She pulled up to the house, nervous as all hell. She hadn’t seen or spoken to anybody in that circle in three months. Thinking about why she was here made her want to open her car door and puke all over the neatly trimmed grass.

           She tried the code to the gate and of course she was denied. It had, after all, been three months. She clicked the black buzzer button, almost hoping nobody would answer, but she was quite sure he was home as his cars were in the driveway.

           “Shay?” It was a voice she recognized, but not the one she was dreading. She waved at the camera connected to the gate in which she was trying to cross. It swung open rather slowly as she put her car in drive and drove in the same spot she always did.

            Getting out of her car made the butterflies all the more upset. They were fluttering everywhere, even to her legs, which were forgetting to move. She shook it off and made her way to the door, with a cute doorbell on it. She knew if she pressed it, it would play Thriller inside the house.

            Turned out she didn’t have to hear the real king of pop as the door swung open before she had the chance to press it. Seeing him was not a shock, it was kind of a relief. She had missed his crazy self. He had always managed to make her laugh and even now when she was so nervous she couldn’t think straight, her lips curved into a smile even at the sight of him.

           “I do declare,” The warm body enveloped her into a hug, one that was long overdue. She didn’t want to let go of that familiar feeling. Once she let go of this moment, she was sure to face one that was not so friendly, “I missed you.”

          “I missed you too,” She looked down awkwardly as now she was standing by herself just inside the door as he closed it.

         “He’s in the backyard trying to get sun, but when does that ever work?” Shay half laughed.

        “You made him put the lotion on right?” Trace shook his head and they both had a laugh.

        “Well at least we know we can have lobster for dinner now.” Her nerves were starting to clear up at his jokes. He always had that effect on her. She took in a deep breath and made her way towards the sliding doors that would lead her to the outside of the house. One look at him and all the butterflies came back. She grabbed the handle and stepped out. She turned around to close it, and she could feel them, his eyes glaring at her back. He always had that glare that you were lucky to survive because it could burn a hole right through you.

         She turned back around, almost chickening out, but she realized as her stare met his that it was too late for that. She walked over slowly to where he was sitting and sat in the chair next to his.

        “You know you’re going to be burnt to a crisp,” If she didn’t say anything first, she knew they would just sit there in silence.

        “I’ll take my chances. So, what’s the reason for this visit?” His voice was somewhat cold, something she had quite expected.

        “I’m long overdue for Justin gaming,” She managed to make a smile; he just continued to sit there, putting his headset away, “Okay. I came to say that I’m sorry.” These words, however, did not go over well.

       “SORRY? The day you actually mean that, give me a call.” She looked down at her hands.

       “Justin, please.” Justin sat the rest of the way up, adjusting his chair to the height that was necessary to do so.

       “You were the one that walked out on me remember?” A tear escaped her eye, and he kind of gave a tiny laugh at it. She started praying in her head for the Lord to give her strength to get through this day.

       “I had stuff going on. I’m sorry Justin. I really am. I was confused. Justin, please?” Maybe the guardian angel did save the day, as she saw his face soften a little bit.

       “You’re my best friend. We’ve known each other since we were two years old and suddenly it’s like you can’t even talk to me about anything,” Shay brought her knees up to her chest, setting her chin in the nook in the middle.

        “I know. At the time though, if I recall, you were the one I was having the confusion about.” Justin shook his head a little bit before looking back at her.

        “Is it all cleared up now? Obviously, you’re at my house. It’s been three months since you bothered to show up. I’ve called you a thousand times. I’ve left 50 messages on your voice mail. You could have just called once to tell me you were okay.” Tears formed in Shay’s eyes, as she quickly wiped them away with the palm of her hand.

       “The thing is, I’m not okay. Justin, I have to tell you something.” He looked up at the sky as if he were praying himself. He was probably praying for her disappearance.

       “Then tell me. I’m listening.” She put her knees down, setting her feet on the concrete floor. She fidgeted with her hands for what seemed like hours, but was really only about ten measly seconds.

       “I’m…pregnant.” She put her head in her hand and instinctively began crying, much like she had been since she found out. She thought she would have relief once she had finally told somebody, but now all she wanted to do was turn away and run back to be with herself. She couldn’t look up to see his eyes. If she did, she knew she would see anger, which was the last thing she needed. She had quickly passed the just a little crying mark, and began crying so hard she had started hiccupping. She looked up only so she wouldn’t drown in her own snot and tears, only to find him laying back down looking at the sky. Just looking at him started another batch of tears.

        “Is it…” Justin trailed off, but she knew what he was asking, but she still couldn’t stop crying. She tried but as she did her face just started trembling. She swallowed them down long enough to give a tiny whimper of a yes. She heard Justin give this long drawn out sigh.

        After many moments had passed without anybody speaking, Shay’s crying had reduced to just tears slipping down once every ten seconds or so. She quickly tried to wipe them away. Her whole shirt was wrecked with tears among other things.

        “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry,” She got up to leave, quickly straightening herself up. She started to walk away, but she felt his hand on her arm. It made her tears start to form again. She missed him so much.

        “Stay.” She closed her eyes at his words and collapsed into his chair, where he wrapped his arms around her. His shirt was soon filled with her tears. 

Six Months Earlier

        “I’m going to get all of you. Every last one. You guys better feel uneasy about sleeping at night. That’s not a threat, that’s a promise,” Rachael dragged her through the last centimeters of the doorframe. She looked at her surroundings. She was beet red, but not from embarrassement. Rather from being extremely angry with the four people who were walking in with her.

“You never said not to,” Trace shrugged his shoulders making sure, however, that he was long enough away from her so that she couldn’t tear his eyes out. Instead, she let his comment slide due to somebody else laughing next to her ear.

“And what exactly is your excuse?” She paused, making him bump into her. He only laughed more. She crossed her arms over her chest, putting all her strength against Rachael’s.

“Why don’t you just hush and enjoy okay?” He slid past her easily going to meet all of his friends that he had invited here. She watched his back, glaring at him, almost willing him to turn around. He didn’t.

           “Who did this? Whose idea was this?” She turned to the three eyes that were left standing there with her. She glared at Rachael, the seemingly innocent cousin. She moved her eyes onto Trace, the annoying best friend of the new king of pop. Last but not least, she moved to Andrea. It couldn’t be Andrea, seeing as she was the only one without connections and one of her best friends. She knew better.

“I don’t think we have to answer that one. Although, I’m surprised you just let him slip away like that,” Andrea giggled, eyeing her friend’s furious glare.

“Well just so you don’t get too mad, I heard Orlando Bloom was going to be here,” Rachel caught Shay’s weak reaction and pulled her the rest of the way in. Everything was overdone. There were masses of people there, all the faces blurring in with the rest of the crowd. It was exactly the thing that she had been trying to avoid for most of her life.

“There is the birthday girl!” She whipped her head around at the familiar voice. She took the embrace with ease. At least it was familiar arms wrapping around her.

“Oh JC! How very nice to see you. Have you seen an annoying little guy around here by the name of Timberlake perhaps?” JC laughed boisterously. Everybody knew that she hated having her birthday celebrated. It only made her feel that much older. She was single, turning twenty-five, and with each passing year her hopes and dreams were flying out of the window without a second glance.

“Actually, I think you might check the…oh…well I guess that does it,” Her eyes turned vicious, like a cat’s ready to pounce. Her face turned red, steam almost blowing out of her ears. She put her hand in front of her eyes to block the bright spotlight that had just been put in her face. She barely heard the claps and happy birthdays as the guy previously mentioned announced her arrival. She tracked his every move from across the room. She politely said hello to everybody she passed on her way, never letting him out of her site.

“Can I have a minute?” His smile was not as infectious as it always was. In fact, she was so livid right now that she could possibly kill him. Maybe she didn’t need to be alone with him.

“Sure, have two. After all you are the birthday girl,” He thought his jokes were funny, but she just wanted to throw up all over his newly brought shoes. Perhaps she would for enjoyment. She grabbed his arm and stalked him into the woman’s bathroom. She checked to make sure nobody was in there and then wedged the door shut so that nobody could enter.

“What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to make me have a heart attack? Have you lost your fucking mind?” Her tactic was not going over well, as he was still smiling. He was leaning against the sinks looking overly amused with the situation and himself. He had the cocky one-sided grin going on. The only thing he hadn’t accounted into this situation was that none of that worked on her, “Well?”

“Twenty-Five is a big year,” He shrugged his shoulders like the whole scenario was no big deal. He had known her for most of her life, yet now he was shrugging her off like no big deal.

“Actually, it’s not. To me it’s not. You know that Justin. Just because you have the fucking means to do this, doesn’t mean you have to disregard my feelings and do it. You of all people,” She knew she struck a nerve, every inch of his body having faltered. His smug smile had turned into a neat straight line, no emotion on his face.

“I was trying to make you feel better. See if I fucking do that again,” This time it was her turn to cringe. Not necessarily because she felt in anyway sorry for her attack against him, but because he made her think of things she didn’t want to think of.

“So by throwing me a birthday party, which by the way, I have not had in all the years that you’ve known me almost because I hate them, it would make me feel better? Well check this Justin. I AM FUCKING FINE! I don’t need you to try to make me feel better because I am FINE! FUCKING FINE!” Her voice went weak. She was always the sentimental one that broke down at everything. She was trying to be strong, breathing in and out as deeply as she could, “Fine. I’m fine.” Her voice was getting smaller. She lost it as his arms wrapped around her like all the other times they had in the past two months.

“It’s okay. We can go home if you want. I’m sorry. I just wanted to get you out of the house. You were worrying me,” She pulled away and looked up at him. Maybe she was being too harsh on him. After all, maybe he was just trying to help. The past couple of months had been some of the worst of her life, and Justin had been there to comfort her for every last one of them.

“I don’t want to go home. As long as you point me in the direction of a cute guy, maybe I’ll let you off the hook,” He smiled broadly at her. She wasn’t quite over all of this, but seeing as how it would be rude for her not to enjoy her own party, she might as well have fun herself.

“Well you won’t have to look far,” His smile got wider and she hit him on the arm before rolling her eyes.

“As intriguing as that sounds. I think I’ll settle for somebody a little less like my brother,” They laughed together before going back out to her party. As soon as she was in site, most people came over to talk to her. This time instead of acting as if she didn’t have time for them, she stayed and bullshitted about every topic you could think of. The truth was even though Justin knew these people far more than she did, she wasn’t a stranger to most of them. Ever since Justin had gotten famous, she had been with him a lot of the time. She remembered always whining to her mom and dad about having to go to school when Justin didn’t. Her life had been almost as hectic as Justin’s back in the day. Every summer, she would visit Justin and tour with him for a little while if he were on a tour. Her and the rest of the NSYNC guys were pretty good friends.

She had a lot of memories from those times. She had gained a lot of friends, but lost many. While in fantasyland with Justin, her and Britney Spears had gotten pretty close. They were like sisters in a funny way. They could complete each other’s sentences, and sometimes even accidentally match their outfits, but by no means on purpose. When her and Justin broke up it wasn’t only Justin’s heart that got crushed, it was hers. Her loyalties lied with Justin, which was why any sister-like relationship that had lasted for a couple of years didn’t matter anymore.

It was the same with everybody like that. When Cameron and Justin broke up, just recently, she was again devastated. But she still kept in contact with Cameron, which was nice. Justin hadn’t objected to that because they hadn’t really ended on bad terms, but she rarely had time to do anything with her because she was always around Justin. Not that she was complaining.

Just like with Justin, it was much the same with Trace. She had had many best friends, the likes of Elisha Cuthbert to Britney Spears, all relationships that had been shattered. The only one that had been hers and hers alone was Andrea. Andrea Livingston had sat with her in the 10th grade at lunch despite every bad thing everybody had to say about her. Most people hated her, or envied her, there really wasn’t a difference. When people usually talked to her, it was because they wanted her life. Andrea was different. She was friends with Shay for three years before even being introduced to Justin.

That’s why the other side of her life, not the flashing light bulbs side, but the real side, was pathetic or practically non-existent. Everybody wanted fame and fortune, neither of which she had. They used her to get to Justin, always, which was why Justin was always there to catch her when she fell. He knew he was a great part of why she cried at night.

The great thing about it was that she did have a job to go to everyday like every other normal person. A job she loved more than anything in her entire life. A job that she had worked hard to get, that nobody else had just gotten for her. She was a nurse practitioner at a local women’s health clinic and an on-call labor and delivery nurse at the hospital every other weekend. She had endured six long years of college education to get to where she was today, and nobody was telling her she didn’t get that by herself.

“Are you kidding me? Tell me he didn’t,” She stepped out of her daze as a gigantic birthday cake was rolled her way. If she weren’t so against birthdays, she would have cried right then and there. As it got closer she started laughing. She hadn’t genuinely laughed in a long time, but this was definitely a genuine laugh. She saw the outline of a big picture on the cake. It was a picture that Justin’s mom had taken not too long ago. It was after getting off a seventeen-hour flight and she was half asleep. Her hair was standing up and her eyes were closed. She was leaning her head on Trace’s shoulder and Justin was holding her up. Even though her eyes were closed, she was smiling for the picture. She wasn’t the only one to get hell for this picture. Rachael was in almost the same position, except her eyes were open but no smile.

        She was still laughing all the way through happy birthday. She leaned her head down and blew out all twenty-five candles on the cake on instinct. She was now twenty-five, a year that was already starting off wrong. She was being thrown a party she never asked for or wanted. If that wasn’t a bad omen, she didn’t know what was.

       “I’m not ready. I can’t do this,” Shay gripped the door handle, trying to will herself to get out of the car. Her knuckles were white. It had been two months since her life had pretty much ended. She was not ready to face the aftermath just yet.

       “Come on. We’re already late,” Rachel was beside her in the driver’s seat. She wanted to offer some sort of comforting words, but she had said everything she could think to say within the past two months. She had even repeated them on the way to the church.

       “What if I freeze? What if I sound like a babbling idiot?” Rachel got out of the vehicle, ran around to Shay’s side, and threw the door open. Shay’s eyes went wide. She couldn’t believe this was really happening.

       “You won’t! Now you look hot as hell, and you have a best friend to support. Nobody is going to stand in the way of that. Now get your ass out of the car,” Shay sighed and timidly stepped out of the vehicle. Baby steps. She kept thinking this term. Where the hell were Trace and Justin? They had promised her they would be there, but she didn’t see any sort of familiar car.

        “What if I hyperventilate? What if I trip in my heels? What if I suddenly have the urge to throw up?” She felt her whole body start to shake. At first she thought it was her nerves, but then she realized that Rachel had begun to shake her.

         “You won’t do any of that stuff, because you’ll only be paying attention to me,” She snapped her head around to the voice behind her.

        “You know, could you have been any fucking slower?” She put her other arm firmly into Trace’s, “And where the hell is Justin?”

        “He’s already inside. He had someone else drop him off. Anyway, shall we? Don’t even look. Act like the only person you see is me in my underwear.” Shay didn’t know whether to laugh or purge. She loved Trace in times like these. He was an excellent jokester. He kept her mind where it should be, not on where it shouldn’t. She wasn’t even thinking about it anymore, even as she felt the cold breeze on her naked arms. She didn’t even stop to look at the one thing she was supposed to be forbidden to look at. Her eyes immediately, instead, started searching for the one person she needed most right now.

        “I’m so sorry,” Andrea ran up to her and hugged the life out of her. If it weren’t for her comment, Shay wouldn’t have had a clue what she meant, “She wasn’t supposed to be here. I did not invite her.” The one mistake that Shay promised herself she wouldn’t make, was now being made. In an instant everything came gushing back to her. It was like all the pain she had suffered was all surging back up to make it’s final hit right where it hurt the most. Was it bad that five minutes after walking into the door she felt the room already beginning to spin? She wanted to respond, but she didn’t have the words.

        “Shay Elizabeth! Happy late birthday hun!” She wasn’t even aware of arms sliding around her body. She was only aware of the now constricting pain. She was supposed to be thrilled to see this person, at ease, but at the moment she couldn’t feel anything. What was she doing? She was acting weak, when everybody else was strong. This had to stop. She could get through two days of hell. She would survive this.

        “Please don’t remind me. Your son did enough of that for a lifetime,” She stood up straighter, put a smile on her face, and squeezed the life out of the woman in front of her. She wasn’t sure if she was that happy to see her or if she was getting some pent up frustration out.

        “Yes, I do recall him telling me about you clawing his eyes out. Way to go!” Shay laughed at her second mom. Throughout most of her life, she had called Lynn mom. She didn’t know when it had started, but it had never stopped. This was possibly due to the fact that her own mother had never been in the picture much due to a big explosion between her and her dad. Her mother always visited, but her dad had primary custody. Since her younger days, however, Shay had accepted her mother into her life like she had never left. She was always taught to forgive and forget, so that’s exactly what she did.

       “You made it! I’ve been trying to call your phone,” Justin’s voice was low and full of uncertainty. He didn’t know if she was going to break down any second. He was practically cursing ever since he had walked in the door and seen what he didn’t want to see.

        “Sorry. I left it at the house. Rachel practically dragged me out like a rag doll. I could have forgotten everything,” Rachel shoved her side, and she smiled, “I even wore these uncomfortable shoes. I forgot I was going to be here late decorating.”

        “Are you okay?” Justin’s breath tickled her ear, sending her whole body into convulsions full of goose bumps.

       “Peachy. Thanks!” She gave him a reassuring smile that perhaps faltered a little bit somewhere between the beginning and the end. She had put Justin through hell with all of her drama, and for one night she wanted them to be like they used to be.

       “Alright ladies and gents! The party is here so lets get lined up. The order of girls is Marie, Tiffany, Noel, Tera, Rachel, and Shay. For the guys it’s Paul, Adam, Michael, Justin, and Trace. I guess just get lined up and link arms. Andrea wants everybody to walk and then split. We’ll have tape to mark your spots.” Shay was glad to be by herself, standing in the back. Listening to Haley Esposito talk, however, was like knives on a chalkboard. What better to have a retarded voice and a retarded last name? Well, maybe she shouldn’t pick on the last name so much. The line started moving. It was just a given that by the time the person in front of you reached the fifth pew up, the next person would move.

       Shay was the last to go, by herself. She had tried to talk Andrea into doing something different, but she wasn’t budging. It wasn’t as if she wanted to walk down with him, but at least now she wouldn’t be walking down all alone with everybody staring at her. At least she wouldn’t be staring at him in the eyes as she did so. At least it wouldn’t feel like what should have happened.

        “Who giveth this woman away?” She was sure that she was going to tear up tomorrow. Undoubtedly she would. Absolutely she would. She almost teared up now. It also had nothing to do with him.

        “I do.” As Andrea’s father stepped back, Shay took the bouquet that she had spent hours making out of bows from all of the bridal showers. She took Andrea’s place and Andrea took hers. She hooked her arm in Duncan Esposito’s, elbowing his side. He winked at her from the side. He was the kind of gentleman that anybody would want to be.  Standing up here like it was her wedding made her want to cry and run back down the isle. Zoning out may be the best thing she could do. Maybe it would make time pass slower.

         “Why thank you gorgeous,” Andrea took back her brightly colored bouquet and started the reverse walk down the isle. Her heart had never hammered so hard. This was it. The flower girls were already halfway down the isle. Taking those steps reminded her of everything that was.

       The moment her arm linked in his, it was like slow motion. She could hear the tick in her ears. She could feel the throbbing of her heart. Her feet moved, but she didn’t remember moving them. They moved her all the way to the end of the isle. She parted with him, not speaking. Instead, she watched Justin and Trace walk down the isle.

        They were both looking at her quite curiously. She had a grin on her face from ear to ear, much like the time when she graduated from high school. She was so glad to be free of that burden. Her arms wrapped around Trace and Justin’s shoulders. Rachel suddenly ran over and rung her neck to show support. Everybody stepped back, looking at her in a daze. Maybe they were waiting for the choir to sound, but none of that was needed.

        “I’m free,” She was still smiling, something that none of them would forget. This was the first day she had smiled and forgotten him in a long time. Forgiving, no. But certainly on her way to forgotten. Things were looking up.

  “Let me not to the marriage of true minds
admit impediments. Love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark.
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
it is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
within his bending sickle's compass come;
love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare has empowered many, and willed people to love.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on Andrea, back in grade school. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. I knew from then that if we ever crossed paths, that we would be friends forever. I remember her sitting with me at lunch in the tenth grade. Here I am sitting there eating from the pizza line, and she plops down and starts talking to me like I’ve known her my entire life. Normally, due to friends that I have and love, I would be cautious about somebody. But just looking at Andrea, I knew she was the real deal. She was my savior.

Since that day a long time ago, we’ve had so many journeys together. We’ve laughed and cried together. She’s always been by my side, comforting me when I needed it the most.

Duncan, this is the woman that you get. You get Andrea, who will always be there no matter what. You get Andrea, the girl who once streaked through the fraternity just for redemption. You get the Andrea that nobody else has ever seen. With that, you get a piece of me.

           To Andrea and Duncan, may your journey never end.” Tears slipped down her cheek as Andrea hugged the life out of her. She didn’t have a speech prepared. She had a poem, the rest she was going to make up, and she did. It was all she could do to hold it together. Shay grinned and sat back down. Her friend was married. MARRIED! There was such a time when she remembered when it was supposed to be her standing at the alter.     

        He looked perfect in his suit, like always. She couldn’t help but glance over there every now and then. Listening to his best man speech, really left her speechless. His speech was full of emotion and hopefulness, but was he really those things? She knew him. Whoever was on his arm tonight, did not. It was funny how he hadn’t even said a word to her. He had given up on her the moment he saw her run out of that club, because they had never spoken again. Rightfully so, however.       

          “Where is the fucking love?” A familiar arm draped around her shoulder, dazzling her out of her reveries.       

         “Up your ass and around the corner. Who needs love when I have you?” There was a nice chuckle that came from the man beside her.       

        “Are you planning on staying?” She looked up at him with a smile so bright she could have lit up the dim room.        

       “Lets go home cowboy,” She wrapped her arm around his waist like she always did. She looked back one last time at her past. She was supposed to get married a month ago. Her and Andrea had planned their wedding a month apart on purpose. They wanted to have something to share, something in common. Her and Harper were supposed to walk down the isle after three years of romance. Duncan, the guy that her best friend had just married, happened to be Harper’s best friend as well. The thing about love, however, it can end as abruptly as it started.       

        One night at a club, she found herself backed against a wall making out with him. She didn’t know what had happened, but a fire was building inside of her just waiting to ignite everything around her. That night started three years of passion and love.      

         The thing about guys you meet in a club one night is, you never know when they are going to meet another girl just like you in a club just like the one you met in. You never know when you’re out celebrating your last month of singledom with your best friend, who just happened to start on his second album, what exactly you will find.        

         She was a good person, a really good person. She prayed every day, she had chosen the right path in life, but love was not something she ever wanted again. She never wanted to feel that pain again. She didn’t know what she had done to wrong the love gods, but it must have been something monumental.      

        It wasn’t long after she caught Harper cheating on her that she learned that it had been going on for a year. It was funny because it had started two weeks after they were engaged. As much as he promised her he loved her, how could you love somebody when you constantly lied about everything you ever stood for?

        But the night Justin took her home, the night of Andrea’s wedding that was how she knew that she was a new person. She no longer thought of Harper as a person in her past. She didn’t think of him at all. She was a new woman. Love meant nothing anymore, so she might as well be the best damn friend to everybody she could possibly be. This meant makin.g up the past two months to Justin, Trace, and Rachel. How she was going to do that, she didn’t know