She tugged at the sleeves of her navy blue dress shirt.  Her dark brown hair was pinned back into a neat French twist; appropriate for her job attire.  Absentmindedly, she chewed on her bottom lip.

Kate Lauder made red marks on the paper before her.  She frivolously scratched out words and added new ones where needed.  Glancing up at the clock on her computer, she sighed, reading the words faster.

"You ready to go?"  Kate looked up at her co-worker, Jean.  She stood at the door with a stack of papers resting on her hip.

"Umm, yea..."  She trailed off, making a few more marks on the paper before grabbing her own stack.

Kate made her way down the hall to the conference room where the rest of her colleagues awaited.  She immediately took a seat as the editor in chief went through the agenda.

"...and lastly, the celebrity interview will be done by Kate.  Okay, everyone leave your final edits on the table and get started on the research for your next assignment.  Have a good day."

Kate shot up and fought her way to the front of the room.  "Nicole, I don't do celebrity interviews, this must be some sort of mistake."

"It's no mistake.  This celebrity requested you specifically.  Says he loves your work...or something to that extent.  There should be a memo on your desk."  She shoved past Kate to get to the door.  "I have to run.  Talk to you later."

Kate made her way back to her office.  A post-it note sat on her desk and the words written on it was no surprise. 

            Time: 8:23am

            Caller: JC Chasez

            Memo: He will call back later.    

She stared at his name for what seemed like forever.  JC Chasez.  She hadn't heard from him in years and now, out of nowhere he was requesting her to be his interviewer.  She sat down, confused by his actions.

The buzzing of her intercom threw her out of her thoughts.  "Yes."

"Kate, there is a JC Chasez on line four."  The voice of Mary, her secretary rang through.

"Okay.  Thank you."  Kate saw the light blinking next to line four.  She quickly tried to come up with conversation starters, but failed.  Slowly, she picked up the receiver and pressed the button to take his call.  "Hello?"

"Kate.  It's good to hear from you."

"Josh, why are you calling me?"  She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

JC stammered a bit before getting his words out.  "I know I'm the Tokin ass hole right now, but I want to change that."

"It's been six years.  Six years of complete isolation from you.  Why would I want to talk with you now?"  Kate leaned back in her chair.

JC sighed.  "I know, but it's not like you were in any hurry to talk to me either."  He judged by her silence that that was something that she didn't want to hear.  "I'm sorry, Kate.  I don't know what got into me."

"I do.  Who should I start with first?"

"Can we just meet for lunch?"

Kate looked around her office for an excuse.  Since JC was her project for the month, she had much more free time.  She knew that was his way of controlling her schedule.  

She and JC had grown up on the same street in Bowie, Maryland.  Their parents were great friends, so naturally, the Chasez and Lauder kids grew close.  Although JC was five years her senior, they always had a special connection.

"Sure.  I have a few things to finish up around here first.  How does noon sound?"

"Sounds perfect."

Kate pulled into the parking lot of Spago.  She sat in her Honda Civic, preparing herself mentally for her meeting with JC.  In the twenty-five years that she has known JC, she has never felt this intense feeling of nervousness.  She finally cut the ignition and entered the restaurant.

"Good afternoon.  Table for one today?"  The hostess warmly greeted her.

"Umm, no.  I'm supposed to be meeting someone here."

"Oh, yes.  Josh, right?"  Kate nodded.  "He has already been seated.  It will be right this way."

Kate was led to the back of the restaurant where she saw JC sitting at a table alone.  Once he got a glimpse of her, he stood up to greet her.  The two exchanged an awkward hug before sitting down.

He looked over at the young woman sitting across from him.  Her light blue eyes were still shining as bright as ever.  Her smile comforted him just as it always did.  He was trying to remember why he had refused to talk to her for the past six years.

"Are you going to stare at me the entire time or are we going to have a conversation?"  Kate threw him from his thoughts.

JC shifted in his seat.  "You're my best friend, Kate.  I've already apologized and admitted what an ass I was.  What more do you want from me?"

Kate sipped on her ice water.  He was still the same person she had grown up with.  Throughout the six years that they weren't speaking, deep inside, she knew that if she truly needed his help, he'd be there in a heartbeat.

"I just want to know that things can get back to normal between us, but I'm not sure if they ever will."

He agreed with her comment.  They placed their order and sat in silence for a few minutes.  "Why are you here, Josh?  Why now?"

"I want to make sure you're okay."  She glared at him.  She knew there was more to his answer.  "And I heard to you had a baby."

She searched deep into his green eyes.  She couldn't tell if he was happy or disappointed.  "Who told you?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Well, when did you find out?"

JC sighed.  "Scott told me last month."  He said, referring to her middle brother.  "Why did you keep this a secret from my family?"

Kate held her answer as the server delivered their food.  "Things weren't good between us if you remember.  The last thing I wanted was to be hounded by your family.  I love them to death, but I just needed time to myself."

JC took in her words.  They ate in a comfortable silence, finally enjoying each other's company.  "Thank you for having lunch with me."

Kate threw her purse over her shoulder as they stood at her car.  "I'm glad we can finally be best friends again."

"We have always been best friends, Kate."  He embraced her in a hug.  "I'll call you tonight.  Maybe we can do something."

"Oh, I can't, Kendra has ballet lessons."

JC stood there with a goofy grin.  "Right.  Kendra, your daughter."

"Yeah."

"We'll figure something out.  I love you, Betty Boop."

"Joshua..."  She cringed at the childhood nickname given to her because of her sassy manner.  "I love you too."

Kate tried to settle back into her normal routine.  The routine that she had grown accustom to over the past six years.  A routine that didn't involve JC Chasez.  But as she soaked her muscles in her bathtub, her mind continually drifted back to him.

He was so gorgeous.  He had grown into a strong man who had all the right things going for him.  He was successful in all that he did, but when she looked into his eyes, he was still the boy from down the street.

Kate glanced up at the clock.  She jumped out of the tub, realizing that she was now running late to picking up Kendra from school.  Kate threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie.  She pulled her wet hair into a messy bun, grabbed a pair of flip-flops, and was out the door.

_____________________________

"So you saw her?  Did you see the baby too?"

JC walked around the pool table, lining up his next shot.  "She's not a baby.  I told you that.  Scott said she's six years old."

Justin Timberlake banked a ball into one of the corner pockets.  "Wow.  Little Kate Lauder is a mother?  It's weird to think that babies can have babies."

"Kate is not a baby.  She's only a year younger than you."  JC leaned on his pool stick.

"Yeah, but I still see her as that little girl who would tag along with us on tour.  Or the little girl who came to visit you during the Mickey Mouse Club days."

"I know whatcha mean."  JC softly said.

"Who's the baby's daddy?"

JC held the shot in the middle of his pose.  He hadn't even thought about the guy who had gotten her pregnant.  "I don't know.  Scott never said and I never asked."

"Don't you wonder what she looks like?"  Justin racked up the balls to start a new game.

"Of course, but it's all a lot to take in right now."  He admitted.  "I tried to make plans with her tonight, but Kendra has ballet lessons.  It was so surreal to hear her say that."

"She dances?  I like her already."

JC chewed at his fingernail.  "Yeah I guess.  I just need to wrap my brain around all of this."

"Understandable.  Just be sure to be there for Kate.  She needs you.  She has always needed you."

JC found himself in a weird daze throughout the rest of the night.  He was completely dumbfounded by the entire situation.  He should have known though, that Kate was bound to move on with her life over the past six years.

The alarm clock finally kicked on, shouting out the local forecast through the speakers.  A young disc jockey with too much energy came on the air.

"Good morning, Los Angeles!  We have a jam-packed show, so stick around.  Here is the hot new single from JC Chasez."

Kate immediately hit the off button.  "Why won't you just get out of my head?"  She asked herself.

She made her way to the pink painted bedroom next to hers.  Kendra slept peacefully in her bed with the covers thrown over her head.  Kate found herself leaning on the doorframe staring at the wonderful miracle before her.

"Kendra, sweetheart.  Time to get up."  The little girl groaned.  "Come K.  You need to get ready for school."

Kate stood back as she watched Kendra slowly wake up and get out of bed.  "Go use the bathroom and brush your teeth.  Breakfast will be waiting."

Although this wasn't the kind of life she had predicted for herself at age 25, she wouldn't trade it for the world.  Her daughter taught her how to be a better, stronger person.

Once she got Kendra out the door and on the school bus, she sat in the oversized chair with a cup of coffee, overlooking the city.  Lost in her world; it was something she enjoyed doing, but rarely found the time.  A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call before coming over."

Kate cocked her head to the side.  It had been so long since she last saw JC standing on her doorstep.  "No, it's alright.  Come in."

He tried to snoop around her apartment without being obvious.  "Nice place."

"Meets you approval?"

"The offer still stands.  You could be living in a nice house right now.  With your own private backyard and a gorgeous view."

Kate sat back down in her chair and JC sat in the chair next to her.  "I'm doing fine on my own, Josh.  I don't need your money."

Even though her words stung, he knew they were true.  "I know, but I want to take care of you."

"It's been six years.  A lot has happened in six years."  Kate warmed her hands up on her coffee mug.

JC slumped back in the chair.  "Are you ever going to drop that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Kate took a breath before being her rant.  "Because you left me.  You walked out of my life and never looked back.  You chose other girls over your best friend.  I hated you for doing that to me, but I also hated myself for letting you doing it."

"Kate, those girls were all wrong for me.  They manipulated me and sabotaged all of the relationships that mean so much to me."

"Yet, you continued to sleep with them.  You allowed them to tear you away and I'll never understand why you went along with it all."

JC shook his head, trying to put himself back in that period.  He was 24 years old with a successful music career.  His four best friends were with him on the ride of a lifetime.  The boys of *N SYNC were on top of the world.  Anything that they touched instantly turned to gold.

"Let me make it up to you."

"How are you going to do that?"  Kate wondered.

"Let me take you to Mexico.  Take time to relax with me.  It will be like old times.  I'll even get you your favorite room.  You know...the one you love that over looks the ocean."

Kate let out a small laugh as she headed to the kitchen.  "Things aren't that easy anymore, Josh.  I can't just pack up and leave at the drop of a dime.  I would have to call my sister and see if she would be able to watch Kendra.  Then I'd have to be sure that Kendra's schedule isn't too ridiculously crazy.  After that I would have make sure she gets all packed and everything.  And on top of all that I have to take care of myself too.  Plus when we get to Mexico, I'm sure Kendra will be calling every few minutes.  It's just not worth it."

JC suddenly found himself trying to breathe for her.  "I'm sorry.  I guess I didn't realize how crazy things would be."

Kate ran her fingers through her hair.  "My life is different now.  I'm not the same little girl you used to chase around your house."

"I'm slowly starting to figure that out."  He reached out to cradle her hands in his.  "Where do I fit in your new life?"

"There's always a special place for you.  No one can take that away.  You just have to remember that I have someone depending on me every second of the day."

JC glanced behind Kate at a picture hanging on the wall.  "She's beautiful."  Kendra posed for the camera in the black and white photo.

Kate turned around to see the picture that he was looking at.  "Oh, that's such an old picture."

"How old is she there?"  He walked up closer to the framed picture.

"Umm...she's about three there."  Kate watched him as he studied her features.

JC stood silent for a moment before turning back around.  "Do you have any resent pictures?"

She was surprised it had taken him so long to want to see pictures of Kendra.  She figured he was too nervous to ask.  Kate fled to the living room and grabbed a smaller framed picture off the bookcase.

"Is she at school right now?"

"Yea.  She's in the first grade.  She loves school."  Kate sighed.  This was the first event where JC wasn't the first person to know about it and it felt a little strange trying to catch him up on things.

JC finally tore his eyes away from the picture and changed the subject.  "Justin is having the guys over in a little while.  Do you want to come with me?"

"Well, since you conveniently cleared up my schedule for the month..."  JC gave a sly smile.  "Let me go get ready."

"Get ready?"  JC shouted as Kate made her way into her bedroom.  "Why do you need to get ready?"

"I would like to look good, not like it's my lazy day."  Kate shouted back.

"Just don't wear that stuffy little number you wore when we went out to lunch."

"Shut up, Josh."  She emerged briefly to throw a pair of rolled up shocks at him.

A minute later, JC asked, "Are you ready yet?"  He stood at the doorway of her bathroom.

"Does it look like I'm ready?"  She continued to put her make-up on.  "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I'm not.  It's just boring watching you get ready."

"You're such an annoyance.  Why did I agree to let you back in my life?"

"Because you love me."

"You keep telling yourself that."

An hour later, JC and Kate finally made their way to the other side of town.  More cars than usual lined the street next to Justin's house.  JC led her through the house and to the backyard where everyone else was.

"Hey, you brought the M.I.L.F!"  Those were the first words to leave Justin's mouth.

Kate pressed her lips together and glared at him.  "Fuck you, Justin."

He let out a light laugh.  She and Justin had always had a love-hate relationship filled with jokes and insults since the day they met.  "I haven't seen you in-"

"Six years."  She finished for him as she accepted a long awaited hug.

"Right.  So where's the baby?"

"Justin!"  JC scolded.  "How many times do I have to tell you-"

"I know, I know, she's not a baby anymore.  But I like to think of her as a little baby."  Justin waved his spatula in the air.

Kate laughed, remembering how much fun she used to have with these guys.  "Kendra is in school right now."

"I thought I heard that sweet voice of yours."  Joey crept up behind her.  He embraced her in a warm hug.

"Hey Joe, looking good."  She patted his stomach, which didn't bulge out as much as she remembered.

"Brianna's got me on a tight leash."  He said, referring to his own six-year-old daughter. 

After reuniting with the rest of the guys, Kate took the opportunity to relax.  It had been awhile since she was able to take time off from work.  She was usually trying to put extra hours in while still having enough time to spend with Kendra. 

They all sat around the glass patio table under an umbrella eating the meat that Justin had grilled.

"So where are you working at?"  Chris asked with a mouth full of food.

Kate politely finished chewing before answering his question.  "I am a journalist for Cosmopolitan."

"How ironic."  Lance commented.  Although the guys never allowed themselves to get close and personal with the media, they knew they could trust Kate.

"Yeah.  It pays the bills."  She shrugged.  "And I get the wonderful pleasure of interviewing Josh this mouth."

"Do you not usually do that sort of thing?"  Lance inquired.

Kate pushed her plate away and leaned back in her chair.  "No.  Far from it.  I write about the true stories.  Like women finding the strength to leave abusive husband."

"I'm proud of you, Kate."

Kate smiled warmly at the compliment given.  "Thank you, Justin."

"Yeah, I just figured you'd be a stripper by now."

"And I figured you'd have herpes by now."  Kate countered.

"Oh, she schooled you!"  Joey busted up laughing along with the other three guys.

Spending a few hours with the guys made Kate feel young again.  They allowed her to act like she did when she was a teenager.  She found herself cussing and telling dirty jokes.  However, she kept an eye on her watch so that she could get home in time to pick up her daughter.

"How was your day today?"  Kate peered into her review mirror at the energized little girl.

"Good."  Kendra paused before going into her long stretch of the events that went on throughout the day.

Kate usually sat through twenty minutes of Kendra's stories, but it was something that she enjoyed.  She hoped that as Kendra grew into her teen years, she would still feel comfortable enough to tell her mother what was going on in her life.

"Mama!"  Kendra bounced excitedly into the kitchen later that evening.

Kate continued to cook dinner for the night.  "Yes, darling."

"Do you know who *N SYNC is?"

Kate nearly choked on her own breath.  She had never mentioned the group to her and Kendra didn't listen to very much Top 40 radio stations or watch much television.  "Why do you want to know?"

"Because Sarah said her mom let her watch them on TV and they go like this," Kendra mimicked the dance moves to Bye, Bye, Bye.  "And she said that we should dance to one of their songs for the talent show."

Kate nodded while still trying to process the words that were coming at her.  "Are you sure you don't want to do a song from dance class?"

"No, mom," she dragged out the 'mom' part, insinuating that her mom wasn't too hip.  "We have to have the best dance and Sarah says that they are so cool!"  Kendra beamed, dancing around the kitchen.  "Can I go over to Sarah's tomorrow after school and stay the night?  We have to start practicing."

Kate's mind was swirling.  Was it just an unfortunate conscience that the week JC walked back into her life, Kendra wants to know more about *N SYNC?

"Mom?"  Kate snapped out of her trance.  "C'mon...please!  It's Friday tomorrow and Sarah's mom already said yes.  I promise."

Kate lazily rose from her chair the next morning when there was a knock at the door.

"Why am I not surprised you're here again?"  She opened the door for JC.

"I don't know.  But I do know that I should have my own key."

"Why the hell would I make you your own key?"  She flopped down on her bed.

JC naturally jumped in next to her.  "Kate...Come on."

"Josh, I love you and everything..."

"But..."  He sat up, curious as to why his best friend was holding off on giving him a key.

"But, there's Kendra and..."

"And you haven't told her that your best friend is part of *N SYNC?  You know, I thought it was kinda strange that there were no pictures of me on the wall."

Kate placed a hand on his chest.  "It's nothing personal, Josh.  I honestly thought that I would never speak to you again.  I didn't see a point in introducing her to that part of my life."

"To the part of your life that's practically your family?"

She could tell that he was beginning to get heated with this subject, but she wasn't ready to let her guard down.  "You left me.  How many ways can I spell it out for you?  I thought you were gone for good.  This part of my life, the part of my life where you are, is crazy.  I grew up next to you with your crazy fans.  I know how it is."

"But-" 

"Josh, tell me how I was supposed to go about introducing Kendra to someone who wasn't there?"  JC sat in bed staring intently at the wall in front of him.  "We can't keep having this fight."  Kate said, just above a whisper.

JC finally turned his attention her way.  "I'm just angry at myself.  I wish I could turn back the hands of time."

"But you can't."

"I know."

Kate gently stroked the side of his face.  "Just make the most of the time we have right now.  I need you, Josh."

JC kissed her face lovingly.  "I need you too."

Kate burst into JC's room.  She was in a bit of a panic, but tried to hide it.  JC looked up from the position where he laid on his bed.  He casually peeked at the sixteen-year-old girl from the top of the magazine he was buried in.

She stood at the door for a minute, watching him draw his attention back to the magazine.  "Don't you want to know what's wrong?"

"Knowing you, whether I want to know or not, you're going to tell me."

Kate brushed off his comment.  She sat down on the bed, ripping the magazine away from him.  "I need your help, Josh."  JC simply stared at her, knowing that she was bond to continue talking.  "I need you to cover for me."

"Oh no.  I'm not doing that anymore, Kate."

"Why not?"

"Why don't you get Heather to cover for you?  Or even Tyler."  He said, referring to his younger brother and sister.  "Or better yet, you have a few brothers of your own and a sister too."

Kate stood up, placing her hands on her hips stubbornly.  JC knew there was no way out of this situation now.  She was determined and when Kate was determined, things always were done when and how she wanted them.  "Joshua.  You are my best friend.  Heather would end up opening her big mouth and Tyler can hardly do anything right.  Please, Josh.  I will be forever in your gratitude.

JC rolled his eyes up to the ceiling.  "What do you want?"

Kate screamed in excitement and threw him in a giant hug.  "I love you!"

"I love you too, Kate."  He mumbled back.

Kate broke down the foolproof plan.  JC was to call her parents and tell them that they would be going out to the movies and dinner for the night.  After that, Kate would stay the night, since JC was only in town for one more day.  However, in reality, Kate would be spending the night at her boyfriend's parentless house.

"Kate."  JC held on to her arm just as she was about to get out of the car.  "Be careful."

"Josh, I can take care of myself.  I'm not stupid."  JC eyed her.  "I'm not."

JC reached his arms out to hug her before she jetted off into the quite house.  Although he was worried that something bad would happen, he knew that Kate had to make her own mistakes.  There was no point in trying to stop her; that would just entice her to do it anyway.

After watching two of the newest movies in theater, JC made his way home.  Although it was a bit earlier than expected, he prayed that everyone would be in their rooms by now.

"Josh?  You're back early.  Where's Kate?"  JC quickly spun around from the refrigerator at the sound of Heather's voice.

He grabbed a cold beer while trying to think of a good cover-up.  "She is...upstairs."

Heather began to go upstairs to see Kate, but something inside her stopped her before she did.  "She's not upstairs.  I would have heard her.  That girl is so loud.  Where is she?  I thought you two were going out tonight."

"Yeah, we did..."

"Joshua, are you covering up for her?  She's at a boy's house isn't she?"  Heather hissed.

"Shhhh.  She'll be fine, okay?"

Heather shook her head.  "Aren't you the least bit worried about her?"

JC finally sat down at the kitchen table.  "Of course.  I always worry about her though.  She's Kate."

"That's all you can say?  ‘She's Kate'?"  Heather took a seat next to him.  Ever since they were children, she had always tried to figure out JC and Kate's relationship, but always failed.  Heather preferred to spend her time with Kate's older sister, Madison, since the two girls were in the same class.  She always wondered why Kate and Tyler never hung out much since they were the same age, but ended up chalking it up to the option that Tyler was shy around girls and Kate was very forward with guys.

JC ran a hand down his face.  "I trust her, Heather.  Weren't you that crazy when you were her age?"

"Not at all.  I would never spend the night at a boy's house."

"Yeah, that's because you're a prude."  JC escaped out of the room before Heather had a chance to respond to his nasty comment.

A loud thud sounded through the room.  JC's eyes flew open as he searched around the dark space.  Even if he wanted to, he couldn't see anything.  Another crash caused him to sit up in bed.

"Who's there?"  He called out to the noise.

A sniffle could be heard near the window and then a sad, quivering voice.  "I'm sorry."

JC ventured out of bed and walked towards the now recognizable voice.  "Kate?  What's wrong?"

Her damp body collapsed into his arms at the feel of his touch.  "I-I..."

"It's okay.  Don't speak."  He lifted her up with ease and placed her in his bed.  He pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from his bag.  "Here you go."

She took the clothes and changed beneath the covers.  She dropped her pink cotton dress on the floor and drew the covers over her shoulders.

JC stood at the open window.  A million and one thoughts were racing through his mind.  At this point, he was only blaming himself for the distort girl lying in his bed.  He couldn't help but think how right Heather was about this situation.  He should've protected her, but he failed and he wasn't about to let himself forget that.

"Come to bed, Josh."

He turned around toward her pleading cry.  The outline of her body said that she was propped up with her eyes glued on him.  JC gave in and crawled into the other side of the bed. 

He pulled her close to him.  He could feel her body shaking, trying to warm up.  Within seconds of holding her, Kate stopped shaking.  She was relaxed now.

"I need you."  Kate whispered to him.

 JC squeezed her tighter.  "I need you too, Kate."

"You're still hooked on her, aren't you?"  Justin shot the basketball, causing the net to make a sharp ‘swoosh' sound.

"What?  Why would you say something like that?"  JC stood there, confused.

Justin didn't hold back the laugh that was brewing inside him.  "It is so obvious.  You won't shut up about her, you are always spacing out, and you've had that stupid grin on your face since the first day you saw her."  Justin tossed the ball to JC.  "Let's face it man, mama's got the pussy you want.  You got it bad, C."

"Where do you come up with this shit?  I mean, of course I'm excited to see her.  If it had been six years since you saw or even spoken to your best friend, wouldn't you be just a bit excited?"

Justin finally stopped bouncing the ball and took a seat on it.  He let the warm air and hot sun consume his tired body.  "All I'm saying is that it looks like you never got over her."

JC wiped away the droplets of sweat that were forming on his brow.  "How could anyone get over a girl like Kate?"

______________________________

   A warm breeze brushed past her as she got out of the car.  The air was unusually warm for this time of year, but she enjoyed it nonetheless.  She walked up to the quaint little house and opened the door as if it were her own home.

   "In the back, Kate."  The female voice called out to her.

   She placed her purse on the entryway table and scurried to the back of the house.  Her older sister sat at the table, her fingers pounding frivolously at the laptop in front of her.

   "Hi Maddy."  Kate kissed her on the cheek and sat down across from her.

   Madison continued to type out a few more lines before slamming the top down and giving her little sister her full attention.  "Haven't seen you in awhile.  Has it been busy at the magazine?"

   "Last mouth was hell and on top of that it seemed like Kendra's list of activities were endless."

   "But what about this mouth?"  It was out of the norm for Kate to make a lunch date in the middle of the week.  Madison gladly accepted her company on such a day.

   "Well, this mouth I'm doing the celebrity interview on Josh."

   Madison nodded her head in a way that told Kate that she had already known about the interview.

   "Don't tell me you knew about this before I did."  Kate turned in her chair as Madison was up to put the teakettle on the stove.

   "I'm sorry, Katie."  She was the only one who was able to get away with calling her that name.  If anyone else called her that, she'd hate it.  "Heather promised me not to say anything."

   She shook her head in disbelief.  "I can't believe you're still friends with her."

   Madison returned to the chipped painted wooden chair she had been sitting in.  She grabbed Kate's hands from a across the table and held them with care.  "Just because you and Josh had this nasty falling out for reasons only you two know, doesn't mean the entire Chasez family are ass holes.  They would have been there for you all those years, especially when Kendra was a baby.  It was very difficult to keep Kendra a secret from them."

   Kate let out a tired sigh.  She had heard this speech a thousand times and each time it stirred up the same argument.  "Well, I'm sorry to have to do such a thing to you.  Heaven forbid you ever keep your mouth shut."

   "That's not the point, Katie."

   "No, the point is that Josh fucked up our relationship.  What he did hurt me so bad.  It was hard for me to begin to think about trying to be friends with him, yet I did.  And do you know what I get?  Six years without him."  Madison mouthed the last sentence verbatim.  "If you're going to be stupid about this, Madison, you shouldn't have even brought it up."

   "What did he even do to you?  All we ever hear about is this huge feud.  How can anyone feel sorry for you if you won't say what happened?"  Madison searched her light blue eyes for an answer.

   Kate shot her eyes downward.  "You know, it really doesn't matter.  It's an issue between Josh and me and we're working things out on our own."

   Madison continued the conversation when she fetched the crying teakettle.  "But that's the thing, Katie; it isn't an issue between just you and Josh.  You two have involuntarily drugged both families into the hatred.  It's time that this all stops."  She placed the mug filled with tea next to Kate.

   In the past six years, Madison tried to squeeze out as much information as she could, but never got very far.  Heather pleaded with JC on many accounts to tell her what was going, but like Kate he was a closed book.  Kate and JC frustrated their families to no end.  Since Kate was her only sister and her baby sister at that, Madison instinctively wanted to protect her.

   "Since you and I both know that this conversation is going nowhere, can we talk about something else?"  Kate begged.

   The slender young blonde pondered the next topic.  She bounced excitedly when the thoughts entered her mind.  "How are things with...oh, what's his name..."

   "Adam."  Kate mumbled.

   Madison let out a laugh.  "Yes, yes.  How is Adam?"

   Kate took a drink to prolong her answer.  "He's a complete jerk."

   "I hate to say it..."

   "I know, I know, you told me so.  But I guess I just had to find out for myself.  It's not easy finding a guy, let alone finding one who will put up with the fact that I'm a 25 year old single mother."

______________________________

   Kate Lauder pulled her head back, resting it on the cushion in her bathtub.  This was her first day that she had no responsibilities other than to take care of herself. 

   Although she enjoyed spending the day with Madison, it was just a constant reminder of what could have been.  She imaged herself flying all over the world for her job.  She would be the best super model the world had ever known.  That was Kate's "could have been" fantasy. 

   She had dabbed her foot in the modeling industry all through out high school.  Her mother prevented her from doing any modeling that was outside the state of Maryland, but she was well known around town for the ads that she appeared in that were in the Sunday paper.

   The warm water splashed around the tub as Kate jumped up when she heard a loud knock at the door.  She left the water sitting and went to grab her robe, leaving her wet hair to drip.  Cautious as to who was at her door, Kate rose to her tiptoes to look through the peek hole.

   "Josh?  What are you doing here?"  She opened the door and pinched her robe tight around her neck.

   JC stood before her with a bag of groceries and a bottle of wine.  "I wanted to have dinner with my favorite girl."  He pushed his way into the apartment.

   Kate blankly watched him lay all of his items out on the counter.  He turned each container and package so that the labels were all facing the same direction.  Once he felt he had reached perfection, he smiled softly.

   "Don't act like this doesn't happen to you on a regular basis.  I'm sure you've got boys lining down the block to have dinner with you."

   Kate felt all of her blood rush instantly to her face.  "I wish my life was really like that."  She sighed.  "I'm going to get dressed.  Help yourself to what ever you need."

   JC waited until she disappeared into her bedroom before he began cooking.  He tried to navigate his way around the unfamiliar kitchen, making all sorts of noise in the process.  But it brought a smile on his face once he realized that her kitchen was organized in the same way her mother's was.

   Kate rushed around trying to find something to wear.  She quickly threw on a pair of capri sweatpants and a baby doll tee.

   She stared at her reflection in the mirror, ready to pour on the make-up.  "What am I doing?  It's just Josh."  She continued to remind herself.  It had been so long since she received good quality male attention that she was ready to pounce on the first opportunity.

   Kate's heart nearly dropped when she opened her bedroom door.  All of the lights had been turned off.  The only source of light came from the soft glow of candles, which were strategically placed throughout the dining and living room.

   "Joshua Chasez."

   JC turned toward Kate after placing the last dish on the table.  "I know it's not much, but I just wanted to do something special for you."

   Still in awe, Kate admired the table setting.  "Who did you pay to do all this?"

   "There's a lot of information I picked up in the past six years."  He laughed and pulled out a chair for her.

   "Well, this is all very wonderful.  Very unexpected, but wonderful."

   Pinned to the mattress, he carefully tried to stretch without waking the girl on top of him.  He brushed her messy hair down, away from his face.  The last thing he wanted to do was disrupt this moment of serenity.  It wasn't often when he could find the chance to come home with his busy schedule and all.

   "Kate."  He rubbed her back softly.  "Kate, I need to get ready and leave."

   She slowly rose from behind her hair.  Her eyes squinted, trying to adjust to the light in the room.  "I don't want you to go."

   He watched her roll off him and lay on her stomach.  Her head was turned toward him with pleading eyes.  "I have to go.  I have to make money so that I can come home to see you."

   "I wish you would just work a normal job."

   He shrugged and slid out of bed.  He walked across the room and into the bathroom, leaving Kate to fall back asleep.

   After he finished taking a shower and getting dressed, he opened the opposite door in the bathroom, which led to Tyler's room.

   "You taking off?"  Tyler asked when he heard the door open.

   "In a bit."  JC sat at the computer chair and stared at the motions on the television for a moment.  "When's your first baseball game?"

   "Thursday."

   He nodded.  "Ok, I'm gonna try to make it up for one of your games."

   "You've been saying that for years now and each year you never show up."  Tyler grumbled.

   He hated the guilt trip his family would throw on him at times.  He knew they had every reason to be upset with him and for that reason; he tried to be more understanding.  His family kept him grounded and he loved them for that.  "I know, Ty, but this year is different.  Trust me."

   Tyler drew on a slight smile.

   He stood from the chair and glanced around the room, taking in the memories.  "I'll talk to you later."

   Tyler mumbled a goodbye as JC left the room.  Before he journeyed down the hall to Heather's room, he backtracked to the main door of his own room.  Slowly opening the door, he noted that Kate had gone back to sleep.  This time she was sprawled out over the queen size bed.

   Although he had yet to find out what happened to her last night, he knew that he could bring it out of her within the next couple of days.  She was not known for hiding things, especially from him.  She told him everything, even the things he could live without knowing.  On the flipside, she was the person he called just to talk.

   "She's jail bait."  Heather sang softly.

   JC jumped and quickly shut the door.  "Why are you sneaking up on me?"

   "Why are you staring at her?"  Heather had a teasing smile on her face.

   "I'm not."

   "Right..."  She brushed it off and changed the topic.  "I thought she was over at her boyfriend's house.  When did she get in?"

   He leaned up against the railing and crossed his arms over his chest.  "I don't know.  I think it might have been around three or four."

   "In the morning?"  She exclaimed.

   "No, Heather, at night."  He sarcastically remarked.

   She held her head in her hands.  "What happened, Josh?  Is she okay?"

   "Well, she's not dead."

   "Don't be an insensitive prick about this.  What if she broke up with her boyfriend?  What if he hit her?"  Heather gasped.  "What if he raped her?"

   JC slammed his hands on the railing, showing his obvious frustration.  "Would you just shut up about it?  Don't you think I've already thought about all those things, plus other possibilities?  Do not bring it up with her.  Just leave it alone.  Ok?"

   Heather slowly nodded.  She wanted so bad to argue with him and try to get him to talk to Kate before he left, but she knew her brother and knew when to drop a topic.

   He eased into his room quietly and kneeled beside the bed.  He ran his hand over her face and watched a smile dance on her lips.

   "Don't leave me, Josh."

   "I wish I didn't have to, Kate.  But you know we have this exact same conversation every time I come home."

   She lifted her upper body off the bed and held his stubble cheeks in her hands.  "Then maybe you shouldn't leave me."

   He watched her layback down and close her eyes.  It was something she did whenever things weren't turning out the way she wanted.  "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..."  JC softly sang in her ear.

   Kate nudged him with her free hand.  "Josh..."

   "All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go."  He sang again.  "I'm not leaving till you do it."

   She tried to hide the smile as she sat up.  "I'm standing here outside your door."

   "I hate to wake you up to say goodbye."  He sat on the bed and held her close.

   "But the dawn is breaking..."

   "Its early morn'."

   "The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn."

   "Already I'm so lonesome, I could die."  He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes as he finished the verse.

   She rested her head on his chest.  "I'm lonesome."  

   He let out a tired sigh.  "I'll miss you, Kate."

   "I'll miss you more.  Tell the boys I say hi."  She tried to force a smile.

   "I will."  He kissed her sweetly on the forehead, gathered his bags together, and closed the door behind him.

Kate let out a carefree laugh as JC animatedly told her a story.  It was something that she had definitely missed and tried to figure how she went six years without it.

Dinner went well, although the food looked much better than it tasted.  There were some things she knew would never change about him.

"So is Kendra always this quiet?"  JC asked.

"She's spending the night at a friend's house."  Kate explained.  "Gosh, if that girl was here, you would know.  She is a loud little girl."

JC chuckled.  "Sounds like another little girl I know."

"I'm not so little anymore, Josh."

JC sat back in his chair and admired the girl in front of him.  "I still can't believe how the years have gone by."

"Please don't get all sappy on me.  You know I can't stand that."

JC smiled slightly.  Tonight he was displaying a softer side of his personality.  It was a side that was most vulnerable, but to Kate, it was simply another aspect of the boy she had grown up with.   

"You heading home for Thanksgiving?"

He rubbed his face with his hands then propped himself up on his elbows.  "I don't even know if my parents will be home for Thanksgiving."

She rose to clear the dishes into the kitchen, making sure her voice traveled back into the dining area.  "That's right.  It seems like ever since Tyler moved out, your parents have been everywhere but home for the holidays."

"More like ever since my uncle died, my parents have been everywhere but home for the holidays."  He joined her in the kitchen, leaning back against the refrigerator.  "My aunt wants me to convince my mom to host Thanksgiving dinner this year."

"Oh yea?  That would be great.  I'm sure you could convince her."

JC's stomach turned at the sight of Kate.  She looked up at him with a childish grin, reminding him of simpler times in life.  "I know I can get her to do it.  I have no doubts about that..."

"But..."

"But I don't know if I want to deal the negative feelings that could arise."

She wiped her hands dry on one of the red dishtowels and then placed her hand gently on his.  "Wouldn't it be nice to see everyone though?  It's been years and maybe this is just what everyone needs."

He froze at the feel of her touch.  It was something that he realized he missed.  Taking in her words, he felt it would be best to just change the topic.  "What about you?  Are you going home?"  She shook her head.  "Why not."

She finally released his hand and turned around to aimlessly reorganize the spices.  "I don't have enough money." 

He could barely hear her words, but they were just loud enough for him to distinguish her excuse.  "That's stupid, Kate.  I'll take care of everything for you and Kendra."

"Josh..."  She turned around with pleading eyes.

"All you have to say is thank you."  He held his hand up in protest.  "And really, you don't have to say anything.  I'll always take care of you; you know that."

She hated taking money from him.  She felt it made her seem dependent on him and that was the last thing she wanted.  "You can't always take care of me."

He nodded, understanding where she was coming from.  "I know, but when the opportunity is there, I'm always going to jump on it."

She placed her feet on either side of his and wrapped her arms comfortably around his waist, resting her head on his chest.  She relaxed at the feel of his arms around her body.  "Thank you, Josh."

"Anything for you, Kate."  He stroked her hair softly and took in the sweet smell of her shampoo. 

______________________________

Kendra kicked her legs freely in the back seat of the rental car.  Her nose was glued firmly to the window as she watched the scenery pass her by.  Kate could since her energy growing bigger once she drove down streets that Kendra was familiar with.  To Kate, every street from the airport was a memory stored in her mind.  This time, all of her memories involved JC in one way or another.  She just couldn't shake him from her thoughts.

Seconds after the car came to a stop; Kendra jolted out and ran into the house.  Kate was too tired to try to slow down the young girl's energy.  She knew it was rare for Kendra to see her cousins and it was something she looked forward to each year.

The aroma quickly surrounded her when she entered the house.  It was three o'clock and Kate knew that dinner was almost ready.  She always enjoyed the feeling that holidays brought to her and being able to see her family was something that she never took for granted.  She knew that most of the women in the house would be working on the feast, the men would be yelling at the football game on TV, and her three sister-in-laws would be in the basement with all of the children.  That was Thanksgiving at her house every year.

"Oh, there's my baby!"  Her mother, Molly wasted no time embracing her youngest in a hug.

"Hey mama.  I hope Kendra stopped long enough to say hello."  Kate said her hellos to her two aunts and sister.

"A quick hello, but she hasn't seen her cousins in such a long time."  Molly brushed off the child's manners.  "We missed your help in the kitchen this year, but we're glad you made it home.  How did you end up coming up with the money?"

"I guess all my extra work in the office finally paid off."  She lied.

Madison looked up from the stove.  "Hey, don't you get a salary pay, Katie?"

She knew her sister would try to out her, even though she promised not to.  Right now, she didn't feel like going through an intense integration about her and JC.  "I got a bonus this month, Maddy."  She said through clinched teeth.

"Must have been quite the bonus to pay for a plane ticket last minute on Thanksgiving day and have enough left over for a rental car."  Madison innocently spoke.

"Would you just shut up?"  She tried to change the subject before her mother caught onto what Madison was hinting at.  Molly was the type of mother whose house was always open.  She enjoyed being apart of her children's lives - especially through their public school day - but she was a bit naive about events in their lives.  She never believed that any of her children practiced underage drinking, did illegal drugs or had premarital sex.  "So how's dinner coming along, mama?"

"Is that your car out there, Kate?"  Matthew, the youngest boy in the family butted into the conversation.

"Yes."  She mumbled.

Her oldest brother Daniel placed a hand on her back.  "You have to let your favorite brother take it for a test drive."

"What's going on?  What's the big deal about a car?"

"Mama, Kate is driving the brand new Impala.  It's just such an amazing car."  Matthew drooled.

When her father, Jim and other brother, Scott finally joined the room, Kate knew that JC's name was about to be brought up in the conversation she wished she wasn't having.

"Katelyn, how were you able to afford all of this?"  Jim's voice bellowed throughout the kitchen.  Her father usually kept his distance from most family conversations, but when he did put his two cents in, he was demanding.

She let out a heavy sigh before announcing her answer.  "Josh paid for all of this."

There was a sudden moment of silence.  The only sound that could be heard was the television in the background.  Then all at once, everyone began speaking their mind.

"Hold on!"  Molly raised her voice above everyone's as they quickly wrapped up their thoughts.  "Let Kate have the chance to explain herself."

"There's really nothing to explain."  She nervously swallowed the lump in her throat.

"How long have you two been speaking?"  Her aunt Lucy offered up the first question.

"Just a couple of weeks."

"How'd you two find each other?"

Kate closed her eyes as the questions were thrown at her, one after another.  This was what she had been trying to avoid, but she should have known her family better and known that they would push and push until they got the answers they wanted.

After being grilled, Kate helped to set the dinner table.  Her aunt Heidi, the interior designer in the family had already decorated the dining room.  The rest of the family was called up to pray over the food.  The parents dished up their children's food and then dove into their own.

Kate smiled throughout the meal; happy that she had the chance to be with her family.  They ate the wonderful food until they were all stuff and then continued to eat some more.  The women finally cleared the food from the tables and began washing the dishes.

"So how's life going?  It's been awhile since I last talked to you."  Lucy started small talk with Kate while they washed the pots and pans.

"Its life I guess."

"You know you can always move back home.  We would all be more than willing to help you care for Kendra."

At this point, Kate wanted to scream.  Ever since she found out she was pregnant, her family had been trying to convince her to move back.  "It's not about that."

"Oh.  Then what is it?"

She handed over a soapy dish for her to rinse.  "It just gets frustrating not being able to find a man.  I mean, who really wants to go out with a twenty-five year old with a kid?"

"You'll find the right man."  Lucy paused when she heard an unfamiliar voice in the entryway.  Despite her curiosity, she kept talking.  "You just have to be patient.  And remember that you can't make a guy be your ideal husband.  He has to already hold that title before you meet him."

Before she had a chance to respond, her mother's words distracted her thoughts.  "Joshua!  Come here, baby.  I haven't seen you in such a long time." 

Kate watched Molly hug JC as if he were her own child.  In reality, he was her own child.  Growing up, Molly and Jim had the authority to ground the Chasez kids just as Karen and Roy could ground the Lauder kids with no questions.

"I see you on TV every once and awhile and I've even listened to a few tracks on your record."  Molly beamed.  "But some of those songs are just so filthy.  Does you mother know you sing about that?"

"Mama, knock it off."  Kate gave him an apologetic smile.  "I'm sure Josh doesn't want to be lectured right now."

He laughed lightly at the mother-daughter relationship.  "Nah, it's all right.  But my mom did send this over for you."

Molly accepted the aluminum-covered dish.  "Tell her we'll be meeting at a quarter to six."

"That's right.  You two still do that after Thanksgiving shopping, huh?"

"35 years and going strong."

"I know my mom always made sure she made it home in time for that."

"I'm still trying to get the girls to join us."

"Never gonna happen, mama."  Kate and Madison said in unison.

Molly shrugged and moved on to wiping down the counters.  "Maybe I can get Kendra to go this year.  Usually she just sleeps and sleeps.  It's impossible to get that girl out of bed."  She shook her head.  "You've met Kendra, right?"

"No, actually I haven't.  I've just seen pictures."

Molly turned to Kate in disbelief.  "Why hasn't he met her?  That's such a shame."  Kate simply shrugged.  "Kendra!  Come here, baby girl."

The little girl bounced out from the other room at the call of her name.

"I want you to meet Josh.  He's a good friend of the family."

JC knelt down to her level.  "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Kendra.  You're much more beautiful than your pictures lead on to believe."

"Thank you."  She smiled, reviling the gap in her teeth from where her adult teeth had yet to surface.  Kendra raced back in the living room where the rest of the kids were watching a movie.

JC couldn't help but smile at the little girl. 

"Isn't she just-" Molly paused, looking from JC to Kendra.

"Mama, are you okay?"  Kate wondered.

Molly shook herself out of the trance she was in.  "Yeah, yeah.  I'm just fine."

Her legs bounced excitedly against the concrete floor.  She tried to sit still, but it just wasn't working.  Only five minutes had passed by as she waited in the dressing room, but hours had passed by since she stepped on the plane to the west coast.  She hadn't seen her best friend for three months now and in her book, three months was way too long.

   The door flew open as the five men of Nsync walked in the dressing room.  Kate made a bee-line to JC.  She said a quick hello to the other four before jumping on him, nearly knocking him to the ground.

   "Well hello.  I missed you too."  He hugged her tight.  JC loved the times when Kate joined him on tour.  She always brought a feeling of home with her.

   "How come I didn't get that kind of greeting?"

   Kate finally turned from JC to see the pout on Chris' face.  "Next time, I'll be sure to jump on you instead of my best friend of sixteen years."

   He gave her a satisfied grin and went along his way.  "Seventeen years in a few days."  JC spoke up.

   "I know.  I'm so excited!  But I think my mom is a little sad about it all."

   "Why, because I'm taking her baby girl away from her on her birthday?"  He led them to the craft service table.

   She quickly scanned the buffet and ran a list through her mind of the foods that she wanted.  "Yeah...but she has to understand that it's not my fault my birthday falls within the spring break dates.  Spring break is Kate and Josh time; always has been."

   "That it is."  He half hugged her with his free arm, hoping that she knew how much it meant to him to have her on tour with him.

   "Hey Kate," Justin called out.  "Did JC tell you we ordered stripers for your birthday?"

   "Oh, darn.  And I was all prepared to strip for y'all, but if you want professionals to do it, then that's fine by me."  Kate played along with his game.

   Joey jumped into the conversation.  "You could always practice right now for us."

   "You guys know she's underage, right?"  JC popped their bubble.

   "Like that would stop you from doing anything."  Lance mumbled.

   "Huh?"

   "Oh, nothing."          

   As usual, Kate stood off to the side of the stage in an area where she wasn't in the way of the production.  She looked out at the crowd of screaming girls.  She swore the crowd grew bigger and louder each time she came.  To her, she didn't see what all the fuss was about, except for the fact that they were exceptional musicians.  JC would always be Josh to her; the boy she had grown up with and the other four would always be Josh's friends to her.

   It was around three o'clock that morning by the time the tour bus pulled up to the next city.  Kate rested peacefully in JC's bunk while the guys played video games in the back room.

   "Does Kate need to check into a room tonight?"  Lonnie, one of their security guards poked his head in the door.

   "No."  He quickly answered, trying not to let his character die in the video game.

   Justin stared at JC with a million and one questions running through his head.  Even though he knew it was none of his business, JC was one of his best friends and he just had to have his questions answered.  "How is it that Kate's parents are okay with her sharing a bed with you, let alone a room?"

   "I don't know.  I guess they just know that there's nothing going on."  JC gave a distracted response.

   "But she's like five years younger than you."

   He set the controls down, realizing that his questions were not going to cease.  "What's going on, J?"

   "What do you mean?"

   "You've known Kate just as long as you've known me.  Why all the sudden questions now?"

   Justin thought about it for a second.  "I don't know."

   Kate stretched out on the bed as soon as they got into the hotel room.  "I'm sorry I'm so tired.  I just have to get used to the time change."

   JC grunted an answer as he dug frivolously through his suite case.

   "Whatcha looking for there, bud?"

   He didn't answer her; he just continued to dig until a red plastic bag emerged in his hands.  "This is for you."

   Hesitantly, Kate opened the bag and pulled out its contents.  "Joshua, you didn't have to do this for me."  She clung tight to the Chanel sunglasses and Texas A&M hoodie - which was her favorite college.

   "I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to.  I knew you'd like it, so I got it for you."  He sat in front of her, enjoying the happiness on her face.

   "Well, thank you."  She leaned forward to hug him and placed a soft kiss upon his cheek.

   He softly reached out to hold her hand, which brought her attention to him.  "Kate, what happened that night you were supposed to stay at you boyfriend's house?"

   Her eyes quickly shot down, not wanting him to read her expression.  "I should probably get ready for bed."

   She ventured into the bathroom, but he followed close behind.  "Please don't be afraid to talk to me."

   "I'm not afraid."  Kate said, just above a whisper.  JC could hear the tears in her voice.

   "Then what is it?"

   She took a moment to gather her composure before speaking.  "I'm ashamed."

   JC let her continue talking, despite the drawn out pause.

   "I'm tired of being the school slut.  The easy girl.  I want a guy to want to be with me because he genuinely likes me.  I wish he would like my personality and not lie about liking it."  She gave up on fighting back the tears, even though the quiver in her voice now made it a bit more difficult to understand her words.  "All they want to do is get into my pants because they know they can.  I guess I'm just that predictable and that stupid."

   "You're not stupid."

   "But I am.  Everyone in school knows that all they have to do is get me drunk and its fair game.  Hell, everyone in college knows that."  She let the tears run down her face.

   JC stood behind her and wiped away the tears using her reflection in the mirror for guidance.  "Just be yourself, Kate.  Know that it's okay to say no."  She nodded.  "But I guess I can't really preach on this topic."

   She laughed lightly through the remaining tears.  "That's true.  And it's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

   "Oh really?"  He led her to bed.

   "Yes, Josh Chasez.  You are far too hot to be spreading your seed in random places."

   "I use a condom every time."  He protested.

   She sat up with her arms crossed in a very 'know all' position.  "Condoms can break.  Before you know it, you're going to have little Joshes and Joshas running around.  Then the hoes that you fucked will be calling you up wanting child support.  Not to mention the media, they will have a field day and your fans-"

   "You can shut up now."  He cut her off and pulled her to lie down.

   "What time are we leaving tomorrow?"

   "Early."  JC moaned.  Without looking up, Kate knew that his eyes were closed and his body was beginning to shut itself down.

   "How early is early?"

   "Five."  He rolled on to his side to see her glaring at him.  He reached out to tickle her sides and she squirmed at the touch.

   She tried to swat his hands away and move her body to the edge of the bed.  "Josh!  You're going to make me pee my pants!"  She screamed in between fits of laughter.

   "Now go to sleep."  He finally stopped.

   "I would sleep if some would keep their hands off me."

   JC nuzzled his nose in her hair.  "You make it sound so dirty."

   Kate ran her hand down the back of his neck and with great intensity looked into his eyes.  "I am not about to support your sex addiction, Josh."

   He laughed lightly - a laugh that was filled with tiredness - and rolled over to go to sleep.

   The morning air was cold as it ran through the trees.  The neighbor's wind chimes would cling every now and then, adding peace to the scene.  Wrapped up in a down blanket, Kate used her hot cup of coffee to warm her insides and hands.

   She looked out at the back yard, suddenly realizing how much things have changed.  In the back left corner, a garden for various vegetables grew where the sand box used to sit.  The swing set had been taken out years ago along with the trampoline.  Now garden gnomes and fountains took their place.  Even though the objects were no long there, Kate could still envision every detail of her childhood spent out there.

   "What the fuck are you doing out here?"

   Torn from her thoughts, she smiled to herself at the familiar voice.  She watched him come into view and sit down in the chair next to her.  He shivered in the cold and held his arms tight around his body.

   "What are you doing out here?"  He asked again.

   She took at moment to gather the thoughts that he had interrupted.  "I just needed to get out, I guess.  I didn't really sleep well last night."

   "How come?"

   "I don't know."  She shrugged.  "Why are you awake?  I don't think I've ever seen you willing wake up this early."

   "Yeah, I know."  He laughed.  "I guess I couldn't sleep either.  I was actually hoping you would climb through my window last night."

   She listened closely to the emotions that leaked through his admission.  "We've both grown up, Josh."

   "You have.  I'm not so sure about myself.  But every time I look at you, I just can't believe how much you've changed."  He stared deep into her eyes, sending chills through her body.

   She shyly shook her head.  "I'm still me.  You just forgot who I was because you haven't seen me in so long."

   He continued to stare at her, despite the fact that she wasn't looking at him anymore.  He studied her features closely, trying to convince himself that she really hadn't changed.  "If you say so."

   She chose not to respond, instead, she handed him the hot mug and he gratefully took a sip.  She draped the blanket over his legs and moved closer toward his body heat.

   "Are you dating anyone, Kate?"  He noticed the shocked expression on her face.  "I'm not trying to pry or anything.  It's just that, you never mentioned a guy in your life."

   "No, I'm not seeing in anyone."  She now noticed his shocked expression.  "Don't look too surprised there."

   "I-I just..."  After stumbling over his words, he took a moment to regroup himself.  "I just assumed that you had someone serious or at least dating around."

   "I'm not in high school anymore.  I'd like to think I've matured in that aspect."  She thought about the words she had just said.  "And there's also the fact that I have a kid."

   "What do you mean?"

   "No guy wants to get involved with a single mother.  It's just not worth trying sometimes."

   JC left it at that.  He threw his arm over her should and with ease, her body sank into his.  It was at that point that he was finally able to relax and enjoy the morning.

   "Who's Kendra's father?"  He softly spoke.  "Is it me?"

   "No.  Why would you think that?"

   "How about the fact that she's six and we broke up six years ago.  That's just a start."      

   She aimlessly ran her hand up and down his thigh.  "He's no one you know."

   "Kate..."

   "He's no one you know."  She repeated.  "It was just a guy who came into my life right after we broke up."

   "Does he pay child support?"  She shook her head.  It took all his might to not want to press her for more questions about this guy that he now wanted to beat up.  Judging by the sound of her voice, he knew it would be best to leave the topic alone for now.

   Kate heard small noises in the house.  She glanced at her watch and knew that everyone was probably beginning to wake up.  Within a few seconds, Kendra appeared in front of them.

   "Good morning."

   "Morning."  The little one grumbled.  "I'm hungry."

   "Ok...you know that's not how we ask for something."  She lectured.

   Kendra twisted the corner of her shirt.  "Will you fix blueberry pancakes, please?"

   "Have your aunt Maddy make pancakes.  I have to go run some errands." 

   "I wanna go with."

   "I know, but you have to stay here."  She pinched her pouted lips.  "You'll be fine, Bug.  Now go tell Maddy to make pancakes."

   JC kept his eyes on Kendra as she scurried back inside the house.  He got a warm feeling in his stomach when he watched Kate be a mother.

   "I better get going."  She stood up and gathered the blanket together.  "Will you be here when I get back?"

   He followed her back into the warmth of the house.  "Probably not.  I'll stay for a few hours, but there are a few guys that I haven't seen in awhile, so we're gonna get some lunch or something.  But I know that Heather and Ty said that they'd be by later today."

   "Okay."  She responded with a peppy grin.  She reached up to kiss him softly on the cheek.  "I will see you later then."

   "Bye."  He ventured into the kitchen where he found the morning paper.  He took a seat at the island, read through the paper, and listened as the noise level in the house grew.

   About twenty minutes after Kate left, Madison was the first one downstairs.  She immediately began grabbing the dishes and ingredients she needed for breakfast.

   "It's certainly strange to see you here."  She greeted him.

   "It's strange to be here, but it's nice."

   "Is Katie still sleeping?"

   "No, she said she had to run some errands."  He folded up the newspaper and put it back on the breakfast table.  "Maddy..."

   "Joshy..."

   "Who is Kendra's father?"

   Madison slowed down the process for breakfast and leaned on the island in front of him.  "Honestly, Josh, I don't know."

   He nodded.

   "I wouldn't worry about it though.  I think that she probably had a one-night stand and is too embarrassed to admit it.  Plus, think about how Kendra would feel if that were the truth."  She looked at the concern that was still painted on his face.  She placed her hand on his arm, "You've got to trust her on this one, Josh.  That's the only way that we've gotten over it.  And really, she is a good mother, so I don't think there's any point to be worried about it." 

"Josh."

  "Uh."

  "Josh..."
  "No."

  "Joshua..."

  "Too early, Kate."

  "No it's not, it's half past nine."

  "Too early, Kate."

  "Josh!  You can't be an ass hole today."

  He finally rolled over to see her bright eyes staring at him.  "Happy birthday, Kate."

  A satisfied grin danced upon her face.  "Thank you, Josh."

  "Uh huh.  Now go back to sleep."

  He tried to roll over, but she pulled him back.  "No way.  You're going to take a shower and then we are going to start my birthday celebration.  I want to make the most out of my day."

  JC contemplated going back to sleep despite her demands.  "I'm only doing this because it's your birthday."

  She turned on the television after he left the room and waited patiently for him to return.  After twenty minutes, he emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and fully awake.

  "I've decided I'm not going to celebrate your birthday this year."  He announced.  "I'm just going to skip right over it and act like this day just never existed."

  "You do that and we'll never be friends again."

  "Yeah, right."  He chuckled and tossed a box her way.  "Happy birthday."

  She quickly tore into the paper and opened the box to find a set of keys lying neatly on a bed of cotton.  "Why are there keys here?"

  "Well, I figured you'd need those keys to start up the Cadillac Escalade that's sitting in your drive way at home."  Her eyes grew big and her jaw dropped to the floor.  She was speechless.  "You're welcome."

  Still speechless, she hugged him tight, trying to show her gratitude the best way she knew how.  "This is the best birthday present anyone has ever given me.  Hell, this is the best present I've ever received."

  He held her close, thankful for the moment.  He loved it when she smiled, but even more, he loved it when it was he who made her smile.  "You do so much for me, I just thought you deserved to have someone do something special for you."

  "Thank you, Josh."  She said, right before a knock at the door.  "I'll get that."

  "Happy birthday!"  The rest of the guys shouted when she opened the door.  Chris held out a large gift bag for her to take.

  "Thank you."  She let them into the room.  While JC joined them and chatted about the events for the day, Kate tore into her present.

  A high-pitched scream caused the boys' conversation to come to a halt.  They looked over at Kate who was hugging her Louis Vitton purse, wallet, and coin bag.

  "I guess girls really do love that stuff."  Joey shrugged.

  "Thank you so much guys!"  She raced over to kiss them.

  "Did you get JC's present yet?"  Lance eagerly asked.

  She beamed brightly, remembering again the wonderful gift that was given to her.  "Yes!  This is by far the best birthday ever.  So, what are we doing today?"

  "We aren't doing anything."  Justin circled his finger around everyone in the room.  "We have an interview."

  "Oh."

  "But it is LA.  I'm sure a girl like you would have no trouble finding a nice pimp to get you some work."

  "Shut up, fucker, it's my birthday."  Kate didn't feel up to thinking of a clever come back as she usually did.

  JC stepped in and handed her his credit card.  "I figured you could go shopping while we're at the interview, then we can all meet up for a late lunch."

  Upon saying her goodbyes, Kate was whisked away to downtown Los Angeles.  One of their bodyguards escorted her through each shop.  It was something that JC insisted on having and she knew there was no way around it.

  "Hello?"  She answered her ringing phone in the middle of the store.

  "Happy birthday, Katie!"  Madison's voice sang through.

  "Thank you."

  "How's it going so far?  Josh treating you right?"

  "Of course," she laughed.  "He got me a car!  And I'm on a little shopping spree right now, courtesy of him."

  "He always does know how to spoil you.  But hey, I just wanted to say happy birthday and I hope you have a great day.  I love you."

  "I love you too."  She hung up the phone and continued looking through the rack of clothes.

  The guys were already at the restaurant by the time Kate arrived.  They sat at a private table in the back, chatting away.

  "How did shopping go?"  JC slid over to make room for her in the booth.

  "It went well.  Thank you."  She handed over his credit card.

  Kate settled in and enjoyed the meal along with the company.  Although the main topic of the conversation was either about sex or cars, the atmosphere was something she missed since her brothers moved away for college.

  "Would you like separate checks?"  The server politely interrupted their conversation.

  "No, I'll take it."  JC handed her his card and everyone quickly thanked him.

  Moments later, the server returned to the table and whispered to JC, "I'm sorry, but your card has been denied."

  Although she said the words quietly, a hush flew over the table.  Everyone's eyes were on JC as he gave her a different card.  Kate watched as his expression quickly changed.

  "How the fuck did you max out my credit card?"  And there it was; the explosion she knew was coming.

  She tried to keep her cool since she knew that he wouldn't keep his.  "Josh, I didn't buy that much, I swear."

  "Enough to fucking max out my card.  What the fuck were you thinking?"

  "Okay, we should probably leave."  Justin intervened, not wanting to cause a scene that would probably be splashed in next week's gossip column.

  JC angrily stormed out the restaurant after signing for his card.  Justin and Chris rode in a car with JC ahead of Kate, Joey, and Lance.

  "Are you okay, Kate?"  Lance asked while she stared out the window.  She simply nodded without looking back.  "JC can be a-"

  "Prick, ass hole, bastard?"  She filled in the line for him.  The two sat dumbfound and then remembered that she knew JC better than anyone did.  "I swear I didn't buy too much.  I mean, not enough to max out his card...but this may not have been the first time I've done that."

  Joey and Lance busted up laughing at the innocent look she portrayed.  They wondered how anyone could ever be angry with her with a look like that.

  The house was finally quiet.  Everyone was sleeping except for Kate.  She had volunteered to clean up the kitchen since her mother wasn't feeling well.  She wiped down the last of the countertops, straightened the dishtowels, and turned off all the lights.  Her hand reached out to lock the front door, but instead, the door opened.

  She stood outside in the cold.  Her lungs began to tighten as the chilled air raced through her body.  She glanced down the street and her feet began running in the familiar direction.  She didn't know what she was doing or why, but suddenly she found herself pushing open the door that she knew was always unlocked.

  She tried to quiet her breathing as to not wake the family.  Her hand gripped the banister, but she quickly turned around at the sound of the refrigerator opening.

  "Kate?"  JC was shocked to see her there when he closed the door.  "What are you doing here?"

  It was the question she herself was trying to answer.  "I-I don't know."

  "You know why you're here, Kate."

  She tilted her head to the side.  "I do?"

  "Yes.  You know and I know.  You can't sleep and you want to talk about something.  What you want to talk about, I don't know."  He took a drink of his fresh beer.

  She knew he was right.  She just hated that after six years, he was still right about her.  "I'm not even sure I know what I want to talk about.  Or maybe I just wanna be with you."

  He displayed a goofy grin as he shifted his weight to one side.  "You seem lonely, Kate.  You haven't been happy like you were six years ago."

  If it were anyone else speaking to her, she would have brushed the comment off, but she knew that JC wouldn't accept that.  "I love being a mother, especially to a girl as special as Kendra.  But that's all my life is now; being a mother.  I want to go to clubs and dance on the tables.  I want to get shit-faced and then get high the next day."  She laughed as she listened to her own words.  "I want to go on dates.  I want that male companionship in my life."

  "Kate, mother's date too."  He was fed up with her excuses of being lonely.  "Stop using your daughter as a crutch.  It's not her fault that you don't go out on dates.  If you really wanted it, you would do it.  At least the Kate that I used to know would.  It's you own fault that you're so fucking lonely."

  She was about ready to cry at the harshness of his voice, but she tried to hold it together.  "Do you know why I don't date, Josh?"  He stood silent, awaiting her answer.  "I don't date because I do feel it's useless.  No, it may not be because of Kendra, but I have to keep convincing myself that it is because the thing is; every guy I go out with is genuinely nice.  The standard gentleman; hold the door open and stand when you leave the table." 

  Kate felt all her emotion suddenly rush to the surface.  As hard she tried, the tears found their way down her cheeks.  JC stared intently, hanging on to every word.  Every word that she wanted to say to him since the day he left her life.

  "Most women would think I was absolutely crazy for letting some of these men go.  Crazy for thinking...knowing...that there's something better out there.  All those guys were great, but they weren't the man that I had already fallen in love with.  And as much as I tried to make myself love them, I just couldn't."  She took a breath and wiped away a few tears.  "I couldn't make them be you."

   "Thanks guys, but I'll be fine."  Kate reassured Joey and Lance before opening the door to the hotel room she shared with JC.

   She found him sitting outside on the balcony with a cloud of smoke rising above his head.  Without a word, she sat down in the seat next to him and watched as he smoked puffs of the white joint.  He handed it to her and she took a few puffs before relaxing. 

   Smoking pot was a habit that he had unwillingly gotten her into.  When she first tried it, he was so far gone that it would have been a miracle if he had stopped her.  Throughout the months after that, they got in many fights about her smoking.  He finally came to terms that he would have to stop smoking if he ever wanted her to stop.

   "I'm sorry about the whole credit card thing."  He began to explain.  "The card I gave you didn't have a huge limit on it.  I meant to give you the one that did."

   She simply nodded, accepting his apology.  She was thankful that he was high because it minimized the situation.

   The two sat in silence on the balcony for a while, smoking a few joints.

   "You wanna go in and do some shots?"  JC purposed.

   "Are you really that stressed?"  It wasn't like him to smoke and drink this early in the day.

   He shrugged.  "This tour is riding my ass."  He led them inside where he poured out the shots.  Kate was only able to stomach two shots and then had to stop JC on his fifth.

   "I don't want to have to clean up after you on my birthday again."

   "Are you ever going to let me forget that?"

   "Nope." 

   "Dance with me."  He randomly requested.

   A shocked laugh escaped her lips.  "What?  No, you're drunk."

   "I'm not drunk."  He spoke honestly.  She gave him a skeptical grin.  "Dance with me."   

   Kate accepted his outstretched hand and he led her to the middle of the living room.  Jazz music sounded through the speakers as JC began humming along with the notes.

   "Sing to me."  She whispered.

   Words of love poured out his mouth and into her ears.  When he sang to her and only her, it made her feel special.  She knew that he would always care about her, but something in the sound of his voice when he sang to her changed all the stakes.

   He cradled her body gently in his arms, swaying her back and forward.  His hands rubbed small circles across her back.  Kate felt swept away in the moment.  She knew something was different, but she didn't want to stop it in fear of the feeling going away.

   JC pulled back slightly and looked into the eyes of his best friend.  She knew him better than anyone else and stood by him through everything.  His head moved down closer to hers and suddenly his stomach began flipping, but it was too late to stop it.  His lips softly danced on hers.  His stomach settled once he realized she was kissing him back.

   Kate closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment, until JC quickly pulled back.  His body turned away from hers in embarrassment.

   "Josh..."  She reached out and softly touched his arm.

   "I'm so sorry, Kate."  He turned back around with guilt in his eyes.  "I don't know what that was about.  I'm so sorry."

   She was confused.  She thought that he was enjoying the kiss as much as she was.  "Did I do something wrong?"

   "No, no, you were...well, you were great...but," he looked at her standing in front of him and knew that things would never be the same between them.  "Oh, fuck it."

   Kate was taken off guard by the forcefulness of his kiss, but she accepted it, nonetheless.  This kiss was filled with confidence and passion.  Their lips eagerly moved against each other while Kate took the initiative and ran her hands up his shirt.

   He had felt the touch of her hand on his bare skin before, but never with this much intensity attached.  He allowed her to left his shirt over his head as he moved her to the couch.  He lay on top of her, breathing heavy from all of the excitement.

   She felt his hand brush over her breast and she knew that she had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted him right then.  He took her shirt off effortlessly, only breaking their kiss for a moment.  He took a second to view her body in this new light.

   His moist lips kissed softly along her stomach, making its way up to her plump breast.

   "Kate, are you sure you want to do this?"  A look of concern was in his eyes.

   She propped herself up on her elbows.  "I've never been more sure in my life."

   "It's going to change everything."

   "Good."

   This time when JC went in to kiss her, it was much softer and slower.  He wanted her to know how much he cared and that he wasn't like those other guys in her life who only wanted to take advantage of her.  He smiled when he noticed the goose bumps on her skin after he would touch a spot.

   He slid her strawberry red bra off and gently massaged her breasts.  He grinned in satisfaction when her back arched up toward him, pressing firmly on his own excitement.

   A loud knock sounded through the room.

   Kate sat up and stared at JC.  "Who's that?"

   He glanced at his watch.  "Shit."

   "What's going on, Josh?"  She watched him race around the room, looking for their clothes. 

   "Get dressed."  He threw her shirt and bra in her face.

   "Joshua!  What the fuck is going on?" 

   "Your birthday present.  It's the guys with your birthday present."

   Kate could tell that their little make out session left him confused with the way his words were jumbled up.  "I thought you guys already got me a present."  She laughed, trying to make light of the situation.

   "Shut up and act happy."  JC opened the door following another loud knock.

   Justin stood on the other side of the door with a questioning look.  "What took so long to answer the door?"

   "Oh, I was in the bathroom and Kate was on the deck."  He lied.

   "I heard a lot of movement."

   JC shrugged.

   "Well, are you two ready?  The guys are waiting in the car."  Justin ignored the questions in his mind.

   JC glanced behind his shoulder at Kate who sat on the back of the couch, oblivious to the fact that her hair was a mess and her make up was a bit smeared.  "Uh, give us a second."  He shut the door on Justin without thinking.

   "Go freshen up."  He pushed her to the bathroom.  "I'll be in the hall."

   Before he had a chance to turn around, Kate took hold of his arm.  "Josh, please don't freak out on me."

   "I'm not-" he quickly spat out.  "I'm not."

   She felt a bit more reassured when his second answer was calmer.  She stood on her toes and kissed his lips sweetly.  "If you're not okay with this, then I'm not okay with it."

   "I am.  I promise."  He kissed her cheek.  "I'll meet you in the hall."

   After Kate straightened up and changed outfits, she joined JC and Justin and the three of them met up with the rest of the guys.

   "JC, why do you always have to be late for things?  We told you not to be late."  Lance scolded.

   He shook his head and simply apologized.  His mind drifted back to the reason he was late and it took all his might to keep his arousal from showing. 

   He secretly watched Kate sitting in the front seat.  She was staring out the tinted window, but every once and awhile she would turn to her left and have a conversation with Lonnie.  When she spoke, she was so animated that she drew the listener into every drop of word she was saying.  He wondered, though, if this was something that he just now noticed or if it was how she always was.  He chose the later option, knowing that Kate always stuck to her true self, while he on the other hand was blind in life.

   When the car pulled into the near empty parking lot, Kate was still as confused as ever.

   "Can somebody please tell me what's going on?"  She turned to the guys in the back.  They all shook their heads no and she swiveled back around with a slight pout.

   Lonnie finally stopped the car and everyone got out.  She followed them in the building and then down a long, narrow hallway that eventually led them outside.

   She was still a bit confused as she stared at the racecar track in front of her.  But when her all time favorite driver, Jeff Gordon appeared in front of her, she was truly at a loss of words.

   "Hi Kate, I'm Jeff Gordon."  He politely extended his hand and she aimlessly shook it.

   "I-I-I..."  She let out a nervous laugh.

   Everyone snickered at her star struck ways.  They weren't used to seeing Kate like this.  "Happy birthday, Kate."  Jeff finally spoke.

   "I'm Kate."  She breathlessly nodded causing the guys to laugh even harder.  She snapped out of the state she was in and realized what was going on.  Her hand swung back to hit the nearest person, which happened to be Joey.  "Stop laughing.  It's Jeff Gordon!"

   "We know, Kate."  Justin leaned in close to her ear.  "And you'll be racing him."

   "What?"  Her eyes popped out of her head.  "You have gotta be kidding me."

   Jeff gently grabbed her arm and led her away from the guys.  "No one's kidding.  Now let's get you suited up."

   Kate prayed that the time on the track would slowly go by, but before she knew it, the time was up.  In her custom-made suite, she drove a few laps around the track, following one of the best racecar drivers.  The guys stood in the pit and cheered her on while taking pictures of this special moment.

   "That was amazing!  You guys are unbelievable!"  Kate bounced as they walked up to the hotel.  Ever since she got off the track, she had been nonstop energy.

   "We're glad you liked it."  They all laughed at her energy.

   "So, Jace, you and Kate wanna come over and watch the match?"  Justin asked when they got off the elevator.

   JC looked down at Kate and she took that as a cue to say something.  "I think I'm a bit tired, but if you wanna go, that's fine."

   He wasn't sure if he was the only one who heard the hint of sexual eagerness in her voice.  Or maybe he just wanted her so bad that he was imagining things.  "Uh, yea.  I think I'm gonna call it a night.  I need to catch up on sleep."

   "You sure?"  Justin asked.  He thought it was strange for JC to pass up a boxing match.  He was usually the first one there making bets.

   "Yea, I'll see you guys in the morning."  He waved goodbye and followed Kate into the room.

   "Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful."  Kate softly spoke as she slipped her shoes off.  "I can't wait to drive my new car.  But why did you get me a car, Josh?  Isn't that a bit much?"

   "I told you, I wanted to do something special for you because of everything that you do for me."  He explained again.

   She shook her head in confusion.  "But I've never done anything to the extent of buying you a car."

   "No...  But you are always there for me.  You put up with who I am and the baggage I tote along with me.  I know that can be frustrating and very difficult at times.  All that is worth more than a car to me."  He spoke from his heart.

   She genuinely smiled and walked up to him.  "Hey Josh..."

   "Hey Kate..."

   She leaned into him and he naturally wrapped his arms around her.  "Can we finish what we started earlier today?"

   A smile danced on his face in response to her quiet words.  He didn't want to sound too eager, so he asked, "don't you want dinner first?"

   Kate held his face and knew that he wanted the same thing she did.  "We can call room service later.  I'm not really hungry for food at the moment."

   He gave up on resisting the urge and kissed her soft lips.  "Me either."  He said in between kisses.

   JC pushed her toward the bedroom and onto the bed.  He kneeled over her and took his shirt off before going down to kiss her.  He took her lips in slowly, enjoying each taste.  His body nearly collapsed when he felt her tongue inch its way into his mouth.

   Hesitant at first, Kate reached out to run her hand along his erection through the material of his jeans.  This was all something that she had never done before with him, yet she felt comfortable with the situation.  She wasn't going to lie though, in the past, she had imagined what it would be like to be with JC, but her mind always convinced her that she was crazy.

   He moaned slightly in her ear as she rubbed harder, feeling his cock grow stronger.  She teased with the button on his jeans until it released its grip.  After unzipping his pants, he slid them off, leaving him in his boxer-briefs.

   He was thankful that her clothes would be simple to slip off as he untied her halter-top from her neck and around her back.  Once they were both stripped naked, JC gently carried her to the top of the bed.  He sucked on her jaw line and down her neck, leaving her with chills running up and down her spine.  His hand reached down to the wetness between her legs.  Never once had he been so satisfied knowing that he had gotten a girl wet.

   Kate raised her hips to press his finger deeper inside.  He felt her squeezes and only wished to feel those squeezes around his erection. 

   JC lifted his upper body off her and prepared to enter. 

   "Josh, wait."

   He threw his head down in defeat.  "Yea?"

   "I-I-I just...uh.  I-"

   "You don't want this."  He whispered.  He was trying not to get frustrated with her.

   "No, it's not that."  She ran her hand down the back of his neck.  "I'm not sure if I want things to change."

   He brought his head up and stared into her eyes, trying to read her true emotions.  "Things are going to change, Kate.  We've already crossed the line and we can't go back."

   "I know."  Although her eyes were clear, JC could hear the tears in her voice. 

   "Do you trust me?"  She nodded.  "Good.  You know how much I already care about you.  Let me show you now."

  JC stared blankly.  There was so much he wanted to say, yet so many words that he didn't want to speak.  Kate stood in front of him with tears painted on her face.  The usual JC would have cradled her in his arms and wiped her tears away, but for some reason, that was the last thing on his mind.

   "Say something...please."  She softly spoke, keeping her head down to avoid any expression on his face.

   He let out a sigh and took a step back.  "After everything I've done to you, you still want to be with me?"  She nodded.  "Why?"

   "Maybe I'm just that stupid.  Because why else would I feel this way after all the shit you put me through?"

   "Because you still love me."

   "You sure you're okay, man?"

   "Huh?"  JC shook his head.

   "I asked if you're okay."  Justin repeated after finishing his set on the weights.  "You've been out of it ever since Kate left.  What's going on?"

   JC took his turn on the weights while Justin spotted him.  He tried to think up a good lie since him and Kate agreed not to tell anyone about their hook up.  "I'm just ready to go home."

   "Having Kate around really made you homesick, huh?"

   He just nodded and concentrated on getting a good quality work out.  He tried to be his normal self throughout the day, but everyone knew something was up when he missed his cues a few times during sound check and messed up a couple of dance moves during the show.

   "Who all thinks JC needs a night out to get shit faced?"  Chris announced when he climbed onto the bus.  All the guys raised their hand in agreement. 

   "Really guys-"

   "We know, you're fine!"  Justin finished his sentence.  "But yet you're not and yet, we're still going out to party!"

   JC threw his head back and listened to Justin sing and dance about going out tonight.  He knew it would be damn near impossible for him to get out of going, so he would just grit his teeth and bare it.

   The guys made sure JC's drink was never empty.  By early morning, he had let down his guard and found himself flirting with a slew of women.

   "Why don't you show us your room?  I'm sure they gave you the best room."  A skinny blonde sat on his lap and seductively ran her fingers through his hair.

   The guys all chuckled in the background as they watched their friend stumble towards the exit with two girls on his arm.  They knew he would feel less stressed in the morning.

   JC's eyes fluttered open at the sense of light in the room the following day.  All at once, his eyes shot open at the nauseated feeling in his stomach.  He raced to the bathroom, nearly knocking everything over in his path.

   Once he relieved the feeling, he wrapped a towel around his waist and tried to remember what happened last night.

   "Are you okay, honey?"  A young blonde girl sat up in his bed.

   This wasn't an unusual scene for him to wake up to, but this time, he regretted every second of it.

   "What the fuck are you doing here?"

   "You.  I..."  She was near tears by his raging voice.

   "Get the fuck outta my room."  He held the door open as she scrambled to collect her clothes from the floor.  He thought he heard a sniffle escape her from her lips, but he still didn't care.

   Justin slipped through the door just as it was closing and before JC had a chance to refuse his presence.  "You okay there?"

   JC sat on the bed and stared out in front of him.  "What the fuck did I do last night?  What the fuck did you let me do?"

   "What do you mean?  What's wrong?"

   "What happened last night?"

   Justin sighed and sat down next to him, trying to figure out JC's mood.  "We went out and you got pretty wasted.  The next thing I knew, you were leaving with a couple of girls from the club.  Now what went on behind your closed door, I have no clue."

   "I'm pretty sure I know what happened."  He cradled his head in his hands.

   "What's big deal?  So you got laid.  What's new?"

   "Kate."  He mumbled.

   "Huh?  That doesn't make any sense."

   He knew he shouldn't tell Justin about him and Kate, but he was his best friend.  He and Justin rarely hid anything from each other.  "Kate and I...hooked up when she was here."

   Justin's eyes grew big and his jaw dropped.  Him and the other guys always sensed that JC and Kate held sexual tension between them, but they never thought they'd act on it, at least not until Kate was legal.

   "But you two aren't together, right?"  He nodded.  "So I'm still not seeing what the big deal is about you getting laid last night.  You're a free man!"

   "Yeah, but Kate's not a slut."  Justin let out a laugh.  "She's not.  I know her better than you ever will.  Something like this would hurt her.  Even though we're not together, sex is important to her...at least she wants it to be."  He thought about his words.  "I mean, she wasn't even drunk when we did it.  God, I fucked up!"

   Justin sat and watched his friend tear himself apart.  "Just don't tell her.  You know none of the guys would ever talk about that shit with anyone else and you know I'd never say anything.  Kate doesn't even have to know."          

   "Do you still love me?"  Kate timidly asked, fighting back the tears.

   JC gripped the edge of the sink as he looked out the window.  "You almost drowned in the river back there."  He didn't wait for her response, even though he knew that she had no idea what he was talking about.  "You were two...maybe even one and a half...just a baby.  My mom was inside cooking and she told me to watch you.  Make sure you didn't eat anything, make sure you didn't get into anything you weren't supposed to.  But she absolutely stressed to make sure you didn't get too close to the water."

   Kate tried to read his expression, but with his back turned, he was a blank slate.  She wondered why she never heard this story before.

   "I don't even remember what I was doing, but I wasn't watching you.  I'll never forget hearing that cry that you made.  It just tore me apart.  I jumped in the water and by then, you were close to the middle.  Looking back now, I realize how dangerous it was for me to go in after you, but I didn't care...and I still don't regret it."  She could see his shoulder muscles tense up as the story went farther.

   "I pulled you out of the water and you weren't breathing.  I wasn't afraid to tell my mom what happened; I was afraid that if I left you, you'd be dead by the time I came back.  So I just pressed on your chest - since that's what I'd seen on TV.  It seemed like a lifetime before you started breathing again."  He took a deep breath.  "It was then that I realized how much I cared about you.  I vowed to myself to always be there for you."  He laughed lightly to himself.  "Then about a year later, you started talking and I completely feel in love with you."

   Kate hesitated before she spoke.  "So you do still love me?"

   JC turned from the sink, setting his empty bottle on the counter.  He walked up to her and stared into her eyes, hating the words that were about the come out of his mouth.  "You can do better than me."

   Kate felt his lips brush the corner of her own and watched him walk past her into the darkness.  She fell to the wood floor and sobbed.

   JC sat at the top of the stairs, listening to her cry.  He didn't know why, but he just couldn't bring himself to walk into his room where he knew he wouldn't be able to hear her cries.

   Kate flew back home the following morning and settled into her normal routine.  She would shuttle Kendra all around town for her various events and at the end of the day, try to find a moment to herself.  It was a simple routine; one that she had gotten used to over the years, but part of her wished that things were different.

   Kendra didn't seem to be phased by Kate's going and coming emotions.  She was content in her own world of being a kid and Kate was glad.  Although, she had began noticing Kendra's growing obsession in Nsync.  When she first told her about the dance at school, Kate figured it would stop at the one song, but now she wanted to know anything and everything about them.  Kate even had to go out and buy a few of their albums for her.

   "K, why do you like them so much?"  Kate asked one night over dinner as Kendra went on and on about Nsync.

   "They're good..."  She wrapped a strand of hair behind her ear.  "And I feel a connection."

   Kate nearly choked on her food.  Sometimes she underestimated the six-year-olds ability to grasp concepts.  "A connection?  What are you talking about, baby girl?"

   "I don't know."  She shrugged.  "I just feel a connection to JC."

   "What kind of connection?"  Kate grilled.

   She shrugged again.  "I don't know, mom.  Maybe it was just a dream, but I feel connected to him."

   Kate sat back in her chair and decided to drop the subject, even though it was still swirling in her mind.

   The next day at work, she was reminded of the celebrity interview she had to submit in a few days.  She sighed and decided to procrastinate for the day.  She picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

   "Hey.  Can we meet for lunch?  I just really need someone to talk to.  Okay, see you then."  She hung up the phone, collected her belongings, and left the office for the day.

   "So talk to me, what's going on?"  Madison asked as they ate their food.

   Kate picked at her Asian salad, trying to decide where to begin the conversation.  "I was stupid to let Josh back into my life."

   Madison rolled her eyes.  "What did the boy do now?  I'm starting to think he's no good for you."

   "Don't say that."  She took offense.  "Josh is...well he's just..."

   "No good for you.  You know how in all those stories where the best friends start to have feelings for each other, but then they say that they don't want to ruin the wonderful relationship they have?"  Kate reluctantly nodded.  "Yeah, you two didn't do that and now look where it's gotten you."

   "This lunch with you was supposed to help me, not make me feel worse."

   "I don't know what else to tell you, Katie.  To be honest, it's really hard to give advice because I don't know the full story."

   "No one knows the full story."

  The rest of the year came and went.  JC and Kate never spoke of the things they did behind closed doors; Justin was the only one who knew about it.  Although they never declared themselves an official couple, they did all the things that a normal couple would do.

   Whenever JC was in town, he would wine and dine her; making sure, she knew how much he cared.  He would always rent out a room at a hotel a couple towns over so that he and Kate could have a chance to be intimate.

   However, the pain of guilt that JC held when he was away from her would come and go.  He couldn't stop his habit to sleep around and some mornings he felt he'd rather die than face another day with the decisions he made the night before.

   "So you invite me to Maryland and you don't even wanna hang out with me?  What's up with that?"

   "Stop being a girl."  JC mumbled as he dug through his packed suitcase for something to wear.  "I thought you and Tyler were going out anyway."

   Justin sat on the edge of JC's bed.  "We are.  I'm just giving you a hard time."  He reached out for the framed picture that sat on his dresser.  The picture must had been taken a year or so after Nsync was first formed, judging by JC's hairstyle.  Kate was perched on JC's back, arms wrapped loosely around his neck.  Justin recognized the backyard as the one in Orlando when him, JC, and Chris shared a house.  They both had easygoing grins plastered on their faces and even though he thought he was imagining it, he could have swore he saw love in their eyes.

   "How is Kate doing?"  Justin asked, still engulfed in the picture in front of him.

   "Uh, she's good.  She graduates next week, you know?"

   Justin simply nodded.  "And then what?"

   Distracted by his clothes, JC took a moment before answering.  "Well, she got a scholarship to UCLA.  And since I was thinking about getting a house out there anyway, I figure this would give me more reason to do so."

   "So you and Kate are going to move in together?"

   "That's what I'm going to ask her tonight."  He disappeared into the bathroom for a few seconds.

   "If Kate is eighteen now, why are you still keeping the relationship a secret?"

   The look in JC's eyes told him that he hadn't even thought about that question.

   With much hesitation, Justin asked his next question.  "I don't wanna be rude or anything, man, but are you still cheating on her?"

   JC immediately stopped what he was doing.  He didn't know if he should answer the question or go with his emotions and punch Justin.

   "I just don't think it's fair to her."  He spoke up when JC didn't say anything.  "I mean, you two have been together for over a year now-"

   "Would you just shut the fuck up?"  JC said behind clenched teeth.

   "I'm just saying..."

   "I know what you're saying, trust me.  But I don't want to hear it."  He swung his carry-on bag over his shoulder and headed for the door.  "I'll see you in a couple of days."  

JC arrived at the swanky hotel right as the sun was setting.  He made his way up to the room that he and Kate always stayed in.  To his surprise, she wasn't in the room yet.  He took the opportunity to freshen up a bit and get settled.  By the time he was done, the front door swung open.

   "Josh!"  Kate called out and lowered her voice once he came into view.  "I'm so sorry I'm late.  They want us to do all these last minute things before graduation, apparently the college lost one of my papers for admissions so I had to take care of that, and my mother...dear Lord I don't even know where to begin.  If she's not smothering me all the time, then it's like she's depressed that I'm leaving."  She threw her hands in the air with a sigh.  "But you're here and I'm happy that you are and that's all that really matters."

   JC smiled as he watched her rant about her day.  He gladly accepted her hug and kiss once she was finished.

   "How was your day, Josh?"

   "Pretty boring compared to yours."  He laughed.  "We flew in from LA and just hung out for a few hours before I left."

   "That's right; Justin came with you, huh?"  She asked, not expecting a response.  "I feel bad now.  You should be spending time with him, not me."

   JC followed her into the small kitchen as she unpacked the groceries that she had brought with her.  His mind couldn't help but wonder if this is what life would be like if Kate moved in with him.  "Kate."  He pulled her away from her task.  She stared at him with a questioning look.  "I want you to move in with me."

   It took a few moments before she was able to find the words to speak.  "What are you talking about, Josh?  You live in Orlando and I'm moving to California...I don't get it."

   He laughed at her confusion.  "Let me try again.  You know how I've been thinking about getting a house in LA?"  She nodded slowly.  "Well, I'm ready to get that house and I would love it if you were to move in with me."   

   Kate walked up to him with an unreadable grin on her face.  "You really want me to move in?  I mean...do you...do you think we're ready for that?"

   "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think we were ready for it."  JC feared that Kate wasn't on the same page as him by the look in her eyes, which sent him into a panic mode.  He tried his best to hold it in until she gave a clear answer.

   She sat on the bar stool with her eyes cast downward.  "I don't know, Josh..."

   "What don't you know?"

   "It's just that it's my freshman year of college.  Plus, how often would you be there?"  She asked.

   Even though that should have been the first think he thought about, the fact that he may not be around too often hadn't even crossed his mind, but he wanted to try and convince her otherwise.  "Things aren't going to be as crazy as they were last year.  There won't be any law suites and no crazy, unusual distractions.  We'll record the rest of the album in LA and do all the press there too."

   "What about the tour?"

   "Well...that's inevitable.  But I'll fly back every couple of weeks, even every week if I can make it."

   Kate bit at her bottom lip, debating her answer.  She looked up at him with a smile.  "My mom's going to kill me."

   "How are you doing, sweetie?"

   "Let's just get this over with."

   JC nodded and straightened up in his chair.  He answered the grilling questions that Kate shot out at him, which were mostly about his new album, being a solo artist, and the ever-popular questions about his love life.  Her questions were generic, too the point, and typical of a female magazine.

   "Do you have a girlfriend at the moment?"

   "Nope.  I'm enjoying being single."

   "When was your last relationship?"  Kate felt her emotions beginning to drag into the interview.

   "Um, about three months ago."  He shifted in his chair.

   "And why didn't that relationship work?"

   JC eyed her before answering the question.  He was trying to figure out if the question was part of the interview or for her personal knowledge.  "Things started to pick up with my album and promoting it.  I didn't have the time to be that perfect boyfriend."

   "Have you ever been ‘that perfect boyfriend'?"

   Her words cut through him.  He shook his head and softly said, "No."

   "Have you ever had the perfect girlfriend?"

   "I let her get away."

   "And she didn't come back to you?"

   "She did, but I still let her go."

   "Why would you let go perfection?"

   "Because if I can't give her the perfection that she gives me, I don't think that I deserve to be with her."  He stared into her eyes.

   "What if she doesn't care about that?"

   JC clinched his jeans tight.  He was holding back everything and afraid that it may all out at once.  "Give it up, Kate.  We'll never work."

   "I can't give you up, Josh.  How could you expect me to do something like that?  I still love you and I know that you love me too."  She brushed away the tears.  "Just stop lying to the both of us.  Please."

"Welcome home! Here, here, put those down. Let me show you everything."

Kate giggled at his excitement. She humored him and went along with everything like a good sport. As they walked through their new home, Kate had to admit that she was amazed.

"This is all really nice, Josh."

"So you like it?" He sighed with relief. "I just wish you could have had the chance to look at places with me."

"I know, but I had to spend time with everyone back home since I won't see them till Thanksgiving." She explained. "Plus, I told you we could stay at a hotel while we looked."

JC sat back on the leather sectional in the family room. "I know, but I wanted everything to be ready for you when you got here."

"You know you could have at least let me decorate and save your money. I'm sure a professional decorator cost a fortune."

"It was nothing, really." He pulled her down on his lap. "I wouldn't want to have you stressed out before you start school, anyway."

Kate kissed his nose lovingly. He groaned as she sifted positions on top of him. Her smooth legs draped on either side of him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her lips fell upon his, enjoying the passion that they held.

"What do you say we go test out that new bed upstairs." JC grinned.

"Thank you so much, Maddy. I owe you-"

Madison held her hand up. "Do what you have to do. Kendra and I will just have a girl's weekend."

Kate hugged her sister before handing over Kendra's duffel bag. "I'll call you on Sunday. Bye Kendra!"

The girl ran around the corner and gave her a tight hug. "Bye mom."

"I love you."

Kate drove the half hour drive out to the end of town. It had been years since she made this secluded drive to JC's house, yet it seemed as if nothing had changed.

"Kate? Seriously?" JC sighed when he opened the door for her.

"Can you please stop being an asshole for two minutes and just talk to me?"

He nodded and led her to the family room. Without asking, JC poured two glasses of Chardonnay and sat across from her on the couch. She took a moment to enjoy the wine before looking up at him.

"I don't think I ever really got the chance to thank you for giving Kendra and me the opportunity to go home for Thanksgiving."

"It's no problem."

She nodded and sat in the awkward silence. Kate glanced around the room and smiled inside when she saw pictures of her on the mantle and end tables. It gave her confidence that she still knew him better than anyone else did.

As the minutes went by, the ice was slowly broken through small talk. They found themselves laughing at old jokes and fun memories.

"Come have a smoke with me." JC suggested.

Kate sat down her third empty glass of wine. "You still do that?"

"Not as often as I used to. I figured it'd be like old times. C'mon."

She bashfully smiled and shook her head. "Josh, I'm not into that anymore. I gave that up the day I found out I was pregnant."

"Well you're not pregnant anymore, so let's go."

Kate fell into his pressure and joined him outside on the patio. She couldn't even begin to count the number of times in the past that she found herself on this patio, relaxing with a fat blunt.

In the silent darkness of the night, JC spoke up. "You still look as beautiful as ever, Kate."

She looked up at him with a smile. Even though most would say his words were masked by the drugs, Kate knew that they were the truth.

"Why did you really come here tonight?"

"I thought you knew everything about me." She countered.

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

Kate lay out on the bed with the covers still piled on top of her. She hadn't had a day off from school in months, so she was determined to make the most of it.

She groaned at the sound of the doorbell echoing through the large house. "Yea." She spoke through the intercom in the bedroom.

"Hey Katie! Let me in, I wanna see this fabulous mansion that Josh couldn't live without."

Kate laughed at the sound of Madison's cheerful voice. "Come in through the garage." She pressed the button to open the main gate and then the one that opened the garage door. She waited patiently for Madison to make her way up the drive.

"Wow, Katie, this place is amazing." She looked around in awe. She ran her hand over the smooth granite countertops in the kitchen and made her way to the family room. "And this view..."

Kate leaned against a wall, still trying to wake up. "Yeah, surprisingly, Josh has good taste when it comes to picking out homes."

Suddenly her expression grew serious and Madison grabbed her sister's hands. "Katelyn. Be honest with me." She nodded, trying to foresee where this was going. "What's the real reason you moved in with Josh instead of me."

Kate had planned on living with Madison ever since Madison moved to LA to go to school. The girls had always been inseparable since they were young, yet everyone knew that Kate and JC held a very close relationship also. But Madison was shocked and upset when she heard that JC would be buying a new house and Kate would live with him instead of her.

"I told you, it would be a tight squeeze for us to live in your house together. JC has all this room where I can study when ever I need to or blear my music when I want." Kate shrugged.

Madison folded her arms over her chest and shifted her weight to one side. "Katie, please don't give that bull shit answer. I'm not naïve like mama, so just tell me what's up."

She sighed heavily and walked over to start the coffee machine, just to kill time. "Well. Josh and I are a couple."

Madison stood speechless. She was excepting an answer along the lines of Kate being embarrassed to live with her in her small home. She never expected the answer she received. "What? You've gotta be shitting me."

Kate tried to hide the smile that had been waiting for a year to come out. "No, I'm not shitting you. I'm dating Josh."

"That's so strange. I knew you guys were close, but...I don't know...it's Joshua." She sat down at the table. "How long?"

She wasn't sure if she should lie about this question or not. "Um..."

"Katie, don't lie."

"Over a year."

Maddy's eyes grew big. "And you didn't tell me? Does Heather know?"

She shook her head. "Justin's the only one that knows."

"Do you love him?"

"I should probably be heading home. It's getting pretty late."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"I'll be fine, Josh." She stood up and began swaying, yet kept walking.

JC grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into himself. "I have plenty of room here." He whispered in her ear. "There's no need for you to rush out and possibly kill yourself."

"You worry too much." She slurred.

He braced himself as all of her body weight fell onto him. Effortlessly, he scooped her into his arms and carried her up to one of the guest bedrooms. After removing her shoes, he draped the sheets and blanket over her, and kissed her forehead.

Kate woke up the next morning with all the typical symptoms of a hangover. She glanced around the room as her memory began to kick in and tell her where she was.

She eased down the hall to JC's room where she figured he'd be asleep at this hour in the morning.

"Oh, you're awake." She pushed the door open further and walked up to the bed where he sat.

"Yeah, well someone had to take care of you through the morning."

Despite the pain, Kate slapped her hand to her head and groaned. "I'm so sorry, Josh. How bad was I?"

He shrugged and placed the paper that he was reading on his lap. "Not too bad. It's just been awhile since I've had to take care of a drunken girl."

"Why'd you let me go so far?"

"So I could take advantage of you." JC joked.

She laughed and sat on the other side of the bed. "Not much has changed in here."

"Yeah, well, I guess I really don't have anyone I need to impress anymore." His heart tore at the admission of his own words. "I'm really sorry, Kate, for what I did."

She stared off and listened to him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are beginning our descent into New York City. The current time is eleven fifteen and it is forty-three degrees with overcast. Thank you for flying United. We hope that you think of us for your next trip."

Kate sat up excitedly in her seat as the captain made the announcement that she had been waiting for hours to hear.

After she left the plane, she made her way outside, caught a cab, and informed him of her final stop.

Kate walked down the hall where the guys were staying for the next few days. Just as she was about to reach up to knock on JC's door, she heard someone call her name.

"Hey Justin. How's it going?"

"What are you doing here?" She was a bit put off by his talk and he quickly tried to change that. "I mean, I didn't think you were supposed to get in till tomorrow."

"Yeah...I was able to leave my classes early, so I thought I'd surprise Josh." She stood confused.

Justin nodded nervously. "So you didn't call him and tell him you were coming?"

"No. I'm pretty sure that would have ruined the surprise. Don't you have some club you need to go to or something?" Kate proceeded to knock on the door. When she noticed Justin still standing there, she gave him a questioning look, but he remained still.

Once JC opened the door, her look of confusion grew deeper. He peeked through the cracked door and she could tell that he was wearing very little.

"Hey sweetie." She tried to smile although everything in her brain was running wild.

"Um, um..."

"Kate..." She filled in the blank when she noticed he was searching for her name.

"Yeah, yeah. What are you doing here?"

Before she could reply, a soft whine emerged from the dark background. The voice called out his name and all at once, it hit her. It answered everything; why he wasn't fully dressed, why it was dark in the room, and why he wouldn't let her inside.

Kate pushed the door open with the strength of her anger. She shoved passed JC to see a girl sitting in his bed naked. She turned back to him as he stood with his head against the wall.

She didn't know what to say. It was like she was dreaming and every time she tried to open her mouth to scream, nothing came out.

"Kate." He reached out to touch her.

She whipped her arm back immediately. "Do not touch me, Josh." Her mouth finally found connection with her brain. "How could you? Why?"

Kate didn't expect any answers from him, nor did she want to hear them. She raced out the room just as the tears were forming. The only thing that Kate remembered next was running. The tears in her eyes blocked her vision and her mind was in another world.

When Justin first saw Kate that night, he knew that nothing good could come out of the events to unfold. He waited. He waited for Kate. When she raced out of the room, he reached out to catch her. After trying to fight him off, she finally stopped and allowed him to hold her as she sobbed.

Justin shot JC a death look as he went back into his room. The busty blonde quickly exited the room and the door remained shut for the rest of the night.

"Come on, baby girl. You're staying with me tonight." Justin lifted her in his arms, realizing that she wouldn't have the strength to walk.

He laid her down in his bed and sat by her side for a few hours watching her cry. A few times, he noticed her drift into a sift sleep, but then out of nowhere, she'd just start sobbing again.

The sun was just rising over the horizon when Justin turned from the window to see Kate sitting up. She held a blank stare on her face, her eyes still swollen and red. His heart dropped.

"What did I do wrong?" Her voice was just above a whisper as he strained to hear her words.

He immediately rushed to her side; stroking her tangled hair. "Don't even think that this is your fault, Kate. It's not your fault."

She nodded slowly, taking everything in. Justin tried to pull his thoughts together and say something nobler. Something that would rest her racing heart.

Through the silence, Kate asked, "You knew, didn't you?" She took his quietness as all of the answer that she needed. "You knew that your best friend was cheating on his girlfriend and you didn't say anything." She calmly stated.

"I tried." He gave his honest answer. "I tried to get him to stop. You have to believe me, Kate. We ended up in a fistfight at one point. He would always tell me that he was going to stop, but never did."

"How many were there?"

Justin looked down at her broken body as she shook with overwhelming emotions. "I'm not going to tell you that, Kate."

"Justin..." She moaned. She knew that she shouldn't hear the answers to her questions, but she also knew that it would eat her inside if she didn't.

He felt like he was just turning the knife deeper into her back and he hated that feeling. "I love you, Kate. I don't want you to hurt, but I know you do. I just wanna make you feel better right now and you hearing the answers to those kinds of questions will not make you feel any better."

She nodded, accepting his answer. She leaned into him, hoping that there would at least be something in his touch that would make her feel better.

"Should I get tested?" She choked out.

At that moment, Justin knew that he had never felt so much hatred towards a person as he did towards JC. He didn't mind picking up the pieces because Kate was like a sister to him, he just hated the fact that he would have to do it in the first place. "It wouldn't be a bad idea."

"That girl was gorgeous." She dismissed his last statement, not allowing her mind to think that she could be infected.

"She's a fucking slut. She's not gorgeous." He sighed and brought her face up. "You know that I would never lie to you. There are so many great qualities about you, Kate that I don't even know where I would begin. JC is a fucking alcohol, whore-loving asshole who does not deserve you. There is someone out there who will treat you better than he ever will. You hear me, Kate?"

She reluctantly nodded. She knew he was right, but it was just easier to put herself down at that time. She fell back into a state of tears for the rest of the day.

Kate sat at the kitchen island, drinking coffee and watching JC cook the two of them breakfast.

"You're quiet today." She spoke through the silence. "Have a lot on your mind?"

He leaned down on the counter in front of her. Chills raced up and down her spine as he stared into her eyes. Only he could have such a strong affect on her emotions and the fact that he knew it, drove her crazy.

"I want to spend time with Kendra."

A look of shock was painted on her face. That was the last thing she ever thought he would say. "What? You wanna spend time with Kendra?"

"Yeah...well with you there of course." He went back to nursing the eggs.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm sure she'll like that."

"Have Maddy drop her off here. I was going to have a few of the guys over and I know that Brianna's in town with Joey. What do you say?"

Kate wrinkled up her nose, but quickly changed her expression when JC turned around. "I don't know."

"What do you mean? Why don't you want me to get to know her?" JC's brow creased.

"It's just that, she has this little Nsync craze right now-"

"And of course, you still haven't told her that you know us." He slid the eggs out of the pan with a little frustration. "What's so bad about knowing us?"

"Nothing." She mumbled. "I'll go call Maddy."

JC watched her disappear around the corner and couldn't help but think that there was more to the story.

Joey and Justin arrived before Madison had dropped Kendra off. Kate relaxed in the presence of the guys.

"She looks just like Kim." Kate shook her head as she watched Joey's daughter play with Justin.

"Oh yea. She definitely has her mother's looks."

Kate smiled as she saw the proud look in Joey's eyes. For the first time since Kendra was born, she wished that she could see that look in the eyes of Kendra's father. Her pain of guilt quickly subsided when she heard Madison's voice echo through the entryway announcing their presence.

"Hey you!" Kendra raced excitedly into her arms. "Did you have a good time with Aunt Maddy?"

She simply nodded. Kate knew that she was a bit nervous, being in a new place, so she tried to warm her up.

"I have something to tell you, Bug."

"Yeah."

"Do you remember meeting my friend, Josh?" She nodded. "Well, Josh is in the group, Nsync." She stared at her with a blank expression. "You know, JC, right?"

"You know Nsync?"

Kate could see the excitement racing through her body. "Yes, sweetie, but-"

"Where's the baby?" Justin loudly interrupted their conversation.

A high-pitched scream escaped the little girl's mouth. Justin stepped back in shock and started laughing.

"I take it you've never told her that you knew us." He didn't wait for her response. "Hey little cutie, I'm Justin and I'm guessing you would be the wonderful, Miss Kendra."

"Yeah."

Kate rolled her eyes at the way he turned on his charm. She introduced her to everyone else in the house and Kendra soon dismissed the fact that the guys were who they were.

She watched as Kendra played freely with Brianna. After awhile, JC stepped in and asked her to show him some of the things she learned in ballet class. Being the natural performer that she is, Kendra did half of her routine for the guys who were amazed and proud.

"Okay, Bug, we have to get going." Kate announced.

"I don't wanna go." She whined.

Kate grabbed her coat and helped her put it on. "I know you don't, but we have to go see that lady who is going to help you with your singing."

"I didn't know you could sing, K." JC joined the conversation. "Next time you come over, you'll have to sing for me."

Kate and Kendra said their goodbye's and the house grew silent until Justin finally spoke up.

"JC, who's Kendra's father?"

"I told you, I don't know."

Joey peeked in the other room to make sure Brianna was still distracted by the television. "Why don't you just ask her?"

"I tried, but she brushed it off. From what I gathered though, he seems like a real asshole. He doesn't pay child support and he's never been in her life." He tried to explain.

Justin and Joey glanced over at each other, making sure they were both on the same page.

"JC, do you ever wonder if you're Kendra's father?" He stared at Joey, unsure of how to approach that question.

"I asked her if I was and she told me I'm not. Kate wouldn't lie to me. Especially about something like this." He absentmindedly chewed on his lip. "You think that too, J?"

Justin shrugged. "I can't help but think that. Kendra seems to have your personality and there's no doubt about it that she has your eyes and smile. Then on top of all of that, she can dance really well and I'm willing to bet she can sing well too." Justin went on. "Kate can sing and dance to a point, but she had never had that understanding of music like most musicians do."

JC stood, shaking his head. "She could have gotten her musical abilities from her real father who could be any guy."

"Kendra is six years old. You stopped talking to Kate six years ago. Do the math."

"No. She would have told me. She would have said something six years ago when she found out she was pregnant. She specifically told me that I was not the father." His mind was spinning and it took all his might to try to focus on one thing. "She would have told me, right?"

Justin sat there, watching his friend stew in confusion. "You treated her like shit when you two were together..."

"Please, don't remind me." He rolled his eyes.

"But I have to, JC. I mean, why would she want to confide in you after all you had done?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, J." He tried his best not to raise his voice.

"Shut the fuck up!" Justin slammed his hands down on the table. After getting a stern glare from Joey, Justin quickly apologized for his word choice. "You weren't there that night, JC. You didn't have to take care of her for two days straight. You have no idea what it was like...you have no idea what she was like."

"You're right." He said softly. "I have to find out though." JC grabbed the set of keys sitting on the counter and headed for the garage. "I'll be back."

Kate and Kendra had just gotten back from the vocal coach when there was a loud bang on the door. Kendra jumped slightly and glanced over at Kate who wore a worried look on her face.

"It's okay, baby girl." She reassured her. She looked through the peek hole. She sighed and opened the door when she saw JC on the other side. "Josh, what-"

"Who is her father?" He rudely cut her off with his loud voice.

"Kendra, go to your room." The girl left without question, knowing that her mom was serious. When she heard her door close, Kate turned to JC and let him in. "I really don't appreciate you just barging in like that."

"Who is Kendra's father?" He asked again, but this time his voice was calmer.

"I told you, he's no one you know."

JC grabbed her arm just as she was about to walk away. "Kate, you're lying to me."

Her eyes jetted from him to the ground. "Josh." She whispered.

"Say it, Katelyn."

"Josh."

He saw her body start to shake and for the first time since they broke up, he felt the need to hold and protect her. "Katelyn, say it. Say that she's mine."

Kate tried to relax in his arms once she realized he was there for her. "She's your daughter, Josh."

His hands grasped her head as he lowered his forehead to hers. He sighed gently against her in attempt to pull all of the reality together. "How did this happen? When did it happen?"

"It was the last time you can back home from the tour to surprise me." She took a step back to look at him.

"But we were careful. You were always on birth control." His forehead creased together as he tried to figure everything out.

Kate shook her head and put herself back in that time of her life. "I had stopped taking it when you left. I figured that I wouldn't see you for a while, so there wasn't a point to keep taking it."

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? I would have been there for you and Kendra." He softly explained.

"I tried to tell you. You never returned my calls."

"Ever heard on leaving a message, Kate?" He found his voice growing louder with frustration. "Just about every time you called, I was drunk off my ass. After we broke up, the only way I could cope with the pain was to drown myself in drugs and booze. The last thing I wanted was for you to hear me like that."

"I was so scared, Josh. After I moved out, I got a serving job and I worked any shift at the restaurant that I could. By the time Kendra was born, I was able to afford an apartment from the university." She rested her hands on her legs. "When I couldn't get a hold of you, I convinced myself that I could do it all on my own. It's been the most challenging thing in my life, yet the most rewarding."

JC paced around the room, trying to find the right emotion and the words to go with it. "She's absolutely gorgeous, Kate."

"You were around her during Thanksgiving and you've seen pictures of her, what made you question if you were the father now?"

"Justin and Joey." He simply put it.

"Josh, she looks just like you and acts like you too." She laughed to herself. "For the past six years, it was like you were never gone."

"I see it now. I guess the idea of me being a father was so far off that I didn't even think about it." He said. "Does anyone else know?"

Kate shook her head. "Although I think my mom knows, but hasn't said anything. When she saw you two together at Thanksgiving, I'm sure she wanted to say something, but held her tongue."

"Kate." He held onto her hands. "Thank you for raising our daughter while I was trying to figure things out." She nodded, grateful that he wasn't angry with her. "She needs a father and I'm sorry it took so long, but I would love to be apart of her life...and your life."