As soon as I stepped close enough to the rotating door at the Madison Hotel in Memphis I could feel the humidity in the air. I cursed myself for spending a half an hour straightening my shoulder length blonde hair when as soon as I step outside it’s going to frizz up in a matter of seconds. Why can’t my hair be immune to frizz like those beautiful girls like Jennifer Aniston or Mandy Moore? No, I was blessed with the frizzy hair gene like Marge Simpson.

I got into the limo waiting for me and sat in silence looking out the window as I drove to the FedEx Forum where I would be opening up for Justin Timberlake. Well, the first show isn’t until tomorrow but this is the first complete run thru. Complete run thru means I go on first and then they switch up everything like they would do during the actual show and then Justin Timberlake goes on and does his complete set. I suppose I would do costume changes if I had any. It’s a little low key. Just a piano, and me that’s all I need.

To say I’m nervous would be the understatement of the century. I’ve never performed in front of a group of more than fifty, forget about selling out a 20,000 person filled arena. I’m not completely delusional, I know everyone is there to see Justin Timberlake, but that makes me even more nervous. Everyone hates the opening act; they just want to see the man they paid all that money for. Plus no one has even heard of me, my first single didn’t even make it to radio yet.

But Justin Timberlake has some weird faith in me, or so they say. I’ve only met him once for maybe ten minutes. He’s a nice enough guy, we shared some small talk and then I sang for him. I sounded horrible because I was so nervous but he just nodded his head, smiled and said, “That’s what I’m talking about”. If only he could hear me when I don’t sound so bad, I think he may shit his pants.

We start and end the tour right here in Memphis, his hometown. In the next four months we do a zigzag across the country, stopping in something like 90 cities throughout the US and Canada. I’m from Savannah Georgia myself. I’m the poster child of a small town girl. The furthest north I’ve been is North Carolina and besides Los Angeles for two days when I got signed, the furthest west is right now in Memphis.

As the limo pulled up to the arena I think I realized for the first time what I was getting in to. There had to be at least a hundred kids outside just waiting to catch a glimpse of Justin Timberlake. They thought the limo was holding him instead of me and had mini freak outs, but luckily we were able to get right by before I witnessed any of the flashing or complete craziness. I would hate for them to waste all their excitement on me.

My manager, Johnny Wright, was waiting for me as soon as I stepped out of the limo. He also happens to be Justin Timberlake’s manager, which I think had a lot to do with the reason why I’m here right now. Johnny got me signed to Jive only three months ago. I had three months to put together an album and a forty-five minute set for this tour. It sounds crazy, but honestly I had enough songs to make five albums. I’ve been singing since before I could talk. Music has been my life since my life began.

“How are you Gianna? Are you ready?” he asked as he pulled me into a hug. He is a really sweet guy and I think he has my best interests in mind. But I learned the hard way that there aren’t too many people you can trust completely in this business. I’ve been screwed over too many times with fake deals and such. But he’s a good guy… so far. I think he’s good. I’m a good judge of character. I almost have psychic powers. I get a feeling in the pint of my stomach when bad people surround me. I don’t know if it’s really psychic powers, I’m sure most people get that feeling but I like to think it’s because I’m psychic.

“Yes, I am. I’m very nervous though,” I said as I pulled my now frizzy and wavy hair into a ponytail.

“Don’t be. You were born for this. As soon as you step out there with all the people in the audience you’re going to feel right at home”

I nodded my head and smiled, I hope he’s right. I’ve been here a few days, I’ve rehearsed on the stage enough to feel comfortable, but this is big time now. As I followed Johnny to the stage I quickly realized it wasn’t going to exactly be a dress rehearsal with no one in the audience. The whole lower section was filled, “I thought it was just going to be a run thru”

“It is” he nodded his head. Am I becoming delusional so early on? Am I just seeing hundreds of people when really there aren’t any? “It’s just some of Justin’s friends and family… and a couple contest winners and fan club members” I took a deep breath. I’m not good with crowds. I know you’re thinking I’m in the wrong business if I don’t like crowds but I’m ok when I’m singing and playing the music. Plus when the lights are off I can’t see anyone anyway so it’s not that bad. But the fact that these are Justin Timberlake’s family and friends puts a lot of pressure on me. Not even to mention those fan club members, they’re hard to impress. I could feel the hives beginning to form on my neck, “You’re going to do great, don’t be nervous”

And what if I don’t do great? What if I choke? What if I’m horrible and Johnny and Justin Timberlake realize they made a huge mistake and I’m sent on the next flight back to Savannah? I can’t do that. I nodded my head and silently cursed the fact that it had to be so damn humid in the middle of July in Memphis. I think I would feel a little more confident if my hair didn’t look so shitty and I had some makeup on. I tried to remind myself that people were not here to look at me; they were here to hear me sing. Well, come to think of it they were here for me at all. They were here to listen to Justin Timberlake sing… and to watch him. But I’m going on before him so they’ll have to watch me before he comes out.

“They’re ready for you whenever you’re ready” Johnny said as he gave me a tap on the shoulder. I decided it would be better to just get it over with instead of standing here letting my hives spread further down my body. I know I’m about ready to have a heart attach and I figure I won’t have one on stage. Music calms me down so I’ll just start playing and close my eyes and hope for the best.

“Hey, Gianna” I stopped and turned around to see Justin Timberlake standing in front of me. He was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt and his hair was slightly growing out from the close shaven look he had when I met him for the first time. I reminded myself to breathe and now I know for a fact the hives are all the way down my neck, “What’s up? How are you doing?”

“Good” I nodded my head frantically.

“Good” he chuckled before I noticed that I was still nodding my head and stopped, “So you’re ready for this? Think you can handle it?” I nodded my head. I should probably talk, but I can’t really form words right now. He smiled, “Good. Don’t be nervous, it’s just some friends of mine, they’re not judgmental at all” Everyone is judgmental, it’s just a matter of keeping it to yourself or not. I nodded my head again and wiped my sweaty palms against my jeans, “Alright well… I’ll go introduce you and everything. Are you all set?”

I nodded my head. Talk Gianna. “Yeah, thanks Justin Timberlake”

He laughed this time, full out threw his head back, looked up to the heavens and laughed, “Your welcome Gianna Gibralda”

I followed him on stage and everyone started cheering. I went right to the piano where I feel comfortable enough to maybe forget the fact that not only Justin Timberlake was standing four feet away from me, but I was about to perform in front of him and all his friends.

“Alright, alright. What was that kid?” he asked someone who was screaming something at him in the audience. It must have been one of his buddies, a heckler I suppose. That makes me even more nervous; I hope he doesn’t heckle me. I didn’t even think I’d get heckled, what if I do get heckled? I should have done a goggle search on how to deal with hecklers. Maybe I could come up with a clever line just in case I ever am heckled. I’ll have to work on that before the first real show tomorrow. The guy said something but I was doing yoga in my head to calm myself down a little. It didn’t work though… so much for that.

“We’re going to get started, this is Gianna Gibralda. She’s going to be huge. You’re seeing her here first, consider yourself privileged” he smiled as he looked back at me, “Alright Gigi, show them whatcha got”

Great. Thanks Justin Timberlake. No pressure. I took a deep breath and started playing. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes as I played the last cord. I held that cord out a little longer than necessary because I was afraid to finish and get the reaction. It’s a little difficult to impress these people that are friends with Justin Timberlake. They’re used to the best.

I smushed my eyes, lips and nose together like I tend to do when I’m scared to death waiting for a response. When I heard the applause I opened my eyes slowly, one at a time, and released the muscles clenched together on my face before looking out to the audience. They were really clapping; they didn’t really have to be. Johnny looked really proud in the audience and Justin Timberlake was giving me a standing ovation. OK, now I feel a little better. I guess I could let out this breath I’ve been holding in since I started.

“Thank you,” I said as I played around with the piano, “I’m uh… Gianna Gibralda. I’m from Savannah” I said as I grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip, “I know I’m not supposed to tell you this but I’ve never performed in front of this many people” I chuckled and everyone else laughed, that’s a good sign right? “So I’m scared to death, don’t hold that against me” I put the water back on the ground and everyone laughed again, who knew I was such a comedian, “So it’s going to be interesting when this place is full” I paused as I began to play again, “Alright, back to it. This one is called For You”

Forty-five minutes later and I managed to actually make it through my whole set. Everyone was standing up and clapping when I got off which made me feel good, even though I’m pretty sure it was because they’re Justin Timberlake’s friends and they can’t just boo me off the stage. But I made it through, that’s a plus. And they’re not booing me off stage, which is also a plus. Imagine if Justin Timberlake’s friends booed me off stage… I would have no chance whatsoever with his fans.

“Gianna” I heard my name as I walked backstage, “That was amazing. You really have an unbelievable voice”

This coming from Justin Timberlake means a lot. “Thank you”

“We’re going to have fun on the tour” he smiled, “It’s going to be crazy, they’re going to love you”

I smiled, “Thanks”

“You’re a big talker huh?” he laughed, “I have to go get ready. But, you’re coming tonight right?”

“Coming where?”

“Really? You didn’t hear? Johnny’s slacking” he laughed, “We’re all going out to dinner and then ya’know, hit a club, party it up before the tour starts. So you’re coming?”

“Um…”

“Do you have something else to do? I know it’s last minute but it’s kind of a tradition that everyone gets together,”

“No, I’ll be there” shit. Why did I just say that? I hate clubs, I hate partying, I hate crowds. That’s three of the biggest things I hate all rolled together into one fun filled night. The hives are back.

“Alright, awesome. I’ll see you later Gianna”

“Alright, thanks Justin Timberlake”

My head hurts. I can feel a migraine coming along. No, it’s just in my head because I don’t want to go. My stomach hurts though, that’s serious. I could have a problem. Cramps maybe. Or it could be more serious like my appendicitis. I’ve read about those random attacks and then I’ll end up in the hospital. That would suck if I were in the hospital the night before my first real show with Justin Timberlake.

I was putting my makeup on when I heard my cell phone ring and felt a rush of calm come over myself when I heard Maggie’s voice. Maggie has been my best friend since kindergarten. She’s really the only one that understands my craziness. She’s the only one that ever put enough effort into it to actually care. Usually I scare people away, I don’t have many friends but Maggie has been there forever. Now I sound like a complete loser… I kind of am. As soon as I make enough money to have an assistant I’m sending for her and she will take the job. It’s not like I’m going to make her do my dirty work, I’m just going to pay her to hang out with me.

“What’s up Superstar?”

“I’m freaking out”

She laughed, “You’re always freaking out”

“I know but seriously this time”

“What’s going on?”

“So I had that dress rehearsal thing that I thought would be running through everything in front of an empty crowd. No. There were a couple hundred of Justin Timberlake’s closest friends”

“Aww” she laughed, “But you did amazing”

“I did ok”

“Yeah, just ok? I’m sure” she paused, “So why are you freaking out now?”

“There’s this stupid party thing tonight”

“With?

“Justin Timberlake and everyone”

“You’re complaining about a party with Justin Timberlake” she stated as if I were a complete idiot.

“I know, but I’m not good at this stuff” I said as I walked past a mirror and realized I only had eye makeup on one eye. Awesome Gianna, awesome.

“I know, you’ll be fine”

“Yeah, I’m not going to be able to stay that long. Maybe just for dinner. I don’t think I’ll make it to the club after”

“Why not?”

“My head hurts. I feel a migraine coming”

“That’s always your excuse sweetie, you need a new one”

“My stomach hurts too,” I said as if I had to prove it to her. I don’t have to prove it to anyone. If I get there and feel completely uncomfortable I’ll just say I have a migraine and I can leave. They don’t know it’s always my excuse. I haven’t used it yet.

“You’re nervous”

“No, I’m not”

“How are your hives?”

I looked in the mirror, “They’re pretty cleared up” I paused when I heard her laugh, “I have to go Maggie”

“Call me later and let me know everything. Don’t get famous and forget me”

“I could never. Love you”

“Love you too, don’t be nervous. Relax and have fun”

I took a deep breath and tried to mentally pump myself up for this. I grabbed my bag and stepped onto the elevator, only to notice in the mirror that I still did not finish my makeup. I ran out of the elevator, the old man who was already on it looked at me as if I were crazy.

I checked myself in the mirror two times before I left again to make sure everything was in place. When I say two times I mean once and then I left, turned back around and unlocked the door and checked again. Now I’m paranoid.

When I made it to the restaurant everyone was already there. Justin Timberlake saw me come in and stood up from his conversation to greet me. That was nice of him, “Hey, you made it”

I nodded my head and remembered that I need to try speaking, “My best friend from home called” Maggie won’t mind if I use her as an excuse. I’m not really willing to tell him that I only did half of my makeup and had to go back a couple times to make sure it was fixed.

“Oh nah, it’s cool. I’m glad you could make it. I’ll introduce you to everyone. You don’t have to remember everyone, there’s a lot of them,” he laughed as he grabbed my arm to guide me over. He has stuff on his hand, some kind of sauce I think. Would it be wrong if I pulled out my Purell now that his hand is gone? There’s like sticky stuff on my arm. OK Gianna. Focus. I’ll wash it off when he’s done introducing me to everyone. I can wait. “Alright, this is my mother, number one. Lynn. Then my father, Paul,” Lynn. Paul. “My band guys Matt, Sam, Brent, Jake and Kyle” why isn’t he going in order? I don’t really care what they do for you Justin Timberlake just go in order so I can remember them. Lynn, Paul, Matt, Sam, Brent, Jake, Kyle. All right. Next? “The dancers over here, Kenny, Rob, Brandi, Traci, Jordan, Nat, and Rich” Lynn, Paul, Matt, Sam, Brent, Jake, Kyle, Kenny, Rob, Brandi, Traci, Jordan, Nat, Rich. “And you know Johnny” I nodded my head, “And that’s everyone. Got it?” he asked with a chuckle

I nodded my head. I think I got it. Now that I think of it, I’m not really sure if he said Brent or Brett. I just won’t call him by his name until I’m sure. I’ve been called Gina too many times not to understand the frustration.

I sat in the empty seat between Sam and Brent or Brett… of course I’m next to him. I have to remember not to call him by his name.

I made it through the whole dinner without calling him the wrong name. I was very proud of myself. I even managed to find out his name. It’s Brett. No N. Good thing, I really thought he said Brent. We all piled into a party bus thing and drove to a club. I sat down next to Justin Timberlake’s parents thinking that they wouldn’t stay too late and I could sneak away when they did. The sad part is that they were partying with the best of them, and I found myself sitting quietly by myself.

I watched Justin Timberlake making his rounds talking to everyone. Then I noticed some girls sneaking up to where we were in the VIP section. You see a lot from the corner, plus it’s so dark no one can she me spying on everyone. Those girls walked right up to Justin Timberlake and started dancing with him. He danced back at first. When the girls started getting touchy feely I turned my head away. I don’t really want to watch anyone doing anything on the dance floor. When I looked back he was trying to get away from them. They followed him around but he walked over to a bouncer and within seconds they were being escorted downstairs. That’s kind of amazing.

He spotted me looking at him and I quickly looked away, I hope he didn’t see me. Justin Timberlake walked over and sat down next to me, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, just people watching”

“That’s always fun” he smiled, “What are you drinking?”

“It’s my special drink. I made it up”

“You made it up huh? Is it a secret recipe?”

“No” I said as I took a sip, “sloe gin, lemon juice, carbonated water, orange juice and two cherries”

“And you made it up huh?” he asked with a chuckle, I nodded my head, “It’s called a Sloe Gin Collins”

“No” I shook my head, “It’s called Gin and Gianna, like gin and juice… get it?”

He looked at me and laughed for a second, then shook his head and threw it back again looking up at the sky. I haven’t known him that long but I’ve figured out that it’s not a good thing when he laughs like that, “I’m saying it’s already a drink. You didn’t make it up” I shook my head and felt all my dreams come crashing down. I thought I could maybe market my drink someday, it is very tasty if I do say so myself, “I’m afraid so” That sucks. Now my night is officially ruined, although he could be wrong

“I’ve been making it for three years and no bartender has ever corrected me”

He smiled, “That’s because no one wants to correct the pretty girl” Did Justin Timberlake just call me pretty? Probably not. He could have said shitty, or fiddy… I don’t know why he would say fiddy but maybe that’s some sort of compliment or even an insult that I’m not aware of. My hives were back and that made me mad. I told myself to calm down but that doesn’t really work anymore. “So tomorrow is the big day huh?” I nodded my head, “Are you nervous?”

“Very much so. I should get going soon so I can go back to the hotel and toss and turn all night”

He laughed again, I think he’s had a lot to drink because he’s laughing at everything I say, “You’re going to blow up as soon as they hear you” Like physically combust? I sure hope not. It kind of sounded like a threat the way he said it. Like he’s placed a bomb in my body set to go off as soon as everyone hears me. I get sidetracked too easily; clearly he did not mean it that way. But it would be kind of cool if I had to destroy a bomb while on stage at my first show.

“You’ve only heard me twice” I spoke to break myself from my bomb fighting dreams. It is true that he thinks I’m amazing but I’m going to feel really stupid when he finds out I’m not as good as he thinks.

“I know my shit, I’ve got an ear for this stuff” he smiled. I hope you do Justin Timberlake. “It will be fun though, everyone on the tour is really cool. It’s tiring though, and it’s a lot of work. But you’ll get used to it” I nodded my head and he paused for a couple seconds, “You’re not much of a talker huh?”

“Sorry”

“No, it’s cool. You’re an amazing performer. When you’re out there with the piano it’s like unbelievable. You can tell it’s something you’ve been doing your whole life, you’re so natural”

“That’s sweet, thank you”

“You’re very welcome”

“Thanks for bringing me on tour”

“Thanks for coming”

“I should get going and try to get some sleep, tomorrow is kind of the biggest day of my life thus far”

He laughed again, “Nah, don’t even think about it. You’ll be fine”

“Thank you Justin Timberlake”

Here comes that laugh again with his head back, “Why do you always say my full name? I feel like I’m getting in trouble”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I just…”

“Just call me Justin. Or J, JT… I’ll even take Snuckums”

I laughed as I stood up, “Alright Snuckums, I’m going to get going”

“Alright Gianna Gibralda. Thanks for coming” he said as he stood up too and placed his hand on my back, here comes the hives “Try and sleep, don’t be nervous you’re going to do great. I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Great thank you Justin Timberlake… I mean Snuckums”

He laughed, “That was a mistake. Good night Gigi”

“Goodnight”

I’ve been having nightmares since before I could remember that I would sleep through my first show. Well, sometimes I’d wake up a couple minutes before and have to go on stage with my pajamas and some major bed head. Usually when I wake up in a cold sweat I can remind myself that I do not have a show coming up and manage to get back to sleep. And then I usually sleep through my alarm anyway and miss out on something else. I always sleep through my alarm. That is why I set five alarms; my cell phone, the alarm clock next to my bed, a wake up call from the front desk and two my own personal alarm clocks. I shot up when I heard the loud mixture and had a mini heart attack, just like I always do. Maybe someday I’ll get used to it.

I reminded myself that I had set the alarms and it was not some sort of an alarm sent out by the government to warn about a possible nuclear attack or something. I got out of bed and turned each of the alarms off, grabbed my IPOD and put it on the Enya play list before laying flat on the floor, closing my eyes and mediating. I don’t really think this is how you actually meditate, but it’s how I do it. Usually in the movies people sit with their legs all twisted together and their hands up in the air. I think that looks silly. I feel much better laying flat on my back and breathing. It’s the Enya, she clams me down.

I took a shower and managed to bite every single one of my fingernails down as far as possible. My piano teacher when I was little used to yell at me because my nails were too long and she said you can’t play the piano with long nails. I cried when my father made me cut them, but ever since then I’ve been biting them because I was afraid she’d yell at me if they were too long. Now I have a physical problem, whenever I’m nervous I bite my nails down to the knuckle. It’s like she’d rise up from her grave to yell at me. Wait, come to think of it, I don’t think she’s dead.

I wanted to get to the venue as early as possible so I called for the limo at around ten. I don’t go on until 7:30 but I wish I were there a little earlier. There were already a bunch of kids outside, screaming once again when they saw the limo go by. I think I need to get a sign that reads: I am NOT Justin Timberlake, just so they don’t waist their excitement on me.

When I stepped inside it was pretty empty. There were a couple people hanging around but for the most part no one was there yet. I walked up to the stage and sat down at the piano. Playing is really the only way I can calm myself down… well besides my semi meditation with Enya.

“You’re here early” I looked up from the keyboard to see Justin Timberlake wearing the same gray sweatpants and white t-shirt he had on yesterday before the run thru. I thought he would be more of a pretty boy and never be caught dead in the same outfit more than once, never mind two days in a row when he clearly could not have washed it. That makes me feel better about him. I heard he wears underwear once and then throws it away and gets a brand new pair. I’ll have to ask him about that. Maybe I should wait a couple days though; it’s probably not a good opening conversation.

“So are you” that came out more accusatory than I wanted, “Were you rehearsing? I’m sorry, I just came up here”

“No, no you’re cool. I’m just checking everything out. Did you sleep alright?”

“No, not at all”

He chuckled, “Me neither”

“Why not?”

“I can never sleep the night before the first show,” he answered with a smile, and he told me last night that it’s not a big deal and made me feel like I was crazy for being nervous. And Justin Timberlake can’t sleep before his first show of every tour. He’s been doing this since he was little. Is that what I have to look forward to? Every night before the first show not getting any sleep?

“But you told me not to worry”

“Well I didn’t want to get you more freaked out, you seemed to be freaked enough,” his smile told me he didn’t mean it as an insult. I wouldn’t have taken it as an insult anyway, I know I’m freaked out and I’ve never been good at hiding it.

“It’s scary”

“I know, it’s scary for me too. But as soon as you step out and see all the kids it’s the best feeling in the world”

“Do you have any advice for me Justin Timberlake?”

“Yeah, stop calling me Justin Timberlake” he smiled

“Sorry, Snuckums” I just feel like he’s not standing in front of me. It’s hard to call him by his first name. If Michael Jackson were standing in front of me I would not call him Michael. It’s out of respect. Although I shouldn’t compare Justin Timberlake with Michael Jackson. I hope they’re no too similar. At least not with that whole molesting little boys thing.

“Just don’t let it happen again Pooky” he chuckled, “You don’t need any advice from me, just do your thing”

“I would really like some advice though”

He took a deep breath and nodded his head. He’s thinking about it, I didn’t think it’d be that hard, “Do you want to get some breakfast?”

“Is that your way of changing the subject?”

“Nah” he laughed, “I’m just hungry. I’m thinking”

“Alright” I said as I followed him off the stage and into the catering area they were still setting up.

“Did you have fun last night?” he asked as we went through the line

“Yeah” I nodded my head, it’s not a complete lie, “I’m still a little upset though”

“Why?” he asked as we sat down at a small table

“About my drink”

He nodded his head and laughed, “Oh, I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you”

“It’s ok, I just don’t know if I really believe you”

“You don’t believe me?” he asked out of disbelief, “You think I made it up?”

“No, I just think maybe you have your facts confused”

“Alright, alright” he laughed and nodded his head, “I’ll prove it to you, give it time”

“I will” I hope he got confused because that really would ruin everything if my self-invented drink was already a drink, “Where’s my advice?” he’s trying to get me distracted but it isn’t going to work.

“Alright” he paused, “What do you want advice for performing?”

“Everything”

“I think you have the performing thing down though. Just don’t be nervous” he paused to laugh at the face I gave him telling him that was much easier said than done, “I know that’s what everyone says and it’s impossible. But trust me you’ll make yourself sick before you go on and that’s fine but as soon as you play you’re golden” he paused again and played with the straw in his orange juice, he better not think that’s enough advice, “It helps if you have a shot of tequila before you go on, that’s always helped me”

I heard myself laugh, “What else?”

“You really got performing down, I don’t know what else to say. Talk to the crowd, make it personal. Look around; don’t keep your head buried in the piano. Take it all in, you only get one first performance in front of a sold out crowd”

I nodded my head, “Now you’re making me more nervous” I could feel the hives and tried to take deep breaths and rub my neck so it wouldn’t be so obvious

“Nah,” he laughed, “As for uh… the other stuff. Don’t read tabloids”

“That’s funny that you think tabloids care about me”

“They will. I’m telling you in a few months everyone’s going to know your name. Don’t ever read them, don’t get caught up in the shit, stay away from the party girls” he paused, “I know I don’t have to tell you that. Don’t let everyone do everything for you. Stay grounded. Keep your family close. Don’t trust too many people. Keep your guard up. Beware of new friends, or old friends that you never talked to that are now coming around after hearing your voice on the radio”

“So much for not having any advice”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “You get me started I just can’t stop”

“Please, continue”

“I don’t know, I think I got it covered. Just always pay attention, don’t slack and think you can trust everyone. There’s shady people and they’ll try and take advantage of you, don’t let them” I nodded my head and he continued, “Always work hard. Don’t think that because you made it you don’t have to try so hard. You’ll be fine; you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. But if you need anything, you just let me know. I’ve been through it all” he paused, “But I have to get going, radio interview” he stood up and stretched his arms over his head

“Alright. Thank you Snuckums”

“Anytime Pooky. Don’t psych yourself up too much, just relax” he said as he put a hand on each of my shoulders and gave me a quick massage. The hives were up my neck before he left. Relax? Not an option.

“I need some tea, may I have some tea please?” I asked no one in particular. I’m about ready to have a major panic attack. I go onstage in less than two hours and I already feel a frog in my throat. What if I can’t sing? That’d be almost as bad as if I were to literally blow up when they hear me.

Nobody did anything. Everybody just kept doing what they were doing, they didn’t even look up. I don’t really expect people to do what I say but I really want some tea and I don’t know where to get any. I need some tea. I paced around the room trying to think of a happy thought but I couldn’t come up with anything. Breathe Gianna that might help. I tried to take breaths as if I were going into labor and slid down the wall, sitting down hugging my legs and burring my head in them.

“Are you alright Pooky?”

I shook my head and then looked over to see Justin Timberlake sitting down next to me, “I’m having a panic attack”

“I see that” he said as he rubbed the back of my neck, “It’s alright, calm down”

“It’s hot, I’m like sweating” I said as I pulled my shirt off, luckily I was wearing a tank top underneath because I’m pretty sure I would have pulled it off even if I had nothing on underneath.

“What do you need? Some water or something?” he asked as he fanned me with the paper in his hand, “Can we get some damn water?”

“I can’t breathe” I felt as if I were being smothered

“You’re shaking” he held onto my arms to stop the trembling. I didn’t even know I was shaking. I can’t feel my hands.

“I’m going crazy. Now I’m cold,” I said as I pulled my shirt back over my head, “I can’t breathe”

“Can we get some fucking water?” he shouted this time, “I don’t know what to do Gi, what can I do?”

“I’m going crazy”

“You’re not going crazy sweetie, you’re just nervous,” he said as he handed me a bottle of water, “Drink this”

“I can’t breathe”

“You can breathe just fine. If you couldn’t breathe you couldn’t talk” he’s right, I wouldn’t be able to talk. I took a sip of the water and managed to calm myself down a little. I continued taking deep breathes with my lips pressed together as if I were blowing out a candle.

“I’m ok, I’m alright”

“You’re good” Justin Timberlake said as he rubbed my back, “You’re alright?”

I nodded my head and then realized that I really just had a panic attack in front of Justin Timberlake. Now I feel like I’m going to have another panic attack based on that fact, “Thank you Justin Timberlake,”

“Snuckums” he corrected me with a smile

“I’m just really nervous and…” he broke in before I could continue to try and make up an excuse on why I just had a damn panic attack

“It’s ok, I get it. Don’t worry about it. What do you need?”

“Some tea” I answered softly

He tilted his head closer to mine, “What kind?” he whispered

“Green”

“Can I get some fucking green tea?” he shouted out to anyone, “God, it’s like talking to a fucking wall here” I couldn’t help but laugh, “Shh” he whispered with a smile, “It won’t work if you can’t keep a straight face”

“Sorry” I said and quickly wiped the smile off my face

“You have to be stern. Don’t ask, you tell them” he paused before yelling again, “Where’s my fucking tea?”

“Stop” I laughed, “They’re going to think you’re a diva”

“I am a divo,” he laughed as someone came up and handed him a cup of tea, “Thank you Rachael” he smiled

“You’re welcome jackass”

I laughed as I saw her walk away, “She’s my cousin,” he explained handing me the cup of tea

“Thank you Snuckums”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it” he said as he stood up and then held out his hand to help me up, “I have to get ready for some stuff but you’re good?” I nodded my head, “Alright, I’ll see you later then”

“Thank you”

“Don’t mention it Pooky” he flashed me his pearly whites and walked away.




When I walked to my dressing room I decided it was time for my preshow yoga and Enya. I can’t get over the fact that I had a panic attack in front of Justin Timberlake. It’s not like I haven’t had them before but I’ve never had them in front of Justin Timberlake. Usually I can just call Maggie and she’ll calm me down, but Justin Timberlake was able to calm me down himself, that’s impressive.

It’s hard to focus on Enya when I am literally going to be in front of 20,000 people trying to remember the words to my own songs. I know it’s normal to be nervous but I really think I’m going a little overboard.

“Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows, only time?” I heard someone singing along with the music and looked under my legs while in the downward facing dog position to see Justin Timberlake doing yoga along with me

I laughed as I stood up straight and turned the music off, “What are you doing?”

“Sorry” he laughed, “I didn’t mean to interrupt”

“It’s ok,” I said softly

“I just wanted to check in quick, make sure you’re doing ok” that’s really sweet. I know for a fact he has a million things he has to do today before the show and I can’t believe he actually took the time to come to my dressing room and make sure I was ok. Not even to mention he had the time to sit and coach me through my panic attack

“Yeah” I nodded my head, “Thanks for everything, I’m so embarrassed”

“Nah, no way. It’s fine, it happens to the best of us. Just remember the feeling when you go out there and then you won’t get nervous anymore” he paused and smiled, “Alright Pooky? You got this under control”

I nodded my head, “Thank you”

“Alright. Break a leg” I never understood why people say break a leg. What if I were to literally break a leg? Then he’d feel bad because he told me to, “Not literally” he chuckled, “Have a good show”



Before I knew it I was standing backstage listening to screaming kids. The longer we waited the louder they got and the more nervous I was. I looked in a mirror by the stage and saw for the first time how ridicules my makeup really looks. I know Stacy, the stylist, told me that it’s supposed to be really bright and that’s why it’s called stage makeup, but the truth is there’s no way in hell this is normal from even the last row. I don’t usually wear much makeup, and when I do I go for the natural look. We’ll have to fix that up for the next show.

I think I might have another panic attack, but this time it will be in front of 20,000 people. Johnny came over to me and gave me a quick hug and wished me luck. I couldn’t really hear him. But then someone came over to me and handed me a shot of something, “Justin wanted to give you this” I noticed it was his cousin Rachael.

“Thank you, tell him I said thank you”

She nodded her head and smiled, “Have a good show”

“Thanks” I said as I quickly swallowed the tequila as the lights went out and it was my cue to go on stage. I took a deep breath and sat down at the piano closed my eyes and started playing. Everyone went quiet… well I think everyone went quiet. It is possible that I’m just zoned out completely I can’t hear the booing. I finished the song, smushed my eyes, nose and mouth together and took a deep breath before opening my eyes. I heard them clapping so then I opened them wide and saw people were actually getting into it. OK, honestly everyone isn’t, a lot of people are looking at me like I’m crazy but that’s what I expected.

“What’s up Memphis?” I looked around and did my best not to hide my head in the piano like Justin Timberlake said. But he was right, I’m not nervous anymore, “My name is Gianna Gibralda and I know you’re all here for Justin Timberlake, right?” everyone screamed louder than I thought possible, “Yeah, that’s right” I laughed, “He’ll be on soon don’t worry, I just need to warm ya’ll up for him is that alright?” they cheered, now I know as long as I mention Justin Timberlake I’ll be all set. “This next song I actually wrote with Justin Timberlake” they went crazy and I laughed, “I didn’t really. It’s called For You”

I managed to successfully finish the show. Justin Timberlake was right; there is no feeling like it. Some of the kids really got into it. Some of the kids looked like they were bored out of their minds. I didn’t really expect everyone to go crazy so I think it was very successful. Although I didn’t blow up as soon as they heard me, not literally (thank goodness) or figuratively.

As soon as I got backstage Johnny met me with a big hug, “Amazing Gianna, you did amazing”

“Thank you,” I said as I grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat on my face, “It was awesome”

“I bet, I’m proud of you sweetie. You did a great job. The buses are going to leave right after Justin’s set. So if you want to just hang around, take a shower, just make sure you’re on the bus when he does the encore” I nodded my head, is he insinuating that I need to shower? Do I really smell that bad?

I kept walking and everyone congratulated me, then I saw Justin walking towards the stage. He gave me a quick smile, “I hear you brought the house down”

“Not literally, it’s still there”

He laughed, “Congratulations, it feels good huh?”
I nodded my head, “Thanks for the tequila”

, He nodded his head and smiled; “I’ll see you tomorrow” he winked at me before walking to the stage.

I took a deep breath, I thought now that I’ve successfully performed in front of 20,000 people I’d be able to deal with a little wink. But of course the hives were ready and stronger than ever. He looks very handsome in his stage clothes. And he definitely isn’t wearing crazy makeup like I am.

I walked back to my dressing room silently praising myself for being able to get through the whole show without another panic attack. One a day is plenty enough.

“I’m just saying that it’s a little much,” I said as I looked in the mirror at the makeup Stacy had just finished putting on me

“And I’m just saying that it’s how you have to do it” she said with a laugh, “Gianna, I’ve been doing this for thirteen years”

“I highly doubt that”

She gave me a death stare and then laughed, I really thought she was going to kill me, “Why do you highly doubt that?”

“You’re like twenty six,” I said as I tried to wipe off some of the gunk on my face

“I’m thirty three, but thank you” she smiled.

I turned around and looked at her, she looks much younger. I shrugged, “I still think it’s too much”

“I’m telling you it’s called stage makeup and it has to be big or no one will see it. I’ll go stand in the audience when you’re doing sound check and I’ll tell you if it looks crazy”

I took a deep breath and walked to the stage and she followed me closely. She’s not going to tell me if I look crazy. I sat down at the piano and checked the microphones and my ear thingies… I don’t even know what they’re called, “What are these ear thingies called?”

“It’s a monitor” one of the guys said to me as if I were an idiot. A monitor. That sounds so plain and boring. I’d rather call them ear thingies. I sang a song, stopping a few times to get the sound right, and of course to tell Stacy to keep walking.

I finished the sound check and met Stacy halfway “It looks great”

I rolled my eyes and turned around, “You have to say that. I feel stupid”

“You look great. Get over it Gianna, that’s how you do it”

“Why doesn’t Justin Timberlake have to do that?”

“He does. He wears a lot of makeup on stage”

I pouted and she laughed. There’s no way I’m going to win this argument but I’m also not giving in that easily. I’ll just need more time to do more research and plan my argument accordingly, “Thank you” I said as I left her and went into the bathroom to clean the goop off my face.

As I walked out I saw Justin Timberlake talking to one of the dancers, I think it was Kenny. It definitely wasn’t Brett. He smiled when he saw me and said goodbye to Kenny, “I’ve been looking for you all day. We haven’t talked since you went on; I want to hear how you think it went. Did you eat yet?”

“No”

“Do you want to? I have a half an hour before a meet and greet”

“Sure”

“Alright, cool” he said as we walked to the catering area, “So how was it? How did it feel?”

“Amazing. I had so much fun”

“Yeah, they loved you. Did you read the review?” he asked as he pulled a newspaper clipping from his pocket

“No, you said not to read the reviews” I’m beginning to think I’m supposed to do the complete opposite of everything he says

He chuckled, “You just don’t read them when they’re bad” he held it out for me. Does that mean he thought that my review was going to be bad? And how are you supposed to know if it’s going to be good or bad? My psychic powers are not that strong just yet. He’d probably say you’re supposed to have someone else look at it first. I’m no rocket scientist but I’d quickly know what it means when I don’t get a review one morning. “Don’t you want to read it?”

I shook my head, “Not really”

“Alright, it’s cool” he said as he put it back in his pocket

“Thanks though”

“No problem” he said as he grabbed a forkful of macaroni, “So are you more calm or still nervous?”

“Oh, I’m still nervous. But as soon as I got out there I felt fine. Plus that tequila was a help”

“Yeah, tequila is always helpful” he laughed

“Dude,” one of the dancers came running over as if he just saw Elvis at the gas station, “Etta James is coming to the show tonight”

“What?” I heard myself shout and then it started happening again. I couldn’t breathe, I got hot, I felt myself shaking. Here comes panic attack number 2 in front of Justin Timberlake.

“Why would you tell her that?” Justin Timberlake shouted as he handed me the bottle of water, “It’s ok Gigi,”

“I can’t breathe, I’m going to throw up”

“Relax. I looked up what to do last night. You have to relax and tell yourself you’re relaxed and you can breathe. If you couldn’t breathe you couldn’t talk and you can talk”

“I’m going to throw up”

“You’re ok. You can handle this. Close your eyes and breathe, take deep breathes, and picture something else. Picture yourself on the beach somewhere all alone with the waves crashing”

I opened my eyes to look at him, is he crazy? “Etta FUCKING James, Justin Timberlake”

“I know, I know. Raise your hands over your head and then put them down, do it over and over again”

“What?” I shouted, “Where are you getting this shit from? I can’t breathe”

“Yes you can,” he said as he started to massage my neck, “Just relax. Count to ten with me, come on. One, two three”

I feel like he’s crazy but I’ll give it a shot, “four, five, six, seven”

“Slow down, not so fast. Eight, nine, ten” he paused and made me take a sip of water, “Now breathe with me, take deep breathes”

“I sing her song,” I said as I continued taking deep breathes, I’m calming down a little at least, “I sing At Last. I can’t do it tonight. I have to change my set list”

“No, no you don’t. That’s why she’s here”

“I can’t”

“You have to Pooky, she wants to hear it”

I nodded my head and took one last deep breath; I think I’m ok now. But then I remembered that I just had panic attack number 2 in front of Justin Timberlake, as well as about twenty other people that were eating their dinner. “Oh gosh, I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry,” I said as I stood up and went back to my dressing room. Maybe I should stay in here all the time and then I’ll have my panic attacks in private. Justin Timberlake must think I’m a complete nutcase… I kind of am.

I lit the candles that are supposed to calm me down when I heard a knock on the door. It opened a few seconds later and Justin Timberlake was standing in front of me, “Can I come in?” I nodded my head and he walked in closing the door behind himself, “You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s not that big of a deal”

“I’ve been on this tour for two days and I’ve had two panic attacks, and both of them were in front of you, Justin Timberlake”

“So what? I’m glad I was there and I could calm you down a little”

I nodded my head, part of me was glad he was there too. But I still feel like a crazy person, “I’m just not used to this”

“I get it, you don’t have to explain,” he said as he sat down on the couch. I sat down next t him and we both sat in silence for a few seconds, “Do you have any medication or anything?” I shook my head, “Did you ever go to the doctor?”

I nodded my head, “She said to do yoga and light candles”

He let out one of those chuckles like he couldn’t believe that was the doctor’s solution. I’m not really big on medicine anyway, but it is kind of a lame excuse, “Maybe you should try another doctor” I nodded my head, “I found a website though. It said to relax your body and focus on each body part to figure out where the tension is. In case you have another one when you’re all alone. Just close your eyes, think of something else, and breathe. Relax your body and tell yourself over and over again that it’s not a big deal and you’re going to be alright”

“You found a website?” like Justin Timberlake did research to help me with my panic attacks? I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand it’s sweet that he went to the trouble, but on the other hand he went to all that trouble. He’s busy, and he had to go google panic attack solutions to help his crazy opening act.

“Well yeah. I like to be in control” he smiled, “I don’t like not being able to do anything. It got me worried” he finished quietly

My panic attacks even worry Justin Timberlake, “You don’t have to worry, I’ll be alright. It’s just one of the perks of taking me on tour with you”

“It’s worth it” he smiled as he slapped my leg before standing up, “I have to go Pooky, but I’ll check in later alright?”

“You don’t have to. I’ll be alright”

“Nah, I want to” he smiled again as he walked to the door, “Later Pooks”

I was hiding on my bus after the show because someone told me that Etta James wanted to meet me. I’m afraid to meet her. I’m not trying to lie to anyone; I don’t want to meet her. She’s one of my idols and she’s fantastic but I don’t want to meet her. I turned all the lights on the bus off and hid in the back bedroom area hoping that no one would notice that was where I was hiding out.

“Gianna” I heard Justin Timberlake calling my name and cursed the fact that I did not lock the door to my bus. I didn’t move and tried to hold my breath so he couldn’t hear me; “I know you’re in here Gi” his voice was getting closer. I wish I had night vision eyes so I could see if he was there or not. Now that we’re on superpowers, I wish I had the power to disappear. He turned on the light and saw me sitting on the bed and let out a quick chuckle, “What’s going on Pooky?” he asked as he sat down next to me

“Nothing, I’m just ready to go”

He nodded his head and laughed, “Are you trying to act like you don’t know Etta James is out there waiting for you?” I nodded my head, “Alright. I’ll go along with it. But they know I came looking for you, so you’ll have to come out. I know you’re nervous but she really wants to meet you. She came all the way out here to see you. She’s not intimidating at all”

I nodded my head, “I know she’s probably not but I’m still freaking out a little”

“Yeah, a little” he laughed, “It’s not that bad. She’ll just talk to you for a couple minutes then we have to get going, we don’t have much time anyway. I’ll stay with you, if that’ll help. Just give me a sign and I’ll take all the attention off you”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just uh… scratch your nose. Alright?” I nodded my head and he stood up and held his arm out to help me up, “You got this Gigi”

I took a deep breath as he helped me up and followed him closely, “I’m sorry you have to be my babysitter slash therapist. I know you have plenty of other things going on”

“I’m a Jack of All Trades Pooky” he smiled and before I knew it I was face to face with Etta James. I felt my mouth drop open it literally dropped open. As if I didn’t look weird enough coming out in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top with no makeup on and my hair up in a very messy ponytail, the fact that I could not close my mouth put it over the edge. I saw Justin Timberlake look at me out of the corner of my eye and he let out a quick chuckle, “This is Gianna Gibralda, Gigi this is the one and only Etta James”

“It’s so great to meet you” Etta James said as she pulled me into a hug and I swear I almost passed out, “You have an amazing voice sweetie. I heard all about you and I just had to come and see it for myself”

“Thank you” I managed to get out softly

“She didn’t even know you were here” I looked over at Justin speaking, “She was on the bus ready to go”

I nodded my head, “I’m sorry”

I actually made it through talking to her without any hives or panic attacks. I don’t know what’s getting into me.

“See, it wasn’t that bad right?”

“No” I shook my head, “Thanks for saving me”

“No problem. Do you want to come on my bus and watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, sure” why did I just agree to go on his bus? Sure, in theory it sounds great and it would be for any normal person. But my hives are going to show up any second and I’m probably going to have a panic attack halfway to wherever it is we are going.

“Cool, I got some good ones” he smiled as I followed him on the bus, “Welcome. Home sweet home” he laughed as he sat down on the couch and I sat down next to him, “You’re from Georgia aren’t you?” I nodded my head, “So were all your friends out there tonight?” I shook my head. I don’t have too many friends, how am I supposed to say that to Justin Timberlake? His friends filled up a whole arena in Memphis. I don’t think it’d be such a surprise to him, it is pretty obvious I’m a huge nerd, “I didn’t get to meet your family”

“They didn’t come,” I answered softly

“Your family didn’t come?” he asked out of disbelief.

“No, my father couldn’t get away”

“He couldn’t get away?” is he really going to just repeat everything I say? I shook my head, I know he’s really close to his family but some people aren’t, “I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s ok,”

“I really know nothing about you” except that I have panic attacks

“I don’t really know anything about you either Justin Timberlake”

He laughed, another one of those where he throws his head back, “Really?”

I nodded my head, “Well no, not really. I know you’re from Memphis and you’re really close to your mother. Your favorite color is baby blue and you like cereal and you prefer boxers over briefs”

He laughed and nodded his head, “Alright, if we’re going to play like that. I know your favorite color is also blue, favorite food is pizza with mushrooms, and you like to make up your own drinks that are already drinks” he smiled, “You’re not the only one that’s hit up the google”

“You’ve got me all figured out”

“Hardly. Are you not close to your family?”

“It’s just my father. We’re close, I mean he’s my dad”

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it”

“Oh no, it’s ok. My mother left like… when I was born. They were really young when they had me and she couldn’t handle it and ran away from it”

“Shit. I’m sorry”

“It’s not a big deal. I never met her so… it’s good. I don’t want anything to do with her”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“A step sister” I nodded my head, “She’s five. That’s kind of sick isn’t it?”

He laughed, “No, it’s not sick”

“It is sick” I laughed, “I was twenty when she was born. I went to school with kids who have children older than my sister. Whenever we’re together everyone thinks she’s my daughter”

“That’s not a big deal though. A lot of families are like that now, and you said your parents were young when they had you. Mine were too. My mother was only 19”

“Mine was 17”

He nodded his head, “So have you been singing and everything for awhile?”

“Yeah, since I was a kid”

“Me too, I’ve been taking lessons since I was like five”

“I never took lessons”

“Really? How long have you been playing?”

“Since I was like three”

“And you never took lessons for the piano either?”

“Well I did, but my teacher was mean and made me cut my fingernails so I quit”

“So you taught yourself?” I nodded my head, it’s not that big of a deal but he seems to be quite impressed, “Are you serious?”

“It’s not that hard, it’s just pressing buttons”

“Pressing buttons?” he laughed, “it took me so long to play, I hated my teacher too and I would rather go out back climbing trees as a five year old”

I nodded my head even though I didn’t really agree with him. I was a music nerd since I was a kid. I never really had too many friends. Possibly one of the reasons why is because I was always home by myself playing piano and writing music. Another reason could be because I’m crazy and have panic attacks and get hives.

I sat down next to Justin Timberlake on his bed watching the movie. The fact that I was sitting next to Justin Timberlake on his bed made me want to go a little crazy. On his bed. Did you get that?

I didn’t watch much of the movie. I was too busy thinking about why Justin Timberlake is so impressed with me as a musician. I don’t really get it. I think I’m good, but I don’t really know if I’m as good as he thinks I am. I also don’t know why he seems to be impressed with me as a person, at least enough to invite me on the bus with him to watch a movie. My first thought was that he’s all alone and had no one else. But obviously this is his tour and he has a million people that want to hang out with him. Maybe he feels bad for me. That would make sense. He obviously knows how crazy I am and he feels like it’s his job as the headliner to make sure his opening act feels comfortable enough not to ruin his whole tour.

“Do you really only wear boxers once and then throw them away?”

“What?” he asked laughing as he put the movie on mute, “Are you serious?”

“I just heard that, and I didn’t…”

“Random. No” he broke in, still laughing, “I do not”

“OK. Good. Because that would be really weird and I thought you did. And I didn’t get why because you wear the same clothes two days in a row so like”

He broke in again, “What? I do not”

“Yeah, you do”

“No, I don’t” He’s smiling but I can’t tell if it’s one of those where he thinks it’s funny or that he’s really insulted, “When have I worn the same clothes two days in a row?”

“The first night. You had on those gray sweatpants and a t-shirt before the dress rehearsal and then the same thing the next morning when I saw you”

“For two hours” he sat up, “I wore that for a couple hours between the rehearsal and the actual show. Then I wore it again for a couple hours the next day. That equals out to not even a day”

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing” I answered, now he’s got me feeling bad

“Yeah, uh huh” he smiled, “You’re calling me a scrub”

“No, I’m not. I’m sorry if it came across like that”

“I’ll let it slide this time Pooky” he laid on the bed, “You can lay down. You look so uncomfortable, relax” Sitting with Justin Timberlake on his bed is one thing but lying with Justin Timberlake on his bed is a totally different thing. He laughed when I didn’t move and then pulled me down next to him, “Relax, I don’t bite”

Please don’t get hives; please don’t get hives, “I know, I’m not”

“We should do a song together”

“Why?”

He laughed, and I’m pretty positive if he could have thrown his head back he could have, “OK. We should not do a song together”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t understand why you would want to do a song with me”

“It would be tight. It’d help you out… it would help me out. It’d be fun to work with you. What the hell? I mean we have all this time together we might as well take advantage of it and write a hit right?” I smiled as I watched him. He gets so into it when he’s talking about music, it’s really cute. He looked over at me, “No?”

“Yeah. But who gets the song?”

He shrugged, “We’ll fight over it later”

“Alright. But your cd just came out and mine didn’t come out yet. So it would kind of make sense” I smiled but he broke in

“We’ll fight over it later” he repeated with a chuckle, “We could do two, if it’s that big of a deal”

“OK, but I get first dibs”

“Oh, Gianna” he said as he stretched his arms over his head, “I’m not agreeing to that”

I heard a nock on my hotel door and checked myself in the mirror one last time before opening it, “Let’s go Pooky, are you ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready for you to admit you were confused” I smiled as I grabbed my purse and followed him to the elevator. It had been two weeks since I started the tour and I was actually quite proud of myself. I haven’t had a panic attack in at least a couple days. I’m starting to feel comfortable with the whole thing. Not only being on tour but being on tour with Justin Timberlake.

“We’ll see” he smiled, “We need to make some kind of bet because I know I’m right”

“And I know I’m right”

“Alright then, let’s bet. When I win, you have to tell everyone that you don’t know anything and Justin Timberlake is the king and knows everything, every night for the rest of the tour”

I rolled my eyes, “Whatever. When I win you have to say that you’re an idiot and I’m always right. Always”

“Alright” he held out his hand to shake, “It’s a bet, are you worried?”

“Not at all, are you?”

“Nah” he laughed as we got into the limo waiting outside, “You look nice tonight… by the way” he gave me a cute smile

“Thank you” I smiled… no hives. I’m getting really good at this, “But stop trying to butter me up so I don’t make you go through with it”

He laughed as we stopped in front of a bar and I followed him inside and right upstairs to a VIP area. There were other people there obviously, but they were all in their own world. We are in DC, I don’t think there are too many celebrity VIPs here. Justin grabbed my hand and led me to the bar, “Let’s get right to it” he smiled and then stopped before reaching the bar, “First tell me what’s in a gin and Gianna again so there’s no confusion”

He really thinks he’s right about this. He’s not. He needs to get over it, “Sloe gin, carbonated water, lemon juice, an orange slice and two cherries”

Justin Timberlake nodded his head and continued walking to the bar, “What’s up man?” he asked the bartender, “Can you tell me what’s in a Sloe Gin Collins?”

“Yeah man, it’s sloe gin, carbonated water and lemon juice” Justin gave me a look after every ingredient and smiled when he was done.

“Thank you” Justin smiled and gave me a look of victory, “That’s it”

“Uh no” I said as I shook my head frantically, “Mine has an orange and a lemon and two cherries”

“It still has it he just didn’t say it” Snuckums said as he went back to the bar and pulled me along with him, “Can we have two of them?”

“Yeah man” the bartender said as he started making a drink that looked very similar to my drink. I watched carefully and Justin just watched me, to make sure I was taking it all in. I really feel my heart breaking a little. I thought I was a genius that made up such an amazing drink.

“Thank you” Justin said as he grabbed the drinks and led me to a table in the back. He laughed at the face I made, but it’s really not funny. My heart is broken, “Enjoy” I gave him a look before taking a sip. It is my drink. Exactly my drink, “How is it?”

“Wonderful” I said softly

He laughed before taking a sip of his drink, “I’m sorry, did I ruin it for you?”

“I really thought I made it up,” I pouted

“I’m sorry. You can make up a different drink that’s even better. We’ll make it up together… we can call it G n’ J”

“OK”

“Alright” he laughed, “But you still lost the bet”

“Fine, but mine had two cherries”

“Are you seriously going to pull the two cherry shit?”

He’s really adorable. I don’t know why he spends time with me, he’s obviously in a whole different class than I am, “Calm down, I’m just saying that mine’s better because it has two cherries”

He smiled and grabbed the cherry from his drink and put it in mine, “Almost as good as yours”

“Thank you”

“Anytime Pooky” he smiled and gently placed his hands on mine. If I didn’t know better I’d say he’s flirting. Maybe he is. I don’t know why though. He could get any girl he wanted. Plus there are so many other girls on this tour that are way prettier and don’t have panic attacks or get hives all the time. He is Justin Timberlake after all.

Before I could even begin to figure anything out I felt his soft lips against mine. He kissed me softly and before I knew it we were full out making out. As I’ve said before I’m a huge nerd and I’ve only kissed five boys in my entire life. One of which was in kindergarten so that doesn’t really count. One in middle school, one in high school and one in college. OK, that’s only four. I can’t think of the fifth right now. The point is I do not have very much experience with this sort of thing. And the fact is I have not been kissed since sophomore year in college, which was like five years ago… and I sure as hell have never been kissed like this.

When we split apart he smiled at me and I think I smiled back, I’m not too sure. I am sure that there are hives on my neck and I tried to place my hands by my neck to hide them without making it so obvious and drawing attention to it, “We uh… should probably get going. Are you ready?”

I nodded my head and stood up to follow him. I have a feeling things are going to be insanely awkward in the next few days. He turned back to make sure I was following him and grabbed onto my hand. The limo was waiting and we got right in. “You have a rash or something” he said as he ran his fingers over my neck, “Are you allergic to something?” I shook my head, “Do you have something for it? Do you want to stop somewhere?”

“It’s fine just don’t… look at it”

“Alright” he chuckled, “Sorry” he paused, “Your drink is good, whether you made it up or not”

“Yeah thanks, let it go alright?” I asked with a smile

He laughed as we stepped out of the limo and went in the elevator, then he walked me to my door and we stood in front of it for a few seconds, “I had fun, thanks for coming with me” he said with a smile

“I had fun too, thanks. Except for that whole you ruining my life thing,” I said with a smile. I make it sound like I’m kidding but I really am upset about it. I don’t think he’s ruined my life but it does hurt a little.

“You’re making me feel bad about it” he chuckled, “But I’m not giving in on the bet”

“I don’t want you to give in, I’ll say it”

“Alright then, you better”

“I will”

“Alright” he said softly before kissing me again. I’ve never had someone want to kiss me as much as it seems he has, and he is Justin Timberlake. I don’t really get it.

“I should uh… probably go in”

“Yeah” he nodded his head but kissed me again then stepped back and laughed, “Goodnight Gianna”

“Goodnight Justin”

“Oh my God, you called me Justin!” he shouted, I laughed at his excitement although it is a pretty big step. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to call him just Justin, “As if this night couldn’t get any better. This will go down in history”

“Stop” I heard myself giggle

“It’s a big step Gi, come on” he smiled and kissed me again, “Alright, I’m leaving”

“Are you?” It doesn’t look like he’s leaving. It looks like he wants to stay. And although a big part of me does want him to stay there’s a part of me that knows it’s not a good idea. And then there’s the simple fact that I have not had sex in a very very long time. Not to mention that I had sex with one guy my whole life and it was very, very bad. But the first time is supposed to be bad right? It kind of turned me off to the whole idea of sex. I know it’s not always bad and I’m positive sex with Justin Timberlake will not be bad but I need to chill a little. I’m not ready for that yet.

“Yeah” he said as he stepped back and ran his hands through his hair while taking a deep breath, “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweet dreams”

When my five alarms went off the next morning I actually did not jump up but laid in bed for a couple minutes, trying to sort through what actually happened last night and what was a dream. We did kiss. I know that much. And I clearly remember that he ruined my drink.

I finally stood up and got in the shower and then remembered that we’re leaving DC tonight after the show so I have to pack everything up. Then we’re going to NY for like three days. I’m excited about that. I’ve never been there. Plus, our hotel is like right in the city so I bet we’ll have an amazing view.

I dragged my bags out of the room and struggled to get everything out. I looked up to see Justin running out of the elevator to help me, “I got it” he smiled, “What’s up Gianna?”

“Hey, thanks” I smiled as I followed him to the elevator just in time to watch it close, “Oh no” I laughed, there goes all his luggage

“That sucks” he laughed as he pressed the call button over and over again

“They’re going to steal your stuff”

“Nah” he laughed and then got quiet, “You think?”

I shrugged, “There’s probably people waiting for you down there right?” he nodded his head, “Then you’re fine”

“I hope so” he laughed, “Anyway, how are you doing Gi? Did you sleep alright?”

“Yes, thank you. Did you?”

“I did” he smiled and nodded his head, I really don’t want things to be awkward but I sure as hell don’t know how to make them less awkward. The elevator door opened and his luggage was not on it, he laughed, “This might not be good,” he said as he pulled my suitcase in and I followed him. He put his hand on the back of my neck and started to massage it, “When are we going to make that drink?”

“Whenever you want” I shrugged

“Alright” he smiled, “Your rash is gone” I nodded my head, “I got you some calamine lotion, but it’s in my bag” he said as he moved his hand to my lower back and rubbed it gently, “So that might not be helpful”

That’s really sweet that he would find calamine lotion for me. He really seems so sweet and I do like spending time with him, but I’m still extremely nervous about it, “That’s sweet, thank you”

He nodded his head as we walked out of the elevator to see his security guards with all of his bags standing in front of them, “Ah, we’re good” he laughed as he went to his bags

“You just send them down before you?” one of the security guards asked with a chuckle

“The doors closed before we got everything on,” Justin answered as he grabbed the lotion from his bag and handed it to me, “I’ll see you over there Gi”

“Alright, thank you Justin” he smiled when I called him Justin for the second time. I’m kind of impressed myself actually. He went to his bus and one of his security guards helped me with my bags and I went on mine.
**


I sat in front of the mirror as Stacy finished my makeup, “I really think it’s too much”

“It’s not too much” she answered as she grabbed the lipstick; “I’m sick of you fighting this,” she answered with a smile. I have had something to say about it since the first day. But there is definitely too much. Not even to mention how I’m starting to break out because of all the makeup.

“Do it on someone else and let me see. Because seriously I feel like I look like a fool”

“You will look like a fool if you don’t put any on. Trust me Gianna, what do I have to do to get it to sink in?” she asked as Justin walked by and she called him over, “Would you please tell her that she needs really heavy makeup to go on stage?”

He smiled and nodded his head “You do Gi”

“But this much? I look like a clown”

“You look good Gianna, I have to get to sound check, I’ll see you later”

Stacy laughed as he walked away, “He said you look good” she offered in a singsong

“Like he’s going to be no Gianna, you kind of look like a clown”

“He would say that” she answered seriously, “He would totally tell you if you look like a clown”

He would not, but thanks for the effort, “Are you done with me?”

“I am done with you, Relax. You look hot”

“Hot?” I’ve never been called hot in my life, “I’m going to go do yoga”

“Have fun”

Oh I will. I walked back to my room and passed a lot of people on the way. They all kind of just look at me, but I try to be outgoing enough to say hi but clearly that doesn’t happen. So, I went back to my room and blasted the Enya.

Awhile later I heard the door open and looked back to see Snuckums walk in. “I need to start doing this shit it’s the only way I can hang out with you before the show”

“You should try it” I smiled as I continued, “It relaxes you”

“Does it relax you?”

“Yes, you should see me when I don’t do yoga”

He laughed, “I have ten minutes”

“OK” I turned the music off, “What do you need?” that probably sounded a little rude.

Justin sat down on the couch and I followed him, “I just wanted to make sure you understand the bet”

“I understand it”

He laughed and wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to himself, “What are you going to say Pooky?”

“That you’re cool and you’re awesome and you’re always right”

“Sounds good”

“Sounds awesome,” I answered and he laughed and kissed my forehead

“How’s it going Gi? Is everything all right? Are you getting everything you need?”

I nodded my head, “Just my yoga time keeps getting interrupted”

“I’ll work on that,” he laughed before kissing me gently. I do enjoy kissing him, that’s for sure. And I have no hives as of yet. Very impressive, if I do say so myself.

“OK”

“Are you going to come on my bus after the show?”

“Do you want me to come on your bus after the show”

“Obviously or I wouldn’t have asked you”

“OK”

“OK” he laughed as he stood up and then leaned down to kiss me one last time, “Break a leg Gianna, not literally”

“Thank you Snuckums” I said as he gave me a wave on his way out. I don’t have any hives, that is very surprising,

Before I knew it I was backstage ready to go on. Rachael came down and handed me a shot of tequila and I downed it, “I feel bad you have to bring this to me every night. I could get it myself”

“It’s not a big deal” she smiled, “Have a good show”

“Thank you”

When I got onstage I actually was able to get through the first few songs without being so scared. I’m really getting good at this. I wonder how long it will be before I’m not scared at all.

“Alright, let’s talk about Justin Timberlake for a second” I had to pause because everyone was screaming so much. It is really amazing that they get so excited just at the mention of his name. They’re at his concert. It’s not like he’s a surprise guest or something, he’s going to be here. “So I just um… I just wanted to put it out there that I think he’s amazing. And he’s awesome and he’s my hero and I want to be just like him” I paused to laugh because people were kind of not sure if they should laugh or scream, “He’s also always right, and I’m never right so…yeah”




After the show I went on Justin’s bus for the five-hour drive to New York City. “Good job with the bet”

“Yeah. Anytime” I laughed

“Do you mind if I take a shower quick?”

“No, of course not”

“Alright. I’ll be fast, make yourself at home,” he said as he tossed the remote to me. I sat down on his bed and just kind of looked around. I’ve been on his bus before but never while he was taking a shower. Oh, and have I mentioned that his shower is like right there in the hall? There is nothing blocking it except the see thru door. I could literally walk up to the front to get a drink and see his naked self taking a shower.

I felt my hives and quickly shook my head to try and forget the fact that a very naked Justin was just a few feet away from me. I quickly grabbed the calamine lotion Justin gave me and rubbed it all over my neck and turned the television on to get my mind off it. Then I heard him starting to sing and I pressed mute.

He came out a few minutes later wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a Red Sox tee shirt and jumped on the bed, “I hate that I’m so wide awake after the show and we have to drive on a bus for five hours. It would be the perfect time to sleep, but there’s no possible way of sleeping” he paused when he noticed my hives and I felt them spreading because of it, “Do I make you nervous?”

“No” I answered quickly, “I’m just like… weird. You’ll have to deal with that”

He laughed as he moved closer to me; “I can deal with it” he said softly and then kissed me. It still felt like the first kiss, maybe because this time I was sure he wasn’t drunk. I knew he wasn’t drunk last night either, but it seemed like a good reason as to why he would want to kiss me as much as he did. But it was now clear that he does want to kiss me.




“Gianna” I heard my name and felt two hands shaking me and I woke up. I opened my eyes slowly, looked up to see Justin and closed my eyes again.

I heard him laugh, “Pooky wake up, we’re here” I opened my eyes again and stretched my arms over my head, “You were not waking up, I was getting worried”

“I’m a heavy sleeper” I said softly and closed my eyes again

“I see that. We have to go in. The bed inside is more comfortable” I opened my eyes to see him smile. He grabbed onto my hands and pulled me up and then kissed my forehead, “You’re adorable”

“I’m tired”

“Yeah me too, but we have the day off. I’ll call you later on” he yawned, “And we’ll go to that place I told you about later” he said as we stepped on the elevator

“Ok, but the phone won’t wake me up”

He smiled, “Alright, why don’t you call me when you wake up?” I nodded my head and we stopped in front of my door, “Goodnight Pooky” he kissed me gently on the lips

“Goodnight Snuckums”

Surprisingly enough, I woke up to hear someone banging on my door. At first I ignored it but then I thought there might be a fire or something. That would be horrible if I died in a hotel room because of a fire. Then the fireman would be interviewed on the news and tell everyone that he was knocking on the door but I just wouldn’t answer.

When I got to the door I had mixed feelings. It was Justin. On one hand I was happy to see him, but on the other I was expecting a fire. I looked around and he laughed. He laughs a lot, I still haven’t figured out if he’s laughing with me or at me. I shouldn’t get upset yet. Maybe there is a fire, and Justin is the one wanting trying to save me.

“Is there a fire?” I asked

“What?”

I guess that means no, I should probably change the subject quickly before I look like more of a crazy person. Although, I’m pretty sure it’d be tough to look crazier in front of him. But with me it’s never possible not to look crazy. “What’s up?”

“I thought you were out somewhere” I shook my head, “Want to go swimming?”

I just noticed for the first time that he had a towel around his neck. And that is definitely a bathing suit he’s wearing, not just a very colorful pair of shorts, “I… just woke up”

“I know, sorry. I thought you’d be up. It is one o’clock” he smiled

“I was tired” Although I did sleep for a while on the bus. OK, it’s safe to say I got a lot of sleep, “Alright. Let me get changed”

He nodded his head and followed me inside. I grabbed my suit and quickly got changed in the bathroom. When I came out Justin was sitting on the couch and he stood up when I came out, “Yeah. Let’s go”

“Are there a lot of people in the pool?”

“Nah” he laughed, “It’s a secret pool, just you and me kid,” he whispered

“A secret pool?”

“Yeah Pooky, a private pool” I followed him down the hallway going in and out, turning here and there. Now that I’ve been thinking about that fire, if there is one there is no way we’d be able to find out way out, “Are you alright?” I nodded my head, “You look like you’re really thinking about something”

I shook my head, he already thinks I’m crazy I shouldn’t tell him what I’m thinking, “When you banged on my door I thought there was a fire and you were a fireman trying to get me out” ok… my mind and my mouth really should work together, “So I was thinking if there was a fire there’d be no way we’d make it out because you’re taking me down all these secret passages”

He laughed and… here it comes, his head is going back, “It’s a good thing we’ll be at the pool with water so the fire can’t touch us”

“I guess. But if the fire is around us it will make the whole building collapse”

“But… even if we collapse the water will put the fire out below us. So even though we will crash down twenty stories we will not crash into fire”

“Very true” I laughed. I like the fact that he doesn’t call me crazy and he goes along with it, even if it’s just to humor me.

“Are you a jumper or a feeler?”

“What?”

“Do you jump in or feel it first and take your time?”

“I jump in”

“Good. I can’t deal with that feeling the water first shit,” he said very seriously. He seems like he’s had past problems with people feeling the water before jumping in.

“You are very serious about that”

“I am very serious about that,” he laughed, “So when I throw you in you’re not going to get pissed?”

“You’re not going to throw me in”

“Oh I’m not?”

“No. I’ll push you in first”

“Yeah? Alright Pooky” he said as he picked me up before we even got into the pool area.

“OK, that’s not fair. Let me just take my shirt off first, this is my favorite shirt”

He stopped in his tracks and looked at me for a second, he might be buying it, “That’s your favorite shirt huh?” I nodded my head and looked at my old high school shirt that I was wearing. Yeah, high school, as in a very old shirt, “You wash it with water”

“Yeah, but there’s chlorine in the water here”

“It’s a white shirt, it’ll be fine” and with that Snuckums jumped in with me in his arms

“You cheated because I couldn’t push you in, you carried me into the pool area”

“That is not cheating” Justin laughed as he pulled his towel from under water, rang it out and threw it up on a chair

“Now we don’t have towels smart one,” I said as I tried to ring mine out but he grabbed it from me

“We’ll be alright” he said as he threw it on the chair, “You know what’s fun to do in the water?”

“What?”

“Yoga” he said seriously and started to move his hands like he was doing yoga.

I laughed, “Do you really think I’m obsessed with yoga?”

“Nah” he laughed as he continued, “I’m here to learn. Yoga is good for your mind, body and soul”

“It is,” I laughed as I watched him, he looks like a fool. But he keeps doing it, “OK, stop”

Justin laughed and swam over to me. He just stared at me; I probably have boogers or something. Oh my gosh, I bet I still have crust in my eyes, I didn’t even check them before I left. He’s still just looking at me, “What?”

“Huh?” he asked before going under water quickly, “I have to go to an interview”

“You don’t sound so excited”

“I’m not” he smiled, “I’d rather stay here and work on my yoga with you” I’m not exactly sure if he meant he wants to stay here with me or he just doesn’t want to go to the interview. It could go either way. I was trying to figure it out as he got out of the water, “Ready?” he asked before holding his hands down and pulling me up on the side of the pool.


“Thank you”

“Thank you” he grabbed a towel from the basket but there was only one left, “It’s yours,” he said as he wrapped it around me and rubbed my shoulders, “You’re shaking”

“It’s cold”

“I guess” Justin laughed as he continued rubbing my shoulders as we walked back to my room, “So we’re still on for tonight?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah”

“Alright, I’ll see you later then”

“Have fun at your interview”

“Have fun with your yoga” he smiled as he walked away, “Bye Pooky”




I did do yoga once Justin left. I wasn’t planning on it but since he mentioned it so much it kind of made me feel like doing it again. Whatever. I spent the rest of the day just relaxing and watching television. It wasn’t really that long, since I did wake up at one o’clock.

“The big guy has to come, is that alright?” Justin asked as we made it downstairs.

I nodded my head when I looked back and saw his security guard following us. Who am I to say he can’t come? I would kind of rather him come. It’s good to know if something were to happen to Justin I wouldn’t be expected to be the one to fight off people. I would not be much help, that’s for sure.

We walked through the lobby and people just kind of stopped and stared at him. I looked over at Justin and he smiled and waved. He’s really good with all this attention. I feel like people are looking at me wondering why the hell I’m with him.

“Sorry about all that” Justin said once we got into the car

“It’s ok. You get used to it huh?”

“Yeah” he laughed, “To a certain extent. I mean, it’s still weird that people find out what hotel I’m staying in and hang out in the lobby all day waiting for me to come out. But, you get used to it. You’ll get used to it”

“It’ll never be that bad for me”

He smiled and rested his hand on my leg, “I really think it will be”

“You have this weird faith in me that no one else does”

“You’ve got it Gi”

“And what is it?”

“It’s… it. You either have it or you don’t and you’ve got it. It’s that spark, that fire. The voice, the talent, the looks, the personality,”

“The panic attacks” I added

He laughed, “Forget about the panic attacks. You haven’t had one in awhile” he paused, “You’re the whole package Gi. And it’s just a matter of time before everyone else gets to know you and see it too” That was really sweet. He knows the right thing to say, that’s for sure.

“Thanks Snuckums”

He smiled and grabbed onto my hand, “There will probably be a lot of people outside of my restaurant. We can sneak in the back if you want”

“No, that’s ok” I paused, “Wait, did you just say YOUR restaurant” he nodded his head, “What do you mean YOUR restaurant?”

“Like… I own it”

“You own a restaurant?”

“I do” he laughed, “I told you I’m a Jack of all Trades”

“Is it all your secret recipes?” he laughed and nodded his head, “Is there a bar?”

“Of course”

“Can we put our drink on the menu?”

He threw his head back as he laughed. I’m starting to like it when he does that, it’s kind of cute, “We’ll have to make it up first”

“It would be a good way to make up for the fact that you ruined my other drink”

“You’re never going to get over that huh Pooky?” he asked with a smile and I shook my head, “I’ll see what I can do”

When we got to Justin’s restaurant (I still can’t believe he has a restaurant) there were a lot of people waiting outside. Even when we got inside it seemed like everyone was looking at us to see what he was doing.

“This is a really cool restaurant,” I said as I looked around. It is really cool. It makes me feel like I’m back home it sure is southern enough.

He nodded his head and smiled. I swear I even saw him blush a little. He’s really cute when he gets all embarrassed. I always figured he was so cool and collect and confident but he really is just like a normal person. I like that, “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know everything looks good. Do you have suggestions?”

“Sure, well everything is good obviously. I’m a rib man myself. Do you like nachos?” I nodded my head, “Alright we have to get the nachos”

Honest to goodness that was the best food I’ve had in a real long time. I’m not just saying it either. I never knew how much I missed the food back home until I ate that food. We even got to go to the back and watch them make it.

“That was amazing. I had so much fun, thank you,” I said as we drove away from the restaurant.

“Yeah, it was good” Justin nodded his head as his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID, “It’s Johnny, sorry”

I started listening to his conversation but all the lights in New York City quickly distracted me. I’ve never been here before and it is really more beautiful than I had ever imagined. I love how there’s so many different kinds of people everywhere and there’s so much going on. I bet if I were to go outside and 4 in the morning I could find somewhere to go.

“He’s been trying to call you” Justin spoke to break me from my daydreaming

“Oh? My phone…” I paused as I looked for it in my purse, “Oh. I must have forgot it at the hotel” It sure wouldn’t be the first time. I tend to always forget my phone. I should be more careful.

“Yeah” Justin laughed, “He got a call from the people at Cosmo magazine and they want to do an article on you for their next big thing issue” I couldn’t help but just stare at him. It didn’t really sink in right away. Cosmopolitan magazine wants ME to be in their next big thing issue? Is this a joke? He smiled like he was saying ‘I told you so’ and I could feel myself hyperventilating as he spoke again, “Don’t freak out, it’s not a big deal” he said as he immediately moved his hand to my leg. I know it’s stupid but just having him there with me makes me feel much better, Of course not good enough that I’m not going to have panic attack number… I don’t even know anymore. I’ve had too many in front of Justin Timberlake to even keep track.

“I can’t do it. Did you tell him no?”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“When?”

“Tomorrow”

“Tomorrow?” I shouted that gives me absolutely no time to plan. I need time to plan. I need to research questions I will be asked and come up with cute witty answers. “I can’t tomorrow”

“Why not?”

“I can’t tomorrow” I repeated, “We have a show”

“They want to do it at around ten. You’ll be done by noon or one at the latest”

“But I like to be at the stage by eleven” I’m not so much panicking at this time, I’m more making excuses. It’s like I would do with Maggie. She makes me calm enough that I don’t have to have a panic attack in front of her, but I can just make up excuses to get out of it.

Justin smiled and rubbed my leg, “You’ll have plenty of time”

“I have a migraine” I went with the standby excuse

“Right now?” he asked, I nodded my head, “Take some Excedrin and you’ll be fine by tomorrow”

I shook my head, shit. I should have said I didn’t have a migraine but I could tell I would have one tomorrow, “I can’t do it Snuckums”

“Yes you can. Of course you can. You have to. It’s easy. All you have to do is go in and they’re going to ask you a couple questions, literally about five questions. Then they do a shoot for twenty minutes and you leave” A shoot? They’re going to photograph me? Oh no, definitely not. I have a huge crater under my nose.

“No”

“Gianna” he’s giving me the look like Maggie does when she thinks I’m being crazy. I know I’m being crazy but the fact remains that I have a crater under my nose.

“I have a crater”

He laughed, throwing his head back. I changed my mind about that laugh once again; I don’t like it when he does it, “You do not have a crater”

He laughed again at the look I gave him. “Don’t try and make me feel better Justin Timberlake, I have a crater” I pointed it out

“You’re calling me by my full name again. This could be trouble” the smile faded off his face, “You don’t need to be nervous about it. I’m telling you it’s the easiest thing in the world. They’ll Photoshop your crater” so he’s admitting that I do have a crater. I knew it. I knew it was taking over my face and I bet they’ll even be able to see it when I’m on stage tomorrow. I bet the photography guy is going to tell me that they can’t get rid of my zit because it’s taking over my whole face and there’s not enough makeup and cover-up magic in the world, “It helps to go over questions. I’ll help you later”

“I can’t do it. Tell him I can’t”

“I’m not telling him shit,” he said as the car stopped in front of the bar. I don’t like him anymore. I changed my mind. “Just calm down you have to do it. If you want to ruin your career then go for it but I’m not going to call and make excuses for you”

Now he’s mad at me. Great. He opened the door and walked into the bar leaving me all alone in the car.

I sat alone in the car thinking about what was going on. OK, obviously I’m going to do it but he doesn’t have to be such a jerk about it. Although I am putting him through a lot of shit. He shouldn’t have said that though.

Why did he just leave me? I don’t even know what to do now. I took a deep breath and decided I should just go in. The driver was looking back at me wondering what I was still doing there so I thought I’d leave him alone. I walked inside and saw Justin standing at the bar with his security guard. They were talking about something but I didn’t know what. Although there were a good number of people there no one was really looking at Justin as if he were someone special. That’s cool. Come to think of it there are a lot of times I’ve been with him where people didn’t really care. I think he knows all the good hideouts where he can go and just be normal because there have also been times where he can’t even walk people are freaking out so much.

I walked over to them and Justin looked up at me but didn’t say anything, “Can I borrow your phone?” he reached into his pocket and handed me the phone, still not speaking to me, “Thank you” I said as I walked back outside. He really is mad at me. I can’t deal with him being mad at me right now. I kind of need him. I’m being selfish.

After I called Johnny I went back inside. I sat down next to Justin and handed him back his phone, “Thank you” I said but I’m pretty sure he couldn’t hear me it’s too loud. He nodded his head; all right maybe he could hear me, and then slide over one of my drinks… or a Sloe Gin Collins. I thanked him again and he nodded his head again.

He moved close to talk into my ear, “Sorry. I just…”

“It’s ok. You were right”

He nodded his head, “I know, but I mean… it’s just a big thing to get that and you acted like you didn’t even want it. But I know you do, it’s just the way you deal with that shit”

“Sorry”

“No, it’s cool. I get it. Come dance, make me feel better” he smiled and grabbed onto my hands and pulled me out to the so-called dance floor in front of the band. I don’t dance, but I figured now wouldn’t be a good time to tell him that. He obviously dances. But it’s slow music; it’s just kind of rocking back and forth. I can do that. Justin wrapped his arms around my waist and at that moment I realized that dancing isn’t all that bad.

The actual reason why I hate dancing all goes back to freshman year of high school when I went to the Welcome to School Dance and Brody Jones asked me to dance. I felt bad and said yes but it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I still feel sick thinking about it. But Justin doesn’t make me feel sick, in fact, quite the opposite. He makes me feel comfortable and as if I could stay like this with him forever.

The song ended and I silently cursed the band for not going into another song right away, “I’m not letting go yet”

I laughed as I looked up at him, “Are you feeling better?”

He shrugged, still holding on to me tightly. It feels really good that he actually wants to hold on to me. He moved his head down and kissed under my ear, “Yeah, I’m feeling better”

“Good. This is a really cute place, it’s nice and quiet and…”

“Yeah]. Do you want to leave?” he broke in, “We can think of questions and stuff for the…” he stopped when I nodded my head. He stopped mid sentence, grabbed my hand and before I knew it we were back in the car making out. We seem to make out a lot. Is that normal? I guess it’s normal. It’s just not really normal for me. I’m not complaining.

We stopped in front of my door and just kind of looked at each other, “I want you to come in” Shit. I probably should have asked him if he wanted to come in. I think you’re supposed to play hard to get a little bit.

He laughed before kissing me quickly on the lips, “I want to come in”

Perfect. That works out. I had a little trouble with the key, possibly because Justin Timberlake… Snuckums was kissing my neck and distracting me. He laughed and grabbed the key from my hand and unlocked the door then once again before I knew it we were on my bed doing what we do best.

I was absolutely fine. I felt like I was on top of the world and maybe I would make it a whole night without getting hives of any kind. But obviously that didn’t happen. He slowly slid his hand up my shirt and the hives slowly slid down my neck.

He must have noticed them because he stopped, “Do you want me to stop?” he asked as he pulled away from me

“No” I shook my head, “Just don’t… look at them”

“Do I make you nervous?” he asked still looking at my neck and not my face.

“You do when you look at it”

Justin smiled and looked up at me, “Sorry” he said and then rubbed my neck and kissed it gently, “I want them to go away”

“Me too. Stop looking at them and they will”

“Alright” he laughed and went back to kissing me, the he stopped again. Why does he keep stopping? “Do I seriously make you uncomfortable?”

“No. Can you stop stopping?” I asked and for the first time I actually kissed him first. I guess he liked that I was actually the one kissing him because I quickly felt my shirt being pulled over my head. I pulled his shirt off and then reached over to turn the light off next to the bed. Justin kissed down my chest before I had to stop him, “Wait, sorry”

“What?”

“I just… need to… the light is on”

“What light?”

“In the bathroom” I said as I tried to get up but he held onto me

“Come on Gi, the door’s shut you can hardly see the light”

“I just… it’s going to bother me” I felt his grip loosen and made my way to the bathroom to turn off the light. I guess he’s learning that if something is bothering me we need to fix it quick or I might go crazy or something.

“Oww” I screamed as I walked back in the pitch darkness and stubbed my toe on something.

I heard Justin laughing, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah I just… hurt my toe,” I said as I fell back on the bed and we tried to continue where we left off, but it was a little difficult, seeing that it is pitch black.

“Pooky, I need some kind of a light. It’s pitch black, I can’t see anything”

“That’s kind of the point”

“No” he laughed softly, “We have to come to some sort of a compromise here, I feel like I’m all alone here. I need to be able to see you, at least an outline or something”

I really don’t want him to see me naked, not even an outline. I felt him get up and he turned on the lamp furthest away from us and then draped his shirt over it, “That’s it,” he said, “It’s hardly on at all”

I nodded my head, “Alright” I said softly as he crawled back on top of me, alright, this whole being able to see him thing won’t be so bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“What makes you different from all the other people out there?”

“It’s all me. I write everything, I sing it, I play the music. There’s no middle man, it’s just me”

“How would you describe your sound?”

“Nora Jones meets Joss Stone but better”

Justin laughed as he ran his hands through my hair, “You can’t say that. It’s true, but you don’t want to say that”

“What should I say?”

“Soul and rock and blues and jazz” he paused, “Everything all mixed together to make one smooth, coherent sound”

“OK” I answered as I played with his fingers as we lay in bed together. He was trying to help me with the big interview tomorrow although we weren’t getting too many questions down

“What is it like being on tour with the sexiest man in music?”

“No, I’m not on tour with Keith Urban, I’m on tour with Justin Timberlake”

“Ouch” he laughed and pulled me closer to him, “Keith Urban? Really?”

“Don’t get jealous Snuckums”

“I’m not jealous but… Keith Urban? He’s a crack head”

“That’s ok” I think it’s kind of cute that he’s getting jealous, “Keep going with the questions”

“Alright. Who are your favorites in music?”

“Sinatra, The Beatles, Etta James, James Taylor”

“What about music today?”

“Um…” I’m trying to think of someone that I like but honestly there’s not too many. I’m kind of stuck with the older music.

Justin laughed, “You really don’t like anyone?”

“I don’t know music kind of sucks recently. Except you of course”

“Oh yeah, of course” he laughed. He thinks I’m just saying that but honestly he knows what he’s doing and his music is good. I can’t think of too many people out there that are. Everyone just sings about sex and drugs and guns. I think I’m getting old, I feel like a grandmother.

“I’m serious. You and Michael Buble, I like him”

“Alright. Who do you want to work with?”

“Frank Sinatra”

“That’d be pretty amazing”

“I know huh? That would make my life”

“Go to sleep Gi, if you’re up all night you’re going to have bags under your eyes”

“Then stop talking to me”

He laughed before kissing the back of my neck, “Goodnight Pooky”

“Goodnight Snuckums”

When my alarms went off the next morning I heard Justin scream and he literally jumped out of bed and threw his clothes on, “What the hell is that? Get up Gi”

“Calm down, it’s just the alarm” I said as I stretched my arms over my head and then did my best to get dressed under the covers. That is quite difficult, I’ve never had to do it before.

“Just the alarm? That’s your alarm?” he asked with a chuckle as I turned them off, “I thought it was a fucking nuclear attack”

“Sorry, I’m a heavy sleeper”

“I get that. I’m not though, I would have woke you up after one alarm went off”

“Yeah but I didn’t know you’d be here and I didn’t want to chance it. This is a big deal Snuckums”

“It sure is,” he laughed as he watched me struggling to get changed under the covers, “I’ll turn around”

As soon as he turned around I jumped out from under the covers and quickly got changed. He thinks I’m crazy, I’m sure of it. I am a little crazy, but he probably thinks I’m like insane, “OK, you can turn around”

He turned around and smiled, “Are you ready for this?”

I nodded my head, “As much as I can be I guess”

“Don’t be nervous,” he said as he put his arms on my shoulders, “Just be yourself and you’ll be fine”

I nodded my head; I sure hope I’ll be fine. I also hope I don’t have a panic attack, “I wish you could come” I probably shouldn’t have said that aloud either.

“You’ll be fine. But I want to hear all about it when you get back all right? So come find me”

“I will”

“Alright” he pulled me into a tight hug, “You got this. Don’t freak out” I do wish he could come with me. That would make me feel much better. When he pulled away from me he actually laughed at me, not even a little chuckle, full out laughing. “You look scared to death”

“I am scared to death”

“I know. It’s really not that big of a deal. Relax”

“What if they ask me something I don’t know the answer to?”

“What could you possibly not know the answer to? It’s about you and your music. They’re not going to be asking you about the current czar of Russia”

“Russia doesn’t have a czar anymore, they have a president. Vladimir Putin” I would rather them ask me about that.

“The point is you’re going to be fine” he laughed, “Johnny will be there” I nodded my head as he spoke, “I’m surprised you got any sleep”

“Me too”

“Have fun. It’s supposed to be fun. I’ll see you later, come find me. I’ll do yoga with you if need be” he smiled, “Bye Pooky”

“Bye” I really don’t want him to leave. I wish he could come with me, I don’t really understand why he can’t. I guess he has to do his own stuff. It would be kind of asking a lot for him to skip his interviews so he could help me get through mine.

I walked down the hall and almost turned back around three times. Although I know that I need to do this because it’s going to be a big step for my career, the real reason why I’m going is because I know Justin would never talk to me again if I didn’t.

Johnny was waiting downstairs. He tried to explain what was going on but I found it very difficult to listen. I’m freaking out, but not as much as I expected. It took me a few seconds before I could actually get out of the car once we got there. I had to pump myself up a little. This is a good thing. Justin’s right, they’re not going to ask me anything I don’t know.

I followed Johnny upstairs and we were met right away with a couple people. I wasn’t really listening to what anyone was saying. I was just too nervous. I’m waiting to have a panic attack; it’s going to come at any second.

We went into a small room where a lady was sitting down. She stood up when we walked in and introduced herself, I couldn’t tell you her name. I wasn’t playing attention I was trying not to have a panic attack. But she was really nice and friendly and she didn’t make me nervous as soon as she started talking. It was like we were just having a conversation, “So Gianna, how would you describe your sound?”

I smiled to myself, we went over this last night, “Soul and rock and blues and jazz. Everything all mixed together to make one smooth, coherent sound”

“Who are you influences?”

“Frank Sinatra, The Beatles and Etta James”

“And you’re on tour with Justin Timberlake?” I nodded my head, “What’s it like?”

Now I’m not nervous at all. She’s asking everything we went over, he wasn’t kidding when he said he knew what they’d ask. “It’s so much fun. I’ve never done a tour before never mind a tour with so many dates and so many people in the audience. But I’m really having a ball, it’s like I’m living in a dream”

“That’s great. Now what’s going on with you and Justin?” I gave her a confused look, “It’s all over the tabloids that you’re together”

“Oh. I don’t read the tabloids so…”

“Are you dating?” she just got right to it. This is one question we did not go over. First of all I don’t even know if we’re dating. I guess we’re dating, but like I don’t think he’d call me his girlfriend. I don’t think I’d call him my boyfriend. But even if we are dating it’s not like I’m going to tell her about it. OK, I’m having an inner crisis. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that. I don’t think I want people to get involved and think things about me. But I also don’t want to lie to her. If we are dating I don’t want to say we’re not and then she finds out soon that we are and then she’ll think I’m a liar. And how horrible would it be if I said we were dating and then Justin reads the article and has to tell me that there is no way we are dating. Then I’ll feel like a complete idiot.

“Don’t answer that,” Johnny said to me, “She’s not going to answer any personal questions” Thank you Johnny. He saved me on that one, that’s for sure.

“OK, I’m sorry” she said quietly, “What makes you different from all the other people out there?”

“It’s all me, I do it all. It’s really me on this CD, after you listen to it you know exactly what has been going on in my life”

“Great. Thank you sweetie. You can follow me and we’ll get you all situated for the shoot”

Johnny pulled me aside before I went into the other room, “You don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to. Don’t think you have to answer it if they ask it” I nodded my head, “You’re doing great Gianna”

Now that photo shoot was possibly the weirdest thing I’ve ever done in my life. They told me to put my hands this way and look that way and stick out my shoulders. I felt so weird. But then they showed me the proofs and I swear my mouth dropped, “That’s me?”

“Of course that’s you” the photographer laughed, “You look good huh?”

I nodded my head; I can’t want to show Justin, “Can I take them with me?”

He handed me the proofs, “Go crazy, I’ll see you later hunny”

As we drove to the venue I just continued looking at the proofs. I can’t believe that’s me. “It wasn’t that bad now was it?” Johnny asked

“No” I smiled, “It was kind of fun”

“Good” he laughed, “You did great”

“Thank you”

As soon as we got to the venue I ran to find Justin. I didn’t literally run because I didn’t want my hair and makeup to get ruined so I just walked really quickly. I walked right into his room before realizing that I probably should have knocked.

“Whoa” Justin said as he stood up when he saw me, “Look at you” he grabbed onto my hand, “Turn around, let me see you” I smiled as I turned around, “You look amazing”

“Right?” I grabbed the proofs from my bag, “You have to see these pictures. I look hot Snuckums”

He laughed, “You always look hot,” he said before grabbing the pictures. That was a surprise that he just called me hot, especially the fact that he said I always look hot. That makes me laugh a little; I definitely do not always look hot, “Whoa. Look at that one. Very sexy look you got going on there”

“I know right? I’m so not sexy, they work magic, you were right”

“You are incredibly sexy,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me, “But this could be trouble”

“Why?”

“Because now you know you’re sexy. That’s always trouble. You’re going to leave me for a younger sexier man”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. As if I could even get anyone sexier than Justin Timberlake. I don’t even think such a man exists.

“So I take it everything went well?” I nodded my head, “No tough questions?”

“Everything you said. Except they did ask me about you”

“What about me?”

“They wanted to know what was going on between us”

He laughed, throwing his head back, “Of course they did. What did you say?”

“I said we’re married with three kids”

“Good”

“I didn’t really” I smiled, “I didn’t say anything Johnny told me not to”

He nodded his head, “Next time tell them we’re married with three kids”

“OK, I will”

Justin stretched his hands over his head before looking at his watch, “It’s time for your yoga”

He’s right, it is time for my yoga, “I thought you were doing it with me” I asked with a smile

“I am, that’s why I’m getting up” he held his hand out to help me up, “I’m ready, let’s go”

“Why are you so nice to me?” I didn’t really mean to ask that, but sometimes my mind and my mouth don’t work together. He is extremely nice to me and I don’t really get why. He doesn’t need to spend his time with me; he certainly has plenty of other things to do and other people to spend his time with.

Justin laughed and grabbed onto my arm, “I’m not that nice”

“Yes you are. I thought you’d be an asshole”

“I get that a lot”

“Why?”

“You tell me”

“I don’t know” I shrugged, “I guess because you could be, and it’s kind of expected. No one would look at you weird”

“Except my mother, she’d make me go back home. And my grandmother, forget it. She’d whip me into shape real fast”

“I’m glad,” I laughed

“Yeah. But don’t think I’m doing this for nothing”

“What do you think you’re getting?”

He gave me a cute smile, “Nah, I was just thinking we could play basketball or something”

“OK, I’ll try it” I nodded my head even though I know that I’m not athletic whatsoever. So I’ll probably look like a loser. It doesn’t matter though; if it’s with Justin it will be fun.

“What about orange juice and Malibu rum?” I asked as I looked through the full bar in Justin’s room.

“It’s a Malibu Sunrise”

Fine, “How about lemonade and vodka?”

He laughed, “That’s just spiked lemonade.”

“What about strawberry vodka?”

“Spiked strawberry lemonade” he laughed, “You have to have more ingredients” he stood up and looked behind the bar, “What about… tequila, triple sec, and…”

“Look, there’s tangerine juice” I held it up, “Let’s try that.”

“This could be it,” he said as he poured the juice over the alcohol before putting it up to my mouth to take a sip. That is good. That is very good. I don’t know, it may even be better than my drink, “Yeah?”

“Yeah” I nodded my head, “That’s good. Try it.”

He took a sip and nodded his head, “Yeah, that’s good. It needs something though… like…”

“A cherry” I smiled, “A cherry and some cherry juice.”

“Of course” he grabbed a bottle of cherries and put some in, “It’s done” he held it up to my mouth again.

“I love it.”

“Yeah, it’s good,” he agreed.

“The official G and J.”

“Why are you first?”

“It was my idea to make a drink. You ruined my first one.”

“Alright, fair enough” he smiled, “The official G and J.” Justin held the glass up for a toast.

“And it’s not even a drink.”

Justin laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist, “It’s a tangerine margarita.”

“Nooo”

“But we have the cherry so it’s different.”

“You said before that the cherry doesn’t change it. Mine had a cherry.”

“We have the juice though, so we’re good” he pulled me closer, “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

“I thought you had to do a show.”

“Early, I’ll be done by ten. We could go for a ride.”

I nodded my head, I don’t know where he wants to go for a ride to but we’ll worry about that later. Before I could even ask him I heard a loud crack of thunder and the room lit up from lightning. I don’t like thunderstorms. I’m scared of them. They make me nervous. Are you surprised?

I think I jumped, no I know I jumped, “Are you alright Pooky?”

“That was… loud.”

“Yeah” he laughed, “It’s going to be a good one. We should go sit out on the balcony and watch it.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, why not? It’s far away, we’ll have a great view from up here.”

“There is no way I’m going anywhere near the window let alone the balcony, and neither are you.”

“Why not?”

“You’re not supposed to stay near the window. Come on, we need to turn off the lights and unplug the phone.”

“Gi come on, it’s really far. Come outside with me and watch it.”

“You’re not supposed to go near the window.”

“You know a lot about thunderstorms huh?” I nodded my head, I’ve done my research, they’ve always scared me, “Then we’ll count to see how far away it is. That works right?” he paused when there was lightning and then counted until we heard the thunder, “That’s fifteen seconds, fifteen miles away. When it gets close we’ll come inside” he grabbed onto my hand.

“No. It’s divided by five, so it’s only 3 miles.”

“Are you sure? I thought it was the amount of seconds.”

“Divided by 5, I’m positive.”

“OK, even so it’s three miles away.”

“Three miles is not far.”

“Please, just for a minute. Trust me?”

I took a deep breath before nodding my head before following him outside. As soon as I heard the first sound of thunder I was ready to run back inside. Justin held onto me tightly and wouldn’t let me go, “Calm down Pooky, it’s far away. Just watch it, get over your fear.”

“Yeah, it’s awesome. Can we go inside now?”

“Relax,” he laughed.

“My house got struck by lightning once.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was this huge bang like the house was shaking. And all the electrical sockets flew out of the wall.”

“They did not.”

“Yes they did” why doesn’t he believe me? “They literally flew out.”

“How far?”

“Like across the room.”

“They did not,” he laughed.

“Yes they did. I’m not lying, ask my father.”

“I will. Call him up.”

“I can’t right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s thundering and lightning out and you’re not supposed to use your phone during a storm.”

Justin laughed again and even though he’s behind me and I can’t see him I know he threw his head back when he did, “Oh Gianna. You can call him after then.”

“I will”

“Alright then”

“Can we go inside now?”

“Yes, we can go inside now” he grabbed onto my hand and led me inside, “Want to watch a movie?”

“We can’t have the television on.”

“Come on Gi, there are plenty of people in this hotel with their televisions on.”

“I know but… can we just not turn it on? Please Snuckums?” he nodded his head, the thinks I’m crazy, “You think I’m crazy.”

“Nah, I know you’re crazy” he laughed, “I can think of some things we can do without the lights or phone being plugged in.”

Is he suggesting we have sex again? I must say I’m not opposed to that idea. I don’t want things to be weird between us but they really haven’t been. “Me too. We could play war or scrabble.”

“We could,” he agreed.

“Or we could… write that song.”

“Yeah” he nodded his head. I don’t think that’s what he was going for.

“Do you have any other suggestions?”

He nodded his head and pulled me onto his lap, “We could uh… make shadow puppets.”

“We could. That would be fun.”

“We could do yoga” he rested his head against my back.

“I need Enya and we can’t plug it in.”

“Alright” he said as he moved my hair away from my neck, “We could light candles” he kissed my neck, “And get in the hot tub.”

“We can’t go in the hot tub when there’s lightning Snuckums.”

“I’m willing to take the risk.”

“I’m not” I laughed, “Think of something else.”

“I’m thinking” he answered softly, “We could just light candles and play doctor.”

I heard myself giggle, who giggles? Me apparently, “How do you play doctor?”

“You start by taking off your shirt.”

“Then what?”

“One step at a time, don’t jump ahead.”

I laughed as I pulled my shirt off, “Now what?”

“Then you take off your pants.”

“First you turn off the lights.”

He shook his head, “The doctor can’t work in the dark, come on Pooky.” Justin picked me up and brought me into the bedroom, placing me gently on the bed.

“The lightning though, we can’t have the lights on”

“Gianna, there are how many lights on in this building?”

“That’s fine, but I’m telling you I’m not going to be able to concentrate with the lights on”

He took a deep breath, it’s only a matter of time before he gets sick of all my shit and is done with me. I can’t help it though; it really will bother me, “How about candles? Can you deal with that or is it too much of a fire hazard?”

That was kind of an asshole thing to say. I stood up while he walked to find candles and looked for my shirt, “I’m just going to go back to my room you can keep as many lights on as you want”

“Come on Gi, I was kidding”

“It wasn’t very funny”

“I never said I was funny” he grabbed onto my hands and pulled me closer, “Don’t go, I’m sorry. I’ll turn the light off, we can play scrabble if you want”

“I don’t want to play scrabble”

“Good” he kissed me, “I don’t want to play scrabble either”

“I’m sorry I’m annoying but don’t be mean about it”

“It was a joke. But I won’t. Let’s go to bed”

I woke up the next morning completely on my own. It felt a little weird yet soothing to wake up without the alarm clocks. I stretched my arms over my head and looked to the left to see Justin sitting in a chair by the bed reading.

“I thought you had a show.”

“I did” he closed the book and looked at me, “I’m done. You weren’t kidding when you said you were a heavy sleeper.”

“I know, I’m sorry. What time is it?”

“Noon” he answered with a laugh, “My alarm went off at 5:30 and you slept through it. Then I got changed and you were still sleeping. When I came back at ten you were dead to the world, I had the television on, my phone went off at least five times and it was right next to you.”

I shrugged it doesn’t surprise me. There is a reason why I have so many alarm clocks going off at the same time, “You could have woke me.”

“No, I don’t think I could have,” he chuckled, “its kind of dangerous. What if there was a fire?”

“I never really thought of that” it could be quite dangerous. I guess I’d have to rely on someone else to come save me. That’s asking a lot though. We’ve been drilled since kindergarten that if there was a fire we have to get out of the building as soon as possible. I doubt there are too many people that would come up to my room to save me. Not even to mention that they’d have to break into my room, bust the door down, and carry me out. I wonder if there’s some way to make me less of a heavy sleeper?

“I should not have said that, now you’re going to be worrying about it for the rest of your life.”

“No I’m not. But seriously, what if…”

“You would hear it. It vibrates your eardrum so even deaf people can hear it. You’re not deaf when you’re sleeping you’ll hear it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive Pooky. Do you want to get ready so we can go?”

I nodded my head and went to get up when I realized I once again didn’t have any clothes on, “Can you like…”

“Yes, I can like…” he said as he stood up and walked out of the room. He is clearly annoyed with the fact that I asked him to leave, but I really meant he could just look the other way. I know that I should be all right with him seeing me without my clothes on but I’m not. It’s not him. I’m just not comfortable naked even by myself.

We made our way downstairs and to a rental car Justin had waiting. “How was your thing?” I asked him as we drove away.

“Fine, just the usual” he nodded his head, “You don’t have anything today right?”

I shook my head, “I don’t have anything ever. Just the show tomorrow.”

He smiled, “Did you hear anything about a video?”

“No, did you?”

“Nah” he laughed, “But you should be making one soon. I would think, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

He laughed, “You’re going to be going Hollywood soon Pooky.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just for a ride. When is your father coming up?”

“Next weekend”

“Are you excited?” he asked and I nodded my head, “Is your sister coming up too?”

“Yes”

“Cool. I want to meet them.”

“You will” I smiled, it’s kind of cute that he wants to meet them or even that he cares.

“Yeah, I need to talk to him about those sockets flying out of the wall.”

“They did.”

Justin laughed and nodded his head, “I know they did.” He said as he rested his hands on my leg.

“Where are we going?”

“For a ride” he said as he pulled off an exit.

“A ride to where?”

“I don’t know, just a ride,” he answered as he turned down random streets. I sat quietly wondering why he was taking me to a random place. Or maybe he is just driving, but I don’t really understand why anyone would want to do that.

I managed to keep my thoughts about this strange way to spend the day to myself, but after a couple hours of driving around without any sense of direction whatsoever I couldn’t take it.

“I didn’t know you knew your way around Connecticut.”

“I don’t,” he answered with a smile, still looking at the road.

“But you know where we are right?”

He looked over at me and laughed, “No idea”

“Are you serious?”

“Very.”

“Why are you purposely getting lost?” am I missing something here?

“Why not? It’s fun” I really think he’s crazy. How is it fun to get lost in a state you’ve never been to? “This is killing you huh?” Justin asked with a chuckle.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You need to be in control and this is killing you. Relax. We’re going wherever the wind takes us.”

“But what if we can’t find our way back?”

“The hotel is right off the highway, we’ll find our way back. You’re always so nervous. Live on the edge.”

I nodded my head but I really think this is quite possibly the dumbest idea ever. There are stories of people who got lost while driving and have died. Sure, they may have been snowed in during a blizzard but who is to say there’s not going to be a freak blizzard in the middle of August?

“I just don’t get the point of riding around in a state we’ve never been to just to get lost.”

Justin licked his lips and I could see his neck tense up. He moved his right hand from the steering wheel and rubbed the back of his neck, “I thought it would be a good idea to just drive around without any plans and just see what we can find.”

“I like to know what I’m doing and where I’m going.”

He licked his lips again, this time looking right at me, “Do you want to go back then?”

“I thought you didn’t know your way back.” That came out a lot more bitchy than I had planned.

“I’ll turn around then, I can find the way back.”

“No, I just don’t get it. Explain to me how this is fun. I’m missing something.”

“Oh my god Gianna” he said before taking a deep breath and making a three point turn in the middle of the street, “We’ll go back, forget it.”

“I just…”

“No, we’ll just go back” he broke in before I could finish. “We’ll just go back and watch a movie or something like we do every damn day. God forbid we try something different.”

Well today sure is a fun day. He’s clearly angry, I don’t really understand why. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful or anything I just honestly do not understand how it is fun to get lost in a state we’ve never been to. People don’t like to get lost. People get angry when they get lost. It’s not like I’m the only one.

It is safe to say there was not much talking on the drive back to the hotel. We were almost back when we were stopped at a red light and Justin stopped right on the train tracks, “You’re stopped on the train tracks.”

“There’s a red light.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t stop on the tracks.” I tried to keep my mouth shut, I really did but I just can’t. I know he’s going to get upset and I wish I was able to just shut up and deal with the fact that we are stopped on train tracks for a couple seconds. “What if a train were to come?”

“I’d move out of the way.”

“What if a car came behind you and you couldn’t?”

“Do you see any other cars?”

“It just makes me nervous.”

“Of course it does. Is there anything you’re not afraid of? Do you think you could give me a list of all your fears and things that make you nervous sometime? Better yet you should make a list of the things that you’re not afraid of, I’m sure it will be a hell of a lot shorter.”

Wow. So much for him being a nice person. That was a little low and extremely uncalled for. He pulled into the parking garage of the hotel a few seconds later so I luckily didn’t have to deal with it anymore. It’s already dark out; we were out getting lost for a while.

We walked through the lobby in silence. A few people recognized Justin but he just ignored them completely. He usually at least smiles or waves but this time he didn’t even look at them. The ride up the elevator was also silent.

He took a deep breath when the elevator door opened, “This isn’t working, is it?”

I shook my head, “No,” clearly it’s not working. He’s getting annoyed
with everything I say or do. Not even to mention that he’s been quite the jerk today.

“Alright” he said softly as he looked down at his feet

“Alright. I’m going to go to bed.”

“Yeah,” he nodded his head, “Me too.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll see you later” he answered. I nodded my head and went into my room closing the door quickly. I took a deep breath and tried to sort through what had just happened. That was a bad day. He was awful rude and mean. I know I expected him to be an asshole but then he proved me wrong. I guess his true colors are finally coming out.

Now I have to spend the whole night on my own. I haven’t spent a night alone since the tour started. We’ve always hung out and watched a movie or something. It’s good though; I need some time on my own. It’s not like I’m not used to spending time alone. I’m always on my own.

But now, I’m used to spending time with Snuckums. I guess I need to get used to being alone again, since clearly spending time with him is out of the question.

There’s always Enya…

“You look like shit.”

I turned around in the chair to see Stacy walk into the dressing room where I was waiting for her, “That’s sweet, thanks”

She laughed as she grabbed a makeup brush, “What the hell happened?”

“Nothing. I just didn’t sleep last night.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged, “Sometimes I just don’t sleep.” I lied. I know damn well that the reason why I did not sleep is because of a certain Justin Timberlake. I did not sleep even for a minute, my eyes were open all night.

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

I nodded my head.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head again, “Just put on my clown makeup.”

“I guess I’m missing something,” she said as she put on my foundation. “Both you and Justin look like shit today.”

I find it a little comforting that he looks like shit too. However, I find it very unlikely that he could possibly look like shit. But Stacy is a stylist so I guess she would be the one to know.

“Hello”

“Hi” I answered.

She laughed, “I asked you a question and you were fazed out completely.”

“What was your question?”

“Is it national performer look like shit day that I’m unaware of?”

“Cute.” I answered sarcastically. I would really enjoy it if she could just finish my makeup so I could get out there and play. One thing I hate about touring is that it’s impossible to just play whenever I feel like it. I’ve always had a piano right by me so whenever the inspiration hits I can play.

“What’s going on with you and Justin?”

“Nothing.” I answered quickly. Nothing is going on between us. It’s possible she could have been confused about it in the past but as of right now, nothing.

“Nothing? You two seem to spend a lot of time together.”

I shrugged in response; we’re not going to anymore. Don’t worry.

“You know Justin tells me everything.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a comment. I did not know Justin tells her everything. I did not even know Justin told her anything. “Then why are you asking me?”

I saw her smile, “Because for the first time, he wouldn’t tell me why he looks like shit.”

“Then what is it that he tells you?”

“He tells me that he likes you, and that…”

“No he doesn’t” I broke in, “He may have, at some point, but he doesn’t anymore. So… I guess you’re going to have a lot less talks.”

“Yes he does. And you like him. You like each other or you both wouldn’t be looking like shit this morning.”

“Who’s to say that I look like shit because of him?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You just don’t sleep sometimes.” She answered sarcastically.

“Can you just hurry up and finish my makeup please?”

“No. That’s the best part” she laughed, “You can’t leave until I’m done.”

“I could.”

“Yeah, if you want half of your makeup done, be my guest.” She was quiet for a few seconds, “Don’t you want to know what he tells me about you?”

“No.”

“Not even a little bit?”

I shook my head.

“Yes you do.”

“I don’t. You’re really annoying me.”

“Alright, sorry” she answered softly, “Go ahead, you’re done.”

“Thank you.” I stood up and quickly walked out of the room and into my dressing room where I could hear my cell phone ringing from the hallway.

“Hello?” I answered, slightly out of breath.

“Hey Superstar”

“Maggie!” I shouted. I’m pretty sure they could hear me miles away. “I miss you”

“I miss you too. How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“How’s Justin?”

“Fine.”

“OK” she laughed, “How are you and Justin?”

That seems to be the question of the day. How are Justin and I? Horrible, non-existent.

“Gianna”

“I’m thinking.”

‘Think out loud.”

I took a deep breath, “Nothing, we’re nothing. I don’t think we ever were anything.”

“Obviously you were something, you slept with him. You don’t just sleep with people who are nothing.” She was waiting for a response but I didn’t give her anything, “Gianna?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Maggie. Maybe I thought there could be something but there’s not. And it’s fine. It’s not a big deal, can we move on?”

“No. What happened?”

“We had a bad day.”

“So maybe it was just a bad day and you’ll be fine.”

“He said he wants a list of everything that I’m afraid of or that makes me nervous or better yet a list of what doesn’t make me nervous because it will be shorter.”

I swear to god I heard her laugh. She’s laughing at it. She’s supposed to be my friend and call him an asshole but instead she’s laughing at what he said.

“Thanks Maggie.”

“Oh come on Gi, its kind of funny. What did you say you were scared of?”

“He stopped on train tracks.”

“Alright. And?”

“Come on, that’s extremely stupid. What if a train came?”

“He would have moved. What else?”

“Well like yesterday we just drove to get lost. Who does that?”

“That’s cute.”

“Are you serious? He had no idea where he was going. How is that cute?”

“It is cute. Kind of romantic.”

I shook my head, “You guys should date then.”

“Come on Gianna, calm down. We’ll move on.”

“Thank you.”

“I have some bad news.”

“What?” I can’t take any more bad news.

“When you come out here I’m going to be home, it’s Thanksgiving weekend.”

“What?” I asked out of disbelief. That was what made the fact that I was going to be in San Francisco so exciting, that I would have thanksgiving with her.

“I know it sucks. Calm down, breathe. But I have some vacation time so I will come out and stay with you for a couple days. When do you want me to come?”

“Right now.”

“Ok” she laughed, “Second choice?”

“I don’t know, my dad’s coming up next weekend. Pick a place you want to see and come then.” I paused when there was a nock on the door, “I have to go but I’ll call you later.”

I opened the door and saw Justin standing there, “Hey.”

“Hey” I answered back. I thought it wasn’t working out and we weren’t going to hang out anymore.

“Did you eat?” I didn’t answer him right away and he kept talking, holding up a bag of foam containers, “This place has the best ribs” he walked past me and sat down on the couch, “We weren’t even supposed to be here. I made sure Hartford was on the schedule for these damn ribs.” I nodded my head and sat down next to him, “And I thought we could talk, what better way to talk than over the best ribs in the world right?”

“About what?”

“Yesterday”

“And how you were a jerk?”

“Alright. I was a jerk.” He admitted, “And you were…?”

“What?”

“Nothing? You were perfect?”

“No, but you were mean.”

“So were you.”

“How was I mean?”

“Everything I said you had a comment for. I thought it would be fun, I thought it would be fun to do something different.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

He nodded his head, “So now what? Are we just done?” I shrugged as an answer, “Well look Gianna, I like you. I like spending time with you but I can’t deal with all that shit. Some of it makes sense and I get it but you go overboard.”

“Well sorry, that’s me.”

“No, it’s not you. Don’t put it off like that.”

“Yes it is. You can ask anyone that knows me. Ask Maggie, she’ll tell you.”

“Alright.”

“What?” That was not what I was expecting.

“Call her up. Let’s do it”

I’m pretty sure my face froze. I thought he’d just move past it but now he really wants me to call her, “Are you serious?”

“What are you chickening out?”

“No. I’ll call her.”

“Alright then, call her. It’s about time for a conference call.” He folded his arms over his chest and watched me intently. He’s kind of scaring me, that look in his eyes is a little creepy.

I grabbed my cell phone from the table and sat down on the couch across from him dialing slowly. “Whoa, two times in one day.” I heard Maggie’s cheerful voice.

“Hey”

“What’s up?”

“Justin wants to talk to you.”

She was silent for a second, probably confused like I am, “OK”

“I’m going to put you on speaker ok?”

“Yeah.”

“OK” I placed the phone on the table between us and took a deep breath, “Maggie Justin, Justin Maggie.”

“How’s it going?”

“Good, how are you?” Maggie asked and I felt myself in the beginning stages of a panic attack. I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I am. I’ve learned to deal with it. I never really know why I get nervous it just happens.

“Ya know, we’re not doing too good here, I’ll be honest. Your girl over here is trying to tell me that the fact she goes overboard on pretty much everything is just the way she is.” He paused for a second and Maggie giggled. “So let’s start from the beginning, do you agree that she goes overboard?”

She laughed again, “Obviously. I’ve been telling her that since the second grade.”

“Alright good, we’ve established that much. I understand that she gets nervous about things, it happens. A lot of the things that make her nervous are completely normal ya know? But then there’s the shit that makes her seem like she’s just crazy.”

“It’s possible she is a little crazy.” Maggie answered.

My mouth dropped, “Thanks Mags.”

She laughed again, “But that’s why we love you babe.”

“Yeah exactly. I like that to some extent, it’s cute. But she just goes overboard and makes it more…” he paused as if looking for the right word, “Annoying.” Well great, he found the right word all right.

“Yes, Gianna can definitely be annoying.”

“Um hello? I’m sitting right here”

They both laughed. Together. I’m glad they’re finding this a humorous situation when I’m about to go crazy.

“You can be annoying Gianna, come on”

“You’re not always annoying” Justin spoke up, “That’s what I’m saying, it’s something we could work on.”

“Work on it sweetie. Don’t let your stupid nerves get in the way of what could happen with him. He obviously cares. If he’s calling me he cares. You need to work on that stuff for you too, you can’t live like that forever.”

She is kind of right. I think I could work on some of it, I mean baby steps. Justin might be worth it.

“I like this girl.” Justin said with a smile.

“Thanks” Maggie laughed, “I’ll leave you guys alone. It was nice to talk to you Snuckums,” she added with a giggle.

“Ahh” Justin laughed, “You as well.”

“Bye Superstar, call me later.” She hung up before I could even answer.

Justin and I kind of just looked at each other. I felt awkward enough for the both of us but I’m pretty sure even he didn’t know what to do. “So…” he stood up and sat down on the couch next to me, “Maggie’s on my side.”

“OK. I get that. I can be annoying. But you were mean and I’d rather be annoying than mean.”

“Alright, we’ll work on it. You tell me when I’m being mean and I’ll tell you when you’re being annoying,” he said as he put his arm around me, “All I’m saying is I like spending time with you and I don’t want it to end because of some nasty habits.” He moved his face in front of mine, “What do you say Pooky? Do you want to give it another chance?”

“Yeah” I nodded my head and quickly felt his lips against mine.

“Good because I was really getting into all that yoga shit,” he added with a chuckle before kissing me again.

“Good because it’s almost time for yoga,”

“Fantastic” he kissed me one more time before standing up and pulling me up with him, “Let’s do it.”

“What are you planning on doing while I’m in LA?”

I shrugged, “I have no idea.”

“Just stay and chill in Detroit?” he asked with a chuckle. I shrugged again, “Want to come?”

“To Los Angeles?”

“Yes Pooky,” he laughed, “It’s the VMA’s. I can get you an extra ticket. It would be cool to just see it, experience it ya know?”

I nodded my head. It would be cool. It will also be very nerve racking. I’m sure I’ll go a little crazy just sitting there with all those people.

“Then we’re having an after party and I want you to play.”

“Oh” I answered softly, there is no way I will physically able to play a show after the MTV Video Music Awards in front of celebrities, “No thanks.”

“What?” he asked with a laugh.

“I said no thank you. I don’t think I’m ready…”

He cut me off before I could finish, “You’re ready. You’re nervous, that’s ok. Everyone is nervous, but you can’t say no because you’re nervous.”

I’m starting to think he’s forgotten the degree of my nerves. I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time and I don’t feel like throwing myself into situations where it can happen again.

“I’m scared.”

“I know you are. But seriously Gi, you need to get out there more than at just my shows. There are a lot of people that don’t go to my shows. Everyone will be drunk by the time you go on anyway” he finished with a chuckle and pulled me onto his lap.

“I really don’t think I’ll be able to do it though.”

“Yes you will. I’ll be right there with you. You have to. I’m not taking no for an answer. I will drag you out there if I have to.”

“I’m really really nervous though.”

“I know that’s so weird. It’s so out of character for you to be nervous.”

I rolled my eyes and hit his arm, “You’re so funny.”

“I try. We’re leaving Monday.”

I nodded my head, “You’re performing at the show right?”

“I am”

“Are you nervous?”

“Nah.”

“Shut up, you’re so full of shit.”

“I’m serious. You get over it at some point. Most people do, for the rest of you… you’ll just have to get drunk.”

“That’s your solution to everything huh?”

“If it works it works.”

“Yeah, if I didn’t know better I’d say you’re an alcoholic” I said with a smile before resting my hand on his cheek.

“Don’t say that in front of your father” he said with a chuckle.
My father came in a few hours ago with my sister and stepmother. They were getting settled at the hotel and then Justin and I are supposed to go to lunch with them. I’m a little nervous just because I haven’t seen them in awhile and of course since they haven’t met Justin, “I’m kind of nervous.”

Justin laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist, “Are you serious? It’s your family. I should be the one that’s nervous.” He paused, “Should I be nervous?” I shrugged and he laughed, “That doesn’t look good.”

“He’s not strict but he’s kind of… he can be overprotective. But he’ll like you… I’m sure.”

“Yeah, you sound sure” he laughed. Oh now who’s the nervous one Mr. nervous people are annoying?

“Don’t be nervous Snuckums.”

“You’re enjoying this change of roles thing too much,” he kissed my forehead as we drove to the hotel, “What do I call him? Mr. Gibralda?”

I nodded my head, “That’s fine.”

“And your step mother is Mrs. Gibralda?” I nodded my head again, “And your sister is Ashley?”

“You’re ready” I smiled as we stopped in front of the hotel, “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. Should I call him sir?”

“Yes. Relax Snuckums. You look nice, that shirt makes your eyes pop out.”

“Good, that’s exactly what I was going for,” he said with a smile.

“I bet” I laughed, “Alright, let’s go.”

As we walked into the restaurant I saw the back of my father’s head. Ashley saw me and ran over and I could hear my father yelling at her.

When he turned around and saw that she was running to me he smiled and followed her quickly.

“Gigi!” Ashley screamed as I picked her up when she ran to me.

“Hey Babe, how are you? It’s so good to see you, you got so big.”

“Not uh.”

“Yes, you sure did.” I laughed as I put her down and fell into my father’s arms, “Hi Daddy.”

“How are you doing darling?”

“Good. I missed you” I really did miss him. I don’t always think about it and sometimes I feel like a horrible daughter because I’m thinking about everything else that’s going on. “This is Justin.”

“It’s nice to meet you Sir” Justin said with a smile and held out his hand.

Dad looked him over quickly and then shook his hand. Justin looks a little nervous, that made me laugh.

We finished lunch and then I took Ashley with me for sound check when my father went back to the hotel to get ready. Lunch went well, he seemed to like Justin enough. I didn’t think he wouldn’t like Justin, I mean he’s pretty charming. I was just a little nervous because obviously I always get nervous when I don’t have to.

“Ash, come on up here” I said as I grabbed her hand and brought her up on stage with me for the sound check, “It’s cool huh?”

“Yeah, look at me!” she said as she ran around.

“Come over here look Ashley. You’re going to be sitting right there, and you can see your sister perfectly.” Justin said as he showed her their seats.

“Cool! Look Gigi I can see you!”

“I know I’m going to see you too. Come up here; let’s show Justin our song. She can play,” I told him.

“She can huh?”

“Of course. She’s good, have you been practicing?”

“Mmmhmm” she nodded her head as she made her way over to me. I taught her how to play myself so I’m very proud of her. Ashley is very proud of it herself, “We’re good,” she told Justin.

“I’m sure you are, let me hear.”

She sat down next to me and remembered every single note. We haven’t played it in months and she hit it dead on, “That was perfect Ashley!” I said as I hugged her, “Who were you practicing with?”

“Daddy helped me” she smiled.

“Very impressive Ashley” Justin clapped his hands, “You’re better than I was at your age that’s for sure. I’m pretty sure you’re better than I am now,” he added with a chuckle.

“Yeah huh” Ashley laughed

“Sounds good,” I found my father walking in.

“You were helping her huh?”

He nodded his head with a smile, that’s a bit of a surprise. My father was always into music especially the piano but he wasn’t exactly thrilled about my choice to follow music the way I have. I think he’s opening up to it a little though.

“Can I steal Justin for a minute?” my father asked.

Oh god, oh god. Why does he want to talk to him alone? I just may have a panic attack in front of everyone. I’m supposed to be more comfortable around my family and I am but not when my father wants to talk to Justin alone. What could he possibly have to say to him that he can’t say in front of me?

“Yeah, no problem” Justin looked over at me and rested his hand on my shoulder, “Relax” he said softly.

I nodded my head, it can’t be that bad.

Right?

I watched Justin walk away with my father and finished up my sound check.
By the time I was done they were still talking and that was at least a half an hour ago. Now I’m getting a little worried. I just don’t understand why my father has to talk to him. It’s not like we’re getting married or something. When we got back to my dressing room Justin and my father were walking out of his and actually laughing. That’s a good sign.

“I’ll see you later then,” my father shook Justin’s hand, “We’ll let you get ready Gianna, good luck. I’ll see you after the show.”

They all walked away and I jogged to catch up with Justin grabbing onto his arm, “What was that about?”

Justin laughed, “I have to get to Stacy.”

“I’ll come, I can come. What did he say to you?”

“You were right.”

“What do you mean I was right?”

“About the sockets, he said they did fly out. That’s amazing though, I wish I could have seen it. Sorry I didn’t believe you.”

I just looked at him for a second; I couldn’t really believe that he actually asked my father that. I mean I can believe it, but he obviously talked to him about something else. “It’s ok, but I told you. What did my father want?”

“Nothing, he just…”

“Hey guys, oh look at this I get two at the same time,” Stacy came in with a smile.

“Can you wait a minute?” I asked her.

“No, I can’t” she said with a smile while Justin sat down.

“Whatever, what did he say?”

“He said he didn’t want you coming out on tour. You didn’t tell me that.”

I shrugged, “OK, what else?”

“He just said he feels better about it now that he saw us and everything.”

“Aww, that’s cute,” Stacy said with a smile.

“Shut up, don’t make comments,” I said as I slapped her arm.

She laughed, “It is cute. He feels better now that his little girl is being taken care of.”

“Can you leave?” I asked as I rolled my eyes.

“Nope. I’ll shut up, continue. What else did he say Justin?”

Justin laughed and shook his head, “That’s it, he asked me about myself and everything and said he feels better about everything.”

“Aww, that’s so adorable.”

“Oh my god Stacy, shut up.” I said seriously.

Justin laughed, “Give us a minute, will you?”

Stacy rolled her eyes and left us alone.

“Relax Pooky, he just said that he was worried about you being out here and he’s glad we have each other to keep the other out of trouble. I told him he didn’t have to worry because you have everything figured out. He said he’s glad I’m looking out for you and that’s it. That’s the transcript for you.” Justin smiled and kissed my forehead.

“Did he tell you anything he shouldn’t have told you?”

“Like what?” he asked with a laugh.

“Anything to embarrass me.”

“No” he wrapped his arms around me, “Calm down there’s nothing he could have told me to embarrass you.”

“I think he likes you.”

“Of course he likes me,” Justin smiled, “What’s not to like?”

A few days later I found myself in a limo driving to the airport nervously tapping my fingers against the door. As you can probably guess I’m not a big fan of flying. I wouldn’t say I’m scared of flying… I just can think of other ways I’d like to spend my time.

Justin grabbed onto my hand to stop the tapping, “Are you hungry? I’m going to call Rachael and tell her to get us food for the ride, what do you want?”

“A burger I guess” I shrugged. He nodded his head and took his phone out and I continued tapping.

Justin grabbed my hand again to stop me but at least he didn’t yell at me to stop. I know he wanted to yell at me to stop but he was able to control it and honestly if felt much better to have him hold my hand.

The limo pulled right onto the runway and I squeezed Justin’s hand a little, not on purpose but I feel like this is not even the slightest bit safe. “Relax, they’re taking us right to the plane.”

I nodded my head, “I’m not used to the star treatment.”

“Get used to it,” he said as he opened the door and helped me out. We literally stepped out of the limo and walked two feet to the stairs of a private jet.

I followed closely behind Justin and then sat down in the seat facing him and quickly buckled my seatbelt. I’m not a big fan of these little planes. I’d rather fly on a big commercial airline honestly. I feel like if this could crash a lot easier since there are not so many people on it.
Justin pulled his backpack on his lap, “I got you…” he began as he grabbed things from inside, “Crosswords, Sudoku, gum, gummy bears, some soothing music, and I have my Mac Book so we can watch a movie. And if all else fails I have some sleeping pills.”

“You think I’m afraid of flying?”

He looked at me seriously wondering if he had insulted me. “You’re not?”

I shook my head, “I love flying.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal” I nodded my head.

Justin laughed, “That’s amazing. I really thought you would be scared of flying.” I shook my head, “I hate flying.”

“Really?”

“I’m fine once I get up but it’s just taking off and landing, and ears popping and turbulence. Flying is not my favorite thing.”

“That’s cute.”

“Yeah, adorable. So I don’t have to share my sleeping pills?”

I shook my head and grabbed onto his hand, he’s kind of adorable when he’s nervous. I like this whole change of rolls thing. I could get used to it.

“I’m not scared of flying. I just don’t like it,” he continued.

“Alright,” I smiled and rubbed his leg, “Do you want to borrow Enya?”

“Yeah, maybe we could do some yoga once we get up in the air.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

“Good,” Justin smiled as Rachael walked on the plane and handed us Styrofoam containers.

“Thank you. I feel bad that you have to get this for me all the time.”

“Don’t feel bad, it’s her job. That’s what she gets paid the big bucks for,” Justin answered with a smile.

“A thankless job but someone’s got to do it,” Rachael rolled her eyes, “Your welcome Gianna and don’t worry about it, I don’t mind getting it for you.”

“Why are you sitting so far away from me?” Justin asked as he opened his container.

“I like to go up backwards. It’s more fun, it’s like a ride.”

“Come sit with me, I’ll give you an onion ring” he offered with a pout.

“Oh, well in that case.” I laughed as I stood up and sat down next to him. He’s there for me when I’m nervous so I guess I should be there for him when he’s nervous.

I ended up falling asleep pretty much as soon as we got into the air. Justin fell asleep even before me but he took a sleeping pill so he at least has an excuse. When I woke up everyone else was already off the plane except for Rachael who woke me up. I looked over to see that Justin was still passed out, “God. You two are the heaviest sleepers I’ve ever seen. He won’t wake up either.”

“Yeah, I’m a real heavy sleeper.” I feel like I’ve had to tell that to many people since I’ve been on this tour, “Justin took a sleeping pill.”

“I know, he usually wakes up though,” she laughed.

I stood up and stretched my arms over my head; I’m surprisingly wide-awake now. It usually takes me a little while to wake up. I shook his shoulders a little but that didn’t wake him so I hit his cheeks a little. Softly, it’s not like I was slapping him across the face.

“Kiss him.”

“What?”

“That will wake him up, just kiss him.” I looked at her as if she were crazy and she laughed, “I’m tired I want to go home. It will wake him up, please just kiss him.”

“OK,” I said softly and kissed him gently. It did wake him up, right away in fact.

“Hey,” he smiled.

“Hey, we’re here.”

“Good, I missed the landing,” he stood up and stretched his arms.

“Me too”

“We’re good,” he grabbed his bag in one hand and my hand with the other and I followed him outside.

There was a car waiting and it drove us right to his house. I’m just staying with him for the few days I’m here. I thought I’d get a hotel but Justin said that would be stupid. From the way he describes it, his house does seem pretty beautiful.

When we pulled up to his house I felt like we were pulling up to a castle. If he saw my house I’d be a little embarrassed. I don’t even have a house, who am I kidding. My father’s house is about the size of his garage and my apartment that my rent just ended on is probably the size of his living room.

I walked into his house and the first thing I saw was his beautiful black grand piano. I swear it was glowing. The light was reflecting off it just right I was hypnotized by it and I could not help but walk to it in a trance, “Oh my god, it’s beautiful.”

I heard Justin laugh but I kept walking towards the glowing mass of goodness, “Can I touch it? I’m going to touch it.”

I felt Justin’s arms around my waist, “You can touch it. You can even play it… as much as you want.”

“It’s just so beautiful.”

“Yeah, I mean it’s a piano,” he laughed clearly not as impressed as I am, “You don’t have one?”

“No I have one, but it’s an old upright with different color keys and the pedals only work sometimes.”

He laughed, “Well now you can get one.”

“Yeah, but I don’t really have anywhere to put it.”

“You’ll have to get a new house then. I bought the piano first and then found a house that would look good with it.”

“That’s cute.”

“I know. I’m adorable.”

“I didn’t say you were cute I said that was cute.”

“Same thing. Go ahead and play.”

I nodded my head and dropped my bag, literally dropping it down. I hope I didn’t have anything breakable in there. Honestly that doesn’t matter I need to get my hands on this piano.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and taking in the scent. I slowly leaned my head back and moved my hands over the keys and just let my fingers do the talking. That’s what I love so much about playing, you can communicate in so many ways without actually talking. It’s so much easier to communicate through music. You don’t have to worry about messing everything up because even the mistakes make music.

It is a possibility that I was down there playing for quite awhile. All right, I was down there for a long time. Justin went upstairs and unpacked and when he came down I was still sitting at the piano. “Gi…” he called me but I kept playing, “Pooky.”

I looked up at him.

“We’re going to go get dinner with my mother.”

“Oh,” I stood up, “Let me get changed and do my hair and like… get ready.”

He shook his head, “We have to go.”

“No, no I have to get changed quick.”

“Pooky I told her we were leaving now.”

“Well can’t I just go really quick? I want to look nice and…”

“You look nice,” he wrapped his arms around my waist, “Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not,” I lied.

He laughed. I’m not a good liar.

“Why are you nervous? You’ve met my mother before.”

“Yeah but I met your mother as your opening act. I’ve never met your mother as your girlfriend.” Did I just call myself his girlfriend? I probably shouldn’t have done that, I don’t even know if I am his girlfriend. He’s never really called me his girlfriend. But I mean I would think that’s what I am. We’ve never had the conversation.

“She loved you as my opening act and she’s going to love you even more as my girlfriend,” he said with a smile and wrapped his arms around me, “Don’t be nervous. She is looking forward to meeting you…again”

I nodded my head, “But can’t I just go change my shirt really quick?”

“Yes,” he pulled my shirt over my head, “Hurry up,” he kissed my neck, “Don’t distract me we have to go see my mother.”

“You pulled my shirt off and I’m distracting you?”

“Yes,” he laughed as he moved away from me, “hurry up!”


I sat in the car tapping my fingers on the door, “Stop” Justin said as he continued driving.

“Sorry,” I answered softly I didn’t even know I was doing it. I’m just a little nervous about meeting his mother again. It is intimidating no matter how much he says it isn’t. But he was nervous meeting my father so he needs to get over it.

“Seriously Gi, it’s getting annoying.”

I didn’t even know I was doing it again. I put my hands in my lap.

“You’ve met her before. She’s not at all intimating. You know this.”

“I know but I can’t control it. I just get nervous, I can’t help it.”

He threw his head back and laughed, “I know you can’t control it. That’s why we need to get you some meds.”

That’s kind of rude.

“I’m kidding, it was a joke, I’m sorry,” he grabbed my hand and kissed it after he pulled up to a parking spot.

“You’re rude sometimes.”

“I was kidding. I’m sorry,” he grabbed onto my hand and led me inside.

His mother was sitting down at a table and stood up when she saw us. Justin hugged her and kissed her cheek, “You remember Gianna.”

“Of course, how are you doing sweetie? You look so nice, I love your top,”

Hmm. She loves my top. I gave Justin a look and he laughed, I knew I had to change my shirt.

“Well come on sit down,” she pulled out a chair for me, “I ordered an appetizer since you were made me wait so long Justin,” she said with a smile.

“Me? Why is it me? I was ready, she wasn’t.”

I can’t believe he just blamed the reason why we’re late on me. Now she’s going to think I’m this crazy girl that’s never on time for anything. I’m always on time. I’m always early. I’m never late and now he’s making it look like I don’t even care and that’s why we’re late.

“I’m sorry. I was distracted; his piano put me into a trance. It’s so beautiful,” I smiled; I hope she doesn’t hate me. I really can’t deal with her hating me.

“It’s alright, you’re just like Justin. Whenever he’s late I know it has something to do with music. If you can’t find him go look for a piano and chances are that’s where he is.”

I smiled, she’s not mad. She doesn’t hate me, well at least not yet.

“So Justin tells me you’re going to be performing at the after party.” I nodded my head, “You must be excited, that will be great.”

“Yeah, I’m a little nervous though.”

“Oh no, you’ll be fine. I’m excited to see you again. You were great when I saw you at the beginning of the tour I’m sure it’s so much better now. It will be good for you to actually go to the show as well. Do you have your dress yet?”

“I haven’t even thought of that.” Oh my goodness, I haven’t even thought of that yet. I obviously have to find a dress. I’m so bad at finding clothes I like. What the hell am I going to do? When am I going to have time to look for a dress? I don’t even know what kind of a dress to wear. What if I’m overdressed? What if I’m underdressed? What the hell was I thinking?

“When are you going?”

I looked at Justin and he laughed, “Don’t get her nervous Ma, she didn’t even think about that.”

“Well she needs to think about it Justin it’s in two days.”

“It’s in two days.” I answered softly. TWO DAYS.

“Two days Gi, you have two full days until the show.” I felt his hand on my lap as he spoke.

I nodded my head, “But I don’t have a dress.”

“Now you’re going to be all nervous and thinking about that all night.”

“Oh no sweetie, don’t be nervous,” Justin’s mother answered. Clearly she knows nothing about me, “I’ll go with you tomorrow to look. While Justin is at rehearsal we can go look. It will be fun, we’ll find the perfect dress.”

I nodded my head; it’s kind of like choosing the less of two evils. I don’t really want to spend the day with Justin’s mother. She’s nice enough and it’s not like anything is wrong with her, but I just really feel nervous enough about spending lunch with her and Justin. forget about a whole day with just the two of us. However, I do need a dress. I’d rather have a dress and deal with my stupid issues than try and find the dress by myself.

That would be disastrous.

When my alarms went off the next morning I looked over at Justin and he gave me a smile. He turned the alarms off and wrapped his arms around me before kissing my forehead. He’s getting used to the crazy alarms. There used to be the days that he jumped up and almost had a heart attack. Come to think of it, he freaked out pretty much every morning.

“Are you getting used to my alarms?”

“Nah,” he smiled as he held up his phone, “I set mine a few minutes before yours goes off. It still scares me Pooky.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s cool,” he stretched his hands over his head before getting up, “So are you going to find a dress? My mom’s a good shopper, she’s got an eye for it.”

I nodded my head, “I should get two right? One for the show and one for the after thing?”

“Yeah, not a gown though” he said with that sexy smile he has.

“Thanks Snuckums” I rolled my eyes.

“You’re welcome,” he let go of me and sat stood up, “I’ll call you when I get out and we can meet up for dinner?”

“OK, what do you have to do?”

“Sound check and some interviews. I should be done by six, do you think you’ll be done by then?”

I sure hope I’m done by then. Justin’s mother is coming over at ten, it better not take eight hours to find a stupid dress. I was thinking we’d be done in an hour. I guess I’m seriously underestimating this whole finding a dress thing.

“I think we’ll be done by then.”

Justin grabbed a t-shirt from his suitcase and turned around giving me a smile as he pulled it over his head, “I don’t know, finding the perfect dress could take time.”

“I don’t need the perfect dress I just need a dress.”

He gave me a look before leaning over and kissing my forehead, “Have fun.”

“That’s it? You’re leaving?”

He nodded his head and pouted, “I have to, I don’t want to.”

“What should I wear?”

“You’re going out with my mother to find something.”

“No, what should I wear to go shopping?’

Justin laughed, throwing his head back of course, “Pooky, you crack me up. She doesn’t care what you wear. Relax. Have fun, my mother’s fun,” he kissed my lips quickly before walking towards the door, “I’ll call you later. Lock the doors when you leave alright?” I nodded my head and waved at him. He waved back and laughed, “Bye Pooky.”

“Bye Snuckums.”

I let out a sigh and fell back on the bed. Things are going really well with Justin and I. I like him… a lot. He seems to like me too, I mean he did have me meet his mother and she wants to take me to find a dress. That means something. Either she doesn’t hate me or she knows that Justin likes me so even though she hates me she’s trying to like me just a little for her son. I hope it’s not the latter.

By the way his mother talks to me, it makes me think that she does like me, at least a little bit. She’s just a nice lady, I think that helps. We went around to a bunch of different stores, or no they’re boutiques. Little stores that just sell dressed and other weird things. The weird part is that they only have like one of everything and so if it’s not in your size you’re in trouble. I don’t like that everyone comes up to you and keeps asking if everything is all right. I’m not much of a shopper and it annoys me when they’re all in your face.

I guess it’s good given the circumstances though. Everyone seemed to put a lot of thought into the different dresses they had me try on. Every single store we went to they told me they had the perfect dress for me. That made me laugh because Justin said I would have to find the perfect dress and I told him I wasn’t going to. I should know by now that whatever he says as far as the whole music stuff is right. Most of the salespeople did not find the perfect dress for me, which is why there were so many salespeople and so many different boutiques.

Justin’s mother did not get annoyed with me even once. A few times I got annoyed with myself because I couldn’t find the right dress. I’m not even looking for a perfect dress but I just want something that’s kind of nice. I mean it is my first MTV Award’s Show and my first time ever working a red carpet. Oh dammit, here come the hives.

“This one here is so you,” the saleslady said holding up a blue dress that was really low cut. Clearly she does not know me because this dress could not be further from being me.

I looked over at Justin’s mother and she laughed at the face I made, “Blue will make your eyes pop out, give it a try.”

I nodded my head and walked into the dressing room with the boob dress and a few others that the sales lady also said were “totally me.”

As I tried on the blue boob dress I was surprised that it actually wasn’t that bad. It’s quite cute actually even though it is a little low. But it does make my boobs look amazing. And my eyes do pop out. My cell phone rang which made me snap back to reality for a minute. I looked at the caller ID and noticed it was Johnny, “Hello?”

“Hey Gianna, how are you?”

“Good, I’m just looking for a dress. I can’t really decide.” I said as I looked at myself in the mirror.

“You better get two.”

“What?” Why would I get two dresses?

“Britney Spears backed out performing and MTV contacted me. To make a long story short, they want you to perform at the show.”

Is that supposed to be a good thing? He has got to be kidding me, this has to be a joke, “And you told them no?” I asked softly.

“No, of course I told them you’d do it. Congratulations sweetie, you’re going to do great. Listen my other line is beeping in and I need to take it. We’re trying to fit you in for a sound check tomorrow; I’ll let you know when I know. I’ll call you back with the details. Congratulations sweetie.”

And he hung up.

“No” I said to the phone with no one on the other end. I don’t want to do the MTV VMA’s. I’m not ready. Clearly I’m not ready. And even if I was ready I’m not. I was nervous enough just going to the show, I can’t possibly perform. There’s no way. I slid down so I was sitting on the ground and took deep breaths trying to control my panic attack. There is no possible way I can do this.

I tried thinking of other thoughts and counting to ten and raising my hands over my head like Justin said. Nothing worked. It’s abnormally hot in here. I guess I was in there longer than I thought because I heard Justin’s mother knocking on the door and her worried voice spoke, “Gianna, sweetie, are you alright in there?”

I took a deep breath before answering so she couldn’t tell that I was trying to catch my breath, “No… I mean yes. Just one minute.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

I nodded my head then remembered she couldn’t see me, “I’m ok.” I wish I could pick myself up so I don’t look like a fool in front of Justin’s mother. I also wish Justin were here right now so he could help me get through this.

I felt a hand on my back and then realized that I was still sitting on the ground of the dressing room with one of those doors that doesn’t go down to the ground. I looked back to see that it was Justin’s mother’s hand and she was not sitting on the ground along with me.

“Why don’t you open the door and we’ll talk?”

I nodded my head, once again forgetting that she couldn’t see me, and then stood up and opened the door. She came in with me and then sat down next to me on the stool in the dressing room. She didn’t say anything, or try to get me to say anything, which was refreshing. She just sat there and rubbed my back making me feel like it would be all right, even though she didn’t know what it was that was freaking me out.

“Johnny said that Britney Spears backed out and they want me to perform tomorrow.”

“Oh my goodness that’s great Gianna, it’s your big chance,” her smile made me feel like she actually thought it was good.

I shook my head, “no, it’s not. I can’t do it though. I’m not ready.”

“Of course you’re ready.”

“No, I’m not. I’ve never done anything like that and I need time to prepare. I need a lot of time to prepare.”

“You’ve been preparing for so long. It’s just one song. There’s no need to be nervous. When Justin did his first show it was the VMA’s too. And he was so nervous he’d tell you. There was nothing to be nervous about. He had so much fun and everyone got to see him and took him seriously as a solo artist. If it wasn’t for that who knows if he would be where he is today.”

I nodded my head, this time I was sure she could see it. It’s not making me feel better though, I still don’t want to do it. I bet that when I see Justin he’s going to tell me that he’s excited and it’s going to be awesome and I’m still going to feel sick to my stomach. What if I mess up? With if I forget the words? What if I pass out on stage?

These are the questions that go through my warped out brain.

I wish I could be normal for a second and actually think this is good. It is good. Well, it could be good. It could also be disastrous. For me, I’m thinking it’s going to be a disaster.

The minutes are oh so slowly moving as I’m laying here in Justin’s bed waiting for it to be morning. Only fifteen hours twenty-seven minutes give or take. That’s the amount of time it will be before the show is actually going on. I don’t know when I’m going on… if I’m going on. The point is in fifteen hours and twenty-six minutes I will be at the MTV Video Music Awards. You can imagine my excitement.

Then there’s the whole red carpet thing. Obviously no one would want to talk to me so it’s not like I should have to worry about the red carpet. But of course Justin wants me to walk down with him so he can introduce me to everyone and get me out there. I guess that’s good. I mean, I know it’s good but I don’t really want to go down and talk to everyone, I’m sure I’ll screw it up somehow.

“Stop moving” I heard Justin and felt him wrap his arms around me so I would stay still. I didn’t’ t know he was up.

“Sorry.”

“Relax, you’re going to do great. Stop thinking about it.”

Like that’s a possibility, “Have you met me?”

Justin smiled but still kept his eyes closed, ‘Fine think about it all you want but stop moving.”

“OK.”

I really can’t believe that I’m going to be on a live television show. There’s going to be so many people there, like important people.

“You’re still moving.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it.”

“I’m about to kick you out of my bed Pooky,” he’s smiling again so he can’t be too mad. He finally opened his eyes, “Throw in some Enya or something.”

“This is so far beyond Enya.”

“Why did you want to be a musician?”

“I know, I just…”

“Answer the question.”

“I like music.”

“That’s it? Why don’t you just listen to the radio?”

“I like my music. I like making music.”

“You could just play at bars or something.”

I don’t know what it is exactly he’s looking for, “I want to get my music out there.”

“Alright, exactly. This is your chance to get it out there. Relax and you’ll do fine. Just go to sleep. Please go to sleep.”

“Alright, I’m going to sleep.”


_____________________________________________


“I’ll do all the talking. I want you to talk, I mean I think you should but if you don’t want to just stand there and look cute that works too,” Justin said as we rode to the VMA’s.

“I’ll try and talk but just make sure I don’t fall over or something alright?”

“No, I’ll just let you fall,” he answered sarcastically, “You look beautiful, by the way.”

“Thank you, I feel like I’m going to pop out.” I said as I tried to stuff my boobs back into my dress.

Justin laughed, “You’re not going to pop out.”

“I hope not. You look handsome.”

“Thank you. Are you ready for this?” he asked placing his hand on my leg.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

A second later the door was opened and Justin got out first. I could hear the screaming before I even stepped out of the limo. I looked around to see hundreds of people and I couldn’t even hear anything because everyone was screaming so loud. I’ve seen these things on television and I know they look weird and crazy but oh my gosh, this is insane. It’s just so loud.

Justin smiled and waved as we made our way to the actual part where the interviews take place on the carpet. “Just smile,” he whispered to me and I smiled as I followed him closely.

“Justin, over here.” They just shout at him, I think it’s kind of rude. He doesn’t I guess, he walked right over to them then turned around to make sure I was following him. He knows me too well because I was planning on hiding out at least for the first one so I could see how it was done. Of course that didn’t happen.

“Justin Timberlake, we’re here with Justin Timberlake, how are you doing tonight?”

“I’m good man, fantastic how are you doing?”

“Good, we’re excited. What are you excited for tonight? You’re performing right?”

“I am performing, but what I’m excited about the most is this girl over here. She’s making her big debut.” He smiled and pulled me so I was actually in shot of the camera.

“Of course it’s Gianna Gibralda, how are you doing?”

“Good thank you,” I smiled. How does he know my name?

“We’re all very excited to see you perform.”

“Thank you, I’m excited to perform.”

“Now we’ve heard all these rumors about you two, do you want to set them straight? Are you two dating?”

“Dating?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “We’re married.”

“Three kids,” I nodded my head in agreement.

“Thanks man, we’ll see you later.” Justin waved and walked away. I followed him, but it seemed a little rude that he just walked away.

“You just walk away?” I asked him as we continued down the red carpet.

“Yeah, you got to keep it moving Gi,” he answered with a smile.

“They’re all screaming for you.”

“Yeah, smile” he laughed, “you look so scared.”

Before I knew it, it was time for me to go on. I don’t think I can do this. Sure, from the beginning I felt like maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but now I know for sure. This is not a good idea. I wish I could find Johnny to get me out of this. Or maybe I could call up Britney Spears and beg her to come out here and not back out of her show.

I sat down at the piano on the pitch-black stage. The curtains were closed in front of me and it was only a matter of time before the little stage thing I’m on would be pushed out in front of millions. I’m not nervous. At all.

OK, clearly that’s a lie. I’m about ready to have a heart attack.

“Break a leg Pooky, make me proud,” Justin said before kissing me gently on the lips. He does calm me down a little, so that’s good. Not enough though, I’m still nervous as hell.

“Can’t you just come out there with me?”

“Yeah sure, I’ll just stand out there in the middle of the stage. Does that sound good?” he asked with a smile. I nodded my head and he chuckled, “I’ll be right over here watching your every move. You got this.”

“Thanks.”

He walked away and left me all alone on the stage. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes when I started to be pushed onto the stage.

“Give it up for Gina Giada”

I don’t know who it was that just introduced me but they definitely called me Gina Giada. I hate to be called Gina, it happens all the time. I don’t understand what makes it so difficult. Gianna is a pretty normal name. It’s not even really close to Gina. I have two extra letters; sure they’re both letters that are still in Gina but come on. And my last name is not Giada. That’s not even a last name. It’s the first name of that lady on the food network. Why on earth would this guy think my last name is the first name of a cook? I don’t even like her; she has that weird smile that’s so huge. Plus she’s like paper thing, there is no possible way she eats all that food she makes. I hate when cooks aren’t fat. I feel like they should be, I mean seriously my dream job would be a cook. If I were a cook I’d weigh like a million pounds because I’d eat everything.
My name is easy, Gibralda, just like the Straight of Gibraltar. I know it’s not spelt the same but it’s close enough.

Why is it so quiet?

Oh my gosh, because I’m supposed to be playing. I just got so distracted by the man calling me the wrong name that I didn’t even realize that I’m sitting here on stage in front of hundreds with millions of people watching me on television just sitting here on stage. I’m an idiot. It’s official.

I started playing because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do. I don’t know why I say I felt like it was I know it’s what I was supposed to do. The light was right in my eye though and dammit I got distracted again and totally missed where I was supposed to come in. I played the part again and as soon as I started singing I heard everything echoing and I couldn’t even play. I stopped for a second and looked over at Justin and he just looked worried. “I can’t hear anything.” I meant to just mouth the words but they came out. I also meant to maybe whisper them but I guess I did whisper them… right into the microphone.

Justin motioned for me to take the earpieces out and I did. That’s much better.

I made the mistake of looking out in the audience and every single person looked terrified, like they were scared for me, or even worse embarrassed for me.

“OK, sorry. Let me start over,” I said into the microphone. A few people laughed but everyone else was quiet. I feel like this is the nightmare I’ve had since I was a kid about performing in front of people… except this is actually happening.

I took a deep breath and prayed that something would actually get me through this. I’m sure they went to a commercial or something by now. I wish they would let me know so I could get out of this disaster.

Surprisingly enough, I managed to get through the whole song the second time around. I didn’t have in my earpieces so I’m not even sure if I sounded good. Well, I’m pretty sure I did not sound good, but I couldn’t hear anything. I can’t believe I just made such a fool out of myself at the Video Music Awards.

I looked out into the audience and no one was really sure what to do. I bet they didn’t know if I was done or not, I mean I did give them a few false endings. No one’s doing anything, I thought someone would clap.

OK, someone started to clap and then other people joined in. I was afraid to look out again but then I saw Puff Daddy in the front row standing up and clapping. He’s making fun of me, that’s kinda an asshole thing to do. Obviously I ruined it, but there’s no need to make fun of me. Someone named Puff Daddy should not make fun of anyone. Is that even his name? Puff Daddy? Puffy? P Diddy? Puff Diddy? I don’t know it doesn’t matter. I’m getting distracted again.

I ran offstage right by Justin and into the dressing room. I closed the door, turned on Enya, and sat down on the ground with my back against the door so no one could come in.

I’d say today was a very eventful day.

Walk my first red carpet: check.

Go to my first awards show: check.

Ruin my career before I even get one: double check.

“1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10” I took a deep breath and exhaled, “10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1”

I heard knocking on the door but I just kept counting, “Gi, come on let me in.”

Justin is the only one that I want to come in here but I know he can’t possibly be alone.

“It’s just me, let me in.”

I moved away from the door and let him open it. Justin sat down next to me after he closed the door. He didn’t say anything, and neither did I. I couldn’t even look at him I was so embarrassed. I felt his hand on my leg and it made me feel a little better even though I’m still a complete idiot.

Justin stood up in front of me and held his hand out. I looked at him and he grabbed onto my hand and pulled me up so I was standing in front of him and pulled me into a tight hug. That made me feel a lot better.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I forgot the words to my own song. I didn’t play at the beginning; I sat there in silence. I told the world I couldn’t hear. I had to start two times.”

“You sounded good.”

I rolled my eyes, “I couldn’t hear anything.”

“The first time I performed on my own I was so sick. I ruined the show; you always think you ruined it. And look how it turned out, I didn’t ruin anything.”

“You didn’t stop in the middle of your set and tell the world you couldn’t hear and start over.”

“You’ll see that it’s not a big deal. I know if feels like one now but it’s really not.”

I know he’s trying to make me feel better but it’s not working. I almost wish he would just tell me that I fucked up.

“On the bright side, no one will forget you. Everyone will know your name.”

“No, everyone will know Gina Giada.” I sat down on the couch.

“You need to get over these nerves Pooky. I’m sure no one even noticed.”

He’s crazy, obviously everyone noticed, “Nobody clapped at the end. They just sat there and looked at me.”

“Relax baby, you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

He just called me baby. He’s never called me baby before.

“You have to get used to this. Sometimes things go bad. That’s how it is. You just go out again and kick ass.”

I took a deep breath and rested my head on his shoulder, “I can’t go out there again.”

“Of course you can. You need to show them how amazing you are.” He always thought I was amazing, even before he really heard me. I don’t know why, but I do know I’m not amazing, especially after what just happened.

“I’m not amazing, I’m a failure.”

“Failure is what makes success. Everyone’s got to screw up a couple times. You can’t start at the top you got to work your way up there. It’s like that in everything. So what if you screwed up? Now there’s only one way to go.” He always knows the right thing to say. “You got through the whole song, you sounded great. Your monitors were off that’s not your fault. You didn’t leave in the middle of the song and run off crying, I’m proud of you Pooky.”

“Thank you.”

“Now get up off your ass, wipe your eyes, stand up and go back out there with your head up and show them what the fuck you’re all about.” Justin put his hand out and pulled me up next to him. He gave me a quick hug and a kiss and slapped my butt as I walked out of the room before grabbing onto my hand.

Instead of going back to the audience he lead me outside to a limo. I’m pretty sure he was up for a couple awards and he shouldn’t be leaving, “Shouldn’t you stay?”’ “Nah, why?”

“You’re up for awards.”

“Oh shit,” he laughed, “You’re right.”

“We can go back,” I suggested.

“Nah, I don’t feel like it. We’re good,” Justin said as he put his arm around me and moved his other arm to my lap before pulling me on his lap and kissing me softly. I will tell you that feeling his lips on mine make me feel much better about everything.

“Aren’t you going to get in trouble?”

“I don’t care,” he continued kissing me.

“But what if you win?”

“I really don’t care Pooky, stop talking.”

We stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way to the club and ate in the limo. It was much more fun and relaxing than sitting in a crowd freaking out about my performance. I hardly even thought of it the whole time.

After awhile, we went into the venue. No one was there yet, well some people were coming in but there weren’t too many people there. We went to the stage and sat down at the piano with the curtains shut of course. Justin sat down next to me and we just played. It’s so cool to have someone in my life that I can just play with. It’s like we can read each other’s minds and make music so easily together.

“I’m going to introduce you, alright?”

I nodded my head, “Thanks,”

We continued playing until some guy came on the stage and told us we had to get off, so we walked backstage. I met a lot of Justin’s friends, which was cool enough, except his friends are like 50 Cent and Christina Aguilera. Then I saw Puffy coming over and I quickly made my way into the dressing room.

“Where’d you go Houdini?”

I sat down on the couch, “Puff Daddy is coming.”

“OK… and? He wants to meet you.”

“No he was making fun of me.”

“What?” Justin asked with a laugh, “Puffy was not making fun of you.”

“He was the only one standing up and clapping when I was finished.”

“That means he likes you, people give standing ovations when they like you.”

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. He’s acting like I’m new to the planet and I don’t know what a standing ovation is. The fact is that he was the only one and I sucked, I fucked it up and he was standing there clapping as if to be sarcastic and laugh in my face.

“He was not making fun of you, trust me. He wouldn’t make fun of you.”

“Because you know him so well,” I answered with a bit of sarcasm.

“I do actually,” he answered when there was a knock on the door and in walked Puff Daddy. He didn’t even wait for some kind of an answer or for us to even make a noise to ask him to come in, he just walks in like he owns the place. Maybe he does own the place... he owns lots of places. I hope he doesn’t because then I’d feel bad for saying all that.

“Hey Puff, what’s up man?” Justin asked as he stood up, “This is Gianna, Gi this is Puffy.”

“What’s up girl? Gianna, not Gina, I thought that was messed up.” He laughed and I gave him a fake smile. Judging by Justin’s reaction it was obvious I wasn’t really amused by being in the presence of Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Puff Diddy or any combination of the name.

“She’s nervous, ya know, she’s worried about going out there again.”

“Oh yeah, understandable,” Puffy said as he sat down next to be and I moved closer to Justin. “I’ll let you get back to your pre-show rituals I just wanted to come by and say hey. I heard your song on the radio and immediately I said who is this girl and why didn’t we find her first. But nah, Timberlake got her first, he’s got an ear for that.”

I looked over at Justin and he laughed before putting his arm around me, “That’s right bro.”

“You did good tonight. Your monitors were off, it happens. You showed them you’re a star because you finished and did a damn good job. Now you’re going to go out there and show them again and let them know you’re here to stay.”

I nodded my head; ok maybe he wasn’t making fun of me. I guess he’s not a jerk.

“She doesn’t talk huh?” Puffy asked with a laugh.

“Nah, not really,” Justin chuckled.

“I talk.”

“Well good, I know you can sing and that’s all that matters,” he stood up, “It was nice meeting you, don’t be nervous. I do yoga to calm me down before a show.”

“Really?” Oh my god, I think I love him, I know my face lit up. I’m so glad someone else does yoga to calm down. I told Justin it was a good idea and it really helps me to relax.

“Nah,” Puffy gave me one of those laughs that you are trying to hold it in but it’s so funny that you can’t, “J told me you were into it. You should have seen your face it lit up. Alright, later.”

And I’m back to hating him, that was kind of mean. “I really thought he did yoga,” I said after he left.

Justin chuckled and kissed my forehead, “He’s more of a Pilates guy.”

“Shut up,” I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder.

A knock on the door told me I had five minutes to go onstage. I’m going to just stay here with Justin and relax before I go out so I’m not a complete mess once again. “Shit! I need my dress.”

“Alright, relax.” He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket with his right hand while his left hand was still around me. Justin is very calm and collect, that could possibly have something to do with why he’s sold billions of records and I’ve sold three. As soon as he hung up the phone there was another knock on the door and in walked someone with my dress.

“Thank you,” I answered softly before standing up and looking at it carefully.

“Is everything alright?” Justin asked with a smile as he watched me from the couch.

“Yes, everything is alright.” I changed from one dress to the other, “Can you zip me?”

Justin stood up and zipped up my dress then kissed the back of my neck, “I like this much better,” he wrapped his arms around me, “It feels good to relax huh?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head and felt his lips on my neck again, “Thanks Snuckums.”

“Wait until after the show, then I’ll really relax you.”

I laughed as he turned me around to kiss my lips, “I’ll be ready.”

“Good,” he grabbed onto my hand and led me to the stage. It wasn’t until I was actually standing backstage that I started to get nervous again. “You doing alright Pooky?”

I nodded my head and he massaged my neck.

“Are you ready? I’m going to go out.” I nodded my head and Justin gave me one more kiss before walking on onstage. Everyone went absolutely crazy and I could see the flashes from backstage. I’m sure they never thought he would go out to introduce someone.

“How’s everyone doing? What’s up?” he laughed and waved as everyone continued to go nuts. He’s so good at what he does. He has all these people going crazy at the sight of him and he’s still so normal, you would never know he’s this huge star just by spending some time with him. “Alright, alright thank you, let’s be serious for a second here.” He waited as the calmed down, “Alright, thank you. This girl, coming up first, is no lie, going to be the next big thing. She was a little nervous before but she’s ready to come out here and show you what everyone’s been talking about. Her name is GIANNA GIBRALDA.” He said it slowly so everyone could understand, “Not that hard right?” he laughed, “Say it with me now, GIANNA GIBRALDA” everyone out there said my name, the right way, that made me smile. “Alright, you got it. Here she is, my girl, Gianna Gibralda.”

I walked out on stage and everyone screamed, I’ve never really gotten so much attention, especially not before I even play. Justin bowed down in front of me like they do to Buddha like he’s not worthy. “Shut up,” I said and made him stand up.

He winked at me and I walked over to the piano and took a deep breath before I began to play. This time my monitors worked and I wasn’t even nervous a little bit. Everyone screamed when I finished the song. “Thank you, gosh what a welcome. How’s everyone doing tonight? Are you ready for some fun?” they screamed again, this is a good audience. I like looking out and seeing normal people not uptight celebrities. “Yeah, I want to thank Justin Timberlake for that introduction,” he screamed, “I love it, everyone always screams when I say his name, it never goes wrong. I um…” I began playing while I was talking, “I’m Gianna Gibralda, as you all know by now. Gianna not Gina, and Gibralda like the straight. That’s how I remember it.” I laughed and they actually laughed too. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t disaster, “So that’s how you can remember it too. Alright, let’s get going, I’m running out of time,”

There are some things that I don’t think I’ll ever understand. For example, I don’t understand why I am currently waking up in bed next to Justin Timberlake. I spent last night performing at the Grammy’s and then at an after party. Millions of people saw me, granted I fucked up, but in general millions of people saw me. I’m just Gianna Gibralda, that weird girl from Savannah that is always on the piano.


By the time I woke up the next morning it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I was surprised to look over and see Justin still fast asleep next to me. That never happens. We didn’t get back to Justin’s until at least 4 so it’s not like we’re complete bums. Actually, we didn’t go to sleep until like 6 so really I could still go back to sleep to get my eight hours.

I decided I’d be domestic and let him sleep, so I quietly got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen is so big it’s a little overwhelming. I opened the refrigerator and saw there was nothing inside except Diet Coke, Sam Adams, ketchup, mustard, and a pack of Hershey Kisses.

I bit at my lip trying to think of what I could possibly make with those ingredients. Then, I looked into the other room and saw the glowing mass of goodness. I swear the piano was calling my name. It’s just so beautiful and so perfect. I let out a sigh and walked to the cupboards, maybe there’s something in there: A can of corn, some macaroni and cheese, and some moldy potatoes. EW! OK, I’m definitely moving on. Now I feel like I’m going to throw up.

As I walked away from the cupboard the sun was shining off the baby grand just perfectly like the moment I first saw it. I shouldn’t play it might wake up Justin. My brain and my head were not working together because I was walking right to it in a trance. I sat down and told my fingers not to play but they weren’t listening. He probably can’t hear me from up there anyway.

I don’t know how long I was on the piano because I get hypnotized. But I felt Justin’s hands on my shoulders, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you but I couldn’t help it.”

“There’s nothing like waking up to a jam session.”

“I wanted to make you breakfast but you don’t have any food.”

He laughed and stood behind me putting his arms around me and rested his head on mine, “It’s more dinner time isn’t it?”

“Probably.”

“Want to go get something?” I nodded my head and he helped me up.

I went to get changed when I heard Justin calling, “Pooky, come out here you’re on TV.”

I ran out with only one of my legs in my pants. I’ve never been on television, well except in second grade when my class was on the news for playing a recycling game. Justin laughed a little but helped me sit on the bed so I could watch.

“Thanks Billy,” the lady on television began, “The show was a success, as always, despite a few minor problems,” they cut to video of me on stage saying: I can’t hear anything. Good move Gianna, “Great performances all around, including Justin Timberlake’s new project Gianna Gibralda. She seemed very nervous but all together was able to pull it off. I got a chance to talk to her after her performance at Justin’s after party, which went off much better. She seemed much more confidant and seemed to have more fun. I even got to talk to her about her rumored romance with Justin.”

“I didn’t know they talked to you,” Justin said.

I nodded my head. Then the cut to the video of me from the night before, “I’m just really awkward and stuff” she laughed and so did Justin. If I remember correctly there were a bunch of people laughing. It wasn’t really a joke I was being serious. “I really get very nervous and the lights were in my face and my ear monitors weren’t working and I couldn’t hear anything and…”

“You were drunk?”

“No. I wish I was drunk.”

Justin laughed, throwing his head back, “priceless.”

“I do wish I was drunk,” I told him.

“It wasn’t that bad Gi,” he pulled me closer.

OK, back to the show. She said, “You were fantastic just now, you seemed much more comfortable.”

I nodded my head, “I’m much more comfortable on stage like that. That’s what I’m usually like, I promise.”

“That’s great. What’s it like touring with Justin?”

“It’s amazing, I’m having so much fun.”

“What do you have to say about rumors that you two are romantically involved?”

“I don’t listen to rumors.”

“He introduced you tonight as ‘my girl Gianna’.”

“My girl, like my girl. Like you could be my girl, like a friend.”

Justin laughed before turning the television off, “Don’t even try explaining it to them.”

I walked back into the bathroom to wash my face, “They asked me what happened to you because you weren’t there when you won.”

Justin walked into the bathroom and stood behind me putting his arms around my waist. “I don’t care,” he whispered in my ear and kissed the back of my head.

“You’re not a very good mentor, telling me to skip out on awards.”

“I got my priorities straight Pooky, that’s worth something,” he answered with a smile.

Is he saying I’m his priority? Well clearly he is saying that I’m his priority but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m his priority as his girlfriend. It could be more like his priority is making sure the first artist on his record label does not ruin everything and make his whole record label become a joke. I’m probably going to go with that one.

As we drove to the restaurant we were literally followed by three big SUV’s with people sticking out with cameras. “When are we going back on tour?”

Justin laughed as he looked over at me and rested his hand on my leg, “It’s not usually this bad, they just want to catch us out together.”

“We’re not fish.”

“What?”

“We’re not fish, they can’t catch us.”

He laughed and threw his head back; of course, he always seems to do that. “A couple days, we can make it.”

I nodded my head, “When it’s time for me to buy a house for my piano remind me not to pick Los Angeles.”

“Oh come on Pooky, its not that bad.”

“Justin, I feel like I’m getting chased by the cops.”

“Is that a feeling you’re used to back home in Savannah?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” I rolled my eyes. I really do feel claustrophobic and panicky but I need to control myself so he doesn’t get mad.

I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes before feeling his hand on my leg, “Are you alright?”

I nodded my head, “Sorry, it just makes me nervous.”

Justin grabbed onto my hand before quickly switching lanes and speeding off.

“What are you doing?” I pulled my hand out of his.

“Loosing them,” he answered as if it wasn’t a big deal that he’s currently going 95 down the street.

“You need both hands, don’t talk, concentrate.”

He laughed while he looked in the rearview mirror, “We’re good, they’re way back there.”

“We could crash, that’s dangerous. Don’t they know it’s dangerous?”

“I doubt they care.” Justin answered as he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. He held onto my hand as we walked in, I like when he does that. Well I mean, obviously I like that, who would ever say they don’t like holding hands with their boyfriend. If he is my boyfriend, I don’t even know. I guess he is, it’s just weird to refer to someone as my boyfriend, especially Justin Timberlake.

He is a good boyfriend though, assuming that he is my boyfriend. He does those cute things that you only read about in books or see in the movies. Granted, sometimes he gets moody but I know it’s difficult dealing with my shit. He puts up with me good though.

“I have a box for the Lakers tonight.”

“Like a present?” I don’t understand what he’s talking about. Why would he have a box for the Lakers? That’s a basketball team right? Maybe he’s friends with one of them and has a present, although I think he would say he has a box for his friend Derrick Jeter or something. He plays for the Lakers right? Is that even basketball? He’s the only one I know. But why would he get a present for the whole team?

“What?” now he’s the one that’s confused. He gave me that look he has where he has no idea what the hell I’m talking about and doesn’t even try to pretend that he does. I get that look a lot.

“What kind of a box?”

“Seats, box seats.”

“You sit in a box?”

He nodded his head and laughed, “You rent out the whole box, it’s like a room. There’s a bar and a buffet and waitress and TVs and you can watch the game alone with your friends and not be bothered.”

“OK,” that’s silly, why would you want to rent out a room to watch a game on television when you can watch it at home? “But why would you want to watch it in a room? Can’t you do that at home?”

“It’s at the game, there’s only three walls and you’re watching the game.”

“Then why are there televisions?”

Justin laughed, “Really Gi?”

“What? I don’t get it.”

“You have the television on so you can hear the announcers and get a closer look for some things, but you’re at the game so you get the feel of being at a game.”

“I still don’t really get it. Is there a roof around it? So if it rains or something you’re safe?”

“Rains? Gi, it’s inside. Basketball games are inside.”

“Oh,” now I feel like an idiot, “I don’t know much about sports.”

“I see that,” he laughed, “Have you ever been to a game?” I shook my head, “Of any sort?”

“Of course, I went to a soccer game once.”

“Beckham?”

“Huh?”

“David Beckham” he’s still laughing.

“No, who is that? I went to my cousin’s game once.”

“That does not count.”

“It totally counts. It was a good game, he scored 3 baskets.”

“Goals,” Justin smiled, “You’re like an alien.”

“Oh, goals? Are you sure? Because it’s like a basket.”

“It’s not like a basket, it’s a net.”

“I guess.”

Justin laughed and put his hand through his hair, “You’re so clueless, it’s adorable.”

I gave him a confused look, “OK.”

“So do you want to come? So I can educate you on the wonder of
basketball.”

“Um…” not really. Although it is something that he’s really into. I mean, he talks about basketball and always wants to play basketball. He’s good too, although I don’t know too much. He could suck. But he tries to teach me and I feel like he knows what he’s talking about. Obviously I have no idea, so he could be making up stuff and I’d still believe it. But he did tell me to put my elbows in more when I shoot and I did and I actually got it in the goal. Or the basket, I don’t know.

“I won’t be boring, the seats are comfortable and the bartender knows how to keep those Sloe Gin Collins coming,” Justin offered a smile.

Now I feel bad, he thinks I don’t want to go.

“I want to go, I just don’t want to annoy you with my questions.”

“You won’t, I’m ready for them.”




On the way home from lunch Justin stopped at a store so I could get my Lakers gear. “You could get a jersey, who’s your favorite player?”

“Michel Jordan”

“It’s going to be hard to find one of those.”

“Because he’s so good?”

“Nah, because he’s been retired since 99 and he never played for the Lakers,” he smiled. I gave him a blank stare and he laughed, “Let’s just go with a sweatshirt.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“My buddies are excited to meet you.”

“When?”

“Tonight.”

“Tonight?!?” I just about screamed. He did not tell me his friends were going tonight. I have never met his friends and I honestly am not ready to meet his friends. I know how close he is to his mother and his cousin so I’m sure that his friends are really important to him. What if they don’t like me? He will definitely listen to what they have to say.

Justin smiled as he signed the credit card slip before grabbing the bag with his left hand and my hand with his right. I don’t know if he’s planning on ignoring what just happened or what.

“Your friends are going tonight?”

Justin didn’t really answer; he just nodded his head and smiled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I thought there was a strong possibility you’d freak out. Although, clearly I couldn’t be more off on that one.”

I don’t like the sarcasm in his tone. He’s always sarcastic and it annoys me more than anything. “So you were just going to surprise me?”

“I’m telling you now. Calm down Pooky, it’s just a couple of my buddies.”

“I’m going to have a panic attack.”

“Why? They’re just my buddies, they’re idiots.”

“They’re important to you.”

“Well, yeah.”

“I want them to like me.”

“Why do you always think everyone is going to hate you? My mother loves you, Rachael loves you, and the guys will love you. You gotta get confident girl, this business is going to kill you if you don’t.”

“I’m confident in my music.”

“I know you are, you need to get confident with yourself.”

I’ve been standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair for the last ten minutes. Not even fixing, just touching my hair. It’s fine. It’s obviously fine. I can’t do anything else to it. I moved my hand away from my head and noticed I was shaking, I hate that I get so nervous over such stupid things.

“You all set Gi?”

I looked over and saw Justin in the doorway, “yeah, I can’t get my hair to do the right thing.”

“Your hair is definitely doing the right thing,” he smiled before grabbing onto my hand and kissing it, “don’t be so nervous.”

I nodded my head but it’s a lot easier to say I won’t be nervous than to actually not be nervous.

“They’re really low key and laid back, they’re not going to be grilling you or anything.”

“How many are going?”

“50,” my mouth dropped. 50 of his friends? I don’t even have 50 friends. I know he does though because the first dress rehearsal of the tour back in Memphis was supposed to be just some friends and half the venue was full. Justin laughed and rested his hand on my leg, “5 maybe, and their girlfriends.”

“That’s better than 50.”

“Much better,” he smiled, “You’re ready to go back on the road huh?”

I nodded my head; I never thought I would be so obsessed with touring. To be honest, I was nervous about it at the beginning, I thought I’d be homesick and want to sleep in my own bed. But the beds that I’m sleeping in at these five star hotels are like 100 times more comfortable than my bed at home.

“You don’t know how good it feels to finally find someone that likes touring just as much as I do. I absolutely love going on stage every night in front of a different group of kids in a different city.”

“It’s just amazing that I get paid to go out on stage and sing for 40 minutes every night. I mean, how many people get to do what they love to do like that? I’m in heaven when I’m up there.”

“Yeah me too,” he laughed, “The only bad thing is being away from the people you love. It’s works with you. We’ll just have to tour together forever.” Did he just say he loves me? I’m sure I’m reading too much into it. He says he hates being away from people he loves but then he said at least he has me. He probably means that he has me that he kind of likes so at least I can take the attention away from the people he really loves. Hell, I know I keep him busy with all my issues.

Justin laughed and held onto my hand that I only then noticed I was tapping uncontrollably. “Calm down, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Well why shouldn’t he have said that? Because he knows that I’m taking it the wrong way and now I’m going to think he loves me when he obviously doesn’t. Gosh, I hate that every single thing out of his mouth makes me go crazy.

We got to the Staples Center and went in a special entrance. It was kind of weird to go past all the people parking miles away and walking and then we just drive in this blocked off parking lot like it’s nothing. I guess by now I should know that Justin gets the VIP treatment whenever he goes.

“Why do we get to park here?”

“One of the perks of having a box,” he smiled and grabbed onto my hand as we walked past all the expensive cars, “It’s the players parking,” he explained.

I nodded my head, I’m sure that’s pretty impressive for someone that is into basketball. “My stomach is growling.”

“Yeah, I’m starving too.”

An usher met us at the door and led us down all these hallways until we got to a door that he opened for us. I guess this is the box, it’s not really a box, it’s more like a rectangle. Whatever it is, it’s huge. There’s a bar and a huge buffet and the seats go right out so you can see the game. And then there are all of Justin’s friends. I took a deep breath to prepare myself and Justin squeezed my hand to calm me down a little.

“What’s up?” Justin just about shouted and they all looked over and came over to us. He let go of my hand to hug everyone and I just kind of stood back and watched. “Where is she? Gianna, come here,” he said and I walked over, “This is Gianna,” he grabbed my hand, “Gi this is Matt, his girlfriend Zoe, Frankie, his girl Melanie, Danny, his girl Aubrie, Tim, his girl Kelly and Trace and his girl Alicia.”

Ugh, I hate that he never goes in order when he’s introducing me to people. He always pops around to tell me who is dating whom or what they do. I don’t know why he thinks I care about that, I’m more interested in getting their names down. “Matt, Frankie, Melanie, Aubrie, Danny, Tim, Kelly, Alicia, Trace and Zoe. Hi”

“She’s good,” Trace said with a smile before taking a sip from his beer.

“She’s amazing,” Justin nodded his head and smiled, “Let’s get some food.”

He led me to the buffet and handed me a plate, “It looks really good.”

“Yeah, you doing alright?” I nodded my head, “Not that bad right?”

“No, they seem nice.”

“Yeah, they’re real nice,” he laughed before stopping at the bar and finding a seat. We sat down at a little table with Trace and his girlfriend. At least I think it’s his girlfriend, I forget. But why would Trace be sitting at a table with one of his friend’s girlfriends? “Trace and I grew up together. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers.”

“That’s cute.”

“They’re attached at the hip,” the girlfriend said with a smile.

I don’t know how they’re attached at the hip when I never even knew he existed. I guess it’s possible that Justin did mention his best friend Trace but I’m just too focused on my own strange ways I didn’t even notice.

“We met back at the first show in Memphis.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I was so nervous I don’t remember anything about it.”

“Nah, it’s cool. That was back when you were just the girl with all the talent. Back before all those calls I got telling me about this girl that he just had to get to know.”

I looked over at Justin and he was turning a little red. He took a sip of his beer to hide it but it was too late. I’ve never seen him like that before. He’s usually so confident and strong. It actually feels good to think that maybe I make him a little nervous especially since I know how he makes me feel.

“Don’t embarrass him,” Alicia slapped Trace on the arm, “Are you a big basketball fan Gianna?”

“No,” I answered quickly and they laughed, “I’m here to learn.”

“I didn’t know anything about basketball until I met Trace. And now after dating him for a year there’s no possible way I couldn’t know everything about the sport.”

I like her. She’s nice and she’s trying to make me feel comfortable. I must say it’s actually working. I’m not nearly as nervous as I thought I would be.

After we ate, the game was just about to start so we sat down on the little balcony thing so we could see. I must say that basketball is very confusing. They’re just running back and forth and it’s hard to tell who has the ball and who is trying to get it up in the net thing on the right side.

“Which one is Derek Jeter?” I asked Justin.

“Number 2,” he answered

Number 2, number 2, I don’t see a number two. “Isn’t he playing?”

“No,” he said putting his arm around me,

“Why not? I thought he was like the best.”

“He plays for the Yankees.”

“Oh. They’re not playing?”

I looked up at him for the first time to see his smiling face shake his head, “Nah, they play baseball.”

My mouth dropped open, “Derek Jeter doesn’t play basketball?”

I heard someone laughing behind me and turned to see Frankie, “Is she serious?”

Justin laughed, “She’s serious. Baby, that’s baseball. He plays baseball.”

“Oh. He’s like the best at baseball though?”

“That’s debatable. Don’t say that too loud Tim over there is a huge Red Sox fan.”

I don’t know what that means. But I’m just going to stop talking now for fear of looking like even more of an idiot.

“How many runs do they have?”

“Baseball again. When it’s baseball season we’ll go to a game and you’ll be on point.”

“But they’re running like the whole time. Isn’t that called a run?”

“It’s not tag Gi,” he laughed again.

“I’m such a dummy with sports.”

“Not all sports, you’re a professional yogaist.”

“They’re called a yogi.”

“See, you know more than I do,” he laughed and kissed me gently.



After the game was over everyone decided they wanted to go get some drinks. “It wasn’t that bad was it?” Justin asked as we drove to Hollywood.

“No, I had fun. Your friends are cool.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “I told you.”

“I know, but I like them.”

“They like you too. Whoa, whoa, hold up.” I gave him a look like he’s crazy. Sometimes he randomly stops in the middle of a sentence and changes what he’s talking about. But this time it was ok. He turned up the radio and it was my song. My song was on the radio. My song. I’ve never heard my song on the radio and it’s on a Los Angeles radio station.

My mouth dropped open and Justin laughed, “Have you heard it on the radio before?”

I couldn’t form words so I shook my head. Oh my gosh, my song is on the radio. My song with my words and my voice and my piano is on the radio.

“Yeah! Alright, sing it Gi,” he sang along with the song and really this is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He’s more excited about it than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having a heart attack, but I can’t even pay attention to the fact that I’m on the radio. I just can’t keep my eyes off Justin and how happy he is for me.

My life is amazing.

“I love that song,” Justin said with a smile as it ended and he turned the radio down, “That’s my girl, on the radio.”

“I can’t believe I’m on the radio.”

“You made it now Pooky.”

“I can’t believe I’m on the radio,” I repeated. I’m a bit in shock.

“Well believe it, you’ve made it,” he kissed my hand.

“This is like a big deal huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty big deal,” he laughed, “take it all in.”

“I know, I’m just like… I can’t believe it. I didn’t think it would ever be on the radio.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, I just never thought about it.”

“I knew it would be on the radio,” he smiled.

“You always knew.”

He nodded his head, “Of course.” He stopped at a red light and kissed me, it still feels magical. I know that’s so corny but honestly every kiss from him make my heart patter. “We won’t stay long.”

“That’s ok, I like your friends.”

“Yeah me too, but we don’t have to stay long.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I know you don’t. We told them we’d go so we have to go for at least a little while. If we didn’t tell them I’d rather go home and celebrate your song on the radio. But we’ll have a couple drinks to celebrate here and then we’ll go back home and… you know… celebrate.”

I giggled like a thirteen year old and Justin laughed as we pulled up to the valet at the club. “It’s going to be rough, you ready?”

I nodded my head and he walked around to open the door and then led me inside. There were a lot of camera flashes, that’s for sure. This is one reason why I want to go back on tour. They were shouting things but I couldn’t hear them. I’m sure I could if I really tried but I was too busy thinking about the man that was holding onto my hand. I feel like a loser because I’m always thinking about him. And it’s not even like we’re away from each other. I’m always thinking about him and he’s right here with me the whole time. That can’t be normal.

I can’t even explain how good it feels to be back on tour. We stepped off the bus in Orlando and I followed Justin into the hotel. We don’t have a show tonight so we’ll be able to just do whatever it is we want.

“You’re ready to get on that stage huh?” Justin asked with a smile.

I nodded my head, “I can’t wait.”

“One more night,” he kissed my forehead as we stepped into the elevator and put the bags down pushing me up against the wall and kissing me, “I’d rather spend the night in bed.”

“We should have went to Disney World,” I said as the elevator door opened.

Justin laughed, “Or we could spend the night in bed.”

“Or we could go see the fireworks.”

“I thought you didn’t like fireworks.”

“I like fireworks. I just don’t like to be real close so the ashes fall on me. I’d rather see them from far away. I don’t like to hear them either, it’s kind of scary when they’re so loud.”

“Of course,” he laughed, “I’m sure we could see them from the balcony.”

“That’s perfect,” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him gently.

“I think we should go to bed then watch the fireworks then go back to bed.”

I laughed as he pushed me down on the bed. “You’re way too hot for me.”

Justin laughed, throwing his head back of course, “I think it’s the other way around Pooky.”

“Not even. I’m like a six and you’re like a sixteen.”

“You’re like a hundred and six,” he corrected me.

“I don’t think so.”

“If you’re only a six why is it so hard for me to keep my hands off you?” I shrugged as he unbuttoned my shirt, “Because you’re a hundred and six.”


~*~*~*~*~


I closed my eyes and cuddled up to Justin. I really feel like heaven when I’m with him. He ran his hands through my hair and kissed my forehead, “Baby, I have some things I need to take care of.”

Is he asking me to leave? “Oh, you want me to leave?”

“I mean, you can stay if you want. I have to do a couple interviews on the phone.”

“OK, I’ll leave,” I reached over to pull my clothes back on.

He sat up and grabbed onto my hand before I walked away, “I’ll call you when I’m done so we can watch those fireworks.”

“K, have fun.”

I went to my room but only lasted about a minute before I decided I wasn’t really in the mood to just sit there waiting. I think there was like a store downstairs in the lobby. I’m kind of hungry and not really in the mood for the peanuts or m&ms in the mini bar. I really want some Combos.

There was in fact a cute little store that reminded me of one of those stores at the airport. They had snacks and souvenirs and magazines. I grabbed a bag of cheddar cheese pretzel Combos and a Cherry Pepsi and walked towards the register. A magazine caught my eye simply because Justin’s face was on the cover and mine was in the corner. I know I’m supposed to stay away from tabloids but I haven’t been in too many magazines and it still feels weird to me. The title said in big letters, “Justin and Gianna Gibralda’s Secret Love.”

Wow. I don’t think I’d say we have a secret love. I mean love is a pretty strong word anyway. And to say it’s a secret relationship is kind of silly. A secret relationship would be if we were to only see each other when it’s dark and not a single person knows. People know. I laughed a little and put the magazine down but a different issue caught my eye.

On it was a big picture of Justin kissing Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz as in the beautiful actress from Charlie’s Angels. Why is Justin kissing her? Here comes a panic attack. My stomach is in knots and I can hardly breathe. Why is he kissing her? He’s supposed to be kissing me. The heading said, “Justin and Cameron, back together?”

I didn’t know they ever were together. Now that makes me feel like an idiot. Justin used to date Cameron Diaz and now he’s dating me. Talk about a downgrade. I grabbed the magazine and almost walked out before I realized I had to pay. I promise I wasn’t trying to steal I’m just so confused and I need to sit down and catch my breath so I don’t fall over with my panic attacks and hives.

It was hard, but I did make it to my room without falling over. I took a deep breath before opening the magazine and reading the story. The story was three damn pages long. And there were so many pictures that made my stomach curl even more. It’s obvious it’s not made up; I mean seriously there are pictures.

I took a deep breath and managed to calm myself down enough to go talk to Justin. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to say to him or ask him. I’m so not good and confronting people. I stepped out of my room just in time to see Justin hugging Cameron Diaz. Oh. My. God. I can’t breathe. I quickly closed the door and fell onto the ground. Why is she here? Why is she in his room right after I was in his room? No wonder why he wanted me to leave, he never asked me to leave before.

Why did I think that we were actually dating? What made me think that Justin Timberlake would be even the slightest bit interested in Gianna Gibralda when he has girls that are world famous movie stars like Cameron Diaz interested in him? I forced myself to take many deep breaths and gained the power to stand up and look out the peephole. I heard my phone ring and that made me jump about a mile in the air.

I can’t believe its Justin. His girlfriend just left and now he’s calling me up. Who does that? I should have known better. I should know that he’s this huge music star and celebrity who has girls throwing themselves at him all the time. Why would he want only one girlfriend when he could have 20? It all makes sense now.

“Hello?”

“Hey Pooky, I’m done.”

I nodded my head.

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing.”

“Where do you want to watch the fireworks? Your place or mine?”

I don’t really want him to come here because then he won’t leave. At least I can go there, call him out, and then be back in bed before the fireworks even starts.

“I’ll come over.”

“Alright, I’ll be here.”

I nodded my head again before closing my phone. I need to calm down a little before I go in there. I took a few deep breaths and walked to his room down the hall. “You made it,” he kissed my forehead. I nodded my head. “Your hives are back, are you alright?” of course he would notice my stupid hives. I know I should have changed into a turtleneck. “I have some of that lotion,” he went for his bag.

“I’m fine. How were your interviews?”

“Fine. The usual.”

I nodded my head; he’s still going to lie to me. I’m right down the hall; you would think he’d be sneakier about it and like meet up somewhere that I’m not. He doesn’t even try to be sneaky; he doesn’t even try to hide it from me.

“What did you do?” he asked.

“I went down to the gift shop and got some Combos. Oh, and look what I found.” I handed him the magazine making sure to see his reaction.

He laughed before looking up at me and seeing that I did not find the humor even a little. “Pooky, it’s a tabloid. They make shit up, that’s what they do.”

“Oh, ok fine. Then how come ten minutes ago she was leaving your room?”

He didn’t even try to say anything to that one. Not that I would have let him spread some more lies if he wanted to.

“You have a girlfriend!” I shouted. I can’t believe I’m the idiot who spent this whole time thinking that Justin Timberlake was even the slightest bit interested in me.

“I don’t” and here he is the whole time dating some huge celebrity actress. Obviously he would not want to date me, a stupid opening act when he can date these girls that are world famous.

“You tell me not to read the tabloids, because you’re in them with your girlfriend.”

“That’s not…” here comes another panic attack. I thought I was done with them but clearly that’s not the case.

“I want to leave,” I said between taking deep breathes, “I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home”

“Alright, come on breathe Pooky, you’re going to be ok”

“No. Don’t… you don’t get to call me that anymore. I’m not going to be ok.”

“Come on Gi, take deep breathes for me.”

I shook my head as I stood up but then had to stop to catch myself because I almost felt like I was going to fall down, “Don’t try and be the nice guy now and pretend like you care.”

“Come on Gianna, I do care, that’s not fair.”

“Fair? What is fair anymore?”

He grabbed onto my arm to stop me from leaving his room, “If you just listen to me and let me explain…”

“Please just let me go Justin Timberlake” the look on his face was as if I had just killed his dog. He slowly let go of my grip and I walked away. I didn’t mean to call him his full name, but it just came out. I couldn’t just call him his first name.

As I walked to my room I could hear him coming after me. I don’t get why he won’t just let me go. We were obviously never together like I thought we were so he can just go back to his girlfriend and everyone will be happy.

“Gianna.”

I just shook my head and quickly shut the door before he got too close. I leaned against the closed door and took a couple deep breaths before sliding down and burying my head in my legs. I need to try and calm myself down or I’m going to have a heart attack. Then I heard knocking, like tapping, but it was right next to me, right by my ear. He’s probably sitting down on the opposite side of the door just like I am. I stood up and quickly blasted my Enya and then sat back down. I can’t hear the knocking anymore, but I need to stay sitting here. Even though I hate Justin Timberlake so much right now I still need him near me to calm me down.
The thought of us sitting in the same position with only a door between us helps me calm down.

My alarms sounded a little fainter than usual and when I opened my eyes I saw it was because I had fallen asleep in front of the door. I took a shower and got ready really quick because I have to go to a radio interview. When I went to leave I had to step over Justin because he was sleeping outside of my door. I guess he fell asleep too. He looks really cold and uncomfortable. I almost feel bad. But then I remembered that he has a girlfriend so I kept walking.

He woke up as I walked by and stood up, “Gianna.”

Thankfully the elevator door was able to close before he got too close. I made it to the interview without him catching up. I really feel sick to my stomach thinking about him. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him but I can’t stop. Why can’t I stop? He’s gross.

“We’re here live with Gianna Gibralda, now Gianna, we just premiered your song last week and let me tell you there has been more people calling in and requesting it than we’ve had in a real long time.”

I nodded my head and then realized I was on the radio and they can’t see me so I should probably try talking, “That’s so cool, thank you.”

“What’s it like to be on tour with Justin?”

“It’s fun.”

“Yeah, I bet. You two have gotten very close on tour haven’t you?”

I shrugged; damn there I go again with the whole not talking thing. I just really don’t want to talk about this. Ever. Especially not with these two guys I don’t even know. “I guess, he’s kind of been like a mentor to me.”

“What about rumors that you two are dating?”

“We’re not dating. I can promise you that.”

I think maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

For the rest of the day I managed to stay clear of Justin for the most part. There were a couple close calls and one time I had to literally run away from him. It’s not my fault, I turned the corner and there he was talking to one of his dancers. He saw me and stopped talking but I’m too fast for him.

I ran into the makeup room out of breath and closed the door quickly, “Are you alright?” Stacy asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, hi.”

“You’re a little early,” she looked at her watch, “Like three hours early.”

“I’m not here for you to do my makeup, I’m here to hide.”

“From what?”

I took a deep breath; I don’t really want to talk to her about it because she always takes Justin’s side. And she always thinks I’m overreacting. I’m so sick of everyone thinking I’m overreacting. I know I do sometimes, but this is not one of those cases. At all.

“Or from who?” she continued, “Justin?”

“I was thinking you could do my nails.” I tried to change the subject. She’s wanted to do my nails forever but I’m not big on nails. Plus I need them to play and I’m afraid I might get distracted.

She looked at me for a second before grabbing my hand and a file and got to work. “Is everything ok?” I nodded my head, “Justin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“So yeah, it’s about Justin.”

“I thought if you did my nails it would shut you up. If not forget it, I’ll go somewhere else. “

“Alright, we won’t talk about it. But I’m here when you’re ready to. It does help.” I know she’s waiting for me to tell her something, but I’m not going to, “Are you excited to get out there again?” I nodded my head, “Did you miss me?”

I laughed, “Of course.”

“Good. I saw you on the VMS’s.”

“Oh great, I was amazing wasn’t I?”

She laughed, “You did great. I loved it.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“Who Justin?” I nodded my head, “Yeah, you.”

“No, like a real girlfriend. Cameron Diaz.”

“Cameron? No, sweetie, they broke up a long time ago. He hasn’t seen her in…”

“Hours? She was in his room yesterday. I was there and he told me to leave because he had an interview to do and then I walked by and saw Cameron Diaz give him a hug before leaving his room.”

Stacy was silent for a few seconds trying to take it all in, “I don’t think he would…”

“He did.”

She stopped filing my nails and looked at me again. Who would think Justin would turn out to be such a jerk? She’s as surprised as I am. Someone started banging on the door and she walked over to it.

“Hey Stace, have you seen Gi?” it was Justin, obviously. Just hearing his voice made me cringe a little.

“No, I haven’t seen her.” I love her, I really thought she would sell me out and tell him.

“Oh,” he sounded disappointed for a second, “Well, it’s you see her tell her I’m looking for her alright?”

“Will do,” she closed the door and walked back over to be, grabbing the nail file again. “Justin’s looking for you.”

I laughed, “Thanks Stacy.”

“Sure sweetie, but you do need to talk to him.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes, you know you have to.”

“I don’t have anything to say to him.”

“Then listen, I’m sure he has a lot to say.”

I really just want to go home. Well, I don’t want to go home because I want to go on tonight but maybe if I hide out every day and then go onstage and go back to the hotel and lock the door and hide out again until the next show Justin won’t see me for months. It could work.

When she finished my nails, they actually look cute, I had to leave because she had to get all the other people ready so I snuck out and managed to make it back to my dressing room without running into Justin even once. It is very possible to make it the rest of the tour without seeing him once. I really think I could do it.

Touring is boring though without him. I don’t even remember how I spent all my time. It’s only four and I don’t even go on until 7:30. What would I usually be doing now? Probably playing cards with Justin or doing yoga with Justin or playing basketball with Justin or running around the venue… yeah with Justin. I could go run around without him, but then I might run into him. I’d rather just hang out in here and twiddle my thumbs.

I jinxed myself because Justin came in my dressing room a few minutes later. He just walked in like he owned the place. “Um, excuse me I’m trying to do yoga.”

“Are you? It looks like you’re sitting on the couch.”

“I’m getting ready to do yoga.”

“Oh, ok,” he nodded his head and smiled before sitting down next to me, “I’ve been looking for you all day.”

I know you idiot, why does he act like I don’t know that?

“Are you ready to listen?” he looked right at me but I looked away.

“No, I don’t need to listen.”

“You don’t need to listen.”

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Because you already know everything.” I nodded my head. He sure as hell does not need to give me an attitude right now.

“Don’t be rude.”

“Now I’m being rude, and we’re back to that.”

I rolled my eyes, “I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“You don’t have to talk, just listen. I happen to still be friends with my ex-girlfriend.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“I haven’t seen her in months and she happened to be in Orlando filming a movie so she came by and…”

“I’m not listening.” I covered my ears and looked away from him.

Justin pulled my hands away from my ears and looked more pissed off than he had ever been in his life, “Would you stop acting like you’re 8 and listen to me?” he shouted, “It is one thing to be paranoid and nervous and annoying and have the ability to overreact with every fucking thing. But for you to sit there and look at me and think I’d cheat on you is a fucking insult. I have never in my life so much as looked at another girl when I’m with somebody.” He stood up and started pacing around the room, “Cameron was over for ten minutes, and you know that because you were with me before and after. We talked about you the whole time Gianna.”

“You’re getting really upset.” He wanted me to say something so I did, although I know that’s not what he wanted me to stay.

“No shit Gi. Why would I have sex with you and then go meet up with my ex-girlfriend for anything more than to talk?”

“I don’t know Justin, why?”

He took a deep breath, “You’re fucking ridiculous Gianna. Get some fucking Xanax.”

“OK, and that’s not ridiculous at all,” I answered sarcastically, “If you cared about me as much as you claim you do you wouldn’t stoop that low.”

He took a deep breath and sat down again.

“I know that I freak out about things that don’t always need to be freaked out about but this isn’t one of those things,” I answered calmly, “You had sex with me, asked me to leave, and had your ex-girlfriend over. Whether you did something or not you knew it was wrong or you would have told me your ex-girlfriend was going over instead of lying and saying you had an interview to do.”

“No, I didn’t tell you because I knew you would overreact.”

“I would not overreact if you did not ask me to leave and introduced me to her instead of hiding me from her.”

“I am not hiding you from her Gianna, do you want to meet her? You can meet her.”

He’s insane. Seriously insane. “I don’t want to meet her.”

“What do you want then?”

“You to get out of my room and let me do yoga.”

He did leave, more like stormed out, but he left me alone for the rest of the day. As I walked down to the stage I didn’t see Justin anywhere. Usually he’s somewhere with a shot ready for me. There was no shot. I don’t need a shot, it’s just that I’m used to it.

It felt weird going on stage again, and for a second before I went out there I did not want to do it. But as soon as I got out there I remembered why I missed it so much.

After getting off the stage, I walked right by Justin and his dancers. He did look at me, he like watched me as I walked by but I pretended like he wasn’t even there. I know that’s probably not the right thing to do, and I do feel a little bad that I’m making him so mad. But hell, he made me even madder.

I walked past him and go right in a car that took me back to the hotel. I don’t know what I’m doing. So I guess I’ll just do some yoga.

It’s been a week and a half since the whole… incident and I am proud to say that I have managed to avoid Justin the whole time. I think it’s come to the point that he’s trying to avoid me just about as much as I’m trying to avoid him.

I figure that the tour only goes on for another month and then I don’t ever have to see him again. It is very possible that I make it that long without having to talk to him. I’ve done it for a week and a half, what’s a couple more months? Easy as pie.

Although the tour has been extremely boring, I’ve come up with a few things to do to pass the time away. Mostly I play, I got a keyboard and all I do is sit in my dressing room and play. I’m sure that has something to do with the reason why I don’t really run into Justin that much, but I am coming up with some good songs.

My door opened and Justin walked in. I totally jinxed it. I hate that he comes in like he owns the place. He doesn’t even knock. I continued playing, ignoring him completely but he didn’t like that. Obviously he didn’t like that, he needs everyone to acknowledge his presence all the time. “They want us to work on a song.”

I continued playing, “Who is they?”

“Johnny.”

“That would be he, not they.”

Justin took a deep breath and sat down on the couch next to me, “Are you really going to correct my grammar right now?”

I took a deep breath, mimicking his, “Well if you say they it means more than one person and…”

“Alright, he.” Justin broke in, “Johnny wants us to work on a song. Us… you and I, is that the correct personal pronoun?”

I rolled my eyes, “Well I’m kind of busy so maybe some other time.”

He took another deep dramatic breath, “Look Gi, I don’t want to be here anymore more than you do.”

“Good, then leave.”

I looked over to see him rubbing his hands through his hair, “Your album is dropping in a few months and if we want a song on it we need to do it now.”

“Well we don’t want a song on it so we don’t need to worry about It.” it is not his album he does not need to act like he has any control over what I put on my album.

“Fuck Gianna, I’m trying to help you. People don’t know your music yet and having a song on it with me will get their attention. You want attention.”

What’s that supposed to mean? “And if I don’t have a song with you no one will buy it?”

“I didn’t say that,” he ran his hands through his hair again, “Gianna, all I’m saying is it will give you attention. We all know it’s going to be a crazy album but they don’t. The people out there don’t know you from shit and if we do a song together it will get their attention and then they can figure out what a crazy album it is on their own. What’s the point of having such a kick ass album like you do if no one knows about it?”

“Fine,” I said softly as I started to play again.

I could see him smile out of the corner of my eye; I think he even laughed a little. I don’t know why, but there’s a lot I don’t understand about that kid. He grabbed the guitar that magically appeared next to him. I guess he brought it in with him but I obviously didn’t see that.

He started playing and I swear there’s just something about us when we’re together that it’s like music just forms. It’s like we know what the other one is going to play next and we can write a song in seconds. The hard part about a song, for me at least, is the lyrics. It’s easier for him. Who am I kidding? Every part of music is easy for him.

Justin started humming and mumbling and I just kept playing. I’m more focused on listening to him then to write my own lyrics. He just becomes a different person, it’s like he has an out of body experience. I wish I could write music like he does.

I flipped through the pages of my notebook and found a song I wrote that would fit perfectly with the music. It’s hard for me to put two and two together. I can write lyrics but not with music and vice versa. I guess that’s just something I need to work on. Justin, on the other hand, can sit down with a guitar and write music and lyrics in a matter of seconds.

I don’t really want to sing it in front of him, since it’s obviously about him but it would fit perfectly so I need to just do it. “Wait, start over, I got it. Let me go first then join in.”


“You thought we'd be fine
All these days gone by
Now you’re asking me to listen
Well then tell me bout everything
No lies we're loosing time


Cause this is a battle
And it’s your final last call
It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
But why aren’t you sorry, why aren’t you sorry, why?
This can be better, we used to be happy, try


You've got them on your side
And they wont change their minds
Now its over
And I'm feeling like we've missed out on everything
I just hope it’s worth the fight


Cause this is a battle
And it’s your final last call
It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
But why aren’t you sorry, why aren’t you sorry, why?
Things could be better, we can be happy, try!”


I stopped singing but continued playing. Justin looked over at me but I turned my gaze away from him quickly because I don’t want him to see me ready to cry. It’s just so much easier to get my feelings out in a song than it is to actually talk about it.


“Cause this is a battle
And it’s your final last call....
It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
But why aren’t you sorry, why aren’t you sorry, why?
This can be better, we can be happy, try!”


We both played for a few beats longer and then stopped at the same point. Justin took a deep breath and I wiped the tears that were starting to form in my eyes. There were a few seconds of awkward silence.

“I am sorry,” Justin answered softly.

I took a deep breath and stood up before I start having a panic attack. I go on stage in less than an hour; I don’t have time for this. “I’m done. I have to go to makeup.”

“Gianna,” he stood up to stop me but I kept walking.

“I need to go.”

I could hear him following behind me and then I noticed he wasn’t anymore. He turned into his dressing room as I made it to Stacy’s room.

“What’s wrong hunny?” she asked as I plopped down on the chair. I hate that she can always tell when something’s wrong.

“Nothing, please don’t ask me again, I need to focus on the show.”

She nodded her head and started on my hair, “Did you try those chicken wings? They’re to die for.”

I laughed and shook my head, “No, I didn’t eat yet.”

“I doubt there’s any left, but I’ll hurry up.”

“Thanks.”

She actually did hurry up. That very rarely happens, but I think she could tell I wasn’t really in the mood to chitchat. I grabbed some food on my way back to the room, planning on eating quickly so I have enough time for Enya. I’m running a little late since someone decided that he wanted to write a song with me an hour before I go on. Of course for me, things never go the way they’re planned.

“Here she is, Gianna, look who is here to see you.” I could hear one of Justin’s security guards. I don’t know which one. They’re all extremely huge and have really deep voices, it’s hard to tell who is who, and we all know how bad I am with names anyway.

Who could possibly be here to see me? We are in South Carolina; I do not know a single person in this state. “Oh, you’re beautiful, even more beautiful than you were on television. Just as beautiful as I remember.” It was a female voice… I know no one who lives here or even close to here that would know how beautiful I was to remember.

I looked up and my palms got sweaty, my legs shook, I stopped breathing and saw my mother. My mother that I haven’t seen ever in my whole life, except I would suspect the day I was pushed out of her. I don’t even know if I saw her then, for all I know she pushed me out and than ran away so I never even got a look at her. The only reason I know she’s my mother is because she looks just like she does in the one picture of her my father gave me when I was six.

“Are you ok?” I heard her ask and I shook my head.

“I can’t breathe,” I fanned myself and kept walking, I need to go on stage in a few minutes and this is not exactly helping the calming environment I’m supposed to be in right now with Enya.

“Gianna sweetie, were are you going?”

How does she have the right to talk to me like that? How does she have the right to show up here after not even writing to see that I was alive for the past twenty-five years? How the fuck did she get past security?

And why the fuck did she have to get past security today, out of all days, and now, out of all times? I need to go onstage and I just had a run in with Justin that I much rather would not have had and now I have to deal with all this AND go onstage in front of thousands in a matter of minutes.

I went into my dressing room and shut the door, locking it behind me and falling to the ground right in front of the door. It wasn’t even a second later that she started knocking, “Gianna, sweetie, I’m just here to talk.”

Stop calling me sweetie; I’m not your sweetie. Stop talking to me; stop showing up unannounced and stop pretending like you want to be part of my life.

“Is she ok?”

And stop pretending like you care if I’m ok or not. You never cared before, you never cared when I broke my leg or when Jason Sanders dropped a hammer on my head and I had a concussion.

“Go get Justin,” I could hear Rachael’s voice, “Someone go get Justin. You need to like… go away, she needs to be alone for a minute.”

I took deep breaths and tried to focus on something other than the fact that only a door separates me from the lady who gave birth to me. I don’t want to call her my mother; I refuse to call her my mother. Mother’s don’t leave their children as soon as they’re born. She didn’t even get to meet me; she didn’t even have a chance to figure out if she didn’t like me. She didn’t even give me a chance.

The door opened and closed quickly, with Justin sneaking in. He sat down next to me and handed me a bottle of water, “Are you alright?”

“I don’t want her here”

“I know. We’re taking care of it Pooky”

“I don’t want you here either.”

“Well I’m staying, so you need to get over that,” he put his arm around me and pulled me so I was on his lap, “It’s ok, breath baby.”

I really hate that he’s the only one that can calm me down. I hate that all he has to do is put his arm around me and I feel like everything will be ok. I’ve never felt like that before. There’s never been anyone that can just hold me and I feel safe. I feel like it’s actually going to work out when he’s there. That’s makes it really hard for me to hate him.

“How are you doing?” I heard Justin’s voice and woke up from my episode. I forgot where I was and what was going on for a second. Then I quickly remembered.

“Horrible.”

Justin laughed and ran his hand through my hair, “You’re breathing, that’s a plus.”

“I don’t get how she can just show up and think that I’m going to be happy to see her. I mean I’ve never even met her. She’s never called or sent me a birthday card. And now she just shows up?”

“I know Pooky, it sucks.”

I know he’s trying to be nice and understanding but he doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it because he has a mother that’s amazing. “You don’t know how much it sucks Justin.”

“I don’t know? Are you serious? When you make it everyone comes out of the woodwork. You have all these cousins you never knew and all these old friends that never existed. That’s when you know you made it.”

“Yeah but your mother? I understand cousins or something but my mother? I didn’t think she was that shady. I thought she just was scared and ran away because she couldn’t take care of me. I thought she was a good person but now I know she is shady. I should have known that from the beginning.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe she’s been trying to get in touch with you and couldn’t. Maybe this is the only way she knows how.”

“Maybe not. I’m not falling for that. We’ve lived in the same house since I was born, she knew where to find me if she wanted to. It’s different, you don’t get it. You’re mother is amazing, you don’t have this issue.”

“Yeah, my mother is amazing, I’m lucky. But my father is more like your mother.”

“Your father?” Now that I think about it I haven’t heard much about Justin’s father.

“Yeah. He was around until I was two then disappeared until I got signed. He didn’t call or send me birthday cards either. He wanted nothing to do with me until I could do something for him.”

I don’t know how to react to that. I just always assumed his life was perfect. “What did you do?”

“I have step brothers so if I want to see them I have to see him.”

“Do you think I have step brothers?”

He shrugged, “There was a kid with her.”

“There was?” I did not even notice a kid. Granted, I did see her and pretty much run away. “So you think I should talk to her?”

“It’s up to you baby, it’s a decision you need to make. No one would look at you badly if you didn’t want to. It makes complete sense, I don’t know if she deserves you even recognizing her. But it might help to talk to her.”

I nodded my head, I’m sure it would help a little to talk to her. I mean, my whole life I wished I could meet her. But now that I have the opportunity I’m not so sure I want to. “I don’t think I can though. I can’t even look at her without having a panic attack.”

“I’ll go with you if you want. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, it might be good just to listen.”

I know he’s right and I can’t just make her leave. I’d feel bad about it forever and always wonder what would have happened if I did talk to her. Maybe Justin is right. Maybe she’s been trying to talk to me for my whole life but couldn’t and now she finally found a way. I don’t think that’s the case but what if it is?

“Either way, you go on in ten minutes. Tell me what you want to do and I’ll go tell them. If you want me to get rid of her I’ll get rid of her.”

“I can’t go on with her here.”

He nodded his head, “What if I get rid of her and then she can meet us for dinner after? If you change your mind we won’t go.”

“OK,” that sounds like the best option.

“Great, I’ll go take care of it and come back when it’s all set,” he kissed my forehead before standing up, “Do some yoga will you?”

I should do some yoga to calm down. But instead, I pushed my ear to the door so I could hear what Justin was saying to the lady that calls herself my mother.

“Hey, I’m Justin.”

“Of course you are,” I could hear her.

“Yeah, of course. Well listen, you should leave. Gianna wants to meet up for dinner after the show.”

“Oh, well that’d be great. We really were looking forward to seeing her on stage though.”

“Right. Well it’s not going to happen. So, do you guys want to show her out and Rachael can you set up dinner? Thanks, nice meeting you.”

I kind of love him. The door opened and I almost fell out, “Eavesdropping?” he asked with a smile.

“Thank you,” I fell into his arms, “You saved me.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“You were kind of an asshole.”

“I was,” he agreed with a smile holding me tightly, “I was good right? Real believable.”

“Yeah, thanks Snuckums.”

Rachael knocked on the door a few minutes later telling me that the lady who calls herself my mother was gone. Then she told me that I had to get to stage like ten minutes ago. As soon as we opened the door she handed us each a shot. She’s so good. “You’re amazing Rachael.”

She smiled but I don’t think she realizes how much I love her, “She is amazing,” Justin agreed with a smile. Now Rachael rolled her eyes.

I walked to the stage and took a few deep breaths. It’s pretty obvious that I’m nervous before I go on every night, but now I’m freaking out like it’s my first show. And I even know that the lady who calls herself my mother is gone. Imagine how I would feel if she was here. Probably like I was passed out on the ground because I’m pretty sure that’s where I’d be.

The show was over too fast, and then Justin’s show was over way too fast. I swear it was the quickest show ever. I kept running through it in my head wondering what songs he must have skipped. I couldn’t find any though. Maybe he just shortened them. I don’t know what he did but he had to do something.

I waited for Justin right under the stage and walked out with him. He put his sweaty arm around me and we went straight to his bus, “Are you ready for this Pooky?”

“No.”

He laughed, “We can handle it. I’ll be the asshole for you, I don’t mind.”

“Good,” I smiled as we made it into his hotel room. I did my hair and tried to get ready while Justin was in the shower.

“Are you ready?” he asked me as I finished up my hair. I am ready physically but I’m not ready mentally. I would say we could wait for me to be ready mentally but that may never happen.

“I think we should make her wait a little,” I said as I sat at the foot of his bed.

Justin laughed and sat down next to me, “Then let’s make her wait. You don’t want to wait too long though.”

“Why not? She made me wait twenty five years she can wait twenty five minutes for me.” So what if I’m bitter. I really think I have every right to be.

“You want to get it over with though. You’re thinking about it too much and working it up to be more than it is,” his hand rested on my leg and as corny as it sounds, feeling him by me made me feel like I can deal with it.

Justin stood up and reached his hand down to me. I took his hand and did not let go until we got to the restaurant. Even then I just let go for a second and felt like I was going to pass out again when I saw her, and he grabbed onto my hand again. “Let’s sit Gi.”

I nodded my head and sat down, taking a sip of water right away. I took a few deep breaths but Justin held onto my hand the whole time. We all sat in silence for what seemed like years. “So…” Justin began.

“So,” the lady who calls herself my mother responded… very original. I’ve decided I don’t like her, not even a little bit. This was a bad idea to come.

“So,” now it’s my turn to talk, “why after twenty five years did you finally decide you wanted to meet me and then have nothing to say?”

That must have caught her by surprise because the look on her face was complete shock, she didn’t know what to say. I don’t care if I’m being a bitch, I would like to know.

“What do you want? Money? Tickets? What?”

“Gianna I don’t want anything from you. There has not been one day that has gone by since you were born that I didn’t think about you.”

“Well there have been plenty of days that have gone by before you did something about it. Why now?”

“I don’t have an answer to that sweetie. I’ve wanted to contact you for a long time.”

“Right,” I know I rolled my eyes but it was more of a chain reaction. I don’t want to be here, “I’m not hungry, I’m ready to go.”

I wanted to get up but I couldn’t physically do it. Justin squeezed my hand to tell me everything would be ok. I took a few deep breaths and decided to let her talk.

“Your father didn’t think…” I don’t know if she finished or not but I sure has hell didn’t hear anything.

“Don’t you dare blame anything on my father. My father is a damn good man and he raised me on his own without a clue what he was doing.”

“I’m not blaming anything on your father. I know he’s a great man,” then what the fuck is her problem? I really don’t like her. “I regret what I did Gianna, I regret it every day. I was young and I was scared.”

“And he wasn’t? When you’re scared you just run away from things? Especially a baby. I mean I know I was a mistake but how do you just leave a baby?” Now I’m crying. This is wonderful.

“I couldn’t have taken care of you, I couldn’t have given you the life that you deserved.”

“And my father could do it all by himself? Without any help from anyone?”

“I was young,” she repeated for the twentieth time. I get it.

“Well if you’re too young to deal with the consequences than you probably shouldn’t be having sex should you?”

The lady who calls herself my mother took a deep breath. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I’d just jump into her arms after all this shit. I’m not going to just forget about everything, I can’t.

I’m starting to shake now, and I’m already sweating. I can’t tell if I’m crying or not, I just really want to go back to the hotel. Justin rubbed my leg under the table and I looked up at him. He gave me a concerned look and tried to assure me without words that it would be ok.

I want to leave.

“You didn’t even know me,” I said softly, “You didn’t even get a chance to hate me. Did you even look at me? When I was born did you even hold me? I’m your child. Aren’t you supposed to have some sort of a mother child connection after giving birth? Are you like missing that fucking gene?”

“Gianna I am so sorry.”

“Well that’s great. But sorry does not change anything. Sorry does not go back in time and answer all my questions. Sorry doesn’t take the only girl in Brownies without a mother to the mother daughter camping trips. Sorry does not help a young girl figure out how everyone else can find love except her and how she’ll ever find love when even her own fucking mother doesn’t love her. I’m glad you’re sorry. I hope telling me you’re sorry clears your conscience. But to me, you’re still shit.” I managed to stand up this time, “I have to go.”

As I walked out of the room I felt Justin grab onto my hand. It’s a real possibility that I’m going to fall over. I took deep breaths and tried my hardest to stop crying so I could at least see where I was walking. My eyes were all foggy from all the tears that it was really hard for me to even walk.

When we got outside there was obviously no car anywhere since we weren’t supposed to be out so early. I cannot stand here waiting, but it’s pouring. Of course it’s raining, that’s just my life. I kept walking out in the rain and Justin followed me, “Pooky, come on.”

“I can’t just wait, I can’t.”

He didn’t say anything but walked with me back to the hotel. It was a long walk but it was actually what I needed. The cold rain calmed me down a little and I could cry all I want and no one knew it wasn’t just the rain.

By the time we got to the hotel we were both dripping wet. We got on the elevator and Justin rubbed the back of my neck before kissing my forehead. He wiped under my eyes, “It’s ok.”

The elevator door opened and he lead me out. I walked to my room and pulled my wet clothes off quickly. I was walking around in my bra and panties trying to find something to change into for a few minutes before I realized that Justin was in my room too. I don’t know where my clothes are; I don’t even know what I’m looking for.

Justin came over to me and hugged me tightly. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t need him to. He just held onto me and let me cry in his arms. I’ve never been able to cry in someone’s arms before. Maybe it is possible for me to find love… even if my own mother doesn’t love me.