She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve 

I need to get out of here.  I just need to get away from everyone right now.

My thoughts are all being blended together giving me a headache as I drive on the deserted and snowy road.  Streams of tears continue to roll down my cheeks as images flash in my mind from earlier tonight.

 “I don’t understand why you feel this way,” he says frustrated as he looks at me across the room.  We’re in his living room back in Memphis for the holidays, just three months away from our wedding day.  Our wedding day.  The day we should be looking forward to, but instead, we just seem to bicker about it.  From the guest list to the food to our vows, there never seems to be a peaceful conversation.   

I sigh, “Justin, I’m not afraid of you.  I’m afraid of hurting you and being hurt in the end.  You know how I feel about my parents!” 

My parents.  The reason why I’m afraid of marriage.  My parents divorced when I was thirteen due to my father being unfaithful to my mother.  The whole process devastated me and my sister as we cried on the couch in our home watching our dad pack up his things and leave for a new home. It’s not that I don’t trust Justin.  I put my heart in his hands with confidence.  But as the wedding gets closer and closer, I wonder if we’re ready to do this.  I believe that once you’re married, that IS the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.  Divorce is not an option. So why have we been fighting so much lately?  Sure we’re stressed.  Planning a wedding does that to you.  But for me... 

It’s fear. Fear of failing him.  Fear of losing him. Yet, he can’t seem to understand that.  And when he sat me down at the beginning of the conversation to talk about it, it seems like he’s not getting it. 

“That’s just it though, Rachel.  We’re not your parents!  My parents divorced when I was three and I’m fine!” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t understand the actual pain at that age.” 

“Bullshit,” he replies.  “You don’t think I was upset about it?  To have my dad leave and then all of a sudden, my mom’s getting married to another person?  To have to split holidays and weekends?  To have to have two fathers fighting over who knew me better?  It sucked; it still does!  But I would have never proposed to you if I thought there wasn’t a chance that we would make it!  I believe in us, but it sounds like you’re giving up all because you’re scared!”

I defend myself, “How else am I supposed to feel right now?  Look at us!  All we’ve been doing lately is fight!  How are we supposed to make a marriage work if we can’t even work right now?!” 

“We’re stressed, Rach!  You don’t think I’m scared, too?  I worry every day that I won’t be able to take care of you!  But apparently, you’re the only one who has feelings, huh?” 

My feelings immediately changed from love to hate. 

“Don’t you dare make me to be the one who’s at fault here!” I say inching closer to him. 

“Why not?!  It sounds like you wanna leave!  So go ahead!  Leave!” Justin says as he points at the door.  “Let’s end it right now if I’m such a burden to you!” 

I’m in awe of what’s happening, “You know what?  You’re right!  I mean, if you don’t wanna be with me, then there’s no use in staying!” 

I grab my purse off the table, find the car keys, and begin to walk to the door.  Justin stares at me for a little until he realizes what I’m doing.  As I’m about to walk out the door, he grabs a hold of my shoulder and turns me around to face him. 

“Don’t you ever say those words!  I’ve always loved you and respected everything you stand for!  I’ve given you everything I possibly could so don’t you dare walk out that door thinking I don’t wanna be with you!” 

I wince, “Justin, let go!  You’re hurting me!” 

“No!  I’m not letting you go unless it’s what you really want!” 

“I need time to myself to think!  Just let me go!” 

“You really have to think about us?” Justin releases me and looks at me sadly, “I thought I knew you.” 

I look at him with tears rolling down my face, “Guess you thought wrong.  Merry Christmas.” 

I walk out and shut the door on him.  I almost fall from the icy steps as I approach my car, start the engine, and drive away. 

And here I am driving to the airport on my way back home.  Even though we haven’t officially ended our relationship, it’s pretty safe to say that it’s at the end of the road.

Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline

It’d been a long, hard year

It’s amazing how quickly your life can change.  One minute, you’re in love.  The next minute, you’re running away from it.  How did we let it get this bad? 

I look at my engagement ring and begin to cry harder.  I just let the man I love hurt and alone on Christmas Eve.  How cold hearted can I get?

She had a lot of her mind and she didn’t pay attention

She was going way too fast 

As I continue to cry harder and harder, I look at the road only to find myself beginning to lose control of the wheel.

And before she knew it,

She was spinning on a thin, black sheet of glass 

The car begins to spin out of control.  I hit the brakes as hard as I can with my foot, but it’s no use.  And as I see that the car is about to hit a tree, Justin is still on my mind.  I begin to have that flashback as I see my family, my friends, and Justin as I let go of the wheel and let Jesus take control.

 She saw both her lives flash before her eyes

She didn’t even have time to cry

She was so scared, she threw her hands up in the air 

The right side of the car crashes against the tree.  The windows are shattered as I’m thrown to the right side of the car.  The last thing I remember is the worst pain in my head as I fight to keep my eyes open.  Unfortunately, the pain is so unbearable that I can’t fight it anymore and give in and my world turns black.