January 31st
It cracks me up that everybody else's birthdays go relatively quietly, even though we all work together pretty much 24/7. Yet when it's JT's birthday, the man can't walk three steps for people stopping him and clapping him on the back and asking him how he's celebrating. Ass sucking sycophants. Me and Trace were killing ourselves laughing.
Show went well tonight, though I slightly messed up and forgot to turn Justin's mike off when he went backstage for a second. Audience heard Marty starting to say something before I realised and managed to cut him off real quick; he got about a syllable out. JT won't let me live this down for a week - he hears every little thing, it's freakish.
February 3rd
In London at Wembley - like the UK version of Madison Square Garden. I've never worked this venue before, the buzz is insane. It's like everybody has stepped up a gear just because it is where it is. What's crazy is that this should mean nothing to us, we're American, but just hearing it from the UK guys is pumping us up.
I'm amused that after the Making Of documentary aired a few days ago people have actually started recognising me in the streets as one of JT's sound techs. They keep stopping me to ask for gossip or hotel details or drop hints that they're huge fans and they're in the nosebleeds - everybody wants an upgrade. There's no polite way to tell them that they're dropping hints to the wrong person; if they want upgrades they need to pin down his mom or one of the security guys. A couple of people even asked me to sign their programs, I have no idea why. Still I smiled and did it; we were all warned when we were hired that we represent Justin and so we have to be nice to everybody, even if it kills us.
Hung out with JT and Trace at lunch - we went with his cousin Rachael and Marty to this place which is kind of like Justin's down home style restaurant in New York that I never remember the name of. It's Southern… Something. I can never remember. Food was good, but coming from the state of macrobiotic diets and soy and all that crap I'm not too used to the carbs. English food in general seems carb heavy; my stomach's killing me now. We got into this huge debate on who the biggest living legend is in music - they were all fighting over Michael Jackson until I ended the argument with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. You can't say bigger than The Beatles. Then it got into dead musicians and they all refused to accept that Freddie Mercury rules all. Ill-informed morons.
February 11th
Been too busy to even write for a week. What's the point of having a diary to track what I'm doing day to day if I don't write in it? It's not like I'm spilling my deepest feelings, it's just supposed to be a memory jogger.
Had some days off, but what days off really means on this tour is that Justin and the dancers get some down time while the rest of us run around tweaking stuff. We're in Cardiff now. It doesn't matter how many shows we do and how much like a well-oiled machine we get, it's never perfect and there's always something we think we can do better. I work with the world's largest collection of anal retentive perfectionists. I am an anal retentive perfectionist. Kevin (the band leader) and I have been working on remixing the sound, especially during the songs where the band really rocks out. Kevin heard what I thought was some imagined imperfection but after listening it through a few times he's right - the bass is off by a fraction. Most people wouldn't notice that kind of detail, but we do.
Been spending most of my time with the band because of that. I haven't really been checking in with the rest of the crew. We've even been spending meals together, at first discussing some more tweaks and then kind of dwindling off into conversations about love, life and the universe. This is my favourite thing about touring with all these different artists and their bands; you get to meet so many different types of people. I like people watching and trying to work out how they tick. Plus these guys are pretty funny.
February 13th
Ugh. Don't feel like writing much, my favourite person just turned up to visit the tour. Wish she'd turn around and go back to wherever it is she came from. It's not natural for anybody to be that peppy, and the fawning over Justin make me want to puke.
Had one of those days where I looked in the mirror and felt like shit. Dull brown hair, dull brown eyes, nothing great to look at. Hair needs styling but I'm useless with it. Even my usual fail safe outfits make me feel like a hobo.
February 14th
Valentine's Day in Birmingham, which I'm told is England's second city after London. Means nothing to me. Feeling even worse today than I did yesterday, since the big 'Love' day is making her even worse. I totally forgot it was today and that's why she'd be out here. What does he see in her?
Also seriously depressed because I'm on my own as fucking usual. It's so hard for me to date, I don't understand why. Everybody else I know seems happy to just randomly hook up and date around, but it's not my style. I don't like to be that obvious. I just want something laid back but steady, am I really asking that much? Like dating isn't enough of a minefield for me as it is.
February 15th
Not much happening, just a standard day. Got up, ate, worked out in the gym, headed over to the venue and went straight into setting up and testing. Ate lunch with catering, had to fix a couple of problems with the speakers, then sound check, dinner and show. You get into kind of a routine when you're on tour, even if you are travelling around all over the place. I think thus far we're up to number 15 of 30-something cities, and then we head over to Europe. Man I want a vacation right about now.
February 17th
Ding dong, the witch is dead. Or at least she's hopped a plane back to La-la Land. Maybe now we'll all actually get a view of JT's face - hard when she's permanently attached to his mouth like a succubus. Meh, I'm just bitter.
Nearly choked on my sandwich at lunch when the F word came up, but other than that all went pretty much as normal. They had some more camera crews looking backstage and I had to talk them through what I do in the show. The presenter asked if I get any dates out of being in the inner circle, just as a joke, but I went Ferrari red. Finally met Timbaland today, he was cool. We got into a discussion on the latest mixing desks and the equipment he's just ordered in for his studio - damn I would kill to work for that guy. His studio gets updated pretty much every time something bigger and better comes out, he can afford it. Wish I could. I can barely afford some decent clothes half the time, and hanging around all these beautiful people under the gaze of one of the most beautiful guys in the world makes you kind of self-conscious, appearance wise.
I think I might corner JT's stylist and see if she's willing to give me a haircut. Mine's getting too long and maybe a new style would make me feel better about myself. I've never been too into the whole fashion thing but my friend Suzie swears that a good hair cut makes her feel like a million bucks. Maybe there's something to it.
February 20th
Really, really awkward day. Everybody was in a foul mood about one thing or another, the female dancers are all at each other's throats over something, Justin's bitching about some new tabloid rumour and Alex asked me out. It was really awkward saying no; Alex is a nice person and it's a bitch trying to let someone down gently without letting on that they totally wasted their time because you would never have said yes. Even the band were kind of pissy, and those guys are the most laid back people on this tour.
Not much else happened, just the usual show routine. Amusing moment on stage where Justin tossed his hat in the air as usual and it skidded right off into the crowd. They couldn't find who managed to grab it, so that's a very expensive designer hat gone. We keep joking that we'll watch for it on eBay, 'still has Justin's sweat stains!'
Mom called, Grandpa looks like he's getting worse. They think the lack of oxygen due to the emphysema is making him hallucinate. They're not sure, but Nana swears he keeps mentioning just little things that she's never seen or heard. Justin's mom overheard and she was doing the whole sympathetic thing, saying that if I needed to go home for a few days everybody would understand and… bah. I appreciate her being nice and all, but I'd rather not discuss it. Don't wanna think about it don't wanna talk about it, as the song goes.
February 23rd
We're in Scotland somewhere. I keep losing track of which city we're in.
It's really uncomfortable when the guy you're lusting over comes and asks you for girl advice. Especially when you think his girlfriend is a brainless little bimbette who overdid it on the laughing gas as a child and never recovered. I swear, it's not just jealousy - I could cope with him being unavailable a lot better if I actually liked the woman. I don't get how he could not notice I'm hot for him; we hang out and everything, but whenever he and I are alone (rare as it is) I get kind of quiet. When we're in groups I tend to talk at other people rather than directly at him. I can't help it; I get tongue tied too easy. Then again, I guess I can be kind of quiet anyway and I bet it would never even cross his mind that I might like him.
I thought I said this diary wasn't for my deepest feelings? Anyway, not a lot happened today other than the big wigs came down to check up on the operation and make sure everything's still running smoothly. I never understood why they have to do that; surely they'd just call and tell them if it's not. I'm sure their cash registers are ringing healthily. Eddie nearly killed himself falling off the stage - it was funny as hell to watch, he's supposed to drop into this slide and halt just at the edge but he took a step too many before going down and he just went straight off the end. It's the kind of clip they'd kill for on America's Funniest Home Videos or whatever, but it got less funny when we realised he was hurt. Lucky he just sprained his wrist, didn't break it, so they dosed him on pain killers and he just won't be hitting all the hand movements and points they do and stuff.
February 27th
Happy Birthday to me. Didn't tell anybody on the tour, didn't want to make a big deal of it, but they sprung a cake on me anyway. Apparently they check the dates of birth on our job applications and make some kind of birthday check list. Sweet of them, but I wasn't in the mood to celebrate. When Mom called to say Happy Birthday she mentioned Grandpa's in hospital with a chest infection. It's only mild, but at his age in his condition it'll sack him out for a while. To be honest, I have a suspicion he'll have died before I get home from this tour. I should cry or something, but thinking about it just leaves me kind of numb and detached, in this weird way. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not home; it'd probably look like I didn't care.
Apparently the other birthday tradition is Justin buying everybody an iPod. Cool of him - he thoughtfully put some Beatles and Queen on there for my listening pleasure too, after our greatest musician ever discussion. I need to get over this crush or whatever it is I have, but he makes it difficult.
March 2nd
Nothing much to report. Now we're in Amsterdam and my butt reaming asshole of a father decided to make one of his bi-annual attempts at speaking to me. I told him I wasn't interested and hung up. You need a licence to fish, you need a licence to drive, but any butt reaming asshole who walks out on you and your mother when you're three and doesn't bother to pay child support can be a father. I won't be 'in the mood' as he puts it for a father/son chat for a very long time. Or ever.