She kicks at the wrapping paper on the floor as she shuffles towards the refrigerator. Closing her eyes slowly she hopes to get rid of the burning. When she opens them again the pain returns immediately and she’s greeted by the blaring red numbers on the oven. 3:26. A year ago she would be stumbling in from a party at this time and not give a shit, but now, now every moment of sleep she can get in precious.

A wail filters through the forgotten baby monitor in her hand. She stares down it having another moment of complete disbelief. The baby waiting upstairs is hers. She’s a mother. Somehow the excitement of her friends and few of her family carried her through to this point, but standing in her empty house, every one else having gone home for the night or even worse, gone out for the night, she feels like its settling in for the first time.

There was no end to the help and company for the first month. It seemed like a million people wanted to get a peek at her son and lift her spirits at the same time, but the novelty has worn off now. She wonders if it’s worn off for her as well.

Another wail breaks into her thoughts and she pulls a pre-pumped bottle from the fridge and sticks it into the microwave for a few seconds. Her hands cross over her tender breasts and she sighs. She leans back against the counter and her eyes slip closed again. When the microwave beeps she takes a shuttering breath and pulls out the bottle.

For a moment she resents the baby’s father. Resents that he is no doubt either just getting home from a night of fun or sound asleep in his bed with no thought given to her sleep deprivation. A lot of people criticized them for maintaining their space and not getting married. Most of those people don’t know the whole story. She pauses as she passes the solitary picture of the two of them in the house. She adjusts the crooked frame and stares at the faces. There isn’t happiness radiating like there should be, instead a quiet sense of obligation and fondness.

They only dated for six months and had been broken up for two when she finally took the pregnancy test. She thought about not even telling him. The reasons they broke up were not going to go away and frankly, she didn’t want them to. She had cared for him a lot, but never anything close to love. Funny that he would be the one that got her pregnant. So many other relationships and close calls that would have had a better chance of working out, but you don’t ever get to choose these kinds of things.

When she did get up the nerve, her belly had already started to bulge slightly. He had already moved on, had a new girl on his arm. She didn’t mind, in a way she was relieved, maybe they could skip all the useless steps and just be friendly for the baby. But he has disappointed her. Of course his southern upbringing wouldn’t allow him to just let her do this on her own and even worse he wanted t try again for the baby.

So for the last seven months that’s what they had been doing, trying. Trying to support each other, even though she didn’t understand his need for support. Trying to put on a happy face for the cameras and onlookers that had gathered as soon as the news leaked out. Trying to love each other, something that remained to be seen.

She smiles at the small flutter in her heart as she approaches her son’s room. As tired as she got, as much as she missed her night life, she still loved this little person with everything in her. She pushes open the door and the faint smell of baby powder and Johnson’s baby lotion rush over her. The tiny whimpers and rustling that were masked by the door invade her previous silence.

“Shhhh,” she whispers still not really knowing if it brings him any comfort. His tiny body is lifted almost effortlessly out of the bassinet as she backs into the rocking recliner in the corner. One thing that she would give his father credit for was the decoration of the nursery. She didn’t really care for the nursery characters, but for the chair alone she let it slide. Instead of the standard wooden frame, the plush chair actually made feeding something she occasionally looked forward to.

The baby continues to whimper and squirm in his mother’s arms. She presses the bottle to his lips, but his movement makes it impossible for him to latch on. This is why she no longer breast feeds. Eating is a long and difficult process for the colicky boy. What little she does manage to get him to take is usually spit back up on her in matter of minutes.

A shaky sigh breaks through her lips and she struggles to keep her composure. She’s never been good on little sleep and all she really wants right now is to return to her bed. He finally takes the bottle into his mouth and begins to suck vigorously. The small action is a victory and the rhythmic sound of her sucking begins to coax her eyes closed.

She fumbles the empty bottle as her eyes pop back open. They snap back closed almost instantly as the sunlight hits them. She doesn’t fight the urge, but presses the tiny sleeping form to her in assurance that he is still there and she some how managed not to drop him.

The door of the nursery bursts open and she pries her eyes open to see the father standing in the door red-faced, phone pressed to his ear.

“I found them mom. They were in the nursery. Yeah, I will. Love you,” he rambles into the tiny device.

“Jesus Christ Kate! Do you have any idea how worried I was?” he demands. She looks at him blankly, not really wanting to answer. Not worried enough to be here last night, she thinks.

“Calm down Justin,” Kate counters her voice lowered. She rises slowly from the chair and sets the baby down gently in his bassinet before turning to face Justin again. If the baby weren’t asleep she would raise her voice to match his, but his sleep is too rare to spoil.

“Calm down? I called like fifteen fucking times. I thought something happened to you two,” he continues, his voice lowering. He moves to stand in at the foot of the sleeping baby reaching down to stroke the top of his fisted hand. The baby stirs a little and Kate almost groans.

“It has been a really long night Justin. Too long to stand here and try to apologize for taking good care of our son,” Kate states as she leaves the room. She hears him grumble something under his breath, but doesn’t care to know what it was. She makes the short walk to her master quickly and frowns when she catches her appearance in a passing mirror. The bags under her eyes and wrinkle down the middle of her forehead are new. Courtesy of Jonah, and his father.

“I thought we agreed that me living here wasn’t the best thing Kate,” he says as he enters the room. Kate turns and leans up against the bed as she rolls her neck. Justin grimaces when the pops echo through the room. He hates when she does that.

“Yeah, well it’s easy for you to say that. You’re not the one up every night all night with him. You go home and get a good fucking nights sleep,” she seethes. Instantly she regrets the words. Not because they are harsh, but because she hates swearing. Justin throws his hands up in the air before falling back in a chair in the corner.

“So what? Now you want me to move in? Make up your fucking mind,” he replies. Kate’s eyes flutter as she rolls them. She doesn’t want him to live here because for them, she wants some help.

“Either you move in or I’m hiring help,” she states. Justin grits his teeth and shakes his head furiously. She touched a nerve and she knows it.

“You know how I feel about other people raising my child,” he responds in a low voice. She laughs bitterly. Whenever she’s wrong or he wants something Jonah is ‘his’ child. When there’s a problem he becomes ‘theirs’.

“Well then I guess you’re moving in. You can have the room downstairs,” Kate answers dryly. She moves into the bathroom wanting nothing more than a shower. If there is any mercy in the world Jonah will stay asleep long enough for her to condition her hair.

She pulls her tank top over her head and tosses it on the floor before reaching in to turn on the water in the shower. Justin enters the bathroom and crosses his arms over his chest defiantly. She turns and looks at him unamused. Any sense of modesty she had before giving birth is gone. After having a room full of people stare at your vagina for hours, you just don’t really care who sees you naked.

“You really want to do this? Deal with the media frenzy that’s going to come with me moving in?” he tests. She knows that he’s trying to get her to back down, but the reasons why he needs to be there are too fresh in her mind for this trick to work.

“You’re not moving in. You’re going to stay here at least four nights a week. You’ll still have your house and as far as anyone needs to know you live there,” she replies. His mouth drops open, but he doesn’t say anything. Without a response she steps into the shower. The warm water hits her body and a small smile graces her face.

“Forget the bedroom downstairs. If I’m here to help with Jonah I’ll just put a bed in there with him,” he calls over the shower. She doesn’t answer. He can do whatever the hell he wants as long as it means that she will be getting a break and maybe even a night out.

“I’m going to grab Jonah and take off. My mom wants me to bring him by,” he calls again. She waves her hand outside the curtain giving him the ok. Now she knows why he was so frantic this morning. His mother wanted to see the baby. Not to say that Justin isn’t a good father. She would use the word novel to describe the relationship right now. But how could he feel any more when he did no more than most guests. Which was to stop be occasionally to hold and coo at the baby and immediately hand him over as soon as he gets fussy? But that was all going to change. She smiles at the thought of him awake at 4 am changing a diaper or trying to be coherent after two hours of sleep.

She can’t help but hope that maybe him being more involved with the baby will help with their trying as well. Having him around more wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they could put a little truth to the tabloid stories that they were a happy young family. In the most unconventional modern way.

The water begins to get cold and she reluctantly steps from the spray. She hesitates before wrapping a towel around her body looking at her changed body in the mirror. Tomorrow, she decides, she will begin the process of regaining her body and her life. The quiet in the house energizes her and she slips on some clothes before grabbing her keys. A day without Jonah will not be wasted.

Justin pulls his eyes from the TV as Kate rushes through the room. Two weeks into their ‘deal’ and he had yet to understand why she had made such a big deal about him staying over. Things had slipped pretty smoothly into a schedule. Kate took care of Jonah before two and Justin had him until 9. His sleep patterns weren’t what they used to be, but he was managing. The fact that he had little or nothing on his schedule for the next month definitely helps that situation. But tonight he is looking forward to his first night out since he started sleeping over.

He jumps a little as Kate sets Jonah’s seat with him in it on the couch next to Justin. She provides no explanation, but goes back to her franticness. Justin reaches around the seat to pulls his son from its confines.

“Hey bubba,” he sighs settling Jonah against his chest. Something about his constantly warm body and even breathing always calms Justin down. He flips the channels a couple of times trying to find something interesting that wouldn’t have sudden loud noises. Not finding anything that appeals to him, Justin turns the volume low on s news show and buries his nose in the small amount of hair his son had.

Those words still scared Justin a little. It was real enough when Kate told him she was pregnant and then as he watched her belly slowly grow and he couldn’t deny it when she gave birth, but still. It seems to him that this moment appeared out of thin air and although he was enamored with is son, there were times when he couldn’t convince himself that this was his life. That at 26 he was a father. Had a son with a woman he didn’t love.

Unlike little girls little boys never dream of their future weddings or families, but Justin still had ideas about what it would be like when he did finally have children. But being unmarried and Kate Nickels were never part of those ideas. He had always thought he would grow tired of bachelorhood in his thirties and then find a girl untainted by fame and disappear into family life.

So much for that, he thinks. Jonah emits a tiny yawn and Justin can’t keep the smile off his face. Unideal as it may be, he’s here now and Justin is determined not to fuck this up.

“So the girls are taking me to 7even. I would think we should be home before3, but if not you can cover me right?” Kate announces as she finally slows down enough to speak. Justin struggles to turn his head and keep his firm hold on Jonah. Why he hadn’t noticed how dressed up she was earlier he didn’t know. But her dark jeans and tiny tp definitely aren’t for staying in with Jonah.

“You’re going out?” he verifies. Kate rolls her eyes and gestures to her appearance.

“I’m going out with Trace and Mic tonight,” he states. Kate’s face falls and Justin almost feels guilty. He deserves a night out. He’s been the devoted father/ companion for two weeks. What more can she ask of him?

“You have got to be kidding me Justin! I told you about this two days ago!” she replies. Justin mind tried to locate the conversation, but his lack of sleep and the mundane nature of his life of late make that virtually impossible.

“Sorry if I don’t fucking log everything you say,” he grunts.

“Can’t you just call Trace and cancel?” Kate pleads. Justin closes his eyes and lets out an exaggerated sigh. He slips Jonah back into his seat and stands to face her. He’s harder to battle face on and he knows that.

”Can’t you just call the girls and cancel?” he counters. Jonah lets out a wail in response. Kate flexes her jaw and Justin lifts an eye brow in defiance. Why should her plans be any more important than his?

“Jesus Justin. I haven’t been out since before Jonah was born. Can’t you just go out tomorrow?” she asks softly. He can feel his defenses weakening, but he’s canceled on his friends too many times already. Kate assured him the beginning that having a baby wouldn’t really change their lives, it would be like have the ultimate accessory. Now he cruses himself for actually believing her.

“I’ve already done my required four nights this week Kate. Why didn’t you go out then?” he presses. Her shoulders begin to slump and he knows her wearing her down. Sadly, something he knows how to do so well.

“It’s just one night,” she tries one last time. Justin crosses his arms over his chest. They both stare at each other defiantly waiting for the other to back down. Justin looks over her and for the first time sees more than the pristine clothes. The bags under her eyes and the droop to her mouth stand out and he sighs.

“I’ll just stay,’ she relents. Her small clothe is dropped to the floor unceremoniously and she begins to tug at her jacket. A part of Justin wants to let her stay home, he needs a beer or two and some real conversation. Something other than the contents of Jonah’s last diaper and how many pounds Kate had to lose til she is at her goal weight once again.

Before she can get her arms fully out of her jacket, Justin slumps back into the couch and pulls Jonah back to him. He can’t look at her when he gives in.

“Go on then,” he commands. He hears her movement stop and wait for her to argue. Instead the sound of her hurriedly gathering her things and scurrying out the door is the only response he gets.

When the door slam behind her Jonah jumps against him and begins to build up to his signature wail. Justin jumps from the couch and begins the sequence of movements his mother recently taught him. Starting with a slow rock to the gentle bounce and finally a swinging motion. The noise only gets louder and Justin rushes to the kitchen looking for the only thing he can think of, a bottle.

Justin balances the bottle in one hand and Jonah in the other and thinks of the irony that as an adult he still finds comfort in a bottle from time to time. Jonah cries become broken with is inability catch his breath and Justin can feel his own face start to heat up. He begins the motion cycle again and tried to keep his breathing even. He never thought that another person would have such an effect on him.

When the bottle is finally suitably heated Justin moves back to the living room and attempt to work feeding into the motion cycle. He feels takes a deep breath as Jonah finally accepts the bottle and he can finally hear his own thoughts once more.

He turns on a movie and immediately mutes the volume and cues up the subtitles. If anything he’s read a lot more since Jonah’s been around. He wonders how much longer he and Kate are going to be able to exist at this breaking point. There will never be a moment when he’ll deny that he wasn’t relieved that Kate didn’t want him to do the respectable thing. They would have never survived a marriage and to try would have been a mistake.

Even though they had made that one good decision, something had to change. This wasn’t working. He didn’t like feeling like a stranger in the home where his son lived, but he sure as hell didn’t want to move in with Kate or have her move in with him.

Jonah relaxes and his eyes begin to droop. Justin forgets about the movie for a moment and just stares at his baby. He came at the worst time and maybe not through the best of female choices for Justin, but it didn’t change the fact that they were tied together for life. This thought gave Justin a feeling of importance he could have never comprehended before.

Before Justin can completely revel in the fantastic emotion swelling over him, Jonah wakes again and demonstrates his ability to use his healthy lungs.

“Just when I’m thinking this was easy,” Justin breathes. He props Jonah up against his shoulder and begins to run circles over his tiny back. The noise setlles long enough for him to realize that whatever Jonah had just eaten is now down his back. He closes his eyes slowly and groans deep in his throat. He has to remember to stop wearing clothes he likes around his son. He pulls the now content baby away from his body and places him back into his seat.

“When did puking stop being part of life and start being a fucking nightmare?” he asks the baby. Jonah shakes at a fist at his father. Justin smiles before peeling off his shirt and tossing it in the general direction of the laundry room. He returns to the couch, not taking the time to find a new shirt. It’s not like Jonah cares.

Feeling energized by his son’s retching, he heads towards the kitchen to gather the supplies for the night. Grabbing a couple of bottles, a beer and some towels, he lets his head roll to one side and revels in a moment of quiet. It doesn’t last long before he straightens his shoulders and heads back into the living room.

The night progress in a general blur of formula, muted episodes of 24 and diapers. When Justin finally lays back on the couch at 2:15 he swears it’s just to close his eyes for a moment. Just a small break while Jonah’s asleep. When he opens his eyes again, he feels too energized. He sits up and reaches for the seat. Seeing it empty, panic grips his heart. He did not lose his son.

“Look who’s finally awake,” Kate’s voice muses from the doorway. Justin whips around to face her. She’s dressed for the day and has her hands on her hips.

“What time is it?” Justin demands. Kate rolls her eyes and motions towards the oversized clock on the wall opposite Justin. He glances over and represses a groan when he notices both hands at 12.

“Where the hell is Jonah?” he asks. Kate walks towards the kitchen and Justin reluctantly follows. One of her trademarks is wordlessly leading him from room to room. Leaves him with the feeling that he is constantly following her. Not a feeling he likes.

“I got in around 3 to find you passes out on the couch, your empty beers at you feet and our son awake and hungry,” she says. His eyes narrow when he catches on to the scolding tone in her voice.

“Your not my mother Kate. Stop treating me like a damn child. So I had a couple beers. I would have woken up when he cried,” he defends. She sighs and pushes a sup of coffee towards him. He pushes it back.

“I’m not hung over,” he repeats. She turns and pours the coffee down the drain.

“So you think. But who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t gotten home,” she muses. The smile on her face isn’t the right match for the words coming out of her mouth.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gone out in the first place,” Justin fires back. She remains calm and Justin wants to know why.

“I called my father this morning,” she beings. Justin throws his hands in the air. And here it goes.

“Why the hell would you call that self righteous ass?” he asks. Kate looks offended, but Justin knows she thinks the same of the man. The man who told her when she wanted to be an actress that she was no better than a whore. A real nice guy.

“I thought he might be able to help us,” she answers. Justin’s eyes grow wide in amazement. Not only did she call the bastard, she asked him for help?

“What could he possibly do for us? Other than tell me again what a failure I am for not making an honest woman of you while you sit to the side and hold back the information that you are the one that refused to get married?” Justin rambles. Kate walk from the kitchen towards the rustlings in Jonah’s room. Justin once again is left with not option, but to follow. She pauses at the door and Justin eases by her to pick up their son first. He gently lifts him from his bassinet and lays him on the changing table. He needs something to pour a little of the energy this anger has given him into.

“My father has a contact in the child development department at UCLA,” Kate informs him. Justin leans down to blow a raspberry on Jonah’s bare stomach as she pauses.

“There’s a graduate student there doing her thesis on early cognitive development and how its linked to the parents profession,” Kate explains. Justin lifts Jonah from the changing table and cradle him in the crook of his arm, like a tiny football of a person.

“I’m really not seeing how this has anything to do with us,” he replies. Kate holds up a finger signaling that she’s getting there.

“She’s willing to nanny for us part time if we let her use the experience for her thesis,” she finishes. Justin’s mouth purses together almost painfully as the truth slowly leeks out. He shakes his head slowly and pushes past Kate and begins his journey back to the living room.

“I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you Kate. I do not want to hire a fucking nanny. If you don’t think you can handle Jonah full time than my mom is more than happy to help out,” he states. He places Jonah is his seat and buckles him in, tugging at the straps to make sure they’re secure.

“Your mom lives in Tennessee half the time Justin. What the hell are we supposed to do when she’s not here?” she demands. Justin stands up with the seat linked on his bent arm.

“She said she would be more than happy to live here full time until we have a better handle on Jonah,’ he informs her. Kate grits her teeth.

“I don’t want to rely on your mother like that Justin. I’ll feel guilty every time I drop him off, like I’m passing my kid off,” she argues. Justin’s eyes widen. He wishes she would just see that his mom Is trying to help, more than he can say about her parents. Who haven’t even seen the kid yet.

“How is handing him to a stranger any better?” he demands. Kate takes a deep breath.

“I actually know the girl. We went to prep school together when we were younger. And besides, its not like I would just hand him off, she would just be here so I, you could get things done during the day and then a couple nights a week so we wouldn’t have to relive last night again,” she says. Justin feels his teeth grit. He doesn’t even need to hear what she’s going to say next.

“You already hired the girl,” he states. Kate raise her eye brows defiantly. He feels his free hand form a fist involuntarily.

“Then you sure as hell don’t need me here four nights a week,” He states. He begins to head for the door and turns around one last time before leaving.

“I’m going to be taking Jonah a couple days a week now and I don’t want anything to do with your fucking nanny,” he seethes. He opens the front door and takes a couple of deep breaths of the outside air. Jonah begins to grunt in his seat and Justin heads towards his car. He hates that Kate feels he can do that kind of shit without talking to him. One of the downsides to not making an honest woman of her.

A small sigh escapes her lips as her sunglasses slide down the brim of her small nose once again. Pouting her lips exaggeratedly she moves her nose in a motion that to most would seem unattractive and useless, but as someone who has worn glasses most of her life she smiles as it brings the object back to rest in its rightful place. Once the ordeal is over she lets out a contended sigh and rolls her cracked window down even further. She’ll never understand why people use air conditioning when the real deal is so much more refreshing.

The highway twists and bends and she’s grateful for once to be traveling at an odd hour so that the car maintains steady movement rather than rests impatiently in traffic. As her destination comes closer she reaches over to her oversized bag in the passenger seat and moves her hand through it without diverting her eyes. A satisfied grin settles over her features when she pulls a tattered notebook page from the bag. The paper is settled against the steering wheel and she offers it fleeting quick glances as she continues to drive.

“Exit 234, exit 234,” she chants to herself under her breath hoping the repetition will force her to not miss the exit. Yet another smile as the chosen numbers appear in the right order and she eases her car over. The direction become more complex and as she passes a small local fruit stand she’s tempted to pull over and screw it all. But curiosity is her enemy at the moment. It’s the reason she didn’t immediately get up and leave when Professor Bearden first said the name Kate Nickels, it’s the reason she agreed to meet with her and it’s the reason she reluctantly passes the fruit stand.

She doesn’t believe in grudges or regrets, but high school is hell for most people who are to succeed later in life and for Mae Roberts it proved no exception. Not that she was a recluse or a invalid, but she never felt the need to probe into the inner workings of those who were considered ‘popular’ and they for the most part left her alone. But there’s always that one person who sticks with you long after you throw your tasseled cap into the air and for Mae it was Kate.

She was iconic even then. Mae was intrigued by her ability to command attention, something she had never been able to do. They were causal acquaintances, sharing a few elective classes and even fewer common friends. But, the small connection had kept Mae current on her fledgling career and most recently the birth or her baby, the supposed heir to the pop throne. The world was abuzz with talk of the baby and almost daily another magazine claimed to have the first photos. Mae didn’t know much about al the fuss, but her roommate Beth was more than happy to keep her current. And for that reason Beth didn’t know where Mae was today.

Slowly the endless cement gives way to tree shaded streets and homes. Mae crouches in the seat to get a good look at the rare thing that tall trees were in LA. She slows the car as the numbers approach the ones written on her paper. A few children run around in a yard and Mae can’t help but smile. There’s always been something overly appealing about children to her. The simpleness of their thought process and the undiscriminating way their handed out their love.

It was an easy choice when entering college to major in child psychology. She had babysat for extra money as long as she could remember, Insistent on pitching in to the exuberant tuition her parents struggled to pay to keep her in private school. After her bachelors she had taken a year off to be an au pair in Europe and then straight to her masters program to study child cognitive theory. And now, now she was wondering why she had agreed to this meeting.

Despite the bills piling up on her rickety kitchen table there weren’t a lot of good reasons for her being there. If she was to get her masters in a year like she planned she didn’t have time to be a nanny, but she was feeling like a cat about to be killed.

She turns slightly toward the uphill driveway and shakes her head at the few strangling photographers gathered at the base of the gate. They snap a few useless pictures of her as she reaches out and buzzes the gate.

“Yes?” She’s surprised that she still recognizes Kate’s voice.

“Um, I’m Mae Roberts, I’m here for…” Before she can finish the sentence the gate begins to slowly swing open. She worried for a moment that the small crowd is going to follow her, but apparently they know better. The car makes the trip too quickly for her liking and it seems that she is instantly parked and waiting to go inside.

She licks at her lips and places her sunglasses in the seat next to her. Taking a cleansing breath she thinks she learned from a yoga class in one of her more healthy phases she pushes her door open and forces herself to the entrance of the house. Her mouth falls into a natural smile as she talks herself out of any kind of panic. The doorbell echoes through the house and radiates to where she waits. She tugs a little at her grey tank top and wonders if she shouldn’t have dressed up.

The door swings open and Mae forces herself to hold the smile. When Kate’s face finally appears, Mae can’t help but notice that she looks much older than their 25 years. A small smirk like smile eases over her features as she takes Mae in.

“Thanks so much for coming,” Kate says formally. Mae nods and waits for Kate to motion her in. As Mae enters the house she takes a silent inventory, noticing mainly the pictures and personal items. She smiles when she sees a grouping of empty baby bottles on the coffee table.

Kate gestures for her to take a seat and Mae tries to think of something anything to say that will ease the obvious tension between the two. She twists her earring in her ear as nothing comes to mind. The urge to break out in song is suppressed for the moment, but a small grin covers her face at the thought.

“So I’m not really sure what is supposed to go on here,” Kate admits. Mae watches she rings her hands and looks nervously at a baby monitor on a side table. All at once previous notions and memories of Kate seem to flee from Mae’s mind and all she wants to do is help. She reaches inside of her bag and pulls out a make shift résumé she printed five minutes before rushing out her door.

“I brought a list of references and a brief job history, it’s kind of customary,” Mae offers. Kate takes the papers and glances over them not really knowing what to look for.

“Honestly, I was just hoping you would come over and just agree to do this,” Kate admits glancing up from the papers. Mae does her best to hide the shock. Part of the reason she had convinced herself to do this was because she was sure that she was just one of many options Kate had, one of many faces and resumes she would see.

“How many others have to interviewed?” Mae asks. Kate smiles tensely and chuckles almost regretfully.

“Would it be awful if I said you’re the only one?” she questions.

“I just assumed with your…situation and all that you’d be interviewing a lot of people,” Mae states. Kate releases a slow sigh and picks at the loose threads in her couch. Mae tries to keep her distress to herself. This was supposed to be a curiosity fix, nothing more. But just the look on Kate’s face the slump in her shoulders makes Mae feel like its going to end up being so much more.

“I know I should be trying to maintain a professional face in front of you, but I’m kind of past that at this point. I need help. I don’t know how else to say it and the idea of sitting through hundreds of interviews somehow more awkward than this one makes m e feel like throwing up. For some reason, I feel like I know you. I mean I know we knew each other in school, but more than that I’m hoping that I can trust you. And I like that you probably see me as the girl you went to school with rather than well whatever the hell is it I am,” Kate sighs. A slight chuckle escapes Mae and Kate looks at her expectantly. Mae nods her head slightly and is grateful when a wail from the monitor prevents her from answering right away.

“I guess this as a good a time as any for you to meet Jonah,” Kate relents as she stands. She doesn’t ask Mae to follow or even motion the likes, but Mae follows anyway feeling pulled along by Kate’s movements. As they wind around and up a set of stairs Mae tries to think of the best way to tell Kate no. Her mind starts mentally gathering list of other people she could recommend.

Kate pushes open a cracked door and wordlessly approaches a small crib lifting the baby from his bed. The wailing dies down, but he continues to express his discomfort through grunts and tiny cries. Mae freezes in the doorway reluctant to move any closer.

“He’s not very patient with me,” Kate muses as she moves towards Mae. When they are close enough Mae peers over the blanket to get a better look at the baby. She’s shocked when his bright blue eyes seize her own. And in that moment she knows she’s hooked.

“How old is he?” Mae asks quietly.

“Three months last week,” Kate answers. Mae nods while trying in vain to tear her eyes from him. This is why she shouldn’t have come. There is no arguing that kids are her weakness, along with a catchy love song. Before Mae can protest Kate has passed the bundle into her arms and she’s left fighting a losing battle.

“He’s really beautiful Kate,” Mae whispers. She can’t help the sappy tone or the lump in her throat. Babies just do that to her.

“When’s he’s quiet he is. Just wait until he starts screaming. Then you’ll know who his father is,” Kate muses bitterly. Mae notices the tone but decides against pushing it any further.

“It’s not as easy as they make it look on TV?” Mae asks with a smile. Kate shakes her head and falls back into the plush rocking chair. Mae knows that watching children is a far cry from being a parent, but she still feels for Kate. The emotion causes her to open her mouth and say something she desperately didn’t want to.

“How often would you need me?” Kate’s eyes light up and Mae inwardly sighs thinking about her thesis mostly unfinished and her TA job she will have to abandon.

“Just a couple of days a week and a few nights. Really just enough so I can try to get a little piece of my life back,” Kate answers. Jonah begins to work up to a wail, but Mae repositions him against her chest and draws circles on his back. Kate’s mouth drops as he quiet back down.

“And you would want me to stay here those nights?” Mae clarifies. Kate nods and swallows.

“There’s a room downstairs with its own bathroom you can stay in.” Mae takes a deep breath and allows a smile form on her lips.

“Are you sure you don’t want to interview other people?” Mae checks. Kate shakes her head.

“God please no. I do not want a parade of stranger in and out of my house ogling my son,” Kate breathes.

“I mean I can’t promise any thing long term, but I think I could make it work for now,” Mae states. Kate smiles and then leans forward burying her face in her hands. Mae worries for a moment that she might be crying. When she straightens she smiles again at Mae.

“Thank God,” she states. Mae smiles in return and follows after Kate as she begins to show her around the house. When she pushes open the door to the room where Mae will sleep, Mae can’t help but notice the male scent lingering in the room. And as they walk down a hallway a solitary picture of Kate and the father stands out. Mae had forgotten about him. She wonders for a moment why he wasn’t there. The thought is pushed from her mind quickly as Kate continues the tour and begins talk of her starting next week.

A lump forms in Mae’s throat that she quickly swallows. For some reason se feels like she just signed her life away.

Justin winces as the sun blares into his eyes. Last night wasn’t exactly responsible and now he is paying for it. It doesn’t help that Trace is sitting next to him all chipper and shit whistling to the radio. This goes on for a few more seconds before Justin could swear that ever off key note coming from Trace’s protruding lips is being burned into his brain. He reaches over and switches the radio off, his brain relaxing in the silence.

“What the fuck man? That was my jam!’ Trace protests. Justin doesn’t bother answering instead focuses on moving as little as possible hoping to not further agitate his headache. He hasn’t seen Jonah since he dropped him off four days ago and he’s baffled by the fact that it has been weighing on him since he pulled out of the drive. It wasn’t even really about Jonah really. If it was up to him his son would be toted everywhere he was, always within reach. This was about sending a message to Kate. About how he feels about her ‘nanny’.

Luckily for him, or maybe her. Justin hasn’t seen the nanny to this point. He’s managed to avoid all contact by demanding that Kate be ready with Jonah when he arrives and take him when he drops off. The system hasn’t failed him yet. But in a way he can’t help but think that it’s failed his son. Already Justin finds himself doing things he promised himself he never would. There’s a tiny nagging in the back of the brain that picks at him at all times. Convinces him that every moment he’s not with Jonah he’s missing something that an important milestone is passing without him there.

The radio blares back to life and although its not the same song, that doesn’t stop Trace from attempted to keep the tune. Justin reaches out to remedy the situation, only to have his hand slapped.

“Seriously Trace? You know I’ve got the headache of the fucking century and you can’t just let it be?” he asks. The whistling dies down and Trace pushes his glasses up on his head. The red eyes would make you think that he was suffering from the same ailment as Justin, but for some unknown reason Trace is immune to the hangover.

“Now you want to talk? Fifteen minutes of pity silence and now you have something to say?” Trace gaffs. Justin rolls his eyes even though Trace can’t get the full benefit from behind his glasses. The man is too damn cheery for his own good sometimes. Justin decides at that moment to cross three lanes of traffic simultaneously and offers a preferred finger to the horns that blare their protest.

“If you didn’t notice I was hoping for a little hangover mercy, but apparently you’re in a nut busting mood so who I am I to argue,” Justin mumbles. Trace chuckles at the comment and that little noise echoes inside Justin’s head. He takes a sharp turn and the bag of toys in the backseat slide to the side activating one of the more obnoxious musical ones. Jonah wasn’t even six months and already Justin was resorting to trying to buy his forgiveness. Not that a baby could forgive or even hold a grudge for that matter, but it makes Justin feel better and at that moment it works.

“Does Kate know we’re coming over?’ Trace questions. Justin sucks on the inside of his cheek.

“I don’t have to clear it with anyone before seeing my son,” he replies curtly. Trace holds up his hands in surrender.

“Hey I was just trying to make conversation. Damn. Sore spot?” he retorts. Justin could say a lot about the subject, but it would really be guilt talking and he doesn’t really want to give it a voice at the moment. Especially not to Trace, who happens to have on of the biggest mouths known to man. The truth is that Justin still isn’t sure of his boundaries when it comes to Jonah. He wants to be able to come and go at his leisure, take his son when it’s good for him, but he knows that there is no way in hell that Kate would be that flexible with him. More now than ever that she has her ‘help’. Sometimes he feels like he needs to make an appointment to see his own son.

“Sorry man. It’s just things are a little tense with Kate right now so as much as I want to see the midget, I’m not really looking forward to dealing with the mother,” Justin admits. Trace’s head bobs as if he has any clue of what Justin is going through. Justin knows it’s more to avoid further detail than anything.

“Things with Kate not getting any better?” he asks. Justin’s a little shocked by the question. Trace doesn’t usually like to get into the nitty gritty unless it involves vivid detail of a sexual encounter or nudity of some kind.

“Understatement of the year. I can’t do anything right by her. I’m there too often or too little. I don’t call enough or I’m fucking stalking her. I have no clue what she wants from me,” Justin rambles. Another neutral nod from Trace. The silence that takes over makes it clear that Trace’s momentary interest has now waned. After the small amount of compassion from Trace Justin feels a surge of thanks and turn the volume on the radio back up. A smile covers trace’s face as he resumes reminding Justin of why he makes the money in music and not Trace.

“How is the little rug rat anyways?” Trace asks a commercial comes on. Justin takes his eyes off the road long enough to glare at Trace through is dark lenses.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call my kid anything involving a rodent?” Justin demands. Trace chuckles slightly and then yelp when Justin’s fist connects quickly with his arm. He rubs the sore spot out of embarrassment more than pain.

“Damn. Sorry. I will no longer call Jonah anything resembling a mouse,” Trace states. For the first time that morning a smile crosses Justin’s face. He’s glad for the lifting mood. He doesn’t want to go into the house with a dark cloud hanging over his head, it’ll just set Kate off even more.

“He’s so fucking big Trace. I mean, shit, every time I see him he’s learned something new. Like the other day I swear to God he smiled at me and when I told Kate she just brushed it off saying that he’s done it before,” Justin says. Trace skips the nod and emits a sigh. Justin knows its hard for him to relate to his best friend now. For the first time he’s taken a step that Trace couldn’t really take with him. The odd part is that Justin always thought that Trace would take this step first. He was ready for marriage first, even took a knee.

“I haven’t seen him since his best trick was pulling an exorcist,” Trace muses. Justin chuckles at Trace’s reference to Jonah’s colic. He stopped counting the ruined shirts at around 20. Now he only wears the Fruit of the Loom t shirts around him. Which are surprisingly comfortable.

“He’s still doing that,” Justin replies. Trace takes a quick look down at his shirt and utters a soft ‘damn’. Justin feels his stomach knot a little as they pull up to Kate’s. He punches in the code and thanks God for his tinted windows as the vultures swarm his windows. They know his car by now. Trace chuckles and takes pleasure in giving them the double bird. Strangely Justin takes a little joy out it too, even though he resigned to keep his fingers wrapped around the steering wheel. He pulls into the drive and shuts the car off staring at the door.

“So are we going to go in or just sit here like fucking lawn gnomes?” Trace asks. Trace’s pushes his door open and makes his way to the door. Justin fumbles with the handle and hurries to catch up. By the time he makes it to the door Trace has already buzzed the doorbell.

“You’re acting like you haven’t been here a hundred times before. What the hell is wrong with you?” Trace demands. Justin shuffles his feet a little. He hasn’t told any one in his circle about the nanny yet. For some reason he views it as failure on his part, a demonstration of not being able to take care of his son. He can hear the footsteps nearing and he begins to prepare himself for the barb that Kate no doubt has prepared for him.

“Who the hell are you?” Trace’s words filter through his brain before he actually notices that someone other than Kate is standing at the door. Someone who is strangely unphased by Trace’s question. Her blonde hair is pulled messily from her face and a easy grin covers her face. She reaches down and wipes her hands on her ratty jeans before offering it to them.

“I’m Mae,” she states.

“Trace.” Trace takes the hand and looks to Justin for explanation. When she turns to Justin he looks at her hand for a moment before simply pushing by her and into the house.

“Nice to meet you too,” she mutters. Justin thinks about turning around and putting her in her place, but he’s got other things on his mind. He leaves Trace in the entry with the new girl and bounds up the stairs. He bursts through Kate’s door without knocking and is rendered speechless when he finds her sitting on her bed, shirt open feeding Jonah and watching Oprah.

“Jesus Justin. Knock much?” she asks as she lays Jonah down on the bed in front of her and fumbles frantically with the buttons on her blouse. When she finishes she glares at him once more for good measure. Justin ignores her burning eyes and crosses the room to pick up his son. It may be all in his mind, but he swears the baby is a little heavier than the last time he picked him up. His blood lowers from a boil to a simmer as he pulls Jonah to his chest.

“Hey bubba. Daddy’s here,” He whispers. The baby squirms a little in his sleep, but doesn’t wake up. He can hear Kate move from the bed to the bathroom, but is content in the moment to sink in a chair and just hold his son.

“You going to tell me why you came busting in here like a cop on a drug raid?” Kate demands when she reenters the room. Justin glances up at her and notices that she looks a little better than the last time he saw her. A little less haggard. Not that he is enough of a dumb ass to say that out loud.

“Who the hell answered your door?” Justin fires back. Jonah whimpers a little at the noise and Justin makes a mental note to lower his voice. He can send the same message with his eyes.

“That would be Mae,” she answers. Of course she doesn’t do Justin the favor of staying in one place while he talks to her. She moves around the room picking up discarded clothing and placing it on other less appropriate places.

“Yeah, caught that part already. I want to hear you say it Kate,” Justin presses. Kate blows some loose hair out of her eyes and scans the room for anything that else that could put of the conversation.

“Mae is Jonah’s nanny Justin. Is that what you wanted to hear? She’s the person who now spends more time with your son than you do,” Kate states. Justin grits his teeth and hopes that the small effort will block his tongue from lashing out like he wants it to.

“You had to get that in there didn’t you? Just couldn’t let it go with out rubbing it in?” he sighs. Kate finally meets his gaze and instead of seeing defiance in her eyes he sees defeat.

“Why are you doing this Katie? Why are you trying so damn hard to push me away?” he asks. Her shoulders shudder and he knows she’s fighting emotion. He stand and moves towards her wrapping his free arm around her the other arm still securing Jonah to his body. For a brief moment they are the picture of the family they both want to be, but know they can’t.

“This is so much harder than I thought it would be,” Kate admits. Justin just nods and pulls her a little closer.

“It’s a baby no one really knows how hard it is until it happens,” Justin replies. Kate huffs and wiggles out of his grasp. And just like that the moment is over.

“No one knows more than me how hard a baby is Justin,” she says. He moves away and glances around the room for Jonah’s things.

“Trace is downstairs. He wanted to see you. And I’m taking Jonah for the night,” Justin informs her not giving her time to argue. He leaves the room and moves into Jonah’s rooming gathering what he will need. As he heads down the stairs he’s surprised to hear a high feminine laugh coming from the living room. When he enters the room all voices stop and a pair of wide green eyes meet his. She’s smiles hesitantly, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

“If you wanna see Kate you’re going to have to go upstairs, but be quick about it. I want to get the hell out of here,” Justin states. Trace sighs heavily and pushes himself up from the couch.

“Do you want some help?” Justin turns his head quickly to look at the girl who has now moved in front of him and is gripping Jonah’s car seat. He’s tempted to tell her no, but she slides the diaper bag from his shoulder and makes her way out the front door without waiting for an answer. Justin follows slowly, taking the time to place his sunglasses over his eyes before reentering the sunlight.

Mae waits in the sun a small smile on her face. He hits the unlock button and she takes it upon herself to open the back door and push the bag of toys aside.

“You should look into the Baby Einstein stuff for Jonah. It’s a fantastic introduction to music,” she offers. Justin simply looks at her as she smiles back at him. She moves aside so he can place Jonah in the seat.

The door slams and Trace jogs towards them.

“You couldn’t wait for me?” he asks. Justin shrugs his response.

“We’ll have to start that up again the next time I see you,” Trace suggests. Justin glances up to see Mae nodding.

“If you are sure you want to. You weren’t exactly holding your own earlier,” she says. Trace laughs and Justin pulls back the sound. He shuts the door next to Jonah harder than necessary and Mae jumps. She coughs slightly and backs away from the car.

“It was nice meeting you,” she offers. Trace smiles and repeats the formality, but Justin simply slides into the car. He wait until Trace shuts his door before pulling into reverse.

“What the hell? Did you have to be a complete ass to the girl?” Trace demands. Justin grips and releases the steering wheel a few times. Trace doesn’t know the back story the history.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Justin replies. Jonah grunts from the back seat and Trace turns in his seat to get a better look.

“Whatever beef you have with Kate don’t take it out on Mae,” he says. Justin can hear him reaching into the toy back and ripping something from its packaging. Once satisfied with his efforts, Trace turns back around.

“Mae? What are you friends with her now?” Justin asks. Trace chuckles and turns the radio on low.

“Justin lay off the girl. She’s mellow J,” Trace informs him. Justin thinks about making this a bigger deal than it is, but decides to put it to rest. The last thing he needs is to get all wound up with Jonah in the car. He’s forcing himself to drive the speed limit as it is. Besides, she’s just the nanny.

She opens her eyes and when they don’t burn or ache to close again she panics. Sitting instantly upright in bed she takes in the room light by sunlight. Before her instincts can push her into a full state of emergency she smells coffee. Mae. After three weeks she’s still not fully used to the help, the rest. And every time this all sinks in she is once again bitter than she let Justin talk her out of it for as long as he did.

Falling back into bed she lets smile play out on her lips and even toys with the thought of going back to sleep simply because she can, but with all the benefits of having Mae, the downside is that she doesn’t spend as much time with Jonah. All the little things that used to be her responsibility have been easily added to Mae’s. She wonders if it’s odd to miss changing dirty diapers. And yet she doesn’t miss any of it enough to rush down the stairs.

She gives in to her urges and lets her eyes slip closed again. There’s a list of things she should be doing rather than sleeping. Running is at the top of the list. She keeps her eyes closed, but her hand runs down and over the still present bulge that is her stomach. The urge to groan is strong, but she bites her lip to prevent it. Her mother hasn’t been shy about telling her that after three months the weight is almost impossible to lose. Even leaving messages about the newest diets that might help her lagging efforts.

Reluctantly Kate pushes herself out of bed and towards her closet. Today is as good a day as any. She pulls her hear on top of her head and stops at the entrance of her closet trying to remember where her work our clothes ended up. It’s been almost a year since she felt any need to try. And then it had been more for Justin’s benefit than her own. Something about being in a relationship makes a person want to be the best version of themselves, even if it just means looking a little better than usual.

This time Justin is the last of her motivations to get back out on the road. In fact, since Mae has starting coming around Justin has been more of a transitionery figure if anything. Staying as little time as possible at the house and only really talking to Kate when it’s necessary so her can pick up or drop off Jonah. She feels guilty for not missing him or wanting him to be around. According to the world at large they are still basking in the glow of their new baby, happier than ever the latest headline read.

It amazes her that they can be outside her gate at almost every moment and yet not see what’s going on just beyond the decorative metal. But thing could be a lot worse. They could know the truth and she would have to spend most of her days fending off the rumors and interview requests. As it is she is disgusted to see the amount of money competing magazines are offering for pictures of Jonah.

It was never their intention to create the interest around him that has arisen. Neither her of Justin thought it was necessary to parade him around LA so they were cautious, like a lot of first parents, but this is what arose from their caution. A mini circus of speculation. And now that four months has past their only option seems to be to pick the lesser of all the evils.

She hums to her self as she heads down the stairs to the kitchen where she knows Mae and Jonah are. She smiles when her guess is right. For a moment she pauses at the doorway and watches as Mae attempt to feed Jonah rice cereal. Which judging by the mess on the front of Mae’s shirt, is not going too well. And yet there is still a smile on her face. Kate hasn’t quite figured out what she thinks about Mae as a person. As a nanny she couldn’t be happier. There doesn’t seem to be s ingle part of taking care of Jonah that Mae hasn’t mastered and loved. But the constant smile throws Kate off a little. Who is happy that often?

“Morning Mae. J-Bear,” Kate says as she makes her presence known. She leans down to press her lips to the top of the baby’s head, but he continues to pound his fists into the spilt cereal on the tray of his high chair.

“Morning,” Mae replies not taking her eyes off the baby. She lifts the spoon once more to his lips and chuckles disheartening when he spits the cereal right back out. Kate makes her way to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. She leans over the counter and takes a few long sips delaying the eminent run even longer.

“I wish eating was still this much fun,” Mae states as she takes the bowl from in front of Jonah and retreats to the sink. Kate pauses mid sip. Mae’s never really initiated simple conversation before.

“At some point it starts being more of a chore and then something to be almost dreaded,” Kate offers. Mae sighs and nods slightly, but Kate can tell she doesn’t completely agree and wishes that she had just agreed without elaborating. But there was no stopping it really. Kate’s desperate for a friend. Some one who isn’t just waiting for her baby to become old news so she can return to her old routine. And if that comes in the form of the nanny, she won’t complain.

“A lot of pressure huh?” Mae asks gently. An even more surprising response. Kate looks up and watches as Mae gently cleans up Jonah’s face and hands, but doesn’t take her eyes off of her. Her simple act of listening overwhelms Kate.

“I shouldn’t be complaining. I mean I have an amazing life,” Kate corrects herself. Mae nods as she pulls Jonah from his seat.

“Sometimes its not as ungrateful as it sounds, maybe it’s just more of getting something of your chest?” Mae urges. It’s Kate’s turn to nod. She smiles as Mae nuzzles her nose in Jonah’s neck causing him to emit what will eventually be called a giggle, but now it sounds more like a gurgle.

“It’s a lot different than everyone made it sound,” Kate says. Mae switches Jonah from her hip to her lap as she settles into a kitchen chair.

“Having a baby?” Mae guesses.

“The whole process. Being pregnant, giving birth and then brining him home. It’s all made out to be some easy, simple thing. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this like some women,” Kate sighs. Mae chuckles a little and Kate looks up almost hurt at the reaction.

“I don’t think anyone is really ready for a baby. Especially not their first,” Mae argues. Kate feels a tiny bit of hope pumped through her at the comment.

“Yeah?” Kate presses. Mae smiles and stands. Kate finds herself wishing at times that Mae where Jonah’s mother and she was just the help. That she could go back and do things differently in her life. Plan things so they fell into place neatly and smoothly. Not like her life now.

“For sure. I don’t think I’ve talked to a mother who didn’t think that at some point,” Mae assures her. Kate takes a deep breath and glances towards the door. Her eyes wander back towards Mae who is waiting for her to reply in some way.

“I think I’m going to go for a run. I’ll be back in an hour or so,” she states. A little confusion crosses Mae’s features before she nods.

“I’m just going to give Jonah a bath,” she replies. Kate doesn’t bother replying. Mae knows her son’s schedule and routine better than she does. Hell, she basically created it herself. The days she doesn’t come Kate finds her self struggling to keep up with the things that flow so effortlessly for Mae.

When she steps outside she holds a hand over her eyes shielding herself from the light. It takes a few minutes and too many deep breaths to count to get her moving. A commotion erupts at the gate and she exits and she ignores the demands to bring out Jonah. She doesn’t care that a few of them continue to follow her as she builds up speed.

The effort is strained at first, her breaths becoming ragged so much faster than it sued to, her muscles complained with every step, but the way the pain and determination clear her mind drives her forward.

More than anything this is what she needs. A break. A break from the prison of her own thoughts. The constant debate of whether or not she made the right choice having Jonah. Of whether or not she should have just let Justin marry her just so she could have that extra security and support. Or whether or not she’ll ever be able to regain some semblance of the life she had before this.

The breaking point comes and goes and she feels a cleansing feeling of accomplishment when the pain becomes monotone and she can just run. The scenery becomes a blur and she revels in the nothingness she feels. As her gate comes back into view she slows and rests her hands on here hips, her breath and thought finally catching up to her.

Again the lowlife’s around her gate calls out the same questions and she forces a smile as a few flashes go off in her face. The familiar car in the driveway causes her stomach to clench.

She pushes open the door and is immediately met with Mae’s thankful gaze. She transfers her eyes to where Justin is sitting across from Mae, his eyes boring holes into her head. Jonah leans against his father’s chest oblivious to the obvious tension in the room.

“Nice of you to show up,” Justin states as Kate enters the room fully. She rolls her eyes and reaches for Jonah. Justin turns his body resisting her efforts.

“I went out for a run Justin,” she answers simply unwilling to give up her high just yet.

“You left him alone with HER,” he grunts lowly. Mae chuckles from her seat before removing herself from the room. Kate doesn’t blame her for leaving, but she wishes she wouldn’t have left her alone.

“Get over it Justin. SHE is with him more than you are. If there was going to be concern thrown around for our son it would not be when he’s with Mae,” she states. His eyes narrow and it brings her a little joy to know her words hit their mark. It takes him a moment to gather his response and Kate takes advantage of his silence. She drops onto the couch next to him and reaches over to smooth over Jonah’s wild hair. It won’t ever lie down.

“Can we just not fight? Just this once?” she pleads. His eyes soften a little although his jaw remains clenched. His grip loosens and Kate pulls Jonah from his grasp. She closes her eyes and takes in the soft scent of baby lotion and glances up at Justin over his head.

“This is so goddamned hard,” he breathes. She nods and leans into him just a little.

“Not to sound like a bitch, but it’s even harder when you’re hear all the time,” Kate adds. Justin tenses at the comment and Kate wishes she had resisted saying it and let the small moment of peace last longer.

“I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing. I’m sorry that its not enough for you, but damnit Kate. I’m trying,” he states. A heavy sigh mingles with her nod as she hands Jonah back to his father.

“Try a little harder Justin,” she commands. The moment it already gone, no use in holding it back now. She half expects him to storm out with Jonah like he usually does, but instead he stays on the couch and reaches for the remote. Kate doesn’t wait to see what he chooses to watch. At least she knows he’s here and for Jonah’s sake it’s the best thing for him. She passes Jonah’s room and glances in to see Mae folding tiny shirts.

“You can probably head home for the day. Justin’s going to be here for awhile,” Kate suggests. She doesn’t know who long Justin plans on staying, but she’s not going to make Mae suffer under his glares. Mae nods and stands from her place on the floor.

“Tomorrow?” she verifies. Kate nods and makes her way to her room closing the door securely once inside. She wants to head back out the door and run, emptying her head once more of all this clutter, but she turns on the shower instead. She’ll have to wait til tomorrow for a little more peace.

Mae’s stretches her whole body down to her toes pointing them then relaxing on the blanket. The sunlight coming through the picture window on the back of the house lets enough sun in to be almost as good as being outside, almost. Jonah kicks his feet and tries to decide how he feels about being flat on his back. Mae tries to holds back a laugh as he struggles to turn over or at least accomplish something more impressive than a kick.

Doors shutting and voices can be vaguely heard from the front of the house, but Mae isn’t really worried about what’s going on up there. Justin and Kate are off to a premiere, or a party, or something as equally unappealing to Mae. All she really knows or cares about is that they are leaving and she doesn’t have to be witness to the drama she is sure is unfolding.

If there’s one thing she learned since arriving at this house its to steer clear when Justin is around. At first she was a little put off by his obvious distaste for her, but that quickly transformed into an odd feeling of amusement at the scowls and mutterings. Besides, she knows its more about Kate than it is about her. So the obvious answer to her is to simply make herself scarce when he’s around.

At least this is all adding up to be really good information for her dissertation. The obvious strain put on the family by the press makes everything that much more tense. Not that she’s glad that things are hard, the opposite if anything. Over time every ounce of jealousy and wonder she felt towards Kate has been replaced with worry and a little pity. She would never let that show, but the feeling is freeing to say the least.

Jonah’s face screws up as he prepares to cry. Mae places a heavy hand on his stomach and rubs full circles over the area. A trick her grandma taught her that doesn’t cure his colic, but at least seems to calm him down a little.

“Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales and we stare at the beautiful women. ‘She's looking at you. Ah, no, no, she's looking at me.’ Smiling in the bright lights. Coming through in stereo, When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.”

“Are you serenading the baby?” The voice coming from the now open doorway causes Mae to turn her attention away from the now calm baby. There leaning against the doorway with the ever present smirk is Justin’s constant accessory.

“Are you eaves dropping?” Mae fires back. Any chance the words had to be sharp and lost with her grin.

“You know the kid is probably a pretty tough critic considering who else he gets that from,” he remarks. Mae sighs and nods. And somehow Justin enters the conversation even when he’s not in the room. She knows she’s not a great singer, but that doesn’t change the fact that she routinely pretends to be Beyonce in her living room.

“I figure since I change his diapers he’ll cut me some slack,” Mae offers. Trace chuckles and crosses the room to crouch in front of the blanket. Mae makes the concession of keeping her eyes on him rather than Jonah. When he moves to scoop Jonah off the blanket Mae puts a hand in his way.

“I don’t think you want to do that,” she warns. Trace rolls his eyes and pushes her hand away. Standing as he brings the baby to his shoulder he smiles at her smugly.

“Just because you’re the nanny doesn’t mean that you’re the only one how knows how to hold the damn baby,” he snips. Mae shakes his head as he bounces around a little and smiles when his eyes grow wide. He holds to baby away from his body pushing back towards her.

“Holy shit he just fucking barfed down my back,” Trace groans turning in a circle as he tried to get a visual of what he feels seeping into his shirt. Mae lays Jonah back on the blanket and rubs his stomach a few times for good measure, but wishes he could understand enough to get the praise she wants to shower him with.

“I told you not to do that,” Mae laughs. Trace rapidly removes his polo revealing a simple white t-shirt.

“You could have been more specific. Like ‘hey Trace just so you know the kid is still prone to sharing his lunch’,” he says. Mae chuckles as he falls into a chair in the corner. Apparently he’s worried about getting dirty from 10 feet away.

“You didn’t really give me enough time. Besides, he only does that to people he really likes,” Mae states. Trace’s face lights up a little.

“No shit?” Mae tries to keep the laughter at bay.

“No. I was just trying to ease your pain a little.” Trace tosses a throw pillow with no intention of hitting her.

“I know I didn’t just see you throw a pillow any where near my baby,” Kate says from the door. Her face is drawn into a tight frown, but Mae knows it’s for show. Kate may not be at her best around Justin, but she has a soft spot for Trace. Trace leaps from his seat to pull Kate to him in a forceful hug. Kate laughs something that shocks Mae.

“Get the hell off me Trace. Took me two hours to look this good,” she scolds lightly. Trace pulls away and motions for her to spin. Kate obliges and Mae feels guilty for watching a rare moment of happiness for Kate.

“Ok well I just came in to tell you that we’re leaving, And don’t wait up,” Kate says. Mae feels her eye brows furrow when Kate directs to words to Trace rather than her. Before she can find the words to voice her confusion, Kate has left in a flurry of black and perfume.

“I guess you’ll be heading out too then,” Mae urges. Trace turns to face her and lets a evil grin cross his face.

“Naw. I’m actually going to stick around,” he answers. Mae swallows slowly and let the full meaning of the words sink in. Not that Trace isn’t good company. He just isn’t really that into baby stuff.

“So he doesn’t want me here alone with Jonah,” she concludes. Trace’s face goes white and that’s enough of an answer for Mae.

The insult doesn’t roll off her back quite as quickly as she would like, but she plasters on a forced smile and picks up Jonah. As she passes Trace he grabs her arm.

“It’s not you. He’s always this anal about shit,” he offers.

“You don’t have to apologize for him. I know that I’m not his favorite persona and hey, I’m ok with that,” she replies pulling his arm from his grasp and making her way to Jonah’s room. She can hear his footsteps trailing her and that only pushes her to move a little faster. The soft smell that lingers in Jonah’s room calms her a little and aids in pushing everything out of her mind.

“Ok Jones, you ready for a bath?” she says. The baby gazes up at her from the changing table and blows a couple of raspberries.

“First the singing and now just fucking talking. You need friends Mae? Or do you talk to mute babies often?” Trace muses from the doorway. Mae doesn’t turn to face him.

“You’d be surprised how overrated talking to adults is,” she quips. Trace lets out a low whistle.

“Don’t I know it,” he agrees. Mae gives him a skeptical eye.

“Love life not as active as you’d like people to think?” Mae asks. The change of subject makes the sting fade a little and the perturbed look on Trace’s face is just a bonus.

“How the hell you managed to twist a little sympathy into a statement on my love life is beyond me,” he sighs. Mae lifts Jonah to my hip and laugh. Mae doesn’t know much about Trace other than the fact that every time she sees him he has a disastrous date story to tell her. It was a small jump from that knowledge to her comment.

“I’m just making a well supported observation,” she defends as she leaves the room again. His huffs and under breath arguments follow closely behind her. As she enters the bath room she begins to hum. By the time Trace enters a full grin breaks out on her face as she begins to sing the lyrics.

“Lonely, I’m mister lonely, I have nobody to call my own,” Mae sings. Trace’s mouth drops open and his hands cross over his chest.

“I know that you are not singing that to me,” he argues. Mae continues her humming and wishes she knew more words to the song. As it is she can only remember the chipmunk like chorus.

“Lonely…”She trails off just to get under his skin. He plops down on the closed toilet and glares at her.

“Is this some kind of home edition of American Idol I don’t know about?” he asks. He even makes the effort of glancing around for cameras. Mae leans back so she can splash some of the running water in his direction.

“American Idol wouldn’t know what hit them,” she muses. She keeps a steady hand under Jonah’s hand as the water rises. Even with the mini bath in the tub she has to be sure.

“I completely agree. You should audition. I would love to see you on those rejection episodes,” he adds. Mae chuckles, but doesn’t argue.

Mae leans against the base of the tub as best as she can. This job has taken over her life. What began as a couple of afternoons and nights a week has evolved into every day. Even days when Kate tells her she won’t need her there ends up being a last minute call so she can go to lunch or catch a movie. Not that Mae really minds. Slowly, as it always happens, she has grown completely attached.

She may have acted spited by Trace’s comment about talking to Jonah, but at this point she sees him more often than any of her friends and she is surprised at how therapeutic talking to someone who can’t respond can be.

“Why the hell grown men bathe themselves instead of being bathed is beyond me,” Trace breaks into the silence. Mae rolls her eyes even though he can’t see her.

“Well in the end when you’re too old, it comes full circle,” Mae offers. Trace clicks his tongue at the notion.

“That is not the same. At that point you’re beyond getting enjoyment out of it,” he argues.

“Hand me that bottle right there,” Mae asks as she motions to the baby shampoo on the counter. Trace lifts the bottle at the same time as his eye brow. Mae nods and reaches for it. Trace leans away from her grip a little causing Mae to grumble under her breath.

“No more of that theme song shit,” Trace demands. Mae leans back and takes her time grinning at him taking quick glances back at Jonah.

“No way in hell,” she replies. Trace holds the bottle defiantly even further away. Mae cocks her head o one side and reaches to open the cupboard below the sink. Pulling out a new bottle she shakes it at him and laughs as he purses his lips in protest.

“You sneaky little off key…” he mumbles. Mae takes a hand full of bubbles and tosses them in his direction taking satisfaction when they hit him square on the chest. Trace stares down at the bubbles before wiping them off. When his eyes meet her she’s surprised that they are calm.

“Bad idea,” he states. He remains motionless and after deciding his threats were empty Mae fully turns back to Jonah. When the cold liquid hits her head she freezes. She reaches a free hand up to touch the sticky mess covering her dry hair. When she tilts her head back to look up at the villain.

“Don’t mess with me,” Trace grins. Mae takes a heavy breath and finishes bathing Jonah before lifting him from the tub and wrapping him in the waiting hooded towel. She presses him into Trace’s arms and then pushes them both out of the bathroom.

“I’m sure you can handle your godson while I shower?” She doesn’t wait for trace’s answer before shutting the door. Anyone else she would have waited until Kate got home, but as clueless as Trace likes to pretend he is, he knows how to take care of Jonah.

When Mae emerges from the bathroom, hair still wrapped in a towel she follows the sound of the TV to the living room. The room is dark, but she can still make out a form on the couch.

“Did you survive?” she asks as she rounds the couch. Her grin fails her as the face appears. Not Trace. She stumbles back a few steps and Justin stares back at her.

“Where’s Trace?”

“He left. Did you enjoy you’re shower? I know that your happiness is above and beyond that of your JOB, so I wanted to make sure,” Justin states. Mae grits her teeth and crosses her arms over her chest. She plasters a grin on her face. He will not get to her.

“Well when you left the assist-a nanny I figured I should at least pretend to let him help,” she replies. Justin looks back at her in a mixture of amusement and shock.

“Trace wanted to stay,” he argues. Mae rolls her eyes.

“Too late for that. He already gave you up,” she informs him. He mutters ‘damn’ before gnawing on the inside of his cheek. Mae shifts from one foot to another. The plan was for her to stay the night given how late Justin and Kate were SUPPOSED to be. But now that here’s here and its only midnight she feels the pull to leave.

“He is the worst liar,” Justin mutters.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Mae says. Justin glances back at her shifting under the weight if his sleeping son.

“Sometimes lieing can be a good thing,” he replies. Mae nods a little, but doesn’t push. Civil is more than enough for her, she’s not ready for the baring of the soul just yet.

“If you all are home, I’ll just get my things…” Mae trails off. Justin bobs his head a couple of times before fixing his gaze on Jonah. Mae waits for him to give her the ok to leave.

“Kate’s not here. She wasn’t….ready to leave,” he says. Mae doesn’t know how to respond. Does this mean she can’t leave? The silence hangs for awhile before Justin stretches out on the couch and repositions Jonah to lie on his chest.

“I guess you can just head to bed. I’ll stay out here with Jonah and I know where your room is if I need you,” he instructs. Mae gives a silent nod before back stepping out of the room. Just as she rounds the corner she hears it.

“Oh and Mae?” She pauses, but doesn’t respond.

“Thanks.” The words are so soft she almost doesn’t believe they were uttered. All past experience would lead her to believe they weren’t. But being who she is she can’t help the automatic response.

“Welcome.”

Everything is working on auto pilot. He knows that he is driving recklessly and if he were to get pulled over he wouldn’t be able to formulate a decent excuse, but that’s beyond him. A few horns blare behind him as he crosses the lanes of traffic rapidly to get to his destination. His body catches a little air as the SUV runs over a curb in his haste. He grits his teeth and turns the music up even louder, sure at this point that anyone within a block of him can make out every angry word leaking from his speakers.

He slows slightly as the city street give way to residential, but only enough to ensure he doesn’t sideswipe any of the cars lining the sleepy street. Thinking its safer now that he’s slowed down, he glances over at the glossy object in the passenger seat and feels the rage bubble over once again.

To say things have been hard since Jonah would be an understatement. Justin knows that he is partially responsible, that he could make more of an effort to be patient with Kate, but she keeps giving him reasons to erupt. The newest reason is currently the passenger in his car.

For a moment he thinks he hears a siren and checks his rear view. Nothing but trees and parked cars. As he pulls his eyes away he catches a glimpse of the ever present car seat firmly strapped to his back seat. Even with how shitty things continue to be with Kate, he wouldn’t wish Jonah out of the picture. He’s given Justin a sense of adulthood people have been trying to push him into for years. An easy sense of responsibility and age.

The car that he bought to be a symbol of his success has become a symbol of what he is trying to provide for this son. Safety, protection and even a little cushion. The interior forever reeks of stale milk with a touch of baby lotion, but Justin wouldn’t have it any other way. Screw anyone who would turn up their nose at it. Because this is what his life is about now.

Thoughts of his sons cool his temper only slightly. He knows that its true that you can’t help who you fall in love with, but he was supposed to be able to choose who he would take this life changing step with. Things like birth control and condoms were supposed to stop this kind of thing from happening. Again, not Jonah, but having Jonah with someone who has such different ideas about life than he does.

At her core Justin knows that Kate is a good person. Someone who came from a solid background and by all accounts should be stable, but the more he got to know her the more than very idea unraveled. Hence the breakup. A mutual decision that neither one of them was particularly sad about.

Topping the list of reasons why Justin knew that it would never work was Kate’s insecurity. Her utter inability to truly trust in herself. He struggled to try and encourage that in her, but she clung to it like a raggedy teddy bear. And now, every fight, every glare is laced with that fault.

The gate rolls open even slower than normally and Justin beats his hands on the steering wheel while he waits for it to finally allow him to pass. He groans as he pulls into the drive and sees Mae’s car. What he is about to do shouldn’t have an audience, but there is no helping that now.

He waits a few moments in the car to gather his thoughts to him. He can’t let her talk a circle around him and make him somehow take the blame for this. This is about her. For once he had no part in the offensive action. His head jerks up when the front door opens and Mae steps out. At least that is working out for him.

As Mae makes her way to her car jingling her keys in her hand Justin watches and wonders what goes on inside her head. Admittedly he is an ass to her, but its more to spite Kate than anything. From what Trace tells him and he’s seen of her with Jonah she’s harmless and completely set on adoring Jonah. So he can’t really complain.

Before Mae can slide into her car Justin bursts from his startling her. The keys fall to the ground and land in a symphony of metal. She chuckles before leaning down to pick them back up.

“Good God, I didn’t see you there,” she says. Justin nods, but doesn’t make any effort to respond. He takes in her ripped jeans and ratty Peter Paul and Mary t-shirt. She doesn’t shift under his stare, but smiles and waits.

“Is she here?” he asks. Mae glances back at the house before nodding her reply. Justin takes a deliberate breath before adding his own nod. AS he moves past her a small pang of guilt fills him. He doesn’t mean to be such an ogre with her, but it just comes so damn easily.

“He rolled over today.” The words are soft and he almost misses them. When the full meaning sinks in he turns back to face Mae. A small smile plays on her face and he can see the pride in her eyes. And suddenly a different kind of guilt fills him. He missed it.

“Yeah?” he confirms. Mae nods fervently. For a brief moment his thoughts are far from the periodical rolled in his hand.

“I laid him down to stretch out and turned away for a second and when I looked back he was on his stomach,” she smiles. Justin tries to visualize the milestone. Before Jonah never knew that something as small as rolling over could be considered important, but now with each day that passes he realizes more and more that every moment of his son’s life is important and he misses altogether too much.

“Thanks for telling me,” he replies softly. Mae offers a final smile before slipping into her car. The radio starts and she immediately adds her voice to the noise. Justin watches her pull away and wonders what else he missed that even Mae didn’t think to tell him about.

He doesn’t bother knocking or ringing the bell. Habit allows him to make a pretty good guess of where he’ll find them. As he pushes open the French doors leading to Kate’s room he wishes in vain that he wasn’t here for the reason he is. Kate is sprawled out on the bed with Jonah next to her. Her face stretched into a rare smile as she bushes her fingers over the bottoms of his feet.

Justin’s breath catches in his throat as Jonah erupts into tiny giggles, kicking his feet and looking up at his mother. He wants to drop the magazine and simply join the moment, try once again to be the family everyone thinks they are. But the glossy pages stick to his sweaty hands and he is reminded of why he is there.

“Hey J,” Kate calls casually from the bed, motioning him over. Justin pads his way across the room and sits on the edge of the bed, as far from Kate as he can while still being on the bed. He takes a moment to grin down at his son and feel his downy hair under his fingers before stiffening his resolve.

“He looks more like you every day you know? I would be slighted by his taking after you more than me if you weren’t so good looking,” Kate jokes. Justin nods distractedly. He hates that he is going to pop this bubble of contentment, but he didn’t start this. He opens his hand and lets the magazine unroll onto the bed. Kate stiffens when she sees the full picture.

Justin waits for her to start in with her usual barrage. The excuses, the turning of the tables and finally the storming out of the room, but she remains still. He watches as she pulls herself into the furthest corner of the bed and wraps her arms around herself, almost bracing herself for what she must know is coming.

“It turned out better than I thought,” she finally states. Justin feels the words of anger swirl inside of him. Of all the things she could have said, of all the things that may have begun to placate him, that was not doing the trick.

“See and I was hoping maybe I didn’t read the article right. That maybe this was just a load of shit,” Justin replies bitterly. Kate moves her eyes between the large picture of her and Jonah on the cover of US and Justin’s face. He holds back the words fighting to get out and tries to let her explain.

“I don’t know why you are acting like this is such a shock. We both knew it had come to this,” Kate sighs. Justin feels his forehead crease with frustration. He hates it when she talks of them like a couple, like people who love and trust each other, because at this point he can’t think of anything less fitting.

“When I talked about this….this possibility, it was mostly as a fucking joke Kate. I never in a million years would have sold my son’s face to the highest bidder,” he snaps. All rational reasoning to try and be calm is gone. He rolls his shoulders back and stares at her, daring her to contradict him.

“What did you want me to do Justin? I mean they were camped outside of the house. I couldn’t go anywhere without them shoving a camera in my face and demanding to see Jonah. I, we couldn’t live like that,” Kate argues. Justin shakes his head in disbelief. He pushes the magazine off the bed not being able to bear looking at it any longer.

“What happened to just letting it happen naturally? Whenever they got a hold of a picture they did? I thought that’s what we decided to do, but look there I am assuming that I have any kind of fucking say,” Justin spits. Kate takes a shuttering breath and he knows he’s getting to her, but he wants to understand to try to relate with her.

“I just… I was talking to Kelly and she suggested that is we did this then a lot of the attention would die down. That maybe they would leave us alone,” Kate stumbles over the words. Justin falls back on the bed and immediately looks over to make sure his movement didn’t disturb the now sleeping Jonah.

“Why the hell wouldn’t Kelly tell you to go with the cover? He’s your publicist, hardly has you best interest as a mother at heart,” Justin sighs.

His fisted hands rub over his eyes and he rolls into his side laying an arm lightly over Jonah’s form. In some strange way he feels like the magazine, the media attention is a direct result of him not being a good father. Of him not protecting Jonah from all that shit. But how can he when Kate is busy sabotaging his efforts?

“It seemed like a good idea. I mean they paid $750,000 for the cover and the pigs have left the gate. So I’m not really seeing a downside,” Kate defends. Just her mentioning the money brings Justin’s lunch to the back of this throat. He struggles to hold it down.

“Jesus Kate. You took money? You realize that’s like whoring out Jonah?” he breathes. He pulls the tiny body close to him a futile attempt to protect him. Kate grits her teeth and her eyes throw daggers at Justin, but he doesn’t care. She deserves this.

This is all on her. She should feel a little of the pain that surged through him when he saw the cover. At the gas station of all places. The machine had instructed him to go inside for his recipient and there it was. His son’s face plastered across a magazine. If that wasn’t bad enough the obvious posed Kate behind him was the real blow.

“Don’t say it like that. It was for him. So they would stop hovering over him,” she whispers. Justin shakes his head.

“You think he has any clue about those assholes? He’s six months old Kate! The only person who feels better after all this is you.” Jonah stirs and Justin wishes he could be his cover forever.

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this. So what I sold his first public pictures! But at least I can have a little peace. And besides you should be happy its great publicity for you,” she argues. Justin lets his eyes to flutter closed instead of instantly lashing out like he wants to.

“Its not about fucking publicity Kate. It’s about you throwing my son to the dogs. About you feeling good about doing something this huge without even telling me,” he rambles. His every effort to try and make her understand is failing. He can’t remember when he stopped being able to even talk to Kate.

“Your son? Your son? You aren’t even here most of the time. He’s mine as much as he is yours and I can make decisions for him if I feel its best for him!” Kate’s rising voice pulls Jonah from his sleep and it doesn’t take long for his cries to mix with his mothers.

“Don’t pull me into this like this is my fault. It is what it is,” he states firmly. He pulls himself to s sitting position and cradles his son to his chest.

“That’s your response? Fine then. The magazine is what it is,” she fires back. Justin chews on the inside of his cheek and stands.

“Go, take YOUR son and leave. It’s what you do best when things get a little tough,” Kate spits. Justin pauses in the doorway and debates whether or not to take the bait. He decides that anything he would say would cause more damage then help and continues his path to the door.

Once Jonah is strapped in his seat and the doors are closed Justin allows himself to break down. This wasn’t how he imagined his life. Even after he knew Jonah was coming he naively thought that his problems with Kate would disappear or at the very least fade into the background. But if anything everything has just been amplified. And the worst feeling is that he can’t do anything to change it. Like he’s on a path that he doesn’t know where it leads or how to get off of it.

And all he really feels like he can do is try.

“I don’t know how to react to you without your little drooler,” Bess jokes. Kate forces a tight smile and sips her water to avoid any immediate response.

Originally she had been excited to have an excuse to get out of the house without Jonah, a chance to try and remember what life was like before she was a mother, but not she wanted to go back home and crawl back under her covers. At least that way she could hide from the sideways glances and soft whispers surrounding her.

“I know right? Is he still on the tit?” Craig asks. Kate chokes on her water as the word ‘tit’ echoes through the small café, causing several more unwanted glances. The rest of the tables erupts in laughter and then merges into a conversation about the current teen starlet and her obvious horrible choice in clothing.

Kate smiles and nods her way through the conversation not sure if she she’s relieved or upset that she doesn’t quite fit in with the people just months ago she considered her closest friends. The conversation turns to around town gossip and Kate can’t help the natural smile that covers her face. It’s always been a personal favorite.

“I hear that Jake is totally doing his newest leading lady,” Bess whispers just loud enough for any hungry ears to take in. Craig covers his mouth in mock horror.

“God Good. That man really can’t keep it in his pants. So why the hell can’t I get on one of his movies?” Craig groans. Kate reaches over and rubs his arm soothingly. Maybe it won’t be too hard to slip back into this as she though.

“What about the Richie and what’s his face from Fall Out Boy rumors?” Kate suggests. Bess’s face lights up as she launches into all the details that being a food runner for most of the major TV studios provides her. Kate leans forward on her elbows soaking up the energy and scandal that Bess emulates.

This is part of what she’s missed. The meaningless chatter and information that filled her head before she had more important things to worry about. And her friends seem to feel the same. As long as the topic of conversation stays away from Jonah the conversation flows and it’s almost like nothing every happened.

A tiny pang of guilt hits Kate as she makes this connection. That her friends haven’t really taken to the newest and most important person in her life, but the break is nice, like a vacation from her reality.

“You know what people are really talking about?” Craig redirects. Kate shakes her head enthusiastically. She isn’t quite sure what it is that Craig does. It seems to change with his mood. But one thing that never changed was his ability to know more than his business about whoever it was he was working for.

“I feel so deprived. Tell me!” Kate demands. Bess throws Craig a knowing look as she sips her bloody Mary. Kate tries to hold back her distaste for a drink at an 11:00 lunch, but doesn’t want to cause any drama.

“Word on the street is that things aren’t as perfect as they seem between you and Justin,” Craig states. Kate sucks in a quick breath and feels her eyes widen. Even though it’s the truth she had hoped that people hadn’t picked up on the reality yet. She rubs her lips together roughly to avoid the question a little longer.

“What the hell is going on with you two? I mean you have the kid, you’re practically shacked up and yet you’re never together,” Bess presses. Kate looks between her two friends who have now taken up her previous position leaned forward on their elbows waiting for her answer.

For a fleeting moment Kate considers telling them the truth. That her and Justin and less of a couple than they were during their break up and that in truth she wishes he would just admit the defeat so they could try being friends instead of pretending to be something more. But telling these two would be like making an unofficial statement to Perez Hilton.

“We’re fine. I mean it’s been hard with Jonah and all, but really we’re just trying to keep to ourselves,” Kate replies. She smiles at the easiness of the lie. The looks on their faces tells her that they don’t completely buy it, but they would never push without more information.

Even though life would be easier if Justin would let their relationship end, Kate is grateful for the cover that it provides. She doesn’t have to answer questions about why he isn’t involved or why it didn’t work out. So that small safety net is enough for her to continue living the lie for a little longer.

“So has the baby put a damper on your sex life?” Craig asks. The evil grin on his face lets Kate know that he’s trying to hit a soft spot, make her cave. But even as new as Kate is to the business, she knows better than to fall into that trap.

“Not at all. If anything it’s made it better.” Not such a small lie this time. That last time they had sex it produced Jonah. Kate’s phone comes alive with chimes and vibrations and she grabs for it grateful for the excuse to break away.

“I have to take this,” she says apologetically. Bess and Craig nod and have forgotten her absence before she even pushes away from the table.

“Hello?” She leans against a shaded wall and waits for her savoir to reveal himself.

“How is my favorite screamer?” Todd Reuben asks. Kate sighs as her agents voice fills her mind. The reference to her less than stellar career to date isn’t exactly welcome.

She came to LA with dreams of being discovered while waiting tables at TGIFridays and two years later was grateful when she was picked to do a toothpaste commercial. Enter Todd. Within three months he had her booked on a guest stint on a hot teen sitcom playing someone at least 5 years younger than she was. And then a string of unmemorable teen movies. Two of which she played someone killed off within the first forty five minutes.

“I’m fine Todd,” Kate answers. She can hear him dictating something to his assistant under his breath. She would hang up if she wasn’t so desperate to stay away from her friends.

“You’ll never guess what I have for you,” he taunts in a sing song voice. Kate rolls her eyes. The last time he sounded like this she got the part of the high school tramp in the latest Hilary Duff movie.

“Todd we talked about this. I’m not doing any work until Jonah is one,” Kate reminds him with a heavy sigh. She lifts her hand and takes in the ragged appearance of her nails.

“I know what you said, but this is not something you’d want to pass up,” Todd urges. A couple passes on the street and Kate gets caught up in their obvious fondness for one another. There was a time when she thought she and Justin would be like that. Everyone was overjoyed when they started dating. Todd told her she had hit the dating lottery.

“If this has anything to do with Paris Hilton, just save your breath,” Kate warns. Todd laughs like he hasn’t offered it before.

“No no no. Nothing like that. We’ve come a long way from that point,” Todd says. She hates to admit that Justin was good for her career. That even before Jonah she was getting interest just because people knew her as his girlfriend. As mush as she wishes she was moral enough to turn away those opportunities, she can’t.

“Guess who is the only actress Jonathan Dayton wants for his next film?” Todd prompts. Kate freezes. So many times she has wished for this moment. For Todd to tell her that she was requested on a movie that didn’t end with a prom.

“Do not screw with me right now Todd. The hormones are still raging and I could do some serious damage,” she warns. He laughs again and the simple noise rubs her nerves.

“I would never do that to you. Since that US cover there have been all kinds of interest in you, but this is the only thing that I dare break into ‘mommy time’ for,” Todd states. Kate grits her teeth at the mention of the magazine. But then again, if it got her Dayton’s attention…

“What does this mean?” Kate asks.

“It means that you need to get your little ass in this office so we can talk about this face to face,” Todd answers. Kate nods and takes that in. She glances at her watch. She told Mae she would be back by 12:30 so she could make it to her lecture.

“Like now?” Kate holds her breath as she waits for the answer. She doesn’t want to make Mae miss class, but this is Dayton. The man that got an independent movie an Oscar nod.

“Well unless you have something other meeting that could turn your career around I would say yes,” Todd replies. Another glance at the watch. Mae will understand.

“I can be there in half an hour,” she offers.

“That’s my girl. Be ready to be wowed,” Todd finishes. Kate stares at the phone long after Todd hangs up. The brick bites at her back as she slides down the building into a sliding position. She cradles her head in her hands as she takes in the reality of Todd’s words.

A chance to be more than the mother of Justin Timberlake’s baby. Maybe actually prove to so many people that she is more than a pretty face. Too many possibilities. And then she’s hit by the agreement she and Justin made. Nothing big for a year. Nothing that might take them away from more than a few days. But that was before she knew this was even possible.

As she scrolls down to Mae’s number she considering calling Todd back and telling him that Dayton can wait another 6 months, but she knows she can’t. Cause Dayton won’t wait.

“Join the Insanity,” Mae chirps. Kate laughs.

“How’s everything going?” she asks. She can hear Mae talking to Jonah and she wonders if he understands his nanny’s constant dialogue. Everything with Jonah is natural to Mae, like he’s a part of her life that she’s always been ready for.

“We’re good. You on your way back?” Mae asks. Mate takes a deep breath and bites her lip until it almost breaks the skin.

“That’s actually why I was calling. I kind of have a meeting with my agent that I cannot miss,” Kate offers. The silence on the other end tells Kate all she needs to know.

“Well, I guess I can stay. I have that lecture, but I’m sure I can get someone to take notes for me,” Mae eases. Kate feels bad for taking advantage of Mae’s generosity. One thing she knows about the girl is that she would never say no when it comes to Jonah.

“You don’t know how much I appreciate this Mae. I swear you can have like all next week off, or at least a couple days,” Kate gushes. Mae chuckles softly and starts singing softly to Jonah. Kate can’t place the song, but recognizes the slow melody.

“And just so you know Justin may be coming by a little later, I told him he could take Jonah tonight,” Kate adds. Back to the silence.

“Thanks for the warning,” Mae chuckles. Kate forces her way through to the goodbyes and just sits on the concrete. A couple of passing people have mild recognition on their faces, but she doesn’t really care.

Things can never be completely good. There’s always a bad side and Kate decides she is sick of letting the bad sides preventing her from enjoying the good. This time it’s going to be about her.

“I am telling you. Angelina pre-kid was like a scarier version of Marilyn Manson,” Trace states. Justin chuckles to himself as he glances over his shoulder before switching lanes. Trace’s newest soap box is that all celebrities are freaks at heart. Justin tries to exclude himself from the category as Trace continues to add examples.

The kid is in an abnormally good mood today and that alone would usually be enough to put Justin on edge, but then add the fact that he offered to come along to pick up Jonah and Justin is downright suspicious.

“Marilyn Manson? Calm the fuck down. I admit that she has gotten less intense, but she was never that scary,” Justin concedes. Trace raises an eye brow and shakes his head.

“Whatever dude. You know I’m right,” he replies. Justin waits for him to offer another example, but instead Trace leans against the passenger door and watches the light posts pass. Although Justin would never turn down a chance to hang with Trace, he’s grateful for the transition to silence. This way the inevitable thought process that begins when going to Kate’s can finish processing before they get to the driveway and thus allows him to go in the house without waiting in the car for his thoughts to slow down.

Usually when things hit a shitty high point a short period of almost happiness follows for Justin and Kate, but since the magazine things have been tense at best. Not that he has really tried to make it any better. At this point he feels like any discomfort that she might feel is a just punishment for what she did.

When he tells himself this he knows it sounds childish, but hell he’s allowed to act like an ass sometimes, especially when it comes to his son. He’s finally getting used to the way it sounds. His son. Being a father hasn’t been the easiest thing he’s done, but it tops the list as far as rewarding. The only good thing that came from the magazine is that Justin has spent more time with Jonah.

Pride rushes through him and his cheeks tint a little with the rush. He might have been the first person to see Jonah scoot. A stupid word, scoot, but when you become a parent you’re allowed to use words like that and not give a shit how it sounds.

Almost seven months old. It’s passed faster than Justin thought it could, but he’s started to feel the itch. Started to wake up at three in the morning with a melody in his mind and pause mid stroke on the course to jot down an idea for a possible chorus line. He’s curious to see what if any changes Jonah has had on his music. He’d like to think that a new sound might morph out of this huge life change, but he doesn’t want to get too excited.

He owes Kate another five months. That was one thing they agreed on. Neither one of them would work for the first year. At least not on anything that took them away from LA for more than a couple of days. Justin doesn’t regret agreeing to that. He owes Jonah that much, a year of his undivided attention. And it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t working. He’s gone into the studio a couple of times with different artists, but its different when you work on your own stuff. A different vibe, a better sense of self. So even if its not quite time to think about it he can’t stop the melodies from coming.

He blinks a couple of times at the gate in front of him. It’s always unsettling when you don’t remember actually getting to place, even more disturbing when you can’t blame that on a good buzz.

“You gonna open the goddamned gate or wait for it to read your mind?” Trace urges. Justin reaches up and hits the opener.

“Is there a reason you’re all up my ass about the gate? Or why you suddenly want to tag along to pick up Jonah?” Justin tests. Trace freezes for a moment and Justin feels the grin spread across this face. He’s hit a nerve. A rare thing with Trace and something he will not leave alone.

“Well unlike you I don’t want to spend the afternoon staring at Kate’s gate no matter how purdy it is and why the fuck are you all over me about coming? One minute you can’t get off me about not coming and the next you all over me about coming. Make up you mind my friend,” Trace answers.

“I hassled you about coming because you need to spend more time with Jonah and now I’m just wondering what the appeal is,” Justin presses. Trace chuckles under his breath and finger snaps Justin in his upper arm. Justin winces at the contact, but acknowledges that he’s not getting anywhere.

“Quit with your analysis and lets go in and see your kid,” Trace says as he opens his door. Justin watches his retreating form for a moment before following. He takes in the front of Kate’s house as he approaches. He used to love how modern it looked, but now he’s on the verge of despising the sharp lines and lack of Southern appeal. But he’s not in any kind of place to tell her she should move, so he’s forced to deal with it.

Trace leaves the door open behind him and when Justin passes through it he can already hear Mae’s laughter. At least he’s gotten beyond his pure hatred of the girl. The small amount of time he’s been civil to her he can honestly say that she’s harmless, quirky even.

“Lonely, I’m m….” The rest of Mae’s words are muffled by Trace’s hand over her mouth. Justin pauses in the doorway to the kitchen and watches his best friend manhandle the nanny.

“Holy shit!” Trace yelps as he pulls his hand rapidly away from Mae’s mouth. She grins and pulls Jonah from his high chair. The small boy is covered with some kind of goo, probably banana baby food. Justin smiles when Jonah squeals at the sensation of being lifted into the air.

“You bit me you maniac,” Trace states. Mae Stares back him the same silly grin plastered on her face. Justin can’t help but smile himself.

“You say that like you didn’t know I was going to do that,” Mae replies as she cocks her head to one side. She turns her attention briefly to Justin as he enters to room. Her smiles loses its mischief and takes in an air of uncertainty, but it remains stuck on her face.

She willing hands over the sticky baby and Justin makes his way to the sink, careful not to turn the blast up far enough to miss the conversation behind him.

“You and you’re fucking theme song. I was just trying to shut you the hell up,” Trace argues. Justin can’t see him, but he knows his friend well enough to know his hands are clenched at his sides and his face has probably turned two shades of red. He laughs at the menial picture, which causes Jonah to laugh in turn.

“Tsk tsk Trace. In front of the baby? What are you going to do when the kid yells ‘shit’ as his first word?” she teases. Justin snorts when his attempt to hold back his laughter fails. He turns his head a little to see Trace and Mae staring at him.

“As long as it can be blamed on Trace I won’t complain,” he adds. Mae smiles and she turns back to Trace, her hands balanced on either hip. Justin can hear Trace mumble something before making all together too much noise as he sits down at the table.

Justin rubs the warn rag over Jonah’s face and then lets him suck on the end for a bit. He senses Mae’s presence behind him before she makes herself known.

“I probably shouldn’t let him do that,” Justin says as he pulls the rag from Jonah’s mouth. Mae laughs and gives it back to the baby.

“A little water and baby food never hurt anyone,” she replies. Justin smiles cautiously over at her. Her eyes aren’t even on him. She rubs her hand affectionately over the baby’s head a few times.

“Kate is at a meeting or something, but should be home pretty soon,” she offers. Justin nods, but before he can attempt to continue to be civil, she walks away smacking Trace upside the head as she leaves the room. He watches as Trace glares after her as long as he can see her and then his face transitions into something different, almost like fondness? Justin shakes the thought from his mind.

“Are we going to hang around and wait for Kate or are we just going to grab the kid and go?” Trace asks. Justin settles Jonah into the crook of his arm before turning to face Trace.

“I feel like we should wait. I’m sick of all this grab and go shit. I should at least try to be fucking civil.”

“I heard that!” Mae’s voice carries into the room. It’s not until Justin sees the smile on Trace’s face that he knows he’s got one to match. What the hell is wrong with him?

The slow rumble of the garage break Justin from his confusion and he focuses on the door the garage he knows will open at any second. Kate pushes open the door, more worried about the papers in her hands than the people in her kitchen. She tosses her keys towards the counter, but misses.

“Nice shot Kate,” Trace says. Kate jumps when his voice hits her. The papers in her hands go all over the floor and she lets a low ‘shit’ slip. Justin nods towards Trace before handing him Jonah. At least their silent communication is still working.

He bends down and starts gathering the papers together. As he pulls a stack together he takes a minute to read the piece on the top of the pile. It doesn’t take much for him to realize what he’s looking at.

“Todd’s already having you look at projects for next year?” he asks. Kate purses her lips and drops the rest of the papers unceremoniously on the counter. Justin watches as she takes a ragged breath and runs her hands through her hair. If he weren’t so damned worried about what she was going to say he would have followed Mae’s laughter out of the room.

“I was going to call you about this Jus. I really was,” she begins. Justin lets his papers cover the ones she already laid down. The shit is about to hit the fan. He can feel it or rather smell it.

“Tell me about what Kate? Jesus! Why is it every damn time I come over here you drop something else on me?” he demands. She shrinks for a moment into a corner of the counter before gathering herself back up. Justin crosses his arms over his chest and waits. One of the few admirable qualities he posses, patience.

“They want me for the next Jonathan Dayton project?” Kate asks. Justin can see the excitement in her features waiting to be let out if he lets it. He grinds his teeth back and forth conscious that the action gets on Kate’s nerves. In a lot of ways he wants to be excited. Wants to share in this moment with her, but he can’t. She isn’t free to do whatever the hell she wants anymore.

“I’m guessing its you. When does filming start?” he asks evenly. Kate plays with the long sleeves of her shirt while sneaking glances at him. Her insecurity shining through.

“Well that’s the thing. They already have most of the cast signed up so if I want to do this I have to be ready to leave in two weeks,” Kate eases. Justin feels his whole body go tense. She would do this.

“Well that’s shitty then. I mean you can’t work for anther five months. Maybe he’ll want you for the next one,” Justin offers.
He can see her face fall, but she’s not the only one putting their career on hold. Does she even know how many times he’s turned down opportunities to work with fucking amazing people? Two weeks ago he told Chris Martin no. He still hasn’t gotten over that sting, but he will and she will after she says no.

“This is Jonathan Dayton Justin! The guy who hit gold with Little Miss Sunshine. Who knows if there will be a next time?” she argues. Justin presses his lips together and nods.

“Don’t pull that card with me Kate. We said a year. And I’ve stuck to that and I expect you to too,” he states. His arms tighten over his chest and for a moment he feels like the only adult in the room.

“You have to be kidding me. I’ve waited my whole life for this opportunity and you expect me to brush it aside like its nothing?” Justin takes a deep breath. She really doesn’t even think about him. Ever.

“No, it’s a great offer and you would be stupid not to want to take it, but you can’t,” he says.

“You would say that. You would stand there and tell me to watch my one chance walk away like it was nothing,” she seethes.

“If you think this is you ‘one chance’ you obviously don’t have much faith in yourself. If you want it and you work hard another one will come along,” he argues. She closes her eyes slowly and put her palm to her forehead. Justin watches the display with an odd sense of calm. Like he’s watching the whole thing rather than taking part.

“Not every one is like you. We don’t all find gold wherever we drop our shovels. Some people only get ONE shot Justin. This is mine.” He glances back at the papers on the counter and sees pieces of signatures.

“So what you wanted to tell me was that you are taking the project. Not that you got offered?” Justin clarifies. The previous calm has left.

“What choice did I really have?” Justin feels his body go into overdrive, for the first time in his life he has the overwhelming desire to shake the shit out of a woman.

“I don’t even know why I even try. I mean you are so beyond me its fucking unbelievable. So you’re just going to drag Jonah to wherever the hell it is you’re filming?” he asks. She swallows hard and glances over at the empty high chair.

“That’s the thing. Um, filming is in Mexico and I really don’t want to take him to a foreign country and a film set is a horrible place for a baby anyways…” she trails off. Justin’s mouth drops as he makes the mental connection.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’re leaving him?” he gawks. Kate rings her hands in her shirt and leans her weight on each foot in turn.

“You’re here and I wouldn’t want to take him from you, besides you know how onset can be, it would be hell for him.” Justin stares at the floor so long and so hard he wonders why it doesn’t leave a mark.

“If you do this. If you leave. That’s it for us Kate,” he threatens. She teeters a little with the words, but then steadies herself.

“It’s been over for a long time Justin, I was just waiting for you to admit that.” He steps back shocked at the ease at which she took his words.

“And I’m going to fire the nanny. Do it my way,” he adds. For a moment she looks like she might argue, but then she simply nods.

“You should be able to do it however you want,” she agrees. The room spins slightly with Justin’s head. She’s really going to do this.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this Kate. Like I knew things between us were fucked up, but I never thought you would do something like this,” he breathes.

“Maybe you didn’t know me at all,” she replies.

“Can we get the hell out of here before Mae fucking starts singing again?” Trace demands. He stops in his tracks when he feels the tension in the room. He looks between Justin and Kate slowly and begins to back out. Justin makes no move to stop him.

“We’re finished here Trace. You all can go,” Kate announces. She bushes by Justin and leaves the room. Trace takes over her space on the floor and cowers a little to meet Justin’s gaze.

“What the hell just happened here?” he asks. Justin shakes his head and he rubs his hands over his eyes.

“I wish I fucking knew.”

“Do you want to leave?” Trace eases.

“Go get Mae and tell he to get as much of Jonah’s shit as you can into my car,” Justin orders. Trace’s straightens and nods. He knows not to mess with that tone of voice. Justin doesn’t move after he leaves. And this is what it all comes to…

Mae feels her inside start to spin as she watches the veiling fan twirl lazily above her. A combination of boredom and heat led her to her current position. If her whole body wasn’t sticky from the lack of air conditioning in July she might be tempted to move to take a cold bath or anything else that might pull her from her cathartic state. She closes her eyes before the nausea can settle it.

It only took Justin two days after the ‘big boom’ to inform her that her services would no longer be needed. The news wasn’t really a surprise to her, but it stung a little none the less. Mostly because she had thought that he was past the point of hating her on principle. But the biting tone in which he delivered the news pushed that idea quickly from her head.

It has finally wrung true in her life that you don’t really know how much you appreciate something until it’s gone. Not only was her job with Jonah helping keep her in her mildly tolerable apartment, but it curbed her need to worry about her ever present student loans. Now that it had all disappeared she was forced to go back to worrying at least part time.

“You staring at the fan isn’t going to make it work any better,” Sara Jane states. Mae opens her eyes and tilts her head a little to look over at her roommate. One a lot of level Sara Jane is more successful than Mae. She skipped the whole college step and went straight to working full time, something that has paid off in the end. She now manages a deli down town and seems to be making more money than Mae. At least that’s’ what the Coach purses tell her.

“Can’t blame me for trying,” Mae replies. Sara Jane chuckles a little and falls down on the bed next to her. The old box springs groans under the added weight. The number one reason Mae hasn’t brought home a boy in years, the whole complex would know within seconds.

“So is this what you plan on doing with your time now? Watching this rickety fan spin round?” Sara Jane teases.

Mae smiles at the way her southern drawl pulls at the words making the insult sound more pleasant than if she had uttered it. Even more disturbing the accent brings to mind two men with almost matching twangs. One of which is not on her good list, but the other. She’s a little irked that the thought of him brings a smile to her face.

“No, I fully plan on moving to the living room later to give the air conditioner a good stare down,” she quips. She glances over just in time to see Sara Jane roll her eyes.

“I called the super yesterday and he said that he would try to get some on out here tomorrow,” Sara Jane offers. Mae groans and throws an arm over her face. It would seem like good news if he hadn’t said the same thing every day for the past week.

“So we’re stuck in this muck for another day?” she verifies. The bed protests loudly as Sara Jane pushes her self up and off of it.

“You. You are stuck here. I have work and thank God the deli is air conditioned,” Sara Jane corrects. Mae glares at her from under her arm. She begins to push herself into a sitting position, but moving only makes the heat more apparent so she falls back onto her back.

“Do yourself a favor and get out of this hell hole. Go shopping or something. Go visit your grandma,” Sara Jane suggests.

She’s left the room before Mae can verbally shoot down all her suggestions. Since her current cash flow has stopped shopping is out of the picture and her grandma left two days ago for some kind of retreat involving single adults. The crazy old woman still likes to see what’s out there. Mae loves her gall.

The front door serves as the only goodbye Sara Jane offers. Mae winces her eyes shut and tries to think of any good reason to move. She rolls a little to the side and chuckles when the crackling of paper breaks through the silence. Lifting her body a little she pulls the newspaper from under her. The movie listings stare back at her and a slow smile creeps across her face.

The words ‘dollar’ and ‘theater’ jump out at first glance, but then she quickly discards the idea when the best offering stars Nicolas Cage, she doesn’t particularly like Nicolas Cage and that’s being nice. Reluctantly she dcides to splurge and pay full price. With a little effort she rolls off the bed and when her feet hit the ground she almost retreats to her former position.

Pushing past the sticky feeling to move across the floor she reaches her closet. Empty hangers greet her. She crouches and searches through the piles of clothes on the floor. She’s still getting used to having enough time not only to wash her clothes but put them away all in the same go.

As she pulls a t-shirt from the pile a whiff of Jonah’s baby lotion hits her. She holds the shirt to her nose and settles back on her calves. Eventually she won’t miss being thrown up on a daily basis, eventually. Deciding the pile is dirty and pushing any sadness to the bottom of her stomach she grabs a green tank top and pads to the bathroom.

She turns the tap on cold and gazes into the mirror. Her face is damp and the hair around her face is stuck to her face in wet curls. She splashes cold water on her face before shucking her high school swim team t shirt for the tank top. She glances down at her short and decides against anything than would require more effort. Theaters are dark anyways.

As she slips into her car, she mentally scolds herself for not leaving earlier, the car at least has air conditioning. The air pumps out hot at first, but she’s willing to wait because the moment it turns cold will be heavenly.

The theater parking lot if sparse, but she wouldn’t expect less on a Tuesday afternoon. She parks carefully under a tree hoping that will prevent the interior from turning into a sauna.

She bypasses the ticket counter and instead opts for the small self service terminals. Even though she doesn’t mind going to the movies alone she still doesn’t like the look on the cashiers faces when you pay for one. Her fingers glide over the screen and she smiles as she taps all the appropriate places. Pushing buttons had never grown old for her. She still gets a small thrill when she’s the first person to the elevator and gets to do the honors.

Cool air hits her as she pushes into the lobby of the theater and her eyes close with the sensation. She would have paid just to have sat in this cool haven for a couple of hours, forget the movie. After a few minutes of cooled bliss the usher in front of her clears his throat a couple of times.

“Isn’t it amazing in here?” Mae asks as she presents her ticket. The teenager twitches under her gaze before offering her an awkward smile.

“It gets old after a couple of hours,” he manages. Mae continues to grin at him while he struggles to tear her ticket.

“Still, its so much better than being outside.” When he finally manages to pull the two perforated pieces apart and offers it back to Mae. She casts a quick glance around the theater satisfied that he only people there are a few workers and a young mother struggling with a toddler.

The woman struggles to keep her daughter in her stroller while balancing a coke and popcorn. When the little girl tosses her bottle over the edge the mother’s face falls. Mae bends down and picks up the rolling object offering back to the small girl. She offers her a grin and chuckles when the baby reciprocates.

“Thanks,” she mother says.

“No problem.” She smiles once again at the baby before approaching the snack bar. If she’s going to splurge for a $9 ticket she might as well get all the trimmings as well. She shifts her weight from foot to foot as she waits for her order.

A chorus of voices enter the theater breaking her pervious nostalgia of being there alone. A heavy sighs leaves her body and the kid behind the counter suddenly can’t move quickly enough. She finally pushes the popcorn and water across the counter and Mae is plagued with the decision of whether to escape the voices approaching her or to pause to add butter.

Her taste buds win as she places the small bag under the spout.

“Look who it is.” Mae jumps at the voice and then frowns at the spilled popcorn on the floor. When she turns to face the voice she has her revenge ready.

“If it isn’t Mr. Lonely himself,” she muses. Trace glares at her slightly. Mae glances behind him at the small crowd waiting a few feet behind him.

“I swear to God if you start singing that song right now you will regret it,” Trace hisses. Mae arches an eye brow and contemplates doing it just to piss him off. She decides against it chalking it up to doing her good deed for the day.

“I wouldn’t want you to lose face in front of you posse,” Mae agrees. Trace glances back at the people behind him holding up a single finger to appease them.

“So what brings you here today Idol? Hot date?” Trace asks. He looks around for the other person he is sure is there. Mae. Keeps her gaze on him a small smile on her face.

“Actually I’m just mooching some air conditioning,” she answers. Trace nods but waits for her to add something. Mae cocks her head to the side.

“And I’m here alone,” she adds. Trace’s mouth drops open slightly.

“Who the hell goes to movies alone?” he hisses. Mae chuckles a little and kicks at her lost popcorn on the floor. The reaction is something she is used to. But its something she started during her undergrad when she needed a break from her nymphomaniac roommate. And after awhile she grew to love it.

“I do.”

“You couldn’t find anyone to go with you?” Trace concludes. Mae shakes her head.

“Actually I wanted to come alone thank you,” Mae argues. Trace motions to the girl behind the counter and orders a popcorn. Mae fights back the urge to glare in jealousy. The girl moves a little faster than she did with Mae, or at least that’s what she tells herself.

He takes the popcorn and plucks a few kernels off the top before handing it off to Mae. Her mouth drops in shock but she pulls it to her.

“Give me a minute?” he asks. Mae nods and begins to take a kernel at a time from the fresh bag. She watches as he approaches the group and then shies back as all their eyes turn to her. They head in the opposite direction as Trace approaches her again.

“Ok. What are we seeing?” he asks. Mae pulls back a little.

“What do you mean we? Didn’t I say I was going by myself?”

“No one wants to go to a movie by themselves. I’m doing you a favor. Consider yourself lucky,” he answers. Mae scoffs at the reply and is glad that she probably chose the last movie Trace would willingly see. When the name of the movie comes into view Trace halts.

“You can’t be serious,” he balks. Mae smiles and does her best to put on an innocent look.

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come,” she reminds him. He mumbles something under his breath before pushing forward to open the door. Mae chuckles as she follows.

He picks a seat too far back for Mae’s liking but she doesn’t argue. It’s nice to have a little piece of her previous life close to her. She settles into her seat and rests the popcorn on the arm between them. Her attention focuses on the movie trivia on the screen and for a moment she almost forgets he’s there.

It’s a comfortable feeling she didn’t expect to find in his presence. And as much as she doesn’t want to admit it she’s glad he’s there.

Kate huffs loudly before glaring at the overstuffed suitcase in front of her. The clips sit mere inches from their latches, taunting her with being so close and yet unable to make those last inches. For the first time since Justin stormed out of her house she wishes he were here. If for nothing else than to offer a little more muscle to finish the job.

Even more than that she needs his calming words telling her that she’s making too big of a deal about this. That as soon as she gets there everything will fall into place and that no one will think that casting her was the biggest mistake the director could make. But that would require his support on even a subconscious level and there’s no way he could ever do that.

She reaches for the abandoned glass of wine balanced on her dresser and takes a long sip. The forgien silence in the house surrounds her. It had been so long since she had time alone much less a house to herself. The first few days were fantastic, novel really. But faster that she would have liked the silence began to speak to her.

Says things about her being a failure as a mother and pushing away the one man who may have wanted to stick with her. When she manages to push that from her mind it whispered even more obscure things like it was her fault that Mae didn’t have a job and that is Jonah’s first word was four letters she would be to blame.

It’s not like she hadn’t made an effort. She had seen Jonah every day since he moved in with Justin. A small smile plays on Kate’s lips as she replays the thought. A mental image of Jonah as a mover crosses her mind. But while she had seen her son every day she had yet to see Justin.

When she called he answered, but when she showed up his mom, or Trace or even Rachel supervised the visit. There were times she was sure he was there just waiting for her to leave before poling his head out from behind the couch. But this was her decision and she wasn’t going to force him to do anything.

Despite it all she was grateful to Justin. He had taken Jonah without a second thought and that whether or not he would like to admit it, was a small sign of support. Kate wouldn’t have gone if Justin had refused to take him.

Kate backs up a few steps and takes in the suitcase from all angles. She’s like to be able to say that the non closure of the bag has nothing to do with her reservations about the movie, but the connection is seared in her mind before she can stop it. She climbs on the bed and rests her weight on top of the suitcase and wiggles around a little before hearing the satisfying click.

She holds her hands in the air victoriously but without anyone to share the moment with its short lived. She leaves tomorrow. Her stomach becomes unsettled just with the thought. A low hum fills the room as her air conditioning rumbles to life.

The new air is laced with a small remnant of baby powder and instant Kate has left the bed and is head down the stairs. She grabs the keys from her table and climbs into her car without thought to any open doors or lights left on.

Her eyes rest on her cell phone briefly and she almost reaches out to grab it, but then pushes the thought from her mind. She needs to see them both before she leaves. Even if all he has to say are pointed words, she’ll take them.

The drive goes faster than she would like mostly because she’s dreading the final destination just a little. Her small car jars and shakes as she turns into his driveway. Everything about his home begs for a male presence from his rough curbs to the un apologetic gash in the garage paint from an unfortunate first try on his bullet bike.

Before the care even has time to settle she bursts from its interior and is headed to the front door on a mission. She pushes the heavy door open and follows the sound of voices to the back deck. She pauses for a moment on the other side of the sliding glass and watches the scene in front of her.

Jonah is resting in a small portable crib reaching and hitting Justin’s mother’s arm which is dangling inside seemingly for that exact purpose. Justin leans back precariously in a wooden chair on the other side of the crib obviously involved in the story he is retelling. Every so often the chair teeters as his arm movements threaten his balance. Trace completes the picture sprawled out in an outdoor couch one arm holding up his head, the other resting on his chest which shakes with his laughter.

This is why Kate knew that leaving was the right choice. Because all she had to offer Jonah with her was her. And even being his mother didn’t seem like enough. Here, with Justin, he has a family as mismatched and odd as it looks.

She reaches for the handle and as soon as the door begins to slide on its frame the noise on the porch stops. Necks crane to see who would be bold enough to interrupt. There are few people who would be tolerated and she’s not sure she makes that list.

When eyes meet hers, Trace is the only one who even attempts to be pleasant.

“Kate! We didn’t know you were going to stop by,” he says. Kate takes a deep breath and before she can gather her wits enough to meet Justin’s eyes he’s torn them away. Lyn doesn’t offer much more, but Kate doesn’t blame her. She’s eternally on Justin’s side, as she should be.

“Yeah, I just wanted to say goodbye.” She lets the words stretch out hoping the finality won’t be lost. Trace stands from his seat and stretches groaning as his muscle complain against the movement.

“Well shit. That came up faster than I thought it would,” he replies. He crosses the porch and gathers her in his arms. She wishes everyone on the porch would follow suit. Cause she is really lacking in the hug department.

“Take care of yourself and don’t get all swept away in some kind of Latin love affair,” Trace warns. Kate hadn’t thought a smile was possible with all this tension, but Trace always delivers.

“I’ll do what I can,” she offers. He pulls back and smiles at her before leaving the porch. Lyn stands next and stops briefly to rests her hand on Kate’s arm. The simple gesture is more than enough and the spot tingles long after Lyn has left.

Kate takes a deep breath and moves slowly from her spot to loom over the crib. She smiles down at her baby. He gazes up at her his head cocked to one side. One hand is holding his foot in his mouth and the other is reaching up to her. She doesn’t hesitate to life him up and out and cradle him against her chest.

He struggles against the restriction and she’s forced to return him to his crib. He immediately pulls himself to a sitting position and begins to make good use of the toys that surround him. Kate sinks in the chair that Lynn had previously occupied and turns to face Justin.

He’s leaned forward his elbows in his knees and his head in his hands. She knows that it’s taking a lot for him to simply stay where he is and she is grateful for the effort.

“He’s bigger.” She offers the comment as a peace offering or sorts. An opportunity to avoid what they should be talking about.

“Yeah well he’s a baby.” His staunch reply gives to room to continue along the safest path of words. Kate takes another deep breath and reaches into the crib to move a plush car closer to Jonah’s reach.

“Don’t do that. He’s learning to crawl so we put things a little further away so he’ll try,” Justin states. Kate pulls her hand away from the toy like it was on fire. A sting goes a long with the realization that she isn’t included in his ‘we’.

“I didn’t know,” Kate answers. Justin straightens for a moment only to slouch back down. His eyes leave the wooden deck and settle on Jonah. A small wistful smile covers his face and he leans forward resting his arms and weight on the edge of the crib. He makes a small clicking noise and Jonah cranes his head back to offer his father a one toothed grin.

“So you leave tomorrow huh?”

“Yeah. I’m on some kind of commuter flight with some of the other actors. Some kind of attempt to help us bond before the shooting starts,” Kate answers readily.

“You say that like you’re not excited,” Justin observes. His eyes remain on their son, but Kate feels a small sense of calm rush over her with his words. This is more than she had hoped for.

“I am. I mean it’s an amazing opportunity. I’m just nervous,” she admits. Justin’s head bobs shaking the crib a little which launches Jonah into a fit of giggles.

“Well hell. I think that’s the best I can do for now Kate. That’s all I can say without saying something really shitty,” he breathes. She nods at his words. At least he’s being honest.

“I understand. And I’m sorry for dropping in like this. I know you probably don’t give a care that I am leaving, but I wanted to say goodbye.” Justin raises his eyes to meet hers and she immediately recognizes the familiar bags under them. She feels smug for a moment knowing he finally has a small taste of what she went through for months.

Just as quickly it’s gone.

“Well good luck and all that shit,” Justin offers.

“Thanks.”

He stands and Jonah reaches his hands up to his father. Instead all he gets is a ruffle of his hair.

“I’ll let you have some time with Jonah. Just yell before you leave. It’s almost time for his nap,” Justin instructs. He shuffles off the porch without another word and Kate stares at the empty space he just vacated for awhile.

Jonah begins to fuss when he realizes that not only was he not picked up but the only person left isn’t paying attention to him. Kate sighs before reaching back into pull him out. This time she doesn’t try to cradle him like she did when he was younger, she lets him sit on her lap and that small action makes her eyes well up.

This is what she’s giving up. Seeing the transition from infant to little boy. She knew that two months was a long time when it came to a baby, it just didn’t hit her until now how long it could really be.

Laughter floats in from the still open glass door and Kate furrows her brows knowing that it would stop if she joined. She pulls Jonah back close to her body. He lets her keep her firm grip for a few moments before he squirms.

This was supposed to be the easy decision. The obvious right choice. But suddenly it feels less like she’s starting a new chapter in her life and more like she’s just written herself out of the main storyline.

Shouts from the other side of the chain link fence mix with Jonah’s cries as Justin struggles to balance his keys, wallet, notes for his meeting and the stroller he is currently wrestling with to open. Jonah hits a particularly high note and Justin look over apologetically. This shouldn’t be happening. When he thought out the whole situation there was a long list of people who were willing to help out when and if situations like this arose, but when he called around this morning looking to pick up a favor, the list became very short very fast.

Standing in the parking lot of his agents building and fighting with a piece of metal that somehow managed to cost more than his rims, Justin feels his frustration at the breaking point. Jonah’s cries begin to transition into hiccups the surest sign that he has also met his limit and the stroller finally licks into place.

The mixed laughter and gabs coming from the unwelcome audience on the other side of the fence aren’t helping. Justin reaches into the car to pull out his son and the voices are silenced, all vultures now hidden behind the lenses of overly enormous cameras trying to a get a good shot of the two together.

Using his body as a shield, Justin tries his best to get in the way of anything that would help these bastards live off of his child. Jonah’s cheeks are wet with tears and like so many times lately Justin feels like an inadequate father.

“Its ok bubba,” he soothes the baby. The cries slow down to broken sobs as the baby wipes his tears and snotty nose on his father’s shirt. A chubby thumb enters Jonah’s mouth and Justin lets out a heavy sigh.

It all sounded a lot easier in theory. Having Jonah full time has been anything but the uplifting experience Justin thought it would be. Not that he would ever consider not having him with him, but he just didn’t quite understand all Kate’s bitching until he became the sole parent.

The fact that Jonah is currently teething doesn’t help the situation in the least. Last night alone he woke up four times needing to be soothed and given a teething ring. It got to the point that Justin was resigned to put up the port-a-crib in the living room and camp out on the couch just waiting for the next wail.

Jonah’s eyes flutter a little and Justin takes the opportunity to lay him in his already reclines stroller. Not that Justin reclined it, that’s how it ended up and luckily for him it worked in his benefit. He pulls on the shield so that the only part of Jonah that is visible is his tiny sneakers.

The shouts get louder when Justin has to move along the fence to get inside. He grits his teeth as they press themselves against the metal a few even try reaching through.

“I swear to God if you all wake him there will be hell to pay,” he seethes. It was meant mostly for his own sanity and he wasn’t even sure any of them heard it. But then the leers and yells get a little louder and he realizes he should have just kept his mouth shut. Jonah’s own cries break through the noise and its all Justin can do to rush into the building and look for a little peace.

The secretary looks in disgust at the stroller and crying baby as he walks by. The same woman who was shoving her tits in his face a couple of months ago. He can see the nasty words forming on her tongue and then she sees him.

“Hey Sara. How have you been?” he asks. He’s sure to slather on the smile and accent just to make it that much clearer. She plasters on a smile, but can’t keep her eyes from darting back to the stroller. The cries get louder, but he’s determined to make her suck it up.

“It’s just great Mr. Timberlake. What can I do for you today?” she asks. The sarcasm it inching its way out in her words. Justin feels his heart constrict when he can hear Jonah’s tears. He grits his teeth and rolls the stroller towards the stiff couches in the corner while mumbling a response.

As soon as he sits he pushes the screen back and pulls Jonah out of the stroller. He can see Sara on the phone, probably bitching to someone else in the building about the ‘nerve of Justin Timberlake’.

He immediately begins the regimen of repeating commercials and rubbing his back in circles. It’s amazing what you can learn about your baby at two in the morning, Like the fact that Jonah loves the Mac vs. PC commercials. He’s in the middle of reciting the one about ‘cancel or allow’ when Stuart his agent enters the room.

“Justin Timberlake, say it ain’t so,” Stuart calls. His voice bounces of walls and jars Jonah back awake. It’s all Justin can do to not groan. Stuart stops and his group of minions stop dead in their tracks when they spot Justin’s entourage, or rather Jonah’s.

Justin side steps the stroller and holds Jonah to his chest with one arm.

“Stu! How are you man?” He extends his free hand and Stuart takes it a distance.

“I’m good. I didn’t know you were going to bring your kid with you today man. I planned a couple of conference calls to talk about some movie work,” Stu sighs. Justin shifts Jonah’s weight to the opposite side and struggles to call forward the confident business man he knows they were all hoping would come.

“Listen. I know it may have not been the most professional thing to do and I’m sorry about that. But he’s a good kid and I am here to work so lets get on with it,” Justin states. Stu nods before leading the way to a conference room. Justin rushes back to the stroller and struggles to get everything together before the group leaves his site.

“You need help?” Justin looks up at one of the minions, so young she’s probably an intern. He nods desperately before shoving the diaper bag at her. She takes the bag and then follows as Justin rushes past. Jonah continues to whimper in the stroller, arching his head back to reach for his father.

When they reach the room Justin looks desperately between his son and the waiting room of suits.

“They don’t really need me in there. If you want I could watch him out here?” Justin feels his chest tighten. This is everything he got all over Kate’s ass for. Letting someone he doesn’t know watch Jonah, but at this point he doesn’t feel he has much of a choice.

“Listen…..” he trails off waiting for her to interject her name.

“Jessica”

“Jessica, I don’t want this to sound harsh because I really appreciate the offer, but I need you to stay close to this window at all times, if I can’t see him, I’m coming out,” he warns. She nods earnestly and eases forward to take a hold of the stroller. Justin pulls away slowly, and keeps his eyes on the pair as he walks backwards into the room.

The meeting is a complete waste. Justin can’t keep his eyes off Jonah through the glass, who despite Jessica’s best efforts has not stopped crying. His agent is beyond angry at him, but he could fucking care less. They make it through one call before he’s at his wits end.

“This was a mistake. I’m not ready to get back into all of this yet. Just call me with any more offers,” Justin relents as he pushes himself back from the table. Most of the people in the room watch him open mouthed disbelieving, but he couldn’t care less what they all think.

He doesn’t wait for anyone to try to talk him into staying and when he opens the doors and hears the slow tired sobs, he feels utterly defeated. He reaches for the baby and Jessica hands him over willing.

“I’m sorry about this. I really do appreciate it,” he offers. She smiles slightly, but he can tell she’s frazzled. Jonah has that effect on people. Everyone except….as soon as the thought crosses his mind he pushes it out.

“It’s ok, but if you don’t mind me saying, maybe you should look into getting a nanny?” she presses. Justin’s shoulders slump. So much for pushing that thought from his mind. The fact that she was obviously so good with Jonah makes it harder to keep up his ‘I can do it alone front’. Mae. There he though it. She was fantastic with him and was becoming mildly amusing to have around towards the end.

“I don’t mind you saying. I do have a nanny. Today was just her day off,” he lies. She nods and hands him the diaper bag before scurrying off to the security and quiet of her desk job.

As if he can sense his own father’s exhaustion, Jonah’s eyes slip shut as he nestles himself into Justin’s chest. Justin hoists the bag up on this shoulder and pushes the stroller with his free hand. He avoids all goodbyes and smiles on the way out.

This defeat, even if only in his mind is huge. Luckily the crowd outside has died down and he gets Jonah into his seat without much eventfulness. When he shuts himself into the car he slumps against the leather interior. He glances down at the cell phone gripped in his hand and ponders who to call.

Normally the obvious choice would be his mother. Get some much needed support and sympathy, but she’s back in Tennessee headed up some kind of fundraiser and any support would only be verbal and he needs something more substantial right now. His finger graze the keys and for a fleeting moment he thinks of Kate. Kate who is filming in Fucking Mexico while he is quickly becoming a single father.

He lets his head roll back against the seat and holds down the 3 on speed dial. He pulls the phone harshly away from his ear when Trace’s ring back tone blares through the speakers. Worst idea ever in his opinion.

“Yeah?”

“Is that how you answering you phone now dickhead?” Justin asks. Trace laughs on the other end.

“Only when it’s you limp dick. What the hell do you want?” even though the words are harsh Justin couldn’t find more comfort in the bantering. Brings him back to center.

“Do you have Mae’s number?” He’s not surprised by the silence on the other line. He hasn’t exactly said the nicest things about the girl, even if they were mostly directed at Kate rather then Mae specifically.

“Why the hell would you want that? And more importantly why would I give it to you?” Trace demands. Justin hears a distinctive laugh in the background and almost swallows his gum.

“Holy fuck. You’re with her?” he gasps. Trace says something to her before answering and Justin feels himself go white. Why the hell this bothers him so much he doesn’t know.

“We were exploring the better parts of Huntington Beach. Now what do you want to talk to her about?” Justin turns on the car and immediately switches the AC on.

“I’m not going to do anything shitty, just put her on the phone,” he orders. There is a breif pause as the phone is passed.

“Hello?” Justin takes a deep breath. He can already feel the extra sleep this decision is going to bring him.

“Mae?” he asks.

“I would hope so,” she laughs. The sound when directed at him puts him at ease.

“Listen I know I was an ass about the whole firing deal I would completely understand if you had no desire to work for me again, but I was hoping, praying actually that you would consider coming back to work for me?” It all comes out in one poorly enunciated sentence, but its better that way. Like a band aid.

“You want me to be Jonah’s nanny again?” she clarifies.

“I swear to God I will double your pay if you could be at my place tomorrow. You can even live in the guest house if you want. My cousin just found her own place.” Another too fast sentence.

“As sad as it sounds I need the money, but I don’t know about the moving in thing,” she replies. Justin pumps his fist in the air in silent celebration. He wouldn’t dare risk waking Jonah.

“You are my fucking hero Mae.” She laughs at the comment.

“Just remember that tomorrow Justin.”

Justin flips the phone shut before Trace can get back on. Things are looking better already.

Mae rests her head on her clasped hands getting a better view of Jonah’s gurgling face. She realizes only slightly that laying on the floor on her stomach might not be the most adult or lady like position, but at this moment she is completely content to simply be taking part in a staring contest with one of her favorite people. Even if he can’t talk.

A popcorn kernel bounces off her butt and she twists her head around to glare at Trace. He’s sprawled across the couch pretending to be watching TV when in reality she knows he’s there to pester her. One of his favorite things to do.

“You having problems getting the popcorn from the bowl to your mouth slick?” she asks. Trace’s eyes dart over to her as he fights to maintain a neutral face. It’s completely futile. Mae can see the smile fighting its way onto his face at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh that? It slipped,” he answers simply. Mae rolls her eyes and then returns her attention to the more mature male in the room. Jonah rears up on all fours and rocks back and forth like he might take off like a rocket. Mae laughs when he begins to crawl towards her form reaching out a chubby hand to smack her forehead in what she likes to consider love.

If it’s possible she didn’t know how much she missed Jonah until her first day back. She was almost sure Justin wanted to shove her back out the front door when she teared up at the sight of the baby. In her defense he had lifted up his tiny arms at her like no time had passed and she was already emotion from receiving a visit from Aunt Flow.

Even though she hasn’t formally taken Justin up on his offer to move in, she sleeps in the guest house more nights than not and at this point most of her clothes are hanging in the cast closet she has no hopes of ever filling. Who wouldn’t want to be here all the time? Since she’s been back Justin has been beyond cordial and even bordering on friendly and Trace seems to always be around, always ready to jar with her or even just indulge in an entourage marathon.

In her mind they’ve begun to form a twisted abnormal family and she’s reveling in that.

Another kernel bounces of her foot and she simply ignores the plea for attention. Jonah has now made his way around her and is headed for the large CD tower he seems determined to pull on top of himself.

Mae reluctantly pushes herself off the floor and wraps her arms around the soft center of Jonah’s stomach just before his tiny hand can grasp at the tower. He emits a small grunt of frustration.

“You think you’re so sly Jones, but you’re not going to start in on mass destruction just yet. Save that for when you’re two or at least for when you’re alone with you daddy,” she instructs. Trace chuckles from the couch and Mae nestles her nose into Jonah’s neck causing him to squirm with a mixture of happiness and restlessness.

“I heard that.” Mae and Jonah’s heads turn as Justin’s voice breaks the moment. Immediately Jonah begins to squirm even more in Mae’s arms stretching his own arms out to his father.

“So this is what you do when I’m not here? Brainwash my kid into being rotten when I’m around?” Justin asks. Mae smiles unashamedly as Justin crosses the short distance between them to take the restless baby. Jonah’s fingers go right for Justin’s mouth, reaching in for some unknown prize inside. A chuckle overwhelms Mae as Justin softly nips at the unwelcome invasion.

“Actually I’m working on grooming him to be the anti-Justin but I save our especially rigorous and effective sessions for when I know you’re going to be gone all day,” Mae admits. Justin rolls his eyes unimpressed by the obvious lie. Trace groans as Mae lands on his legs. He glares at her before pulling his feet from underneath her.

“How did the meeting go? Trace asks once he’s rearranged himself. Justin settles into the empty couch and sets Jonah down on his blanket. He stretches his arms over the back of the couch and rolls his neck. Mae watches as Jonah immediately makes a beeline for the tower once again. She thinks about warning Justin, but instead sits back for a moment longer.

She actually likes the moments when the friends almost forget she’s in the room. Their familiar banter and ease make her feel like she belongs now rather than making her feel like an outsider. Her eyes rest on Justin’s face for a moment and the returning color. When she first came back he look roughed, and that’s putting it nicely. But slowly he was returning to his regular color and ease and she had noticed the changes and appreciated them.

A kernel hits her in the side of the face and instantly her eyes narrow. On her eyes path to give Trace his deserved death look, she takes in Jonah sitting on his haunches, the tower in his reach. One look over at Justin and his closed eyes lets Mae know that its going to be her save again.

She pulls the tiny body to her own just as he’s taken a grip on a Coldplay CD. The corner is already covered in a smattering of drool and Mae figures a little spit never hurt anything. With little thought she settles back down on the ground placing her own body between Jonah and his ultimate goal.

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you,” she sings softly. Jonah grins showing off his three teeth. The silence that has taken over the rest of the room is lost on her.

“And everything you do, yeah they were all yellow,” she continues. Jonah rests a hand on each of her knees and reaches for her moving lips. She scrunches her nose and leans closer to him so he can reach. When his fingers trace he mouth and press into her eyes she can’t fight off the smile.

She loves that children are so pure in everything they do, no alternate motives, or hidden agendas, just pure love.

“I came alone and wrote a song for you.” Mae smiles up at Justin as he continues the song. He obviously does it a little more justice, but she likes that he joins in rather than groans and moans like Trace. Than if on cue trace chucks a pillow in her direction.

“Spare us the serenade?” he teases. Mae cocks a singe eye brow at Trace’s request.

“And all the things you do, and it was called yellow,” she sings at the top of her lungs. She can hear Traces groans through the last bit mixed with Justin and Jonah’s laughter, which has begun to sound oddly alike.

“God I think a dieing cat has better pitch,” Trace adds. Mae glances towards the kitchen and remembers the lack of ice cream there in. She lifts Jonah off the floor and sits him in Justin’s lap before heading towards the front door.

Mae squints as the setting sun hits her eyes. Damn her cravings. But when you really want organic vanilla, what can you do? She’s nearly to her car when she can hear Trace jogging to catch up.

“Mae hold up,” he calls. Mae rests against her car and waits for him to ask her to something up for him as well.

“Listen I’m sorry about the cat shit, I didn’t mean it,” he breathes. Mae tilts her head to the side and tries to place what he’s talking about. Justin doesn’t have a cat and she wouldn’t be caught dead with one. Allergies and all.

“What the hell are you going on about?” she presses. Trace shoves his hands deep into his pockets and avoids eye contact. Mae leans over a little trying to force the eye contact.

“I don’t mind the singing I was just fucking with you,” he offers. Mae purses her lips and vaguely his words from the living room come back to her. She lets her head fall back as she laughs.

“You don’t have to apologize. I know I am awful, but for some reason that makes it more appealing,” she explains. Relief floods Trace’s face. Mae shakes her head as the last of the laughs escape her. She stopped being insulted about her singing when she was four and her grandmother gently explained to her that most people don’t send dogs running when they sing.

“I thought you were pissed.” Mae reaches back for the car door and rolls her eyes. She wishes he could get the energy it took him to run out here back.

“Oh please. You’d have to do a lot better than that to scare me off,” she laughs. She leans down to slide into the car, but is stopped by Trace’s hand on her arm. She pulls herself out of the motion to face him, but before she can question his gesture, he’s pressed him lips against hers.

Mae’s eyes stay open out of shock and when he pulls away its all she can do to keep her mouth from dropping open. She watches as his Adam’s apple bobs with his heavy swallow.

She knew that his gaze lingered a little longer that most people and that he has an especially high tolerance for her, but she had never put that together to equal, well what just happened.

“I have been trying to figure out how to do that for awhile,” he admits. At least it hasn’t made him shy. His hit eating grin is almost competing with the sun. Mae nods slowly.

“Ok then. You want any ice cream?” she asks as she slips into her car. Trace chuckles and leans down to look at her through the open window.

“Not really. So you’re going to avoid this?” he asks. Mae nods furiously as she starts the car. She isn’t really one to run from things, but she feels that she deserves at least a minute to process what just happened.

“Yep.” Trace nods and smacks the top of the car before heading back into the house. Mae reverses as fast as she can without doing serious damage to any of Justin’s landscaping. She keeps the windows down the breeze whipping at her face making it impossible to have any real serious thoughts.

Even though she knows she should head back to face whatever the hell that was, she can’t be hurried at the market. She takes her time going down each isle and indulging in things she normally prides herself on passing by.

The checkout lady clicks her tongue as she passes the most unhealthy items in the Whole Foods store by the scanner. Mae smiles overly sweetly at her. Sometimes you just have to indulge. As she drops the fudge cookies in the bag Mae fishes them out and open the bag to shove one in her mouth. If she’s going to be judges it might as well be for a good reason.

When she snidely thanks Mae for coming in, Mae takes great joy in giving her a toothy grin, the chocolate smeared across her teeth. The sun has long disappeared by the time she makes her way to the parking lot.

The driveway is empty when she gets back to the house and she’s a little worried that she might have caused damage to their fragile dysfunctional family. This thought alone drives her to the couch, ice cream in hand.

She reaches for the daunting universal remote Justin is so proud of and stares at the thing mystified. Usually when she has the desire to watch something Justin or Trace is around to take care of the technicalities. She presses button that she swears looks like a TV, but when the stereo blares to life, its all she can do to hold her hands over her ears and hope the noise will stop.

“Damn woman, you trying to make my neighbors hate me?” Justin asks. Mae tentatively takes her hands away from her ears and is pleasantly surprised that he turned the noise off before speaking.

“I wanted to watch TV,” she explains lamely. Justin raise a single eye brow before touching one button and summoning the TV to life. Mae glares at the remote like it was spiting her.

“Where did you head off to?” Justin asks from the couch behind her. Mae turns to find that he has already helped himself to her fudge cookies. It’s better that way. She should not be allowed to eat them all.

Mae falls back into the couch and pulls her carton of ice cream towards her. The room is dark except for the light of the TV and its casting a bluish glow in Justin’s face that almost makes him look innocent, almost.

The mindlessness of the TV settles in and Mae takes a deep breath. A little o Justin’s scent gets pulled into her lungs and it calms her a little. This is what she needed a little comfort, a little escape from reality.

If he strains his ears he can hear the slight rustlings and low vibrations of laughter that left him know that he is not alone in the house. But at this moment he is confined from joining them by his own personal punishment. His fingers tug at the soft material and attempt once more to form a decent knot.

“Damn,” Justin mutters as the knot once again doesn’t catch and the tie is left looking more like a scarf dangling from his neck. His teeth clench as his head drops. The last time he tied a tie was months ago when Kate dragged him to some premiere of a movie that he still can’t remember the name of. More recently certain things have seemed more important than being seen or looking good while doing so.

Slowly he raises his head once more determined to defeat the tie. He squints at his reflection as his fingers grasp the ends once more. He begins to mentally repeat the sequence his grandfather taught him so m any years ago.

“Across, under, over and pull. Shit that’s not it. Under, over, across and pull. God damnit,” he mutters to his own reflection. Absentmindedly his fists grasp for his head missing the hair that should be there to release a little frustration.

He would have given up a long time ago and called it a night in if it was just up to him, but it wasn’t. His dog walker/psychologist/yoga instructor had insisted on setting him up. She said something about his ‘chi’ being out of line since Kate. Sadly he had been in such a hurry to stop discussing his ‘chi’ that he agreed. Even worse she had remembered and now he was stuck battling with a fucking tie.

Growling as he pulls the tie from around his neck he lowers himself to the thought of trying to get some help. The dog walker was wrong. The last thing he needs in his life is a woman. Look where the last one got him. Not that Jonah was part of that insinuation, rather it left him in a mess of anxiety and stress.

It’s not until he reaches the bottom of the stairs that he notices the rain. The small trails of water making all the glass surfaces look like a dream sequence from a bad sitcom. He strains his ears trying to place the only other two people in the house and smiles when a high pitched squeal leads him to the back porch.

He slides the door open slowly and leans against the frame watching Mae and Jonah. She’s settled on the very edge of the porch, keeping their bodies from the moisture, but her legs stretch out into the storm. Every so often she holds out one of Jonah’s feet and when the drops hit his skin he giggles in a fit of wonderment.

All at once he doesn’t want to leave and not because a blind date sounds hellish, which it always does, but because he would rather be apart of this moment and whatever else will go on tonight. He knows it won’t be much more than an unintentional food fight that’s called dinner and a bath, but it doesn’t matter.

The only lingering strife between him and Mae is jealousy. Even though his work is nonexistent and he’s home most of the day, he can’t help but want to do nothing but be with Jonah. And the fact that Mae is, well it irritates him on his shitty days.

A crash of thunder vibrates the windows and turns Jonah’s giggles into cries. Mae immediately clutches him to her chest and moves away from the storm eager to get him inside. Her frantic pace slows when she sees Justin. He reaches out to her and she gives in to his wordless request transferring Jonah to his arms.

The baby immediately curls into his father’s chest, his small wet feet making his crisp white shirt transparent.

“It’s just thunder bubba,” he soothes him. Mae walks past and gently takes his arm guiding the pair inside. Justin keeps a firm arm around Jonah as he follows Mae through the house. Her toes catch on the ratty hem of her jeans and she almost eats it, but catches herself the last moment chuckling at her own clumsiness.

He doesn’t understand her fascination with torn up jeans and old t shirts, but sometimes envies the comfort she seems to have with her at all times. Like she carries it with her vicariously through her well worn clothing.

Suddenly his dress pants and button up seem confining and he fights the urge to go dig his sweats out of his hamper. The fact that he even has a hamper goes against everything he dreamt about his bachelorhood when he was a kid.

“Love, Reign o'er me. Rain on me, rain on me. Only love can bring the rain that makes you yearn to the sky. Only love can bring the rain that falls like tears from all high,” her voice is quiet and Justin wonders if she only makes it squeak and wail to irritate Trace.

He turns towards the living room and her voice fades as she enters the kitchen. The couch gives under his weight and Jonah leans back to stare at his father’s face now that he is convinces that all danger is gone. His tiny hands roam Justin’s face digging into his eye sockets and entering his slightly open mouth. Justin allows the exploration creating larger than life facial expressions just to coax a smile from his son.

A hiss leaves the kitchen letting Justin know that Mae has decided to make tea. The high pitched whistle brings him an odd sense of calm. His eyes slide closed as he pulls Jonah close to him and for a brief moment he lets himself that maybe this is all happening under much different circumstances.

That Kate wasn’t the mother and that maybe the girl in the next room is. The one who is utter devoted to his son and whose quirkiness adds up to just enough to make her endearing. And in this version of life there was no tabloid drama, hell maybe no fame at all. Just a small family with no particular appeal to anyone but themselves.

“Are you too manly for tea?” Mae’s voice breaks into his haze. He shakes off the unrealistic thoughts and lets Jonah squirm to the floor.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just insinuate that being manly means not liking tea,” he answers. Mae doesn’t respond and Justin glares back down at the piece of silk hanging from his neck silently cursing its existence.

“You all excited for your hot date?” Mae asks as she sets a hot cup in Justin’s hands. He hisses as the ceramic burns his finger tips. Mae opts for the floor rather than the couch as usual.

“Excited is not the word I would use. And let’s all pray to God that she’s at least something worth looking at or this is going to be a very long night,” he answers. Mae clicks her tongue at his before raising the cup to her lips. She laughs a little as Jonah rolls backwards in an attempt to climb her.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but there are actually worse things than your date being hard on the eyes. Like, I don’t know, they happen to be holding a void in the space that should house their brain,” she suggests. Justin chews over the thought. Sadly a few people come to mind instantly.

“Could we maybe not talk about all the ways this could suck?” he asks. Mae shrugs and scrunches her nose at Jonah. Watching them he is drawn to thoughts of Kate. The mother of his child who is currently thousands of miles away and thinking that a phone call a week suffices for contact with her son.

Justin rolls his neck to avoid diving to deep into negativity.

“So you going to tie that tie or were you planning on attempting to start a new fad tonight?” Justin rolls his eyes and shrugs.

“The damn thing won’t tie.” Mae lifts Jonah from the ground and sets him in his playpen before crossing the room to kneel in front of Justin. Her forehead furrows as she takes each end in hand.

“Do you even know how to do this?” Justin asks. Mae rolls her eyes but doesn’t take her hands from around his neck. She leans in a little further to push the knot towards his neck. Her finger tips graze the skin over his Adams’s apple and he can’t help but swallow hard.

She pulls away unaffected and assesses her work. Satisfied she pulls away.

“I do not claim to be a knot expert, but I think it will work,” she states. Justin runs his fingers over the tie and nods, grateful for the moment of, whatever the hell that was, to be over.

“You should add that to your resume, ‘can tie tie under pressure.” Mae laughs and moves back over to Jonah.

“But then the demand for my services would become too great and where the hell would that leave you?” she quips. Justin laughs grateful for the pass of tension. The glances at the clock on the wall and groans. Despite his attempts to make time stop so this moment didn’t come, he has to leave.

He lifts himself from the couch and begins to try to straighten his clothes before deciding that he really doesn’t give a shit.

“Sex bomb sex bomb you’re a sex bomb.” The ridiculous quality in her voice is back and Justin fights not to smile.

“Shut the hell up. Just cause I have plans with someone who can actually answer me,” he jabs.

“Eh. Overrated. Besides. Whose to say I don’t?”

“You have some torrid plans you want to share?” he presses.

“Like I’d ever give you the pleasure,” she replies.

“I’m hoping to high heaven that this doesn’t take longer than two hours so don’t be doing anything you wouldn’t want me to walk in on,” he warns.

“Whatever. Just leave.”

Justin wanders through the front portion of his house gathering his keys and wallet. He hesitates one last time before leaving, thinking it’s his last chance to bail. Mae’s voice from the living room doesn’t help push him out the door.

His car roars to life as his garage slowly opens. As he eases his car backwards he sees a familiar form in the driveway. As he eases by he rolls down his window and obnoxiously gawks at his friend.

“I know that’s what I said, but tonight isn’t going to work. Sure. I said that would work. No I’m not mad. I’ll take you to that Italian place you like. Ok. Fine. Bye babe,” Trace sighs.

Justin’s mind reels with the possibilities. Trace has always liked to keep his options open. It’s not abnormal for him to bring over three or four different girls in a week. But never one’s that Justin already knew.

He had thought, or maybe over thought that maybe something was up between Trace and Mae. All the playful biting comments and even what Mae just said inside.

“Where you off to?” Trace asks leaning inside the car. Justin licks his lips slowly. He doesn’t like the position this could put him in.

“Going out with that girl Traci set me up with,” he answers. Trace nods.

“Well have a good time. I’ll make sure Mae doesn’t burn the place down.” Trace slaps the side of the car for good measure as Justin continues to reverse. Once the house is out of sight he runs his tongue over the back of his teeth and tries to blame all worry on the fact that this life has become slow and he has created drama where there is none. Or at least he hopes so.

“Someone fix her hair. I can’t possibly shoot this scene without being able to see her eyes. Kathy, Missy, anyone?”

Kate stands helplessly in the center of the set waiting for someone to come and expertly brush her bangs out of her eyes. She learned quickly after the first week that her simply pushing them aside would not suffice for this director. You would think that if she could remember to not touch her hair he could at least try to remember her name. No such luck.

Kate shoots an apologetic look towards her costar who is making a big production of kicking the dust of his shoes to demonstrate his frustration with Kate’s uncooperative hair. Missy scurries over and uses a special brush to place Kate’s bangs before hitting her with a stream of hairspray that would paralyze a large bug.

“Thank you! Now we can get back to work. Everyone on mark and let’s try this again,” the director yells. Kate struggles to catch a breath of air not coated with chemicals and tries to mentally prepare herself for a self realization speech from her ‘brother’. At least his frustration melts off when he goes into character.

By the time the director is satisfied its been three hours of the same 20 minutes of dialogue that will most likely be cut down to 5 during editing, but that’s the beauty of movies. Everyone on set scurries to get everything put away from the day’s shooting and ready for the next. Kate sinks into a chair to the side of the chaos and simply rests.

There was never any illusion that movie making was fun or light or easy, but a full feature film with an actual budget is a far cry from anything she’s been in before. Her most accomplished role including screaming girl #3 in one of Wes Craven’s long list of horror movies. Everything on set is so frantic and every minute detail is scrutinized, like the placement of her bangs.

Her male co-star slouches by and Kate offers him a smile, but he looks towards the ground, his cell phone pressed harshly against his ear. She had hoped that she would be able to at least connect with someone on set. Another actor, but she’s not picky, even one of the food service girls would have worked at this point. She’s horribly lonely and everyone else seems to have a life at home that can’t go on without them.

Her life at home consists of a housekeeper that calls once a month to make sure she gets paid, parents who act surprised every time she calls and reminds them she’s filming out of the country and Justin and Jonah. The later not really being able to converse or express his feelings so she is forced to rely on Justin. Their calls haven’t been hostile, but he’s very direct about informing her of the news with Jonah and then allowing the baby to press the phone against his ear.

A little small talk wouldn’t kill him, she craves a little concern and attention, but isn’t finding it with Justin. It’s a highlight when Trace answers and actually wants to talk to her.

Lights begin to shut off and Kate reluctantly stands from the chair and begins to make her way towards the charter bus that will be taking everyone back to the hotel. She boards the bus and shuffles to her requisite spot towards the back.

She flips open her phone and scrolls down to the one name she feels she could call before snapping the phone back shut. It may seem loud on the bus, but she knows too many ears are trained for anything they could sell the tabloids for a few extra bucks.

She slides down in her seat and flips the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. The bus rumbles to life and she’s glad for the immediate departure. Sometimes they wait over an hour. The lights begin to whiz by and she focuses on the coastline.

At least she’s making a movie. Grated it is with a director who seems to forget he cast her and a cast who hasn’t accepted her into their folds, but it’s a fantastic movie and she can’t help but acknowledge that she is living out her dream. Even if it’s slightly different that she imagined it.

Her fantasies included some incredibly handsome male lead and a dramatic love story, but she is taking what she is given.

She doesn’t even realize that they had arrived till people are bumping her seat on their way out. Slowly she gathers her things and files off the bus offering a smile to the old man that drives them every day. He says something in Spanish and she nods a response hoping that suffices.

Somehow the lobby is empty when she enters, clear of any sign that anyone else rode with her on the bus. She takes her time making her way to the elevator enjoying the sound her shoes make on the marble floors.

As she waits for the elevator she leans against the wall and lets her eyes slide shut for a moment. A month. That’s how long she has called this hotel home. There is talk of getting a small break before the final three weeks of shooting, but that’s still at least three weeks away. Even then she’s not sure if she would actually go home.

She wants to see Jonah, but apart from that would rather rest than fly. Maybe she could convince Justin to bring him down here…

The elevator tings alerting her of its arrival and she shuffles on. The ride is smooth and quiet and when the doors open revealing her hallway she can hardly muster the energy to make it the final 100 yards.

When she finally makes it to her door she slides the electronic key in the slot. Her heavy sigh echoes in the empty hallway when the light flashes red rather than green. Her eyes squeeze shut and she leans heavily on the door before trying again, this time pulling the card painstakingly slowly from the slot. The green light flashes and she pushes her way into the room.

The dark room is musky from the outside humidity and she immediately reaches over to switch on the air. Without thinking her eyes wander to the phone and she gets a small rush when she sees the blinking red light. Her belongings are dropped to the floor as she heads for the phone grasping it in two hands as she cues up the messages.

Her face falls as she hears an automatic recording informing her that her call time has been moved forward an hour in the morning. She keeps the phone steadily gripped in her hand, her fingers hovering over the keys. Before she can give it too much thought she pushes the familiar combination of numbers and waits for the ring.

“Timberlake residence,” a cheery voices answers. Before Kate can even reply a ruckus arises in the back ground.

“Shut up Justin. Yes I answered that shitty way. No I don’t know who it is, let me ask. UGH. Sorry,” Kate swallows hard as she places the voice. She thought that Mae had been fired. Justin had insinuated as much and hadn’t told her any differently. She wants to be happy that she got her job back and that Jonah has someone she is comfortable with watching him, but something is irking her. She thought Justin hated Mae.

“It’s ok. Mae?” Kate asks really just to confirm her knowledge. More mumbling takes over and Kate contemplates just hanging up.

“Get AWAY from me,” Mae hisses softy to someone on her end of the phone.

“I am SO sorry. As I was saying, Timberlake residence,” Mae tried again with a slight chuckle to her tone. Kate can almost picture the house and the scene the mumbling she is hearing paints puts her off a little.

“It’s Kate Mae,” Kate repeats herself.

“Hey! How are you? How is the shoot going?” Mae asks. Kate smiles a little at Mae’s enthusiasm and is able to push the irk to the side.

“It’s been good. Long hours and hot as all get up, but really good.” Kate almost feels bad for lying, but she doesn’t want to go into any more detail.

“I can’t tell you how jealous I am I’ve wanted to go to Mexico since, well since that Beach Boys song all about beaches,” Mae replies. Kate chuckles because she knows she should. She can hear Justin talking and occasionally Jonah’s gurgling.

“You’ll have to make it down here sometime. Is Justin around?”

“Yeah, let me grab him,” Mae complies. Kate listens as Mae tries to cover the phone with her hand but fails for the most part.

“Justin get in here. No not because I told you because the phone is for you. Yes. No I’m not going to tell them to call you back. It’s Kate. Stop being an ass. Here.” The pieces Kate hears is almost enough for her to hang up again, but she sucks it up and waits.

“Hello.” His voice sounds different over the phone line, younger, less polished. It could just be the distance.

“Hey. I was just calling to check in.” Kate tries to hide any spite or anger in her voice, it’ll just make him hang up.

“Ok. Yeah. Well um, I don’t know if I have a lot to report. I mean I told you last week that Jonah has been trying to stand up and we’ve almost got him completely on solids….” Justin trails off. The word ‘we’ stands out in bold letters.

“We?” Kate urges. She can’t help herself.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I told you but Mae’s been helping me out a lot,” Justin offers. Kate nods her head as she lets out a heavy sigh.

“Like out of the goodness of her heart? Or did you hire her back?” she pushes. It’s bad enough that she’s missing out on Jonah, but to know another woman is there, seemingly taking her place. It has to be work.

“Well I pay her and all, but it has to be charity work dealing with me,” Justin chuckles, She can hear Mae’s voice ague, but can’t make out the words. Even at their best she and Justin were never like that. It was always so serious, so passionate, but never fun.

“I’m glad you’ve got help makes me feel better being down here and all,” Kate says.

“Yeah. So, how are things down there?” Justin asks. Kate swallows hard at the question. It’s the first time he’s asked and it actually sounded like he wanted to know.

“It’s good. Hard, but I think it’s turning out well,” she answers.

“Well after everything you went through to go down there I hope it fucking blows up,” he adds. The tears sting Kate’s eyes before she even realizes they’re there.

“I hope so too, but I don’t want to keep you. Can I get Jonah on the phone for a minute?”

“Yeah, lemme grab him. Come here bubba.”

Kate can hear the baby’s soft breathing and then the sound of the phone being overcome by his mouth. The tears streak down her cheeks and she wraps her free arm around her body.

“Hey J-bear. It’s mommy. You remember me right? I heard that you’re getting bigger. I thought I told you to stop that until I got home.”

Her soft pleading are met with the sounds of drool and babbles. She takes a shaky breath and tries to picture him, but the image she conjures seems old and worn out.

“Well I love you baby and I’ll talk to you soon.” She hangs up before Justin can get back on the line and hear her tears. The bed makes no noise as she falls back onto it. Her hand fumbles for the remote eager to have anything cover up the obvious silence. The loud Spanish dialogue does the trick perfectly and she throws an arm over her wet eyes.

This is what it’s all about. Making sacrifices to make your dreams come true. It’s supposed to be hard and then be worth it, but at that moment all she wants is for it to all be over. She wants to be the one laughing on the other end of the phone and she can’t deal with the fact that they’ve found a stand in.

Her breathing finally slows and she props herself up against the pillows. There’s nothing can be done from thousands of miles away.

There’s no logical reason for her to feel uncomfortable. The sofa she’s sitting on is perfectly broken in, giving where it should and still holding her in place. She can’t even use the excuse that she’s in Justin’s house. The hostility has long thawed and she spends more of her time, even her free time, here than at her own apartment. Which she blames on the fact that the AC is still broken.

A commercial settles in on the TV and she takes the opportunity to pull herself out of her rut on the couch which has sunken her uncomfortably close to a warm body next to her. She pulls herself as far into the corner as she can and sighs a little when she doesn’t slide back into the hole his body is creating.

If he complains she has a good excuse. In the corner she is much closer to the baby monitor in case Jonah wakes up. Not that that is likely to happen. He’s been sleeping through the nights for at least two months now.

The room darkens as the show comes back on. Mae cowers in the darkness and tries to slow her racing heart. This is ridiculous. She’s not thirteen and this is not the first boy she’s maybe possibly cuddled with on a couch. Granted she is in her bosses house and the thought of him bursting through the door unannounced at any moment like he has a right to makes her feel strangely guilty.

“So why didn’t you go out with Justin tonight?” she asks. The conversation is an olive branch of sorts trying to make up for the obvious move away from him. He doesn’t turn to look at her, keeping his gaze on the screen.

“I told him I had other plans,” Trace answers simply. Mae nods although his eyes don’t receive the motion.

“And he actually let that fly?” Mae pushes. Justin isn’t exactly the kind of person you so no to. Mae tried to tell him that she couldn’t go with him to take Jonah to the doctor last week and he almost pitched a fit. Makes Mae wonder why she pretends to be in school at all anymore.

“He knew they were important plans. Besides he gets it. Sometimes you gotta hang with a girl,” he replies. A small flutter bursts to life in the pit of Mae’s stomach and it causes a wave of nausea. She wonders if Justin knew that she was the girl.

“While we’re on this talking kick, why don’t you scoot your ass back over here. I’m sure as hell not carrying any diseases you can catch so no need for the safety space,” he commands. The light tone to his voice is meant to ease her nerves, but it just rouses them back up again. Mae glances over at the monitor next to her.

“I can hear the monitor better over here,” she argues feebly. The commercials start back up and Mae is at the mercy of Trace’s full attention.

“You and I both know that thing is not cemented to that table. Bring it with you. Hell, the more the merrier,” he says. Mae pulls the monitor firmly to her chest before unfolding her legs from beneath her and moving back into the crevice created by his weight.

Immediately the heavy weight of his arm is on her shoulder and she sinks a little trying to avoid the touch. Not that this is a surprise to her. After the kiss she was pretty damn sure that Trace was interested, she was just kind of hoping that maybe he would change his mind. Obviously that’s not the case.

She’s always had this nasty habit of being awkward in relationships. What comes so easily and naturally to other people is forced for her. When do you kiss the other person? How the hell do you know when its time to have sex? And where are you supposed to put your hands when you’re spooning? Things she’s never sorted out.

Trace sinks down to match her slump and she can feel his breath on her collar bone. She swallows a nervous yelp when his mouth brushes her ear lightly. Her head involuntarily twitches to the opposite side and he chuckles.

“Why are you so damn jittery Mae? It makes me think you’ve never fooled around with anyone before.” Every word bounces off her skin and succeeds in making the pit in her stomach even larger. Something about the term ‘fooling around’ doesn’t sit well with her. Makes her feel like a clumsy handed 14 year old rather than a 25 year old woman.

“Is that what we’re doing here?” she asks. Her voice comes out steady rather then broken like her nerves. She had avoided this moment. The moment were solid things that couldn’t be denied were said. Not implied or eluded to or even physically shown. But to have those words out there to confirm all the thoughts swirling around in her head terrified her more than a little.

“See and I thought by kissing you I was opening up all kinds of doors. Instead it feels like I shut them all instead,” he replies with a sigh. His breath leaves her skin and she revels in the cool that surrounds her. But with the temperature changes also comes the eminent ‘talk’.

Mae chews on the inside of her lip as she thinks of all the ways to explain how bad she is at intimacy. Not that she doesn’t like it. She just sucks at it. There isn’t even a direct objection to Trace. He’s a nice enough person. Obviously doesn’t like her singing, but that can’t be held against him.

The words gather in her mind like a small army ready to march from her mouth and then his phone rings. Mae revels in the ability to put off the conversation a little longer and tried to get wrapped up in the TV.

“Yeah?” his voices comes out agitated.

“Oh hey. No I thought you stood me up. You little tease. I was just sulking it out.” Mae can’t place an emotion to the words coming from his mouth. He’s obviously not angry anymore, but does this mean….

“Well get your ass in gear girl the night is young! I’ll pick you up in 15. You better be ready.” He flips his phone shut and begins the quick process of gathering all the remnants of his scattered around the room.

Mae knows her mouth is hanging open, but she can’t help it. Her mind is busy with too many other things to tell her mouth to close. She assumed that his plans were with her.

“Sorry. Kelly finally called so I gotta go. Maybe next time you’ll let me hold your hand,” he chuckles. He adds a wink for good measure and Mae feels her lost confidence well inside of her. She raises from her slumped position and smirks at him.

“Promiscuous boy. Let's get to the point. Cause we're on a roll. You ready?” She makes a concentrated effort to sing the lyrics as horribly as possible.

“Later Idol,” Trace calls as he leaves. Now that he’s gone the room seems stale. The volume on the TV too low and the couch too large. She struggles for a moment to try and fix the situation on her own, taking different positions on the couch and adjusting the volume again and again. No dice.

Finally she stands from the couch stretching her arms over her head and balancing on her tip toes. She purses her lips as she assesses her options. A small rustling crackles over the monitor and Mae makes her way towards her favorite room in the house.

She pauses at the doorway and takes special care to open in slowly and without noise. The small nightlight Justin insists be left on at all times casts a warm glow over the room. Mae thinks he was scared of the dark as a child, maybe even a little still. The recliner in the corner calls her name and her muscles relax as she settles into it.

The sound of her deep inhaling and exhaling ripples through the room, but Jonah doesn’t stir. Slowly she pulls the magazine from the nightstand and begins to read about the new black this season, which is apparently green.

Sadly she gets so involved in the fashion update she doesn’t realize someone is in the house until she can hear the heavy footsteps on the stairs. Her breath catches in her throat as she considers the possibilities. There are really only three. Trace, not the best option at this moment as she it still uncertain of what to make of the flummoxed couch hook up, Justin’s mother, not a terrifying option, but she still hasn’t completely warmed to Mae. In fact she still quizzes her regularly over her baby knowledge. And then that leaves Justin.

She hopes it’s the later. It’s the only option that seems appealing. The bursts open and Mae looks towards Jonah hoping he doesn’t wake. He may finally sleep through the night, but if he wakes up he will demand stimulation and at 11 p.m. doesn’t seem like a good option.

Justin stumbles through the door and Mae can smell the alcohol immediately. The sour stench makes her draw her head back and she goes to the crib, trying to block Jonah from the same fate.

“Justin. What the hell are you doing?” she hisses. With Jonah asleep the no swearing rule goes out the window. Apparently along with Justin’s common sense.

“Mae? I just wanted to kiss the little guy goodnight,” he slurs. The smell becomes even stronger when he opens his mouth. He steps forward and Mae clutches the crib behind her.

“Are you crazy? How much did you drink?” she answers. Justin rolls his eyes and trips on his own feet. Mae reaches out and tries to catch him, but his dead weight does nothing, but brings her down with him. They land on the floor in a mess of arms and legs.

“You idiot,” Mae snarls. Justin smiles up at her and then begins to laugh. It starts low and slow and then builds to a level that shakes his entire body. Mae turns her gaze toe the crib where Jonah begins to squirm under his blanket. His head pops up and when his sleepy eyes fall on his father, his face breaks out into a grin.

Mae groans as Jonah grasps the bars of the crib and pulls himself to a standing position. When he reaches the top he holds his hands over the bars. Small grunts let Mae know that he wants down. She pulls him from the crib and holds him to her chest, but he squirms from her reach and when placed on the floor crawls straight to his father.

By this time Justin has calmed a little. When his son reaches his leg Justin looses him sense of humor and pulls the small boy to him. Mae watches as Jonah curls into Justin’s chest and that simple action sobers his father.

Before Mae can scold Justin again, tears stream down his face. She leans back resting on her haunches.

“Justin?” she eases. He doesn’t look up, but tightens his grip around the baby and begins to rock slowly. He leans down to press him lips to the baby’s head occasionally, but doesn’t break the slow motion.

“What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t be the fucking father I should and I can’t go back to being the Justin everyone wants me to be.” His words are soft and pleading. Mae opens her mouth to respond then just as quickly snaps it shut.

“I just want people to leave me alone. Leave Jonah alone.” Mae nods and eases her way towards the rocking pair.

“What happened?” Mae asks. She’s close enough now to touch him, but doesn’t invade their bubble just yet.

“They wanted me to do lines. I mean, I know I used to be into that shit, but I can’t do that now. I have to, fuck I don’t know, grow up? If not for me than for Jonah. But that wasn’t a good enough reason for them. They ragged on me until I couldn’t take it. I fucking left before the DJ even took the stage. I never do that,” he grumbles.

She can’t be held back anymore. Her arms wrap around him and in turn Jonah. The motion slows and then stops as she holds on.

“You can’t be young forever Peter Pan,” she whispers. Justin chuckles roughly. She presses her lips into the side of his forehead and he sighs under her touch. She feels his body lax and begins to reach for Jonah.

“I’m going to take him to bed with me tonight,” Justin argues. Mae nods and tries to help stabilize his weight as he stands.

“You know, not to be mean, but a lot of people you hang out with are idiots,” Mar offers. Justin chuckles as he makes his way down the hall.

“Lately that consists mostly of you and Trace, What does that say about you?” he challenges.

“I can’t say much for Trace, but as for me…it says your taste has improved considerably.” She turns to head down the stairs and can hear his chuckle bouncing through the empty house as she settles back into the couch.

She won’t leave them tonight. They might need her and she wants to be there in case they do. She switches on the TV and stares mindlessly at the Law and Order rerun. AS she eyes slips closed she’s tempted to head back upstairs and join them. The simple thought shocks her.

As per her luck it was be the wrong time and unwarranted. If only she knew how wrong she was.

Every floorboard seems to be in on an elaborate plot against her. She steps lightly trying to avoid the spots she knows will groan under her weight, but she’s taking all the wrong steps. Each misplaced foot results in a small squeak or crack that to her might as well be a fog horn. When she reaches the desired door she leans forward and pressed her ear against it straining to hear any noise on the other side.

Satisfied that the older of the two people on the other side is still mostly comatose she pushed the door open slowly and smiles when it compiles with her silent pleas not to make a noise. The carpet makes for much quieter walking and when she makes it to the side of the bed she pauses for a moment in her haste.

She hadn’t really thought about it being a breech of privacy to come this far without him knowing, but now being so close that it’s almost useless to turn back she takes in a slow breath and takes the scene in front of her in.

Justin’s long body is curled around the much smaller body of his son, creating a human cage of sorts. His eyes are shut solidly, determined not to let a little thing like daylight break his slumber. Jonah on the other hand has long abandoned sleep. As Mae’s face comes into view the baby grins and waves his arms wildly at her signifying his need to be picked up.

Mae smiles and reaches carefully into Justin’s body to pull Jonah away. When the tiny mass is pulled from its position Justin shifts suddenly and Mae winces waiting for him to wake completely.

He throws a heavy arm over his face, but doesn’t move any further. Mae lets her breath exhale slowly and widens her eyes at Jonah who giggles in response. She quickly leaves the room not waiting for a repeat performance. As soon as the door is closed behind them Mae lets out an exaggerated breath blowing a raspberry on Jonah’s neck in the process.

“That was a close call Jones,” she whispers. The baby babbles in response.

***

The first thing Justin notices when his eyes begin to flutter open is that he’s alone in his bed. Unlike so many times in past years where the previous occupant having left before he work being a welcome surprise, Justin is suddenly wide awake with fear. Panic clenches his chest as he sits up straight and begins to feel around under the comforter. Not finding what he’s looking for he pushes his body over the side of his bed, his head dangling over the edge peering under the bed.

The beat of his heart is so strong it’s pounding in his ears and vibrating his chest. His hands go to his hair tugging on the short strands there. Taking a deep breath he tries to recall the night’s events looking for that missing piece where he took Jonah back to his room or he handed him over to another adult.

And then its hits him. Mae. Justin falls back against his pillow his hand clutched over his chest. He glances over at the clock ad groans. Noon. Its been a long time since he’s slept so late. Since, well since Jonah moved in.

Justin bursts from his room, completely uncaring that the only thing clinging to his body are his black boxer briefs. His bare feet obnoxiously grip at the wood floor making his journey seem longer.

The door to Jonah’s room is open and the smell of baby lotion soothes him before he even passes the threshold. The empty room dampens his spirits a little and as he turns to continue his search he hears it.

“He’s in love with Janie Jones, but he don’t like his boring job, no….”

Justin turns on his heels as the familiar voice flutters into the room. Mae enters the room with Jonah wrapped in a hooded towel in her arms. Her lips are near his ear and the baby is kicking and giggle with every word she sings.

Justin leans back against the railing of the crib and catches Mae’s eye as she lays Jonah down.

“Daddy isn’t feeling well Jones. That’s what responsible adults call a hangover,” she says the baby. Justin rolls his eyes at her back.

“You could have told me you were going to take him this morning,” he chides. Mae doesn’t turn to face him, instead she focusing on pulling a tiny t-shirt over Jonah’s head. The baby squirms and squeals in protest.

“Considering you were comatose I didn’t really think it would have made a difference,” Mae states. She turns with the now dresses baby in her arms and passes him off to Justin.

“And it would really help if you could put on some clothes before we have any kind of conversation,” she adds. Justin glances down at his body and is grateful for Jonah as some kind of cover. He can feel his cheeks burning as Mae brushes by him on the way out of the room. He balances Jonah like a football on his arm and retreats to his room.

Dropping Jonah onto his closet floor, he scrambles to pull on a t-shirt and shorts.

“Bubba, you’re supposed to tell me before you leave. This can be your first lecture. You can’t just leave your old man and not tell him, ages me early. And you don’t want me looking like an old punk do you?”

The baby gazes up at his father and blows a couple of spit bubbles.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Justin replies. He scoops him back up and winds his way back through the house.

“Mae!” he calls. Jonah tries to mimic the noise, but produces only a grunt.

“If you’re dressed I’m in the kitchen. If not I’m on the front lawn,” she yells back. Justin chuckles and follows the sound of her voice.

“I’m going to tell you now Bubba that all women are a hell of a lot more trouble then they seem,” he informs the baby. As he enters the kitchen he slides Jonah into his seat and walks up behind Mae peering over her shoulder.

She’s mixing some kind of batter furiously. Before he can even attempt to guess what it is the oven buzzer goes off and she rushes to it. Justin hoists himself onto the counter and watches as Mae carefully pulls a tray of muffins from the over. He begins to reach for one when his hand is snapped by a dish towel.

“Owww,” he whines. Mae doesn’t even stop long enough to acknowledge his pain. She’s already pushed another tray into the oven and has settled down in front of Jonah ready to feed him.

“If you wanted me to wait until they cooled you could have just fucking said that,” he complains.

“First off, Don’t say fuck in front of Jonah. Second, those are for my Nana,” she replies. Justin mouths the name she just muttered hoping the action will bring something to mind.

“Your Nana?” he repeats. Mae moves the baby spoon around in a circular motion as it nears Jonah’s mouth.

“Remember last week when you and Trace were having a Wii golf tournament?” she urges. Justin bites down on his lower lip and pulls up the memory. Even if the game is deceptively realistic there had to be a fatal flaw because Trace had kicked his ass.

“Yes.” He doesn’t quite follow her train of thought but he plays along anyways.

“And I asked you if it would be ok if my Nana came by this week to meet Jonah?” she prompts. This is where he draws a blank. He remembers the game, remembers Trace’s gloating and remembers Mae pestering him about something, but that’s the extent of his memory.

“I don’t remember you asking that.”

“I asked if she could come by and you said that as long as I quit talking and let you focus on getting your birdie you didn’t care if the Queen of England stopped by.” Instantly the light inside Justin’s head goes off. It was the 11th fairway and he was inches from knocking off two strokes.

“Well hell. That’s today then?” There really isn’t any point arguing. Who is he to turn some little old lady away?

“Yeah, she’ll be here in like half an hour,” Mae answers. Justin watches her eyes light up and feels guilty that he’s never seen that in her before. Has working for him been that hellish?

“Do you need me to leave?” he asks. It takes her to long to answer for his liking. He hadn’t realized before this point how much weight he places on Mae and the fact that he doesn’t see her as an employee, but a member of the family.

“Stay. I’m sure Nana will have all kinds of questions for you,” she replies. The thought of being grilled by Mae’s grandmother makes his stomach sink. He seriously considers getting a fake call into the studio to avoid it.

“I don’t want to crash your family time,” he argues. She finally meets his eyes and the smile on her face makes him stumble a little.

“Seriously stay,” she requests. He nods wordlessly and eases his way from the kitchen. His feet take on a life of their own and before he knows it he finds himself back in his bedroom. The chair he falls into slides backwards with the full impact of his weight.

It shouldn’t have this effect on him. He’s just her employer and her grandmother probably wants to question the main that makes her life hell. Not that he tries to make her life hell but there have definitely been moments, especially in the beginning, where he could have been nicer, more friendly. But he hadn’t know than that…. His mind pauses at the statement unsure where it might lead him.

The sound of the doorbell echoing through the house saves him from taking that path. He stand slowly and decides to take him time coming down. Give them a little time before he shows up.

As he rounds the corner to the living room he halts in his progression. He can see Mae’s face, animated and smiling and he can see the tback of what he can only assume is her ‘Nana’. This is what stopped him. He’s not entirely sure what he was expecting, but even from that back he can tell he was dead wrong.

His own grandmother is a very matronly person. Wears a lot of sweaters and these huge glasses that define her status as an old woman. Mae’s grandmother is wearing Levi’s and what he thinks may be a Juicy Couture hoodie. Not that he would ever admit to being able to spot one. Her short grey hair is spiked all over her head and the giant carpet bag hung on her arm looks eerily like one Kate has.

“Justin! Come meet Nana,” Mae calls when she spots him. He tries to stand up a little taller and summon his most respectful smile. It seems like the safest bet. The old woman turns to meet him, her smile matching Mae’s. She pulls him into her arms and chuckles at his awkwardness.

“Good Lord boy ease up would you. I thought Maebelle here told me you were laid back.” Her voice contains no soothing twang or softness.

“I usually am Mam.” The answer seems acceptable. The old woman looks at Mae aghast.

“Look at the manners on this one!” Mae chuckles softly and switches Jonah from one hip to the other.

“I think you make him a little nervous,” Mae offers. Justin’s eyes widen as the truth is told.

“Hell boy I haven’t made a man nervous in at least 10 years and I think that’s being generous,” she replies heartily. She falls into the sofa behind her and reaches for Jonah. Justin watches, frozen, as the woman softens considerably as she beings to tell Jonah a fairy tale he’s never heard. It involves trolls and ducks and a man named Bob.

The baby watches her expressions and hand gestures with a curious gaze, laughing whenever she uses appropriate sound effects. Before Justin can stop himself he’s settling on the edge of the couch listening in. He turns to gage Mae’s reaction only to find her gone.

There’s a slight rustle from the kitchen so he heads that way. He leans against the doorframe and watches as Mae delicately pulls each muffin from the pan and arranges it on a plate.

“Your Nana is a little different than what I expected,” he states. Mae turns towards his voice and offers him a warm smile. She wipes her hands on the front of her jeans and assesses her work.

“She’s a special lady. And this is her at 70. I wish you could have seen her 15 years ago,” she chuckles. Justin eases forward hoping not to break the conversation they have going. Mae’s never spoken to him about anything remotely personal.

“So you two are close then?” he asks. Mae nods her head a little before cocking it to one side and focusing her gaze on a spot on the wall just above Justin’s shoulder.

“It kind of happens that way when it’s just the two of you,” she breathes.

“Do you all live together?” Mae chuckles a little and shakes herself out of her momentary daze.

“It was just my and her growing up. My mom, well she was the last of the hippies and having a child didn’t really fit with her lifestyle.” Justin marvels at how she says this with no bitterness no remorse. If anything it carries a wistful tone like her mother was Grace Kelly or something.

“What about your dad?” he presses. Mae purses her lips in thought at the question.

“Well here’s the thing with that, my mom was never quite sure who my father was. She has it narrowed down to a lama farmer in Idaho or the drummer from a Led Zeppelin cover band. Personally I’ve always hoped it was the drummer. Can’t really see me living on a lama farm,” she trails off. Justin fights to keep his mouth from dropping.

“Regardless. It was just me and Nana growing up. Best childhood a girl could ask for. She took me on regular trips to the thrift shop and taught me who the Beatles were,” Mae grins.

“Didn’t you ever miss having a normal family?” The words slip out before he can make them more PC. Instead of getting angry Mae laughs.

“Normal is relative. Besides you of all people should know that it’s not blood that makes a family,” she answers. She tosses him a muffin on her way out of the room and he stands rotating it his hands in the now empty kitchen.

The laughter from the next room beckons him and he shoves a piece of muffin in his mouth feeling better about the life he’s trying to give him son than he ever has before.

She stares up at the door in front of her frozen by insecurity. It is a familiar sight, a solid wood stained darker to give it a warmer, firmer look and yet in this moment it seems as if she is looking at it for the first time.

It was probably due to the voices that the door was failing to mask inside. The deep rumbles of laughter that belong to someone that at one point she thought she might be able to love. But the piece that really kept her rooted in her place is the final two voices. Barely murmurs through the thick wood, but unrecognizable at best.

The first being a constant drum of babbling that she can only imagine is her son. A tiny person who in her more recent memories had hardly begun to gurgle, now had a voice as it were. And the melodic twang of a voice that she recognizes to be Mae’s, but had changed in tone since she had left.

She fights the urge to let the voices drive her back towards the driveway were the cab she took from the airport has long since left. It was a losing battle that she is almost too tired to even consider waging.

She had decided not to come back for the break, rather stay in Mexico and in character to try to find a little relaxation that had eluded her since the beginning of filming. But when she had called to break the news to what she was sure would have been a less than caring Justin, she had instead been led to a new voice recording. The words still hang in her mind.

‘You’ve reached the Timberlake residence home to the Timberlake men and other people who aren’t worth mentioning.’

His tone was light and Mae’s protests could be heard throughout. And it was that message that prompted her to buy a ticket. The simple action giving her an energy she thought had been sucked out of her by day after day of repetition and false emotion.

Things had slowly been getting better on set. One of her younger costars having finally warmed to her one night when she admitted that she had always had a crush on Justin. Although Kate is only five years older then her she felt that distance between then widen as they grew closer and her new friend talked mostly of sneaking into night clubs and the difference between Latin and American men.

Kate had nodded her agreement not knowing the right words and even more not wanting to do anything to endanger the delicate thing that is a new friendship. Eventually this first friendship gave her entrance into a club that she had been staring wistfully into since arriving. She finally felt like one of them. And yet it made her feel no more wanted here.

A deep breath shakes her body as she finally releases the vice like grip she has on her bags letting them fall unglamorously to the ground.

“Kate?” The voice brakes her staring contest with the doorbell and she turns to face the one person she was sure would be happy to see her. She takes a small amount of courage from his smile and open arms.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Trace asks into her hair. She doesn’t answer immediately burying her face in his shirt.

Finally he pulls her away so he can look in her eyes.

“I thought you had another month of filming. Did something go wrong?” he presses. Kate shakes her head and breathes in a little fleeting confidence.

“We got a break and I thought it was time for me to come home for a bit,” she offers. Trace nods his head in silent agreement and drapes an arm around her shoulder pulling her to him and guiding her to the door in one fluid movement. Her bags are left to fend for themselves and she hopes that they will fare better then their owner.

Trace pushes aside the door like it wasn’t the physical and mental barrier that had kept her outside for the better part of an hour. She’s not sure if she’s making it up, but the whole house feels different.

For so long Justin had prided himself on the fact that despite the feminine touches made by his mother, his home remained a sanctuary for the bachelor. But as Kate is pulled through the winding hallways she can feel a softness that didn’t exist there before. It could be the various baby objects littered throughout or it could be something else.

“I am disappointed. I thought you would at least come back with a kick ass tan girl,” Trace teases as the voices grow gradually clearer. She allows herself a small chuckle, but it does nothing to lessen her anxiety.

“That’s what happens when you spend most days on a set rather than in the sun, but we have night shoots coming up so I’ll see what I can do,” she replies. She can feel her body bob along with the motion of his head.

As they round the final corner that serves as the barrier between her and the scene she has created in her mind she can’t help but tense. There’s a sense of urgency to get the moment over with and a sense of curiosity that matches it.

“Look who I found!” The words fill the room robbing the previous conversation of its importance. Kate’s eyes fixate on the group on the floor. The large screen that she has only seen display sports and action movies is consumed by a cartoon and the plush couches remain empty.

They lay facing each other on the floor Jonah between them. Kate guesses that before she entered they both had smiles on their faces because their bodies speak of an ease and fondness that she craves.

Almost as quickly as she reads it the comfort leaves Justin as he forces himself up from the ground. Mae remains on the floor, her attention mostly on Jonah, but allowing herself quick fleeting glances at the other people in the room.

Kate swallows fiercely trying to bury the growing contempt and jealousy she can feel mounting.

“What are you doing here?” Justin asks calmly. She almost wants a little anger, something more intense that she can feed off of and eventually turn back on him. Trace releases her shoulders and moves around her to lean against the back of the couch. At least he doesn’t leave.

“We got a short break and I wanted to see Jonah,” she answers simply. She can see a familiar blaze in Justin’s eyes as he raises an eye brow. She knows what comes next. Some biting remark about her being an absent mother and an argument that you can’t be a parent only when it’s convenient.

She braces herself for the words she knows he has waiting, but they never come. Instead his eyes slide closed and he forces himself to take a few deep breaths. Kate feels robbed of the confrontation and the familiarity.

When he opens his eyes he glances over at Mae who offers him a smile before he looks back to Kate.

“I’m going to head up to my room. I’d prefer if you didn’t take him home, but you’re welcome to stay here,” he states. The words are welcoming but the tone is forced and cold. She nods as he leaves the room.

Trace clears his throat bringing Kate back from her fog. She smiles weakly at him as he pushes himself off the couch.

“I was just dropping by to borrow a movie. Kelly wants a chick flick and you know Justin has that secret stash,” he informs her. Another nod. Her eyes fixate on a small discoloration on the wall across from her and she hears Trace shuffle through movies and Mae’s singing voice breaking in only to be scolded by Trace, but it all seems far away.

Trace presses his hand into her shoulder as he leaves and the touch jolts her back to reality. She smiles at him and then opens her eyes wide trying to shake herself from her state.

“So how is the food down there?” Mae asks. Kate had almost forgotten she was in the room. Her legs take her almost thoughtlessly to the other side of the couch. She sinks into the leather before she can even register that she has moved. Mae has pulled herself to a sitting position, Jonah nestled between her crossed legs. He has taken to the tear in her jeans with fascination, plucking at the loose strings and trying to shove his entire hand in the hole.

Kate takes Mae in and wonders how two people who are so different could end up in the same space. Granted she had been the one to bring them back together, but in relative terms it seemed unlikely.

For a moment Mae transforms before her eyes into the girl Kate remembers from prep school. Her blonde hair was messier then, constantly forced into a pony tail of some kind and glasses that seemed too large for her face had hidden her from any real examination. She had been a face in the crowd then. Someone who Kate only really noticed because she was constantly raising her hand in their psychology class.

Kate blinks a few times and Mae retains her current form, a smile still stretched across her face, eagerly awaiting Kate’s answer. She swallows sending moisture to her dry throat.

“I really have only really eaten off the food services table which is sadly the same no matter where you film,” Kate answers. Mae purses her lips.

“Well at least you don’t have to worry about Montezuma’s Revenge,” she quips. Kate chuckles a little in spite of herself. She reaches her hands out to Mae and she obliges, passing Jonah over to his mother.

Jonah resists the change, still clinging to the strings of Mae’s jeans. When he finally lets go and is seated facing his mother he gazes up at her with confusion. Kate looks hard for the recognition or admiration she had once seen in his eyes, but it’s nowhere to be found.

He strains backwards and reaches to Mae, but Mae carefully moves herself out of his reach and gaze. Kate is grateful for the gesture as she tries to control her son’s movements. Jonah only pulls away even more turning until he can see Mae once more and reaching his arms out to her and uttering the one thing that completely breaks Kate’s heart.

“Muh.”

It could be a grunt or just a noise that he knows how to make, but there’s something about the pleading in his small voice as it breaks through. Like it’s the only thing he knows will be understood. Mae immediately covers her mouth with her hand, but doesn’t look shocked at the word.

Justin had said that Jonah was starting to make noises, even let on that he might be starting to talk, but Kate never imagined that this was the result.

She twists Jonah in her arms and leaves the room leaving Mae alone. She tears her way up the stairs gripping Jonah to her chest. He’s heavier than she remembers and it’s a struggle not to drop him as he squirms in her arms. She throws open Justin’s bedroom door and her breaths come out ragged from the journey. His eyes slide lazily over to the pair.

She crosses the room to his bed where he’s reclined and flipping through channels. Jonah finally wins the battle and falls the short distance to the bed before scurrying to his father.

“Da.”

The second word brings tears to her eyes. The bitter sharp kind that make her feel that keeping her eyes open might be the end of her. Justin accepts the baby into the crook of his arm, but watches Kate with interest. The tears run over her cheeks silently, but she makes no move to wipe them away.

“How could you do this to me?” she finally sobs. The shock on Justin’s face can’t be hidden. His entire body pulls back in confusion and she receives a little comfort in that he doesn’t slump in guilt.

This is what her worst fears were. This was the reason she came home, to disprove those every fears and yet she found them to be worse than she imagined.

“Excuse me?” Justin says. He fumbles to mute the television and Kate feels her eyes dry up, no more moisture to draw from.

“You think you can just push me out of my son’s life? Bring someone in to replace me and pretend I never existed?” she demands. The confusion on his face only thickens.

“Push you out? You fucking left without any help from me. That was YOUR decision,” he argues. He glances down at Jonah as his voice raises but the baby is busy with the toy car on the bed.

“Give it a rest Justin, you can’t sit there and act like you’re the innocent party here. You couldn’t wait to get me out of here. Get rid of me so you could bring in a better mother for Jonah,” she sobs. She didn’t know there were any left, but as the words fall from her mouth they are wetted with her tears.

“Are you talking about Mae?” Justin balks. Kate wants to rolls her eyes, but they’re too heavy with tears.

“You know I’m talking about her. Her and the perfect little family you have here without me.” Justin shakes his head in disbelief.

“Listen. If you have some kind of fucking built up guilt about leaving and all that shit, I don’t blame you, but you can’t come in here and start accusing me of trying to make the best of a shitty situation. Besides, you’re the one that brought Mae into this. YOU hired her,” he reminds her. Kate shakes her head violently. He can’t argue his way out of this. It was so clear, so evident.

“I hired her, but you’re the one who’s fucking her.” The words taste dirty as she spits them out. Justin’s eyes widen and he glances at Jonah like maybe the baby understood.

“You really are fucking crazy. I am NOT sleeping with Mae. Where the hell do you get off say all this shit?” he demands. Kate’s heart rate slows a little, but her resolve remains firm. A bitter laugh rises from inside of her and she falls into a sitting position on the bed as it breaks out of her.

“God you are so dense. You don’t even know how into her you are do you?” she asks. Justin keeps his steady gaze on her unsure of what she might do next.

“Wrong again sweet cheeks. There is nothing going on between Mae and me,” he clarifies. Kate rolls her eyes with ease now that they are rid of the tears. She may be wrong about a lot of things, but it’s not hard to see when a man you’ve dated looks at another woman in THAT way. Like she’s made of glass and gold all at the same time.

“And that’s where YOU are wrong. I knew it before I even saw it for myself. I could hear it in the way you said her name, the way you interacted with her. And in some self mutilating way I needed to see it for myself,” she says. All other emotion has flowed out of her and she feels empty and alone once again.

She waits for the protest she knows Justin wants to offer, but his open mouth offers none. She can see his mind reeling and she feels bad for an instant. Just as quickly it passes. She wishes she never came back. That this all could have been speculation and not reality.

“You’re wrong.” The words should be strong and steady, but they are laced with a shakiness that can only be identified as doubt. Kate shakes her head slowly pushing herself up on the bed.

“I should have been ready for this, I mean I worked so hard to push you away. It was only a matter of time until someone else took advantage of that,” she sighs. Justin’s eyes are locked on the bed spread. Kate reaches out to touch him, but pulls back before she makes contact. Even she isn’t ready for that.

“She’s just the nanny,” he stammers.

“Keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll believe it. I don’t.” Kate feels her eye lids drop as the day catches up to her. A long flight and then this. To come home only to find that she had been replaced. Suddenly she just wants her baby near.

“Kate, I…..” Justin tries. Kate shakes her head brokenly and pulls the now sleeping baby towards her.

“I’m going to take him to the guest room with me. I’ll have Mae bring in the port-a-crib,” she states. She leaves him still trying to gain mental footing.

With Jonah finally asleep the warmth of his body brings her a little comfort. Under all the pain and remorse she knows that Justin is right. She made this decision. If anyone is to blame it’s her. Even as she tells herself this, she can feel the fire of resentment ebbing. And along with it the resolve to get her place back, no matter what it took.

The slow gentle hum of the airplane should be putting Mae to sleep. There is almost no noise on the private plane and she can’t blame her restlessness on crying babies or the man behind her digging his knee into her back. The only child on the plane is sleeping fitfully to her left and there aren’t enough people to warrant anyone sitting within four rows of her.

Her arms tingle from the lack of moment and she wants nothing more than to get up and stretch her stiff joints. But one arm is laced precariously through the top of Jonah’s car seat her thumb clutched tightly between the baby’s fist and her other arm is held in place by the heavy body using her right side as a pillow.

She assumed that Justin would take a separate row, hell even a separate section, there is more than enough room on the plane for them not to even interact, but as soon as she settled herself and Jonah down he was at the top of the row staring at her expectantly. As he eased by her to the empty window seat she tried her best not to breathe to deeply, just in case his cologne did in fact have some sort of intoxicating effect.

Now with his head resting on her shoulder she can’t quite place when it all took a turn. When it stopped being Justin vs. Mae and starting being, grey. Everything with Justin is in the unknown zone.

“Do you need anything?”

Mae turns as best she can to face the steward and offers him a smile. His eyes dart between her and Justin and she can see the assumptions forming in his head. She toys with the idea of arguing the silent words, but that might wake either of her wards, so she stays silent. Satisfied with her meek nod the steward moves to the back of the plane where he’ll wait another 30 min before asking her the same question again.

The plane lurches slightly letting Mae know that their destination is nearing. She pictures her mismatched baggage under the plane. The original plan was for Justin to take a quick two day trip to New York and to have Mae tag team Jonah with Justin’s mother. Then two days turned to five and suddenly Mae was recruited to take a trip she was more than happy to be left out of.

She rolls her right shoulder slightly hoping the movement will do what she is reluctant to let her voice do. Justin’s head moves with the roll shifting from her shoulder to resting just above her breast. Mae suppresses a groan and leans her head against the back of the seat. That was not the reaction she was hoping for.

Her eyes wander towards the water balanced in the cup holder between them. It’s not the nicest option, but it works. With a flick of her writs she sends the cold contents flying all over Justin’s lap. It takes all of ten seconds for Justin to awake and leaping from his seat grasping for anything to calm the spreading liquid.

“Holy Shit,” he hisses, his voice still laced with sleep. Mae curls her numb arm towards her body and leans against Jonah’s car seat. The steward lurches forward, eager to help after hours of boredom. Mae covers her mouth in horror as he reaches forward and begins to pat down Justin’s crotch. Justin freezes and just stares in disbelief.

“Dude? Do you fucking mind?” he asks. The steward pulls his hand back and retreats to his corner. Mae feels the laughter building inside of her until she can’t hold it in any longer. It bursts from her mouth and pulls Justin’s eyes towards her.

“Laugh it up. Karma is a bitch,” he states. Mae knows that it is supposed to sound menacing, but it’s tainted by the laughter he’s trying to hold back. He jumps around a little forcing any remaining water from his body before settling back into his seat.

As he reaches across to rebuckle his seat belt his fingers brush the tiny spot of bare skin where Mae’s t-shirt has ridden up. Mae feels the spot heat up until the tiny touch and tries to pull herself even further away from him. The last thing she needs is for this situation to turn from grey to red.

The plane touches the ground and Mae can’t get off the plane fast enough. Just the opportunity to stretch her legs is enough to make her run down the jet way. She holds Jonah firmly to her chest, the discarded car seat forgotten.

The waiting car door is already open and Mae slips inside ready to leave the plane and any tingling sensations felt on it behind, whether caused by numbing or not. The car seat is pushed in after her and she busies herself with strapping it in knowing full well that Justin will redo her work once he gets inside. The parade of people entering slows and Mae waits for the main event to appear.

Mae feels her breath slowly ease out of her body when Justin enters the car his cell phone already presses against his ear. He reaches across her to situate the seat to his liking and she gratefully moves out of the way and looks over to one of the nameless faces that seem to follow wherever Justin goes. She offers the pixyish woman a smile to which the woman sneers back. Maybe not.

With Justin taking on full Jonah duties Mae is left with nothing to do, but angle her body towards the window and watch one of the worlds biggest cities whirl by. She can vaguely hear the chatter in the car increase as people come out of their coma from flying. They seem more than happy to let her remain in her excluded state.

She has only been to New York once more. Her mother had this brilliant idea to fly her out to meet her ‘father’. Being fourteen and wanting to have that complete self identity that can only come from knowing both your parents drove her to a state of excitement that bordered on obsession. She spent weeks picking the perfect outfit that would show her musician father that she was the hip daughter he never knew he wanted.

Unfortunately, her mother failed to mention that he had no idea they were coming and after waiting four hours in the pouring rain for him to appear, they were met with a wet hand slap and nothing more than a passing glance as he made his way from the venue to his VW van. Her first reaction was to cry, to scream and yell and make every injured pieve of her heart known. But in the end, she had turned her face up to the sky and spun in the rain. And that was the end of her daddy fantasy.

The car slows in front of a building so tall that Mae can’t see the top. She remains in the car as everyone follows Justin out, careful to follow Justin’s request that Jonah be separated from the craze that surrounds him as much as possible. The driver informs her that they will be pulling around the back and Mae nods her response even though she knows he’ll do whatever he was told regardless of her opinion.

She moves carefully back towards Jonah’s car seat and when the car makes a sudden turn she tumbles to the ground. The laughter follows immediately causing Jonah to laugh as well.

The driver pulls the door open and simply stares at Mae on the floor of the car.

“You ok Miss?” he asks. Mae nods, but keeps laughing as she unstraps Jonah from his seat and climbs out of the car. She pushes her sunglasses up further on her nose and balances Jonah on her hip as she’s led to the back door. Maintenance workers and cleaning ladies scurry to get out of her way as she makes her way back to the guest area of the hotel.

She can hear several people whispering trying to figure out who she is to be given the star’s entrance. Not that it seems like any kind of special treatment to Mae. It’s unglamorous and the air is filled with the stench of cleaning solutions. She presses Jonah into her shirt hoping he doesn’t inhale too much of it all.

The elevator they are led to looks like it has seen one to many run away carts, but she waits patiently for it to open. The doors slid open and the red and good interior present itself and like a under wrapped gift.

The large man behind her reaches in to press a button, but then back away.

“Someone will be waiting for you at the top.” Mae tries to thank him before the doors close, but he is gone from sight before she has the chance.

“Well Jones this is a little different from home isn’t it?” she asks the baby. He stares back up at her with wide eyes. He utters a little gibberish before she pulls the hat off his head. She ruffles his blonde hair and places a kiss on his moist head.

“This is why we are not New York people. Its too damn sticky here,” she informs him. The doors slide open once more and Mae grins at the familiar face.

“I thought you would send one of your ‘people’ to find us,” Mae teases. Justin rolls his eyes and takes Jonah from her arms.

“Like you would know the difference between my people and any other shit head who had the sense to be waiting by the elevator to open,” he scoffs. His long strides force Mae to a run-walk to keep up. It’s Justin’s new favorite topic, Mae’s lack of awareness when it comes to the ‘real world’. As far as Mae is concerned, Justin’s idea of the real world has ‘seven strangers stuck in a house….’

Justin pauses at his door and talks to the body guard at the door before pushing it open. Mae smiles at the only person in Justin’s entourage she actually recognizes. She barely has time to sit down before Justin is being pushed out the door as his publicist barks directions to him. He glances back at Mae apologetically before he disappears.

The search begins for her things. She manages to find Jonah’s diaper bag and her carry on, but her bags are nowhere to be found. Jonah babbles from his place in his port-a-crib and Mae begins to mix him a bottle. She shakes the bottles as she approaches him, leaning over the edge and offering it to his outstretched hands. He’s beyond the point of needing her to hold it for him and it makes Mae a little sad.

His eyes being to droop and Mae reclines against the end of the couch and resigns herself to letting her eyes close just for a moment. When she hears Jonah moving around, the sun has moved low in the sky. Mae takes a moment to roll her neck before she reaches down to pull Jonah from the crib.

The window calls to her and she leans close enough to the glass to make her stomach drop a little from the height. Over the tops of the building a tiny patch of green calls out to her and she makes her way around the room quickly finding everything they need to leave.

Leaving the hotel is a much better experience than entering. No one stares or whispers and when the doorman fails to hold the door open it makes her feel giddy rather than snubbed.

She pulls her hat low over her eyes as they walk. The simple act of walking and being away from the hotel and the hype brings Mae back to center. It almost makes her forget about the plane and everything that had been picking at the back of her mind….almost.

The park is crowded, but peaceful and as she carries Jonah back, she only partially wishes that she remembered a stroller. AS she nears the hotel she can see and hear the crowd from a block away.

The obvious reasons filter through her mind: a convention checking in, some kind of car wreck or maybe even a hotel evacuation. She pushes closer to the door easing past the crowd. She pushes her shoulder forward, forcing a hole.

“Excuse me,” she pleads. A man with a camera wheels around to see who she thinks she is and his face lights up.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Timberlake’s new fuck buddy and his kid,” his voice is just loud enough to draw attention and instantly the crowd has turned on her. And just now Mae realizes that everyone has a camera.

Her heart skips a beat as the flashes begin and so many voices yell her name that she can’t even distinguish one from another. She tries to move forward, but she’s stuck. Sensing her anxiety and the loud voices, Jonah begins to cry. Mae can feel the matching tears welling up in her own eyes.

A strong hand takes her arm as the voices get even louder. She can’t see the face attached to the hand, but she recognizes his smell. When they make it to the door, the previously unhelpful doorman ushers them inside the lobby. Justin leads them to a couch before heading back outside to offer a few choice words to the men and women outside. Mae can’t hear him, but she can see his face and the reaction and knows that it can’t be good.

When he comes back in his face is steeled and he takes her by the arm once more. Once inside the elevator he takes Jonah from her and inspects his small body. The baby has only just stopped crying and he secures himself to his father’s body.

“What the hell were you thinking Mae? Do you have any fucking idea what could have happened to the two of you?” Justin seethes. Mae bites down on her lip, but doesn’t shy away.

“I just wanted to get away from all this. I didn’t know…”

“That’s right. You DON’T know. I can’t fucking believe you would…. Holy shit Mae,” Justin states. The elevator rises painfully slowly and when the floor nears, Mae opens her mouth to try to fix this, but he speaks first.

“You can’t do shit like that. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you two,” he whispers before storming down the hall. The doors recluse behind him as Mae watches his retreating form. That wasn’t what he was supposed to say.

“So let’s just get right to the point. I mean why beat around the proverbial bush? Has the rug rat gotten in the way of the Timberlake love train?”

The laughter echoes off the walls of the small booth. Justin forces forward a smile and a chuckle to satisfy the listeners that won’t be able to appreciate the visual exertion. All too soon the laughter trails off and Justin is left to answer the question that the idiots were ballsy enough to ask.

He clears his throat a few times and reaches for the bottled water supplied. It’s not what he requested, but at this moment he could really care less. This was the exact reason he didn’t want to go on this mini media tour. His fatherhood is still too new to be made into humor by a bunch of dickwads who wouldn’t know a baby from their own naked ass.

But the suits were nervous. It had been too long since anyone had actually heard from him, his last record was still fairly recent, but they felt that a quick trip to New York along with a few key stops would satisfy them for the remainder of the year he had requested.

Sadly Justin had accepted before he could really think it through completely. Had he had the foresight to do that, this exact moment would have played out in his head. The business is predictable enough for that.

“You know how it goes. It’s just another car added on; the train is still going strong.”

Somehow he even manages a chuckle in the midst of the sentence. The DJ’s offer a few cat calls in response and it seems that the little white lie has sufficed. Satisfied with probing into his love life the conversation wanders towards the music and things that Justin could answer in his sleep.

Without needing his head to answer, his thoughts wander. He just might be in the longest dry streak he’s had since being transformed into a man at the ripe age of 14. It would be a lie to say that he isn’t actively aware of that fact.

More than anything he would like to base his current fascination with Mae on this fact. It makes him feel safe, even if he knows it’s really not true.

When the time finally came to pull the earphones off, Justin could feel every ounce of their weight being lifted. One interview piled on top of another, he wasn’t even sure that it had happened in the same day.

Hands slapped and unenthusiastic promises to party the next time he was on town exchanged. His hand tingles from the contact as he reaches for the door. The air outside the studio seems fresher, but it could be the lack of kiss ass in the air. Several people flock to his side spouting off new variations of his schedule and other requests he couldn’t give two shits about.

The only thing his mind focuses on is the fact that he hasn’t seen Jonah all day. He was wrangled out of bed before he would even dare waking him and hadn’t been allowed to sneak back during lunch like he planned.

Just the simple thought causes a chain reaction that results in a dull thumping that accompanies his heartbeat. He rubs a hand over the afflicted area, but it does nothing to dull the ache.

“There’s a new club down on 54th that’s offering you $150,000 if you can come down and make like you’re having the time of your life.”

Its only one of a slew of requests, but it’s the only one that actually makes it through his haze. A small domino effect occurs as he stops in his tracks.

“No.”

Several people looks between themselves wondering exactly who he’s talking to. Justin’s fists clench several times before grasping his head.

“I don’t care who the hell is counting on my support and I don’t give a fuck how much money anyone is offering. I don’t want anything on my schedule for the next 24 hours. Call who you have to, lie, do whatever the fuck you have to do, but DO NOT come near me until tomorrow night.”

Justin watches the wide eyes and can almost see his words rattling through their minds. Several nods follow a significant silence and that’s enough for him to feel that he can continue.

He slams the car door behind him before anyone can attempt to slither in after him. He begins the process of pulling all his mobile devices from his pockets and shutting them off one by one. A few are already ringing when he hits power. The slide along the leather beside him and he sneers at the number. Four. Who the hell needs four phones?

The car slows as the hotel nears. A few lingering photographers ready their lens and Justin wants to groan.

“Can you take me around back?” he asks. The driver nods and pulls away from the curb. Justin sinks back into the seat grateful for the few extra moments of silence. Long after the car has stopped he keeps his gaze of the upholstered ceiling rather than moving.

The driver clears his throat softly and Justin breaks his stare.

“Do you want me to take you around the block again sir?” he asks.

“No, I’m fine.” He opens the door without waiting for the driver to take care of the chore. His hands go instinctively to his pockets as he makes his way through the damp corridors towards the service elevator.

For a brief seconds he’s tempted to trail his hand along the hotel wall as he makes his way the final feet to his door. The ground seems to be pulling at his feet with each step keeping from his final destination. When he reaches his door he leans his forehead against the cool wood for a moment relishing in the small victory.

Even through the famed thick doors he can hear the TV on the other side. The thought of the people on the other side brings a smile to his face. He reaches into his pocket to retrieve his key and pushes the door open in a hurry.

Everything that isn’t directly attached to his body is dropped in the entry as he makes his way to the living room. Cheesy horror music flows from the room and he’s sad to admit that he recognizes it.

“Not really what I would call the pinnacle of movie making, but everyone has to start somewhere,” Mae states. Justin leans against the doorframe and watches the familiar scene flash across the screen. Kate’s first movie wasn’t a blockbuster to say the least and she only appeared in the first fifteen minutes.

His eyes wander away from the screen and towards the pair seated on the floor. Mae would completely ignore the luxury leather couches behind her and opt for the floor. She’s seated cross-legged on the floor, Jonah resting snuggly in the space between her legs.

“And……there she is Jones. Do you see Mommy? The blood kind of makes it hard, but that’s her.” She points a finger towards the screen and Justin is surprised to see Jonah’s gaze follow her finger. Just before blood begins to spurt from Kate’s character’s throat Mae switches off the TV.

“Well there’s no need to see all that,” Mae mutters. She pulls Jonah from her lap and helps him stand. Justin feels his chest clench. She pulls away slowly and Justin feels bad for being glad when Jonah quickly land on his padded butt. There are still a few things he wants to be a part of.

“Da!” Justin cringes as Jonah gives him away. Mae’s head turns to meet his reluctant smile.

“I always knew you had stalker like tendencies. And now the baby proves it,” Mae quips. She releases her grip on Jonah and lets him cross the distance to Justin. Settling back on his haunches Justin holds out his hands and waits for his son.

When Jonah pauses half way to reach a small hand up to rub his eye, Justin crosses the remaining space and pulls him to his chest.

“I was hoping you would get home before he went to bed. I figured you probably wanted to see him, so I might have kept him up just a little,” Mae admits. Jonah wraps a chubby arm around his father’s neck and Justin can’t even remember anything else that happened today. All he can feel is his son in his arms and all he can see is the woman smiling up at him from a blanket on the floor.

“Thank you.” The words are small and horse, but Mae nods so he thinks that she hears them. He turns towards his bedroom and leaves the lights off. The consistent rise and fall of Jonah’s chest tells him that he’s close to sleep. The mattress doesn’t give under Justin’s weight as he settles into it. He kicks off his shoes and leans back against the pillows.

He keeps a steady hand on Jonah’s back and lets his eyes slide closed. He’s halfway across a pond made up completely of orange jello when his eyes snap open. The red numbers on the clock next to him inform him he was asleep for two hours. A soft singing from the next room washes over him.

Carefully he rises from the bed and lays Jonah in his crib. The steps he takes towards the door are slow, partially because he is going in reverse and partially because he doesn’t want to hit any unknown squeaks.

When the door is shut noise free behind him he takes in the room before him. Mae is on her hands and knees glaring at something underneath an armchair. This doesn’t stop her from continuing to quietly sing a Joni Mitchell song he can’t quite place.

“What are you looking for?” His sudden question causes Mae to rise quickly hitting her head on a side table. A small ‘ow’ escapes her lips before she settles against the back of the couch rubbing the sore spot. Justin stops the chuckles after only a few seconds and slides down on the floor next to her.

“I hope whatever it is its worth the pain,” he states. Mae narrows her eyes at him, keeping her hand over the bump on her head.

“You do realize that you are the cause for the pain and NOT Jonah’s missing bottle?” Mae asks. Justin shrugs and attempts to lift her hand and inspect the wound. Mae presses even harder to resist and winces under the pressure.

“Sorry sorry. I was trying to help,” Justin says holding his offending hands up for her to see.

“Ok that so didn’t help. Maybe you could look for the bottle and keep away from my head?” Mae suggests. Justin ignores the bite to her tone and takes a visual survey of the room before moving towards the TV chest.

He stretches his body out on the floor and reaches his hand underneath. When his hand meets the familiar shape he smiles. Something goes his way for the first time today. He holds the half full bottle up over his head before he even stands.

“Of course the first place you look. From now on when I lose something, I’m going to call you,” Mae laughs. Justin tosses the bottle towards her without looking and it isn’t until the repeat of the ‘ow’ that he thinks twice.

He bites his lip when he sees her other hand over her mouth.

“Good Lord Mae I am so fucking sorry. Are you ok?” he asks as he approaches her. Her eyes warn him off, but she doesn’t reply. When he kneels next to her she tries to position her body away from him, but he turns her shoulders towards him.

“Just let me get a look at it Mae,” he orders. She remains still, but resists a little as he pulls her hand away from her mouth. Her top lip is split ever so slightly. Justin leans in close to her to get a better look.

Her breath hits his cheek as he examines the wound, the slight scent of licorice surrounding him. His fingers move without thought touching just below the cut. The softness surprises him a little. She sighs a little, the scent becoming a little more apparent.

His eyes flutter up to hers only briefly before he lets his lips settle where his finger previously was. The pressure is light, he manages to remember that her lips is cut, but its contact none the less.

And then he waits. Waits with his lips on hers for her to do anything, push him away, reciprocate, scream, anything. But she remains still, softly breathing her licorice breath into him like a lifeline.

Just before he pulls away she leans into the contact ever so slightly. She gives him just enough to know that she is responding before she pulls away.

“You threw a bottle at me,” she whispers, once clear of his lips. Justin shakes his head as he pulls away.

“That’s all you have to say?” he quizzes. Mae’s uninjured side of her mouth curls into a smile.

“Don’t do it again.”

Justin opens his mouth to spout off another reply when she presses her lips firmly against his. So much for denial.

Her foot shakes against the couch cushion. A pillow falls to the floor as she shifts suddenly drawing the anxious foot under her body. Unconsciously her gaze drifts back towards the kitchen and her mind goes even further, resting on the object on the counter. The very thing she is trying to avoid.

Sighing she grabs for the remote and switches on the television, another futile attempt to distract herself. As E!News blares to life she curses her roommates affinity for all things celebrity. She hesitates both hoping to see his face and wishing to avoid it a little longer.

She turns the television back off and falls back into the couch. This marks the first time since she was rehired that she hasn’t seen Jonah in more than two days. But then New York happened.

If it had just been the kiss, the single toe curling kiss, then maybe she could let it pass as a moment of weakness, a simple unavoidable curiosity. But, it wasn’t just the kiss. There were other kisses. So many in those few short days that she doesn’t think she could document them all. Add to that the innumerable brushes of his fingers against the back of her neck, warm breaths against her cheek. But something was seriously lacking from all that. Something that would change her very anxiety at that moment. Words.

Nothing was explained, or even voiced. It was unspoken that if either wanted to kiss the other they would, that if the need was felt to grasp a hand or lean protectively that it was allowed. But all talk remained centered on safe things. The weather, the trip and mostly what Jonah was doing.

It was easy in those moments for her to pretend that they were a small family that there was no guilt involved in what they were doing. But in the back of her mind there was always Kate. And not Kate now. Not glamorous breaking star Kate, but gawky teenage Kate. The one that Mae remembered from school and the one that seemed justified in the pained look in her eyes.

Mae presses the heels of her hands into her eyes trying to erase the persistent image. The lesser of the demons wins out and she bursts from the living room into the kitchen. Her hands grip the counter on either side of the offending object and she just stares at the cover.

She tells herself that it’s only Star magazine and so far from journalistic truth that most people disregard it completely. But a whole different portion of the population will see it in the aisle at the grocery store and lining newsstands and that makes her feel just a little violated.

You can’t even really see her in the picture. The focus in obviously Justin and his body blocks most of hers, but his hand is reached back grasping hers as the other guides the stroller. They didn’t ever get a shot of Jonah, thank God. But the headline is big and cold and names her as Justin’s new love interest. And more than being wrong or scaring her, it makes her wonder.

With a quick movement of her hand the counter is clear and the magazine is in the trash. She leans forward on the counter and wishes there were someone she wanted to call. There are people she could call, but only one she really wants to.

Her grandmother tops her list of obvious people to call, but she hasn’t been liberal enough with information on the situation for her to really be able to give advice. A close second is Trace. Trace. She reaches for her phone and flips it over in her hands a few times toying with the idea in her mind. She would call him if it were anyone else. That only leaves the source. The one person who could clear the fog in her mind and yet the last on her list.

The glass in the windows rattles as the thunder announces the start of a storm. The noise pushes her into action. She grasps for her keys on the table and heads towards the front door before common sense can tell her not to. The sky is grey and the lighting suits her mood perfectly. She can taste the rain in the air and she silently wishes for a little of its cleansing power to work its magic on her.

Her feet barely seem to touch the stairs as she rushes down them towards her car, managing to slide into the driver’s seat just as the first few drops splatter on her windshield. The freeway is a blur through her water streaked windshield and traffic shudders along at a painfully slow pace. Rush hour. There should have been enough foresight involved to notice that it was five o’clock, but foresight has nothing to do with what she is currently doing.

She rests her chin on top of the steering wheel and loses her thoughts in the swishing of the wipers. Instantly the memory of the feel of Justin’s lips on hers makes the hair on her arms stand on end.

How could she not realize she was this far into it until she was lost? Somehow in her expertise of denial and optimism she forced all thoughts of Justin as anything more than a friendly employer to the back of her mind and heart until he reached inside of her and plastered them on her sleeve. She wants to be angry at him for doing this without a sound. For successfully transforming her from a professional into a gooey mess like it was his profession.

A small smirk covers her face at the thought. It is his job of sorts. She was never into boy bands in her teens, being too involved in mourning the fact that she was born after Lennon’s death, but for the first time she relates to those screaming girls that filled arena’s in the 90’s, hell who still fill them today.

Horns blare behind her and she is made suddenly aware of the gap between her and the car in front of her. A red car jerks past her and she can see the prominent middle finger through the streaked windows.

She weaves through the remaining traffic letting her fingers tap on the steering wheel to a beat created by the rain on the roof.

“Come again another day….”

The words come out in a singsong whisper, but the familiar pleasure brings a little ease to her journey. She loses herself in a self made concoction of the nursery rhyme and before she has time to slow it, she’s parked in the familiar space that seems to await her car.

She forces a deep breath into her lungs before open the car door. Her hands shield her head futiely as she rushes towards the door. Her finger presses the bell as she shakes the droplets from her body. Another burst of thunder tears through her silence and she pulls herself closer to the door and waits.

With every moment she can feel the beat of her heart grow more forceful til she feels like it might burst from her chest. And then the door opens and she can feel it pause. Everything pause as she waits to see who is on the other side.

“Good Lord Mae!”

She doesn’t have time to reply before he’s pulled her inside. His hands instinctively rub up and down her arms.

“Why the hell didn’t you just come in?” he asks. It takes a long moment before she raises her eyes to meet his, a little nervous to what she might find.

Care.

That’s what she sees in her eyes. That simple, complete emotion drives her hands to grasp his face and bring it to her own.

She can feel the shock in his face even though her eyes are closed to it. It takes a few moment of gentle prodding by her lips before the tension leaves his cheeks and he relaxes against her. His hand slides around her waist and pulls her softly towards him. Her hands release his face only to grip in his shirt, determined to keep him and this feeling close.

He pulls back slightly, eyes still closed and licks his lips slowly.

“Hi,” he breathes, his breath still close to her own mouth she drinks it in. She bumps his nose with her own and smiles.

“Hey.”

He keeps his eyes shut and presses a few more kisses along her mouth, intentionally missing. The smile can’t be kept off her face. Why did she think this was a bad idea?

Ceramic shatters on the floor and they jump slightly apart.

“Holy shit.”

They both open their eyes and look towards the new person in the entry. Trace’s gaze keeps shifting back and forth between the pair. She can’t read his eyes, she doesn’t know them well enough.

“You have to be fucking kidding me. This is why you’ve been tiptoeing around me?”

Mae doesn’t answer. She knows the question isn’t meant for her. Instead she lets her eyes wander over towards the questioned. Justin’s brow is furrowed and he opens his mouth to answer, his hands rising in defense, but Trace holds up a hand.

“Dude. I know that you may transcend a lot of rules being whoever the hell it is you think you’ve become, but some things you just don’t, shit, you just don’t do,” Trace shakes his head before making an exit.

Justin offers her a lingering glance before he follows the echo of the slamming door. Mae lets her coat slide off her shoulders and follows the sound of the TV to where she assuming the only remaining man of the house is.

She finds Jonah asleep on a blanket in the den, his knees tucked under his body, forcing his diapered butt into the air. Mae smiles and slides down on the floor next to him, laying an arm carefully over the peaceful form. The rain outside captures her attention and she watches the droplets trail down the windows colliding in their paths and creating beauty in their natural chaos.

She had almost forced down the image of teenage Kate, but now Trace has joined her. A small army of people to look down upon the feelings that she is still fighting to understand, much less name. There should be more guilt, more desire to do the right thing by these bystanders, but she can’t help but want to chase the feeling, grasp it tight and fight like hell against anyone trying to take it away.

If he hadn’t sighed Mae would have never known that he was back. The sudden expelled breath breaks her stare on the windows. She shifts slightly to face him, but remains curled around Jonah.

“I knew he had a thing for you. He never told me outright, but I knew. I even gave him hell about it a few times. I am a shitty shitty friend,” Justin mumbles. Mae keeps quiet and watches him rub his hands over his now weary eyes. But it’s still there. What she saw at the door is till peaking out from behind the weight of his friend. His eyes meet her and suddenly he slides off the couch and makes his way to the pair on the floor.

He wraps his body around the other side of Jonah, tangling his legs with hers in the process and linking his hand through hers. They stare at each other over the baby for a long time. Mae aches for words to match the things his silence is saying.

“Why can’t it just be this all the time?” Justin asks.

“What?” The reply is soft. She doesn’t want to scare the illusive words away.

“Just us. Just me and Jonah and you. This makes sense. This makes me feel safe,” he answers. Mae nods her agreement although she’s not really sure what he is talking about.

“It makes sense?” she urges. He nods and the movement carries through their attached limbs to her.

“To have the two people I care most about in the world with me. What is confusing about that?”

Any doubt or guilt will have to wait because for this one moment this is her life. These two men are her life and she wouldn’t want it any other way. Even the rain is perfect in this moment.

There are very few sureties in Kate’s life at the moment. One has something to do with the fact that women’s underwear are far more fun to look at than wear and another, one more recently acquired, is that there are far too many toys in the world.

She stares up at the seemingly monstrous shelf and wonders how if there were a proverbial Santa, he would ever be able to create this many varieties of toy. And she is currently standing in the aisle that serves 6-12 months alone. Nevermind the other 17 plus years that are left to be accounted for in this monstrosity of a store.

Her attention is brought back to the two dump trunks in either hand. One claims to be perfect for crawling babies to nudge as they scoot and the other boasts a handle that allows the early walker to push as they learn their footing. The age suggestions aren’t the problem. She is overly aware of the amount of time her son has been on the earth. 10 months and 12 days to be exact. The problem lies in the fact that she doesn’t know which he is, a scooter or a walker.

A heavy unsteady breath rips itself from her lips as she tries to bit back the tears. She will not cry. She refuses to cry in the middle of this godforsaken toy store because she did something for herself in advancing her career and leaving her baby with his father rather staying home to play photojournalists to his first year. Even after the movies release date has been set and the hype is growing bigger then anyone could imagine, she still isn’t sure she made the right decision.

Not that she would go back and not do the movie. She needed the movie, even if just the experience of filming it. It returned to her a sense of her own identity and worth that the beginning of her career had robbed her of. Then dating THE Justin Timberlake had sealed her fate as that one actress who did that one movie no one can remember the name of.

And now having recovered from her mid life identity crisis, she misses her baby. She misses the smell of him and she misses every moment she doesn’t know she missed. Since she’s been home they have been more offers than she can count to do a movie right away. They all want her hot off her sure to be hit, before anyone else can define her they want her. It’s a great feeling and a lot of the offers are tempting, more than tempting, mouth watering, but she’s waiting. She’s going to give Justin and Jonah the last two months she agreed to. She owes at least one of them that much.

“Excuse me?”

Kate almost drops the toys in her hand. She looks over at the awkward teen with a vest sporting the stores logo and she’s relieved. Someone else to make this decision for her. She smiles at the boy and holds out the toys for his view.

“Do you have idea which one is better for a 10 month old?” she asks. The kid glances at the toys seeing them for the first time. His face scrunches with thought and he shrugs nondescriptly.

“Aren’t you Kate Larson?” he asks.

Kate feels her head rear back in shock.

“Um, yes I am,” she answers slowly. Suddenly he has produced a pen and paper and is shoving them towards her.

“I thought it was you when you walked in, but I couldn’t tell, but then you took off your sunglasses and I knew. My buddies and I are SO going to see you new movie. You look totally hot in the trailers,” he rambles.

Kate just stares at the pen and paper in his hands. She’s torn between feeling flattered and violated that this kid has been following her for the better part of an hour. A feeble unconvincing laugh falls from her mouth as she takes the paper and scribbles something resembling her name to it.

He receives it back eagerly and stares at it for a moment and Kate wonders what else he could possible ask her for. She turns back to the daunting wall and hopes he will wander away.

“No offense…”

That preface never brought anyone any good and Kate winces as it breaks away from his lips.

“But you have a whole cart of toys and kids that little don’t really care that much as long as they can stick in their mouth or hit something with it,” he finishes. Kate glances back at her cart, brimming with everything she thought Jonah might like. She isn’t entirely sure if you can buy the love of a baby, but she will try anything at this point.

She tosses the walking version of the truck at the top of the pile and begins the arduous task of trying to turn it towards the registers. She’s had enough of this place and its never-ending options. To her relief the kid makes himself useful and takes control. At least the autograph bought her that much.

The girl behind the counter looks bored at best, but perks up considerably as she recognizes Kate. She fails to hide the most recent issue of People magazine before Kate can see it. This is a side of fame that is new to Kate. At least new in the sense of her being the cause of it. She has seen plenty people of fawn over Justin and other people she has encountered in her relationship with Hollywood. It’s all very new and she still hasn’t decided how she feels about it.

Luckily for her the girl keeps quiet as she rings her items. The total nears and then passes numbers she would have fainted at just months ago.

“So are these for your baby?” the girl asks. Kate resists the urge to roll her eyes and wills the girl to ring faster.

“They are.” The silence takes over for a moment and just as Kate is taking comfort in it the girl clears her throat again. The last item is in her hand hovering over the scanner as she looks at Kate expectantly.

“Justin Timberlake’s baby too right? Does he look like him? There haven’t been like any pictures and I’m, really curious,” she pushes. It is all Kate can do not to reach over the counter and scan the damned dump trunk herself. So much for it being about her newfound fame.

“Listen, I really appreciate your interest in my son, but I would like to get out of her quickly if you don’t mind,” Kate requests. The girl sneers at the request and slides the last item over the scanner and then points at the total rather that saying it aloud. Kate slides her card through the machine and snatches the receipt from the girl before she can ask anything else.

She shoves the bags in the back of her car and hoists herself inside the SUV. The car seat catches her eye in the rear view and she glances at the clock.

“Shit,” she mutters. The whole point of this little trip was to get ready for Jonah. And at this point she might not even be home when he gets there. She veers onto the highway and prays for light traffic and even less cops. Her hands grip the wheel till her knuckles turn white. This is not what she needs.

She almost takes out her own mail box as she swerves into her driveway, but to her relief it’s empty. A huge breath leaves her as she rests her forehead against the wheel. She can only spare a moment before she grabs the bags and heads inside.

The bags are dumped unceremoniously in the kitchen as she rushes through the house trying to hide all evidence that she has made no effort to unpack since being home. Four days isn’t that long and most of that time was spent sleeping.

Just as she shoves the last of her bags into the hall closet the doorbell rings. She smoothes her bangs away from her face for a moment and flattens her hands against her jeans before opening the door.

She’s ready for the hand off. For Lynn or Trace or Mae to be there ready to give her Jonah and leave, but what she gets causes her to freeze in the doorway like a regular teeny. It’s not like she forgot who he was or what he looked like, but somehow he’s different. And it’s not the obvious things like his hair being longer or his face clean shaven. There’s something in the sag of his shoulders and softness of his features that wasn’t there before.

“Hey.”

Even his voice sounds different. Less of an edge, less potential for a fight. His voice was always on the verge of yelling when they spoke. She steps aside and lets him past. It takes only a moment for her to snap out of her nostalgia and reach for Jonah. The baby latches on even tigheter to his father, burying his face in his sweater.

Justin smiles at Kate apologetically and moves slowly towards the living room.

“He’s a little shy. Maybe if I let him chill on the floor for a bit he’ll let you pick him up,” he suggests. Kate nods even though the words ‘let you pick him up’ singed her. She watches from the hallway as Justin moves around the couch and spreads out a blanket on the floor before setting Jonah down on it. Jonah watches her wearily as Justin pulls his hands away.

“So how was your trip?” Justin asks slowly. Kate takes that as he cue to enter the room. She is careful to sit in a chair across from Justin and not too close to Justin. But even her distance is too close; Jonah reaches for the couch pulling himself to a standing position beside Justin. All thoughts of Justin’s question are lost and he beams down at his son. His son. At that moment he seems so much more his than hers and she hates that.

“It was good, I’m glad to be home though. And I’m going to be around for awhile,” she eases into the subject. Justin’s head snaps up and he pulls Jonah to him protectively. The gesture isn’t lost on Kate. She moves quickly beside them on the couch.

“I know I was gone and I can’t get that time back, but I plan on being around now,” she says slowly.

“So what? What does that mean to me Kate? Having a kid isn’t like a timeshare. You can’t just fucking use it when you’re available,” Justin says. His voice is soft, but the words are harsh. She grits her teeth. Now he looks more like the Justin she knows.

“Don’t even start that with me Justin. You can’t keep him from me. It’s not like you were always parent of the year either,” she hisses. She watches as Justin eases Jonah away from his body and back onto the floor. He pulls some kind of train from the bag he brought in and Jonah seems appeased for a moment.

“I never acted like I was perfect. But you haven’t been here most of his life, he doesn’t even know you any more. What the fuck do you want me to do? Leave him with someone he considers a stranger?” Justin rambles as his emotion grows. Kate watches his eyes as they dart between her, Jonah and the bag. Kate’s eyes narrow as she lunges for the bag and pulls out his phone. The phone buzzes in silent mode and Mae’s face and name flash across the screen.

“Typical,” she states as she waves the object in front of his face. Justin’s features steel ready for her attack.

“So how did it take you? I’m guessing that you acted on your fascination with the nanny? I can read it all over your face,” Kate spits.

“Don’t raise your voice in front of Jonah, it scares him,” Justin warns. Kate laughs bitterly.

“Don’t use my son as an excuse. So what is she now? Your latest girlfriend?” she demands. Justin shakes his head and lets it fall into his hands.

“I wanted this to go differently. I came over here to make a schedule to work things out with you,” he struggles. Kate rolls her eyes.

“You mean to appease me? To make sure things wouldn’t be awkward for your new flame, my replacement?”

“I am so sick of that same old shit from you Kate. Find a new fucking song to sing cause this one is worn out. I wanted this to be civil, but if you can’t grow up then maybe we’ll work it out with lawyers,” Justin offers. Kate shakes her head violently.

“You don’t get to be the one to act like the mature adult. You don’t get to take the high road,” Kate warns. Justin sighs and stands. Jonah reaches up for his father, pulling himself up on Justin’s jeans.

“What do you want me to say Kate? You act like I’m cheating on you with Mae, but you were the one who gave up on us. I wanted to try, but you did everything in your power to push me away, so why the hell do you give a fuck now?” he counters. Kate sucks in a quick breath and lets the words soak in. A little anger seeps out with the breath.

“This isn’t how this was supposed to be,” she breathes. She leans against the wall for support.

“Things don’t ever happen like they’re supposed to Kate. But you suck it up and do the best you can.”

His voice has softened a little, but when she looks for the same softness in his eyes, it’s directed at their son. All of a sudden all the reasons she had to get away from him aren’t as clear.

“I was thinking we could divide the week. I’ll take Sunday through Wednesday and you can have Thursday through Saturday. But I want to be able to come over as much as I want and I guess you can do the same if you want. And I know that you might have a problem with Mae being around but she will still be around on my end so you’re going to have to deal with that.”

It all sounds so scripted falling from his lips. Suddenly she feels very removed from it all. She can feel herself nodding as the plan formulates in her mind. Things may not go as you want, but you can always change them for your own good.

“I can be a professional Justin. I’ll still need help and I don’t want to go through the hassle of finding a new nanny. So as long as she can play nice so can I,” she states. Justin’s face twists in confusion, but he doesn’t argue.

“I’ll tell her that then and you can call her and let her know when you’ll need her,” he stammers.

“I don’t want to take her out of your services,” she says sweetly. Justin reads the sting in her voice and hardens once more for good.

“She hasn’t worked for me for a awhile. But it’s good to know you still think of me,” he fires back.

“If there’s nothing else, I’ll take my baby,” Kate states with her arms out stretched. Justin’s face pains as he pulls Jonah away form his body. The baby struggles and then cries as he is pulled away from his father. Kate takes the writhing baby to her chest.

“Just go. You’ll make it worse if you stay,” she commands. Justin opens his mouth to argue, but then backs away slowly, keeping his eyes on Jonah as long as possible. When he shuts the door behind him Jonah’s cries become wails. She makes her way to the kitchen and pulls the dump trunk from the bag.

The sobs slow and he reaches for it slowly. There is a small victory in his slow hiccups. A first step in regaining her position in his life. In both their lives.

Everything changes from this point. And it’s not just a fact of time, he can feel it in the air. Everywhere he turns in this overly decorated house he can feel it. He wants to focus on the occasion, pretend that he can function with this new weight pushing him to the ground, but he can’t. Instead he clutches onto Mae’s hand like it’s a lifeline and forces himself to smile at people he’s sure could care less that its his son’s first birthday.

Jonah is one. The day has finally come and instead of hovering around with a video camera watching Jonah cover his face in his cake Justin is waiting. Waiting for Kate to drop the bomb he knows she must have hidden under her guise of perfect motherhood.

The last two months have been docile. Kate has adhered to every one of Justin’s requests and the lack of drama has made him uneasy. But he was willing to linger in the momentary peace.

And then there’s Mae. If there was anything that could take his mind off Kate and the upcoming deadline, it’s Mae. Everything he previously thought about relationships was thrown out the window as soon he started anything with her. Most of his free time is spent in tiny underground bars seeing bands he’s sure will never get a record deal, but probably have more talent than anything playing on MTV, except him of course.

When he’s not enjoying obscurity in dirty hole in the walls, he’s clinging to a fragile home-life that consists of him, Mae and Jonah. Having those slow easy nights that make him feel like this whole fatherhood thing is actually doable for him. Nights spent on the floor of his living room or in the backyard just enjoying the moments he knows he’ll never get back with his son.

“There is a woman in the corner who looks like she wants to shove me down the disposal,” Mae whispers. Justin smiles despite himself. He glances over to the corner and sees one of Kate’s new agents giving Mae a serious once over. He doesn’t blame Mae for being scared. The woman looks like a dinosaur and probably eats like one as well.

“She’s just trying to decide if there is any way she could possibly make money off of you,” he replies. Mae shudders dramatically.

“Well good god shield me then, protect me like the man you claim to be,” she says as she pushes him on front of her. Justin chuckles and easily covers her body with his own, throwing a cheesy smile at the dinosaur in the process. This is why he brought Mae along to this thing. He knew that she would make it bearable.

His presence here is more for show than anything, an obligatory appearance as the father of the birthday boy. He and Mae had a much smaller party for Jonah the night before. His mom came and they spread a blanket out in the back and let Jonah attack the cake until he wore most of it. The only thing that was missing was Trace.

“Does she know that Jonah is scared of clowns?” Mae’s voice breaks in once more and Justin rolls his eyes as Kate tries to pull the petrified baby away from her chest and towards the clown.

“Oh hell,” he mutters as he breaks away from Mae and beings to push his way towards Kate. Before he can get there he sees someone else pull Jonah from Kate and away from the idiot with the red afro.

“What the hell is your momma thinking Jones?” Trace mutters to he baby. Jonah smacks his hands against Trace’s cheeks and Justin freezes afraid that any movement he may make will make Trace disappear. He’s called him more times than he can count, but no answer. Seeing him here makes Justin hope for something was sure wasn’t possible. Reconciliation.

“At least it seems that he’s inherited his father’s good taste,” Justin tries. Trace’s head shoots up at the sound of Justin’s voice. He shift Jonah to the side and forces a tight smile before brushing past. Justin doesn’t follow right away, but holds his position in shock.

“Come on man, you know I didn’t mean for things to turn out like they did,” he pleads when he catches up with Trace. He can see Trace’s shoulders go rigid from behind. This whole situation isn’t right. There’s never been anything they could push past. And a lot of shit has gone on between the two on them, but nothing that a few days of silence and separation couldn’t fix.

Trace stops suddenly and it’s all Justin can do not to slam into his back. He turns slowly and there’s nothing but controlled anger on his face.

“Listen. I’m here for Jonah. I figured whatever was going wrong between us wasn’t enough for me to take it out on the kid,” Trace states. Justin finds himself nodding along hoping to keep him talking, keep him here long enough to work everything out.

“I really appreciate that man, I really do. We would have had you over last night if I had known you were cool with it,” Justin adds. He’s hoping the late invitation will be worth something.

“Fuck Justin. I wouldn’t have been cool with it. I came today because I knew Katie would invite a shit load of people and what I saw of you and Mae would be little to nothing,” Trace says. The words knock Justin back a little.

“What the hell do you want me to do Trace? I’ve apologized, but I can’t fucking change the way I feel, neither of us can,” Justin argues. Trace sets his jaw and Justin can see his grip on Jonah tighten. The baby squirms under the new pressure.

“I want her gone Justin. I don’t want to have to worry about walking in on the two of you screwing every time I come by. I want you to be my fucking best friend and choose me over this girl. I mean fuck come on,” Trace demands.

“Fuuuuc,” Jonah rambles. Justin can feel the groan building in his chest at the sound. He snatches the baby from Trace’s grip and shakes his head. He knows he should be able to give Mae up if that’s what Trace wants. They have years, fucking years, of friendship between them. There isn’t a single memory that Justin treasures that doesn’t in some way include Trace. But, he just can’t do it.

“I need her Trace,” he whispers. Trace’s face crumbles. Justin wants to take the words back, but anything else would be a lie. Everything is so fragile and Mae is holding him together, holding him and his tiny family together.
Immediately Trace begins to shake his head. Justin reaches out his hand, but Trace throws his hands up defensively erecting a barrier between them.

“I cannot fucking believe you. I don’t ever ask you for anything, not a fucking thing and you can’t do this one thing for me,” Trace rambles as he retreats. Justin opens his mouth and waits for the words he knows Trace wants to hear to fall out, but they don’t come. Because the truth is that Trace was his number one, he would have done anything for him, but now there’s Jonah.

Now this little person in his arms gets a bigger consideration then anyone else could ever vie for. It’s all about him now and Justin can’t even pretend it’s not. And Mae’s not only good for him, she’s good for Jonah.

He watches his push his way through the house and out the front door and for the first time in his life he’s not sure he’ll ever see him again.

“This party is officially freaking me out. First that lady in the corner and then I tried to use the bathroom and walked in on that girl from that one soap going down on the clown. Seriously screwed up stuff,” Mae sighs. She slips an arm around Justin’s waist making a face at Jonah in the process. Justin can feel his breathing return to normal at the sound of his laughter.

“You think we could take Jonah and get the hell out of here?” Justin asks. Mae laughs and buries her face in his t-shirt, the action throws Jonah into another fit of giggles. This is why he couldn’t just be done with her. These kind of moments.

He wraps his free arm around her and holds them there for longer than really comfortable.

“I think Kate might have a little problem with that,” he laughs. Mae mimics his words by placing her fingers that close together. He kisses the top of her head and sighs a little.

“We should probably get the man of the hour back out to the party before Kate sends one of the helicopters in to find him,” Mae teases. It would be funnier if the backyard wasn’t plagued by the sound of hovering copters. Even though Justin wants to think that someone leaks, he can’t help but think of the magazine and wonder if it wasn’t just a part of Kate’s master plan.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Kate’s voice breaks in and Mae pulls away from Justin instantly. While a lot of things go well in their fledgling relationship, Kate makes everything go sour. Justin keeps a firm grip on Mae’s hand. She’s not going to run away from her.

“We were just about to bring Bubba back out Kate, there’s no reason for you to send out a search party,” Justin sighs. Kate giggles in a way that immediately puts Justin on guard. It’s her media giggle, the forged high pitched laugh that makes his skin crawl.

“Oh I wasn’t talking to you. I meant Mae. I have some exciting news,” she corrects. Mae eases into Justin’s side looking for support and he stands a little straighter trying to provide it.

“What news is that?” Mae tries. Justin can hear the anxiety in her voice and he doesn’t blame her. She doesn’t even know what Kate is capable of. A few people straggle by and Kate makes a big fuss over each of them, snatching Jonah from Justin to show him off.

“Sorry about that. So I just got off the phone with my publicist and since the year is officially up he, we decided that it would be a good time for a media tour. You know for the movie,” she reveals.

Justin feels himself relax. She’s leaving. That really is good news.

“Well, I think that’s great Kate, but I’m not really sure why you would want to tell me,” Mae answers. Justin nods his agreement, but then Kate smiles and he can feel himself losing control.

“It’s a big deal a world media tour, I wanted to make sure you were up for it. Up for coming with us,” Kate states. Justin watches as Mae’s face furrows in confusion. It’s not a look he’s used to seeing and he doesn’t like it.

“Us?” Mae pushes. Kate bounces Jonah on her hip a little, but it doesn’t keep him for reaching towards Justin and Mae.

“I figure Jonah’s old enough now so, yes. Us.”
Justin can feel the words slide over him like an unwelcome cold shower. This is not happening. She cannot be serious.

“What the hell Kate? Where you even going to pass this by me?” Justin seethes. Kate switches her attention easily between them, her face remaining plastic.

“I didn’t think I needed to. We agreed to stay in place for the year and now I need to get back to work and well Jonah’s old enough to come along. And Mae’s coming so I would think you would be ok with it.”

It sounds so innocent, like she honestly didn’t think it would be a problem. But he knows better. He sinks to a crouching position and rests his head in his hands. She can’t do this. She can’t take his baby, his bubba. She can’t take him and she can’t take Mae. They’re not hers to take.

“No Kate. He’s not going,” he finally states sternly.

“I checked with the doctor and he said it was ok. Eventually he’s going to travel Justin, between your career and mine he can’t stay in LA forever. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t want him to go with you on tour,” Kate argues.

Justin swallows hard. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He was thinking recording and that’s in LA. But, if he did leave if would want him to go. His head hangs in defeat. She’s right. She’s going to take them both away and he can’t say anything rational to stop her.

She’s being watched. And not in the easily excusable ‘I’m a celebrity nanny’ way either. Over her time with Justin and Jonah Mae has grown used to the people who lurk in bushes and hide behind mail boxes looking for that one shot that will pay their bills and while she may not agree with the profession she has become accustomed to the feeling. But this feeling is different.

These eyes are openly watching her from inside the enormous suite and its making the square footage drop by the second.

Mae clears her throat and tries to glance over subtly to where her voyeur is sitting. Kate doesn’t even try to look away simply forces the corners of her mouth upwards in what could be called a smile. This is driving her insane.

It was bad enough leaving Justin. He came all the way to the airport despite the cameras following and when he held her onto her hand as she headed down the jet way with Jonah in her arms she knew he wouldn’t let go. The tears that stained his face were left undisturbed as he watched from the airport window. It broke her heart and scared the hell out of her at the same time.

If he affected her that much than it was moving past casual and quickly entering into something much more serious and much more dangerous.

The only upside to traveling with Kate was that Mae didn’t have much time to think about anything but Kate. Every moment was filled with activity and press meetings. All of which Kate insisted Jonah come along. Mae followed dutifully behind toting Jonah and all of his things waiting for the moment when Kate would need him for a picture only to shove him back into Mae’s arms as soon as the flashes stopped.

It was sick. At least with Justin he took time to relax with Jonah, or let Mae and Jonah stay behind, but Kate was insistent. The only time they ever slowed down was when they were on the airplane. To make it worse Mae was having a hard time finding a private moment to call Justin. Every time she would shut herself off on the balcony and lose herself in the soft drawl of his voice Kate would appear behind her without a sound and demand that she come inside to help with Jonah.

She was always doing that, using the Jonah card. Even going as far as trying to pass off buying Kate designer bottled water as running an errand for Jonah.

Mae has lost count of the number of times she has had to apply the elementary tactic of closing her eyes and counting to ten. Hell, sometimes she counts to 50 for good measure.

She leans back against the leather couch and wonders for a moment if she even knows which town she is in. At some point along the way she’s stopped naming cities and simply began counting days. 12 days to go. 12 days til she’s back with Justin and can hide from all the pressure and discomfort of Kate.

Jonah reaches for the couch and pulls himself to a standing position. He lets go and teeters a moment before gaining his balance. He’s so close now. There are times when he’ll take a small step only to go crashing to the ground, but Mae knows that any day now he’s going to walk and that thought kills her. Knowing that Justin is going to miss this and that there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

True to form Jonah reaches out one hesitant foot only to loose confidence and hit the ground solidly. Mae fights the smile on her face as he gazes up at her looking for her permission to cry.

“Don,” he states. Mae’s smile can’t be restrained. She’s convinced herself that Jonah has taken on a small southern drawl, but it could just be wishful thinking.

“Yep. You fell down Jones,” she confirms. His brow furrows.

“Boom,” he adds. Mae laughs. His new favorite word. Every solid contact with another object is a boom. Whether it’s a swift kick to a toy ball or a slap of a hand against a wall. Out of nowhere the bubble is burst as Kate bursts into their moment.

“Oh baby, are you ok?” she gushes. Mae wants to roll her eyes and inform Kate that her sporadic overbearing mothering techniques are only holding Jonah back, but instead she simply bites her tongue and begins her mental countdown.

Kate picks up Jonah who now decides that the fall was not ok and let’s tears roll down his cheeks. Mae eases herself up from the couch and tries to leave before she completely belittles Kate’s mothering. Just as she can see the door and taste her escape Kate calls her back.

“Mae be a doll and grab Jonah’s monkey from my bag would you?”

Now out of her sight Mae doesn’t hesitate to roll her eyes and mimic Kate’s voice under her breath. It may be juvenile but it gives her a small piece of joy she won’t be denied. She reaches for Kate’s oversized designer bag and wonders how Jonah’s monkey even got in there in the first place.

Kate refuses to carry Jonah’s things in her bag for the most part. She says that he is a little person and therefore needs his own bags. Besides, the monkey is Jonah’s favorite toy from Justin and Kate well, has an aversion to Justin.

She pulls open the bag and tries to find the toy without reaching inside, but no luck. She lets out a heavy sigh before digging her hand in blindly. She sifts through it feeling makeup and phones, but no monkey.

“I don’t think Mr. Jingles is in here Kate,” Mae calls back. No answer. She forgoes all neatness and dumps the bag out. Small containers roll off the table, but Mae can’t be bothered to pick them up. Still no monkey. The last thing to fall slides slowly and when it lands in Mae’s view she can’t tear her eyes from it.

Somehow, in the middle of Europe or wherever the hell they are Kate has somehow found an US magazine. And not any US magazine. One with a huge cover picture of Justin and some brunette Mae doesn’t recognize and a headline mentioning something about new love.

Instantly Mae’s eyes scan the familiar features looking for a reason to disbelieve the words. The proof comes easily. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets and while the girl is smiling adoringly at him, he is staring at the ground, unaffected by her. Rather than worrying about the fact that she can read him so well, she is frustrated.

Mr. Jingles is most definitely NOT in Kate’s bag.

When she reenters the main room Jonah is about to pull a potted plant over and Kate is on the phone oblivious. Mae rushes to pull the baby away from the fichus and scowls at Kate.

“Did you find it?” Kate asks all smiles. Mae breathes deeply and simply shakes her head. Maybe if she can avoid talking she won’t explode.

“That’s funny. Are you sure you looked through the whole bag?” she pushes.

Mae breaks her gaze from Jonah to look at Kate straight on. In a lot of ways she is the exact same person Mae remembers from prep school. The same condescending air and feigned cool. If Mae cocks her head just right she can swear she has slipped back in time. Back to when Kate and her friends thought it was funny to hide the artsy girl’s bag when she went to the bathroom.

“I did. I’m pretty sure its still in his diaper bag,” Mae answers steadily. She’s not that girl anymore. She won’t be pushed down by Kate. That time in her life has past. Now she can see the fear that lingers right below Kate’s cockiness and it makes Mae pity her more than anything.

“Huh. I could have sworn it was in there. Could you grab my magazine then?” Kate asks. Mae shakes her head slowly. So much for trying to think Kate wasn’t manipulating her. The magazine was the whole point.

“The US?” Mae asks. Kate nods vigorously.

“Oh my. Did you already see it? I was trying to hide it from you girl. I didn’t want you to be upset,” Kate says. Mae wants to argue her logic and tell her that her actions and words are contradicting, but she knows it would be a waste of breath.

“You know how those things are. You can’t believe what you read,” Mae smiles. She picks Jonah up ready to make any excuse to leave. Kate steps in her way and places an overly firm hand on her shoulder.

“Men are scum,” She whispers. Mae laughs a little and moves away from Kate.

“It’s just a picture Kate.”

“But you don’t know how often those things are true,” she argues. Mae can see her bedroom door and can’t be deterred.

“I know that they’re wrong more often than they’re right, but thanks for looking out for me,” she replies. The false appreciate bubbles over like vomit and she feels the need to rinse her mouth out afterwards.

She shuts the door and leans back against it holding Jonah close to her.

“Boom.” Mae opens her eyes and laughs. Jonah giggles in response clapping his small hands. There is only one thing she wants. She places Jonah in his crib and reaches for her phone.

There is no guarantee that he will answer. She’s not even sure what the time difference is. But as it rings she fights the urge to cross her fingers in the hopes that he will answer.

“Hey.” She can hear the sleep in his voice.

“I can call back. I didn’t know it was so late,” she rushes.

“No. Don’t you even think about it. It’s been too fucking long since I’ve talked to you,” he argues, his voice getting clearer with each word. She can hear his sheets rustling as he moves around in bed. If she closes her eyes she can almost transport her and Jonah there with him.

“I’m not on speaker am I? Bubba didn’t hear the fuck did he?” he asks. Mae laughs. There are some moments when he sounds so much like a father. She presses the button and projects his voice through the room.

“You are now so don’t be using all those no no words,” she teases. He scoffs through the phone and Jonah looks towards the noise with interest.

“So where are you guys?” he asks. Immediately Jonah begins reaching for the phone.

“Da!” he calls. The line grows silent.

“Bubba?” His voice cracks and Mae holds the phone closer to the baby. This is so damn hard for him. Hard for them. Justin may not have started out as the best father, but who does. But he’s the best thing Jonah has and Mae just hopes he knows that.

“Da boom,” Jonah announces. Mae bites his lip. Justin hasn’t heard Jonah’s new word yet.

“Boom huh Bubba?” Justin replies. Mae almost feels bad for eavesdropping on the conversation between father and son.

“Mae take me off speaker,” Justin asks. Mae complies and brings the phone back to her face.

“I didn’t know he had a new word,” he breathes. She can hear the hurt in his voice.

“Yeah I think he got it from the cartoons Kate is always trying to get him to watch,” Mae admits. Justin breathes heavily. She misses him. She won’t even try to deny that. Misses the feel of his breath on her, the heaviness of his hand on her hip.

“This is too fucking hard. I mean I want him with me. And I want you here to make it better Mae. I mean, fuck, no one else can make this better,” he sighs.

“I know. I wish I could split down the center and be with you both,” she replies. He chuckles a little and she smiles in relief.

“I should have never agreed to this. I went out with my image consultant and she tried to tell me that I need to get out of the fatherhood label. Like I can just stop being Jonah’s dad. Fucking idiots,” he growls.

“Don’t worry about them. Flush em down the toilet if you have to,” Mae suggests.

“God you are a nut you know that?” he asks.

“12 more days,” Mae whispers.

“I don’t think I can wait that long.”

“You can. I know you can.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you Mae,” he sighs. Mae bites her lip and glances over at Jonah who is settling into his sleep position, butt in the air.

“Me either.”

It’s just the under the surface. Bubbling underneath her skin, but she’s fighting it. A losing battle, but she’s fighting none the less. Her hand twitches on the steering wheel as a familiar tune seeps through the stereo. Slowly her finger begins to drum on the steering wheel, her left leg bobs ever so slightly to the beat. Kate bites down on her lips to resist that ultimate succumbing moment.

There isn’t a lot of sense behind her inner battle. After months of feeling over worked and just plain shitty she can’t deny that things are going pretty damn well at the moment. So well that she is currently having to do everything in her power not to belt out the song on the radio. She can’t give in to that outer celebration just yet.

Sure they are a lot of reason’s for Kate to make like Aretha and not care that people are staring. She finally picked a new movie. Far from the slasher films she started in she is now staring on a romantic comedy and not one of those cheesy over done kind either. Something new fresh and funny and almost too good to be true.

Which lead directly into reason number two to bust out her pipes. Her costar. He may not be Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, but Carson Helms might just be the next best thing plus a slight northwestern accent to boot. Completely adorable and just slightly unaware that he is jaw dropingly attractive.

With everything else going so well Kate’s even been inclined to completely ignore Mae’s less endearing qualities and focus on the fact that she has a completely ridiculously over qualified woman watching her child. And when you spin things like that it gives just enough reason to…

“Does it hurt to know I'll never be there? Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere. It was you, who chose to end it like you did. I was the last to know.”

The smile that takes over her face can’t be stopped. It doesn’t even bother her that this whole moment seems Mae-esque. The song fades out and Kate feels free, happy even. The feeling moves her hand towards the button to lower the window.

For a minute she forgets that she’s driving down rodeo and there are probably more than a few paps more than willing to follow her home and towards the ‘most sought after baby in the country’, but that thought can wait for just one minute because for this minute she’s just a lucky girl whose professional dreams are coming true.

A flash reflects off her mirrored glasses and she quickly cues the window back into place. Her teeth find her bottom lip as she glances in her rear view mirror to see if she’s going to have to take the long way home. Somehow another fate has smiled upon her and the scum have remained behind her.

The previous high reclaims her and she begins to take the familiar last turns towards home. Towards home and her son. Something that she is finally settling back into. Kate can’t pretend like she didn’t keep him at a distance to keep Mae at a distance, but the ice is slowly melting, already enough has slipped away that she can take a hold of her son without getting too close to Mae.

Another amazing upside of the new movie. It films in LA. Three months of shooting during the day, but coming home to her own bed and more importantly not leaving Jonah behind. There were even concessions that gave her a trailers big enough o give Jonah is own small room so he can be on set, well, as much as he can.

Kate feels the urge to fell her muscles like Rosie. Who said women can’t have it all?

As she slows to pull into her driveway he heart races when she sees Justin’s car. Maybe she forgot that it was his day to pick Jonah up, or even worse maybe he came by to make nice and she wasn’t there. Her son’s father is still a tense topic with her.

They’ve fallen into a cordial relationship, one that revolves around their son and them seeing their son. Mae slips into the mix occasional, luckily for Kate she sees very little of Mae’s relationship with Justin other then the professional side. At least she’s considerate in that way.

Her leg shakes involuntarily as she waits fort her garage door to rise. She would rather just get the whole encounter over with so she can resume her inner celebration with blemish or chance of reproach.

The house is eerily silent as she makes her way through the door. She tosses her keys on the counter and shifts through the mail hoping that one of them will appear rather than her having to search them out.

She takes her time actual reading over ever bill, giving a glance to each piece of junk mail, waiting. There is even thought given to responding to a piece of gimmick mail before she throws most of it in the trash and begins to weave her way through the house.

It takes her way less time then she would have hoped. The sight stops her in her tracks and forces her back into the hallway. A hand is placed against the wall to balance herself as she blinks several times trying to push the image from her mind.

This is so much different then seeing them whispering in a corner or holding hands across the room. This is a moment that other people don’t get to see. A complete undeniable testament of them. The two of them together.

Kate’s confusion quickly turns to anger. In HER house. It’s not like she walked into his home uninvited. They are on HER couch in HER living room. The anger gives her just enough courage to round the corner one more time.

Before this moment she wasn’t aware that three people, well two people and a baby could all share the same space of her couch. Justin is taking up most of the room, laying flat on his back on the couch, one arm curled under his head the other one keeping Mae from falling off the edge. Jonah is asleep on Justin’s chest, Mae’s arms keeping him secure.

The whole package, the whole cheesy picture almost makes Kate want to vomit. She swallows a few times before kicking the base of the couch. It was impulse, she just couldn’t help herself.

Justin’s eyes shoot open and his sudden movement knocks Mae off the edge of the couch, Jonah is the only one left undisturbed. Kate can’t fight the smile that takes over at the chain of events.

“What the hell Kate?” Justin’s tone is harsh, but his voice is low conscious of Jonah. Mae pulls herself into a sitting position rubbing her eyes slightly before moving away from Justin.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you all here.”

It’s a lie. A blatant lie, but sometimes anger makes you do strange things. She watches as Justin’s eyes slide closed slowly in a familiar pattern of frustration. Kate tears her eyes from Justin to Watch Mae slink into a chair across the room and attempt to wake up.

“Did you all have a nice nap?” she asks sweetly. Mae shrinks into the chair and suddenly Kate can sense karma getting ready to kick her in the ass. The day’s events rush back to her and a tiny bit of remorse and even guilt well up inside of her.

The leather on the couch squeaks as Justin slowly shifts to a sitting position, moving Jonah to lay on the couch alone. Kate forces herself to look at her baby and try to think about him. Him and his father and the only other woman in the world how might come close to loving him as much as she does.

Her fists clench slowly and she takes several shaky breaths.

“Be nice be nice be nice,” she chants under her breath. Not exactly the most advanced solution, but it worked when she was younger.

“Is there a reason you are talking to yourself like a nut case?” Justin asks. Kate lifts her eyes to meet his, but he isn’t looking at her. Hell, he isn’t even facing her. He’s crossing the room to pull Mae up from the chair and into him.

“How long have you been here?” Kate is proud of the neutral question. A small white flag if you will.

“Well I was supposed to pick Mae up at 5 when you told her you would be home, but surprise. You weren’t here. Didn’t call and didn’t answer you phone,” Justin answers. Kate pictures her phone, still on silent from her meeting, in the bottom of her purse.

It was so easy to think of Mae as the help and she tried so hard to keep any association of Justin and her together out of her mind that she forgot that she had a life.

“The meeting ran over,” she offers. Mae pulls away from Justin a little.

“It’s fine Kate really, I guess we just lost track of time and it’s kind of late,” Mae replies. Justin rolls his eyes a little, but Mae pushes him back a little and he falls into the chair silent.

Kate glances down at her watch. 9:45. A lot later than the 5 o’clock she told Mae. She sits down next to Jonah and tries to draw a little strength from his solid form. Once again she comes out looking like the bad guy. She should have tried for a role as a villain. The slasher instead of the slashed.

“Things got a little more detailed than I thought,” she explains. Mae nods and then leans back to whisper something to Justin. For the first time Kate notices that he is in a suit. Now she really feels something resembling bad.

Without another word to her Justin inches past her and leaves the room. Mae offers a nervous smile.

“He’s going to wait in the car,” Mae explains. She moves slowly towards Kate picking up discarded toys as she goes. Kate nods her reply.

“So is the movie going to happen?” Mae asks. That’s the annoying thing about Mae. She pays attention. When Kate rants and raves out of nerves or anger, Mae pays attention.

“Yeah it’ll take a couple of weeks to get through the paper work and initial read throughs, but yeah,” she answers. Mae nods.

“Well, if you’re set for the night….”

Kate knows what Mae wants. She wants her to tell her she can leave so she can go out on a date with the Father of her son. The whole things makes her want to be a bitter bitch and think of some reason to keep her. But she can’t.

“Just go Mae. I’ll see you Monday I think?” Kate sighs.

“For sure. Have a good weekend,” Mae says. Kate nods tiredly. Suddenly the 14 hours she spent at the studio have caught up with her and she almost wants to send Jonah with them rather than waiting for Justin to pick him up in the morning.

Instead she pulls his heavy body to her and starts up the stairs. The walk is slow, painful even. Jonah weighs more asleep, she would bet on it. When she finally makes it to her room she settles him into her bed and heads for the bathroom.

She stares at herself in the mirror and is painfully aware of the empty space surrounding her. The extra space in the house seems to be growing by the second making her overly aware of how along she is. And yet it was her choice. She created every inch of space in the house by slowly pushing everyone away until the only person left was the only person she couldn’t push.

Her arms feel tired and she’s ready to stop pushing. She needs more voices, more rubbed shoulders, more shared air. She pulls her jacket off her shoulders and the crackle of paper stops her movement.

The letters and numbers on the paper serve as a clean slate.

‘Carson Helms 555-3245’

A new beginning. With much less of an arm workout.

There are very few times in his life when Justin has felt inadequate. Even fewer times he would readily admit to, but standing in the center of the pasta aisle at his local Ralph’s, he would gladly admit his defeat, even if to just make some damn sense of it all. The idea was to Make Mae dinner. A rare occasion when they will be together sans Jonah and it calls for something special. Not that Justin wishes for time apart from his son, but he isn’t even sure if he and Mae have ever had a ‘real’ date. Because one thing he does know is that bathing Jonah and then falling into bed does not count as a date.

His whole body tenses as his eyes scan the selection again. Pasta was supposed to be the easy choice, the ‘idiot proof’ option as his mother had so delicately put it. Most of the names he can’t even pronounce much less deem if it suits the cream sauce he is going to attempt making.

Aside from the current pasta debacle, Justin can’t think of a while hell of a lot to complain about. Kate has died down to mostly tolerable and he has the better art of a record laid down, which might be the best he’s ever done. A fact he attributes mostly to Jonah and growing his own ass up. Which leads to another reason for the somewhat special occasion, things in his life were about to get a little more hectic and he had questions for Mae. He knew what he wanted, but it was her turn to call the shots.

‘What kind of sauce are you making?”

Justin shook his head to rid it of his haze of thoughts and focused on the new voice. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t notice she was beautiful, it didn’t help that she was grinning at him,. He always thought teeth were oddly sexy.

“Um, I’m going to try this cream based recipe I got from my mom,” he offers. She nods thoughtfully.

“May I?” she asks gesturing towards the demonic wall of pasta.

“Please do,” Justin answers readily. Any help was welcome. She reaches across him and plucks a box off the shelf. There’s an effort on her part to brush his arm as she pulls back. Instantly he fells on edge. The move has been used too often on him for it not to be recognized. First it’s the arm brush, then the grip on the shoulder and not long after that some kind of suggestion leading to her bed.

Justin steels himself as he holds out the box.

“Use the shells, they’ll trap the sauce inside,” She tells him. He smiles tensely as he takes the box from her outstretched hand.

“Thanks. My girlfriend will love this,” he replies. Her face falters a little, but the smile is back almost instantaneously.

“She’s a lucky girl. You should get some wine to go with it,” she adds. Justin nods lamely. He should have thought of that without help. She’s already pushing her cart down the aisle before he can even think to say anything else.

“Thanks again,” he calls after her. She turns and flashes him one more smile. One that a couple of months ago would have assured her a phone number if nothing else. And once again he is reminded that he is in deep with Mae, probably too deep.

It surprises him to say the least. After Kate he made a stupid oath to himself that he was done with women for awhile. He was going to focus on his son and keep things casual if anything. But then Mae can spinning in and he was in deep shit before he could stoip himself.

He leans heavily against the cart and eases it towards the alcohol. He should probably go to a liquor store and get something a little more expensive, but he knows it won’t make any difference to Mae. The turn into the new aisle is wide and slow. It takes him a moment to recognize the other person in the aisle, even thought few people are more familiar to him.

The other person remains unaware, in a similar staring contest with the alcohol that Justin just ended with the pasta. Justin moves slowly towards him as if nervous to scare off a skittish animal. The wheel of his cart catches and makes a noise that causes them both to cringe. Their eyes meet and Justin smiles weakly.

“Hey.”

It’s a lame greeting, but something needed to be said.

“Hey,” Trace reciprocates. Justin takes it as a good sign and inches even closer.

“How have you been man?” Justin asks. Trace breaks his glare with the cooler long enough to glance at him again.

“You know, the same old shit.”

Justin nods even thought he’s really not sure what that could mean. Standing before him is the singular downfall of his relationship with Mae. The only person other than his mother to have stood with him through the entirety of the fucked up process that is fame.

The awkward silence settles in, but Justin is unwilling to let something so menial ruin this moment.

“For someone who claims to be able to taste the age of whiskey, you sure as hell are giving that liquor the once over,” Justin states. Trace snorts just a little.

“There will be no doubting my masterful whiskey knowledge. I’m trying to pick something out for this chick I’m seeing. No doubt she likes all that fruity shit,” Trace rambles. Justin chuckles and points at the hard lemonade.

“All women love that shit,” he suggests. Trace nods and drops a six pack into his car.

“So, who’s the girl?” Justin asks. Trace pushes his cart back and forth with quick movements.

“Someone I met at one of the fashion events,” he answers.

“She hot?” Justin presses. Trace’s face breaks into a slight smile.

“Unlike you, I like my women with something in her head jackass,” Trace laughs. Justin shrugs off the comment.

“So, she’s dog,” He concludes. Trace laughs again and shakes his head.

“You’re such an asshole. No she’s not a dog. She used to model for Victoria’s Secret or something,” he corrects.

“Nice,” Justin quips. Trace resumes his cart movements and the silence takes over.

“You should bring her around, see if she passes the Timberlake test,” Justin says.

“More like bring her around so you can harass her,” Trace replies.

“Either way. Plus you see Jonah. The kid os huge, you’ll shit a brick,” Justin adds.

“Maybe I will come by,” Trace affirms. Justin has to bite his tongue to hold back his excitement.

“Anytime man,” he states.

“As long as you can keep your paws off,” Trace teases. Justin rolls his eyes.

“Man I am so fucking whipped even I thin its sad.”

The words fall from his mouth before he can censor them. Trace tenses and Justin inwardly curses himself. Of course he would fuck the reunion up.

“So you’re still with Mae?” Trace asks. Justin kicks at a rogue fruit loop at his feet and nods.

“We’re making a go at it,” he replies. Trace takes a deep breath.

“Is that what your sorry ass is doing here? You’re cooking? I thought you liked her,” Trace gaffs. Justin smacks him in the shoulder.

“I am fully capable of cooking,” he argues. Trace feigns shock and widens his eyes.

“Tell that to Jamie Sherman. Your pork chops nearly killed that girl!”

“I had never used a grill before. I just assumed they were fully cooked,” Justin rebuts.

“Sure man, keep telling yourself that.”

Their laughter slowly dies down.

“I’m sorry about the way things went down. I never meant you any disrespect and I sure as hell wasn’t trying to step on anyone’s toes,” Justin sighs.

“Let’s just call it over. I was an oversensitive prick and you were your typical egotistical ass self,” Trace states.

“Still man, no more of this feuding shit. I need your hairy ass around. I mean, I have a fucking kid and you need to make sure I don’t screw him up,” Justin informs him. Trace chuckles again.

“Kid couldn’t turn out any worse than us,” he states.

“I gotta go man. Cynthia is waiting,” Trace ends. Justin nods and extends his hand. Trace pulls him in for a quick embrace.

“See you later ass wipe,” Justin calls after him. Trace holds up a middle finger as he disappears and Justin laughs.

He grabs a bottle of wine off the shelf without paying much attention to the year or color. Things are just going hi way.

Traffic on the way home can’t even touch him, he’s even tempted to roll down the tinted windows on his car. He kicks open the door from the garage and lays out his spoils. Jamie Sherman his ass. This is going to be the best meal Mae has ever had.

The sauce is coming to a boil and smells surprisingly edible when the doorbell echoes through the house. Justin bounds towards the front door. He opens it to find Mae facing away from him yelling something across the street.

“The Clash kick Good Charlottes ass any day,” She shouts.

When she turns to face him her normally bright face is cloudy.

“Educating America on good music?” Justin asks. She grumbles her response as she enters, pausing only briefly to kiss him.

“Let’s just say it’s been one of those days,” she sighs and drops her bag and jacket to the ground. She reaches behind her for his hand, intertwining it with hers.

“Where did you order from? It smells fantastic,” Mae comments. Justin grins to himself as he takes the lead, pulling her into the kitchen. He watches as she surveys the pots, pans and general destruction he created while cooking.

“This baby is all a result of Chef Justin,” he boasts. Mae raises a single eye brow and fights off a smile.

“Chef Justin huh? Well he better be good,” she warns. Justin scoffs and leads her to a stool at the car.

“Chef Justin is good at too many things to mention,” he assures her. Mae laughs and Justin simply watches.

“So, what are we having then?” she asks trying to lean in and sneak a peak. Justin slams down the lids and wags a lone finger in her face.

“Don’t even try. Not til it’s done,” he scolds.

“How long will that be? I’m starved,” she pleads. Fighting off the urge to roll his eyes he passes her a roll.

“Gnaw on that,” he suggests.

She takes the roll and rips off a piece, popping it into her mouth. He was going to wait until after dinner to really talk, but he can’t keep it in any longer.

“So I have some news for you,” he begins. Mae chews and motion for him to continue. Justin bites down on his lip a little.

“You know I’ve been working on my new album…”

Mae swallows thickly.

“I love what you’ve showed me so far,” she interrupts.

“Thanks love, but I’ve decided to do a quick small tour at the release instead of the huge drawn out tour later,” he states. Mae’s face is unreadable, mostly because she is making eye contact with the roll rather than him.

“That’s really exciting,” she offers lamely. Justin chuckles and tilts her chin up towards him.

“I want you to come,” he finishes. The shock is more than evident on her face. The roll drops from her hand and stumbles across the tiles floor.

“On tour?” she asks.

“That would be the idea Mae,” he affirms. He searches her eyes for the ‘yes’ he assumed would be there.

“You want Jonah and I to follow you around on tour?” she clarifies. Justin offers her a small half smile.

“Not Jonah, at least not the whole time. Mostly just you,” he answers. Mae swallows again even though the roll is long forgotten.

“But what about Jonah?” she whispers. Justin settles down next to her on a stool and pulls her stool between his knees. He knew there would be a little hesitation, she wouldn’t be the woman he was quickly getting to….that point with, if there wasn’t.

“Kate has a nanny included in her rider for the new movie. They’re going to provide it for her. And since it overlaps with the tour, when he’s not with us, he’ll be with her and the new nanny,” he replies. Mae chews on her bottom lip furiously.

“But that’s my job Jus. I mean, am I losing my job?” Justin chuckles a little.

“Babe that job is yours for as long as you want it, just think of it as an extended vacation,” he suggests. Mae pulls out of his embrace a little.

“And what about my life here? My school, my apartment, my bills?” she rambles. Justin leans back and sighs. This is more resistance than he expected.

“I’ll take care of all that. You’ll still get paid, you’ll just be having a little more fun watching a bigger baby,” he tries to joke. Mae’s forehead remains furrowed.

“You’re ok with Jonah just being thrown in with whoever some movie company deems fit?” Mae demands. Justin throws up his hands.

“You’re not his parent Mae, I get that you’re worried, but that is not your concern.” As soon as he hears the words echo in his mind he knows they were below the belt. He reaches for her instantly, but she stands and backs away.

“I’m more than aware that I am not his mother Justin. I’m just a little confused why the person who isn’t the parent seems to be the only one concerned for his welfare,” she spits. Justin grits his teeth and kneads his hands together.
“Don’t pull that shit on me. No one loves that baby more than me.”

Mae sighs and raises her eyes to meet his.

“I just, I don’t know why you would want to do that to him. Take two of the most important people in his life from him and shove him into the arms of a stranger,” she sighs.

“I’m a little confused here too Mae. I thought what we had going here was a good thing. Between us. Don’t get me wrong. I fucking love the fact that you love my kid, it’s one of the things that makes me so crazy about you, but this is about us,” he argues. Mae nods slowly.

“The thing is Jus, I don’t know how to be us without Jonah. I mean he’s been there for every moment of this. I’m not even sure there is an us without him,” she stumbles out. Justin fixes his gaze on the floor trying to block out what she just said. He hears her shuffling towards him and then feels her arms wrap around his torso.

“So you’re saying that you don’t want to go,” he clarifies lowly. Her deep breath shakes his whole body.

“My place is with Jonah. My life is here,” she answers. Justin nods even though he doesn’t understand.

“I still have to go Mae, you know that,” he says.

“Of course, it’s what you do.”

“And I’m not going to pretend that if you don’t take this step with me that things are going to be the same when I get back,” he states. Mae pulls back a little. He doesn’t want this to end, but if she’s not willing to move with him in life, he can’t stand still and wait for her.

“I get that, I mean it’s completely fair.” Her voice shakes and betrays her words. The sauce pan lid teeters and some of the sauce spills over the edge.

“I just thought we were on the same page here Mae. I thought you wanted to see where this was going,” he hisses.

“We were on the same page, but this tour, this album and every where its going to take you is a new page and I just don’t think I was written in to it,” she replies. He reaches for her hand one more time.

“But you could be,” he suggests. She smiles slightly at him and rubs a hand over his head.

“I don’t think its for me,” she finalizes.

“Because of Jonah,” he states.

“No because of me,” she corrects. The kitchen is overcome by the noises of a good dinner going bad.

“I think I should go,” she finally says. Justin doesn’t argue. This wasn’t the way this day was supposed to go. He wasn’t ready for this outcome.

“Maybe I watch Jonah on my own til I leave,” Justin decides.

“Probably for the best,” Mae agrees. She backs away slowly and even though it’s not being said Justin knows its over. And the worst part is he’s not ready or willing.