February 14, 2004

Dear Diary,

Happy Valentine’s Day! Yeah, right. Happy frickin’ Valentine’s Day to me. This is the worst holiday of the year. It’s a holiday that Hallmark created to get people to buy unnecessary gifts for each other. Again, I am all alone today. Corey’s gone to work, as usual, and I can ’t seem to get Justin out of my head.

I went, as planned, to dinner last night. I was so nervous that I thought that I should’ve just kept my ass at home in my bed. And waited for my HUSBAND to come home. But that wasn’t the case. There I was. Walking towards the restaurant in the hotel. But again, my head was telling me something completely different, and I changed my mind and started to leave. Somewhere I shouldn’t have been in the first place. Right when I was at the exit of the hotel, I heard it. His voice had called my name.

God, his voice is like music to my ears. I told myself ‘it was either now or never’. And so I picked now. I turned around to say hi. He looked amazing. He was dressed in black slacks and a white button down shirt. His head was completely shaved and his face was clean.

When he saw my extra “baggage”, he just stood there, not saying anything. I don’t know why, but that had gotten me upset and I walked out of the hotel. I guess I was using that as an excuse to find a way to leave. He did follow me outside. He told me that he just wanted to talk, and I couldn’t. Because if I did, I would have slept with him again. Pregnant and all.

He thinks this is Corey’s baby. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I just left him, standing there. I came home to an empty house, like always, and cried myself to sleep. Why is this so damn confusing? I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need help. Oh, there’s my doorbell. Talk to you later.

Love,

Angie.