver for me.

Sitting on one of the stools, he comes back with my drink and I gulp it down anxiously, as I continue to take in the moving bodies around me. The music is good, and the setting for the mood is perfect, but all I can think about is curling up in front of my television, digging into a bucket of ice cream as I watch reruns of everybody loves Raymond or friends or something. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

Ten or so screw drivers later, I'm feeling a hell of a buzz. Well, I think it's ten. I wasn't really counting. I kind of lost count. The point is alcohol really helps you loosen up. Right now, I'm feeling like I could take on just about anyone and anything. It's a wonderful feeling that I don't experience too often. I'm not much of a drinker, so I can almost bet I'm most definitely drunk right now.

Stumbling in my high heels, I steady myself and head over to the partially dark dance floor in search of my co-workers. I notice Jeff dancing with an unknown and unnamed red head. I also spot Brian close by dancing with Tameka. Mallory is no where in site and I'm having a hard time standing straight as well as seeing clearly. Note to self, no more drinking for a very long time to come.

Deciding that the only way to partly sober up is by sweating out the toxins from my system, I begin to dance by myself somewhere in the middle of the dance floor.

It's not long before the music completely engulfs my senses and I'm lost in my drunken stupor feeling a sense of bliss mixed with intoxication and the slight urge to pass out.

I'm not sure how long I've been dancing, but I've definitely worked up a sweat grinding my hips like there's no tomorrow. What really catches my attention and forces me to sober up a tad bit, is when I feel a pair of masculine hands wrap around my waist from behind. What the fuck?

Tensing, I try to move away from who ever the stranger is, but barely make half a step since he has a tight grip on me. Gulping down hard, I can feel my nerves take over. I don't like the fact that he's touching me so intimately. That means he's feeling my less than perfect curves on my less than perfect body.

Bending forward, he pushes back some of my curly hair with his face before he places his lips to my ears. "Can I have this dance?" he drawls out in a raspy whisper. His hot breath on my neck is driving my hormones up the wall. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't even know this person. Damn it, has it been that long since I've been laid? I'm such a sad case.

I can smell the alcohol on his breath and I'm guessing he drank as much as I did if not more. I also find his sent to be quite familiar, but maybe I'm just delusional.

Deciding it wouldn't hurt, I shrug and begin dancing with my stranger, too intoxicated to really care anyway. It also beats dancing by myself. I can feel his body press up against mine as he inhales sharply, moving his hips to my rhythm. Damn, this is like some pleasurable sin, but I'm enjoying it too much to protest.

****

I know, maybe I shouldn't be doing this right now, but I just couldn't resist. It's really hard to see anything when you're drunk in a practically dark club with endless bodies moving around, but I really, honestly, couldn't resist.

I only stepped out of V.I.P for a brief moment, to ask the bartender downstairs to send up some more bottles since we were running low when I saw her. I mean, I don't know who she is, or where she came from, but it's hard to miss her with how tall she is. Plus, how could I not notice that round firm ass? It's practically pushing out of the tight skirt she's wearing just waiting to be smacked. God, she's thick too...no, she's voluptuous. Hell, she's not my type, but I don't care right now. I think she's gorgeous even under the dim lights. Her sweet, light chocolate brown skin looks extremely edible as it glows from her partially soaked figure. I wonder how she tastes. If I could fuck her right here, right now, I would. I know it sounds sick to say, but I honestly without a second thought, would do her right here on the dance floor. I'd put good use to her cushioned form. Damn, I'm getting hard just thinking about it.

She keeps pushing her ass into my crotch tempting me to spank it like the naughty girl she's being. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Maybe I should just leave. But the high level of testosterone running through my system won't let me. I'm glued to this sexy temptress and couldn't move even if I tried. I don't want to try really. I might fall over flat on my face. How embarrassing would that be?

Getting lost in our seductive dance, my hands take on a mind of their own as they begin exploring. ‘Uh...I wish she wouldn't tempt me like that.' My thoughts scream out to me as I release a low groan. Moving around her waist, my hands leisurely trail up to her stomach noticing how flat and surprisingly toned it feels. Hmm, maybe she works out? I'm not sure. I don't care too much either.

All I'm focused on right now is grinding into that bubble butt as we sway to the pulsating music. She has a nice rack too, but the ass has me hypnotized.

I'm almost certain she's as drunk as I am, because she's really wilding out right now. I'm having a little difficulty keeping up with her, but I don't let that faze me. Shit, I'm Justin Timberlake; I can dance my ass off if the situation calls for it.

Turning around to face me, she opens her legs over mine, grinding into me from the front. I watch intently as I absorb how her short skirt rides up her tight thighs. This is torture I'm gladly willing to endure. It's just too sensual for words. Who knew big women could work like that? Well honestly, she's not all that big. She's what I like to call ‘bootylicious.' Ok yeah, I got it from that destiny's child song so sue me. She is anyway. I'm an ass man and I know a succulent ass when I see one. Sighing loudly, I lean in to whisper in her ears again since the music is immensely loud.

"No teasing sweetheart." I coo into her ears, feeling her smile against my chest. Oh, she's aware of what she's doing. Damn, she's a freak. I like that a lot.

Pushing her back a bit, I try to get a good look at her, but can't seem to focus or see through this terrible lighting system Tim has going. I guess it's all part of the mood he was going for.

Whatever it is, it's annoying as fuck.

Plus, her long curly hair is kind of blocking her face.

"I think you like that I'm teasing you." She responds in a light giggle, as her hands graze over my growing arousal. Ah, naughty, naughty. I'll have to make her pay for that.

Smiling slyly, I bend forward and place a light kiss on her neck, feeling her shudder against me. I love the effect I have on women. It's very rewarding and a major boost to the ego.

Now, if only I could take her home with me tonight...

"Z? Is that you?" I hear someone's voice interrupt my thoughts and notice her pause from the whining she was doing on me. No, don't stop! Not now...I'm going to get blue balls after this; I just know it.

"Huh?" She blurts out and I instantly freeze. I know that lost, bewildered voice. It's hauntingly familiar.

"Jahzara? Is that you over there? Come on girl. It's getting late so we're leaving. We have work tomorrow." The person responds and I can already feel my palms sweating as my heart beat increases. Oh shit...this is not good. This is terrible. I know that male's voice too. It sounds like...Jeffery Rush, one of my employees.

Halting my movements, I glance down at the woman in my arms and my eyes grow wide with shock, when a passing light shines over her flustered face.

Fuck...fuck! This is bad.

"Jahzara?" I choke out in a slight whisper but she catches it nonetheless because she's now staring directly into my blues with perplexity.

"What? Ju...Justin?" She slurs when realization finally takes over. "Oh my god!" She belts, pushing away from me instantly stumbling back. "Oh my god!"

I hold unto her arm to steady her and myself. She looks absolutely drunk and out of her right mind. Her eyes are glassed over and even though she's recognized me, her brain doesn't seem to be processing the severity of this situation.

Shit, I just had a particularly sexual encounter with one of my employees. This is a disaster and it's only going to get worse. What's that old saying...‘Never mix business with pleasure?' Ah yes, because nothing good ever comes out of the situation in the end even though it was an honest mistake.

"Oh my god!" She clasps her hands over her mouth as I notice Jeffery coming over. Just great. This is just what I need. And what the hell are they even doing here on a work night? Either way this is the least of my worries right now.

"Jahzara didn't you hear me...." He trails off when he diverts his gaze to me. "Oh Mr. Timberlake! What a surprise. We thought you were in V.I.P." Jeff beams, pulling a still stunned Jahzara into his embrace. Looking down at her he smirks lightly. "Leave it to you to get drunk babe. I'll have to do some damage control. Don't worry Mr. Timberlake. She'll be as good as new tomorrow." He assures me and all I can do is hold a tight smile to prevent myself from screaming with frustration.

I know my senses aren't fully there, but I can't believe Jahzara of all people turned me on like that. And where did she think she was going with that overly sexy outfit? I didn't even know she had a body like that. It's always hidden under the baggy pant suits she wears to work. Holy shit, I'm going insane here. I can't take much more of this. I know this is so wrong. Is it wrong to still want to fuck her? And why am I feeling like this could be a good thing? Get a grip Justin. You can't think this way about an employee. It's morally and ethically wrong.

"It's ok Jeff. I was just heading back up to V.I.P after ordering some more drinks from the bar since we were running low upstairs. Just take her home and make sure she's ok. I'll see you all in work tomorrow." I need to get the fuck out of here and fast.

"Oh.my.god." I hear Jahzara mutter yet again. Well shit, she really is drunk and ‘out of it'. She's barely standing right now.

Eyeing her strangely, Jeff shrugs and pulls her along with him as he starts to walk away. "What am I going to do with you Z?" He talks to her, trying to hold up her body weight. "See you tomorrow Mr. Timberlake." He calls out, waving at me as he disappears into the mass of bumping bodies.

Waving him off, I take in a rather long and deep unstable breath. Shit, this is not good. This is terrible. I wonder if she'll remember anything tomorrow. But damn, she was working that skirt.

"God, what's wrong with me!?" I yell over the music scolding myself, as I walk back over to join Tim, Trace and my other friends and entourage in the V.I.P section.

Placing my hands over my face, I pick up my pace as I hear the DJ switch the track over to Jay holiday's ‘Bed'. What the fuck? Like seriously, they're killing me here.

Groaning loudly at the choice of song, I stomp past the bouncers and up the stairs noticing Trace's and Tim's questionable glares. I guess I look pissed off or something.

"What happened to you man?" Trace finally voices as I sit next to him. Turning to face him I bow my head in shame as I replay the previous events in my mind. Finally locking eyes with my best friend I shake my head sadly.

"I'm seriously fucked man."

****

Quote by: George Gordon Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

Unspoken Desires

Next day...Thursday morning

"Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, longing, are all founded on lust."

"Mmmm....right there....right there....uhhhh...." I moan as my mystery guy traces wet patterns over my naked body with his tongue. Damn, I never want this to end...

"Jahzara!"

What the hell was that? Damn it. I don't want to wake up. Who's interrupting my dream anyway? I wish they'd go away.

"Jahzara! Get the hell up!" I hear the person shout.

If I hear that annoying scream one more time I'm gonna...

"Jahzara! It's seven fucking thirty. If you don't get your lazy ass up you'll be late for work!"

I feel the person shake me violently, before the covers are yanked off my body.

Shit! What did he say the time was? Seating up suddenly, my eyes dart around the room finally landing on a pair of very inquisitive and amused brown orbs.

"Oh my god..." I moan as I grip my head with my hands feeling it pounding like someone was drilling a hole right into my skull. "Holy shit." I mutter, rushing out of the bed, nearly knocking the person who's hovering over me down in the process. Dashing into the bathroom, I fall to my knees hunching over the toilet bowl as I release my stomach fluids. This is not good. Today is going to be a terrible day. I can sense it already.

How much did I drink anyway? I can't sit 8 to 9 hours in front of a desk today feeling the way I feel. I feel like pure and utter shit. I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller, then a cement truck, then a semi that backed up and ran me over again.

Standing on shaky legs, I look at my reflection in the mirror. Remind me to never let alcohol touch my lips ever again. My hair is flying in every direction and the make-up I put on last night is smudged. I look like death. Turning on the tap, I dash my face with water before I hear light chuckling behind me.

Flipping around I narrow my eyes at the person. Well I'm glad my ‘hang over' amuses him.

"Busy night eh?" He chortles harder until it grows into a full blown laugh.

Grunting, I push past him and head back into my bedroom with him close behind.

"I don't see why you're so bitchy. I wasn't the one who told you to drink." He adds, still grinning like an idiot.

Heading into my wardrobe, I pull out a grey pant suit and place it on my bed before I turn to face my brother. "Don't you have to be on duty Malcolm?" I snap with attitude.

He studies me for a brief moment before he shrugs stuffing his hands in the pockets of his slacks. "I have a night shift today. So, I'll be here when you get back from work. Maybe we can talk then." He suggests taking in my pissed off attitude.

"Yeah I guess." I reply downhearted. What the hell happened last night anyway? Everything seems so hazy. I'm never going anywhere with Jeffery and his ‘crew' again. Maybe if it's just him and me I'll consider it. I hope I didn't make a complete fool of myself in front of them last night. I won't be able to fathom the level of humiliation and embarrassment I'll have to endure if I did. But I can't think about that now, because I need to get to work before I have no job to go to.

Clearing all my thoughts, I grab my various bath accessories and run past Malcolm into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

By the time I'm done and dressed, I can smell the sweet aroma of coffee coming from the kitchen as it fills my nostrils. Inhaling deeply, my lips twitch into a small smile. My bro really knows his sister. It's just want I need for my hang over and to start off this messed up day.

Fixing my hair in front of the mirror, I've decided to change the style a bit. Today, I have it in one with a few loose tendrils hanging around my face. It's not a huge change, but it's better than having it up in a bun all the time.

Grabbing my belongings, I amble into the kitchen snatching the cup he just poured for him self, receiving a death glare. If looks could kill, I'd drop dead this very second.

Picking up my pace, I head straight for the front door.

"Hey Jahzara! Aren't you eating anything?" I hear Malcolm call out to me.

"Can't I'm late!" I belt, as I swing the front door open, heading down the steps of the apartment complex.

"I'll bring you something later then!" He calls out again and I'm assuming he's now in the doorway shouting to me.

Yelling an ‘ok' to him, I power walk to the parking lot until I reach my white Celica. It's not the most glamorous car in the world but it gets me to my destinations.

"Please don't fire me..." I mumble to myself as I get into the ride and back out of the parking spot, heading out of the grounds and unto Kirkman.

This is just fantastic. I'm caught in the morning rush hour. What else could possible go wrong today?

"Damn it. I really hope I don't get fired..." I let out an exasperating sigh, as I sit in my car turning on the radio while I wait for the traffic to ease up a bit so I can continue my journey to Tennman Records.

****

It's extremely unacceptable and out of character when the boss is so hung over, he can't function properly at the workplace. It's even worse when he has ‘sexual' encounters with his employees. But, what really takes the cake is when he can't stop thinking of said sexual encounter with said employee. Am I a horrible person? Wait don't answer that because if you knew more about me you might agree to that inquiry. I know I've crossed this invisible line and broken this unwritten rule between employer and employee relations.

What really pisses me off is that it's the one person whom I never even noticed before. She's just so dull...and boring...and...and...she's...well...fat. There I said it. She's big and unattractive and I must have ingested an excessive amount of alcohol last night to think any differently. She's maybe freaking out right now, afraid to come to work in fear of what I might do or say. But Damn it, why her? She's not much to look at. I mean, she's not even my type. She's far from it. Let me emphasize this. She is as far from my type as the distance between the sun and Pluto. Even further. It just won't work out.

I've been sitting here for the past half hour trying to figure out how I could have allowed this to happen. I'm also wondering if anyone saw. Did Jeffery see and not say anything? Are my employees talking about it? I know they gossip a lot. I also know their topics of choice always seem to land on me. So, what are they saying now? And even more importantly, what are they saying about...her?

It's depressing, but I've noticed how lonely she seems at the front desk when everyone else's offices are on the second floor. She's all alone down there whole day. She must not fit in with the rest of the employees. I've never really seen her mingling or mixing with them. She also looks like she lacks a whole lot of self confidence. She's just always so reserved and shy. Maybe it's because of her looks? I don't know really. I mean, she's not completely unattractive. She sure as hell was something else last night....

Stop this Justin. You're thinking and analyzing what happened between the two of you. It was an honest mistake and nothing more. It's not like she sits there whole day daydreaming about me. If that were the case I might have to fire her or something. We can't have that now can we? No, that's a ridiculous assumption. She's probably terrified out of her mind by me. I believe she thinks I have horns or I'm the spawn of Satan. Whatever it is, I'll need to call her into my office today and apologize for the misunderstanding last night and hope that we can get past it.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll kick everything under the rug and still keep my professional persona.

Propping my elbows up on my desk, I grab the office phone and hit the call button.

After a few rings, Mallory picks up.

"Hey there sexy..." She coos into the line and a small smile graces my features.

Clearing my throat, I try to keep a firm tone when responding. "I've told you about this Lory. Not during office hours. Listen, I need to know if Jahzara is in yet. I tried her desk earlier but I didn't get an answer."

I can almost picture Mallory rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. She's such a jealous bitch sometimes. I guess you're wondering what the fuck is going on. Like I said I'm a horrible person. So, don't hate me for what I'm about to divulge, but, let's just say every boss has a weak spot for one of his employees. Mallory just happens to be my weakness. It's not my fault really. The woman practically throws herself at me every chance she gets. She's always walking around in those tight skirts and blouses that show off too much cleavage. I'm a man for goodness sake. I have so much will power against the opposite sex. To make a long story short, we've been hooking up for the past three or so months. But it's always outside the work grounds. I don't need anyone finding out about this. It's wrong. And I sound like the biggest hypocrite right now, but well...I have my needs too....

"Why do you care where she is? She's late. Just deduct it from her pay." She snaps. I find her feisty attitude appealing in bed, but here in the workplace it's quite disrespectful and irritating.

"Mallory, despite circumstances, I'm still your employer. It would do you well to remember that and show some respect with the way you talk to me." I sneer.

There's a light pause before she responds again. "You never had a problem with the way I talk to you before Justin." She stresses my name. I hate it when she does that. It's very unnerving to say the least.

"I don't have to sit here and deal with your attitude. When Jahzara gets here send her to my office." I demand sternly.

"Why? Are you taking some interest in her? You must be crazy if you are. She's hideous. What's going on?" She probes and I groan feeling irate. She's the biggest bitch...but the sex is good so...

"That will be all Mallory." I reply before putting down the phone. I'm really not in the mood to deal with her ass right now. Doesn't she know that I can still fire her? She doesn't pull any ranks just because she's sleeping with the C.E.O. Damn, I'll have to enforce that piece of information to her later.

Now, on to some important business. Yolanda. I need to get her on the phone and see how she's doing since Zara said she was sick. You see what I have to work with? Yolanda is a handful to deal with. She's only 19, so she thinks that her youth grants her invincibility. She's also very spontaneous and out of control with her careless antics and whims. She needs some taming and I know just the person to do it...who's the complete opposite of her.

By the way, if Jahzara doesn't show up to work in the next ten minutes, I'm suspending her with no pay. She's already fifteen minutes late as it is. But I'll be lenient on her since I feel somewhat responsible for this entire ordeal.

****

I finally make it through the company's large doors and walk briskly to my desk, slowing my pace when I notice Tameka at my seat on the phone.

"Of course Mr. Wright. Mr. Timberlake is still scheduled to travel in two weeks with Yolanda to visit you at WEG in California. I will set up that telephone conference meeting for you with him." She looks up at me briefly with a warm smile before she diverts her attention to the phone call again. "Oh...Miss Gilmore?" She frowns, locking eyes with me.

Wow, is Johnny Wright asking about me? This is odd. I've only ever transferred his calls to Justin or take down his various messages and meeting plans.

"Yes, she's still with us." Tameka giggles slightly and motions me over. I hesitantly walk into my small cubicle hovering over as I'm racking my brain on what he could possibly have to say about me. "Actually, she's right here sir. She just stepped in. I'll pass you over to her so she can finalize everything with you. Ok, sir, you have a nice day too. Please hold." Tameka presses the hold button and stands, so I can claim my seat.

"What was that?" I whisper to her.

"Apparently, Johnny thinks you're the most pleasant thing to grace this here planet. He's also pleased with how you've been on ball with all his requests and whatnot. Anyway, I was just holding on for you till you got here. I'm heading back to my office. Public relations just got a shit load of work and we're grinding girl. Bye!" Tameka waves as she moves to exit. I nod in response and thank her for covering, before she disappears down the hall.

Well damn, I never thought any of Justin's clients liked me. I guess I'm doing something right with my job after all. Taking in a deep breath, I release the hold button and place the phone to my ears to pick up where Tameka left off.

Putting on my cheeriest voice, I speak into the phone to Mr. Wright. "Hi! This is Jahzara speaking. How are you today Mr. Wright?...."

Back to my boring, monotone job. Oh how I envy the celebrities who live hectic, destructive lives right now.

So, the morning went well, and I'm just about ready to go on my lunch break when the phone rings. Looking at the caller Id, I realize it's Justin.

I just got a slight case of déjà vu. Not to mention I've been having these blurry visions of what happened at the club last night.

Grabbing the device, I place it to my ears giving the warmest hello possible.

"Jahzara, when did you get in?" He asks. Well damn, he could have returned my greeting at least. His voice is still sexy though.

"About 8:20 this morning sir. I'm sorry for being late." I can feel the ‘you're fired' coming on.

"Did no one tell you I've been expecting you in my office?" he asks a bit angrily. What crawled up his ass?

"Uh...no." I mutter unsure of what to say really. I hear him mumble something incoherent before he responds.

"Don't bother; I'm on my way down now." And before I can reply the line goes dead. Well, that was beyond awkward. Am I missing something here?

Justin makes it down and to my desk in record time. Instead of stopping at the front of the desk where most customers come to, he opens the bending door and walks right into the cubicle.

Oh wow, close proximity...guard goes up. What's up with him today? He's acting weird.

"I need to have a word with you." He cuts to the chase and I nod my head slowly spinning around in my chair to face him. Leaning against the table where my computer is situated, he gazes into my hazel orbs for a brief moment and I see something in his eyes I've never seen before. What the hell? I'm not sure what kind of look he's giving me, but it has me really uncomfortable and tense. But, I can't help the fire that creeps into my body at how good he looks in that long sleeved blue shirt and dress pants. Plus, he smells so good. His signature cologne is hypnotic to say the least. I love Curve cologne on a man. Wait, hold up...I know his smell. In fact I know it very well, despite how creepy or obsessed that may sound. I...I remember smelling it last night at the club too...I think I was dancing with someone when I was kind of high and...and...oh...my...god...It was him?!

*****

I can't get over the fact of how different she looks in her work attire. That's not the same woman that broke me down last night craving to take her right there on the dance floor. It's just...She's like two different people. I mean, the way she danced, looked, and smelled...everything about her had my senses going crazy. She was down right irresistible. But I'm looking at her now and I can't help but wonder where did that other woman disappear to? I'd much rather see more of her around here. She was so confident and sure of herself.

Goddamn, I need to stop this. I'm in over my head here. I'm...I'm...I'm not attracted to her. No I'm not. Looking at her now in her baggy grey pant suit makes me realize how unappealing she is. She's just so plain. And her hair...wait. What?! Her hair is different. It's always up in one on her head twisted into some kind of knot. It's different today. She has strands falling all around her smooth face. It looks kind of...cute. I can't believe I just said that. What is happening to me? How can I allow my standards to drop so low? I'm not saying she's the scum of the earth but come on people. Look at me and look at her. Ok, no. Don't do that. That sounded shallow. Damn, I have issues or something.

"Uh Mr. Timberlake? Are you ok? You seem to be having some kind of battle with yourself." Jahzara calls out to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Well, it's now or never.

Sighing, I rub my hands together and pull up a chair, taking a seat directly in front of her. This is so awkward and uncomfortable. I just want to leave. I can't be this close to her right now. Everything is wrong and I kind of feel embarrassed. I never thought I'd phrase such a statement in regards to the opposite sex before. This is amazing.

"Do you remember what happened at the new club opening last night?" I ask her and I see her shift uncomfortably in her seat. I'm assuming she does, because she quickly breaks eye contact with me, fiddling with her nails. Is this a habit when she's nervous? It irks the hell out of me.

"Uh, well..." She trails off, bowing her head in shame. Oh no, not this shit again. She needs to learn how to speak up for herself.

"Spit it out Jahzara I don't have all day." I snap at her. I need to remain firm. I need to keep my authority persona or else people will think they can walk all over me.

Snapping her head up she furrows her eye brows at me. "As a matter of fact Mr. Timberlake I do remember. Actually, it just came to me a few moments ago. If I'm correct, I was on the dance floor minding my own business when you came up to me asking for a dance am I right? Everything is a bit hazy, but if I'm not wrong, we were getting really hot and heavy on the dance floor. I'm assuming you didn't know it was me. I sure as hell didn't know it was you at first. Is that why you're here? You want to deem what happened as a mistake and hope that I'll understand that it was a misunderstanding and be like it never happened? Because if that's the case, don't worry. I promise if no one saw, it won't get out. It was just a dance...nothing more." She states, before moving away from me and turning her attention to her computer.

Well, what the fuck just happened here? Where did that outburst come from? I'm speechless. I don't even know what to make of that. For a split second, that little boost of confidence made her slightly appealing in my eyes. She must have some balls to talk to her boss like that. I'd love to commend her for it, but I'm a bit pissed off right now. I don't know why really. Maybe it's because of the sexual tension I have built up since last night. And it's her fault by the way. She turned me on and didn't follow through with it. Not like I expected her to. Hmmm, I wonder if I could get her to wear that skirt for me again....Damn it! There I go drifting again. I think her daydreaming is rubbing off on me. Shit, but I'm horny right now. And if I keep replaying last night's events in my mind, I'm going to go crazy. Maybe I can get Mallory to fix my little problem later. Yeah, that could work perfectly.

I can't help the huge grin that's on my face right now. I see her looking at me oddly, trying to figure out why I'm smiling.

"Ok Jahzara, what you said is right. I guess I don't have to do much explaining since you've stated the obvious. I just want to apologize for my lack of judgment and hope that it won't cause any tension between us." I respond, standing to leave. The truth is, the longer I stay around her, the antsier I seem to feel. What's going on here? Something is seriously wrong with me.

She nods in agreement and diverts her attention back to the computer. I should be ecstatic that this was solved so easily. It's almost like she doesn't care. So, why do I feel disappointed by her reaction, or lack there of? Did I not affect her in any way? I'd like to think I did. Maybe she's hiding it?

Before I can make it out of her little cubicle, I hear someone call out to her. Turning to the source of the voice, I'm met with a tall, broad shouldered, buff man. He looks like he spends too much time at the gym gaining muscle mass. He also has a head full of jet black curly hair just like Jahzara. And, his complexion is sort of light brown. Who the hell is that? I frown as I watch the interaction between the pair.

"Oh my goodness! What are you doing here Malky?" She beams, leaning over the desk to give him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Malky? Don't make me throw up.

"Following through with my word. I brought you lunch." He smiles at her and she squeals, taking the items from his hands before she kisses him on the cheek again.

Why am I standing here watching this? Clearing my throat loudly, they both turn to look at me. Zara gives me a look like ‘why the hell are you still here'?

"Oh Malky, this is my boss Mr. Justin Timberlake." The way she says my name sends shivers down my spine. I don't miss the roll of her eyes when she introduces me. Has she been hanging around Mallory? I can't deal with a Mallory clone. I'll fire them both if I have to.

"Pleasure Justin." He shakes my hand to greet me and I smile slightly. It's Mr. Timberlake you body building wannabe....

"And Sir, this is my brother Malcolm." She adds.

So this is her brother?....

Ohhhhh......

Giving a cheeky grin, I tell him ‘hello' and nod my head then let go of his hands exiting her cubicle in the process.

"Ok Zara. And it was nice meeting you Malcolm. I'll let you go ahead and take your lunch break then get back to your work." I voice as I begin to walk away. "Have a good day." I say to them both before I speed up my pace trying to get as far away as possible from Malcolm's questionable glares.

Finally making it into the elevators, I slump back against the metal wall, letting out a breath of relief. I've never felt so uptight in my life. What's happening to me?

"Damn..." I mutter, rubbing my hands over my face, trying to clear my mind.

When the elevators open on my floor, I'm greeted with a smiling Mallory. Just perfect. This day is going well so far. In fact, it's fucking fantastic. Note the sarcasm in my statement.

I mean, I have a sick artist who's missing out on her schedule, an employee who I'm seeing intimately outside of the office, A hectic life that won't allow me any time for rest and another employee I can't get out of my head. All I can think about is the way she rubbed up on me when we were dancing and how much I want her to do it again. I'm a sick twisted bastard. Maybe I should really take that vacation. Which reminds me, I need to tell Yolanda the good news that she'll be getting her very own Personal Assistant. She'll hate me for it, but someone has to keep that girl in check.

But back to Mallory. She's frowning now, as I step into the hallway, walking right past her. I can hear her heels clacking against the marbled floor as she follows behind me to my office. I don't really care right now.

I'm sexually frustrated and I can' t help but wonder, could I get away with murder if I was to shove Mallory's annoying ass out the large glass windows, watching as she fell stories down to her death?

It may be a messed up thing to consider, but right now...it's tempting the hell out of me.

****

Quote by: Marquis De Sade

8 days later...
Late Friday afternoon...

Who Said It Was Over? It's Only Just Begun

"At different states in our lives, the signs of love may vary: dependence, attraction, contentment, worry, loyalty, grief, but at the heart, the source is always the same. Human beings have the rare capacity to connect with each other, against all odds."

"I'm off today, so what do you want to do tonight?" Malcolm asks me as I sit next to him on a bench wiping at my sweat with a white towel. I watch intently as he starts a new repetition of weight lifting as one of his buddies squats him.

"I don't know. It's a boring Friday Malky." I shrug, grabbing the bottle of water next to me and twisting the cap off before I chug it down.

"Well think about what you want to do. If not we'll do what we normally do." He grunts, as he lifts the weights to his chest, exhaling heavily.

Nodding my head, I gaze at my surroundings noticing the practically ‘perfect' people workout. I mean, some of them look like body builders, fitness trainers, models, athletes and I could go on forever. In case you were wondering, my brother and I are at the gym...Bally Total Fitness to be exact. We have memberships there and today's as I call it ‘gym day'. Malcolm gyms to stay in shape since he's a cop, and I gym to lose the weight, but that doesn't seem to be working out well for me. But I'm not a quitter, so I'll stick to it until I'm pleased with my results.

You must be wondering what's happened between me and Justin right? Well it's been a little over a week since the ‘incident' and honestly, everything is back to normal. He's gone back to not noticing me and I've gone back to just day dreaming about him. Sad I know, but what did I expect? That just because we danced, he'd be interested? Yeah right. I think he has Mallory for that anyway. People talk you know. He should be careful, because if that's true, it could damage his reputation. Which is another reason why we'd never work out. You just don't fuck the employer and have a public, open relationship with him. If that were to happen, you'd need to leave the job or get fired first. It's just unethical if you work together.

But I really shouldn't be focusing on Justin so much. I mean he's managed to make me feel like shit the past week. He ignores me almost completely. It's even worse than before. At least before he would speak directly to me when he wanted something done. But now, he sends his orders and demands through someone else. I haven't exchanged any words with him since that day he came down to my desk asking for us to ‘talk'. And what was up with the way he eyed my brother when I introduced them? Am I not allowed to have people visit me too? Uhggg...you know, the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing that maybe Justin is nothing more than a self-centered, arrogant, egotistical bastard. I think I've dreamt up too much of a perfect version of him. I mean, he doesn't look like the type that treats women like queens unless he's hoping to ‘score' after. Maybe I was wrong about him? Maybe I should just forget about this little fantasy. I'll always think he's gorgeous, and I'll always be attracted to him, but maybe I should actually focus on getting a real life boyfriend.

"Hey Zary isn't that your boss over there?" Malcolm interrupts my endless thoughts with his booming voice. I hate that nickname too, but...hold on. My boss? What the hell is he talking about?

"What Malky?" I ask, diverting my attention to him.

"Your boss, you know, Justin. Isn't that him over there?" He drops his towel and points to the entrance of the gym. Following his gaze I instantly tense. Holy shit! He's right. That is Justin and a really huge man, and a...midget? Na, I'm playing, he's not that short. But he's shorter than Justin.

"Oh...yeah..." I trail off feeling immensely nervous. I've never seen Justin outside of the office before. Well, except for the night at the club but scratch that. The point is he looks really scrumptious in his black wife beater and gym shorts as he drops his duffle bag on a nearby bench. Oh god, I've died and gone to heaven. I've never seen him here before. What's he doing here? And even more so, don't celebrities have their own house gyms and personal trainers? I'm assuming that big dark guy is his bodyguard. And that other guy with him must be his best friend Trace. I recognize him from the tabloids and whatnot. Well, a girl has to catch up on her gossip too you know.

Glancing down at myself I realize how disgusting I look. I'm only in a navy blue sports bra and tight navy blue shorts. Jesus, I'm way too exposed, and my body is glistening with sweat. Oh no, he can't see me like this. I need to get out of here and fast.

Standing abruptly, I grab my duffle bag. "I'm going to shower and change." I voice to Malcolm.

"Already? But you're supposed to take aerobics that's starting in a few minutes." He stands to face me while gulping down some water.

"I think I'm going to skip it for today. I'll see you in a few." I smile and he shrugs at me, nodding in response before he goes back to his workout.

Sprinting out of the workout room and heading for the showers, I bump hard into someone not minding my business. Can you blame me? I'm panicking just because my boss is here. I'm so pathetic.

"Wow watch it there girl." The guys smiles at me and I finally look up into a pair of light brown eyes. Oh my god, he's gorgeous. Is this some sick joke? "Are you ok Miss?" He's frowning now, when he just sees me staring dumfounded.

If you could see what I see you'd be speechless too. I mean, this guy is tall, maybe 6'2, 6'3. He has the smoothest caramel brown face I've ever seen. His eyebrows are so cute and not too bushy. His lips are thick and juicy; his body is...oh my god...out of this world. Every muscle, every bicep, his abs...And he's shirtless too! Plus he's drop dead gorgeous. Wow, he must be married or something. They usually are.

"I, I'm good." I squeak out, swallowing hard.

"Well ok then. Be careful next time. You might end up bumping into equipment and not ‘me' or someone else. That, I assure you would hurt ten times more and maybe cause some damage." He chuckles and I smile. At least he's trying to lighten the mood.

"Ok, I should go." I move past him but he calls out to me again.

"It's Jeremy by the way. If you ever need a fitness trainer I'll be glad to assist. I'm always here when you want to find me." He smiles warmly at me. Was that a fat joke? I don't even know. Maybe he was being nice? So he's a fitness trainer? Maybe I could consider that. Nodding at him I give a tight smile, and then turn on my heel heading straight for the showers. I need to get out of this gym. Bad things happen when I'm in close vicinity to Justin.

****

"Justin, explain to me again why we're here. Don't you have like a personal trainer and a gym at your house?" Trace asks me in a whining voice. It's fucking annoying too.

Turning to face him I shrug. "Because man, it's aerobics night. There are no hunnies at my house, dressed in practically nothing, shaking their booties for the whole world to see." I chuckle. Ok, so I'm a bit of a perv, but I'm also a guy. Besides, that's not the only reason why I'm here. I just like fucking with Trace. And it worked, because he's scowling.

"Man, I did not let you drag me down here just so you could ‘workout' and watch the babes." Trace grunts, taking a seat on a nearby bench.

"Since when do you interject about fine women?" I furrow my brows at him. Is this bitch for real?

"Since I wanted to go clubbing tonight and not be stuck here instead." He snaps at me and I frown.

"You still have time to go clubbing Trace. It's only like minutes to 8. You know, you could workout with me. You could stand to tone up a bit." I reply before he shoots me a death glare. Well, it's true. If he would stop pigging out on fast food so much I'd not make that remark.

Brushing him off, I look around the gym for a brief moment, hoping I'll find the person I'm looking for. I didn't have any intensions to workout tonight, but I could maybe hop on the treadmill and bike for a few rounds.

Finally spotting my target, I move through the sweaty bodies and equipment, pausing along the way to check out the fine ladies. Damn, maybe I should work my charm and get a few digits. I note the shock on some of their faces when the realization of who I am hits them.

Smiling smugly, I walk right up to the person I came here to see.

He's down on one of those gym mats doing seat-ups. When he sees me he stops his workout and stands to greet me with a handshake.

"Justin! What's up man? I was waiting for you. Long time no see." He grins at me and I smile back before releasing the handshake.

"Yeah man. I know." I reply swaying a bit as I scan the room. My eyes land on a very familiar man lifting weights, but I can't seem to place who it is. All I know is if he continues, his muscles are going to rip that shirt apart. Body building wannabe...Diverting my attention back to the person I was talking to I scratch under my chin in thought. "So, how have you been Jeremy?" I ask, and he shrugs his shoulders.

"You know, grinding. Doing what I love." He replies and I nod.

"Well I'm just letting you know that the offer is still on the table. And if you'll accept, you could come into my office on Monday and finalize everything. Johnny recommended you so I'm sure you're excellent." I state.

"What's her name?" He asks curiously.

"Yolanda Glenmore." I respond praying that he'll say yes and take the job offer.

"She's not one of those spoilt ones is she?"

Laughing nervously I shake my head. Sorry to say it, but if he takes this job, he's going to have a handful. "Yeah, but I have no doubt that you can whip her into shape."

"Hmmm, so, how much exactly does this personal trainer job pay?"

Smiling widely, I already know he's going to accept my offer. "Come to my office on Monday and we'll discuss the details."

"Ok cool man. Well it was nice seeing you again Justin. I'm about to head out so, we'll see on Monday." He responds and I agree with him, giving him another handshake, before he gathers his stuff and walks away.

Well that went well. I'm happy about that. Now, maybe I should go ahead and put my stuff in one of them lockers at the back, near the showers, so I can take a fast work out and get the hell out of here.

Grabbing all my belongings, I head straight for the back of the gym after Trace begged me to hurry the hell up. I mean seriously, he really needs to workout more. And Lonnie was no help either. He just sat there laughing at Trace. What an asshole. At least he's my bodyguard so, I can't complain really.

Rounding the corner and clearly not minding my business, I smack right into someone. Just fucking great. Watching the aerobics class is so not worth this shit.

"Watch the fuck where you're...." Trailing off, I swallow my words as I focus in on a pair of familiar hazel orbs. Hell no is this happening. What are the odds of that?

"Jahzara?" I whisper in a state of shock. Does the big guy upstairs have it in for me? I mean, I've finally cleared her out of my thoughts and believe me when I say it wasn't easy. I think I also treated her like shit the past week when doing it. And now here I am, facing her near the lockers of this gym and...What the fuck is this?

"Hey Mr. Timberlake." She replies, breaking our staring competition as her eyes dart around the hallway. "I'm sorry; I'll be out of your way." She adds in a small, weak voice, trying to move past me but I block her path.

"Zara what are you doing here?" So I'm curious. Who wouldn't be? It's not like I see her outside of the office. Taking in her figure, I notice she has on an extremely tight red top that stops just above her navel. She also has on a pair of tight jeans shorts. Holy molly, am I seeing clearly? Wow, is that a navel ring? What the fuck?! Oh no, not again. Back up Timberlake. Just back the fuck up. I can't deal with this. How does she manage to hide that body at work? And her stomach is so flat and toned, but, but....she...she's not slim. She...oh god.

"I was just here working out with my brother. Why?" She's eying me suspiciously now, and I have to control my hormones because looking at her is driving me insane. Down boys...give daddy a break huh?

"Oh ok, I was just surprised seeing you here that's all." I respond, but maybe that didn't come out right.

"Oh really? And why is that Mr. Timberlake? Is it because of my size? What, big girls can't gym too? It's ok you know. You don't have to say it. It's written all over your face." She snaps at me.

It is? It's really written all over my face? She's so wrong. Because all I can think of right now, is stripping her of what she's wearing. But I guess she's right. She looks like the woman back at the club now. Is she a shape shifter or something? Oh, but the curves are most definitely there. You'd have to be blind to miss them. Wait, she just spoke to me right? What did she say again?

"Uh..." I rub my hands behind my neck, trying to think of an answer to her forward statement.

Shaking her head at me and letting out a depressing sigh, she moves to the side to continue on her journey. "Goodbye Mr. Timberlake. See you at work on Monday." And just like that, she's gone...

Still standing in place, I cock my head to the side staring off into space. That was....

"Strange..." I voice, passing my hands over my buzz cut.

Crinkling my nose in thought, I head over to the lockers, stuffing my duffle bag in one of them, and then head back out to the front of the gym.

When I get out, I notice Jahzara and the same guy I saw lifting weights earlier, exit the gym. I guess they're leaving. Oh, now I remember him. That's her brother...Mal...something. Yeah.

Goddamn it, all of a sudden I feel terrible for the way I've been treating her the past week. She doesn't deserve it. I was being a huge asshole. Maybe I should apologize to her. Maybe I'll apologize on Monday.

In the mean time, I'm about to get my run on as I view the main course for the evening. Ah yes, the aerobics class is just about to start and I can already feel JT junior waking up as I view the endless tight asses, moving around in those tight gym shorts.

Glancing over at Trace I realize he's glued to his seat as he and Lonnie take in the sight in front of them.

Smirking, I start up the treadmill for my workout. I told that dick head he'd enjoy coming down here with me. I knew he couldn't resist. He's over there drooling like an idiot and I can't help the smug smile that's on my face knowing I was right yet again. What can I say; it's the gift of being me...Mr. JT.

****
Hours later...

I can't believe he bumped into me like that tonight. What was even more embarrassing was the way he examined me with his eyes. I guess he finds me repulsive...I don't know. I wouldn't blame him if he did. I feel the same way about myself. I need to build up some self-esteem. It's like he was drilling right through my soul or something with his stares. I'm shuddering just thinking about it. But you know what? I'm not going to let Justin ruin my night. I'm going to seat here with my bro and enjoy our traditional Friday night pizza and a movie.

Grabbing a can of sprite, I open it quickly and take a few gulps before I hear Malcolm speak up. We just popped in the Rush Hour 3 DVD. I love that movie. It's hilarious. I've got to get my Chris Tucker fix man.

"So word is, Jeremy Rowland was asking about you." Malcolm states and I turn to eye him strangely. Who the hell is Jeremy?

"Huh?"

"The guy you bumped into earlier today." He supplies, taking a sip of his Pepsi.

Well I know it's not Justin so...oh...that guy!

"Oh yeah, how did you know?" I asked as the opening credits float across the screen.

"I saw. But that's beside the point. I know him, he's always in there training when he's not working and you know I'm at the gym every chance I get."

I nod my head nudging him to continue.

"So anyway, when you went to the back I told him you were my sister, and he asked me if it was ok that he called you some time."

"What?" I nearly choke on my sprite. Is Malcolm for real? "Are you shitting me?"

Shaking his head no, he shrugs and gives his full attention to the television screen. "I told him, he'll have to deal with you on his own. I'm not supplying any help or information. Because I could clearly not like him since he has some sort of interest in you. You're my baby sister Zary. I don't take nicely to any guy who's interested unless he comes really well with his game. Besides, you've been hurt in the past and if any guy makes you cry I'll beat on them so bad. I just love you sis. Mom and Dad aren't here to protect you so it's my job now. Plus, Jeremy has a hectic life. He's a celebrity fitness trainer. He's always out on tour or traveling with his clients. It wouldn't work out." Malcolm admits and I can't help but smile at him. He's so sweet and protective. But trust me when I say it's ten times worse since he's a cop and I feel sorry for any guy who crosses him the wrong way.

"Aww Malky. That's was beautiful." I pretend to tear and he rolls his eyes at me. "But I can take care of myself." I grin sheepishly.

"Yeah, yeah, just be careful. Anyway shut up and let's watch the movie eh?" He grabs a slice of pizza and I do the same.

"Ok whatever you say officer." I mock and stick my tongue out at him, causing him to chuckle. Giggling, I take a huge bite of my cheese pizza then lie on his shoulder, instantly becoming engrossed in the movie. Man, Chris Tucker dancing and singing always cracks me up...

Yeah, this is a good Friday, just chilling with my best friend. He really is you know. Malcolm and I share a tight bond. I guess it's because we had to take care of each other after our parents died and Aunt Patrice left. Either way, I value his opinions and advice, especially about the male species since he's one himself.

If he thinks Jeremy is bad for me, then I won't take him up on the ‘fitness trainer' offer. But damn, the man is fine. Hell, he even gives Justin some competition. But don't tell Justin I said that. What a bruise to his overly huge ego that would be. You know, now that I think of it, maybe his ego could stand to deflate some. Either way, I'm just content right now sitting here on my couch watching this movie. If anything, I'll deal with the despair that is my job and the jerk that is my ‘sexy' boss on Monday.

****

Quote by: Unknown

2 days later

Monday morning...

You Make Me Better

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

"Tennman Records, this is Jahzara speaking how may I help you?" I answer, gripping the phone tightly to my ears.

"Miss Gilmore! How are you today?" Comes a familiar voice over the line.

"Oh hi, Mr. Wright., I'm doing well and you?" I ask with a bright smile. He's just always so nice to me.

"I'm good, things are good. Listen, you do know that Justin is scheduled to travel this weekend to LA with Yolanda right?"

"Uh huh."

"Ok, just making sure that everything is in order." He replies.

"Everything is set Sir. His flight is scheduled for Saturday night." I respond, fiddling with my black blouse.

"Good, do you think you can transfer me to his office?" He asks politely. Johnny is such a pleasant man. Justin could take lessons from him on how to talk to people.

"Of course, please hold." I quickly press the hold button and dial the extension to Justin's line. After maybe half a ring he picks up.

"Morning Zara." He greets me in a soft tone and I pause for a split second. Did he just say that to me? Wow, he must be in a good mood.

"Good morning Mr. Timberlake. I have Mr. Wright on line one." I quickly reply. I don't want his mood to change on me. I swear that man goes through the worse mood swings. More so than a woman with PMS. It's amazing.

"Ok, put him through and please come up to my office. I need to have a word with you. I've already sent Mallory down to take your place for a while." He states and I could have sworn I heard her in the background of his office grunting or something. I know she doesn't like me. She makes it so obvious too. But why? I've barely even said five words to the woman.

"O...ok...Sir. I'm putting Mr. Wright through now." I quickly transfer his call in fear that he might yell or bitch at me or something. It's not my fault, I'm a little afraid of him. He can be very hot and cold with a person you know.

Pushing back my chair, I stand up straight, fixing my black blouse and knee length grey skirt. Ok, so today, I wore a skirt instead of my usual pant suits. I figure I have these clothes in the wardrobe taking dust, so I might as well put them to good use.

Now entering the elevators, I'm greeted by none other than Jeffery Rush himself. Giving him a huge smile, I press the button to Justin's floor, watching the doors close before I rest back against the elevator wall.

"Oh you look nice today Z. Your hair is cute the way you styled it down and you're wearing a skirt! Who's the lucky guy?" He chortles, nudging the side of my arm.

Turning to face him I smile brightly. "Thanks Jeff. You always know how to make a girl feel good about herself. But it's just a personal change for me. No guy." I add sadly.

"Oh, don't worry babe. It will happen." He assures with a big grin before the doors open on his floor and he walks out. Man, have I told you how attractive this man is? I wish he was the guy. To hell with Justin. I need to move on with my life.

Nodding at his statement he turns to face me suddenly.

"We'll do lunch later ok babe? I'll swing by your desk around 1. You pick the place and I'll buy. Does that sound good?" He asks, holding the elevator doors open for my answer.

Oh my god...I'm literally stunned stupid. I'm just standing there speechless. Say something you imbecile! Did Jeffery Rush just ask me out on a lunch date? Holy....

"Yeah that's fine." I try to keep a calm voice but I want to scream right now from excitement. This can not be happening to me.

"Sweet. See you later babe." He winks at me before he releases his hold on the doors and they close bringing me up to Justin's floor.

"Oh my god..." I breathe with anticipation, just as the doors open on Justin's floor. I'm on cloud nine right now. I don't care how pathetic I'm being. It's just two employees out to lunch but that's huge for me. Hopefully, we could maybe get to know each other better. Anyway, on to more pressing issues...

Making my way up the hall to Justin's office, I knock lightly on the wooden vanished door. Why do I feel self conscious all of a sudden? Maybe it's because, he always seems to be examining me, taking me apart piece by piece with his eyes. But he has the most beautiful blue eyes. Damn, I need to stop this nonsense.

Hearing him say ‘come in', I slowly twist the knob, pushing the doors open before I walk into his overly huge and spacious office. There's even a leather couch in there. Damn, C.E.Os live large man.

Feeling my heart beat increase and my nerves take over, I watch in slow motion as he lifts his head form his mountain of papers, locking eyes with me before he gives me a warm smile.

****

"Hey Zara." I smile at her as she seems glued in place just staring back at me. I honestly think she's afraid of me. But that's beside the point right now, because as my eyes begin to scan her, I'm realizing just how beautiful she looks today. Wow, did I just say she looks beautiful? Oh hell Na! What the hell man. This is so frustrating. And she's wearing a skirt! Well, not like the one at the club. I just can't seem to get that night out of my mind. But damn, she looks so feminine today. And her clothes are fitted on her body. It makes her look sizes smaller too, than the baggy stuff she always wears. Ok, take a breather Justin. I'm acting up just like I did when I saw her at the gym on Friday. Oh...but I definitely want to see that navel ring again. It was hot.

"Have a seat Zara, don't be shy. I won't bite." I chortle and I notice her arch her brows at my statement. Interesting. Well I won't bite unless she wants me too....ok that was the last sexual thought. I need to control myself. I'm the boss here. Yeah.

I watch intently as she pulls up a chair and seats directly in front on me on the other side of my desk. Still smiling at her, I put a paper in front of her, or more so a contract. Today is the day she gets the good news. Everything is finalized with Johnny so I can tell her now. Remember when I said I might consider giving her another option from her dull desk job? Well, this is it. Plus, Johnny likes her a lot and that's good enough for me.

"What is this?" she asks, scanning the contract curiously.

"This is a contract that I'd like you to sign..." I drift off when she snaps her head up at me. She seems so lost right now. It's so cute. And she has the most hypnotizing hazel eyes. Why haven't I noticed how piercing they were before?

Clearing my throat uncomfortably, I shift in my seat a bit. "Like I was saying..." I proceed, "I'd like you to consider a job offer I have for you. It pays a lot more than your previous job and you'll still be working under Tennman records." When I notice she's silent still listening to me I continue. "The job is for a PA" I begin, but she interrupts me.

"You want me to be a Personal Assistant?" She asks incredulously.

"Yes, more specifically, I want you to be Yolanda Glenmore's Personal Assistant, which means if you accept, you'll be traveling with us to LA on Saturday." I rectify as she frowns. Ok, that's not the reaction I was hoping for.

Standing abruptly she just glares at me with fiery eyes. What the fuck man? Now when I'm being nice, she's bitching.

"What is this Justin? Some sick joke? Do you feel that sorry for me or something? I don't need you taking any pity on me. If you want to fire me go ahead or better yet I can just quit and be out of your hair. I don't have to stay here and take your sympathy card." She snaps, breathing heavily.

What the....ok, firstly did she just call me by my first name?! That's some serious disrespect right there. Has she forgotten I'm her fucking boss? Oh hell no is this going down today. This woman has issues man. Standing to face her, I clutch my fist together. I can't believe I was actually being kind to her. She doesn't deserve my kindness if she's going to be so rude and out of character.

"Am I missing something here Zara?" I chide.

"Yes, you are. All you've ever done is treat me like shit and ignore me. I honestly don't care that you're my employer right now, because you don't care and seem to forget I'm a human being...Just...I mean, Mr. Timberlake. It's not fair, you know? You're the boss; you should make sure your employees are comfortable and happy with their jobs. And guess what I'm not! And you're making it so much harder when you walk around here like you're the shit and just step over people crushing their confidence and self-esteem." She pauses to take in a deep breath and honestly, right now, my eyes are as wide as saucers. I've done all that to her? When did this happen? Holy shit. She's making me out to be some kind of monster.

"Look, I'm sorry...I'll just pack up my desk and leave or something. I honestly can't deal with working for you anymore." She laments and I can see the tears taking over her perfect hazel eyes.

Oh my god...what's happening? She's quitting now? Holy crap, did the universe just shift on me? I was just making a proposition. I thought she'd be thrilled, not explode like a ticking time bomb.

I still haven't said anything. I'm too shocked, as I see her walking to the exit.

Rushing over to the door, I grip unto her arm for her not to leave. Casting her gaze down to my hold, she finally locks eyes with me as I see a single tear roll down her cheeks. Ok, I'm seriously missing something here. Something just doesn't make sense. And, I hate to see women cry. Especially if I'm the cause. It makes me feel really low you know?

"Let me go." She mutters and I do just that. "What do you want form me?" She whines. "It's bad enough you always look down on me and size me up with disgust or something. And..."

"Stop it Zara!" I finally voice in a loud yell, startling her and myself. "You're mistaken ok? Listen; just consider the job offer please. I'd really like if you accepted it. The pay is ten times better and you won't be stuck in front of a desk whole day. You'll get to travel a lot. I can organize some training for you since you'll be new to the world of PAs. But all that's water under the bridge." I speak calmly as she keeps eyeing me. I guess she's trying to figure out if I'm being sincere or not. The truth is, seeing her cry makes me regret the way I've been treating her. She's right you know. I'm still shocked at how she just stood up to me but I guess I deserved it. I guess hearing her say that makes me realize that I'm a total jerk to not just her, but most of my employees.

"Look, Zara. I don't want you to quit and I'm not going to fire you. Just try to be more focused and stop daydreaming so much ok? And, uh, I guess this is my way of apologizing for being a jerk of a boss. But, try giving me your answer at the end of the day ok?" I smile and she finally smiles back at me. Thank god. I release a breath of relief. She's smiling now, I can deal with that. Plus, she has a sweet smile too.

Ok, maybe she should leave now. I'm paying way too much attention to her. Shit, I just fucking softened up my demeanor for her. But, I'm glad that my apology made her feel better. Still, what's wrong with this picture? I rarely ever apologize and I've done so with her on more than one occasion. I'll be damned if she has any type of effect on me what so ever.

"Ok Mr. Timberlake. And I'm sorry for my disrespect. It won't happen again." She turns to exit my office wiping at her face but I call out to her again.

"Zara..." I drift off, as I contemplate on my next statement. I could easily get bit in the ass for doing this but... "I'm having a cook out at my house on Friday. I'd like it if you came. It's just going to be close friends and family and a few executives from the office. You're invited to come. Hopefully, you'll accept the job offer and get to meet Yolanda." I notice her hesitancy so I continue talking. "Jeffery will be there, I know he's friends with you. Mallory will be there too and so will Tameka. You can mix with them and get to know them better." I add, clutching unto the door knob.

Fiddling with her nail tips...again...she bows her head in thought for a moment before she finally responds. "Ok Sir. You'll have to give me directions. Anyway, I'm going to head back down to my desk. Bye." She waves at me and begins to walk away not waiting for my reply.

Still looking at Zara's retreating form, I shake my head with a smile when I notice her swaying butt. Damn, it's still succulent though. What can I say? I'm a man for goodness sake.

Chuckling to myself, I head back into my office shutting the door, just in time to hear Mallory over the speaker phone letting me know that Jeremy Rowland is here to see me.

I tell her to send him up, and reclaim my seat loosening my tie around my neck as I lean back in my leather chair. On to more business...it just never ends. But I'm not complaining.

****

Ok, so my hands are trembling right now as I press the ground floor button in the elevator. I can't believe I just did that. And more importantly, I can't believe he didn't fire me for practically yelling him out.

What's come over me? It's like, I'm someone else. What's changed? Could it be that having to deal with Justin and his arrogant behavior is turning me into a ‘better person?' I mean, I'm definitely learning to stand up for myself more. The look on his face was priceless too. I think I rendered him speechless for a brief moment. But even after all that he apologized. It was bittersweet. I guess maybe he has some decent human emotions and felt bad.

But Damn it, I could never even think of pulling such a stunt again. I'd be fired for sure if I did. I guess I allowed everything to build up and just couldn't take it anymore. I kind of feel bad about it now but maybe he deserved it.

Taking in deep breaths to calm my nerves, the doors to the elevators open as I feel like I'm on the verge of passing out. My head is spinning so bad right now, but I've forgotten about that because I'm now face to face with Mallory who's rolling her eyes at me and....

"Jeremy?" I whisper a bit stunned to see him there. He looks even better all dressed up in his plaid shirt and long jeans. He lifts his sunglasses from his eyes allowing me to look into those spectacular light brown orbs.

"Hey girl! What are the odds?" He smiles, pulling me out of the elevators to give me a hug. Wow, I don't know you like that buddy...back up. Pushing away from his hold, I realize Mallory is staring at us intrigued by our interaction.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him curiously.

"About to go see Justin. You?" He inquires.

"I work here." I smile shyly. The truth is, I'm thinking I caught Justin on a good day, else he might have not taken so kindly to my outburst and fire me.

"Oh, that's great. Well, I'll definitely get back to you then. But I don't want to be late for my meeting so we'll see each other soon ok?" He grins, entering the elevators with Mallory behind. Damn, she's so annoying, with her tight clothes and high heels she can barely walk in.

Plastering a fake smile on my face, I nod for him and turn to walk away after he tells me ‘bye'.

Making it back to my desk I sit down with a huff and frown in thought. How do you analyze Justin's reaction towards me? And what's with that look he keeps giving me? I hate to say it, but it looks almost like there's some sort of desire or lust twinkling in his eyes. But that's impossible. If so, it couldn't be directed at me. I mean it's me. I'm just another employee to him. So why did he offer me that PA job? And, I'm wondering if I should take it. It might be good for me. I'm going to need Malcolm's advice on this. In the mean time, I just need to clear my mind and focus on my work. Shit, I have heap of documents to type up. Just perfect. I better get started then...

~~~~~~

So I had a wonderful day today. I went to lunch with Jeffery and sadly, it was just a friendly lunch date. But I didn't mind, because we got to know each other better and he really is a nice guy. I guess we're just not compatible. Well, it's cool with me. I can deal with that. I'm just packing up my stuff to leave for the day. It's already late, and I'm going to miss the Oprah show if I don't get home now. Yeah, I'm an Oprah fan. Who aren't these days?

Anyway, after shutting off my computer, I head out of the building and to the parking lot. Tossing my items in the back seat, I hop into the driver's side starting up the car to pull out of the parking lot. Only, the car won't start!

"Oh shit! Don't do this to me." I cry out, turning the key in the ignition only to have my Celica make a knocking noise. "Damn it!" I hit the steering wheel in frustration. "Please start." I try again, but this time I hear a loud bang before I see smoke ooze out from under the hood.

"Ahhhh Fuck!" I yell through frustration. "Just fucking great!" I belt, rubbing at my temples. I don't need this shit right now. I can't even call Malcolm because he's on duty today. Maybe I can call Jeffery?

Grabbing my cell out of my pocket, I flip the device open dialing Jeffery's number. After a few rings his voicemail picks up and I groan through frustration flipping the phone shut.

"You stupid Celica." I curse, getting out of the ride and slamming the door shut. Propping against my car, I rack my brain for an idea. Maybe I can call a cab. Yeah that would work....

"Jahzara?"

Hearing my name I whip around to be greeted by none other than Justin. Fantastic. Such a magnificent ending to a wonderful day...Damn it.

"Oh hey Mr. Timberlake." I reply meekly.

"Are you ok? Car trouble?" He asks, walking up to me with his keys dangling between his fingers.

"No. I'm fine." I lie, moving away from him.

"Really? Because your car is smoking." He arches his brows at me and I shrug.

"What do you want?" I ask politely. I really don't want to deal with him right now, especially after what happened this morning.

Ignoring my statement, he moves to the front of the car looking at me with a comical glare. "Pop the hood Zara." He instructs.

Skeptically, I do as I'm told as I watch him roll up his sleeves before he bends forward to check for the problem.

I know I should be grateful, but I'm still kind of embarrassed by how I behaved earlier. I'm just waiting for him to send me that pink slip stating they won't need my services anymore.

Finally closing the hood, he dusts his hands on his clothes and ambles over to me.

"Well," He scratches under the light stubble on his chin. "Your battery is dead, plus you didn't put any oil or battery water in the car. Which must have caused it to over heat, thus the smoke. This car isn't going anywhere unless it has a new battery." He adds with a light chuckle when I frown at him. "You don't know too much about vehicles do you?" He asks and I shake my head blushing slightly. "It's ok, most women don't." He laughs, rolling back down his sleeves. Well, that was nice of him I think. But I'm still stuck here.

"So..."

"Come on, I'll take you home and you can send the toe-truck tomorrow morning." He adds, cutting me off.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I quickly reply, as his face contorts with confusion. Does he not know how wrong this is? And why is he being so kind to me?

****

I'm just trying to help her out here. There's no need for the snooty attitude. Besides, it's getting late and everyone is clearing out. I don't want her waiting here for a cab all by herself. Wasn't she the one who said I should pay more attention to my employees' well being?

"It's ok Zara. I don't think anything is wrong with me helping out a fellow co-worker." I smile, but she's still serious just staring at me. I swear that freaks me the hell out. I have no idea what she's thinking. Maybe she's plotting my murder? That wouldn't be surprising. She seems to have some sort of problem with me.

"Fine..." She sighs, giving in, as she takes her belongings out of her car, locking it in the process.

Grinning, I lead her over to my Mercedes at the reserved parking section. Shutting off the alarm and unlocking the doors, she hops in and so do I, before I put the car in drive and peel out of the parking lot.

Switching lanes, we've been driving in silence for the past fifteen or so minutes with just the radio filtering through. It's on one of those R&B/Hip-Hop stations. I occasionally steal glances at Zara noticing that she's just staring out the window not saying anything.

I wonder what's going through her mind this very second. Shifting in my seat, I pull at my seat belt adjusting it over my chest. I swear those things are beyond irritating. Stopping at a red light, I listen intently as the radio DJ switches the track over to Jay Holiday's ‘Bed'.

"What the hell man?" I laugh loudly before groaning, causing Zara to divert her attention to me.

"What?" She asks me, darting her eyes to the dials on the radio.

"Nothing." I shrug, still smiling to myself, as I replay the night I danced with her at the club in my mind.

"You don't like the song? I think it's a sexy way of a guy telling his girl he loves her. Don't you?" She smiles at me and I briefly lock eyes with her noting the amusement on her face before I turn my attention back to the road.

Chortling, I shake my head agreeing with her. "I like it." I reply. But, if she only knew.

"Cool." And with that, her attention is back out the window again.

"So, care to tell me where I'm going?"

"Just get unto Kirkman and I'll direct you from there." She replies before I hear her cell go off.

I notice her grab the item from her bag scanning its contents before she puts it away.

"Great..." She mutters.

"Something wrong?" I inquire, finally getting unto Kirkman road.

"Just, my brother won't be home tonight. He's working a double shift." She mumbles.

I nod, not saying anything as I continue driving in silence.

"He's a police officer and I'm just always so scared for him that one day he won't come home." She rambles on.

So her brother's a cop? That's...heroic...I guess. "You live with him?"

"Yeah. Just the two of us." She seems sad or depressed now. I wonder where their parents are. It's cool though. They must be close. "Take a right here. It's right up the street." She directs me and I instantly turn at the next light.

We continue driving in silence, until she instructs me to pull up into some apartment complex. Wow, this is where she lives? What a dump. Well, maybe if she takes the PA job, she'll be able to afford somewhere better.

Shutting off the car at the front of the leasing office, I turn to look at her as she gathers her stuff opening the door to exit. "Thanks for the ride home Mr. Timberlake." She smiles, before she exits shutting the door.

"You're welcome Zara. Hey, did you make up your mind about the job offer?" I bend forward to look at her as she leans over the window in thought.

"I guess I'll take it. But I want to discuss it with my brother first."

"That's fine, just tell me your final decision and I'll have you sign those documents."

"Ok, well bye Mr. Timberlake. See you at work tomorrow." She waves at me as she moves away from the ride when I start it up again.

"Bye Zara....oh and Zara?" I call out to her retreating form. Turning to face me, she nods for me to continue. Sticking out my head from the window I grin at her. "Call me Justin from now on ok?" I state before I wink at her and drive out of the compound not waiting to see her reaction or hear a reply. If I'm right, she's probably still standing in that same spot as clueless as ever by my statement. Watching through the rear-view mirror I realize I'm right. Chuckling to myself, I shake my head as I turn up the radio pulling out of the complex and unto kirkman, so I can head home for a well deserved nap as Neyo's "You make me better" blasts through my speakers...

****

Quote by: Leo Buscaglia

4 days later...

Late Friday afternoon...

A Single Gesture Speaks Volumes

"You know about a person who deeply interests you more than you can be told. A look, a gesture, an act, which to everybody else is insignificant, tells you more about that one person than words can."

"I can do this, I can do this." I speak out loud, pacing back and forth in my small living room anxiously as I watch the digital clock next to the television. It's fifteen minutes to 7 and at 7 o'clock tonight, my brother is going to walk through that door, ready to drive me over to Justin's cookout. I just got my car fixed yesterday but I don't really want to drive today. Anyway, who has a cookout in the night? Isn't it supposed to be a day thing? I guess Justin will improvise since we had to be at work for the day.

Incase you were wondering, I spoke to Malcolm and we both decided that I should take the PA job. I really need the cash and I guess my dream of leaving this boring desk job is also coming true. So, on Wednesday, I signed all the papers Justin wanted me to sign. It's odd really, but he's been really kind this entire week. At first, I thought I was in some prolonged dream that I'd wake up from at any minute, but so far I'm still dreaming. I still haven't gotten use to calling him by his first name, but every time I call him Mr. Timberlake he corrects me. He even made a joke that Mr. Timberlake is his dad and it makes him feel old. How odd is that?

To make things worse, Mallory came into his office yesterday when Justin was discussing the plane tickets and our schedule in LA to me. She saw us talking and laughing and the scowl on her face made her look like some she-devil from the underworld. I think she grew horns too! At that exact moment, I knew that she and Justin had something going on.

He tried to play it off, but when I called him Justin, she practically blew up. She was like ‘what's going on here?' and all that crap a jealous girlfriend would do. It was funny too, because I know Justin doesn't want anyone knowing about them. Anyway, he kept his cool with her and explained to her that I was Yolanda's new PA and I'd be traveling with them. I swear, the woman exploded on the inside, because she turned this bright shade of red. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips, causing Justin to divert his attention to me and smile. It's just so amazing how nice he's been with me you know? But I'm still wondering why and how long it will last.

Either way, I'm grateful and so is my brother. He even called the office and thanked Justin on the phone. I thought it was admirable, because Malcolm always says that Justin has a pole permanently wedged up his ass from being a spoilt celebrity. He said Justin wouldn't be able to survive a regular job as a regular person without all his money and fame. I think he's wrong though, because Justin worked really hard to get where he is...

So, I just finished packing my last suitcase to head to the airport tomorrow and I'm now sitting on my couch in cold sweat, nervous about the night's event to come. It's 7:10 now, and somehow I'm thinking about backing out, but Justin told me he'd be waiting for my arrival when work was over today. Man, mixing with his friends, family, and fellow executives is going to be the most challenging thing for me. I like to avoid people. I don't like people sizing me up and judging me, but that's what they're going to do. I can just sense it....

"I...can...do...this." I mutter, before the door to the apartment swings open and in walks...

"Jeffery?" I ask surprised. "What are you doing here?" As soon as that statement leaves my lips, Malcolm steps into sight.

"I'm here to take you to the cookout girl. We're both going to the same place and I know where it is. Your bro thought that would be more convenient." Jeffery walks over to me and takes a seat on the couch instantly making himself at home.

I dart my eyes over to Malcolm for an explanation but he just shrugs. "I got called in on duty tonight Zary, I'm sorry. Jeff can take you." He apologizes, before heading into the kitchen to pull out a beer from the refrigerator.

"Oh...ok." I reply wearily. I hate my brother's line of work. I hope he'll be ok. I can't deal with a trip to the emergency room. But he'll be fine. I'm the one who might need to be rushed to the hospital from a panic attack.

"I can do this...." I mumble causing Jeffery to eye me strangely.

"Do what Z?" He asks, pulling my hand to stand.

"Huh? Oh nothing. Let's go then." I walk towards the door with him, telling my brother bye and to be careful in the process.

Finally making it out to Jeffery's Escalade, we hop in and strap up before he pulls out of the parking lot of the apartment complex.

Well, here goes nothing...

About an hour later, we finally turn into a street of a very quiet and expensive neighborhood.

I'm in awe as I stare out the window at all the mansions we pass by. They're all so beautiful. I can't wait to see what Justin's own looks like. I know he lives in style, but this is going to be my first time seeing him in his habitat...no uptight, big shot C.E.O. Just Justin, at home with his close peers. This should be interesting.

Snapping out of my trance, I look over at Jeff as he pulls up to some large black gates. I watch intently as he speaks through some intercom system before the gates open and he drives up the driveway.

"Oh wow..." I whisper as I take in the large estate and winding driveway. The grass and plants are perfectly manicured and his home is this huge two or three story white mansion. Damn, Justin's really blessed. I'm happy for him.

Finally parking behind a red Porsche both Jeffery and I exit the ride as I look around at my environment.

"Amazing." I say with a light whistle.

"Did you expect anything less from Mr. Timberlake?" Jeffery jokes causing me to giggle. He's right. "Come on." He grips my hand and leads me to the front door, ringing the door bell in the process.

There's a full blown party going on in there. I can hear endless talking, laughing and music blasting.

A few seconds later, the door swings open and we're greeted by...

"Trace! What's up man?" Jeffery lets go of my hand to give him a handshake and a light hug.

"I'm good, I'm good." Trace smiles before he diverts his attention to me suddenly turning serious. Oh no, I move to hide behind Jeffery but he stops me.

"Trace this is Jahzara Gilmore. She works with us at Tennman Records." Jeffery introduces us with a grin.

Trace is still there just standing and staring at me interestingly. I can see the curiosity in his eyes as to why I'm here. I'm not on the board or one of the executives like Jeffery, Tameka and Mallory.

"What do you do?" Trace asks me nosily.

"Uh...well..." I stutter, before I notice someone come up behind him.

"She's Yolanda's new PA." I hear a smooth familiar voice before Justin appears from behind the door with a beer in his hand. I can feel the air lodge in my throat as I take in his form. He's wearing long dark jeans, black sneakers, and a long sleeved button down black shirt. Oh my god, he looks amazing! And he smells good too...as always. Inhaling deeply, I plaster a tight smile on my face.

"Glad to see you made it." Justin smiles at me, before he pushes Trace out of the way, who's still glaring at me by the way, allowing us to enter.

Ok, so I don't need to go into detail on how lavish this place is. For anyone who's seen MTV cribs, you get the picture because Justin's home is no different. It's just styled to his liking.

Scanning around the room, I take in all the familiar celebrity faces, family members, friends, entourage and various co-workers. Ok, maybe I can't do this. Maybe I should just post up in a corner whole night away from everyone, but I don't think Justin will allow that, because he's now standing in my line of sight. Looking over my shoulder I realize Jeffery and Trace left and are nowhere to be seen. Oh no...

"So, drinks are in the kitchen, so is the food. We just finished the barbeque a while ago, so we took the party indoors since it's getting dark. If you need to use the bathroom, there're three down here just let me know and I'll direct you to one. Make yourself at home...well..." He looks around before he chuckles. "Make yourself as comfortable as possible. And feel free to mingle; you can meet a few celebrities if you'd like. Yolanda isn't here yet, but she'll be here." He pauses for a brief moment as he stares directly into my eyes. What's up with those unnerving glares?

"You look nice." He finally voices before he breaks the eye contact, gripping unto my arm and leading me into the kitchen. I don't see how tight light jeans and a simple green top constitutes as me looking nice. Uh ok...thank you?

Nodding, I still haven't said anything. I'm a little star stuck here. I think I just saw JC! He was always my favorite when Nsync were together, but don't tell Justin I said that.

Now in the kitchen, I lean against his marbled island, as he discards the beer he was drinking. Opening a cooler, I watch as he digs through the various drinks and ice.

"What do you want to drink Zara?" He asks with his back facing me.

You...do you come hot, cold or chilled? I smile at that thought, forgetting he even asked me a question until he turns to eye me arching his brows in the process.

"Huh?" I mutter causing Justin to frown as he scratches under his chin in thought.

"Why are you always so zoned out? What could possibly have you so disconnected with reality?" He enquires, walking over to me with a wine cooler in his hand.

He's now standing right in front of me, like literally. There are only maybe centimeters separating our bodies from touching. Oh wow, my hormones are kicking in. Behave girls! Now is a bad time! I wish he'd back the hell up.

"Uh..." You're the reason I daydream so much. Can't you tell you clueless retard! I hate being so attracted to you. It's so wrong! I press into the island, trying to make some space between us as he's just watching me intently like he's trying to read my mind or something.

****

I'd really like to know why she seems so dazed half the time. Oh and did I mention how cute she looks tonight? Is it wrong to develop a personal liking for one of my employees? And before you state the obvious, Mallory doesn't count. I don't like her. I can barely stand her. She's just a good fuck that's all. But Zara, there's something uncannily alluring about her. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's how lost she always seems to be or how her eyebrows do this cute little arch and her lips curl into this light smile when she's nervous or deep in thought. Whatever it is, she's just too shy, quiet, decent and courteous. It's very unusual.

But then, she's not like most women. She lacks a whole lot of self-esteem and confidence. I don't blame her really. I can't relate, but I sort of understand where her high level of self-consciousness comes from. She's not exactly ‘America's Next Top Model'. Thinking about that makes me smile, because Tameka is a Tyra Banks look alike. Ha, the resemblance is amazing too.

Breaking from my thoughts, I notice Zara's questionable glares as she just stares at me quietly. We've been standing there in silence for the past few seconds or minutes...I'm not sure really. Can we say awkward? But, I don't want to move. I like making her feel uncomfortable. It's funny. Besides, she's practically squirming.

I'm now aware of how close we are when I feel her warm breath on my neck as she exhales loudly. Oh shit...

"Justin what's keeping you so..."

Snapping my head to the entrance of my kitchen, I notice Mallory standing there with her hand on her hips and an evil glare on her face.

"What?" I asked dumbfounded. I think Mallory has steam coming out of her ears. Jesus, it's not like anything was happening? I think I was just waiting for Zara to answer my question on why she daydreams so much. That jealous bitch...

"Please move Mr. Timberlake." I hear Zara whisper weakly as I turn to look at her.

"What?" I frown, before realization hits me. She can't move. I've practically sandwiched her between me and my island. "Oh! Right..." I hand her the cooler and instantly back away creating space between us, still keeping my gaze on her. I really don't want to deal with Mallory right now. I swear...I will send her flying out of some window somewhere if she pisses me off tonight.

"Thanks." Zara clutches unto the wine cooler and I give her an apologetic smile, as she moves out of my line of sight instantly heading out of the kitchen and disappearing around the corner.

Just great. What the fuck just happened anyway? That was beyond odd.

"What the fuck was that Justin?"

Here we go...

Turning to face Mallory I unpin the top button on my shirt so I can get some air. Is it hot in here? Maybe it's just me? The AC is on full blast.

"Not now." I grunt, moving to walk past her but she stops me.

"No Justin! Now! You have some nerve." She snaps.

What the fuck? This bitch is out of her right mind. What makes her think she can talk to me like that?

Releasing a throaty groan I keep my cool and just shrug. "Say what you have to say Mallory." I respond in a condescending manner. Doesn't she know not to ever test me?

"I came in here to find you and I see you and the hideous troll standing mere inches away from each other in some intense staring contest. What the fuck was that Justin? If I hadn't come when I did, maybe you all would have ended up kissing and who knows what else. Since when are you so fucking interested in that fat cow? Have you gone mad? What could you possibly see in her?" Mallory yells at me as she taps her feet annoyingly against my tiled floor.

Ok, I'd have to say my mother just saved her, because she raised me to never lay my hand on a woman. But boy oh boy how I wish I could clog that witch one right now.

"Firstly Mallory, you're not my girlfriend so you have no right to speak to me in such a manner. Secondly, I don't appreciate the way you speak of Miss. Gilmore. That's very low even for you. Thirdly, nothing fucking happened so I don't see why you're being the biggest bitch on the planet. And fourthly, never in your life speak to me like that again else you'll have no job and no C.E.O to whore your way up to the top with." I end my statement with a sly smile as her eyes bulge out of their sockets.

"How dare you Justin! You never treated me this way until Miss ‘Jenny Craig' came into the picture. When did this happen? When did things change? You're changing Justin." She whines on the verge of tears.

I'm changing? Just because I don't pamper her and take her shit anymore I've changed? That whore must be high on drugs or something.

"It would do you well to not have anything to tell me for the rest of the night. Enjoy your stay, then leave. I'll deal with you when I get back from LA. But right now, I'm pissed off and if you value your job, you'll stay away from me for the night Mallory. That will be all. Now if you'll excuse me, I have guests to entertain." I move past her not bothering to make eye contact, because I know she's crying now.

Walking out of the kitchen, I hear her whimper and I know I should feel bad but I don't. You have no idea what I have to put up with. Sometimes I don't think the sex is worth it. It's not like it's spectacular and earth shattering.

I wonder where Zara's disappeared to. She must have felt really out of place. I'm still not sure what happened. Either way, I'm going to enjoy the rest of tonight.

Walking up to Jeffery and Trace I pat Trace on the shoulder. "You guys up for a game of pool?" I ask them.

"Hell yeah! I'm down." I hear JC reply, walking over to us.

Looking over at Trace and Jeffery, they nod in agreement. "Ok then, let's head over to the game room." I add as I lead them to a different section of the house where the game room is situated.

Yeah, this is going to be fun. "I hope you can put your money where your mouths are gentlemen." I joke as we walk into the game room. Let the hustling begin.

****

Hours later...

So, I'm having an ok time...yeah...this is...good...I guess. Not very convincing huh? I didn't think so. Well, after that weird encounter in Justin's kitchen, I haven't seen him whole night. I sort of don't understand what it was that happened between us, but I don't want to understand right now.

Incase you were wondering, I've successfully kept away from the party. I sort of went exploring and found the pool out back. So, that's where I am, sitting quietly, sipping on some scotch on the rocks. The only time I ever go in, is to grab a drink when my glass is empty. I'm not hungry so I haven't eaten anything.

I roll up my pants as I allow my feet to dangle over the edge of the pool and into the water. I'm not sure what's going on in the house right now. I think the party is kind of dying out. Either way I don't care. I just want to be alone and think about some things. Like the fact that I'm going to LA tomorrow and my life is going to transform from dull to hectic and chaotic. I think I'm having second thoughts too. But Malcolm and I need all the financial help we can get, so that's the only real reason I even took the damn job.

The truth is, I'm not sure how well things will roll with me and Justin spending so much time together. I think he's just being kind because he has to and because he feels guilty. It's ok though, because I don't mind. I just hope if I'm dreaming, I never wake up.

Did I mention how alone I feel too? I know I shouldn't be, but it's been years since I've had a boyfriend or any male companion besides my brother, and he definitely doesn't count. Maybe Mallory is right; maybe I am hideous. Yeah, I sort of listened in on the beginning of her and Justin's argument, but decided that it was wrong to eavesdrop so I left. He doesn't have to worry about me telling anyone about his affair though. I'm not that kind of person.

Still sipping on my drink, I'm definitely feeling a buzz as I continue to look around the pool area. It's really dark out tonight and it's quiet too. The only illumination out here is from the pool lights. There's also a Jacuzzi on the other side, sheltered by the shadows of the overlaying tree branches. It's so peaceful and serene. I like it out here...

"I can feel your pain....even if you're thousands miles away.....I can remember those days.....when loneliness was right there on your face....I can erase those nights away....no more loneliness staring in your face." I sing quietly to myself as I continue to sip on my drink oblivious to my surroundings. This is good....I don't want this to end.

"You have a beautiful voice...but that was a sad song....still beautiful though." I hear someone say behind me, startling me back to reality.

Turning my head, I notice Justin walking over to me. Well, so much for my tranquil simplicity.

"Thanks." I mutter turning my attention back to the clear pool, before I take another sip of my scotch.

I hear him shuffling behind me before he takes a sit next to me, letting his bare feet hang over the side of the pool like mine.

I watch intently as he splashes around some water not saying anything.

"Yolanda is here. And so is Jeremy. They were looking for you." He states, not making any eye contact. "I think Jeremy likes you. He was asking me all these questions about you when he came to my office on Monday." He finally turns to look at me and I stare intently into his crystal blues. I notice how the light from the pool reflects off his eyes making them shine like a smooth glass surface.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's going to be in LA with us too." He says and this time I notice a hint of sadness or disappointment in his voice. Wow, what's that about?

"That's cool." I reply, taking a large gulp of my drink, finishing it off.

Justin's frowning at me now as I place the glass down next to me.

"How much did you have to drink?" He inquires.

"I don't know." I mutter nonchalantly, shrugging as I take in a deep breath. "How did you find me?" I ask.

"Well, you weren't anywhere in the house so..."

"It's a big ass house Justin. I could hide out here and you'd never know." I joke causing him to chuckle.

"Yeah...you're right. I just took a wild guess as to where you might be and I got lucky."

And just like that the silence takes over again...

"Justin?" I call out, not wanting to sink into an awkward silence.

"Yeah?"

"What happened in your kitchen earlier tonight?" I dart my eyes around realizing that it's only the two of us out here. No one would even know we're here unless they come looking.

"I...I...don't know." He sighs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.

Nodding, I drop the issue all together. It's better not to talk about it. Trying to lighten the mood, I lift my feet out of the water and stand, dusting off my jeans.

I'm a bit tipsy right now. Wow, I think the ground is moving....oh god....I shouldn't have had that last drink. But I don't care, because Justin's looking up at me intently, wondering what the hell I'm about to do.

"Let's take a swim." I joke and I see his eyes light up. "I'm so hot!" I giggle. Well it's true. It's the middle of summer and we're outside. The humidity is a bitch. Plus, I think I need to cool down, because one I'm horny, two I'm kind of drunk, and three if I spend too much alone time with Justin I'll jump him for sure. He just looks so delicious right now.

"Oh god..." I moan as I clutch my head tightly. Maybe I'll skip the swim and just go for hurling or something.

****

Did she just say let's go swimming? Has she lost her mind? Paying close attention to her I'm starting to think she's kind of drunk. She seems to be swaying a bit and her eyes look a little glazed. I really would like to know how much she drank.

The party is sort of dying out and I successfully kicked Mallory out about an hour ago. She was just pissing me off so bad. But that's not important right now, because I'm feeling like Zara is way too close to the edge of the pool.

Standing to face her, I stuff my hands in my pockets just watching intently.

"Zara, what are you doing? You're not thinking of jumping in are you?" I ask chuckling lightly.

The look she gives makes me cease my laughing as I hold my breath. She's thinking of jumping in. Oh no...I can't let her do that. She's drunk. She might drown or something. How fucked up would that be?

"Uh Zara..." I try to stop her but she cuts me off.

"Live a little Justin!" She squeals, before she moves back and runs directly for the pool doing a cannon ball before she submerges in the water causing a huge splash.

"Ahh fuck..." I hiss as I jump back, my pants now soaked. She's crazy. Yeah that's it. She's without a doubt crazy. "Why'd you do that?" I can't help but laugh as she comes up to the surface looking like a wet poodle. Her hair is plastered against her smooth face and she's completely soaked. God, the woman is impossible. She's giggling maniacally and I'm a little scared that if she doesn't close her mouth she's going to ingest a ton of pool water.

"Come on in Justin. It's fun and the water is warm!" She beams, splashing around and shifting her hair from her eyes.

Dear god, she's lost her marbles. I can't even laugh right now; I'm too stunned by her little ‘leap of spontaneity'.

Shaking my head sadly, I amble to the edge of the pool. "Stop that Zara and come on out. You're going to get sick!" I explain but she protests by shaking her head at me.

"No, come in. Seriously, the water is warm." She tries to convince me.

I must be losing my mind too because I'm actually considering this. She's making it look really fun with the way she's splashing and swimming around. "No Zara. Just get out. I'll get you a towel, so you can come into the house and meet Yolanda." I state.

Pouting she swims towards me. Damn, that's a sexy pout. And I can't help that my eyes travel over her wet form, noting how her clothes are glued to her body like a second skin.

Hmmm, those are some really perky breasts...Ahhh...stop this Justin. You horny dog!

"Damn it." I curse under my breath as she finally reaches me. This is so fucking wrong...this attraction I'm growing towards her. What the hell is fucking wrong with me man?

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...here let me help you out." I extend my hands for her to take and she watches me for a brief second before she grabs unto them firmly.

As I'm about to pull her out, she does the impossible...or maybe I should have seen this coming.

Yanking me forward I yelp as I go crashing into the pool with her. This is so absolutely without a doubt, fantastically great! Fucking shit man!

Coming up to the surface, I cough vigorously trying to clear my lungs of the water and take in some needed air.

"Why the fuck...did you do that...Zara?" I speak between coughs as I hit my chest to clear my air passage. Damn it, I'm soaked too. And that was my favorite fucking shirt. I spent hundreds of dollars on it and now it's ruined because of her. Oh, her ass is so going to buy it back.

Coming over to me she cocks her head to the side. "You're so full of shit. Can't you just enjoy yourself?" She snaps.

"What? You just fucking yanked me in with no warning!" I yell, feeling enraged. What the hell is wrong with her? Is she high? Wait...she is. She's drunk. That's the only reason she's so laid back and comfortable with me. I think she's forgotten I'm her boss too...because she keeps calling me Justin with no issue or hesitancy.

"Just shut up Justin. You're too uptight." She splashes me in the face and I winch as the chlorine water hits my eyes.

"Fuck Zara." I grimace, hearing her giggle. "Oh....so that's how you want to play eh?" I ask, as an evil smirk takes over my features. "Fine then!" I shout as I lunge for her, hearing her scream.

She tries to swim away, but I'm faster and catch up to her before I grip her around the waist, dunking her a few times. Laughing evilly, I watch as she surfaces gasping for air. Ha! Victory is mine.

"Justin you stupid asshole! I could have drowned." She whines, wiping at her eyes.

"You know I'd not let that happen. Plus I know CPR." I beam as she swims over to me, smacking me on the arm playfully.

"Whatever man." She laughs, groping at her curly hair.

Grinning like an idiot, I move over to her shifting some of her soaking hair out of her face. "I'm sorry." I chortle and she groans.

"No you're not." She smiles, twisting her hair in one.

Paying close attention to her, I realize how close we are again. Only, I don't think anyone is going to interrupt this time. Plus, we're just staring at each other, soaking wet in my pool. This....is...very...unprofessional. But, for some reason, my urges are taking over my will power and self-control. I've lost my better judgment at this point too.

Before I'm even aware of what exactly it is I'm doing, I notice Zara blink slowly before I grip unto her waist pulling her towards me so we're practically glued to each other.

I instantly feel her tense as her eyes widen and her breathing becomes labored.

My mind is riling with all these abstract thoughts too. What the fuck am I doing? You need to stop this craziness!

But, I'm far gone now, because I instantly cup her cheeks with the palm of my hands and lean down placing a light kiss on her lips.

" How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said."

Oh...my...god. I've died and gone to heaven. Holy shit! Her lips are so smooth, and soft and delicate. Wow...

She's frozen in place as I pull her against my wet chest deepening the kiss before she relaxes against me, draping her arms around my neck.

Smiling to myself, I begin nibbling on her bottom lip asking for access to her insides, before she parts her lips allowing our tongues to battle.

Kill me now, because this is beyond amazing and I'm utterly shocked at how a simple kiss has my insides on fire. I'm seriously turned on right now. She's an amazing kisser and this definitely beats the dance we shared some two weeks ago. Oh god...I'm going to regret this, but I'm enjoying this way too much right now. Releasing a deep groan, I moan into the kiss when I feel her legs brush against my growing arousal.

As if on cue, I feel her freeze under my hold and I open my eyes to stare at her. She looks like she's going to pass out or something. Unwillingly breaking the lip lock we shared, I watch as she pushes against my chest until she's created a significant amount of space between us.

Breathing heavily, I lick at my swollen lips frowning when she begins shaking her head vigorously.

"No....no...this did not just happen....oh god...no this is wrong. We...it's wrong Justin!" She mutters as a few tears stream down her cheeks.

What the hell? Why the fuck is she crying? It wasn't that bad was it? Because I was certainly on cloud nine a moment ago.

"Zara....I." I'm speechless. I try moving towards her, but she keeps reversing away from me until her back hits the edge of the pool.

"No Justin just...leave me alone." She whispers. "You...we...shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry...I." She's actually crying now as she turns and pulls herself out of the pool.

What the fuck man? What's going on?

"Zara wait just...let me explain." I fight to find the right words, but I'm just as confused as she is. I'm so stupid. I should have never done that. I should have never kissed her. But it was so tempting! With the way she looked all sexy, soaking wet as those water droplets slid off her light chocolate lips. I just wanted to know what she tasted like...I couldn't resist. And trust me when I say she's as sweet as candy.

"You stupid idiot." I mutter to myself, still standing in the same spot she left me in the pool as she quickly puts on her shoes, sprinting into my house, soaking wet. She better not drip on my rugs and carpets.

When she's gone, I get out of the pool still in a trance. "Shit! Fuck! I'm so stupid!" I scold myself, gripping at my shirt, squeezing out the excess water. It's now hitting me how much of a mistake I just made.

I don't think she's going to forgive me for this one. But...she kissed me back too. What am I even thinking? She was drunk. If you look at it technically, I took advantage of her.

"Damn it! Zara!" I rush into the house behind her, halting my tracks when I notice the few lingering persons staring at me.

"She just left with Jeffery." Jeremy states while coming over to me.

"What? What do you mean she just left?" I ask incredulously. That was fucking fast.

"She was crying hysterically and soaking wet....just like you are might I add. She begged him to take her home and he obliged. They just left." Jeremy explains giving me a frown. "What happened Justin?" He asks in an angry tone. What...is he for real? I don't have to stay and deal with this...just because he's crushing on one of my employees. He's not her type anyway.

Scowling, I ignore his enquiry and everyone's questionable glares.

"Justin are you ok? Was that Jahzara that just left?" I turn to face a tall, slim, green eyed, dirty blonde.

Sighing with defeat I nod for her. "Yeah Yolanda. I'm sorry you didn't get to meet her." I lament, feeling like shit now.

"It's ok, I'll see her tomorrow. Why are you soaking wet? Did you all fall into the pool?" She inquires as I note the curiosity twinkling in her eyes.

"Something like that. I'll be back" Is all I manage to get out before I turn to leave the room in search of a towel and some dry clothes. Walking past Trace and up the stairs to my room, I take note of the look he gives me which reads ‘what the fuck is going on?' I know he wants answers and I won't hear the end of it until I tell him everything. Some friend huh? He just doesn't know when to mind his business. But maybe, I could use some advice on what to do right now. Because I know for a fact, I've royally screwed over any chance of Zara and me actually getting along and being at least comfortable with each other's presence.

Sighing loudly, I kick the door to my room open as I peel off the wet clothes from my body. Walking into the bathroom I turn on the shower setting the temperature on cold. What can I say? That kiss turned me on immensely and since I have no one to fix my little issue considering I kicked Mallory out earlier, a cold shower will have to do.

Groaning when the cold water hits my tense muscles, I place my hands on the shower wall bowing my head in thought as I replay what happened between Zara and me in my mind. Closing my eyes, I shake my head sadly as regret slowly takes over my senses, mumbling to myself in the process.

"Shit, I'm so, so stupid...I'm so sorry Z."

****

Song (Zara sang) - I can feel your pain by: Gyptian

Quotes by: Henry David Thoreau and Victor Hugo

Next day...

Saturday evening...

The Start of Something New

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

I can't think straight, I couldn't sleep, I haven't eaten and I've been up whole night thinking about what happened between Justin and me. I don't even know where to begin. I thought this was what I wanted you know? For him to notice me, be attracted to me...the works. But when I finally got my wish what did I do? I panicked. I freaked out and began crying like someone I loved had died or was deathly ill. And the look on his face...god that look of pain will haunt my dreams and plague my thoughts forever. There was an alarming intensity of distress and confusion in his eyes. I actually felt bad for the way I reacted but I couldn't help it. I was shocked...no I was mortified. I had no idea how to respond to his sudden forward gesture.

Plus, I was under the influence. I can almost bet, if I wasn't partly intoxicated I wouldn't have jumped in the pool, I wouldn't have pulled Justin in, and we wouldn't have kissed. This is so messed up right now. I wonder what he's thinking and how he's going to react when he sees me today.

I haven't told Malcolm what happened. I like Justin's face and I really don't want Malcolm to rearrange it. Because trust me when I say he will. He's really protective and if he found out that Justin kissed me he'd blow up, especially since Justin is supposed to be my employer. So what am I going to do? How am I going to deal with or fix this? I have no clue.

What I do know, Is that I've been silent the entire time as Malcolm drives me to the airport.

I can't get Justin out of my mind. I can't get that kiss out of my thoughts either. It was extremely passionate and filled with so much longing, lust and desire. I don't think anyone has ever kissed me like that in my entire life. And you know what? I liked it....no I loved it. And I want it to happen again. But it can't, because it's without a doubt wrong. All of this is wrong. I mean, guys like Justin aren't interested in my brand of physical feminine attributes. I'm the girl who remains the friend, while the guy friend dates the prettier and thinner girls. I'm the safe one...the one they can come to for relationship advice. I'm always the friend, never the girlfriend.

So, as I'm sitting here in the car quietly listening to the radio all I can think of is why me? What possessed Justin to kiss me the way he did? Is he attracted to me? Does he like me? There are so many questions; none to which I have the answers for. I just hope he doesn't treat me differently. I know things are going to be odd between us, but I hope...I wish they wouldn't be.

"Which terminal?" Malcolm's strong voice filters through my thoughts as I turn to glare at him.

"Terminal B." I reply, as I turn my attention out the window watching the passing cars, night lights and the various billboards. Well, this is it...

Ten minutes later, Malcolm pulls up behind a long line of vehicles as he stops at the drop off point. I glance around at all the bustling and swarms of people hauling their heavy luggage into the check in section. Darting my eyes around, I notice the cab drivers picking up and dropping off passengers. I also take in the embrace between loved ones who are leaving and arriving. It's seems simple, yet there's a lot of complexity to those simple actions. It's just like the kiss Justin and I shared. It was simple...almost innocent. But there was such complexity to it you know? Anyway who am I kidding here? It was only a kiss. Yeah, it meant nothing...

Opening the door of Malcolm's SUV, I hop out, straightening my knee length yellow floral dress. Fixing my sunglasses on my face, I walk to the back when he pops the trunk, pulling out my two suitcases. Brushing my curly hair out of my face since I've decided to wear it down today, I fix my side bag snuggly on my shoulder as my nerves begin to kick in.

Coming over to me, Malcolm pulls me into a tight hug practically cutting off my air supply.

"I'm going to miss you Zary. Two months without you is going to be crazy lonely."

"I'll miss you too Malky, but I need to breathe." I choke out giggling.

Chuckling, he lets me go and pulls my luggage along as I follow him inside Orlando's Airport.

The moment we step foot into the check in section, my eyes land on Justin, his two bodyguards Mike and Lonnie, Trace, Jeremy and I'm assuming that tall, thin blonde is Yolanda.

I suddenly feel sick to my stomach as they all divert their attention me. All except Justin of course. He's wearing dark sunglasses and a camouflage hat to match his green hard rock café t-shirt. So, I can't see his eyes or face properly, but his body language says it all. He briefly turns his head in my direction, and then turns his back to me, continuing on whatever conversation he's having on his cell phone.

Sighing heavily, I slump my shoulders forward a bit, as I follow behind Malcolm to the small group. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Hey guys! I'm so glad you made it Jahzara! Hi I'm Yolanda and I'm so excited to finally meet my very own PA!" She beams, pulling me into an unexpected hug.

"Oh, uh it's my pleasure. I'm excited to meet you too!" I force a smile on my face, because on the inside I'm really depressed right now. Justin is ignoring me. But why? I wasn't the one who told him to kiss me. Ah, MEN.

Pulling out of Yolanda's embrace, I tell the bodyguards ‘hello' as well as Trace who seems to always be glaring at me. Wow, he really is Justin's best friend slash right hand man. They both share the same unnerving glare that can make anyone's skin crawl.

"So, Jahzara. Are you feeling better?" Trace asks me as he comes over, taking my luggage from Malcolm and putting it together with the rest of their stuff.

Trace's line of questioning draws everyone's attention to me, including my brother and Justin. Just great. I hate to be put on the spot like this.

"Uh, yeah...I'm fine." I stutter nervously.

"Did something happen Zary?" Malcolm asks and before I can respond Justin intercedes finally showing some form of interest as he snaps his phone shut.

"Nothing happened. She's fine. We checked in already so Zara should go ahead and do that since we were waiting for her." His tone...it's so...cold and hard.

Nodding my head, I move away from everyone's curious stares as Malcolm brushes his suspicion off.

Walking right up to the front, since well, there really is no line right now, I check in with my passport and ticket then wait as they weigh my luggage putting it into the back...wherever luggage goes.

Stuffing my items in my side bag, I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist from behind.

Turing around, I'm greeted with a grinning Jeremy.

"Hey Jeremy." I smile, and it's actually a genuine smile. For some reason, I know Jeremy won't judge me on what happened. I'm sure he wants to know what went down, because I'm almost certain Justin hasn't told anyone just yet. But, he's a breath of fresh air for me.

"Hey yourself beautiful. You look radiant." He smiles, letting go of his hold on me. I have to say, I'm not complaining that he hugged me like that. In fact, I'm welcoming it.

"Thanks Jer, so are we ready to go?" I ask, and he nods.

"Yeah, we were waiting on you. Come on." He grabs my hands, entwining our fingers together as we walk back to the group.

When we approach them, I notice Justin talking to my brother, before he diverts his attention to me. I see him do a double-take before he removes his sunglasses, finally allowing me a glance into those gorgeous blues. They darken immensely as he holds his intense stare. What the...

There's a frown on his face when he casts his gaze downwards. Is he looking at my hand-lock with Jeremy? I'm not sure.

Smirking, he shrugs and puts back on his sunglasses, walking away with Mike and Lonnie in tow. Uh...ok.

"That's our cue to follow Jay everyone. There should be a private jet waiting at gate 15, so let's get a move on!" Trace voices, as everyone picks up their belongings, following in the direction Justin went.

Letting go of Jeremy, I walk over to Malcolm giving him one last hug.

"I love you Malky. Take care when on duty ok?" I whimper in his big strong arms.

"Love you too girl. Be careful, and be cautious with Jeremy. Don't get too attached." He whispers against my hair.

"I'm not..."

"He likes you Z, just be careful. That's all." He replies before letting me go.

Not wanting to argue with my brother who I'm not going to see for two whole months, I just nod and wave bye to him, before Jeremy reclaims my hand, leading me to our gate.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, we finally board the private 20-seater jet, that's going to fly us to Los Angeles, California. It has plush comfortable leather seats and a beautiful décor. One day I'll live like Justin...in complete luxury. Nothing beats this. It's the good life. But, that's beside the point because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous out of my mind.

Of course, Justin hasn't said anything to me, but I'm ok with that. Taking a seat next to Jeremy, I fasten my seat belt as the pilot comes over the intercom letting us know we'll be leaving shortly. This is it...this is going to be the start of something new for me. Hopefully, it will lead to a new, better life, higher self-esteem and maybe even a loving relationship if I'm lucky.

Justin arranged PA training for me as part of the schedule that's going to be conducted at WEG by Johnny Wright. He personally took time off, to give me some training in the field before Yolanda's schedule becomes hectic with interviews and studio time. I always knew Mr. Wright was an angel. He's so caring and helpful. Plus, I'm going to need all the help I can get if I'm going to be on point at all times.

Ten minutes later, we're airborne and on our way to sunny CA and I've successfully cleared my mind of Justin and that kiss. I really don't want to deal with him right now. I'm just going to enjoy Jeremy's company who's telling me this funny ass story about his college days and how one of his roommates woke up butt-ass naked in the middle of the campus lounging area.

Laughing hysterically, I place all my attention on Jeremy occasionally glancing out the window at the blue sky and white clouds. I'm trying to pretend that I don't see Justin staring or practically gawking from where he's sitting across from us. He's such a guy.

****

Look at her...sitting there, flirting with Jeremy like I'm not even here and like we didn't share what I thought to be a mind-blowing, passionate kiss last night. What is up with these women? Why are women so conniving and two-faced? She's practically throwing him in my face just to prove some kind of point. I guess she's trying to show me how much of a mistake I made and that the kiss didn't mean anything. But damn it, why does she have to be a bitch about it?

Ok, so, I'm not being fair here because I haven't said more than ten words to her. I'm practically ignoring her. But she hasn't made an effort to talk to me either! I mean, what am I supposed to say to her after she flew out of my pool in tears, storming out of my house like a passing tornado? Am I supposed to just walk up to her and say ‘Hey Zara what's up?' and expect things to be cool between us? No way Sherlock. Plus, she's still my employee, although things are going to be a lot different now that she's Yolanda's PA. But, if I can get her alone and away from Jeremy for a few minutes, who's practically stuck to her like a painful blood sucking leech, then maybe I can at least apologize...again.

I seem to be apologizing a lot to her...do I screw up that much? Damn, I think I might be losing my touch.

It's no matter because what happened was a mistake and I'm going to move on from that. I don't know, maybe Mallory is right. Maybe I am changing...maybe I'm getting soft. Maybe I should just hook up with her and make her my girlfriend or something along those lines. Yeah, I could do that when I get back from LA. After my last relationship with Jessica Beil, I've decided to be single, but right now I'm questioning that decision. I know one thing is certain...I don't want another ‘Hollywood girlfriend'. They have way too much drama in their tight weaves and plastic surgery bodies. I want someone who's all nat-u-ral, down to earth and isn't tainted or corrupted by the deceitful, glamorous, Hollywood lifestyle.

I mean, I practically want to gag at the sight of those two talking and laughing like old lovers across from me. It's disgusting, the way her legs are crossed towards him, and he has his hand on her thigh as he's talking about something to do with a frat party.

But I like Jeremy, he's my dawg. I just wish he would be more discrete with his sexual gestures towards Zara...shit.

"I need a drink." I voice to Trace who's sitting next to me reading some sports magazine.

"What do you want?" he asks, getting up since he has the isle seat. Window seats are my thing. It will be a cold day in hell if anyone tries to fight me for a window seat.

Trace learnt the hard way some years ago when I broke his favorite cell phone in the process. It wasn't my fault. I was mad, so I grabbed it and stomped on it. My method worked, because he got up, ran to it, and fell to his knees crying and saying ‘my baby!'...Ha!

"I'm feeling for some Everclear...on the rocks." I reply, causing Trace to frown.

"What? Why do you want to get shit-faced?" He inquires me, hovering over the seat and blocking my view of Jahzara and Jeremy. I'm thankful for that.

"One drink isn't going to make me shit-faced." I retort and he just shrugs, going over to the mini bar at the back of the jet.

In case you were wondering, I haven't told him what happened yet. I'm waiting for the right time, because I know he's going to curse me out about it. Good ole Trace. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He's my partner in crime.

Returning with my drink in hand, he gives it to me and I down it in one gulp. Laughing, Trace reclaims his seat, not even bothering to ask what my problem is. He knows when to pry and when to leave shit alone.

Turning to the back, I smile for Yolanda, who's reclined in her seat, having some conversation with Lonnie and Mike. That reminds me that we need to look into getting bodyguards for her when she blows up...and trust me when I say she will. The girl has a voice like one of those soulful black singers...looks can really be deceiving you know. She can definitely carry a tune to an unknown octave. I'm proud of her.

Turning back around, I briefly lock eyes with Zara, before she shakes her head turning away from me.

Shrugging, I rest back in my seat, shutting my eyes so I can tune Jeremy's annoying laugh out and just focus on clearing my mind while I take a well deserved nap for the rest of the flight.

A few hours later, we finally land in LA and I'm glad to be home. We'll it's one of my homes at least. My real home that still has my heart is back in Millington with my Mom. I definitely will be giving her a call while I'm out here for the next two months. Damn, it seems long, but that time is just going to pass by so quickly.

Upon exiting the jet, I notice the white stretch limo waiting for us as they take off our luggage from the cargo hold section. It's late at night and all I want to do is sleep.

After we've gathered all our belongings, we head into the limo as I tell the driver to take us to my Hollywood hills mansion. I've decided there are more than enough rooms for everyone. What's the point in spending money to stay in a hotel, when we can live at my home for free? Everyone gets their own room too.

The only person who won't be staying with us is Jeremy. He has his own house out here, so we dropped him off first before we finally made it to my home.

Unlocking the front door and kicking it open, I move aside allowing Mike and Lonnie to carry in our suitcases, and bring them up to the various guest bedrooms. Moving further into the house, I switch on various lights before I drop the bags I'm carrying.

Walking into my kitchen, I tell everyone to make themselves at home before I open the fridge grabbing a bottle of water.

Ambling into the living room, I twist the cap off taking huge gulps before I toss my cap and sunglasses aside.

"Ok Trace, you know where your usual room is, so I don't have to do anything for you. This is like your home too." I voice the obvious as Trace nods in response, grabbing a remote and plopping down on my couch to watch a football game. Well, he'll be here all night so he's taken care of.

Diverting my attention to Yolanda and Zara, I scratch my chin in thought. "Yolanda, you've been here before so I guess you can take the same guest bedroom you took last time."

"Thanks Justin! I'm just going to turn in early then. Busy day tomorrow." She smiles, walking over and giving me a tight hug before she tells everyone goodnight, retreating to her room upstairs.

I guess that leaves Zara. "And Zara..." I pause as she takes a step back away from me. What the hell was that about?

"She can stay in the guest bedroom next to yours. It's the only other one that's made up. All the other rooms aren't made up." Trace explains and I realize he's right. Ironic? Yeah, I knew you might think so.

"Ok, well...just...follow me and I'll show you to your room for the next two months." I motion for her to follow me up the stairs as I lead her down the partly dim hallway until we reach my room.

Easing the door open, I turn on the lights, kicking off my shoes in the process.

"This...is my room." I explain as she stands in the doorway just looking at me.

Coming out of my room, I walk down the hall to the next room, kicking the door open and turning on the light. "And this...is your room. It has a bathroom and everything." I voice, as I notice her luggage is already in there. I guess Lonnie and Mike knew what they were doing.

Moving out of the way I allow her to enter as she remains silent just looking around, absorbing her new surroundings.

"Welcome to LA and to your new temporary home." I joke, holding my breath when I see her lips twitch into a small smile.

"It's beautiful, I like it." She finally speaks. "Thank you Justin." She's smiling brightly now, causing a chain reaction in me. She really does have a beautiful smile.

"It's no thing. Listen I'm going to head to bed, so make yourself as comfortable as possible. If you're hungry, the kitchen is stocked. I asked my cousin Rachel to do some shopping for me before we came so help yourself. And, you'll also get to meet her soon. Well, goodnight Zara." I walk to the door, but stop when I feel her grip my arm.

"Justin." She whispers and I turn around to face her.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, not quite sure why we're even whispering in the first place.

"I'm sorry." She bows her head in shame.

"What for?" I ask, raising one eye brow curiously. "You didn't do anything."

"Yeah I did. I'm sorry for the way I reacted when you...kissed me." She chokes out the last part softly.

Well, I'm a little surprised that she's even talking to me right now. I certainly didn't expect her to apologize for that.

"It's cool Zara, don't worry about it. I'm the one who should be sorry...and I am. I hope you accept my apology. I wasn't thinking." I swiftly open the door ready to make my exit. "Don't worry about it ok? We'll just put it behind us. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I mean it was just a mistake right? It didn't mean anything." I enforce as her hazel eyes connect with my blues.

"Yeah, a...mistake." She echoes, moving away from me. The resonance in her voice is a little disturbing. "Well goodnight Justin. Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning." Her back is to me now, as she walks further into the room.

Sighing heavily I take a step out the door, but not before I say one last thing. "Oh and Zara?" I call out to her and she stops her movements, but doesn't turn around to face me. "You looked really nice today." I wait for some type of reaction from her or at least a simple ‘thanks', but I get none. She's just standing there like a statue. Letting out a deep breath, I clutch unto the door knob tightly. "Well, Goodnight ." I finally voice, before I exit the guest room and close the door behind me, leaving her alone for the night.

As I walk into my room, I slam the door shut, pulling off my various articles of clothing, remaining in just my light blue boxers. I quickly use the bathroom, before I come back out, finally laying down on my back on my bed.

Placing my hands behind my head, I lay awake, just staring at my ceiling in thought.

I miss my dogs. I can't wait till Rachel brings them over to see me. At least they're not complicated like my hectic life. Sometimes I think that it must be so much easier to be a dog. All they do is eat, shit, piss, and sleep. Yeah, that's the easy life. I envy Buckley and Brennan right now, because as I'm lying here...wide awake, I can't help but think about Zara. I also can't help but think that just maybe...and that's a huge maybe...I didn't make a mistake. And, as much as I hate to admit it, the kiss did have meaning; because believe it or not....I think I...well...I...think I actually...felt something there between us.

****

Quote by: Unknown.

Next day...

Sunday morning...

Justin's P.O.V

Ignorance Is Bliss

"Genuine ignorance is... profitable because it is likely to be accompanied by humility, curiosity, and open mindedness; whereas ability to repeat catch-phrases, can't terms, familiar propositions, gives the conceit of learning and coats the mind with varnish waterproof to new ideas."

"So you just kissed her?" Trace has the most comical glimmer in his eyes as he sits at my island drinking a glass of orange juice.

"Yeah man, what else do you want me to tell you?" I snap a bit irritated.

I've been telling him what happened between Zara and me at my cookout and he seems to always return to this same question. That's the eighth time he's asked me that in the last fifteen minutes. I'm just about ready to rip out whatever hair I have on my head.

"Why'd you do it Justin?" He inquires, finishing off his drink before he stands and walks over to the kitchen sink.

"I don't know." I lie. Because I like her; because I'm attracted to her; because I think she's sexy and I crave to taste her in more ways than one.

"Bullshit! You don't just go around kissing on your employees do you?" He retorts, taking a seat in front of me as I stuff a spoon full of apple jacks into my mouth.

"No." I mutter since my mouth is filled with cereal. Rolling my eyes at him, I wipe my hands over my long grey cotton pants.

"Then why'd you do it? I still can't believe you kissed her man."

You see what I mean? That's the ninth time. I'm keeping count.

"What's the big deal anyway?" I ask, swallowing hard, before I go for another bite.

"The big deal is she's your employee! That's wrong. And I'm not being biased because I know about Mallory. I've talked to you about that one but you won't listen. The point is don't make the same mistake twice man. Besides, Jahzara isn't even your type. She's far from it. So again, I'm intrigued in knowing why you did it. Do you like her?" He probes, annoying the hell out of me.

I can handle the Trace that curses me out; but, not the 20-20 question, inquisitive little shit-head that's irritating me right now.

"Jesus Trace, I told you I don't know why I did it. It was just a mistake. We were playing around in the pool and it just fucking happened. Lay off my balls a little will you?!" I yell, standing from my seat and grabbing the empty bowl before I toss it into the sink. Tugging at my crumpled black shirt, I let out a heavy sigh.

He's silent for a few seconds before a light chortle escapes his lips. "You're in denial. I think you're attracted to her. I don't know how or why, but you are. You'll figure it out eventually." He laughs and I want nothing more than to slap that smirk off his face.

"Are you done drilling me?" I sneer, ready to leave the kitchen.

Tapping his nose with his index finger he shrugs. "Yeah...but I mean...you kissed her?"

"Fuck Trace!" I belt. "That's the tenth time you've asked me that! I swear you won't get a different answer no matter how many times you ask that question." I'm a little angry right now. I know what he's doing. He's trying to get a raise out of me. He's trying to prove some sick twisted point.

"Did you like it?"

Oh, hold up. I wasn't expecting that.

"W-w-what?" I stammer feeling a little on edge.

"Yes or no Justin. Did you like it?" He enquires again, eyeing me suspiciously.

"If I tell you yes, will you leave me alone?"

"Sure." He nods.

"Fine then, yes I liked it. I liked it a lot. Now if you'll excuse me..." I turn to leave but his last statement stops me dead in my tracks.

"Then why don't you just tell her how you feel and get it over with?"

Turning around to face my best friend, I contemplate on if I should even admit anything to him. I already know he won't let me live any of this down. He's just sitting there casually awaiting my response.

Staring at him with reticence, I sigh lightly. "Because Juan," I pause when I see his eyes light up from me calling him by his first name. "There is nothing to tell and there are no feelings there." And with that said, I walk out of the kitchen not staying to see his reaction.

It's now nearing midday and I'm a little worried that I haven't seen Zara exit her room yet for the day. Did she die in her sleep or something? I guess she's maybe drained? She did look like she had bags under her eyes last night from lack of sleep. Whatever it is, if I don't see any sign of life from her in the next five minutes I'm going up there.

I've been chilling out with Trace whole morning just watching television and occasionally playing video games. I don't get these laid back days too often so I'm taking full advantage of it. Tomorrow, we're going over to Johnny's and then the studio with Yolanda, so that basically is going to take up the entire day. Oh joy...well not really. I honestly need a vacation. I'll have to look into that, but for now, I'm good.

In the middle of a three pointer, I hear the front door to my house swing open before I'm met with heavy panting and breathing.

Pausing the basketball game Trace and I are playing I divert my attention to Yolanda and Jeremy. Eyeing them intently, I realize they're both drenched in sweat, clearly back from their long jog. Why is he even here? I don't really want him here right now.

"How was the first day of workout?" I ask Yolanda as I stand to approach them.

"It was good. Jeremy really went all out today. I think I'm just about ready to pass out." She giggles. "I'm going to head up to take a shower and change. I'll be back down later." She beams, before she leaves us alone, sprinting up the stairs.

Nodding, I turn to face Jeremy, stuffing my hands into my pockets. Why do I feel displeased by his presence? I mean he hasn't even said anything...

"So where's Jahzara?" Jeremy inquires looking at me intently.

Ok scratch that, he's very irritating and his voice is annoying. It has this really low groggy pitch. I feel terrible for any female who has sex with him and has to listen to that. What a way to kill the mood. But I really don't have an issue with the man. I mean, I don't understand why I want him to just leave already. Maybe I'm going through a phase.

"She's still sleeping?" I guess, I'm not really sure but I'm about to find out.

"What? She shouldn't be sleeping her life away like that. I'll go wake her..." He moves to get by me but I block his path.

"No! Let me, I mean...it's my house right? And she's my guest. I'll be right back." I note the frown on his face by my statement, but I don't wait for him to respond because I quickly turn to head up the stairs, but not before I smack Trace behind the head since he's snickering.

Taking the stairs by twos, I briskly walk down the hall until I reach Zara's room. Knocking lightly, I hear her voice filter through saying to ‘enter'.

Easing the door open, I shut my eyes just incase she's well...you know. "Is it safe to open my eyes? Everyone is decent in here?" I joke, hearing her giggle. It's a cute giggle too.

"You're safe." She laughs and I chuckle before I open my eyes. Shutting the door behind me, I walk further into the room. I realize she's fully dressed just sitting on her bed, looking through...an album?

"I thought you died. We haven't seen you whole morning. Aren't you hungry?" I inquire curiously, ambling towards her and carefully taking a sit on the bed next to her.

"No. I'm good I ate." She replies, focusing on the album she's holding rather tightly.

"What could you possibly eat in here?" I ask incredulously. Last time I checked, the kitchen was downstairs.

Shrugging, she grabs a large hand bag and pulls out a box of...something. Taking it from her grasp, I read it over furrowing my brows in thought. "Weight loss bars? What the fuck Z?" Crinkling my nose, I drop the box on the bed like it's swarming with diseases. "That's not healthy." I state, but she ignores me, her gaze fixated on what ever picture she's watching.

"It's cool. I only take them for breakfast. Sometimes dinner." She replies blankly.

"What? But, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Why would you do that to yourself?" Is she for real? I mean, she's not that big. Besides, why can't she lose weight the healthy way through diet and exercise? I could help her if she wanted me to you know. I can't believe this. And she's just sharing this information with me like it's no big deal.

Finally turning to look at me I stare into her hazel eyes noting the evident pain. I think there's something seriously wrong with her.

"It's cool Justin. I've been doing this for months now. I'm fine."

"But Zara..."

"It's ok, Justin!" She all but screams. "Drop it! If I had known you'd bitch about something so insignificant I'd not tell you." She snaps.

Insignificant? She's fucking with her health here and it's insignificant? Doesn't she love herself at all? What did she expect? She could get sick from this shit. But I guess it's not my place to freak about it. It's not like we're together as a couple or anything. I need to remember that she's just my employee. I've already crossed the line with her once. I don't want her to feel like I'm prying into her personal shit.

"Well, it could be worse. You could be on pills. That for sure is dangerous." I chortle, but she just raises her brows at me without responding. Oh fuck... "Zara?" I place my hands on her shoulder but she brushes me off.

"What do you want Justin?" She instantly changes the topic. If she thinks I'm going to let this go that easily she's wrong. But I'll entertain her ignorance right now.

"I told you. I came to see if you're ok." I reply. "Oh and Jeremy and Yolanda just got in a few minutes ago."

Her eyes light up at the mention of Jeremy and I try to suppress a groan. I don't know why. It sort of happened automatically.

"Oh he's here? I'm supposed to be leaving with him!" She beams, getting up and brushing off her jeans. Closing the album she was paging moment earlier, she drops it on the bed, and walks over to the dresser stuffing some items into her side bag before she grabs it. Did she say she's leaving with him? What the...

"What? You're leaving to go where?" I ask, standing from my seating position.

"He called me on my cell this morning. He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him for the day. You know, I'd get to see where he lives and then he's taking me out, but I'm not sure where just yet." She squeals with excitement.

"Oh." I choke out a little shocked. Well it's not like I didn't expect this. He's clearly interested in her but...well, whatever. "Well then, have fun." I try to sound enthusiastic but I fall short.

"I will! Jeremy is such a pleasant guy you know? I mean you've known him for a while now right?" She enquires, applying a light coat of gloss to her lips as she comes over to me. God, the way her lips are shining right now, I swear all I can think about is devouring them. Damn it. Shaking out my thoughts, I plaster a fake smile on my face.

"Yeah I've known him for a few years now. He really is a nice guy." What am I doing? Why am I making him out to be a great catch? I shouldn't be encouraging this. She's a PA now. Her life is going to be chaotic. She's new to this. That means all her attention needs to be on her new career. There really is no time for a romance with the personal trainer.

"I know. I can't wait to get to know him better you know? Maybe we could hang out some time and you could tell me what you know about him. You know, from another guy's point of view?" She's gushing as she stares at me with hopeful eyes. What have I gotten myself into?

"Uh, I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Oh please Justin! It would mean a lot to me. You could, I don't know...help me out with this so I don't screw it up. I really like him and it's been a while since I've been in the relationship scene."

Ok, hold the fuck up. Has she forgotten what went down between us just two days prior? Well shit, I guess it really didn't mean anything to her ass. Plus, she just met Jeremy and already she wants a relationship with him? This woman moves like the speed of light. Damn! I really shouldn't be encouraging this, but the way she's looking at me, with those pleading puppy dog eyes is enough to make any man weak. I really don't understand the effect she has on me. It's driving me insane.

"I...I...guess I could give you some pointers." The moment those words leave my lips, I regret ever saying them. I really don't want to help Jeremy and Zara get laid. Especially as I'm having a hard time distinguishing my feelings towards her. This is very frustrating.

"Ah! I knew you weren't a complete asshole." She smiles, suddenly pulling me into a tight hug.

I'm not an asshole! What the fuck man. She's really getting on my last nerv...oh man, she smells good. Damn, her sent is intoxicating. She's gripping unto my neck tightly, still hugging me and all I can think of right now is how sweet she smells. It's some fruit I can't distinguish, but I like it. This isn't right. Inhaling sharply, I feel my eyes roll to the back of my head as I shut them tightly. Is it wrong if I never want this to end? Fuck, I...I can't do this. I really shouldn't. I mean, I...I'm at full alert at how her body is pressed up against mine right now. I can feel her firm breasts boring a hole into my chest. And her thighs, the way they rub so delicately against mine. I can feel a moan lodged in my throat but I refuse to release it. Shit and her neck is so close to my mouth right now. All I want to do is just flick out my tongue and take a taste. Just one, small taste...

Breaking our embrace, I'm grounded back to reality as I stare at her half-dazed. What was I saying before I lost all common sense? Oh yeah...I'm not an asshole. I'm practically helping her to hook up with another man. I think that's very noble. Folding my arms across my chest, she's smiling at me now. But, she has no idea what I'm thinking right now.

She has no idea that all I want to do is strip her down to her birthday suit and take her right there on the bed of my guest room. Fuck Jeremy and to hell with Trace and Yolanda. I just want her screaming my name. Begging me to go faster, harder, deeper. Shit, I just want to work her in the best possible way. I'd have those thick, juicy, chocolate legs up in the air and over my shoulders, while I pound into her mercilessly as our bodies are drenched with sweat...

"Fuck!" I groan as I place my hands over my face. I can't deal with this. I think I might be losing my mind here.

"Justin? Are you ok?" She asks, touching my arm, but I back away from her.

"Shit..." I mutter to myself. "Fuck!" I yell.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She inquires with a befuddle expression as she places her hands on her hips in attitude. Oh, those curves. How I wish I could run my hands over her curves memorizing every groove and outlining of her definition.

Shaking my head vigorously, I back up to the door swinging it open in the process. "I can't do this." I mumble and I see her frown in confusion.

"Do what? Are you bi-polar or schizophrenic? You're acting weird." She's searching my eyes for answers but I can't tell her what I'm thinking right now...or feeling for that matter because I don't understand it. So, I'm just going to ignore it until whatever this is goes away. I just need to be away from her...far away from her.

"Just, enjoy your day out. I'll tell Jeremy you'll be down in a minute." I step back into the hallway, still glaring at her realizing how pretty she looks in her dark skin tight jeans, and blue tank top that has the phrase ‘I'm a flirt' written across it in black graffiti print.

"Uh ok." She shrugs, dismissing my presence as she turns away from me, grabbing some more of her belongings.

Sprinting down the hallway, I jog down the stairs grabbing my car keys off the coffee table then head straight for the front door.

"Where are you going Justin?" Trace calls out to my retreating form.

"Just going to grab a few things. I'll be back." I lie. I just need to get out and clear my mind. Plus, I don't want Mike or Lonnie following me, so since they are no where in sight, this is my chance to make an escape. I'll deal with their bitching when they realize I'm gone later.

Stopping at my now open front door, I glance over to Jeremy who's sitting on my couch. He better not have my shit absorbing his sweat because that's disgusting. I have to sit there too you know.

"Zara will be down in a while." I tell him and he nods before I turn my back to them, exiting my house at warp speed.

Jumping into my hummer (yes I own a black hummer), I quickly zoom down my driveway and out of my estate with no particular destination in mind.

After driving for literally hours around LA, I've finally decided to make a stop at a nearby starbucks since one, I'm hungry, two, I need to piss badly and three, hummers eat up gasoline in no time.

Fixing my cap and sunglasses on my face, I burst through the front doors heading straight for the men's room. After I've relieved myself, I head into the line to buy a hot coffee or other. I'm not sure yet...still scanning the menu items.

Thinking deeply I've come to a conclusion. I need this tangled feeling of pure and utter perplexity due to an unrecognizable level of attraction I have towards Zara to leave my body and soon.

"Jay?" I hear a familiar voice call out to me but I don't turn around. Maybe I'm a little delusional.

"JT?" The person whispers this time and I can feel their body heat right behind me. Well thank god they didn't say my full name. I can't handle any attention right now. My bodyguards aren't here to protect me and as stupid as I am for ditching them, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Turning around, a large grin instantly adorns my face.

"Jess?" I whisper in a state of shock and awe.

"I knew I recognized that butt from somewhere." She giggles, causing me to chuckle in the process.

"Well wow, glad to see my ass is a trademark." I smirk.

"It is you know." She enforces and I just shake my head at her. That's Jessica for you.

"What are the odds?" I ask, still a bit stunned that I'm meeting my ex-girlfriend inside some random Starbucks here in LA.

"I don't know. Fate I guess." She states firmly and I realize she's dead serious.

"Yeah I guess. So, what's going on with you?"

"Oh, I'm just out here shooting part of a movie. The other half is going to be shot in New York. But hey, I thought you were in Florida." She clutches unto her starbucks cup and I'm almost betting she got a double mocha latte. It's her favorite.

"Yeah, but I'm out here with Yolanda, the newest artist signed to Tennman. We got her some studio time, promotional performances and interviews and she's going to be meeting up with Johnny." I state, darting my eyes around the café to make sure no one spots us. That would be a disaster. I should really get out of here.

"That's cool." She smiles at me and I'm only now realizing how much I've missed that smile. Why did I break up with her again? Oh yeah, the whole relationship thing just wasn't working out for me and it was at a critical time in my career. Oh well...

"It was nice seeing you again Justin. Hopefully, we'll bounce into each other again. I've really missed you." She admits with sorrow in her voice.

Eyeing her interestingly I shrug. She looks really beautiful in her cutup jeans and white baby-T. "Yeah, It was...nice seeing you too."

"You have my number so don't be a stranger ok? Give me a call some time. Maybe we can catch up while we're both here." She replies hopefully.

Not wanting this conversation to go any further I nod in response just as my turn in line comes around. "Well, this is me, so bye Jess. I'll see you around." I wave her off and she tells me bye as well, before she turns and heads out the exit, walking right out of my life again.

Sighing loudly, I quickly order a hot coffee and pull out a few bills handing them to the cashier and telling her to keep the change.

Exiting the café, I get into my ride and speed out of my parking spot, heading straight for home. I've had more than enough time to think and I've realized that maybe it's just a simple harmless physical attraction I have towards Zara. It's nothing to worry about or act on for that matter. It will go away eventually...it has to.

Making it home in record time, I drive unto the grounds of my estate, parking the hummer at the front of my house, before I exit the ride, leaving the now empty coffee cup behind.

It's late at night now, and I'm beginning to feel a little sleepy. Yawning loudly, I unlock my front door, stepping in to be greeted by Mike and Lonnie. Oh shit...here comes the eruption.

"Justin are you out of your little white mind?" Mike belts at me.

I should feel intimidated by their large exteriors but they're really soft at heart. Brushing him off I walk past them ignoring their rants.

"Next time you pull a stunt like that, we'll be calling Lynn to give her the bad news that we had to knock some sense into you killing you in the process." Lonnie grunts.

"That was lame man. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm going to bed so goodnight." I wave to them, now running up my stairs though I can still hear them mumbling endless profanities. On my way down the hall, I bounce into Trace.

"You're back early." He voices sarcastically.

"Yeah, yeah midget...I'm heading to bed. I'll see you in the morning." I move past him, pulling off my sunglasses and cap.

"Ok, but don't disturb the two love birds." He laughs, smirking when I turn to glare at him oddly.

"What?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Jahzara and Jeremy. They got back a while ago. She asked for you, but I told her you weren't there. Anyway, I just passed by her room and heard them talking and laughing. They must be having some good ole fun in there. Well goodnight." He states, turning and walking away, not caring that my jaw is literally touching the floor right now.

"What the fuck?" I utter in bewilderment.

Ambling to my room, I halt my steps when I hear Zara squeal out a ‘Jeremy stop...behave!' before she busts into giggles.

I think I'm on the verge of throwing up.

What is he even doing at my house this late anyway? Shouldn't he be heading home? Have I stated that I don't want him here either? Because I don't.

Sucking in air, I walk to Zara's door, staring at it briefly, before I bang on it rapidly. They suddenly turn silent and I can hear footsteps before the door swings open.

"Justin hey! You just got back?" Zara smiles, but I have other things on my mind right now.

Glancing over her shoulder, I notice Jeremy standing from his rather comfortable position on her bed...well technically it's my bed.

"Uh yeah, listen, you two aren't going to be loud right? Because I really need my sleep." I snap.

I think Zara just turned five shades darker by my line of questioning. She's blushing. Normally I'd find that cute, but it's irking the hell out of me.

"Wh...what?" She stutters, pulling the door closer to her body so I can't see into the room.

"I said, if you two are going to go at it like two wild animals in the jungle, give me a heads up so I can sleep downstairs or something, because I need my rest. Besides, I'm really not in the mood to hear any of that." I try keeping a flat tone, but I'm a little scared by the fire that's shooting out of her eyes right now.

"You're being an asshole Justin." She whispers to me, fighting to keep her composure.

"No I'm not. I'm just asking kindly for a heads up. Don't anybody want to hear you two go at it." I chuckle, but she's not laughing. Ok, she's angry. I think her lips are twitching or maybe quivering.

"I knew you wouldn't change. You're still the same jerk of a boss." She sneers and I'm a little taken aback by her comment.

"Excuse me? I'm asking you politely for a simple warning if you and ‘gym boy' here decide to get rowdy and you're insulting me?" I slightly raise my voice as the rage begins to take over. I'm appalled.

"It's ok guys. There's no need for that I was just leaving." Jeremy appears at the back of Zara and she moves out of the way for him to exit. I guess he heard us, not that I'm complaining here. I'm glad he's leaving. Ignoring my presence, I watch as she apologizes for my lack of ‘respect', giving him a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, before he says ‘bye' to me walking away from us, down the steps and out my front door. Rolling my eyes since I didn't respond to his farewell, I turn back to face Zara receiving the hardest shove in the chest I've ever experienced from a woman. Fuck, she really does ‘workout'. That was powerful. In fact, I slam my back hard into the parallel wall.

"What the fuck was that Zara!?" I yell at the top of my lungs, gripping the back of my head in pain. Holy shit...what the fuck did I do now?

"That was for being the biggest asshole in the universe!" She screams back.

"What? I didn't do anything." I defend. I'm a little surprised no one is running to find out why we're yelling.

"Yes Justin! You did. You were being a jerk. You could have shown some decency and respect towards Jeremy." She snarls at me. I think her hair is on fire. Shit...

"Well excuse me for not wanting to hear you all grunting and panting in the act while I'm trying to get some sleep." I shoot back.

"What type of girl do you think I am? That was our first date Justin! Our first fucking date! I'm not about to spread my legs for a guy on the first date. If you even want to call it that."

Is it possible for a person of her color knuckles to turn white from clutching a door knob too tightly? Wow...

"Well that didn't stop you from having him in your room on the first date. Where's the logic in that Zara?" I retort arching one brow at her.

Taking in deep breaths, she steps back into the room still shooting me icy glares. "You're right. What the hell was I thinking, deciding to bring him in here on the first date because I wanted to show him my album and some other stuff I hold dear to my heart? Silly me, I should have just had him seat in the living room and bring them to him there. I guess I just had a little too much trust in him and myself that we could have a little privacy away from your bodyguards and Trace without anything happening."

I'm not sure how to take that statement. Is she being sarcastic? "Look Zara." I soften my tone when I see her eyes gloss over. Please don't cry. Although I don't think she will with me around.

"No Justin, you look. This conversation is over. Goodnight and I hope you get your good night's sleep." And just like that, she takes one step back slamming the door shut in my face. I cringe at the loudness of the impact.

Still glaring at the closed door, I'm trying to figure out what just happened. I know it's my fault, but I didn't intend on things escalating to this magnitude.

But you know what? This has to end. Why the fuck do I even care? She's just some lowly fucking employee. I really shouldn't fucking care. No matter how fucking attracted I am to her, or how sexy I think she looks when she's angry.

Stretching my limbs to crack my back from the impact of the way I collided with the wall earlier, I let out another yawn, forgetting about the previous incident. Ambling towards my room, I swing the door open, tossing my cap and sunglasses somewhere onto the floor before I kick off my shoes. If Zara wants to be a bitch, then that's her problem. I'm not going to sit around and tolerate it. I'm just going to let her do her thing while I concentrate on doing me.

Besides, I don't care about what just happened. It's completely at the back of my mind.

Yeah...

"What the fuck ever man." I hiss quietly, before I slam my door shut, turning in for the night.

****

Quote by: John Dewey

Next Day...

Monday Afternoon...

Deniable Heartaches

"To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful; The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have; Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."

My brain is completely rattled right now. I have no idea who this man is. He's done nothing except twist my insides into a tight knot. I'm not sure how or why I'm even worried about his perspective of me but I am. Justin will be the death of me.

After our little fight last night, I've realized that working alongside each other is going to be damn near impossible. I know in the end, one of us if not both will most definitely end up in a psyche ward or be scheduled for regular visits to a psychiatrist who knows our entire life history. Either way, I'm hurt with the way he attacked Jeremy last night. I mean talk about random. His outburst came out of no where and I was already on edge from his little ‘you don't need weight loss pills' pep talk. So, I blew up on him. I mean I sort of understood where he was coming from but how could he expect me to get freaky with Jeremy when I don't even know the man like that? I'm not saying Jeremy isn't sweet, but I'm just not that type of girl.

I mean, Jeremy really is a nice guy. He's such a gentleman too. He brought me to his home yesterday, which is practically a mansion, although Justin's own is much bigger, and he showed me around. After we hung out for a bit, we headed down to the beach and took a walk on the sand. It was so cute. When we were done, we went rollerblading. Can you believe it? Me...Rollerblading! It was a lot of fun too. Later down in the evening, he took me out to dinner at this really quaint little restaurant, and then we went to a movie before he brought me back to Justin's. It was such a perfect day; I never wanted it to end. So, when we were just chilling in my room while I showed him my family album, I didn't expect Justin to come knocking, and then blow up on us like he did. What the hell was that even about?

Justin does look hella sexy when he's angry though. At a certain point I just wanted to cease the argument and plant a hot wet one square on his lips, telling him to shut up and just take me now. I think he has some built up tension. I sort of feel sorry for him since Mallory isn't here to fix his little issue, but it's good to be away from her nagging ways.

Anyway, I need to get this idea of hooking up with Justin out of my mind. He made it blatantly clear last night that he wants nothing to do with me in that aspect. Well I think he did. I mean, he's going to help Jeremy and I get closer. He's clearly not interested in me. If he was, that would be a stupid thing to do. I mean if he was interested, I wish he'd just tell me, but Justin is the type of guy that has a lot of pride. I swear some men are so complex and confusing.

I also miss home and my brother Malcolm. This is only my second full day here and I'm homesick. I guess it's because I don't travel. Florida is all I've known my entire life. I should be embracing this new change, but I'm terrified. I mean, am I even PA material? Will I be able to handle all the pressure and stress of the job? I'm practically giving up my life for someone else. That can't be easy.

You know, I thought this morning would be weird with what happened last night but it wasn't. Justin looked at me when I came into the kitchen and even smiled before he told me morning. He also apologized which is something he seems to be doing on a regular basis. I apologized too, receiving an elaborated ‘Awww' from Trace while he batted his eyelashes at us. It was hilarious. It's almost like nothing happened and there was no tension between us, but there was. Because, when I barely brushed Justin while heading into the refrigerator he froze solid, taking in some deep breaths. I wasn't sure what that was about, so I just played it off like I didn't notice.

Trace then made some smart comment about my frizzled hair and huge t-shirt I slept in, causing us all to burst out in laugher. It's the first time he just talked to me without staring like he's trying to figure me out. It was at that point I felt somewhat comfortable with him.

Deciding to snap out of my thoughts for a bit, I follow our small group which consists of Mike, Lonnie, Yolanda, Justin and I through the doors of W.E.G feeling the sudden gush of cold air from the AC.

Since Justin is at the front, he walks right up to the receptionist letting her know that we're here to see Johnny. I don't miss the amazement in her eyes that Justin Timberlake is hovering over her desk. She's practically stunned stupid by his presence. Ha! I remember when that used to be me. Not anymore though. It's amazing what a few weeks and a few choice words as well as a few compromising situations can do.

"Ok follow me guys." Justin voices as he's led by the receptionist to the elevators with us in tow.

Oh my god, I can't believe I'm going to meet Johnny Wright in the flesh. He's officially one of my favorite persons for offering to help me out like this. I'm going to enjoy this.

Finally stepping out of the elevators, we follow the rather short woman down the hall until we reach some large mahogany vanished doors.

I watch intently as her tiny hands knock lightly against the wooden barrier, before I hear Mr. Wright's voice filter though with a powerful ‘come in.'

After she opens the door for us, she tells us to enter and quickly turns on her heels heading back down the hall to her desk. Such a sweet woman. I hope her line of work doesn't taint her or get too boring.

I know first hand what it's like to wish for some excitement in your dull life and get more than you bargained for...hence my current location, staring Mr. Wright dead in his eyes, with a large smile on my face.

"And this must be the lovely Jahzara Gilmore in person." He grins at me after he releases his handshake with Justin. Oh, they were talking? I guess I zoned out again.

"That would be her Johnny." Justin beams and I note some form of pride in his statement.

"Ah, well come over here girl and tell me hello." Johnny coos and I hesitantly walk over to him giving him a light handshake.

"It's so wonderful to finally meet you Mr. Wright." I squeak out feeling a little nervous. I can't help it. I'm just on edge whenever I meet someone new. The whole judging me on how I look ordeal is nerve wrecking.

"Believe me Jahzara the pleasure is all mine." He has a large grin on his face that ends with a twinkle in his eyes. "I've told Justin you're a keeper, because you're always on point and such a pleasant employee. There aren't many genuine ones like you out there anymore."

"Oh well...thank you sir."

"Think nothing of it. And Yolanda Glenmore! How are you sweetie?" I watch as Johnny moves from behind his large desk then walks over to her engulfing her in a tight hug.

"I'm good. Excited as ever." She beams, hugging him back.

"Well you have the best team behind you. And we're going to start working on your album plus I have no doubt that your PA will always have your back." He boasts, winking at me as I blush slightly. These people are expecting a lot from me. I hope I don't disappoint.

"Oh I know she will. And Jahzara and I will get along just great. I can't wait till I start touring after my first album." She squeals.

Oh wow, hold up...touring? Oye Ve.

"That's good. Well, I'm glad Justin called me in to help out on this little project. We're going to turn you into a star hun. And we've scheduled studio time for you here at W.E.G for the next two months. Justin is also bringing in Tim and Pharell as well as Will.I.Am to work with you so expect a spectacular album."

"I know. It's going to be awesome." Yolanda claps her hands together excitedly.

Suddenly I'm not sure if I can go through with all this. Glancing over my shoulder, I notice Justin is sitting next to the door just glaring at me. I catch his stare and he just smiles sheepishly never breaking eye contact. Weird...

"So, Miss Gilmore. It was nice meeting you, but I'm sorry I have to end this short. I have a board meeting to attend shortly. However, studio 4 is open to you all for the rest of the day. And, I'll see you in here first thing tomorrow morning when we begin your training. Justin will brief you on everything else." Johnny smiles warmly at me, before he grabs his cell phone off his desk, leading us to the exit of his office.

"It was great meeting you too sir. And I can't wait to learn all there is to know about the PA world." I say excitedly as we exit his office and are now standing in the hallway.

"Good. So I'll see you all tomorrow and we'll start this hectic schedule that Justin has arranged. Well, it was nice seeing you all. And Justin!" Johnny moves over to give him a light hug and pat on the back. "We'll be catching up soon."

"Yeah Johnny, take care now." Justin replies, waving him off as he heads down to the elevators.

Diverting his attention to me, Justin gives me this cheeky grin before he motions Lonnie and Mike over. "Ok big guys, Yolanda, Zara and I are heading over to the studio for the rest of the day. You can go do whatever you need to do and meet us back here around 10 pm tonight when we're done. Don't worry we'll be fine and I know you don't want to hang out here whole day doing nothing. I'm just going to get Yolanda acquainted with the place and then maybe take a few vocals and start brainstorming on a few tracks. Tim is scheduled to be in next week, so..."

"Ok Justin say no more. We're leaving. But if you need to leave the compound, give one of us a call to come along ok?" Mike states.

"Fine, later." Justin does his best to ignore their glares as Lonnie smacks him hard on the shoulder before he laughs, saying goodbye to us.

Rubbing his aching limb Justin grumbles to himself with a frown on his face. "My back just keeps suffering and taking all the blows."

"Sorry" I mutter, knowing he may still be in pain from the hard shove I gave him last night.

I think he's shocked that I overheard his little rant. "It's nothing. Come on guys. Let's get musical." He jokes, as the three of us pick up our pace heading towards the elevators in search of studio 4.

****

I'm tired, hungry and it's nearing 9.30 pm. It's been a long ass day. Only thirty more minutes to go. I need to stay alert. Only half an hour left. Don't fall asleep Justin; don't succumb to the drowsiness that's overtaking your consciousness. No droopy eyes either. Who the fuck am I kidding?

"Ok Yolanda, that was good. Take five and then we're going to run over the chorus one last time." I wearily speak into the microphone over the intercom.

"Ok thanks. I'm going to head across the street to grab a coffee at one of the cafés." She smiles, pulling off the headphones from her ears and placing it over the mic before she exits the recording booth.

"Don't take too long." I warn her, as she waves me off, grabbing her purse before she leaves the studio room.

Sighing, I rest back in my seat, playing around with a few knobs and dials on the soundboard before I disregard it all together. So far, we have at least four beats for Yolanda to work on that Tim provided. We want this song to be her single though, so I've decided to get an early start on it today. She's doing well so far, but I'm not focused. I'm far from it. Why you ask? Isn't it obvious? I'll give you a hint: she's in here right now, sound asleep on the studio couch. I don't know how because that thing is really lumpy but, I guess when you're worn out, you'll knock out anywhere.

We've been in the studio whole day only breaking to eat and use the washroom. I'm sure Zara is exhausted from just being in here listening to Yolanda sing the same lyrics over and over again. I am too. Plus, I've been informing her on what's expected with this schedule we have set up. Did I mention that we'll be ending our two months with a trip to the V.M.A's that's going to be hosted right here in LA? Yolanda is scheduled to do her first live performance of her first single that night. So, you can bet we're going to be running around here like chickens. The good news is, I was able to grab Marty to work with her until I can hire her own personal choreographer.

But the real reason why I'm so tired is because I barely slept last night. I stayed up for hours on end replaying the argument Zara and I had last night. I finally came to a conclusion that I need to be an adult about all this. I wasn't going to walk around the house ignoring her or making snide remarks at her. I was out of line, but I had a good reason...I think. The point is, I've realized that it was both in our best interest if I just apologized in the morning and get past our bickering.

I'm going to be mature about all this. Besides, I'm dead set on Zara and me getting along. I can't be enemies with someone I'm going to be seeing practically everyday. We have a lot going on for the both of us. Unnecessary added stress isn't needed. So, I sucked up my pride yet again and apologized. It did feel good that she apologized for causing me permanent back damage as well. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but my back still feels a little sore. In fact, I'm in desperate need for a massage right now.

"Shit..." I groan as I arch my back forward, trying to crack my spine.

"I'm really sorry about that." I hear Zara's soft voice and I whip around to glare at her.

"I thought you were sleeping." I state, watching as she sits up before stretching out her arms. My gaze instantly falls to her stomach when I see the light pink blouse she's wearing itch up over her skin allowing me to get a peek of her navel ring. Have I mentioned how I think that's very hot?

"I was, but I heard you groaning loudly and it sounded like you were in pain." She stands and ambles towards me, stopping next to me while she leans against the soundboard.

"Yeah well, I'm still a little sore. It's cool though. You had every right to jack me up the way you did. It just hurts..." I smile and she smiles back at me.

"You deserved it." She giggles, but stops suddenly. "I honestly didn't know I was that strong though."

"No shit. I believe that you ‘gym'. And if it's with your brother, I'm not surprised if you could beat me up." I chuckle.

"Yeah, Malcolm's obsession kind of rubs off on you after a while."

"Ok, but please tell me you aren't thinking of bodybuilding because that would be wrong." I chortle heartily while clutching my stomach.

"Hell to the no! I'm trying to become thin, not a huge mass of muscles." She touches my shoulder playfully.

"Really? Because, I think you look nice the way you are. You're not exactly fat per say." Oh wow, did I just say that? Rewind! Undo! Shit.

"I see. This coming from the same man who never noticed me and used to size me up with disgust?" She arches her brows at me and I pray that we don't argue again.

"I'm really sorry for how I've treated you Zara, but I'm trying my best to make up for it. Know I am. I don't want us always at each other's throats. My mom raised me to never judge a person solely on the way they look. If she knew I did that to you she'd be ashamed to call me her son. But, you know she's right. Because just talking to you the way I have, even if it's not always pleasant, I've come to realize that there's a lot of depth behind those hazel eyes, and your tall curvy frame." I smile warmly at her and I'm hoping she knows that I'm being sincere, because I am.

"Wow, that was..." Her gaze is practically boring a hole into me as she shakes her head before a large grin adorns her features. "Really nice and decent of you. At least you're being honest. Thanks." She says meekly.

"It's true you know. I wish you had a little more self-confidence to see what I see. You're not hideous Zara. I know you think that you are but you're not. And that worries me a bit. I mean, you don't need all those weight loss gimmicks. You're a beautiful black woman. Why won't you see that and embrace your height and size...even use it to your advantage?" Ok, who is this guy? I swear I don't know the person who just said that. I don't say stuff like that to people. What's wrong with me? More importantly what the hell is she doing to me?

"Oh wow Justin. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Two amazing compliments twice in a row. I didn't think you were humanly capable." She muses, but I don't find it funny. It took a lot out of me to dig up this disgustingly nice streak I have going.

"Yeah well I try..." I shrug, deciding that I just need to shut the hell up, before we end up crying on each other's shoulders wondering why the world is such a cruel place. Hardy har, har.

"You're so full of shit." Zara laughs and I just twitch my mouth into agreement with her. "Maybe I can help you out some; since you practically had to cut off your nuts to be so pleasant with me just now." She adds.

Cut off my nuts? Ouch, not in your life babe. I watch as she moves over to me, standing right behind my sitting form. "What are you doing girl?" I chuckle.

"Giving you a well deserved massage." She replies before I feel her hands rest softly on my shoulders. "I guess I owe you one."

Oh shit...no...I don't want her to do that. I don't want her to touch me. Bad things happen when we touch...oh shit...but...Oh damn, that feels good.

"Oh my god..." I groan as my eyes shut tightly while I relish in the feel of her hands kneading my sore muscles.

"Good?" She asks, as she keeps working on my shoulders slowly. Fuck, good is not the way to describe it. Try fantastic, or amazing, or unbelievable or...

"Yeah...shit." I choke out as I instantly relax against her touch. Damn, even her touch is hypnotizing. Is there anything this woman can't do?

"I'm glad you like it. Just relax and release your tension. Loosen up your muscles." She instructs and I do just that. I'm not complaining here. I'll take a free massage any day. Besides, I really think she knows what she's doing.

"You...you're really good at that." I manage to force out. I'm a little tongue tied right now. Zara has no idea what she's doing to me internally.

"Yeah, well, my aunt is a professional masseuse. She taught me the fundamentals."

Oh, well, that would explain why I'm now putty in her hands. I swear I feel so light right now. Not able to voice an ok, I just nod.

A few minutes later, I feel her stop what she's doing and my eyes instantly shoot open. No! Don't stop! I was just relaxing...or more like falling asleep.

I instantly stand up straight, my legs feeling slightly weak. What am I, a woman? Damn it.

"Why'd you stop?" I ask curiously, turning to face her.

"Go lie on your stomach on the couch." She instructs, just watching me blankly.

Wow is that a sexual invitation?

"So I can work on your back Justin." She emphasizes when I don't budge and I mouth an ‘oh', before I follow her instructions. Maybe, I should just tell her thanks and that it's ok I feel fine, but my back really does ache.

Doing as I'm told, I lie down on the large lumpy couch baffled by how she could sleep on that thing. I mean seriously, it's extremely uncomfortable.

My mind completely blanks out when I feel her straddle my waist. Suddenly, all these random thoughts keep passing through my mind. But all that is ignored, when her hands move under my shirt, itching their way up my bare back. She lifts my shirt up as high as possible and I make sure to keep my eyes closed in the process. I know this shouldn't be any form of erotic because we're in the studio for crying out loud. Not the best setting, but it is. It's very erotic. Oh fuck.

A small shiver passes up and down my spine when I feel her cold fingers connect to my bare skin. I want to tell her to stop. I want to tell her that she has no idea how turned on I'm getting by this, but I can't. I can't because my voice remains lodged in my throat as I let out a heavy sigh when she begins working around the muscles on my back. I'm seriously in heaven right now. Her hands are amazing. They're magic or something, because I'm definitely under some type of spell. Ok, so that was lame, but it's true. It really is you know. I mean, my breathing is becoming labored as she moves her delicate hands around the area of my back, kneading and squeezing my muscles while she takes away the pain.

This is bittersweet. I can hear her steady breathing and I'm almost certain she's fully concentrating on taking out the kinks in my back. Unfortunately my thoughts are anything but innocent right now.

I mean, should I be paying attention to the fact that her crotch is pressed up against my lower back? Is that right? Is it wrong to wish I was lying on my back right now facing her so I could stare into those bright hazel eyes instead?

I'm not sure how long Zara's been working on my back but I think a good amount of minutes have gone by. I wonder where Yolanda is. I really don't want her walking in on us.

"Almost done." I finally hear Zara speak and I'm a little beyond her statement. Oh we're done. We're done right now...I can't take anymore of this torture.

Without warning, I flip over unto my back feeling her sway on top of me as she tries to keep her balance. I grip her waist firmly so she doesn't fall over and she squeals before she falls forward on me as her breasts smack into my chest. Shit, that was a sensational feeling, causing me to let out a light groan.

"Sorry." I whisper in a raspy tone as her hands are sprawled out above my head while she tries to push herself up a bit.

"It...it's ok. I guess I'm done th...then." She stutters, staring deeply into my eyes. "Uh, Justin?" She whispers in a shaky tone.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, entranced by the heat that's radiating between us. I also haven't forgotten that she's straddling my waist and as innocent as this is, it's anything but.

"What are you doing?" She asks curiously. "Let me up please."

I've realized that she can't get up because I have a death grip around her waist holding her in place. I honestly don't want her to get up. I'm enjoying this too much. Besides, I like the fact that our faces are only inches apart where I can feel her hot breath on my neck every time she exhales.

"What if I said I don't want to?" I challenge.

"You have to because I asked politely." She retorts as her lips curl into a small smile.

"So?"

"Justin please." She's begging now and I can tell by the look in her eyes that I'm not the only one who's turned on right now. I knew I had an effect on her.

"No." I drawl simply.

"Why not? Just let me up. What is this really? What are you doing Justin?" She snaps with a confused tone.

"I don't know...kissing you?" I grin, before I lean up and capture her lips with mine, not waiting for her response.

She begins struggling against me and pushing at my chest, but believe it or not, I'm still stronger than her. Ignoring her protests, I instinctively deepen the kiss getting lost in our embrace. Her lips are just as soft and as delicate as I remember them. It's not long before she stops fighting me, instantly relaxing against my hold. And victory is mine yet again.

My hands loosen their grip around her as I begin rubbing and massaging her sides. She's not going anywhere. Not with the way she's ravishing me right now. God, she's a freak. That simple kiss has turned into something quite intense and certainly above the both of us.

I hear her whimper against me before she shudders and releases a cute little moan. Her hands are groping the sides of my face as I grab her firm ass, immediately flipping us over so I'm now hovering on top.

I think we've been making out and groping each other for a good while now, because I can feel my arousal growing painfully hard. Shit...fuck. I...can't do this. I should stop, but she's ...fuck, she has this suction on me right now. That's not the Zara I know. Why hasn't she stopped me, enforcing how wrong this is? Not that I'm complaining but...

Forcefully pulling away from her, I break the lip-lock we shared, exhaling heavily. Licking at my painfully swollen lips, I try to ease my erratic breathing as I rest my forehead against hers with my eyes shut tightly.

"Zara?" I choke out in a gravelly voice.

"I know, we shouldn't have but I just...god, I don't know. I..." She's fighting for an explanation as to why she just indulged in our little act and I find that to be the sweetest thing. I guess she really is attracted to me.

"It's ok, I liked it." I smile, now staring into her beautiful orbs.

"Me too." She sighs sadly. "But, it can't happen again. You know this isn't right Justin."

Frowning, I sit up a bit to get a better look at her. "What? Why would you say that? I think there's something there between us Z. Else this wouldn't have happened again." I defend as my face contorts in bewilderment. Leave it to her to ruin the mood.

"I know but it's just....we can't pursue this. Whatever this is, that's going on between us Justin. Not unless I quit my job or something and I don't want to." She explains.

Ok, what the fuck is happening now? I don't understand her. First, she's kissing me like there's no tomorrow, then she's giving me some bullshit excuse why we can't be attracted to each other?

"What? So you're saying, just because you're my employee nothing can happen between us?" I ask incredulously.

Breaking the eye contact, she moves underneath me trying to push me off. I oblige as I get off her, taking a seat next to her.

"Basically yeah."

"Fine then, I'll fire you if that's what you want." I suggest but she shakes her head no.

"No, I don't want that because I..." She drifts off, getting up and walking away from me. "I don't want anything with you. I mean I...I don't want an us Justin." She tries to reason and it's really hard for me to hide the hurt that's plastered on my face right now for the entire world to see.

That was a low blow. I think I felt that one right through my chest. "What?! So what the fuck was that Zara? What the fuck is this?" I motion my hands between the two of us. "Because you have to be blind to not recognize the sexual tension." I growl, passing my hands over my face as the frustration takes over.

"That's exactly it Justin. It's just built up sexual tension and nothing more! I think you can solve that issue with Mallory or someone else. The point is you and I would never work out. I'm not your type and we're not compatible." She raises her hands in the air for effect.

Ok, how would she even know if we're compatible or not? Crossing my hands over my chest, I stand to face her. "Really? That's how you feel?" I inquire and she nods in response. "Well how would you know if you don't give it a try huh Z? How can you be so sure, when we haven't even attempted to get to know each other huh?" My tone slightly increases in volume. I honestly don't know why I'm being so emotional about this. I guess I never expected to get shot down by Zara of all people.

Wait, I'm a little lost by how we ended up on this topic.

Turning her back to me, she doesn't respond because she knows I'm right.

"Come on Zara, give me a good reason why you wouldn't want to find out if we could work out as a couple or something." I'm not saying that's what I want right now, because I really don't. But, she's making it seem like such a big deal. So we made out...twice. And we liked it. And sure, there's something obviously going on between us. But I'd hope that we could at least start off as friends before anything goes further. I'm not looking to just fuck her like I was before. She deserves better than that. She deserves a guy that actually, genuinely cares about her and can maybe help her to love herself a little more or help her realize the true beauty she is both inside and out. I'm not saying that guy is me but...shit, I don't know what I'm saying...

"Because Justin!" She whips around to glare at me. "I like Jeremy a lot and I want to be with him, not you ok?" She snaps, and for the first time that night, I'm rendered speechless. I wasn't expecting her to say that!

Before I even have a chance to digest her little revelation, the studio door swings open and in walks Yolanda and Mike.

"I'm so sorry Justin! The line was crazy long, but I brought back a coffee for you and Jahzara. I know it's late so maybe we should just call it a night, and pick up where we left off tomorrow. I bounced up with Mike in the parking lot too so he's here to take us home." Yolanda explains as she walks between Zara and me, handing us our cups.

Blinking slowly, I shake my head, snapping out of my trance before I grab the item from Yolanda's hand thanking her in the process.

"Ok, sure, that's fine...we can leave now." I ramble out, grabbing my cell and other items, before I shut down the soundboard and recording booth lights.

"Thanks Yolanda." Zara voices, causing me to snap my head up at her. I glare at her for a brief moment, before I speed up my pace, making sure everything is turned off before we all exit the studio. I'm not quite sure how to feel or what to say to her right now. I...I don't know what I'm feeling, but whatever it is...it hurts. And I don't like it. And I just want it to fucking go away!

On our way through the parking lot, I ask Mike to toss me the keys to my hummer since I've decided to drive.

"Here you go J." He sends me the object and I shut off the alarm, unlocking the doors so everyone can enter.

I watch as Mike hops into the passenger seat and Yolanda gets into the back. Before I can make it around to the driver's side, Zara stops me by gripping unto my arm.

"Justin, talk to me please. I didn't mean what I said to come out the way it did. I thought we were going to get past this childish behavior." She pleads.

"It's cool Zara. I'm not ignoring you if that's what you're so worried about. And what you said came out the way you intended it to. Let's just go ok? I'm tired." I reply emotionlessly.

Pulling my arm out of her grasp, I never once turn to look at her or acknowledge her presence. Instead, I opt to walk away from her, hopping into the driver's side only pausing long enough to hear her let out an exasperating sigh, before I bring the ride to life, speeding out of WEG's parking lot and heading straight for my mansion in silence.

***

Quotes by: J.K Rowling, Anonymous & Unknown

Three Weeks Later...

Thursday evening...

Communication Is Key

*Let's have a chat...*

"Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

"Ok, ok, so I was just sitting with Yolanda at the hair salon minding my own business when this woman walks up to us gushing and all star struck. She was like, aren't you Yolanda Glenmore? And you're Jahzara her PA! It's so nice to meet you sweetie. Ha, ha, it was cute. I never felt so embarrassed in my life!" I beam, stuffing a fork full of pasta in my mouth.

"That's amazing girl, but I expected it sooner or later. I mean, Yolanda's single just came out a few days ago and it's on fire!" Jeremy grins, taking a sip of his wine.

Nodding my head in agreement, I take a sip of wine as well. Just so you know, Jeremy and I are out to dinner on one of the many dates we've been going on, for almost a month now.

After the incident in the studio with Justin over three weeks ago, I've moved on since then. I mean, I really did want him you know? I wanted to be with him. I think a part of me still does. But in all honestly, I'm terrified. I know the kind soul Justin can be; but I've seen so much of this roar, uncaring, unfazed, cocky side of him, I'm just scared that maybe he won't really change. Even if he tries to be nice to me, I can still see how difficult it is for him and how it takes so much out of him. I've realized he's all wrong for me. I know what you're thinking. I'm so stupid because it's Justin Timberlake, but I just don't feel like he can give me the stable, loving relationship I need. He has a crazy life. And, I think he was just looking for casual sex. I may not think much of myself, but I know I'm better than that. Plus, Jeremy on the other hand is a perfect candidate. I can look past his line of work. His schedule still won't be as chaotic as Justin's own. I need to stop comparing them though, this is wrong.

Anyway, the last few weeks have been hectic. I've been training with Johnny non stop, next week being my last. Yolanda has done a few club shows, we've been to a ton of interviews and even a few photos shoots. It's been a crazy few weeks, but surprisingly I'm enjoying it. And my new line of work is perfect. I get paid to boss Yolanda around. Well it's not really bossing around but...you know. She can be a handful sometimes and she's very stubborn when she has her mind set on what she wants, but I can handle her.

Also, Justin is back to just being his regular old self with me. He's not being an asshole or arrogant...just Justin I guess. We talk ok, we get along ok. Everything is on the surface with us again. He seems to be ok with Jeremy. I mean he even invited him over a few times to chill out with us and they went to a Lakers game with Trace a few nights ago. I'm glad they're getting along. Justin is really being a man in all this. Then again, I don't see why he would dwell on something as little as a physical attraction between us. He's successfully cured his ailment about two weeks ago, when he began bringing Jessica Beil around. Plus, they were spotted out on several occasions by the paparazzi. Yeah, I watch Access Hollywood and read the tabloids. It's good entertainment.

The point is, I thought that thing with him and her was over. But, he's a celebrity bachelor. I guess anything goes these days. I don't like her though...I think she's fake. But if that's what Justin wants then by all means he can have it. The funny part about all of this is, I think he might have popped a vein or blood vessel while on the phone with Mallory this week. She isn't taking too kindly to the ‘Timber-Beil' fling. I felt pity for him when I heard him yelling at her on the phone. But hey, it's not like Mallory has any claims over him. She needs to get over herself.

I've also been calling my brother every chance I get to give him the update on what's going on with me. I know he still has doubts about Jeremy, but he's just being protective. Jeremy is a sweetheart and he's my man now. Wow, my man. I like the sound of that...

"Hey girl, are you almost done?" Jeremy asks, nudging my arms lightly.

"Huh?"

"You spaced out for a while there. What's going through your mind?" He grins at me coyly.

"Oh just thinking about you." I smile back. Yeah among other things, but you don't need to know that.

"That's cute, but I'm right here girl. I'm sure we could make whatever fantasies a reality, don't you?" He inquires in a husky tone.

Oh, ok! I'm digging this. "You're crazy." I giggle causing him to chuckle as well.

"Well that dinner was amazing."

"Yeah it was. I enjoyed my pasta and shrimp scampi."

"So, are you ready to get out of here?" He extends his hands for me to take.

"Of course!" I smile, grabbing his hand at we stand.

Jeremy quickly signals the waiter over requesting the bill. When he gets it, he places some money in the small book as well as a tip before he leads me to the exit of the restaurant.

Tonight was an amazing night, but I'm really happy to be back at Justin's. I'm exhausted and need some shut eye.

After Trace buzzes us in, Jeremy drives up to the entrance of Justin's home, shutting off his metallic blue BMW before he looks over at me.

"Have I told you how amazing you look tonight in that long black dress?" He coos, leaning over to push some strands of hair out of my face.

"About a million times." I blush. I swear this man showers me with endless compliments.

"Well with good reason. I had a great time. I have some business to take care of tomorrow, so Justin is taking over Yolanda's workout for me. But, I'll be seeing you on Saturday for our surfing date. Deal?"

"I don't know too much about that Jer. I mean...I can't surf!" I squeal with excitement. Who am I kidding? I'll take any opportunity where he graces my body with his big masculine hands. Hmm, I wonder if he plays golf. You have to get real close and personal when teaching that sport.

"That's why I'm going to teach you. I'll have you like a pro when I'm done with you." He speaks confidently.

"Oh, I'm a little interested in knowing what else you could teach me Mr. Rowland." I coo as I lean forward placing a light kiss on his thick juicy lips. I swear the man is such a great kisser, but Justin is still ten times better though. Shit, what am I thinking? Stay focused Jahzara. Yeah, I can do this.

"Maybe a few things." He croaks out in between kisses and I smile as his hands find their way to my stomach.

Pulling away from our embrace, I plant another large one on his lips before I open the car door getting ready to exit. "Bye Jer. I'll miss you. See you on Saturday."

"Bye Z. I'll call ok? Take care now." He waves bye to me as I exit the ride shutting the door behind me.

Stepping back, I watch as he brings the car to life, honking on his way out of the estate. When he's out of sight, I release a sigh of contentment before I run up Justin's steps and swing the front door open.

As I walk further in, I hear what seems to be full blown laughter coming from the living room. Rounding the corner, I'm greeted by a red-faced Trace, some girl I've never seen before, a clutching his stomach while toppling over Justin, and her...miss Jessica Beil herself. I never liked her movies. I think she's played out and should retire.

"Oh Zar-bear hey!" Trace yells, standing from his sitting position and coming over to hug me tightly. In case you're lost, Trace and I have oddly enough become good friends over the last few weeks. He's a really cool guy to just hang out with and talk to. I've learnt a lot from him about being a PA and some interesting facts about Justin as well. Like when they were young, Justin would take his mother's sequence dresses and wrap them up around his little body while sliding across the floor in socks before he'd break out in one of those Michael Jackson dances, singing to the lyrics and everything! I thought that was embarrassing, hilarious and adorable all together.

"Hey Tracey-poo." I hug him back hearing him groan.

"I hate that nickname." He scoffs, releasing our embrace.

"I'm not too fond of mine either."

"Well I like it so it's staying."

"Fine then, mine's staying too." I stick out my tongue at him childishly.

We both exchange weird glances before we burst out into laugher. I think we have some strange ESP thing going on.

"So how was your date?" Trace asks, grabbing my hands and leading me over to their little foursome.

"Perfect as always." I reply and he nods in response. "Hey guys." I greet the other three persons sitting on the couch noting their questionable glares as they sit in silence, just watching my interaction with Trace.

"Fun night?" Justin inquires, barely making eye contact with me.

Glaring at him, I note how Jessica is all over him, rubbing her hands over his chest and fiddling with his newly forming curls. Get a room people!

"Yeah." I respond with a dreamy smile. "Anyway, I won't keep you all from whatever it is you're doing. I'm going to head up for the night." I turn to leave but Jessica's annoying voice stops me.

"So, you and Jeremy Rowland huh? Interesting. You know he's a celebrity in the world of fitness trainers? You got yourself quite a catch sweetie. Hold on to that one." She states in a mock condescending manner. Did anyone else see the venom spewing form her mouth? Would it be appropriate if I went over there and slapped that cheesy smile off her face in front of Justin? I'd really love to.

"Yeah he is. Don't worry I intend to." I give her a tight smile.

Turning to face Trace I shrug. "Night Trace." I voice as he shakes his head, giving me an apologetic stare.

Diverting my attention to Justin I realize that his attention is back on Jessica. I think he's forgotten I'm even in the room. No matter though, I'm out.

Not saying anything else, I quickly exit the living room, taking the steps by twos until I reach the hallway, walking briskly to my room. When I finally get in, I shut the door behind me heading straight into the bathroom to take a hot shower.

"What a night..." I sigh, as I disrobe myself, turning the shower handle to set the right temperature.

****

I agree that Jessica was out of line with the way she talked to Zara. It's almost like she was belittling her. I felt really bad about that but I didn't want to call Jessica out on it in front of everyone.

I did however, pull her to the side and told her that was uncalled for. She was judging Zara, I know she was. She even asked me what Jeremy could possibly see in her. But I didn't respond, because I have a pretty good idea what he sees in Zara. She's a very attractive woman and I'm sure Jessica is aware of that which is why she's behaving all insecure and shit.

Now I know why I don't want a Hollywood girlfriend anymore. And, Jessica isn't my girlfriend. We're just hanging out...and fucking. Ok, yeah I'm a dick, but the sex is still good. Plus, if I can't have Zara, I'll settle for Jessica. She doesn't need to know that though. But, I think I've done well and been very accepting of Jahzara and Jeremy's newly forming relationship. Yes, it was a little hard at first, but I bounce back easily. I'm cool with it.

Walking up to Zara's room after I told Jess to leave, I knock on the door lightly.

"Just a minute!" She replies and I wait patiently for her to open.

Seconds later, she swings the door open and my words remain stuck in my throat when I see her standing there in just a towel.

"Hey Justin. What's up?" She asks casually.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I enquire, taking in her dripping curls and partly wet figure. Wow, my mind is swimming in corruption right now.

"No it's cool. Come on in." She moves aside for me to enter, and I'm a little skeptic about this, but my feet have a mind of their own.

Walking into the room, I cringe when I hear her slam the door shut. I instantly move over to a nearby chair, taking a seat as I scan my surroundings.

"Be right back." She tells me before she grabs some clothes off the bed and retreats into the bathroom.

Ok, now is the perfect time to be honest with you. I'm not really ok with this whole Jeremy thing. No one really knows that much about him. I've known him for a few years but not personally. I have no idea what he's like even though he's always polite and pleasant. I like the guy but, I just don't think he's right for her. Wait, let me rephrase that. I like him, but I think if given a chance I could be better for her. Yeah that's it. I don't know how, why or when it happened, but Trace was right. I do like Zara, and those feelings haven't disappeared like I hoped they would. Because, every time I see or talk to her, I'm reminded of how I love the feeling of her in my arms, the smoothness of her skin and her velvet lips against mine. But I'm respecting her wishes. I guess Jeremy has something I don't. Or maybe I was too late in noticing the shy, reserved woman that's been working for me for over a year now. I'm such a pathetic case.

"Alright, so what's going on?" Zara enquires, exiting the bathroom before she skips over to me hopping on the bed. I watch as she tugs on her black wife beater and grey cotton shorts. Well she seems to be in a happy mood.

"I just came to apologize for Jessica earlier. I'm sorry about that. Don't worry though I talked to her about it." I explain.

"It's cool Ju. No harm done." She smiles warmly for me. "Is that all you wanted?"

No, that's not all I want. I want you too, but for whatever reason unbeknownst to me, you won't let me have you. But, I can wait though. "Yeah, yeah...sure. Since she didn't do any verbal damage I better leave. If I could, I would have gotten her to apologize herself, but that wasn't happening so..." I drift off as I stand to exit her room.

"Really Justin, I'm ok. Thanks though. That was sweet of you."

Nodding, I begin walking to the door but Zara jumps up and stops me.

"Hey! You don't have to leave just yet. I wasn't going to sleep or anything. I was just maybe going to read a book. We could hang." She suggests, pulling me over to the bed. "Sit, let's talk."

Talk? She wants to talk? What's that about? What type of conversation could we possibly have in here, alone, in a room, on a bed....ok, I'm getting ideas. If talking involves tossing articles of clothing across the floor while we communicate telepathically, I'm all up for it.

"What could we possibly have to converse about right now?" I ask feeling a bit perplexed. What has gotten into her?

"I don't know. I feel like we started off on a bad note. I mean, I really like you Justin. You're a good guy."

Stab me now, because this is like a breakup speech and we aren't even together.

"And, I'd really like it if we could get to know each other better and be friends and not think of each other as just business associates. I mean, I know that's how it's always been, but I don't know. Maybe we can find a way to get past that." She's staring at me with hopeful eyes, but what am I supposed to say to that?

"Ok..." I choke out. I really don't know what she expects from me.

"I know a lot has happened between us and I'm sorry if I was ever a bitch to you. I just want to wipe the slate clean so we can genuinely be on good terms with no harbored feelings."

Oh ok, I get it now. Is that her guilty side talking? No, no I think she's being sincere but, I don't want to be her friend. What the fuck kind of title is that? Ok, I'd love to be her friend. But not a friend with whom she shares all the gory details of her love and sex life. I'll pass on that.

"I...I don't know what to say. There are no hard feelings." I finally voice.

"Just say you'll give it some thought." She suggests, as I begin to observe her carefully. I think she's trying to tell me something.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I shrug. I don't fathom where this discussion is heading. Why lie to her and myself? "I can't...I mean I won't." I snap.

"What?" She inquires frowning at me.

"Zara, I don't know how truthful you think I'm going to be right now, but I can't just ignore my feelings towards you. I can put them on hold, but I'm not going to ignore them like everything is straight between us when it's not." Shut the fuck up Timberlake! Ah, you stupid asshole. Why did you say that? I'm so dumb.

"Excuse me?" She scoots away from me, and a look of insult flashes in her eyes. Just great. Me and my big mouth.

Sighing, I take in a deep breath. "Answer me this Z. Why don't you want things to go further between us?" Someone please tell me why I'm asking such a ludicrous question. I don't want her in that way. At least I don't think I do. I'm confused.

"Wh...What? I thought we got past that." Her gaze is unrelenting with intensity.

"We have, but that Jeremy excuse is weak. Besides, you barely know anything about him. Are you afraid of me?" I probe, closing the gap between us.

"I...I...you want the truth Justin?" She laments, surrendering.

"Please." I respond a little too quickly.

****

Why is he putting me on the spot like this? What do I tell him? Maybe, if I want us to be friends, it requires me being honest with him. Yeah, honesty is the best policy right? But how can I tell him the way I feel if it's only going to make things more awkward between us? I was trying for us to start afresh not make things more complicated. But, I guess he deserves to know something. Well, here goes nothing...

"Ok Justin, you're right. I'm a little afraid of you but that's not the issue." I begin.

"You're afraid of me?" He enquires looking at me stunned.

"Just, the issue is, as much as I'd love for this attraction we have to grow into something more, it can't." I try to explain. He's making this difficult with the way he's just sitting there, staring at me with those big gorgeous blues.

"Is there more to this explanation?" He probes.

"Well, ok Justin, I'm going to set the record straight with you. Let's say I was considering being with you. I don't think we'd work simply from the type of person I know I am, and the type of person you portray, because I only know what I see when it comes to you. Also, I can almost bet, the public and your fans would have a field day with me, critiquing and commenting on every aspect of my life as well as my looks. I'm not strong enough to deal with that. And finally, I'm with Jeremy now; I'd really like to give that a try. I don't want to throw away a good guy." I inhale deeply at the end of my speech, trying to clear my nerves.

"Please don't think I'm being heartless or cold towards you." I continue when he remains quiet.

"That's the understatement of the year." He grumbles under his breath.

"Justin, I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd even voice what I just said. I thought it would always be you telling me, or giving an excuse why I barely existed to you." Wow, there's a twinkle in his eyes as he cocks his head to the side furrowing his brows at me. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

"Really? So, that means you're just scared. You're shocked that I'm showing interest in you? Because I'm still trying to figure this out myself." He explains, our shoulders now touching at how close we're sitting. This little honesty chat is taking a toll on me.

"Yes." I admit, not knowing how else to answer those questions.

"Interesting. But I still don't like this Jeremy thing." He states, as he plays with the stubble under his chin in thought.

"Well," He says suddenly standing up. "I'm going to turn in. It was a nice chat, thanks. Maybe next time we can actually work on getting to know each other some."

Wait! Hold on! What just happened? That's not the response I was looking for! I was sort of looking for him to say why I should maybe dump Jeremy and give him a chance. Ahhh! He's so confusing!

"Uh, ok?" I reply weakly.

****

I've changed; I've become soft and I allow my emotions to control me. And the reason I've changed is because of Jahzara. I had to break down my sturdy, ‘I-don't-take-your-shit' demeanor to be able to deal with her. Because well, she's fragile to a certain extent. But since she's focused on ‘gym boy', I really don't have to care anymore or watch what I say and how I talk to her. I'm not going to be a jerk, but I'm not going to be pseudo-sensitive either. I'm just going to let her do her thing. Besides, she's got Yolanda to worry about.

I guess I really was going through a phase of some sorts. I'm glad it's more less over. That little conversation helped me to realize a few things. Like never trust a creature that can bleed for five to seven days once every month and not die. Ha!

"I'm going to turn in early. Night Z." I voice as she stands to face me. So, I still think she's beautiful, thick and curvaceous, which is a spin from the women I've dated recently. But I'm not about to admit that vocally. And, I'm definitely falling in love with those bright hazel eyes, but, that doesn't mean anything. I'm perfectly unaffected by my employee.

"Ok Justin. Sleep well." She gives me a light hug and smiles sweetly at me.

"You too." I lean forward and place a soft kiss on her cheek, lingering there a few seconds longer than necessary, taking in her fruity scent. "Strawberries!" I suddenly shout as realization hits when I pull away from her.

"What?" She inquires quizzically.

Oh, I said that out loud? Shit. Looking down at her we lock eyes briefly and I give her a shy grin. "You smell like strawberries. Nice choice."

"Uh...yeah...thanks...and?" She lifts her hands, signaling for me to elaborate.

"Nothing, I like it." I smile as I back up to the door, swinging it open.

Stepping into the hallway, I notice that she's still standing in the same spot just glaring at me. She must be fighting to figure out the reason for my sudden outburst. Well, she doesn't need to know that I've been racking my brain, trying to identify her sent for some time now. I'm glad that mystery is solved though.

A sly grin creeps unto my features as a thought passes through my mind. Before I shut the door, leaving her alone for the night, I wink before I say. "Sweet dreams berry."

Taking in her shocked expression, as her mouth hangs open from the new nickname I've given her, I begin to chuckle shaking my head with amusement. It's not long before she bursts into a fit of giggles and I use that as my cue to quietly shut the door, deciding to wait for her response to my little statement in the morning.

****

Quotes by: Ralph Emerson & Anthony Robbins

Next Day...

Late Friday Afternoon...

And So, It Begins

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting. Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. "

"Hey! Give me that!" I yell over the loud noisy crowd as I grab my miniature foam finger from Justin's grasp.

"Ok, ok, lighten up. Damn!" He chuckles. "You're so childish. Who even buys that anymore?" He teases, handing me the item.

"Whatever bush man!" I retort, causing him to frown. Justin's hands instantly connect with his growing stubble as he strokes the hairs around his mouth region.

"I think it gives me a masculine sexiness. Don't you?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I stick my index finger in my mouth pretending to gag. Chuckling, he shoves me lightly in the shoulder before he diverts his attention to Trace.

"What do you think man? Doesn't my beard make me look sexy?" He asks his best friend.

Oh my god, I swear I just saw Trace turn many shades of red and I don't think he's blushing. I think he's more along the lines of furious. His eyes are bulging out of his sockets and there's an identifiable scowl plastered on his face.

"Justin. Are you attention deprived? Is your A.D.D acting up again?" Trace mocks with a satisfied grin on his face when Justin jacks him to shut up. I'm just sitting here giggling at the two idiots I'm regrettably stuck with for the rest of the day.

"Ok Juan, I get it. You're not the person to ask." Justin groans.

"I still can't believe you all dragged me to a Lakers game. This is amazing. How did I get you to talk me into this?" I whine, trying to get comfortable in our court side seats as my eyes wonder over to the players who just came out from their locker rooms and unto the court. If Malcolm knew I was here he'd freak out because he's a huge Lakers fan. I don't think I'm going to tell him.

"Because it was either that or you stayed home to baby-sit a PMSing Yolanda." Justin jokes, causing me to giggle. He's right; I'll take the game. She was literally having a bitch fit just before we left, because Lonnie brought her cold water when she asked for room temperature. She's a spoilt celebrity in the making. I felt sorry for Lonnie. He looked like he wanted to strangle her.

She also begged Justin to skip this morning's workout due to cramps. I had to back Yolanda up on that one when Justin was being difficult stating that if it was Jeremy, he wouldn't tolerate her mood swings. Men just don't understand these ‘womanly times'. I was able to convince him to let her sleep in, and even offered to make it up by accompanying him on his morning jog.

Now, I don't jog. I hate running. I can gym and workout, but I hate the running aspect of it. But, for Justin's sake I did it. I'm not sure how many miles we ran, but by the time we returned to the house I could barely walk up the stairs to take a shower. Justin had the grandest time laughing at me because of it. He even had to push me part of the way. You think I'm lying? I still have the sore muscles to prove it, which is why I can't seem to find a comfortable spot in this seat.

"Would you stop fidgeting? You're making me anxious." Justin jokes, placing his large hand on my jeans clad thigh ceasing my actions.

"Oww." I cry out in pain from his applied pressure causing him to instantly jerk back.

"Sorry. I forgot you're crippled and still in pain from this morning's jog." He laughs at me and I pout feeling a little ashamed. Bowing my head, I begin playing with my nail tips. It's a nasty habit. "Aww you're a cute pouter." He coos, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. "But that fiddling with your nail thing is very irritating."

"You're mean Ju." I say in a baby manner.

"Grow up woman." He chortles heartily.

"The two of you please shut up and stand for the national anthem. The game is about to begin." Trace interrupts, scolding us like we're ten year olds. Well, we're acting like it.

Justin and I both exchange glances then turn to shrug for Trace. Remaining silent, we do as we're told, standing for the anthem before we reclaim our seats, getting caught up over the Lakers verses Suns in the playoffs.

****

I'm glad Zara and I can get along so well. It's a change from how we usually are with each other. Besides, we spent most of the morning and early afternoon hanging out and just chatting. After our workout this morning, I took her out to breakfast as an apology for the fact that she was in agonizing pain. I think I'm going to try and convince her to jog with me more often. She's really terrible at it. She kept stopping every five or so minutes. It was extremely annoying.

We spent most of the day together since Johnny called in to cancel Zara's PA training due to a last minute change in his schedule. We also haven't gone to the studio since Yolanda is sick, and we rescheduled the photo shoot she had today. So, Zara and I hung out together for most of the day with Trace in tow. I actually got to know some things about her.

Like, her favorite color is red (I know, kind of odd since she usually wears dark colors); her favorite ice cream is rocky road; her favorite chocolate is Twix; she hates cats but loves dogs (thank god, because my babies are coming back home. Rachel is bringing them over to stay this time); her last real boyfriend was like five or so years ago (I think she needs to get laid to release her uptight attitude. Five years is a lifetime. She might as well be a nun); Her brother is her best friend, then Jeffery Rush (no surprise there); Her favorite hobby is reading novels (boring); I also found out that she wanted to be a psychologist (weird).

She loves Patrick Swayze movies like ‘dirty dancing' and ‘ghost'; She also loves The notebook, Gone with the Wind and Titanic. Have you noticed the trend here? They're all under the category of romance movies for the hopeless romantic. She actually dragged me down to the video rental store today to rent all those I've named among others. I swear on this green earth she will not get me to sit through them all. I'd rather lose my eye sight and go deaf than watch those ‘chick flicks' with her.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so I'm glad we're getting to know each other. I can't wait to know some more personal stuff about her though. It would do well for bribery. There's not much about me to know that she can't find on the internet or in a tabloid. All she really has to do, is know me for who I am and not the celebrity that the public sees. Besides that, Trace took it upon himself to share our childhood memories with her. I still can't believe he told Zara that Michael Jackson story where I would dance and sing to his songs. That was the most embarrassing thing ever. ‘Even worse than when your mom pulls out those naked baby pictures of you to show friends and family'. I turned ten shades of red on that one when Zara busted out Michael's "Rock with you" lyrics to me.

All in all, I'm actually enjoying getting to know the woman behind those hazel eyes and what makes her tick, along with her habits, good traits and flaws. She's a real goofball too when she lets her guard down. Believe when I say, Zara and Trace are a sight to behold. They got into an argument when we were having pizza for lunch today about Omarion and Chris Brown on who could dance better. I know right? I bet you're wondering what the fuck right? I was too. Trace was dead set on Omarion especially from the ‘You got served' movie. Zara, was all for Chris because of ‘Stomp the yard' and the James Brown rendition he did at the BET awards some time back. According to her he's cuter too with a nice smile...women I tell ya. It was a pointless argument that none of them won. I just sat in amazement at the scene too stupefied to even voice how retarded they were being.

But she's growing on me. I hate to say it, but I can't seem to picture my life without her somewhere in the background giving me that ‘Zara effect'. I'm not going into explanation on that term. Not now at least. It's just a scary feeling when you've become so use to someone as part of your life's routine, that you wonder what major change would you have to endure if they were suddenly ripped away from you...

"Earth to Justin! Come down from the planet ‘eldritch' man! They voted a new leader...you're no longer needed. That's why they shipped your alien ass to Earth!" Trace belts, pulling me out of my thoughts.

My eyes narrow at him significantly. How do you respond to such an unintelligent statement? It made no logical sense whatsoever. I think I'll just ignore that he and Zara are having a laughing fit at my expense as we walk out of the stadium heading to the congested parking lot. I can hear Mike snickering behind us so I shoot him a death glare. He's been real quiet tonight. I think he was too engrossed in the game to care about us. It's amazing those Lakers only won by three points, with Kobe making the winning shot. No surprise there. Basically, it was a good game.

Finally getting to my ride which is parked in the reserved section for special celebrity guests so we don't get trampled by fans, I shut off the alarm as everyone files into the hummer. This section of the parking lot it practically deserted, but it's better this way.

"Hey Ju." Zara calls out to me, walking over to where I'm standing at the back of the ride.

I just got a text from Mallory, before I hopped in for us to leave. I swear I've planned how I'm going to kill Mallory. All scenarios result in her falling stories to her death. It's a sick thrill of an idea to watch her falling as she screams to her death with her arms and legs flailing. If she gives me any more shit about Jessica, I'm going to fire her no questions asked.

"What's up berry?" I ask, lifting my head to stare at Zara. I watch intently as a small smile twitches into the corners of her mouth reaching all the way up to her bright eyes. She actually likes that nickname. I know, I was shocked myself when she didn't curse me out about it.

"Nothing. Just wondering why we're still here. We got a movie night to get to." She states, giggling when my face contorts into a sharp scowl. She is not going to drag me into her ‘chick fest'. I refuse to watch any one of those movies. Well, maybe Titanic because I get to see Leonardo DeCaprio die at the end. It's not your typical happy ending, so...

"Do I look like your brother?" I lash out, remembering that she told me about her ritual movie nights with Malcolm. I'm also hoping she gets the hint.

"No, he doesn't watch them with me either. Please Justin. We could have a fun night. You can make fun of the characters all you want. I won't get mad that you're an insensitive male." She begs. God, those ‘puppy dog' stares are driving me crazy. Her eyes are even glazed over. Damn it.

"No. Ask Trace." I simply state, diverting my attention back to the phone as I move to walk away from her, but she blocks my path.

"Please Ju." When I don't answer, she resorts to whining. "Come on Ju. Please! I'll owe you a favor." She adds entreatingly, and my ears instantly perk up at that offer.

"Really now?" I ask interestingly.

"Yeah sure. Anything. I know Yolanda is maybe knocked out on pain medication by now, and I don't want to be all alone by myself. That's no fun."

"Ok, fine." I think for a moment before an evil smirk takes over my face. I know she won't agree to what I'm about to ask her. It's the perfect way to get out of this certain death of boredom ahead. "I want a kiss." I simply state.

"What?! Like, on the cheek?" She humors me but I'm not being funny.

"No, I want a wet, long, sloppy one, with tongue and exchange of spit right here..." I drift off as I take my index finger, tapping my bottom lip lightly. I fight the urge not to laugh out loud when her face contorts with disgust.

"Eww Justin. You make kissing sound gross." She admits with disdain.

"So am I getting my bacteria filled, germy kiss or what?" I probe, releasing a light chortle when she makes the exact same face again. I'm really loving this. She seems to be deep in thought about it too. Night of gaming and endless beers here I come.

"Ah what the hell." She takes a few steps towards me and I instantly reverse away from her slamming my back into the hummer.

"What? Are you serious?" I inquire incredulously. Please tell me she's joking. I didn't expect her to say yes. Jesus, women are so confusing, I swear.

"Yeah, why not? It's harmless and I'm desperate for company and attention." She shrugs, slowly closing the gap between us. Ok, this is not how I envisioned things turning out.

"Oh really? And what about ‘Jer'?" I enquire, creasing my lips into a thin line as I study her facial expressions.

"Ah, what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Are you shitting me?"

She doesn't answer. Instead, she walks right up to me, grabbing the sides of my face. Crinkling my nose at her, I move to push her away, but she decides to protest by pushing her body flush against mine.

Well shit, I'm seriously confused right now, as my hormones and senses are now at alert. Has she finally lost all the screws holding her sanity in check?

"Zara what the fuck are you doing? Quit messing with me." I warn, feeling a little uneasy. I know for a fact, she's not serious about this. She can't be.

"Why? You were messing with me too. The only reason you gave me that condition is because you knew I wouldn't do it so you could get out of watching those movies with me. I mean seriously. You're acting like you're going to get your leg chopped off or something. It's just a movie. But, you're watching it, because two can play at your game Ju." And with that said, and no inclination of any warning, she crashes her soft lips unto mine.

Stunned? Shocked? Speechless?

Yeah, me too. I don't even think I'm reacting right now. In fact, my eyes are wide open and I'm not blinking. I'm just standing there, frozen in place as I feel my hands relax, causing my cell to drop on the ground of the parking lot. What the hell man? I hate this effect she has on me.

She's smiling into the kiss. Oh, that little she-devil. She's enjoying fucking with my head.

Hold up, she's cheating on Jeremy. Holy shit! She's fucking cheating on her first boyfriend in over five years with me, just because she wants to prove some kind of point. Way to go Zara. You're so stupid. Let me see you get yourself out of this one. Ok, I'm complaining too much. If she wants to kiss me haphazardly, I'll make sure to leave a lasting effect. I know this is a dangerous game we're playing, but so far, I'm enjoying it.

When she breaks our lip-lock and attempts to pull away, I instantly grip unto her waist, reeling her back in.

"No, no...that didn't count. I wasn't responding." I state in a raspy tone.

"What? Ju..." She places her palms flat on my chest, frowning and ready to push me away but I have evil tendencies here, so before she can object, I capture her lips again, this time into a heated kiss, with a lot of tongue action. Hey if she wants to kiss just to spite me I can return the favor.

Jesus, what the fuck are we doing? You don't make out with your friends. That's an unwritten rule. It's very wrong and we're both being very careless and dumb right now. But hey, one life to live right? Yeah, I wouldn't buy that bullshit attempt at an excuse for our actions either.

I can feel her relax against me as she wraps her hands snuggly around my neck, pulling me closer. Smirking, I place my hands on her lower back, just above the curve of her butt, as we remain glued to each other in a tongue wrestling match. Fuck, maybe I should reanalyze my level of stupidity. This was only supposed to be an honest ‘playful game', but by Zara's small moans, and the fact that the bulge in my jeans is slowly growing and becoming quite uncomfortable, I'm thinking we should stop.

Suddenly, even with my eyes closed, I feel what seem to be flashes of white light, invading the darkness behind my eye lids. What the fuck was that?! A camera flash? It's hard to tell with how bright these parking lot lights are. Fucking hell man...

Then it dawns on me. We're in the fucking stadium's parking lot, pressed up on my hummer, openly ‘making out'. Shit. Justin you've really done it this time. This is a new level of dumbness for me.

I try to pull away from Zara to end the kiss, but she has a death grip on my neck as she slowly savors my lips. We really choose the oddest places to make out. But this needs to end now.

"Z...Zara...berry stop." I choke out. "Ber...Jesus...chill out." I growl loudly when her legs graze my hardening erection as she slowly grinds her hips against mine. "Fuck. Zara!" I belt, gaining all my strength to push her off me...unfortunately.

Breathing heavily, she just stares at me half-dazed with those big hazel eyes as she licks those sweet swollen lips. I bite the corner of my mouth to suppress a groan from how sexy she looks right now. If I had my way, I wouldn't end our little game of tonsil hockey. It looks like the wind was knocked out of her. She knows what just happened shouldn't have, even though I'll never voice that. I would probably think it was hilarious and laugh till I passed out. But, the fact that we're the ones involved, I fail to see the humor.

Smiling at me sheepishly, she decides to bow her head and give her nails some habitual attention. Great. "Sorry." She laments and I just roll my eyes at her.

"If you two are done making out back there, can we please fucking leave? I'm hungry." Trace whines from the front seat. I even forgot he and Mike were there. Just fucking great. Now my life is going to be filled with an irritating noisy buzz that is Trace's voice.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch shorty. We're coming." I insult and he curses me out, before he pushes his head back inside the ride.

"Zara, let's just go ok?" I suggest, bending to pick up my cell and stuff it in my pocket before I grab her hands and lead her to the doors.

"If it's worth it, I don't regret it. I don't know why. But I don't." She says in a whisper but I catch it.

"It's cool. So what movie are we watching?" I ask, chuckling a bit. We're really good at pretending like nothing is up, ignoring the severity of these situations.

"Oh, Dirty Dancing, Ghost and The notebook." She contently divulges. Suddenly I don't think the kiss was worth it. Maybe a ‘workout' under the sheets might suffice but not a kiss.

"Damn it." I groan displeasingly.

"You asked for it man." She giggles, before we hop into the ride and speed out of the stadium, heading straight for home; but, not before we pick up some Chinese take out for our long movie night.

Look, if Zara's not going to talk about the possible calamity that could result from our little misguided indulgence then neither am I.

Shit, I can live with it; she can live with it...so we're straight.

****

"Oh man that was amazing!" A tall, blue eyed brunette stated as she kept her gaze on her camera flipping through the pictures she previously took out.

"Are you sure it was Justin Timberlake?" Her friend, a much shorter blonde asked curiously.

"Positive! Look...right here. That's a perfect view of them." The brunette pointed to the screen and sure enough there was a perfect angled shot of Justin and Zara kissing, with his arms around her waist and her hands draped around his neck.

"Oh wow, you're right. But who's the black girl? She looks kind of chubby too. Why would justin be kissing her?" The blonde asked, arching her nose in disbelief.

"I don't know who she is; I've never heard of her or seen her before. But how great is this? Do you know how much money we're going to get for those photos? Ahh!" The taller friend screamed with excitement.

"I know. I'm kind of happy. Not happy that we're butting into his private business though."

The brunette halted her tracks to look at her friend oddly.

"Are you joking? This is perfect. Just forget it. First thing Monday morning, we're going to the tabloids down in Hollywood. Now drop it. Let's get something to eat." She demands, grabbing her friend and intertwining their arms as they continue making their way out of the stadium grounds.

Shrugging, the shorter girl obliged silently, even though she inwardly felt bad for betraying Justin as a fan, by being an accomplice in exposing his personal life to the public.

****

Hours later...

Ok, so this time, I loved the kiss that we shared even though it was really awkward how it all happened. I honestly was only trying to mess with Justin and prove a point but it all took a different turn. What did I expect? That a simple kiss with him could just stay on the surface? Secretly, I just used it as an excuse to kiss him. Sad to say it, but he's addictive man. Especially when he darts out his tongue and licks his lips subconsciously. I just find that so sexy. Majority of the time, I don't think he's aware of it either.

I know, I'm the stupidest person alive and I just cheated on my boyfriend of only a month. So I guess that makes me a bitch too. My question is wouldn't you, if given the chance to kiss Justin Timberlake, go along with it? I know that's shallow but I swear on my grave when I say the man is irresistible...now more than ever since he's keeping this ‘kind streak' with me.

Anyway, that's beside the point. I'll deal with Jeremy when the time comes. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell him just yet. We're still so new in the relationship. He really is a nice guy you know? I really do like him. But Jer doesn't make my toes curl and every hair on my body stand on edge like Justin does.

God, I don't know what I'm doing. I messing with dangerous chemicals here that could ignite in my face at any time. I can't have my cake and eat it too. I'm seriously confused and terrified by the consequences of my actions, but every time I look at Justin in those beautiful sea blues of his, I toss all common sense and better judgment to the wind.

"I'm dying here berry. Like literally in pain." Justin groans, poking my stomach to get my attention.

Bowing my head to get a good look at him, since he's lying down on the couch with his head snuggly in my lap, I just shrug.

"You're acting like you're suffering and this is your worst possible fate." I muse.

"It is!" His eyes light up with mischief as he smiles at me slyly. "Come on, can't I head into the game room with Trace, Mike and Lonnie to play a game of pool instead? You're killing me here." He whines.

"No, I held up my end of the bargain with what I owed you so you're sticking with me through all three movies...and awake too! No sleeping." I scold, passing my hands through his unruly growing hair.

God what am I doing? I mean he's messing with Jessica and Mallory and I'm messing with Jeremy. We can't go around casually kissing on each other like this. Have I lost my mind?

"Please berry, that kiss is long paid off. I stayed silent through Dirty Dancing. ‘The notebook' is just too much. This is torture!"

Have you ever tolerated a whining Justin before? Believe me when I say all I want to do is smother him with the couch pillows.

"Uhhggg. You are beyond annoying Ju. Fine, will this help?" I ask curtly, as I lean down to lay a quick light kiss on his lips when he just lays there looking up at me.

There's a large goofy grin on his face now, as his eyes sparkle with acceptance of my gesture. "Lay another one on me and I'm mute for the rest of the movie. But I can't guarantee that would be enough if you want me to sit consciously through ‘Ghost.'" He supplies.

Giving him a hard poke on his side due to his stubbornness, I relent and lean down, placing another light kiss on his lips, giggling in the process.

I'm so going to burn in hell for this...

"Now shut up." I order and he just smiles smugly nodding his head, before he diverts his attention back to the screen. Well, that was easy.

Begrudgingly rolling my eyes, I grab the take out box on the coffee table deciding to delve into my chicken fried rice as we remain in silence watching the drama and plot unfold in one of my all time favorite love movies to date. What can I say? I'm a romantic sap.

But, am I doing the right thing, by willingly giving into my feelings towards Justin? I mean, it was only last night that I stated we couldn't be kissing and feeling on each other, but here I am going against my own words and he doesn't seem to mind at all. Oh god, and Jeremy. I'm such a horrible person. I know I'm going to pay dearly for my unscrupulous behavior.

You know, this ‘thing' Justin and I have going; I'm not sure what it is exactly or just how far it's going to go, or even how long it will last. I know one thing is certain...It was most definitely unexpected.

****

Quotes by: Buddha, Fulton

Next Day...

Saturday Afternoon...

The First Escapade

"We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible. Man cannot discover new oceans of adventures unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. "

"Ok Z, we're going to try this again!" Jeremy shouts to me over the roaring waves.

"What?! No I can't! It's too hard." I whine, as I watch him swim towards me on his surfboard.

We've been out here at the beach for the last three hours surfing, or in my case ‘attempting to surf'. I'm exhausted, hungry, thirsty and partly dizzy from wiping out so much. When Jeremy said he would have me like a pro, I had faith that he could teach me, ‘someone with no coordination', how to balance a board on a wave. But, alas I was wrong. And I have the whip lash to prove it.

I've been sitting out here in the ocean on my board for the last half hour. I'm literally stuck in this large body of salty water. I've ditched every passing wave and I'm too afraid of swimming in, in case a wave shows up while I'm almost to shore. I'm certain I'll get picked up and tossed like a piece of nothing, tumbling under the water if I attempt to swim in, because these gigantic waves come in at thirty second intervals.

"Babe, come on, we've gone through this. You're doing great. Pick a wave that's good for you and go for it! I can come with you if you'd like..." Jeremy finally reaches to where I'm located out in the large expanse of water mass.

I zone out for a split second when I take in his half-naked, wet toned form, glistening under the rays of sunlight, relishing in how his muscles contract and relax. However, all that is forgotten when another wave diligently slides underneath us. I watch as it quickly gains speed and height while other surfers jump up on their boards, riding the wave like it's the easiest thing to do on the planet. Shaking my head sadly, I divert my attention to Jeremy who still seems to be talking to me about something or the other. There I go spacing out again. It's really a bad habit.

"Listen Jer, no offence, but, aren't surfers supposed to spend majority of the time on the surfboard as oppose to under water like me?" I snap. That came out sharper than I expected, but I'm frustrated here and I just want some solid, dry land under my feet.

Chuckling, he bows his head in thought before he locks eyes with me. "Ok Z, let's go in. You're obviously tired and you have a mental block that you're not going to improve so what's the point?" He growls.

Wow is he patronizing me? Oh hell no. He's never spoken to me like that before. I don't even get a chance to answer, because he's turned his back to me and is already paddling back to shore. Just great. He's angry with me? Why? It's not like I'm not trying here. God, if he gets mad for that, how would he react if I told him I kissed Justin, not once but numerous times? Ok Jahzara, don't even think about that, because you're not going to do it again and Jeremy doesn't need to know. Oh who am I kidding? I can't get Justin out of my mind to save my life. It's so annoying, but I kind of enjoy having him consume my thoughts. Mostly because he's usually naked in my conjured up fantasies. Yeah...

A smug smile crosses my features, as I suck up my fear and lie flat on my board, swimming towards shore behind Jeremy.

Like I said earlier about swimming in, I almost got flipped over by a monstrous wave but I made it onto the sand just in the nick of time.

Shaking off the excess water on my body, I carry my board to the surf rental shack on the beach where I find Jeremy chatting up the sales girl. Ok, he's acting really weird today. Walking up to the front counter, I don't say anything, except place the board on the table next to them. Jeremy eyes me briefly, before he grabs the items he bought, handing the girl her money. Smirking at him, I walk out of the shack and towards our spot on the beach, grabbing my sunglasses, towel, shoes and beach bag. Flinching at the intensity of the sun's illumination, I place the sunglasses unto my face blocking out the stinging rays for the most part.

When I finally make it to the parking area where his car is located, I feel a harsh tug on my upper arm. Flipping around, I place my shades on the top of my head, as I glare at Jeremy expectantly.

"Z what the hell is your problem?" He snaps.

Frowning, I shrug "My problem? You're just snapping at me. What's your problem Jeremy?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

"I don't have a problem Jahzara. But you're being very stubborn and uncooperative." He explains, rubbing at his damp chest. Damn, I can't stay mad at him. Every time I'm reminded of how fine he is. It should be illegal to look this scrumptious all the time. Is there such a thing as beauty reduction surgery? Ah, I'm straying...

"Just because you can't teach me how to surf..."

"Wow there. Hold on. I've been teaching you for three fucking hours. You're the one who's not making an effort."

"Well excuse me for being just a little bit scared of getting severely injured. I don't exactly know what I'm doing Jer. Surfing isn't easy you know. I can survive without ever learning how ok? You're a great teacher and all but maybe I'm just...‘unteachable'." I supply.

"That's not even a word." He retorts, gripping my arm and pulling me towards the car. Looking down at the hold he has on me, I can actually feel his nails digging into my flesh.

"Well it's my word."

"That's ridiculous." He hisses.

"So you're saying I'm ridiculous now?" I sneer. We've totally lost track of this argument.

"No, just, inventing a word that doesn't exist...it's ridiculous."

"Well excuse me if the English language is limited Jeremy Rowland."

Stopping at his ride, he shuts off the alarm and unlocks the doors before he turns to stare at me, releasing his grip on my arm. "Don't use that tone with me Zara. I've been trying for hours. You're just too dense to let anything I've been teaching you sink in." He explains, his eyes flashing with fury. Should I be scared of him? He doesn't intimidate me, no matter how tall or strong he may be.

"What!? I'm not dense Jeremy!" I yell through frustration.

Rolling his eyes at me, he walks over to the driver's side, swinging the door open before he hops in. "Just drop it. Let's just go ok? I've got shit to do."

Huffing, I ignore him and hop into the ride keeping my gaze out the window when he pulls out of the parking spot, heading for Justin's to drop me off.

So, we've been together for about a month and that was our first fight. And over something so stupid. I'm not even certain why he's so angry with me. He was a gem the entire time. All of a sudden, he now chooses to bitch about his teaching efforts going in vain? I guess I shouldn't hold it against him. I mean, I'm not exactly the best person right now. I'm sort of lying to him, well not lying. I'm withholding information that could kill the relationship we have before it even kicks off in full swing. But, I genuinely like him. And I don't want to lose out on something great. Justin or no Justin, I'm not breaking up with Jeremy just because my boss is ‘fond' of me. I'm betting it's a shallow fondness that doesn't go beyond getting in my panties. He's such a male controlled by his hormones.

We've driven in silence the entire way home. Jeremy kept stealing glances at me, but I never acknowledged them. I just want to get in and hang out for the rest of the day. Next week is my last week training with Johnny, and then Yolanda has a photo shoot and club show on Friday; so, I need to prepare her schedule for that. Today actually makes it a month since I've been out here with Justin. It's been a crazy month and then there's one more to go before I return home to Florida and my brother who I miss dearly. I also can't wait for the VMA's at the end of August. I just know Yolanda is going to be sensational. We're all meeting up with Tim, Pharell, Will.I.Am and Marty at the studio on Friday before her photo shoot and show.

Heading up Justin's driveway, I stare directly in front of me when Justin's hummer comes into view. I notice Trace is outside as well as Mike. I wonder what they're doing. Jeremy's BMW comes to a halt behind the large black vehicle and it's then I notice Justin walking towards us with....Mallory!? What the fuck is going on? Oh hell fucking no!

Sitting quietly, I keep my face void of any emotions compared to Justin's own. He has a scowl on his face and by the lines on his forehead, I can tell that he's beyond agitated with her presence. What the hell is she even doing here?

"Hey guys! How was the beach and surfing?" Justin forces a smile unto his adorable face as he props his elbows unto the door, leaning over the window to get a good look at Jeremy and I.

"It was good. Could have been better." Jeremy replies, never once looking at me.

Nodding his head, Justin turns to me awaiting an answer. I'm too far gone right now, staring at Mallory who's talking to Trace animatedly, just a few feet away from us.

"Berry how was your lesson? You a pro now?" Justin chortles, nudging me in the shoulder.

"Berry?" Jeremy inquires raising a brow in our direction.

"It was good Justin." I supply, before answering Jeremy's line of questioning. "And berry is just an innocent nickname. We got into this....thing and he was bugging me and he just happened to come up with it to get on my nerves." I lie and Jeremy nods his head in response. Justin smirks at me, because he knows I'm lying, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he takes that opportunity as his cue to leave.

Sighing, I tighten my beach wrap around my body as I open the door to exit. "I'm just going to go. I know you have ‘shit to do'. Bye Jer." I lament, hating that we're on bad terms.

Holding my hand softly this time, Jeremy rotates my head to look at him. "Zara, I'm sorry." He exhales. "I'm just a little stressed out and tired. Plus you were being so difficult. But I'm sorry. It's my fault. I was out of line. Please babe, I don't want us to fight." He coos.

Awww, he's apologizing; how sweet. Well, I guess that's good enough for me. "It's ok Jer. I'm not mad. I'm tired too. I just need some rest." I suggest and he nods in response again.

"Ok baby, you do that. And, don't let Justin piss you off too much. He can be really arrogant and a self-centered jerk sometimes."

Don't I know it. "Ok, bye Jer-bear" I coo, leaning forward to give him a heated kiss.

"MMmm...bye. I'll call you for us to hook up tomorrow or some time." He pulls away from me licking at his lips as I shake my head in agreement.

Damn, that was hot. And I didn't even think of Justin this time. I'm making progress...small, but progress! But, I seriously need to get laid and soon. Hey, women have needs to you know. It's not all ‘male centric'.

"Bye!" I wave, as I exit the ride and watch him speed off.

Smiling with content that Jeremy and I are nice again, I turn around nearly smacking into Trace.

"Ever heard of personal space Tracey-poo?" I giggle when he scowls at me. He really hates that nickname.

"I'm just going to ignore that to ask you something important." He beams excitedly.

"Ok shoot."

"Go get dressed, we're going miniature golfing." He shrieks with excitement.

"I thought you said ask, not demand that I go."

"Just go shower and get dressed. You smell fresh."

Staring at him in shock, I slap his arm roughly "Hey! I was at the beach thank you very much." I defend, but smile nonetheless.

"Exactly; you need to get the fishy sea water aroma you have going on off the body."

"You're so bad Trace. But I love ya." I giggle. I can't be angry at him. He's right. I feel hot and sticky and the salt has dried on my body leaving white streaks.

"Ok, well Mike and I are ready. We were actually waiting on you to find out if you had any plans with the BF. Justin just came from picking up Mallory at the airport, so she's out here waiting and J went in to grab whatever. So you got fifteen minutes to get decent and get back out here." He demands.

"Wait, we're going in the sun?"

"Oh it's not in the sun. You'll be fine. There's a ton of shade at the grounds."

"Ok, in that case, be right back." I pat his shoulder lightly and sprint into the house, dashing up the stairs. It's going to take a miracle and some serious shortcuts to be ready in fifteen minutes. That's like the time for showering alone. I don't know how guys do it I tell ya.

Jogging down the hallway, I stop dead in my tracks when I pass Justin's door. It's cracked open, and I could swear he's singing something familiar. My curiosity is killing me right now. Placing my hands on the door, I pray that he's decent as I ease the barrier open.

He finally comes into view as I stand in the doorway watching him skip and jump around his room, while buttoning a plain blue shirt as he belts his heart out singing ‘Billie Jean' by Michael Jackson. Oh this is priceless. Smiling widely, I remain quiet, watching as he twists and turns, doing foot shimmies, with his eyes closed. He's such another Michael clone right now...

"She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene. Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one. Who will dance on the floor in the round." He keeps singing his heart out and I begin to bob my head, imagining the beat of the song in my mind.

" People always told me be careful of what you do. And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts... And mother always told me be careful of who you love. And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth...hey, hey..."

Deciding to join in, I cut him off as I sing the chorus, watching as he jumps from fright, clutching his chest in shock and losing his balance, nearly crashing forward. "Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son." I sing, swaying my hips with a large smile on my face as Justin is just standing there, dumbfounded and in awe...watching me.

His shock quickly wears off as he approaches me with a sinister smile on his face. "You sneaky little devil. You scared me shitless." He grins, pulling me into a hug. "That was sexy though with the little hip thrusting you did."

"Leave it to you to bring sex into this." I muse.

"It's what I'm good at." He winks. "So are you coming miniature golfing with us?" He asks hopefully. Wow, he's really eager for me to go.

"Need someone to rescue you from Mallory?" I joke, and his demeanor instantly changes.

"I can handle her don't worry." He trails off, grabbing his sunglasses off a nearby table before he diverts his attention to me again.

"What is she doing here Justin?" I ask, since he's not supplying any information.

"Hell if I know. I just got a call from her telling me that she was in the airport and wanted me to pick her up. I thought she was joking you know, until I heard the voice in the background over the airport's intercom system. I nearly had a hernia." He admits, becoming visibly uncomfortable. Well, it's his fault he's been messing with her. Now she thinks she has ranks.

"Oh. Well that's cool." I don't like Mallory and she hates me. I know she's going to make my life a living hell if given a chance.

"Look don't worry about it. She's only here for two weeks. She said she wanted to surprise me or whatever because she misses me and all that drama. I think she's more here for Jessica. But she's in bad luck because she won't meet her. Jessica is out for a week doing promotional stuff for her movie and it will be a cold day in hell, if I ever let those two near each other." He explains, shrugging in thought.

Eyeing him intently I don't bother to respond. I know he's not done explaining stuff to me.

"I mean, neither of them are my girlfriends. That's fucked up man. They have no right to act all possessive and bitchy."

"Well maybe they wouldn't if you weren't fucking them, and giving your dick a breather." I tease causing him to groan.

"Please spare me the obvious berry. The sex isn't even that great. Mallory is way too noisy with her incessant moaning and she scratches the shit out of me. I think she needs coaching on how to moan or something because that shit is a turn off and annoying as hell. And Jessica screams and grabs too much. She's like all clingy. I can barely thrust with her legs latched around my waist like a vice, cutting off my oxygen supply... " He rambles on, pausing when he realizes what he just divulged. Oh my god...I think he just...yes he is! He's blushing! Aww...how cute.

"Oh my god." I place my hands over my mouth, trying to control the eruption of laugher that's stuck in my throat. I think he's just upset and was thinking out loud. But that shit is hilarious. "You're blushing!" I point out, causing him to redden even more.

"Fuck. Uh, just pretend like I didn't say anything." He chokes out and I nod too amused to even speak. Besides, I think if I do, the laughing fits will just tumble out.

Giving me an embarrassing smile, he begins pushing me out of his room. "I know you want to laugh. Just let it out. But go ahead and get ready so we can leave ok?"

Still nodding in silence, I begin to snicker as I'm out in the hallway.

Rolling his eyes at me, he just grins sheepishly, before leaning forward and placing a quick light kiss on my lips. Well, that definitely sobered me up. I hope he doesn't turn this into a habit. But Damn it, why did he have to pull away so fast?

"Justin, these ‘friendly kisses' need to stop..."

"Don't say anything; just go berry." He shoves me in the direction of my room, dismissing my statement. "I already know we'll be here waiting for you for the next hour." He muses.

Frowning at how comfortable he seems to be getting with me now, I shrug. I guess he kissed me to shut me up. Not that I was talking but...

"Whatever Ju." I brush him off, and yelp, jumping forward when he smacks my ass roughly.

"Damn, I've wanted to smack that ass for some time now. It was well worth the wait." He let's out in a deep, throaty, masculine growl. Oh damn, do it again. I loved that noise. Talk about goose bumps. The man is just too ‘perfect'.

"I'm not even going to fight you on that one. Payback is a bitter, pmsing bitch. Beware my friend." I warn, now partially inside my room with my head sticking out to glare at him.

"Bring it berry. I'm not afraid of you." He challenges me.

"Psshhh...you should be. I'll see you guys in a sec ok?" I quickly end the conversation because I can see the craving of a competition, twinkling in his blues. Hearing him still chuckling, I shut the door behind me to get ready for the afternoon slash evening events. Discarding my clothes and swimsuit, I head into the shower, finally bursting into a laughing frenzy when I replay what Justin said to me about his ‘sex life' by accident.

****

Hours Later...later that night....

I've been trying to figure out how I could have let my sexual life slip out like that in front of berry...I mean Zara. I'm a little shocked at how comfortable I've become around her. We're nothing like we were over a month ago. It's been almost two months since that ‘dancing incident' at Tim's club. I think we've come a long way. But shit...how could I have said that to her? I don't really mind. I mean, Zara is no stranger. She's quite aware of my annoyance with the opposite sex right now. Women are truly a force to be reckoned with. But I'm not even interested in any of that.

All I can think about is how I witnessed Zara and Jeremy kissing when they got back from the beach today and how insanely jealous I became. I don't have any claims to her. So we kiss occasionally. It's harmless. I don't know what the fuck is going on between us really, but neither of us is willing to talk about it. How did I even end up in this fucked up situation? The point is I hate the idea of Jeremy kissing and feeling up on her. He is so wrong for her. Why won't Zara see that? I don't care if it's only been a month or even a year into their relationship. He's wrong...that's all I know. But I have no say in this.

Maybe I should stop being so ‘friendly' with Zara. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my hands off her and I can't have anyone finding out I'm fraternizing with my employee. It could ruin my reputation and it's extremely unethical. I don't care about Mallory anymore because I'll be firing her when I return to Florida from that stunt she just pulled. Where does she come off just hopping on a fucking plane to come see me? She's not my fucking girlfriend. I think she's forgetting that slight piece of detail. She doesn't need to know that now though. I have enough shit to deal with right now. I have Yolanda, Zara and my business to deal with. I can't be bothered by a nagging bitch.

Plus, Jessica is going to flip out if she finds out Mallory is here. She sort of knows I've been messing with her. She also knows that she can't give me too much mouth about it else I'll drop her like a bad habit if I have to.

Damn, dysfunctional relationships are tiring.

We've been out the entire day at the miniature golf course. Of course, I whooped everyone's butts. I'm a golf king. Tiger Woods better look out....ok not really, but I'd like to think I can give him some good competition. Zara actually came in a close second, and then Trace. Mallory can't golf to save her life. Trace and I had fun laughing at her when she wasn't looking. She was too focused on Zara to notice anyway. But Zara was very grownup about everything. She made sure to keep her interactions with Mallory short and sweet. It actually made me swell with pride. I was thinking ‘that's my girl'. Mallory is too immature. She's just a pretty manikin who's not totally dumb since she works for me.

But that's the basic run down of our day. Nothing too eventful happened. We did come across a few fans that got some autographs and photos from me and Trace. They also asked about Yolanda and complimented me on signing such a ‘talented artist'. I told them it was only the beginning of what we have in store with her. Her single is really doing well. It's burning up the charts. It's number two now. I'm just waiting for that call when it hits number one. I'm hoping that happens next week.

"Justy what do you want to order? Trace says pizza but I say Chinese." Mallory's high pitched voice interrupts me from my thoughts as I turn to glare at where she's sitting next to me, on the couch in my living room.

Thinking for a moment, I glance around to look for Zara. She's no where in sight. My eyes dart over to Trace, Mike, Lonnie and Yolanda who just walked into the room.

"Oh we're ordering?" Yolanda asks, flopping down next to Trace and Lonnie.

"Yes, but you're on a ‘diet' so you can't have any." I reply smartly.

"Please Justin. I can eat what I want."

"No you can't. Jeremy has you on a strict diet." I enforce. Why is she so stubborn?

"Maybe you didn't hear me. I said I can eat what the hell I want! What Jeremy doesn't know won't hurt him. You won't rat me out will you J?" She bats her eyelashes at me and I chortle at her pathetic attempt to sway my decision.

"Yolanda, whatever we order, you'll get a small portion ok?" I really don't want to argue with her. She can be quite the prima donna.

"Ok deal." She beams, diverting her attention to Trace and Mike who are deep in conversation, instantly joining in.

Exaggeratingly rolling my eyes at how easy that was, I look at Mallory who is still staring at me.

"What?" I ask. Do I have something on my face? Why is she gawking at me?

"You just ignored me when Yolanda walked into the room. I asked you a question Justin." Mallory snaps.

Fuck! I swear the woman would get jealous if I paid a female dog more attention than her.

"Jesus Lory. I want pizza ok?" I quickly reply.

"Score!" Trace interjects out of no where. That nosy prick. He was eavesdropping on our conversation. "I'll go tell Zara." He stands to leave but I stop him. I need to get away from Mallory before I strangle her.

"No I got it. I'll tell her. You guys just order the food Alright? We can just hang out and do whatever when it gets here."

"Ok dude." Trace replies, sitting back down as I jump up from my seat.

"Next time we're ordering Chinese." Mallory huffs, before grabbing a remote to switch on the television. I really think that woman is out of her mind.

Quickly walking away from her, I head up the stairs and down the hallway to knock on Zara's door.

"Ouuuu Saaaaaa" I breathe out heavily while rubbing my temples. All these women I have to deal with are killing me softly. "Ouuuuu Saaaaaa...." I stress, hearing a familiar giggle. Snapping my head up I grin widely.

"You watch too much ‘Bad Boys'" Zara smirks at me, looking exceptionally cute in her little grey cotton dress.

"Yeah well, I need a vacation." I state seriously. I'm going to set up a meeting with Trace since he's my PA and Johnny about that. I'm seriously going to take one, before I drop dead from over exhaustion or develop a chronic case of ‘raging gynophobia' which is the fear of women. They'll be the death of me.

"I agree you could use one. When was your last vacation?"

"Too long ago." I reply dejectedly.

"So, what's going on Ju?"

"Oh, I came to tell you we're ordering pizza. I'm guessing Trace will order pepperoni and cheese like we did last time. You can come down and chill out with us." I suggest, fiddling with the string of my grey slacks.

"Ok cool. I'm down. We could have a movie night."

My eyes grow wide from her suggestion. "Do I get to choose the movie this time?" I enquire.

Giggling, she shakes her head ‘yes'. Thank god. I couldn't endure that ‘chick flick' torture a second time around.

"You're so full..."

"...of shit? Yes I know." I complete her sentence for her watching as she laughs loudly.

"You're truly something else Justin Timberlake."

"That I am. And a great catch too. I'm talking about a fucking top prized highly anticipated ‘catch'."

"Are you referring to fishing?" She gives me a comical look and I just shrug.

"Whatever." I chuckle. "I'm going to head back down..."

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on between us?" She inquires suddenly, out of no goddamn where. Oh no, I was hoping to avoid this.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." I lie, causing her to scowl. Shit, why do I find everything she does and all her expressions and moods to be insanely cute? I've lost my fucking mind over this woman.

"Justinnnnn...." She whines. Ok, I take that statement back about everything she does is cute. Her whining is annoying as fuck. I feel like I want to rip my fucking ears out!

"Shit, stop that Zara. Your whining is worse than your nail habit." I snap, instantly irritated.

Crinkling her nose at me, she sticks out her tongue childishly. "Then answer my question." She suggests.

"No." I feel like being difficult.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes ‘pretty Ricky'." She giggles and I just stare at her. I don't get it. Is she calling me a pretty boy?

"No curly sue."

"Yes! Justinnnnnnn......"

"Oh my fucking god Zara! I don't even remember what you asked now!" I chuckle.

"Yes you do. You're just being stubborn. Come on Justin. We need to talk about this. What's happening between us?"

"Can't I get a fucking break? You want to talk about this now?" I ask incredulously and she nods timidly. "Shit man! Now is not a good time."

"Then when?"

"I don't know." I retort, getting ready to tune her out.

"Justinnnnnnnn......."

"I swear if you do that one more time! You sound like someone scraping their nails on a fucking chalkboard." I'm seriously grimacing and shivering by the sound of her screeching voice right now.

Smiling evilly, she opens her mouth to do it again but I'm one step ahead. "Just....."

Cutting her off, I crash my lips unto her own, not giving her time to process what's happening as I instantly deepen the kiss.

Stumbling back into her room since I practically lunged at her, she instantly wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her. Wow, I would have thought for sure she'd protest.

Wait, why are we kissing again? Oh yeah, I did it to shut her up...I think? Who gives a fuck? Inhaling her familiar strawberry sent is enough to give any man a severe case of amnesia. Damn, I might just pass out from how good she smells. I think she's fresh out of the shower too, which is definitely a plus.

"Mmmm...." I groan, savoring her chocolate lips...literally. She was eating chocolate. I'm betting it's a Twix.

"J...u...st...in?" She chokes out between kisses.

"Hmmm..." I'm too engrossed with how she's rubbing up on me right now. I can feel every curve of her body through the thin fabric of my pants and t-shirt as we're glued together.

"This is so wrong." She moans, sucking on my bottom lip hungrily. I'm starting to suspect she's into some kinky shit.

"I know..." I mutter, as my hands leave their spot around her waist and slide down to her firm ass, gripping it tightly. Inhaling sharply, I let out a deeply rooted growl. Shit, she feels so good in my arms. This has to be every type of wrong.

"What is this really?" She mumbles against my lips as my hands take on a mind of their own sliding down to her bare thighs just under the hem of her dress.

"I'm sure I don't know..." I drift off, shivering when she passes her fingers over the baseline of the back of my neck. Fuck, she doesn't need to know that's one of my sensitive spots. "...what you're talking about." I finally squeeze out.

"Mmmm...but Jessica...Mallory..."

Oh my god, she's delirious. She's just groping at me wildly while kissing me feverishly. Fuck, junior is definitely waking up. Oh shit, please not now. What am I doing!? You know what, I'm just going to relish in how wrong this is and say fuck it.

"But...Jeremy." I mock her, not wanting to respond to her statement and really wishing she'd shut up.

"Uhhggg...fuck Jer...J....oh god..." She moans, losing her voice when my hands graze just below her abdomen area over her panties. That should shut her up some.

"Shit berry...I want you so bad right now." I grunt, shoving her into a nearby wall, as I break our lip-lock, instantly attacking her neck in a fit of fiery kisses.

"Uh...shit...we should...s-stop." She lifts one of her legs, wrapping it around my waist as I slick out my tongue finally getting to taste her cavity worthy flesh. I almost lose all my senses and let out a high pitched moan at how smooth her skin is. Shit, that would have been embarrassing.

"Yeah..." I mutter. What did she say? I couldn't figure it out between her soft moans. No matter.

She doesn't say anything else as she rubs her hands over my head while I continue to kiss and suck on any available flesh. Using one hand to hold her leg around my waist, I take my other free hand and connect it with her supple breast, kneading and squeezing it through the material of her dress...

"Berry...I'm dying here..." I groan, while pressing my hips into her lower half so she can feel how turned on I am.

Her eyes instantly shoot open and she stares directly at me.

"Justin...maybe we should sto...."

"Justin! Zara! Are you guys in there?" Comes one of the most annoying fucking yells in the universe.

"I'm going to kill him." I say a little too calmly as I stop what I'm doing, dropping Zara's leg and resting our foreheads together as I try to regain my normal breathing patterns.

"Justin! Zar-bear! The pizza is here! Come on down, and I hope you guys aren't getting freaky in there. You'll give Mallory an aneurysm!" Trace snickers still banging on the door loudly.

"I'm definitely going to fucking kill him." I shut my eyes tightly, feeling Zara's chest heaving against mine. She's trying to come down from her high too. "Fuck..." I hiss, when the pain in my groin starts to take effect.

"We should just go." She finally speaks in a weak voice. Looking at her, I fix the strap of her dress on her shoulder before I move away from her.

"Ok! Since no one is answering, I'll just assume you all are ‘sleeping' and not engaging in any 'sexual escapades' that could get you both in trouble! But I suggest you come down before Mallory comes looking. Later." Trace voices, chuckling loudly. Well I wouldn't be surprised if they heard him downstairs but I know they didn't. He's my dawg...he's got my back. I certainly don't fancy going to jail for murdering that ‘bitch' tonight if she gives me any of her shit.

Walking over to the door, I grip the handle tightly before looking down at the apparent bulge in my pants. "Shit..." I snarl, groping my crotch a few times. This is so fucking uncomfortable...and painful.

"Maybe you should stay here so you can cool off before you come down. I'll see you downstairs in a few minutes" She suggests, motioning to my little ‘issue.' Yeah I'm rock hard right now and it's a fucking bitch because it's painful as fuck! It's her fault too. I wish she'd just drop down on her knees and fix it. Ok, that was a fucked up thing to say, but give me a break. I'm a fucking guy.

Smiling sheepishly, I just shrug as she fixes her hair, swinging the door open. Before she can walk out, I grab unto her arm to stop her.

"Berry...I...I'm...so-rry. I think we got too carried away." I'm now thinking clearly again and I've realized that if Trace hadn't come when he did, I would have maybe fucked her if she would have allowed me to. However, I'm not too fond of the regret that would surely follow, so I'm glad we didn't go any further.

She's just standing there glaring at me emotionlessly. I wish I knew what she was thinking this very second.

"Listen, this thing that's suddenly developing between us...well...I...it's..." I trail off not really knowing what I'm trying to say.

"Well, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." She quotes me, winking before stepping into the hallway and shutting the door behind her, leaving me alone in her room completely baffled, shocked and speechless.

"Oh my god, she did not just say that." I voice out loud, as my lips twitch into a large grin due to the amazing, wondrous, beautiful mystery that is Jahzara Gilmore.

****

Quote by: Oscar Wilde, Andre Gide

Song (Justin & Zara sang) : Billie Jean by Michael Jackson

6 days later...

Friday Morning...

W.E.G Building...

Pilfered Hearts

Part 1

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."

I can't do this. I, I can't do this. I'm so messed up right now. I'm so confused. What am I going to do? How, how am I going to solve this little issue? I can't do this! Why?! Why me! Oh my god!

"Zara did you hear me?" Johnny asks, touching my shoulder lightly and snapping me out of my trance.

"Huh?"

Smiling at me kindly he shrugs, stuffing some papers into his briefcase.

"I said you're also going to be Justin's assistant with Yolanda, besides her PA. Which means, when Justin comes out with his new album, which is due some time early next year, Yolanda's album should be done around the same time. It's something we came up with for publicity. That means, they will be going on tour together and you'll have to be there with them of course. It's going to be good publicity. The scheduled date for his tour should kick off June of next year. We're in August now. You'll have plenty of time to prepare and master the PA skills I've taught you. You'll be with Yolanda mastering her schedules and learning how to deal with the world of Personal Assistants. You'll no longer be working only under Tennman, but you'll also be an assistant with Jive as well." He explains, and I zone out again.

I...can't...do...this! Oh my god, why would Johnny drop this kind of bomb on me? And out of the blue like that? What does that mean? I thought I only had to deal with Yolanda. I thought...damn it. I can't be spending practically every waking moment with Justin! I can't be traveling places with him and all that! I can't! He's so unhealthy for me! He drives me crazy! I thought these two months were it, and then I'd return home. I mean, I knew I'd be busy and traveling when Yolanda's career kicks off but I didn't know Justin would be involved this much. I thought he'd have his own things going on too. I must have suffered some type of insanity when I took this job offer from Justin. I'm no longer subjected to my desk job. In fact, when we return to Florida, I'll be packing up my desk and moving up to Justin's floor where I'll have my own office and everything!

Johnny and Justin agreed that they'd spend his time in Florida because that's Yolanda's home. They'll get her album started in the studios down there and Justin can manage that branch of his business there. Then, we'll at some point, be heading to NY for appearances and other public events in regards to Yolanda's career among other states. When her and Justin's albums are done, there's going to be a lot of interviews, promotions and conferences to promote the album before the tour begins. It's a U.S tour. But if their albums do well overseas, well mostly Yolanda's, they're thinking about adding a European leg.

Oh my god! I can't do this! I just can't! I'm handing my life over to the dark side. My life is no longer mine! I'm going to be neck deep in the world of superstars, wild parties, traveling non stop, luxury, glitz and glamour. I seriously can not do this! I think I'm on the verge of passing out, I feel light headed...too much thinking. Too much!

Why? Out of all the artists signed to Tennman, why did Yolanda have to be the one working side by side with Justin like that? Why out of all his other talented artists on his label did she have to be the one to go on tour with him? Why couldn't he have chosen Esmee or someone else? Why her? Why did it have to be her? And I just had to be her PA? I can't do this! I can't fucking do this! I'll be dead and buried before I can get through my first year with this Job. I'm not PA material. God, what was I thinking?

"Zara, you seem really out of it today. But, the good news is, today was our last day of training and I think you're ready to take on your new found career. I have a meeting to head to. So, I guess we're done. Wish Yolanda luck for me at her club show tonight. I'll see you all again for the VMA's in three weeks." Johnny stands from the table in the board room of W.E.G where we've been for the last two and a half hours, closing his briefcase and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

Glaring at him I nod my head, my mind still riling with abstract thoughts.

"I'm sorry Mr. Wright. I'm just a little bit tired. I didn't sleep much last night." I admit. Well it's true. I had a rather long, disturbing night that I wish to forget. I barely got any sleep because of it.

Flashback....

"Justin Ah!!....OHHHH!!!!!"

"What the fuck was that?" I jump up from sleep in shock clutching my chest and breathing heavily. "Oh my god...what's going on?" I think out loud, gazing around the dark room. Moving the covers off my body, I begin getting off the bed, when I hear another loud noise.

"You like that huh?" I hear Justin let out in a rather loud grunt.

When a contiguous banging on the wall begins suddenly, I feel all the color in my face drain as realization slowly and painfully hits me.

"Oh.my.god." I belt, as my hands fly over my mouth in shock.

"Uh!!! Oh!!!! Faster Justy! Harder!" I hear Mallory moan loudly.

"Oh my fucking god." I whisper, as I lay back down on the bed, putting the pillows over my ears to drown out the noise. "They're fucking! Oh my god they're having sex and I can hear everything!" I whine, hastily grabbing the comforter and pulling it over my head. "This is so fucking disturbing." I grumble, feeling a large pang of jealously, envy, hatred and pain overpower me.

"Tell me how you like it Lory!" Justin growls as the headboard of their bed keeps banging loudly on the wall separating Justin's room from mine.

"Oh no." I moan with displeasure. I did not sign up to have a front seat in an audio sound preview of Justin's sexual acts.

"OOOOOhhhhhhhh Justy!" I hear Mallory cry out.

I know this shouldn't be funny, but I can't help the snicker that leaves my lips. It's hilarious. Justin was right. Her moaning is ‘annoying as hell' and I quote these words from him exactly. She does need some coaching or other. But my amusement doesn't last long when I hear him let out a moan of his own. He's enjoying this...and for some reason, that little fact burns me to the core. ‘Berry I want you so bad...he says. Berry I'm dying here...he says. Berry I'm sorry...he says.'

What was I thinking? I knew it was too good to be true. I knew Justin would never be interested in a girl of my ‘type'. I'm just not his preference. He really is a jerk. How could he be doing this knowing damn well I'm right next door and can hear everything? God, I hate him. I seriously hate him right now and I don't even know why. There's nothing between us. We haven't done anything remotely close to intimacy since the night we almost had ‘sex'. Have I told you how much I love Trace for interrupting us when he did? Sure, Justin and I have been walking around pretending like nothing happened and it's all gravy. But this game can't go on for much longer. Jeremy thinks we hate each other. And we do...we did. No, we do. At least I hate Justin right now.

Sighing heavily, I try to force myself back to sleep so I won't have to listen to this shit. But at the rate they're going, I know this is going to be a long sleepless night...

End Flashback...

It was a prolonged night. The disruption that prevented me from my peaceful slumber finally ended some time around four in the morning and I had to be up by 6.30. Those inconsiderate pigs...

"Jahzara..."

I wearily glance up to see Johnny with all his items in hand getting ready to leave. He has a worried look on his face and before I can answer, he takes a seat next to me, eyeing me with a curious glare.

"I know all of this is overwhelming for you to grasp. But I assure you it's a very satisfying, well paying job. Justin did mention to me that you and your brother only had each other and the finances would be good for you. It was my idea to choose you because of how well you've dealt with me in the past. Justin was racking his brain on getting a PA for Yolanda and when he asked for my advice, I told him he had a great receptionist and secretary who I'm sure would transition smoothly. But, the getting you involved with him and Jive as well was his idea. He figured you could use the exposure and added pay along with the professional skills if you ever land another job in that field one day. Also, he said something about you being able to finish psychology school...." Johnny informs but I cut him off.

"What?!" I cry out in utter astonishment. Justin is behind this? He's the reason I've been cursed with this extra job description? Why? Why does he even care about me finishing school? Ok, so when we spent some time together we talked, and I told him about going to school and having to quit to make ends meat with my bro. That doesn't give him the right to push his nose where it doesn't belong. I'm not some charity case. I don't need the extra favors.

"It's ok girl. Calm down. I know you're scared that you'll fail but the greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure. Just believe that you can do it and take it head on ok? I'm there for you if you ever need a push in the right direction or guidance. Don't hesitate to call me." Johnny smiles warmly, and I momentarily forget about my anger towards Justin.

"Ok Mr. Wright. I'll do that. And thank you again." I stand with him giving him a handshake and he nods knowingly.

"You'll do fine. Now, I should be leaving. I know you have to head down to the studio to meet up with the guys then it's off to Yolanda's photo shoot session. Have a good day. And I'll see you all soon." Johnny quickly tells me bye and exits the board room leaving me alone to my thoughts.

"What am I going to do? I need to call Malcolm about these new turn of events. He always knows what to do." I voice to myself, grabbing my cell phone from my side bag and dialing his number.

After four rings he picks up letting out a light yawn into the phone. "Zary! Hey!" He speaks contently.

Hearing the sound of my brother's voice for some reason calms my nerves. I've missed him dearly over the past month. This is the first time we've been apart this long since aunt Patrice left for the Caribbean years ago.

"Hey Malky." I state weakly. I'm drained and my emotions are running haywire. I'm really unstable right now.

"How's the new life going?" he jokes and I shrug even though he can't see me.

"It...well...it's going alright." I reply bitterly.

"Oh no. I know that tone. Did something happen with Justin or Jeremy?" He asks knowingly. My brother knows his sister like the back of his hand. Breathing deeply, I dig into my bag again, pulling out a small bottle of pills. Reading over the instructions I groan inwardly. I haven't eaten for the morning and it says to take one pill after meals, twice a day. But screw that. I'm in no mood for formalities. Twisting the cap off, I pour out two pills and toss them to the back of my throat swallowing roughly before I twist open a bottle of spring water and take a few large chugs, clearing the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

"Z? Zary are you there? Hello?" Comes Malcolm's deep voice filtering through the line.

"Yeah I'm here. Sorry." I lament. Placing my hands over my face momentarily, I inhale sharply getting ready to tell Malcolm the story of what Johnny just told me. I can't let Malcolm know what's going on with Justin and me. He'd go berserk. But he needs to know the drastic change that's soon going to take place affecting both our lives; be it a negative or positive effect. "Well, I guess I should start off by telling you that I'm really getting into this whole PA vibes and things are certainly going to be different from now on..."

****

Hours later....Early afternoon...At the studio...

"I'm telling you Justin. She is going to go far!" Tim states while fiddling with a few dials on the soundboard.

Nodding with him in agreement, I push back in my seat, getting more comfortable. Yolanda's the shit and she knows it. That's why she can waltz around here with her conceited, spoilt, bitchy attitude. The good thing is her and berry are getting along well, so that's a plus.

We've been in the studio for nearly five hours now but we'll soon be wrapping up so Yolanda can head down to some photo shoot. I'm not going to that. I'm going to hang around with the guys and I'll catch up at her show later tonight at the club. Zara is supposed to go with her, but I haven't seen her whole day. Well except for this morning but she kept giving me the cold shoulder. Whatever that was about. I know she was at W.E.G this morning, but her training was over hours ago. She had strict instructions to get here right after. She's Yolanda's PA. She needs to know what's going on with her client.

Speaking of...Yolanda's single hit number one about two days ago on the charts. Because of that, she's been scheduled for a few radio interviews down here. Everyone is excited to see her VMA performance too. Marty has been working her round the clock which is why we never really see her, except when we're all home at night or something. But I'm proud of her. I feel like a proud parent.

The only thing that won't stop plaguing my thoughts is Jeremy. Especially with what happened between berry and I a few days ago. Yeah I know. Justin is an asshole because how can I be angry with Zara's choice of boyfriend when I have two non-girlfriends of my own? But Jesus, she cheated on him! With me! If that's not twisted and wrong I don't know what is. She can't be that into him if she goes around kissing on me like it's nothing.

I don't see how Jessica really counts as a non-girlfriend either. We've only been messing around since I've been here for about a month, all because we met on the night I went driving aimlessly and stumbled into that Starbucks after I realized how low my self-control was around Zara. That and fucking Jeremy was supposedly taking her ‘out'. It was the day after we got to LA. It was the beginning of this fucked up thing berry and I have going. Or, maybe this all began when we shared that dance some months ago at Tim's club.

Maybe I was just in denial. Either way, Jessica doesn't count. Mallory is who I need to be worried about. Right now, she's out - god knows where - with Trace on some shopping spree with my fucking credit card. I know what you're thinking. I've lost my fucking mind. I honestly think I have. No matter how much the woman annoys the hell out of me, something about her still makes me weak and breakdown. I still want to fire her though. I've mentioned about Mallory being that one employee that's my weakness even though I'm still her boss.

Now, I've come to a painful realization that Zara is slowly but surely, worming her way into that category as well. She's becoming my weakness. How am I supposed to deal with that too? I know I've gotten her this extra job to work with me through Johnny but I'm not sure I can handle being around her so much. I just might go crazy in all sense of the word.

"Ok Yolanda. So, I just want you to hold that last note for two beats longer, cutting off right where the track changes pattern before the bridge. Then we're going to run through the harmonies and we're done for the day ok?" Pharrel's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I turn to look at him and Tim, hard at work doing what they love. Will is standing next to them with his arms folded as he bobs his head to the infectious beat while they all stare at Yolanda in the recording booth.

I love that we can all come together like this. I've really developed a tight bond with these men and despite what critics may say about them being the reason behind my solo success, I just say fuck it. I've worked hard to be where I am today and although they get super credit for co-producing and engineering my albums, I've still done my part. Besides, we're more like family than anything else, so fuck the critics.

"How do you find that J? It's tight right?" Pharrel nudges me with a smile as he removes the studio headphones from his ears.

"Yeah man. She sounds hot. We don't have to redo many vocals either. She nails it almost perfectly most times on her first try." I beam and they shake their heads in agreement.

"I feel you J. But you seem kind of spaced." Tim voices.

"He's right. You're not fully yourself. Usually, you'd be all up on the soundboard fiddling with it and experimenting with new sounds, but you've just been sitting here laid back and letting us do all the dirty work." Pharrel jokes but I just raise my shoulders without responding.

"A girl got you frazzled JT?" Will (Will.I.Am) asks with a matter-of-fact grin.

"Na dawg. It's nothing like that. I'm just tired. Been up whole night." A large smile graces my features when I remember that I got laid last night.

"Ahh...with that smug smile you have, enough said." Tim grins brightly at me and I know everyone is thinking the same thing I am.

I sort of needed an outlet for my frustration with Zara. I mean, she went out again with ‘gym boy' last night. Heaven only knows what time she got back home. But I'm not mad at her. She's doing her thing and clearly, what ever that's going on between us is not going to stop her from seeing Jeremy. It's not that serious. So, I don't know why I keep wishing that it would be serious enough for her to break up with him. It's not like I want a relationship with the woman. Even though I'm obviously attracted to her she still isn't my type. And, sadly enough, with this lifestyle I'm living and her new found job, we could never be together in such a relationship. The public would dissect her and swallow her whole. She'd never be able to live through being my girlfriend. But you know what? I don't know why I'm analyzing this because it's preposterous and clearly not happening in this lifetime.

"Sorry I'm so late guys..."

I turn my head to see berry walking into the room, sunglasses on, her curly hair down, and a long black and white pant suit on. This pant suit however is different. It's not baggy like those she used to wear at work. This one is very fitted showing off her figure and all her dangerous curves. Dare I say she looks beautiful? Because I'm certainly not going to voice it to her with the way she treated me this morning. She doesn't deserve that privilege.

"Took you long enough." I snap in a monotone voice.

Rolling her eyes at me, she doesn't get a chance to respond before Tim interjects. "Look at you girl. It's nice to see you again. How have you been?"

I watch as he stands form his previous position and walks over to berry...I mean...Zara, giving her a tight hug. Well shit, you'd think they knew each other for years but, they've only met once or twice since we've been here.

"Hi Tim. It's good to see you too. And I've been good." Zara smiles, before she shoots me a nasty glare. Ok, I always seem to be missing out on something. What the fuck is her problem now?

"You look lovely Jahzara. New outfit?" Tim inquires giving her a once over. Just fantastic. Whose friend is he? Hers or mine? Can't he see we're not getting along right now? A death and blind person would know that. It's clearly obvious.

"Thanks Tim." She blushes. Oh don't make me sick. I just ate. "It's actually a gift from the boyfriend." She instantly lowers her tone but I most definitely caught that statement. The boyfriend eh. So Jeremy is buying shit for her now? How long have they been together? Five minutes? And he's pampering her already? He must be an idiot. I always knew he was.

"Well it compliments you girl. I guess he knows what he's doing." Tim states adding fuel to the fire. He's so not getting any more birthday gifts.

Grunting lightly under my breath, I divert my attention to Pharrel and Will who are still busy with Yolanda. But, that doesn't mean that I've tuned out the conversation going on a few feet away from me.

"Thanks, but between you and me, I'm a little mad that he went out and spent his hard earned money on a Dolce and Gabbana suit for me." She whispers to Tim and I can feel my blood boiling. I mean I know Jeremy makes some serious dough, but why would he go out and do all that for Zara? Is she even worth it? She's been fucking around on his head. If she could do that to him what else could she do? I'm confused again. What's her motive here? This doesn't seem like the shy, quiet, unconfident woman I know. Is she changing? I'm not sure. She still seems the same, but something is also different about her.

"Oh well, hold on to that guy girl." Tim chuckles heartily. "We're just about to wrap up so you and Yolanda can head down to the photo shoot. Just take a seat and we'll be done shortly." He instructs and she complies choosing to take a seat right next to me of all the available spots in the goddamn room. Does she enjoy fucking with me this much? I think she gets some sick twisted pleasure from taunting me.

"So, how's Yolanda doing?" She asks me and I barely acknowledge her presence, not even caring to give a response.

"Justin? Did you hear me?" She touches my shoulder lightly and I cringe. Finally turning to her, I gaze into those bright hazel orbs with reticence. I don't feel like conversing with her unless she explains the reason behind giving me the cold shoulder.

"Glad to see you're talking to me again." I spit coldly.

"What? I was never ‘not talking' to you." She retorts, leaning back against the chair and away from me.

"Yeah well you could have fooled me considering you barely paid me any mind this morning." I snap, keeping a hushed tone so we don't draw too much attention to ourselves.

"Oh please. Like you cared either way." She flips some of her hair out of her face and bows her head, beginning to fiddle with her nails. As I'm about to comment on her annoying habit for the millionth time, I swallow my words when I notice that her nails are all done up and painted and looking cute and shit. They're usually bare and lacking care. But now, she looks like she would be eligible for some type of hand modeling job or commercial. I know I'm exaggerating, but that's just another tiny detail about her that's changed.

"Listen berry..."

She jerks her head up because I've used my nickname for her. She never had a problem with it before. Ignoring her stare I continue with my statement. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with your sudden mood swings. Is it that time of month? Because I can totally understand. But we were fine with each other up to yesterday and now today you're all bitchy and temperamental with me. Why?" I inquire.

Letting out a dry laugh, she shakes her head in detest. "Justin. I've only seen you for a few minutes this morning. So, really and truly, it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter that you're being a bitch?" I raise my brows at her questionably.

"No, because you're a jerk. So we work well together don't you think?" She says sarcastically.

"Unbelievable." I breathe out. What are we even arguing for? That's what I'm trying to find out but she's not spitting it out.

"Just drop it."

"No. Tell me what's wrong. Did I do something wrong?" I ask noticing how her demeanor beings to crumble so easily. She's looking down in shame with a dejected scowl on her face.

"Just forget it. I'm not angry or anything." Quickly looking up at me, she stands, just as I notice Yolanda exiting the recording booth. I've realized that everyone is oblivious to what's going on between us. We aren't exactly talking for them to hear us and they seem pretty preoccupied.

"Hey Jahzara! I didn't see you come in. We just got done so you and I can head over to the photo shoot shortly. It starts in an hour." Yolanda walks over to Zara giving her a light hug, before she moves back over to Tim and the guys, conversing with them as she puts her belongings together to leave.

Using that as an opportunity, I quickly stand, excusing myself and grabbing Zara's hand, pulling her out into the hallway.

When the door closes behind us, she yanks her arm away from me, but I don't care. I have other things on my mind right now. Like, I can't believe Jeremy bought her a Dolce and Gabbana suit. That one suit is worth thousands of dollars easy. What the hell was he thinking?

"Ok berry talk. I want answers."

"Don't call me that." She defends.

"What? You like it. Since when don't you want me to..."

"Since you lost that privilege to call me anything but Jahzara."

"What?!" Scratching my head in thought, I tug at my black t-shirt. She's beginning to piss me off. "Jesus! Would you just tell me what the fuck is your problem?" I raise my voice at her.

"You Justin! You're my fucking problem. There I said it! Happy now?" She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from me, seething with anger. She has no right. She's the one being the bitch.

"That doesn't exactly explain anything. Care to elaborate?"

Whirling her head in my direction she bites her bottom lip softly, battling with her choice of words. Shit, that's hot. That's definitely hot. She's tempting me to kiss her right now...wait...no...stop! I should just stop thinking. Yeah.

"Well," She shifts on her heels uncomfortably and I can tell she's nervous because the ‘nail habit' is on overdrive. "You really need to learn how to be quiet." Her tone suddenly softens and the sweet, timid Zara I know is back. Thank god. Even though I want her to grow some balls, I can better handle this side of her.

"Be quiet about what?" I enquire.

"You know. Just, less noisy." She slightly whispers and begins to blush.

"What?" I'm not following. "Just spit it out berry...I mean..."

"Look. Justin, the next time you plan on having loud, wild, crazy sex try to be considerate and remember that there are other people who are trying to get sleep ok?" She sneers at me and my mouth instantly gapes open. She...she heard us? Oh shit. Oh wow. That's...that's...

"OH! I...uh...well...I...you see...." I'm stumped. I don't know what to say to her. I'm shocked that she heard. I thought she wasn't home.

"I know you don't give a fuck and you're doing your thing but please. You all kept me up whole night and now I'm really tired because I haven't slept much." She explains meekly.

"Shit berry I'm sorry I...I didn't even know you got back from your date....I...I'm sorry...." I apologize moving towards her but she backs away from me.

"It's cool, just; please try for it to not happen again..." She waves her hands, dismissing the entire conversation. No! Don't do that! I didn't mean for her to hear us. She must have felt really awkward. I know I would have if it was her and Jeremy and I was in her place. And as if I couldn't feel any worse, I remember the terrible argument we had some weeks ago, when I accused them of going to do the same thing I did to her. It landed me with an injured back from the shove she gave me that made me visit an actual professional masseuse at one of the spas down here, in order to heal the aches.

"Shit come on berry. Don't be mad at me. I'm really sorry. I honestly didn't know you were there."

"It's fine. Forget about it."

As soon as that statement leaves her lips, Yolanda exits the studio, walking right between us.

"You ready to go Jahraza? Don't want to be late!" Yolanda speaks excitedly.

Giving me one last pitiful glance, Zara diverts her attention elsewhere. "Yeah let's go." She intertwines her arm with Yolanda's, as they both say bye to me before beginning their journey down the hallway and on to their next destination.

I'm just standing there, watching in awe at their retreating forms. I really feel terrible right now. But I shouldn't. But I do.

"I guess I'll see you later for the show berry!" I call out to Zara who stops and turns to glare at me from down the hall. Even with the distance between us I can see her painful expression. She almost looks hurt. But why? So I kept her up last night. That's no reason to behave in that manner. She's blowing everything out of proportion.

Shaking her head at me sadly, she shrugs, bringing her hands up in the air signaling an ‘I don't know' expression before her last statement leaves me wondering if we've stepped into the twilight zone. "I'll see you later Mr. Timberlake. And it's Jahzara ok? Bye!" she waves.

And I blink. Once, twice...then I sigh.

And I'm just standing. Glaring and Standing...here...dazed and perturbed.

****

Quote by: Bill Watterson

........to be continued.......

Early Friday Evening...

Justin's Home....

Pilfered Hearts

Part 2

"Hatred can be overcome only by love. Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law."

It's been a long day with the guys. I want nothing more than to knock out cold from sleep, but I need to get ready for Yolanda's show later. I can't wait to see her. She's going to do great. I haven't thought about Zara since she left the studio early this afternoon. I only got a call from Yolanda when the shoot was over stating that her and Zara were going out to buy an outfit for them to wear tonight. Well Yolanda has her stylist. They were going shopping for Zara and that irritated me even more. I guess she wants to impress Jeremy. Typical.

I don't know what's wrong with me...or berry for that matter. Where does she get off calling me Mr. Timberlake like we're on some formal basis with each other? We've long crossed those lines and now she wants to backtrack? Ok Justin, so you don't give a fuck. I really don't.

Kicking the front doors to my house open, I hear loud trampling in my direction. A big smile crosses my features when my two dogs Buckley and Brennan come into view.

"Hey guys!" I coo, kneeling down to pet them and rough them up a bit. They're really excited to see me as they're panting heavily and smothering me with licks. "Haha, I missed you all too."

"You're finally here. So I can leave."

Looking up from my dogs I notice Rachel is perched against the wall staring down at us. Standing to face her, I brush off my jeans before I go over and give her a hug.

"Hey Rach. When did you get here?" I enquire.

"About three hours ago, but no one was home. I know you're busy and can't have them around constantly. And I'm all up for dog sitting, but they miss you. Buckley has been lazing around whole day just laying there. He knows you're not around J. You need to spend more time with your dogs." She says matter-of-factly causing me to groan.

"Yeah Rachel I know. Thanks though. I've got to get ready for Yolanda's show later."

"Ok fine. I'm just going to head out. Give me a call ok?" She grabs her side bag, heading straight for the exit.

"Ok later Rach. Night!" I wave to her as she swiftly exits the house, leaving me alone with my dogs.

Looking down at them, I notice they are quiet just glaring at me interestingly.

"Oh great! Not you all too! I thought you were my loyal amigos. Quit looking at me like that with those big eyes!" I laugh, hearing Brennan let out a little whine.

"Ok, are you all hungry? Do you want something to eat? Let's see what we have in the doggy department." I joke, walking into my kitchen with them close behind.

Looking through my tons of dog food, I finally pick out something for them to eat. While preparing their meal my house phone goes off. Grabbing the line in the kitchen, I hit the talk button, slipping the phone between my ears and shoulder blade while I grab my dogs' bowls.

"Talk to me." I answer, engrossed with what I'm doing.

"Justin?"

I instantly tense, stopping all my actions when I hear her smooth voice. She still sends shivers down my spin despite how pissed off I am with her right now.

"What do you want Jahzara? I thought it was Mr. Timberlake again now." I snap.

I can hear her sigh over the phone and I just roll my eyes, finally placing down Buckley and Brennan's bowls so they can eat. Damn, they're greedy. They could at least breathe in between ever so often. Chortling lightly, I wash off my hands in the sink...

"Yeah right listen..." Zara begins as I lean against my marbled island with the phone clutched tightly in my hands. "Yolanda and I will meet you at the show. She's with her stylist now and I've decided to just get prepared here with them. It's easier than coming all the way back to your place. You don't mind do you?"

Yes I fucking mind! You're being a bitch! "No that's fine. Do whatever pleases you." I reply nonchalantly.

"Come on Justin..."

"You mean, Mr. Timberlake?" I query, correcting her.

"Ok, ok. I was kind of stressing it there. But I'm sure you get what I was trying to do. We can't keep doing this. It's wrong and I'm starting to feel really bad about all this."

"You mean your conscience is finally catching up to you about Jeremy? You feel guilty Zara." I state. Now she wants to grow a conscience? After all this? I'm sorry but I feel no remorse what so ever. She was just as into what ever this is...was...as I was.

"Now is not the time for this discussion. I'm just letting you know that you can meet us at the show later with everyone else ok?"

"Yeah that's fine. If you're done; I need to go and get ready." I've got to get off this phone. I can't deal with her right now.

"Just, don't make things a big deal ok? I'll see you and Trace later. Bye." She voices before I hear a click on her end and the line goes dead.

Glaring at the phone, I place it back on the receiver. That woman is getting under my skin but I'll be damned if I let her succeed at whatever game she's playing with me. Why can't she make up her mind on what she wants? Is it that hard to accomplish? All she has to do is sit down and make a choice. I don't mean choose between me and ‘gym boy.' I just mean, she needs to get her shit together if she even wants to keep this job. But she seems to be doing well so far.

Pouring some water into Buckley and Brennan's bowls for them to drink, I hear the front doors swing open and the silent house is soon filled with laugher from Trace and Mallory. Oh great they're finally back. After leaving since morning. It's night time now. She must have maxed out my card. I'll kill her if she did. I have no face right now; I'm angry and I don't even know why exactly.

Leaving my dogs to their business, I rub my hands together, walking out of the kitchen, and cutting across to the living room area where I can hear their voices.

"Welcome back." I smile, my eyes darting over the numerous shopping bags sprawled out on the living room floor and couches. "Shit Lory, did you buy the whole store?"

"Hey Justy!" She jumps from her seat and comes over to me giving me a hug and a kiss. Trace is just sitting there, staring at us.

"Yeah hey. Like I was saying. How much did you spend?" I can feel myself on the brink of exploding. There're Gucci bags, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Dolce and Gabanna, Coach, Nine West, Burberry...ok I'm just going to stop there because I can feel the sudden headache coming on.

Giving me an innocent smile, she shrugs. That's all I get? A fucking shrug? She better start talking. "It's nothing much."

"Nothing much?! Mallory, it looks like you brought home a whole damn store! You could open a boutique with the amount of shit you bought!"

"Why are you yelling at me Justin? You were the one who told me to go out and get something nice for myself." She defends.

"Yes! Something Mallory! As in one or two outfits. Not a whole fucking mall worth of shit!"

"I don't have to deal with your fucked up attitude. What crawled up your ass?" She says snottily. Oh so she wants to give me lip too?

"Just forget it. Just, put all this shit away and go get ready so we can head down to the club for Yolanda's show." I'm not in the mood to fight. I'm drained and tired and my life is getting on my nerves.

"What's wrong Justin? Why are you so on edge baby?" She does a complete 180 on me as she rubs over my upper arms soothingly.

"It's nothing. Just had a long day. Go get ready ok? We'll just meet Zara and Yolanda there."

"Fine. I'm going to shower then." She states, grabbing as much bags as she can before she stops to give me another kiss then heads up the stairs.

Diverting my attention back to Trace, he's still just sitting there quietly while studying me with his eyes. I hate when he does that shit. It's unnerving.

Taking a seat next to him, I exhale loudly, sinking into the couch.

"What's wrong Justin?" He finally asks. "Is it Jahzara?"

"Why would you think my problem is automatically associated with her?" Is he being for real? My life doesn't revolve around Zara.

"I'm just taking a wild guess, but by your tone and remark I'm guessing I was right." He has a smug grin on his face that enrages me even more.

"It's nothing ok? Just forget about it..."

"What happened with you two this time? You all are beyond Abnormal. I get confused just watching you two interact. What's really going on man?" He's staring at me, abstrusely.

He'll never get it. I don't even get it.

"It's not even a big deal. So berry heard me and Mallory having sex last night. It's no reason to overreact the way she did." I blurt out.

"Wow, she what? She heard you guys?! Well shit Justin, think about it. You all go around flirting and kissing on each other from what I understand based on what you've told me. I don't view Zara as the infidelity type, yet somehow her defenses are always broken around you. Have you ever stopped to think that you all aren't just playing some sick game? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe she might have some sort of feelings for you which is why she puts up with your shit? I mean, yeah she's with Jeremy, but dude, people can't control their heart and emotions man."

Leave it to Trace to shed light on the situation. Leave it to him to get all philosophical on me. How could I have considered anything he just said? Zara and I are not on those levels. He just doesn't fucking get it!

"Ok, Trace. And let's suppose you're right...what the fuck does that have to do with anything?" I think my ignorance it getting the best of me.

"Well Justin! It has everything to do with it. Obviously, hearing you and Mallory do the ‘funky monkey' must have hurt my Zar-bear in some way. You all need to get your acts straight before someone gets hurt. But I'm guessing that ship has sailed."

His Zar-bear? What the fuck?! And this is me, feeling a million times worse and angrier than before. Trace has to be wrong. He just has to be. Zara doesn't care about me like that. All I've ever been was an asshole to her. I've judged her from day one. I still do. She doesn't deserve that.

"Well Trace..." I'm not going to think about this now. I have a fucking show to get to. "I'm sure I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're wrong ok? Zara is just pmsing or something. Just drop it. Let's get ready for the show." I stand to leave not waiting for his response as he sighs profoundly.

"You are one stubborn mule Justin. Shit will bite you in the ass for it. But whatever. You're right, it's getting late. We should probably get ready to head out..." He suggests, respecting my wishes that this conversation is over. Shaking my head at him, we both decide to head upstairs so we can prepare for the night's events. This should be an interesting night. I hope Yolanda really rocks the crowd tonight. Although, I have no doubt that she will.

****

Hours Later...At Club Giant

"Hey LA! How's everyone doing tonight?!" Yolanda shouts into her mic receiving a series of hoots, yells, screams and hollers. "Yeah that's what I like to hear. I'm about to switch things up a bit and break into my single that's gracing the air waves across the country. You think you guys can help me sing it?" She places the mic to the crowd and their screams instantly intensify as the bright stage lights shine on her.

Smiling brightly, I cheer from the V.I.P section as she gets the crowd hyped. Damn, she's a sensational singer and performer. That girl's music career is made.

Feeling a sense of elation, I rest back against my seat in our booth, enjoying the show. It's been going well so far and the place is jam-packed with fans and club goers. We had quite the struggle getting through paparazzi. When I noticed the frenzy going on outside the grounds of the club, I knew this was only the beginning of this chaotic life I'm going to live. I really hope I can cope. But now is not the time to dwell on such issues. I'm here for Yolanda and to give her support. And she's doing great!

"Hey babe! You want another drink from the bar?" Looking over, I smile warmly at Jeremy. He's such a sweetheart.

"Yeah, get me a Cosmopolitan please." I reply.

"You got it. Be right back." He gets up from his sitting position and struts over to the bar. Glaring at his ass, I sigh lightly before my view is rudely blocked out by a tall frame. Fixing my thin strapped red dress, I flinch when I hear someone clear their throat loudly.

Snapping my head up, I notice Justin is staring down at me.

"What?!" I shout over the music.

Without answering, he slides into the booth next to me still just staring. His eyes look dilated too. Since he got here earlier he hasn't said much to me. He's not ignoring me. He's just been preoccupied with Mallory and Trace. He does look dashing in his William Rast ensemble which consists of a green v-neck graffiti t-shirt, black canvas recruit jacket and long dark flare jeans. Damn it. Why does he have to look this good all the time? Why can't he look like a bum every once in a while? It would make both our lives easier. Well, not really.

"Are you having fun!?" He asks and I nod in response. "Ok good! Do you want to dance?" He asks again and I just glare at him. He must be joking.

"We're kind of with other people Justin. Jeremy just went to get me a drink." I state firmly.

"So what? A dance never hurt anyone. Come on." He grabs my arm, pulling me out of the booth and unto the dance floor. I'm going to regret this.

Leaving me there, he stalks over to the bar where Jeremy is located. Oh no, what's he doing? I can see them talking but I have no idea what's being said. Yolanda is still performing and the music is deathly loud. Seconds later, Justin is walking back over to me with my drink in hand.

"Here, Jeremy says he's cool. Go put your drink down and come back." He hands me the item and I oblige, a little upset that Jeremy would just willingly allow that. Then again, he has no reason to think anything of a dance. If he only knew.

Finally returning, Justin instantly grips me by the waist pulling me flush against his torso. Oh no, what the hell is his deal? Reluctantly, I snake my hands around his neck as we sway to the slow ballad that Yolanda is now singing.

After dancing for a few minutes, I can feel Justin's hands slowly graze down to my lower back. I'm beginning to get uncomfortable. Mainly because Mallory is just staring at us from their booth area where Trace and some of their entourage is located. I'm kind of wondering why she's not doing or saying anything. That's not like Mallory at all. Did Justin tell her something?

Speaking of Justin, I can feel his nose nuzzled into the crook of my neck as he inhales deeply letting out a low throaty growl.

"Justin? What are you doing?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing." he mumbles, tightening his hold around me. Oh my god, is he trying to get us in trouble? "Just memorizing your sent."

Wow, creepy. "Uh, could you loosen up please and give some space between us?" I push a little at his chest but he doesn't budge.

"We're dancing, it's cool."

"No it's not. You're too close."

Pulling his head back he looks at me with tired eyes. "You never had a problem before." He hisses and I instantly get a whiff of alcohol and something else on his breath. Is that weed? He's been smoking? How comes I didn't smell it on him before? Maybe because I was a little stunned with his forward gesture? I don't know.

"Are you high?" I squint at him and he just gives me a lazy smile.

"No."

"Yes you are. You're high aren't you? Why Justin?"

"I'm not high berry."

"I told you don't call me that."

"Well I like it. You smell like strawberries so it works." He smirks at me. If there is anything more annoying than asshole Justin, is high Justin. Why me?

"Justin, just go sit down or something. Looking at your face properly now, you look really...out of it." I suggest, but he protests by ignoring my statement and resting his head on my shoulders.

"I prefer dancing with you. Besides, you look really beautiful in your short dress." He groans. "And ‘fuckable' too." He adds in a whisper. Ok, that's it. I've had enough. Forcefully breaking our embrace I stumble back a bit.

"Ok, that's it Justin. I'm done. Just go do something with yourself. I'm going to head back over to Jeremy." I explain, casting my vision to Jer who's at our table having a deep conversation with one of Justin's many bodyguards. Does he not care that his woman is over here with another man? He really shouldn't put his guard down just because it's Justin. But who can blame him? He's clueless to what's been going on.

"NO!" Justin grips my arm, pulling me back towards him. "What the fuck do you see in him Zara?" He snaps. "Ok, beside the fact that he's all muscular and whatever and shit?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you now." I snap back trying to break free from his hold.

"Yes we are. What better time than now? Why do you constantly flaunt him in my face? Does he even know what's been going on between us?" He enquires and I quickly put my hands over his mouth to shut him up.

"Just shut the fuck up Justin. Now is not the time! I'm warning you." Oh my god, he's trying to destroy me. I knew I should have only kept him as part of my daydreams and not let any of this happen.

"Poor berry. She's afraid that if her precious Jer finds out that we've been messing around he'll leave her." He says in a condescending tone. God, I want to slap him right now. Is anyone witnessing this? I'm looking around the dance floor and everyone seems occupied. Wait, where did Mallory go? I actually need her here right now to get Justin's attention off me.

"Listen Justin. You are clearly high. Why don't you head over to Trace and chill for a bit?"

"No. No...not until you tell me what the fuck is your problem. Are you playing games with me? Because, I don't take kindly to a bitch who's trying to screw me over." He snarls, still holding unto my arm.

Sighing I try to calm my nerves and the initial urge to blow up on him. "I'm not playing games." I respond sadly.

"Yes you are, always flirting with me and flaunting your fucking body around in those kinds of outfits you wear. You've never done that before."

"You've never dealt with me outside of work before!" Is this fucker for real? How can he blame this on me?

"Oh please. You were an unsocial, unattractive hermit. And all of a sudden, you want to be Zara this voluptuous bombshell?"

He's ridiculous and high out of his mind. I'd laugh in his face right now if I wasn't afraid of him running his mouth for everyone to hear.

"Just leave me alone Justin. I'm not having this conversation with you. And you better let me go before..."

"Before what? I dare you to do something about it." He challenges me, his eyes burning with fury.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?" I cry out.

"I'm not acting any way Zara! You've been leading me on and I'm really getting pissed off by it. I agree that we need to talk about this."

"Oh now you want to talk? Now!? Justin! We can't always do shit on your time! People have lives too! And my life does not circulate around you!"

"It might as well, you wouldn't have one if it weren't for me. You should be grateful." He growls, finally releasing his hold on me. Rubbing at my sore arm I shake my head sadly.

"So that's what this is about? You think I owe you because you gave me this job? You think I should be at your beck and call? Well I'm not going to do that." I retort.

"You know what? Just forget you. You're a fucking tease and nothing more. You're worthless Zara! You should be lucky I didn't fire you back when I was considering it due to your incoherence and fucking daydreaming all the time. What the fuck could possibly have you so enchanted all the time? Your work was sloppy and so were you."

My eyes widen in shock as Justin continues to ramble on, not caring about the dangerous effects his words are having on me.

"So just fuck you and I hope you're happy with ‘gym boy'. But don't come to me when he's broken your heart or something."

"You're one to talk when you have Mallory fucking with." I finally regain my voice and I'm seriously embarrassed and angry with him right now. He's such a dickhead.

"Yeah, at least she's not a fucking tease like you. But hell, I can understand you wanting to wild out and have every guy that shows some form of interest in you. I mean, you're what? 300 pounds? What guy would be interested in that? Mallory was right. I don't know what I was thinking. You're just a fat hideous bitch!" His spits, his words stinging me like venom.

Without a second thought I react the only way I know how...by raising my hand and swinging it subconsciously. I watch in slow motion as my palm connects to his cheek. His shock is apparent as he clutches unto the sore spot stumbling back a bit, but what's really apparent is the fact that my eyes are watering and the tears are just about ready to spill out.

"You're an asshole Justin Timberlake! Do you hear me!? A Fucking self-centered, arrogant jerk! I hate you!" I scream not caring who hears or sees.

"Justin! Jahzara! What the hell is going on?" Trace calls out to us approaching us with Mike and Lonnie in tow.

Wiping at my eyes roughly, I jack Justin out of the way who's still just staring at me in shock. Yes I slapped you; you deserved a lot more than that but get over it.

"I'm fine Trace."

"But I just saw you slap Jus..." Trace trails off looking perplexed as Jeremy makes his way over.

"What the hell is going on? I thought you two were dancing?" Jeremy asks, staring Justin down.

"You let them dance?" Trace asks incredulously. Oh god...

"What's wrong with that? It's good if they are getting along and not at each other's throats." Jeremy explains. I feel so terrible. He's so clueless.

"It's fine!" I scream through frustration. "I can't fucking do this right now! God!" I yell quaking, turning on my heel and stomping away from everyone. Those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes just keep drilling a hole into me as he just stands there emotionlessly. He's just standing there rubbing at his face vigorously. I think he's trying to sober up from his high. I'm sure my smacking him helped. It really happened before I had a chance to catch myself.

I can hear them calling out to me, but I don't care. I need out. I need to get out of here. Fuck being a PA right now. Fuck Yolanda's show. I'm out.

Sprinting down the stairs of V.I.P, I disappear into the crowd pushing at the bouncers at the exit to let me through. When they see me, they step aside and I'm instantly bombarded with blinding light flashes.

"Miss Gilmore!"

"Jahzara over here!?"

"Yolanda's PA! What's it like in there?! Is Yolanda doing great?!"

Holy shit! When did these people learn my name? What's happening? Pushing them out of the way, I try to get unto the sidewalk so I can hail a taxi.

"Miss Gilmore when did you and Justin begin having an affair?"

Stopping dead in my tracks, I turn around to see a very tall man with auburn hair and olive skin holding a camera in his hand and an evil glimmer in his eyes.

"Wh...what?"

"You know, you and Justin. There's a rumor going around about you two kissing in some parking lot after a Lakers game. But no pictures have surfaced yet. What's that about?"

"Oh my god. Are you people insane? Just leave me alone!" I yell, whipping around and picking up my pace, practically sprinting out of the mass hysteria and down the sidewalk.

"I can't believe this is happening." I mutter to myself, hailing a cab over. The taxi pulls up in front of me and just as I'm about to enter I hear him calling out to me. Can this night get any worse?

"Zara! Berry hold up! Where are you going? Jahzara! Wait a minute! Don't leave!"

Looking up, I can see Justin, Mike, Lonnie and Trace heading in my direction and there's a swarm of people behind them. Where the fuck is Jeremy? You know, I don't care right now. He should have never allowed Justin to dance with me. What kind of boyfriend is he? Mike and Lonnie are doing some serious damage control right now so their superstar doesn't get mauled. Justin doesn't seem to care that there are cameras everywhere!

"Zara wait up please. Don't get in that cab, we'll take you home." Trace pleads.

Shaking my head sadly, I instantly hop inside before they can get to me. "Drive! Now!" I demand to the taxi driver and he instantly speeds off leaving everyone in the dust.

Looking out the window, I can see them still staring in my direction as they disappear into the distance.

Turing back around I whimper, clutching unto my purse tightly. "I hate him." I mutter, digging through my purse for my handy pills. "I fucking hate him."

"Where to miss?" The Indian man asks me.

Glaring at him through the mirror I contemplate my choice of destination. ‘Home' is not an option right now. "Just drive sir. I'll let you know once I figure it out."

Nodding understandably, he diverts his attention to the road and I divert my attention to my nails. "God I hate him." I mumble yet again.

And finally for the first time that night, I allow my tears to flow freely.

I make no effort to wipe them away. I just seat in silence and cry, because for some odd reason, everything Justin said to me was true. He's right. I am worthless. I've always been.

He's rudely reminded me why I've kept to myself all this time and never let anyone in.

Glancing at the small bottle in my hands, my lips tremble slightly. Shutting my eyes tightly, I stuff the items back into my bag before I look out the window, zoning out and becoming mesmerized by all the bright lights of Hollywood, LA.

****

Quote by: Buddha and Gandhi

Next Day...

Late Saturday Morning...

Justin's P.O.V

Painful Strides

"Love is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to one's heart. Joy from being with that person, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. And, pain from knowing that you're so in love, that you're more vulnerable than you've ever been before."

"Shit!" I hiss, rubbing at my temples while I amble into my kitchen. Swinging open the refrigerator door, I pull out a bottle of water twisting the cap off. Taking a few large gulps, I sigh with content as the cool liquid slides down my throat. Looking out the glass doors into my yard, I can see Buckley and Brennan basking in the sun. It must really be easy to be a dog. They really have it made. Smiling at them, I take another gulp of water to clear my dry throat.

"Rough night eh?"

Nearly choking on the substance, I wipe at my mouth before I turn around to see Trace sitting on the dinning table staring at me intently.

Scratching at my bare chest I turn away from him. "Yeah, whatever." I mumble under my breath.

"I'm betting I don't have to talk to you about what happened. I'm sure you feel bad enough already as it is. But Zara didn't come home last night and Jeremy has been calling here non stop. He's pissed at you. He doesn't know anything, but he wants to know what happened between you two last night..."

"Just shut up Trace! Damn it! And what do you mean berry didn't come home last night?" I think that information woke me up completely. She never came home? And she clearly wasn't with Jeremy. So where the hell is she? I know this is my entire fault and I feel terrible. But no one understands the battle I'm having within myself over this whole situation.

"You heard me Justin. I'm worried about her you know? I tried her cell but she must have it off. We have no clue where she could be or if she's ok. You know if you all sat without fighting for once, you'd get to see what an amazing person Zara really is and know she doesn't deserve this treatment. You've really done it this time man. What would Lynn say if she knew?" Trace shakes his head at me and I can see the disappointment in his eyes.

"Oh, so you're angry with me too? Whose friend are you?" I snarl at him. He's not doing this to me right now. I won't have it. I know Zara is amazing. Why do you think I feel like shit? I haven't spoken to my mom in a while. She'd be disappointed in me. I know she would. Speaking of, I really need to give her a call.

"I'm your friend Justin. That's why I have to talk some sense into your stubborn ass. I told you this shit would bite you in the ass. But I'm Jahzara's friend too." He explains and I glower at him.

"What do you want me to do? Go looking for her?" I argue.

"That won't be necessary." Comes an all too familiar weak voice.

Turning my head to the entrance of my kitchen I feel my breath catch in my throat. My heartbeat instantly increases and the regret I had when I woke up this morning with a massive hangover is back.

"Berry I..." She cuts me off by raising her hands in the air.

"Don't fucking talk to me." She snaps, gazing directly into my eyes.

Oh my god, she looks horrible. Her eyes are cherry red. I think she was maybe crying whole night or something. Shit, and it's my fault. How am I going to fix this? I can't believe I said those things to her. Way to go Timberlake. I actually wish I could kick my own ass. That's how terrible I feel. I can't be angry with Trace. He's right. Everything he said was true. He's just being a good friend.

I can't approach her. I can't do anything really. I'm afraid she'd hit me again if I got too close. That woman has a powerful fucking swing. My jaw is still hurting from last night, but I'm guessing I deserved it. But shit, if she swings like that, how would Malcolm's punches feel? I can just picture him beating on me for hurting his baby sister. That's not a pretty sight. Shuddering at the thought, I remain quiet as I watch Trace walk over to Zara, engulfing her in a hug.

I hate this so much right now. That should be me. Jeremy should be the one to fuck up not me. I should be the one to console her. Damn it! I'm so fucking stupid. Why do I even care? What's really happening to me here?

"Zar-bear, I was so worried about you! How are you? Where were you? Girl you gave us all a scar." Trace rambles stroking her back soothingly.

There really isn't much more I can take. I want this entire situation solved! And I want it solved now!

"I'm fine Tracey-poo." She lets out a light giggle, hugging him back. Do they even care that I'm still in the room?

"I suddenly love that nickname." Trace chuckles, pulling back to look at her and pushing some strands of hair out of her face. I guess they don't care that I'm here. But you know I've fucking lost it if I feel jealous just because Trace is all nice with her and I'm not.

"Listen. I'm just going to grab something to drink then head upstairs to pack." She explains. Hold the fuck up! Did she say pack? Pack what?

"Are you going somewhere?" I inquire, stepping back when she cuts her eyes at me.

"Not that it's any of your business but yes. I'm leaving." She states firmly.

"What? Berry I'm sorry about everything ok? I was high and confused and I just lashed out at you. I honestly didn't mean a word of what I said. Please believe me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm an asshole. I'm a jerk. I know I am. And I'll apologize forever and I know it won't be enough but I'll still do it. I'll make it up to you I promise. Just...don't leave. Don't go back to Florida. We still have three weeks to go and..."

She cuts me off with a fake, tired laugh. She looks like she's on the verge of passing out. "I'm not going home back to Florida Justin. I have a responsibility. I'm not going to abandon my job just because my boss is an inconsiderate dickhead."

"Uh, ok, I deserved that but why won't you accept my apology? I really am sorry berry." I take a step towards her and she instantly freezes up.

"Take one more step and all hell is going to break loose." She warns. I believe her so I stand still. Besides, she's standing right next to the cutlery. With the hatred she has in her eyes, I won't put murder past her. Women are crazy when their emotions are out of control.

"I'll just head out and leave you two to settle this." Trace voices and I actually forgot he was there. Walking past me, he whispers something in my ears before he leaves. "Why don't you just be honest with the both of you and tell her how you really feel." He states, causing me to furrow my brows at him. How I really feel? I don't even know what that man is talking about. He's supposed to be my best friend for years and I feel like he doesn't even know me sometimes.

I don't get a chance to respond because he's already out the kitchen and out of eye sight.

Looking back at berry, she's digging through the contents of the fridge. Sighing, and swallowing my pride, I decide to be the bigger man for once in my life. This is going to be hard. I've never attempted what I'm about to do. But it needs to be done.

"Berry, I don't want you to leave. Where are you going anyway?" I begin.

Pulling out a carton of apple juice, she keeps her back to me as she searches for a glass.

"Top right cabinet." I state, helping her with her search.

She mutters a ‘thanks' instantly finding the item, but doesn't respond to my question.

"Berry?" I ask again, gaining some confidence to walk up to her and touch her shoulders lightly.

She gasps from the contact and the glass nearly falls from her hand, but I'm quick and I catch it. I know I shouldn't be doing this but I can't move. I just...she's killing me. I'm so sorry. Words will never express how sorry I am for hurting her the way I'm sure I did. She already has self-image and esteem issues. I just made it worse. God, I maybe killed all the self confidence she has left. I'm never going to be forgiven am I? I really hope she does forgive me.

Looking down at her, I've noticed she's not moving. She's breathing heavily though. I can actually hear her breaths. I should move. But, she's pressed up against my kitchen counter and my body is firmly resting against her back. I know we're too close. She hates me right now. But, I don't hate her. I...I...well, I don't hate her.

"Back off Justin." She strains out through light gasps.

"I...look berry, please I'm trying. I'm trying to make things right between us."

Flipping around, she's now facing me though I haven't budged. I'm wondering how she managed to turn with such little space between us but she did. Lifting her head to stare at me, she sighs heavily.

"You hurt me Justin. I can't forgive you for the things you said. Not when the wounds are still so fresh."

I knew it wouldn't be that easy but Jesus! I'm seriously dying here. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend like she has no effect on me. It's murdering me. It's taunting and drilling at my insides...at my emotions.

"I know. God I know. I wish I could turn back time but I can't. I was a humungous asshole but I can't change that. Shit, I was so stupid and retarded and a prick, and a self-absorbed dickhead, and a moron, and a buffoon and a jerk. A big fucking jerk that deserves to be shot for the things I've said to you. I mean, I was really arrogant and cocky and heartless...feel free to stop me at any time berry. I mean it's no problem if you want to stop me." I state, receiving a light smile from her. God, I love that smile. She has an amazing smile. Wait she's smiling? Does that mean we're making progress?

"No, you're doing fine. Keep going. We've got a whole dictionary to cover." She giggles and I actually breathe a sigh of relief.

"Does that mean you'll give me a chance to make it up to you? I honestly am sorry. I can't say that enough. Shit, berry I didn't mean any of those things I said. I was just frustrated, and tired and hurt. I guess I wanted you to hurt too. I don't know." I admit. This confession is taking a lot out of me. Who knew being honest was so difficult? No wonder people lie so much.

"I can let you make it up to me. But I don't know about anything else right now. I need some time to think so I'm just going to leave." She explains.

"Ok, I can respect that. But leave to go where exactly?" I enquire yet again.

"I'm going to stay with Jeremy for the remainder of our time in LA. It's only logical since he's my boyfriend. Besides, you and I aren't exactly getting along..."

And I just tuned her out. Jeremy? Are you fucking kidding me? Why? I don't want her to stay with him! I'll never get to see her if that happens. Why do I care?! Why do I always fucking care?!

"Justin are you even listening to me?" She pokes at my chest and I bend my head to look at her.

"What? Oh yeah! Jeremy. Why though? Do you hate me that much that you can't stay in the same house with me? I'll stay out of your way if that's what you want." I really don't want her to do this. Please don't do this to me. I feel bad enough as it is.

"No. I thought I hated you. I honestly did, but I've had hours to think about it. And I've realized that we're not healthy for each other. The distance would do us some good. I mean we are going to be spending a lot of time together when Yolanda starts getting busy. I just need...I don't know. I need to go...away...from you." She begins fiddling with her nails and for the first time, I get a slight dose of my own medicine. So that's what it feels like when someone stings you with their words? Holy shit! I'm actually hurt by that statement. She can't even handle being around me anymore. Wow.

"Zara I..."

"It's ok Justin. It's cool. Really it is. I thought I'd be angry and never want to talk or see you again, but I can cope. I've dealt with these things my whole life. What's one more time huh?"

I feel terrible again. She's associating what I said to her with the people who've belittled her, her entire life. I really feel like shit right now.

"No Berry. Don't do this. I don't want you to leave." I plead. How pathetic am I? I don't care right now though.

"Why? Huh? Why can't I go? It's not like we're together Justin. Damn it, it's not like..." She trails off swallowing harshly. "It's not like we're in love or anything like that. So why can't I leave?"

"I just. I don't want you to go alright. Please don't. Give me a chance to show you how much I'm sorry first." I'm begging here. I never, ever, ever beg. But I'm groveling all because of Zara. Again I ask myself why? Raising my hand to touch her cheek lightly she shuts her eyes momentarily. "Why can't you feel it? Why don't you see it berry?" I ask, shocking myself in the process. What the fuck am I saying? I think aliens just took over my brain. Yeah that's it!

"What?" She breathes out, leaning into my touch.

"This. Everything. Nothing. I don't know. This...attraction. It's so strong. It makes us do and say crazy things around each other." I try to explain but it's difficult. I honestly have no control over my brain right now. It's malfunctioning.

"I...I don't know Justin. We argue all the time. I'm not sure anymore." She retorts, pushing at my bare chest so she can move out of her little trap. We've been standing here glued to my kitchen counter for the past how many minutes. I'm not letting her go that easily.

"Where were you last night?" I inquire.

"It's none of your..." She trails off when my hands begin rubbing up and down her bare shoulders.

"Are you cold? You have goose bumps." I examine her light brown hands, wondering how her skin is able to be so velvety soft.

"Not cold." She chokes out, breathing deeply.

"Ok, so where were you?"

"Out." She replies flatly.

"Out where?" I probe, studying her facial expressions. I think she's spacing out again.

"The beach." She mutters, shutting her eyes tightly.

"What? By yourself? That's not safe berry." Was she looking to get raped or something?

"I know but I needed to think." She responds, licking at her sweet lips. Please don't do this to me. I'm trying my best not to think about sex when it comes to her. It always leads to bad things. But god, she's still in her dress from last night. It's a tight red dress. It's hugging her in all the right places. She's not fat at all! How could I have said such a thing? The woman is strikingly gorgeous. From her curly black hair, to her bright hazel eyes, to her long succulent legs and tight firm ass. Fuck! I can feel my dick twitch just thinking about what she looks like naked and in all her glory. I want her. I want her so fucking bad!

I can't deny it anymore! I fucking want her and I want to be all up inside of her making her scream my name. How did we get here? How did we get so fucked up?

Resting our foreheads together I inhale deeply. I won't let rapture overpower me. I'm stronger than that...I think. Even after all these hours I can still smell her faint strawberry sent. "Berry, I'm sorry. And I understand your wishes. But please don't go. Not to him." I whisper against her skin.

"Why are you so jealous of Jeremy?" She queries causing me to tense a bit.

"I'm not. I just don't think he's right for you."

"Why, because you are? We barely get along Justin."

"I can change that."

"I think it's too late for that."

No it's not. It's never too late to make a change. She just doesn't realize it. "It's not too late berry..."

"Just move so I can go pack ok?" She places her palms on my bare chest and I grown, shivering from the contact of her cold hands on my bare skin.

Yanking her hands away she blushes. "Sorry." She mutters and I shake my head in protest.

"No...it's...it's fine. Your hands were just cold." I growl in a raspy whisper. I fucking want her so fucking bad right now! We're seriously screwed in the head.

"Ok, but Justin seriously. We've been here really long. I need to go..."

"No! Don't do this Zara. I can't fucking deal with seeing you two together so cozy for comfort. It's fucking driving me insane!" I belt. Wow! Where did that come from? Do I really feel like that? I'm not sure.

She's stunned. She's staring at me wide eyed and I take advantage of the situation to finally back away from her so our bodies aren't touching.

"Are you shitting me? You're lying right? You have to be. This isn't happening." She shakes her head pitifully.

"No. I'm not. You have no fucking idea Zara! Damn it! I just..." Well here goes nothing. "I just fucking want you ok? OK? I don't mean what I say. It's just built up tension because you won't let me have you! Why? Why won't you let me have you?" Way to go Justin. Way to complicate the situation even more. I really need to learn how to shut my big mouth.

"Oh my god!" She claps her hands to her mouth, just glaring at me. Removing her hands, she drops them to her sides but she's still just glaring.

"Shit. I mean...I...well. Damn it!" I growl, stepping up to her and pulling her against me. "I won't do this anymore Jahzara. I don't know what you're feeling, but I won't put up with this anymore." My hands are firmly around her waist and I think she's lost her commonsense because she's grinning at me. Why the fuck is she grinning like an idiot? I thought she hated me. I thought she never wanted to forgive me.

"What are you saying Justin? Are you saying you have feelings for me?" She has a cute glow in her eyes and her anger seems to almost dissipate into thin air. Why do these women always throw me for a loop like that?

"What? No! I just...No! We're not on those levels. I'm just saying I'm attracted to you that's all." I say nervously.

"Oh," She voices with dejection. "Well, I should go then." She replies wearily, removing my hands from her body.

No! NO! NO! I don't want her to go. Why can't I just let her go!?

She's walking away from me. She, she's almost out the kitchen. And I'm just standing there, like an idiot. Fuck me!

"Berry hold on..." I call out to her, following to where she's standing at the bottom of the stairway. She turns around to face me and I swallow all doubt and fear I have and I instantly cup her cheeks, leaning down to capture her lips with mine.

I know this is what got us here in this situation in the first place. But I've wanted to kiss her again since the night we almost had sex. God I've been craving this again. She really is unhealthy for me. But I don't care. I fucking love this. She's not responding. Why isn't she resp...ok scratch that. She just sucked in my lips like a damn vacuum. Again, I believe she is into kinky stuff. God I wish I could find out if that was true. I can't let her go back to Jeremy. I just...I can't. She instantly wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me against her body. Smiling slightly, I massage her cheek as our tongues continue to battle. Shit, she's sweet. So sweet, so soft. I fucking despise how I've treated her. She never deserved it. It's probably going to take a lifetime to make it up to her.

Hearing her small moan sends goose bumps down my body. Oh wow, now I know why she had goose bumps earlier. You'd have to be blind to not see the fire burning between us when we're close. Shit, so why do we constantly do this? Why do we always screw everything up? "Mmm...berry." I force through kisses, slicking my hand into her soft curls. I'd love passing my hand through her hair every morning when I wake up and seeing those big bright hazel orbs staring back at me.

"What?" She breathes out, massaging my bare sides, causing me to shudder. Her touch is seriously mesmerizing. I'm a little scared that she can touch me like that and send me on overdrive. No woman has been able to do that before.

"Don't go..." I mumble against her lips, sliding my hands down to her side. "I...I'm sorry. Please just stay...with me." I plead, growling when her leg grazes my inner thigh. This is the one time I wish that I wasn't only wearing boxers. You can't conceal anything with just boxers on.

"I can't..." She mutters, still keeping her suction on me as we continue to kiss feverishly. I'm this fucking close to exploding. I can't take this much longer. I seriously want her...right now. Right this very second.

"Ber...not again. Please don't do...this again." What the fuck am I really saying? I can't believe my thoughts are being rattled like that. Shit, what the fuck is she doing to me? When did I allow her to have this much power over me? I do not like this at all.

"I can't stay Justin!" She whines, forcefully breaking our lip-lock. Heaving, she's just staring at me. "I can't stay. Not until I figure this all out." She licks at her swollen lips and so do I.

"What? What is there to figure out!" I ask feeling frustrated that we had to stop...again! I'm really on the verge of just saying fuck it and literally stripping her naked and taking her right there, right now. I don't give a fuck who's there or who sees. My mind is clouded over with lust and I'm not even listening to her right now. Her breasts are just taunting me...poking out in her dress begging to be played with. Begging to be sucked. I could do that. I could definitely do that.

"Justin?!" She pushes at my shoulder and I finally lock eyes with her.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"You heard nothing I said did you?"

"No." I reply sheepishly.

"I said I'm going. I can't do this anymore. I can't be lying to Jer anymore. I need to find out if our relationship can work." She explains and I frown.

"We're back to this again?!"

"Just shut up Justin. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing when I'm around you. I just need out, to clear my mind. I can't even believe we just kissed again. It's like something takes over my brain."

She sounds like me now. I can just picture little green men in my head having a blast with dominating my regular functions. I'm seriously fucked. "But ber..."

"Save it ok? Just...forget about everything. I'll be back." She quickly ends the conversation, sprinting up the stairs and disappearing down the hallway.

Taking a seat on my stairs I breathe heavily. There really is nothing I can do. Her body is the only thing responding to me right now. It's just the attraction between us. Her mind is elsewhere...And, I'm pretty sure her heart is elsewhere. And again, I feel terrible for everything I've done. This is my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. How did I get here? How did I get so infatuated with my employee that I can't think straight? That's not like me at all.

------------

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here and I'm beginning to feel a chill with my back exposed like this, but all that is forgotten when I see Zara coming down the stairs with her suitcase. She changed her clothes too. She has on some tight T that stops just above her navel ring and a pair of long jeans. Damn it, I'm never going to play with that ring am I? I really want to though. It's really hot. This is really happening huh? She's leaving to be with Jeremy. It's my fucking fault and I can't stop her. I can't make her do something she doesn't want to do.

Standing, I rub my hands over my chest then face. I'm still a little buzzed from last night because I drank a lot. This hang over is going to have me lazing around whole day. And to think she was the initial drive that led me to drown my sorrows in liquor. Fate is a fucked up thing.

"You're really going aren't you?" I inquire, hoping she'd change her mind.

Looking at me downhearted she shakes her head yes. "Yeah, Jeremy is here, could you buzz him in?"

"Yeah sure." I respond sadly. I can't fight her on this. Why can't I fight her on this? I don't want her to fucking leave. Doing as she requested, I walk back over to her.

"I guess I'll see you around then." I reply.

"Justin, I'm not going away to another continent forever. I'm just going by Jeremy. I'll see you all every time Yolanda has something scheduled and I'll definitely be at the VMA's. Are you forgetting I'm going to be working for you too? You're acting like you've lost me or I'll be gone forever. Just...don't worry about it. It's what's best..." She trails off when we hear a loud honk from outside. That must be good ole ‘gym boy'. I really can't hate him. He's done nothing wrong. Maybe he's what she needs. I know I'm too screwed up in the head right now to think otherwise.

But she's wrong you know. I am going to lose her. She will be gone forever. He'll have her. He'll be able to be with her in a way I'll never be able to. He'll have her affection, not me. And you know what? It's all my fucking fault. But why do I care!?

"Ok, that's Jer. I'll see you all some time next week for Yolanda's radio interviews ok?"

Nodding my head, I refrain from making any eye contact with her. Would she just leave already! Damn it! Why prolong the inevitable?

Sighing, she drops her bags and engulfs me in a hug. "Bye Justin." But I don't respond or hug her back. I just want her to leave so I can get back to my life. "Don't over work Yolanda too much ok?"

"Yeah fine." I mumble, pushing her away from me lightly.

"I'll miss you." She coos, hearing another honk outside.

"You should go." I try to push her off me but she's still holding me tightly. I thought she wanted to leave. What's her deal?

Kissing me on my cheek she finally whispers something in my ears I never thought I'd hear her say. "I forgive you Ju. So, don't worry about it ok?" She says, her breath tickling the outlining of my ears.

Finally pulling away from me, she's searching my eyes for a reaction. How do I react to that? How could she forgive me so easily? I'm just shocked a bit. I can't really speak. I don't know what to say exactly.

When she realizes I'm not responding, she shrugs and grabs her suitcase, swinging the door open. I glance outside and notice Jeremy's blue metallic BMW. Then I hear him call out to her, and just like that the door slams shut, and I'm left alone, standing here, trying to make sense of all these fucked up emotions I'm feeling right now.

It's not long before I hear Jeremy's car come to life and pull out of my driveway. And I'm still in the same spot, watching the wooden barrier. She just...she just walked out of my life. She just...she made her peace with me. She's his now. He's going to have her full attention now. I can't compete with that! How am I going to be able to be around her now? Maybe she should quit. But I know she won't and I won't fire her.

And this is me, feeling like shit again. I should be ecstatic that she forgave me so easily, but I sort of wished it wouldn't be that simple.

"Jay..." Trace calls out to me and I turn to glare at him.

"What the fuck do you want now?" I snap at him furiously. I'm mad. I'm angry. I need that fucking vacation!

"You're crying." He points out and I shake my head in protest. Is this bitch high? I don't cry. I never fucking cry. Justin Timberlake does not fucking cry! I'm no pussy.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I scowl.

"Well, if a few single tears constitute as crying then you are." He enforces. "She'll be back. Don't worry. It's only a matter of time before she realizes how she feels about you."

"Just shut the fuck up Trace! I don't need to hear this now! I'm going back to sleep. Wake me when the sun goes down and keep that shrew Mallory away from me! Can you do that simple request?" I sneer.

Shaking his head in agreement I brush past him and stomp up the stairs. I don't miss the pity on his face. He thinks I'm pathetic, but I don't blame him. I feel the same fucking way.

I can't believe I've reached a point where a woman...who isn't even mine to begin with...has this much effect on me. I'm a fucking psychotic freak. Maybe I am developing gynophobia.

Entering my bedroom, I slam the door shut mumbling profanities on my way to the bathroom. I'm acting like I'll never see her again. I'm going to see her next week. But, I know it's not going to be the same. Nothing is ever going to be the same again. Maybe that's a good thing considering how messed up things were before. But damn it all! Damn it all to fucking hell! I don't want Zara with Jeremy! I fucking don't! I can't stand to see those two together. I'll rip my fucking eyes out if I have to.

Glaring at the mirror my eyes widen in shock.

"What the fuck?"

Touching my eyes I realize Trace was right.

"Oh hell na! This is fucking ridiculous."

I was crying? When? I didn't feel anything. I was practically numb to it. No, no...maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I...Maybe I yawned and wasn't aware. I don't cry! I don't ever fucking cry! And over what? Jahzara? Give me a fucking break. She doesn't have that much of an effect on me.

But then I turn to the side and I can see the imprint of her lipstick where she kissed me on my cheek. It's strawberry red and it smells like the fruit too!

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I mutter, dropping my boxers and turning on the shower. Placing the temperature on cold, I push the glass doors aside and step into the bath instantly standing under the cold running water. I shiver a bit, then tremble from the cold impact but I soon relax my muscles as I allow the water to beat on my back.

Gripping my head lightly, I can still feel the massive headache I woke up with this morning. Get a grip Justin. Get a hold of yourself. Everything is going to be fine. It's just one female. Just another fucking woman. It's nothing. It's really nothing. She'll be out of your life before you know it.

Who am I kidding? Zara isn't just another female. She's berry. She's my sweet strawberry. This is going to be a painful path I have to tread to get her out of my system.

Shutting my eyes tightly, I forcefully will away my endless thoughts. I'll not let this get the best of me. I'm stronger than that...or am I?

"Shit!"

****

Quote by: Unknown

2 Weeks Later...

Saturday morning...

At Jeremy's...

Admission Is The First Step

"Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult."

"Just great. How can they reschedule now?" I groan, flipping through the messages on my phone. "Yolanda was scheduled for that radio interview today. Those people need to get their shit together." Pressing the talk button, I listen intently waiting for someone to answer.

"This is JKW5, Joel speaking, how may I help you?" The radio Dj answers. I'd recognize his voice anywhere.

"Hi, this is Yolanda Glenmore's PA. Jahzara Gilmore. I got a message stating she was rescheduled?" Clutching unto the phone tightly, I watch as Jeremy strolls into the living room only clad in boxers. Smiling at him, he struts over and places a light kiss on my lips, before he disappears somewhere into the kitchen.

"Yes Miss Gilmore how are you? I'm sorry about the inconvenience. We overbooked and since Yolanda will be here for another week, we've scheduled for next week Friday. Is that good? It's the day before the VMA's." He asks hopefully.

"That's fine. I'll inform her of the change. But it's going to be tight. Thank you though." I add, rubbing at my stomach. I'm hungry. I need something to eat. I can hear it growling. I'm wondering if Joel can hear over the phone.

"Ok, Bye Miss Gilmore. It's been nice talking to you." He states and I can almost see his grin over the phone.

"You too. Bye Joel." Hanging up, I rest back in my seat sighing heavily.

It's been the longest weeks of my life. I'm drained. I've been up and down with Yolanda, from studio recordings, to dance rehearsals, to interviews to photo shoots. Her schedule is becoming really hectic. Everyone is looking to book her. But thank god for Johnny. His training is coming in handy on how to deal with these people and choose the best work for Yolanda. Plus, I can call him when I'm stuck. I have a few times over the last few weeks. Everything has been going smooth. Jeremy and I are getting to know each other better. I guess we just needed to spend some time together. He is really amazing. Sometimes I think he's too good to be true and I'm just looking for the fault in him but I find none. But it's still too early to tell. We'll see what happens.

In just two months my life has changed drastically. Who would have thought? You'd think I have it all right? A wonderful career, a loving boyfriend who does so much for me, and a brother who supports me in everything I do. Malcolm is more excited than me about my new found profession. I think it's because he's going to use me to meet his favorite celebrities. I wouldn't put it past him. He's a nut. But I love him to death. Giggling to myself I hear my stomach growl again. I really should eat. I feel for a Twix though. It's not the ideal meal but Justin's home always had Twix. When he found out I liked it so much he added it to his shopping list. It's the little things like that, that won't let me forget him and how he hurt me.

I don't have it all. I really don't. I should be happy but I'm not. I miss Justin. Can you believe I haven't seen him in two weeks? I've gone from seeing him almost everyday for over a year, almost two since I started working for him, to not seeing him for two whole weeks. I'm Justin deprived and I don't care who knows it. That man will certainly be the death of me. I have no doubt about that. Even after everything that's happened between us I still miss him. I still feel like I need him there with me. I miss him calling me ‘berry'. It always made me feel special that it was his private, personal nickname for me. I think he's avoiding me. I mean, I've seen Trace, Mike, Lonnie, Yolanda...everyone but him. Whenever I'd ask for him, they'd make up some bullshit story about him being busy or preoccupied. Yeah right.

Standing from my seat, I go into the kitchen in search of Jeremy. He's sitting up on his marbled island munching on a bowl of cereal. Justin loves cereal. There is never a morning when he's not munching on some kind of cereal. God, I'm so stupid. I can't keep torturing myself like this. I have Jeremy. I care about him a lot. I don't want to hurt him. I'm not sure if I love him just yet, but it could happen. I just need to be focused and stop letting my mind stray. But how? How do I do that?

"Hey Jer! What's going on?" Standing between his legs, I try to steal from his cereal but he yanks the bowl and spoon away.

"Hey get your own girl!" He chuckles, causing me to smile brightly at him.

"I just want one bite." I reply innocently.

"Oh no. The last time I allowed that you ate the entire thing!" He states with big eyes.

"It was just one time." I retort, laughing loudly.

"Well one too many thank you very much." He sticks his tongue out at me and I do the same back to him. Who would have thought he was this childish? I love it.

"Whatever muscle man." I tap his shoulder lightly and he shrugs.

"Uh huh. So, I overheard you on the phone about Yolanda's interview." He begins.

"It's cancelled." I nod my head at him.

"Cool, so what do you want to do today? Surfing or..."

"Oh hell no!" I snicker. "I'm done with surfing. I know! How about we invite the whole gang out to the movies or something?" I suggest.

"Na, paparazzi will mob Justin and Yolanda and Trace and maybe even you. I can't allow that to happen. Not until they higher Yolanda's new bodyguards." He replies protectively. Aww, he's so sweet.

"Ok, then let's have a movie night then. I love those things." I beam, remembering my traditional movie nights with Malcolm. I miss those times. I can't wait to go home and see him.

"Sure. Do you want to do it by me, or would you prefer head over to Justin's? We can call him to make plans once he's not busy."

"Justin's" I quickly reply. It would give me a chance to see him after all this time. I know if we had it here Justin would find a reason to not come. He really is stubborn. But I still miss him though.

"Fine, I'm going to take a shower so you and I can head out shopping for the day. We'll go over there tonight. Oh and the invitation to join me in the shower is on the table." He winks at me, wriggling his eyebrows and I just laugh out loud, before he disappears up the stairs.

He's a tease. He really is. And have I mentioned how amazing the man is in bed? It finally happened last night. I know you're thinking how could I? But, god, I was on cloud nine. His touch, his kisses, everything was amazing. He filled me up just right and...and shit, I haven't been laid in ages. I had an orgasm almost instantly. It was perfect. I think I'm glowing too. But anyway, I better call them up to make the plans for later.

Skipping over to my phone, I pause when I feel my tummy ache. "I need to eat something." I voice out loud, but zone out when my phone begins to ring.

Grabbing the item off the table I flip it open already knowing who's on the line.

"Tracey-poo!" I smile brightly.

"Hey girl, what's up? Just checking up on you." He replies.

"Oh I'm doing great. Yolanda's interview was cancelled though." I lament.

"So I've heard. The radio station called her to apologize." He informs.

"That's good. I rescheduled her for next week."

"Ok. So what are you doing today?" He asks.

Grinning like a clown I rest my back against a nearby wall. "Funny you should ask me that. I was just talking to Jer and getting ready to call you..."

****

Mallory is gone. I can't believe she's really gone. Those two weeks flew by in a hurry. She's been gone for almost a week now. I actually miss her. I don't know why really. I can't stand her most of the times. I think I'm craving attention. I finally got my shit together and told Jessica we couldn't do this anymore. I'm through with the messing around. It's weighing me down. My mind is jumbled and it's affecting my work. But, Jessica cried. She cried like she did when we first broke up. And I felt terrible because of it. She accused me of being cold-hearted and not caring about her feelings. But what about my feelings? Huh? I hate women. I'm really beginning to dislike them. I think I need a shrink. This can't continue.

Most of all I hate myself. I've been an idiot. I let go the one woman who had enough of an effect on me to actually make me tear. I can't face her. What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey berry what's up and how's it hanging with ‘gym boy'? Yeah sure, when donkeys grow wings and fly. But I miss her. I miss her laugh, and her smile and her whining and her annoying nail habit. I miss her mood swings and the way she's always telling me I'm full of shit. Most of all I miss her kiss, and her touch, and the way we fit so perfectly together. I just want my berry back. I want to make things right with her. We can't do this and she's going to be working with me. I'm such a pussy I can't even face her. But I need her. I'm going insane not being able to touch her or see her or feel her. I'm so stupid. I should have never let all this happen.

I should have just told her how I felt...how I still feel. But it's strange. It's odd because I can't solidify my feelings. They're a mess and so am I. Now I'm miserable over Zara and that's never happened to me before. Ok, well it has in past relationships, but you see what I'm saying? They were all relationships! Zara and I didn't even get that far! And I'm moping around like we broke up or something. How is that normal? It's not. It really isn't. I haven't seen her in two damn weeks! This is some fucked up karma man.

"Dude, are you busy later?" Trace walks into the living room where I've been sitting watching a blank television screen for the past hour or so.

"Does it look like I'm busy?" I chortle and he arches his brows at me skeptically.

"Listen. We're having a movie night over here later. You up for it? I've invited a few people." He explains and I shrug, uncaring of what ever plans he's made.

"Do whatever man. I'll be here." I reply solemnly.

"Cool." He turns to leave but I stop him.

"Wait a minute. What movie are we watching and who did you invite?" I enquire. If I know Trace well enough, Jahzara and Jeremy are coming and I can't have that. How would I deal with them...with her?

"Don't know what movie yet...we'll figure it out. And, just a few peeps man. Oh and did you know JC is in town?" He informs and my ears instantly perk up. Oh you're not changing the topic you sneaky midget. But I'll entertain him for now.

"Really."

"Yup, he just called a few minutes ago. I told him to come over too."

"That's cool. It would be nice to see Josh again." I push back in my seat, grabbing the remote to search for a basketball game. I need to clear my mind a bit.

"Alright. Well, I'm out. I'm going to head down to the dance rehearsal halls with Yolanda. I'm bored. I can't stay here. Besides, I get a kick out of watching Marty yell at her." Trace snickers and I laugh heartily. Marty can really be something when he's all serious.

"Have fun man. I'll see you later....oh and Trace?" I call out to him.

"Yeah?"

Slowly turning my head to lock eyes with him I note the uncertainly shining through his orbs. "I know Zara is going to be there. It's cool though." I add casually, finally flipping on the television. But it's not cool at all. I'm kind of nervous about seeing her. What would I say to her? I don't even know.

"Just...don't do or say anything else you'll regret ok?" He explains. "I'm out." He says, exiting the room and disappearing god knows where.

Waving him and his advice off, I flip through the stations landing on MTV. Just fantastic. I wonder who they're doing a segment on...I'm betting it's me.

Seeing my face on the right side of the screen justifies my suspicions.

‘Welcome back to MTV's news brief. I'm your host Suchin Park with updates on your favorite celebrities...'

Groaning and ready to change the channel, I stop when I notice a picture of Zara and me flash on the screen. "What the hell?" Turning up the volume, I listen intently at the news brief.

‘It has been rumored that famous celebrity superstar Justin Timberlake is actually having an affair with one of his workers employed with his label Tennman records who just happens to be Yolanda Glenmore's PA. Yolanda is a new artist sighed to his label whose single hit number one two weeks ago and her PA is none other than Jahzara Gilmore. It has been rumored that the pair have been spotted about in LA and there are also rumors of photos that show the two kissing in a stadium's parking lot after a Lakers game in LA. No photos have surfaced yet to prove this rumor true. It is suggested that two friends have been battling with each other on handing the photos over to the tabloids. One was adamant on exposing Justin's personal affairs when the other vouched against it. Hopefully, this will all be cleared up and soon....And in other news...'

Instantly flipping the channel I bow my head in thought. "Holy...holy shit. Oh god, please don't let them bug Zara about this. She'd never survive it." I mutter in shock. I knew this shit would come back to hit us. I really hope no one troubles her about this. The paps and the media are crucial to deal with. I'm betting Johnny will be calling soon. He hates when my name gets mixed up in these types of drama.

Knowing I'm going to have to talk to berry later about this when they come over is not my ideal plan but, I don't have a choice. She needs to be warned and take caution to not say anything.

Still channel surfing I finally land on a past Lakers game. Ok, I can handle this. I'm just going to laze about here whole day like a bum who's got nothing better to do with his life. It's a relief from the normal routine. Yeah, some Justin time is just what I need to cleanse the spirit.

****

Late Night...hours later...at Justin's home

I'm nervous about seeing Justin again. I'm not sure how or what he's going to say to me. I miss him so much. I don't want us to fight. I've been thinking about him the entire day. I know it's unfair to Jeremy, but the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to wonder if I made the right choice. I mean, shouldn't you be with the man that curls your toes and sets every inch of your body on fire? Justin does that to me whenever we're too close to each other. Jeremy is just...well...he's safe. I know he cares, but he's not dangerous and spontaneous like Justin. I care for the man, but I know for a fact I'm not in love with him. If I was, Justin wouldn't consume my thoughts in that way. But Justin hurt me so much already. I'm not sure I can withstand anymore of his harsh words. I just wish he'd make things easier for me by being honest. It seems really hard for him to be straight forward with me and I can't understand why.

"Come on babe." Jeremy grips my arms tightly, as we walk up the familiar stairs to Justin's front door. Trace buzzed us in moments earlier, stating that Justin was in the shower and that their other friends where already there. When I said the gang could hang out, I meant everyone I knew. But now, I'm nervous and on the verge of pulling into myself. I don't like meeting new people. I've said this before. I hate the fact that they always size me up and judge me even before they know me.

"Relax baby. You'll be fine. Don't worry about it." Jeremy squeezes my hand for support and I give him a tight smile before he rings the doorbell. That's one thing about him I love. It's like we're in sync with each other. He seems to read my mind or know how I'm feeling when I don't even voice it.

Seconds later the door swings open and we're greeted by...

"Justin! What's up my man?" Jeremy asks, letting go of my hand to give him one of those manly handshakes. "No hard feelings alright." Jeremy adds and Justin nods in response, his eyes fixated on me.

Oh no, I really want to run for the hills right now. Justin's practically undressing me with his stare. And he's standing there shirtless, in three-quarter khaki pants where you can see the waist band of his black Calvin Klein boxers. His pants are hung so low around his waist that his pelvic lining is visible and it trails all the way down to his private area. Oh my god, I can't breathe. He's gorgeous. His torso and arms aren't too muscular but the muscle outlining is perfectly defined. Plus, it looks like his hair is growing out a bit. There are barely there, tiny curls at the end. He's so adorable, and he's just staring at me interestingly with an amused sparkle in his eyes. Oh no, I think I just got caught checking him out. Damn, I can feel my face reddening by the second...

"Yeah man. It's cool Jeremy. And, I'm doing good. Come in..." Justin finally smiles for Jeremy, stepping aside so we can enter. When we get inside, Jeremy lets us know that he's in serious need of a drink and disappears into the kitchen.

No! Don't leave me alone with Justin! You stupid idiot! Why is my boyfriend so clueless all the time? That can't be right. I think that's a fault in him. He needs to be more alert.

I instantly tense and my breath lodges in my throat when I feel Justin walk up to me from behind. He's not touching me, but I can feel his body heat. Shit, I might just melt if I'm not careful this time.

"You look beautiful berry..." He whispers in my ears causing me to shut my eyes from his warm breath on my skin. "I've missed you...and I'm sorry." He adds before pulling away.

Too caught up to speak, I nod appreciatively. A short jeans skirt and blue halter top I think is plain and casual, but since he likes it, I guess it's ok.

Turning around to face him I smile widely. "Good to see you again Ju."

"You too." He smiles, lifting his hands to throw a white t-shirt over his head. No, don't do that! I was enjoying my view. I didn't even notice he had the shirt before. I was too engrossed with how his muscles flexed and relaxed when he'd breathe, talk or move.

I whimper slightly with disappointment that he's now fully clothed causing him to eye me strangely.

"Are you ok berry?" he asks concerned.

"Huh?"

"It never gets old." He chuckles, before he grabs unto my arm.

"What never gets old?" I ask curiously, as he leads me to the living room where I can hear a ton of chattering.

"Your ‘huh' and lost expression when someone catches you off guard because you're daydreaming."

"Oh..." I blush.

Turning to look at me he just shakes his head with a goofy grin on his face. "I wish you'd tell me why you're always so spaced out. I'd really love to know."

What? Tell him? He must be crazy. He wouldn't believe he was the reason even if I did tell him. "Oh no. That's for me to know and you to never find out." I giggle.

"Fine. But I'm sure you'll tell me eventually. I can wait." He replies confidently just as we set foot into the living room and everyone comes into view.

My smile is instantly wiped off my face when I notice the amount of persons hanging around. Well, I know most of them, but some I don't know.

"Ok guys, this is Yolanda's PA Jahzara." Justin introduces me and I receive a series of ‘hi's' and ‘hellos'. "And Zara, you know most of them." Justin begins, leading me further into the room. "You know Mike and Lonnie of course. You know Yolanda. That would be bad if you didn't know her." He says, causing everyone to laugh. Yolanda tells me a quick hello before Justin continues his introductions.

"You know your Tracey-poo." Justin snickers, when Trace gives him a death glare and I try to stifle my laugh, because other people are laughing too. "Anyway, this is Elisha, Trace's friend. She used to be his fiancé but shit happens. They finally reconciled their friendship after hating each other..." Justin trials off when both Elisha and Trace shoot him death glares. "Ok, ok, moving on. This is my dear cousin Rachel. You finally get to meet her." I tell his cousin hi, before he continues to pull me around the room, just as I notice Jeremy enter. He waves to me and takes a seat next to Lonnie, sipping on some beer. Men.

"Ok, this is my good bud who happens to be in town for the VMA's next weekend. This is Joshua Chasez, also known as JC from our boy band days." Justin grins for him and I tense up. Oh my god. Oh my freaking god! It's JC! JC! Holy mother of wow!

JC gives me a cute smile and I think I just blanked out. I know there must be a weird dreamy expression on my face right now.

"Oh my god!" I gasp, letting go of Justin's hand and walking over to JC. "I love you. I seriously love you. Marry me." I joke, and I hear everyone crack up. Ok, so I'm a little star struck. Sue me. I mean it's fucking JC! He was my favorite. I remembered seeing him at Justin's cook out some time back. But I didn't get to meet him. But I'm meeting him now and this is one of the best days of my life!

"Uh, it's nice to meet you too." JC says a bit nervously. I can see his pleading eyes with Justin, before I feel myself being pulled away.

"She...she's just in awe. She'll need to learn how to deal with meeting famous people." Justin tries to reason but JC just chuckles. And what a sexy chuckle that was.

"It's cool. I though that was cute." JC winks at me and I sigh with contentment.

"I seriously love you. You were my favorite back in the day. Your voice is just..." I'm cut off when I realize I'm being dragged away rapidly. "I'll be back! We should talk!" I yell out as Justin continues to manhandle me. He needs to let me go so I can plan how many children JC and I will have. Damn it!

"We're just going to get some drinks. Go ahead and start the movie." Justin voices to everyone, still hauling me away.

Looking over at Jer, he has an amused face, shaking his head at me before he diverts his attention somewhere else. Ok, I've heard about boyfriends and girlfriends giving each other space. But whenever we are out, Jeremy gives me too much space. I know it sounds messed up, but he's just always preoccupied with something or someone else! Ok, that's another fault in him. I'm on a roll now.

Finally getting into Justin's kitchen he lets me go and stalks over to the refrigerator with a grunt.

"What is your deal?" I ask defensively while crossing my hands over my chest.

"You didn't have to say all what you said in there. I mean what would your precious Jer think?" He snaps at me, pulling out a bottle of scotch. I know for a fact Jeremy didn't care because he knew I was only star struck.

As I'm about to make a smart comment, Justin looks directly at me and I notice the hurt in his eyes. He's not talking about Jeremy at all is he?

"Oh my god. Justin, did I hurt you when I said JC was my favorite?" Way to go Zara. I was so struck I forgot he formed part of their group too all those years ago. "I'm so sorry I didn't...I wasn't thinking..."

"No, just forget about it. What do you want to drink?" he inquires, grabbing a glass and some ice before he pours some scotch into his glass.

I feel bad. I know he must have taken my outburst to heart. "Ju..." I walk up to him and touch his shoulders lightly. Taking in a deep breath, he gulps some of the strong substance down, grimacing a bit. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it." I admit.

"I know, I know. It just. Well I still felt kind of bad you know?" He turns to face me with a shy smile on his face. Again, he's too adorable for words.

"You shouldn't." I respond. "You know I was just star struck."

"I know, but shit, I was right there berry. You asked my friend to marry you!" He states with a large grin on his face.

"HA! You're so full of shit Justin." I giggle causing him to laugh as well.

"I've missed hearing you say that." He divulges, then we grow serious again.

"Were you avoiding me? I haven't seen you in two weeks." I know there is a sad expression on my face, because he's searching my eyes trying to understand why I maybe care, considering I was the one who left.

"I thought that's what you wanted. To be away from me. I figured not seeing me would make things easier for you to deal with and sort out." Taking another large gulp, he places the half empty glass down. "Besides, I don't want to cause any problems with you and ‘gym boy'...I mean, Jeremy." Justin smiles sheepishly.

‘Gym boy' eh? Well I guess it suits him...but whatever. "I thought so too but I'm not so sure anymore." I explain seeing his eyes light up.

"Oh?"

Sighing, I rub my hands together. How do I tell him? How do I tell him that he's successfully latched unto my thoughts and feelings and there is no getting rid of him? How do I explain my feelings towards him when I'm not sure what they are exactly? I don't want to hurt Jer. But not seeing Justin for a simple two weeks drove me up the wall. But Jeremy is safe. He's what I need. I need to not get hurt. I wouldn't survive heartbreak again in my life. I'm afraid Justin will hurt me again. I mean he has so many times already you know? Even if it wasn't intentional or his fault, he's just so unpredictable. I've had terrible past experiences. That's why Malcolm is so protective of me. I'm not confused anymore though. I just can't decided or figure out the best route to take here.

"Listen Justin. I'm going to be blunt because there is no other way I know how to phrase this." Pausing, he's just looking at me blankly. Inhaling deeply, I figure it's now or never right? Even though I might regret this in the long run. "I, well I don't know why, when, or how it happened but I think, no, I know I have..."

"Stop..." He interrupts me.

"What?" I ask incredulously. Are you kidding me? I need to get this out now before I chicken out.

"Don't say it. Don't make things more complicated."

"Nothing is complicated..."

"Listen Zara. I know what you're going to say. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't waiting and hoping for that day to come where we are completely honest with each other. But, now is a bad time. Because I'm afraid of what I might do if you admit how you feel about me." Taking a few steps back he turns and opens the sliding glass doors walking out and leaving me in the kitchen. Wow, what the fuck just happened? What is wrong with him? We're finally getting along again. Why does he always do this?

Following him outside, I find him sitting by the pool on one of the lounge chairs. Taking a seat next to him, I gain all my courage and self-confidence I have left to nudge him on the side.

"Ok Justin. Explain to me what is going on with you. You're acting weird." I state.

****

Looking over at her I can feel my heart skip a beat. I don't know what's happening to me but I actually...like it. And It's scaring the shit out of me. I don't like not being able to control my emotions. I also don't want to make anything more serious than it already is. I've been avoiding her and keeping my self-control on the notion that she hates me. If she kills that by saying she has some sort of serious feelings for me, then all my will power will be tossed to the wind. And I can't do that. I can't make her life crazier that it already is. She wouldn't be able to deal with it. Especially now that the public is questioning what type of relationship we have with each other. I need to tell her though...

"Well..." I trail off, becoming mesmerized by the small ripples in my pool. The water is clear and it's warm out tonight. Thinking back to the last time Zara and I were out by a pool I laugh out loud.

"What? What's so funny?" She enquires and I realize I'm keeping her in the dark.

"I was just remembering the last time we were out by my pool in Florida at my cookout. You pulled me in with all my clothes on!" I chuckle, hearing her giggle a bit.

"It was fun." She admits and I shake my head in agreement.

"It was."

"Yeah."

"But you need to buy back my shirt you ruined by doing that." I remember.

"Are you serious?" She widens her eyes are me, rolling them in the process.

"Like a heart attack. It was my favorite shit!" I defend.

"Fine whatever." She slaps my shoulders playfully and lies down next to me. "They are going to come looking for us if we don't get back inside." She adds, but makes herself more comfortable in my arms with no intention of getting up.

Snaking my arms around her waist I ignore her last statement as my mind begins to wonder again. "It was the first time we kissed too." I whisper, bending my head to look at her. She's staring off into the distance but I know she heard me.

"Yeah it was. Tell me what's going on Justin." She sighs, using her hand to move my shirt halfway up my stomach. Placing her palms on my bare torso, I shut my eyes tightly as she begins tracing patterns up and down my stomach. Have I mentioned how much I love her touch? It's so delicate and smooth and even through her touch I can sense her shyness. It's cute.

"Well, I just saw a news brief this afternoon on MTV about us kissing in the stadium parking lot after the Lakers game we went to. Two friends supposedly took out pictures of us when that was happening but they're fighting over the photos because one wants them published and the other doesn't." I push out through deep breaths. Shit, she's driving me insane. She needs to stop touching me like that.

"Ok..."

"Ok? That's all?" When I look down I notice that she's staring right back at me.

"It's no big deal Justin. I'm not afraid or anything. I can handle it."

"No Zara. No you can't. They'll eat you alive. This is Hollywood we're talking about. Those people are callous. They don't give a shit and would do anything for a story." Is she in her right mind? She looks kind of dazed...as usual.

"Yeah well story of my life." She retorts, cuddling up next to me.

"Don't say that. Why do you always bring down yourself like that? And if it's any consolation, I spoke to Johnny and he's going to try and find out who the owners of those photos are so they can negotiate on some common ground. So don't worry about it ok?" I assure, snaking my hands through her thick curly locks.

"I was never worried. I trust you." She coos and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach. She trusts me? After everything I've said to her and put her through she trusts me? Why?

"Listen berry..."

"Justin just stop. I know what we've been through was fucked up. But I'm turning over a new leaf and so should you. Now I don't care anymore; I'm not scared anymore and there are no doubts anymore." She seats up to face me and I place my hands behind my head as I look up at her. God, she's cute. She really is. She's so cute but...but...hold on a minute. I'm examining her intently and she seems different. Something is different. Why haven't I noticed it before? Her eyes! It's in her eyes. They look tired and weary. They look dull and lacking the zest of life.

"Are you ok berry?" I ask out of concern. She just doesn't seem right to me all of a sudden.

"I'm fine. But what I'm trying to get out before you stopped me earlier is...well...I have feelings for you Justin. I mean, I was always attracted to you before you know? But not seeing you for two weeks on a stretch made me realize that whatever feelings these are go deeper than a simple physical attraction. And I feel horrible, because I don't want to hurt Jeremy. I know what that feels like. It's awful and I never want to put someone through that. But I can't ‘not' be around you. I can't ‘not' kiss you. I can't ‘not' want to touch you or feel you or...Shit!" She hisses, standing and walking away from me.

I'm shocked. I'm stunned. I'm...well...I'm kind of happy. No scratch that. I'm ecstatic. I know I am, because I'm grinning like a moron. I can't believe she just admitted that. Jumping up, I follow her to where she's pacing.

"Berry..."

"I mean damn it Justin! We are so unhealthy for each other but then I like it. I can't get enough of you. It's screwing with my mind, but at the same time I love it! It's wrong, but still right. I don't want to break up with Jeremy but I just...I want you too! That makes me a bitch but I don't care. I don't care! Why don't I care? I don't want to hurt him but...but..."

"Berry just shut up." I laugh at her and her babbling. Gripping her tightly around the waist, I pull her close to me.

"Listen to me. Are you listening?" She nods her head in response urging me to continue. "Ok. Now my admission in all of this is...I honestly and whole heartedly feel the same way."

"You...you do?" She asks me wide eyed and I place my finger on her lips to shut her up.

"Yeah I do." I smile. "And it's driving me insane too because I know us being together isn't exactly an option right now. It would cause too many problems and controversy for us and the people around us. Yolanda can't handle that type of publicity right now. We need to keep her as clean as possible." I explain and Zara agrees with me.

"You're right." She lets out a soft moan.

"Damn it berry, don't do this to me. Please just...understand ok? I swear I have feelings for you too. I honestly do. That's why I've been such a jerk. I've been fighting them. But I can't anymore. Trace was right...he seems to always be right. I don't know who he is anymore. He turned all smart and wise on me all of a sudden." I jape and Zara laughs in the process.

"That's my Tracey-poo." She beams.

"Ok, whatever, but, I just...I don't know how or what we're going to do about this. I can't keep my feelings for you bottled up inside berry. I'm so sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. But not being around you for those two weeks fucked me up royally too. I agree that this is unhealthy."

"So what do we do?" She's looking to me for the answers but I don't have them. I just want to feel her right now. I just want her to be mine. This is so fucked up.

"I, I don't know."

"Do you want me Justin?" She enquires, her pretty hazels turning shades darker into a deep brown. Wow where did that come from? I think she just morphed into someone else.

"More than anything. You have no fucking idea the amount of self-control I have when I'm around you." I grunt, resting our foreheads together and breathing deeply. I can't believe this is happening right now. It's surreal.

"I know. I...well...I want you too." She coos, blushing in the process.

"Aww, that's cute." I tease her. She's so shy and reserved all the time. I like it. But if given the chance I'd probably spoil her.

"Whatever."

"So..." but she cuts me off.

"Damn it Justin! I really don't care right now just..." Drifting off, she lifts her head planting her lips firmly on mine. Ok, so I'm a little taken aback, but not enough to prevent me from responding almost instantly. This kiss is different though. There's a mutual understanding between us and the desire I think just intensified. Damn I've missed her. I really have. She's really someone special. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out.

Keeping her glued to my chest, I push her back into a nearby wall. Her hands are in my hair massaging my scalp as my own hands roam over her sides while we continue to kiss deeply with tongues intertwined and breathing heavily. Letting out a throaty groan when she licks the bottom of my lips, I lift my hands to trace a pattern down her sides to her waist, craving to relish in the feel of her curves.

But, suddenly I frown.

I grip her waist tightly feeling her shudder against me letting out a light moan, but the frown is still on my face.

Forcefully breaking our lip-lock despite her protest, I watch as she flutters her eyes open staring at me meekly. Licking at my swollen lips, I quickly regain my normal breathing patterns.

"What's wrong?" She pants out, but I think I'm still frowning because she's glaring now.

"Zara...have you been eating?" I know this is a sensitive subject and I watch in slow motion as her defenses go up, but it needs to be said.

"Of course Justin. What type of question is that?" She snaps.

Pushing away from her, I take a moment to study her frame closely. She's lying to me. I don't like when people lie to me. She looks smaller from the last time I saw her. She really does. I'm only now realizing it. "You're lying berry. You look like you've lost weight." I explain.

"Wow! And that is a bad thing how? Are you serious?" Placing her hands on her hips in attitude she turns her head away from me.

"It's not bad. But it's really obvious and I only saw you two weeks ago. I'm thinking that's not enough time for it to visibly show like that." I reason.

"Oh my god. Would you make up your mind? First I'm too fat. Now I'm losing weight too quickly? What's your deal Justin?"

"I don't have a deal. I'm just saying you look kind of...sick." I squint at her. She does look kind of sickly. I wonder if Jeremy's noticed. He should, he's her boyfriend. But he won't be for long if I can help it. I'm not the type that likes to share. If I'm going to have her she has to be all mines and no one else's. I'm selfish when it comes to matters of the heart and I'll always remain that way.

"Well I feel fine. I've just been exercising a lot and eating healthy. I usually work out with Jer so just drop it."

"Ok fine. Whatever." I know I'm not going to get anywhere with her on this. That doesn't mean I'm not still worried. I know it's dangerous to loose large amounts of weight rapidly. I mean, she's still thick and voluptuous, but I could feel the change in how defined her curves were when I touched her.

"Let's get back to the movie night ok? We've been out here long enough. People will start to get suspicious." Zara says, gripping my hands tightly and leading us back through the glass doors, through the kitchen and into the living room.

When we return, I notice all the lights are off and everyone is engrossed in the movie they're watching. Letting go of my hand, Zara walks over to Jeremy taking a seat next to him and I watch as he kisses her forehead but keeps his eyes on the screen. Narrowing my eyes at them, I plop down next to Trace in a light grunt.

"What's up dude?" He asks, entranced by the television screen.

"Nothing." I state dejectedly.

"I had to cover for you and Z when Jeremy was asking for her. Are you two nice again? Did you settle everything?" He whispers to me as I gaze at the various faces in the room. What has them all so captured anyway? Looking at the screen I realize it's Rush Hour 3 playing. I could have sworn Zara told me she saw it already on her traditional movie nights with Malcolm.

"We're cool." I whisper back to Trace, darting my eyes over to Zara only to find her looking in my direction. My mouth immediately curls into a bright grin and she smiles back at me as her eyes reflect the glow coming from the television screen. Giving me a cute shrug she turns back to the screen, instantly cracking up at something Chris Tucker said.

I can't sit here and watch this movie now! Not when I know how Zara feels about me. I wish I could just take her away somewhere so we could be together without anyone having to find out. Then it dawns on me. My vacation! I could take her with me. I could make up an excuse why she has to come. It's perfect. I'm definitely going to look into that when we get back to Florida next week. But for now, I have patience. Jeremy should enjoy what little time he has left with her. I honestly don't care if it breaks his heart or not. He's too clueless anyway. I may sound terrible, but I'm pretty sure Zara doesn't pull at his heart strings the way she does with mine. She's seriously got an infectious melody going that's trapped me under her spell...

And Trace just ruined my thoughts with his annoying voice yet again...

"I saw that look you all just gave each other. You two are really something man. But you're asking for trouble...but I'm happy you finally told her how you feel." Trace smiles and I can see his white teeth even in the darkness. How does he know these things? Is he psychic and never told me? I know what he's saying but I don't care. The cheesy grin on my face won't go away. Even JC notices it, because he does a double take giving me a questionable glare. But you know what? For the first time, I really don't care.

She's my strawberry. She'll be mine. I have no doubt that she will. And knowing that is enough to give me the patience I need to wait. But I won't hear the end of it if I justify Trace's suspicions. So, I'm not going to admit to him about everything just yet. Locking eyes with my best friend I smirk. "Well man, I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

And I smile.

And he laughs.

And just like that, the silence takes over.

****

Quote by: Unknown

6 days later...Friday...

Day before VMA's...

At Justin's...

Strawberry

"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart. Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of; love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

"Explain to me again how you're going to pull this off without anyone finding out."

Glancing over at Trace, I groan from irritation.

"Trace I've told you a million times, I've got it locked down. So don't worry." I reply, running my hands through my growing hair.

"Well, if you asked me, and I know you didn't, but if you did ask, I'd say you're crazy and looking for trouble." JC adds.

Furrowing my eyes at him I smirk. "I didn't ask you Jace. Just because you've been here for the past few days chilling before the VMA's and I've told you what's going on, doesn't mean..." But Trace cuts me off.

"Justin. We are just trying to be good friends here. Bringing Zar-bear with you on your vacation as some private rendezvous is going to backfire. I can feel it. You haven't even asked her yet man. Why doesn't she just break up with Jeremy? You explained you two were feeling each other. So do it the right way and don't sneak around behind people's backs." He reasons. I'm at my wits end with these two. They've been lecturing me for the past how many minutes.

"Trace I've told you why a million times. She can't break up with Jeremy. Besides, I don't want her to. Not yet at least. I mean, the public is on our backs because of those rumored photos you know? Zara can't deal with that type of exposure. I know her. It will destroy her. We can't be together. You know how it goes, with the whole profession, our careers and just everything man. Everything is bad timing. We can't do that to Yolanda either. If we're both in different relationships, the public will lay off a bit. It won't be like that forever. I'm not sure how well I can cope with her and Jeremy together. I want us to be legit, but you know Zara has self issues. I can't put her through that." I try to explain but JC is just shaking his head at me and Trace rolls his eyes at me.

"Ok Justin. We understand your motives here. You're trying to protect each other, your careers and Yolanda. But, dude if this gets out it will do ten times more damage. What about Mallory? I thought you said she's your girlfriend now." Trace stands to face me and I grimace a bit. I forgot about that slight detail.

"I only did that when I thought Zara wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I just wanted attention..."

"And now?" He probes.

"And now things are different. Besides, it's not serious with Mallory." I try to convince him.

"It's serious to her Justin. Damn it. You and Zara are fucked up. I can't believe you're willing to hurt these people just so you can be together. How selfish is that?" Trace retorts.

Before I can respond JC interjects. "It's not selfish Trace. They're in love. People do crazy shit to be together when they're in love." Josh supplies and I can't help but laugh in his face. Love? I haven't been in love for a long time now. I've been hurt too many times to put my heart on the line like that again. It's not that simple. No, berry and I like each other. It's the attraction that's fueling our desire, not love.

"Na man. It's not love." I tell JC but he just smiles at me.

"Not yet maybe. But give it time man." He says and I frown. Me? In love with Zara? She...she's not even my type. She's far from it in fact. Ok, so opposites attract, but what kind of life or relationship would we have? People are always going to look down on us and judge us. I'm not sure I'm willing to deal with that.

"Whatever..." I snap before I hear my door bell ring. Talk about save by the bell. I was beginning to get annoyed by this conversation. I'm a little curious as to who is ringing my front door though. That's not possible unless they got past the estate gates, and very few persons know the code. Excusing myself, I leave Trace and JC in my living room and amble to the front door.

Before I can get to the door, Buckley and Brennan come running, nearly tripping me over in the process. Laughing, I bend down to pet them briefly.

"Hey guys, be good ok? Daddy's going to answer the door. No attacking daddy's guest." I warn, and I'm sure in their way they understand me. Brennan whimpers licking me a few times before Buckley leads them away.

Standing up straight, I brush my hands against my gym shorts before I swing the door open.

"Berry?" I ask stunned a bit. Well I know she has the code for the gates so that mystery is solved. But, what is she doing standing on my door step? Isn't she supposed to be at Yolanda's radio interview with her? I know it's scheduled for today. Glancing over her shoulder I see no sign of transportation. How did she even get here and where's her precious ‘gym boy'? "What are you doing here?" I inquire.

Lifting her head to look at me I notice the tear stains on her cheek. What the hell happened to her? "I...I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" She chokes out.

"No. I was just chilling with the guys, come in." I step aside to let her in still a bit perplexed. Shutting the door, I take in her form. Why is it that every time I see her she looks sick? Something is going on with her that she's not telling me about.

When we make our way into the living room, I notice the expressions on Trace and Josh's face. They instantly tell her hi and excuse themselves to another part of the house. I could see the shock on her face when she noticed JC, but she didn't react to him in any way like she did when she met him a few days ago. Ok, this is Zara. I'm surprised she didn't jump him considering how much she ‘loves' him. Something is definitely wrong with her.

Ushering her to take a seat, I turn to look at her closely. Her head is down and she's fiddling with her nails...again. I'm starting to get used to it though. "Berry..."

"Before you say anything Justin I'm letting you know that, Yolanda is at her interview now with some of your other bodyguards so she's safe. When she's done, she'll be heading down to the rehearsal halls to prepare for her performance tomorrow night at the VMA's. I called a cab to drop me here because I wasn't sure if you'd be home or what and I needed to see you." She explains.

Rubbing my forehead I sigh heavily. "Ok, but you could have called me to come get you or have Jeremy bring you." I suggest noticing her scowl.

"I don't want that jerk to bring me anywhere." She snaps, locking eyes with me. Ah, so this is about gym boy. I should have known. "He's not even home." She adds sadly.

"What's wrong berry?" I touch her leg lightly and she instantly shrugs her shoulders.

"We had a fight." She explains and I can feel the instant nausea taking over. That's it? I'm not a fucking babysitter or counselor. Why did she come here of all places? I really don't care to know about her and Jeremy. I'm already having a hard time coping with the entire situation.

"Uh...ok...."

"About you Justin."

Wow, I wasn't expecting that.

"What about me?" I ask.

"He, well, he doesn't want me to take the extra job to work for you because he thinks we'll be spending enough time together as it is. He still thinks we don't fully get along, but he's kind of questioning how we are with each other."

"And you said?" I probe, signaling my hands for her to continue. This could work in my favor. I know that sounds bad, but hey, he has no idea that pissing her off is just bringing her right to me.

"I told him I didn't have a choice."

"Yes you do have a choice. I mean, I know what he's saying berry. There'll be times when Yolanda won't be around at all and it will just be you and me if you're going to be my assistant." I explain, but frown when I see a smile play on her face. Oh, now I get it. She really doesn't care does she? So why was she crying? Grinning back at her, I shake my head in amusement. "Ok Zara. I get it. I kind of feel bad for the guy now. You're conniving. So why were you crying?"

"Well, while I was on my way over here I was thinking about everything and I don't know. I guess the pressure of how chaotic this life is going to be finally got to me. I'm scared Justin. Not just for failing at my job, but for how the public will perceive me. You know how it is in Hollywood. If you're not a size 0 then..." I instantly cut her off. Now, things are becoming clearer.

"Berry don't. You're beautiful the way you are so just...stop." I warn.

"You never thought that before." She scoffs.

"That was then. This is now. You're well aware of how I feel about you now. I was shallow ok? And in denial. Someone would have to be crazy to not see the beauty that's oozing out of you." That was the corniest most cheesiest thing I've ever said in a long while, but she's giggling so it worked. But I'm wondering if I should tell her about Mallory. I mean we're going back home in a few days. Things are going to be awkward.

"You're sweet Ju." She smiles, leaning forward and kissing my cheek.

"I just gave the compliment of the century and all I get is a kiss on the cheek?" I mock a hurt expression causing Zara to smack my arm roughly. "Ow that hurt girl!" I belt, rubbing the sore spot.

"You really are full of shit Justin." She smirks.

"So are you and every other living person." I retort, chuckling when she makes a disgusting face.

"Damn Ju. You're nasty. But whatever." She rests her back on the couch making herself more comfortable and I can't help but allow my eyes to roam over her figure. I was right with what I told her a few days ago. She really is losing weight. I'm a little skeptical to bring up the topic again, but her eyes always look so heavy. I hope she isn't still taking those weight loss bars I remember her showing me some time back. If she's taking them and not eating properly it could fuck her up. But, I like happy Zara. I'm not about to spoil her mood with this topic.

"Do you have any plans for later?" I suddenly voice.

"No. Jeremy is out whole day. I organized my outfit with Yolanda's stylist for tomorrow so I'm straight. Jer should be back some time tonight, but we're not really speaking to each other right now. He just pissed me off so bad. I hate when people try to tell me what to do..." She rants and all I can do is nod in acknowledgement. The guy has a point. Even though he's not threatened by me just yet he has a right to feel uncomfortable with his girl spending so much time with another man. But I'm really considering firing him as Yolanda's personal trainer to get rid of him. Too bad I have to wait for that sweet satisfaction. It really is amazing how time changes everything in a person's life.

"Hey, I thought you had stuff to prepare for the VMA's tomorrow night." Zara suggests.

"No. I only had to tailor my suit I'm going to wear. I did it with my stylist this morning so I'm free for the rest of the day. I think you need a pick me up." I stand from my seating position, pulling her up with me.

"Like what?" she asks curiously and I shrug.

"I have something I want to show you. Can you wait a few minutes for me to shower and change?" I ask hopefully.

"Only if I get to pull up in your room and watch you strut your stuff while doing a Michael Jackson impression." She jokes and I groan but smile nonetheless.

"Ok deal, but I honestly don't think you can handle me, or handle seeing all of me for that matter. You might have a heart attack or faint." I reply confidently.

"Oh please Ju. Cocky much?"

"Ah ‘cocky' I am, but confidence I display." I wink at Zara when her mouth hangs open.

"Oh my god. I didn't mean it like that! You're so rude Justin! Damn! Besides, I don't see how you having a ‘pencil' is related to your ‘cockiness'."

Oh she wants to play like that eh? Well two can play at that game. Leaning forward I lick my lips slowly inching down to her face. I smirk when her breath catches in her throat and just before our lips connect, I shift my head to the side to whisper in her ears. "I'm pretty sure you know, considering you've felt me, even if you haven't seen just ‘yet', that I'm not working with just a pencil berry." I finish my statement with a light kiss on her earlobe then pull away to get a good look at her. She's dazed again, just glaring at me with wide eyes.

Feeling satisfied with her stunned expression, I grip her arms tightly pulling her along with me up the stairs and towards my room.

****

Hours later...Hollywood LA....

It's strange how everything Justin does and says reminds me of sex. I think, no, I know that it's only a matter of time before I lose this battle of restraint within myself and I jump the man. I'd take him anywhere at anytime. I sound like a nymphomaniac. But after our endless make out sessions, the tension and pressure just keeps building. Is it wrong to use Jeremy as a substitute and outlet for my infatuation with Justin? I know now that I'm using the man. He's just a placement holder until I can have Justin. I feel like I've changed. The Jahzara of a few months ago would never be so despiteful and uncaring. I'm not sure how or when it happened but I don't fancy it. I'm becoming tainted and corrupted and I've barely been exposed to this lifestyle. What's going to happen to me when I'm engrossed in it?

I'd like to think that Justin would be what I need but he's just as screwed up in the head. He's a completely different person outside of the office. He definitely knows how to turn on the professional side when he's at work. Right now, I'm nervous and curious about how things will be when we get back to Florida. He won't go back to ignoring me. I won't be the invisible employee whose name he never learned. So, how are we going to be with each other? We'll be back to our separate lives for the most part. Was our time out here in LA only just for a season? I don't want it to be.

When we were up in Justin's room late this morning and he was getting ready for us to go out, he seemed so comfortable around me. I've said this before but he really does you know? He uncaringly stripped down to his boxers and did strut around singing ‘The Way You Make Me Feel' by Michael Jackson to me, causing me to break out into laughter until he disappeared into the bathroom. It was too cute. But, when he exited, dripping wet with only a towel around his waist that's when my nerves acted up. That's when I realized that the opportunity, where anything we desired could take place at that very moment, hung in the air. I'm almost certain he realized the awkwardness of the situation because he suddenly turned shy with me. And you know what? That was my cue to exit. I swear I bolted for that door faster than the speed of light. That makes me wonder. We go around flirting with each other, but we never carry anything further. How do you explain that? Maybe we're not as comfortable with each other as we thought...

"Quit dragging me Justin!" I whine, as I cast my vision downward to the hold he has on my hand. Staring up, I'm greeted with his t-shirt clad back as he continues to pull me along in the overcrowded mall. We've visited many stores today just browsing out in Hollywood but when we finally got to this mall a case of ‘Speedy Gonzalez' took over him.

"Berry, we need to get in and out. I can't have us getting attacked by crazy people." He laughs, with Mike and Lonnie in tow.

"They're your crazy fans." I retort.

"True and I love them, but not when they are groping at my body like some piece of meat." He adds and I'm quick to reply.

"Well, I don't blame them. You're some good white meat Justin..." But I drift off when I catch myself. Oh no, I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks. Did he hear me? I'm not sure.

Smacking into his back, I'm assuming he did hear. He just stopped walking suddenly. Turning around to face me his blues stare directly into my hazels. I can't place his expression for the life of me.

"What did you say? Good white meat eh?" he asks as his lips curl into a smirk. "Interesting. Very interesting berry."

And just like that he whips around, pulling me along as we pass endless stores and questionable stares from people who recognize there is a famous superstar in their midst. Unfortunately, Justin doesn't stop to acknowledge anyone right now. He's a man on a mission and my wrist is paying for it.

"Why are we even in the mall? And let me go Justin. I can walk on my own!" I belt.

"You're too slow." He states flatly but before I can protest, he drops my hand as he stands in front of a store looking in. "We're here." He voices and I see the large grin on his face.

"Here? Here where?" I inquire, rubbing at my throbbing wrist. Shit, for a skinny white boy he's really strong. I feel his hand grip under my chin forcing my head up to the sign of the store.

Slowly reading the name my brows furrow in confusion but then I begin to smile widely. "That actually exists?" I giggle and he shakes his head, pulling me into the store.

A short girl who looks no older than eighteen approaches us with a warm smile on her face. "Hi! And welcome to the Strawberry store." She greets us politely and I can't help but laugh out loud. He's crazy. Justin is really crazy. I can't believe he brought me here just to show me there's a store with that name.

"Hey..." Justin bends down to read her name tag. "Ashley. Uh, my friend and I just wanted to look around. I believe your manager has been expecting us?" He adds and I turn to him with astonishment.

"Oh yes, Mr. Timberlake. We closed down the store as you requested. My boss is very pleased that you chose to shop here today. He says to take a much time as you need."

"Ok Thanks a lot Ashley." Justin turns to me to see my reaction but I'm a little stunned. When did he do this? He closed down the entire store just for me? Why?

"Sure thing. Let me know if you need my help with anything." Ashley states before she walks away, leaving us alone to look around the store.

"So, do you like what I had to show you?" Justin whispers in my ears and I shiver a bit.

"Uh huh." I mutter. "But I'm wondering. Are there stores named, oh I don't know...Mango or Guava?" I muse watching as he shakes his head at me.

"Are you serious?" He's laughing heartily now. "Those fruits don't have appealing names for stores that sell merchandise. You're something else Zara." He jokes, still laughing lightly.

"Why thank you. I just can't believe this store is named Strawberry though. Why did you bring me here?" I inquire awaiting his response.

"Well I figured my berry could use some strawberry accessories. I think they go perfectly together. Don't you?" He asks in a low grunt. God, he's too close to me right now. How would the workers feel if I stripped Justin naked and fucked him right there in the store? I'm betting they would love the front row seats.

"Uh...I guess..." trailing off, I move away from him and begin scanning the racks of clothes and accessories while he diverts his attention to Lonnie and Mike.

There are clothes, bags, shoes, fragrances...everything...you name it. And the prices aren't so bad either. It's a really trendy store. I like it but, but, I'm beginning to get uncomfortable. Pulling out a cute, green, v-neck tight top with print, I frown slightly. Scanning some more items, I begin to scowl and turn on my heal heading straight for the exit but Justin grabs me by the waist on my way out stopping me.

"Hey! Where are you going? I thought you were looking around." He states but I ignore him trying to wriggle my way out of his grasp. "Berry stop it. What's come over you?"

Turning to face him I notice the shock on his face.

"Ber are you crying?" Justin inquires, using his free hand to wipe under my eyes while his other hand remains planted firmly around my waist.

"No." I lie.

"Yes you are. Why? What's wrong?"

"Can we just go please?"

"But you haven't gotten anything yet. Knock yourself out. I'm buying." He explains with a reassuring smile.

"I don't want you to buy anything for me Justin. I don't need you to spend your money on me." I snap and he instantly lets me go.

"But it's ok for ‘Jer' to buy shit for you and I can't?" He sneers.

Breathing deeply, I shut my eyes momentarily. "Justin. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I don't like anyone spending money on me. It makes me feel like a charity case. Please let's not do this now in public. I hate arguing with you." I explain, fluttering my eyes open. He's silent, but he's still studying me, searching for an explanation I'm not willing to give.

"She's right Justin. You all need to watch how you interact in public. You know Johnny is working on those photos for you two." Mike reasons and I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice Justin visibly relax by his words.

"Fine. But why were you crying Zara?" He just won't leave this alone will he? I wasn't even crying. My eyes just watered up a bit. He's so dramatic. I can't really lie to him though. It's strange.

"Well..." I look down in shame. "I...well...all this stuff is nice but it's not really my type." I begin.

"Are you kidding? I've seen you wear stuff like this on countless occasions. What's your problem?" He just doesn't understand. He never will. I'm getting angry because of it too.

"Damn it Justin! It's simple. None of these clothes come in my size ok? Are you happy now? Shit!" I hiss, moving away from him and calling the Ashley girl over, when I see a glimpse of her in the backroom area of the store.

"Berry, yes they do." He retorts looking at me like I'm crazy.

"What? Are you blind? Look at me Justin! Look at me and look at the clothes they sell here."

"Ok, Zara you're making a big deal out of nothing. Just pick out a few bags and shoes and some fragrances and body stuff. It's no big deal really." He tries to calm me down but I can feel the rage within me rising.

"You'll never understand Justin. You're not a woman. You're not me. I've had to deal with weight issues my entire life. Now I'm finally losing some but it's still not enough." I surrender, my voice suddenly turning weak. I can't do this. I can't be like this anymore. I need to be stronger than that. Justin can't know just how self conscious I am. He'd never understand. He's just...He's too much of a guy to understand.

"Berry, just relax ok?" He walks over to me but we're interrupted by Ashley.

"Is everything ok? Can I help in any way?" She's looking at me strangely. I guess my eyes are red and puffy or maybe she's trying to figure out how a woman of my build could possibly set foot in this store.

"Do you have any nice outfits to fit my friend?" Justin smiles for the young girl and my mouth hangs open. Oh my god he did not! What is he trying to do? Humiliate me to death?

"Actually we do. Our sizes have a large range." She smiles brightly and Justin gives me an ‘I-told-you-so' look. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't.

Studying me intently Ashley shrugs, tapping her feet lightly against the tiled floor. Snapping her fingers, she grins at me before she holds my hand softly to pull me along with her on the other side of the store that I didn't have a chance to survey. Ok, now I'm beginning to feel embarrassed by my sudden outburst but it wasn't my fault you know?

Turning around, I mouth an ‘I'm sorry' to Justin who just waves me off with a smug smile on his face. I guess I'm going to have to get used to all of this. I'm praying for strength. It's going to be easier said than done though.

After hours of shopping and carrying endless shopping bags, we finally make it back to Justin's home some time in the early evening. It's going to be dark out soon so, I should maybe have Justin drop me at Jeremy's. But, after plopping down on his couch, I have no intentions of getting up anytime soon.

"I'm exhausted." I mumble into a couch pillow.

"You should be after you got into the swing of things. I had to literally drag you out of the damn store." Justin chuckles, taking a seat next to me and handing me a wine cooler.

Thanking him, I instantly take a sip moaning with pleasure. "Mmmm....strawberry flavored. It's good, but what's with you today? Are you developing a fetish for strawberries all of a sudden?" I question him.

Moving closer to me he gives me a sly smile before he leans in and brushes his lips delicately against mine. "Not strawberries. But the whole concept of you wearing them in some smell or form." He groans, kissing me lightly again.

"Justin stop. We're in your living room." I warn with a light moan, pushing at his chest.

"So? no one is home. Trace and JC left. Yolanda is out doing her thing and Mike and Lonnie are outside on the grounds. It's just you and me berry." He coos, pulling me to sit on his lap.

"Let me go Ju. I'm too heavy to be sitting on you...I'll crush you." I try to move off him but he keeps his death grip on me smacking my butt harshly and causing me to yelp.

"Just shut up Zara. I'm fed up of your weight comments. You're not hideously obese. You're attractive and beautiful and thick yet toned and curvaceous and...." His words are muffled when he nestles his head in the crook of my neck inhailing deeply. Kissing on my skin lightly, I can hear him growl lowly as he begins licking down my neck. Oh man, he really needs to stop this. I can feel myself getting turned on.

"But Ju..."

"No...buts....berry." He mumbles, snaking his hands under my shirt and caressing my lower back.

"Ju, Why?" I suddenly ask, lifting my hand to bring the wine cooler to my lips. Taking a large gulp, I swallow hard as he stops what he's doing to my neck to stare at me distractedly.

"Why what?"

"Why the attraction between us? Why the deception to the people around us? Why me? Why are you willing to risk everything for me? I mean, why this? Why all this? Why...why everything? I don't get it. Why are we doing this Justin?" I have really bad timing but I need to know.

Scratching his head in thought he rests back away from me, fixing me in his lap. "Well, I don't know. I guess you can't control your emotions or who you have feelings for. In our case, I'm willing to risk it because I think you're worth it. I think, if given the chance we could actually have something special despite what people may say. I know we're going about it the wrong way and might end up hurting people in the process but I think it's worth it. Don't you?" He smiles at me, licking his lips.

"I...yeah." I sigh. I can't deny him. I can't deny myself either. I know what I want, what I need and it's Justin. There are no questions asked.

"I mean I know everything between us happened suddenly and awkwardly but I think it happened for a reason and I don't regret it at all. I certainly don't regret the night we danced at Tim's club. It was meant to happen. We wouldn't be here together if it didn't. I also can't wait to act out the most famous words of Jay holiday that's been playing in my mind since that night at Tim's club." He divulges and chuckles when I give him a confused look.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I'm not following. I'm completely lost right now.

"It's nothing. Forget about it." He laughs.

"Whatever Ju." I giggle, dismissing his craziness.

"But for what it's worth Zara, you'll always be my strawberry no matter what happens ok? No one can change that or take your place." He coos, caressing my cheeks softly as his eyes lighten significantly. Oh that's sexy.

"Aww you're sweet. You'll always by my Ju no matter what." I add.

"I better be." He threatens, grinning in the process.

"You know it." I touch his chest lightly and he turns serious again.

"You know. I'm starting to think that strawberry might be my new favorite fruit. But you know what's even sweeter than that?" He asks, rubbing at my sides softly.

"Sweeter than me? What?" I fake a hurt expression deciding to entertain him. Justin is such a goof. He has the sweetest shy smile on his face right now.

"Well..." He pretends to think for a moment before he pulls me closer to him as he lowers his tone, his voice becoming deeper than usual. "I happen to think that strawberry dipped in chocolate is the ultimate sweet, cavity worthy, sugar rush." He beams, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I'm too shocked to even speak right now. I'm a little speechless. My mind is riling with dirty thoughts right now.

"And guess what." He adds as mischief twinkles in his eyes.

"What?" I choke out.

"I have the perfect mixture of both sitting right on top of me this very second. I don't know berry..." He shrugs. "I'm getting ideas. I think I might need a taste so I don't go insane or something." He suggests with a straight face. I can see he's stifling his laugh when realization hits me. He's talking about me?! Oh my god! That was the sexiest most tempting thing ever! He's so mean.

"Too late. You're already crazy. Nothing will help your situation." I muse.

"Oh really. I beg to differ. Come here woman." He growls and I instantly jump off his lap backing away.

"Get away Justin!" I giggle as he lunges for me.

"Not until I get a taste. Come on. One taste. Fruits are healthy for you. You're denying me one of my basic food groups." He latches unto me and I scream out.

"Oh my god! You're sick Justin! Stop!" I laugh as he tackles me to the ground tickling my sides. "Ah stop! I can't breathe. You're going to make me pee my pants." I get out through coughs.

"Ha! Ok. I don't want that to happen. I'll behave." He stops tickling me and we regain our steady breathing.

So, I'm lying on my back on his living room floor and he's propped up on his elbows hovering over me just staring. I think I have an idea what's going to happen next...if my cell didn't choose to go off at the most inconvenient time.

Sighing, Justin groans and rolls off me, pulling me to my feet. When I grab the device I notice the caller ID flashing in yellow lights. "It's Jeremy." I state sadly, ignoring the call.

"Right. Jeremy." Justin snaps coldly. "I'll take you...‘home' then."

"Ju..."

"It's fine. It's...it's for the best at least for now right? Don't worry about it berry. Just let me grab my keys and we'll be out." He kisses me lightly on my lips and refrains from making any eye contact as he grabs his keys off the coffee table.

But it's not fine. Nothing is fine. Nothing is ok. Everything is wrong. I don't like how things are rolling. I don't want this to turn into some clandestine love affair. But, by the hurt in Justin's eyes and look of despair on his face due to our little interruption, I can't help but feel that things are only going to get more complicated. But you know what? I'm not about to let Justin go under any circumstances. We'll get through the obstacles. We have to.

****

Quotes by: Unknown

Next Day...

Early Saturday evening...

VMA's Night

One Step Closer - Part 1

"The TRUTH: It may not lead you to where you thought you were going, but it will always lead you somewhere better. When ignored, it will eventually show itself. The closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree to which you have revealed the truth about yourself. It can be painful."

"Of course I'm ready for tonight. Why wouldn't I be?" I pause momentarily as I stare at myself in the 360 degree mirror. I watch intently as my stylist opens the glass door and walks in with a black tie in hand. Smiling at her, I divert my attention to the cell phone pressed against my ear.

"I just assumed you'd be nervous for Yolanda baby. I've heard she's been doing really well." Comes my mother's warm southern twang over the line. Damn, I can't wait to head home for thanksgiving and Christmas. I really miss my family.

"I got it on locked Ma. I'm not nervous for her. She's going to do great. Besides, she has Jahzara to be nervous with." I joke, briefly removing the phone from my ear so my stylist can wrap the tie around my neck.

"Oh yes. Speaking of that young lady, is she the one Johnny talked about who is such a keeper? She's Yolanda's PA right? The one who's rumored to be having an affair with you?"

I groan inwardly at my mother's line of questioning. "Ma!" I scold her.

"Ok Justin. It's fine baby. I'm sorry; I don't mean to pry. I'm just curious. I saw some photos the paparazzi took out of her. She's a very beautiful black woman. She looks tall too...and natural." My mom voices. It's her indirect way of saying Zara is different than most women I've dealt with.

"I know mom. I know." I reply with a sigh of content. I'm pretty sure she caught on because I can almost see her smiling on the other end of the line.

"You have feelings for her don't you baby? Those aren't just rumors are they? She seems nice. I'd like to meet her some time." Mom beams. Well, I'd like them to meet too but that's not possible right now. I'm not in the mood to discuss the relationship I have with berry or lack thereof. I'll be lectured for years to come by my mother if I do.

"She has a boyfriend mom." I reply dejectedly.

"That's never stopped you before Justin. Just be careful and protect your heart. I don't want you to get hurt baby." She coos. I know she's right. My mom is always right. If she only knew that I'm already hurting this very second and I don't even know why.

"I know mom. I mean it's not like we've done anything. We just get along great and she's also going to be my assistant so...." I'm cut off by my mother's ranting.

"Sweetie, you can't deny your heart. By the dreamy tone in your voice, I can tell you have feelings for this woman that's deeper than any employee. Again, I just want you to be careful because I love you. And I'll be here if you need me."

"I know Ma. I mean I have a girlfriend now too you know..." Shit, I shouldn't have said that. I can hear her breathing become rigid. My mother always hated when I rushed into relationships. And the fact that there was no mention of a special girl in my life before this piece of information, she knows it was a spur of the moment thing for me. And it really was. I didn't even really ask Mallory. I just basically said, ‘So, I'll see you when I get back babe. And if any guy tries to mess with you tell them you're taken.' Yeah not very subtle but I couldn't ask her directly. It was only after I watched her board the plane nearly in tears of joy that I realized what I did. She thinks we're official now. I'm a little scared to find out how that's going to play out when I do get back to Florida. Did I mention we leave LA tomorrow night on my private Jet? I can't believe those two months are already over. Time really flies.

"Justin? Hello?"

I can hear my mom calling out to me on the phone and it's then I've realized I spaced out. Oh no, Zara is rubbing off on me. Damn.

"Sorry Ma. Listen. I'm just going to go. I'll call you when I reach FL tomorrow night ok? And I'll let you know how the show went." I explain.

"Ok baby. And I told you to please be careful with this new girlfriend and I want to meet her when you feel the time is right. I'm going to head out too. Paul is waiting for me. We are heading over to the Ayala's for dinner." She states and I nod even though she can't see me.

If it's left to me, my mother will never meet Mallory. I just, I don't want this to be more complicated by allowing her into my family. "Ok Ma, have fun. Bye." I swiftly click the end button on my phone. I guess Trace was right. He did say my family was going over to his house when he spoke to his parents on the phone.

"All done." I hear my stylist say and I divert my gaze to the mirror. Looking at my attire I smile widely. I look good. But then I always do.

"Nice." I voice and she beams with pride, dusting off some lint on my shoulder.

"Your three piece black tux is spectacular Justin. You'll get some serious attention tonight." She muses and I chuckle lightly as I step down from the block.

I'm hoping I catch one lucky lady's attention tonight but she doesn't need to know that. No one needs to know. I like this being only berry and my secret. It makes everything more intense and interesting.

"Well, the show is in an hour so, I'm going to pick up the gang and head off in our limo to the show. Thanks a lot Meg." I give her a tight hug and she pats my back lightly before I exit the dressing room and the building she claimed for her business by being a celebrity stylist.

On my way into the limo, I hit speed dial on my phone waiting for Trace to pick up as Mike and Lonnie hop in behind me and the limo pulls out into the busy streets of LA. Everyone is running around for the VMA's today. It's going to be one crazy ass night.

"Dude!" Trace belts into the line hurting my ear.

"Damn it Trace." I wince, but listen intently when I hear loud noises in the background. "Where are you?" I ask.

"I'm at your house dummy. Everyone is just busy moving around getting ready for tonight. Listen, Buckley and Brennan nearly attacked Yolanda's stylist who came over to help Yolanda and Zar-bear get ready. Anyway, Rachel and I have it under control and he said he won't press charges because dogs will be dogs." Trace snickers. Hold on, Buckley and Brennan did what? That's not like them at all.

"They didn't bite him did they?" I ask hopefully.

"Na, Ramon is fine. But man, the red carpet starts soon. Get your ass over here to pick us up; the women are almost ready....." Trace drifts off as he lets out a loud whistle.

"What? Trace is everything ok?" I'm getting nervous. I'm going to have a heart to heart with my dogs. They don't pull shit like that when I'm not around. I guess Rachel was right. It's my fault. They're on edge and antsy because I'm hardly ever around. Thank god they are going back to Florida with me. I'd miss them too much if they stayed in LA.

"Wow..." Trace breathes out. Ok, now he's being ridiculous.

"T what the fuck man?" I snap. "What's going on?"

"Man, you've got to see Yolanda and Zara. But mainly Zara. What a knockout. They just came out from the room so we're all ready to go but, holy shit! I didn't even think Zar-bear was that hot before and...wow, I just fell in love..." Trace mutters and I frown with confusion. I'll kill him if he goes near her. Trace can be quite the pervert.

"Whatever man. Just lay off...I'll be there shortly. Bye." He tells me bye as well and I hang up.

Now I'm anxious. My legs are bouncing up and down and I can't contain my excitement. The best thing about all this is that Jeremy won't be there. He couldn't make it because he had to travel back to Florida tonight on short notice; something to do with family. I really don't care. I'm just happy I get the last day with Zara alone. But now I can't wait to see her. If she looks as good as Trace says, I know I'm going to have a heart attack when I set eyes on her. I'm really becoming addicted. It's not just a game anymore. My feelings and heart are on the line. I'll be damned if I allow her to fuck me up in any way. Shit, how do I even deal with this? How can I do this to her? I haven't even told her about Mallory. Oh god, she's going to hate me. They're both going to hate me.

"Chill out Justin. We're almost there." Mike's deep voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I give him a meek grin before I divert my attention out the windows for the rest of the ride to my estate.

****

I'm nervous out of my damn mind. I'm just about ready to empty my stomach contents all over Trace if he doesn't back the hell up and I'm not even the one performing tonight. I can't do this. I can't have those people dissecting me so openly and in public. I'll die of embarrassment. Looking down at myself I can feel the vomit rising in my throat. How could I allow Ramon to talk me into wearing this dress? It's like the same shit I went through with Jeffery Rush the night we went out to Tim's club and I danced with Justin. Jeffery forced me to wear a hooker outfit that night. If it wasn't for him, Justin would have never noticed me if I wore my baggy jeans and shirt. We would have never danced and I'd not be in this current situation. Oh yes, I'm pointing fingers and right now I blame Jeffery for my current nausea. Plus, Jeremy had to leave for home earlier than expected. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong; he just said it was a family issue. I would have gone back with him if I didn't need to be at the show tonight. Oh man, I really hope Justin likes this outfit and doesn't think I look like a fat hot mess in this. I'm really self-conscious right now.

"Trace, I will not pose as your girlfriend for the press tonight, so stop asking me." I snap, pushing him away.

"Come on Zar-bear. People would be so envious! And it would help your situation with Justin if they thought we were together." He gives me a cheeky grin and I giggle a bit.

"I'm with Jeremy." I enforce.

"So?! Justin is still getting action. Why can't I?" He pouts for me and I actually smack him behind the head. "Hey! What was that for?" He defends, rubbing the sore spot.

"For being a nuisance. And I will not entertain your comment." I reprimand watching him scowl.

"You're no fun Zar-bear." Trace says sadly.

"Aww, I love you too Tracey-poo." I coo hearing someone clear their throat loudly behind us.

Whipping around, a large smile adorns my face as I take in Justin's form. Oh, he's handsome. He looks dashing in his black suit and he has a freshly shaven face. I'd love to run my hands over his smooth baby skin. I could just eat him up right now. His black leather shoes are shinning with perfection and his brown hair is perfectly groomed with cute curls at the end. Damn. "You look great Ju!" I supply and he nods with gratitude.

"Finally you're here!" Trace raises his hands in the air for effect. "I'm going to call Rachel and Yolanda so we can leave." And just like that, he maneuvers around Justin leaving us alone in the living room.

Justin has an unidentifiable expression plastered on his face as he approaches me. Looking down at me, he lifts his hand to brush a lose tendril out of my eye before he leans down and brushes his lips delicately against mine. I inhale deeply as he pulls away, and he finally breaks out into a toothy grin. "You look..." He trails off as he grips unto my waist, massaging my sides softly. "You...wow." He bows his head still keeping his smile as he seems to be lost in thought.

"I look terrible I know." I supply causing him to snap his head up.

"Oh no berry. I didn't mean that. I'm trying to think of a word to describe you. Somehow radiant, beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, spectacular...and I could go on forever...just don't cut it. I'm truly as a lost for words. God you look..." He chuckles slightly as I notice his cheeks reddening.

"Justin? Are you blushing?" I ask in shock and he shakes his head frantically causing me to smile.

"What? No I just...you...you truly are something berry. You've got me all tongue tied and shit. Damn." He growls, pulling me flush against his chest for a hug and I laugh. Justin? Tongue tied? This is a historical moment.

"Thanks I guess." I mutter against his chest.

Pulling away, he frowns at me. "I've got it. You look...‘berrilicious'." He laughs when my eyes grow wide.

"Berr-what?" I inquire.

"Berrilicious." He states again with a straight face. "I'd like to say it's my word invention to incorporate all the positive words I could use to describe how breathtaking you look right now."

He actually has a confident smile due to his little invention. It's kind of cute. "You're lame Justin." I giggle and he laughs along with me.

"Yeah but you love me like that." He retorts.

"No complaints here." I smile, just as Yolanda and Rachel walk into the room. They both look beautiful. Sometimes I wish I was a small as them in size. Life would be so much easier.

We're all wearing some designer dress. Yolanda has on a long silk navy blue Gucci dress with a V cut at the front and back. It's perfect for her slender frame and it compliments her perfectly. She's also wearing her long blonde hair down in spirals. Rachel has on a red long Prada gown that's simple yet elegant with a smooth glow to it. She's not really the kind to dress up like this, but Justin threatened her, so she had no choice. And me? Well, Ramon (Yolanda's stylist) actually pulled off the craziest thing. He got a gown made in my size by Vera Wang. I know; it shocked me into stupidity too. It's a Vera Wang one-of-a-kind black strapless satin ball gown with scalloped hem and beautifully detailed bows in the back to be exact. Not to mention it's giving off a hell of a lot of cleavage. I know it is, because Trace's eyes were glued to my chest earlier. Again I say...men.

"Ok! Since we are all ready and dressed to kill, let's get out of here. We don't want to be late for the red carpet." Trace voices, leading everyone out of the mansion.

I hear Justin apologize to Ramon about his dogs on the way out as Rachel, comes into view with Buckley and Brennan. Justin quickly pets them and tells them bye as his cousin exits after Ramon.

Slumping my shoulders a bit I try to prepare myself for the inevitable. Tailing behind the group, I feel someone grip unto my arms tightly. Flipping around, I'm greeted with a smiling Justin.

"Don't worry berry. Everything will be ok alright? Just, give the media short simple responses when asked questions and no matter what they ask you, always smile like you're unaffected. It's no big deal girl, calm down. Everything will be ok. I'll be right there. Once you get past the red carpet you're good, I promise." He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and it actually calms me down a bit.

"Ok." I breathe out.

"Ok?" He enquires, examining my facial expressions. I feel like throwing up again.

"Ok." I enforce with a tight smile.

"Ok then." Justin echoes, pulling me along with him out of the house and towards the limo. Well, this is it. It's the beginning of the end of my life. I'll forever be psychologically damaged. I don't think I can handle being around all these famous beautiful people at one time. I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb. Oh hell.

"I can do this..." I mumble once I'm securely in the limo.

"Yes you can." Justin whispers back, rubbing my hand affectionately. I wasn't aware that he heard me silently prepping myself for the night. I'm glad he did though, because his smile is enough to set me at ease right now. He's right. I can most definitely do this. I don't really have a choice. Well, here goes nothing...

*

I got past the red carpet with little bumps and bruises. Justin was right there to save me like he said he would be. It was all so dazzling and it happened so fast, everything is still a blur to me. Of course, I was greeted with the same questions. The reporters questioned me about my job, Yolanda, what it's like working for Justin, my family, Jeremy and if the rumors about Justin and I were true. Justin overheard when they were hounding me about him and he quickly came over to clear the air. They even joked about it. It was amazing seeing him in his natural element and how comfortable he seemed to be. But that comes with practice and years in the business.

I know there are going to be a million photos of me because the flashes just wouldn't end. I even noticed the same photographer who asked me the questions about Justin the night of Yolanda's club show. He gave me the slyest smile and I just had to avoid eye contact. I haven't exactly told Justin about that little encounter. I mean that was the night I was trying to get away from him after he humiliated me because he was high.

We also met Johnny Wright who answered a few questions with us about work to the media. He gave me a good pep talk too before he disappeared to do his thing I guess. It was nice seeing him again though. He's been my savior in all this. Unfortunately, since Justin didn't do any work musically the past year because he's been focusing on his business; he wasn't nominated for any awards tonight. So, it was a good break for him as he voiced to MTV while on the carpet. They are, however, expecting big things from him next year and guess what? I get to be there and go along for the ride. Not the best news to digest in front of all these people but what can you do?

All in all the red carpet went smoothly. We're all seated at our assigned seats now. Rachel excused herself earlier for what ever reason, and I haven't seen her since. Justin doesn't seem to mind, so I guess it's cool. There is a space between Trace and I where Jeremy was supposed to be. I really miss him oddly enough but I'm still glad he's not here. It would give me an opportunity to hang with Justin. I'm so terrible.

Glancing around the room, I can't contain my amazement that I'm in the same room with all these wonderful people. "Oh I really hope I see Robin Thicke". I think out loud, causing Trace to shoot me a perplexed look, but he doesn't say anything. What can I say? Robin is just amazing.

"Oh my god I'm going to faint..."

Snapping my head in Justin's direction, I forget about my endless thoughts when I see him hugging Yolanda and skimming her back gently. Oh no, is she getting stage fright? That can't be good.

"Shh it's ok Yolanda. You're not going to faint. You're going to do great. They're going to love you." He assures, still hugging her.

"I can't Justin! I can't! I'll...what if I mess up? In front of all these people? I can't even remember my dance moves! Oh my god..." She chokes out, latching unto his shoulders as she eyes me, pleading for me to help her in some way.

"Yolanda, calm down." Justin states in a firm tone. "You'll be fine. Now is not the time to chicken out. You won't forget anything."

"Justin, maybe I should go with her to the bathroom to freshen up. She'll be fine." I suggest and Yolanda quickly lets Justin go, grabbing my hands for us to stand.

"Are you sure?" He asks skeptically. "Do you want me to come?"

"No Ju. It's ok. We'll be fine." I ensure.

"Ok, but hurry back. She has to go backstage in twenty minutes to prepare for her performance. She's opening the show berry." He reminds me and I nod.

"Why do you always call her berry? What's that about?" Yolanda suddenly enquires out of no where. She's eyeing the both of us too as she latches unto my arm.

"Uh, it's just a nickname." Justin begins rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, while staring at me to help him out. Oh so why am I the voice of reason now?

"I know that. But how did she get it? I've always meant to ask."

Miss Glenmore is being really nosy right now.

"Because he thinks I always smell like strawberries." I admit watching at Justin's eyes grow wide. He needs to chill out. She's not going to think anything of that statement.

"Oh! Well I guess it makes sense. You kind of always do..." She leans forward to sniff me and smiles. "You do now too. Come on let's go." Yolanda grips my hand and pulls me along with her. As we make our way out of the row and into the isle, I turn back around to shrug for Justin and Trace who smile for me before I disappear out of the main room with Yolanda.

After using the bathroom and giving Yolanda a small pep talk, we exit through the doors arm in arm. I think she's ok to perform now. She just had a case of the nerves. On our way back to the main room where the award show is being held, we bounce into Timbaland. There are tons of celebrities running all around the place. It's really chaotic in here. The media does a good job of not broadcasting the craziness that goes on at these shows. I think I just saw Lil' Kim pass by with half her body exposed and her high heels in hand. Those artists are missing a few screws in their heads. I know that much.

"Hey ladies. Good luck tonight." Tim gives us both a hug and I smile at the contact. It's nice hugging him. He's all muscular and what not. I like it.

"Thanks Tim. We're just going to head back to Justin so we can get Yolanda backstage for her performance." I explain.

"Oh that's great. Break a leg girl." He smiles for Yolanda and she nods in response before she tells him bye and pulls me along back to our seat.

"Well bye Tim!" I call out to him.

"I'll see you all are the after party." He voices and I frown as we make our way back to Justin and Trace.

After party? Justin never mentioned anything like that to me. I don't do well at social gatherings. I try to avoid them. This won't turn over well.

Finally reclaiming our seats, Justin smiles for us waiting to hear the latest news.

"She's fine." I assure him and he nods, just before we hear them call Yolanda backstage over the intercom system.

"Well this is it." Standing, Yolanda brushes her hands against her dress as she looks over at us. "Wish me luck." She exclaims, beginning to walk away.

"Hold on. Don't you want me to come with you?" I inquire. I'm not sure how these things work exactly. This is my first award show.

"No I'm fine. Marty and Ramon are back there waiting. Just, let me know how I do. Bye!" She waves to us and quickly disappears into the crowd, heading for her dressing room or where ever it is she has to go.

"I'm her PA. Shouldn't I be with her?" I eventually whisper to Justin who has his eyes glued to the stage as they prepare to begin the show.

"Na. She'll be fine. Don't worry berry." He grips my hands, finally turning to make some eye contact. "They're getting ready to start soon." He adds.

"Man that after party better be off the chain." Trace interjects.

"Yeah, how comes you didn't tell me Justin? I met Tim out in the hall." I nudge his side, hearing him let out a light sigh.

"That's cool but, would you have gone if I told you?"

"No." I admit.

"Ok then. We're going, but we won't stay long. I've got other plans."

Eyeing him strangely, I wait for him to continue but he remains quiet, just as Jamie Fox takes the stage with a mic in hand.

"What other plans Justin?" I finally enquire. Curiosity is killing me right now.

"Not important." He mutters, shhhing me in the process as Jamie begins to talk into the mic cracking a few jokes.

"Justinnnnnnn...." I whine, giggling when he shoots me a death glare.

"Oh no. Don't start that shit now Zara." He warns, letting my hand go.

"What plans?" I relent.

"None of your business." He smirks.

"Justinnnnnnn...."

"Oh my fucking god Zara...seriously. Are you going to do that now?" He stares at me chortling lightly.

"Tell me what plans."

"Plans for what?" He's acting dumb but it's not going to work on me. He has this innocent look on his face too, like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. That sneaky bastard.

"Justinnnnnnn......"

"Shut up!" Trace groans, pinching my arm harshly.

"Owww...hey that hurt you moron." I snap at him, rubbing the sore spot.

"Good." Trace shoots me an evil stare and I can hear Justin chuckling under his breath.

Just as I'm about to annoy them again, Jaime Fox finally says "Welcome to the annual MTV Video Music awards..." before the list of all the artists present at the show flows across the screen. Well, this is it. Yolanda is about to come out and perform in a few minutes. I'm anxious and nervous for her. I feel like I'm going to throw up again. Please let her do well.

"Our girl is coming out soon." I beam.

"Yeah." Justin sighs with pride. "She's going to blow them away."

"I know she is." I smile resting back in my seat.

A few minutes later, Jamie finally announces Yolanda on stage and I listen intently as everyone cheers her on. It's not long before the lights dim and the intro of her single filters through the speakers filling the massive room. As if on cue, the crowd's screams intensify and at that moment, I know everything it going to go great for her.

Just as I'm beginning to get engrossed with all the bright flashing multicolored lights, Justin leans towards me to whisper in my ears. The chills that run up and down my spine when he does that are definitely disrupting my concentration on Yolanda right now.

"Just so you don't bug me with your whining for the rest of the night, I'm letting you know that my plans just happen to be a surprise that involves you. But that's all I'm sharing. You'll have to wait and see." He says in a low raspy whisper, sealing his statement with a kiss on my cheek.

Trying to regain my breath from how utterly steamy that simple act was, I forcefully connect my hazels to his blues that seem shades darker than usual. Grinning at me, he diverts his attention to the stage and all I can do at this moment is remember how to breathe as I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Ah, it never gets old...this game we keep playing with each other, but I'm kind of ready for it to end. In fact, if I have to, I'll end it soon. All I have to be is patient. Even though I'm desperately refraining from touching or feeling on Justin right now, patience will solve everything.

****

Quote by: Unkown

Hours later...

Late Saturday night...

At the After party...

Hollywood, LA

One Step Closer - Part 2

"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. If they can't get close enough to hurt you, they can't get close enough to love you. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

Oh my god, I still can't believe how incredible Yolanda's performance was. She nailed it too. I knew there was nothing to worry about. She wore this cute, cat woman meets dominatrix suit on stage while she strutted her stuff with her twenty something dancers. Her style is a cross between R&B and pop so it worked perfectly. Then again, Timbaland and Justin produced the song so it was perfect. The crowd gave her a standing ovation and I'm betting by this time next year when the VMA's roll around again, she'll be winning some of her very own moon men.

"Strawberry Margarita please." I yell over the blaring music to the bartender. Justin dragged me to the after party so I really had no choice. I'm sitting at the bar alone while he and Trace are off somewhere in the mass of hot celebrity bodies mingling with Yolanda. Justin just loves showing her off as his masterpiece. She seems to be ok with it too. Rachel left early to head home so she could check up on Buckley and Brennan. Of course, she scolded Justin about not spending enough time with them before she left.

"Coming right up hun." The cute African American tender tells me. I love his dark brown eyes and smooth chocolate completion. Giving him a sweet smile, I gaze around the room just as someone comes up next to me.

"How are you tonight Miss. Gilmore?" The man asks and I finally turn to see who knows me. My mouth instantly gapes open in utter shock. Oh my god! Dreams do come true!

"Robin Thicke?" I squeak out excitedly.

Laughing softly he shakes his head in agreement. "Nice to finally meet you." He gives me a sincere smile and I frown.

"Wait, how do you know me and what do you mean by finally?" I question and he shrugs, pointing into the crowd. Following his line of sight, I land on Trace who's looking over with a triumphant smile on his face. That little...ah...I love my Tracey-poo right about now.

"Oh." I begin to blush as he takes a seat next to me.

"I heard you were a big fan. It's always good to meet people who appreciate your music and what you do." He lifts my hand placing a light kiss on the back before he drops it back down on my lap. Oh, I think the heat in the room just intensified. Is anyone witnessing this? It's freaking Robin Thicke! I'm more star struck than when I met JC. Speaking of, I haven't seen him for the night. I guess he's around somewhere doing his thing.

"O-Oh." I'm sorry, that's all I can get out right now. I'm trying to not burst out into a high pitched scream.

"Are you ok?" he eyes me.

"Uh...yeah." I mutter just as the bartender brings my drink.

Thanking him, I pull out a credit card to pay but Robin stops me. "I've got it." He grins at me, paying and tipping the bartender.

Breathing deeply I mutter a thanks and take a large gulp of my drink hearing him chortle. "What?" I ask innocently.

"You're sweet when you're nervous, but I'm no one to be nervous around. Believe me."

Oh my freaking god! Is he flirting with me? Breathe Jahzara. Not knowing how to respond to that statement, I take another slurp of the Margarita in my hands just as I notice Justin coming over.

"Hey berry let's bounce." Justin voices, staring directly at me.

"What? But we just got here a while ago." I say sadly, giving Robin an apologetic smile. Whipping around, Justin glares directly at him finally realizing that I have company.

"Hey man." Justin gives him a manly shake as they say hi. "You don't mind if I steal her away do you." He states rather than asks. Robin shakes his head no, ordering a drink for himself and I could just slap Justin this very second. That was rude.

"Cool, let's drags berry. I've met everyone I needed to meet." He holds unto my arm pulling me away from the perfect god-like specimen sitting on the bar stool who just flirted with me! Or maybe I was reading too much into it? No, he was definitely flirting. But isn't he married? No matter, I don't want to go yet. I hate my life.

"Bye Robin! It was nice meeting you! I'll see you around!" I wave bye to him and he smiles for me, before Justin and I disappear into the crowd.

"No you won't." I hear Justin mumble as we near the exit.

"What?" I scream over the loud music and chattering.

"You won't see him around." He explains.

Rolling my eyes, I allow Justin to pull me along as I continue to sip on my drink. Finally out of the club, we make our way past the paparazzi with his bodyguards and they ensure we are safely in the limo before they slam the door shut and the limo pulls out from its parking spot - into the street.

Looking out the window at the fading hysteria, I glance back over at Justin casually playing with the straw in my mouth. "What's going on? Why didn't Mike, Lonnie, Yolanda and Trace come along?" I enquire but he ignores me. Well I'm going to assume they have another way to get home obviously. He's boring a hole into me with his stare but he's not talking.

"Earth to Justin." I wave my hand in front of his face and he suddenly grips it, placing it at my side before he scoots closer to me. "Are you going through another bi-polar phase?" I muse but he doesn't laugh. He doesn't even crack a smile. Ok, I'm getting worried now. "Are we going home?" I try my luck again and thankfully, he answers me by shaking his head ‘no'. "Ok then." Since he's being bi-polar with me, I decide to divert my attention out the window while I continue to sip on my drink. That is, until he yanks it out of my grasp studying the concoction closely.

He takes a sip from it, finally cracking a lopsided grin. "Now who has the fetish with strawberries?" He jokes finishing off my drink. I scoff at him but refrain from protesting. I'm more curious to know where we are heading.

"I always did Justin incase you haven't realized. All my fragrances, shampoos, drinks, everything is strawberry flavored, or has a hint or has strawberry as an ingredient." I divulge and he nods knowingly.

"I know. Listen I need to tell you something and ask you a few things." He explains, grasping my full attention. Turning to face him, I lift my dress, crossing my legs indian style on the plush leather seats.

"Shoot."

"Alright. Well firstly I've always wondered about your parents. Where are they? Don't you all get along? I know it's you and Malcolm but..."

Raising my hand to stop him I smile weakly. "They're six feet under the earth sadly."

"Oh...wow...I...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..."

"No it's cool. They died in a car accident when I was a little girl so it wasn't so bad you know? Because, I was too young to fully understand. I still have some faint memories of them though."

"I'm so sorry berry. It must have been hard growing up. Every kid needs their parents."

"Yeah well, I had Malcolm and my Aunt Patrice who took care of us most of our younger lives until she migrated to the Caribbean with her husband. I guess that's why Malcolm and I are so close. We're really all we have."

"I can understand that. Well thanks for sharing. I was curious." He admits, coming closer to me.

"It's cool." I wipe at my dry eyes willing away any feeling to cry. There's no point in crying now. It won't change a thing.

"Ok the other thing I need to ask you is about Jeremy." Justin shifts uncomfortably and I stare at him interestingly.

"What about Jeremy?"

"Well uh..." pulling at his tie, he loosens it around his neck before he begins unbuttoning his jacket. "Have you...I mean have the two of you ever..." He trails off, swallowing the rest of his words nervously.

"Had sex?" I blurt out. Justin is cute when he's embarrassed.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"Yes we have." I reply honestly.

"What!?" He yells, glaring at me stunned. Ok, I wasn't expecting that response. I thought this was sharing time? I mean shit, he fucked Mallory and I heard everything. Why is he bitching?

"What is your problem?" I snap.

"When? How did this happen? I can't fucking believe this." He huffs, pushing back in his seat.

"He's my boyfriend remember? It's not like I cheated on you Justin!" I remind him, watching as his mood flips.

"You might as well have." He hisses, crossing his arms over his chest in anger. What crawled up his ass?

"What the fuck is wrong with you Justin? You really are bi-polar huh? God, I don't see how you can sit here and get angry when I overheard you and Mallory..."

"Just shut up Zara. That's different."

"Oh it is? This I want to hear." I laugh sarcastically at him.

"Just forget it. I have no more questions. I know enough." He sneers, looking out the window. Justin is so childish. I mean, he couldn't possibly be hurt by learning about me and Jeremy right? What did he think, we go around kissing each other on the cheek and giving light hugs?

"Fine. What did you have to tell me Justin?" I nudge him and he inhales deeply, turning to face me again. Well, there you go. I'm convinced he's bi-polar. His mood just switched again. He looks nervous, almost apprehensive now. All the anger he had a second ago is practically gone. Talk about from one extreme to another.

"I asked Mallory to be my girlfriend." He drawls, searching my eyes for a reaction. What? He wants me to bawl and say how could he and profess some unrequited love for him? Yeah right. They were practically a couple anyway. So they gave their relationship a title now. Big surprise. "Berry do you even care?" He asks, touching my shoulders lightly.

"Not really. I'm not surprised." I lie, shrugging away from him. Of Course I care; I care a whole fucking lot, but, I don't want to think of how fucked up we both are right now.

"God you're confusing. But whatever. I'm just letting you know."

"Where are we going Justin?" I inquire, needing a change of topic before I literally scream out in frustration.

"You'll see; we're almost there."

Suddenly, the limo comes to a halt and the grin that was on his face earlier is back. I hear the limo driver announce ‘we're here' and as I look out the window to figure out where we are, all I can see is pitch black with a few lingering lights in the distance.

"You're not going to murder me are you Justin?" I joke and he just arches his brows at me before he swings the door open and pulls me out with him.

Finally adjusting to my surroundings, I realize we're on a pier.

"Wow, what are we doing here?" I ask in awe as I look around the large illuminated pier, seeing all the anchored boats and yachts and hearing the waves crash against the wooden fort.

"You'll see. Come on." Gripping my hand tightly, Justin leads me down the wooden pier leaving his limo driver behind. It's not long before I hear the vehicle come to life and pull away. Ok, now I'm panicking. Maybe he is going to kill me. Maybe Justin is psychotic too. Oh god I hope not.

"Relax." He chuckles. "I'm not going to hurt you...yet." He laughs out loud throwing his head back when I hit his shoulder.

"Not helping Ju."

"I thought you trust me." He pouts.

"I do, but this place is eerily quiet."

"I thought you liked quiet."

"I do, just, shut up Justin." I giggle.

"Ok, well, we're here." He voices as we come to a halt in the middle of the pier.

"What? Here where?" I ask looking around.

"Why do you always ask me that? Here berry, look." He turns me around to face a large white Yacht and my eyes bulge out of their sockets.

"Oh my god!" I clasp my hands over my mouth as I feel the tears rapidly coming to the surface. "What is this?" I choke out in awe.

"You like it?" He has a warm smile on his face as he takes in my reactions.

"I love it but...but...oh my god!" I mutter, too shocked to really process what's happening.

"I thought you might." He beams, pulling me to the stairs of the Yacht.

"Justin it has my name...well sort of" I belt. It really does. It has on the side J.T's Berry written in big bold letters with the drawing of the strawberry fruit and my initials J.G. inside the fruit. Oh my god. What is wrong with him? Why did he do this? Holy shit. Oh my god! Is he insane? "Oh my god!" I scream again, rushing up the stairs and leaving Justin behind.

Standing on the deck, I look around still feeling like I'm in some sort of dream. The wooden floor under my feet is carved to perfection, giving off a radiant glow. It's ‘out of this world'.

Justin finally comes into sight and he's enjoying seeing me act like an idiot. He just won't stop laughing will he?

"Justin are you crazy? How could you spend your money on me like this?" I inquire as the tears begin to flow freely now.

He instantly seizes his laugher and a frown is now plastered on his adorable face. "You don't like it?"

"I...I told you I love it but why?"

"Well I explained I would take me forever to make up for how I've hurt you. I meant what I said berry. Every word. I really am sorry for hurting you. I figured this would be a good start." He shrugs, walking around me to look out over the balcony.

"So you bought me Yacht?!" I scream incredulously. Are you shitting me? This is unbelievable. What would anyone say if they found out? God, people will think we really do have something going on. I could kick him for being so stupid but that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. That man is truly something special to do all this for me.

"Yeah, calm down girl." He chortles, coming over to me and gripping unto my waist. "Should I assume those to be tears of joy?"

"No. Yes. I don't know! Thank you Justin. This is the sweetest thing ever. I'm just so shocked. Oh my god. I can't believe you got me a Yacht. Wait, how do we get it back to Florida?" I ask curiously.

"Don't worry about it. I've got it covered. And you're welcome. Just enjoy your time with it now. Come on let's get inside so I can show you around." He leans down and kisses my lips softly but for some reason I don't want him to pull away. Latching unto his neck I feel his breath catch in his throat as he tries to pull away.

"Berry stop. Let me show you around." He mutters against my lips, before he breaks away.

Smiling sheepishly, I allow him to lead me inside and I instantly get a whiff of my signature sent. He really went all out. But what does it all mean? The décor has a light strawberry red and white color scheme. All the couches are off white with clear protective covers so they don't get dirty. There's a cute light red velvet rug and everything is just so beautiful and plush. I still can't believe he did this. I can't believe this is mine. Justin never ceases to surprise or amaze me.

****

I knew she'd love my surprise. You have no idea the shit I had to do to pull this off. Trace said I was crazy and whipped but how is that possible when Zara and I never even had sex? I guess that just makes the term all the more worse for me. I still can't believe she and Jeremy fucked. I'm royally pissed off by that and green with jealously. If I didn't hate him before, I certainly hate gym boy now. He has to go. No if, ands or buts about it.

On a side note, I just had to get out that Yolanda kicked ass tonight and I'm very proud of her. But that's the last thing on my mind right now...

I spent the first few minutes giving berry the grand tour and we're now seating on the overly huge couch sipping on champagne. This is how we should always be. Getting along and not at each other's throats. I'm starting to question my feelings towards her. I mean, I never got my other girlfriends a Yacht before. This is a first for me and Zara's not even my girlfriend. I've bought past girlfriends lavish gifts like cars and jewelry, but there's just something a little more personal and intimate about your own private Yacht. Damn I sound pathetic. I really do.

I mean she's with her gym boy and I'm with Mallory, but, but somehow I'm willing to look past that. I think Zara and I both know we want to be with each other even if we don't voice it. I also think we both know our relationships are just for show to keep the public off our backs for now. I'm very well aware that we are being deceitful to the person's involved but at this point in time with the way I'm feeling, I could risk it.

"So, where are we sailing to first?" She jokes, sipping on her champagne lightly.

"Well, I was thinking...how about the Caribbean?" I honestly ask. I haven't asked her to come on vacation with me yet, but I think I'll ask her now.

Tensing, she places her glass down on the center table. "My Aunt lives in the Caribbean." She grumbles in a ruthful manner.

"I'm aware of that now." I add. I thought she'd be happy. At least she'd get to visit her aunt right? So why is she so uptight?

"We don't really get along Ju. I can't even remember the last time I heard her voice. All she sends are the occasional post cards."

"Oh...well what island is she on? We won't go to that one. But I was thinking a Caribbean cruise would be nice." She's eyeing me oddly now. I guess I'm off topic.

"What are you even talking about?" Taking a seat next to me, she awaits my answer and I lift my arms, pulling her close to me.

"How do you feel about accompanying me on vacation?" I ask hopefully. Please say yes.

"What?" She enquires unenthusiastically. "Why Ju? Why do you want me to come? What would we tell anyone who asks?"

"I've got it figured and planned out berry don't worry. All I need is for you to say yes and help me pick a getaway spot. You're my assistant now right? It's part of your job." I wriggle my eye brows at her as she giggles, burring her head in my chest. I think she might be a little tipsy with all the champagne she drank. She's giggling maniacally. God she's crazy. But I love it.

Bowing my head I'm still waiting for an answer. "So will you go?"

Sobering up, she lifts her head and plants a kiss on my lips I willingly accept. "Is that a yes?" I mutter through kisses.

"Uh huh..." She coos, before breaking away. "You taste nice." She states haphazardly.

"Ok and that is your cue to stop drinking. No more champagne." I laugh at her, stretching forward to place the cock back on the bottle.

"Whatever." She slurs, cuddling against my chest with her arms draped around my waist. "I'm tired. Can we stay here and head home later?" She lets out in a light yawn.

"Sure. Do you want to watch a movie?" I suggest bowing my head to look at her mass of curls and tired face.

"Hell yeah. What do you have?"

"Titanic." I grin.

"How fitting considering we're here floating on water." She states sarcastically, smiling up at me. "Well, put it on. You know I love that movie."

"Don't I know it. I'm thinking it's just Leo you like." I get to watch him die so it's cool with me. I know I'm evil.

"You found me out! He's the sexiest man alive!" She gasps playfully and I poke her sides.

"Hey! I happen to think I'm sexier and better looking thank you very much." I defend, chortling when she groans.

"You are Ju. You're right. You are." She yawns again.

Smiling widely, I snuggle up next to her as I grab a remote and press a button that brings out the entertainment system from behind the wall.

"Cool." Zara voices and I nod in agreement, before I switch to the movie and hit the play button.

"Three to four hours of a sappy love story. You owe me berry." I growl under my breath, but honestly, I don't mind sitting here with her in silence watching the movie.

"Just be quiet and enjoy it. This is nice. Me and you alone, just relaxing in this lavish yacht as we listen to the crashing waves while watching Titanic." She giggles, as I stare at the opening credits on the screen.

"Yeah it's nice. I wouldn't have it any other way." I breathe out contently, tightening my grip around her waist as she lies on my stomach with her head on my chest.

Sighing heavily, she moans an ‘uh huh' in agreement as she lifts her head to kiss me lightly on the neck. "I wouldn't have it any other way either Ju. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it."

Smiling down at her I don't bother to answer. She already knows I would do it again in a heartbeat with less judgment on my part. Instead, I place a kiss on her forehead as we proceed to watch the movie. However, with the way Zara keeps yawning, I'm betting she'll be knocked out cold before half the movie is done. The thought of actually getting to witness her sound asleep at her most vulnerable moment brings a smile to my face. I most definitely wouldn't have it any other way.

****

Quotes by: Unknown.

Next day...

Sunday Night...

Hollywood LA...

Voice of Reason

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter; The heart has reasons that reason does not understand; For, deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."

I should maybe clear the air now since I didn't get a chance to before. You see, I'd like to think that not only am I a man of many talents but also a man with many hidden agendas. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I guess once it works in my favor it's good. Anyway, so I've been up all night trying to figure out why I got the gift I bought for Zara. I mean, sure it was my way of apologizing, but I'm guessing flowers and a box of chocolate could have done the trick.

Well, not really. I'm not old fashioned. I'd like to say I'm new age in my techniques to conquer the opposite sex. However, there is a reason behind me getting that yacht. It barely cost me a dime too. In fact, I got it for less than I would pay for a car. Like I said, I had to pull some serious strings and a few people owed me favors, but that's not important to get into. Zara doesn't need to know that though. It's the thought that counts right? Sure, it's hers and I'll be giving her the certificate of ownership and everything for the water vessel, but I have plans of enjoying this baby myself.

I'm not crazy despite what people may think. Justin Timberlake is just always one step ahead. Now, I'm praying that berry will go for this cruise because I have the entire ten weeks we'll be gone all planned out. I guess you could say my plan wasn't for us to take a commercial cruise. I figured a private cruise on a private yacht with our own personal captain and crew would suffice well enough. Plus, it gives us all the time together in the world. Something I know we won't have when I get back and I'm constantly in the studio. I just really want to spend some one on one time with her so we can get to know each other better. Plus, there are tons of sites to see on all our island stops. I can't wait. I'm thinking we could go after new years. That would be the perfect birthday gift. Besides, I'm seriously considering making us legit. I guess I want to see how things turn out with us before I make any rash decisions in the relationship department. I've done enough of that already. And even though we have significant others, when we're gone on vacation it's just going to be the two of us.

But, I think I'm going to wait till the last minute to inform Zara on just how we'll cruise the Caribbean Sea. I doubt she'll go along with it if I told her in advance. What's one more surprise right? Right.

I'm a genius. I always knew I was. Trace could learn a thing or two from me. It doesn't always work out if you are constantly honest. You'd think he got the picture by now.

Anyway, I've just about packed up the last of my stuff. The limo should be here shortly to take us to my private Jet at the airport. It's Sunday night and we're getting ready to head back to Florida. I can't believe this trip is over so soon. Ah, back to Tennman. Working with berry again is going to be awkward. But I'll get through it. I always do. I'm kind of liking this sneaking around thing and we haven't even gotten to my favorite parts yet. I have no doubt things will work in our favor. They've already begun to. Johnny finally tracked down those two friends who took out the photos of berry and I. He called me this morning with the details. He said he came to an agreement with the two girls and negotiated with them so the photos won't get published. I always knew there was nothing to worry about. Everything always works in my favor.

"Are we leaving or what? I'm getting restless." Trace whines, dragging himself into my room and plopping down on the bed.

"In a minute." I mutter, putting my last items in my suitcase.

"So, you and Zara came home early this morning..."

"Before you even go there, nothing happened. We just chilled and then fell asleep." I inform and he just keeps staring at me equably.

"Ok. Well how did she like her ‘surprise?'" He asks, making air quotation marks with his fingers.

"She loved it. She even cried." I explain, zipping everything up and placing my luggage by my room door. "It was cute."

"I see, yet you have no hand prints on your face from any type of slap or physical abuse." He quips, smiling brightly when I stare at him dumfounded.

"Why would I?" I inquire, wiping at the thin lining of sweat on my forehead due to my previous activity.

"Oh I don't know Justin. She's not yours so that means you bought another man's woman a pretty spectacular gift." Trace pauses when I glare at him with heated eyes. I have an idea where he is going with this and I'm not in the mood. "I mean, did you tell Zara why you got the yacht? Did you tell her your initial drive to get the damn thing in the first place? ‘Cause I'm thinking she'd hate your guts if she knew."

Standing up straight, I inhale sharply refusing to make eye contact with Trace. He's being an asshole now. He's pissing me off. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about man."

"Sure you do. What other reason could you have to want to sail the fucking Caribbean with her on that thing? You're all about shaking up right J? You just want to bang her brains out with no interruptions. I'm betting half the time the two of you won't even leave the damn boat." He snaps grudgingly.

"Green isn't your color my friend." I laugh at him. "And you're wrong. That wasn't my intention."

"Justin are you serious right now? I've known you our whole lives. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, so you turned partly soft over her, but the old Justin is still there. The Justin that still thinks a lot with his dick when it comes to the females is still alive and well."

"Why the fuck do you even care Trace? I genuinely like Zara. I just want us to spend some time together away from all the commotion and speculation. I'm not taking her on this trip just to get in her pants. That's low even for me man. You're wrong ok?" I hiss, moving away from him to gather a few loose items.

"Sure, you genuinely like her now. Before, you couldn't stand her. And when you did stand her, all you wanted to do was fuck her. So, she grew on you and I'm happy about that because she doesn't take your shit. But I know for a fact, the thought of you two getting down and dirty is a contributing factor in this little trip. Just don't hurt her man. Don't break her heart like you've done to so many unsuspecting victims in the past. I've been there with you Justin. I know what your twisted mind is capable of. I mean look at how you're doing Mallory. I won't back you up or get you out of this one. I won't. Zara's a sweet girl." Trace warns, standing from his seating position on my bed. I can't even fucking believe we are having this conversation right now. What does he take me for? I would never think of using Zara in that way for my own personal gain. What kind of person does he think I am?

"Glad to see where your loyalty in our friendship lies." I sneer.

"Oh I'm being a loyal friend. I'm not sugar coating shit. I'm telling you as it is. Don't hurt Zara Justin. You'll be an asshole if you do. You'd lose someone great if you do. I know you're still battling with your feelings towards her because you still view her as being different. And, even though you will never voice it out loud or pretend to not be worried, you care about your image a whole lot. Being linked to an African American woman who's not your average ‘Hollywood size' would be difficult for someone like you in the business. You know the type of attention you all will face. I know it's got you scared and Zara...well I feel for her you know? She won't deal well. Just don't break her heart man." Trace explains and I frown in thought. What about my feelings? What about my heart? Zara's the one playing with my heart strings, not the other way around. She's the one in control right now. He should know that.

"You know I would never hurt her intentionally Trace. You know that man." I sigh, as his words sink into my system leaving a bitter after thought. He's right. I'm still worried about our differences. I'm not shallow because I see Zara for the precious diamond she is inside and out. It's the people on the outside looking in I'm worried about. I mean, I know we're in a new age where people are more united despite culture, religion or race. But, the judgment and prejudice is still there. Even though it's masked in society, it still exists. I'm not sure if we'll ever fully get away from it. I would never want Zara to undergo any type of criticism be it her skin color or weight. I wouldn't be able to deal with that shit and people's ignorance. I care about her too much to allow that to happen. When you're famous and in the public's eye, everything is magnified ten times over.

"I know you won't hurt her intentionally. But shit happens Justin. Just be careful and remember what I said man. Anyway, the limo is maybe here waiting. I'll check." Trace struts over to me, patting my back lightly before he leaves me alone in my room with my thoughts. And believe me when I say, I have a lot to think about right now. I wonder if berry is packed and ready. She should be. I heard her downstairs with Yolanda earlier. I just need this long ass flight to be over with so I can get a good night's sleep in my own bed.

****

Hours later...Late Sunday Night...Somewhere close to Orlando, FL

"I'm so excited to get home. Are we almost there?" I nudge Justin's side to get his attention. He seems to be deep in thought just staring out the plane's window, looking at the night's sky.

"I heard you the first ten times berry." He chuckles. "We'll be there soon." Turning to face me, he smiles but then his smile suddenly morphs into a frown. I hate those lines on his smooth forehead. I wish he'd smile more. "I need to ask you something."

"Oh no, you're not going into bi-polar mode again are you? I think you should really check on that." I muse and he shakes his head no, not bothering to entertain my joke. Ok, something is really bothering him.

"Could you see us together?" Justin blurts out, grabbing a hold of my hand. Looking around the cabin, I notice everyone is preoccupied in their seats. Trace is in some conversation with Mike and Lonnie and Yolanda is deep into her ipod. No one seems to be paying us any mind.

"Justin now is not the time..."

"I need to know Zara. Could you see you and me in a relationship? Would you be willing to face all the speculation?" He has a saddened expression on his face. Why does he always search my eyes for the answer? What do I say to that?

"Justin I'm with Jeremy and you're with Mallory." I state the obvious.

"I know that. But this is not about them. It's about me and you." He stresses, letting my hand go and resting back in his seat. "I'm falling for you Zara and it's scaring the shit out of me." He mutters under his breath in a light whisper.

Wait, wait...holy...hold up. Did he just say what I think he did? He's falling for me? What does that mean? "Wh...wh...what?" I stammer, staring at him with wide eyes. Where the hell did that come from? Does he suffer from split personalities too? I'm not sure. The Justin I knew before we came to LA and the one returning to Florida now are two very different people. Oh my god, what's really happening here? I...I can't deal with this.

"You heard. You still haven't answered." Connecting his blues to me, he has a weary expression on his face. This is really hard for him.

"Did something happen?" I inquire, trying to avoid the situation.

"Let's just say, the voice of reason can come in the oddest package. Mine just happened to be a ‘midget' I like to call my best friend." Smiling for me sheepishly, he shrugs his shoulders looking out the window again. So, Trace has something to do with his personality swap? I'm intrigued.

"Justin...I...I don't know how or what to tell you really."

"I asked you a yes or no question. I'd expect you to tell me yes or no. Could you see us together?" His back is facing me while he continues to stare into the darkness outside, with only the stars illuminating the sky.

"It's not that simple Justin." I exhale, touching his arm softly. "You know it's not that simple."

"But it could be berry. We could just end all this before it gets out of hand. Why couldn't it be that simple?" Turning to face me, he snakes his hands around my waist resting the side of our heads together. Looking straight ahead, I clear my throat wondering why I'm about to divulge this next statement. Before I can stop myself it spills out.

"Look Ju. I have feelings for you too. We've been through this. But I can't just. I can't just drop everything for you."

"You could drop your precious Jer." He snaps.

"No, because you see I can't. I'm not sure how things are for you and Mallory, but I've actually developed deep feelings for Jeremy too. God, I'm so confused. I just. I don't know what to do."

Breathing deeply, Justin remains quiet listening to me without saying anything.

"I'm scared Ju. I'm scared to give into my feelings for you. It just...I won't be able to deal with your lifestyle. I, I won't survive it. All the rumors and criticism if we were together publicly. Why can't we be how we are now? If no one knows things will be fine. I can deal with you and Mallory. As long as I have you too." God, I'm talking crazy. My mind is jumbled right now. Too many thoughts.

"Are you hearing yourself? You're ok with infidelity? This isn't like you at all Jahzara. What happened to the shy, reserved woman who was too scared to even talk to me? I thought I would be ok with all this but I'm not sure anymore." He finally voices.

"People change Justin. Ju, as long as I know I have you I'm ok with that." I can't tell him he had a major effect in changing me.

I can't tell him that the pain of just a few words scared me for life. My childhood was rough. I never speak of it, but I was always bullied because of the way I looked. I was taller than the average girl in school and I was big. The kids always called me half-cast because of my mixture in race, since I attended an all black school. Fucked up right? Justin has no idea his words just placed the icing on the cake. I forgave him, and I'm over it. And I trust now he'd never make that mistake again. I trust him. But I'll never forget. Whenever I'm depressed, all the torment I've suffered in my life makes its way to the surface of my thoughts. I can't shake them. It's screwed me up so bad. I just, I care about him. But, I'm not sure I'm willing to put up with all this.

"Well I'm not Zara. I'm not ok with having just part of you. You shouldn't be either."

"We haven't even done anything except kiss Ju."

"How long do you think that's going to last with the level of our attraction? I don't know. I'm kind of trying to make it last as long as possible now which is a switch from how I was before." He solely admits.

"Really? Why?"

"Because, I view you as someone worth more than that berry. I don't want to share you with another man." Justin spits furiously.

"Do we have to do this now? I'm not yours Ju. Someone else has that position. You either take me as I am or don't Justin. It's not like you can't have anyone you want. You don't have to put up with me. I'm the one who's never the ideal pick." I spew, causing him to let me go and shift more to his side. Keeping to myself and pushing people away is my only defense. It's the only way I can protect myself from getting hurt.

"I'm not letting you go just because you won't listen to reason. I'm not sure what's gotten into you but I don't like it."

"Damn it! I'm still me Ju."

"No! Because the Zara I know wouldn't play with someone like that. How can you care about Jeremy and still say you want to be with me behind his back?" Turning in my direction, he shakes his head sadly. "You're different berry. I wish I knew why."

"I'm still me Justin. Damn it! You were all for this now you have a change of heart?" I raise my voice subconsciously. "You think this is easy for me? You have no fucking idea what I go through on a daily basis. Just, just drop it. I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. If you don't care anymore then just forget about me." I belt, noticing Trace turn in our direction.

"I'm not letting you go. You're just stubborn. You'll come to your senses soon enough. You'll see we can't keep doing this. I have patience. I'll still be here when you need me. Just, know that ok?" Sighing heavily, he shuts his eyes tightly, sinking into the leather seats. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, but before I can ask why Trace interrupts.

"Are you two ok? I heard you arguing." Trace enquires, keeping his gaze on Justin.

"We're fine Trace. Don't worry about it." I assure him, placing my hands on his waist and pushing him away.

"Ok just, try to get along huh? You two are practically going to be glued at the waist. Anyway, I can see lights below. We should be landing soon." Trace makes his way back to his seat, informing everyone else that Justin and I are fine. I guess they were worried too.

I know I'm really messed up right now. I know Justin seems like the obvious choice here. But the fact that my feelings are so tangled up and unsure about him, I don't know. I mean, we just, we constantly fuck up the other person and hurt each other with our harsh words. We really aren't healthy for each other. Jeremy doesn't cause me this much distress. He really is a good man. He doesn't get under my skin and pull at my sanity like that. He doesn't drive me crazy. He just...he's just there. He's safe. He just cares for me. That's all I really want right now, but Justin isn't capable of that. I don't want to get hurt. Justin has too much going on. I hate to say it, but I feel like I'm becoming numb to my feelings and the pain I've felt most of my life. Maybe I'm mistaken. I'm not sure. I just wish I had a sign. I just wish someone could help me and tell me what to do.

I know what I need to do. I know exactly what to do now. I need Malcolm. I need to tell him. I need his input on things. He's all I have. I can't do this alone. Not when I know it's possible I could be falling in love with two men at the same time. Oh god...

Placing my head in my hands, I hear the pilot over the intercom stating that we'll be landing and to fasten our seat belts. I don't pay attention to him though. I just need off this damn jet. I need to be as far away from any human life as possible. I just need to be alone.

"Berry..." Justin touches the side of my face, placing some hair behind my ears. "Zara." He says firmly when I don't answer. "Fasten your seat belt." His voice echoes through my ears, causing me to lift my head.

"Yeah."

"Are you ok?" His unnerving stare that Trace has also mastered so well is putting me on edge.

"I'm fine Ju." I state, buckling my seat belt securely around my waist.

"I didn't mean to pressure you or..."

"It's ok. You were just being honest and reasonable. I'm glad you said what you did."

"Are you sure?" He asks furrowing his brows at me.

"Positive." I give him a weak smile, placing a light kiss on his cheek, just as I feel the Jet descending. Stretching over Justin, I can see the lights of the runway and silently say a pray of thanks that I'm finally back home.

"We'll get through this ok? Everything will be fine. Don't worry about it." He skims the back of my neck giving me a reassuring smile. "In the mean time, just focus on your career and Yolanda ok? It's going to get crazy." He chortles.

Feeling the Jet's wheels connect with the runway, we bounce up a bit from the contact. Looking over at Justin and how gorgeous he always seems to be, even with his tired, sleepy eyes, I know things will be far from ok. At least for me. "I know Ju. I know."

*

After we gather our luggage, everyone is escorted into the airport terminal where I see Malcolm, and Mallory waiting. Jeremy didn't come? I guess he's caught up with family still. Malcolm waves ‘hi' to the gang before he focuses on me.

"Zary!" Malcolm yells, rushing over and engulfing me in a tight hug, spinning me around. Dropping my bags, I hug him back inhaling his familiar sent. God, I've missed my bro. I feel like crying right now.

"Hey Malky. I've missed you." I beam.

"You too girl. Let me look at you." Letting me go, he steps back to eye me and scowls. "Have you even been eating? You look like you're wasting away. You look good sis. Lost some good weight too." He jokes, walking back over to me.

"Ha! Thanks, but I'm still your ‘big' lovable sis." I kiss him on his cheeks as he grabs my luggage.

"That you are. Wait till I fatten you up again with my cooking." He muses and I lash him on his shoulder.

"Whatever." I groan.

"I've missed you Justy." Mallory coos, pulling Justin into a tight hug.

Cringing at her voice, I look over to Justin, Trace, Mike, Lonnie and Yolanda. Justin is hugging Mallory back but he's watching in my direction. Why is he doing this to me? Rolling my eyes, I overhear Yolanda yelling on the phone to someone.

"Gamy what do you mean he forgot I was coming in today? Uhhg! It's always business with Dad! Where's mom? What!? Her too? Fine. No Fine!" Slamming the phone shut, Yolanda screams under her breath stomping her feet angrily.

"Yolanda we could take you home." I hear Trace suggest with a sympathy smile.

"I guess. Thanks." Flipping her hair back, she grabs her stuff walking over to them.

"Ready to go Zary?" Malcolm whispers, diverting my attention back to him.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Let's go." I state. "Let me just tell everyone bye." It's going to be weird heading back to my old life, but then again, my life isn't going to be the same.

Walking over to the group, I clear my throat to grasp their attentions. Mallory is the first to face me with a smirk. "You look good Jahzara. Dropped some pounds I see." She smiles sweetly.

"Uh yeah thanks." I quickly reply. "Just saying bye guys. I'll see you all soon." I smile for the group, looking over at Justin who's staring directly at me with his hands in his jeans pockets.

"Bye Zar-bear. Don't be a stranger you hear? Come visit me, you got my address. And if you don't find me at my home, I'm maybe at Justin's" Trace laughs, pulling me into a hug.

"Ok Tracey-poo." Pulling away, I tell Yolanda, Mike and Lonnie bye. "I'll see you all."

"Bye ber...Zara. I'll see you at work in three weeks since that's when you start your new job. We have some restructuring to do so...Safe ride home." Justin smiles at me but keeps his distance, since Mallory has her arms around his waist.

Giving him a tight smile, I nod as I turn to walk away. Three weeks with no Justin. Well it's not like I didn't already know that. I just forgot about the whole restructuring and getting my office prepared. I can already see Malcolm heading towards the parking area for pick ups and drop offs so, I pick up my pace to catch up.

"Hey Zara! Hold up."

Turning around, I see Justin jogging up to me.

"What's up Ju?" I ask, clutching unto my side bag.

"Here...something to remember me by." He says with humor. Opening my hand, he drops an item in my palms, smiling and turning to walk away.

Glancing down at the object I narrow my eyes. "A key ring?" I call out to his retreating form befuddled.

Whipping around mid-step, he shrugs with a chuckle. "Look closer." He instructs; waving bye before he turns around and sprints back to his group who's getting ready to depart the airport as well.

Laughing at his usual craziness, I pick up the key ring flipping it over. Studying it intently, I begin to smile and continue walking, finally making it out to where Malcolm is parked.

Justin is chalk full of surprises. I can't believe he gave me a key ring with a picture embedded in it of us kissing in the LA stadium parking lot at the Lakers game we went to. How did he even get his hands on this? I'm assuming they found the owner of the photos. You can't see our faces from the angle of the photo, but I know it's his hummer and the clothes are exactly what we were wearing that day. Placing the key ring securely in my hand bag, I head over to Malcolm.

Laughing lightly to myself, I hop into the passenger side of Malcolm's ride as he comes into the driver's seat after he loads my luggage. Bringing the car to life, he pulls out of the parking spot, turning on the radio.

"So you had fun? You know I want details." Malcolm states; pulling into the far lane to exit the airport.

"Yeah, I had fun. I'll tell you how it went. But right now, I just want to head home and sleep." I yawn lightly.

"Ok Zary. Well you can rest now. Just relax." Is the last thing he says, patting my jeans clad leg before he remains silent for the rest of the ride.

Giving a lazy smile, I listen closely as the DJ announces the next track to be Jay Holiday's: Bed, that's taking the air waves by storm. I actually like that song. It's really nice. Listening to the words as his smooth voice floats through the speakers, I shut my eyes tightly getting lost in my memories.

....Flashback.....

Justin stops at a red light, and I listen intently as the radio DJ switches the track over to Jay Holiday's ‘Bed'. I still can't believe Justin's bringing me home after my car broke down.

"What the hell man?" I hear him laugh loudly before groaning, causing me to divert my attention to him.

"What?" I ask, darting my eyes to the dials on the radio.

"Nothing." He shrugs, still smiling to himself for whatever reason.

"You don't like the song? I think it's a sexy way of a guy telling his girl he loves her. Don't you?" I smile at him in amusement and we briefly lock eyes before he turns his attention back to the road.

Chortling, he shakes his head agreeing with me. "I like it." He replies.

"Cool." And with that, my attention is back out the window again. I'm well aware he likes the song. I think he was blushing too. I wonder what that was about...

*

... "I certainly don't regret the night we danced at Tim's club. It was meant to happen. We wouldn't be here together if it didn't. I also can't wait to act out the most famous words of Jay holiday that's been playing in my mind since that night at Tim's club." He divulges and chuckles when I give him a confused look.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. I'm not following. I'm completely lost right now.

"It's nothing. Forget about it." He laughs.

"Whatever Ju." I giggle, dismissing his craziness...

.....End Flashback.....

Opening my eyes, I dart them around the ride. Landing on Malcolm, I can see he's deep in concentration focusing on the road. Smiling to myself, I look out the window at all the bright lights and various billboards. Sighing in thought, I giggle softly when the last ballads of the song flow into my ears, hitting my ear drums with full force.

Looking down at my nails, I let out a long, rooted breath resting back in my seat as I whisper to myself. "You really are something Ju."

****

Quotes by: James Earl Jones, Jacques Benigne Bossuel & Unknown

18 days later...

Thursday Night...

At Jeremy's

Orlando, FL

Jahzara's P.O.V

No Holding Back - Part 1

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."

"You're not taking that job Zara!"

"Yes I am Jeremy! God, what is wrong with you?"

"Aren't you all supposed to hate each other? Why do you even care? You and Justin don't get along." Jeremy screams at me.

"We're trying to. I mean, this could be good for us. We could...bond." I choke out, reversing away from Jeremy. He has this maniacal glimmer in his eyes I've never seen before. "Look Jer. I haven't even seen or spoken to him in over two weeks." I explain.

"I don't care Zara! I don't like you two spending so much time together. You start work next week. Something just doesn't seem right here." He hisses, walking forward.

"Look Jer. You're upset. We'll talk about this tomorrow. I'm just going to leave." Grabbing my purse I turn for the exit of Jeremy's condo, but he grabs unto my arm roughly spinning me around.

"You're not leaving Z. I'm not done yet. And I'm not upset Zara. Ok, maybe a little but jealous would be closer along the lines." He snaps, digging into my flesh. Damn it, why does his hold have to always be so rough?

"Listen Jer.."

"Shut up Zara! Damn it! Are you cheating on me with Justin? Is that it? Because I care about you Zara. I don't want to lose you."

Staring into his eyes I can see the redness in them. When I came over here I was hoping we could spend some time together but, now I'm regretting my decision. He's clearly high. I'm a little scared to find out what he's high on. I never pictured Jeremy as the kind who takes drugs. Something is very wrong. And, when I showed up about half an hour ago, he began ranting on about me and him and our future together. Can we say creepy?

So, honestly, I'm the reason I haven't seen or heard from or spoken to Justin in over two weeks. I've been avoiding him like the plague...especially when I saw photos of him and Mallory gracing the television screen and tabloids. The public has successfully forgotten about me. They're now centralized on Justin's new ‘girl toy'. I should be thrilled but I'm not. I miss him. I really do. I've ignored all his calls and voicemails. He's really trying you know? I can tell he cares because he won't stop calling me. He won't stop leaving me voicemails, begging for me to call him back. He seems like he's suffering. I'm not sure why. I've told Malcolm everything and he was ready to head over to Justin's and beat him to a pulp. I think he hates Justin now. I don't see why. Ju hasn't really done anything wrong.

Malcolm actually wishes I would quit my job. Some brother right? He's supposed to support his sister and all her spontaneous whims, but he pushes me to the side because of his own issues he's having with my boss. Ah yes, Justin is still undoubtedly my employer. Now more than ever. I'm not looking forward to learning about my job description and what it entails to be his assistant. I just hope I can survive it.

"Earth to Jahzara! Are you fucking listening to me?" Jeremy grips unto my shoulders shaking me violently. "What is wrong with you? Where is your head? You better not be thinking about him!"

You have no idea how terrified and shocked I am right now by my supposed boyfriend. I'm staring at him dumfounded as I blink slowly. I'm having a hard time digesting what's going on. It's happening too fast. He's completely gone mental on me. I've never seen him this worked up before. I think the drugs have something to do with it.

"I'm just going to leave Jer. You're high. You need some rest." I force myself out of his hold, ruffling my black t-shirt and cotton shorts. I didn't dress up to come here. I just wanted us to hang out, but that's not happening because Jeremy is bitching. I'm wondering why it took him until now to stress over Justin like this. Did something happen I don't know about?

"NO! I won't allow that. Do you know what I found out Zara?" he sneers, approaching me with blazing eyes.

"You're crazy and high! I don't want to hear this, I'm leaving..." Whipping around, I grip unto the door handle, but before I can twist the knob, I feel his strong arms around my waist hoisting me off the ground.

"Let me go! What has gotten into you?" I belt, clawing at his arms as he effortlessly brings me further into the condo.

"Just stop! Do you know what the fuck I found out Zara?" He snaps vehemently.

"Shut up!" I wail, covering my ears.

"Tell me something isn't going on with you two. Because for Justin to buy you a fucking yacht, there has to be something there."

Gasping loudly, I cease my struggling as he tosses me unto a nearby couch. How did he find out?

"Didn't think I knew? I know a lot Zara, but this topped the fucking cake. Have you slept with him? Has he...has he..."

"No! god! It was just a harmless gift." I think I'm trembling now. I need to get out of here. This man has turned into a monster.

"Bullshit! Don't lie to me. Don't! You came home the next morning Zara! Am I supposed to believe nothing happened?"

"You're spying on me now?" I ask incredulously.

"Don't change the subject."

"No! Just let me leave. I don't have to sit here and listen to this." Standing on my feet, Jeremy jacks me roughly, pushing me back down. I can feel my rage building in my system.

"Don't push me like that! You have not right!" I yell standing and punching his arms to get him out of the way.

"The hell! Just sit down." Now he's manhandling me. Only Justin can get away with that. Not Jeremy.

"I'm leaving." I enforce, shoving at his chest.

"No you are not!" Jeremy snaps and in a split second my world is turned upside down. I think time just stopped. All I can hear now is our erratic breathing. What just happened?

Stumbling back a bit, I can feel the tears flowing down my cheeks as I grip the side of my face. "You...you...you hit me?" I spit with detest. "Oh my god." I mutter, clutching unto the sore spot. I didn't even see it coming. It was too quick to comprehend. I do know that I felt his hand connect with my jaw. He backhanded me. That bastard.

"Oh my god. Oh shit. Zar...I...I'm...I'm sorry." Jeremy instantly sobers up and I can see his eyes glistening as he plops down like a lump on his living room floor. "I'm sorry." He mumbles. What is wrong with him?

"Asshole!" I hiss, storming for the front door. He sounds like a broken record just repeating ‘I'm sorry'. Swinging the door open with haste, I turn around to look at him. He's not looking at me. He's just on the floor staring off into space. He's not trying to stop me. I should be thrilled, but I'm still scared.

Not wasting any time, I step out of the condo, slamming the door shut. Sprinting to my car, I hop in and bring the contraption to life, speeding out the parking spot.

Getting unto the freeway, I touch my cheek lightly and instantly breakdown. "Oh my god, what just happened? Oh my fucking..." Sucking up my sobs, I look at my ringing cell. It was attached to my side the entire time. Glancing at the caller ID I realize it's Justin. "Oh no. Not now." He's the reason why I'm in this mess. I was kind of hoping it was Jeremy calling to apologize. That was some Jerry Springer shit that just went down.

I can't go home. I have a fair complexion. I'm almost certain the side of my face is turning purple right now. Malcolm would flip out. I can't have my brother committing homicide in a fit of anger. The call finally goes to my voicemail and I breathe a sigh of relief. What do I do? I need out. I need..."Trace!"

That's it. I'll go by Trace. He'll know what I should do. Instantly making a U-turn and being cussed out by other drivers, I head in the direction of Trace's house.

On my way there, I pick up my cell phone to listen to the voicemail Justin just left. I think that was a mistake because I'm full out bawling right now. I can't even breathe right and my tears are blinding my vision.

"Berry, please talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Why won't you return my calls? I'm worried about you. I hope everything is alright..." I can hear him pause, taking in deep breaths. Why does he always do this to me? "I miss you berry. I'm going fucking crazy not being able to be around you, or touch you or smell your familiar sent...I need you...just...please call me back..." Justin whispers into the line before I hear him hang up.

I don't bother to listen to my voicemail commands on what I want to do next. Instead, I shut the phone and toss it in the back seat. Screw Trace right now. I need Justin. I need to see him. I just...god I'm a mess.

Finally turning into the street of Justin's neighborhood, I notice Trace's mansion but I pass it straight. Justin is about another fifteen minutes away. I'll talk to Trace another time. Besides, I think he'd freak out if he saw me right now. I've sort of been avoiding him too.

About twenty minutes later, I pull up to the main gates of Justin's estate and begin having flashbacks. The last time I was here was for his cookout with Jeffery Rush. That was the first time we kissed in his pool. That was the day before we left for LA. That was...over two months ago. Time changes everything. Justin thinks our little ‘attraction' started the night we danced at Tim's club, but for me, it all started when we shared that kiss. It terrified me because I never felt so many emotions in one single kiss before. And I think they are still present as we speak; only getting stronger...

"Zara?"

Snapping my head up, I wipe at my eyes when I hear Justin's familiar voice filter through his intercom system.

"Uh...yeah." I reply weakly.

"What are you doing here? I thought you hated me or something."

"I...uh...I...well..." What do I say?

"Still driving that white Celica I see." He laughs. God, I've missed that laugh.

"Whatever Ju." I smile up at the surveillance camera.

"You need an upgrade girl." He jokes, and before I can respond, the front gates to his estate ease open.

Well, this is the moment of truth. No holding back this time. I need everything out in the open. Though I'm not sure what exactly I'm doing here or going to say.

Parking in front of his stairway to his front door, I hop out and make my way up to his porch. Before I can knock, the door swings open and I'm greeted with a grinning Justin. His smile is so huge it stretches all the way to his eyes. I guess he's happy to see me. Bowing my head slightly, I begin to fiddle with my nails as I take in his tall form. He's wearing some grey slacks and a plain white t-shirt. His usual stay at home attire. His hair has grown out a lot more from the last time too.

"Hey stranger." Justin coos, reaching out to grasp my hand but I move away. "Berry what's wrong?"

Finally lifting my head to stare into his orbs, I watch at his eyes go from a light sea blue to a dark misty color. "Hi." I state meekly, not quite being able to place his current emotion.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Justin inquires, gripping my chin and turning my head into the light. "Oh my god." He gasps, tracing a pattern over my bruised cheek with his finger.

Flinching in pain, I smack his hand away. "That hurts." I whisper.

Locking eyes with me, he pulls me into his house slamming the door shut and locking it in the process. Leading me into the living room, he instructs me to sit before he disappears somewhere upstairs.

A few minutes later, he returns with a wash cloth filled with ice and some antiseptic. Taking a seat next to me, I watch intently as he focuses on my cheek not saying a word. Pouring some of the liquid substance on a piece of cotton, he looks directly at me before he places the cotton on my cheek, cleaning the wound. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take in air through my teeth when I feel the stinging pain shoot through my face.

"Sorry, but you have a light cut. Don't want it to get infected." He explains, gently passing the cotton over my cheek. When he's done, he takes the wash cloth with ice and places it in my hand. "Hold that against your face, it will help the swelling go down." He instructs and I obey without protesting. I mean, he's not exactly showing any sign of emotion right now. I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling or if he even cares.

Moving away from me, he looks down at my other arm with a frown on his face. Grabbing a hold of my wrist, he lifts my hand up to his level of sight. Touching my skin delicately, I hear him release an annoyed groan before he drops my arm and gets up to walk away.

Furrowing my brows at him, I look down to where he was watching and my eyes grow wide with shock. "Holy shit!" I blurt out, when I see the red outlining of a hand print on my arm. I guess Jeremy's hold was tighter than I thought. I also never realized how easily I mark. That's something to take note of.

After a long while of sitting in silence, I realize that Justin isn't going to return. I'm guessing he's pissed off. He hasn't exactly said much to me. Deciding to go in search of him, I walk into the kitchen dumping the wet wash cloth in the sink. Before I can turn to head up the stairs that I'm guessing leads to his bedroom, I hear loud coughing coming from outside in the yard. Rounding the corner, I walk over to the glass sliding doors, pushing them open. The moment I step foot outside, I'm bum rushed by two big blurs.

Nearly falling over, I bend down to get a good look at my attackers, smiling brightly when I realize it's Buckley and Brennan.

"Hey guys!" I coo, petting them softly. "Good to see you again."

Brennan whimpers slightly, licking my hands and Buckley lets out a bark. Giggling at them, I continue petting them when I hear Justin call out to them.

"Buckley! Brennan!" He shouts, and they instantly turn on their heels, leaving me in search of their master. They really are sweet dogs, and I know they miss Justin terribly when he's not around.

Standing up straight and dusting off my t-shirt and shorts, I walk out to the pool area, slightly mesmerized by the ripples in the water. Summer is over, so the nights are cooler than before. Folding my arms across my chest, I walk further into the yard.

"Behave. Go lie down...both of you. Hey, quit it...go...now." Justin chuckles heartily.

Turning my head in the direction of his voice, I notice him sitting on the grass as he pushes his dogs away playfully. Sighing, I kick off my slippers by a lounge chair and walk unto the soft grass until I get to where he's chilling out.

"Can I join you?" I ask hopefully.

Looking up at me, he shrugs before his dogs scamper away to another part of the house. As he dusts off his hands, I take a seat next to him on the large blanket he has spread out over the grass. I'm thinking he was out here before I came by.

Remaining silent, he lies down on his back with is hands propped behind his head. Following suit, I look around the spacious yard, listening to the bristling of the trees in the wind.

"It's nice out here." I voice, trying to make conversation. I hate this silence between us. When he doesn't answer I groan inwardly. "Listen, Justin..."

"Shhh..." He interrupts me. "Look up." He demands.

"What?"

"Look up at the sky. Tell me what you see." He states. Ok, has he lost his damn mind too?

Doing as I'm told, I frown. "Uh, I see blackness Ju."

"What else?"

"Justin..."

"What else Zara."

Breathing deeply, I gaze up at the night's sky again. "I don't know...clouds and stars...."

"Exactly, stars." He mutters.

"What is this?" I ask.

"Whenever I need to think, or just meditate or relax and clear my mind, I look at the stars. Because in them, I see me, I see myself. I see something that seems so simple, giving off a light so bright that despite how far away it is, you can still see it. Yet, they are so complex and filled with mystery. I don't know. I guess sometimes I wish I could just be a star you know? Just be this celestial body of hot gas that radiates energy millions of miles away and nothing more. I'd not have to deal with this cruel world." He explains and I'm stumped for words. I'm wondering where that divine outlook came from. Something is going on with that man. He always amazes me sometimes. Who would have thought he felt this way? This is a side of him I've never seen before. He's so, Zen-like now, made up with all these layers.

"What's wrong Ju?" I touch his side lightly and he breaks his gaze turning to glare at me.

"Did Jeremy do this to you?" He switches mood on me almost instantly. I think I can see the anger seeping out of his eyes.

"Yeah, we got into a little fight. It was an accident though..." I quickly respond.

"Bullshit. That was no accident. He hit you deliberately. Did you call the cops?"

"What? No! Why would I do that?"

"Because berry, that's abuse." Justin states obviously.

"It was just one stupid mistake. He was high ok? It wasn't his fault." Why am I defending Jeremy?

"It only takes one time Zara. You are so stubborn. That asshole. If I ever get my hands on him I'll..."

"You'll do nothing Justin. This is between the two of us." I snap.

"No it's not. Because I'll be firing his ass really soon." He hisses with fury.

"Don't do that Ju. He said he was sorry."

"Oh please. That's how it starts. They're always sorry. I knew something wasn't right with him. You just don't raise your hand on a woman no matter how much she pisses you off. High or not."

"Just shut up Justin!" I don't need him pointing out my mistakes or any one else's. I'm well aware of them.

"I knew I should have gotten you away from him some time ago. Then none of this would have happened. I promise you he won't lay another hand on you. I'll break off his limbs before he has a chance." Justin snarls. Wow, I've never seen him this angry before. And he's controlling it so well.

"I'm sorry Ju. I just. Let's not talk about that right now. I already know Malcolm will have a heart attack."

"So much for your precious gym boy." He mumbles, looking up at the sky again.

"Justin why must we always be like this? Why can't we just...just be happy with each other without getting into some type of fight?"

"I don't know berry. You've been avoiding me for almost three weeks and when you finally show up on my doorstep, you have the biggest fucking bruise on your face because of your precious Jer. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? That's fucked up berry and you know it."

"I don't judge you and Mallory." I retort. Here we go again.

"I don't give a fuck about Mallory. I care about her but I don't love her berry. I never will. Not when my heart is being pulled in a different direction..." he trails off.

"Wait. What do you mean by that Justin?" That's the second time he's mentioned something like this. The first time was on his jet when we were coming home. But I avoided the situation. Now, now I want to know.

"Just forget it. When you're ready you can leave."

"No I'm not leaving. Tell me Justin. Tell me what you meant by that."

"Why do you care? You're happy with your abusive boyfriend." He speaks with detest.

"Please Ju. Don't do this."

"I didn't do anything berry. You did...he did. Just leave me alone. I don't want to say anything I'll regret."

"Then let's go for the truth. Tell me what's going on. Tell me how you feel Ju. Let's just, forget about Jeremy and Mallory for now." I try to reason.

Turning on his side, he props himself up on his elbows. Studying me with his eyes, he leans forward touching my face lightly. "I can't forget about him and he scared you. I just, we need to end this. What was the fight about anyway?"

"Uh..." Looking away from him I shrug.

"Just forget it. Listen. Are you hungry? We could, order pizza."

"I'm not hungry. Where's Mallory? I thought she would be here."

"Na, she's home. I need my space too you know." He chortles, still staring at me.

"Oh..."

"You look nice." He suddenly states.

"I just have on a t-shirt and shorts with no makeup." I laugh.

"Yeah well it's cute. You're all natural. I like that. You don't even need makeup. I don't know why you wear it." He smiles.

"Don't need no Maybelline, 'Cause you're a beauty queen, Don't need no L'oreal, 'Cause bitch you're bad as hell..." I begin singing but stop when Justin busts out in a fit of laugher.

"Oh hell no. Where did that come from? You've lost it girl." He laughs loudly.

"This coming from ‘the crazy guy'. I was only quoting a badass superstar. What's your deal?" I grin innocently.

"I'm not crazy. But thanks for the badass compliment." He mocks me playfully.

"I think we both have issues, to go from being angry with each other to laughing because I quoted the lyrics of your ‘damn girl' song. Ha!"

"Well I like that. We're flexible." He suggests, moving closer to me. "And about the way I feel..." Justin immediately turns serious again.

"Don't say it. I know. Trust me I...I know because I feel the same way." I place my hand on his lips and watch as his eyes widen.

"No berry, you don't understand...I..."

"Just kiss me Ju." I coo, smiling at his stunned expression.

"Wh...what?"

"Kiss me crazy man." I giggle.

"I'm not craz..." Not giving him a chance to finish his statement, I rush up to him and plant my lips firmly against his own, knocking him off balance.

Squealing, I feel him grip my waist tightly as he rolls unto his back, pulling me on top of him. Relaxing against his hold, I move my hands up to his hair, fiddling with his small curls as we continue to kiss deeply. He doesn't waste any time and plunges his tongue deep within my depths while groping me. Shit, this is so wrong but I'm not complaining. Wait, why aren't I complaining?

"Mmm...Ju...I'll crush you." I mutter, against his soft, moist lips. Damn, he tastes good. I don't remember him tasting this good.

"Shut up berry." He mumbles, snaking his hands under my t-shirt to my bare back. Inhaling deeply, he moves his hands up the bare of my back as I fight to control my breathing.

"But Ju..."

"Shut up Zara..." He hisses, moving his hands down to my legs, pulling them apart so I'm straddling his waist.

"Justinnnn..." Cutting me off, he sucks in my bottom lip, growling loudly before he flips us over.

Now hovering on top, Justin nestles himself between my legs, as his hands begin to roam. Wow, this is...how did we get to this point? I'm confused. No, no I'm not. I want this. I want him so bad right now. I...I need him. I need to feel him I just...shit.

Gasping, my eyes shoot open and all my clouded thoughts are cleared when I feel his large bare hand massaging my breasts through my shirt. "Ju..."

Breaking our lip-lock, be pauses to look at me. I swear his eyes are the most beautiful, hypnotizing thing. And they're staring back at me with so much desire and lust.

Sighing, he rests his forehead against mine. "You want me to stop?" he asks in a deep raspy groan.

"No!" Who said that? Was that me? Because we should stop before this gets out of hand. But, my body is betraying me. I mean, we're out here laying underneath the stars on this huge soft blanket in his yard, in the dark, away from all other life forms and...fuck it. "No don't stop." I whisper.

"Are you sure?" I think his eyes just popped out of their sockets. He wasn't expecting me to say that. Hell, I wasn't expecting to say that. But I don't care anymore. I'm not going to hold back and deny what we've both been craving and longing for. Oh man, this is something unexpected, that's for sure. I'm becoming really nervous right now and immensely self conscious. I don't want him seeing all my flaws.

"Berry I..." Drifting off, he leans down to place butterfly kisses along my neck and I instantly shut my eyes. Shit, that feels so good. His lips are like magic. I wonder what else they could do. "I want you so much...are you sure?" He asks again, pressing his lower half firmly against my center. My breath catches in my throat when I feel how rock hard and ready he is. Oh boy, can I really go through with this? I'm...I'm not sure.

Lifting his head to look at me when I don't respond, he smiles widely, caressing the side of my face gently as he examines my wound. "You know I'd never intentionally hurt you right? And I'm sorry for all the times I have in the past." He explains and I nod, swallowing harshly. I think I'm just about ready to pass out from the amount of heat radiating between us.

"Ju I..."

"What?" He inquires, lifting my shirt over my stomach. Diverting his attention elsewhere, I can hear his rugged breathing as his fingers begin to play with my navel ring, massaging the flesh of my stomach.

"Oh my god." I moan, when he leans down and starts placing light kisses up and down my stomach, flicking my navel ring with his tongue. "Oh god." Arching my back he holds unto my waist, keeping me in place as he continues his torturous actions. I can't take this anymore...

"Ju!" I snap desperately, gripping his face and yanking him up towards me. Kissing him roughly, I pull away to see the amusement and mischief twinkling in his eyes. But, nothing can top the priceless expression on his face when, I finally whisper what I've been fighting with myself to voice out loud for some time now. "Make love to me Justin..."

****

Quote by: Barbara De Angelis

At Justin's

Orlando, FL

No Holding Back - Part 2

"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives."

What did she say? I can't be sure; I'm a little shocked right now. She wants me to, to do what? Shit, why do I feel like a teenager on his first date about to get his first kiss? This is Jahzara we're talking about. I mean, I care about her. I have very strong feelings for her. I'd do just about anything for her...scary but true. I, I'm immensely attracted to her and I want her so bad right now. But, but...Shit, that asshole hit her. Every time I think about Jeremy raising his hands on her my blood boils. It's been boiling since she showed up on my doorstep and I saw that fucking mass of a bruise on her face. I'm just about ready to explode in more ways than one if you know what I mean. But I've missed her. I've really missed her. In fact, the past almost three weeks really shed light on my feelings towards Zara.

Would labeling my emotions, as a thin inclination to the possibility of maybe being in love with her, deem accurate? Because I'm not sure. Trace says I am and I'm in denial. But, still, I'm not sure. I don't fall in love or grow in love. I just, I haven't been in love for years. It's been so long, I'm not even certain I could identify said emotion if it was present. Wait, I take back that statement. I could indentify it, if I wanted to. Right now, I'm not so sure I want to do that. Just looking at her lying underneath me right now is good enough for me.

"Ju? Justin are you ok? What's wrong baby?" Zara touches the side of my face and I blink a few times finally crashing back down to reality.

"Huh? What?" I mutter, shaking out my thoughts.

Smiling, she cocks her head to the side still caressing my face with her smooth hands. Damn, they're soft. I don't think she partakes in any hard work around the house or anything.

"Now who's daydreaming?" She giggles, breathing deeply.

A small smile twitches unto my features as I watch her chest move up and down with each breath she takes. This is perfect. I wish we could be this in tune with each other more often. "Hold on, did you just call me baby?" I query as I replay what she said in my mind. I know, I processed that slow, but it's definitely something different.

"I did?" She shrugs uninterested. I'm not letting that slide.

"Yes you did. You said and I quote, ‘What's wrong baby?'" I grin at her when she slaps my chest playfully.

"Whatever Ju." She rolls her eyes at me and I actually find it cute.

"A few months ago, you wouldn't call me anything except Mr. Timberlake and now we've upgraded to pet names...sweet." I chuckle when I see the frown forming on her angelic face.

"Just shut up and get to making me scream your name already." Zara quips and I nearly choke on sucking in too much air. Well, I'm full out coughing right now.

Rolling off her, I sit up, hitting my chest with my fist to clear my passage ways as I begin laughing loudly.

"Are you ok Ju?" Zara asks, sitting up to rub my back lightly. Still laughing hard, I nod my head ‘yes' as I gaze at her amused expression.

"I never...remember you being so blunt, bold and forward." I smile, leaning closer to her to place a kiss on her lips.

"Hey I'm learning from you and I figured the shy timid Zara needed a vacation."

"So, in pops aggressive, dominant, don't take your shit Zara eh?" I raise an eyebrow at her in question.

"I never tolerated your shit Justin." She retorts still smiling at me.

"Touché."

"Damn it! Why did you stop? I told you not to stop! I'm seriously horny right now Justin!" She belts suddenly, catching me off guard. Oh she's feisty. I think I might like this new side of her.

"What? But I, I..."

"Ugh! If you don't want to have sex with me when I'm now ready and willing, then I'll just leave." She stands from the blanket we've been sitting on, scoping out her surroundings before she begins walking towards the pool area. What the hell has come over her really?

Standing to follow her, I smirk a bit. "Why do you have to make it sound so raw?"

"Please Justin. Making love, having sex, fucking...all the same." She whips around to give me a half wink before continuing at her steady pace.

"No they are not and you know it!" I chortle, finally catching up to her. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Grabbing her arm, I spin her around to face me causing her to smack into my chest. Looking up at me with big innocent eyes, she whimpers slightly, pushing away.

"I'm leaving Ju."

"Why? I don't want you to go." I reply dejectedly.

"Then do something about it."

"Wow, are you challenging me berry? Because I love challenges woman. Beware." I warn "You're making me feel like a booty call now." I mock a hurt expression.

"You're not Ju. You know that. Because I'll be here in the morning." She winks at me seductively and I think my dick just twitched with the thought of all the things we could do until morning. I'm definitely not thinking with my brain right now.

"Then why the hell are we still talking?" I joke, but don't give her a chance to respond since I crash my lips firmly against hers.

"Oooo...I like." Zara coos, gripping my neck to pull me closer...not like that's possible. We're fused together like permanent glue.

"You're some kind of freak girl." I chuckle through our lip and tongue action.

"We're just getting started here." She moans, groping at my shoulders as I begin reversing. Keeping my hold around her waist, I nibble on her bottom lip, loving the sound of her moans and whimpers. She sounds like a porn star making those noises. And that's definitely a turn on because my dick is hardening again at a rapid rate.

"Mmm...berry stop moving so much..." I mutter as she continues to push against me, backing us up to god knows where.

Breaking our lip-lock she stops moving and gazes directly into my eyes with an evil grin. "Do you remember some time back in LA when I walked in on you in your room singing Michael Jackson? It was the day I went surfing with Jeremy and we were supposed to go miniature golfing. You remember?" She asks.

"Uh yeah sure...whatever." I mumble, moving forward to capture the soft flesh of her neck. I don't care about any of that. I wish she'd stop talking so I could get to work.

"And you remember when I was leaving your room to get ready; you smacked me hard on the ass with no warning?" She inquires again.

"Uh huh..." I mutter, gripping her ass firmly for effect and letting out a deep growl.

"And...uh...oh god..." She drifts off, holding unto my arms for support. "Shit...Ju, that's not fair..." She moans out as I begin sucking vigorously on her neck. Damn, I need this woman so bad right now.

"And, and I told you pay back was a bitch?" She chokes out, causing me to cease my actions. Lifting my head to look at her quizzically, I scratch at my stubble.

"What?"

Moving away from me, Zara points straight ahead, causing me to turn around. My eyes grow wide with shock when I realize what's on her mind. "Oh shit, berry don't." I warn, whipping around to stare at her. I can't believe she backed me up to the edge of the pool and I didn't even realize it until now.

"Like I said; Pay back is a pmsing bitch." She giggles, giving me a hard shove. Stumbling back, I fight to keep my balance as my hands begin flailing.

"Oh no you don't!" I yell when she begins backing away. Stretching out, I grab unto her arms, yanking her forward to latch my arms around her waist. She lets out a loud, annoying squeal of terror before I fall back, taking her with me as we crash into the pool making a loud splash.

****

Wriggling out of Justin's hold, I swim up to the surface coughing and spluttering. I'm not mad though. I should have known he'd pull me in with him.

"You're evil Ju." I say between coughs, feeling him wrap his arms around my waist from behind.

"Oh yeah? So are you. This is the second time you've pushed me in." He states, nibbling on my ear lobe causing shivers to go down my spine.

"No, the last time I was already in and pulled you in with me." I laugh, turning around to face him. Oh, wet Justin is extremely sexy.

Wiping at his eyes, he shrugs. "Whatever woman. I'm just thinking right now we have too many clothes on." He wiggles his eyebrows at me suggestively.

"Oh, I can fix that." I play along, standing straight and lifting his soaked t-shirt over his head until it's pulled all the way off his body. Tossing Justin's wet shirt on the edge platform of the pool, I divert my attention back to him.

I begin feeling up his bare, drenched torso, relishing in how firm and toned his body is. He's just standing there, silent, just gazing at me and taking in my actions. He has no intensions of stopping me any time soon.

Slowing my pace a bit, I play with the draw strings of his slacks noticing how his body shivers from the cold breeze blowing on his bare skin.

"Berry, do you...want to take this inside? I'm freezing." Justin whispers.

"Shh...no." I silence him, leaning forward to fuse our lips together. "We can warm up each other."

"Well then speed this up." He jokes, griping roughly at my black t-shirt. In one swift motion, he yanks it over my head and off my body, tossing it somewhere in the pool. I watch as it sinks to the pool floor before I divert my attention back to Justin. He's just standing there with an animalistic glare. Oh my god. I'm in...I'm in my fucking bra...only!

And in kicks the insecurity and shy Jahzara is rearing her ugly head. Backing away from him, my hands fly up to my chest and I cross them over my stomach firmly.

"What the fuck are you doing woman?" Justin asks in a soft tone with a smirk on his cute face.

"N...nothing." I stutter nervously.

"Shit, berry...it's me. Don't be shy. I know you're self conscious but damn it, you shouldn't be." Walking up to me, he grips my bare waist pulling me against his naked chest. "You're so beautiful. Don't be shy. Please." He coos and that actually makes me loosen up a bit.

"Ok." Dropping my hands, I shut my eyes as he begins to examine me with his bright blue orbs. I feel like I'm on a chopping block.

"You really are beautiful...you know that?" Justin says again.

Before I can answer, he pulls me along with him to the shallow end of the pool. My eyes are still closed, so I have no idea what he's really up to or if he's staring at all my imperfections. I do have extra meat on my bones. I'm not a skinny twig type model. I hope he's not disgusted or anything and throws up or something. That would be extremely bad.

"Let's see what we can do with the rest of these clothes." He growls loudly.

In the blink of an eye, well figuratively speaking because all I see is black right now, Justin swiftly pulls down my shorts, lifting each of my legs until it's completely off my body. I refuse to open my eyes and see the grotesque look he's probably giving me. I mean, I'm in the fucking pool in just my underwear right now. He still has his slacks on...and...oh...wow...holy shit. I take that back.

My eyes shoot open and I look over at Justin who has the sexiest smile on his face I've ever seen. "You...you're pants." I look to the side when I see his slacks floating nearby.

"You weren't helping so I did it myself." He beams. "Do you always talk this much during sex?" He asks annoyingly. Ok, that's my cue to shut up.

Shaking my head no, he lets out a light chuckle before he glues our bodies together once again. Oh man, I feel like this whole ordeal is being prolonged and I'm just about ready to burst.

Justin's hands begin feeling up on me as he makes his way to the back of my bra where it's clasped. In one movement he unclasps it and I'm a little shocked at how skilled he is with that. I'm thinking he's gotten a lot of practice. Most guys usually struggle a bit to take off a bra. So, I'm being fully unclothed and my mind is spinning with how uncomfortable I'm starting to feel. I'm trying to think that it's just Justin, but then the terrible things he said to me those weeks...months ago keep replaying in my mind. I know he's different now but...

Sighing, I latch my hands around his waist when he starts kissing on my neck, working his way down my shoulder blades, to my arms, moving my bra straps lower as he does this. It's not long before he's completely taken it off and my breasts pop out in all their naked glory for his viewing pleasure. Justin doesn't miss a beat and immediately leans down, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. My breath quickens as he nibbles and sucks on my nipples hungrily. Oh shit, that's...

"Oh my god!" I choke out through deep breaths. I didn't mean to...I couldn't keep it in. His tongue is working overtime. Switching between my mounds, I lean my head back, shutting my eyes tightly from the feeling of his warm lips around my cold nipples.

My hands dip under the surface of the water, searching for his most sensitive area. When I find it, I snake my hand under his boxers wrapping it tightly around his dick. Justin sucks in his breath and stops his exploration of my body to turn us around until my back hits the edge of the pool. I smile at him and he just shakes his head giving me a half-grin, before he pulls my hand out of his boxers. Staring interestingly, I watch as he descends in the water, until his head is fully submerged. My eyes grow wide with shock when I realize what he's going to do.

"Oh shit..." I gasp, when Justin swiftly pulls down my underwear, leaving me completely nude and ready. He could maybe feel how wet I am even in the damn pool. It's that bad. I begin to squirm when he parts my legs and I feel his lips connect with my inner folds. "Oh wow...what...is he doing..." I exhale, bending my head down to look at him. Is he serious? god, I just died and went to heaven. He, he's eating me out under water. Where is he getting his breath from? He...oh my god. My eyes roll to the back of my head when I feel his tongue dart into my center.

My breathing becomes rigid and my legs are weak but before I can get into the swing of things, he pulls away and comes up to the surface for air. Still staring at him stunned and heaving, I wipe at his face until he opens his eyes to look at me.

"You taste like strawberries. I think, I think my mind was just playing a sick joke on me." He says in a shocked tone. "How is that even possible?" He queries, burning a hole into me with is gaze.

Ignoring his line of questioning, I pull him towards me, jumping up and wrapping my legs snuggly around his waist. Bending my body in a certain angle, I use my hands to push down his boxers as he places his arms on either side of the pool wall to steady himself.

"A little help Ju." I state but he shakes his head no. He's enjoying this torture huh? "Uhg!" Standing on my heels, I push his boxers all the way down to his feet, watching as his thick, juicy dick springs to life out of its confinements. "Oh my god, you're...you." Glancing up at him, I begin to blush immensely. He's big. He's really big and he knows it. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing but we're about to find out. Cocking his head to the side, he continues to stare at me with a smirk.

Rolling my eyes, I hold unto his shoulders and straddle his waist again, teasing him, by rubbing my center against him. He's pretending to be unaffected by the fact that we're both butt naked in his pool. But, by the way his muscles keep tensing, I know I'm driving him crazy right now.

Moving forward, Justin presses his body into mine, sandwiching me between him and the wall. Still holding his shoulders for support, I begin kissing around his jaw line and down his neck, giving him hard bites along the way. Oh, he's breathing hard now. I can hear every prolonged breath he takes.

Finally grabbing a hold unto me, he buries his head in the crook of my neck sighing loudly. "Shit..." He mutters, taking a free hand to position himself at my entrance. I can feel my heartbeat increase and I'm beginning to get restless. I wish he'd stop teasing and just fill me up with his thick cock already.

"Ju...please..." I plead.

"Berry...I...I...you...shit...fuck!" He hisses as he grabs my waist pulling me down suddenly unto him with ease. I gasp in shock and let out a light cry as he plunges his dick deep into my depths, filling me and stretching out my walls. For all the times I've said this in the past, I'm pretty sure I'm in heaven on earth right now.

"Uhhh..." I quiver, watching as Justin shuts his eyes tightly while he bites his lips. Damn that's so hot. He's so hot. Lifting me up, he pulls me down again, slamming into me. Keeping my arms around his neck, I begin moaning when he builds a steady pace, moving in and out of me with smooth, powerful thrusts.

"Oh my god Ju..." I gasp, fighting for air as I try to match his hip movements with mine. This is, this is...I don't know what the fuck this is. Words cannot describe. I'm in another world right now.

We've been going at it for what seems like hours. I'm not sure how much time has passed, but I can feel every single movement he makes inside of me. Shit, it feels so good. He fits me perfectly. I've never had a perfect fit like him before.

"Berry..." I hear Justin whisper and I lock eyes with him. His blues are so dark and misty as he balances me around his waist still thrusting into me faster than before.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, my mind running haywire as I note that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach indicating my orgasm is building rapidly.

"I...I...shit...you're so fucking tight..." He curses, pulling me closer to him as he picks up his pace, pounding into me furiously. "God, you feel...you feel so..." He drifts off as his eyes roll to the back of his head. I watch as my breasts keep bobbing up and down and the water splashes around us, making a slapping noise as our bodies move together as one.

"What?" I nudge Justin, clenching my walls tightly when I feel my orgasm threatening to send me over the edge. Letting out a whimper, my body jerks forward and I scream out his name when I feel my climax taking over my entire body like violent waves. "Uh...oh my god." I moan, shutting my eyes as my orgasm rips through my body like an earthquake causing me to convulse in the process. Damn I didn't even see it coming. This is unbelievable, Justin is just...he's amazing. I can't, I can't even believe this is happening to me.

"Fuck...fuck...fuck!" Justin swears, slamming into me mercilessly. I know he's near, because his body keeps jerking just like mine did.

"Let it out Ju." I whisper in his ears and I'm guessing that did the trick because with a few more powerful thrusts, I hear him let out a loud groan before he shoots his warm, sticky cum deep inside me. I loved every minute of it too. It's official. We're not just unhealthy for each other, but we're addicted to each other like narcotics. After our little sexual encounter, I know I am. The man can work it in the most dangerous way. That has to be some type of illegal.

"goddamn!" He pants out, pulling me flush against his chest, for support. "Mmmm..." Leaning down to kiss me sweetly on the lips, he caresses the side of my face as he gazes at me adoringly, before he kisses my cheek and whispers in my ears... "I love you berry..."

And time stops.

And I freeze.

And I blink slowly as shock overpowers me.

And, and I'm trembling.

I'm fucking trembling.

And I don't think it's the cold wind.

"Wha...wh...wh...what?" I cough out as I feel my chest constrict. The air's not filling my lungs fast enough. I...I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe!

Justin slowly slides out of me and I whimper from the loss of contact. He removes my legs from around his waist, and places me to stand up, searching my eyes for some type of reaction. But I'm not giving any. In fact, I just spaced out...again...completely dazed.

I hear him sigh sadly, before I feel myself being pulled out of the pool but, that's all I can comprehend at this moment.

Seconds later, Justin returns to my side, wrapping a large, soft, warm towel around my body. Turning around to face him, I notice he has a towel hanging low around his waist and another one around his neck.

"Berry are you ok?" He inquires in a soft tone, touching my cheek, causing me to flinch in pain. I forgot about my bruise. Shit, I forgot about Jeremy all together. That usually happens when I'm with Justin. I, I'm not sure I can be with Jeremy anymore. Not after what just happened. I just willingly cheated on my boyfriend. I think I did it because I was furious at him. I just, I'll deal with him another time.

"Berry..." Justin calls out to me, still looking deep into my eyes. I don't answer. I can't, because we're interrupted by his door bell. Someone is continuously ringing it and it's fucking annoying.

Oh great.

Now they're banging furiously, and as if that's not bad enough, I finally get to hear their nasally voice.

"Justin! Justin are you there? Open the damn door. I know you're in there. Jahzara's car is out front. Justin!" Mallory yells, banging on his door harshly.

"Just fucking great!" Justin's hands fly up in the air and I fight the urge not to laugh at his instant annoyance. "What the fuck does she want now?" he snaps.

"Ju, our clothes." I touch his shoulder and he looks down at our lack of apparel then into the pool where our clothing articles rest at the bottom of the pool.

"I won't answer the damn door." He suggests and I hear his dogs barking from inside. Oh how wonderful. Mallory irritates Buckley and Brennan too. "Her fucking banging is making my dogs agitated."

"Just answer the door. She knows we're here." I'm not ready to be belittled by Mallory's hard words and venting, but we don't have much of a choice.

"No, because, this will not end well if I do. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want you all to hurt each other."

"We won't."

"You don't know Mallory like I know her Zara. She's ruthless."

"Fine, what do you suggest we do?"

"She'll go away. Come on, let's head upstairs to get into some dry clothes."

"But, but I don't have..."

"I'll lend you some of mine so you can sleep in." he smiles as me, pulling me into the house and towards the staircase. Mallory is still out there screaming. She just won't let up. It doesn't seem to faze Justin though.

"O...ok." I'm not so sure about sleeping over. If I don't come home my brother is going to be worried sick and I left my phone out in the car.

Finally getting up to his room, I hear the loudest scream ever, before a loud thud follows from somewhere in the driveway. Listening closely, I realize the noise has stopped, and moments later, a car comes to life, speeding down Justin's driveway before the roaring of the vehicle fades into the distance. So, I'm thinking Mallory got tired and left. But, Justin has no idea how much trouble he's going to be in with her when she gets a hold of him. If he's not worried, I'm not worried. I mean, I have to deal with Jeremy eventually. We're both fucked anyway.

Sitting on Justin's king size bed, I watch as he rummages through his closet, coming out with a t-shirt and boxers for me to put on.

"Here, put that on." He tosses me the items and drops his towel, slipping into a pair of his own Calvin Klein boxers. I blush slightly when I get another peek of his manhood. The man is gifted on and off the stage. He's the whole package and I still can't believe he's mine right this second. So, why waste it with sleep? I have a lot of unused energy bubbling in my system.

Standing, I leave the items on the bed and walk over to him, grazing my hands over his chest causing him to shiver.

"Berry what are you doing?" He grabs my hands to stop me, staring me down.

"Shhh...I'm thinking, I could go for round two." I voice seductively.

"What? I'm...I'm not sure that's a good idea." He moves away from me but I grab a hold of him, pulling him towards me. Untying my towel from around my body, I let it drop to a heap around my feet. I'm taking a really big leap here and it's taking all my courage and confidence to stand in front of Justin nude and vulnerable, but I know it's working because he can't take his eyes off me. He's a little taken aback by my aggressiveness too.

"I want you Ju. I want to feel you again, now, inside me, filling me up just right." I breathe out.

Shutting his eyes and inhaling deeply, Justin envelopes me in his arms, leaning down to give me a soft, tender kiss. He's never kissed me like that before. It's an intense, fiery kiss. It's almost like he's pouring his heart out to me in that kiss. That's kind of scary.

Shifting back, he opens his eyes to look down at me. "Listen berry, about what I said earlier, about how I feel..."

"It's ok." I cut him off. "I know."

Walking away from him, I move around his room shutting off the various lights. "Have I told you how much I love your ass?" Justin growls, smacking it when I return at his side. Giggling, I push him away playfully, looking out the window at the moonlight that's seeping in, giving our surroundings a light glow.

"Stop!" I laugh out, when he starts tapping my ass, creating his own little rhythm.

"I meant what I said Jahzara." He states firmly. I know he's serious, because he hardly ever calls me by my first name. "I...I really do think I'm falling in love with you."

Oh god, don't do this to me. He always does this to me!

Placing my hand over his mouth to silence him, I kiss his bottom lip pushing him unto the bed before I climb on top and straddle his waist. Even in the darkness, I can see his blues glistening under the moonlight. He knows I'm avoiding his choice of topic right now. I'm not sure how he's going to react to me in the morning but right now...

"Let's just enjoy this. Right here, right now. Let's just indulge in this moment with each other." I try to reason.

Nodding in defeat, Justin remains silent, flipping us over so he's hovering on top, before he begins working his magic with his tongue down my naked body, as I allow him to take me into a world full of bliss and rapture for the second time tonight. I know for a fact that at this moment in time, neither of us would have it any other way.

****

Quote by: Bertrand Russell

Next day....

At Justin's....

September...Early Friday Morning...

Orlando, FL

Be Without You

"I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know."

What the fuck is that noise? Shit, it's annoying as fuck and pissing me off. Groaning, I roll over unto my back breathing heavily.

"Ju! Wake the hell up!"

Oh that annoyance is Zara? What the fuck does she want? Can't she see I'm trying to sleep here?

Mumbling some incoherent profanities not even I can understand, I place my arms over my face trying to fall back asleep.

"Ju!" Zara giggles, poking at my bare side.

She's not going to let up is she? Shit, we stayed up whole night ‘working out' if you get me. I'm tired; I need more sleep to recuperate. Damn it...women are so frustrating sometimes.

"What!?" I snap harshly. I'm not a morning person. She needs to learn to never wake me up unless it's a life or death situation. "Are you sick, is someone dying?" I ask, with my eyes still closed.

I feel her tense next to me and I can almost bet she's giving me one of those ‘he's crazy' looks. "No. Why?" She's so cute and her innocence is sometimes sweet. But I really don't want to wake up right now.

"Unless any of those things are happening, I'm not waking up." I mutter, rolling unto my side.

"Ju! You are crazy..."

See? I told you she was thinking I'm psycho or something.

"Wake up!" She yells, shaking me roughly. Moving unto my back again, I crack one of my eyes open to get a glimpse of her. She's sitting Indian style, facing me with a large smile on her face. I hate cherry morning people. No one should be happy fresh out of sleep damn it. But she looks amazing, with her curly hair flying all over the place and she's dressed in my t-shirt that's swallowing her and my boxers. She's too adorable.

Breaking out into a smile, I huff a bit at her. "What time is it?" I inquire.

"Some time after six." She replies unfazed.

"What?!" Is she fucking serious? The sun isn't even out yet. Fuck me! "Ok, it's still night! What the hell berry? Go back to sleep." Closing my eyes fully again, I hear her let out a snort.

"No it's not. It's morning Justin. Don't you have to head to the office?" She enquires but I don't answer. I couldn't be bothered really. I was sort of hoping to spend the day with her today.

"Justinnnnnnnn....."

She has a death wish with her scratchy whining. She knows I hate that shit.

Ignoring her, I deepen my breathing fighting to control my irritation.

"Justinnnnnnnn...."

Still ignoring her.

"JUSTINNNNNNNN...."

"Oh my fucking god Zara!" I scream, shooting out of the bed and hitting her with the pillow before I lunge at her. "You are so fucking annoying!" I laugh, placing my hands on her waist before I begin tickling her mercilessly.

"Ahhhh....stop Ju! Ah!" She belts, squirming under my hold.

"Say uncle." I reply smartly, still tickling her sides. She's so ticklish. It's hilarious.

"Ah! Oh my god! I'll pee my pants...stop!" She breaks out through laughs mixed with sobs.

"Say uncle." I retort not letting up. I've fully straddled her waist. She's not going anywhere.

"Ok! Uncle! I give up I can't breathe." She giggles, sucking in air when I stop my actions. Looking down at her I smile triumphantly.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" I ask coyly and she flips me the bird still panting from loss of breath. "Don't make me bite that finger off girl. You're so rude." I chuckle and she smiles at me before I lean down to place a kiss on her chocolate lips. "Mmm...You taste delish." I mutter against her lips.

"Ju! Stop! You have work today and I'm hungry. If you continue we'll never leave this room." She pushes at my bare chest but I'm too engrossed with kissing and feeling her up right now. Early morning sex is the best. Right now, I'm mentally calculating how long we'll need to pull it off before I have to head into the shower.

"That's the idea woman. Come on berry. You know you want to." I coax her, now nibbling lightly on her neck.

"Uhhh...yes I do but we can't. I need to get home. Malcolm maybe called the whole Orlando police force to search for me when I didn't come home last night and Jeremy...." She trails off when I freeze solid on top of her. She should know better than to say that asshole's name around me after what he did to her. I most definitely will be having a talk with him.

"What about gym boy?" I sneer, moving off her and getting completely off the bed.

"I'm sorry Ju. I...I still have to deal with him you know?" She tries to reason, but I don't want to hear any of it.

"Whatever." I walk into my wardrobe, looking for a change of clothes. It's not long before I feel Zara wrap her arms around my waist from behind. Looking at me through the tall mirror, she grips the waistband of my boxers, lifting it higher up over my waist, before she places a soft kiss on the angel tattoo covering my freckled back.

"What's wrong Ju?" Her eyes are so deep and she has this pensive expression on her face.

Turning around, I pass my hands through her curly locks, bending my head to capture her sweet lips again briefly. Inhaling deeply, I tell her exactly what's on my mind. "I want you to break up with Jeremy." I voice.

"What? I...I can't." She backs away from me with a frown on her face. That's not the reaction I expected. I thought she would be thrilled I was stating my true feelings.

"Why not Zara? We've established how we feel for each other and after what happened last night..."

"What happened last night? No Justin! It was just sex. I...I can't break up with him. It's not that simple! I've told you this."

Hold up, just sex? What the fuck? It wasn't just sex. "Jahzara..." I move closer to her but she backs all the way out of the wardrobe.

"No Justin! Stop it. You have no idea what I'm going through. I can't be with you Justin." She screams. Am I missing something again? She tells me I'm bi-polar but I think she has that trait more than I do.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I follow her out, tossing some clothes unto a nearby chair.

"Ju..." Zara sighs, wiping at her face roughly. "I should go."

"What? No!"

"You have work and I need to get home so Malcolm doesn't have a heart attack. I need to find out if Jeremy is ok too."

And my blood just began to boil again. "Why berry?! Why does it always come back to that asshole? He hurt you, not the other way around. I'm sure he's ok!" I state matter-of-factly.

"He was a mess when I left Justin. I don't know if he did something stupid or..."

"Just shut the fuck up Jahzara! God!" I raise my hand to my growing hair, pulling at it a little. She's driving me crazy. She's fucking driving me up the wall! How and when did I allow her to have this much power over me? "Did nothing that happened last night mean anything to you?" I need to know. I need to know for my fucking sanity. How can she be thinking about Jeremy after what we shared?

Blinking slowly, she moves away from me, gathering a few of her things around the room. "I'm going."

"Not until you answer me." Gripping her hand, I spin her around and she shoots me an evil glare.

"Just leave me alone...Just accept you and I can never be together. There are too many factors against that happening."

I didn't just hear her say that. I'm going to ignore that.

"Why is it so hard to answer that question huh Zara? I mean, I practically placed my heart on the line. I fucking told you I loved you and you did and said nothing about it. Now, I can understand that maybe you're scared so, I'm not making a big scene but why can't you fucking answer me? Answer me berry. It's a simple yes or no question!" I shout. I know my eyes are maybe blazing because she's looking at me timidly.

"You're hurting me." She cries out and I immediately let go of her. I don't want to be like Jeremy. I would never hurt her like he did. Yet she wants to go back to him. Why?

"Answer me. Did you feel anything at all? It wasn't just sex berry. It meant a whole lot more to me." I explain, calming down a bit.

"Justin..."

"Answer me Damn it! I need to know!"

"Fine! You want to know what it was? It was just sex Justin! It meant nothing! Nothing! I was upset; I was angry because of what happened between me and Jeremy. I used you as a release ok? I used you because you were available and I was furious at my boyfriend. He's still my boyfriend Justin! Or did you forget that. You shouldn't talk when you have Mallory. I don't see you breaking up with her. God! You are so frustrating! I felt nothing ok? Happy now? And I don't love you either...so get over yourself." Zara spits out and instantly covers her mouth with her hand as her eyes grow wide with shock over her ranting. I guess it doesn't matter to say that I would kick Mallory to the curb in a heartbeat for her if she asked me to.

Is it me or did the room just become immensely small and congested? I think I just stopped breathing too. Trying to gather my bearings, I stumble back a bit away from her, as I feel a burning pain rise from my stomach to my chest. Shit, I think I'm going to be sick. What's happening to me?

"Justin..."

Shaking my head rapidly, I continue to back away from her and towards the bathroom in complete silence. She...she didn't just say what she did. She couldn't have. This is Zara...she's my sweet strawberry. She would never say those things to me. Oh god.

"Ju..."

Still shaking my head, I inhale through my mouth as I feel my entire core shake. Fuck...fuck...fuck! Groaning loudly, I blink a few times, suddenly tasting the salty sweetness of my tears. Shit...fuck! I don't ever fucking cry. Touching my eyes in astonishment, I blink again feeling a few more tears slide down my cheeks.

"Oh my god...Justin...I'm sorry...I..." Zara moves towards me and I can see her eyes glistening with unshed tears but I don't feel any remorse for her. She just stabbed me in the fucking heart. She deserves to feel bad about it.

"Get out." I whisper in a shaky tone. I can't be around her. I won't be held responsible for my actions. I need to get to the office today since we won't be spending any time together like I planned.

"What? No Ju. I didn't mean it like that; I'm just scar..."

"Get the fuck out Jahzara! Now!" I scream at the top of my lungs. My voice booms off the walls of my room frightening the both of us. Zara jumps and quickly creates space between us, as she grabs her shoes, heading for my room door.

I hear her whimper before she turns to look at me, opening the door in the process. "Ju, I don't..." Sighing, she sobers up, gripping my door handle tightly. "I'm so sorry. But maybe things are better this way." And with that, she walks out the door slamming it shut and taking my heart with her.

I'm still standing by my bathroom when I hear her Celica come to life and speed out of my driveway, disappearing down the streets of my neighborhood. What the fuck just really happened?

"Shit..." And just like that, for the first time in years, my fucking walls crumble and I cry.

I'm actually crying, gasping for air.

Walking into my bathroom, I slam the door so hard, the cabinet mirror cracks and all the condiments are tumbling out, falling into the sink and onto the bathroom floor.

Dropping unceremoniously unto the closed toilet lid, I place my face in my hands feeling my shoulders tremble as I fight to control the water works. God, I'm a fucking pussy. I'm a fucking pansy. She's destroying me. She's fucking ripping me to shreds. I can't play this game with her anymore.

Flashes of last night pop into my head and I battle to clear my thoughts of Zara. How the fuck can I work beside her now?

"Fuck!"

****

Hours later...

"What have I done? What have I done?"

That's all I've managed to get out since I've been home today. Thankfully, Malcolm guessed I might have stayed the night at Jeremy's so he said he wasn't worried. That means, Jeremy never came here looking for me. That's kind of disappointing. I thought after what he did, he'd be breaking down doors to get to me and apologize. Maybe he's afraid of what Malcolm would do to him. My brother is pretty intimidating. But, I would never admit to Malky that Jeremy and I got into a fight and I spent the night at Justin's. He'd flip. Plus, I hid my bruise with a ton of makeup so it's almost non-existent. There is just a light shadow of it but nothing too alarming to grasp Malcolm's attention.

Still, I've been in this house the entire day crying to myself. I only saw Malcolm briefly when I got home this morning. He had to run to work since he was late for his shift. I got a quick kiss on the forehead and he stated we'd have our movie night tonight when he got home. So, there was no time for him to notice something was terribly wrong with me.

"What have I done? Damn it!" Taking out my frustration on the poor pillow, I jump from my bed shedding my clothes in one swift motion. I kept the t-shirt and boxers I slept in on me whole day. It was my only way of being close to Ju. I can't believe I said those terrible things to him. I know I've said I keep people at a distance to save myself from being hurt, but I think I kicked him out of my life with this one.

And the sad part is, I didn't mean any of it. He put me on the spot and I panicked. I freaked out. I lashed out at him because everything he said was true. He's so right. It wasn't just sex. It meant so much more. But I'm scared. I'm so scared he'll hurt me that I ended up hurting him instead. When I saw him crying, in front of me, I knew it was serious. I was so shocked. I've never seen Justin cry before. And yet, there was so much anger and resentment in his eyes. I think I might have broken his heart.

I'm such a terrible person. I'm so terrible. I don't deserve happiness. I'm just worthless. If it wasn't for Malcolm, I don't know what I'd do. I just feel depressed and...and maybe I need my pills. I haven't taken them in a while.

Dragging myself into the bathroom, I look at my nakedness in the mirror. Crinkling my nose in disgust and disapproval, I open the cabinet, pulling out the small bottle, and twisting the cap off before I toss two pills to the back of my throat. Nearly gagging in the process, I wrap a long, white robe around my body and amble into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I grab a beer and open it, taking a few large gulps to wash down the pills. Mixing pills and alcohol? Not the smartest idea, but I don't give a fuck right now. I just broke the one man I've been daydreaming about being mine over the last year plus. When I finally got him, I had to go and fuck everything up.

I still can't believe Justin told me he loved me though. I wanted to scream, cry, laugh and jump for joy all at the same time. I felt like it was a fucked up dream just taunting me because our love could never exist. He knows that. He fucking knows that so, why did he have to say those words to me? God, I know I love him too. If I didn't I wouldn't be beating up myself right now, but we can't be. We just, we can't. We'd never survive it with his lifestyle. Shit, I begin work again on Monday too. This is going to be odd.

Finishing off the beer, I go for another one in Malcolm's stash but halt my actions when I hear loud banging on my front door.

"Who's that?" I question, walking over to the source of the noise. Tightening the robe around my body, I walk out of the kitchen and into our small living room, swinging the apartment door open.

I'm pushed to the side when a frantic Trace storms right in, not giving me a chance to even get out of the way. "Trace?" I state a bit stunned. How did he know where I lived and more importantly, what is he doing here? I haven't seen him since the night we landed back in Orlando.

"What did you do to him?" He snaps at me. Oh great, I should have expected this.

"What?"

"Justin. What happened between you two? I was just at his house and do you know the only words he uttered to me?" Trace asks, taking a seat on my couch, making him self at home.

Oh no, do I even want to divulge in this conversation? "What did he say?" I whisper, shutting my eyes.

"He said, and I quote, ‘I can't be without her Trace. It fucking hurts man.' That's what he said Jahzara, before he hopped into his Mercedes and disappeared god knows where. I haven't seen him this distraught in years. He didn't go to work today either. So, tell me what the fuck happened?" Trace is angry with me. I can tell by his tone and I feel horrible. I really hurt Ju. And there's nothing I can do to take it back. But maybe it's best this way. If we're apart. I don't know. I'm confused again.

Trace needs to leave before my brother gets home. I don't want any drama. I'm not telling Malcolm anything more until I can straighten this out myself. Besides, our traditional Friday movie night will help me forget about things for a while.

Sucking up my nerves, I decide to start from my fight with Jeremy last night to how it led me to Justin's door step, to us making love in the pool and then in his bedroom for hours on end. It really was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had in my life. I'm hoping when I'm done with my story, Trace won't completely hate me, but I can only hope.

****

Later Friday Night...

Parking my Mercedes and shutting off the engine, I look out at the lights shinning through the windows of the condo. I have no idea why I'm here but, I need to get this off my chest and over with. Opening the door, I step out, locking my car and turning on the alarm. Rubbing my hands together, I fiddle with my hard rock café t-shirt, and fix the belt in my jeans.

Stepping up to the entrance of the condominium, I feel my phone vibrate on my side. Looking down at the caller Id, I realize it's Mallory. Groaning, I grab the device, shutting it off entirely. I'll deal with her later.

Climbing the steps two at a time, I finally reach the front door, hearing what seems to be laughing on the other side. Frowning in confusion, I can distinguish at least two female voices and two males, one being Jeremy's. That inconsiderate prick. I know he's not throwing a party after what he did to berry.

Wanting to get things over with, I bang on the door loudly, since they have music playing.

Seconds later, the door swings open and I'm greeted with an unfamiliar man. He's a few inches shorter than me with auburn hair and some conniving green eyes. I dislike him already and I don't even know the fucker.

"Who's at the door?" I hear Jeremy ask, before he comes into view with a woman hanging on his arm giggling manically. Crunching up my nose in disgust, I look over at him. The girl is clearly high on something. And Jeremy looks stoned himself. This is the pussy ass bastard Zara wants to be with over me? Feeling my anger slowly rising, I clench my fist tightly to calm myself.

"I don't know." The fucker responds, before Jeremy pushes him out of the way with the same slut hanging unto him like a vice.

"Justin? What the hell are you doing here?" He inquires cockily, narrowing his eyes at me. If that bitch knew what was good for him he'd not test me right now. "Is Zara with you?" He enquires bitterly, looking over my shoulder.

"No." I state flatly. "After that bruise you put on her face, why would she want anything to do with you?" I enforce blankly. His eyes grow wide with shock. Guess he didn't think I knew. Asshole.

Whispering something to the red head, she giggles and moves away from Jeremy, disappearing into the house. I watch her retreating form, grimacing a bit. If Zara knew Jeremy was here having a ball of a time after what she went through, she'd hate him for sure. I almost feel compelled to tell her and watch her heart break, but I'm not that callous. I think I'll just turn the blind eye to this one. I have other things to worry about; like not pummeling this dickhead into the pavement if he doesn't stop gawking at me.

"Why the fuck are you here Justin? Are you tired of fucking my girl already?" He gives me a smirk. If that bitch only knew. I don't know what he's doing, but he's a bad influence on berry. She wasn't like this until she got with him.

Bowing my head in thought, I look up at him with a challenging, sinister smile. "You know why I'm here."

"No Justin. Enlighten me." He snaps, stepping out of the doorway and shutting the door behind him.

Folding my arms across my chest, I take a step towards him, keeping his intense gaze. If there is one thing I never back out of, it's a challenge. And this is one little competition that bastard is going to lose. I'll be damned if it turns out any other way.

Grinning at him slyly, I shrug, taking in my surroundings before I divert my attention back to him. "We need to have a little chat Jeremy."

****

Quote by: Unknown

One month later....

October... Monday Afternoon...

Tennman Records

Orlando, FL

How Do I Breathe

"One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else. For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

"Tennman Records, this is Jahzara speaking how may I help you?" Clenching the phone in my hands, I sigh sadly hoping whoever is on the other end won't hear my distress. Listening to the person on the line intently, I transfer the customer to public relations before I place the phone back on the receiver, inhaling sharply.

Looking around at my spacious, plush office, I inwardly scowl. I hate this. I actually got my own couch in here and everything like Justin's office. But, even my new working environment won't fill the void in my heart. My new salary and new found career won't take away the emptiness I feel. I miss him. I miss Justin. It's been a little over a month. And guess what? I haven't seen or spoken to him in any of that time. He didn't just kick me out of his house a month ago, but out of his life as well.

The day after I spoke to Trace about the terrible argument Justin and I had, he called and apologized for barging into my apartment. He was sad, and angry I broke his best friend's heart but I think he understood me in a way I know Justin never could. Jeremy also called me later that night begging for my forgiveness. I'm not sure what came over him but he almost seemed terrified of something. I've also heard rumors that Justin confronted him but Jeremy won't justify them and Justin isn't around. I'm a little scared to find out what went down between those two. Whatever it was, Jeremy and I made back that night. I thought if Jeremy and I were ok, I could maybe build the courage to break things off with him and make up with Justin but, I was wrong. Because when I tried to get a hold of Ju the next day, I was unsuccessful. Desperate to make things right with him, I went over to Trace's hoping he could tell me where Justin was.

I think a part of me emotionally died that day when Trace looked at me with this sympathetic smile, not even wanting to let me into his home. "He's gone." He told me coldly and I nearly fainted by that statement. I was ready for the worse, but not what Trace was about to admit. "What do you mean he's gone?" I asked angrily. No, Justin was supposed to wait for me to come back. He should have known I would always come back, damn it. "He left; he's gone Zar-bear. I have no idea where he went, but he packed some shit and left." Trace explained and at that moment my heart sank to my feet.

Justin, he just...vanished, disappeared off the face of the earth. Not even Trace knows where he is. The only person who knows Justin's location is his mother and she won't even tell Johnny Wright, Justin's manager his whereabouts. Lynn stated her son needed this time to himself and his health came first. Now you know I'm panicking, wondering if he's sick, but I think I'm his illness and it's not physical. But shit, it's serious if Justin could just uproot himself from his career and life with no warning to the people around him. They're going crazy trying to cover for him and take over at Tennman.

The entire fucking industry and Jive are throwing tantrums, demanding the return of their superstar. But, if I know Ju, he doesn't care about any of that. He won't return unless he's fully ready. I blame myself for everyone's problems at Jive and Tennman. I caused this. I, I pushed him away. Maybe he's trying to mend his heart, or soul. I know I'm trying, but it's been a tough month without him. However, I can't dwell on this. Justin clearly doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Like I've stated, it's what's best, I guess. I'm not sure anymore. I know if given the chance, I'll not rest until things are right between us again. It's the least I can do for the mess I've caused.

I miss his smile, his laugh, his voice, his cute facial expressions, the way he'd always call me berry, his craziness and the sweet little things he'd do or say to me. I miss everything about him. I miss his kiss, and his touch and I just, I just wish we could have another amazing night together.

I'm a mess. I don't even feel right with Jer anymore. We haven't fought since that faithful night, but sometimes I wish we would. That would give me a reason to leave him and never look back or dwell on the guilt that I'm in love with another man who will never fully be mine. The night I slept with Justin - it was all over. I'll never feel satisfied with any other man unless it's Justin filling me up just right again. Sex with Jeremy is like a routine now and it shouldn't be. We've only been seeing each other for a few months but still, no one but Justin can quench this insatiable thirst I have.

I need to stop doing this to myself. I, I have a job to do...I can't keep doing this. I need, I need to...

"I hate him! Where the hell is he?"

Ripping my eyes away from the stack of papers on my desk, I glance up at a crying Yolanda. Oh no, what happened now? She just barged into my office without knocking and she's all hysterical.

"What's wrong Yol?" I ask out of concern. We've built quite a bond over the past month when Justin walked out on everyone. I'm the only one keeping her career afloat right now. So, it's tough on me but I'm dealing with the planning and scheduling.

"Justin! I hate him! Where is he?" She sobs.

"You know Justin isn't here Yolanda."

"Well, why the hell not? When is he coming back? I need him." She whines, pushing some of her blonde hair out of her face.

"I don't know when he'll be back. Hopefully it's soon. I thought you hated him?" I smirk.

"I do! He hired the worse team of bodyguards for me ever! I can't do anything or go anywhere Zara! They're so strict! It's not fair! And my new Personal trainer is the devil in disguise. He's so mean and uncaring. Jeremy never worked me like that. I miss Jeremy. This Blake guy is the biggest jerk ever! I hate him and Justin for hiring him! And all my studio times are fucked up too!" Yolanda vents.

Well, I've been dealing with these outbursts from her for weeks now. Everyone is on edge. I hate to say it, but Justin is the glue holding this business together. Without him, things are falling apart. I also failed to mention that he fired Jeremy. I'm not sure how or when it happened since he's been gone all this time, but Jeremy did inform me that he wasn't working for Yolanda anymore. He's gotten a new job though, dealing with a new artist signed to Universal so, he's good.

"Ok Yol. No use crying over spilled milk. I'll tell you what though. I'll get your studio times fixed up and what say me and you have a girls night this weekend? Just the two of us." I know she's still young and this business is getting to her. I think she just needs to unwind a bit.

"Really?" She asks excitedly, wiping at her tear stained cheeks.

"Really girl." I smile at her.

"Ok! Does Friday sound good? You can sleep over at my place and head back home the next day."

"That's fine Yol. Whatever makes you feel better, I'm here for you." I give her a reassuring hug. This might be good for me too. I could get my mind off the disaster that is my current life.

"Ok, I'm going to head out to the spa so I'll see you later. Bye Z!" She states cheerily, dashing out of my office and slamming the door behind her. Well that was easy. I wish everyone could be cheered up and forget about their problems like that. Yolanda makes it seem so simple but it's really not.

Reclaiming my seat at my desk, I begin fiddling with the silver charm bracelet on my wrist, smiling at the memory of the day Justin dragged me to the mall in LA to show me the infamous ‘Strawberry store'.

...Flashback...

"Berry I swear to you we are leaving now; you've gotten enough." Justin laughs, pulling me towards the entrance of the store with endless bags in all our hands including his bodyguards.

"Wait, no. One more thing." I giggle, as he keeps his grip around my arm still hauling me away.

"No! You're going to run me broke woman. Let's go!"

"One more thing Justin please?" I beg with pleading eyes. I really don't want anything. I just want to hang around for a bit.

Sighing with defeat, he lets me go, still smiling brightly. "Fine. But I liked it when you were panicking earlier and ready to bolt out of the store because you thought they didn't have your dress size." He jokes.

"Oh shut up." I hit him playfully, walking over to the display case.

"So, what's the one more thing?"

Scanning the items carefully, my eyes zoom in on a beautiful silver charm bracelet with chain links. "Oh, that's pretty." I coo, touching the glass case.

"You like it?" Justin enquires, coming up to my side to get a better look at the item.

"Of course it's nice but..." I stare at the price tag and frown. two grand for a fucking bracelet? Are you shitting me? Ok, so it's diamond encrusted and all, but still...

"Then it's yours." Justin states, signaling Ashley ‘the sales girl' over.

"What? No Justin it's too expensive I..."

"Don't you dare protest berry. Just let me do this." He warns.

Silencing me with his hand, he greets Ashley with a warm smile. "We'll take this one Ashley." Justin points to the object and I feel my heart skip a beat. He really shouldn't be doing all this for me.

"Great choice Mr. Timberlake" Ashley states, pulling out the bracelet from its display to wrap it up, and he nods in agreement with her.

All I can do is stand and watch in silence and awe. He's amazing. And I'm not just saying that because he's buying me jewelry. Justin is just...well he's Justin. He's something special that could never be duplicated. He truly is a rare catch. Too bad we can't be together though.

Finally getting everything I could think of purchasing in the store, we finally exit with mountains of bags, laughing up a storm when Mike trips over and nearly loses his balance. Mike just scoffs at us, ignoring the fact that Justin and I are laughing at his expense.

"So, did you have fun?" Justin asks as we make our way out the mall and to the parking lot with his bodyguards right at our side.

"I did." I smile at him. "Thank you for a great day Justin." I would kiss him right now, but we're out in public and our hands are kind of full.

Shaking his head, he grins without responding as we continue on our journey. There's no need to respond though. I think it's safe to say we're just enjoying this moment being in each other's company.

....End Flashback....

Sniffling a bit, my head snaps up and I clear my thoughts when I hear a knock on my office door.

Brushing down my grey and white pant suit, I fix my composure before I voice ‘enter.'

Watching the door ease open, I immediately break out into a smile when I see Jeffery Rush walk in, taking a seat on my leather couch.

"Hey girl. You know I need to get me one of these couches. They're so comfortable. So what's going on?" he asks, making himself at home on my office couch.

"Not much. Just finishing up some work to head home for the afternoon." I respond, stuffing some papers into my desk.

"Yolanda's got you busy huh?" He queries and I nod in response. "Ok, well how about we hang out and grab a bite to eat on our way home? We could catch up since things have been busy and everyone has been running around here with their heads cut off." He suggests, staring at me while awaiting a response.

"Sure. I'd like that. Just let me put these schedules in order and I'll be right with you." I explain.

"Take your time girl. I'm not going anywhere." Jeffery jokes, lying back on my couch and shutting his eyes. Ah good ole Jeffery. He's turning out to be a really great friend. Especially since I've been back on the job. He's like my own personal bodyguard against Mallory. He defends my honor non-stop when she tries to start confrontations with me. I thank my lucky stars for Jeffery. He's a godsend.

A few minutes later, I'm done with my work and packing up my belongings before Jeffery escorts me out of my office. Locking up, we make our way down the hall, passing Justin's vacant office on our way to the elevators.

Suddenly, I feel like crawling into a hole away from all civilization. I really hope Justin comes home soon. I really do want to make things right between us. I can't stand to be away from him like this. I need him. As selfish as I've been, I still need him and he's still my Ju.

****

Days later...Somewhere up north...

This is the life. Sometimes, I'm a little disappointed that this can't last forever and I'll eventually have to return to my crazy, hectic existence. Living in the mountains is really amazing though. I bought this log cabin years ago when I was dating Britney. Fortunately, she never knew about it. No one did except my mom. I was actually looking for vacation spots and this place grasped my attention. A few days later, I was up here looking at real estate and picked out this cozy log cabin overlooking the mountains, lakes and dense forests. It's so peaceful out here and away from all human life. That's the best part about this spot. No one can find me up here. It's my own private getaway spot.

I've never shared it with anyone, not even Trace. There was a time when I felt like Zara was as close as they came but I was wrong. I still don't understand how I could have been so wrong about her. I know I'm not the best person. In fact, on a normal basis, I'm the biggest jerk you'd find. I don't care much about people liking me. I care about getting whatever needs to be done, accomplished in the least possible time. That doesn't only apply to my work, but also my life on a whole. There's no room for slip ups in the entertainment industry. It could cost you a shit load of money if any mishaps took place.

But back to my reason for being here. It's no surprise that Jahzara is the main factor in my ‘runaway' antics. It's what I did obviously. I was too chicken, too heartbroken, too much of a soft sap to stay and deal with my demons. I still can't believe I'm here. How did I get here? I can't believe that this has become my life. I, Justin Timberlake am in love with a woman that might never be mine. It's sad, because it started out fucked up, so I guess that's the only way it could end right? I guess that's life for you. Ever realized that we don't care what life throws at us as long as we're happy with it? But, when things aren't working out our way, life suddenly becomes unfair.

I mean, I'm not going anywhere. My life is at a stand still for as long as I allow it to be. I have all the time in the world right now as I sit on my porch in my rocking chair, staring off at the scenery. Ah, mother nature at her best. I love the serenity of the place. I can hear the bristling of the leaves in the wind and the calmness is like a soft, silent lullaby urging me to fall asleep right in this very spot. Too bad Zara won't give my thoughts a break to regain my normal eating and sleeping patterns. I've been here for a month and the most sleep I've gotten in a single night, is four hours with no interruptions. Sad right? I think out of all the drama that has been my life for the past few months, the scariest part is feeling like not having Zara in my life the way I want her to be will destroy me. It's almost like I need her to function. It's like, it's like...sighing, I rub at my growing beard trying to make some sense of my feelings and thought processes.

Ok, I've got it figured out. It's like I'm craving her, needing her in the way I need air to fill my lungs. You get what I'm saying? I can't stop breathing. If I do I'll surely die. Air is a necessity, and berry well, she's dangerously close in importance. Did any of that make sense? I think I'm suffering from temporary insanity due to seclusion and isolation from the outside world. I bet you're wondering, maybe dying to know what happened between me and Jeremy the night I showed up at his house. Honestly, he's the last person I want to talk about right now. You'll find out in due time, that I'm certain of. But right now, I'm trying to figure out how on this fucking green earth could I compare Jahzara to my necessity for air in order to stay alive. This is some fucked up shit. This realization is making things all the more difficult for me to deal with.

How do I breathe
How do I breathe
Feels so different being here
I'm so used to being next to you
Life for me is not the same
There's no-one to talk to
Don't know why I let it go too far
Starting over it's so hard

Seems like everywhere I try to go
I keep thinking of you

Shit, I'm in love with my fucking employee; an employee that I would never give a second glance to had it been just a few months ago. I hate time. Time is a bitch. Time changes everything. I need to stop thinking about her. She royally fucked me up. She broke my heart. She's the reason why I'm up here in fucking ‘Tim-buck 2'. She's the reason why I'm sitting out here by myself, on the verge of fucking tears because I'm too coward to deal with my problems; Because, I wore my heart on my sleeve which I never do; Because I'm a fucking dramatic idiot and maybe taking everything to heart and too seriously. But you know what? I still love her. It won't go away. I can't shake it. It's stuck with me. It all happened suddenly but I don't care. Sill, I'm the one that pushed her out of my life because I wasn't ready to fight for her. Even if I admitted my feelings, I wasn't ready to prove to her how much I truly cared and just what I'd do to make her mine and keep her.

I just had a wakeup call
Wishing that I never let you fall
Baby your not to blame at all
When I'm the one that pushed you away
Baby if you knew I care
You never would've went nowhere
Girl I should have been right there

For anyone who's loved someone and the person didn't love you back or you couldn't be with that person, it's one of the most fucked up feelings in the world. It can literally drive you crazy if you're not strong enough. I'd like to think I'm strong enough. That's why I'm here. It's a healing remedy for me. Yeah, this is my way of healing. I'll be back to myself and my life in no time, with a new attitude and outlook on things. But it's hard. It's hard because I miss her terribly and I can't stand the thought of being right next to her, knowing I could never have her.

How do I breathe
Without you here by my side
How will I see
when Your love brought me to the light
Where do I go
When your hearts where I lay my head
When your not with me
How do I breathe
How do I breathe

And it's all because we decided to be stupid and play this fucked up game of cat and mouse. Now, Zara's with another man. He's a first class asshole might I add, and I'm stuck with a clingy, needy female who I'll be getting rid of no questions asked, when I return home. I refrained from firing Mallory but I can't live like this anymore. She has to go. It's an early new year's resolution. I'm getting rid of all the negatives in my life. If I can clean up my act, I'm pretty sure things could be bearable again. But there's one thing I know I'd never be able to bare; it's Zara in the arms of another man. I'll rip my eyes out if I have to.

Girl I'm losing my mind
Yes I made a mistake
Thought that you would be mine
Guess the joke was on me
I miss you so bad I cant sleep
I wish I knew where you could be
Another dude is replacing me
Girl this cant be happening

But, you know what? I'm tired of sitting out here. I'm becoming too engrossed in my thoughts. If I keep this up, I'll be popping anti-depressant pills.

I just had a wakeup call
Wishing that I never let you fall
Baby your not to blame at all
When I'm the one that pushed you away
Baby if you knew I care

You never would have went nowhere
Girl I should have been right there

Standing from my sitting position on my chair, I make my way into the cabin, turning on the yellow lights as I walk further into the living room. Looking around at the simple décor that consists of everything wooden and vanished, I plop down on a nearby sofa, pulling my cell phone out of my pocket. Glaring at it like it's going to burst into flames at any second, I flip it open, hitting the power button and holding my breath in the process. It's the only connection I have to the world around me and this is the first time I've switched on that device since I've been here.

I cant get over you no
Baby I don't wanna let go
Girl you need to come home
Back to me
Cause girl you made it hard to breathe
When your not with me

My phone instantly beeps, showing that I have over a hundred messages. Oh, this can't be good. This is bad. I'm almost betting Trace, Jive and Johnny have been trying to get a hold of me as well as Tennman executives and employees. Hmm, I wonder if Zara ever tried reaching me. Not like it would matter but I can't help but wonder. I'll scan through the messages later though.

Ignoring the fact that my voicemail inbox is overloaded and my text message inbox is full, I hit speed dial, leaning forward to turn on the little makeshift radio in the living room. It's too quiet in here. Sometimes, the silence can be deafening. A little music would be a good change of pace.

Keeping the phone to my ears, I turn up the radio, trying to grasp the track and lyrics filtering through on the only accessible radio station up here. Lucky me. Ending the call, I pause briefly to listen to the song being played. I've finally identified it and my face instantly creases into a frown from disapproval. What are these people mind readers? I'm beginning to hate listening to the radio. There is always some fucked up track playing that toys with my mood. Now, I had to be greeted with Mario. It's fucking ironic if you ask me.

Tell me
How do I breathe
Without you here by my side
How will I see
When Your love brought me to the light
Where do I go
When your hearts where I laid my head
When your not with me
How do I breathe
How do I breathe....

Scoffing, I pull out the plug of the radio from the socket without thinking. Ok, I could have fucked it up by doing that but, at least I got the blasted thing turned off. Diverting my attention elsewhere, I hit the speed dial on my phone once again, praying that someone picks up this time. Looking down at my cotton pants and navy blue t-shirt, I laugh to myself at how pathetic I am. I've worn that attire the past two days in a row without taking a shower. Yeah, I feel nasty right now. That's very unhygienic of me. I'll definitely be taking a long, hot shower in a few minutes. But, right after I end this call.

"Hello? Justin baby is that you?"

My entire mood lifts up from its current obscurity when I hear my mother's warm voice over the line.

"Hey Ma. What took you so long?" I ask, happy to be interacting with another person at this moment.

"I'm so sorry. I was out taking in the laundry and missed your call. I was going to call back but you beat me to it." She laughs and I chuckle lightly. Her southern twang sounds like heaven to me.

"Oh, well that's good. How's dad and everyone?" I inquire. I feel like I've been living on another planet.

"Everyone is fine. We're all worried about you though. How are you doing sweetie? Took all the time you needed to get everything that's been bothering you out of your system?"

How do I answer that question? Zara is far from being out of my system. In case you were wondering, my mom doesn't know about everything that's happened between Zara and me. I just, no time ever seems to be perfect enough to tell her. I'll tell her, just...not right now.

"Yeah, I feel much better." I half-lie. It's only part of a lie. I really do feel better, just not as much as I'm letting on.

"Ok baby that's good. I'm so happy you called. At least now I know you're alright. But you can't deny your responsibilities for much longer Justin. Everyone has been hounding me, trying to get a hold of you." She explains and I hear Paul's voice somewhere in the background. I miss home. Maybe my next getaway will be home...well I know it will be, for thanksgiving at least. I'm not sure how Christmas is stacking up this year, but I need some peach cobbler from my grandma. That's a given.

"I know Ma. That's actually why I called." I state.

"Oh?"

"Yeah." I smile, even though she can't see me as I rest back in my seat to get more comfortable. I can handle this now. I don't need to be here anymore. It was fun while it lasted but all good things come to an end...

"I think...well, I know...It's time to go home. So, I'm going back home Ma. I'll leave some time tomorrow. Just wanted you to be the first to know..."

****

Quotes by: Judy Garland, Unknown

Song credit: How do I Breathe by - Mario

October...Friday Morning...

Tennman Records...

Orlando, FL...

I Need You Now More Than Ever

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."

"So In other words, you're completely fucked."

Lifting my head to glance at Trace I scowl unappreciatively. "Thanks Tracey-poo. You're so helpful." I blast.

"I'm just saying Zar-bear." Leaning back, he props his legs up on my desk and I stare at him like he's deranged.

"Trace, this is not a house. It's an office." I state, smacking his foot off my vanished desk.

"Justin lets me do what I want." He sulks.

"Well, I'm not Justin. You're his best friend and assistant, you can afford to do what you want around him." I retort with a cheeky smile.

"You're my friend too Zara."

"So?"

"Just forget it. I won't put my feet on your precious desk. But what are you going to do about Yolanda though? Because, if you don't find a way to reschedule her activities for the next few months, you're fucked." Trace reiterates.

"Don't you think I know that she's overbooked? We'll run the girl into the ground with this current schedule. You know, Mallory was the one who did this when I was out for the three weeks while my new office was being prepared. I tell you, the woman has it in for me. Now I'm going to have to call all these stations, shows, designers...everyone to reschedule. I started on Monday but this is insane." I explain, sighing heavily at the crazy schedule sitting quaintly on my desk. "I think Mallory did this to get back at me for Justin." I reason and Trace nods in agreement.

"Can you blame her though? She's hooked on him. He's going to break her heart though." He explains.

"Why would you say that?" I inquire, fully intrigued.

"Because he doesn't love her. He's in love in with you Zara. You know this. It's like a cycle. Someone always gets their heart broken."

Leaning my head back, I look up at the ceiling in thought. "I love him too you know." I whisper to Trace. He's the only person who knows my true feelings for Justin and I've threatened him with murder to keep his mouth shut. However, he knows I'm not capable of homicide. He's just waiting for me to tell Justin on my own. Over the past month Trace and I have become closer than we were before. I guess we have a common bond which is Ju and he's been gone for so long. We spend hours on the phone and there are the few occasions he stops by my house to hang out. He and Malcolm get along great so I'm not worried. He's a good loyal friend. I can understand why Justin values their friendship so much.

"You need to tell him and end all this Zara. The ball in is in your court. Why won't you break things off with Jeremy? What's really going on?" Trace probes, leaning forward and propping his elbows on my desk.

"What do you mean?" I ask nervously.

"Ok, I'm not Justin here. We're friends right?" He stipulates and I shake my head. "Right. And friends are supposed to share things with each other. Now, please. If you won't tell Justin or anyone else, tell me. I've told you before, I'm here for you. I need to know. Why do you act this way? Why do you shut people out and why are you so reserved? I know there are people like that, but yours seems to be an extreme. I mean, I can't figure out for the life of me, why you won't just end your relationship with Jeremy and be with Justin if that's where your heart lies. Help me understand Zara. You need to tell someone. Everyone needs someone at some point in their lives. No man is an Island." Trace reasons and I actually smile amiably at him. He's so wise. He hardly ever shows it, since most times he's a goof, but Trace is slowly becoming one of my favorite persons.

"You want the truth?" I ponder, realizing, maybe I should open up to someone besides Malcolm who already knows. We just never talk about it.

"The whole truth and nothing but the truth." Trace jokes and I just roll my eyes at him getting more comfortable in my chair. Work can wait for now.

"Ok, well...I guess it all began when I was younger in high school. I don't know if you know this, but both my parents died in a car accident when I was just a little girl." I begin, watching as Trace's eyes grow wide.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. That explains your close connection with Malcolm."

"Yeah he's all I have. But don't be sorry. I mean, I barely remember my parents. I was too young to fully comprehend. I just have faint, hazy memories of them." I assure.

"That's terrible." Trace breathes out, fully engrossed in my story.

"Yeah well, life happens and so does death." Taking a few seconds to regain my bearings, I breathe out a long sigh diving into the main cause of my current ‘personality.' "Basically, back in high school, I was the outcast for two reasons. I was supposedly ‘fat & hideous' and I was mixed in race, since my dad was half-white half-Spanish and my mom was black. I was a relatively outgoing straight A student. I had a few friends and an 'ok' social life. All that changed one day though when I accidentally bounced into one of the popular girls in my school. Her name was Whitney Bradshaw." This is going to be a hard tale to tell but it has to be said.

"She was the head cheerleader and my clumsy self wasn't paying attention so I emptied my entire lunch tray on her cheerleading uniform. She screamed out blasphemies and called me every name in the book. She was convinced I did it on purpose because I was jealous of her or whatever. Then, she jacked me backwards and I fell to the floor in the lunch room in front of all my peers. She then said and I quote: "Watch where you're going half-cast." Then, she stepped over me, leaving me alone and thoroughly embarrassed. Everyone was silent, but soon they began laughing and kept calling me half-cast. I was mortified."

"That's how my daily bullying and belittling began. No one called me by my name anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure many of the students didn't even know my real name. I was the freak, the giant because of my height and the mixed orphan girl with no parents. The bullying became unbearable because I started getting beat up on a regular basis. They kept telling me I was fat and ugly and a waste of life. That I was worthless and would never amount to anything. I always came home with a new bruise that I would hide from my aunt Patrice and Malcolm." Pausing to look over at Trace, I could have sworn I just heard him sniffle. I know it's a sad tale, but over the years I've become numb to the memories.

"Anyway, one day, when I came out of the shower, Malcolm entered the bathroom without knocking and just as I was wrapping my towel around my body, he noticed all the bruises on my arms, side and legs I was hiding with long jeans and long sleeved shirts. He was furious beyond reason and told Aunty Patrice, demanding that she went to the school to confront the principal and my attackers' parents. He would have done it himself, but no one would have listened to a bunch of kids. Aunty Patrice however declined, stating that it was bad for her reputation. She already had enough on her plate having to raise her ‘sister's children.' That's when it became clear to me we were just a burden on her. She made us feel like we were trapping her down. She made us feel guilty. Like she was wasting her life away on us. That's why, when Malcolm was old enough to provide for us and Patrice up and left, eloping in the Caribbean, I felt no void or pain. I never cared to stay in touch with her, because everything was so awkward you know?"

Trace instantly nods his head, blinking slowly at me. He's really absorbing all this in. Well, it feels good to let it out to someone other than my brother after all these years.

"Yeah, so basically, that whole experience was psychologically damaging. After aunt Patrice left, I tried counseling, because losing your parents at an early age and undergoing the type of torture that I did, is hard on a young person's mind and development. Malcolm couldn't afford to continue paying for my sessions so, I stopped short of ever getting the help I needed. I guess part of that is why I took up Psychology in college. I thought I could help persons with damaging situations like these since I could relate. I also thought having that as a major and profession, maybe I could help heal me as well. It was never easy. It's still not. But sadly, I had to cut school short to make money since Malcolm and I were struggling on our own. "

"I began working secretary and receptionists jobs until I landed the job here at Tennman. With Malcolm, he had no other option but to join the police force to keep a steady income. It wasn't his preferred choice. He always wanted to be a personal trainer like what Jeremy does or a basketball player in the NBA since he played back in high school. He was really good too and had a basketball scholarship to college and everything; but at the time he had no choice but to drop out of school to work and support us. He's grown to love his job as an officer of the law though, so I'm happy. I just get really scared when he's on field duty. I always pray that he comes home unscarred. I couldn't lose my brother too. That would kill me."

"Ask for me, I think what really put the icing on the cake was my senior year in college when I was going for my bachelors. There was this guy that I was head over heals for and he was in my psych class. He was the perfect guy to me. Don't get me wrong, I dated, had a few guy friends but, nothing serious. But this guy though. He was...everything." I continue, watching as Trace crinkles his nose but, he doesn't dare interrupt my flow.

"His name was Christian Andrew Hemingway; Chris for short. He was gorgeous and he was a white boy with piercing blue eyes, just like Justin's. Oh, it's a thing in my family. Us black women have a thing for the white milk chocolates." I joke, hearing Trace snicker.

"Damn, this story is getting interesting. Please continue." He finally speaks eagerly.

"Right. So, I was crushing on Chris immensely you know? He was the perfect package. Tall, lean physic, all the girls loved him, he was smart and his family was loaded with cash. He had so much charm and charisma. He was definitely a ladies man and always well groomed. His blonde hair was always gelled to perfection and his teeth were as white as snow every time he smiled. He wasn't cocky either. He displayed just the right amount of confidence to remain laid back and down to earth. Oh, I had it bad. I always admired him from a far, knowing that I wasn't his type and he'd never give me a second glance."

"Until one faithful day. We had an assignment and I was paired with him for the project in class. That was the first time he talked to me. Granted he didn't know my name then, he always called me Angel Eyes, because he stated my eyes were so deep and full of mystery and every time he looked into them it reminded him of heaven and all that crap..."

Trace lets out a hearty laugh but soon calms down so I can proceed with my saga.

"To cut a long story short, one thing led to another and before I knew it we were a full out couple. Everyone in school always stared and criticized our relationship. They couldn't understand how a guy like him would be with someone like me. He was so popular and his family had a well developed wine business. Chris never let that faze him though. He claimed he loved me and he would stand by me and I believed him."

"That was until the pressure became too much to bare. People didn't want us together. Even in this day and age, racism still exists. It was so bad, that one night when we were leaving his house, people driving by threw bottles at us and smashed the windows of his brand new viper. He was furious, but he still stuck by me, and I was grateful. But as it was nearing graduation, things were becoming stressful between us. We were trying to make sense of our future and those girls that were after him weren't making it easy."

"He always told me I had nothing to worry about but I was still worried. There was this one girl named Glacia who wouldn't let up. I later found out she was an old ex of his from back in high school and she wanted him back. I was devastated but, Chris always remained true you know? He wanted me to be with him when he moved to England for graduate school by his folks. He offered to pay for the rest of my school and take care of everything for me to be with him. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't leave Malcolm. He was my last bloodline. I knew after graduation we'd not be able to be together, but I was young and in love and stupid. I held the façade that we'd make the long distance work."

"Unfortunately it didn't even get that far. Because, the night of the prom after party that Chris hosted at his house, I walked in on him and the same girl in his room having sex. He blamed it on being drunk but I knew better. She finally got to him. I mean, why wouldn't she? She was beautiful and she was a model. Her tall, slender frame, green eyes, long legs and flowing brown hair was no match for me. I was heartbroken. I was hurt. But what hurt even more, was when Chris said, "Maybe it's best this way. You and I both knew we'd never work out. We're from two different worlds Jahzara and you were never my type. I was willing to look past it because I loved you, but look at how much trouble it's caused for us and with my family. I'll always love you angel-eyes but, maybe, maybe I should stick to my own kind." And that was all it took for me to break down."

Wiping at my dry eyes, I will away the tears I can feel stinging the back of my eye lids. Even after all those years, Chris's words still burn me like scorching fire.

"Wow..." Trace states in a low whistle. "What a jackass." He hisses with instant detest. Ah, that's why I love my Tracey-poo. He understands me so well.

"Yeah, but at the time I was too shocked and too numb to do anything. So, I ran home and cried. I cried for Malcolm and told him everything. That was the final straw. Chris's words tore me up and I was never the same again. I went through so much in my life and when I finally thought I found someone who loved me for me, I was wrong. He just pitied me or something. He wasn't fully genuine or he would have fought for me you know? I just, damn it. I feel angry every time I think of it."

"Malcolm went over to his house the next day and beat the shit out of him. He's always been overprotective of me, but Chris deserved it. Chris never once said he was sorry either. He just, let go everything we went through just like that. It just took one time to cheat on me and he was gone. He was never really mine. I don't know what it was, but he broke my heart. I loved him with my entire being and he just...he just killed me. I never saw him after that though. I didn't want to. He moved to England like he planned and the bitch he cheated on me with followed. I guess they were meant for each other. But, basically that's my life story in a nutshell. Hope I didn't bore you to death." I laugh, wiping at my now moist cheeks.

Trace gives me a sympathetic smile, straightening his posture. Scratching at his stubble, he seems to be deep in thought about something or other.

"So, let me get this straight. You obviously were dealt a hard hand in life, but are you telling me that Chris is the reason you won't give Justin a chance Zara? He enquires.

"Yeah, I mean, Trace...Justin reminds me of Chris is so many ways it's uncanny. They're so similar in personality that it scares me. It really does. And let's remember that Justin was the same as Chris. Justin never knew my name, never paid attention to me and we ended up in so many fights. I just...I don't know. Jeremy, he's different. He's nothing like them and I don't have to worry about the whole racial issue with him. He's safe and he's never once made me feel unattractive. He always showers me with compliments and I just, I don't want to risk putting my heart on the line again."

"Well, it makes sense I guess. You're scared Justin will do to you what Chris did?"

Locking eyes with the shorter man I smile meekly. "Yeah." I lament, bowing my head and giving my nails some long needed attention.

"But, that's bullshit Zar-bear. You can't let one bad experience in love keep you from loving again." Trace enforces standing and walking around my desk to face me.

"I know but, it's hard. I'm scared. I can't survive another broken heart Trace."

"But you don't and will never love Jeremy. You need to tell Justin everything you told me before it's too late." He suggests and I gasp in shock.

"What? No! And you can't say anything either! Promise me Trace." I panic, standing to face him.

"Fine whatever. I just think you're being dumb to not embrace how you feel. Whether you like it or not, your heart belongs to Jay and his belongs to you. You need to end all ties with Jeremy."

"I can't, I love Jer too." I protest.

"Not the way you love Justin." Trace quips with a knowing glare.

"I know but, Justin is like a Chris clone in so many ways though. It hurts to be around him sometimes. He reminds me so much of the pain I've been through. It's hard Tracey. It's so hard." Feeling a few tears slide down my cheeks, I jump in shock when I hear the office phone buzz. Now is not a good time. I'm ignoring it.

"I guess I understand." Trace sighs in defeat. "I think what you need to do is make a mends with your past and move on. If you hold unto it like you're doing, you'll never be truly happy and there is a guy out there who is willing to give you the world if you let him. He's a good guy. I'd know because he just so happens to be my best friend." Trace grins at me brightly, pulling me into a tight hug.

Inhaling his familiar sent, I relax against his hold. "I guess you're right. But how can I possibly face Chris again after all these years?" I contemplate; my nerves and heartbeat on overdrive.

"You have to if you want to have any type of future with Justin Zara. Do it for you and for Jay. He needs you girl. I'm a little shocked at how hard he's fallen for you. It's really unlike him you know?" Trace skims my back before he pulls away to look at me.

"I know. I guess I need to do this then huh?"

"It's the first step to healing and making things right with You and Justin again."

Trace is right; he seems to always be right. It's really annoying, because I don't know how I'm going to face my past again. It's called your past for a reason. It's not meant to become your present. God, this is going to be so difficult. I don't even know where Chris is, or how to get a hold of him, if he is even alive still. God, I think I'm going to have a heart attack or faint.

"You're right. I'll do it. I need Ju. I, I'll do this for him...for us." I suck up my fears, hearing my office phone go off again, but I'm still ignoring it.

"And Jeremy?" Trace asks with a warning glare.

"What about..."

"Zara!"

"Ok I, I'll...I guess I'll break things off with him." I suggest. "But on my own time. I just want Justin and me to build back a solid friendship and bond first." I state, now fiddling with my white silk blouse and black long dress pants. Jer bought me these. He's been buying me a lot of things lately. I'm wondering if it has anything to do with Justin's 'Yacht gift.' I get the feeling Jer's trying to top it like he is on some competition.

"Good enough for me I guess. It's a start. You have enough to deal with now that Yolanda is a big part of your life."

"Oh my god! I completely forgot about her. I need to get back to work on her schedule. And, we're supposed to be having a girls' night tonight!" I shriek with excitement.

"Oh god." Trace groans, walking away from me. "Well have fun then. I've taken up enough of your time. I'm going to head out." He adds making his way to my door.

"Ok, hey Tracey-poo?" I call out.

"Yeah?" He turns to face me expectantly.

Smiling affably, I nod my head at him with appreciation. "Thanks for being such a great friend."

"No problem, just remember everything I said. And Don't be afraid. I promise you, Justin is nothing like Chris." He solidifies his statement with a wave of his hand, but my response is cut short when another figure cautiously walks into the room.

**

Turning at the sound of the door opening, I see Trace's face light up like a Christmas tree. Mine however, is void of emotions as I stand, paralyzed in place at the sight in front of me.

"Holy shit! You're a sight for sore eyes." Trace laughs in astonishment and relief.

I'm still silent though, glaring at the all too familiar person in amazement and confusion. Ok, I feel like fainting again, but mainly because of how he looks. I know it's the same person, but something about him is different. He looks drained, almost sick and he's lost weight too. In fact, he's skinny. Not to mention that he hasn't shaved in maybe over a month.

He's dressed casually in dark jeans and a grey t-shirt. He has a matching cap on his head, as he grips my door handle tightly, darting his eyes between me and Trace. Oh his eyes. They are still the same gorgeous, piercing blues that I remember. Only, they are dull and emotionless. He looks tired, like he hasn't slept in days. But, when he finally locks unto my hazels with his gaze, I feel like all the wind has been knocked out of my lungs.

Holding my breath, I wait for him to speak...to say anything at all, but he's still just standing there in the doorway, now taking in his surroundings.

Everyone is silent. The atmosphere just became thick and I'm not breathing right. Someone needs to say something and fast before I lose it.

I think Trace read my mind because he's now 'breaking the ice' in the room. "Justin! Dude man! We thought you died! Welcome back bro. Damn you're skinny. What the fuck happened to you?" Trace laughs, giving Justin a manly hug, before he pulls away and turns to look at me with a sidelong grin. I think he's waiting for me to say something, but what do I say? I haven't seen Justin in over a month. What the hell do I say?

"Whatever midget. I could still take your ass." Justin laughs heartily and I inwardly moan at the sound of his smooth, soft voice and cute laugh. God, I've missed this man.

Justin diverts his attention to me and I hold my breath again, anticipating some form of bashing or other.

When he leaves Trace at the door and walks over to me, I know I'm about to get a beat down or something. Don't ask me why but, his new ‘gruff exterior' scares me a bit.

Ok, he's standing, facing me now.

My heart rate is increasing. It's pounding into my ears.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

I might be getting a heart attack here.

I feel dizzy.

I, I feel weak.

My palms are sweaty.

But screw all that because, I just lost all trend of thought as Justin leisurely leans down, enveloping me into his strong arms for a tight, warm hug.

Oh god, he smells so good. And he's gripping unto me so tightly. Like this is the last time we're ever going to be affectionate with each other. God, I hope not.

I've missed him...I've really freaking missed him...god I've missed him so damn much it hurts now that he's here, because his current appearance is my fault. I know it is. His body feels so fragile in my arms. I hope he's not sick or anything.

My senses are going crazy right now when I feel Justin's nose on my neck as he breathes in my sent, exhaling softly.

Lifting his head so his lips can graze against my ears, shivers go down my spine when Justin whispers to me in a low, raspy voice, "Hey..."

"Hey..." I echo back, still in a state of euphoria.

"I've missed you..." he whispers again, this time letting out one of those deep masculine growls from deep within. Oh man, I'm melting here. My legs feel like jelly right now.

And just like that, the moment ends and he pulls away from me completely, taking a few steps back. It's so abrupt, that I nearly fall forward since I was leaning into him for support.

Making his way back to Trace who has the dorkiest grin on his face, Justin signals him over. "We've got some catching up to do man. What say we head out to the studio? Mike is out waiting and I've got a new album that I need to begin working on." Justin explains with his back now to me like I'm not even in the room. Ok, now I feel awkward.

"Sure thing man. Let's go. I was just leaving so Zara could get back to her work." Trace replies and I mentally scream, no I don't want them to go! I want Justin to stay but, I keep my cool.

"Alright then." Justin ushers Trace out of my office but stops abruptly to face me. "Oh, one more thing." Justin states, looking directly at me with a blank expression. I do not like emotionless Justin very much. How will I have any idea of what's going through his mind? His face shows nothing, except a forest growing around his chin and mouth region. He desperately needs to shave. He's almost unrecognizable with that bush on his face.

"What's wrong?" I inquire in a light tone.

"Who's Chris?" He arches his brows at me curiously when I do a double take from his line of questioning.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

How much did he hear?

I can't do this.

I can't fucking do this!

"Uh he, he's...he's my....well..." Stumbling over my words, Trace comes to my rescue.

"Just some guy she went to school with back in the day. She was giving me a crazy joke about something stupid that he did which got him beat up pretty bad. No big deal." Trace shrugs and I shoot him a death glare, but he just winks at me.

"I see. Well, whatever then. I Just heard Trace say the name so I was wondering if it was my Chris from back in the day or something. Trace, let's go man." Justin drops the situation all together and I breathe a sigh of relief. That was easy...too easy...but was it really? I'm not so certain. Mouthing a ‘thank you to Trace,' He gives me a thumbs up for Justin not to see, before he's pulled out of the office and the door slams shut behind them.

**

Walking over to my leather couch, I plop down heavily, letting out a pent up breath. Unfortunately, I barely get a chance to relax before my cell begins to go off. Groaning, I pull the device out of my pant pocket flipping it open.

"Hello?" I voice cheerily.

"Jahzara? Oh thank god! I've been trying to get you on your office phone but no one was answering." The man frantically yaps.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry; I was on a conference call." I lie. I don't want to say I ignored the calls. "So what's up Drew?" I ask happily. "Bugging me to hook you up with another girl at my job again?" I joke. Drew is actually my bother's partner. He's a cool guy and like another brother to me. I don't see him too often though, but he occasionally calls once in a while to bug me when he says Malcolm is being a bore or won't leave him alone. They can be so childish.

"No! No, listen this is not a laughing matter Zary." Oh yeah, he took that nickname from Malcolm. I don't like it but...but something doesn't seem right.

"What? What's wrong Drew?" Ok, I'm panicking now. He's upset and he's gasping for air. "Drew? What's going on? Where's Malcolm?" I belt with fear when he doesn't answer. It sounds like he's fighting to catch his breath. What the fuck is going on? Holding my breath for the millionth time, I feel my heartbeat pick up again.

"It...it's Malcolm. Oh god, I, I didn't make it in time. We...we were responding to a robbery in progress and...and shit...When we got there we heard a loud commotion so Malcolm sprinted from the car with his weapon armed and ready and I was right behind him Jahzara. I was right behind him when we got into that store. Before I could even comprehend what was going on, we were in a full blown shoot out. Shots were being fired everywhere and..." Trailing off, I hear Drew choke out a sob and I'm already prepared for the worse. I'm not even thinking correctly right now.

"Drew?" I whisper, keeping a death grip on the phone as my tears begin to fall.

"He was shot Jahzara. Oh god, I watched them shoot him right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I took out one of the men, but the other one escaped. I'm so sorry. We rushed him to Orlando General Hospital. You need to get down here...." He drifts off again and I hear people talking to him in the background. Seconds later he returns to the phone. "Hey, I just found out that he's in surgery to take out the bullets. But he lost a lot of blood. He might need a blood transfusion. Get down here Z. He needs you...I have to go..."

Before I can even answer, the line goes dead.

And my world was just thrown for another spin.

This is not happening to me.

It can't be real.

My worst fears are coming true.

Please no.

Please god no.

**

Stumbling to my feet after what seems like ages, I drop my phone on the floor in a daze and make my way out of the office without thinking.

As I continue to walk down the hall I pass Justin's office, hearing him and Trace call out to me.

"Zara? I thought you had work to do; where are you going?" Trace asks, but I keep walking, almost in a trance. "Zar-bear? Zara what's wrong with you?"

"Berry!" Justin calls out to my retreating form and I freeze at the sound of my nickname. Making his way over, he looks down at me, scanning my eyes. "Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with you? Your eyes are blood shot and puffy." Grasping my arms, I allow Justin to lead me into his office with Trace close behind.

"Zara you're crying." Trace points out the obvious. I'm still not fully functioning right now.

"Berry...Zara...Hey! Jahzara snap out of it!" Justin shakes me lightly.

"What the hell? Is she in a coma?" Trace waves his hands in front of my face, but I'm staring off into the distance, reliving all the good times Malcolm and I shared together while growing up.

Oh god.

Malcolm.

He's dying.

He...he could already be dead.

This.is.not.happening.

"No! No! No!" I suddenly begin to scream frantically, scaring both Justin and Trace.

"What the...berry please snap out of it. Hey look at me. Look at me Damn it!" Justin pleads, touching my face, trying to get me to focus on him. "Shit, her eyes are so spaced out." He tells Trace.

"No!" I cry out again, falling into Justin's embrace. "Malcolm! No...oh god...he's....no...." I bury my head in his chest, heaving for air as my tears once again cloud my vision.

"Should we call a doctor? Is this normal?" Trace asks, worried laced in his features.

"I...I don't know. I think she's having some sort of trauma or some attack." Justin explains. "Zara, you need to calm down. Come back sweetie. Come back...tell us what happened. Breathe babe. Long, deep breaths." he instructs.

Can't he see I don't care about that?

My brother is fucking dying!

But, I'm still not fully functioning right.

"Hey...strawberry..." Justin whispers, wiping away my tears painstaking slow. He pulls me closer against his firm chest, pushing back my hair to get a better view of me.

I instantly lock eyes with him at the sound of that name. I've missed my Ju. I really have. But this isn't fair, because he's not even mine. I lose everyone I love. It's just not fair!

"Malcolm...hospital....now... got shot!" I mutter, feeling my head pounding. I need to get there. I need to save my brother. I need to donate my blood to save him. He needs me! "He needs me!" I cry out, trying to push Justin away but he stands his ground, not letting me go.

"What?" Trace voices quizzically.

"I think Malcolm was shot and they took him to the hospital." Justin quickly makes sense of my rambling. "You want us to take you Zara?" Justin asks, lifting my chin to kiss my forehead lightly. Why is he doing this? Why does he care? I thought he wanted nothing to do with me. I though he wanted me out of his life for good.

"Y...yes..." I force out, my tongue feeling extremely heavy. "I need you Ju. Please, help us."

"Ok baby, just try to relax ok? I'm here...I'm here. We'll take you. Everything is going to be fine. Which hospital?" Justin coos, trying to calm me down.

"Orlando General." My voice cracks.

"Alright. Trace...get Mike and tell him we have a change of plans." Justin demands.

"Ok." Trace instantly rushes out of the spacious office with haste, slamming the door shut behind him - leaving Justin and me alone.

Looking up at the object of my affection, I smile for him haphazardly, when I feel myself becoming weak. He's just as handsome and adorable from when I last saw him over a month ago, maybe even more so now. "I've missed you Ju...so much." I breathe out, latching unto his shoulders for support.

Letting out a sad sigh, Justin looks away from me, without responding. There's so much pain and confusion in his eyes. Somehow, he just doesn't seem the same to me.

"Ju? I don't...I don't feel too good." I explain, watching in slow motion as he diverts his attention back to me with worried eyes.

However, before he gets a chance to respond, I feel a shooting pain in my head and a light dizzy effect takes over, completely dulling my vision. It only takes seconds later before I give into the complete blackness that slowly empowers me...

****

Quote by: Unknown

Friday Evening,

Orlando General Hospital

Orlando, FL

I Would Do Anything For You - Part 1

"the best relationships--friendship and otherwise--tend to be those where you *can* say anything to the other person but you don't say *everything*, yet you'd do anything for that person."

Nothing could prepare us for this. How could I come back to this...this catastrophe? I thought, I thought this was over. Well, I at least thought I could deal with being around her, but here I am, again, at her side like the pathetic loser I am. I don't want to understand this hold she has on me, because she's done absolutely nothing. It's just...It's the little things that get me. Like her cute smile, annoying nail habit or even the way she drags my name in her screeching whining voice to get her way.

You'd think I could simply walk away from all that but I can't. I've only been back for a few hours and look at where I am. I'm in a fucking hospital, sitting bedside, as I watch Zara's sleeping or rather unconscious form dressed in one of those hideous hospital gowns. She looks so peaceful though. Her chest is slowly moving up and down as she takes in air and exhales ever so softly. Her dark curls are sprawled out over the pillow and her soft velvet like lips twitch every once in a while. I wish she'd open her eyes so I could be graced with her bright hazel orbs. I only saw them a few hours ago and already I'm fucking missing them.

Damn it! How the fuck did I get here...again?! Did my break away from all civilization not work? Because I feel like fucking screaming through frustration and I'm not even sure why anymore...

Flashback...

"Answer me. Did you feel anything at all? It wasn't just sex berry. It meant a whole lot more to me." I explain, calming down a bit.

"Justin..."

"Answer me Damn it! I need to know!"

"Fine! You want to know what it was? It was just sex Justin! It meant nothing! Nothing! I was upset; I was angry because of what happened between me and Jeremy. I used you as a release ok? I used you because you were available and I was furious at my boyfriend. He's still my boyfriend Justin! Or did you forget that. You shouldn't talk when you have Mallory. I don't see you breaking up with her. God! You are so frustrating! I felt nothing ok? Happy now? And I don't love you either...so get over yourself." Zara spits out and instantly covers her mouth with her hand as her eyes grow wide with shock over her ranting.

End Flashback...

Ok, screw everything I just said. I know exactly why I'm here and why I feel the way I feel. Zara did this to me. She fucked me over and as much as I'm sure she's aware of it, she still has no idea how her words will haunt me forever. But you know what? I'm pretty sure I've scarred her with my words as well. I guess we do compliment each other...in some very terrible ways might I add. Do I hate her for it? No, because I should have known better than to get involved with an employee. In a way, I blame myself for all this. When I think back on everything berry and I have been through, I'm the one who pursued her. I'm the one who started most of the arguments and I'm the one who was the inconsiderate jerk of a boss. Damn...

Have I learnt my lesson? I'm not so sure I have. I do feel different though. The way I think and view things are different from the person I was just a few months ago. Shit, a few months ago, I wouldn't give a flying fuck. I didn't even know her name then. I was on my own shit, living my life with no real cares in the world except my responsibility to my business. Now, I'm sitting in a fucking room that smells like death, wishing...praying for Jahzara to just open her eyes. I just need her to grant me that one peek into her soul just one more time. One more time before I let this all go. I can't keep doing this to myself, to her, to us.

She's not going to leave Jeremy for me. He obviously has something I don't. He, he's a fucking asshole! I wish he'd just drop dead or something, as horrible as it sounds right now. He's keeping Zara from me. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

Ah, then there's Mallory. I guess the jackass side of me is still alive and well. If she still considers us a ‘couple' after I disappeared with no warning, then she's the biggest idiot on earth. No loyal, trustworthy boyfriend would up and vanish, leaving his so called girlfriend in the dark and completely confused as to his whereabouts. And you know what? I can't avoid her forever. She still works for me. Shit, I'm not looking forward to the confrontation I know we'll be having sooner or later. It's going to be ugly. I know it's going to be ugly.

But why am I even worrying about this pointless shit? I'm in the fucking hospital. Wait, let me repeat that...the fucking hospital! This is a place where people die constantly. People are maybe dying now as we speak...taking their last breath, and I'm here being a selfish, inconsiderate bastard yet again. I need to focus on the main issue at hand. I have to. Malcolm needs his sister. He needs Jahzara.

Why won't she fucking wake up! The doctor said she just fainted from the shock or trauma or whatever. She should be up by now.

Turning my head to the door of the hospital room, I notice Trace slide in silently as the hallway lights filter through the partially dark room.

Making his way over, he scans Zara then locks eyes with me.

"How is he?" I ask, noting the depression on my best friend's face.

"Still in surgery. Should be out soon. He's going to need that blood transfusion. Zara needs to wake up. The doctor said they can't take blood without her consent." Trace explains, taking a seat next to me. "How is she doing?"

Rubbing at my beard...yes it's a full grown beard now, I sigh in thought. I honestly need to shave. I've turned into a wilderness man or something.

"You need to shave that thing." Trace snickers.

"You read my mind." I chuckle lightly.

"So how is she? How's my Zar-bear really?" He inquires yet again when I don't answer. Suddenly, something dawns on me. Diverting my full attention to Trace, I study his body language and expressions intently. He seems different. The way he's looking at her and the concern in his voice seems almost like...

"Did I miss something between you two?" I enquire curiously.

"Well, since you went m.i.a on us, Zara and I have become really close. I feel like she's my baby sister now and I have to protect her. I can only imagine how Malcolm feels towards her." Trace explains and I nod in understanding still studying him.

He loves her. I can tell. Not in the way I love her of course because well, that would be something totally fucked up. But, I can see it in his eyes. Zara has grown on Trace. He's not going to let her go anywhere. He's rarely ever taken a liking to women I've been interested in. He always felt his friendship was enough for them because they'd never be around long enough for him to consider them family or like blood. But with Zara, I think...no, I know, he truly does consider her one of his own.

"T..."

"Yeah?" he replies, ripping his eyes off Zara to gaze at me.

"What's been going on with her since I've been gone?"

"What do you mean J?" Trace shifts in his seat and the signals in my brain go off. He knows something. That little...he knows something. I've known Trace long enough to pick up on when he's keeping shit from me.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" I instantly change the topic, diving into the obvious.

"I'd rather she told you herself." He replies, not denying that there is something going on that I'm unaware of. Great...just fucking great. Now, I know it's bad if Trace is taking for Zara and not dishing whatever dirt he has on her. God, I hope it's not something like she and Jeremy eloped or some shit. I'd kill them both if that were the case. Or if, or if she was pregnant...heaven forbid. I'd have a stroke for sure. Ok, Justin...calm down. Whatever it is, I need to be positive.

Before I can get a chance to respond to Trace with a smart comment, the familiar sound of Zara's moans fill my ears.

Shit, I can still recall the night we made love in my pool and then my bedroom for hours on end. Sure, her moans were of pleasure and not pain like they seem to be now, but damn it...I just, I want that opportunity to make her moan again.

I just, I want to feel her again. I want our skin to skin contact again and I want to...I want to be able to see the way she'd bite her bottom lip softly every time I'd slide into her, filling her up just right. She had the sexiest whimper I've ever heard. Every time I entered her, just when I'd slide halfway in and then stop, pausing to take in the feel of it all...she'd shudder, biting her lips, then whimper.

I want her so fucking bad. I can't keep torturing myself though. I just...

"Justin?"

I swear, heaven never sounded so sweet.

Both Trace and I zoom in on Zara's now conscious form. She's looking at the both of us a bit perplexed but, that doesn't prevent a smile from adorning her beautiful face.

"Hey berry, how are you feeling?" I ask, leaning forward to take her small hand in mine. Skimming the back of her hand, I shift a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I'll get the Doc." Trace says with a large smile, before he disappears out of the room.

"I, I feel ok I guess. Wait, what's going on? Am I in the hospital? What happened?" She suddenly begins to panic trying to seat up but, I hold her down.

"Shhh...It's ok. Relax. Panicking is what got you here in the first place." I explain.

"What? What are you..." And just like that she trails off as I see tears rapidly forming in her eyes. Ok, I'm guessing she remembers now. "Malcolm." She whispers, too weak to really do anything else.

"He, he's fine." I lie. I honestly have no idea how he's doing. No one has informed us of much at this point.

"Oh my god my Malky. My poor Malky. He, he was shot. He was shot Justin. Why are people so heartless? He, he was just doing his job protecting. He's so good at that. He's so good at protecting people...especially those he knows and loves. He just...he doesn't deserve any of this." Zara begins to cry and I feel terrible for her and for Malcolm. There really is nothing I can do at this point. I guess I just need to be strong for them. That's going to be fucking difficult with the way I feel towards her right now. But, no pain no gain right?

Yeah I don't believe that shit either...

"Justin?"

Diverting my attention to the door yet again, I notice the Doctor, Trace and Malcolm's partner Drew who Trace and I met earlier, walk in.

Shaking Drew's hand, I stand from my seat so the Doctor can get some room to examine Zara.

Moving over to the door where Trace and Drew are now standing, endless thoughts begin circulating through my brain. What the hell does Trace know about Zara that he won't tell me? I'm going to get it out of him one way or another. I don't care if I have to beat the damn information out of him. He should know better than to keep shit from me...especially shit to do with Zara.

Walking over to us, the Doctor gives us a small smile. She's a short middle aged woman with almost a full head of grey hair. I can still see her brown streaks though. She looks like she's stressed out beyond belief and her blue eyes seem worrisome.

"She'll be fine. She was just a little shaken up. I've gotten her consent to take blood for her brother who should be out of surgery soon, if he's not already. Some nurses are coming in to go along with the procedure, then miss Gilmore can get dressed and wait in the waiting room if she'd like. I'm also going to prescribe some medication to help her sleep if she ever has trouble sleeping, due to this recent experience. Also, I'd like to know, which one of you all are closer to the family? I'd like to have a word in private." The woman explains and I frown.

"Is something wrong?" I question.

"I'm sorry, but I should talk to whoever knows her better or is closer to the family." The Doctor repeats and I groan.

"You can talk to Justin." Trace quickly interjects. Glancing over at Drew, he just shrugs signaling for me to talk to the doc. I know he's closer to Malcolm than Zara. I guess this is Zara related.

"Are you the boyfriend?" The doctor gives me a knowing smile and I can feel my cheeks reddening with embarrassment. I wish I was, but I'm not. And it's driving me nuts.

"Uh well actually..."

"Yeah he is. He just doesn't like to talk about it. You know...the whole celebrity and publicity thing."

There Trace goes again, intercepting. Oh, you can bet I'll be bribing or blackmailing him later.

Nodding in understanding, the doctor ushers me away from the group to the other side of the room.

"Don't worry Mr. Timberlake. Patient relationships and information remain confidential." She begins and I nod in silence.

"Right...now I need to ask you some questions about miss Gilmore I'm hoping you can answer."

"Uh, sure I'll try my best."

What the fuck? Ok, now I'm nervous. Please don't be pregnant. Please don't be...

"Is she usually depressed?"

What?

"Huh?" I ask in bewilderment.

"Does she suffer from depression?" The doctor asks again.

"I...I don't know." But now that the doc mentioned it, I'm definitely going to take that into consideration.

"The reason why I'm asking is, when you all brought her in earlier, we found traces of a drug in her system that is linked to anti-depressants. We also noticed that she hasn't been eating. Her body is starving for nourishment. Now usually, those two are linked. When people are depressed, they either eat a lot or starve themselves. I'm just trying to find out if she's displayed any noticeable symptoms, because these conditions can range from mild to severe. Keep in mind that depressant pills cause people to become dependent on them as well as increase suicidal thoughts and tendencies."

Wow, slow the fuck down. What the hell is happening here?

"Wh...what?" Ok, I'm a little shocked right now. Sure, I've noticed that Zara was losing weight. And yes, since I've been back for all my few glorious hours, she looks at least a size smaller again from when I last saw her, but...but what? "What?" I ask again.

"I know this is shocking. And sometimes, these cases go unnoticed until the person does something drastic. But, I'm just letting you know. You might want to pay some close attention to her, or maybe talk to her. I don't want to put anymore pressure on her right now with her brother's situation. Patients with that problem also tend to shut themselves out and get defensive, so be careful with how you approach her. But, I do suggest you find out what's going on with her. If you need any assistance or advice, you can contact me or return to see me."

Blinking slowly, I'm still having a hard time processing what this doctor is saying to me. She has to be lying. She, she must be working with Aston. Yeah, that's it! I'm getting punked! No, wait, that's stupid. But I wish that were the case though.

"Uh...um...ok?" I shrug a bit as I notice a group of nurses enter the room with hospital equipment in tow.

"Don't worry so much now. We have Malcolm to worry about. The traces of the drug should be out of her system by now; we gave her an injection to clear her blood for the transfusion. Right now, Malcolm is still unconscious. He won't be up anytime soon, and neither Zara nor anyone else will be allowed to visit him for the next few hours because doctors are going to be in and out monitoring his progress. My best suggestion to you is to take her home and make sure she gets some rest. We will contact her if he's made any progress and if the transfusion was a success. She needs to head home and rest and regain her strength. You all can come back first thing tomorrow morning and I'll have a word with you. Just let my nurses draw the blood and then she's free to leave ok?" The doctor pats my shoulder reassuringly then moves over to Zara's bedside before I can even get a chance to respond.

Walking back over to Trace, I furrow my brows in confusion. I'm having a hard time processing what I was just told.

"So, is it bad?" Trace nudges my side and I shake my head.

"Na, the doc just suggested we take her home after this. She doesn't think it's wise for Zara to stay here obsessing over her brother. We'll come back first thing tomorrow." I state to both Trace and Drew obviously withholding the rest of the information.

Drew begins swaying back and forth. He's a big, dark guy but, Malcolm is still bigger. Wow, that thought just brought me back months ago when Zara and I were barely getting along. I can remember thinking Malcolm was a body building wannabe. Drew is definitely giving him some competition there. Chuckling to myself, I notice Trace staring at me strangely.

"You've finally gone coo-coo eh?" Trace smiles slyly. "Laughing to yourself for no damn reason."

"Shut up Juan. It's better than crying." I retort.

"You...you feel like crying? Why?" Trace's eyes grow huge with shock.

"No! Damn it, just...shut the hell up." I snap.

"I'll stay." Drew suddenly belts.

"What?" I ask, turning to face him.

"You all take Zara home. I'll stay here with Malcolm. He's like my brother. I owe it to him." Drew reasons.

"Ok, that's cool I guess." I suggest, crossing my arms over my chest, as all the nurses file out of the room one by one when they've completed their job.

"She's all yours. Don't forget to do what I said Justin." The doctor who's name I can't remember for the life of me, smiles warmly as us, as she clutches her clipboard to her chest, before she exits the room, leaving us alone with Zara.

Lifting my head in Zara's direction, I scan her form until my eyes land on the white bandage on her arm where they must have stuck a needle into her vein. Cringing at the thought, I finally lock eyes with her. She's smiling back at me. I'm guessing while we were standing here waiting, the doctor must have spoken to her, reassuring her brother would be fine. I hope the doc did. Because, I know Zara would put up a hell of a fight if we tried to make her leave.

But, I'm not even focusing on that right now. All I can think of is how peaceful and beautiful she looks right now.

Shit, I'd give an arm and a leg if I got to wake up to her beautiful face every morning. I'm so stupid.

Could our situation get any worse?

"Hey watch it!" Trace yells, and I'm forced to tear my eyes away from berry yet again.

"What is wrong with yo..." Drifting off, I glare quietly at the scene unfolding in front of me.

Ok, our situation just got a whole lot worse.

Trace, I assume, was nearly knocked over when the door was opened, because I know his back was resting against it. He looks pissed off now as he's standing there rubbing his arm in pain.

Ah fuck!

Shit!

Fucking great!

I don't think someone upstairs likes me very much.

"Oh my god! Zara, baby!"

I hate that voice. I've grown to despise it. I can already feel my anger rising from the pit of my stomach. I'm going to get some serious swings in if I don't leave this fucking room.

"J...Jeremy?" Zara chokes out, darting her eyes between him and me.

Can you believe it? The asshole is even holding a bouquet of roses? What a dumb ass. She's not dying you idiot and, and it's not like she's bed-ridden. Ok, calm down Justin. Calm the fuck down....and shit.

To hell with it...

"What are you doing here?" Zara inquires, moving away when Jeremy seats next to her, trying to steal a kiss.

That's my girl.

"I got a call from your office telling me you passed out and Malcolm got shot? What's going on babe?" Jeremy follows Zara's stare, turning around to face me. "Oh, Justin. I didn't even see you there..." He states coldly. "Well, thanks for watching over her, but I'm here now, so you guys can leave."

That son of a bitch. He better not test me if he wants to keep Zara...he just...he better not.

"Listen you..."

"Ah, it's cool man. We were just heading out." Trace pulls me to the exit but, I protest by yanking my hand away.

"What? No!" I exclaim. "We promised we'd take her home."

"It's ok Ju. Jeremy can take me...he's here now." Zara pleads.

Oh, she's begging me. She's begging me with her eyes not to start a commotion. And you know what? Just out of respect for her brother, I'll keep my cool...for now. But I want so badly to tell her about my confrontation with Jeremy. I just...I'm not all cruel. I'm not a monster. If I tell her, I'd be just that. This is, complicated. It's fucking...

I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.

"You're serious right now?" I ask her incredulously. What happened to her ‘I've missed you so much Ju' speech, before she passed out? Was it just me? Was I imagining things?

Bowing her head, Zara begins to play with her nails. Oh, I know that habit. I'm wondering if Jeremy knows it. I don't think he pays as much attention to her as I do. She doesn't want me to go. She's nervous, and unsure of herself. I know she wants me here. She wants me to stay. I can fucking see it in her eyes. She's like an open book right now. I wish she'd just say it. All she has to do is say it and all this could be over...

"Zara?" I question, glancing over at Drew and Trace who are both silent. I'm thinking they've picked up on the awkwardness of this situation.

I didn't come back for this.

I didn't come back to have to deal with this bullshit again.

"She'll be fine Justin. Would you all please leave so Zara and I can get some time alone?" Jeremy rudely requests.

But I'm still waiting for Zara to say it. I won't leave unless she wants me to...unless she tells me to.

"B..." I begin but instantly catch my tongue. She doesn't need any lip from her precious Jer if I call her by her nickname. I swear on this green earth, I'll squeeze the life out of him if he ever lays a finger on her again.

"She's fine!" Jeremy enforces. "Just leave!"

"No!" Zara suddenly bursts. "You know what? I think...I think I'd like Justin to take me home Jer."

"What?" Everyone, including Drew says in unison. Alright, now I know, either I'm dreaming, or Ashton is just waiting behind a corner, ready to jump out and tell me the past few months of my life have been an entire joke and none of it was real. If he did, I'd shake his hand then kill him. I'm just twisted like that.

"You can't be serious." Jeremy snaps, clenching his fists together.

Oh he better watch himself.

I'm praying right now for him to give me a reason to go ‘ape-shit' on his ass.

"Listen Jer, whether you like it or not, Justin and I are still friends. Now, I haven't seen him for over a month and Trace will be there. They are just going to take me home then leave so that's no reason to act up ok? I'll be fine and I love that you came to see me and brought me flowers. I really do. But I think I'd like to catch up with my friends for a bit. Besides they were there when I found out about Malcolm. I really need them right now." Zara explains and I can't help the smile that's on my face right now.

Groaning, Jeremy suddenly stands. "This is some bullshit Zara..."

"Jer..."

"No! It's cool. Go ahead and be with your superstar. You know where to find me if you need me."

"Come on Jeremy."

"Just forget it Zara! I don't even want to talk about this now. Your brother is fighting for his life. This is trivial bullshit that can easily be settled at a later date. I'm out." And just like that, Jeremy storms past us, swinging the door open, and then slamming it shut behind him. Well that was easy...too easy. Something doesn't seem right to me with his reaction, but who cares. I just can't believe Zara took my side for a change. Maybe there's hope? Even if it's a slight bit I'll take it.

"Wow." I whisper, still grinning like an idiot.

"Wow is right." Trace finally speaks up, walking over to give Zara a hug. Pulling away, he touches her hand lightly before he pats my back, then heads out of the room with Drew close behind.

"I'm sorry. I just. I need to know you don't hate me, or you're not mad at me. I need, I want us to be on good terms again. I'm so sorry with everything that's happened and everything I've said. I need to know you forgive me." Zara gives me a weak smile as she says this.

"Well, it's a start, but we have a long way to go to be at least good friends." I reason and she nods in understanding. Reclaiming my seat at her side, I scan her face quickly. She really does look kind of sick. I really hope the doctor is wrong with what she told me. If she's right, I know Zara won't take kindly to me butting into her personal affairs.

"I'm willing to give our friendship a try Ju."

"So am I" I smile back at her. Are you shitting me? Friends? Screw that. I'm way past that. She just needs to kick that asshole of a boyfriend to the curb.

"Listen, since we're starting fresh, I need to tell you something..." Zara begins.

"You can tell me anything berry, you know that." I stretch over and grab her hand, urging her to continue.

"Well..."

And we're interrupted yet again.

"Oh my fucking god!" I yell through agitation. "I'm going to put a few people in the morgue tonight, I swear it!" I belt again, hearing Zara giggle. Well, at least she's laughing so, it can't be all bad right?

Soon, I hear the door slam, followed by a loud shriek.

"Jahzara! Oh my god! When I heard the news I, I didn't know what to do! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Rolling my head to the side, I cautiously take in Yolanda's hysterical form. She's crying and her eyes are blood shot red. Her blond hair is up in a messy ponytail and...

"Are you wearing pajamas?" I chuckle.

"What?" She snaps her head in my direction and by the shock on her face, I'm guessing she's only now noticing me. "Justin! Oh my fucking god!"

That was my sentiment exactly when she stormed in here like gale force winds.

Grinning for her, I shrug. She's just like a teeny-bopper with her outlandish behavior.

"Where have you been?" Yolanda instantly falls into my embrace and I hug her back, releasing a light chortle.

"Good to see you too Yolanda."

"Oh my god I hate you! But I'm glad you're back. It's been crazy without you." She smiles for me, before heading over to Zara.

"Uh, ok then." I state slowly. That girl has a few loose screws.

"I'm so sorry I missed the girls' night. I'll make it up to you I promise." Zara apologizes but Yolanda dismisses her apology with a wave of her hand.

"Girl, I don't care about that. You're in a hospital bed! That's huge. And Malcolm, oh my god! Is he ok?"

And here comes the waterworks. I'm a little worried that Zara isn't doing any of the crying herself. She seems really calm from her earlier composure.

Should I be worried? I'm not positive.

"It's ok Yol. He'll be fine. Everything will be fine. It has to be. We'll be checking up on him." Zara assures her.

"Ok, but I'm going to stay here with you guys."

"Well we were just going to get ready to take Zara home." I voice. "You can come along and hang out with us if you'd like. I'm sure she doesn't want to be alone right now." I suggest.

"Ok. I'm there." Yolanda replies eagerly.

"Great. Well berry, we're going to leave you to get dressed then we'll head out." I stand on my feet and Yolanda follows suit.

"Sure. And thanks for everything Justin." Zara gazes at me with gratitude.

"Think nothing of it. You know I'd do anything for you if I had to..." I explain receiving a strange glare from Yolanda. Should I have not said that in her presence?

"Oh this reminds me! I saw Jeremy leaving when we got in. He seemed pissed." Yolanda adds.

As he should be, that asshole...hold on. Did she say...

"We?" I inquire with a frown.

"Yeah! Mallory is out in the waiting room."

"Are you shitting me?" I ask as my nerves begin to take over. Oh, this is not going to blow over well. I am almost certain she won't be easy to get rid of like Jeremy.

"No, she said she was concerned. Something about coming to see if Zara was dead or alive and well." Yolanda states uncaringly. She has no idea what she just said does she?

Both Zara and I exchange worrisome glares. I think we both know what's about to go down. I won't allow it to happen in the hospital though. Mallory knows better than to ever test my authority.

"I'll handle it." I state firmly.

"Let me know when it's safe to come out?" Zara half-jokes. I've warned her about Mallory. Even I get a little scared of what that woman might be capable of.

Shaking my head, I escort Yolanda out of Zara's room, voicing I'd be back shortly, so we can get Zara checked out and taken home.

Well, this is the story of my life I guess.

But you know what I'm feeling right now, that I haven't felt in a long time?

I'm feeling this sudden urge to actually, genuinely and undoubtedly toss Mallory's skinny ass out one of those windows a few stories higher. She better watch herself, because now, I actually have a reason to do it.

Sorry to say it, but Mallory does nothing for me anymore. She's too skinny. She's like a walking mannequin.

I love my women with a little extra meat if you catch my drift. I think my taste in women is changing and I owe it all to Zara. Besides, I've come to realize that women like her, are thick all over. And when I say all over, I mean all over, including that one private area that's hidden between her legs that I'm literally craving to get a taste of in the near future...I hope. Shit, I have it bad. But I think I just found a whole new meaning to the word Strawberry. I wonder if women name their private areas as much as guys do.

Well, I don't give a fuck either way, ‘cause I'm itching to get me some of berry's chocolate covered strawberry. Oh god, I sound like a lame, horny ass bastard. Zara would probably kill me if she knew what I was thinking right now. But I really don't care. The old Justin is allowed to rare his head every once in a while damn it.

As Yolanda and I continue to walk side by side in silence, I can't help but lick my lips in anticipation. Shit, shit, shit. Justin, think of Malcolm. I need to be focusing my thoughts and prayers on him.

But, I just got back from my isolation for fucks sake!

I'm sorry but now that I've had a taste of the pie, I'm craving more. I fucking need more! Fuck Mallory. Fuck Jeremy! Fuck them all! I'll have her.

Oh, I'm betting my life, I'll have Zara again...right where I want her...underneath me, screaming and moaning my name as I slide in and out of her hot, juicy, succulent...

"Justin! Oh my god it really is you!" Mallory shrieks, snapping me out of my sinful thoughts.

I'm just standing, staring at her in a daze. I notice Trace and Drew hanging around in the waiting room. Trace is avoiding me...as he should, that little sneaky midget.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mallory snarls at me.

Oh great...

Here we go...

Ding, ding, ding.

Smiling evilly at her, I roll my eyes. "Hey Lory, what's say me and you maybe head up to the roof where it's quiet so we can talk like civilized adults? Besides, I heard the view of the city is great up there, especially when you're looking down at all the lights and passing cars..." I suggest, bending my head to the side to stretch my muscles.

"I...I guess." She suddenly quiets down. "That's a good idea." I don't think she was expecting me to be so curt with her.

"Great!" I beam, grabbing her hand and excusing ourselves from the small group as we make our way to the elevators.

"Yeah it's even better when you have a zoomed in view...like you're falling or something." I mutter under my breath as I'm beginning to get irritated with her presence. God, she looks like a slut with the piece of dress she's wearing. I can't believe I found that attractive.

"What? Did you say something Justy?" Mallory eyes me strangely as the doors to the elevators open and we step inside.

Leaning against the metal wall, I shrug, pulling out my cell phone to place it on silent so there are no distractions when we get up there. "Why would you assume that? No, no I didn't say anything." I simply reply, pressing the top floor as I watch the elevator doors silently close.

I'm such a terrible person right now. But, there are no windows where we are going obviously, so, I guess the roof will just have to do.

****

Quote by: Unknown

I Would Do Anything For You - Part 2

"Love IS everything it's cracked up to be... it really IS worth fighting for, being brave for, and risking everything for.... the trouble is, if you DON'T risk anything, you risk even more."

"I'm just going to get this out and to the point." I voice and begin to pace as I cross my arms over my chest from the cold wind hitting us up here on this damn roof. Mallory's back is to me and I can literally picture myself running up to her and extending my hands, shoving her forward and over the edge but I quickly shake out those homicidal thoughts. What kind of person would I be if I committed murder? Not to mention I can't be with berry if I'm behind bars.

I think I'm finally losing my mind. This entire scenario is driving me a little loopy.

Turning her attention to me Mallory smiles brightly, rushing up and wrapping her arms around me.

Standing frozen in place, I sigh. This is going to be hard. I may be a jerk but I sill know the woman has some sort of feelings for me. I don't like hurting people like that. I know what it feels like. The feeling sucks balls let me tell you.

"Listen Lory..."

"Don't do it Justin. Please. I know what you're going to say. I'd have to be stupid if I never knew this was coming." She buries her head in my neck holding me tightly while I just stand a bit confused. Wow, I'm seeing a human side of her I haven't seen in an extremely long time. I'm trying to remember if that side ever existed. She better not be putting on an act with me.

"Just..." Trying to push her off me I groan with irritation. "Back up Lory I need to tell you something." Forcefully pushing her away, I pass my hands over my face in frustration.

"Why Justin? Why? What could you possibly see in her? She...she's so..." Making suggestive movements with her hand, Mallory drifts off when I shoot her a death glare.

"You know, there is only one thing keeping me from pushing you right now." I suddenly snarl. "And it's the fact that I'll have to confess to it because of my conscience." Ok, this new Justin, I don't know who the fuck he is or where he came from, but I'm embracing his ass if it will get my point across.

Stumbling back, Mallory blinks slowly in shock suddenly turning quiet. "You don't mean th...that Justy." She stutters.

"No, but honestly, I'm going to cut this short and sweet. It's over ok? It never really began; we were just messing around but well, things change. People change. This has to end and I'm ending it. I've changed and yes it's because of Jahzara and I don't care what you think of her or what you say about her, my feelings towards her will never change. That's one thing I know is constant - it's how I feel about her. I've looked past physical traits and came to realize what an amazing person she is and I really don't give a fuck what shallow people like you or the media or public will have to say about it. I'm sticking with my heart in this one. So, just letting you know." Releasing a sigh of relief I feel like a million tons were just lifted off my chest. "So, now that this is cleared, I'm going to head back down to bring berry home..." Whipping around to leave, Mallory's whimper causes me to stop abruptly.

"But she doesn't love you. She's with Jeremy." She cries out. "I love you Justin. How could you do this to me? Jahzara will never love you; you'll never have her. Don't you get it? She doesn't feel the same way. If she did, she would be dumping Jeremy but I don't see her doing that." She lashes out at me.

Clenching my fist in rage, I continue walking to the exit. "Give her time. She's conflicted right now. We both are." I explain. I know damn well I'm not going to pursue Zara like I was before. I just need to focus on me for a while, but that doesn't mean I won't drop everything to be at her side. I'd do just about anything for that woman. I wish she could see that though. She still doesn't fully trust me and I honestly don't know why. Ok, maybe before I could understand but that Justin isn't around anymore.

Where the fuck is Trace?

Oh his ass is mine.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Berry isn't berry for nothing. Something is up with her.

She's too hot and cold with me. And now, this depression thing that the doctor spoke about?

Not to mention there is still no word on Malcolm.

It's like the universe is against her or something.

"Please Justy. What am I supposed to do? I love you, I need you..." Mallory rushes up to me, grabbing my hands to stop me but I yank myself out of her hold.

"You're a big girl, you'll figure something out. And you don't love me Mallory. You love the idea of me. If you loved me, you wouldn't put up with my shit and take everything I spit out at you. You'd grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. Just, leave me alone." Locking eyes with her, I feel that sudden pang of guilt in my stomach but I know this has to be done. Finally reaching over to doors that lead down the stairways to the elevators, I turn to look at her distraught form one more time.

It's like she doesn't even know what to do with herself. She's just gazing off into the distance, swaying back and forth as she seems mesmerized by all the lights below. Tears are rapidly falling down her cheeks but she doesn't make a sound and I feel terrible again. Bowing my head in shame, I lower my voice as I speak my next few words cautiously. "Mallory, I'm going to need you to clean out your desk on Monday." I state, seeing her snap her head in my direction. Turning away from her I inhale sharply, gripping the handle of the door. "I'm sorry but I can't have you working at Tennman any longer. You're fired." I voice, swinging the door open and stepping into the air-conditioned hall, not once facing her or acknowledging her reaction. It's easier this way, for everyone really. She was becoming a liability as oppose to an asset for this company. Her work wasn't the best either.

I think one day, she'll thank me because I did her and everyone else a big favor.

Yeah, one day.

Hopefully not too far off from now.

Everything in my now twisted existence will be back to normal.

****

Hours later

It's been a crazy day for me. First, finding out Malcolm was shot, to blowing off Jeremy for Justin. I still can't believe I did that though. But well, maybe it was worth it. I mean, Justin's back right? That's a good thing. That's a really good thing. Why am I not excited? I'm so worried about my brother that I have this constant headache that won't go away. It just, it won't leave me. My entire body aches, and my stomach has be growling loudly since we left the hospital hours ago. But I have no appetite to eat. I have no appetite to do anything except laze around really.

Justin's initial intention was to take me home, but I can't be in my apartment. Not when I know Malcolm is in the hospital fighting for his life. I've tried calling Jeremy, but I can't reach him and my head just...hurts terribly. I can't sleep in that apartment without my brother. I won't survive it.

I mean, we made it home. But, let's just say I had a serious emotional breakdown that left Trace, Justin and Yolanda worried. So, out of the kindness of his heart, Trace offered for me to stay at his house until I was sure my brother would be ok. He even extended the invitation saying that I wouldn't have to go home until Malcolm was coming home the same day. He's such a great friend. Secretly, I was praying for Justin to protest. I was hoping he would want me to stay by him instead but I knew with him just being back and all that would have been a bad idea. So, I accepted Trace's invitation. Besides, he only lives a few minutes away from Justin in the same neighborhood so that's good.

I'm such a terrible person. I mean, I have a great guy. Jeremy is a great guy. I just, I don't understand why I'm chasing something that's unreachable. Justin is, different. After not seeing him for over a month, he seems different now. I know how I feel about him and I want to give us a chance but how can I if we're not healthy for each other? No, I can't. I can't ever give us that chance. Not until I put my past to rest. I need to find Christian and end all of this. I need to be restored to my true self. Not the shell that I live in because of him and all the other people who saw fit to ridicule me. I want to think that Justin is different from Chris. I want to. But their traits are so similar it's haunting.

And yet, here I am.

I'm so in love with my boss it's ridiculous. And I can't even tell him. I can't even voice my feelings. I need us to be friends first though. I need us to mend everything we've broken in the other person. It's going to be hard but with my new job and the fact that we'll be spending so much time together, it could be a big help.

"Hey Zar-bear are you hungry? We're going to order pizza." Trace voices, knocking on the guest bedroom door before he walks in.

We've been at Trace's for the past half hour or so. I packed up a bag from home and came here with him, Justin and Yolanda. I guess this is going to be my new home for who knows how long. I'm grateful though. I really am. I need them now since my only life line is fighting for his life. Oh god, please let my Malky be ok.

Turning around to give him a sad smile, I shrug. "I could eat." I voice, simply because I don't want him questioning me any further.

"Ok great. Pepperoni good?" He asks, getting ready to leave.

"Yeah." I smile weakly and Trace gives me a once over with a frown on his face. Oh no.

"You know, Yolanda is loving this. She said this would work perfect since your girls' night was canceled." Trace chuckles even though I know he does not like this very much.

"Well, you and Justin will entertain her."

"You're not coming down to join us?"

"Uh, yeah when the pizza gets here, but I'm just going to eat and turn in early. You don't mind do you Tracey-poo?" I pout.

"Of Course not girl. We'll just stay up and watch a movie or something before we head off to bed. Justin and Yolanda are going to sleep over so we can head down to the hospital with you first thing in the morning. Is that ok?" Trace asks before he walks over to me and gives me a tight hug.

"Perfect." I reply in a soft tone before I kiss his cheek lightly. "Thanks Trace." I coo before breaking our embrace.

"Anytime. Make yourself at home. I'll let you know when the pizza's here." He explains and I nod in response before he swiftly exits, shutting the door behind him.

Gazing at my surroundings, I can't help but smile to myself. This could be good. This could be just what I need. I just can't get Malcolm off my mind. I really pray that he's holding up. I can't lose another person I love. I won't survive it this time.

But, the change of environment is good. So, I'm just going to grab something to sleep in, change into it and maybe take a quick nap before the pizza gets here. I'd love to spend time with my friends right now, but keeping to myself is just as great an idea.

Too bad fate has other plans in mind for me tonight.

Listening intently, I can hear a faint knock on the closed door. I know it's not Trace. I highly doubt it's Yolanda, so that leaves one other person...

"Come in!" I reply, before I see the wooden barrier ease open and Justin pops his head in.

"Are you decent?" He asks politely and I giggle before I respond ‘yes.' His head soon disappears, before his full body slides through the crack and he shuts the door behind him.

Letting out a low whistle, he takes in his surroundings in awe. "This guest room is sweet. I've crashed over at Trace's numerous times and he never gives me a room like this. I'm starting to think he has a thing for you." Justin muses. I can see the glimmer of amusement in his eyes so I know it's nothing serious.

"Yeah, you have a great friend." I breathe out, before pulling out some grey cotton shorts and a white vest to sleep in.

"He's your friend too you know." Justin states while walking up behind me.

Snapping my head up, I hold my breath in anticipation because of how close he is. The last time we were this close was the night we made love and the morning after when I said those horrible things to him. Suddenly, I don't feel so comfortable anymore. But dear god, I can feel his body heat behind me...

Clearing my throat, I remain silent, not really knowing what to say or why he's even in here.

"Listen berry..."

Frowning by my nickname, I instantly turn around to face him.

"Why did you leave Justin?" I blurt out. Ok, I can't help it. It hurt when he left. It still does and I never got a chance to make things right.

"That's a dumb question." He retorts, folding his arms and looking away from me.

"I tried to apologize; I wanted to apologize for all the horrible things I said but you were gone! No where to be found." Wait, time out. This is not how I want things to go over.

Sighing, he finally looks at me with those amazing blues. Only, they're completely emotionless. "I had to leave ok? I didn't come in here to be drilled. I just came to see if you were ok. You seem fine so..."

"Wait don't leave Justin please." I plead, plopping down on the queen size bed with my head down. "Listen I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. And I, I could be better. But that's obvious. I mean, we just came from the hospital and all." My voice fades off.

Cautiously taking a seat next to me, Justin grabs one of my hands in his. Remaining quiet for a while, he finally decides to voice his thoughts to me. "Listen Zara, let's not focus on anything going on with us right now ok? I'll admit, it wasn't the best welcome home I've ever gotten but I'm glad I was here when all this happened. I'm still here for you. But we can't focus on our problems right now. Not until Malcolm gets better and he's out of the hospital ok? Once we know he's going to be fine, and then we can take some time off and actually have a well deserved chat. Because believe me when I say we really need to talk. Ask for your precious Jer...I mean Jeremy, there's something I really need to discuss with you. Something I, sort of, found out about him by accident." Drifting off when I yank my hand out of his grasp, Justin just looks away from me with a tired expression on his face. "I'd rather he told you himself but it doesn't look like he has any intentions to. Anyway, I fired Mallory tonight. It's something I should have done a long time ago. And, and..."

Locking eyes with me again, Justin inhales sharply and I know for a fact, he's having a really hard time controlling his feelings. His eyes seem glassy and the way he's bobbing his knees up and down, I'm pretty sure he's dying to bolt out of that room.

"And, despite everything that's happened, I just want you to know I'm still here for you and I still want you to accompany me on my vacation. Now you really have a reason to go since you're my assistant. I was even thinking of inviting Trace and Yolanda along as well. It would be good for all of us. And maybe when we get back, Yolanda and I would be on top of our game." His tone is uncertain, but his eyes confirm his decision.

Oh my god. What just happened? Is he for real? He, he still wants me to go? Ok so sure, it's different if he wants Trace and Yol to come too but, wow. I thought he forgot about that.

"I thought you took your time off when you left." I voice.

"Nah. My vacation time is still scheduled for some time after new years. So, are you in?" Justin is giving me this really boyish grin right now. How can I say no to that?

"Wow, I'm shocked. I just thought after all this..."

"That doesn't mean we can't still try to be friends berry." He smiles for me and I think I just felt a little piece of my heart break. He's, he's letting go. He's letting me go. He really is. I can, I can tell by the tone of his voice. He's so solemn and, and I don't want this. I really don't. I can't keep doing this. I need to make everything right again. I need to find Christian, dump Jeremy and hopefully when I'm done reinventing myself, it wouldn't be too late and Justin will still want me. Oh god I hope so.

"Oh, well in that case I'm in." I say dejectedly.

"Good. That's...good. I should leave now." Standing from his seating position, Justin begins to make his way to the door.

Watching his retreating form has never been this difficult before. My heart beat suddenly picks up and I can feel all the hairs on my body stand up. I, I can't let him go. Not again. Not this time. I want him to stay. I just, I need him to stay. My thoughts are screaming out for him to stay, but I'm just sitting there, mute.

I'm just watching the man I undoubtedly love walk out of my life...again. In an indirect way, I think he made his peace with me. I think he made his peace with me when he was gone. I'd really love to know where he's been all this time.

Shit what am I doing? Justin's right. I should worry about our problems after I know my brother will be ok.

But god, he's here. He's, he's back. My Ju is back and I'll be damned if I let him leave again without a fight.

"Justin wait."

Jumping off the bed, I sprint for the door, lunging at it and slamming it shut the moment he opens it. Stumbling back a bit, he's just staring at me a bit stunned by my sudden actions.

Breathing hard, I look up at his curious eyes. "Don't go." I choke out, coughing a bit.

"What? Berry, I'm just going back downstairs." Justin explains but I don't want to hear it.

"Stay with me please?" I beg, moving closer to him.

"What? No, no...no." He protests shaking his head and hands as he walks away from me.

"Please Justin. I need you." I'm groveling here. What more does he want from me? Walking up to him, I place my hand on his shoulders to turn him around. "Look at me Justin."

Bowing his head, he begins fiddling with his nails and...wait a minute. Hold on. He's, he's...holy shit...

Casting my vision downwards, a small smile slowly twitches into the corner of my mouth. "Justin you're...your hands, your nails. Look at what you're doing." I whisper in shock.

"Huh?" Snapping his head up in my direction, he's searching my eyes in bewilderment. Gazing down, he immediately begins to laugh before he shakes his hands and rubs them against his jeans nervously. "Oh shit. I guess you're finally rubbing off on me." He chuckles, still in disbelief that he subconsciously picked up my nail habit. Oh this is priceless.

Still smiling, I poke him lightly in his stomach to get his attention. "Don't go Ju. Keep me company?" I suggest. "Believe it or not, I've missed you and I'm really happy you're back."

"Yeah, that's pretty unbelievable." He cracks out causing me to hit his arm playfully.

"Hey! I'm trying."

"Try harder." He retorts shooting me a sly grin.

"I swear Justin you're so full of sh..." and my sentence is cut short as my eyes open wide with shock.

Yeah you guessed it.

He, he kissed me.

Actually, he's still kissing me. Oh my sweet jesus. What the hell is going on?

I, I think I just stopped breathing.

Yeah, definitely holding my breath right about now.

Oh god, this should not be happening. This is complicating an already complicated situation.

What the hell is he doing?

What the hell am I doing?

But, I've missed him. And, and I've missed his lips against mine. His soft, pink, juicy lips that are attacking mine in such feverish kisses. Oh please stop. Please, he needs to stop because I can't. My mind is fucked and, and I don't want this to end.

We're crazy to be...

"Oh god." I moan when I feel Justin snake his arms around my waist and pull me in against his chest. Finally closing my eyes, I ignore all my thoughts and just allow myself to feel - what he's doing to me, to my soul, to my body.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I push my weight against him, causing us to reverse until we fall unto the bed. We're still kissing deep, long and hard as our tongues battle with each other - limbs tangled, breathing heavily.

And we really need to stop! Why isn't Justin stopping? Oh god, this is wrong. This shouldn't be happening.

"We should stop." Justin whispers against my lips, still kissing me. He read my mind. Oh I couldn't have said it any better. Please stop. Heaven knows I don't have the strength to. What the hell possessed him to kiss me in the first place?

"I...I agree." I force out, allowing my hands to roam over his firm body. Damn I've missed this man.

"Ok." Justin mumbles, his hands moving up and down my back since I'm lying on top of him as we remain lip-locked.

"Stay with me..." I say, not really knowing why I just said that. Ok, sure I don't want to be alone and I'm vulnerable. But shit, Trace and Yolanda are there. We really can't do this right now...

Flipping us over so he's now hovering on top, Justin finally gains enough will power to break the kiss and end our little make out session. I think the signals finally went off in his brain about how wrong this is.

Opening my eyes, my hazels instantly connect to his blues and I can see the regret twinkling in them. Oh no. I knew this was a bad idea. He's just silent, blinking slowly and just...looking at me through the dim lighting. Licking at my swollen lips, I can still feel the tingling sensations from his beard when we were kissing.

"I'm sorry. I...I...I'm sorry." He chokes out, moving off me and jumping to his feet in record speed.

"What? No Justin..." Seating up to look at him, I watch in horror as he bolts for the door. "Justin..."

"No berry!" He suddenly yells, turning around to face me. "Don't you see? I, I can't be alone with you. I don't trust myself with you and we can't keep doing this."

"It wasn't your fault you..."

"Just shut up Zara! Damn it! Look I'm sorry ok? And I, I can't stay." He rambles out before he swings the door open and stumbles outside slamming it shut in the process.

Still just glaring at the now closed door, I can't shake the feeling that this might be it for us. I also can't shake the fact that before Justin walked out of that door, I could have sworn I saw tears rushing to the surface. This makes me realize that he's having a hell of a time concealing his feelings. He's really torn up.

But, I'm worse off right now.

And I feel horrible, because for a split second, Justin allowed me to forget about the pain I feel for my brother and his condition.

For that brief moment we kissed, he took it all away.

And, I should dislike him for that, but instead I want him to come back and take the pain away again.

I need my Malky. I need him so bad.

He has to survive this. He just has to. My life is on the line here as well.

But you know what?

What I need to do is suck this sappy shit up and begin fixing the mess I've created.

And the first order on the agenda is to find Christian.

And I know just the person who might most likely know how I can find him.

Rushing over to my hand bag, I begin emptying its contents in search of a little piece of paper I usually keep tucked away in one of the zipped pockets. Frantically shuffling through endless papers and other items, I finally come across what I've been looking for. Darting my eyes over the familiar numbers, I take in a deep breath.

"I can do this."

I have to. It's the only way to begin mending the broken pieces and hopefully finding a way to Justin's heart and gaining his forgiveness. Grabbing my cell phone, I flip it open and pause briefly to gain some needed courage to do what I'm about to do...

Still staring at the phone, I hold my breath...

"I...I...I can't." I exhale, dropping the piece of paper and cell on the bed.

"But I have to...but..."

"Zar-bear! Pizza's here!" I hear Trace call out to me from somewhere downstairs.

Talk about saved by the pizza.

Looking at my discarded phone and then the door, I opt for door instead. "I'll do it." I voice my thoughts, backing towards the bedroom door. "Right after I eat." I squeal out before I pull the door open, desperately needing to vacate the room in fear that the paper might come alive or burst into flames or something.

I know what you're thinking - I'm so pathetic.

But well this is the one time in my life I'm saying, it's better to procrastinate.

****

Quote by: Jessica

Next day...

October... Saturday Morning

Orlando, Florida

"I Won't Tell Your Secrets"

"What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does."

Waking up to the smell of coffee is something I've missed dearly. I remember waking to the smell of coffee almost every morning when Malcolm would be up hours ahead of me to get ready for his shift at work. Someone is definitely up in the kitchen making breakfast. I miss those times at home with my brother and I miss him. But today is the day I get to see my Malky so I'm more than excited about that. Rolling to my side, I push the blue covers off my body and jump off the bed as I gaze at the time. It's after 10 on a Saturday morning. I guess Trace allowed me to sleep in. I wish he would have waked me up though. I can't wait to get down to the hospital.

Digging around in my bag for some fresh clothes, I quickly disrobe myself remaining in just my red bra and underwear. Pulling out a pair of jeans and a red top, I grab a towel and some of my strawberry scented liquid soap out of the bag. A few items tumble out in the process and as I begin stuffing them back in, something catches my eye. Pulling the object out and lifting it to my line of sight, I begin to smile at the memory. It's the key ring Justin gave me with the picture of us kissing embedded in it. I always carry it everywhere with me. The only reason I don't have my keys on it is because of Jer. I know if he saw it he just wouldn't shut up and I don't want to deal with that.

Passing my thumb over the picture, I sigh and tuck it back securely in my bag then quickly head for the shower, determined to be ready to leave in an hour flat.

Malcolm needs his sister. I need to be there if he wakes up so time is of the essence.

Forty minutes later, I'm fully dressed and heading downstairs to the kitchen where I can smell eggs and sausages as well as the sweet aroma of coffee. My tummy is just aching at all the fabulous scents filling my nose right now. Pulling my jeans higher on my waist, I tighten my belt with a frown on my face. Just a few weeks ago that pair of jeans were fitting like a second skin and now the waist is loose and falling off my hips. Should I be worried? I mean it's not like I'm starving myself. I eat, yet I feel like I'm just shedding pounds overnight.

Shrugging off my thoughts, I sprint down the stairs and round the corner into the massive kitchen to be greeted by Yolanda. She's dressed in a jeans skirt, sandals and a white tube top, standing in front of the electric stove with a fork in her hand, poking at some sausage links.

"Morning Yol." I voice to grasp her attention and it works. Turning to look at me, her face lights up in a smile and she rushes over to give me a quick hug, before she returns to her task at hand.

"Hey girl. How are you feeling?" She inquires, turning off the stove and dropping the links into a plate.

"Much better knowing that I'm going to see Malcolm today." I beam, going over to help her with the plates and forks from the cabinet.

"That's good. Are you hungry? I made breakfast as you can see. And you need to eat something because we might be in the hospital for hours." She explains and I nod in agreement.

"Definitely, but first I need me some of that coffee you brewed." I reply, licking my lips - craving the substance. Ok, so I'm little bit of an addict. I blame Malcolm for that one.

"Help yourself. Cups are in the top right cabinet. I'm just going to lay out some plates for the guys." Yolanda moves away from me and begins sharing the food as I go in search of a coffee mug.

"Speaking of the guys, where are they?" I inquire when I realize just how quiet the house seems to be.

"Well, Trace was up super early today. He brought me home to get a change of clothes and then he brought Justin home because Justin hasn't been home since he got back. They should be here soon for us to leave. Don't worry." She assures me as she places two plates filled with eggs, hash browns and links on the side for them. "Fix you a plate?" She offers and I nod as I pour out my coffee still in thought.

Justin was really distant with me last night when I went down for dinner. In fact, I sort of grabbed my slices of pizza, grabbed a drink and mumbled a goodnight before I bolted back up to my room. I didn't want to stay around them. Not with the way I was feeling. The whole thing was awkward but Trace and Yolanda seemed fine with it. I spent the rest of the night lying on my bed just thinking about everything that's been going on in my life before I finally succumbed to sleep. It was really depressing yet oddly comforting.

Taking a sip of the hot liquid, I sigh with content when I feel it slide down the back of my throat. Following Yolanda to the dinning table at her request, I pull out a chair and take a seat before she places a plate in front of me. As we're about to dig in, we hear the front door swing open followed by voices and loud trampling. Bending my head to the side, I feel a heavy weight on my thigh realizing that we have a few guests in our midst.

"Oh my god, hey Buckley! Hey boy." I coo when I notice the excited boxer propped up on my lap, barking and panting at me while wagging his tail. Petting him and making baby noises for him, I watch as Brennan comes strutting in followed by Trace and Justin. "Oh I haven't seen you guys in forever." I beam, nudging Brennan as Buckley hops off my lap when Justin calls out to him. They're so obedient.

Playing with them a little, Justin ushers them out to the backyard and shuts the door before he comes back in to take a seat at the table with us. Trace wasted no time in grabbing a plate and digging into his scrambled eggs. "Thanks for making breakfast Yolanda." Trace voices and Yolanda shrugs before giggling.

Rolling my eyes playfully at them, I notice Justin is just seating there watching all of us silently.

"Aren't you eating Justin?" Yolanda asks with a mouthful of food. Taking another large gulp of my coffee, I place down my cup to eye him carefully. He seems a little off balance today. Then again, with the way he dashed out of my room last night I don't blame him.

"I'm not hungry." Justin states, standing to his feet and exiting the kitchen immediately after. Well that was weird.

"What the hell is his problem?" Yolanda asks and Trace and I just exchange glares. With the look Trace is giving me, it's safe to say Justin told him about what happened last night. Just great. I'm not in any mood for a lecture.

"He just needs some time. He'll be fine. Let's just eat up so we can head down to the hospital." Trace replies, dismissing the situation.

Bowing my head in thought, I pick up my fork and begin digging at my eggs suddenly not having any appetite to eat. But, Yolanda took her time to prepare this, so I'm going to force some of it down before we get ready to leave for the day.

I really hope that by the time this day is over, Justin will be somewhat back to his old self and not so distant and distraught all the time.

That's not asking for too much is it?

I really just want my Ju back.

****

I can't look at her.

I can't stand being around her.

It's like every sane thread in my body it being pulled at when she's near me.

I don't even feel like myself anymore.

That's pretty screwed up if you asked me.

I can't even believe I told Trace I kissed her. But he's my best friend only, I think he's a little too attached to berry now.

He fucking lectured me on how this is a critical time for her and I shouldn't confuse her with mixed feelings. Like I don't know that shit.

He refuses to tell me what's been going on when I was gone. He refuses to shed any light on my situation to help me.

Some friend huh?

I'm thinking about banning him along with a few other people.

But I can't, because I still need him, but I'm going to get it out of him.

He's going to tell me what's up with berry. He's going to divulge what ever secret they're keeping from me. I know he is, else he's fired as my assistant and best friend even.

I'm just really pissed off right now.

We've been seating here for hours waiting on the doctor whose name I just can't remember. I swear it's like my brain isn't functioning right or something. Zara is next to Trace and they're whispering back and forth between themselves talking about god knows what. Cutting my eyes at them, I scowl a bit, pushing back in my seat before Yolanda pulls my attention to her.

"Justin, what are we going to do about our albums and tour? I've been rescheduling meetings, performances and a whole bunch of stuff because my schedule was so messed up. Zara's a doll but I'm really getting requests and we need to really work on fulfilling them and my career." Yolanda states, tapping my shoulder when I look away - fixating my vision on Zara and Trace again. She really does kind of look sick. I'm just praying Malcolm is ok so I can talk to her about what the doctor mentioned concerning her depression among other things. I can wait to have our talk though. I think, I think berry looks different too. I'm so used to seeing her all full and voluptuous. I mean, she's still that way only, smaller. Surprisingly, I don't like it. She's definitely losing too much weight in my eyes.

"Justin did you hear me?" Yolanda snaps, now hitting my shoulder and pulling on my black shirt.

"What? Oh right. Listen, we'll settle everything when I come into work on Monday. Just be at my office and we'll work everything out Yolanda. We're heading into the studio earlier than expected - right after thanksgiving." I inform, gazing at her confused face for a brief moment.

"Ok, but..."

"I've already called Johnny and settled. We'll break over Christmas of course but the first few weeks we need to lay some serious vocals down. No lazing around. Understood? Also, I got Esmee to come in and work on a track with you, so you'll get to meet her just after new years." I voice, watching as the doors to the office we've been seating in swing open and Malcolm's doctor graces us with her presence.

"Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" Yolanda asks me excitedly.

"On my way back to civilization..." I mutter, telling Yolanda to be quiet when the doctor finally takes a seat at her desk.

The entire room quiets down as we all hold our breath in anticipation. Squinting, I finally read the doctor's name tag on her blue overalls. "Dr. Lake?" I frown immediately, nearly bursting into a fit of laughter. Are you kidding me? She has half of my last name and I couldn't remember it? I guess I was really out of it then.

"Good day to you too Justin." She smiles warmly and I give her a sheepish grin.

"How's Malcolm?" Zara eagerly asks standing and grabbing a chair to take a seat next to me. I seriously can't hide the huge grin on my face right now that Zara's next to me. Ha, too bad Trace. Too bad buddy. Yeah I'm a loser.

Smiling to myself, Zara and I lock eyes briefly before she diverts her attention back to the doctor.

"Thankfully he's stable and on his way to recovery. The operation went well and he's responding positively to the blood transfusion. Of course, we'll be keeping an eye on him until he's fully healed. But, the good news is he's awake and asking for his Zary." Dr. Lake beams, releasing a sigh. Watching her movements, I furrow my brows in thought. She's not telling us something. I can see it in her eyes and I want to know what that something is.

"Oh my god! That's so great. Thank you so much. Thank you for saving his life." Zara squeals, jumping to her feet and leaning across the desk to embrace Dr. Lake.

"It's my job, but you helped to save him too by donating your blood, so it was a group effort." The doc smiles.

"Oh my god, can I see him?" Zara asks excitedly.

"Sure there's a nurse waiting outside to take you to his room and..."

"Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me..." Zara screams out excitedly before she disappears out the door. Well that was rude, but Dr. Lake doesn't seem to mind.

"I'll go with her." Yolanda states, smiling for us before she exits the office as well in search of Jahzara.

"Yeah, me too." Trace states following suit, leaving me alone with good ole Dr. Lake.

And suddenly, I feel nervous. Why do I feel nervous? "Ok Doc, what didn't you tell her?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest and leaning back in my chair.

"That obvious huh?" She sighs, fiddling with some papers on her desk and her assortment of pens.

Keeping my eyes locked on her movements, I nod slowly. "Only to me." I voice.

"Listen, don't tell Jahzara, she's really unstable, but we almost lost Malcolm last night. He flat lined twice and the second time, we almost didn't bring him back. The good news is he's stable and should be fine. I didn't want to call once he was ok. I didn't want to worry her with her condition."

Ok, Lake is really starting to piss me off. "It's her brother and you feel she doesn't need to know?" I snap, leaning forward and narrowing my eyes at her with a frown on my face. Is she for real right now?

"I spoke to you about Zara's condition..."

"Just shut up. I don't want to hear any of that. She's fine. You're acting like she has some terminal illness or..."

"It is an illness Justin. And if she doesn't monitor it or take care of herself she can end up very sick and in the hospital. You don't want that do you?" Doc is looking at me with so much fucking worry in her eyes it's seriously starting to scar me. Since when is depression so serious?

"Fine whatever. I just think Zara should have known, but if Malcolm is going to be fine..." I relent.

"He'll be fine."

"Well then, I'm going to look for my friends now because they need me." I stand on my feet to leave, making my way to the door. I don't want to hear anything else she has to say. It's a little overwhelming.

"You love her don't you?" Dr Lake inquires, stopping me in my tracks.

Turning to face her I give a sad smile. "More than she knows." I whisper, before Lake nods her head in understanding, allowing me to exit her office in silence.

Making my way down the hall towards Malcolm's room, I spot his partner Drew coming up the hall from the cafeteria area.

"Hey Drew!" I call out and he waves to me before he makes his way over, giving me a handshake and pat on the back.

"What's up Justin? I take it Zara is in there?" He asks, pointing to Malcolm's hospital room door.

"I guess." I shrug, about to enter but Drew stops me.

"Listen I don't know if you're aware that we almost lost Malcolm last night..."

"I'm aware." I cut him off harshly. "It's just fucked up that you all are keeping this from Zara."

"Just don't tell her. Malcolm is fine now and he doesn't want her to know..."

"Fine whatever." I scoff, turning the knob and easing the door open.

"Listen, I need to head home and catch some sleep and eat. I've been here all night. Let Malcolm know I'll be back later before visiting hours are over." Drew says with a weary yawn.

"Yeah, sure man." I nod for him before he tells me bye, disappearing down the hall and out of sight.

Sighing, I suck in a breath hearing Zara and Trace talking to Malcolm. Well I guess Trace is his friend too now. Shit, I've really missed a lot the past month I've been gone.

Walking into the room, I close the door behind me causing everyone to divert their gaze in my direction.

"What's your boss doing here Zary?" Malcolm states groggily, cutting his eyes at me clearly not pleased with my presence. Am I missing something? I always seem to be out of the loop.

"Justin just came by to give you his well wishes. He's been really great with me through all of this." Zara quickly explains, rushing up to me and grabbing my hand in hers. Looking down at the hold she has on me, I lift my head to stare at her with a questionable glare.

"Good to see you're doing better Malcolm and Drew said he'll be back later." I say, pulling out of Zara's grasp and walking up to everyone, taking a seat next to Trace.

"Yeah well, I'm alive." Malcolm explains yawning lightly. "In some serious pain, but alive." He muses, causing Zara to smile and touch his arm lightly.

It's really good to see her genuinely smile. She seems so happy now. I just wish I could be a factor in her happiness. We're so fucked up.

"Yeah, Malcolm was just saying that he needed to get some rest, so maybe we'll be back later or first thing tomorrow" Zara explains, leaning forward to hug her brother gently before she pulls away and stands from her seating position. "So we can leave now, so he can get some rest." She explains, pulling Trace up from his seat as well.

"Oh..." I drift off, glaring at Yolanda who seems to just be staring at Malcolm in a bit of a daze. What the hell is her problem?

"Yeah, so let's head out. I love you Malky. We'll be back soon, get plenty of rest ok?" Zara coos, leaning down to kiss his partly bruised cheek.

"You got it Zary and behave yourself and tell Jeremy I said what's up." Malcolm coughs slightly.

Mumbling under my breath, I groan at the mention of Jeremy. I seriously need to find him and beat his ass. I can't believe I gave him over a month to come clean with berry and he still hasn't told her anything - considering they're still together. I swear he's such an asshole. I guess I'll have to tell her myself.

"It was good seeing you Malcolm." I state and he just nods, shrugging me off before he gives Trace a light handshake, saying his goodbyes.

Rolling my eyes, I walk over to Yolanda, pulling her with me. I swear it's like the girl is under some trance. "Yolanda?" I whisper, snapping her out of her day dreaming. Oh no, please tell me berry isn't rubbing off on her. That's like me picking up her nail habit last night. I swear it was by accident. It won't happen again, not if I can help it.

"What Justin?" She mutters, trying to wriggle out of my hold.

"What's wrong with you girl? Let's go." I enforce, dragging her to the exit with me and out the room as she screams out a goodbye.

Now in the hallway, I take a seat, waiting for Trace and Jahzara to come out as Yolanda starts pacing in front of me.

"Ok, what's up with you Yolanda?" I snap, fully annoyed with her anxious movements.

"Is it wrong that even though Zara's brother is lying in a hospital bed fighting to get better, I just can't stop thinking about how gorgeous he is and even sexy in his hospital gown?"

Crinkling my nose, my eyes widen as she's just looking at me with a shy smile on her face. Is she serious? She is isn't she? Oh my good god...

"Holy fucking shit Yolanda." I belt, shutting my mouth when Trace and Zara walk out of the room and towards us.

Stifling my chuckles, Yolanda just shrugs, walking ahead of us as I stand to follow.

"What's up Ju?" Zara whispers coming up next to me as we make our way out of the hospital and towards the parking lot.

It's good to not have to take Mike and Lonnie everywhere with us. Plus Trace and I have our sunglasses and caps on so that helps.

"Ju?" Zara nudges me as we finally reach to Trace's Escalade.

"What? Oh nothing." I snicker causing Trace to turn around and stare at me.

"Are you two laughing at me?" Trace asks, his eyes glowing with mischief.

"Na dawg." I protest, laughing out when Yolanda sticks out her tongue at me before hoping into the ride. Oh, Zara is going to love hearing this one. I'll let Yolanda tell her though.

As all of us pile into Trace's jeep, my cell goes off. Glancing at the caller Id, I growl angrily before I switch it off.

"Who was that?" Zara inquires nosily, stretching over me to get a peak at the screen.

"No one." I lie, moving the phone away, but enjoying the weight of her body pressed against mine. Giving her a bashful smile, she smirks and seats up, pushing back in her seat. "It was Mallory." I explain and Zara mouths an ‘oh' looking ahead as we pull up in the backseat of the car. "You're cute when you try to stay mad at me." I whisper to her, causing her head to snap in my direction.

"I'm not mad at you Ju. I've just missed you is all." She states flatly. "Hey can I borrow your phone to make a long distance call? I forgot mine and I really need to make this call." She explains, pulling out some piece of paper from her side bag with some numbers scribbled on it. "I mean if it's ok. I'll pay for the charges." She quickly adds when I just keep staring at her blankly.

"Uh..." Looking down at my phone I hand the item to her completely intrigued with whatever it is she's about to do.

"Thanks Ju. I might need you all here for this one." Zara says through a shaky breath, looking down at the paper before she starts dialing the written numbers on the key pad extremely slow.

"You know I'm always here for you." I say softly, furrowing my brows when she grabs my hand tightly, hitting the call button and placing the phone to her ears.

Ok then...wierd.

Glancing at Trace through the rear view mirror, he's giving me a ‘what the hell' look and all I can do is shrug because I have no idea what's going on.

"Are you guys up for hanging out at the house, maybe head in the pool and have a movie night later? After we visit Malcolm again?" Yolanda asks, breaking the silence in the ride as Trace picks up speed switching lanes and heading for home.

"Fine by me." I respond and Trace nods in agreement.

Glancing over to Zara, I watch as her breath hitches in her throat and she applies pressure to our hold, squeezing the life out of my hand, causing me to wince in pain.

jesus christ if this is what it feels like when she's going to give birth then I'm staying far away from her.

Wait hold up, that...that didn't come out right...

"Hello?" Zara chokes out, pulling me out of my conflicted thoughts as I notice all the color in her face drain and her body tenses up.

"No, this is Jahzara." Pausing, she seems to be concentrating on what the person on the other end of the line is saying to her.

Exhaling, I watch in curiosity as berry breathes a sigh of relief, letting go of my now numb hand as her body significantly relaxes.

Giving a half-smile, she presses the phone to her ear as she locks eyes with me...

"Has it really been that long? Oh...well, it's nice to hear your voice too aunt Patrice."

And I know for a fact that Trace's ass is mine tonight.

If he thinks I didn't see the look on his face when he realized who Zara was talking to, he has another thing coming.

He better be afraid. He better be very afraid.

"Watch your back Ayala." I warn out loud, tuning out Zara's conversation with her long lost aunt as my own thoughts engulf my conscious state.

Resting back in my seat, I finally shut my eyes with satisfaction, chuckling lightly when Trace begins to cough loudly from astonishment due to my threat.

****

Quote by: Unknown

Next day

October - Early Sunday Afternoon

Trace's Residence

Turning Point - Part 1

"There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love."

Walking out to the pool area where Trace and berry have been ‘hanging out' for the past few hours, I can feel my stomach churn with how pleasant and happy they seem to be. They're just laughing, talking and splashing around in the pool, oblivious to my presence. They've been like this since yesterday afternoon.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm so jealous right now I'm seeing green. I miss being like that with Zara. I miss her just being comfortable around me, just hanging out and having fun. I hate that Trace has that with her. It's like he's taken my place or something. Maybe I shouldn't have left; but if I didn't, I might be in a nut house right now. I did what was best. I know I did. My mom agrees with me even if she doesn't know everything that's been going on.

Speaking of, I can't wait to head home to Tennessee for thanksgiving. Maybe I could take berry with me. Maybe I could give her some job as my assistant so she'll have to go. I know it's sneaky but I'd do anything to get her away from Jeremy at this point.

I'm glad she's staying over at Trace's until Malcolm is out of the hospital. The change of surrounding is good for her.

But shit, that should be me out there in the pool with her and not Trace.

Since we visited Malcolm yesterday and this morning in the hospital, Zara's been all high spirited, so who am I to complain really? Her brother is getting better and it beats the withdrawal moods she was having.

I haven't forgotten about our talk. I'm planning on having that with her later today and getting everything out on the table and cleared up, now that we know Malcolm will be fine. This is going to be challenging though.

Clutching my towel around my neck, I flinch at the bright sunlight blinding my sight as I move to head for a lounge chair - stopping when I hear Yolanda calling out to me.

Turning around, I notice she's waving at me frantically from the kitchen area.

Giving the happy couple one last glance, I turn on my heel and amble towards Yolanda, a little annoyed that she interrupted my thoughts.

"What is it Yolanda?" I ask grudgingly.

"Jeremy's on the phone." She states while pointing to the telephone in the kitchen where the receiver is resting on the counter.

"Why are you telling me that for? Tell berry." I snap, ready to scratch the pool idea and just head back to my place.

"I told him she wasn't available. He insists on talking to her. I don't know what's up with them but, she's really been happy since yesterday and I don't want to spoil that so, get rid of him will you? Thanks Justin, love you." Yolanda rambles out, kissing me on the cheek and sprinting out towards the pool to join Zara and Trace, leaving me completely stupefied.

Well shit, maybe this could be a good thing. Then again, I smell the potential for definite and sudden chaos brewing. Too bad I don't care.

I've been meaning to find out which new artist Jeremy is working with as their personal trainer, to warn them about how fucked up he is. Thank god I got him away from Yolanda. I'll have to find out from berry when we have our little talk.

Growling under my breath, I stomp into the kitchen picking up the phone and placing it to my ears while dropping my towel on a chair. I can hear Jeremy speaking to some people in the background before I clear my throat loudly and all noises cease.

"Hello? Who's this?" He asks, his voice low and groggy. I've always thought it was annoying.

I'm tempted to say ‘your worst nightmare' but I refrain.

"Not who you wanted to speak to that's for sure." I reply smartly. I can just picture the stunned expression on his face right now. Yeah, it's a sick pleasure I'm getting from pissing him off.

"Justin? What the fuck are you doing over there?"

"It's my best friend's house Jeremy. I can be here if I want. Not that it's any of your business." I say patronizingly with a smirk.

"Listen where is Zara? Let her know I'll be by to pick her up later." He demands, causing me to chortle a bit.

"That won't be necessary Jeremy. Trace is taking good care of her." I retort, bringing my hand up to the bridge of my nose. He's really beginning to piss me off.

"Bullshit Timberlake. She deserves to be with her boyfriend, someone who's concerned and will take proper care of her." He snaps, and I lean back on the island, looking out through the glass doors at Zara, Trace and now Yolanda in some water fight.

Smiling to myself, I opt to voice my thoughts. "You're acting like we don't care about her. I mean, someone who really cares for her well being wouldn't put a fucking bruise on her face the size of a baseball, or better yet, that someone wouldn't belittle her and make her feel like she's stupid or lacking intelligence." I blast, my temper slowly rising.

All I'm hearing right now is silence - complete an utter silence for a good few seconds.

Then he laughs maniacally and I'm still there, just listening, completely unaffected.

"Watch yourself Timberlake. You're crossing a dangerous path. You have no idea who you're dealing with." Jeremy threatens. That little shit.

"Give me a fucking break Jeremy. I think Zara is the one who has no idea who she's dealing with, not me. I'm thinking about telling her." I chide, grinning when I hear his breathing pick up.

"I swear Justin if you..."

"If I what asshole? You're seriously fucked up you know that?" I chuckle lightly.

"And you're bitter and jealous because you're in love with Zara yet she's with me. Just stay the fuck away from her. I mean it. Don't fucking test me Justin." Jeremy snarls at me and I just roll my eyes even though he can't see me.

He's in denial. He's just, he's fooling himself. Oh he'll be dumped soon. That I am sure of.

"I think you're the one who's bitter because of the relationship berry and I have." Yeah I said her nickname to burn him just a little more. Can you blame me really? "You need to give Zara some space. Just let her have this time with her brother you selfish bastard. And don't even think about showing up here else I'll set Buckley and Brennan on your ass. They don't take nicely to strangers. I've trained them well..." I beam proudly, drifting off when I see Zara coming over.

Ok, time to end this little feud.

"What!? Listen you..."

Not caring that I'm being cursed out right now by ‘gym boy', I quickly hang up the phone just as Zara makes her way into the kitchen. Pulling my hands away from the device, I back up a bit, rubbing at the back of my neck nervously. I know for a fact, if and when she finds out who was on the phone, she's going to seriously dislike me. How did Jeremy even know where Zara was and Trace's telephone number? I know for a fact it's unlisted. He better not be spying on berry. I'll seriously pound him into the ground if he's doing anything remotely close to that.

"What's up Ju?" Zara smiles, passing her towel over her damp curls as she looks directly at me for a reply. Giving her a half-smile, I watch as beads of water drip down her partially naked body clad in a red two piece swim suit. Her navel ring is out and exposed for my eyes to see and I can't help but lick my lips. I swear that's so fucking hot. I can't say that enough. And I'm just standing there, speechless. Damn she's beautiful and she doesn't even fucking know it. That's the funny part. She has no idea how she just oozes sex. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's me knowing how amazing sex can be with her. I seriously need to get my mind out of the gutter. She's giving me this cute curious look and...

"You're so sexy." I blurt out randomly, walking up to her and snaking my arms around her slimming waist. It kind of feels weird holding her now. I'm use to holding a little more meat. Not that this is bad, I just need to know what's going on with her.

"Don't." Zara breathes out, looking into my eyes, her hazels glossing over.

"Ber..."

"Don't Justin." She tries to snake out of my hold but I grip her tighter, digging my fingers into her skin and pressing her up on the island.

I'm so sorry, but I swear, I need to just hold her right now. "Just let me hold you berry." I whisper, leaning down until our noses touch. Her voice lodges in her throat and her breathing picks up as she remains quiet. I think she's trying to figure out if I'm going to kiss her or not. She looks completely terrified and confused as hell by my actions. Leaning my head to the side, I inhale her familiar scent mixed with the chlorine from the pool. Shutting my eyes, I chose to whisper in her ears. "I'm so sorry." I breathe out, feeling her tense under my hold.

"Ju..."

"No, listen. I'm sorry about this mess we're in. Just everything and for ever hurting you. I swear berry I just want you to allow me to make it up to you. I'm sorry for just disappearing like I did but I had to. It's like I was losing my mind. I don't want us to be like strangers. I want this to work out. I really do." I say softly, kissing her earlobe and hearing her sigh.

Hesitantly, she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer and grazing the base of the back of my head with her fingers. God I love when she does that. Shivering under her touch, she brings her lips to my ears to whisper back to me. I'm really wondering if anyone is seeing this embrace right now. I really don't give a shit. It's just about the two of us...

"I know Ju. And it's ok. We'll be ok. Thank you for being here when I needed you." She coos.

"You don't have to thank me girl. You know I'm always there for you." I let out a deep groan, ready to pull away. "I love you..." I exhale, forcefully pulling away to stare into her eyes. She's just looking at me, not really knowing what to say with a blank expression on her face. "Don't, don't say anything ok? You don't have to say anything. Just, I just need you to know I'm serious about this..." Trailing off, I turn my head towards the glass doors to the side of the kitchen where Trace, Yolanda, Buckley and Brennan just entered.

Creating some space between us, I pass my hands over my face before I drop to my knees to pet my dogs. "Hey guys, you all hungry?" I ask, roughing up Buckley a bit and chortling when he starts panting and barking playfully. "What about you Bren? You Hungry babe?" I coo, standing when Yolanda pats my shoulder.

"I'll feed them. Weren't you heading into the pool?" Yolanda inquires, tugging at her black bikini, darting her eyes in Zara's direction who's still just leaning against the island with her hands folded across her chest, staring off into space. Her lost look is just priceless. It never gets old.

"Uh..." Scratching my chin, I think for a brief moment. "Na. I have a better idea." I suggest. "Let's all head out and chill."

"Where?" Trace interjects, pulling out a can of soda from the refrigerator and handing one to berry before he takes one for himself.

Ok, I'm almost certain now, they didn't see berry and me ‘hugging' a while ago. If you want to call it that.

"There's this park I use to go to. I haven't been in a while. I could take you all. We can get away from the confinements of walls. We could buy some food and just hang out. I'll call Mike and Lonnie." I state with a large smile.

"Cool. I'm game." Trace says, taking a sip of his Pepsi. "I'm going to take a shower and wash the pool water off then." He quickly adds sprinting out of the kitchen.

Turning to Yolanda, I watch as she digs around for the dogs' food preparing a meal for my babies, her blonde hair up in one and dripping on the counter. "You in Yolanda?"

"Uh huh, give me a little while though." She mutters, her back facing me.

"Great!" I rub my hands together, diverting my attention to berry who's sipping on her soda quietly. "What about you?" I lower my voice, smiling lightly.

"That sounds like fun." Zara smiles for me, finally pushing her body off the island and ambling in my direction. "I'm going to get ready." She says, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on my cheek before she disappears out of the kitchen, leaving me and Yolanda alone.

"You all would make the cutest couple." Yolanda suddenly voices, now staring right at me.

"What?" I ask a little lost, realizing Buck and Bren are munching down on their meals now. "Oh um yeah." I shrug with a sheepish smile.

"I know there's something going on with you two. You don't need to tell me what, just work it out huh?" Yolanda smiles, walking up and giving me a light hug. "You both deserve to be happy." She explains, pulling away from our embrace to stare into my eyes, her bright greens piercing my blues. And it dawns on me. She knows. She's fully aware about how I feel towards Zara. So why hasn't she said anything until now? I swear that girl can be so mysterious sometimes. Frowning a bit, I don't say anything. I'm a little surprised with how Yolanda is just voicing her thoughts to me so comfortably. "I won't tell Zara about Jeremy if you won't." She winks at me, backing away and walking out of the kitchen, leaving me shocked and in awe from how sneaky she's being.

Well that was odd.

Remind me to get her a lavish gift for her birthday. She's defiantly on my favorites list. Chuckling to myself, I shake my head in amusement, giving my dogs a quick pet on the head before I jog up the stairs to get ready for our little outing.

**

Finally up in my guestroom, I'm really wondering why the hell I'm even here. My home is just a few minutes away. I don't really have to be here anymore. Zara is fine and I just need to be home for a bit. Maybe I'll stay home after work tomorrow. Yeah, that could work...

"You better run, you better do what you can. Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man. You wanna be tough, better do what you can. So beat it, but you wanna be bad. Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Showin' how funky and strong is your fight. It doesn't matter who's wrong or right. Just beat it, beat it..." Singing to myself, I strut around, gathering some fresh clothes to change into.

Ambling into my bathroom, I toss my towel on the closed toilet seat then walk over to the mirror to get a good look at my reflection. Scratching under my chin, I groan. I look like a damn wilderness man. I seriously need to shave. Maybe, maybe I can do it now and surprise berry. Yeah, that could work. Grabbing some shaving gel and the blade Quatro I love to use, I get to work on taming that jungle growing on my face...

In twenty minutes flat I'm completely cleaned up feeling the smoothness of my face. Turning my head to the side to examine my work, I smile triumphantly moving over to the shower to turn the temperature on warm. Getting in with my navy blue swimming trunks, I stand under the lukewarm water shutting my eyes and allowing it to fall on my back as my thoughts take over again.

Ok, so honestly, I know I had every intension of not pursuing berry and I'm really thinking of sticking to that but, but it's going to be hard. I'm really just worried about the album I need to head into the studio to work on. I've been so comfortable with just being the business man and CEO of my company that sometimes I feel like the performer side of me is a little rusty. I'm sure I can overcome that. All I need is my piano and a stage. Yeah, you never forget how to entertain...

Inhaling sharply, my thoughts are interrupted as my eyes shoot open when I feel a pair of warm arms wrap around my waist, causing my heartbeat to significantly speed up.

What the fuck?

"What the..." Spinning around, I wipe some water out of my eyes zooming in on whoever is in the damn shower with me.

Gasping slightly, I suck in air when I realize I was holding my breath. "Oh my fucking god." I grab my chest, heaving and leaning forward, feeling like my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

Regaining my normal breathing, I lift my head to stare into a pair of familiar hazels, my blues shining inquisitively. "Jahzara?" I choke out, cocking my head to the side. "What the fuck are you doing?" I hiss, still a little jumpy. "You scared the shit out of me...." I drift off. "Oh.my.fucking.god..." I whisper this time, swallowing hard...

Why the hell is she just standing there looking at me all sexy and shit?

Wait, Zara's in the shower with me. Something about this picture is off.

Did I step into an alternate reality?

"Zara why are you..." And just like that, my words are cut short when she lunges into my arms, pressing our lips together. Backing up into the wall, I grip her waist tightly, trying to push her off but instead, she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down. Dear god, she's lost her damn mind, but, but jesus her lips are so fucking soft....no, no wait. Wait. Stop!

"Berr...." I'm silenced again when she shoves her tongue into my mouth and down my throat.

No! Hold on! This is all too fast for even me. Fuck, what's going on?

"Stop...Zara...Zara stop!" I belt, pushing her off me, watching as she stumbles back.

She's still in her red bikini thank god. If she was naked, I'm not sure I could muster up any rational thoughts to even think about stopping her attacks.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Have you lost your damn mind?" I inquire, breathing heavily.

"I...I...I was...I mean..." Bowing her head, she begins fiddling with her nails. Oh no not this shit again.

"Berry what are you doing in here? What if I was nude or something?" I ask, moving from under the shower and wrapping my arms across my chest.

"It's not like I haven't seen you naked before Justin." She smirks, her eyes clouded over with lust.

Frowning, I raise one eyebrow as I study her form closely. "What's wrong with you?" I ask incredulously. "This isn't like you."

Wait, why the fuck am I complaining? This isn't me at all. She's doing something I never thought she'd do in my wildest dreams. She's, she's giving herself to me and I'm rejecting her. Way to go Timberlake. Maybe I wouldn't object if I thought it was natural but it's just...not.

"I, god I'm sorry Justin. I've just been thinking about everything, everything you said and, and. You were right you know? And, and I was thinking and I was wondering why can't we just say fuck it? Just say fuck it all and just go for it. I'm so tired of these games. I'm so tired of just everything. I've missed you so much. I'm so fucking sorry for everything we've been through, everything I said. I guess when you told me how you felt downstairs it just set off all these thoughts and emotions in me. I tried to suppress them, but before I could even stop myself I was in here, wondering what the fuck I was doing but I couldn't stop Ju. I couldn't stop myself. I went from getting in the shower myself to ending up in here with you. I had to see you, to feel you to just...at least kiss you. I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry..." She confesses, trailing off, her eyes glazed with tears.

Wow...

Still eyeing her, I drop my defenses and move towards her. It's strange how the world turns on you and drops these bombs when you least expect it.

Smiling, I bend my head, arching my brows before I grab her face and pull her towards me. "I don't know what the fuck just happened, but, I've forgiven you a long time ago and, and I zoned out through half your speech but only because I'm a little shocked right now with your aggressiveness and outburst. I mean, you just popped out of nowhere and nearly gave me a heart attack. I got most of what you said down though." I grin, watching her let out a sigh of relief. "But I need you to promise me one thing." I quickly add.

"What's that?" Her tone is soft and unsure.

"When we go out later with Trace and Yolanda, you and I need to have a one on one and talk about some things. It's ok now that Malcolm is going to be fine." I explain.

"Ok, I promise." Zara speaks confidently and I nod, thankful that she's willing to get some things out in the open.

"So..." I say shyly, leaping over topics. "Does that mean you're my chocolate covered strawberry again?" I ask, a bashful smile on my face.

"I always was Ju. I'm so sorry. I really am and..." I watch as she breathes deeply.

"And what?" I probe, searching her eyes, trying to read her expression.

"I...I love you Ju." Zara speaks softly. "I finally said it....oh my god." She whispers in bewilderment.

"Wh...what?" I stutter, incomprehensively. Na, I didn't hear right. I couldn't have. That's just impossible...

"I love you...I love you so much it hurts. But, strangely I'm ok with that. I just, can't really keep it in anymore." She smiles, causing a chain reaction in me.

"Are you for real?" I enquire, not really knowing what the fuck to say or how to react. How do you react to something like that? I know I'm being a pussy ass bitch right now but shit, I have a good reason. What the hell? This is something so sudden and unbelievable I'm having a hard time accepting the reality of the situation.

"I'm not too late am I?" her face now laced with worry.

"No...no...god no. You know I love you too." I quickly respond, embracing her in my arms. "jesus, I can't believe this is happening." I mutter, sill not fully there. She just did a 180 on me...

"I can..." Zara mumbles, shivering in my hold. It's then I realize that we're in the shower, half-naked.

Awkward....

"Are you cold? You should probably get out and wrap a towel around you. I'll be out soon." I suggest, rubbing her arms to create some warmth.

"I'm fine. I mean, I was thinking that maybe...you could warm me up or something. You know if you wanted to..." She says shyly, avoiding eye contact.

My orbs grow wide when realization hits me with what she's saying. "Jahzara Gilmore, are you giving me an invitation to..."

"You're right I should go." She interjects, moving away from me and heading for the glass doors of the shower but I stop her, cornering her.

"Are you sure?" I drawl lazily.

"No." She replies nervously. "But, fuck it." She adds, smiling before she pulls me down into a kiss.

And I'm speechless...

She's a little closet freak...I knew it!

Now that's something I'll never protest to.

Groaning into the kiss, I pull berry with me until we're under the warm water, hoping that will help her slightly trembling form. Relaxing a bit, she sighs with relief.

Snaking my tongue out, I nibble slightly on her bottom lip asking for access and she parts her lips granting me entrance. Passing my hands through her drenched curls, I tense when her hands graze down my waist, passing over my hardening erection. Shit, she's driving me insane right now. I can't even believe this is happening. Am I dreaming? Is this heaven?

Ok that was lame but... "Damn." I mutter, as she sucks hungrily on my lips, her hands passing over my chin and mouth region.

Breaking the kiss, she looks up at me, still sliding her palms over my shaven face. "It's so smooth. You look so different now....younger. I like it." She coos, kissing under my chin before she brings her lips to mine again.

Grinning brightly, I back her against the moist wall, lifting one of her legs around my waist as she begins groping at any available flesh on me. Releasing a low growl, I move my hands to her back, slowly untying the strings of her top and allowing it to fall in a heap on the tiled shower floor, exposing her round, supple, caramel coated breasts for my viewing pleasure. I can't help but lick my lips with how turned on I'm getting, instantly leaning down to suck one of her chocolate colored nipples into my mouth. Whimpering, her nails graze down my arms causing me to shudder lightly....

And you know what? Fuck all my doubts on how possibly wrong this is, because it's really not. In my opinion, things couldn't be more perfect, so I'm just going to ignore all my supposed rational thoughts screaming out at me...

****

Oh my god, what am I doing?

I remember Justin telling me how he felt in Trace's kitchen. I remember heading up to my guestroom soon after to get ready for our afternoon outing. Then I remember my thoughts being completely engulfed in the fact that Justin told me he ‘loved me' yet again. I thought the first time was bad, but this definitely took things to new heights. I guess I just snapped. I've been fighting this for so long. I've been neglecting my feelings for so long because I was scared. But then I thought of all the things Trace told me. And I know he's right. Justin isn't like Christian and I must have been blind not to see it. This isn't how I planned out Justin and I getting back on good terms. I think this works out better. I thought we might maybe start over as friends but fuck it. I'm skipping all the strangers and awkwardness phase. I've finally just given up fighting.

I think that's what led me into Justin's room. I had to see him. I had to have him. I don't care anymore. I don't even care too much about Jeremy. He's been really controlling and jealous lately. Besides Trace was right again. I could never love Jeremy the way I love Justin. My feelings were conflicted and I thought Jeremy could save me from myself and my destructive nature, but I was wrong. I was complacent with him. He's not perfect but he was good to me. But now, now I'm thinking I might have made a mistake.

Now, I'm realizing that if I can willingly cheat on my boyfriend and not feel any guilt or remorse then maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. Maybe, I should just take Trace's advice and break up with Jeremy, make a mends with Christian and my past, and work on developing a relationship with Ju. Yeah, I figured all that out when I was in my room a while ago. That's pretty crazy, but the whole reality of not seeing Justin for over a month and realizing that I'm losing him was just the slap I needed to wake me up....

"Berry?" Justin whispers, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" Breathing heavily, I gaze into his sparkling blues watching as he gives me a comical glare.

"You just stopped kissing me and were staring off into space. Are you alright? You want me to stop?" He asks, as my eyes dart around the large blue and white tilted shower. Is he crazy? I don't ever want him to stop!

Looking down at my heaving chest, I watch as my breasts rub against his bare torso with every breath I take. He's frozen under my touch, his intake of air short and sharp. But, he's still staring at me worried - concerned with why I'm so unresponsive. "No, I just had a moment." I smile, leaning in to kiss him deep and slow.

"Ok, but I really think maybe we should..." choking on his words when I graze his erection with my thigh, I giggle before dropping my hands to fiddle with the strings of his swimming trunks. Why was he even in here with them in the first place? Justin can be so weird sometimes.

"Can we speed this up Ju? I'm so horny you wouldn't believe." I profess, watching as Justin rips away from me, dropping my leg from around his waist in the process.

"Ok, who are you and what have you done with Zara?" He fakes a serious tone, but his eyes are filled with pure mischief.

"You're so full of shit Justin." I laugh.

"I never get tired of hearing you say that." He grins, turning up the temperature on the shower dial. Moving back to me he smirks, passing his hands over his head of damp hair. He's really allowed his golden brown hair to grow out since he's been gone. It's practically curling again with how long it is. "I need to cut my hair." He suddenly voices, reading my mind.

"I think it's sexy. You haven't worn your hair like that in ages." I admit.

"With good reason. It's a fucking pain to tame and maintain." He chuckles.

Wait, why did we stop making out?

"Justinnnnnnnn..." I suddenly start to whine, fidgeting and feeling exposed.

"What?" He inquires innocently, his eyes widening.

"You're stalling!" I whine again, deciding to take matters into my own hands.

"This is so strange." Justin laughs uncomfortably. "I mean, you're in the fucking shower with me berry, practically naked. Honestly, I'm not sure how to really react."

"I can help with that." I state nonchalantly. Walking up to him, I untie the strings of his trunks, putting my fingers in the waistband to pull them down his slender waist and to his feet, watching as he kicks them off and his erection springs to life out of its confinements.

Standing to my feet, I kiss his bare chest and neck then I smile seductively at him before pulling off my bikini bottoms since he's just standing there like a ‘deer caught in headlights'. Men.

Fully naked, I step under the shower to warm myself up a bit when he doesn't budge. Justin is still just standing, watching me, gawking, blinking slowly, licking his lips, panting....

"What's wrong with you Justin?" I giggle at the fact that he's now the one zoned out.

"I can't move." He half-jokes.

"Oh my god, are you serious?" I laugh out loud. He can do just about anything he wants to me right now but, he's acting all shy and scared like some virgin. I'm completely vulnerable and he does nothing.

"I can't breathe." He whispers this time, his eyes shamelessly roaming over my naked frame, examining me closely. "Zara you're naked. You're very naked and very wet..." he says matter-of-fact, wriggling his eyebrows and I roll my eyes. I can't help it. It's not long before I burst into a fit of giggles. This is hilarious. I'm not letting him forget this one. God, the look on his face is fear mixed with excitement and I don't know what else.

It's cute.

He's cute.

Now frowning, Justin finally moves, coming under the shower with me. "Are you laughing at me?" he says saucily. "That's not funny. I feel kind of paralyzed." He pouts.

"You're not. You seem fine to me." I gesture to his member - thick, throbbing and poking at my butt now.

"You're right." He growls in my ears, wrapping his arms around me from behind and leaning down to kiss my neck as I relax against his hold.

"So, are you going to fix our little problem?" I probe.

"Uh huh." Justin mutters, kissing and nibbling on my neck then earlobe mindlessly.

I turn around to face him still in his arms as he backs us up against the wall, leaning down to kiss me.

Smiling into the kiss, I gasp as he effortlessly hoists me off the floor, wrapping my legs snuggly around his slim waist and pressing my back into the wall for support - my center burning as my whole body quivers in anticipation. Oh my god, he lifted me up. I didn't even know that was possible.

"You're definitely losing too much weight. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to do that a few months ago." Justin mumbles against my lips, not giving me a chance to respond as he shoves his tongue down my throat. Moaning into the kiss, I just shrug, ignoring his statement and allowing rapture to take over. "I promise next time, we'll go the whole nine yards and I'll go slow, taking my time with you..." He rambles out softly, his voice raspy as he positions himself at my entrance.

Before I get a chance to ask what he means, my breath and voice lodges in my throat when he swiftly slides into me without warning, gripping my waist tightly and stretching my walls, eliciting a guttural moan from me before I spit out profanities. God, he's a perfect fit. This all just feels...amazing...

"Shit." Justin hisses, his breathing choppy as he sets his pace; his thrusts are slow and powerful as he bites his lips, gazing into my eyes - his orbs masked over with a mixture of emotions.

I think we're both aware of how the other person presently feels. Nothing really needs to be said at this perfect moment in time...

Swallowing hard, I wrap my arms around his neck for support, getting lost in what he's doing to me. My insides are already on fire as Justin works us both into submission, allowing a pleasurable bliss to empower us mixed with all our built up passion and emotions...

In a way, I didn't see this coming.

I never expected things to happen like this; but maybe it's a good thing.

In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a fabulously fantastic thing and certainly a turning point for the both of us...

****

Quote by: Unknown.

Song credits: Beat it by Michael Jackson

Sunday Afternoon...

Hours Later...

Turning Point - Part 2

"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain."

"Ju?" I call out, watching as Justin is lost in some conversation with Mike as we stand inside of this Chinese restaurant, waiting for our orders before we head to the park.

"Ju!" I say a bit louder, waiting as he turns around to look at me.

"Yeah?" He replies, a goofy grin on his face. I wonder what they're talking about.

"Can we stop for some ice cream before we head to the park?" I enquire craving the cold, delicious sweetness.

"Uh ok, we could do that." He says distractedly, diverting his attention back to Mike, instantly cracking up at something Mike said.

Ugh, men are so clueless most times. Ha!

Ignoring them, I move around the restaurant, taking a seat close to the entrance on the waiting chairs for take-out customers. Strumming my fingers against my long cargo pants out of boredom, I look around the restaurant, taking in the vanished wooden tables and the many Chinese decorations and writings. Still gazing around, my eyes finally focus in on a pair of piercing brown orbs. Turning to see if the person is looking behind me, I whip back around noticing he's now smiling brightly. Uh ok, who the hell is that and why is he watching me like that?

Frowning when he stands and makes his way over to me, I gaze in Justin's direction whose back is facing me as he, Trace, Yolanda, Mike and Lonnie stand around the cashier's counter, talking about something or other.

I'm a little out of the loop right now. Mostly because I can't stop thinking about what happened in the shower between Justin and me earlier. I can't even believe we had sex again and now we're all cool like it was the most normal thing in the world when it wasn't. But, I love that. I really do. I love how Justin and I can always seem to find some common ground and an ultimatum or temporary fix to a problem. He's truly something. When I vocalized my feelings to him through a hurricane of emotions he seemed almost unfazed, like he was relating or on the same wave length as me. That made me appreciate the person he's become even more presently.

He's really changed for the better. He's so attentive and caring now, a side of him that was hidden behind his cocky, arrogant, selfish persona. I still can't get that shower scene out of my head though. We prolonged the whole getting ready to go out plan. I'm assuming Justin and I were in that shower much longer than intended because my hands began to prune and Trace came looking for us, both of us busting into laugher when he kept banging on Justin's door screaming bloody murder.

I'm still grinning like an idiot from the memory, until the stranger who was eyeing me clears his throat, taking a seat next to me.

"Hi?" I inquire in a high pitched tone when he crosses his jeans clad legs, leaning back in his seat as he eyes me. Does this guy not see I'm with company? More importantly, does he not realize that Justin would beat his ass for coming near me? What can I say? That's my Ju for you. He hides his jealously well though. Does that mean I'm with both Jeremy and Justin now? Maybe technically? I'm confused.

"Miss Gilmore." He greets me, shaking my hand lightly before pulling away.

"Do I know you?" I enquire, intrigued that this man knows my name. But then again, I am Yolanda's PA so I need to get use to that. Focusing on his auburn hair and glowing olive skin I frown. Why does he look faintly familiar?

"Barely." He chuckles.

"Why are you here talking to me?" I snap, wanting him to get to the point.

"Well, when I saw you all walk in here I was definitely stunned. It's really a small world." Connecting his eyes to mine he shrugs. "I'm not sure if you remember a certain club performance your client Yolanda was doing a few months ago in LA? You stormed out of the club in hysterics and I got a glimpse as well as a few pictures of you then asked about your relationship with Justin..." he trails off when I grit my teeth, my eyes widening at the memory...

That was the night Justin was high and we got into this big argument in the club because of his jealously and all the horrible things he said to me. It ended in me slapping Justin then storming out of the club in tears, to moving in with Jeremy for the rest of our stay in LA. I've really tried to burry that memory but now this...unannounced stranger had to bring it up to the surface of my thoughts...

...Flashback...

Sprinting down the stairs of V.I.P, I disappear into the crowd pushing at the bouncers at the exit to let me through. When they see me, they step aside and I'm instantly bombarded with blinding light flashes.

"Miss Gilmore!"

"Jahzara over here!?"

"Yolanda's PA! What's it like in there?! Is Yolanda doing great?!"

Holy shit! When did these people learn my name? What's happening? Pushing them out of the way, I try to get unto the sidewalk so I can hail a taxi.

"Miss Gilmore when did you and Justin begin having an affair?"

Stopping dead in my tracks, I turn around to see a very tall man with auburn hair and olive skin holding a camera in his hand and an evil glimmer in his eyes.

"Wh...what?"

"You know, you and Justin. There's a rumor going around about you two kissing in some parking lot after a Lakers game. But no pictures have surfaced yet. What's that about?"

"Oh my god. Are you people insane? Just leave me alone!" I yell, whipping around and picking up my pace, practically sprinting out of the mass hysteria and down the sidewalk.

...End flashback...

"You're that nosey photographer." I point out, furrowing my brows in realization. "What are you doing in Orlando?"

"I live here." He states simply.

"So, what do you want? Why are you talking to me?" I really want him to leave but I don't want to be rude.

"I was hoping that maybe we could make a business arrangement with a project I have in development. I've been meaning to head over to Tennman, but seeing you here unexpectedly works too. I'll still stop by the office for details." He smiles, handing me a business card.

A business arrangement? What the hell type of business could he possibly offer? I don't trust him. Plus, he was very rude the night of Yol's club performance. Grabbing the card, I examine it closely. "Look I don't know about this." I begin, zooming in on the name on the card. "Rico Gonzalez?" I frown again. "You don't look Spanish." I can't help but state.

"I'm mixed." He shrugs. "Oh and sorry about that time..." Tensing, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat before standing. "Think about it. I'll be in touch. It was nice meeting you formally. Have a nice day." He rambles out, giving me a tight smile and walking straight for the exit, leaving me baffled by his sudden exit.

Then I hear someone clear their throat lightly from close behind and I turn around quickly. My hazels instantly connect to a pair of curious blues. Justin has a displeased expression on his face as he scowls. "What the hell was that?" he inquires, trying to keep his cool and his voice at a minimum pitch.

"I honestly don't know." I admit, just as lost as him if not more.

"Who was that?" he accentuates, patiently waiting for my response.

Gazing down at the card again, I sigh. "Rico Gonzalez. He's a photographer. Uh, he wanted me to contact him about some business venture. Said he would stop by the company some time." I supply, knowing damn well the whole paparazzi concept maybe fits into his line of work. However, I'm not looking for Justin to throw a tantrum which I know will happen if I tell him.

"That's pretty random and unprofessional." Justin states brusquely, now suspicious of my little encounter. "He seemed a little shocked and scared when he saw me too."

"I guess."

"Give me the card." Justin demands firmly and I hand it to him.

Quickly scanning it over, he crumples it in his hand, tossing it into a nearby trash can. "There, business venture settled. Let him come into the office if he's serious. Let's go. The others are outside waiting for us with the take-outs. They took the back exits in case of any lingering fans." He stretches his hands out to me and I can't help but laugh at what he did. I was thinking about doing the same thing.

"Ok." I simply comply, dismissing the previous situation, completely forgetting about it. "Did you get my chicken fried rice?" I ask eagerly.

"Yeah I did." Justin chortles, pulling me to stand and kissing my lips lightly before we make our way to the back exit and out to Trace's Yellow hummer. I remember teasing Justin and Trace about that since Justin has a black one. I told him, he and Trace were a cute couple with matching rides and all, causing them to burn with embarrassment and protest to no end. It was comical.

"So, I was thinking we'll get your rocky road ice cream on our way home." Justin blurts out just as we make it to the ride, hopping in the backseat to squeeze with Yolanda and Trace.

"How do you know my favorite ice cream?" I ask amazed.

"You told me some time back. I don't forget that easily." He chuckles and I just smile, thinking it's cute that he remembers these little things about me. I'm betting Jeremy has no idea what my favorite ice cream, chocolate or even color is for that matter. But, I'm sure Justin knows. I guess it's the little things that count, no matter how insignificant they may appear to be.

I'm almost tempted to quiz Justin and find out just how well he knows me but I refrain when I hear Trace call Yolanda a whiny bitch and she slaps him rigorously on his arm. That's as far as it gets before Lonnie scolds them both and they remain quiet. Giggling slightly, I realize Justin is laughing along as well, calling Trace a baby, practically salting Trace's already wounded ego.

Relaxing against Justin's broad chest as Mike brings the ride to life, we all remain in silence, chatting every once in a while as we listen to the radio on our way to ‘Justin's park,' - figuratively speaking of course, not like I would be surprised if he actually owned one.

****

Hours later....

At the park....

Today has been an amazing day for me, literally. I'm not sure what happened or what caused berry to change but you can bet I'm not complaining. I still can't believe she just attacked me in the shower like that earlier, but it was an enjoyable attack. I fully recommend it for anyone. Yeah, that was me being cheesy. I tend to be all soft and emotional when it comes to berry. That's a trait I didn't even know still existed, but she brings it out in me strangely enough. Honestly, I don't like it. I hate it in fact, because that means my heart is on my sleeve with her and the last time I remember ever wearing my heart on my sleeve was years ago...

Now, I'm a little skeptic to take such a chance again, but I guess Zara's worth it. So why do I feel troubled with her telling me she loves me? Isn't that what I wanted? I mean, she's everything I love and everything I fear all in one. Her sensitive side is adorable. We mesh well. She's out of her shy unconfident shell almost completely. Bit by bit I'm seeing the real woman behind her steel walls. I can't wait for the day she just lets it all go and embraces who she really is, because I know for a fact this is not her. Something must have happened to her in her past that I don't know about. Which reminds me, we need to have that heart to heart.

Leaning back on my elbows on the blanket we laid out earlier, I gaze at the scene going on in front of me...

Everyone immediately dug into their food when we got here so I'm defiantly feeling full and lazy right now. It's a beautiful quaint little park with endless gardens of flowers in all assortments. There are benches under the shadow of the huge oak trees and a vast expanse of freshly cut grass with small walkways in between. The sun is slowly setting as it lights up the blue sky giving it an orange glow. It's perfect out here. I never realized how much I've missed coming here until now. It was one of my getaways to clear my mind. There are also a few lingering persons, but none to be alarmed by because of my celebrity status.

Yawning lightly, I watch as Trace is running around chasing Zara on the open field. She's giggling like a maniac, dodging left and right when Trace lunges at her. It's really comical. It's like watching a turtle chase a rabbit. He's not going to catch her. Funny that she can run like that but when it comes to jogging for exercise she complains. Not that she even needs that anymore with how small she's getting. I know I keep mentioning it, but it's only because that's really starting to bother me. Especially since Dr. Lake mentioned about finding traces of antidepressants in berry's blood. I guess this is some serious shit.

Seating upright I hunch over in laugher when Trace flies forward, missing Zara and connecting with the ground. Damn, I'm sure he ate some grass too. Turning in my direction when she hears my laughter, Zara smiles for me before blocking her mouth to stifle her giggles as she makes her way over to Trace.

"Haha, Tracey-poo are you ok? Oh my god. Ha-ha-ha!" Zara belts, leaning down to help Trace up who seems more embarrassed than anything else.

Ok, enough mellowing out. It's time to get down to business. Standing on my feet, I pass Yolanda, Mike and Lonnie who are in their own little world talking about something. The most I pick up on is Yolanda whining about her new bodyguards to Mike. Stopping mid-step, I turn to face her with a stern expression.

"I'm not going to fire them Yolanda." I interject, causing everyone to divert their gazes on me.

"Justin..." She whines. She almost sounds like Zara but Zara still has her beat.

"I'm not firing them." I enforce.

"Then could you get rid of Blake? He's the devil incarnate." She huffs. She's such a prima donna.

"He's a much better personal trainer than Jeremy will ever be." I state bitterly.

"You're just saying that because you have personal issues with the guy." She retorts, giving me a knowing glare. I won't tell her she's right though. I know Jeremy is great at what he does, but he can do it somewhere else.

"I'm not firing them so get over it." I end the conversation abruptly, storming away from the trio. Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I pass by a rose bush, picking a single rose and playing with the stem between my finger tips as I carefully remove the thorns.

Finally reaching over to where Trace and berry are sitting on the grass resting against an oak tree, they instantly cease their talking and laughter as I come into view. Frowning, I force a smile on my face as I push between Trace and berry to get a space to sit.

"Shit, you might as well tell me to leave." Trace snaps, scooting over so I can sit in the middle.

"Ok. Then leave." I reply smartly with a sly grin, my eyes telling him that I'm serious.

"I'm just going to head over to Yolanda and the group where I'm wanted." Trace scowls, standing and nudging Zara playfully before he sprints off.

Sighing, I mentally prepare myself for what's about to go down before I turn to face Zara.

She's just sitting quietly, watching me with those beautiful eyes of hers. "Hey..." I whisper.

"Hey yourself Ju." She whispers back with a colossal grin on her face.

Smiling back I hold out the rose I picked for her viewing pleasure. "Here, this is for you." I say in a low voice, watching as she takes the rose from my grasp. Staring down at it, she smells it briefly before locking eyes with me.

"I love it. Thank you." She coos and I nod in acknowledgement.

"Here let me help you with that." Leaning over, I take the rose from her and brake off the stem, placing the rose in between the groove of her ears and her curly hair. "Perfect." I smile, leaning back to take in her form. "It fits perfectly with the red top you're wearing considering that's your favorite color and all." I explain.

"Wow Ju, you just keep surprising me. First my favorite ice cream now my favorite color. What next?" She asks disbelievingly, but I can tell she's impressed with my gifted memory. Yeah, I know I'm cocky.

"You love Twix, but you already know I knew that." I chuckle with a shrug. "And, um, you're a romantic movie sap which is ok since you're a female." I joke, laughing harder when she raises her brows at me. "Let's see, you want to be a psychologist, your favorite pass time is to read novels though you haven't had much of a chance to do that since you've stepped into my crazy world. You love dogs but hate cats, don't know why. Glad it's not the other way around. Uh, you prefer Chris Brown over Omarion, not that I care. I'm just hoping you never get to meet him. You'd probably jump him like how you're obsessed with my friend JC. You have a thing for Robin Thicke. Jeffery Rush is maybe one of your only real friends at Tennman. Your annoying nail habit is well...annoying as fuck, but you only do it if something is bothering you immensely making you uncomfortable or afraid to voice your thoughts and feelings. I've been meaning to ask you what your favorite music is, I hardly ever see you listening to music come to think of it. You're obsessed with the scent of strawberries, hence the nickname. I wouldn't be surprised if they were your favorite fruit. You seem to like pizza almost as much as Trace and I do. You can't live without your morning coffee. I think you're an addict...." Drifting off, I laugh when Zara places her palm over my mouth.

"Ok enough. I like all kinds of music by the way, no favorites." She giggles, gasping for air in between before she pulls her hand away, causing me to lick my lips in the process. "Oh my goodness. I don't even know what to say to that." She laughs out. "I'm impressed Ju, damn. But, this isn't why we're here is it?" She asks skeptically.

Shaking my head no, I rest back on the large trunk of the oak tree watching the array of colorful patterns in the sky as the sun is almost out of sight.

"I want you tell me what's been going on with you and why you're losing so much weight." I cut right to the chase, not caring to make anymore small talk.

Visibly tensing, Zara lets out an exasperated sigh before she casts her vision to the darkening sky.

"Justin..."

"Zara please, just tell me. I care about you; I'll help how I can. Don't shut me out and I don't want us to fight. You promised me." I remind her, causing her to let out a moan of despair.

"Well then, I guess I should start this story all over with what I told Trace a few days ago huh?" She begins and I can already feel my anger rising. That little shit-head; I knew he was keeping things from me. But, now that she trusts me enough to share, I guess I can't complain too much...

"Ok, go ahead..." I probe, all ears for what ever revelation she's about divulge.

"Ok, so it all starts back to my high school days, from my parents dying to my aunt taking us in. Then it goes on to a touchy subject of my last real boyfriend before Jeremy whose name was Christian Andrew Hemingway..."

"Why does his name sound so familiar? Like the Hemingways who own this large wine empire my restaurants always order from?" I randomly voice, interrupting berry.

Giving me an askance look, Zara groans inwardly. "Well, you're definitely on point with that one." She pauses when my eyes grow wide with shock, but I remain silent. I mean, that dude was years in her past right? I've always heard he was a ladies man. I've even been compared to him on a few occasions. I'm a little scared now to hear what she has to say. "Before you get all worked up, let me just start from the beginning ok?"

"Ok." I nod, completely mute as Zara proceeds to pour her heart and soul out to me, taking me for one hell of a ride....

**

Some time later...

I'm lost as to how long we've been sitting here chatting, but it's pitch black now. Night time always rolls around quickly. Stretching my partially cramped limbs, I think I'm a little thrown off with this entire life history. I had no idea Zara endured the torture she did. I mean, how could those kids be so callous and unrelenting like that? They bullied her, ridiculed her, belittled her, even beat her up. I can't even imagine going through something like that. I did get my fair share of it growing up, but never to this magnitude.

I'm still speechless by all of this. I guess that explains her whole fascination with psychology. Anyone who experienced what she did would be fucked in the head too. And, if I ever got to meet her Aunt, I'd have a few choice words to give her for ever treating Zara and Malcolm like they were a burden on her as opposed to her family. I think what I'm really irked by is this Christian story she told me. I don't even want to think about it right now.

I mean, how the fuck can she compare me to what that asshole did to her? How can she say we're alike? And even more so, how can she think I'd ever do to her what he did? How fucked up is that? He fucked his ex at their senior prom party then had the heart to tell her she was never his type and they were just fooling themselves. Man, if Malcolm hadn't beaten his ass the next day... I would get on a plane and find his ass to beat him now. What an asshole. Both he and Jeremy are assholes. It's no wonder berry is afraid to put her heart on the line. She's really had the pick of the litter hasn't she? Still, I can't believe we went through all this because of her fear that her past will repeat itself. I feel so betrayed in a way, that she never voiced this sooner. I think we could have avoided a lot of drama. Plus, I feel kind of guilty for being such an asshole to her in the beginning. I'm glad that's all changing now.

But that doesn't answer the one question that keeps plaguing me...

"What's with the weight loss Zara?" I interrupt her, realizing that she was still talking about something or other. Oh, I zoned out. I think I'm picking that up from her. She does it too often. It's strangely calming though.

"What?" She asks dumfounded, clearly on another level compared to me.

"Are you still taking those weight loss bars you showed me when we were in LA some months ago?"

"I...I uh..." Stumbling over her words, I grip her arms and yank her down when she attempts to stand.

"You promised." I enforce, already getting agitated with the situation.

"I just told you my life history Justin. Give me a fucking break to breathe. I don't want to talk about this now." She snaps, her anger slowly building as she fights in my grasp.

I really don't want this to escalate into something. Mike, Lonnie, Trace and Yolanda are all hanging out on one of the park benches out of ear shot. If Zara acts up, they're going to interrupt us and I can't let that happen. Not when she's finally opening up to me. Sighing with defeat, I let her go and she shimmies away from me scoffing.

"Please Zara. I can't take much more of this. We need everything out in the open. When I get back to work tomorrow everything is going to be different. We're going to be into this whole studio, media, entertainment thing with Yolanda and myself. We can't be focusing on this now. Just...please." I plead, catching the glow of her eyes from the reflection of the moonlight peeking through the clouds.

Whimpering, she brings her knees up to her chest, staring off into the distance. The park is practically deserted now. I'm thinking we should head back to Trace's soon...

"I'm taking anti-depressants and weight loss pills." She blurts out emotionlessly, and I'm just there sitting, tugging on my white t-shirt.

"Wh...what?" I ask in disbelief. Is she fucking crazy? Is she looking to drop dead or something?

"You heard me." She spits coldly, turning in my direction. God, her stare is like icicles piercing through me. I can almost feel the chill.

"You could seriously hurt yourself Jahzara. Why?" Ok Justin just stay calm. Breathe. Say ‘Ou Sa', do anything you need to do from not blowing up. That's the last thing she needs.

"Because..." Standing to her feet, I follow suit, burning her with my gaze. When she attempts to walk away, I grab her waist and spin her around.

"Because what?" I push.

"You wanted to know. I finally figured it out today when my jeans weren't fitting right. I told myself it's nothing but I know Justin. I know it's the pills."

"Why are you taking them?" I inquire harshly, a mass of emotions slowly creeping into my system. I think the one that's magnified right now is fear. Fear of how Zara could be damaging herself and her health. If she's right, it won't be long before she's in the hospital next to her brother. I'm pretty sure he'd blame me for it too. I can't believe Dr. Lake was right...

"Why do you think? If I'm not mistaken, I remember a certain someone voicing I had to weigh at least 300 pounds and no guy would ever be interested in me. Oh and that someone iced their statement by saying and I quote ‘You're just a fat hideous bitch', or don't you remember?" She spits vehemently.

Flinching at the memory, I feel my stomach contents stir. Oh my god, is she telling me this is my fault? Holy fucking shit. I was fucking high, partially drunk and jealous over her and Jeremy at Yolanda's club performance in LA. I didn't mean any of what I said. She knows this. So, why is she even bringing that night up? I thought we got past that.

"Ber..." But she cuts me off.

"Don't Justin. Just shut up." Bowing her head, she breathes in deeply. "I don't want to fight with you. I've just had to deal with this my whole life. I guess I'm just doing something about it now." Lifting her head, she rubs at her temples slowly as if to calm her nerves and I'm just there completely speechless. "Let's get the others and head back to Trace's. It's getting late." She supplies, but I stop her from moving yet again, this time pulling her flush against my torso.

"I didn't mean what I said." I speak softly, obviously hurt and angry that I ever said those things to her.

"Just forget it. I'll stop taking the pills if that's what pleases you." She explains uncaringly.

"I've apologized Zara. I bought a fucking Yacht for you. What more do you want from me? It's not that simple. You can't just stop. Those pills are almost as addictive as a person on crack. You need help. I can help you but you need to stop shutting me out. Dr. Lake and I can..." I explain, wincing in pain when she hits at my chest and moves out of my hold.

"A yacht is the perfect ‘I'm sorry' gift huh?" She says sarcastically. "And Dr. Lake?" She asks incredulously, her eyes wide as she ‘puts two and two together.' "This conversation is over." She storms off but I sprint after her, hoisting her up and over my shoulder before she can reach the group.

It's like you caught up in a maze
You keep on going in circles girl you're trying to find your way out
But its time I put on my cape and
Put that us on my chest
Girl I wanna come and save you
But I'm stuck in the middle of seeing you hurting...

"Oh my god Justin! Put me down! What the hell is your problem?" She screams, kicking up her legs - her arms flailing as I turn in the opposite direction, carrying us further away from the group. All eyes are on us now, but no one is budging from their spot. I think they're trying to figure out if we're playing around or not.

Ignoring Zara's protests, I walk further out into the field. Fed up with her wriggling, I drop her unceremoniously unto the grass as I hover over. She's looking up at me completely shocked, seething with anger.

"You see this shit Jahzara! Look at how easily I lifted you! This is fucking serious." I point at her. "Now I would be all down for this if you were doing it the healthy way but you're not! You're fucking wasting away to nothing. Are you looking to faint or go into a coma too?" I snap, my anger rising to surprising heights. "Because you're stupid if you let people dictate your life. I was a complete asshole ok? I admit that. But jesus, I've been trying to make it right ever since. Give me a little credit for fuck's sake. I'm not going to sit back and watch you dig yourself into an early grave because you give a fuck about what people say. I won't fucking do it do you hear me? You need to get a fucking grip on reality and realize not everyone looks down on you unless you allow them to. I don't. I never did. Believe it or not, I always noticed you. You were shy, but something about you always intrigued me, like some twisted alluring energy force you entailed and still do. I don't know what it is, but shit ber, I'm so fucking in over my head with all this pressure on my back for my next album and Yolanda. I can't help you if you don't help me and yourself. Just...." Dropping to my knees, I study her form as tears are now silently sliding down her cheeks. She's quiet, just staring at me with those big hazels.

I can hear your heart crying out for me (crying out for me)
I can hear your heart crying out for me
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save me
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save me
(I can baby) I can hear your heart crying out for me

"Please Zara, don't be like this. I just want to help you. Let me help you. Come with me to visit Dr. Lake tomorrow after you see Malcolm that's all I ask." I plead, feeling broken up over her distraught state. Nodding timidly, she remains quiet pulling me into her embrace. Gladly accepting her gesture, I breathe a sigh of relief as I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her against my chest protectively. "I'm so sorry berry. God, we'll get through this. We'll tame our demons together." I whisper into her hair, the rose petals tickling my nose as I shut my eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry. I love you...just...hang in there babe." I coo, hearing her whimper.

I don't wanna confuse things (no)
But I just can't keep lying to myself
When you're holding me (when you're holding me)
I can feel your pain oh baby let me be your dream
I'm the answer come see me (see me)
And u don't have to cry no more (u don't have to cry)

Girl I can hear your heart baby
I can hear your heart
Girl it's crying
Won't you listen to your heart, baby

"I'm sorry too. I know you mean well." She chokes out, clinging unto me before we hear Trace calling out to us. Pulling away from her, I turn to look at him. Not really able to hear him clearly, I pick up on something along the lines of ‘get a room' and they're ready to leave.

I can hear your heart crying out for me
(And it's saying)
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save (Save me)...

Oh baby
It's crying for me
It's crying for me for me...

Standing, I dust off myself, helping berry up with me. "Sorry for dropping you." I apologize as I grip her hands in mine leading us over to the group.

"It's ok. You were trying to make a point." She giggles, wiping at her tear stained cheeks.

"Ok." I chuckle, squeezing her hand. "Want to come over to my place with me tonight? I need to get some fresh clothes for work tomorrow if we're going to spend the night at Trace's again. We promised to keep you company until Malcolm was out." I suggest.

"Or, we could just stay by you and head out to work in the morning. I'll grab a change of clothes by Trace and we can head over." She beams, her mood instantly lifting.

"I like the sound of that." I grin. "No interruptions either." I chortle.

"You're bad Ju." Zara slaps my arms playfully as I erupt in laughter.

"Na, I'm realistic." I challenge and she just shrugs still giggling like a school girl.

"Oh hey, what did you have to tell me about Jeremy?" Zara inquires, causing me to flinch.

"Uh, I'll tell you tomorrow at work. Is that ok?" I ask, wanting to avoid the situation for as long as possible.

"That's cool." She says dismissively.

"Hey what's your middle name?" I suddenly ask, hearing Zara laugh.

"Why?"

"Just curious." I state, not really sure where that thought came from.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." She snickers. "I was hoping you never found out." She adds.

"Now I definitely have to know." I mimic her baby expressions.

"It's Beryl." She explains nonchalantly.

"Are you shitting me? Is this a joke?" She's definitely pulling my leg.

"No. Actually, just a little admittance here: the only reason I'm obsessed with the whole strawberry thing is because that was my mom's signature scent. I know I was too young to remember her well but, I always remembered she smelt like strawberries. I guess it's my indirect way of staying close to her. In fact, my dad gave me that name because I was told he said I reminded him of her so much and her strawberry fetish. Hence, Jahzara Beryl Gilmore was bestowed upon me as my identity. I know it's corny, but when you called me berry the first time, I was stunned yet oddly ebullient over the whole concept. Now you know." She grins and I can't help but just laugh like I'm on Nitrous Oxide. There's nothing else I can really do. That was definitely a shocker. When I've fully digested it I'll comment on that because now, this is too hilarious. I mean, she lost her parents but that's not the part we're focusing on. It's the whole damn concept.

As we make it to the crowd of curious faces and questionable glares, I pull berry along with me to Trace's hummer. When no one says anything I groan with irritation. They're so speculative.

Breaking the silence, I opt to speak in an attempt to lighten the entire situation. "So, who wants ice cream?" I voice.

"Ice cream Justin? Are you five?" Trace snickers and I shove him roughly, watching as he stumbles, hitting his back against his ride. "Wow dude. It was just a joke. What the fuck was that for?" He asks, orbs blazing in offence - sneaky, secretive bastard. I'm just getting started with him. How dare he not tell me what I needed to know about Zara. Again I wonder whose friend is he really.

"You'll find out in due time." I state laconically, noting Zara's weary eyes as everyone else cracks up at Trace's expense, before we all get ready to leave the park. I should really look into setting up my back yard like this. It would be my own little private sanctuary away from this crazy ass life...

****

Orlando General Hospital...

Malcolm's P.O.V

Do you know what's worse than getting shot? The aftermath of recovering from the bullet wounds. I know I shouldn't be too worried because I'm alive and breathing. I'm ok...mostly. Just still in pain. Drew's been a real sport spending so much time with me in here. I think he feels partly responsible but it wasn't he's fault. Shit happens. But this piss ass bed is seriously uncomfortable and I've been having a hard time getting my nurse to go out with me. I'm a horny jerk, what can I say?

I'm glad Zary is dealing with this well. She seems to have some real loyal friends. Trace turned out to be a standup guy. I'm not too sure about her boss Justin though. I don't like the guy as far as I can throw him. Trust me when I say I'm betting I can throw his lanky ass pretty far. I don't like that smitten, crushing look she gets whenever he's around. If she thinks I'm clueless to it she's wrong. I'm going to have a talk with her about that.

I just hope no one tells her I flat lined. She'd never be able to deal with that. She's still so fragile with what she'd been through in her life and I love my baby sis. I'd never want her getting sick over my expense or getting hurt by any asshole. She already looks like she's under so much stress with the new job she has with Justin. It's definitely affecting her with how she's been losing weight. Even when we gym she never loses this much. But, I should really concentrate on getting better so I can get out of this fucking hospital and back to my baby sis. I trust that Trace and Yolanda are taking good care of her as well as Jeremy.

With that close encounter I experienced, I'm seriously thinking about quitting the force. I know I shouldn't but it's not even my preferred job. I only took the gig to supply for Zara and myself. I know we're all grown up now but she still needs me. She's all I have since our bitch of an Aunt bailed on us. Zary is constantly terrified every time I'm on the job. I can't keep putting her through that. I want to live too. I'm not digging putting my life on the line anymore. Since I've been lying in this bed I've had a lot of time to think and this decision might be the best one I've made in ages. I can look for a new job. Anything less dangerous and more rewarding to me will suffice. I'll definitely have to consider this...

Groaning in pain as I shift in bed, I begin fiddling with the covers, watching as the moonlight seeps in through the dull stained glass windows of my hospital room. God this is frustrating me to no end. I just want to get out of here.

Snapping my head in the direction of the door, I watch as it eases open, the bright lights from the hallway filtering into the partially dark room. Squinting to get a good look at the person who just entered, I immediately begin to smile.

"Hey Jeremy man what's up bro?" I say my voice slightly groggy.

Walking over to me, he smiles, pulling up a chair to take a seat next to my bed. "I've been good man. Could be better." He shrugs and I frown in curiosity.

"Zara can be a handful." I joke.

"Yeah, if I could see her or be with her." He spits angrily.

"Hang on man, what are you talking about? Isn't she your girl still?" I ask. What's happened since I've been here? It's only been a few days. Hardly any time has passed.

"She's supposed to be. But let's just say a certain boss of hers is really testing my patience and crossing over some very dangerous lines...why with employer and employee relations and shit. It's nothing I can't handle. But, I just came here to see you man and see how you're holding up. You look good. You're getting better." Jeremy pats my shoulder, changing topics but, I'm still stuck on the employer/employee relations part.

What the fuck is he really saying? That Zara and Timberlake are having some type of love affair? I'll kill them both if that's true. Zara knows better than that. She's smarter than that and should know not to get herself mixed up in that type of life. It's already going to be hard on her with her job description.

"Jeremy nice try, but you better tell me what the fuck is going on before I drag my ass out of this bed." I state calmly.

"Shit man. This isn't all that important really..." But I don't want to hear it.

"You have ten seconds to spit it out, so start talking..."

****

Quote by: Jennifer Aniston

Song: Crying Out For Me by Mario

Next Day...Monday Morning

Tennman Records

Orlando Florida

Guilty Pleasures

"Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, and it is concluded with the impossibility of separation."

....Flashback...

"Why the fuck are you here Justin? Are you tired of fucking my girl already?" He gives me a smirk. If that bitch only knew. I don't know what he's doing, but he's a bad influence on berry. She wasn't like this until she got with him.

Bowing my head in thought, I look up at him with a challenging, sinister smile. "You know why I'm here."

"No Justin. Enlighten me." He snaps, stepping out of the doorway and shutting the door behind him.

Folding my arms across my chest, I take a step towards him, keeping his intense gaze. If there is one thing I never back out of, it's a challenge. And this is one little competition that bastard is going to lose. I'll be damned if it turns out any other way.

Grinning at him slyly, I shrug, taking in my surroundings before I divert my attention back to him. "We need to have a little chat Jeremy."

**

He's laughing maniacally as his head dips back in amusement. I'm a few seconds away from socking him. He better watch himself.

"We are not chatting about anything Timberlake..."

But I cut him off by gripping his collar and shoving him up against his door, watching as his head bangs against the wooden barrier, his eyes widening in shock.

"Listen you asshole, I'm not here to give you a lecture. You watch yourself with Zara because if I find out you laid your hands on her in any way again, I'll be so far up your ass you'll need a fucking brace to stand and walk right. Don't fucking test me." I snarl moving back when he shoves me off, straightening his posture.

"You have some fucking balls coming to my place like this Justin." Jeremy hisses, walking up to me, hovering over. So he's maybe an inch or so taller than me but I don't give a fuck. Adrenaline is a bitch and I can feel it pumping through my veins. "I should have known you'd be here defending her. She's got you pussy whipped huh? Yeah I know, she's sweet...a great fuck too." He says condescendingly and I can't help but narrow my eyes. Hearing him talk about berry in that way is repulsive.

"You're a sick twisted fuck. Just watch yourself with her while I'm gone." I spit, glaring when his eyes light up.

"Gone?" He asks.

"I'm leaving for a while. Not that it's any of your fucking business." I hiss, creating space between us. If I stay here any longer, I'm seriously going to do something I'll regret. Surprisingly, I'm really calm though.

"Whatever man." Jeremy waves me off before I notice a few people coming over in our direction. Whipping back to him, I watch as his entire demeanor changes. He almost looks...terrified? What the fuck?

Taking a few steps back, I watch intently as two dark men walk up his steps, completely ignoring my presence as one of them pulls out an envelope from his pocket.

Cocking my head to the side, I create even move space not wanting to get involved with whatever is going on.

One of the men looks pissed as he shoves the envelope in Jeremy's chest roughly. I'm just standing there in awe, watching how Jeremy gulps hard, his eyes darting between me and his mysterious visitors.

"Jeremy." The man who handed him the envelop sighs displeasingly. I'm almost certain they're about to pull out some gun or something. They look like the fucking mafia only they're African Americans. "You know why I'm here. I don't take kindly to your screw ups. Now, this is not what we asked for. You fix it and you fix it soon if you value all your limbs to keep doing what you do as a trainer."

And I think this is one of the occasions where I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. Turning to stare at me, the darker man finally acknowledges my presence. "Talk to your boy please. Tell him this is serious." The man says to me as I feel my heartbeat quicken. Shit, his gaze is of pure evil. Jeremy has some deranged ‘friends' though I doubt these people are his friends.

"He's not my ‘boy'. Far from it; we use to be cool but shit happens...." I scowl, taking in Jeremy's uneasiness as he keeps looking at the other guy who hasn't said a word. Maybe he's a mute, but I doubt it.

Laughing lowly, the larger man directs his vision back to Jeremy. "Well Jeremy, you just seem to be on everyone's shit list huh? Listen. I need to go, but you fix this. Do you hear me? You fix it." his voice booms sternly, keeping his cool persona and Jeremy nods silently in response.

Shaking his head for me, the man signals to his partner for them to leave and just like that, they're down the stairs and gone in a flash just as fast as they arrived.

Diverting my attention back to Jeremy, I'm not even angry anymore. I'm fully intrigued with that little encounter we just had. "What kind of shit are you mixed up in Rowland?" I ask, forcing out his last name for emphasis. "It better not be what I think it is. I don't want Zara or Yolanda exposed to this type of shit." I snap, my anger slowly building again. Jeremy is just looking down at the envelope in his hands with a frown on his face.

"I gave them everything. What the fuck are they talking about?" He mutters...ignoring me.

"Are you dealing drugs?" I ask incredulously when I try to make sense of this weird situation.

Snapping his head up at me he growls angrily. "Just fucking leave Justin, before I make you leave." Jeremy orders and I shrug, not caring to be here anymore anyway.

"Whatever man. You really are fucked up." Shaking my head sadly, I whip around to leave but stop when Zara passes through my thoughts again. Turning back around, I give him a tight smile. "Jeremy, just so you know, you're fired. Because well, I can't have ‘that' around Yolanda. And you have till I return to come clean with Jahzara so I trust that you'll follow through with that. You'll call her and you'll apologize or else. And I stay true to my threats. You know who I am. I'll wipe the floor with you if I have to and you know this. I don't know; I'd be a little worried if I were you considering from the looks of things, you're in one hell of a fucked up situation. Just don't mix Zara up in this or I swear to god I'll skin you alive." I warn, my breathing erratic as I try to calm my nerves. God, I want to beat on him so fucking bad but it's not worth it.

"Have a good one." I add, when he doesn't respond. He's still staring at that stupid envelope. I don't even care to know what's in it or what's going on with him for that matter. It's none of my business but Zara's my business, so he better not fuck around.

It's not long before I hear the same girl who was hanging all over him call out for him to rejoin their drug and alcohol induced party. Suddenly I feel so terrible for Zara. She's so clueless about the person she's with. I don't even want to know anything else about the guy. I know enough to realize he's grade A slime.

Leaving Jeremy in his befuddled state, I groan with annoyance, turning on my heel and jogging down his stairs to my car. The faster I'm away from here, the faster I can get to my isolation away from all civilization especially Jahzara, for who knows how long. I'm just thinking life right now is a bitch that needs a serious slap in the face...

.......End of Flashback.....

"Justin?" Snapping my head up, I look out the large glass windows of my office before I whip around in my seat, letting out a sigh at the memory I just had. How the hell do I begin to tell Zara anything without coming off as a complete jerk?

Zooming in on the person standing in my doorway, I let out a depressed moan. "Mallory." I smile for her but I feel like shit inside. She's looking at me, her eyes glossed over like she's going to cry, fiddling with her white blouse. Jesus, I hope she doesn't cry. I can't handle that right now.

"I'm just letting you know my office is cleared out and I'm leaving." She says coldly and I cringe at her harshness.

Standing, I play with my tie and suit jacket before I walk over to her. "Listen Lory..."

"Mallory." She enforces even though her voice is weak. "And it's ok. You did what you had to do." She spits, folding her arms across her chest.

Bowing my head, I begin staring at my nails, understanding berry's habit a little more. It's definitely a good way to stall the inevitable. "I'm sorry Mallory." I breathe out, lifting my head to look into her eyes. They're so emotionless. I'm beginning to think I've really hurt her. I guess the asshole side of me is still alive and well.

"Just forget it. I just came to let you know I'm heading out." She shrugs, turning to leave but I grip her arms to stop her.

"Mallory." I sigh, feeling defeated. I should just let her leave but I can't. I mean, she still has a slight effect on me. She always did. Pulling her forward into my arms, I give her a tight hug. I guess it's my way of saying goodbye. She could have easily made this a complicated situation by bitching off but she's being really mature about all of this. When she's not a bitch she can be pretty decent and jesus what the fuck am I thinking?

Breaking our embrace, she's looking up at me with watery eyes. "Take care of yourself ok?" I whisper and she nods meekly before she sucks in a breath and turns to leave, not saying anything else to me before she slams my door shut on her way out.

Groaning, I pass my hands over my face in fustration before my fingers drop to my tie, loosening it around my neck.

There's another knock on the door and before I can voice enter, the person eases it open, popping their head through the crack.

"Hey Mr. Timberlake." They beam, causing a chain reaction in me.

"Don't even play that. You're not allowed to call me that anymore." I joke, walking forward to yank her inside by the arm.

Giggling she walks in, shutting the door behind her as I give her a once over. "Look at you all professional and shit." I laugh, taking in the tight fitted cream colored skirt she has on and black body fitted blouse. Oh, there's some cleavage too. I'm certainly digging this. Even if I saw her this morning, I can't help but appreciate the change.

"Yeah, I know." She says modestly and I chuckle.

"What's up berry?" I ask, loving how comfortable she is with me as she plops down on my couch with ease. Taking a seat next to her, she eyes me then shrugs.

"I just saw Mallory leaving here in tears. She stopped to shoot me one of her nasty glares before she disappeared into the elevators." Zara divulges and I nod furrowing my brows. "Didn't go too well huh?" She inquires knowingly. I'm starting to realize Zara is getting to know me a little too well for my liking.

"I think she might hate me." I pout, sticking out my bottom lip in thought. I don't like the idea of a female hating me. Guys I can deal with but women are a different issue.

"Aww, you're so cute. She'll get over it with time so don't worry. But damn Ju, you're all sexy in your suit. I miss seeing you like this. I could just eat you up right now." Zara coos, jumping on a completely different topic. I can't help but stare at her in amusement as she openly sizes me up. I like that she's changing slowly but surely. She's not shy around me anymore and I find her forwardness and aggressiveness extremely appealing for some reason.

"You're a horny little thing aren't you?" I chortle, remembering how we spent most of the night at my place engaging in some really interesting sexual acts. I'm still tired and feeling the aftermath considering I didn't get much sleep but shit, I loved it.

When Zara told everyone she was staying over at my place, Trace glared at us like we were insane but said nothing. He just played it off as did everyone else. But I know what they were thinking and I don't give a shit. I'm going to indulge in this thing Zara and I have going for as long as it will last.

Blushing, Zara shifts in her seat, crossing her legs and darting her eyes around my office. "We didn't exactly finish what we started." She explains and I just shrug uncaringly.

"How could we when you screamed out ‘watch out for that semi,' while we were...you know...." I state while gesturing with my hands, not wanting to get too graphic for any chance that someone might hear. I know I'm paranoid.

"Ha-ha that was hilarious. The look on your face was priceless too. You were like what fuck did you just say? Ha!" Zara laughs out loud and I can't help but erupt with laughter too. It was pretty hysterical.

"Shit berry, I know you got that from my HBO concert special when they were interviewing my crew and me but I never really did that or had any intensions of doing that." I chuckle as she shakes her head through sobs.

"I know, but I couldn't help myself. I had to see your reaction. I was in the living room watching your stupid DVD before you pulled me away so don't blame me." She grins as I stand pulling her up with me.

"Yeah, I'm going to punish you for that don't you worry." I growl, pulling her flush against my chest as her eyes widen.

"In here Ju? You're so bad." She says seductively before she pulls me down into a heated kiss. Wow, I definitely love this side of her. I don't ever want it to change.

Grinning into the kiss, I back her up to the door before clicking the lock so one can walk in on us. Shit, we must be seriously crazy but I don't care. She's addicting and I definitely need to satisfy my appetite right about now.

"I'm starting to enjoy this a little too much." I chuckle against her lips, as Zara begins working on my belt buckle frantically.

"Just shut up and help me. We don't exactly have all the time in the world." She scolds, breaking the suction she has on my lips. Licking them, I look down at her, drawing in a shaky breath when I feel the button on my pants open and she swiftly pulls down my zipper.

"Zara..." I whisper, causing her to cease her actions and connect her bright hazels to my blues. Sighing, I fight with my thoughts trying to make sense of them.

"We don't have to..."

But I quickly shut her up by pulling her forward to where my desk is located. Smiling, I lift her up to sit on the mahogany vanished desk, shoving papers out of the way as I hoist up her skirt over her caramel thighs. Passing my tongue over my lips slowly, I gaze into her eyes for a brief moment noting the adoration in them. Turning serious I lean forward to place a delicate kiss on her lips before I whisper softly..."I love you berry."

"Aw, I love you too Ju." She coos, caressing the side of my face with her palm. I honestly can't hear that enough.

"You're amazing you know that? And you definitely look berrilicious." I grin, using my invented word for her.

"You and that word." She laughs, pulling me forward by my tie. "Kiss me crazy man." She whispers and I frown.

"I hate when you say that..." I groan, leaning down to capture her lips with mine as I move her skirt further up her hips pressing my lower half into her center so she can feel how turned on I'm getting. Goddamn, I'm seriously in love with her. She gets me to do the craziest things. I can't believe what's about to go down right now in my fucking office of all places. This is so unlike me. I mean, we could get caught, but that's the beauty and excitement in it.

Moaning slightly, Zara wraps her arms around my neck, tickling the back of my head. Shivering, my hands grip her waist firmly as I continue to kiss her deeply, massaging her tongue with mine before I bring my fingers up to her blouse swiftly unpinning a few of her top buttons.

Breaking our kiss, I gaze down at the black laced bra she has on. Grinning with satisfaction, I push her skirt all the way up around her waist relishing in the view of her matching panties. "Did you plan this?" I inquire, staring up at her in perplexity.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." She states shaking her head, squealing when I grip her sides, applying pressure to my hold and pulling her forward as I laugh at her statement.

"I'm not even going to comment on that." I chuckle, sliding my fingertips under the thin waist lining of her underwear, swiftly pulling it down her legs and completely off her body. Licking my lips in anticipation, I groan inwardly when I feel my dick twitch. Shit, this is seriously like a guilty pleasure of mine. I'm fully aware we shouldn't be doing this but fuck it.

Noting how berry's eyes darken, clouding over with lust, I smirk, leaning forward to shift her bra so I can capture one of her nipples in my mouth. Sucking in air, she gaps slightly as I flick my tongue over her mounds, chuckling when she grips my waist, yanking me forward before her hands disappear inside my boxer-briefs.

Tensing under her grip, I heave slightly when I feel her cold hands connect to my erection. "Shit, no teasing Zara." I pant, allowing her to pull me out of my confinements. Giggling, she begins smoothing her hands up and down my shaft, my breath hitching in my throat. I'm seriously gone right now.

Not able to take her slow torturous strokes, I push her hand away parting her legs and wrapping them around my waist as I position myself at her entrance. "Ju..." She moans her voice fading as she holds my shoulders for support.

"What?" I hiss, rubbing my fingertips over her folds and clit, making sure she's ready for me. Damn, she's wet. I guess I'm not the only one who's seriously turned on right now.

"Oh god." She cries out, tilting her head back, giving me ample access to her neck which I greatly accept by latching my lips onto her hot flesh before I begin pushing my way in, swiftly easing into her.

Gasping, Zara's eyes widen as I slide all the way in, and I tense at how tight she is as her body writhes under my hold. She's literally suffocating me. "Fuck..." I hiss, instantly setting my pace as she begins moaning and cursing under her breath. "Goddamn," I mutter, swallowing hard as my thrusts immediately pick up, wanting to get us over the edge as quickly as possible. We are certainly going to hell for this.

"Uh Ju...god, faster..." she moans and I oblige growling loudly when I feel her walls constrict around me. Grabbing a bunch of her skirt, I pull her forward to get better access, watching as her eyes roll to the back of her head with how deep I'm going. Shit that's hot. That's so fucking hot.

Leaning forward, Zara haphazardly pushes my jacket off my shoulders, groping at my abs through my shirt as I continue to work us both skillfully, my movements rough and powerful.

"Oh my god, don't stop Justin...." She cries out, leaning back on her elbows while I keep my death grip on her waist, watching as she heaves, feeling the blood rushing through my dick with each thrust I make - her hip movements matching mine.

Then the fucking phone rings...

Darting my eyes over to the device, I groan as I pick up speed smiling when Zara grips the edge of my desk to steady herself. I can feel the heat building in my system and my clothes are beginning to stick to my skin as I start to sweat lightly, but I really don't give a...

When the ringing doesn't stop I bend my head, cursing under my breath. "Shit, why now?" I snap, my voice deep and raspy.

"Do...don't...an...answer it." Berry mutters, completely zoned out.

"Fuck!" I belt, slowing down my speed while glaring at the shrilling contraption. "I have to answer it Zara. I'm the fucking boss." I snap.

"Ugh No!" Seating up, she looks at me, her eyes pleading for me not to stop and shit, I don't want to but I don't want anyone coming knocking on my door either.

"I'm sorry berry. I'll make it up to you I promise." I sigh. Slowing down significantly until my movements come to a halt, I grip her hips, lifting her up off the desk as I walk around to my seat still inside of her.

"Oh my god Justin, you really are crazy." Zara laughs, latching unto my neck as her legs remain wrapped around my waist snuggly.

"Shhh." I silence her, chuckling a little before I seat on my chair with her, picking up the phone and placing it to my ears, fighting to control my breathing.

Clearing my throat, I put on my best voice possible. "Hello?"

"Mr. Timberlake?" Looking over at Zara, I stumble over my words when she begins kissing and licking on my neck.

"You smell good." She whispers in my ears and I can already feel myself hardening again inside her.

"Mr. Timberlake..." The person calls out again and I quickly divert my attention back to the phone.

"Uh yes, Tameka?" I choke out, trying to stop what Zara's doing to me. "Berry stop." I whisper to her before I hear Tameka saying something else.

"Mr. Rowland is here to see Miss Gilmore. She wasn't in her office. Is she with you?" Tensing my muscles, I grip the phone tightly as my heart rate speeds up. Pushing her head back, Zara begins staring into my eyes confused by my sudden mood swap.

"Hold on a minute Tameka." I reply, placing the phone on hold.

Locking eyes with Zara, I lift her off me watching as she whimpers when I slide out. Standing, I fix my pants up over my waist, pinning the button and pulling up the zipper before I buckle my belt then straighten my tie silently. Groping at my bulge I groan a bit. I'm going to end up with blue balls after this. I just know it.

"Justin what's..."

"Jeremy is here." I reply indignantly, watching as Zara's brows furrow and she scoffs. "Fix yourself up." I order, moving around to grab my jacket before I return to the phone.

Taking off the hold button, I can hear Tameka talking to the asshole in the background. "Tameka."

"Yes sir."

"Tell Mr. Rowland Zara's not available right now. Ask him to come back before closing hours." I spit.

"But sir."

"That's all." I reply curtly, putting down the phone in the process. Yeah, I'm a jerk. That side of me will never completely leave sadly.

Clenching my fist, I finally look over at Zara who's still fixing her skirt and blouse.

"Ok, Justin. I'm not going to get angry with what you just did considering I can handle my own shit. But, I am going to ask you what the deal with Jeremy is because I need to know." Zara states calmly and I sigh, signaling for her to take a seat.

"Ok, alright. But promise me you won't get angry..."

"Why would I..."

"Promise Zara." I demand and she nods quietly.

"Who is he working for now?" I inquire curiously.

"Uh, some artist at Universal. Not too sure who exactly." She admits with a light shrug.

"Ok, so I think you already know he's an asshole but honestly that's not even what you should be worried about really...."

****

Hours later...

I'm so angry right now, I can't even breathe right. I'm thinking about running Jer over with my car. That's really not like me so this is serious. I can't even believe what Justin told me. I actually laughed in his face and told him he was lying but his eyes were so cold and his stare was unrelenting. I knew he was serious. I'm a little worried about Jer though. I'm wondering what kind of mess he's in. He never shows there is something wrong. He's always so well put together. But after hearing about him and Justin's little encounter I'm not too sure.

My mind began racing with all these thoughts, possibilities and scenarios. I'm wondering if that was the reason he had to leave LA earlier than the rest of us some time ago. This is some umbrageous bullshit I don't even want a part in. I care about him. I honestly do, but I can't keep putting myself and Justin through this. I can't keep doing this. I just...I just need to let Jeremy go for my own good. It's what's best.

We're supposed to be heading over to Malcolm's soon, so I'm excited to see my brother.

It's been a long day though. I'm not unaware of the strange glances I've been getting from my fellow co-workers either. Some of them expressed their feelings over what happened to my bother. Others just stared at me. Some of the women here even cut their eyes at me. It's a little unnerving but I'm ignoring it. I guess they feel Justin has taken some liking towards me since I got promoted and they didn't. But, they honestly don't need to know anything other than I'm Yolanda's PA and Justin's assistant now.

But damn it! Even Jeffery Rush was uncomfortable with me when I went into the cafeteria for lunch today. He sat with me and talked but he kept looking around at everyone who was just gawking. Ugh, people can be so frustrating to deal with sometimes I swear.

Shaking my thoughts away, I begin packing up my things in my office, getting ready to leave for the day. I honestly thought Jeremy would return but I haven't seen him. I really would like to know what's going on with that man.

Shutting off my pc, I grab my purse and stand just as I hear a knock on my door.

Voicing enter, I watch as Yolanda makes her way in with Justin in tow. Smiling brightly, I switch off the power supply for the computer and move around my desk to come over to them.

"Ready to head out?" Yol smiles and I nod my head, staring over at Justin who's just smiling sheepishly. He's too cute for his own good. I still can't believe I finally told him how I felt. I feel like such a weight has been lifted. I just hope things can work out from now on. I'm really fighting for this now. I'm so tried of being timid, helpless Zara who everyone can walk over. I guess I'm finally starting to grow a backbone. Who knew?

"I have a radio interview tomorrow." Yolanda adds in with a giddy shriek. "It's going to be fun."

"Yeah, her schedule is finally up to date and fixed." Justin adds in. "We're scheduled to travel to New York for Christmas into New years." He supplies, chuckling when my eyes grow wide.

"What!?" I ask excitedly. "Are you shitting me?"

"No!" Yolanda says with just as much enthusiasm. "I've been in Justin's office whole afternoon working everything out with him and Mr. Wright on the phone. It's going to be great girl. We just came to let you know we'll be having a telephone conference meeting with Mr. Wright tomorrow and a few other executives and my crew so, you have to be there." Yolanda hops up and down and I can't help but blush massively when I replay what happened in Justin's office this morning. Uh, we're so bad.

"O...ok." I supply, my gaze never leaving Ju for a second.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets and swaying a bit, Justin bows his head so Yolanda won't pick up on the fact that he has the biggest grin on his face I've ever seen. Laughing, I shake my head in amusement, ushering them out of my office as we make our way to the elevators.

When we're finally out of Tennman, I breathe a sigh of relief. I knew after what happened to my brother and Justin returning things would be tense but I never expected them to be this bad.

Rolling my eyes, I briskly walk towards Justin's Mercedes since I came here with him this morning. I'm beginning to think that was a bad idea. I honestly don't like people gossiping about me. I'm beginning to feel a little on edge with the entire ordeal.

"Zara, hold on girl." Justin calls out to my retreating form, as I hear the alarm on his ride shut off with a beep. Listening for when the doors unlock, I quickly hop into the passenger side slamming the door shut just as he and Yolanda make their way over.

Yolanda silently gets into the back seat and Justin enters on the driver's side before he brings the ride to life, his engine purring as he pulls out of his reserved parking spot and out the compound of Tennman Records' Orlando branch. Huffing, I push back in my seat, still angry over this whole Jeremy thing.

Stealing glances at me, Justin sighs before diverting his gaze to Yolanda in the rear view mirror. "Berry what's wrong now?" he enquires in a deep drawl. "We're going to see Malcolm now, so don't worry too much ok?" He tries to reassure me but I don't want to hear it. I'm just so conflicted.

"I'm fine." I snap staring out of the window as Justin gets unto the highway.

Sighing, Justin doesn't bother to say anything else. I think he knows to just let me have my space so I can get over this. Yolanda is awfully quiet back there but all that is forgotten when my cell goes off.

Grabbing the device out of my purse, I quickly press the talk button holding the phone to my ears.

"Jahzara?" Comes a smooth, light voice with a thick Caribbean accent.

"Aunt Patrice?" I gasp, clutching the phone tightly.

Justin snaps his head in my direction focusing on me and the road at the same time.

Ignoring his glances, I listen intently to what my aunt is saying. If Malcolm knew I contacted her, he'd flip. They don't exactly get along or see eye to eye. He even blamed her for our parents death when they got into an argument some years ago, causing her to leave in tears. I don't even want to think about any of that.

"Yes hi. How are you?" She asks - her voice emotionless. What did I expect really?

"I...I'm fine." I look over at Justin who's giving me a worried stare as he stops at a red light. I haven't even told her about Malcolm. She probably wouldn't care.

"Good, well, I got that information you wanted about Christian. He's actually in England right now. How can I get the information to you?" She quickly rattles out as I hear a boy talking and laughing in the background. I'm assuming it's her son Jordon. I've never even seen my little cousin. I'm starting to remember why I never bothered keeping in contact with her. She can really be a coldhearted bitch sometimes.

"Is that Jordan?" I ask nosily.

Patrice takes in a deep breath before she replies. "Listen Jahzara, you asked me for a favor. I did not call to make small talk. How can I get the information to you?"

Groaning, I push back in my seat ready to hang up the phone in annoyance. I just don't understand how our own relative can dislike us so much. What did we ever do to her? It doesn't make any damn sense. "Uh..." Stuttering over my words, I turn my head in Justin's direction when I feel him grab my free hand squeezing it reassuringly to calm my nerves. Giving him a weak smile, I inhale deeply before responding. "Just, send it to Tennman Records in Orlando, FL. You know where that is right?" I ask.

"Is that where you work?" She inquires uncaringly.

"Uh yes."

"Fine, I will find the address and mail it to you. I need to attend to Jordon now. Goodbye Jazzy..." And just like that the line goes dead.

Exhaling lowly, I pout at the nickname she called me. I haven't heard that name in years. That's what my dad use to call me. I remember that much about him. Feeling a wave of tears sting the back of my orbs, I quickly wipe at my eyes willing away the waterworks when Justin announces our arrival at the hospital. I'm a little nervous with seeing Dr. Lake too. I'm wondering what she told Justin or what he told her for that matter.

Looking out the window at the sign that reads "Orlando General Hospital," I smile brightly while Justin drives us over to the parking lot section, passing one of the ambulances on our way. However, my happy mood doesn't last long when we pass Jeremy's ride. It's a black BMW. He has a thing for BMWs. I'd know the license plate anywhere too.

Just perfect. I was hoping to not have to deal with him so soon. I guess it's now or never.

But, why do I feel like this isn't going to turn over well for any of us?

*****

Quote by: Unknown

Orlando General Hospital...

Late Monday Afternoon...

And It All Falls Down

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." - Edna St. Vincent Millay

Oh god please let us come out of this unscarred.

"I can do this..." I mutter to myself as Justin, Yolanda and I make our way through the hospital doors of Orlando General. I instantly shiver at the change in temperature, the air condition hitting me dead on.

"You ok babe?" Justin whispers, grabbing my waist to draw me near. As he slings his arm over my shoulders, I nod in response knowing I should probably tell him I saw Jeremy's car which means he's here. "Ok, what do you say I make a quick swing by Dr. Lake's office and you and Yolanda can head over to see Malcolm still? I'll meet you there." Justin's lips slowly twitch into a smile for me and I just shake my head again too terrified to speak.

"God I hope I can do this..." I mumble causing him to frown just as we round the corner heading straight for the nurse's desk.

"Do what Zara? What's wrong with you? Why are you so fretful?" Justin inquires, eyeing me strangely.

"Um..." Darting my eyes around, I notice the bright florescent lights illuminating the hallways as various doctors, nurses and patients walk the halls.

"Hello berry?" Snapping his fingers in front of my face, Justin easily becomes sidetracked when we're finally at the nurse's desk for visiting patients and voicing emergencies among other things.

"Uh yes, we came to see Malcolm Gilmore and I'd also like to have a word with Dr. Lake if that's possible." Justin smiles kindly and the lady returns his gesture, sizing him up in the process. She's practically undressing him with her eyes like she'd swallow him whole or something. Please, don't make me throw up.

Moving out of his hold, I leave Justin talking to the ‘man predator' as I walk over to Yolanda taking a seat next to her. "You're awfully quiet Yol. Is everything ok?" I ask, touching her shoulders.

Giving me a large smile, Yolanda shakes her head yes, playing with her blonde locks, fluffing and fixing her hair around her face. "Despite the fact that I hardly ever see my parents because they're workaholics and my Gammy is the only person I have, I'm just great!" She says sarcastically. Oh no, do I even want to know this story? "But I think I'm just nervous to see Malcolm." Ok, that last part definitely made me raise a brow.

"What do you mean?" I enquire while arching a brow at her in curiosity.

"I just, don't like seeing people sick in the hospital. It always breaks me down you know? Just the whole sick, helpless thing and how weak and vulnerable the person is. It really gets to me." She says, blushing slightly.

"Uh...ok. But we all know Malcolm is going to be fine so..." Drifting off, I frown when she giggles at the mention of my brother's name.

Ok hold on a minute. I know this is not what I think it is. "Yol, by any chance and I'm just going to take a wild guess here, but, do you like Malcolm?" I inquire, immediately getting my answer when her eyes widen but her smile is still on her face as bright as ever. "Oh god..." I groan, smiling in the process. This should be interesting.

Lifting my head when I notice Justin coming over, he seems to be really uncomfortable. "What's up Ju?" I inquire.

"Please don't let that woman come near me." He whispers, shuddering in the process. Snickering, I look over in the nurse's direction who's still eyeing Justin. "From now on, you ask to see Malcolm." Justin chuckles before gripping my hand to pull me up. He then helps Yolanda to do the same.

Giggling, I roll my eyes at him before he leans down and places a light kiss on my lips.

"Um..." Yolanda interrupts while glaring at the two of us with a comical expression on her face as her greens twinkle under the bright lights. "You know what? I don't want to know." She laughs, walking ahead of us as Justin and I bust out laughing.

"Maybe we should lay off the PDAs. You know in any chance there are cameras around." I suggest, remembering the incident in the parking lot of the LA stadium some months ago. Looking over at Justin, he nods in agreement.

"Fine, but only until you're officially mine." He adds in wriggling his eyebrows, causing me to tense at his statement. I almost forgot I had to deal with Jeremy. "I'll meet you guys in there; I'm going to head over to Dr. Lake so we can set an appointment for you to visit her. The nurse said she only goes by appointments but since I was already here, she sent me in." Justin explains stopping in front of Malcolm's room with us.

"Ok." I reply, noticing Yolanda is just standing there glaring at the closed door in anticipation. Oh god, I think she has it bad too. When the hell did she even develop this crush on my brother? When Justin turns to leave, I quickly grab his arm to stop him. Whipping around to face me, he furrows his brows, passing his fingers through my hair, waiting for me to speak.

"J...Jer-emy..." I stutter, my nerves acting up.

"What?" Justin probes, his sudden annoyance evident by the mention of Jeremy.

"He's here. I saw his car in the parking lot and..." Cutting me off with a loud groan, Justin darts his eyes over to Malcolm's door.

Sighing, he bows his head, passing his hands through his hair again, tugging at the ends of the small curls. "Ok, just get in there and I'll be back as soon as I can." Justin supplies while turning around to leave again.

"But Ju..."

"Just do what I say Zara. It's a public place and he can be here; we can't stop him from seeing your brother. I'll deal with this when I get back." And just like that, Justin storms off in search of Dr. Lake.

I know for a fact he's not pleased with this. He's furious; I can tell. I'm a little scared at how calm he is about it. That can't be good.

"Oh god..." I moan, lifting my head to stare at Yolanda. "Let's head in Yol." I tell her, watching as she shrieks with excitement, swinging the door open and walking in.

Upon entering Malcolm's room, I know this is going to be a long ass visit. I'm only saying this because, not only is Malcolm glaring at me like he's ready to jump out of his bed and strangle me, but Drew, Jeremy and Trace are all giving me curious stares. I know, I'm wondering what the hell too...

"What the hell are you doing here Trace?" Yolanda asks, beating me to it.

Moaning in despair, I quietly shut the door, getting ready for the fireworks that I know are about to go off.

****

"Shit, shit, shit!" I mutter, storming over to Dr. Lake's office. "This is just fucking great. I'm not going in there...I'm not. I'll probably be sent to jail for attempted murder if I do..." I mumble again, stopping in front of Dr. Lake's door.

Rolling my eyes, I knock on the wooden barrier, twisting the knob and swinging it open when she voices enter.

Casually strutting in, I give her a tight smile before I plop down on one of the chairs with a huff. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill the asshole. Why the fuck is he even here?

"Justin..." Dr. Lake smiles for me, interrupting my thoughts. Lifting my head to stare at the aging woman I just scowl.

"Hey..." I sigh dejectedly. Maybe I should go and see what's going on in there. Jeremy, Malcolm and Zara in the same place is not a good idea. I'm wondering what Jeremy told Malcolm. I'm sure the asshole said something. Especially after he showed up at Tennman earlier today and didn't get to see Zara. I mean shit, it wasn't my fault. We were kind of...occupied when the phone rang. I would have let him see her but he just had some really bad timing. Yeah, I can't help but smile at the thought. I'm such an inconsiderate prick sometimes. But, that's just who I am and...

"Justin are you ok?"

"Huh?" Locking eyes with Dr. Lake, I slump my shoulders when she raises her brows at me in question.

"I asked you how you've been but I noticed you were just staring off into space." She jokes but it's not funny. I blame Zara for that.

"I...I could be better."

"Oh? Is it about Jahzara?" she asks knowingly but, I shake my head in disagreement.

"No...well sort of. We're fine...for now. I uh, had that talk with her like you suggested." I state nervously, shifting in my seat and tugging at my tie. Shit, I just need to get home and take a shower. Today's been a really hectic, tiring day since it was my first day back on the job. I had some serious damage control to do. Not to mention Jive and Johnny are on my fucking ass about this damn album and Yolanda. I'm so fucked right now.

"So what was the outcome?" She inquires.

"She uh, you were right. She...she's taking anti-depressants and weight loss pills." I admit - the painful realization of how serious this could get looming over my thoughts.

"As I suspected. How did she handle telling you?"

"It wasn't easy Doc." I laugh pitifully. "But, she's agreed to see you so I just wanted to know if we could set up some appointments?" I enquire hopefully.

"Well, we can do that. But, I also suggest she sees a psychologist. This is obviously a personal issue as well. I'm glad you convinced her to get some help. How about you all visit me twice a week? You can pick the days." She explains, grabbing what looks like a schedule journal from her desk.

"Uh, I'll have to ask Zara and get back to you on that. We're really busy and we're going to be traveling soon so..."

"That's fine. For when you're here, you can see me and I'll refer you to a psychologist as well. In the mean time, you all can discuss how to continue any treatment she may need when you're out of state. I'll let you get back to me about those days when you talk to her. Just give me a call." Dr. Lake states in a soft tone that actually sets me at ease.

Pushing back into my seat, I shake my head in approval before another thought begins to plague me... "Jeremy is here." I blurt out, not like Dr. Lake knows who he is.

"I'm sorry who?"

"Jeremy Rowland...he..."

"Oh Mr. Rowland? Yes, he came in earlier asking if it was ok to see Malcolm. He said he was an old friend." Lake explains and I can feel the blood boiling in my system.

"No shit..." I mumble under my breath but I know she heard me because she's giving me an askance look. "It's a long story doc but he and I don't get along too well." I divulge.

"Would you like me to accompany you to Malcolm's room? If you all are not friends I would prefer you controlled your behaviors. Malcolm doesn't need to be worked up." She explains while standing from her seat, fixing her overalls and I follow suit.

"Yeah that's fine." I shrug, escorting her to the exit of her office with me...

When we finally make it to Malcolm's room, both Dr. Lake and I exchange questionable glares. It sounds like a screaming fest is going on inside there. Do I even want to know what the fuck it's about? I'm sure I'm part of their chosen topic. I always am. I'm not being cocky, but, really, what's so interesting about me that people spend their time focusing on me like this? I'd rather be anywhere else but here right now. I'm not sure how well I can hold down my impulses when I see the bastard.

It's too late to bail now. I need to do this for berry and well Dr. Lake practically gripped my arm yanking me into the room with her when she swung the door open...

And just like that, silence takes over.

Holding my breath, I watch intently as all eyes instantly focus on us. In an instant, Zara whips around to face me and by her red puffy eyes, labored breathing and trembling hands, I know this can't be good. Frowning, I walk further into the room as silence still engulfs us. Scanning the many curious faces, I notice Yolanda is sitting next to Malcolm avoiding any type of eye contact. Trace is here and I'm wondering what the hell he's doing here. Then again, it did seem like he and Malcolm were cool now. Drew is just sitting down close to the hospital bed looking practically unfazed. It's good that there's another cop around because so help me god...

I think I can ignore smirking Jeremy long enough to realize that Malcolm's condition is the only thing keeping him from leaping on me or better yet, if he had his gun here, shooting me. Shit...

Clearing my throat uncomfortably, Malcolm arches his brows at me still completely mute. The moment I open my mouth to speak, Dr. Lake interrupts - thank god.

"So, how is my favorite patient doing?" She beams, walking over to Malcolm to check his vitals and whatever else it is that she does.

I'm sure she's aware of the tension radiating in the room. Damn it. This isn't going to turn over well. I can feel it.

Passing my hands over my growing hair, I sigh inwardly before my blues connect to Zara's hazels. She looks absolutely mortified. She's just standing there with her arms wrapped around her body like a timid little girl - the complete opposite of how she's progressed so much from the shy woman I once knew.

"Could you give us a few minutes alone Doc.?" Malcolm finally speaks and his tone is soft but firm.

"Malcolm..." Dr. Lake warns but he just waves her off.

"I need to have a talk with Mr. Timberlake if it's ok by you." He enforces and fuck that's not good at all.

"Fine. But if I hear any commotion inside here I'm sending in security." She explains.

"That won't be necessary; I'm here so I'll make sure nothing arises..." Drew interjects but Malcolm cuts him off.

"Actually, I'd only appreciate Zary and Jeremy here as well. I'd like everyone else to leave. We'll be fine I promise." Malcolm gives a tight smile and I can feel my pulse quicken. I honestly do not want to deal with this.

Obeying his wishes, everyone else easily files out of the room even though I can see the skepticism and worry on their faces.

The moment the door slams shut, my head whips in his direction, awaiting whatever verbal attack he has for me...

I have to say, I wasn't prepared to hear his next statement.

"I want you to fire Zary because she refuses to quit." Malcolm demands and I frown in surprise.

"Excuse me?" He has to be kidding here.

"You heard me Timberlake. Let's not do this the hard way. We're keeping this simple. I don't want you around my sister and the best way would be for her to not work for you anymore." He snaps and I can feel the anger slowly rising in my system.

"Obviously, you have this shit back to front." I spit out, ignoring Malcolm's death glares.

"Watch yourself..."

"No, you watch your fucking self Malcolm!" I hiss taking a step forward.

"Justin!" Zara scolds, but I'm ignoring her. I'm ignoring gym boy too because I swear if I even acknowledge his presence right now, I'll pummel him. All of this is his fault.

"White boy has lip. I'm impressed." Malcolm chides.

Clenching my fists, I take a few deep breaths. Blowing up is not going to solve anything. I need to be mature in this as much as I wish right now I could just inflict pain on Malcolm's fucking bullet wound to get him to listen to reason. Yeah that was evil to think but fuck it. Damn bodybuilding wannabe...

"Look, frankly, I do not give a fuck about what went down before I stepped in here. I also do not care to know what bullshit story Jeremy fed to you. I can tell you you're mistaken about the asshole whether he's your friend or not. Now, I'm not going to fire Jahzara because she's amazing at her job and Yolanda loves her. It's too much of a short notice to get her replaced and I have no intensions of replacing her." I smirk, giving Malcolm a challenging stare as he eyes me briefly before he darts his eyes over to Jeremy and Zara.

Poor old Jer looks a little uneasy now. Yeah, he better squirm. But why didn't Zara just call him out the moment she came in here? I'm guessing her brother didn't even give her a chance to speak.

"Justin..." Malcolm sighs. "Whatever bullshit lie you're trying to use to save your ass is pointless. I've made my decision and Zara can't fight me on this."

"She has a mind of her own you know." I retort, crossing my arms over my chest and furrowing my brows in confusion when Zara says absolutely nothing. She's just standing, crying silently. You know, I'm now starting to realize just how big of an influence her brother has on her. She's not going to go against her only close family member is she? Not after everything they've been through together growing up. Shit...

"Ok Justin, this ends now. I do not like you for many reasons I will not fully disclose. The point is you and your lifestyles are not for my sister. I will not have her up on some kind of chopping block in the public's eye. She has been through enough and really, I just don't believe you care enough to put up with the speculation you'll surely receive if the two of you were in any type of relationship. Now Zara says you're not and there is no type of secret affair going on. Trace and Yolanda agreed with her but they are your friends and I think they're all full of shit. And she's my little sis, so, I believe her even though Jeremy and I think differently. But, I swear to god, if I find out she's lying and you're trying to get with her I'll shoot you myself." Malcolm hisses and I swallow hard, taking a step back. I think he holds good to his threats.

Thinking about it, I can't possibly have any chance with Zara if her brother hates me. That would be a major obstacle between us because I know she loves him unconditionally and she'll feel torn between the two of us. I can't let that happen. As much as I love her, I'm not going to put a wedge between their relationship. Shit I just want that asshole Jeremy out of the picture...

"Cat got your tongue now Timberlake? Look if you'll just fire her then..."

"Shut up!" Zara finally screams out, shocking us all. I even forgot she was there. "Shut up Malcolm! I'm not quitting and Justin is not firing me! You're so wrong! I'm so sick and tired of all this shit! Justin is the one that was there for me and cared enough when I was in my depression states, even if he was part of it. God, you're so blind! I love you Malky and I know you're only trying to protect me but god! Justin isn't the bad one here, Jeremy is!" Zara continues to scream in a high pitched tone and I'm a little stunned by her outburst.

Still, with that pipe she has, I can't help but wonder what she sounds like singing. I know I'm drifting here, but I do remember a certain cookout at my home the night before we left for LA when I came out by the pool and heard her singing this really depressing song. She has a beautiful voice. I'm thinking I'd like to hear her sing again. Hmmm...

"Zary stay out of this." Malcolm warns, sitting up in his bed and resting his back against the headboard.

"No! You listen to me Malcolm. Jeremy is not who any of us thinks he is. He's an abusive drug dealing jerk!" She wails, heaving in the process. Oh shit...

Here we go...

Ding, ding, ding...

"What?" Malcolm asks clearly dumbfounded.

I watch in slow motion as Jeremy's head snaps in Zara's direction and then to me before he storms over to her, but, I'm quicker and I block his path. Please give me a reason to hit you...that's all I'm asking here.

"Don't." I warn him, putting my hands on his chest to push him away. Reversing, he smacks my hand away and I roll my eyes in annoyance. It's taking everything in me to not punch him right now.

"What the fuck did you tell her?" Ah, the asshole finally decides to speak but I'm not going to answer his question.

"He told me everything Jer! You're an asshole. I trusted you. I fucking loved you..." Zara snaps and I can't help but feel slightly hurt by that notion. How is it, that I never knew her feelings for him went that deep? And why is it so much easier for her to say?

"Look Zara..." Jeremy tries to reason but I block his view of her.

"Explain to Malcolm, not Zara. She knows all she needs to know." I cut him off watching as he narrows his eyes at me.

"Yes, this is new Jeremy. Please tell me Justin and Zara are lying. Because you told me Justin was trying to take her away from you just because he wanted to get in her pants and that he didn't care for her the way you did. You made him out to be a monster here but I'm not so sure anymore..." Malcolm speaks calmly, even yawning in the process. Well, he's handling this maturely. I was sure there would be a full out war in here.

"He's lying." Jeremy defends and I huff.

"I am? What about the night I showed up at your place and..."

"Shut the fuck up Justin! You know, you've been nothing but a pain in my ass and you can bet I'm going to put an end to it one way or another." He threatens as his eyes widen and his nostrils flare, but I don't care about any of that.

"Ugh!" Zara huffs while sending her arms up in the air in defeat. "Malcolm, I didn't want to tell you this but Jeremy hit me. He placed a big black shiner right on my cheek a few weeks after we returned from LA because he was jealous of Justin! You were always gone and I always hid it under a ton of makeup so you wouldn't notice it. Plus, when I went over to Jer's house the same night, he was high out of his right mind. I've never seen him like this. I thought Justin was lying about the encounter he had with him but I remembered that faithful night. I remembered it and knew Justin wasn't lying. Are you going to believe me or Jeremy?" Zara inquires giving her brother a challenging stare.

All I can do is watch in awe as she defends me yet again. This is certainly new. This is what, the second time? The first time was when her brother was shot last week and Jeremy tried to take her home. I could get use to this. Smiling lightly, I just smirk for Jeremy who's still breathing hard, trying to regain his composure.

"You hit my sister Rowland?" Malcolm morphs instantly and I can see the fury spitting out of his eyes as he glares at Jeremy. Yeah, I'm happy he's bed-ridden right now.

"Look... Malcolm I..."

"Save it!" Malcolm raises his hands in the air to shut him up. "I've heard enough and I'm really too fucking weak and tired to deal with this. The point is neither of you are good enough for my sister. So, I'm sorry but I don't want any of you around her. You're fucking her up royally and I can tell. Even if she thinks I haven't noticed I have."

Ok I was not expecting that!

"What!?" Jeremy screams boisterously and I just shake my head pitifully. Malcolm not liking me and not wanting me around Zara isn't going to stop me. It has to take a little more than that. Like him holding a gun to my head for instantce.

"No Malcolm you can't do that." Zara interrupts as we all stare at her in question.

"And why not?" He asks smoothly.

"Well, Jeremy he...he can go because well I..." Turning to Jeremy, Zara sighs inwardly. "Jer, I should have done this a long time ago and I'm sorry for everything we went through but I guess, I guess we got together for all the wrong reasons. This is the worse possible way for me to be doing this now but I can't take it anymore. I know I went with you for all the wrong reasons and after learning what I've learnt about you, even if it's not in detail and none of us really know what's going on with you, it's better this way if we don't see each other anymore." And she said that all in one breath too. Wow...

"Are...are you fucking shitting me?!" Jeremy belts as he walks towards Zara but I shoot him a glare and he stops abruptly, his eyes harboring a crazed glow. "You're going to take Justin's side over mine?"

"It's not that hard Jer." Zara quips, moving from behind me to face him. Damn she's feisty too.

"Ok enough!" Malcolm voice booms out. "I've had enough of this childish game of tag and chain. Jeremy stay away from my sister bro. we were cool but family comes first and I will not hesitate to kill for her. You crossed the line and misused our friendship so it's dead. And you..." Malcolm points at me with a maniacal glimmer in his eyes. "Don't get too comfortable because I do not like you Justin and it will be a cold day in hell for you to convince me otherwise. You're not healthy for her and as long as there is breath in my body, I will not condone anything going on between you two." Drifting off, he stares at his sister who's still giving Jeremy the evil eye. "Now, Zary I thought you told me that you hate Timberlake with every fiber of your being and he's nothing but a heartless jerk of a boss?" Malcolm is giving her a questionable glare as she whips in our direction and...wow! Wait, hold on...say what?

****

"Huh?" I ask stupefied by Malcolm's last statement. Oh god. Oh no. No...I didn't mean that! That was when Justin and I were fighting. That was when I was battling with my feelings towards him because all we ever did was fight! I had to talk to someone. I had to talk to my brother. I had to vent for him. When I returned from LA we sat and spoke of my trip. I was still so confused. I told him everything that happened over there. I told him every nasty thing Justin did and said to me. I was so angry and hurt because he was with that bitch Mallory and...I was confused!

Oh no. By the shocked and hurt look on Justin's face I know this is horrible.

"Well that's what you said isn't it?" Malcolm probes and I could have sworn Jeremy just snickered. That jerk! "You told me he was a replica of Christian and that you could never get past that no matter how hard you tried. You even stated that it was only your job that allowed you to tolerate him and be in the same room with him because you just couldn't stand him. Are you telling me that was all a lie Zary?" Malcolm has a knowing glare on his face. I know what he's doing. He's trying to get under Justin's skin. He knows damn well I don't feel that way anymore.

"She said what now?" Justin chokes out in a light whisper, connecting his blues to mine.

"Justin I didn't..."

"She said she hated you Justin. Get over it. Obviously she's only dealing with you because she has to. It's not like she loves you or anything." Malcolm successfully adds salt to the wound because Justin is blinking rapidly now and by the glossy look in his eyes, I know he's fighting back the waterworks. "I mean, she knows to stay away from you and I won't have it any other way and that's final."

Damn it! "Malcolm stop! You don't know anything that's happened between us!" I cry out.

"I know enough to know that you're delusional if you think you're in love with him. You're scared Zary. You loving someone has never been easy. You're just scared. You need to heal and love yourself first before you can love anyone else in that manner." He snaps back and I cringe when I hear Justin blow our air loudly.

"But you're so wrong because I do lo..."

"Did you really say those things?" Justin cuts me off and I think his hurt is slowly evolving into anger.

"What? Justin..." But he cuts me off again.

"Just answer this Zara. If you did say them, did you mean them? Do you still think of me that way? Because as much as we fought, I never once thought of you in that light or said anything like that about you. As much as we've been through, I never meant any hateful word I may have accidentally spewed out of my own jealously and hurt. But, I'm thinking you meant every word of whatever you said to your brother didn't you?" Justin inquires and I'm speechless. God the look in his eyes is of pure disarray. He's completely disoriented now, trying to make sense of everything.

I, I can't lie to him. I did say those things. I did mean them when I said them. I thought I hated him once upon a time. He can't honestly blame me for it. I mean, he knows now what I had to endure in my past. He should understand, but, he'll never understand will he? He'll never understand because he's never experienced what I have.

"Zara..." Justin sighs. "Why won't you answer me?" He begs, still searching my eyes for his answer.

I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to hurt him further than he's already hurting. This isn't even fair. It's not. Ugh, I do not like my brother right about now. Both he and Jeremy are just glaring interestingly. They're not helping the situation.

"You don't deserve an answer." Jeremy spits out under his breath in a condescending manner and god, I think that did it for Justin.

That definitely set him off.

Whipping his head in Jeremy's direction, Justin storms over to him gripping his shirt and slamming him down on one of the metal tables, hovering over with a deranged look in his eyes. "Why are you even still here when Zara just broke up with you?" he snaps, his eyes widening in rage.

Slapping my hands over my mouth, I just stare at the scene going on in front of me. I've never seen Justin this riled up before. It's a little terrifying to witness.

"Justin..." Malcolm warns, gripping the device for the nurse button getting ready to press it. "Don't!" he warns, groaning in pain when he shifts in his bed.

"Relax dude. It's not like you're with her now." Jeremy shoots back cattily at Justin.

"No shit! And it's your fucking fault!" Justin shouts malevolently before he grips one of the surgical knives on the table placing it under Jeremy's neck in a fit of rage.

"Justin!" I gasp, rushing over to them just as Malcolm presses the nurse button.

"Zara stay away from them." Malcolm orders while coughing lightly.

"But..."

"Do as I say!" he orders. "Now Justin, it's not worth it. You're doing this out of anger and in front of an officer or have you forgotten?" Malcolm speaks calmly, putting his negotiation skills to work like he was trained to do. God I love my brother but now is not the time for this. Justin looks like he'd kill Jeremy if he says the wrong thing.

"Get your hands off of me." Jeremy groans, sucking in air when Justin's hold on his neck tightens.

"Give me one reason asshole." Justin spits out vehemently, pressing the knife into Jeremy's flesh and causing him to wince in pain and oh god please...

"Justin are you nuts? Stop this craziness." I whimper out, approaching them carefully.

Groaning in annoyance, Justin suddenly drops the knife pulling Jeremy to stand, still gripping his neck tightly. The object makes a clinging noise when it connects to the table and I breathe out a sigh of relief. I honestly thought he was going to...

"That's what I thought Timberlake. I knew you didn't have any balls. You're just pussy whipped." Jeremy cracks and really, he's in no position to be cocky or disrespectful right now. Hearing him talk like that disgusts me. I can't believe I was willing to choose him over Justin once. What the hell was I thinking?

Letting out a low, malicious chuckle, Justin cocks his head to the side before he lets Jeremy go.

In the blink of an eye and clearly catching us all off guard, Justin balls up his fists and throws his hand back, before he swings with all his pent up rage hitting Jeremy square in the nose with a powerful blow. I watch in horror as Jeremy falls to the floor in pain, gripping his face as he cries and screams out profanities.

Seconds later, the door busts open and a swarm of nurses and security guards file in. Backing away from the chaos, I'm still holding my breath as I notice Drew, Trace, Yolanda and Dr. Lake rush in as well.

"What happened here?" Dr. Lake asks sternly while glaring at Jeremy who's still on the floor nursing his wound. I can see some blood dripping unto his plaid shirt and I'm thinking Justin may have broken his nose.

"That psycho hit me!" Jeremy chokes out through gasps.

Turning to face Justin, Drew gives him a disappointed look. "Justin I can't let that slide. Assault and battery is a serious offence." Drew explains but Malcolm protests.

"Leave him alone Drew." Malcolm demands and Drew just shrugs uncaringly doing as he's told. I hear Jeremy scream out a ‘what' but I'm not paying attention to him. Uh, ok?

Shaking his hand and rubbing at it gently, Justin refrains from making any eye contact or any sound for that matter as he slowly inches his way to the door.

"Nurses please attend to Mr. Rowland." Dr. Lake voices and they quickly follow her orders. "Now do I need to have security escort any of you out or is everything under control?"

"We're fine Doc." Malcolm assures, stretching out his limbs before scratching at his chest. I really do not like my brother right now for as much as I love him and would have taken his bullet for him. Dr. Lake lets out an exasperating sigh before she looks over at Jeremy contemplating on whether to attend to him or Malcolm first I'd assume. She finally gives in and moves over to Jer since he's being such a big whiny baby.

"What the fuck happened?" Trace finally decides to speak, since he was just staring at us dumbfounded from the moment he stepped foot back into the room.

"Nothing interesting." Malcolm smiles deviously and god, my brother is a freaking con artist! I guess since he couldn't do it himself he allowed Justin and Jeremy to ‘take a go at it'. Ugh!

"I'll say..." Justin mumbles, almost out the door.

"Ju wait!" I call out to him, brushing past Trace and Yolanda who are still at a lost for words. They're just standing there looking at everyone, trying to fathom what really went down. I don't blame them. I mean, Justin almost slit Jeremy's throat when he snapped.

"Don't Zara." He pushes me away when I try to touch him before he steps into the hallway under the blinding bright lights.

"But Justin..." I follow him out, shutting Malcolm's door behind me, tuning out all the chattering and questions.

"Just shut up Jahzara! I've heard enough lip from your brother for the both of you. I don't need to hear whatever sob story you're going to spit too." He lashes out venomously and I shut my eyes at his hurtful words. I guess I deserved that.

Inhaling deeply, I flutter my eyes open to stare into his crystal blues noting the coldness in them. I guess what Malcolm said really hurt him, but, he should know I don't feel that way anymore. I mean I told him I loved him for goodness sake. Doesn't that count at all?

"Ju..."

"Look berry, I don't want to hear it. Believe me when I say that I love you. And, I'm willing to fight the fucking world to be with you if anyone was to object about us being together. Because trust me when I say, if we were to go public with any type of relationship we build, your life and privacy is going to be ripped away from you. Now, with the progress we were making I honestly thought that you might be strong enough to withstand it, but..." Drifting off, he rubs his palms over his face and I can tell this is killing him inside, but, he has no idea how his words are destroying me right now. "Shit, just...give me a minute. I don't even know what the fuck I'm thinking right now. I just need some time to digest all of this." He admits - omitting the last part of his statement that I'm sure had something to do with us not being together.

"Please, I'm sorry I didn't..." I whimper when he growls harshly.

"Would you just shut the fuck up? Damn it! Just give me a fucking minute! Don't make me say shit I'll regret Zara because I swear, I'm this close to saying fuck everything!" Justin hisses with a scowl on his face as he tenses his muscles "Damn it Zara." He sighs when he looks at me, his gaze softening immensely. "I can't be here right now. I need some space to breathe. I need to think about this. I'll see you at work tomorrow. We'll talk then. Get Trace to bring you all home or back to his place." Justin rambles out, turning on his heel to leave and I'm still just standing there feeling slightly flabbergasted.

"Don't go." I whisper out, causing Justin to stop dead in his tracks with his back facing me.

"I. Can't. Stay..." He retorts crisply, never once turning to face me before he continues his journey down the hospital hallways disappearing into the many moving bodies...

And guess what? I'm still standing there on the verge of tears because I have no idea what's going through his mind right now.

It just isn't fair! "I can't do this. I can't do any of this...I can't handle it." I whimper while hugging myself before the door to Malcolm's room swings open revealing a perturbed Trace.

"Hey Zar-bear. Where's Jay?" Trace gingerly walks up to me, encircling his arms around my waist before he pulls me into his embrace. I think he knows the answer to his question but I'll entertain him.

"He's gone." I sigh as I feel my tears breaking through the surface threatening to spill down my cheeks. And they do. The moment I blink, they fall down to my lips, allowing me to taste their saltiness.

"He'll come around don't worry. But, we need you back in there. Jeremy insists on pressing charges but Malcolm isn't cooperating. You were the only other witness and Drew needs you to tell him what happened." Trace coos while skimming my back, clearly irritated with this whole dilemma.

"Ugh! Why doesn't Jeremy just drop dead?" I belt in frustration.

"Trust me when I say I wish the same thing. But, he seems to be convinced that you're still his and you will be when you realize what a mistake you made with Justin. I think he's insane. Just go in there and get Justin off the hook. I'm not sure what happened but I'm sure Jeremy deserved it." Trace snickers, causing me to giggle as well though I know I shouldn't.

"You're evil Tracey-poo." I muse as I pull away from our embrace to give him a weak smile.

"You'll be fine and Justin will come around. When you need to talk I'm here." He chimes and I nod my head in agreement before he escorts me towards the room.

"Hey Trace?"

"Yeah?" He looks at me expectantly and I can't help but smile brightly.

"I finally told Justin how I feel." I divulge.

"It was obvious with how he seemed so content and beaming the last two or so days." He shrugs and I just slap his arm playfully. "So have you two done the funky-monkey yet?" He wriggles his eyebrows at me and god, my heart is hurting but he's making me laugh. Trace really is a godsend.

"Oh my god, you're so nosy. That is none of your business."

Clicking his teeth together, Trace just eyes me before he busts into a large comical grin. "Yeah you guys did!" he says knowingly and I can't help but roll my eyes at him.

"Whatever." I blush despite myself.

"You're blushing." He whispers to me, swinging the door open and yanking my arm to pull me in with him.

"Shut up!" I belt, feeling slightly embarrassed and shy.

"Ha! Yeah, Justin has that effect on women."

"Ugh!" I scream out in annoyance, though, I'm glad Trace is trying to lighten the situation and make me feel better. He really is an amazing friend.

Not saying anything else, he drags me with him back into Malcolm's room. I really don't want to be here right now. I do not want to deal with the questions and lecture from my brother. I'd rather be with Justin wherever he disappeared to in his distraught state. God, I hope he's ok. I guess I'll have to wait till tomorrow to find out.

Still, I can't help but gaze down the busy hallway in the direction that Justin disappeared just moments earlier. Unfortunately, my vision is blocked off when I'm regretfully pulled into the hospital bedroom and the door slams shut behind us...

Next Day...Early Tuesday Afternoon

Tennman Records...

Orlando, Florida...

"Be With Me"

"I guarantee it won't be easy. I guarantee that at one point or another, one of us is going to want to leave. But, I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I am going to regret it for the rest of my life, because I know in my heart, you are the only one for me."

It's been the hardest night of my life. Shit, I nearly up and left again but I couldn't. I have too many responsibilities to drop everything over what went down last night. I never thought I'd think this but I honestly for a spilt second was wishing I never met or even hired Zara in the first place. That's messed up right? Yeah, it is. I took it back instantly though. She's probably the worst and best thing that's happened to me in years. But, I was so angry I couldn't even think straight. I wanted to strangle Malcolm in his fucking hospital bed and I wanted to seriously slash Jeremy to pieces. I startled my own damn self at the homicidal thoughts that were swimming in my mind. I had to get out of there.

So, I drove around Orlando for a while. Then, when I reached home and saw the clothes Zara left there from the night before, I cried. I cried like a damn baby because I was so fucking frustrated with everything we've been through. I haven't even seen her today. I don't know how she did it, because our offices are on the same floor, but, she's been inconspicuous for the entire day. I miss her. And really, I don't give a fuck about what her brother or ‘gym boy' thinks. I'm not letting her go that easily. Not after everything we've been through. I've thought about it and I refuse to let this end before it even starts because Malcolm is an ignorant overprotective asshole and Jeremy is a psychopath. Yeah I said it.

I can't even think about any of this right now. I have an album and an artist to take care of. I've been sitting in my office deep in thought like this since lunch was over. I'm not sure what my employees know, but, they've been really edgy with me and it's almost like they're afraid to even talk to their own boss. I really do not care to think about any of that. Our telephone conference with Johnny starts soon so whether or not Zara wants to be here, I'm going to see her in a minute. Plus, I changed the meeting up a bit where only Yolanda, Zara and I will be speaking with him instead of having the other executives here with us. It's better this way.

Snapping my head up when I hear a knock on the door, I instantly voice enter. A large smile plays across my lips when Yolanda struts in.

"You look nice Yolanda." I grin for her taking in the green dress she's wearing that literally makes her eyes stand out.

"Thanks Justin. I just came out from training with Blake a while ago and stopped to get ready before I came down here since I have that radio interview to do after." She explains and I nod, taking in her form. I'd be lying if I said Yolanda wasn't an attractive woman but she's just so spoilt I swear, she really is a handful.

Standing to greet her, I offer her a seat before I reclaim mine. Shifting to get more comfortable, I tug on the tie of my grey business suit. I'm always putting that damn thing too tight around my neck.

Grabbing my stack of papers that I prepared for our meeting agenda today, another knock sounds on the door before it eases open.

Watching intently, I grab the telephone getting ready to call Johnny when she walks in holding her head down.

It's Jahzara.

She looks really out of it. I'm wondering what happened when I left last night. I know it wasn't anything good. Still, she looks cute in her beige pant suit. It's hugging her in all the right places. That's a far stretch from the baggy shit she used to wear. But, I'm not blind to her slimming figure. I still think she looks sick and I fucking hate that. It actually hurts you know? Because this is telling me that she's not as strong as I thought she was. She's still weak. I mean, she's willing to put her life in danger just to be an accepted weight. She's not even in the center of Hollywood yet and this is destroying her. I'm happy I know now why she's like this but it doesn't make things better. If anything, I feel terrible for when I was such a jerk to her. I can only imagine how that further inflicted pain to her wounds. I'll never stop apologizing for that but, at least we've gotten past that. I think. You know, it doesn't matter. Fuck what Malcolm said. I'll make this right. I...I have to. I can't have us like this anymore. God, but, she's still so beautiful though, even if she doesn't think too much of herself. I'll show her...I'll make her see that she's worth loving. I...I think I can do that. Shit, she's still my strawberry no matter what...

"Zara!" Yolanda beams, getting up to embrace her in a hug before she pulls her to take a seat with us.

I'm still eyeing berry interestingly, wondering when she's going to look up and make any type of eye contact. She can't sit through this entire meeting with her vision cast downwards can she?

"Zara..." I voice and she instantly snaps her head up. Her hazels meet my blues for a brief moment and I can see the worry laced in her features. Well, that was easy. She must really be wondering what's up with me since I left last night. I give her a small smile and she exhales loudly.

"Hey." She smiles weakly and I nod, picking up the receiver and dialing Johnny's number.

This is solely business. I'll deal with her later. Right now, we just need to get this meeting out of the way...

After a few rings, Johnny animatedly answers with a loud ‘hello.' Shaking my head in amusement, I look over at Zara and Yolanda who's bouncing excitedly in her seat.

"Hey Johnny." I voice, putting on the speaker phone so everyone can hear him.

"Hey guys! Are we on now?" He inquires and he receives a series of ‘yes.' "Great, well firstly how is my favorite PA?" He croons and I watch as Zara's eyes light up.

"I'm fine Mr. Wright." She says politely as I push back in my seat and cross my arms over my chest.

"Good and call me Johnny Jahzara. I think we can get past all of these formalities." He explains and her eyes widen as she darts them over to me.

Chuckling to myself, I can't help but drift back to a certain point in time when I said that to her and this was practically her same reaction. She was really stunned when I told her to call me Justin instead of Mr. Timberlake. I think that was the day when her car wouldn't start and I offered her a ride home from work. I think I can finally admit that I did it for purely selfish reasons. I mean, yeah I helped a fellow co-worker out. But, I wanted to spend a little time with her to try to figure out why I was so intrigued with her and almost smitten, though at that time, I would have never admitted it. She seemed so shocked. It was sweet ...

**** Flashback****

Shutting off the car at the front of the leasing office, I turn to look at her as she gathers her stuff opening the door to exit. "Thanks for the ride home Mr. Timberlake." She smiles, before she exits shutting the door.

"You're welcome Zara. Hey, did you make up your mind about the job offer?" I bend forward to look at her as she leans over the window in thought.

"I guess I'll take it. But I want to discuss it with my brother first."

"That's fine, just tell me your final decision and I'll have you sign those documents."

"Ok, well bye Mr. Timberlake. See you at work tomorrow." She waves at me as she moves away from the ride when I start it up again.

"Bye Zara....oh and Zara?" I call out to her retreating form. Turning to face me, she nods for me to continue. Sticking out my head from the window I grin at her. "Call me Justin from now on ok?" I state before I wink at her and drive out of the compound not waiting to see her reaction or hear a reply. If I'm right, she's probably still standing in that same spot as clueless as ever by my statement. Watching through the rear-view mirror I realize I'm right. Chuckling to myself, I shake my head as I turn up the radio pulling out of the complex and unto kirkman, so I can head home for a well deserved nap as Neyo's "You make me better" blasts through my speakers...

****End of Flashback****

Bowing my head in thought, I can't help but chuckle by that memory. God, even then she was cute. Jesus, what's happening to me?

Snapping my head up when Yolanda clears her throat, I stare at her oddly before she points to the phone.

It's then that I realize Johnny is calling out to me. Oh shit...

Staring at Zara, I give her sheepish grin before I straighten my posture.

"Uh...yeah Johnny." I cough slightly to clear my throat before I hear Zara giggling. "What?" I whisper to her, ignoring whatever Johnny is saying now.

"Now who's the one daydreaming?" She whispers back with a snort.

Arching a brow at her, I just roll my eyes playfully. "I blame you." I retort with a smile.

"Blame me for what Justin?" Johnny inquires and that just makes me laugh harder.

"What? Oh it's nothing Johnny. I'm sorry I was distracted." I state while narrowing my eyes at Zara who's blushing massively.

Well I guess whatever happened last night be damned. You'd swear nothing happened and we didn't have any issues to deal with right now with the way we're acting. I've always liked that berry and I could push shit behind us and pretend like it's nothing when it's such a big deal. It's like we have this temporary fix for everything. Now, that's a characteristic that's rare. So, for both of us to have it, that's pretty cool.

"So, like I was saying Justin. We have the studio dates set up here in Orlando for after thanksgiving. You and Yolanda will be spending most of your Christmas and New Year's time in the studio. Timbaland agreed to fly down to work with you all. Also, once you two get your next single out, you'll be flying to NY during New Years for promotions, interviews and to work with some of the producers in NY to get the album finished in time for touring. You also mentioned about Esmee, so that is good." Johnny explains and I look over at Yolanda who's deep in thought absorbing everything he's saying. Zara on the other hand looks petrified. Well, she should have expected at some point that our lives were going to be this way. We have a rising star to deal with. That's expected.

"Now, what I want to clear up is the dates. You all will be heading to NY two days after Christmas which is the 27th. I thought it was only fair to let you have Christmas. When in NY, you'll finish up the albums and do all the promotional stuff you need to get out of the way. We've also agreed to have the album release party up there as well so we'll work out the details. Now Justin, what I need to know from you is when you have that vacation time set." Johnny states and I think for a minute before I look over at Yolanda and Zara. Initially, my plan was to take Zara alone with me, but with all the work we're going to be doing, I think everyone needs that break.

"I was thinking ten weeks after the albums are done before the release party, to just free up before the chaos starts and the touring schedules need to be set up, but, since I disappeared for like a month already and everything is behind schedule, a month would do." I shrug, even though he can't see me. I notice Zara shift in her seat when I say this. Well, I mean, ok that was a bad time for us and I couldn't deal with it so I left, but, I'm over it. If anything, I'll make her feel better about it. Christmas won't be completely about work if I can help it.

"Ok, that's wise. We can work around that. So, between what times next year? I need to schedule this in. Also I'll finalize with Jive, but, Trace and Zara will have to get your plans in order here since they are your assistants for this little vacation. Just let me know what you've decided and where you are heading with some contact information on how to reach you."

"That's fine Johnny." I nod in agreement. "I was thinking just after my birthday. By then, we'll have all the songs done for the albums because we laid down some good vocals in LA so we're already part of the way there. I think that will give us the month of February for our little getaway." I suggest with a light snicker.

"I take it you are bringing the whole crew? Well that's fine. I'll get right to it. Now how's Yolanda doing? Is her schedule fixed?" Johnny inquires and I gesture for Yolanda to answer him herself.

"Oh uh, it's great Johnny. I have a radio interview in a few minutes talking about my upcoming album so I'm excited." She beams and I smile proudly when Johnny gives her his praises.

"That's fantastic. I'm sure Jahzara is proud as well. I know I am with how well I've been told she was doing." Johnny coos and Zara gives me a questionable glare. I just shrug it off with a cheeky grin.

Frowning, she cuts her eyes at me before she answers Johnny. "I'm getting there." She muses, causing all of us to laugh.

"Well then, I think we have covered everything. When all of this is done, we'll discuss tour next year which I've worked out for June. I have to go, time is limited. We'll be in touch Justin and have a good day ladies. Bye." Johnny states - quickly saying his goodbyes.

"Ok, thanks John, I'll see you." I say before I hang up the line. "Well that went well." I state, pushing back in my chair to eye Yolanda and Zara.

"Yeah, it went...great! Listen are you two ok?" Yolanda suddenly asks shocking both Zara and me.

"Yol..." Zara warns but she cuts her off with a wave of her hand.

"Look I know what happened last night. I'm just saying that I hope you all can work it out. Don't let a few people keep you apart. Respect their advice and opinions but do what's best for you, not them. It's your lives." She divulges and just wow. Yolanda has her moments. She does, but, this is just...she's a doll.

"Uh, yeah uh, thanks Yolanda." I say nervously while rubbing the back of my head.

"Good well listen, I'm going to head down to that interview. My bodyguards are down by the front desk waiting. I'll be fine and you all will hear how it goes. I don't need Zara with me. Just...work it out please?" She begs, before she stands on her feet.

When I stand along with her, she shoots me a look to tell me she's ok. "I'm fine Justin. I'll see you all soon." She explains before she gives Zara a quick hug and tells me bye.

We're still just sitting there watching her in astonishment before she whips around to make her last statement. "Oh and Zara? I'll be stopping by the hospital to give Malcolm a visit. I know you won't be there today after everything that went down, so, I'll let him know you're ok." She explains and Zara nods in response before she swings the door to my office open, swiftly making her exit.

When the door slams shut and we're left alone, I exhale deeply before I just pull out my tie from around my neck completely.

"Can I have the rest of the afternoon off?" Zara finally breaks the awkward silence in the room and I stare at her strangely.

"What? But..."

"I've had to deal with all the cold shoulders, hard looks and gossiping for today. Plus, Jeffery told me your employees think there is something going on with us. Now, I know that's true, but, I'm not ready for any of them to know. I've had all I can take for one day. I just...I've had a really rough day and if I could just get some time to compose myself, I'd really appreciate it. I'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning with no glitches." She pleads as I notice her eyes glazing over with tears.

"Wait, berry listen..."

"No it's fine Ju. I know you said we'll talk about this today but, I'm not ready yet Justin. I'm not ready to hear what I know you're going to say. I just want you to know I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry for everything. But, I can't be here in this state right now. I won't get any work done and I just..." Choking on her statement, I watch as a few tear droplets slide down her cheeks and fall unto her beige suit.

"Zara no don't...don't cry it's ok. Look it's ok alright? Just...do what you need to do. Take the rest of the day off. You'll still get paid don't worry..." I assure, but, she shakes her head rapidly while wiping at her tears furiously.

"No Justin. I don't need to be paid if I don't work. Please don't take any favors with me. I'm going home." She enforces, standing on her feet to leave.

"What, back to Trace's? I still want to talk to you berry." I speak softly, feeling a little hurt that she's avoiding me now.

"I know. I'm going to my apartment. I had Trace drop me to get my car this morning to come here to work. He's being really great. I guess you can call me when work is done or whatever. Just, I'm sorry ok? I should go..." She rambles out and before I can even get another word in, she sprints right out of my office, slamming the door shut on her way out.

"Goddamn it!" I groan before my fists connect to my desk. This is ridiculous. Shit, I can't go after her now. I have a ton of work to do. Maybe I'll just let her have her space. But, I'm making things right as soon as work is over. All of this ends today.

The first agenda would probably be to set my fucking employees straight. I really don't need this bullshit. They need to remember I'm still the one signing their paychecks here.

Grabbing my phone, I quickly dial the number for the promotions office. After one ring, someone picks up and I smile into the line immediately.

"Jeffery..."

"Mr. Timberlake! How are you today? How's everything going?" He asks hopefully.

"Listen you and Zara are friends right?" I cut right to it.

"Uh yes sir?" He sounds uneasy. I'm going to say Zara was right. Damn.

"Good and I'm sure you are well aware of the gossip that's been taking place recently."

"Look Mr. Timberlake, I've tried to get some of them to stop and..."

"No that's fine Jeffery. I'm not angry. I am going to ask you for a favor though." I begin and I hear him take in a sharp breath over the line.

"Oh?"

Chuckling lowly, I prop my legs up on my desk, glaring at the pair of black leather shoes I'm wearing.

"Yes, I want you to pass a message to all of Tennman employees and I mean all five hundred in this building and you tell them to meet me in the conference room in half an hour. Send out emails, call the offices, do what you wish. I'm asking you this favor because I have a document to finish preparing before I meet you all. And...I'll see you there ok? That will be all..." Not giving him a chance to reply, I easily put down the phone before I laugh to myself.

They are in for one rude awakening. If there is one thing I hate more than a slacking, lazy employee, it's an employee who doesn't know when to keep their mouth shut and mind their own damn business. I'm telling you. I do not need that type of drama in the workplace. And, as the C.E.O of my own company, I think I have every right to put an end to this once and for all.

****

Hours later...

Zara & Malcolm's Apartment...

God I'm so stupid. I can't even believe I ran out of his office like that when all I wanted to do was jump on him and kiss him. He looked so handsome in his suit. I remember when he didn't even know my name and I'd just sit and fantasize about him wearing those designer suits looking all GQ and shit. We've really come a long way since then. Still, it's not the outcome I was hoping for. But, hey on the bright side, it wasn't all bad. I remember all the good times we had. I especially remember that trip to the strawberry store. I thought that was so sweet. And then there was the yacht surprise. Or how about the times I dragged him into the pool? Ha, yeah that was funny. I even remember the basketball game in the LA stadium when we made this stupid bet and I won since I kissed him and then forced him to watch all these sappy love movies with me. I swear Justin's the biggest baby when he wants his way. So, for all the bad times we had, there was good there too. And, I miss him.

I basically told Malcolm last night that I would respect his wishes. I told him I wouldn't be with Justin because I don't want to go against his wishes. What I didn't tell him was that I wouldn't be with Justin for him to know about it. But, if Ju will still have me, fuck it. I've said it before and I'm saying it again. I don't care to fight this anymore. I just want us together. I mean Jeremy's out of the picture and Justin told Mallory to take a hike so there's nothing stopping us. I love my brother, I really do, but, I think I'm just going to have to go against him on this. He made me keep my job if I promised to not have anything romantic with Justin. I crossed my fingers behind my back when I made that promise as childish as it sounds. Malcolm is just going to have to accept Justin the hard way. I'll make him see how wrong he is. But for now and for Justin's safety, I won't say anything.

You know, I'm thinking Jeremy has some serious issues. He went really crazy last night when Malcolm and I lied for Drew so Justin wouldn't get in trouble. Jeremy kept talking about he was going to make Justin regret what he did to him. And something about he didn't know what I saw in him but we would regret ever playing him like that. He was acting up so damn much that Drew had to take him into custody. I was a little terrified too. I've never seen that side of him. It's like he was insane. Even Trace told him to get a grip. God, I'm just glad he's gone. If he even thinks about contacting me, I'll get a restraining order on him. I don't need his drug dealing self around me. From what Justin said, he seems to be into something deep and I don't want to be any part of it...

Anyway, I'm just sitting here in my robe, pigging out on a bucket of rocky road ice cream as I watch ‘The Notebook'. I shouldn't be eating anything like this but well, I'm depressed and I'm considering popping a few pills. The only thing stopping me is that I told Justin about my little addiction and now he's got me all nervous about it. I always thought I could just quit at anytime but I'm slowly realizing that I was wrong. Right now, I have this fucking itch and if I don't satisfy my cravings I'll probably scream in frustration.

Licking my spoon clean, I drop it in my ice cream bucket before I stand on my feet and shut off the television.

Walking through the narrow hallway, I head into my bathroom opening the glass cabinet to grab my bottle of pills. Giving myself a once over in the mirror, I sigh inwardly. They did this to me. All those mean children I had to deal with while growing up and...and Christian. He's still a sore subject for me. I blame them.

My hair is a complete mess. My curls are flying everywhere and my eyes are red and puffy but I don't care. I'd give anything to have my Ju here with me now to tell me everything is going to be ok. I'm such a pathetic case. Clutching my two bottles tightly in my hand, I walk out of the bathroom hearing my cell phone buzz.

Rushing over to where I placed it on the coffee table, I grab it and flip it open to see a text from Trace.

"Hey Zar-bear. Just checking in on you. Hope you're good girl. Let me know if you need me as your personal slave to get you anything to eat or well, you know I'm open to suggestions. ;) Na I'm kidding. Lol. Oh but don't tell Justin. He'll strangle me - Tracey-poo."

Laughing, I quickly text him back saying that I'm fine but thanks for the great offer. Shaking my head in amusement, I drop the phone before a knock sounds on my door. Frowning in curiosity as to who that could be, I place the anti-depressant pills down keeping the weight-loss ones in my grasp.

Ambling to the front door, I tighten my robe around my body before I wipe at my nose. Twisting the cap off the small bottle, I drop the cover on a nearby table, before I use my free hand to swing the front door open.

My eyes instantly widen at the sight in front of me.

Lifting his head to stare at me, Justin's smile instantly fades when he takes in my form. Scanning me with his eyes, his brows knit in confusion before his blues meet my hazels.

He looks so good and he smells good too. He's wearing his signature scent Curve. I really love that cologne. He looks fresh, like he just took a shower. Ugh god this is torture. I mean, he's just in some grey slacks, a black wife beater and black sneakers but he looks amazing.

"God Zara..." he whispers depressingly still searching my eyes. I must look terrible. No, I know that I look terrible. I'm feeling self-conscious now. That's not good.

Stepping aside, I gesture for him to enter and he gladly walks in before I shut and lock the door behind us.

I think this is the first time Justin has ever been inside my home. Oh god, this is...nerve wrecking. I hold my breath as he surveys his surroundings for a few moments before he finally turns to face me.

Closing the gap between us, he looks down at me with an arched brow before his palm finds my cheek, stroking me lightly with his fingertips. Sighing, he bows his head in thought before he reestablishes eye contact. "Berry, I...I don't want us to be like this anymore." He says in a shaky voice. "I'm sorry for everything but, we can't keep doing this anymore." He explains and I can feel my tears surfacing but I'm still silent, just taking in his tall, hovering stature. I knew he wanted to end all ties with me. I just never thought it would hurt this much and I'd actually be able to ‘hear my heart breaking.'

"Look don't say anything, just let me get this off my chest. Firstly, you don't have to worry about the strange looks or treatment at work anymore. I straightened all my employees today. I told them that they need to accept I'll be spending time with you since you work for both Yolanda and me now. That gave them no right to treat you any differently. Long story short, I set them straight." He continues caressing my cheek and I nod sadly, before he circles his other hand around my waist pulling me flush against his chest.

"And..." he begins, lowering his voice to a light whisper. "I thought about everything. I've come to a conclusion that no matter what your brother or Jeremy does or says they won't be able to keep me away from you because..." He drifts off when my eyes widen, but, I'm still mute, holding my breath and anticipating his next statement. Smiling lightly, Justin chuckles before he kisses my forehead gently, causing me to let out a light sigh. "Because I love you Jahzara Beryl Gilmore and like I said before, I'm willing to fight the world to be with you. That is, if you want me to..." Trialing off again when I gasp, Justin's vision drops down to where my hands are resting against his chest. Frowning, he takes a step back gripping my hand in the process. Lifting it up to his line of sight he exhales loudly.

Tensing, I watch as he rips the small bottle from my grasp before he proceeds to read the contents on it. Narrowing his eyes at me, I note how the muscles in his biceps contract then relax as he seems to be trying to control his anger. Bringing his fingers up to the bridge of his nose, he scowls while muttering some incoherent phrase under his breath.

"Have you taken any?" He inquires in a stern tone.

"N...No." I finally speak in a weak voice.

"Ok." He nods, moving around me. "Where's your bathroom?" He asks before he goes in search of it. On his way there, he notices the other bottle on the table and picks it up as well before letting out a loud groan. I'm still kind of silent as I gaze at him in curiosity.

Ambling down the hallway, I watch as he disappears into my bathroom and I quickly follow him, wondering what the hell he's doing.

Standing in the doorway, my mouth gapes open as he begins rummaging through my cabinet, pulling out my stash. What really shocks me is when he simply takes each bottle and twists the cap open, dumping the contents into the toilet bowl.

"Justin!" I gasp, rushing in to stop him but he pushes me aside.

"Don't Zara. It's for your own good."

"No, no stop what are you doing?!" I cry out, not making any attempt to move. He's pissed. And, after I've seen his temper with Jeremy, I'm a little terrified to even try and stop him.

When he empties the entire contents of my last bottle I can't help but sob like a baby. I know he means well. I guess I'm just so frustrated and weak with everything. "God..." I hiccup, wiping at my face in irritation.

Turning to face me, Justin grips my hand tightly before he pulls me out of the bathroom. When we're back in the living room, he tugs on my robe, leading me to one of my sofas.

Plopping down, he stretches his limbs before he pulls me to straddle his waist.

Wiping at my eyes, I sniffle slightly as I look at him expectantly. "Why are you so quiet?" he inquires and I shrug. "Look berry, I came over here to see you and for us to talk and just settle all of this. I'm sorry I just did that but you'll thank me later. I spoke to Dr. Lake so you're going to get help ok? We have to choose two days in the week to see her then call her to make some appointments. We'll tame those demons, so, don't even worry baby. Ok?" Using his fingertips, Justin gently wipes under my eyes as I shake my head in agreement. "Good, now say something woman!" He laughs and I finally crack a smile.

"I've missed you. And I'm sorry." I state meekly.

"Don't even worry about that. I'm sorry for snapping at you like I did last night. I guess I was pissed of. Let's just put all of this behind us Zara and start afresh. I think we both need that. But, uh, I won't tell Malcolm if you won't." He wriggles his eyebrows at me causing me to giggle. Gripping my hips tightly, he pulls me closer as I fix my legs on either side of his waist. Yeah, I love that we can still smile even through our grief to lighten a situation.

"I'd like that but, what are you really saying Ju?" I ask hopefully as I hold my breath feeling my heart pounding right out of my chest. Oh god, please don't crush my hopes right now. He has no idea how long I've been waiting to hear what I think he's about to say.

Yo
Look I know we've been,
Been friends for a minute
But I think it's time we trust the situation
I know how you feel
You know how I feel
I just wanna put it out there...

"Well..." Clearing his throat nervously, Justin darts his eyes around the room before he looks back at me with a weary smile. "You really are an amazing person Jahzara and I'm realizing as time passes that I need you just a little bit more everyday. And honestly, I can't deal without you not being a part of my life to give that ‘Zara effect.'" He divulges, blushing slightly.

"Zara effect eh?" I ask knowingly.

"Oh shut up. Don't make this hard on me." He chuckles uneasily and I smile for him.

I Gotta Say You're A Hell Of A Woman; You're Like A New Drop In Summer
Pull Me Over The Weather When I'm Under
Cuz You Know You'd Do That For Me ....Do That For Me...And I Wonder Sometimes Why You Be Taking Your Time I
I Know Its Gon' Be Right Girl I Put That On My Life
You Be Giving Me The Coldest Shoulder
Cuz You Don't Want Your Emotions Taking Over
Instead Of Talking ‘Bout You Looking For A Soldier... Yeah
Are You Tryna Say You Don't See That In Me?
I Know That We're Friends But Taking It There Won't Mess It Up
Keep Your Trust In Me Girl I Got To Can't You See?

"Ok I'm sorry." I snicker and he just rolls his eyes at me in annoyance.

"God, we've been through a lot of shit no doubt. But uh, I'm thinking I wouldn't have wanted to share that time with anyone else but you. And, I think knowing that makes things crystal clear for me and what I want out of this...thing that we have going. So, I think to make a long, torturous story short, I'm telling you that I want us to make this official. I, I want to know you're mine and only mine and I don't have to share you with anyone else. I know I'm selfish but I have a good reason to be. That is...if you'll have me..." His gaze is soft and loving as he stares into my eyes waiting for some type of reaction and oh my freaking god! This is surreal. Holy shit...is...is he asking me to...

Baby Girl It's Killing Me
Why You Tryna Act Like You Don't
Like You Don't See What I See
(You Should Be With)
You Should Be With Me
Fix Your Heart Up Before You Give It To Someone
Someone Who Don't Deserve It, Just Don't Hurt It Baby
(You Should Be With Me)

"Ju are you saying..."

But he cuts be off when he leans forward and presses his soft pink lips against mine. Shutting my eyes on instinct, I wrap my arms around his neck as he instantly deepens the kiss, tightening his hold around my waist. I let out a light moan before my hands drop to his bare shoulders. Groaning lightly, Justin shifts underneath me pulling me down on his lap so I can feel how turned on he's getting. Oh god...I can feel his growing erection pressing into my center through his slacks. Shit, that's really making me hot right now. This is...shit. Gasping slightly and wriggling on top of him to move off, he growls against my lips causing me to cease my actions. I think I made it worse. Oh boy...

Like A Scene From My Favorite Movie
Hard To Control Myself When You Next To Me
If It's Against The Law To Love Then Sue Me
Girl This Whole Thing Got Me In Disbelief
I Know It Takes Time
To Build Something That's Worth While But
Just In Case You Didn't Hear Me Imma Say It Again More Clearly
(I Need Ya)
Like A Bed Need Some Covers
(I Need Ya)
Baby We Need Each Other
(Girl I Need Ya)
Like A Comedian Needs A Joke
(I Need Ya)
Baby I Need You The Most

Relaxing against his tight grip, my hands travel down to his abs, gripping a chunk of his wife beater to pull him closer.

Forcefully breaking away, Justin takes in air as his eyes flutter open to meet mine.

Staring at him wide-eyed, I can actually feel the heat rising in my face. He doesn't seem to care though. Gripping my chin, he pierces me with his gaze before a large grin spreads across his face. "I need you...so much. Be with me berry?" He enquires as his eyes twinkle in hope and I think I just melted right there in his lap. My heart just skipped a beat. His tone is so smooth, so...soothing. Dear god, he's really serious about this.

Baby... My Heart's Beating
Can't You Hear It
If I'm The Music
You're My Lyrics


Baby Girl It's Killing me ...Girl It's Killing Me...
Why You Tryna Act Like You Don't
Like You Don't See What I See (Ohh Ohh Ohh)
(You Should Be With)
You Should Be With Me
Fix Your Heart Up Before U Give It To Someone
Someone Who Don't Deserve It, Just Don't Hurt It Baby
(You Should Be With Me)

Gulping down hard to rid the lump in my throat, I swallow all my fears and any hesitation I might have. I love him. I really do and this just justified that he loves me too. I can definitely do this. "Ok Ju." I simply state noting the unsure look on his face.

"So that means..."

"Yes dummy. I love you. I'm yours." I coo, giggling when he breathes a sigh of relief while touching his chest with his palm.

"Holy shit, that was intense." He mocks.

"Ugh, you are so full of shit..." I laugh.

"Yeah and so are you. Way to spoil the moment." He retorts grinning from ear to ear.

"Am not and did not!" I say in defense. Stopping my giggles, I stare at him for a bit before I start to laugh again. "Aww you look all beautiful and shit." I joke.

"What?! Did you just say I was...beautiful?" He asks incredulously causing me to laugh even harder.

"I did? I meant cute...ah!" I scream when he begins tickling my sides.

"Woman are you crazy? I am not beautiful. God, that sounds so wrong." Justin chuckles while gripping my hips tightly when I try to bolt.

"I'm sorry...god..." I heave, trying to catch my breath.

"That's what I thought..." He wisecracks before he grips me and lifts me up in his hold, flipping us over so he's on top resting snuggly between my legs as he hovers just staring at me.

Looking up at him, I finally catch my breath.

"Come home with me?" He suddenly requests.

"What..."

"For thanksgiving next month. I want you to meet my family."

"What? Justin I..." But he cuts me off.

"We're together now right? I think it's only fair that my family meets the woman who captured my heart don't you?" He's giving me a challenging glare and I already know I can't say no to him. Damn it! It's not fair.

"Fine." I relent not even bothering to put up a fight. Besides, I can just picture his family burning me at the stake or something. Yeah, that was harsh but can you blame me? I'm still skeptic about this knowing I really can't fight him about it.

"Good." He beams before he leans down to kiss my lips gently. "They'll love you I promise." He breathes against my lips almost like he read my mind.

Sighing, I just allow him to continue kissing me as I relish in this perfect moment.

I Know You're Looking Out For You
(But You Gotta Understand)
That I'm Looking Out For Us Two

So Baby You Should Just Give Me Your Heart
And I Swear I Won't Tear It Apart, No...

Finally pulling away, Justin glances down at me with a mischievous glimmer in his orbs as they mask over with lust. Oh boy...I know what's on his mind. To be honest, we're both thinking the exact same thing.

"So, what do you say we take this little party to your room? Besides, I've been dying to see what it looks like." He suggests while getting up before he pulls me to stand. Not giving me a chance to respond, he tugs on my robe to yank me forward so I can lead him to my bedroom.

Laughing at his craziness, I instruct him to follow me without saying anything else. I don't have to really. Yelping when he smacks my butt roughly, I just shoot him a dirty look before I sprint down the hallway causing him to chase after me.

When he catches up, he tackles me unto the bed causing me to shriek loudly as we roll around before our movements come to a halt.

"So, this is nice." Justin says, looking around. "It's very plain and boring like you." He cracks and I smack his arm.

"Hey! Uh, whatever. So hear this. I've got to tell you something." I smile ignoring his smart comment about my room.

"This better be good." He laughs.

"Oh it is. You remember all those times you've been asking me why I was always spaced out and daydreaming all the time and even at work?" I ask shyly. I don't even know why I'm going to tell him this but to hell with it. I think I can admit it now.

"Uh huh?" He arches a brow with a knowing expression.

"Well, would you totally hate me if I said you were the cause? You know, that I was uh...fantasizing about you and all that jazz?" I inquire.

"I wouldn't totally hate you."

"Justinnnnnnn!"

"Oh my god, do not even start that shit Zara. Ok, ok, I'm kidding." He quickly replies before I flip us over to I'm on top again straddling his waist. "Besides that...well that's....Goddamn that's fucking hot and a serious turn on. It's good you didn't tell me earlier. I might have been shocked, but, now I'm digging it."

"Sweet." I respond, leaning down to peck him sweetly on the lips before I pull away.

"Since we're sharing, I should probably tell you that I'm obsessed with J. Holiday's song Bed because it reminds me of the night when we danced at the opening of Tim's club." He divulges, but, I already figured that out.

"I know. So, you want to put me to bed eh?" I probe, nudging his chest playfully.

"Oh my god, you're bad girl. I can't believe you knew and never told me." Justin chortles while massaging my sides before his hands begin to roam.

"Eh..." I shrug uncaringly before he flips us over again and we roll on the mattress.

"I can't believe this." Justin states stifling his laugh while dropping his head to my neck, kissing me lightly there. "You still smell good though, even if you look like shit right now."

"Hey! Thank you so much!" I spit sarcastically.

Pushing his head back to look at me he just scoffs. "Well, I mean, you're still cute."

"Oh shut up..."

"Finally! I swear you talk too damn much during sex." He snaps, tugging at the knot in my robe while he reconnects his lips to the flesh of my neck. "We need to work on that..." he snickers before I slap his arm again.

"Uh god...just shut the fuck up and get to work." I moan as I arch my back off the bed.

Shutting my eyes when I feel the vibration of his laughter against my skin, a shiver travels down my spin when he finally gets the knot open and his hands instantly cup my breasts through my white vest.

Bringing his mouth up to my ears, I hold my breath when Justin grazes his lips against my earlobe before he whispers to me softly as I grope at his chest. "I knew I'd love that you were a little freak..."

And honestly, I have no objection with that little admittance because I think it's safe to say he brings out the crazy side and freak in me...

Baby Girl It's Killing Me
Why You Tryna Act Like You Don't
Like You Don't See What I See
(Like You Don't See It)
(You Should Be With)
You Should Be With Me
Fix Your Heart Up Before You Give It To Someone
(Baby Fix Your Heart Before You Do With It What You Want To ..)
Someone Who Don't Deserve Just Don't Hurt It Baby...I Just Wanna Tell You... That...
(You Should Be With Me)

****

Song - Be with Me by: J Holiday

Quote from: Runaway Bride (movie)

One Month Later...November

Orlando General Hospital...

Late Friday Afternoon...

Against All Odds, We'll Make It

*The ‘I've never' game shockers*

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” - unknown

Malcolm's P.O.V...

I've got to say, this last month was the hardest of my life. I mean, I spent it in the hospital and therapy wasn't easy. Getting shot in the side and having the bullet barely miss my vital organs was really a wake up call for me. Sure, the force and Drew are all expecting me back once I'm fully healed and ready but I just don't think I can do it. Zary is doing really well with her job even if I don't like the idea of Timberlake in the mix. Still, it can't be avoided and we need all the financial help we can get considering my medical bills are going to be through the roof. I can't complain though because I'm alive and breathing. I have to thank the big guy upstairs for that second chance.

And you know what? I'm going to make it right. I'm going to quit the force and pursue the dream I always had of being a personal trainer. The gym is my life anyway. I'm not sure how to start this out and I would have had Jeremy as a mentor, but, after what happened about a month ago and finding out he laid his hands on my baby sis, that's out of the question. I haven't even seen or heard from the guy since. It's like he disappeared off the face of the earth. I heard that whatever artist he was working with at Universal fired him after a consultation with Yolanda.

I think Justin was behind it. God, I swear on my parents' grave, if I find out he and Zary are lying to me, I'll shoot him myself. I'll never get past what that asshole Christian did to my baby sis. He broke her in so many ways that she'll never be the same again. A part of her died all those years ago and if she thinks I'm going to sit around and watch a replay of her past by hotshot Timberlake who's really a cocky bastard in my eyes, she's wrong. She may not see it, but, I know her getting mixed up with him is a bad idea and can only lead to disaster. I'm sorry, but, Justin needs to do a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise.

I'm just glad I'm getting out today and I'm going home to my baby sis. I've missed her and home. I guess for the time I'll be on sick-leave, I'll be able to make up my mind on what I want to do. I'll need Zary's advice though. I guess the only thing Timberlake is good for is signing her paychecks because that's the only reason why he's still in one piece. Still, he should know to never mess with me when it comes to my family. Zary is all I have left and I can promise I will not hesitate to kill and go to prison for her.

Groaning when I stretch out my limbs, I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror of my hospital bedroom. Zary was here this morning with some fresh clothes for me so I'm happy about that. I should consider cutting those dark untamed curls on my head. It works for Zara since she's a girl but for me it's a fucking pain. Either way, I'm getting out of this death hole.

Hearing a knock on my bedroom door, I touch my stitched up wound that still hurts when I move. Voicing enter, I listen intently at Dr. Lake who's mumbling something or other in the bedroom. Rolling my eyes with a smile on my face, I exit the bathroom to be greeted by her warm, aging, smiling face.

"What's up Doc?" I inquire, stuffing some of my items into my duffle bag before I zip it up.

"How are you feeling Malcolm? Just came in to see you on your way and to remind you of our weekly check ups and therapy sessions you need to attend. Who's coming to pick you up?" She inquires as I amble over to her slinging the handles of my duffle bag over my shoulder. Ruffling my grey t-shirt, I shrug for her uncaringly.

"Zara said something about having the day off and needing to shop for some clothes with Yolanda for whatever business trip she's going on, so I asked Trace to pick me up." I explain and Dr. Lake eyes me strangely before she casts her vision to her clipboard.

"I see." She mutters. "Isn't Trace Justin's..."

"Yeah Doc. What's the big deal?" I cut her off. She's well aware of how I feel about Timberlake. That doesn't mean I have to categorize Trace with him just because they're friends. Trace is a pretty cool guy and he's been great with Zara. I really don't care. As long as Justin isn't around, I'm perfectly fine.

"Never mind. Just make sure you get plenty of rest and no gym until I give you the green light." She warns and I chuckle at her. We had an argument over that just last night.

"Yeah Doc. I promise. Can I call my ride over now?" I laugh when she gives me a warning glare.

"Fine. You take care Malcolm. And tell Zara I'll talk to her soon." She smiles and I frown.

"Why would you talk to Zara?" I inquire.

"Oh well she...she's been talking to me about your condition. Now that you're ok I'm sure she'll want the final run down." Dr. Lake quickly rambles out but I don't buy it. Still, I don't care about that. I'm going home! I swear the thought of home never felt this good.

Shrugging off doc's weird behavior, I walk over and give her a hug and a kiss on her cheek, thanking her for everything before I head out in search of the nurse's desk to make that call.

****

Hours later...

At the Mall...

"So what did you tell Malcolm about you traveling home with Justin for thanksgiving next weekend?" Yolanda inquires as we step into Victoria Secret at one of the many malls in Orlando. Pulling my skin tight jeans higher up on my waist and fixing my red baby-t, I sigh.

Ugh, does she have to remind me? I've been trying to persuade Justin that it's too soon to show me off but he won't listen. I mean what if we don't make it? I even tried to convince him that we should wait at least half a year but he just called me out on it saying I was chicken. Men are so...frustrating to deal with sometimes. "I lied and said we had a business trip to go on since I'm also Justin's assistant. He didn't ask questions since he was busy lecturing me about Justin. I let him talk because Malcolm asking questions is like being interrogated in one of those stuffy rooms with the bright florescent lights in your face threatening to blind you." I joke and Yolanda laughs in response before fixing the straps of her blue spaghetti top over her freckled shoulders.

"Well he is a cop." She agrees and I nod as we make our way over to the new merchandise rack. As we begin scanning the many underwear, bras and lingerie sets, something pops into my head.

"Yol, have you told Malcolm you like him? I mean, you've been visiting him often for the past month yet he seems clueless." I explain.

Sighing sadly, she shakes her head ‘no' avoiding eye contact with me. "He just...I'm not ready yet." She admits and I shake my head in understanding dropping the topic all together. "But hey, what about you and Justin? You've been together what...a month now?" She inquires and I smile brightly.

"Yeah, we're getting along really great which is a spin from how we used to be. It's such a relief to not have to worry about Jeremy or some other bitch like Mallory."

"I know what you mean girl. But, I mean don't you find it weird about this whole Jeremy thing? After I spoke to those people at Universal and he was fired it's like he just disappeared. What's that about?" She asks while pulling out a maroon panty and bra set.

"I have no idea and I don't care. I'm glad he's gone and I hope he never comes back. I can understand him moving away considering Justin knew about his drug thing." I state before moving some loose curls out of my eyes.

"It's a shame. He was a good personal trainer. This Blake dude is like the spawn of Satan." Yolanda laughs and I just smile as I pull out a blue lingerie set, studying it intently.

"You'll get over it. Hey Yol what do you think of this one?" Holding the silky top that stops just above my navel and the thong up for her viewing pleasure, I nearly bust out laughing when she gives me a knowing look.

"I think Justin would just rip it off of you. Hell if you wore a baggy long-sleeve, kissing-the-floor hideous dress he'd rip it off you. I've seen how he can't keep his hands to himself when he's around you. But, if you're going for a little seduction, definitely get it." She beams and I can't help but smirk.

"Ok miss analyst. Come on, we've been out whole day and these shopping bags are killing me."

"Damn where's Mike when you need him?"

"I know right?" I snicker. "Plus Justin said something about coming over to his place later after Malcolm was settled in so I guess I'll have to lie to get away. I'm sure Malky won't mind and will want his rest anyway." I state as we grab a few items and head over to the cash register.

"Justin told me the same thing." Yolanda divulges and I frown.

"Hmm, I wonder what he's up to. We'll just have to wait and see. He's at the studio all now with Tim so..."

"Yeah, I've got studio time tomorrow."

Yolanda places her items on the counter in front of the cashier and I do the same before my cell goes off.

Excusing myself, I dig in my side bag for the item pulling it out before I dart my eyes around the store. Doing a double take when I see someone duck behind one of the racks the moment I look in their direction, I frown in curiosity until my shrilling cell diverts my attention back to it. Glancing at the caller ID I smile widely. "Speak of the devil..." I mutter before I flip the object open and place it to my ears.

"Yellow..." I say cheerily.

"Berry? What the hell? I don't like the color yellow at all." Justin laughs and I giggle giddily causing Yolanda to eye me. When I mouth it's ‘Justin' to her, she rolls her eyes and continues to pay for her items.

"What can I do you for?" I inquire.

"Are you still out with Yolanda?" He asks as I hear faint talking and music in his background.

"Uh yeah."

"Well hurry it up. Trace just called me and told me he was getting your brother at the hospital. I'm trying to figure out why you're not the one bringing him home." Justin says and I can hear the hint of amusement and curiosity in his tone.

"I saw him this morning. Told him I had to do some shopping for our ‘business trip' next week." I explain.

"I see." Justin breathes over the line not bothering to elaborate though I'm sure there are a million things floating through his mind now. "Where are you now?"

"Victoria secret with Yol." I divulge before he growls into the line softly.

"Ok, you definitely have to model whatever it is you're buying for me." He says eagerly and I laugh.

"Justin you are the reason I'm buying it dummy." I arch a brow even though he can't see me. I can hear him breathing deeply and I'm sure I know exactly what's on his mind.

Holding my breath when the line goes silent I scoff. "Ju...you still there? Justin!"

"What? Oh yeah sorry about that. I just spaced out. Goddamn. I'm having some really...impure thoughts right now." He groans before I make out Tim's voice calling out to him. "Shit, ok I've got to go but I'll see you all tonight at my place around eight and tell Yolanda ok?"

Sighing contently, I pull out my credit card with my free hand to pay for my items as I keep my focus on talking to Justin. "Ok that's fine."

"Sweet, love you babe." Justin coos and I gush. God, I really love that we're like this now. I hope it never ends.

"Love you too Ju. Bye!" I make a kissing noise into the line before I end the call.

Turning around, I'm greeted with an amused Yolanda who's standing with her arms folded across her chest just glaring at me.

"Oh wipe that smug smile off your face Yol." I scold, grabbing my bag of items from the cashier after I sign the receipt for her. "Oh and Justin said at eight tonight." I add in.

"Yeah. You two really are something. I'm glad you're finally together but make sure Malcolm doesn't know just yet."

"Yeah I know." I sigh feeling terrible that I'm lying to my brother.

"Don't worry about it. Come on let's head out." Gripping my arm softly, Yolanda escorts me out of the store with her but on our way to the exit, I see the same person peering at us over one of the racks. Ok, this is very unnerving and it's freaking me out.

"Yol, I think that person is spying on us." I whisper to her, wondering if I'm just paranoid.

"What?" Casting her vision in the direction I'm watching, she scowls before shrugging uncaringly. "That happens. I mean, maybe it's a reporter or photographer. You are the PA of an up and coming celebrity." She boasts and I slap her arm lightly.

"Whatever brat." I hiss.

"Am not." She defends but I ignore her. I think I'm more interested in the fact that this person whoever he is, just smirked at me. Maybe I'm seeing things, but, he has the coldest stare and those blues look menacing. Ugh, whatever.

Shaking my head, I forget about the weirdo all together as Yolanda and I walk out of the store and head down the busy platforms to our next destination. Gripping unto my shopping bags tightly, I allow Yolanda to lead me into the next store as I realize that I have a lot more important things to worry about than some weird guy gawking at us.

Like the fact that my brother is out of the hospital today and it's going to be even harder to hide my relationship with Justin from him. Not to mention I constantly want to throw up from fright when I keep remembering that I'm going home with Justin to Tennessee next week to meet his...family. God, I hope they like me. I can't stand any more drama in my life. I just...wasn't built for any of this...

****

Hours later...

Justin's home...

Ok, firstly I'm panicking...

Yeah, you heard me. Justin Timberlake is fucking panicking...literally.

I'm doing this...thing for Zara tonight since her brother got out of the hospital today but I'm realizing that it will have a lot more meaning and a better effect if he's here as well. Shit and it's like...seven thirty already and they should be arriving at eight.

Now, uh, incase you're wondering, Malcolm still hates me with a passion and I think over the past month it's gotten worse. I'm kind of angry about it especially since he and Trace get along so great. Still, I doubt he'd feel the same way if Trace was the one interested in Zara. God, now that he's out, it's going to be trying for berry and I. I mean, I won't be able to just show up at her place and even sleep over like I've been doing for the past month. Her ‘bodybuilding wannabe' guard dog would scale me for sure.

But still, it's been a great month so I can't complain. Berry and I have spent every possible minute we could together and successfully out of the public's eye. Whenever any of us are in the tabloids or on news it's always about Yolanda and me and our music along with Zara as her PA. There's no pairing or romantic links between berry and I and I'll try keeping it that way for as long as possible. At least until I think she's strong enough to withstand the speculation.

We've also been seeing Dr. Lake every Monday and Wednesday for the past month too. Zara begged her to do some extra counseling on the side since she's not ready for the psychologist part. I guess she hasn't reached the stage where she wants to discuss her past just yet so that's understandable. She's doing really well you know? She's improved already over the past four weeks in mood and personality. She's more outgoing, spunky and witty. I like it. I think it makes her even more attractive. Seriously. I can't keep my hands off her most times which I'm trying to control because that could turn out to be problematic. She hasn't told Malcolm about seeing Dr. Lake and I can understand that since she'd have to tell him about me too. Dr. Lake also promised to keep our visits to herself so that's good. She still thinks Zara should tell Malcolm though...I hope she doesn't. Not yet at least.

Other than that, things are great. We've made a deal about keeping the displays of affection nonexistent at work. It's what's best for business and our professionalism. Plus, I don't need employee bullshit.

I've also been in the studio non stop for the past two weeks and so has Yolanda. We're really grinding to get all the vocals down. I'm talking some long hours with only bathroom and food breaks but you know I love it. I'm really getting back into my musical side and it's rewarding for me as a person and artist. I've forgotten how much I've missed this side of my life. I even pulled out my grand piano from my studio room at home and brought it up to the living room so I can have easy access when inspiration for a song and the lyrics hit.

Yeah, life right now is...sweet.

But I digress.

What I'm really worried about is having to call Zara right now and ask her to invite her brother over.

Shit, I'm panicking again...

"Dude! The pizzas are here." Trace conveniently interrupts my thoughts when he comes into the room carrying a pile of pizza boxes with Mike and Lonnie in tow.

Stopping my pacing in the living room to glare at him, I roll my eyes before I whip out my cell phone. I need to just get this call over with and hope for the best. "Put them out and go pop in the pop corn. My guests should arrive shortly. I'll grab the sodas and beers in a minute." I explain to Trace.

Nodding his head in agreement, he ushers Mike and Lonnie into the kitchen and the moment they're out of sight, I hit the speed dial on my phone placing it to my ears.

You know, I just spoke to my mom a while ago and I think she's more excited to meet Zara than and I am for them to meet. Zara doesn't know I've told her about us like the day after we got together. She's just so damn fretful. She shouldn't be. My family is really cool. They'll probably take her in as the daughter they never had and forget about me. I mean it. But whatever. I'm just pumped we're heading home for thanksgiving next week. I can taste nana's peach cobbler already...

"Hello?"

Snapping out of my daze, a smile instantly graces my features when I hear Zara's soft voice over the line.

"Where are you?" I inquire.

"On my way with Yol. She stopped by the house to see Malcolm." Zara explains and my heartbeat instantly quickens.

"Oh yeah right about that. I was thinking that maybe you should invite Malcolm over or..."

"It's too late for that Ju. Plus, you know he won't come. I'm driving right now. I should be arriving at your place in maybe fifteen to twenty minutes tops. Plus, he practically kicked Yol and I out. He said he wanted to sleep and didn't want to be disturbed. He's still sore and he's not supposed to move around too much so it saved me an explanation about where I'm heading." She explains and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Still, it doesn't change the fact that this little night thing I have going on for us is missing her brother's presence. Well, maybe one day when he can stand me, we'll do another one of these. Yeah...one day.

"Oh ok." Is all I manage to get out before I hear the doorbell as I press the phone against my ear before I plop down on my couch while tugging at my black jacket.

"What are you up to Justin?" Zara asks before I hear Trace saying he'll get it as he rushes to open the front door.

"You'll see when you get here. Listen I've got to go. Some of my guests are here. Hurry up woman." I joke standing on my feet when I see two of the people I invited step into the living room. Giving them tight smiles, I hear Zara saying ‘bye' over the line and I quickly return the favor before I hang up and stuff my cell into my jeans pocket. Locking eyes with the familiar persons, I grin widely for them when my vision focuses on what they're holding in their hands.

"We brought poker chips and shot glasses!" One of them beams and goddamn....tonight should prove to be interesting.

****

A few minutes later...

So, we arrived at Justin's about twenty minutes later like I estimated we would. After parking my Celica and noting the other vehicles in the driveway, I can't help but really wonder what the hell is going on. Well we're about to find out.

Walking up to the front door with Yolanda, I barely raise my hand to knock when the door swings open and music along with loud laughter and chatting comes floating outside.

"Zar-bear!" Trace beams before enveloping me into a hug.

"Hey Tracey-poo." I smile brightly when he pulls away.

"You look good." He compliments with a ‘thumbs up' and I thank him with a nod and a smile. I don't usually wear skirts but Yolanda insisted that I wore a short jeans skirt with her. We both have blue tops to match and well, she has high heels on but I'm sticking to my flats for now. "You two planned this?" Trace inquires as he darts his eyes between Yolanda and I.

"What's it to you dork?" Yolanda snickers, kissing Trace on his cheek before she pushes her way inside leaving us alone.

"That was rude." Trace laughs before diverting his attention back to me. "So, firstly we placed all the food in the kitchen if you're hungry. Also, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you and Justin need to pretend like there's nothing going on between you two. I'm sure you'll figure it out when you see who's here." Trace states and I frown in confusion.

Ignoring my questionable glares, he pulls me into the house before he shuts and locks the door behind us. Escorting me into the living room, my eyes grow wide at the sight in front of me before I regain my composure. Ok, what's going on?

Laughing lightly, I notice that Justin has a full house tonight. I mean despite Trace, Lonnie, Mike, Justin, Yolanda and I, there's Jeffery Rush, Tameka Hill, Brian Walters, Rachel and I'm assuming the guy Yolanda is talking to is her personal trainer Blake because I heard her call his name. Damn.

"Night everyone!" I shout over the music watching as Justin's head snaps up immediately from the game of poker he and the other guys are playing on his round ebony table. I receive a series of ‘hellos' before everyone returns to their activities.

Justin quickly excuses himself and comes over to me.

"Hey gorgeous." He coos softly.

"Hey yourself handsome." I whisper back, loving the way he looks in his white t-shit, black jacket and jeans. He looks like he's right out of the movie Grease without the big gelled hair part of course. I'm just saying. "So partying it up are we?" I joke and he just chuckles before passing his hands over his face and then through his grown out curls. Ok, so I begged him to not cut his hair because to let you in on a little secret, I love that I can wrap my fingers in his curls and pull when we're making love. I don't know, it's kind of hot and he doesn't seem to mind. He is threatening to cut it eventually though.

"Uh..." turning his head to look around, he diverts his attention back to me with a sheepish grin on his face. "Something like that. I actually did this so you could come over and chill for a bit. You know since your brother's out of the hospital today, I thought I might do this for you. It was actually supposed to be your ritual Friday movie night like you used to have with your bro and he was supposed to be here, but, this quickly escalated into something beyond my control." Justin laughs and I just shake my head while giggling.

"I see." I smirk, watching as Trace seems to be trying to get Rachel to down a glass of whatever concoction he's holding in his hand. "Well seeing as Tennman employees are here I think you know..."

"No affection. Got it." Justin smiles before he gives me a quick hug to whisper in my ears. "You look hot by the way. Noticed you and Yol are matching too. I like it."

Blushing when he breaks our embrace, we're interrupted by Jeffery before I get a chance to respond.

"Z! What's up girl? I missed you at work today." Jeffery beams, giving me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Justin takes a few steps back to create some space between us before he gives me a knowing glare while stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets.

"Hey Jeff, yeah I..."

"I heard your brother was out today. I'm happy." He smiles and I nod.

"Yeah me too." I reply.

"So, now that you're here...we can get the party started!" He says excitedly and oh no, I don't want be any part of this. Hearing Justin laugh when I make a weird face, I'm easily gripped by the arm and pulled to take a seat in the middle of everyone.

"Ok listen up people!" Jeffery shouts, shutting off the music and gaining everyone's attention. "We're going to play a little game." He explains and I hear Trace, Justin and Brian hollering before I tune them out. Oh god...

Blocking my face with my palms, I snap my head up when Yolanda calls out to me. Looking over at her, I notice the same guy she was talking to earlier eyeing me. "Zara this is Blake my personal trainer." She says with a roll of her eyes and I giggle.

"Nice to meet you Blake." I smile for him before shaking his hand.

"Likewise Yolanda's PA." He says with a wink and I frown. Uh ok.

"So the game is called ‘I've never,'" Justin begins and I quickly look at him. I know that game. It sounds familiar. Wait, those popular college students from my school used to play it at bonfires back in the day when I was with Christian. Oh god...everyone is usually ‘pissy' drunk at the end of that game.

"The object of the game is to be truthful at all costs because that makes it interesting. Ok, so we're all going to have shot glasses. And with every round and for every person's turn, you begin your sentence with saying ‘I've never' then state something. For example, I'll say, ‘I've never...kissed a girl,' for instance..." But Justin drifts off when everyone starts laughing. "Hey it's just an example people." He shakes his head before looking at me but I avoid eye contact. "So anyway I'll say I've never kissed a girl and the object of the game is, whoever in here has done that, you're supposed to down your shot glass. Whoever hasn't done it, isn't supposed to drink their shot but, explain why they've never done whatever it is the person has stated. Also, whoever's turn it is, he or she is supposed to randomly pick someone who's done the deed to explain in detail their experience. Sounds easy enough right?" Justin inquires and everyone nods in agreement. "Cool so make a circle around the coffee table so we can start." He adds in and everyone quickly situates themselves.

Shit I don't want to play this. That's like digging for information in a subtle way. Trace looks eager as hell too. Damn.

As Justin hands out the shot glass and pulls out a bottle of scotch as the chosen alcoholic substance, I can feel my nerves kick in. I'm not up for people knowing my business like this.

When he reaches to me and hands me a shot glass, I cringe slightly. "It's cool Zara it's clean fun so don't worry about it." Justin assures and I nod before he pours some scotch into my glass.

When everyone has their first round of drinks and Justin reclaims his seat, he volunteers to go first. "Ok, ok, let's begin people. So this is an easy one." He laughs heartily. "Ok..." Pausing, he looks around at the many faces in the room. Even Mike and Lonnie are playing. Raising his glass to his lips, he smirks before he spits out the first phrase of the game. "I've never...had sex before." He rambles out before he downs his shot of scotch. Grimacing a bit, he wipes at his mouth and I watch in horror as everyone begins downing their first shot for the night.

Staring down at my full glass I notice all eyes are on me and I quickly down my own noting Trace breathe a sigh of relief. Ah that's my Tracey-poo.

"That was too easy man..." Trace says but Justin interrupts him.

"We're waiting on you Yolanda." Justin explains and the entire group quickly looks over at Yol who's sitting there with wide eyes clutching her full shot glass. Oh no, I know that look. "Yolanda..." But then realization hits Justin and I can almost see his embarrassment for her. "Holy shit Yol." Justin chokes out.

"Well uh the game is if you haven't done it you're not supposed to drink the shot right? So"

"Wow, Yolanda you're a virgin!" Trace snickers and Justin slaps him hard behind the head. "Hey! Dude!"

"Shut up T!" Justin hisses before giving Yolanda an apologetic stare. "I'm sorry Yol."

"No it's cool. Secret's out." She sighs. Well that would explain why she hasn't told Malcolm she likes him yet. I should talk to her about that some time.

"Well I think it's good that you're choosing to wait." I pat her shoulder comfortingly.

"Yeah well if this is going to be like a sexual game, count me out because I'm sure there's not much I've done in that field." Yolanda explains sadly.

"It's cool Yol. You can seat out. I'm really sorry. I didn't know." Justin apologizes again.

"It's cool really." She forces a smile unto her face before placing her glass down on the table.

"Ok, she's fine. On with the festivities. It's my turn since we're going in a circle." Trace explains and Justin pours a round of drinks into everyone's glass again.

"Hit us with your best shot man." Justin smiles enthusiastically.

"Ok...I've never...had a three-some." Trace belts before downing his glass and slamming it down on the coffee table triumphantly. Rolling my eyes, I keep my full drink in my hand since I've never done that before.

I notice mostly all the guys except Jeffery down their glasses. Rachel and Tameka still have their full glasses.

Eyeing Justin when he swallows his shot almost instantly, I realize he's avoiding eye contact and he looks a little embarrassed. I know he's only like that because I'm here.

"Oh shit, Mike and Lonnie you dogs!" Trace barks before he continues talking. "Ok, we're skipping the part where one of the people who haven't done it has to say why they didn't. But, ask for the other part, I randomly choose Justin to tell us about his experience." Trace snickers and I watch how Justin instantly stiffens as his face reddens. Ha!

"What? Uh well..." Rubbing the back of his neck, I can hear people snickering under their breath. I'm still waiting to see what he's going to say. Locking eyes with me, he has a shy grin on his face and I really think he's blushing.

"Spit it out dude!" Trace belts.

"Yes Justin. Do tell." Mike reiterates and Justin gives him a dirty look.

"Fine." He relents. "Well you see...what had happened was...you see...it was back in you know Nsync days and..." Oh this should be good.

"Oh my god Justin! With two of the guys in the group?!" Trace screams in mock astonishment and Justin's orbs grow wide with shock?

"What?! Oh god no...hell no. Trace you asshole!" He defends and Trace smirks.

"Relax I'm just playing. Get to it though."

"Well...there were these two English girls. I think it was when we went to Europe once for some award show. They were twins and they were JC's friends and..."

"Wow twins! Score!" Trace interjects but Justin just sighs exasperatingly.

"Yeah and uh...god don't make me do this." He begs before placing his palms over his face. Aww, he's cute. He's uncomfortable because I'm here. It's really funny too.

"Fine you coward. Moving on. Rachel it's your turn." Trace beams before pouring out the next round of drinks. Jesus, I can already feel the effect of what I've consumed taking over. But the end of this night, I'll be drunk for sure. But it's fun so I don't mind.

"Ok!" Rachel smiles widely. "Alright...I've never...given head before. And head can mean the same for females too." She explains.

Looking around the room I notice everyone is downing their shots on this round. And yeah, I just downed mine too. Guilty as charged. Coughing when the strong substance burns the back of my throat, I notice Justin is giving me an evil stare. His eyes are twinkling with curiosity because well, I haven't exactly done that with him yet, so, I'm sure he's wondering who I've done it with. Shit. Uh, I knew I didn't want to play this stupid game.

Arching a brow and clearing his throat loudly, Justin opens his mouth to say something still giving me his unnerving glare before he's cut off by Yolanda.

"Trace your glass is still full!" She shrieks. That certainly catches our attention.

"Hold on a minute." Justin waves his hands before standing while looking down at Trace who's silent. "Holy fucking shit. Wait. Are you telling me that Trace ‘I'm the shit because I bang all these hot babes' Ayala never ate a girl out before?" Justin asks incredulously and Ah my Tracey-poo is nodding shyly. Aww. "Wow Juan just...wow. How is it that I'm your best friend and never knew this? Gooddamn." Justin spits out in amazement before he reclaims his seat.

"Ok, ok so what? I'm sure Trace will try it one day." Rachel interrupts but I don't miss when Trace crinkles his nose by her remark. Ha-ha. I think he's scared or disgusted to try it but I won't bring that up.

"Alright, on to the next part of the game. So, I randomly pick...Zara to share her experience with us of who she ‘gave head' to." Rachel says shamelessly and I gasp before I feel my cheeks heat up.

Oh no! Hell no! Jesus!

Feeling flushed and wanting to bolt for the door, Justin makes the situation a million times worse by egging her on.

"Yeah, we're waiting Zara. We want to know about your experience." He says saucily and oh I could just beat him up right now. I didn't bug him when he was talking about his three-some so why is he doing this? Ugh. Men!

"We're waiting Z." Jeffery voices and I just roll my eyes.

Well I guess I don't have a choice here.

"Fine...fine!" I shout. "I...uh...I did it with my ex."

"Ew with Jeremy?!" Trace interrupts causing everyone to snap their head in my direction. Well those that weren't paying attention anyway.

"Huh?" I inquire stupidly feeling my heartbeat pick up.

Justin is on the edge of his seat waiting to hear what I'm going to say next and god this is like torture. "Uh...no...no." I finally respond.

"Then who?" Tameka frowns. "I've only ever known about Jeremy."

"No, it was with my ex before Jeremy uh a few years ago when I was in college." Gulping down hard, I can feel the whirlwind of emotions coming to the surface. Oh god. I do not want to talk about Christian. There are some things about him I just can't talk about for reasons I will not state now.

I think Justin just picked up on my winded state because he quickly suggests that we continue but Yolanda interrupts this time.

"So who was it Zara? I'm intrigued." She bounces in her seat.

"I think we all are." Jeffery adds in and shit, here goes nothing.

"Well, his name was..." But I'm cut off suddenly.

"Oh come on. Can't you see she doesn't want to talk about it?" Justin snaps harshly, diverting the attention on his self.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch dude. She told us enough. We don't need any names." Trace quickly resolves the situation and I'm grateful because I don't need any questions about why Justin just got so defensive.

"Ok, ok...it's Mike's turn." Brian finally speaks. "Then it's Jeffery, Lonnie, Blake, Tameka and I." He explains excitedly and just like that, everyone becomes engrossed in the game again. Well, that went well...

So, I'm not sure how much time has passed but I'm sure a good couple of minutes have gone by. Plus, I've downed a few more shots since then and I'm really feeling dizzy right now.

Everyone is laughing hysterically and I'm pretty sure some of them are drunk. Ugh, whoever invented this game needs to be shot. Blinking slowly and trying to focus my blurred vision, I realize that it's finally Brian's turn. I can barely make out what anyone is saying. I feel hot, sticky and hungry and my harsh heartbeat is tuning out their chattering.

Uh shit, I think I'm going to be sick.

I can see Justin watching me ever so often as he and Trace are arguing over the last round where Tameka said something about "I've never skinny-dipped with more than one person at a time..." or some shit so...I don't know. I need to sleep...yeah. Sleep is good...sleep is really good.

Yawning lightly, I stretch out my limbs tiredly and I feel my intoxication is on the verge of knocking me out right now.

"Ok Brian...let it rip." I think Jeffery said that. I can't be sure. He looks funny, like a cloudy blur.

"Alright...this one should be easy." Brian begins as Mike pours out our rounds this time.

Gripping my glass tightly, I hear Justin call out to me. "Uh, Zara...I think you've had enough." He laughs, but, Trace easily protests.

"Leave her alone Jay. She's having fun. She's fine. We won't let her drive home."

"Yeah...I'm fine." I slur before giving them a lopsided grin.

Shaking his head sadly, Justin raises his hands in defeat. "Fine then." He chortles.

"Ok, ok..." Brian states. "So...I've never...had an affair with a fellow co-worker." He blurts out before placing down his full glass of scotch and I notice that a few people bring their glasses up to their lips but stop abruptly when they process what Brian just said.

Justin did the same thing before halting his actions and putting down his full glass on the table as his eyes grow wide with shock. Yeah, that's expected. Everyone is practically gone now, so their brain functions are slow to process with the high level of alcohol swimming in their blood.

Looking down at my full glass, I suddenly become mesmerized by the dark substance in it.

Wait. What were we doing again? I suddenly can't remember.

Shrugging uncaringly and glaring at my drink through half-shut eyes, I easily dip back my head and down my shot of whiskey before wiping at my lips.

Then I hear a slew of gasps before someone blurts out: "Zara!? You did that? No way!" In a surprised voice and guess what?

I don't even know what's happening right now as I rest back against the couch and shut my eyes, allowing the darkness to take over...

November...Next day...Saturday Morning...

A Little One-On-One Time

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing" - Mignon McLaughlin

I remember some time ago when I vowed to never consume alcohol like this again and look at me now. I have a massive headache and the fact that I feel like throwing up concludes this to be a terrible hangover. Shooting up in bed, I nearly fall off the mattress and I can feel my head spinning. My vision is burry and I can't make high or low of anything. Groaning, I grip my head before I stumble over to stand up straight. I need a bathroom. But, my thoughts drift when I feel something cushiony under the sole of my feet. Casting my vision south, I frown when I wriggle my toes and note the carpeting underneath. I can't remember my bedroom having...wait a minute...

Mindlessly strutting over to where I know the exit of my room and hallway is supposed to be, I slam hard into a wall and literally fall to the floor with a thud. "Ouch...ah shit." I cry out, trying to get up when I hear a door slam and someone laughing under their breath.

"Did you just walk into the wall?" The person asks incredulously before their laughter increases in volume.

I so do not need this. Still fighting to regain my balance, a pair of strong arms instinctively wraps around my waist and in the blink of an eye I'm standing again. Turning around to face whoever thinks my distress is funny, I'm met with a pair of sparkling blue eyes that are filled with pure amusement.

"Justin?" I ask a bit stunned. "What are you doing in my room? Malcolm will kill you." I slur, still feeling buzzed and just wanting to sleep but desperately needing to stop the pain.

Blinking rapidly, I try to clear my vision since my eyes are seriously betraying me right now.

Arching a brow at me, Justin shakes his head sadly not saying anything at first but then he says: "You really are badly off. This isn't even your room. I can't believe you just walked into to a wall like that. Aw man, I wish Trace was up here to see this." Justin laughs out while clutching his stomach and dipping his head back.

"What?" My mind isn't working right. I can't think straight. "Where am I?"

"Uh, you're still at my place why?"

"Oh is the party over?" I ask again, squinting in the process. Why the hell is the room so bright? Ugh. I just want to crawl back under the sheets and knock out.

"Uh." Scratching at his stubble, Justin slicks his hands through his curls before he grabs my hand and pulls me along with him. "Yeah, it was over since last night." He chuckles uneasily.

"Last night?!" I belt. "What the hell!" Nearly tripping over my feet, Justin catches me before I can fall flat on my face.

"Wow berry." Justin grips me around my waist and pushes a door open before he ushers me in and places me to sit down on top of something.

Hunching forward, I shut my eyes tighly and grip my head in my palms as I take in deep breaths. I feel like I'm going to throw up then pass out at any minute. "What's going on?" I whine.

I can hear him shuffling around but I have no idea what's happening. "Well, you sort of passed out last night in the middle of our game and since everyone was too intoxicated to drive home, I invited them to crash. They left a few hours ago, but since you were still knocked out I offered to take you home when you woke up. Uh, Trace is still here somewhere, I'm not sure." He explains before he takes a seat next to me. "Here take this." He states and I flutter my eyes open noting a glass of water and two pills in his outstretched hand.

"God, this sucks." I moan feeling my head pulsing and my heart beating rapidly.

"It will pass. That's what happens when you have a hangover." He muses before I take the items from his grasp. Swallowing the painkillers and downing the glass of water, I grimace a bit then hand him back the glass.

"Why aren't you as bad as I am?" I inquire, sighing with relief when my vision begins clearing up.

"I have a high tolerance and I uh, sort of threw up last night so there's not much left in my system." He shrugs and I just roll my eyes.

"Lucky you." I giggle, as my eyes dart around the room. Oh, so we're in his bathroom. I'm sitting on the closed toilet lid and he's sitting on the edge of the shower wall and hold on...I didn't go home last night! "Oh no!" I panic before I jump up.

"What?" Justin asks, placing the glass down by the sink before he stands and stretches over to the shower dial to turn it on.

"My brother I..." But he cuts me off.

"We have you covered. Trace said he, you and Yolanda went out to chill last night and you got too drunk to drive home. He told Malcolm you were cool and he'd bring you home today." Justin smiles for me before he sets the temperature in the shower then shuts the glass doors. "Malcolm really likes Trace. I don't know it's weird." Justin says with a pout.

"Aw Ju, you're jealous." I grin for him and he just nudges me playfully before placing a quick kiss on my lips.

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about any of that. I'm still trying to get over last night." He tenses and I glare at him.

"What happened last night?" I inquire before I rub at my stomach. Bowing my head, I notice I'm only wearing a large red t-shirt with the words Hard Rock Café written on it. It smells like Justin too. Oh he's not getting it back.

Lifting my head to stare at him, I yawn lightly. Smoothing his hands over his bare chest, he scowls then turns away from me before he begins rummaging through his cabinets, pulling out two towels.

"Justinnnn..." I whine.

Whipping around, he shakes his head, indicating he's not cooperating.

"Fine." I huff. "Will you tell me later when you're over it?" I ask hopefully.

"Uh huh." He mutters, before he bends down and drops his blue boxers.

Gasping in shock, I whirl around and shut my eyes. "Oh my god Justin!" I belt.

"What?" He chortles, and then I hear the glass doors to the shower slide open. "It's not like you haven't seen me..."

"But that doesn't mean you should just strip in front of me like that with no warning. God!" I blush.

"Whatever. You're weird." He mocks in a bemused tone.

"Seriously I'm getting out of here." I feel around for the door knob hearing him laughing but I'm ignoring. He so doesn't need to tempt me like that.

"You really are serious huh berry? I was hoping you'd join me." He says in a low raspy tone and my eyes shoot open instantly.

Turning to look at his figure behind the foggy glass, I tilt my head to the side and lick my lips slightly. He's standing under the water with his hands in his hair and oh my god; my entire body is on fire right now, but no. No, I can't do this now. I still feel too sick. "No, no I'm going to look for something to eat. When you're done, I'll take my turn and then you can bring me home." I suggest.

"Fine suit yourself. But I was thinking we could hang out for the day and you'd head home later. We'll get Trace to uh, tell your brother something." He explains but I shake my head rapidly, still staring at him through the glass doors. He's, he's freaking showering right in front of me and he doesn't even care. That's so mean!

Ugh, I'm seriously hypnotized right now with the way he's passing that bar of soap over his firm, hard, succulent muscles and...

"Just get in Zara. I promise the view is a lot better on the inside." Justin laughs.

"No!" I protest, with a smile on my face. "I'm too sick."

"Ok, your loss. I could make you feel better." He snickers.

"I'll get you back don't you worry." I point out.

"Looking forward to it babe."

"Perv."

"Only for you."

"Ahhhh. I'm leaving. When you're done let me know." I giggle before swinging the door to the bathroom open.

"So are we on for the day?" Justin asks before I can exit.

"What did you have in mind? We can't be seen in public together Justin. And I have nothing to wear." I point out.

"I'll think of something." He says in a muffled tone.

"Ok but Trace better be a good liar."

"Oh he is." He chuckles and I just scoff before I exit the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

Gazing around the bedroom, I'm trying to remember what exactly happened last night but I'm unsuccessful. I hate this. My memory is cloudy. All I know is we were playing this game called ‘I've never' which was a terrible game because it was putting everyone's private stuff outside but whatever. It's Saturday and I'm glad. My brother is out of the hospital and really, life is good right now, so I'm not about to dampen my mood with negative thoughts.

Figuring I really don't care much about how I look since my head is still pounding, I exit Justin's room and jog down the stairs. Walking through the threshold and heading into the kitchen, I stop abruptly when I see Trace lying on the island groaning in pain. Slapping my palms over my mouth, I stifle my laugher before he suddenly seats up to glare at me, stretching out his limbs.

"You're one to laugh. You look like shit." He hisses, before he hops off the island and swings the refrigerator door open.

Walking over to him, I rest against the counter just eying him in amazement. "Tracey-poo, you have a hangover too?"

"We are never playing the game again." He mumbles grumpily while pulling out sliced cheese, a head of lettuce and some ham slices from the refrigerator.

"Damn, it was wild." I laugh out before I grab the sliced bread and hand it to him.

"Thanks. You want me to make you a sandwich?"

"Yeah that would be great. My tummy hurts but I definitely need to eat." I smile for him.

"Ok." He yawns while placing the items on the counter next to me. Lifting his head to lock eyes with me finally, he smirks slightly. "Your hair is flying everywhere and you look like death. Justin must really love you to wake up to that." He chuckles and I smack his arm.

"Hey!" I pout.

"Girl you know you're still cute so don't even fuss. You're lucky he carried your deadweight ass up to his room last night else you would have just crashed on the couches with everyone else." Trace explains.

"Yeah well my baby loves me. He wouldn't let me sleep on a couch." I stick my tongue out for him but he just rolls his eyes completely unfazed as he begins preparing our sandwiches.

"No shit. He had to seriously cover for your slip up last night too." Trace shakes his head sadly before reaching for a knife but I stop him.

"What slip up?"

"Let Justin tell you. I'm not getting into this. Could you please get me the mayonnaise?"

"Fine, fine whatever. It couldn't be that bad." I easily hand Trace the item before I wipe my hands over the t-shirt I'm wearing.

"Oh it was...interesting. What are you all doing today? I think I'm going to head home but if you need me to check Malcolm for you first I will." He says knowingly not even bothering to face me.

Staring at the back of his grey t-shirt, I fold my arms across my chest in thought. "I don't know yet but that would be great thanks." I sigh.

"Cool."

And just like that the silence takes over. It's not awkward or anything. I guess we're both just too tired to really carry on a conversation. I know I am.

Helping Trace with the sandwiches, I go in search of the plates and grab a few napkins as well. Rummaging through the cabinets, I pull out two glasses and a bottle of OJ for us to drink.

In no time flat, we're sitting at the island munching down in silence when Justin finally struts in fully dressed, smelling good and looking fresh.

"You guys eating without me?" He muses and Trace grumbles something incoherent without looking at him. "Shit man, what crawled up your ass? You are one ‘pissy' guy when you're hung-over." Justin laughs before he walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist from behind. Leaning down to place a delicate kiss on my cheek he mutters "It's your turn berry," before he lets me go in search of his cereal. "Oh and I got something for you to wear so it's on the bed." He adds in and I wonder what it is. Shrugging, I don't bother to respond.

Gulping down my juice, I grab the other half of my sandwich and rush up to give Justin a peck on the lips before I sprint out of the kitchen and up the stairs to shower and change. I hope we stay in today just hanging out and being couch potatoes. I'm kind of up for it. Plus, I'm paranoid whenever we're out in public. I guess I'll have to learn to deal with that fear somehow. Our relationship won't be a secret forever and when that day comes I want to be prepared.

*****

Hours later...

Justin's Home...

"Ok next question. If you could come back as someone else in this life who would it be and why?" I inquire.

"Uh...definitely Chris Brown." She blurts out and what the hell?

Looking down at Zara, I frown before I seat up slightly on the couch where we've been lounging for the past couple of hours. "Ok berry, either you're freakishly obsessed with the dude or...why the hell him?" I snap, eyeing her bemused expression as her hazels twinkle with mischief.

"Because Ju, I'd get to see what it's like to be a guy and I'll be able to do all those stellar dance moves." She giggles while hitting my chest playfully. Oh she's messing with me, I can tell. She's lucky she didn't say JC or Robin Thicke else so help me god...

"Are you jealous Ju?" She's lying sprawled out on my chest and her hand is in my hair messing with my already untamed curls. I don't even know why I have the damn thing. I need to cut them seriously. It keeps me hot and it's a fucking pain. I actually had to pay my hairstylist extra to make house calls. Shit. But, she likes playing with it for some reason and goddamn, it's not like it doesn't feel amazing to have her fingers massaging me like that. "Ju..."

"Huh?" Glancing down from where she's gazing up at me as we lay on the couch, I give her a sheepish grin.

"You need to stop spacing out Justin. I don't do it nearly as much as you do now." She laughs out and I huff.

"Like I said, I blame you. You gave me ‘berryitis' or something." I chuckle when she shoots me a disbelieving look.

"You really pride yourself on these word inventions eh?"

"It's what I do. They should name a dictionary after me." I beam in a cocky tone receiving another smack. "Woman, you are too damn abusive." I mutter.

"Oh shush. It's my turn to ask you a question."

"Hell Na. I still can't get over this Chris Brown thing." I say seriously.

"Justin come on. The guy is just..."

"Ok stop right there." I mumble before pushing her off me slightly so I can fully seat up. "You know, I can break-dance too you know. I mean, I don't do it in excess like he does, but I can twist and flip and do all that hand and foot thing." I assure her. She pauses for a split second to take a good look at me before she busts out into a fit of giggles. "Hey! It's true!" I defend but can't help the smile that's on my face right now.

God, she just looks so happy and it's genuine too. I've never really seen her like this. She always used to seem like the weight of the world was on her shoulder. It's amazing how time changes a person. And I'm more than content that I can be part of her happiness too. It's like we don't have anything to worry about though I know we do. We're heading home to Tennessee next week. I should maybe talk to her about that little trip. We haven't really discussed it. Still, I'm loving the fact that we can just hang out like this. We've been messing around the house for the entire day. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun just sitting around at home doing nothing.

I brought her down to the studio and showed her some stuff I was working on. I tried to bribe her into singing with me but she refused. I found out she's shy about that, but, so are most people. I know she has a sweet voice so I'm going to try and break that shyness and maybe get her to record something for me personally. Besides that, we went in the pool for a bit when the sun was blazing earlier, had the biggest water fight that stretched to the kitchen and bathroom; then we turned it into a food fight. My kitchen is still a mess because of it. In fact, my freaking carpets might be spoilt because of it, but it's nothing that can't be replaced. Even Buckley and Bren were right there with us. It was hilarious.

We ordered Chinese for lunch and Trace actually came over during lunch time to hang out. He ranted on and on about how childish we were when he saw the state of the kitchen but we didn't care. We went into my game room and played some pool after that. Of course, Trace and Zara just had to get into one of their stupid arguments slash bets. This time, they were arguing over Shaq and Kobe. You don't even want to know. I left the damn room when they started.

When Trace left, we watched some of her sappy love story movies and I wanted to rip my eyes out by the end of the second one but I did it for her. But damn that was pure torture. You know it's really true what they say about relationships not being solely based off sex. Now, I'm a guy, so for a guy to admit that, that's epic. Plus I mean it's Zara and I can barely keep my hands off her.

Still, if I can feel that way with Zara and cherish these simple times with us just being in each other's company and having these one-on-one bonding times, then I know I have something special to hold unto with her. I'm just a little worried about making this public. Actually, it's been on my mind for some time now, but I don't think she's ready to discuss that just yet. She needs to get on stable ground with Dr. Lake first. But other than that, today was fun. Plus, Trace covered for her brother, so he's expecting her home tonight. It's late afternoon now so we still have some time.

Now, we've been sitting here playing this twenty-twenty question game and it's fun because we're just lazing around and I hardly ever get to do that. Yolanda should be by later when she gets out of the studio with Tim. He might stop by too. Maybe we could all hang or something before I get Trace to bring Zara home tonight. I would do it myself but well, you know...shit's not in my favor with Malcolm right now...

Hold on...you know, she's still laughing. In fact, she's on the damn floor right now. Holy shit, what did I say that was so funny?

"Uh berry you..."

"Oh my god you're jealous." She blurts out while wiping at her eyes and I scowl.

"I am not."

"Yes you are, Ju, I know you can break-dance baby. I was just messing with you." She's trying to sober up and really, it's not that funny.

"Whatever." I brush her off before lying back down.

"Oh god, ok it's my turn." She swiftly jumps up on her feet and plops down right on top of me, knocking the air out of my lungs.

"God..." I choke out.

"Oh shut it. So, my question is, I want you to tell me what happened last night. Trace told me you had to cover up for something I did. What was it? I'm sorry if I was a burden. Alcohol and I don't mix well." She apologizes while situating herself on me, tangling our limbs together again.

"You know, you look really sexy in my boxers and t-shirt." I growl before my hands snake down her curves to grip her butt.

"Don't change the subject sneaky..." She coos before she stretches up to kiss me. Tightening my hold on her, I instantly deepen the kiss but the moment my tongue starts exploring her sweet insides, she pulls away causing me to groan.

"Jesus berry..." I mutter, trying to reach for her again but she stops me.

"Please tell me Ju." She begs.

I wish I didn't have to. It's not that big of a deal and I don't need her worrying about it. "Fine." I relent, slicking my hands underneath the blue shirt she's wearing to rest on the flat of her back. "When we were playing the ‘I've never' game, Brian said ‘I've never had an affair with a fellow co-worker' or something so and you downed your shot glass then passed out seconds later." I explain and I watch as her eyes grow as wide as saucers.

"Oh no." She breathes out before she buries her face in my chest. "I'm sorry." She mutters.

Bringing my fingers up to her dark curly hair, I move some of it out of the way. "It's no big deal. I handled it." I lie. The truth is I have no idea what Jeffery, Tameka or Brian will say or think when we get back to work on Monday. "I told them they couldn't hold that against you since we were all pretty gone and they agreed. Brian even threw up not too long after. Everyone played it off as you not even hearing the question to really know what he said. I honestly don't think you did. But uh, when we're back at work, if anyone asks you anything, you know what you have to do." I state calmly while skimming her back softly.

"Thanks Ju." I can feel her mouth moving against my abs. It kinda tickles.

"Babe I love you, seriously if I have to fire them to solve any drama that might arise I will." I say nonchalantly and Zara immediately snaps her head up to look at me.

"You will do no such thing!" She grins.

"I got you to look up." I point out with an arched brow and a half-smile.

"Ugh! Whatever. So this game just turned boring. What do you want to do now?" Getting off the couch, she stretches out her limbs and I get a peek of her navel ring.

"I swear to god, that fucking navel ring is hot on you. Even when I was a jerk to you all those months ago I couldn't stop thinking about how hot that was." I blurt out, before I shoot out of the couch and tackle her.

"Oh my god Justin! Hey!" Zara squeals when I easily hoist her up over my shoulder. "Ah! Justin put me down. You really are crazy. We should check on you with Dr. Lake. I think you're bi-polar too." She snickers as I smack her ass, while I maneuver around the furniture to exit the living room.

"You better watch it berry else I'll punish you for saying those things." I growl softly.

"Ah! Ha-ha put me down Justin." She wriggles in my hold but I'm not cooperating. That is until I feel a stinging sensation shoot through my side.

"Hey! You just pinched me!" I shout incredulously before I lift her over and flip her around in the opposite direction so her legs are hanging over my back.

"Would you stop manhandling me?" She shrieks as she fights to push up from where she's hanging.

"You're definitely going to pay for that one." I warn, making my way towards the stairs. This is so wrong that I can just handle her like that. I'm not going to say it gets to me sometimes, because she's getting help for it, but every time I look at her and how different she looks since she's lost so much weight I can't help but partly blame myself for that.

"Oh rough sex eh? Let's make a detour in the kitchen to grab some whip cream, a few strawberries and maybe chocolate syrup."

And I just dropped her. Holy shit! She does that a lot now. She blurts out stuff like that to fuck me up...in a good way of course.

"Justinnnnn." Zara whines when she hits the floor with a thud.

"Shit I'm sorry berry." I laugh out before bending to help her up. "I...you just...sort of shocked me...sorry." I mumble.

"Aw, you're cute." She coos and the moment she leans forward to kiss me the doorbell goes off.

"Goddamn it." I grumble, wanting to kill whoever just interrupted us. "I'm going to kill them." I growl before gripping my crotch through my black slacks. She turns me on way too easily. That's not healthy at all.

Ruffling my white t-shirt, I whip around and head straight for the front door and Zara follows suit while giggling under her breath.

Flipping around to glare at her I mouth a ‘shut up' before I yank the door open.

"Justin hey!" Yolanda beams before she bum-rushes me with a tight hug.

"Hey Yol." I stumble back a bit but quickly regain balance.

When she lets me go, she greets Zara and Tim suddenly comes into view.

"Oh shit! Tim what's up man?" I instantly greet him and usher them both in.

"I'm good, just dropping Yol over here. We just came out of the studio. It was a good session today man." He speaks proudly and I nod in response.

"No doubt. Glad you stopped by; Zara and I were just chilling. You're welcome to join us."

"Yeah I could stay for a bit." He agrees.

When everyone says their ‘hellos,' I instruct them to make their selves at home before I grip berry's hand and drag her into the kitchen with me.

When we're out of earshot, I give her a warning look. "No messing with me while they're here Zara else I swear, friends, witnesses be damned, I'll molest you in front of them." I chortle lightly with an evil glimmer in my eyes.

She's just staring at me emotionlessly before her lips curve into an innocent smile. "Ok I promise. Let's go. We'll have a little movie night and order some pizza." Leaning up to kiss my lips softly, she grips my hand and drags me out of the kitchen. "It's getting late anyway. You should maybe call Trace to come over as well so he can bring me home soon." she suggests.

Shit, I don't want her to go, but, I don't want a bullet piercing through my body either. "Fine..." I pout, giving in since we don't exactly have any other choice.

When we're back in the living room, I notice that Yolanda and Tim are already lounging with the television on, flipping through some channels.

"You guys up for a little movie night?" Zara inquires and they both nod in response. "Ok..." But she's cut off by a shrilling sound.

Listening intently, I realize that I can make out the tune of the ring tone. "Zara, tell me you didn't put J.Holiday's Bed as your ring tone." I say fully stunned and amused at the same time.

"Well, yeah. I was going to put it for only you, but then, I placed ‘Be with me' by him for you instead."

"Unbelievable." I can't help but laugh heartily by that. Tim and Yolanda have no clue what we're even really talking about right now.

Shaking my head in amazement, I plop down on the couch next to them, grabbing the cordless phone to call Trace and then Dominos when Zara comes over and takes a seat by me with her cell clutched tightly in her palm, resting against her ear.

When her body tenses slightly against mine, I turn to face her with a curious expression as to who she's talking to.

"Uh yeah this is she." Her face instantly contorts into a frown and her eyes drop to her nails and yeah, that's not a good sign.

"Oh? Um sure I'm doing ok." She mumbles and by the look she has now, she's clearly perplexed.

"I'm sorry who is this?" Darting her eyes over to me she shrugs and mouths ‘wrong number' to me but then her breath hitches in her throat and her hands frantically grip my arm. Yeah that hurt. Making myself more comfortable, I rest back against the couch and drag her with me as I begin dialing Trace's number idly.

Only, I'm interrupted when she shoots out of her seating position abruptly and begins pacing like some mad woman. She looks like she's on the verge of passing out too. Who the fuck is she even talking to? She's not saying much but it's like hell just froze over. "Zara..." I whisper but she raises her hands for me to be quiet. Rolling my eyes in irritation at her dramatics, I ignore her until she screams out again a few seconds later.

"Aunt Patrice did what?!"

She's heaving and gasping for air now and I really think she's about to pass out from shock or something. Her nostrils are flaring and I can see her face reddening due to her fair complexion. Well shit, it can't be that bad can it?

Then her next outburst easily draws everyone's attention when she screams out in a high pitched tone: "Oh my god! Christian is that you?!"

Yeah and I'm pretty sure time just stopped...

Two days later...Monday Afternoon...

Tennman Records

Orlando, Florida

Jahzara's P.O.V

Sheltered Love

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple. All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. He who cannot lie does not know what the truth is."

"I know Malky. I'll buy you lunch on my way home from work later in the afternoon. And wait till I get home so I can help you with your therapy exercises ok?" Clutching the phone tightly against my ears, I smile warmly at my brother's voice over the line. Words can't describe how happy I am that he's home and safe. "Great. I love you too. I'll see you later, bye." I beam before I hang up the office line and rest back in my chair, staring out the large glass windows of my office.

"I hope that was Malcolm, because he's the only one I'm cool with you expressing your love for...besides me."

Spinning around in my chair, I grin widely when I see Justin standing in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and an amiable smile on his smooth face.

"Well good afternoon to you too Mr. Timberlake." I muse with an arched brow as he makes his way into my office, closing the door behind him.

"Funny." He snickers as he walks around my desk to where I'm sitting. Gently gripping my arms, he pulls me off my chair and into his embrace. Snaking my arms around his neck, I hug him back while inhaling his intoxicating sent before I pull away to give him a soft kiss on his luscious pink lips.

"Mmmm...I could get used to this." He mutters between kisses before he pulls away forcefully. "But, don't start what you can't finish." He warns and I smirk.

"Oh I can finish it." I giggle but, before I can lean up to kiss him again, he breaks our embrace completely.