My knuckles were beginning to hurt from how much I have been banging on this damn door for the past half hour. “Justin!” I called in for the fifteenth time.

            “Fuck off! Give me a minute!” he screamed from behind the door.

            “You have to go out there in ten minutes!” I screamed back.  This is the last night of his 13-month tour and I have never been happier in my life.  What I wouldn’t give to spend one night far away from him so he can’t bang on my door in the middle of the night when his drunken ass can’t find his key or he needs a condom.

            I continued banging, “It’s open you idiot!”

            I took a deep breath and tried to control the fact that my boss just called me an idiot.  That’s actually good for him, he usually calls me much worse.  “You need to get ready. You go on in ten minutes, you have to get changed and…”

            “Does it look like I’m changed Sari?” he asked never breaking his gaze from the blank wall in front of him.  The room smells like marijuana, that shouldn’t surprise me. It usually does.  Isn’t that stuff supposed to calm you down? It sure as hell doesn’t calm him down.

            “I just get nervous when you lock yourself in your dressing room before the show.” It wouldn’t surprise me if one of these days we have to open it and find he slit his wrists or something.  Not that he’s depressed or anything but who knows what’s going on in his messed up rock star mind.

            Justin looked right at me and rolled his eyes, making sure that I could see it, “How long have you been working for me Sari? How long have we been on tour?” too long is the answer. “Over a year, and before every show for over a year I lock myself in my dressing room. And before every show for over a year you bang on my door and scream in for me to open it up because you’re so scared that I’m not going to be ready when the show starts. And every time I’m already dressed and ready to go, and I wait out there for twenty fucking minutes. It’s not like they’re going to go on without me. Calm down”

            One of these days I’m going to snap and tell him to fuck off and sell my story to the tabloids.  It makes me sick to think he has fooled so many people around the world into thinking he’s this sweet wholesome boy next door, when in reality he’s an arrogant asshole who only cares about himself. “Some people wanted to meet you before the show.”

            “Some people? Who?”

            “Um…” I looked through the papers in front of me.

            “Um…” he mimicked, “Let’s go Suzie, I have to be onstage.”

            I looked up at the papers to give him a dirty look.  I swear sometimes he does all this to annoy me. He knows damn well my name is not Suzie yet he manages to call me every name that begins with a S. “I have it somewhere.” He started to hum the Jeopardy theme song, “Alright, stop! You’re like five. Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie.”

            “No.”

            “No? what do you mean no?”

            “I mean no. I don’t want to see them.”

            “OK, fine what about Gary Coleman?”

            He laughed at that one, full out laughed.  I knew he wouldn’t want to see him but it’s my job to ask him yet I get made fun of for even considering it. “Are you fucking kidding me Suzie? Unless it’s a fucking Victoria’s Secret model I don’t want to meet anyone.”

            “What do you want me to tell them?”

            “That I have a fucking show to do, that might work.” I tired to scribble it down in my notebook but he hates when I write things down and grabbed it from my hands before throwing it down, “You really have to write down that I have a show?”

            I grabbed my notebook off the floor and followed Justin to the stage along with his three security guards. “Shit,” Justin said softly as he saw the girls mentioned earlier waiting for him to pass and they began to giggle, “What’s up ladies?” he asked with a smile, turning the charm on when needed, “I have to go, I’ll see you later” he said as he continued walking, not stopping for even a second. “Fucking whores,” he said softly and I heard Jim let out a chuckle, “What they’re not?” he asked with a smile.

            “No they are, that’s why I’m laughing.”

            “I don’t know what it is man that makes these whores think I’d fuck them” he said as he stopped at the stage, “I wouldn’t even fuck them for money” he laughed. Except he would fuck them, in fact the girls he does fuck every night are pretty big whores. I mean they kind of have to be they are groupies. He acts like he’s above that and he only will date good girls, that’s such bullshit.  Well, I guess it’s true, he will only date good girls.  But he’ll let any whore suck his dick.  And he will proceed to hook up with the groupies when he’s on tour, whether he has a girlfriend or not. There goes that whole making a career out of being a good guy with a broken heart who would never in his life cheat on a girlfriend.

Justin grabbed a shot glass of tequila from the table in front of him and held it up. He also is quite an alcoholic. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t call him an alcoholic, I don’t know all the signs.  What I do know is that he cannot go onstage without at least a shot of tequila before he goes on and one while he’s on stage. I also know he parties after pretty much every show, but I’m not one to judge.  At least he’s smart enough not to drive “Good luck, Good show, Now fuck, let’s go” he gave his toast, the same as it had been every night for the past year, threw back the tequila, quickly placed a lime in his mouth, slammed the glass back on the table and got in position to start the show.

As soon as the little elevator thing goes up on stage it’s my cue to go back to his dressing room where Ayden was now waiting. “Sari!” she shouted as she ran over to me. 

I picked her up while Rob, another one of Justin’s security guards left the room.  We trade off with Ayden, although I’m the one that watches her the most. Ayden is Justin’s three and a half year old daughter. Most people don’t know he has a daughter, in fact there are only a handful of people that do. Justin didn’t even know he had a daughter until two years ago. I wish there was a nice story about it, like he was married to the love of his life and she sadly died in labor. But there’s not. He got one of his groupies pregnant while he was dating Cameron Diaz.  The mother realized a baby doesn’t fit into her partying lifestyle and wanted nothing to do with Ayden, so she gave her to Justin.  When I say gave, I mean she told him she had his child and he had to take her and she was planning on selling the story to the tabloids.

Justin, being the great guy he is, did not want his baby to live with such a crazy mother so he decided to give her the life she could never have by taking her in. OK, that’s how I like to imagine it went.  Really, it was more like him not wanting to ruin his career so he took Ayden in and paid the groupie millions to shut her up.

He could be an amazing father, there are moments where he is a great father.  But unfortunately, there are many more moments where he is a horrible father. It’s not like he does anything wrong, it’s just that he doesn’t act like a father, he doesn’t spend time with her, and he goes about his business as if she doesn’t even exist. You would think after getting a groupie pregnant you would maybe slow down with the whole fucking random groupies but I guess that is just too much common sense for him.

“Let’s get Daddy’s things together babe,” I said as I put her down and went around the room picking up the clothes that he threw all over the room. I closed the windows that Rob must have opened to air out all the smoke when he brought Ayden in.

Ayden lay down on the couch and I turned on Barney for her to watch while she falls asleep. This is the time where she’s so tired that she falls asleep almost as soon as her father gets onstage. It’s the one time all day that I have to actually enjoy silence and relax a little. She is completely out of control most of the time and so is her father.  I fell like I’m babysitting two of them most days. I finished getting all of Justin’s things together and took a deep breath before grabbing a bottle of water and sitting down on the couch and pulling Ayden into my arms. She really is so adorable and such a good kid, I’m just waiting for Justin to figure it out.

The silence did not last long, it never does.  Justin came into the room, loud as all hell waking Ayden up, like he always does. She doesn’t care though, she just wants to see her Daddy.  It’s only the second or third time she’s seen him all day.

“What’s up baby girl?” he asked as he picked her up and kissed her forehead before placing her back in my arms as he went into the bathroom to change.  This is the time where he’s actually a good father.  The short amount of time after the show where the alcohol is wearing off and the high has been replaced by the feeling of being on stage in front of thousands. This is the time where he’s happy and a good person and he actually cares about some people other then himself. It doesn’t last long though, it’s only the time between the show and the party back at the hotel or on the bus.

“How was she?” Justin asked as he picked her up again.  She was trying to stay awake but her little eyes were just too tired she couldn’t keep them open.

“Perfect.”

“Of course,” Justin smiled, “Are you ready?”

I stood up and grabbed on to Ayden’s bag and followed Justin out to his bus. During the tour I had my own bus, well my own bus that I shared with Ayden.  Justin couldn’t have her on his bus because then he couldn’t have the groupies, although the reason he told me was because he needed to get his sleep and she’d keep him up all night. I don’t know if he realizes that she’s almost four and has been able to sleep through the night since he got her. Since tonight was the last show of the tour, we took his bus back to the house. I live in the guesthouse. At times it’s kind of annoying but at least I’m not in the same house as him and he has to actually walk across the yard to get to me.  He’s too lazy to do that so it usually doesn’t happen.  He’ll just call me but I’m a pro at ‘accidentally’ turning my phone off.

Once we got to his house I carried Ayden right up to her room and placed her into her bed. Justin was behind me and he kissed her forehead before following me downstairs, “Do you need help with your bags?”

“No, I got it,” I said as I rolled my suitcase through his house.

“Your pillow, I got it,” he laughed as he handed me my pillow and grabbed my two suitcases and led me to the guesthouse. He opened the door and turned on the light, “Where do you want it?”

“That’s fine there, thanks J.”

“Yeah, no problem.  Thanks for everything on the tour and everything, for taking care of Ayden.”

I nodded my head, “It’s my job.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “Well thanks. Goodnight Sari.”

“Goodnight.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he smiled before walking out of the house. I wish I saw the show tonight, maybe then I would have some idea why he is acting so abnormally nice.

I’m not going to worry about it.  I’m just going to relax, take a nice warm bubble bath and thank god that tour is over so I can actually sleep a full night. I left my bags at the door and went right upstairs to turn on the bath water and grabbed a book. I brought five books with me for the tour and have yet to open one during the whole year tour. I slid my clothes off and slowly slid into the warm bath before taking a deep breath, it feels so good to be back in my house without him screaming.

“Sari?” I must have fallen asleep and I thought it was a nightmare to wake up hearing Justin’s voice calling my name, “Sari? Are you in the bathroom?”

“I’m taking a bath, what are you doing here?”

“Can I leave…” he opened the door as if he didn’t know I was in the tub, naked, covered only by some bubbles.

“Justin!”

He laughed, “Relax, I’m not looking.”

“Can you shut the door and I’ll get out?”

“Yeah,” he shut the door with him still inside.

“Justin! Get out!”

He laughed some more, “Relax.” He got out of the bathroom and I quickly jumped out wrapping my robe around myself.

“You can’t just come in while I’m in the bath.”

“I can’t? it’s my house.”

            “I’m in the bath Justin, I’m naked.”

            He shrugged and smiled, “It’s still my house.”

            I rolled my eyes, “What do you want?”

            “Can I leave Ayden here for the night?”

            “Are you serious? Justin it’s like midnight, she’s already asleep.”

            “I know, I know but I got some people coming and I don’t want to wake her up.”

            I took a deep breath, I hate when he does that. He needs a night just to go to bed like a normal person at a normal hour. He needs a night where he doesn’t party and get drunk off his ass so he can spend tomorrow with his daughter instead of sleeping through the day.

            “Please?” he asked with those big blue eyes staring down at me.

            I nodded my head.

            “You’re a lifesaver. Thank you.”

            “Yeah,” I rolled my eyes and walked into the spare room where Ayden was already sleeping.  It is pretty much Ayden’s room, I mean she spends more nights in here than she does in her own room, “Just be careful Justin.”

            “I’m always careful,” he said with a smile.

            “Are you really?”

            “I am,” he laughed, “I got a whole drawer of condoms.”

            I took a deep breath, “What makes you think I want to know about that?”

            “You said be careful.”

            “You’re obnoxious. Go so I can go to sleep.”

            “I should get you flowers or something.”

            “Yeah, leave me alone.” 

“Sari! Sari!” I woke up to hear Ayden screaming my name and jumping on the bed.

            “Good morning sweetie.”

            “I’m hungry! Let’s go wake up Daddy and get breakfast!” It’s not even weird to her anymore that she is sleeping in the guesthouse. You would think she would wonder why she isn’t in her bed or waking up her father when she’s hungry instead of his assistant. She stays here with me in the guesthouse more than she stays in the mansion across the yard with her father.

            I really doubt that Justin does not have beer cans and naked girls all over his house so I don’t think going into the house with Ayden would be the best idea. “How about we go out for breakfast? And then we can go to the grocery store and get some food for later.”

            “OK, I go wake Daddy.”

            “No, let’s let Daddy sleep,” I got out of bed and grabbed Ayden in my arms and brought her to get changed.

            “But I want Daddy to come.”

            “I know, but we need to let him sleep so maybe we can do something extra fun later.” I should not have said that because he tends to disappoint with those things.

            We got dressed and walked through the yard.  I saw Justin passed out on the couch and even though there were no girls in sight I still do not think Ayden should see her father like that so we walked around the house to get to the driveway.

            When we got to the restaurant I helped her out of the car seat and held her hand as we walked inside. “We’ll have two hot chocolates with extra whipped cream.” I said as I helped her into her seat. 

            “Guess what?”

            “What?”

            “Can we go swimming?”

            “When we get back. What do you want for breakfast?”

            “Scrambled eggs!”

            “OK, relax hunny.  Are you sure? They have those alien pancakes here.”

            Her mouth dropped open and she nodded her head.

            The waitress came over and Ayden spoke up before she could even put the hot chocolate on the table, “I want the alien pancakes.” I gave her a look, “Please.”

            “Thank you.” I smiled, “I’ll have the western omelet please.”

            “No problem, your daughter is adorable.” The waitress said with a smile as Ayden buried her face into the whipped cream.

            I smiled, “Thank you.” It’s just too much work to tell them she’s not my daughter.  Everyone always thinks she’s my daughter, probably because she’s with me more than she is with her own father. I don’t think we look much alike besides the blonde hair and blue eyes but people always seem to think we’re like twins.

            After we finished eating we went to Whole Foods to stock up the refrigerator.  Justin was still sleeping on the couch when we got home and Ayden went right into the living room. “Ayden, come back over here.” I whispered.

            “How come Daddy’s sleeping on the couch?”

            “He must have been watching a movie and he fell asleep.”

            “Yeah, cause there’s soda cans on the floor.”

            “Ok, you need to leave him alone sweetie, go get your bathing suit and towel and sunscreen while I put the things away.” He really has beer cans on the floor in front of him while his daughter is in the house.

            Sometimes I want to just slap some sense into him.  He’s such a dumbass. At least there are no naked girls in the house, it could be worse.  I finished putting everything away and went upstairs to get Ayden’s things before going back to the guesthouse to get changed.

            I was lying on a lounge chair with Ayden on my lap reading a story about bugs.  She absolutely loves bugs so much so that it’s almost weird. If she sees a bug she has to touch it. I can get Ayden to sit quietly if I talk about bugs, or if I read.  She loves to be read to. So if you put the two together it’s like the easiest part of the day.

            “Guess what Sari?” she asked as she played with my fingers and rested her head against my stomach.

            “What Ayden?”

            “Scorpions don’t needa eat for a year.”

            I laughed as I fixed her hair, “I know that’s pretty cool isn’t it?”

            “Mmhmm. They’re my favorite.”

            “What are?”

            “Scorpions.”

            “Scorpions?” I couldn’t help but giggle, “Yesterday you said spiders were your favorite because they make a web.”

            She was quiet for a minute like she was really pondering how she could have two favorites. I can’t believe she’s not even four yet and she’s so smart. “Well…. Maybe I can have a new favorite every day.”

            “You know what, I think that’s a great idea.”

            The smile on her face gets so big when you give her a compliment. She’s so adorable. I really wish I could just steal her and get her away from Justin. I know that’s horrible to say but seriously she’d be so much better off without him.

            “Can we go wake Daddy now so I can tell him about my favorite bug?”

            It is almost two o’clock in the afternoon. Justin really doesn’t have an ounce of maturity on his body. How does any father sleep until two o’clock when he has a three and a half year old daughter? It doesn’t happen. Well it shouldn’t happen. “Let’s give him a little more time.”

            She let out a sigh and sat up, “I wanna go swimming!”

            My cell phone started ringing and every time it goes off I cringe a little. Even though I think Justin is extremely irresponsible by sleeping all day, it does make my job much easier when I only have to worry about babysitting the actual baby. “We’ll go swimming when I get off the phone ok?” she nodded her head and grabbed onto the book while I answered.

            “Hello?”

             “Hi Sari sweetheart, how are you doing?” from the first word I could tell it was Justin’s mother. I always love talking to her.  She is seriously the nicest woman in the world. Whenever she is around Justin he’s like a totally different person.  Unfortunately, she hasn’t been around in a while. But even when she calls and talks to Justin she somehow manages to knock him into place at least for a little while. I wish she would give me some hints about how she does it.

            “I’m good, how are you? I haven’t talked to you in awhile.”

            “Great, I’m great. Is Justin with you? He isn’t answering his phone.”

            “Yeah, well he’s sleeping.”

            “He’s sleeping?” she just about screamed, “Sari, it’s almost two o’clock.”

            I nodded my head; she doesn’t have to tell me about that.

            “Where’s Ayden?”

            “Right here with me, we’re getting ready to go swimming.”

            She took a deep breath, “He does not know how lucky he is to have you. You are not her nanny. He should be awake. I would like to know when he plans on taking responsibility…” she stopped herself “I don’t know why I’m preaching to the choir.”

            “Are you going to come out here soon?”

            “Sure I am. It sounds like I need to.”

            I don’t want her to think that he is completely out of control.  I think it’s more like I don’t want to get him in trouble.  The tour is over I think he’ll be calming down at least a little.

            “Will you have Justin call me when he wakes up?”

            “Yeah, of course.”

            “Great Sari, thanks for everything. Can I talk to Ayden?”

            “Sure. I’ll see you soon,” I handed Ayden the phone and she just looked at me. I giggled and then she giggled because I was, “It’s Granny.”

            “Granny!” she screamed before putting the phone to her ear, “Hello, hello. I’m Ayden.” I laughed at the way she answers the phone. I will admit that is one cute thing that Justin did teach her.

            Ayden spent the next few minutes telling her grandmother all about scorpions. It is kind of funny how she’s so obsessed with bugs when her father has a heart attack if he even sees one. “OK, bye bye. Later.” She flipped my phone shut and handed it back to me. The reason why she says later at the end of all phone conversations is because of her father. I don’t know if he taught her that or if she just copies it from him.

            Justin walked out of the sliding glass doors and made his way to the pool. Not really walked out, more like dragged himself out. He looks like shit; he always looks like shit when he wakes up, especially after he’s been drinking the night away. I’m very tempted to take a picture and send it in to one of those teenybopper magazines. Those poor little girls who idolize him have no idea.

            “What’s up ladies?” he asked as he fell on the lounge chair next to me. I didn’t answer him, just looked him over. He really is disgusting.

            “Daddy!” Ayden jumped over me and on him, “Wanna go swimming? Wanna play princess? Wanna jump on the tramp-a-ween?”

            “Fuck Ayden, chill I just woke up,” Justin grabbed onto her and put her off the chair. He makes me sick. He swears in front of her like it’s nothing, he swears at her. She’s three and a half years old. One of these days she’s going to grow out of the whole loving her father because he’s her father thing and despise him.

            “I wanna go swimming Daddy.”

            “Well Daddy’s hung-over so you’re going to have to wait.”

            “What does hung-over mean?”

            “It’s when you drink…” the sad part is he’s about to tell her.

            “Justin,” I can only sit back and watch him ruin his daughter’s life to a certain extent.

            He laughed, because to him it’s the funniest thing in the world to have a three and a half year old know all about drinking and swearing. His arm moved to cover his eyes from the sunlight, “You need to go shopping.”

            “I did.”

            “Guess what Daddy? A scorpion doesn’t needa eat for a year.”

            “That’s fantastic,” he answered sarcastically. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him pretend to be interested in anything that has ever come out of his daughter’s mouth. “You need to make breakfast, I’m hungry.”

            “It’s lunchtime.”

            He took a deep breath and moved his arm away from his face so I could see him glare at me, “Then make fucking lunch, don’t be a smartass.”

            I rolled my eyes so he could see it but it doesn’t faze him.  He covered his eyes again as I stood up, “Your mother called.”

            “That’s great.”

            “So call her.”

            “Did you find out about the gardeners?”

            I shook my head, “I haven’t had a chance.”

            Once again the arm was moved away from his face so he could glare at me, “How do you not have a chance? It’s lunchtime, as you’ve reminded me.”

            “Sorry, I’ve been busy shopping for you and watching your daughter and cleaning your house and talking to your mother.”

            I could see the corners of his lips form a smirk as his arm went back to his face and I knew I was in for some attitude, “Hey, if you can’t handle your job…”

            I broke him off, “My job is not to be your slave.”

            “Do I not pay you enough? Because I’m pretty sure last time I checked I pay you a hell of a lot more than anyone else pays their assistants.”

            “It’s not about the money.” He does pay me a lot. Which is the reason why I took this job in the first place. I’m an educated person. I graduated from college. The last thing I wanted to do after getting a degree in psychology is work with a spoiled ass celebrity.  But someone told me about the job and the pay, and let’s face it there’s not too many openings for someone with a psych degree. So now three years later, here I am. Still stuck with the biggest asshole in Hollywood.

            “Then what’s it about Sari? Your inability to do what I ask you to do?”

            “I’m your assistant, I am not a nanny and a cook and a receptionist.”

            “Yes you are, my assistant assists me in everything.” Assist? When is the last time I assisted him in anything? I do everything. I assist him as in he sleeps until 2 while I watch his daughter and do his shopping.

            “No, your assistant assists you in business ventures.”

            “No, you’ve been working here for three years and you still don’t know what your job is?”

            “It changes every darn day!”

            He laughed hysterically, “Well my life changes every darn day too! Darn,” he mimicked, “Using the bad words, I can tell you’re really upset.”

            “Well sorry I don’t want to swear in front of a three year old.” Justin really has me fuming and it annoys me so much that he doesn’t even get upset.  He’s over it already. He knows he can piss me off as much as he wants and I’m not going to leave. I couldn’t leave. I want to leave more than anything sometimes but there is no possible way I could leave poor Ayden alone to fend for herself with him. No possible way.

            I walked into the kitchen to make him his damn lunch. I grabbed a package of frozen French fries and threw them on a cookie sheet before throwing it into the oven a little too violently. Justin’s hangover food is always French fries and a grilled cheese. As I grabbed the cheese from the fridge I heard Ayden banging on the sliding door.

            “What’s the matter?” I asked as she walked in.

            “Nothin’.”

            “Why aren’t you outside with your daddy?”

            “He don’t wanna play. I wanna go swimming.”

            “I know, I’ll go swimming with you after we eat ok?”

            “Oooh Kayy,” she answered softly as she climbed up on a chair and rested her head on the kitchen table.

            “Are you tired?” she nodded her head, “Do you want to take a nap first?”

            “No. Daddy said I can have a ice cream cone.”

            “He did not.”

            Her mouth dropped open in shock, “Yeah huh.”

            “Ayden.” She is three years old and already lying like her father. That makes me nervous.  She giggled when she realized she was caught and started to play with the paper on the table.

            “It’s not good to tell fibs Ayden.  You can have a push up pop after we go swimming.”

            “Guess what? A scorpion doesn’t needa eat for a year.”

            “I know that’s so cool. Do you think you could only eat once a year?”

            “Uh huh,” she nodded her head with a smile.

            “Oh, I don’t know Miss Ayden, I think that would be a little hard.”

            “I could do it though, I could.”

            I smiled as she nodded her head but the smile flew off my face when Justin stormed into the house, sliding the door shut so fast that it made a noise that echoed through the house. Ayden jumped a foot in the air.

            “What did my mom want?”

            It’s not even that he’s mad; he had no reason to come in the house like that.  But he is Justin Timberlake and he needs his presence to be known all the time.

            “She didn’t say.”

            “She didn’t say,” he repeated as he sat down next to Ayden, “Did you sleep ok babe?”

            Is it possible that he’s going to be the good Justin now? I turned away from the stove to take it all in.

            “Mmmhmm, we went to pancakes and I got aliens and that chocolate stuff with the white stuff. And it got on my face,” she giggled.

            “The white stuff got all over your face huh?”

            “Uh huh, you know what Daddy? A scorpion doesn’t needa eat for a year.”

            “I know Ayden, you’ve told me we all know,” ok it’s not the good Justin, he’s already annoyed, “Did you know if a scorpion stings you you’d die?”

            Ayden just looked at him for a second, trying to take it all in. what kind of a father tells his daughter that her favorite bug could sting her and kill her? It’s not like she has a pet scorpion or there are hundreds in the back yard.

            I gave Justin a plate and put one in front of Ayden. He laughed at the reaction he was getting from his daughter, grabbed his plate and went into the other room. I hope he’s calling his mother, not just watching television.

            “Sari, do they really make you die?”

            “No, you just have to be careful if you see one because it would hurt. But I don’t think you’d die.” She pouted her lips out like her life had just come crashing down, “Let’s just eat our lunch so we can go swimming.”

            Ayden ate her lunch quietly, now she’s really starting to second-guess her choice for her favorite bug of the day. When she finished we went in the pool and as soon as she jumped in with her life jacket on she forgot all about the scorpions and her asshole father.

            A half an hour later Justin came out in his bathing suit with a towel around his neck.  He threw the towel on a chair and jumped into the pool. Ayden giggled as he grabbed onto her feet and pulled her through the water, “You’re going to turn into a fish you’re in here so much.”

            “No suh.”

            “Yes suh,” he answered back in the same tone and laughed before looking over at me, “My mother’s coming out next week.”

            Oh thank God.

            Justin laughed, “Damn, relax you’re more excited than Ayden.”

            There is no hiding the smile that I know is covering my face. I just love it when she comes; it’s like my vacation because she makes sure Justin does his own shit.

            “I got her, you don’t have to stay out.”

            “I’m ok.” It’s the good Justin now, and when he’s the good Justin I don’t mind being around him. Don’t misunderstand me, I definitely don’t enjoy spending time with him, even when he is the good Justin, but that’s just because you never know when the bad one will come back.

            “Daddy, did you know a scorpion doesn’t needa eat for a year?” That really is her fun fact of the day. I guess that’s how she remembers, by saying it hundreds of times.

            “I had no idea Ayden. Did you know that scorpions have little claws like lobsters and they can pinch you?” he made claws with his fingers and swam towards her but she screamed and swam away. Justin laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh myself as he caught her and pinched her with his pretend claws.  “Sari did you put sunscreen on her?”

            “Yeah,” I answered him as he inspected his daughter before turning towards me.

            “You didn’t put any on yourself.”

            “Yes I did.”

            He gave me a lazy look, “You’re red.”

            I took a deep breath; I hate my damn fair skin. I could put on pounds of sunscreen and somehow I still burn.  It’s so annoying, “I guess I’ll go in then.”

            Justin nodded his head as he grabbed onto Ayden and threw her in the air.

            “I’ll call about the gardener.”

            “Whenever you get a chance, don’t worry about it,” he threw Ayden up again before looking at me, “Relax a little Sari, you work too hard.” He gave me that half smile that drives all the girls crazy. It doesn’t work for me because I know what’s underneath that smile: the devil himself.

            But I will take this chance to relax a little.  It will feel good to lie on the couch and catch up with my Tivo. I don’t know how long the good Justin is going to last so I need to take advantage of it while I can. 

            I got out of the pool and dried myself off with the towel “Have fun.”

            “Thanks Sari,” Justin answered with a smile. 

            The fact that Justin’s mother is coming in less than a week gives me a false sense of hope. I feel like I can deal with anything for the next few days and as soon as she gets here everything will be wonderful. I know that Justin is a completely different person when his mother is around and I can’t wait for that different Justin to come and make my life so much easier.

            Until then, I am joined with the asshole Justin. He actually hasn’t been that bad for the past few days. I think it’s because he knows his mother is coming.  He also has some time off so he usually can calm down a little during that.  Justin does not work well in stressful situations. When he’s off he’s like a lazy bum. I mean, I know he works hard but seriously when he’s off it’s like he’s a couch potato living off his mother’s couch. A normal day in the life of Justin Timberlake when he is off is… wake up around noon, eat breakfast, go lay at the pool and ignore his daughter, go swimming or golfing or play basketball, get dinner, come home and play with his daughter for a few hours and then go back to sleep.  Usually he gets drunk at some point throughout the day.

            I was enjoying the quiet I got while the Lakers were on television. Ayden was in the cinema room with him, he’s trying to get her as obsessed with basketball as he is. She tries to love it because she already knows it’s one of the few times she can spend with him.  It really makes me sad that she’s so young and is already trying to figure out ways to get her father to play with her. I was trying to clean up the kitchen because Justin had the bright idea that he wanted to make pizzas for dinner. He did go all out and they do look good, but he can’t clean up for shit. There’s sauce and cheese among other things all over the place.

            It would have been much easier to order.

            Ayden walked in quietly and climbed up on a chair as I was washing the counter, “What are you doing here?”

            “Daddy says I’m drivin him cwazy.”

            I sighed and picked her up twirling her in my arms. It really kills me that he would actually say that to a three year old. “You can come in here and get away from him.  Your daddy drives me cwazy.”

            Ayden giggled and I placed her down.  She really is so adorable and does not deserve to be treated like this. No one does, but she really doesn’t.

            “I was just about to make some snickerdoodles, would you care to join me?” her mouth dropped open with excitement and she nodded her head anxiously. “Great, thank you Ayden, I need help and you’re such a good helper.”

            The smile grew on her face and she ran to the cupboard, “I’ma help. We need… flour and suga and… mashed potatoes.”

            “Mashed potatoes?” I laughed and she nodded her head as if I were crazy not to put mashed potatoes in my snickerdoodles, “I don’t think so hunny. Let’s start with some sugar. We need a big one and a little one,” she pushed the chair closer to the counter and climbed up.

            “OK ok, I do it.” She carefully measured the sugar so that it was exactly a cup and a half. She’s already a perfectionist, just like her father. I hope it’s doesn’t become obsessive like him.

            “OK, now we need two eggs.”

            “I crack em.”

            I nodded my head, “OK, but be careful.  Let’s crack them in this bowl first,” I don’t think she’s ever cracked an egg without all the shell getting in. 

            Ayden dropped the two eggs into the bowl and laughed as they cracked.  “More, do more!”

            I laughed as she reached in and tried to crack the egg again. “We only need two.”

            “Oh,” she answered softly and took a few minutes to deal with the defeat, “OK, now we add… mashed potatoes.”

            “Ayden! Come here!” we both heard Justin screaming and she looked at me.

            “Go ahead.”

            She smiled and jumped off the chair and ran to see her father. I know it’s sad, but I wonder why he wants her to go in there with him. I threw the egg and shell mixture in the garbage disposal and cracked some eggs into the sugar myself just as Ayden came skipping back.

            “That was fast.”

            She giggled and nodded her head, “Daddy wants the Cheetos.  He’s gonna share wit me.”

            I feel like I’m the mother of two children. I’m not a mother I’m an assistant. I shouldn’t even be here cleaning up the house and making him cookies, but now I have to tell them that we probably shouldn’t be eating Cheetos when we’re having pizza in less than an hour.

            “Tell Daddy that I said not to eat too many because we’re eating soon.”

            “Mmhmm,” she smiled as I handed her the bag and she went running off.

            I continued working on the cookies as my cell rang and I fought with Justin’s ass of a publicist who wants him to go to New York for an appearance on some stupid talk show no one’s heard of. He does not need to go to New York right now, his mother is coming in this week and he sure as hell does not need all the bullshit. I think his publicist is out to get him. Honestly, all this guy cares about is getting his name out there. He wants Justin to do everything and Justin sure as hell does not need his name out there any more than it already is.  He also believes in the whole no publicity is bad publicity thing and that scares me. I just don’t trust him.

            Ayden came back into the kitchen, as I was busy dealing with the jackass. She opened the refrigerator and looked inside as if she were completely lost. I hung up the phone and took a deep breath, “What are you looking for?”

            “Daddy wants the soda in a bottle.”

            The soda in a bottle? There is no soda in a bottle, “What kind?”

            “He said the beer kind.”

            I took a deep breath and grabbed a beer in my left hand and Ayden’s hand with my right. He is such a moron, like honestly I don’t understand what goes on in his fucking mind.  Ayden is like his little puppy that he’s training how to fetch. I went into the cinema where he was laying on the couch with the bag of Cheetos resting on his stomach. He looked up at me as I walked in and laughed at the pissed off look I was giving him. “Thanks Sari.”

            “Did you ever think that it’s possibly not a good idea to have your three year old daughter get you a beer?”

            “I didn’t ask her to get me a beer, I asked her to get me a soda.”

            “A beer flavored soda.”

            “She doesn’t know what it is. Relax.”

            “It’s not a good idea.”

            He got that smile on his face and called Ayden over to him before whispering something in her ear.

            “Take a valium bitch,” the three year old said to me. Justin laughed as if it were the funniest thing he’s ever done in his life and Ayden giggled just because he was laughing so hard. I don’t find it very funny and I really want his mother to come right now.

            “You’re ridiculous,” I said as I walked out of the room.

            “Put the pizza in!” he shouted out to me. Ugh, I would much rather put his fucking head in the oven. I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job.  As I walked back into the kitchen I threw the pizza in the oven and finished the cookies. Someone really needs to give him parenting lessons.  They also need to give him life lessons and maybe some fucking lithium.

            The phone rang again, this time it was Justin’s accountant telling me she needed him to sign those papers she sent over a few days ago except she never sent them over. Then Ayden came in climbing up the chair and then jumping off it. I managed to get her down but then she decided she wanted to run around the kitchen table and sing the alphabet song… at the top of her lungs. Meanwhile the account is trying to assure me she sent the papers over while I tried to assure her we never got them. And now the oven timer is going off and the house phone is ring and OH MY GOD!! Justin’s screaming for me to answer the phone since he can’t get off his superstar ass and answer his own phone. And Ayden just fell and now she’s crying and oh my god, I can’t do this.

            I hung up on the accountant since she’s not listening to me anyway, pulled the pizza out of the oven, picked up Ayden in my arm and picked up the phone. “Yeah?” I rested the phone between my shoulder and my ear so I could help Ayden and get her to stop crying while I rolled her pant leg up to see the cut that didn’t even exist.

            “Sari? Is everything all right? It sounds hectic.” It’s Justin’s mother.  She always calls when I have no control over the situation. “Where’s Justin?”

            “In the other room.”

            “What’s he doing?”

            “Watching the Lakers.”

            She sighed, “He’s not helping?” she didn’t wait for an answer because she already knew it, “Can I talk to him please?”

            “Yes,” I took a deep breath, it seems like everything stopped at the same time and I can calm down a little bit.

            “Is Ayden with him?”

            “No, she’s here. Did you want to talk to her?”

            “No, I have to get going I just want to talk to Justin quick.”

            “Ok,” she’s mad. I decided I wouldn’t say anything else and walked into the other room and handed Justin the phone, “Your mother.”

            He sat up quickly and turned the television on mute, “Hey Ma.”

            Even just telling him that his mother is on the phone gets him to sit up straight. I really need to know how she does it. Ayden was still sniffling when I placed her on the counter, “Are you alright?”

            “I fall and it hurts,” she pouted, “I needa band aid.”

            “Ok, we’ll get one. Are you sleepy hunny?”

            She nodded her head, “I wanna go to bed.”

            Wow. I’ve never heard her request to go to sleep. “Is something wrong?”

            She shook her head, “I just wanna go to bed.”

            “Don’t you want to eat first?” Ayden shook her head again, something’s wrong. “What’s the matter Ayden? It makes me sad when you’re sad.”

            She grabbed onto my hand and led me upstairs to her room, “Did you know that a cock-a-roach can live for nine days without its head?”

            I laughed as I changed her into her pajamas, “I know we read about that earlier, that’s kind of gross isn’t it?”

            “No,” she giggled, “They’re my favorite.”

            “I know sweetie.”

            “I want a cock-a-roach.”

            “What?”

            “A cock-a-roach. Can I get one?”

            “You want a cockroach as a pet?” she nodded her head and I smiled, “I don’t think they make very good pets.”

            “What about a turtle? Or a frog? Or a snake?”

            “You’ll have to ask your Daddy about that,” I think sometimes she doesn’t understand that I’m not the one that makes those kinds of decisions. Then again if Justin was my father I’d be confused about those things myself.

            “Can you lay down wit me and tell me a story?”

            I nodded my head and lay in her bed as she ran to get a book and jumped on my lap. She picked out her favorite story and I read it to her while she listened intently. When I finished she put a hand on each of my cheeks and kissed my nose, “I love you Sari.”

            “I love you too Ayden,” I kissed her forehead, “Goodnight sweetie.”

            “Night!” she smiled and waved as I walked turned the light off and walked downstairs. These are the times that I don’t hate my job.  But then I walk downstairs to see Justin sitting at the counter devouring his pizza and drinking a beer and I realize why I do hate it.

            I didn’t say anything at first, I just went back to the cookies and waited for him to talk, “So you tell on me.”

            “What?”

            “You tell my mother on me like I’m fucking five years old.”

            “What are you talking about?” he is fucking five years old.

            “My mother bitches at me because…”

            “I didn’t tell your mother anything,” I broke in. It’s getting late and I’m not ready to deal with his bullshit. “Your mother called and wanted to talk to you.  There were like a million things going on and I gave you the phone. That’s it. I didn’t tell on you.”

            He chooses to listen to what he wants to listen to. So instead of taking that in his tiny brain he moved on to something he wanted to talk about, “Did you do my clothes?”

            “Yes.”

            “Where’s Ayden?”

            “In bed.”

            “It’s 7:30.”

            “She was tired,” he nodded his head. You would think that he’d be upset that I put her to bed without giving him the chance to say goodnight but that little thought has never once gone through his fucked up brain.

            “What time do I have that interview tomorrow?”

            I looked at him for a minute, “Fuck.”

            “What?”

            “Shit.”

            “What’d you do?”

            “I forgot you had that interview and you’re supposed to go to the charity thing.”

            “Are you fucking serious?” now he’s pissed. Maybe if I wasn’t busy running his life AND his daughter’s life I could focus on other things and not get so distracted.

            “OK, relax, I’ll move something around.”

            “You’re going to move it around? How the fuck are you going to do that Sari?”

            “I don’t know,” I took a deep breath, and once again I hate my job.

            “You really fucked up Sari.”

            I hate him. I really fucking hate him. “Are you serious? The reason why I fucked up Justin is because I’m so busy with every fucking part of your life. Like can you do anything yourself?”

            “What the hell? I do shit myself.”

            I laughed at that one and that pissed him off even more so we could scream all night. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself so I wouldn’t wake up Ayden, “Justin honestly, I can’t do everything. I understand that you have a lot of shit but I can’t be your assistant and a nanny at the same time. You need to get someone else. I’ll take a pay cut if that will help, I mean seriously Justin.”

            He took a few deep breaths himself as if he were actually thinking about it. That surprises me a little, I never expected him to consider it. “Alright, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

            “Thank you. I’m going to go to bed.”

            “Yeah, alright. What time tomorrow?”

            “Noon.”

            He nodded his head, “Alright, goodnight Sari.”

            “Night Justin,” I walked through the yard thinking that I possibly made some progress with him. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up tomorrow and forgot this whole conversation ever took place.  The fact is that I really need some kind of help. I can’t run his life on my own. And obliviously I’m not getting any help from him.  But then again, he so paranoid that someone is going to find out he has a daughter who knows if he’s ever going to let someone else actually work for him. I can’t deal with his mood swings much longer.

            I called and managed to change the interview to ten so we’d have plenty of time to get to the charity thing at noon. Then I saw it was only eight thirty and that means I can easily take a nice bath and read before I go to bed.

            Every single time I think I can take a bath I get interrupted when Justin just walks into my bathroom like it’s nothing. “Seriously Justin!”

            He laughed like he always does when he walks in on me naked in a bathtub, “I’m not looking.”

            “What do you want?”

            “Ayden’s in the other room. I’m having some people over.”

            I took a deep breath and nodded my head; I don’t know why he does this so often. “I changed the interview to ten.”

            “Alright,” he nodded his head and stepped out of the bathroom, “She’s in the other room though, thanks.”

            “You’re welcome,” asshole. 

“Sari, Sari, Sari, Sari, Sari,” I woke up to Ayden saying my name over and over again.

            “Yes Ayden?” I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes.

            “Mornin!” she threw her arms in the air as she shouted, a huge smile covering her face.

            “Good Morning,” I laughed as I sat up. It’s really hard to get annoyed with her for waking me up in such an annoying way when she’s so cute, “Did you sleep alright?”

            She nodded her head and grabbed my hand, “Let’s go wake Daddy.”

            “I think that’s a great idea, but I’m just going to get dressed first, real quick ok?”

            Ayden nodded her head and jumped on my bed singing who knows what.  She makes it up as she goes.  After I got ready we went to the house and I saw Justin sitting at the kitchen table, as we got closer. There is no possible way that Justin is up on his own after a night of partying.

            I opened the sliding door and Justin looked up, “Morning Ayden,” he smiled when he saw her.

            “Mornin Daddy!” she offered in a singsong as she climbed on his lap.

            “Look who’s here.” Justin’s mother walked over and I am pretty sure my smile was bigger than Ayden’s… if that’s possible.

            Ayden ran to her grandmother as I went to pour myself a cup of coffee. Justin’s mother treats Ayden like a princess, and when she’s here Justin treats her like a princess too. It does bother me that he doesn’t treat he like that all the time but at least it gives me hope that he can be a good father if he wants to be.

            After his mother gave me a hug and thanked me for everything she took Ayden while Justin and I went to deal with his business shit. We drove quietly in the car, I didn’t say anything because I never want to get him riled up and honestly it could happen at any moment.

            “If you want to call for a nanny or whatever we can interview next week. I have a couple days off right?”

            I nodded my head; I can’t believe he actually listened to what I was saying. I mean, I’ve been saying it for the past two years and he never listened before.  “I thought your mom wasn’t coming in until tomorrow.”

            “Yeah me too, she surprised me at six this morning.”

            I laughed a little, he looks annoyed… and tired, and cranky, it’s only a matter of seconds before he breaks.

            “How long is this thing going to last?”

            “The interview or the charity?” Justin shrugged for an answer as he looked out the window, “The interview is just over breakfast. The charity you just have to read a book to the kids and then do a pressroom. It shouldn’t be too long.”

            He didn’t answer me but instead continued looking out the window. As soon as we arrived at the restaurant the Justin everyone in the world knows and loves came out.  It bothers me that he can turn the assholeness on and off so easily but he never does unless it has to with his job.  There are often jerks interviewing him but he’s always that cool, funny, sweet, fake Justin. But then when he’s home with his daughter he’s the asshole. It doesn’t make sense.

            After the interview we went right to the charity. Everything there was great, he’s so good with kids… at least kids that aren’t his. Once again, it doesn’t make any sense. We went back to the house after all the interviews and I went for a walk with Ayden and Justin’s mother, Lynn. Lynn and I talked about the intervention she was planning.  I just listened, I didn’t say too much. It’s an awkward situation because I know that Lynn worries about him but I think a lot of the time he’s just being obnoxious. I don’t think he is completely out of control because he has his moments where he’s normal.  If he had a serious problem I would think he’d be crazy all the time. And then there’s the fact that he is my boss, and I feel like telling on him could get me in trouble. Although it wouldn’t be all that bad to get fired.  But I couldn’t leave Ayden alone with his crazy ass.

            The plan was put into effect later on that evening. Once his mother talks to him I think he’ll be ok, at least for a little while. I wish she could stay forever, but then again if she did they wouldn’t need me. I took Ayden out to dinner and to the bookstore while the intervention took place. She picked out a bunch of books about bugs and worms. I really wish I could get her interested in something else.

            “Ayden, you know when I was a little girl I used to love Winnie-the-Pooh.”

            “No,” she said as she grabbed a book and handed it to me, “Buggies.”

            “What about Dr Seuss?”

            Her mouth dropped open and she jumped up to grab another book with ladybugs on the cover.  She’s not even listening to what I’m saying. Obviously she’s Justin’s daughter.

            “Alright, I think we have enough for a little while,” my arms were full of books but I grabbed a couple Dr Seuss ones to add to the pile.

            When we got back to the house I could see Justin sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and Lynn pacing around the room. “Maybe we should go back to my house for a little and let your Daddy and your Granny talk.”

            Ayden didn’t listen to me, instead she just ran in the house.  Justin turned away from his mother and let out a sigh of relief as his daughter ran to him.  “Did you have fun baby girl?”

            She smiled and nodded her head; “I got one of dem and one of dem, and one on buggies.”

            “Cool,” Justin said as he picked her up and I took that as my chance to get away but I couldn’t get too far.

            “Sari, did she eat?”

            I nodded my head, “Yes, she ate everything.” Lynn watched her son carefully and then looked over at me. I think I was interrupting whatever it was that was going on, “Do you want me to take her while you’re talking?”

            “No, we’re done.” Justin stood up with Ayden in his arms, “Thanks for watching her.”

            “Yeah, no problem. I’m going to call about the nanny.”

            Justin nodded his head and I could see Lynn trying to get him to say something but I walked away instead of just standing there awkwardly waiting for whoever had something to say to say it.

            As I walked through the yard I heard the door open and Justin jogged to catch up with me, “Hold on Sari.” I stopped as he caught up to me, “Thanks for everything. I’m sorry I’m such an asshole sometimes. I don’t do well with stress.”

            I know that all too well. “Your mother is making you say that.”

            He looked down and nodded his head, “Yeah, but seriously Sari, thanks. You put up with a lot of shit.”

            “Yeah. It’s my job though.”

            “Yeah,” he laughed, “It is. But thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            Justin’s mother stayed for a couple days but it wasn’t long enough. He really is a totally different person when she is here. The good Justin usually stays a couple days after his mother leaves but who knows if that will happen this time.

            Today was the day we were supposed to go interview for the nanny. I went into Justin’s house at nine thirty and he was already awake, “What are you doing?”

            “Huh?” he asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee, “I’m going golfing.”

            “No,” I answered quickly, “We’re interviewing for the nanny.”                       

            “Shit, that was today?” I nodded my head, he’s an idiot. “I can’t, I’m going golfing.”           

            “Justin, you have to go to interview them. They’re coming, you need to be there.” I can’t believe he seriously thinks he can go golfing when he’s supposed to be interviewing.

            “Sari, I haven’t had a day off…”

            “Neither have I, you need to come.”

            “Why? I don’t know what the fuck to look for. You know, I trust you.”

            I rolled my eyes. He’s trying to make it sound like I’m so amazing so he can get out of it. I’m not buying it.  “You need to come.”

            “I don’t want people to know I have a daughter.”

            That one has me fuming. He’s so worried about his damn image that he hides Ayden. “You need to come.” I repeated. He took a deep breath, I took a deep breath, “I’m not backing down Justin you have to come. I’ll call your mother.”

            “Alright,” he put his hands up in defeat, “Whatever, when do we have to go?”

            “Now,” I answered with another eye roll. He rolled his eyes in response and followed me to the car.  We drove to the office in silence.  Justin is real pissed that I’m making him miss his golfing. “You can go golf after.”

            “No I can’t.”

            “Well then you can go tomorrow,” I really feel like I’m his mother and he’s seven.

            We sat down in the office and waited for the first girl to come in. Justin’s foot was tapping nonstop and it was driving me crazy.

            The first girl that came in could not have been any younger than me.  She walked in, took one look at Justin and literally screamed. She shouted, she threw her hands to her mouth and screamed like every single one of her dreams was coming true.  Justin gave me a look and security came in and took her away.

            “One reason why I didn’t want to come.”

            “OK, but I could have hired her and then she came home and freaked out like that in front of Ayden.”

            Justin smiled and shook his head, “OK Sari, you’re right.”

            “Thank you, see that wasn’t too hard.” I smiled as the next lady came in.  This was an older woman, not really older but like my mother’s age.  She was wearing a nice dress and had her brown hair pulled back. “Hi, I’m Sari,” I stood up and shook her hand.

            “Nice to meet you, I’m Maria.”

            “Justin,” he didn’t stand up but he did shake her hand. I guess that’s worth something.

            She sat down and I asked the questions while Justin just sat there. She seems perfect, she’s been a nanny for 18 years with the same family and only stopped because the kids are grown up, but she still keeps in contact with all of them.  Maria has three kids of her own that are all off in college or have graduated and become successful members of society. She’s sweet and she has that motherly feel to her and I think that it is a very strong possibility that she can help me with Justin too.

            “I like her,” I said after she left, “she has the experience and she’d be really good with Ayden.”

            “Yeah, whatever Sari I don’t care.”

            I took a deep breath, “Well you probably should care Justin, we’re looking for someone to take care of your daughter.”

            “I know, I do care about that. I’m just saying I don’t know what to look for.”

            It’s not that hard, look for someone who you think will be able to take care of her. I really don’t think it’s that hard. He’s so caught up on himself I wouldn’t be surprised if he even listened to anything Maria said.

            The next girl that came in and long black hair, a skirt that was way too short, a top that was way too low, and heels that were way too high.

            “Hey,” Justin stood up for her; he practically jumped up and ran over to her.

            “This is um… Chantal right?”

            “Yeah,” she’s chewing gum too. Who comes to an interview to be a nanny looking like a stripper and chewing gum?

“I’m Justin,” he shook her hand for way too long and they both just kind of stood there making googily eyes at each other.

            “Sari,” I introduced myself even though no one was interested. I sat back down and looked through the papers, as they continued looking at each other, “OK so” nothing. They don’t even know I’m here, “Justin.”

            “Huh?” he looked over at me for the first time.

            “Can we do this?” he looked back at her, “So you can go golfing.”

            “Yeah, take a seat Chantal.” Justin said as he sat down and then she did too. “So Chantal where are you from?”

            “Jersey.” Of course she’s from Jersey, of course.

            “What brings you out here?”

            “Acting.” Of course she wants to be an actress. How did she even get this interview? I thought this nanny agency was supposed to be the best in the land.

            “So have you been a nanny before?” she shook her head, “Do you have experience with kids? Ever baby-sit?”

            “Babysitting isn’t really my thing,” she answered. Um… then why the fuck are you here interviewing to be a fucking nanny?

            “So you have no experience at all?”

            “I have a brother.”

            “Oh, she has a little brother,” Justin answered with a smile, I’m surprised he has moved his eyes from looking at her boobs the whole time to be able to actually answer.

            “How old is your brother?” I asked.

            “Nineteen.” Oh my god. And she’s 22… so I’m sure she had a lot to do with bringing him up.

            “OK, well thank you.” I stood up so hopefully she’ll leave.

            “Yeah, we’ll call you,” Justin stood up and smiled, “We’ll see you later.”

            “So Maria right?” I asked as we drove back to the house.

            “I want Chantal.”

            “OK, but there’s a difference between wanting someone and wanting them to watch your daughter.”

            He laughed at that, “I think she’d be good with Ayden.”

            “You can’t be serious.”

            “I am serious, why not?”

            “Justin you can not hire someone because they’re cute.”

            “I can’t? How do you think you got your job?”

            I don’t know what to say to that.

            He laughed at the fact that I didn’t know what to say, “And look how wonderfully that turned out,” he answered sarcastically, “The fact is she’s my daughter, I’m paying for the nanny so I get to pick out who I like the best.”

            “You’re stubborn though. You didn’t even want to go.”

            “Well thanks for making me go then,” he smiled.

            I took a deep breath, “You really trust this girl with your daughter?”

            “Of course, god Sari, relax. She’ll be fine.”

            I don’t know why I thought that he would actually let me get someone that knows what they’re doing.  I should have known better. Obviously he’s going to pick the worse choice there is so now I’m going to have to add another person that I have to take care of. This is going to be trouble. 

            So Slut-tal as I call her, or Chantal as everyone else calls her, is absolutely pointless.  It’s harder with her here than it was when she wasn’t here. She is completely clueless in life in general; forget about with a three year old. She can’t even take care of herself.

            “Sari how bout… a grilled cheese?”

            “Surely ma’am,” I said as I put her on the counter as I made the sandwich, “You know, you can ask Chantal to make you lunch too.”

            Ayden looked at me like she was trying to figure out what I was saying. “How come?”

            “She’s here to help you. If you need help with something or you need someone to play with and Daddy is busy you can play with her.”

            She curled her lip up and shook her head, “I don’t wanna. I wanna play with you.”

            “I know babe, but I mean if I’m busy.”

            Ayden shrugged, “I don’t like her, she mean.”

            “Why is she mean?”

            “She say… be quiet Ayden, you too loud. And den Daddy say go to room,” she waved her finger in the air like she was being punished, “And den she laugh and Daddy laugh and I come here. And they make silly faces.”

            “Yeah, let’s stay out here away from them.” Ayden nodded her head while I put her grilled cheese on a plate and sat down to eat with her. “Do you have any fun bug facts for me today?” She shook her head, “Didn’t you read any of those books we got?”

            “No, she say that buggies are yuck!”

            “I don’t think buggies are yuck.”

            “Me neither,” she pouted out her lips and I grabbed a book to read to her while we had our lunch.  Justin came into the kitchen followed by a giggling Chantal and went right to the fridge and grabbed a beer for himself and one for her.

 He handed it to Chantal and then walked over to grab Ayden in his hands, “What’s up girls?”

“Daddy!” Ayden giggled, she always gets so excited when he spends time with her, it breaks my heart a little, “Wanna go swimming?”

“Yeah,” he twirled her around before placing her back in the chair, “I can’t though, we have an appointment, me and Sari.”

“That OK, I come and we go lata.”

“No, you’re going to stay here with Chantal, she’ll take you swimming.”

The smile slid off her face as she looked over at Chantal. I followed her gaze to see Chantal picking at her fingernails and I understood completely why Ayden looked so nervous.

“You’ll have fun,” I tried to assure her.

“Yeah, you’ll have fun,” Justin agreed with a laugh, “Chantal will take you swimming, right?” she didn’t answer, “Chantal?”

“Huh?” She’s a complete moron.

“You’ll take Ayden swimming?”

“Oh,” she giggled, “Yeah.”

I really don’t think she should take Ayden swimming. She can’t even pay attention when we’re in the kitchen, she’d totally be the girl that’s out there tanning and leaves Ayden alone in the pool.

“Yea-ya” Justin said as he walked out of the room, “I’ll be ready in a minute Sari.”

And he left me alone with Slut-tal. She leaned against the counter and took a sip from her beer. Meanwhile Ayden finished eating her grilled cheese and sang to herself as I cleaned up.

“So… are you CPR trained? We never asked you that.”

“Huh?”

“CPR?”

“No, I don’t know him.”

Oh my god, she can’t be serious, “Do you know first aid?” she shook her head and I stood up and went right to find Justin.

 He was in his room getting changed and I knocked on the open door as I walked in, “Yeah, what’s up?” he asked as he pulled a shirt over his head.

“I don’t think you should let Ayden go swimming with her.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust her. I mean we’re down there talking and she’s not even paying attention.”

“Relax Sari,” he laughed, “She’ll be fine.”

“No seriously though, I can picture her lying on the lounge chair reading a magazine while Ayden’s in the water drowning.”

“You’re paranoid,” he laughed again.

“I am not. Justin you honestly trust her to be alone with Ayden while she’s swimming?”

“Yeah, I do. She has a lifejacket.”

“So whose to say she’d even put it on her?”

Justin stretched his arms over his head before standing behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders while he walked out of the room, “Relax, you’re so paranoid.”

We walked back into the kitchen to see Ayden ripping up pieces of paper while Chantal sat at the table texting. Justin looked at me; you know it’s bad when even Justin thinks something is wrong. “What are you doing?”

“What?” Ayden asked with a smile, she knows she’s doing something she’s not supposed to be doing.

“What?” Justin repeated, “Pick it up, you’re making a mess.”

I will say I’m impressed that he’s actually being the father for once.  I kind of just stood back taking it all in because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him act so fatherly in my life.  Maybe his mother’s intervention actually worked.

“Come here Ayden, listen to me.” He picked her up and put her on a chair and then squatted down so he was at her level, “I don’t want you swimming until we get back ok? You wait for me or Sari and we’ll go after we get back. Do you hear me? I don’t want you in that water.” Ayden nodded her head and Justin stood up to talk to Chantal, “Just don’t let her go swimming alright?” he looked over at me while Chantal continued texting. I gave him a look to tell him that I know she’s fucking crazy and I tried to warn him but no, he doesn’t listen. “Chantal!” he screamed it and she jumped then he laughed and Ayden giggled but Chantal just looked up at him.

“Huh?”

“Don’t let her go swimming.”

Chantal nodded her head as Justin picked up Ayden, “you’re in charge kid. Watch out for her.”

“Bye Daddy! Bye Sari!”

“Bye Ayden!” Justin shouted back at her.

“Bye,” I said before going over to give her a hug. I really don’t like leaving here alone with this girl who is still on her damn cell phone, “Be good and be careful,” I whispered into her ear and kissed her forehead.

            I got into Justin’s car and sat quietly as he drove off.  He laughed, “What’s your problem?”

            “I don’t trust that girl at all.”

            “She’ll be fine. Ayden can take care of herself,” I looked over at him and he smiled but the fact that Ayden is alone with this crazy girl scares me so much.

            “She thinks CPR is a person.”

            “What?” he asked with a chuckle.

            “I asked her if she knew CPR and she said, I don’t know him.”

            Justin laughed, he threw his head back and laughed for a good minute, “She’s a fucking dumbass.”

            “Yeah. You can fire her and I’m sure we could still get Maria.”

            “Give her a chance. Calm down, you really are paranoid.” My mouth dropped open and Justin threw his mouth open to mimic me, “You know, they say Lexapro can really help with the anxiety, you should probably talk to your doctor.”

            I rolled my eyes, “You’re obnoxious.”

            He laughed; I really think sometimes his main goal is to annoy me. Actually, I’m positive that his main goal is ALWAYS to annoy me. “Did you just hire her to make my life more difficult?”

            “No, I hired her because she’s hot.”

            I took a deep breath; at least he’s honest… I guess. “Where are you going?”

            “You said we’re going to Johnny’s.”

            “No, David’s.”

            He took a deep breath, “You said my fucking manager.”

            “If it were Johnny I would have said Johnny, I never say your manager for Johnny. Oh my god, relax!” I screamed as Justin literally went across three lanes of traffic to get off at the exit. My heart was in my throat, “There are like twenty of cars on the highway and you jump across three lanes?”

            He looked over at me and laughed, “I’m telling you Lexapro.”

            “It is not normal to jump across three lanes and speed like a fucking mad man.”

            “Maybe if you told me where we were going I wouldn’t have had to.”

            “Is David your manager Justin? Yes, he is. I always call David your manager and I call Johnny Johnny. Besides, I said, you need to go meet with your manager about the movie. Why would you see your music manager about a movie?”

            “Alright! Whatever, I don’t listen to everything that comes out of your mouth.”

            “Obviously, which is your problem.”

            “Maybe if you didn’t talk so damn much I’d be able to listen to the important things you say,” he had a smug smile on his face which makes me once again believe he does everything to annoy me. As he pulled into the parking lot there were a few guys with cameras that followed him from the second he stepped out of the car to the second we were in the building. Most celebrity’s deal with the paparazzi by ignoring them, some even go a little crazy and attack them. But I think Justin is possibly the only one in the world to laugh at them. That’s all he does, as he’s walking into the building he laughs hysterically, like he just heard the funniest thing he’s ever heard. I really think there’s something wrong with him. Maybe he has some sort of a chemical imbalance.

            “Call and make sure Ayden’s ok,” he ordered when we got off the elevator.

            “Oh… who’s the paranoid one now?”

            “It’s contagious.”

            “Yeah, contagious,” I answered sarcastically as I went through my bag to find my phone. I really need a different bag so I can be more organized. Maybe a smaller bag would do it, but I need a big bag to hold everything.

            “Watch out! Jesus!” Justin shouted as he grabbed onto my arm, “You’re going to walk into a fucking desk.”

            I wasn’t paying attention so I almost walked into some guys moving a desk into another room. I really need to pay attention and deal with my multitasking skills some other time, “Thank you Justin.”

            He nodded his head, “I got your back, and you got mine. That’s how we roll.”

            Justin is a little kid stuck in a man’s body. “I’d rather work with Ayden. Can we switch and I’ll be the nanny and Chantal can be your assistant?”

            “Chantal can have my back instead of you?” I nodded my head, “I would love for Chantal to have my back. She can have my front too,” he laughed at his own perverted joke.

            “Then let’s do it.”

            “Nah, you know damn well I can’t do that.”

            “Why not?”

            “I’d be fucked without you,” his answer caught me by surprise. I thought for sure he’d come up with some stupid, obnoxious answer. “I need you like water like breath like air, I need you like mercy from heaven’s gate,” he sang making sure to point his finger in the air when he reached the high notes.

            “You have serious problems,” I laughed as we walked into David’s office.

            “You’re in the presence of goodness. People pay big bucks to hear this voice, and you get it for free.”

            “I’m the luckiest girl in the word,” I answered sarcastically.

            “You are. Call Ayden.”

            I called Chantal to check on Ayden three times during the first three hours we were there. I would have called more but every time I excused myself everyone at the meeting gave me dirty looks. My cell phone rang during the first hour and I left the room when I saw it was Chantal.

            “What’s the matter?”

            “I have an audition,” she answered.

            “OK?”

            “Like now… what do you want me to do with her?”

            “What do I want you to do with Ayden?” I asked out of disbelief, she can’t be serious.

            “Yeah.”

            “Um… watch her?”

            “I have an audition,” she repeated.

            “Ok… you’re working though.”

            “I have an audition,” once again she repeated it. I can’t deal with her, I really can’t.

            “I know!” I shouted, “You’re saying that you’re going to leave?”

            “Yes, I have…”

            “An audition. I get it. You can’t just leave her.”

            “Well I have to go, I have an audition.”

            “Right, but you can’t just go. You’re working and you’re watching a three year old, you can’t leave.”

            “I have to leave, I have an audition.” Dear God, help me.

            “What are you going to just leave her?”

            “That’s what I’m saying, what do you want me to do with her?” now she’s getting annoyed. As if I’m the crazy one because of course this hooker should go to a fucking audition while she’s working and watching a three year old.

            “Watch her!” I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, “Chantal you can not leave her alone, she is three years old.”

            “OK, but I have to go, I have an audition. When are you coming back? She’ll be ok for a little while.”

            I don’t even know how to deal with this idiot; it’s like talking to a fucking wall. “Alright, don’t leave until someone’s there. Or you’ll go to jail; do you know what that is? No auditions there, never.”

            “OK but I need to go.”

            “Oh you need to go? Why?” I asked sarcastically.

            “I have an audition.”

            “Oh, you have an audition? Why didn’t you say so?”

            “I thought I did. Didn’t I?”

            She is the biggest idiot, honestly I’ve never even heard of someone being so stupid, “Don’t leave her alone.” I hung up the phone and went back into the meeting.

            “Everything alright?” Justin whispered to me when I sat down with him.

            I shook my head, “Chantal is ready to leave Ayden because she has an audition,” I whispered back.

            “What?” he shouted and jumped up. Everyone else at the meeting stopped and looked at him, “Sorry,” he sat back down, “Are you going to go get her?” he asked me softly.

            “Yeah, I need the keys,” he handed them to me, “Thanks, I’ll come back?”

            “Yeah,” he nodded his head, “I’ll call you when we’re done and I’ll come down, don’t bring her up.”

            “Alright,” I ran to the elevator and then to the car. It’s really sad that I have to race back to the house so the crazy nanny doesn’t leave the three year old so she can go to an audition. This is why I said from the beginning that we should not have let her watch Ayden. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, I could feel it.  This girl is going to kill us all.

            I poured some milk into my bowl of cereal and sat down at the kitchen table across from Ayden and Justin. Justin whispered something into Ayden’s ear and then looked at me with a smile. He has something up his sleeve. He looked back at Ayden and nodded his head.

            “I need more juice.”

            Justin didn’t move, he just looked at me, “I’ll get it for you,” I said softly looking between the two of them for some sort of explanation.

            I walked to the refrigerator and saw a picture taped to it, a picture from the other day of Justin laughing hysterically while we walked into his manager’s office and me looking at him like he’s crazy. “Oh my god.”

            Justin and Ayden both started laughing, I’m pretty sure Ayden doesn’t know exactly why she’s laughing but I know damn well Justin does. “You’re famous now girl!”

            “Oh my god,” I repeated. I look like a complete idiot giving him that look.

            “Next time laugh with me,” Justin said with a laugh, “Don’t make me look like I’m crazy.”

            “You are crazy, why do you laugh?”

            “It’s better than crying right?” He’s so strange. I pulled the picture off the fridge and crumbled it up before throwing it in the garbage and sitting back down at the table, “What’s the plan for today?”

            “Ayden has a dentist appointment,” Ayden smiled when I said her name.  She’s so cute, even Justin noticed it this time and he laughed at her. “Did you fire Chantal yet?”

            “Not yet.”

            “What are you waiting for?”

            “I’m waiting to bang her,” he answered honestly. Sometimes I do wish he would keep that stuff to himself, although I guess I should know better than to ask.

            “So can you do that and then get rid of her?” he nodded his head and I took a deep breath, “Like today?”

            “Yeah, I think I can manage that,” he laughed at the face I made, “I like when you give me shit like that to do instead of signing stuff or calling people. You should give me more chicks to fuck, then I’ll always do what you say.”

            I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the fact that he’s once again swearing in front of his daughter and he just said that he was waiting to fire her nanny until he bangs her AND he wants me to find more girls for him to fuck. He really has no clue.

            “What else?”

            “You don’t have anything to do today. You can go golfing?” When Justin goes golfing it really calms him down.  He comes home and is just chill. There are no crazy needs or screaming, he’ll just sit by the pool or in front of the TV and I never hear a word out of him. I would really enjoy it if he went golfing every day.

            Justin shrugged, not giving much thought to my suggestion, “I was thinking of heading into the studio.” He is such a workaholic it’s unbelievable. We just finished up a thirteen-month tour and he wants to get right back to work. And then he wonders why he gets so stressed.

            “For what?” I asked the question and Justin laughed at me for it.

            “Johnny’s in the studio with the girls.” The girls he’s referring to is the Making the Band girls.  I’m confused about his involvement with them. He seems like he really just wants to help them but I’ve learned a long time ago not to expect too much from him. Plus they are five hot girls so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some ulterior motives.

            “Yeah, he called and said the cameras were there so if you want to go make sure you’re decent.” They also do a reality show, I don’t know if that’s common knowledge or not. Johnny actually told me the cameras are there to make sure Ayden doesn’t show up. I hate how everyone thinks that Ayden is such an issue. I honestly don’t think anyone would care if they knew he had a daughter. I mean they could spin it around and make him so hero for taking her. I don’t know; it just really bothers me that everyone is so ashamed of her. They don’t know how lucky they are to have her.

            He nodded his head, “Are you going to take Ayden?”

            “No, I’m going to let Chantal take her,” I answered sarcastically. I’m hoping that Justin can fuck the girl while we’re gone and she’ll be long gone and never have to see Ayden or me again. That’d be the perfect situation.

            “I was thinking you be the nanny today and I’ll deal with Chantal.”

            “Perfect,” he has never had a better idea in his life, “We’re going to go to the zoo then ok?”

            “Go to the zoo Sari, live it up.”

            Ayden’s face lit up, “I want to see the teddy bears!”

            “Then you’ll have to go to the toy store Ayden, you don’t see teddy bears at the zoo,” Justin answered seriously. It’s so adorable that she would say she wants to see teddy bears at the zoo and he just rolls his eyes and corrects her like she’s not three damn years old.  He was doing well too, I thought today was going to be a good Justin day. Forget that.

            “Actually they do have teddy bears at the zoo,” I corrected Justin when I saw Ayden’s smile slide off her face, “They have hundreds of teddy bears and all kinds of bears too, like grizzly bears and polar bears and black bears.”

            “And gummy bears!” the smile came back on Ayden’s face, this time bigger than before.

            “Yes,” I laughed, “gummy bears and panda bears and dancing bears.”

            Ayden giggled, “And gummy worms?”

            “Of course.”

            “Can we go now?” she jumped up and down, “I wanna go now! Can we go now?”

            “Yes, we should get going,” I looked up to see Justin had disappeared. Apparently we were boring him. “Go say bye to your dad ok?”

            “Bye dad,” she answered softly and grabbed onto my hand pulling me towards the door.

            “I don’t think he heard you darling,” I laughed and picked her up so we could tell the asshole we’re leaving.  As we walked through the house I noticed a trail of pictures on the wall.  I took a deep breath and ripped every picture down. If he used his power for good instead of evil he really could be such a great person. Instead, he spends his time buying at least a hundred copies of a tabloid (which he hates) so he can put pictures of me looking horrible all over his house.

            When I put Ayden down at the door of the living room Justin was lying on the couch watching television. He looked up at me and saw all the crumbled pages of a magazine in my hand and laughed at me. “Whatcha got there Sari?”           

            I rolled my eyes, “So much for not supporting the tabloids huh?” You should have seen how bad he flipped at me when he saw me reading one at a doctor’s office. At the damn doctor’s office! He acted like I bought a lifetime subscription.

            “Sometimes it’s worth it,” he gave me his asshole smile and then looked back at the television.

            “We’re leaving.”

            “Have fun.”

            Ayden ran over to her father and jumped up to give him a hug, “Fuck Ayden, I’m watching television.” I swear to you, he pushed her off.

            He has no fucking clue. I can’t take it anymore, I really can’t. Why would anybody do that? What is wrong with him? Ayden is going to turn out hating her father by the time she’s 5. She’s going to be one of those fucked up children of celebrities that are drinking and on drugs by the time she’s twelve if he has anything to do with her growing up. Sometimes I think she would have been better with her mother. But then I remember she was probably just as bad as Justin, if that’s at all possible. I really need to take her far away from him.

            She gets so depressed when he treats her like that. Her smile is gone and she just kind of sulks away. “Real nice Justin. You’re an idiot.”

            He flicked me off instead of answering. I took a deep breath and grabbed Ayden in my arms before escaping. She was quiet the whole way to the dentist. It breaks my heart. I tried to cheer her up but even my silliness that usually works didn’t. She’s three years old; she shouldn’t have to deal with this.

            Ayden joined The No Cavity Club at the dentist. I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud in my life.  The first time I took her to the dentist was the first time she’s ever been.  Justin had the theory that her teeth were just her baby teeth so there was no need for her to brush them since they’d be falling out anyway. That’s possibly the dumbest and grossest thing I’ve ever heard.

            We both had so much fun at the zoo. I always have fun with Ayden; I really wish I were the nanny. She’s just so adorable and smart and she’s such a good kid. I don’t know what it’s going to take for Justin to realize that and give her the attention that she disserves.

            Ayden spent the whole ride home telling me about all the things she learned about the animals at the zoo. She held onto the teddy bear we bought her tightly and giggled as she remembered things the animals were doing.

            When we got home I helped Ayden up on the counter and grabbed her a drink. As if on cue, Chantal walked down the stairs, straightening out her clothes that were obviously just thrown back on.  She fixed her hair and her shoe as she walked down and Justin followed behind her.  He was straightening out his clothes as well and had that goofy grin on his face that all guys have after they just got some.

            “What was your favorite animal Ayden?” I asked to get her gaze away from her dirty father.

            Thankfully she turned away from the stairs, “The polar bear, no the gorilla, no no the dolphin!”

            Justin didn’t bother to show Chantal out; instead he walked right to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer before sitting down next to Ayden. “Have fun?”

            Ayden smiled when she realized that her father was back to caring, at least for a little while. “Daddy we saw dinosaurs! The big one! The T-REX and da rappy door.”

            “You saw dinosaurs at the zoo?” Justin asked out of disbelief. “Wow, that’s pretty amazing, especially since they’ve been extinct for 65 million fucking years.”

            “Not uh Daddy, I seen um.”

            “A lizard Ayden, they’re called lizards.”

            “No suh Daddy, it was a big one, called a rappy door.”

            “It’s a raptor, and you did not see one.”

            “Yes she did Justin,” I answered and he laughed at me.

            “What are you fucking feeding the kid? Magic brownies?”

            “I love brownies!” Ayden smiled.

            Of course Justin found that funny. It makes me sick that he refers to Ayden as ‘the kid’.

            “They were robots, they have a dinosaur exhibit,” I clued him in.

            “That’s great,” he didn’t even try to sound interested, “Can you two get the fuck out of my face?”

            “Did you fire her?”

            “I did Sari, when are we going to find me a new one?”

            “I’ll find one, you don’t need to be there.”

            “Last time I had to go and this time I can’t?”

            “Last time you found her,” I pointed out.

            “Yeah, last time I found her,” he agreed with a smile, “So when are we going to find me a new one?”

            “You are not coming. I’m finding the nanny myself.” There is no possible way that I’m going to go through that again. No possible way.

            I hate him. I really hate him.

            “Congratulations,” I answered the phone to hear his voice.

            “Hi Daddy,” I know I’m in for it now.

            “First of all, I can’t believe you’ve successfully hidden a child for three years, especially since three years ago you were living at home. We didn’t even notice you were pregnant.”

            I took a deep breath and finished wiping down the table. My father is a therapist so he always knows exactly what to say. I’ve learned a long time ago it’s best when you don’t respond at all because if you do he’ll psychoanalyze it enough to drive you crazy.

            “Do you know how many phone calls I have received in the past three hours?”

            “Probably about a third of as many as I have.”

            “What are you doing Sari?”

            “I know Daddy, but I…”

            He cut me off before I could finish, “You need to quit that job.” I didn’t answer right away and that got him upset. I guess he thought I’d just say ok, I’ll be home in an hour.

            “I can’t just quit Daddy. I’m going to straighten it out.”

            “How do you possibly believe that this is a good idea?”

            “I don’t, but I’m not going to just quit and leave this poor girl with him.”

            “Sari, you’re not her mother.”

            “Obviously Daddy, I know that.”

            “Do you?” he paused and here comes the therapist where he’s going to tell me some deep dark secret that it all means. Except he forgets that I went to school for it as well and it’s not going to work.

            “Yes, I have to go though. Bye Dad.”

            I flipped my phone shut and placed it on the table just as Justin slowly walked into the kitchen. He stretched his arms over his head while yawning and sat at the table.

            “Pancakes or waffles?”

            “Pancakes. Blueberry.” He really thinks I’m his slave, “Please,” his lips formed into a crooked smile, “Mom.”

            “How is that funny to you? In what universe is it funny that your assistant is pretending she is the mother of your child?”

            “In what universe…” he mimicked with a chuckle, “you’re too sensitive.”

            “You’re so heartless,” I responded as I started to make the pancakes, “Where is she?”

            Every single time he shrugs and looks at me like that I want to strangle him. I’m seriously considering how much jail time I would get. It might be worth it. I’m also considering what kind of trouble I would be in if I was to take Ayden and run. Technically it’s not kidnapping since he even said she is my daughter. Honestly, I doubt he would even do anything about it because then people would know he has a daughter and god forbid that happen. I really think I would have a case.

            “She’s your daughter,” that smile is back and I really wish his mother were here to slap some sense into him. I don’t know why she’s not here yet.  She’s usually right on these things.

            Instead of fighting with him I decided to ignore it. I know that will get to him even more. Ayden made her way downstairs in a daze. I’ve never heard of a three year old who hates mornings. She is just like her father, cranky until she gets her breakfast. Except with Justin it’s more like he’s cranky all day long.

            “Good morning Princess,” I picked her up and placed her in the chair next to Justin.

            “Hi Sari! Hi Daddy! Guess what?” Justin didn’t answer her and she just waited for someone to say something.

            “What?” I answered.

            “Oh,” she giggled, “I’m gonna have a tea party, and you can come, and you can come,” she pointed at Justin, “Daddy! Are you gonna come?”

            He looked at his daughter for the first time since she came downstairs, “Doubtful.”

            The smile slid off Ayden’s face, just like it always does when she has contact with her father. If only she really were my daughter, I would never let her frown like that.  Justin’s phone rang and he left the room.

            “Should we make cookies for the tea party?”

            A smile made it’s way back to her face as she nodded her head and stood up on the chair as she played with my hair, “I wanna chocolate chip pancake k Sari?”

            “Of course Ayden. Orange juice?”

            “I do it,” she jumped down and ran to the fridge, “How come Daddy doesn’t wanna?”

            “Daddy’s cranky sometimes. We need to just ignore him. Do you know what that means?” she shook her head, “It means just pretend you don’t hear him when he says mean things.”

            Ayden giggled again until Justin walked back into the kitchen. He sat back at the table and stuffed another forkful of pancakes in his mouth before speaking, “Want to go to the park?” 

            Both Ayden and my mouth dropped open. He seriously wants to go to the park?

            “Why?” I asked the question we both wanted to.

            Justin gave me a dirty look, “What do you mean why?

            “It’s ok Daddy, we having a tea party! And we gonna make cookies!”

            “Yeah, that’s great,” he answered sarcastically, “You can do that after we go to the park.”

            “But I wanna have a tea party,” Ayden pouted, “I wanna make cookies.”

            I sat down next to Ayden and cut up her pancake, “We can do both,” I offered.

            “But I don’t wanna go to the park!” and now she’s going to start her tantrum, “I wanna make cookies!”

            “Why the fuck don’t you want to go to the park?” Justin shouted, and now I’m sitting here between the two of them both throwing tantrums. This is what my job is, how sad is that? “You always want to go to the fucking park when I don’t want to and the one time I want to you don’t so you can have a fucking tea party.”

            Ayden started crying, she now knows how to fake crying and make actual tears form. It’s too bad she’s wasting them with Justin; he doesn’t give a shit if they’re real or fake. “But I wanna have a tea party!”

            “And you can have you’re fucking party after we go! You’re going to go Ayden, and you’re going to have fucking fun!” Justin stood up and stormed into the other room leaving Ayden crying at the table. I didn’t know what the hell to do. He really just told her she had to go to the park and she was going to have fun. And meanwhile, Ayden is stomping her hands and feet because her father is making her go to the park. You would think he was making her go to the middle of the desert. This whole house has gone crazy, and I’m about to follow.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            Justin came downstairs after sulking in his room for the past hour.  He said two words before going outside, “Let’s go.”

            I looked at Ayden who was still sitting with her arms crossed. I never knew a little kid would be so upset for so long, I thought their attention spans were supposed to be short. She should have moved on by now.

            “We’re going to have fun,” I said as I helped her put on her jacket, “We can take a ball,” I suggested but that didn’t work, “What about Teddy?”

            Ayden smiled and ran off to get her Teddy Bear. Hopefully that will work. We walked outside where Justin was already sitting in the car, leaning his head against his arm at the side of the car. His huge aviator sunglasses covered his eyes and for a second I thought he was asleep. Then I heard his voice, “Hurry up!” I wish he were asleep.

            Justin tapped his finger on the steering wheel impatiently while I helped his daughter into the car seat.  We drove to the park in silence except for Ayden humming. From the second we pulled into the parking lot I noticed three cars pull in next to us and eight men with cameras rushed out. I looked over at Justin as he rolled up the windows.

            “What?”

            “You brought her here for a photo op?”

            He took a deep breath and threw his head back, “We’re at the fucking park, she likes the park.”

            “But she didn’t want to go, and you never want to go. But now that it’s convenient for you you’re all over it.”

            “Give me a fucking break Sari, it’s the park.”

            “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have her face on the cover of every magazine.”

            “Well she’s not your kid so I don’t really give a fuck about what you think.”

            Well then.

            After he told me off, Justin got out of the car and helped Ayden out. I just sat there trying to take it all in. I really don’t think she should be photographed. There are too many crazy people in this world. It just doesn’t make sense to me that one day he wants to hide her and the next he’s fine with showing her to the world.

            I followed them even though I contemplated staying in the car. I thought I could cover her up at least a little so she won’t be photographed as much.  There were so many cameras I felt like we were some endangered species or something.  Justin gets photographed often but this is insane. It’s never been this bad.

            On the bright side, Justin played with her all morning. He was running around and they were both laughing the whole time. It’s weird to see him like that, especially since he’s been such an asshole today.

            Three days later Ayden and I were at the grocery store when she noticed the magazines with her face on the cover. “Look Sari! That’s me! And you! And Daddy!” she pointed.

            “Oh yeah,” a smiled formed on my face, at least they’re cute pictures. She looks adorable, she’s even waving at the cameras a few times. Justin looks like he’s actually having fun. I grabbed a copy of each of the magazines and threw them in the carriage before we finished shopping.

            “What does it say? Sari! What do those words say?”

            “It says: Justin out with the girls.”

            She giggled, “That’s Daddy. And me!”

            “And me, gosh Ayden, you didn’t even notice me,” I laughed.

            “And Sari!” she laughed, “You know what? You look pretty,” she stood up in the carriage and played with my hair.

            “Well thank you darling, you look very pretty yourself.”

            Ayden smiled brightly and sat back down.

            As we drove home all I wanted to do was read those damn articles.  Ayden kept asking me what else it said but I knew it wasn’t going to be something she should hear. It’s probably not a good idea to read to her how I’m her fake mother and Justin’s just an amazing guy but not her father.

            I made her lunch and read the article carefully while she was eating. There were no surprises. Basically just stating what a wonderful person Justin is to not only give me a job when I have a three year old daughter, but also to take the time out of his busy schedule to go to the park with Ayden and myself. Insert eye roll here.

            As if on cue, wonderful person Justin came downstairs hung-over.  He sat down across from Ayden, “Let me get coffee.”

            “Hi Daddy! Guess what? We got a picture!”

            Justin didn’t answer her; I slid a cup of coffee over at him so maybe he’ll be a little less obnoxious after some caffeine.

            “Daddy!” she pulled at his arm when she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted, “Daddy! We got a picture!”

            “I heard you Ayden. When I don’t fucking answer you it’s because I don’t give a shit. Don’t say the same thing over and over again. You’re going right through my fucking head.”

            I grabbed Ayden in my arms and brought her right to the guesthouse. She does not need to take that abuse and I will not sit back and let it happen anymore. He needs serious help.

            “Daddy’s mean.”

            “Remember when I said we had to ignore him sometimes?” she nodded her head, “That’s one of those times. Should we go swimming?” Ayden nodded her head but she has that look on her face that breaks my heart. “Do you want to play in the playground or go swimming?”

            “Swimming!” she smiled, jumping up and down in my arms.

            “OK, let’s get changed.”

            Ayden wrapped her arms around my neck to pull herself up. She put a finger on each side of my mouth and pulled the corners into a smile before kissing my nose. “I love you Sari!”

            “I love you too Princess.”

            She giggled and ran up to her room to get her bathing suit on. My phone rang as I followed her and took a deep breath before answering.

            “It’s getting ridiculous,” my father spoke before I could even say anything, “It’s out of control.”

            “I understand.”

            “I’m coming up.”

            “Daddy,” that is the last thing that we need right now, my psychologist father to come up and psychoanalyze Justin.

            “Sari,” he answered, “I’m coming up. End of story. I’ll be there by six.”

            “Daddy, I just don’t think it would…”

            “Sari you are on the cover of ever magazine with him and HIS daughter. Each magazine says that you’re the mother and he’s a fantastic guy for helping YOU out. Did he brainwash you into thinking there is nothing wrong with that? Did you lose your brain when you moved to Hollywood?”

            “I have to go,” I saw Ayden tangled in her swimsuit, “I guess I’ll see you at six.”

            My father is not one to sit back and observe. He is definitely one to step right up and offer his therapy services to Justin whether he want them or not. I know my dad means well but he doesn’t understand how crazy Justin can be. This is quite possible going to be very disastrous. 

            “Ugh Daddy, look what you made me do,” I looked in the back seat of Justin’s car to see Ayden pouting in her car seat with her arms crossed over her chest.

            “What I made you do?” Justin asked out of disbelief, looking in his rearview mirror, “I’m driving.”

            “I know you turn and it go bye.”

            Justin looked over at me and I shrugged, “You did make a sharp turn.”

            He shook his head and laughed, “What did I make you do Ayden?”

            “My pop tart fell. I want it now!” Well wow, she is sure getting the attitude here.  Justin let out a sigh and pulled the car over before reaching back to get her pop tart. He does spoil her; it’s one of those things. He’s either completely rude, like he was before we left, or a complete pushover. It doesn’t make sense.  Justin handed Ayden the pop tart and started driving again.

            “Are there two interviews?” Justin asked me as he drove away.

            “One actual interview, there are two parts. It’s for the same magazine, I’m not sure if it’s the same person interviewing you or not.”

            Justin nodded his head right as a pop tart went flying and hit him on the back of his head, “What was that?” he asked me first but I’m not about to tell on Ayden so I shrugged instead, “Dud you just throw a fucking pop tart at me Ayden?”

            “It was an accident! It was an accident! I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to.”

            “Don’t EVER throw fucking shit at me, especially when I’m trying to drive.”

            “I sorry Daddy! I didn’t mean to do it!”

            “Alright, shut the fuck up.”

            He goes from hot to cold so fast. He was doing better today but that seems to be over.

            *~*~*~*~*~

            I sat down in front of the pool reading one of the articles in the tabloids. Ayden was sitting down next to me when I heard the screen door open and Justin came out in his bathing suit with a towel wrapped around his neck. He sat down next to me, “They got some good pictures huh?”

“Yeah,” I handed the magazine over at him so he doesn’t have to look over my shoulder. “Are you going out tonight?”

            “I don’t know, why?”

            “My dad’s coming up.”

            Justin nodded his head as he flipped through the magazine, “When?”

            “Tonight, at like six.”

            He nodded his head again, “Make reservations somewhere then, we’ll go out.”

            I swear he has a serious problem. It was no more than two hours ago that he literally told his daughter to shut the fuck up. And now here he is suggesting we take my father out to dinner. “Like… you want to go?”

            “Yeah,” he answered with a smile, “your father’s coming up, I should take him out, no?”

            “You don’t have to.”

            “I think I should, to explain some of this shit to him. I’m sure he’s confused.” Understatement of the century. “So make reservations,” Justin smiled as he stood up, dropped the magazine on the chair and picked up his daughter, “Let’s go swimming.”

            It was 6:30 when my father arrived. Luckily for everyone, Justin was still in good father mode. “Hi Daddy!” I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug. It is nice to see my father, even though I know it’s only a matter of time before this whole night becomes a disaster.

            “How are you doing sweetie? It’s good to see you.”

            “You too Daddy, I missed you.”

            “Well, you should come home more,” he placed his arm over my shoulder, “Where is he?”

            “He’s in the other room. Daddy, please don’t do anything.”

            “I’m not going to do anything,” he said as he followed me into the living room. He stopped at the door watching Justin as he lay on the couch holding Ayden over him as she pretended to fly.  She giggled and Justin laughed and my father looked at me with a very confused look on his face.

            I smiled, “Justin, you remember my father?”

            “Yeah, of course,” he put Ayden down and stood up to shake my father’s hand, “It’s good to see you again, how was the drive?”

            “Not too bad,” my father took his hand but didn’t offer much else.

            “And you know Ayden,” Justin picked her up again.

            She giggled and waved at my father, “Hi Sari’s Daddy! I’m Ayden.”

            “He knows that goofy, I just told him,” Justin said as he playfully threw Ayden on the couch. “We have dinner reservations in like twenty minutes. We should get going. I’ll go get her ready and give you guys some time.”

            “Bye Sari! Bye Sari’s Daddy!”

            I waved at Ayden and my father waited until they left the room to speak, “Is this supposed to be funny?”

            “What?”

            “Does he always act like that?”

            “Do you mean go from being cool to a complete asshole?” my father nodded his head, “Yes Daddy, that’s what I’ve been saying from my first day,” I don’t think he ever listens to me.

            “What do you think?” he’s asking for my professional opinion. It’s a shame I haven’t studied in years and I don’t remember too much.

            “I think he’s crazy.” I answered honestly.

            “Sari,” he shook his head and laughed, “was it your idea to go to dinner?”

            “Nope. All him.”

            Justin came back to interrupt us from our diagnosis and we went to dinner. Surprisingly enough dinner was like it would be if Justin were a normal human being, except for the fact there were cameras everywhere following us, taking pictures, and asking me about my daughter. Luckily, my father didn’t start his questioning until we got back to Justin’s house.

            “Justin, I have a couple questions, if you don’t mind.”

            “Go for it man,” Justin sat down with his coffee after putting Ayden to bed.

            “Well, first explain to me the logic in telling the press Ayden is my daughter’s child.”

            He just gets right to it. I sat down on a chair opposite the both of them so I wasn’t choosing sides.  Maybe I’ll be able to be invisible over here and I can just listen instead of taking part of the actual conversation.

            “It was not my idea,” Justin laughed, “They didn’t want it getting out that I have a kid because they think it’ll ruin my image. So there were pictures and they said we should have Sari say she’s hers and that’s basically all there is to it.”

            “Who is they?”

            “Oh, my bad. My managers and lawyers.”

            My father nodded his head and I played with the rim of my coffee mug. “Why is it you don’t want it getting out?”

            “They’ll run with it and make it out like I’m this crazy person that doesn’t know how to take care of my kid and that I don’t know what I’m doing. They’ll go crazy.”

            “Who is they?”

            Justin took a deep breath, I can tell he’s getting annoyed already and no offence to my father but I kind of am too. “The press.”

            “Do you feel like there are people that are out to get you?”

            “They are out to get me, it’s not a feeling it’s a fact.”

            “A fact?”

            “Yes, they follow me around and try to find shit that can get me in trouble.”

            “I see,” my father answered softly, “Do you ever feel alone even when you are surrounded by people?”

            “What the fuck kind of a question is that?”

            Now my father can see the transformation right before his eyes. “I’ll rephrase it, excuse me. Do you ever feel lonely, even if there are people around you? Do you feel like no one understands you and you’re all alone in the world?”

            “I’m not answering that shit. I’m going out of my way to help you understand the shit with Sari, I don’t need a fucking psychoanalysis.”

            “Maybe you do,” my father answered softly, “Do you feel empty inside?”

            Justin looked away from my father and gazed at me, making me feel very uncomfortable, “Sari, I’m telling you right now, if this was your fucking idea…”

            “This has nothing to do with Sari. She can leave, Sari leave. Let’s talk just you and I Justin; I’m not going to tell anyone anything. It helps to get it all out sometimes, and then I can help you.”

            I stood up to leave but Justin stood up just as fast as I did, “Do not leave me alone with him.”

            I sat back down; at least he knows his limits and knows if I leave him alone he’ll kick my father’s ass.

            “I don’t need a fucking therapist.”

            “There is nothing wrong with going to a therapist. I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to listen and offer some advice.”

            “I don’t need advice,” Justin answered angrily. He is not taking this very well and honestly I don’t blame him. My father didn’t exactly ease into it like I had hoped. “I’m going to bed, good to see you.”

            Justin walked upstairs and left my father and I alone in the living room. I will say I’m impressed at the way he took it. It’s a big step for him to just walk away instead of having a screaming match. My father, on the other hand, was not as impressed.

            “Borderline personality disorder definitely, possibly narcissistic as well.”

            “He’s not narcissistic. He’s not like seriously self-absorbed. You just think that because he does what he does,” I don’t know why I’m standing up for the crazy person, but I almost feel bad that my father came in and like automatically labels him with all this shit. Especially since he said he wasn’t going to label him.  There is a reason why I decided not to go into being a therapist. “What about bipolar?”

            “Bipolar is much more intense sweetie.  His episodes would last weeks, possibly days.  They only last a few hours correct?” I nodded my head, “Possibly cyclothymiacs.”

            I nodded my head again, that’s like a mild form of bipolar, I don’t know why I remember that.

            “I do think he should see a therapist. Why is he so against it?”

            “I don’t know Daddy.”

            “So many people are in therapy, especially in his field. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.”

            “I know,” I answered. He’s preaching to the choir here.

            “OK,” he stood up, “If you need help with anything you just give me a call. I still think you need to talk to his lawyers about Ayden, it’s not fair to her.”

            “I know Daddy, I will. Thanks for coming, it was good to see you.”

            “You too, come visit us soon. You’re mother’s worried about you.”

            I nodded my head; my mother’s always worried about something. “I’ll see you soon, tell mom I miss her.”

            When my father left, I let out a sigh of relief. Now I’m afraid of what I’m going to see. I went into the kitchen and Justin was sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of Jack Daniels next to him. “Is he gone?”

            “Yeah,” I nodded my head and sat down next to him, “Sorry about that, I didn’t know that’s what he was coming to do.”

            “It’s cool, fathers are… fucking… fucked.”

            I couldn’t help but laugh at his deep comment, “You’re a father.”

            “Besides me,” he laughed and pushed the Jack closer to me and slid a cup over to me.

            “No, thanks.”

            Justin laughed again, throwing his head back as he did it, “You don’t ever drink?”

            “I do drink.”

            “When? I have never seen you drink. Sometimes you just need to get drunk Sari. You don’t?”

            I shrugged and poured myself a glass, “I don’t know.”

            “Have you ever even been drunk?”

            “Of course I have. I just can’t drink whisky straight from the bottle.”

            Justin laughed, “Get some coke, wuss.”

            “I’m not a wuss. I’m just not a manly man like yourself.”

            “That’s right,” he nodded his head with a smile, “Thank god.”

            “I know, right.” I smiled before taking a sip of the Jack and coke. I could feel it burning down my throat; there is no possible way that’s normal.

            Justin laughed at the face I made, “There’s other shit, don’t drink it baby.”

            “I’m not a baby,” I said as I pushed the glass away from me and grabbed a bottle of Malibu, which I can handle.

            “This is weird.”

            “What is weird?” I asked curiously.

            “You drinking with me, that never happens. You’re usually too busy on your soapbox.”

            I rolled my eyes, “You’re a bad influence.”

            “I guess so,” Justin smiled before taking a swig of his drink, “You have a problem with the eye roll, do you realize that?”

            “What?”

            “You roll your eyes all the time. Too much.”

            “Please,”

            “You’re doing it again,” he laughed, “It’s a serious issue Sari, you don’t even know you’re doing it. Call your father back, I’m sure he could label that as some fucking disorder.” I rolled my eyes again, not on purpose it just happened. He laughed again, “Seriously Sari, your eyes are going to get stuck like that.”

            “Shut up, you’re so annoying.”

            “Whoa,” Justin gave me a look and smiled, “Have another drink.”

            “I will, thank you,” I poured myself more Malibu, “You are annoying.”

            “And you’re perfect,” he answered sarcastically.

            “I am,” I smiled.

            “You sure are,” the sarcasm was very apparent in his tone. 

            “Tick… tock… tick…tock.” I heard Ayden’s soft voice as I opened my eyes. It’s kind of funny that she’s singing her father’s song to wake me up in the morning.

            “Good morning Ayden.”

            “How come you on the couch?”

            That’s a very good question. The answer probably has something to do with the reason why I have this horrible headache. I guess I couldn’t make it back to my house last night after the drinking. But it seems Justin had no problem making it to his bed.

            “I was too sleepy.”

            “Oh,” she giggled and played with my hair, “Daddy sleepy too. He say go downstairs, tell Sari.”

            That’s nice of him. “What did you need to tell me?”

            “I hungry!” she smiled throwing her hands up in the air.

            “Of course you’re hungry, what would you like darling?” Ayden just looked at me and smiled. “What?” I laughed.

            “Ya know what?” she asked, running her hand through my hair.

            “What?”

            “You’re my favorite!” she has such an adorable smile, it’s like she can’t contain her teeth.

            “You’re my favorite too,” I smiled and picked her up bringing her into the kitchen.  “What do we want? Cereal? Scrambled eggs? Pancakes?”

            “Pancakes! Mix a pancake, r32;Beat a pancake, r32;Put it in a pan. r32;Cook a pancake, r32;Toss a pancake, r32;Catch it if you can!” she sang the song, complete with hand movements.

            “You love those songs don’t you?” it’s weird that she’s so much like Justin as far as the music thing goes. I guess it’s not that weird, because she is half of Justin, but it just seems weird to me because he never really shows that part to her. Except when he’s always singing or humming. OK, I know exactly why she’s just like him.

            “Mmhmm,” she giggled, “Can we have a sleepover?”

            “A sleepover? We just woke up.”

            “That’s ok. Later den?” I nodded my head, “Promise?”

            “Yes ma’am, I promise,” I smiled as I cracked an egg in the bowl.

            “Can we go swimming?”

            I looked out the window to see the sky had recently turned black, “I don’t think so, it looks like we’re going to get a storm.”

“Hmm. We can go to the playground?”

            “Rain sweetie,” I laughed, “We’re going to have to do something inside. We can watch a movie.”

            “K,” she smiled, “Mix a pancake, beat a pancake, put it in a pan. Cook a pancake, toss a pancake, catch it if you can!” she sang and threw a napkin in the air at the last part. Ayden giggled, “Sari look! Catch it if you can!”

            “Whoa, you’re good,” I smiled as I finished with the pancakes.

            The morning went by quickly; after breakfast we watched cartoons and had a tea party. It was 11:08 when the worst day of my life began. There was a loud crack of thunder, so loud that the whole house vibrated.  The lights flicked on and off, I looked at the clock to see if we lost power all together. That’s how I know it was 11:08. 

            I heard the rain coming down like hail, so loud I couldn’t hear Ayden talking softly. She ran to me and hugged my legs, “It’s ok sweetie, just a little rain.” I picked her up and walked around the house. She was literally shaking, “Do you want to go see if Daddy’s up yet?”

            Ayden shook her head, of course not. Sometimes he’s good with her during thunderstorms because he knows she gets scared.  But then again, sometimes he’s not. I think she’s getting wise at her young age and doesn’t want to chance it.

            “We could go in the basement?” I suggested.

            “OK,” she nodded her head, not letting go of her death grip around my neck.

            “Don’t be scared Ayden, it’s just God bowling.” I heard someone banging on the door.  I didn’t think she could hold on any tighter, but she definitely did. “OK hunny, I can’t breathe, you need to let go a little. Nothing’s going to happen, it’s just that someone’s here.”

            Ayden knew I should not answer the door, somehow she knew.  She held onto me tightly, crying softly as I walked to the window. Who would come to Justin’s house and knock? Most people that come here have keys.

            Against Ayden’s warning, I looked out the peephole to see a police officer and five other people. My heart started to beat in my throat, faster than it ever had before.  “No Sari, no!” she shouted. The officer banged harder on the door, he must have heard her screaming.

            “It’s ok Ayden, it’s ok,” I need to calm myself down so she can calm down. Why the hell are the cops here? “Justin!” I shouted up but the officers looked like they were about to kick the door open. I took a deep breath and opened the door, forcing a smile, “Can I help you?”

            “Los Angeles Department of Child and Family Services,” the man held his badge in my face, very rudely, and walked right past us into the house, looking around as if he were searching for something.

            “Um… ok? Can I help you with something?” I bounced Ayden in my arms, she’s screaming crying now. “Shh, it’s ok Ayden.”

            “Why is she crying?” the one woman asked me, as if I did something to cause the crying.

            “She’s scared,” I answered in an equally bitchy tone, “She hates thunderstorms, and it’s a little scary for a three year old to have six adults in suits come into her house.  Can I ask, please, why you’re in her house?”

            “We’re from the Department of Child and Family Services. We have received some complaints about Ayden Timberlake and her father, Justin Timberlake. Is he home?”

            My heart seriously stopped beating, “What do you mean complaints?”

            “Complaints,” one of the men repeated, what’s up with the attitudes? “Who are you?”

            “Sari, Justin’s assistant.”

            “Oh,” they all answered, exchanging knowing glances.

            “So what do these complaints mean?”

            “We’re taking Ayden.” He said it as if it were nothing, just another day on the job.

            I couldn’t move, my legs locked, and now I know my heart stopped. They’re taking Ayden? They can’t do that. No one can just come and take Ayden from me… or from her father.  I felt like I was going to faint. I leaned against the wall to support me. “You can’t just take her,” I managed to get out.

            “We have court orders,” he handed me papers.

            “I don’t care! You can’t just take her, what do they think he’s doing to her?”

            “There are custody issues as well. I can’t discuss this with you. Is Mr. Timberlake here or do we have to wait?”

            “He’s here,” I answered softly and walked upstairs. I tried to calm myself down but I couldn’t pull myself together. I was already crying by the time I made it to his door, “Justin!” he’s still sleeping. How is he such a heavy sleeper?  “Justin wake up! WAKE UP!”

            “Alright,” he spoke but didn’t open his eyes, “I fucking hear you. Give me a minute.”

            “No, Justin it’s serious. Get up!”

            “Why are you crying? Calm the fuck down.”

            I grabbed the pillow from under his head and hit him so hard his face was turning red, “What the fuck?” he finally opened his eyes, “What?”

            “They’re going to take her,” I cried.

            “Who?”

            “They’re going to take her, you can’t let them take her, you can’t.”

            “I can’t understand you when you’re crying like a fucking idiot,” he sat up and looked at Ayden who managed to keep it together, although she did look scared to death. “What’s wrong Sari?”

            “They’re downstairs, child services, and they’re going to take her. They said there are complaints, and they’re taking her.”

            His face went white, “They can’t fucking take her.”

            “Go downstairs.”

            “Call my lawyers. Keep her up here with you.” Justin said as he pulled a shirt over his head, “If this is a fucking joke Sari, I swear to god…”

            “It’s not a joke! Go!” I took a deep breath and reached for my cell phone in my back pocket.

 I put Ayden down for the first time and sat on the bed but she wasn’t having it. She crawled and climbed on me, wrapping her hands around my neck, “How come you crying?”

I wiped my eyes quickly; there is no use in worrying her. “Sorry hunny, I just have to call someone for Daddy.”

“OK,” she slowly let go of my neck and sat down on my lap, “Those guys is scary.”

I wanted to tell her not to be afraid of them but I couldn’t. I was scared of them even more than she was.  Justin’s lawyers already knew what was going on. They were on their way, although I think they should have been on their way a long time before these assholes just showed up at the door. The lawyers also should have called us to clue us in about the whole thing.  That would have been wonderful.

It wasn’t until I heard Justin’s lawyers come in the house that I decided to venture downstairs. Justin was yelling, he had been yelling the whole time.  He saw Ayden and me and managed to lower the volume of his voice a little. He took a deep breath, “So you’re telling me, Ayden’s mother, who told me almost three years ago that Ayden even existed and she was giving her up for adoption, now for some fucked up reason wants custody?  She fucking told me that she was going to sell the story to tabloids unless I gave her seven fucking million dollars. And now she wants her back?” his voice got louder and louder as he spoke, “Why? Because she ran out of fucking money?”

One of the men cleared his throat before he spoke, “She saw the story in the papers that your assistant is Ayden’s mother.”

I knew it! I knew that was the stupidest thing they could have possibly done. I knew this whole plan would backfire, but I didn’t think it would get this out of control.

“Well fuck that!” Justin screamed, “Who says we had anything to do with that? You have no proof.”

“There’s more to it than that Mr. Timberlake.”

“What else?”

“There have been reports, concerns over your involvement. Possible abuse or neglect.”

Justin looked like he was about to kill the man that just said that. “Says who?” he screamed, balling his fists to calm himself down, “The fucking crack head that’s all of a sudden trying to be a mother? That’s bullshit and you know damn well she has not been neglected or abused.  Look at this place. Look at Ayden. Do you see one fucking bruise on her? I have never fucking laid a finger on her like that. Neglect. Abuse. Fucking bullshit.”

“We have a court order, Mr. Timberlake.”

“That’s great but you’re not taking her,” Justin looked at his lawyers, “Can’t you fucking dipshits do anything?”

“Say your goodbyes.”

I broke down; I couldn’t believe what was happening. How could they possibly take her away? I held onto her tightly, they’d have to pull her from my arms.

“I refuse to say goodbye to my fucking daughter!” Justin shouted.

“Where are you going to take her?” I asked through the tears.

“There is a foster home set up for her.”

“A foster home?” I need to stop crying so they can hear me, “She’s just going to stay with strangers? You can’t do that, she gets scared, she’s three years old.  She won’t be able to sleep; she’ll make herself sick.  Please don’t do this!”

“You have a court date in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!?!” Justin and I shouted at the same time.

“You’re telling me I can’t see my daughter for two weeks?”

“Can’t she just stay with someone else? Someone she knows? Like she could stay with me. Or his mother, yeah his mother.” Now Ayden’s screaming too. I don’t know if she even knows why but she can tell I’m looking like a complete mess and her father is seething.

“We can’t have her stay with a family member because of the custody issue.”

“What about my mother then? Please, just somebody she knows. She’s too little.  What about his manager? Please.” I don’t even know who to beg to. I don’t know what they want me to do but I’ll do anything. How can they take this little girl away and give her to strangers. She’s so scared. She’s shaking.

“I’m sorry, it’s not possible.”

            The man grabbed Ayden from my arms. He had to pry her off because she was not letting go and I sure as hell wasn’t going to help him. “Sari!!! No!!!!! I wanna go see Sari!!!!!!!” Ayden screamed.

            That killed me right there. I couldn’t even stand anymore I fell to the ground crying. My eyes were clouded with tears I could hardly see her.

            “Get your fucking hands off my daughter! I swear to god I will fucking kill you right here.” Justin yelled as he followed them to the door.

            “Say goodbye,” the asshole had the nerve to put it right in Justin’s face.

            Justin couldn’t take it anymore, he was about to punch the guy in the face but the cops were there to hold him back. “We will lock you up and there will be no chance you ever get custody again.”

            Justin took a deep breath to calm himself down. I kept crying and Ayden kept screaming, “NOO!!!!! DADDY!!!! SARI!!!!! I DON’T WANNA GO!!!!”

            “It’s ok Ayden!” I lied so she would hopefully not be as scared, “It’s going to be ok sweetie. I love you. Daddy loves you. We’ll see you soon.” I looked at Justin being held back, “Say bye to her Justin, tell her you love her.”

            The door was closed before he could,  but we could still hear Ayden screaming. There was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning, but still I could hear Ayden. I could hear her screaming even after the car left.

            I managed to wipe my eyes enough so everything wasn’t clouded. Justin wiped a single tear that slid down his face. I’ve never seen him look so angry, and he’s been angry plenty of times. But this is a new level. He looks like he could kill someone. “You’re fucking fired, and you’re fucking fired,” he said to his lawyers.

            “Justin, we understand how you feel but there was nothing we could have done.”

            “That’s why you’re fucking fired,” he answered calmly, “you should have been able to do something. Get the fuck out of my house.”

            He walked past his lawyers first and surprisingly they actually left. Justin stood in front of me for a second. I thought I was the next one he was going to fire. Who knows what’s going on in his brain right now? He probably thinks this has something to do with me.  Instead of firing me, he held his hand out to help me up. I looked at his hand for a second before grabbing onto it.  “You ok?”

            How could I possibly be ok? I shook my head, “No,” I answered as I felt myself cry again.

            “I know,” he answered softly, his own tears breaking free. It wasn’t just one this time, his eyes were pouring out tears. “I don’t know what to do.”

            Justin cleared his throat quickly and wiped his eyes, as if he just realized he was crying in front of me.  He walked through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels and went up to his room.

            I didn’t see him for the rest of the night. I couldn’t get the image of Ayden being taken away out of my head. And I could still hear her, even at three o’clock in the morning with the thunder rolling and the hail falling. 

            I was afraid to open my eyes when I woke up after the little amount of sleep I actually got. Maybe, if I keep my eyes closed, Ayden will come and wake me up in a few minutes. She’ll jump around on my bed or start singing one of her father’s songs. And I’ll open my eyes with the biggest smile on my face. I will never complain of her waking me up again. In fact, I’ll be thankful that she chose to wake me up instead of her father.

            I’ll take better care of her. I’ll keep her safe and protect her from the scary men as she put it. Maybe it was all a nightmare. Is it even possible to take a little girl away from her family and put her in a foster home with strangers?

            Maybe if I open my eyes I’ll see it was just a dream. I’ll be in my bed and Ayden will be next door, sleeping safely. Or she’ll be in the kitchen with her father eating cereal and humming peacefully.

            I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer that she was still here, somewhere, before opening my eyes. I’m on the couch. That’s not a good sign. I stood up quickly and ran to her room, Ayden wasn’t there. I looked across the hall in Justin’s room. He was lying on his stomach, half of his body falling off the bed, with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor below him. That bottle was full last night when he went up. I really can’t baby-sit him right now.

            My eyes started watering as soon as I realized it wasn’t a nightmare. Ayden really is not here. The tears flowed faster and I went downstairs to get away from the sleeping Justin. Quickly, I made coffee and grabbed Justin’s laptop. I sat down at the kitchen table ready to do research. There has to be a way we can get her back, without waiting two weeks for the stupid court date.

            I grabbed my cell phone from the counter and called Justin’s lawyers. They have to have some idea as to what’s going on, even though they seem to be helpless. They answered after three rings, “Hi, this is Sari. I’m looking into ways we can get Ayden quicker. Like there’s gotta be some way right?”

            “We don’t work for Mr. Timberlake anymore.”

            “What? No, he was just upset.”

            “He let us go, you were there.”

            “He wasn’t thinking straight. Of course you’re not fired. We need you.”

            “Well, he thinks he can find someone else to do our job let him go find them.”

            I took a deep breath, “Are you seriously worrying about your pride right now? He was upset.”

            “Then he can call us and apologize. Don’t waste my time Sari.”

            He hung up on me! He fucking hung up on me! As if Justin fired him for something minor and we’re not talking about a fucking three-year-old girl who I’m sure is currently crying her eyes out.  The thought made me cry again.

            I took another deep breath; I don’t know what to do. Do I really have to start interviewing lawyers? I wonder if Justin called his mother. I can’t do it. I can’t be the one to tell her.

            I sat in front of that computer doing research until 8o’clock that night. It was still stormy and dark I didn’t even realize the day had come and gone.  When I saw the time I decided I should go and check on Justin, at least to make sure he’s still breathing.

            He hadn’t moved from the position he was in when I went up that morning. “Justin,” I called softly. I sat down on the ground next to the bed and reached up to rub his back, “Justin, you should really wake up.”

            I saw one eye open. He opened the other and looked at me for a few seconds, without saying anything or even moving his head and then closed his eyes again.

            “Justin, it’s like eight o’clock at night. You should get up and have something to eat. Then you can go right back to bed.” I know I shouldn’t be talking about eating since I haven’t had anything all day.

            His eyes opened again and I saw that look on his face like he was ready to throw up. I know that look too well with his drunk ass. Luckily I managed to get the trashcan in front of him before he threw up all over the ground and me.

            “OK, then” I stood up and grabbed the empty bottle of Jack. “I’ll be downstairs making something to eat. I could really use your help with all of this.”

            I’m not good with puke, so I decided to let him take care of himself. It’s a good thing; if I stayed there any longer I would have been throwing up with him. I can’t believe he got himself so drunk after last night that he’s not even going to be able to do anything about it. This is a whole day wasted that we could have done something. What am I saying? Of course I can believe it.

            I grabbed a frying pan and put some bacon in it, if I know Justin the smell of bacon will get him up.

            I was right; Justin came downstairs as soon as the bacon was done. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. He scratched his stomach, went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer, then sat down at the kitchen table. I pushed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him, “Don’t you want some coffee?” Justin shook his head and took a sip of his beer.

            He looks horrible. I’m sure I look horrible too but his hair is all messy, his face has stubble growing all over the place. His face just looks different, like there’s something missing. I guess because there is something missing.

            I bit at my lip, wondering if I should be the one to mention Ayden or if he would. “Did you call your mother?”

            Justin didn’t look up at me, he pretended he didn’t hear me and continued cutting up his egg. A minute passed before he answered me, “No.”

            “You have to call her.”

            “I’m not calling her,” he looked right in my eyes, “You call her.”

            “There is no possible way that I am calling your mother.”

            Justin took a sip of beer and then grabbed a piece of bacon in his hand, “I’m not going to fight with you Sari.”

            I took a deep breath, he’s acting like I’m the one causing all the trouble. “You need to call your lawyers.”

            “I don’t have lawyers, I fired them.”

            I can’t believe this is happening, my head fell to my hands, “Justin, you can’t fire them, you need them.”

            “I don’t fucking need them! They’re fucking useless. I’d do better if I were representing myself.”

            “Be serious Justin, they already know everything about before. Like with her mother and the seven million.”

            “I just fucking woke up Sari, give me a fucking minute before you start nagging.”

            “Ayden is with strangers! Do you even fucking care?” I screamed. The thought made the tears stream down my face.

            “Of course I fucking care. Don’t give me that shit.” Justin stood up and went back to the fridge to get another beer. “Stop fucking crying, I can’t even think.”

            I took a deep breath and managed to stop crying for at least a minute. “Why are you drinking so much?”

            Justin looked like he was going to punch me in the face. He turned red and was fuming; I could almost see the smoke coming from his ears. “They took my daughter away, I can’t have a drink?”

            “You can have a drink. It’s 8 o’clock at night and you just woke up and you’ve already had like seven drinks.”

            He took a deep breath and counted the cans in front of him, “One. Two. Seven Sari? Or two?”

            “You’ve been up for ten minutes.”

            He took a deep breath, “You nag like you’re my fucking wife. Stop.”

            I stood up and poured myself another cup of coffee. I guess I probably shouldn’t be nagging him. But he’s not doing what he should be doing, especially since his little daughter is living with strangers, scared out of her mind. I started crying again.

            “Good God Sari! Quit it!” he threw a piece of toast at me.

            “Can you please call your mother? And then I will shut up. Just your mother. And then tomorrow I’ll call for new lawyers. But please just call your mother.”

            Justin shook his head before answering softly, “I can’t.”

            “What do you mean you can’t?”

            “Just like you can’t call my mother, I can’t! I can’t be the one to tell her.”

            I watched him carefully as he looked at his plate. He stood up and grabbed another beer before sitting down again. “You need to tell her though, she could help. And she’ll kill you if she finds out from a magazine or Entertainment Tonight.”

            Justin looked up at me for the first time and I noticed his eyes were already starting to glaze over. I don’t know if he was ever sober, based on the fact that he drank that whole bottle of Jack last night.

            “Why can’t you call her?” Justin asked me softly.

            “She’s not my mother.”

            “You call my mother and I’ll call yours.”

            “Yeah, sure,” I laughed, “Why are you afraid of your mother?”

            “Why are you?”

            “I’m not, I just don’t think I should be the one to tell her.”

            Justin stood up and went to the refrigerator to grab two more beers, “Figure it out Sari,” he headed towards his room and stopped when he got to the stairs, “We need more beer!” he called out.

            My head fell to the table. How can he just go to bed and leave me to be the one to deal with all of this by myself? I shouldn’t be surprised, but for some reason I thought he’d be different when his own baby was taken away. I started crying again, I can’t stop thinking about Ayden. Her little blue eyes full of tears, her tiny fingers gripping at my shirt. I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have sent Justin downstairs to talk to them and snuck out the back with her. I don’t care if it’s child abduction or kidnapping, it would have been worth it.

            Maybe when this whole thing is over I can get custody.  I mean, I don’t know what I’ll do if they call me up as a witness. How can I stand up there in front of all those people and say Justin is a wonderful father? But I’m sure he’s better than Ayden’s fucking mother. It can’t be possible those are the only choices.  At least with Justin she has me, and Justin’s mother.

            I need to call Justin’s mother. I can’t put it off any longer.  It makes no sense that I’m the one that has to call her. I’m not even going to be able to tell her, I know I’m not.  I dialed the number slowly and listened carefully as it rang, praying for it to go right to voicemail so I could tell her to call Justin as soon as she gets it. Although, he’d probably just give me the phone anyway. 

            “Hi sweetie, how are you doin?” her soft southern drawl spoke.  Just hearing her voice made me cry, I couldn’t even speak, “Sari?” now she’s worried, her voice got really tense, “Sari, hunny, what’s wrong? Is it Justin?”

            I shook my head, but couldn’t speak. “No,” I managed to get out between sobs.

            “Ayden?” she took my silence as a yes, “What is it? What happened? Is she ok? Sari, please tell me.”

            “They took her.”

            “Who?” she screamed, now she’s crying too, “Who took her? Did you call the police sweetie? What happened?”

            I took a deep breath, I need to just say it, there’s no use in getting her more worked up than she is.  “Child Services took her. They said the mother wants custody and there’s a hearing in two weeks.”

            “Two weeks?” she shouted, “That’s absurd. Where are Justin’s lawyers?”

            “He fired them.”

            “What?” she screamed, “I’m coming, I’ll be on the next flight.”

            “Thanks,” I answered softly.

            “Where is Justin?”

            “In bed.”

            She took a deep breath, “Why didn’t he tell me?”

            “He couldn’t.”

            “I’ll be there in the morning sweetie. I’ll call when I get in.”

            I heard the front door open and close when it was still dark out. I looked at the clock to see it was six o’clock in the morning and wondered why the sun decided not to shine for the second day in a row. Justin must have left to pick up his mother, I’m surprised that he didn’t make me go, although I know he’s still scared of his mother so that may be why. I feel a lot better knowing she’s here. If anyone can make Justin get his act together it’s her.

            The coffee was brewing and I went back to sit on the couch, or my bed for the past two nights. I knew as soon as Justin’s mother came we would get right to business, so I stood up again and decided to make pancakes. They walked in a few minutes later. Justin went right upstairs to his room and Lynn came into the kitchen. She sighed when she saw me, offering a weak smile, before giving me a hug only a mother can give.

            “Are you doing alright sweetie?” she asked me.

            I shrugged, unable to hold in my tears while actually seeing her. She cried too, but only for a second, before telling me not to cry. She told me she would find the “best darn lawyer in the world” to figure this out and I had nothing to worry about. We ate pancakes when Justin came down a few minutes later, handing his mother a pile of business cards he had received over the years.

            She waited until we all finished our breakfast to speak again, “Justin, clean yourself up and then clean this place up. I’m fixing to call about lawyers and I’ll have them come over today, you can’t have this house looking like it does,” that’s my fault; I haven’t exactly been cleaning like I should have been. Justin stood up and grabbed the empty plates automatically, placing them in the dishwasher. How does she get him to do whatever she says? “Sari, sweetie, call Child Services and find out if Justin can meet with this girl, what’s her name Justin?”

            “Amber.”

            “Amber. Try for tomorrow, and find out if there’s any way we can move up the court date. Let me know when you hear something, and I’ll do the same.” Lynn said as she stood up and walked to Justin’s office.

            Justin stood by the sink, waiting for his mother to leave, before pouring bourbon into his cup of coffee. He looked at me while he swirled the mug in his hand, “Aren’t you going to call?”

            I nodded my head, walking out of the room.  He is worrying me with all his drinking. Maybe I’m overreacting, he did just get his daughter taken away and he’s always been a pretty big drinker. I just don’t want him turning into an alcoholic after all of this, that is if he hasn’t already.

            He caught me watching his as he chugged the whole glass and then poured himself another, “Want some?” he offered.

            I shook my head, “No.”

            “Then go call.”

            Justin’s mother found a lawyer who came to the house that night, asking questions and trying to understand what happened. This new lawyer, Gabe Coulter, seems to know what he’s doing and he has a very impressive resume. I hope he can do what we need him to do. I was able to set up the meeting with Amber, although I was hung up on when I asked if we could have Ayden there. I wasn’t trying to be selfish, although I did need to see her. There was a chance that seeing Ayden with Justin would make everyone see that he’s not a horrible father. Especially after all this, I know he would be great.

            “You have to come in with me Sari,” Justin said softly as we walked into the Child Services office, “You have to calm me down, I’ll fucking kill her.”

            “And then you’ll be in jail and you still won’t be able to see Ayden. Just relax and don’t make a scene. You need to look like the normal one, let her act crazy.” I tried to comfort him, but judging by that look in his eyes I know there is no possible way he will remain calm and collect through this whole meeting with Ayden’s birth mother. I can’t call her just the mother, because no mother would do what this lady has done.

            “Mr. Timberlake, you can follow me,” an officer said the second he opened the door.

            “Thank you sir,” Justin said, turning up the charm and manners as needed. He’s good at charming people; I just hope they all fall for it.

            I definitely wasn’t surprised when we were led into an empty room. The officer told us Ayden’s birth mother- Amber Watts- hadn’t arrived yet. It’s good to know her name so I don’t have to refer to her as Ayden’s mother because she sure as hell isn’t.

            We sat in silence at a conference table for what seemed like hours. I tapped my fingers, a nervous tendency, until Justin told me to stop. He tapped his foot against the chair the whole time and popped his lips, but I refrained from telling him he was doing the same. It was forty-five minutes later when she walked in.

            She was short, maybe five foot three at the most, wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a white wife beater. Her blonde hair was down to her shoulders but looked like it hadn’t been combed in weeks. I immediately looked over at Justin, wondering how drunk he must have been to actually sleep with her in the first place; she was definitely not his type. I looked back at her, there were dark circles under her eyes, either she hasn’t slept or she’s on something, I would tend to go with the latter.

            A man, I’m assuming to be her lawyer, came in behind her, followed by Justin’s new lawyer his mother found. Each of them took a seat next to their client while three other people in suits sat down in the middle, and two stood to the side.

            Justin glared at Amber; she did not make eye contact even once. Instead she looked down at the table or at the door, looking for an escape. She did look at me, eyeing me over, before turning her gaze back to the table in front of her.

            “Did you run out of money?” Justin was the first to speak. He was shooting daggers at her with his eyes.

            Amber didn’t answer right away; instead she looked at her lawyer.

            “Mr. Timberlake,” one of the men in suits spoke up, “I’m Bob Collins,” he continued to introduce himself and his duty but Justin couldn’t care less.

            “That’s great,” he broke in holding his hand up to the man before glaring at Amber once again, “Can you answer my fucking question?”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” was her response.

            “Alright,” Justin nodded his head, getting more tense by the second, “Play dumb. Or are you stoned enough that you don’t remember?”

            “Mr. Timberlake-“

            “Mr. Collins,” Justin answered back in the same tone, “Amber over here, was paid seven million dollars to keep her big mouth shut.”

            “That’s not true,” she answered, looking up at Justin for the first time, although never looking into his eyes.

            “We have it in writing, sweetheart,” Justin answered, leaning across the table to be closer to her, “Answer the fucking question.”

            “I just want my baby.”

            Justin laughed, threw his head back and laughed, “You just want your baby? The same baby you told me you were going to put up for adoption and wanted nothing to do with? The same baby that you dropped off at my doorstep three years ago for seven million dollars that you spent on fucking pills and powders?”

            “Mr. Timberlake, you do not know my client has ever taken any drug…” her lawyer spoke up, causing Justin to laugh again.

            “Your client has taken every drug.”

            “She’s my baby!” Amber shouted.

            “She is not your fucking baby. You gave that up. You don’t want her, you want money, you want your name in fucking magazines, you want my career ruined. You don’t give a fuck about Ayden.”

            “Of course I do, I’m her mother!”

            “You’re not her mother,” I spoke up and felt everyone’s eyes on me, “A mother doesn’t scare a little girl half to death and make her leave all she knows to go stay with foster parents just because she has an issue with the father.”

            “Says the girl pretending to be my daughter’s mother.” Amber answered with a half smile.

            I wanted to tell her I was more of a mother to Ayden than she’d ever be, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, Justin spoke, “Fuck you. You don’t know one damn thing about Ayden, she doesn’t even know who the fuck you are."

            “Mr. Timberlake, please.”

            “Don’t fucking tell me please. This bitch came into my life for one fucking night. A year later she shows up at my door telling me I have a daughter and she’s going to tell every fucking magazine in the world and make four million dollars then put the baby up for adoption. I gave her seven million dollars to shut her mouth. Then I said I didn’t want a child of mine to live in a fucking home so I’d take her in, no questions asked. Now three fucking years later this bitch comes into my life once again, and Ayden’s in a goddamn home. Tell me how any mother would do that? Any mother that wants what’s best for her fucking daughter. This girl doesn’t give a shit. She wants money, and that’s all. Ayden’s in a damn home with strangers! She sees absolutely nothing wrong with that!”

            Everyone was quiet, letting everything process. Justin was breathing heavily, a part of me wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I felt like I shouldn’t. Amber sat still, running through what she wanted to say next in her head. A few of the men wrote things down, while the rest of them watched carefully.

            “Can we see her?” I asked the question that had been running through my mind since the second we were told about this meeting. “Please, can we see her?” I looked around, not exactly sure who I should be directing my question to.

            “She’s not here.”

            “We can go somewhere, can we visit?” I asked again, my eyes starting to tear up. I tried to wipe my eyes because I know how much Justin hates it when I cry about this, but I couldn’t.

            “We’ve found that it’s harder on both the child and the parents to have multiple goodbyes.”

            “But she needs to know we care, and we’re still here, and we’re fighting for her.”

            “Who are you?” Amber shouted, “You’re his fucking assistant. Ayden doesn’t need to know you care; she doesn’t need to know you’re fighting for her. You’re not her mother.”

            I tried to stand up but Justin grabbed onto my wrist. If we were not in the police station and there were not people all around me I would have been across that table, pounding her head against the wall seconds ago.  “You’re not her mother,” Justin answered calmly, “You don’t want to be her mother. Just admit you want more fucking money and we’ll deal with that. Let me take Ayden home and we’ll work something out.”

            Why is he saying he’ll give her more money? She should not get more money. She should be executed. People like her should not be allowed to have children. There should be some sort of a law.

            “I don’t want money. I want my daughter.”

            “Well go home Amber, pop a couple more pills, smoke a little more crack and think about that. Because you know damn well that’s not what you want.” Justin pushed his chair out, “And next time don’t waste my fucking time.”

            “Please, can we see her? I’ll do anything,” I looked around the room, “I just want her to know we didn’t forget about her.”

            Amber had the nerve to laugh at me. I wish I could meet her in a dark alley sometime and give her a piece of my mind. Justin grabbed onto my hand and towed me out to his car.

            “What a fucking waste of time,” he said as he drove away, “And that crack head actually thinks she can win this.” I could see Justin look over at me from the corner of my eye. I was busy looking out the window with tears falling down my face, “She can’t win, Sari, she’s not going to win.” He put his hand on my leg to comfort me. “And you were supposed to keep me calm.”

            I let out a quick laugh, “I didn’t let you kill her.”

            “Yeah, you were about to kill her for both of us,” he laughed, “Damn girl, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

            “You should have let me go.”

            “I should have,” he nodded his head.

            “What could you have possibly seen in her? She’s disgusting.”

            Justin laughed, “I was very inebriated. She was prettier, back then, she wasn’t as fucked up. Not hot by any means, but decent. And I was cocked out of my mind so any piece of ass was a good looking piece of ass.”

            “You’re horrible.”

            “It was four years ago, give me a break,” he smiled.

            I nodded my head and looked up to meet his gaze, “Would you change it? If you could go back in time would you?”

            “Nah,” he answered right away, “Then I wouldn’t have Ayden. It’s worth it. Sure, there have been a couple speed bumps along the way, and now we got a fucking ditch, but having Ayden is worth it all. I’ll get her back. I will not let her be with that woman. Don’t worry, I promise you I will get her back.”

            Today marks the halfway point. It was a week ago today that they came to take Ayden away and the sun has not come out since.  My heart has not worked properly since that day. Besides that, not much has changed, although I have made it back to my bed to sleep… or at least to lay down and look at the ceiling, I haven’t been able to sleep. My eyes may close, and I may loose consciousness for an hour or so, but even in my sleep I think of Ayden. Even when I’m sleeping, she permeates my dreams and I can still see her sad face screaming as she was being taken away. I wake up from each of these short spurts of unconsciousness in a cold sweat, with my stomach in knots. I pray it was just a nightmare, even though I know it’s not. At the beginning I thought it was, but now I’m sure it’s real, and my heart will forever be broken.  

            It sounds crazy, but sometimes at night when I can sleep, I feel like I can hear her crying. I can hear her screaming out for me because she can’t sleep either. Wherever is he, she can’t sleep either.

I fell like I could have done more. I could have somehow convinced them to leave her. Somehow they would have been able to understand that she’s too little to be put through situations like this. It’s not fair for her to be punished. She didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not fair that her parents are such screw-ups; it’s not her fault. I could have moved out for the two weeks with her. Forget about Justin, I would have made sure he didn’t see her if that’s what the court wanted. I would have kept her safe and away from her fears. But I didn’t. I know there had to be a way I could have but I didn’t. 

Now I need to spend every minute of my life figuring out how I can get her back. This time I will not just do what they say. I’m going to find a way. Somehow, I’m going to think of something no one else has thought of and get her back. I know that there has to be something I can do, I feel so helpless.

            I pulled a sweatshirt over my head, leaving the hood up, and ran to Justin’s house across the yard. It was dark inside, as if it were night, and strangely quiet. I turned the light on and saw a note on the refrigerator.

I went to breakfast with Johnny to discuss some things. Then I’ll go to the grocery store to get some food for the house.

Justin- Cut the grass! It’s up to my ankles and you don’t have to wait for the yard workers to get here.

Sari- sweetie, do something for you. There’s nothing more we can do but wait.

            How can I do something for myself? The only thing myself wants is to have Ayden back. I went upstairs to check on Justin because it was already eleven o’clock. I don’t know how I slept that late, although the fact that the sun hasn’t come out in a week might have something to do with it.

            Justin was still sleeping, on his back this time, with his arm over his head. That probably means he wasn’t too drunk when he went to sleep, that’s a good sign. He did seem to be in a good mood last night. He’s not worried anymore, he’s confident that he’s going to get her back. Personally, I think he might be a little overconfident.  I just hope he doesn’t stop trying so hard because he thinks it’s going to be easy.

            Maybe he didn’t even drink last night. That’s probably a stupid thought.

            “Justin,” I whispered. There is a good chance he’s already awake but he’s just pretending he’s not. I sat down on the bed next to him, “Justin, it’s like eleven o’clock, you wanted me to wake you up early. And your mother wants you to cut the grass before she gets back. If you don’t even start by the time she gets back she’s going to be upset.”

            I felt Justin’s arm around my waist and before I could do anything I was being pulled down on the bed, with Justin’s arm around me in a spooning position. I felt his warm breath by my ear “Calm down, you’re so stressed.”

            “What are you doing?” I tried to push him away but he’s much stronger than I am so I didn’t get very far.

            “I’m tired.”

            “That’s great, I’m not. Let go of me!”

            He chuckled in my ear, “You’re so stressed.”

            “Yeah I’m stressed, and you’re not helping.”

            Justin laughed again before whispering in my ear, “I can help.”

            “By letting me go? That would be a big help.”

            “Nah,” he answered softly and with one swoop I was on my back with Justin lying on top of me. He held himself with one hand and the other was at the waist of my sweatpants. He had that cocky smile on his face as he spoke, “Sex happens to be the number one stress reliever.”

            I rolled my eyes and slapped his hand away from my pants, “No, yoga happens to be the number one stress reliever.”

“OK,” he nodded his head, “Imagine what a good relief it would be if we put the two together.”

“No thanks, sex with you would give me more stress.”

            “I doubt it.  After sex with me you won’t even be able to think straight. Stress will be the last thing on your mind.”

            “Please,” I laughed, “I highly doubt that.”

            “It’s true. Let me prove it to you,” he smiled a crooked smile and slid his hand down my waist, starting to pull my sweatpants down.

            “No, you’re a creep, get off of me,” I slapped his hand away, “Seriously Justin, don’t make me kick you in the balls.”

            He didn’t move, so I kneed him in the balls. I warned him, it’s not like I was unfair and it was a surprise.  Justin laughed, but I did get him off me, “damn girl.”

            “Yeah, damn,” I stood up and walked to the door, “Mow the lawn Justin, ok? The lawn. And straighten your shit out.”

            How can he possibly be thinking about sex right now? Every time I think Justin is changing and he’s actually got his head in the right place he goes and does something stupid like that. I went downstairs and poured myself a cup off coffee and grabbed onto Justin’s laptop. There has to be something more I can do, there has to be a way that we can be sure to get her back.

            I heard Justin stomping down the stairs and took a deep breath; I almost wish he’d stay in his room forever. He laughed as he walked into the kitchen, going right to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer.

            I looked up at him and rolled my eyes before turning my attention back to the computer, “It’s eleven o’clock in the morning.”

            “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” he answered with a smile, “Why are you always looking up shit on the computer. Is that going to solve all our problems?” he sat down across the table from me and smirked.

            “I’m trying to get your daughter back. Unlike you, I haven’t slept since she’s been gone and I want her home.”

            “Fuck you,” he answered quickly, gazing at me, “why the fuck do you think I’ve been drinking? I can’t fucking sleep without it.”

            He silenced me with that comment, although that clearly isn’t the way to solve his problem. It’s a way to get more problems, that’s for sure.  But someone as dumb and uneducated as himself may get confuse.

            “Besides,” he continued, “There’s nothing else to do but wait. I got it under control.”

            “How do you have it under control?”

            He smirked again, waiting a few seconds to answer, “Drug test, easy as that, she’s obviously on shit.”

            I took a deep breath and continued searching. He’s no better himself, “And you think they won’t make you take one too?”

            Justin took another sip of beer before answering, “I’m clean.”

            My eyes automatically rolled and I didn’t even bother looking up from the screen this time. “J, I highly doubt all you’ve been doing is drinking up there.  Don’t tell me you haven’t been smoking up there too, I was just in your room.”

            He took a deep breath, “that’s fucking bullshit. She’s on hard shit.”

            “I doubt they care.”

            Justin stood up but this time he grabbed a cup of coffee instead of another beer.  Maybe he finally realized he’s not helping anything with the drinking. “That’s retarded, I never smoke in front of her.”

            “And I’m sure that will go over well with the judge,” I answered sarcastically, “then you’ll both lose custody.” They both lose custody. Could they both lose custody? I didn’t even think of that, I just though he would lose it and the crazy whore would get Ayden. There is no possible way anyone in their right mind would give that lady custody. But what if they don’t give it to Justin either?

            Could they do that? Then what would happen to her? She’d probably be in foster homes, passed around like a hot potato. Or she could be adopted… she could be adopted.

            I feel like everything is finally clicking in my head.

            “Hello? Are you in there Sari?” Justin asked with a chuckle.

            “Oh, sorry,” I didn’t know he was still talking, “What?”

            “You phased out there, I thought I lost ya for a second. How long does weed stay in your system?”

            “I don’t know, like 90 days?”

            Justin laughed and poured himself more coffee. I must say I’m impressed that he’s drinking coffee. “You don’t know, cause you’ve never smoked right?”

            “Right.”

            He laughed again, “Never in your life?” I shook my head, “Because you’re perfect.”

            “I guess so,” I answered with an eye roll.

            “Bullshit, I’m calling you out. Admit that you’ve smoked before.”

            “I haven’t.”

            “Sari…”

            “Justin,” I looked him in the eye, “I never have, I don’t like the smell.”

            “So you’ve smelt it?”

            “Yes,” I took a deep breath, “I’ve been around people who smoke, hell I’ve been working with you for how many years?”

            “Cute,” Justin laughed, “I still don’t believe you though, you must have at least tried it.”

            “No, I haven’t and I don’t care if you believe me or not. Can we focus on what’s important please?”    

            “Yeah, let’s focus on what’s important. Like what you’re making me for breakfast,” he smirked and threw a crumbled napkin at me.

 I’m too busy thinking to get mad, “What do you want?”

“How about an omelet. You do make the best omelets.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I answered softly as I grabbed some eggs, “Can you stop talking though? I’m trying to think.”

Justin chuckled and nodded his head, “Think away.”

He’s so annoying.  I’m confused about this whole situation. I need to find some answers. If Ayden gets taken away from Justin and the crazy girl whose name I forget doesn’t get her either, what happens to her? Could they possibly give her to someone else?  Like possibly someone that’s already in her life? Someone she already knows and is comfortable with? Or would they give her to a complete stranger? And if they did, would we be able to visit her or would we have to act like she never existed? I can’t deal with all this; it’s far too stressful.

“Quick question,” Justin broke my thoughts.

I took a deep breath, “What Justin?”

“Am I supposed to be shaking like this?” he held out his hand and it was trembling, like there’s something seriously wrong with him.

“Why are you shaking?”

“If I knew why I was shaking I wouldn’t be asking you genius.”

“Well… stop then.” He laughed at my solution; I guess he has reason too. It's obvious he can’t stop. I grabbed onto his arm and held it, trying to stop it.  It would not stop; in fact he made me shake. “Maybe you’re hungry, have you eaten or do you just drink?”

Justin rolled his eyes, clearly not enjoying how I mention his drinking. “Have you given me food?”

“Am I your cook?”

“That is part of the job description, yes.”

I shook my head and took the omelet out of the pan, “It’s probably just because you’re hungry, and in the last ten minutes you just had three cups of coffee. Chill with it.  You overdo everything.”

“Then the shaking will stop?” he asked seriously. It’s quite possibly he thinks I know everything, I don’t. I have no idea why he’s shaking and I sure as hell don’t know if eating will make it stop. I nodded my head, it better work. I can’t deal with anymore stressful situations. I’m one away from having a serious nervous breakdown myself. 

            This has been the longest week of my life. I just miss Ayden so much. There is no possible way I can make it another week. This is complete bullshit. How can they take a little girl away? I just don’t get it. It makes no sense.

            After I made Justin his omelet I went back to the guesthouse to make some phone calls. I have a lot of questions and I need someone to answer them before I drive myself crazy. Justin needs to take care of himself for a few minutes while I figure this shit out. I hope his mother comes back soon.

            My cell phone was sitting on the coffee table and I grabbed it and fell onto my couch.  Before taking a deep breath I dialed the number to Child Services and waited for what seemed like hours pressing buttons to get to an actual person to speak to.

            “Department of Child Services,” I finally got a person.

            “Hi um… I have some questions. If there’s a custody case and neither parent is found fit, would the child be put up for adoption?”

            “Yes ma’am, either adoption or foster home depending on the parent. We, of course, want the child to go back to a parent if at all possible. Different classes or visits with social workers can help give custody back to the parent.”

            “And if the child were put up for adoption would it be to a stranger or could a family member or friend step up at take custody?”

            “That all depends on the case. Some cases that is preferred so the child can still have a relationship with a parent, while others it is forbidden. It all depends on the parent, some cases the child has been taken away for abuse or other reasons and the parent is not allowed to have any part of the child’s life. Is there a specific case I can help you with?”

            I took a deep breath, “Yes.”

            “Well, I can give you more information if you give me specifics.”

            I ignored her offer; I obviously can’t give her more information. “If she’s put into foster care before the parent gets his act together is it possible for family or friends to still visit her?”

            “Ma’am I’m sorry, it really depends on the situation. I’d be happy to transfer you to someone that is working directly on your case if you give me the information.”

            “No,” I heard the door open, “Thank you,” I slammed the phone down quickly just as Justin walked into the room.

            “I’m seriously fucking shaking,” he held his arm out, it is shaking like crazy, “What the fuck is that smell?”

            I looked around the room; I don’t smell anything, “What is wrong with you?”

            “I don’t know, your house fucking smells.”

            “It does not,” I stood up and went to the cupboard and handed him some crackers, “Eat something, you’re freaking me out.”

            “I just ate, it’s not that.”

            “What about coffee? Have you had a lot of coffee?”

            “I had a cup, what the fuck is that smell?” his face is like disgusted by this smell. There is no smell. My nose isn’t stuffed up, I’m not sick, if my house stunk I would know it.

            “Maybe you should go lay down,” I suggested.

            He shook his head, “I can’t, the lawyers are coming.”

            “Not until later, I’ll wake you up. Go,” he’s acting like he just stopped taking drugs. Shit. “Justin, when’s the last time you had a drink?”

            He turned at the doorway, “I told you, I just had a cup of coffee.”

            “Like alcohol?”

            “Last night, I’m done.”

            I took a deep breath as my head fell back. “Why do you have to be a fucking alcoholic?”

            “Fuck you, I’m not an alcoholic.”

            “You’re having withdrawals Justin, that’s why you’re shaking and everything smells, and you’re sweaty.”

            “What you’re a professional now?”

            “And why you’re so moody,” I continued, “I went to school for this Justin, you forget that. You have a meeting with your lawyers and a court case in a few days and you’re having fucking withdrawals,” as if this whole situation could get any worse.

            “Well what the fuck? You want me to keep drinking?”

            Yeah, that’s a great idea dumbass. I really need to get Ayden away from him. “No, just go sleep and don’t think about drinking. I’ll go call your doctor and he can come see you and give you some pills or something.” I took a deep breath and continued softly, “Sorry I freaked out, I’m stressed. It’s good you stopped drinking, I’m proud of you. Don’t give in, all right? Call me if you need me.”

            “Where are you going?”

            “I have some errands to run, you’ll be ok right?” Justin nodded his head and walked back to his room. He is trying, that’s a plus. I just wish he could have got his act together a while ago and this whole thing would have never happened.

            I grabbed my things and followed Justin into his house. I watched him go upstairs before I raided his liquor chest and hid everything just incase he has a moment of weakness. This is going to be a very long and annoying few days.

            As I drove out of the driveway I made an appointment for Justin’s doctor to come to the house later on. Hopefully, it won’t interfere with his lawyers because that could cause even more problems. Everything is so hectic. I probably shouldn’t have left Justin alone but his mother will be there soon. I need to try to get this whole thing figured out.

            I parked my car in the parking lot at Child Services and took a deep breath before I was able to get out of the car. The truth is, I don’t really know how much I’m going to get accomplished here on my own. All I really want is to be able to see Ayden, at least to know she’s all right. I mean I’ll even take a phone call. It’s not fair that they take her and we’re completely cut off for a whole week. And we’re not even done yet. It’s bullshit.

            They recognized me as soon as I walked in and brought be to a conference room in the back. The two women closed the door behind me and sat down at the table. Nobody said anything, so I figured I’d be the one to speak first. “Um. Nobody knows that I’m here and I really hope it doesn’t hurt the case. I promise I’m not here to change your mind about anything; I just want to see Ayden. I don’t know what it is that you want me to do, but I’ll do anything. I just want to see her; I just want to hold her. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, I just want to tell her that I love her and I’m doing my best to get her back.” I wiped my eyes because I was crying once again.  “I’m sorry I’m crying, I’ve been crying nonstop for the past week. Please, let me see her? I won’t tell Justin or his mother, or anybody that I got to see her. Not even his lawyers. I’m not related, so it won’t be breaking any custody battle. I’ve just spent the past two years with her and I’ve never been away from her for even a day until you guys took her away. She’s like a daughter to me and my… my best friend and I really… please... please let me see her.”

            I had to stop because I was crying so bad it was hard for me to speak. “I know I’m not her mother, and it’s not that I’m trying to be. OK, so maybe I am a little but it’s just because she’s such an amazing little girl. And nobody appreciates it and like, she needs a mom. I know I’m young and I’ve never even like had a dog but with Ayden it’s just like easy. It’s like she’s my little soul mate and I need to see her. Please? I got a new book for her about bugs. She loves bugs and books and I bet they don’t have any for her where she is. And she forgot her teddy bear and she can’t sleep without him and I have it. And I need to give it to her. Please.”

            They looked at each other instead of answering me. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and tried to pull myself together. I hope they don’t think I’m some crazy girl.

            “I’m going to need you to sign some paperwork first and then I’ll take you over. But I need to stay with you the whole time, you won’t have any alone time.”

            “Oh my god, thank you. Thank you so much,” my head fell into my hands and the tears kept flowing, “Thank you, really. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

            I’m probably not supposed to hug her but I did anyway. I want to buy her a house or something; I can’t believe I’m going to be able to see Ayden again. I signed all the paperwork quickly and followed the lady to her car.

            “I’m sorry, what was your name?” I asked as I tried to straighten myself out. I can’t stop crying.

            “Lauren Walters.”

            “Thank you so much Lauren, really this is like, unbelievable.”

            She smiled and drove through a neighborhood. A few minutes later she stopped in front of a large house. I don’t think it’s a house like people live here, there’s a parking lot instead of a driveway. People work here, she’s not with an actual family she’s like in an orphanage.

            “Don’t get her too excited,” Lauren spoke, “Make sure she knows she’s not coming home with you. You’ll see her soon, but don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

            I nodded my head but continued walking quickly into the house. There was a desk at the front and Lauren had me sign in before she led me to Ayden’s room.  I stopped at the door and watched Ayden sitting in the corner of a bed coloring. She doesn’t look as sad as I thought she’d look. Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t look happy, but I had nightmares that she was crying all day and night. I’m glad she’s not as miserable as I imagined.

            Lauren lightly tapped on the doorframe, “Ayden?”

            She looked up and a huge smile came over her face when she saw me. I know I had an even bigger smile on mine as I waved at her. She jumped up and ran to me, “SARI!!!!! It’s Sari! It’s Sari! She’s my favorite Lauren! Sari!”

            I picked her up in my arms and couldn’t let go. I can’t let go ever again. She’s really here, in my arms. I can’t believe it.  The tears kept coming, but it was a different kind of tears now, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good before in my life.

            “How come you crying? No crying. Come on, I wanna show you my bed.” I couldn’t put her down so I sat down on the bed.

            “How are you doing Ayden?” I asked softly as Ayden wiped the tears from my eyes, “Are you ok?”

            “I miss you Sari. I miss you a lot. How come I can’t come home?”

            “We’re working on it baby, we’re trying really hard.  Are you doing all right here though? Is everybody nice? Are you eating all your food? Can you sleep alright?”

            “Yeah, but I can’t go swimming. Cause they don’t have a pool. How come they don’t have a pool?”

            I laughed, “Not everybody has a pool sweetie.”

            “Oh. I like pools. And they don’t have a tramp-a-ween either. That’s silly,” she giggled, “but they got a playground. It’s not as cool as mine but it’s ok. I got gummy bears yesterday, like when we went to the zoo, memba?”

            I nodded my head and pulled her back on my lap, “How cool. Have you been brushing your teeth good?”

            “Uh huh, real good. Up and down, up and down, just like you say.”

            “Good, I’m so glad. I knew you would remember to brush your teeth the right way!” I kissed her cheek, “Oh, look! I got you a new bug book, want me to read it to you?”

            “Yeah, cause I don’t got none here,” she threw her hands up, “Hey Lauren, did you know a cock-a-roach can live for nine whole days without his head?”

            “Really?” Lauren asked with a smile, “That’s so weird.”

            “I know” she giggled, “Sari told me. She has this book, huh, that has all this cool stuff. I like bugs. They’re my favorite.”

            “They are your favorite, that’s for sure,” I laughed as I grabbed the new book from my bag, “Look at this book, it’s so big. And look at the cool pictures.”

            “Oooh! Look at the pictures! Can you read it Sari? What do those words say?”

            “It says the largest butterfly called Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing has an eleven inch long wingspan. That’s like, this big,” I put my hands about eleven inches apart.

            “Whoa! That’s big,” she made a face and giggled, “What about the smallest one?”

            “Let’s see, it says the smallest one has a wingspan of only a half an inch. That’s tiny, like this.”

            Ayden’s mouth dropped open, “That’s small, it’s teeny tiny,” she giggled, “Look at the picture, that one’s like a monster butterfly and that one’s like a baby!”

            “Yeah, you’re right, it is like a baby.”

            She giggled and played with my hair, “I miss you Sari.”

            “I miss you too,” I wrapped my arms around her, “I miss you so much I can’t sleep at night and I’m always thinking about you,” I tried to make it more like a joke so she wouldn’t see what a wreck I really am, “Daddy misses you too,” I whispered since I don’t think I’m supposed to mention him while I’m here. But she needs to know her father cares.

            “I miss YOU” she tapped my nose, “my favorite, favorite, favorite.             Can you stay tonight? Lauren, can Sari sleep over?”

            “No sweetie, I’m afraid not,” Lauren answered.

            “Oh, I know, I could go home then.”

            I smiled and held onto her tightly, I really don’t want to let her go. Ever.

            “You’ll see Sari again soon Ayden, it’s time for her to go now.”

            “I’m going to put your name in this book, so make sure you don’t let anyone take it, alright?” I asked as I wrote her name inside with a crayon, “And, I remembered to bring you Teddy. So now you can sleep extra good.”

            I need to stay strong and not cry in front of her. She needs to think everything is ok. I can’t scare her.

            “Yay! Teddy! Lauren, can Sari stay a little longer? She’s my favorite you know, my FAVORITE.”

            “I know she is Ayden, but she has to go. Say goodbye, you’ll see her soon.”

            “I will see you very soon Ayden. I want you to be so good, and keep up the good work brushing those beautiful teeth. I’m going to miss you again, but I’m going to see you soon. If you miss me, I want you to look out that window, and look at the moon and the stars and I’ll be home looking at those same stars and that same moon thinking of you. I love you Ayden.”

            “I love you too! You’re my favorite! Bye bye. Later,” she gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek before I stood up.

            “Bye hunny, I’ll see you soon.”

            “K. Bye. I miss you already!”

            I waved to her before following Lauren out of the building. I didn’t cry until I was in the car and we were driving away. “Thank you, so much, for letting me see her. And for taking care of her. I know you go to see her a lot, so thank you.”

            Lauren nodded her head, “She’s a good kid.”

            “I know,” I agreed, “she doesn’t deserve this.”

            “You can’t tell her father or his lawyers you got to see her. He cannot see her. It’s the court, it’s not us, but it’s not possible for him to see her until the court date. Just like it’s not possible for the mother to see her.”

            “Thank god,” I answered softly, “I really will do anything to make sure she doesn’t see Ayden. She’s not good, she doesn’t want Ayden, she wants Justin.”

            Lauren nodded her head, “I don’t know exactly what’s going on and I can’t really talk about it. But I will assure that she’s not seeing Ayden unless the court orders it and I don’t see that happening anytime in the near future.”

            “Thanks again Lauren, I really wish there was some way I could repay you,” I said when we got back to the office parking lot, “Thank you.”

            “Alright, take care. I’ll see you at court.”

            “OK, thanks again, bye Lauren,” I gave her a quick hug before getting in my car.

            On the way back home I stopped at a vitamin store and picked up some that were supposed to help with alcohol cravings. I was afraid of what I’d see when I got home. The house was dark and empty, I’m surprised Justin’s mother isn’t here yet. I went upstairs, hoping Justin was asleep or at least he wasn’t drinking.

            I stopped at the doorway when I saw Justin lying on his bed wearing only a pair of boxers. He was on his stomach, spread across the bed, with his head buried in a pillow. “Are you alright?” I asked softly when I noticed he was sweating.

            “Oh god, you’re here. I’m so fucked Sari, I need a fucking drink. Where did you put all the drinks?”

            “No, no you don’t. You don’t need a drink Justin, you’re doing great. The doctor will be here soon and he’s going to give you some pills to help you,” I sat down on the ground next to the bed, “I got you some vitamins and some water. Are you all right? You’re going to be ok. I know it’s hard, but you’re doing great. Here have some water,” I handed him the glass and the vitamins and went into his bathroom to wet a towel. “Are you hot?” I wiped the sweat from his body, “I read that bean sprouts help the craving. Try some.”

            Justin gave me a look but grabbed the bag, “Where were you?”

            “The doctors and shopping, trying to get those things. Didn’t your mother come home?”

            He shook his head and fell back on the bed, “This is fucking hell. I’m shaking and sweating and fucking seeing shit. I just need a beer, just get me a beer.”

            “I’m not going to get you a beer, we don’t have any. You’re doing good Justin, keep it up. It’s only going to suck like this for a little while longer. It’s not going to last forever. Stay strong, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” I said as I sat back down on the ground and wiped the sweat off him, “You’re doing great. Don’t give up.”

         Luckily for everyone, the medicine that doctor gave Justin really helped him out. It’s only been a few days and already he’s like a completely new person. Don’t get me wrong, he still has his moments, but he’s been doing much better.

         “Morning,” he said as he came down the stairs and poured himself a cup of coffee.  This is a perfect example, usually he doesn’t speak, or if he does he orders me to make him breakfast while he pours some bourbon into his coffee. I’m glad he’s over that, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I hid all the alcohol in my house.

         “Good Morning.”

         “Do you want to do something today?” he asked sitting down across from me.

         I wouldn’t be surprised if my mouth dropped open, “What do you have in mind?”

         “I don’t know, I’m just sick of living like a hermit. I need to get my mind off this shit.”

         I nodded my head, “Yeah, that’s good. I just need to run some errands,” I want to go see Ayden quickly. That’s the truth, but I’m not supposed to tell him that.

         “I’ll come.”

         “Oh no, no. It’s ok. I’ll come back, I won’t be long.”

         “Alright,” he laughed, throwing his hands in the air, “How about golf?”

         I looked at him as if he were crazy, he is kind of crazy, “I don’t know how to golf.”

         “I know. I could use a good laugh.”

         I slapped his arm before standing up and pouring myself another cup of coffee, “Well, I do want to learn how to golf. But you’re not exactly a good teacher.”

         “How am I not a good teacher?” he seems insulted as he stood up to pour himself some cereal, “I’m a good teacher.”

         That made me laugh, “Justin, you like yell and throw the golf stick thingy when you don’t get it in.”

         “It’s called a club, first of all, and I only throw it when I miss it. I don’t care if you miss it, that’s better for me,” he answered with a smile, running his hands through his hair, “I can take you.”

         “Well I would hope so. You’re not going to go easy on me?”

         “I don’t go easy on anyone Sari, you’re no different,” he smiled and licked his lips before sitting back down, “What do you think, I’m going to go easy on you just because you wipe up my sweat and hide all the alcohol and buy me bean sprouts? It’s going to take a lot more than that darling.”

         “Whatever,” I laughed, “I’m going to go run my errands and you figure out what you want to do. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

         “All good, I’m all good Sari.”

         “OK, bye Justin.” he’s very flirty, I don’t know if that’s a side effect from the medication, but hell, at least he’s in a good mood. I like him being like this.  It’s something I could easily get used to. In fact, I may even be able to do my actual job instead of wishing I could just kick his ass the whole time.

         I drove to the home that Ayden’s in and waited outside for Lauren to meet me. The trial is in three days and I can’t wait. I’m not even nervous anymore because there’s no doubt in my mind that Ayden is going to get to come home. Justin’s been doing great, and I mean, even if this girl cleans herself up Justin is totally more financially able to take care of Ayden. She doesn’t even know who her “mother” is, there’s no possible way they’d make her go with the crackhead. OK, I’m a little nervous. But Lauren makes me feel better, plus being able to see Ayden makes everything ok. I’m so glad they’re taking care of her.

         “Ahh! Sari! Sari!” Ayden screamed when she saw me, “I knew you would come back! Do I get to go home yet?”

         “Not yet hunny,” I grabbed her in my arms, “Hopefully soon. How are you doing?”

         “Good. Me and Teddy was playing Go Fish, wanna play with us?”

         “I would love to play with you,” I don’t want to let go of her though. I just need to keep thinking about how in three days she’ll be back home and then I’ll feel much better. That is of course if she gets to go home. She has to, there’s no way the judge could honestly think the crazy lady is better than Justin.

         I only got to stay with Ayden for an hour but it seemed to go by like minutes. It definitely isn’t easy leaving her, even though I know they’re taking good care of her. They all love her though, I’m pretty sure she’s their favorite and I’m not just saying that because she’s my favorite. I really hope the good Justin stays good with Ayden and he treats her like the princess she is. Especially after all this shit she’s had to go through, she better get spoiled for a real long time.

         “Finally,” I heard Justin’s voice the second I walked in the door, “Ready?”

         “Yeah, excited much? God.” I laughed as he grabbed his clubs and walked past me.  I guess it’s true that he has been moping around and hasn’t had much time out of the house. Golf always has been his escape, he always comes back relaxed and in a good mood. I’ve never actually golfed, or even gone to a field… or a course. I don’t even know what it’s called. I hope he doesn’t get mad when I suck like he did that time we went bowling. Gosh, he was screaming at me because it kept going in the gutter like I was doing in on purpose or something.

         I climbed in the passenger side of his car and he started driving before I even closed the door, “Come on!” he laughed.

         “Relax, god, you’ve gone crazy,” I laughed as I buckled my seatbelt.

         “So you’ve never played?” I shook my head, “Never? Not even mini golf?”

         “Oh no, I’ve played mini golf.”

         “How’d you do?”

         “Good I won… I mean I was playing Ayden but I did win, that’s all that really matters.”

         Justin laughed, “That’s certainly something to brag about, beating a three year old. When did you take her mini golfing?”

         “I don’t know, a while ago.”

         “Why didn’t I go?”

         “Seriously?” I actually laughed but stopped quickly when I realized it wasn’t exactly a joke, “Justin you never exactly wanted to go out in public with her.”

         He nodded his head and that look he gets when he’s zoning out covered his face. “Yeah, I really fucked her up, huh?” he asked softly.

         “No. No, not at all,” I felt the need to reassure him. I know he’s done some fucked up shit but there’s no way in the world I would consider her fucked up. She’s doing absolutely fine, despite his shitty parenting skills, “Justin seriously, you can be such a good father when you want to be and she loves you no matter what. Shit happens, and yeah you’ve messed up, but she doesn’t care. She’s still so young that she loves you no matter what, but you just need to make sure that you change. Because seriously Justin, she’s almost at the age that she’s going to figure out everything and want nothing to do with you if you treat her like shit.”

         “Yeah, I know. I don’t know what the hell was going on with that, I knew I mean I know how I need to treat her, how I want to treat her. I just let all my management get in my head. But she’s so great because of you Sari; I mean dammit if it weren’t for you she’d be a real terror. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you manage to calm her down. And she loves you so much, it’s like you’re her mother. I was worried when I first got her because I knew she needed a mother but I knew her real mother was not the kind that she deserved. But as soon as she came home you turned on your motherly quality and have really taken the part. From the first day, I was so fucking scared and I came back home and you were there and you set her room up and you got all her shit together. When my mom left Ayden started crying, do you remember that?” he stopped to laugh, “I was so fucking scared, I had no idea what to do and you just picked her up and she stopped crying.”

         I nodded my head and smiled but I feel like I’m about to cry, “Of course I remember that. You were so funny because you were like scared of this little adorable girl.”

         “I didn’t want to break her, she was so precious and tiny I thought I’d do something and snap her in half.”

         “That’s right!” I laughed with him, “Do you remember when you had to burp her and you were afraid to like hit her back to get it out? You were so cute, you were scared of everything.”

         “Did you just call me cute Sari?” he asked with a crooked smile as he pulled into the parking lot of the golf course.

         “No,” I answered quickly even though he was adorable with her when he first got her. I don’t know when it started getting bad; he was so into in at the beginning.

         “OK,” he laughed, “This is me saying thank you for all your help with her. I know that if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have made it.  So thanks, you’ve put up with a lot of shit. I’m going to go back to the good… you know taking care of her and shit. This has been a wakeup call and as soon as she comes back I’m going to be the best damn father anyone’s ever had.”

         I smiled, “Good.” I actually believe him. The way he said it, with that gleam in his eye like he’s really going to try harder and he knows how hard it is, but he’s finally ready to appreciate how great his little daughter is.

         “Yeah, and if I don’t just slap me, alright?”

         “No, I’m taking her and leaving,” I laughed as I followed him to the trunk to get the clubs out.

         “You know, I actually couldn’t stop you. Ayden would be much better of with you.”

         “Don’t say that,” now he’s got me feeling bad, “You’re her father, what’s up with you and all the emotional stuff?”

         He laughed, “You don’t like it?”

         “No, not really. It worries me.”

         “It worries you?” he gave me that crooked smile again, for the record that’s the smile he uses on the covers of magazines to see millions of copies.  “Let’s go to the driving range first and practice.”

         “Practice could work,” I followed behind him until he stopped at the driving range.

         “Ok, so you stand and you put the ball down and you want to hit it with this part right here,” he pointed to the club trying to give me a professional lesson. I’m not exactly planning to be a professional but he’s trying so I’ll let it go, “Line you feet up, bend a little, pull back and then swing.”

         He acts as if it’s so easy, and for him clearly it is, the ball went much further than I’m going to be able to hit it, in fact it went further than mostly everyone that is hitting.

         “You’re turn,” he smiled and held the club out for me.

         I took a deep breath and grabbed it from his hands, “OK, so I hold it like this and stand like this and just pull it back and…” I did swing, but the ball didn’t exactly go flying out hundreds of feet into the sky. At least I don’t think it did, I don’t know where it went. Justin’s laughing woke me from my thoughts, “What?”

         “It went so far you didn’t even notice,” he’s still laughing as he pointed to the ground where my ball was still sitting untouched. “Try again, this time watch the ball.”

         “Alright,” I nodded my head before pulling the club back and I actually hit the ball this time! So what if it only went two feet? I hit that, that’s an accomplishment for me. Justin had stopped laughing for the second I hit the ball but he started up again, “you said you wouldn’t laugh.”

         “I did not. In fact, I said I could use a good laugh. You’re doing fine, you just need to give it more power. Go ahead, set up to shoot it again, I’m going to help you.” I did as I was told and he stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me so he could hold the club too. It felt a little weird, he’s never been this close to me, “Go ahead, you pull back and hit it real hard.”

         It actually went far, I’m not completely delusional I know it was all Justin. “We hit it! That was good.”

         “See that? Real good. Now you do it yourself.”

         I laughed, “You’re taking this teacher thing too seriously. It’s not going to go that far.”

         “Try it, Miss Glass Half Empty. Give it more power.”

         The ball didn’t go nearly as far as it did when Justin helped me but it did go kind of far. We played that the driving range for about an hour but then the paparazzi showed up so we didn’t get to go on the actual course. I was a little relieved because there’s no way I’d actually be able to get it in the hole. We’d be there all day.

         “Want to go swimming?” Justin asked as we walked into his house.

         “Yeah, it’s hot. I’ll meet you out there,” I walked through his house and into the guesthouse. I surprisingly have had a fun day. I really hope he stays like this and doesn’t go back to the crazy Justin. When I walked out to the pool Justin was just jumping in, “How is it?”

         “Nice, it feels good just jump in.”

         I threw my towel on a chair and stepped out of my flip-flops before diving in. It does feel real good; it’s been so hot here the past few days. “Yeah, it’s nice. It’s been so hot huh?”

         “Yeah,” he nodded his head, “Come over here, you can see the sun set, and it’s real pretty.”

         I swam over to him; it is a real pretty view from up here. That’s one of my favorite parts of living here the view from my bedroom, not that I get to actually take it in very often.  “You have such a cool view.” We both turned around, leaning our backs against the edge of the pool quietly, “So are you nervous about the trial?”

         “Nah, well I mean a little I guess. I just can’t wait to see her. I wish they let us see her, I mean I wish we could just go and make sure she’s all right. I really worry about that.”

         “She’s fine.” I tried to reassure him without giving too much away, “I’m sure she’s fine, they have to be taking care of her.”

         “Yeah, I just hope they’re treating her good and letting her read her books or play with her dolls.”

         “Don’t worry about her, I’m sure she’s fine.”

         “Yeah.” He answered looking into space and continued a minute later, “Yeah, I just wish I could see her, ya’know?”

         I nodded my head; I know exactly what he’s going through, especially since I was going through it a few days ago. But now I know that she’s doing great. I wish I could tell him but I’m not exactly sure how he’ll react.  “You’ll see her soon.”

         “Yeah. Thanks a lot, really I can’t say it enough.”

         “It’s ok, I’m glad I could help. I’d do anything for her.”

         “I know,” he answered before moving his head closer to mine and, ok he’s kissing me. He’s definitely kissing me. I need to push him away… but he’s a real good kisser and I haven’t been kissed in a real long time. Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like this before.

         “Justin…” I managed to pull away, even though I definitely didn’t want to, but I know we should not be kissing right now, or ever for that matter.

         “I know,” he pulled away, looking into the water, “I’m sorry I just… I don’t know I’m, I’m sorry. Really.”

         “No it- it’s ok, I just…”

         “No, I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry,” he looked into my eyes this time.

         “It’s ok, I’ll just… I’m really tired so I’m just going to go in and get washed up and…”

         “Yeah, yeah me too. I’ll see you tomorrow or something.”

         “Ok, thanks,” did I really just thank him? “I mean today, I had fun so…”

         “Yeah, yup. Me too, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

         We both grabbed our towels and went opposite ways to our houses. What just happened? OK, obviously what just happened is that Justin kissed me. More importantly what happened is that I kissed him back, and I swear to god I saw fireworks. I couldn’t have seen fireworks. It must have been the reflection of the light on the water. He’s Justin. I don’t like him. I hate him. He’s a pain in my ass. I’ve spent just about every day I’ve worked with him wishing he would just get lost and leave me alone. Why did I kiss him back? Why the hell did I see fireworks?

         Now I’m going to hide out in here until I can’t hide out anymore. It’s my turn to be the hermit because it’s going to be awkward. How am I going to deal with the awkward shit when I have so many other things to deal with? God, what is wrong with me?

         In the past two days I have managed to avoid Justin as much as possible. He’s been busy being coached by his lawyers about how to answer questions for the trial tomorrow and we haven’t had much time with just the two of us, thank goodness. Things have been kind of awkward, or at least they are to me. I’m sure Justin doesn’t think anything about the kiss, since he’s kissed about as many people in a week than I have in my whole life.

          I stood in front of the refrigerator biting at my lip trying to figure out what it is that I’m looking for in the first place. My mind has been somewhere else these past few days and I really need to get that stupid kiss out of my mind so I can focus enough for the trial tomorrow. I grabbed the package of shredded cheese and walked back to the counter so I could pour it in a bowl.

         “Bye Sari, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Justin’s publicist stuck his head in the kitchen.

         “You’re leaving? I thought you’d be here longer, I made a lot of food.”

         “I was but my daughter’s sick so I have to go pick her up. Justin’s all set, he knows what he’s doing.”

         “Oh, ok” I nodded my head, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

         “Don’t be nervous, you guys will be fine,” he smiled before leaving. I used to hate him, and he’s still not my favorite person in the world, but he’s been really good with this whole Ayden situation. He has a daughter, so I guess he really understands what we’re going through, or what Justin’s going through. I really didn’t want him to leave, I made all this food for tacos and no one is here anymore. It’s just Justin… and me… and our awkwardness. Wonderful.

         “Something smells good,” I look up from the taco meat I’m stirring to see Justin sit down at the island.

         “Yeah, it’s ready. I made a lot though, I thought everyone would still be here.”

         “Nah, they want us to get a good night’s sleep for the morning, so we’re well rested and ready to kick ass,” he smiled as I placed the bowls of toppings on the island in front of him, “But I’m starving, so it won’t go to waste. Sit.” Justin pulled the seat out next to him.

         “I am, I’m just… getting the shells.”

         “OK,” he’s smiling again, this time it’s that crooked smile, “You’ve been acting weird lately. You’re acting like you’re scared of me.”

         “I’m not scared of you,” I said as I placed the shells on the table and sat down next to him.

         “That’s a relief,” he answered with a chuckle, “We should probably talk about the other night.”

         I had one of those moments from a Twix commercial and stuffed the taco in my mouth before answering him. “There’s not really anything to talk about. The sun was setting and it was pretty and we got caught up. We had a good day and you, for once, weren’t being an asshole so…”

         “I was for once not being an asshole?” he threw his head back and laughed, “Come on now, I’m not always an asshole.”

         “Not always but the majority of the time,” I laughed at the insulted look that covered his face, “You’re getting better.”

         “I’m trying, real hard,” he laughed as I rolled my eyes, “Thanks for the eye roll there, I’m trying to be serious.”

         “Oh, sorry.” There were a few seconds of awkward silence so I did my best to change the subject, “So are you ready for tomorrow?”

         Justin nodded his head while he finished chewing, “Yeah, they said they’re probably going to call you up to ask questions and you should just be honest. They weren’t worried, I’m not worried, you know what to do. This is good.”

         “Thank you.”

         “Yeah. Do you want to watch a movie or something? I’m not going to be able to sleep right away and I’d rather do something to keep my mind off tomorrow.” He’s definitely a little nervous which is completely understandable. I’m nervous too. It doesn’t make sense why I’m so nervous because I know there is no possible way this girl is going to be able to even show up sober. But I’m still nervous; sometimes the jury or the judge will have something against Justin because of his fame. Maybe they’ll feel bad for the crack head and think a little girl needs her Mommy. I can’t even think about it without getting teary eyed. That can’t happen.

         “I have to make some calls and clean up and iron the clothes for tomorrow.” There is a very strong possibility that I’m making up excuses so I can avoid him.

         “I’ll help you clean. Please Sari? My mind is racing and I really need to focus on something else. I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

         I watched him carefully before answering. He is driving himself crazy, and obviously I am too so there’s not really a point to us both pacing around our own houses biting out fingernails down to the knuckle. “Sixteen Candles?”

         He laughed as he grabbed a container to put the leftover meat in, “I would, but I don’t have it so…”

         “I do, don’t worry,” I smiled, “You said I could pick.”

         “I did, didn’t I? Alright, Sixteen Candles it is.”

         “Thank you,” I smiled.

         “Go make your calls and get the movie, I’ll clean this up.”

         Wow, I’m almost impressed. Justin really is turning over a new leaf. He sure as hell has never offered to help clean something up. I may not be needed much longer.

         I heard his laugh, “Pick your jaw off the table. Damn Sari, I can clean shit up.”

         “Really? Because you never could before.”

         “I always could, I just didn’t want to. There’s a whole side of me you don’t know.” I rolled my eyes. I can’t help it. Justin laughed again before continuing, “And there’s one side of you I know all too well, that eye roll. God.” He placed a hand on either of my shoulders, “Go, I need my Molly Ringwald fix.”

         I laughed as he pushed me away and walked slowly across the yard. I don’t really have a bunch of calls I need to make; it was an excuse so I could avoid him that obviously didn’t work. Now I need to waste time so it looks like I’m actually doing something, but instead I’m going to be thinking about everything. Gosh, as if these few days couldn’t get any more stressful.

         After making my way upstairs I decided I could at least iron my outfit for tomorrow, then I wouldn’t be lying completely. I really shouldn’t be nervous about this; I’ve been working with Justin for years. Although, honestly, it seems like he’s a completely different person than he has been. It’s like I’m working for a new Justin.

         I’ve wasted enough time, so I grabbed the movie and made my way back across the yard. The kitchen was dark but I could tell everything was put away. I’m kind of impressed. “Hey, I’m in here.” Justin called out.

         I went into the cinema room where Justin was waiting and took the DVD from my hands. “I made popcorn,” he smiled as he nodded his head towards the couch where the popcorn was sitting.

         “We just ate.”

         “Yeah, but you need popcorn with a movie.”

         “OK,” I answered softly sitting on the chair next to the couch so he couldn’t sit next to me. I’m aware that I’m acting like I’m in middle school but this whole situation is weird.

         Justin laughed as he sat down on the furthest side of the couch away from me. “How about a drink? Soda?”

         “Yeah, sure. Thanks,” I grabbed the can he was holding out for me.

         “You’re welcome,” there’s that smile again. “I’m so glad this is you not acting weird.”

         “I’m not acting weird.”

         “Not at all.”

         “I just have a lot on my mind,” I tried to make up more excuses. The problem is that I’m a horrible liar and I’m sure he can see right through it.

         “Like the other night?”

         “No,” I answered way too quickly, “Like tomorrow.”

         “You don’t have the other night on your mind at all?”

         “I thought we were watching a movie.”

         Justin laughed once and grabbed the remote, “Fine, we’ll pretend nothing happened. If you change your mind and you want some popcorn come on over and get some.” The lights were down and the movie was on before I could say anything else. And I’m not going to say anything else, I’m going to sit here quietly and watch Sixteen Candles instead of thinking about what is actually happening in my life.

         As we watched the movie Justin laughed at most of the corny parts. I did shush him a couple times, but he continued watching and eating that popcorn. It looks good. He makes real good popcorn because he puts extra butter and salt and it’s like better than the movie theater. I’m not even hungry but I can smell it and I want some. No, I need some.

         “Fine,” I took a deep breath and moved to the couch next to him so I could grab a handful of popcorn.

         “Fine,” Justin laughed, sticking his hand in the bag at the same moment my hand was in the bag. “You’re so scared,” he whispered, “I don’t bite… unless you want me to.”

         “I don’t want you too,” I answered quickly.

         “Then I won’t,” he laughed, “I like watching you get all nervous. It’s so out of character for you.”

         “I’m not nervous!” I shouted.

         “No, not at all,” he answered sarcastically with that crooked smile, “Calm, cool and collect.”

         “Shut up.”

         Justin seems to find this whole situation absolutely hilarious. I’m glad, I really am. “Calm, cool and collect,” he repeated.

         “Stop. Leave me alone,” I elbowed him in the side but obviously it doesn’t bother him, he’s too busy laughing to stop me.

His hand grabbed mine and he pulled me closer to himself, wrapping an arm around me.  “I am leaving you alone. I’m sorry, you just make me laugh. Watch the movie.”

“I’m trying but you won’t shut up.”

“Cranky, I like it. I’ll stop, I’m done.”

Surprisingly enough he actually did stop. Justin didn’t say another word. I can’t focus on the movie because all I’m thinking about is him. I hated this man, loathed him a few weeks ago, and now I can’t get him off my mind for a completely different reason. Being this close to him makes me feel… good. But it’s not enough. I want to be closer to him. I want more of him.

This is Justin Timberlake. The same obnoxious, annoying, spoiled asshole I’ve been working with for years. Almost every night I went to bed planning a way to execute him without going to jail. I literally planned on kidnapping his daughter so she wouldn’t have to be around him. And now I’m sitting here mere inches from him wishing I could be closer.

He annoys me. He drives me crazy. I mean, I can’t even watch a movie without him bothering me. He does it on purpose he lives to annoy me. But still, I want to be closer.

“This is a good movie,” Justin’s sarcastic tone broke me from my thoughts, “Can we watch Pretty in Pink next?”

“Maybe, if you’re good.”

“If I’m good? I’m always good Sari. And wait for it, wait for it… there it is, the eye roll.”

I laughed, “I can’t help it, my eyes have a mind of their own.”

         “Can we please watch something else?”

         “No, you said I could pick.”

         He took a deep breath and threw his head back as if I was making him watch a five-hour documentary about paint drying. “Why do you like this movie so much?”

         “It’s a classic.”

         “Usually I stay clear of classics.”

         “I bet, but that’s because you’re not classy,” I answered with a smile.

         “Adorable,” he replied with sarcasm before getting this weird look on his face and there was a few minutes of silence before he spoke again, “Do you really have a problem with what happened the other night?” He was serious now, the sarcasm was gone.

         “What?”

         He licked his lips and looks a little nervous himself. I’m not used to this look, “I’m going to kiss you again.”

         “No,” I answered quickly but it’s not very convincing, I’m not even able to convince myself.

         “Yes,” Justin replied before moving closer and pressing his lips against mine. This is better, much better. This time I’m not as nervous and I’m just kind of letting go. He knows how to kiss amazingly. He knows what he’s doing. I haven’t been kissed in awhile and it’s helping with all the stress. Kissing him is keeping all my focus, and I’m not worrying about anything else. I’m in a different world… and I kind of like it. 

         We kissed, I guess it’s more like we made out, but that’s it. To my surprise, Justin didn’t even try anything else. That’s weird for him, especially since he’s tried to get more from me when I wasn’t even letting him kiss me.  I guess this is the new and improved Justin. There’s no reason to focus on that today, we have to focus on Ayden.

         When I walked into Justin’s house he was already awake and standing by the stove, frying up some eggs. Seriously? He’s cooking? Someone is in a good mood today.

         “Hey,” Justin turned around and offered a smile, “Good Morning, are you excited?”

         “Yes, I am. So are you, I see.”

         “Yeah,” he laughed, “I didn’t think this day would ever come. Do you think she’ll be there? She’ll be there, right?”

         “I would assume so. I mean, I think so.”

         “I can’t wait to see her. She’s probably so big. Do you think she’s real big?” he continued without giving me a chance to answer, “I bet she got huge. I hope I still recognize her. Or I guess more importantly that she recognizes me. She better, she has to… right?” I nodded my head but he kept going, “You’ve gotta miss her huh? She’s like your partner in crime.”

         I nodded my head again, I do miss her probably much more than I should. But I’ve also seen her since they took her away. I feel really guilty about that, it’s not really fair that I got to see her and Justin couldn’t. I mean she is his daughter.

         “I made you scrambled eggs,” Justin smiled, placing a plate in front of me.

         “I already ate.”

         “What?” he turned around and threw his hands down, “Are you fucking serious? I made them for you.”

         I laughed as I grabbed the fork, “I’ll have some, thank you.”

         “Don’t fuck with me today,” he smiled as he sat down, “The lawyers said they’ll probably call you to the stand and you should just answer everything honestly, but don’t make me look bad.”

         “I know. I’m a little nervous though, I don’t do well in front of crowds.”

         “Me neither.”

         “What? Since when?” I asked with a chuckle. His whole life is based on him standing in front of a crowd.

         “Well talking in front of people, being myself. That’s weird. I’m not used to that.”

         “Your new self or your old self?” I can’t really believe I just said that out loud. That was a stupid move on my part; I need to think shit through. I don’t know what the hell is getting into me.

         “Both of them,” he answered with a crooked smile, “You’re acting like I got split personalities Sari.”

         We finished breakfast and then I went back to the guesthouse to get ready. I’m actually very nervous, I don’t know why. Obviously the lady that gave birth to Ayden is complete trash and there’s no way anyone in their right mind would make Ayden stay with her. I don’t want Ayden to have any contact with her. What if they say she can have visits? Even if they were supervised that would be horrible. I know Ayden is not my daughter and I really have no control over this but this crazy lady would not help anything. She’s already proven to be an idiot.

         “You ready for this?” I asked Justin as he parked the car outside of the courthouse. There has to be thousands of people out here only making matters worse.

         “Yeah, I’m ready,” he nodded his head before looking over at me and giving me a smile, “You look nice.”

         “You look very well put together yourself. I bet she’s going to be wearing stripper heels and a mini.”

         Justin laughed, “You don’t have to feel threatened. She doesn’t have a chance.”

         “I’m not threatened, I know she doesn’t.”

         “Alright. I’m just excited to see Ayden. God, there’s so many fucking people here,” he put his hand up to cover the flashes, “We need to wait for security. I wonder if my mom’s here yet. Have you talked to her?” I’ve never seen Justin this nervous before. He’s freaking out, he’s talking so fast and not even waiting for an answer from me before he keeps babbling. “Oh, yeah, ok there they are, you ready?”

         I nodded my head as the security guards came to the door and walked us through the crowd and into the building. We met up with all the lawyers so they could explain everything once again. I just have to sit in the seats behind Justin with the rest of the people so I’m not too nervous. It’s finally starting to get to Justin though, he’ having a tough time standing still.

         Once the trial started I was surprised that I didn’t see Ayden anywhere. Maybe they don’t want her to sit through everything, actually she probably shouldn’t. I don’t want her to remember this when she’s older. The crazy bitch who is ruining everyone’s life, or Amber I guess her name is, was wearing a skirt that was way too short and a white button up blouse that wasn’t buttoned high enough to cover her black bra. Classy, very classy. Her hair is huge and 80-ish; I really wish I knew what Justin saw in her in the first place.

         As the trial started it surprised everyone when Justin’s lawyer called Ayden to the stand first. I didn’t know they’d expect her to sit in a chair and speak in front of all these people. She’s not exactly shy but what if she says something wrong? I don’t know about this. I would think Crazy Amber’s lawyers would call Ayden up since she’s only a child and can easily be persuaded to say something she may not completely mean. Maybe that’s why they wanted to talk to her first.

         Everyone looked around and I felt my heart stop beating when the door opened and Ayden came in the room with Lauren holding her hand. She looked scared at first but her face lit up when she saw her father.

         “It’s Daddy!” she screamed and waved at him frantically, trying her hardest to pull away from Lauren. “It’s Daddy! Lauren! That’s my Daddy! Hi Daddy! Can we go see Daddy now?”

         “Hey Babe,” Justin waved back with a smile bigger than he’s ever had. It surprised me a little; I didn’t think he’d be so excited. It made me a little teary eyed.

         Lauren sat her in the chair and the judge explained to her that she has to tell the truth and speak into the microphone. “Can I go see my Daddy now? Hi Daddy! Look!” she held her hands up so he could she her painted fingernails, “Lauren painted my nails!” she giggled, “Aren’t they cool?”

         “They’re beautiful baby girl.”

         “Is Sari here too? Where’s Sari?” I waved to her, “Oh! Hi Sari! Did you see my nails?”

         “Your honor, can we please ask the questions and spare everyone from the family reunion.” The girl’s lawyer asked. Clearly not working so well on making her look good. He just admitted that we’re Ayden’s family.

         “We’re going to ask you some questions, is that ok Ayden?” Justin’s lawyer asked, moving closer to her.

         “Um… I dunno, cause I’m not supposed ta talk ta strangers.”

         I think everyone let out a collective “aww”.

         “Who told you that?”

         “Daddy,” she smiled.

“It’s alright baby girl, you can talk to him.”

“OK,” she giggled, “He said Don’t talk to strangers, especially if they got a camera.” she stuck her finger out, moving it up and down with each word, “Cause them is da bad guys, wit the cameras. Cause they come and they say AYDEN, what you doing? And den my picture is on TV!” she threw her hands up, “And that’s bad.”

         “Why is that bad?”

         “Um, cause then people know me and Daddy said it’s not good when people know me. Cause then they come and they don’t let me play. Huh Daddy?”

         Justin smiled and nodded his head.

         “What’s something else Daddy taught you?”

         “Um… he teach me how to answer da phone.”

         “And how do you answer the phone?”

         “I say, hello hello I’m Ayden.”

         Everyone laughed, “Did he teach you anything else?”

`       “Um, he told me to say please and thank you. And not to throw my pop tart at his head.”

         The laughter continued and Ayden started giggling. She’s working the crowd already.

         “What about your mother? Did she teach you anything?”

         Why would he ask her that? Gosh, my heart is beating in my throat again. He shouldn’t have used that word; I don’t think Ayden has realized she doesn’t have a mother yet.

         “My mommy? Hmm…” she put her finger in her mouth as she thought, “I don’t have a mommy. But I have a Sari, and she’s even better. She’s my favorite. She’s here, do you see her? She’s right there. Hi Sari!”

         I smiled and waved as I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

         “Did Sari teach you anything?”

         “Oh yeah, she teach me a lot,” she giggled, “She teach me how to brush my teeth. Up and down, up and down. And look,” she showed everyone her teeth, “It works! And she teach me all about bugs, cause I like bugs. Did you know that a cock-a-roach can live for nine days without his head,” she giggled, “That’s silly. Oh! Oh! Daddy teach me how to go swim too! Daddy they don’t let me go swimming at that place.”

         “Why not?” Justin asked even though he wasn’t supposed to speak. He’s thinking she’s punished for some reason.

         “They have no pool.” She put her hands up and giggled again, “That’s silly.”

         I heard Justin laugh, this seems to be going much better than I expected.

         “Ayden, did your Daddy every hurt you?”

         “No, Daddy don’t hurt me.”

         “Did he ever do something that wasn’t nice?”

         “Yeah,” oh shit, I spoke too soon, “One time he say get off me, you don’t jump on me. And den one time he say, AYDEN don’t rip dem papers and throw dem on the ground or you gonna go to your room. And I did, and he made me go to my room!”

         “Did Sari ever hurt you?”

         “Yeah, uh huh,” oh gosh. When did I hurt her? I never hurt her. Now I’m getting nervous, “When she leave me, at dat place. She came over to read to me and bring me Teddy and then she had to go. And that hurt my heart, cause I miss her.”

         I felt Justin’s eyes on me as Ayden said that. He looks very surprised; I don’t know how to react.

         “Let the jury know Ayden is talking about Sari, Mr. Timberlake’s assistant. The only time she hurt Ayden is when officials made her leave Ayden at the shelter she is staying at when her birth mother decided to fight for custody, leaving Ayden all alone in a home. Now Ayden, do you know this woman over here?”

         Ayden looked over at Crazy Amber and shook her head quickly before turning back to our side of the room, “No. I know that lady over there,” she pointed to Justin’s mother, “That’s my Granny! Hi Granny!”

         “Let’s try to focus on that lady over here, ok Ayden? Are you sure you don’t know her?”

         “Oh yeah, I’m sure. I don’t know her at all. Can I go see my Daddy now? I miss Daddy, I don’t see him for a long time.”

         “Do you know why you had to go to that place?”

         She shook her head, “They said I hadda,” she shrugged, “But they nice, Lauren’s my favorite.”

         Justin’s lawyer sat down and my heart started beating fast again when Crazy Amber’s lawyer came up to question Ayden. Justin is whispering in his lawyer’s ear, I’m sure he’s telling him that he better stop them from asking anything difficult or anything that might make Ayden uncomfortable.

         “Ayden, I have some questions too, is that ok?” she nodded her head, “What does your Daddy do for a job?”

         “He sings.”

         “What happens when he goes on tour?”

         “I get to go on a bus and stay in cool hotels.”

         “Do you stay with your father all the time?”

         “No, sometimes I stay wit Sari too cause Daddy needs his sleep.” That doesn’t sound very good.

         “Do you ever watch Daddy when he’s on stage?”

         “No cause it’s not for kids.”

         “Does everyone know he’s your Daddy?”

         Ayden looked at him for a second trying to figure out exactly what the man was asking, “I dunno. I know he’s my Daddy.”

         “What about his fans?”

         Now she’s really confused but who can blame her. How stupid is this guy? He really thinks that Ayden knows if all of Justin’s fans know about her. What does that even matter? “I dunno,” she’s getting quiet now.

         “Did your Daddy ever tell you about your Mommy?”

         Ayden’s finger tapped on her chin, “I told you, I don’t got a Mommy. I got a Sari. She see me every single day and she do my hair and read me stories.”

         “Everybody has a Mommy Ayden.”

         “You’re honor,” Justin’s lawyer stood up, “Is this really necessary, she’s a four year old. I don’t think this is the time nor the place to have this discussion with her.”

         “You’re right,” the judge spoke, “This is not necessary, she’s a child. Anything else?” he didn’t wait long enough for a response, “I’m going to have a ten minute recess and allow Ayden to see her father. We’ll reconvene after that. Go ahead sweetie, go see your Daddy.”

         Both Ayden and Justin ran to each other like something out of a movie. She jumped up in his arms and Justin held onto her tightly, closing his eyes as if he was really trying to savor the moment.  “Are you alright Ayden, did they take care of you?”

         “Uh huh, I miss you though. You look pretty Daddy,” she giggled running her hands through his hair.

         “You look pretty Ayden,” Justin couldn’t get that smile off his face if he tried, “You got big.”

         “Oh. No suh. I’m glad you come cause when Sari come she said you couldn’t and I wanted you to come too.”

         Justin looked back at me again when Ayden mentioned that I went to see her, it seems like he figured out a way to get the smile off his face. I hate when he looks at me like that, “I’m sorry…they said I couldn’t tell you.”

         He turned his gaze back to Ayden and the smile was back, “I missed you too baby girl, but it’s ok, I’m here now. You’re going to be coming home soon.”

         “Like tonight? And we can have a tea party?”

         “Yeah,” he answered with a chuckle, “I owe you a lot of tea parties.”

         “Yay! And Sari too! And Granny! Hi Granny!” she waved and made her way into Justin’s mother’s arms.

         He’s clearly mad at me, but that’s not fair. It’ not my fault, I had to do something and they told me I couldn’t tell him. “Justin,” I grabbed onto his arm as he sat down, “I couldn’t tell you, they said I couldn’t.”

         “OK. Go sit down.”

         I did go sit down, because he needs to focus on other things right now. I probably should have told him, but I was so worried I wouldn’t get to see her. I could feel someone looking at me so I looked over to see Crazy Amber’s gaze on me. She gave me a half smile before sitting back at her table. I really hate her. 

         It’s cold now. It’s like somebody left the door open in the middle of a snowstorm. The only problem is that there’s not a snowstorm, in fact it’s 73 degrees outside. I’m sitting in the row behind Justin and his lawyers next to his mother as the judge goes back to his spot and tells Lauren to take Ayden away once again. I suppose it’s good that she doesn’t sit here through the whole trial but I’m still not exactly comfortable with them taking her away.

         Justin hugs his daughter tightly before kissing her forehead and promising her he’ll see her soon and that he is indebted countless tea parties. He doesn’t look back at me, not even for a second, as he sits back down next to his lawyer and folds his hands on the table in front of him. I can’t help but feel guilty for not telling him I’ve been seeing his daughter, but they specifically told me I couldn’t. Justin doesn’t care about what they told me; in his eyes I should have told him.

         “Sari Morgan to the stand, please.”

         I took a deep breath before stepping up. This is it; this is my chance to get the best for Ayden. “Sari, please tell the court your relationship with Mr. Timberlake.”

         “I’m his assistant.”

         “What kind of duties does that job entail?”

         “I just basically help him with anything he needs help with.”

         The lawyer nodded his head and paced around, making me even more nervous than I already am, if that was possible, “How long have you worked for him?”

         “Just over three years,” I answered before licking my lips, everyone’s eyes are on me. I hate attention.

         “In your opinion is Justin a good father?”

         I nodded my head, trying to figure out a way to get through this without lying. I do believe Justin is a good father when he wants to be and I’m absolutely positive that this was the wakeup call he needed and now he’s going to be an amazing father now that he’s the new Justin. “Yes sir, he tries his hardest.” 

         “Have you ever seen him abuse Ayden, physically?”

         “Absolutely not, he never laid a finger on her.”

         “Have you ever witnessed Justin verbally abusing Ayden?”

         I bit at my lip and looked between Justin and his lawyer and shook my head, “I mean… no more than normal.” I’m a horrible liar and I’m under oath but I don’t know how the fuck to answer that question. Everyone was so sure that I’d do great up here that they failed to coach me on the one question that I need help with.

         “What does that mean? No more than normal?” the Amber’s lawyer asked, moving closer.

         “Like… he has his moments I guess but not like…”

         “I would like to remind you that you’re under oath.”

         “I’m aware, thank you,” I said as I gazed right back at him. I can be a bitch too. He’s trying to make me nervous and intimidate me but it’s not going to work. “Yeah, Justin has had his moments where he may not have handled situations exactly the way he should have. But I don’t think it’s more than any father, or single father trying to raise a daughter. He has a very stressful career and um… at times it comes home with him but that’s what I’m for. I can take her out of those situations and help him deal with it on his own.”

         “And that’s normal?” the asshole lawyer asked.

         “Most fathers have support from their daughter’s mother and since Justin does not,” I looked at the crazy Amber, “that’s where I come in. I think that’s very normal. I think it shows a lot that he’s willing to ask for help able to do what he needs to do in order to have what’s best for Ayden. Instead of say, dropping her off on someone’s doorstep.”

         Justin had a slight smirk on his face when I looked over at him while Amber slouched back with her arms crossed over her chest. 

         “What do you do when Ayden asks about her mother?”

         “Ayden doesn’t ask about her mother.”

         “You don’t think a little girl needs a mother?’

         “Of course I think she needs a female role model but I don’t think it has to be the woman that gave birth to her.”

         “Don’t you think it would be the best situation for Ayden to have a relationship with the woman that gave birth to her?”

         “In a perfect world, sure. I don’t think that Ayden should have a relationship with the woman that blackmailed her father into giving her seven million dollars. Obviously this lady does not care about Ayden but has some issues with her father. It’s ridiculous to think that any mother would want her daughter to spend weeks in a home because of an issue that could have been settled in other ways. I don’t think any woman that loves their daughter would ever put her through what Amber is putting Ayden through, which is why I don’t think of Amber as Ayden’s mother and I know Ayden doesn’t either. So to answer your question, no I do not think Ayden should have a relationship with the woman that gave birth to her.”

         The lawyer kept pacing but he’s becoming less intimidating. I think he’s worried that I’m not just an idiot and I actually know what I’m talking about. He should be worried; I’m not giving up without a fight. There is no way in hell I’m letting Ayden go with this lady.

         “That’s not facts, that’s her opinion. Did you ever think that Ayden living with her mother would be a better situation and give her in a more stable life?”

         “I want what’s best for Ayden. If I honestly thought for even a second that Ayden would be better off with Amber I would be all for it. It would hurt like hell and I’d have a hard time getting by without her but I want what’s best for her. There is not one tiny single piece of me that thinks she would have even a slightly better life with Amber.”

         “Everyone wants what’s best for the girl.”

         “I really wish that was true, but actions speak louder than words, right?”

         He took a deep breath and sat down, “And for the record, you do have a relationship with Mr. Timberlake, outside of the working environment?”

         “Objection!” Justin’s lawyer spoke up before I could answer, “Your honor, that has nothing to do with anything.”

         I don’t think Justin and I have any kind of a relationship outside of the professional aspect. Sure, the past few weeks he’s been different and maybe I would actually consider him a friend… a friend that I’ve made out with.

         Luckily the questioning ended and I was able to go back to my seat as they called Amber to the stand. She just makes herself look stupid.  No one is buying her bullshit. She can’t even answer the questions and her answers don’t make sense.    

         They took another recess for lunch after the questioning of Amber was over. Unfortunately they didn’t let us eat with Ayden. “You did great sweetie,” Justin’s mother placed a hand on my shoulder before sitting down next to me. 

         “Yes, I especially liked the dropping Ayden off on someone’s doorstep line,” Justin answered with that same half smile before he took a bite of his sandwich.

         “It’s true,” I answered softly causing Justin to chuckle.

         “It is,” he answered simply.

         I’m actually quite surprised at how much I like the new lawyers. Justin was right in his moment of fury in firing the old ones. He probably should have fired them a long time ago, but I’m glad he smartened up. As the lawyers went over everything he was supposed to say when he’s called up to the stand he sat up straight listening intently.

         I don’t know when I’m going to get used to this new Justin, but a part of me is waiting for the old one to come back. I shouldn’t be so pessimistic, deep down I don’t think Justin is going to go back to his old ways although I’m sure he’ll still have his moments. He just really wants his daughter back, it’s horrible that it took her being taken away for him to realize how mucky he is to have her, but at least it worked.

         “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked Justin softly once his lawyers left.

         He shook his head before speaking, “Not now Sari.”

         “Just for a minute. Please?” it’s so obvious that he’s still mad at me because I went to see Ayden and I didn’t tell him.

         “I’m busy.”

         Ugh, he drives me crazy sometimes. “You’re not busy Justin. A minute. You can’t be pissed off when you’re up there it’s going to show.”

         He took a deep breath before standing up and grabbing onto my wrist so he could pull me into an empty room.  “This is not the time.”

         “It is the time. I don’t want you to be pissed at me because I got to see her.”

         “I’m not.”

         I know I rolled my eyes but I don’t even care. “They told me I couldn’t tell you. I went in to the office and I begged them to let me see her so I could at least see she was ok. I hurt like hell thinking that she was there all alone and didn’t know anyone cared.”

         “No shit,” Justin answered as he paced around the room, “You don’t think that shit bothered me too?”

         “I know it did. That’s why I went. I wanted to make sure for everyone.”

         “I was so fucking worried about her and you couldn’t even tell me she was ok?” he shouted, running his hands through his hair.

         “I did tell you she was ok. Every time you told me you were worried about her I told you she was fine. They took good care of her. Wouldn’t you rather me be able to make sure they took care of her? At least Ayden got to see someone she knows. At least she knew we still care.”

         “It’s bullshit Sari, don’t try to turn it all around. You should have told me.”

         “They told me I couldn’t!”

         “Well fuck that, since when do you listen to everything people tell you to do? Especially with Ayden, you never do what people tell you to do; you do what’s best for her. That’s what you care about, what’s best for her and what’s best for you. You don’t give a shit about anyone else.”

         “That’s such bullshit! You know that’s not true.”

         “I don’t know it’s not true.  I used to, or I thought I knew you cared about other people but I don’t know that anymore. You know how I couldn’t sleep at night. You know how much fucking shit I went through and you couldn’t just tell me you were seeing her and she’s fine. No. Instead you sneak out and pretend you’re going to the fucking grocery store when I’m up in my room having fucking panic attacks.”

         “They told me I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to be able to see her, I though if I told you they wouldn’t let me. I wanted to tell you; obviously I wanted to tell you. You know I do so much shit for you. I was having serious issues because I wanted to tell you and I thought that it would calm you down and make you better but they told me over and over again if I told you I wouldn’t be able to go see her. I did it for Ayden. She needed to see someone she knows. I’m sure she would have much rather had you there instead of me, but no family members were allowed to see her. I managed to be able to see her Justin, you should be happy that she saw someone she knew and she wasn’t alone feeling abandoned.”

         Justin took a deep breath before answering, “You’re right, I should thank you.” he said with a hint of sarcasm, “Thanks for sneaking away to go see me daughter while I’m in my figuring out away to deal with fact that they took my FUCKING daughter and I have no idea where she is or what they’re doing to her. Thanks Sari.” He slammed the door, leaving me inside as he stormed back into the courtroom. OK, so that’s not exactly going to help him calm down while he’s on the stand. 

         It was cold a little while ago, but now I’m hot. I’m sweating, in fact, because I’m scared. Now I’m nervous, I’m officially nervous. We were doing so great. Ayden went up on the stand and told everyone how much she misses her father. Crazy Amber went up and looked like a complete crack head fool. Even I went up and managed to actually do a good job. But none of that matters.

         The jury knows any little girl wants to go back to the people she knows. They know I want Ayden back but she’s not my daughter so it doesn’t do too much good. There is no possible way Amber will get custody of Ayden, but will Justin?

         That’s not a definite. In fact there’s a very good chance they’ll find neither of the parents to be fit and she’ll go back to that foster home. That can’t happen. It shouldn’t happen. I need to convince myself that it won’t happen. Justin has been trained for countless hours about how to answer questions and keep his temper in check. I can’t even express how much I need him to do that.

         “Justin Timberlake.”

         I took a deep breath as Justin walked up to the stand. He’s tense; he’s definitely not in his charming Justin mode like he’s in when he’s on television or doing an interview. This is the one time in his life that he needs to put that fake charming persona on but he’s tense and pissed off and honestly he looks a little evil.

         After he was sworn in his eyes were bouncing all over the room. He needs to fucking focus!

         “Mr. Timberlake, when did you first become aware that you had a daughter?”

         Justin didn’t answer right away; instead he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. What is wrong with him? His mother looks worried, she probably should be. He needs to look at his mother so she can calm him down with a look, I’m sure she can do that. She can do anything she’s like Super Mom.

         “I uh…” he began, running his hands through his hair and licking his lips before finally turning his gaze to the lawyer. There was a definite shift, he sat up straight like he just realized for the first time he better be the charming Justin Timberlake so he can get his daughter back. “Amber showed up at my door with an eight month old Ayden and told me she was mine.”

         “Then what happened?”

         “She told me she was going to sell her story and put Ayden up for adoption because having a kid wasn’t easy. Amber didn’t realize she wouldn’t be able to go out partying or drinking every night when there’s a crying kid in the other room.”

         “What did you do?”

         “I told her I didn’t want my kid to grow up in a foster home and I’d take her in.”

         “So that was it?”

         “Hardly,” Justin added with a chuckle, “We sat down with my lawyers and gave her seven million dollars so she wouldn’t sell the story.”

         They lawyers handed the judge the official paperwork everyone signed before continuing, “How did you meet Amber?”

         “It was after a show, at a club I would assume.”

         “Is it safe to say it was a one night stand?”

         “Yes, I never heard from her again until she showed up at my door.”

         The questioning continued with Justin’s lawyer setting the record straight for everyone in the courtroom. . This is the easy part, when Amber’s lawyer comes up it’s going to be tough. I’m surprised she has such a good lawyer, but I guess selling your daughter for seven million dollars pays for pretty good lawyers.

         “Mr. Timberlake, why did you hide your daughter?” good fucking question. I’ve been trying to figure that out since that day Amber dropped her off at the door.

         “To protect her,” he answered right away, as if there was no other possible reason why he was doing it. “I’m in a business where everything I do is looked at and judged. I mean, you can tell that by the crowd of people outside. These are things I have to deal with every day of my life and I don’t want my daughter involved in that. I can’t have her involved in that. I don’t want people taking her picture or trying to get all close to her. It’s scary for me, never mind how scary it is for a three year old.”

         Good answer. He’s going well.

         “So you hid her and when magazines found out you pretended she was your assistant’s daughter.”

         Justin licked his lips and looked at me before speaking, “I was advised to do that, I thought it would protect her. I didn’t see the harm in it as a temporary solution as we figured out a way to keep Ayden out of the spotlight.”

         “According to the police report from the day Ayden was taken to the foster home, Ayden was screaming for Sari, your assistant instead of you, her father.”

         “Ayden and Sari have been close since the day I got her. Sari’s a natural comforter; she’s Ayden’s mother figure. I don’t know why that’s a bad thing.”

         “It’s a bad thing Mr. Timberlake because she’s your daughter, not Sari’s daughter.”

         “I understand that,” Justin answered strongly, “I mean, if that were me when I was a kid I would have cried for my mother instead of my father.”

         “Because she’s your mother. Sari is not Ayden’s mother.”

         “She’s the closest thing she has to a mother. Why is that such an issue? We want Ayden to come home to Sari and me.  I’m not trying to take her away from Sari. Amber is trying to take her away from Sari and me. We’re a package deal. So what if Ayden calls for Sari once in awhile. I guarantee she’ll call for me before Amber, and that’s the real issue isn’t it?”

         “Also according to police reports,” the man continued quickly. Justin’s answer actually makes sense and he’s getting worried so he wants to change the subject. “When Ayden was taken away you didn’t even say goodbye to her. Your assistant said goodbye and told Ayden that she loved her and you did not.”

         “You took my kid away, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.” Justin’s getting upset again, he needs to calm down and make sure his temper doesn’t break through.  “Look man, the issue is not if I said goodbye when I couldn’t even see straight because my daughter was literally taken away from me. The issue is if I’m a good enough father to take care of my three and a half year old daughter that I’ve been taking care of for three years. I’m not trying to say I’m the best damn father in the world. I need help with her and I have problems sometimes but I get help. I have Sari, who is the best possible person to have in Ayden’s life. She takes care of her, she lies to me so she can sneak off and see Ayden because she worries about her so much.  She’s the only person in the world that understands what I was going through because she was going through it right there with me. So what if she’s not Ayden’s mother? Are you trying to tell me that Amber is more of Ayden’s mother just because she gave birth to her? The facts are simple. Amber showed up at my house and just left Ayden, without a second thought. She never turned back; she never called to see how she was. She never gave a shit and she still doesn’t. It’s absolutely ridiculous that anyone thinks for even a second that Amber should get to even see Ayden. She wanted nothing to do with my daughter; she should have nothing to do with her. This is a kid we’re talking about, it’s not a dog or teddy bear. She’s a living, breathing, adorable three year old. She doesn’t deserve to be in a foster home because the lady that gave birth to her wants her fifteen minutes of fame. It’s unbelievable that it even got this far. We need to just end this, give me my kid back, and let everything go back to the way it was.”

         That was the end of the questioning. Justin is a little shook up as he walked back to his seat and the court went to their final recess so they could actually decided the case.

         “You did really good. I’m proud of you.” I said as Justin sat down next to me.

         “You’re proud of me?” he asked with a chuckle as he rubbed his eyes.

         “I am, you did a good job.  You managed to control your temper, you had me worried.”

         He laughed and rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry. We’re good.”

         It didn’t take anywhere near as long as I thought it would for everyone to come back out with the verdict. I can’t even explain the feeling when they said Justin got full custody and Amber had absolutely no rights and needed to stay the hell away from Ayden and Justin. Deep down I knew that we’d get her back, but when the judge actually said it and Ayden was actually back in Justin’s arms it was honestly the best moment of my life.

         We went right back to the house and started baking cookies for the tea party. “I wanna put in a lot a lotta chocolate chips, k?” Ayden asked as she grabbed handfuls of chips and dumped them in the cookie dough.

         “As many as you want Ayden,” Justin smiled as he watched her dumping them in.

         “Oh, I can’t wait! They’re gonna be yummy cause we like extra chocolate. Huh Daddy?”

         “I love the chocolate chips!” Justin smiled and kissed his daughter’s forehead. This is the way it’s supposed to be and I really think he’s learned his lesson and he’s actually going to keep it up.

         “Me too!” Ayden giggled as I placed the greased pan in front of them and sat down, “I memba how to do it Sari! First you gotta make a bally and then you put it on the pan like this!” she said as she dropped the ball on the pan.

         “Perfect!” I smiled, “You still remember. You’re so smart.”

         “I am smart. Daddy, did you know a cock-a-roach can live for nine days without its head?”

         “No way! Really?” Justin asked as he rolled his own cookie, “Do you think you could live without your head for nine days?”

         “Oh yeah, uh huh.”

         “No you could not,” Justin laughed.

         “Yes suh!” Ayden giggled, “Ok, how about six days.”

         “I don’t think so Ayden.”

         I’m just going to sit back and take this all in. I feel like this is another one of my dreams, I need someone to pinch me. Ayden is actually home and she’s not going anywhere. Justin is sitting here making cookies and being silly with her, he’s not even for a second getting annoyed or being the slightest bit of an asshole.

         “Sarrrri!” Ayden called my name and woke me from my thoughts, “How come you’re not workin? We need help.”

         “Sorry,” I laughed as I grabbed some dough in my hand.

         Justin smiled at me while Ayden went back to the dough, “Are you crying?”

         “No.” I shook my head; I’m so bad at hiding this stuff.

         “Yes you are,” he laughed slightly, “you’re always randomly crying.”

         “Shut up,” I rolled my eyes.

         I’ve never had that much fun having a tea party with both Ayden and Justin. In fact, I’ve never even had a tea party with Justin. I’ve had plenty of tea parties with Ayden but Justin’s always been somewhere else. We decided to have a sleepover after the tea party since it was already late and I did promise her we’d have a sleepover before they took her.  We set out all the blankets and watched Monster’s Inc. but Ayden was asleep before we were even halfway through the movie.

         I lay on the ground with Ayden sleeping soundly between Justin and myself. Justin looked at his daughter before whispering, “Is she asleep already?”

         “Yeah, she’s out.” I answered as I watched her sleeping soundly. I really missed her; I can’t believe she’s back. “Do you want me to take her back to my place?”

         “No,” Justin answered quickly with a laugh, “She’s staying here.”

         “Yeah but, I mean she should have a bed.”

         “She has a bed here, but she’s fine.”

         “Come on Justin,” I whined, “I’ll take her, it’s not a big deal.”

         “It is a big deal. She’s staying here. You can go back if you want.”

         “I’m staying with her.”

         Justin laughed, “So am I, so we’re stuck here then.”

         “Fine, I don’t care, I’ll stay here.”

         “Fine. Stay here.” He answered with a smile as he sat up against the couch.

         “Fine.” I said as I sat up next to him.

Justin slapped my leg gently, “So we got her back.”

“Yeah, we got her back,” I smiled before Justin placed his arm around me, “This is so awkward,” I answered honestly, although I probably should have kept that to myself.

“You’re awkward,” he chuckled as he grabbed the remote with his other hand, “Relax. Let’s watch something else. ”

         It’s been three weeks since Ayden’s been back and I feel like I’ve been living in a fairy tale. Ayden’s been behaving perfectly, she’s so excited to be home. Justin has managed to say no to every single engagement his managers want him to do and hasn’t left Ayden’s side since she’s been home.

         “Daddy! The sky is white cause we’re in the clouds!” Ayden looked up at her father with a smile as he held her in his lap.

         “You’re right smarty pants, you remembered that from the last time we were on a plane.” Justin smiled before kissing her forehead and holding onto her tightly. “Do you remember why everything looks so small?”

         “Yeah, silly cause we’re so high in the sky and it looks small. But it’s not small, it’s still big we’re just way way up high!”

         “You’re smart Ayden,” Justin said as he looked across at me, “That one was all you.”

I shrugged and smiled back, I don’t really remember telling her that but I’ll take credit for it.

“I can see Granny’s house,” Justin continued as he turned his gaze back to the window, “Do you see it Ayden?”

“No suh!” Ayden giggled, “Granny’s house is big, that one’s tiny.”

“I thought everything was tiny because we’re so high in the sky.”

“Ohhhh. But Granny’s house is big even in the sky!”

Ayden’s right, Justin’s mother’s house is huge, even bigger than Justin’s.  I’ve only been to the house in Tennessee a few times. Justin doesn’t go home that much, unless it’s a holiday and I’m spending time with my own family. It’s always great when Justin goes home because it’s the only place in the world that people don’t pay any special attention to him. I always thought he needed a good trip home every few months to get his head back on straight.

Now we don’t have to worry about that. I’d say Justin’s head has been on straighter than it’s ever been before. Back home it’s pure hysteria. Not only are there paparazzi camping outside of Justin’s house but there’s also actual news and reporters. Everyone is so interested in Justin and Ayden, it’s getting out of control. We’re pretty much trapped in our own home. It’s crazy because Justin’s whole reason for hiding Ayden in the first place was because everyone is so crazy and wants her picture and now it’s actually happening. They all feel so bad that everything happened but that doesn’t stop them.

We had to sneak out in the middle of the night and stay at a hotel near the airport so they wouldn’t follow us to Tennessee. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m praying they’ll stay by the house in LA for as long as we’re here.

As soon as the plane landed Justin grabbed Ayden and literally ran off. He acts like a little kid when he goes home, I think it’s because this is his only escape. He doesn’t have to be Justin Timberlake world famous celebrity. When he’s home he’s just Justin, that kid that lives in the house by the river with the big porch and the tractor in the yard.

I took my time and gathered up Ayden’s coloring book and crayons along with my own book before walking off the plane. Justin was twirling Ayden in the air while a couple men put the suitcases in the back of the Escalade that was waiting for us.

By the time I got to the car Ayden was already in her car seat and Justin was waiting patiently in the driver’s seat. He’s in quite the rush to get home even though he just saw his mother a few days ago. I guess it’s just the whole idea of being at his house.

“The air smells better, don’t you think?” Justin asked seriously as he turned to see my reaction.

“It smells better?”

“Yeah, fresh, clean. None of that smog crap, it’s all fresh air like we’re in the middle of the woods. We are in the middle of the woods,” he corrected himself with a quick chuckle, “You know what I mean.”

I nodded my head, “It does smell better.”

“It smells like marshmallows!” Ayden giggled from the backseat.

“Marshmallows?” I asked with a laugh. I don’t think marshmallows even smell.

“Uh huh. Marshmallows.”

“I do love marshmallows,” Justin smiled.

“Uh huh. Oh! Daddy can we make the ones on a stick in the fire? Memba when we do that here?”

“Of course, I’m sure Granny has some marshmallow’s hanging around somewhere.”

How cute is it that Ayden things Tennessee smells like marshmallows because she remembers roasting them by the fire? Too cute. Just when I think there’s no possible way she can get more adorable she goes and says something like that.

         When we pulled into the driveway at Lynn’s house she came running out. I don’t know who is more excited about this trip. They all ran into each other’s arms so I thought I might as well start taking the suitcases out of the car.  I took a deep breath of the fresh country air and for once understood what Justin was talking about. The air does smell better, it’s like we’re in a whole different world.

         “Sari, get over here!” Lynn shouted as she placed Ayden down to run around the front yard. I walked towards her but she pulled me into a hug quickly. “I’m so glad you came. How are you doing sweetie?”

         “I’m great, how are you?”

         “Wonderful,” she’s just looking at me and smiling. I’m not exactly sure what Justin tells his mother but she’s definitely looking at me weird.

         “Ma,” Justin called out from the trunk with a chuckle, “Don’t start.”

         “I’m not starting nothing,” she said before grabbing onto my hand and walking me to the trunk so we could help Justin bring the bags in.

         “Go inside, I got it.” Justin answered before literally pushing us away and giving his mother a look of warning.

I followed her inside and the smell of barbeque filled the house. Now I’m convinced that it smells better out here. I’m just about ready to move in. “How’s he been?”

“Really, really good. Like a new and improved Justin.”

Lynn laughed as she stirred the mashed potatoes, “It’s not new and improved, sweetie. It’s more like he’s back to his old self. He just got caught up in the madness; he was never really like that. You know what he was like when you started working for him. It was never that bad.”

I nodded my head, “I know.” It is true. When I first started working for Justin he was very similar to the way he’s been acting recently. I’m not making excuses for him, but as soon as his music started to explode and his management started booking him for everything possible, he started acting like the asshole. Hopefully he learned his lesson and is now able to say no.

Ayden came running through the door giggling like a hyena covered in dirt. She hid behind me as Justin came chasing after her, covered in just about as much dirt. How is it possible for two people to get that dirty in three minutes?

“Nooo!” Ayden screamed between laughter, “No! Daddy’s gonna get me! No! Sari help!”

“Don’t bring Sari into this Ayden. This is between you and me. Move out of the way Sari. I’ll go right through you.”

I held my hands up, “I’m not getting involved.”

“No Sari! Stay there! Daddy’s gonna get me!”

Justin laughed and placed a hand on either of my hips before lifting me up in one swoop and placing me a few feet away so he had perfect access to Ayden. “Now I got ya!”

“You two need to stop. Why are ya’ll so dirty?”

“Ayden decided it would be a good idea to make a mud pie.” Justin answered quickly. It’s so funny how he goes right back to being a twelve year old when his mother yells at him and starts blaming everything on his little girl.

“Not uh!” Ayden pouted and crossed her arms over her chest, “I was just makin a mud pie for Granny but then Daddy came and made one too but he threw it at me!”

I saw Justin’s mouth drop open as he watched his daughter sell him out right before his eyes. “That is not how it happened.”

“Yes sir!” Ayden answered. “I wasn’t doing nothing but then Daddy came and was being silly and said he was gonna make a big pie for Sari and then he dropped it and it made a big splash and got all over his pants. I was laughin and then he said that’s not funny and he throws mud at me!”

“I would never…” Justin answered with a chuckle.

“Yes suh Daddy! You did!”

I can’t do anything but laugh. It’s kind of amazing that little Ayden is selling out her Daddy. “It’s not funny Sari,” Justin said seriously.

“It is kind of funny,” I smiled back.

“Not really,” Justin smiled before picking up Ayden, “We’re going to get cleaned up.”

“Ya’ll better hurry. Dinner’s just about ready.”

“We’ll hurry.” Justin said as he walked upstairs, “I can’t believe you told my Mommy on me Ayden.”

“Daddy, you was getting me in trouble!”

“So you got me in trouble?”

“Yeah, cause I don’t wanna be in trouble.”

“Granny wasn’t gonna yell at you.”

I laughed as they made their way upstairs and I could no longer hear them bickering. They’re so funny. I helped Lynn finish up dinner so when Ayden and Justin came back downstairs we were ready to eat. She’s such an amazing cook, I could get used to having her cook for me every day.

After dinner Justin made a bonfire so Ayden could roast her marshmallows.  I’ve been spending a lot of time just sitting back and watching them. I can’t get over how good Justin has been treating her. He held onto her tightly as she reached over to roast her marshmallow and tried to bite it off the stick before Ayden could get it. I’ve never seen either of them this happy before in my life.

“Night Sari!” Ayden hugged me tightly when it was time for her to go to bed.

“Goodnight Ayden, sleep tight.”

“I’ll be back, don’t go in.” Justin said to me before picking up Ayden and leaving me outside alone with the fire. Even the little things get me so excited. Justin never put Ayden to bed and ever since she’s been home I haven’t been able to put her to bed once.

Justin came back out awhile later, “Sorry. She needed a story.”

“It’s fine, she’s doing good.”

“Yeah, she’s doing great,” he laughed, “My mom’s watching her. Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“For a walk.” He answered as he headed towards the woods.

“In the woods?”

“In the woods. Don’t be scared. Its just a couple feet into the woods then there’s a clearing,” Justin laughed as he grabbed onto my hand, “I’ll protect you from the bears.”

“There’s so not bears.”

“Alright, whatever you say Sari.” I know he’s just teasing me. He better be just teasing me.

“Did you always live in this house?”

“No. Well we had this land. We had a small little two-bedroom shack. I knocked it down and built this one.”

“It’s huge.”

“Yeah. My mom thinks it’s too big but she’s got people visiting all the time, and when we come home we’d never be able to fit if it were any smaller. Especially later on if I got more kids and a wife and shit.”

“You want more kids?” I never really thought about it but I guess I just assumed Ayden was it for him.

“Oh yeah, a whole house full of them,” he chuckled, “I’m the only child and it sucked, Ayden needs brothers and sisters. Not now though, I’m going to do it the right way this time. What about you?”

“I want kids, of course.”

“How many?”

“As many as I can afford.”

Justin laughed, “That could be dangerous.”

“Not really.”

“You’re going to be like Angie and Brad. A little further, are you doing alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I can walk through the woods.”

“Yeah? I thought you were a city girl,” Justin answered with a chuckle.  I’m hardly a city girl, I didn’t grow up in the middle of the woods like him but I definitely didn’t grow up in the city. 

He stopped when the woods opened up to a huge field lit by the moonlight.  “Oh my God,” I couldn’t help but say as I looked up to the sky full of stars. “I’ve never seen this many stars in my life.”

“I know it’s amazing isn’t it. You can’t see shit in LA.” he said before leading me to the middle of the field and laying down. “Come on girl, lay down with me and get a good look.”

It’s really romantic out here, which I’m sure has a lot to do with why he brought me out here. “How many girls have you taken out here Justin?”

         He laughed quickly before answering, “Now you know I don’t take a lot of girls home Sari.”

         “So how many girls do you take to look at the stars back in California?”

         “I already told you, you can’t see shit in California.” Justin chuckled again before pulling me to his chest, “You’re acting like you don’t know me.”

         “No, I’m acting like I do know you. That’s the problem.”

         “You think I’m going to hurt you.” It wasn’t really a question; it was more like a statement.  It’s not that I think he’s going to hurt me, but I don’t know if he’s really looking for what I’m looking for. “You think too much. You gotta just feel and go with it. I’m not going to hurt you Sari. I couldn’t hurt you if I tried.”

         “I know,” I answered softly. I do know he’s not going to do anything to purposely hurt me. I also know he doesn’t do that. When he has a girlfriend he treats her amazingly. The only girls he treats like shit are the ones he just wants to have one-night stands with. Come to think of it, even those girls he doesn’t treat like shit. I supposed they have some kind of an agreement going on that sex is all that they’re there for. I’m just not like that, at all. I don’t believe in casual sex at all and I certainly would never just freely sleep around. I guess I’m old fashioned and out of date but I still think sex should be special and not something shared with random people.

         “We’ll take it as slow as you want to Sari. I’m in no rush.” Justin finished and ran his hand through my hair as we laid in silence looking up at the stars.

         “It is very romantic,” I spoke after awhile of silence.

         “I’m romantic Sari, you’re acting like you don’t even know me.”

         I turned my head so I could see that cocky smile cover his face and laughed as I rested my arm over his chest. “Yeah, so romantic. Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

         He laughed at my question; “I thought you wanted to take it slow.”

         “You took me all the way out here just to look at the stars? I find that hard to believe.”

         “Well, of course I didn’t take you out here just to look at the stars but you kind of shot everything else to shit, huh?” he chuckled.

         “I did not!” I laughed, “I didn’t say anything, you said everything.”

         “Now you’re not even making sense. How many marshmallows did you have?” Justin asked with a sarcastic laugh.

         I took a deep breath that only made Justin laugh harder. It’s not that funny, I don’t know why he finds everything so funny. “So we’re just going to look at the stars?”

         “Yup. Just look at the stars.”

         “Fine.” So it is really romantic out here and all I want is for him to kiss me. Why is that so hard? I know that’s why he brought me out here, but now he’s acting like I’m the crazy one and he just wants to look at the stars. “You’re really not going to kiss me?”

         Justin laughed again before gently placing his lips against mine but pulling away way too quickly, “Just because you’re so desperate.”

         He finds this whole situation absolutely hilarious but that’s fine. I’m not going to beg him to kiss me. I can play just like him. Ok, so I probably can’t because even that short, tiny kiss was amazing. He’s trying to tease me by giving me a sweet kiss then pulling away and pretending like there’s something real interesting up in the sky. I like the stars as much as the next person but it’s not like there’s a meteor shower going on or something. It’s the same thing every night. We could very easily make out a little and then look at the stars, or even come out again tomorrow night and look at the same stars in the sky.

         “You’re thinking too much again.”

         “Of course I’m thinking. How am I supposed to not think? Is it even possible to stop thinking? There’s no way…”

         “Shh,” he pressed his lips against mine again, even though I’m pretty sure this time it was to shut me up. I don’t really care though; I’ll take what I can get. I think it’s safe to say I’m not thinking too much anymore, I’ve found the one way that can get me to stop thinking. His lips taste so good and he’s such an amazing kisser. I could seriously spend the rest of my life just kissing him and be perfectly happy.

         Justin rolled on top of me deepening the kiss and slowly slid his tongue into my mouth. I massaged it with mine and now it’s official, I don’t even remember how to think. I don’t even remember my own name. Justin’s hand slid down to my pants as he rested his thumbs under the elastic of my sweatpants. Now I need to start thinking again.

         “Wait, Justin wait.” I didn’t want him to stop, part of me would be completely fine with him pulling my clothes off and doing whatever the hell he wants to with me but that’s not me. I’m not that girl and I know I’d have issues for a very long time if I were to pretend to be.

         “Yeah. Sorry. Slow. I’m not used to that,” he smiled before sitting up.

         “It’s ok, it’s just…. I know you’re like… with girls,” I don’t know how to say it without making it sound bad, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the way.

         Luckily Justin laughed, “You know that huh? Girl, I’m cleaner than clean.”

         “I’m sure you are but…”

         “But… you don’t believe me. It’s cool Sari. I keep up with this shit.” He’s still kind of laughing, I hope I’m not looking like an asshole but I do know him. I’ve been working with him for three years and I know what happens after all those shows. It’s not that it worries me because I don’t think he’s still into that. I understand that it’s a phase and he’s a guy and that kind of stuff happens. But I’m not about to just go and sleep with him without him getting tested.

         “It’s cool, I’m not mad. You’re thinking too much again,” he chuckled, “I’m all for being responsible and smart. I’ll go get tested, let’s do it.  You’re coming with me though, and you’re doing it too.”

         I laughed, it would be kind of stupid of me to make him go and not go myself. Although clearly I don’t have an STD, especially since I haven’t slept with anyone in like… years. We don’t need to worry about that. “I’ll go.”

         “Fine then,” he stood up and held his hand out to help me up and then wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked back to the house, “You’re so responsible. I knew I kept you around for something. A little desperate though. I can’t believe you begged me to kiss you.”

         “I did not beg you to do anything, shut up. I just don’t think you should take me out there and then act like we’re just looking at the stars.”

         He laughed as he walked me to my room, “That’s all we were doing, looking at the stars.”

         “Sure.”

         “Sure,” he smiled as he stopped at my door. “Good night Sari, sweet dreams.”

         “Goodnight Justin,” I answered softly before he slowly leaned in and kissed me again. I would love to make this kissing thing last a little longer but his mother’s room is right there and I do feel like I’m back in high school and she just might walk out and catch us.

         Justin laughed after he pulled away from me, “Night Sari.”

         “Look who’s finally up!” Ayden giggled as I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. I heard Justin chuckling from behind the stove making it obvious he told her to say that.

         I rolled my eyes and went to pour myself a cup of coffee but Justin shooed me away so instead I sat down next to Ayden. “Good Morning Ayden,” I smiled before kissing her forehead. It’s so weird now that she’s back. It’s like she never left, but I remember the time she was gone all too well.

         “Good Morning Sari! Daddy’s makin pancakes! Mix a pancake, r32;Beat a pancake, r32;Put it in a pan. r32;Cook a pancake, r32;Toss a pancake, r32;Catch it if you can!” she sang the song, complete with hand movements repeating it a few times until Justin joined in and she stopped. “Daddy! Stop singing! You’re ruining it!”

         “I’m ruining it?” Justin asked with a laugh, “You think my voice is that bad?”

         “Yeah Daddy, cause I’m singing it and you’re ruining it!”

         I laughed at Ayden’s sudden attitude shift all because her father, the professional singer, was singing and ruining her song.  It’s so cute that he’s this huge celebrity around the world but to his daughter he’s still a dorky father just like every father is.

         “Where is your mother?”

         “Granny went to get her hair cleaned and made pretty!” Ayden answered for her father, she’s in quite the mood today.

         Justin nodded his head in agreement as he placed a plate of pancakes in front of me and cut up Ayden’s, “Did you sleep ok, Sari?”

         “I did, thank you. These look good.” I’m still getting used to this domesticated Justin. To think of all those years that I had to cook for him because I thought if I didn’t he’d starve. He tricked me real good.

         “They taste good too, huh?” he smiled up at me before turning his gaze back to the pancakes in front of Ayden. “After breakfast we’re going to head on down to the park. Granny says they put a new playground in with a cool merry-go-round so I think we should check it out. What do you think Ayden?”

         “I think yeah!” she hit her hands on the table and giggled, “We gotta go on the merry-go-round!”

         “Someone’s a little crazy today,” I said as I took a bite of the pancake, “Mmm. God Justin, you’ve really been holding out on me.”

         He laughed as he sat down across from Ayden and I, “Are you coming Sari?”

         “I wouldn’t miss it.”

         The walk to the park was a little longer than I expected. I’m definitely not complaining but it’s just a little weird that Justin wanted to walk when he usually would rather drive. I realize how different it is that we’re here, in Tennessee, where no one is even giving him a second look as he walks down the street. I like it here, I really do.

         Justin stood in front of the gate ready to go over the rules before Ayden rushed in the playground, “No throwing sand, no screaming, play nice with the other kids. Got it?”

         “Got it! Let me in Daddy! I wanna go play!”

         “Go play! Be careful!” Justin opened the fence and Ayden ran in like she was running a race.  “She’s gone crazy today,” he laughed as I followed him to a bench.

         “I think so, I’d say she’s getting back to the way things were before everything happened.”

         “Oh yeah, she’s been back there for awhile.”

         We spent the rest of the afternoon at the new playground running around with Ayden like we were both three years old again. I’m having much more fun on this little vacation that I thought I would. After awhile Justin decided it was time to go but Ayden wasn’t having it. He grabbed her hand and got down to her level managing to talk her out of her tantrum before it escalated into something much more.

         “We’re going to go home and see Granny, but we’ll stop and see Miss Judy on the way home.” Justin grabbed Ayden’s hand and smiled at me, “Ready?”

         I nodded my head and followed them out of they playground, “Miss Judy?”

         Justin nodded his head, “Miss Judy. She’ll like Sari, huh Ayden?”

         “Yeah!” Ayden giggled as she held her other hand out for me to hold, “Miss Judy will like you a lot cause she like me a lot and I like you a lot too!”

         “Listen to my girl with her transitive theories, watch out Aristotle!”

         “Aristotle’s that guy on Blue’s Clues, right Daddy?”

         “Yup, you got it kid,” Justin answered with a chuckle.  At some point, maybe, I’ll get used to him being a good father. Until then I’ll just stand here in awe like an idiot.

         We walked into a small corner store that looked like something out of a Mark Twain book. There was a big porch with two old men sitting on rocking chairs talking about the weather. I feel like I’m in a country music video. Justin didn’t even get completely inside the store before a lady screamed. I thought Justin liked it here because no one made a big deal with him, she seems to be pretty impressed by him, that’s for sure.

         “Justin Randall, is that you? I need to check my glasses here, I didn’t think you’d be comin! I hear you’ve been in town for a few days and it ain’t like you to stay away from here for so long. Where’s that little pumpkin of yours?” she continued talking without giving Justin, or anyone else for that matter, a chance to respond. “I was talkin’ to your Mama the other day, she said you’d be comin’ by. I’m so glad ya did, how you doin’ sugar?” She has the biggest southern accent I’ve ever heard; I’m having a hard time understanding her.

         “I’m doing good, how are you doing Miss Judy?” Justin asked, his southern accent coming out more than I’ve ever heard it. It must be contagious.

         “I’m doin just fine,” she said as Justin hugged her tightly, “Where’s your little princess?”

         “Hi Miss Judy! Memba me? I’m Ayden!”

         “Do I remember you? Oh come on now Ayden, it ain’t been that long.” Miss Judy laughed and picked up Ayden, placing her on a stool by the counter. “How you been sugar plum?”

         “I got big, huh? I’m a big girl now!”

         “You sure are. You got so big. I knew your Daddy since he was a little kid, even smaller than you. He’d come in here every day and get the same thing, a sweet tea and a snickerdoodle. He never brought any money though, but he had those big blue eyes and that big bright smile we couldn’t ever turn him away.” she smiled and looked at me, noticing me for the first time, “and who is your friend?”

         “This is Sari!” Ayden answered with a huge smile, “She’s my favorite! She’s my favorite so I said she’s gonna be your favorite too! Huh Miss Judy?”

         “Nice to meet you,” I answered quietly as I walked to the stool next to Justin.

         “It’s a pleasure darlin’” she pulled me into a tight hug before going back to the other side of the counter. Justin laughed a little and gave me a look, I need to get used to this southern hospitality and all the hugs.

         “I told her we had to stop here and get some of Miss Judy’s sweet tea.”

         “I’ve never had sweet tea before,” I answered honestly, “Well I mean besides Nestea or something.”

         “Nestea?” Miss Judy just about shouted, “Where did you find this girl? Nestea ain’t sweet tea, it ain’t even tea, it’s junk. I don’t want you drinking that junk anymore, do you hear? This, my darling, is tea.”

         “Sorry,” I answered softly while Justin and Ayden laughed. I feel like a complete idiot here, I should have studied up on my southern stuff before leaving. I took a sip of the sweat tea, or more like the nectar of the gods. My goodness this is possibly the best drink I’ve ever had. No, scratch that, this is definitely the best drink I’ve ever had. “This is amazing.”

         “You’re darn right it’s amazing, you remember that. No more of that fake tea crap darlin’.”

         Miss Judy sent us back to Justin’s mother’s house with two gallons of her sweet tea and made us promise that we’d come back again before we left. She also promised me that she’d send some back for me so I never have to drink that fake tea again.

         When we got back to the house Justin’s mother still wasn’t home. We were so tired that we crashed on the couch and Justin put on some Dora the Explorer to keep Ayden occupied, since she’s the only one in the world that seems to never get tired. When Dora told her to get up and dance, Ayden jumped up quickly, following exactly what the cartoon told her to do.

         Justin stood up and joined in, dancing around with his daughter being a little sillier than he was supposed to be. Ayden would not have it. She placed her hands on his stomach and pushed him back to the couch. “Stop Daddy! You’re ruining it!”

         “How am I ruining it? I’m just doing exactly what Dora says.” Justin asked with a chuckle, throwing his hands up.

         “Cause she’s not telling you to do it, she’s telling ME to do it! You can’t do it Daddy, you don’t know how to dance!”

         I laughed at her comment while Justin gave me a look, “Ayden, you’re Daddy is a very good dancer.”

         “Not like this kinda dancing though! I promise he can’t do it right cause he’s too silly.”

         “I am not too silly, I’m being very serious.”

         “Not uh!” Ayden yelled, clinching her teeth together and pushing Justin down again before he could even get up. “You’re doing it wrong! Daddy sit! And Stay!”

         “What am I a dog now?” he laughed.

         Ayden tapped her finger on her chin before speaking, “Daddy, can I get a dog?”

         “No. You’re a master at changing the subject Ayden. Go dance before Dora stops.”

         “Come on Sari, I want you to dance with me.”

         “You do, huh? Sure” I answered with a smile, looking at Justin as I stood up. Yes, I am throwing it in his face.

         Justin shook his head as he sat back on the couch while I grabbed onto Ayden’s hand and followed Dora’s instructions to help save her little friend whose name I don’t know. I don’t usually watch these shows with Ayden; I’m usually busy cleaning or cooking and put this on to keep her out of my hair for a little. There’s a big difference between the way everything’s been going on recently and the way it was a few months ago. Ayden seems like she’s grown up so much. She’s still tiny, although she has grown a lot, but I mean she’s matured a lot more. I really missed her so much and I can’t even begin to explain how good it is to have her back.

         “Can we let Daddy join in just a little?” I asked Ayden after looking over at Justin. He honestly looks pissed off. “Dora needs all the help she can get.”

         “OK, fine. Come on Daddy! You gotta help Dora find Boots!”

         Justin smiled and stood up, following the instructions carefully doing his best not to be too silly. It’s difficulty not to be silly when we are two adults bouncing around the living room doing what a little cartoon character is telling us to do. But Ayden’s the one in charge here, and we’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy.

         When Justin’s mother came home awhile later Ayden ran and followed her into the kitchen.  I followed Justin outside to help him bring in the trunk full of groceries she bought on the way home. “So my mom is going to watch Ayden tonight so we can do something,” Justin said as he handed me a few bags.

         “So we can do something? Like what?”

         “Something,” he repeated giving me that half smile he’s been giving me a lot lately, “Don’t go trying to ruin the surprise Sari, just go with it.”

         “OK,” I answered softly trying to figure it out. A surprise? What kind of a surprise would Justin have for me? Why would he have a surprise?

         “You’re overthinking it again,” he answered with a chuckle.

         “Sorry. What time?”

         “We have to leave by four.”

         “Four? That’s not really tonight.” Four is more like afternoon, late afternoon but still afternoon. Definitely not night, that’s more like seven or eight.

         “Fine, late afternoon. Sorry for the confusion. Go get ready.”

         “Alright, let me get the rest of the bags first.”

         Justin placed his hands on my back, “Go get ready. I got the bags. Go dammit!”

         “Fine,” I laughed, “I’m going. But I could use a hint as to where we’re going so I know what I should be wearing.”

         He stopped and mimicked what Ayden had done earlier, tapping his chin with his finger, “It’s fancier than a tractor pull but not as fancy as prom.”

         “Gee, thanks for narrowing it down.” I answered with a giggle, and now I’m back to the embarrassing giggling.

         “Anytime Sari, anytime.”

         I stood in front of the mirror looking myself over carefully. I don’t know what to wear so I settled on a pair of dark blue jeans and a red tank top under a black sweater. I didn’t exactly bring anything fancy and since Justin isn’t giving me any hints as to where we’re going this will have to do. I am nervous, more so than I should be, but this is kind of like a date and we’ve never gone on a date before. Instead of over thinking everything like I always do I’m going to try and just go with it. Overthinking is what makes me so nervous and awkward in the first place.

         When I walked downstairs I saw Justin sitting on the couch with Ayden on his lap reading her a book. His mother was cleaning in the kitchen; she’s one of those moms that is always busy doing something. “Don’t you look nice,” she smiled as I made my way into the kitchen.

         “Thank you. Do you know where we’re going?” I figure I’ll try his mother, someone’s gotta spill.

         “Give it up Sari!” Justin yelled from the other room.

         I laughed as Ayden came running into the kitchen and climbed up on the chair, “Granny’s taking me to see the piggy! We’re gonna go pet a piggy and a cow and a… and a horse! Huh Granny?” Ayden asked as he wrapped her arms around my neck and climbed on top of me.

         “That’ll be fun. Do you think you’ll see any polar bears?”

         “Nooo,” she giggled, “No polar bears in Tennessee silly. Only in California at the zoo. Memba when we saw them? And the teddy bears and the gummy bears. Ooooh Granny, can we get some gummy bears too?”

         “You don’t need gummy bears, she doesn’t need gummy bears Ma,” Justin told his mother; I don’t know why he bothers because she will give Ayden anything she wants.  He’s not the only one that spoils her rotten. “Ready Sari?” I nodded my head and gave Ayden a hug before Justin grabbed her from me so he could say goodbye. “Be good for Granny, don’t start any trouble.”

         “Daddy I’m always good for Granny.”

         “Yeah yeah yeah,” Justin laughed, “Bye Ma, thanks.”

         “You kids have fun.”

         I followed Justin to the car, he’s wearing a pair of jeans and a light blue polo shirt. I guess I’m dressed ok, here I go over thinking again.  “So… where are we going?”

         Justin laughed and threw his head back instead of answering my question. I don’t understand why everything is so secretive, “What is your problem with surprises? We got… four stops. Try to control yourself.”

         “I can control myself, I’m not a child.” He gave me that half smile he has as he pulled into the parking lot of a medical building. “Um… stop number one?”

         “Stop number one.” Justin nodded his head and smiled before getting out of the car.

         “What are we doing here?”

         “You think I’m dirty,” he answered simply, “Now’s the time I’m going to prove to you I’m not. And you’re going to prove to me you’re not.”

         “Do you really think I’m dirty?” honestly, I’ve worked with this guy for how many years and I’ve been with just about no one the whole time.

         “Nah,” he answered with a quick laugh, “I don’t think you’re dirty. But if I have to get poked and prodded so do you.”

         “You’re absolutely ridiculous,” I laughed, “For the record, I never said you had to.”

         “Uh… that’s not what you said the other day,” Justin laughed before wrapping his arm around my waist, “If you’re too scared…”

         “Shut up, I am not scared. I swear you do this shit just to annoy me.”

         “Nah… that’s only part of it. It’s not just to annoy you, it’s a bonus.” He thinks he’s so funny, “Wait for it… wait for it. THERE it is. The eye roll! I was getting worried you weren’t going to do it. It’s like the one constant thing in my life.”

         “You are so obnoxious. You know that, right?” he nodded his head as a response and I just laughed, “As long as you know.”

         “Oh I know.”

         “I can’t believe you took me to the doctors.” I hate the doctors, absolutely hate them. I get nervous bringing Ayden. There’s something seriously wrong with me, but I’ve never been good at doctors. They make me nervous. I know deep down there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I just feel like I shouldn’t have things put where they put things. It’s not natural.

         “Oh come on,” Justin threw his head back as he laughed, “It’s just stop number one. We got three more to look forward to.”

         “Yeah, starting with a bang. What’s the next stop? Are you going to take me to get a root canal?”

         “You’re scared! You’re a little baby! That tough chick shit is all an act, isn’t it? You’re fucking scared of the doctors!”

         “I am not scared of the doctors!” I elbowed him in the ribs and managed to get his arm away from me, “It’s just kind of a fucked up place to take a girl on a date.”

         He held his hands up in defeat, “Now you’re putting words in my mouth. I never said anything about a date. I said my mom was going to watch Ayden so we could do something. If your mind went straight to date that’s your problem. That has nothing to do with me, sweetheart.” Shit. He’s right. He definitely did not say anything about this being a date and here I am, once again, over thinking everything. Now I look like an idiot, and since he lives to annoy me he’s not going to let me ever live it down. “Look Sari,” he continued softly, standing in front of me and wrapping his arms around my waist, “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. So if you don’t want to do it, if you’re scared, all you have to do is tell me and we’ll leave.” He stopped for a second and licked his lips before that cocky smile found it’s way to his face, “Just admit that you’re scared and we’ll leave.”

         “I am not scared.” I looked straight in his eyes; giving him my most serious look possible. Sure, I may be scared… a little… but there’s no way in hell I’m going to admit it to him, especially when he’s acting like he’s got me all figured out. I’d rather sit through all the poking and prodding than admit that he’s right. Fine, I’m stubborn.

         “Then let’s do it.” He answered back as he moved away from me and grabbed onto my hand before leading me into the office. I really want to kill him, I really should kill him. No one would know. Ugh, I hate that he’s someone that everyone would notice if he were to just disappear. Not that I’d kill him, but seriously he just needs to be locked up somewhere for a little while so he could leave me alone.

         When we walked into the office the nurse met us right away and led us to two different rooms. “Good luck Sari, make me proud.” Justin winked as we went into rooms right next to each other.

         “You really are so obnoxious.”

         “You love it,” he smiled before waving at me and heading into his room.

         I took a deep breath and sat down while the nurse closed the door behind me. She can tell I’m nervous and honestly I don’t really care if she knows as long as Justin doesn’t. “OK, so I haven’t had sex in a very long time so I’m not really at high risk for anything. So like, the least intrusive tests are really all I need.”

         “Of course. Why don’t you go ahead and take off your clothes and put the robe on. The doctor will be in in a minute.”

         I did as I was told after the nurse left me and took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I know there’s nothing to be nervous about, but I just don’t do well in these situations. It took me a long time to be comfortable with my own doctor. I’m still not completely comfortable, but at least I’m able to go when I need to. I have serious anxiety issues with doctors.

         I took a deep breath as I sat back on the cot trying to work on some deep breathing meditation tricks. There’s really no need for me to be here, and I never even said Justin had to. I trust him, for the most part. No, I do totally trust him with something like this. There was some tapping on the side of the wall where Justin’s room was so I tapped back. He continued tapping different rhythms and I copied them. He really does make me feel like I’m a kid again. I’m not sure yet if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

         The door opened and I jumped like I was in elementary school and just got caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing.  The doctor came in and explained what she was going to do. I really wish she didn’t explain it to me; I’d much rather her just do it. I placed my feet in the stirrups and she disappeared. I need to take deep breaths and try to calm myself down. This is a normal occurrence. It’s nothing bad; people go through this every day. Chill Sari, chill.

         I felt like I fell asleep and I just woke up. The doctor was standing over me nervously, but I felt like I should apologize for falling asleep. “Are you alright Sari? Are you ok?”

         “Yeah, I’m sorry.” I answered softly, ok I feel a little warm and dizzy too.

         Turns out, I passed out. It was only for like a second but I guess it still counts. I feel fine but they seem to think this is kind of a big deal. They won’t let me get changed yet and they’re putting all this stuff on me to check my heartbeat and all that jazz. This is wonderful. Once they realized I wasn’t dying they took everything off but made me lay down.

         The door opened and in walked Justin. Dammit. “You’re not allowed in here, thank you.”

         “Oh, stop” he said as he sat down in the chair and rolled close to me, “Are you alright?”

         “I’m fine I just… pass out sometimes.”

         “You just pass out sometimes?” he asked with a chuckle, “You don’t think that’s something you should warn people about?”

         “No,” I laughed, “I’m fine. Can we leave now?”

         “Noo, we can’t leave now,” he mimicked, “Roll reversal here, I’m not used to having to take care of you. I don’t know how I fell about it.”

         “You’re not taking care of me,” I laughed again, “I’m fine, this is stupid. Let me get up.”

         “Stay down, we can’t have you fucking pass out again. We’ll be here all night and we still have three more stops.” He’s enjoying this way too much, although I wouldn’t expect anything different.  “So you just faint sometimes? Like those fainting goats?”

         I mimicked his stupid laugh and rolled my eyes, “I just don’t like doctors and I don’t like… things being stuffed up there.”

         Justin laughed at that, full out threw his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “Well now, obviously you like some stuff going up there or we wouldn’t be here in the first place.”

         “That is SO uncalled for and obnoxious and just plain old…”

         “Ohhhh come on,” he broke in and grabbed onto my hand, “I’m joking. You had me worried kid; I need to use humor, that’s how I deal. Are you alright?”

         “Yes, I’m fine. I just want to leave. Can’t you go work your magic and tell them I’m fine?”

         “Yeah, I’d rather wait a little longer though.” I’m definitely surprised at the way he’s acting, almost as a normal human being that is actually worried about me. He’s almost being sweet. I know he’s been amazing with Ayden, but this is like a whole new level of the new Justin. “What if you do it again and I’m not there to catch you?” he laughed at his joke, “I don’t want you to go cracking your head open when you hit the pavement. It’d be dangerous.”

         “You just ruin everything,” I laughed, “It’s like you’re so close to being a normal human being and then you just keep talking and talking and dig yourself deeper and deeper and ruin it all. You really need to learn when to shut up and let it go.”

         Justin laughed again and grabbed onto my hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing it gently, “You’re so hard on me. I’m trying.”

         “Yeah, you’re trying.”

         He is trying; it’s kind of cute. But the truth is I kind of like this weird messed up relationship we’re starting to have. It would be boring any other way. I know he has fun annoying me, but I have fun to so it all works out.

         “Are you doing alright? You’re not going to faint again are you?” Justin held his hands out as if I was about to fall and he could catch me as we walked back to his car.

         “You’re hilarious. I’m fine, shut up.”

         “I don’t want you to fall again. Do you know when it’s going to happen? Can you give me a sign or something?”

         I can’t do anything but laugh, I want to hurt him but instead I’ll just laugh. “Yeah, I’ll give you a sign. You’re never going to let me live this down are you?”

         “Of course not. What do you take me for?” he answered with a chuckle before opening the passenger’s side of the door for me, “Come on now, careful.”

         I shook my head as I watched him laughing as he made his way around to the driver’s side. Of course I’m embarrassed, I did just completely pass out at the doctor’s office, but at least it was only in front of Justin.  I can’t believe I’m actually thinking that.  He’s the one person in the world that will bring it up every five minutes. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to get over it.

         “Still with me?” he asked with one last chuckle before starting the car.  He placed his hand on my knee, “I really was worried.”

         “I know, I’m sorry. I’m ok. Where’s our next stop?” I tried to change the subject. Justin said we have four stops and we’ve only been to one. There can’t be anything else worse than the first stop so hopefully it’s all fun from here.

         “You really can’t deal with surprises huh? Relax Sari, we’re almost there.”

         I took a deep breath and looked out the window for some kind of clue. For a second I forgot we’re in Tennessee and I don’t have any clue where we are. It’s not that I don’t like surprises; I just like knowing what’s going on. I’m used to being in control, I’m usually the one making the plans. This role reversal is hard to get used to.

         Justin pulled into the parking lot of an old store that looks like a log cabin. I do love the atmosphere here; everything is so old and cute. Although I would appreciate it more if I knew what I was doing here. “Stop two?”

         “Stop two,” Justin nodded his head and smiled, “Wait.” He ordered before jogging by to open the door for me. Who is this guy? “I don’t want you falling.” There he is. It’s like he’s acting sweet but he needs to say something to make it all a joke.

         “Is this a store?”

         “Yes Sari, it’s a store,” he chuckled, “When I was a kid my dad took me here to get my first pair of cowboy boots. I wanted them so bad. I was like… three years old, and I remember It.” there is no way he remembers that day when he was three years old. It’s not possible. “I know what you’re thinking cause you’re always so damn realistic but I swear I remember it. I’ve been getting my boots here ever since. I got Ayden a pair when she was three, my mom gets them here and my dad so… you’re next.”

         “I’ve never had cowboy boot before.”

         “Why does that not surprise me?” he asked as he grabbed onto my hand and led me inside, “We’ll get you a nice, comfy pair don’t worry.”

         “I’m not worried,” I said as I looked down at his feet and noticed the boots he was wearing for the first time, “I didn’t even know you had boots.”

         “Are you kidding? I’ve been wearing these suckers since we landed.”

         “You’re so full of shit,” I laughed.

         “I am not. Sit down,” he pointed to an old wooden chest and I did as I was told, “We got a newbie over here!” he shouted as if we were the only people in the store. OK, so we are the only people in the store but still.

         “Oh my, if it isn’t our very own Justin Timberlake. How are you doin’ darlin’? It’s so good to have you home,” an older woman said as she walked over and pulled him into a hug. “I’m so glad everything worked out for you. We were all prayin’ for you down here, that’s for sure.”

         “Yeah, thanks a lot,” Justin smiled. It’s so weird to be down here with him because he really is a different person. I guess this is the real him, I mean he’s been acting like this for a little while but it’s still going to take me awhile to get used to. I love how everyone knows him here but it’s for a completely different reason than why everyone knows him everywhere else in the world.

         “Where is that little angel of yours? You have to bring her in.”

         “Yeah, my mom’s watching her but we’ll come back. She’s growing out of her boots, she’s getting so big.”

         “Well sure, I bet she is.”

         “This is Sari, we need to get her a nice pair.”

         “Nice to meet you darlin’” I stood up to hug her because that seems to be what everyone does around here. “You know, I knew Justin when he was three years old. He came in here with his daddy and got a nice pair of boots and he’s been coming back ever since.”

         I looked at Justin and smiled, he gave me a look as if to say ‘I told you so’. I believed him, it’s not like I thought he was a huge liar.

         “What size are you darling?”

         “I’m about an eight.”

         “Alright, stay here I’ll go find you a pair,” she answered with a smile.

         “I tollld you I’ve been here since I was a kid,” Justin said as he sat down next to me.

         “I believed you! I said you’re full of shit that you’ve been wearing them since the plane landed. I do like yours, they’re cute. Very Keith Urban.”

         “Keith Urban? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. He ain’t no cowboy he’s from Australia.”

         “Australia has cowboys don’t they?”

         “No, they have crocodile hunters,” he answered with a chuckle, “He’s not real country music Sari, he’s not even born in the country.”

         “Now all of a sudden you’re country music?”

         He laughed and stood up, “I could be if I wanted to. I’m more of a cowboy than he is, that’s for damn sure. Stay here, I’ll go find you a pair.”

         I watched with a smile while Justin walked around the store looking for a pair of boots. There are just too many strange things happening during this trip. I almost feel like I’m living in a dream. Justin came back a few minutes later with a box of boots. He opened it up as if it were a ring box showing me a pair of bright pink cowboy boots.

         “Are you serious?” I’m definitely not a pink girl, I mean I’m not exactly a cowboy boots kind of girl either but I’m not about to wear these bright pink Barbie doll cowboy boots.

         “They’re the same as Ayden’s. Don’t you want to match?” he asked with a chuckle.

         “Not really, maybe if I was four I would love to match her but I’m not a little girl anymore,” I stood up, “Maybe I should look for my own…”

         “Oh sit down,” he pushed me back on the wooden chest, “I was joking. You’re not in control tonight, you need to get used to that. I got you a good pair,” he said as he sat down across from me and grabbed my leg, pulling my shoe off. “These are nice, they’re already worn in for you.”

         “You mean someone already owned them?”

         He laughed, I’m glad he finds everything I say so funny. “We call it vintage. They’re all vintage, are you just realizing that now? God girl, you must have hit your head hard when you passed out.”

         “You need to get over that, seriously.”

         “Well you’re asking stupid questions, come on now. I like these.”

         I looked at the boots on my feet, “I do too.”

         “Walk around,” he said as he grabbed onto my hands and pulled me up, “dance around.”

         He’s become such a huge dork. “I am not going to dance around. They feel fine.”

         Justin through his head back and took a deep breath, “Dance around, Sari. That’s the only way to see if they fit right. I’ll even dance with you, come on.”

         I laughed when he grabbed on to my hands again and danced down the aisle like he’s Elvis. It occurred to me that he wouldn’t stop until I joined so I did my best. I’ll be the first to admit that I am definitely not a dancer, I know I look like I’m having a seizure when I dance but there’s no escaping it. I know he’ll make fun of me if I do dance and if I don’t he’ll call me a party pooper. There’s no escaping it. I’m learning to pick my battles and realize when to just give in with him.

         “There you go,” Justin laughed, “You’re getting there. We’ll work on it. So these are the ones? You found a keeper?”

         I smiled and nodded my head, I kind of like them. It’s weird that I’m buying a pair of cowboy boots. I didn’t think this day would ever come, but they’re comfortable and look really cute with my jeans.

         After Justin paid I grabbed my old shoes and followed him out of the store. He grabbed onto my hand as we walked to the car, I really could get used to this.  “How’d this stop rate?”

         “Definitely better than the first.”

         “Good. I told you they’re going to keep getting better.”

         “Oh, I didn’t know they were getting better. What’s next?”

         “I’m going to call to check on Ayden quick, that’s what’s next. Then we’re going somewhere else, somewhere I’m not telling you. Maybe by the last stop you’ll get the idea of the day and stop asking,” he answered with that sexy half smile he has. I hate that smile because he looks so damn hot when he looks like that. A year ago, I hated that smile because it always meant he was up to something that would give me more work to do. It’s so weird how much things can change.

         I sat back and listened as he called his mother to make sure Ayden was behaving herself. She put Ayden on the phone and just listening to his side of the conversation makes me want to melt. He’s really done a complete 360.

         “Alright, sorry about that,” he said after hanging up his phone and starting the engine.

         “Don’t be sorry. Is everything alright?”

         “Oh yeah, she’s having fun. My mom gave her some candy so she’s going to be on a sugar high all night.”

         “Does that surprise you? Your mother spoils her more than you do.”

         “I do not spoil her,” Justin said seriously. He can’t possibly think he doesn’t spoil her. She could ask him for a pony and he’d start building a barn in a matter of seconds.

         “You can’t be serious. You spoil her so bad.”

         “I do not. You spoil her.”

         “Not uh! I don’t give her every single thing she’s asking. Sure, I want to make her happy but if she doesn’t deserve something I don’t give it to her.”

         “Uh huh. Like the time she threw her pop tart and me and I took it away and you snuck her a new one?”

         “She was hungry.”

         “Yeah, of course. If she wants to go swimming you take her swimming, if she wants a tea party she gets a tea party, complete with fresh cookies.”

         I laughed and shook my head. Sure, I guess maybe I spoil her a little when it comes to that stuff but it’s not like I buy her a bunch of stuff. “She’s too cute to say no to.”

         “Yeah, I know.” Justin laughed, “It’s dangerous. She’s going to be trouble when she’s older. I don’t know how we’re going to handle that.”

         We’re?  What does that mean exactly? We’re like because I’m still going to be working for him in ten years? Or we’re like because there’s actually going to be a we or an us.

         “Oh shit, what’d I say?” Justin asked with a quick chuckle, “You’re over thinking something. I can tell by that look in your eyes. I’m getting really good at reading you Sari, it’s so easy. You’re so predictable.”

         “I am not predictable. I’m not thinking of anything. I just think that you spoil her, and sure maybe I do a little, but you spoil her way more.”

         “Alright,” he shook his head, “Whatever you say Sari, we’ll play it like that. Miss Judy said Ayden looks just like you. She said you could be her mother. I told her you are pretty much… her mother.”

         I smiled as he finished softly. I always felt like I was kind of her mother but it feels real good to have Justin say it. That means a lot. “Whenever I used to take her out everyone thought I was her mother. I just went along with it most of the time.”

         “Yeah, I bet you did. Shit, I miss her.”

         “Me too,” I admitted.

         “How fucked up is that? We’ve been away for a little over an hour.” Justin answered with a chuckle, “I don’t know, ever since we got her back I want to spend every second with her. It’s almost like I feel like if I let her out of my sight something will happen and she’ll disappear again.”

         “She’s not going anywhere,” I assured him.

         “I know. It’s just weird.”

         I nodded my head, it is weird. I kind of feel like something could happen again even though I know in reality it won’t. It’s just scary to think that she was gone for so long and now we’re going to be paranoid that something is going to happen again. “We could go back,” I suggested.

         “No…”

         “I don’t mind taking a rain check on part three. I mean, if we can. It’s completely up to you but I don’t mind going back.”

         Justin looked at his watch and took a few seconds to think about it. “Alright, how about we just go back to tuck her in and then we’ll go to part three. It won’t take that long, we’ve got time.”

         “That sounds perfect.”

         “Sure does.”

         There are so many things going on right now that really make me question everything and feel like I’m living a completely different than that I was living even only a month ago. First of all, I’m in Tennessee, not even Tennessee, in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. I’m in a car with Justin laughing and actually enjoying myself, more so than I can even explain.  We just left his mother’s house, where we returned halfway through our date because we both missed her and wanted to read her a story and tuck her in before she went to bed. Oh yeah, and we’re on a date.

         This is the man I wanted to kill as recent as a month ago, the man who has treated me like a slave for the past three years of my life.  All right, probably more like the past two years of my life. He used to be like this. When I first started, when he first got Ayden, he was like this. Normal, funny, goofy, just the guy next door that happens to be a world famous celebrity. Obviously, something happened with that. He got caught up in all the shit and an evil took over his body for two years but he’s back, he’s back and better than ever.

         “What?” Justin’s voice woke me from my thoughts.

         “What?”

         “Nothing. You’re just quiet.”

         “Why can’t I be quiet?”

         “You can be quiet. But, I mean, we were in the middle of a conversation and you just stopped talking,” he laughed as he pulled into a parking lot.

         “Sorry,” I laughed, “I’m just thinking.”

         “You’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” he turned the car off and looked at me, “Good thinking or bad thinking?”

         “Good thinking, or I mean… just thinking.” I’m really not so good at hiding the fact that I’m finding this new Justin to be absolutely amazing. I need to be better at holding that in, but it doesn’t seem possible.

         “Alright,” he chuckled and threw his head down, “Ready? Next stop.”

         “Ready,” I looked up for the first time to see we were parked in front of a tiny old country house type thing, “You brought me to a shack?”

         “A shack?” he shouted with a chuckle, “This may look like a shack but the truth is it’s the best barbeque in the world. And I know what you’re thinking, Miss Realistic, but I’ve been all over the world and I’m telling you, it’s the best.”

         “I didn’t say anything.”

         “You don’t have to say anything. You’re thinking it, and don’t say you’re not because that’s all you’ve been doing is thinking,” he laughed and held the door open for me. “Real barbeque, none of that California shit.”

         He led me to a small table in the corner; one of the small tables, there’s like four tables in this whole shack. It is a shack; I don’t care what he says. It looks like something from a Food Network show about the smallest places in the world. I don’t doubt it’s good, I’m sure it is but jeez, it’s like maximum ten people capacity.

         “So, best barbeque ever?” Justin asked after we finished dinner.

         “Yes actually, I think that is the best barbeque in the world.”

         “That’s right,” he chuckled. “Last stop, are you ready for it?” I nodded my head as we walked outside, “We’re going to walk, it’s right down the street. Are you alright to walk, you’re not going to faint on me, are you?”

         I rolled my eyes, “I’m fine, thanks.” I was absolutely crazy to think that just because he hasn’t mentioned my fainting episode in the past 2 hours that he’d forgotten about it all together.

         “You’re getting all mad, I’m just making sure,” he laughed and grabbed onto my hand, “So seriously, good date so far? I’ve done good?”

         “I thought it wasn’t a date.”

         “It’s not a date.”

         “You just said, good DATE so far,” I repeated with a smirk. He’s the one that got all defensive when I said it was a date before, so I’m glad he’s calling it one now. I would not be doing our weird relationship justice if I were going to just let that slip by.

         He chuckled and threw his head down, “You’re killing me here, Sari. All right fine, it’s a date… it’s a date. Good date or no?”

         “Besides the whole first stop, I’d say so far so good.”

         “Good. Cause you’re going to hate this last stop,” he thinks he’s funny. He always thinks he’s funny and that used to piss me off and annoy me to no end. But now I think it’s kind of adorable. Ugh, I hate how he’s been making me feel recently.

         “I’m going to hate it?”

         “Oh yeah, hate.”

         “Then why are we going?”

         “Because I’m going to love it,” he chuckled again and swung my hand in his, “I need a good laugh.”

         “Why is it that every time you need a good laugh it’s at my expense?”

         “I don’t know, stop being so damn adorable and then I’ll stop.”

         What did he just say?

         “Oops,” he continued, “Over-thinking again. Yes, I said you’re adorable. Let me clear that up so you don’t go worrying about that all night and can actually enjoy yourself.”

         “I’m not,”

         “Of course not,” he broke in with another chuckle before I could finish. “Alright we’re here.”

         “We’re here?” I asked, looking at the barn type building we were standing in front of. “A barn?”

         “Yup. Shh, listen,” he whispered, “You hear that?”

         “Music?”

         “Yeah. Music. Any guesses?”

         “Are we going to a country music concert? Oh my gosh, is it Keith Urban?!?”

         “Would you shut up about Keith Urban? He’s Australian, he doesn’t even know what the fuck the real country is.” It’s kind of cute how he gets so defensive when it comes to his country music, even though he doesn’t even sing country. I bet he’s going to do a country album someday; he has to. And he obviously has some issue with this Keith Urban thing, a little jealousy I’d say. “Not a concert.”

         “Karaoke? I hate Karaoke, oh my god, it’s karaoke isn’t it? I’m not going to do it, I won’t do it.”

         “Relax,” he laughed as he led me into the barn shaped club, “I wouldn’t put these nice people through the pain of hearing you sing. This is much better.”

         I stopped in the doorway, unable to move. He’s got to be kidding.

         “Come on, you’re causing a traffic jam,” Justin chuckled and pulled me inside the square dancing club.

         “I hope we’re just watching,” I know we’re not just watching, but it’s worth a try.

         “Sure,” Justin tried to contain his laughter, “Sure, we can watch for a minute, but you know damn well I’m not going to sit back and let these people show me up.”

         “I don’t mind you dancing, I can have a drink and watch.”

         “Obviously I need a partner, Sari.”

         “You really live to annoy me.”

         “Oh come on, it’s not that bad.” He grabbed my hand again and led me to the dance floor, more like pulled because I definitely didn’t go without giving up a fight. “It’s easy to pick up, just follow my lead.”

         “Right, but I’m not a dancer and I don’t enjoy dancing so…”

         “Look, you’re not country if you don’t learn how to do some square dancing.”

         “I’m completely fine with not being country.”

         He laughed again and put my arm in his, “Don’t say that too loud, you’re going to get shot. Just calm down, follow with me. See how they’re doing it in front of us? We just do that and walk around the circle, it’s not that hard.”

         It is actually. For most people, sure, I’m sure it’s quite easy. But for me, not at all, I can’t even walk straight, forget this shit.  “I’m not having fun.”

         “Come on, we just started,” he put his arm around my waist as we walked around in a circle, well I walked around in the circle, everyone else was doing some weird steps and Justin was trying to do the ones he could without my help, “Give it a try, huh? You’ll have fun, I promise. If you hate it after three songs we’ll leave. Deal?”

         “Fine, three songs.  But you have to tell me what to do.”

         “Of course. This is the easy kind, just walk like they are, you can do that Sari, come on now.”

         Sure, they’re walking with their legs all together and stuff. Gosh, this is more confusing than it should be.

         I heard Justin laugh and felt his arm tighter around my waist, “You’re so fucking cute when you’re all focusing like that. It’s easy, you’re getting it.’

         “Shh, don’t talk I need to concentrate.”

         “You’re doing good,” he smiled and moved his arm from my waist and put it over my shoulder, “Alright this one’s different, grab onto my hand.” I went for his hand that wasn’t over my shoulder but he laughed, “Nah, this one, see how they’re doing it?”

         I grabbed his hand and copied the people in front of me exactly, “Alright.”

         “Alright, you got it. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”

         I laughed and elbowed him in the side with my free hand, “Obviously.”

         “Yeah, obviously,” he laughed, “Give me your other hand.”

         We’re all like knotted up now, this is kind of awkward, “I like this one, it’s easy.”

         “Yeah, you just like holding my hands,” he smiled.

         “Oh shut up, I do not.”

         He laughed as I almost ran into the people in front of us when they decided to stop, ok fine, I guess everyone decided to stop and that’s what they were supposed to do, but no one told me about that. “Pay attention, you’re going to get us kicked out.”

         I laughed as I watched more carefully, “I didn’t know you did this.”

         “Of course I do, it’s in my blood. Every time I come home I do it. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Sari.”

         “Yeah, I guess so.”

         “Alright but seriously, people are kind of looking at me, cause they expect stuff from me and… not to be an ass, but you’re kind of making me look bad.”

         “That’s being an ass! I’m trying.”

         Justin laughed and walked me off the dance floor, “I’m kidding, calm down,” he wrapped his arms around my waist, “You’re good at this.”   

         “Shut up.”

         “I’m being completely serious. You’re not anywhere near as bad as I thought you’d be. I won’t have enough new material to make fun of you with like I had planned.”

         I laughed and placed my hands on his chest, trying to push him away but he just held onto me tighter, “That’s mean.”

         “We should have got you a cowboy hat, that would have sealed the deal.”

         “Sealed the deal?”

         “Yeah,” he smiled, “Sealed…. The…deal. Let’s go outside for a minute.” He moved his hand from my waist to my hand and led me out to the back, where there were some tables and Christmas lights around a patio.

         “It’s really pretty out here,” he nodded his head, “I’m having a lot of fun down here, I’m glad I came.”

         “I’m glad you came too.”

         “And I’m really glad you’re back to your normal self and you’re not a huge asshole anymore.”

         He laughed at that, “I’m glad you said I’m back to my normal self and not that I’m just acting weird now.”

         “No. I know you used to be a good person.”

         “Used to be?”

         “No, you are a good person now, like you used to be, it was just clouded.”

         “Yeah,” he laughed, “I learned my lesson, that’s for damn sure. I really am sorry about everything and…”

         “I know, Justin.”

         “Alright,” he pulled me close and kissed me gently, making my knees go weak. “Oh fuck Sari,” he pulled away and chuckled, “You’re doing all this crazy shit to me.”

         “I am not, what am I doing?”

         “More than you know, way more than you know.”

         It’s been a year, a whole year since Ayden has been home.  It’s so weird to look back now and remember everything that went on back then. I feel like that was a nightmare that never really happened. Things are so different now; it’s a completely different life.

         I love my job; in fact it doesn’t even feel like it’s my job anymore. I feel like I get paid to spend time with my boyfriend and his daughter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all fun, I still do work. I still have to keep Justin’s schedule and make him do things he doesn’t want to do, but it’s nowhere as hard anymore. He doesn’t give me nearly as much attitude and has really straightened his stuff out.

         I sat on the bed, watching Justin throw his clothes into the suitcase sitting next to me, “Stop looking at me like that.”

         “Like what? I’m not even looking at you.”

         He laughed as he grabbed a shirt from the drawer, “Like I’m the worst human being in the world cause I’m going away for a couple days.”

         “I just don’t understand why you have to go to New York.”

         “Because I have to do stuff for the clothing line.”

         “I know, but why didn’t we know about this until now?”

         “Last minute stuff, Sari. You know this shit happens all the time. Call Trace if you don’t believe me.”

         “I believe you,” I said as Ayden came in and jumped on the bed, “I just wish we could come.”

         “I wanna come, Daddy!” Ayden shouted while jumping on the bed.

         “You have school,” Justin answered catching Ayden mid jump, “Don’t jump on the bed. You have Megan’s party too, you don’t want to miss that to stay in a hotel for four days.”

         “Wellll, if we can go to that big toy store,” Ayden began, causing both Justin and I to laugh.

         “No,” I answered, “We’ll have fun here without Daddy.  We’ll party.”

         “Yeah, we’ll party.”

         “Girls weekend.”

         Ayden giggled and sat behind me so she could play with my hair, “And we’re gonna make cookies too Daddy, and pizza, and dance.”

         “That’s right. Pizza, cookies and dancing” I thought I’d try to get the point across. I hate that I’ve become one of those crazy girls that can’t spend four days away from my, but seriously, both Ayden and I have gone everywhere with him over the past year.

         “Three of my favorite things,” Justin said as he zipped up his suitcase and placed it on the ground before falling onto the bed. “You know I’d love to stay here with you girls, but I gots to work.”

         “Will you bring me back one of those big gorillas from the toy store daddy? “

         “Ayden, you have more gorillas in your room than you have room.” Justin said with a chuckle as he pulled me closer.

         “No sir,” she jumped off the bed, “I cleaned a spot so he can fit. Come on, I wanna show you” Ayden grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room.

         “Come on, she wants to show youuuuu,” Justin whined as he grabbed my hand and dragged me along.

         “See Daddy, a big spot, he’ll fit just fine. I promise.”

         “I don’t think you need another gorilla Ayden, but I’ll see what I can find.”

         “Hello?” there was a knock on the door and we heard Trace from downstairs, “Anyone home?”

         “Uncle Trace!!!” Ayden screamed and pushed past both Justin and I to get out of the room.  Trace is Justin’s best friend, who conveniently seemed to be very busy those times when Justin was completely out of control. It’s alright though, everything worked out. It’s good to have him back around so often, Ayden loves him and he gives us a break every once in awhile.

`       “So, how pissed are you?” Justin asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

         “I’m not pissed. I’m just kind of annoyed. I know its work and you have to do it, I just wish we could come.”

         “I’ll make it up to you when I get back. I promise.”

         “OK,” I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder, “I’m going to miss you. We haven’t been away from each other for like… years.”

         Justin chuckled, “Yeah, you need to stop being so damn clingy.”

         “Shut up.”

         “I’ll call you when I get in… and before I go to bed… and when I wake up…. “

         “OK, make sure. Who’s the clingy one now?”

         “Still you.”

~*~*~*~

         Although the original plan was for Justin to be in New York until Tuesday, it wasn’t until Thursday morning that he came in through the door. He called, every few hours, just like he said he would and it’s not like I didn’t know he was going to have to stay a couple days longer, but it felt like the longest week of my life.

         I had just gotten home after dropping Ayden off at school and was cleaning the kitchen when I heard the front door open and ran out there.  “Whoa,” Justin laughed as he dropped his bags and held onto me, “Hey babe, I missed you.”

         I kissed his passionately before I answered. Obviously I missed him, more than I even thought I would. That says a lot too, because I really thought I’d miss him a lot. “I missed you so much.”

         “I see that,” he chuckled, “How was Ayden?”

         “Perfect.  As always. How was New York?”

         “Fine.”

         He’s acting weird. Very weird, weird even for Justin, which also says a lot. “Why are you acting weird?”

         “I’m not.” He laughed again and picked me up in his arms, “I just missed my girl. Let’s go to bed.”

         I giggled as he carried me upstairs, “Bed? It’s ten o’clock in the morning.”

         “Obviously not to sleep Sari, come on.” He chuckled and dropped me on the bed, pulling his shirt off and crawling on top of me. He kissed me quickly before pulling my shirt over my head and moving his lips to mine then slowly down my body before slowly sliding my sweatpants off. I tried to help him get them off; he’s so damn slow it’s like torture. Justin laughed, “Patience babe, patience.”

         I laid down on the bed, patiently, as he slid my pants off before quickly pulling his down and crawling on top of me.  He kissed my lips softly before entering me, “I missed you so fucking much.”

         “I missed you too,” I answered in a whisper as he grinded into me.  “I really missed you.”

         Justin laughed before kissing me and grinding harder as we both reached our points.  He laid down next to me and wrapped his arms around me, “Don’t get up and leave. Just stay here, let me hold you for a little while.”

         I giggled and turned around so I was facing him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

         “Never?”

         “Ever.” I laughed before kissing him once more, “You’re awful loving today.”

         “I can’t be loving?” he chuckled before closing his eyes for a few seconds and then opening them again, “Alright, I’m hungry. Lunch time, come on.” Justin grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed. “No pants day. It’s a national holiday. Falls on different days every year, the day I get back after being away for a couple days and Ayden’s at school.”

         “That’s a very selfish holiday.”

         “Yeah, it really only works for me… well for you too.” He laughed and put his hoodie over my head. I love his hoodie, it’s so big and comfy, and it smells just like him. I can’t believe he took it with him to New York.

         “What’s for lunch?”

         “I don’t know, what do we have?”

         “We have… everything. I went shopping,” I smiled and put my hands in the pocket of the hoodie, it’s cold, there’s something in here, “There’s something in the pocket.”

         “Hmm?”

         “There’s a box or something… why do you have a…” I pulled the blue heart shaped Tiffany’s box from the pocket and looked at it in my hand. “What is this?”

         “What is it?” Justin laughed nervously, “Open it up.”

         I opened it slowly and stared at the diamond ring, “Oh my god.”

         “Do I have to get down on my knee?”

         “Yeah,” I answered quickly.

         He chuckled and got down on one knee, “You know how much you mean to me, and to Ayden… and how screwed up I’d be if it weren’t for you. You really mean the world to me and I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if you weren’t in it. I love you, more than anything and more than I ever thought I could love somebody. So, let’s make if official. Sari, will you marry me?”

         “I never expected this. Oh my god.”

         “Not exactly the response I was looking for…”

         I laughed, “My father is never…”

         “Your father,” Justin broke in with a chuckle, “Is all for it. Where do you think I was this weekend? Not in New York, but with your Dad. That’s why it took me so long, I had a lot of convincing to do.”

         “You asked my dad?” I think I’m close to melting.

         “Of course. He said absolutely not and I need to leave his daughter alone. Then your

Mother, thankfully, came in and had a talk with him and made him listen to me.  Then he said absolutely not, once again. This went on for three days and then finally he gave in,” Justin laughed and grabbed a picture from his pocket.

         I grabbed it from his hands and saw my father smiling, holding the ring with one hand and giving a thumbs up in the other.  I laughed, “You’re amazing.”

         “Is that a yes? I’m still waiting Sari.”

         “What about Ayden?”

         “What about Ayden?”

         “Did you ask her?”

         “Did I ask her if she wants you to marry me?” he chuckled again, as I nodded my head, “Are you serious? What kind of a question is that? Of course she wants you to marry me.”

         “Can we ask her anyway?”

         “Alright,” he thinks I’m crazy but I really think Ayden should be involved in this. “So if Ayden says yes then you say yes?” I nodded my head, “Alright, I like my odds.”

         “Me too,” I giggled, “You really surprised me.”

         “Yeah, you surprised me too. I thought maybe you’d say yes.”

         “Shut up,” I laughed and grabbed the ring.

         “Nah, you can’t wear the ring until you say yes,” he smiled and grabbed the box from my hand and put it in his pocket. “Let’s go get Ayden.”

         “It’s too early.”

         “I don’t care, I miss my girl. We can pick her up early. Come on, put some damn pants on.” He threw my sweatpants at me.

         “What happened to No Pants Day?”

         “It’s been overshadowed by Wait for Sari to Say Yes Day.”

         I laughed and wrapped my arms around his waist, “We’ll just wait for what Ayden has to say.”

         “You’re killing me, I hope you realize that.”

         “I do,” I answered before kissing him gently, “It’s kinda cute.” I don’t know why he’s acting so nervous… what if Ayden doesn’t want us to get married? She had no problem whatsoever when we started dating, in fact I’m not even sure if she realized it completely. But she doesn’t know much about marriage. Sure, she loves me and loves hanging around with me but what if she doesn’t really want me to be her Daddy’s wife. That makes me like her mother.

         Justin waited in the car when I ran in the school to get Ayden. If he went in it would just cause a scene and we decided that’s not exactly what we need right now.  She ran out of school and into Justin’s arms as he waited by the car.

         “What’s up baby girl?”

         “Daddy!” Ayden screamed, “I missed you soo much! Where’s my gorilla? Did you get me a gorilla?”

         “Wow,” Justin chuckled,” You didn’t miss me at all, you just want a present.”

         “No, no Daddy I missed you! I just want my present too.”

         “Alright, come on then let’s get home.”

         Justin tried to ask Ayden as we drove home but I managed to stop him. It’s cute how he’s so excited and nervous about this. It’s quite the change for him to be the nervous one instead of me. I kind of like it.

         “So Ayden,” Justin began once we made it home, “How would you feel if Sari and me got married?”

         Ayden didn’t say anything at first and I felt my heart beating in my throat. She just looked between the two of us and then put her finger in her mouth like she does when she’s thinking. “Like… Sari would be my mommy?”

         “Kind of,” Justin answered.

         A second later she started screaming, literally screaming, then climbed out of her chair and started jumping up and down, “Yes! Can she? Yes! She’s my favorite Daddy! Can you Sari? Please? PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE! I’ll be so good and I don’t even need a gorilla! I want her to! Please Sari! You and Daddy get married! Please?”

         I had some sort of a mixture of laughing and crying while I watched her jumping around the room.  Justin laughed and grabbed the box from his pocket, “I think that’s a yes.’

         “I’d say so.”

         “So that’s a yes from you too, right?” I nodded my head, “You gotta say it Sari.”

         “Yes! Yes, I will marry you.”

         “Perfect,” Justin smiled as he put the ring on my finger, “Absolutely perfect.” He said before kissing me passionately as Ayden clapped and continued jumping around the room like a crazy person. “Alright, calm down Ayden.”

         “We gotta call Granny! I wanna call her! You guys is getting married!”