He had eyes of steel blue, eyes that spoke volumes just by looking at you. In one glance he could tell you his deepest most inner secrets, secrets that he vowed never to utter to anyone.
He looked out upon the hill, and glanced down toward the shore line where boats were lined up, waiting to be loaded with precious cargo. Somewhere down there, his destiny awaited him, yet he did not know it.
He sat down on the raspy, green grass and pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. He closed his eyes, as he leaned back to take in the smell of the ocean.
Long ago before he even came here, he remembered something that was not supposed to be remembered. He had vague images of a life that he knew he had lived, and could have sworn he knew.

Much of his past remained unknown to all those who knew him, and if one tried to ask he did nothing but merely look the other way. He walked down the hill and onto the busy street to walk across the road to the local pub.
As he entered the bell above the door twinkled, he felt himself getting agitated. He glanced around the bar, and found an empty spot by the bar. He smiled to himself and walked up to the stool, perching himself onto it.
“So what’ll be today then?” the cheery, younger bartender asked him. He smiled his million dollar smile and glanced behind the man.
“The usual Don,” he replied and Don nodded, walking away to make his drink. A few minutes later Don came back.
“Here you are,” Don said placing the drink in front of him. “Now don’t it be like last time.”
He rolled his eyes and just nodded as he took a sip of his drink. The minute he the cool, icy liquid ran down his throat, the memories flowed back to him, like a terrific river.

“I’m not who you think I am,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. Everyone in the room looked at him with accusing eyes.
“We’ve known you for a long time Jayce, some of us more than others,” Chris replied, “And this isn’t like you.”
“Yeah it is,” he replied rolling his eyes as if they were all dumb. “This has always been me.”
“No it hasn’t Jayce, stop lying to yourself,” this was the voice of his so-called best friend Justin, and there was a hint of anger to it.
“I’m not lying!” He hollered, standing up and glaring at them all. “Why won’t you listen? This is me!”
“Jayce…” Chris began standing up too and placing a hand on his arm, “Calm down, you’ve had too much to drink.”
“Fuck off,” he hissed to his older friend, “You don’t know shit. So stop acting like you do.” And without another word he walked out of the room, leaving behind flames of anger as he did so.

His third, no fourth, no fifth, he’d lost count. But as his next drink came all he could remember about that day were the ships on the dock and the smell of oil. His mind was so clogged up, full of shit, and he didn’t care.
He’d tried countless times to fix the shit, trying to figure out how to clean it up. But every time he tried he messed up, now was one of those times.
“Take me home sweetheart,” her voice said. It was a sugary sweet voice that uttered in his ear with plush softness. He smiled, and instead of answering her he just nodded. He finished his drink and turned to face the woman.
She was tall, and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he smiled to himself and pulled to him for a sloppy kiss. She didn’t seem to mind, because she kissed him back hungrily, and before he knew it they were in a cab and heading somewhere, he just didn’t know where.

They were all around him, suffocating him, wanting to know where he’d been last night. He sighed in frustration as he tried to push past them.
“Josh please,” his mother pleaded and he rolled his eyes. He could not believe they’d called his mother this time.
“Please what?” he snapped rather rudely, he had never been one to be rude to his mother but now he was.
“Tell us what’s wrong, we can help,” she begged with tears in her voice and he just shook his head, no one could help him.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he hissed and again tried to push away from the circle, but was stopped by his father.
“Josh stop it.” His father demanded placing a stern hand on his chest to stop him. “Let us help you.”
“Help me with what dad?” he asked angrily, “There is nothing to help me with, and I’m fine.”
“You’re not, you’ve been like this ever since Celebrity gave out,” Johnny, their manager, interjected. He just snorted at that.
“I am this,” he stated turning to look at Johnny, “So get that straight, this is me and always has been.”
“No it isn’t Jayce,” Johnny replied, “Please let us help you, I know someone…”
“I don’t give a shit who you know,” he snapped back, “Because I’m fine and I don’t need help!”

He snapped his eyes open, as if woken from a horrid dream and looked around him. His surroundings were unfamiliar to him, and he began to panic, wondering what had happened.
He looked to his left, and lying next to him, on her stomach, was a beautiful brunette, naked and content. He groaned and looked down at his own body, which was also bare of clothes. Crap, it had happened again.
He sighed and slowly got up, and made sure not to make too much of ruckus as he got out of the bed and threw the sheets lightly back.
He had done this many a time before, so now was just as easy as taking candy from a baby. He straightened himself out and stretched, looking around for the items that he’d been wearing the night before.
In the corner of the room, on the old oak chair, he spotted his shirt and down by the foot of the bed, only mere feet away from him, lay his boxers and jeans. He reached over and slid back into his undergarments, then into his jeans before walking over and grabbing his shirt.
As he pulled the shirt over his head, a sound came from the bed. A soft moaning sound, a sound of a woman waking up after sex. He turned and saw the woman staring at him, with the sheets pulled up to her chest.
“Where are you going?” she whispered and he just shrugged.
“I have an early meeting,” he lied like he’d been doing it his whole life, right down to the bone.
“But it’s late,” she pointed out, and he looked at his watch. She was right it was past twelve.
“Yeah but you know how it is in my line of work. Twelve o’clock is early,” he said producing his million dollar smile, hoping she’d accept this. She did and lay back down, not removing her eyes from him.
“Then you’d better go or you’ll be late,” she said and he nodded as he made his way for the door.
“I’ll call you,” he said and stepped out into the cold air knowing for a fact that he would never lay eyes on her again.

He could feel his blood boiling as he sat on the phone with the representative from Jive. And it made him want to have a drink.
“What do you mean not ready? I finished recording a week ago!” he snapped, his thread becoming extremely short.
“I know, but there are complications that…” the man began but he cut him off, he did not want to hear it.
“I don’t give a shit,” he snapped, “I don’t care what complications…”
“Fine we’re holding out to see how well Justified does before…” the man began again in a panic.
“I’m not Justin Timberlake!” he boomed into the phone, “I’m JC Chasez; get that into your head!”
“I didn’t say…” the man tried again, but he cut him off by slamming the phone shut and reaching for a beer.

He’d always hated been compared to Justin, ever day for the past ten years it had been like that. But Justin had been his friend, his best friend to be precise, so he’d just let it slip. But now things were different, he and Justin were no longer as close as he’d liked them to have been. And it was all because Justin had released his solo cd and reached super star status, leaving him out in the cold alone.
“Turn that shit off!” he snapped turning his head to see who had turned on that God awful music.
“It’s public property, they can listen to what ever they want,” a familiar voice said, he turned back to face the voice. It was the bar tender.
“Not when it’s that shit,” he grumbled under his breath as the sounds of Justin belting out Cry Me A River filled the room.
“That’s a pretty cool song,” the bartender commented and he just rolled his eyes.
“It’s about how Brit decided she wanted to fuck Wade instead of him,” he replied bitterly taking a swig of his beer. The bartender looked at him with confusion.
“Now that’s just making an assumption…” the bartender began.
“No it’s not,” he snapped, “It’s the fucking truth.”
“And how would you know?” the bartender laughed, but cut it short as he received a glare.
“I had to live with the ass for ten fucking years of my life,” he snarled, “That’s how I fucking know okay? He used to be my best friend.”
The bartender laughed and shook his head, “Yeah right. Keep dreaming Josh.”

He was angry, as he usually was about these sorts of things.
“Why do we have to take a break?” he snapped at Johnny and the rest of the guys.
“Well Justin wants to…” Johnny began but was cut short by Justin.
“I want to release a solo record,” Justin said softly, “Just to feel things out, I have a lot on my chest right now that I need to get out. With the break up and…”
“What? Not getting enough attention being in the group?” he snarled bitterly and Justin protested.
“No Jayce it’s not…” Justin began.
“Don’t lie to me J,” he spat, “I’ve known you for too long to know when you’re lying.”
“But I’m not!” Justin cried and he shook his head.
“Yeah you are,” he stated, “Just tell us the fucking truth for once in your pathetic life.”
“Jayce…” Johnny warned sternly, “Justin’s not lying, he’s telling the truth.”
“He is Jayce,” came Lance’s voice from the corner of the room, “And I think we should support him and let him do it.”
“Well then I want to do a solo record too,” he demanded and everyone looked at him in shock.
“That’s a bit sudden Jayce...” Johnny said and he cut him off.
“I don’t give a shit. Justin’s decision was sudden and I don’t see you complaining about it,” he snapped.
“No Justin thought his decision out, you’re just doing it because of Justin,” Johnny replied calmly.
“I do not make decisions because of Justin,” he hissed glaring at his friend. “If Justin is doing a solo record then so am I, end of story.”
“Jayce you just can’t…” Johnny began but it was too late, he’d gotten up and left. Feeling even more angrier than when he came in.

It wasn’t just the whole Justin situation that had pissed him off; it was more complex than that. But he couldn’t quite place his finger on it. His whole life he’d been feeling like that, like he didn’t belong.
He took another sip of his drink, before putting it back down and decided he needed something stronger. He ordered a few shots of tequila.
“And keep ‘em coming!” he hollered to the bartender. “Don’t let them get dried up!”
“It’s expensive Josh,” the bartender tried to get him to stop his drinking for the night.
“So what? I have the money to burn!” he snapped, annoyed that someone had not taken his orders.
“Josh, please if you don’t keep it down I’ll have to call you know who,” the bartender tried again and he just shook his head.
“No you won’t,” he replied with a laugh, “I fired him last week.”
“You did?” the bartender asked, although he wasn’t surprised. “What happened now?”
“Didn’t follow orders,” he slurred taking a drink and slamming the glass back onto the counter. “Where’s my drink!”
“Josh, his orders are to protect you…” the bartender began and he shook his head.
“Where’s my drink!” he demanded again ignoring the bartender’s last words.
“I’m sorry Josh, but if he’s not around then you know the rules,” the bartender said, “No more alcohol.”
“Shouldn’t have fired him then should I?” he asked in a slurred voice filled with amusement and the bartender shook his head.
“No you shouldn’t have,” the bartender replied, and pulled his last drink out of his grasp.

“I haven’t heard from him have you?” Chris asked Joey one day as they met up for an early morning breakfast. Joey shook his head and continued to munch on his breakfast burrito.
“Nope,” Joey stated stuffing more of the dish into his mouth.
“Wonder where he could be,” Chris muttered to himself more than Joey, “No one has seen him in ages, and he hasn’t even called his mother. That’s not normal.”
“Jayce is not normal,” Joey stated and Chris laughed, that was true he wasn’t. But he soon became sombre again.
“When was the last time anyone recalled seeing him?” Chris asked and Joey shrugged.
“Last time I saw him was at the Vanity Fair party, and he looked like shit,” Joey commented.
“Had he been drinking?” Chris asked and Joey nodded gulping down some juice.
“Yeah like a bloody river,” Joey said and licked his lips. “That whole thing with J really bugged him out.”
“I know man,” Chris agreed sipping his coffee, “Last time I saw him he didn’t even say hi. Just walked past me as if I didn’t exist.”
“Something’s up with that,” Joey replied looking around him for more food. He was hungry today. “You gonna finish that?’ He gestured for Chris’ half eaten pancakes.
“No,” Chris said shaking his head and pushing the plate to Joey. “Have J and Lance seen or spoken to him?”
“Not that I know,” Joey replied, “But last thing I did hear about that whole Super bowl fiasco.”
“Yeah apparently he called J and went ballistic,” Chris finished, “He was pretty upset.”
“I would be if I was him,” Joey commented and begun on the pancakes.
“So would I,” Chris replied, “But just disappearing like that?”
“I dunno,” Joey said, “Maybe he felt like he needed to get away.”
“Yeah but where to?” Chris questioned and Joey shrugged, he had no idea.

He left the bar, and very unsteadily made it out the door and into the street. He swayed this way and that, until he walked into the small light provided by a nearby lamp post.
He shaded his eyes from the light and looked up and down the street, wondering where to go from here. A few feet away he spotted a bar, and smiled to himself as he began making what seemed like the longest walk down the street.
He entered the new bar, which thankfully for him had no Justin music blaring from the speakers. He nodded in approval as he walked towards the dimly lit bar and sat on the nearest stool.
“One beer over here!” he called, and the new bartender turned to face him with a disapproving look.
“You’ve been drinking too much tonight,” the bartender said, “Sorry but I can’t...”
“What’s wrong with you people?” he bellowed, “Can’t a guy get a drink?”
“He can, if he’s sober enough to remember it,” the bartender replied calmly. “You buddy have had too much.”
“I’m not your buddy!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, “I’m no one’s buddy!”
“You mean there’s no one I can call for you?” the bartender asked and he shook his head.
“Nope, every last one of them deserted me,” he whispered, his voice becoming harsh and bitter.

He hadn’t expected them to find him; in fact he thought they’d forgotten about him. But waking up the next morning, with his head feeling as if ten thousand bricks had fallen onto it, and seeing their faces made him smile, even if it was only brief.
“Jayce?” he sat up slowly, wondering if he’d heard the right voice and glanced around him.
“J? What happened? What are you guys doing here?” he asked in a harsh voice.
“We tracked you down,” another voice, which he was sure, was Chris, said. “Jayce you need help.”
He shook his head furiously and tried to get up. “I don’t need anything,” he hissed angrily, “I’m…”
“No you’re not.” Now he was sure of the voice and turned to face it.
“Yes I am,” he persisted glaring at his friend, “What do you care anyways J?”
“I’ve always cared,” Justin replied, “We’re brothers man, that’s what brothers do for each other.”
“Yeah when one is in trouble…” Joey put in and he snapped.
“I’m not in trouble!” he snapped glaring at each one of them. “What do I have to do to get that through your heads?”
“Accept our help,” Lance said simply, “If you think you don’t have a problem prove it to us by getting help and making us waste our money.” He grunted and rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” he muttered giving in, knowing that was the only way to get them to shut up and accepting the fact that he did not have a problem. “I’ll go to get your bloody help.”

He walked into the white reception area, the rest of his family and friends right behind him, and as he did so he felt stuffy and agitated.
“Come on Josh,” his father hissed in his ear, softly nudging him forward.
“I’m going,” he snapped back as he fell forward and caught himself. He still thought this was a ridiculous idea.
“Mr Chasez,” the lady behind the counter greeted with a big, fake smile. He scowled at her, in the process for a nudge in the ribs from his father. “Welcome.”
“Whatever,” he replied with a roll of his eyes.
“Hi, we’re here to check Josh in?” his father interrupted giving him a foul look.
“Okay then,” the lady replied with another smile. “What are you in for?”
“Nothing,” he grumbled but his father corrected him.
“Josh has a little problem…” his father began but he cut him off.
“I don’t have a problem!” he snapped angrily, “I’m just here to prove to everyone that I don’t have a problem!”
“Um, right then,” the lady said unsurely as she typed up something into her computer. “Hope you have a speedy recovery!”
“Thank you,” his father replied, “We hope so too.”
“I’m already fine,” he muttered, but before he could say any more he was dragged away.
“Josh!” his father snapped at him, “Can’t you be a bit polite?”
“Why?” he asked with a grunt, “Like they care.”
“They do Josh,” his father replied, “That’s why you’re here because people care enough to want to help you.”
“No they don’t,” he hissed in reply, “They’re just pretending.”

The room was stuffy and there was hardly much light, he could feel himself wanting a drink. He sighed and flopped down onto the bed, there was no one here who cared about him, his family and friends had left him here, to face the unknown alone.
He rubbed his eyes and thought about lying down and getting some sleep, but that was not possible.
“You must be the new guy right?” he looked up and saw a lanky looking guy standing in front of him with a smirk plastered on to his face.
“Yeah so?” he asked not wanting to get into a conversation right now.
“I’m Jake, what you in here for?” the man, Jake asked walking over and plonking himself onto the bed next to him.
“Nothing,” he grunted and tried to ignore Jake hoping he’d go away.
“That’s what I used to say,” Jake replied, “You got a name?”
“It’s none of your business,” he snapped and Jake held his hands up in defence.
“Whoa, calm down man. I was just trying to be friendly,” Jake replied and he rolled his eyes.
“Yeah well you’re wasting your time,” he spat back, “I don’t need any more friends.” Jake sighed and got up, walking to the door. Before he left he turned and faced him.
“You know, everyone here knows who you are,” Jake stated.
“Then why did you ask?” he asked in anger and Jake shrugged.
“Just thought I’d tell you, you’re not Justin Timberlake so if you think you’re going to get special treatment here then you came to the wrong place,” Jake replied and then he was gone.
He could feel his blood boil, he had only been here five minutes and people were already comparing him to Justin, again.

“So Josh…” the lady with umber white hair, named Dr Halley began.
“It’s JC,” he corrected angrily, glancing around the smartly up kept room.
“Okay JC,” the doctor answered looking at him with stern eyes, “Why are you in here?” He looked at the doctor and shrugged.
“I don’t have a problem,” he answered bluntly and went back to looking at the décor in the room. The doctor sighed and removed her glasses to clean them.
“JC, nobody is in here for nothing,” she said with a sigh and he glared at her.
“Yeah? Well I am okay?” he snapped and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Okay,” the doctor said with a sigh, “Why don’t we start with your name? What does JC stand for?”
“What do you think?” he asked angrily, “It’s my initials.” He rolled his eyes; this doctor was not all that smart as they said she was.
“JC, I’m only trying to help,” the doctor said almost at the edge of her thread.
“I don’t need any help. I’m FINE,” he said stressing the last word.
“Do you really believe that?” the doctor asked and he gave her a firm nod. “You do know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem?”
“Of course I do,” he shot back, “But I don’t have problem that I need to be recovering from.”
“Fine then,” the doctor said closing her file with an angry snap. “I can’t help you then.”
“Good, then can I go?” he asked with a snort.
“Yes you can,” the doctor replied, “But you can’t leave here until you are fully recovered, and well you haven’t even begun your recovery.”
“Well then I guess I’ll be here for a long ass time then won’t I?” he snapped and the doctor nodded.
“I guess so,” she replied.
“That’s fine with me,” he said with a growl, “It’s not like I have anywhere else to be anyways.”

He glared at the article, wondering if it could be right. Okay, so the reviews were great but what about the sales? Isn’t that what every thing meant?
The entire world was comparing his record to Justin’s and it frustrated him to no end. He crumpled up the article and tossed it into the nearest bin.
“Arghh!” he called angrily to the empty room, “Why can’t they accept the fact that I’m not Justin?”
He got up and walked towards the fridge, he wanted a drink, something that was stronger than beer. Something he could drown his sorrows in, make him forget about the record.
He found a bottle of vodka and plonked himself back into the couch and took a swig. He growled to himself as he thought about his pathetic manager who was not doing anything. He had left Johnny as a manager because of his reluctance to help him with the album, and instead had gone to some one who was supposed to be the next best thing. But he was shit; he did nothing but took his money.
“Another Lou,” he muttered to himself and took another large swig of his vodka. “I guess they’re all like that. Bloody crooks.” This time he grabbed the bottle and downed half of it, as he did so he began to feel a bit of a buzz.
“That’s more like it,” he said with a smirk and flicked on the TV and groaned. Another show about Justin. “What’s so great about him anyways?” His eyes watched the screen as Justin’s face smiled back at him. He grunted, and his eyes rolled back in his head.
He took another swig, and smiled to himself as the cool, icy liquid fell down his throat, this is what he needed.
“This will help me block out you,” he said to the TV as Justin spoke about his days in Nsync. Before he knew it he was back in that place again, the place where he was untouchable and he could forget about everything he ever knew.

He woke up and looked around him, great; he was still in that place. He groaned and tried to go back to sleep. But it was useless, he was awake. So he slowly sat up and looked over his shoulder to the empty bed in the room.
He smiled, because he was glad it was only him in the room. He didn’t need to be pestered with more people asking him rude questions about his life and Justin.
“Look who’s up.” He turned his head sharply to the door and saw another bulky man standing by the door, a man that reminded him of Lonnie.
“Who the fuck are you?” he asked with anger and the man chuckled.
“I’m Davie,” the man replied with a smile, “I’ll be your guard while you’re here.”
“My guard?” he asked with a roll of his eyes, “I don’t need no bloody guard.”
“Hey man, I’m just here to make sure you do as you’re told and don’t have any thing you’re not allowed to have okay?” Davie said his smile fading as fast as it had appeared.
“God, you sound like Lonnie,” he said climbing out of the bed as he did so Davie walked over to help him. “Back off, I don’t need help!”
“Who’s Lonnie?” Davie asked ignoring his last comment.
“My bodyguard. What else?” he asked with a grunt.
“You had a body guard? What for?” Davie asked grabbing his arm and leading him to the bathroom.
“Don’t you know who I am?” he spat and Davie shook his head.
“Nope, all I know is that you’re here for help and we’re here to give it to you,” Davie replied shoving him into the bathroom. “You have five minutes, then breakfast.”
“Ohhh fun!” he replied sarcastically and looked at Davie. “What?”
“Come on, let’s go,” Davie said leaning on the door and waiting for him.
“Well if you leave then…” he said gesturing for Davie to leave.
“Nope sorry can’t do that,” Davie said, “Need to keep an eye on you at all times.”
“Fine,” he replied rolling his eyes and turning around. “At least Lonnie wasn’t this bad.”
Davie laughed, “I’m not Lonnie.”
“Thank god.”

He could feel the stares on his back the moment he walked into the dining area, everyone knew who he was. But he ignored that, he had become an expert in doing that.
He grunted and stalked past the millions of tables to get to the cafeteria counter, with Davie hot on his heels.
“Okay slow down buddy,” Davie hissed in his ear pulling him to a gentle stop. He turned and glared at Davie.
“I’m not your buddy!’ he snapped and turned around to continue on his path.
The food looked as foul as the food they received on the tour bus. And he knew, just by looking at the over-watery eggs and soggy toast that he wouldn’t even touch a drop.
“I can’t eat this,” he muttered to himself, but Davie caught it.
“Yeah well this is it until lunch, so if you want to starve till then be my guest,” Davie put-in.
He frowned as he thought of what lunch could be like, probably the same standard. So he looked around for coffee.
“Don’t they have coffee in here?” he asked angrily glaring around.
“Nope, only juice,” Davie replied with a smile. He looked around and spotted the juice. It looked like bat piss.
“That’s disgusting,” he muttered under his breath. “I’m not hungry anyways.”
“Okay then your loss,” Davie said and pulled him away from the line. Won’t be much of a loss, he thought to himself as they walked out the room.

“Nice first night?” he looked up and groaned. It was that annoying one called Jake again.
“What do you want?” he snapped angrily, and Jake shook his head.
“Again, trying to make conversation,” Jake replied and he grunted.
“Well I don’t want to make anything,” he retorted, “All I want to make is a quick getaway from here.”
“Well like they say, the only way to do that is to begin by admitting you got a problem,” Jake replied leaning back on the couch.
“I don’t have a problem,” he replied with a grunt.
“Well then why are you here?” Jake asked and he glared at the man.
“I’m here because they put me here,” he snapped angrily.
“Who’s they?” Jake inquired.
“My family, who else?’ he shot back with a roll of his eyes.
“They wouldn’t stick you in here if you didn’t have a problem,” Jake added and he rolled his eyes, this boy was getting on his nerves. “Besides there’s only one way out of here.”
“And what’s that?” he asked sarcastically.
“Admit you have a problem,” Jake said getting up, “Even if you don’t.”

Jake had a point; if he was going to get out of here he would have to actually admit to having a problem, even if he didn’t believe it himself.
But as he thought of Jake’s last words to him, he also had thoughts of how his family and friends had lied to him. They told him that if he could prove he didn’t have a problem, he could go home. But here you had a problem, no question about it.
So here he was, with Dr Halley, lying through his teeth so he could go home and back to his bad habits.
“I have a problem,” he told her without room for argument, but she challenged that.
“I thought you didn’t have a problem?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, and he sighed.
“Well, I’ve thought about it and maybe I do. I mean I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have a problem right?” he asked, now slipping on the charm that ever woman in the world fell in love with.
“That’s right you wouldn’t,” she replied with a smile in response to his charm.
“So where do we begin doc?” he asked, and batted his eyes for more measure and leaned forward.
“Well…” the doctor began, wondering how to deal with this new JC. “We can begin by identifying when the problem started for you?”
“Oh you know how it is,” he replied with a fake smile, “in my line of work, with the pressure…”
“How was that like? Living in the spot light?” the doctor asked as she began to take notes.
“Very frustrating,” he said with a sigh. “I mean I just was always been looked at through a microscope.”
“I can imagine. So that is why you began drinking? Because you were feeling the pressure of always being perfect for the public?” the doctor asked with sincerity and he nodded, letting fake tears begin to brim at his eyes. “When exactly did the drinking become a problem as such?”
“I…I don’t know,” he said and began to produce huge crocodile tears. “It was such a confusing time…”
“It’s okay JC,” the doctor said buying into his tears, and leaning forward to place a hand on his arm. “I’ll help you through this.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, and brought his hands to his face and continued to crocodile cry. But behind the tears and behind the hands he smiled, because the quicker she believed in his act, the quicker he could leave.

With glazed over eyes, he glanced around the room and could not recognize anybody; either that or he refused to recognize anyone.
He saw the bar in the corner of the room, and made a beeline for it, ignoring everyone and everything in his path.
“Hey Jayce!” A familiar voice called out to him, he just shrugged and kept on walking until he felt someone grab his arm. “Hey Jayce?”
“What?” he snapped, spinning around to face the person. His face fell, only for a second as he saw who it was.
“What happened? Didn’t you hear me?” Chris asked with a big smile, and he just shrugged.
“No,” he lied, and his eyes eyed the bar. He heard Chris sigh.
“You’re not thinking of drinking yourself silly again are you?” Chris asked with a hint of sadness to his voice.
“What is it of your business?” he snapped back, not caring about his friend’s upset ness.
“Jayce, I’m only saying it because I care about you,” Chris whispered softly and he grunted.
“Yeah, well nice for you,” he replied not really caring. “Are we done here?”
“Jayce, please don’t..” Chris pleaded with those big brother eyes he gave all the guys when they were doing something unreasonable.
“I guess we’re done,” he said ignoring his friend’s pleas and turned his attention to the bar. “I’ll see you later.”
“Jayce,” Chris called again but it was too late, he had already had only one goal in mind, an ice cold beer.

“JC, wake up.” He snapped his eyes open and saw Davie looking right in his face.
“What?” he grumbled and rolled over to try and get a bit more sleep.
“Wake up princess,” Davie chuckled gabbing his shoulder and forcing him to get up.
“Fuck off,” he grumbled and fought to wring himself from Davie’s grip.
“No JC,” Davie said with a firm voice. “We have a family meeting in an hour.” He sat right up when Davie said that, he had forgotten all about his family and friends coming today, and as soon as he remembered his act began.
“Oh, is that today?” he asked with such charm it made you forget the man from a few minutes ago. “Sorry, I forgot.”
“That’s okay,” Davie said, also falling for his charm just like the doctor had. “Let’s just get ready so we’re not late.”
“Good idea,” he said with a fake smile, “Good idea.” Because now he was one step closer to getting out of there.

They were all eyeing him like vultures, and he twitched in his seat. Now his act was getting harder, as he had to make up numerous answers for the million of questions everyone was throwing at him.
“It’s become out of hand,” Johnny commented, when asked about his experience with the problem.
“Yeah, we definitely knew he needed help,” Chris added with a sigh.
“And we didn’t want to see him ruin himself,” Justin finished and he grunted. He highly doubted Justin felt like that, but all the same he produced a fake smile.
“I’m glad you guys cared so much,” he gushed looking around him, and seeing everyone around him smiling widely. “I would have never have done this without you.”
“Yeah you would have Jayce,” Lance said in a calm voice, “You were just being stubborn.” He looked at all his friends and saw small smiles form on their faces, and he just nodded.
“I guess I have been,” he replied, because even he couldn’t deny that.
“What would each of you like to see once JC gets out of here?” Dr Halley asked softly.
“We want our brother back,” Joey said with a nod and glancing at him. “He may not realize it, but he’s not our brother anymore.” He knew he wasn’t who they wanted him to be, he never had been.
“And I want my son back,” his mother added in a whisper.
“You’ll have him back,” he lied, not feeling an ounce of guilty as he did so. His mother looked at him, with tears brimming her eyes.
“I hope so Josh,” she replied with a sad smile, “I hope you mean it and aren’t just saying it.”
“I’m not mom,” he replied with a smile, “Trust me.”

“You lied to them didn’t you?” he looked up and groaned. What was it with this Jake dude?
“Yeah so what?” he asked with a grunt, “Not like they could tell.”
“Yeah well I did,” Jake reasoned walking into the room and leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
“So what if you did? I’m not trying to fool you,” he replied rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, but if you want to fool anyone you gotta get better than that,” Jake replied with a chuckle.
“What are you talking about?” he snapped glaring at Jake. “I’m doing a good job, besides if I wanted advice the last person I would go to would be you, so butt out of it.”
“Okay then,” Jake said throwing his hands up in the air out of defence. “I just thought you should know, your act is as stale as bread.”
“Well thanks for that,” he snapped with sarcasm, “If I need to know any thing else..”
“You know where to find me,” Jake finished, knowing how he would end his sentence.
“Oh fuck off,” he muttered under his breath.
“Gladly,” Jake said with a huge grin and walked out of the room.

After Jake left the room he was left alone to think about the conversation that had just taken place. Jake had said his act was as see through as a net, and this worried him.
Because if this was true, even as much as he refused to admit it, then what if he was stuck in here forever? He needed to up his game.
“Thinking about going home are we?” he snapped out of his trance and glanced around him and frowned.
“Of course, what else?” he snapped, “Besides, I thought you left.”
“I did, but then I thought you may need some advice,” Jake said with a smirk and he groaned.
“Look, like I said, if I needed advice you are the last person I would go to,” he replied with a growl.
“It’s not advice I’m prepared to offer,” Jake said leaning against the door frame.
“Then why are you here? To waste my time? Don’t you have somewhere to be?” he asked with sarcasm dripping off his lips.
“I do, but I believe I need to help..” Jake began but he cut him short.
“I do not need help!” he snapped, “What is wrong with everyone in thinking that?”
“Did I say you needed help?” Jake asked with a raised eyebrow. “You presumed I was going to say that.”
“Then what were you going to say?” he asked, “And make it snappy.”
“Why? Do you have somewhere to be?” Jake countered with a smile.
“No, I just don’t want to be around you,” he replied and Jake laughed.
“I don’t give a shit, because I’m here to tell you something,” Jake said and he sighed.
“We know that already, can you get on with it?” he replied with a growl.
“Fine,” Jake said standing up straight. “Like I said before, to get out of here you need to make everyone believe you know you have a problem, but that ain’t gonna work one way.”
“What are you on about?” he shot back and Jake rolled his eyes as if this was the dumbest question he’d ever been asked.
“You have to believe you have a problem too in order to make your act believable and Oscar worthy,” Jake replied and he grunted.
“Well, like I said, I don’t have a problem I’m just pretending that I do to get out of here,” he replied and Jake sighed.
“Then I guess you’re never getting out of here then,” Jake replied with a laugh.
“I guess not,” he replied sarcastically as Jake left without another word.

“Jayce, what happened between us?” Justin asked him with sad eyes.
“Nothing happened between us okay? You just thought you were better than me,” he replied angrily taking a bigger swig of his beer as he heard his friend sigh.
“I never thought I was better than you Jayce,” Justin replied sadly and he grunted.
“Stop lying to yourself J,” he replied finishing his beer and ordering another.
“Jayce, stop drinking please and talk to me,” Justin tried noticing his friend was going over board.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he replied as his new drink came. “Besides I can drink as much as I want.”
“No you can’t Jayce, it’s ruining you and that’s what we have to talk about,” Justin replied with pleading eyes and he glared at his friend.
“Oh really? I just thought you wanted to talk about what happened between us,” he hissed, “But obviously not, all you want to do was tell me what to do and what not to do.”
“No Jayce,” Justin replied, “All I want to do is help you because you’re my brother, and you’re not the same guy. You’re no longer my best friend.”
“Well you should be glad then shouldn’t you?” he snapped angrily and Justin sighed in defeat.
“I guess so Jayce. I guess so,” Justin answered, and these were the words he least wanted to hear, tearing into his soul like a thousand knives cutting into an apple.

He missed his friendship with Justin, heck he missed his friendship with all the guys. For the past few months he had pushed them further and further away from himself. But at the same time, he felt as if he needed to.
His whole life he felt deserted, even though he was surrounded by people that loved him. This had gone on for a long time, until that is he joined the MMC.
He felt that joining MMC was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, because he’d met his best friend.
He and Justin got on like a house on fire, and for ten years more they were as thick as thieves and went through everything together. And it was because of this friendship that made him open up again to everyone who cared. But now things had changed.
Now he and Justin were no longer partners in crime, they hardly ever saw each other. Justin was always busy with becoming a star and he was, well he was busy getting drunk.
He felt he had just been pushed aside, like a used cloth, and his new replacement had come in the form of beautiful blonde angel Cameron Diaz. And from his point of view, that sucked.
Now in his eyes, if one of his friends, his family, deserted him, then surely the others would be soon to follow, and because he didn’t want to go through all that headache, he decided to begin the procedure. He one by one pushed each and everyone of everyone who had cared for him away.
In the end he had replaced friendship and family with beer and vodka, a replacement that was the worst he could have ever made in his life, ever.

He jolted awake and sat up with a yawn. He looked around him and groaned, wishing he could just leave.
“Great, another day,” he muttered and began to clamber out of bed, just as Davie stalked in.
“Good you’re up,” Davie said with a smile and he growled at him. “Dr Halley wants to see you.”
“I don’t have to see her today,” he stated and Davie nodded.
“I know, but she said she wanted to see you, so get ready quickly,” Davie replied. He nodded and headed for the bathroom, wondering what the doctor wanted to talk to him about now.

“JC,” the doctor said without a smile as he walked into the room. “Have a seat.” He nodded and observed as she intertwined her fingers together in thought.
“You wanted to see me?” he asked sitting down, a fake smile plastered all over his face.
“Yes I did,” she said, still not smiling. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
“I’ve been better,” he countered, sensing something was amiss. “Yourself?”
“This is not about me JC, it’s about you,” the doctor replied calmly and opening up a note pad.
“So why don’t we begin then? Where do you want to begin?” he asked looking at her. The doctor placed down her pen and glared at him.
“Who do you think you’re fooling JC?” she asked, and he stared at her in shock.
“Excuse me?” he asked, trying not to let his voice rise to high.
“JC, do you really realize that you have a problem? Or are you just saying it to get out of here?” the doctor asked sternly, and he tried to brush it off.
“Of course I believe it. Why would you say that?” he asked rolling his eyes.
“JC, you may be fooling everyone else, but if you want to fool me you’re going to have to do better,” Dr Halley said and he looked at her with his mouth agape.
“I don’t know…” he began but the doctor cut him off.
“JC, stop fooling me and yourself okay? Pretending to acknowledge something that is really there is not a good idea,” the doctor said, “Because it can get you into some deep trouble.”
“But...” he said unsure of where to go and the doctor shook her head.
“No JC, until you drop this act you’re not going to get anywhere, neither are you going to get the treatment you need,” the doctor answered looking at him, knowing that this man was on a one way train to a bad place.

He had sat there in utter shock, not knowing what to say as the doctor told him exactly how his acting skills weren’t as amazing as he thought they were.
But now he was back in that bleak room which was supposed to be his for the next couple of weeks, and wondering where everything had gone wrong. The doctor had told him that until he perked up, and got himself together, there would be no more group sessions, nor would he be able to see his family and friends. At first this idea didn’t really bother him, in fact it appealed very much to him. But now, the more he thought about it, the more he ran it into the ground, the more the idea scared him.
As much as he was angry at his friends and family for reasons even he didn’t understand, he still wanted to be able to see them while in that place. So he knew now, he had to step it up a notch, and maybe, just maybe, he might have a problem. But what was that problem?

“So someone finally knocked some sense into you?” Jake asked with an authority to his voice that made him shiver. He grunted and rolled his eyes.
“No one knocks anything into me,” he snapped back and kept his eyes glued to the TV.
“Oh really? Because you’re acting different,” Jake said not wanting to be ignored.
“And how would you know?” he grunted, “We’re not even friends.”
“Who said anything about being friends?” Jake asked, “I just said you were different, that doesn’t mean we have to be friends.”
“Well to know someone to know they’ve changed you’ve gotta be good friends with them, and we are not friends,” he replied with a low growl.
“Look, I don’t care. All I care about is that you’ve changed,” Jake replied and he laughed at that.
“And why is that?” he asked trying to contain his laughter and Jake shook his head.
“Because it’s ruining not only my time here, but everyone else’s,” Jake replied angrily, “Your shit is ruining everyone else’s opportunities to recover.”
“So?” he asked with a roll of his eyes, “I’m not here for you am I?”
“Yeah, but here we work as a unit and if one link is rusty the whole unit falls,” Jake snapped back, “You know what it’s like to work in a unit don’t you? Seeing as you were one fifth of a boy band.”
“Don’t talk about us like that,” he growled, he may have still been angry at Justin, but he still felt a need to protect their name. “We are not a boy band.”
“Yeah you are. I mean, you’re five pretty guys who dance and sing together,” Jake replied with a shallow laugh. “And let your manager do all the dirty work.”
“We do the dirty work,” he growled under his breath.
“Yeah sure you do,” Jake replied sarcastically and slowly stood up. “That’s why you don’t get credit on any of your albums.” He glared at Jake that had been the wrong thing to do.
“Shut up,” he growled, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure I do,” Jake replied running a hand through his hair.
“Then why are you sputtering lies?” he asked, himself now standing up to face Jake. “Because as far as I can see everything you’ve said so far is bullshit.”
“Then why are you caring so much? I mean if I was lying, then obviously you wouldn’t get so mad you’d just let it pass,” Jake replied with a smirk, “Just like you did when they told you Justin was better than you.”
“That’s not true!” he snapped, “I did not let it pass when they told me Justin was better than me okay? Otherwise I wouldn’t be here would I?” Just then Jake looked at him with shock and smiled.
“I do believe you’ve got it,” Jake said. “You’ve finally realised what you needed to get yourself out of here. Congratulations.” And Jake was right, he had.

The next few days passed in a blur as he tried to sort out his feelings and his thoughts. Now he may have admitted to Jake, his deepest and darkest fear, but right now he wasn’t going to tell anyone else about it and he hoped Jake wouldn’t either.
It was true, when people had compared him to his best friend, telling him Justin was better than him, he hadn’t just let it pass because he knew it wasn’t true. They were supposed to be equals, brothers, and they still were.
But the pressure of being like Justin, according to the press, had made him who he was today. Someone with no other goal in life other than drink himself away into a blimp.
He knew what he was doing, and didn’t think it was bad. Because he thought he had it under control. But that day, when his four brothers had turned up and told him the truth, he had denied it, because he hated being wrong. Because being wrong was not something he wanted to be, being wrong meant he had to face his fear. A fear even he wasn’t sure of.
When he finally went to see the doctor, he felt his temperature rising, unsure of what to say to her. He was unsure if she would believe him, but all he had to do was hope and put his ass on the line.
He knocked very slowly on her door, his knuckles turning whiter with each knock, and he waited, holding his breath.
“Come in,” the doctor’s voice called from the other side. He smiled softly to himself and pushed the door gently open. “Ah JC.”
“Hi doctor,” he said timidly, his confidence seemed to have faltered the past few says.
“What can I do for you?” the doctor asked looking up from her books and nodding to the empty chair opposite her desk. “Please sit.” He stood by the door and nodded, moving slowly to the chair and sitting down.
“I just wanted to talk,” he said quietly and she raised an eyebrow.
“About what?” she asked closing the file she was looking at and giving him her full attention.
“Um,” he began and fiddled with the bottom of his shirt nervously. “My fear.”
“And what would that be?” the doctor asked softly, and he sighed, closing his eyes.
“Not being who people want me to be,” he said slowly opening his eyes again and rubbing them slowly.
“What does that mean?” Dr Halley asked looking at him seeming distraught.
“People always want me to be someone else,” he began and the doctor nodded.
“And do you have idea of who this person is?” the doctor asked and he sighed.
“Justin,” he barely whispered but the doctor caught it. He looked down at his feet, then back up at the doctor. “I know it’s wrong, the way I feel about him, because we’re supposed to be brothers…”
“Why do you feel like people compare you to Justin?” the doctor asked, and he shrugged.
“Because it’s always in the tabloids,” he whispered.
“Do you think Justin feels the same?” the doctor asked and he slowly shook his head.
“I know he doesn’t,” he hushed, “But it’s hard not to think that he thinks he’s better than me.”
“And do you think that is what lead you to your problem?” the doctor asked softly easing into the subject. He looked at the doctor with tear stained eyes, and for a moment wondered how to answer that question.
He looked down at his shoes, and took a deep breath in before replying, “Yeah, it is.”

Being so honest with the doctor had really got his heart in a bunch, especially confessing to her his problems with being compared to Justin.
A few minutes after he confessed he actually had a problem, he’d gone about bashing the tabloids and being compared to his best friend, even once in a while taking a pluck at Justin. And it had torn him apart.
Now he was sitting around, waiting, and it was a few days later. He was waiting to actually have a one on one with Justin as the doctor had suggested. Saying the only way to begin getting to the root of the problem is talking out the case.
But Justin was an hour late, and he began to wonder if his best friend really meant what he said when he’d called him the day before. Justin had said he’d love to come and talk to him, because they were brothers. But did he mean it?
“He’s not coming,” he said to the doctor crossing his arms over his chest and glancing at the clock as the big hand hit the twelve.
“Maybe he’s stuck in traffic,” the doctor suggested trying not to let him get his hopes down, but he shook his head.
“No, if he was he’d have called,” he replied with a sigh, the hand had moved to the one.
“Maybe his phone broke,” the doctor said and he laughed at that.
“No, J loves the thing too much. If it broke he’d fix it in a jiffy,” he replied smiling at his friend’s addiction to the phone.
“JC, he is coming,” the doctor re-stated. “He’s your best friend, your brother like you said, he won’t let you down.” Just on cue there was a knock on the door. Both people looked up. “Come in.”
The door opened and he felt his breath heighten, knowing exactly who was behind the door. He wondered what he would tell his best friend. Justin walked in, and upon seeing his friend smiled.
“Hey Jayce,” Justin said and looked at the doctor. “Dr Halley right?” Just like himself, Justin had turned on the charm that every woman loved about the two of them. It was a charm they had perfected together, being around each other so often.
“That’s right, and you must be Justin,” Dr Halley replied standing up and shaking Justin’s hand. “Please sit. We’re glad you came, JC was beginning to think you weren’t coming.” Justin looked at his friend and gave a sheepish grin.
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. My mom came into town this morning,” Justin replied and he nodded. He understood how important Justin’s mother was to Justin, and anything passed on that.
“It’s okay,” he replied, “How is she?”
“She’s good,” Justin said and the others noticed his face light up, but became sober again. “But we’re not here to talk about her; we’re here to talk about you Jayce. What did you wanna talk about?”
Talk about cutting straight to the chase, he thought and took a breath in, waiting for the doctor to cut in.
“JC do you want to talk? I’m just going to take notes if that’s okay,” the doctor said and Justin nodded in understanding.
“Jayce? Please let’s talk for once,” Justin said, his voice laced in pleas.
“I want to talk to you,” he whispered, “But at the same time I don’t want to hurt you. You’re my brother, I can’t loose you.”
“You won’t man,” Justin said matching the softness in tone.
“I know, but I can’t be sure,” he whispered, and looked up at his best friend with fearful eyes.
“You can Jayce. I’m your best friend, not even that we’re brothers. Nothing you can say can push me away, as much as you’ve tried,” Justin said and he could trace a hint of a smile in his words.
“Okay,” he said and closed his eyes nodding. “Here goes nothing.”

He re-opened his eyes and looked around the room. The first face he wanted to see was Justin’s, and when he glanced at his best friend he saw the ashen look upon his face.
“J?” he asked with uncertainty matching in his voice, fear written clearly along his features.
“I never knew you felt that way about our friendship Jayce,” Justin said in a quiet voice. He looked at Justin and sighed.
“It’s not all the time J,” he began slowly and Justin looked at him. “It’s only recent, when I feel down on myself.”
“No Jayce,” Justin said stopping him and looking at him with warm blue eyes. “I thought our friendship was stronger than that, I thought you’d see past all that.”
“I wanted to,” he whispered in a small voice, “I really did. But you just don’t understand how hard it was. Every day people telling me I wasn’t you, even when I was in here.”
“I can’t help who I am,” Justin whispered back and he nodded in acknowledgement.
“I know J,” he replied softly. “And that’s what made it even worse for me. I knew you had nothing to do with it, it was all me.”
“It wasn’t all you JC,” the doctor interrupted and both men glanced at her, almost forgetting she was there.
“It was,” he sighed and looked at Justin. “It was because of my own self confidence that I began drinking. I never believed in myself, and I think I still don’t.”
“Well you should,” Justin answered in a whisper, “you should always believe in yourself, because you’re worth it.”

Justin had left a few good hours ago, and now he was left alone to contemplate what had been said. Even though Justin’s words had not been harsh ones, he had still felt the blow of them and the confusion that came as the added bonus.
He knew that when he’d told Justin about his feelings, displayed himself openly on the canvas, that his friend was also hurting. Unawares of how harmful his superstardom could be. He also knew he shouldn’t blame Justin for that, but as hard as he tried, he just couldn’t stop.
“Great,” he muttered to himself as he paced up and down the tiny excuse for a room, unable to shake that certain feeling. “If I know it isn’t J’s fault, then why do I feel like it is?” He let out an aspirated sigh and flopped down on the bed.
“Started to talking to our selves have we?” He groaned, it was Jake. “You know what they say about people who talk to themselves right?”
“What do you want?” he asked closing his eyes, hoping Jake would go away so he would have a few minutes to think more about his friendship.
“Nothing, I just heard you talking to yourself and I thought I’d come check it out,” Jake replied, there was a slight smirk in his voice.
“Well you saw,” he replied not looking behind him to where Jake had latched himself to the door. “Now you can go.”
“Good,” Jake replied, but he knew Jake hadn’t left.
“Why haven’t you gone yet?” he asked not turning around as he heard Jake walk into the room.
“I thought I could help you,” Jake replied and he turned to face him.
“I don’t need your help,” he replied with a growl, getting agitated by the man who’d just invaded his space. “How many times do I need to say that? You’re not the doctor here.”
“Ah, but I bet you wish I was,” Jake replied with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. He just rolled his eyes.
“Why? So you can make me more corrupt than I already am?” he asked evenly and Jake shook his head.
“No, because who was the one who got you where you are today?” Jake asked and it was his turn to shake his head.
“You didn’t get me anywhere,” he replied angrily, “I got here all by myself, by making realizations by myself thank you very much.”
“Oh you’re one smart alec Chasez,” Jake laughed and looked at him. “Do you really think you got where you are all by your pretty self?”
“I know I did,” he growled, not even hinting to Jake that he knew he was right.
“Fine then,” Jake replied seeing the seriousness in his features. “But the sooner you realize that you’re not a one show man, the better off you’ll be.”
“Well thanks for the advice Doctor,” he replied sarcastically rolling his eyes, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Good,” Jake said with a satisfied grin, not catching the sarcasm. “I think I’ll go now, Oprah is on.”

He took in a deep breath and tried not to think about what was going on around him. Eyes bore into him, some accusingly others not. He didn’t know what to think. He took another breath before anyone spoke.
“We didn’t know you felt like that Josh,” his mother said quietly glancing down at her hands, not knowing if her son wanted to look at her.
He shrugged and looked at her. “I’ve always felt like this mom,” he whispered and glanced around, “I’ve just been really good at hiding it.”
“Yeah, we know,” came the low grumble from one of his friends and he sighed.
“I thought you only felt that way about our friendship,” Justin put-in and he sadly shook his head.
“No,” he said and looked down guiltily at his shoes. “It’s been a mixture of things, and I don’t think that you becoming as popular as you are helped.” Each word was like acid to a wound.
“I can’t help who I am,” Justin whispered and he nodded in understanding.
“I know you can’t,” he replied sadly, “That’s what makes it even worse.” There were tears forming at the back of his throat now, and he wondered how to stop them.
“It doesn’t make it worse,” his father cut in softly, “It just makes things harder doesn’t it?”
“Yes it does,” Dr Halley put-in cutting into the on going conversation. “It makes things harder for JC because it’s another obstacle he has to over come.”
“And what if he can’t over come it?” It was his brother’s turn to ask questions. The doctor turned to face JC.
“JC can you over come it?” she asked evenly not for one second taking her eyes off him. He sighed; he could feel her eyes boring into him with such intensity he looked down at his feet.
“I want to…” he began but she softly but firmly cut him off.
“JC you can’t hesitate, this is a decision that can cost you a lot more than just your memory,” the doctor said and he nodded.
“I know,” he whispered and looked back up at his family and friends. “I just don’t know if I can do it.”

In his dreams he felt as if he could feel it, grabbing at the back of his throat. Strangling him, urging him to break the rules he’d set for himself over the past few days.
The words the doctor had said, haunted him as they tore into his soul. Both of these things mixing and churning to make a concoction that was even deadlier than poison.
He sat right up, and began to panic, his heart racing faster than his mind to catch up with. He was sweating heavily and found his eyes darting around the room, trying to place himself.
The heart slowed down as his mind registered where he was. He let out a sigh of relief and lay back down again. Afraid to close his eyes again, he just lay there and listened, listened to his heart slowing down.
Could he over come this? He wondered if it would be like this every night, every day, as he fought for his sanity and his control. He thought of what the doctor said, and realised she was right.
If he could not over come this, then he’d be loosing a lot more than just his memory. He could lose his family, his friends and more importantly he could loose his brothers.
He could feel his breath disappearing again as he thought of this. The possibility of losing his life, the ones he cared about the most. Once, long ago he may not have cared as much, but now he did. He cared more than anything.
He didn’t want to loose his career over something like this; he’d worked too hard at it. But wasn’t his career part of the problem? He closed his eyes and thought for a second, everything seemed to point that way. He was always being compared to his friend, the tabloids and media pressured him to be perfect. Just thinking about all that he could feel the cravings slowly creep up on him.
He shook his head, trying to get rid of the feeling. It was then that he knew the problem was more layered than that, like a complex cake. He just didn’t know exactly what those layers were.

The feeling had come back, that horrible craving. The one that used to taste so sweet in his mouth, now tasted so foul and he couldn’t get rid of it.
He scratched the itch on his shoulder intensely, almost as much as to make it bleed. He needed to get rid of this foul taste in his mouth, and it needed to happen fast.
“I need to get out,” he grumbled to himself falling out of the small bed. “This place is killing me.” He regained his balance and rubbed his eyes, standing straight up.
He looked around him, getting his bearings for a second then took a deep breath in as he headed for the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” It was Davie. He sighed and thought fast for an excuse.
“Need some air,” he mumbled back, “Just going for a walk around the grounds.” He saw Davie give him a sceptical look, almost as if he didn’t believe him.
“Just a walk eh?” Davie’s voice was inked with question, he nodded furiously.
“Yup, just a walk. Don’t worry I’ll be right back,” he replied and rolled his eyes for effect. He heard Davie sigh and sit back down again.
“Okay then, but 15 minutes then you gotta be back ok?’ Davie asked and he sighed.
“Yes Lonnie,” he replied sarcastically and walking away. As he did so he heard Davie chuckle.

He knew he shouldn’t have even thought about stepping outside but his body was not listening to his head. He picked up his pace, even though he wanted to slow down and turn back.
Where would he go now? He looked up and noticed himself nearing the main gates, obviously they wouldn’t let him out. But he needed to get out, he didn’t care how, he just needed to.
“Where do you think you’re going? Does your supervisor know?” One of the guards asked as he approached.
“Yeah he does actually,” he replied rolling his eyes. “He actually wanted me to go down and pick up some cigarettes for him, he’s too tired.” The lies were rolling off his tongue again, blending in with his personality again. The guard laughed, and he could feel the knot tighten in his stomach.
“Yeah he always is, even his last charge said that,” the guard said with a laugh, he heard the gates creek open. “Okay then off you go, but come back in five ok?”
He smiled gratefully at the guard, and gave him a nod. “Sue thing,” he said, spilling on the charm. “I’ll be right back.” He wasn’t.

It wasn’t long before he found it; actually it was only a mere five minute walk from the gates. Along a dusty path and past some heavy bushes and there it was. Beaming at him with all it glory, calling out to him, and giving him a hand in. A hand which he took.
The minute he walked in he felt right at home, the familiar smell of alcohol filled his nostrils and making his taste buds go crazy. He eyed the bar and found the closest empty seat and hurriedly sat down on it.
“What can I get you?” He looked up and the friendly bartender smiled at him, wanting to help him. If only he knew he wasn’t helping him, not at all.
“The largest keg of beer you can lay your eyes on,” he replied in a small voice, almost afraid to be heard. The bartender nodded, not caring that what he was asking for was a bad, bad idea.
“Sure thing. Hard day at work eh?” the bartender replied venturing off to fill the order not hearing the smallness of his voice.
He nodded silently and stared ahead of him, the craving getting larger and larger with every moment.

“Josh! Josh wake up!” His eyes snapped open as he hazily sat up, wondering where he was.
“Where the hell am I?” he grumbled looking around and for some reason not registering anything in his brain.
“Where are you?” His mother’s voice repeated, it was glazed over with iciness. “You’re back home. Or do you not remember where that is?”
“Now, now Karen don’t be so harsh on the boy,” his father’s softer toned voice interrupted.
“Not be so hard? Don’t tell me how to discipline my son Roy!” Karen snapped back. “I come in here to clean out YOUR mess and what do I find? I find my drunken son that’s what. I find him here instead of where he’s supposed to be. In rehab getting over this problem.”
“Mom? Dad?” he asked, his eyes adjusting more to the light in the room and looking up to see the frazzled figures of his mother and father. “How the hell..”
“Did you get here?” Karen snapped glaring at him. “That’s a very good question Josh, why don’t you tell us that?”
“I don’t remember,” he answered shaking his head not able to remember how in hell’s name he’d ended up back home.
“No, of course not. You were drunk, as always,” Karen muttered back but Roy placed a calming hand on her shoulder and looked intensely at his son.
“Josh,” Roy began and sat down next to his son. “As you can tell, your mother is very upset. What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in rehab? And how did you get out of there?”
He looked at his father and placed his head in his hands, this was all too much for him. All these questions, his head was hurting to much.
“Can I get an Advil or something?” he asked softly, not looking up.
“Karen, get him an Advil or two then we can talk about this properly,” Roy said softly to his wife, who just gave a disgruntled snort but went off to find her son a painkiller anyway. “Josh? Do you remember anything from last night?” He looked up at his father and shook his head softly.
“No dad, sorry,” he whispered as his mother rushed back in with a glass of water and two Advil. “I don’t. I don’t remember a thing.”

There were stares the moment he walked back in, everyone staring and boring holes into his back. Accusing him, blaming him for making them worry and loose track of their own lives. And he felt as guilty as hell about it.
“Ah JC,” Dr Halley said as he walked in with his father, her voice was not at all pleasant. “I’m glad you came back.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled under his breath not daring to look up, because he knew she would bore him with questions that he couldn’t answer.
“I bet you are. I’m glad you’re father decided to bring you back, if I were him I wouldn’t have cared a shit,” the doctor replied in an even voice, she was telling him the truth and he knew it.
“Neither would I,” he whispered back lowering his head more
“So why did you Roy?” the doctor asked his father, he heard Roy sigh.
“Because as much as what you say is true doctor, I should have left him if he didn’t want to be helped. But I love him, he’s my son,” Roy replied softly and Dr Halley nodded.
“And that’s the exact reason why you should have done it Roy. Because you love him, and want him to have another fighting chance. Right JC?” She asked and he looked up for the first time. He saw her hazy green eyes stone over with authority.
“Yeah,” he whispered back, and he swore he saw her smile ever so slightly.

“JC, we need to talk about your little trip. I hope you don’t plan on making them permanent?” Dr Halley asked once his father had left and they were alone. He looked up at her and she didn’t smile.
“No,” he hushed and looked back down at his shoes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“What happened JC?” the doctor asked him, intertwining her fingers together.
“The craving, it came back,” he whispered in a scared voice, “And I couldn’t stop it.”
“JC, I understand that. Sometimes our cravings come back to us, badly, but we have to try and control them,” Dr Halley replied with a bit of sympathy but he shook his head at her.
“No you don’t understand,” he managed to croak; the tears were welling up in his throat so fast. He knew he had done something terrible this time, something he couldn’t make right. “I wanted to stop, really I did. I just couldn’t, it wouldn’t let me as hard as I tried.”
“That means you wanted to let it get to you JC,” the doctor responded, and he knew, deep down inside him he knew she was telling the truth.
“I know,” he whispered, “But it wasn’t like that honestly.”
“Really?” the doctor raised and eyebrow at him and he nodded. He wanted to make her believe him, because for once part of what he was saying was the truth.
“Yes really,” he said with a firm nod. “Even though it may not seem so plausible to you, it’s plausible to me.”
“I know it is JC,” the doctor answered, “So maybe you just have to find another way to make this more believable to me than it is right now?” He looked up at the doctor and nodded.
“Yeah,” he understood he had to. “I guess that’s what I’ll have to do then.”

The phone call came through to Dr Halley’s office around nine that night, and was relayed back to him half an hour later. He was lying in bed, thinking about his mistake knowing it had been a bad one. Worse than the times before, but he just couldn’t remember it, when Davie walked in with the news.
“I got some news for you.” This time there was no hint of friendliness in Davie’s voice. He slowly sat up and looked at Davie.
“What is it?” there was a glum tone to his voice, no one wanted to make pleasant tonight.
“Dr Halley just received a phone call,” Davie began not taking his eyes off him. He shrugged and lay back down.
“So what does that have to do with me?” he asked staring blankly at the ceiling.
“It has everything to do with you,” Davie stated. He growled under his breath, the events of last night were making him grumpy. “It came from the hospital.”
The word hospital made his stomach lurch, he hated hospitals. From their smell right down to the fact that where ever you looked you saw a needle.
“I still don’t get what...” he began but Davie cut him off angrily.
“Your friend Justin…” Davie stated, he growled even more.
“What about J?” he asked not getting up or even looking in Davie’s direction.
“There was an accident last night, the night you got out,” Davie said, and he sat bolt up right.
“What? Is J okay?” he asked, the panic in his voice apparent. That feeling of loosing his brothers was coming back to him fast.
“They wouldn’t tell us, all they said was Justin was in an accident,” Davie said softly hearing the panic in his voice. “JC…”
“Oh my God,” he said in just about a whisper. “I hope he’s okay. He’s gotta be okay.” Images of past and present and future with his friend went flying rapidly through his mind.

“No JC.”
“Why the hell not?” he sat opposite Dr Halley with his eyes flaring with anger. After hearing the news about his friend, this is where he’d come. “Why can’t I see him? He’s my best friend for God’s sake!”
“I know what relationship the two of you have JC,” the doctor replied evenly glaring at him, “But do you honestly think the board will let me let you out of here after the last stunt you pulled?”
“No but...” he began but she cut him off.
“No JC, no buts,” she answered looking at him, “After yesterday’s stunt there is no way you are getting out of here.”
“Not even with supervision?” he asked, his voice raising and the doctor shook her head.
“No, not even with supervision JC,” she answered back, “Because for all we know you could disappear on us again. How do we know you wont come back?’
“I will!” he pleaded, “It’s just to see my friend, please?”
“No,” she said with no room for argument and he sighed.
“How will I know if he’s okay?” he asked, bowing his head down to look at his shoes.
“I guess you’ll have to hear about it on the phone,” Dr Halley said standing up, “I’m really sorry JC, really I am.” And for once he didn’t believe a word she said.

He didn’t hear from anyone, not that day or the next, nor the day after that and he had this sneaking suspicion that everyone was avoiding him. Even Jake and Davie seemed to keep their distance, as if they were afraid of him, like he’d done something terrible.
“Why is everyone avoiding me?” he asked Davie as they walked the halls, Davie keeping his distance.
“They’re not JC,” Davie lied, his pace was getting slower. He stopped and turned to face Davie.
“Don’t lie to me Davie,” he replied looking at the man before him, “I can feel everyone keeping their distance, even Jake who seems to like to cling to me like a leech.”
“Jake is having his own issues to deal with right now,” Davie answered in a tight lipped response, “Not everything revolves around you you know.”
“I’m not saying it does,” he snarled and turned back around, “It just feels as if I have some terrible disease no one wants to tell me about.”
“It has nothing to do with you JC,” Davie said from behind him as they continued walking, “People just have their own problems to think about.”
“And what are yours?” he asked wondering if this may make Davie confess.
“What do you mean? I don’t have any problems,” Davie responded tensely and he gave a haughty laugh.
“Then why are you acting just like them? Avoiding me like the plague?” he asked and Davie shrugged.
“I’m not avoiding you, I’m right here aren’t I?” Davie questioned and he nodded.
“I guess you are,” he replied, he didn’t mention that it just didn’t feel right.

It wasn’t until later on that he finally was told what was going on, and when he heard about it it sent chills up his spine.
“JC, we need to talk.” He sat up and glanced at the door where the doctor had poked her head in. “Mind if I come in?” He grunted with a shrug.
“Sure,” he replied and swung his feet over the side of the bed. Dr Halley gave a weak smile and walked in, sitting nervously on the end of the spare chair in the room. “What is it?”
“JC,” the doctor began and placed her hands in her lap before looking at him, “I wanted to talk to you about your group therapy sessions this week.”
“What about them? They’re tomorrow right?’ he questioned wondering where this was all going, he looked around him as the doctor nodded.
“They are,” she replied, “But I just wanted to ask you not to keep your hopes up to high.”
“What do you mean?” he wanted to know rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
“Well I just got a phone call from your father,” the doctor replied, “And I don’t think many of your friends will be able to make it.”
“Of course not,” he replied rolling his eyes at her as if she was dumb, “J’s just been in an accident, that’s where most of them should be unlike me.”
“Yes but JC,” the doctor began looking at him, “There’s more to it than that.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked in an angry voice. “My friend is hurt, so they should be there not here.”
“I know,” she answered and looked around her, wondering what to say, “But there are rumours JC, rumours concerning you and the accident.”
“What? What are you talking about? You must be mad I was…” he began but she cut him off abruptly.
“Yes, we know where you were. You had escaped the center that night remember?” she said looking at him pointedly and he sighed, he knew that.
“I know,” he answered lowering his head guiltily, “But what that has to do with…”
“They say you were there JC,” the doctor said getting up and walking over to him. “People are claiming they saw you at the accident.”
“Who’s everyone?” He was almost afraid to ask and the doctor sighed as she sat next to him on the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“The news JC,” she answered. “The news and your friends, everyone is...”
“No but I wasn’t there,” he denied, “I would remember if I was!”
“I know but you don’t remember anything from that night,” she said softly, “For all you know you could have been there. Do you remember what I told you JC?”
“Yeah I do,” he whispered and looked away from her. He heard her sigh and knew instantly that she wasn’t talking about what he was thinking. His problem had cost him a lot more than his memory, and he couldn’t even remember if it was true.

“I promise not to let it happen again.”
“JC, wake up.” He felt himself being shook awake, violently. At first he stirred, and then his eyes flew open.
“What? Where am I?” he growled angrily glaring around the room wondering where he was.
“It’s okay; you’re just at the center.” He re-focused his eyes and looked up, to see the doctor looking down at him.
“Doctor?” he asked, slowly trying to sit up but she made him lie back down.
“Davie called me in here to try wake you up,” she explained to his unasked question, “It seems you were having a bad dream.”
“Would look like it,” he grumbled and rubbed the back of his neck, “I could swear I was…”
“Do you want to talk about it?” the doctor asked with concern sitting on the edge of the bed, he shook his head.
“No it’s okay,” he whispered, still shook up from his dream. He could swear it was real.
“Are you sure?’ she questioned placing a hand on his shoulder. He nodded and pulled away from her.
“Yeah I’m sure,” he mumbled and swung his legs over the side of the bed, as he did so the doctor stood up. “I just need to see J to know he’s alright.”
“Well you know what the answer to that request is JC,” the doctor said with a heavy sigh.
“I know, but couldn’t I at least…” he began but the doctor cut him off.
“No I’m afraid not JC,” she replied and he sighed.
“But it might help...” he tried again but she cut him off.
“Somehow I don’t think it will,” she responded walking out of the room. “I’m sorry JC, I really am.”

“Well this is a fine turn out,” he mumbled to himself as he walked into the room to see only his mother, father, brother, sister and Johnny sitting in the room or group. He knew where the others were, with Justin, where he should have been.
“Ah JC, good now we can start,” Dr Halley said with a smile as he walked in and sat down. He just grunted and rolled his eyes.
“I don’t want to be here,” he mumbled and he heard his father sigh.
“We know Josh, but it’s for your own good,” Roy put-in, he snorted at that.
“Well like I said...” he began but Johnny cut him off.
“You can’t be there Jayce and you know why,” Johnny said softly, he gasped and looked at Johnny in shock.
“What? You’re denying me from seeing my best friend?” he asked and Johnny shook his head.
“No, you’re only denying yourself of that. If you hadn’t…” Johnny tried, now he cut it.
“Well I did,” he snapped, “But that still doesn’t give anyone the right to deny me seeing my best friend.”
“Jayce…” Johnny began but this time his mother cut in.
“It’s not us Josh,” his mother replied, “It’s Lynn, she thinks…”
“She thinks you caused the accident,” Johnny finished softly, he let out a short gasp.
“What? But how can she?” he asked looking around the room frantically.
“It’s the rumours,” Tyler, his brother hushed, “The rumours have been flying around like crazy.”
“What rumours?” he asked angrily, he knew what the doctor had said about rumours but she hadn’t given him specifics and he wanted to know.
“Josh, they said you were there. That you were at the scene of the accident,” his sister Heather said softly not able to look at him. He looked at her.
“But I wasn’t, I would remember if I...” he began but the doctor silenced him.
“JC we’ve been down that remember? You don’t remember…” she began and he glared at her.
“I know anything from that night. I remember,” he sighed heavily and looked around. “I wasn’t there, I’m sure of it.”
“But there were witnesses Jayce,” Johnny began, “People saw you there.”
“How do they know it was me?” he countered and his mother sighed.
“People know who JC Chasez is Josh,” she whispered, and he nodded.
“I know but…” he tried.
“But nothing Josh,” Heather interrupted, “You were there they saw you. And…”
“And what Heather?” he snapped at his sister, “What else are they saying about me?”
“And...” his sister paused for a while, wondering what to say, “And people say it was you who caused the accident.”

He woke up again from another sleepless night in utter panic. He glanced around the room and wondered where he was, his eyes looking around him to find some clue.
He sat up and took a deep breath in before trying to remember the dream and everything that had been said to him that day. Had it all really happened? Had he really… No, he wouldn’t believe it, he COULDN’T believe it. He would never…
Oh God, he thought and rubbed his face with his hands, what if I did? What if it I put J in that hospital? Again, just thinking about this made his heart beat slow down and his breath stopped coming.
He shook his head and swung his feet over the side of the bed as he made his way over to the window and looked out.
Could the rumours be true? Was he to blame for Justin’s accident? After all he could not remember anything from that night, and even if he wasn’t there he couldn’t prove it. He sighed and looked up to the sky. There were no stars out, just clouds.
He then had a shaky feeling come over him, a feeling that began in his toes and was slowly creeping up his spine. His problem, his craving it had comeback and he hadn’t stopped it. Why? Because he wanted that drink.
He held back the tears as they forced to come, because even though he wanted that drink he knew he should have stopped himself but didn’t. Now he had to face the consequences. Like the doctor had told him that day not to long ago, next time he drank it would cost him more than his memory and she was right. It had cost him his brother.

Waking up to the sounds of birds chirping outside his window was not the way he wanted to wake up. He groaned inwardly and rubbed his eyes, here it was yet another day having left to wonder.
He sighed and slowly rolled out of bed, just before Davie walked in and pulled the curtains open.
“Glad to see you’re up, get dressed,” Davie told him, not wanting to look him in the eyes.
“What’s the rush? It’s not like I gotta be anywhere important today anyways,” he mumbled but he stood up anyways and headed for the bathroom.
“You got a visitor,” Davie stated, still not looking at him. He stopped in his tracks and raised an eyebrow at Davie.
“And who would that be?” his sarcasm had returned over the past few days due to the fact that everyone had been treating him like a criminal. Davie turned and looked at him.
“He says his name’s Chris; he’s a friend of yours?” Davie asked and he groaned inwardly, he knew exactly why Chris was here, he was here to tell him the truth.

“Jayce look at me.” The older man sat across from him, trying to get him to remember that night. The night when the craving had gotten the better of him.
“I didn’t do it C,” he mumbled under his breath, and Chris sighed not believing him.
“Jayce how can you say that? You don’t even remember where you were that night, for all we know…” Chris began but he cut him off.
“No, I know okay? I know I don’t remember, but I just know that I wasn’t there I couldn’t have been,” he sighed and looked at his friend. “You believe me right?”
“I want to Jayce but…” Chris’ voice trailed off.
“If I did that to J why would I just leave him there to die?” he asked, because he knew Chris wouldn’t argue on that one although he did.
“Because you were drunk?” Chris asked with a raised eyebrow, “Would you want to be caught by the cops driving drunk?” He looked down at his feet and sighed.
“No I wouldn’t C,” he replied and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “But why, I mean how…” He cut himself off in mid-sentence at a loss for words.
“I don’t know why or how Jayce,” Chris replied placing a hand on his arm. “All I know is what the cops have said and the rumours that we’ve heard.”
“Which are what exactly?” he wanted to know, still not knowing the full details.
“They are that you were there, running as fast as you could away from the accident…” There was a pause as Chris wondered how to form his next sentence. “Running away from J, your brother, leaving him there to die.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his ears were screaming with pain. Had it really happened like that? Had he left his best friend for dead? He shook his head as Chris gave him a puzzled look.
“Jayce? Are you alright?” Chris asked and he blinked, trying to figure out how it could have happened. He didn’t remember a thing from that night, and maybe this was why? Maybe he’d been so traumatized by what he’d done he’d blocked it out? “Jayce? Hello can you hear me?”
“W-What?” he asked and looked at his friend, “Sorry C, what did you say?” Chris looked back to him with a small smile.
“I asked if you were okay,” Chris said softly.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” he grumbled under his breath and turned away. Chris sighed before continuing.
“I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear but that’s what people are saying,” Chris reasoned and he shook his head. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, have done what they were saying.
“I know C,” he replied with a sigh, “But I…” He stopped short, wondering where to begin and where to end. He didn’t do it, he knew he didn’t. It had to be a mistake.
“Jayce you need to tell the truth,” Chris said placing a hand on his friend’s arm, “So you can get yourself out of this mess and for Lynn to let you see J.” He looked back at his friend with sad eyes and shook his head.
“But how can I do that C? I don’t even know what happened that night,” he replied and Chris sighed.
“You have to try and remember Jayce,” Chris said with sincerity, “If not for yourself then do it for J.” He looked at his friend and nodded, but he knew he would never be able to remember what had really gone on that night.

He tried not to think about what Chris had said, blaming him, pointing the finger at him, telling him it was his fault Justin was where he was, even though he didn’t remember a moment of it.
Now he sat back and closed his eyes, trying to remember, trying to bring back some hint of a memory so he could prove to himself and everyone else that it didn’t happen. That he hadn’t hurt his best friend.
He sighed, and opened his eyes, who was he kidding? He couldn’t remember even if he tried. He would never remember, and that was a price he’d have to pay.
“JC?” Dr Halley cut through his thoughts and he turned to look at her, “Can we get back to topic please?”
“Um, yeah sure,” he nodded and sat up a bit straighter, “What did you ask again?”
“I didn’t ask you anything, I was just saying that we needed to get to the root of your problem so that you can solve this problem with Justin,” the doctor replied and he rolled his eyes.
“I don’t have a problem WITH Justin,” he said with sarcasm, “I have a problem with people accusing me of landing him in hospital.”
“You know that’s what I meant JC,” the doctor replied, her patience wearing thin as she flipped open her note book. He sighed and glanced down at his shoes.
“Yeah I know, sorry,” he whispered before looking up at her. “So…”
“So why do you think you started drinking?” she asked and he shrugged.
“Apart from the reason we’ve already discussed before? Being compared to J?” he asked and she nodded in reply. “I don’t know.”
“Yes you do JC, sub-consciously you know. You just have to search for the answer,” she answered softly, while writing notes in the note book.
“But what if I’m scared to go there?” he asked and looked away, not wanting her to see how scared he was.
“I know you maybe scared JC,” she said with a soft smile, “But you have to over come that fear, because you need to go there. Why are you scared to go there?”
“Because I don’t know what my sub-conscious will tell me, and that frightens me,” he hushed and closed his eyes again. “What if it’s something I don’t want to accept?”
“Well then I’ll help you to accept it,” the doctor said, now looking up from her notes she leaned across the table and placed a hand on his arm.
“Thanks,” he replied with a small smile, hoping that he could accept whatever his conscious was about to tell him.

“Josh, what are you doing?” his mother asked walking into the room to find him cradling a bottle of beer. He looked up, and she could see the effects the alcohol was beginning to take on him in his eyes. “Josh?”
“Nuthin’ mom,” he slurred and turned his attention back to his drink. Karen sighed and walked over to him. The tour had been over for a month now, and every day she’s come home to find him sitting in that same position.
“Honey, is everything alright?” she asked, and placed a hand on his shoulder that seemed to shake violently as soon as she touched it.
“Yes mom,” he slurred again and glared at her, “Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” she questioned with a frown. “Josh, you’ve been acting like this for weeks now.” He shrugged, not really answering her question and she sighed.
Deep down inside of her she knew what was really bugging him, but didn’t want to admit it.
“I’m fine, mother,” he hissed, this time not even looking at her but at the table top instead. She shook her head, knowing she had to apologize before this got worse.
“Josh, I know you’re mad at everyone for not having the time…” she began but he cut her off, glaring at her angrily.
“The time? Mom, I haven’t seen you guys in like three months, and when I finally do come back here to spend time with you, you all rush off, like I’m some sort of plague. So don’t tell me about time you’ve spent with me because it’s been nothing,” he snapped and took another swig of his drink, “First the guys now you, I feel abandoned by everyone mom. Especially my family.”

His family. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. His family. The words kept running through his head like headless chickens. He sighed and lay back down, but quickly got back up again.
Shit, he thought to himself, he couldn’t go on like this. Having these dreams that would only haunt him in the long run. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on a pair of pants.
He ran a hand through his mangled hair and made his way out of the room, but not before Davie stopped him.
“Hold up,” Davie said placing a hand on his chest to stop him, “Where do you think you’re going this time? And don’t give me shit about going for another walk.” He glared at Davie and pushed his hand away before speaking.
“I’m going to find Dr Halley,” he hissed and tried to push past Davie, who didn’t believe him. “What? You don’t believe me? Fine, then go find her for me then, I’ll just wait here!” He stood back and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, as he glared at Davie.
“Fine, wait here,” Davie answered giving in. “Wait here.” Davie shuffled off to find the doctor and as he did so he rolled his eyes.
After a few minutes of waiting Davie came back and motioned for him to follow.
“Okay I found her, let’s go,” Davie said in a gruff voice. He nodded and said nothing as he followed Davie down the hall, after a few minutes the reached the doctor’s office. “In you go.” Davie gestured for him to go in, he rolled his eyes again and pushed past Davie ready to tell the doctor about his dream.

“JC?” There was surprise question in Dr Halley’s voice as he walked into the room. “What can I do for you?” She placed the book she was reading back down on the desk and swung her legs back down off the table.
“I, um, I think my conscious talked to me last night,” he answered getting right to the point as he sat down in the chair opposite her. Dr Halley looked at him, with an eyebrow raised.
“Really?” she asked and shifted through her drawers for his file. Once she found it she placed it on her desk and opened it, ready to take notes. “And what did it, um, tell you?”
“Well, I had a dream last night,” he began, knowing that would be the best way to explain it to her.
“Okay, and what happened in the dream?” the doctor asked looking at him; he took a deep breath in before continuing.
“It was about when I began drinking,” he replied, “And my mom was in it, asking me if I had a problem.”
“And what did you tell her? In your dream,” Dr Halley asked writing down his response.
“I told her that I felt abandoned by my family and friends,” he told her, and looked at his hands that lay in his lap.
“Why did you feel abandoned by them?” Dr Halley asked not removing her eyes from her paper.
“Well, I um, I guess...well, the tour had just ended and I went back home to see my family but when I got there I felt as if no one cared that I was back, I felt invisible,” he whispered so low that she barely made out what he said.
“Okay, and was it always like that? That you felt invisible at home?” she asked softly looking at him, not wanting him to blow a fuse. He shook his head and looked out the window behind her.
“No,” he answered, “It wasn’t always like that, just that one time. And when I tried to call the guys, they were all busy with their stuff so….” His voice trailed off a he turned to look at her.
“So you began drinking,” she finished for him knowing they weren’t talking about the dream anymore. He nodded and looked at her intensely.
“I just guess, my whole life I’ve never been alone you know? I mean I was either in Mouse Club with all those kids, or with the group, that when I finally was alone I didn’t know how to handle it,” he finished and the doctor nodded in understanding as she wrote something down on her pad.
“Okay,” the doctor nodded and finished writing before looking up. “Do you want to hear what I think? It may not be what you want to hear but do you want to anyway?”
“Yeah,” he replied with a nod, “If you think it’ll help then yeah.”
“Okay then. Well I think that once you became alone like that, for the first time, you started drinking because you didn’t know another way to handle it,” the doctor began, “But it’s okay because most addicts do that, they take solace in something because they think it’ll take the pain or hurt away, and I’m guessing it was the same with you. Am I right?”
He looked at the doctor in shock; she’s hit the nail right on the head. He nodded.
“Yeah, um, pretty much I guess,” he responded and the doctor smiled softly. “I guess I started drinking because I thought it would make me happier.”
“Did it make you feel the same when the feelings about Justin came about?” the doctor asked gently and he sighed.
“No, that was a bit different,” he whispered.
“How so?” she wanted to know, he sighed again and looked at her.
“By that point I was drinking non-stop, it was my way of blocking things out,” he began slowly, “And I just became angrier when I drank, angrier at always being compared to Justin, it felt as if I wasn’t allowed to be myself anymore.”
“So you wanted to prove to the world that you should be allowed to be yourself?” she wanted to know and he nodded.
“Yeah I guess,” he responded with a shrug.
“So the reason for drinking changed?” she asked and he nodded.
“I guess so right?” he replied, “Because at first I was drinking because I thought it’d make me happier and less lonely then I was just drinking to block out my feelings, so I would forget everything.”
“In a way it’s sort of the same JC,” the doctor said looking at him, he looked back at her confused.
“What do you mean?” he asked with a furrowed brow.
“The reason didn’t change, only the situation did. In the first situation you felt lonely and abandoned, where as in the second situation you felt angry and confused. But in both cases you still drank, you drank to get away from both situations, and what made it worse for you was that both situations were laid out close in time,” the doctor explained, he nodded slowly comprehending what she just said.
“So how do I change?” he asked her, “How do I stop my cravings from creeping up on me like they did the last time? I mean, you seem to know get it pretty much so tell me.”
“Well, I’m not sure I get it as much as you say. But I do understand where you’re coming from more now,” she told him as she intertwined her fingers, “So that will help us in the long run as far as your recovery goes.”
“Yes, but how can I recover?” he wanted to know looking at her desperately. She smiled at him and placed a hand on his arm.
“JC, you won’t recover that quickly,” she clarified, “It takes time, time we’re willing to give you here. All you have to do is work with us.” He looked back at her and nodded, understanding what she was saying but there was one small hitch, he wasn’t really sure if they had that time.

Yes time, he didn’t have much of it left, and he knew it. He knew that somewhere along the line something was going to happen that would change his life for good.
He walked into the little room, and had to shield his eyes from the bright light. He took a deep breath in and looked around him, sitting at the long, rectangular table sat Dr Halley, Johnny and two police officers.
“JC,” Dr Halley was the first one to greet him as he sat down next to Johnny, who didn’t even give him a second look.
“Hi doctor,” he replied in a low voice and cast his eyes down ward. “What’s going on?”
“Jayce, this is Officer Tawny and his partner Officer Jaclyn. They’re here to ask you a few questions about the accident,” Johnny said looking at him for the first time now. He noticed Johnny’s eyes laced with fear and wondered what it meant.
“What about the accident?” he asked, looking up at the officers. The male officer looked at him and pulled a small notebook out of his pocket with a small smile.
“Mr Chasez, I’m Officer Tawny,” he began and uncapped his pen. “Can I ask you where you were the night an accident involving a Mr Justin Timberlake occurred?” He looked at the officer then at everyone else, his throat was caught. He didn’t know what to say, because he didn’t know where he was.
“I was…” he began but Johnny cut in front of him.
“JC was out that night,” Johnny replied because it was the truth, but not the whole truth. The female officer raised an eyebrow and leaned forward.
“Mr Chasez is this true?” she asked, he nodded slightly not daring to look her in the eye.
“Yeah,” he whispered and could feel his feet getting cold.
“Mr Chasez, can you tell us the events of that evening as witnessed by yourself?” the male officer asked. He hitched his breath in, and closed his eyes hoping everything would go away.
“No,” he replied, knowing that he would receive glares from both officers, but he had no clue what else to say because he couldn’t remember.
“No?” the female officer repeated and he nodded. “Why not Mr Chasez?”
“Because,” he answered, “Because…”
“Mr Chasez, you do know it is the law that you answer these questions truthfully? Why are you not able to tell us what happened that night?” Officer Tawny interrupted. He opened his eyes and glared at both officers.
“Because I don’t remember okay?” he snapped, he was beginning to get agitated with all the questions and accusations. “I don’t remember what happened that night because I was drunk. Is that what you want to hear? I don’t know what happened to my best friend.”
“Jayce!” Johnny hissed in his ear as the male officer wrote down every word he just said.
“What?” he asked and glared at Johnny, “It’s the truth, and right now they need to know the truth. I don’t need more shit to deal with than I already have.”
“But JC,” Dr Halley interrupted softly, “That was not the best way to go about it.” He looked at the doctor and nodded, he knew she was right. But lying about where he had been? He didn’t need that, he had been lying enough as it was.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap,” he said and looked at the officers. “But it’s the truth, I don’t remember. I know it must sound…”
“Thank you Mr Chasez,” the female officer replied and stood up abruptly. “I think we’ve got all the information we need.” She motioned for her partner to stand as well; he did and placed his notepad back in his pocket.
“Nice meeting you Mr Chasez,” the male officer said with a nod, “We’re sorry if we inconvenienced you but if you can’t remember any events from that night then we can’t question you further. Have a nice day.”
And without another word both officers left, leaving the three remaining occupants in the room to wonder is what had been said was a good thing, or a bad thing.

“Jayce, tell me...” Johnny began looking at him with eyes that he couldn’t read. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall; the craving was creeping back on him.
“I can’t Johnny,” he replied and shook his head from the thought of another drink, “What I told the officers was the truth, I can’t tell them where I was that night because I don’t remember.”
“Are you sure?” Johnny asked, he nodded silently and opened his eyes to look at Johnny. “Because you know they could hold it against you.”
“I know, but I had to tell the truth Johnny,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “And I know that it’s gonna make me sound like an ass that intentionally hurt his friend, and with the evidence of why I’m here…”
‘You’re not only in here because of that JC,” Dr Halley interrupted, “I thought we established that.”
“Yeah we did, but it was the first reason I told you about right? And once they find out I’ll look even guiltier than ever. They won’t care about the other stuff I have to sort out in my head,” he retorted and looked at the doctor, who just sighed in defeat.
“Is that how you feel about it?” Dr Halley asked him softly, “You feel as if they’re right?”
“I’m beginning to yeah,” he nodded and looked down at his shoes. “I can’t remember where I was that night, for all I know…”
“Stop acting so negative Jayce,” Johnny interrupted and stood up. “You even said yourself that you know you couldn’t have done it right?” Johnny walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at his boss and nodded.
“Yeah that’s what I said,” he answered softly, “But I don’t know anymore. I only said it because…”
“Because you guys are brothers, you would never hurt him intentionally,” Johnny finished and he nodded before Johnny turned to the doctor. “What now Doc?”
“I need to work with JC a bit more,” Dr Halley said standing up herself and stretching, “Because he needs to believe in himself again, he has to know he didn’t do it.” He smiled slightly at the doctor’s words as she walked over to the two men.
“But the evidence...” he began and shook his head; the police officers’ visit had really shaken him up.
“That’s not the important thing here JC,” the doctor said looking him right in the eye, “What’s important is that we help you get better, so you can handle this situation better.”

He knew that he had believed that he could never hurt Justin, but now he was beginning to doubt himself. If he could get out of rehab and get drunk, if he could give into his cravings, then what was it to say that he couldn’t have hurt his best friend?
The feelings were all there, he knew they were. The feelings of anger and hurt towards Justin and being in his shadow. He knew Justin hadn’t meant to hurt him, he would never do it intentionally, but he had and he wanted to stop the hurt and anger. Was this is how he did it? By hurting his best friend, instead of talking it out and finding another solution?
He shook his head and sighed heavily, placing his hands in his head. He was confused, too much so. What had really happened that night? And why wouldn’t God let him remember? Was there a reason for all that?
“I couldn’t have, could I?” he grumbled to himself and rubbed his eyes. He sat up slowly and looked out the window at the rain falling outside and shook his head again. “No I couldn’t have.”
“Yes you could.” He groaned and forced himself not to leap up and grab Jake by the throat and strangle the living daylights out of him.
“What the fuck do you want?” he growled, and set his eyes on the falling rain.
“I just wanted to tell you, you could have caused the accident,” Jake replied with sarcasm laced in every word, “And in my opinion you probably did, I wouldn’t put it past you.” He shook his head and tried to ignore Jake, who he realised had anger as well as rudeness embedded in his words.
“I couldn’t have,” he mumbled and ran a hand through his hair. “I would know if I did.”
“Well you were drunk,” Jake answered, “You don’t know what you know.” He snarled and turned around slowly in his chair.
“I know I didn’t cause that accident!” his voice rose as he stood up to his full height and cowered over Jake, as if to reassure himself of his innocence.
“And how do you know that?” Jake countered matching his height and his glare. “Can you magically remember the events of that night?”
“What is it of your business what I know?” he snapped and glared at Jake.
“Because I’m living under the same roof as you,” Jake replied and he snorted with a shake of his head. “And it’s affecting me!”
“Wrong, all you are is some psycho fan who wants to rub his nose in my business where it doesn’t effect you!” he yelled, he’d had enough of Jake and his butting in. “So stay the fuck out of my life like I do yours, got it?” He glowered at Jake and waited for a response. The other man didn’t respond for a while, but soon Jake just nodded angrily and turned on his heel storming out of the room.
“Thank God I got rid of him,” he muttered once Jake had left, and he let himself relax as he slinked back onto the bed. Hopefully he’d gotten rid of Jake for good, because he really didn’t need anymore people nosing around in his life.

“JC, we need to talk this through,” Dr Halley sighed and rubbed her temples. He looked at the doctor and shook his head; he had no clue where to begin.
“I don’t know where to even begin,” he told her, not letting his gaze drop. The doctor sighed and looked up at him; he could tell she hadn’t slept in a few days.
“I know JC,” she smiled weakly and picked up her fallen pen. “Why don’t we start on how things have been going for the past few days? I heard you and Jake Mulley exchanged a few words, is that so?”
“Yeah, I told him to keep his nose out of my life,” he answered and rubbed his hands together, “He’s always nosing around, wanting to know what I’m doing in my life.”
“But JC, maybe it’s not a good thing to be pushing people away?” Dr Halley asked, “You said so yourself, one of the reasons you began drinking was because you felt lonely and invisible. Isn’t pushing people away what your doing to yourself?’
“But he’s an ass,” he protested and the doctor shook her head. “Besides, I already feel alone here. I mean my friends won’t even come see me after the accident, and I’m not allowed to know what’s going on with my best friend let alone see him. Jake is another stress I didn’t need.”
“I understand,” the doctor nodded after awhile of thinking about what he said. “So this situation is making you feel more lonely? Are the cravings coming back?”
“Only when I get agitated,” he admitted and looked at the desk in front of him. “Like after the cops came and after the argument with Jake.”
“But you can control them?” the doctor inquired and he nodded.
“I can, but that’s only if…” he stopped for a moment and tried to figure out how he was going to say what he wanted, “Only if I think about J in the hospital.”
“Why do you think that is?” she asked with a raised eyebrow and he shrugged.
“I don’t know, but every time I think I want to drink I remind myself that maybe my drinking just lost me my best friend,” he answered, the doctor smiled and put down her pen to look at him.
“JC, we don’t know you caused the accident. That’s all speculation remember? Are you beginning to doubt yourself?” The doctor asked and he nodded.
“Yeah,” he replied quietly and looked down at his hands, “I mean if I could give into my cravings and get drunk then…”
“Then we need to come up with a plan to stop you from giving into those cravings, and I don’t think thinking about your friend in hospital is an option,” Dr Halley said with a small smile not wanting him to finish his thought.
“And how will that help?” he asked, “How will it help Justin?”
“It’ll stop another one of these episodes from happening again,” Dr Halley replied calmly and looked up at him. He nodded slowly and looked at her.
“Okay, so what would this plan be then?” he asked rubbing the bridge of his nose to get rid of an itch.
“Well what makes you happy JC?” she asked, and he smiled slightly as he thought of an answer for that.
“My family, the guys, my music,” he listed off the words each with a smile.
“Well then why don’t we pick one of those? What about every time you get a craving think about how it will affect your family and friends?” the doctor asked writing everything down. He nodded and leaned forward.
“Yeah, but it already has effected…” he began and she snapped her head up and shook it at him.
“No, we don’t know that JC,” she sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Okay that’s not going to work. How about you think about how your career will be affected by your drinking?”
“I could do that,” he nodded and began to think. His career was already half affected, if anything had gotten out to the press…
“Alright,” the doctor interrupted his thoughts and smiled at him. “I want you to think about it JC, and let me know next time we meet up okay?”
“Okay,” he answered, with a nod, “Um, the time…”
“I know our time is up,” she nodded glancing at the clock as well and noting their time was up. “I’ll see you in a few days okay? And if there’s anything let me know.” She smiled warmly at him and he stood up slowly with a nod.
“I will doctor thanks,” he said and began heading out the door, already knowing his career was already affected by his decision to drink and the doctor’s plan was not going to work. Not this one anyways.

“Jayce?” Justin’s face was a mixture of shock and confusion as he opened the door. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in...?”
“Yeah, but they allowed e out for one night, they felt I was ready to take on the world!” He yelled throwing his arms up in the air and swirling around like a crazy person. Justin sighed and shook his head at his friend’s antics.
“Okay, um, you wanna come inside?” Justin asked and gestured behind him, he shook his head at Justin.
“Nope, we’re going out. Get your shit and let’s go,” he replied standing there waiting for Justin to do something. Justin sighed with a nod.
“Okay, let me get my jacket and shit then we can go,” Justin answered moving back inside, “Come in and wait for me.” He didn’t move off the step and Justin shook his head.
Justin stepped back grabbing his jacket, keys, wallet and cell phone before stepping out into the cold air next to his friend and slamming his front door shut.
“So where to?” Justin asked, his friend shrugged and ran a hand through his hair.
“Anywhere but here,” he replied, and headed for Justin’s car, with Justin close behind.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking around him as he did so. Where was he? It took him a few minutes to register where he was before the panic set in. His breathing became heavier and his eyes darted around as he tried to think straight. He HAD been there the night of the accident, or else why would he…?
He swung his legs off the bed and hurriedly pulled on a pair of jeans. He had no clue what or where he was going, he just needed to be away from that room. He opened the door and looked around; Davie was no where in sight. He heaved a thankful sigh and headed for Doctor Halley’s office.
At every corner he seemed to look over his shoulder, panicked as if someone was following him. Finally he reached the door that he knew led into the doctor’s office, and with a sigh of relief he pushed it open, not even bothering to knock.
“JC?” the doctor was startled and jumped from her seat, where she had her legs propped up on the table and was looking very relaxed reading a gossip magazine which she skilfully hid under her desk. “What can I do for you?” She seemed to pick herself up and re-tie her hair before grabbing his file from somewhere on her desk and opening it.
“I remembered something from the night of the accident,” he said getting straight to the point and sitting down in front of her. She nodded and grabbed a pen to write with before looking at him again.
“You did? That’s interesting,” she nodded getting straight to work, “What did you remember?”
“I was with Justin that night,” he answered now breaking his gaze from her and looking away.
“What? Are you sure?” she asked as she scribbled what he was saying down. He nodded and she shook her head, “And it wasn’t just a crazy dream? You have been having some doubts lately about your innocence...”
“No, it wasn’t a crazy dream,” he shook his head profusely, “It was real, I FELT it was real.”
“JC, you could just be…” the doctor began and put her pen down to look at him through her glasses. She opened her mouth to finish when the door to her office burst open again.
“There you are? Where the hell have you been? I thought you’d run off again! Doc, I don’t think he fully gets the concept...”
“Davie,” the doctor looked at him with a small smile, “We’re in the middle of a session right now.”
“Sorry doc,” Davie nodded and gave an apologetic smile, “But I went to the bathroom and when I came back he wasn’t in his room, he should have at least waited for me to escort him here.”
“I’m sure he would have,” the doctor nodded, “But this is an important session we’re having. I’ll talk to him about it don’t worry.”
“I won’t,” Davie smiled and glared at him. “I’ll be waiting outside then, call me when you’re done.” The doctor nodded as Davie made his way out and closed the door behind him.
“People seem to like entering my office without knocking,” the doctor said with a small amused smile after Davie had left. “It seems to be a new hobby around here.” She chuckled to herself before continuing. “Sorry, where were we? Ah yes, you just told me that you remember being with Justin on the night of the accident?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, noticing her go back into doctor mode, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was on his porch steps and it was cold.”
“But how do you know it was not just a dream?” the doctor asked as she resumed writing. He smiled at her and shook his head.
“Because, I was drunk and he seemed confused as to why I was there and not here,” he replied slowly and looked down at his hands.
“Okay,” the doctor nodded wondering how to continue. “Let’s say this did happen, what happened after that?” He looked at her and sighed, before closing his eyes.
“I don’t remember,” he responded with another sigh. “I can’t fucking remember.”
“JC, language,” the doctor warned and he blushed.
“Sorry,” he said and opened his eyes.
“That’s okay,” she smiled at him and continued writing, “So what did Justin tell you?”
“He asked what I was doing at his place,” he mumbled, as he felt tears forming in his throat, “And in response I acted like a drunken idiot and insisted he come out with me.”
“And did he?” the doctor asked with a raised eyebrow, he nodded sadly.
“Yeah, he agreed to come with me,” he replied, “And I’m sure I wouldn’t have left until he did.”

He wasn’t quite sure of what he was supposed to say, but he guessed it was something along the lines of ‘okay I admit it I was there’. But he couldn’t say it, because he wasn’t really sure where he was, all he knew was that he’d been with Justin sometime before the accident.
“Mr Chasez, please cooperate with us,” the female officer, Jaclyn, said crossing her arms over her chest. He sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“I am,” he told her and shook his head, “I’m telling you the truth.”
“Are you sure Mr Chasez?” she asked leaned forward and glaring at him. He looked at her and scowled.
“Of course I’m sure,” he snapped and leaned back on his chair. “I told you everything I know, so back off.”
“Then how does that explain you being at the scene of the crime?” The officer countered and he shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he hissed, “Like I said before I can’t remember shit from that night.”
“Well Mr Chasez,” Officer Jaclyn said standing up and collecting her things. “I’m afraid you’ll have to come up with a better reason than that. Unfortunately I can not arrest you seeing as we have no concrete proof of your where a bout on the night of the accident and that you are in a health care facility, but be warned you are on the top of our list of suspects.”
“Like I didn’t already know,” he snorted and rolled his eyes at her. She nodded meekly and gave him a firm smile.
“Good day Mr Chasez,” she snapped and exited the room, with the door closing gently behind her. As soon as she left he felt himself release the breath he’d been holding for a while now and closed his eyes.
“That was not good JC.” He pried his eyes open and slowly turned around as he saw the doctor entering the small room. He sighed and nodded, placing his head in his hands.
“I know,” he agreed, “But what could I say? If I told her what I remembered then she’d definitely arrest me.”
“I know,” the doctor said walking up to him and resting a hand on his shoulder, “But lying? JC that’s not the way to go about it. You could have at least told her that you were working on it, or asked her to speak to me.” He looked up at the doctor and shook his head, this wasn’t working.
“That wouldn’t help any,” he stated and stood up, “She already told me I’m one of their main suspects the only reason they’re not arresting me is because I’m here and they don’t have enough solid evidence.”
“And your attitude JC? You need to work on that, I’m not surprised she was as cold as she was,” the doctor acknowledged with a sigh.
“I know, but she was just agitating me with all those questions!” he responded and began pacing up and down the room before stopping a few minutes later.
“Well you can’t let her get to you like that JC,” the doctor frowned and watched him from where she was standing. “Because it could get out of hand.”
“Yeah I know,” he nodded and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. “I just got annoyed that’s all.”
“That’s understandable JC,” she said and sat down on the nearest chair, “But please try and be polite next time they come?” He snapped his eyes open and looked at the doctor.
“Even if they want to arrest me?” he asked in shock and she nodded.
“Yes JC,” she answered with a nod. “Even if they want to arrest you.”

“What happened Johnny?” he asked as he sat opposite his boss, who sighed and shook his head. “You look as if something is bothering you.”
“It’s Justin,” Johnny began and he sat up straight in his chair and he leant forward.
“J? What happened is he okay?” he asked with heightened tension in his neck. Johnny shook his head and looked away.
“No Jayce he’s not,” Johnny replied and he could see the tears glistening Johnny’s eyes. “He entered critical condition last night. The doctors thought he was doing better but apparently they were wrong.”
“Wrong? How can they be wrong? They’re the best out there,” he pointed out and Johnny nodded.
“Yeah but even the best can be wrong Jayce,” he whispered and began again. “Justin’s body has entered what they call an induced sleep. They don’t know when he’ll wake up, he had a seizure early this morning due to all the meds they had him on.”
“So what? He’ll never wake up?” he asked, his heart beat racing at the thought of his friend and that he could have caused that.
“He could,” Johnny stated slowly, “But even if he does he’ll probably be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”
“Oh God,” he said and held his hand over his heart to stop the pain that was forming there. He closed his eyes and took in deep breaths.
“Jayce? Are you okay?” Johnny’s voice came from far away. He nodded slowly and took a few more breaths.
“I could have caused that Johnny,” he whispered and finally opened his eyes, “Me. I could have made him like that.” Johnny shook his head.
“No Jayce, it was the meds he was on,” Johnny explained again, “Besides you weren’t there remember?”
“Yeah but Johnny,” he paused and hoped Johnny would understand the next words that came out of his mouth. “I remember being with J the night of the accident.”
“You what?” Johnny asked him in shock. He looked down at his shoes and nodded softly.
“I had a dream about it a few nights back...” he muttered, refusing to look at Johnny who inhaled deeply.
“Okay Jayce, we’ll figure out how to deal with this. Did you tell the cops?” Johnny asked, he shook his head in silence. What could he have said to the cops without being arrested?
“No,” he answered and finally grew the courage to look at his boss. “Johnny, if I had told them then it would definitely send me to jail.”
“But Jayce,” Johnny began looking at him, “If they found out you were lying…”
“I know what will happen,” he assured Johnny, “And I’ll tell them, but only when the time is right.” But he wasn’t too sure of when that was.

“Okay Jayce, one last drink then we gotta go,” Justin told him as he downed his last beer and ordered another, “I gotta get up early tomorrow to kick off my tour.”
“Yeah yeah,” he grumbled and greedily drank the remainder of his own drink as another was placed in front of him. “Just have fun J, tonight’s your last night of freedom before you’re drowned into work and more work!”
He heard Justin chuckle slightly at his comment, but thought nothing of it as he pulled the new drink to his lips and began gulping it down in large amounts.
“Whoa Jayce slow it down dude,” Justin said placing a hand on his arm, he roughly pulled away from his friend and glared at him.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped softly and Justin sighed running a hand over his shaven head.
“I just don’t think you should be drinking if that’s what you’re trying to fight,” Justin replied and looked at him, “Where are you staying tonight Jayce? You going back to the center? You know you can’t go back there drunk.”
“I dunno,” he shrugged and slugged on more of his beer, “Suppose I’ll just crash at some cheap ass motel or some shit.” Justin sighed at his friends words and shook his head.
“No you won’t,” Justin told him and finished off his own beer before standing up and stretching, “You’ll crash at my place tonight ok? And tomorrow before I head out I’ll drive you back to the center.” Justin then noticed how his friend’s eyes went as big as saucers and he looked away from him. “You didn’t tell them you left did you?”
“Not exactly no,” he replied and finished off his drink, standing up next to Justin. “Can we go?”
“Oh my God Jayce, I can’t believe you let me believe…” Justin began but his voice trailed off as his friend stalked out in front of him. “Jayce, you gotta go back like NOW.”
“And say what J?” he spun around to face Justin; there was anger in his eyes, “Tell them I felt like a drink so I skipped rehab? I don’t think that’ll go down too well.”
“We can make up a story Jayce,” Justin pleaded as he turned around and continued walking out, “We can tell them you just wanted to see me or something. Just please listen to me, you need to get back there and get better. I’m not asking you for me or anyone else but for yourself.”
“Fine,” he sighed as he stopped in the doorway, slumping his shoulders in defeat, “We’ll go back, to hell with what they’ll do to me, and I’ll go back if it’s what you want.”
“It is Jayce,” Justin nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, “And it’s what you want too.”

He woke up with sweat running down his back and took in deep breaths. He wondered why it was now that he was remembering everything, now after it was too late. He tried to go back to sleep but the images refused to leave, flooding his mind even more.
He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stood up and didn’t even bother to stretch as he took long strides to the door and swung it open.
“Davie?” he snapped, waking the other man from an induced sleep. “Get up; we’re going to see the doc.”
“What?” Davie asked, rubbing his eyes confused at what was going on. He nodded and not waiting for Davie to reply he strode down the hall, taking quick steps as he did so.
He didn’t get that far however, when a familiar figure stepped out into the hallway. He groaned as he forced himself to a stop, almost causing Davie to bump into him.
“What do you want?” he asked running a hand through his hair hoping this wouldn’t take long. Jake grinned slyly and said nothing, as Davie complained about being woken up early in the morning. “Well are you going to say something or what?”
Jake rolled his eyes and still stood there watching him. He sighed and shook his head, and pushed past Jake seeing as he had somewhere he wanted to be.
“Wait!” He spun around and faced Jake, nearly hitting Davie in the face as he did so. Davie protested but he was ignored as he focused his attention on Jake.
“What?” he asked with a snarl and Jake grinned.
“I wanted to apologize you know,” Jake said with a gesture of his hands, “For being nosy and all that.”
“Yeah well…” he shrugged, not knowing what to say and looked at the clock that was situated on the wall. “I have to go.” Jake nodded and both men turned to go separate directions, before Jake spoke again.
“Besides I figured this will make us even, especially after that night,” Jake spoke and he stopped in his tracks, turning around slowly wondering what he was talking about.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he hissed and glared at Jake. Jake turned around as well and shrugged. “What night?”
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten what happened a few months back?” Jake asked with a gleam in his eyes. “We were both drinking and…”
“I don’t remember much from any of the nights I was drunk,” he retorted with a roll of his eyes. “So if it was something important…”
“Oh it was very important, and that woman…” Jake began but he held up his hand to silence him. He didn’t want to hear any more of Jake’s crazy insane ideas.
“I don’t care. I have to go see the doc, so if you’re done..” he began but Jake cut him off.
“What so you no longer have time for me now? After everything we went through that night?” Jake asked and he looked at him with curiosity.
“What are you talking about? What night? And what did we go through?” he questioned confused. Jake laughed coyly and shook his head.
“Never mind, you’ll figure it out seeing as your memory seems to be jogged quite easily these days. And when you do remember, then we can talk,” Jake stated and then without another word he disappeared into one of the many doors that lined the hallway.

“So JC,” the doctor’s voice was calm as he sat opposite her and looked at his feet. “I’m glad you remember more from that night.”
He nodded slowly and took a deep breath in, he wished he hadn’t remembered.
“I wish I hadn’t remembered it,” he whispered barely audible.
“Why is that JC?” Dr Halley asked, he looked up at her finally and shrugged.
“Because it’s just more evidence to prove I was with J at the time of the accident, and to prove I am guilty,” he told her with a hint of sadness to his voice.
“But JC, we can’t assume that’s what happened. Maybe you and Justin left the bar, Justin suggested you go to your parents’ house instead and he dropped you there then the accident happened. You yourself said he’d been drinking as well,” the doctor reasoned.
“Yeah but why would he drop me off at my parents? And whose to say he was driving?” he asked looking intensely at the doctor.
“Maybe you both were afraid of what might happen if you came here,” Dr Halley suggested and he shrugged. “And I’m just suggesting that maybe he was the one driving.”
“I guess,” he shrugged, not wanting to believe it. “But I still don’t believe it.” Dr Halley smiled at him sympathetically and placed a hand on his.
“I know it is JC,” she smiled and he looked up at her slowly, “But what else is there to believe?”

The doctor was right, what else was there to believe? But if Justin was driving, that would mean he wouldn’t be the one responsible for the accident. Well not physically, but deeper than that he knew that it was not true. He knew, if the dreams were real, that he had been the one to drag Justin out and Justin had only agreed because he was a good friend and didn’t want him to do something stupid. But he did do something stupid, and now his best friend was lying half dead in a hospital bed.
He sat up and took a deep breath in. The doctor couldn’t have been right, how could he believe that the accident was Justin’s fault. He rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had to figure out what really happened that day, or else it would kill him.
“Hey you ready yet?” Davie poked his head to the door and he grunted.
“Why?” he asked angrily and swung his legs over the bed, stopping as blood rushed too quickly to his head.
“You have a visitor,” Davie grinned and moved forward, “Now move it, you don’t wanna keep them waiting now do you?” He scratched his head and looked at Davie.
“Who’s here?’ he asked, mentally running through his mind, trying to figure out if anyone was scheduled to come see him today. Davie grinned and pulled him up by the elbow.
“A few of your friends,” Davie confirmed. “Now hurry up and get ready.”

He stumbled into the room and scratched his chin, the room was bright and he had to squint to see who was around.
“Hey Jayce,” Chris said sitting at the far side of the room; he let a small smile form on his lips. “How are things going in here?”
“They’re ok,” he nodded and noticed Joey and Lance sitting near Chris as well, “Hey guys.”
“Hey Jayce,” Lance nodded, but he noticed his friend didn’t make eye contact with him.
“Hey dude,” Joey said with a somewhat smaller smile than usual.
“What’s up guys?” he asked trying to suppress a yawn and sitting down at the table, “Have you guys seen J? How is he?”
“Uh, that’s why we’re here Jayce,” Chris replied looking down at his shoes, also avoiding eye contact. He looked around the room, and the looks on his friend’s faces made his heart drop so fast and made his heart beat stop.
“What about him?” he asked, his voice was shaky and he ran a hand through his hair, telling himself to calm down.
“Uh…” Lance cut in, Joey cast his eyes away and Chris played nervously with the end of his shirt. “He…”
“He what? Please guys you’re killing me here,” he pleaded looking at each of them.
“Jayce…” Joey began and looked at him, “We thought we should be the first to tell you…”
“Tell me what?” he interrupted with agitation.
“Jayce,” Chris took over and looked at him, “J passed away last night.” It was right then and there his heart stopped beating, and a part of him disappeared as well.

“Jayce? Jayce? Talk to us Jayce.” He could hear the voices but couldn’t process them. His vision was blurry and his head spun. He took in deep breaths and placed his head between his knees.
“This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” he mumbled and shook his head. “How can this happen?”
“The doctors said there were some internal injuries they hadn’t detected,” Lance’s voice said and patted him on the back.
“How can they not detect them?” he asked and slowly looked up to his three friends, “They’re doctors for fuck’s sake! Oh God, what have I done!” He placed his head in his hands and shook his head.
“Jayce it’s not your fault,” Joey sympathized, he looked at his friend.
“But if I hadn’t forced him out… none of this would have happened,” he said and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.
“But no one has proven the accident was your fault,” Lance assured him, “its all speculation remember.” He looked at Lance and took a deep breath in; he had to tell them about the dreams.
“No it’s not,” the whispered and looked away as his friend’s glanced at him with confusion, “I was with J the night of the accident.”
“No you weren’t, you said you weren’t,” Chris argued, “You told me you weren’t.”
“That was before… before the dream,” he muttered and shook his head again.
“Dream? What dream?” Lance asked confused, he sighed and closed his eyes.
“I had a dream that I had gone to J’s house and forced him to come out and get drunk with me,” he said, he felt so ashamed telling his friends this as they all stared at him, “Then after he realized I had lied to him then he begged, pleaded with me to go back to the center and I agreed for him to take me back reluctantly. This is my entire fault.” He placed his head back in his hands and groaned, waiting for the guys to run him through.
“Jayce, can you remember anything after that?” Lance asked and he shook his head.
“No,” he whispered, “But I know it was my fault.”
“Stop saying that, you don’t know it’s true,” Joey snapped and he looked at Joey.
“But…” he began but Lance cut him off.
“No buts Jayce, it was an accident you can’t blame anyone,” Lance pointed out.
“But what if…” he started.
“What if what Jayce? It doesn’t matter who was driving, if it was you or J because you both had a few drinks in you, the accident would have happened. Right guys?” Lance asked and Joey nodded, “C?” Everyone in the room turned to look at Chris who had slouched down further in his chair.
“I can’t believe you did that Jayce. You force J to…” Chris began slowly and cut himself off.
“He didn’t force J to do anything,” Lance snapped at Chris, “J made the decision himself.”
“Yeah after Jayce lied to him!” Chris snapped angrily and sat up straight to glare at Lance then him. “You lied to J for your own selfish reasons, and now he’s dead! Because you couldn’t stay away from booze, because you’re weak!”
“I…” he began and Lance cut through glaring at Chris.
“Shut up C! Stop pointing fingers! We swore we wouldn’t do that didn’t we? But here you are doing it! And J should have had the sense to see that he was drunk and stop him right then and there but he didn’t did he? No, J allowed him to go out and get even more drunk while he watched!” Lance yelled, Chris glared at Lance and stood up slowly.
“No, he was watching out for him!” Chris screamed back.
“Really? Is that what you call it these days?” Lance yelled back, standing up as well. Joey frowned and stood up waving the two apart as their noses were nearly touching.
“Okay guys shut up! Stop screaming at each other!” Joey bellowed and looked at the two before turning to him. “You okay Jayce?” He had retreated so far back into his chair, listening to his friends argue and blame him and Justin for the accident that he felt his whole world crumbling around him. “Jayce? Shit, someone go get that doc.”
“I’ll go,” Lance mumbled and headed out the door. Once he was gone Joey turned to Chris.
“Nice move asshole,” he snapped, “Say you’re sorry.” Chris just looked at him in shock, not knowing what to say. “C, come on, apologize.”
“I’m sorry Jayce,” Chris gave in and waited for him to respond, “I shouldn’t have…”
“It’s all my fault,” he mumbled and put his head back in his hands, fighting back the tears.
“No Jayce, stop saying that,” Joey said squatting down in front of him and placing his hands on his shoulders.
“But C is right Joe,” he wailed and shook Joey’s hand’s off his shoulders. “I lied to J for my own selfishness and now he’s dead. I lied to my best friend just because I wanted a drink.”

Chris had driven home a bullet in his chest, and he couldn’t remove it because he knew it was the truth. He had caused Justin’s death by not being able to control his craving for one more drink.
He wanted to be woken up from this nightmare, and be told it was all just a horrible dream. But every time he would open his eyes he would be faced with it as a reality.
“JC?” Dr Halley cut through his thoughts gently, bringing his mind back to the present situation. “I know this is not what you want to talk about, what with the recent news, but it’s important.” He sighed and shifted in his seat so he was sitting higher up and nodded.
“I know,” he said softly and creaked his neck, “It’s just that…”
“Would you rather discuss that?” Dr Halley asked with sincerity. He paused for a moment and looked at her, to see if she meant what she said.
“If it’s alright,” he responded and the doctor smiled.
“Of course it is,” she said and looked at him, “What’s on your mind?”
“I was just thinking about what Chris said to me earlier, and he was right,” he sighed and closed his eyes, letting his body fall further into the seat.
“Why do you say that?” the doctor asked placing her hands face down to the table. He opened his eyes and looked at her before saying anything.
“Because it’s true. I lied to J, just because I wanted a drink and I didn’t care how I got it,” he began and the doctor gently cut him off.
“But couldn’t it be interpreted as you wanting to see Justin and using the drinking as an excuse?” she questioned, “Maybe, because this had all taken place after you guys had that heart-to-heart, you found it hard to give Justin a good reason for wanting to just hang out. Maybe you thought that if you asked him to come to the center and hang out he would freak out on you?”
“I guess,” he said confused and rubbing his chin, “But it was the guys who wanted me to come here, so I don’t think he would freak out on me.”
“I suppose you’re right. But what I am asking you is the question of why you went to Justin’s house and not any body else’s. Why did you pick Justin that night? Was it because you were lonely?” the doctor wanted to know. He sighed and shook his head.
“I was really lonely when I first came here, and I guess I did feel closer to J after our heart-to-heart,” he agreed, “So maybe yeah. I went to him because I needed to be around my best friend. But that wouldn’t explain why I went there drunk and lied to him.”
“Maybe you were nervous?” Dr Halley suggested with a raised eyebrow, “Maybe you were afraid that he would reject your request to go out, and playing that consequence in your head, the consequence of rejection and loneliness, made you drink as much as you could without realizing it.”
“So I lied to him when I was drunk so that he wouldn’t reject me?” he questioned and the doctor smiled softly with a nod.
“Maybe so,” she agreed and wrote something down on a piece of note paper before tearing it off and handing it to him. “This is what I’d like you to do for me before we meet again.”
“What is it?” he asked looking at the paper not really reading the words, then back up at her.
“It’s an exercise I get most of the patients here to do. I want you to try and remember that dream again and write it down. Once you’ve done that, try and come up with all the possible explanations for your actions that night. Maybe we can then find out why you did what you did,” she explained with a smile and closed her file.
“O-Okay,” he said in a shaky voice, unsure if he could remember everything, “What if I can’t remember everything?”
“Try and see what you can remember,” she responded and he nodded as they both stood up. “So I’ll see you tomorrow okay after group?”
“Yeah okay,” he smiled and looked at her, “I’ll try not to come before then.”
“JC, you are welcome to come any time, but we do schedule meetings for a reason,” she replied and lead him to the door, “But my door is always open. Remember that.”
“Okay I will,” he nodded and walked out the door. “Thanks doctor.”
“No problem JC,” she replied before closing the door, he sighed and leant against the wall, wondering how and if he would be able to remember the events from that night.

“Panicking again are we?” He could hear the smirk in the words as he groaned and opened up his eyes to see Jake standing in front of him.
“Yeah we are,” he said without any sarcasm at all, “My best friend just died because of me. What do you want?” Jake smirked and stood beside him, leaning against the wall himself and rolling back and forth on his heels.
“I thought you might like to know more about that night a few months back, since you forgot and all,” Jake said and eyed him. He shrugged and closed his eyes again, allowing his head to fall back and gently hit the wall.
“Yeah well right now all I want to remember is what happened to get my friend dead,” he grumbled and Jake sighed.
“I’m only trying to help,” Jake retorted and pushed himself off the wall. “Besides it’s important.” He opened his eyes and looked at Jake, not believing him.
“If it’s important why did you take this long to tell me that we knew each other out of rehab?” he asked pointedly. Jake faced him and ran a hand over his face.
“I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t want to know…” Jake began but cut himself off with a shake of the head.
“What? Finish now that you’ve begun,” he snapped and Jake shook his head, turning to leave.
“Nah never mind,” he said with a sly smile, “I’ll tell you later. Besides it divulges a few things I’m sure you’re not ready to know about yourself yet.” He shook his head at Jake and pushed himself off the wall.
“Well nice to know you just wasted a good fifteen minutes of my time,” he retorted rolling his eyes, “I’ll talk to you later.” He shoved past Jake and strode down the hall back to his room where Davie would be waiting for him, and as he did so he refused to admit that he was getting a bit curious as to what Jake’s real story was.

He groaned and rubbed his face as he stared down at the paper. He had finally managed to remember the dream, but the stack of papers around him had accumulated so much so around him, with so many explanations for that night. And the one that stuck out like a sore thumb was the only one that he had been told so many times over again.
He had lied to his best friend because he was afraid, afraid of being rejected. So in the process he’d gotten more drunk than he could remember ever getting. He had had enough of the thoughts running through his head; he had been through it so many times he was beginning to get annoyed with it.
He sighed ad pushed away the papers, and slowly stood up. He stretched and rubbed the back of his neck, and walked to the window. He frowned, seeing the sun so bright and flipped the blinds closed before yawning and taking a step back.
He knew he had to go and talk to the doctor, but he was scared, scared to admit that everything was his fault. So instead he holed himself into his room, and just thought. Thought about his best friend and the loss he had given to everyone.
He had helped Lynn loose a son, he had taken away a brother to his friends, he’d taken away a hero from millions of people, and he’s taken away a best friend from himself.
He sighed, closed his eyes and took as many steps back as he could until the back of his knees hit the bed and caused him to fall backwards. He let his body fall back on the bed and allowed his head to hit the pillow. He needed to rest; he felt worn out and tired. He frowned and placed his arms above his head, allowing his body to shut down, and for him to fall into a deep sleep.

“J wake up.” He shook his friend one last time and frowned when there was no movement. “J, come on man this is no longer funny.” He could feel his chest tightening up inside of him, and didn’t like the feeling as he looked around him. He closed his eyes and prayed that this was all a bad dream that he would snap out of, either that or his friend would wake up and tell him he’d been Punk’d.
“J, come on dude,” he pleaded in a shaky voice and tried again to wake him up. He pulled his hands away and noticed the red stain on his hands. He looked down at his friend and saw a trickle of red liquid flowing out gently from behind his head. “Oh God no. J come on you gotta wake up.” He shook his friend even more violently the next time, but stopped abruptly and a wailing sound over took his ear drums.
“What the fuck?” he questioned and let go of his friend to cover his ears, he looked up and saw the twinkle of red and blue lights ahead of him. “Oh shit.”

He sat up right, bolted awake by the images of red and blue lights flashing through his mind. He rubbed his eyes and looked around him a few times to make sure he was where he thought he was. Then he took a deep breath in.
“Glad you’re awake,” Davie’s voice came from the doorway where he stood, “Get out of bed let’s go.” He looked to his left and eyed Davie suspiciously.
“Go? Where?” he asked, Davie sighed and rolled his eyes, taking one more step into the room.
“To the meeting room, the cops are here to talk to ya,” Davie said and reached for his elbow. He nudged Davie away and sat up, swinging his legs over the bed and standing up.
“Again?” he asked, although he wasn’t surprised. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that something more was up.
“Yes again,” Davie chuckled and motioned for him to move to the bathroom. “Now let’s go.”

He could feel five pairs of eyes on him as he entered the room, and his stomach felt as if it was going to come out his mouth. He took a breath in, and plastered a fake smile on his face.
“JC,” the doctor said from next to one of the officers, “Have a seat.” He felt his smile falter and nodded, pulling out the chair next to Johnny and sitting down in it.
“Jayce,” Johnny began, placing a hand on his shoulder, “This is Officer Jaclyn you remember her right? And our lawyer Jack Davenport. Uh, the officer wanted to ask you some things.” He nodded at the officer and the lawyer.
“Hi,” he said and cast his gaze across the room to where his father sat, this did not look good. “So, uh, what did you want to ask me?”
“Mr Chasez,” Officer Jaclyn smiled wryly as she looked at him with distain, “I’m sure you are aware of the passing of Mr Timberlake?”
“Uh, yeah the guys told me about it,” he answered nervously and licked his lips, “What about it?”
“Well as you are aware you are one of the key suspects…” the officer began but was cut off by both the lawyer and his father.
“Jack, can you please…” his father began and looked at him, “It was never proven that Josh…”
“Right, sorry Mr Chasez. Officer isn’t this all speculation?” the lawyer asked looking at the officer. Officer Jaclyn sighed and glared at the lawyer.
“You’re right Jack it was. But as you are well aware, now that Mr Timberlake has passed, therefore your client can well aware be arrested for murder once all the documents are in place,” the officer told him, not letting her eyes falter.
“Murder?” he whispered and could feel his heart begin to pound in his chest.
“But he is in a government facility, you cannot arrest him,” Dr Halley put-in, “Right Jack?”
“That is correct Doctor. Officer, you cannot arrest this man for murder without any solid evidence linking him to the crime,” the lawyer confirmed and the officer rolled her eyes.
“I am well aware of that Jack. But unfortunately, your client was seen leaving the crime scene as soon as our officers arrived on the scene,” Officer Jaclyn said staring at him with distaste.
“But that’s all speculation!” his father called, standing up from his chair, “My son was with me that night. Right Josh?”
“Mr Chasez, there is no point lying to anyone to try and protect him,” the officer stated calmly.
“He’s not lying, Jayce was with him that night,” Johnny confirmed and the officer sighed.
“If he was then how do you explain why our officers saw him running from the scene?” the officer questioned and his father shrugged.
“I don’t know, all I know is that Josh was with me and my wife that night,” Roy confirmed with a nod. He sighed and leaned his head back, his father was trying to protect him yes, but he wasn’t doing such a good job of it.
“I was with my parents officer,” he said and opened his eyes to look at her as his father who gave a triumphant smile, “But like I said before I don’t remember what happened that night, only that I woke up at my parents’ house the next day.”
“And is that the story you are sticking to Mr Chasez?” the officer asked, he nodded and glanced around the room at everybody’s fallen faces.
“Yeah it is,” he whispered. The officer nodded and stood up.
“Good,” she said straightening out her jacket. She looked up and didn’t offer him a smile as she headed for the door. She reached it and turned to face him, “But remember Mr Chasez, I’ll be back later with my partner, and we will put you under arrest for the murder of Justin Timberlake.” And without looking at anyone else in the room, Officer Jaclyn walked out. He felt his heart drop as soon as the door shut behind her.

“They can’t arrest you Jayce,” Lance told him, trying to calm him down. He shook his head and took in a deep breath before looking at his friend.
“Yeah they can Lance,” he nodded and placed his head in his hands. “I was there the night it happened, and I was seen leaving the scene.”
“But Jayce…” Lance continued but he cut him off.
“No Lance. No buts, I’m one of their key suspects, and now that J is dead they’re coming back later on to arrest me,” he said and there was a short silence in the room as the four men stared at one another.
“What can we do to stop it?” Chris asked after a while and he shrugged.
“Nothing,” he said, “We can’t do anything. Unless we by some miracle come up with solid proof that I wasn’t there, which is highly unlikely.”
“But what exactly did you tell the cops? I mean if you explain to them…” Joey tried; he shook his head and stood up, before pacing the room.
“No, I haven’t told them anything and I’d like to keep it that way,” he stated and looked at his friends, “I’m serious.”
“Why not?” Lance questioned with a furrowed brow, “What does the doc think of all this?”
“She thinks it’d be best to keep what I remember under wraps,” he answered, “I don’t need them having any more ammunition to throw my way.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chris nodded and looked at him, “But I mean there must be something…”
“No there isn’t,” he replied, “I’ve already told you guys that.”
“There’s always something,” Joey tried and stood up to face him, “We can say that yes you were there, but you ran off to find help.”
“But help was already coming,” Lance pointed out, “That would look even more suspicious.”
“Lance is right Joe,” Chris sighed and rubbed his temples to think. “Okay, here’s what we’ll tell them…”
“No,” he snapped and looked around the room, “Just no guys. I don’t need to tell them any more lies alright? I’ve told them enough, one more will not help me.”
“Yes it could,” Joey protested and he sighed and sat back down, “It could help you Jayce.”
“How Joe? How could it help me?” he asked looking at Joey sternly, “By telling them that I’m denying I was there?” The room fell silent and he shook his head with a sigh. “I was there guys alright? And there’s no lie in the world that can deny that truth.”

“Come on man let’s go.” He felt someone tug at his sleeve and he looked behind him to see a face that seemed somewhat familiar. He frowned and shook his head, signalling he wasn’t ready to go.
“Not yet,” he grumbled and turned his attention back to the woman in front of him. She smiled and let her long legs drape over the side of his legs before reaching behind her and revealing a small casket of white powder.
“Man, come on now,” the stranger instructed and tugged at his sleeve once more causing the woman to glare angrily behind him.
“He’s not ready to go yet,” she told the man and turned her attention back to him. She leant forward so that her lips were touching his ear and her breasts draped smoothly towards his chest. “You want to stay here with me don’t you?”
“Huh uh,” he nodded and allowed himself to take in her scent of fresh berries. He smiled as her lips traced down his jaw line and he played with a strand of her honey blonde hair.
“No,” the stranger reaffirmed and this time had come up so he was standing behind the woman and pushed her off him. “We have to go now, the cops are coming.”
He groaned inwardly and reached forward to pull the woman back to him, but the stranger held her back.
“Just a few more…” he began but the stranger shook his head and with his free hand pulled him up.
“No Jayce,” he stated, “We gotta get out of here, now.”

He woke up and rubbed his forehead roughly, trying to place the dream. When had it happened and where? And why was he all of a sudden getting these dreams that had nothing to do with Justin? He sighed and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Jake. That was the only answer or explanation. Jake was making him curious as to what their connection with each other was; he had to talk to him.
He stood up and hurried over to the door where he flung it open and looked around. Davie was yet again no where to be found, and placing a smile on his face and giving himself a slight nod he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him before heading to the reception to ask which room Jake was in.
He walked quickly and quietly, not missing the opportunity to glance into the open doors of rooms that he passed in case Jake may be lurking inside them. Before he knew it he had reached the reception and was standing in front of an older woman with greying hair.
“Yes?” she asked looking up and snapping him out of what ever thoughts had decided to consume him. “Can I help you?”
“Uh, hey,” he nodded and put on his usual charm, as he placed his elbows on the desk and leaned forward, “Uh, can you tell me where Jake is staying?”
“Jake?” the lady asked and raised an eyebrow, “As in Jake Mulley?” He nodded and smiled at her before speaking.
“Yup, the one and only,” he grinned and batted his eyes for good measure. The woman sighed and took her glasses off, placing them in front of her and shaking her head at him.
“You should be in your room Mr…” she searched for his name before continuing.
“Chasez,” he supplied and stood back up, “And yes I should be, but…”
“It’s past eleven and you know the rules,” she cut him off with a small apologetic smile, “But if you come back tomorrow during regular hours, I can suffice you with the information you need. Right now however, I do not wish to help you engage in another argument with Mr Mulley.”
“You heard about that?” he questioned raising an eyebrow and she nodded, “Shit.”
“Yes, your encounters are becoming quite the gossip around here,” she smiled and reached for the computer mouse.
“Well sorry about that,” he replied not knowing what to say and wondering how he would get her to give him what he wanted. “I won’t let it happen again, but couldn’t you just give me the room number? I promise not to use it until tomorrow.” He grinned one more time at her, allowing his teeth to show this time. She sighed and turned off her computer before turning to face him.
“Oh all right,” she sighed and reached for the log book and opening it up to search for the number. There was a minute or two of silence before she looked back up at him. “Room number 145.”
“Thank you Miss…” he looked at her name tag before continuing, “Miss Susan Myers, isn’t that a TV character?”
“Actually it’s Susanna Meyers,” she said and closed the book before reaching for her bag, “They mis-spelt it on the name tag and I didn’t want to bother security with it.”
“Well you should,” he smiled and began to walk away, “Because it could one day cause you some fair bit of trouble, and trouble is something you don’t want in your life. Trust me.”

He walked quietly and unheard down the corridor until he reached room 145 and knocked hard on the door.
“What?” the voice from inside growled and he smiled, at least they had one thing in common. He shrugged and pushed the door open, but not before he was met with protest. “I didn’t say you could come in.”
“No but you’re here right?” he challenged and took a step into the room not bothering to look around, he kept his eyes trained on Jake, “Who is the honey blonde woman?”
“Oh, had another memory burst did we?” Jake asked as he sat up on his bed, looking at him with curiosity. He snarled and nodded.
“Who is she?” he asked again and took another step forward, “And why were we in a bar with you?”
“I’m glad you FINALLY remembered,” Jake grinned and swung his bony legs over the side of the bed before standing up. “Well since you asked so politely, her name is Destiny, and she was my wife.”
“What?” he asked, feeling his mouth go numb at this new information.
“She was my wife,” Jake repeated and looked at him as if he were dumb.
“Shit,” he grumbled under his breath and Jake looked at him, catching it.
“Yeah shit. You remember what happened that night don’t you?” Jake questioned and he shook his head viscously.
“No I don’t,” he said and wiped the sweat off his hands by rubbing his pants, “I just asked you if you knew a woman that I dreamt about, I had a feeling you might know.”
“And I do,” Jake nodded and took a step closer to him, “Like I said, she was my wife.”
“Yeah but like I said, I had a feeling I’m not even sure it was you in the bar with me that night,” he back-tracked and Jake looked at him with steely eyes.
“Then why did you come here if you were so uncertain?” he questioned and he shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he replied and tried to walk away but Jake grabbed his arm.
“Yes you do,” Jake said and glared at him, “Because you remember. You remember leaving that bar with my wife and not even thanking me.”
“What?” he questioned , now he was really confused and scared at the same time. “All I remember is that I was in a bar with a woman and with someone who resembled you a lot. That’s it, I don’t remember going home with your so called wife.”
“Oh really?” Jake asked, his voice had a snaky tone to it, “Because that’s not how I remember it.”
“Well then I think we’re thinking of two very different situations,” he repeated evenly and shook Jake off him, “I need to get back to my room before Davie catches on.”
“You know after I asked you to leave?” Jake called after him as he began to walk down the hall. He stopped in his tracks and turned to face Jake.
“Yeah…” he began slowly, unsure of how Jake knew this unless it was really him that night.
“Well you did,” Jake responded, now he looked angry, “You left with her, after I asked you not to.”
“If I did then why didn’t you stop me?” he asked with an even tone and Jake shook his head.
“I tried, actually we fought about it,” Jake nodded and looked back at him.
“And?” he wanted to know. Jake sighed and took a step forward.
“And then I gave in and let you take her home,” Jake answered, “With the promise that you’d pay me back. But you never did.”
“Well I don’t remember it,” he snorted, this was getting insane. “And if I don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen.”
“Well believe me it did,” Jake said and took a few more steps forward. “And you owed me a favour.”
“Owed?” he asked and looked at Jake. “Look, if what you’re telling me is right, then shouldn’t I still owe you that favour?”
“Yes,” Jake nodded and he smirked, “But let’s just say the favour has been repaid.”
“You talk in circles you know that?” he snapped and Jake laughed, but it was an unusually evil laugh that he’d never heard before. “What do you mean?”
Jake stopped laughing and looked at him with an evil glint in his eye, “Oh you’ll figure it out. Soon enough.”

He gave a huge groan and trudged back to his room, the weight of what Jake had just said weighing on his mind, allowing him for a few moments to forget about the Justin incident, but could he? The twinkle in Jake’s eye had made him think that something Jake had said was connected to Justin, however he couldn’t explain it.
“And where have you been?” he stopped in his tracks and looked up to face Davie, leaning against the door frame of the room and arms across his chest.
“Doc,” he lied and yawned heavily as the lack of sleep from recent nights was catching up to him. “I went to find you but..”
“Ok, at least you were still in the building,” Davie accepted but gave him a stern look, “A few more minutes and I would have called you out.”
“Well now I’m here,” he stated and spread his arms out beside him.
“Yeah you are,” Davie nodded and pushed himself off the wall, “So did you find the doc?”
“No she was out,” he grumbled and tried to push past Davie to get to his room.
“You telling the truth?” Davie asked and he nodded.
“Yeah I am,” he replied snippily and looked at Davie, “Can I go to bed now?”
“Uh, sure,” Davie nodded and let go of his arm so he could continue into the room, “I’ll wake you at seven for group ok?”
“Ok,” he yawned and walked further into the room before reaching the bed, “Seven.”

It was way before seven when someone felt like waking him up the next morning from his deep, deep slumber.
“Go away,” he grumbled, turning over and hoping the person would go away. He reached over his head to pull the covers over him, but an arm reached out and roughly stopped him, pulling his arm behind him and pulling him up. “What the hell?”
“Mr Chasez?” a voice asked, as the hand let go of him and allowed him to stand up. He looked groggily around the room and saw a hazy figure standing before him, he was still half asleep.
“Yeah?” he asked and tried to stop himself from falling over as he stood up sleepily.
“I’m Officer Tawny,” the voice, who had now taken the shape of a man, said.
“Yeah so?” he asked yawning and rubbing his eyes so he could see through the sleep and see the man properly. “It’s not even seven yet.”
“Mr Chasez,” Officer Tawny began again and took a step forward, “I’m placing you under the arrest for the murder of Justin Timberlake.”
“What? Now?” he asked but the officer ignored his question and motioned for another officer came in and grabbed both his arms, forcing them behind his back.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be used against you in the court of law,” the officer read off his rights as he was being cuffed. “You also have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford one then one will be provided to you by the court. Mr Chasez, do you understand these charges?”
He looked at the officer and nodded, knowing it was best to let them do what they had to, no questions asked.

He had been arrested. Arrested for something he didn’t even remember taking place or even happening. He couldn’t believe it was happening to him.
He was sitting with his hands cuffed in the back of a blue and white car, while he glanced out the window to see the doctor arguing with the cops. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, but it looked to him as if she were fighting for him to stay at the center until he’d recovered. He let a small smile grace his features at the thought of someone wanting to help him, but he knew that all her efforts would go wasted as the cops shook their heads and headed back to the vehicle.
“Crazy woman,” the male officer commented getting into the car and putting on his seat belt. The female officer chuckled and did the same.
“Yeah, doesn’t she know she can’t stop the arrest?” she asked and quickly looked to the back of the car without a smile. “This is a lost cause.”
They were talking as if he wasn’t even there, as if he couldn’t hear them. He sighed heavily as the car pulled away and watched the building fade into the back ground, wishing that he was still there.

“Jayce?” he looked up and saw Chris staring intensely at him, wondering how this could have happened. “Did you tell them anything?” He shook his head again and looked down at his feet.
“No,” he whispered, although he pretty much figured they would have figured it out by now.
“Good, and don’t ok? We’ll try get you out of this,” Chris replied, he looked up at his friend with disbelief.
“How C?” he asked and sighed heavily, “I’m already in this as much as I can be. Like I said before you can’t do anything to help me.”
“Jayce, stop talking like that,” Chris said and he shook his head glaring at his friend.
“No C,” he snapped and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his cuffed hands, “I’m not going to try talking my way out of this one.”
“And why not Jayce?” Chris questioned with a frown, “You’re not guilty.”
“How do you know?” He asked back with a raised eyebrow, “You weren’t there, I was. I saw what happened.”
“Yeah you did, but you don’t even remember half of what happened,” Chris pointed out. He sighed and nodded, knowing his friend was right.
“Yeah, but I remember leaning over J when…” he began and let his voice trail off as the images of his dream came back to him slowly causing him to wince.
“Yeah, after it happened,” Chris said looking at him pointedly, “After it happened.”

He leaned his head back and tried to find a comfortable position on the hard iron bed that was part of his small cell. He hadn’t been able to sleep in days, and he was beginning to feel it.
He rubbed his eyes and tried not to think of what Chris had said, although it was hard because it was true. He hadn’t actually seen the accident taking place; he’d just seen what happened after the fact, and it haunted him.
After a few minutes he realised he wasn’t going to get much more sleep so he slowly sat up, careful not to bang his head against one of the iron rods that lay above the bed to make up the top bunk. He managed to smile slightly, as he got swung his legs over the side of the bed and slowly stand up, partly because he knew the reason he didn’t have to share a cell was because of whom he was and he was grateful for that.
But soon his smile faded and was quickly replaced by the familiar frown that had been gracing his features recently as he remembered why he was there, and it made him want a drink. He craved one; in fact he craved a red bull and vodka to be precise.
He groaned as he stood and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the craving as he paced up and down the tiny cell, trying to let his mind be consumed once again by the thoughts that had managed to haunt him daily. Thoughts of Justin and what Chris had told him, and how Jake was connected to all this.
He remembered the day Jake told him about the favour that needed repaying and saying that it was done, and the look in Jake’s eye when he’d said it.

He didn’t remember much of what happened the next few days; it all was a blurry haze to him. But what he did remember was being woken up from a peaceful slumber, the first one in many days.
“Come on Chasez,” the voice called to him, and he felt a thump in his side. He grumbled before hastily opening his eyes and seeing a blurry figure before him. “Get up, you have a visitor.”
He sat up slowly, as so he wouldn’t hit his head on the beams above the bed, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sniffling a yawn.
“Who is it?” he asked, and swung his legs over the side of the iron mass that was his bed. The officer stepped aside and roughly grabbed his arm to get him into a standing position.
“Your lawyer,” the officer replied and began dragging him out of the cell, without giving him much of a chance to get prepared or even wash up in the small sink that was provided for him.
“Oh,” was all he replied and didn’t bother protesting as he stumbled behind the officer. He had become much accustomed to the way people were treated around there and knew better not to fight it.
They walked some ways down the grey and narrow halls before stopping outside a small door, where the officer hastily cuffed his hands in front of him.
“Ten minutes,” the officer warned with stern eyes and he nodded, before the door was opened and he was rather roughly shoved inside the small room that the door led to. He stumbled, for a moment and tried to regain his footing before he looked up and took in his surroundings.
“Josh,” his lawyer greeted him, standing before him and holding out his hand. He grunted in response and took the lawyers hand in a shake.
“Jack,” he acknowledged and gave curt nod before both men sat down and looked at each other in silence. “So…”
“How are you holding up?” the lawyer asked glancing at him and smoothing a crease in his dark blue blazer.
“I’m holding up,” he shrugged, not really wanting to disclose the details to this man whom he’d only met once before.
“Good,” Jack nodded, believing what h was being told before continuing, “So, the hearing is set for a week from today.”
“Alright,” he nodded and looked down at his hands, allowing the lawyer to continue.
“And I just want to know if you wish to testify for your own device,” Jack finished, “As well as if there is anyone else you wish to testify on your behalf.”
He shrugged and looked up at the lawyer with intense eyes, “I really dunno. Maybe the guys?”
“The guys?” Jack questioned, his brow furrowing in confusion at the reference. He nodded, before realising the Jack had no idea who ‘the guys’ were.
“Chris, Joe and Lance,” he clarified before slumping back into his chair.
“Oh alright,” Jack nodded, mentally noting the names in his head, “Anyone else? Your family maybe? Mr Wright?”
“Yeah, and them too, I guess,” he shrugged again not really caring or really knowing what good it would do him. Jack smiled wearily before nodding.
“Don’t worry,” Jack said and leaned a little closer to his client, “Things will work out for the best. I’ll make sure of it.” He glanced up at his lawyer and raised his eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

A day later he was back sitting in the same room, with twice as many bruises from all the abuse he had endured from the guards. But the person sitting opposite him was different, and the room was drenched in silence.
“I’m really sorry Lynn,” he whispered and hung his head low so he was looking into his hands. The woman opposite him grunted, not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. He sighed as he heard the noise, knowing it was useless to try and convince the woman otherwise, and remembered why he had put off seeing her for so long.
She had come to the prison soon after he was arrested, to talk to him, but he’d refused to see her, putting it off until this very moment. He hadn’t been able to face her, and see the look that she now held in her eyes.
“He’s been dead almost two weeks now JC,” Lynn said, her voice was softer than he expected it. He nodded and forced himself to look up at her.
“I know,” he said and offered her a sad a smile, which she didn’t return.
“He was my only son JC,” Lynn continued as if he hadn’t spoken, “And he was your best friend.” She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears as she spoke. He sighed heavily and shook his head.
“I know I should have spoken to you sooner but…” he answered, wondering how to explain himself to her to make her understand.
“But you didn’t,” Lynn cut off and looked at him. She discreetly wiped away a stay tear that had fallen down her cheek.
“I heard you blamed me for the accident,” he whispered and noted how she nodded slowly.
“For a while yes,” she agreed, “But I finally realised that no matter who was driving that night, it would have still happened.”
“Yeah, but I could have stopped it,” he replied and looked at her, “I had that choice but I refused to make it. In the end it was still my fault.”
“Yes, but Justin could have told you no. He was a grown man JC,” Lynn replied softly. “He had a choice too, and like you he made the wrong one. We all make mistakes JC.”
“Is that why you wanted to see me? To tell me we all make mistakes?” he asked, confusion covering his features. Lynn smiled slowly and shook her head.
“No, I wanted to see you because like Justin, you’re still like a son to me no matter what,” she said, and he nodded knowing what she said was true. She had been with them through the very first years of their careers. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you alright?”
“I could do better,” he shrugged, telling her the truth. He knew that even if he lied to her she would be able to tell.
“What does that mean?” she asked, he could read the concern in her voice.
“Nothing,” he smiled in reassurance at her before she nodded.
“Alright,” she said giving in and glancing towards the clock, “Looks like our time is almost up, but before I go is there anything you need?”
“Uh, can you somehow manage for me to see Dr Halley?” he asked sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, or what he could. Lynn nodded, knowing he still had some guilt he carried around with him and needed to solve it.
“I’ll see what I can do,” she smiled and stood up, “is it okay if I come back in a few days?”
“Yeah, I’d like that,” he whispered and smiled as she leaned forward to hug him.
“Great,” she replied and kissed his forehead, “Well take care Jayce, I’ll see you soon alright? And I’ll see what I can do about the doc.”
“Thanks,” he nodded and allowed her to hug him.
“No problem,” she smiled and pulled away, “And remember, you’re still like a son to me. Bye.”
“Bye Lynn,” he grumbled as he watched her slowly leave the room.

“I’m glad you agreed to let me take you back,” Justin said leaning back in his seat as they drove up Sunset.
“Yeah, well…” he shrugged and ran a hand over his face.
“Really Jayce, it’s important that you get better,” Justin said softly glancing over to him. He shrugged again ad tapped his fingers on his knee.
“I know that,” he told his friend and looked out the window.
“I’m serious Jayce, and I really wish you would take it seriously,” Justin replied, this time he turned his head to look back to his friend.
“I am taking it seriously,” he said and Justin raised an eyebrow.
“Are you?” Justin asked, and he nodded.
“Yeah I am,” he said firmly as they stopped at a red light. Justin sighed and tapped his hand against the steering wheel.
“Good, because you know these outings have to stop,” Justin replied with a small laugh. He sighed and rolled his eyes.
“This was the only time,” he sighed as the light turned green and they drove on and he turned in his seat, “And I promise…” His voice trailed off as a bright light blinded his vision, and he saw his best friend fly out of his seat.