Chapter 1: Silicon & Stars

When I told Justin how superficial he was, he started dating an ugly girl a month later to prove me wrong. But all he managed to do was prove how right I was. I’m the ugly girl, if you didn’t already guess it. This is where Justin would have normally burst in with an empathetic “you’re not ugly� and maybe I could believe him if I didn’t know what I looked like. I saw myself everyday and unless somehow the person I see in the mirror isn’t me, then Justin is what I’ve always suspected him to be: a pathological liar.

He can’t even be a liar without being the best at it. He’s so damn good that he actually believes the shit he says.

And I never would have met him in the first place if it wasn’t for Janice Mitchell. Janice was a wide-eyed, small town girl who’d dreamed her way right out of Brentwood, CA to join the masses as a lost angel in the city of the two S’s: Silicon & Stars.

We met each other while I was working at Jill’s Heels, a small shoe store with big dreams of becoming trendy one day. Or at least not as tacky. I’ve never met Jill but her heels are a stripper favorite. With the heel height ranging from twisted ankle to help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. But I digress.

Janice saw me and just latched onto me, claiming that I reminded of her family—which instantly had her getting my sympathy. I mean, what kind of family did she have if I reminded her of them? Poor girl.

“How? Are they generally peppy with cheerleader-like optimism about the game of life…like me?� I said dryly.

Janice shook her head. “No, actually they’re more like me in that sense.�

“Oh,� I muttered, continuing my monotonously brain cell slaying task of stocking the shelves. “So they’re all perfect then.�

“Perfect?� She wrinkled her ridiculously straight nose at the word. “Heaven’s no.� She laughed. “Actually, my family is pretty dysfunctional.� She added, before proceeding to reveal how her family is ridden with phobias. Her mother has Paraskavedekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th, which was brought on solely by the one movie: Friday the 13th. Now, I’ve never seen the movie, but I’m sure it’s like every other supposedly scary movie that’s I’ve seen which others have hyped to be this really fantastically horrific ordeal only to pale in comparison. Becoming classic horrible ‘scary’ movies like The Ring, The Grudge (which is just too stupid for words), and Saw.

Then there’s her dad, who has Octophobia, the fear of the number eight. She never did find out where the fear might have originated from, but she’d had to grow up counting like 5, 6, 7, 9 for so long on account of her dad’s fear that even to this day if you ask her to count to ten, she’ll probably skip right on over number eight and look at you like you’re crazy when you tell her that’s what she did.

Then there’s her eldest sibling, Doralis, who was bound to have a hard life given that God-awful name of hers. But her phobia was called Neophobia, the fear of anything new. And since she was born in ’78 they hadn’t changed a thing about the house since they discovered she had the phobia and that was back in ’83.

Next was her oldest brother, Gregory, who they all believe for a long time had Decidophobia, the fear of decisions or making decisions, on account of his incredible inability to make a single decision even down to the smallest thing such as what to eat for breakfast. Rather than think it out for himself, he’d badger you on what you’re going to eat, until you make and decision and then choice the same thing you did. And when he grew out of that, he couldn’t decide on a college (which is normal but he found a way to make it a more long and drawn out process than it needed to be), then he there was decisions such as career, where to live after college, girlfriends…etc, etc, right up into marriage. It’s a wonder anyone could stick around with his indecisiveness long enough to even get to thoughts of marriage let alone following through with them and now the question was for him: to have kids or not to have kids. Let’s just hope for his wife sake that if she wants kids that either she ‘accidentally’ gets pregnant or when he does decide she’s not 45 and completely barren.

Then there’s her youngest brother, Andrew, who everyone thought had Vestiphobia, the fear of clothing, when he was younger because he absolutely refused to wear clothes and if you were lucky enough to get him tired enough to let you dress him then he’d just wait until you’d taken him out to the most public place possible and rip his clothes off while happily laughing, ‘Me Nakie, people! Look me nakie!’

And last but not least is her Uncle Bobby who has Phobophobia, the fear of phobias. Apparently this wasn’t a life-long phobia and only developed after he’d been living with them from time to time when his wife had gotten sick of him and kicked him out of their house. Subsequently now when, June, his wife, kicks him out he’s forced to temporary move into a homeless shelter, because he’s much too cheap to simply stay at a hotel for the night. And has much too much pride to ask one of his old buddies, who told him this would happen if he ever decided to jump the broom with June, to crash the night with him.

After such a heart-warming tale, you can only imagine the honor it is to know that just being around me triggers in her a sense of home – the same home with all of the psychotic-ness that had drove her to seek refuge in the big city in the first place. Ah, the effect I have on people it is a gift.

“Ah, well I’m glad my presence is a nice little reminder of the dysfunctionalism of your homelife.�

She laughed again. “No, no, Fi, I didn’t mean it like that.�

Fi? Humph. She’s already taken the liberty of shortening my name. Because it’s three syllable beastly length, was too much for her to say.

“I don’t even know why, really. There’s just something about you.� She shrugged. “You just seem like a nice person to be friends with.�

“Well looks can be deceiving.�

She laughed again. Now either I’ve suddenly become hilarious or she’s a little too easily amused. Or better yet, she sees me as a funny little clown here for her amusement until she gets to stroll off to her life of bigger and better things. She probably wants to be an actress. Or maybe a model.

“So what is your big important job move anyways?� I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

I’d been unfortunate enough to have been here going on a one whole year next month, after I’d finally decided that Wal-Mart wasn’t good enough to live in – full-time at least – so I cleaned myself up as best as I could in their restroom, dragged myself out into ‘the real world’ fully expecting to get a job at a McDonald’s so then I’d at least I could have heart clogging, yet edible meals; only to take a wrong turn, wind up lost and wandering down the street tired, frustrated and so delirious with hunger that I’d hallucinated seeing the golden arches at least twice and just happened to pass the ‘help wanted’ sign posted in picture window of Jill’s Heels.

Two months ago, Janice was sucked into the same trap as I had been nearly a year ago only she wasn’t content to stay trapped and had after the first day of working here gone out looking for alternative work. Smart girl. Very smart girl.

“Oh,� She smiled at the slight change in the subject. “I’m going to be a stylist for…� She trailed off as if I was supposed to supply her with a drum roll. When that didn’t happen she said, “Justin Timberlake.�

She stared at me as if expecting some kind of squeal of recognition to begin, as if that name was supposed to mean something to me.

Timberlake was familiar only because of my not so fond memories of summer camp before the eighth grade, when I’d managed to slip and fall into Lake Timber. And as if it wasn’t bad enough that I’d been jogging (not running because I don’t run unless my life is threatened) back to my cabin after I’d stood up and discovered my pants had leaked a scarlet letter on my seat in a puddle of red I’d been sitting in during lunch. Then on top of that add in cold lake water, a rather nice sized audience to witness my natural art of buffonery at work – including my crush who seemed to be leading the crowd in whooping, belly-aching laughing and pointing. Oh and I can’t forget the fact that I’d been wearing a white tank top, no bra because somehow despite already having 36 C’s my mom had refused me permission to buy new bras…so I was stuck with a tiny training bra that was no more up to the task of training my breasts to defy gravity than they were to train a dog to sit.

I’d pulled myself back onto the muddy dock from which I’d slipped and fallen admist the howling laughter of my bastard ass peers, my white – now nearly completely transparent - top making me a shoo-in for the 7th grade camper wet t-shirt contest, which got me some catcalls from the guys and dirty looks of pure unadulterated hate from the girls.

All of which sent my already derailed self-esteem soaring to new lows as I wondered what in the world had I’d done in a previous life to get God to hate me this much. Wasn’t it bad enough that I was six foot tall, wore a size ten shoe, still hadn’t mastered the art of walking without tripping at least once, did I really need to have all that shit happen on top of it?!

“What?� I snapped; frowning when I noticed Miss America was still talking to me.

“I said, ‘don’t you know who Justin Timberlake is?’�

Of course I don’t know. And the better question is do I care who Justin Timberlake is. “No,� was my curt reply, which was nice for me – considering the things I could have said instead.

Laughing, she shook her head at me. And we’re back to that again. Well if I’m a clown at least I’m doing something right, for once. “Girl, where have you been living the last few years? Under a rock?!�

Close. I did live by a rock though once. It was a fake one, in the little camp display that Wal-Mart had been using at the time.

“Well anyways, he’s a pretty big popstar. Good looking, talented, young. And probably unbearably full of himself.�

“And you’re going to be his stylist?� I said, glancing over what she was wearing.

She had on the Jill’s Heels branded mandatory t-shirt that came in two fun colors: puke green or doo-doo brown. You should have seen the look of utter joy I had on my face when I was first handed those two tops and told that I was given a choice between the two. It took all I had to contain my excitement, restraining my need to clap my hands and bounce up and down while squealing, ‘Oh goodie, now I get to look as much of a fool on the outside as I usually feel on the inside. Yes, there is a God after all!’

But I digress.

Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her make-up was hardly here or there, her shoes were a stepped-on-repeatedly, scuffed up white tennis shoes, her pants were simply black sprinkled with a little lint in there…to add flava I’m sure.

“Yep,� She smiled with pride. Glancing over her own clothing now, she added. “Naturally, I’ll look more of the part when I’m not in this uniform. And I’m just the assistant anyways. No way they’d let someone as new to the whole celebrity wardrobe styling business take it on alone.�

“Oh okay.� I nodded, my interest having died on the subject a long time ago.

“But it should be fun…and challenging. I’m looking forward to it.�

“Good luck.� I said, only half listening now.

“Hey, maybe if I make a good enough impression with the boss…I could find you a job too.�

“I already have a glamorous job with celebrity clientele.� I retorted, with a frown, glancing over at the Roseanne look-a-like who’d just waddled her way into the shop teetering on heels that were way too high; yet the fact that she was managing to walk in them at all created a very impressive sight considering how if I were wearing those shoes I would have crashed to the floor by now. Hell, even when wearing sneakers it’s not absolutely guaranteed that I wouldn’t find myself in a crumpled mess on the floor.

Laughing, she replied. “Yes, I’m sure as great as this job may be…I still think I could find you a better one.�

“Well don’t worry yourself about finding me a job. Like I said, I have a job already. ‘Sides this place would go to hell in a hand basket if I wasn’t here to control the chaos.� I said, motioning around to all the ‘chaos.’

We’d been open for a few hours and Roseanne was the first sign of outside life we’d been in contact with; but just imagine if I wasn’t here to help Roseanne with her stripper shoes fetish. No, really go ahead imagine it. I’ll wait.

Scary wasn’t it? Almost as scary as The Grudge, now all I need is a little Asian kid to meow and hide in a dark stairwell to finish off this little nightmare. Like I said Jill’s would never survive without me.

So tell me how despite such an eloquent speech, I find myself now waiting for my new boss to arrive?

Chapter 2: At First Sight
“We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield�
–Pat Benatar

Have you ever just looked at someone and knew? Knew that, that's the person for you. The one you were meant to spend the rest of your life with?

Yeah, me either.

At first sight, what can you actually see about someone? Hair, lips, eyes, nose, ass, legs… Other than the physical what is there? The way they move perhaps. Nothing to really know that you want to be with that person for the rest of your days.

But then again maybe physical attraction is half the battle. And you fight the rest when you decide if it’s worthy of your time and energy. Love is a battlefield and I’ve got enough scars to prove it to be so. Once in your life though, you find someone worth fighting for. Someone worth dying for even.

At first sight I couldn’t see that with Fionna. At first sight I saw what I wanted to see, what my superficial eyes had allowed me to see at the time.

When I first looked at Fionna I saw a tall girl. A tall, tall–I mean really tall girl. Like giraffe tall maybe. Okay maybe that was mean, but oh well that’s what I thought. I saw she had light brown skin, dark chocolate eyes that had flecks of bright caramel which was only visible when the light hit just right or on the extremely rare occasion when she happened to smile. I saw that she didn’t just walk into the room; she strutted, sashayed in a way that displayed what on a surface level at least appeared to be self confidence. But her eyes gave her away.

Her swagger said, “I’m all that and I don’t need you to say it for me to know it.� While those sad brown eyes told a tale of insecurity and self-doubt. Her gaze rarely settled on one item for very long as they surveyed her surroundings.

I saw that she must have not noticed when I walked into the room, because at the sound of my voice she jumped.

“Hey.�

“Hey,� was her hesitant reply back, her gaze settling on me. I got the feeling she wanted to look me over, but instead choose to continue on with her eye bouncing ways.

“Yo-you, uh, you have a lovely home.� She said, with a smile looking like it was being forced unto a face that was unaccustomed to the action – as if she was only bothering with it because someone had told her to. “I was just admiring some of the artwork on your walls.�

“Oh, you’re into art? Do you collect?�

Her nose wrinkled up at my final question like it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard, before she replied, “No, but I paint, sometimes.�

I nodded. “Well, I’d love to see some of your work sometime.� I grinned the same grin that had been known for its panty-dropper effect on many women, young and old.

For some reason it didn’t have nearly the same effect on her, whereas other women probably would have turned to pool of mush at my feet, she merely gave up a smile so small, that had flashed across her face so fast if you blinked, chances are you’d miss it.

“Nah, I don’t think you would like it.�

I shrugged at that, not really knowing where to take the conversation next. I’d never been very good at making small talk, unless of course I was in the right frame of mind. And right now I was too distracted with thinking about how to deal with my slut of a girlfriend (Britney Spears) who thinks she can just fuck around on me and come back to me with a smile acting like everything’s all good. When everything’s as fucked up as her stringy ass blonde hair usually is.

I don’t know how she even got it in her head that she could pull some shit like this on me and I wouldn’t find out. It’s one thing that she was creeping around on me, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to step to a man’s friend. And if that fake ass muthafucka (Wade Robson) thinks he’s gonna play me too, smiling in my face like we’re still homies – he’s got another thing coming!

At first I thought I was just tripping, just being extra suspicious of them. Gave them muthafuckas the benefit of the doubt too many damn times. And the guys (JC, Chris, Lance and Joey, but it’s just easier to call them ‘the guys’) had the nerve to tell me that I should calm down, that I should just break it off with her and let bygones be bygones. But fuck that! Those two have been playing me like a fool for too long for me to just be civil about it now. So, sorry, but it’s just too late for me to get my Ghandi on now. I ain’t going out like that.

Justin Timberlake ain’t nobody’s bitch. And I’ll be damned if someone don’t get my foot broke off in their ass for this.

“So are we going to have the interview now? Or has it already started?� She asked quietly, breaking into the heavy silence the room had acquired.

Glancing at her, I reigned in my temper as best as I could - not wanting to unnecessarily blow up at an innocent person. “It’s started, but you can have a seat if you’d like.� I said, gesturing toward a nearby couch.

Watching as she took a seat on the very end of the couch, sitting very straight and stiff, her gaze still haphazardly wandering about the room, I wondered where Janice was. She after all was the one who had recommended Fionna for the job and I could have sworn she said she was going to be here for the interview.

Picking up a piece of paper I’d purposely left on the glass table that separated the couch I was sitting on from hers, I glanced it over. The paper was basically a background check that I’d had done on her to let me know what kind of person she was. But even that wouldn’t tell me everything, I mean, I’ve heard of cases where parents have left their child with a nanny who they did an extensive background check on only to find on their nanny cam that their child has been damn near shaken to death, body slammed and a whole slew of unmentionable things that no one—especially a little infant should have to endure.

And yeah, sure I wasn’t entrusting the life of my child into this stranger’s hands, but still, it’s my doggie. I love my Sadie. I couldn’t just leave her with any ol’ body.

“Fionna Mackenzie Houston, right?� I started, reading her name off of the paper.

She eyed me suspiciously upon my use of her full name, but nodded anyways. “Right.�

“You’re 19?�

“Yeah.� She said, her voice sounding bored on the verge of falling asleep.

“Birthdate: 5-21-1986?�

A small sigh escaped her parted lips, before she slowly licked them. “Uh-huh.�

“Height: 6 foot even? Weight…�

“Whoa,� She said, the life coming back into her eyes suddenly as she frowned at me. “What does that have to do with anything?�

“Nothing.� I shrugged, nonchalantly. “It’s not even on here.�

“Good.� She muttered.

Seeing that she’d relaxed slightly, I continued. “Says you’re from Reno.�

“Yeah.� The boredom growing in her voice again.

“How did you wind up all the way in LA?�

“I lost my wings, trying to get to San Francisco, took a wrong turn walking and wound up stuck here.� She said, with a completely straight face.

I just stared at her, waiting for her to tell me she was joking or to crack a smile at least. “You’re a lost angel, cute.� I finally decided to say, resisting adding a roll of the eyes to that. “So what’s in San Fran?�

“Rice-A-Roni.� She answered again, without so much as a twitch of a grin.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head. She was definitely…uh ‘special’ to say the least. “Uncle Ben’s is better.�

She just shrugged; her face blank.

“You weren’t serious, were you?�

“About what?�

“Everything. How you got to LA…and everything.�

Cue awkward silence as she just sat, motionless except for breathing and blinking.

“So anyways,� I breathed deeply, breaking into the silence. “What’s your educational background?�

“Everything you need to know, you learned in kindergarten so I think I’m smart enough to take care of a dog, even if I don’t know how to count how many legs it has.�

The previous awkward silence came back for an encore, while I tried to figure out from her body language whether or not I was supposed to be laughing at that? Or was she serious?

With a sigh, she continued, “I never finished high school but when I left I had a 3.94, all honor classes.� She added, sounding disappointed in herself for not leaving with a perfect 4.0.

“Why did you dropout?�

She shrugged, but this time her usual annoyed demeanor wasn’t there. Her head was downcast, her shoulder length curly hair falling into her face to hide the hands that moved to swipe at her eyes. She sniffled once, twice and then straightened up again, fully meeting my eyes. Glaring at me, her eyes burned with a fiery strength that I suspected had only developed after years of having to be on the defense, she whispered, “Next question.�

Wanting to ask something light, I said, “What’s your favorite color?�

She laughed lightly, looking up as she wiped her deep chocolate flavored eyes once more. “Is this a deal breaker?�

“Oh yeah.� I nodded, with a small smile. “It’s a very serious question, so answer carefully.�

Rubbing her chin as she pretended to think long and hard about this as if she was in deep concentration, I couldn’t help but notice how much nicer her features looked relaxed like this. Instead of the frown or bored out of her mind look she’s been giving. “Red.�

“Is that your final answer?� I grinned.

With not even a hint of a smile and what appeared to be an annoyed roll of her eyes, she replied, “Yeah.�

“Why red?� I asked, fully expecting another sarcastic remark due to her sudden change in mood.

“Because it represents so much. Red is everything from love and compassion to anger and rage to the very essence of life.� She paused. “Blood.� She added, with a quick roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, I got that.� I smiled.

“So what’s yours?� She said, in more of a challenging way than merely asking.

“You don’t know?�

She frowned at my arrogance. I was only half serious though. “I don’t have the lawyer line of questioning style you seem to have. So every question I ask is because I don’t know the answer.�

Babygirl had attitude out the wazoo, but I was used to dealing with smart asses. Truth be told I was one at times. “Baby blue.�

“Why?�

“Why not?�

Rolling her eyes, she retorted, “How philosophical of you.�

“I know. I try.� I smiled.

“So do I get the job?�

“Yeah, you already had it before you walked through the door. I just wanted to try to get to know you a little.�

“Do you feel like you know me now?�

“Not really.�

“That makes two of us.�

*^*^*

For the last twenty odd minutes or so, we’d taken a tour of my house. A tour in which I could tell by the unenthused glimmer of indifference in her eyes that there was a reason why she hadn’t asked to be taken on one: she didn’t give a good goddamn about what the place looked like. But I gave her a tour nevertheless, because I liked to show off the place sometimes. To watch how other people reacted to what I’d grown accustomed to, to remind myself that it hadn’t always been like this. And besides what’s the point in living in the lap of luxury if you can’t brag about it every now and then and since I was probably never going to want to do an MTV cribs, especially after those bastards had me punk’d, this was the only way to do it.

Anyways, yeah, I know showing off all your stuff to people with less is a pretty fucked up way to stay grounded. But hey, it’s what I do and if you could, let’s keep my shallow reason for doing that between me and you.

She’d glanced at the furniture, the rugs, the aquarium, the variously displayed artwork which really I hadn’t cared too much for but had gone with it since the interior designer (my mom) kept insisting that I needed some ‘culture’ in my new place. What the hell does some randomly splattered paint on a canvas—looking like something a blind-folded second grader could have easily done—with a price tag that had one too many zeros on it (and by that I mean one zero was too many)—show that I had ‘culture’?

If anything it showed I was a dumbass who purchased ridiculously expensive art to hang on my wall for others to look at and appreciate, as I put on airs like I actually knew something about art. My best analysis of artwork was: “I like it. Nice colors and shit.�

Anyways, like I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, she’d just merely glanced over my stuff, not really commenting, not really caring. Which then got me to wondering, what the hell did this girl care about? She had seemed less than pleased to be here from the moment I laid eyes on her. I had half a mind to just straight ask her if she even really wanted the job, but I resisted on account of how I needed someone to take care of my dog while I was away. And since it was such short notice—I was leaving that night—I didn’t really have ground to get picky over who was the one to do it.

After the tour, we’d settled back into our places on the couch with her back into her spot—the furthest from me—which made me wonder if I smelled bad or something. With a sly—or at least I thought it was sly—sniff of my underarms by way of appearing as if I was merely wiping my cheek to my shoulder—I decided that it couldn’t be my smell that was driving her to sit so far away. Unless those Axe commercials had lied and it wasn’t an attraction to girls after all but rather a repellant instead.

But I couldn’t be bothered to ask her what her repulsion from me was, I had more important things to talk about. Like my dog, you know the whole reason we were even sitting together in the first place. After all the details of dog care had been squared away that good old awkward silence from earlier settled down in between us again.

I couldn’t wait until Janice got here to put both of us out of our misery.

“Do you want something to drink?�

“No.�

“Something to eat?�

“No.�

“Something to kiss?�

“What?�

That got her attention.

I laughed, before dismissing my previous words. “Nothing.�

“Uh-huh.� She murmured with a knowing half smile that she was trying to fight down.

The doorbell suddenly rang loudly, signaling that I was saved by the bell from having to conjure up so more awkward small talk. I gratefully strolled to answer the door—trying not to run—not wanting Janice to feel like I was so excited to see her and not wanting to offend Fionna by having her think I was jumping at the chance to get rid of her. But actually, both were true.

“Well it was nice meeting you, Ms. Houston.� I said once all three of us were positioned by the door as I shook her hand, making sure to give her lots of eye contact. Her nervousness was kind of cute, in a girl giraffe kind of way.

She nodded, forcing her lips upward, but it fell before it could get high enough to reach her eyes. “El gusto es mio, Senor Timberlake.�

I had to smile at that. Didn’t even have a beginning of a clue as to what she’d just said, but that was only a minor detail. The extent of my Spanish was ‘Donde esta el bano?’ And I’d only learned that phrase to help me out for my trips overseas. But it was the way she said it, the way the words flowed smooth like a waterfall off the tip of her tongue that had the corners of my lips northward bound. She could have called me a pompous, arrogant son of a bitch and I couldn’t have been offended as long as she said it like that. Even if I knew what the hell she’d just said.

At first sight she didn’t seem like the type of person I would normally be into. At first she wasn’t the type of person I would normally be into. At first sight she didn’t seem very ‘normal’ by however normal was being defined nowadays. But the problem with ‘at first sight’ is that it’s only good for one thing: figuring out whether or not you want a second or twenty-third.

Chapter 3: Equals Five

I copied and pasted the best and closest smile, the first one I saw, on my face. Naturally, I modified it down a lot from its original ‘Oh my friggin god, it’s Justin Timberlake…take me now’ origins. But I smiled nevertheless, feeling as though that was the right thing to do in the presence of a celebrity, despite the fact that I only knew a whooping three of his songs and was disappointed the cute one with the large adam’s ball wasn’t here. Now there’s a guy that I wouldn’t have to force a smile for.

But Justin Timberlake would have to do…for now, I guess.

After that interrogation of an interview I wasn’t really sure how to act around him. Especially since damn near everything he said seemed to be laced with a teasing undertone, which left me wondering if he was flirting with me. And after I was done rolling with laughter over the complete ludicrousness of such a thought, I decided not to even bother myself with trying to figure him out. Instead I used my normal way of dealing with a situation of which I wasn’t quite sure how to handle: either I kept quiet or I let my smartass remarks slip out occasionally and fumble with the follow-up words in case he was to become offended.

He returned my smile, only briefly giving me eye contact before focusing his attention on the reason we both were here. Sadie. She leapt at him without a moment’s hesitation. I guess I should tell you that Sadie’s his dog. And yes, my wonderful, life-fulfilling role in all this was as the dog sitter when he was away. And as I would later could to find he was away often. Too often if you asked me. Seemed like as soon as I get the dog smell out of my house, that’s when I get the call. Sadie’s back, Justin’s gone. Purrfect.

Guess I really shouldn’t complain, all that dog sitting - expensive dog sitting mind you – was what had allowed me to continue to be the starving artist. Only without the starving part, I wasn’t a big fan of that. I’d already done the homeless thing once when I was seventeen when I had decided that I was too grown to be stuck under the rules and regulations of the big house (my parent’s home). After three weeks of living in a Wal-Mart, yes I too had watched “Where the Heart Is� so I’d already learned from Natalie P. what to do if I was homeless (no shopping cart pushing, under the bridge living, a la dumpster meals for me), I decided the homeless thing wasn’t really my style. I’m definitely more of a three edible and FDA approved meals a day, decent lodgings, clean clothes and body kind of gal.

Anyways there was something different about Justin now. Even before Sadie had bounded over to him, I could tell there was a change in his demeanor. Like he was more energized than the last time I’d seen him, like someone had shot his ass up with a thousand watts of happy. He was illuminating. His smiles were all shiny with pearly white teeth that reached an ear to ear stretch across his face. And he was doling them out like they were presents and he was Santa on Christmas Eve. His step had more pep, more bounce in his heel. His mouth was running at top speed as he chatted with anyone who would listen. He was more animated and lively about his gestures and really just in general more so. He was on a hugging rampage, which just forced me to brush up on my dodging skills that I’d developed after growing up as the only non-male child with a bunch of rowdy testosterone driven brothers.

It was fairly easy to dodge him considering how his house was swarmed with moving bodies at the moment, packed with all the people who’d clamored to get inside anxiously awaiting his arrival from the LAX airport. The house had been filled for hours with the hustle and bustle of pots and pans as his mother and a few other ladies who I’d never laid eyes on before glided around the kitchen preparing a meal so large it had to be called a feast. There were two little kids running around leaving their mother’s irritated scolding for them to ‘sit their ass down’ in their wake. A small group of guys had gathered in front of the TV, entirely engrossed in their game of Halo producing a series of grunts and laughs. Other than that there was another small group of girls who upon Justin’s arrival appeared to be more like groupies by their goofy star stuck demeanor than friends or family and some other people who I didn’t know what their reason for being here was.

It was like a freaking circus in here or at the very least a Timberlake family reunion (which made me wonder why had everyone just shown up all of a sudden? Did they always do this every time he came back from somewhere? He’d only been gone for four days, maybe it was some kind of special occasion that I just didn’t know about) and with so many people crowded into one place, it only made my itch to get the hell up outta there grow. But then I wouldn’t have had to be there in the first place if it wasn’t for Janice and her insistence that I needed to take this job because I should ‘expand my horizons.’

Call me crazy but spending all day chasing around and cleaning up after the white fur ball commonly known as an American Eskimo dog was not my idea of horizons being expanded. Speaking of the little devil dog, she was currently licking Justin’s face, wagging her tail so happy to see her daddy. And I guess I was happy to see him too. Now I could get rid of both of them for awhile. Hopefully.

“Alright, this reunion of dog and master is touching, really. But I must retire.�

“Honestly, who talks like that?� He said, laughing at me as Sadie rolled onto her back waiting for the belly-rubbing to begin.

“Like, um…I like totally do. Duh!� I said, rolling my eyes at him. “I’ll see ya later. Much later, if I’m lucky.�

He laughed again, getting to his feet. “You know you love Sadie. How could you not?� He said, looking lovingly back at Sadie, who sat by his feet, her tail still wagging.

But when I looked at Sadie all I could see was the poop I had to clean up that was still left in my backyard and the grass that her pee had killed. And when she wasn’t out destroying my yard, she’d be inside bugging me; she was so needy. Pet me. Feed me. Play with me. Give me water. Snacks. More snacks. More. More. More.

“Whatever, just don’t be leaving any time soon.� I muttered as my way of saying goodbye.

I hadn’t gotten more than a fourth of the way through weaving my way out of the maze of gridlocked people standing in the way of my freedom, when I heard, “Hey, where are you going?�

Glancing at the door that was calling my name I turned around and said, “I’m leaving…� before reluctantly adding, “Unless there’s something else you need me to do.�

“Well you weren’t just going to leave without a hug, now were you?�

You’re damn skippy I was. “Hugs aren’t a part of my job description.�

He just smiled at that, not saying a word. Taking his silence as a cue to vamoose, I again started moving toward the elusive exit. Half-way out the door, he called to me again.

“You forgot to say goodbye.� He said, that same grin from before still in tact.

“I already said goodbye to you.�

“I wasn’t talking about me.� He retorted, glancing over at Sadie who was busily tonguing down her crotch which she’d then thoughtlessly turn around and use that same tongue to try to lick my face.

With a sigh, I trudged my way back over to Sadie. Bending down, I scratched behind her ears the way she liked it while I cooed softly, “Hey, girl I’m sorry to leave you with these freaks, but I’ve got to go. Stay strong.� I smiled at her as she gave me her usual confused dog look with her head tilted to the side. “Don’t try to get me to stay by acting all cute on me now.� I laughed. “Bye Sadie!� I called, moving toward the door again hoping this time I’d actually make it out, despite the fact that I could distinctly hear Justin’s grumbles about how I’d given the dog a more ‘proper’ goodbye than the one I’d given him.

I so close to being out the door, when he jumped up suddenly from his position near Sadie and wrapped his arms round my waist, pulling me into a tight hug before dropping a quick peck on my cheek.

“See ya later, Fi!� he called happily bouncing off to do whatever it is that pop stars do when they get some free time.

“Fi-on-na! It’s Fionna!� I called to his retreating form as I swiped at the spot his wretched pop singing lips had been on my face. “Fionna.� I sighed, realizing the walls were probably going to learn to call me Fionna before he was.

*^*^*

The thirty-minute ride home through LA traffic driving my ’89 Mazda Hatchback was always a fun one. I loved pretending that the radio worked while I made up my own radio stations and switched back and forth between them, acting out the commercials and being different radio personalities. I loved when I got caught by a red light with some little snotty nosed sixteen year old to the side of me tucked behind the wheel of his/her new Mercedes his/her momma and papa had so lovingly gave her/him turned to look over at my car and stared in disgust as I jammed along to songs that were only heard in my head, before she/he sped off with all his/her fancy schmacy air conditioning and power lock doors and windows she/he didn’t have to crank to lower. I loved pretending like the hole in the roof of my car was supposed to be there as a sunroof instead of moving target practice for the birds whose aim always seemed just get better and better. I loved waiting at stop lights and signs knowing that there was a surprise waiting for me every time I tried to start moving again. Would my car stall in the middle of an intersection today? Would it even make it an inch from where I’d stopped it? Oh boy, did I love surprises.

But the best part of the ride was when I was able to park my car in my driveway and walk into my house. Okay, okay so it wasn’t all mine; I did have to share it with Janice, who was the only reason I was able to live there in the first place. I think it had been a month after Janice had gotten her job as Justin’s new stylist when her fairly wealthy uncle Bob, Joe, Henry, Tim…I dunno one of them had decided that city life was no longer the life for them and was packing it all up and moving back to the sticks ‘where men were men and women were ladies.’

So to make a short story shorter he had a little two bedroom house that he wanted to get rid of, Janice heard about it and jumped at the chance to have it and somehow it worked out that she wound up getting the house for damn near free. All she had to do was come up with the money to finish paying for the mortgage that was left and for utilities, of course. And no sooner than she had gotten the word that the house was hers did she come rushing to tell me the good news and the next thing I knew I went from forcing myself to be happy for her to trying to convince her that us moving in together was a bad idea.

I’d been living in my car at the time, which to me was luxurious considering how my prior residence had been a store that was similar to a blood sucking leech on whichever community happened to be unfortunate enough to fall prey to its plans for world domination - one store at a time. So the conversation went a little something like this…

“So do you wanna be my roomie?� She grinned brightly as if she was giving me offer I couldn’t refuse.

So naturally I did the logical thing and…refused. “No.�

“Why not?�

“I got a place to stay.�

“Where? How come you’ve never invited me over?�

“How come you ask so many daggone questions?� Seeing the knowing look she was giving me, I added, “Maybe I enjoy my privacy.�

“You can have your privacy and live me with me at the same time. You’d have your own room to hole yourself up in all day if you wanted. You wouldn’t have to see me at all if you didn’t want to.�

I scoffed. “Yeah, right. Knowing you, you’d come and find me and force me to hang out with you.�

“Would that be so horrible?� She laughed. “God, Fionna, if I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were trying to say you don’t like me very much.�

Rolling my eyes, I smiled as sweetly as I could muster – which probably only wound up being a grain of sugar. “I don’t know where you’d get a crazy idea like that from.�

“You’re moving in with me.� She said without so much of a moment’s break in the conversation.

“Is that a question?�

“Did it sound like one?�

Yep and that was the end of that. Janice won again. I swear for as nice of a person as she is she can get pretty damn bossy when she thinks she’s not going to get her way on something.

“Hey Fi!� was the first thing I heard as I pulled my key out of the door.

“Hey Niecy.� I replied dryly.

“So how was your day?� She asked, not letting my chipper greeting perturb her.

“Long.�

“How so?�

I just shrugged as I made my way into the kitchen. “How was your day?� I asked, more in attempt to get her from questioning me than in actual caring about what her answer may be.

“It was okay. Except for when…Oh my god…�

And that’s all I heard. I’d learned after the second week of knowing Janice that any story that began with ‘oh my god’ was worthy of being ignored. Of course I let her think I was listening by giving the occasional head nod seasoned with a generous sprinkling of “mmhmm� “Oh yeah? Really?� and that was good enough to keep her talking for hours and hours if I was unlucky enough.

When I heard a long pause in her ramblings I sighed content in the hopes that I would get to enjoy the ham and cheese sandwich I’d just made in peace and quiet. Unfortunately Janice had other plans.

“So what do you think of Justin?�

“Justin who?� I frowned, taking a bite into my sandwich.

“Justin who?� She laughed in annoying echo kind of way. “Justin Timberlake, silly.�

I really hated when she called me ‘silly’ like I was some silly little girl who didn’t know anything about anything. And yeah, sure it was true but that’s like holding up a mirror to a fat person every day and saying ‘You are fat. Fat. Fat. Fat!’ As if they didn’t know it already without you rubbing it in their face every chance you get. Or if you happened to have a nice flat stomach and had an affinity toward shopping in the children’s section for your shirts and then loved to pat that nice flat stomach of yours while saying to your less body shape fortunate pal ‘My stomach is awful flat isn’t it? But maybe one day I’ll get it to look as good as yours.’

This of course will naturally push up your date with heaven (or hell, however God so wishes to do you) up significantly.

“Fionna!�

“What?!�

“You space out more than any person I’ve ever known in my life.� She laughed, shaking her head in her ‘oh you silly girl’ kind of way.

I wouldn’t call it spacing out, but more of traveling down good ole memory road.

Who made this road anyway? And why isn’t there any other roads to travel? Or at least one that doesn’t lead right back to cheery memories of my dear mother—without whom I probably would have turned out as one of those ‘normal’ square people with ‘normal’ square lives in a ‘normal’ square house. Instead of being this jiggly jello-like mass, constantly trying to fit molds that were never intended for me to fit.

“Yeah, it’s my one and only talent. So don’t ridicule it.� I said with a stark serious tone, seeing her give me a sympathetic look that roughly translated to: ‘oh you poor, poor silly girl!’ “I was joking.� I said; my mouth resigned in a stoic line, too lazy to frown or smile. “So what did you say?�

“I asked, ‘What do you think of Justin?’�

Without thinking, “I make it a rule not to think� came out.

She laughed. “You’re too much.�

Too much what? …is what I wanted to know but resisted falling into that trap. “Seriously though, I think…� I sighed. “I think he’s an okay guy for one that probably knows more about hair and make-up than I could learn in a lifetime of serious study. He’s a smidget too in love with his dog, I wouldn’t be surprised if he kisses her. A little too touchy-feely for my taste…�

“He touches you?� She asked, her eyes erupting into shock.

I waited for the ‘and lived!’ part, where she’d watch my skin waiting for it to start bubbling with its venomous man-killing poison. When that didn’t happen, I shrugged and said, “He hugged me once. Today.�

“Oh,� She paused before admitting, “He never hugs me.�

“Lucky you.� I said, halfway through with my food.

“He doesn’t really talk to me either.� She continued. “It’s almost like he’s ignoring me.�

Ah, the poor baby must not be used to a guy not falling all over her. “He must be gay then.� I supplied, figuring that’s what her ego would want to hear.

Her giggles were sudden, immediate, loud and on the verge of becoming annoying. “No, no, that’s not where I was going with that.� She wheezed, struggling to catch her breath as if the thought of Justin Timberlake being gay was so impossible. At least it wasn’t as far as I could see…he was just a feather boa and sparkling red dress away from being a cross dresser. And unfortunately I’m pretty sure he’d make for a much better looking girl than I do. Okay so maybe I couldn’t see him as full-fledged gay, but at least a weekend swinger to that side.

“I meant more along the lines of he just must not like me.�

“Pshaw, not like you?� My nose wrinkled as I waved off her preposterous conclusion. “Everybody loves you. You might as well change your name to Raymond.�

She giggled again in that girly little way of hers that was slowly becoming less annoying and more like the kind of laugh that I wished I could have. I could see her as one of those cool pretty popular girls, surrounded by all the other cool pretty popular people in the cafeteria entertaining them all by simply laughing whilst the not so cool pretty or popular people such as myself sat on the far outskirts of their world watching enviously claiming that such a laugh was obnoxious and ditzy. Only to turn around and lock theirself in their room practicing said obnoxious and ditzy giggle only to have their mother burst in the door screaming about how she’s been cooking and cleaning all day long for a completely ungrateful family while her one and only daughter would rather spend her time giggling in the mirror than helping her poor miserable mother out.

“Really?� She asked as if she didn’t know the power she had in just her laugh alone. “You really think so?�

“No, I was lying.� I said, my face fallen back into its usual look of perpetual boredom. “I do that sometimes.�

“I don’t know about you sometimes, Fi.� She commented, eyeing me in wonder.

“Fi-on-na! ‘I don’t know about you sometimes, Fi-on-na!’� I cried, throwing my hands up into the air frustratedly.

She giggled again before shaking her head at me. Her long blonde locks laughing at me too. The thought to cut off all her hair in the middle of the night to teach it a lesson for laughing at me, briefly entered my mind before I realized that I was as prone to guilt attacks as a cholesterol addict was to heart attacks. And my knowledge though extensive on gluing cut off hair back onto newly bald dolls, was limited on doing the same to a person.

“I’m sorry, Fi.� She laughed again at her mistake. “I mean Fi-on-na. But honestly, what do you think his cold – okay maybe it’s not cold just a little on the chilly side—shoulder towards me means? Do you think he doesn’t like my work? But how could that be it when I’ve hardly gotten a chance to work with him? I mean, the most I’ve ever done is made some suggestions for jeans. He couldn’t be that mad over jeans, could he? Maybe he’s really picky about his jeans. Ooh and then I did get to take his measurements once. I was nervous so I fumbled a little bit. Do you think he thought I was feeling him up? Cause come to think of it, he did talk to me a little bit before that. Oh god, he thinks I was feeling him up! Justin Timberlake thinks I’m a pervert who uses my job to molest celebrities!�

A loud scream pierced the air suddenly. Noticing the complete look of shock on Janice’s face I assumed I’d been the one to scream.

“Why…� trailed slowly and quietly out of her mouth as she watched me incredulously.

I shrugged. “Sometimes you just need to scream. But what you need to do right now is shut up and calm down. To be honest I stopped listening after you talked about chilly shoulders. But I’m sure I really don’t need to hear the rest to give you good advice. Dear Abby is my cousin after all. So here it is your piece of advice so I can find some peace of mind…He’s a red-blooded American male. You’re Miss America. Two plus two equals four…except for the times it equals five.�

I took the follow-up silence as my cue to escape. Sauntering away to my bedroom, I was just about to close the door behind myself when I heard, “You’re related to Dear Abby?�

Chapter 4: Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch

A house full of people was the last thing I needed after a four day trip which sole purpose was to bust the wrench (Britney) who had stolen my heart before proceeding to mercilessly stomp it to death with big stiletto heels with some help of a former friend and employee of mine (Wade).

The hollow sound of my palms meeting in a harsh clap echoed off the walls of the room of debauchery housed within a Hilton hotel building.

“Bravo. Encore, encore.�

I heard the words that sounded so close to my ears that I had to assume that they had come from me. Though the voice I could hardly recognize. As Britney leapt to her feet, throwing on her previously discarded clothes, I just stood there.

My mind said, “Leave. Leave you, fool. You should have never come here in the first place.�

My heart said, “You had to come, you had to see for yourself if the rumors were true.�

Mind: But you already knew. You didn’t have to drag us all the way here and add insult to injury by witnessing it first hand.

Heart: I know, but I needed to. I needed this to make it real.

“Justin? Baby?� Britney called, cautiously as she placed a gentle touch to my arm.

Snatching my arm away in disgust, I retorted a weak, “Don’t touch me� when I wanted it to come out strong, harsh and defiant.

It was hard to be all those things, when I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like the wind had been knocked out of me, like some invisible force had just swung back as far as it could and clobbered me.

I was staggering. Reeling. Her mouth, her precious little mouth… The same damn mouth that at the beginning of our relationship she could barely force out dirty words in a whisper, I’d caught that now ho-fessional mouth working over that son of bitch’s length like that was her life’s purpose or some shit.

Damn, I knew once she had gotten some of this mighty Timberlovin’ the bitch (I don’t normally resort to calling female bitches, but if the shoe fits, the bitch should wear it) would get turned out, but I’ll be damned if I thought it would lead to some shit like this.

At the same time, I expected this. I knew this would happen. Call it denial, but in spite of knowing this my heart was still filled with faith that maybe, possibly, somehow, some way it wouldn’t have to turn out like this.

But it had. So why the hell was I still standing there?

“I’m sorry.� She whimpered.

Move you bastard feet, move! I can’t listen to this shit right now. I need to go.

Feet, what part of ‘I need to go’ don’t you understand?! This ain’t the time or the place to start no gawddamned mutiny on me!

“Yeah, you are. But not as sorry as I am.� I said, finally getting myself in motion. When did the door get so damn far away? Did it start to make a run of it when I wasn’t looking or something?

“Don’t do this.� She pleaded, making hesitant moves to come toward me.

Oh hell no, bitch. Don’t even try to turn this shit around on me. I’m not the bad guy in this.

Shit, my feet stopped moving. Don’t fall for it, Timberlake. Don’t look in her eyes; she’ll trap you here with her woman voodoo.

“Do what? What the fuck am I doing to you?!� I roared back, my stupid inordinate eyes seeking out hers.

But luckily for me, her head was down now. Downcast as she remained silent save a few pitiful sniffles. That’s what she wanted, huh? Some gawddamn sympathy?

“I-I just wanted some attention.� She whispered, barely able to get her reply squeaked out.

Oh yeah that’s it, girl. Make me look like the bad guy. Well, I’m soooorry if I’m a little pissed off that my muthafucking girlfriend slept with a friend of mine. My bad. What the hell was I thinking?

“Don’t even try to pull that tired Jerry Springer excuse of ‘you never paid attention to me so what else could I do but fuck around on you with your friend?!’� I said, my eyes once again disregarding the higher command to avoid eye contact. Locking eyes with her, I lost some of my gusto. The breathless feeling returned as I was swept up into a sea of sorrow. Biting my lip, I did everything I could to keep a firm grasp the last shred of dignity I had left in this situation in tact that was threatening to be shot to hell with one drop of salty moisture. “I loved you, Britney. I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving you and only you. I bought a fucking ring, rehearsed what I was going to say time and time again until I knew it backwards and forwards.� I paused as I stared down bitterly at the circle shaped jewelry that I thought would be a symbol of our eternity bond. What the hell was I smoking?

The divorce rate is at sixty percent right now and here I am thinking I got someone to beat the odds with meanwhile the bitch is laid up with another man. Flipping the ring in between my fingers sullenly now, I started again voice low with emotion, “I just wanted to make you at least half as happy as you made me.� I swallowed back the growing lump in my throat, before glancing upwards and swiping at his eyes with a bitterly hollow laugh. “My mama told me you might not be ready for this. Only I thought she just meant we were too young.� I smiled then, not sure what emotion was being leaked out through the smile as I glanced between the two of them. They looked good together. Two sluts, it was a match made in fucking around on your naively trusting boyfriend heaven. “My bad.� I muttered, shoving the ring into my front pocket and finally getting my feet to move me steadily in the right direction

“Justin.�

I heard it, but I couldn’t be bothered to answer that muthafucka. If he knew what was good for him he would exercise his right to remain silent, before I exercise mine to stick my foot up his scrawny pop locking ass.

“Justin wait!� He cried, this time reaching for me and trying to physically hold me back.

I know this piece of shit didn’t just put his hands on me! “Get your hands off me.� I said, my voice coming out with a strangely cool and calm for the situation, misleadingly portraying me as half as angry as I truly was.

“Just hear me out.� He begged.

“Get your muthafucking hands off me.� I repeated in a low warning growl, feeling Wade’s hand as it dropped its hold on me and fell back into place at his side again.

With a hand on the doorknob, I turned back to face them once more. “Oh and next time y’all wanna fuck around…use the ‘do not disturb’ sign. That’s what it’s made for.� I said, tossing it at the two of them for effect, figuring that such a dramatic scene deserved an equally dramatic exit. But for some reason, my eyes were drawn in, focused as I watched its fall. Watched as it landed…right next to a used condom they’d so discreetly left on the floor.

Well they may be lying whores, but at least they’re not stupid lying whores and are practicing safe sex.

After that wonderful moment in my life, I somehow wound up at the beach. The same beach that Britney and I had spent many days on when we were younger, when things were simpler and life was slower, back in the MMC days. Back when we used to like lie around and talk about our dreams.

Now we’d achieved most of those dreams and we didn’t have anything much to say to each other anymore. It was like we’d used up all our words in previous years and conversations. I didn’t even realize until a few hours later of sitting there on that beach watching the waves lap onto the shores - simultaneously wondering if this was one of those rip tide areas and if the night would end on a bright note that would be the spawn of morning newspaper headlines that read ‘Dumbass Pop Star, Justin Gets Swept Away.’ But I suppose of all the other ways a man could be taken out having the ocean reach out and pull me down into my watery grave…couldn’t be that bad.

It was during this uplifting thoughts that my cell phone began to ring that stupid “Lucky� ring tone I’d set it to a few weeks back as a joke. I waited until the person had hung up before I picked the phone up again, seeing that I’d been left a voicemail reluctantly forced myself to tap in the password to check the new message.

“Hi, Justin. This is Fionna. I, um, I just wanted to know if...� There was shuffling then as her voice trailed off before it got strong again. “Holy mother of shit! Sadie no, no, nooooo! Those were my favorite shoes did you have to turn them into your damn personal toilet!!�

The message was six minutes long ending in “Oh shit! I didn’t turn the phone off!� Followed by a series of shuffles before a wearily frustrated, “Sadie nooo. Lord, not again!� And I listened to it all with a smile. That girl was crazy and Sadie wasn’t helping.

Before listening to that message I been considering spending my last day (yes, it was a four day trip but it had taken me three days to build up my courage enough to confront her) in Miami drunk and sexed up with the closest decent-looking female I could find, but then I decided it wasn’t worth it. Britney wasn’t worth it.

And besides I had a girl waiting at home for me who loved me, unconditionally. So what if she was more than a little on the hairy side and had an affinity toward relieving herself in people’s shoes. At least I knew I’d never find her holed up in a hotel room having an affair with one of my friends. At least I hoped to God that would never happen, otherwise that would send me on a one way trip to the crazy house or at least a Jerry Springer ‘My Best Friend is Having an Affair…With My Dog’ episode.

If you want to get all technical about it, she wasn’t in my dog. Technically. I mean, I’d gotten her as a present for Britney about a year ago and I dunno, somehow it wound up being that Sadie never made it out the door when Britney left that day and from then on she’d stayed at my house, allowing me time to love in with her. So to me that makes her mine.

So anyways, my spirits were sort of lifted upon hearing that message on my voicemail, but I was nowhere near ready to be skipping there a meadow of daisies yet. And it wasn’t until I’d stepped foot of that plane into the LAX airport that a sudden realization him me like a Mack truck moving at top speed into a toy poodle.

I’d set up an engagement announcement party several weeks ago that was scheduled for that exact day. I was hoping and praying that everyone had somehow all magically lost their memories at the same time. Or at least that they had just forgotten about the party. Talk about counting your chicks before they’re hatched. Shit, with the way me and Brit were towards the end, I’m not even sure we had any eggs to really have to worry over whether or not they were going to hatch. But I’d wanted it to be so badly that I’d started to things in the direction of white gowns, black tuxes and ‘I do’s when I’m sure if I hadn’t been so blinded by love I could have been able to see the hints that Britney was dropping on me that the only thing close to that that she’d be saying to me was ‘I don’t.’

As luck would have it, everybody remembered and the entire ride back all I got was ‘Congratulations man, you and Britney are gonna be very happy together’ and ‘Where’s the bride-to-be?� with a few sprinklings of Trace’s grumbled ‘I can’t believe you’re gonna get lock down’ as he sadly shook his head at me.

And maybe I would have laughed and joked around with them all more on that ride if it wasn’t for the fact that I was anxiously racking my brain for something, anything that could stall me going back to the house. Once I resigned myself to fact that they weren’t having it, I sent the remainder of the ride trying to put my game face on so that I could at least appear to be in a better frame of mind than the jumbled one I was currently in.

Pushing my true feelings down as far as I could, I replaced them with a happy-go-lucky demeanor that I figured would have been suitable for a man who’s supposed to be on top of the world, having secured his piece of happiness with the woman of his dreams. Once I’d arrived at what should have been my sanctuary, the place where I could let down my guard (instead of becoming the stage in which I was about to give an Oscar worthy performance), I built it up higher and stronger than ever, re-enforcing it with steel smiles and hearty hugs which I then proceeded to pass out like candy on Halloween to trick-o-treaters.

And everybody ate it up like it was candy too. Not of them questioned me, they all just assumed this was for real. A small part of me wanted someone in that house to look at me and see through the well crafted mask, to out me for being a joyous man imposter, but no one did. Not even my own momma. Though, I must say she didn’t really have time for me, what with all her cooking and womanly carrying ons to tend to (gossip).

That’s when I saw her. Fionna was standing toward the edge of the middle of the crowd looking about as uncomfortable and weary of the situation as I was feeling. I can honestly say that I was glad to see she was still there. Glad to know that out of all the people there, she was one if not only person I could count on to not smile in my face and force me to pretend to more happy than I could muster on even a good day. But somehow, I’m not really even sure how she did it but her reaction to my approach to her and my ‘happy’ state, provoked genuine joy out of me. I learned right then and there that irritating her, despite how childish it was, was just plain ol’ fun.

*^*^*

The very next day I found myself on set for my new up and coming movie Black Snake Moan (sounds like a porno flick don’t it? That’s what I thought at first too until Johnny sold me on the idea), where I play a soldier who’s dating a nymphomaniac played by the lovely Christina Ricci and even though given the situation I'd just gone through not so long ago I felt energized in a way to be there. Once I had the wardrobe on, was standing on set beneath the big bright hot as hell lights I knew that I no longer had to worry about my problems. They weren't even my problems anymore. They were Justin Timberlake's now. And I was Matt who had to worry about a girlfriend who suffers from panic attacks brought on by flashbacks of a childhood rape in which she then forces herself to relieve the pain of that awful moment by sleeping with random guys instead. For those moments I got to be someone else, briefly giving me a reprieve from the day to day grind that is my life.

Though I was still grinding, so to speak, at those times, it felt different you know. Like being in the same room but sitting in a different seat. You see things differently; things that used to matter in your old seat don't really apply to the new one. You got new things to look at, old things to look at in a new way. And although I'd come to use my music more often than not as my refuge from life. It was still me, maybe a little tainted or slanted depending on the angle of the emotion I was trying to pull out for the song. But it was still me; I was giving myself away...if only in little bite-sized pieces. With acting, the less I was like me the better I was doing, the more I was praised for it. Sometimes just walking off the set, changing back into my regular street clothes wasn’t enough to shake the hold of the character on me; I could still feel the character on me. In me. I was beginning to see how some actors lost themselves during certain roles and even though I appreciate the refreshing Kit-Kat break acting was giving me, I sure as hell wasn’t intending to have this carry over into a permanent displacement of self, woman issues or not.

Jay-Z's "99 Problems" was bumping in my stereo when suddenly a loud knock resounded on the other side of my door. “Justin, can I come in?�

“Yeah, sure, Gerri.� I called, swinging around in my seat to face the opening door of my trailer.

“Why do you insist on calling me Gerri?� Carrie frowned at me, her hands planted on her hips.

“Maybe because 1) you have a strange love for the Spice Girls and 2) you look like Gerri Halliwell.� I retorted with a smile. “Would you rather I call you Ginger?�

“I’d rather that you call me by my name.� She persisted, not bothering to deny the truth of her Spice Girls obsession.

“Okay, Gerri.� I smiled.

“Sorry.�

“For what?� I frowned, realizing too late that she had a brush poised in the air.

“For this.� She said, smacking me upside the head with the brush before laughing at my pain.

“You do realize I’m the one signing the checks around here, right?� I questioned, rubbing my head.

“Are you threatening me, boy?� She asked glaring at me through the mirror, her weapon of choice again floating dangerously near my head.

The door opened suddenly without so much as a knock. Before I could open my mouth, Carrie was all over it.

“Janice, I know you’re new and don’t know all of the lovely little nuisances that make up this fine specimen of annoyance loosely called a man.� She said pointing at me. “But the thing is, Justin hates…I mean really, really, really, really, really, really…�

“I think she got it.� I interjected.

Popping me upside the head with the brush my mouth must have forgotten was still in her hand, she continued, “Really, really, really hates when people just waltz into his space. He needs everyone to knock and announce their intentions otherwise he goes ballistic. His eyes turn red and get all big like they’re about to pop out of his head. Then his voice gets hilariously high as he squeaks worse than Mickey Mouse on helium to yell at you. And if you catch him on a really bad day, he’ll even do this thing where he balls up his fists like a little child about to throw a fit and start shaking both his fists and head at you at the same all the while ranting about shit that probably only his therapist would be able to even begin to understand. It’s quite funny sometimes, but I suggest you try your best to withhold any laughter until you’re out of hearing range. But as you can see,� She said grabbing one of my ears roughly. “His ears are abnormally large so walk out of whatever you think is normal hearing range then go another block and maybe…maybe these babies,� She started to twist my ear a little then. But I was too busy trying to counteract the picture of insanity she was painting of me with being as calm and tranquil as possible to let that bother me. Much. “Won’t be able to hear you.�

“Are you finished, Gerri?� I frowned at her through the mirror. My hand disobeying me and rubbing my sore ears.

“Yes,� she said giving my head another pop with a smile.

“Despite what she’s trying to lead you to believe, I’m really not crazy.� I said, trying to smile my best ‘See I’m a perfectly ‘normal’ human being’ smile. Seeing her hesitantly smile and nod back made me think that somehow my smile hadn’t done the trick.

“Oh yes he is.� Carrie cackled. In all the years I’d known her I’ve never once heard her simply laugh. Maybe it was the twenty thousand packs of cigarettes she went through in a day. Nah, that couldn’t be it. She’s just a witch. “But you’ll grow to love him anyways just like the rest of us have.� She added. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t a witch after all.

But still she wasn’t helping matters. It had already become painfully (for my ego) obvious to me that whenever Janice was around she had the ability to turn me into a bumbling idiot. She had this uncanny talent for making me nervous by doing the simplest of things – like saying good morning to me, clapping her hand to my shoulder when she asked me how I was doing, or just merely by walking into the room.

I didn’t need this shit. Right now especially. I was just coming off a break up with a girl I had thought for awhile now that I was going to make my wife, I did not need to turn around and start falling into something like that with another girl. But that was my routine. Find a girl, fall for a girl, get left by a girl. True this time I technically did the leaving, but it wasn’t like I had any other option. If I had of never caught her with Wade, I know I would have proposed to that girl. And if she had of said yes, I would have gladly married her, contently living in my world of denial about where she was and who she was with when she wasn’t with me.

Unfortunately for me that’s just the kind of guy I am though. I wear my heart on my sleeve nine times outta ten, and all the girls I’ve ever been involved with seem to like the sleeveless look on me better. Considering how each and every one of them has practically reached into my chest and beat my heart up into a bloody pulp.

Okay that was a little messy and involved way to put that. But so is love. Or at least my love life.

Anyways, the point is I, Justin Randall Timberlake, from this point on do so solemnly swear to never ever find myself in the same predicament that I’m in now. The next girl I decide is serious enough to date on a monogamous level, better bring her A game in love or else…

Or else, I don’t know, I guess I just might give up on this love shit like all my boys have been trying to get me to do since Crystal in the sixth grade. I have a long sordid history of being a chump for a pretty face and a smile.

But not this time. I’m not going to fall for Janice’s wily charms. So go ‘head girl, send that long blonde hair of yours cascading over your shoulder, flutter those long thick lashes over your sea foam blue eyes, smile bright enough for Ray Charles to see (R.I.P. Ray), but it’s not going to work. Sure you might be able to provoke more than a few jumbled stuttering responses out of me, but I’m not falling for it. I know your kind, I know your game. So you might as well give up now.

I suppose somewhere during my incessant thoughts, she’d started speaking to me again, because now she was staring at me with that expectant look of someone who’s waiting for an answer. An answer…an answer to what?

“I’m sorry, what did you say?�

She smiled slightly and replied, “Oh, I was just asking you if you wanted to join me for lunch.�

“Lunch, as in you and me, eating together?�

“Yes, that is what having lunch with another person usually entails.� She laughed like she’d been tickled.

Okay, be smooth Timberlake. Rally those scattered brain cells of yours together and whatever you do don’t say…

“Alone? Just you and me? The two of us? Eating?�

…anything stupid.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!� She said in teasing exasperation.

I hesitated then, putting a pause on the ‘yes, hell yes, I’ll eat you…I mean eat on you…I mean…’ Shit, she was even tripping up my thoughts now. Oh, she’s good, I’ll give her that.

Luckily before I could further amble down the road of hopelessly stupid chatter, I glanced up to spy Fionna a few yards away, standing on the sidelines, playing a game of tug-a-war with Sadie.

“Actually, I can’t. I already made plans with Fi.�

“You did?� She asked, a frown rippled across her brow in confusion.

What did she know? Did Fi already have plans to do lunch with someone else? “Y-yeah.� I managed to stammer out with an apologetic smile. “Sorry.�

Recovering her usual smile, she shook off my word of apology. “No, no, it’s fine.� She murmured, her eyes glancing briefly over to where Fionna stood before looking back at me. With a nod, she said, “Alright, I guess I’ll see you later then.�

I just nodded, not trusting myself to be able to form even the most elementary of goodbyes, before heading over to Fionna, mentally kicking myself the entire way.

“Hey, do you wanna have lunch with me?� I asked as soon as I was standing near her.

Straightening up, she dusted herself of invisible grit, before cocking her head to the side slightly and replying, “Janice is going to Roscoe’s.�

“Yeah.� I nodded as if I already knew this little piece of information. “And?�

“And…� She frowned, looking a little on the annoyed side at the fact that I was still standing there questioning her. But then what’s new? When did Fionna ever look happy to see me? Or anyone for that matter. “Aren’t you going with her?�

“No.�

Not satisfied with my answer, Fionna’s eyes began to bounce around the room as if in search of something or someone. Following her gaze, I noticed that her eyes had briefly settled on Janice who appeared to have been looking over at us before taking a sudden interest in the nearby props.

A small resigned to her fate sigh escaped her lips while her eyes rolled. “I would ask ‘why not’ but I’m too hungry to get wrapped up in y’alls strange soap opera drama. Let’s go.� She said, bending down and strapping a leash onto Sadie, before strolling away without so much as glance backwards to see if I was following.

*^*^*

After a semi-heated eight-minute debate over why it didn’t make sense for us to go in two separate cars, I finally got Fionna to relent to riding in the same car as me, we’d finally arrived at the restaurant, leaving a sad looking Sadie in the car with the windows cracked. Walking into PF Chang's Bistro that afternoon felt like a Cheers moment. For Fi, at least.

Damn near everybody we passed she knew or knew her. I almost thought to check my person for identification, cause I could have sworn I was Justin Timberlake, the bonafide celebrity between the two of us - all I heard was a sound wall of back to back 'Hey, Fionna!' and 'How you been? Ain't seen you around in a minute.' And some dude, who upon sight of her, licked his lips real slow trying to act like he's LL with that shit, posted up against a far wall, eyes locked on her like she was only female left in the world.

I heard her sigh at recognition of the man, turning her back to him, she started up a conversation with another girl, who was supposed to be the hostess but was too busy smacking on her gum, filing her nails and patting her weave to do something stupid like...her job.

"Table for two." I said, trying to bite back some of my frustration after five minutes of standing there with no service.

With a roll of her eyes, she forced a smile to curve the corners of her pretty Kool-Aid red lips upwards. "Would you like smoking or non-smoking, sir?" She said, her voice sounding sweet as cotton candy, which of course throw me for a second. I'd been expecting some attitude instead. "Sir?" She asked, with a laugh on the tip of her tongue.

Fionna glanced at me, who for some reason had fallen into a silent spell, before speaking up. "Oh, Char, don't even worry about him. He's got issues, girl." She laughed, making her eyes go crossed as twirled her finger in the air before pointing that finger at me with a smile to her friend. In effect calling me crazy.

"Whateva. Non-smoking."

"Okay, lemme see what we got, sir." She said, tossing another lop-sided grin my way before playfully nudging Fionna as she walked away. Hearing the groan that her gesture had provoked from Fionna, I had to wonder what their conversation had been before I'd butted into it.

"Right this way, sir." Charlene said, motioning for me to follow as she sashayed ahead, Fionna groaning in annoyance after us.

"It's Justin."

"What, sir?"

"My name. It's Justin."

"Oh, I know." She grinned softly at me, placing the menus down on the table. "Sir."

"Char, just go'n somewhere." Fionna interjected with a laugh.

Ignoring her, Charlene continued to smile down on me. "Anyways..." She said, tossing a hand into her friend's face playfully. "You have a nice day."

"You too." I said, letting a slow grin ease its way across my lips, licking them slowly for effect as my eyes trailed her exit.

"Don't hurt yourself." Fionna sneered, her eyes focused on the menu in her hands.

"What?"

"Tryna lean over to follow her ass. Don't hurt yourself." She clarified with a sigh, looking up from her menu momentarily. "I don't want to have your neck injuries hanging over my head."

"Aww, Fi, I didn't know you cared." I chuckled, lightly poking her in her side, watching as this caused her to scoot her chair further away from mine.

"First of all, don't touch me. Second of all, my name is Fi-on-na." She stressed.

"And third of all?" I asked, eyebrow rose in mock interest.

"I don't care."

Letting her comment go, I said, "Ha ha, you got jokes, huh?"

"I wasn't joking." She said flatly, her eyes focused on the menu again.

"Anyways, how do you know all these people? And who was that dude eyeing you down before?"

Handing me a menu, she didn't say anything. "Oh so you ain't gonna answer."

"Looks that way doesn't it." She muttered.

"Aight." I nodded with a sigh, dropping my eyes to my menu.

I don't know how long it had been that we'd been sitting in silence, but suddenly she staring at me, clicking her tongue as she said, "Don't worry about those calories. If you do, chances are you might not order anything."

I nodded, releasing one last 'good lord' before forcing my eyes away from the calorie list where 900's dominated the scene. "I know that's right."

There wasn't too much conversation after that. Our waitress was a bubbly brunette, who was smacking and popping her gum in a similar fashion as Charlene had been doing, left me wondering if that was part of the uniform for them. Anyways, she bounced back and forth from our table, dropping off drinks, food and the etc, etc. I had wound up ordering some 900 calorie shrimp dish which seemed to take forever and a day before it reached the table, leaving me nothing to do but to watch Fionna nibble away on her vegetarian lettuce wraps.

"Are you on a diet or something?" I asked.

She looked embarrassed for a split second, but her usual annoyed persona shined through. "No, and if that's your way of telling me was I rude for starting to eat before you had gotten your food... I'm sorry." She said the last two words begrudgingly.

"Nah, it's cool. I was just wondering why you were eating that rabbit food."

She blinked for several seconds without responding. "I'm a rabbit." She said, nibbling on her wrap again.

"Cute." I said, with a roll of my eyes.

"You obviously don't like cute." She muttered in her breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

"No really, what did you say?"

Meeting my gaze now, she sighed. "I didn't want to get into this. But Janice seems to think that you don't like her. You were supposed to go to lunch with her today as proof that you two were cool." She said, picking up her lettuce wrap. "So thanks to you, I lost the bet and now I owe her ten bucks."

I chuckled briefly at that, before the realization that they'd been discussing my actions outside of work-related issues. "What else did she say about me?"

She shrugged then, her hands moving onto her next wrap.

I nodded, trying to appear nonchalant about it. Like I didn't give a damn whether she told me anything more or not. When my finally food arrived I was quick to use it as a distraction to the silence that Fionna seemed comfortably at home in, for awhile until another thought stuck me.

“Do you think my ears are big?�

“Huh?� She said, glancing up from her food for the first time since the last time we’d spoken, which had me wondering did she normally eat like that or was just using that as small talk block mechanism.

“My ears.� I repeated, pushing them forward with a smile. “Do they seem on the big side to you?�

She sighed then, setting her food down. She peered at my ears so long that it made me wonder if she was trying to visually measure them. “Yeah.� She replied, her food back up and in steady route to her mouth.

“Really?� I said, feeling a frown come over me at her response, my hands still subconsciously touching my ears.

She just shrugged in that noncommittal way of hers.

My frown deepened into a full-fledged grimace as I tried to slyly glance at my ears via a spoon. What does a giraffe-girl know about ear sizes anyways?! I thought, still slightly touching my ears.

We fell into another long silent spell then, which I who was not one known for my enjoyment of silences small or big began to fill with soft humming to myself. At least I figured it was soft until she spoke up again, aggravation hedging threateningly into her tone.

“Do you have to do that?� She grumbled at me.

“Do what?� I asked, smiling innocently.

“Hum.�

“What, you don’t like my humming? Or you don’t like the song?� I asked, my smile growing at the prospect of her irritation.

“Both.�

“Oh okay.� I nodded, appeasingly enough. Less than a minute later I was right back to humming.

“You’re doing it again.� She sighed, glaring at me.

“Doing what?�

“Humming that song.�

“It’s called ‘sugar pie, honey bunch.’ And yeah, I know I am.� I grinned.

She continued to stare me down with a hardened glare for a moment, before allowing a small smile to break the monotony of her frowning mouth. “So this is why you wanted to have lunch with me, Honey Bunch?�

“Honey Bunch?�

She didn’t bother to answer as she began to nibble on the remainder of her final lettuce wrap again.

“And no, it wasn’t.� I said, before brushing some extra lettuce wrap scrap off the corner of her mouth. Smiling as a frown immediately registered on her face from the simple contact, I added with a chuckle, “Bugging you is just a bonus, Sugar Pie.�

And so began my quadis-fall into friendship with Fionna. Even now looking back on it, I don’t know for sure why I pursued a friendship with her; she definitely didn’t make it easy on me. But after awhile I got used to her caustic remarks and besides when I was around her she distracted my mind from tripping into a hole of depression of recent Britney episode. And if that wasn’t enough, I’d soon come to find that she was roommates with the lovely creature named Janice, who had the ability to turn me into a bumbling fool whenever she was around. Despite Fionna claiming on several occasions that she didn’t speak ‘stupid’ she would often serve as a translator for me when my tongue started to form words that even I could barely decipher as English.

But that’s what friends are for, right?

Chapter 5: The Beautiful People

Hollywood. The world of glitz and glamour. Movie stars and wannabes who admired from afar. A fantastic world of illusion gift wrapped in bright shiny ego-centric dreams.

Justin had become a part of that dream now. Well he was in the transition, who knows if it would actually work. But people had their fingers crossed. Even me, surprisingly enough. I'd been on the set with him for his movie a few times. Seen the passion he had for acting. I'd never seen a movie he'd been in before. Though there had been one. The Disney TV movie: Model Behavior. But I'm not sure if that's something he'd really want to be used as the stick to which his acting talent is measured by.

I was busy wondering why they called Hollywood...Hollywood (maybe it was named after a slut named Holly who loved 'wood'...nah, nah...Okay maybe Holly wasn't a slut. Maybe she was a lumberjack. Maybe she wasn't a she, and was a he. Not that women couldn't be lumberjacks. But why name a place after a lumberjack, female or otherwise anyways?) when I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts as Justin came barreling into his trailer, grumbling about something or other.

"What's wrong?" I frowned, the last thing I wanted to deal with was a grumpy Justin.

"These people act like it's a fucking game out there! The director's pulling these silly ass stunts to try to 'pull out emotions from us.'" he said; making quotes with his fingers agitatedly.

"Like what?" I asked. I was used to this dramatics by now, or at least you would think I would have been after several months of working for him. But it seems like no matter how much I learned to adapt to the quirks of his as they popped up here and there, I don’t think I’m ever going to get to the point where I’m completely used to his…um, uniqueness.

What can I say? I work for a weirdo.

“Like say if he wants us to be mad and thinks we aren’t getting mad enough, he’ll randomly come over and scream in our ears. If he wants us to be sad for a scene, he’ll pretend like he just got an urgent call from one of our family members and lie about some death in the immediate family. He had the fucking nerve to tell Christina that her sister, who’s been having serious health problems mind you, had just died of heart complications or some wild shit like that. After she started bawling, he quickly pushed us into another scene and after it was done and she said she had to go to home, he was all like ‘No, you don’t. Your sister’s fine.’ Who does that, man?! Who in the fuck does that?!� He cried in exasperation.

“Calm down.� I said, trying to hush him. “How is she now?�

“Well after she was told the truth, she started crying again and doing this windmill pummeling with her hands at him. He started screaming like a girl, screeching for security which up being pretty damn funny and then some of the extras pulled her off of him ‘cause I knew I sure as hell wasn’t going to.�

“So she’s okay now?�

“Yeah, she’s fine. Pissed but fine.� He paused a moment before starting again as if he was just remembering this detail. “And you know what he said after they had gotten her restrained? He was like “Good, you’re pissed, that’ll work well for the next scene.�

“What a bastard.� I said, doing my dutiful nod of sympathy, though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I was doing it right.

“Yeah, I know, but he gets his job done.�

Do you hear that?

Of course you don’t, because there’s nothing to hear but silence. Lovely, beautiful, golden, sweet silence…damn I missed you.

"And then they kept staring at me. The whole lot of them. It's like their eyes don't know what else to focus on so they just watch me like I'm a fucking animal in a caged zoo for them to gawk at whenever they please." He continued, breaking into my oasis of quiet.

"Justin, do you hear yourself?" I asked, incredulously, wondering when he was actually going to get to the 'problem.' "Are you forgetting who you are? Where you are?"

He frowned, but remained silent.

"You're Justin Timberlake. The pop star trying to turn movie star. People stare at stars...there's a word for it even. It's called stargazing. And though to me you aren't nearly as interesting as the celestial beings of light in the sky to some...you are. So they like to watch you. Gawk at you. Gaze at you. Plus, it's not like you're sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs or something. You're not having dinner with your family. You're on a friggin’ movie set for a film in which you managed to snag one of the leads. So staring...sorry to break it to you, but well that comes with the territory, Honey Bunch." I said punctuating my words with a sardonically sweet smile.

He was quiet for a whole of five glorious seconds before he spoke up again. "Who asked you, Fionna, anyways!" Making a point not to call me 'Sugar Pie' the nickname that just would not die.

I shrugged, with a laugh. "I'm just saying."

"Well don't."

"Okay then, I won't."

"Good."

"Great."

I couldn’t even enjoy this silence this time. Not with all of his sighing and picking aimlessly at his pants so he wouldn’t have to look up and notice I was in fact still in the room.

"What's the customary time period that one of these 'Grrr, I'm mad but don't ask me why cause even I don't know why I'm mad' silences go on for? Five, ten minutes tops?"

Struggling not to smile, he exhaled deeply and shook his head before looking at me again. "You're a real piece of work, Sugar Pie."

"Thank ya, Toots, but compliments will get you nowhere.� I winked at him, before the realization of what I’d just done and said hit. Shit, I’ve been hanging out around him a little too much.

"Toots?"

Before I could answer, someone I’d only seen in passing suddenly popping their head into Justin’s partially open trailer door. “Hey, Justin, you got a little white dog, right?�

“Yeah,� He said, looking suspiciously back at me, while I shifted trying to appear as innocent as I could muster.

“Well, you better get her. Some of the crew members are chasing her around, pissed cause she got into some of their lunches.�

"Fi, you're supposed to be taking care of her." He chided me with a stern frown in place.

Oh yeah, that’s right. Sadie…

I must have forgotten about her when I came in here to find… What the hell did I come in here for? I don’t even know now. Maybe another chew toy or a treat, something along the lines of distracting her from her favorite pastime: bugging me all the time.

"Well how am I supposed to baby-sit both of you at the same time?" I shot indignantly back at him. "It's hard enough running behind you sometimes, then with Sadie that's four legs to be running after."

"You aren't supposed to be babysitting me."

"Yes, and I guess next you’ll be saying I'm also not supposed to fold your underwear and pair your socks up that you've been using to hide your little porn collection either." I said flatly. Knowing damn well there wasn’t enough money in the world to get me to touch his underwear.

His jaw dropped at that, shock skipping merrily across his face followed by its friend embarrassment with anger trailing behind both. "That was you!"

Smiling innocently, I said skittishly, "I don't know what you're talking about Bossman."

"I'm gonna kill you, woman!" Justin cried, chasing me out as I scurried out with a laugh.

"But don't put too much effort into it when you do, ‘cause I'm sure your wrist must be achin’ something fierce."

"Sugar Pie." He called sweetly to me.

"Yes, Honey Bunch?" I said, echoing his tone.

Briefly looking around, he must have notice everyone who was looking at us now, causing him to significantly lower his voice. "We'll discuss this later okay?"

"Alright, honey." I said, walking away before a thought occurred to me, halting me mid-step. "Oh, I almost forgot."

"What?" He asked, warningly.

I hesitated for about half-second then, debating on whether not I wanted to push him a little further. "If you're looking for the hot little pink thong that was in your underwear drawer, I threw that out."

His jaw dropped again even lower than before, if that’s possible, as watched me walk away. "That's not mine!" He squeaked after me, sounding all flustered.

"I'm not here to judge, Honey Bunch.� I said, turning to smirk at him, walking backwards now. “I'm just here to take care of the bitch."

"You mean, Sadie?"

No, I mean you. "Yeah, same difference."

*^*^*

Long blonde locks flipped over a shoulder, long dark lashes batted, long shapely tan legs crossed then uncrossed before crossing again. Janice was working her magic on yet another unsuspecting buffoon of the male species. A handsome buffoon, who I’m sure if they ever did get together in a permanent sense would undoubtedly help her to spawn super-model children who would grow to become the bane of my children’s existence.

Though at the stunning rate I was going in that department, it would be long, cold day in hell…also known as the sperm bank before I’d even have to worry about such things. Anyways, I had been standing off along the sidelines, entertaining Sadie with my dazzling conversational skills with subjects ranging from the ever interesting gum on the bottom of my shoe to how in the hell did I wind up doing this with my life. It was somewhere in between this talk so apparently deep that it had caused Sadie to close her eyes to better hear and comprehend my words that I looked up and noticed Justin noticing Janice and the man that had come on the set with seemingly one purpose: to flirt her into a giggling hysteria.

Now had he just merely looked and then looked away I would have never thought anything of it. But every time I glanced up his eyes were locked on the two of them as if he couldn’t find anything more interesting in the world to stare at the moment. So I did what any sophisticated individual would do upon noticing such a situation, I made sure to softly sing “Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush…� every single time I passed him.

I guess I must have not been walking fast enough, because one time when I doing that and was in the process of escaping, he suddenly pulled me back and whispered to me,“You don’t think…I mean, you don’t think that they are…�

Being sensitive to his distress over the situation, I finished for him. “Fucking like there’s no tomorrow?�

“Well…� He swallowed thickly, licking his lips nervously. “God, Fi, did you have to word it like that?� He grimaced as if he was getting a visual from it.

I simply shrugged with a small smile gracing my mischievous face.

“So, are they?�

“Oh, yeah.� I nodded knowingly. Now did I really know? Nope, this was only the second or third time I’d seen ol’ boy. But messing with Justin was just too much fun to pass up.

“For real?� He asked, looking at me fully now. Tearing his eyes away from Janice and the other guy long enough to fix those blue eyes of his that were getting all doey and sad on me.

Ah, damn! I’m going to have to tell the truth. “No.� I sighed. “I dunno nothing about them.�

“So you don’t think they’re…�

I rolled my eyes. “Damn, I don’t know.� I groaned, ready to be done with the conversation since he’d successfully sucked the fun right out of it. “And most importantly, I don’t care and neither should you, Mr. I-Don’t-Like-Her.�

This was when he straightened up, his voice resumed its usual cocky bastard inclination as he said, “Oh, what, I can’t be curious about her life without liking her?�

“Uh-duh.�

“Well, trust me, I don’t like that girl. I was just being nosey.�

“Whateva.� I said smiling at him knowingly.

Getting annoyed now, he frowned at the look I was giving him and said, “Damn, don’t you have something you should be doing right now?! I know I’m not paying you to be grinning up in my face like that.�

I laughed at his irritation, glad for once to have turned the tables around on him and nodded, hands raised in surrender as if I was metaphorically backing away from the subject as the words “Denial isn’t cute� escaped my mouth. Seeing the frown deepen on his face I added, “I’m going. I’m going.�

“Good.� He muttered.

“Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush…� I whispered just loud enough for him to hear as I walked by, receiving a series of grumbles from him.

*^*^*

I wish could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you

Beautiful people with bright sparkling smiles surrounded me from all sides. Staring up at me from their places on the floor, where I'd strewn them out. I couldn't even remember now in this moment, what my purpose was for doing this. But I must have gotten into some kind of trance or a daze, because the more magazines I looked through, the more the beautiful peopled pattern spread, until it was infecting nearly half of my room's floor space. I'd stared at all of their faces. Drawing small lines here and there. A little on the nose. A little on the eyes. Dots on the cheeks.

Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)

I don't know why I was doing it. I hadn't done something like this since I was a little girl, back in the fifth grade when magazines such as these with their happy-go-lucky perfection had mesmerized me. I could hardly take my eyes off of them and when I managed to pull my eyes away, there was always time to think about it. Think about how much I wasn't like them. How much work it would take me to get where they were. This led to the straightening my hair, awful unspeakable hair color changes, and clothes choices that...well, only went to prove how brain-washed I had become.

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways

And here I was, all these years later...fallin' back in the same trap. I was laid amongst the dubbed beautiful ones, my mind drifted off to its quiet place of doubts and what ifs.

But it's all the same

What if I were pretty? What if I sparkled and shine with a glow that was naturally mine?

At the end of the day
I have myself to blame

Ding-dong, goes reality. Or in other words, the doorbell just rang, successfully saving me from further hammering on the nail of my many flaws.

I'm just trippin'

No sooner had I managed to peek out of the peephole and open the door, did Sadie come charging in, overflowing with excitement and ‘love me’ vibes as she proceeding to jump all over me, ruining my nice clean clothes with her white fur that clung to it like an extra-small on a body intended for a large.

The bitch was back. And I’m not referring to the four-legged wonder, who was currently frolicking about my house in search of God knows what. Turning to the reason I’d be having dog hair in my house for weeks to come, I said, “You know…� I trailed off with a frustrated groan, my mouth unable to form the words.

“Hello to you too, Fi.� He grinned, clearly reveling in the throbbing his presence had created in my left temple. This was supposed to be my off day, dammit! He promised me. Why the hell do I find myself wanting to pout and stomp my feet? “I know, I’d already given you the day off…but…my mom’s in town and she wants to ‘hang out’ with me.�

“Can’t y’all hang out with Sadie?�

“We could if we were just going to be loungin’ around the house. My mom…she…� He trailed off with a sigh. “She just recently got divorced from my dad a few months ago, which is a good thing. I love them, but they are two people that should by no means be married to one another.�

“Guess someone should have told them that twenty-four years ago.�

That clueless smile of his appeared for a hot second, before the genius must have been able to count up the number of years he’d been stuck on this Earth. “Ha ha, you’re hilarious.� He retorted, promptly sticking his tongue out at me. “Anyways, so she’s newly single and wants to go exploring the club scene.�

“With her son?� I asked, incredulously. I know I don’t know much about mother-daughter relationship, considering how I refused to believe that they way my mother treated me was ‘normal’ so I really had no clue what a ‘normal’ mother-son relationship should be like. But going clubbin’ with Mummy doesn’t sound very ‘normal’ to me.

“Yeah, we’re more like best friends though.� He added with a smile.

“Okay so you’re a Momma’s Boy…how lovely. But I’m still not seeing why now at…� I trailed off, glancing around the room until my eyes landed on a nearby clock. “Why now at three-twenty-eight in the afternoon do I have to keep Sadie.�

“Oh, that’s cause me and boys are gonna go play a game of hoops.�

“You’re going to play basketball?�

“No, we’re going to go hula-hoopin’.�

Rolling my eyes at his sardonic remark, I grumbled more to myself than him, “Well, that’s just fuckin’ fantabulous.�

I faintly heard him chuckling to himself at that, as my attention began to get diverted onto the loud giggling conversation that probably consisted of ‘No, no you’re more beautiful than me!’ coming from the beautiful people (Janice and her latest nameless boy-toy) seated in the other room, who had already succeeded in putting me into a funk once today. I really didn’t need an encore.

“Oh yeah, sure…you can come in.� I muttered, my attention focused on Justin again as he walked into my house without a word.

He still didn’t say anything, his eyes seemingly enthralled by the Janice and the nameless one. I should really start giving her guys numbers or something so I can keep track of them. Nah, I’ve never been that great with numbers. Fake names will probably do better. So I’ll call this one…

Angel. Because he kind of reminded me of David Boreanaz’s character on Angel, with all that deep, dark, mysterious brooding he had going on—that is when he wasn’t busy giggling like a little school bitch with Janice.

“I hate beautiful people.� I muttered to myself. “Especially the gigglin’ kind.�

Upon hearing Justin laughing, I realized I must being thinking out loud again. I really had to work on that. “Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?� I asked, smiling sheepishly.

“Yep, you did.� He retorted, glancing back over at the other two who were currently snuggled up together, whispering about whatever it is that beautiful would say to one another. “Yeah, hate them too.�

“You hate beautiful people?� I asked, skeptically. “Why? You are one of them.�

Shrugging, he simply replied, “I dunno, sometimes imperfections are more appealing.�

“Yeah, sure they are.� I said, rolling my eyes unconvinced that a guy like him who used damn near every reflective surface to stare at himself could actually believe that. “So says the six-times a week gym-goer. Mr. Do-These-Pants-Make-My-Ass-Look-Fat.�

Chortling, he shrugged again, “Hey, well, I never said those things looked good on me.� Sobering again, he added, “But y’know how some people have sex appeal? Well some people have something that’s even better. Natural appeal.� He said, gazing at me in a way that had me wondering if this ‘natural appeal’ mumbo jumbo he was sprouting off at the mouth about was supposed to apply to me. “Which is special, y’know. And I don’t mean special in no ‘special’ Olympics kinda definition. I’m talkin’ about it being special because it’s rare. ‘Real’ is rare in this manufactured world of artificiality. And it’s gettin’ harder and harder to find someone with natural appeal. Sex appeal though, that’s a dime a dozen nowadays.�

Did I have durr-stupid tattooed to my forehead today or what? Did he seriously think I was actually going to believe that he believed that shit he was rambling on about?

“Just admit that you’re shallow…deep as a thirsty raindrop.�

“I am not! I have layers…like an onion.�

“Hmmm.� I murmured. “Okay, Shrek, you have layers. Right.� I rolled my eyes at him.

A slow, cocky smile ambled across his confident face as he moved more into my face. “And if you’re nice, Princess, I’ll let you peel them off one…by…one.� He whispered, his warm breath tinkling my ear.

“Eww, see, I knew there was a good reason I didn’t like onions.� I retorted, nose wrinkled up in disgust. “And besides, have you ever heard of such a thing as sexual harassment?�

“You know you like it when I talk dirty to you.�

Sneering at him and taking a few large steps back, I replied, “Yeah, just as much I’d like to have a hunchback and starting tollin’ bells in Notre Dame.�

Without hesitation he began to pretend to be a hunchback, dragging one foot behind him as he said with a heavy lisp, “Do not ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.�

I couldn’t help but laugh at that while I shook my head sadly at him. “You have got to be the weirdest, dorkiest cool person I know.�

“Why, I think that’s the first sorta compliment you paid me.� He drawled with a grin, before nudging me slightly. “Aww, I think I’m wearing you down.� He winked.

“Don’t take my momentary lapse into semi-niceness as some kind of victory.� I retorted, managing to suck all the amusement out of my face at that moment.

“Girl, shut up. You know like me!� He said, still grinning as he bum-rushed me, pulling me into an unexpected hug. “We gotta watch our movie together sometime.� He added, playfully pinching me in the side. I assumed ‘our movie’ was Shrek, as I rubbed my side, fixing a glare on him. “But right now I gotta run so I can get this game in and by back in time to get Sadie and get ready for tonight. My momma will kick my ass if I’m late.� He continued, unfazed my annoyance.

“Well, in that case what’s the rush? It’s not like there’s much of anything back there for her to be kickin’ anyways.� I laughed.

“You’ve been checkin’ out my ass again?� He asked, waggling his finger at me disapprovingly. “You know, Sugar Pie, there’s such a thing called sexual harassment, right?�

“Yes, Honey Bunches of Oats, I realize that. But…but…you’re just so damn sexy! I just can’t help myself sometimes.� I retorted, pretends to swoon.

Chuckling, he said, “Well, I know it’s hard, but you’re really going to have to find some restraint. Otherwise it’s off to the nunnery with thee.�

With a quick roll of my eyes, I replied, “Whateva…goodbye dear Hamlet.�

“Parting is such sweet sorrow.� He said, switching gears to quote Romeo & Juliet now.

“Not if you never leave!�

Laughing, he said, “Alright, alright…I’m goin’. Try not to miss me too much, okay?�

“Bye.� I muttered, my voice deadpanned.

Responding to my irritation in his typically aggravating way, he pulled me into yet another hug. Quick and tight this time. Dropping a small peck on the top my head, he said, “I’ll be back around…�

“Doesn’t matter, just go.� I frowned at him, shooing him out the door now.

�See ya later, Princess.�

“Yeah, uh-huh…bye, jackass.�

He frowned, looking slightly puzzled. “I’m Shrek, remember. Not the donkey.�

“Ahh, Jesus Christ, just go! For the love of God, leave!� I groaned.

“Alright, alright. Geesh! No need to get all huffy.�

I stood in the doorway long enough to watch him as he slowly made his way down the driveway and into his car, where he proceeded to incessantly wave and blow disgusting little goodbye kisses my way, before I responded by simply rolling my eyes and shutting the door.

God, that boy needed to get laid or something! Then maybe he’d leave me alone.
______________________________
This chapter features: TLC - Unpretty

Chapter 6: And So It Begins…
It's always a blow to the male ego to find that a woman has more game than him. But then take whatever impact that blow had and add about half a pound of insult when that woman turns out to be your own momma. Add the cherry on top at the fact she was drunk and still had more of a chance of leaving with someone than I did.

But to be perfectly honest, I wasn't really feelin' it that night you know. I mean, I wasn't on the prowl or anything. I'd gone out with my momma for Christ's sake. Best friends or not, she's still my mommie, I can't just get my swerve on with her so close. So I played my role of cool, laidback dude posted up in the back of the room, watching the scene.

The scene, which my mother was quick to make hers. It all started off innocently enough with one guy dancing with her, then I must have taken my eyes off of her for one solitary minute at the most before the next thing I knew when I glanced back over at her, she was surrounded, by a bunch of gyrating sweaty twenty-something guys. And once I got over the initial shock of the group grinding my mother was the center of and recovered my eyes back into their normal position in my eyes, I was quick to put an end to that.

And you know what she had the nerve to say after I'd rescued her from all those horny Oedipus complex having bastards? Roughly pushing me away from her, she stumbled backward slightly from the effort before I reached out to steady her again, as she swatted my helping hand away, she fixed me with an intoxicated frown and pointed her finger at me and said, "I never raised you to be like that."

"Be like what?" I asked, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

"A cockblocker, sweetie." She said with a giggle as my mouth instantly dropped at her language. I didn't know she knew words like, let alone used them. "Lighten up, honey. I was only dancing. I was having fun. And I know you don't know what fun is anymore..."

"I know what fun is." I pouted.

"Ahh, honey, honey, honey..." She said, clasping both of my cheeks with each of her hands, pinching and twisting, turning them this way and that with every 'honey' uttered. "You're so cute, you'll find someone. Britney wasn't shit."

"Ma..." I whined, brushing her hands and words away from me.

"Justin," She scolded me, trying to appear stern, but her sixth shot of vodka shot such efforts straight to hell. "I tried to warn you about that girl. Just like I've tried to warn you about every other girl from your past that you let play you like a damn fool."

"Ma..." I sighed, running my hands through my soft short curls as my eyes scanned around the area searching for an escape from this drunken lecture about how much of a fool I was when it came to who I let handle my achy break-y heart.

"No, listen, this'll be good for you. You need to hear this." She said, grabbing my wrist as if to restrain me from leaving, though I had yet to make a move to do so. "Good guys finish last. I'm sorry, baby but it's true and unfortunately you're a good guy. But that doesn't mean you should try to change yourself, cause you're a good man and hopefully one of these silly little girls will be able to see that. But until then you can't make it so easy for them, y'know? You're too easy with your feelings, you wanna hand over the world on a silver platter to the girl...when a little taste here and there would get you a lot further. You're just too easy, baby. Like say if you were a woman, you'd be the type that's quick to spread your legs. Just too open, too eager. You know what I mean? I mean, girls your age aren't lookin' to get serious. Girls just wanna have fun." She said, before proceeding to sway as she sang the Cindy Lauper song.

"Okay, Ma." I nodded, knowing that doing anything else but agreeing would just lead to more of the same.

Two hours later of holding my tongue and pretending like I didn't notice what my mom was doing and who she was doing it with, everyone seemed to feel the need to rush over to me saying things like 'Dude, isn't that your mom dancin' on the bar?' or my personal favorite, "There's a woman over there givin' out lap dances and she looks just like your mom, man! That's crazy. Imagine if that was your mom.'

Yeah, imagine that.

The ride home wasn't any better either. Not only had my mom picked up someone, but her and that someone were busy sucking each other faces while I sat with my back turned to them trying to drown out the sound of their furiously colliding lips by continuously banging my head against the window.

Kill me now.

*^*^*

She winced as she stumbled into the kitchen with slow, deliberate steps. Head held in hand, she plopped down into a stool nearby mine at the kitchen island.

"Well aren't we just one big happy family." I commented dryly, noting the fact that her company from the other night had just strolled into the room, towel loosely draped round his shower fresh moist body. The smile and quick kiss the two of them shared, had 'sex last night' written all over it. Unsurprisingly, my nearly starvation level of hunger took a sudden dip into a vomit-up-my-breakfast zone. Pushing myself away from the island, I quickly excused myself from the room.

Approximately three minutes and forty-two seconds later, my bedroom door opened again and in sauntered my dear mother adorning a playful smirk. "He's gone."

"Good." I grumbled.

"What's wrong, honey?" She sighed, running her fingers briefly through her long curly locks. "You're actin' funny. The last time I remember you acting like this was after you caught me and your daddy after we'd read up on Karma Sutra and we were..."

"Tut, tut, tut!" I groaned, throwing my hands up as a stop sign for her words. "It took me a long, long time to get that mental image out of my mind. And...damn! It's back. Thank you so much." I sighed frustratedly before falling back onto my bed.

"You're such a drama queen." She laughed, sitting gently down beside me.

"Ma, don't say things like that. That's how the gay rumours got started.�

Giggling she said, "You know, that wasn't what started it, baby. It was all them years you and Britney were together while she was still claiming to be a virgin is what did that."

"Ma..." I sighed, pulling a pillow over my head.

"Sorry, sorry. I know, I'm not supposed to mention the B-word anymore." She laughed, clearly amused by my annoyance. "But you gotta get over it, honey. And limiting your vocabulary ain't getting over it." When I decided to plead the fifth, she continued on in her typical way. "You know what you need to do?"

"Leave this house before you can give me anymore advice?" I asked, revealing a small smile on my face as I moved the pillow away from my head.

"You need to get out and start dating again."

"I've tried."

"Where was the trying?" She frowned.

"Me going out nearly every night."

"You know you're not going to find a good woman at a damn nightclub." She scolded.

"That's where I met Britney after losing touch on MMC."

"I rest my case." She laughed with a groan as she clutched the side of her head. "Why did you let me drink so much?"

"There was no letting you do anything. You just did. I tried to stop you a couple of times and for my efforts I rewarded with loving terms like 'cockblocker.'"

Laughing softly, she said, "Honey that wasn't you trying to keep me from drinking, that was you trying to keep me from living. I was trying to get my swerve on with them young boys and you were messin' up my flow."

My nose wrinkled at the thought of her 'flow.' "Ma, let's not create anymore horrendously long-term mental images to haunt my dreams."

"Boy, shut up!" She laughed, smacking me upside my head. "You know who you should date?"

Sighing, I made a move to leave. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I'd made it out of the room, her voice trailing close behind me let me know that she was following me and had every intention of taking this lecture on the road.

"You should date that cute girl who works for you."

"Who?" I asked, pretending like I didn't know who she was talking about.

"Jan...uh Janet? Janelle?" She said stumbling over names in her head as she snapped her fingers trying to remember.

"Janice?" I reluctantly supplied for her.

"Yeah!" She cried in triumphant recognition, but groaning softly as her hands moved back to hold her head. "Yeah, yeah, her.� She continued, her voice lowered to a more hangover friendly volume. “You should date her. She's cute, seems nice and smart enough. Y'all would make me some cutie patootie grandbabies."

With a loud sigh I moved toward the fridge, not really in search of anything but an escape from this conversation.

"Okay, so maybe y'all don't have to immediately jump into marriage and babies...but c'mon a date at least." She pleaded.

Had it been that long since I’d been on a real date? I mean, it had only been a couple of months since I broke it off with Britney. It wasn’t like I’d stopped living…I was still out doing my thing.

Occasionally.

Okay, if I’m completely honest I have to change that ‘occasionally’ to ‘rarely’ but I’m a busy man. Who has time for relationships nowadays anyways?

"Ma, I'm not interested."

"Why not? She seems perfect for you." She argued, before allowing the conversation to fall into a small but very welcomed lull. "Oh no, baby. Is this when you come out of the closet?"

Studying her face, I had to wonder if she was serious and judging by the sudden glimmer of worry sparkling in her dark blue eyes I realized that my life had reached a new low when my mother was sincerely questioning my sexuality.

It was definitely time to get my Stella on, ‘cause somehow—I dunno know exactly—I’d lost my groove and I desperately needed it back before my mom switched from setting me up with her friend’s daughters to setting me up with their rainbow toting sons.

*^*^*
Because I'm fat.

That's why I workout. That's why the spandex was dragged out of the 80's and onto my ass, again. That's why the TV was yelling at me in Richard Simmons' annoyingly nasal voice to 'lift those legs higher, you fat cow.'

Okay so he wasn't calling anybody a 'fat cow.' But that's what I felt like as I was panting to the beat of a song that should have never been written in the first place let alone used as the background music to inspire people to 'feel the burn.'

I personally didn't want to feel any burn. No random kitchen fire incident burn. No 'oops...I have an STD now' burn. No I-actually-put-physical-effort-into-something-that-didn't-involve-lifting-food-to-my-open-and eagerly-awaiting-mouth burn.

I was still Sweatin’ to the Oldies when the doorbell rang, but I ignored it. Focusing on the workout that I knew if I was distracted from that I'd be hard-pressed to drag myself back to. By the sixth and tenth ring, I was ready to kill the person behind door number one (commonly referred to as the front door).

Around the twelfth ring, I grew tired of trying to balance between ignoring the incessant ring and occasionally calling for Janice to come and answer the damn door before I officially was plunged into the realm of mentally insane. It was also around that time that I remembered that Janice had gone out to one of those day spas she likes to visit every once in a while.

Fifteenth ring, I told Richard Simmons to kiss my fat ass as I turned off the TV - effectively shutting him up. Mid-sixteenth, I was swinging the door open, angry enough to immediately start swinging on the imbecile who would not take a hint.

"Finally." The blue-eyed, curly-haired imbecile boss of mine grinned, upon seeing me on the other side of the now opened door. "I was beginning to think that nobody was home."

"You were beginning to think that? Sixteen rings later?"

Chuckling to himself at my clear irritation, he said slowly, "Patience is a virtue."

"You are a fool." I said mimicking him.

"Maybe so." He shrugged flippantly, his glance falling to his feet momentarily. "But a persistent one. You have to give me credit for that."

"No, I don't. I don't have to give you anything."

Silence sidled into the space between us, as we stared quietly at each other. I looked away first. I was never good at staring contests. I'd always found them to be utterly rude and pointless.

"So can I come in?" He asked, switching his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot, to foot again.

Before the yeah, sure could bubble its way out of my mouth as my years of hometraining had raised me to respond to such a question, I regained my senses and sensibly asked instead, “What are you doing here?�

“It’s nice to see you, too.� He grinned, clearly unfazed by my rudeness.

“Yeah, it’s a pleasure as always.� I replied with sardonically covered sweetness. “But what are you doing here?�

“Can I come in?� He persisted, glancing at his perfectly white tennis shoes before almost shyly meeting my gaze.

This was the second time in a barely a minute that Justin Timberlake appeared less than confident, less than arrogant, less than asshole-y…and it worried me. Something was up.

“What are you doing here?� I repeated, watching him closely now as a PI would a crime suspect.

“You really like that question, don’t you? You’re just like a pit bull on it.� He said, grasping air and pretending to gnaw at it before chuckling to himself at what I’m sure he considered to be hilarious, but in reality was extremely odd—which is something that more and more I’m finding to be a good description of him in general.

Rolling my eyes I quipped, “And you really like avoiding answering it, don’t you?�

“I’ll tell you once you let me in.� He grinned that playboy grin of his.

After eyeing him suspiciously for several seconds, I finally relented and let him in. “So…� I started again, both of us sitting on the couch now.

“So…� He echoed.

“You know if you don’t start talking soon I’m going to go back to that question you seem to not want to answer.� I said, getting impatient.

“I wanna know…� He trailed off before starting again much more softly than he’d been speaking before. “a-about Janice.�

I frowned---actually it wasn’t so much of a frown per se, as it was that my lips just happened to fall a little to the south at the corners at that moment. Okay, technically I guess that is a frown and I don’t know why it bothered me, even if it was only on this tiny, itty bitty, barely enough to be classified as there, smaller than microscopic level. ‘Bothered’ is a bad word for this. What I mean is…

Disappointed.

Yeah, that’s better. Maybe I was just disappointed because I was expecting some kind of deep dark secret to be revealed. Maybe I’d been watching a little too much of Maury and Jerry Springer lately. Either way, I definitely thought it would have wound up being something a little less predictable than this.

“Why do you want to know about her?�

“It doesn’t matter why.�

“It does to me.�

“Okay then.� He nodded. “It’s because…� He trailed off again this time with what sounded like a defeated sigh. “I like her.�

Shocking, really. A guy liking Janice? Well that stunned me about as much as when I heard that Bush had nearly died from choking on a pretzel. Like I couldn’t see that one coming from a mile away.

“Okay. So what do you wanna know?�

“Just…stuff, I guess.� He shrugged.

I sighed, rolling my eyes at him as my hands swirled encouraging him to elaborate past ‘stuff. ’ I said, “Yes, but what kind of stuff?�

“I dunno,� He shrugged again. His sudden shy and “I dunno, I’m so shy� countenance starting to tap dance on my nerves. “Just tell me what you know.�

“Just tell me what you know so then I can fill you in on what you don’t.�

After a twenty minute discussion on all the splendors that were my roommate and friend, Janice, I eventually ran out of things to say—leaving a silence long enough for Justin to look me over and really notice what I was wearing: my 80’s inspired workout gear which included some hot pink leg warmers, a huge scrunchie tying up my messily thrown up hair, a shirt cut so that it exposed my shoulder on one side, and headband.

Yeah, I know I was looking hot…

…a hot mess, that is. Groaning inwardly, I said, “Don’t say anything.�

He raised his hands in the air in surrender, a shy smirk beginning to curl the edges of his lips as he said, “Wasn’t gonna.�

“Uh-huh� I said, rolling my eyes at him, unconvinced. “I’m going to go change out of my workout clothes and I guess since you seem all comfortable now having nested down into the couch…I suppose you can stay in the meanwhile. The remote’s on the TV if you wanna watch something. Other than that, don’t touch anything.�

“Yes, sir!� He smiled, saluting me.

After I fixed a glare on him (that I used to use to chase away the kids at my school, who had made it their sole purpose to torture me, which had subsequently led me to get the charming nickname ‘Spawn of Satan’) for a long moment, he said, “Uh, I meant…yes, ma’am.� He finished with a smile, trying to look all innocent.

“You know you’re about this close.� I said, holding my pointer and thumb fingers a centimeter apart. “To makin’ me pull a Martin on you and tellin’ you to get ta stepping or at the very least to start flappin’ those Dumbo ears of yours on home.�

Frowning now, he fingered his ears absentmindedly. “Damn girl, you trying to give me a complex or something?�

I shrugged and continued like he hadn’t said a word. “Like I said before don’t touch anything ‘sides that remote while I’m gone. You move so much as a piece of paper out of its original position and I’ll know.�

“What are you anal-retentive or something?� He laughed.

“Maybe.� I muttered. “Or maybe I just don’t like my stuff to be fucked with.� I added, walking away before he could come up with another stupid response.

*^*^*

“What are you doing here?� Janice asked, walking into the house and dumping her things down onto the floor as she went, leaving a trail behind her. She always did that. She knew I hated it when she did it, but still…she always did that.

“You both have impeccable manners.� Justin chuckled, causing my eyes to focus on him for second and realize that he was still there, despite my having tried to get rid of him for the last two hours.

“Oh, I’m sorry.� She started again, casting curious glances my way. “That was very rude of me. Please forgive me, but I’m just a little thrown off by the fact that our boss is here. At our house.�

“I just came by to visit Fi.�

“Oh, you did, did you?� She asked, her eyebrow raised as her arms crossed at her chest. “I didn’t realize you two were friends.�

“We’ve become quite good friends. Actually we’re more than friends.� He smiled, scooting closer to me on the couch and resting his hand on my thigh.

“What?� I asked, breaking into their conversation as I nearly choked on the crackers I’d been nibbling on.

“I know, sugar, you wanted to be the one to tell it.� He said, taking my hand in his. “But I just couldn’t help it. It just kind of slipped out. We shouldn’t hide our love.�

Sugar? Love? What in the hell has this boy been smoking?!

“Y’all are in love? Fi?� She asked, pointedly, staring hard at me now—her face a mixture of shock, cluelessness as to what to believe and extreme doubt.

“I—we—love?� I sputtered, my eyes bouncing between Justin and Janice as if the answer to the question was written on one of their faces.

“Fionna doesn’t really like to talk about us much. But to answer your question, yes we are in love. Very much so.� Justin finally said, being the bastard he is and letting me squirm for a few more seconds as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

“But how can this be?� Janice frowned, her brow rippling in more confusion that I’ve seen her in. She looked so lost that I began to feel sorry for her, but I knew about as much as she did and was about to tell her so, when I glanced over at Justin and judging by the way he kept winking his eyes, I guessed I was supposed to just play along with it. “Why didn’t you ever tell me before, Fionna? I thought we were close enough now that you didn’t feel the need to keep secrets anymore. I tell you everything.�

And when she said ‘everything’ that’s exactly what she meant and when the stories are about irregular bowel movements ‘everything’ is a helluva lot more information than you could have ever wanted. Ever.

With all the articulation I could muster, I said, “I—we—love?�

*^*^*

“Tell me how you and me being together will get you to be with Janice and me to be with Richard. Tell me why you would even think that just because you’re dating me that suddenly you’d look appealing to Janice. Tell me why you think that Janice would go after a man that is or was depending on how soon you want our faux relationship to break up…anyways a man that at one point or another was involved with her friend. Now I might not be completely up on the new rules of engagement involving friendships, but I could have sworn there was a rule against shit like that.� I said, after Justin had finished explaining me the plan he’d formulated and forced on me.

“Will you just shut up, woman?! For one minute! Damn. I can’t think with all your constant yapping.� He said, his head falling into his hands.

I held my tongue for a full thirty seconds, before I couldn’t help but say, “It didn’t work in My Best Friend’s Wedding.�

He sighed, raising his head slightly. “What didn’t work?�

“This date someone else to get the one you want plan.�

“Well that’s a movie.� He said, dismissively.

“Exactly!� I exclaimed in irritation resisting adding a ‘ding ding ding, you idiot.’ “So if a movie can’t even make such an illogical scheme that doesn’t have the boss and friend of the person you’re trying to entice elements against it work. How can you even possibly begin to believe that this will work for us?�

“Simple.� He replied. “People always want what they can’t have. Right now we’re both available, therefore by dating one another we make ourselves unavailable. Therefore making us what they want.�

“Therefore making us,� I started, mimicked him flawlessly. “Complete losers for having to do all this in the first place. If they don’t want us, they don’t want us. I realize you’re Justin Timberlake, pop star extraordinare, but in regular folk land this is what is called rejection. And what you are suffering from is denial.�

“You say denial, I say hope.�

Sighing, I shook my head resignedly. “Fine, whatever. I’ll go along with your little harebrained scheme. But let me just say that this is going to take more than just some hope. What we need is a damn miracle.�

Chapter 7: A Damn Miracle
“When life hands me lemons, I make beef stew.�
—Andy Milonakis

I know what you’re thinking…

Okay actually I have no idea what you’re thinking, I’ve just always wanted to say that. Or be a psychic. Or a woman. Oh lord, that’s where those cross dressing rumours are coming from aren’t they? I meant being a woman in the sense of having their ability to read minds, or mess with them at least with their Jedi mind tricks.

Women.

That’s the reason I’m in this mess in the first place. I don’t know what made me do this. I wasn’t really planning on it, it just kind of happened. But I’d gladly do it again to see that look of utter shock on Fionna’s face. It was priceless. It took all I had not to laugh.

And now that I’d gotten myself into this, I figured I should do it right, because who knows…it could work. Miracles happen everyday right? So why couldn’t it happen for me? I think I’m due for one anyways. Not that there’s a miracle waiting list that I’ve been on since the fourth grade when I used to pee in my pants when I got really excited or nervous and I used to pray every day and every night that God would have mercy on me and either kill me or find a way to make diapers that would fit me without making the little giveaway squeaky diaper noises that would cause me to go back to wanting that first option.

"Okay if we're going to be a believable couple we gotta practice." I said, standing in my TV room, pacing next to the couch where Fionna was sitting. "It's gotta look natural." I continued, pacing slightly. "Cause if it doesn't Janice will become suspicious."

Hearing the sound of her sudden laughter, I frowned and turned to face her—finding her completely relaxed and lounging on the couch, flipping channels on the TV while munching on some chips. No sooner had I clicked the TV off did she finally give me the attention she should have been giving me all along.

"Hey, I was watching that!" she cried, with a deep frown.

"You're not over here to watch TV and have fun."

Sighing loudly, she forced her recumbent posture into a more upright position. "God forbid I have some fun."

“You can have fun on your own time.� I smiled. "Did you hear anything I'd said?"

"Nope." she said nonchalantly, a yawn punctuating her sentence.

"Okay, well I was talkin’ about how we've gotta practice being a couple so that when we do it in public it looks natural and not so premeditated."

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Practice acting natural?"

"Yeah, it's gotta look real. From the moment we're out in the public together it's gotta be Justin and Fionna, the couple."

She groaned at that. "Oy ve! Does this mean I gotta...hug you." She shuddered at the thought and if it had of been anyone else I probably would have been insulted.

"Yeah,� I nodded, before adding, “hug, kiss...be nice. All that good stuff."

"Kiss?" The word slid off her tongue like the vilest of vile things. "Oh see now you done gone too far…I am not kissing you!"

Laughing at her outburst, I said, "Relax, it's not like it's going to be a stroll in the dark for me either."

"Stroll in the dark?" She laughed. "You mean, walk in the park."

"Yeah, whatever. You know what I meant, the point is…it's not going to be easy or fun for me."

I waited for her to speak up, either by saying something random, something rude, or something. The girl seemed to always have something to say.

"So do we gotta practice staring longingly into each other eyes?" she asked, batting her lashes at me before rolling her eyes with a laugh.

"Yeah,� I smiled. I hadn’t that about that but… “sure." I shrugged.

"Really?� Her nose scrunched up at the thought. “I was joking."

"I mean, that's what couples do so..."

Pushing out another long breath of air, a pout took root on her face as she grumbled, "I don't like being your girlfriend."

"It's only been a few hours." I laughed.

"Yeah and what does that say about you as a boyfriend?" she grinned at my momentary frown.

"Aww, Sugar Pie...you know you love me." I teased, grabbing her to kiss her cheek. She immediately began to squirm, trying desperately to wiggle out of my grasp—and she almost did, not because she was stronger than me or anything. Girl-giraffe or not, I was still a man. But she looked so silly, so cute, when she was squirming around like she didn’t want me to kiss her that it was making me laugh. "Don't fight it, baby. A love like this only comes once in a lifetime."

“So does chicken pox...� She said, still squirming but before she could finish her sentence I’d finally managed to plant a soft kiss to her chin, the only thing my lips could reach.

"Ewwww!!" She shrieked, leaping to her feet as my little kiss was a repellant of some kind. "I've got to take a lava bath now and cleanse my skin."

"Lava bath?" I laughed at her ridiculousness.

"Yes, molten lava. What, you don't think would be strong enough?" she asked, looking genuinely worried.

"Shut up!" I laughed again, trying to laugh off the fact that maybe she really just didn’t like my kiss after all. Not that I’d really gotten to show what I could do. I mean, she can’t seriously judge my skills off of that, right? Besides how many times does a girl like Fionna get kissed, to really have anything to compare it to anyways? "You can't act like this every time I show you affection." I finally added.

"I know, I know." She groaned; her hand still occasionally swiping at her chin. "I just have to get used to this."

Pushing past the fact that her continuing to try to wipe my kiss off was bugging me, I just smiled instead and said sweetly, "Hence why we must practice, sweetheart."

"Sweetheart?� she frowned. “Wasn't Sugar Pie horrible enough?"

Laughing, I genuinely smiled at her this time, realizing just how much fun it was going to be torture her through this ‘relationship.’ "I like to give my girl an array of little pet names. Keeps the spice in the relationship." I winked.

Rolling her eyes at me, she muttered, "If spice means Pepto-Bismol, causing the stomach to churn to the point of vomiting…sure. I can believe that."

"You know,� I started, my smile growing as her frown deepened the more chipper I became about all this. “you really got to work on that negative attitude."

"Negative attitude?" She scoffed. "I don't know what you're talking about. Back in high school I was voted Miss Congeniality two years in a row!"

Unimpressed by her fake happy demeanor, I said, "And the lying has got to stop too. I can’t have my woman being some pessimistic pathological liar."

"Your woman? Don’t insult me. I ain't your woman." She said, arms crossed.

"Maybe not in a regular sense of the word, but technically now you are and that still doesn’t change the fact that you are also a pessimistic pathological liar in need of a major attitude adjustment."

With a small pout, she added softly, "You never complained about my attitude before."

"And why should I have? You were just my friend before. It's different now."

"First of all, I was never a friend of yours. And second of all, how is it suddenly so different?"

"What do you mean, you weren't my friend? We had lunch together almost everyday and nicknames, girl. I don’t be giving out nicknames to folks all willy-nilly like. Didn't that mean anything to you?"

Throwing her head back with her rolling laughter, she caught her breath long enough to say, "Is this your way of telling me that I'm going to have to be the man in this relationship?"

"Whatever, listen,� I said, getting serious, since she had this uncanny ability to take the fun out of everything. “this is what's going to have to happen."

"Okay, tell me how it's going to go down. Don't ask me. Why would you ask me? I'm just a girl after all, what would I know anyways, right?" she finished, with a roll of her eyes.

Groaning, I said,"Don't get all Gwen Stefani, whiny feminist on me. And if you have an idea feel free to tell me."

"Oh thank you, Massa! I's gots some idears, too. Yes’um. Some real nice ones. Mmhmm." She nodded head eagerly, her eyes never raising to meet mine.

"Cut the race shit too." I said, rolling my eyes at her. "You know this has nothing to do with that."

Leaning back into the cough again, she sighed, "Alright, whatever, just get to what you were goin’ to say."

"Okay, I was going to say..." I trailed off, trying to remember but absolutely nothing coming to me. "Damn, I forgot what I was going to say because of you."

"My looks are so distracting that I got your little woddle mind all frazzled.� She smiled, giving me the baby voice. “Yes, I do, yes, I do."

"Don't take that as a compliment though." I laughed.

"Fuck you!" She spat, tossing pillow at me with a lop-sided half smirk.

In an attempt to defend myself, I grabbed another throw pillow and proceeded to wallop her over the head with it repeatedly, until she grabbed a second one and managed to overpower me and knock me to the floor. Not that she’s stronger than me or anything, she just had the numbers in her favor at that moment. But I was quick to turn the tables and grabbing another for myself, I began to wind mill pummel attack, which of course left her crumpled on the floor and defenseless.

Looming over her I said, “Beg for mercy and I’ll let you go easy.�

Always the defiant one, she proclaimed, “Nunca!�

“What?� I frowned.

"Never, estupido." She said rolling her eyes at my Spanish stupidity as she closed her eyes preparing herself for the blow that was signal my inevitable victory.

But I didn’t hit her again, that was too predictable. Instead I leaned over her, my lips lingering dangerously close to hers.

She must have sensed that something was up, because she suddenly opened her eyes, gasping at my closeness, her body tensed, but I didn't pull away. I was enjoying the moment too much for that.

Our eyes are locked for several seconds as she didn’t move and didn’t move—both of us barely breathing. Just as my lips tenderly brushed against hers the phone rang and even though I tried to ignore it, its continued ringing was too annoying to be ignored. So I pulled away, hopping quickly to my feet, I answered the phone, taking it into another room to talk.

“Tell your dad if he calls my place one more time, I’m gonna go over to his place, like he’s been beggin’ me to, but not to give up the booty like he wants. But to break my foot off in his…�

“Mom?�

“Yeah,� She laughed. “Who did you think it was?�

“I dunno. I get a lot of weirdo calls.�

“Oh, so you’re saying that I’m a weirdo?�

If the shoe fits. “Nah, no of course not, Ma.�

Laughing, she said, “Whateva. So how have you been? Feels like I haven’t talked to you in forever.�

“In forever? We talked just yesterday.�

“Well, that was yesterday. What have you been doing today?�

Practicing being in love with a woman that can barely stand me to get her friend. “Nothing.� I said.

“You sound guilty. What have you really been doing? And when are you going to ask out that pretty Jenny? I’m not getting any younger, ya know and I’d like to have grandbabies before I’m wearing diapers again.�

“Her name is Janice.� I corrected her. She seemed to never be able to remember Janice’s name. “And I’m working on it.�

“Well, what’s there to work on? Just holler at her, isn’t that what y’all kids do nowadays?�

“Holler?� I laughed. “Yeah, I’ll holler at her.�

“Are you making fun of me, boy?� She threatened, even though that didn’t sound like a threat—believe me it was.

“No, ma’am.�

“That’s better. Now I don’t have all day to stay on this phone, I got a date with this lil’ cutie.�

“Please tell me that lil is in reference to his height.�

Laughing, she said, “Younger man, slightly older woman ain’t not big deal anymore. Look at Demi and Ashton. An-an-and, I dunno, boy…but there’s a lot. So don’t be percolatin’.�

“Percolatin’? What are you talking about? You mean, don’t hate?� I laughed. “Lord, Ma, quit before you hurt yourself.�

“I know you aren’t making fun of me again? Cause right after I finish beating your horny ass father down, I’ll make a special trip over your place to do you the same.�

“I’m sorry. You know I was just playing, Ma.�

“Uh-huh. I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.�

Yay, I can’t wait! I thought, rolling my eyes. “Okay, bye.� I said, hanging up the phone and walking back into the other room, where I’d left Fionna. I was getting ready to apologize to her for taking so long on the phone, but I didn’t even get to start before I nearly killed myself from tripping over her. She was still laying on the floor, in the same damn place I left her.

"And imagine what my kiss would have done to you if I hadn't been interrupted." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was just laying here pondering how my life had come to this." She snapped, looking disgustedly at me, while swiping at her mouth as if to wipe away my kiss.

"You know you want me." I winked.

She just grumbled as she walked past me, careful to not brush against me as she expertly maneuvered to the bathroom, where I could hear her gurgling some mouthwash a couple of times. When she finally came back, she headed in a straight line shot for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, hopping up in front of her.

Frowning, she crossed her arms in front of her chest—giving off big ‘back off’ vibes. "Home."

I smiled at her, hoping my relaxed stance would relax her defensive one. "I thought you were going to stay here for the night, so then Janice would see how much in love we are." I laughed at the last part.

“Well,� She breathed out in huff, dropping her arms to her side, before shrugging. "I just realized I forgot my toothbrush."

"Oh, don't worry, I got extra in the hall closet."

"Well..." She trailed off so long, I could tell she was fumbling for an excuse. Did little ol’ innocent, sweet me make her nervous? I thought smirking.

"We still have a lot of practicing to do." I reminded her, touching her arm to test how nervous she was around me now.

Tensing at my touch, she backed away from me. "How much more do we have to do? Have sex?"

Laughing at her petrified expression, I shook my head. "No." After watching her visibly relax, I added, "Not yet."

“Boy, hush! You play too much.� She laughed nervously. “You are joking, right?�

I just chuckled, walking away as I headed up the stairs.

�Right?� She asked again, tentatively following behind me.

*^*^*

I stared at the waves lapping onto the shore. I wasn’t a surfer by any definition. I wasn’t even a very good swimmer. I told Justin this, but did that stop him from pushing for his surfing day with Janice and Richard? Of course not.

And besides the possibility of dying, I was forced to walk around on in a bikini around Richard. Was Justin trying to sabotage my chances with Richard? Or was his mind so focused on having his Bay Watch fantasy fulfilled with Janice, that he didn’t care that I might not be exactly confident wearing two little patches of cloth over my boobs and little bottoms which were steadily inching up my ass?

How lovely would that be if Richard caught me digging out a wedgie?

Not that I had a chance to fully strut around in all my awkward glory, what with Justin constantly smothering me in all this ‘affection’—doing all the ‘sweet’ things boyfriends do.

Shit, here comes Mr. Hands right now. Dammit, smile. Remember to smile. If I smiled anymore though my cheeks were going to start hurting. Smiling this much isn’t natural.

Coming up behind me and wrapping me in his arms, I jumped slightly still not used to this ‘affection’ thing and forcing myself to resist the nearly insatiable urge I had every time he did that to clock him or at least elbow him one good time. And if it wasn’t bad enough that he was constantly invading my space, he just had to go and give me little kisses just behind my ears, causing me to always swat at his lips while I tried not to grimace too much.

Laughing at me as I swatted at his loose lips again, he said, “Stop frowning.�

“Stop molesting me.� I said, through gritted teeth as I forced my lips back into an upward position.

“You wish I would molest you, Sugar Pie.� He whispered into my ear, before nibbling on my earlobe slightly.

Smiling for Janice and Richard’s benefit, I grabbed his ear as discreetly as possible and hissed, “If you like living, I suggest you never do that again.� Twisting his ear, I added, “Okay, Honey Bunch?� I grinned, broadly and genuinely this time.

He rubbed his Dumbo ears and pouted at me, but even that minor attack wasn’t good enough to stop Mr. Hands. Re-wrapping his arms around me, giving me a small squeeze this time, he kissed behind my ear again and said, “Be nice. You love me, remember?�

“Yeah, yeah.� I grumbled, rolling my eyes. “I think it’s overwhelmingly obvious how much I love you.� I smiled at him, making myself kiss him on the cheek without gagging as I gingerly held his hand, linking our fingers together. “I mean, I haven’t killed you yet.�

Grinning, he laughed. “Yeah, baby, you’re too good to me.�

“I know. But you’re just so cute, I can’t help it.� I added, louder than I’d been speaking, for Janice’s sake.

“I know you’re glad that you get to spend some quality time with your woman or whatever.� Richard finally spoke up, looking bored with the situation. “cause shooting was canceled today, but did we come here to surf or to watch your sickening sweet bantering flirtation?�

Oh, is he jealous? Already?

Laughing, Justin said, “You’re just jealous because you don’t have a girl to spend time with.�

“Oh yeah, I’m so jealous right now that I’m green.� Richard retorted, rolling his eyes. “No offense, Fionna.�

Of course he wasn’t jealous. I thought, adjusting my boobs in my top while wiggling my booty in an attempt to dislodge my wedgie. Fuck being cute. I thought, going ahead and picking it out—blushing as I made eye contact with Richard the very moment I’d gotten it out. Figures.

Pushing my tired lips into another grin, I decided since I already made a somewhat fool of myself, why not go for the gold?!

“I’m so totally stoked, dude! I can’t wait to catch some gnarly waves. That would be, like, so totally rad!� I cried, putting on my best Surfer Dude voice.

“Yeah, it’ll be frickin’ awesome, dude!� Janice jokingly chimed in. Until she spoke up, I’d nearly forgotten she was here. Although I don’t know how I did, since damn near every man at the beach had nearly tripped over themselves, killing themselves to get a glance at her or help her with…anything. Including my dear fake boyfriend, Justin and worst of all—my Richard.

She was the reason I was even wearing this damn bikini in the first place. I would have just worn a simple one-piece bathing suit. I would have been comfortable then, but nooo Janice wasn’t having that.

I had to be sexy, she’d said. I had to show some skin, she’d said. I had to stop hiding my ‘hot’ body from the world, she’d said.

Clearly she’s trying to sabotage me too.

“Sweet!� We cried in unison, clapping hands.

“Et tu, Janice?� Justin laughed, shaking his head at the two of us. “I guess my girl’s enthusiasm is contagious.� He added, coming up to me again. His damn arms again wrapping around my waist. His damn lips kissing my shoulder before resting his head on it.

“As herpes.� I muttered, resting my hands over his to keep from hitting him.

Chuckling, he seemed to think I was joking as he said, “Well, even the people who have herpes are still happy, skippin’ through meadows, bikin’ and shit. At least they are in the commercials.�

“Maybe that’s the key to happiness.� Richard said, grinning that beautifully perfect Colgate grin of his.

“What is? Herpes?� Janice asked, confused. That seemed to be her constant state lately, actually now that I think about it, it’s probably her most frequent state in general.

“Yeah, sure.� Richard shrugged with a lop-sided grin. “Hello, world, there's a song that we're singin'…c’mon get herpes!� He sang to the tune of The Partridge Family’s “C’mon, Get Happy.� “A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin’…we’ll give you herpes! Everybody sing.� He dorkily encouraged us with a smile.

And so we did. It was ‘c’mon get herpes’ all the way down the beach, until finally ending our song when we heard a bright-eyed two year old who’d been clapping along and giggling at our little song turn to who I could only guess was his mom and ask innocently, “What’s her-pies?�

Chapter 8: I Hope You Dance
“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.�
—Jane Austen

“Justin is my boyfriend. I like Justin. He is a good person. He is a great person. Justin is a sexy beast. Just the thought of him makes me…� I trailed off, my eyes failing from the paper Justin had written out for me to read over and over as if it was a mantra and by saying it would release a magic aura that would fill me up to the point of being borderline delusional. So that I would believe it, because apparently my acting skills aren’t up to par. But that crap? How in the hell am I supposed to seriously say that without wanting to pull a Houston and gouge my eye out.

This is ridiculous. Justin is ridiculous. Why in the hell did I agree to this?

It’s only been a week and our progress, if you can even call it that, is minimal at best. Everyday I get home the first thing I do is hype Justin to Janice. And the first thing she does is groan, roll her eyes and make up some reason about how she has to leave the house immediately. It’s like the roles have changed, she’s avoiding me. And dammit, if it doesn’t feel bad to come home and have your roommate flee at the sight of you in fear that you might do something horrible like talk to them.

I mean, I listened to all her man crap. Sorta. Kinda. I mean, I was in the room. I was there. My ears were open, so I must have heard something. True, my mind was more focused on an excuse I could use to exit the room. But still. This is clearly different. She’s the happy-go-lucky, glass is half full, giddy, girly one…she should enjoy these talks right? I’m the bitter, who gives a shit about the glass I’m thirsty, loner who naturally runs from emotional conversations like it’s the plague.

I’ve learned to sneak up her on though. So that’s something I guess. If this fake relationship teaches me nothing and helps me to get even farther into ‘nowhere’ then at least I can sleep easy at night knowing that my stalking skills have significantly improved. And who says I’m not a positive thinker.

Not a second after I thought this, the nay-sayer himself stormed into the room. Air reeking of tension and wanting to talk vibes permeated off of him. Well, I would love to stay and chat, but oh darn…it appears that it’s time to take Sadie on her walk.

Lounging on the couch of his trailer with Sadie’s fourteen pounds of white fur weighing and slowing down my escape, I had moved barely an arm in the direction of the door as I was about to sit up before Justin’s brooding form was hovering over me. He lifted the sleeping dog off of my stomach, replacing the weight with his own, as if there was no such thing as internal organs that might not find this situation appealing, and then he put Sadie on his stomach.

My first thought was to curse. Second was to curse while beating him over the head. The third, less fun one won out. Laughing, I said, “Oh, it’s okay. Don’t worry. I think breathing overrated. And my organs…they clearly had been getting a little spoiled what with my chest not being crushed in on them and all.�

Pushing up so he held his weight on his arms now, his mouth reluctantly gave up a smile as if it hadn’t planned on doing that until after it had sufficiently bitch my ears off. “Are you calling me fat?�

“Will it hurt your feelings if I am?�

His smile grew an inch to the right side. “Possibly.�

“Then, no.� I said, pushing my own lips into a smile as I robotically stated, “I would never say something like that because Justin is my boyfriend. I like Justin. He is a good person. He is a great person. Justin is a sexy beast. Just the thought of him makes me…� I trailed off, still unable to finish it.

“Makes you what?� He asked, the damn smile on his face shifting into a smirk.

“Makes me throw up in my mouth a little.� I grinned at his frown. “Just a little though.�

Sighing, he ignored what I’d said. “Since you can’t handle all my man-meat, can we switch positions then?�

I thought about responding to that. Thought about making a biting, sardonically wonderful comment. Thought about…ah, damn, fucking hell. I’ll be nice. I said, “Yeah, okay.�

“Really?� His voice lilted like he was fully expecting me to say ‘no, just get off me.’ You and me both, kid. You and me both.

“Yeah, whatever, just get off of me.� I wheezed, not comfortable in more ways than one.

He stood up, I moved away from the couch and watched as he laid down, where I’d been, before opening his arms to me. I just stared at him for awhile, my mind still on taking that walk, with or without the furry one.

“Just c’mere, woman.� He said, smiling at me as his fingers wiggled at me encouraging me to do as he said.

I continued to stare at his laid down form, wondering where I had gone wrong in life to have to become a Pop Star’s teddy bear. Seeing his mouth about to open, I decided to just shut him up and let myself fall into his arms, landing with a hard thud. I smiled at his groan of pain as I said, “Okay, whatever you say, man.�

I lay still for awhile, my head over his heart, focusing on the number of times his heart beat in a minute to distract myself from the tingling feeling I was getting from his wandering hands. One hand was playing idly with my short curly hair while his other one traced up and down the length of my arms.

Justin is my boyfriend. That’s why I haven’t killed him yet for all this touchy-feely bullshit.

I like Justin. Um, no, try again.

He is a good person. He is a great person. Whatever, just because I didn’t see him torturing helpless animals didn’t mean he was a ‘good’ or ‘great’ person. But I can roll with it.

Justin is a sexy beast. Just the thought of him makes me… His wandering hands became even more adventurous as they slid slowly from my arms to my back, resting momentarily on the small of my back, before easing down over the curve of my ass.

Smacking his death wish-having hands, I pushed myself up so that I was sitting on his chest. “So do you wanna talk about what happened that made you storm in here the way you did?�

“Not really.� He laughed softly, his chuckles stifled by my weight on his chest, but I wasn’t going to get up yet.

“Okay.� I nodded, not moving, perfectly comfortably being the one crushing organs.

“Alright, alright. I’ll tell you. Stop badgering me. But first, I kinda need you to get off of me.�

“Are you calling me fat?� I scoffed, holding my chest as if I was flabbergasted by the thought.

“Nah, baby,� He shook his head, an innocent smile in place. “I’m saying that I can’t breathe, that’s all.� He laughed again, soft and strained.

“So you are calling me fat.� I said, frowning as I stood.

“Girl, shut up. You got a body like Lisa Raye, why do you think I was willing to risk life and limb a minute ago to touch it?�

I rolled my eyes at him, fighting down the smile that wanted to curl my lips upward at his compliment. “Don’t think that this one little compliment is gonna make me not hurt you later on for that.�

He grinned at that, licking his lips slowly. “Why don’t you hurt me now? Hurt me so good, baby.�

Punching him in the arm several times, I said, “Cut the bullshit, stop being stupid and just tell me what’s wrong with you now. I think the bitch is getting restless. This is her walk time.�

He frowned and pulled me down on top of him in one swift, fluid motion. “First of all, don’t call me stupid. Second of all, her name is Sadie. Third of all…� He trailed off, his gaze not meeting mine anymore.

“Third of all?� I prompted.

Laughing, he said, “Sorry, I got sidetracked. Your ass is just like…�

“Justin?�

“Huh?�

“Shut the fuck up, please.�

“Well, since you asked so nicely.�

Sitting my head up so that it was resting on my chin on his chest, I said, “Talk. Now.�

“It’s Christina.�

“Who?�

“Aguilera. Who you think? Ricci. I think she has a thing for me.�

This is what he stormed in about? A girl has a crush on him—alert the media. We have breaking news. Rolling my eyes, I said, “Yeah, cause what girl wouldn’t.�

“Not a time for sarcasm.�

“Okay, Mr. Man, sorry, I spoke without permission.�

“Apology accepted.� He smiled.

“Fuku.� I said, in a horrible Chinese accent as I raised the happy finger.

“Maybe later, Sugar Pie.� He winked. “So I think she likes me. Like, likes me, likes me.�

I laughed. “Wow, two ‘likes you’ that’s some serious shit huh? And what grade are we in again?�

“Hey, I’m only one in this trailer who has graduated high school, remember?�

Any traces of happiness drained from my face at that moment. “Again, I say, Fuku.� I spat, punching him in the arm again.

“I heard you the first time. Now can we get back to me please?� He said, grinning at me. The fucker. “She keeps rubbing up against me and shit like a fucking cat or something. Saying things like ‘Do you want to have lunch with me?’�

“So, she’s a little touchy-feely. So are you. And so, she wants to eat lunch with you. That doesn’t mean the woman has secret desires to bone you in a broom closet or something.�

He was silent for a moment. “She told me she was hairless.�

My jaw dropped, didn’t expect that. “What?�

“She told me…� He repeated.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you.� I said, cutting him off. “It’s just a little…uh…�

“Shocking?�

“Yeah.�

“So, what are you going to do about this?�

I frowned. I thought I was already doing my plan of action on this matter: nothing. “What do you mean?�

“I’m your boyfriend.� He said, as if that explained everything.

“Fake,� I interjected. “My fake boyfriend.�

Continuing like I hadn’t said a word he said, “She’s obviously trying to push up on me. So…�

“So, handle it yourself.� I said, frowning at the thought of me riding in as the jealous girlfriend type ready to go to blows over her man. “You have two options, as far as I can see.�

“Which are?�

“Either tell her you’re already happily involved with me.� I laughed at that, couldn’t help it that shit was just funny to me. Us. Happily involved. Puh-lease. “Or fuck her. And so then when I kill you for grabbing my ass, everyone will think it’s because you cheated on me. So they’d let me off easy, calling it a crime of passion.�

He didn’t say anything for a long time, his face scrunched in thought, or gas not sure, as if he was weighing the pros and cons for the two options I’d laid out for him. When he finally spoke again, he said, “You like George Michaels?�

I frowned for a few seconds, before hearing the music playing softly in the background and remembering that I’d turned it on awhile ago. “Yeah, his song ‘Careless Whispers’ is a classic.� I said, laying my head back down flat against his chest. “And besides how great he sounds singing it, I heard he wrote it too. When he was sixteen or something crazy like that. I’m not sure, so don’t quote me on that.�

“Speaking of dancing…� He started, cutting me off. “There’s this party. A birthday party.�

“Hmmm. Who’s birthday?�

“It’s Paris Hilton’s.�

“Okay.� I said, not liking where this was going.

“So I was thinking that we should go.�

“And I’m thinking you’re insane.�

“She invited us.�

“No, she invited you. So you go.�

“I think Diddy’s throwing it.� He said, as if that was supposed to provoke an automatic yes out of me. “His parties are always the best. You’d…�

“No.� It was my turn to cut him off. “No.� I repeated, rising up just enough to see his face and notice he was going to say something else. “It’s one thing to be your fake girlfriend in front of Janice and Richard. It’s one thing to even get more practice in, by pretending in private too. But a celebrity birthday party, Justin? What would I look like at Paris Hilton’s party?�

Before he could answer, the door burst open and I jumped away from him without a thought.

Laughing, he said, “We’re dating, remember?�

I nodded, but still remained standing in the far corner of the room, arms folded against my chest.

The new face who’d barged in began blabbing about how they need Justin back on the set, causing Justin to notice him for the first time. I watched the relaxed happy look on Justin’s face twitch, tilt and get flipped upside down. That’s when the screaming starting. He yelled and yelled about how he’s told them over and over how much he hates when people don’t knock and just waltz in. His eyes were red and doing that bugged-out look that only happened at times like this and his voice was rising dangerously high to the point of squeaking.

Justin was still going off on the poor little man, when I noticed just over his shoulder, Carrie was passing by with a large smile gracing her mischievous face. She said, “I told you he was a little bitch. You owe me twenty now.� She cackled.

I started to laugh too, but Justin fixed me with a hardened stare that choked the laughter in my throat before it could get a chance to really come out.

We were both silent, listening as the other two walked away. Carrie still cackling.

“Looks like work calls.�

“Yeah.� He sighed. “But at least think about what I said, okay?�

It was my turn to sigh. “I already thought about it and the answer is still no.�

“But it’s gonna be fun.� He whined.

I shrugged, moving to look for Sadie’s leash. Finding it with her, dangling from her mouth, where she stood expectantly by the door, I took it and strapped it onto her. “Then take one of them models hanger-ons with you.� I said, straightening up again.

He pouted. “I’m tired of those kind of girls.�

“Yeah, so what now you want an ugly one on your arm?� I laughed.

He frowned, not seeming to find it as funny as I did. Tough crowd. “You’re not ugly. I don’t date the uglies…not even fake date.�

Waving him off, I could still feel the linger urge to smile resting on the corners of my lips but I continued to fight it off as I said, “Uh-huh. Okay, whatever. It’s still not happening.�

*^*^*

It was lunch time. We were already in Justin’s car en route to PF Chang’s, which meant we’d already had our daily argument about either taking separate cars or taking my car for once. Once again, Justin’s gas/too embarrassed to be seen in my car argument won.

“You could have brought Christina with you instead of me.� I said, turning my gaze from the LA stop-and-go traffic outside the window to look at his furrowed profile, clearly the traffic was frustrating him.

“Why?� He frowned, glancing at me. “We always have lunch together.�

“Yes, we do.� I nodded. “And you don’t see a problem with that?�

“You’re my girlfriend, why would I see a problem with that?�

“Stop saying that. Get it through your bucket head, I’m not your girlfriend. Fake girlfriend, yes. Nothing more.�

“But I thought you were my Sugar Pie.� He pouted, pretending to cry. Dear God at least I hope he was pretending. What the fuck I was supposed to do with a crying pop star anyways?

“So.� I rationally countered. “You’re…� I hesitated to put the possessive label on it. “…my Honey Bunch. Doesn’t mean I want to eat lunch with you every damn day, though.�

“If you didn’t eat with me, who would you eat with? Nobody.� He said, matter of factly, like he knew me. He didn’t know me.

He was just a lucky guesser. “And your point would be?� I frowned.

We were stopped a red light, so he turned fully to me. “You can’t live your whole life this anti-social.�

Raising my eyebrow, I asked, “Is that a dare?�

He sighed. I seemed to have that effect on him. The sighing, the diverted eyes, the head shaking and/or holding, which probably meant headaches. All my fault. My bad.

Good.

“Can we just have one meal together without the fighting? We’re supposed to be a young in love couple, not a grumpy old married one.�

I let a minute or two pass. Let him pull into PF’s parking lot and find a spot, before I caved. “Fine, I’ll play the role of lovesick fool who breathes in your every word as if it was the very air necessary for life. I’ll smile, laugh at your corny jokes, and pretend not to see the stupid things you do. The whole nine.�

He smiled, genuinely happy by my announcement. “Thank you.� He said, hopping out of his side and rushing over to mine to open it before I could do it myself.

He was still grinning at me as he held the door open and I walked out. “Whatever. Doesn’t mean I’ll enjoy doing it.�

His smile fell. “Of course not, Fi.� He sighed, shaking his head, his eyes diverted. “Cause that would require you to step outside the ‘I’m a bitch and don’t give a fuck about you’ zone you seem to love so much.�

My jaw clenched at the word ‘bitch,’ my eyes glazing over slightly as I heard my mother’s voice play in my head. “You think because you get a couple of A’s, some stupid awards at school and that makes you smart?! You are and always will be just another stupid little bitch. Just a stupid little bitch like Ch…�

She never got further than that. Even though she was angry she usually caught herself there. Stopped before the word could get much farther than the first or two letters. And if she couldn’t stop herself, then my father usually stepped in. One of the rare times he ever stood up for me, directly. He was the peacekeeper between the two of us. The one who after the words had been slung, the lines drawn, scurried back and forth to each side trying to make amends, smooth things back into unstable peace treaties.

I forced my jaw to relax. Took a deep cleansing breath.
Never let them see you cry. I’d learned that a long time ago.

Fuck, not letting them see you sweat. Sweat was fine. It’s the tears you had to worry about. Gave them more power and satisfaction than they deserved. Sucking in my second deep breath, I pushed the mute button in my head on my mother’s grating voice and I noticed Justin’s features had softened. Pity had replaced hostility.

I wanted to slap him. Just to make him angry again. Just to get that damn pitiful look out of his eyes where it concerned me.

I don’t need his damn pity. I don’t need him or this.

But I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything. I just let those feelings flow into my eyes, where he could see it clear as day. Let him feel that heat for a while as I stood tall to my full six foot, back straight and stiff as a board, before I turned on my heel and entered the building wordlessly.

*^*^*

When he finally joined me inside, he was giving off strong ‘I want to apologize’ vibes. I ignored him until we got a table. Was planning on ignoring him for the rest of the day, until he softly kicked me under the table.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.�

I shrugged off his words, not wanting to give the situation anymore power than it already had. I pushed it under the table and kicked him back. When his eyes met mine I said, “If I was walking around with those ears, I’d probably be snappy too.�

He smiled. A slow one. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it without a word being spoken. I watched as he reached for my hand. I let him take it. Let his fingers glide over mine, rubbing the back of my hand, relaxing the leftover tension away, before entwining our fingers into one hand.

I’d been so busy watching him play with my hand that I didn’t even notice when Charlene had rolled up on our table. “Well, lookie here…why if it isn’t the same two people I’ve been seeing day in and day out, sitting in my station. Again.� She grinned, revealing a row of perfect white teeth. Her hair was cut as short as Eve’s was when she first came out as a Ruff Ryder, it was even dyed blonde. Well, that’s what it looked like today.

Yesterday it was long and flowing down her back, sleek and black. Tomorrow it could be barely brushing her shoulders and curly and wild like mine. Her frame was slender with just the right amount of curves and she used what she had to get the extra tip. Never going as far as to fully step into a realm of skank-a-licious, just a foot in the door.

“So what can I get you today, sir?� She asked, pointedly, staring at Justin.

She always did that. Talked to him as if he wasn’t sitting with someone else. As if I didn’t exist. I’d always boiled it down to this just being part of her ‘get a big tip’ act and let her near dismissal of my presence roll off my back. But this day…

I just wasn’t up for the bullshit. “I want a Sprite. Thanks for asking.� I said, pushing my lips up into a curt smile at her. She blinked, moving her eyes slowly from Justin, who was smiling softly now, to me.

“Alright.� She nodded, her lips mirroring mine and reflecting the same curt smile. “And you, sir?�

“It’s Justin.� He grinned. “And I’ll just have water.�

She smiled at him for a moment too long and the next thing I knew I said, “The man you’re eye fucking right now. He’s my boyfriend.�

I felt two sets of eyes on me when I said that but I ignored the one that didn’t belong to her. She said, “Oh, y’all are dating now?�

Justin spoke up, because I couldn’t. I was too embarrassed that I had actually stepped into the jealous girlfriend role for a moment. “Yeah.� He smiled, I grimaced.

“Oh okay.� Charlene said, the news not really seeming like news to her. Her smile never fell even so much as a fraction of an inch as she stared at us for a while, before nodding her head. “Alright then, let me just get y’alls drinks.�

As soon as she’d strolled away, I sighed. “Don’t say a word.�

He just leaned back into his seat and grinned like a Cheshire cat.

“That was just part of the act. We’ve come in for a week as a couple and for a week she keeps doing the sir, this and sir, that…� I said, mimicking her flirtatious voice and movements. “…crap. As your fake girlfriend I just couldn’t take that shit anymore.�

He just nodded, still grinning at me.

Frowning, I said, “Shut up!� Tossed my napkin at his head and we laughed, until he started moving toward our table. Well, technically Justin was still laughing, maybe even saying something too, but I wasn’t listening. My attention focused on the reason I didn’t like coming here.

“What’s wrong?� He said, his laughter dead too, as he frowned at my frown.

Mr. Wrong was standing at our table before I could even open my mouth to start to respond.

“I thought you said were a lesbian.� He said, his tone harsh and angry. His face wrapped into a mask of a smile.

“No, I said, if I dated you…then I’ll probably become one.� I said, my voice low and flat.

The silence that fell in between us was loud, thick and suffocating. Justin cleared his throat, doing what he did best: getting attention. “Hi,� He grinned up at the scowling Martin. “I’m Justin. Fionna’s boyfriend.�

And that’s when I realized Justin had stepped into the jealous boyfriend role. Just great. Just fucking great. They were having a stare down. Testing who had more testosterone clouding his better judgment.

“Martin.� Martin said, simply, extending his hand to Justin. They shook hands strong and stiff.

“Okay, should we have the arm wrestling contest now or later?�

Both men frowned at me, before turning back to each other.

“So how long have you two been dating?� Martin asked, taking a seat next to me.

“Oh, yeah, Martin. Sure you can sit here. I don’t mind.� I smiled at his glare.

“Awhile.� Justin answered, curtly. “How do you know my girlfriend?�

“We have…� he grinned, licking his lips and glancing at me. “History.�

My hands fisted under the table at the thought of our ‘history.’

Martin was one of the first people I’d met when I had arrived at the city of Lost Angels. He seemed so nice then. So helpful. So understanding.

I was wandering around lost, damn near tears, cursing myself for ever thinking that I could make it on my own in the city and that’s when he found me. Sitting on the stairs of a random building, my head in my hands, wondering if it was too late to go back home with my tail between my legs. I don’t remember what he said, or what he’d done to get me to trust him enough to go home with him. I remember being in his apartment. Drinking. He kept wanting me to drink. Then darkness.

I woke up the next morning sore and naked.

I’d never hated someone so quick in my life before. I didn’t even know his name then. He was still snoring peacefully when I’d woken up, I cursed him, cursed my own stupidity softly. After gathering what little had with me, I went back to stand over him. I wanted to strangle him. Hurt him like he hurt me. And I was going to…

I didn’t know what I was going to do exactly, but I was making moves to do it when the phone rang. Piercing the silence and nearly making me jump out of my skin at the sudden sound of it. He just smacked his lips and rolled onto his side. The call went to voice mail. His mom checking on him.

I bit my lip, eyes focused on the view outside his window. Cars choking the streets. Women with more plastic than Barbie on the bodies strutting the streets. Men…

Fuck them.

I swiped at the tears that had escaped, grabbed up my things and moved to the door, showing great restraint and only breaking and 'borrowing' a few of his things as I made my way out.

I thought I’d never see him again. Or at least that's what I’d been hoping. A year later, I’d been working at Jill’s Heel for only a few months then and PF Chang’s had become my home away from home (and home at that time had been my rinky dink car). I was on my way out, walking backwards talking to Charlene probably, laughing at something she said and that’s when we ran into each other. Literally.

I was just about to apologize for running into him, when I realized who he was. He stared at me like I was just another person. Like I was just any ol’ body and we’d never met before. My hands fisted, itching to punch him in his smiling face. Pissed off that something I’d never forget for the rest of my life, was just a small blip in his, unworthy of being remembered.

When he started to apologize his hands still on me, that’s when I saw the recognition hit his eyes. He did remember. But the smile remained. My hands balled tighter, my anger rising to near rage at his indifference. It took a few deep breaths, for me to regain control.

I pushed a smile onto my face and said low so only he could hear, “Don’t ever let me catch you in dark alley alone.�

He continued to grin down at me, with his 6’5� lanky basketball player build. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you even sexier now pissed off and fully clothed than you did vulnerable and naked.�

I hauled off and punched him. Hearing the crack of bones, hoping he’d broken his nose.

At least in my head I had punched him, in reality, I just spit in his face and shoved past him. From that day on, damn near every day he was at PF, posted up against some wall. Watching me.

“Really?� Justin nodded. “So y’all were friends or something?�

“Or something.� Martin smiled.

Charlene came back with our drinks, saw Martin and her expression instantly hardened into a frown. “I heard on the news that the zoo was missing a baboon. And here you are!� She smiled at his frown. “Well,� She said, her voice and stare losing its previous cheeriness as she let a gruff tone take over.

Martin continued to scowl at her for a moment longer before turning his attention to me. He flashed a grin my way, winked and said, “It was nice seeing you again, Fionna.�

We were all silent until the door closed behind him. His heavy cologne still lingering. I’m surprised I didn’t smell him long before I ever saw him coming.

“Sorry about that Fionna.� Charlene sighed. “If he gave us one good reason to kick his ass out we…�

“I know.� I nodded. “I know.�

“So who was that guy?� Justin asked, his eyes bouncing between Char’s face and mine curiously.

When I didn’t say anything, Charlene spoke up, her tone light and fluffy again. “A waste of time and space.� She said, simply. “So what can I get you, sir?� She grinned at Justin.

I listened to her flirt with Justin, glad for the distraction.

*^*^*

“Uh-huh. Okay, whatever. It’s still not happening.�

I had said those words, right? That was me and not my clone in some parallel universe, right?

Well if you couldn’t guess it, Justin got what he wanted. Surprised? Yeah, I just bet you are. I know when overprivileged teenie pop royalty gets his way, it always shocks the hell out of me.

The only reason I gave in to going to this party was that giving him wanted kept him from bugging me to explain Martin. Lord, knows I didn’t want to do that more than I didn’t want to go the party. So I gave in, redirected the conversation to how in order for me to go I was going to need to get some new clothes. In other words he was going to have to get me some new clothes.

Normally, I wouldn’t accept any gifts from him, but this was different. If I was going to be forced to go to Paris friggin’ Hilton’s birthday bash playing the role of Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, naturally I had to look the part. And that’s where Justin’s bank account came in. Cause mine would keel over and die at the sight of these triple figure digits for a damn dress I was only going to wear once.

Yes, a damn dress. Justin is making me wear a stupid dress. Are you seeing a common theme here of me not wanting to do things and then Justin forcing me to do them anyways?

This shopping spree for a dress had been on going for hours, or at least that’s what it felt like. I’d tried on dress after ridiculously expensive dress, all of which I hated. All of which Justin said I looked 'good' in. But I knew he was just saying that. There was probably some game on TV that he was wanting to rush back to see.

I was currently locked in a dressing room, frowning at myself in the mirror, feeling more and more like the ugly duckling with every dress. But this was the last one, Justin had promised me that. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to go out so he could see. Hating this doll-like role I was playing at the moment, while Justin got to play dress up with me, I stepped out for his inspection. He was reading a magazine and didn’t notice me immediately. So I cleared my throat. Loudly.

He looked up. He stared and said nothing.

Silence. Long. Awkward silence, that made me shift from foot to foot.

Damn, did I look that bad?! I turned back to the mirror, still standing outside the dressing room. I thought this one was okay. It was long and flowing, swept over my feet. Had a corseted tight fitting halter top that was glittery gold, it wasn’t made breathing-friendly, but I dunno…I kind of liked it.

Turning back to him, I frowned and sighed. “Guess that’s a ‘no.’� I muttered, heading back into the changing room.

“No, no, no…� He jumped up as if he’d been shocked back to life. “It’s perfect.� He smiled, his gaze only meeting mine momentarily before it began to wander my body again.

I watched him watching me for a while. Feeling good for a moment about the way he was admiring me, I couldn’t remember the last time a man had stared at me like that and it didn’t make me want to punch him.

A small breeze brushed my exposed skin reminding me that the dress was sleeveless and dipped low in the back and even lower in the front.

“Thanks perv, glad you like this. Cause I ain’t trying on another dress.�

“I hope you can dance.� He said, a moment later from just outside the dressing room door. “You can dance in heels, right? Cause it would be a damn shame to escort the finest looking woman to the party only find out she can’t dance in heels or she can’t dance at all.�

Dressed in my regular jeans and t-shirt outfit, I walked out of the changing room with the dress in hand. “I don’t dance.�

“Oh, you will.� He smiled, taking the dress from me. “You will.�

“Will…not.� I corrected him. “You mean, will not.�

He just smiled wider and walked away.

“I don’t like that look on yo’ face, boy!� I said, chasing after him.

Chapter 9: Carpet Swimming
“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.�
–-George Bernard

“Where’s Justin?� Janice asked, looking annoyingly flawless as usual, without hardly trying.

Just dressed in a simple black dress that looked like Audrey Hepburn’s dress from Breakfast At Tiffany’s, which had a slit that hit just above her knees and some diamonds strung around her elegant neck, she looked like Miss America waiting to be crowned.

All three of us were sitting in Justin’s entertainment room, where we’d been waiting for his primadonna ass to hurry up and finish getting ready.

“Same place he always is.� I muttered back, already not in the best of moods because of way corseted fit of dress.

“Lemme take guess.� Richard said. “Standing in front of the mirror?�

“Of course.� I sighed with a roll of my eyes. “Where else would the conceited one be?�

“I’m not conceited,� Justin said, finally stepping out of the bathroom dressed in a slightly opened popped collar black shirt and jeans. He did look good, but I’d been waiting for going on a hour and that just didn’t look like it should have taken that long to put together. “I’m just…�

“In love with yourself.�

Smiling warmly, he walked over to me and draped his arm over my shoulder pulling me close to his side. “Well that makes two of us, I guess.� He said, giving me one long lingering kiss followed by two quick ones. “You look…incredible.� He said, taking me by the hand and forcing me to spin around in front of him as he made admiring noises.

I was about to roll my eyes and redirect the conversation away from me, when Richard chimed in. “Yeah, you do look delicious in that dress. I might have to fight Justin for you before the night is over.�

“Bring it on, bitch.� Justin said, cracking his neck and raising his dukes as he bounced around on his toes.

“C’mon, champ.� I laughed, taking Justin’s hand in mine. “And stop making me laugh before you mess around get me killed because this dress is only giving me two options: breath or laugh.�

“Okay, I’m too flyy to fighting right now anyways.� Justin said, still holding my hand as he strutted out the door George Jefferson style.

“So you are trying to kill me.� I wheezed out a laugh.

*^*^*

When we were all seated, Justin and I facing Richard and Janice, in the stretch limo Justin had insisted on using after finding out that I’d never been in one, I asked, "I'm not going to have to walk on the red carpet with you or anything? I mean, it's just a birthday party...so it's not going to be a lot of hoopla, right?"

"Hoopla?" He laughed. "No more than usual. But red carpet? Of course. Paris wouldn’t have it any other way. And where there are celebs there are the parasites looking to leech on for their next meal ticket via some ridiculous picture."

“Spoken like a true cynic.� I laughed, kissing him briefly. “I love it when you talk like that. Turns me on. Tell me more, big daddy.� I purred, running my hands up and down his chest.

“When Bush was re-elected, I knew we were going to be in trouble, I just wasn’t creative enough to imagine all the new ways he’d fuck the country over.�

“Mmmm.� I purred again, climbing into his lap.

“And the democrats have this let just the republicans fuck up thing going on, hoping that it’ll help them in the next election because they don’t have to the balls to take it any other way. So chances are they’re gonna get their asses served to them again and the whole country will go straight to hell in a nice little conservative handbasket.�

“Oohh, yeah. Oooh, baby.� I moaned, eyes closed.

“Y’all are…� Richard started, with a crooked grin and shake of his head. “Wow, just wow.�

We all laughed at that for awhile. I had started to move back to my original position by the window, when Justin decided to wrap his arms around me, holding me in place on his lap. “Don’t hate me, cause you ain’t me.� Justin said to Richard.

Richard just rolled his eyes with a small laugh that left me wondering what he was really thinking.

“I think y’all are cute together.� Janice chimed in with a smile. “You’re just like puppies together.�

“Puppies?� I frowned. I’d been called a lot of things in my life, but a puppy was never one of them. “Is that your way of calling us lil’ bitches?�

Richard and Justin laughed, Janice didn’t.

“No, silly.� She said, shaking her blonde head. “Puppies are just always all over each other. That’s what I meant.�

“Yeah, I can see it now.� Richard said, nodding in agreement, watching Justin and I with his head tilted to the side like we were a slanted picture. “Y’all are cute puppies.� He grinned.

Now I was offended. I don’t know if it was meant to offend, but if it was—congratulations, mission accomplished. It coming from Janice was one thing, but Richard? My Richard?

I sighed loudly. Puppies weren’t desirable, at least not in more than a scratch behind the ears kind of way. And if he did like them more than that, then we might as well call this deal off right now because I don’t foresee me growing another pair of legs and floppy ears anytime soon.

The limo was silent for all of four seconds, before Janice did what she did best: get excited and announce it to the world.

"Well, I don’t know about y’all but I'm so excited!" Janice said, her voice bursting with energy as she smiled brightly. "I can't wait to walk on the red carpet. I've always wanted to do that, so I'm gonna work it." She giggled with a snap of her perfectly manicure fingers.

"I bet you will." I muttered, leaning toward the window and staring out of it boredly. I hated when she did that. Got all hyper bubbly, giggling and shit—guys loved that.

Richard, who was cheesing right along with her, probably liked girls like her. The gigglers.

I don't giggle.

Justin nudged me in the side, until I turned back toward him.

Frowning, I said, "What do you want?"

"You," He said, pulling his mouth into a grin with his fingers. "To smile."

He's such a weirdo sometimes, but I obliged anyways. Pushing my lips up as far as they would go so that my eyes were so squinty that they might as well have been closed, I said, "Happy now?"

He smiled, shaking his head as he pulled me over to him, forcing the gap I'd previously created to be closed. Kissing me on my left temple, he whispered, "You can be fierce too, y'know."

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes, tempted to slink back over to the window again. "Unless you're Tyra Banks, or one of those crazy fashion police on E! 'fierce' should be eliminated from your vocabulary." I said, trying not to notice the fact that Janice and Richard were looking annoyingly adorable laughing together about whatever it was that they were talking about. Taking his hand, I traced the lines on it with my index finger, as a distraction.

He just laughed and nodded, sinking back into the seat and pulling me more against his chest.

Neither of us said anything for a while, both of us just sat dumbly watching as the two people we wanted started to realize that maybe they wanted each other.

"I knew this was a dumb idea." I grumbled.

When he didn't immediately interject with his usual optimistic rebuttal, I looked up at him from where I was leaning against his chest.

Sighing, he nodded. "So I've heard."
*^*^*

“Are you excited?� Justin asked, as soon as we were out of the limo.

There was a red carpet just like he’d said there be and I’d already sat in the car, watching celebrities like Donald Trump, Marc Bower, Steve-O and some other random designers that I’d never heard of walk the red carpet. Richard and Janice were already inside, but they didn’t have to face the red carpet, much to Janice’s disappointment. I would have easily switched positions with her and just walked in the back way too. But unfortunately I was escorting the celebrity so I had to the limelight route in front of the screaming psychos (aka paparazzi).

“More like scared shitless.�

Laughing, he said, “Well, don’t be.�

I rolled my eyes. “Easy said.�

“Easy done.� He said, pushing me forward now. “These people…are just people. Nothing to be afraid of.�

“Yeah,� I scoffed. “Just people who see more money in an hour than I’d see in a month. Just people who can get a haircut and that’s breaking news. Just people who…�

“Okay,� he laughed, cutting in. “So they aren’t regular Joes, but they won’t bite.�

“Because that would be breaking their low carb, low calorie, what’s-the-point-in-eating-anymore diets.�

“In that case,� he chuckled. “Sometimes they will bite. They just won’t swallow.�

“And I bet you know that from personal experience, right?� I laughed, shaking my head.

“And what if I did?� He said, coming up behind me now. Wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him, he said, “Would you be jealous?�

“Insanely.� I said dryly. “Just the thought of it makes me wanna punch something.� I added, hitting him in the chest.

Doubling over, he groaned, “Oww, shit. Why’d you do that?�

“I told you I wanted to punch something.� I shrugged with a small smile. “You were just lucky enough to be the closest.�

“Lucky huh? Well…�

Cutting him off, I said, “Well, anyways, can we go inside already? I dunno about you, but I’m ready to get snubbed.� I said, taking his hand, linking our fingers and dragging him toward the entrance.

But being Justin, he couldn’t just do what I said.

“Before we go in, I need you to take a deep breath and relax.�

"I didn't even go to prom, so this..." I gestured toward the dwindling people on the red carpet, the paparazzi screaming and shoving and the flashing bulbs when I thought I saw Prince and did a double-take. "Oh my goodness, was that Prince?!� I screeched, trying to contain my giddiness, but damn, it was Prince!

Laughing, Justin turned in the direction I’d been looking. “I dunno. I must have missed him.�

“Yeah, he just slipped in, he was moving kinda fast. Oh my goodness, I just saw Prince.� I laughed, shaking my head. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. So this is just kind of a big deal to me."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I mean, I realize you go to these things all the time, but for us regular folks the only time we get to walk on a red carpet is when we spill red Kool-Aid on the carpet."

He shook his head as he chuckled. "I meant, are you serious that you didn't go to prom."

"Yeah, I'm serious." I shrugged, wondering why this was so shocking to him. I bet he didn't go to his prom either. But then again, I'm sure he didn't go because he was overseas singing and dancing for German teenieboppers. Which is just slightly better than what I did instead: sit on my ass on the couch, eating chocolate and watching 'When Harry Met Sally' until my brother barged in and kicked me out the family room.

I frowned when I realized he was still staring at me with that 'aww poor Fionna' look in his eyes. "It's not a big deal, life goes on." I shrugged. "Can we go in?"

Unfortunately, he was still too busy staring at me to move. Damn, was it that pathetic that I didn't go?

Shit, if I had of known he'd act like this I would have just gone ahead and lied about it. See, what happens when you tell the truth?

"Why didn't you go?" He asked, leaning against a wall of the building we’d yet to enter looking pretty damn comfortable.

Shifting my weight from foot to foot, I sighed. Comfort and me weren't getting along right now. "Why didn't you go to yours?" I asked back instead, crossing my arms against my chest.

He smiled, like he expected me to say that. And so what if he did, didn't mean that he knew me. He didn't know anything about me.

"You're being defensive." He said.

"Only because you're being annoying."

His smile grew a fraction of an inch. Fuck, I need to stop being so predictable. I'm making this too easy for him.

I chewed my bottom lip for a minute before releasing it with a sigh. "You wanna know why I didn't go?" I asked, stabbing him with my index finger on every other word.

He nodded and I cursed him inwardly.

Walking away from him a few steps before turning back to face him abruptly I sighed again. "Okay, you wanna know why. Fine, here's why." I said, before pausing a moment, my eyes falling to my pump covered feet. "I was going to go. But then..."

"Then what?"

"I decided I was too cool for that high school bullshit."

Laughing, he said, "So in other words, you couldn't find a date."

I definitely didn't like how confidently he said that, like that could be the only reason. "For your information, I did have a date."

"One you weren't related to?"

Punching him in his arm, I rolled my eyes. "Jackass."

"So is that a yes?" He chuckled, rubbing the spot on his arm that I hit. Growing up the only girl in a family of three boys, I'd learned to punch, fast and hard.

"Of course, that's a yes. He was one of those dumb jock boys. I don't know, he asked me to go. I had planned on not going..."

"But then when he asked you, you were so caught up in your 'She's All That' moment that you said yes anyways."

Punching him in the same spot on his arm, I said, "Who's telling this story? You or me?"

He frowned now, rubbing his arm again. I knew it had to hurt that time, which made me smile. "That's what I thought. Anyways, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. So the dumb jock asked me out." I said, watching his mouth open and close without a word coming out. I smiled and said, "Do you have a question?"

"No."

"Are you afraid of lil' ol' me?"

"Lil' is hardly a word that can ever be used to describe you." He laughed. That is, until I slugged him in that same spot on his arm again. "I mean, in the sense that you're tall. Damn." He frowned.

"Anyways," I said, rolling my eyes. "So he asked me. His name was Justin. Dumb name, I know. So he asked me, I said yes...why, I don't know. I bought an expensive dress...let my mom doll me all up. And then..."

"He got hit by a bus and couldn't go with you."

"No, even better. And stop interrupting me." I said, raising my fist without touching him this time. Seeing him flinch was as good as hitting him. Almost. "An hour after the prom had already started, an hour after my dad had given me his it's okay to be a loser speech, an hour after my brothers had finished taking turns making fun of me and making sure to let me know that it's really not okay to be a loser, he called me. Drunk, mind you. To tell me that he was already there and the day before he'd decided that he'd rather just go alone."

"That's it?"

I wanted to hit him, but I resisted. "He said he would rather go by himself, then be seen with me."

"He didn't say that." Justin frowned, like he knew this other Justin personally. "Did he?"

"No, actually his exact words were ‘I’m so sorry, but I think caught the flu’ to which he added a few weak ass coughs, even though I could hear the voices and music bumping in the background."

"Well, you said he was a dumb jock."

"Actually, he was one of those annoyingly brilliant brainiacs..."

"So he was a stupid nerd." Justin shrugged off.

"If you would stop interrupting me, I would have said, he's one of those annoyingly brilliant brainiacs who was also the QB and class president."

He looked genuinely stumped then. "So why did he ask you in the first place?"

I just stared at him for a long time, wondering if that was a serious question. Why did he ask me? Why did he ask me?--like I was so far beneath him that he should have hardly noticed me, let alone considering me date-worthy.

So what if he was smart, popular and sorta attractive...if you liked the tall dark and ruggedly handsome type. So what if he had just broken up with his head of the cheer-freak happy go lucky bimbo squad of a girlfriend. So what if he asked me to go with him, only to infuriate said cheer-freak. So what if I was very possibly (very realistically) just a tactic in his scheme for revenge against the cheer-freak who'd broken his heart just days before.

So the fuck what.

Annoyed that I didn't have a good comeback to that, I just shook my head, grumbling to myself about how much I hated Justins as I walked away as fast as I could in three inch heels, which my six foot body was teetering precariously on.

"I didn't mean it like that, Fi." He said, catching up to my hurried steps. I didn't really know where I was going, I just knew that I needed to go. "Of course, he would ask you."

"Yeah, of course." I laughed bitterly, my voice cracking slightly as I choked back tears.

"Hey, I called you Fi and you didn't punch me." He joked with a smile, his hand lingering close to mine like he was considering taking it in his--but knew better.

He was joking and I was trying to decide how much I wanted this deal to work, so then I could decide if punching him again would be okay.

Spying some of the stalkerazzi, noticing the fact that Justin had yet to enter the building, I decided that starting a fight with Justin at this very moment probably wasn't for the best. All in good time though, I suppose.

Forcing a smile on my face, I said, "We should probably go in, before Richard and Janice start worrying over where we are."

"Well, we are supposed to be a couple, so we could be...� He trailed off with a smile. “Tied up, right now."

While he was wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, I rolled my eyes and just walked away.

*^*^*

And that's when I realized I had really royally fucked up. Normally, when I say things like that, she'd have some kind of sarcastic ball-busting comment. But silence?

That's dangerous.

So I let her go her way and went my own, deciding that I'd catch up with her later.

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs

When I came out tonight, I didn't think I would be taking any tests. But I suppose that even though I'm not in school anymore, pop quizzes aren't completely out of the question.

And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die

So here's my test.

My ex is a few yards away, smiling and grinding with another guy who looks strangely familiar yet he's not the backstabbing prick (commonly known as Wade) and I thought I was over her. Over it, whatever it was that we had when we were together. Cheating time after time after motherfucking time should have permanently washed away any potential for leftover residual feelings for her that I might have felt if we hadn't ended it the way we had.

I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next guy

But the problem is your heart doesn't understand the world the same way your head does.

My head understands once a cheater, always a cheater and I don't need her, but what I do need is to move on, which I thought I've been doing pretty successfully. Where the problem comes in is when my heart looks at the situation and sees her for what she used to be, could still be if it hadn't been for Wade and this new nameless gyrating son of a bitch.

'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-boy

And that's when the jealousy kicks in.

But I should have thought of that before we kissed...

Britney was still dancing with the new guy, I'm sure she hadn't noticed me yet and I wanted to keep it that way. So tell me why instead of walking in the opposite direction in search of Janice, or Fionna, or anyone else, did my feet lead me straight to her? She shouldn't have this kind of power over me, but I feel like punching this wife beater, trucker hat wearing dude in his goofy ass face. But I'm not supposed to care and I'm not supposed to be standing here, just a few feet away from her, pretending like I didn't know she was there all the while hoping that she noticed me.

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-boyfriend

Realizing that I must look like a total idiot just standing out in the middle of the dance floor, I forced myself to head over to the bar, figuring sooner or later she'd come this way.

"You're such a dork, you know that?"

Turning around, I tried to frown but my lips only gave up a grin instead. "I heard dork was in this season."

She laughed her little nose wrinkling laugh, before moving up to stand fully beside me. She smelled like lavender, just like she always did. Just being this close to her brought back memories that made me want to do things that weren't appropriate for the time or the place.

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-boyfriend

"Why didn't you just come over and say hello?"

"I didn't know you were here." I shrugged, before moving forward to lean against the bar.

"You always were a horrible liar." She smirked, leaning her back against the bar.

"Who's the new guy?" I said, nodding over to the guy who was either trying to break dance or was having some kind of seizure.

She sighed and didn't say anything for a moment or two. "A dancer. I think he worked with you on your 'Like I Love You' video."

I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them

I knew he looked familiar. "So Wade's been demoted?"

"I never was really into him. He was just..." She shrugged. "Just someone to pass the time with for awhile. A fling."

I turned away from her before she could make eye contact and tell me what little I had meant to her too.

I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-boyfriend

"You know, Justin I've been thinking..." She started, pausing to lick her lips, her hands navigating through the near darkness of the room to trace the tops of my pants. "I've been thinking about us. And..."

Guess I should have thought of that before we kissed

“This place is huge, it’s like you need friggin’ GPS to figure out how to get from back to the front.� Fionna laughed, appearing out of nowhere and instantly sliding in between Britney and I. Without acknowledging Britney’s presence, she’d definitely managed to put up strict ‘he’s mine back off bitch’ boundaries to which Britney simply rolled her eyes at, flipped back her blonde dyed hair and sauntered off probably in search of her hillbilly break dancing date. And I’ve got to say, I was a little…relieved.

�I leave you alone for two seconds and look at you.� She said, shaking her head as her lips curled up in disgust. “The little slut magnet.�

“Do you know who that was?�

“Does she know who I am?�

“No.�

“Then that makes us even.� She shrugged.

I just laughed at that, before pulling her into a quick tight hug. She smelled like cheap soap, but I liked it. “Thanks.�

In reply, she pulled back her arm and slugged me in the arm. Hard.

"What's that for?" I frowned.

"You're lucky that's all I'm going to do.� She said, before linking arms with the arm she’d just abused. “Now be useful and introduce me to somebody."

“Okay let’s go find the birthday girl.�

“Birthday girl? Whoa, whoa…you mean Paris?�

Laughing at her shock, I nodded, “Yeah.�

“As in Paris ‘that’s hot’ Hilton?�

“Uh-duh.�

“You can’t just spring her on me.� She said, looking more flustered than I’ve ever seen her before. I’d expected her to be calm bored…you know, like she always is. Who knew she could be normal and get starstuck, even over someone like Paris Hilton.

“We need to work up to her. Start off with something slow and easy. Isn’t Todd Bridges around here somewhere?� She asked, looking around the room as if she was actually going to spot him in the crowd.

Laughing, I said, “You’re so wrong for that. Todd is cool people. But no, he’s not here.�

“Okay,� She said taking a deep breath. “But how do I look?�

Frowning, I said, “You’re a fan of Paris?�

Starting to look more like the Fionna I was used to, she frowned. “No. I mean, I watched ‘Simple Life’ occasionally but that’s about it. I’ve just never met anyone famous before.�

Scoffing, I pointed to myself.

She just rolled her eyes and said, “You don’t count.�

“Thanks.� I sighed. “You know you met Britney Spears a few minutes ago.�

Her forehead rippled in confusion. “Who?�

“Britney Spears.� I repeated and when she still looked confused I added, “Hit me baby one time.�

Frowning, she said, “And what does she do? Promote domestic abuse?�

“She’s a singer. Pop star.�

“Oh,� she shrugged, sounding extremely unimpressed. “Well if she’s not Mariah Carey then she can’t be that great.�

“You seriously don’t know who she is?�

“I know.� She said, rolling her eyes. “I was just messing with you. I knew it was her then too.�

“So why are you so hyped about Paris?�

“I’m not hyped. And technically I never met Britney. So this is my first real celebrity encounter and as lame as it sounds…it’s cool.�

Again, I pointed to myself.

And again she rolled her eyes and said, “You don’t count.�

“Fine. Let’s go find her so you can get your first real celebrity encounter under your belt.� I said, pulling her along behind me as I weaved through the crowd to the VIP section, where I would have been anyway if it weren’t for Fionna’s insistence that she would rather not go up there because she’d had her fill of snobs in high school, which really makes me wonder why she came to L.A. in the first place then.

Finding Paris was looking all sparkling in her blue slinky dress and tiara in the midst of a large group of people who were laughing at something she’d just said, I weaved my way straight to her. “Hey, good looking.� I said, moving in for a hug, making sure not to squeeze tightly because I always afraid she might break on me or something.

“Hey you!� She giggled, her long skinny arms around wrapping around me. “You look hot.�

“I try, I try.� I grinned, popping my own collar and could just feel Fionna rolling her eyes at all of this. “A little birdie told me it was your birthday today. So happy birthday, girl. How’s life been treating you lately?�

“Fabulous.� She giggled again, flipping back her long blonde locks. “So who’s the girl you’re hiding behind your back? She better not be my present because you know I don’t swing that way.�

Chuckling, I shook my head. “No, no, this my girlfriend, Fionna.� I said, surprised at how natural that sounded as I pushed Fionna forward, even though she was acting like she was chained to her spot.

“Your girlfriend, huh?� Paris said, eyeing Fionna carefully without a hint of a smile. “Well you did good girl. And damn, if I had of known I was going to have some strong competition, I would have thought a little more about my outfit.� She laughed, smiling, her eyes twinkling like the diamonds around her neck.

*^*^*

When I got over my initial shock that Paris could say more than ‘that’s hot’ and was actually saying something as wild as that I was giving her a run for her hotel-rich papa’s money, all I could think to say was, “Wow, you’re even skinner in person.�

“Well…� She trailed off with a frown as if she wasn’t sure whether that was supposed to be a compliment or not.

And it wasn’t. A compliment, that is.

But at the same time it wasn’t supposed to be an insult either. “I mean, I-I didn’t mean it in the sense that you’re not eating enough. I heard the eating disorder rumors, but I didn’t believe it. I just figured some bitc—I mean, some women are just naturally stick thin. Not to say that a burger would kill ya but…�

Her frown had deepened by this point and my flustered lips couldn’t find enough words that could pull me out of this hole so instead I just stopped. Stopped talking, shut my damn mouth and smiled, until she rolled her eyes and strode away.

“Smooth.� Justin said, laughing as he shook his head. “Real smooth.�

“Shut up.� I frowned at him. “It’s your damn fault that happened in the first place.�

“My fault? Did I tell you to tell the woman she has an eating disorder on her birthday?� He said, rolling his eyes with a half smile. “No, that was all you. You and the brilliance of your social skills.�

“I hate you.�

“Good thing,� he said, casually putting his arm over my shoulder. “Today’s opposite day then.�

“Opposite day? Are you serious?� I laughed, shaking my head at him. “Lawd, hangin’ around you is like being in second grade all over again.�

“Oh, yeah?� He grinned softly. “Well, I’m rubber you’re glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.�

“Before I lose anymore brain cells from this conversation. Let’s go find the ones we’re supposed to be making jealous enough to date our retarded asses.�
*^*^*

After I’d st-stuttered out several attempts to get Janice to understand that I was trying to ask her dance, Fionna so kindly decided to stop her snickering long enough to translate my words back into English.

“Oh, you want to dance?� Janice grinned, turning to face me again.

I just nodded, feeling stupid that I couldn’t even trust my tongue to get out one word right around her.

She glanced at Fionna for a few seconds as if to ask permission, when Fionna shooed the two of us away in response, Janice finally took my outstretched hand.

A slow jam was playing causing the mass of bodies to sway gently close together. I had led Janice out to the middle of the floor, when I happened to glance back at our table just as Richard and Fionna began to stroll away, hand and hand, steadily grinning at each other.

I watched as they found a spot on the dance floor, only a few couples away from where I was. Richard had stopped walking suddenly and flared his arms out to her. She stopped moving too, but just stared at him. Beckoning her over to him with his waggling fingers, she must have finally realized what he was trying to get her to do because she started grinning and shaking her head as if to say no. But his fingers just kept right on waggling and she kept right on shaking her head and not moving. Until she sighed, rolled her eyes and turned her back to him as if she was walking away completely.

Running faster than I’ve seen her run before—not that I’ve ever seen her run at all though—she took a running leap at him and he instead of looking confused as I would have, he gripped her around her waist and actually had to the run to try to lift her above her head like they were re-creating a scene in Dirty Dancing.

But he didn’t quite get her head that much above his own before his arms gave out and she came crashing down on top on him. This is when I expected her to get up and either curse him out or at least punch him for dropping her like that in the middle of all those people. But instead, she simply stayed where she was on the ground laying on top of him, laughing and when she did hit, it was playful—the smile that had sprung on her face since they started talking at the table about random things like Picasso’s blue period and Hilary Clinton’s chance of winning the national election if she tried was still there and going strong like it was drawn on with permanent marker.

“Go get your girl.�

I frowned, wondering why that voice sounded so familiar and so close. Looking down at finding that Janice was still in my arms, my face relaxed back into smile. How did I forget she was there? I asked, “What did you say?�

“Go get your girl.� She repeated with her usual perfectly white smile in place. “You’ve been eyeing those two ever since they stood up and headed for the dance floor.�

I opened my mouth to protest, but was cut off with a wave of her hand as she dismissed my excuses. “Go get her.� She persisted, pushing me in Fionna and Richard’s direction.

I didn’t move. This wasn’t how it was supposed to play out. I was supposed by like Richard was with Fionna right now, I was supposed to be dipping her and swinging her over my hip all crazy like, having fun, getting to know her better. Realizing I was doing it again, by paying attention to the wrong people, I glanced by at Janice.

“Go,� She mouthed with a roll of her eyes.

*^*^*
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out

I had no idea what Richard was saying. I could barely hear his voice over the music and what I did hear was every other fifth word, which amounted to a bunch of nothing. So I was taking a page from Janice’s playbook and merely giggling.

I felt stupid and he probably thought I was stupid. But that’s not going to stop me from enjoying being in his arms, even if that meant forcing myself to move in a way that could only loosely be called dancing. I’m sure if Diddy could see me, he’d want to take the black off my skin right about now. But Richard didn’t seem to mind. To be quite honest, he didn’t have much room to talk on that subject anyways. So instead of taking this dancing business seriously, we wound up instead just twirling and swirling around, laughing and apologizing every two minutes to the annoyed dancers we’d accidentally elbowed or run into.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I figured one of the people around us had been hit one too many times. But I was still too happy from spending time with Richard to care about the possible fight that could break loose, unfortunately when I turned around to face the tapper it wasn’t someone looking for a fight.

My smile fell at the sight of Justin, looking like he was trying to cut in. What the hell is wrong with him?

“I thought you don’t dance.� He said, leaning in so close that I could smell is cologne, so close that his lips brushed my ear at the end of every other syllable.

Everything she does is beautiful

“I don’t. This isn’t dancing. It’s shuffling awkwardly to the beat.� I frowned at him, watching as Richard said something that I guess was excusing him from this conversation and then proceeding to stroll away.

Everything she does is right

“You see that! You see what you did!� I cried, hitting him over and over and over in the same spot on his damn ripped stomach, which meant I should probably hit him harder to make it really hurt. “Are you confused or something? Because I think are you. You see we came up with this deal. We date each other to get each other’s friends. My friend is Janice, the pretty blonde who you walked away from to keep me from your friend, Richard, the handsome black Brian Austin Green…�
Cause it’s you and me

He didn’t say anything for awhile—just stood there smiling at me. “Brian Austin Green?� he laughed. “If that’s who you think he looks like then maybe it’s a good thing that I stepped in when I did.�

And all of the people
With nothing to do

“You’re hilarious, but I’d probably find this even more funny if you weren’t standing here saying it to me.�

Nothing to lose

“Then how would you know that it was so funny if you couldn’t hear me say it?�

And it's you and me

Dense and annoying…qualities that have gotten people killed since the beginning of time. “In other words, leave.�

“Then you’d be standing by yourself in the middle of the floor.�

“Brilliant deduction skills there, Sherlock. But why would I want that because standing with you in the middle of the floor is so much more appealing?� I said, rolling my eyes, before I started to head off in search of the one who’d gotten away.

When he didn’t say anything in response I took that as a sign that I could leave without much hassle. Apparently that was wrong.

“Dance with me.� He said, holding onto my wrist now. “Please.�

Scanning the crowd, which had grown, I couldn’t see which way Richard had gone off to. “Go dance with Janice.�

He didn’t say anything for a long while, so I made a move to leave again. Only there was one small problem, he was still holding onto my wrist. Staring at his grip on my arm, I said, “You can let go now.�

“Does that mean you’ll dance with me?�

“Are you just deaf or dumb?�

“I’m whatever you want me to be, baby.�

“Well, I want you to be gone…yet, here you are.� I said, gesturing to the fact that he was indeed still standing there. “Still holding onto me.�

“Do you want me to hold you closer? Is that way you’re so cranky?�

And before I could say yay or nay (take a wild guess which one it would have been), he pulled me flush against him. My hand landing on the opened part of his shirt, skimming his smooth tanned skin that was glistening in a light layer of sweat.

“You’re sweating.� I said, feeling dumb the moment that came out.

But he seemed not to care that I’d just a Captain Obvious moment and missed his opportunity to make fun of me when he instead just shrugged as his arms wrapped around my waist. “That’s what hot people do.�

Trying to ignore that fact that I’d enjoyed the flexing of the muscles in his arms as my hands moved up to his shoulders, I said. “Your modesty is astounding.�

We stayed like this for a half song. With me in his arms, we swayed slowly to the beat even though it was an up-tempo song that had everyone around us getting damn near biblical on the floor. But being there with my arms around him, my head on his shoulder, a finger or two playing in his short curls I had to admit, this wasn’t the hell I had thought it was going to be.

And all of the people
And I don't know why

But he wasn’t Richard and I didn’t come here and agree to this stupid deal to be standing here dancing with Justin. Yet for those few minutes, he’d completely distracted me. The bastard.

“You know this isn’t a slow song right?� I said, feeling the need to put some distant between us as I pulled back just even to stare into his baby blues.

I can't keep my eyes off of you

He didn’t say anything for while, he just watched me and continued to keep us swaying. After awhile a small smile cracked the corners of his lips. “I know,� he finally said with a nod. “But dancing slow with you felt right. What’s the rush when we got all night?�

What a grade A cheeseball. I thought, but for once I kept the comment to myself and instead just went with the flow. I didn’t know where Richard was anyways. So like he said, what’s the rush when we got all night?

*^*^*

“Last stop! All boozers off!�

Groaning, I woke up finding myself slumped over in the back of what I guessed was the limo with something heavy stretched out cross my chest. Opening my eyes wider, I realized we were in front of my house. How did we get here already?

Last thing I remember is challenging Fionna to a drink off, thinking it wouldn’t take much to drink her under the table. Ten shots later, I was wasted and she was downing her eleventh and screaming how she’d kicked my ass to anyone who would listen. Or really anyone with working ears.

“Why are you yelling?� the weight on my chest grumbled, pushing itself up only to slump over against the window. But with the street lights falling over the form, I realized it was Fionna, looking like she was gonna…

“Oh, shit, don’t do that in here!�

I didn’t recognize that voice, so I assumed that was the driver. He looked pissed. I laughed.

“Hurry up, J.� Richard commanded. “Get out. We gotta get her back to her place before she gets sick again.�

I never did like people rushing me, especially when they had three faces. Frowning, I closed my eyes to try to erase at least on of the faces. “She’s not gonna make it through L.A. traffic.�

Sighing, Janice said, “Unfortunately I think he’s right.�

“So then what do you wanna do?� Richard said talking to Janice.

They were discussing us like we weren’t fully functioning adults, which we weren’t but I still didn’t like being discounted to my face. “She can stay with me.� I said, stumbling out of the limo, tripping over rug and falling out.

“Oh, be careful.� Janice said, making moves toward me.

“Guess you shoulda told him that before he swan dived onto the cement.� Fionna laughed.

Turning to face her from my spot on the sidewalk, I said, “That puke looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.�

“I hate you.� She slurred before hiccupping as she stumbled toward me before stopping to hold her head. “Make it stop. I wanna get off.�

I just laughed at her, even though I was on the same merry-go-round that she was.

“Do you think it would be a good idea to leave them alone together� Janice said, her eyes bouncing between Fionna who was still holding her head and me who was too lazy and too tired to be bothered with getting up from the sidewalk at the moment. “…like this.�

“They’re already dating,� Richard shrugged. “So it’s not like some drunken sex would kill them.�

“Oh, god, I’m gonna be sick.� Fionna said as if the thought so repulsed her. And apparently it really did, because once again, she was puking on my front lawn.

“Hey, how bout you stop discussing my sex life and help her inside before she kills all of my grass with that shit?� I said, staring at Richard before tossing him my keys.

As he was helping her into my house, I distinctly saw her raise her hand and give me the happy finger before Richard could get her fully into the house.

Laughing, I thought, who would have thought the night would be ending like this?

…or at least I thought I was just thinking it.

Hearing giggling, I turned to Janice wondering if I’d missed something and she was drunk too. I didn’t remember her drinking anything, but right now the night was pretty much a blur. “Yeah, it has been pretty weird. ‘Specially after Fi had won y’alls little drinking contest and started grabbing random guys on the floor to dance with. I let her have her fun until she started to dance with Fred Durst. I don’t even know why he was there, but he’s creepy.�

Laughing, I said, “So where was I during all this?�

She shrugged. “I think you were still over by the bar mumbling something about a recount.�

“Great,� I said, holding my head as the sound of barking dogs escalated all of a sudden. “So I guess, I made a great impression with you, huh?�

“It was…uh, memorable to say the least.� She giggled. “You’re a funny drunk.�

I wanted to ask what I’d said that was so funny, but I had a big enough headache as it was and I wasn’t looking to adding to it just yet. That’s what tomorrow is for.

“Alright, we’re outta here.� Richard announced, suddenly reappearing out of the door. “Fionna’s in living room.� He tossed over his shoulder to me before heading toward the impatiently waiting limo driver.

“What is she doing in there?�

He shrugged his broad shoulders and opened the door before ushering Janice in before him. “I dunno. Hopefully sleeping.�

“Thanks.� I said, frowning at the thought of the mess that could be awaiting me. “For nothing.�

“Anytime, bro. Anytime.� He grinned with a wink, before sliding into the limo and shutting the door in my face.

I didn’t want to think about what that wink could possibly mean as I turned to head into the house. But before I could get in myself, Fionna was herself walking out.

“Where do you think you’re going?�

“I’m not staying here.�

“Doesn’t look like you have much of a choice.� I said, gesturing behind me to the now empty street. “They left. And you clearly aren’t up to driving.�

She groaned. “I don’t feel so good, Justin.� She whined.

“That’s what you get for trying to outdrink me, lightweight.� I laughed, rustling her hair around on her head.

“I would hit you, if you hadn’t called me thin and I could figure out which one of three smirking faces was yours.�

“But I didn’t mean it like…� Trailing off I decided to just shut up and let her think what she wanted to, was safer for me that way anyways.

“I wanna…I wanna go…� She said, turning around and stumbling to who knows where before stumbling and falling to the floor.

“Are you okay?� I said, moving to help her up when she hadn’t moved for awhile.

“This carpet is really soft.� She said, rubbing her cheek against it with a smile.

“Okay, Sugar Pie,� I laughed, taking her by the arm and attempting to pull her up—only to have her resist, insisting that I get on the floor too so that we can have a carpet swimming race.

“I bet I can kick your ass,� she boasted, already making stokes and kicking her legs as if she were really going to swim “…again.�

Watching her continuing to kick her arms and legs, I said, “If I do this will you go to bed with me?�

“Are you trying to proper-sition me?� she slurred with a happy drunken grin as she rolled over onto her back and started doing a lazy back stroke.

“I’m not that drunk yet.� I said, before she sent her leg flying in my direction to hit me at the back of my knee, which of course caused me to keel over. “This is what you wanted all along wasn’t it?� I smiled, now lying on top of her.

“Oh yeah,� She said, wrapping her long legs around my waist and pulling my shirt over my head before I had a chance to stop her. “This is gonna be the best minute of my life.�
_________________________
This chapter features: No Doubt - Ex-girlfriend (lyrics tweeked, slightly)
Lifehouse - You & Me

Chapter 10: The Morning After

Something was ringing. Long, shrill, persistent rings.

Fuck, was my first thought before I even bothered to open my eyes as I rolled over toward the ringing. Picking up the phone, I said hello a few times—each time to silence. I was about to hang up and go back to sleep when I heard, "What are you doing at Justin's house at this time?"

I frowned at the bubbling anger that the person on the other end of the line was struggling to control when I realized what had been said. "What are you talking about?" I said, and no sooner than I got that out did a shower fresh, towel clad Justin stroll out of the bathroom with steam trailing out behind him.

"What the fu..." I cried, jumping up from the bed, getting tangled in the sheets and falling to the floor. "What are you doing here?"

Walking over to the other side of the bed, when I was still laying, his eyes looked like they were laughing as he grinned down at me before looking around the room for a moment. He said, "I believe this is my bedroom…in my house."

A frown overcame my features as I processed his words, putting them together with what the person on the phone had said. Looking around the room from where I still sat on the floor by the bed, I spotted some weights sitting in the corner of the room and a wall-lined with more sneakers than one person could ever need—both of which ruled out any possibilities that I could be in my own room.

"So it is." I said, pushing myself to my feet. "You got a phone call."

Heading back into the bathroom, he said, "Who was it?"

"I dunno. I didn't get that far into the conversation before you walked out of the bathroom half-naked..."

He chuckled loudly from within the bathroom. "And you were so flustered that you couldn't finish the conversation?"

"You say flustered, I say disgusted."

He laughed louder at that, like it was impossible for a woman to see him barely clothed and not think about jumping out a window rather than jumping his bones. "I think you might still be drunk." he said, appearing at the doorway—his towel curiously lower. Realizing I'd been watching how the top line of the towel crossed low on his pelvis, I forced myself to meet his eyes again. Which turned out to not be the best idea, because the bastard was smirking at me now.

He licked his lips for a few moments, his eyes seeking out mine, as silence took the place of my missing words. "It probably was Christina." He said, suddenly retreating back into the bathroom again.

"What?" I said, having completely forgotten what the hell we were talking about before.

"I said, I think it was Ricci calling." He said, louder. "Why don't you just come in here, so I don't have to yell?"

Come in there, where his clothing consisted of a loosely tied towel—right. "Are you decent?"

"Decent, no." He laughed. "Fine, sexy, ridiculously attractive, yes...but I'm sure you already knew that."

Rolling my eyes, I walked into the bathroom and found him standing in his favorite spot: in front of the mirror. I watched his slow, smooth, clean strokes for awhile as he shaved. He was using one of those old razors that looked like something a slave might have shaved his master with. My daddy had one of those too. I always did like watching him shave.

"So, does she usually call you at this time?" I asked, putting the lid down on the toilet and taking a seat.

He held his razor under the sink for a moment, cleaning the shaving cream from it and shaking it dry, before moving it back to his cheek again. Glancing at me through the mirror, he said, "Yeah it's annoying as hell too. I don't know how she got my number either."

"Do you want me to beat her up for you?" I said, cracking my knuckles.

He glanced at me again with a smile, before taking another smooth stroke of the blade across his cheek. "Would you?" He laughed, rinsing off the blade again.

I didn't realize it until that moment how much his laugh strangely reminded me of my daddy's with the way it sort of rumbled out as if it was coming straight from his belly. I continued to watch him take his last stroke of the blade in silence, before I said, "Nah, she seems like she's more than a little...off balance."

He took his time putting away his things before he turned toward me, leaning against the sink. Crossing his arms, which I think he purposely flexed, he tilted his head slightly to the left, smiled crookedly and said, "Aren't you going to ask me why you're here?"

Oh, he thinks he's so smart. Like I hadn't already wondered that. Like he had managed to distract me from such a basic question. "I just figured you got me drunk and dragged me back to your lair. Or you clubbed me and then dragged me back to your lair." I shrugged, rubbing my head for a moment. "Cause I think either one would explain the throbbing in my head."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you and your cave man fantasies, but it was none of the above. You managed to get yourself drunk all by yourself. I think we were having a drinking contest or something." He said, walking out of the bathroom.

Following him, I said, "So you were drunk too?"

"Yeah. Not as bad off as you were though." He laughed.

Ignoring what the last thing he'd said, my eyes fully scanned the bedroom for the first time. Clothes were scattered here and there. Like they'd been thrown there the night before. My clothes. "Why are my..." I trailed off, pointing to the scattered clothing, before glancing down at myself and realizing I was dressed in one of Justin's over-sized t-shirts and basketball shorts. "And why am I wearing your shit?"

"Because you ripped off yours." he said, like it was perfectly normal for me to rip off my clothes in front of him.

My jaw dropped. "Are you sure?"

He actually laughed at my dismay. "Yeah, pretty sure." he nodded. "And I struggled to get you into what you're wearing now."

Holding my head, my body automatically fell into a sitting position—luckily the bed was underneath me when I landed. "Oh, god. I'm never going to drink again."

"Relax, other than that we just went to sleep."

"Straight to sleep? No detours?"

He smirked.

I frowned. "Are you ever going to get dressed?" I asked, determined to change to subject before he could say anything that would make me regret drinking anymore than I already did.

His smirk grew as he stood confident in his damn near nakedness. Licking his lips real slow, he said, "Does my clothelessness bother you?"

My frown deepened. That sounded like a trick question. "No." I said, less than confidently.

"Good." He said, dropping his towel.

And before I could cover my eyes or turn my head, the towel was already fluttering through the air halfway to the floor and without thinking, I screamed.

He just laughed. "That's not usually the reaction I get when I do that. It's usually more along the lines of 'oh my god, oh my god!' But I like screamers, too." He winked.

My head throbbed harder as I rolled my eyes. He'd been wearing his boxer shorts under the towel that whole time. "Are those 'oh my god's usually followed by 'is that it?!'"

A cocky grin sauntered across his face, as he said, "You tell me." He was reaching for the trim on his boxers like he was going to show me the goods, when Sadie bounded into the room.

Bless that little dog's belly rub loving, attention needy heart.

Sadie bounded in, pushing the door to side so that it was wide open now, her tailing wagging as she ran over to Justin. She’d just finished jumping at him and was about to lay down belly rub-ready, when she happened to turn her head and notice me.

Cutting her greeting to Justin off, she bounded over to me with all her hyper idiot energy.

“Guess she loves her momma more.� Justin said, pouting.

“Whatever and I ain’t her momma.� I said, scratching behind Sadie’s ears just like she liked.

“Shh, don’t say that.� he scolded, cuddling Sadie in his arms. “Momma doesn’t mean that baby.� he cooed down on her as she struggled to be out of his arms, liking the attention but never liking being held. Well except for when she’d come back after being spayed, then you couldn’t get her out of your arms.

While Justin continued to coo and pet Sadie, my eyes could help but to see all the clothes. Clothes I didn’t remember taking off.

“You know this doesn’t change anything, right?�

“Change what?� he asked, glancing up from his crouched down position.

“I know you’re good at it, a little too good at it, but don’t play dumb for a second.�

He smirked, but didn’t say anything, still stroking Sadie.

“So nothing is gonna change, okay.� I said, gathering the clothes on the floor and trying not to notice the rumpled sheets on the large king-sized bed in front of me. “Nothing. I’m still gonna come over and take care of that lil’ bitch.�

Justin frowned at my language, while covering Sadie’s ears. “Momma didn’t mean that baby.�

“That’s what she is.� I retorted, moving toward the door with my things. “And what’s the point in covering her ears if I already said it and you’re gonna try to talk to her?�

He just laughed and shrugged.

Standing in the front of the door, I turned back to him. He was watching. Sitting on the bed now, just in his boxers—watching me.

I watched him for a second, before I got up the nerve to ask, “What even happened last night?�

“Honestly,� he started. “I don’t really know.�

I sighed. “Then how do you know…we…didn’t…y’know?�

“We didn’t what?� he smirked, clearly enjoying my discomfort.

“Shut up, jerk. You know what I’m trying to say.�

“No, I don’t.� He smiled. “Use words, explain.�

“Fine.� I sighed, hesitating again when I looked into his eyes. His deep blue eyes kept steady contact with my dark chocolate eyes. When he was happy they were bright. Mad, they were dark. But today they were glimmering, which made me wonder what the hell was going on in that mind of his. “You don’t know if we…did the deed?�

“What?� he asked, trying to look confused, but failing.

Rolling my eyes, I tried again. “Took a roll in the hay?�

“Huh?�

“Made whoopee?�

“Made what?� he asked, genuinely confused.

Rolling my eyes again, I sighed. “Like you never watched the old Newlywed Game Show.�

“Actually I didn’t.�

“Did we do the bed boogie? Did you put yo’ beef in my taco? Bury the bone? Bush patrol? Dip your wick? Drill for oil? Exchange bodily fluids? Five knuckle shuffle? Do the hanky panky? Hit it? Hop on the good foot and do the bad thing? Horizontal exercises, horizontal hustle, hula, mambo, polka, tango? Do the humpty dance? Knock boots? Lay some pipe? Make it? Do the Mommie-Daddy dance? The nasty? Nookie? Parallel park? Pass the gravy? Play doctor? Pop it in? Screw? Shag? Slap some skin? Do the ugly?� I said, in one breath before talking another.

Cutting me off before I could get my full second breathe he said, “With me, it could never be ugly.�

“I could come up with a few more, but I think you get the point.�

“Yeah, I think you already pretty much went through the alphabet.� He smiled, watching me in silence for a few beats—his eyes still glimmering. "You hungry?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I can't function like a normal person when I'm hungry." He said, walking out of the room and down the hall before I could say anything. "And I don't like to eat alone."

Resisting the urge to say how he never functions like a 'normal' person, I simply followed him with my clothes still in hand and said, "You live alone though." I frowned at him and his logic. Dropping my things down on one of his couches in the TV room, I walked into the kitchen and said, "So what does that mean? You usually don't eat?"

"I usually go out to eat." He said, opening the fridge.

"I see," I said, noticing how it looked like his refrigerator was damn near empty from where I was standing save some beer, Gatorade and milk.

"So what do you have a taste for?" he said, moving to the pantry and pulling boxes down. "Cap'n Crunch or Cheerios?"

"That's not breakfast, that's a snack." I scoffed, helping myself to his fridge. "Okay, you do have some things. Eggs, bacon," I said, pulling the bacon out and noticing the expiration date had come and past nearly a full two months ago. "Okay scratch the bacon, but you do have some fruit. Do you have any kind of meat around here that's not rotting?"

Glancing down at himself, he smirked. "Yeah, but it's nothing I'm willing to part with."

"Are you trying to make me throw up?"

He made a face at me before sliding between me and the opened refrigerator door. "I think I have some sausage in there, somewhere." He said, rummaging through until he found a package with only four measly links.

"Your fridge is stocked worse than a broke ass college student's." I sighed. "But I guess this will have to do."

Grabbing the package of links, I fumbled around through the cabinets and bottom drawers until I found some skillets.

"I didn't know you knew how to cook." He said, gathering silverware and plates in his arms as he moved over toward the table.

"There's a lot you don't know about me." I met his eyes with a smile until I realized, no smile on his face meant—he was about to get all serious on me. So I added, "Give me a toaster and a slice of bread and I can throw down." I laughed.

He didn't. He barely smiled. He was thinking about something. It was a silent fidgety thinking pause that worried me. And that's probably why I asked the dumbest question a woman can ask a man.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

He looked up from where he'd been setting and re-setting the table, but didn't respond right away. He did that a lot—the delayed response thing and it was beginning to annoy the crap out of me. "I was just thinking about how much closer I've felt to you in these last few days and yet you're right—there's still so much I don't know about you."

"I was joking." I said, trying to force out a laugh to lighten the mood.

"Well, I'm not."

He was staring at me now as if I was supposed to just spill out my life story. So instead I turned my back to him and focused on not burning the sausage. Conversation over, right?

"What are your parents like?"

…guess again.

I frowned. "I dunno, they're parent-like." I shrugged.

"Still married? Divorced? Strict? Easygoing?" He said, standing to the left of me by the stove now. "What are they like?"

"Still married. My dad's easygoing and my mom's..." I laughed softly, shaking my head. "Well let's just say she's not."

"Okay." He nodded. "What about your brothers and sisters?"

"Three brothers, no sisters."

"Are you the youngest?"

"No." I said, turning the links. "John and Kevin are older than me. Then me, then Charlie."

"And..." he prompted.

"And what?" I frowned at him.

"What are they like?"

"They're typical brothers," I shrugged. "...annoying, pushy, protective."

"I wouldn't know what typical is. I'm an only child."

"Ahh and it all makes sense now." I laughed at his baffled expression, before turning back to the slowly cooking sausage. "The self-centeredness, the independence, the bratty spoiledness. You’re not much of a loner, but I get the feeling that you’re the type that just ups and disappears on a person randomly at times."

Turning to my left, to where he had been standing just a moment ago, I found empty space where his body had been. “Where did...� I said, turning around to find him suddenly close to me on the opposite side. “Shit.� I hissed, holding my chest for a moment as my heart pounded. “Don’t do that!� I cried, hitting him.

A small smile graced his face as he said, “Don’t do what?�

“You’re so evil.�

"So,� He started, moving slowly behind me, close enough that I feel his movement as his body brushed mine. “I know you're only 19, but have you had any big, life changing moments?"

And suddenly it was like I was back on the steps of that random building, crying into my hands, wondering what had made me think I could make it by myself in LA of all places. And then a shadow falls over me, shielding me from the bright warmth of the California sun.

It’s Martin.

With a smile just as big, bright and warm as the sun. A smile that made me trust him with those mesmerizing green eyes of his that looked so friendly, so helpful, so…safe.

"This isn't the kind of conversation you have in boxer shorts." I said, curtly.

"Is that your way of asking me to take them off?"

Rolling my eyes, I pushed the food off the skillet and onto his plate and said, "Just eat and shut up."

*^*^*

We’d been eating in silence for several minutes until she dropped her fork down dramatically and sighed—just staring at me for awhile, leaned back with her arms crossed.

“What?� I said, continuing to shovel food into my mouth.

“I don’t like not knowing what happened.�

Frowning, I slowly chewed my mouth full of food. “I don’t do riddles this early in the morning.�

Her eyes rolled over took the clock that read one-twenty-four in the afternoon. “What happened last night? I need to know.�

Noticing that she looked more agitated that usual, I said, “As far as I can remember we didn’t do anything but go to sleep.�

“As far as you can remember we didn’t.� She said, gathering up my plate before I was finished with it and dropping it off at the sink. “But what if we did?�

My mind not really on what she was saying, but more on what she’d done: tossed away the rest of my damn breakfast. I shrugged. “What if we did? Would it change anything?�

“No.� She said quickly. “Well…yeah. Doesn’t it have to?�

“No, not necessarily.� I said, getting up and moving toward the TV room since she’d successfully gotten rid of my reasons for lingering in the kitchen any longer.

Her sigh followed me, letting me know she was at my back. “I just don’t like the fact that something could have happened last night that I’m not aware of.� she said, sitting down on the couch. “I mean I don’t know what it was like, if I liked it or not.�

I laughed, softly, moving up behind her. “Trust me, if we did. You loved it.� I kissed the back of her neck. “Every hot, sweaty second of it.�

Laughing, she swatted at my loose lips. “Maybe, but even still I’d like to remember the supposed best sixty seconds of my life.�

Hitting her with a nearby pillow, I said, “Shut up, stupid.�

She smiled. “If it makes you feel any better you’re the best sex I never remembered.� She said, but laughing again, this time falling onto her back as I leapt on her, tickling her until she couldn’t breathe.

“Stop, stop it.� She laughed, her eyes squeezed shut. She was laughing so hard that tears squeezed out. “Stop it!�

When the tickle attack did finally cease, she hesitantly opened her eyes, finding me still straddling her. I smiled down on her, watching her as she tried to catch her breath.

“You know, normal breathing would be a lot easier without your fat ass sitting on me.�

Rolling my eyes, I pinched her before moving away. Not far away, mind you. But far enough so she could try to breathe again.

“You’re awfully violent for a prettyboy. I thought y’all were supposed to be the gentle ones. Too concerned with your hair and clothes to do much else.�

Ignoring her comment, I said, “If we did have sex, I’m sorry our first time had to be when we were both out of it.�

She laughed. “First and last time, unless you somehow get me drunk again.�

I glanced at her and smiled softly, reaching toward her and brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face. “You’re beautiful first thing in the morning.� I murmured.

“Yeah, I’m sure hair sticking out at all ends, lines from the pillow on my face, eye crusties, and morning breath is beautiful.� She said, rolling her eyes, her eyes unconsciously looking away from mine.

“Don’t forget the drool.�

Scrunching her nose up in disgust and embarrassment, she sighed. “I drooled?�

“Yeah, a little bit. No biggie though. All part of the Fionna in the morning package.� I smiled, catching her eye for a long moment. A moment so long that I didn’t even notice the fact that we were sitting so close—our bodies nearly pressed together—until I felt her take a hitching breath.

“You better not kiss me, Timberlake.� She said, moving away from me.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to gather my thoughts and figure out what the hell exactly I was thinking about. “Why would I do a dumb thing like that?�

“I dunno, but you got this funny look in your eyes that said ‘warning: dumb things to come.’ And I just wanted to stop you before you turned the funny look into funny actions.�

I tried to smile, tried to say something that would relax the tenseness from her shoulders so that she wouldn’t pull away any further than she’d already done. I didn’t know why, but felt a sudden urge to have her stay.

She watched me, watching her for a few beats before a slow smile crept across her face. “You’re not going to do it to me.�

A frown wrinkled my brow. “Do what?� I asked.

Saying nothing, she rose and headed to the door, gathering her things as she went. I reluctantly followed her to the door, opening it for her.

She was half-way in, half-way out when she turned back to me, her face stoic and said, "Put some pants on, Justin."

Licking my lips, I grinned as I leaned against the door frame toward her. "Why, so you can just snatch them off again?"

Her jaw dropped and her eyebrows shot up, but for some reason her eyes didn’t look as surprised as her face did. "I did that?"

I just laughed and she punched me. "I hate you."

"No, you don’t." I said, scooping her up into a tight hug—so close that my nose was getting buried in her short curls. “Sugar Pie can never hate her Honey Bunch.�

She surprised me then. Instead of saying something sarcastic, she just laughed. Laughed and actually wrapped her arms around my neck without any attempts to hurt me, sighed and said, “Of course. How could I forget?�

*^*^*

As soon as I got back home, the first thing I was greeted with was the sound of giggling.

Janice was strolling around the family room, phone in hand, giggling away. Walking past her, I immediately laid down on the couch with my feet propped up on the coffee table, too lazy to move much further. No sooner than I had closed my eyes, completely relaxed did I feel my feet getting knocked off of the table. Opening my eyes again, I spied Janice sauntered out of the phone, giggling on the phone as she went.

Less than twenty seconds later, she was back, coffee in hand. Shoving the mug into my hand, but still saying nothing and was just about to leave the room again, when I said, “You know I don’t like coffee.�

She stopped mid-step, turned around and gave me one of the hardest look I’d ever seen her give and the next thing I knew I was sipping that putrid brew and she was sauntering out the room, giggling again with the phone attached to her ear.

Ten minutes later and I’d managed to get the mug half-empty, when a phoneless Janice came back.

“So?� she asked, expectantly, plopping down on the couch beside me.

Raising my eyebrows in confusion, I echoed, “So?�

“You aren’t going to give me any details?� Janice said, looking offended. Like I’d wronged her somehow. “I mean, I know I don’t know if this was y’alls first time together or anything, but…�

Groaning, I finally understood what ‘details’ she was trying to get at. “Suddenly, I remember why I never had any girlfriends.� I muttered, getting up to leave. “To avoid conversations like this.�

“We haven’t even talked about it though.�

“And that’s the way I’d like to keep it.� I smiled, heading up the stairs.

“Okay,� she said, standing at the bottom of the staircase now. “But…� I should have known that was coming. “You can’t tell me even the tiniest detail?� she continued, following me up the steps and down the hall to my room.

“I don’t kiss and tell.� I said, walking into my room.

“Rules were meant to be broken.� She grinned, positioning herself in a way to prevent me from closing the door on her like I wanted to.

I sighed, realizing that telling her whatever it was she wanted to hear was probably good for the sake of the deal. But for some reason, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and go straight to sleep. So I compromised.

Leaving the door as it was, wide-open, I crawled into my bed, pulling the comforter over my head, knowing full well that Janice was going to follow me. And sure enough, less than two seconds, the bed was sinking in on the side I’d left open for her and the comforter was being pulled back before she slipped under it with me.

“So, tell me.� She persisted, laying her head on my shoulder. “You come home in clothes so baggy that I can only assume that they’re Justin’s…unless you’ve gotten to the point where you leave extra clothes over at his place. Either way, that means that…�

“It means that I changed clothes.�

“Yes, but why.� When I didn’t immediately respond, she started to whine. “C’mon, girl, tell me something. I thought I was your friend. If it were me, I would tell you.�

Frowning at the desperation that was hedging into her voice, I rolled over so that I was facing her. “How long as it been since you’ve gotten some?�

“What?� she said, clearly taken aback by my bluntness.

“I’m only asking because you seem a little…desperate.�

“I’m not desperate.� She scoffed, flipping back her long blonde hair—as if her blondeness was proof that she couldn’t possibly be desperate. “I’m just…interested. Curious. As any friend would be.�

“Interested, curious…or jealous?� I asked, with a half-smile, watching as she squirmed slightly at the question. Laughing, I said, “Whatever it doesn’t matter. Truthfully, I can’t remember much about last night. But apparently I ripped my clothes off…�

Cutting me off, her jaw dropped before she said, “You did that?�

“Yeah,� I laughed. “Apparently a little alcohol plus Justin, brings out the animal in me.�

When she didn’t say anything and continued to stare at me dreamily as if I was telling her the best fairy tale ever, I added, “His body is just so…� I trailed off, making random ‘mmm’s sounds because I couldn’t find the energy to create a good enough lie or exaggeration. Not to say that the man’s body isn’t as nice as he likes to brag, but he brags enough for himself as it is.

But apparently, less is more at times like these, because Janice was ‘mmm’ing right along with me, with her eyes closed as if she was imagining Justin was here with her, naked and…

Shaking off the thought of Justin naked with Janice, I said, “I’ve never felt the way I feel about Justin, about anyone else before.� I didn’t know why I’d felt the need to say that or why the fact that she was still lying with her eyes closed and murmuring softly bothered me, even if it was only slightly. “He just makes me feel good, y’know? Safe, protected…loved.�

Janice had finally opened her eyes now. Her usual bright smile was dimmed, but still ever-present. “So in other words, he’s huge right?�

Groaning, I just pulled the covers over my head.

She just giggled for a while, before sighing. “Okay, you were right. It has been…awhile.� She relented.

“Ya think?� I chuckled. “You practically had an orgasm over five words.�

“I know, I know. It’s sad.� She sighed, rolling onto her back and staring quietly at the ceiling. “So you’re really not going to tell me anything juicy?� she whined.

Knowing I should probably tell her something even if I just made it all up, but feeling strangely protective, I said, “So who was that you were on the phone with before?�

“Oh,� she said, her thin lips instantly curling into a smile. “Just a friend.�

*^*^*

“He shoots and he…�

“Misses a-gain!� Richard laughed, making an easy rebound, before taking a shot from the free-throw line.

I frowned at him as I squinted through the nearly blinding bright sunlight, watching as he released the ball making a perfect shot. My game was off today and of course that would mean, his was sizzling. Every shot sailed through the air from his fingertips and swooshed through the net like he was born to do it.

“I’m just tired.� I sighed, yawning for effect as I wiped my brow. “That’s why you’re beating me right now.�

“Tired, huh?� he smirked, dribbling the ball back and forth through his legs. “So I take it Fionna wore you out last night then?�

Smirking back at him, I stole the ball from him and made a lay-up. “You could say that.� I said, coyly, passing it back to him.

He watched the ball as it smacked the pavement for a few seconds, before he said, “So is she a freak?�

“Man…� I sighed, not really wanting to go there with Richard.

“I mean,� he shrugged as the ball continued to bounce from his pavement to his hand and back again. “She just seems like she’s one of those lady in the streets, freak in the sheets type of chicks.�

I knew this was conversation was working perfectly with the deal, but something about it just didn’t feel right. If it wasn’t Fionna, maybe it wouldn’t feel weird to talk about her like this. ‘Cause it’s not like I was wholly above dishing out every little detail of a lay—but Fionna wasn’t just another lay. And if you want to get all technical about it, she wasn’t a lay at all.

“Man, are you gonna D up, or what?� I said, taking slow easy strides to the hoop. “Or am I gonna have to take it to the hole again? Hmmm, but maybe you’d like that…you could be one of them DL brothers.� I chuckled, going up for a drunk.

Dashing in front of me, he jumped just as I did, his long arms darting up just in time to bitch slap my shot down.

“Rejected!� he laughed, grabbing the ball. “But seriously though, she was actin’ kinda wild last night. And then today you’re sooo tired. All signs point to…�

“You, trying to get all up in my business.� I frowned, stealing the ball from him again.

“You haven’t had any ‘business’ in so long, I’m surprised you’d even know what it was to know if you’d had any.� He chuckled, side swiping the ball from me.

“Man, you know the only reason you’re worried about my ‘business’ is that your business has become so dry, it’s crusty.�

“Speaking of things that are crusty,� he said, faking to the left then to the right before making a net swooshing three-pointer. “Lately you’ve been looking like you’re in need of some lotion.�

Grabbing the ball, I checked it to him and waited for him to pass it back before I said, “And since your bedroom is stocked up with it, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind giving me a bottle.�

“You got jokes, huh?� he said, sucking his teeth. “You really need to lay off the DL jokes, they’re starting to wear thin on my nerves.�

“They’re starting to wear thin on your nerves, huh, grandpa?� I laughed. “Sorry, my bad.� I said, trying to make a three of my own, only it didn’t quite work out—I think the wind was against me that time.

Suddenly Barry Manilow’s “Mandy� began playing, causing Richard to jog over to his gym bag and pull out his cell.

“Keep it down low, nobody has to know.� I sang with a grin.

He flipped me off and finished his call a few minutes later.

“So who was that?�

Richard just smiled, closed his phone and said, “Just a friend.�

Chapter 11: A Little Less You & Me

He calls and I come running. Who ever would have predicted that shit? Certainly not me.

Well for the sake of my pride, I have to say that I didn't run. I simply dropped everything I was doing, which wasn't a lot mind you, to come over to Justin's place. Just because he called and said he wanted to see me. I came.

Goddamn it, I must be sick or something. Maybe I should go see a doctor.

Ringing the doorbell over and over, purposefully trying to be obnoxious to piss him off so as to reclaim some of the old me, I waited outside the door of his ridiculously expensive house which rested on the top a hill which my poor old '89 Mazda Hatchback barely was about to sputter and shudder to the top of. Leaning hard on the buzzer for the third time, I decided if he didn't come to the door this time I was going to turn around and leave. Not peacefully, not quietly, but I was going to leave. Shit, gas was expensive. I couldn't afford to drive around for luxury.

At the end of the third ring, I cursed the door and stupid bastard who had yet to open it and turned on my Nike heel to head back to my car. I was half-way down the driveway, when I heard, "Sorry 'bout that. I was on the other side of the house and started jogging on the second ring."

I was going to turn and tell him how this wouldn't be a problem if his house wasn't big enough to need a map and compass to navigate through, but when I turned around to face him, the sarcasm died in my throat.

Standing in the doorway, naked from the waist up was Richard. His face wrapped in its usual warm smile, flashing bright white dentist praise worthy teeth. But for once his smile and even his beautiful emerald green eyes were bypassable features. I felt my mouth go cotton ball dry as I tried to force my eyes away from the ripples of his abdomen. Unfortunately my eyes didn't seem to understand that moving away from his chest was the plan, but not by moving south.

His basketball shorts were riding low on his hips, I couldn't make out any underwear and my mind started to wonder and that's about the time that I heard a sound like someone clearing their throat.

Reluctantly my eyes got the hint and trailed up, slowly, to meet his amused gaze.

I'd been cold busted. Not that I'd been smooth enough to even bother with hiding the fact that I was checking him out, but that little fact didn't help stop the heat from rising to my face. I tried to force my gaping mouth into a smile, but judging from the effort it took to do so, I'm sure it came off awkwardly.

This would have been the perfect time for a giant hole to open up and suck my pathetic ass in.

"Are you going to come in?" he asked, his eyes still glimmering with laughter. I'm glad that my chagrin is entertaining to him.

Shaking my head, I tried to snap myself out of the last of the stupor. "Y-yeah, of course." I said, following him inside, trying hard but failing not to admire his tushy as he sauntered in front of me. When he turned around unexpectedly, a knowing smile graced his lips, which again sent the heat of embarrassment rushing up to my face as my eyes fell to the floor searching for that damn hole.

He watched me for a moment in silence. It didn't feel like he was checking me out, but then again I don't think I've ever had a guy check me out openly to know what exactly that feels like. Opting to exercise my right to remain silence, I focused on trying to calm down the rapid beating of my heart. Was it normal to be this nervous around someone?

"Justin just stepped out a minute ago." Richard said, after he'd sufficiently made me squirm. "I think he's running some kind of errand. I dunno," he shrugged, the up and down movement bringing my attention to the masculine broadness of his shoulders. "He didn't really say."

"Oh, ok." I nodded. "Then I'll just come back later then." I said, my feet already leading me towards the door.

"I don't have cooties."

First embarrassment, now confusion—I get all the cool emotions to be my friends. Turning to face him, I said, "Huh?"

He grinned, a quick flash of pearly whites at its best. "Just in case that's what you were thinking while you were dashing toward the door."

Heat was rushing up my face again—surprise, surprise. Me, embarrassed? "I...uh, I..."

His smile grew an inch to the left, as if my brilliant articulation of my thoughts impressed him. "He should be back soon. You might as well just hang around and wait." When I was still standing closer to the door than to him, he added, "The whole reason I'm even still here is because of you anyways. I've been waiting on you."

His calm green eyes stayed steady on me as if he couldn't find anything better to stare at if he tried. His smile was still there, a little more hidden, but every bit as tantalizing.

Even if I had wanted my lips to not be so damn predictable, I couldn't have helped but smile back at him. The man was just charming, effortlessly. "Really?"

Inside my head and upon later reflection I would cringe at the hopeful lilt in my voice, but there, in that moment, all I could do was smile. A big, goofy, cheeseball smile.

"Yeah, Justin wanted to me stay so that you wouldn't run off just because he wasn't here. His words."

My smile fell almost as quickly and easily as it had risen. "Oh," I sighed, unable to hide my disappointment.

And just as soon as we'd stepped out our awkward silence, it has once again descended upon us.

Small talk, small talk, small talk—that's what my mind kept encouraging me to do. Engage him in small talk. But that was way easier thought than done, my small talk skills were horrible at best. Even if he got the proverbial ball rolling, I would still fumble it. Or worse yet, run with it in the wrong direction.

Sports weren't my thing either.

But apparently awkward silences were.

Glancing back at him, I found him to be staring at me, which made the silence feel more awkward and more silent.

Ah and there it is—self-consciousness. I was beginning to wonder when that old pal would show up. But it was just like Old Faithful, give it some time and it was bound to sprout up.

Now here was I, self-consciousness, awkward and silent, praying to God, who was probably had me on permanent hold, that some brilliant conversation starter would strike me. A few shuffled feet later and I realized that the muzak was playing and I was on my own. Great.

"So is it just me, or did it just get really awkward?"

Looking at him and his playful boyish grin, I found that damn goofy cornball smile taking root on my mouth again. "Just? I'd say we'd already been there, done that. And now we're going back for seconds."

He laughed. His laugh sounded like pure joy, it was the kind of sound that should be kept bottled up and released to the ears of cancer patients as a cure. I felt lighter, happier just hearing it.

"So..." He smiled.

"So..." I smiled.

"So, so, so..."

"So when did you say that Justin was going to be back?" And as soon as I said it, I realized the mistake I'd made. Richard and I were having a moment, awkward, yes, but a moment nevertheless. And then what did I have to do? Go and open my big mouth and drop the one name that could fuck it all up: Justin, my dear fake boyfriend.

His smile dimmed, but was too resilient to die completely. "Soon."

"Helpful." I grinned, rolling my eyes. "Very helpful."

"That's me." He grinned. "Helpful."

"My cheeks are starting to hurt."

A frown swept across his face, but somehow his smile grew.

"The ones in my face." I laughed, rolling my eyes again.

"Why are they hurting?"

I shrugged. "Smiling too much, I guess."

He just watched me for a moment. But this time the silence didn't feel awkward, it was comfortable. Something you could relax in. "Yeah, now that you mention it, mine do hurt a little."

"As hard as you've been grinning I'm surprised that little, isn't a lot."

"Okay," he laughed that joyous straight from the belly laugh. "You got me. I was just trying to save face. I can't help it that you make me smile so damn much."

That's all it took to bring the shit-eating smile back to my face. And God help me if I didn't like it. "I make you smile, huh?"

"Afraid so." he said, solemnly. His face only able to maintain a seriousness for a moment, before his ear to ear grin broke loose. "It's hurting my bad boy image."

Giggles rolled out of my throat before I could stop them. Girly little giggles as if someone had tickled me.

"You're laughing." He said, not making it a question. There was a faint hint of hurt behind his words that I wasn't sure was real or not, but it was enough to make me want to choke back the laughter.

"You're not." I said, trying to stifle the oncoming chuckles.

Watching my struggle, he lost his own battle with the giggles and before I knew it we were both rolling with laughter. Nothing was said that was that funny, but laughter sure beats the hell out of awkward silence.

*^*^*

One minute I'm upright and every hominid's bipedal dream, the next I'm flailing. In slow motion. That's how all the good and embarrassing falls happen, nice and slow. That way you have time to think about how much it's going to potentially hurt to have your face collide into the ground, how much it's going to hurt your pride to realize that someone else was there to witness the collision. Thankfully for me, my someone else didn't merely just witness my grace, he moved in, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me away from my gravity lesson.

Held up by only the strength in his arms alone, I should have been humiliated for what had almost happened. And maybe I would have been it wasn't for the fact that I was all too aware of how close he was to me. How close his naked upper half was to me. Nearly pressed flush against me.

It was a struggle, but somehow I managed to tear my eyes away from his chest to meet those emerald green eyes of his. Those kind, sweet, gentle eyes were locked on mine, his face so close now that if I took a deep breath I might have closed the gap between us.

That's when the front door opened. That's when Justin burst in talking loudly about something, as if we were all already in the conversation.

I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. He'd seen the two of us together and stopped in his tracks, his arms crossing at his chest, his mouth opening and closing but no sound escaping now.

He was giving me the boyfriend look. Not that I could recognize it from my own experience, but I'd watch enough Lifetime movies to know what it looked like. He wasn't pleased with what he was seeing. Realizing I was still in Richard's arm, I felt the heat rising to my face yet again as I pushed away, standing on my own two feet. I jogged over to Justin, wrapping my arms around him, feeling like I needed to make it right, even though I didn't feel wrong per se.

Justin reluctantly wrapped his arms around me, but eyes stayed narrowed in on Richard. Richard remained standing where he was, not moving for a few seconds. Finally a small smile and soft, short laughter that sounded nervous now where it had previously been joyous climbed out of the blankness of his face as he excused himself.

As much as I wanted to walk him to the door, I stayed in Justin's arms instead. Keeping my fake girlfriend loyalties in tact. But once I heard the door close behind Richard, I was quick to turn on Justin, pinching him in his sides. "You just had to come at that time, didn't you?"

I had started to move away from him, when he suddenly reached out for me--pulling me back to him, against him. In a sort of dip, my body weight supported by his arms, he kissed me long and hard as if he had to prove something. But what and to whom?

When the kiss ended, it was he who ended it and it was I who stumbled away. My grace never failed me as I bumbled my way to a seat on the nearest couch. I took a moment to collect myself from the unexpected heat of his kiss. I felt like I needed to recover, like I was in shock. And maybe in a tiny way I was, it was like there had been electricity there when our lips met. It was breathtaking in almost a scary way. I'd never felt anything like it before.

I wasn't sure I like that or not.

My mind was moving too fast, bouncing between the kiss and image of Richard's shirtless body so very close to mine. I still didn't know why he was shirtless, but truth be told I didn't really give a damn either.

When I finally looked back at Justin, he was standing in the same spot I'd left him, looking nearly bored as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And maybe it hadn't, maybe only in my mind it had been sensationalized. But luckily, I didn't get to ponder on it for too long, before Justin spoke up again.

"I can't let y'all get together so soon." He said, sounding almost apologetic. "I gotta make sure Janice is going along with the program first."

"Oh, so because your life sucks, mine has to, too?" I said, glad to find my voice wasn't shaky.

He didn't say anything for a moment, as if he was considering it. "Yeah," he finally nodded with the barest of smiles. "Pretty much."

"Whatever." I laughed, rolling my eyes. "What did you get me?" I asked, pointing to the shopping bags at his feet.

"I ain't saying she's a gold-digger..." he laughed, doing Kanye's lean back dance. And despite his return to oddness, I was definitely glad to see him acting 'normal' again. Serious Justin worried me. "Don't worry about it, nosey." he added, taking the bags and going off into the massive house to hide them away.

I stayed where I was seated on the couch, lounging in front of the TV—waiting until the weird one returned. "So what am I doing here?" I asked him as soon as I heard his footfalls nearby.

"That's just what I was about to ask you." he said, plopping down the couch beside me.

"Shuddup. You know you called me, begging me to come over here."

He scoffed. "Justin Timberlake does not beg."

"Okay, my bad. I meant, you know you called me, whining for me to come over here."

A broad grin skipped across his face, exuding a boyish charm. "Don't act like you don't like my company."

I guess it would have been pointless for me to deny that, considering how much time we'd been spending together lately. Where there was a party, a mall, a social event in general—there was Justin and I. Usually Justin followed by a forced and/or tricked into being there moi. I didn't enjoy shopping, partying or socializing in general, but that's not to say that I didn't enjoy spending time with him. He was so goofy sometimes—most of the time—that I spent most of my time just laughing at him, but letting him think I was laughing with him.

I'd even agreed to do things that I usually would have never done: hiking, canoeing, jet skiing. Justin was the adventurous type and he was trying very hard to get me to become his mini-me in that sense while I was trying very hard not to be. I didn't want one of his little adventures getting me on an episode of I Shouldn't Be Alive or When Animals Attack.

"Anyways, I did get us something though."

"Us?"

"Yes, us." He grinned and his smile worried me. He strolled away without another word to get whatever it was, returning minutes later with the mysterious something behind his back. "Close your eyes." he said.

I frowned. "Why?"

"Why not?" he frowned back, impatiently. "Just do it."

I watched him for a few silent moments longer, but eventually relented and closed my eyes. Hearing him fumbling with something, I really wanted to peek.

He must have noticed this because he was quick to say, "You better not think about peeking either."

Scoffing I said, "What, kind of fake girlfriend do you take me for?" I laughed, wanting to roll my eyes but not knowing how with them closed. "Of course I would never do such a thing."

A few more silent moments passed before he said, "Okay, open 'em."

Opening my eyes, I was expecting to be dazzled, but instead I saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"Oow. Aww." I said, unenthusiastically swooning for air and space. "You've outdone yourself this time, Timberlake."

Rolling his eyes, he stepped to the side, allowing the TV to come into view. Some animated movie was on. A donkey and a green monster were walking through the forest.

The was an expectant waiting pause in our conversation as Justin stared at me and I stared right back, before he finally cried, "It's Shrek!"

"Oh my god, you're right! It is Shrek!!" I squealed, eyebrows arched in confusion. "Who's Shrek?"

He sighed, his enthusiasm successfully derailed. "It's our movie."

"Okay," I said, still not completely over the fence as far as confusion was concerned. "So which one am I? The wise-cracking jackass or the ugly green monster?"

"Shrek's not a monster. He's an Ogre. That's me. Remember the onion, layer thing we were talking about a while back?"

I can't even remember what I had for breakfast so I'm gonna have to go with a 'no' on that one. "So I'm the jackass?"

"You sound confused." He laughed as if there was no other option. "You're the Princess. Princess Fiona."

"Clever." I smiled, shaking my finger at him. "With smarts like that it's no wonder your lyrics are so deep."

A half smirk crept up on his features. "You already got me, Sugar Pie. No need to butter me up anymore."

"Oh, I got ya butter right here." I smiled, shaking my fist at him playfully.

Yawning at me, I don't think he took my threat seriously as he leaned forward and gently, fleeting pressed his soft lips to my knuckles. "Later for that." He said, grabbing the remote and turning the movie on without another word.

The opening credits rolling now, he leaned back into the couch, his arm casually draping over me, behind my shoulders for a moment, before falling down on me and pulling me against his side. I was going to resist, was going to push away, but those 'was going to's, quickly turned into 'didn't do's when I realized how tired I was. Plus I had to admit that lying in a handsome man's arms wasn't completely uncomfortable, even if that man happened to be Justin.

The movie was more than halfway through and Justin had fallen asleep minutes ago. His head resting close to my shoulder as he snored softly. Hearing the doorbell ring, I sighed and tried to wake him up. All this did was cause him to settle down on the other end of the couch, still asleep.

Frowning at his sleeping form, I forced myself up from the couch to answer the door. Who would be ringing Justin's doorbell at this hour?

I glanced at a clock as I walked through the kitchen, finding that this hour was only seven-thirty-eight p.m., even though it felt so much later. When I opened the door, I was met with a very short man dressed with dark brown hair cut into a hobbit style, who was standing just outside the door in dark overalls that were paint splattered. He was carrying a package, so I assumed he was a deliveryman.

"Are you Fi?" He said, not wasting time with greetings.

"No."

The man looked confused. Lowering his head to check a piece of paper, he looked back up at me as if to confirm. "I was told specifically to deliver this to this address to a Fi."

"What I meant was I'm not Fi. I'm Fi-on-na."

Clearly not in the mood for this, the hobbit haired man sighed and shoved the small package into my hands. "Well, in that case, Fi-on-na. This is for you." He said, walking away but turning around momentarily to add, "And by the way, tell Justin that he owes me. Just say 'painting walls' and he'll know what I'm talking about."

And with that, the hobbit got into his car, which was definitely far above delivery man status, a drive off into the night.

Closing the door and walking back into the room where I'd left Justin, I didn't hesitate to shake him awake. "What is this?"

His face scrunched up into an immediate frown as he slowly opened his eyes, noticing me hovering over him. "I dunno, looks like a box to me." He said, rubbing his eyes.

"What did you do?"

For most women a small gift box brings smiles and giggles. For me it brings frowns and suspicion.

I was still staring at it like I hadn't quite ruled out the possibility that there was anthrax inside, when he said, "I didn't do anything, but accidentally fall asleep on the movie and then you started shaking me awake to ask me silly questions about boxes."

I silently watched him for a moment, before bringing the box to my ears.

"It's not a bomb." he said, rolling eyes. "Just open it."

I just continued to watch him for a moment longer. Realizing that if I didn't look away soon this was going to become a staring contest, I decided to just open the box.

"Why did you get this?" I asked, staring at the diamond heart necklace that lay inside the black box.

A slow smile broke out across his face as if he wasn't surprised by my reaction in the slightest. "That's the strangest thank you I've ever heard."

"Thank you." I said. "Now why did you get this?"

"Because every kiss begins with Kay."

"Commercial quoting, cute. But I know you didn't do this for a damn kiss. Now why did you get this?"

"If I said it was to show symbolically what you'd already done literally would you call me corny?"

"Depends. What is it symbolizing?"

"You've got my heart."

"In that case, yes I would call you corny and rightfully so."

He shrugged. "Then it's just something to tell Janice. She might not think it's corny."

I stared at him for a moment, something about him seemed different. Less than confident, maybe. Something was off. Frowning at the diamond heart necklace, I sighed. "Did I hurt your feelings?"

He laughed softly. Shaking his head, he said, "Does it make a difference?"

"Would you call me soft if I said yes?"

He quietly considered it, his deep blue eyes locked on me all the while. "No."

"Then, yes, it does make a difference."

He smiled broad and easy and as horrible as it sounds I think just the sight of it actually warmed my heart. He opened his arms to me and I just stayed where I was standing, watching him. "Sugar Pie don't make me beg." he said, fingers wiggling at me encouraging me to come closer.

I did.

Pressing his lips gently against my temples, he said, "Maybe I did get it just for a damn kiss."

*^*^*

There was a beautiful blonde sprawled across the bed.

"He's spoiling you." Janice said, laying on the bed, reading some women's magazine about how to get a man, how to keep a man, how to satisfy your man, how to lose yourself in every media imposed facade for the sake of a man.

Did I mention the blonde was female? Of course, it would be female. The last time I'd had a beautiful man sprawled across a bed was...

Actually, I'd never had a beautiful man sprawled across a bed. And with me being the guy magnet that I am, I'm sure this little revelation was shocking to say the least.

Hearing Janice's voice caused me to turn to look at her. For a moment, I'd forgotten that she was there. Which was strange since this was her room that I'd only come into to show off the new diamond heart shaped necklace Justin had gotten me and lay on the cheese about how this symbolized how I've got his heart. I did manage to stay focused on the task at hand long enough to tell her though, but I guess after that I'd gotten distracted by the necklace. The more I looked at it the more pretty it became. His heart around my neck? It sounded gruesome in a wholesome way, romantic. But hey, what did I know about romance anyways?

"I know." I said, still staring at my gift as it hung from around my neck through Janice's large vanity mirror. "Isn't it great?"

"Do you love him?"

Her question kind of threw me off for a moment. I'd been expecting her to gush about the present, to tell me how cute it was. For her to giggle for me and want to know all the details about how he'd given it to me and what he'd said as he did. Instead all I'd gotten was a reaction that was more typical me than her: slightly bored and unimpressed.

"Random." I frowned, watching her through the mirror now.

"Just answer the question." She persisted, sitting up.

My frown only deepened as I continued to watch her through the mirror, before facing her. "What difference does it make? Am I supposed to love him just because he likes to surprise me with everything from just him showing up places to this necklace? Am I supposed to love him just because he annoys the shit outta me, yet I can't think of a better way to spend my time than with him? Am I supposed to love him just because when I'm with him he makes me feel like I'm the most important person in his world? Am I supposed to love him just because of that?" I laughed. Of course I was pouring it on extra thick for Janice's benefit, because naturally I didn't mean a word of it.

Janice just rolled her eyes and picked up her magazine again. Pretending to read it. I knew she was pretending because she kept flipping through the pages too fast to be actually reading anything.

Finally she said, "Who do you think is cuter, Jude Law or Justin?"

Janice liked to play these stupid little 'Who's Cuter' games--it was like fourth grade all over again. All I needed was a bop magazine, a metal-mouth smile and an underqualified for the position training bra.

"Justin."

"Ryan Phillippe or Justin?"

"Justin."

"Okay." She nodded, pausing like she's about to give me a really hard one now. "Richard or Justin?"

I paused for the first time, wondering if this was a trick question. "Not even comparable."

"Why not? They're both hot." She said, flashing the first smile since I'd walked into her room. I guess even nice, happy, bubbly people didn't take too kindly to bragging. "Justin's hot in an obvious way. You just look at him and there it is--hotness. A total eye candy hottie. But Richard? His is more on a need to get to know him better basis. Yeah sure, he's cute. Kinda dorky at moments, but nevertheless cute. But not hot. Not like Justin. There's something about him though. Something I haven't quite put my finger on yet, but that Richard..." She trailed off for a moment with a spreading smile. "I think he's growing on me."

Defensive, protective and slightly annoyed--I was feeling all of the above about both of the aforementioned men so instead of continuing down that conversation road I changed the subject. Walking over to her high school wall of fame, in which she'd framed picture after picture of her accomplishments, my eyes settled on the one I'd stared at the most.

Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene

"I didn't know you were homecoming queen." I said, even though I did know. Not only because of the picture on the wall, but simply because one day not longer after I'd moved in she'd brought me in to 'share' as she liked to call it. A way for us to get to know each other better. Her 'sharing' shouldn't dangerously close to straight out bragging to me, but I'd listen. When dealing with someone who loves to talk, especially about themselves, there's noting you can do but listen. They don't really leave the option open for anything else anyways.

And even though I knew we'd gone over every picture, every story behind the picture, I knew all I had to do was mention them again and she'd retell it as if it was the first time.

There’s no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin, perfect hair

"Yeah and you'd probably be surprised to know that I wasn't a shoo-in to win." She said, smiling. That was humility at its best for her. I wanted to be annoyed, to roll my eyes and wonder why I'd allow myself to be friends with someone so conceited. But thing is she's really not all that conceited, looking at her she has a lot of reasons to be conceited. Long tanned legs, beautiful Colgate smile, and the combination of blonde hair and blue eyes that, that right there would have been enough for most guys. Plus she has this energy. This bopping, excited, always glad to see you energy. I would say it's contagious, but since I've never caught it either I'm strongly immune to it, or it's just something she unconsciously uses to lure suspecting y-chromosomes carriers to her.

Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside she's ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous

"I was also class president." She said, easily moving along onto the next picture. Beauty and a fully functioning brain some bitches have all the luck. "I think that's what I'm most proud of. Yeah, I was a cheerleader too." She said, pointing to another picture. "Head cheerleader. But since I was never attracted to the jocks I had to get involved with something that wasn't a popularity contest, y'know? Something that someone with more than the right looks could achieve."

I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her

You see what I'm dealing with here? An ex-head cheer freak, homecoming queen and class president to boot. You know what I did during high school? I wasn't one of those cool anti-social types who dress in all black and smoke in the bathroom. No, no, I was even better, I was a band geek. A band geek who sometimes fell in with the drama nerds. A band geek, sometime-y drama nerd, who spent her free time with a camera attached to her right hand snapping pictures at random and a paintbrush attached to her left.

She is the prom queen; I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader; I'm sittin' in the stands
She gets the top bunk; I'm sleepin' on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door

And the worst part was that I didn't even really fit in with the band geeks, drama nerds or artsy fartsy types. I rejected the labels and did my own thing, which roughly translated to sitting alone at lunch with fewer friends than a new kid on his or her first day.

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent

Even the damn new kids were quick to dismiss me because I didn't fit into the social hierarchy the way everyone else seemed to, so that I wouldn't have been much help for them to find their own label.

She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutant
Everything that you want

I tried hanging out with non-conformists for awhile, but eventually gave up on them when I realized that 'anarchy' was just a word on their shirt because they didn't really have a clue what it actually meant. Besides to hang with them meant I was going to have to conform to their ways of thinking life and 'the man' who was ever suppressing their suburbia dreams, which is pretty fucked up if you think about it.

I don't know why I'm feelin' sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishin' that I was someone else

I guess I must have spent too much time in my own thoughts, because the next thing Janice said seemed completely out of nowhere. "Can I see your gift?"

"What gift?"

"The one you're wearing." Janice explained patiently as if I was some slow child. "The one Justin just gave you."

I get a little bit, she gets a little more

Handing the necklace over to Janice, I watched her as she inspected it. Pulling it close and then pulling it back, close then back, back then close. She tilted it to the left and right and I watched her do all this, completely confused. The next thing she said didn't help my confusion so much as it added to it.

"Richard." She said, handing me the diamond heart necklace back.

She's Miss America

"What?"

"For who's cuter, Richard or Justin." She said, as if I just should have known that, that was what she was talking about.

Understanding what she was saying but hoping that I was wrong, I repeated, "What?"

She's Miss America

"He's cuter." She smiled, flashing that infamous man-crippling grin. "Not at first glance. But if you look long enough, he is."

I didn't say anything to that, because I didn't know what to say. Instead I continue to stay standing near her high school wall of fame. Still smiling she walked away and once was I standing alone I finally came back to my senses long enough follow her and to cry, "What?!"

I'm just the girl next door...

*^*^*
"And she said, what?"

It was lunch time. So naturally that translated to Justin and I being at our usual spot in PF Chang's. Luckily and very surprisingly, Martin wasn't here. There was probably an asshole convention that he had to rush off to attend.

"You heard me."

"Damn," he sighed.

"Told you some shit like this was going to happen."

"Bu-but...when? How?"

"Two good looking people forced to hang out for long enough..." I sighed, reaching for his drink since it was the only alcoholic beverage at the table. "It was bound to happen."

He snatched drink from me, but when I raised my eyebrows at him, he simply said, "You're underage."

"You didn't worry about that when you were trying to get me drunk at Paris' party."

He just smiled, faintly—a slight curl of lips, but made no comment about it before repeating, "You're underage."

"And you're wasting my time right now." I frowned, watched him a sip from the Budweiser he'd denied me. "What are we going to do about this? And naturally by we I mean you."

He didn't say anything for a long while and then he suddenly jumped up and said, "C'mon."

With a frown settling down onto my features, I didn't move, just stared at the weirdo. "I know you have the attention span of a three-year-old. But let's focus here."

"I'm focused."

"No, you need to focus your ass back down into that chair. We gotta think about this. Come up with a plan to fix this."

He did sit back down, but as far as brain-storming a plan—that was a no go. So I finally just said, "You know what I think our problem is? I think we've been going about this all wrong. I mean, sure we had to make it believable that we were a couple. But guess what? Mission accomplished. I think it's time for a little less you and me and lot more me and Richard." When all I got was silence, I added, "And you and Janice."

He still wasn't saying anything. Suddenly his menu had gotten pretty damn interesting. "You're not looking at me. You're not talking to me." I sighed. "What's wrong?"

Those sea foam blue eyes rolled up to meet my everyday brown eyes. "Nothing's wrong. I agree."

"You agree?" I made it a question, not because I didn't understand but because...yeah, shit, because I didn't understand. Justin never agreed with me. At least not so easily. Plus he looked deflated, like I'd popped his happy bubble, which normally wouldn't have bothered me. Except that I hadn't meant to do it, so damn it, it bothered me.

He nodded.

"Then say something."

His frown was immediate and strong. "Just because I'm not talking doesn't mean something's wrong. You're always talking about how I talk too much. Enjoy the silence."

"How can I enjoy it with you pouting over there?"

A pleased smile grin curled the edges of his lips. "I didn't know you cared, Sugar Pie."

Instead of rolling my eyes and denying it, I felt a spontaneous grin cut across my face. Shaking my head at the realization that I actually did care, I frowned and said, "Shut up and let's order."

He watched me from over the top of his menu for a moment, before finally calling the waitress over. It wasn't Charlene this time. I guess even she had to take a day off.

Listening to him order for the both of us, I didn't know why he'd even bothered with the pretension of looking over the menu. He knew what I liked. Just like I knew what he liked. It wasn't that hard to figure out, we ordered the same thing pretty much every time. At least I did, he occasionally switched it up and would try to make me do the same. Said I wasn't spontaneous enough. Said I lived in routines and order too much.

This coming from the same man who has at times planned his time out down to the minute.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he said smiling softly, as he nudged me from under the table with his knee.

Watching as he slid a penny my way, a little smirk took hold of my lips. "Do I look cheap to you?" When he opened his mouth to answer, I was quick to cut him off with a laugh. "Don't answer that."

His smile grew an inch on each side, but he didn't say anything—just stared at me silently.

It didn't take long for my good ol' buddy self-consciousness to make an appearance. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

He frowned and brushed an invisible something off his face before motioning for me to do the same to mine. We went back and forth like this for about a minute, but he sighed, getting to feet, walking around the table to stand in front of me.

I'd been close to him before. I'd even gotten almost used to it. But for some reason, I was extra aware of his body so very close to mine as he leaned in to brush whatever it was away from the edge of my mouth. He leaned back slightly, as if the small distance would allow him to check to see if it was really gone.

"Did you get it?" I asked and even to me my voice sounded breathy, but I didn't know why.

"No." He said, already leaning into me, his single word breathing warm against my skin. I shivered and he kissed me, a light brush of lips. He deepened the kiss long enough to get me to lean into him, then he pulled away abruptly. Taking his seat again, he said, "I got it."

I didn't have a clue what 'it' was or even if it was really there to begin with, but I was almost certain he'd gotten it.

I wasn't sure I liked that or not.
____________________________________
This chapter features: Saving Jane - Girl Next Door

Chapter 12: Take That Leap
I fought you for so long; I should have let you in.
Oh, how we regret those things we do.
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin.
But so were you.
—Relient K "Be My Escape"

Justin and I hadn't spent more than an hour alone together in nearly a week. I think he was taking the 'a little less you and me' thing a little too far, but I didn't say anything. He was giving me space. I appreciated it.

There's times where I want something more

In the meantime, without Justin to fill my time I realized just how much of my time he'd been taking up. Now that he wasn't around as much, suddenly I had time to spare, waste and kill—it was almost annoying. But I'd asked for it, so I appreciated it.

Someone more like me

Since I did have a lot more time, I'd been spending it with Richard. Calling him up to do random things. Run errands. Watch TV. Go to the movies. Just...chill. It was nice. Being with Richard was nice. I didn't laugh as much as I did with Justin and when I did laugh it wasn't the same. I was still nervous with him. I don't ever remember being nervous with Justin. Maybe the difference is when it comes to Richard I care. Not to say that I didn't care at all with Justin, but the caring kind of snuck up on me one day—I just turned around and there it was clinging to my back: this annoying caring-ness. Gradually growing into it though, blocked the nerves, the jitters of trying to be impressive. Worrying that you're constantly making a fool out of yourself, which then in all likelihood creates a perfect atmosphere to have that happen. Over and over again.

There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete

Plus, Richard was smarter than your average bear. I'm not saying Justin rode the short bus to school or anything, but I'd never discussed anything of depth with him. At least not if you didn't count our great debates on life (Did Jennifer Aniston ever stand a chance against Angelina Jolie?) and politics (Is Condoleezza Rice really getting it on with Mr. President?). With Richard I felt like I needed to read more, like I wasn't cultured enough to really talk to him about anything. But he was a good listener, a good teacher; he wasn't the type that made you feel like you're dumb, even if you really were. He explained things without being condescending. I liked that about him.

What I didn't like is that when he wasn't with me, he was spending a lot of time with Justin. I know, I know, they're friends. That's a key part of this whole deal. But it's gotten to the point where it's almost like Justin is ignoring me, but going out of his way to spend time with Richard. Maybe so then that's a little less time I can spend with him? I don't know, but what I do know is it's annoying as shit and I want it to stop.

But I couldn't say anything of this, because whenever I called lately, he didn't answer. Whenever I came over, he wasn't home. I'd only seen Sadie once this week, when the dark-haired hobbit delivery man had dropped her off at my door unexpectedly.

Opening the door and watching as the furball leapt at me, tail wagging excitedly, I stared at the man whose legs Sadie had run in between. "Fionna, right?" he said, again making no attempt at greetings.

I almost smiled at the fact that he'd remembered to call me Fionna, instead of Fi. Almost. "Yeah," I said, my voice coming off more bored and annoyed that I'd meant for it to.

"I was told to bring the hairy one over to your place."

"You always do what you're told?"

A frown started to form on his face, before an easy smile took its place. "Only when it benefits me." he said, still smiling. He looked nicer that way--less angry short man complex, more relaxed.

I wanted to ask him how this was benefiting him, but decided to ask a more important question, I had a feeling the hobbit wasn't one to like being questioned very many times. "How is Justin?"

The frown was back. "I'm not supposed to tell you."

"What do you mean you're not supposed to tell me? I'm his girlfriend, why can't I know how he's doing?"

The grin was back and I'd almost prefer him to go back to frowning. "So you are his girlfriend." he laughed and the noise sounded strange coming out of his mouth. Not weird or creepy, it sounded like he laughed a lot, but from what I'd known of him that was hard to believe. "He could have sworn on a stack of bibles that it was true and I still wouldn't have believed him."

It was my turn to frown. That sounded suspiciously close to an insult to me. "Why's that?"

"You're not his type." he said, simply, bluntly. Before I could take offense, he said, "That's not a diss against you. The man just has strange taste. He says he's an ass man, yet all he dates are skinny, curveless broads. I mean, yeah, sure Britney had a little somethin' somethin', but little is the keyword. You've got nice curves. Something for a real man to grip."

If I wasn't offended before, I was definitely offended now. "Isn't there a bridge you should be hobbling under telling stupid little riddles?"

He raised his hands in a mock surrender. "I'm sorry." He said, his eyes still glittering with teasing laughter. "Everybody's always telling me that I talk too much for my own good." He did laugh out loud that time. "I just came to drop off the hairy one." He said, turning and walking away without another word.

"You never answered my question."

"What was that?"

"How is he doing?"

He watched me for a moment, his smile falling back into a stoic line. "I'm just the deliveryman, you're going to have to ask the bossman that yourself."

I didn't bother with mentioning that I'd already tried that, but 'the bossman' was ignoring me. After the hobbit had driven away, I spent the next four hours playing dogsitter. And I hadn't realized it until she was back in my house, her white fur clinging to everything she'd come in so much as ten feet contact with, that I had missed the bitch.

At exactly the four hour mark, my doorbell rang. Half-way opening the door, I saw Richard standing on the other side and couldn’t help but smile. Opening the door a little wider, I saw Justin standing just behind him. I stopped smiling.

Tearing my attention away from Justin, who appeared to be successfully ignoring my existence, I gave Richard a hug without thinking. That’s just how Richard and I greeted each other. When my eyes met Justin’s again, I couldn’t read them. He was moving towards me now and for some reason I felt a little nervous. I hadn’t really seen him all week and to now have him so close, moving in for a hug—I felt annoyingly anxious.

Just when I had expected him to lean in for the hug, he instead brushed past me, into the house calling to Sadie.

But, you see the colors in me like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're...

I hesitated for a moment. Just standing there in the doorway, doing a mental recap of what had just happened. I know that fool did not just brush past me! When I turned around, he was smiling and hugging on Janice. There was nothing nervous about him and usually he was a bumbling idiot around her, but now he was just a-talking and laughing and making her laugh. What the hell was so funny?

Determined that I was going to find out, I said, "Justin, can I talk to you for a minute?"

You're something else

"For a minute, yes."

I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes and somehow managed not to go off on him. But once we were safely two rooms away, in the kitchen, all bets were off.

"What's up with your deliveryman?"

He smiled a lop-sided grin. "You mean, Trace?"

You're really lovely
Underneath it all

"I don't know his name. I don't even know if the man can say hello."

He was still smiling and it was starting to piss me off. "I'll tell him to be more polite next time."

You want to love me
Underneath it all

"Next time? You can't even be bothered to see me for all of the two seconds it takes to drop the bitch off?"

His smile vanished and mine sprung up. "You know I don't like it when you call her that."

"And I don't like being outright ignored for no good reason."

He sighed. "I thought you said you wanted space. I'm giving you space."

I rolled my eyes. "I said, 'a little less you and me' not no, you and me."

I'm really lucky

His smile was strong and immediate, but this time there was no sarcasm, no bitterness behind it. It was just shiny and new, like a virgin. Sorry, after the shiny and new bit, I couldn't help but go there. "So it's true. You missed me." he said, he didn't make it a question and I didn't like that.

Underneath it all
You're really lovely

"What do you mean 'so it's true'? Did the hobbit tell you that lie?"

You know some real bad tricks

His grin was spreading across his pleased face, but he didn't say anything this time. Just opened his arms and wiggled his fingers.

"No," I said, shaking my head, arms now crossed against my chest. I felt a very three-year-old style pout forming on my lips.

And you need some discipline

"C'mon, Sugar Pie." he said, his fingers still wiggling. "I don't need anyone to tell me to know you missed me. It was written all over your face when I walked through the door and past you. You wanted the hug. Now take it."

Dropping my hands to my side, I rolled my eyes. "This is ridiculous." I said, turning to leave. But apparently, turning my back to Justin was never a good idea, because as soon as I had, he was all over me. His arms wrapped around my waist from behind, pulling me against him with a sigh as his head rested on my shoulder. I wanted to shrug him off, roll my eyes and be annoyed, but...

But, lately you've been trying real hard

Goddamn it! I really must be sick.

And giving me your best

"Aww, the lovebirds are kissing and making up."

I turned at the sound of the voice, just as Justin planted a gentle kiss just behind my ear. With his arms still around me, he turned with me. Janice and Richard were standing by the door. Janice was smiling at us. She'd been the one to say it. Richard was smiling too. But like Janice, he tended to just smile a lot. He wasn't making eye contact. His eyes seemed to be looking just above our shoulders.

You're really lovely
Underneath it all

Justin gave me one more soft kiss to my temple this time as he opened his arms, releasing me and leaning against the counter. I turned back to him to see if this was some kind of test. Like it was my turn to the embrace him or something. But his face was calm and pleasant. There was no scheming going on as far as I could see.

You want to love me
Underneath it all

Janice and Richard continued to stand in the doorway, smiling, wordless. Justin continued to lean against the counter just behind me. His face pleasantly blank. I seemed to be the only one who was uncomfortable in the silence. I didn't know if I should have moved away from Justin and stood closer to the middle of the floor. Or stand closer to Justin, as my fake girlfriend ties would dictate.

It felt like I was choosing sides. But neither side was willing to help me decide. Just when I had given up trying to figure out the silence and the plastered on smiles, Sadie burst into the room, with all her idiotic energy. The attention nut couldn't stand long without being the focal point. She bounded past Richard and Janice as if they weren't even there. It was only when she'd gotten over to me and as I was leaning down to pet her that she turned around and noticed them. A low growl tumbling out of her little mouth.

She'd never really warmed up to Janice or Richard. She tolerated Janice occasionally, but every now and then she'd let Janice know that she still wasn't on the favorite's list with a bark here, growl there. Richard, she didn't see him too often and whenever she did, she would nearly throw herself into a fit with all the barking. But luckily today, it was just a growl.

Justin stepped up beside us now, leaning into Sadie, scolding her gently. "Stop that."

Sadie turned her dark, dark nearly black eyes to Justin for a moment, before looking at Richard and Janice again. A small, barely audible bark escaped.

"Sadie..." he warned.

Sadie didn't even look at him this time; she just kept her eyes on the other two.

"I don't understand why she still doesn't like me." Janice said. She sounded almost hurt about it. "I've always been nice to her."

I shrugged. "Sadie doesn't like very many people. She's more likely to bark and growl at someone than wag her tail."

"Like Mama, like daughter."

I turned to glare at Justin, but he simply raised his hands in surrender. "It wasn't me."

"Okay, Shaggy."

He laughed, standing back to his full six-one. "Really it wasn't."

"Then who was it?"

"Me."

I turned to the new voice, finding Richard still standing in the kitchen doorway with a small smile on his face. I just shook my head. "I expect little snide remarks like that from Justin, but you..."

"It wasn't an insult."

"It wasn't a compliment either."

He consented to that with a slight nod as he moved further into the room. Sadie let out an immediate series of barks, letting everyone know she wasn't happy with the situation. Richard stopped moving, Sadie kept barking.

I looked at Justin, expecting him to step in again and hush the furball, but he was looking at Janice. I glanced over at Janice to see if she was watching him too. She was. A smile lop-sided grin was tugging at her lips, her eyes were even smiling. Those mofos were flirting silently. Who does that?

Better yet, why weren't Richard and I doing that? I glanced back over at Richard. He was even closer than before. Close to touching distance. Sadie's barks had gotten frantic, like she hadn't chosen between flight or fight yet and knew she was running out of time.

Richard took another slow step forward as if he couldn't hear Sadie. Maybe they'd all suddenly gone deaf, 'cause it didn't seem like anyone but me was hearing her. And the barks were too loud and annoying not to be heard.

Justin was still smiling at Janice. Janice was still smiling at Justin. Richard was still watching me and taking steps closer. Two more and he'd be close enough to touch with teeth or hand, depending on Sadie or my next moves.

The situation was getting a little too weird for me. I didn't know what Richard intended to do when he was standing practically on top of me, with my fake boyfriend standing right there. My fake boyfriend who at the moment only had eyes for my good friend. My good friend who was shamelessly watching my fake boyfriend—who as far as she knew was my real boyfriend—the way a woman watches a man she wants to make no qualms about that she wants.

She wanted Justin. Justin wanted her. Richard seemed to want me. Everything was going just according to plan. So why was I suddenly pissed off and wanting to kick everyone out the house?

I'm really lucky
Underneath it all

Just as Richard took his second to last step, Sadie made her decision. Fight. The barking stopped just as soon as the screaming started. That broke everyone out of their little dream worlds, quick. Sadie's little mouth was practically gnawing on Richard's ankle. Richard was cursing and trying to shake her off. But the bitch was determined not to be shaken. She'd warned him. She'd made her decision. The fight was on.

It was only when Justin stepped in, trying to unclasp Sadie's jaw from Richard that I realized that I'd been watching like a common bystander at an accident instead of making moves to help the situation. After a little struggle, Sadie was in Justin's arm and Richard's ankle was free. He was still cursing, but when he rolled up his pant leg to check the damage nothing looked too bad. Minor nicks. Her teeth hadn't really gotten past his jeans. It was nothing a band-aid or two couldn't fix.

He wasn't cursing anymore, but rather had settled for quiet brooding in a nearby chair while Janice rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for something. I didn't know what she was looking for and maybe neither did she, but I guess she just felt the need to be doing something. Rushing around aimlessly was doing something. Not much of something, but something nevertheless.

Finding the band-aids, I walked over to where Richard was still pouting. After the cursing, he hadn't said anything. I pushed up his pant leg and stared at the tiny wounds. Even up close they still didn't look too bad. Sadie would have been disappointed. I poked at one of the wounds to see if it was bleeding at all, since nothing was flowing down his leg to make it obvious. He immediately jerked his leg away.

"That hurts." He frowned down at me.

He was so angry, but angry looked so cute on him that it took all I had not to smile. Smiling would not have been good right now. "It's not that bad."

"It's not that bad? The bitch attacked me."

A frown settled down on my features. "Don't call her that."

"That's what she is."

"So am I, but I still wouldn't want you calling me that. Let's not be redundant."

A few seconds later, Richard was all band-aided up. Justin had disappeared somewhere with Sadie. When I looked around, Janice was gone too. That brought another frown to my face. Suspicious, who me?

"I'm sorry."

I turned to look at him. He was still seated at one of the chairs. "About what?" I said, confused.

"I shouldn't have called her a bitch."

I laughed. Short, amused laughter bubbled out of my throat. "Richard, you are too nice for words."

He frowned. "Was that a compliment?"

"Maybe." I shrugged, still grinning at him.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe." I said, my grin still very much in place. "But only so you won't press charges, of course."

Finally a smile broke loose across his face, lighting up the room. "Of course."

Before I could test out this whole silent flirting thing, Justin strode back into the room.

"Where's Sadie?"

"In your room."

"Alone in my room?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Alone in my room, free to get into anything she wants?"

He nodded again, as if he failed to see the problem with this. "Yeah."

"You left an attention needy bitch alone in my room." This time it wasn't a question.

"I thought calling her a bitch was redundant?" That was Richard.

I hated it when people used my own words against me. Taking a second to glare at Richard, I turned back to facing Justin. "If she tears anything up, poops or pees anywhere but outside. I am going to have to hurt you."

He smiled, slow and easy. "Is that a promise?"

Justin was moving into my space now, I didn't know if it was a challenge or an invitation. It felt like an invitation. I let him keep moving. When he was within touching distance, he stopped and just watched me.

"You know I hate star—" and that was all I could get out before his lips met mine in a rush. It almost felt like they couldn't get here fast enough. The approach may have been rushed, but the landing was slow and deliberate. He pulled away slowly, leaning back in a few times to pull my bottom lip into his mouth. When it was all over, I was breathless and energized at the same time.

You're really lovely

He went back to watching me, his arms safely at his sides. A small grin skipping across his face. "You taste different. Is that a new lip gloss?"

I just nodded—too afraid to open my mouth, because I had this strange sensation to giggle. And I do not giggle.

"I like it."

He was still watching me and in a couple more seconds it was going to turn into a staring contest, if one of us didn’t speak up soon. Which basically meant it had to be me, because Justin was looking pretty damn content with just staring. Breaking into the silence, I said, "Where's Janice?"

He shrugged. "I thought she was still in here, with you."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but that was when Janice came rushing back into the room. "I found it!" she announced happily. "I found my first aid kit."

"That's nice,� I said. “But he's already gotten medical attention."

"Really? From who?"

"Nurse Fionna poked at the wounds then put band-aids over them." Richard interjected.

"Nurse? Why can't I be Doctor?" I frowned. "Band-aids are tricky. One false move and that would have been it. I practically risked your life to save it."

"And for that I shall be eternally grateful." He laughed, that joyous laugh that made me feel like now matter how close I was, I could never get close enough to him.

"So I destroyed my room looking for this for nothing?"

I took a moment to consider it, before nodding. "Yeah." I laughed. "Pretty much, yeah."

"I'll help you clean up." Justin offered.

She watched him for a moment, but before shaking her blonde head. "No, you just want an excuse to be in my room."

Justin just laughed at that and all the answer you could possibly want was right there in that laugh. I could feel my smile slipping away and I let it go with a sigh. I wasn't mad, I didn't have any reason to be mad. But I wasn't happy either. I didn't know what it was, or why it was happening, but I wanted it to stop. This sinking feeling in the pit of my gut whenever those two flirted in the slightest, I needed that to stop. Right now.

This fucking deal was messing with my head.

*^*^*

Fionna was just like one of the guys. Except that I never really forgot that she was a female. I guess what I'm fumbling to say is that I'm comfortable around her. I don't feel the need to overdo things, to be impressive, to be anything more than what I am. Besides, it would be pointless even if I did try. She's not one to be easily impressed. Well, at least that's what I always thought until Richard came along. So maybe he's the exception to the rule.

She didn't feel the need to be impressive for me either. Her constant jeans and a t-shirt wardrobe and take me or leave me attitude hinted very strongly at that. But I'm not so sure that it's because she's comfortable with me, or just because she really could take me or leave me and it wouldn't make a difference.

She did at least try to improve herself for Richard. Other than generally being nicer to him, she dressed better when she knew he was going to be around. It was like out of nowhere her closet had birthed skirts. Seeing her in a skirt she hadn't been forced into, shocked the hell out of me the first time. She didn't really appreciate my reaction to her new style.

I don't even know why I had started in on the length of the skirt, which was slightly less than mid-thigh or the size, which was snug enough to hug her curves. I want to blame it on the fact that I'm just used to her dressing in looser fitting clothes that leave much to the imagination. Having everything—or just a lot more than usual—on display, I dunno...

She kept telling me that I wasn't her real boyfriend. That I was taking this whole fake boyfriend thing too far. I tried to tell her that I was just being a friend. That this is what friends do.

She had kindly said, "Fuck off, friend."

I hadn't said anything after that. I was mad—actually pissed was more like it, and I didn't understand why I was getting so heated over what she wore around Richard. Sure, you're thinking the reason is obvious. But it's really not. Because I don't like Fionna in more than a buddy, pal kind of way. And yeah, sure for the most part she fell into the 'one of the guys' category, but when she pulled shit like that—all I could see was female. Exposed female. I tended to be overprotective of the females in my life, which often led to sad memories like my mom calling me a cockblocker.

My phone was ringing. Glancing down at the number, I sighed. "Hi, Mom." I hadn't talked to my mom in a while, but I wasn't in the mood for the drama.

"Hey, sweetie." She said, her voice sounding unusually upbeat.

"Why are you so happy?"

"You're old momma isn't allowed to be happy?"

"Sure you are. It's just...kinda weird."

"Well, when you spend the night with a tall, dark and wondrously flexible man, who doesn't mind experimenting...you'd sound a little happy too."

"Ma..." I groaned. "The bad memories...let's not add this to that."

She laughed, softly. "Sorry, baby. Sometimes I forget that my new sex life makes you squeamish."

"Your old one did too."

She laughed again, but this time the laugh sounded different, nervous almost.

"Ma, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She snapped. Defensive much?

"Have you talked to dad lately?"

"Yeah, you could say that. We've..." She said. "We've talked."

"About what?"

"About things." She snapped again. "About grown folk business things."

"Okay, okay. Geesh."

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm just..." She sighed. "I'm happy, but I'm pissed at myself for being happy. Does that make any sense?"

I nodded before realizing she couldn't see me. "I understand it's like me and—"

"And the thing is it would have never happened if I hadn't taken that fourth drink. I shoulda known what he was doing. I'd been married to bastard for too many damn years to not be able see the signs. A little booze, some soft music..." She let her voice fade into oblivion. "I did know. I knew the second before I knocked on the door. I knew what he was going to try to do. I knew I was going to let him do it. He missed me. I missed him." She let out a noise that sounded somewhere in between a laugh and a strangled cry. "That was the best sex I've had in months. And believe me, I've been having a lot. But I can't do that again. I won't do that again."

I tried to ignore the fact that this was my mother telling me intimate details about her sex life with my father. I tried very hard not to add another bad memory to the list. "If you're happy, then what's the problem?"

She laughed. It was pure sadness. "Let me stop talking about this mess. I think of you as my best friend so much that sometimes I forget you're my son too. And there are some things a mother just shouldn't share with her son. Grown son or not."

I can't say I disagreed with her on that, so I didn't say anything at all.

"So how's Jackie doing? You hollering at her yet?"

I just laughed and shook my head. "Janice is fine. And no, I haven't hollered at her yet, per se."

"Well what in the hell are you waiting for? I ain't getting any younger. I need some grandbabies to settle my fast ass down. But I better not catch you on no, ‘You are...not the father’ episodes Maury be having."

"You don't have to worry about that."

"Why not?" She sounded suspicious now. "Boy, have you been lookin' for a few good men?"

I frowned. "I'm not gay, Ma."

"Mmmhmm."

"I'm not!"

"Then lay some pimpin' down. Lay some pipe. Do what you gotta do. A lil' booze and soft music will probably do the trick." Her voice was still teasing, but I know her mind was somewhere else. Somewhere else that I as her son would undoubtedly not want to follow. "Hey, I don't got all day to be sittin' around talkin' to you. I got a date with this toolman. Said he was gonna bring his tools over to play. Long, hard tools."

"Ma..." I whined.

"Sorry, sorry. That was a mother/son line crossing moment."

"Ya think."

Did I say that out loud?

"Who the hell do you think..."

Cutting her off, I was quick to take my turn apologizing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"Mmmhmm. You sound just like your father now." She said and just as I thought I heard a sniffle from her side, the phone went dead. She'd let the dial tone say her goodbye.

Women. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. I would have called my dad to talk about this subject in general, if it wasn't for that fact that we'd never been that close. Ever since I'd decided to join MMC, he'd acted different towards me. I think he was mad because mom was always following behind me, leaving him at home alone. Before I'd ever considered joining MMC, he'd been her world. Sure, she loved me. I was her son. But she loved him, in that deep down, no words for, man-to-woman grown up love way. It's not to say that she stopped loving him after she began to chaperon me around the world. She just wasn't around like he was used to. So he began to make other plans. Sometimes three and four different plans at once. One time the plans found out about each other.

I'd spent that evening locked in my room, wondering if I called the police, would my mom be the one getting dragged around in cuffs. She'd been the loudest, angriest voice of all. I only knew that she'd started to get violent, when I heard my dad repeating, "Stop hitting me, Lynn." That was quickly revised to, "No, don't throw that!" and it wasn't long before that one turned into this one, "Baby, baby. Please. Put the knife down."

My mom didn't play around. Not when it came to her family or her heart. And she'd felt like he was spitting on both.

Women. You can't live with 'em, but piss them off enough and you won't live without 'em.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at my door. Opening the door, I found Fionna standing outside. Her curly shoulder length hair had been straightened. Her jeans and a t-shirt must have been dirty because she was wearing some khaki capris and a v-cut pastel colored shirt, which gave away a teasing display of cleavage.

"You ran out of skirts for Richard?" That sounded snide, even to me.

Fionna was unperturbed. Shrugging, she said, "I figured a skirt wouldn't leave much dignity after I'd plunged to my death."

Did I mention we were going to go bungee jumping? My idea, of course. Fionna was quick to say no, but once her precious Richard was on board she'd changed her mind. She was willing to jump off a bridge for this man. If that wasn't overdoing it, then I don't know what is.

"You're not going to die." I said, rolling my eyes. "There's about two in one million chance of death."

"Tell that to Trevor."

I frowned. "Who's Trevor?"

"WILL...YOU...MAR-RY..." She trailed off, as if that explained everything. She must have noticed that I was still lost, because the next thing she said was, "Fresh Prince. Hilary's boyfriend proposed to her by bungee jumping on TV. He never finished because his face had become one with the pavement by then."

"But that's a TV show."

She shook her head, looking very solemn. "It was a warning to black folks."

I laughed, shaking my head at her. "Whateva, let's go."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to keep death waiting."

"Or Richard." I added in, without even thinking.

She just rolled her eyes and walked out ahead of me. But hey, at least she wasn't talking about dying anymore.

*^*^*

“This is it.�

“Yeah.� I nodded shakily, glancing over the edge. We had decided to do it in pairs. Justin and I. Janice and Richard. I hadn’t been pleased with the pairing, but when I was supposed to be Justin’s girlfriend it would have been a little odd if I fought being paired up with him.

“You ready?�

“Is anyone ever ready to die?�

He chuckled, loud and carefree, as if we weren’t just about to jump off a damn bridge with just a cord to stand in between us and the pearly gates.

“Aren’t you scared at all?� I asked, staring up into his big tranquil blue orbs. “And even if you aren’t, couldn’t you just pretend to be a little afraid? Just so I don’t have to worry about your sanity and can completely focus on my current lack thereof.�

He laughed, his hands making small circles on my back. “It’s gonna be alright, Sugar Pie. The worst part isn’t even the fall.�

“Then what is?�

“What happens after.�

He stared at me for a long silent moment. I wanted to look away, was going to look away, but there was just something in his eyes…something that worried me, scared me, excited me that held my gaze. This wasn’t a staring contest, but if it had been I would have lost. Looking away first, I did the one thing that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do: I looked down, way past over the edge.

I would imagine that falling in love is quite like falling over the side of a bridge with an elastic cord strapped to you. I would have never been able to do it, unless given at least a slight push. And then once I was falling, tumbling down to what I assumed would be the end of me, I clung for dear life to Justin, screaming the entire way. Cheek to cheek, we fell together. Screaming, but feeling strangely alive. I’d never felt so…free.

Ain't no feeling like being free
When your mind's made up
And your heart’s in the right place, yeah

There was this thrilling sense of invincibility and independence, while at the same time my entire life depended on one cord. One cord to snap me back up just before my body collided smack into the ground. I didn’t trust the cord, but he did. He trusted enough for the both of us. And I somehow mustered up enough trust inside of me to trust him. And we fell that day. Fell faster and harder then I’d even fallen before. And I’ve taken some pretty hard falls in my life, but never anything quite like that.

Ain't no feeling like being free
When you've done all you could
But what's misunderstood
(It's all good, it's all good)

The oddest thing was, despite all my screaming, all my death lock clinging to him, I enjoyed myself. I was calm too, with just his arms around me, the wind whipping past us, and a cord strapped to me for safety. I was calm.

Ain't no feeling like being free
I'm like an eagle set free
And finally I'm looking out for me

It wasn’t until we were hanging at the bottom, upside down, staring eye to eye, his lips getting closer by the second that I realized: he was right.

Ain't no feeling like being free
Cause my mind’s made up

The worst part isn’t even the fall.

And my heart is in the right place, yeah
___________________________________________
This chapter featured: No Doubt - Underneath It All
Destiny's Child - Free

Chapter 13 (take one): On The Right Side
Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.
—William Shakespeare


"Hide me."

The door of the trailer I’d been lounging in opened and Justin came rushing into the room, slamming the door behind himself as he pressed his body up against the door. His heaving chest indicating that he’d been running.

Black Snack Moan, the porno sounding movie that wasn’t a porno, was mere days away from being wrapped up. I personally was glad that it was almost over. Spending hours upon hours cooped up in a trailer wasn’t exactly my idea of fun.

Looking up from the page of a new Laurell K. Hamilton book I was sitting on the couch reading, I frowned at him. "Hide you? Where? And why?"

"Anywhere. A closet. A big box. Under the cushion you're sitting on. I dunno, woman! Just hide me!"

He sounded so frantic, so panicked—I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Not that I was trying to help it. "So I guess you're the one who flew over the cuckoo's nest."

"Fionna..."

And in just that one word, I knew he was serious. Too serious to bother with messing with me by calling me anything else but my name. "Oh, Lord. What's wrong? Who's after you?"

"Not who. What." He vaguely answered, his eyes bouncing around the room now.

"What? What are you looking for?"

"Somewhere to hide." He said, annoyance hedging into his voice as those sea blue eyes rolled and he continued to look around for that elusive hiding place.

I started to pick my book back up and ignore him. I started to and probably would have succeeded if nosiness hadn’t gotten the best of me. "What's after you?"

"Ricci." He hissed. "Keep your voice down."

"Ricci? Christina Ricci—the poor woman you're always avoiding?"

"Poor woman?� He nearly laughed when he said it. His face looking at me incredulously. “Psychotic, delusional, general pain in my ass, would all be better ways to describe her."

"Now that we're past the linguistics." I said. "Why are you hiding from her?"

"For the same reason I'm always hiding from her."

Rolling eyes, I shook my head. Christina had a crush on him. True, the crush was a tad bit on the obsessive side, but he’s a grown man, you’d think he’d have found a better solution than running away to hide. Although that probably makes me sound like a hypocrite considering how if I hadn’t handled my problems like that in the past then my present wouldn't involve sitting in a pop star’s, who’s trying to be movie star, trailer on the set of his new movie. I would have never met him. I would have never met Janice or Richard. There would have been no deal, no complications.

See, what running away gets you?

A whole fucking new set of problems, that’s what.

"Why don't you just tell her that you're not interested?"

"Don't you think I have? I've tried! It's like it goes into her ears, takes a wrong turn, gets lost in her delusions and winds up registering in her brain as me trying to play hard to get."

Laughing, I said, "Your little hide and seek game is making you hard to get though."

"But I'm not doing this as some kind of way to encourage her to come onto me harder. You know how she calls all the time?"

"Yeah."

"Now she shows up at my house."

"When did she start doing that?"

"A few days ago."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I figured you'd just laugh and wouldn't be any help anyways."

"Thanks for that vote of confidence." I frowned. "So what happened when she showed up?"

"It was probably around four or five in the morning. I had been groggy as shit and could barely put one foot in front of the other. But when I saw her on the other side of the door, I woke the fuck up. Quick." He said, shaking his head at the thought. "When I saw her through the peep hole, I thought, well at least she's just on the outside, so I can pretend like I'm not home or something. But as soon as I started to walk away from the door, she starts yelling. 'I know you're there! I heard your footsteps! Come and open this door! Stop playing! It's cold and out here and you're being ridiculous.'

"I'm being ridiculous. She had the nerve to say that. So I figured I had one of two choices, either leave her there where maybe one of my neighbors will hear her crazy ass and threaten to call the police on her if she doesn't leave or call the police myself. 'Cause she didn't seem like she was gonna leave without a police escort. But then, like a dumbass, I started to think about how bad that would make her look if the press out a hold of the fact that she was stalking me and got arrested outside of my house for it. So instead of calling the police, I only threatened to call. She called my bluff. So she wound up inside the damn house.� He said, shaking his head again.

"She comes in and the first thing she does is head straight for the kitchen. Like she lives there and knew where everything was and felt entitled to the shit. She had the nerve to offer me some of my own fucking food."

"Did you ask her why she was there? What did she want?"

"Yeah, I asked her. And she looked at me like I was stuck on stupid for, seriously, for two minutes. Then finally she rolled her eyes and said, 'I didn't know a girl had to want something just to come over and see her man.' The attitude shocked me more than the words. She fucking blew my mind with that one. So I'm just staring at her, right. Trying to figure out just how crazy this bitch is. And trying to remember where was the last place I’d put the phone. And then suddenly all the anger disappears and she smiled this big ol' smile, like she was seeing me for the first time in years and she'd missed the shit outta me."

"I'm all for cursing. But could you try this story without it?"

"I only curse when I'm upset. But whateva, I'll try. For you, Sugar Pie." He said, gently cupping my chin in his large hand as he pushed his lips up into a phony bright smile. But since he was willing to joke around, at least I knew he was relaxed now. "So she was smiling. I was still trying to figure out where the phone was. Then she said 'I know what's wrong with you.' And before I could say anything, do anything—blink."

He paused then. Just stopped, letting his words fade off into oblivion. "And then what?" I prompted.

A slow grin spread across the length of his face. "Good, just making sure you were listening. Your eyes looked a touch glazed over."

"I'm tired." I said, and just the mention of being tired reminded my body of that fact and I instantly yawned. Loud, long and completely unattractive—but those were always the best yawns though.

"Why are you so tired? Did something keep you up last night? Or should I change that 'something' to 'someone'?" His eyebrows rose with unwarranted suspicion as his arms crossed against his chest.

"Shut the fuck up and get on with your lame ass story."

He frowned, but it didn’t reach his playful eyes. "Oh, so you get to curse, but I can't?"

"Ya damn skippy." I nodded.

"Anyways, so the next thing I know, her coat was falling. I don't know why I didn't notice it before. But all she had on that I could see was a trench coat. It dropped to the floor."

"Eww. She was naked?"

"Naw." He shook his head. "Thankfully, my vision was spared that sight. She just had on a wifebeater and some boxer shorts. That's when I noticed she was wearing some dirty pink fuzzy slippers. Her hair looked like if it could talk it would say 'Comb? What? Shampoo? Oh, hell no!' I don't know how I missed all that at first. But then I don't know how I let myself think that letting her crazy ass in my house was better than having her carted away in a black and white."

"So, she's standing in her country bumpkin sleepover gear. What happened next?"

"I told her she had to go."

"And let me guess, she threw a fit."

"Naw. She surprised the shit,� He paused. “I mean, she surprised the mess outta me and just looked at me like I had hurt her feelings and then said 'okay.' And walked herself to the door."

"And that was it?"

"Yeah, that was it."

I let a few moments of silence go by undisturbed before I laughed, long and hard enough to need to wipe tears away. I couldn’t help it though, I could just picture the whole thing and it looked too damn funny to waste by being sympathetic.

He pushed out a long stream of unamused air through his parted lips. "I knew you'd laugh. It's not funny."

Seeing him pouting now, didn't help me to stop laughing. "No, it's not, but..." I had managed to hold the laughter back for those few words, but the absurdity of it all and the look on his face sent me right back to hyena chuckling in his face. "Oh, god. Yes, it is. It's fucking hilarious."

"Stop cussing."

"Stop pouting."

When I finally got my laughter back under control, there was nothing but silence. I nudged him. "What are you thinking about?"

He raised serious blue eyes at me. "About how I need to get a new girlfriend."

I just chuckled.

"You even laughed at that." He scoffed.

"I'm sorry." I said, sobering slightly. "You know it would break my heart, Honey Bunch, if you found a new Sugar Pie."

A smile crept out the left side of his mouth. "You know you're the only Sugar Pie for me." He said, pulling me against his chest, where he couldn't see me roll my eyes. "So what are we going to do?"

"We?" I frowned, pulling away from him. "I think I need to clean out my ears, because I think I just heard you say some shit like 'what are we going to do.'"

"Your ears are clean. It's your mouth that's dirty."

I frowned. "Shuddup," was my clever comeback, to which I took it up a notch with a playful shove.

"So you aren't going to help me?"

I shrugged. "Not if you think I'm going to ride in as the jealous girlfriend come to piss on her territory."

"Okay. How about less pissing, and more jealous girlfriend?"

Rolling my eyes, I said, "How about you just tell her you're mine."

"How possessive of you." He smiled. "But I've already tried that. So what else you got?"

"She didn't care that you had a girlfriend?"

"I don't think she'd care if I had a restraining order against her." He shrugged. "I don't think she really believes that you're my girlfriend."

I frowned. "Well, what the hell do I have to do to prove it? Fuck you in front of her?"

"Fi, I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff." He smirked.

And I did my best not to frown or roll my eyes, since he’d be expecting that. But where my first two reactions were stifled, my usual grumpiness found its worm hole nevertheless through my tone. My voice deadpanned as I said, "I'm not. And you know my name, so try using it."

"Let's say you did do this." The bastard was still grinning at the thought. "That still doesn't prove that you're my girlfriend."

"Well, there's not exactly a girlfriend certificate I can go out and get. So if she doesn't believe you when you tell her, then how do we get her to believe it?"

His smile grew at my use of 'we'. "Easy." He said. And as soon as he said it I knew I wouldn't like what he would follow it up with. "You tell her."

"That sounds very jealous girlfriend style to me."

"So what? Your big, strapping, ridiculously good looking, debonair..."

"Get on with your point." I said, cutting him off and rolling my eyes. "If you have one."

"The point is, I'm your boyfriend and your position as my girlfriend is being threatened. So you don't have to be the jealous girlfriend, you just have to be the girlfriend."

"I am the girlfriend. But what you want is for me to piss on my territory."

"What's with you and this pissing thing, R. Kelly?" When I rolled my eyes, he smiled. "All you have to do is act like a normal girlfriend and step in and let it be known that I'm your man and you don't like to share. Especially not with psychotic bitches. And if that leads to a harmless catfight...and if I just happened to be there when the shirts get ripped off, so be it." He shrugged as if that was some hardship he'd bear for my sake.

"Stupid." I shook my head with a tiny hint of a smile. "Just stupid."

There was a knock on the door then. Justin got strangely still, like an animal does when the predator comes around. The freeze and hope like hell that whatever is after you needs their eyes checked game doesn't always work in the wild. Let's see if it works for Justin.

Walking over to the door, I glanced back at him with a smile. His jaw dropped and he immediately started shaking his head, while simultaneously looking for someplace to hide. I was going to open the door and let whoever it was inside. And he knew it.

I let three more knocks go by, just enough time for Justin to decide his best bet would be the closet. Trapped in the closet. The gay rumour-ers would love that.

Pushing the open with a flourish, I smiled down at the woman who stood with her hand posed to knock again. At the sight of me, she frowned. After receiving that warm hello, my usual frown surfaced.

She glanced at me, then at the trailer. Then at me again. With her brow wrinkled in confusion, she finally said, "Isn't this Justin's trailer?"

Lawd, and here we go. "It is."

Her brow wrinkled furthered. "Then what are you doing in it?"

"I'm his dog-sitter."

"Then where's the dog?"

She had me there. I should have known where Sadie was. And usually I did, but she was really bugging me today so I'd just let her wander the set alone for awhile. I mean, what harm could she do?

Don't answer that.

I watched her for a moment. Finding that glint in her eyes disturbing enough to make me change my mind on letting her come inside this trailer after all. It would have been fun to mess with Justin like that. But I make it a rule not to mess with crazy people, if it can be avoided. "Do you have a message you want me to give Justin when he comes back?"

"When he comes back?" She laughed, but there was nothing nice about her laugh. Then again, I was starting to think there was nothing nice about her. "Listen, I know he's in there. And we can do this one of two ways, you can either move out my way voluntarily. Or I can move you out of my way involuntarily."

Decisions, decisions.

If she kept talking like this, she was going to make the decision for me. And I'm almost certain she wasn't going to like it very much.

"I'm telling you he isn't here."

"And I'm telling you, you got about five more seconds to get of my face, before I..."

"Before you what?" I said, moving in closer, staring down at her from my 6 foot to her 5’4�. "Since you know so much, I'm guessing you know I'm his girlfriend."

She rolled her eyes, like that was the dumbest lie I could have thought up. That pissed me off. "Yeah, he might have mentioned something about having a girlfriend. But I'll be damned if he would pick someone like you, over someone like me." She rolled her eyes up and my body with so much disgust that I couldn't help but feel like this was all strangely familiar.

Ah, yeah, I remember. It's high school, all fucking over again.

"And just who the fuck are you, bitch? If you don't get away from me right now, I'm gonna make you look like the snaggle toothed hillybilly that your Hollywood makeover did little to hide."

That was when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I was slightly lifted up into the air, just high enough that I didn't have any footing and dragged back into the trailer.

Justin was apparently done hiding. Once he'd gotten me out of the doorway. He stepped in between the two of us. He must have felt me when I moved up behind him, because he turned around and fixed me with a glare that even I had to back down from. When he turned back to Christina, the bitch was grinning.

I was ready to set it off, but before I could make any moves, Justin said, "Don't." He wasn't looking at me, but I knew he was talking to me. He didn't turn toward me, but his hand reached back, open palmed. He stepped to the side, making room for me to stand beside him. I guess he realized I wasn't the type of girl to just stand behind a man and wait.

He turned to look at me, when I had neither taken his offered hand nor stood beside him. His fingers were wiggling. I almost smiled.

Taking his hand, I stepped up and stood next to him.

"Christina meet my girlfriend. Fionna meet my stalker."

Ricci didn't find that humorous, but I did. Grinning at her, I said, "I would say that it's nice to meet you, but I think we both know that would be a lie."

She rolled her eyes, sucked her teeth, shifted her weight back and forth, but suddenly she'd run out of things to say.

"There's only so many ways I can say this.� Justin started with a sigh. “I tried doing it nicely, but apparently that doesn't work. So here it is again. I'm not interested. I don't want you. I don't like you, not even as friends. I want you to stop calling me. You’ve already made me have to change my number twice. Stop showing up at my house. Stop stalking me, it's not going to change anything but force me to get the police involved. And I don't think you want that."

Sighing, she nodded her head. This defeated side of her almost made me feel bad for her. Almost.

"So that's it? It's over?"

She nodded again. Her eyes never lifted from her feet. She was pathetic incarnate.

"Okay." he said, I could feel him relax beside me as she turned and walked away. He really thought it was over.

I wasn't so sure.

*^*^*

"You know, I really don't think is necessary."

There was a bed in between us. Justin’s bed. It was late. After twelve, not quite one, late. I wanted to go home. He wanted me to stay. We’d been arguing about this for a few minutes, but I guess he’d decided he was going to win this one, because he was already rummaging through his drawers looking for something for me to sleep in.

What he found was his oversized white t-shirt that I was holding now. He can't seriously think I'm going to sleep in this and this alone, can he?

He frowned at me. "So you don't want to wear anything to bed?"

"Of course I'm going to wear something. But it doesn't mean I'm going to wear this to your bed."

"What's mine is yours. I thought we went over this."

"Yes, we did. But I still don't see why I should have to start spending every night over here just because Ricci might or might not make an unwanted guest appearance."

"'Cause I might need someone to kick her ass if she doesn't leave peacefully." He smiled at me, before chuckling. "I've gotta say, you surprised me. I didn't know you had the jealous girlfriend in you."

"I wasn't being the jealous girlfriend, thank you very much. She insulted me."

"So you had to fight her over it?"

I glared at him, but his unfaltering smile caused me to lose grip of my frown. "So I lost my temper. You didn't have to come to my rescue."

His eyes were still sparkling with laughter. "I wasn't riding in to save you. I know what your punches feel like when they’re playful—I was definitely saving Ricci from you."

We both laughed then. Laughed until we cried. The whole thing was ridiculous. But it seemed that so many things in life often were ridiculous and if you didn't stop every once in awhile to laugh at it all, it would surely drive you insane.

"This is your side." He said, pointing the left side of the bed.

"Oh, so I can always wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

He shrugged. "Wouldn't want you to lose your edge."

I watched him climb into his side, the right side. I didn't move.

"So giving me a side in your bed, that's a big deal isn't it?"

Pulling the covers up around him, he rolled his eyes at me and rolled onto his side. His back facing me, he said, "Do you want to make it a big deal?"

"No."

"Then get in bed." He said, patting the empty side of the mattress.

"But it is, isn't it?"

"You have a side in my bed, so you can go to sleep."

I watched him for a moment longer, before sighing and heading into the bathroom to change. Just because I was wearing the damn shirt didn’t mean he’d won yet. The stupid shirt just barely hit at mid-thigh. I was going to have to be careful how I slept tonight.

Walking back and sitting down on the edge of the bed, I stared at his turned away form. "So it doesn't mean anything? Nothing at all?"

He sighed, rolling over onto his back. He watched me for a long silent moment. "Do you want it to mean something?"

"Why do you keep asking me stupid questions like that?"

"Why do you keep lying when I ask you stupid questions like that?"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't even want to be here."

"Yet,� he smiled. I couldn’t see it, but I didn’t need to—I just knew that that satisfied grin of his was there. “Here you are. And you're happy to be here." When I opened my mouth to protest, he shook his head. "Just c'mere."

"What?" I frowned.

He smiled. "You heard me."

I watched his fingers wiggle and rolled my eyes. "It's not going to work this time."

He just kept them wiggling and I just stared at him. I understand that I was rolling my eyes, but I didn't understand why I was moving toward him. His fingers had stopped wiggling, but that was only because he had me right where he wanted me.

"I thought it wasn't going to work this time?"

I didn't have to look at him to know that he was smirking. For once I didn't say anything, I just continued to lay where I was with my head against his chest.

"Your heart is beating a little fast."

"You excite me, can't you tell?"

When I immediately started to jump away from him, his arms tightened around me. "I was joking."

"So I don't excite you?" I said, no longer struggling.

He sighed. "This is one of those lose-lose conversations."

"Let's not have it then."

"Okay." He said, resting his head on top of my own, his arms still firmly around me. His fingertips making small circles on the soft skin of my arms.

"Not even a little bit?" I turned my head up slightly, my head sliding under his chin.

His head turned down slightly, a tiny smile just barely curling the edges of his lips. "Is this us not having the conversation?"

Licking my lips, I sighed. Was I really turning into that girl? That girl who had these stupid kind of conversations with her boyfriend, arguing over things that don’t need arguing? "Yeah." I said, rolling away to my side of the bed.

"Are you mad now?" His voice sounded closer than it should have been, since I had moved away from him. I hadn’t felt the bed move, but it still seemed like he’d gotten closer.

"Why would I be?"

"I never thought I'd be having this fight with you.� This time I did feel the bed move. He was closer, but I didn’t need the shift of the mattress to know that. He felt closer, like parts of him were hovering over parts of me. Him and his ever wandering hands undoubtedly. “Yeah, sure we fight a lot. But this fight..." He trailed off and I felt his hands settle down just behind my back, not touching. But I’m sure he was thinking about it.

"We aren't fighting. I'm not mad."

The bed shifted again. He was moving away. "That's why you're all the way over the there?"

"All the way over where? I'm just on my designated side of the bed. You didn't expect me to stay on top of you all night, did you?"

When he didn’t answer right away, I turned to look at him. He smiled and even the darkness couldn’t dim its brilliance. "A guy's gotta have dreams."

I laughed, but stayed where I was.

"Is this our first real couple fight?" He asked, propping his head on his hand.

"We aren't fighting." I said, resisted adding that weren’t a real couple either—he always seemed to get bent out of shape when I said things like that.

"Yeah, and you aren't mad. So you've said."

Rolling over and giving him my back again, I said, "Thanks for the recap."

He was quiet for all of five seconds, before he nudged me and said, "So why does it feel like we're fighting?"

I frowned. I hadn’t done that in awhile, so it felt like it was about that time. "Since when does a guy want to talk about feelings?"

"Fine, if you don't want to talk about it. We won't."

"Good."

"Great."

"Wonderful."

"Fabulous."

"Perfect."

He hesitated. "I got nothing."

I laughed. "That means, you lose."

"I thought we weren't fighting?"

"We weren't, but you lost just the same." I said, rolling over and facing him again.

He stared at me, his deep blue eyes searching mine in the darkness. He reached for me, his hand coming toward me. I flinched, he smirked. Forcing myself to relax, I stayed put. His hand lingering in the air just above my face for a moment, before gently tucking a loose strand of the often wild curly brown mess I called my hair.

"You shouldn't straighten it." He said, still fingering my locks, softly, thoughtfully. "It looks better curly with the way it frames your face."

"So says the man that shaved all his off." I said, running my fingers over his head where the curls were fighting their way back, slowly yet surely.

"I like yours. Not mine."

"Curly-head people want straight hair, straight hair people want curly. Everybody wants what they can't have."

A slow smile curled his lips. "So what does that mean? I can't have you?"

"Only if you want me."

He was still watching me, but even in the darkness I could tell that his smile had gone down a peg.

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

My mind went blank for a few seconds as silence slid into the cracks. Suddenly whatever I was going to say that had made me call to him, was gone. Just like that. Blank. I was fumbling trying to remember what to say, his eyes still on me was making me feel—strange. I wouldn’t say nervous, maybe just uneasy. I wanted him to look away, but I settled for being the one to do it. Turning my gaze to the ceiling, I said the first thing that came to mind. "This feels like a sleepover."

"What?"

The confusion in his voice might have made me smile if it wasn’t for the fact that I was still fumbling with my thoughts. It doesn’t make sense why I’m so jumbled all of a sudden. Not just from some little attention from Justin. Justin didn’t make me nervous. Half-naked Justin lying next to me in the dark, in his bed didn’t make me nervous. Half-naked Justin lying next to me in the dark, in his bed, late at night talking about how he could possibly want me—me, who the only thing that stood between me and just laying there in my underwear alone was one of Justin’s t-shirt wrapped around me, making him feel close even when he wasn’t…

Yeah, dammit, that made me nervous. "It feels like a sleepover. You know, you asked me to come stay the night. Then we both crawl into bed and do more talking then sleeping." I was rambling. I knew I was rambling, so I stopped.

I waited for his laughter. His sigh. His something. Nothing came.

"You awake?"

"Yeah."

"You don't agree?"

"No.� he finally said, after a few moments had passed. “It's a grown woman and a half-naked grown man in bed together. That's not a sleepover."

I shrugged and plunged ahead, ignored the half-naked part. "All we need is some bunk beds. Or sleeping bags. Some snacks and scary stories to tell. Your mom to come in here and tell us both to shut the hell up."

"Let's just go to sleep."

"Is that your way of telling me to shut the hell up?"

He groaned, sitting up now. "Are you trying to drive me crazy or are you just so good at it that it just happens all natural?"

He was climbing over me now. Every piece of naked flesh he could touch, brush against me—he did. I would have been aware of his body with him just hovering over me, but the extra touches. Added extra sensations, thoughts.

I realized almost too late that my right hand was headed in the wrong direction—dangerously close to running my fingertips over the tempting ripples of his abdomen. He was doing this on purpose, I’m sure. He was trying to prove something. I wasn’t quite sure of what that something was, but I’d be damned if I proved him right.

Licking my lips, I forced my eyes to stay on his. "This doesn't happen in sleepovers."

"This isn't a sleepover." He leaned into me, his lips hovering over mine. His breath hot against my skin. We brushed lips. Soft. Gentle. Sweet. Just a taste.

I sighed and he deepened it. Hands started to wander over skin eyes couldn't see. But feel—yes, we could feel anything. Everything that we wanted. And we wanted to feel everything.

Eve-ry-thing.

There was a ringing.

"Do you hear that?"

Brrrr-ing, it’s reality calling Fionna. Please pick up.

"Hear what?"

"That ringing."

"Hearing random ringing noises,� He shook his head with a gentle frown wrinkling his brow as he softly stroked the side of my face. �is the first sign of becoming deaf."

"Boy, shut up." I laughed, hitting him upside his head. "It's your phone."

"And you couldn't ignore it?"

I watched him, trying to read his face as best I could in the darkness of his room. My chest was still heaving slightly. I hadn't fully caught my breath. Him still hovering over me wasn't helping matters.

The ringing seemed to get louder, as if annoyed that it was being ignored.

"Are you going to get that?"

"Ugh." He sighed, taking two of his fingers and pushing them against my forehead. "You're a punk for teasing me."

I just smiled in the dark and listened as he answered the phone.

"Hello?" He said. "Who is this? What did I tell you before about this? Why am I not surprised? Yeah, she's here. Right next to me. In bed."

Then the phone was suddenly being pushed into my hand. "She wants to talk to you," was all he said. Taking the phone, I sighed. "Hello?"

And that was as far as my side of the conversation went as I listened to Ricci bitch me out about being in her man's bed. I don't know how much further her side of it went, because my fingers were on the end button too quick for all that.

"Thanks for handing me the phone." I said, punching him in the shoulder.

He just chuckled. "That's why you're here."

"Oh, coulda fooled me. I thought I was here to be molested in the dark."

"It's not molestation, if you enjoy it." He said with a little too much confidence for my liking and I could just feel the smile in his voice.

"Bet you say that to all your victims."

"Most women wouldn’t complain about it like you do."

I almost reminded him that I wasn’t most women, but I didn’t. Figuring if he didn’t know that by now, there was no use wasting my breath with telling him. "Whateva. So what's your type anyways?"

I felt his head turn to look at me. His head was touching close to mine, our bodies shoulder to shoulder. "Since when did stuff like that interest you?" He sounded amused like he wasn’t far from laughing at me.

"Who said it interested me? I was just asking a question. Conversation and whatnot. And you're just avoiding answering it."

He didn't say anything, but I just knew he was smiling. Rolling onto his side, he took away the body contact between us. Propping his head on his hand, his wandering hands found their way into my hair again, getting lost and tangled but not seeming to mind. "I usually go for the ones that seem perfect for me on the outside, but are the worst match on the inside. I get caught up in big smiles, pretty eyes, curves, and style—the way they walk, talk. But when I try to look deeper, I usually find that there isn't anything past that interests me. I want a real connection, you know? Not just a warm body to hold onto on cold nights. There needs to be a functioning brain with it too."

"So in one word, Janice."

His hand stopped moving in my hair and slowly pulled away. His head returned to its previous position, lying down beside mine. Shoulder to shoulder. "You could say that."

"I did say that."

Pinching me in my side, he said, "What's your type?"

A list of adjectives ran through my head—a lot of which surprisingly could have been used to describe Justin—but only one word came out. "Richard."

He sighed. I felt him shifting around in the bed, like he was moving closer to the other side of the bed, closer to his right side and further from my left. Before he'd completely slunk off, he leaned over me, his lips brushing the cool skin of my forehead. "Goodnight, Fi."

Chewing on the inside of my mouth, his scent still lingered near my nose, floating up from his shirt which I was wrapped in—I didn't even bother with correcting him.

*^*^*

Individually his features were nothing special. But together, arranged as they were, they were often nothing short of spectacular. Especially when he was asleep. That's when I could feel that damn L-word creeping up on me the most. Late at night, when my insomnia had gotten the best of me, I'd lay awake and just watch the soft light that had seeped through the blinds from the night traffic and street lights fall over and under his face, draping it in shadows, before revealing it again.

And it never failed to provoke me to crawl out of bed, root around until I found my camera. Snapping a few up close shots of his face. I'd pull back slightly to catch the arm that fell casually to the left side of his face, gracing his forehead, slightly covering his closed eyes. His legs were always twisted into some impossibly uncomfortable looking position and I'd pull back even more to capture that.

I don't know how many nights I'd done it, but I thought I'd always been pretty discreet about the late night photo shoots. Until one day, when he let me know I wasn’t nearly as sly as I thought.

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes

“What do you do with all those pictures?� He’d asked casually over coffee one drizzly afternoon.

“What pictures?� I asked back, blowing gently on the nasty brew that would be the only thing standing in between me and narcolepsy.

“The ones that you take when you think I’m sleeping.�

I'm tryin’ to keep my cool
I know it shows

I could feel the slow burn of red as it crept into my cheeks whilst I nearly burnt myself with the coffee I’d been attempting to sip. “You knew about that?�

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

“Yeah. The flashing light was kind of annoying at first. But I got used to it.� He smiled. “So what do you do with them?�

“Nothing much.� I shrugged.

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect

His eyebrow rose. “Nothing much? Or nothing at all?�

Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it

“Mmmm, this coffee is pretty good for being overpriced designer coffee that comes at the expense of some poor farmering family in a South American country, that’s getting exploited for a crop that is ruining their soil from overproduction. Just so schmucks like me can sit in Starbucks and say “Mmmm, this coffee is pretty good for being overpriced…�

Laughing, he nodded. “Yeah, I got it.� He cut me off with a smile. “So what do you do with the pictures?�

Since when do guys listen? Since when do they actually want to have a conversation with you that doesn’t involve you naked at the end? But maybe that was what this was all leading to, in one way or another; maybe he just learned a long time ago that the easiest way was to take the less traveled back roads. Not a straight shot, but less stops.

It don't do me any good, it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind

“I told you.� I started with a frown, realizing that rambling hadn’t deterred him so maybe annoyance verging on anger would. “Nothing.�

If it ain't comin’ out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

“Nothing at all?�

If I could say what I want to say

He seemed disappointed by my answer. I smiled, took a few slow sips of my coffee and finally asked, “What’s wrong?�

I'd say I want to blow you—away

“I thought you were going to use it in some exhibit of yours or something that’s all.�

“Well maybe I would if I was lucky enough to have an exhibit to show my stuff in.� I said, allowing for a drinking pause followed back a look around the room pause. “Why didn’t you tell me before that you knew?�

“Cause then I knew you’d stop.�

My first instinct was to frown up my face and ask him why he even cared. But my second instinct won out. So instead I wound up merely staring at him. Studying the face I’d taken so many late night photos of. Deep down, I knew that the real reason I’d been taking those pictures at that time. It wasn’t because that’s when he looks his best. He was one of those annoyingly good looking people so I’d be hard pressed to select a single moment and say ‘yes, this is the best!’

Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?

Night was the best for me because he was asleep. Or at least I assumed he was since he’d never done anything until today to show me otherwise. Night was the best for me because I felt safe in the shadows. I could smile at him and he’d never know. Whisper how handsome he was. How good he smelled. How…

If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down—on one knee

Shit, if he’d been awake enough to know about the pictures then…

“Did you ever hear…�

“Did I ever hear what?� He asked. Those piercing blue eyes of his glancing up from his coffee daring me to say what I’m sure he’d been wanting to talk about since he’d brought the subject up in the first place.

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble like I've got nothing to say

I hesitated, wondering if I was just playing into his hand. I wasn’t the kind of girl he usually went for. I wasn’t the one he wanted. So why…why bother?

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect

Why bother with extra feelings, emotions, thoughts and phrases that tie you up into things that are messier than you’re able to clean up? Why say things that in just a few words response another person could break you? Why put yourself out on a limb you were almost certain wasn’t going to be able to support your weight? Why…

Cause I know you're worth it

“Nevermind.�

…try when all you’d ever been good for was failing?

You're worth it—yeah

__________________________________
This chapter featured: Avril L. “Things I’ll Never Say�

Chapter 13 (take two): On The Right Side
"If you love someone you say it. You say it right then, out loud. Or the moment just passes you by."
–My Best Friend's Wedding (movie)

“Did you ever hear…�

“Did I ever hear what?�

I was waiting expectantly for her answer. Hoping that she’d tell me all things I wanted to hear. Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered with such things, because the chances of being disappointed were too high to gamble against. But I could see the truth just behind her eyes, peeking out occasionally, before ducking away again in the hopes of not being spotted. And even if I wasn’t completely sure I’d seen it, I knew for sure I’d heard it. Late one night…

I rolled over careful not to roll over onto him. I wasn’t quite used to sharing a bed with him, but just liked he’d said, I’d started to get used to it. And that’s what worried me. His familiarity. Comfortable thoughts were starting to form in my silly little head, probably because he was too close—clouding my better judgement.

I didn’t want him. I wanted Richard. His often solemn, completely intellectual, slightly on the nerd spectrum of dress, mature friend. Certainly not Justin’s video game playing, practical joke committing, clown self. Certainly not Justin’s sweet, sentimental, affectionate, thoughtful, loveable self. No, he was just a means to an end—a detour to Richard.

Right.

I nodded to make sure my head and heart were on the same page again. Thirty minutes later, I was still awake. Sleep was teasing me. And all I had done was lie on my side and study the snoring one beside me. He had nine freckles on his left shoulder, at least from my angle. He smacked his lips occasionally in his sleep, before licking them.

He’d murmured something once and reached for me but when I retreated he cuddled with the pillow instead, a small smile playing on his thin lips. And despite the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, I refuse to be jealous of a pouch of feathers in a pillowcase.

Deciding this was more pathetic than the time when I’d cried over Buffy’s death at what I thought at the time to be the end of the show, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and forced my eyes elsewhere. When I started to slide off the bed, he stirred causing me to inadvertently freeze like I’d stolen something. His hand darted out to me, finding mine, he clasped it in his, slowly linking our fingers together as he murmured my name.

“Justin, you awake?� I whispered, even though I could tell by his shallow breathing that he’d still been asleep. Asleep or awake, he always seemed to feel the need to keep his hands on me lately. I’d hated it at first, but now I only hated the way it made me feel. That fluttery, slightly light-headed, giddy feeling that tingled over me whenever he touched me—annoyed the crap out of me.

“You’re not playing fair now.� I whispered, resigning myself to staying in place on the bed beside him. I could have sworn I saw a sly smile dance across his face with the soft shadows the streetlights had cast on him. “I hate you.� I murmured, watching his perfectly still face as I sank back into the bed. “But mostly, I hate that I don’t really hate you. The emotions tend to be stubbornly running one way, no matter how hard I try to beat them the other way. And I hate that. But not you. Even though it’s your fault.� I sighed, my eyes wandering the line of exposed skin from his neck down to his lower back where the sheets began to keep his modesty in tact. If it was just lust I felt when I looked at him, then everything would be a lot easier. Just lust I could deal with it—learn to deal with—it was the more, the extra that worried me.

“All your sweetness has infected me, I think. Eroded perfectly good steel walls and the ones you couldn’t destroy, you simply snuk by with your Trojan horse ways…� I whispered, my voice fading off into silence as my mind wandering into Trojans of a different variety. Feeling heat raise into my face I sighed. “I don’t love you, so you don’t win. I don’t even really like you.� I said, my fingers running through soft curls that had managed to grow back in the last few weeks. “So love is out of the question, right?� My eyes were watching his lips. Lips that I knew just how soft they were from experience. “Right. Damn right.�

He stirred and my body tensed, only relaxing when he’d finally stopped moving, having repositioned himself closer to me, his heavy arm draped over my stomach, curling me to him. “And even if I did, it would be so small an amount that it would be insignificant.� Scooting toward him a little, I carefully laid my head on his chest. “Okay, maybe minorly significant.�

And just when I think I’m about to get her to finally say how she feels out loud in the sunlight, I heard the one word that has ruined many a conversation.

“Nevermind.� There was a drinking pause, followed by a looking around the place pause, finished with what seemed to be a thinking pause. “I’ve been hyping you up a lot to Janice lately. I think it’s only a matter of time before she’ll be putty in your hands.�

“I don’t want putty.�

Her eyes asked ‘What do you want?’ Glancing elsewhere before mine could say ‘You.’

I should have said it out loud. Just told her how I feel so she’d know she wasn’t alone. But when I opened my mouth, hers opened too. Both of us trying to talk. Neither of us succeeding.

My tongue felt heavy and dry, picking my coffee back up I must have drank it a little too hastily because the next thing I knew my tongue was burnt and I was crying out in pain. She was laughing. I wanted to be mad at that, or at least frown, but when I heard myself laughing right along with her that’s when I knew.

I could tell this woman anything from the most mundane to the most embarrassing, but right now in this moment with my palms moist, my heart doing acrobats and my tongue which was normally so deft at moments like this becoming suddenly daft—I knew there would still be a while before we’d climb out of this lull of ‘the things I’ll never say.’

Chapter 14: Make Believe
“One question: Do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care.�
—Say Anything (the movie)

“Do we really have to go to this party?�

I was lying on my back, face up and staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. Fionna was lying on top of me, her head tucked under my chin. She hadn’t moved or said anything in so long that I was beginning to wonder if she’d fallen asleep on me.

She laughed. “There’s a party going on and you don’t want to go?� Rising up just enough to look at my face, she frowned and touched my brow with the back of her hand. “Are you feeling okay?�

Grinning, I pulled her back down on top of me. “I just think we could find something more…� I paused, letting my hands, fingertips only, glide across smooth, soft skin of her arms, since it was the only flesh that her jeans and a t-shirt outfit left uncovered. But it was enough to make her shiver slightly in my arms. “interesting to do with our time.� I finished, my arms firmly back around her waist again.

“Oh, really?� She chuckled, her head resting against my chest. “Hmmm. Well, are any of those ‘interesting’ things fake couple appropriate?�

When I didn’t say anything, she smiled and pushed me away to stand beside the bed. “That’s what I thought. Now get your head out of the gutter, we got a party to go to. Our last, if I’m lucky.� She said, walking into the bathroom.

I frowned. “What do you mean?� I asked, sitting up now.

“I was thinking we could end it tonight.� She said, casually as she slipped into the bathroom.

I sat in the middle of my king-sized bed for a few minutes in silence, wondering and hoping I wasn’t hearing what I thought I was hearing. I stared at the now closed bathroom door. I could hear her moving around inside. The sound of ruffling, clothes being discarded. Naked flesh being revealed.

Dammit, that’s not what I’m supposed to be thinking about right now. Pushing myself to the end of bed, I swung my feet down so that I had both feet planted firmly on the floor. I was still staring at the closed door. I wanted to go inside. But joining her in the bathroom was a short-term plan and right now it sounded like my longer term plans were in jeopardy.

“I’m sorry, I think I heard you wrong. Cause I could have sworn you said something about breaking up with me at the party.� I had raised my voice so she could hear me, but I hadn’t risen from my spot on the bed.

Popping her head out of the bathroom, she smiled. “That’s because I did.�

I would have frowned at her if she hadn’t of closed the door so fast, leaving me with the door to frown at instead. Pushing myself off the bed now, I knocked on the door and waited for her to reappear. Again, only her head popped out of the opening. “Yes?� she smiled.

I should have known something was wrong. She was smiling too much. She only smiled this much if Richard was around and since I wasn’t Richard, something had to be wrong.

“Why would you want to go and do that?� I asked, resisting a frown and trying not to cross my arms against my chest.

She smiled softly at me for a moment, before sighing. The door opened a little more. I could begin to see what she was wearing. There were only glimpses of the outfit that I could catch. But all the glimpses that I saw were fleshy ones. Forcing my eyes back to hers, I realized she’d started talking and allowed another moment of distraction to go by as I wondered how much I’d missed.

“You’re the greatest fake boyfriend a girl could ever have, but c’mon, it’s gotta end sometime, right?� When I didn’t add anything, she repeated, “Right?�

“Yeah,� I nodded, pushing a long breath of air out. “Right.�

She eyed me for a moment, like she didn’t believe me. “You okay?�

“Just peachy.� I grinned at her, before walking out of the room.

It wasn’t even two seconds later before I heard, “You’re a horrible liar you know that?�

I turned around to face her, but didn’t say anything. I’m not sure my words would have come out right if I’d tried anyways. It’s not that I was mad, per se, just extremely distracted. Now that she was fully out of the bathroom, everything that I’d seen was brought to the light. That and so much more.

I’d always figured Fionna had a beautiful body and with the skirts and things she’d started to wear for Richard’s sake, I’d seen a little more of it. But now, there was no need to guess, figure, or wonder. It was all right there for the eye to behold.

She stood before me in a white low scoop neck, midriff top with a hot pink mini skirt, showing off her long, long legs. Standing in her hot pink pumps, she was taller than me by at least an inch. Which put her roughly at six-two. That height alone should have made me think beast, but everything about her was too much beauty to be beast. Too many soft feminine curves to be frightening.

But it was shocking, nevertheless. A straight shot, which hit right below the belt.

“So you’re going to ignore me now?� She frowned, tilting her head to the side. Her curly shoulder length brown hair, the only thing that had remained unchanged and only because I liked it that way, moved with her head’s movement, curls bouncing.

“It’s a little hard to ignore someone with a rack like that.�

Looking down at her own bubbling cleavage before meeting my libidous gaze with a smirk, her hands were on her hips as she said, “You choose these costumes remember?�

That wasn’t exactly something I was in danger of forgetting. When I had first thought of the idea of us going as Barbie and Ken to this costume party, I had only meant it as a joke, but once I mentioned it to Janice, the joke had quickly formed a reality, with Fionna complaining the entire way.

“I knew you were going to make a hot ass Barbie.� I said, feeling a slow smile spread across my face. “And as usual, I’m right.�

She rolled her eyes, fingering the pink bow on the side of her hair that I’d made her wear. “You know this…� she said, pointing to the bow. “isn’t going to stay on my head much longer.�

“I’m surprised it’s even lasted this long.�

“Me too.� She smiled, still fingering it, before letting the hand fall to her side. “It’s not fair that I gotta wear all this pink, girly stuff and you get to wear the stuff you’d normally wear.�

Her eyes took me in from head to toe. There was nothing spectacular about my outfit. Just some khakis and a baby blue sleeveless shirt, which brought out the color of my eyes. But then again, if I’m going to be Ken, there really didn’t need to be anything spectacular about my outfit. All eyes would be for Barbie anyways.

I knew mine were.

The kiss of perfection had touched her body in so many precious places—from perfectly manicured fingers, pedicured toes to her long lashes that seem to flutter every time she blinked to her lips, which I didn’t even have a beginning of a clue what she’d done to them, but for some reason tonight, right in this moment, they looked irresistibly kissable.

Feeling like I had resisted touching her for long enough, I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms low on her waist. Just as my lips grazed hers, the door flung opened and in walked Trace.

“Don’t mind me,� he said, strolling over to my closet.

Fionna didn’t waste any time pulling away from me, looking embarrassed. Her arms crossed against her stomach, as if to cover herself up, when only moments earlier she had been nothing short of confident.

“He said, ‘don’t mind him.’� I whined, trying to pull her back to me as she started to move away from me and walk out of the room.

“Richard and Janice are downstairs.� Trace said, his head buried in my closet already.

As I was wondering if the rest of him would fit in there, I frowned watching Fionna’s feet move faster out the door at the mention of her precious Richard.

Standing in the room alone now, save Trace still rummaging through my closet, I turned my back with a sigh from where Fionna had made her hasty exit to face Trace again.

I frowned down at him as I said, “Man, aren’t you supposed to be off in some tropical isle with Elisha?�

“Hurricanes.� He said, simply still digging through the closet.

“A little water never hurt anybody.� I said continuing to frown.

Straightening up, holding a pair of my shoes in his hands, he said, “I’m gonna let that slide cause I’m sensing your bedroom has become a no pussy zone, so you’re understandably a little cranky right now.�

“Whatever. Where are you going with my shoes? My new shoes, no less.�

“Richard’s sorry ass shoes fell apart in the car. You know that fool had duct taped his soles back on again?� Trace said, laughing at the thought. He shook his head, before adding, “A fucking NBA player using duct tape to hold his shoes together.�

I didn’t laugh, I didn’t even smile as I said, “So he can’t even come and get them himself?�

“I’m detecting some extra hostile vibes coming off of you. How long has it been, dude?� He said, clapping a sympathetic hand to my shoulder.

“Man, fuck you.� I said, shrugging off his touch as I moved away from him and deeper into the room, before plopping down on the bed.

“That long huh?� He chuckled. “Well, with Fionna looking as good as she is tonight if you don’t manage to seal the deal…�

Trace had been talking this ‘seal the deal’ shit ever since he first discovered his Mr. Pee-Pee’s not so secret identity.

“Just take the damn shoes and go.� I said, cutting him off.

Of course, he ignored me. Staring at me for a silent moment, he shook his head at me. “Dang, I haven’t seen you this pissed since…since Britney suddenly wanted to get all virginal on you.� He chuckled, sitting down beside me. “So what’s up?� When I did nothing but sigh, he said, “Besides that tent in your pants.�

“What?� I gasped, moving to cover myself, embarrassment seasoning my face with a warm red flush. “Fuck you, man.� I said, realizing there was nothing to cover. Not to say there was nothing there at all, but it was just safely asleep—damn near dormant from lack of activity.

“Damn,� He hissed, and in that one word. I knew he knew. “You haven’t hit that at all?� His disbelief and disappointment swam the air, greeting my face with a harsh slap.

“Of course I have.� I huffed, my arms crossing indignantly against my chest without thought.

“You’re a horrible liar.�

I shrugged, letting my hands fall back to my side. “So I’m told.�

I could feel Trace’s eyes on me, staring me down. I tried looking around the room to ignore it, but when Trace wanted to, he could make himself very hard to ignore. “What’s wrong with you?�

“That’s what I was just getting ready to ask you.� He smirked. “It never takes you this long to…�

“Look,� I said, holding my hand up as a stop sign to this conversation. “This is really none of your damn business anyways.�

A moment’s silence was all the restraint he had. “So how was it then?�

“What the fuck, man? Are we in high school again?�

He chuckled. “You know ain’t nothin’ much has really changed since high school. Same game, same basic rules. The age on the box has just upped a little that’s all.�

“Man, fuck that.� I snapped, jumping to my feet. “Fuck this conversation, fuck you and fuck that lazy mofo who couldn’t even walk up the damn stairs to take my shoes from me.�

“Oh, I see what’s going on.� He said, with a knowing smirk.

“I doubt you do, so just get out and shut up.�

“No sex, plus jealousy…that’s the combo punch that’s got you all bent out of shape.�

“Take your corny ass Dr. Phil shit back to Oprah, ‘cause I’m not trying to hear it.� I grumbled, my anger raising the heat in my chest like a thunder storm about to break loose across a cloudy sky. “You don’t even know what’s going on.�

“So why don’t you tell me?�

So I did. I didn’t really want to, but this was Trace. My best friend. My homie. My roaddawg. Practically, my brother. If I could tell anyone, it would be him. I told him everything from the rocky start, to how much closer we’d gotten, to how much more much comfortable she was with me in both private and public, and just how generally great everything was going between us. And how now, despite all the fun, all the laughs, she was getting ready to dump my ass publicly, just so she could get with Richard. Like Richard even compares to me.

“Well, damn, dawg. I would have never guessed all that shit had happened. So what are you going to do?�

I frowned. I hadn’t planned on doing anything. “What do you mean?�

Now he was one frowning at me. “I mean, what the hell are you going to do to stop ol’ boy from getting the lovin’ you put in work for?�

“Well, I hadn’t really thought of anything yet.�

“Then get to thinking. If you like her as much as I think you do, cause I’ve seen Model Behavior and Edison so I know you ain’t this good of an actor.� He chuckled. “Also I know you’re not going to want to see her with another man, ‘specially not one of your friends.�

“But what can I do? Her getting with another man was the whole point of this damn deal.�

“Well, tell her you changed your mind. Tell her, she changed your mind.�

I stared at my toes for a moment, realizing I didn’t even have socks on, let alone shoes. “I need to finish getting ready.� I said, my tone signaling the end of the conversation.

“Alright, but think about what I said.� He called over his shoulder as I ushered him out of my double-doored bedroom, which Fionna hadn’t been impressed with. I think ‘ridiculous’ was her word for it. “Don’t be a lil’ bitch!� He yelled, now standing on the outside.

Hardly five seconds passed before the door flew open again and my mouth instantly opened to tell the intruder off.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.� Fionna said, throwing a hand up to my yet to be spoken words. “C’mon let’s go.� She said, eyeing me carefully from head to toe. She must have noticed my lack of footwear, because she grabbed some black socks out of my drawer, picked up the shoes she’d laid out for me by the door, and stood up straight again to her full six-foot height, six-two in her heels. “Well, what are you waiting on? Let’s get this show on the road.� She said, switching the items into one hand, as she reached and grabbed for mine, pulling me out of the bedroom and down the hall shoeless.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold up. Let me just put my shoes on right quick. I’m not trying to look Shoeless in Los Angeles right now.�

“Alright,� she relented with a heavy sigh. “But hurry.�

“What’s the rush? I usually have to drag you kicking and screaming to parties and now you’re all anxious and impatient to get to this one, what’s up?�

She shrugged. “I just wanna go, is all.�

“Uh-huh.� I nodded, disbelievingly. “Richard was looking sharp and now you wanna make sure you get a seat next to him for the ride over there.� When she didn’t say anything, I said, “Am I right?�

She frowned before she eased the pressure from her face, letting her lips curl up. “Nah, that’s not it. I actually haven’t even seen him yet. I just can’t wait to show off my man and our costumes. We better win best dressed or something, for all this cleavage you got me showing…among other things.� She laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“You’re a horrible liar.� I smiled, standing with both of my shoes on now.

She smiled back, taking my hand in hers gingerly linking our fingers together like she always did and guiding us out the door. “You couldn’t handle the truth.�

I wanted to argue with that, but when you’re battling truth—what is there to argue?

*^*^*

When adults play make believe, it’s called not cute. It’s called denial.

But occasionally, we can get away with pretending to be something we’re not. This costume party we all were headed to was one of those times.

I was dressed as the Ken to Fionna’s Barbie, but whereas she looked completely different from her regular dress, I didn’t really have to change too much to step into Ken’s shoes. Which meant that I would spend a good amount of the night answering the question, “Where’s your costume?� To which, I’d probably respond by pointing to Fionna and saying, “I’m Ken.�

Richard had a red bandanna tied around his head. His normally rather short cut dark brown, nearly black hair was hidden completely from view under a long scraggly black haired wig. He wore a white, puffy sleeved shirt with a black vest over top of it. A very plastic, dollar store looking sword in his right hand, his left hung uselessly at his side. When I looked at him, all I saw was a pirate costume. As soon as Fionna had laid eyes on him, she’d squinted, cocked her head to right and said, “Jack Sparrow?�

“Captain Jack Sparrow.� Richard had said in return with a smirk. Then they both laughed and said, “Where’s the rum?�

I shared a confused look with Janice, but we didn’t have an inside jokes to exchange.

Janice was a vision in white. A low cut white snap up mini dress hugged her body. Her long legs were wrapped in thigh-high white stockings with her feet matched up in white stilettos. A stethoscope dangled from the long line of her neck, which was exposed due to the fact that she’d swept her long blonde locks up, allowing it fall around her face is soft cascades. Dressed as a delicious doctor, Janice, as always, was the perfect blend of intelligence and sex appeal.

She’d caught me gawking and smiled. I opened my mouth to say “Wanna play operation?� But before I could get a word out, Richard and Fionna had shifted the conversation to transportation, which was probably for the best anyways. I’m sure this would have been one of those times when my words sounded much better in my head than spoken aloud.

I wanted to drive my own car, so I could leave when I wanted to. Everyone else wanted to get to ride in Richard’s new Hummer. I had always thought those cars were a waste of space and gas and only made sense to get if you were planning to be an army of one out in some foreign desert. I thought Fionna would have agreed with me on this and maybe she would have if she wasn’t too busy swooning over Richard’s every word.

I was trying very hard not to frown. Not to start to hate him. He was my boy after all. He was an easygoing, down for whatever type of guy, so if there was something going on I always knew I could call him up to roll with me, without worrying about him trying to steal my shine in the process. We had always gotten along well, no personality clashing. The only thing I’d ever had a problem with was his job: he played for the Clippers and with some sick sense of proud felt that they were a better team than the Lakers but were always shafted as the unwanted step-child.

Through the Kobe and Shaq seemingly endless saga , Kobe’s Trial, Marlone hopping on the bandwagon looking to get the ring that he’d been denied by MJ, I was a huge Lakers fan through and through.

But even his delusion was a forgivable offense. Watching him and Fionna giggling, her playfully hitting his shoulder, I wasn’t so sure this was one, too.

I was out-voted, my opinion becoming null and void as everyone slid into their respective spots in the car.

Richard was at wheel, Janice shotgun. Trace, who’d come as one of those hobbits from the Lord of the Rings trilogy which Fionna had considered hilarious, was just behind the driver’s seat. Fionna sat in the middle with me at the door, next to her.

We’d been riding for a few minutes. Nobody was talking. Silence had gotten friendly with everyone, caressing us into staying within our own thought bubbles.

Richard was staring straight ahead. Janice was staring out the passenger side window. Trace was shifting as if he wasn’t comfortable in the silence. Fionna was sitting, stiff, with her hands placed on her lap. The only contact we had was our legs that brushed against one another during turns.

I reached for her, taking her hand into mine, watching my larger hand nearly swallow hers. She turned to me then, looking at me like she’d nearly forgotten that I was sitting next to her. She looked like she was going to pull away and she hadn’t done anything like that in weeks. Then she blinked and the edges of her lips glanced upwards. Her fingers linked with mine. She didn’t pull away, instead she leaned into me.

Releasing a slow breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding in, I relaxed as she relaxed into me.

I saw a movement from the corner of my eye that made me turn to face Trace.

He was grinning and giving me a thumb’s up like I’d just accomplished something. Glancing down at the woman in my arms, who laid there willingly, her fingertips tracing along my arms—maybe I had.

Kissing the top of her curly head, I smiled down at her as she tilted her head up towards me. She just watched me for a long while. Blinking, no words. I watched as her eyes fluttered to a close, her body leaning into mine, I realized what she was going to do. Putting up a hand, I blocked her advances. Those chocolate brown orbs opened and stared at me with confusion. I had never stopped her before. Not that she’d given me very many chances. The fact that I stopped her now when she was doing exactly what I wanted her to do, what I wanted to do myself, confused me too.

“In everyone’s eyes, you’re still mine and I’m still yours. That’s not changed yet.� She whispered.

“But it’s going to.� I said, keeping my hand up, on her shoulder, keeping her from moving forward again. “You want it to.�

She blinked at me for a few silent packed moments, before she glanced away. Sitting back in her original position, but looking more pulled into herself. Her voice came softer than before. “You’re supposed to want it too.�

“I do.�

And as soon as I said it, she turned towards me, her mouth slightly slack. Then all the emotion was pulled from her face, leaving it empty and blank. Her head facing straight ahead now, she nodded. “Good.�

But nothing about this felt good. She’d gone back to being distant. My eye caught more movement from the other end of the backseat. Turning my head toward him, I saw Trace shaking his head and frowning.

Hearing Richard clear his throat in the driver seat, before starting up some pleasant silence filler conversation with Janice, who immediately broke into soft giggles, I frowned. Frowned, sighed, and leaned against the door, head resting against the cool glass. Eyes watching the scenery blur past as my thoughts became just as blurry.

*^*^*

As soon as we were free of the entrapment of the car, Fionna slipped away into the crowd, throwing one word in her wake: bathroom.

The only problem was the bathrooms were in the opposite direction. The only thing that was in the direction that she was heading was the bar and maybe Richard, since I had lost him in the crowd not that long after we’d gotten here too. Actually now that I think about it, I’d lost everyone. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe everyone had lost me.

“Well, let me just be the first to say, you’re doing a great job.�

Turning at the sound of the voice, I frowned at the smirking short man now before me. “What are you talking about, Trace?�

One glance at my face and the playfulness in his face drained away, fell back and give way to a look that looked far too serious for his face. “You’re giving up.� He didn’t make it a question as he shook his head. “One bad start and you’re giving up. What’s next you’re going to find Richard and push her into his arms?�

“I don’t need this.� I sighed, striding in the direction Fionna had left, but not to find her. The bar was calling my name.

“Well you need something.� He said, and just the fact that his voice wasn’t fading away into the distance I was trying to put between him and me, let me know he was following me. “Something to replace your missing balls.�

“What I am supposed to do?� I asked, swirling on him. Forcing him to take a few staggering steps back to keep from plowing into me. “What the fuck am I supposed do? We made the deal. This is part of it.�

“Breaking your heart is part of it?�

Biting my lip and turning my eyes towards the ceiling for a moment, I couldn’t find the words I wanted so I settled for shrugging.

“You’re giving up.� He repeated. When I looked at him again, the anger on his face was clear as day. “You love her. You want her. You fucking need her. But you’re giving up?�

“Why are you getting so heated about this? What does it matter to you?�

He took in a deep breath of air, as if trying to calm himself down. “Other than the fact you’re my best friend and I don’t feel like dealing with your pathetic ass…� He trailed off, shaking his head. “Let’s just say I know a little somethin’ about giving up.� He was smiling, but there was no ounce of happy in it. No teasing, no playfulness, nothing I’d come to expect from Trace. “Maybe, maybe I’m not really mad at you so much as I’m mad at myself, but it’s just easier to push it off onto you.� He’d been staring at his hands, but now he raised his suddenly regret-filled brown eyes to me. “I’ve done the whole love and lost thing, but maybe I only lost because I gave up.�

“Elisha...� Trailed out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Regret, confusion, anger swam his eyes in a painful swirl. Shaking his head, he pushed them all down and when he raised his eyes again, they were nearly empty. “There were no hurricanes that stopped me from being somewhere with her right now. I wish that was the reason I’m standing here, talking to your dense ass.� He laughed and it sounded almost as empty as he’d made his eyes go. “I wish a lot of things now.�

I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I should say something comforting, but I didn’t have any details to know what would even begin to be comforting and he didn’t seem like he was ready to give any.

“Looks like your little underage love has been carded.�

I turned to him again, finding a playful smirk on his face. Nudging me, he said, “Well, here’s your chance. Go get her drunk.�

Shaking my head at him, I couldn’t help but grin though. “Already been there and done that.�

“Then keep doing it, you don’t want all the present tense to turn past on you. Trust me.� And just like that, all the emotions he’d been holding back swam to the surface again, only this time his control wasn’t as good. But instead of sticking around and forcing me to find those comforting words, he turned on his heel and lost himself in the crowd.

So I was alone again. I could see Fionna sitting at the bar, looking as if she was contemplating her next move. She didn’t see me, which made slyly sidling up next to her so much easier.

“If I buy you a drink, will you come home with me?�

She swirled in her chair, looking fully prepared to cuss me out and even upon sight of me, she didn’t look like she’d ruled out the possibility of cussing me out. It took a few blinks before her face relaxed, followed reluctantly by her body.

“The last time I let a man get me drunk, I nearly wound up sleeping with him.�

“Well, let’s hope my luck is a little better.�

She shook her head with a smile so tiny that if you didn’t know her, you wouldn’t have known it was there.

“If you’re not going to let me get you drunk, then the least you do is dance with me. One last time.�

Much to Fionna’s annoyance, Paris’ party had only been the beginning of our dancing. Wherever there was music, a beat, I was trying to get her up and moving to it with me. She was a much better dancer than she would ever give herself credit for. Her body had this natural, sensual rhythm that she would easily match to mine. Slow jam or uptempo, we could groove together. Bodies close together, moving as one.

I loved grinding with her, not just for the sensations, the closeness, but I loved watching her face as we grinded. Her bottom lip getting sucked into her mouth as she bit down in concentration, her brow slightly wrinkled, her eyes sparkling, her lips usually murmuring the words of the song, which I would only be aware that the music was still on because of her singing along. Somewhere in the moment, the music would become just background noise and all I could hear, feel, see was the ebb and flow of Fionna’s body against mine.

I loved when she’d close her eyes, her arms wrapping around my neck, pulling me in close. Sure, it didn’t sound like anything special but felt like something that was just beyond words.

Music or no music, we danced. We didn’t have a song (unless you counted “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch�), but we really didn’t need one. We had a groove. One that was strong enough to keep us together, in sync, even when the real music stopped.

The sweetest thing I've ever known

Or so I had always thought. But standing there in that moment, with my hand outstretched to her, I suddenly wasn’t so sure.

Was like the kiss on the collarbone

Her hand fell into mine as her body moved toward me, she was smiling now, wide enough for anyone to see. But once she was in the circle of my arms, she said, “How do you want to do this?�

The soft caress of happiness

“Do what?�

“Break up.� She said, like the words didn’t affect her. “It probably needs to be loud, loud enough to get a lot of other people’s attention. We need to plan it perfectly so that Richard will be there to console me.�

“Can’t we just dance?�

She licked her lips slowly, shrugging as her arms went around my neck. Her manicured finger tips lightly scratching my neck. “We dance all the time.�

“But this is the last time.� I said, pulling her in close, so that we were cheek to cheek now. The song that was playing was uptempo, but we had our own groove. So we swayed gently as the other bodies around us worked up a sweat.

The way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak

I felt her frown, before she sighed—her breath coming out in a hot rush against my neck. “We can dance even if we’re not together. Dancing isn’t just solely a boyfriend/girlfriend experience.�

Oooh, baby, just to hear you speak
Makes me argue just to see

I shrugged. “True, but would you have danced with me all these times if you weren’t my girlfriend?� I asked, pulling back just enough to stare into her chocolate brown eyes.

She hesitated. Licking her lips, she said, “No.�

“Exactly.�

A frown settled down on her thoughtful features. “We’re dancing, but we still need to figure out the break up since it is happening to—.�

How much you're in love with me

She couldn’t get the rest out, not with my lips pressed against hers she couldn’t. Her body stiffened at first, but a few more kisses and she relaxed with a sigh. With her arms still wrapped around my neck, she pulled me into her and her into me. Our bodies flush against each other, her hands stayed where they were as mine began to wander her body. She swatted my hand when it fell lower than the small of her back, which made me smile against her mouth, but other than that, each caress, each stroke, rub, touch, brush was welcomed with a purr and moan from her.

See, like a queen, a queen upon her throne

When the kiss ended, it was she who had ended it. Usually, I managed to be the one to both initiate and terminate the kisses, but this time she broke it. This time she frowned at me, like I’d done something wrong for starting it in the first place.

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

“We can’t be making out one minute, then breaking up the next.� She said, adding distance between us as she continued to frown at me.

I get mad when you walk away (Don't walk away)

“Exactly.� I said, licking my lips and picking up the last tastes of her. I took two steps toward her, she took one away from me.

Her frown deepened. “We didn’t come this far not to go the whole way.�

“You want to go all the way with me, huh?� I asked, eyebrows rose.

So I tell you leave, when I mean stay

She stepped closer to me, just to punch me in the shoulder. “Stop trying to distract me.� She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m not saying that this is easy for me. I’m not saying that I don’t care at all. I’m just saying that we had a deal, a plan, this is part of it.�

“Plans change.�

“Justin,� She stretched my name out with exasperation. “Why are you so hell bent on making this harder than it needs to be?�

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

It was my turn to sigh. I looked away from her. She was right. This was part of the plan. I’d agreed to it. So I had to stick to it now, now even when the thought of going through with it hurt like hell.

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

Nodding, I said, “You’re right. You’re right.�

She frowned, her head cocking to the right. “I’m right? You’re agreeing with me?�

Rolling my eyes, I said, “Yeah, stranger things have happened. So how do you want to dump me?�

“Who said I was going to be the one doing the dumping?�

“Why wouldn’t you be the one?�

“Why would I be the one, when the only two options are pop star trying to turn movie star who often frequents the tops of sexy lists or high school drop out, runaway, no-name?�

“You ran away?�

She waved my words away, with a dismissive swipe of her hand. “That’s beside the point.�

“You’re not a no-name.�

She rolled her eyes and blew out another annoyed breath of air. “The point is, you’re you and I’m me. And when those are the choices, no one is going to believe that you’re the one getting dumped.�

I thought about what she’d said, thought about telling her that it didn’t matter whether she thought it was believable or not I was the one getting dumped. “Okay, fine,� I finally said, nodding. “I’ll pretend like I’m kicking you to the curb.�

“Yeah, you’re really going to have to pull out the big guns of acting skills out for this one.� She said, her voice dry as the Sahara.

It was the...Ah
I tried to explain
Ah...but baby, it's in vain

I ignored her sarcasm, ignored the slight upward turn of her lips as she watched me. Focusing on business always helped to keep my emotions in check, so that’s exactly what I did. “So how do you want me to do it? And I gotta have a real reason. Something that I can be yelling about.�

Her brow wrinkled in thought. “I-I don’t know. Haven’t you done this before? Can’t you just make it up as you go?�

I almost smiled at the confusion on her face. “I’ve always been the one getting left.�

She frowned harder than I think I’ve ever seen her do before. And that was saying a lot. “Yeah, right.� She said, and she started to laugh. Started and then looked at my face and she nearly choked on her laughter. “You’re serious?�

I just nodded, looking away from her and her surprise. I wish this moment of getting left behind again was surprising to me.

“Well,� She tried to start again. Licking her lips, like she did only when she was nervous, she said, “You’re serious?�

Now I was the one frowning. “Can we focus less on my loser status and more on how we’re going to break up?�

Her face softened until all traces of the frown disappeared. She just stared at me like she was seeing me for the first time. She was watching me so closely, so openly, I shifted under her scrutiny, cleared my throat and said, “Look, when you come up with something, just find me.�

I didn’t make it more than two steps away, before I felt a hand on my arm, holding me back. Turning back around, I just stared at her, watching her lick her lips.

“You’re not a loser.�

I laughed. It sounded bitter even to me.

“Don’t laugh.� She frowned, her hand falling down my arm and into my hand. Her fingers linking with mine. “It’s not funny.� She glanced down at our hands as if she didn’t remember doing that, before looking back at me. “I don’t know how your other girlfriends did it. Or why they did it, but you’re not a loser. If anything they’re all losers for being stupid enough to let you go. You really are something special. I’ve been with you for a short time, but I don’t need years to know that you are…wonderful.� Dropping her eyes from my gaze, she shook her head. “I don’t say things like that, so you better have appreciated it.�

A big goofy grin stretched across my face, ear-to-ear. “I know and I do.� I said, taking my free hand and stroking the side of her face.

“And even if you tell someone I said those things, I’ll deny it.� She smiled that tiny smile of hers.

“Your secret is safe with me, Sugar Pie.� I said, kissing the top of her head, before kissing her forehead.

She sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder. “You need to stop being so sweet, it’s making this deal more complicated than it needs to be. And we don’t need anymore complications.�

How sad

Smiling softly at her and stepping out of touching distance, I said, “Richard is standing over by the bar by himself.�

How sad that all things come to an end

She frowned. “And?�

The fact that she didn’t go running to him and away from me normally would have made me smile. But I was focusing on business and business was nothing to smile about today. “Go to him.�

When her frown deepened and she opened her mouth to say something, I cut her off. “Go to him and I’ll think of something so I can dump your ass.�

She smiled, slow, easy. The slow ones were always worth the wait. Just nodding, she turned on her heel, disappearing into the crowd.

But then again, I'm, I'm not alone

“You know, when I asked you if you were going to find Richard and push her into his arms, I wasn’t trying to give you ideas.�

Turning around, I frowned at Trace, who was staring after Fionna. Fionna had already made it to Richard. They were talking, smiles everywhere.

“It had to be done.� I said, forcing my eyes not to look back and see them together again.

“Is that what they told you after the castration?�

“Man, you need to worry a lot less about me and little more about your damn self.�

That stopped him, but only for a moment or two. “If my girl was here, then maybe I could do something. But yours is here and you’re doing nothing.�

“I am doing something. I’m trying to think of a believable reason why we would be breaking up tonight.�

“Oh, yeah,� He rolled his eyes. “Because sabotaging your happiness is really something worth doing.�

I shrugged. “It has to be done.�

“So you keep telling me.� He sighed. He fell silent for several moments, making me think this was a good sign. But of course it was anything but good. “They do look good together.� He said, causing me to follow his eyes over to Richard and Fionna. Her hand was on his arm, his was on her thigh. They were leaned in, probably under the pretension of trying to hear one another better. They looked so damn cozy, like they’d forgotten other people were in the room.

I knew that feeling. That absorbing feeling that sucks you in and all you can see is the person sitting opposite you. Nothing and no one else matters.

I knew as I watched her smile at him as he smiled back at her that I was probably the furthest thought from her mind.

“Yeah,� I sighed. “They do.�

His head turned toward me. “You’re giving up?�

“I’m giving up.� I nodded.

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter how good they look together, when you’re with her…she glows. Did you ever notice that? She really lights up for you. I don’t know her, but she doesn’t seem like the type of person that lights up for just anybody.�

I frowned. “I’m giving up.�

He nodded, his gaze on them again. I was watching his face so that I wouldn’t watch them. “You’re giving up.�

*^*^*

I don’t remember what was said. I remember yelling. I remember her yelling back. Hands in the air, a crowd forming around us. I remember saying something that made her stop in her tracks, she’d been walking away from me at the time. I don’t remember what I’d said, but whatever it was—it hurt and it showed.

She bit her bottom lip and the tears looked so real, I was ready to take everything back. I was ready to do most anything to make her stop looking like that. She’d just looked at me. Just looked at me, wordlessly, letting the tears fall where they may. I was reaching for her, before I knew that, that was what I wanted to do. She flinched at my touch, like I’d stuck her. That hurt nearly more than anything she could have said.

That was when Richard came. All angry and protective. He stormed through the crowd and pushed me away from Fionna. I let him. If he would have tried to kick my ass right then and there, I would have let him do that too.

He cursed at me for a moment, before turning his attention to her. His features instantly softening. His hand wiping away tears that I’d been trying to wipe away. She didn’t flinch when he touched her. She embraced him. Glaring at me, over his shoulder.

It was only as he was walking away with her and she’d turned back her head to look at me once more, that she smiled that tiny smile that you had to know her to know it was there, that I remembered—this was all fake.

All of it. From our relationship’s beginning to its demise. It was all a hoax.

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

I swiped at my face, just under my eyes. I stared down at my hands, stared down at my hands that were now slightly wet and sighed. It had felt all too real for me.

But it was over now. We were over. No more Justin and Fionna. Suddenly, I needed a drink. And quick.

I was tipping back my third or—was it my fifth?—shot of vodka when I heard, “Hey, maybe you want to slow down, huh?�

Turning slowly, so that I didn’t lose my balance on the stool, I went for a sneer, but when I saw the owner of the voice, my expression took on a grin like a damn fool.

When I was able to do more than stare at Fionna, and I’d found my frown again, I said, “I’m nursing a broken heart.�

I tipped another shot back. Straight, no chaser. I wanted to get good and drunk and as soon as possible.

She was still standing there. I wasn’t looking at her anymore, but I could feel her presence there, lingering by my side. Hesitating. If she didn’t know what to do or say, I couldn’t help her. I was just as clueless, I didn’t know what to do or say either.

She continued to watch me silently for a moment, before she nodded and smiled. I don’t know why she was smiling, maybe she was thinking about Richard.

“Oh right. Good luck with that.� Her smile hadn’t faltered as she leaned into me, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek, before immediately checking to see if anyone saw before she bounced.

And then there was just me. Just me and an empty shot glass in my hand. Just me watching my heart and my ride home leaving me stranded.

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

If that didn’t deserve another drink, I don’t know what did.
___________________________________________
This chapter featured: Lauryn Hill “The Sweetest Thing�

Chapter 15: Circles & Triangles
“My weakness is that I care too much.�
—Papa Roach "Scars"

The only thing that hurts more than seeing your ex happily with someone else, is seeing your ex happily with a someone else who happens to be one of your friends. Okay, actually what hurts more is seeing your ex happily with someone else who happens to be one of your friends who asked your permission to date her in the first place.

Richard’s a stand-up guy, so I can’t say that I was surprised that he asked me first if it was okay with me, but I’ve got to say I was more than a little tempted to just say no. But this was the plan all along. We date each other to get each other friends. Unfortunately for me, somewhere along the way my plans changed.

Too bad hers seemed to stay right on course.

It was the beginning of fall. In most every other place this side of the hemisphere, short shorts and tank tops would have no longer been weather appropriate gear. But this was California. We didn't follow the standard seasonal weather patterns. We had one season and that wonderful sun loving season made for year-round eye-candy. The skin flashing variety. The best kind. No snow bunnies for us. Just Playboy bunnies.

Every which way I looked—bikinis. Pink. Bright blue. Green. Yellow polka dot. Bikinis.

Long-haired goddesses were strolling up and down the beach. All around us. Jogging, getting their Bay Watch run on.

My boys were loving it. Their eyes damn near falling out of their heads. Tongues hanging out the side of their mouths like a panting dog. I just sat back, laid back, watched and laughed as they ran game, got rejected and before the rejection could fully bitch-slap their overdeveloped egos, they'd move on to the next cutie with a booty strolling by.

Normally, I would have been right there with them. 'Course, I'd be looking better, spitting somethin’ smooth, so smooth that most females wouldn't even realize how much game I'd just run them over with until it was too damn late and just didn't matter anymore. Flash a disarming grin, lick my lips, stand familiarly close, strong eye contact...I would have pulled out all my tricks.

Normally, I would have been there with them, but I wasn't feeling it today. Hadn't been feeling it, whatever it was, for awhile.

The playa-playa bullshit had started to get old, so I had been sticking to lovin', romancin'...too bad that had turned into bullshit nearly just as quickly.

So now I was out of the game. Perfectly okay with being a spectator for now. Needed to regroup, to get my head together.

As I was laying there, staring up at the sky, watching the clouds, searching for a sign from God, that's when I noticed them.

Strolling the beach, hand in hand, along the coastline. Just close enough to the shore to let the water lap gently over their toes.

I didn't know it was them I had noticed. Not at first.

At first, they'd only looked like just another couple, just another couple which love had turned into its bitches. All smiles and giggles—I had rolled my eyes at them, but there was something about them that held my attention at the same time.

They had the love-sick look down pat, but they seemed to be in an argument at the moment. No frowns, but lots of head shaking and pointing. That coming from the lady. The man seemed to be trying to talk her into doing something that she didn't want to do.

That's when my mind drifted to that forbidden zone—Fionna. We'd had countless arguments that had looked just like that. I usually won out of sheer strength of persistence. But this man had better tactics.

Her mouth had been moving, yammering away, until he leaned in pressing his lips to hers. Her body relaxed into his arms and when they finally pulled apart, she smiled and nodded.

And that was it. He scooped her up into his arms and off they went into the ocean. Just like that.

Fionna never let anything work that easy for me, for us.

I watched them smiling and giggling and splashing each other, having a grand ol' time. Watched until their grand ol' time started to piss me the fuck off.

I turned my back on them, on their smiles, their giggles, their damn happiness. Turned on my back, closed my eyes, head resting on my folded arms.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I felt a sharp kick to my side. Rolling over, I opened my eyes, frowning and squinting up at the shadow which had fallen over me. "What?" I snapped.

The shadow grinned, before crouching down beside me. The shadow's face looking annoyingly similiar to one of my friends, Danny.

Danny Jamieson had lived out in LA for nearly a decade and his Boston accent had mostly faded but every now and then his tongue would wrap around a certain word and that accent would flip on automatically, strong. Danny was a dark-haired prettyboy with a heart of gold. Complete love sap, but also ready and willing to put on the asshole front.

Currently he was tied down to a blonde haired, busty ball and chain named Melinda out in San Fran, so it was very rare that I, or any of his friends for that matter, got to spend any time with his whipped ass. As loud as the crack of the whip could be heard whenever he happened to be around, Danny had managed to not take that next step. To not pop that question. To not be a man about the fact that he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life waking up to one woman, sleeping with one woman, loving and being loved by one and only one woman. To not get engaged.

Commitment issues were a bitch. Recognizing that he had them and then trying to get over it, well, maybe that would make him feel like a bitch.

The crouching shadow, not so hidden asshole said, "Sun burnt."

"Huh?" I frowned, wincing as I moved to sit up.

"No suntan lotion, laying out under all these rays...you're sun burnt, dumbass."

My frown deepened. "You woke me up to inform me of that?"

He shook his head, a crooked grin growing on his face. "No, I woke you to inform you of that." He said, pointing toward the water and the giggling couple that I'd been watching before I'd fallen asleep, who was now on the beach building what looked like a crappy lop-sided sand castle.

"What about it?"

He rolled his eyes, shook his head. "Dumb and blind, you're looking more and more attractive all the time."

"Jackass." I muttered, head turning to stare at the couple again. They were closer now. Faces more distinctive. Smiles, giggles more obvious.

Now I was feeling like the jackass, sitting there, sun burnt and alone. I'd been watching them and hadn't even realized who they were.

They were sitting close together on a blanket having a picnic, feeding each other.

Shoulder length hair that I knew for a fact was curly, despite the fact that it was currently blowing around her face looking straight and silky caught my attention. How did I not recognize her sooner?

Fionna’s sun-kissed, naturally golden brown skin looked like it was glowing. Richard was grinning, chest poked out, proud, like he'd been the one to give her that glow. I sure as hell didn't want to know what he'd done to give her that glow.

So close, too close. They were much too close. To each other, to me.

Done with lunch now, he’d sprawled out on the blanket on his back, her head was now resting comfortably on his chest. His hands wandered up and down her arm, familiarly—going places that just a month ago I’d been allowed to go.

It had taken her so long to warm up to me and even in the end—she had dismissed me so quickly, so easily, I had to wonder if any of it was real. I know it wasn't supposed to be, but...but...

Laying there in each other arms they looked so carefree, so goddamn carefree.

Then suddenly he rolled her over, pinning her to her back. His body hovered over hers in intimate places. They were close enough to the tide that when it came in, it drenched her hair. He smiled down at her, running his hand over her face, smoothing down her hair.

I expected to see her face frowned up, her mouth set to tell him off, but there was no frown just a big grin as she began to wrap her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her.

That brought a frown to my face.

“Man, snap out of it.�

I turned away, tearing my eyes from Richard and Fionna’s water escapades. Facing the owner of the voice, my frown deepened as I stared at Jorge.

LA born and raised, Jorge Sanchez was metrosexual from his manicured hands to his perfectly gelled hair to the ridiculous amount of skin care products he had, making his bathroom look like he’d just gone into a grocery store went to the skin care aisle and pushed a whole damn shelf of items into his cart.

Maybe it was the fact that he’d spent so much of his life confined to the west coast—I dunno—but the man was perpetually restless. In all things. Relationships. Careers. Locations. So I didn't see him often. If it weren't for text messages and the random post cards I got every now and then I probably would have lost contact with Jorge years ago.

Frowning, I turned to look at him. “Snap out of what?�

“It.� Jorge said. “This damn love sick fawning you’ve been doing ever since you and Fionna broke up. She’s moved on. Don’t you think it’s about time you do the same?�

“It’s only been a month.� I muttered. Not that you could tell by how quickly she’d moved on, like we had never happened.

“It’s been three weeks.� Danny said, from his new position, laid down beside me, face up, eyes closed, sunbathing. “And you know how I know? Because for three weeks I’ve been having to deal with your woe-is-me pitiful lil’ ass.�

“I’m trying, but it’s…� I started, my voice trailing off as my eyes wandered back over to where Richard and Fionna were rolling around in the sand, looking like they were play wrestling. “It’s just hard.�

Being his ever-sympathetic self, Jorge rolled his eyes and said,“Yeah, whatever. And if you ever want it to be hard again without a handy to do it, I suggest you stop moping and find something to smile about and quick.�

I wanted to argue that I hadn’t been moping, maybe a little righteous brooding and listening to the occasional sad love song, as well as writing a few and watching My Best Friend’s Wedding over and over, each time throwing popcorn at the screen when Julia Roberts lost out to Cameron Diaz.

Okay, so maybe I was moping. Maybe it was pathetic. Maybe…

My eyes were like magnets and Fionna unfortunately happened to be the positive to my negative.

God must have taken pity on me, because they were done rolling around in the sand and were looking like they were gonna leave. Hand in hand. They were getting further and further away, when she suddenly turned around and—our eyes connected.

The smile she’d been wearing dropped slightly as her eyes landed on me. Just as her smile wilted, her right hand rose to wave, awkwardly as if she was debating on whether or not she really wanted to do that. When Richard started to turn to see who she was waving at, she was quick to redirect him to look straight ahead again—away from me.

And off they strolled together. Smiling, giggling, arms locked.

“Hey, give the man a break.� Danny chimed in, seeming to come to my defense. “Shit, I’d be a little broken up too if I had of realized once it was too late what a fine piece of ass I was going to be missing out on.� He and Jorge chuckled their asses off at that.

Rolling my eyes, shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile. I knew that my friends weren’t going to get it. Girls were still just there for the taking for them, things to be used. I wanted someone who could understand, but I didn’t expect them to understand. They’d been this way for as long as I could remember, just because now it was Fionna didn’t change anything for them. But it changed things for me.

I didn’t expect them to understand that. It was hard enough to get myself to that level of understanding, without countering it by falling into the hormonal tide—following wherever my Johnson led.

I didn’t expect them to understand, so all I could do was shake my head and smile. Shake my head, smile and hope to God no one saw just how close I was to breaking down.

*^*^*
This is me getting over it, moving on.

Blonde hair flipped over elegant shoulders with a toss of the head. A slow grin spread across her face lit only by the dim light of the restaurant. She looked even more beautiful by candlelight.

“I had always kind of figured that you liked me. I just didn’t think you’d ever have…� There was a diplomatic pause as she giggled before she finished her thought. “the cojones, as they say, to ask me out.�

I had been leaned in, our heads as close as they could get with a table in between, but now I leaned back with a smirk. The smirk was meant to be sexy, confident, all that cocky bullshit that people typically think when my name comes up. There were only a few people who could see through it. Luckily for me, Janice wasn’t one of them.

“There were…� I had my own diplomatic pause. “complications.�

“Yeah,� She giggled. “You were dating one of my best friends.�

I tried not to frown as I said, “She’s your best friend?�

“One of them, yes.� She nodded.

I knew they were friends, close enough to become roommates, but I would have never thought they were best friends. I wonder if Fionna considers her, her best friend. Or even one of them. I wonder who she would consider her best friend, if not Janice. I’ve only met one other person she might possibly consider a friend and that’s Charlene. But she must have other friends, right?

Maybe not though. Fionna never did come off as the type that needed to have people around. But then again, even after all this time of knowing her, it feels like I still don’t know anything at all. Like I’m reading and reading and reading and somehow I’m never getting past the first chapter.

“That’s what makes this so…so weird.� She sighed, her fingers toying with her blonde locks as her gaze fell to the table top. Raising her eyes back to mine, she said, “If Fionna hadn’t been so okay with it, I would have never even answered your call, let alone be sitting here. And even though she said it was fine, it still didn’t feel fine, y’know? Like something was off. But she’s been dating Richard now and she’s in that google-eyed love stage where everything he does is so fantastic.�

Clearing my throat loudly, I looked around the room, trying to figure out what I could to do to get away from this conversation. When my eyes settled back on Janice, she was sitting quietly, studying me with a smirk.

She leaned forward, her elbow resting on the table, her head in her hand as she continued to stare at me silently with the same smirk on her face. “You love her.� When I started to shift in my seat, her smirk grew into a full-blown grin. That made me nervous and pissed off at the same time. “You still love her.�

“I-I don’t…I—�

Her smile dropped a fraction of an inch on each side. “Don’t lie. Don’t insult my intelligence with stumbled lies. Especially when it’s written all across your still-in-love-with-her face. I mention one thing about Fionna and part of your face wants to smile just at the mention of her name and the other part wants to screw up into a frown, but the one thing they both have in common is love. You love her. You still love her.�

I scoffed, shaking my head, but not saying a word, because I was sure that I couldn’t tell a believable lie at that moment to save my life. And this was definitely not a time for truth.

Her smirk was back, her elbows up again, her head in her hand as she gazed at me in seeming wonderment. Then the wonderment faded into a growing suspicion. “What are you two up to?�

I frowned. “What do you mean?�

“I mean, I smell scheming. So what are you two up to? Or what are you up to? I know somebody is up to something.�

I didn’t say anything, my gaze falling down to my hands. When I looked up again, she was still watching, the suspicion causing a tension between her eyebrows.

“You shouldn’t frown. It doesn’t look right on your pretty face.�

A small grin skipped across her face—with an upward twitch of the lips Janice could light up the darkest room. This smile wasn’t one of those, but it was pleasant. “That’s what I’m always telling Fionna, but she seems not to notice how pretty she is. And now I see, she just seems to not notice a lot of things.� She was still gazing at me, head in hand. The suspicion was settling back down into wonderment. Her gaze dropped from mine, her free hand drawing idle circles on the table top. “So what are you going to do about all this?�

“All what?�

Her smile grew, began to stretch from ear-to-ear, bright and brilliant. Those blue eyes of hers seemed more intelligent, more insightful by the minute. “I think y’all are going to make me have to accidentally lock you two alone together in a room over a weekend.�

I just stared at her for a moment, before a slow grin broke loose across my face. “Accidentally, of course.�

She did a slow, lazy shrug—her everpresent smile still in place. “Accidents do happen.�

“Now who’s the one scheming?�

“I would still say you. This whole thing is kind of…odd. Don’t you think? Richard, Fionna. Now you, me.� She said, watching me carefully as I tried to keep my face blank. “It’s all happening very quickly not to be planned.�

I swallowed the growing lump down my throat, looked around the room, buying time. I really didn’t need her going Sherlock Holmes on me right now.

I shrugged. “Complications.�

She nodded and leaned back into the booth, her face falling more into the shadows. “Complications.�

We spent the rest of dinner in relative silence. Each of us glancing up occasionally from our meals to check if the other one was in fact still there.

I know I should have said something, anything to try to make conversation. But the silence wasn’t awkward, so instead of scrambling with words I just enjoyed it. Silence is okay. Not a good sign for a first date, but for us to get to a second I think we had more problems than lack of conversation.

Janice and I had a lot of things in common. We both liked to try new things, be adventurous, live for the moment, carpe diem—all that good crap. We both were typically pretty upbeat, laidback, chill type of people. I’m attracted to her. She’s attracted to me. We’re attractive people. Together we’d make for a pretty damn attractive couple.

And she’d be more than just some blonde with perky boobs and big smile on my arm at red carpet events. She’s smart. You could have a deep conversation with her if you wanted to. I bet if I watched Jeopardy with her she’d answer nine out of ten questions correctly. I’m lucky to get one right for the whole damn show, unless the topic is something I know. Like, say…I dunno, Baywatch Babe—I’d be all over that.

But then I’d probably forget to answer in question form and lose anyways, walk out with negative something points and wind up owing them. But I digress.

The point is—Janice Mitchell has a lot to offer. Everything that I thought I would want. Everything that I do want. But when I’m sitting here across from her at The Ivy I can’t help but wonder what Fionna’s doing right now and how she’d never allow me to drag her to a place like this and if by some stroke of magic I did get her in the doors and to a table she’d just complain about how expensive everything was and how my money could be put to some better use like those Feed The Children campaigns, a random homeless person on the street, a soup kitchen—something. That’s just how Fionna was. Everything that I’m not, she typically is. And vice versa.

I must have gone into auto-pilot because the next thing I knew, I blinked and I found myself pulling into the driveway that led to the house that Janice and Fionna shared. I don’t even remember desert. Did we have desert?

Standing at the door now, I cleared my throat buying myself some thinking time. The date hadn’t exactly gone that great. It was more like two friends going out to dinner than anything else. Did that merit a goodnight kiss? And if I did lean in, would she brush me off by giving me the cheek?

I definitely didn’t want the cheek—that’s never a good feeling for the ego. Not that I knew from personal experience, of course.

“Do you want to come in?� Janice asked, fumbling with her keys.

Fumbling with keys was good, right? It was a sign that she was stalling and wanted the kiss, right? But wait, what did she just say? Come in?

I know she had to have seen that the lights were already on inside the house and that Fionna’s hunk of junk, loosely called a car was sitting in the driveway when we pulled up. There were no other cars around, expect for mine, so that meant Fionna had to be alone in there, because no matter how hard she tried she never could convince anyone to get into her metal deathtrap.

Alone or not, that didn’t mean that I would want to come inside and have to see her—all glowing and reeking of that new love funk.

“No, that’s okay.�

“You sure?� She asked, opening the door. As it opened, I got a glimpse of Fionna running, giggling. She never giggles and she never runs. Then came Richard chasing after her, scooping her up into his arms and carrying her back the way she’d come. Back to the bedroom.

“I’ll take that as a no.�

Turning back to the sound of the voice, I stared at Janice framed in the doorway, the light silhouetting her figure making her look heavenly. “No,� I shook my head. “You can take that as a hell no.�

She giggled, shaking her head, before running her fingers over my head, tousling my hair. Without another word she slipped completely into the house, leaving me staring at the now closed door.

This is me getting over it, moving on.

I went on a date. A date which ended with no goodnight kiss, but instead her tousling my hair like I was a silly young boy.

This is me getting over it, moving on.

I can’t help that my speed is creeping-dying-snail slow, while hers is tearing-up-the-road fast.

*^*^*

“Hey,� She said softly.

It's hard to remember how it felt before

A man never regrets giving his girlfriend a key to his place, until he looks up one day, sees her standing there looking…beautiful and knows he can’t have her anymore because she’s crossed over into Ex-land. Or at least that’s how it was working for me, at that very moment.

I glanced up from where I’d been slouched over on the couch, in front of the TV, staring more through it than at it—and there she was.

No smile, no open arms, just Fionna standing there without frowning. That was about as welcoming as she got when it came to me.

Now I found the love of my life

Her curls had been tamed and subdued into that straight and sleek style she seemed to like to impress Richard with lately. I wasn’t impressed. I’d even told her so on several different occasions that I liked the way it looked curly. But apparently it didn’t matter what I thought; she wasn’t trying to impress me. Never was.

Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right

“The bitch is back.�

As if on cue, Sadie bounded out from seemingly nowhere and hopped up onto the couch and onto me. After she’d gotten her belly rubbed a few times, she was through with me and hopped back down and scurried off into the kitchen, probably looking for some crumbs that had fallen.

Typical female reaction to me though. Once they get what they want, it’s sayonara sucka, it’s hasta la vista baby, it’s nice to know you goodbye, it’s…

“Hey,� I said, forcing myself to sit upright, swinging my legs out in front of me and down onto the ground, leaving her room to sit if she wanted. “How’s your boyfriend doing?�

And after all the obstacles

Now, I know I probably shouldn’t have gone there. Especially considering the fact that I just don’t want to know about that stuff anyways. But in replace of the comment about her probably needing to turn that ‘the bitch is back’ into plural, it was the best I could do.

It's good to see you now with someone else

She shrugged, removing her jacket as she did so; eyes focused anywhere but me. “He’s okay.� Looking at me now she said, “He thinks I’m going to leave him for you.�

I had been fully prepared to feign that I was paying attention, but with that she’d gotten me to be all ears. “Are you?�

“No.� She laughed, though I failed to see what was so funny about that. “Why would I? The whole point in us dating in the first place was to get other people to like us.�

“Yeah,� I sighed. “And it worked marvelously.�

“I’m sorry about Janice. It did seem like it was going to work for awhile there.�

I stared at her, searching her face to see if she knew what exactly had happened. Had Janice talked to her about it? Told her everything? A few days had past since that kinda, sorta, not really date had happened—they could have talked.

I searched her face for a trace of laughter, a smirk, something to let me know that they’d had a good ol’ time laughing at my expense.

But there was nothing there to see, just Fionna looking growingly annoyed at the fact that I was staring.

“Yeah, but it didn’t.� I shrugged. “Actually, I don’t even think it was ever going to work. She just wasn’t feelin’ me like that. Guess that makes her a good friend to you though. But life goes on.�

She nodded. “It’s weird though.�

“What is?�

And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends

“Us.� She said, gesturing her hand back and forth between us. “Being broken up. I mean, I’d actually gotten used to being with you. It felt like we were real, you know like a real couple.�

I nodded, because I didn’t know how to voice all the things I really wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that we could be real. We could be a real couple. That’s what I wanted, if she wanted it too.

After all that we've been through

“Well, I better be going.� She suddenly announced as if she’d read my mind and wanted to leave before some of my unspoken thoughts slipped out.

I sighed but didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at her.

I know we're cool

“You know, you were different before.� She said, halting in her retreating steps to look back at me. “Back when we were together. Nicer. I used to be the bitchy one.�

I smiled at that. “Don’t worry, Sugar Pie, you still are.�

I know we're cool

She grinned back at me. “And that’s the way it should be. Don’t go messing with a good thing, Honey Bunch.�

This is when I expected her to leave, so that I could continue to stare at the TV mindlessly. In fact, I didn’t even wait for her to leave, because even though I hated to see her leave, I loved to see her walk away, and watching that tempting sashay of hers wasn’t a luxury I could afford myself nowadays.

“I thought you were leaving?� I said, confused as hell, when instead of finding myself alone and free to be openly miserable, there was now a head resting in my lap.

She smiled up at me, making no attempt at getting up. “Well think again. Looks like you’re stuck with me for a little while more.� She said, sticking her tongue out at me. “I just remembered that Janice might have company over and I can’t be bothered with pretending like I’m a nice friendly person right now.�

I glanced at the clock on my DVR, it was nine-thirty-eight at night. I wanted to ask who the company was but resisted, not really sure I would like the answer.

“So I’m stuck wit’ ya, huh?� I said, my fingers already getting lost in her hair.

She shrugged, her body rolling onto her side but staying close mine at the same time. “You know you missed my company.�

I did, so I gave up trying to fake the funk like it wasn’t true.

We wound up watching Shrek 2 and then watching our favorite parts from the first movie again after we’d gotten into an argument over which one was better. She won. The original was better.

The TV had been on MTV for a while. Long enough for me to notice that the shows had changed a couple times, but I wasn’t paying attention to know which ones they were. Fionna’s head was still in my lap, she hadn’t really moved much since she’d first lied down. She’d let my fingers play in her hair without one compliant and if that wasn’t shocking and noteworthy enough, she’d even let my hands wander a bit. Fingertips gently gliding up and down her bare arms.

Everything was going good, going great, until she jumped up and said, “Shit, what time is it?�

Frowning, I glanced over at the blinking green digital numbers of the clock on my DVR. “Twelve-twelve.� I said, watching as she moved even further away from me and even closer to the door. “Don’t get your stories confused. You’re the Princess. Not Cinderella. You don’t have any coaches turning into pumpkins on you to worry about.�

She rolled her eyes at me and I realized that, that was the first time she’d done that since she’d arrived. Nearly three hours ago. That had to be a new record or something. Before I could say any of this outloud though, she said, “Yeah, but I do have a boyfriend who I told I would call after I dropped the bitch off.�

I just stared at her. Stared at her as she stared right back at me. I wanted to fold my arms across my chest and make this stare down standoff official, but she beat me to it.

She’d enjoy spending time with me, lost track of time and now she was throwing the boyfriend shit up in my face to push me away, to maintain that distance that she was usually so good at keeping.

Her arms dropped to her side, her frown eased away until her face was blank with faint hints of sadness around the corners of her mouth. I wanted to say something stupid, do something silly, something that would make her smile. Even if it was just one of her tiny smiles, the ones you had to know her to know were even there. Actually, that’s just the kind of smile I wanted to see. Those were my favorites. Whenever I saw one, I could know it was intended just for me.

But she beat me to the punch again. “Alright, I’m leaving.� She said, moving toward the door. “I said, I’m leaving.�

“I heard you.� I said, not looking at her and not moving from my spot on the couch. “Bye.�

“No hug?�

The question threw me so much that I had to look up and make sure we were still the only two people in the room, so it would have had to have been her saying it. The pout on her face confirmed that I wasn’t just hearing things, but it didn’t make me any less amused or amazed.

It felt like it was just yesterday when she used to put up such a fight against being hugged. And now here she was pouting over not getting one. Women, go figure.

I smiled even though I didn’t want to. “No.� I said, shaking my head.

“No hug?!� She said, her pout deepened. “Then I can’t leave.� She decided. Her arms crossed tightly against her chest in defiance.

I pushed down my eagerness to scoop her up into my arms and carry her up to my bedroom as I’d seen Richard doing her only a few day ago at her house. Finding that nonchalance, apathetic shrug I’d been working on, I shrugged. “Suit yourself.� I said, getting up and walking away.

“You’re really not going to give me a hug goodbye?� She asked, incredulously.

I turned to face her, but didn’t say anything, just watched her, admiring her new look bitterly. She wore an all white sundress with one of those floppy JLO styled turquoise hats in her hand, a matching turquoise belt around her slim waist. She’d finished the look with a pair of strappy wedges, which gave her already bootylicious frame that extra pow.

Seeing her all dolled up like this, without anyone forcing her into it—I couldn’t help but feel pissed off. She’d never once wanted to bother with looking nice like that for me.

“Okay, fine be that way.� She relented. “I’ll just have to take my hug then.� She said, walking over to me and pulling me into a tight hug before I could react against it, her hand cupped the back of my head at first, before both of her arms wrapped around my neck. When my arms finally wrapped around her waist I felt her smile, her cheek pressed against mine.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me for long.� She sounded smug and arrogant, things she’d typically scold me for acting like. Guess I was rubbing off on her, which might have felt like a small victory if it wasn’t for the fact that I wanted to rub her in a completely different way. A very inappropriate for boss to employee touch way, since that’s all she could be towards me now.

We have changed but we're still the same

I could feel myself getting caught up in the moment, in the way her body felt hugged up so close and so warm against mine, in the cloying way she smelled, in how differently she was acting—it was all pulling me down a hole that once I’d fallen into, I don’t think I’d have the strength to climb back out.

“What are we doing?� I asked, pulling away to look her in the eye.

After all that we've been through

“Um, I think it’s called hugging. But I could be wrong so don’t quote me on that.�

“Shut up, stupid. You know what I meant.�

“Actually, I don’t.�

I know we're cool

Blue eyes locked with chocolate eyes. I tried to pull all the emotions my words couldn’t convey up into my eyes so she could see them. Raw. Unguarded. No walls. No defenses. I wanted her to feel it, feel it like I’d been feeling it lately—strong and deep, all the way down to the marrow in her bones, or at the least to a warm spot between her thighs.

“You know I don’t like staring contests.� She laughed nervously, her eyes falling from mine momentarily with hints of blushing in her light brown flavored cheeks and I knew she’d felt it, too.

Pause. We both paused. Maybe time paused.

I know we're cool

Glancing at the clock I said, “It’s getting late.�

“Is that your way of telling me to get out?� She asked, giving me one of her tiny smiles.

“No, this is my way of telling you to get out.� I said, pausing to lick my lips. “Fionna?�

“Yes,� She whispered, her smile growing ever so slightly.

“Don’t leave.�

She chuckled. “That’s an odd way to tell someone to get out.�

Yeah, I know we're cool

“Maybe it would be if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t want you to get out.� I said, staring earnestly at her. “Stay.� Just when she was about to open her mouth, I kissed her. Long and hard. The way a man and a woman were meant to kiss. Gave her some of that grown folk love, that sinks down into you and curls your toes, warms your heart and doesn’t need words to be spoken. I kissed her not with love, but of it. “Please.�

*^*^*

So this is the part where I describe our mind-blowingly incredible love making, right?

If only.

After I’d kissed her I thought her not pulling away was a green light for a fast lane drive to the bedroom. We could only make it to the steps and then I was still thinking ‘okay so maybe this isn’t the ideal place to have our first time be’ but I really didn’t care where we did it. I was just aching for it to be done.

My mouth was ravishing hers, her tongue was driving me wild. Everything that had began slow, gentle—had turned frantic. My shirt had already been tossed off, her dress was just one more button away from being done the same. My hands were creeping under the hemline of the dress, when out of nowhere I heard the four most horrible words a woman could say to a guy in need of intimacy: “We can’t do this.�

“What did you say?� I asked breathlessly, hoping that she’d change her answer.

“We can’t do this.�

And I'll be happy for you

I watched her, blinking and letting the words register into my brain this time. “Oh.� I sighed. With my chest still heaving, I pulled away, moved away until I was sitting on the very bottom step, head in hand.

“Justin?�

If you can be happy for me

“Yeah?� My voice crawled out of my throat, sounding like a wounded animal that was just waiting for that final death blow to come, I looked up at her.

Circles and triangles

She hesitated, biting her lower lip. “I’m going to go.� She finally said, buttoning dress up and readjusting it.

I just nodded, wordlessly. My head back in the palm on my hands.

So far from where we've been

“Are…� She paused, as I imagined her licking her lips slowly like she usually did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. “Are…are we cool?�

I know we're cool

I looked up at her again, this time pulling the stage mask over my emotions. Watched her through eyes that I hoped weren’t shining. Eyes that I prayed wouldn’t betray me. “One of us is.� I smiled slightly.

She laughed softly. “I’m sorry.�

I know we're cool

“Don’t be.� I tried to shrug off her words, my ego not ready for an apologetic rejection at that moment. “It would have been a mistake anyways.�

“Yeah, I guess.� She nodded in agreement. Biting her lip, she added, “But I wanted to find out about the trousersnake myth.�

I grinned broadly. It was hard not to look at her for any amount of time without smiling, no matter the circumstance. I think a part of me would always smile at the sight of her. “Oh, it’s not a myth.�

As she laughed, I could see her visibly relaxing. Tension easing from her posture, her wringing hands, and tight mouth. “Whatever, weirdo. I gotta get up outta here.� She said, walking toward door now.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?�

C-cool, I know we're cool

She frowned and checked her person, probably making sure she had her purse and everything. “You mean my jacket? No, I was gonna grab that on the way out.�

“Not your jacket.� I grinned, opening my arms as I walked to her. “What about your hug?� Scooping her into my arms, I withheld the sigh of contentment at the sound of her giggling as I swung her around in my arms. Putting her down, I said, “Now you can leave.�

I know we're cool
__________________________________________
This chapter featured: Gwen Stefani "Cool"

Chapter 16: The One That Got Away
"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."
—Pascal
I stood by the exit door of the hotel café

Guilty.

I know I should feel guilty. I kissed my boyfriend’s friend. I kissed him with thoughts of going farther. Much farther. I felt incredibly guilty and Richard wasn’t helping matters. If he’d done something wrong then I could justify this, find a way to turn it around and blame it all on him. But all he’d done was continue to be as sweet as he’d always been.

He was playing with his band
I've always been a sucker had a weakness for a boy with a guitar and a drink in his hand

Maybe that’s it? Maybe he’s just too nice. I mean, Justin’s a nice guy too. But he’s got a bit of an asshole edge to him, whereas Richard as far as I’ve seen is sugar and spice and everything nice. I like that about him though. So I can’t even fault him on that. I like that he’s a nice guy. Sure, nice guys finish last, so the infamous unknown they say, but I like Richard. Richard was the walking definition of nice guy. I wanted him to win.

His words were like heaven in my hurricane
My knees buckled under

He had that likeable personality that makes a person have to put in some serious effort to not like him. His smile made me smile. His laugh made me laugh. His upbeat energy was contagious.

Even me, the pessimistic pathological liar in need of a serious attitude adjustment, as Justin had once called me, couldn’t help but see the world a little rosy when I was around him.

I thought everyone was watching me
Watching you save my life with the song

So why did I always find my mind wandering when I was alone with him?

You were mine
In the back of my mind

And not just aimless wandering, but always purposefully striding in Justin’s direction. I wanted that to stop. Needed that to stop. I’ve been trying. Trying to get my heart, or whatever it was that was fool enough not to understand why Richard was the right choice, to see, to know that this is what I wanted. Richard was what I wanted. What I needed.

Oh just for one night
Just for a while

I needed a nice guy. I’d already been with assholes. I’d already been down that road of trying to change someone into what I wanted them to be. Richard was already that. If I had ever been organized enough to sit down and make a list of things I’d want in a man. He’d be that. All that. But something, not my heart, because this wasn’t love. Was it? No, no it wasn’t. This was something else. Some unnameable something else and whatever it was, it was dense as hell.

There's always one that gets away
The one that sneaks up on you that slips away

Richard and I had everything in common, attitudes aside. He was into art. Not just any art, but my art. If I painted something, no matter how mundane, he wanted to see it. If I took a picture, he wanted to see it. He even went out to parks with me just so I could snap random things that caught my eye. He was always encouraging me, pumping me up with wild tales of my one day getting my pieces in a gallery. Justin and I had nothing in common. And in the real world opposites don’t attract unless they’re magnets or odd couples on Maury.

I knew this. I understood this.

In a closed off corner of my heart yes

So tell me why when I glanced up and spied Justin just standing across the room with a stupid little lop-sided smirk on his face, why did my heart jump? Why did things low and deep inside me tighten? Why did insane thoughts about how he was so good looking affect me, if only for a blink of an eye? Why did ridiculous feelings, even if only on a small, very small, microbe small, itty bitty bit pass through me, inferring that I…missed him? Why did just seeing him make me want to be closer? Why did I want so badly to go over and say hi?

I'll always see your face
The one that got away

Why when he finally felt my gaze on him and made eye contact, his expression going from relaxed and warm to hardened and cold in a matter of seconds before he strode away without so much as a glance backwards—why did that hurt so much?

One that got away

Why when in the next blink, Richard had come up behind me, wrapping his arms around me pulling gently, tenderly into him—why did that unnameable something else want to replace Richard’s touch with Justin’s?

*^*^*

There was some new fangled club opening tonight called Skin or something, I'm not sure. Don't really care either. It might as well have been called Show Yo' Ass, because that seemed to be what just about every hoochie up in here was doing. Strutting around with their little floss of a thong hanging out of their patch of fabric, loosely called a skirt. I think they called 'em minis. I call 'em trashy.

I guess that just makes me hater though, right? Anybody who disagrees is a hater. Then so fucking be it, Fionna Mackenzie Houston is a hater.

This was Richard's idea to come here anyways. I would have rather been pretty much anywhere doing anything else. Richard was normally a museum, planetrium type of guy, but tonight there was no talking him out of coming here. For a minute while we were arguing over it, it felt like I was talking to Justin.

The one that got away

I haven't really talked to Justin much since the break-up. Not because I've been avoiding him, I'm just—okay, okay, I'm avoiding him. It's awkward between us. I don't need awkward from him. Fake couple break up or not, he was still my boss. My boss who now since that night of...confusion when we...almost...did...but didn't, but did kiss—ever since then the hobbit is the one coming over to drop Sadie off and pick her up. So there's no contact. Maybe he's the one really avoiding me. Maybe I'm the one who's really making things awkward. Maybe I should just call him up for lunch or something. Friends can have lunch. I haven't been to PF's in a while. Not that I can't go without him, it's just...it...was our thing.

I'm not a victim of clichés
I don't believe in soul mates
Happy endings only one

Awkward. Maybe it's not him, maybe it's me. There's no our...anything. It's just a stupid restaurant that we went to way too much. I don't miss it and I certainly don't miss being his fake girlfriend. I do miss his goofy ass every now and then though. Miss the way he used to stare at me, even though it could make me so damn uncomfortable. Miss the way he always used to wiggle his fingers before I stupidly give into yet another hug. Miss the way he couldn't help his hands off me.

Oh and I met you and all that changed

What the fuck am I thinking? I shake those frightening thoughts away, push them back to the far corners of mind, into the cobwebs, hoping they'll soon be forgotten, but when I look up and find my brown eyes locking with those sea-foam blues of Justin's...

I had a taste and you're still sitting on the tip of my tongue

Suddenly, my body goes very still, like a deer caught in headlights. Flight or fight. I'm thinking about running—nothing to fight, but my own idiotic feelings—but my legs aren't getting the message quick enough. He's still watching me, surrounded in his group of friends. I know I should be looking away, moving away, doing something other than standing there stupidly, wondering if he's going to come over and approach me.

You were mine
Somewhere in time

I want him to come over. Why isn't he coming over?

I'll look for you first
In my next life

I try for a smile, but it doesn't quite reach up high enough to be noticeable before suddenly there's a woman moving in. A huzzy with more skin than clothes to be seen. She leaned into his space, brushing her fake ass Dr. 90210-given titties against his chest as she whispered something in his ear. Her lips looked like she’d asked for the Angelina Jolie look and wound up with the My-man-just-busted-me-in-my-mouth-again-but-I'm-going-to-stay-with-him-anyways-because-it's-my-fault-for-zigging-when-I-should have-zagged look instead. A lot of But-I-Love-Him bitches seemed to like to rock that look.

The bitch was still pressed up close to him, her fake ass inflated titties and lips were matched up with her Ompa Lompa orange tan in a can skin and her perpetually shocked expression, which strongly indicated that the botox was still fresh as the dough-nuts at Krispee Kreme when they flipped on that glorious sign.

There's always one that gets away
The one that sneaks up on you that slips away

Justin whispered something back to the plastic whore, something that if the botox wasn't there probably would have caused her to frown. I watched with a grin as Dr. Frankenstein's slutty monster strolled away. When my eyes wandered back over to where Justin was, there was just an empty hole in his cluster of friends where his body had once been.

Slips away

I frowned. Then shook it off, when I realized why I was frowning. Turning my attention toward non-Justin things, I finally noticed that I'd lost Richard since I'd made that immediate beeline to the bathroom, the frown was back. I didn't do well in social situations, especially when I was left to my own devices.

I started walking, wandering and when I stopped, I found myself at the bar. I was still too young to drink. Two years before I could legally get away with that one. But if the only thing standing in my way was a beer...or four from me being able to relax enough and find myself in any other state than annoyed or bored, then that was a risk I was most definitely willing to take.

I had just been handed over my drink, when a hand came out of nowhere and snatched it away. "Aren't you underage?"

I rolled my eyes, fully prepared to tell Justin to kiss my black ass, when I turned around and all those lovely words died in my throat. Narrowing my eyes at the man standing before me, I said, "Shouldn't you be out somewhere pretending to be a nice guy, just to lure some unsuspecting teen back to your place for the night?"

A slow grin caught the edges of Martin’s full lips. He licked them, just as slowly, knowing I was watching, knowing I was wondering just where that nasty ass tongue had touched me while I'd laid defenseless and unconscious in his apartment. He handed me back the glass and said, "On second thought, maybe you should drink this. I remember how...nice...and...free...you were after you'd had a few drinks."

Suddenly, I wished I had a bottle to break over his trifling ass head. I trembled with the effort it took not to try to reach out and choke his ass to death in such a public place. That's when I remembered my purse. Being that it was just a little hand bag, it wasn't big enough to put a brick in, but ever since my first run-in with Martin, I'd kept a small razor on me at all times. Naturally the razor wouldn't do much good if I allowed myself to be passed out like last time, but it just felt comforting knowing that I always had something on me to protect myself.

He must have seen the look in my eyes, in my stance, or simply noticed the way my hand was going for my purse, because he suddenly backed away—hands up with a condescending little smirk on his face. "Maybe I'll come back and talk to you, when you're feeling a little bit more…friendly." He said, before throwing a cheerful "drink up," over his shoulder as he sauntered away.

Watching him slink off into the crowd, I shuddered. Every now and then, I would get flashes. Flashes of that night. Him over me. Grunts and groans. Not sure whether they were from me or him, not caring, not wanting to know details. Not wanting to remember the little that I did remember. Waking up with a soreness and stickiness between my legs. My first time. Cherry popped.

I wouldn't call myself a romantic by any shot, but I had always pictured my first time as being special. I was supposed to be in love. That crazy in love, dangerously in love, love that Beyonce was always wailing about. That real love, love that Mary J. was always searching for. That always and forever love that had Luther crooning.

I wanted the kind of love that would make me feel like I was somewhere over the rainbow and able to blow on that song like Miss Patti Labelle did. The kind of love that would have me making some hot grits to toss at my Al Green of man if he ever wronged me. The kind of love that would have lighting up his shit on the front lawn, watching it burn while I smoked a cigarette like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale. I wanted that through thick and thin, good and bad, ups and downs love.

After I'd gotten all that, then I wanted that sweat yo' hair out, break the headboard, screaming so loud that it'll have the jealous ass neighbors calling the cops because you were disturbing the peace sex. I wanted to call out to heaven, then curse my way down into hell. I wanted the butterflies, the fireworks, the tears, the laughter, the tenderness, the passion, the love...

I wanted it all.

But all I got was—darkness. A few scattered memories from when I'd been going in and out of consciousness. All I got was pain.

A pain that's still haunting me, following me into whatever kind of relationships I've been trying to have. That's why I haven't gone very far with either Justin or Richard. Yeah, sure, the feelings are there...or it feels like they might be, or at least are growing in the right direction, but I just can't help pushing them away whenever they got too close to me.

Even though I knew it was different, they were different—but the memories which were always triggered were always the same. Pain. So much pain. I didn't want to hurt again. Maybe that's why I went ahead and followed through with the deal, to give that final push to Justin. Who knows when I'll have to do the same to Richard. Maybe I won't have to. Maybe he'll be the one to push me away.

Arms were wrapping around me from behind, lips nuzzling into my hair which I hadn't bothered to straighten. I tensed instantly. Richard must have noticed this, because the first thing he said was, "What's wrong? You okay?"

He was staring at me with so much concern in his eyes that I had to look away otherwise I might find myself a bawling mess. I hated crying in front of people, especially a crowd of people. Pushing my emotions down, I focused on the comforting touch of his hands running lightly up and down my arms, as if he was trying to warm me up. It was damn near ninety degrees outside, inside maybe a nice seventy-five, plus the added warmth of all these bodies thrown together in one room. Things should have felt like it was heating up, but I was chilled, like a fucking drink on the rocks.

Taking his hands into mine, I tried to push my lips up into a smile. "Much better now that you're back." I sighed, pressing my body to his as I wrapped my arms around his neck to hide my face. I bit down on my bottom lip when I realized being in his arms did nothing but make me just want to cry on his shoulder more.

When he didn't say anything for awhile, I began to wonder if he was trying to figure out a way to get me to confess things I didn't feel like talking about now or ever. I know Justin would have never bought that shit, he probably would have just laughed and said, "Now I know something's wrong."

But Richard wasn't Justin, so he finally nodded, his arms holding me to him for a moment longer before he pulled away slowly, dropping a tender kiss to the top of my head. He glanced over at the swaying, grinding group of bodies out on the floor, before looking back at me. "Shall we dance?" He asked, holding his hand out to me.

I had opened my mouth, fully prepared to say no as nice as possible, when my eyes caught those damn sea-foam blue eyes again. He was watching me the way that Richard had been when he'd first come up to me. Concern was written in nice, neat little letters across his face. This time he wasn't giving me time to wonder if he would come over. He was moving this way at this very moment. Dodging and weaving through the crowd that separated us, like a professional.

In a closed off corner of my heart yeah yeah yeah yeah

Tearing my gaze away from Justin's movements, I looked back at Richard, staring into his kind eyes, glanced at his hand that was still held out for me to take.

I'll always see your face

Fight or flight, I could feel the sensation rising. I'd always taken to running. Stuck to what I was good at. Justin would have said following the same game plan every time made me boring and predictable. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was.

But if boring plus predictable came out to always equal safe and painless, then that’s all the problem solving I needed to know.

The one that got away

I took Richard’s hand.

*^*^*

The one that got away

Fionna had successfully avoided me for the last hour and a half. She was standing on the other side of the room now. Alone as far as I could tell. I don't know where Richard kept disappearing to and frankly I didn't give a damn either. For all I knew, they could have gotten into a fight and she was avoiding him too.

Only thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't just being paranoid, she was definitely avoiding me. Every time I got closer and she noticed, she'd suddenly see something interesting on the other side of the room and rush over there and away from me.

The one that got away

Well, I was done chasing behind her. Standing on the other side of the room, pretending to care about what the people around me were babbling on and on about, while sneaking quick glances at her out of the corner of my eye—but that I could do.

"The industry is so fickle nowadays." the short raven haired women in the group I was standing in, but not participating in the conversation, said.

A long-haired brunette co-signed on that thought. "Yeah, it's nothing like it used to be. Artists like U2 wouldn't even exist if the industry was the way it is now, when they started. It used to be about nurturing an artist, giving them time and room to grow. Nowadays it's all about the quick buck. If you aren't producing the right numbers then...you're fired." She said, doing a horrible impression of Donald Trump.

I glanced at the circle I was in. Looking around, realizing that I was the only non-record exec in this group, I knew if I didn't slide away now, they were probably going to ask my opinion, which normally wouldn't have bothered me. I would have given my opinion without waiting to be asked, but tonight...

I was distracted, to say the least. Some guy that looked vaguely familiar had strolled up to Fionna. She didn't appear pleased to see him. She frowned.

I frowned. Started moving in her direction, when I heard, "Well, Justin, you're the designated artist of the group, what do you think?"

There was a hand on my arm, not holding me, but prompting me to stop. I didn't want to stop. My eyes were still on Fionna. The man had moved more into her space. So close that his six foot-plus frame completely blocked her from my view.

"What?" I said, unable to hide some of my frustration as I turned towards the voice.

The long-haired brunette smiled at me, unfazed. She dealt with prima donnas all day, a little attitude wasn't impressive to her. Without batting a lash, she repeated herself.

"I, uh..."

People were standing in my way now. I couldn't even see the man anymore. I needed to figure out who the hell he was and why was he pushing up on her like that. Where the hell was Richard?!

"The thing about the industry is..." I started again, but this time the crowd parted. Just enough. Fionna was in view again. The look on her face made my insides go cold before the beginnings of rage began to warm me up again. She was biting down hard on her lip, looking very near tears. Fionna never cried. I didn't even think the woman had tear ducts. But right now she was very close to proving not only that she had them but that they were fully functioning.

"The thing about the industry is what?"

My frown deepened, I'd almost forgotten they were still here, waiting on an answer. An answer to what?

"Replaceable. Everything is becoming dispensable. Why commit when you can toss it aside for the next big thing? Everything's changing, so why should you stay the same?"

There were a few moments of silence, before a medium height, medium built, average looking, completely mediocre guy nodded and said, "He's right. You can't blame the industry without blaming society as a whole..."

That's all I heard before I completely stopped listening. The man was touching her now. I could only catch glimpses when the crowd parted enough. Only saw the wandering hand of the sleaze-bag connect with her body a couple of times. Stomach. Brush of the arms. Brush of a face. Cup of the chin.

She was squirming, swatting away his touch. Her fists balled, but not striking. Anger and a touch of something else, something not completely readable...something in between fear and sadness was written across her face. Whatever the expressions were none of them were close to happy, so I had to put a stop to that.

I was only a few feet away from her now. I guess the man had decided he had harassed her enough, because he was already gone. Like magic almost. Poof—and the bastard was gone.

Fionna was still standing in the same dark corner, rubbing her arms, looking shaken.

"Who was that asshole?" I said, now close enough to reach out and touch her shoulder.

She flinched at my touch, turning to face me. She stared at me for a long moment, as if she was seeing me but not seeing me at the same time. Finally, she just shook her head and moved to leave.

I followed her hurried steps, reaching out for her again, this time taking her hand into mine. "Who was he? What was he saying to you?" I asked, having stopped moving and forcing her to do the same with my grip on her hand.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?� She snapped, her voice loud and quivering with hostility. But she didn’t try once to take her hand from me. “Obviously the whole not answering and walking away shit was meant as a big ass clue for you to just leave me the hell alone!"

I knew she couldn’t really this angry at me, so I ignored her anger and said, "Okay, could you try that again without being on caps lock?"

"Listen carefully, jackass,� She said, her voice noticeably lower. “I'm not in the mood for your shit right now. Go find one of these hot pants wearing Ompa Lompas to bug." She started to walk away again, or rather tried, but my grip on her hand remained the same.

"Where was all this fire when you were talking to homeboy?"

It looked like the flames of hell were held in her gaze as she stared at me, my hand dropped from hers automatically. She was free, but she just continued to stare me down for a moment in silence. Then a bit of the heat eased and a bit of the sadness behind it peeked through and that little bit was good enough to make me feel like a big asshole. When I reached for her again, mouth set to apologize, she pushed me away from her and didn't hesitate to retreat this time.

I wanted to go after her, to find out what was wrong, was about to...

Then I saw him. He was strolling out in the opposite direction that Fionna's anger-powered stride had led. His stroll was slow and easy, like he didn't have a care in the world. Well, I was about to give that bastard a few.

*^*^*

The parking lot was packed. Congested was more like it. There was a maze of cars standing in between the muthafucka and me. I wove through them as quickly as possible, trying to make the least amount of noise so as not to alert him to my rapidly approaching presence. I didn't want him getting in his car and speeding away--not without us having a little chat first.

He was five cars ahead of me, standing at the driver's side of a red mustang. I called out to him, my voice ringing clear in the near silent air. The only other noise was the sound of some cars still out on the road at this two o' clock hour.

He turned at the sound of my voice, leisurely. He squinted at me for awhile, as if he was trying to figure out who I was. A slow smirk curled his lips, before he flipped me off and moved as if he was going to just unlock the door and leave me in his dust.

I sprinted up next to him. Close enough to reach out and grab him, but restraining myself from doing so. I could always hurt him later, but I needed him to talk now. "What did you do to her?"

He didn't respond, just stared at me for a moment. A cocky little smirk curling his lips.

That, of course, pissed me the fuck off.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" I yelled, this time punctuating my words with a hard shove.

He didn't say anything, didn't do anything. In fact he went eerily still. My body tensed ready for him to suddenly charge me at any moment.

But he didn't move. Everything about his demeanor had stayed relatively unchanged. His smirk was still in place, but there was malice to it now.

I took a step back, not a retreating move, just giving myself some room because I saw this all leading towards a fight that I wanted to be prepared for. Repeating myself in a low, steady voice, I said, "What the fuck did you do to her?"

He continued to just blink at me, watching me but saying nothing and doing nothing else but existing. Just when my patience had worn thin and I'd made a move towards him, he said it. Told it all. Details about the feel of her naked skin. Moans. Blood. Just a little. Virgin. Tight. So tight. Tried a few different positions, just for the hell of it. Just because he could. Woke up alone. Better that way. Few broken things, few stolen things. But all in all, it was nothing that would be greatly missed or couldn’t be easily replaced.

When he finally finished, I didn't say anything. He moved to get into his car, like that was really going to be the end of the conversation. He said his piece and then peaced out. He was half-way in the car, when I snapped.

Grabbing him, I threw his body forward before slamming his head against the hood of the car, over and over again. Watching the dents form, wanting more. After what he'd told me, there could never be enough dents in the car or in his head to make up for it.

I went to slam his head into the hood for the countless time, when he suddenly began to fight back. His leg sweeping back and kicking the first piece of me he could get to, which unfortunately for me wound up being the crown jewels.

I doubled over, my grip on him loosening enough that he could free himself. He stepped back as if he was surveying me, picking and choosing his next spot to hit. When he decided, a leg flew into my stomach and the air flew out of my lungs. Since I was already doubled over, I went to my knees. He didn't hesitate this time, moving in immediately, taking his forearm around my neck, holding me in a headlock, flexing muscles I didn't notice him having before as he began to cut off my air supply.

I pulled my elbow back and rammed it into his side over and over with as much force as I could muster. When he lost his grip, I slid away, clutching my throat and struggling to take in as many shallow breathes as I could get.

We were face to face again. He threw his punches wildly. I focused on bobbing and dodging his, waiting for the right moment to strike. Ducking down from a right hook he'd thrown at my chin, I came up with an uppercut to his stomach. My hands moved like liquid lightening, lighting his ass. Each groan, grunt as he went from being on the offensive to the defensive encouraging me to make the next hit, harder, faster.

Blood was everywhere. His face was half-masked in it. I knew my own couldn't have looked much better. I didn't even remember a hit to the eye, but I could feel it beginning to swell. But I couldn't worry about that, I just focused on the feeling of my hands pounding into his chest and face as I stood over him.

I only eased up when I was too tired to throw another punch. That's when I realized he'd stopped moving. As soon as I saw the slow rise and fall of his chest, I knew he was still alive.

Pulling my leg back, I kicked him harder than I'd ever kicked anyone or anything in my life, the impact shot pain through my own foot. I blocked out my own pain, listened to his cries. Yes, he was crying. The big bad bastard was laid out in the parking out, crying. And I kept kicking. Kicking and kicking and kicking. Straight into his ribs. Hoping each shot was dangerous, breaking something, anything other than my own toes.

Out of nowhere, there came another pair of arms wrapping around me, pulling me away. I shoved out of the grip, spinning on my heel, body tense and ready for the next fight. If he had friends coming to his aide, I was more than willing to show them to the same ass whooping. My rage had come over me so quick and so strong, that I couldn't think of anything else but hurting whatever was set in front of me. Needed to take that emotional pain from my heart out on a tangible, physical object.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" Richard exclaimed, still struggling to pull me away.

I stopped struggling when I realized who it was. Stop moving and just stood there, motionless. My breathing heavy, chest heaving, the adrenaline still pumping strong enough that most of my injuries were still a dull thud that I knew would all too soon turn into a roaring pain. I didn't say anything, didn't have anything to say, just stared down at where the man who'd raped Sugar Pie lay on the ground.

He was still breathing and watching him continue to breath, to live was fuel to my rage.

"Shit, man, fighting like that," Richard started, watching the man himself as he shook his head. "You could have killed him."

Still staring at man's body, I wiped the blood from my mouth. As I made eye contact with Richard, I noticed a still visibly shaken Fionna holding herself and rocking gently a few feet away in the light of the building. She was the only one not watching the fallen man struggle to re-learn how to breath.

I spit in the asshole's direction and said "That was the point."

*^*^*

"You know you didn't have to do that." Fionna said, cleaning my wounds by running a cool wash cloth across any bloodied area. Come to find out that most of the blood wasn't mine, but the swollen black eye, busted up lip and bruised abdomen was all mine.

The adrenaline was gone, leaving only pain in its wake. But no regret, I would do that shit all over again if I had to.

"It was nothing." I grunted, as she held the cloth on the side of my face, against the jaw. It felt almost like it was unhinged, but I wasn't going to complain. It could have all been a lot worse.

She laughed softly, shaking her head. "You know, you men are all the same. Always gotta fight. Always gotta pound your chest. Could come back with half of your body blown off and you’d still say 'Oh, this? That's nothing.' I thought the pretty boys were different. Guess not."

When she moved to wipe at another wound, I lifted my hand, trying very hard not to wince, holding her hand in mine, I stopped her movements. My dark blue eyes searched chocolate browns as I said, "No one does that to someone I love." I paused, wanting very much for those words to soak in, because that’s as close as I could get my tongue to the real thing. "Not without me having something to say about it."

I let go of her hand, slowly. She didn't say a word for a long awhile, just went back to gently wiping my face in silence. When she did go to say something, I cut her off. "No one." I watched her intently. I needed her to understand this. "Especially not you."

She watched me in a silence, before taking a shaky deep breath. She nodded.

"You could have gone to jail." She said, swiping at her eyes with a frown and then wiping my wounds a little angrily now, causing me to wince slightly. "If the police had been called, you'd be sitting in some jail cell right now. What will the little teenieboppers think of their precious Justin Timberlake then?"

Her bottom lip was quivering. She bit down on it hard enough to draw blood. I took the damp towel from her, scooting in closer. I didn’t have any words, all I had was the need to be closer. Closer. Closer. Slowly. Giving her every chance to back away. Then I leaned in, my lips capturing her bottom lip. When she gave another shaky sigh but didn't move away in the slightest, I moved in to deepen the kiss.

Pain surged through body parts not ready to move again just yet, but I ignored it to be closer to her. My hands getting lost in her curls, I smiled.

That's when Richard walked back into the room.

"Man, that was crazy." He said, looking back and forth between the two of us. His face read of excitement, but no suspicion. I'd managed to move a good enough distance away from Fionna. But the tension from being almost cold busted was thick in the air. We both just stared at him.

I could tell he didn't have even a beginning of a clue about anything that had gone on tonight and when I looked at Fionna, I knew that if she got her way Richard would probably never know.

"I still can't believe you did something like that. I've known you since elementary and I've never—not once—seen you get into a fight." He chuckled. "You look like shit."

I rolled my eyes, which really only wound up being my right one, the good one I had at the moment. I grinned and put a little bit more distance between Fionna and I. I needed to. Richard standing there or not, didn't stop the feelings from rumbling around inside of me. I said, "You shoulda seen the other guy."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "For real though, you do look pretty bad. Maybe I should call your mom."

I was glad that he wasn't asking any questions about why the fight had happened in the first place, but this was worse. As Richard was reaching for the phone, I leapt up as best I could, ignored the searing pain and snatched the phone away. With bugged out eyes, I cried, "Are you crazy?"

"What?" He frowned, completely failing to see the problem. "You look like hell and for all I know you might need real medical attention. It's not like that face of yours is used to getting pounded like that everyday. If it was your ass then there wouldn't be anything to worry about."

I narrowed my eyes at Richard. "Not a good time for the gay jokes." I said, holding my head and adding, "And I already have a big enough headache without you calling my mom and adding to it. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

I moved away from the couch in Fionna's house that I'd been sitting on for the last thirty minutes, letting her play doctor. I glanced at Fionna. Her eyes were watching my every move. She looked like she was wrestling with her mind to find a reason why I should stay. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. When I got to the door and was just about to open it, I felt arms gently wrap around me from behind, a head resting on my back. Every touch hurt, but I didn't resist one.

I knew it was Fionna, not because there was only two options of who it could be, because Janice was out at who knows where, but because I could recognize her smell: cheap soap. She was wearing some kind of perfume, for Richard of course, but underneath that was the soap smell I'd grown so used to.

She sighed, taking a step back. She whispered, "Thank you."

I opened my mouth to say—what I don't know, but before I could even begin to try to figure it out, Richard called out to Fionna and she went trotting off like the good little girlfriend.

Alone—I was alone again. I should be getting used to this.

"You're welcome, Fi." I said, more to the air than to her, since I was standing alone.

You're. Welcome. Fi. The lamest three word combination I could have come up with to respond. But shit, what good would saying those other more well known three little words out-loud have done?

I was just about to walk out the door, when I heard, "Fi-on-na! My name's Fionna."

I turned around expecting to see her standing there, smirking. But when I did, there was just the air and me.

That girl had issues. And maybe I had issues too, because I couldn't help but love being around her.
_________________________________________
This chapter featured: Pink “The One That Got Away�

Chapter 17: Price For Living
“It’s like going to eat at a fabulous restaurant, having a fabulous time, eating a fabulous meal but getting angry when the bill comes. The bill is the pain.�
–-Yul Brynner (paraphrased) on the pain that love brings.

If these walls could talk, they'd probably say that a lot of people have been screwed in this hotel room, but Justin Timberlake has yet to become one of them.

Black Snake Moan had been in post-production for going on two months now. My new project?

Other than moping around and being so pathetic that none of my friends want to be bothered with me anymore, I guess I didn't really have anything to do. I needed something to do. An album to work on. A studio to be holed up in for long hours. A movie set to be filming in. A stage to perform on. A fucking life to live. Something.

So that's why I left. I was going stir-crazy in my house, so one day I just got up, got in my car and drove. I think my car turned into the Nightrider car because I seriously don't remember driving, but I must have driven since I do remember parking. When I got out of the car, I just stood there for a moment wondering where the hell I was.

I was outside of the Ritz. When I realized that, I thought about just turning around and heading home. But then I thought, what am I rushing home to? Sadie's been over at Fionna's house so much I think she's forgotten where she actually lives. I would have gone and picked her up, if that didn't involve going to pick her up at Fionna's place, where Fionna could answer the door and where I would have to pretend like I was okay.

I don’t love her

I mean, I am okay. I haven't gone off the deep end. I'm not popping pills or slitting my wrists or anything over the top like that. I'm just...

Crushed. And I don't necessarily feel like pumping myself up anytime soon. I was okay with being deflated for the time being; I just didn't need or want an audience to do it in front of. So I left.

I tried to tell myself
But you can see it in my eyes

That's why I'm staying alone in the Ritz. I didn't tell anybody that I was here, except Trace. Not even my mom. I knew she'd just call and tell me to suck it up and be a man. Well, fuck that. I can be a man later. Right now pouting and being anti-social sounded about right to me.

I had just gotten back from my exciting trip to the open bar they had downstairs, where I could be around people without having to really be with them. I knew it was time to go when the drunk girl who could hardly keep her boobs from popping out of her shirt (Tara Reid) stopped trying to flirt with the barstool which she'd mistaken for the bartender in an attempt to get a free drink because she was pissed that it was ignoring her, even though apparently—and I'm quoting now—he was so in love with her the night before.

A barstool's love is a fickle thing. I guess Tara had to find that out the hard way though, because after that she just got really pissed and started cussing, but it wasn't really cussing, I mean it sounded like cussing. It had the right tone, but the words were all wrong. Instead of fuck you, motherfucker—for example—she would say things like tuck you, mothertucker. Instead of bitch it was yitch. Instead of ho, it was...well, actually she did get that one right. I guess when a word gets tossed at you enough you eventually learn how to pronounce it even when you're nearly blackout drunk.

When I made it back to my room, I unlocked the door and headed straight for the bathroom. I dunno, but hanging around the same vicinity as Tara for too long just made me feel like I needed to take a shower. But when I walked into the bathroom there was only one small problem. Just one tiny problem. My tub was already occupied.

By some long raven haired woman, who looked too peaceful, laying there in my tub, in my bubbles with her eyes closed, to be a stalker fan.

I watched her for a long moment, trying to figure out how she could have possibly gotten into my room. This floor was supposed to be secured. Nobody without my express permission should have been allowed on this floor. I'd only seen one person since I'd checked in. Only one person had access to this floor other than me.

Grabbing my cell, I quickly dialed. It was answered on the second ring. "Trace, what the hell did you do?"

"What are you talking about?"

So don’t deny

"I'm talking about the naked woman in my tub." I hissed into the phone.

"Why are you talking about her? I didn't send her over there for you to just..."

"So you did send her! You fucking..."

"Ungrateful bastard. That's what you are. I'm trying to help you out. You get laid, you relax. You relax maybe you'll see how incredibly ridiculous you're being. She was just a girl. You've dated lots of girls. Pretty girls. Gorgeous girls. Fucking super model girls."

I can’t fool no one else
The truth is in the tears I cry

"I'm tired of that shit though. I mean, damn, you just listed three types of girls I usually date, not one of those categories entails anything other than the physical. Where were the smart girls? The funny girls? The athletic girls? The goal-oriented, self-motivated, independent girls?"

"Dude, everybody knows when you choose to describe a girl based on everything but her looks that can only mean one thing: dog-faced."

"Calling someone a smart girl isn't bad."

"Woof, woof." He said. "Dog-faced nerd."

"What's wrong with funny girls?"

"Dog-faced chubbo."

"Althetic?"

"Dog-faced and flat chested. Bad combination."

"Okay and lemme guess...the goal-oriented, self-motivated, independent girl is...what? A dog-faced bitch?"

"Woof, woof." He laughed. "By George I think he's got it!"

"You know you can be a real asshole sometimes."

"What do you expect? You are the company you keep and look at who my best friend is."

’Cause if it isn’t love

I sighed. "Well, I don't want to be that guy anymore. That superficial, at first sight, dick-driven guy. That's why I did the whole deal thing. I wanted something different. Someone different."

"So that didn't work. What's plan B?"

Why do I feel this way?
Why does she stay on my mind?

"There is no plan. Just...her."

"You tried, man. There's just no chemistry between you and Janice. You can't force it. It's just something that either you have or you don't."

"With Fionna, I do."

And if it isn’t love

"And what category does she fit in?"

"All of them…I guess."

"Impossible." He said, matter of factly.

"Okay, I don't know about athletic. But that doesn't really matter all that much. But she is everything else."

"You're telling me that Fionna is a fucking super model?"

"She could be. 6'0" with legs to put Tina Turner to shame, coke-bottle shape, nice round apple bottom, fairly busty, cute face, slim in the waist, beautiful smile when she happens to smile. And she doesn't walk, she struts. She sashays. It's like fucking poetry in motion. I feel inspired when I watch her strut her stuff. Smooth cocoa brown skin. All natural. The woman hardly wears make-up and she doesn't need to. She's flawless."

Why does it hurt so bad?
Make me feel so sad inside

"You're seeing her through your little love haze. She's pretty, I'll give you that. I could even see gorgeous if she stopped sneering so much. But fucking super model?" His voice dissolved into chuckles.

"Whatever, she's the one."

If it isn’t love

He groaned, loudly. "Please don't start this shit again. You've said this about damn near every woman you’ve fallen for. Katie was the one in eighth grade through ninth. Veronica was the one in tenth. Jamie was the one in eleventh. Michelle was the one senior year. Britney's been the one ever since then. Now suddenly, Fionna's the one?" He scoffed. "Man, shut the fuck up with that shit and go have fun with that woman in your tub. If she was one, you wouldn’t have given up. So hurry before that girl starts pruning up and shit."

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with her?"

Chuckling, he said, "A be-a-u-tiful naked woman in your tub. Waiting for you. Take a wild guess what you're supposed to do with her."

"But she's not..."

So if it isn’t love

"The one? No, Neo, she isn't. But she is the one who's sitting in your tub. Naked."

"Trace, I'm not fucking some groupie or better yet some two-bit huzzy you picked up off some corner, man!"

"She's not a groupie. Not a prostitute. You've even met her before. Remember when we were at Skin? Right before you decided to waste the evening chasing after Fionna who was clearly avoiding your ass. She was the hott ass chick you were dancing with."

"Brenda?"

Why do I feel this way?
Why does she stay on my mind?

"Brianna. Close." He chuckled. "Look, names aren't that important right now. She knows what the deal is. She seems like a cool girl, who's fine with being fucked for just one night. A guaranteed stress-free lay with no morning after drama...you're welcome." And before I could argue or say anything, he added, “Have a good night if you know what I mean.� Then the phone went dead on his end.

When I went back into the bathroom, I fully expected my next words to be along the lines of ‘There’s obviously been a mistake here, so I’m sorry but you’re going to have to leave.’

Only that’s not quite how things went down.

The next day I woke up alone in the mess I’d made the night before and realized I ain’t cut out for this kind of shit. I liked being in a relationship. I liked having a woman put me on ‘lock down’ as Trace liked to call it. The crack of the whip over my head was okay.

*^*^*

So I called her to come over. The second after I’d hung up the phone, the butterflies in my stomach came alive and decided it was time to have a rave—with glow sticks, ecstasy, and horrible techno music and all. So I was nervous. It was just Fionna. I knew that. But at the same time it wasn’t just Fionna.

Not sure when that happened exactly, but she stopped being just Fionna a long time ago. Now she was the raver butterfly bringer. Now she was the one I couldn’t get my words out around. Which made asking her to come over so much harder than it needed to be. After she finished laughing at me for a few minutes, then she must have translated my jibberish back into English and said she’d be over soon. What’s soon though?

Maybe I should change. I’ve changed five times already. Nothing seems right. God, what the hell am I doing to myself? I’m supposed to be a man. Men don’t do this.

Men fix things, pump iron, grunt in garages—that’s what I’ll do! No, not the grunting or fixing things, I’ll work out. That should help me relax.

After I’d worked up a decent sweat, I glanced at the clock and cursed at myself for thinking I had time for something like that. Now I smelled and definitely was in need of another shower.

Five minutes into my second shower, I could have sworn I heard someone calling to me. Perking my eyes, focusing on the sound, I recognized the voice. Fionna. I popped my head out of the bathroom and yelled for her to come upstairs.

When I walked out of the bathroom again, she was sitting on my bed dressed in a jeans and a t-shirt. Her curls pulled into a messy bun. She didn’t have to try to be impressive to impress me.

“You invited me over for a strip tease?� She asked, eyebrows raised, head tilted, that tiny smile of hers in place. Her eyes scanned my body once and then she only looked me in the eyes.

I’d nearly forgotten I hadn’t gotten dressed. Just knowing she was here, I couldn’t help but want to come out and see her. As lame as that sounds.

I licked my lips, watching her sit on my king-sized bed, my mind wandering to positions I could have that ample ass of hers in.

“Well, am I gonna get a show? Or are you just gonna stand there and stare?�

I watched her for another moment, trying to read her face, to see if she was going somewhere with this that I just wasn’t following. Did she really want this?

I trailed my fingers around the top of the towel wrapped loosely on my hips. Watched her eyes follow where my fingers went. Over meticulously cut abdomen, slowly up the V-cut of my pelvis, circling my nipples. Then I stopped.

When my hands went back to my sides, her eyes slowly trailed up over my exposed body, finally meeting my eyes.

I smiled. She smiled back. Tiny one, but it was there nevertheless.

I took a step towards her. She tensed. I stopped. Waited. Took another. Then another. And another. Another.

I was standing directly in front of her. The front of my towel brushing her knee.

Fingering the knotted edge of the towel, I said, “Ready?�
*^*^*

He was playing with the towel, making moves like he was actually going to take it off. On the inside, I was running around in a circle screaming ‘Oh, my God! Oh, my God!’ On the outside, I was trying very hard to keep my face blank, my hands at my side and my mouth from dropping open. I was going to call his bluff.

He was starting to pull the towel away from his moisture beaded body. God, let this all be a bluff. There has to be some boxer shorts under there.

The towel was creeping lower and lower. Then finally, he just tugged at it. It fell to the floor.

There was no bluff, no boxers underneath it all. Just bared flesh. He was right, it wasn’t a myth.

And so it is
Just like you said it would be

Forcing my eyes to his, I was practically sitting on top of my hands and biting down on my lips to keep the fact that I was freaking the hell out on the inside from leaking out.

I swallowed and turned away and tried my damnest not to go running towards the door. “You’re naked.� When I heard that my voice hadn’t stammered once, I was so happy I could have done back flips, if I knew how to do back flips. Or front flips, or any kind of flip for that matter.

Life goes easy on me
Most of the time

He had the grace to look embarrassed as he leaned over to pick up his discarded towel. When he straightened up again, he was shaking his head.

“Don’t shake your head at me.�

“I gave you what you wanted and it still wasn’t good enough.� He sighed.

I rolled my eyes and pushed myself to my feet. “I didn’t think you were really going to do it. Or if you did, that you’d actually not have anything on.�

“If I still had something on, what kind of strip tease would that be?�

“I don’t know! A tease, maybe. It’s not like I have this kind of thing happening all the time.�

“So I was your first?�

And so it is
The shorter story

I frowned and just stared at him in silence. Men always seemed to want to be your first something. I moved in close to him, close enough to get a good whiff of his soap and shampoo scented body. Punching him in that rippling abdomen of his, I smiled as he grunted. Since I’d been with Richard, it had been a long while since I’d punched someone. I was long overdue.

“You’re lucky I like it rough, Sugar Pie.� He said, straightening and stretching, the towel sliding down his hips a bit. He noticed me noticing and smiled through his yawn.

“Tired? Or am I just that boring?�

He smirked and tilted his head to the side, licking his lips. “I think you already saw proof enough that I find you very…exciting.�

Feeling a rush of heat flood into my face, I had to look away. When I heard him laughing, I turned back with a frown. “What’s so funny?�

“You are the hardest to impress woman I’ve ever met.�

“Have you ever tried to impress me?�

He opened his mouth, then closed it. Did that a few more times, before he shook his head. “Well, I guess I haven’t tried, per se.�

“There you go.�

He nodded, thoughtfully chewing on the inside of his mouth. “What about that necklace I got you? You weren’t impressed with that. Otherwise you would have worn it. Once.�

I watched him watching the floor with his arms crossed at his chest looking like he was shy or something. But I knew better. “I might not wear it. But I keep it in my purse. So it’s with me.� I pulled it out to show him the proof.

His head raised as I raised the necklace into view. “So you’ve always got my heart.� He smiled.

No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

He watched me for a long moment, long enough to make me uncomfortable. Finally, he said, “I’m gonna go change into something. Try not to fantasize about Lil’ J too much.�

“Lil’ is hardly a word I’d use to describe it.� My eyes widened and my hands shot to cover my treacherous mouth. Shit. Shit. Shit! I did not just say that out loud, did I?

No, I didn’t.

It would be a lot easier to believe that if Justin wasn’t laughing his little ass off right now.

“Shut the fuck up, please.� I frowned, but wasn’t able to hold it as I watching him laughing. It wasn’t long before I was laughing too.

“I impressed you. Ha! I fucking impressed you.� He said, dancing around the room with the biggest grin on his face.

Still fighting down my smile and laughter, I said, “Aren’t you supposed to be getting dressed?�

He stopped moving, stopped dancing and watched me for a moment with that big grin still on his face. “Thank you.�

“For what?� I frowned, being confused made frowning so much easier.

“For noticing me.�

I can't take my eyes off of you

The conversation had taken a turn into Serious Lane and I definitely didn’t like it. “What are you talking about? How could I have possibly been around you all this time and not noticed you?�

“That’s what I’ve been asking myself for the longest, Sugar Pie.� He smiled. A small, slow one.

I can't take my eyes off you

I watched him. Watched him standing near the doorway of the bathroom, wearing just a towel and a little smile. Vulnerable is never a word I thought could apply to Justin Timberlake. But as I watched him, watching me, quietly, looking just a touch on the unsure side, I noticed that there was more to Justin than I’d allow myself to see before.

He was actually the first one to look away for once, glancing at his toes for a moment—a shy gesture.

He was being shy around…me? I’m not Janice. Not even close.

I can't take my eyes off of you

I watched him, staring at his toes. Watched him glance back up hesitatingly meeting my gaze. Noticed that when he licked his lips, that wasn’t the cocky bastard move I’d always figured it was. It was just another nervous gesture. Just like I did.

I made him nervous?

I can't take my eyes off you

I watched him, watching me now. Noticing that his steady gaze wasn’t as easily done as I’d always assumed it was. He was forcing himself to hold my gaze and it was obvious.

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

I licked my lips, glanced at my feet. “I notice you, Honey Bunch. Even when I shouldn’t. Especially when I shouldn’t. So don’t thank me. Not for that.�

He smiled, slow and easy. I smiled, a tiny one, barely an upward curl of lips.

And so it is
Just like you said it should be

He moved toward me. I tensed without thinking. My body froze. He hesitated. I relaxed, slowly. He moved in close. His lips close to mine, brushing, lightly, fleetingly. Teasing. “I notice you too, Fionna.� He breathed warm breath against my face, my parted lips. I licked them, grazing his lips as I did so. He smiled, small and slow. “Even when I shouldn’t. Especially when I shouldn’t.�

We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time

That’s when the phone rang. I jumped. He just smiled, turned and strolled into the bathroom. Leaving me alone. Wet and warm.

And so it is

*^*^*
"Can I move in with you?"

I was trapped in the bathroom, seated on the lid of the toilet, trying not thinking about how stupid my striptease was. Or about how I was supposed to have this big moment of truth talk with Fionna as soon as I walked back out there.

"Huh? What?" To say I was confused was a huge understatement. "Ma?" I asked, switching the phone to another hand.

"You know who it is, boy. So can I move in or what?"

"Why do you need to move in? You've been living..."

"By myself in that apartment I've been renting since the divorce. Yes, I know. But then..." Her words stopped as it sounded like she pushed out a long stream of air. "Look, I got stupid. Let your father sweet talk my ass back into the house and out of my pants and not to mention my mind. But it's okay now. I just need a place to stay for a little bit."

"Well, you know you have one with me. You don't have to ask. But what happened with you and Dad?"

She sighed and I could hear rustling like she was playing with some papers. "Same thing that always happens with us." She paused. "Bitches."

I didn’t say anything to that, because I couldn’t say anything. That’s just how my dad’s been, ever since he lost mom’s undivided. Which I suppose is my fault. If I had just been like every other kid, instead of traveling overseas trying to launch myself into stardom, maybe this would have never happened. Maybe my parents would still be happily married. Maybe my dad and I would have a better relationship. Maybe my mother would be happy. Because I know despite what she says, she’s not happy. She’s got her happiness wrapped up in a man is too busy playing games, chasing mini-skirts to see just how much he’s hurting his piece of happiness.

"Justin, baby, maybe this is a bad idea. You know, me moving in, just means moving my drama in too. And I don't want to..."

Cutting her off, I said, "Don't even worry about it, Ma. It ain't like I have a good thing going on anyways, so you don't even have to give a thought about potentially ruining anything."

"Oh, why is that, baby? Joan hasn't come around yet?"

"Janice…isn't going to come around now or ever."

"Oh, I get it." She paused, before whispering, "She's a lesbian."

"Ma, just because the girl's not interested in me doesn't mean she's a lesbian."

"Maybe not. But maybe your problem is you're always chasing after girls. Why don't you try to find a real woman? You're twenty three damn years old. I'm forty-none-of-your-business years old and I want some grandbabies. But that doesn't mean I'm saying just go out and hump the first slut who knows how to lay on her back. I don't need no crackhead babies to fool with."

"Ma, you know I think crack is whack." I laughed.

"Okay, Whitney, whatever you say. Just don't mess with no crackhead. Check out more than just the physical before you get physical. Otherwise you're gonna find yourself always being led with the wrong head and if you get propelled by the wrong head too many times you might make your girl have to go Lorena Bobbitt on yo' ass."

Laughing, I said, "You wil'n' right now, Ma."

"I know." She sighed. "Hey, maybe we could have dinner together tonight. How does that sound? Then we could talk about this moving in nonsense and how that can be avoided, because frankly even if I don't mess up your game, I definitely don't need you all up in my Kool-Aid." She giggled. "Were you doing something when I called? I guess I shoulda asked that sooner. I hope I didn't interrupt anything with you and Jonelle."

My mouth was fixed to correct. But what’s the point? I might as well give up. I think by now it had become pretty clear that she was never gonna remember Janice's name anyways. "I was just talking to Fionna when you called."

"Oooh, Fionna, huh? So who's the new chick?"

"She's not a new chick."

"Okay, so who's the old chick?"

Shaking my head, I chuckled. "She's just..." I trailed off, trying to decide what to call her. It’s not like my mother knew anything about the deal. And I felt kinda…stupid about it all now, so I didn’t really want to get into it. "She's my dog-sitter."

"Well, no wonder you've never mentioned her name before. So how's the doggie doing?"

And that's when I felt bad. Fionna was more than just someone who took care of Sadie for me. More than just some chick, new or old. I just...

I didn't feel like talking about it, explaining to someone else about how I feel and why I feel the way I do. Didn't want the same 'get over it' lecture. Or even a 'go for it, fool' speech.

Because going for it wasn't an option. I mean, I had pretty much laid it out for her that night after the fight. True, I just didn't come out and say the words: I love you. But c'mon, it was close enough.

My physical bruises were pretty much all healed since then, but didn’t mean I didn’t still feel that sting of when she’d left my side and run back to Richard the second he called after everything I said and after everything I did.

Too bad, nobody makes band-aids for ego bruises.

*^*^*

Once he was gone, I sat alone on the edge of his bed. Watching the bathroom door. Watching, waiting, listening. Then when my mind really wrapped around where I was, who I was waiting on, and everything that we were but weren’t anymore, I stood. Exit bedroom, enter family room.

Plopping down on one of his couches, I stared up at the ceiling trying to keep my thoughts on anything but him. Naked. Nude. All natural. All over me. Rolling onto my side, with my face facing into the couch, I curled up, closed my eyes and tried to think of a way out of this.

It felt like everything was leading up, building up, to something I probably wouldn’t want to deal with. The front door was calling my name. I could just get up and slip away right now and there would be nothing he could do to stop me. But I always run away. I don’t want to be so predictable—mostly ‘cause it amuses him, because it makes him think that he knows me.

I heard soft padded footfalls, but I didn’t turn around. Stayed curled, back facing the approaching feet. Made me less nervous, less anxious to take to running if I thought of it as just feet. Then…nothing. I couldn’t hear anything.

My ears perked, my body tensed. Was I just hearing things before?

That’s about the time that I felt those creeping feet kick me in my booty. Jumping up, I frowned at Justin’s smiling face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?� He said, taking a seat next to me, still grinning.

Apparently my glare didn’t faze him anymore. Damn. Either he was growing immune or I was getting sof—

No, he was growing immune. “Actually, I was just leaving.� I said, disappointing even myself by falling back into my old running ways. But hell, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

His hand darted out, wrapping around my wrist, pulling me back to him. I turned to him, expecting him to say something predictable like ‘don’t go.’ But apparently Justin wasn’t that predictable. Or maybe staring was just more his style than speaking like a normal person.

I stared at a spot just above his head, so as not to fall into the trap that was his gaze. Tugging my arm, trying to escape but failing, I sighed. “Is there some point in this? Or do you just like holding women captive in your home?�

He has a little game that he plays

His grip loosened then fell away completely. But still…

He said nothing.

Clever little ways and a hot boy style

I frowned. “Speak. Say something. Just stop this staring contest.�

The beginning of a smile crinkled the edges of his eyes and mouth at the same time. “You haven’t looked back at me long enough to make this a staring contest.�

Lately he's been checking for me
Telling me how much he wants to be

My eyes went to his, just as I’m sure the bastard knew they would, because he’d made it seem like a challenge. So I had to accept. Goddamn it, maybe I am predictable. Or worse yet, maybe he really does know me.

“So I’m looking. Now what?�

He shrugged, leaning back into the couch. His eyes never leaving mine. “It’s whateva you want.�

Wants to be the one to replace

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “You think you’re smooth. But you’re not. You managed to remember your pants this time, but you still don’t have a shirt on. And then you lean back, as if you’re offering me your body. And what? I’m supposed to just jump on you?�

His smile spread, slow, easy and oh, so very confidently across his face. Licking his lips, he sat up straight again, his hands reaching out toward me. And just when I thought he was going to wrap his arms around me, his chest leaned in so close to mine it was nearly brushing, he grabbed something behind me. Pulling it into view, he sat back where he was before and slipped the white wifebeater that I hadn’t even realized was behind me over his head. Then he leaned back into the couch again. Watching me with his Chesire cat grin still in place.

“Now I have a shirt on. So what do you wanna do?�

Replace the man that waits at home for me

The same thing I wanted to do before: jump on you. “I have a boyfriend. Your friend. Remember him?�

Oh no I can't let you

His eyes fell away from me and I got a distinct urge to kick my own ass. Two or three wordless blinks later, the eye contact was back as he said, “Did you remember him when we were upstairs, or the night of the fight, or the night when we almost…� He trailed off, his eyes dropping from mine for a blessed moment. I could always think so much better when he wasn’t watching me. “Did you remember him those times we kissed?�

Get the best of me

His sea-foam blues were all over my chocolate browns. I was feeling trapped, backed into a corner I couldn’t fight out of. “I-I…we…shouldn’t have…y-you know that.�

Even though deep inside
Something's dying to see

He sighed, his gaze falling from mine. He licked his lips—no confidence this time, just a nervous gesture. I bit my lip, wondering if this was one of those conversations that ended in tears. Mine or his?

“If it would make it easier for you to admit your feelings, your true feelings, I’ll turn off all the lights and pretend to go to sleep. But only if that’ll help your honesty to find its way out past those lies you’re stammering and st-st-stuttering to get out.�

How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me

Shaking my head, I found myself smiling despite myself. I mirrored his small smile with hints of sadness around the edges as I said, “If you pretend to sleep and I know you’re pretending, it doesn’t matter. So you might as well be awake for this. So here’s the truth. I like you, for as much as you annoy me. I like you…as a friend. I do. That’s it.�

Feelings coming on strong
I know that it's wrong

“That’s it?�

“Is there an echo in here?� I said, my lip going for a smile but never quite reaching that high. I wouldn’t look at him, say these things and smile. Even if I was just doing to for the sake of lightening the mood.

I can't let you get the best of me

He sighed, rolling eyes up to the ceiling. Hands on top of head, he paced the floor. Sucking his teeth, he stared at me. Determinedly, as if he’d just come to some decision in his mind. “I’ve always seen you as having this untouchable confidence. That’s what you project. If no one takes the time to really look, to really see, to really notice you. That’s what they’d see. Untouchable, unbreakable I-don’t-need-you-or-anybody confidence. And it’s intimidating. Intimidating to the regular Joes, but more so to the man who’s trying to get close to you. But the more time I’ve spent with you, the more time I’ve gotten to really notice you. You and all the quirks that comes with you.�

“Quirks? Quirks like what?� I asked, arms crossed, head tilted to the side.

“Like how you don’t take bites, you always nibble on things. How you rarely give full smiles, but rather these teeny tiny ones that could almost be mistaken as a sneer. How you never sleep for more than three or four hours in a row. How much you suck at giving eye contact, but the moment it’s made into a challenge you rise to the occasion. How you love to pretend that you don’t want hugs, but as soon as you’re in it, you sigh softly.� He paused and just smiled at me for a moment.

The best of me

Smiled long enough that it made me want to smile back, until he said, “You aren’t so tough you know that? You may think you are, but you aren’t. Because someone who’s honest to God tough, doesn’t need to construct all these walls to distance themselves from everybody. A truly tough person opens themselves up to experiences, knowing that there’s going to be a few bumps here and there but that’s life, that’s the price for living. And they know they can handle it. Instead you close yourself off to the good so afraid of the bad that might come along with it.� He paused and took a step toward me. Without thinking I took a step back. He just smiled like he knew I was going to do that, which then forced me to have to take that step back. His smile only grew.

So busy trying to play with my head
Telling me how he could blow my mind

“I know you’ve been hurt in the past. I know you’ve been taken advantage of. I know that. I know about Martin. And in knowing how you are, I know that you never did want me to know about that. But I know. Now I just need you to know that I’m not him. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I lo—�

Something about the things that he said
Made me want to take it there one time

“Stop. Just stop. I don’t want to hear the rest. No more lies.� Pushing to my feet, I paced, running my fingers through my hair—staring at the ceiling. When my eyes landed on him, my legs immediately stopped moved and that traitorous liquid slid down my cheek. “Fuck.� I sighed, swiping at my face. “If you’re thinking this is the part where I fall all in love with you…you can guess again. ‘Cause it ain’t going down like that. I’m sure that’s what you’re used to. A lil’ charming and then the girl is completely disarmed and ready to jump into your arms with professions of amor. Well I ain’t that girl. And I ain’t jumping.�

“Fifi…�

“Don’t call me that! You know I hate when people call me that.� I frowned, grateful for the little bit of anger I was feeling. At least that was an emotion I was used to and comfortable dealing with. Holding onto that anger, I said, “That’s even worse than Fi. Sounds like a fucking dog’s name. And I may be a bitch but I’m not a dog. I’m not going to wag my tail and jump all over you when you get home.�

“You’ll still lick me though, if I pet you right?� He smirked.

I was frowning and slightly pissed and he was smirking. Normally that alone would have helped to tighten my grip on my anger, but…

Gawddamn it, just looking at him, being near him was making it hard to keep frowning for some reason. And that was a new one for me.

I should be walking away

“You never quit, do you?�

As soon as I said the word quit, it hit me. That’s what I’d do. I’d quit and then I’d be done with this. With him. No more worrying, no more trying to figure out impossibly frustrating love shit. I could just walk away and never come back. Sure there was the small matter of finding a new place to work, that would pay enough and give me the flexibility to maintain the schedule I’d grown used to with Justin. But if I had to succumb to 9-to-5ing it just to make sure that this (whatever this is), would never become and a that worth looking back on. Well dammit, that was just the risk I was going to have to take.

“I quit.�

‘Cause his hand's up on my thigh
Should I leave, should I stay?

“You what?�

After all it's just one night

“I quit!� I said, triumphantly. “I quit, I quit, I quit!� I smiled then. It felt good, coming up with a plan and following it through. It felt damn good until I saw the look on his face, until my eyes fell on Sadie who just strolled into the room and was about to be motherless again. Maybe I could visit her…maybe…

Oh no I can't let you

No!

No, I couldn’t. This was it. Once you quit you didn’t come back. It was over.

Get the best of me

As I was walking out the door, listening to the tapping of Sadie’s claws on the floor as she trailed behind like she always did, a thought occurred to me: This following through shit…doesn’t really feel that good.

No wonder I never used to do it.
____________________________________
This chapter featured: New Edition “If It Isn’t Love�
Damien Rice “The Blower’s Daughter�
Mya “Best Of Me�

Chapter 18: Stop Frontin’

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning

I’ve seen the movie “Two Weeks Notice� and if you have, you’re probably thinking how I was. This was the part when he should have realized what a jackass he was and try to come crawling back to me. Well, that would have been the case if well…he’d done something to feel like a jackass for. But instead I was staring unemployment dead in the eye, with bills heading my way via the mailman.

There was a reason I’d quit, I just couldn’t remember it. Actually, I could remember. Somehow just as my hand reached for the phone, I’d magically remembered why.

Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Yeah, true I ‘d been getting a little desperate to find another job and despite how much being the one to crawl back didn’t appeal to me, it would be a small price to pay to get my job back. But if I went back, then what? Then do I pretend that nothing happened between us?

What did happen? I really don’t even know now. It felt like big things were going down, but now in the wake of it all I can’t really see anything all that big.

Nothing's quite the same now

We might have slept together once; he might have almost said the L-word once. Might.

I just say your name now

Oh well, time to move on. That job wasn’t that great anyways. So for the next couple of weeks, I spent my days looking through the newspaper and circling possible job choices, going to the various job sites, getting rejected and starting all over again. One day, on my way to an interview for a mind simulating job as a sanitation engineer (aka a janitor) when my car did one of its cute little tricks. You know the one where it shudders, sputters, then as a grand finale—dies. It did this right in front of some upscale animal shelter place called Pamper Pets.

I was too pissed off at the world and my luck to notice the ‘now hiring’ signs posted at the entrance, but when I walked in to ask to use their phone (since I’m probably the last human being in the world without a cell phone) I walked out with a headache, a tow truck on the way driven by a guy named Larry with a heavy ‘don’t worry about it’ New York accent and a brand spanking new job, which entailed pampering rich snotty folks’ dogs better than most people ever dreamed of getting treated.

Some might say that I’d chosen this job in the hopes that one day I’d look up and Justin would come strolling in with Sadie in tow. Well to that some, I say, fuck you—might be right.

*^*^*

Those flashing lights come from everywhere

Boxes were piled up by the door. Bags packed and ready to be taken out to the car.

The way they hit her I just stop and stare

"If I just wanted someone to stand and stare and be in my way, I would have just waited until your father got home from work." Ma said, smiling as she hip bumped on her way past me. "Stop looking so glum."

"I-I'm not."

"You're frowning. The same frown you frowned when you found out about the divorce. The same frown you frowned when we packed up all our stuff and moved from Tennessee to Florida."

"I..." I stared at the house my father had bought after my mother had followed me from Florida to LA. The house that my father had bought thinking that moving across the country and buying her a house would be a sure-fire way to get Ma to come back to him. The house that I was currently in the process of helping my mother move out of. I stared at the U-haul truck, which we’d spent the last hour and half trying to fill with all her stuff. "Am I really?"

Laughing, she pushed her long curly blonde hair out of her face. "Yeah. You really are."

I tried to relax my face, but soon gave up when all I felt was another frown coming on. "Sorry." I muttered, bending down and beginning again to move all of her things into the truck. I wanted to pay someone to do this for us, before Ma just smacked me upside my head and said, “Boy, don’t be such a lazy ass� when I’d mentioned it.

"Don't be. I've been feeling sorry for the last I don't know how many years and it hasn't done a bit of good for anybody so far."

She's got me love stoned

Another half an hour later and finally all her stuff was in the truck which just left driving her to her new place, which was also her old place, since by some strange chance of luck the apartment she’d been living in prior to moving back in with dad was still open.

We drove in silence after I’d given up trying to fight with the radio to play something other than static. Ma had been staring out the window from the moment we’d pulled out of the garage. I wondered what she was thinking about, but knew better than to ask directly.

"Ma, have you ever loved someone so much that it scares you? Like you know you'd do things for them that normally you wouldn't think you were capable of doing. They make you feel things that you don't normally feel. Your mind goes places it doesn't normally go, when you're with them. Permanent, forever...type of places. Not just I wanna see you tomorrow. But I wanna see you everyday. And you know you love them this much, but that doesn't make it any easier to just say it."

I think I'm love stoned

There was several seconds of silence, before she laughed. Loudly. "For God's sake, sweetie, lay off the estrogen pills."

Laughing too, softly, I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the road. "It was all hypothetical."

She's got me love stoned

"Right and Barney the dinosaur isn't a black man."

"He's black?"

"That's besides the point, sugar. So tell Mommie all about this little girl that's got your nose wide open. Is it Jane or someone else?"

"It's..." Half of my brain thought to say yes, it was Jane and then change the subject. The other half wasn't as smart. It won. "Someone else. But not originally. I wasn't going for her, I was going for Janice. That's who I wanted. On paper, she's everything I want in a woman. But..." I sighed and shrugged, staring straight ahead.

"But this other girl...she caught your eye."

"Justin, if you don't get away from me right now. I'm gonna stab you in the eye with this plastic spoon."

"A plastic spoon? You're gonna stab me with a plastic spoon?" I laughed. "Be real." I said, taking a step forward toward her, lips poked out for a kiss. "We have to practice."

Shuddering, she raised the spoon. "The only thing I'm gonna be practicing with you tonight is how to further develop my eye gouging with a plastic spoon skills. And you can bet ya sweet lil' high note hittin' ass that this practice will make perfect."

Laughing at the memory, I shook my head. "Y-yeah, you could say that."

"So does this mysterious girl, who you've yet to mention before this, have a name?"

"Fionna."

"Fionna..." She echoed with a frown, before snapping her fingers as her face lit up with recognition. "Your dog-sitter?" she laughed.

"Yeah..."

"Do you even have a dog, Justin? Or is dog-sitter code for some freaky deaky nastiness. ‘Cause every time I come over here, I never see the supposed furry one."

"Lately, Sadie's usually with Fionna. I think she might like her better than she likes me now." I laughed, shaking my head.

"That's her Momma."

I knew that’s something I’d thought of Fionna as, even something I’d called her out loud, but there was something about someone else acknowledging it that left me with the brilliant response of: "Huh?"

"She takes care of her all the time. That's her Momma. 'Course she's gon' like Fionna better than you."

I resisted making a comment about how easily she was remembering Fionna's name yet she still couldn't remember Janice's. I bet if I brought Janice up again, she'd still call her Jade or something. She was remembering Fionna though, that made me smile.

"So does Fionna know how you feel? How does she feel about you?"

I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh

"I can't believe you just did that to me. How can you just tell her that we're dating?! No offense--actually take offense to this if it'll help your dense head to understand it: I don't even like you."

"Though I find that impossible to believe, yet impressive that you managed to get it out without smiling," I said, as Fionna rolled her eyes at me. "Who says you have to like me to date me?"

Laughing, she said, "Oh, Justin, your logic is something that should be preserved for history."

"Pretend, Fi. That's all I'm asking you to do is pretend."

"Okay, well can you pretend like you've been listening the last fifty million times when I told you my name is Fi-on-na, not Fi?! And certainly not Fifi."

"Fifi?" I laughed. "That's kinda cute. Can you make an exception and let me call you that?"

"Only if you like being kinda dead."

"Sometimes I think she could like me. Then other times...not so much."

Those flashing lights come from everywhere

"Okay, well...use some of that Timberlake charm to help her see the light."

The way they hit her I just stop and stare

"I can't see anything, but your white ass in my face."

"Well, maybe if you'd stop your infatuation with staring at my ass for a second you could see."

"See what?"

"That in a matter of two, maybe one, more spins, I'm gonna have kicked your ass at Twister...again."

"That's because you're a goddamn cheater."

"How do you cheat on Twister?"

"You grope people and pretend like you have to have your hand right between their legs in order to make your next move."

"I didn't grope you, Sugar Pie. And I'll show you what it would be like if I was...once we're alone of course." I winked.

Groaning and moving so she was right over me, her face over mine. "You're lucky I'm a nice fake girlfriend, Honey Bunch." She whispered, so that Janice, Richard, and Trace (the designated spinner) who were playing along wouldn’t hear.

"Since when?" I laughed, until she knocked my feet out from under me.

"Ass."

"See, even when you're abusing me, you still can't get your mind off your favorite subject: my ass."

"If you don't shut up, you're gonna make me have to kick my favorite subject.�

I'm love stoned from everywhere and she knows

"Fionna's not the type to be impressed by that type of thing."

"Then what does impress her?"

I think that she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh

Richard walked into the kitchen. Magically his shirt had disappeared.

I frowned noticing Fionna practically drooling on herself over the sight of him. I walked up behind her and whispered, "You want me to get you a towel?"

At the sound of my voice her face wrinkled into a frown of its own. "For what?" She turned to me, putting her back to Richard, who was currently bent over, head buried as he rummaged through my fridge. "I'm allowed to look."

"And drool while you're looking."

Rolling her eyes, she said, "There's nothing wrong with appreciating a little eye candy."

"And what the hell am I?" I scoffed, holding my arms out to display my sleeveless top and basketball shorts wearing body.

"A boy in need of a shower." She said, fanning the air around her nose.

"He just got back from the same game as I did...yet he's eye candy and I'm just a smelly boy."

"Good, you're catching on." She smirked, before strolling away.

And now I walk around without a care

"Not me."

We drove in silence for a few moments, before I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking over at my mother, I sighed and said, "What are you thinking about?"

She's got me hooked
It just ain't fair, but I...

"Nothing...just all the guys I've passed up on, because they weren't impressive enough to me." She sighed, her eyes on the scenery rolling by outside her window in a blur of greens and browns and the occasional gray where man-made interrupted nature. "Nothing."

"So do you think she'll regret turning me down?"

I'm love stoned and I could swear

"No."

"Thanks, Ma. Glad we had this talk."

That she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh

She laughed. "I mean, I don't know. She might."

That was anything but comforting. I sighed. "But then, she might not."

She knows, she knows, oh, oh

^*^*^

New job. Starting over.

I hated that. I hated being the new person. I hated trying to get to know people and suffering through all of their nosey ass getting-to-know-you questions. If there was a way to get around that, that would be perfect for me. Like if there was some kind of handshake magic you could do, shake someone's hand and then they know whatever you want them to know about you. However much you want them to know. Live and in color. And then, if they wanted to know something else you hadn't thought of, you could tell them. But then again, that might speed up when you arrive at the awkward I-don't-know-you-you-don't-know-me-we-should-be-saying-something-but-I-don't-have-anything-to-say-to-you silence.

Small talk is overrated.

After a couple of weeks of working at Pamper Pets, I think I had figured everyone out well enough to know who I wasn't going to like...ever. Cora was a short, chubby ball of loud, never going to shut up energy. The woman laughed loud, breathed loud, ate loud, played her music loud (you always knew when her car was coming). She sung occasionally (also loudly, of course), although everyone wished she wouldn't. Or maybe that was just me.

Josh was tall, lanky and had that cross country track star build going on. He never said too much, but when Cora’s around who can? By some stroke of bad luck he wound up dating Cora for the last three…years.

Within the few weeks I've known Kelly, she's changed her hair color at least three times. Brown with blonde highlights. Red, more orange than red, but it was supposed to be red. Then all green for some reason unbeknownst to me. She has 4 tattoos and counting—those are the ones I can see and I don't want to ask if there's more. She had her nose, ears and back of her neck pierced. I didn’t notice the back of the neck one until she pulled her hair up one day randomly. That shit shocked the hell outta me. But despite her off-the-wall style, she's a nice, quiet, calm before the Cora storm.

Then there was the 5’4� redhead Tom who loved to strut around. He was under the delusion that he was a pimp and thought his pinky ring and 70’s styled platform shoes, big lapels having ruffled shirts, and elephant legged pants were proof of that. And don’t you dare try to help bring him into new millennium because that would only cause him to go on his “I'm bringin' it back, baby!" tirade. Tom was always trying to run game on girls. It was hilarious one time when he was hitting on a girl who he had no idea was more man than he was. I don't know how he missed that adam's apple. But then again, nowadays, maybe he didn't miss it at all. I didn't say anything. Let 'em have their little Jerry Springer romance if they wanted to.

"All I hear is raindrops..." Cora was singing, so that meant one thing: God was no longer answering my prayers. “Falling on the rooftop.�

“Oh baby,� And apparently Kelly was singing too. “Tell me why’d you have to go.�

And Tom. “‘Cause this pain I feel it won’t go away.�

And Josh. “And today I’m officially missin’ you.�

"You too, Josh?" I laughed, shaking my head. "Can't we just turn off the radio?"

"No, this is my song." Cora laughed. Loudly, as if there was any other way for her to do…anything. "...every little thing you do, hey, baby. Said it stays on my mind. And I-I’m officially...�

Everybody had joined back in on the ‘on my mind.’ If I wasn’t so busy trying not to laugh at their horrible off-key notes, I might have gotten a headache. "Are y'all even missing anybody?"

A chorus of nope's was my answer as everybody continued to sway about the room, singing along. And before I knew it I was singing too and just as predictable as the song choice from the radio station after everything that had happened in my life, then when I looked up, who else would be there to catch my gaze but...

Mike fucking Tyson.

Just kidding, you know it was that dastardly bastard and master of all things annoying. Some people call him Justin Timberlake.

"Ooooh, can't nobody do it like you. Said everything little thing you do. Hey, baby. It stays on my mind...And Iiiiii...I'm officially missing you.� Cora was still singing, but she’d moved closer to me now, bumping me with her wide full hips. She smiled at my frown. "You were singing before, even though you before thought nobody noticed. So why did you stop now?"

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had

I shrugged and tried my best not to make eye contact with Justin or anything in his general direction. Tried not to notice the woman he'd walked in with. The pretty woman. The pretty long wavy brunette haired women with the gucci pucci fucci designer clothes and a super model strut.

You don't want me back
You're just the best I've ever had

“Because I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.�

Cora frowned at me for a moment, before shaking her head. Strolling away, she called back to me over her shoulder. “Weird, girl. You’re very weird.�

“Weird’s just gonna get me a few frowns and heads shaken at me. But crazy…crazy is gonna get you a new self-love wardrobe and a new room with nice padded walls.� I said, wrapping my arms around myself and mouthing ‘hugs, not drugs.’

When she stopped in her tracks and turned back to glare at me with her hands on her made for baby bearing hips, my face must have shown my thoughts (as it often stupidly does) of “Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?� But with no retaliation of her own she just laughed and went back to singing.

Cora’s singing was fading off into the distance—exactly what I wished Justin was doing right now. Instead of strolling his way over toward me, talking casually to the pretty woman at his side.

I had purposely made sure Janice never mentioned him and their almost would-be relationship. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care to know. I didn’t want to have to explain to her after I’d kicked her ass why telling me about intimate details about her and Justin being…together wasn’t the best idea and how despite kicking her ass that didn’t mean that I cared somehow. In fact, it only meant that I cared that much less.

I’d told her this, more or less—to which she’d maturely replied a la Miss Congeniality, “You like him. You love him. You want to kiss him.� After I’d thrown my second sneaker at her head she finally shut up.

The closer he got to me, the more and more I became interested in organizing the forms and countertop displays. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he was a few steps away from me. As my mind fumbled for a reason that I would need to get away for a minute, or sixty.

That’s about the time that Tom sidled up to me, still singing. "Well, I thought I could just get over you, baby. But I see there’s something I just can’t do."

"From the way you would hold me." He sang, wrapping his arms around my waist before I could get the chance to smack him. "To the sweet things you told me." Tom was whispering in my ear as I shoved his silly ass away from me. "I just can’t find a way to let go of you."

"Unprofessional. Completely unprofessional." I said, shaking my head at him as he continued to sing and sway. He just laughed and strolled away singing, "Ooh...can’t nobody do it like you..."

"That's an...interesting group of co-workers you have."

I turned at the sound of the voice. I had almost forgotten that he was here. And now he was directly in front of me, with those sea foam blue eyes of his dancing as they watched me, a smirk playing on his Kool-aid red lips that looked suspiciously similar to the same color of the pretty woman at his side’s lipstick shade. I took a moment to try and remember if that’s just the way his lips always looked.

Scoffing, I said, "Interesting...hmmm, I guess that's what you could call them that."

"So do y'all usually burst into song at work, or is this a special occasion?"

I didn't like the way he said that, didn't like the way he was watching me with those sparkling sea foam blue eyes and smirking Kool-aid red lips. "These freaks don't need a reason to turn this place into a bad musical. Especially not that one over there." I pointed over to Cora, who was still singing and now was swaying to the song with some golden lab puppies in her arms.

Turning back to face Justin again, I told myself ‘whatever you do, don’t make eye contact again.’ My brain of course sent out that signal as ‘whatever you do, make eye contact again.’ Fucking typos.

Justin was staring. Openly staring like he had nothing to hide in his eyes. Like there was something in my face that he needed to find. I glanced away, clearing my throat and looking at the other woman. The flawless one was standing to his side, holding a leash, quietly. If Justin's open staring at me bothered her, she was a damn good actress. Clearing my throat again, I said, "You did come here for a reason, right? One that didn't involve rudely staring me down? And don't you ever blink?!"

Blinking silently for a moment, he just grinned back at me. "Since my girlfriend dumped my ass for one of my good friends I've been playing the Debbie Downer role. So I've decided to get out of the funk, I have to get out of this..." He said, arms moving in a circle around him. "environment. New air, new people, new vibes..."

"Well, that's all sounds terribly interesting. But in case you didn't notice from the dogs coming in and out of the door or the damn near incessant barking—this isn't a travel agency."

"And that's where Sadie comes in..." He said, trailing off as he reached up and scooped the white furball up and into his arms. The second she was raised to the point where she could see me, being her little idiot self she started to freak out. Trying desperately to claw out of Justin's arms, her tail wagging in a blur of long white hair.

"What's wrong with her?� Egad, the flawless one can…speak. “She normally doesn't react this way to strangers."

Justin was too busy grinning at me like I’d done something to be proud of to notice that Sadie was still clawing the shit out of his bared arms. “That’s no stranger. She recognizes her Momma.�

“Her Momma?� The flawless one said, raising a questioning brow as she turned to examine me.

Clearing my throat, I said, "So why don't you just have your dog-sitter keep her?"

I watched as his grin fell away from his lips, before he frowned like I should have known that answer already. "Cause she quit on me."

Glancing away, I sighed. "But that was awhile ago. Plenty of time to find someone new."

He opened his mouth and goddamn it, I wanted him to say some corny shit about how he didn't want someone new, how he wanted me. Back. Back with him. Back for good. For always. When his mouth closed wordlessly and his shoulders gave a slow, lazy shrug, I let out a long soft sigh. Like one of those freaks in movies, I had been holding my breath.

Nodding, I glanced away from him and began to shuffle papers around on the counter top. It was just a distraction tactic at first, to give myself time to shake off my previous stupidity then I realized that these were release forms he needed to fill out. The perfect way to get him out of my face. At least for the moment.

"I need you to fill out this, this and this." I said, handing him the papers and a pen to write with. "You can fill 'em out over there." I purposely pointed to the seats furthest from me.

That's when he should have walked away, right?

Of course, he didn't. The pretty one did, wandering over towards a magazine rack in the direction I'd pointed to.

"You don't seem to follow directions very well, Mr. Timberlake."

"Maybe you just aren't being clear enough in your directions, Ms. Houston."

"Get out of my face and fill out the papers. Was that clear enough for you, Mr. Timberlake?"

Sighing, he shook his lowered head. "I see you're still running, Fi."

"I used to be a track star. That's how we do."

His head rose slowly with an even slower smile playing on his lips. Licking those lips, his smile grew into a smirk. "You didn't correct me."

My eyes forgot to roll, my mouth forgot to sigh, and my hand forgot to give him the happy finger as I said, "I know."

He just smiled at me. "That means you..." Leaning in slightly, he whispered like he was about to tell me some top secret confidential information. "love me."

"Just because there's a counter between us, Mr. Timberlake, don't get bold."

He smiled and leaned fully across the counter, his lips resting against my ear. "I'm not worried." He said, his warm breath tickling my ear. "You know you can't hurt your Honey Bunch, Sugar Pie." He added, walking away with the delusion that, that was actually true.

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony

While he was busy filling those forms out, I was busy trying to ignore his existence, but my eyes kept wandering back to him and then over him with thoughts of what it would be like to be under him. And being the bastard that he is, he kept catching me in act.

Strolling back to the counter and handing the papers back, he smiled at me for a moment in silence before saying, “It’s nice seeing you again. You look good, Fi.�

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside

I watched him for a moment, watched him watching me. Glancing away from him, I noticed the flawless one sitting over in the corner playing with a giddy Sadie. “Wish I could say the same thing about you.� I said, before disappearing.

But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide

*^*^*

My days went a little something like this: Wake up, bitch, shower, bitch, eat, bitch, Janice bitches at me for a few minutes about how I was so stupid to not have stayed with Justin and how I’ve been moping around (though I wonder how she can even tell the difference) and being an extra pain in her pilates loving ass (all the while she’d be smiling and sugaring it up with honey, silly and sweetie) then I drive to work, bitch on the way there, work, bitch while I’m there. Then I come back.

If Janice is there she’ll start off with something nice and disarming like ‘Hey, how was your day?’ but that would just be the sneaky beginning to what inevitably turned into yet another lecture, then I would inevitably have to remind her to shut the fuck up and mind her own business.

Friendship. Apparently, this was what friends did. Remind their friends of their mistakes, over and over again. And over a-fucking-gain. I didn’t necessarily agree that I had made a mistake, Janice apparently thought I had since according to her I didn’t go five minutes without bringing up Justin’s name into every conversation even though I’d banned her from talking about him around me (which clearly she was failing at doing). So maybe she did get that right, maybe I did bring him up a lot, but that doesn’t mean I made a mistake. She doesn’t know about the deal. We had a plan. Justin and I being a real couple wasn’t part of that deal, or that plan.

Friendship. Since I wasn’t exactly an old pro when it came to having friends, when Janice was trying to befriend me at first I thought something was wrong with her. I wondered to myself, ‘Why is this chick being so nice, asking me all these pointless things?’ Then one day she just asked if we could hang out sometime outside of work, my immediate thought was, “Shit, is this chick coming on to me?� That’s how rusty I was in the friendship department. I couldn’t even comprehend something as simple as she was just trying to be my friend, instead my mind instantly jumped to her having to be a lesbian.

Needless to say, she turned out to be heterosexual, although there was times when I wondered about her though. Times when she’d talk admiringly about other females a little too long, but when I’d say something about it she’d laugh it off saying, “I’m sorry, I forgot when I talk like that you get all jealous. But don’t worry, you’re the only girl for me.� At which point, I’d laugh too, shove her and say, “I love you too, bitch.�

Friendship. Singular. She was my one and only true friend and now she was in the process of telling me how stupid I was. And it was times like this when I wondered why I’d ever wanted this annoying ass thing called friendship in the first place.

“If everything you do and everything you see reminds you of him, isn’t that like some kind of cosmic sign?�

“No.� I frowned. “I’ve been delusional before and looked at those yellow construction ground sign thingies and seen McDonald’s Golden Arches.�

“But that reminded you of the Arches because you were hungry. Everything reminding you of Justin is because…�

Raising my eyebrows, I supplied, “…I’m hungry?�

“For him.� She giggled, wiggling her eyebrows in a manner which I’m sure she thought was seductive in some odd way.

“Oh, fuck off, Janice.� I groaned, waving off her stupid little theory. “I don’t desire anything right now but for you to change the fucking subject for once. You’re the one constantly jabbering about him. If I bitch about some idiot customer at work who let their dog take a dump in the waiting room and didn’t bother to clean it up, then you chime in with, ‘Oh, well if you hadn’t quit on Justin you could have just had to deal with one idiot and one dog.’�

“I never called him an idiot.�

I rolled my eyes. “That’s because you’re too nice to call things what they are.�

“And if I wasn’t so nice, what would I call you?� She asked, raising her eyebrows at me quizzically as she leaned into the kitchen counter propping her head on her hand.

Narrowing my eyes, I watched her smiling at me with her arms folded in front of her chest now. I pushed away from the counter and rose from the stool I'd been sitting on. “Nothing,� I smiled, crossing my arms against my chest, mimicking her stance. “Because you don’t have a death wish.�

She giggled. “Whatever, silly, have a good day at work.� She said and with that she wandered off somewhere in the house.

I should have known that wasn’t just well-wishing and was actually some kind of curse. I figured that out when my luxury vehicle (’89 Mazda hatchback) decided that morning it didn’t care what I wanted, it wasn’t going to start.

Cut to five minutes later, after I’d sufficiently kicked the tires and slammed the doors and cursed all the curses I knew, I called the one person I knew who would come over and pick my pathetic ass up.

“Your chariot has arrived.� Richard smiled through the rolled down window of his big body Hummer, right before he hopped out to run over to the passenger side to open the door for me. He knew I wasn’t into that ridiculous chivalry crap, but every time I reminded him of that he was quick to say, “You like to sarcastically abuse people. Sometimes even physically so. I like to open doors for ladies. Deal with it.�

As he closed the door on me, leaving me alone inside the gas guzzler, my eyes fell to his…CD carrier? (I feel like there’s another word for it, but being that CDs are damn near in the dinosaur era, I’m sure even if I asked someone what it was called, they’d just get confused and say something retarded like ‘data CD?’) Flipping through the pages, with damn near half of it being hip-hop, a quarter R&B and then the rest a miscellaneous slew of jazz, oldies, and the random rock band, I was nearly to the end when I saw one that made me smile. Pulling the record out, I popped it into his CD player as he slid into the driver’s seat.

Hearing the opening chords of “No Strings Attached� Richard’s eye bugged out. “Where did you…I-I…you…I don’t…�

“No need to explain.� I laughed. “Everybody and the pope got that album.�

He shook his head and sighed as he swung us out into the street. “You really know how to fuck up a man’s gangsterism.�

“I can’t believe you just said that with a straight face.� Shaking my head, I laughed. “You’re so gangst-er with your flip-flops and your tight shirts.�

Frowning, he glanced down at his shirt. “You think my shirt’s tight?� He asked, tugging on it.

“It’s not tight. It’s gangst-er . Just like this NSA album.�

“You aren’t going to tell anyone about that, are you?� He asked, nervously glancing from me to the CD player to the road again.

“Who am I gonna tell? Justin?� I laughed.

He frowned for a moment, eyes straight ahead on the road. “Have you talked to him lately?�

“Not since I quit.�

“Really? “ He glanced at me, eyes darting quickly back to the road. “Well, I was talking to him yesterday and he mentioned seeing you…�

It was my turn to frown. “Oh, yesterday? At work?�

“Yeah.� He nodded, glancing at me again.

“Yeah.� I shrugged. “I saw him. He was bringing Sadie to drop off.�

“When I saw him Sadie was still with him.�

I frowned at his profile, wondering where the hell this sudden interrogation was going. “Why do I get the feeling that I need a lawyer present?�

He laughed, but it wasn’t his usual laughter. This laughter didn’t make me want to laugh along. “I was just asking…�

“Uh-huh.� I nodded, unconvinced. “Well, he was just setting everything up. He’ll drop her off right before he actually leaves.�

“When is that?�

“How should I know? I stopped babysitting him more than a month ago.� I snapped.

He glanced at me for a second as if he was looking for something this time, before his eyes went back to the road. Nodding, his body slowly relaxed. “Hey, how about after you get off work we…�

Turning up the volume, I cried, “Oooh, I always loved this song!�

If he felt better after our little game of Q&A good for him, but all it had done was given me another reason to be pissed. I didn’t need another reason. I was pretty good at coming up with irrational excuses all on my own. So I let the boy band rhythms drown out his words.

*^*^*

I had about a minute to go before I was late, so I was doing something that I rarely did. Running.

And as I’m busy being late and rushing in like I have the po-po on my ass, who would I find waiting for me to make my morning just a little closer to hell?

Why, Justin and the flawless one, of course!

So you sailed away

I noticed him from half-way across the room and stopped in my tracks. He was laughing and talking with Flawless, hands familiarly close.

Into a grey sky morning

He must have felt eyes on him, despite the fact that he should have built up some kind celebrity immunity to things like that, because he turned and those sea foam blue eyes locked with my chocolate browns, but he didn’t move away from the woman. I don’t know why it disappointed me that he didn’t jump away like he’d suddenly realized she was on fire. He had nothing to hide.

And why would he? He was never really mine.

Now I'm here to stay

But sometimes never is a hard pill to swallow.

Love can be so boring

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I pushed my feet to move forward again. He was still watching me. Flawless was talking to him, but he was watching me.

Nothing's quite the same now

Since they were doing such a splendid job of watching Sadie, she managed to get away and make a dash to me. In a matter of seconds my pants were covered in white fur and Sadie couldn’t have been happier about it if she tried.

“I guess I missed you with your pretending to like me just so you could use me for belly rubs.� I laughed, watching her quickly roll onto her back, getting belly rub ready.

“Sometimes my belly needs rubbing too.�

Rising to my full height, I sighed. Why did he have to look even better up close?

He smiled and I started to relax, until he suddenly moved forward, forward into my space, forward and taking me into his arms. Trying to resist it, but failing as always, my arms went around his neck, his around my waist. “Aren’t you supposed to give a girl a warning with the finger wiggling thing first?�

“Giving you a choice doesn’t always work out so great for me.� He said, pulling away from me before I was ready to let go.

I just say your name now

I was already late, so what the hell… “Justin,� I started, pausing as my eyes flickered to the other woman. Flawless had moved over to Sadie and had become the new belly rubber. “Can I talk to you a minute?�

“Sure.� He smiled. Turning back to Flawless, he said, “Excuse me, we’re just—�

“Oh, that’s fine. I gotta make a call anyways.� She smiled, waving off any follow-up words he might have had and pulled out her cell, leading Sadie over to a chair.

Moving over into the lobby and closer to the glass doors, so as to give myself the illusion of privacy, I sighed. It was just Justin and I. That hadn’t happened in awhile. And now I couldn’t remember why I wanted to talk him. My mind was too busy worrying over what my hair was looking like, why hadn’t I picked something better to wear, but I couldn’t have picked anything better really. We had a uniform. I could have done something with my hair though. Some make-up. A little nail polish. Did guys ever notice things like that anyways though? I mean, unless they had some kind of fetish for feet or hands, maybe, but otherwise did they care about things like that? Better yet, why the fuck am I suddenly caring?

Glancing into his eyes, I found him calmly watching me, a slight smile dancing on the edges of his lips.

My eyes dropped to my toes. My sneaker covered toes. My dirty sneakers. I definitely should have picked a different shoe. Since I didn’t know how to start, I just said the first thing that came to mind. “You look nice.�

“I look nice?�

What was it you wanted?

“Yeah?� I nodded, my brow wrinkling slightly, more uncertainty settling in.

“I’m not doubting that I look good ‘cause that’s a given.� He smiled that cocky arrogant son of a bitch smile of his and that only gave me one option: smile back. “But you never compliment me, so it makes me wonder if there’s an apocalypse about to happen that only you know about. I always knew you were psycho.�

“You mean psychic?�

Shaking his head with a grin, he said, “No, I had it right the first time.�

Glancing away I smiled, checked my toes again. Yep, they were still there. Now I could maybe try to look at him again. “Actually,� I pushed myself to start, forcing my eyes to stay on his at least for a few more seconds, then I could check on my toes again. “I just wanted to ask your opinion on some things. Be honest, okay?�

Could it be I'm haunted?

“Alright. Hit me.�

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had

He asked for it, so I smacked him upside the head.

“Guess I forgot who I was talking to when I said that.� He grumbled, pretending like my little hit actually hurt as he rubbed his head sullenly.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to just dive in. “Abortion. Pro-choice or Pro-life?�

“Pro-life.� He said easily, though I’d been expecting to at least frown at the seeming randomness. Leave it up to Justin to not be so predictable. “Now before you start with all the women’s right to choose what she does with her body stuff, I agree with that to an extent. But that’s a life, you shouldn’t just kill the baby just because you were too lazy to strap up. It’s a hard call though ‘cause even if you make that hard choice to keep the kid even though you know you aren’t ready for a baby and give it up for adoption you never know what could happen to your baby. But you got to hope for the best, give the kid a chance at least—a chance to fight.�

“Capital punishment, for or against it?�

“Again since it’s a matter of playing God and taking a life, I’ve gotta be against it. Plus I think it’s worse of a punishment to live out the rest of your days in jail than simply being executed and then that’s it. And you never want to kill an innocent person, which happens too often since not everyone gets fair representation, making the legal system automatically in favor of the privileged: rich, white people generally. But green is always the most important color.�

“Creation or evolution/big bang?�

“That’s a hard one since science and religion both go about trying to answer the same question, only they use very different methods. Science is tentative and subject to change by new theories and evidence, but religion is solid, unchanging—a straight forward answer. Having said that I don’t see why the two can’t be combined. God could have put all the necessary materials for evolution together and just let it happen.� A frown suddenly overcame his features and I got the strange urge to kiss the frown lines away from his forehead. “Why are you asking me all this?�

Shrugging, I said, “I was just wondering.�

“Just wondering if underneath all this delectable sexiness and mop of curls, which I so stupidly grew back, if there was a functioning brain…well, surprise, surprise there is.� And on that note he started walking away.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Justin.�

Laughing, he stopped short in his next step causing me to nearly run into his back. “Yes, you did, stop frontin’.� Turning to face me again, he wore a playful smirk as he tilted his head to the side slightly. “So since you’ve grilled me. I’ve got a question of my own. Be honest, okay?�

“Okay. Hit me.� I smiled as he pretended to slug me in the jaw.

“You were testing me because you love me and you don’t want to. You wanted me to fail.� The more I began to frown, the bigger his grin became. “Now speaking honestly, of course, I passed, didn’t I? I aced that shit, didn’t I?�

I don't want you back

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t even fully look at him.

But he knew anyways.

You're just the best I ever had

Chuckling to himself, he nodded. “Yeah, I definitely aced that shit.� He grinned. “When you’re done playing games, call me.� He said, strolling back the way we’d come.

I watched him walk away for several beats, before I frowned realizing that if I didn’t say anything soon he was going to get the last word. And I obviously couldn’t have that.

The best I ever had

“Even if you weren’t with that twig with perfect store bought boobs, I still wouldn’t call you!� I yelled after him. All he did was laugh, shake his head and continue to walk away. Turning my back to him, I sighed, muttering to myself, “Not because I didn’t want to—I just haven’t paid my phone bill yet.�

The best I ever…
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This chapter featured: Vertical Horizon “Best I Ever Had�
J. Timberlake "I Think She Knows (Interlude)"