It’s freezing out here. I don’t mean that it’s a little chilly I mean it’s like minus five out here and a nor’easter is coming through. I look outside and shiver seeing as how my heat is out and the electric company is threatening to shut off my electricity soon anyway. A stack of bills to be paid remains on my counter but without one of those things called a job comes around I don’t have one damn way to pay it. So there you go.

I sit back down on the couch, trying not to imagine being homeless for the coming new year. Nothing in my life has gone according to plan. I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to do to get it back on track and the days just keep slipping by without end. I wish I could just pause it for a minute to catch up but somehow I just keep falling father and father behind.

I go to the fridge and extract the last thing in the fridge, a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Nothing like eating something colder than you already are to make your holiday really special.

A shiver runs up my back as I look at the calendar. Two weeks until Christmas. The man at the church I slept in last night told us to hold out for hope, that God would take care of everything. That’s a load of crap. If there’s a God I’m still waiting for the evidence.

“God. What God? At this point it’s going to take a miracle for me to survive the remainder of this year.” I sigh, hitting my head against the back of my futon.

“Alana.”

I turn around to see a man standing by my fridge, looking in it. I jump up off the couch and look at him, “Who the hell are you?”

“Damien.”

“What are you doing in my apartment?”

He closes the fridge, “Obviously not eating anything,” he says, slamming it closed.

“Look, I don’t have anything worth any value but you can have whatever you can find,” I say, backing myself up against the wall.

“I’m here Alana because you seems to be doing quite the complaining lately about your life.”

Okay, obviously this guy just broke out of a psychiatric hospital, “Listen, I don’t have any money but there is a shelter around the corner if you want me to take you there.”

He starts to laugh and I grab the phone quickly, “I am going to call 911 if you don’t get out of here right now.”

“I’d like to Alana but the big guy upstairs says I can’t so I’m stuck here with you until my job is done.”

“Okay, that’s it,” I say, punching the numbers into the phone but it won’t dial. I look up at the man and start punching the numbers harder.

“It’s not going to work Alana.”

I look up shakily, “What did you do?”

Damien rubs his arms, “It’s cold in here.”

“My heat’s out,” I say cautiously walking towards the door carefully.

He smiles and points to it. Instantly a sound comes out of the radiator and with a loud groan, the heat comes on. I stare at it before making a run for the door, grabbing a hold of the doorknob but it won’t turn. I try to pound on the door but it makes no sound. I spin around and stare at the guy now positioned on my futon making himself comfortable.

“Who are you?” I breathe, trying not to cry.

“I told you, my name is Damien.”

“What are you?”

He smiles again, “An angel.”

I snort, “I don’t believe in angels.”

“Well then this is going to be even more fun than usual.”

“You’re insane you know that?” I say, still trying to turn the doorknob with my hand.

“I’m here because you seem to be complaining about your life lately and blaming God.”

“I don’t believe in God.”

“Then if I were you I would rethink cursing at him when something bad happens if that’s true.”

“So if you’re really an angel, shouldn’t you have wings or glow or something?” I mock.

“We’ve changed uniforms as of late,” he says dryly.

I roll my eyes, “So what is your plan? Give me a winning lottery ticket or something to make up for the crappy hand I’ve been dealt?”

He shakes his finger at me, “That’s the thing about you humans. He gives you free will and every bad decision you make you blame him.”

“What?”

“You made your own decisions in life. I’m going to show you what would have happened if you had taken a different path in life. You put yourself here all by yourself but seeing as how it’s almost Christmas the guy upstairs agreed to cut you some slack.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to. Just remember, you were the one that made the decisions in life.”

I twist the doorknob as it suddenly opens and I run down the stairs. Suddenly the stairs drop out from under me and I’m in what feels like a tornado. I’m going to die I know it. Everything starts to spin and I close my eyes, preparing to give up on life.

________________________________________________________________________

I move my body, feeling something cool underneath my body. I open my eyes slowly to see sheets. I push my body up off the sheets to see a bed. First off, I don’t own a bed, let alone sheets. I sit up in shock and put my hands in my hair. Suddenly my hair is down my back instead of down to my hips. My fingernails have polish on them and suddenly I can’t feel my ribs through my skin as I look down and see myself clad in only fancy underwear.

My legs swing over the bed and I go over to the huge mirror, examining myself. No longer straggly, I’m filled out a little more with actual breasts. I examine myself in the mirror until a voice behind me causes me to jump, “Hey sexy, put on some clothes and let’s go.”

I cover my body as the man grins at me, “Ally, as adorable as you are I can’t do you right now. Put on your clothes on because I’m leaving in five minutes with or without your beautiful body in the car.”

My lips don’t seem to work as he leaves and I’m left to panic. Where the hell am I?

“Welcome to your other life.”

I turn around to see Damien sitting on the bed, “Damien!”

“Good morning Alana.”

I grab a towel from off the floor and wrap it around myself, “What is going on?”

“First, we’re spirits which means we don’t feel sexual emotions, so you don’t need to cover up. I see you in the bathroom. Second, this is your life.”

Air doesn’t seem to be coming to me and I reach out for the bed. Damien rubs my back, “Try not to hyperventilate as I explain. This is a look at what your life would have been like had you made different decisions.”

“I can’t do this,” I say, taking deep breathes.

“It will come to you as you go on.”

"You see me in the bathroom?" I say, taking this all in very slowly.

"Is that really a question you want to be bothering me with?"

Okay, the man has a point. Or should I say angel. Oh hell I don't even believe in this stuff.

“Who was that?” I ask, pointing in the direction the man left.

Damien holds out his hand as a magazine suddenly appears in his hand, giving it to me. I take it hesitantly and look at the cover. On it is my picture next to the guy who had just come up. It reads, “Justin Timberlake and Alana Morrison, the perfect couple.”

“Oh holy shit.”

“Watch the language," he says standing up, "See you Alana.”

“Wait!” I say, grabbing his arm, “Don’t leave me here, I don’t know anyone or anything for that matter.”

“Don’t worry Alana, I’ll be around. For the time being, I would start enjoying the time you have here.”

And with that he disappeared, leaving me to figure out what was going to happen next.

Fuck.

I have a guy yelling up the stairs telling me to hurry up and I really have no idea who he is except for the fact that his name is Justin. I go through several drawers before I find women’s clothing which I presume to be mine. I slip into a sweater and jeans before cautiously heading down the stairs. I peer around the corner and when I determine that no one is there I step out onto the hard wood floor.

My eyes scan the room as I let myself take a few more steps. There is a couch and a TV leading to a kitchen. It is quite possibly one of the biggest houses I’ve ever seen. I notice pictures of me, or what I suppose is of me on the wall posing with the guy.

“Damien get your ass out here now!” I hiss.

Suddenly the guy comes around the corner and smiles when he sees me, “Finally. I love you babe but you take way too long to get ready. I swear I’m going to drag you out of the bathroom next time.”

I swallow hard, “Sorry?”

He just shakes his head as he puts his wallet in his back pocket, “Alright lets get out of here. Do you have everything you need?”

I open and close my mouth a few times, “Where are we going?”

He frowns, “Funny Ally, real funny.”

I’m so confused it’s not even funny, “No really, I don’t remember.”

The man comes over to me and puts his hand on my forehead, “Are you feeling alright baby?”

I pull away, “Fine, I just don’t remember where we are going alright?”

He frowns, “We are going to the studio baby. You’re going to help me lay some tracks down. How could you forget?”

“I guess I’m just tired,” I say, hugging my arms to my body.

He reaches out for me and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me towards his body as he secures me against him, “What are you so on edge about today? I thought you were excited to be doing this again with me?”

This is not going to work, “I am Jason.” I lie.

He stops short, “What did you call me?”

My mind reels as I struggle to remember what the magazine said. I stare at him for a minute until my eyes catch a gold record on the wall that has the name Justin printed on it, “I said Justin.”

He frowns before putting his arm back on my shoulder, “I guess I didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah,” I respond, focusing more on his hand hanging too close to my breast. He leads me out the door and opens the car door for me as I climb in. He shuts the door and walks around to his side, getting in and starting the car up. He turns the radio on and hums along to song playing as I just sit exhausted from trying to put everything together.

“So what were you thinking about Lovestoned?”

I slowly look over at him, “Yeah.”

“What did you think about the chorus?”

Well at least I know it’s a song, “It was really good.”

“So if you had to add something to it, what would you do? I mean I wasn’t sure about the beat and I was thinking that maybe you could remix it and see what you could come up with.”

“I’d have to listen to it again,” I cover.

Justin reaches out and grabs my hand, “Didn’t you once tell me that my music was too good to ever forget?”

I force a giggle and remove my hand from his, “I just want to make sure I don’t miss anything.”

Justin shifts gears, “I’m just playing with you, I know you have a busy week ahead of you.”

I just try to smile as he parks the car and we get out. I follow him into the building and into a room with a lot of controls and a pane of glass leading to the room with the recording equipment. I sit down in the empty chair as Justin puts his things down, “I’m going to go call Trace and see where he is. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay.”

I wait until he’s out the door before standing up, “Damien a little help please!” I yell, tapping my foot.

“What is it?”

I spin around to see Damien sitting behind me, “Why can’t you ever appear in front of me instead of trying to scare the crap out of me from behind?”

He shrugs, “It’s more entertaining for me. After all, you don’t believe in angels so for all you know, I’m a figure of your imagination which means you control where I appear from you subconscious.”

“Are you an angel?”

Damien smiles, “Of course.”

“Then try not to cause me to die and early death.”

He rolls his eyes, “You rang?”

“Uh yeah I rang, I have no idea what’s going on. I could use a little help here.”

“What do you need to know?”

“How about what I’m supposed to do here. Justin keeps talking about me doing something, I’m going to assume he’s a singer.”

“You never got out much did you?”

I cross my arms over my chest, “I had other things on my mind.”

“Yes he’s a singer.”

“And I’m….”

“His producer.”

“I have no idea what that is.”

Damien picks up a cd and throws it my way. I try to catch it but I miss. The cd heads for the floor but suddenly before it can hit, stops short in the air and suddenly reverses, pausing at my hand. I stare at it for a minute before Damien interrupts my thoughts, “Don’t be afraid Alana. Go ahead and take it.”

I reach my hand out and gently take the cd. Damien gets up and points to my name displayed on the back of the cd, “You play with the vocals of the artist and rework it until it’s read for the consumer to listen to.”

“And he expects me to do that today? I have no idea how to work any of this,” I say, panicking a little.

“Relax Alana, that’s why I’m here. You’re not totally alone here.”

“Can you tell me what I’m really doing here? What I’m supposed to be accomplishing?”

“I said I was here to help, not give you the answers. What you get out of this is completely up to you.”

“Then can I have some sort of background as to my relationship with the guy?”

He grins again, “No.”

“You are really enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Does it show?”

“Does God know how you are treating me?”

“What do you care, you don’t believe in him either.”

I put my hands on my hips, “Then why don’t you just tell me what you can tell me.”

“You Alana Morrison are being given a chance to see what you could have had. You have to figure everything else out on your own. Some things I’ll be here to help you with but the rest of it depends on you.”

“Thanks, that was so clear,” I sigh.

“You’re welcome,” he says proudly.

“If I was to call you a pain in the ass would I go to hell?”

“Who are you talking to Allie?”

I turn around to see a guy standing in the doorway. Damien hops up out of the chair, “Oh and by the way, you are the only one who can see and hear me. To others, it jus looks like your talking to yourself. I wouldn’t do too much of that by the way, you don’t want to spend your time here committed.”

“You’re so funny.”

The man looks at me, “I didn’t say anything.”

Damien stands up and smacks the back of my head, winking at me. I narrow my eyes but focus on the guy who seems to know me, “Hey.”

“Hey yourself. Justin is just grabbing something to eat.”

I nod, “Alright.”

The guy pulls up a chair next to me as Justin comes in, “Trace did you call Gary and tell him we were recording today?”

He nods, “Yeah I let him know.”

Justin come up behind me and rubs my shoulders, sliding his hands under the collar of my shirt, “Okay baby, do your thing.”

I move away from him quickly, “Got it.”

He looks surprised but seems to shrug it off and he leaves the room and goes into the booth in front of us. Justin places the headphones on, “Ready when you are baby.”

I stand there like an idiot, trying to figure out what to do. I frown as I look at all the buttons not sure which to push as Trace stares at me. Suddenly Damien appears in front of me and a small gasp slips out of my mouth.

“You okay Ally?” Trace asks.

“Yeah,” I breathe, looking at Damien.

“I’m just doing what you requested,” he says, grabbing my hands and placing them on the controls. My hands begin to have a mind of their own as they hit buttons and I lose control of my mouth, “Go ahead.”

Justin nods and starts to sing into the microphone as somehow everything comes as a second nature. Damien leans against the controls, “Everything you learn you won’t forget. Should you two come in here and decide to record anything else, your body will know what to do.”

I want to ask questions but talking out loud to someone who isn’t there doesn’t look great. Damien just shakes his head, “I can read your thoughts too. The reason you’ll know is because that’s who you are in this reality. You are doing exactly what you already know.”

I frown and Damien puts his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t be frustrated, it’s just your first day. Just remember, you’re never alone.”

Damien disappears and I’m left with Trace again. Maybe after I get back home I’ll try and do some research if this guy is famous. I should be able to figure things out.

“So what are you going to do for this Sunday?”

Okay, now it would be helpful to know what the hell he’s talking about, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Are you kidding?”

His tone tells me I haven’t given him the answer he wants, “Why?”

“Ally, you’re the one who normally has this stuff planned months in advanced. Justin has this big thing planned and you haven’t even thought about it?”

“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, I just was trying to decide which idea to go with.”

Trace seems satisfied with the answer and I breathe a sigh of relief. Justin finishes singing his final song and put the headphones down, “Okay that’s it. What did you think Al?”

“Works for me.”

He nods, “Alright we can get going. Ally and I are going to meet you for dinner Trace, we are just going to grab some sleep beforehand.”

“Yeah how long did you guys spend on the plane yesterday.”

“Too long,” Justin says, coming in and picking his keys up. He holds his hand out to me and I take it hesitantly.

“Let’s go home,” he says. I have to admit that I’m already tired from this morning. We get back in the car and drive it back home, going back into the house. I go in to the house with him at my side. Justin yawns and pulls on my hand as he heads up the stairs. He stretches his arms up above his head, removing his clothing.

I stand back away from him as he strips down to his boxers and collapses on the bed. I just stare at him until he opens one eye, “What are you doing Ally?” he mumbles, obviously tired.

“I’m not that tired,” I lie.

“Baby we spent eleven hours on a plane and didn’t get home until three of which we had to be up at seven and you’re telling me you’re not tired? Nice try. Get your ass over here,” he says, patting the bed.

“Really, I’m okay.”

“You can still keep my company,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at me.   

“I’m not really feeling well, I’m just going to go sit down.”

Justin picks his head up, “Do you want me to come sit with you? Maybe you picked something up over in England.”

“I’m fine,” I say, trying to reassure him, “I’m just going to have some tea. You go ahead and sleep.”

Before he can say anything else I make a run for the lower floor. I find the bathroom without much trouble and lock myself in it, holding my chest as my heart pounds in my chest. Why am I here?

I sit uncomfortably across the table from him, feeling his gaze locked on me. I carefully twirl the spaghetti on my fork and pretend not to notice. He hasn’t stopped staring at me since we sat down to eat which I suppose would be the natural thing to do if your girlfriend wasn’t acting like she was supposed to.

When I got on the internet to do a little information hunting it had a few things listed about our relationship, one being that we’ve been together for about four years with some details added but not enough to really give me an idea as to how I ended up here.

“Are you mad at me?”

I look up at his puppy dog face, begging for some sort of answer at to why I’m probably not acting like his girlfriend, “No, of course not.”

He twirls the pasta on his fork and hesitantly takes a bite before looking back up at me, “Then what is the problem?”

“Nothing,” I remark, having noticed that my voice comes out harsh. I don’t mean for it to come across like that, I just react that way when I’m trying my best not to act scared. There is no room for fear back home or wherever the hell I come from.

Justin places his fork down next to his plate, “Is there anything you want to talk about? Maybe get off your chest?”

I shake my head and he sighs, picking his plate up and taking over to the sink, washing it off. He looks sad, like an ache that just won’t go away.

“Who missed me?” a voice bellows throughout the house as blonde bounds through the kitchen and wraps her arms around my neck, catching me off guard.

“Hi,” I say slowly.

The girl points at Justin, “And you, nice to see you’re alive.”

Justin turns around and smiles, “Hurricane Harper, long time no see.”

She stands on her tippy toes and hugs him, “We missed you, though it was nice having not to listen to your crap every day.”

“Pshh, your so full of it Harper. Glad to know you still live here.”

The girl rolls her eyes dramatically and comes over, plopping herself at the table and takes my fork out of my hand and eats the food of my plate, “Ally wouldn’t have it any other way,” she says, winking at me.

I watch Harper for a minute as she and Justin exchange comments at one another. I suppose this girl is a friend, though she seems a little happy go lucky than anyone I can ever imagine befriending.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of light and I see Damien sitting on the counter, surveying our dinner. I begin to choke on my drink loud enough for the two of them to stop what they are doing and look my way. Harper jumps up, “You okay?”

I nod, trying to catch my breath, “Yeah, it just went down the wrong tube. I’ll be right back,” I say, excusing myself from the room and going into the first bathroom I can find. I turn the facet on and splash my face with cold water as I reach for a towel to dry my face off.

“Having fun?” a voice asks from behind me.

I spin around and clutch my chest, “What did we discuss about the popping out of nowhere thing?”

“I forgot,” he says simply.

“Liar,” I mutter under my breath.

“I can hear ever word you think just in case you were wondering.”

“So you are a mind reader too? I thought that was less God, more Wicca.”

Damien gives me that stupid smug look again, “You can run your mouth all you want but in the end it won’t do you any good.”

I sink down onto the toilet seat and sigh, “So what are you here for now?”

“I’m here to tell you to get a move on the reason you’re here.”

“Which would be?”

“I’m not stupid Alana, I’m not about to make this easy for you.”

“Of course not!” I say throwing my hands up in the air, “I’m supposed to be working on the reason I’m here even though I have no idea what that reason is and I’ve been dropped here with this guy I don’t even know who expects me to act like his girlfriend. I’m doing just great so far. Stop me if I’ve left anything else out.”

Damien waves his hand and suddenly the way go invisible, allowing us to see strait into the kitchen, “The girl there is Harper.”

“That much I gathered.”

“She has been your best friend since…. Well you’ll figure it out but for quite some time. She stays with you when Justin goes on tour so you’re not in the house by yourself.”

“Can they see us?”

“Of course not, don’t be silly.”

“You just made the walls go invisible and I’m the one being ridiculous?”

“Have you talked to him?”

I look at Damien, “Who?”

“The president of the United States. Justin of course,” he says dryly.

“Of course not, what would I say?”

“How should I know, strike up a conversation. You’re very slow to move considering you were pinning away in your little and might I add cold apartment not twenty four hours ago.”

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you just take me back there and I’ll never do it again.”

Damien looks at me and waves his hand again, pausing the two of them. I stand in shock as the clock stops ticking and Justin and Harper seem to be frozen. I grab on to Damien’s arm as we start to float over to the two of them, seemingly going through walls.

He sets me down gently and points to Justin, “Give him a kiss goodbye.”

“What?”

“You said you wanted to leave, so in order to do that you have to kiss your fate goodbye.”

I hesitantly lean over and kiss him on the cheek as I close my eyes. I wait for something to happen but when I feel nothing I crack my eyes open to see Damien with his arms crossed, “Not on the cheek.”

“I am not kissing some guy I don’t even know.”

“You are the one who said you wanted to leave. Do it.”

I hold my breath and lean in, connecting out mouths together. His lips are surprisingly soft and I hang onto them for dear life as I feel something swirl around me. I hear a groan and open my eyes to see Justin as I feel his mouth moving against mine. I pull back in shock and put my hand up to cover my mouth. Justin smiles at me, “Well that’s what I’ve been waiting all day for.”

I try to understand what I did wrong when I see Damien smiling behind Justin. “You liar,” I say in my head.

He just winks at me and disappears into thin air.

“Alright you two, I’m going to get going so I don’t have to see anymore of that. I’ll call you later Ally.”

“Bye Harper,” Justin calls out and she waves, making her way out the door.

To my dismay, Justin picks me up and places me on the counter before I can protest, kissing me hard before pulling away to catch his breath, “I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

I swallow hard as he kisses my neck before making his way down to my chest, starting to unbutton my shirt really slowly. It take about a minute for my fear to finally come to head and I push him away slowly, “Get away.”

He looks confused and he reaches out for me, “Alana, what is going on?”

I back up until I feel my back hit the wall, “I don’t want to have sex.”

He can’t help but look adorable as he shakes his head, “I don’t understand.”

I laugh out loud, “No kidding.”

Justin lets his hand slide back down to his side and backs off, “What is going on Alana? Look, I know you were mad at me while I was off on tour but I thought we had fixed all of it.”

I feel the weight of the world sitting squarely on my shoulders, “It’s just that I’m really tired alright? I’m going to go to bed.”

“Why don’t I come with me? We can lay together.”

“I’m okay,” I insist, climbing up the stairs two at a time.

________________________________________________________________________

Her skin gleams as the light from the moon makes her look like a figure of my imagination rather than my girlfriend. Her hair is splayed out all over the pillow like she fell onto the bed. Her hand placement is one under her head and the other on her hip, daring me to touch her. She’s the only thing that has ever really made any sense in my life. The least complicated and most heart throbbing thing that I could have ever asked for. It’s not complicated because when you really love someone, you just love them. Not complicated. It’s when we do something that isn’t loving is when it gets complicated.

I lean over and touch her face gently, knowing that at least at this point she doesn’t want me touching her. She might as well tell me not to breathe. Touching her is a necessity in my life. I can’t go very long without touching her, which probably explains the weekly call for her to fly out to me on tour just so I can be with her. And that is the pattern that has taken shape for most of our relationship. At least, most of it. One slip up and I’m banished from touching her. The thing I need most.

Don’t believe what they tell you. Sure, women forgive. But they never forget.

She stirs under my touch and I pull away, pretending not to be the reason she was woken from her slumber. Alana sits up in bed and looks around, waiting for me to move. She’s not stupid, she knows I’m not sleeping. In spite of myself I look over at her, “Hey beautiful.”

Alana grabs her pillow in her hand and a blanket from the end of the bed, “I’m going to go sleep on the couch,” she whispers.

I grab on to her arm, “Alana please don’t go.”

She pulls away from my touch, “I just want to be alone.”

“I know that’s what you think you want but believe me, if you stay we can work things out.”

“There is nothing to work out Justin. Just relax alright?” she says, like that somehow would make everything okay.

“It’s not about you,” she says sympathetically, trying to make me feel better.

“Sure it’s not.”

“Justin please, alright?”

I reluctantly let her go and watch her move herself downstairs. God I love her.

__________________________________________________________________

I set up my stuff on the downstairs couch as I make myself a bed. I fix my pillows and reach for the blanket on the floor only to feel a hand. I have learned my now not to scream but it doesn’t give my heart any break, “You are going to give me a heart attack.”

“If you are not careful that’s exactly what you’re going to do to Justin.”

My eyes roll, “You have got to be kidding.”

“You are making him feel very guilty, thinking that the reason you don’t want to be with him is his fault.”

“I’ve told him it wasn’t his fault.”

“Well that should make him feel better.”

“Why don’t you disappear?”

“Just remember Ally, anything you do here is all you. You push people away that’s exactly what you are going to get in return.

I tug my blanket over my head and groan, “Just go away.”

“Whatever you say Alana. Good luck.”

“With what?”

“You’ll find out.”

“I hate you in case you had any doubt,” I call out as he disappears and I snuggle in for some sleep.

Someone tugs on the blanket that is around me and I wake up with a start. A semi familiar face peers over at me questioningly, “What the hell are you doing sleeping on the couch?”

I put my arm up over my eyes, “Do you always break into people’s houses and wake them up from their sleep?”

I hear Trace snort, “Have you not been here the past five years?”

My arm slides back down and I frown, seriously considering blurting out everything but the lingering thought in my head about being committed to a psychiatric ward keeps me from saying anything, “What do you want?”

“Uh hello? Justin’s surprise party,” he hisses.

I stare at him blankly, “What?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot,” he says, disappointment evident in his voice.

“Of course not, I’m just tired.”

Trace eyes me, “Alright, whatever. I’m taking him out and we’ll be back around noon. Is that enough time to get ready?”

Now I have to set up a surprise party? God help me. Literally.

“Sure,” I lie.

Justin comes down the stairs and tugs at my hair as he puts on his jacket, “A singer’s work in never done.”

Trace hands Justin something wrapped in foil which I assume must be some sort of breakfast on the run. Justin leans down, kissing my head, “When I get back we’ll just hang out. Talk a little,” he says firmly.

“What did you do now,” Trace says, receiving a smack on the head in return.

“Shit man that hurt,” he says, rubbing it.

“Be a man and don’t rub it,” Justin says as they push each other as they leave the house. The door shuts and I’m alone. I pause long enough to realize I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.  

A surprise party for what? His birthday? God I hope not. What kind of girlfriend doesn’t get a present for their boyfriend’s birthday.

“Okay, here we go.”

I jump as Harper comes in and puts a bag down on the floor in front of me filled to the top with party decorations.

“Do you and Trace ever knock?”

She looks at me like I have two heads, “You’re kidding right? You know we don’t know what we are supposed to do with the front door.”

Harper nudges me, “So the caterers are going to be here in about a half hour and Jackie will be here to set everything up with us.”

I just nod, too tired to ask questions. Harper looks me over once and puts her hand on her hip, “You should really get dressed.”

I look down at my sweats, “Yeah, I’ll go do that.”

Harper shakes her head, “You go get dressed and I’ll start setting up.”

“Okay,” I say, walking up the stairs.

I go to my closet and try to figure out what’s appropriate to wear to a surprise party. I take out a few dresses lying them on the bed and take one by one, holding them up against me and looking in the mirror.

“Morning sunshine.”

I don’t jump this time as I glare at him, “Surprise party?”

Damien just shrugs.

“You don’t think you could have told me all this last night?”

He grins, “I could have but what fun would that have been?”

“Does God know that you harass people?”

“Do you know what you’re going to wear because I don’t think you’re supposed to go out with it around your neck.”

I remove the hanger holding up the dress from my neck and put it down on the bed, “So what exactly is this party for anyway?”

“What do you think you have a surprise party for?” he responds.

“Don’t be a smart ass alright? I’m really tired and incapable of setting up a surprise party for someone I don’t even know. Anything you want to throw in would be appreciated.”

“It’s his birthday.”

I sigh, “Great. I don’t even have anything for the guy.”

Damien points to the closet, “Bag in the corner.”

I rummage through the closet and sure enough I pull out a bag neatly decorated. I look up, “What is it?”

“It’s a gift.”

“No, really smart ass?”

“Watch out, you never know when I might decide to take that attitude with you.”

“What about a card? Every gift comes with a card.”

“You are so demanding sometimes,” he says laughing, “Hold out your hands.”

I put my hands out, palms up and with a spark of light a card appears in my hands, “Could you do that for everything?”

“What do you mean?”

“Say I wanted a car or money or something, all you have to do is wave your hands and you get what you want?”

Damien scowls, “I’m not a genie. You don’t get three wishes if that’s what your asking. I’m supposed to only to what is good for the person.”

“But what if getting me money is good for me?”

“The red one.”

I frown, “What?”

“The dress. Wear the red one.”

I turn back around but he’s disappeared. Again.

I slip into the red dress and slink downstairs with the package as Harper has set up everything around the house and the caterers lay out the food. Piper smiles as she sees me, “Much better.”

I smile and pull the dress down, “You think?”

“Mmm, Justin will love it.”

I try to smile as I look around and stop at the cake. I gaze at how enormous it is and feel a shiver go down by back, “Uh Harper, how many people are going to be here?”

“About one fifty. You should know, you invited them.”

“One fifty? As in one hundred and fifty people. In this house?”

Harper looks at me surprised, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

The doorbell rings and Piper smiles, “See, some people know how to use the doorbell. I’ll get it,” she says, breezing by me.

I back myself up against as wall as steams of people start to flow through the house, most of them coming up to me and hugging me to death. I try my best not to freak out but I go stiff as each one greets me. I don’t know these people and it’s a lot to take in.

Within a few minutes the house is filled with people and there is no escape. People are casually coming up to me and trying to strike up conversations but I just excuse myself after too long because I have nothing to say. I’m cursing out Damien in my head. I’ll give him good luck. Good luck my ass.

Harper comes running into the room, “He’s coming, everybody hide!”

Someone hits the lights and we all duck. I’m tempted to stay in this position even after Justin comes in but he is the only person I really know here, if you can even call it that.

I hear the door open and my heart starts to pound. A few seconds later anyone in the room can clearly hear Justin and Trace’s footsteps getting closer until finally Harper looks over at me and smiles. I take a deep breath and the lights go on, sending the people in the room shooting up from their hiding places, “Surprise!”

Justin looks shocked as people move as one over to him in one large embrace. I’m the only one who lingers behind as they tell him how much they love him and happy birthday. He seems pleased and pleasantly surprised as he looks through the crowds of people, “I can’t believe you guys did this.”

Harper laughs, “It wasn’t us, it was your girlfriend.”

Before I can move Justin reaches out from the crowd and grabs my arm, pulling me towards him, “Of course it was.”

He stares at me contently and despite myself I feel slightly comforted. I haven’t had a guy look at me like that ever. Sure, I’ve seen elderly men walking with their wives in the park or a couple eating at a restaurant who occasionally had that look but I have never once been the recipient of it.

Justin leans in, grabbing onto my face and kissing me. I start to blush as I hear people whistling and pull away instantly, smiling a little but quickly moving away.

I see the candles on the cake as the caterers light them and Piper comes up behind me, “Great party.”

I mumble something as everyone collectively starts to sing happy birthday and watch Justin blow out the candles. Everyone cheers and the cake begins to be cut and handed out to people.

I watch in awe of the sheer number of bodies in the room. I haven’t known this many people in my whole life let alone just the people who could make it here for a party. What kind of person knows this many people?

________________________________________________________________________

The last person files out of the house, leaving a trail of garbage in their wake. I close the door and relax. As much fun as it is to see everyone it’s always nice when everyone goes home. I’m surrounded by people most of the time and while it’s fun, there is only one person I want to spend time with right about now.

I see Alana over in the corner sitting in a chair. Her legs are curled up underneath her, her hair casually falling out of her bun. I move closer to her, “You really surprised me.”

“That’s why they call it a surprise party.”

I chuckle, leaning down and rubbing her back slowly. She looks up at me for a moment before reexamining her hand.

“I didn’t open your gift yet, I wanted to wait for everyone to leave.”

Ally points over to the package hidden underneath the table, “It’s over there.”

I remove the bag and take the tissue paper out to reveal a song book. I open it to see every song I ever wrote when we were together, bound with a leather cover.

“Wow.”

Ally looks over at me and hands me an envelope. I take it from her hand and tear it open, removing the card and reading it:

To the greatest guy in the whole world. No matter how rocky these last few months have been, you’ll always be my baby.

Love,

Ally.

I close the card and glance over at her, “I love you too.”

Ally stands up, “I’m really tired, I’m just going to go to bed.”

I grab her by the waist, “I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

I laugh, rubbing her waist, “I’ve really missed you.”

She squirms a little as I tug her closer to my chest. I lean in and kiss her neck but she pulls away, “I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

Ally lets a blush rise in her cheeks, “I have my period.”

Damn. That’s one way to shoot it down.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she says simply, pulling away and walking up the stairs.

"Are we going to talk?" I call after her.

"Later," she responds.

In Ally world that could be never. Not that I'm going to let that stop me it just means I'm going to have to corner her or handcuff her to me.

With my chances of having sex shot to hell, I take my leftover glass of champagne, downing it.

____________________________________________________________________

I wonder if lying is going to make God keep me here longer. Okay, so it may not be my time of the month but I sure as hell wasn’t going to have sex with him. Other than those who are in that business are so drunk they would go home with a garden tool, no woman wants to have sex with someone she doesn’t know.

I lie down on the bed and pull the covers up like a shield once again.

“Have fun at the party?”

“No.”

Damien crosses his legs, eating a piece of cake from downstairs.

“Can you gain weight?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I hate you.”

He winks, “He was trying to get closer to you.”

“No kidding.”

“You felt it.”

“Felt what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Alana. He’s charming isn’t he?”

“He’s okay.”

Damien puts his plate down, “Some things will return in time so you’ll just randomly know things. Like tonight.”

I bite my tongue, remembering the images that started to scroll through my mind while at the party. Standing behind a curtain as Justin preformed, rolling around in the grass with him, crying as we fought over something. The emotions from it caused be to suck in a breathe, having felt it crash into me at the time.

“Remember, this is a learning experience.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re not living it.”

“No, but you did.”

He blows into his hands and opens them to reveal a picture I haven’t seen since I was a teenage. I carefully take it from him, “Where did you get this?”

“Night Ally.”

And I’m left holding onto a piece of me I thought I lost a long time ago.

I’m awakened to an incessant ringing next to my head. I open my eyes and reach for the phone, picking it up, “Hello?”

“They know.”

I hate how people assume I know who they are. Don’t tell me, I’ll just play twenty questions, “Who is this?”

“Johnny Alana. What’s wrong with you? Put Justin on.”

I roll over, stretching and lightly tapping on his head, “It’s for you.”

Justin picks up the phone at his side, “Hello?”

Within seconds he shoots up from the bed and swears loudly, “You have got to be fucking kidding me. How did they find out?”

Justin gets up and starts to pace around the room, rubbing his hands up and down his head, “What would you like us to do? It’s not the end of the world you know. By now in my career they shouldn’t care.”

I sit up myself and try to piece everything together but since I’m only getting bits of the conversation it’s harder. Finally Justin hangs up and throws the phone onto the bed, sighing as he sinks down onto the mattress, “They know.”

“Who knows what?”

Justin smiles at me sympathetically, “The media. They know about us.”

“Okay…” I mutter, totally lost. If I could find out were dating from every website on the planet why would they be surprised about us?

“Listen, we are going to have to do some damage control on this one. I know how much you wanted to avoid this but we just have to do a few pictures, maybe an interview. On the bright side, you’re top news,” he says chuckling as he leans in and kisses me.

The second he’s in the bathroom I hope on the computer and gasp for air as the home page pops up with the headline, “Secret Marriage for Justin Timberlake. Justin and his longtime girlfriend and producer Alana have secretly tied the knot in a beach in Maui around last month. Reports have been confined by Timberlake’s reps who have no other comments than to say that the happy couple is doing fine.”

Oh hell no. I stand up and put a brown paper bag against my mouth, taking deep breathes at a time. I grab onto my chest, “Damien!”

A familiar tune plays and I frown as I turn around to see Damien and “here comes the bride” playing from a music box, “Do you think you are funny?”

Damien shuts the box and chuckles, “A little.”

“Married?”

“You need a bag for that?”

I toss the bag to the side, “It’s not funny. I am not married.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I cannot be married. I don’t know the person I’m married to.”

“Neither do people who get married in Vegas. They wake up to a total surprise.”

I glare at him, “You are not funny. What kind of sense of humor do you have anyway?”

Damien starts to laugh hard and I can’t help but roll my eyes, “Seriously, you don’t think that this is something you should have told me?”

“No.”

“Then you are as stupid as you look,” I mumble.

“I heard that,” he adds, spinning me around to face the mirror. He waves his hand at the mirror and I’m looking at myself and Justin on a beach with some people, a few I recognize like Piper and Justin. I’m in a white dress and bare feet as I walk over to Justin.

I can hear us recite our vows and I quickly turn around, “I don’t want to watch.”

“Why not?”

I just shake my head, “I don’t want to.”

“So how does it feel to be a married woman?”

“Like it felt to be dumped here. I want out.”

“Can’t do that.”

I pull my hair up into a bun and put my hands on my hips, “You can do anything you want and all I’m asking is to go back. I’m sleeping next to a guy I don’t know, meeting people who feel like they live here and now I find out I’m married.”

Damien picks up the picture he brought me, “Like your parents?” he asks, holding it up. I used to lay by my mother’s old dresser and fantasize about wearing a white dress like the one my mother was wearing. I would play with her perfume bottles and pretend it was me. That I was just as glamorous as my mother looked in that photo.

I snatch the picture away from him, “My mother walked out on me.”

“Like you walked out on your dad?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You might want to rethink some of your opinions young lady. After all, celibacy in a marriage is always in bad taste.”

I throw a pillow at him, “Talk about a dirty mouth.”

Damien just smirks, “I’m not interested in your sex life believe me. I’m just trying to lighten your mood. It’s always hard in situations like these.”

I lean on my elbows, looking up at him, “How many people have you done this to?”

Damien shrugs, “Enough to make a difference.”

“So what happens after I figure out what I have to find out?”

“Everything will go back to the way it was before I interrupted your life.”

“So all I have to do is figure this whole thing out and I can go home?”

Damien nods and I sigh, “I don’t suppose I could get a hint?”

“Nope.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Depends on what it is.”

"Can't you read my mind?"

"Don't be a smart ass. I just like you to actaully form the words."

I smile, “Why didn’t we just tell everyone we got married and I wouldn’t be hyperventilating here now?”

Damien flashes his hands over the mirror and I see news networks in every corner, reporting the news, “Because it would have been a media frenzy. The other thing was it was a spur of the moment thing. Some of his friends didn't know, that's why he didn't say anything at the party.”

He leans over and touches my head as I close my eyes and see myself and Justin on the beach together, laughing as Justin looks at me, “Why don’t we just get married?”

A stunned look on my face appears, “Are you insane?”

Justin leans down and kisses me, “I love you. We’ve been together so long I know I won’t ever be without you. Let’s get married.”

What surprises me is the look of fear on my face as I say yes. I look unsure, somewhat similar to the look I had on my face minutes ago as I tried to breathe, “I look nervous.”

“You were.”

“Was it the right thing to do?”

Damien puts his hand on my shoulder and I open my eyes, “Only you can figure that out.”

I plop down on the bed, “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

He stand up and starts to glow a little, “I have to go now.”

“You’re going to leave me? Can’t you just stay for a little while?”

“Alana, you’re going to do fine. Don’t worry.”

Damien disappears just as Justin comes out of the bathroom. He removes his towel and I turn around quickly. My cheeks burn and I hide my face in my hands. Damn.

“You know, we can finally get you that ring you wanted now that everybody knows.”

I just nod along as he talks. Justin must have closed the dresser because I jump at the noise of it shutting. I carefully turn around to see him getting his shirt on, “You want to go out for lunch?”

“Go out for lunch?”

“Yeah, just you and me.”

“Sure, I guess. If you want to.”

“Cool. Get dressed and we’ll go out.”

I reluctantly nod and wait until he leaves to get ready. I put some jeans and a sweater on and head downstairs to see Justin ready with the keys, “Let’s go.”

I follow him out to the car and get in, letting him drive to wherever we are going. I lean my head on the window and watch the cars go by. I feel his hand slide onto my knee and inwardly pretend it’s not there.

When Justin pulls over to this dirt parking lot I wonder what his idea of going out is. I get out of the car and follow him to this little trailer that sells hotdogs and hamburgers with some picnic tables near it and a lake down a little further. He orders us two hotdogs and some French fries, handing me mine and walking down closer to the water. Since it’s winter it’s a little chilly but in LA there is no snow. At least not in this part of California.

“Crazy way to start the day huh?”

I nod, “You have no idea.”

He turns to me, “Look Ally, I know this isn’t what you had in mind when I asked you to marry me and I know you weren’t sure about getting married especially when I was on tour for it but now I’m home. We can be the kind of married couple my grandparents were you know?”

“That’s what you want?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah. I mean my parents didn’t work out and I know you weren’t too thrilled about the whole marriage thing. I don’t pretend not to be totally unaware that’s the reason you’re a little on guard lately. But we can make it work.”

Right. We have a whole one in two shot at it, “It takes real work.”

“I know, but I’m willing to do that Ally. I’m home so we can make this thing stick. It’s you and me Al.”

The thought has a way of making me even more queasy than this morning, “Well that’s certainly something.”

He pulls out a box from his pocket and hands me it, “This is for you. I know I promised you a ring so I picked these out for you a while ago.”

I open the box to see two beautiful rings. I slip them on my finger, flashing back and remembering how my mother could slide them off her finger so easily and put them in my father’s hand, “There beautiful.”

“Just like you,” he adds, “Piper helped picked them out.”

I take another bite of my hotdog, chewing slowly, “She’s sweet like that.”

“Trace said to get something bigger but I thought I knew you well enough to get those. You used to say that-”

“I never wanted anything that would get caught in my hair,” I remember suddenly.

“Right,” he says smiling, “nothing that would be too big. You know, that was the thing that always struck me about you. You completely ignored me the first time you met me, remember?”

“Yeah,” I say, remembering him coming into the room, shaking my hands. I recollect a more smug grin on his face and wanting to knock him on his ass.

“You were just what I needed Ally. You always have been, you keep me grounded.”

I bite my lip, “Why do you love me?”

Justin laughs a little, “Where do I start? I love the way you smile, the way your incessant need to clean makes me laugh, the way you just love me no matter what. I just do.”

“And you think that’s enough to make something like this last?”

“Look, I know what your mother put you and your dad through, but we are not your parents. You are not your mother. You’re a completely different person.”

“It used to scare me that I would turn into her.”

Justin kisses my neck, “You don’t have anything in common with her except her looks. And thank God for that.”

I elbow him playfully and realize for the first time it’s not so uncomfortable, “Lunch was a good idea.”

He smiles, “I figured something out of the way before the media frenzy sets in might be a good idea.”

I pull my jacket around my arms to keep the chill out but he’s too quick, wrapping himself around me. I look up as he rests comfortably on me and realize that maybe being here isn’t the worst thing in the world. Married. I guess this is going to be one hell of a ride.

This has not been a good week at all. Why God felt the need to screw with my life is a mystery to me but it’s not funny. Justin and I aren’t really… working out as well as I would like it to have. Why you might ask? Well God decided to invent sex. And then he made sex really enjoyable. Then he made men. Men love sex. I blame the whole male race. And maybe God because without him I wouldn’t be here, stuck in this mess.

I watch Justin play on the guitar, humming something along with the tune. His inability to get much out of me has led him to pound his frustration out on the guitar. Harper sits at the table with me, looking at the TV that is pounding out the breaking news of our marriage. It’s been a week, you think they would be over it by now.

“So now that everything’s out are you guys talking about kids?”

I choke on my water and shake my head emphatically, “No way.”

Harper laughs, “I was just kidding. We always try to give Justin a heart attack.”

“You’re going to give me one.”

She plays with the cup in front of her, “You’ve been acting a little weird lately.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Or it could be you’re not thrilled about being married.”

I look over at Harper and back into the living room to make sure Justin can’t hear what we are saying, “Why would you say that?”

“You are normally all over him and since you guys got married you haven’t quite been as affectionate as usual.”

I put my head in my hand, “I guess it just threw me off a little.”

Harper puts her hand out to mine, “I know it’s hard to be tied down to one person for the rest of your life but it’s Justin. He loves you and you love him.”

“I know, that’s what they say.”

The music stops playing and we both shut up as Justin comes in and takes a water bottle out of the fridge. Harper stands and picks her purse up, “I’m going to get going. I’ll see you two love birds later.”

Justin rolls his eyes and waves at her as she leaves. I feel bad because I like him and all, just not enough to sleep with him. Which is what happened last night when he tried to get some. To summarize what happened without vocalizing everything we said to one another, it ended with him sleeping on the couch pissed off.  He sits down across from me and jots a few things down on a piece of paper.

“Hey you.”

He ignores me as he takes a sip of his water. I shift in my seat uncomfortably, “Are you ever going to talk to me again?”

“Are you ever going to tell me why you won’t sleep with me? Did I do something wrong, something you didn’t like?”

It looks like it physically hurts him to ask that. I feel sympathetic for him because that certainly couldn’t have been a easy question to ask. I lick my lips, “It’s not you.”

“Oh great, are you going to break up with me next?”

“Do you hear yourself? You are getting pissed just because I don’t want to have sex. Believe me, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It’s a big deal Ally. I know when you get married that your sex life is supposed to diminish but for fucking sake I didn’t think it would end cold turkey.”

I hold my head with my hands as a headache starts to pound over my eyes, “Stop yelling at me!”

“Well I don’t know what you want me to do!” he says, still raising his voice.

“I don’t want you to do anything,” I argue.

“Then what is it because I’m really confused here,” he asks, somewhat exasperated with me.  

I close my eyes, “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s not what I’m looking for here Ally,” he says, getting up.

I reach out for him, “I’m sorry okay?”

He stops when my hand touches him, “Sorry? I don’t want you to be sorry.”

Justin turns around and takes a step closer, putting his hand on my chest, “You don’t even like me touching you Ally. I’m not stupid, I just figured you were readjusting to me being home. Now I don’t know what to think.”

My heart pounds underneath his hand, “I just need a little space right now.”

“We’ve never needed space before Alana. I thought I just gave you space by being on tour and you were the one calling me every night telling me this is not how you start off a marriage.”

His eyes are gray. That’s the thing that struck me first. His eyes. They are blue when he’s happy, indigo when he wants me and gray when he’s upset.

“Maybe I’m just changing. Adjusting to married life.”

“It’s been like this since I got home. Are you rethinking this marriage?”

Of course I’m rethinking it. I didn’t get to actually think it the first time around.

“Justin…”

He pulls away, “I knew it Ally. We’ve been together for years and you pull this shit on me?”

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Too bad Ally. This isn’t something you just bring up and then expect everything to be fine. Gee Justin, this marriage isn’t really working now lets go watch TV together.”

I groan and get up, storming out of the room. I’ve had it with this whole arrangement, “Damien!”

He doesn’t come out and I yell again, “Damien get out here now!”

Justin comes into the room and frowns, “What the hell are you doing? Who is Damien?”

I hold up one finger, “Damien I need you right about now.”

“Are you cheating on me?” he asks, sounding unsure whether he actually wants to know.

“No,” I insist.

I turn back around to see Damien, “What are you doing Ally?”

“You have to tell him,” I argue.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.”

Justin takes a step back, “Who are you talking to Ally?”

“Damien tell him.”

“Alana this is for you, not for him,” he reminds me, looking concerned. At least for an angel whose always grinning at me obnoxiously.

“I can’t do this, you have to tell him.”

I feel Justin come up behind me and touch my shoulders, “Alana are you alright?”

I turn around, “I’m not Alana. Or at least your Alana.”

He stares at me, “Have you been drinking? Because you don’t really drink and I’m thinking that maybe you have overdone it a little in the heat of the moment.”

I feel a tear run down my cheek at pure exhaustion, “Help me.”

“Help you what baby?” he says, brushing the tear from my cheek with his thumb.

My tear hits the floor and I melt into him, “I can’t do this anymore. It’s just not working out and I want to go home,” I sob into his shirt.

“Who’s that?”

I look up at Justin, “Who?”

Justin points, “The guys sitting on the table grinning.”

I turn around to see where Justin’s pointing, “Oh my God.”

Damien’s eyes widen, “You can see me?”

Justin holds on to my shoulders, “Can I help you?”

“That’s Damien,” I say, pulling away from him.

Justin backs up, “What the hell is going on here?”

I take his hand, “He’s an angel. A real angel with wings,” I turn back around, “at least I think that he does. Sometimes I think he’s from the devil but that’s a whole ‘nother story.”

“Okay, now I know you’ve been drinking.”

I turn around, “Tell him Damien.”

Damien sighs, “I don’t know why this is happening Ally.”

“Just do it,” I insist.

“I’m an angel,” Damien says, standing up.

“I think we established that with the whole wing thing.”

Damien throws me a dirty look, “Not funny Ally. You’re getting your way so can I please finish me explanation if you don’t mind.”

I frown, “Fine. Just know that you do tend to go on with your explanations without telling anyone anything constructive.”

Justin laughs nervously, “Okay, jokes over. You guys aren’t funny.”

“And this is a glimpse of what could have been if Alana had taken a different path in life,” Damien finishes, staring up at the ceiling. After a moment he nods and smiles like the day I met him. This is not a good sign let me tell you.

“I’m really confused,” Justin says, looking at me.

“This,” I say gesturing to the house, “isn’t real. This isn’t really how my life turned out. This is what could have happened if I did something different in my life.”

Justin frowns, “You’re acting crazy Ally.”

“I’m telling you the truth. I swear.”

Damien smiles, “You know, I’ve never had this happen before in my career but Justin, you are going to get a glimpse too.”

Justin holds his hands up, “What are you talking about?” he asks, getting nervous, “This is getting really weird.”

Damien reaches out and takes my hand, “Alana is getting the chance to see how her life would have turned out if she had done something different and it was supposed to be for her, but I just got redirected. How would you like to see your life the way it really is?”

He frowns, “What do you mean the way it really is? This is my life.”

“This is not your life. This is Ally’s life. Your life is in another world. The way it is when you never met Ally.”

Justin looks at me and back to Damien, “Are you serious? Is this real?”

Damien nods, “This is very real.”

Justin looks unconvinced, “You’re kidding.”

Damien waves his hand and knocks the vase next to him over. It starts to fall and Damien waves his hands again, freezing the vase mid air. Justin stares and carefully moves over to the vase, putting his hand underneath it and waving it back and forth, “Oh shit.”

“This is real,” I say, moving closer to Justin.”

“So I’m going to see what my life would have been?” he asks, still trying to touch the vase.

Damien nods, “You’re life turns out quite differently when Ally isn’t in the picture.”

He looks at me, “I don’t meet Ally in my life?”

Damien shakes his head, “You don’t even know she exists. Your life will have some things that would have happened regardless of Ally and some that never would have if she wasn’t with you.”

I turn to Damien, “Are you telling me we are going back to my life?”

“Only for a day, so Justin can see what his life is like. Then you are back here to figure out the reason this all happened to you.”

I sigh, “I guess it’s better than nothing right?” I reason, realizing I’ll be getting a small break from my “quest” for the reason I’m here.

Damien squeezes my hand, “Be careful what you wish for Alana,” he warns, “Alright, grab him and let’s go.”

“Do you have wings? I mean I’ve never seen them or anything and I would think that if you were an angel you would have wings.”

Damien rolls his eyes, “You and your attention span. You really could drive someone to drink.”

I reach out for Justin to see him pull away from me for the first time. It’s kind of weird which surprises me but I grab his hand again before he can pull away as we start to spin. I’m already expecting what’s going to happen but obviously Justin couldn’t even fathom what’s coming next as he squeezes my hand.

Everything spins around me as we fall. I don’t scream this time since I know I’m not going to die and allow myself just to let go. I feel something soft and close my eyes. The ride has just begun.

I open my eyes groggily and push myself up on the bed. This is all too familiar and I realize I’m back in my apartment. I look to my side and see Justin waking up as well. He opens his eyes hesitantly and holds his head as he sits up, “I had the weirdest dream.”

“It’s not quite a dream,” I respond.

Justin opens his eyes fully and looks around, “Where the hell am I?”

“My apartment. In reality,” I add.

Justin pulls the thin blanket around himself, “It’s freezing in here.”

“That’s because they turned my heat off.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Why?”

“I haven’t paid my rent in two months.”

“Are you serious?” he asks like he’s never heard of such a thing.

I get up and tug a sweatshirt I’ve had since high school on, “I’m between jobs at the moment.”

I watch as he surveys the apartment with a little shock mingled in with distaste. I never really thought about it in terms of that but after having spent some time at Justin’s palace in the sky I have to agree. His eyes come back to me and I give him a small smile. He licks his lips, “You don’t know me do you?”

“No,” I say sympathetically.

“So all that time we spent together and you had no idea who I was?” he asks, sounding a little betrayed.

“No, I mean I know who you were after I looked you up, I just don’t know you personally.”

He looks confused, “So you’re not really Alana?”  

“I am, I just don’t remember you. Damien said that things are coming to me that will fill in the gaps. I remember some stuff, but not enough to really feel like it was my life.”

Justin nods rather solemnly as he looks at me, “What happened to your hair?”

I glance in the mirror over my shoulder and realize I have six inches more hair than I had before I fell asleep, “This is what I look like here in this world.”

“This is so weird,” Justin comments.

All my clothes are back which mostly consists of stuff I’ve had for at least eight years. I get up and follow Justin around the apartment, not that there is much to look at. He goes into the kitchen slash living room slash dinning room and opens the fridge. He looks at me then back to the fridge, “There is nothing in here.”

“Yeah, I haven’t really gotten to the shopping.”

“You live a very eventful life,” he says closing the fridge.

“Not all of us were born to be superstars.”

Justin pauses, putting his hands in his pockets, “The guy said that in this life we don’t even know each other.”

“We don’t. In fact, I had never even heard of you until this whole thing happened to me.”

“Why did this happen to you. To us,” he corrects himself.

I sit down on the couch, “I was complaining about my life when my heat was turned off.”

“Who could blame you,” Justin says, opening the cabinets to see no food.

“So Damien appeared and told me he was going to allow me to see what my life would have been if I had done something different.”

“What did you do different?”

I laugh, “If I knew that you would be you right now and I would be back here without you. If you can help me figure that out everything can go back to the way it was.”

Justin leans against the counter, “But I don’t know how my life is. All I know… is us.”

I bite my lip, “Maybe we could find out.”

“How?”

I shrug, “Damien said it was for you too now. I would imagine this is going to involve you.”

“You really don’t know me?” he asks, more out of desperation.

“Sorry,” I offer.

He sighs, “Don’t be sorry. I understand you more know. The stuff you did.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

  “It’s fine. You and I don’t really exist right?” he says, taking a deep breath.

“Right,” I respond.

“Then there’s nothing to be sorry for Ally.”

I nod and look down at my hand for the first time. Everything else is the same except for that one thing, “The rings.”

“What?”

I remove the rings from my finger, “Your rings, they are still here.”

Justin stares at me, “Keep them.”

I look up at him, “Are you sure?”

He shrugs, “All this isn’t real. Just keep them.”

I remove the chain from around my neck and slide the rings on them, securing it and letting it fall down between my breasts, “I’ll just keep them on a chain for now.”

“What now?”

Suddenly Damien appears, “How are my two favorite people?”

“Confused,” Justin remarks.

“I take it you’ve filled him in,” Damien interrupts.

“Yeah, were are not sure where to go from here.”

“Down to the arena of course.”

I frown, “What?”

“You two are late for the arena. I suggest you get yourselves over there now.”

“The Regional arena? That’s twenty minutes from here.”

“So?” Justin says.

“Says the guy whose used to having things. For those of us who don’t have money, we also lack transportation.”

“But he doesn’t,” Damien adds, pointing out the window.

Justin and I get up and look out to see his Cadillac parked on the street, “Thank God,” he mutters.

“But what do we do when we get there?” I ask and turn around to see Damien gone. Figures.

“Come on, let’s go,” Justin says, reaching into his pocket and pulls out keys.

I grab my jacket and run outside with Justin and climb into the car, pushing the address into the GPS system as Justin drives. I put my seatbelt on and lean back against the seat, “This must be something to do with you.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

I turn to him, “Sure.”

“Were you excited to see what your life would have been like?”

I pause, thinking about it, “No, not really. Does anyone want to see something they can’t have? It’s like saying if you invested in this stock you would have made a billion dollars but because you didn’t, you know shuffle along the street. It’s not fun.”

“What do you think my life is like?”

“I don’t know.”

“This is so cool,” Justin says, stepping on the gas.

I wonder what his life is like.

________________________________________________________________________

We pull up to the arena and we go through security, nothing that is unknown to me. We park the car and we both get out, going through the gated areas into the arena. People buzz around us and as we get closer, posters cover the walls with the word LOVESTONED plastered all over it with my picture.

Lovestoned?

“Hey man where have you been?”

Both Alana and I turn around to see Trace coming towards us, “Nowhere man,” I say, slapping him on the back.

“Whose the girl,” he asks, looking at Ally.

“It’s Ally,” I say, realizing just what that means to him. Nothing.

“Hi Ally,” he says, shaking her hand carefully all the while eyeing her up and down. He disapproves, I can tell instantly. Probably because of her clothes. A little makeup, decent outerwear and a haircut would solve everything.

He pulls me to the side and hisses in my ear, “Don’t you think this will upset Jessica?”

“Jessica who?”

“Funny man but she’ll kick your ass for that comment. You know how she feels about the whole casually dating thing.”

I look back at Ally who seems so insecure about the whole environment. God, she still has the same habits in this world. Biting her thumb nail.

Someone comes over to me and places cd’s at my side, “This is for you to sign,” he mutters, stretching his back and walking off.

I look in the box and pick up a cd, “Lovestoned. I made this,” I say in awe, holding one up for Ally to see.

She nods silently, somewhat confused, “Okay…”

“Ally, I’ve never made this cd before.”

“Oh,” she says quietly, moving closer to see the thing in my hand.

Suddenly I feel hands come up behind me and kiss my neck, “Hey you.”

I turn around to see a brunette who lunges for my lips before I can get one word out. I’m lost for a moment as she crashes against me before pulling away, “Where have you been?”

I clear my throat and try to speak but I’m at a loss for words. Trace comes up and saves my ass as usual, “He was just hanging out with me.”

“Whose that,” the girl says, gesturing behind me.

I turn around to see Ally backing up slowly from us, “Oh that’s just…”

“A friend,” she finishes.

“Yeah Jess, chill,” Trace says.

Jess must be Jessica. Ally holds out her hand to Jessica and they shake hands firmly. Trace steers me away from the two of them, “Alright dude, are we going out to celebrate your multi platinum success or what?”

I stand there floored, “Are you serious?”

Jessica laughs, “You’re so modest Jay.”

I laugh too as I’m surrounded by dancers all at once. Someone brings in champagne and pops the cork, letting the liquid fly everywhere as people yell. Trace grabs a couple of glasses, handing one to me and one to Jessica.

“Cheers to the most successful singer out there,” Jessica proposes.

“And the most arrogant son of a bitch who gets laid more than the rest of us,” Trace adds, nudging Jessica with his elbow.

I let it all take me over and smile, sipping the champagne, “Thanks guys.”

It’s only when I turn around that I notice Ally is gone. I look around for her but Jessica grabs my arm, “Come on, let’s go party.”

I take one last look for Ally but assume she must just be in the crowd and allow Jessica to lead me to the party. What a change.

________________________________________________________________________

What was I thinking? I barely fit into his life as his wife let alone some random girl just hanging out near him. I lean against the truck, wondering what to do with myself. I could go home, but I have no money. I can’t take Justin’s truck because it’s not mine nor do I have the keys and finally I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here.

“Having fun Alana?”

I turn around and roll my eyes, “No.”

“Why not?”

I shrug, “I just want to be alone alright?”

He smiles. God I just want to wipe that stupid grin off his face.

“Ally, I can read your mind.”

“Then stop grinning at me alright?”

“Why shouldn’t I? This is what you wanted remember? I’m just carrying out what you demanded.”

“I didn’t realize it would be like this,” I say, falling to the ground.

“Like what?”

“Like this,” I say, gesturing around me, “all alone.”

“You were the one who was uncomfortable with Justin. You felt that if you told him it would make everything easier.”

I bite my lip, cursing, “I didn’t realize that his life was so much better without me in it. This changes everything. He’s going to know from now on that I was the thing holding him back. He won’t treat me the same.”

Damien sinks down next to me, “Why do you say that?”

“Did you see how happy he was in there? He made a whole ‘nother album when I wasn’t around. He has a girlfriend that looks like she could be on TV.”

“She was.”

I put my head in my hands, “Not helpful.”

“Sorry, he says, putting his arm around me. I sigh, “I really do fuck up people’s lives. I don’t suppose you could just make it like it was?”

“Nope.”

“I can apologize for ever complaining about my life. This is so much worse.”

“It’s not about that Alana.”

“Then what is it about?” I ask rhetorically.

“You know I can’t tell you.”

I let a single tear slip down my cheek, “He’s better off here isn’t he?”

“Ally just because there are some things in this life he likes doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be things he misses.”

I lean my head on his shoulder, “I’m surprised God even bothers with me.”

Damien just squeezes me shoulder, “Would you like me to wait here with you until Justin gets done?”

I nod pitifully, “Yeah. How long have you got?”

"I've got all the time in the world."

I sit there watching him as he finishes his conversation with the hundredth person in the last hour. There is something kind of unreal about being here, mostly because I guess the people we are in reality are not the people we could have been. I’m not saying that he should pay attention to me; I’m not really anything to him. Yet… alright fine I’ll say it, I miss him. But it’s just because I don’t have any friends here in reality. You really can’t if you keep moving around from place to place.

Justin finally comes over with the biggest smile on his face and pulls the keys out of his pocket, holding them up in victory, “Can you believe my life?”

I smile, “It’s amazing. No matter what world you’re in somehow everything just falls into place for you.”

“Yeah but I’m so much more successful here. I’m a whole album ahead here. Plus, it turns out that I have won grammys for it. As in multiple. Do you know how big that is in the music world? I’m accepted here.”

What am I supposed to say to that? That’s great and all but what about me? What about what we had? I suppose this is what I wanted. God sometimes I just want everything to stop and stand still just until I can catch my bearings. I shift in my seat and stare out the window long enough to realize we are going the wrong way, “Where are we going?”

“Back to my house.”

“What about my apartment?”

“Back to no heat and no food? I don’t think so,” he chuckles.

I drum my fingers against the leather interior of the car, “But it’s mine. What am I supposed to do?”

“Come with me of course. I’m not about to let you starve to death. Besides, we are in this together right?” he asks, looking at me for the first time since we got here.

“Right,” I murmur.

“Besides, if we separate it will be harder for Damien.”

“What about Jessica? Won’t she care you’re letting me stay with you?”

“Naw, it’s nor for long right? Besides, it’s not like were going to be sleeping in the same bed anymore.”

“Yeah, no worry on that one,” I say.

We pull up to his house and at least I’m familiar with it. I wait for Justin to unlock the door and we go in. A few steps into the house reveal a whole new house than what I was in just yesterday. It’s not furnished and there are boxes lying everywhere, seemingly things that belong to the house and have yet to be put away. The only thing that is set up in the whole house as I look around is a giant TV, a couch in front of it and a playstation 3 hooked up to the screen. A total bachelor pad.

Justin looks around and shrugs, “Guess I never got around to unpacking.”

“Guess not.”

He licks his lips and smiles, “I suppose we should probably order pizza for dinner.”

“I’m not hungry,” I respond.

“Okay, well you’re welcome to look around. See what’s the same and what’s not.”

I nod, “I’m going to go check out the guest bedroom. Maybe get it ready if it’s not done.”

“Great,” he responds. He doesn’t even look my way as I head up the stairs.

________________________________________________________________________

How lucky am I? I just can’t get over the changes in this life. My life. Everything has just fallen into place for me.

“So you think that’s it huh?”

I turn around to see Damien sitting on the counter, “Hi,” I say surprised.

“At the risk of repeating myself, you think this is it?”

“I think this is what?”

“What God sent you here to figure out?”

I can’t help but smile, “Well yeah. I don’t know if you know but I’m really successful here. I mean, I’ve one grammys.”

Damien laughs, “I know everything.”

“It’s a great life,” I say proudly.

“Fame comes with it’s ups and downs. However, this is not what you’re supposed to find out Justin.”

“Sure it is. Look at all the stuff I have compared to what I would have had.”

Damien hops off the counter, “Well you’re on the right track.”

“Believe me I know. I just have to get a few details finished and it’s all perfect,” I say, putting a box from the floor onto the table in the kitchen.

“Ally.”

I raise my eyebrows, “Excuse me?”

Damien points to the box, “The reason the house isn’t done is because Ally did it for you. Here, obviously she didn’t.”

“Oh.”

He opens a drawer and suddenly silverware appear in it. He takes out a knife and takes a apple from a bowl on the counter, cutting off a piece and eating it, “You’re only going to be here for a short time before I send you two back. Ally needs to figure out what she needs to know.”

“But I like it here,” I protest.”

Damien just looks at me with something I can’t read scrawled across his face, “Don’t worry. This is reality, after Ally figures everything out you won’t have any memory of this. Of any life or any one other than what exists in reality.”

“So I won’t know Ally?”

Damien shakes his head, “Nope.”

“And I won’t remember…”

“You two together?” he finishes. It sounds so final in a odd kind of way.

“Yeah.”

“You’ll remember nothing.”

“What about Ally?”

“Ally will remember. This is her gift.”

“So what was the point of showing me this?” I ask confused.

Damien smiles, “Because in the world that Ally would have had, you always had one question on your mind. You know what I’m talking about.”

All too well, “Yeah, I remember.”

“This is your way to find out. Maybe you won’t remember, but at least you’ll have peace, even if you’re not sure what about.”

I frown, “That’s kind of a weird thought.”

“That’s life.”

Before I can say anything back, Trace comes through the door and Damien disappears.

“Hey dude, great party huh?”

I nod, still wondering where Damien goes to. One second he’s here and the next he’s not, “Yeah it was great.”

“So are we going out to the club tonight or what?”

“No, Ally and I are ordering a pizza.”

“Who?” he asks, picking up a apple and biting into it.

“Ally, you know, the girl I had with me today?”

Trace frowns, “Oh her?”

I roll my eyes, “Yeah her.”

“Dude, we don’t like Jessica hanging around us too much and you brought this girl home? You’re not sleeping with her are you?” he asks as though that might be a cardinal sin.

I laugh at the irony of the question, “No, I’m definitely not sleeping with her.”

“Than we should be hitting the town, partying it up. There are girls here we haven’t even met yet dude.”

“I think I’m just going to lay low tonight alright?”

Trace relents, “Fine.”

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and Ally comes through the kitchen, “Hey I set everything up.”

I gesture to Ally, “Trace, you remember Alana.”

“Hey,” he says slowly.

“Trace is going to hang out and have dinner with us.”

“Fine,” she says, wringing her hands again. I’m not sure what she has to be nervous about that she would squeeze her hands until they were white but she has just enough nerves to do it.

Trace watches her, trying to figure her out just by staring as Ally tries to ignore him, “Why don’t I go get the pizza?” I know a good place.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

She nods and takes the keys off the counter, heading out. I turn around to see Trace shaking his head. That is usually not a good sign, especially when Trace does it. Normally things go right over his head, not that it’s that hard to do, but the fact that he’s giving me that look tells me I’m in trouble.

“What?”

“You know what. She’s not anybody man. You can’t just fall for some random chick and think it’s going to fly with Jessica.”

“It’s not like that with Ally,” I assure him.

Trace laughs as he goes inside and turns on the playstation, “Yeah, starting with calling her Ally. I thought you said her name was Alana.”

“It is.”

He leans his head back to look ay me, “My point exactly.”

I sigh, picking up a controller, “It’s not like that.”

“Whatever you say man.”

________________________________________________________________________

I needed a few minutes away from the firing squad. Trace is sure different from the guy I met. I suppose in Justin’s position you can never be too careful and Trace is looking out for his best interests. Still, I really don’t feel like having to deal with it. I’m not really prepared to be questioned.

The pizza is sitting next to me on the passenger seat and I have half a mind to leave it on the doorstep and drive to my apartment where at least I’m comfortable but I decide against it. This isn’t a permanent thing. Well, Justin and I aren’t permanent.

I pick up the pizza box and go inside to see the two of them playing playstation, practically hanging off the couch, “Pizza’s here.”

I barely get a groan from either of them so I leave it near their bodies and head upstairs to my room, shutting the door quietly. I curl up under the covers and lie down as I hear a crack of thunder echo through the big house.

Great. It’s going to be a long night.

________________________________________________________________________

I sit up in bed and glance at the clock. Three in the morning. It hadn’t started really thundering and lighting until about ten minutes ago. You could hear the occasional boom or see a flash of lighting but now it’s really coming down. I wrap the blanket around myself and shiver a little.

Suddenly, the door to my bedroom opens and I let out a scream as Justin comes in. I grab my chest as he flips on the light, “You alright? I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

“Yeah I’m fine. Sorry for screaming,  I just wasn’t expecting anyone to come through the door. Too many horror movies I guess,” I say, trying to laugh it off to the best of my ability.

“Forget about it. Listen, I know you don’t like storms so I was wondering if you wanted to come lay with me.”

I’m shocked and for a moment I’m speechless, taking a full minute before I answer him, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I know you’re afraid.”

“How did you know that?”

“You may not know me Ally, but you are still the same girl I’ve known for years. Come on,” he says, motioning me to follow him.

I grab the pillow off the bed and follow him to his bedroom. I wait for him to pick a side on the bed and curl up on the opposite side of the bed. I put my head down on the pillow as I listen to him breathe, “Do you know why I’m afraid of thunderstorms?”

“Because that’s the night your mother walked put on you and your dad,” he says without missing a single beat. Not that I should expect anything less. He’s Justin Timberlake. He’s probably never missed a beat in his life.

“Yeah.”

“Do you miss her?”

I bite my lip, “I used to when I was younger. I kept thinking she was going to come back. Say she made a mistake in leaving me. Then I grew up.”

“You never really liked to talk about her when we were together. You mostly talked about your dad.”

“Well, he’s the only one that was really there for me.”

Justin turns over on his side and faces me, “Just so you know, I was always there for you too.”

I try to smile as an appreciation, though I’m not sure he can see in the dark, “Thanks Justin.”

He nods, “Night Ally.”

“Night.”

I feel like an outsider looking in. I mean, I know in some distant reality that we are together and somehow manage to make it work but I’m starting to see why that isn’t a reality. I’m like the third wheel he has to drag around despite his first inclination to get rid of me the first chance he gets.

My bare feet sink into the rug on the floor in front of the couch, watching him shoot a music video. Jessica is conveniently off to the side, watching his every move but knowing full well that out of the corner of her eye she’s watching me. Not that I blame her, I suppose it’s not easy to trust someone who’s constantly on the road and who shows up with another girl. He chose his words carefully though, being careful to sidestep the location which to where I am sleeping. That information may have made her head explode.

The couch sinks down next to me and I turn to see Trace leaning back against the red fabric, “So how’s it going?”

“Fine.”

The one thing I’ve learned about this Trace that’s a complete one-eighty from the non-reality Trace is that he is incapable of small talk here and he’s constantly watching Justin’s back as though the hundreds of people that are hired to do that exact thing aren’t doing their job. He shifts his foot a little, staring at it before glancing back up at me, “So why exactly are you here anyway?”

“I don’t know,” I reply as I stare out into space.

“Because Justin seems to be into Jess yet he’s dragging you along for the ride.”

I turn my head to glance at his face, only to reveal a poker face, “I’m not here to get in the way.”

“Yet you are,” he says, taking a sip of his beer.

I frown, “What is your problem?”

“You. You are my problem. He was fine with Jessica and things were going smoothly and then he shows up with you and your sleeping in his house but he seems more attracted to Jessica then he’s ever been. So tell me, are you pregnant?”

I laugh out loud, “Are you kidding?”

“I just want to know why he would risk his relationship with one of the hottest girls on the planet for someone who seemingly landed here from outer space unless she had something over him.”

“Don’t you think if I was blackmailing him or trying to trap him you would be the first to know?”

Trace shrugs, “He’s been acting pretty weird lately.”

“Trust me, I want nothing and I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

He looks at me skeptically, “Why?”

“Because I’m going to be on my way.”

“To where?”

I bite my lip, “Home I guess.”

“And where is that?”

I decide this is the perfect time to ignore him and rest my head back as Justin comes over with Jess’s hand locked in his, “Hey guys.”

 “Hey man,” Trace says standing up, “Are we going out to eat or what?”

Jessica smiles at Justin, “What about that new French restaurant. I hear they have wonderful food.”

Justin hesitantly looks to me, “Ally and I had plans to go and have dinner together.”

Jessica’s face falls faster than the top threatening to slide down her chest for a lack of anything to keep the shirt up, “What?”

“You can go Justin. I can find my own meal at the house.”

“House?,” Jessica interrupts.

“She’s staying with me,” Trace interrupts.

She seems satisfied with the response and tugs on his arm, “Great, we’ll see you later.”

Justin offers me a pity smile before being dragged off. Trace follows the two of them leaving me to find my way back to the house by myself.

________________________________________________________________________

I go through boxes of my things that I dragged to Justin’s, wracking my brain to the possible cause as to why I am here. Pictures of me in high school, a sweatshirt from an old boyfriend that I stole and continue to sleep in, a birthday card from my mother from my tenth birthday.

“Aren’t the two of you supposed to be figuring out this stuff together?”

I turn around, “Don’t you ever knock?”

“I could but what fun would that be?”

I roll my eyes, “You should really consider rethinking your career choice.”

“Oh, what would you suggest?”

“Something that involves the DMV.”

“The DMV?”

“Yeah. That’s the only place I can think of that purposely tries to piss of the American public and give them heart attacks.”

“Your too funny Ally.”

I throw some stuff to the side, “Is there a time limit to this discovery thing?”

“Nope.”

I lean my head back and sigh, “This is impossible.”

“It would help if the two of you were doing this t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r.”

“Shut up,” I snap.

Damien throws a pillow at my head, “Ow, what was that for?” I mutter, rubbing my head from where the button on it connected with me earring and tugged it off.

“I can read your mind remember? Thinking I’m a dick is not allowed.”

“There are way too many rules.”

The front door opens and Justin comes in with Jessica, only to see Damien and stop short. He turns to Jessica, “You know what? I think we’re going to have to call it a night.”

Jessica peaks around and only sees me, not the annoying he-devil to my right, “Because of her,” she hisses at him.

“No, it’s just I have to do some work tonight I forgot about.”

She sighs heavily, practically fogging up the mirror from five hundred feet away, “Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The door slams behind her and Justin comes over and plops down beside me on the floor, “What now?”

“I don’t know, ask him,” I say, pointing at Damien.

“I was going to get laid,” he mumbles.

“Not my problem. You are supposed to be figuring out why this is happening to you. Hello, why do you think you’re here! It’s certainly not to get in some girl’s pants.”

“Fine, just point the fucking way and get this thing on it’s way.”

Damien rolls his eyes, “Call me when you’ve figured it out.”

He disappears as quickly as he came and I put my head in my hands and rub my eyes, “I’m exhausted. There’s nothing here and I’m out of ideas.”

Justin grabs a box and starts shifting through it, “Maybe you just need a pair of fresh eyes.”

“Go for it,” I respond, lying back.”

I hear him shifting through the box and stop after a few minutes, “Why do you have your dad’s social security card and birth certificate?”

I shrug, “It’s the only thing I have left from him.”

“But doesn’t he need this stuff?”

I laugh and sit up, “Why would he need that stuff?”

“Because it’s kind of hard to get around without a social security card. You can’t even open a credit card without one,” he says confused.

“What are you talking about, he’s dead. He died like five years ago.”

Justin frowns, “No he’s not.”

“No, believe me he is.”

“Maybe in reality Al, but not in our life. Well, my life.”

I stop smiling, “Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure Ally, we were with him last week for his fourth anniversary.”

“Fourth anniversary of what?”

“His marriage.”

My head starts to spin a little and I wince, “Wait, what?”

“He’s still alive Al.”

I rub my forehead, “I don’t understand what happened to cause such a difference.”

“I don’t know,” he says, moving closer to me, “So here your dad is dead? How?”

“They told me it was a heart attack.”

“They told you?”

“I wasn’t there when he died. I took off after eleventh grade with my boyfriend at the time who my dad hated. I was too embarrassed to go home after he left me. I finally decided to go home about a year ago, only to find out he had died.”

“What are you talking about, you never left after eleventh grade.”

I turn to him, “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, we met at college.”

“What?”

I turn to Justin before we both yell, “Damien!”

“Wow, it took you two that long to figure this out?”

“So what now? I mean, my dad’s alive and I’m here. What does that mean?”

“It means you need to go back Alana.”

“I can go back?”

“You have to go back, the both of you.”

“Wait, both of us,” Justin says, motioning with his finger between the both of us.

“Yes, both of you.”

“But I’m happy here.”

I feel my checks burn, partly out of shame and partly out of the thought that he’s more content here than he was with me. It’s just a weird feeling I guess, knowing that you’re not wanted. He was fully content with the other version of me, but the reality is not what it should be. I guess it never is.

Damien cocks his head to the side and stares at me but I don’t meet his eyes, instead choosing to stare at the ground and try desperately to think nothing. Damien looks back to Justin, “You don’t have a choice.”

“Then what was the point of bringing me here?” he yells.

“It was to figure things out.”

“So you show me how perfect my life is and then rip it out from under me?”

A tear slips down my cheek but I brush it away quickly in hopes he won’t notice. I feel a warmth of a hand on my back and I look but neither Justin nor Damien are touching me. Suddenly I feel two arms wrap around my body and hold me. I look up at Damien and give him my best smile and mouth “I’m fine.”

Damien turns to Justin, “This is your reality Justin. Nothing is going to change that. You should do well to consider that this is all temporary and you might actually learn something.”

Justin throws his hands up in the air in defeat, “For who? I’m doing just fine in both realities.”

I take a side step away from Justin and glance up at Damien, “Look, why don’t you just send me back? I can tell people Justin’s working on an album and he’ll be back later in the week or something.”

“Yeah,” Justin pipes in.

“No,” Damien says firmly.

“Why not? He doesn’t want to go back so why can’t he just stay here?” I practically beg.

“Because it’s going to take the two of you to figure this out.”

“This wasn’t even about me, I just got sucked into this. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You were always going to be in this Justin. It doesn’t just involve Alana. You need your question answered just as much as she needs hers.”

“Bullshit. I’m doing just fine on my own before you showed up.”

Damien ignores him and the room starts to spin. I think about reaching out for Justin but decide against it, considering the fact that he doesn’t exactly want to even be with me at the moment. Probably longer than that.

Justin just rolls his eyes dramatically as it starts to spin faster and faster until I can’t feel anything else. Again.

________________________________________________________________________

I wake up in bed next to her and sit up, thinking that if we could just get on with this everything will go back to what I could only imagine in my wildest dreams. My life is perfect and now I’m just stuck along for the fucking ride.

Alana stirs and opens her eyes, only to recoil from me. She twirls a piece of hair around her finger before looking up at me, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I mumble, getting out of bed and leaving her there as I head downstairs for a much needed drink at seven in the morning.

I walk by pictures of the two of us, thinking it was all a lie the whole time. I thought this was my perfect life. My dream. Only to discover that it was all just shit. Footsteps break my thoughts and I turn around to see Ally. She surveys the bottles of alcohol I’m searching through but wisely says nothing about it.

She cleats her throat, “If you just give me my dad’s address I’ll go by myself.”

I give her a look that I have never given Ally in my life, “No, I don’t want to prolong this any longer than necessary. Damien said we have to do this together so that is what we’re going to do.

She stares at me before relenting, “Then I’m going to hit the shower.”

“You do that,” I respond, finally finding the vodka and pouring myself some.

A piece of me felt like jumping out of the car as he drove. I mean, it’s one thing to insist on driving but it’s another to act recklessly while doing it with me within the vehicle.

“Slow down,” I commanded, putting my hand over his on the steering wheel.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Why couldn’t we just left him? Or better yet, why the hell had I insisted on telling him the truth. Obviously it was the stupidest thing I could have done. Note to self, when Damien suggests something, try and take his advice. I swear I can hear him laughing now.

I decide to try and catch Justin’s attention to keep him from running us off the road, “So me and my dad, we’re close?”

He outwardly sighed, letting his shoulders slump, “Yep.”

“You know this isn’t easy for me. If you could give me more than one word answers things might go a whole hell of a lot smoother.”

Justin casually glanced over at me, “Okay, fine. You guys are close. He calls a lot except for the fact that he’s been on vacation for the past week and we see him constantly.”

“Really?” I ask, trying to get an image in my head of the last time I saw him but nothing becomes clear, just a really blurry image.

“Yeah, well you are his only kid.”

“That’s not always the way it goes.”

He caught the bitter tone in my voice and looks over at me, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You two weren’t… aren’t close in reality?” he questioned.

“It’s kind of hard to be close when he’s dead.”

“I mean before he died.”

I shrug, “It was my fault.”

“What was you’re fault?”

“I left him,” I said, leaning my head back against the head rest.

“Left him? This guy you ran off with must have been pretty great.”

I roll my eyes, “I took off with my… what I thought was the love of my life at the time. He was tattooed and pierced and covered in leather with a motorcycle,” I smile a tired smile, “But my dad begged me to dump him, as you know. He lost mom and he couldn’t lose me.”

“So you rebelled.”

He said it as more of a statement rather than a question.

“I took off with him. By the time I can back, he was gone. I never got to say goodbye.”

Justin tapped his finger on the steering wheel, “It’s not your fault, you were a kid, kids rebel.”

I laugh, “Yeah, I rebelled down a self-destructive path. No college education, no job, no boyfriend and no way to pay the bills.”

Justin’s face fell from pissed to rather sympathetic, “I’m sorry for the way things turned out for you Ally.”

“Me too,” I murmured.

I watch as he turns off the road to a private one and pulling in the first driveway. The house was larger than I ever could have imagined.

Wow.

Justin grabbed my arm as I faltered slightly. There he was, in the flesh. Daddy.

________________________________________________________________________

The look on her face should have been captured for the world to see. A hallmark moment if ever I saw one. A mix of joy, exasperation and sheer love spread across her features. It’s hard to explain except to say that it’s a moment it time that literally freezes. One that every person on earth should experience.

She regained her composure enough to run the rest of the way to his arms, wrapping tightly around him as though if she were to let go he might disappear. But who knows, he just might have. I’m not sure of anything anymore.

He threw me a look of surprise when Ally didn’t let go, “Baby, I’ve only been gone a week honey.”

“It feels like a lot longer,” she cried.

He practically had to carry her inside and I slowly follow him up into the house and shut the door. 

Deb greets me with a hug, “Hey guys, so glad you could come.”

“We wouldn’t have missed your anniversary for the world.”

Ally loosens her grip just slightly to survey Deb. I could have told her that she was great, someone who loved Ally unconditionally and someone who never take the place of her mother. But I just wasn’t thinking about her, not one little bit. I just couldn’t help myself. I’m just struggling to keep my head above water.

She sits down next to her dad as more people stream in for the party. Ally stares longingly up at him and leans her head against his shoulder, just breathing in his scent. Balloons floated to the ceiling as the popping of champagne filled the room. I sit down in the corner and just watch.

________________________________________________________________________

I pick up the leftover cake plates and toss them in the garbage. Maybe seeing my dad for the first time in years at his anniversary party wasn’t the best idea in the world, seeing that I never got to actually have a real conversation with him. I did get to see him though, which is more than I thought I would ever get.

Deb said goodbye to the last person and came inside, “That was great,” she said, slipping onto the armchair next to dad. She seems nice, someone who would be good for him.

“Yeah,” Justin remarked, “it was great.”

Dad pokes me with his hand, leaning over, “And you missy are acting like a clingy two year old today. Since when doesn’t Justin give you enough affection?”

I looked over to him out of the corner of my eye but he was just plastering that fake smile on again, “I give her enough affection, don’t worry about it.”

Chills yes, affection, no.

He laughed, “Deb why don’t you go put the rest of the cake in the neighbor’s fridge. Thank god someone has enough sense to own a fridge that can fit this kind of stuff.”

Deb rolled her eyes, “We don’t have a fridge that size to keep you from becoming that size.”

Justin got up, “I’ll help you Deb.”

The both of them left and I contemplate where to start with my questions. He looks at me, “What’s really up Ally?”

“Nothing, I’m just hormonal I guess.”

“Are you and Justin okay?”

I laugh, “Just fine dad.”

“You guys seems a little off today. Normally he’s dragging you off into the kitchen to molest you while he thinks I’m unaware.”

I shrug, “We’re not in the mood.”

“Okay,” he says slowly.

“Did you miss me?” I ask quietly.

He frowns, “Of course I missed you baby. But it wasn’t like I was never going to see you again. It was just a week.”

“It just seemed longer.”

“You know, you’re mother used to say that,” he said.

“I don’t want to talk about mom.”

Dad shook his head, “You’re going to have to forgive her eventually Ally.”

“You can’t forgive someone who never apologized.”

“It was a long time ago Alana.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it right now,” I sigh.

He looks at me, “You would tell me if something was wrong wouldn’t you?”

I smile sadly, “Of course daddy. I’m just happy to see that you’re enjoying your life.”

Dad hands me a drink, “Maybe you need some alcohol to liven you up.”

I take it, “Thanks.”

Deb comes back in, “Hon, our dinner reservations are in a half hour. Ally, I could try and get them to get us a table for four if you and Justin wanted to join us.”

Justin stands in the doorway, “Thanks for the offer Deb but we’re going to get on the road.”

I reluctantly get up out of the chair, “Oh, okay.”

I grab my purse and say by goodbyes, hanging on dad before heading out the door with Justin, getting in the car. I wave from the car as we pull away. We weren’t five seconds down the road before Justin broke the silence, “So was that it?”

“Was what it?”

“You know, the reason why were here.”

I had totally forgotten, “Oh, I don’t know.”

“Maybe we’ll go to sleep tonight and everything will be back to normal,” he said with hope in his voice.

“Maybe.”

“Wouldn’t that be great?”

I just shrug, “Yeah.”

Suddenly, the sky cracks with thunder and I jump, “What the hell?”

“It’s not supposed to rain,” Justin said slowly.

The sky darkens quickly and the car stops. I look over at Justin, “What are you doing?”

He holds his hands up, stomping on the gas pedal, “It’s not me, it just stopped working.”

The a swirling cloud appears in front, swirling around before dropping suddenly to reveal a person. A woman, standing about five eight with black hair ripping around her face. Her skin in like porcelain, but hard like ice. A red, slinky dress stops at her feet with a rip up the side. And then there are her eyes. They are steel blue. Her eyes.

Justin takes off his seatbelt carefully, opening the car door, “What is that?”

Suddenly, Damien appears. But this time, he’s not looking at us.

“Sasha.”

“Damien,” she says, whipping the red garment up to reveal her hands, “it’s been awhile.”

“Not long enough.”

She smirks, but the anger never leaves her face, “What exactly are you trying to do here?”

“Only my job.”

“I don’t remember the job including him,” she says, pointing at Justin.

“Things change.”

“My boss doesn’t like it.”

“Well that’s why your boss is in hell. He doesn’t like anything.”

Her lips tighten together, “I’ll be sure to tell him.”

“You do that,” Damien says, moving to the head of car and blocking us.

“I thought it was just a glimpse. I wouldn’t want to have to intervene in your work,” she said, leaning over to the side in order to see us. She flashes a brilliant smile to reveal a vampire like teeth.

“That won’t be necessary Sasha.”

“I’ll decide what is necessary.”

Justin just stares at her, part in fear and part in sheet awe of her. I cower under her glare directed my way as she turns back to Damien, “Just know if we think you’re screwing with us, we’ll have to end this.”

“He’s just here for a glimpse Sasha, you know how it works.”

“Just see to it that it doesn’t get to comfortable. I know you like to play around with the lives of people. Ones that shouldn’t be tampered with, ones that didn’t need a glimpse,” she says, looking directly at Justin.

He backs up, startled. Damien takes a step closer, “I thought you weren’t supposed to prey on my work.”

“We too can bend the rules.”

He shakes his head, “Do you remember when you were an angel Sasha?”

She just laughs, “I try not to.”

“Bitterness doesn’t become you.”

“I’m not bitter, I’m better.”

Damien rolls his eyes, “I think you had better be going. The ruining of souls can’t run without you.”

“If only you would get out of our way, you would see the satisfaction with each one,” she says, whipping around quickly. The cloud whips around her again before falling like before. And as quickly as she was there, she disappears.

Damien relaxes and turns around, “Are you two alright?”

“Fine,” I stammer.

“What was that?” Justin sputters.

“A fallen angel.”

“She’s beautiful,” he mutters.

“You should see her when she gets mad,” Damien says.

“So why is she here?”

Damien smiles at me, “Nothing, she just doesn’t like to see people happy.

“Great quality to have,” I said, wringing my hands to keep them from shaking.

Justin is still staring in the direction she disappeared in. Damien snaps his fingers in front of Justin’s face and suddenly not only is Justin’s attention back to us but we are no longer standing out on a road, but back at the house.

He shakes his head, “So are we done, is that what she needed to see. Is it over?”

Damien looks at Justin like he has two heads, “You’re not even close.”

“What else could she need to see?”

“She’ll figure it out,” he said, winking at me.

“Great, so we have a psycho coming after us and everybody’s just taking their sweet time.”

Damien cast him a dark look, “Sit down and shut up. I’ll take care of Sasha, you just focus on figuring everything out.”

I plop down next to a pissed off Justin. Great.

Damien disappears and we are left together. This is just getting better by the minute.