I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Being a bodyguard is probably the best job for me, but a lot of people, namely my friends, would say I was wrong. But being this job allows me to hide in my cocoon and protect myself. It’s my safety net.
“Mike?” I hear my name being called out and a small tug on my pants.
“Yeah?” I ask, automatically knowing who it is, I manage to glance down at them, their bright blue eyes staring at me, almost mimicking what I was like when I was their age. “You wanna get out of here buddy? Go out back and swim or something?”
The small boy nods, and I sigh heavily, bending down to pick him up and glance over my shoulder as I do so. The screaming has gotten worse over the past few days, and I’m worried about the impact it will have on such a small mind.
“J?” I call to my boss, but I know he won’t even hear me. He’s too involved in his own problems right now to care what happens to his son or anyone else. “Okay kid, let’s go.”
“Okay Mike,” Kyle answers and we head out back, but we need to get through the kitchen where his parents are having world war three. Kyle presses his face against my neck, trying to block out the hurtful words he’s hearing from his father.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

We enter the kitchen, and they don’t even stop to notice me taking their son out of this war zone. I shake my head, noticing the red in my boss’s eyes. I’ve never seen him look that vengeful in all my years of working for him. I hear a whimper as we get to the back door, and I stop, glancing down to the shaking body in my arms and realize this is it. This has got to stop, and for a moment I see myself in this young boy.
I place Kyle down and get on one knee so I am eye-level with him and place a hand on his shoulder, “Look buddy I need you to go outside for a sec ok? I wanna talk to your dad.”
He doesn’t say much, he just nods and sticks a finger in his mouth, “Okay.” I know he’s too old to be sticking fingers in his mouth, and I should stop him, but he’s not my son and in times like these the kid needs comfort.
I get up and help Kyle out the door, before turning my attention back to the room which has now seemingly gone quiet and shake my head. I make a beeline for my boss, grabbing him gently by the arm and forcing him to look at me.
“J,” I say, and my voice is sort of in a whisper, as if I’m afraid the kid will hear me, “This is getting ridiculous, it needs to stop. You both need to stop.” I turn and look at Jessica, who nods in agreement. I’m sure she knows what I mean but can’t stop it; mainly it’s Justin who starts the fights. She usually tries to avoid it.
“I know Mike,” Justin grumbles and glances down at his feet, I can see a hint of weakness in them and I know he knows this is wrong.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

“You know he’s only a kid,” I state and look behind me to make sure Kyle hasn’t crept up on us as I used to when my parents used to fight, “But these things can really imprint themselves on his mind.”
“I know,” Justin repeats, and I sigh, watching Jessica walk towards us.
“Then stop saying that,” I almost snap and glance up, “Do something to stop it.”
“But what?” Justin asks lost, and I know he didn’t mean it. He knows what he can do to stop the arguing, he needs to trust his wife more. She’s a good woman, she’s loyal to him I know, and she loves him too much to leave him.
“You know what,” I say and look at Jessica who reaches her hand out to touch mine. “I’m gonna leave you guys alone and go look after the kid ok? Sort this out before it’s too late.”
“Alright,” I hear them both say and sigh, turning my back on them both and letting my grip fall from Justin’s arm. He’s a great guy, really he is but sometimes he let’s situations like this get out of control and it’s not good. It’s not good for anyone.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I walk away from them and head to the back door, opening it and looking over my shoulder one last time. I can se them huddled together, whispering, and I hope this will work out for the best and not turn into my life all over again.
I turn back to the door and open it, fully this time, enough to let myself slip out and glance around. I see Kyle, standing there, finger still in his mouth and looking at me.
“Are mommy and daddy going to stop now?” he asks in a scared voice and I know what he’s referring to. I nod and take a step forward before kneeling before him again.
“They’re gonna try ok?” I say and he nods, unsure. I know it’s not what he wants to hear but it’s the truth. “So you wanna go swim?”
He grins at me, as if forgetting his world for a moment and points to the pool.
“In there?” he asks, and I laugh slightly before getting up and brushing off y knees.
“Yeah in there,” I answer and he smiles, he reaches out for my hand. “Come on.”
We walk in silence for a while, with his tiny palm in my big one, and I wonder if he really knows what is going on. I know I didn’t, I remember being confused and lonely, thinking it was all because of me.
“It’s not your fault Kyle,” I say as we reach the pool. I sit down on a nearby pool chair and pull him closer to me, “You know that right?”
“Then why do mommy and daddy fight all the time?” he asks, clearly confused. I sigh, and wonder how I’m going to explain it to him.
“It doesn’t matter why ok? They just do and it’s not good,” I say and look at him, “And you need to stay strong ok?”
“But daddy scares me,” he whispers, and I can see his demeanor change almost immediately and I know why. Justin can be violent at times when he doesn’t watch himself. “He makes me cry.”

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

“I know he does buddy,” I say, I understand him probably more than I understand myself. “But you have to be strong ok? For mommy.” He glances up at me, and I instantly know he understands. He has seen how his mother cries, how she leans on him for support even though he’s just a child.
“Okay,” he whispers and looks back down at his shoes. I smile at him and place a hand on his shoulder.
“Great.” Is all I can say, because I remember being that age, and nothing anyone could tell me would help. I glance to the pool and look back at Kyle, “You ready for that swim?”
“Yeah,” Kyle says, his voice a little bit dejected but he pulls himself together quite fast, almost mimicking his father.
“Great, go on in,” I say and nod to the pool. He smiles slightly and pulls off his jeans, before running towards the edge to the pool. He stops short of the edge and glances back at me, almost looking for reassurance.
“Are you going to be here when I get out?” he asks, and I nod at him.
“Yeah buddy,” I assure him and stand up to move closer to where he is, “I’ll be here all the whole time.”

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you