Part 1

At first sight I appear to be just another beautiful California girl. Which is what I am I suppose, but then again I'm not. Yes, I have a sweet smile, a pair of silky, long legs, and flowing, brown hair. Yes, I have great job, a home in the Hollywood Hills, and wonderful family and friends. BUT I don't have an easy love life or take numbers from the many guys that hit on me. I don't have the typical relationship with a normal guy who gives me all his love and affection freely. The romance in my life is quite complicated and anything, but ordinary. Some girls would kill to be in my position and there are days I'd agree that they should be jealous. Then there are other days where I feel as if maybe it's not worth it anymore and that girls shouldn't be jealous of me.

It wasn't something I asked for. I didn't pray to God asking him to let me date a celebrity or anyone labeled a heartthrob. I didn't tell myself I wanted to sit at a table in a Starbucks just to see if I could run into Hollywood's finest stars. I didn't grow up dreaming of marrying some big time actor, singer, or entertainer of any sort. I was just looking for a normal guy. All I ever wanted was a normal guy who would give me all the love I needed and support me in my career field of fashion. Normal is nowhere near what I have at the moment. Normal would describe a relationship not effected by stardom.

It was merely a fluke or even a little bit of fate. The way we met was simple, I guess, but after that first meeting nothing was simple anymore. I was working behind the scenes for LA Fashion Week and helping models get on the runway at the right time. I had hoped to finally have a few of my own designs shown, but unfortunately hadn't made the cut yet. Yet, I was thankful enough to still get an insider's look at the fashion shows, talk to models, and even meet a few of the designers whose clothing I made sure made it to the runway. After the last show of Fashion Week, I was backstage and mingling with a few other girls when a few celebrities walked by. They of course wanted to speak with some of the designers and wouldn't care to glance at fashionista wannabes or struggling fashion designer hopefuls. Yet, I was wrong about one of them.

He stood out. When my eyes landed on him, I blinked as if my vision were blurry. I blinked as if my eyes were clouded with fog and I was seeing a figment of my imagination. Though after a moment, I realized he was real and he was indeed that good looking. I kept my eyes on him, not noticeably of course, and watched as he talked to a few designers. After he ended his conversations he passed by me and gave a gentle smile. A smile that was probably just a normal friendly smile that meant nothing at the time, but would grow on me for months and months to come. I unexpectedly heard his voice directed at me and listened as he mistook me for one of the models. He blushed a little and chuckled at his mistake, but started talking to me anyways as if to make some sort of amends. After our conversation I really didn't want to see him leave. In the ten minutes we'd spoken I thought I'd found a connection, sensed a good vibe, felt something genuine, etc. It was not an everyday occurrence and I didn't want to strike out. Luckily, even though he had to leave my sight that night, he didn't leave without my phone number. I never thought of what could happen by giving your phone number to a famous singer. I wanted him to call. I knew that much. I just didn't know what would ensue in the future.

So long ago was that night we met. The future is today and today I am in a relationship with the dashing celebrity who ended up calling me a day later. He has brought such a mixture of love and complication to my life. He has brought joy and sorrow, happiness and misery, and even feelings I never knew one could feel. I think about how easy it would be to trade him in for a normal guy that could give me my dream of a normal relationship, but then I'm afraid to actually let go. Everything about him (maybe minus a few things) gets to my heart and leaves butterflies in my stomach. I've never felt this way before for any other guy. I know he's special and maybe that's why I'm honestly still around.

It's been a week since I've seen my boyfriend. I know he's probably been busy with all the events and parties he loves to attend and I understand. I've gotten a couple messages from him that were short and sweet, but good enough to show he still cares. I hope I get to see him in a day or two, but it's difficult. It's difficult cause we take every precaution to keep this relationship unknown. I can't walk down the street with him, I can't go out to eat with him unless he's asked for an entirely private area, and worst of all I couldn't even dance with him at his own birthday party.

Though quite possibly the worst thing is that I'm not imaginary. I'm not just someone he made up like he claimed in so many interviews earlier this year. I am real and I do exist. I have a heart, mind, and soul that is alive and is in the shadow. In his shadow.

I am Kathryn . Let me rephrase that. I am Kathryn, but I am his "Kate".

I am the true girlfriend of JC Chasez.