I sat in front of a mirror finishing my makeup and felt a steady throbbing like the beating of a drum in my chest. I have never been so scared in my life, and I’ve been through a lot of shit.  After taking a deep breath I stood up and fixed my fishnet stockings before taking one last look in the mirror. I look like a slut. What am I doing?

            “Don’t be so nervous, you look great,” Brandy, a dancer that’s been my mentor while I’m here gave me a hug, “They’re going to love you.”

            Instead of responding verbally I just nodded my head before running my hand through my hair to mess it up a little and followed her to the stage.  The music was so loud and the lights were so bright that I couldn’t even see the men sitting by the stage. I looked over at Brandy who was already dancing and figured I should be doing the same.

            They all said I just have to move with the music.  The guys don’t care what I do as long as I move my ass and touch myself. That sounds easy enough; I did take ballet for 10 years of my life. My mother would be so proud if she knew all her hard earned money she spent getting me ballet lessons were put to use by becoming a stripper. The good news is she’s dead so I don’t have to worry about her finding out. I don’t know why I just said the fact that my mother is dead is good news. It’s obviously not, I’m just confused the fuck out.

            I am standing here working the pole in front of fifty nasty ass men. I’ve never even been to a fucking strip club until I got this job three days ago and now I’m here dancing in lingerie complete with stripper shoes.  I’m not proud of myself, in fact I feel like a trashy slut but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do to make ends meet.

            Once my eyes got used to the lights I could see into the crowd and noticed that the guys were not as nasty as I thought. I just assumed they would be nasty based on the fact that they are at a strip club. Don’t get me wrong, I sure as hell will not be finding the man of my dreams here, but it could be worse. Brandy said it’s important to make eye contact and make each guy think that you’re dancing only for them.  That’s the secret to making the big bucks, or at least that’s what she says.

            The fact that grown men are literally throwing money at me does make me feel that it might be worthwhile to keep this up at least for a little while. I kneeled on the edge of the stage so a few of them could put the money in my lingerie. Before I knew it the song was over and I was backstage again.  I pulled the money out of my lingerie and counted it holy shit. I just made 68 dollars during a two-minute song. 

            If I’m not on stage I’m supposed to be giving lap dances or just talking to guys. Apparently you get paid to just sit and keep these guys company. Obviously you get paid a lot more for a lap dance so that’s what I’m going for.

            Overall the night went pretty well. It’s really not that bad. I mean, so far the guys have been pretty respectful and no one’s tried anything. I probably just jinxed it.

            “You’re wanted for a private,” one of the bouncers pulled me aside to tell me.

            “A private?”

            “Yeah, you go in a room alone with the guy and give him a dance. 100 for a half hour.” I nodded my head and was led to a small room. As I opened the door a cloud of smoke came out.  The whole room was full of smoke and it was dark, there were only a few candles lit.

            “Come on into the light darling, let me see you.”

            I walked closer to the candle so he could see me, and more importantly so I could see him.  My heart started beating in my throat again when I looked to see Justin Timberlake smoking a blunt looking me over. As he pulled it away from his lips he smirked, “Yeah, dance for me girl.”

            I danced for him, “Come closer,” he ordered. I did. “Work it girl, work it.” I sat on his lap, ran my hands through his hair and then down his chest before standing up and giving him a lap dance. “Suck my dick.”

            “What?” I stood up, that caught me by surprise. I know it’s my first day but I also am positive that I’m not supposed to be doing that.

            “You heard me, suck my dick,” he put his hands on my hips and pulled me back down to his lap, “I’ll give you a thousand dollars to suck my dick.”

            “A thousand dollars?” I asked out of disbelief.

            “Yeah bitch, a thousand dollars.”

            I bit at my bottom lip seriously contemplating the offer. I’m in quite the moral dilemma here. I’m technically not allowed to do it but a thousand dollars? A thousand dollars. Could be even possibly have a thousand dollars in his pocket? I bet he’s full of shit. “Let me see it,” he started to unzip his pants, “The money!”

            “Don’t insult me.”

            “Let me see it or you’re not getting it,” I can be an asshole too.

            He took a deep breath and pushed me off as he grabbed a wad of cash from his pocket, counting out ten hundred dollar bills and putting the rest back in his pocket, “Get on your knees,” he stood up, placing the money on the table and taking one last drag.

            I ran my hands down his chest and bent down as I unzipped his jeans letting them slide to the floor. I licked my lips and put my hands at the waist of his boxers before looking up at him, “Get on your fucking knees bitch and suck my dick!”

            If this were any other situation I would have been gone a long time ago, but for a thousand dollars he can call me whatever the fuck he wants to call me.

            I got on my knees and grabbed his dick in my hands rubbing it back and forth.

            “Show me your tits,” he reached to my back to unbutton my bra.

            “No,” I answered removing my hand from his cock and pushing it away from my back before standing up.

            “What do you mean no?”

            “I mean no.”

            “Five hundred more, let me see your tits.” I shook my head and he took a deep breath, biting at his bottom lip. I bit at my bottom lip and looked him directly in the eye making it impossible for him to walk away, “I’ll double it, show me your fucking tits.”

            Two thousand dollars to suck a dick and show him my tits. It’s not even like it’s a fucked up dick, it’s a nice one. Why is he even here? He does not need to pay for head.

            I grabbed his hand in mine and brought it back to my bra where he quickly unclasped it and got harder than he was before, if that was possible. “Yeah bitch.” I ran my left hand through my hair and grabbed on to my tit with the other.

            “Fuck girl,” he watched me carefully, “Get on your knees bitch, suck it.”

            I went back on my knees and took his dick in my mouth.  He moaned as I slid my tongue around him before I pulled my head away to play with the head of his dick. His fingers were running through my hair and he set the rhythm, controlling how fast I moved with his dick. “Yeah you fucking whore keep going.”

            I kept going, not so much because I wanted to but more because his hand was pushing my head back and forth, with his dick in and out of my mouth.  “You got it, fucking slut, you got it.”

            I felt a single tear fall down my cheek as he called me a slut and his dick was being forced in my mouth. I realized for the first time that he’s right. I am a slut. I am topless, on my knees sucking this guy’s dick while he calls me a bitch, slut and a whore.

            “I’m going to cum, swallow it skank.”

            His hand fell from my hair as he came in my mouth, I swallowed it and quickly pulled away from him, turning around so I could wipe my face and he wouldn’t see the tears.

            “What’s your name?” I grabbed my bra and pulled it on quickly, “Bitch, I’m talking to you.”

            “Chloe”

            “Chloe,” he repeated before throwing the money at me and leaving the room.

            I grabbed the money off the floor and went right to the back to change.  Most of the other girls were gone by the time I got back there so I quickly got changed into my sweats, grabbed my money and walked out front. 

            “All set?” one of the bouncers asked me with a smile. I nodded my head and he walked me to my car.  The good thing is that they don’t let the girls leave on their own. “How was your first night?”

            “Good,” I forced a smile.

            “Will you be back?”

            I nodded my head as I opened the door to my car, “I’ll see you later.”

            “Bye Chloe.”

            As soon as I got in my car I locked the doors and drove away quickly.  The second I left the parking lot I cried like I’ve never cried before. I thought the money would make me feel better but now I just feel like every single name that asshole called me is what I am. I can’t believe I did that.

            After I pulled into my parking lot I went to the apartment down the hall.  It was dark inside, the only light from the television. I grabbed my four-year-old son off the couch and kissed Kelly’s cheek that woke her up, “Thanks Kel,” I whispered.  She nodded her head before closing her eyes again, “Don’t you want to go in to bed?” She was already a sleep before she could answer.

            I walked down the hall to my apartment with Brady in my arms, holding on to him tightly. After managing to open the door I locked it quickly and put Brady right to bed. He is the reason why I’m doing what I’m doing. I kissed him on the forehead and went right to the bathroom to clean up and brush my teeth 8 times.

            I fell into bed and looked at the picture of my mother by the bedside. “Goodnight Mommy, I love you. I’m so sorry.” It took me a long time before I could all asleep. I spent a long time just looking at the picture of my mother and thinking about how she would feel if she knew what my life had come to. Then I cried myself to sleep. I can’t do this. 

The theme song to Sponge Bob woke me up about forty-five minutes after I actually fell asleep. The good news is that Brady is now old enough to get himself up and turn on the television. Now he just has to work on turning the volume down so we don’t wake up the whole building.

            I wiped the sleep from my eyes and walked out to the living room. He looked up at me and smiled before turning his attention back to the television. “Good Morning Brady.” I grabbed the remote from him and turned the volume down before sitting next to him and kissing his forehead, “Did you sleep ok?” he nodded his head, not taking his attention away from the television, “Were you good for Kelly?” he nodded his head again, “Did you have fun?” once again his head was nodding. Television drives me crazy; I do not like him to be watching so much television, that’s all he ever wants to do.  “Are you hungry?” he’s ignoring me, “Monkey!”

            He giggled at the nickname I’ve called him since as long as I can remember, “What Mommy?”

            “What do you want for breakfast?”

            “Pancakes!”

            “Pancakes!” I answered with the same amount of excitement he had before standing up and looking through the refrigerator. It’s empty, there’s a banana… eww.  I can’t even look at a banana without thinking of his dick last night. I almost forgot that it happened. I opened the freezer and saw popsicles; seriously it’s everywhere I look. “Want to go out for breakfast?”

            We stopped at the bank first because I get really nervous walking around with 2800 dollars in my bag. I still can’t believe I made that much in a night. If I made even just 2000 a week all year that’s like 104,000. Holy shit. When I got the receipt back from the teller I realized that I had literally $17.94 in my bank account before putting the money in. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can pay my rent and buy groceries and pay some bills.

            I didn’t go back to the club until a week later. They told me I could show up whenever I want to or whenever I need some money. Unfortunately 28 grand goes quickly when you’re already in debt. It was a hard decision for me to go back in general. But once again it all comes down to the money and being able to actually afford to live.

            “You’re back,” Brandy smiled as I walked in the back.

            I nodded my head, “Yeah, I’m back.”

            “Guys have been asking for you.”

            “Really?”

            “Yeah,” she laughed, “I told you they’d love you.  You’re going to be busy tonight.”

            I don’t know if that’s good or not. I guess it’s good I’ll get more money. Maybe I can just work a night a week. If I could make as much tonight as I made last week I really wouldn’t have to work more than a day a week. That would make my life a lot easier, especially with getting someone to watch Brady.

            After starting off onstage for a couple songs I made the rounds. Brandy was right, there were a lot of guys that seemed to want me to dance for them. I don’t know why, I’m clearly the least experienced out of everyone.  It might be because I’m so unstripperish maybe they like that.

            I was told I had another private and my heart stopped. I prayed it wasn’t Justin Timberlake because I don’t want to deal with that jackass again. I almost turned it down then remembered that no matter what I will be walking out with a hundred dollars so it’s worth it.

            When I walked in the first thing I noticed was the smoke and I had flashbacks to the week before. This time I know better and I’m not afraid to tell him to fuck off. I can make enough money without him; I don’t need to be treated like a slut.

            “Chloe.” I should not have told him my real name.  The way he says it goes right through me, “Chloe, come in the light.” I walked closer to him and he smiled before taking a drag, “I came the other night and you weren’t here.”

            “I don’t work every day.”

            He laughed, “You’re new at this huh?”

            “Why?”

            “You whores aren’t usually bitches when you’re trying to make some cash.”

            I probably rolled my eyes but I doubt he could see it in the dim light, “Do you want me to dance?”

            “No, I want you to fucking make me coffee bitch, what do you think?”

            I can’t let him get to me. I have to just dance and be done with it. The fact is I make more with him for a half an hour than I make the rest of the night, so I need to suck it up. Not literally, I’m not sucking this time.  I danced for him and he pulled me onto his lap, his hands slowly sliding from my back to my ass.

            “Don’t touch me.”

            He laughed, “Get on your fucking knees bitch.”

            “No.”

            He looked at me, a look of shock covering his face, “What?”

            “I said no, I’m not doing it again. I’m here to dance.”

            “You want to suck my dick. You want to take my cock in your mouth.”

            Does he really think telling me it like that will make me want it? “Uh… no I don’t actually.”

            “Look you fucking skank, get on your knees and suck my dick.”

            “No,” I stood up, “Do you want a dance or not?”

            He laughed again before taking another puff of his smoke, “That’s fine, I’ll go find another bitch to give my money to.” He pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and put it on the table next to his drink.

            I looked at the money and then back at him. I don’t know what I’m doing except that it is a lot of money. “What else can I do for it besides sucking your dick?”

            That smirk came over his face, “You got any friends?”

            I paced around the back of the club trying to decide what the fuck I was going to do. I hate that money is making me into this horrible person but I need to pay the bills. I need to take care of my son.

            “What’s going on babe?” I looked up to see Brandy, “Something wrong?”

            “No, why?” I answered that way too fast.

            “You’ve got a fucking track going on,” she laughed.

            “Ok, so my private…”

            “Justin Timberlake,” she broke in.

            “Yeah, ok. Complete asshole. Anyway, last time he gave me a lot to like… go down on him.” I’m like embarrassed to say it.

            “You know there’s cameras in the room right?”

            “What?”

            She giggled, “They don’t care about blow jobs but don’t do much more than that.”

            I nodded my head; I’m going to get fired from being stripper because I’m too slutty. That’s sick.

            “OK, continue. So he wants you to do it again?”

            “Well yeah. I’m not but then he showed me the money.”

            Brandy laughed again, “Then do it?”

            “I don’t want to. But he said he’d give me the money if I… brought a friend.”

            “I’ll do it,” she answered without missing a beat, “I’ll be your friend.”

            “What does that like… entail?”

            “You’re so naive it’s adorable,” she laughed, “Probably just kissing, some fondling, nothing too serious. Better than sucking his dick.”

            I nodded my head, “I’m not like… into that though.”

            She laughed, “You don’t have to be.”

            “Yeah, we’ll try it.”

            “If you don’t like it let me know and we’ll stop. We’ll take his fucking money and then we’ll stop,” she laughed.

            “Thanks Brandy.”

            “You’re welcome Chloe,” she grabbed my hand and led me back into the room.

            The smirk was on Justin’s face the second we walked in. He held up the money before putting it back on the table, “Let’s go.”

            I’m nervous and hot and sweaty and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I felt Brandy’s soft lips on mine before I could think anymore.  Her tongue slid into my mouth and her hands fell down my body.

            “Yeah,” Justin said softly, at least it sounded softly over how loud my fucking heart was beating.

            Brandy pulled away from me and gave me a look to see if I was ok. I nodded my head; it’s not that bad actually. She smiled and rubbed her hands down my body while she kissed my neck, “look at him,” she whispered.

            I looked at him and licked my lips and he looks like he’s going to explode already. I threw my head back and closed my eyes as Brandy licked up my neck and slid her hands to my ass. I dropped my hands to her ass. She giggled at my awkwardness and kissed my lips again.

            “Play with her tits,” Justin ordered from his seat and Brandy did what she was told. I let out a moan and then heard Justin, “Fuck, let me get in on that.”

            Brandy backed away and kissed under my ear, “Go give him a lap dance,” she whispered into my ear. I don’t know what I’d do if she weren’t here coaching me through this.

            I walked over to him and started giving him a lap dance when I felt Brandy behind me. She pushed her body against mine and moved with me. Justin just sat there looking like a complete idiot. I laughed for a second but then felt Brandy’s hands move to my boobs, cupping them in her hands. Justin swallowed hard and I moaned to make it look like I’m getting more into this than I am. I mean, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be but it’s not something I’m going to want to do every day.

            Brandy’s hand slid down my body and she placed her hand over my panties and now I’m officially getting hot. I moaned again, not purposely this time, and ok shit, I’m actually getting turned on.

            “Yeah, keep doing that,” I heard Justin and without any thought I was unzipping Justin’s pants and grabbing his cock in my hand.  I can’t even help myself, I don’t know what I’m doing but it feels so good. I grabbed Justin’s hand that was on my leg and brought it up to my mouth so I could suck on his fingers. I felt Brandy’s lips on the back of my neck, her left hand massaging my boob through my bra and her right hand rubbing between my legs while I’m giving Justin a hand job and sucking his fingers.

            I let out a moan as I felt myself about to explode and Justin screamed as he came all over my stomach. That was when reality hit and I stood up, grabbed the money on the table and left the room. It was at that moment that I realized I’m much more fucked up than I thought.

            “Get up, get up, getup, getup, getup” the more he spoke the less it was understandable. I opened my eyes to see Brady smiling at me.  He already knows how to use his smile to get his way, or at least he thinks it’ll get him out of trouble. I don’t think he realizes that it gets real old real fast.

            “Monkey, I think today should be lazy Sunday and we should chill and stay in bed all day.”

            “No,” he giggled before climbing in bed with me.

            “No? Please?” he shook his head and laughed, “Then what do you want to do today?”

            “Um… oh I know we could… no no no, I know, what if we… oh no no no I got it!” I couldn’t help but laugh at my son but he gets mad, “Why you laughin mommy?”

            “I’m sorry Monkey, you’re just so silly. What is your perfect idea?”

            “Let’s go see Nana.”

            My heart melts a little every time he suggests we go see my mother.  She died six months ago and it still makes me sick to my stomach to think about her. I was told that it’d get easier and I’ll make it fine but so far it’s not any easier. I miss her too much.  She really is the most amazing woman that ever lived. Or was… I’m still not into using the past tense with her.

            Brady and I are both kind of stranded in this fake universe where we think she’s just gone on vacation and she’ll be back.  That’s normal for a four year old, not so much for his 23-year-old mother.

            “Do you want to bring her flowers?” I asked softly, forcing myself to stay strong for my son. Even though I want to cry just at the thought of her I know I can’t. I’ve become really good at holding back the tears.

            “Yeah,” he answered with a smile, “and chocolate cherries, they her favorite.”

            I smiled and stood up quickly turning away from him just in case a tear did slide down my face, “Let’s get ready then.”

            Brady got dressed quickly and we managed to be on our way.  We stopped at the bank to drop off the money and I swear the tellers are starting to look at me like I’m crazy. I might have to start going to different branches a couple times so it’s not so weird that every Sunday morning I’m depositing more than 2 grand cash.  But there’s only a handful of branches that are actually open on Sundays and I really don’t feel safe keeping all that money on me until Monday.

            We stopped at the grocery store to get flowers and chocolate covered cherries and a couple bagels for the ride.  I always get nervous as I’m driving to the cemetery. I’m just not good with these things, I never have been. I always think I need to get off an exit before where my mother’s house was but that’s unfortunately not the case.  We lived there with her, hell it’s the only house Brady has ever known.  Now we’re living in this tiny two-bedroom apartment in Chinatown.

            As I pulled into the cemetery I felt my heart beating in my throat. I don’t know why it makes me so nervous to be here. I walked around the car to help Brady out; he grabbed the chocolate covered cherries and ran to her grave. I really wish he wouldn’t run but I can’t form words to tell him to slow down.

            I stood by the grave and watched my son carefully.  He gave the grave a hug and then kissed it, “Hi Nana!” he’s not sad, he’s excited. I guess that’s a good thing but I don’t know how he does it. “We brought you flowers and chocolate cherries!” he smiled and sat down cross-legged in front of the grave, “Guess what Nana? I’ma be five” he held up four fingers and then counted them before adding the fifth with a giggle, “Five! I’ma big boy. Mommy says that I can go anywhere I want for my birthday. Huh Mommy?”

            He turned towards me and I quickly wiped my eyes before smiling and nodding my head.

            “I think I’ma go to McDonalds and get a McFlurry.”

            I couldn’t help but laugh at that, I said we could go wherever he wants and he’s really going to pick McDonalds? We go there like every other week.

            “I want a bike and a fishing pole and a skateboard,” he continued, “But you don’t gotta get me anything Nana. I know you not coming back.”

            I sat down on the ground and pulled Brady on my lap, trying to control the tears were flowing down my face like a waterfall.

            “Mommy, you talk now.”

            I tried to talk but I couldn’t. Instead I just held onto my son tightly and prayed for the strength to get through this.

            “I miss you Mommy,” I answered softly, “I’m so sorry.”

            I know she’s watching down on me, I know she’s ALWAYS looking down on me. That makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the way she sees me now. I know she’s ashamed and she is embarrassed of me. I know she is not proud and if she were here she would gave a long talk with me.

            Brady looked back at me and gave me a hug. I love him so much. If I didn’t have him I know I’d be so screwed up right now. He’s saved me.

            *~*~*~*~*~*~

 

            The weeks passed quickly.  Every Saturday I went to the club. I was told I had a private and walked in to see Justin sitting there in the room full of smoke sipping his Jack and coke with a smug smile on his face.  Every Saturday we started with a lap dance and then moved on to more, depending on his mood. Sometimes it’d just be me dancing or touching myself, other times I’d give him a hand job or a blowjob. He never did tell me to bring a friend again. I offered once and he told me he didn’t want to share, whatever that means.

 Every week I came home with over two grand and then I didn’t have to go back until the next Saturday. Even though Justin treats me like I’m a whore he pays me enough that I don’t need to do it to anyone but him. I hate it, but it makes me feel better knowing I don’t have to touch more than one man like that.

            I came home early Sunday morning only to wake up three or four hours later to keep Brady occupied for the day. The week flew by. Brady went to preschool every morning from eight to eleven, which was my time to catch up on my sleep; although I usually spent it cleaning or grocery shopping or running other errands. Then three days a week I went to teach ballet to eight year olds. It’s a little ironic that I’m teaching eight year olds how to dance. If their parents knew what I did on Saturday night I think they’d have me in jail.

            The days always flew by and soon enough is was Brady’s birthday. “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Brady, Happy birthday to you!” I sat down on his bed as he sat up and blew out the candles on the cake I held in front of him. “Good morning birthday boy!”

            “Morning Mommy.”

            “Happy birthday! I can’t believe you’re not four anymore, you’re a big boy now.”

            Brady nodded his head and smile, “I’m five,” he held out five fingers.

I told Brady he could pick any restaurant he wanted for his birthday dinner, just the two of us.  Although I was convinced we’d be stuck at McDonalds, for some strange reason, he picked Koi. I tried telling him that he probably wouldn’t like the food but he likes the big Buddha in the front and has been asking me to go there since the first time we drove past it. I did say we could go wherever he wants to go. 

So now here we are, sitting at a small table trying to decipher the menu and find something he would eat. Brady looked around the restaurant in amazement, “It’s pretty cool huh?”

            “Mommy why is there a tree growing inside?”

            “It’s just a decoration.”

            “I gotta go pee.”

            “Um, ok yeah, let’s go,” I stood up and grabbed onto his hand, “Don’t let go ok? There’s a lot of people, I don’t want you getting lost.”

            We walked through the crowded restaurant towards the bathroom. As we passed through the bar area we squeezed past a group of guys. I looked up to see Justin and stopped in my tracks. He stopped what he was doing, his face mere inches from mine and we both did nothing but watch each other for a second.  I’ve never seen him out of the club and it’s weird to see him in another place. I can’t even imagine how weird it is for him to see me with my clothes on. He looked down at Brady, or how weird it is for him to see me with my son. He looked back and me and I kept moving quickly.

            “OK Brady, go ahead.” I stood outside of the stall as he went in and did his business. I can’t believe Justin is here, that just ruins the whole night.

            I could feel Justin’s eyes on us as we walked back to our table.  I wish he would stop watching me as I eat. Brady had fun, even though I felt extremely awkward. The waiters all came out and sang to him and he thought he was the coolest person in the room.

            After dinner we went home and I put Brady to sleep before Kelly came in the room to watch him while I went to work.

            ~*~*~*~*

            “So what are you a babysitter on the side?” Justin asked as I gave him a lap dance.

            “No.”

            “Is he your son?”

            “I’m not talking about that while I’m giving you a lap dance.”

            “Then stop,” he pulled me on his lap and put his arm around my waist, “He’s your son?” I nodded my head, “Where’s his father?”

            “Hopefully dead or in jail,” I answered honestly. I don’t know why he’s asking me this, and I sure as hell don’t know why I’m telling him.

            Justin laughed, “My dad left when I was two.”

            I nodded my head; this is definitely getting too personal.

            “The kid needs a father.”

            What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who the fuck is he to tell me my son needs a father, “I didn’t have a father and I turned out OK.”

            He smirked before speaking, “you’re a stripper.”

            Although he is quite the asshole, it is true. I laughed, “You just said you didn’t have a father, you turned out ok.”

            “I pay a stripper thousands of dollars a week to suck my dick. There are obviously some issues steaming from something.”

            “Obviously,” I repeated, feeling very weird just sitting on his lap like this.

            “Yeah,” he moved his hand off my waist and I stood up so I could continue with the lap dance.  Justin watched me carefully and slowly unzipped his pants, pulling his dick out and grabbing it in his palm, stroking it as I danced.  “Let me fuck you.”

            “I’m not a prostitute.”

            “I never said you were. Let me cum in your pussy.”

            “No.”

            “How much will it cost to let me fuck the shit out of you?”

            “100 grand,” I answered so he’d get over it. It’s not going to happen.

            He swallowed hard as he continued stroking his dick, “What about 30?”

            “Grand?” I stopped dancing and he nodded his head, “Are you serious?”

            “I’ve never been more fucking serious in my life.” I don’t make 30 grand in a year. Most people make that much in a year, if that.

            “You’re full of shit, you don’t have 30 grand.”

            “I don’t on me, I’m good for it, you know I’m good for it.”

            “We’re not fucking.”

            He took a deep breath and threw his head back, “Come on Chloe, what do I gotta do?”

            “Nothing, it’s not going to happen.”

            “Please?”

            I giggled at how weird he’s acting; he’s like begging me. I’ve never seen him like this; I don’t know what’s going on. “No.”

            He took a long swig of his drink before lighting a blunt and putting it to his lips. I grabbed it from his hand and took a long drag myself, before placing it back between his fingers. Justin gave me a half smile and I looked up at him, then down at his hard dick and grabbed it in my hands. “Oh, your cock so big,” I said in my sexy voice. I learned quickly the more I talk the more money I get.

            “Fuck Chloe, let me fuck you.”

            It feels really good to have this control over him. I grabbed the blunt from his hand again and took another drag, “This is as good as you’re getting Justin,” I got down on my knees and bit my bottom lip while looking up at him, “So shut the fuck up and enjoy it.”

Although this whole thing is quickly becoming a habit, a day does not go by that I don’t question everything. Every single night before I fall asleep I think about the money I have, the money I make each week from Justin and if there is any possible way I could make it without spending my Saturday nights at the club. I’m not ready to stop yet.

I also try to think of any other possible way to make money, not even the amount I make but just enough to get by. I know damn well there is not another job I can make two grand in a night, hell it’s more like two grand for an hour or two.

“What’s up Chloe?”

“Hey Justin,” I walked in and started to dance.

He wasted no time, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me so I was sitting on his lap, “Let me fuck you.”

“We’ve been through this,” I answered.

“Let’s go through it again.”

“No, I’m not a prostitute.”

“You’re not a stripper either, you don’t strip you dance. What are you? A dancer? A cocksucker? A blowjob giver?”

“I dance.”

“Let me finger you,” he’s not listening to me.

“No.”

“Finger yourself, show me how you do it when you’re all alone.”

I giggled at his request, “No.”

“Come on Chloe give me something,” he begged, his voice low.

“I’m giving you a lap dance.”

“I don’t want a fucking lap dance. Take off your clothes, dance for me naked, touch yourself, let me watch you touch yourself.” I got up off his lap and danced for him but I’m not taking off my clothes. He took a deep breath and grabbed his whisky, taking a long swig before putting the glass back on the table. “I’m going to be gone for a couple weeks.”

“Why?” I asked that too quickly, the truth is it worries me that he’s leaving and he won’t come back. I need him to come back; he’s the reason why I’m able to afford to live recently.

Justin smiled cockily, “I gotta go to Europe for a couple weeks. Let me fuck you before I go,” he ran his hands down my body, “I’ll give you ten grand.” I stopped in my tracks, why am I considering this? He laughed out loud, “Ten fucking grand to ride my dick.” He placed his thumbs at the waist of my panties, “It’s a good deal.”

“They have cameras,” I whispered into his ear.

He gave me a sexy half smile before whispering into mine, “Let’s give them a fucking show.”

“I’ll get fired.”

Justin took a deep breath and threw his head back, “Meet me at the Hilton down the street.”

“Are you serious?” he nodded his head to answer, “You have ten grand?”

“In my fucking pocket. Ten grand for the rest of the night.”

I bit at my lip as I thought about what I was about to agree to, “I can’t stay all night I have to get back to my son.”

He put his wrist up to his face and checked the time, “Fine, till four.”

I nodded my head and stood up off his lap and went to get my things together. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. All I know is he’s not going to be here for a few weeks and I still need money. At least this way I’ll still be getting the same amount.

When most people go to meet up with their prostitutes I would think they’d go to some nasty hotel. Not Justin Timberlake, we go to the Beverly Hills Hilton. I’ve never even been in a hotel like this, never mind meeting up for sex. Hell I’ve never met up for sex in a roach hotel. This whole thing is a new experience for me. When I got into the hotel there was a key to the penthouse waiting for me at the front desk. I had to swipe the key in the elevator to even get up there.

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror in the elevator. What the fuck am I doing?

When I got up to the room Justin was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. He smiled when he saw me and motioned for me to come closer. I pulled my sweatpants and shirt off and went to the mini bar, taking a shot of tequila and swallowing it hard. I’m going to need all the help I can get.

“Why are you wearing clothes?”

“Why are you?” I asked as I walked closer to him, “Where’s the money?”

“On the table,” he nodded his head towards the table, “Get over here and ride me.”

I sat down on his lap and pulled his shirt over his head before running my hands down his washboard abs. Fuck, I did not know he had those under there. I felt his hands on my back unhooking my bra. I bit at my lip and unzipped his pants before pulling them down his legs.

“Come on girl,” he pleaded with me but I’m not going to give in that easy.

I walked away from him and could feel his eyes on my ass. He has a bit of an obsession with my ass for some reason.

“Where are you going?”

I smiled and stood in front of him, resting my thumbs in the waist of my panties, sliding them down oh so slightly. I watched his reaction and his dick get hard faster than I’ve ever seen it before. I stopped and pulled my panties back on and sat down on his lap, grabbing his dick in my hands, stroking it.

Justin ran his hands through my hair and I felt his lips on my neck. I quickly pulled away, “Don’t kiss me.”

He laughed, “OK.”

“I’m fucking serious, don’t.”

“Alright, sorry. Ride it bitch.” He pulled my panties down and I kicked them off, standing over his dick. I held onto his cock and positioned it at my opening, holding myself just above him. I moved down so his head was right at my opening, “What the fuck? Ride it.”

I smiled and moved my hips in circles, with only the tip of his cock inside me. It was driving him crazy which was driving me crazy. Justin moaned and moved so he could get deeper inside of me, but I moved away. “Fuck Chloe, what are you doing?”

“What?”

“Ride it bitch, ride it,” I fell onto him and he shouted, “Fuck! Oh fuck Chloe.”

I couldn’t help but scream myself; I wish it didn’t feel so fucking good. No, I take that back. It feels so fucking good. “Fuck you’re tight, oh fuck you’re so tight.”

I continued riding him, unable to think about anything except how good he feels inside of me. He moved closer, his face moving towards me, “Don’t kiss me.”

“I’m coming,” he answered in a raspy voice.

“Not yet wait… I’m almost there… oh god.”

“Say my name bitch, say my name.”

“Justin! Oh fuck Justin! Yes!” I threw my head back and shouted.

Justin called out my name as I felt him come inside me. Oh shit. I rested my forehead on his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath and felt Justin’s hands searching my back.

“Damn girl, you’re so fucking hot when I hit your spot.”

I giggled and stood up pulling my clothes back on, “Have fun in Europe. Bring me back something good.”

I grabbed the money and my bag and left him alone. As I rode home I expected to feel gross and like a slut, but I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not proud of myself but I don’t feel as gross as I thought I would. That’s not good. I think I’ve reached the point where I’ll do anything for money. This could be quite disastrous.

When I got back to my apartment I woke up Kelly and told her she could leave. I took a long shower, cleaning myself up the best I could. Now I feel dirty, it’s finally sinking in now. I cried in the shower and fell down on the floor of the shower, hugging my legs with the water falling over me. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I finally managed to straighten myself out and snuck in to see Brady who was sound asleep. I picked him up and lay in bed holding on to him tightly. The sun was just rising as I dozed off, only to be woken up ten minutes later when Brady was up.

“Mommy,” he giggled.

“Monkey,” I answered, unable to open my eyes.

“How come you here?”

“I couldn’t sleep. You know how when you can’t sleep you come in my room? Well I come in your room when I can’t sleep.”

Brady giggled again, “You’re silly.”

I smiled, “Are you awake for good?”

“Yeah. Are you sleepy?”

I nodded my head.

“How bout I make you breakfast? I make you your favorite… Fruity Pebbles!”

I laughed at his excitement over Fruity Pebbles, which happens to be his favorite cereal instead of mine.

“Mommy, I go make breakfast and watch Sponge Bob and you sleep. Go night night,” he kissed my forehead.

“Thanks darling.”

It’s impossible to sleep when you know your son is roaming around the apartment looking for breakfast… or just roaming in general. I got up a few minutes later and sat on the couch with him.

“Mommy, can we go to the park? The one with the doggies. Cause last time Goldie wanted to play and I forgot my ball. But this time I’m gonna remember to take it so I can play. And last time there was two Goldie’s, memba?”

I nodded my head; he loves to go to the dog park especially because all the people there think he’s so adorable they let him play with all the dogs. He’s always wanted a dog, since he was tiny. I wish I could get him one but we can’t get one here. Maybe someday we’ll be able to get a house and a dog. He doesn’t even ask me for one anymore, he’s fully content just going to visit other people’s dogs every once in awhile. He’s perfect.

“One more! One more!” Brady shouted while jumping up and down.


“OK, ok one more. Relax, then we’re leaving,” I handed him five dollars and he ran to the bouncy room thing. He’s like super active hyper today, I thought letting him jump around in a huge room made of balloons would calm him down a little. That backfired.


I sat down on a bench watching my son go absolutely crazy literally bouncing off the walls. Sometimes he makes me wonder. There are so many kids in this place, I mean obviously there are a lot of kids but it’s so crowded. I am so happy he didn’t ask me about a birthday party. I think I’d be one of those mothers that go absolutely crazy dealing with ten five year olds bouncing off the walls.


It’s been a few weeks since my bad judgment with Justin. I have decided that I’m not going to the club anymore. Brady is starting kindergarten soon and then I can get a normal job working while he’s in school. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do but I’ll find something. Obviously it’s not going to be good money like the other thing but we’ll be able to make it. Plus I won’t have this constant feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing my mother is looking down at me ashamed.


My phone rang in my pocket, luckily I had it on vibrate because I know I wouldn’t have been able to hear it. “Hello?”


“Chloe?” I could hardly make it out.


“Yeah, I can’t hear you.”


“I need a favor.”


“Who is this?”


“Justin.”


My heart stopped and I recognized the voice, I knew it sounded familiar, “How did you get this number?”


“I don’t have this number, I’m at the club they called you.”


“OK, you can’t call me though.”


“I need a favor Chloe.”


“Probably not, the answer is probably no. I’m with my son you can’t call me.”


“Alright, I’m sorry,” oh my gosh, I know it’s loud in here but I swear he just apologized, “Can you come to the club?”


“No, I’m with my son.”


“Well can we meet somewhere?”


“What do you need?”


“A favor,” he repeated once again.


“What kind of a favor?” I can repeat myself too.


“I want to ask you in person. Please Chloe just meet me somewhere.”


“I’m with my son.”


“I know. I get it. You can’t take him with you to a parking lot or something? Leave him in the car for a second while we talk.” The sound of his voice worried me a little. He was angry but he was also begging, he really wants me to meet him somewhere and for some reason I could feel myself giving in.


“Fine, in the parking lot of Albertson’s on Sunrise.”


Justin let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you Chloe, when?”


“Like 20 minutes.”


“Thanks Chloe, I’ll see you soon.” He can be normal when he wants something, he can be a nice person when he tries. The truth is I haven’t seen him or talked to him since the night of the bad judgment call. I haven’t been to the club either. The whole thing really fucked with me, I think it’s safe to say I learned my lesson. He’s been in Europe anyway, I’m not sure when he got back. I don’t really care either.


I understand that it takes at least twenty minutes to get to the Albertson’s on Sunrise but I plan on making him wait a little. My hope is that Brady will be so tired that he’ll fall asleep and never even know I met Justin in the parking lot. I do know that it’s not a big deal and even if Brady does see me talking to Justin he would never know Justin is not just a friend of mine. But part of me thinks that Justin will do something or say something stupid to make me want to kill myself… or kill him. I think I’d rather kill him.


“Mommy I bounced… SO high,” Brady giggled as I drove to meet Justin.


“I know, I saw you, you were like a basketball.”


He giggled again; I really wish he would sleep, “You know, I gotta basketball.”


I nodded my head and looked in the rearview mirror at him. He cannot sit still. “I know Monkey, try to sleep ok?”


“Sleep?” he shouted and threw his hands up, “It’s not even dark yet.”


I laughed on the outside but wanted to cry on the inside. Why can’t he be tired after bouncing off the walls for hours?


“Where we going?”


“Um… I have to stop at the store,” I’m literally shaking. It took all I had to turn into the parking lot a few minutes later. “I’m just going to…” I looked back and saw he was actually sleeping. Oh god, thank you. I let out a sigh of relief and pulled next to Justin who was leaning against his huge Jurassic Park style jeep. It’s kind of obnoxious, but I wouldn’t really expect less from him.


He gave me a half smile as I stepped out of the car, “What’s up Chloe?”


“Hey,” I answered softly.


He laughed, “Relax, I’m not going to do anything. You look so scared.”


“What do you want?”


Justin took a deep breath and licked his lips while fiddling with the change in his pocket, “I need a favor.”


“I know, my son is in the car, what do you want?”


“Yeah, I have uh… a show I have to go to and do the red carpet. And I need someone to go with… so I want… you to go with me.”


Did he really just ask me on a date?


“It’s uh… in a couple weeks and you just have to walk the carpet with me and sit with me and go to the parties after. You don’t have to uh… do anything else if you don’t want. I’ll pay you; I mean I don’t know how much you want. Like ten grand or something?”


“You’ll give me ten grand to go to an awards show with you?”


“Is that not good? You want more? I don’t know the going rate here,” he laughed.


Oh, to have such a disposable income that you can pay a girl ten grand to go to an awards show with you.


“You’ll get a dress and your hair and everything done. I mean, I don’t know what else… you need but it’ll all be taken care of. Shoes I guess, a bag, I don’t know.”


“Why do you want me to go?”


He shrugged, “Honestly, my ex-girlfriend is going and she has this new asshole boyfriend and I need to show her up.”


I laughed at his honesty.


“Is that a yes?” he smiled.


Ten grand to sit with the kid for a couple hours, that’s even easier than the other stuff.


“Seriously ten grand?”


“Seriously ten grand,” he nodded his head.


“OK.”


I saw a smile slide on his face, “Thank you. It won’t be that bad, I promise. I’ll give you more, if anything comes up or whatever.”


“OK, so…”


“Yeah, I’ll let you go. Let me get your number so I can call you with the details.” I gave him a look and he laughed, “Or I can give you my number. You have to call me though, Monday I’ll find out.” I nodded my head and took the card he handed me, “Star 6 9 will block your number so I can’t tell.”


I laughed, “I know.”


“Of course you know,” he laughed and looked behind me, “Your kid looks impressed.”


I looked back at Brady who was now wide-awake, staring at Justin’s car like it was the coolest thing he’s ever seen. I looked back to see Justin wave at Brady, before I heard Brady’s voice. “Mommy! He has a Jurassic Park car! Do you go see da dinosaurs?” he put the window down.


“Yeah man,” Justin answered with a smile, “I just saw a T-Rex yesterday.”


Brady’s mouth dropped open, “Them are my favorite. Can I go for a ride Mista Mista?”


“No Brady, we have to go,” I answered for him, I wish he were sleeping again, I don’t want them to talk.


“I’ll take him for a ride.”


“He needs the seat though, and you don’t have one so…”


“Mommy you can take this out. Memba you use ta do it wit Nana?”


I took a deep breath and Justin noticed and laughed, “It’s cool if you don’t want to.”


“Please Mommy? Just a little one?”


“OK, like around the parking lot.” I agreed even though I know I shouldn’t have.


Brady jumped out of his seat and opened the door. I miss when he was little and couldn’t do all that himself. Justin grabbed the car seat and put it in the back of his jeep very easily. I grabbed onto Brady’s hand and tried to calm myself down. I don’t know why I’m freaking out so much but I’m about to have a panic attack.


“I’ll be careful,” Justin promised as I helped Brady in the backseat and climbed in the front.


“Can we go see da T-Rex? Please Mista Mista.”


“My name is Justin.”


“Oh,” Brady answered before a pause, “I’m Brady. Can we?”


“Maybe some other time, I don’t think they’re around now.”


“We can look.”


“Brady no,” I answered softly. I can’t believe this is happening.


“Nah,” Justin answered, “I think your mother is a little scared of the dinosaurs.”


Brady giggled, “Mommy’s not scared of nuttin.”


“Nuttin huh?” Justin chuckled while looking in the rearview mirror at Brady, “Are you guys hungry?”


“No,” I answered quickly. I’m actually quite starving but I don’t want to go anywhere with Justin.


“I am,” Brady answered, “Mommy you said you was hungry and we stop on the way home and get something.”


Justin laughed, throwing his head back, “The kid’s a lie detector, I love it.”


“Yeah, we all love it,” I answered sarcastically.


“How about pizza? It’s right over here,” Justin suggested.


“I’m not big on pizza.”


“Brady?” he went to my son for the truth.


“I love pizza. Mommy likes it wit stinky mushrooms though, yuck!” he laughed. “Oh I know! Mista, we can eat it in da car. Den we can go ta Jurassic Park and see da dinosaurs.”


“Brady we’re not going to see the dinosaurs today hunny, they’re not out.”


“Oh,” he pouted his lips out, “Just pizza den.”


“Ok, just pizza.” I agreed, he’s having the time of his life just being in the car. I feel like I haven’t been able to make him happy like he used to be since my mother died. So now I have to do everything I can to make him feel good.


Justin laughed as he pulled into a parking lot, “He’s on my side.”


I’m sure I rolled my eyes although I doubt either of the boys saw it. I’m a little confused about Justin’s sudden complete change of character. Maybe something drastic happened while he was in Europe.


Brady and I sat down at a table while Justin went up to order the pizza. “Mommy, do you think that guy will take me on a dinosaur hunt?”


I smiled and ran my hand through his hair, “He’s very busy hunny, I don’t know.”


“Oh,” he pouted out his lips, “I wanna go though. What’s his name again Mommy? I forgot.”


“Justin,” I answered softly, I’m beginning to regret this.


Justin came back to the table and placed drinks in front of us, “Thank you,” I answered and Brady thanked Justin as well, without me even having to remind him. “So how was Europe?”


He nodded his head and took a sip of his soda, “Good, busy. I was busy doing crap all day and night.”


“Sounds like fun.”


“Yeah,” he nodded his head, “It wasn’t that bad. My Saturday nights sucked, I can tell you that much.” I felt a smile on my face and looked at Justin who was giving me a smile back. I quickly looked away when I realized what was happening.


“Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin,” he smiled throwing his head down as my son called his name over and over again.


“What’s up man?”


“Hi,” he giggled, “Guess what? I gotta fishin pole for my birthday. Did you know it was my birt day? It was and I’m five now. Five,” he held up four fingers. He has to work on that.


“Five huh?” Justin laughed as he held up four fingers.


“Mmmhmm, five,” Brady stopped to look at his fingers and count them, “One, two, three… OH FIVE!” he held up the last finger and giggled. “I silly. I forget cause I was four before. Did you know dat Mista?”


“Justin buddy, call me Justin.”


Brady nodded his head and held his slice of pizza up vertically over his head eating it with his head tilted back. Justin laughed; I don’t know what is wrong with Brady today. “Brady, eat your pizza the right way.”


He laughed before putting it down on the plate.


“You have your hands full with this one.”


“Yeah, he’s usually not this hyper. But I guess that just means he can’t go to the bouncy room anymore,” I answered as Brady’s mouth fell to the ground, I mimicked him and he started giggling again. This was a huge mistake.


We finished eating without any major issues and Justin drove us back to the car. “Thanks for dinner,” I answered as he put the car seat in the back of my car.


“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for the coming to the show.” Justin laughed as he looked over at Brady who was leaning against the car to keep himself up, “You’re tired now huh? It was nice to meet you buddy.”


Justin held out his hand but Brady hugged him instead. Why did he have to hug him? “Thank you.”


“Yeah man, no problem.”


I helped Brady into the car and Justin waited until I closed the door to speak again, “So I’ll see you Saturday?”


I nodded my head and got into the car, “Thanks again.”


As I drove off I wondered what had just happened. Is it really possible that the man I was just with is the same man that I have been with every Saturday for the past few months? What the hell happened while he was in Europe? I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up, I’m sure he’ll go right back to being an asshole on Saturday, although it will be interesting to find out.


All I know is that I really should not have gone with him today. I tend to regret everything I do when it comes to him. But I definitely should not have let Brady meet him. I know for a fact Brady is going to be talking about that guy with the Jurassic Park car for a very long time.

            I dug through my purse, throwing everything out as I looked, nothing. “Brady,” I called out.

            “Mommy,” he offered in the same singsong tone I had called his name.

            “Monkey,” I looked up at his smiling face, “Do you know where Mommy’s keys are?

            “Um…” he tapped his chin as he thought, “I only know where the keys to da Jurassic Park guy’s car is.”

            “Well where are those?” I’m about ready to snap. He just turned five years old and he’s already hiding my keys. Where did he learn that?

            “I dunno,” he shrugged, “I know! We could go see the Jurassic Park guy and he could give us some more.”

            I threw my head back and took a deep breath, “I told you Monkey, we don’t need to worry about Jurassic Park man anymore.”

            “But Mommy, he gets ta go see da dinosaurs! And I wanna go! He said he’d take me.”

            “I know babe, but…” I paused to try and come to some compromise; “I’ll call him ok? And see. He’s probably busy though, but I will ask him” I lied.

            “OK… I go find da keys,” Brady stood up and walked into his room. I really don’t know if I should be laughing or crying at the fact that my five year old son is already trying to wheel and deal.

            He came running out a second later with the keys in his hand, “Make sure you tell him that I wanna help get the raptor!”

            I grabbed the keys from his hand and clipped them to my bag before helping him with his jacket, “Thank you Monkey, but you can’t take Mommy’s keys like that.”

            Brady nodded his head and grabbed onto my hand as I led him to the car. “Mommy, where’s the Jurassic Park car?”

            Oh my gosh, it’s like seriously every single thing goes back to that with him.  “Maybe we can get a movie for you to watch tonight with Kelly,” I suggested.

            “OK… how bout Nemo?”

            “Monkey we have Nemo,” that’s all he ever wants to watch, Finding Nemo, Jurassic Park, or Sponge Bob.  We spent the day running errands, just like we do every Saturday. When we got home Brady went right to the couch. There was a sudden change in his attitude; all of a sudden he was really quiet, “Are you ok?”

            “Mommy my tummy hurts.”

            “Your tummy?” I asked and he nodded his head. I sat down on the couch and pulled him on my lap before feeling his forehead, it’s warm. “What else hurts?”

            “My neck.”

            “Your neck?” he nodded his head, “Like the inside?” he nodded his head again, “That’s your throat babe. How about a popsicle?”

            I spent the night on the couch with Brady. It just breaks my heart to see him sick like that. There was no possible way I could leave him alone.  Part of me didn’t want to go to the club anyway. I haven’t been in almost a month and I wasn’t really planning on going back. Although after seeing Justin the other day I did tell him I would go. But it’s not a big deal, in fact it’s probably better that I don’t go. I was afraid it would be rather awkward.

            Both Brady and I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up the next morning and he was still sound asleep. I managed to sneak away without waking him and cleaned up the mess from the night before.  When he woke up he still wasn’t feeling wonderful but he was better.

            By Monday Brady was back to his normal self. I remembered that I was supposed to call Justin and honestly my hands were shaking as I was dialing his number.

            “Hello?” he answered softly.

            “Hey, it’s Chloe.”

            “Chloe, good. You’re supposed to go look for a dress today.”

            “Today?”

            “Yeah,” he laughed, “Actually at two.”

            I looked over at the clock to see it was 1:40. Thanks for the advance notice buddy. “I can’t, I have my son.”

            Justin was silent for a few seconds while he was trying to figure something out, “My mother can watch him.”

            His mother? Is he serious? Justin is really suggesting that I leave my son with his mother? There are not many people that I trust enough to leave Brady with. And I will tell you that there is no possible way that his mother would be one of them. I realize that I do not know his mother, but I highly doubt she is a wonderful babysitter. I mean really, she didn’t raise him very well for him to act like such an asshole.

            “I’m not leaving Brady with your mother.”

            Justin was silent for a few more seconds, “He can come. I’ll go with you and help you with him while you’re trying them on.”

            I think that would be the best option. Although I don’t really want Brady alone with Justin at least I’ll be there. I can take him with me as much as I need to. “OK.”

            “I’ll come pick you guys up?” he suggested.

            “No, we’ll meet you there.” I don’t want him knowing where we live.

            Justin chuckled, “Alright then. Come by my house and we’ll go together. Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?”

            “Yes. We’ll meet you at your house.”

            “For two.”

            “It is two.”

            “Yeah, so hurry up,” Justin answered with a laugh.

            I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. What exactly am I doing? I know that this is not a good idea but for some reason I am still packing my son up to take him with me shopping for a dress for an awards show that I am getting paid to go to with Justin Timberlake. This is insane.

            “Where we going Mommy?”

            “We’re going shopping for a dress.” I answered as I helped him in the car.

            “A dress?” Brady shouted throwing his hands up, “I don’t wanna wear a dress Mommy.”

            I really am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an adorable son. I know most mothers think that their son is the cutest kid in the world but mine seriously is. He is really worried that I’m going to make him wear a dress.

            “Not for you silly goose, for me.”

            “Oh, ok phew,” he wiped the imaginary sweat from his forehead.

            A smile covered my face as I looked back at my son. He makes me forget that I’m about to turn into Justin’s driveway. I’ve never been to his house and just pulling into the driveway makes me remember what exactly it is I’m doing. I’m starting to shake again.  This house is huge.

            “Mommy! It looks like a castle!”

            “I know, it does,” I answered with a laugh as I parked the car. I know this is going to be yet another thing that Brady does not stop talking about.

            Brady’s mouth fell open as Justin came out of his house, “Mommy! It’s the Jurassic Park guy!”

            “Yeah I know; he’s going to come help us look. You’re going to be good right?”

            He giggled, “Mommy you always tell me that but you forget I’m always good.”

            “You’re right Monkey, I’m just making sure.”

            Justin opened my door and stuck his head in, “Hey, I’ll drive. What’s up kid?”

            “Hi Mista!” Brady began, “Can we go in da Jurassic Park car and find da dinosaurs?”

            “Yeah man, let’s go, we’re late.”

            I helped Brady out and Justin quickly put the car seat in his jeep. He picked it up with one hand as if it weighs two pounds. It takes me a lot more to get it out, it’s so heavy… or maybe I’m just weak. Brady jumped in and I climbed in the front seat.

            “How’s it going Chloe?”

            “Fine, how are you?”

            “I’m good,” he smiled, “So you stood me up Saturday huh?”

            I made a face and Justin let out a chuckle, “Stood you up? I didn’t know we had plans.”

            “I said I’ll see you Saturday and you said yes.”

            “I don’t think I said yeah, I wouldn’t have said yeah,” I turned my gaze away from the window and to Justin. He was smiling, which is always a good sign. I’m still not exactly positive he wouldn’t take me somewhere and kill me.

            “You did.”

            “Well,” I paused as I thought of what to say next, “Brady was sick.”

            “Oh,” Justin nodded his head and looked back at Brady, “Are you feeling better Tec?”  He laughed after noticing Brady looking out the window, trying his hardest to find a dinosaur. “Hello?”

            “Did you call him Tec?” I asked, why on earth would he call him Tec?

            Justin nodded his head again and laughed, “He’s the lie detector, Tec.”

            I shook my head and rolled my eyes, “Clever.”

            “I like to think so,” Justin smiled as he pulled into the parking lot of a small building. “They got a bunch of dresses in here for you.”

            The building looked like a factory or even an old abandoned building from the outside. But inside there were off white walls and bright flowers surrounding the racks and racks of dresses. Two men and three women as well as two glasses of champagne and a juice box met us at the door for Brady.

            I followed the team of consultants into the dressing room and Justin sat down in the waiting area with Brady. I still don’t know how I feel about them spending all this time together.

            The first dress I tried on was purple. I like purple as much as the next guy but it’s really purple. I walked out of the dressing room and couldn’t help but just watch Brady and Justin interact.

            “My favorite is the Spinosaurus,” Brady said with a smile as he played with the string on Justin’s sweatshirt.

            “Which one is that?”

            “It’s got a sail on the back. Its so cool looking Justin. You gotta see it next time you go hunting.”

            “That is pretty cool,” Justin smiled before looking over at me.

            “Mommy!” Brady shouted, “You look like Barney!” he giggled.

            That’s nice. Brady thinks I look like a big purple dinosaur.

            Justin laughed and shook his head, “Dude, I don’t think that’s something she wants to hear.”

            “Yeah, probably not. Thanks Monkey,” I answered sarcastically as I went back into the dressing room. I’ve never been a really girly girl. I never went to my prom or anything like that. Hell, I was pregnant with Brady during my prom. I’ve never been one to dress up. But the second I put the next dress on I knew it was the one.

            The strapless baby blue dress reached the floor. The top was tight and looked like it was wrapped in a crisscross across the front. It pushed up my boobs and made them look fantastic. I definitely did not think I’d find a dress I liked at this place, never mind the second dress I tried on.

            I walked out of the dressing room and heard Brady continuing to teach Justin all about the dinosaurs. Justin looked up when he noticed I was standing there. The look on his face was quite confusing. A smile slid on his face as he looked me over. He nodded his head, “That’s it.”

            I smiled back and twirled around, I do love the dress.

            “Mommy I like that one!” Brady shouted, “You look pretty.”

            Justin chuckled, “Yeah, that’s much better Tec.”

            Brady giggled as he walked over to me, “Mommy, he calls me Tec cause I’m a lie detector!”

            I laughed and picked Brady up in my arms, twirling him around with me. He has no idea what a lie detector is but he still thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. This all goes back to how my son is the cutest kid in the world.  

            After I got changed back into my jeans and t-shirt Justin was signing some papers and Brady was sitting on the chair, keeping himself occupied by pulling the blinds up and down.

            “The dress will be ready for you Thursday. We’ll send you some shoes and purses and you can decide what you like,” one of the consultants said to me.

            “Thank you so much,” I said as I walked closer to Brady, “Come on Monkey.”

            As we drove back to Justin’s house Brady continued searching for the dinosaurs.  Justin pulled into his driveway and turned the car off, “I would have taken you guys to dinner but he seems tired.”

            I followed Justin’s gaze to Brady who was fighting to keep his eyes open so he wouldn’t miss a dinosaur passing by. “Yeah,” I answered, “Thanks for everything.”

            Justin nodded his head, “Thanks for doing it. Are you going to call me Thursday? I’ll let you know what’s going on with everything.”

            “Yeah, sure.”

            He nodded his head again and bit at his lip, “Do you go to the club any other days or just Saturday?”

            “I haven’t been in a while.”

            A smile formed on his face, “So you’re due back then?”

            “I… guess.”

            He laughed this time, “Do you… guess you could be there tomorrow?”

            “I guess.”

            “I guess I could be there too.”

            He made me smile at the way he said it and I cursed myself for letting him make me smile.

 

 

            Usually after I take Brady to preschool I’m busy running around doing errands or cleaning. Today, I went home and went back to bed. I’m not usually such a complete bum but I haven’t really been sleeping too well.

            My cell phone ringing woke me up, and I’m really bad at having a normal voice when I just wake up.  “Hello?” I asked in a whisper.

            “Hello?” the female voice answered softly, “Is this Brady’s mother?”

            I jumped up and cleared my throat, “Yes, is he ok?”

            “Um, he’s fine. This is Miss Stephanie from his school. Can you come to school and get him please?”

            I let out a sigh of relief; I really thought something happened to him. I’m just the idiot that falls asleep and forgets to pick up her son. I looked at the clock to see it wasn’t time to pick him up yet; in fact I still have another hour and a half. “Is something wrong?”

            “He’s fine.  I’ll see you soon.” She hung up the phone before I could ask any more questions. Now I’m worried. I have never driven to the preschool that fast in my life. I ran into the office and saw my son sitting in the corner with his arms crossed, pouting his lips out.

            “Hi, I’m um…” I pointed to Brady, “his mother.”

            “Hi, come on in. Brady you wait out here.”

            I glanced back at Brady who was still pouting and then followed the principal into her office. I don’t know if she is a principal, I don’t even know if they have principals in preschool. All I know is she does not look happy and I feel like I’m back in grade school getting called to the office myself.

            “I’m Stephanie Moss, the head teacher.”

            “Chloe,” I answered, “Is he in trouble?” I wish she would just get to it, there’s no need to have the introductions. Clearly he’s in trouble, I would like to know why.

            “Brady punched another boy in the face.”

            “What?” my mouth dropped open.

            “And made his nose bleed.”

            “My Brady?” There has to be some sort of confusion, there is no way my son would punch another boy in the nose.

            “Yes. He won’t tell me why he did it and the other boy won’t tell me what happened either.”

            “Are you sure he did it? Because he’s not like… violent.  At all.”

            “His teacher saw him.”

            I nodded my head; I don’t want to be one of those parents in complete denial. I believe an adult, although I really don’t know what would have gotten into him to do that. “Was the other boy picking on him?”

            “No he wasn’t. You’re going to need to keep him home for the rest of the week.”

            “Like… he’s suspended?” she nodded her head. I didn’t know they suspended kids from preschool.

            “Yes. I’ll bring him in.”

            When Brady walked in he still had his arms crossed. Who is this kid and what happened to my sweet, adorable son? “Come here,” I pulled him close to me, “Look at me,” he looked up slowly, “What did you do?”

            “Nothing Mommy, he made me do it.”

            “Oh Brady, please. You do not do that.  I’ll take care of this, he won’t act like that again,” I said to the teacher as I stood up and grabbed onto Brady’s hand, “I’m so sorry. Can we go apologize?”

            The teacher led us into his classroom and I pulled Brady along with me.  He is not happy and neither am I. I just would like to know who this alien is and where’s my son? She called the little boy over and Brady pulled his hand away from mine to cross his arms over his chest again. “I’m sorry hunny, are you ok?” I kneeled down to be at this little boy’s level.  He nodded his head, “Brady, what do you say?”

            “Sorry,” he pouted.

            “OK, let’s try it again and this time say it like you mean it.”

            “Sorry,” that wasn’t as bad. I’ll take it.

            “Let’s go,” I grabbed his hand again and dragged him outside. I’m not exactly sure what to say with him. I’ve never had to really discipline him. This would be one of those times I need my mother to tell me what to do. I’m really fucking up. I really need her. I took deep breaths to stop the tears that were making their way down my face.

            “Mommy, I’m hungry. Can we get McDonalds?”

            “NO!” I screamed, “Are you serious?”

            “But I’m hungry,” he whined.

            “Well that’s great. Maybe you should have behaved and then you’d be in school eating lunch right now.”

            “I’M. HUNGRY! Mommy my belly is growling.”

            “Tell it to be quiet then. And you be quiet too, I don’t want to hear your voice again.”

            He pouted and I’m sure he crossed his arms again but I can’t look back because then he’d see my tear stained face.  I took the long way home so I could get myself together.  When we got back to the apartment I helped him out of his seat and went upstairs, he managed to keep himself quiet the whole time.

            “I’m hungry,” he whined softly.

            “I don’t care. Quiet.”

            “I wanna play.”

            “Brady, you are not going to play. You did not come home from school to play and get McDonalds. So sit.”

            “No.”

            “What did you just say?” I am about ready to go completely mad. Did he really just talk back to me like that? “You do not say no to me.”

            “Well what if I just shake my head then?” and now it’s over.

            “You sit down in that chair and do not move until I tell you to. Do you understand?” he didn’t respond, “Brady, do you understand?”

            “Yes,” he answered softly.

            “Do not talk to me like that. I don’t know what has gotten into you.”

            I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some bread to make him a sandwich.

It really makes me nervous that he punched another kid. He’s never been a violent person. His father used to hit me… a lot… so I’m afraid he’s going to turn out like that. Brady’s never even met his father so there’s no reason why he would be like him. I’ve tried my hardest since the day he was born to make sure he does not grow up to be one of those men that always resorts to violence. Hell, the day I found out I was pregnant was the day I ended all contact with his father for that reason.  I guess it took the idea of having a child for me to realize I didn’t need to be treated like that.

            After trying so hard to make sure Brady doesn’t turn out like his father, I am still standing here in my kitchen making a sandwich for my five year old son that just punched another boy in the nose to the point of blood splashing out. Not only that, he’s beginning to talk back to me. I thought I’d have a few more years before that started. I need someone here to help me get through this.

            I’ve never been a strong female. I really wish I was, but the truth is I need someone to help me get through hard times. My mother was always that person for me. There was a short time that she was replaced with Brady’s father but it all went back to her.  It didn’t really hit me that she was gone until the day of the funeral.  Everyone always told me how well I was taking the whole thing but it just didn’t feel like she was gone.  It wasn’t until I saw her lifeless body in the coffin that it hit me.

            It was at that point that I broke down.  I fell to the ground screaming and crying. It was like all of a sudden my mother had just vanished. One minute she was there sitting next to me helping me with laundry and the next she was gone.  I need her help.

            “Come on Brady, it’s lunchtime,” I placed the plate on the table and he slowly and quietly sat down.  He didn’t say anything; I think he’s about as mad at me as I am at him. Instead of acting like the adult I decided I wasn’t going to talk to him either. I honestly don’t want to talk to him. I want him to go back to my sweet, innocent, perfect little boy.

            “Can I watch Sponge bob?” Brady stood up after he finished half of his sandwich.

            “No. Sit down, we need to talk.” He sat back down and played with his sandwich. “Tell me why you’re in trouble.”

            “I didn’t do anything!” he started blaming ten other kids.

            “Whoa, whoa, stop. I didn’t say you did or didn’t do anything. I asked you a question. Tell me why you’re in trouble.”

            “I dunno. It’s not fair!”

            My head is starting to pound. Why can’t he just tell me what he did and see why he’s being punished and be done with it?

            “Brady, you seriously don’t know what you did wrong?” He shook his head and that made my blood boil, “Well then go back to your thinking chair and think about it. And when you figure it out then you can tell me. But until you figure out why you’re in trouble I don’t want to see you out of that chair.”

            I stood up and walked away leaving him speechless. I’m actually quite impressed at how tough I’m being. My mother has to be looking down on me and helping me deal with this.

            “Wait Mommy. I think I remember.”

            “Oh, you think you remember.” I repeated. Now we can add the fact that he’s lying to me to the list.

            Brady nodded his head and looked up at me.  “I punched Nathan.”

            “Yes, that’s why. Why did you do that?”

            He shrugged, “He was being mean.”

            “How was Nathan being mean?”

            “He wouldn’t let me play with him.”

            “So you punch him?”

            Brady made a face like he was really thinking about it.  Of course he has to make an adorable face so it’s harder for me to be mad. Although I’m pretty pissed this time it’s not exactly working.

            “I told him I was sorry.”

            “Sometimes sorry isn’t enough.”

            “I gave him a hug too,” he offered.

            I took a deep breath, “That doesn’t solve anything. You really hurt him.” I didn’t get a response, “And I don’t like the attitude you’ve been pulling with me. I don’t like the way you’ve been talking to me.”

            “Sorry Mommy,” he answered softly.

            “OK, now I want you to go to your room.”

            “But Mommy!”

            “Go to your room please,” I answered calmly.

            Brady stood up and stomped into his room before slamming the door. I cannot deal with him being like this forever, he needs to go back to normal real fast. 

            For the rest of the day Brady was in his room, except to come out for dinner. I hope this works, I don’t know what else to do. I know he was playing a little in his room, but he wasn’t doing anything too fun because he was busy trying to keep quiet. After I put him to bed Kelly came over and I was on my way to the club.

            I wasn’t sure how I felt about going to the club. On one hand I think I need to get away from Brady for a little while. But then again, I don’t think this is the place I should be going. Maybe I’ll be able to get my mind off it for a little, or at least I’m getting paid, that will make me feel better.

            After getting changed I went into the room where Justin was already sitting down, a blunt in his mouth and whisky in his hand. He pulled the blunt from his mouth and smiled, “What’s up Chloe?”

            “Hey,” I walked over to him slowly.

            “How are you doing?”

            “Fine.”

            “How’s Tec?”

            “I don’t want to talk about him here.”

            “OK,” Justin smiled before taking a sip of his drink, “Drink?” he offered.

            I shook my head, “What do you want me to do?”

            He answered with one word, “Dance.”

            I danced while I made my way over to his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. I grabbed the back of his head and pushed it into my cleavage. “You’re so beautiful.”

            I ignored him and kept doing what I was supposed to be doing. I ran my hands through his hair and then down his chest. His hands rubbed up my thighs, slowly sneaking closer and closer. I readjusted my weight and moved my spot while Justin slowly undid his belt and pulled his cock out. I looked down at it before grabbing it in my hands and stroking it gently.  I couldn’t get Brady out of my head and the fact that he punched another little boy. I seriously have these pictures flowing through my brain like a slideshow; Brady punching the boy, the blood shooting out, and all of his attitude.

            “Are you alright?” Justin asked and that alone caused me to jump a few feet. I never knew he would actually notice when something is wrong.  I nodded my head. “Are you sure? You seem kid of distant.”

            “Sorry,” I grabbed the strap of my bra with my thumb, playfully pulling to down my shoulder, “What do you want me to do next?”

            “Just keep doing what you’re doing,” was his response.

            I kept dancing but my head was racing. I haven’t been this stressed in a long time. When I’m this stress there’s only one thing I can do: cry. I felt my eyes water and looked away from Justin quickly so he wouldn’t notice.

            “Stop.” Justin put a hand on each side of my waist to stop me.  He then put a hand on each of my cheeks and moved my head so I was facing him. He looked me right in the eye; he’s never looked me in the eyes before.  “What’s going on?” I felt my knees go week and sat down on his lap, “Chloe.”

            “Brady got suspended from school.”

            Justin laughed before quickly stopping. “Kids can get suspended from preschool? For what?”

            I nodded my head, “He punched another boy in the nose and gave him a bloody nose.”

            “That right hook, huh?” Justin laughed again.

            I’m not finding the humor in this situation, “It’s not funny.”

            He looked at my face and stopped, “Alright, sorry. Kids fight, I don’t know what the big deal is.”

            “The big deal is that he never fights, he’s never violent. And he really hurt that boy. And now he comes home and he’s like so obnoxious, talking back to me and being rude. He’s never been like that.”

            “Kids go through phases.”

            “He doesn’t. He never has.”

            Justin laughed again, “Calm down he’ll be ok.”

            I ran my hands through my hair and stood up off his lap, “Why do you think it’s funny? Why are you guys all so messed up that you think hurting yourselves and innocent people is a good idea?”

            He had a smirk on his face but didn’t dare to laugh, “So now you’re mad at me too?”

            I took a deep breath, “I’ll see you Thursday.”

            “You’re leaving?” Justin laughed, “Come on girl, don’t take it out on me. I didn’t even get off yet.”

            “Well sorry, next time maybe.” I grabbed the money from the table and left him and his blue balls alone in the room.                                                                                           

 

            “No Sponge Bob. No videogames, no movies, no television in general, no basketball, no trucks or cars,” I explained to Kelly as I paced around the living room.  Brady sat on the couch making noises of shock at every activity I am forbidding him to do while I’m gone.

            “Is there anything he can do Chloe?”

            “He can sit and he can color or write his name,” I answered before looking over at the big frown on my son’s face. It does make me sad to see him like this, but then again he did punch a boy in the nose to the point of blood squirting.

            “You don’t think you’re being a little hard on him?”

            How dare she tell me how to raise my son. “I am not being hard on him Kel, there was blood squirting from the kid’s nose.”

            “Little kids fight, especially boys.”

            “He’s not that little, he knows better. And it’s not just that, he’s been getting quite the attitude and I’m not going to take it. Do we understand Brady?” he nodded his head, “Alright. I guess I should go.”

            I looked over at the clock to see I was supposed to be at Justin’s house in 3 minutes. He leaves about a half an hour away so that’s not going to happen. I’m scared and nervous and honestly I don’t really want to go. I have a feeling this whole night is going to be very awkward.

            “How about the pool?” Kelly asked. I shook my head, “Chloe, it’s hot. We’ll just go in to cool off. I’ll make sure he doesn’t have an ounce of fun,” she added with a smile.

            “OK, remember Brady, no fun,” I smiled and kissed his forehead, “You be good ok?”

            He nodded his head and I picked him up in my arms, “You know I love you, right hunny? You’re going to get to play soon, I promise.” I pouted my lips and tapped my lips; he gave me a quick kiss. “Be good for Kelly Monkey.”

            “I will Mommy, I promise.”

            “Thanks Kel,” I kissed her cheek before grabbing my bag and waving on my way out. There’s no more putting it off, I have to do it.

            I pulled up to Justin’s gate and took a deep breath. As I rolled down the window to press the call button the gate opened.  I drove up his huge driveway and noticed quickly that there were many cars here that were not here last time. I know he owns like 10 cars but today it looks like a car dealer.

            Justin came outside before I could even park. He closed the door carefully and jogged up to my car, opening the door so I could get out. 

            “Hey, I thought you were standing me up,” he smiled.

            “No I’m just… late, sorry.”

            “No it’s cool,” he looked back at the door, “So, how’s Tec?”

            “Fine,” why does he keep looking back at the door? “Is something wrong?”

            “No. Well… So, my mom just decided she’d fly out without telling me.” He looked back at the door again. Is he telling me his mother is in that house?

            “Like she’s here?” I pointed to the house. He nodded his head, looking back one more time, “So I should leave,” I opened the door and went to sit back in my car. This works out actually, I didn’t want to go and now I don’t have to.

            “No, no” he grabbed my wrist, “ She just showed up, she doesn’t do that often. And I panicked.”

            “What do you mean you panicked?”

            “She said she came so I wouldn’t have to go alone because she knew my ex would be there,” he’s rambling and looking at the door ever other second, “I panicked.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “I told her you were coming.”

            “You told your mother you were taking a stripper?”

            Justin gave me a half smile; “I’ve never heard you refer to yourself as a stripper.”

            I rolled my eyes, “Focus.”

            “No, that’s what I’m saying. I couldn’t tell her that.”

            “Justin” the door opened and a lady, I’m assuming his mother, came out.  She was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans.  Her curly blonde hair was held back by a pair of sunglasses, “Well hi, you must be Chloe,” she walked to me and quickly pulled me into a tight hug. I looked at Justin and he just kind of shrugged. I can’t believe this is happening. “You are beautiful, look at you,” she pulled away from me but still held on to my shoulders looking me over. I just smiled, not quite sure what else to do.

            “Alright Ma, leave her alone. She has to get ready. We’ll see you later.”

            Is she leaving? Oh, I hope she’s leaving.

            “I’m not going anywhere sweetie, I need to see ya’ll dressed up,” I didn’t realize she had such a southern accent until what she just said. I don’t know how I missed it, it’s pretty obvious.

            “It’s on television Ma,” Justin grabbed onto my wrist and walked inside.  It’s good to know he’s an ass to his mother and not just me. He brought me upstairs and into a bedroom quickly closing the door behind us.

            “Um…”

            “Yeah, I know. “

            “She’s your mother. You’re lying to your mother.”

            “I’m not lying to my mother. I’m just…”

            “Lying. To your mother,” I finished his sentence.

            “It’s not a big lie, it’s not something major.”

            “It kind of is.”

            He took a deep breath, “Alright, Miss fucking perfect, model citizen over here. Your mother knows you’re a stripper?”

            “My mother’s dead so… there goes that.”

            Justin bit at his lip, probably regretting what he just said. Good, he should. He shouldn’t be such an asshole when I’m doing him a favor. “Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

            “Yeah. So don’t assume anything,” I turned to the door, “And I know you don’t give a shit, but I think it’s wrong to lie to your mother. If I knew that was involved I wouldn’t be here.”

            He took a deep breath and threw his head back, “It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll give you more.”

            “It’s not all about money. There’s a line and I think it is morally wrong to lie to your mother. I’m staying today because I’m here but I won’t do it again. For any amount of money.”

            “That’s fine.”

            “Alright then. Where do I get changed?”

            I went into another bedroom to get my hair and makeup done. I’ve clearly never been pampered like this but I do think it’s something I could get used to. The only problem, of course, is that Justin’s mother has now snuck in the room and will not stop talking and asking questions. I can’t say I blame her, she does think I’m her son’s new girlfriend, of course she wants to get to know me.

            “Justin says you’re a dancer?” she asked. I nodded my head, “What kind?”

            Um… the kind that helps dirt bags like your son masturbate? “Ballet.”

            “Oh, I used to take ballet when I was younger. I didn’t last too long because my parent’s couldn’t afford it but oh how I loved it.”

            I smiled, she’s kind of sweet. I guess Justin’s father must be a complete jackass because he definitely doesn’t get his asshole tendencies from her. She’s not trying to grill me or find out some secret and let’s face it; it would be fairly simple for her to find a number of secrets about me. She’s just generally interested in the girl that is dating her son. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.

            The stylists finished my hair and makeup and helped me into another room where they helped me put on my dress. I thought that would be enough for her to go in the other room but she’s still talking.

            I stepped out of the room and felt completely like Cinderella. When I say I never dress up like this, well that’s the understatement of the century.  I didn’t even go to my prom, I was busy giving birth. Justin’s mother’s mouth dropped open as I walked out. She put her hands over her mouth and it wouldn’t surprise me if she were crying. Personally, I think it’s a little weird since this is the first time I’ve met her but I’m not one to judge.

            Justin smiled, “Damn.”

            I rolled my eyes and laughed as his mother slapped the back of his head.

            “You look amazing,” he corrected himself.

            “Thank you,” I smiled.

            “You look absolutely stunning,” his mother said with a smile.

            “Thank you.”

            “We should get going,” Justin grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the house.

            “It was nice to meet you,” I called back to his mother, “Justin chill, wait.” I pulled my hand out of his grip, “you’re so rude.”

            I hope she didn’t hear that last part, I don’t think she did, “It was so nice to meet you darling. I’ll see you soon.”

            I nodded my head even though I hope I will not be seeing her again, because I can’t lie to her again. I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about lying to mothers. She gave me another hug and then gave Justin a hug, kissing his forehead, “Don’t be so darn rude Justin, where are your manners?” she slapped his butt and sent us on our way.

            Their relationship reminds me a lot of Brady and I. Although, I sure hope Brady doesn’t turn out like Justin. But I think Justin said his mother pretty much raised him and he never had a father.  That worries me a little, it never used to but since Brady’s been acting so weird lately I’m really afraid he needs a male role model and that’s something I can’t give him.

            “You look so fucking hot Chloe,” Justin said as we drove in the limo.

            “So you’ve said, thank you.”

            “You’re good with fucking compliments huh?” he’s pissed.

            “What do you want me to say? It’s not really a compliment when you say it like that.”

            He took a deep breath, “Suck my dick.”

            “It’ll ruin my makeup.”

            Justin looked out the window, strumming his fingers on the door. I looked over at him and saw his knee tapping as well, “What?” he asked.

            “Can you sit still?”

            “Can you fucking shut up?”

            “Are you nervous?”

            “No.”

            He cannot show any weakness, “Not at all?”

            “What the fuck would I be nervous about?”

            “I don’t know, usually when people can’t sit still they’re a little nervous.”

            “Well I’m not.”

            “OK,” I answered softly and turned my gaze back to the window, “So what do I just meet you inside or follow you?”

            “Just follow me and don’t say anything. Just stand there and look cute.”

            “What I do best,” I said under my breath.

            “No, I don’t think you’ve ever fucking shut up. Can you handle that?”

            I took a deep breath, he’s extra asshole all of a sudden, “Fuck you.”

            “You have to wait until after the show for that babe,” he said with that cocky smile covering his face.

            “You do know I can leave, or call you out on live television right?”

            That shut him up for a minute, “You better not try anything bitch.”

            I felt my heart beat in my throat as the limo stopped. Someone came to the door and Justin got out first before helping me out. He grabbed my arm in his and a smile found it’s way to both of our faces. Justin smiled and waved to random people, some who weren’t even waving back. Everyone was going a little crazy because he was walking the red carpet with a female. I don’t know why, clearly I’m not up on my Hollywood gossip.

            People were literally screaming his name.  I think I’m beginning to see how this madness works. Everyone screams names and then he goes up to whomever he feels like talking to. Justin led me to the first camera.

            “Justin Timberlake, how are you doing man?” the guy asked, putting his hand out to shake Justin’s.

            “Hey bro, how’s it going?”

            “And who is this beautiful lady with you tonight?”

            Justin looked at me and smiled, “This is my girl Chloe.”

            I forced a smile but inside I was boiling. I was never supposed to be his girlfriend. I was supposed to be his date, NOT his girlfriend. There’s certain things that go along with the title of girlfriend that I’m not down with.

            “Girl as in girlfriend?”

            Justin smiled and let out a short laugh, “Yeah man, that would be what I’m talking about.”

            “How long have you two been dating?”

            “Uh… a little over three months, right Chloe?”

            I smiled and nodded my head.

            “How did you two meet Chloe?” the man asked, holding the microphone in front of my face.

            I smiled. Justin said not to talk, he said to just stand there and look cute. That’s what I’m doing. Justin gave me a little nudge and I looked over at him, still smiling.

            “She’s nervous, we met at a club. We’re happy, let’s move on shall we? Good seeing you again bro,” and with that he dragged me away, “What the fuck was that about?” he whispered.

            “You told me not to talk. I didn’t talk.”

            “You know what I fucking meant,” he whispered back.

            “You said not to talk. I didn’t talk,” I repeated.

            “If someone talks to you then you can talk,” he explained it to me as if I didn’t figure that out myself. Obviously I’m just being a bitch, and that’s fine. He’s pissing me off.

            We walked over to the next interview. When I was asked a question I smiled. Justin pinched my arm and I pinched him right back. I’m about to pound my stiletto heel into his eye.

            “They’re going to think you’re fucking mute,” Justin said softly as we walked away.

            “You told me not to speak.”

            “And now I’m tell you to speak.”

            I smiled, “Are you sure you want me to speak?”

            “No,” he answered quickly, “I don’t trust you, just stand there and smile like a fucking idiot, I don’t give a shit.”

            We went to one more interview and I did not speak, I wasn’t really asked to speak either so it did me no good. Next we just stood in front of a wall and like a million people took pictures. I smiled for those because I didn’t want to look horrible in every magazine. I don’t really want to be in every magazine but I figure if I’m going to be I better look good.

            “Kiss her!” people were literally yelling that out. What are we in high school?

            “Don’t you dare,” I whispered between my smile.

            He pretended he didn’t hear me and move in for the kiss, but I’m too fast. I moved so he only got cheek. Then he pulled me close to himself and hugged me for the cameras.

            “OK then, I’m ready.” I started walking off and he grabbed my hand to make it look like he was ready too.

            We walked inside and Justin let go of my hand and went straight for the bar.  He came back with a glass of whisky for himself and nothing for me.

            “Really?”

            He smiled at me, “Oh, did you want something? I thought you weren’t supposed to be drinking anymore Babe.”

            I rolled my eyes, “Do you not get that I can fucking ruin you? Honestly, you know I can very easily air your dirty laundry for everyone to see.”

            “You wouldn’t”

            “Watch me. Just stop being such an asshole. Your ex-girlfriend is going to see you acting like that and be glad she dumped your ass and got out when she did.” He walked away; I’m assuming I pissed him off a little too much. But it’s true; I don’t know why he’s acting like such a jerk.  He’s like just out to be an asshole today.

            Justin came back and handed me a drink then grabbed my hand, “Ready to go sit?”

            I nodded my head and he led me to my seat, stopping a few times to introduce me to people that I probably should know. I’m not up on my celebrities. He was actually nice now, it’s like something clicked in his fucked up brain. We’ll see how long this lasts.  

The seats were in the second row right in the center. There is no chance of blending in with the crowd; everyone will be able to see me.  Justin sat in the aisle and I was seated between him and someone I’m assuming to be a rapper. I probably shouldn’t stereotype like that, but he has more gold chains than anyone who is not a rapper would have.  Justin seemed to know him, and chatted to him over me for a few minutes.

            “I should call and check on Brady,” I rested my hand on his chest and whispered into his ear. .

            “Yeah, I’ll come,” he stood up and grabbed my hand leading me back up the aisle. He waved and talked briefly to different people while I called home to check on Brady.

 Justin seems to know just about everyone here. I do not understand how he goes from being the popular kid to paying me for a lap dance, sex or even to come with him tonight. It can’t be possible that he couldn’t find anyone to do it for free. I mean, I see the looks he’s getting by these beautiful women even when I’m standing next to him holding his hand. If I were his real girlfriend that would be something that would bother me.

I let go of his hand and walked to a quiet corner. Justin followed me closely and sat on a bench as I paced around quietly. It was five rings before Kelly answered and that scared me to death. I don’t like leaving him alone, and most of the time that I do leave him alone is at night when he’s just sleeping. I don’t even remember the last time I left him home with someone other than my mother. I don’t think I ever have, except of course at night.

“Gosh Kel, you scared me.”

“Sorry, we’re making cookies.”

“Cookies?”

“I mean we’re… uh… sitting quietly and not doing anything.”

I laughed, “Whatever, is he being good?”

“Yes, he’s being wonderful. We went swimming and watched Sponge Bob and now we’re making cookies.”

My mouth dropped open, “What the hell Kel? Like, everything I told you not to do you’re doing.”

Kelly laughed, “Well damn Chloe, I refuse to treat your five year old son like he’s an axe murderer.”

I did laugh, even though I think he should still be punished a little, “Can I talk to my axe murderer please?”

“Mommy?” I heard his voice.

“Monkey? Are you being good?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Are you having fun?”

“Yeah,” he paused to giggle, “I mean no.”

“I miss you.”

“OK, bye Mommy!”

“Bye Monkey,” he hung up the phone before he heard me say goodbye.

“Everything alright?” Justin stood up as I walked closer to him.

I nodded my head, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

            Justin grabbed onto my hand and nodded his head, “Sorry about before, I hate these fucking things.”

            I didn’t know exactly how to react to that so I just nodded my head.

            “Let’s get another drink. The show’s going to start soon, trust me you’re going to need it,” he smiled as he led me to the bar. This has been quite the shift in moods. “What would you like, Chloe?”

            “Tequila sunrise please,” I answered softly watching him carefully. He leaned against the bar while he ordered my drink and a whisky on the rocks for himself. 

Justin looked back at me and gave me a quick smile then licked his lips as the drinks were placed in front of him, “Thanks man,” he said to the bartender, handing him a ten-dollar tip and grabbing the drinks in his hands.

“Thank you,” I grabbed the drink from him and took a sip.

“Yeah, no problem,” he held onto my hand as we walked back to our seats. I don’t know how I feel about all this handholding.

“Justin, can I talk to you for a minute?” the soft voice sounded smooth like silk. The man spoke in a beautiful British accent and even though I didn’t know who he was by his voice, I knew he was someone of importance. I looked up at Justin first and he swallowed hard, his face turning powder white.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” he answered quickly. I felt his hands start to sweat in mine and it wasn’t until I looked over at the man that I realized why he was getting so nervous.

Paul McCartney was standing mere inches from me. I’ve never been one to get star struck. I grew up in Los Angeles and saw celebrities daily. But there was something about Paul McCartney; maybe his silk voice, or his glowing smile, or just the fact that he is Paul fucking McCartney of the fucking Beatles! My hands started to get sweaty themselves, and paired with Justin’s I felt my hand slide out of his.

“I’m sorry,” he answered quietly. I never imagined he would have such a soft voice.  It was soft, yet powerful, “I don’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, not at all,” Justin answered quickly, “It’s an honor.”

“I’m a big fan of yours Justin,” Paul McCartney continued. I looked at Justin and he couldn’t hide the huge grin forming on his face. It was contagious, it made me smile as well, “I’m going to be starting to record for my new album in the next four months. I’d love to do something with you,” he paused and I could hear Justin hyperventilating slightly, “I do mean, if you’re interested.”

“Are you serious?” Justin managed to get out.

“I am indeed serious. Are you interested?”

“Of course, I would absolutely love to be a part of that.”

“Wonderful then. We’ll worry about the details at another time. It was wonderful to meet you,” he shook Justin’s hand and then looked over at me, “Oh, I’m horribly sorry for being so rude. Excuse me please, who is this lovely lady?”

I smiled and grabbed onto his extended hand. Paul McCartney just called me lovely, “I’m Chloe.”

“Chloe, beautiful. The girlfriend?” he looked at Justin. Justin nodded his head and smiled, “She’s beautiful Justin, stunning.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and took a deep breath unable to stop the words that I knew were going to come out of my mouth, “I’m a huge fan. I grew up listening to your music. My mother was a big fan, she always had your music playing.”

“That’s so nice to hear, thank you,” he smiled genuinely. I know he must hear that thousands of times a day, it’s nice to know he is really grateful. “Is she not anymore?” he asked with a smile.

“Oh, she passed away,” I continued quickly. The mention of my mother still makes me teary eyed even after so long. That’s kid of pathetic, I should have been able to move on at least to the point where I can talk about her, “But she listened to your music every day, you made her smile.”

“Oh darling, I’m sorry,” he literally wrapped his arm around me and gave me a hug, “A child needs their mother. I know what it’s like, my mother passed when I was young as well.”

I nodded my head, “I know,” I know just about everything about him.

Paul laughed at my response, “The show’s about to start, I’ll let you get to your seats. When Justin comes to work on the record I expect you’ll be there as well.”

I couldn’t tell if it was a question or a comment. I nodded my head and he gave me another hug, and then gave Justin a hug. Justin then grabbed onto my hand and led me back to my seat.

“That was so cool,” I spoke like a giddy twelve year old, “Paul McCartney.”

“Tell me about it,” he answered back sounding about as giddy as I did, “Paul Fucking McCartney wants to do a song with me.”

“That’s so cool,” I repeated, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you but I like grew up listening to him.”

“No, no way. Please, I was star struck enough that I didn’t even notice. I’m never fucking star struck,” he finished with a chuckle.

“Me neither,” I agreed.

I felt Justin tense up beside me. I looked at him and he had a similar expression as before, yet still different. His face turned white and he started taking quick breathes while moving his hand to rub the back of his neck. I saw a tall brunette walk down the aisle with a taller man’s arms wrapped around her. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that was Justin’s ex-girlfriend. She is beautiful and I hate to say it, but her new boy is absolutely gorgeous. Justin licked his lips and watched the two of them sit down right in front of us. Why would they be seated right in front of us? That seems rather evil.

The ex in front of us combed her hands through her new man’s hair. She giggled and whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. I felt really bad for Justin, who was sitting there unable to look away. It’s trashy to be making out with your boyfriend in a public place like this, especially when there are cameras and it’s going to be on live television. Not even to mention the fact that your ex is sitting right behind you. I realize that’s probably why she’s doing it but it’s trashy nonetheless.

I put my hand in Justin’s lap, rubbing his inner thigh.  He looked at me for a second, “Are you ok?”

Justin nodded his head, “When is this fucking thing going to start?”

I shrugged, but left my hand in his lap. He’s really getting worked up about this girl, and she’s still sitting here, whispering in the other guy’s ear and kissing his neck.  She made eye contact with Justin and smiled, removing her lips from the other guy’s neck. “Hey J!” she smiled happily, turning around, “How are you holding up?”

“What’s up Ash?” Justin’s voice sounded lifeless.

“Well… ya’know,” she smiled and continued in her all too bubbly voice, “Do you know my boyfriend? Matt, Justin; Justin, Matt. He’s a Calvin Klein model.”

Justin nodded his head.

“And who is your little friend?” she glared at me.

“I’m Chloe,” I smiled holding out my hand for her to shake. She just looked at it as if I was handing her a pile of dog shit.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

She laughed at my good manners and rolled her eyes, “I’m sure.”

What a bitch. What could he have possibly seen in her? I mean, she’s pretty but obviously a complete moron.  Luckily the lights went down and the show started, so nobody needed to take part in anymore awkward moments.

The show was pretty boring, just like Justin had warned. He actually won one of the awards though; I thought that was pretty impressive. He’s a totally different person when he’s in the company of people like him; much more gracious and caring.

I felt Justin’s warm breath at my ear before the show was over, “Are you ready to go?”

I nodded my head and he grabbed onto my hand as we snuck out. The limo was already waiting for us.

“Did you want to say?” he asked, “We could have stayed. There’s only so much of those egos I can take.”

“No, it’s ok I was ready.”

Justin nodded his head, “I figured you’d want to get home to check on Brady.”

“Yeah,” I answered with a head nod, “I had fun though. I got to meet Paul McCartney, thanks for taking me.”

Justin smiled, “Yeah, that was fucking amazing,” he admitted leaning his head against mine and effortlessly moving his hands on my legs.

“It was pretty cool,” I agreed, “And you won, that’s impressive.”

I felt his head nodding against me, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“It was a good night.”

“Yup. A good night,” Justin said softly while his fingertips still traced my legs. The limo pulled into his driveway slowly after what seemed like a much shorter ride than getting there had been. Justin helped me out of the limo, “So, do you have to get home to Brady? Or can you come in for a little?”

“I can come in,” I answered without thinking. I need to at least get my things.  He grabbed my hand again, which surprised me. I thought he was doing it before to put on a show. No one is here now, there’s no reason why he’s holding my hand, “Is your mother here?”

“Nah,” he laughed, “She has a place.”

“OK,” he led me up to his room and let go of my hand. He stood in front of me awkwardly. We just looked at each other before he stepped closer to me. I had plenty of warning, I could have moved away. I should have moved away. But instead, I let him kiss me. I let his soft lips touch mine and gently push them apart so his tongue could slide inside my mouth. I let his hands run through my hair and push my head closer to his.

I let my own tongue slide into his mouth and my own hands run through his hair. It was like I couldn’t get enough, I had to have more of him. I’ve had more of him; I’ve had all of him, except for this part. The kissing part that most people share first was the one part of him I’ve never had before this moment. I needed it.

I reached to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt but he picked me up and placed me on the bed before I could finish. He didn’t remove his lips from mine as he put me on the bed. It wasn’t for what seemed like minutes that he moved his lips down my neck and the bare part of my chest that was not covered by the dress I was still wearing.  His hands slid up and down my legs while he slowly removed his lips from my neck and moved down my body, kissing my legs. His hands slid up my legs and his thumbs slid under the elastic of my panties. Slowly, he slid them down my legs, carefully pulling them off over my heels.

My heart was already beating quickly. Justin pushed my dress up so I couldn’t see anything except the bottom of my dress. He was hidden underneath it. I felt his hands on my thighs, “Come on baby girl let me in. Open up.”

He pushed my legs apart and I definitely did not do anything to stop him.  I felt his tongue on my clit and felt my body begin to tremble. I clenched my dress with my hands.  I’m feeling claustrophobic. I need to get out of this dress. But oh fuck, it feels so good.

I felt a slender finger slide inside me and almost lost it right there. I moaned loudly while Justin slid his finger in and out before adding another. I started panting and knew it was only a matter of seconds before I would explode.

“Justin! Justin!” I shouted, “Stop!”

“What?” he asked out of shock, pulling his fingers out of me slowly.

“I don’t want to come like that.” Justin laughed at my answer and I could almost see that crooked smile on his face even though I could see no part of him, “I want your cock.”

I heard him chuckle again, “You’ll get my cock, patience.” he licked my clit again.

“Seriously Justin,” I called out, “I don’t want to come like that.”

“Girl, you’re going to be coming all night. Let it go,” and with that he licked me one more time and felt my eyes roll back and I screamed his name.

Justin laughed and lay down next to me, “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

I couldn’t answer him right away; I was too busy trying to catch my breath. I rolled on top of him, unbuttoning his pants, ready to repay the favor. “No,” Justin laughed and pulled me away.

“What?” What has gotten into him that he thinks everything is so funny?

“No,” he repeated with a smile, “It’s not about me tonight. It’s all about you baby, it’s your turn.”

I did not know how to respond to that. He’s calling me ‘baby’ instead of his usual ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, or ‘whore’.  That’s not normal.

“Well then help me out of this dress,” I stood up, “I’m getting claustrophobic.”

Justin gave me a half smile and stood up off the bed.  He pulled my hair up and kissed the back of my neck before slowly unzipping me and kissing down my back as he did so.  He turned me around and kissed my lips gently. I pushed his pants down and continued unbuttoning his shirt from earlier. He helped me slide his shirt off and stepped out of his pants while reaching behind me to unhook my bra. Justin’s hands slid to massage my breasts and I felt him getting hard against me.

His left hand slid to rub between my legs while is right continued massaging my breast. He let out a chuckle as he kissed my neck, biting at it gently, “You’re ready.”

“Come on Justin, just do it.”

“Do what?” he looked into my eyes with a crooked smile.

“Fuck me.” I reached my hand down and grabbed his dick; positioning it at my opening, “Give it to me.”

Justin continued kissing my up my neck and under my ear before whispering in a low, husky voice, “You want me to give it to you?”

“Yes,” I moaned.

“How do you want it?”

“Hard, rough,” I answered back in a whisper, “Make it hurt.”

Justin threw me onto the bed, his hands searching my body. He put his dick inside me rough, pounding inside me; just how I told him I wanted it. My leg was moved for easier access and I ran my hands over his naked body.  The lights were still on and I watched the way his perfect body grinded against mine. His lips found mine, and he continued making out with me while he was fucking me harder than I’d ever been fucked before.

“Oh fuck,” I heard Justin and felt him tense up inside me.

“Oh yeah,” I screamed.  My eyes rolled to the back of my head and my nails dug into Justin’s back. “Fuck Justin.”

“God Chloe!” he shouted as he came inside me.

Justin stayed on top of me for a few seconds before he rolled off me. “Damn, you’ve been holding out on me,” I said with a giggle.

Justin laughed and I felt his lips on my arm, “I’m not done yet. I just need a little break.”

“OK,” I answered softly as he reached over to turn the light off. I couldn’t even think about what had just happened. I was too exhausted. My body was shutting down. I fell asleep.

It was minutes before the sun was going to rise when I woke up. My eyes opened slowly and I felt Justin’s arm over my stomach.  I looked to my left to see him sleeping on his stomach, his left arm resting over me.

What the fuck am I doing?

I carefully moved his hand off me and got out of bed, pulling my clothes on quickly. I grabbed onto the bag I had my extra clothes in and pulled my shoes on when I heard his voice, “You don’t have to go,” his voice was soft, tired, he was still half asleep.

“Yeah, I do. I have to get back to Brady.”

“Mmhmm,” he answered softly, his eyes still closed, “I’ll see you Saturday then?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“OK. Thanks Chlo.”

“Bye Justin.” I grabbed all my things and went right to my car. I’m too tired to think about what had happened in the last 15 hours. I’ll have to analyze everything when I’m fully conscious. 

 

            I got out of the car just as the sun was beginning to shine. I walked up the stairs to my apartment and took a deep breath before opening the door. Brady was asleep on the chair and Kelly was sleeping on the couch.  I took a deep breath, why the fuck did she not put him to bed?

I dropped my bag quietly at the door and picked up my son and slowly put him to bed. I kissed his forehead and pulled the covers over his body. He looks so angelic when he’s sleeping.

I slowly walked back to the living room and saw Kelly wake up, “Thanks a lot Kel, I’m sorry I’m so late.”

She nodded her head, stretching her hands over her head and yawning, “No problem, I’ll call you later.” She was still half asleep as she walked to her room down the hall. 

I plopped myself on the couch and took a deep breath.  There’s no use in going back to sleep now, Brady will be up in a few hours.  Not even like I could sleep if I wanted to. I stood up and made myself some coffee; I’m definitely going to need some of that.  I sat back on the couch, looking into the blank television in front of me.

Ok, let’s review the facts. I went to Justin’s house and his mother was there. He told his mother I was his girlfriend. That’s weird. He says he panicked but what kid of a guy is still afraid of his mother when he’s 27? That’s strange. Then she treats me like I am his girlfriend and she’s been waiting to meet me for months.

So the whole situation at his house was pretty uncomfortable and strange. Let’s move on. Then we drove to the show, where in the limo he told me not to speak and was a complete asshole. We walk the carpet, I don’t speak, and he yells at me for not speaking only after he tells a camera that is broadcasting live to the whole would that I am his girlfriend. That was never part of the plan. Then we go inside, he’s an asshole, so I put him in his place. 

And then something happened. It was like somebody spiked his drink to make him a normal person.  Maybe it was Paul McCartney. But he actually apologized and then really was a thousands time cooler than he’s ever been.

I know he was nervous. I know he was worried about his ex-girlfriend.  Maybe that’s why he was being such an asshole. There has to be something going on with that. He’s obviously still into her.

But then there’s the whole reason for my confusion. Why am I the one that he’s asking for company? I was the one girl at the strip club that had no idea what I was doing, the one girl without any experience. And he picked me. And he came back for me, even after I proved to him that I had no clue.

That’s not even the issue. Why did he come to a strip club in the first place? Well, I mean why does he come back? Guys go to strip clubs, but he comes every week by himself, only when I’m supposed to be working. He could have any girl he wanted but he comes to me, so he can pay me to do what other girls would do for free.

And why did he call me baby!?! He calls me a bitch and a whore or a skank and here he is calling me baby, and baby girl? That’s not normal.  What was up with him saying it was my night, my turn?  He’s paying me to do things to him, why is he trying to do things for me?

I can’t handle this.  Maybe it’s just all in my head. I don’t know. All I know is that it needs to stop. I need to be done with him.

I must have dozed off because I felt Brady jumping on the couch next to me, “Mommy! Wake up Mommy!”

            I opened my eyes and pulled him in my arms, “My Monkey. Morning hunny, did you have a good night?”

            “Mmhmm” he giggled and tried to get out of my grip but I wouldn’t let him go.

            “I missed you.”

            “Where was you?”

            “I had to go out,” I answered, quickly changing the subject, “Want to go see Nana today?”

            “Yeah!” he managed to get out of my grip and jumped around some more, “I made her a new picture!”

            Saturday came and went. I think it would be a good idea for me to stay away from Justin for a little while. Maybe I’ll go back next Saturday. He confused me too much. One day he’s rude and calling me names and then the next he’s trying to please me in bed. It doesn’t make sense. I need time to think about it and I think he does too.

            It was Tuesday morning after I dropped Brady off at school. He was allowed back yesterday, and all the teachers said he was wonderful. I made him make the little boy he punched a card to apologize. I really hope Brady learned his lesson; I don’t want to have to punish him again.

            I was just finishing cleaning the apartment. I’ve been neglecting that for a while and it was starting to look like a disaster area. It was finally so clean it was sparkling. I’m a bit of a neat freak, so I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did. That’s just proof I need to stay away from Justin.

            I heard a knock on the door and stopped in my tracks, who would be knocking on my door? I opened the door and saw Justin.

“Hey,” he smiled.

“What are you doing here?” I asked the first question that came to my mind.

“Today is actually uh, Tuesday. Saturday was that day… three days ago.”

“What are you doing here?” I repeated.

“You forgot your purse,” he held it up, “I was going to give it to you Saturday, that day three days ago, but you weren’t there.”

“Thank you,” I took the bag from his hand. It’s not really my bag, it’s the bag I wore to the show, I don’t need it, “They gave you my address at the club?” that’s a little fucked up.

“No,” he shook his head, “You left your purse at my house,” he repeated, I don’t know why he feels the need to repeat that, what does it even have to do with anything? “Your license has your address. Since I don’t have your phone number and you didn’t go to the club Saturday, like you said you would, I had no other way to get in touch with you so, here I am.”

“You can’t come here.”

Justin looked at me for a second before I saw a smile slide on his face, “You didn’t need your license?”

“I said thank you.”

“Well, you’re welcome,” Justin smiled and walked right past me and into my apartment.

He sat down on my couch, “Can we talk?”

“Not now, I have to go get Brady.”

Justin nodded his head, but didn’t get up, “When?”

I shrugged and played with the ring on my finger, “Some other time.”

“Yeah, like maybe Saturday?” he gave me a crooked smile. He’s trying to be funny; since I wasn’t there last Saturday he knows damn well I won’t be there this Saturday either.

“Look, I don’t know but I have to go get Brady.”

“He’s allowed back in school?” he asked with that cocky smile on his face.

“That’s funny, really. Hilarious,” I answered sarcastically. Justin seems to think he’s quite funny. And he’s still sitting on my couch. I grabbed my bag and walked to the door, “Seriously. I have to go.”

Justin nodded his head and finally stood up, “Well look, I got you a phone.” He grabbed a cell phone from his pocket and held it out for me.

“I have a phone. Come on,” I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of my apartment.

“You have a phone, but you won’t give me the number. Will you give me your number?” I shook my head and Justin let out a quick chuckle, “Then take my phone.”           

“I don’t need two phones.”

He took a deep breath, “You know it’s me when it rings, if you don’t want to talk to me don’t answer.”

I grabbed it from his hand so he’d leave me alone before I got in my car.

Justin grabbed onto the door so I couldn’t close it, “I know where you live but you won’t give me your phone number.”

“I didn’t tell you where I live.”

“You left your license.”

“OK. I have to go.”  Justin shut my door and I let out a sigh of relief. I really don’t like that he knows where I live. I turned the key in the ignition but it wouldn’t turn over. This is just my luck, it’s like someone is out to get me. Brady gets out of school in ten minutes, there is no way I’m going to make it if I have to wait for AAA, they take forever. Even if I call a cab it won’t be here in time.

There was a tapping on my door and I opened the window, “Won’t start?” I shook my head and Justin had a smug smile on his face, “I can give you a jump, but you have to go get Brady. So I’ll take you, come on.”

My head shook automatically as I weighed the options. Justin giving me a ride was pretty much the only option, although I really didn’t want Brady to see him again.

“Or you could use that new cell phone and call a cab,” he suggested with a half smile.

It’s possible that I opened the door a little harder than necessary so I could hit him in the leg. Justin laughed and I followed him to his Jurassic Park Jeep.  “Thank you,” I said softly as I climbed in.

“You need a new car.”

I gave him a dirty look and he laughed, “That’s at the bottom of my list of things I need, but thanks.”

“So, is there a reason why you’re avoiding me? I mean, I thought everything was good.”

I broke him off; “Take a left at the light.”

“OK,” Justin nodded his head and smiled, “We can play it like that.”

“Right at the stop sign, and it’s that building right there,” Justin pulled into the parking lot.  “Thanks.”

He nodded his head, “I’ll be out here.”

Why did he just show up at my house like that? I mean, I’m glad he did now that my car broke down but still; he shouldn’t have just shown up.

Brady saw me and came running over, “Mommy! Hi Mommy!”

I grabbed him in my arms, “Were you good? Was he good?”

His teacher nodded her head, “He was great, he’s been doing great,” she smiled and rubbed his head.

“Good, he better be,” I smiled and grabbed onto his hand, “Thank you, we’ll see you tomorrow. Brady say bye to your teacher.”

“Bye!” Brady waved.

I had to remind myself to breathe as I walked outside. I knew Brady would be excited to see Justin, but I didn’t want him to be. I probably should have told him to leave and we could take a cab back.

From the second we stepped outside I heard Brady breathe in quick, “Mommy! It’s Justin! And the Jurassic Park Car! Are we going on a dinosaur hunt? It’s cause I was good huh?” Brady was smiling and waving at Justin and Justin did the same. “Hi Justin!” Brady shouted and continued waving, “Are we going on a dinosaur hunt?”

Justin laughed, “Not today Tec, someday though.”

“Justin is just taking us home,” I said as I helped him in the back seat.

He nodded his head, “That’s all. Unless you guys are hungry, I could get you lunch.”

I knew he wouldn’t just take me to pick up Brady. I don’t understand why he keeps trying to get involved in my life.

“I’m hungry!” Brady answered, “I’m real hungry Mommy.”

“I know you are Monkey but I already ate so I’ll make you something when we get home.”

Justin smiled, as if he knew I would give an excuse. “What do you think Lie Detector?”

Brady giggled, “I think she hungry.”

“Me too,” Justin nodded his head, “But even if you’re not Chloe, we can vote. It’s two to one, we win.”

“No,” I shook my head, “I count for two, I’m the mother.”

“Alright,” Justin laughed, “Then it’s tied, but I’m driving so I’m the tie breaker. I’ll let you pick where we go,” he smiled.

“OK, just lunch.”

“That’s all I want. Where to?”

“McDonalds!” Brady shouted from the back.

“No!” I shouted back with a laugh, “I am so sick of McDonalds.”

“I’ll tell you what Brady. I know this real good place down the street that has burgers even better than McDonalds.” Justin looked back at Brady.

“Yay! And maybe we can see da dinosaurs on the way!”

“Does that sound good Chloe? Just lunch.” He looked really sexy the way he looked at me, it was like I couldn’t help but nod my head. Justin could tell what I was thinking and he laughed. It’s like he can read my mind. I hate that. 

 

The burger place down the street happened to be Lucky Devil’s in Hollywood, home of the fifteen-dollar burgers. Brady was impressed with the high tech atmosphere but I was just confused.

“Why did you take us all the way to Hollywood?” I asked after sitting down.

“It’s the best burgers around,” Justin smiled.

I nodded my head but honestly I’m a little upset he took us this far. I don’t get him; I wish I could understand what’s going on in his head. “Do you want a cheeseburger or a grilled cheese?” I asked my son.

“Cheeseburger” he answered quickly looking through the menu as if he could read it. I looked around at other people eating their enormous burgers and decided quickly that there is no way Brady would eat that. This is not exactly the burgers little kids like.  When the waitress came I ordered a grilled cheese for me and a burger for Brady, although I’m sure it will be the other way around when the food comes.

“How’s the fishing going kid?” Justin asked as he grabbed a crayon and started coloring on his placemat like Brady was already doing.

Brady giggled, “Bad. Mommy said we can’t go.”

“Why can’t you go?”

“She scared of da fishies.”

Justin chuckled before looking up at me from the placemat, “What?”

“I can’t take them off the hook.” I answered honestly, “They’re all slimly and gross.”

Justin threw his head back as he laughed. Brady giggled along with him while I took a sip from my water. The way Brady looks at Justin worries me. Justin is like he’s his hero, and he’s not exactly someone I want my son to aspire to be like.  It seems like I always get myself caught up in these situations with Justin. He tricks me into doing something and then I get the feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach. I should not let Brady have any contact with him; he’s already getting attached.

The waitress placed Brady’s milkshake in front of him, “Can we get our food to go? And maybe a cup for the milkshake too?”

“Aww, come on Chloe, I’m only kidding,” Justin stopped laughing and turned his gaze to the waitress, “We don’t need boxes, we’re all set.” 

“It’s not that. I just think Brady and I should get back,” I made sure not to use the word we so Justin wouldn’t assume he was part of the word, “I have to get my car fixed and-“

“I’ll look at your car when we get back,” he wouldn’t let me come up with any more excuses, “Relax, enjoy yourself.”

I took a sip from my water and tried to do exactly what he said. “How’s the milkshake Monkey?” I laughed looking as my son’s cheeks that were caved in as he tried to suck the thick milkshake from the straw.

“I can’t get it!”

“OK hunny, let me help,” I took the milkshake in my hand and shook it around, “We just need to wait for it to melt a little.”

“Or you could eat it with a spoon,” Justin held a spoon out. I haven’t seen Brady’s’ face light up that much in a long time, and all it took was a little spoon. I thought we were about to witness a tantrum.  Justin smiled at me and shrugged, “I’ll take you fishing sometime Tec,” I gave him a look and he returned it, “You don’t want that pole to go to waste. You can come.”

I let out a sigh of relief as the food came. Brady took one look at his burger and looked up at me, “Kind of big huh?” I asked with a chuckle, “Want to share my grilled cheese?”

“Mommy, it’s big and yucky!” he pushed it away.

“I know,” I put the grilled cheese in front of him, “This is more your speed.”

“Sorry, I thought-“

“It’s ok,” I smiled at Justin as I took a bite of the burger. He couldn’t have known little kids only like little burgers, the kind from McDonalds that have more bun than actual burger.

“We can get you another grilled cheese,” he offered.

I shook my head, “I wanted the burger.”

“Ah,” Justin laughed and nodded his head, “Sneaky.”

“Smart,” I corrected him.

Justin smiled at me and then looked back at his burger, “So Tec, how’s school going?”

“Good, I’m good. I’m not bad, huh Mommy? I can go swimming and I can play cause I’m good.” Brady nodded his head pulling the grilled cheese apart.

“That’s good, I’m glad. You’re keeping your hands to yourself?” Brady nodded his head, “Good boy.” I’m a little surprised Justin just said that, he told me it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe Brady will listen to Justin, I’m just so nervous he going to turn into a punk.

“I’m a real good boy, huh Mommy?” Brady asked me as he took a bite of his sandwich. I nodded my head, “I’m done, I don’t want no more,” he pushed it away.

“Then you better get working on that milkshake huh?” Justin smiled as he took a bite from his sandwich. Why is Justin being so nice and like… mature? He’s acting like an adult and he’s trying to help me with Brady. When we went to get my dress he did keep Brady occupied, but now he’s acting like he’s his father or something. I’m not ok with that.

Justin finished his burger and I stopped even though I wasn’t done because I’m ready to go home. This whole thing is just making me feel uncomfortable. He insisted on paying and I didn’t really object. He did take us here without my knowledge or permission.

As we walked out of the restaurant there was a crowd of people waiting for Justin to come out.  They had cameras and were shouting from the second he stepped out. Brady looked scared to death so I picked him up and covered his face. The last thing I need is his face in magazines. This is absolutely ridiculous.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would be this crazy,” Justin said as he tried to back out of a spot with all those people standing around the cars taking pictures.

I ignored Justin, I don’t really accept his apology, he had to have known this would happen. Hell, I know it happens. I’ve been to Hollywood before. I know how crazy the paparazzi are and I know they spot people like they have a celebrity detector and find them from miles away.

“Brady, hunny. Put your hands over your face ok? Like this,” I looked back and covered my face with my hands. He did the same; the poor kid is so scared he’ll do whatever I tell him to do.  I put my purse up to cover my head, “He’s scared to death.” I said softly.

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think they’d…” he paused to beep the horn, “Move out of the fucking way asshole.”

“Please don’t talk like that in front of him.”

“Yeah, sorry. They won’t move.” He looked back, “Don’t worry Tec, they’re not going to hurt anybody.”

He managed to back out and sped out of the parking lot and down the street. I felt my heart in my throat, “Can you not drive like a crazy person? There’s a child in the car.”

“Sorry,” he apologized once again, “I don’t want them to follow us.” We drove in silence for a while; well it was more like me hanging on for my life as Justin weaved in and out of lanes.

“Please, slow down.”

“Alright,” he answered softly and finally drove at a normal speed. “I don’t think I should take you home because then they’ll know where you live. You don’t want them knowing where you live, trust me.”

I took a deep breath and looked out the window, I feel like I’m in a nightmare, “Then what are we going to do? Ride around all night?”

“I don’t know. We can go somewhere. Isn’t there an indoor playground up the street?”

“Can’t they come in?”

He shook his head, “they can’t go in a building.”

“Fine,” I answered quietly. I feel like this is all part of his plan. He pulled into a parking garage along with the cars that were following us. They may not be allowed in the building but they sure as hell seem to be allowed in the parking garage. I couldn’t even see with all the flashes. Brady wouldn’t let me hold him; instead he wanted to walk with Justin. I didn’t argue because there were so many people and I figure we just need to get in the building as soon as we can, but I wish he wouldn’t.

“Brady, hunny, come with me,” I grabbed onto his hand as Justin went over to talk to the owner. I sat on the bench and pulled him close to me, “be careful ok? And be nice, don’t play rough.”

“I won’t Mommy, I’m good, memba?”

“Of course,” I smiled, he’s so adorable. I took his shoes off and tapped my lips with my finger. Brady giggled and kissed me quickly. I don’t want him to ever grow up. “Go Monkey, have fun.” I slapped his bum and he ran up the slide like he’s been waiting years.

Justin finished talking to the owner and jumped in the ball pit. He ran around and played with Brady like he was five too. It was kind of cute actually. Brady was having a ball.

“Alright Tec, I’m going to go play with Mom now.”

Brady giggled, “No suh, Mommy’s not playing.”

Justin laughed, “OK, then I’m going to go talk to her. One more time, come on,” he picked Brady up and threw him in the ball pit before coming over and sitting down next to me.

“He’s having fun.”

“Yeah,” he nodded his head and laughed, “I’m having fun too,” he looked at me and I smiled, “You’re not having fun though.”

“It's just weird being followed like that.”

“I know, it sucks. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would be like that.”

Why do I have a feeling he’s playing dumb? “Justin, we’re in Hollywood. I’ve never been followed by paparazzi but even I knew they’d be here.”

“You think I did this on purpose?”

“I didn’t say that. All I know is that you just showed up at my apartment and then I go to leave and my car doesn’t start. Then you take me, just to pick up Brady and that turns into you taking us to dinner, in Hollywood, where we’re followed by a hundred paparazzi.”

“So I’m a stalker that breaks cars, is what you’re saying,” he’s getting pissed off and honestly he has no right to.

“I didn’t say that. I just think it’s weird. This whole thing is weird.”

“What whole thing is weird?”

Can he honestly not get it? I can’t be the only one that sees how strange this is. “Everything.  Like how we met, and you kept coming back. Why did you keep coming back?” I didn’t wait for a response;  “I mean you pay me for things you could get for free. And then there’s the whole way you talk to me when we’re there. Then you ask me to come to the show with you and you meet my son. And you try to get close to him. And you tell your mom I’m your girlfriend and like the whole world when we were on the red carpet. You were like a complete asshole there and then like a switch went off and you started acting like a good guy. And then we go back to your house and you call me baby, and tell me it’s all about me. It’s weird Justin. I’m just supposed to see you at the club. You’re not supposed to know my son; you’re not supposed to get into my life like this. It’s like your obsessed or something.”

Justin’s face went white when I said the last sentence and I immediately regretted it. “I’m not obsessed,” he answered in a whisper before standing up, “get your kid, I’m taking you home.”

I watched Justin walk away, now I feel bad. “Come on Brady, it’s time to go.”

“But I don’t wanna!”

“Not now sweetie. It’s late, you have school tomorrow, let’s go.”

Brady is getting to the age that he can tell when I’m serious and when not to whine. Thank goodness, I couldn’t deal with that right now. I put his shoes on and we went to the car where Justin was already sitting. I helped Brady in and we drove back to my apartment in complete silence. No one followed us; in fact they were all gone by the time we left. Justin stopped in front of the apartment, still not saying a word.

I got out of the car and helped Brady out, “What do you say?”

“Thank you Justin!” he crawled up to give Justin a hug.

“Yeah, no problem. See you later kid.”

“Thank you,” I answered softly. He just nodded his head as a response for me.

I grabbed Brady’s hand and walked to our apartment. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mommy! Mooommy!” I opened my eyes to see Brady’s smiling face.

I closed my eyes again, “Hi sweetie.”

He giggled, “Hi. How come you not up? I gotta go to school Mommy!”

“Oh, crap.” I shot up and looked at the clock. I can’t believe I didn’t set my alarm last night.

“You said oh crap! That’s a bad word Mommy!”

“I know hunny, I’m sorry. Let’s get you ready.”

Brady hummed as I got him ready, at least someone’s in a good mood. I just can’t get the look on Justin’s face when I called him obsessed out of my head. I didn’t mean to say obsessed.  But the whole thing is weird; I don’t know how he thinks it’s normal.

“Mommy, memba when Justin said ‘THAT’S A BIG BURGER!’? And then he said it’s bigger than my head” Brady giggled, “Memba Mommy?” I nodded my head. “How about today, after school, he come over and we go swimming?”

“I don’t think so hunny. Come on, eat your breakfast.”

He kept quiet for a second as he ate his cereal, but I could tell the wheels in his brain were turning trying to think of more to say about Justin.  “OR we could go fishin’ he said he’d take me fishin’ cause he’s not scared of da fishies like you.”

“I don’t see you taking them off the hook, you were scared too,” I answered with a smile.

Brady giggled, “That’s cause I little! I’m scared, that’s ok but you’re a big girl.”

I laughed as I put the milk away. At least he’s happy. “Come on Monkey, you’re going to be late.”

“Or we could just go on a dinosaur hunt. What are we going to do today?”

“I don’t know, maybe we can go swimming if it stays nice out.”

“OK. I go to school and you call Justin and then he can pick me up in the Jurassic Park car again and we can go get McDonalds this time, and then go swimming.”

I took a deep breath; I’m already getting sick of him talking about Justin. “No hunny, stop. No Justin today. We are going to go swimming just us. We need some serious Mommy and Monkey time.”

“But I want Justin to come! He’s so cool Mommy, he’s so cool.”

What is going on with him today? “I know sweetie, he’s so cool. Are you ready? Come on.”

It wasn’t until I stood in front of my car that I realized it didn’t work. I looked at my watch to see school started in ten minutes and there is no possible way we can walk there on time, or even call a cab.  I took a deep breath and put Brady in the car seat. Maybe I’m just an idiot and it will work. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed for it to work before turning the key. Surprisingly enough it started. Justin fixed it last night? Is that possible?

First of all, I didn’t know he could fix cars. And if he can, why didn’t he just do that earlier. Ok, I’m being greedy; he didn’t have to fix it. In fact, if someone called me obsessed I sure as hell would not fix her car. I would probably slice the tires instead.

 

Two days later, and Brady is still talking about Justin as if he’s the president. This is exactly the reason why I didn’t want them spending time together. And now, it’s been two days and I wouldn’t be surprised if Justin never talked to me again. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I know how I should feel. I should be happy if I never see him again. That’s kind of what I wanted. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

I find myself watching the cell phone Justin got me, waiting for it to ring. He was really upset. I really do feel bad. Soon it was Saturday night, and although I haven’t been to the club in awhile, I feel like I need to go. Justin will be there for sure, and we obviously need to talk.

My stomach still gets knots in it when I walk into the club. I’ve been doing this for months and I’m still not used to it.  The idea of rubbing and grinding up against a stranger is enough to make me sick. Especially when they put their hands on me. I guess it’s all part of the job. The pay is good, but I’ve been spoiled with Justin because not everyone gives me that much. Actually, he’s the only one that gives me that much… or anywhere near that much.

I sat in the back, finishing up my makeup with my heart beating like a drum. For some reason, I feel extra nervous today. I know it probably has something to do with Justin, but I don’t want to admit that, so I’ll just say it’s because I haven’t been here in awhile. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him when I see him, maybe he’ll just pretend nothing happened.

As the night went on without any sight of Justin I started to worry. I must have hurt him more than I thought.  He has been like a totally different person, but I can’t get the bad things out of my mind. Maybe he is a good guy. Maybe I need to relax a little and let him in. But what if he’s not? It’s not fair for me to never trust another man because of Brady’s father, but I can’t let that happen again. Especially without my mother to help me get through it, and let’s face it I don’t have many friends that I can turn to in situations like this. it’s not even about me.  It’s Brady, his heart would be broken if something happened between us. Even now, after not seeing Justin for a few days his heart is already close to being broken.

Why do I get myself in situations like this?

“Chloe,” I heard a voice, waking me from my thoughts, “You’re wanted in a private. Room four.”

I nodded my head, standing up and fixing my hair. I pulled the panties out of my butt crack and fixed the corset. As I walked I pulled up my knee-highs and took a deep breath before walking into the room to see Justin.

At least, I was fully expecting to see Justin but I did not. The man sitting in the chair was far from Justin. The older man was balding and wearing a suit. He smiled when he saw me and invited me over to give him a lap dance. As I danced for the middle-aged man, I thought of nothing but Justin. This was very different from when I dance for him.  I hate to say it but I kind of do miss him.

For the rest of the night I hid out in the back. I didn’t make money, but there was no way I was going to just go out there dancing for people. Something hit me suddenly, and I realized I couldn’t do this anymore. What happens when Brady grows up and finds out his mother is a stripper? There’s no excuse for me to be doing this, it’s not even like I’m making a lot of money. I only make a lot when it’s Justin. I’ve been so spoiled because all I had to do was go in the room with him and get enough money to pay months or rent. But now I have to go out and actually work for it, I’m not ok with that.

Justin never showed up. I’m more upset about that than I should be. It’s not like we had plans, I guess now I know how he felt when I didn’t show up.  When I got home I fell right onto my bed.  I should not be feeling this lost without him. There’s no reason for it.

“Mommy?” I heard Brady’s soft voice and looked up to see him leaning against the doorframe in his Spiderman pajamas clutching tightly onto his teddy bear.

“What are you doing up Monkey?”

Brady crawled into bed with me before he answered, “I can’t sleep. I’m sad.”

I wrapped my arms around his small body and kissed the top of his head, “Why are you sad?”

“I miss Justin. How come he don’t come no more?  I’ll eat the whole burger this time Mommy, I promise.”

Great, now Brady thinks it’s his fault. As if this situation could get any worse. “Brady it’s not that. He’s just really busy.”

“Oh,” he answered softly, about to doze off.

“You really like Justin, don’t you?”

“Yeah!” he’s awake now, “Know why Mommy?” I shook my head, but he wasn’t waiting for a response, “Cause he’s nice. He’s real nice and he’s funny. And he helped me with my milkshake. And because he has a Jurassic Park car and cause he’s gonna take me fishing. And cause he calls me Tec,” he paused to giggle, “And he said you was so pretty.”

“He did not say that.”

“Yeah huh,” Brady sat up, “When you was getting your dress. After you left he said: your mommy is beautiful.”

I don’t know what to say about that. “Lay down hunny, it’s late,” I ran my hands through Brady’s hair when he got back on the bed. That’s really sweet of Justin to say that. “What else did he say when I was trying on my dress?”

“Oh! He said how he goes to his old house, with his Mommy, and he’s got a whole jungle outside. And sometimes he sees lions, and tigers, and bears,” Brady paused to giggle, “Just like in The Wizard of Oz. He even said it, Oh my, he said, lions and tigers and bears oh my! And then he said he goes froggin and he catches frogs this big! He says they’re bigger than my head Mommy. And once he caught a fish bigger than me. Do you think he really did Mommy? Are there really fish bigger than me?”

“I don’t know, that sounds kind of big.”

“Yeah,” he giggled, “and he said he gets ta go swimming in a lake and he can jump off a rock into it. And he can go on a boat and fish. On a real boat!”

It’s hard to picture Justin swimming in a lake and catching frogs. He doesn’t strike me as the outdoorsy type. I probably feel that way because he’s a world famous pop star and has like 8 cars and a huge mansion with 9 bathrooms.

Brady kept telling me his favorite things about Justin, and all the different stories he told him. I’m a little surprised Brady remembers everything; I didn’t realize they spent that much time sharing stories. I don’t know where I was during all that time.

One week later and we still hadn’t heard anything from Justin. It was Saturday night, and I decided to give it one ore try.  If Justin doesn’t show up then I need to just get over it and move on. Although I could call him, but I feel like it’s up to him. He’s the one that’s mad at me.

I sat in the back of the club, hiding out for most of the night. I knew if he came in someone would come get me and I can’t pull myself to go out there for anyone other than him.  I watched the minutes pass on my cell phone; it wasn’t until 1:55, when we close at 2, that Brandy came in.

“Hey, you got a private.” She sat down next to me and put her hair up before looking over at me, “fix yourself up Hun, you look like shit.  It’s him,” she finished with a smile.

I nodded my head as I stood up, straightening myself out. My hands are shaking. It’s been more than two weeks since I’ve seen him, maybe he forgot about everything I said.

            The door to our usual room was cracked open. When I walked in he was sitting in the chair, but did not have a drink in his hand like every other night I walk in to see him. Justin wasn’t even looking up at me; he had his head down and was running his hands through his hair.

            “Hey stranger,” I said with a smile as I walked towards him.

            “Hey,” he answered softly, still not looking up at me.  I stood over his lap and placed a hand on each of his shoulders, pushing him back so he wasn’t slouched over.  He put up his hand, “Stop. Don’t. I don’t want that.” I looked at him with surprise and stepped back, “Sit,” he pointed to the chair on the other side of the small room.

            I did as I was told, keeping my eyes glued to him. “What’s wrong?”

            Justin shook his head, “I’m not here for that.” He still won’t look at me, it’s like I killed his cat or something.

            There were a few seconds of silence before he finally spoke, “Alright, I got a letter from Paul McCartney saying he wants me to go to his show Thursday and then he wants to talk to me about doing a song.”

            “That’s great Justin, that’s so cool.”

            “Yeah,” he broke in, he doesn’t sound very excited. He was freaking out about Paul McCartney last time but now he acts like it’s not even a big deal. “He said, in the handwritten note, that I need to make sure I bring my lovely girlfriend or not to bother coming.”

            “He remembered me?” my face lit up, in fact I’m pretty sure my whole life just got brighter. I can’t believe Paul McCartney knows who I am.

            “Apparently.”

            “You don’t sound excited, that’s so awesome Justin. Really, that’s like big time.” I’m aware that Justin is still not looking at me. He’s staring at the floor like it’s one of those magic eye tricks. “I’ll definitely go, if you want me to.” That has to be why he’s here, I doubt he came just to tell me.

            “How’s the kid?” Justin asked quietly, but with real concern.

            “Good, he’s good. He misses you, he talks about you all the time.”

            “Yeah, alright. It’s Thursday, I’ll pick you up at seven. I mean, can I pick you up? Or is that stalking?” he gazed at me now, looking right into my eyes, “Do you want to meet in a parking lot somewhere?” There was not a hint of sarcasm in his voice, he wasn’t joking around he was completely serious.

            “No, pick me up.”

            “You’re sure? I mean, I don’t want you thinking I’m up to something.”

            “I’m really sorry about before. I didn’t mean…”

            Justin stood up and walked to the door, breaking me off before I could finish apologizing. “Yeah, great. I’ll see you Thursday.” The door was slammed and Justin was gone before I could say anything else.

 

 

            “Brady, I swear, if you do not sit down and relax we are not going swimming for a year!” He’s driving me absolutely crazy, bouncing off the walls. I’m tired enough, it is Sunday morning, but for some reason Brady is super hyper today.

            There was a knock on the door and Brady shot up, running to the door, “I’ll get it! I’ll answer!”

            “No!” I called out to him, the last thing I need is to have my five-year-old son answer the door to a complete stranger. I’m not expecting anyone, and I don’t want him getting kidnapped, I would die. “Relax. Sit. Eat your pancakes and chill. Sometimes you make me think there’s something wrong with you, Monkey.”

            Brady giggled and sat back down, watching the door carefully.

            I opened it slowly, and a man with dirty brown hair stood in front of me. He was wearing a black t-shit, showing off arms full of tattoos and a pair of jeans. “Can I help you?”

            “Chloe?”

            Am I supposed to know this man? “Um…”

            “I’m Trace, a friend of Justin’s,” he held his hand out and I took it, “He wanted me to bring you…”

            “Justin?” Brady shouted and ran to the door before I could stop him, “You’re his friend? How come he’s not coming? Come on, come on,” he grabbed onto Trace’s hand and dragged him inside, “Want some pancakes?”

            “Brady,” I called out giving him a look. Please tell me he did not just invite this man into my house.

            “I’m, I’m all set man, thanks though.”

            “But Mommy, we have extras. You just said you made too many, now Justin’s friend can help us eat them!”

            Trace laughed, “I see what he’s talking about with the lie detector.”

            Brady giggled as a response, “Justin calls me Tec!”

            “OK, Brady, thank you. Would you like some pancakes, Trace?”

            “Uh… sure.”

            “You can come in,” I said as I walked to the kitchen, Brady grabbed onto his hand again and led him inside. I threw some pancakes on a plate, poured him a cup of coffee and sat down at the table next to Brady.

            “How come you’re here? How come Justin’s not here? Tell him I said hi and I miss him and Mommy STILL won’t take me fishin. And then tell him that I’ll eat the whole burger if he comes back, and then we can go on a dinosaur hunt and then we can go back to that park and then we can go swimming.”

            “I might need to write all that down,” Trace said with a chuckle.

            “Brady, hunny. Please.”

            “Please, and thank you,” he smiled before stuffing a forkful of pancakes in his mouth.

            “He’s usually not this hyper, he’s in a rare form,” I felt the need to explain.

            “Nah, it’s cool. I’m sorry to just barge in, Justin wanted me to give you-“

            “Does he fix cars?”

            Brady ran and jumped on the couch when he heard the Sponge Bob theme song and I let out a sigh of relief. This is getting too hectic and I’m about to scream.

            “Does Justin fix cars?” he asked, giving me a strange look when I nodded my head, “He can change tires, he’s no mechanic but he knows his way around somewhat.”

            “Did he fix my car?”

            “Oh, yeah,” he smiled, “I was wondering what that had to do with anything. It was just the battery, I guess you left your lights on.”

            “So he did fix it?”

            Trace nodded his head. Why would Justin fix my car after I said what I did? Why didn’t he just leave and let me deal with it, especially since he won’t even talk to me now. “Can you tell him I said thank you?”

            “I will.”

            “Thanks,” I answered softly, “Can I get you anything else?”

            “No, I’m fine, I shouldn’t even… I just came to give you-“

            “Will you tell him I’m sorry too? And he can stop by sometime, maybe before the concert or something, anytime really. Or call,” I stopped myself when I realized how desperate I was sounding.

            “I will. I’ll try. I’ve been trying. I’m on your side, girl. Believe me, I’ll do anything to get him to stop moping around the house.”

            “He’s been moping around the house?”

            Trace nodded his head and laughed, “He’s weirdly sensitive, and he acts like a chick sometimes.” I don’t know exactly how to react to that. I didn’t know he would take it that way, I didn’t know what kind of a relationship we had.  “I shouldn’t have told you that. Forget I said it.”

            “It’s just really difficult for me.”

            “Yeah, of course,” he broke in before I could finish explaining, “You have a kid, that complicates things. You have to look out for the kid, number one.  I get that. He gets it too.  He’s just really fucking stubborn sometimes.”

            I laughed and nodded my head, “I am too.”

            “Yeah, of course,” Trace smiled and stood up, “he’s going to kill me if I don’t get back soon. So, what I came here for, Justin wanted me to give you this.”

            He handed me an envelope and I opened it to find money, lots of money, “What is this for?”

            “A dress. He said to tell you to get a dress.”

            I feel kind of guilty taking his money. I know that’s what out relationship is based on, but it’s weird now.  Obviously, at the beginning it was expected but now I feel like I’m being a gold digger. “I have a dress. I don’t need his money,” I held the envelope out but Trace held his hands up.

            “Girl, you’re going to get me in trouble. Just take the money, he’s got enough to spare,” he smiled, “It was nice meeting you Chloe. I’ll try talking to him, I’ll keep working on it.”

            “Thanks Trace, it’s nice to meet you too,” he pulled me into a hug and then I led him to the door.

            “WAIT!” Brady screamed and ran to the door, “Wait! Can you give this to Justin?” he handed Trace a picture he drew.

            “Yeah man, no problem.”

            “And this too, come here, come here,” Brady said as he motioned for Trace to get down to his level. Trace squatted down and Brady gave him a hug. Not just a hug, a real hug, the kind of hug a little boy gives someone he really loves.  He even closed his eyes real tight like he was making a wish and pretending that Trace was actually Justin.   My heart broke a little; I’ve never seen Brady hug anyone like that before. Trace was just about as speechless as I was. He stood up and looked right at me and I quickly wiped the tear that I found it’s way down my cheek.

            Trace hugged me quickly and whispered, “That was intense.” I nodded my head and he laughed, “I’ll see you guys later. Bye Brady.”

            “Bye Justin’s friend! Don’t forget!”

            As soon as Trace left Brady kept talking and talking all about Justin and now Trace too and how Trace was going to tell Justin everything. I couldn’t really speak I need to think. I grabbed onto Brady and managed to tell him we were going to go to the playground. At least there he’ll be running around on his own, although it will probably be loud enough that I won’t get any thinking done.

            Brady ran right to the jungle gym and I sat on a bench. The main reason why I don’t want to get close to Justin is because I’m afraid he’s going to get too close to Justin. Based on today, I’d say it’s too late to worry about that.  But now the question is if he would hurt more if we don’t see Justin again starting now or if something were to happen later when they’re even closer.

            I’m just so scared that Justin is going to hurt Brady. I can deal with him hurting me, I’m used to being hurt like that, but I can’t watch Brady finally have a male in his life and then it all just goes away.  I still don’t know if I can trust Justin. He seems genuine, and for some reason the fact that Trace came over makes me trust Justin even more. Trace seems like he’s someone that’s not for bullshit, and he’s really looking out for his friend. Plus the fact that he said Justin was moping around all the time. I believe if because of how he acted last night.

            If he is moping around that means there’s more to it. That means he’s more into the relationship, if that’s even what we have. I just really need to talk to him, like real talk. I need to have him sit down with me and we can both scream and get our points across until we figure everything out. We can’t do that though. We can’t because he won’t even talk to me and we obviously can’t fight in front of Brady. I’m just worried about what it’s going to be like on Thursday. Things are going to still be weird and I really don’t want to ruin his chance of recording with Paul McCartney. That would be horrible.

            I honestly have no idea what to do. And it’s not like I have anyone to go to for advice. God, I miss my mother. I know I need to get over the fact that she’s gone, but every single day something happens and I need her. I hate that it’s not getting easier. It’s not fair, it’s supposed to get easier. It doesn’t. 

           

            It was Tuesday when I realized I should probably suck it up and go find a dress.  I doubt I need a gown or something so I just went to the mall.  “OK, now Brady, if you’re good the whole time Mommy’s looking for a dress you can pick out any toy, but only if you’re good. That means no running around, no hiding in the clothing racks, and no whining. Can you handle it, Monkey?”

            Brady nodded his head and smiled, grabbing onto my hand as we walked through the parking lot, “I’m gonna be real good so I can get a bat and a ball so I can play baseball.”

            “That’s a good idea hunny. Did you know I used to play baseball when I was a kid?”

            He giggled, “Did you know that blue is my favorite color?”

            Seriously, I am too lucky. I laughed and picked him up in my arms, kissing his forehead, “I did know that Monkey, you’re too cute.” Every time I start thinking my life sucks or there’s too much stress Brady does something adorable that brings me back to reality and let’s me realize how good I have it. It never fails.

            Brady really wanted that bat and ball so he was trying his hardest to be good.  He was doing great, but I felt like he was ready to crack any second, “OK, let me just try these on quick then we’ll pick one and go. You’re being so good Brady.”

            “I know, I’m trying real bad,” he smiled and sat down on the stool in the fitting room.

            “I can tell. Thank you,” I smiled as I pulled the dress on. It was a slinky black one-shoulder dress with twisted detail. I’m kind of in love with it, even though it’s a little shorter and slinkier than my usual taste. But it is really cute, and it makes my legs look real good, “What do you think?”

            “I like it!”

            “Me too!” I added with a laugh. He’s much too excited, probably because he thinks that means we’re done.  I feel bad dragging him along and I do like this dress so I don’t think I’m even going to bother trying on the other ones.  Although I did realize I didn’t have shoes to go with it.  Brady was ready so I looked really quickly and found a pair of pink pumps. I didn’t even bother trying them on, I just asked for the size then found a bag the same color and was ready to go.

            As we walked through the mall we passed a newsstand and a cover of a magazine caught my eye. I pulled Brady over with me and grabbed onto the latest issue of People Magazine. On the cover was a big picture of Brady holding onto Justin’s hand and the words “Daddy Justin?” were big and bold.

            “Come on Mommy! I wanna go get it.”

            It took me a second to answer him; I was in too much shock. My son’s picture is on the cover of a magazine sold across the world. I heard his voice calling my name again, “OK, yeah. Sorry, Mommy got a little distracted. Let’s go.”

            “Um… excuse me, ma’am?”

            “Oh, sorry,” I was really going to steal that magazine. I handed him a five-dollar bill and stuck the magazine in my purse as Brady dragged me to the toy store. I don’t want his picture in magazines. The last thing I need is for his father to see that and want to be part of his life. I know he wouldn’t even recognize Brady, but it worries me.  Everything seems to be worrying me recently; I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Brady found a wiffleball and bat right away and was ready to leave. I was surprised because he usually likes to spend a lot of time looking around the store, but for some reason he knew what he wanted. I wonder where he even learned about baseball. I’ve never played it with him or even watched it on television.  As we walked through the mall I noticed a few men that looked like they were following us. At first, I thought I was just being paranoid, but when we crossed to the other side of the mall they did too. I turned around to look at them and saw them holding a camera up to their faces. I looked around to see if there was someone that these paparazzi would be interested in taking pictures of. But then it clicked. The picture of Brady on the cover of that magazine, and now they’re taking pictures of us.

            I held onto Brady’s hand tightly and could feel a cold sweat coming along. I have absolutely no idea what to do. All I know is that there is no reason for them to take our picture. I can’t have Brady’s picture in all these magazines, I just can’t.

            “Mommy, how come those guys are taking our pictures?”

            “I don’t know sweetie, just keep walking ok?”

            “OK. It’s kinda like that time when we was out with Justin. Memba Mommy? When we got them big burgers?” I nodded my head, what the hell am I going to do? Justin said I don’t want them knowing where I live, so what am I supposed to do? Ride around all night. I can’t drive in and out of lanes like he does. “ ‘Cuse me Mista,” Brady waved his hand at the man that was now in front of us, “How come you taking our picture?”

            “Brady hunny, don’t talk to strangers. Some people are just rude, and don’t have any manners,” I glared at the man that was literally three feet in front of us walking backwards and taking pictures, “That’s why I want you to listen and be a good boy or you’ll turn out like him. And we don’t want that, do we?”

            Brady giggled and shook his head, “No way!”

            I had to laugh at his response and pulled him into a store with me. We went right to the back and into the fitting room. I’m not exactly sure if I should be scared or not. I’m not really scared, I just feel uncomfortable and I’ve had no training in how to deal with this.  I grabbed my cell phone and called Justin. If he answers he’ll be able to tell me what I should do, that is of course if he answers. I’m not exactly his favorite person right now. I should have got Trace’s number.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey. It’s Chloe.”

            “Yeah, I know.” He sounds pissed off still, “You didn’t block your number.”

            That’s kind of the last thing on my mind. “That’s OK. I’m um, at the mall with Brady so I could get a dress for the concert, and there is this guy following us around with a camera. I’m not exactly sure what I should be doing, because I know you said I don’t want them knowing where I live. So should I just like drive around and hope they get bored? Or should I not even worry about it. They probably won’t even follow us right? I mean they already got some pictures.”

            “Stop. Slow down. Where are you?” I guess I was talking too quickly, but now he sounds worried. I wasn’t really worried but hearing him sound worried makes me worry.

            “Westside Pavilion.”

            “Where are you right now?”

            “In the fitting room at BCBG Dresses.”

            “OK, stay there. I’m on my way.”

            “I don’t think you really need to come out, I mean there’s only two or three guys.”

            “Two or three? You said there was one.” Now his voice is even more concerned, “How many are there?”

            “I guess like two or three.”

            “You guess. Stay where you are, I’m coming.”

 

 

            

 

         “Mommy, how come we’re waiting here? I’m boring.”

         I looked up at my son and laughed, leave it to him to bring some humor into the situation of being stranded in a fitting room. “Bored hunny. Boring means you’re not fun and you’re way fun.”

         “Oh. I’m bored.”

         “I know, me too. We’re going to leave soon.”

         As if on cue Justin walked into the store, followed closely by Trace. Brady noticed him the second he walked in and ran to jump into his arms, “What’s up Tec?” Justin had a smile on his face; as much as he tried to hide it I saw it.

         “Justin! You’re here! I didn’t see you. I missed you!”

         “Yeah man, I’m here. I’m going to talk to your mother for a minute, ok?” he put Brady down and walked to me, “Are you alright?”

         “Yeah,” I nodded my head, “we’re ok, you really didn’t have to come.”

         He took a deep breath and threw his head back. I guess maybe I should be more grateful, “But thanks.”

         Justin nodded his head; “I’m going to take you guys back, to my house so they don’t follow. You won’t have to stay long. And Trace will bring your car back to my house. Then you guys can leave from there.”

         It sounds like they have this all figured out. It’s like a stealth mission. “I’m sorry we ruined your day. I probably should have just left, or asked the mall security to help us out.”

         Justin laughed, “The rent a cops wouldn’t have done you any good, I’m glad you called.  We should get moving though.”

         I nodded my head and handed Trace my keys, “Thanks Trace.”

         Brady tugged at Justin’s jeans, “Guess what? I know him Justin. He’s your friend and now he’s my friend too cause he came to my house and had pancakes.”

         “Yeah man, I heard. That’s pretty cool,” Justin smiled and turned his attention to me, “I’ll take your bags if you want to hold him.”

         I nodded my head, “Thanks Justin. Come on Monkey, hide your face ok? Like we’re playing a game.”

         Trace walked out the same time we did but no one seemed to care, they were all too busy following us. I held onto Brady tightly and hid his face. The guys were calling out and asking us questions. I don’t think it’s something I could ever get used to. They parked right at the exit so we got right in the car and Justin sped off.  Brady talked to Justin the whole ride to his house. He’s had a lot to tell him in the few weeks since he’s seen him last. Brady really loves him; I don’t understand how really, they haven’t even spent that much time together.

         When we got to his house Brady was excited to see the castle again. We went right through the house and into the yard. Justin didn’t say one word to me, instead he handed Brady the bat and got right to playing wiffle ball with him.

         Since it didn’t seem like either of them had any interest in me taking part I sat down on the patio watching carefully. I absolutely love the way they interact. Justin is seriously trying to teach Brady how to hit the ball and Brady just gets so excited he swings the bat so hard he falls over every other swing.

         Trace came through the sliding doors and sat down next to me, “How’s it going Chloe?”

         “Hey, thanks for taking my car.”

         “Yeah,” he nodded his head and looked over at Justin and Brady, “Is he ignoring you completely?”

         “Pretty much.”

         Trace laughed and stood up, walking right over to Justin and Brady. He said something to Justin and they both talked for a while while Brady practiced his swing and more importantly, practiced how to fall down without hurting himself. A minute later Justin tossed Trace the ball and headed towards me while Trace played with Brady.

         “Do you want a drink?” Justin asked.

         I nodded my head and stood up, “Yeah, thanks.” I followed him inside and looked around the big house. It looks a lot darker and empty without all the people that were here last time I was. I leaned against the counter while Justin grabbed a soda from the refrigerator. When he closed the refrigerator door I almost started crying. The picture Brady made him was hanging right up on it, the only thing.

         “You all right?” he asked as he handed me the soda.

         I nodded my head, “You have his picture out?”

         Justin looked at the fridge and then at the ground, “Yeah, he made it for me,” he answered softly.  He grabbed his drink and went into his living room, sitting down on the couch.

         I guess I should follow him. He’s acting really strange and I’m not exactly into it, “So are we just going to ignore each other then?”

         “I have nothing to say to you.” Wow. Really? “But obviously you’ve got shit to say to me so go for it.”

         “You’re stubborn.”

         “I’m not stubborn, I don’t have anything to say.”

         “Trace says you’ve been moping around the house.”

         Justin looked up at me for a second before shaking his head, “Trace has a big fucking mouth and I’m going to kill him.” I bit my lip, hoping I didn’t get Trace in trouble.  He’s been nothing but helpful to us.

         We sat in silence again; I looked out the window to check on Brady who was having the time of his life with Trace. He’s just ready to join the family, isn’t he?

         “OK. I’ll go first.” I spoke because the silence was killing me. Justin didn’t even look at me and if I didn’t know better I’d think he was just a body and his soul was somewhere else,  “I didn’t mean to say what I said. I’m sorry for saying it, but you have to understand what I meant. It’s a weird situation. It’s weird how we met and how everything happened and then now I’m here with my son. That’s weird.”

         “Then don’t fucking be here, leave then.” He stood up and started pacing.

         “You take everything so personally. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it’s weird. But if it’s going to work or it’s something that we want to work it can, but we need to discuss it. I mean, I have questions, I’m sure you do to.  You can’t just expect everything to happen so easily. I have a history, I have problems trusting people, I know this. I have baggage. I have a son. I met you at a strip club and you were a complete jackass for multiple times.”

         “That was a long time ago.”

         “I know, and that’s fine but it still happened. I know you’ve been completely different, like total 360, but it still happened and I have to watch out for Brady. I can’t get in your brain, I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

         He sat back down and took a deep breath, closing his eyes before he spoke, “I went to the strip club to go to a strip club. I’ve been before but it’s not a place I usually make a hobby of going to. I was going through a lot of shit and needed to get away from it. My ex-girlfriend fucked me up and I was going through that when I met you. I’ve been going through it for a half a fucking year but that’s beside the point. So I went in, saw you, and it was perfect. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, be as much of an asshole as I wanted and I was paying you so it was ok. Or at least I had to convince myself it was.  I knew it was wrong; I fucking went home and couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I don’t do that, I never did, my mother raised me better, and she taught me how to treat a lady. But I kept going back because I got attached, not obsessed. I wanted to take you out of that fucking club, but I couldn’t let myself fall for a fucking stripper so I kept treating you like shit.  Then I saw you out, with the kid, and it changed everything. And then I got to know you and you weren’t that whore dancing for me, but the complete opposite. Just a girl that will do anything to support her son.”

         I didn’t know what to say, but he stopped talking and looked at me as if he wanted some kind of a response. I didn’t expect the honest outburst, I thought I’d have to fight for him to tell me what was going on in his head, but he seemed to answer most of my questions at once.

         “And then you say I’m obsessed,” he continued, “Obsessed? That’s like freaky call the cops shit.”

         “I didn’t mean to say that, I definitely don’t think you’re obsessed.”

         “I mean, I’ve been told I’m obsessed with golf. Girls have told me I’m obsessed with working but I’ve never been called obsessed with another person.”

         I think that was a joke. He has a slight smile on his face. “I’m sorry.”

         “You gotta choose your words better girl, you’re going to give me a fucking twitch.” I let a chuckle escape, I’m glad he’s in a better mood, “But go ahead, now that we’re all being honest. You got questions, I got answers.”

         I smiled as his rapid shift in moods; he seems to be in a much better mood. But, I still feel like I have to watch what I say, especially my wording since that seems to be a problem. “Thanks for fixing my car.”

         “You’re welcome, but that wasn’t a question.”

         “I don’t have one right now, you answered all the ones I was thinking.”

         Justin nodded his head, licking his bottom lip. I think that’s a nervous tendency he has, I’ve noticed it before. “Alright, I got one.”

         “OK,” I answered in a whisper. I knew the question that was coming but I also knew I didn’t want to answer it.

         “What’s the story with Brady’s father?”

         I shrugged, deciding I could tell him without actually giving details. “There’s not much of a story. I left when I found out I was pregnant.”

         “Does he know?”

         “Does he care, is the question. He knows.”

         “Where is he?”

         “Back in Riverside I would imagine, I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him and I like it that way.”

         Justin put his arm around me, as if to comfort me. “There’s more to it than that.” It wasn’t a question, he knew.

         I nodded my head and rested it against his shoulder without even thinking about it. It just felt comfortable, or normal. I don’t know why, he just made me feel like everything would be ok.

         “It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me. But I am interested, and I want to know, when you’re ready to tell me.”

         “And I won!” I heard Brady’s voice, “I told ya I’d win Trace, I’m real fast! Mommy?”

         “In here Monkey,” I called back and saw his head pop up over the counter. He giggled and ran into the living room, climbing right up between Justin and I.

         “Comfortable kid?” Justin asked with a chuckle. He never moved his arm from my shoulder, and I still felt comfortable, even in front of Brady.

         “Yeah,” Brady giggled, “Guess what Justin? I hit it!”

         “No way.”

         “Yes way, for real. I hit it real far and it hit Trace right in the toe.” He laughed, “Huh Trace? He said… you got me good kid.”

         Trace walked in the living room, crossing his arms over his chest, “It’s a true story,” he nodded his head before letting out an aww, “Happily ever after, I see?”

         “He’s a funny man huh?” Justin smiled.

         “Definitely,” I smiled before putting my hand through Brady’s hair, “What do you say sweetie? Ready?” Brady let out a sigh so I continued before he could complain, “School tomorrow. Say goodbye.”

         I watched Brady stand up to hug Trace, he’s become quite the hugger, I’m not exactly sure where that came from. I stood up as well, even though I was very comfortable on the couch with Justin. “Thanks a lot Trace, for everything.”

         “Nah, thank you for making him smile again,” he finished with a chuckle as he looked at Justin’s face.

          I laughed myself, watching Justin give Trace a death glare. Justin smiled as Brady jumped up in his arms, “I’m gonna miss you again. This time you gotta come back cause memba, we still gotta go fishing. Promise you’ll come back and you won’t be too busy?”

         “Yeah Tec, I promise. I’ll see you soon.”

         “Did Trace give you my hug?”

         “He did actually,” Justin laughed looking over at his best friend, “It was very awkward and uncomfortable but he insisted on it.”

         I laughed at the thought of Trace coming home and insisting he give Justin a literal hug. I’m sure just telling him would have been sufficient enough, “Good, thanks Trace,” he winked at me before going back into the kitchen. “And you,” I said grabbing Justin’s hand in mine, “Call me, tomorrow or something. OK?” I wrote my number on his hand.

         “This is a big step,” Justin answered with a smile.

         “It is, don’t wash it off,” I kissed his lips gently, forgetting completely that Brady was still in the room.

         “Mommy!” he spoke in complete shock. We laughed at his reaction, “how come you kissed him?”

         I laughed uncomfortably and felt myself turning red, “Let’s go Brady.”

         “But Mommy, you kissed him!” I could hear Justin laughing as I made it to the car, “How come?”

         “I don’t know darling,” I smiled as I put him in his car seat, before kissing him quickly, “There, now I kissed you too.”

         Brady giggled, “You’re a kissing monster!”

 

         

         “Mommy, when’s he coming?”

         I wrapped myself in a towel and peaked my head out of the bedroom. Brady stood on the couch, leaning against the back so he could get a good view out the window. “Soon Monkey, be patient.”

         “I want him to come now though so we can play before you go. I wanna go, how come I can’t go?”

         “I told you darling, this isn’t for little boys. But we’ll do something extra special later.”

         “With Justin?”

         I nodded my head and walked back in my room, “Yes, with Justin.” I stood in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to do with my hair. Tonight is the big night with Paul McCartney’s concert and I want to look nice. I want to look great, not just nice. “I’m going to blow dry my hair, don’t you go answering that door, you tell me first.”

         “I know Mommy, you always tell me that. I listen. I’m a good boy.”

         “Are you sure?”

         He giggled and jumped down off the couch before climbing right back on.  “Mommy! Mommy!” I heard Brady scream after a few minutes, “He’s here! It’s him! He’s here!”

         “Are you sure it’s him?” I asked, peaking my head out. Justin was leaning in front of the window making faces at Brady.

         “Yeah Mommy, I’m positive. It’s him!”

         I laughed at how excited Brady was, we just saw Justin yesterday. Brady tapped on the window, trying to communicate something with him but there’s no way anyone could have understood. Justin spotted me and waved. “Alright Monkey, let him in.”

         “Justin! Justin!” Brady shouted after opening the door, “Hi Justin. Guess what? I had pizza. I like pizza. And you know what? Mommy said I can’t come but she said we’re gonna do something extra special.”

         “Whoa man, slow down.” Justin laughed. Brady’s talking a mile a minute, “Hey Chloe,” Justin called out to me.

         “Hey Justin,” I stuck my head out, “I’m almost ready.”

         “Take you’re time, I’m early. I’m here for the kid.” I’m still a little weirded out by the situation, but the fact that Justin was so honest makes me feel a lot better.  It’s just weird to me that he would be interested in me, and be so great with Brady.  That’s never happened before.  I need to get over it though, and start trusting more.

         “Mommy! Mommy! Look what Justin did!” Brady came running into my room, showing off the tie that was around his neck, “Do you see? I got a tie. Justin said that we guys needa wear them sometimes when we go somewhere fancy.”

         I smiled as I watched my son, he’s so happy and it’s great for him to have a man in his life telling him all about man things I can’t help him with. But it worries me that they’re getting so close so fast. “You look very handsome, Monkey.”

         Brady giggled and ran back into the living room. I watched him jump on the couch next to Justin, “You was right! She said I was handsome.”

         “I told you she would,” Justin laughed.

         I laughed to myself as I went back to the mirror to put on some lip-gloss. This is kind of nerve racking, this whole Paul McCartney thing, again. After fixing my shoe and grabbing my purse I stood at the bedroom door, about to cry. Brady was standing in front of Justin who was sitting on the couch, watching carefully as Justin showed him how to tie a tie.  Justin must have sensed me standing there. He looked over and gave me a half smile before turning his attention back to Brady and the tie, “Then you pull it down and, Tada you’re all done.”

         “Tada! All done!” Brady giggled, noticing me for the first time, “Did you see it Mommy? Justin knows how to tie a tie!”

         “I see, that’s pretty amazing. Come over here now and let’s get you into your pajamas while we’re waiting for Kelly.”

         “You know what Justin?” Brady grabbed onto his hand and pulled him into the room with us, “Mommy said I needa get into my pajamas but I don’t gotta go to bed yet. And that when Kelly comes we can watch the movie we got and have popcorn and then I can go to bed.”

         Justin smiled at me before answering, “That is very exciting. What movie did you get?”

         “We got Like Mike. That’s my new favorite!”

         I laughed at his response, “Babe, you didn’t even see it yet.  Wait until you watch it before you call it your new favorite ok?”

         “Oh. OK.”

         We both laughed and Brady joined in, without any knowledge as to why he was laughing. “Kelly should be here any minute,” I told Justin, “And Brady is going to be so good. I don’t even have to remind him because he’s a good boy and knows, right Brady?”

         “Mmhmm, yes sir!”

         The front door opened and Kelly’s voice filled the apartment, “I’m sorry I’m a little late, I lost track of time. My stupid cat was attacking my feet and wouldn’t let me out of the apartment.” she stopped when she saw Justin follow Brady and I out of the room, “Oh. Hi.”

         “Kelly this is Justin, Justin this is Kelly.”

         Kelly looked a little nervous, shocked really. I thought I mentioned who he was, but I guess it’s possible I didn’t. Based on the look covering her face I would think I didn’t.

         “Hey,” Justin smiled as he walked over to her, extending his hand, “Nice to meet you Kelly.”

         “Yeah, nice to meet you,” she gave me a look and I shrugged. I didn’t realize she was a closet fan. Justin laughed, noticing the glances exchanged between the two of us.

         “He’s all ready for bed. We bought a movie for you to watch and then he can go to sleep after the movie. Make sure he goes to his bed though, even if he falls asleep on the couch. There’s popcorn, but if he wants popcorn he needs to brush his teeth again before bed, right Brady?”

         “Mmhmm.”

         “Thanks Kel, you’re a lifesaver. But it’s a school night, so make sure he doesn’t stay up too late.”

         She nodded her head, still completely phased out.

         “OK,” I laughed, “Come on Brady, give me a kiss.”

         He kissed me quickly and gave me a great hug before giggling again, “I’m gonna be so good, don’t even tell me to, I already know.”

         “Later kid,” Justin smiled, bending over to get the hug Brady was giving him, “Like Mike is one of my favorite movies, you’ll like it.”

         “Mine too!”

         “Alright, we better go. Thanks again Kel.”

         Kelly waved, before Justin spoke, “It was nice meeting you Kelly.” She didn’t respond, Justin just smiled, but I could tell he wanted to laugh or shake her to get her to wake up. And I’m supposed to trust this girl with my son? She’s gone and got all star struck.

         Justin opened the door to his car for me before walking over to get in himself, “Is she your best friend?”

         “Kelly?” he nodded his head, “No, well… I guess. I don’t really have a best friend, but I guess she’s the closest. I don’t really have many friends in general, why?”

         “She just seemed surprised, like she didn’t know I was who I am.”

         “Oh, well yeah she probably didn’t. “

         Justin nodded his head and let a short chuckle escape, “You don’t have that click of girls that you tell everything to?”

         I shook my head, “Should I?”

         “No, I suppose it’s a good thing. Most girls have a group of chicks that they tell every single detail about everything to. Then it’s all tough because you got all these different views, and everyone’s got their own idea about the relationship even when it has nothing to do with them. But many girls really listen to what their friends think and their friends are just out to start shit in the first place.”

         I laughed, “You seem to know a lot about clicky females.”

         “I do,” he confessed with a laugh, “Too much.”

         “Well, I’m not a clicky female so don’t worry. I don’t have a group of girlfriends I tell everything to. Do you?”

         “A group of guy friends,” he corrected me with a smile, “I do.”

         “So should I be worried about them starting shit?”

         “Nah, guys are different. Besides, you already met Trace and you guys won him over so there’s nothing to worry about.”

         I smiled; it’s good to know he likes Brady and I. I really do like Trace; he seems like a really genuine person. “Is he your best friend?”

         Justin nodded his head, “Since we were in diapers.”

         “That’s really adorable. That’s cool you’re still friends.”

         “Yeah, we’re more like brothers. He’s part of my family. You don’t have any friends you’ve had since you were a kid?”

         I shook my head; “I lost touch with my friends when we moved out here.”

         “Why did you move out here?”

         “I was pregnant.”

         “So you had to move away?” he asked out of confusion, “From Riverside, right?”

         “Yeah, how did you know that?”

         “You told me. I listen, surprising, I know.”

         “No,” I laughed as I played with my bracelet. These questions are not going to lead to answers I want to supply at the moment, especially when I’m ready to go see Paul McCartney live in concert.

         “So, why did you move out here?”

         “I was pregnant and there were issues with… the father,” I continued quickly so I would not have to go into detail about those issues, “And the girls. I was in high school, kids are cruel.”

         “How so?”

         He’s just full of questions tonight isn’t he? He was completely honest with me the other night; I supposed I could do the same. “I just got a reputation because I had sex with my boyfriend. Other people were having sex, it’s not like we were the only ones, but I got pregnant so everyone thought I was easy. The guys would just like touch me, and follow me into the bathroom, or call my house and leave messages if I wanted to come over and have sex. And the girls, they were way worse, like catty clicky mean girls. They were so mean.  One girl told me that she felt really bad because everyone was spreading more rumors and calling me names so she got me a present. And I opened it up, thinking she was actually a nice person, and it was a pillow. She said it was because I’m on my back so much, I might as well be comfortable.” I paused for his reaction, but he seemed to be in shock that people actually act like that, outside of the movies. “Then when I woke up one day someone spray painted ‘Hoe-y’ on my house, they called me Hoe-y instead of Chloe. And my mom made me go to school because she said I couldn’t show them that it was bothering me. But I got in school and it was spray painted all over my locker. So I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I ran home. My mother saw how serious it was and there’s no way to get your reputation back after that so we moved out here to start over.”

         “Wow. I’m really glad I was home schooled through high school,” Justin replied with a laugh.

         “Seriously,” I laughed. I’m glad he was able to joke about it and now all apologetic. I hate when people apologize for things they had nothing to do with.

         “And his father?”

         I knew that was coming, “Not yet, ok?”

         Justin nodded his head, “What about your father? Did you ever meet him?”

         “No,” I shook my head, “I don’t know much about him, and mom didn’t talk about him. He left before I was born. He stuck around through the pregnancy then chickened out right before I was born.”

         “People are so fucked up.”

         I nodded my head, “Now that we’re getting into our family history. What about your father?”

         “He’s a complete douchebag. He left when I was two and to this day he still thinks everything I do isn’t good enough. He thinks what I do takes no effort and it’s a joke.”

         “What does he do?”

         “Nothing. Good fucking question.”

         “Do you still see him?”

         He nodded his head, “Around Christmas, sometimes one more time during the year. My mother really wants us to have some sort of a relationship because she thinks I need him, so I mostly just do it for her.”

         “I hope you don’t pay his bills.”

         “Nah,” he laughed, “Surprisingly, he’s never asked me to.”

         “That’s good. We should write a book, we’ve got some good stuff.”

         “Oh yeah,” Justin nodded his head and smiled, “My mother’s amazing though, so it’s not all that bad. You take the good with the bad I suppose.”

         “Yeah mine is too… or she was.”

         He looked over at me and rested his hand on my leg to comfort me, “You really miss her, huh?” I nodded my head, “I can’t even imagine what it would be like.”

         “Yeah, it sucks. And it doesn’t get easier either. Everyone says it does but it doesn’t. I miss her more and more every day.”

         “It will get easier.”

         “I don’t think so,” I answered softly as we pulled up to the valet, “Anyway, I’m sorry. This is not what we should be discussing on the way to Paul McCartney.”

 

 

         Paul McCartney was absolutely amazing. For me, it was one of those situations that I didn’t know exactly how to feel. On one hand, I had never thought I would be able to see him in concert. When he played the Beatles songs I literally screamed like a twelve-year-old girl. Justin found it amusing, although he stood right up when Let It Be started playing. But then again, the whole situation made me a little depressed because I knew how much my mother would have loved to be here with me seeing this.

         But I need to focus on the present instead of the past. The fact is that I’m sitting here in the VIP section of the most amazing show I’ve ever expected to attend. To my left is Justin, who I feel like I have a real connection with. The more we talk the more we seem to have in common, especially with our whole family life. And of course there is the way he acts around Brady that pretty much makes my life in and of itself. To add more to the amazing night, to my right is George Clooney. GEORGE CLOONEY. Like literally, I am touching shoulders with him. Next to Justin is Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. At first I felt completely out of my element but they’re all surprisingly friendly and nice, possibly because of Justin. He seems to be doing pretty well; Tim McGraw is talking to him about doing a song. I feel a little embarrassed that I don’t know much about Justin’s music, but it seems like everyone else does.  Hell, Tom Hanks came over to introduce himself before the show started and said he was such a fan. I need to go buy his cd so I know my stuff.

         “Having fun?” Justin whispered in my ear at intermission.

         “Are you serious? I’m like having the time of my life.”

         “Good,” he smiled and nodded his head; “Look over there,” he full out pointed, “Paris Hilton. In the seats with the public, we should wave. She’s been looking up here all night pissed off she couldn’t get VIP.”

         “That’s mean,” I answered with a laugh.

         “You’ve obviously never met her. Annoying as all fuck, and she’s famous for all the wrong reasons.”

         “And you’re famous for all the right reasons?” I asked with a smile.

         “Of course Chloe,” he chuckled at my response, “All the right reasons and then some.”

         After the show we went backstage, I’ve never been backstage at a concert before. Hell, I’ve never even been to a concert before. We waited in the hallway with some of the other important people, or very important people excuse me, for Paul McCartney to shower and come out to meet up with everyone. I was getting nervous; I could feel my palms get sweaty. I don’t know exactly why, it’s not like I haven’t met him before. Justin was busy talking to the other famous people. I couldn’t really concentrate enough to actually take part in the conversation. I hope they don’t think I’m rude.

         Justin exchanged numbers with Tim McGraw before turning back to me laughing, “Sorry. Look who’s here.”

         “Don’t be sorry. What am I supposed to be looking at?” I looked to where he was looking. Paris Hilton is what I’m supposed to be looking at. Apparently he has some issue with her, I doubt he just doesn’t like her because she’s annoying.

         “Hi J!” she just about shouted and pulled him into a long hug.

         “What’s going on?” Justin asked, plastering a fake smile on his face, “This is my girl, Chloe.”

         Thanks for literally pushing me in front of you Justin, gosh. “Hi, nice to meet you.” I held my hand out but she didn’t take it, what’s with these female celebrities and not shaking hands? Instead she shot me a very dirty look.

         “Oh,” she answered softly, “When are you starting your tour Justin?”

         “A few months.”

         “I’ll definitely be there.”

         Justin nodded his head and grabbed onto my arm, “We’ll see you later.”

         “That’s not very nice,” I laughed at how quickly he made an exit.

         “She’s annoying as all hell. Let’s go for a walk,” he grabbed onto my hand and led me through the backstage area.

         “Why do you hate her?”

         “She starts shit.”

I bet she started shit with his ex-girlfriend, the girl that’s a complete bitch and I don’t remember her name. “She just wants your cock,” I whispered.

         Justin gave me a crooked smile, “Well she’s not getting it.” he played with my fingers, “So, Chloe, you liked the concert?” I nodded my head, “Best concert ever?”

         “Definitely, well I don’t have much to compare it to, but definitely.”

         “What was your first concert?”

         “This would be it.”

         He stopped walking; in such a shocking moment I kept walking but was forced to stop when he still held onto my hand. “Are you serious?”

         I nodded my head, “I’m an embarrassment.”

         “You are,” he laughed, “I’m going to have to introduce you to some good music.”

         “I’m sure that’s something you could handle.”

         “Definitely,” he smiled as we made it back to the crowd. We stayed back while Paul was talking to everyone else, until he spotted us and called us over. Not really us, more like Justin, but I like to pretend that I’m old friends with Paul freaking McCartney.

         He waved at us, and it his beautiful accent asked if we could stick around. Obviously we can stick around. I’m still getting excited and twelve year old girl like waiting, even though I’ve met him before. He finished talking to whomever it was he was talking to and invited us into his dressing room. I did not sit until he told me to, and when I did I sat up straight. There’s something about it being him and the accent that makes me feel the need to be very proper.

         “Thanks for coming, I hope you enjoyed the show.”

         “Oh my god, are you serious? I had the time of my life, it was like the most unbelievable night of my life.”

         Justin laughed and put his hand on my leg. I probably should shut up, “It was amazing,” he answered with a smile.

         “I like her commentary better, it gives me an ego boost,” Paul laughed, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. We need to get together sometime to discuss the song, that is if you’re still interested.”

         “Of course,” Justin answered quickly.

         “We’ll have to go through the management, but are you going to be around for awhile?”

         “Yes, sir”

         “Great then,” he stood up causing us to stand up and shook Justin’s hand. “We’ll get in touch then. Do you have a studio in your house?”

         “I do.”

         “That would be wonderful, I’d rather not go to one in the city. I’ll have my people call your people Mr. Timberlake.”

         “That would be great. Thanks a lot.”

         “Of course,” Paul answered and I stood there, hoping to get a hug or something. I’m a complete dork but it’s ok.  “And Chloe right?” I couldn’t do anything but nod my head. He remembered my name! “I expect you’ll be there.”

         “Oh really? Sure.”

         “Great,” he smiled and hugged me, I wasn’t exactly sure if I ever wanted to let go. “Justin, you hang on to this girl. If I were a little younger I’d give you a run for your money.”

         “Oh, I’m pretty sure age doesn’t matter to her,” Justin answered with a laugh.

         Paul laughed, “Thanks for coming sweetheart, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll talk to you soon.”

         He left Justin and I alone and Justin laughed, “Are you alright there?”

         “Yes,” I laughed as I followed Justin back to the car, “That was pretty amazing. Thanks a lot.”

         “Yeah, no problem. Just wait until you’re in the studio with him. That’s going to be amazing.”

“You seriously have a recording studio in your house?”

         Justin smiled as he nodded his head; “I seriously have a recording studio in my house. It’s not that big, it’s just a room.”

         “That’s so cool though, you could just roll out of bed and go.”

         He nodded his head again as he drove onto the highway, “I can. That was the exact reason why I did it.”

         “That’s so cool. Where is it?”

         “Downstairs, you want to see it?” I nodded my head as Justin laughed and turned off the highway.

         We arrived at his house a few minutes later and he led me right to the studio in the basement. I was in complete shock. Three walls were filled with sound devices that I obviously know nothing about, except they must cost millions of dollars.  A leather couch was on the fourth wall and directly across from it was a glass window opening up to another room about the same size filled with drums, guitars, keyboards and a small booth, probably about four feet by four feet. I think Justin was talking but I was too amazed at what I saw. I walked around the wall behind the couch where all his platinum records were hanging. And there’s so many buttons, I wonder what they all do.

         “Whoa, whoa whoa,” Justin grabbed onto my arm, “Don’t touch that. Expensive stuff.” He said before plopping down on the couch.

          I laughed, “Sorry, it’s just kind of amazing. When I was little, I was convinced I’d be in a world famous group like The Beatles. But it’d be the female version, and we’d be called The Lady Bugs.”

         “Cute, The Lady Bugs,” he laughed before standing up, “Go on in then, I’ll record you.”

         “Oh no, no. I can’t sing. That was the minor setback.”

         “Nah, that doesn’t mean anything. Most famous musicians can’t sing. The soundboard works wonders,” he smiled and grabbed onto my arm, bringing me into the other room.

         There were more records on the wall in there. I walked the perimeter of the room, looking at all the awards he’s received when I felt his lips on the back of my neck. “These are all yours?”

         “Mmhmm,” he moved my hair out of the way as he continued kissing my neck and my shoulders. He’s clearly not interested in his studio.

         “What’s in here?” I asked as I walked into the sound booth.

 I jumped when the door was shut and Justin gave me a half smile. “We are in here.”

“I see that,” I giggled like a schoolgirl before turning around and pressing my lips to his. He parted my lips with his tongue and slid it inside my mouth. He’s an amazing kisser; it feels silly that I wouldn’t let him kiss me for so long. He tastes so good. Justin pushed me against the wall and slid his hand up my dress. I moaned into his mouth and could feel him smiling as he kissed me. That’s the best kiss, when he’s smiling.

I felt him getting hard against me so I reached over and unbuckled his belt, there’s no need to drag this out any longer. He leaned back, in the small booth, and gave me a crooked smile as I pushed his pants down. I grabbed onto his tie and pulled him closer, feeling his soft lips on mine once again. He rubbed his hands up my legs, hooking my panties with his thumb and slowly slid them down my body. He continued kissing me, but was smiling as he did it. The truth is we haven’t had sex in a long time, and even though we’ve only done it a few times I feel like I need it. Now.

“Justin,” I moaned softly as he kissed my neck.

“What?” he asked as if he had no idea what I was asking for. I grabbed onto his hard dick, stroking it gently with my hand. He stopped kissing my neck and picked me up, holding me against the wall. The booth was tiny, so I planted my feet on either side of his waist, holding myself up and giving him easy access.

         He pushed my dress up and my head flew back as he entered me and I automatically felt like it had been way too long since I felt him inside me, and it’s never been like this. I moaned as he worked inside me getting closer and closer to my spot. Right. There. “Oh my god,” I called out, holy shit.

         Justin laughed that cocky laugh he has, “found it.”

         Yeah, you’re damn right you found it. I couldn’t speak, or form words in general, so I just continued moaning and breathing heavily as Justin continued to work it. It’s so hot in here and he looks so damn hot with the sweat forming on his body.  My knees are going weak and I’m about to loose my balance and fall to the ground. He sensed it, and held me up as I threw my head back and moaned some more. He kissed my neck as I pulled him closer, hanging my arms over his shoulders. “I’m close.” I was only able to whisper.

         “Let it go Baby, me too.” The second he finished talking I could feel myself letting go. My nails clawed into his back as I felt him cum inside me. Justin threw his head back and we both tried to catch our breath. A minute later he helped me down off the wall, “Damn.”

         “Yeah, damn” I laughed, “I need to lay down.”

         Justin smiled as he opened the door to the booth and I lay right down, with my feel still in the booth. “I have a bed,” he laughed.

         “I know, I can’t make it up there.”

         He chuckled, “What about a couch?”

         “I’m fine.”

         “I can carry you.” I shook my head and he finally got the hint. He lay down next to me, leaving his feet in the booth as well. I felt his arms pulling me to his chest, where I rested my head. I didn’t think his chest would be comfortable, especially considering it’s pretty much all muscle and bones; I don’t think he has an ounce of fat on him. But it was comfortable, really comfortable. It’s like we fit. 

 

         “Oh my god!” I jumped up from the ground where I was laying with Justin, “Oh my god!”

         “What’s wrong?” Justin shot up, not exactly the best wakeup call.

         “It’s morning, that’s what’s wrong,” I ran into the other room and grabbed my purse, throwing everything out while I searched for my phone that was, of course, at the bottom. It’s 7:48 in the morning. What is wrong with me?

I dialed Kelly’s number and she answered it after the first ring, “Well you’re alive, that’s a plus.”

“Oh god, I am so sorry. I fell asleep and totally lost track of time. Is he ok?”

“Yeah, he’s scared. I calmed him down a little, but now he’s just mad.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Yeah. Don’t rush back now; he’s all ready for school. I’ll take him over; you won’t make it back in time. Just don’t forget to pick him up.”

“Thanks Kel.”

“Sure, Brady” I heard her calling him. It took a minute; he doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to let this happen.

I heard him on the phone but he wasn’t speaking, “Hey Monkey.”

“Where was you? I was scared.”

“I know hunny, I’m so sorry. I fell asleep and lost track of time.”

“I’m mad at you. You’re not a good Mommy.” My heart broke and I could feel the tears filling my eyes. He’s so mad; the anger in his voice is killing me. “I have to go to school. Bye Mommy.” He hung up on me. I flipped my phone shut and threw it to the couch, throwing my head in my hands.

“Everything alright?” I heard Justin’s voice.

I shook my head, “I left him. Justin, I left my son for the night. He didn’t know where I was. He woke up, and I wasn’t there. He’s never woken up without me there. He was scared out of his mind.”

Justin didn’t know exactly what to do, I know most men are not too comfortable with the whole female crying thing, and I wish I could stop because I’m not exactly at the point where I feel comfortable crying in front of him. “He’ll be mad for a little while, but he’ll forget about it soon. He’s five.”

“He said I’m not a good Mommy.”

Justin sat down next to me, “He didn’t mean it, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s just upset. I’m sorry, I should have taken you home.”

I nodded my head; it’s not his fault. I know I’m overreacting a little, but I really feel like I was very irresponsible. I can’t just leave my son alone, especially when he thinks I’ll be home. Thank God I have Kelly and not some horrible babysitter that would just leave him. I don’t think anyone would just leave a five year old, but who knows.

“We’ll make it up to him. What do you say we take him fishing? I mean, if you want to do something just the two of you that’s cool too.”

“No, he’d love to go fishing. He’s been talking about it since you said you’d take him.”

“Perfect. We’ll go to breakfast and then get some shiners and stuff.”

“What’s a shiner?”

He laughed at my question, “The little fish you put on the hook.”

That works.

I grabbed onto Justin’s hand while he helped me up and I realized that I was still wearing the black dress from the night before. “I can’t go to breakfast wearing this.”

Justin smiled but continued walking upstairs, “I got you covered. This is my bedroom, my bed. Where I like to sleep usually, instead of the ground.”

“It won’t happen again,” I answered softly as I looked out of the window.

“I’m kidding, I’m a kidder,” he felt the need to explain as he wrapped an arm around me.

 I can’t believe that I fell asleep here. I have not slept a whole night since I’ve had Brady, and the one night I do is the one night that he’s alone. What is wrong with me? I should have gone home right away, I should have known better.

 “Do you need to shower?” Justin’s voice woke me from my thoughts. He had a crocked smile on his face, possibly suggesting we shower together but I can’t think about that right now. I shook my head and took the sweatpants and t-shirt from his hands. “Are you alright?”

I looked up at Justin as the smile slid off his face, “Yeah. I’m just… going to… get changed. You can shower,” I answered softly as I pulled the sweatpants under my dress. I turned around while I pulled the dress over my head, I know it’s not really necessary but I just did it out of habit. When I turned around Justin was pulling a t-shirt over his bare chest. God, he’s gorgeous. What the fuck is wrong with me? This is going to be serious trouble if I don’t get my act together. I can’t be that girl that forgets about her son as soon as she meets a guy.

I turned away to look in the mirror and ran my hands through my hair to straighten it out. I wish I had elastic. “You don’t have any elastics do you?”

“For your hair?” he asked, coming behind me. “No, but I’ll get you one. Ready?”

I nodded my head and followed him downstairs. “I also don’t have any shoes. Maybe you should just take me home.”

“I got you covered Chloe, don’t worry,” he smiled again, walking through his kitchen, out the sliding glass doors and through his back yard.

I gave him a weird look but he just kept giving me that crooked smile he has. “Where are we going?” I finally asked.

“The guest house,” he answered simply.

Of course. The guesthouse. Who has a guesthouse? This guesthouse is bigger than my house growing up, about twice as big. I decided not to ask questions and just follow quietly. Well, for a second I decided I should not ask questions, but I’m not good at listening quietly when I have a question, “You have a guesthouse?”

“I do,” he answered as if it was a normal occurrence and most people do have guesthouses bigger than regular houses in their backyards.

“Who lives in your guesthouse?”

“My cousin… my assistant, Rachael.”

Rachael, I don’t think I’ve met a Rachael. I’m getting to meet a lot of people in his life. That seems kind of weird, but then again I did meet his mother before any of this started. Justin knocked on the door and then started banging when she didn’t answer right away, “Maybe she’s sleeping?” I suggested.

“She’s not sleeping,” he answered while banging, “She’s up.”

I don’t know if she’s up since she’s not coming to the door. I don’t know why he wants to get her up anyway. A minute later a brunette, I’m assuming to be Rachael, came to the door. Justin was right she wasn’t sleeping. In fact, she looked like she had already gone on a morning run. She smiled brightly, “Good Morning.”

“Morning Rach,” Justin began, “This is Chloe, Chloe this is Rachael.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Rachael pulled me into a tight hug, “I’m glad I get to meet you.”

I smiled, not exactly sure what to say. I’m sure I would be excited to meet her as well if I knew she existed anytime before the two minutes I’ve known she existed. I’m kind of interested as to what it is she knows about me.

“We need a favor.”

My eyes darted at Justin; we need a favor?

“Yup, what’s that?” she asked with a smile.

“Shoes and an elastic.”

Rachael nodded her head and grabbed onto my hand, pulling me in her house, the guesthouse. “Don’t mind the mess, it’s time to rearrange the furniture. I have to change everything like every month, I’m weird like that,” she laughed as she brought me upstairs. I looked back at Justin as he stood smiling in the doorway. Rachael brought me to her closet and let out a deep breath as she dropped my hand, “Take your pick.”

I looked at her smiling face and then at the closet full of shoes, “I don’t want to take your shoes.”

This closet is like any girl’s dream closet. She has more shoes than I’ve ever seen in my life. And they’re not all stilettos or pumps; she has about twenty pairs of sneakers and at least 50 flip-flops.  “No, it’s not a problem,” she continued smiling, “I have an obsession with shoes, it runs in the family.”

“It runs in the family?”

She laughed and nodded her head, “Justin, haven’t you seen his shoe closet? It’s about twice the size of mine.”

I smiled; I’ve never heard of a man having that many shoes. I do love shoes, and gosh what I would give to have a closet that big full of shoes. But I digress, “I’ll take anything.”

“OK, take some flip-flops then,” she handed me a pair of Roxy flip-flops.

“Thank you, I’ll send them back with Justin.”

“Don’t worry about it, I have plenty,” she smiled, she’s always smiling, “Anything else you need?” she handed me a black hair elastic. I shook my head, “OK, let me know if you think of anything else. How was the Paul McCartney?”

“Oh gosh, amazing. It was like, unbelievable.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m totally going to be sneaking in the studio when they’re recording.”

“Me too,” I laughed, “We can sneak down together.”

“Sounds good. Well we better go, you don’t want to keep him waiting, he gets cranky,” she finished with a chuckle, “It was nice meeting you. I’ll see you soon.”

“OK, thanks a lot Rachael.”

“Anytime,” she smiled and waved, “Have fun!”

“All set?” Justin asked as I followed him to his Jurassic Park Jeep.

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “She’s real sweet.”

He smiled as he opened the Jeep door for me, “Yeah, I keep her around for something.”

I smiled as he closed the door and went around to get in. I was quiet the whole drive to the quiet restaurant. No one looked at him like he was any different from anyone else. That calms me down a little; I was beginning to think everywhere he went people followed him. I probably jinxed it, so I knocked on wood.

Justin laughed as I did, “knocking on wood?”

I nodded my head and opened up the menu, “Any suggestions?”

“Yeah, they have the best hot apples. You can get them instead of home fries, but the home fries are amazing too, so I get both,” he answered with a smile, “The omelets are good. I get the Western omelet.”

“What about the stuffed French Toast?”

“Rach gets it, she loves it. I’ve never had it, I need eggs in the morning.”

“Brady always gets eggs when we go out for breakfast. He won’t eat them at home, but when we go out he always gets a cheese omelet and eats the whole thing,” I laughed to myself, “He won’t eat my omelets, ever, because he needs it like super thin.”

“I’m like that too,” Justin laughed, “You gotta get a big flat fryer then it gets real thin.”

I smiled as his suggestion then played with the sugar packet in front of me. I can’t get over how stupid and irresponsible I was last night. Brady must have been so scared, why would I do that to him?

“When I was seven, my mom went out with Paul, my step-father now, but this was when they first started dating, and she didn’t come home. She stayed over. I woke up and she wasn’t there. I ran downstairs and my Granny was still there from the night before, in the kitchen making me breakfast. Then she came home, a couple hours later, and I was pissed. I thought something happened to her, I wasn’t used to waking up without her there.  She felt real bad and took me out, horseback riding, and I forgot about it by the end of the night.”

“You did not forget about it, you still remember. It’s twenty years later and you’re still talking about it.” Great. I’ve scarred Brady forever.

“No, no that’s not what I mean. I hardly remember that, I remember the day after. I remember I got to meet Paul for the first time and I got to see how happy she was. I was scared; I was worried about her, because it was always just the two of us. And for a little while, I was pissed at her, but when I saw her so happy it was all right. I know she loves me and will do anything for me, but there was always a part of her that was missing. A part that I couldn’t give her, ya’know? And she never fucking dated, never. She never wanted to leave me alone or have random guys around pretending to be my father. I’m not trying to do that Chloe. I know you’re having this inner crisis but I’ve been there. I’ve been Brady and you have to trust me when I say he’s going to be all right. He’ll get over it. I know you’ve lived the past five years of your life for Brady. And that’s great, you should, but you gotta live for yourself too. Kids know when their mother isn’t happy. We know when something’s missing. He’s going to blame himself when he’s older if it’s still missing. You gotta make yourself happy too.”

“Stuffed French toast, western omelet,” the waitress dropped the plates in front of us, “Enjoy.”

I cut up my French toast and chewed a piece completely as I let what he said sink in. I understand what he’s saying and I do think he’s right to some extent, but it’s different for Brady and I. “He’s all I have.” I answered softly.

“I know,” he placed his hand on mine, “But you could have more. I’m not saying you should stop treating him like you do, but you have to let me in. Don’t go closing me off now because of last night.”

“I’m not.”

“Alright. Thank you,” he answered with a half smile. “How’s the French Toast?”

 

 

A bucket of shiners. We went into a small, shady fishing store and Justin told the man behind the counter that we wanted a bucket of shiners. The strangest part is that the man, with a potbelly like Santa Claus, knew exactly what he was talking about. The man went to the back room, without saying one word, and came back with a plastic bucket. The lid had small holes in it, I’m assuming so the little fish can breathe.

“Twelve ninety-seven,” was all the man said as he slammed the bucket on the counter.

I jumped out of shock at the loud noise.

“You alright there, Killer?” Justin asked with a smile as he grabbed a pair of binoculars and tossed them on the counter.

The man grabbed them before scanning them quickly, “Thirty-eight seventeen.”

“Thanks man,” Justin handed him the money, me the binoculars and grabbed the bucket.

“Can I look at them?” I asked as he placed the bucket in the trunk. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling this weird bravery like I want to look into a bucket with little fish.  Honestly, this whole thing scares me just a little.

“Go for it,” he smiled opening the little window on the top of the bucket. It took be a few seconds before I was able to peek in, not nearly as scary as I thought it would be.  It’s just a bunch of little fish no bigger than my pinky. I wasn’t scared at all… until they jumped and I jumped and Justin laughed. “You ok?”

“It’s not funny, I thought it was going to jump out at me.”

“Which is funny,” he disagreed, “They’re tiny fish Chloe.”

Well he’s just going to get a kick out of how I act around the big fish that they catch. “I don’t like fish, unless they’re on a plate with lemon and seasoning.” He laughed as he walked around the jeep and got inside. “What are the binoculars for?”

“Dinosaurs.”

I smiled at his response; he’s very thoughtful, always thinking about those extra things that will make Brady so happy, “Thank you.”

“They’re not for you Chloe,” Justin answered with a smile.

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window, he’s really changed… a lot, since the first time I met him. I guess he’s always been like this; he was just acting like a jerk when we first met. I mean that’s what he said. But I’m still a little scared that his asshole tendencies may come out again.

Justin parked in the school parking lot and turned the car off. “Can you give us a second?”

“Yeah, take your time.”

“Thanks,” I nodded my head before slowly walking up the walkway. I’m scared to pick up my own son. I’m afraid that he’s going to look at me differently than he’s always looked at me. I’m so scared that I’ve let him down and he’s going to remember it for the rest of his life. I can’t deal with this pressure. I felt my chest tightening up as I walked to his classroom.

“Brady, Mommy’s here” his teacher called out to him.  Brady looked up and then back at the blocks he was playing with, ignoring me completely. So much for him forgetting about it, he’s still mad.

“How was he?” I asked his teacher.

She answered with a smile, “He had a little bit of an attitude at the beginning of the day, but he got his act together.”

I nodded my head, aware that I was the reason for him acting like a little brat, “I’m sorry. Come on Brady, let’s go.”

He stood up and threw the blocks back in the bucket they were in and walked over to me, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey Monkey,” I messed up his hair as he made his way closer to me, “Do you have all your stuff?”

Brady’s arms remained crossed and I grabbed his backpack. He’s giving me the silent treatment. That’s like the ultimate for a five year old.

“Alright babe, let’s talk” I sat down on a bench when we got outside and pulled him up with me, “How are you? I missed you.”

“No suh. You didn’t come home. Where was you?”

“I know sweetie. I fell asleep at Justin’s house. That was bad, I know it was scary for you and I’m so sorry. It will never happen again Monkey, I promise.”

Brady pouted out his lips like he was really thinking, “You know what? I wanted to go.”

“To Justin’s?”

“Yeah, and you know what? He said I could.”

“Yes, you’ll be able to, just not last night.” I pulled Brady to my lap, hugging him tightly, “Do you like Justin?”

“Yeah. Uh-huh. Do you know why? Cause he said he’d take me fishin’ and he said he’d take me on a dinosaur hunt. And he has da Jurassic Park Car and you know what Mommy? He taught me how to tie that thing on your neck. And he’s a boy, just like me!” a big smile covered his face, “And he’s the coolest boy ever. He’s my favorite boy too. AND he said he’s gonna take me fishin”

“He did say that didn’t he,” I laughed. I think it’s more important than I ever thought it was that Brady has a male role model of some sort in his life. It’s different for him than it was for me. I was all right because I had my mother and I’m a girl. He needs more than I can give him, Justin’s right. “Well you know what Monkey? it’s your lucky day. Look who’s here.”

Brady jumped up and started to run towards the jeep but I managed to catch him before he ran through the parking lot full of cars trying to get out.

“What’s up Tec?” Justin asked as I helped Brady in the car.

“Hi Justin! Guess what? Guess what? Today’s my favorite day cause you’re here and I get to go in da Jurassic Park Car and you know what too? And you know what else? We had pizza for lunch! Real pizza! The kinda with the round pepperonis and everything!”

Justin laughed at Brady’s excitement, and gave me a look as if to prove to me that I was overreacting. “Oh little man, it gets better. Did your Mom tell you where we’re going?”

“No. Oh, I know! I know! Back to that playground with the balls?”

“Nope. Better,” Justin smiled.

“Better? Oh, I know! I know! Are we goin fishin?”

“We are going fishin!” I turned around to see his reaction. He’s so adorable, I’m never going to get used to it. I just love this kid so damn much.

“Oh! Yay Yay Yay!”

“Wait man, there’s more. We’ll be dinosaur hunting on the way. Keep your eyes open the whole time. Look through the trees, use these.” Justin reached back and handed him the binoculars.

Of course Brady had no idea what to do with them, but Justin managed to talk him through it. Although he did have them on the wrong way, but it was too adorable for me to correct him. The whole ride to the lake Brady pointed out the dinosaurs he saw, he has such a great imagination. I miss being a kid with a wild imagination.

We continued driving, deeper and deeper into the woods. I didn’t even know they went back so far. If I didn’t know better I’d be worried he’s taking us out in the middle of the woods for something other than going fishing. Justin backed the jeep up to the water and took the things out of the trunk as I helped Brady out of the car, “You’re going to be good right Monkey?”

“Right Mommy! I’m going fishin!”

“I know darling, you’re very excited. But I don’t want you getting too close to that water alright?”

“Um… ok but I gotta still go close cause I’m fishing. And fishies are in the water. But I’m not gonna fall in; ok Mommy? I’m not gonna fall in.”

“Alright Brady, don’t fall in,” I couldn’t help but laugh. I love him.

Brady ran to Justin and I followed closely behind. “Alright man, are you ready? Be careful with your fishing pole because there’s a hook on the end.” I grabbed the pole from Brady’s hand because I’m pretty sure he’ll hook his eye out.  Justin laughed as he continued, “Alright, you have to get a shiner,” he opened the bucket and Brady looked in but didn’t exactly jump up to grab a fish. “Can you grab one Brady? Or do you want me to get it?”

Brady looked over at me, a look pretty close to terror covering his face, “Go ahead Monkey, you wanted to go fishing.”

“I’ll do mine first, if you want,” Justin smiled but before he could grab a fish Brady stuck his whole arm in the bucket trying to chase a few around. The water splashed out of the bucket as Brady almost jumped in the bucket to get a fish. “Alright man, wait,” Justin laughed as he grabbed Brady’s arm and helped him get a fish.

I sat back and watched Justin teach Brady how to put the shiner on the hook and cast the fishing line out. Brady was definitely having the time of his life; he kept looking back at me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen in my life.  Justin told Brady that you have to wait sometimes for the fish to bite and that’s when you sit back and talk about football.

“I like footballs. I got one you know. It’s red and it has black spider webs and a spider cause it’s Spiderman’s football!”

“That’s pretty cool. Do you play a lot?”

“Yeah, I play wit Mommy. She can throw it good but sometimes she can’t catch it,” he giggled.

“Brady, just sell me out me. I’ll remember that kid.”

Something started pulling at Brady’s line as I spoke. Justin grabbed onto the pole, “You got something Tec, alright, now you have to pull it in.”

“I got something! Mommy I got something! I got a fish! Mommy!”

“I know Monkey, but you have to help Justin get it in. Help him hunny, he needs help.”

Brady ran closer to help Justin pull it in. He seriously caught a huge fish. It was gigantic, Brady was so proud but I’m pretty sure I was more excited.

“Well, we got dinner.” I laughed because I didn’t think he was serious, but apparently I was very wrong, “I’m serious.”

“You can really eat that?”

“Of course, you’ve never had bass?”

“I have, but not like straight from the pond. You know how to cook it?”

He nodded his head, “You have a grill? That’s all I need.”

We packed everything up and headed back to the apartment. Justin wanted to be left alone as he cooked dinner so I decided it was a good time to give Brady a bath and get him ready for bed.  By the time we were back in the kitchen Justin was just finishing up dinner.

“Spiderman huh?” Justin asked with a smile as Brady climbed into his chair with his Spiderman pajamas on, “Are you hungry.”

He nodded his head and smiled, but he’s about ready to fall asleep at the table.

“Here we go. You caught this. Ready?” Justin asked as he placed the fish on the table.

“Brady! Look at that, it looks so yummy. Good job.” I laughed as a smile slid on Brady’s face. Justin started to clap so I joined in, Brady giggled and bowed.

The fish was absolutely amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever had fish that good. I helped Brady get in bed as soon as he finished because he was about to fall asleep at the table. When I came out Justin was already cleaning the table, “You don’t have to cook and clean.”

He smiled, “It’s ok, I’m used to it.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah, so take a break. Sit. I got it.”

I sat down and watched him clean up. I’m getting spoiled. “I didn’t know you were such a chef.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Chloe,” he answered with a smile.

“I guess so. Thanks for taking us fishing, he had the time of his life.”

“So did I, he’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, he is,” I nodded my head, “He’s kind of perfect.”

“Yeah, he gets it from his mother,” Justin smiled and wrapped his arms around me, “Thanks for letting me take you guys fishing.”

I get butterflies when he kisses me, I’m not exactly sure when that started. It hasn’t always been like that.

“Do you think he’s asleep yet?” Justin asked in a whisper.

I nodded my head and turned the lights off as I walked into my bedroom with Justin following close behind. His lips found mine as soon as the door was closed. I felt him smiling as he kissed me, “I’m really glad you let me kiss you now.”

“Me too,” I laughed as he kissed my neck, “Please don’t make me regret it.”

“I would never,” he looked in my eyes as he spoke and made me actually believe him, more than I’ve ever believed anyone in my life. Justin picked me up and placed me on the bed.  He kissed my neck and slowly unzipped my sweatshirt, kissing down my chest as he did so. I felt my sweatpants sliding down my body and felt his lips on my legs, kissing every part of me.

“Justin.”

“What?” he asked with a crooked smile kissing my shoulders as he pushed my sweatshirt down my arms.

“I’m ready.”

“I’m not,” he gave me a look before continuing kissing my body.

I could feel him growing hard against me, “Yes you are. Don’t tease me.”

“You love it,” he smiled before biting at my lip. I managed to get out from under him and pulled his shirt off. Justin sat on my bed, with that half smile covering his face as I unbuttoned his pants. I’m not really one for being teased; I’d rather get it moving along. I straddled his waist and kissed him passionately.  There was no resisting on his part; I think he’s ready now.

Justin wrapped his arms around my back and unhooked my bra, massaging my breast as he kissed my neck. I kneeled up so he could push my panties off and felt his fingers rubbing against me, “You’re so fucking wet.”

“I told you I’m ready,” I whispered in his ear, “Now give it to me.”

I gently lowered myself on him and moaned when he entered me. He feels so fucking good. I wanted to scream, I wanted to call out his name but I knew I had to be quiet. He moved with me, rocking to the same beat as he massaged my breast.

“Oh, fuck Chloe.”

“Shh,” I placed my hand over his mouth, “No screaming.” I felt Justin’s tongue on my hand and replaced it with my lips.

I could feel him tighten inside me and I moved faster with him. “I’m close.”

“Me too baby, let it go.” Justin placed his hand over my mouth and I placed mine over his so we weren’t too loud as we reached our points.  I fell into Justin as I caught my breath and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. It was kind of a weird position we were in, but it didn’t seem weird. It was comfortable. Justin let his grip go and I fell onto my bed.  He lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me immediately.

“You know, we’ve been together for just about twenty eight hours straight.”

“I  know,” I answered with a laugh, “I’m tired.”

I could feel him nodding against my back, “You’re bed is so small, what is it a fucking double? We can hardly even fit on it.”

“Sorry,” I laughed, “It’s usually just me and sometimes Brady but he doesn’t take up much room.”

“I’m going to get you a new bed.”

“I don’t need a new bed, I like this one just fine.”

“Alright then,” he laughed, “You’re going to get a bad back.”

“Shh, I’m tired,” I yawned.

“What time does Brady get up?”

“Usually around 7:30 or 8:00”

He nodded his head and sat up, grabbing onto his cell phone, “I’ll set my alarm for six so I’m gone when he wakes up. Is that cool? Or do you want me to leave now?”

“No, I want you to stay now.”

“OK,” he lay back down and kissed the back of my neck, “Goodnight Chloe.”

“Night Justin.”

 

The sound of Justin’s alarm woke me up at six o’clock in the morning. Surprisingly, I’m not tired. I think we went to bed early last night since we were so busy all day. Justin got out of bed and struggled to get dressed in the dark, since the sun wasn’t up yet.

“You can turn on the light,” I whispered and heard Justin chuckle.

“I’m fine. What are you guys doing today?”

“Well,” I pulled the sheets over my naked body and sat up before turning the light on so I could see him, “Brady has this open house thing for his new school, so we can meet the teacher and get to see the school and everything before he starts. Kindergarten, I can’t believe he’s going into kindergarten.”

Justin smiled as he pulled his shirt over his head, “I’ll call you later?”

“OK,” I stood up and pulled my sweat pants and sweatshirt back on. “Thanks for yesterday; fishing and dinner and the dinosaur hunt. Brady had a lot of fun.”

“Did you have fun Chloe?”

“I did,” I smiled, “Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me.”

“You’re right, get out of my house.” I answered with a smile.

Justin laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he walked out of my room. “I’m going,” he kissed my lips gently before leaving.

I made myself some coffee and sat down in front of the television. I wasn’t really watching television; my brain was working overtime trying to figure out exactly what is going on in my life.  Maybe I’m just overanalyzing everything, but good things like this don’t happen to me. It’s only a matter of time until something happens to ruin everything.

“Mommy’s watching Sponge Bob?” I heard Brady giggle as he climbed on my lap. Why am I watching Sponge Bob?

“Good Morning Monkey,” I hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead, “Did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah, uh huh. Good Morning Mommy, I slept so good. You know why? Cause I was tired cause I caught a fish! Memba? And we ate it too and it was yum yum.”

“I remember Darling, it was yummy.”

“Yeah, uh huh. What are we doing today? I know we can go fishing again. Cause I needa to get another one. I’m gonna get another one.”

“I know hunny, not today though. We’re going to go see your new school. Are you excited?”

He scrunched his nose up, trying to decide if he should be excited or not. He’s a little nervous about going to the big school, but I know he’s going to be ready. He’s definitely smart enough. That’s another one of those things that every parent thinks their child is the smartest. He is though.

“OK, yeah. Then can we go see Justin?”

“Well, he’s busy today but maybe later. I was thinking we could go see Nana?”

“Yeah, uh huh, that’s fun too. Let’s get her flowers too. I wanna tell her all about my fishin trip!”

“She would love to hear about that,” I smiled and hugged him tightly. I’m still not sure if it’s ok for us to talk to a gravestone as if it’s a person. I guess it’s ok, but I’m afraid Brady is going to start thinking his grandmother is a gravestone. Or honestly, I’m afraid I’m going to start thinking that.

“We can play Hungry Hungry Hippos! Wanna Mommy? Wanna?”

“Sure Monkey, go get it.”

As he ran off I grabbed myself another cup of coffee. We’ll have plenty of time especially since that game lasts about twelve seconds. It is a little exciting to me that he plays the same games I played as a kid. It brings back memories, and a part of me gets more into it than he does. But I have to let him win, because he’s five, even though sometimes that’s really hard for me to do.

“I get two, you get one,” Brady said as he pulled it out of the box and placed it on the coffee table. He’s a little cheater.

“Brady, that’s not fair.”

“Yeah huh, cause I’m little and you’re big.”

I laughed at his reasoning, “OK, fine. Cheater.”

“Not uh,” he giggled, “Ready, on your mark, get set go!” he screamed quickly, starting before I could even sit up and reach the pink hippo. This is by far his favorite game, and he laughs the whole time he’s playing.

 The whole table is shaking because he’s pumping those little hippos too hard. “Easy Monkey, you’re going to break it.”

He didn’t answer, just continued trying to get every one of those damn marbles. “It’s broken!” he screamed throwing his hands in the air, “It stopped, Mommy STOP! It’s not fair, I can’t do it anymore it won’t open.”

I stopped and tried to fix the hippo, but instead of doing that the red hippo’s head popped right off. “Oh no.”

“Mommy! His head fell off!”

“I know,” I laughed but stopped when I got the death glare, “It’s ok, relax. We’ll get you a new one. We can go to the toy store after the new school.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face. It is funny though. The hippo’s head popped off.

“It’s not funny Mommy. It’s my favorite game.”

“I know sweetie, I’m sorry. We’re going to get you a new one. Let’s get ready.”

Brady pouted his way to his room and I followed closely behind. He’s mad at me like I purposely took the red hippos head off. Luckily he got over it before we left to see his new school.

I stopped in front of the school and couldn’t even breathe. This isn’t a school. It can’t be his school. It’s a jail, not a school. There are bars on the windows. I felt my heart thumping in my throat. Brady didn’t speak. I looked over at him and he looked back at me. I can’t believe this is where I’m supposed to send my five-year-old son.

“Mommy?” Brady asked in a whisper.

I turned again to face my son, plastering a smile on my face, “I guess this is it sweetie. Let’s go see inside. I bet it’s way nicer in there.”

He looks very worried; I hope I’m hiding my fear because I don’t need to get him more scared. I held onto his hand very tightly as we walked to the door. The sirens going off may have been my imagination, but I highly doubt it. Brady walked faster and I sure as hell didn’t complain. I feel like we need to get inside quick before there’s a drive-by shooting or something.

The school was very old, and smelt like old gym socks. We followed the signs that said “Kinergarten This Way” spelt completely wrong. I wanted to walk out, or actually run out and never look back. But instead, I held onto Brady’s hand tighter and followed the signs. When we found the room the teacher was sitting at her desk talking to one other parent. I checked the clock on the door to see we were five minutes late, so I don’t know where the rest of the people are.

“Hi,” she smiled brightly and stood up. She was wearing a long black skirt with pink flowers and a blue top. “I’m Mrs. Baker, how are you?”

“Hi, we’re good, thank you. I’m Chloe… Young and this is uh, the big guy, ready for Kindergarten, Brady. Say hi hunny.”

“Well hi, nice to meet you,” she seems nice at least, “Welcome. Why don’t you go play with those blocks while I talk to Mom.”

Brady shook his head and hugged my leg as if he were being pulled away.

“OK, it’s alright,” she smiled, “You can sit with Mommy if you want.”

“Come on Monkey, sit with me,” he’s scared to death. I admit I’m scared to death as well. This can’t seriously be his school. I feel like there are drug dealers selling speed in the playground. I sat down and Brady climbed on my lap, he’s usually not like this. The teacher explained everything to us about the class. She’s nice enough; it’s not her I don’t trust. It’s just the fact that there are metal bars on the windows, I’m not sure if it’s to keep the kids in or crazy people out. Either way, it’s creepy. Then there’s the fact that there’s only one other mother in the class on the “Meet Your Teacher Day”. And it’s kindergarten; there should be more parents that care.  And then, of course, I swear I saw bullet holes in the front door of the school. Maybe I’m just paranoid. I hope I’m just paranoid.

As we walked out of the school five kids were sitting on the step, just watching us. I walked really fast but they scared the hell out of me.  I heard one of them say something about being in fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE? They look like they are 18. I can’t deal with this.

“Come on Brady, come on,” I put him in his seat quickly and sped off. I’m not going to be able to have him wear blue or red because we’re probably in gang territory.  “Well, you’re teacher seems real nice.” I couldn’t even look back at him. I cannot send him there. I need to look into private schools or something. I can’t take him there.

I drove right to the toy store, one that was very far from that school. How am I supposed to send him there? This is like a nightmare.

“Why don’t you pick out a new game too Brady? There’s Guess Who? Or Trouble. Mouse Trap is a fun one too, which one do you want?”

“The Mouse one,” he answered quietly. I don’t like that he’s being so quiet and shy now, not that I really blame him.

“Alright,” I grabbed the boxes and walked to the register. At least I don’t have to worry about him wandering away; I don’t think he’ll leave my side for a very long time.

“Thirty-two seventy-five,” the cashier said and I handed her my debit card.

“Do you want to get some ice cream Monkey? Are you doing alright?” Brady leaned his head against my legs and I rubbed his back, “Tired?” I wish I could tell him to stop worrying about the school and he didn’t have to go there. But I don’t know anything about schools and where he could go so I can’t promise him anything until I do some research.

“It’s not going through,” the cashier said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“It says insufficient funds.”

“That’s not possible. There’s plenty of money in there.”

“I’m sorry, it’s not taking it.”

“OK, I’ll call the bank. I can pay with cash,” I opened my walled and handed her two twenties, my last two twenties. How can I not have money in my bank account? Something has to be wrong. I pulled my checkbook out of my purse and checked the log, I haven’t written anything down in months. Shit.

Could I possibly have used all that money? Why did I not write anything down?  Oh my god, I’m going to have a panic attack. Please tell me I do not have only seven dollars and twenty-five cents to my name. I swallowed hard and tried to catch my breath as I grabbed the change, “Thanks you, can you grab the bag Monkey?”

Alright, let’s think about this. I definitely haven’t been at the club for a month. At least a month. And I had to pay off all my mother’s bills and the funeral and stuff. And then there was rent and Brady’s preschool. Oh my god, I seriously have seven dollars and twenty-five cents to my name.

“Mommy, you said we can get some ice cream.”

“Yeah, sure hunny, let’s go.” Breathe, oh my god, breathe.  There goes another $3.29.  Oh my gosh. What am I doing? How could I be so fucking stupid and irresponsible? I fucked up. Big time.

We went to the cemetery on the way home and Brady told my mother all about his fishing trip. I told her, in my head, about how fucked we are and hopefully she’ll send her angels down to help me because honestly I have no idea what to do.

After the cemetery we went back home and played the new games. I couldn’t focus on anything other than money, and how I was going to get money to pay for anything. We don’t even have a lot off food. Justin will have to take us fishing again and we’ll survive on what we catch.

My phone rang while we were playing Hungry Hippos for the tenth time. “I’ll be right back sweetie, keep playing,” I grabbed my cell phone and went into my room. I saw it was Justin and was a little scared to answer it, “hey.”

“Hey Chloe, what are you guys up to?”

“We’re just uh… playing games.”

“Fun. How was the school?”

“Fine. I have to go though, I’m sorry. Brady’s getting a little rambunctious with the hippos.”

“Alright,” he laughed, “Can I take you guys out to dinner in a little while?”

“Oh uh, no,” I answered quickly, “Thanks, but um, I’m not feeling that great.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Just like, upset stomach and stuff,” I lied although my stomach is all messed up from worrying so much.

“Can I bring you something?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“I can come get Brady, take him off your hands for awhile.” Gosh, why does he have to be so perfect?

“No, really I’m fine. I’ll call you tomorrow ok? Bye.”

I hung up on him because I know what I have to do tonight. I know the only way I can make money quick. I also know Justin wouldn’t exactly be excited about that. But I have to do what I have to do to put food on that table.

I need to call Kelly.

 

I sat in my car in front of the club for at least a half an hour before getting the courage to go inside. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, and things have changed so drastically since the last time. I can’t help but think about how upset Justin is going to be when he finds out I’m here. Maybe he won’t find out. Wow, I’m sure doing great in this relationship, already getting ready to lie to him.

It’s not like I don’t know I fucked up. I know. I know I should have done something with the money right away. I know I should have been out looking for a real job as soon as I got paid the first time. But things just happened so fast and now I’m stuck with three dollars and ninety-six cents to my name.

How could I be so irresponsible? It’s not just me; I’m taking care of my son. My fucking son. I’m screwing up his life.  This is the only way I can get enough money to put food on the table and pay my bills for the month. If Justin can’t deal with that then maybe he needs to move on with his life.

From the second I walked into the club I felt all my old fears coming back. There’s just something about being here that makes me feel like I don’t even belong here, I get this bad feeling from the beginning. I walked to the back and quickly got changed, thinking the faster I get out there to earlier I can leave. The truth is I need to stay all night so I can get as much money as possible. I have no money.

I walked to the stage and danced around, leaning and sticking my body in men’s faces so they could stick money wherever they please. I don’t mind this part; it’s the part I can handle. If they get too touchy feely or are too creepy I can just move away. I hate the privates the most because there you’re stranded for a half an hour. There’s no escaping.

After a few songs I walked around, talking and flirting to the guys. I’m not really good at this part because I’m not good at flirting and talking to them, especially the sleezeballs. We’re supposed to make it seem like we want them just as much as they want us, but I’m not an actress. Not even close to one actually. But I’m trying my best, I just keep thinking about the four dollars in my wallet.

“Room 4 Chloe.”

I nodded my head and walked slowly to room 4 for a private. That’s the room Justin’s always in, it’s going to be weird. I need to get over that and just go in there and give the guy a dance and be done with it.  After closing the door behind me I looked to see him sitting in the chair. I couldn’t move, instead I hid in the shadows, hoping I could somehow escape.

“Come into the light darling, let me see you,” he said like he has so many Saturday nights in the past, but this time it was different.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before walking closer to him. He doesn’t look happy. He looks pissed. Real pissed. I sat on his lap; my legs wrapped around the back of the chair and ran my hands though his hair, “Hey.”

“What are you doing here Chloe?”

“What are you doing here Justin?”

“I came to see you,” he pulled my hands away from his chest, “Stop. I’m being serious.”

“How did you know I’d be here?”

“I went to your apartment to bring you some Pepto-Bismol for that stomachache and your friend answers the door.”

Well that’s wonderful, “She just told you where I was?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t get mad at her. I’m very persuasive,” he gave me that crooked smile. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him but felt his finger on my chin making me face him, “What are you doing here Chloe?” he asked again.

“I work here.”

“You work here huh?” he nodded his head, “Every Saturday night.”

“No.”

Justin took a deep breath and threw his head back before looking me in the eye, “I don’t want you to come here anymore.”

I tried to stand up but he wouldn’t let me, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I’m not telling you want to do. I’m asking you. Please Chloe, don’t come here anymore. You don’t need this shit, you’re better than this.”

I looked away from him again because I can’t look into his eyes. “I’m not better than this actually. This is who I am. And if you don’t like it then you can go fuck yourself and find someone who isn’t like this.”

“Chloe come on,” he pulled me back on his lap, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I looked away from him again and I know it was driving him crazy. “Nothing, I’m just working.”

“Why can’t you look me in the eyes then?”

I took a deep breath and managed to stand up, “Look, I’m here to work not to talk. If you want me to dance, I’ll dance. Otherwise, I’m going back out there.”

“No, you’re not. I paid for the next hour, you’re not going anywhere.”

“I don’t have to stay anywhere I don’t want to stay. If I feel uncomfortable I can leave.”

“So now I make you uncomfortable?”

“When you’re asking me a million questions, yes.”

He took another deep breath, “How’s Brady?”

“I told you I don’t want to talk about him here.” I’m being a bitch, I don’t know exactly why, but I can’t stop. It wouldn’t surprise me if Justin just leaves and tells me to fuck off, never looking back. But what am I supposed to do?

“So you want me to leave then?” now he looks hurt, like I stabbed him in the back or something.

“I just…  I mean, if you don’t want a dance I don’t know why you’re here.”

“Cut the fucking bullshit Chloe!” he screamed, louder than I’d ever heard him before, “You hate it here. What’s the problem? If you don’t tell me what the fucking problem is I can’t help you.”

“Who says I want your help?”

“Right. We’re playing it like that. You don’t want my help. You’d rather come to a fucking strip club and dance in your panties than take my help. What about Brady, huh? What’s he going to think when he finds out his mother’s a fucking stripper?”

I grabbed the neck of his shirt in my hands and pulled it tightly like I was going to strangle him. How dare he say that. I put my face right in his, shooting daggers with my eyes, “Don’t you EVER fucking say that again. That’s low, and you know it.”

“Why are you here?” he shot daggers right back at me, he’s not backing down, not even a little.

I looked away from him and bit my lips. He’s not going to let me go before I tell him. I hate to do it though. “I’m here because I’m a fucking failure. OK?  Is that what you want to hear? I said it out loud, now it’s real. I’m a failure. I’m a horrible mother; I’m a horrible person. I have no clue what I’m doing in my life, I’m irresponsible, and I fucked up. Multiple times I fucked up, but now I really fucked up.”

“Stop. Tell me how you fucked up.”

“I have four dollars,” I answered softly, “Not even four dollars. Three dollars and ninety-six cents. I have no food in the refrigerator, nothing. Brady’s growing out of his pants and he starts kindergarten in a week at a school straight out of Dangerous Minds. There are metal bars on the windows and drug dealers hanging out in the playground. The fifth graders look like they’re eighteen and there was one other mother in his class that cared enough to go to Meet Your Teacher Day when they’re kid’s in kindergarten.”

“Calm down,” he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug, calming me down almost completely, “What happened to all the money from before?”

“I’m in huge debt. My mother didn’t have insurance and I’m trying to pay off her funeral and her doctor’s bills and her house.”

“I’ll give you the money.”

I shook my head; “I can’t take money from you.”

“Why not? I’ll loan it to you. I’ll even give you a high interest rate if it’ll make you feel better.”

I laughed quickly and wiped my eyes, “I can’t do that though. What if something happens and we hate each other?”

He shrugged, “Then I’ll send you a bill every month. Look Chloe, I can’t just sit back and watch you come here every night. I can’t just ignore the fact that you’re struggling. You’ve been through a lot of shit. You just need a little help to get you back on your feet and I want to help you. Let me help you.”

“And what, I’m supposed to just sit back and let you pay for everything?”

“No, you can find a job, a real job. Brady’s going to be in school all day, you can work somewhere that you’re home when he’s home. I can get you a job.”

“You can’t do everything. You already do too much.”

“Chloe maybe we found each other for a reason. Maybe it’s all in the plan. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I’ll do whatever I can to give Brady what he needs. You have to let me help though. You can’t feel like you owe me anything. Just seeing you guys happy is all I need.”

“Why are you so perfect?”

Justin laughed, “No one’s perfect Chloe. I just got it lying around; it’s not doing me any good. I’ve been looking for something to invest in and with the high interest rate I’m giving you, I think this will work out wonderfully for me.”

I laughed and kissed him gently, “Thank you. And I know you’re talking shit, but I really am going to pay you back.”

He nodded his head, “We’ll deal with that when the time comes. Now, go get changed. We have some grocery shopping to do.”

I practically ran backstage and couldn’t have changed into my sweats any faster. The thought of never having to come back here is just overwhelming. It makes me a little nervous to be taking money from Justin, ok I’m not going to lie it makes me very nervous. But I will pay him back. And I learned my lesson this time; I’m going to get a real job.

I met Justin out front. He grabbed my hand and led me to a black BMW. “No Jurassic Park car?”

“Nah, it’s taking the night off,” he laughed, “It’s one of those cars you can’t really drive every day.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a little obnoxious, don’t you think? It’s so big and it’s the car you drive if you want people to look at you.”

“Then why did you buy it?”

“I was young and wanted the attention. Plus it reminded me of Jurassic Park and I’ve always had a thing…”

“Shut up,” I laughed as we walked into the store. “Why do you drive it then?”

“Brady gets a kick out of it.”

I smiled as he grabbed a cart. Justin really cares about Brady. I never really expected Brady would have someone like him. I just always thought it would be the Brady and I and that’s it.

Things change.

I did ask my mom for some help. I asked her to send me an angel, and she did.

Thanks Mom. 

 

         “Alright Brady, so, I know that old school was scary and you’re not going to go there. But we’re going to look at a few nice schools. I need you to be on your best behavior and remember to say please and thank you. If they ask you questions you answer nicely and no running around or misbehaving.”

         “Mommy, I know!” he giggled, “Justin said I’m gonna be good.”

         “Oh, so you’re going to be good because Justin said so, not because I said so?”

         Brady smiled like he had been caught and then giggled because he knows I can’t get mad when he giggles like that. It’s not like I’d be mad anyway, I like that he listens to Justin.

         When I pulled into the parking lot to the school I felt like I was in a dream. This is the kind of school I imagined Brady would go to. No bars on the windows, no drug deals going on in the playground. Oh my gosh, look at the size of that playground.

         “Mommy! Look at the playground! Can we go play instead?”

         “Um, no but maybe we can go play after. Sound good Monkey?”

         “Sounds great!”

         I grabbed onto his hand and walked into the school. I need to calm down a little; I’m getting my hopes up. But this place is amazing. We walked in and there was a secretary sitting at the desk in the office. “May I help you?” she asked with a smile.

         “Hi, we have an appointment.”

         “Ms. Young and Brady?”

         “That’s us,” I smiled.

         “You can follow me.”

         Brady swung his hand in mine as we followed her into the principal’s office. I absolutely love this place; I feel like I need to sign on the dotted line and I’m ready to do it. 

         The principal was absolutely amazing. Everything about the school is amazing. I’m in love.

         “You’re interested in signing him up for this year?”

         “Yes,” she asked it like I was kind of crazy for doing that.

         “There’s a waiting list. We’re the most sort after elementary school in the area. There’s a three year waiting list.”

         My heart stopped beating, “Oh. See, we just moved out here,” I lied. I know it’s not good to lie, especially in front of my son, but I really want him to go here.

         “I’m sorry. We can put him on the list, maybe something will open up.”

         I nodded my head, “Thank you. I didn’t realize there was such a wait, I’m sorry to waste your time.”

         “No, not at all. I can give you some information on other schools without a wait list. I’m really sorry we can’t help you.”

         Why does she have to be so damn nice?

         We went to the playground after she gave us more information. As Brady played I looked through different brochures.

         “Mommy?”

         “Brady?”

         “Is this gonna be my school? Cause I like it! I like it soo much.”

         “I don’t think so Monkey, we’re going to keep looking. Tell me when you’re ready, we have a few more places to go.”

         “Oh I know! How’s about McDonalds? I’m getting hungry Mommy. My belly’s going roar!”

         I laughed as he climbed up the latter, “We’ll see. You know Mommy doesn’t like you eating too much McDonalds.”

         “Oh. Yeah. But I get the apples. Too though, not instead. Cause I like French fries too. I get both.”

         “Oh really?” I asked with a laugh.

         “Yeah. And a ice cream cone ok? Cause I like ice cream.”

         “Brady, what am I going to do with you?”

         “You gonna buy me a ice cream cone?” he suggested with a giggle as he slid down the slide. He’s way too perfect to go to a crazy school like the one with bars on the windows. I need to figure something out. “Mommy’s phone!” Brady screamed as my phone rang.

         “Alright buddy, we’re leaving as soon as I’m off the phone, so get all your running around out of the way. Got it?”

         “Got it good.”

         I laughed as I grabbed my phone from my purse. Brady really knows how to keep me smiling. And on the phone is the other guy that gets me smiling, “Hello?”

         “Hello. How’s it going?”

         “There’s a three year waiting list.”

         “What?” I’m glad he’s as shocked as I am. By the way she was talking I thought I was the only idiot that didn’t know.

         “Yeah, I know. Apparently you’re supposed to sign your kid up for kindergarten when he’s two.”

         “That’s ridiculous.”

         “I agree. But she gave me some pamphlets for other schools so I guess we’ll go try some of them.”

         “Sounds like you have a busy day ahead of you.  I can sneak away from here for a couple hours, can I meet you guys somewhere for lunch?”

         “Yeah, that’d be good. Brady’s stomach is going roar,” I laughed.

         “So is mine,” he laughed, “There’s a place down the street from you, Isabella’s. It’s good, is that alright?”

         “Yeah, it’s fine. Hold on. Brady!” that would be my son, climbing on top of the roof of the playground. Seriously, you’d think he’s Evil Knieval’s son. “Get down! Are you out of your mind?”

         Brady giggled and jumped down.

         “He’s out of his fucking mind,” I spoke into the phone.

         “What’s he doing?” Justin laughed.

         “On top of the little roof thing of the playground like he’s king of the world. Hands in the air, waving at the dog walkers as they pass screeching, look at me! Look at me! He’s crazy. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, we’ll meet you there.”

         “Cool, I’m right down the street.”

         “OK, we’ll leave now. See you soon.” I hung up the phone and waved Brady over, “Why are you climbing up on there? You know better.”

         He giggled, “Yeah, sorry Mommy. It looked fun.”

         “Oh well, as long as it looked fun. You need to think, use that handsome little head of yours for something other than holding hats.” I laughed at the look of confusion that covered his face, “Come on Monkey, we’re leaving.”

         “Where we going? To get food right? My tummy’s going ROAR! Like a lion, ROAR!”

         “Alright my friend, let’s go get some lunch. Try not to be too silly though, alright?”

         He’s hyper; the quiet Brady is gone and replaced with the crazy one. I just hope he manages to calm down for lunch. When I pulled into the parking lot of Isabella’s my heart sank a little. This is a cute little bistro type place and I’m sure is wonderful but not exactly a good place for Brady. Justin tries, really hard, but sometimes he just doesn’t get it.

         “Justin’s here!” Brady screamed as I pulled into a spot next to him, “I didn’t know he was comin!”

         “Yeah, he’s here. But you have to good, real good. Promise?”

         “Promise and cross my heart.”

         “What’s up Tec?” Justin asked as he opened the door and helped Brady out of the seat.

         “Hi! I didn’t know you was coming. Are you hungry like me? I’m hungry. My belly goes ROAR! I’m hungry like a hungry hungry hippo! Mommy broked it! She broke my hungry hungry hippo. His head popped off.”

         “OK Brady, relax.”

         Justin laughed, “I am hungry Tec, so it all works out. What’s up Chloe?”  He grabbed onto Brady’s hand and kissed my forehead.

         I smiled like a loser, not knowing exactly what to say. He makes me like, giddy. I haven’t felt that way before.

         “Mommy. This isn’t McDonalds,” Brady said as soon as we walked into the restaurant, “You said we was going to McDonalds.”

         Would you listen to this attitude? “No Brady, I did not say that. I said we’ll see but I don’t like you eating too much McDonalds because you’re going to get a big belly like Santa Claus.”

         Brady pouted, crossing his hands across his chest. “You said I was gonna get apples and French friends AND a ice cream cone.”

         What has gotten into him? This is the first time he’s acted like such a brat in front of Justin. It’s embarrassing. I guess it’s because he’s getting comfortable, but it’s not happening. I gave Brady the look, “you need to stop, right now, or we will leave,” I said sternly, “You’re being very rude. You need to apologize.”

         “Sorry Mommy,” he answered softly.

         “That’s the end of it. This is a nice restaurant. You need to learn to like other places besides McDonalds. Now apologize to Justin for being so rude.”

         “Sorry Justin, I was bein rude.”

         It’s kind of adorable the way Brady apologizes. It’s hard to stay mad at him.

         Justin smiled, “It’s alright man, thanks for apologizing.”

         “I’m sorry.” I said to Justin as I looked through the menu.

         “It’s cool, don’t worry about it,” Justin laughed.

         Luckily the waitress came and brought Brady crayons. That kept him occupied for most of the time while Justin helped me look through the pamphlets. 

         “I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for,” Justin admitted with a smile.

         “Me neither,” I laughed, “I just can’t get paying 20 grand for kindergarten. That’s a little excessive, I mean college costs that much.”

         “Yeah, but if it’s a good education.”

         “How good can it be? I mean he’s five,” I laughed as I looked over at Brady, currently trying to balance the cup of crayons on his head.

         Justin laughed as he looked over at my son. “You have a point.”

         I nodded my head and grabbed the cup from on top of Brady’s head. “I don’t think he needs like a real expensive education, I don’t know if there’s an actual difference between the actual educations. I just don’t want him going to a school with bars on the windows.”

         “We’ll figure it out.”

 

         We did, in fact, figure it out. Not at lunch, but on the drive back to the apartment he called me.

         “I got it,” he said before I could even say hello, “Why don’t we just use my address? I’ll go with you to sign him up. They have good schools over here. It’ll be a bit of a drive, but I mean, it’s free and it’s a good school.”

         And it’s perfect. Obviously they have the best schools where all the huge houses are. I bet all the kids parents’ care and show up to Kindergarten Meet Your Teacher Day.

         The next morning Justin came to pick us up at 7:30 in the morning. Today happens to be the first day of school so he said he’d come with me to sign Brady up in case they give us any problems.

         “So Tec, are you excited?” Justin asked, looking back at him as he drove.

         Brady nodded his head, he looks nervous as all hell. “There’s nothing to be worried about Monkey. You have that new backpack and that new lunch box and that new haircut. You’re ready for Kindergarten!”

         Brady giggled, “And I got new shoes.”

         “That’s right. The all new, big boy Brady.”

         “You know what though, I can’t tie um yet. I’m gonna learn though. Mommy said they gonna teach me stuff like that.”

         “I thinks she’s right,” Justin laughed, “You’re gonna get real smart on us.”

         “I already really smart. I can count to a hundred. Ready? One, two, three, four…” oh god, he’s going to keep going.

         “Look, we’re here!” thank god.

         I grabbed onto Brady’s hand as we made it into the school. He’s so nervous it makes me nervous. I can’t believe he’s going into Kindergarten. My little baby is all grown up.

         “Can I help you?” the secretary asked as we walked into the office.

         “Yeah, we have the big guy here, ready for kindergarten.” I smiled.

         “Sure, fill these out please,” she handed me a clipboard of papers and told us to sit down.

         Justin talked to Brady, calming him down a little as I filled out the papers, “I don’t know your address,” I whispered.

         He took the clipboard from me and wrote it down.

         “Thank you,” I said as I stood up and handed it to the secretary, “We’re all set.”

         “And you live together?” she asked. I don’t know how I feel about lying to her straight out like that.

         “In the guest house,” Justin stood up to respond.

         “Oh, ok. Are you ready for kindergarten Brady? Can we show you to the room?”

         Brady nodded his head but held onto my hand tightly. “He’s a little nervous.”

         “Oh, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Mrs. Little is the best teacher around. You’re going to have so much fun. And there’s a room full of little boys and girls just like you.”

         “I’m a big boy though.” He answered softly.

         The teacher greeted us at the door with a huge smile.  She’s pretty young, and the room is decorated very colorfully and creatively. I love it already.

Brady wouldn’t let go of my hand so I knelt down to talk to him.  “Monkey, you’re going to have so much fun.  Look at the new friends you’re going to make. I want to hear all about them, ok? I want you to be very good, and I’ll see you soon. I love you hunny.”

“I don’t want you to go. Can you stay? Just today?”

“No silly, I’m too old for kindergarten. I wish I could though, I loved kindergarten and you’re going to have so much fun. Give me a hug and a kiss and have fun.”

I know deep down he wanted to cry but he didn’t want to do it in front of everyone. Instead he gave me a hug and a kiss, waved at Justin, and went to sit down on the rug with the other kids.

 I walked out quietly and felt Justin’s hand massaging the back of my neck, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just kind of sad. I can’t believe he’s all grown up. Thanks so much, this school is perfect. I owe you so much.”

“It’s not a big deal, I want him in a good school too.”

“I know.” How did I get so lucky?

 

 

After we dropped Brady off at school we went back to Justin’s so he finish packing. More like start packing. He has to go to New York to do Good Morning America tomorrow morning. I won’t even talk about how weird that is. Not only that he’s going to be on television, but also because he’s going across the country for a day. It seems like a waste.

I don’t know why it worries me that he’s leaving. I guess I just think he’s going to go and realize how stupid he’s being to waste his time on me. I’m paranoid. I get that. I took him to the airport and he gave me an amazing kiss, making me feel like I have nothing to worry about.  When I got back to my apartment I had no idea what to do with myself. This is like the first time I’ve had to myself in a long time. But I’m going to actually look for a job or do something. I’m on the right track now; I’ll find a job.

It was eleven o’clock when my phone rang. I was laying in bed watching television when a smile covered my face once I realized who it was, “Hello?”

“Hey, you sleeping?”

“No, I’m up. How’s New York?”

“Cold, besides that it’s cool. How was the first day?”

I love that he asks about Brady right away. It’s real, like he really cares about Brady, it’s not like he’s just saying it because he knows Brady’s important to me. Brady’s important to him too.

“It was great, he loved it. He made lots of friends, he loves his teacher. He even wanted to go to bed early so he’d be ready for tomorrow.”

Justin laughed, “That’s great, I’m glad he likes it.”

“Yeah, it’s a relief.”

“For sure. How was your day?”

“Good, sent out some applications.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, how about you? Shouldn’t you be out partying?”

He laughed, “Nah, this is it for me. I had to go to a dinner with the restaurant people to see how that’s all going. And then I have the show in the morning so, this is it.”

“Isn’t it real late there?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty late here.”

I giggled like a little schoolgirl, what is wrong with me? “So shouldn’t you go to sleep?”

“Nooo, I’m not tired.”

“You have a show in a few hours.”

“Yeah, that sucks,” he laughed.

“Go to sleep! I don’t want you to be tired in the morning.”

“I’m fine,” he laughed, “I’m used to working without sleep. I’ll sleep on the way home. I want to talk to you.”

Here comes the giggling again, and he thinks it’s funny. He thinks it’s hilarious actually.

“Anyway, what time do you have to get up?”

“Four thirty.”

“Justin! What time is it there?”

“Uh, two.”

“Oh my god, go to sleep!”

He laughed, “I told you I’m not tired. But I’ll let you go.”

“No…”

“Make up your mind!” he laughed, “I get in tomorrow at nine, can I take you guys out for dinner?”

“That’s kind of late for Brady. But you can come over for me.”

“That works,” he laughed, “I’ll bring you some food.”

“Perfect. I’m going to watch you on television in the morning.”

“Alright cool, I’ll do the nose twitch or something.”

I laughed, “Then people are going to think you’re a witch.”

“That’s fine. Alright, I’m going to let you go to sleep and I’m going to… lay in bed and think about how much I wish I was there.” Wow, that’s kind of amazing. He laughed, “That just came out. Not exactly my coolest moment.”

I laughed, “I miss you, have fun. Goodnight.”

“Tell Brady I say hey. Sweet Dreams Chloe.”

I took a deep breath as I closed my phone. What have we gotten ourselves into?

 

         I have been seriously slacking on the whole cleaning thing. I hate to clean as it is, but I’ve been spending so much time with Justin it seems like cleaning hasn’t even been a dot on my radar. It’s not like the house is a mess, it’s just the little things, like I haven’t vacuumed in what seems like years and the laundry is seriously piling up. While Brady was at school I managed to vacuum the apartment and get most of the laundry done. Now I still have an hour before I pick him up and I’m going to sit in front of the television and catch up with Ellen DeGeneres while I finish folding.

         A knock on the door ruined my plans for the afternoon. I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I should be worried about who was there. I had no idea who it could be, but he saw me before I could pretend I wasn’t there. I felt my heart beat in my throat as I opened the door, only a little.

         “Hey Chloe!” He answered with excitement; it had to be fake excitement, why would he be excited to see me? Why would he want to see me? What is he doing here?

         “What are you doing here?”

         “You’re not going to invite me in?” he asked with a smile.

         “Uh… no. I have a restraining order,” he still makes me nervous, to this day. He’s not as scary as he used to be though. He doesn’t look as tough. I think I’m older now and I’m tougher myself, I’ve been through enough shit not to be afraid of a jackass that beat the shit out of me because I wouldn’t have an abortion.

         “You HAD a restraining order Doll, it was only for two years. Come on Chlo, let me in, I’m a changed man.”

         “What are you doing here?” I repeated.

         “I want to see you, I want to see my son.”

         No, no NO! He will not see MY son, there is no way I will let that man within a fifty-foot radius of MY son. 

         “Is he in there?” he continued.

         “No Gabe, he is not. Leave, or I will call the cops.”

         He laughed, full out laughed, “Doll, I’m not doing anything wrong.”

         “You beat the shit out of me!”

         “I was seventeen, that was six years ago. I’ve changed, I’ve grown up.”

         Nobody grows up from that. It doesn’t happen. “Please go away.”

         “Look Chloe, I’m not here to start shit. I just want to talk.  I’m not going to just leave, I came all the way out here to talk to you.”

         He’s not one to just leave, and I know he’ll stay around here until I’m outside with Brady or something. I can’t have him see Brady. I don’t trust him. “Wait a minute,” I closed the door and grabbed onto my cell phone. I’m supposed to pick Brady up in an hour. I called Kelly but she didn’t answer, she must be working. What the hell am I going to do?

Perhaps against my better judgment I called Justin, he answered after two rings, “Hey Chlo.”

“Hi, can you do me a huge, huge favor and go pick Brady up from school in an hour and take him back to your house?”

“Yeah, sure,” he sounds confused, please don’t ask questions, “I can take him back to your place.”

“NO!” I shouted but caught myself, “No, thank you, I’ll come get him at your house. It won’t be too long, maybe an hour or so. Thanks so much Justin.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Mmhmm,” I answered quickly.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I just… something came up. Just take him to your house though, ok?”

“I will.”

“K. Thanks. I have to go,” I hung up the phone and walked out to let Gabe into my apartment.

         He smiled an arrogant smile and walked right past me and into my apartment as if he lives there. He didn’t even wait for me to invite him in.  “So Chloe, what have you been up to?” he asked with the smile still on his face. He sat down on my couch and even had the audacity to pat the spot next to him so I would sit down with him. Obviously I didn’t sit; I just stood there staring at him with my arms crossed across my chest. “OK,” he chuckled, “How have you been? I missed you.”

         This can’t be happening. It has to be a nightmare, “How did you find out where I live?”

         He ignored my question, “How’s your mother doing? I haven’t seen her in…”

         “She’s dead. What do you want Gabe?”

         “I already told you, I want to see you. I want to meet my son. She’s dead? Really? When the hell did that happen?”

         “Really?” I asked out of disbelief. I’m trying to be tough, but I can’t take much more of it. I’m shaking and I feel sick to my stomach, and I’m scared, I’m so fucking scared of him.

         “Well fuck, how am I supposed to know? You just left, overnight, never told me where you were or what the hell was going on.”

         “Because you beat the SHIT OUT OF ME!” I screamed, “Are you serious? I’m supposed to leave you a forwarding address when the reason why I left is because cause I was scared you’d beat me up again?”

         He laughed, “You’ve always been dramatic Chloe. You act like I killed you.”

         “You tried to kill me but you couldn’t go through with it. And luckily for me my mother came home. And you tried to kill Brady.”

         “Brady? That’s his name? Brady?”

         “What did you think I’d name him after you?”

         Gabe laughed, “That mouth of yours, always got you in trouble. It’s good to see some things never change.”

         “What do you want Gabe? Why are you here?”

         He took a deep breath and threw his head back before speaking, “You still don’t listen huh? How many times do I have to tell you the same fucking thing before it sinks in?”

         OK, and now he’s right back to the way I remember. “Can you please leave my house?”

         “I would love to leave your apartment Chloe, but I didn’t drive all the way out here to see you for a minute and then drive back.  Where is he?”

         “Why do you want to meet him? You’ve gone this long without meeting him and then what? You just woke up one day and realized, hey wait I have a son, maybe I should stop playing the deadbeat dad card and actually meet him? I call bullshit Gabe.”

         “I didn’t come out here to fight with you Chloe. He’s my son, I have the right to see him,” he answered calmly.

         “You’ve lost all rights when you never even tried to contact us within the first five years of his existence. Not even to mention the whole trying to kill him by throwing me down the stairs thing.”

         “That was an accident.”

         “Not even your mother believed you on that one Gabe, not even your mother.”

         “You’re a fucking bitch Chloe, just like I remembered.” He spoke quietly, almost under his breath, “Don’t you want to know how I’ve been?”

         Not really jackass, I kind of enjoyed not knowing anything about him. I liked having the ability to dream up what happened, like that a million killer bees attacked him, each stinging him multiple before he died very slowly and painfully.

         “Well I went to Harvard, as you know, graduated a year early, cum laude. Then I got a job, right away, back home at Johnson & Johnson. I started at the bottom, you know how that works, but then moved right on up. Here we are, three years later and you’re looking at the youngest vice president of advertising in company history.”

         I was trying to fold the towels as he spoke so I wouldn’t have to concentrate completely on him. But when he finished I couldn’t move. The youngest vice president in company history? “You’re vice president?” I screamed, throwing the towel down while he gave me that cocky smile, “Are you fucking serious?”

         “I am. That’s pretty impressive, isn’t it?”

         “How long have you had that job?”

         “About two years,” he’s like proud of himself.

         “OK, wait” I stood up throwing my hands in the air, “You’re telling me that you have this job where you make 6 figures, right?” he nodded his head, still fucking proud, “Do you have ANY IDEA the shit I had to do to put food on that fucking table for my son?” I threw the towel at him and paced around the room, “Do you have any fucking clue Gabe? You’re here, driving a fucking Mercedes and you have no idea what I had to do to survive with my son.”

         “What you had to do?” he laughed, “Like what Chloe? Clue me in.”

         “You are fucking ridiculous. Do you get that? Fucking bullshit. I had no money Gabe, no fucking money and I had to…” I stopped myself before I actually said it; “I had to do so much shit to put food on that table for my son. I knew you had money, we all know your parents have more money than God himself. God forbid, anything ruin their fucking reputation but now you make 6 figures on your own?!?!” I screamed, “Did you ever think maybe we could have used some of that? Did you ever think, oh shit, I wonder what happened to that girl I fucked and got pregnant and threw down the stairs when she wouldn’t get an abortion? Oh wait a minute, shit; she didn’t get an abortion, which means I have A FUCKING KID! Did you ever stop for a second and think about how the fuck we were getting by?”

         “You seem to be getting by just fine.” I really might kill him. I might have to.

         “You have no idea what I had to do!”

         “Or who you had to do, right Chloe?” he asked with a half smile.

         “Get out of my house,” I replied softly.

         Gabe laughed, “I said I wasn’t leaving until I saw my son.”

“I won’t let you see him.”

“Then I’m not going to leave. What are you going to get your pop star boyfriend to come kick my ass?”

“Fuck you.”

“I did fuck you. Many times and look what that got us. You were a good fuck though; I’ll give you that. A real good fuck,” he moved a strand of hair behind my head and I got chills. I was frozen, I couldn’t even move even though I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. Or at least cry, I’m probably more likely to cry. “I remember exactly how you like it. Do you remember how I like it, Doll?”

I slapped his hand away from rubbing up my leg, “I want nothing to do with you. Nothing.”

“Well,” he laughed, “We have a kid together so, that’s going to be awful hard. You should have thought of that before you decided not to have an abortion. I tried warning you but, once again, you just don’t listen.”

“I’ll call the cops.”

“Your phone is right here next to me so, I’m not really worried.”

“People come to check on me all the time. I have lots of friends, that are boxers and UFC wrestlers…”

He laughed, “I’m sure you do Chloe,” he rubbed my leg again, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“So you’re here to get laid? Is that what this is all about?”

“That’s just an added bonus bitch.”

“You’ll go to jail. Do you want to go to jail? I hear they have a soft spot for rapist and wife beaters in the big house.”

Gabe laughed again, grabbing my jaw in his hand, “You really need to learn when to shut the fuck up. I have good lawyers.”

“Me too. My boyfriend has the best lawyers money can buy.”

“Your boyfriend,” he mimicked. It did sound weird calling Justin my boyfriend, I’m not exactly sure if he is. “We’ll see then. I’m not worried. I’m the fucking VP Chloe, who are they are going to believe?  VP of Johnson & Johnson, Harvard graduate, a year early or a fucking prostitute.”

“I am not a prostitute. Get out of my house.”

“You know what, I think I am ready to go,” he stood up and walked towards the door and I felt my heart start beating again.

“And don’t ever come back!”

He laughed and walked back to me, grabbing my jaw once again, “That mouth, getting you in trouble again. When are you going to learn Chloe? I will be back, don’t you worry. And I will see my son. I’m not going to tell you when I’m coming back, I’d rather you fear it, every fucking day because you’re a bitch, and you deserve to be treated like one. I’ll see you soon Doll.” He kissed me on the lips and shoved his nasty ass tongue down my throat before laughing and pushing me away. “You have a good night.”

         The second he got left I ran to lock the door and fell to the ground crying. I really thought I would never have to see him again. What the hell am I going to do now? Just when things start to look up, he has to come back and fuck everything up again. I don’t know what to do. I can’t let Gabe see Brady. I don’t trust him for a second and he made it pretty clear that I shouldn’t. If he did all that to me, what is he going to do to a little boy? I can talk back and I can hit back but Brady can’t. Brady won’t.  I have to go get him so Justin doesn’t freak out.

         Shit, Justin. What am I going to say to him? He’s going to want to know why I couldn’t pick up Brady. This is a disaster, a pure disaster.

         I quickly washed my face and put makeup on to cover my puffy eyes. No more crying, I need to straighten myself out. I locked the door carefully as I left, looking around before I walked down the open hallway. I was still nervous and breathing heavily that I jumped three feet in the air and screamed when I rounded the corner and almost bumped into Justin.

         “Whoa, sorry, you all right?” he answered with a smile that quickly slid off his face when he saw my face. I guess I didn’t clean myself up as well as I though, “What’s going on, are you ok?”

         I nodded my head, unable to move, but when he pulled me into a hug it almost felt like we’d get through this. “Where’s Brady?”

         “At my house. Trace is there and Rachael and… I didn’t want to bring him, you said not to bring him.”

         “I said that I’d come get him.”

         “I know but you sounded weird on the phone. I wanted to make sure everything was all right. Why didn’t you want me to bring him here? Is something going on?”

         “No, I just didn’t want to make you come all the way down here.” I lied.

         Justin nodded his head and grabbed onto my hand, “Well it didn’t work, I came anyway,” he answered with a smile. Could he actually be falling for it?

         I forced a smile and reminded myself to take deep breaths. I wanted to cry and fall into his arms and tell him everything. I want him to protect Brady and me and make sure Gabe is out of the picture completely. “Is Brady being alright?”

         “Oh yeah, he’s fine. He was a little surprised that I went to pick him up, so were the other kid’s mothers,” he laughed, I’m sure they were, “This one lady, was looking at me for two minutes straight, I’m telling you, no blinking or anything, I thought there was something wrong with her. I tried talking to her, nothing.”

         That’s cute; I could just see Justin standing there trying to make conversation with this lady.  “But yeah, he’s behaving,” Justin continued, “He was playing wiffle ball with Trace and Rachael. They were having a ball with him. He’s a fun kid,” he laughed, “He wanted to go swimming, but it’s up to you. Why don’t you get your suits? It’s hot out, you guys can cool off for a bit.”

         I nodded my head automatically; I would like to be as far away from this place as possible. The thought of being here, alone with Brady when Gabe is going to come back any time makes me sick to my stomach. 

“Were you having fun with Trace and Rachael?” I asked Brady as I changed him into his bathing suit.

         “Oh yeah Mommy, I had real fun. I’m good; Rachael said I was real good. And I got a home run. No, no, I got two of them. Do you know what that is Mommy?  Trace said that’s when you hit the home and run. And that’s what I did, I hit the home and then I run around and around again. So then I was hot and I said I want to go swimming and Rachael said I hadda wait for you. So I wait and wait and wait some more and then you come with Justin! And you bring my bathing suit! And now we getting ready to go swimming!”

         “It’s amazing how things work, isn’t it,” I smiled as I pulled him into a very tight hug. I don’t think I ever want to let go, “I love you Monkey.”

         Brady giggled, “Mommy! I love you too! But I wanna go swimming.”

         “I know but you need some sunscreen first. “

         “It’s not even sunny out,” he pouted. What is it with him and sunscreen? You’d think I’m forcing him bathe in hot lava.

         “It’s very sunny out Brady, did you look outside? If you don’t think it’s sunny then you shouldn’t go swimming.”

         “Ok, OK it’s sunny!”

         “OK, OK” I laughed, “You’re done. But first, you need to give me a kiss,” he kissed me quickly and I had to grab his hand so he wouldn’t run away, “And you need to make sure you only go in the water if someone’s with you and they know you’re in. Understand?”

         “Yes!”

         “All right, go ahead darling,” I slapped his bottom as he went running out of the house.  He’s out of control; you’d think he hasn’t been swimming in years. Although Justin’s pool is pretty amazing. When I got outside Trace was already in and Brady was about to jump in the pool. “Brady, wait for me.”

         “It’s cool Chloe, I’ll watch him,” Trace offered.

         “No, I’ll come in. It’s just going to take me a minute, its kind of cold,” I laughed.

         “I got it, you’re fine.”

         “Thank you,” I smiled as I put the towels on a chair and looked around for Justin. He seems to have disappeared. This whole place is like its own resort, it’s so beautiful. I should probably go swimming so I Trace doesn’t have to watch Brady.

         I stood up and walked towards the pool just as Justin was coming out of the house. He put an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, speaking softly, “My mother just called and, you know how she likes to surprise me?” I nodded my head, “She got in, at LAX, she’s on her way over here now. I just wanted to let you know. I mean I want you to stay. But I understand if you want to go. She wants you to stay, she wants to see you again and meet Brady, but it’s completely up to you.”

         Oh gosh. I don’t necessarily want to meet Justin’s mother, especially since the last time I don’t think I was very nice. And now that we’re actually together I’m afraid she’s going to hate me. But I don’t want to go home either. “We’ll stay.”

         “Perfect, thanks,” he smiled and turned his back to the pool so he was covering me from Brady before kissing me.  A very nice kiss, all of his kisses are very nice but this was an extra nice one. I’m a complete loser.  “We’ll grill up some burgers.” He kissed my forehead quickly before jumping into the pool.

         I made my way into the pool slowly. I never understood how people could jump right in the water like it’s nothing. I’m definitely not one of those people that can do that.  As soon as I managed to get all the way in Justin’s mother walked into the yard.

         “Hey Mama,” Justin said as he got out of the pool and wrapped a towel around his waist before hugging his mother.  He’s so gorgeous. Like, fucking. Gorgeous. OK Chloe, focus.

         “Brady,” I whispered and waved him over as Justin talked to his mother. “That’s Justin’s Mommy, so let’s get out and say hello, ok? We can come back in later on.” He was too busy staring at her to disagree. I laughed, “Brady.”

         “Yeah Mommy?”

         “Oh man, holy moly. I think we need to clean those ears out. Let me see, is there something in there?”

         He giggled as I grabbed him and looked in his ear, “No Mommy, there’s nothing in there!”

         “Are you sure?”

         “Yes Mommy, I’m sure.”

         “Alright then, I trust you,” I laughed as I helped him out of the pool before wrapping a towel around him.

         “It’s cold Mommy,” he giggled, “I’m cold.”

         “I know. We can change you up in a minute ok?” I said as I rubbed his shoulders, “Let’s go say hello first.”

         Justin smiled as we walked over to him and his mother, “You remember Chloe, right Mama?”

         “Of course I remember her.”

         “It’s so nice to see you again. I’d give you a hug but I’m soaking wet and I don’t want…”

         She hugged me before I could finish, “It’s alright sweetie, I don’t mind. It’s so good to see you again. And this must be Brady.”

         “Yes, this is Brady. Say hi sweetie.”

         “Hi,” he answered softly, hiding behind my leg. I’ll never understand why he gets so shy in front of new people, although, I guess that’s a good thing. I sure don’t want him talking to strangers.

         “This is my Mama Tec, do you think I look like her?” Justin asked leaning his head against his mothers and plastering a goofy smile on his face.

         “No,” Brady giggled, “She’s your Mama?”

         “Yeah man, cool huh? Do you want to help me make some burgers?”

         Brady got excited but I had to break his little heart for a second, “We have to get you changed first, you’re shivering. Then you can help Justin.”

         “OK. I go get changed quick then I help Justin,” Brady smiled before grabbing my hand and dragging me back into the house. I had to change him up quickly because he couldn’t wait to get outside and help Justin. While they were working on dinner I sat with Justin’s mother. She’s really sweet and has a lot of nice things to say about Brady. She also feels the need to tell me how great Justin is with kids, as if I didn’t know that already, and how he’s always been around kids since he’s from such a big family. Then she told me how she couldn’t wait for grandbabies and since he’s her only son he’s her only hope and she doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. I just smiled, until she asked me if I want more kids and that’s when Justin saved me. Thank goodness.

         After we ate we moved to the living room to talk some more and watch a movie. Brady was busy coloring in the new coloring book Justin’s mother gave him. She’s like, in love with Brady. It’s pretty obvious she loves having kids around. I was a little worried that she would find the whole thing a little weird. I mean most mothers wouldn’t be too fond of their only son dating a girl already with a child. But she’s just happy, and sweet, and loves Brady. Not that I can blame her.

         Justin’s mother told us she was tired from the flight and going to go up to bed. After that, I must have dozed off on Justin’s shoulder because I don’t remember anything else, “Are you sleeping?”

         “No,” I answered softly, unable to open my eyes.

         He chuckled, “I should take you guys home.”

         “That’s ok,” I still don’t want to go home. Even after the amazing afternoon I still don’t want to go anywhere near home now that Gabe is back in the picture.

         “Brady’s sleeping.”

         “That’s ok.”

         “He has school tomorrow. Did you bring him a change of clothes? You can stay if you want, but we should put him in a bed.”

         What’s with him being so mature? “Yeah,” I yawned, stretching my arms over my head, “I guess we should go.”

         Justin smiled, pulling me closer, “We can go get him some clothes.”

         “That’s ok. I wish you could come back with us, but you’re mom’s here so…”

         “Nah, I can come,” he broke in, “She’s sleeping. I’ll come back after we bring Brady to school, she’ll probably still be asleep.”

         That would make me feel much better, but I still feel that it’s kind of wrong making him stay with me when his mother is here. “Are you sure?”

         “Yeah, definitely. Let’s go though, it’s late.” Justin said as he stood up and went to write a note to his mother. I tried to pick Brady up so he could still sleep but I’ll tell you, he’s getting so heavy. I can still carry him, but it’s almost at the point that I can’t. That makes me very sad.

         “I’ll get him,” Justin laughed in a whisper, “you look like you’re struggling.”

         “He’s getting so big.”

         I had to stop myself from literally saying “aww” when Justin carried Brady. It was so cute; Brady was resting his head on Justin’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his neck. My heart was melting.

         “Are you alright?” Justin asked with a smile.

         I nodded my head and followed him out to the car, “Thanks for dinner and everything, as always.”

         Justin smiled, “You’re welcome, as always.”

         When we got back to the apartment I made sure we walked in quickly. I’m about sure that Gabe isn’t just hanging around, but it is a possibility. He probably won’t come back for a while, just because he wants me to go crazy waiting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never even came back. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know why he decided to come now or how he even knew where we are.

         I put Brady to bed and then went right to bed myself. It was a few minutes after we were lying down that Justin spoke. I could tell he couldn’t get comfortable and had something he needed to say. “Does you wanting me to stay over have anything to do with why you called me to pick up Brady?”

         It has absolutely everything to do with why I wanted you to pick up Brady. But I really didn’t feel like getting into that so I decided I’d pretend I was asleep instead. I don’t know exactly why I’m not telling him everything. I think it’s because I’m scared. I have so many issues and I’m afraid he’s about at his breaking point with what he’s willing to deal with.

         “Are you sleeping already?”

         I’m pretending I’m sleeping, yes.

         “Chloe?” he whispered and I felt him sit up and come closer, like he was looking to see if my eyes were closed, “Alright. Goodnight Chloe.” He kissed my forehead before lying back down and wrapping his arms around me. I heard him take a deep breath and I feel like he’s close to that point of leaving already. 

         “Mama, what’s up with all them boxes?” Brady said the second I opened the door to the apartment.

         I laughed at the way he spoke, but quickly was brought back to reality. “We are… moving. So we need to pack.”

         “Moving? How come?”

         “I just think we need to find a nicer apartment. Maybe one a little closer to school.”

         Brady looked at me as if I were crazy, “So how come we got boxes?”

         “We need to put all of our things in the boxes, so it’s easier to move.”

         “Ohhhh. All our stuff?” I nodded my head, “OK. I help Mama.”

         “Thank you Monkey, it’ll be fun.” I dead bolted the door shut and made sure to pull all the curtains down. I had to go buy more curtains the day after Gabe showed up, just in case he decided to pop back in. This way he won’t even know we’re here and I don’t have to worry about him looking in the windows.

         “Lots of fun! Cause I can throw it in the box, like this!” he said as he threw a bottle of water in the box.

         “OK, except we can’t throw things in, we need to place them neatly so we can fit more. And we don’t need to take water. I’ll tell you what to pack. OK?”

         “Um, ok. But first I gotta have my snack.”

         “Oh, of course. The snack is the most important thing,” I smiled as I walked into the kitchen, “So you were good in school?”

         “Oh yeah! I got a smiley face! Wanna see it?”

         “Yes, of course I want to see it.”

         “Ok.” He smiled and grabbed his folder from his backpack, “Do you see it? A big green smiley face! Cause I was extra good. And Mrs. Little said cause I got all green smiley faces I get to pick from the treasure box. AND I got a sticker! I got these glasses, wanna see them?” I nodded my head as he pulled out a pair of adorable alligator sunglasses and placed them on his face, “Aren’t they cool? Now you know, I can be a alligator when I want.”

         “Oh my goodness! Ahh!” I threw my hand over my heart, “Oh gosh, I was scared for a minute there Brady. I thought there was an alligator in my house.”

         He giggled and took the glasses off, “It’s just me Mama.”

         “Why are you calling me Mama? You never call me Mama.”

         “Justin calls his mommy Mama and I wanna be just like him!” he smiled, “Where is he? How come he didn’t come over?”

         “He’s been busy,” although I haven’t exactly been going out of my way to talk to him. He’s been calling but it’s been late, and I haven’t really been calling him back. I’m not exactly sure why. I just think I need a few days to sort my thoughts out. “How about a s'more for a snack?”

         “OH! YAY! Them are my favorite Mama! My favorite!”

         “I know Monkey,” I laughed, “They’re my favorite too!”

         “I know Mama!” It’s weird for him to call me Mama, I mean it’s been five years of him calling me Mommy… well I guess not five years, he wasn’t talking since he was born. All right Chloe, relax.

         “Do you have homework tonight?”

         “Yeah, I gotta do a paper. It’s called A is for Apple and I gotta find all the pictures that start with a and color them.”

         “That sounds kind of tricky.”

         “No suh Mommy, I mean Mama,” he caught himself quickly and giggled, “it’s easy peasy.”

         I grabbed the paper plate from the microwave and took a s’more for me before sliding the plate in front of Brady. I grabbed his folder; looking through on the papers he finished, “So do you like your new class?” he seems to be doing amazingly well.

         “Oh yeah! I like it and I have fun. Oh, and it’s my snack day on Monday, so I gotta remember to bring my favorite snack. I said I wanna bring ice cream but she said I can’t. Then I said I wanna bring popsicles but she said I can’t.  So then I say I wanna bring those icy things and guess what she said?”

         I laughed, “Did she say you can’t?”

         “Yeah!”

         “Oh man. We’ll think of something good that’s not frozen.”

         “Yeah, like push up pops!” Oh my goodness, he’s lost it.

         “No, not so much like push up pops. More like crackers or grapes.” Brady was too busy playing with the marshmallow of his s’more to pay attention to me. I laughed as I grabbed a rag to clean him up, “Maybe we should do your homework now.”

         “No, that’s ok. It won’t take long Mama, I think we should pack first.”

         There was a knock on the door and Brady ran to answer it. He opened the curtain first and I screamed, “NO! Brady, get away from the door! What are you doing? Get back here! What did I say about that? You don’t EVER go near the door. If someone knocks you stay where you are and make sure they can’t see in the window.  Get over here!”

         “Sorry Mommy, I was just checking. I forgot,” now he’s crying.

         “I know, I’m sorry for yelling,” I grabbed him in my arms, “it’s just really important that you never go near the door, alright hunny?” I kissed his forehead as he nodded his head. I’m paranoid, but I’m scared it’s going to be Gabe again and the last thing I want is for him to even see Brady.

         Brady sat down on the rug and began throwing towels in the boxes as I went to the door. I took a deep breath and looked out the peephole. My heart started to beat at a normal pace when I saw Justin standing outside. “Hey,” I opened the door and pulled him inside quickly before locking the door.

         “Hey,” he answered looking around the apartment. I watched, as he looked at the boxes then at all the curtains and how every window was blocked, “What’s going on?”

         “We packing!” Brady shouted from the ground, “Hi Justin!”

         “Hey, what’s up man?” he asked still looking around the room. I sat down on the ground and folded the dishtowels before putting them in the box.  “What are you packing for?”

         “We’re moving.” Brady answered.

         “Where are you moving?”

         “I don’t know. Mama, where are we moving? Oh! I know! We’re moving closer to my school.”

“What’s with all the curtains?”

“We need privacy!” Brady giggled, pronouncing the word privacy completely wrong. He did ask me that same question and I gave the exact answer.  “Guess what Justin? I got a green smiley face cause I was so good in school. So I got to pick from the treasure box AND I got a sticker. It’s a truck! The sticker is, but I got alligator glasses from the treasure box,” he paused to giggle, “And I put them on and Mommy said OH MY GOODNESS! Cause she thought there was an alligator in the house! But I said no way Mama, it’s just me!”

         “Chloe, where are you moving?” Justin asked, ignoring Brady completely.

         “Wanna see um Justin? I bet I’ll scare you too!” he ran off to get the glasses and jumped in front of Justin, “AHHH! Scared you! Look, I’m a alligator ROAR!”

         “That’s cool, can you give me a minute with your mom?” Justin asked, “Go to your room or something,” he suggested.

         “Oh. How come? I’ll be good. I wanna play with you. I wasn’t being bad, I promise.”

         “No, you’re in trouble Tec, I just need to talk to Mom for a minute.” I think I’m the one that’s in trouble.

         “Brady here, take a box and pack up some of your shoes.” He took the box and pushed it into his room while I finished with the towels.

         Justin sat down on the couch and waited until Brady was safely in his room before speaking, “Where have you been the past few days? You haven’t been returning my calls…”

         “Yeah, sorry, I’ve just been busy and I knew you were recording so I didn’t want to interrupt.”

         He nodded his head, clearly not buying my bullshit, “Where are you moving to?”

         “I’m not exactly sure. Is your mother still here?”

         “No, she left this morning. What’s with the curtains?”

         “I just don’t really like it wide open. We need more privacy.”

         He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. He leaned forward and spoke softly, “I’m getting really sick of the bullshit Chloe.”

         “It’s not bullshit, I just…”

         “Give me a fucking break, I’m not an idiot,” he still kept his voice down so Brady couldn’t hear him, “You have so many fucking secrets, I don’t know why you can’t just tell everything. You can’t keep secrets relationships don’t work like that. I don’t keep any secrets from you. I can’t read your mind; I can’t keep trying to guess what it is that’s bothering you. I can’t help you if you don’t let me help you.”

         “I don’t have any secrets.”

         Justin took a deep breath and leaned back on the couch. He’s ready to break, I can tell. “Right, of course not. Then why haven’t you had any contact with me in three days? Why do you have curtains up like you’re in hiding? Why are you packing all your shit when you don’t even know where you’re moving to? Why is the door fucking bolted shut? Why do you pull me in as if there’s someone out to get you? Why do you scream at Brady when he gets close to moving the curtain out of the way to see who is at the door? Why did you call me to pick up Brady at school and then jump three feet in the air when I saw you? Why didn’t you want to go home that night? Why did you want me to stay over? What the fuck is going on Chloe?”

         I stood up and walked into the kitchen to get away from his twenty questions, “Are you staying for dinner? I made lasagna, it’s almost ready.”

         “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” he spoke louder this time as he followed me into the kitchen, “Are you fucking listening to me at all?”

         “Yes, I’m listening,” I answered softly as I put the garlic bread in the oven, “But Brady’s…”

         “In his room,” Justin broke in, “He’s in his room.”

         “I know, but I can’t get into it now. Just wait until he’s in bed and I’ll tell you everything. I promise, please just wait.”

         I felt his arms around my waist, “I’m waiting. This lasagna better be good,” he answered with a smile.

         “It is. It’s my mom’s secret recipe.”

         “Sounds good to me,” he kissed me quickly before heading towards the window, “It’s so dark in here, can’t you let any light in?”

         “No, please don’t.” I grabbed onto his arm and he stepped back, “Sit down, it’s ready. Brady sweetie, wash your hands and come out here, dinner’s ready.”

         Justin grabbed the plates from my hands and placed them on the table as I grabbed the bread from the oven. Brady came running out, “Oh hi Justin! Are you staying for dinner?”

         “He is, did you wash your hands?” I asked Brady. He nodded his head, “Let me see them.” Brady slowly held his hands out, he lies, “Wash your hands!”

         “I did,” he giggled.

         “No you didn’t,” I giggled back, “Brady, please.”

         “OK, I’ll do it again. But this time I’ll use soap.”

         “What a great idea,” I laughed as he walked back to the bathroom and I heard the sink go on.

         Justin laughed as he sat down at the table, “You didn’t specify, I can see where there would be some confusion.”

         I rolled my eyes as Brady came running out again, “Let me see,” I grabbed onto his hands, “Oh, so perfect. Next time let’s do it that way first, ok?”

         “OK, I don’t like soap though.”

         “We bought the good soap that smells like strawberries!”

         “I know, but you know what Mama, it don’t taste like strawberries.” Brady answered seriously shaking his head.

         I threw my hands in the air as I laughed, Justin looks like he’s about to fall over from laughing, “I don’t think you’re supposed to eat it Tec.”

         “Oohhh.”

         The remainder of the night went amazingly well. We looked like a family. Brady told all his stories to Justin and Justin laughed and told his own stories. As I cleaned up dinner Justin sat and helped Brady with his homework. This is like a dream come true, I know I think that a lot, but Justin’s interaction with Brady keeps getting better and better. Or at least more fatherly. That worries me, especially since as soon as Brady’s asleep I have to tell Justin all about Gabe and he’s going to freak the fuck out and want nothing to do with us again.

         “It’s just about eight,” Justin said with a smile.

         I took a deep breath and threw my head back. Justin laughed, but this night went by way too fast.  “Come on Monkey, time for bed.”

         “No, no no no! A little longer, please Mama? I’m not even tired.”

         “Oh, you’re tired. You’re so tired. You had a big dinner, you got to play with Justin, I’d say you had a real good night. But now it’s time for bed, so say goodnight.”

         “Goodnight Justin,” he answered softly before giving Justin a hug, “Thanks for helping me with my homework.”

         Whoa. I didn’t even have to tell him to say thank you. That’s pretty impressive, he’s getting really good with those manners.

         “Anytime buddy, goodnight.”

         Brady waved one more time before I followed him into the bathroom to get him washed up. I read him a story and usually he wants me to read another one but unfortunately for me he fell asleep right away. I guess he was more tired than we thought. I seriously considered pretending he wasn’t asleep so I could read him another story and not go back out to Justin.

         Justin was still sitting on the couch when I walked out of Brady’s room and to the kitchen, “Do you want some coffee?”

         “No, I’m good.”

         “Soda? Milk? Push Up Pop?”

         “Chloe, you said…”

         “I know I’m just getting some coffee. Do you want any?”

         “Yeah, sure.” He gave in walking into the kitchen, “But we can still talk while it’s brewing.”

         I chose to ignore that last part and grabbed two mugs from the cabinet.  “I have some leftover sugar cookies, Brady helped me so there might be some eggshells but I’m pretty sure I got them all out.”

         “I don’t want any cookies, Chloe.”

         “They’re good, made from scratch, none of that cut and bake shit.”

         “How long are you going to stall for? It’s getting late.”

         “I’m not stalling, I just need something sweet before bed,” Justin laughed at my response.

         “Do you not trust me? Is that what this is about?”

         “No,” I answered quickly, “No, of course not. I trust you, like so much.”

         He nodded his head as he stirred some sugar into his coffee, “Then what’s the problem?”

         I sat down next to him, playing with the rim of my mug, “I have issues.” I answered honestly, afraid to look him in the eye.

         “I know, everybody has issues Chloe,” he sounds like he’s getting sick of it. I understand everyone has issues, but not the kind of issues I have. Most girls he would date don’t have their son’s father out to get them.  “What’s this issue?”

         I bit at my lip as I tried to figure out how I could possibly say this without him running away, “Do you promise you won’t leave?”

         “You think I’m going to leave?” he grabbed onto my hands, “Chloe, why would I leave? Have I not made it clear that I’m trying to help you? It pisses me off that you’re living like this, I want you move into an actual fucking house where Brady can play in his own backyard and go in a pool that he’s not sharing with twenty year old crack whores. I want you to have an easier life; I want you to never have to work a day in your life. I want you to be able to do what you want to do and not have to worry about how you’re going to pay your electric bill at the end of the month. You know that, you have to know that, I mean I’ve been going out of my way to help you. I want you to live like a princess, I want Brady to live like a fucking king, but I can’t read your mind. You have to tell me when something’s wrong. You have to let me in. You have to let me help you knock down all those walls you have up. You have to tell me why you have an extra deadbolt on your door. You have to let me in Chloe. You can’t lock me out too.”

         “Brady’s father showed up,” I answered softly, still a little afraid of the reaction I would get. I hate that it’s still so difficult for me to say these things; I really don’t doubt that Justin cares about us and really wants to protect us.

         “And that’s bad, I take it.” I nodded my head as he continued, “How bad?”

         “Really bad. I haven’t seen him since I was first pregnant. He um, wanted me to get an abortion when I told him. He’s from a really wealthy family, that’s all about keeping up appearances. So when I said I was going to have him he said that wasn’t an option and I had to get an abortion. I could never do that, obviously, but he didn’t care. So instead, he tried to give me an abortion himself, but throwing me down the stairs and beating the shit out of me.”

         “Did he touch you?”

         “When he came? Not really.”

         “How does he not really touch you? It’s yes or no Chloe.”

         “He grabbed me. He like grabbed my face and rubbed my leg and… he didn’t hurt me.”

         Justin stood up and started pacing around the kitchen, “I’ll fucking kill him if he lays one finger on either of you. What does he want?”

         “He said he wants to see Brady. He said he gets to see him, it’s his son and he wants to see him.”

         “He wanted you to get a fucking abortion, it’s been five years and now he wants to see him? He’s not going to see Brady,” Justin answered strongly.

         “I know it’s not going to happen. I don’t know what to do,” I answered honestly.

         “You have to go to the cops or something, right? Can’t you get a restraining order? Don’t you have one?”

         “I had one, but it was only for two years. I don’t know why he’s suddenly getting involved. I don’t know what he wants.”

         “You don’t have to worry about what he wants. Don’t even think about him, you’re not going to see him again. We’ll go in the morning and get you a restraining order. I’ll take care of the rest, I don’t want you worrying about it.”

         “What do you mean you’ll take care of the rest?”

         He laughed and pulled me out of the chair, wrapping his arms around me, “What? Now you’re worried?”

         “I’m not worried. I just want to know what you have planned.”

         Justin kissed me gently, “Don’t worry about it. It’ll be taken care of. You should have told me sooner. No more secrets, just tell me if someone’s after you and we’ll get it taken care of,” he smiled before kissing me again.

         “Thank you. You’re amazing.”

         “I’ve been told that a lot actually,” he laughed, “Now it’s bedtime.”

 

         “How’s all the packing coming?” Justin’s voice rang through the phone.

         “It’s coming,” I answered as I looked around my apartment that looks like a war zone. I hate packing, and the whole idea is driving me crazy. “How’s recording going?”

         “Good, Paul’s coming by tonight, you should stop by with Brady after you pick him up.” I love how it’s just like a normal situation, Paul, as in PAUL MCCARTNEY is going to be at his house so if I’m not busy, I should stop by with my son. PAUL MCCARTNEY! It’s never going to get old. I heard Justin laugh on the other end of the phone; he knows I’m freaking out at just the mention of his name, “I mean, if you don’t want to…”

         “You know I want to.”

         “I know,” he continued laughing, “So you’re coming then. I got you a present.”

         “You got me a present? Why?” he spoils me, totally. And I’m starting to feel bad about it. He gives me all these things and I have nothing to give him.

         “It’s something you need. You’re probably not going to like it. It’s just something small.” He stopped to laugh, “Alright it’s pretty big. Huge even, abnormally huge.”

         What is he talking about? What the hell could he be talking about? “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

         He’s still laughing, “I know you don’t babe, it’ll all be cleared up as soon as you open the door.”

         “Open the door?”

         “Yeah,” I heard a knock on the door, “Open the door.”

         I walked to the door quickly and looked out the peephole to see Justin. I kissed him quickly, “Are you my present?”

         “Nah,” he has a bad case of the giggles. He grabbed onto the arm of a man that I didn’t even notice was there, “This is your new present.” I don’t know how I missed the guy.  He has to be almost seven feet tall and weight like 400 pounds. He’s big and would possibly look tough if he wasn’t busy giggling like Justin.

         “Um… I don’t get it.”

         Justin managed to stop laughing, “This is Tiny.”

         “I don’t think there is anything about this man that is tiny,” they’re laughing again, “I still don’t get it.”

         Justin cleared his throat so he could stop laughing, I don’t think I’ve ever been so confused in my life.  “His name is Tiny. He does security for me, when I’m touring or going to some appearance or something. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m not touring or doing any appearances so he’s bored and out of a job. So I figured we’d give him something to do.” He stopped talking when the man, Tiny I guess, started laughing again. “Stop man,” now he’s laughing too.

         I looked between the two of them, still completely confused.

         “Now he’s your security.”

         “No…” I answered quickly, “I don’t think that’s…”

         “He will sit outside and never bother you,” Justin answered with more laughter, “He’s your present. You can’t return presents.”

         “I’m very confused.”

         “He’s just going to keep an eye on things until you move.  He’ll stay outside; you won’t even know he’s here. Can we just borrow a chair?” he laughed again, “Here you go man,” Justin said as he placed a chair outside and tapped the seat, “I have to go. Have fun packing,” he kissed me before I could respond, “He’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know he’s here.” Justin smiled before closing the door with me inside.

         I stood in front of the closed door for a few seconds, trying to figure out exactly what just happened. I opened the door before I could even think to see the huge man sitting in the chair by my door. “Um…”

         “Hi Chloe,” he laughed.

         “Hi. Can you come in? I mean, do you want to come in? It’s kind of weird to have you just sitting outside of my door like that.”

         “I’m alright out here, I don’t want to bother you.”

         “No, no you won’t be bothering me. I want you to come in. You can help me pack.”

         He laughed again and stood up before grabbing the chair and following me inside.  “Nice place.”

         “Yeah,” I laughed as he placed the chair back at the table, “Can I get you a drink? Something to eat?”

         ‘I’m fine,” he smiled and sat down on the couch. I’m so confused about why he’s here. I mean I get that Justin wants someone to look out for us, but this seems to be going a little overboard. We already got the restraining order and I really don’t think Gabe would do anything to actually hurt me. Then again, I’m always too naïve with these things.

         I sat down on the ground and continued putting some things in the box. This is kind of awkward. “You can help?” I offered, “Or watch television, or read a book. I don’t know what you usually do, but feel free to go ahead and do it.”

         “I can help you Chloe. What would you like me to do?”

         “Um… you can put those books on the bookshelf in a box. That would be a big help.”

         “Of course,” he stood up and started on the bookshelf.

         I continued packing and now he’s packing too. I feel like I need to entertain him somehow, I also need to remember to kill Justin. “So, what’s your real name?”

         “Tiny.”

         “No, like your real name. Like on your birth certificate.”

         He laughed before responding again, “Tiny.”

         “You’re telling me your mother named you Tiny?” I do not believe that for a second.

         “Are you making fun of my Mama?” he turned to me with his arm crossed. That was when I saw the tough bodyguard he really was.

         “No, not at all. I just…” I stopped when he started laughing again, “I just want to see your birth certificate.”

         “Well it’s not going to happen sweetie. My name is Tiny, that’s all you need to know.”

         “Fine,” I continued packing. “Some day I’m going to find out.”

         “I wouldn’t hold your breath,” he laughed. I’m going to get it out of him at some point, especially if he’s going to be spending every second with me. I’ll give it a little time, wait until he gets comfortable and then he won’t even know what hit him.

         “Whatever. I have to go pick up my son and then we’re going right to Justin’s. So… you’re coming?”

         “I’m coming everywhere. I’m your shadow.”

         “OK,” weird. This is just weird. I don’t know if I’m going to get used to it. He seems like a nice enough guy, and obviously he gets along well with Justin, but it’s just weird having this man I’ve never seen before following my every move.

         Luckily, Tiny did not insist on walking into the school with me to pick up Brady. I think that would have scared a couple people. Brady told me all about his day on the way to the car, but once we got to it he stopped talking completely. I helped him in the car and he sat quietly, not able to keep his eyes off Tiny.

         “Mama,” he spoke after I got into the car, “Whose that big guy in the front?”

         I laughed at how adorable he is, as did the man next to me, “Sweetie this is Tiny.”

         “Mama, he ain’t tiny,” Brady shook his head.

         “No, his name is Tiny. He’s a friend of Justin’s.”

         “Ohhh, Hi! Justin’s my favorite! Is he your favorite too?”

         “He sure is,” Tiny turned around to shake Brady’s hand. “Nice to meet you Brady.”

         Brady giggled as he took Tiny’s hand. “Hi. Mama, can we go see Justin now? Cause I wanna tell him something and you said maybe we can go see him yesterday. And now it’s tomorrow, so we can go see him, right Mama?”

         “Right Monkey, we’re going there now,” he clapped his hands together in excitement, “But you need to be real good because Justin is working and when he’s working you need to be quiet quiet. Got it?”

         “Got it!” he gave me a thumbs up right as I pulled into Justin’s driveway. I don’t know if it’s even called a driveway, it’s more like a street. That doesn’t matter it’s just big. I may never get used to it. 

         Justin came out to meet us, which surprised me a little. I don’t know where Mr. McCartney is but I sure hope Justin didn’t just leave him inside. “Hi Justin!” Brady screamed as Justin helped him out of his seat, “I was telling Mama, I hope we get to go see Justin today and then wow! She said we get to go see Justin today!”

         Justin laughed as Brady hugged him tightly, “Crazy how those things work huh Tec?”

         “Yeah, crazy,” he giggled, “You know what? This is your friend Tiny. He’s my friend now too. Now I know two of your friends, I know Trace and he’s my friend and now Tiny’s my friend too. And I’m gonna call him Tiny even though he’s big because that’s his name.”

         “That’s a good plan my man,” Justin said as he put him down on the ground, “You know Rachael.”

         “Oh yeah! I forgot about her! She’s my friend too. Now I have THREE friends that are mine! Wow!”

         “Alright Brady, shh,” he talks and talks and talks. I don’t know where he gets it from.

         “He’s fine,” Justin kissed me quickly, “Paul’s not here yet. Did you bring a bag?”

         I nodded my head and Justin went to the trunk to get the two bags out. He wanted us to bring clothes and stay the night, and I couldn’t really object. Out apartment is feeling less and less like home with all the boxes everywhere. I wish we could just find a new place, but Justin’s been so busy he hasn’t had much time to help me look for one.

         Where’s my son? I swear I’ve been getting so distracted with my thoughts I haven’t been paying attention. Plus the fact that he no longer is shy at all around Justin and is completely fine running inside his house like he owns the place. “Brady?” I called out.

         “He ran inside, Trace is in there. Don’t worry,” Justin said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me gently.

         “That’s rude of him, I’m sorry.”

         “He’s comfortable,” Justin answered with a laugh, “That’s a good thing. Don’t worry about that. So, how’s Tiny working out for you?”

         I rolled my eyes and felt Justin’s lips on my forehead, “I think it’s a little much. I have a restraining order.”

         “You have a piece of paper. If he came back you could just whip out the piece of paper and he’d run away. Right?” he answered with that sexy half smile he has, “I’m thinking it wouldn’t work so well.”

         I took a deep breath, “I know, but…”

         “Don’t be stubborn, especially about this. It’s important. He’s staying. Get used to it.”

         “Well then,” I answered with a smile. He’s putting his foot down on this one, I kind of like it.

         “Yeah, well then. That’s right,” he grabbed onto my hand, trying to act all tough.  When we walked into the house Brady was jumping between Justin’s couches and Trace was sitting there egging him on. “Nice man,” Justin said with a laugh.

         “Brady! Get down and stop. You know better. You’re being very rude. I’m sorry,” I turned my attention to Justin, “He’s gone crazy.”

         “Nah, it’s all Trace.” Justin laughed. “Do you have homework Brady?”

         “Nope. None! Not even a little bit because I finished early and she let me do my homework in school!” Brady is way too excited. He really makes me wonder sometimes. I still can’t get over Justin and how he asks Brady about homework.

         “Brady, please calm down.”

         “OK Mama,” he giggled as he jumped down and sat next to Trace. “Hey! Justin, memba when your Mama came and she got me the coloring book?”

         “I do.”

         “Memba what happened to it?”

         Justin laughed, “Yes, it’s right where you left it. Do you remember where you left it?”

         Brady’s finger tapped at his chin as he thought and he stood up running to the chair he was coloring on. “Found it!” He grabbed the book and crayons and hopped back on the couch, squeezing between Justin and I.

         It was a few hours later that Paul McCartney got there. Of course I still can’t control myself, so when he came in I just kind of sat there, quietly. “You remember Chloe,” Justin introduced me again.

         “Hi,” I smiled and stood up to shake his hand, but he pulled me into a hug instead. It will never get old. “How are you?”

         “It’s good to see you darling.”

         “This is my son, Brady.”

         “Hi Mista!” Brady giggled when he came closer, “I know you. You that guy and you sing that song.”

         Everyone laughed a little, I think they’re surprised that Brady knows who he is, but seriously, how could he not? Brady knows all the songs.

         “What song is that?” Paul asked with a laugh.

         “All of um, but my favorite is… There are places I remember all my life, though some have changed.” Brady is singing the song, and now Paul McCartney and Justin are joining in. What the hell is going on in my life? I’m standing here in Justin’s resort of a house with Paul McCartney and Justin Timberlake singing with my son. This has to be a dream.

         After we ate dinner Justin and Paul went downstairs to work on the song. They said Brady and I could go downstairs and watch, and we did for a little but Brady was getting a little fidgety I didn’t want him to ruin the song. It was about bedtime anyway, so I brought him upstairs and cleaned him up and laid in bed with him until he fell asleep and I went back downstairs.

         It was so cool for me to sit there and watch this song come along. First of all seeing Paul McCartney create a song is something I never even dreamed of. But then there’s Justin. I’ve never really heard him sing before but he’s amazing. Plus, he’s like a genius as far as creating music is. They made it look so easy, everything happened so naturally.

         It was two thirty in the morning when they ended their recording session, with plans to meet again the next day. Paul gave me another hug, yes I will mention it every time he does, and told me what an amazing little boy I have. That really made my life.

         “That was really cool,” I said to Justin as we walked up to his bedroom.

         “Yeah,” he nodded his head, closing the door tightly, “Very cool.”

         “Seriously,” I laughed as he backed me up to the bed, “It’s cool to see you like that, all creative and stuff. You make it look easy, it’s natural.”

         “Thank you,” Justin laughed kissing my neck as he unzipped my sweatshirt, “Does that surprise you?”

         “No, I just never saw you being creative like that.”

         He laughed again as he kissed down my chest before looking in my eyes, “Does it turn you on Chloe?”

         “Not at all,” I’m pretty sure that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told, and I’m positive it was very obvious.

         “Good,” Justin answered as he lay me down on the bed, “I don’t want you with me just because of my voice.”

         I laughed as I pulled his shirt off, “You don’t sing a lot. I mean for someone that singing is your profession, I thought you’d sing more.”

         He threw his head back as he laughed, “I do sing a lot.”

         “When?”

         “In the shower, in the car.”

         “You never sing in the car with me,” I broke him off. “Why do you never sing in the car with me?” That’s not really fair, I would like to hear him sing more often. His voice is like… pure sex.

         “I don’t know, because we’re talking. I can sing more. We’ll be like a musical, we’ll sing everything.”

         “Good,” I laughed, “I would like that.”

         “Then we’ll do it,” he smiled before pulling my pants down and kissing my thighs.

         “Brady’s next door. Just remember that.”

         “I do remember that. You remember it too.”

He crawled on top of me and kissed my lips, slowly siding his tongue inside my mouth. He really makes me close to orgasm just by kissing me. I felt Justin’s hands on my thighs, spreading my legs so he could slide inside of me. I let out a soft moan as he entered me, slowly grinding inside of me. Justin’s hands moved to my breast as he massaged them and kissed my neck. I moved with him to the same beat, as he grinded faster and faster, “Oh god,” I whispered.

“You coming?” he whispered back. I nodded my head, “Me too, let it go.”

I felt him come inside me and couldn’t help but moan, although I did manage to keep it quiet. Justin kissed me before pulling out and laying next to me. “That was… very nice,” I said with a giggle.

He laughed, “Thanks Chloe. I think it was very nice too.”

“Good, as long as we’re on the same page,” I curled up to him and kissed his chest, “You’re so ripped.”

Justin ran his hands through my hair and let out a chuckle, “You’re just figuring that out now?”

“No, I just don’t think I’ve ever told you before.”

“You haven’t, it’s cool.” I smiled as he pulled me even closer. We laid in silence for a few minutes, but it’s always the good silence with him. Gosh, that sounds so corny. “I have to go to Vegas for the weekend.”

I didn’t answer right away. My heart literally stops for a few seconds when I think about him leaving me even if it’s only for a few days. It’s not like I’m afraid he won’t come back, it’s just the thought of not seeing him. I’ve officially gone crazy.  “For what?”

“I’m doing this golf charity. There’s a golf tournament on Saturday and then a concert Sunday night.”

“Well that’s… fun.” I’m trying real hard to be supportive and not be selfish. A charity is a good thing, I should not complain about that, but I don’t want him to leave. I want to be selfish and I want him to spend the weekend with Brady and I.

“Yeah,” he answered softly, “I want you guys to come.”

“To Vegas? I don’t think Vegas is really the place for a five year old.” I’m not exactly sure, I’ve never been. But I think it’s safe to say Vegas is not like Disney World.

“It’s really not that bad. You won’t be walking the streets or anything. You can stay with him at the hotel all day and hit the pools. They have amazing pools. And maybe even hit the Hoover Dam or one of the canyons.  Brady would like to see Red Rock; maybe we could go there on Sunday. We’ll leave after school Friday and we can leave as soon as I get off the stage on Sunday. We’ll be home by midnight, one at the latest.”

“Isn’t Vegas like… crazy though?” The thought of going with Justin makes my heart start beating again but I don’t think it’s really a place for Brady. Although Justin does seem like he’s given it a lot of thought.

“No. Do you trust me Chloe?”

“Of course I trust you,” with all my heart.

“Then please come. You know I wouldn’t want him coming if it was dangerous. He’ll have fun, you’ll have fun, and I’ll have fun. We’ll all have fun. I really want you guys to come.”

“OK,” I answered softly. It didn’t take too much convincing, that’s for damn sure. But I trust Justin, and I know he cares about Brady more than anyone in this world, well besides me obviously.

“Great, thank you,” he kissed my forehead, “It’ll be fun.”

“I know,” I answered as I curled up into his arms and fell asleep. 

 

 

If someone were to ask me a year ago where I thought I would be today, I would definitely not have said on a private jet flying to Vegas. I’m currently sitting on one of those luxury jets you see on television. Brady is sitting facing me but can not sit still. We’re both freaking out a little. I think that's a safe assumption. I’m trying to act like this isn’t a big deal but come on; we’re on a private jet.

         “Mommy… we’re gonna go fly?”

         I smiled and nodded my head, “Way up in the sky, are you excited?”

         “Oh yeah!” he giggled as he looked out the window.

         I looked back to see Trace, his girlfriend Joanna, Rachael and Tiny take their seats behind us. Now if only Justin would stop talking to the pilot and sit we could get on our way. I’m a little nervous, it’s no surprise I’ve never been on a private jet before.

         “Are you doing alright?” Justin asked with a smile as he sat down next to me, placing his hand on my leg.

         “I’m ready! We’re going to go up in the sky like the birds!” I’ve never seen Brady this excited before. He’s so adorable; he can hardly sit in his seat. Thank goodness I made him put his seatbelt on early, I’m sure if I didn’t he’d be running around the plane.

         “Higher than the birds man, way up in the clouds.”

         “Like Superman?”

         “Just like Superman,” Justin laughed, “Did you see that bag of stuff Rachael got you?”

         “He sure did, and he thanked her. That was very sweet, thank you.”

         “It was all her, she’s good with that stuff,” he smiled. They got Brady a whole bag of stuff. There were coloring books, candy, games, and all sorts of fun stuff to keep him occupied for the flight, even though it’s only like an hour long.  Brady grabbed a coloring book and crayons and got started early. I think he’s going to be an artist, he loves coloring.  “And how are you doing, Ms. Chloe?” Justin put his arm around me and I curled up to him.

         “Honestly, I’m freaking out a little. I’ve never been on a private jet before.”

         “Really?” he answered sarcastically with a chuckle, “I’m freaking out a little too. I was just talking to the pilot and he was slurring his words a little.”

         “Not uh,” I answered quickly. He can’t be serious.

         “Yeah, seriously. I’m sure it’s nothing, but just make sure you have your seatbelt on the whole time. And listen carefully when they explain the evacuation procedures.”

         That can’t be normal. How could a pilot be drunk? Oh gosh, we should get off. I had a bad feeling about flying in general, and this small plane makes me nervous.

         “I’m kidding, relax,” I heard Justin laughed, “So gullible.”

         “I am not.”

         “You are it’s adorable.” Justin said causing Brady to giggle, “What are you laughing at Tec?”

         “You’re silly. Do you like gummy bears? Because I like gummy bears. And you know what? There are gummy bears in my bag, a real big bag of them. And you know what? I wanna eat them allll up, but Mommy said I can’t cause I’ll get sick. And I don’t wanna get sick on vacation cause there’s a cool pool, you said that, memba?”

         “I do remember,” Justin laughed, “You sure have no problem with talking huh? I do love gummy bears they’re my favorite. Do you know what my favorite thing to do with gummy bears is?” Brady shook his head. Justin grabbed a handful of gummy bears and threw one in the air before catching it in his mouth. Oh great.

         “Whoa, cool. I can do it too! Look!” Brady threw it in the air but I’m pretty sure it hit someone behind us.

         “Here wait, I’ll throw it to you. Ready?” Justin asked and threw the gummy bear right in Brady’s mouth.

         “Whoa! Did you see it Mommy? I caught it in my mouth!”

         “I see, how awesome,” I turned to Justin and placed my hand on his leg, “Thank you so much for teaching my son such a wonderful talent.”

         “Anytime. I got you covered with all those cool things,” Justin smiled and kissed my lips quickly before turning his attention back to Brady.

         When we landed in Vegas we got a limo right to the hotel. Brady was freaking out about being in a limo too; I guess he’s never been in one before. Well, obviously he’s never been in one before. It was just getting dark and honestly I’m starting to think this was a mistake. I’ve never been here, but it looks kind of dirty… in many different ways I guess. When the limo stopped in the back of the hotel Justin told me that I might want to hold Brady. He’s getting heavy, there’s not going to be much longer that I can do that. Justin walked in next to me with Tiny right behind us. There were a bunch of people in the hotel slash casino I guess, so it kind of makes sense. People were looking as we walked past and then started calling out Justin’s name. He smiled and waved but put his hand on the small of my back. It was definitely weird but I wasn’t nervous. It was a strange situation because having Justin there was the reason why everyone was there, but the fact that he was there made me feel like nothing was going to happen.

         The elevator door opened and the three of us got in. I guess Tiny is staying downstairs for the time being at least; he is talking into a microphone on his sleeve so I’m not exactly sure what’s going on. As for Justin’s friends, I don’t even know what happened to them. I would assume they went to their own rooms.

         “Whoa!” Brady said as we got to the elevator, “There was lots of people out there, huh Justin?”

         “Yeah buddy, a lot of people.  Are you doing alright?” he asked me but Brady feels like everyone is always talking to him.

         “Oh yeah! I’m doing great! I’m just a little hungry, Mommy can we eat?”

         “We’re going to eat once we get settled, can you wait a little Tec?” Justin asked to which Brady nodded his head. I’m pretty positive if I were to ask him to wait I’d get whining, but whatever. “Chloe, are you doing alright?”

         “Yeah,” I nodded my head with a smile, “I’m just a little hungry too.”

         “We’re going to eat once we get settled, can you handle it Chloe?” Justin gave me one of his sexy looks and I nodded my head just as the elevator door opened. We walked down a short hallway with only the one door on the floor. “Are you ready for this?” he asked with a smile.

         “Is it gonna be big Justin?” Brady’s smile is even bigger than Justin’s.

         “Huge man and wait for the view,” Justin laughed as he grabbed the key from his pocket and slid it in the slot.

         I felt like a little kid at a candy shop because I knew it would be amazing. Just walking through the hotel and standing on the elevator showed me what a beautiful hotel this is. But when he opened that door I felt like a princess. It’s huge. We walked in to a living room and a dining room. To the left is the master bedroom, which is probably about the size of my whole apartment. Not even to mention a his and her bath. To the right is a bar, about the size of one in a normal hotel lobby. Across from that is a huge conference room; I’m not exactly sure what that will be used for. Brady will sure have plenty of room for his coloring. And then there is another huge bedroom on the other side of the room. I never in my life thought I would see a room like this.

         “Mommy! There’s two toilets in that bathroom!” Brady came running out of the room giggling.

         Justin laughed as he grabbed onto my hand, pulling be towards the window, “That is pretty amazing, but I’ll do you one better.” He pulled the curtains open to the amazing view of the strip.

         “Oh my gosh, it’s beautiful.”

         “Yeah, it gets better,” he looked at his watch and grabbed a remote from the windowsill, “Brady come here, you have to see this!”

         Brady ran over just in time to see the water fountains. The music blared through the room and I felt like I was living in a dream. I can’t believe that I am standing here in the biggest suite at the Bellagio Hotel, watching the fountain show from the room, complete with the music. Brady is watching in awe and Justin has his arms around me. A year ago I was living in a house with my mother that leaked in the rain and had cockroaches the size of my thumb. Nine months ago I was at my all time low trying to stay strong for my son when all I really wanted to do was crawl under a rock and die. For the longest time I really didn’t think I’d make it. And now I’m standing with Justin and Brady, looking out to a dream.

         “Are you alright?” Justin whispered in my ear. I nodded my head and wiped the tears falling down my face. He kissed me softly and I took a deep breath, and wrapped my arm around him.

         “Whoa! Did you see that? It went up so high!” Brady said with a giggle.

         “Yeah, wait man, it gets better.”

         I snuck away so Brady wouldn’t see me crying but I need to straighten myself out. I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face.  “Is everything ok?” I saw Justin come into the bathroom.

         “Yeah, sorry,” I laughed uncomfortably, “This is amazing.”

         “So it’s good tears then?”

         “Yeah, obviously” I laughed as he stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me,  “I’m just trying to take it all in. I feel like I’m in a dream.”

         “Oh come on now, we just started. That’s a lot to live up to.”

         I laughed and leaned back on him just as Brady came running into the room, “MOMMY!”

         “Brady!”

         “It’s all over. That was so cool. I’m hungry.”

         “Yeah man, me too.” Justin let grabbed onto my hand as we walked into the living room area and handed me a big binder, “Room service, we even have a butler,” he said with a goofy smile on his face.  I love how he’s so normal and down to earth even when he has all of these things. He’s been doing this for so long and been getting all these privileges for so long but it’s still a big deal for him. He’s still impressed with the fact that he has a butler.

         “What do you want to eat Monkey man?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

         “What do they have?” he crawled up on my lap.

         “I think it’s safe to say they have just about everything. Grilled cheese? Macaroni and cheese? Hot dog? What do you want?”

         After what seemed like hours of consideration, Brady decided on a grilled cheese and French fries. Justin moved the couch to the window so we could watch the fountains every fifteen minutes when they went off. After dinner Brady fell asleep on the couch and I sat in Justin’s arms.

         “I have to go to that party,” he said with absolutely no excitement.

         “No, don’t go.”

         “I know, I’d much rather stay here with you. I won’t be long. Wanna come?”

         “Um… Brady.”

         “Rachael will come up and watch him.”

         “I don’t want to make her do that,” I said as I played with the string of his sweatpants. I feel bad making Rachael play babysitter, she probably wants to go out and have fun.

         “She’s not going to go out,” it’s like he can read my mind, “She’s just going to hang out in her room, trust me. She won’t mind. Brady’s sleeping, it’s not like she has to keep him occupied.”

         I kind of want to go with him. Not so much to go to the party, but just to be with him. I’m officially a loser. “Um, well call her and find out. But if she’s busy it’s not a big deal. don’t make her. I’ll get him in bed.”

         An hour later I was standing in front of the mirror finishing my makeup. I hope my dress is all right, I feel like it’s not exactly the kind of dress people wear to go out in Vegas. Granted, I’ve never been out in Vegas, but I don’t think I’m slutty enough. That’s a good thing. I’m not going to dress any more whoreish than I am right now, that’s for damn sure.

         “Almost ready?”

         “Yeah. Is my dress ok? Does it look alright?”

         “Yeah, it would look better on the floor, but besides that…” I slapped his arm, “You’re beautiful. Let’s go so we don’t have to stay that long.”

         That sounds good to me. Honestly, I just want to go to bed with him right now. There are moments, like when he looks at me like he’s looking at me right now, that I just want to jump on him. But I need to control myself and let him do his work thing. We walked downstairs and through the crowd of people. It’s much more crowded now and people are screaming a lot more than they were before. But Justin wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked through everyone. He still managed to smile and wave at everyone, I love that he’s still nice. It’s weird to see him with all these people going crazy around him, and it doesn’t faze him at all. It would be so easy for him to get such a big head and be a major diva.

         We got in the limo to go across the street. I’m sure it would be much faster to just walk across the street to the Planet Hollywood Casino but I’m fine with having some alone time in the limo. I crawled on his lap, straddling his waist, “Hi,” I smiled before kissing his soft lips.

         “Hi,” he laughed as I reached my hand to lower his zipper.

         “I can’t wait.” I kissed his neck, “I want to fuck like we used to fuck. Right here, right now.”

         Justin laughed, “You’re not going to get any objection from me.”

         “Good,” I kneeled so he could pull my panties down before falling on him. He kissed me passionately and ran his hands through my hair and down my back before pulling me down over him. Justin’s lips fell to my neck and I felt my head fall back. Oh god. I felt his hands on my shoulders pushing the spaghetti straps down and letting my breasts fall out of the dress. His hands then moved, massaging my breasts as his lips returned to mine.

         “This brings back memories.” He said with a chuckled before kissing me the good way when he’s still smiling.

         “Good memories. We should fuck in limos more often,” I giggled moving my hands to his shoulders, clutching his shirt in my hands so it was easer to ride him. There’s just something about fucking in a limo driving down the Las Vegas Strip sitting right next to the window that we can see out but they can’t see in. People are just crossing the street, literally right next to us and have no idea what’s going on inside.  It gets me really hot just thinking about it.

         I let out a loud moan as he hit my spot. Every since that night he found it he’s always hitting it. “Oh god! Justin!”

         “Yeah baby, say my name.”

         “Oh Justin, you feel so good inside me.” my lips fell to his neck.

         “Keep going girl, ride it.”

         Oh god, I can’t wait anymore. I screamed out his name and he screamed out mine as I felt him cum inside of me. I buried my head in his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath. We really need to have this spontaneous sex more often. I reached over to pull my panties back on and fix my dress as Justin zipped up his pants. I ran my hand through my hair just as we stopped in front of the Casino.

         “Perfect timing,” Justin said with a chuckle, “Are you all set?”

         I nodded my head before giving him one more kiss, “All set.”

 

         “Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?” I heard Brady’s voice getting closer and managed to open my eyes, even though the light was killing me. I looked to my left to see a very naked Justin laying on his stomach with covers nowhere to be found. I’m definitely not wearing anything either, wonderful. I crawled to the foot of the bed and quickly pulled the sheet over us before kicking Justin to wake him up. He let out an annoyed whine just as Brady walked into the room. “Here you are! I was looking everywhere!”

         “Hey Monkey,” I managed to force a smile, I don’t remember anything about last night except the limo ride over. As for the whole being at the party thing… yeah I think its safe to say I had a little too much to drink.

         “I’m hungry! That’s why I came to find you cause I woke up and now I’m hungry. What are we gonna have for breakfast? Oh, hi Justin! Did you have a sleepover?”

         Justin kept his head buried in the pillow but raised his hand to wave, “Hey man.” He sounds like I feel… dead.

         “Hey! So, what about breakfast? Can we eat it at the window again and watch the fountains?”

         “That’s a great idea. Why don’t you go watch some television while Mommy gets ready?”

         “Um, ok. Justin! Wanna eat breakfast with us at the window?” he’s shouting and it’s going right through me.

         “Sweetie, Justin’s sleeping, you have to keep quiet. Go turn on the television.”

         “Oh, ok!” why is he shouting? He’s out to get me, he has to know I’m hung-over and should not have been drinking so much and now it’s payback. Brady giggled and walked over to the television in our bedroom.

         “No, sweetie you’ll wake Justin. Use the television in the living room.”

         “OK! OOOR I could just the one in my bedroom. Then I can lie down on that big bed and watch TV! How cool.”

         “Very cool, go ahead Monkey, quiet. Close the door sweetie.” I let out a sigh of relief when the door was closed and fell right back on the bed.

         “Close call,” I heard Justin chuckle before he crawled on top of me kissing me gently.

         “Yeah, bad move last night. How much did we drink?”

         “I don’t know, you’re supposed to be the responsible one and keep track,” he laughed, “You know what helps cure a hangover?”

         “What?”

         “A morning quickie,” he smiled that sexy smile that he uses to seduce thousands. It doesn’t work on me.

         OK, it totally works on me. “I bet… but Brady.”

         “You’re right,” he stood up and walked to the door locking in before jumping back on the bed. I couldn’t help but giggle as he walked back, “What’s so funny?”

         “You have such a cute butt,” I answered honestly.

         He laughed sarcastically, pulling the sheets off me, “You’re ass is absurd, don’t go talking about mine.” I felt his lips on mine, parting them gently so his tongue could slide into my mouth. In normal situations I would never do this with Brady here but he’s way across the suite in his room, it’s practically a different apartment. Plus the door is locked, I need to stop thinking about everything so much and just go with it.

         I felt Justin get hard against me and he pulled me closer, kissing my neck before he entered me hard. I managed to control my screaming, even though I wanted to shout out. He grabbed my leg, wrapping it around his body for easier access. I wrapped my other leg around him and let him pound into me. And here it comes…

         Justin kissed me gently before pulling out and falling to his back next to me, “See, the hangover is all gone.”

         I giggled and kissed his chest, it’s not technically gone but I will say it was the last thing on my mind. “What time do you have to go?”

         “An hour or so. I’m going to kick ass.”

         I laughed as he wrapped his arms around me, “It’s a charity golf tournament, you’re not supposed to say you’re going to kick ass.”

         “Why not?” he asked with a chuckle, “Golf is golf, and I’ve been practicing. There’s no reason why I wouldn’t kick ass,” he’s so competitive it’s adorable.  “You guys can come.”

         “Tempting,” I laughed thinking about Brady sitting there in the hot Vegas sun watching Justin golf, “But I promised Brady we’d hit the pools.”

         “I don’t blame you. Just be back by 6:30 all right? I want to take you guys somewhere.”

         I pouted my lips out a little, trying to think of where he could possibly want to take us, “What kind of somewhere?”

         “Somewhere, don’t ruin the surprise. Casual, it’s nothing fancy,” he smiled and kissed my forehead, “Do you know what he wants? I’ll order room service awhile.”

         “Scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon,” I said as I stood up and went to find some sweats to change into.

         “And for the lady?”

         “The same is good, extra crispy bacon though.” I leaned over to kiss him again, “Please and thank you.”

         “I’d rather you not get changed,” he answered with that smile.

         “Well me too, but duty calls.”

         “We need a day that we can stay in bed all day,” he continued before picking up the phone, “Just me and you and a bed. No covers, no clothes, some strawberries and champagne, some candles…”

         “Don’t get me excited.”

         “When Brady’s at school we’ll do it. A good, old-fashioned daylong romp fest… Oh hi, yeah…” he made a face realizing that the room service people heard his whole spiel. I laughed and pulled my clothes on so I could go find Brady.

         “Brady!” I screamed as I walked towards his room, this place is seriously bigger than I would ever imagine. We should live here, “BRADY! Where are you? Brady?”

         He giggled and ran out into the hall, “I’m in here Mommy! Did you lost me?”

         “Yes sir, this place is so big. Should we brush your teeth and get ready for breakfast?”

         “Yes! What are we gonna do today Mommy?” I’m so glad he’s back to calling me Mommy, I like that much better than Mama.

         “We’re going to go swimming, I hear they have some really cool pools here.”

         Brady jumped up and down, “Oh yay, cause remember Justin said they have cool pools here. Is he going to come?”

         “No,” I grabbed onto him and brought him into the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. I can already tell it’s going to be a hyper day for him. I can’t really blame him; I mean I’m a little hyper myself. This is definitely not the kind of thing we’re used to waking up to.  “He has work to do, but we’re going to go out with him later tonight.”

         Brady was a little disappointed that the fountains didn’t go off that early in the morning, but we still managed to have a nice breakfast in front of the window. After we ate Justin left and Brady and I got changed into our bathing suits to spend the day at the pool. We went pool hopping with Tiny, spending time at the different hotel pools on the strip since the pool at our hotel wasn’t too exciting for kids. It was a beautiful pool, but other hotels had waterslides and lazy rivers, so Brady enjoyed those immensely. I felt a little better after spending the day in the sun and having a chance to relax a little.

         It was four thirty when we decided to head back to the hotel. I gave Brady a bath and a snack before taking a shower myself. I have absolutely no idea what Justin has planned for us tonight. It would probably help if I had any idea what kind of things Vegas has to offer, that is besides gambling and drive thru wedding chapels.

         I was getting ready when Justin came back to the hotel. I stood at the door of the room and watched him sit down at the window with Brady. Brady didn’t even notice him sitting down next to him, and Justin chuckled at how long it took to get Brady’s attention. “Oh, hi Justin!”

         “Hey man, you really like those fountains huh?”

         “They’re so cool Justin, so cool.”

         “I know,” Justin agreed, “That’s my favorite part about this place. Did you have fun today?”

         “Oh yeah, uh huh. We went swimming and on the waterslides. It was so cool, I went down and I went flying down so fast. I was like Superman.”

         “That’s pretty awesome. Where’s your mother?”

         “She’s getting pretty.”

         Justin laughed at his response, “Don’t you think she’s pretty already?
         Brady giggled, “yeah, but that’s what she said.”

         “That’s what she said huh?” he stood up, “I’m going to go get ready too. Don’t you want the music on?” he reached for the remote and turned it on, “There you go, now you’re all set.” Justin smiled and messed up Brady’s hair before he walked into the room, “Are you eavesdropping?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently.

         “No, not at all. How was golf? Did you win?”

         “It’s not about winning Chloe, it’s for charity,” he answered with a smile. Oh, how the story changes. He kissed my forehead before going into the shower and I managed to get changed into a light blue sundress.

         Justin took us to see The Fab Four, a Beatles impersonator group. We sat up on top in a special area away from the crowd and got to meet everyone before the show. Brady was so excited I’m almost positive he thought it was the real Beatles he was talking to. And they sounded like the real Beatles too. We sang along with them and danced around like we were at an actual concert. Justin’s really thoughtful with those things, like he puts a lot of thought and preparation into his plans. This show was the perfect thing for us to see. This whole vacation is just perfect.

         After the concert we headed back to the hotel. I usually don’t have any problems walking through the casino but it was a Saturday night and very crowded. Brady looks to be scared out of his mind so I picked him up, even though he’s definitely getting too heavy. Drunk people were everywhere, screaming and noticing Justin and yelling at him or at me, or anyone. Just yelling.  I don’t know why everyone’s yelling.

         “It’s ok Monkey, are you alright?” I asked, I don’t know why it’s not like he could hear me.

         Somebody bumped into me way too hard.  It wasn’t an accident. It couldn’t have been an accident it was like they purposely banged into me.  Then I felt my hair being pulled, “Ow!” I shouted, “Ow!” and she’s not letting go. I slapped the hand away and looked back to see a crazy drunk bitch laughing and then felt someone else bump into me.

I can’t breathe anymore, I feel really claustrophobic. Brady’s freaking out and this bitch literally pulled my hair and elbowed me in the ribs hard. It fucking hurts. I’m not exactly sure what happened next, someone pushed her away and we were rushed into the elevator. “God, that was crazy.” Justin said with a chuckle, he fucking laughed.  Brady’s crying, I got my hair pulled and I twisted my ankle because some bitch elbowed me and he’s laughing?

         “Crazy? God,” I said as I rubbed my head and fixed my shoe.

         “What happened?”

         “Some girl pulled my hair and elbowed me in the rib. I got pushed, I twisted my ankle and almost dropped Brady,” I said as I picked him up again, “Are you alright Monkey?”

         When the elevator door opened I went right into the bedroom and placed Brady on the bed before grabbing my suitcase, I can’t stay here. I don’t know why I’m fucking here in the first place.

“What are you doing?” Justin asked. It's like he’s fucking clueless.

“I want to go home, I don’t want to stay here.”

“What?” he laughed again, why is this so fucking funny to him? “You don’t think you’re overreacting just a little? It was a crowd, that happens when you walk through crowds, it was taken care of.”

“Some girl pulled my hair!” I shouted, “My ankle is getting swollen because she pushed me and tried to make me fall when I was holding onto Brady!”

“Alright, alright calm down.”

“Calm down? Are you serious? I should be screaming louder. She deliberately tried to push me to the ground while I was carrying a five year old. Do you not get that?”

“I get that, it’s fucked, but it’s been taken care of. There’s nothing else we can do.”

“Which is why I’m leaving.”

“I can’t leave Chloe.”

I threw my clothes in the suitcase, “No one is asking you to leave. I’m telling you I’m leaving. I understand that you have to stay but we’re leaving.”

He ran his hands through his hair nervously and I grabbed onto a lollypop from my bag to calm Brady down. “You’re just going to go home?”

“Yes!” I shouted, “We are not staying here staying here when we’re not safe.”

“You’re fucking safe Chloe!” he threw his hands in the air, “You’ve never been more fucking safe in your life!”

“Do not swear in front of him!”

Justin threw his head back, “Brady, go in the other room for a minute.”

“No, he is freaking out, he’s obviously scared he’s not going into the other room by himself. Stay here Brady, it’s ok.”

He took a deep breath; “Well can we go in the other room then?”

“I’m not leaving him alone, he’s scared.” I repeated slower this time.

“Can you please just sit down and relax for a minute? I understand that you’re freaking out, but it’s been taking care of. It’s not going to happen again.”

“It is going to happen again, like when we leave the room again. Look, I need to go home, ok? I don’t want to be here. We shouldn’t have come, it was a bad idea.” I said as I zipped up my suitcase, “Come on Brady,” I grabbed onto his hand and led him down to his room so I could throw all his things together.

Justin followed us as we walked across the suite and I swear to god if he does not give me space I’m going to slap him. “I can’t get the jet.”

“Seriously?” now it’s my turn to laugh, “We don’t need the jet. We just want to go home.”

“Brady, do you want to go home?” Justin asked.

Brady nodded his head, “I wanna go home Justin.” I know he was hoping Brady would say he wanted to stay but there’s no possible way. I know my son. He’s scared, frankly I’m scared and we shouldn’t have come here in the first place. There is absolutely no reason why we should have come to fucking Vegas. How could he have possibly thought taking my five-year-old son and me to Vegas would be a good idea?

Justin ran his hands through his hair before throwing his head back and grabbing onto his phone. I guess he’s finally giving in. It doesn’t really matter to me, we could have got a cab and found our own way back to LA. “You’re acting like this is all my fucking fault.”

“I did not say it’s your fucking fault,” I whispered, “And stop swearing in front of him!”

An hour later Brady and I were on a plane going back home. I ran my hand through Brady’s hair as he rested his head on my lap; I think he’s sleeping. I hope he’s sleeping. This whole trip was a nightmare. I can’t believe Justin said that I was overreacting. A stupid bitch tried to push me down with Brady in my arms! I don’t give a shit if I was alone, I don’t care that she pulled my hair but that’s insane.

When the plane landed we grabbed a cab back to the apartment. It was a stupid idea to even stay until tomorrow. I mean, Brady has school; he would have been so cranky. Plus, Justin said he didn’t think Brady should go to his show. I don’t know what the hell that’s about, what kind of things does he do on stage?

“Thank you,” I said to the cab driver before handing him the money. I grabbed onto Brady with one hand and dragged the suitcase with the other. “Are you tired Monkey?”

“Yeah Mommy, uh huh.  I sleep a little on the plane.”

“I know, are you doing ok?” he nodded his head, trying to keep his eyes open while we walked to the door. “I’m sleepy too.” I can’t wait to just get inside and lie on my bed and pass out.

“Hey, you’re home,” the familiar voice made me freeze. I dropped the suitcase to the ground. This can’t be happening, please tell me this isn’t happening, “I was beginning to think you went and moved without clueing me in.”

I took a deep breath and prayed this was all part of the nightmare I would wake up from any second. There’s no possible way all this shit can be happening in one day. I looked over in the direction of the voice to see Gabe with his arms crossed over his chest and that evil smile covering his face, “What are you doing here?”

 

I closed my eyes tightly moving Brady between the door and myself before opening my eyes to see it was really happening. Gabe is really standing a foot away from me with an evil smile on his face and his arms crossed over his chest, “What are you doing here?”

“There you go with those questions, let’s not go through that again. You know what I’m doing here. Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Gabe squatted down so he was at Brady’s level, “Wow. You look just like your mom. You’ve got her eyes and her lips, but you have my nose.”

Brady curled up to me, hugging onto my leg tightly, “Ok, well we’re going to go to bed.”

“You’re not going to invite me in? Where are your manners?”

“We just got in, and we’re very tired. But I get that you want to see us, or him. But he’s tired. He needs to sleep. Why don’t you come back? Like Monday or something? After school.” I don’t want him to ever come back but I know he’s not just going to leave. At least if he comes back when it’s still light out and there’s people around, like maybe Justin and Tiny or even the cops, it won’t be as bad.

Gabe moved closer to me, gazing into my eyes like he was burning though my soul. “Invite me in Chloe.”

“Look, really,” I need to be tough and stand my ground, “It’s been a really tough night and we’re tired. Please just come back?”

He took another step closer to me before repeating himself again, this time with more conviction “Invite me in Chloe.”

“Gabe, won’t you please come in and honor us with your presence?” Before I could even fully open the door he was pushing me inside.  He sat down on the couch and I sat down on the chair far away with Brady on my lap.

“Kid, do you know who I am?”

This is wonderful, absolutely wonderful, “His name is Brady.”

“Brady,” Gabe corrected himself with another evil glare, “Do you know who I am?” Brady wrapped his arms around my neck, burying his head in my chest, “Does he talk?”

“No, not yet. We’re still working on it, he is only five.” I answered sarcastically.

“Well kid, you should tell your mother she’s not fucking funny and she should shut her fucking mouth.”

“Please don’t swear in front of him.” What is it with everyone swearing in front of him today? “Oh hey! I know! Remember when I got another restraining order against you? And it’s against the LAW for you to be within 200 feet of Brady or me.”

“Yeah, about that. That’s why I’m here. That’s a little fucked, right? I didn’t even do anything yet,” he smiled, “I mean ok, last time sure, I deserved it. But this time, at least let me do something first.”

“That’s the point. That’s why I got it, so you can’t do something.”

“What do you think I’m going to kill you or something? Do you think I’m going to tie you up and trash the place and take the kid with me?” oh my god, I can’t breathe.  He’s not serious, but he sounds very serious. He had a smug smile on his face and laughed at my horrible poker face. “Relax.”

“Can I put him to bed please? He’s tired and he doesn’t need to sit here and listen to us.”

“That would be fine, except I don’t trust you enough to go in there and not call your boyfriend or the cops and get me in trouble.”

I took a deep breath, he knows how much trouble he can get in, I don’t understand why he’s here. “You can come, you can watch.” I stood up because I don’t need to get his permission to put MY son to bed in MY apartment.  I’m not exactly sure how to deal with the whole Gabe situation. I know I shouldn’t show him that he scares me but I can’t always be strong and put my foot down. Especially since that seems to get him more worked up. If I just cooperate with what he wants I should be ok, I really don’t think he’ll do anything extremely stupid.

I placed Brady in bed and pulled the covers over his body, “Goodnight sweetie. I love you.”

Brady sat up and hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear, “Mommy, who is he?”

How do I even respond to that? That’s the man that tried to kill me when he found out I was pregnant with you. That’s the man that told me I was an idiot when I said I wanted to keep you. That’s the man that makes me wish that I had some kind of mental disorder that I could actually go through with killing a man. “He’s just um… a friend. Don’t worry ok? I’ll see you in the morning, sleep tight.” I forced a smile but felt a few tears fall down my face as I walked out of the room.

Gabe followed me closely as I walked back into the living room and sat down on the chair purposely so he couldn’t sit down next to me, “What’s with the boxes? Moving?”

“No just… I mean maybe, we’re looking.”

He nodded his head before sitting on the couch with his arms crossed looking me over but not saying a word.

“Look, Gabe, is there something you wanted? I really am tired, it’s been a very hectic night.”

“We can go to bed,” he smiled, “This is what it would have been like, huh? If we got married and moved in together, it’d be like this every night.”

“We were never going to get married Gabe.”  I answered quickly to squash any ideas he may be getting. Although, he only turned crazy after I found out I was pregnant. If the Gabe pre fertilization of my egg was the Gabe he was after I’m sure we would have been in a situation similar to the one he’s talking about. But he turned out to be crazy, so now it’s safe to say it’s not going to happen.

My phone rang and I looked at Gabe to tell me what to do. I figure he doesn’t want me talking to anyone, “Answer it!” he shouted, “Put it on speaker phone, don’t you try anything. I swear to god Chloe.”

“I’m not,” I answered before holding the phone out and pressing the green button, “Hey Justin.”

“Hey. Are you home?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah, we just got in.”

“Am I on speaker?”

“Yeah. I’m trying to unpack,” it’s great to lie to him while Gabe is sitting across from me looking like if I say the wrong thing he may just kill me.

“Ok, how was the flight?”

“Fine.”

“Yeah, look, I know you’re mad. I probably under reacted a little and I’m sorry if you think I did. I’m used to it a lot more than you are, and I should have taken that into consideration, especially with Brady. I still don’t think you should have left but, I mean, you did so…”

“OK, I’m going to go though,” I answered quickly so he wouldn’t go into any more detail with Gabe sitting there.

“Are you seriously still mad?” he shouted but caught himself, “I mean, it’s ok that you’re still mad, but I don’t want you go to bed mad at me.”

Gabe laughed a little at that last part.

“I’m not. I’m just tired, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something.”

“Is everything ok? You sound like something’s going on.”

I could feel Gabe’s death glare even without looking at him, “Nothing is going on. Just tired. I’ll see you when you get home. OK, bye.” I hung up the phone quickly. Now Justin’s going to be even madder at me. I can’t believe all this is happening.

“Trouble in paradise?” Gabe laughed, “No I love you's?”

“I’m really tired,” I answered sternly, “And I don’t want to deal with your bullshit anymore. Tell me what the fuck you want from me and get the hell out of my apartment.”

“Oh, feisty, I like it.”

“You know what? Fuck it, I’m just going to call the cops.”

“Go ahead Chloe, call the fucking cops,” he reached over and grabbed the portable phone from the table and threw it at me so hard I had to move out of the way or it probably would have left a dent on my forehead, “See what happens, go ahead give it a try. I’ll take the kid and light the whole building on fire before they even leave the police department.”

OK, now it’s getting serious. I really don’t think he’s kidding anymore. “Why are you doing this?” I could hardly speak but managed to get out softly, “You didn’t want anything to do with him. You wanted me dead. No knows you’re his father, we didn’t ruin your reputation like you were worried about. We did nothing wrong.”

“But everyone knew. You ruined my fucking reputation because I had a restraining order against me before I graduated high school.”

“You tried to kill me! What do you expect?”

“Like I said, I deserved that one. But now you got this other shit, and I’m trying to work Chloe, I’m trying to do my own shit. I’ve grown up, but you can’t get that through your fucking head.”

“It doesn’t look like you’ve grown up.”

“Shut your fucking mouth! Enough! I’ve had enough of your fucking voice. The only time I want your mouth open is when you’re sucking my dick, you get that?”

“I’d never suck your dick,” I answered softly, almost under my breath, but he heard me loud and clear. I really do need to learn when to shut up sometimes.

“Oh, really?” he laughed and stood up; walking towards me with that evil smile I’ve had nightmares about for so long. I was finally getting to the point that I could sleep a full night and now the image is going to haunt me again. “If I told you to suck my dick you would suck my dick. Right Chloe?” I tried as hard as I could not to cry in front of him, I tried to stay strong and look like he doesn’t scare me, “RIGHT CHLOE?” he shouted.

“Gabe please, just leave. What do you want? Money? I can get you money. A lot of money, he has a lot.”

“I don’t want money,” he laughed, “I’ve got fucking money. I want you to get on your fucking knees bitch and suck my dick.” He stopped in front of me and unzipped his pants pulling his dick out.

“Gabe.” I pleaded.

“”Get on your fucking knees!” he grabbed my hair and pulled me to the ground, “Open your mouth, and fucking suck my dick you bitch.” I moved away bit he grabbed the back of my head and pushed me close, “If you don’t suck my dick I will take that kid and make sure you never see him again. Do you understand that?” I nodded my head as he pushed himself inside my mouth.

The tears were now streaming down my face like a waterfall; there was no use in trying to hide it anymore. Gabe moaned and groaned with his hand on the back of my head guiding me back and forth, “You can do better than that fucking bitch, suck it.” If Brady weren’t here I would have bit his fucking crooked dick off and ran for my life.

Gabe held my head close so he came in my mouth, “Swallow it, bitch.” He wouldn’t pull out until I did and quickly wiped the tears away. He laughed, “Now you know, when I say to shut your fucking mouth, you do it. You get that Chloe? You shut your mouth or you suck my dick.”

I fell to the ground, feeling so weak I couldn’t even hold myself up. My eyes were still full of tears and I was actually bawling in front of him. I need to be strong, but I just can’t. I don’t have the strength. “You’re crying?” he laughed, “Fucking crying, it’s amazing how much things change in five years. You used to love sucking my dick; you used to do it all the time. You used to be a fucking slut. Well, I guess some things don’t change; you still are a fucking slut. Cheating on your millionaire boyfriend huh? Probably not your best move. Do you think he’ll be able to forgive you?” I was still crying too much to answer, but that wasn’t good enough for him, “I’m fucking talking to you!”

“What do you want me to say?” I answered softly between tears.

“Nothing,” he laughed, “Sometimes it’s good enough to just see you like this, so happy. I’m glad everything worked out for you Chloe,” there’s that smile again. As he walked closer to me I curled up in a ball, “What are you so afraid of? You think I’m going to hurt you? “ He kicked me in on the side like I was the football and he was trying to hit the winning field goal. “Why the fuck would I hurt you?” he laughed again, “Good thing you got that restraining order huh? You should probably get another one, since that one did so much fucking good. Next time, just hold it out then I’ll leave. That’s what’s supposed to happen right? It was good to see you Chloe and the kid. I’ll see you soon.”

Gabe smiled and waved as he walked out the door, slamming it shut on his way out. Suddenly I gained the strength to get to the door and deadbolt it shut. I went to all the windows and quickly shut all the blinds even though it’s a little too late. I can’t believe this happened. I mean, I guess I can believe it happened. It’s just my luck that the one time I overreact just a little and go home when Justin’s in Vegas, the most unsafe city in the world, and I come home to my safe home and oh wait, fucking Gabe.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and tongue about a hundred times and washed my face before going to check on Brady. “Are you asleep?” I whispered, it would only make sense that he was awake my life goes that way.

No answer, thank god he’s still asleep. I snuck in and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before grabbing a bag of frozen peas to put on my side. I pulled my shirt up and saw the huge red mark that’s going to make a great black and blue by tomorrow. I feel like David Beckham himself just kicked me in the side. I turned off all the lights and crawling into bed. I don’t know why I even bother; I’m obviously not going to sleep. I reached for my cell phone and decided to call Justin. The last thing I need is for him to be all mad at me because I was so rude with him on the phone.

“Hey,” he answered tiredly, obviously I just woke him up.

“Hey.” The sound of his voice made me break down. I don’t know why, I shouldn’t cry when I hear him, but I did, “I’m sorry about before, I…”

“It’s ok, are you crying?”

“Maybe, a little,” or a lot, I can’t stop.

“It’s alright,” there were a few seconds of silence while I tried to stop myself from crying so I could actually say something to him but I couldn’t, “Chloe?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry.”

“No, no it’s ok. What’s going on? Is everything ok? Is Brady alright?” I nodded my head but was too busy crying to actually say the words, “Chloe, baby you need to tell me what’s wrong. You’re not just crying about our fight, right? You wouldn’t be crying this much, it’s not a big deal, we’re over it. There’s something else. What’s going on? You need to tell me babe, you’re getting me nervous.”

“Sorry, I just…” more crying. Pull yourself together Chloe; “Gabe” was all I managed to get out.

“What about him? Is he there? Oh fuck! Is he there?”

“No, he left.”

“He was there? Mother fucking bullshit!” he screamed, “Are you alright? What did he do? Where’s Brady? Fuck! I fucking knew it!”

“Stop screaming, please.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m coming home, I’ll be there...”

“No,” I answered quickly, “It’s ok now, he’s gone and the doors are locked, he’s not going to come back. And if he does I’ll just call the cops, he can’t get in. You have your show tomorrow.”

“Fuck that, I’m leaving. I’m going to let you go and I’m going to… fuck!” he sounds like he’s walking around the room in circles not sure what to do with himself. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him. “Alright I’m going to hang up with you, for like five minutes, and I’m going to figure out how I’m getting home and then I’ll call you right back until I get in the air. If anything happens call the police Chloe, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” I answered still crying, “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I’m not going to get in trouble Chloe, calm down. I’m coming. I’ll call you back in five minutes, I’m hanging up.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“Alright, bye. Wait Chlo, it’s going to be all right, ok? I promise.”

I nodded my head as if he could see me, “Ok.”

 

         “Mommy?” I hear my son’s soft voice as he walks into the living room where I am sitting in the dark with a blanket wrapped around me and a cup of coffee in my hands.

         “Hey Monkey, I’m in here. Can’t sleep?” Brady crawled up on the couch and I put my coffee on the table before wrapping the blanket around him and holding onto him tightly. “Are you alright sweetie?” I felt him nod his head but he didn’t say anything, “Do you want me to come lay down with you in bed?”

         “No, I don’t wanna go to bed Mommy, I wanna stay here.”

         “OK,” I kissed his forehead and ran my hands through his hair.

         “Who was that guy Mommy? He was scary.”

         “No, no he’s not scary. Don’t worry about him he’s gone.”

         “How come he said I have his nose? I don’t Mommy, I have my nose.”

         “I know, he was just kidding,” I don’t know exactly how to deal with this. “Let’s lay down and try to sleep, it’s late.”

         “I’m not tired.”

         “Let’s just rest our eyes,” I said as I lay down and pulled him down with me.  I know he’s tired and will fall asleep just as soon as he closes those beautiful eyes of his.  Justin just got on the plane a little while ago and he said he’d call me as soon as he lands. He’s more worried about this than he should be, I mean obviously is a big deal but he’s going crazy. Justin’s really one of those guys that likes to be in charge and needs to protect everyone. That’s great, obviously, but he gets really pissed off when something happens. But I’m not the kind of girl that just does whatever someone tells me to do. Granted, I probably should have listened to him and stayed in Vegas. But we weren’t very safe their either.

         I could feel Brady fall asleep against me so I picked him up and brought him back to bed and lay down with him.  He definitely needs to be in his room when Justin gets here. I really don’t want to go through everything that happened, but I guess I have to tell him everything. Justin is going to freak out.

         I went back into the living room so Brady wouldn’t wake up when Justin called. The lights stayed off, I’m afraid to turn them on. I like living in the dark. It wasn’t much longer before Justin came, at least I don’t think it was, my sense of time is kind of blurred at the moment.

         “Are you alright?” he asked as soon as I opened the door and pulled me into the tightest hug I’ve ever gotten in my life. I nodded my head but he was holding me so close I couldn’t actually answer, “What happened? Tell me what happened.”

         “I can’t breathe, you’re holding me too tight,” he let the death grip go, only a little though; he still had his arms wrapped around my waist.  “Hi Tiny,” I said as the big guy came in and locked the door behind him.

         “Hey Kiddo, how are you doing?”

         “Tell me what happened,” Justin broke in, moving me to sit down on the couch, “Everything.”

         I took a deep breath, I would much rather never talk about it again and pretend it never happened. “We just came back and he showed up when I was trying to open the door. He was talking to Brady, asking him if he knew who he was. I told him we were really tired and maybe we could do this some other time. But Gabe told me to invite me in like three times, getting closer each time.”

         “So you invited him in?” Justin asked as if the simple solution would have been to ask him to leave politely and he would leave.

         “I had to, he would have come in anyway and I didn’t want Brady to be scared. Do you think I invited him in because I wanted to spend time with him?”

         “Of course not. I just don’t get it, go ahead.”

         What doesn’t he get? “He came in and he let me put Brady to bed. Oh, he was like what are you so afraid of? What do you think I’m going to tie you up and take the kid and light the building on fire? And he was like laughing when he said it.”

         “Did you call the cops yet sweetie?” Tiny stood up and grabbed his phone from his pocket, “You need to file a report, did you do it yet?” I shook my head and he went outside to make the call.

         “Why did he come?” Justin asked, running his hands through his hair. I know he’s trying to figure this whole thing out but he’s never had a situation like this before. The truth is he has no idea what Gabe is capable of doing, and I think he’s just starting to figure that out now.

         “He said he wanted to see Brady and he was mad about the restraining order. He said last time he deserved it but this time he doesn’t because he didn’t do anything yet. Yet. And then he got mad because I was talking back and he said I need to shut up and the only time he wants me to open my mouth when I’m sucking his dick.”

         Justin took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair again before turning to look at me, “He made you?” I nodded my head and stood up to pace around the room. “If I ever see him, I swear to god I will kill him. Then he left? Please tell me there’s nothing more and he just left.”

         Watching Justin get so upset and pace around the room like that is hurting me a lot more than I thought it would. I could feel the tears coming down my face; I don’t want to hurt him. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him and I should have just dealt with this by myself. “That’s it.” I answered softly, although it’s not the complete truth.

         Justin nodded his head, trying to act like this isn’t getting to him as much as it is. “It’s going to be alright, come here,” he pulled me up and into a hug, “It’s going to be ok.”

         “Oww. OK, just don’t put your hand there,” I moved his hand up a little so it would get off the area of my side that’s killing me.

         “Why?”

         “It just hurts a little.”

         “Why does it hurt Chloe?”

         “I don’t know, it just does,” he tried to pull my shirt up but I grabbed onto it, “Justin,” I pleaded; I really don’t want him to freak out anymore than he already is.

         Justin looked into my eyes and lifted my shirt before slowly looking down, “God Dammit Chloe! He did that. I fucking told you not to leave! God Dammit Chloe! I fucking told you!”

         “Stop J, you need to chill out,” Tiny came back in at exactly the right moment, “Man, it’s tough, but you can’t take it out on her. You’re angry, it’s understandable but it’s definitely not her fault. The cops are on their way; we’re going to get it all figured out. It would have happened sooner or later anyway.”

         “No!” Justin shouted, “It wouldn’t have happened because she wouldn’t have been coming home to her apartment all alone in the middle of the fucking night.”

         “OK, I fucked up! Can we stop screaming before we wake Brady up? Do you need me to say it? I can’t just show you? I mean, you saw it. Don’t you think I know I fucked up? Don’t you think that’s something that went through my mind when I’m standing in front of my door in the pitch black with my son clinging to my legs scared to death? And I tell him it’s ok and it’s going to be all right but I don’t know that. Because he tried to kill Brady before he was even born and he obviously doesn’t give a shit about me. Who’s to say he didn’t just come to kill us, what would stop him?  A piece of paper? The invisible fence that travels 200 feet away from us at all times? God Justin, I fucking know.”

         I ran into my room and closed the door as I fell onto the bed mostly so I wasn’t crying in front of them. I’ve been holding it in like I always do but then I just get to the point that all the tears come from wherever I’ve hidden them over the years. Usually I end up crying for so long I forget what it is that made me cry in the first place. I’m absolutely positive that won’t be the case this time.

         The door opened, shining the light from the living room on my face, “I’m sorry,” Justin stated quietly.

         “That’s great but I really just want to be alone.”

         I heard the door close and the room was dark again. For a second I thought he actually left but I should have know he wouldn’t, “I just… it really bothers me that he could do that. I mean, it’s one thing when you were young and I didn’t know but now that I know you and we’re together and it’s still happening, that’s fucked. I’m not blaming you; I didn’t mean to blame you. It’s my fault, it really fucks with me that I couldn’t do anything.” I think he was waiting for some kind of a response but I’m too busy crying to speak. I know when he gets angry he doesn’t always think before he speaks. I know he means well but the last thing I need after the day I’ve had is to listen to him scream.

         I felt the weight on the bed shift and felt his arms around me, “I am sorry mostly that it happened and I wasn’t here to kill him. But the police are on their way, and they’re going to do more than give you a piece of paper. I will make sure of that. You should put some ice on that, it’s gotta hurt, huh?” I nodded my head and he kissed my neck, “I won’t let anybody hurt you like that again.”

         The door opened again slowly, “J, Chloe, the cops are here.” Tiny whispered.

         “Alright man, thanks,” Justin sat up with me and kissed my lips gently, “Tell them everything.”

         When we walked into the living room the officers introduced themselves and actually looked like they were there to help. When we went in to get the restraining orders they looked like they were ready to go home and we were interrupting their conversation. I told them everything, every last detail because I had to. It was very hard to relive it, especially since I’ve always tried to repress these horrible things.

         Apparently, this is a bigger deal than I thought and they can arrest Gabe for what he did. Well they will arrest him, that’s what they said. They will find him and take him in, and he’s most likely looking at some jail time. That will make me feel much better but I am afraid that he has these amazing lawyers and will somehow get out of it. If that happens he’ll definitely be out to get us. We’ll have to move to Kansas or something. This is a nightmare.

         When the police left the sun was just about to come up. I told Tiny he could go home but he’s just as bad as Justin so I grabbed some blankets and made up the couch for him. I can’t thank them enough; I really don’t know what I would do without them. Justin insisted that I try to sleep but I know I’m not going to be able to. When I told him that he said he’d stay up with me. I think that’s ridiculous but there’s no talking him out of that.

         Justin did fall asleep; I lay in bed and watched him sleep. I need to trust him more. All guys are not like Gabe, and I can’t let him have ruined that for me. I know Justin’s one of the few good ones. I know he really cares about Brady and I. He’s smart too, so I need to trust his opinion more. When he says I’m safe, I’m safe. I shouldn’t question everything so much.

         “Mommy,” Brady whispered as he came into my room.

         I waved and managed to get out of Justin’s arms, “Let’s go in your room, ok?” I whispered back and grabbed onto his hand.         

         “How come everybody’s here?”

         “They missed you. Let’s play a game so we don’t wake them.”

 

 

         “I’m trying Mommy, really hard, but my tummy is growling like a lion. And it’s hungry, and I’m hungry and memba Nana said that when my tummy growls like that it means I’m hungry. And guess what? I’m hungry!”

         “OK, shh,” I answered with a laugh. Brady’s been talking pretty much nonstop for the past few minutes trying to explain to me how hungry he is that he wouldn’t even let me answer.

         “How come we don’t go see Nana no more?”

         He’s completely right; we haven’t gone to the cemetery in a long time. We’ve been busy, but I hate that it’s come to that. We used to go every day at the beginning but at least every week. Now it’s been more than a month. “You’re right, we’ll go later, definitely in the next few days, ok Monkey? I promise.”

         “OK. But guess what?”

         “You’re tummy is growling like an elephant?”

         Brady giggled, “Elephants don’t growl silly!”

         I laughed as I grabbed onto his hand. He is seriously the best kid in the world and somehow manages to get me out of reality, even if it’s only for a little while each day. “Let’s be quiet and make pancakes for Justin and Tiny. But, we can not wake them up so shh.”

         He covered his mouth with both hands as I picked him up and sat him on the counter. I hope he has no idea what’s going on with Gabe. I really hope he’s still young enough to forget about him and doesn’t realize what actually happened last night. It is a possibility, probably a very thin chance, but there’s still a chance. I’m just worried that these things are going to have some kind of an effect on him when he’s older. These kind of things can seriously fuck up kids.

         “Chocolate chip or blueberry?” I whispered, holding up both packages.

         “Chocolate chip!”

         “Shh,” I laughed as Brady grabbed a blueberry and popped it into his mouth. “I know you’re excited, it is very exciting, but try to control yourself.”

         “I know! We can sneak up on Justin and I’ll get my alligator glasses and go roar and scare him,” at least he’s whispering now. I think it’s safe to say he has absolutely no idea about what went on last night. He’s not even the slightest bit worried; he’s back to his normal silly self.

         “No. Shh, let him sleep.”

         “What about Tiny?”

         “No.” I laughed, “Just sit quietly and wait for the pancakes and then I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

         Brady pouted and watched Tiny carefully before climbing down from the counter, “I’m just gonna go watch him Mommy, that’s it.” He was gone before I could tell him not to.

         “Is that pancakes I smell?” Tiny stretched his hands in the air while he walked into the kitchen.

         “I’m sorry he woke you, I’ve been trying to keep him quiet but he’s…”

         “It’s fine, how are you doing kiddo?”

         “Fine, do you want blueberry or chocolate chip?”

         “I’ll take some blueberry, thanks,” Tiny knows when I want to change the subject and he actually goes with it, unlike Justin, who seems to never be able to get the hints. I heard Brady giggling which means he woke up Justin, so I’ll be able to experience Justin’s inability to get the hint in a matter of seconds. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to trust him more. This whole situation is just really getting to me. I want Gabe to be found dead in an alley somewhere, is that too much to ask?

         “I think you’re right Tec, she is making pancakes,” I heard Justin laugh as he walked into the kitchen carrying Brady over his shoulder, “Good Morning.”

         I smiled as Justin kissed my lips gently and placed Brady in a chair before sitting down himself. “Sorry he woke you, blueberry or chocolate chip?”

         “Chocolate chip Justin, it’s the best.” Brady is in a super good mood today, I’m not exactly sure why but we’ll go with it.

         “I guess I’m going to have some chocolate chip,” Justin smiled that sexy smile, “How are you doing Chloe?”

         “Fine, here have some coffee.”

         Justin gave me a look as he grabbed the sugar, this is going wonderfully. I’m not going to discuss everything with Brady right here. Justin gets that though, that’s why he’s not pushing, but I’m sure he will as soon as Brady’s in the other room.  After breakfast Tiny went for a walk, or at least he told Brady he was going for a walk. I’m sure he’s on some mission to make sure everything is all right. I’m lucky to have these guys around.

         “Mommy, let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos, huh Justin? You wanna?”

         “I do want to, I’ve been waiting,” Justin laughed as Brady ran into his room to get the game and Justin wrapped his arms around me, “Did you sleep?”

         “Not at all,” I answered, turning around in his arms, “You did.”

         “I know, I wasn’t supposed to,” he laughed, “Did you hear anything?”

         I shook my head, “You would know if I heard anything. I’d be dancing around the room.”

         “OK, OK!” Brady placed the game on the coffee table, “Mommy’s pink and Justin you can be yellow. I’m blue and green.”

         “Whoa, whoa, you get two? That’s not fair,” Justin is completely serious, he’s not joking around. I swear this game brings back the little kid in everyone; it’s good to know it’s not just me.

         “Yeah huh, cause I’m little and you’re big so I get two.”

         “No,” Justin shook his head, not even slightly buying Brady’s reasoning, “You’re in kindergarten now buddy, I don’t think you’re a little kid anymore.”

         “It’s cheating.”

         “It is cheating,” Justin agreed with me, “I think we should each get one.”

         “No,” Brady shook his head, “I want two though, cause I’m still kinda little. I’m a big boy in school but I’m still a little boy here.”

         “Oh, ok that’s how it works. I’m alright with it, let’s go,” Justin placed his hand over the yellow hippo.

         “On your mark… get set GO!” Brady screamed and of course giggled the whole way through.

Justin’s really giving him a run for his money; he’s taking it very seriously. “He’s five, don’t kill him,” I whispered. Justin laughed but managed to slow down, at least a little so Brady could win. Brady and I played another game while Justin went into my room because his phone rang. I really hope he doesn’t get in trouble for leaving.

“Can you come here for a minute?” Justin stuck his head out of the door.

“Yeah, Brady practice ok, we have to beat Justin again,” I laughed at Brady’s excitement; they can probably hear him next door. “What’s up?”

He’s pacing so this can’t be good. “I have to go back. I just have to do the show and then we’ll come back, but Tiny has to come and I’m not leaving you guys alone.”

“That’s fine we’ll come.”

“I don’t want to fight, but you guys need to come. I’m putting my foot down this time, alright?” he’s still talking and not even listening. I called his name at least three times but he’s too busy talking like he planned this speech out hours ago. “It’ll just be a couple hours. We’ll take the jet and then a car right to the venue, there will be a backstage entrance that you won’t see anyone. You guys can hang out in the back and do whatever. I’ll only be out there an hour or so and then we’ll leave and come right back home.”

“Justin,” I finally managed to get him to stop for a second and listen, “I said we’ll go.”

“Good” he laughed and kissed my forehead, “Easy enough, right? You need to sleep.”

“I’m fine, I’ll sleep when I need to.”

I’ll never get used to the jet. Never. By the looks of it, neither will Brady. Justin’s used to it, it’s kind of cute actually because he doesn’t really enjoy flying. He tries to act all tough but I can tell he gets a little nervous especially when we’re going up or coming down. This is only my third time on a plane, also my third time in the past three days, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s kind of like a rollercoaster. Brady agrees with that, especially since he puts his hands in the air and screams as if he’s actually on a rollercoaster.

“Don’t you have a birthday coming up?” Justin asked as Brady ignored the world and worked on his coloring.

I’m not exactly sure how he would know when my birthday is. I don’t remember ever telling him, “How do you know…?”

“I had your purse and your license,” he answered softly.

“Yeah, because that’s not creepy,” I answered sarcastically.

“Well you never told me, so how am I supposed to know? When is it?”

“The twenty second, but I don’t celebrate birthdays.”

“Everyone celebrates birthdays Chloe, you’re going to be twenty four. You can’t stop celebrating your birthday until you’re at least 30.”

“No, I just don’t get the big deal with birthdays.”

Justin gave me a look like he was trying to figure out exactly why I don’t like birthdays. Sometimes I feel like he can read my mind so I make myself think of something else just in case. “Tec, does Mommy have birthday parties?”  Of course, go to the lie detector and get me busted.

“Yeah, we went to eat at the Buddha belly place, memba Mommy?”

“That was your birthday, of course I remember.”

“What about Mommy’s birthday?” God, sometimes he drives me crazy. He doesn’t think that maybe I’m not telling him for a reason and he should just let it go.

“Oh, Mommy’s birthday is so fun! Cause it’s right after Nana’s birthday and we have a big party and we eat cake and ice cream and pizza and Chinese food and then we have M&Ms the peanut butter kind.”

“Oh,” Justin answered softly, “I get it, I’m sorry.”

I nodded my head. Yes, it’s true the fact that I no longer wish to celebrate my birthday is because it is the day after my mother’s. We always had a two-day birthday party, we’d order food out and watch our favorite movies and do whatever we wanted for two whole days. I haven’t had a birthday without her yet and I’m not looking forward to it at all. Hopefully, if all goes well, we’ll be able to just sail right by it without celebrating or thinking about it in general.

All of a sudden it hit me that I haven’t slept all night and I felt my body shut down. I woke up when the plane landed and walked to the car like a zombie. Justin took care of Brady and I fell asleep as soon as I got in the car and then once again when we were in his dressing room.

“Mommy! Mommy!” I woke up hearing Brady scream.

“Shh, let her sleep Tec, she’s tired.” Justin’s voice made me smile, he’s so good with him, I don’t think I’ll ever get over that either.

I opened my eyes and sat up, feeling like I was still in some foggy reality. “Hey Monkey.”

“Mommy The Jonas Brothers are out there, and they’re gonna come in here when they’re done eating their dinner!” he’s very excited, I don’t know why.

“They Jonas Brothers?” I don’t even know who that is.

“Yeah, from The Disney Channel. Nick and Joe and Kevin and… what’s the other one Justin?”

“That’s it man,” Justin laughed.

“They was in Hannah Montana.” Brady added, I still have no idea but I know how much he loves Hannah Montana so I guess this is a big deal. I actually hate Hannah Montana. I’ve never seen worse over acting in my life, but I guess I need to realize she’s like twelve and a pretty big deal apparently.

“Very exciting. Maybe we can get a picture.”

“Oh yeah! How fun!”

“So fun!” I’m trying to get excited with him, but I’m still real tired.

When the boys came in Brady was so excited. It’s a little strange for him to be this excited over these three boys that I never even knew he’s heard of before. Part of me thinks he doesn’t really know who they are but Justin said something about how much Brady must love them and now he does. That’s a very real possibility. Either way, Brady’s having fun and the Jonas Brother’s themselves seem to be a little excited to meet Justin. They’re cute and look pretty innocent, so I guess they’re good role models for Brady, it’s good for him to enjoy some music other than The Beatles, I suppose.

By the time Justin went on stage Brady was sleeping on the couch. I would have liked to see him perform but the crowds still scare me a little and I sure as hell am not leaving Brady alone.

My cell phone rang so I looked at the caller ID. It wasn’t a number I recognized. My heart stopped beating for a second as I thought about it being Gabe. There’s nothing he can do with me anymore, I need to stop being afraid of him. “Hello?”

“Ms. Young, please?”

“Speaking.”

“This is Officer Banks, LAPD. We found the Gabe, we just need you to come down to fill out some papers and identify him, make sure we have the right man.” I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. They have him and he’s in their custody. He’s not going to bother us anymore. “Ma’am.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m in Las Vegas now, I’m coming home tonight so…”

“Tomorrow is fine, come in whenever’s good.” I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to just hold someone, but I’m fine with it. I hope they feel free to torture him while they’re waiting.

“Thank you so much, really. I can’t even explain how good it feels to know that…”

“Of course Ma’am, we’re glad we could help. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Thank god. They got him. I can’t wait to tell Justin. 

 

 

         “You like… glow when you get off stage,” I ran my hand through Justin’s hair as I sat next to him on the airplane. Brady is across from us, sprawled across the two seats sleeping soundly.

         “It’s sweat Chloe,” Justin answered with a crooked smile.

         “No it’s not,” I laughed, playfully slapping his arm, “I mean yeah, there is sweat but you glow too. There’s more than just sweat.”

         He shrugged, placing an arm over my shoulder, “What can I say? I’m a glower.”

         “Is that a good thing?” I curled up to him and closed my eyes, “I’m not even tired.”

         “That’s because you slept all day,” he laughed as he pulled my legs onto his lap, “You’re in a good mood.”

         “How can I not be?  I’m excited.”

         “I know, me too,” he kissed my forehead before continuing, “So about your birthday…”

         “Stop,” I cut him off. I don’t understand his obsession with my birthday. “Don’t ruin it.”

         “We gotta do something, it’s your birthday.” I understand it’s my birthday but I need him to understand that I don’t want to do anything.  Why is that so hard to understand?  “Don’t you want a party?”

         “I will kill you. I promise.”

         Justin laughed and threw his head back, “No party. Got it. There’s that dinosaur park. We should go there. You know, they have all those footprints and fossils.”

         “Why would I want to go there on my birthday?”

         “Oh, I thought you didn’t want to do anything for your birthday,” he smiled, “We’ll talk about it later.”

         “There’s nothing to discuss. I don’t want to do anything for my birthday.”

         “OK.”

         “You’re so not going to let it go.”

         Justin smiled as a response and grabbed onto my hand as we landed. He picked up Brady and carried him to the car so we wouldn’t have to wake him. I’m getting tired now, I don’t really know why.

 I got really nervous as we walked to my apartment. This is the exact situation I was in the night before and Gabe was waiting for me. There’s no reason for me to be nervous, the cops have him in custody and even if they didn’t I have Justin and Tiny and there’s no way Gabe would get anywhere near us.

         We stopped in front of my door as I went digging in my purse for my keys. Justin held my sleeping son in his arms and Tiny stood a few feet behind us. As I put the key in the slot I realized it wasn’t locked, “It’s open. It’s not locked.”

         “What? We locked it.”

         “I know. That’s why I’m telling you it’s unlocked.”

         Justin took a half a second to think before handing me Brady, “Alright take him. Stay back with Tiny while I go in.”

         “No!” I shouted, “Why on earth would you go in? The door is unlocked. You don’t go in a house when the door is unlocked. You learn that in kindergarten, Brady learned it last week. How do you not know that?”

         “Maybe we forgot to lock it.”

         “I locked it, and I checked at least three times. Trust me, I locked it.”

         He took a deep breath, at least now he’s starting to think, and placed his hand on the doorknob, “So what? We’re just going to leave? You don’t have any clothes for Brady he has school in the morning.”

         “Who cares about school?” I shouted. I know I’m acting like a crazy person but Justin just doesn’t get it.

         “OK, calm down. I’ll just go in and get some clothes for him and you can take him back to the car with Tiny.”

         “Justin!”

         “Chloe!” he shouted back before I could say anything else, “They have him, calm down.”

         “I’m not going to believe they have him until I see him in the orange jumpsuit. You’re so big on trust, and me trusting you. I do trust and when these things come up I do what you suggest because you’re smart and you know what you’re talking about. But you don’t trust me. You never fucking trust me and I’m telling you, you cannot go in there. I don’t care if they say that have him. How do they even know it’s him? And even if they do have him he’s crazy and he would set something up. Do you honestly think it’s just a coincidence that my door is unlocked? Trust me Justin, you don’t know what he’s capable of.”

         Now he’s actually thinking, finally. He licked his lips and grabbed Brady from my arms, “Alright, come on.” I followed closely behind Justin with Tiny right behind me.

         “Mommy,” Brady’s little eyes opened as he looked back at me, “Mommy I’m tired. I just wanna go to bed.”

         “I know sweetie, we’re working on it.”

         “But we live there,” he pointed to the building as we walked away, “We gotta go that way.”

         “You’re going to stay at my house tonight buddy,” Justin answered with a smile as he buckled him in the car.

         “No, that’s ok. I just wanna go to sleep Justin.”

         “Yeah, but Justin has that cool bed, remember Brady? Just a little longer, rest your eyes,” I said as I crawled in next to him. I just want this whole thing to be over. How can the door be unlocked? I know for a fact that I locked it, and checked because I’m fucking paranoid. Although clearly I have reason to be. But I don’t understand how. The window wasn’t broken, how does he just unlock the door?

         I swear it’s like every time I think my life is going to work out something happens to bring me back to reality. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. There’s only so much I can give and it’s getting chipped away rather quickly.

         After I got Brady washed up and put him to bed I went in to Justin’s room. He took off his shirt and changed into a pair of sweatpants as I walked in. “Hey, Rachael sent up some sweats.”

         “Thank you,” I answered softly as I got changed.

         “How’s he doing?”

         “Brady? He’s fine. Just real sleepy.” I hate this weird awkward stuff. I don’t have much to say to Justin right now, I just want to go to sleep and wake up with all of this gone.

 I climbed under the covers as Justin turned off the lights. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, “It’s going to be ok.”

“It’s not though, you have no idea how many times I’ve heard that. He was in my house, that’s not ok. We were gone for not even twenty four hours and he was inside my apartment.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do, who else would have been in my apartment?” he really doesn’t think sometimes and it’s starting to piss me off. I know I’m trying real hard not to be a bitch and push him away but he just doesn’t get it. He tries to be all protective and take everything so seriously but when he needs to really listen he won’t. It’s like he thinks I’m overreacting.

“I don’t know, but I mean they have him.”

“So then I should be worried about someone else breaking into my apartment?”

“That’s why we should have gone in and seen what was going on.”

“You know Justin, I really don’t want to deal with this right now. It’s obviously Gabe, I don’t have a list of people out to get me.”

“They have him.”

“You can say that as many times as you want but I’m not going to believe it until I see him. I’m done talking about this.”

“Alright then, goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight,”

That’s fine, be an asshole. I don’t even care anymore. I grabbed his sweatshirt that was on a chair and went out on the balcony from his room.  There has to be some way for me to clear my mind and actually figure out what is going on in my life. I can’t hide out here forever. If they didn’t get Gabe what if they can’t even find him? We’ll have to leave. We should just leave. I don’t know where we’ll go but we can just head east and drive. Although my car probably won’t make it too far and I sure don’t have any money saved to start over.

God, I need my mom. She would know what to do. I’m really fucking with Brady though. He’s finally found a school that he actually likes and he’s making friends. Then he has that amazing stripper mother who is scared of her own shadow and a father that is trying to hunt us down for a reason unknown to everyone. If Brady makes it to his twenty-first birthday without years of therapy it will be a miracle.

 I heard the door to the balcony open and managed not to jump three feet in the air. I know it’s Justin but I kind of want him to go away. All this thinking makes me feel that I may actually be close to a solution. Yeah right, back to reality.

“Aren’t you cold?” Justin asked as he sat down next to me. I shook my head and continued looking at the stars. “We’ll go early in the morning, right after we drop Brady off then you’ll feel better.”

“Then I’ll feel better,” I repeated. “Do you really think that I’m just coming up with all this in my head? Seriously Justin, you’re like so worried and so protective and then you think I’m overreacting when my apartment door is unlocked.”

“I don’t think you’re overreacting, I don’t. I just think you get really worried sometimes and don’t think everything through. And that’s fine, I mean it happens, but you have to just sit back sometimes and let everything sink in. The cops called you and said they had him.”

“Then how do you explain it?” I shouted looking in his eyes for the first time.

“I don’t know baby, but we’ll figure it out.” Justin said as he wiped under my eyes. Dammit, I thought it was too dark for him to tell I was crying.

“How are we going to figure it out? This isn’t something that I’m just going to sit back and see how it unfolds. I don’t trust Gabe Justin, who knows what he’s capable of.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. We’re going to go in tomorrow and figure everything out. We’ll have the police there and we’ll explain everything to them and they’ll come with us to your apartment and we’ll see that everything is alright.”

I hate that he’s so glass half full with all this. Gabe is fucking crazy and for once I want him to tell me the truth instead of sugarcoating it. “And what happens when everything isn’t alright? What happens when he’s not the one the cops found or they couldn’t hold him?”

Justin took a deep breath as if he was trying to figure out how to answer. He doesn’t know the answer, no one does. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you guys. You have to trust me on that. I’m not letting you out of my sight and if that asshole wants to get close he’ll have to go through me first. I may not be too big but I’m strong, especially when it’s over people I really care about. I’m not afraid to kill him. I have good lawyers; I won’t spend more than a couple years in prison. I can handle that.”

It’s really annoying that he can turn everything around and make me laugh when I’m supposed to be mad at him. He always does that. I guess it’s a good thing in reality.

“There’s that smile,” he continued with a chuckle, “It’s going to work out Chloe, it has to.”

 

         “Don’t be nervous,” Justin said softly as he placed a hand on my leg to stop it from tapping. Don’t be nervous? How am I supposed to be calm?

         I smiled because I know if I open my mouth I will not like what comes out. I’ll probably yell at him and tell him to stop being so damn optimistic, it’s really getting old.  Justin held onto my hand tightly as we walked into the police station. Brady was dropped off at school on they way and now there’s no excuse for me to wait any longer.

         The fact is I’m not nervous; I’m scared to death. Now Gabe is even more pissed at me and if he gets off there is no doubt in my mind he’ll do something much worse than what he did the last time. When we walked in Justin talked to the officers. I probably should be listening but I can’t really focus so I just keep looking around, as if Gabe will pop out from under a desk.

         “Come on Chlo, are you alright?” Justin offered a smile as we followed an officer into a room with a glass window. I hope Justin doesn’t want his hand back because I sure as hell am not going to be letting go of it anytime soon. He’s trying really hard to comfort me but it’s not really working. I just want to know what the next step is going to be.

         The officer told us we could sit down as they went to get Gabe. I couldn’t sit or move in general so I just continued holding on to Justin tightly. The man was brought into the room, standing up straight against the wall with the height markers behind him. I felt like he was looking right back at me, even though I know he couldn’t see me.

         “It’s not him,” I answered in a whisper as I felt tears fall down my face.

         “What?” Justin asked, holding onto me tighter, “Are you sure? Look again, I mean he probably looks different, he’s been here over night.”

         “It’s not him,” I can look at this guy as much as I want but it’s not going to change anything. I know what Gabe looks like, I have his face etched in my mind forever, believe me I’ve tried to get it out.

         Justin threw his head back before running his hands through his hair, “Stay in here for a minute and let me talk to them.”

         “No,” I answered quickly, “I’m not, I want to talk to them too.”

         “Chloe please, just let me talk to them for a minute and then you can talk to them, just give me a minute, please.”

         I sat down not only because it seems to be really important for him to talk to the cops alone, but also because I was getting weak in my knees. “Brady’s at school and I don’t…”

         “We’ll send some officers over right away and make sure everything’s alright,” one of them spoke and I managed to nod instead of speak.

         As they walked out of the room Justin sat down next to me, “I’ll be right back, don’t worry, they’re going to get them. You’re safe; Brady’s more than safe. That school’s got fences, no one’s getting anywhere near it. I’ll be right back,” he kissed my forehead before leaving me alone in the room.

         I couldn’t look anywhere but straight ahead. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach from the beginning and I knew that it’s wasn’t Gabe they got. I fucking knew it. That means he was in my apartment, I hope Justin’s telling them about that. I really want to go get Brady and take him back to Justin’s house. Why did I bring him to school today?

         Justin is screaming. I looked over at the window and saw him pacing around the room and could hear him screaming and asking them how the fuck they could make a mistake like that. Finally he’s not being so damn optimistic. He took a few minutes to cool himself before coming back into the room, although he didn’t seem to realize the walls are big windows and I could see and hear him just fine.

         “Come on,” Justin grabbed my hand and pulled me up, “We’re going to go get Brady and then go back to my house. And they’re going to fucking get him.”

         “He lives in Riverside,” I spoke up, “I’m not sure if he’ll be there but that’s where he lives. He’s works at uh…” why can’t I remember? “Johnson & Johnson. He’s the VP of advertising. I’m sure he works, I mean he’s gotta work, right? He always came like after work or on the weekends. He’s probably there.”

         “Thank you Chloe, we’ll get this all straightened out. We’ll call you as soon as we hear anything, until then you shouldn’t be alone.”

         Obviously I’m not going to be home, “My apartment was…”

         “Yes, Justin told us. We already sent someone to check it out. We’ll call you soon.”

         That’s it? I’m supposed to just go to Justin’s house and wait for them to get Gabe. How the fuck am I supposed to just wait? How the fuck do they take some random guy and tell me they have Gabe? It doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’m the only one that thinks it’s a big deal.

         “It’s fucking bullshit,” Justin said as we drove away, “They’re fucking idiots. They’re doing their own damn thing, they don’t even give a shit,” he looked at me for the first time and took in a deep breath, “Are you alright?”

         “I just want to get Brady.”

         “Yeah, we’re going,” he sped up giving me flashbacks to that night with the big cheeseburgers and the paparazzi following us around. That wasn’t fun and it made me very nervous but today I want him to go faster. “He’s fine, they don’t let anyone near that school.”

         I would much rather go there and see he’s fine for myself. It’s hard to take Justin’s promises seriously after he told me not to worry because they have Gabe, and it would be perfectly fine to walk into my apartment with the unlocked door. Now I’m unable to take the things he says as fact and will believe it when I see my little boy.

         As soon as he pulled into the parking lot of the school I literally ran inside. I waited patiently as I filled out the dismissal form and the secretary went to go get Brady. I feel a lot better knowing that they even check my ID and I can’t even see him before everything checks through. At least I can calm down a little now that I know there’s no way Gabe could have gotten to Brady.

         “Mommy!” Brady shouted as he ran for me as if he hasn’t seen me in months and honestly that’s what it felt like to me too.

         “Hey Monkey, are you alright?”

         “Yeah, hi! Oh! Hi Justin too! Guess what? When Mrs. Williams came in and said I was leaving I was sad cause I was having fun. But now I see my Mommy and Justin and I’m not sad anymore!”

         “I’m so glad,” I hugged onto him tightly and would be perfectly ok with never letting go of him. Justin placed his hand on my back to comfort me just as I felt a tear fall down my face.

         “Mommy! You’re holding me too tight, I can’t breathe!”

         He can always make me laugh, it happens every time I need it, “I’m sorry sweetie, are you all ready?” I wiped my eyes quickly so he couldn’t see the tears before thanking the secretary and following Justin back outside.

         “How come you picked me up early?”

         “I need some help man,” Justin spoke up since I’m unable to come up with something, “I got that new tractor lawnmower and I need to cut the grass, I thought you could help me with it.”

         “Oh yeah! I’m real good at that, huh Mommy?” I nodded my head even though Brady has never seen a lawnmower in his life, in fact I’m not even sure if he knows what a lawnmower is.  “Are we going to go see Nana first?” Brady continued, “I thought we was gonna go see Nana.”

         “No, maybe tomorrow,” I answered quickly. I highly doubt Justin would like to go to a cemetery and watch us talk to a gravestone and obviously he’s not letting us out of his sight.

         “But you said we’d go Mommy! We didn’t get to see her and I wanna tell her about the fountains.”

         “I don’t mind stopping there. I’ll wait in the car if you want.”

         “See Mommy, we can go. We’ll be real quick, I made Nana a picture today and I wanna give it to her.” I really am worried that he makes it sound like he’s going to actually see her. That’s just another issue to add to his future therapy sessions.

         “OK, thanks Justin. She’s at St. Anne’s.”

         Brady was excited and kept talking to Justin about anything and everything. Luckily Justin was there to listen to him because my head is just all over the place. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding from Gabe but right now all I want to do is go back to Justin’s house and hide. Maybe going to see my mother will make me feel better, she always had a way of calming me down. Even though that was when she was alive, I still feel some kind of a presence when I’m at her grave. Deep down I know that’s ridiculous but it works and I’ll take whatever I can get.

         I guided Justin through the cemetery and as soon as he pulled over Brady ran out to the grave. “Do you want me to wait here?”

         “Yeah, I mean it’s up to you. You can come, if you won’t get freaked out by us talking to a piece of rock. But you don’t have to, either way.”

         He nodded his head, “I’ll come but just tell me if you want me to leave.”

         Brady was hugging the gravestone as we walked up, “K, come on Justin,” he grabbed onto his hand and pulled him closer, “You sit here, Mommy sits over there and I sit here. And I talk first and then Mommy talks and then you can talk.” I sat down in my usual spot and saw Justin sit down out of the corner of my eye. We probably shouldn’t have come; if this doesn’t scare him away I don’t know what will.

         “Hi Nana, it’s me, Brady!” he continued as he stood up in front of the stone, “Look I’m almost bigger than your thing! I made you a picture at school. Did you know I was in school? I go to a cool school and I got lots of friends and Mrs. Williams said I’m a good kid. And I only need one more smiley face so I can get to pick from the treasure box. This time I’m gonna get some slime. I got to leave early today cause I gotta go and help Justin cut the grass. He need me to help him cause I’m good at that. Oh! We went to that place with the shiny lights and there was a cool fountain. And the water came up and the music was loud and silly and I got to watch it all the time.  Oh yeah and we got to go to the pool and it was so awesome Nana cause the water came down on my head. And there was even a waterslide,” he giggled and looked back at me. I wiped my eyes quickly; I don’t think he noticed, I really hope he didn’t. This is getting harder and harder, I can’t take it. “Then we went to see The Beatles, the real ones! And we sang and danced and Justin said I’m a real good singer. OH!!! And I got to see The Jonas Brothers. All of um, there’s Nick and Kevin and… the other one. They on Hannah Montana sometimes.”

         I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath so I could calm myself down. I felt Justin’s hand on the small of my back and when I opened my eyes to look at him he looks like this is getting to him almost as much as it’s getting to me.

         “Then we went home,” Brady continued, “On the plane, it was so cool and I got gummy bears. And then there was that guy,” oh shit, I knew he’d remember Gabe. Now I’m scared about exactly what he remembers or what he knows in general. I put him to bed, but who knows if he actually fell asleep. “And Mommy talked to him and I went to bed. Oh and guess what? When I woke up Justin was there and so was Tiny! It was so cool, we made them pancakes. His name is tiny but he’s not Tiny. He’s really big, really really big. It’s silly. Then we went back to that place and that’s when I got to see The Jonas Brothers. And now we come back and we stay at Justin’s in the cool bed and I go to school and they come pick me up and now we’re here! OK now it’s Mommy’s turn. Oh no, no. How about Justin you go first.”

         “Brady hunny, he doesn’t…”

         “I um…” Justin broke in and spoke quietly, “I really wish I could have met you and um I know you must have been an amazing woman to raise Chloe and Brady and uh… I just really would have liked to get to know you.”

         Now I’m bawling, the tears are falling like a waterfall and I just want to crawl into a ball and let it all out. “I’m sorry,” Justin whispered, “Come on Brady, let’s give your Mom some time alone, alright? We’ll be at the car, take your time.”

 

         I closed my eyes again and worked on some deep breathing exercises I leaned a long time ago. They didn’t work back then and they sure as hell don’t work now. OK, I need to get my shit together. “Hi Mom, I’m sorry that… everything is happening. And you helped me so much with Brady and now it’s like I’m on my own and Gabe is back and I don’t know how I let all that happen. I’m trying really hard but I don’t know what else to do. Justin’s good and he’s helping, or trying really hard but I’m still afraid he’s going to find out something and leave. I can’t do it all on my own, I just can’t. You’d like him; he’s nothing like anybody I’ve ever known. You’d love him. Brady loves him, and he’s so good with him. But I’m so scared he’s going to get scared away. Gabe is like… showing up randomly and he somehow got into my apartment. The cops are supposed to get him but I don’t know how much I trust them. But I trust Justin, and we’re staying with him until everything is figured out,” I stopped for a few seconds to try to stop myself from crying but it’s just not working. I usually can stop it; I’m never this bad. “I know that you’d hate me crying like this. You always taught me to be strong. I’m trying, I’m sorry. I know you’d want me to just move on and be happy and make myself happy. You always told me that I needed to go out and meet new people and live my life with other people besides you and Brady. I’m trying really hard Mom, but I just miss you so much. But that’s just me being selfish because I know you’re in a better place and you’re happy. I’m sorry you had to take care of me so much. I’m sorry… for everything and I really wish I could tell you that to your face. I wish I could see you just one more time.” I wiped my eyes and took another deep breath, “OK. I’m sorry we haven’t been here in awhile, it’s just so hard… but that’s not an excuse. You deserve more. I love you Mommy, I miss you so much,” I stood up and kissed her grave stone before walking back to the car slowly, trying to get some control over myself. I need to be strong for Brady but I haven’t really been doing that these past few days.

         Brady was talking and giggling as I got into the car. I couldn’t get myself to look back at him because I know I look like a hot mess.  “Are you ready?” Justin asked softly, placing a hand on my lap. I couldn’t answer so instead I just nodded my head.  

         “Ohh! This is our favorite song Justin! Turn it up! Turn it up!” Brady shouted as I closed my eyes and felt more tears fall down my face.

 

 

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

 

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

 

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,

There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,

There will be an answer. let it be. 

         It was ten o’clock in the morning when I got the phone call from the police station telling me they had Gabe. I tried not to get too excited since it wasn’t the first time I got that phone call. It’s hard to take them seriously and I swear if he’s not there this time I might just go get him myself. I still don’t feel comfortable bringing Brady to school so Justin called Trace and Rachael and luckily for me they were happy to watch Brady. They’re both pretty amazing with him; Rachael even went shopping and bought him some new clothes since we can’t go back to my apartment just yet.

         My heart was beating through my chest as we walked through the station.  “Come on in, how are you? He’s being very cooperative so we’re going to question him but we wanted to wait for you.”

         He’s being cooperative? Then it can’t be Gabe. “Are you sure it’s him?”

         “Yes ma’am, go ahead in.”

         I stopped at the doorway when I saw Gabe through the glass, sitting up straight with his hands on the table wearing a black suit and tie.

         “That’s him?” Justin asked softly. I nodded my head and he grabbed onto my hand and led me to a chair, “See? It’s good, they got him. Don’t worry.” The optimistic Justin is back.

         The officer walked into the room Gabe was in and Gabe held his hand out for him to shake, “Thanks for coming in.”

         “Absolutely. Anything I can do to help.” Gabe actually smiled, what the fuck is going on? I’m not getting a good feeling about this, not at all.

         “Tell me how you know Chloe Young.”

         “We uh, we went to school together, high school in Riverside. We dated for awhile, a year or so.”

         “Have you seen her recently?”

         “About a month ago. She kind of disappeared before high school was over and I never heard her from again. I actually saw her in a magazine with the kid, Brady and did the math… I mean I didn’t know he was mine, I still don’t actually I just wanted to know what was going on with that. If I have a son I’d like to know about it, be part of the kid’s life.”

         “There’s a restraining order.”

         Gabe nodded, “There were some problems, Chloe’s had her fair share of issues. I never laid a finger on her, but after everything she was going through it was easier. I didn’t want to hurt her and cause more problems for her, so she was leaving and we just thought it would be better to go with it.”

         “We?”

         “My family, my lawyers. I was young, seventeen, so I just did what they told me to do.”

         “Probably not a good idea.”

         “Yeah, definitely not,” Gabe laughed, “Young and stupid right? I hadn’t yet learned how to trust my instincts with that stuff.”

         “He’s full of shit” I spoke up, “This is ridiculous, they’re not really buying this are they?” Justin didn’t answer, he just continued listening. Why the fuck is this guy talking to Gabe like they’re old friends? Why are they just shooting the shit? Um, hello?

         “You said she had issues, what kind of issues?”

         “I don’t want to say she’s crazy… but I mean she’s had some real problems. She was in a home for a while, at the Riverside Center of Behavioral Medicine. Her father left when she was young, she’s always had those Daddy issues. Paranoid Personality Disorder is what it’s called I believe. “

         Shit, fucking shit. I knew it.

         “You can look it up,” Gabe continued, “You can get the file I’m sure. She was there for about three months I want to say but she got better. They say those disorders come back after a tragedy. Her mother died not too long ago and they were really close.”

         “What exactly are some symptoms of that disorder?”

         “It’s basically just basic distrust and suspiciousness of everyone. Like I said, I haven’t really known her these past few years so I don’t know if that’s what it is but it would be my guess. I want to help in any way I can. I just want what’s best for her, she’s a good person deep down but she just has these problems. I want her to get the help she needs.”

         I closed my eyes hoping that I could stop the tears from falling. I can’t believe this is happening. I should have known Gabe would sink to that level and bring that up. Yeah, I spent some time in a fucking hospital but I went through all the fucking treatment and I’m fine. I’ve been fine for a long time and this is bullshit if they’re going to trust this asshole over me.

         When I looked up at Justin he looks like he’s actually thinking about what Gabe was saying. “Chloe, did you…?”

         “No, NO!” I shouted, “He’s full of shit Justin, it’s all bullshit.” I don’t know why I’m lying to Justin. Well I guess I know why, because I’m scared. If he finds out that I was in a fucking mental hospital he’s going to be so far gone. Oh my god, what am I going to do? If they think I’m fucking paranoid again they’re going to take Brady. I’m not just imagining this shit, he was there. Even Brady saw him.

         “Alright, calm down Baby,” Justin rubbed my leg to try to calm me but it wasn’t working.

         “I’m worried about the kid,” Gabe continued and it took all I had not to jump through that fucking wall and strangle him myself, “Especially if he’s mine, but even if he’s not. I don’t know what kind of lies she’s feeding him. She doesn’t do it on purpose; she just really thinks these things are happening. She really thinks everyone is out to get her. I mean, she threw herself down the stairs to get a restraining order against me. If she could just get back on treatment I’m sure she’ll be fine. I believe that she could get better, I really do.”

         “I want to go, I don’t want to be here,” I spoke in a whisper.

         “We can’t just leave Chloe.”

         “She’s a stripper,” Gabe continued and now I feel my whole life crashing down. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he just keeps chipping away at me, “I’m sure you know that. I mean if that doesn’t prove she has something going on than I don’t know what does. I graduated from Harvard early. I’m the youngest VP in company history. I come from a good family, I mean my grandfather was a pastor.  Honestly, I just want what’s best for her; I want her to get the help she needs so she can get back on the right track. Her mother was her rock and without her I can only imagine how difficult it is. I feel for Justin. I mean, I was him a few years back. She’s a great girl and she’s got that quality that you want to take her in and help her. But sometimes she needs more help than one man can give. I hope he realizes that before too long. It took me too long and by the time I realized it she was too far-gone. I tried to help her but she wouldn’t let me help her. She’s doing it again; it’s the same thing. All the same signs.”

          I’m afraid to even look at Justin.

“If there’s any way I can help you, you know where to find me,” Gabe continued, “Let me give you my card and I’ll write my cell phone number right on there for you.  I just want to be part of my son’s life somehow. I don’t want to start anything. I want what’s best for him and what’s best for her. I do care about her, despite what she wants you to believe. But, like I said, get her records from the hospital. I don’t know too much, I’m sure someone down there will be able to explain everything better than I can. Can I see her? Or maybe him, Justin. It’d be nice to touch base.”

“Why don’t you stay in here and I’ll go find out. Thanks for being so cooperative.”

“Yeah man, anything I can do to help.” They shook hands before the officer left and Justin looked over at me for the first time.

“Do you want to go see him?”

“No!” I shouted, this is complete bullshit. Why does no one remember what the fuck happened? “Why the fuck would I want to go see him? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Alright, calm down I’m just asking. I’ll go in with you.”

“NO!”

“Alright, sorry, calm down.” Why does he keep telling me to calm down? It’s like he doesn’t even care anymore and he’s buying all of Gabe’s bullshit. “I want to talk to him.”

“No.”

“Yeah, I just want to talk to him. Do you want to come or do you want to stay here?”

“I’m not going to talk to him.”

“Alright then,” he nodded his head, “Stay out here with Tiny, I’ll be right back.”

I took a deep breath ad sat back down, tapping my feet against the legs of the chair. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me and it’s not fair. I literally jumped a foot in the air when I felt Tiny’s hand on my arm, “Whoa, calm down Kiddo, are you alright?”

I nodded my head and bit at my lip so hard I won’t be surprised if I make it bleed. The idea of Justin talking to Gabe really scares me, I’m afraid they’re going to talk about something I don’t want them to talk about. “I just want to get Brady.”

“It won’t be long. Justin just wants to talk to him and figure everything out.”

What does he have to figure out? Nothing. This is ridiculous, now everyone thinks I’m crazy.

I watched as Justin walked into the room with an officer by his side, “It’s fine,” he spoke strongly as Gabe stood up and extended his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m a big fan.” Gabe actually smiled as he took Justin’s hand, “I can help you out, any way you want me to, just let me know.”

Justin nodded his head and bit at his lip before looking through the mirror as if he could see me, “I just uh… want to get some stuff figured out.”

“Definitely, I know it’s confusing. I’ve been there. “

“She’s got bruises.”

I need to remember to breathe because this whole thing is giving me a panic attack. I can’t believe Justin is actually in there talking to Gabe like a normal human being. Like an hour ago he was ready to kill him and now just because of that one minor detail they’re like all buddy buddy.

“She says they’re from me?” Gabe asked before taking a deep breath and throwing his head back, “She threw herself down the stairs in high school. I wish her mother were here, she was the only one that knew how to handle her when she got like that.”

“Look me in the eye man.”

“I’m looking you in the eye,” Gabe said, “I can take a lie detector test, do you want me to do that? I mean there are papers, there are files. I’m not making it up.”

Now Justin is just looking into space. He turned his head back at the mirror before speaking again, “Are the mics on? Can we turn them off?”

Great. Perfect. Now they’re in there talking about how crazy I am and I can’t even hear it.

“Why don’t you call Trace and see how Brady’s doing?” Tiny suggested. He’s trying to make me feel better, at least someone is. Meanwhile Justin is in there being best friends with my fucking enemy. I can’t believe this is happening. I need my mom.

“I want to go back.” I answered in a whisper.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk,” he grabbed my hand and pulled me up before I could complain. “Just a little walk to get some fresh air. Try to calm down Kiddo, nothing’s going to happen.”

“Why are they like best friends? Justin wanted to kill him and now he’s like talking to him like I’m completely full of shit.”

“No, no he’s not. He just wants to figure everything out. Justin wants to help you Chloe, he really cares about you guys. I’ve never seen him this involved with someone. If you need help he’s going to get you help.”

“I don’t need help!” I shouted, “Gabe is the crazy one, I am not crazy.”

“No one is calling you crazy,” Tiny answered calmly as he sat down on the steps next to me.

“Hey, are you alright?” Justin came out of the station and grabbed my hand to help me up, “Are you alright Chloe?”

I shook my head, I’m not about to hide how pissed off I am that Justin just went in there and listened to everything Gabe said. “I just want to get Brady and go home.”

“Yeah,” Justin nodded his head, “We’ll go get Brady and then you guys can go back to your place. Tiny will stay with you, all right man? I have some stuff I need to do, but I’ll come by later.”

“Sure,” I answered in a whisper as I got in the car and felt my eyes water up, “Wonderful.”

And this is it… the beginning of the end. 

“Can we get McDonalds Mommy? I’m hungry,” Brady’s voice broke me from my many thoughts as we drove back to my apartment.

“Sure Monkey. Tiny, do you mind pulling through the drive thru?”

“No problem Kiddo,” he smiled as he continued driving. He’s trying to make me feel like I don’t need to worry about what’s going on because he’s being way too nice and optimistic. I don’t understand why everyone is so damn optimistic. The fact is that everyone thinks I’m crazy and paranoid and if all this bullshit goes through they’re going to take Brady away from me. Justin is already distancing himself from me. If they think I’m crazy not just wait how crazy I’m going to be if they even try to take Brady.

Maybe I’ll just pack up the car and leave. It’ll be hard now that Tiny is with us all the time, but I can wait until he’s sleeping and sneak out with Brady. I don’t know where we’ll go. I don’t really care. I can’t let them take Brady, he is my life. We’ll go somewhere far away and I can strip again to get the money I need. Then we can start over. I’ll get a real job during the day while Brady is in school and then I’ll work at a club at night. I won’t have a babysitter but I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

When we got back to the apartment the cops were just leaving. They told me there was nothing to worry about and everything looked fine. That doesn’t calm me down though my apartment was still unlocked. Why would somebody come in and not take anything or even trash the place? They probably think I made that up too.

I sat Brady down at the kitchen table and placed his Happy Meal in front of him before sitting down next to him with my own lunch sitting there. I’m not exactly in the mood for eating; I just really need to sort all this stuff out.

“Mommy, how come you’re not eating? Is your fries not good? Want one of mine?”

“No sweetie, thank you. Mine are perfect.”

“How come you’re sad? Want me to make you happy? I can tell you what I did with Trace and Rachael,” he offered before stuffing a French fry in his mouth.

“Yes, please tell me all about it.”

“OK, OK, first we practiced baseball and Trace said I was silly cause I got a homerun. But then he said that’s not a homerun cause you gotta hit the ball real far not just hit the home and run! Cause he said if that was all everyone would get a homerun all the time. And how would they get a home run when there’s not a home and they’re playing at the park? Sooooo then Rachael came out with milk and some real cookies! They were yummy and Trace said that she couldn’t have made them cause she don’t cook but Rachael said she DOES cook and maybe he would know that if he wasn’t so busy making clothes. I didn’t get that. Trace likes Rachael.”

“Brady,” I laughed, he’s such a little matchmaker.

“He does!” Brady giggled, “I know it!”

“How do you know it? Did Trace tell you?”

“No!” he giggled, “I know cause he smiles when she comes and he teases her like Justin teases you.”

I smiled as I finished chewing my burger, “Do you think Rachael likes him?”

“Yeah, uh huh cause she laughs sometimes when it’s not even funny.”

“Brady that doesn’t mean anything,” I laughed at his observations. He really always manages to make me feel better all the time.

“Yeah huh! AND you know what else? Her face gets red and she smiles real big just like you do when Justin comes over.”

If we leave without Justin Brady will really be heartbroken. I will too, but I think I’ll be able to deal with it, especially since I know it’s necessary. There’s no way possible that I can run away with Justin knowing.

“They’re going to get married,” Brady giggled.

“I think you’re rushing things a little there buddy,” I laughed as I went to the refrigerator to grab more ketchup.

“They are. Are you going to get married to Justin?”

“Do you need more ketchup?” I squirted some on his wrapper before he could answer, “Hurry and finish.”

“How come you’re not married? All the kids in school’s mommy’s are married.”

“That’s because all the other Mommy’s are old. Finish your food.”

This is just wonderful, now Brady is worried why his mother isn’t married. Next he’s going to ask who his father is and it’ll all come crashing down. We spent the rest of the day around the apartment. Even with Tiny here I’m not really comfortable with taking Brady outside especially since I know they’re not doing anything with Gabe. I really don’t understand how they can just believe everything he says.

Brady asked me at least a hundred times when Justin was coming over. As I was putting him in bed he asked me for the last time and I couldn’t take it anymore, “He’s not Brady, go to sleep.”

“How come he’s not?”

“He’s busy.”

“Doing what? He’s always busy but he still comes over.” I don’t even know what to say to my son. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath but Brady wasn’t having the stalling, “Mommy! What’s he doing?”

“I don’t know Brady,” I answered honestly, “its time for bed.”

“But Mommy!” now he’s whining, “I wanna say goodnight to Justin too!”

“Well he’s not here Brady, so you can’t.” I stood up and pulled the blanket over him, “you need to stop worrying about him so much. He doesn’t need to be here every night. Justin doesn’t live here. It’s you and me and that’s it. Go to bed.”

“Do I get to go to school tomorrow?”

“Yes Brady, please go to sleep.” I can’t even take it anymore; he’s driving me nuts. I kissed his forehead quickly and turned off the light on my way out before he could ask me anything else.

Tiny was sitting on the couch and offered a sweet smile as I walked out, “I’m just going to go to bed so…”

He looked at his watch before answering, “I’m here until Justin tells me to leave.”

“Well do you know where he is?” Tiny shook his head, “So you’re just going to sit on my couch while I’m sleeping?”

“If it makes you uncomfortable I can wait outside.”

I took a deep breath and shook my head, “It’s cold outside.”

“Do you want to talk?” Tiny offered.

“No, I want to sleep,” I answered in a very bitchy tone that I can’t even stop. I have absolutely no reason to be a bitch to Tiny; he’s probably the nicest man I’ve ever met. I want to be a bitch to Justin but he’s out somewhere no one knows, probably pulling up some more dirt on me with Gabe.

I did slam the door, I didn’t mean to though. There’s really no need to be mad at Tiny, I just wish I knew what Justin was doing. He could have told me what was going on instead of just leaving and hardly even looking at me as he left. But I definitely should not take it out on Tiny, “I’m sorry I slammed the door,” I said softly after sticking my head out, “I’m not mad at you. Thanks for everything.”

“Don’t worry about me Kiddo, get some sleep.”

I smiled before walking back into my bedroom and changing into my pajamas. It is only eight o’clock and I know there’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to sleep but if I turn the lights off and lay in bed at least I can have some time to sort out my thoughts. That was the plan at least, except I can’t really think.

“Chloe?” I heard Justin’s voice but lay still, hoping maybe he’d think I was sleeping and go away. I wanted him to be here but now that he’s here I’m afraid what he’s going to say.

“I’m sleeping,” I answered quietly.

“Well wake up,” he said sternly as he turned the lights on. I sat up with my legs crossed and looked him over as if I could come up with some idea of where he’s been all day. He looks the same, maybe a little more annoyed. Justin sat down on the bed next to me and closed his eyes before speaking, “Is there anything you want to tell me?” I shook my head and he took a deep breath before continuing, “You don’t have anything you want to tell me Chloe?”

“No.”

“Were you at the Riverside Center of Behavioral Medicine?”

“I already told you I wasn’t, you’re going to believe Gabe over me? That’s great Justin, what happened to the whole trust thing?”

He took a deep breath and threw his head back, “Don’t give me that shit! What happened to the trust thing Chloe? You tell me. I’d say it’s pretty much shot to shit!” he shouted.

“Stop yelling, you’re going to wake Brady.”

Justin bit at his bottom lip and grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and tossed it over at me. “Why can’t you just tell me you were there?”

I unfolded the paper to see it was my records from the center; it’s good to know they follow that whole privacy thing. I don’t know what to say so I lay back down in bed and turned my back towards him, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“OK, fine. When do you want to talk about it Chloe? I would say the sooner we talk about it the better, especially since you have your fucking exboyfriend over here trying to take your kid away.”

I sat back up, Justin sure as hell got my attention with that one, “he’s trying to take my kid away?” I could only whisper.

“I mean, that’s what it sounded like to me. He’s trying to get to know him, to spend more time with Brady. It seems like that’s the goal of the whole thing. He’s trying to make it look like you can’t even take care of yourself. But you can’t tell me the truth, so how the hell am I supposed to help you when I have to go do my own detective work?”

“He can’t take him. I love him more than anything and I’d do anything for him,” I’m getting teary just thinking about it.

“I know, baby I know. No one doubts that. I’m not going to let anything happen to him but you really need to fill me in. This is serious now, I need to know what’s going on.”

I licked my lips as I tried to figure out a way to tell him everything without sounding completely crazy, “I’ll tell you but you have to promise that you won’t get freaked out and leave.”

“Seriously? Why is that even a thought going through your mind?” he asked as he grabbed onto my hands and looked in my eyes, “Chloe, if I was scared of a little drama I would have been gone a long time ago. I’m not scared of anything, especially if it has to do with you and Brady. I love you guys and I’m not going to let anything happen to you. But you need to fill me in.”

Did he just say he loves us? Loves like you love your dog or your best friend or love like love, love? 

“Chloe,” he spoke my name again placing a hand on my lap. He’s doing a good job at making me feel comfortable and I must say this is a huge relief especially since I thought he was out making friends with Gabe.

“OK, the truth. Bear with me though, because I don’t… or I haven’t talked about it so… ok. So I was like in high school and I had a really hard time making friends. I was awkward and lanky and really shy. My mom was really worried about me. I like, had a lot of inner crisis’s or whatever. Anyway, I always kept to myself and had lots of issues from the whole never knowing my father thing. I always thought it was my fault because he stayed with my mom until I was born,” I’m going way off topic this is not a therapy session. “OK, so I had a lot of anxiety and I started worrying about everything. Like I’d walk down the hallway and kids would be laughing and I thought they were laughing at me. But I took it to another level and didn’t want to go to school or hid in the bathroom or something. I’d talk to my mom and tell her everything and she… well you know, it worried her. Then my grades started to drop and I bunked school a lot because I thought the kids were after me. I started getting into trouble like drinking and stuff. But the kids were bothering me, it wasn’t all my imagination. I made it worse than it really was, but I never made anything up. I couldn’t stand up for myself so I just stopped going. Then I met Gabe and at first it was great, I liked him because he liked me. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone that liked me. My mother really liked him because he was a good kid, he had good grades he came from a good family. But his family hated me because I was trash and a bad influence. We were teenagers so he didn’t really care what his parents thought. Then it got worse because people would talk about us and what a loser I was and how he was so much better than me. I just couldn’t deal with that, I thought everyone was always talking about me. I wouldn’t leave my room for like days at a time and my mother got really worried so she took me to the center. They admitted me and I stayed for three months.”

“What kind of things did you do while you were there?”

“Mostly psychotherapy, they gave me some medication. I wasn’t as bad as everyone there. People thought that aliens were coming to get them and they didn’t trust the doctors. I was never that bad. My case was pretty minor.”

Justin nodded his head and grabbed onto my hand, “And it worked?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head, “well for the most part. But then I went back with Gabe and I got pregnant and then all that stuff happened. I didn’t make that shit up; he did everything I said he did. My mom knew, she saw him. That’s why we left. She didn’t want me to stay there and go back to my old ways. He used it as an excuse and thought he could do whatever he wanted and just call me crazy so he’d get away with it.”

“Is the disorder always there or does it go away completely?”

“It’s always there to some extent. It doesn’t go away but not like he’s trying to make it. It’s little things for me, like how I’m so nervous and I didn’t want Brady to go to school yesterday. Or like when we first met and how I didn’t want you to meet Brady and I didn’t want you spending time together. Or how I’m so scared you’re going to leave me.  It’s like normal things that everyone goes through but I take it to another level. But I never made up anything. Gabe came here and did what I said he did. I still have the disorder in the sense that I have a hard time trusting and I’m overprotective because I don’t want anything to happen to my son. But I don’t have the serious issues anymore, I don’t make up shit. Gabe was here, and he did everything. He’s full of shit and he’s using this to his advantage just like he always did. He knows Brady is his son, I don’t know why he was pretending he didn’t. I don’t want him near Brady Justin, I can’t have that happen.”

“It won’t happen,” he assured me and for some reason I actually believe him when he says that, “So Gabe was here?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I believe you. Thanks for letting me in Chloe. See, it wasn’t that hard, right?” he smiled before kissing me gently. “We’ll take care of it tomorrow. I’ll talk to my lawyers and get everything figured out.” Justin pulled his shirt off before crawling under the blankets and reaching over to turn off the light. He wrapped his arm around me and whispered in my ear, “Try to sleep baby, you’re safe now.”

 

As if these last few weeks haven’t been crazy enough I haven’t be able to sleep in what seems like years. Even when I finally manage to sleep I have nightmares about Gabe taking Brady away.  Ever since my mother died I’ve been having sleeping issues. It was becoming a real big problem until I met Justin. Well, until I started dating Justin when he started being amazing. He was another reason why I wasn’t getting any sleep when I first met him back at the club.

We’ve come a long way, Justin and I. He’s done a complete 360. At the beginning Justin was the crazy asshole and now he’s pretty close to amazing. I hate to jinx it but I think it’s safe to say he’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a real long time, besides Brady of course.

I open my eyes and realize I’m alone in bed. It takes me a few seconds to figure out why until I look over at the clock to see it’s 10:30 in the morning. I feel like I’m living in a dream or a nightmare maybe. Everything is foggy and even after just waking up I feel like I haven’t slept in months. The reality is I could easily go back to sleep, I trust Justin completely to take care of Brady while I catch up on my sleep but I’m so tired I know it wouldn’t be possible for me to go back to sleep if I tried.

I stretch my hands in the air before heading out into the living room where Brady is sitting on the couch with Justin, both of them laughing at whatever it is that’s on television. The way they’re sitting there together makes me smile. It’s almost as if Justin is really Brady’s father, the way they sit and act the same. I know that’s probably because Brady wants to be just like Justin and copies everything he does, but I swear sometimes I think they even physically look alike.

“Hi Mommy!” Brady noticed me first and greeted me with excitement.

“Hi Monkey!” I answered with as much excitement as I could even though it does not compare to his level.  I sat down on the couch between my two boys and pulled Brady on my lap before kissing his forehead, “Did you sleep alright?”

“Uh huh! Real good!”

“Good,” I smiled before leaning closer to Justin so he could kiss my forehead, “Good Morning.”

“Morning,” he answered with a smile, “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” I really am so extremely lucky. Justin puts up with so much of my crazy drama and for some weird reason he’s still here. I know I’m not supposed to worry about that and it’s just my old habits coming back that I even think that he’s going to leave me, but the truth is he could easily get any girl he wants. I need to figure out why he picked me. “What do you guys want for breakfast?”

Brady giggled then looked at me and giggled some more before looking at Justin who joined in, “We already ate Chloe, it’s almost noon. There’s some French toast left on the stove.”

“Well thank you,” I said as I stood up and fixed myself a plate, “Where’s Tiny?”

“He went home,” Justin answered as he followed me into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around my waist before kissing the back of my neck, “It’s just the three of us today. Any plans?”

I shook my head before grabbing the plate from the microwave, “What are you thinking?”

“I’m fine staying in. It’s kind of shitty out and I do want a rematch of Hungry Hungry Hippos,” he smiled.

“That sounds perfect to me. I’m sure Brady will approve.”

“Yeah, he’ll be good. I do want to run down to the police station at some point.” Of course the few seconds that I forget about all the shit that’s going on and now we’re back to it. “Don’t get that look, it’s going to be fine.”

“I know,” I answered softly with a quick nod of my head. For some reason I do feel like everything is going to work out. I am pretty sure I get that feeling because of this with his arms around me. I don’t know where I’d be without him.

The majority of the day was spent exactly the way Justin suggested. We played hundreds of games of Hungry Hungry Hippos with Brady winning each and every match. He does cheat, but I’m almost positive he would win even if he didn’t. Then we watched a movie before a late lunch/early dinner.

Justin wanted to head down to the police station so I wanted to take a quick shower so he could watch Brady before he left.  There really is some weird thing with me, it’s like the planets aligned and something crazy happens in the universe that I can’t be happy for more than a few hours at a time.

When I got out of the shower I heard Justin asking Brady about Gabe. “Remember when we were in Vegas and you and your mom left early and got to go on the plane?”

“Yeah! And then I wake up and you were here and then we go BACK on the plane again!”

“Yeah man, that time. Was there a guy at the door when you came home?” I stood at the door to the bathroom unable to move. Why is he asking my son about this? I wanted to go out there and scream at him but I couldn’t move, I just stood there in shock.

“Nope. Just me and Mommy and you and Tiny.”

“Yeah, I mean when you came home, just you and Mommy.”

“Oh that time. Umm… we got in the yellow car and the guy took us home. That guy?”

“No, another one. Was there another one?”

“No. Just me and Mommy,” Brady shook his head. “Oh wait! There was the guy at the door. Him?”

“Yeah,” Justin nodded his head, “that guy. What happened? Did he do anything?”

“He was kinda scary. He said I have his nose. But I don’t have his nose! I have my nose! I didn’t take his nose Justin, I promise.”

Justin let out a quick chuckle, “Nah, I don’t think that’s what he meant. Do you know who that man is?”

“Nope. Mommy knows him though cause she said he could come inside. And then I was sleepy so she said I could go to bed and then I did and that’s it.”

“That’s it? He stayed with Mommy when you went to bed?”

Brady nodded his head again, “Yup! I was sleepy cause of the plane. And then I wake up and SURPRISE! Justin’s here!”

I finally gained the strength to move but I know Justin is going to wish I didn’t. He has absolutely no right in asking my son about Gabe. That is just purely unacceptable.

“Brady go to your room,” I spoke angrily as they both looked at me with confusion covering their faces. Brady can be confused but that look on Justin’s face makes me want to slap it right off him. How is it possible for him to go back and forth from being an asshole to this amazing guy in a matter of minutes? I should know about that by now, Justin’s been like this since the night I met him.

“What? How come Mommy? I didn’t even do anything.”

“Just go to your room.”

“Justin, tell Mommy I don’t gotta. I was being good, huh?”

“You’re not in trouble buddy, just go to your room for a few minutes.” Justin answered calmly and Brady just stood his little bum right up and went right to his room.

“Why does he listen to you and he doesn’t listen to me?” I shouted as I readjusted the towel wrapped around me and walked past Justin and into my room. I want to yell at him but I don’t want to do it right outside of Brady’s room. Luckily Justin got the hint and followed me into my room. “What the fuck?”

“What?” he can’t possibly be that stupid that he doesn’t understand why I could even be a little pissed.

“What?” I shouted, “Are you serious?”

“What’s going on?”

“What’s going on? Seriously? What’s going on is that you say you believe me about Gabe and I have nothing to worry about and then you go out and question my son like he’s on trial.”

“Alright,” he answered calmly, “Relax, I was just trying to figure out what was going on.”

“Yeah, and you asked me and I told you. You said you believed me so then move on. Why the fuck would you think it’s a good idea to ask my fucking son to see if our stories match? It’s complete bullshit and you know it.”

“Calm down. You’re doing it again.”

“Doing it again? Doing what again Justin?”

He took a deep breath and threw his head back before answering me, “Acting like this. You need to calm down. You take everything so personally. I was just asking Brady what happened, maybe he remembered something…”

“Stop with the bullshit!” I broke in, “You must seriously think I’m an idiot if you think I’m going to fall for that shit. There is absolutely no reason for you to ask Brady about that night. He was scared to death and I would much rather him forget it ever happened.”

“Well it looks like he did.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” now he’s acting like I did make the whole thing up because Brady just remembered me putting him to bed. “The fact that Brady only remembers a random guy coming over is exactly what I wanted him to remember. I handled it the way I should have. I put Brady to bed so he wouldn’t have to see what I knew Gabe would try to pull. I talked to you that night and if you think I’m fucking paranoid and made that shit up then you need to reevaluate this whole thing.”

“Alright, Calm down Chloe.”

“Stop telling me to calm down! I don’t need to calm down. I’m not paranoid! Why do you always go back to that? I’m not. Stop acting like I am.”

“I didn’t say you were. You need to calm down. No one is acting like you are; I didn’t say anything about that. This is the shit I’m talking about Chloe; it always goes back to that. If you need help then we’ll get you help.”

“Fuck you, I don’t need help! It doesn’t work like that. You went behind my back and asked my five-year-old son about that night where his crazy father came and made me suck his dick! Remember that Justin? Why the hell would you ask Brady about that? And I’m the crazy one? No. It doesn’t work like that. You need to go, I don’t want you here anymore.”

“Come on Chloe, I didn’t mean anything by it. Just relax, calm down.”

“Fuck you, calm down. Stop. I don’t want you here, leave.”

Justin threw his head back and ran his hands through his hair before licking his lips nervously and finally speaking, “I’m going to go to the police station but I’m coming back. I’ll give you some time to calm down and cool off.” I really want to punch him in the face. I don’t need to calm down, he needs to get his shit straight before he goes and asks my son about everything. “I’ll be back in a little while Chloe, keep the doors locked and call me if you need anything. I’m coming back.”

He grabbed his keys and left, I heard him locking the door from outside. I watched him walk down the hallway and closed the curtains quickly since I still do feel nervous when I’m alone. Justin is the one that needs to calm down. I’m not overreacting even a little. There’s absolutely no reason why he should go behind my back and ask Brady that shit. It’s not acceptable.

I went into the closet and grabbed my suitcase, throwing my clothes in it quickly. For some reason he felt the need to tell me he was coming back several times. You can come back Justin, but we won’t be here.

 

This is how it works. Right when I think things just might work out for me something happens to bring me back to the reality that my life is not supposed to make sense.  I’m sick of Justin treating me like I’m a child. He acts like he’s my father and I have no idea what I’m doing in my life. It’s like if he wasn’t here I’d be lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

Reality check Justin I’ve made it twenty-three years without his help I can certainly make it twenty-three more. Not even to mention that he goes behind my back to talk to my damn son. That’s not ok. Justin acts like he’s Brady’s father. Ugh, you’re not.  Hate to break it to you. From the second I found out I was pregnant with Brady I knew he would be just fine without a father. And guess what? He is. As soon as Justin saw Brady he immediately talked about how much Brady needs a father. He’s just so obsessed with the idea that he’s pushing himself into Brady’s life. It’s not going to happen.

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten involved with Justin in the first place. I should have just stuck with the club atmosphere and leave it at that. I’ve been fine on my own. After my mother’s death I realized that I’ll be ok, I don’t need help from anyone. If I made it through those first few months, which were the hardest of my life, then I can sure as hell make it through anything.

I reached under the bed and grabbed the shoebox with the little amount of money I have hidden before standing up and grabbing the framed picture of my mother and placing it in my suitcase. “Brady,” I called out as I made my way to his room where he was quietly coloring on his bed.

“Hi Mommy!” he smiled up at me. No matter what is going on he manages to bring everything into perspective. This whole situation may be horrible, but I have my son and that’s all I need. We’re going to make it.

“Hey Monkey,” I tried to say in a normal tone as I grabbed the suitcase from the closet that was already packed from the last time we almost left, “Get some things together, alright? We’re leaving.”

“Where are we going?”

“I’m not sure, we’re just going to go.”

“Oh.” He answered with a pout, he’s more confused than I am, “Is Justin coming?”

I pretended I didn’t hear his question as I continued, “Get some toys, as many as you can fit in that bag over there. Make sure you get your favorites alright sweetie?”

“OK. And my backpack cause I gotta go to school. You know what Mommy? Tomorrow is C day and I gotta bring something in that starts with a C.  I’m gonna bring in a sea with a boat and stuff.”

“That’s one of those tricky words that starts with a S so we’ll have to think of something else.”

“Oh man! How about a star?”

“That’s another one. Hurry up, ok? We’ll talk about it later.”

I left him in his room so I could finish getting things together. Brady can get his own things together; he’s very mature for his age.  I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to him when he asks. Why didn’t I think about this before? I knew I shouldn’t have let him get as close to Justin as he did.

Brady came out of his room a few minutes later with the Hungry Hungry Hippos box in his hands. “I’m all done Mommy! I brought Hungry Hungry Hippos cause Justin said we was gonna play but then he left. How come he left?” Brady continued without giving me a chance to answer even if I wanted to, “Well, that’s ok cause I’ll just bring it with us and we can play there.”

“Perfect, thank you darling,” I said as I grabbed the crackers from the cupboard and helped him put his backpack on. “Got everything? I’ll take your suitcase, can you grab Mommy’s purse?”

He nodded his head with a smile, excited about our new adventure. I’m sure he thinks we’re going swimming at Justin’s or Justin is taking us fishing. He has no idea where we’re really going, which is not a surprise since I don’t know either. We managed to take everything in just once trip since I’m not exactly taking everything we own. There’s no time to take everything, Justin could be back any second. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t sent Tiny here already to spy on us. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were in the bushes hiding.

“Alright,” I said softly as I backed out of the parking spot, “Let’s think of some words that start with C. That’s a tricky one because it can sound two ways. Sometimes it sounds like K or sometimes it sounds like a S.”

“Oooh, ok. So… KITE! I can bring in a kite!”

“That one starts with a K. Let’s see, there’s cat. Cat starts with C.”

“I don’t have a cat Mommy,” he explained as if I wasn’t aware of that myself.

“I know Silly. We’ll think of something.”

“Yeah. I bet Justin can think of something good. He’s good at that stuff. Remember when we had T? And I said I could take a toy and he said what kind of a toy and so I said my dinosaur toy duh and he said what kind of a dinosaur and I said a tyrannosauruses Rex and he said hmmmm like that,” Brady stopped to giggle, “Hmmm and I said hey! Tyrannosauruses Rex starts with a T too! Remember that Mommy?”

I nodded my head and turned the radio up since there is no other way for him to stop talking about Justin. There has to be some way to get his mind off Justin. I shouldn’t have let them get so close.  Why did I let them get so close? I knew this was going to happen. I knew from the beginning that they’d get too attached and if anything were to happen between Justin and I, Brady’s little heart would be broken. It kills me that I knew what would happen and I just ignored all the signs and let it happen.

“Oh I know!” Brady called out from the backseat, “Are we going back to that place with the fountains? Cause that was my favorite day ever! Huh Mommy? It was so much fun when the music was on and we was eating at the window and the water went up so high it reached the sky!”

“I remember,” I answered softly. We probably should go back to Vegas. I’m sure I could find a job there making as much as I did at the club here. If I actually plan better I’ll have plenty of money to take care of everything. I can get a normal job during the day and go to a club at night. I hear dealers and cocktail waitresses make a lot, and I bet some of the casinos even have some kind of daycare for Brady.

I don’t really want Brady to grow up in Vegas, but I could at least get enough money to get us back on our feet and then move somewhere a little nicer. I’m not exactly sure where but I’ll do more research when I actually have time to plan everything out.

All of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning it just hit me that I have no idea what I’m doing. I make up these excuses in my head but it’s all bullshit. I’m not going to last long in Vegas, or anywhere else for that matter. Who is going to watch Brady when I’m at the club? And why the hell is my plan to go back to a fucking club and strip again? That’s supposed to be the last option not the first choice. What have I become? I heard myself bawling and it wasn’t until I heard Brady’s voice that I even remembered he’s in the back seat.

“Mommy? Are you crying?”

“No,” I lied but was unable to stop.

“Mommy maybe we shouldn’t go anymore. Maybe we should stop and call Justin. How come he’s not here? I thought he was coming. I know we can stop right there and call Justin and tell him to come see us. He always comes and he makes you feel better.” Now I need my five-year-old son to be the reasonable one and try to calm me down.

There was a time that I never showed Brady my fears. I used to be strong, or at least I was able to hide my tears until he was asleep. I don’t do that anymore. Over the past few months I think I’ve gotten weaker because I’ve relied on Justin too much. I need to go back to the way things were. I need to be strong again.

“I’m fine hunny, don’t worry. We’ll stop and get some McDonalds after a few more exits all right? Let’s listen to some music.”

My cell phone rang a few times before we made it to McDonalds but I managed to press the ignore button before Brady could hear it. It wasn’t until we were sitting at the table eating our dinner that it rang again and I quickly turned it off. “Mommy, how come you’re not answering it?”

“Because I’m with you and we’re eating our dinner. It’s rude to talk on the phone when we’re eating.”

“Yeah but sometimes it’s ok. Cause sometimes Justin has to talk on the phone cause his work is calling and it’s real important, remember?”

Every single thing Brady manages to turn around so he can talk about Justin. I guess that’s just proof at how much Brady loves him. It’s definitely proof that I fucked that whole thing up and next time I’ll know not to get involved with anyone. There’s not even going to be a next time. All I need is my son.

“Why don’t you go play for a little while?”

It didn’t take him long to run out there and jump in the balls. I’m surprised he didn’t first tell me a story about that time we went to the play place with Justin and he ran around with him for what seemed like hours. Against my better judgment I decided to listen to the messages that were left for me.

“Chloe, it’s me,” I heard Justin’s message, “Where are you guys? I just got back and you’re not here. You shouldn’t go out without Tiny or me. Something could happen. Call me back when you get this so I know you’re alright.” Justin was calm in that one but as the messages progressed his anger was shining through more.

“It’s getting dark out, and I have no idea where you guys are. I know you were mad and I shouldn’t have asked Brady but you can’t go run away. It’s dangerous out there Chloe, how do you not understand that? I mean, you know that Gabe is fucking around somewhere right? You’re the one that explained it to me and then you go and do this stupid shit!” he shouted but then caught himself, “I’m sorry. Look I just need to know you guys are ok. Just call me back. Please just call me back.”

“You really need to call me back Chloe. I just went by Gabe’s and he’s there so I don’t know if that means anything. Tiny’s at your place and I’m just driving around looking for you guys. I don’t know where you’d be. I checked the cemetery, that’s the only place I could think of. You have to let me know you’re ok baby, I’ll give you time to cool off. I’ll leave you alone but please just let me know you guys are all right. I’m sorry Chloe. You can’t just run away though it’s dangerous. Call me and tell me where you are and I’ll come to you and we can talk this out. Or I’ll just keep calling back every five minutes. Come on baby, call me back.”

I turned the phone off and wiped my eyes before calling Brady over, “Ready Freddy?”

“Yeah, that was fun! Memba that time we went to that cool play place with Justin and we played all day?”

Of course that was coming, Brady sure didn’t let me down. “Yeah, that was a lot of fun,” I answered quietly as I grabbed his hand and led him back to the car, “Try and rest while we’re driving alright? We still have a while longer.”

 

 

I looked at the clock on the dashboard that said it was almost eleven o’clock and decided it was time for me to find a place to stay, at least for the night. This isn’t exactly the kind of place I want to raise my son. I’m pretty sure someone is going to think I’m a prostitute while I’m walking into the hotel lobby, even with Brady in my arms. There was a man sitting behind the front desk with his legs up watching television.

“Hi, can we have a room please?”

The man held a finger up to me as he continued watching whatever was so important on television. I stood there, trying to rearrange Brady who was sleeping in my arms and is officially too heavy for me to carry. “What?” he finally asked when the show went to commercial a few minutes later.

“Do you have any rooms?” he nodded his head, “Can we… have one?’’

He held his hand out for what I assume is to collect my credit card so I sat Brady at the end of the desk while I found it in my purse. “Mommy, I’m tired.” Brady whined as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“I know babe, we’re close.”

 The man passed a paper for me to sign along with the room key, “Room 20.”

“Thank you,” I answered as I picked Brady up again. That man was quite the jerk, I mean he saw me standing there with poor Brady and he couldn’t be bothered to even talk more than a word during a commercial break. I’m lucky the show didn’t come back while I was standing there. “Come on Brady, you have to be a big boy now and walk up to the room and help me carry our things alright?”

He nodded his head slowly, fighting to keep his eyes open, “Is Justin gonna come tomorrow?”

I ignored the question and handed him a bag before grabbing our suitcases from the trunk, “Stay close to Mommy, please don’t go ahead.” I don’t need to worry about that, he’s too tired to do anything but follow me in his zombie-like state. I didn’t expect much of the room and it certainly didn’t exceed my expectations.  The room was small, with two beds and the normal pay by the hour furniture bolted to the ground. I changed Brady into his pajamas quickly and washed him up before kissing his forehead and wishing him a good night sleep.

After I bolted the door shut I went to the bathroom to get myself ready for bed. It’s been a long, eventful day that’s for sure. I grabbed my cell phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and looked at it for a second before turning it back on.  I took a deep breath before calling my voicemail and listened to the messages waiting for me.

“So now you turned off your phone? What’s going on? This is absolutely ridiculous Chloe, you’re being stupid. Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Do you even know where you are? I’m worried sick, I don’t know what’s going on. Something could have happened. I don’t know if I should be pissed or worried. Please just let me know you’re all right. I’ll just keep calling.”

“Hey Booboo!” I heard Kelly’s voice which was a complete surprise, “Where are you? You’re boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, just left my apartment.  He says you’re MIA. He assumed I would know where you are but clearly that’s not the case. So now I’m worried too. You wouldn’t take my Brady and just leave would you? I feel like you’d at least say goodbye. So yeah, I’m really worried so please let me know what’s going on. I won’t tell the boy if you don’t want me to. I’d just like to stop being so out of the loop with you. Call me, k? Love ya Boo!”

I hung up the phone and wiped my eyes so I could stop listening to these messages that are just making everything so much harder than it already is. I left for a reason and I’m not about to just go right back because some people are a little worried. Sure, I should have told them but Justin would never have let me go. I could have at least told Kelly. I should tell Kelly. I text messaged Justin with three simple words: we are fine.

I then sat down on the edge of the tub and dialed Kelly’s number waiting nervously for her to pick up, “Chloe, is that you?”

“Did I wake you?” I answered softly, regretting I called her automatically. She sounds like she just woke up and I feel like I’m about to cry already. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m up, where are you? Are you guys all right? What’s going on?”

“We’re fine. We’re fine. We just left. It’s ok, I mean it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Sweetie, you just disappeared. There’s this man that you say was out to get you and you just leave? That scares us all.”

I rolled my eyes and wiped the tears away, “I’m telling you now that we’re ok. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know, or say goodbye.”

“You’re not coming back?”

“Not right now. I think it’s good for us to get away for a little.”

“Like a vacation? You can’t be gone for good, I mean you’re mother’s here.”

Now there’s no holding back the tears. How could I leave so quickly that I didn’t even remember we were leaving my mother? My mother who I used to go to see everyday but have recently gone down to about once a week ever since Justin came into our lives.  “Kelly, please…”

“Alright, I’m sorry sweetie. Don’t cry, I don’t mean to make you cry. I just mean that you go to see your mother every day so it’d be hard for you to run away from that.”

“I don’t see her every day. Ever since Justin I’ve been going less and less.” I felt a lump in my throat and automatically feel guilty that I let that happen.

“That’s good Chloe, you’re coping. You’ve had a rough couple months, it’s good that you don’t need to go every day anymore. He’s really worried about you guys you know.”

I nodded my head and felt the tears falling down my face again.  “I know.”

“He showed up here having pretty close to a panic attack. He couldn’t even sit down; he was pacing around the room. Every half hour on the dot he calls me to see if I’ve heard from you.”

“Well,” I answered after a few seconds of silence, “I just wanted to let you know that we’re alright and that you shouldn’t worry.”

“Where are you?”

“In Las Vegas, or just outside I guess. We’re at a hotel, I’m not sure what we’re doing in the morning.”

“Will you let me know?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah, I’ll let you know as soon as I know. I’ll talk to you soon Kel.”

“Alright sweetie thanks for calling me back.  Please leave your phone on and give Brady a big hug for me.”

“OK, bye Kelly.”

After I hung up with Kelly I noticed I had a text message back from Justin that read: What do you mean you’re fine? Where are you?

I replied back: I mean we’re fine. Please don’t worry about us. Then I turned off my phone and climbed in bed.

 

The next morning I woke up to Brady calling my name. “Mommy! Are we going to go soon? I don’t like this house.”

I smiled before sitting up and tossing the remote at him, “We’ll leave very soon, don’t you worry. I just want to take a quick shower and then we’ll head out and find some breakfast. Why don’t you get change all right? I’ll be fast.” I gave him a big hug, holding on extra long for Kelly and kissed his forehead. When I got out of the shower I packed everything up quickly, luckily it didn’t take very long since I didn’t take too much out. This place creeps me out just a little and I sure as hell don’t want anything getting infected that doesn’t have to.

“Alright Monkey, are you ready?”

         Brady nodded his head and jumped up quickly. He’s been ready to go out here since the second we walked in. I can’t say I blame him; we’re definitely rushing out of her as fast as we can.  “Where are we going now Mommy? Back to that place with the waterfalls?”

         “I don’t think so, we’ll have to think of something else. For now we’re just going to go get some breakfast. What are you craving? Some pancakes? Waffles? Scrambled eggs?”

         Brady giggled, “I want everything! I’m starving Mommy, my whole tummy is growling. Can we get some ice cream too?”

         “For breakfast?” I laughed, “I don’t think so Monkey, you’re being silly. Maybe we can stop and find some later on.”

         “OK Yay! Are we going back home?”

         “No, we’re going on an adventure. Can you please grab that bag again so we can get going?” He grabbed the bag quickly and followed me to the door, “Make sure you stay close to me now, alright?”

         “ALRIGHT!” Brady shouted with a giggle, “I’m gonna get a big waffle!”

         “Oh yum, I think I might get a waffle too, that’s a good idea Brady.”

         As we walked out of the room I heard Brady squeal before running off to gods know where, “Brady? Come back here!” I shouted. I felt like my whole life was crashing down. Where in the world is Brady running off to? We’re at this seedy hotel on a busy street with cars speeding by and not exactly the best cliental but Brady just runs off like he’s seeing someone worth taking the chance of getting kidnapped or hit by a car. When I actually looked to see where he was going I saw Justin leaning against my car wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses.

         I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down before I continued walking slowly to y car. What is he doing here? How did he find us? Why is he here? These are all the questions, among with a million other questions, were flying through my head like a flock of seagulls.

         “Justin!” I heard Brady scream as he dropped the bag and jumped into Justin’s arms. “Hi Justin! I knew you was gonna come! Are you coming with us on our adventure? Is that how come you’re here? You know, you wasn’t here yesterday and I asked Mommy if you was gonna come later. Did you know we’re going to see them fountains again? Do you remember them? Them was my favorite!”

         “Whoa,” Justin replied with a smile, “It’s good to see you, kid. I missed you.”

         “I missed YOU! You know what Justin? I missed you so much, even ask Mommy. I brought Hungry Hungry Hippos cause you said we was gonna play but then you left! It’s ok though, cause I brought it anyway and I knew you would come back and we could play it later! Wanna play? Wanna play it now?”

         “Not right now Tec, later for sure. Get in the car, ok buddy? I’m going to talk to Mom for a minute.”

         I walked by Justin and to the trunk so I could put our bags in. he came next to me and grabbed the bag from my hand placing it in the trunk for me, “How did you get here?”

         “Plane… then cab.”

         “How did you know we were staying here?”

         “I drove around looking for your car. I’m telling you, that cab driver was getting a little annoyed with me,” he smiled.

         “Look, I’m not going back. So… please don’t do this in front of Brady.” I felt my eyes start to water again. It was hard enough for me to leave in the first place. I can’t keep doing these goodbyes.

         “I didn’t say anything about you coming back.”

         The what the hell is he doing here? Obviously Kelly told him where we are which doesn’t really surprise me. I should have told her not to, although I thought it was obvious I didn’t want him to know. I’m not blaming Kelly, next time I’ll have to make myself clearer.

         “Where are you guys headed?” Justin continued as he crossed his arms over his chest.

         “Breakfast.”

         “I’m hungry,” he replied with a slight smirk.

          I bit at my lip and looked him over. It’s hard to say no when he gives me that look. I turned my gaze to Brady who was watching us carefully. “Fine but just breakfast, and you can’t ask questions or expect answers. We’re eating breakfast and then we’re leaving, and you have to be ok with that.”

         He nodded his head even though I know there’s no possible way he’s going to be ok with everything and just let us go. No way. But I guess we’ll deal with that when the times comes. Brady needs to have one more time with Justin and he needs to be able to say goodbye. I need to start acting like a mother and do what’s best for him. 

 

         “Coffee?” the waitress asked while chewing her gum and sliding two mugs of coffee at us before we could respond, “What do you want?” she looked at Brady. She’s definitely one of those ladies that doesn’t give a shit about her job. This isn’t exactly the nicest restaurant, more like the dirtiest, but we really are in the middle of nowhere. It was this place or 10 miles of desert until we could find another one.

         “Chocolate milk please and thank you!” Brady smiled, he couldn’t be happier now that Justin is here. He’s got everything he needs; me, Justin, chocolate milk, and a big waffle on the way. I really wish I could go back to that, when life was so simple.  “Justin! Can we go fishin again? Memba that time I got that big fish and then we ate it for dinner. We should go fishin again and get another fish!”

         “Yeah man, that was fun.”

         “AAAANNND I still didn’t get to go find da dinosaurs. When are we gonna find da dinosaurs?”

         “Brady, shh. I know you’re excited to see Justin again but please try and keep it down.” I said as the waitress placed the glass of chocolate milk in front of Brady and he took a big sip. We ordered our food and Brady began coloring on the placemat, he’s in his own little world. He’s back to being comfortable now that Justin’s here, he’s got all he needs. “So, what are you doing here?”

         “You just disappeared. You can’t do that. You have to at least say goodbye, I thought something happened.”

         “I’m sorry,” I answered softly before taking a sip of my coffee, “I didn’t mean for you to be worried.”

         “You should have let me know,” he answered simply.

         “You wouldn’t have let us go.”

         He licked his lips and took a sip of his coffee; I don’t know why he’s thinking about it. He would never have let us go. “You’re right but… I think I would have been able to talk you out of it.” he paused and took another sip of his coffee before speaking louder this time, “But enough about that, I’m not here to talk about the past or persuade you to come back. I just wanted a fair goodbye. So what are your plans?”

         I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional but I feel like I’m about to cry. Instead of answering him right away I bring the cup of coffee to my lips pretending to take a sip. “I’m not exactly sure. I figure we’ll just keep driving until we find somewhere that looks good.”

         Justin nodded his head; I know he’s trying hard not to say anything that will get me upset. “You’re going to find somewhere soon right? You don’t want Brady missing that much school.”

         I just nodded my head to hide the fact that I haven’t really thought of that, or anything for that matter. “Yeah, we’ll get him caught up, I’ve been working with him.”

         “And um… your mom?”

         Why does everyone bring that up? I don’t need to answer that question so I’m not going to. “I think he’s doing real good in school already. I mean, his teacher said he’s really learning fast. He’s a smart boy.”

         “He is,” Justin nodded his head. He’s good at getting the hints when I don’t want to talk about my mother; I’ll give him that. “I hope you can find a school you like. Are you going to look into schools before you find a place?”

         Once again that isn’t something I thought about. We had a hard time finding a school for Brady, and there’s no way I’m going to be able to afford an apartment in a nice area, or even a decent area. We’ll definitely not be able to find a school like the one he’s at now. I won’t let him go to a school like the one in our neighborhood.

         Justin continued since I was unable to answer, “I’m sure you’ll find something.  What about work, what are you thinking?” I shrugged but he continued, “You’ll find something.”

         What’s up with him being so optimistic? He’s usually telling me to stop being an idiot and get my act together and now he’s telling me that I should go ahead and move wherever I want and everything will work out.

         “Justin! This is for you. I made you this picture. Now can I have your paper so I can make another one?” Brady said as he held the paper in Justin’s face.

         “Thank you, I will save that for sure. I need a new one for my refrigerator.”

I took a deep breath and looked away from them so I could control myself and not act like a fool and cry here in the middle of the dingy diner.  It’s really sad, but I kind of want Justin to go back to his old asshole ways. It’s like he’s too perfect now and I’m afraid I’ll go back and it won’t be that good. Not only that, but I can’t just stay here and live off him. He’s already done so much for me and I shouldn’t let him.

         The waitress plopped the food in front of us and I cut up Brady’s pancake while they continued talking. I’m trying really hard not to listen. The conversations the two of them have are always so cute and funny, it makes everything harder. How am I going to tell Brady he has to say goodbye to Justin? It would have been better if Justin just let us go. Sure, Brady would have asked about him for a while, but he would have stopped at some point. There has to be a point where Brady will forget about Justin all together.

         “What are you going to do about the court case?”

         I shrugged as I played with the food in front of me, “Well Gabe won’t know where we are.”

         “Yeah,” Justin nodded, “But it’s not going to look good that you just ran away without telling anyone. I mean, it’s kind of going to look good for his case, don’t you think?”

         I did not think about that. Gabe is trying to say how I’m unstable and paranoid. This kind of proves his point. I’m not acting very stable. Would they actually be able to come find us and make us do the case? Gabe could fight for custody and honestly he’d probably get it with all this shit that’s been going on. That can’t happen. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life on the run.

         “But it’ll work out.” Justin continued.

         “Can you stop being so optimistic?” it’s really driving me crazy. Why is he acting like this? He’s supposed to be mad. It’s like he doesn’t even care that we’re leaving. He called me like twenty times yesterday and he got on a damn plane and came to find us. Obviously he cares, why is he acting like he doesn’t?

         “Sorry,” he answered with a chuckle, “I just… I mean obviously you have it all figured out. You wouldn’t just pack up your kid and flee the state without any plan. You’ve gotta have a plan right?” I nodded my head slowly, even though I don’t exactly have a plan, “Of course you do. So it’ll all work out. I know you wouldn’t do anything stupid, especially for Brady’s sake. I’m not worried Chloe, you know what you’re doing.”

         Except I have no idea what I’m doing. He can’t honestly think I have this all figured out. There’s no possible way. Obviously I’m completely lost with life in general. I can’t be that good at faking it. After breakfast we walked awkwardly back to my car. I’m not going to be able to say goodbye, maybe a bolt of lightning will come and make us run in opposite directions. That’s not asking too much, is it?

         “Guess what Justin? You said we could play Hungry Hungry Hippos but then you left before we got to play. But don’t worry cause I brought it with us and we can play now before we go to the water fountains again.” Brady said with a huge smile. I don’t really want to go back to the water fountains, especially because of what happened the last time we were in Vegas. If Justin is with us he will no doubt cause a scene, but I don’t want to go back without him either. I can’t do it myself.

         Justin looked at me before agreeing to play, “Alright man, one game.”

         “Just one game, I promise. Or maybe two. Or maybe seven, but that’s it!” Brady giggled as he crawled in the car and came back a few seconds later with the box in his little hands. “Where can we play Mommy?”

         I looked around for the empty desert when my eyes landed on a picnic table on the other end of the parking lot, “There we go, aren’t we lucky?”

         “We’re so lucky! I’m lucky too Mommy cause I get you AND Justin today!” Why did he have to go and say that? I really hate when he says that stuff, why does he have to be so attached to Justin? I don’t even understand it. “Mommy’s pink and Justin’s yellow and I’m blue and green.”

         “That’s still not fair Tec,” Justin answered with a chuckle as he grabbed yellow hippo, “Why do you always get two?”

         “Because I’m little and you’re big. That’s it! Ready? On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!!” Brady screamed and giggled like he always does as we fought to get our hippos to eat the most while marbles. Brady loves this game more than he loves ice cream, and that’s a big deal. He just giggles the whole time, which is completely contagious and it’s only a matter of seconds before Justin and I are laughing along with him. “I win the first game! Time for game two. On your mark, get set, GO!!!!!” he doesn’t even give us a chance to get ready, that’s why he wins every time. One of these days I’m going to have to teach him how to play the right way and so he’ll stop cheating so much. I can’t bring myself to do that just yet, it’s too cute.

         After about fifteen games, we sat in silence while Brady continued playing by himself. This is awkward; I wish it could all just go away. “So what are you… going to do?” I asked looking out in the desert.

         “I’ll just get a cab and head to the airport I guess. I want to give you some money,” he stood up and grabbed his wallet from his back pocket.

         “No, no. You’ve done plenty, I can’t take your money.”

         “I really would feel a lot better if you’d take some money Chloe.”

         I turned my head away from him so he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. He still wants to take care of me, of us, even when I’m so completely crazy that I’m about to leave him and cut all contact with him. He’s the one man in my life that I’ve ever trusted, and he’s never done anything to loose my trust. And I’m leaving; I’m getting ready to run away from him. He flew out here and literally drove in a cab from hotel to hotel looking for my car, just so he could get a chance to say goodbye. Then while we’re here he’s so damn optimistic and says he trusts me because I know I’m doing what I have to do. Except I’m not. What am I doing?

         I wiped my eyes and grabbed the money from his hand, stuffing it in my purse. “Thank you.”

         “Your welcome. Call me, all right? If you need anything, I mean it, anything. And just to check in too, let me know you guys are all right. OK Chloe?”

         I nodded my head and stood up, “Brady come on, it’s time to go.” He stood up and followed me, grabbing onto Justin’s hand as we walked through the parking lot. This is absolutely ridiculous.

         “Well, I’ll see you later Brady. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you. It’s been real, Tec.” Justin said as he picked Brady up and gave him a real good hug before placing him in he car. Justin looks as white as a ghost. Why is this so hard?

         “Thanks for everything.” I answered softly while Justin walked over to my side of the car.

         “Yeah, make sure you let me know if you need anything else. Be careful, alright?” I nodded my head and he pulled me into a tight hug, giving me a chance to completely break down in his arms. I shouldn’t be crying. I should be acting stronger. “Are you alright?”

         I nodded my head and wiped my eyes before pulling away from him. We both stood there just looking at each other, unable to move for what seemed like hours. “I can… take you to the airport. You’re not going to find a cab out here.”

         Justin nodded his head in agreement, “That would work. Thanks.”

         We got in the car quietly as I drove back towards the highway. No one said anything, not even Brady. I think somehow he knew what was going on, at least to some extent. When I got to the exit of the highway I kept driving. My head wanted me to get off the exit but my heart wouldn’t let me.

         “I think that was the…”

         “I’m just going to take you home,” I broke in before he could finish and turned my gaze to him, letting him completely see my tear stained face, “Is that ok?”

         Justin nodded his head and smiled before placing a hand on my lap. “That’s perfect.” He laughed as I wiped my eyes again, “Are you alright? Do you want me to drive?”

         I nodded my head and pulled over to the side of the road. As we switched sides we stopped in front of my car and Justin gave me the best hug ever. He kissed me gently, making my knees go weak. “It’s alright, you’re doing the right thing.” He said before kissing me one more time and wiping my tears away. For once, I actually feel like I am doing the right thing. 

 

         It was just getting dark when Justin pulled into the parking lot of our apartment. I let out a sigh of relief, surprised at how good it feels to be back in Los Angeles. 

         “We’re home! We’re home!” Brady shouted from the backseat, “We’re home! Mommy, that was a loooong special trip and now we’re home!”

         “Yes, we sure are home,” I answered softly as I helped him out of the car. I didn’t realize how tough this has been for Brady to be trapped in a car for pretty much two days straight. The drive home was much better, I wasn’t crying nearly as much. I think I’ve got myself under control now.  I just need to face the facts, that I do need Justin. Is that really a bad thing? He’ll do anything for us and he actually cares. I never thought I’d find anyone that could care as much as he does about both Brady and I. He literally took a cab driving all around looking for my car. That speaks for itself.

         So what if I need him? I think he’s made it pretty clear that he’s not going anywhere. Maybe I need to be all right with that and let him in. He hasn’t done anything but helped us; maybe that’s what I need. I do feel much better knowing he’s around looking out for us. Maybe it’s ok not to be an independent woman, I need to just come to terms with the fact that I’m not. I shouldn’t push this man away just because I feel like I should be independent and be able to take care of Brady by myself. Most single mothers would kill to have someone like Justin willing to help, not even to mention how perfect he is with Brady.

         “Hey Tec, don’t run ahead alright? Wait for us.” Justin shouted out to Brady who stopped halfway up the stairs and came back to the car. “I got it Chloe.” He spoke to me with a smile as he grabbed the suitcase from my hand.

         “Thank you. Brady can you come back here please and get your game?”

         Brady giggled as he climbed back in the car to get his game. “Can we go swimming at Justin’s?”

         “Aren’t you even a little tired?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “Tec, it’s almost bedtime. We’ve been driving all day, how are you not tired?”

         “I slept, ya’know.”

         Justin laughed at Brady’s response, “No you did not. You were up the whole time talking to me.”

         “We’re just going to find something to eat and then head to bed sweetie. We’ve had a busy couple of days and you have to go to school tomorrow.”

         Brady took a deep breath and followed closely behind Justin as we walked up to our apartment. I’m pretty sure Brady thinks he’s Justin’s shadow. It’s a good thing he didn’t know my plan, or lack of plan, in leaving. I don’t think Brady could handle never seeing Justin again. They both waited in silence as I reached in my purse to grab the key and opened the door. Brady was the first inside, running in and jumping on the couch while we followed in. I’m surprised at how good it feels to be home.

         Justin placed the suitcases against the wall and went right to the windows, opening up the curtains to get some light in. He has this weird obsession with having the curtains open. It’s not even like the sun is shining, it’s almost pitch black outside.

         “Just a little light while it’s still out. It’s so dark in here.” Justin gave me a crooked smile. I guess I was staring at him, sometimes I think he can read my mind. “You have nothing to worry about,” he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my forehead.

         “Eww!” Brady screamed before running to us and squeezing between us, “Stop! I’m hungry. Mommy, I’m hungry. Can we get pizza? Yeah, can we get pizza?”

         I placed an arm around Brady and closed my eyes, taking in the moment. If we could stay like this forever I would be happy.  As for dinner, I hate to have him eat so much junk but I don’t really have any other options at the moment. I’ll have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. “Sure Monkey. We’ll get you all washed up while we’re waiting for it to come.”

         “I’ll order it. Go ahead, get ready for bed.”

         “Thank you,” I smiled as I grabbed onto Brady’s hand and brought him to his room. I feel like Justin and I are on the same wavelength most of the time. It’s like he can tell when I could use a little help and he just steps right up and does it. I would imagine this is what a normal relationship between a man and woman with children would be like. I’ve never witnessed that before. When I was a kid it was just my mother and I, no male in my life whatsoever. I questioned it, but it was never that big of a deal. Seeing Justin with Brady makes me realize how much I’ve missed. Brady is a boy; he needs a man in his life way more than I did. The last thing I want is for Brady to grow up missing out on anything, especially something as big as this.

         After dinner I put Brady to bed and sat on the floor in the living room unpacking the suitcases.  Justin sat on the couch talking to someone on the phone about work. I scooted back and leaned my back against the couch between his legs. “I can’t for the next couple weeks is what I’m saying,” he spoke into the phone and ran his hands through my hair. “Yeah, give me a few weeks. Yeah… Just tell them no comment about that, I don’t want anyone getting involved. Just give me a couple weeks.   I can call them. Yeah man, I’ll call them. All right, thanks. Later.”

         “Everything ok?” I asked as I placed my hand on his knee.  I think that had something to do with Brady and I. People have been asking a lot of questions and are trying to dig up information on us just because of my relationship with Justin. It’s really weird and definitely something I need to get used to.

         “Yeah, everything is fine.”

         “Are you sure? You can do stuff. I don’t want you to change everything around for us.”

         “I’m not, don’t worry. Come up here.” He grabbed onto my arm and pulled me onto the couch with him.

         “So, we should probably talk, huh?”

         “If you want to talk, we can talk.” Justin chuckled quickly and placed his arm around me before pulling my legs to his lap, “If you don’t want to talk, we won’t talk.”

         “I just want to… apologize for everything, and I’m not good at the whole apologizing thing so like...”

         “Then don’t apologize,” Justin broke in with a smile, “You don’t need to apologize for anything, we’re good Chloe. Everything is good.”

         I rested my head against him and took a deep breath. “I just don’t think sometimes, and I know that’s not good and it’s horrible actually but it’s just the way I am. I just act on impulse and something comes up and I freak out. But like, you always come around and have to swoop in and make me realize what a huge mistake I’m making. That’s not really fair for you to have to do that all the time. So, I’m sorry.”

         He laughed quietly and my apology and pulled me onto his lap, “Apology accepted. I can’t just sit back and watch you leave without knowing what you’re doing. If you really needed to leave you need to do it the right way and have a plan.”

         “I know,” I nodded my head, “I’m going to work on that.”

         “Perfect then, work on it.”

         “I will.”

         “You will.”

         I smiled and moved my legs around his waist before looking down at the couch. I’m not good at the whole telling people how I feel thing. “I did miss you though,” I said very quietly, it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t even hear me.

         Justin placed his finger under my chin and lifted it so I was looking at him. “I missed you too,” he whispered.

         “Thinking that I’d never see you again was really… scary.”

         “Then don’t think it,” he answered louder this time, “Don’t leave and you don’t have to worry about that.”

         “I know,” I nodded my head. I’m getting emotional now. I have seriously cried more in the past few days than I have in my whole life. This is absolutely insane. “Just really… thank you for everything. You have no idea how much you’ve saved us…”

         “Saved you?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “Come on now Chloe, I didn’t save you. You’d be fine.”

         I don’t know if he realizes how not fine I am. At times I think he gets it, but I manage to fight with him about it so much that he starts to believe that I know what I’m doing. Or at least he pretends he does. It’s only a matter of time before he figures it out.

         “Well, I really am thankful for everything. At some point I’m going to pay you back. I don’t know how or when, but I’ll figure something out.”

         Justin nodded his head and bit at his bottom lip as the corner of his lips started to form a smile, “You’ll figure something out.”

         He’s not taking it nearly as seriously as I am. I really do want to pay him back and I need to think of a way to do that. I know he doesn’t really expect anything from me, but maybe that’s not a good thing.

         “We can start by going to bed,” he continued with a smile.

         “Yeah, let’s go to bed,” I answered with a smile before placing my lips against his. It’s been a while since we’ve even kissed, never mind how long it’s been since we’ve actually had sex. Justin picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, kissing me passionately before placing me on the bed. He climbed on top of me and pulled my t-shirt off, kissing down my chest slowly. I definitely missed this.

         I pulled his shirt off and ran my hands down his chest before unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down his body. He went into my dresser draw and grabbed a condom as I kissed his shoulder. I felt him tug at my sweatpants and let out a sigh as he kissed my stomach before pulling my panties off. I crawled to the foot of the bed as Justin sat with his back against the headboard and played with the strap of my bra. I should try and be sexier and give him a little striptease, he does like that.

         “I don’t need that, come here.”

         I smiled and crawled on his lap, pressing my lips against his. I moaned softly as I felt him enter me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt him inside me like this; I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Justin moved his hands to my back so he could unhook my bra and gently massaged my breast as we moved together. I felt myself getting close and threw my head back as I dug my nails into his back.

         We both sat in silence, trying to even out our breathing. I kissed his shoulder and crawled off him so I could lay down with him. I ran my hands over his back that was now red from where I clawed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

         “You didn’t, I’m fine,” he kissed my forehead and pulled me to his chest. “I’d say you’re starting up your payback with a bang,” he laughed.

         I laughed and slapped his chest, “I’m working on it.”

         “You sure are.”

         I could stay like this in his arms forever. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. I feel like when I’m here in his arms I’m safe from everything and there is nothing possible that could hurt me.

         “Shit.” I heard his voice and felt my heart stop beating for a second.

         “Shit? Shit, what?” I asked. Who says shit after sex? Why would he possibly say shit?

         “It broke.”

         “What broke?” I don’t know why I asked the question. What else could he possibly be referring to after we just had sex? There’s only one thing that would cause a man to say “shit” after having sex.

         “The condom,” he answered almost in a whisper.

         “Like… just now it broke? Or like it broke…”

         “Why would I tell you it just broke now? How would that be something newsworthy?” this is not a good sign, not at all. He’s freaking out too, it’s not just me. That’s how I know it really is a big deal, because he’s freaking out right along with me.

         “Shit. Shit, fuck, no” I shouted softly, trying to keep my voice down so I don’t wake up Brady. That’s all we need. “No. That can’t happen. Are you sure?”

         “Yes Chloe, I’m fucking sure.” Justin said before taking a deep breath and rubbing his forehead. “It’s ok,” he continued as if to assure himself, “It’s not a big deal. You’re on the pill so…”

         “I’m not on the pill,” I answered quickly. I am definitely not on any pills, so now he’s back to freaking out.

         “What do you mean you’re not on the pill?”

         “I mean, I’m not taking any pills.”

         “What?” he shouted now, “You don’t think that’s something you should have fucking told me?”

         “I didn’t know I had to tell you I was NOT taking something. Did you think they give me health insurance at the club? I can’t just go buy the pill, I can’t even buy food.”

         Justin took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair as he paced around the room, “Well, chances are Chloe that I would have given you a couple bucks to get the fucking pill. How are you not on the fucking pill? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

         “Yeah, you’re right I’m joking, this is all an evil joke.” I answered sarcastically and wiped my eyes that were now opening up to let the tears fall down my face. This can’t be happening.

         “Alright, alright stop. Don’t cry it’s all right. It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, what are the chances?”

         “Pretty high, I’d say it’s pretty possible. Especially when I think about what happened last time I had sex without a condom and nine months later, congratulations it’s a boy!”

         “So, that was different,” he’s trying to calm me down now, that’s the only reason why he’s brought his voice down and he’s not freaking out anymore. I know on the inside he’s going absolutely crazy. “Would it even be so bad if you were to get pregnant?”

         I looked at him for a second. He’s gone absolutely fucking crazy. “Yes! Are you serious? Would it be so bad? Yes, it would be so fucking bad. I can not have another kid when I can’t even take care of the one I have.”

         “How can you say you don’t take care of the one you have? And the difference would be that I’m the father so it’s not like you’ll go through all that shit.”

         “And you’d just be fine being a father? That’s it? Because I’m so sure your publicist would love that, not even to mention how much I’d be attacked. They all followed Brady and I and he’s not even your son. They’re trying to dig up shit and get our pictures.  It would be complete madness with your actual child.”

         Justin was quiet for a second, letting everything sink in. I don’t know what he’s getting upset about, it’s absolutely ridiculous that he thinks it wouldn’t be a big deal if I were to have another kid. “All I’m saying is you’re older now, you have experience. And you already have a kid, you’re already a mother.”

         “I don’t need every man that I have sex with to get me pregnant Justin! It is a big deal, it’s a fucking huge deal and you’re out of your fucking mind if you don’t think it is.”

         “Would you relax? Fuck Chloe.” He took a deep breath and sat down at the foot of the bed, “So basically, what your saying is you don’t want to have a baby with me.”

         Is he serious? “Basically, what I’m saying is right now in this moment I don’t want to have a baby with anyone. I would like to get my life straightened out a little first.”

         “But that’s not what you said. You said my publicist would freak out and everyone would attack you. If you think about all the attention you’ve gotten so far, forget it. You’ll get a million times more if you were to have my child. Not even to mention how crazy it would be if we were to god forbid get married.”

         “What are you even talking about?” I shouted. He’s freaking out about something completely different than what we should be freaking out about.

         “I’m talking about us Chloe. If you can’t deal with the slight possibility that you could get pregnant with my kid then what the fuck are we doing? It would be the end of the world if you were to have my kid, not any other guy’s fucking kid because then you wouldn’t be followed around or people wouldn’t talk shit about you.  But if you had my kid, because of who I am, your life would be over.”

         I took a deep breath, “Look, I did not say that. You need to stop being so touchy and putting things in my mouth. All I said is that I don’t want a fucking baby right now, and the condom broke!”

         “You don’t want my fucking baby right now.”

         “Oh my god!” I screamed, he’s driving me crazy. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

         “Yeah, sure. Let’s not talk about it right now,” he answered quietly and fell back onto the bed. He’s taking this to a different level. We need to focus on the problem at hand. I started jumping up and down because I remember reading about people jumping up and down after sex so they don’t get pregnant. I don’t remember if the paper said that it works or it doesn’t work but I’m going to try whatever it is I can. “What are you doing?”

         “Jumping. What does it look like I’m doing?’

         “OK, why are you jumping?”

         “So like... they don’t meet.”

         “They?”

         “Your sperm and my egg, so they don’t get fertilized.”

         Justin laughed, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

         “Well I don’t see you coming up with any better ideas.”

         He took a deep breath and placed his arm over his head, “Just go to sleep. We’ll get the Morning After Pill tomorrow and everything will be fine. Calm down.”

         “Yeah, ok no. I don’t want to wait until the morning, I want it now.”

         “Chloe, it’s called the Morning After Pill, you take it the morning after you have sex.”

         “You can take it anytime after. What if we go tomorrow and they’re all out?”

         “Then we go somewhere else,” he answered calmly. I’m surprised he’s managed to calm himself down so much.

         “What if everywhere is out of them?”

         “Yeah, what if there’s a huge outcry of people having unprotected sex on the same night?” he asked sarcastically.

         “Well, what if there’s a defect with all the condoms and they’re all breaking? Then we’ll go in the morning and they’ll be all out all over the country.”

         Justin took a deep breath, sat up, and pulled his clothes on. He didn’t say anything else; he just grabbed his keys and his wallet and slammed the door on his way out. This is not a good sign. 

 

         I paced around the living room, waiting for Justin to come back. He was really upset. I hate when he gets so mad but I don’t think I did anything wrong. He completely overreacted. I did not even for a second infer that I don’t want to have his children. I am obviously in no position to have another child at this point, that’s all I was saying. There’s no need for him to take it so damn personally.

         Of course if I were to have another kid he would be the perfect person for me to have a child with. He’s amazing with Brady; I know he’ll be a great father one day. Sometimes I think he gets so caught up in his whole fake family thing that he actually thinks he is Brady’s father. That doesn’t even matter though, that’s the least of my problems. I just really wish he wouldn’t have been so upset.

         Sure, maybe I could have been a little nicer with the whole situation but I was stressed out, it caught me off guard. The condom broke and his little sperm could be swimming up to my egg at this very moment. That’s not ok. Honestly, I haven’t ever thought about having more kids. I can’t say I’d be against the idea, but next time I would like to do it with an actual husband. It’s not that I’m worried Justin would be like Gabe and would leave me to take care of the baby and Brady on my own. I know he’d be a huge part of the baby’s life. OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. There is no baby and I sure as hell cannot have one at this point in my life.

         I walked to Brady’s room and stood at the doorway watching him as he slept. He’s getting so big. I remember when he was a tiny baby and couldn’t even talk and now he’s able to hold actual conversations and make jokes. I do kind of miss having a baby around.

         The front door opened and I made my way back into the living room where Justin was now standing with his hood over his head. He held out the bag without saying a word. “Thank you,” I answered softly as I took the bag from his hand. He didn’t answer but fell onto the couch, moving the hood away from his head. “I’m sorry if you were offended, but I really didn’t mean…”

         “OK,” he answered before I could finish.

         I stood in front of him awkwardly while he lay on his back, “Aren’t you going to come to bed?”

         “I’m fine out here.”

         My heart sank; I think it literally stopped beating for a second. He is overreacting. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was freaking out, not exactly thinking and he shouldn’t be so pissed. I turned silently and went in the bedroom, grabbing some blankets and a pillow for him. When I went back out Justin had his arm over his eyes as if he were already sleeping. “Don’t you want some blankets and a pillow? Are you sure you don’t want to come to bed? I’m really sorry.”

         “I’m fine,” he said as he grabbed the pillow and blanket from my hands, “Just go to bed.”

         “Justin…” I whined because I don’t know what else to do.

         “Chloe, I’m fine. Go to bed.” He repeated a little louder this time so I knew he wasn’t fooling around. He’s done with me. I turned around again and grabbed the bag with the pill in it before going to bed. I lay in bed backwards, with my head at the foot of the bed so I could watch Justin on the couch. It’s not fair that we’re sleeping in different rooms because of this stupid fight. We seem to fight more often than not and it’s always over such stupid things. Someone always overreacts, and I admit most times it’s me, but I really can’t see how I’m in the wrong with this one. I just want to sleep with him, like literally sleep with him. It’s been a few nights since I have. Last night at this time I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never sleep with him again. Now he’s here, in the next room sleeping on the couch instead of sleeping in bed with me. It’s not really fair.

         I tossed the bag with the pills on the bedside table and turned off the light, drifting off to sleep wishing Justin was next to me instead of sleeping on the couch mad at me.

         The next morning I awoke to Brady giggling. I looked out in the living room and saw him jumping on Justin who was asleep on the couch, well he was asleep a few seconds ago before my lovely son jumped on him and woke him up. “Whoa man, you should not jump on someone like that when they’re sleeping. You’re going to give a man a heart attack,” he said with a chuckle before grabbing onto Brady and pulling him down on the couch with him.

         “How come you’re on the couch Justin? Is the bed broken?”

         “Yeah, it’s crazy it just broke.”

         “Is Mommy ok?”

         “Yeah, Tec don’t worry. Mommy’s fine.”

         I took that as my cue to head out to them. “Mommy!” Brady shouted as I walked out and jumped into my arms.

         “Good Morning Darling, did you sleep ok?” he nodded his head while I tried to kiss his forehead, “We have to get you ready for school.”

         “Oh yeah, yay! Justin, I get to go to school today!” it’s still weird to me that he’s excited to go to school. I know that’s a good thing but I absolutely hated school. I’m not sure where he gets his love of knowledge.

         “I heard, that’s very exciting. You better go get ready.”

         Brady ran off because he does anything Justin suggests he do. Justin might as well be his father; he listens to him more than he listens to me half the time.

         “Good Morning.” I said to Justin as he sat up and stretched his arms over his head.

         “Morning,” he answered quietly.

         “I’m sorry he woke you up.”

         “It’s fine.”

         Well it’s good to know Justin is still just as pissed off at me as he was last night.  I really don’t understand it. “Are you still mad about…”

         “You better go help Brady before he drowns himself in the sink,” Justin spoke before I could finish. I turned around and saw Brady splashing in the sink so I rushed in the bathroom to help him before he made a complete mess. I’m starting to get annoyed.

         After I finished getting Brady we sat down at the kitchen table and each had a bowl of cereal. Justin talked to Brady but didn’t show me very much attention unless it was necessary. I wish I knew what the hell was going on. It’s annoying that he can be so happy and goofy with Brady but with me he’s like totally different. It’s so fake. He’s not an actor he doesn’t need to act around Brady. I mean, I guess it’s a good thing that’s he’s not acting like an ass around Brady but I’d rather him not act like an ass at all.

         We dropped Brady off and school and then drove back to my apartment in silence. He parked the car and didn’t move, making me wonder if he was even going to come inside. “So, we should probably talk. Or are we just going to ignore each other? Because that works too.”

         Justin waited a few seconds before answering. He kept his hands on the steering wheel and his eyes fixed on the parking lot in front of him. “Yeah, we should talk.”

         I didn’t know how to respond, or if I should even respond so I waited until he got out of the car before I did. He didn’t wait for me; instead he walked a few feet ahead of me all the way up to the door. This is going great.

         I sat down on the couch as Justin stood by the kitchen with his arms crossed looking at the ground. He is definitely upset still, over what I’m still not sure. “OK,” I spoke up first because the silence was killing me.  “So can you explain to me what exactly it is that you’re so pissed about because I really don’t get it? I was stressed out Justin, I was freaking out. You took it the wrong way…”

         He broke in once again. For some reason he won’t let me finish anything I want to say. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly, looking me right in the eye. “I think some of your shit is coming back and you need to get it straightened out.”

         Well that caught me off guard. He’s the one that needs to get his shit straightened out; he’s the one that’s mad at me. “Well you know what I think? I think that you need to get your shit straightened out. I think that I have enough to worry about right now that I don’t need to worry about hurting your feelings when shit happens and I freak out a little bit. Just because I got a little crazy last night does not mean that my shit is coming back. Anybody would have freaked out, it’s not that abnormal.” I’m fuming now; I’m going fucking crazy. How dare he go there.

         “I can’t do it anymore Chloe, I can’t.” he looked down at the ground and shook his head as he spoke quietly.

         “Can’t… do what?”

“I can’t live like I’m walking on eggshells with you all the time. I can’t live my life being afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing and you’re going to take Brady and run away. It’s dangerous, and I think I’m hurting more than I’m helping.”

“What?” what is happening? “You’re not hurting, what are you saying?”

He ran his hands though his hair and fell down to the couch before finally speaking again. “I’m not helping. I’m like a crutch when I do the right thing but when I do something wrong, or something differently from the way you think I should do it you freak out. I can’t go on afraid that I’m going to say something or do something wrong and you’re going to do something stupid. I can’t just sit here and know that I can cause that.”

“What are you even talking about?” I sat down next to him and placed my hands on his cheeks so he would look at me. His eyes were red and watery. Just seeing him like that made me realize how serious this was. “You’re helping, are you kidding? You’re helping so much and I’m so sorry if you think that you’re not, but you are.”

He reached his hands to mine. “I can’t Chloe, I just can’t do it anymore. So I’m going to go. I’ll be here as much as I can without actually being here. I’m going to leave Tiny, he’ll look out for you guys as long as you need him. I want you to call me if you need anything, anything Chloe. But I’ll go and… leave you guys alone.” He kissed my hand before standing up and heading to the door.

“Wait. Justin wait, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” This can’t be happening, it has to be a nightmare. I’m crying and Justin’s crying and if everyone is fucking crying then why the hell is this happening?

“I know you are, it’s not about that. It’s what’s best, it’s what we have to do.”

“But Brady…”

“Brady will be fine. He’s a tough kid, don’t worry about him.”

“How can I not worry about him? Justin he needs you. I need you. We need you.”

“You don’t need me. You’ve made it this far without me. You’ll be fine. I’m not helping you Chloe, I’m hurting you.”

“Stop saying that! It’s not true and you know it’s not true.”

“It is!” he shouted back and then spoke in almost a whisper, “It is. You need to get your stuff figured out and so do I. You need to focus on Brady and the court case and Gabe. You need to worry about the important things.”

“Like you!” he’s way too calm and I’m freaking the fuck out. I’m crying like I haven’t cried every in my life except when my mom died and I can’t even see straight. “You’re important to me. You’re important to us.  Please don’t do this.”

“I have to,” he spoke quietly as he pulled me into a hug. “You’ll be alright. You’ll be fine Chloe. Just do what you need to do. Focus on what you need to focus on.” He pulled away from me a kissed me quickly before heading to the door, “Bye Chloe.”

“No!” I shouted. If he thinks I’m just going to sit back and watch him leave he’s got another thing coming. “I don’t get why this is happening? Why are you doing this? Don’t go! Please Justin, I’ll do anything you want, please!”

“Just stop, you’re making it harder.”

“I’m making it harder? Fuck you! I’m not making it harder, it’s hard. It’s fucking hard because it doesn’t make any fucking sense!”

“It does make sense, its makes perfect sense. I’m not helping you.”

“Yes you are!” I screamed louder than I’ve ever screamed before in my life. This is complete bullshit.

“Stop Chloe, just stop!” now he’s back to being pissed. I swear there are so many changes in feelings I can’t keep up. “It’s over, alright? It’s over.” He moved my hands off him and walked out the door.

I fell to the floor, crying so hard my knees went weak. “Justin no,” I shouted out to the closed door, “I love you!” 

 

I can’t tell you how long it was before I heard a knock on the door, it could have been five minutes or it could have been give hours. Although I was still on the floor crying I jumped up quickly. There was not a single doubt in my mind that when I opened that door Justin would be standing on the other side. He’d tell me he made a mistake and he realizes how much we need him. Or he’ll tell me it was all a test, another one of his mind games to see how serious I am about this relationship. If this whole thing is about kids, I’ll have his kid. I’ll have a whole football team worth of them. I don’t need to wait; I’ll have them now. There’s no need to get married first or even at all. Let’s do it.

When I opened the door I felt my heart break all over again. It was not Justin standing in front of me but Tiny with a look of sympathy covering his face. “God sweetie, are you alright?”

“No,” I answered simply unable to move from the doorway or stop crying.

“I’m sorry Chloe, I don’t know what he’s thinking. It’ll work out though, everything will work out.”

I walked back inside, I don’t want him to stand here and pretend everything is going to be fine. It’s not. I can’t even think of how the hell I’m supposed to get through a day without Justin, forget about my whole fucking life. Why did he come all the way out to Vegas and find us when he was just going to leave me a day later? Why did he bother making such a big deal about not being able to give Brady the right kind of goodbye and then sneak away when he’s at school? Why does he bother sending Tiny here and pretend he cares about us when he can’t possibly? If he cared about us he wouldn’t just leave like that. He should have just let us go when we were in Vegas. I was just starting to be ok with the fact that I’d never see him again and then he had to go and come and get us and make me fall in love with him all over again.

“Do you want me to stay outside?”

I took a deep breath and shook my head. I need to get my shit together. “No, of course not. You really don’t need to stay here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know sweetie but Justin…”

I nodded my head so he’d stop. Hopefully he’ll never mention Justin’s name again. “I’m just going to go to bed. You can do whatever you want.” I left him alone in the living room before he could answer and fell onto my bed, pulling the covers over my head.  The remainder of the day I spent crying and over thinking everything. It’s kind of dumb for Justin to just leave like that. He should have talked to Brady first. He just snuck out and left me to do the dirty work. It’s not fair, he should man up and tell Brady what the hell is going on through his head since I have no fucking clue how to explain it to him.

Obviously I should not have let Justin and Brady get as close as they did. But how am I supposed to do that? Am I supposed to just spend my whole life alone and not even give a guy that seems like a good guy a chance? Justin is a good guy, it’s not that. I don’t think it’d be possible for me to find someone better than him. I’ll never be able to find someone that gets along with Brady as well as he does. He helps me out when I need it and it’s like he knows when I do. He did know. I need to use past tense. He’s gone. It’s over.

“Chloe,” I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door, “Do you want me to go pick up Brady? You can stay in bed.”

I looked over to the clock, thank god Tiny is here or we would have a serious problem. I need to get myself together; Brady does not need to see me like this. “Just um, give me five minutes?” I got changed and tried to pull myself together.  There’s no way I’m going to be able to hold myself together, no possible way. I can only take so much and I feel like I’m getting really close to my breaking point.

Tiny drove me to Brady’s school in silence. “I’m sorry you’re put in this position, but thank you.”

“You’re fine sweetie, take your time.”

I took a deep breath before I walked slowly to the school. The other mothers are all dressed up and wearing heels and here I am in a pair of jeans and flip-flops. If I was imagining the dirty looks I got before now I know it’s not just my imagination. They already look at us like we’re scum because Brady doesn’t have a father and it’s only a matter of time before someone does something to expose us as to using Justin’s address and he gets kicked out. I should start looking for another school.

When Brady saw me he smiled brightly, that’s the only thing in the world that could make me smile right now.  I waved back at him before motioning for him to pay attention to his teacher. He brought his hand to his mouth before turning his gaze back to Mrs. Little. I think we’ll be all right. He’s all I need. Justin’s right, we did fine without him before. We don’t need him now, just like we never did.

Finally the class was dismissed and Brady ran out and jumped in my arms. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he gets old enough that he doesn’t care when I pick him up for school. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah Mommy, I had an awesome day. You know why? Cause I was so good I got extra play time AND I got a green smiley face! And all my friends said they missed me cause I wasn’t here yesterday.”

“I bet they missed you, everyone misses you when you’re not with them. You’re doing so great in school Brady, I’m very proud of you.”

He giggled before grabbing onto my hand so we could walk to the car, “That’s ok Mommy, cause I’m not gonna be bad anymore. Memba that time I was bad? That was cause I was mad, but I’m not mad anymore. I’m a good boy.”

“You are a very good boy, quite possibly the coolest boy in the whole wide world.”

Brady giggled again and swung his hand in mine, “I am! Cause you know why? It’s cool to be good. It’s not cool to be bad. That’s what Justin said. And I wanna be just like Justin so I gotta be good so I can be cool like him.”

I wish I had a way to respond to that. I don’t know if I want Brady to be like Justin. I would hope he wouldn’t be with somebody and become pretty close to a father figure to a fatherless five-year old and then decide he doesn’t want to live that life anymore and just sneak away while the five year old is in school. Hopefully Brady would have the decency to think it through and not just surprise the kid’s mother and disappear out of the blue.

“Oh look! Tiny’s here! How come?” luckily Brady continued before I had to respond, “Hi Tiny! Remember me?” I’m so lucky Brady is outgoing. If he were shy he wouldn’t do well with Tiny being here and then he’d ask the Justin questions that I know are coming. I’d like to put those off as long as possible.

“Do I remember you? What was your name again? Grady? Trady? Cornelius?”

“No!” Brady shouted with more giggles, “No, my name is Brady silly. Mommy he forgot my name!”

“Of course I didn’t forget your name, I’m just kidding. How are you doing?”

“Me? I’m doing good cause I was good in school today. Hey Mommy, where’s Justin?”

And there it is. I don’t know why I thought I’d be able to put it off. Brady’s whole life revolves around Justin. I felt the sweat build up on my forehead. Why couldn’t I have come up with some kind of an answer?  “You got me kid, isn’t that good enough?” Tiny answered, buying me some time to come up with something.

I’m not going to try and feed Brady any lies. He should know the truth, or at least some extent of the truth. He obviously doesn’t need to know all the details. But he definitely shouldn’t think Justin just went on vacation or anything. There’s a slight chance he won’t be that upset. Maybe he’ll treat it like he did my mother’s death, he’s used to the people he loves leaving him.

Good god, what am I saying? He’s used to every single person that he loves leaving him. The only people he gets close to leave. What the fuck is wrong with me? How did I let this happen? I am not going to do it again. I will never trust any man enough to let them into Brady’s life. Never. It’s not worth it.

When we got back to my apartment I made Brady do his homework right away because I know he’s not going to do it after I tell him. He didn’t ask any more questions about where Justin was so it worked out. It wasn’t until after I fed him and got him ready for bed that he asked, “Hey Mommy, is Justin gonna be here tomorrow because I made him a present. At school Mrs. Little said we was gonna make a Father’s Day present, but I said I don’t got a father. And she said of course, everyone’s got a father. But I don’t, right?”

I nodded my head; I must remember to have a talk with this Mrs. Little. Why the fuck would she tell him everyone has a father? I swear some people are so fucking stupid. I’m ready to go show up at her doorstep now. This is not the right time to fuck with me.

“So then I said, well I know! I can make one for Justin! Cause Mrs. Little said that a father is someone that you love and someone that does fun stuff with you. And Michael said that his father takes him fishing, and Justin takes me fishing. Then Rachael said that her father takes her on vacation and Justin does that too! So Mrs. Little said I could make it for Justin. It’s not done yet though cause it had to dry so I’ma bring it home tomorrow.”

I nodded my head again because I couldn’t form words. Why did he have to tell me all that right before I was about to tell him Justin’s not coming back? “How about a quick game of Hungry Hungry Hippos before bed?”

“Yeah!” he ran to grab the game. I always know those Hippos will save the day. “Mommy’s pink and I’m blue.”

“I thought you’re blue and green.”

“Yeah but that’s cheating. Justin said that’s cheating so I’m only gonna be one from now on. I like blue better than green too.”

Oh gosh, he’s killing me here. Why does Brady have to decide today that he should only play with one hippo after the months Justin has been telling him it’s cheating? I let Brady play more games than I usually would because I was putting off what I needed to tell him.  My heart is racing and I’m getting sweaty and I don’t know how I’m going to do this.

“OK sweetheart, I think it’s time for bed.” I said as I tucked him in and sat down next to him.

“OK, cause I’m tired too. I can’t wait until tomorrow cause I can give Justin his present. Do you think maybe we can go swimming at his house after school tomorrow?”

“Hunny, we need to talk about Justin. I um… I don’t think he’s going to be coming around anymore.” Brady’s just looking at me like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying.

“Like that time he had to work and wasn’t here?”

“Kind of but… he won’t be coming back.”

“How come?” he whined, I could see the tears starting to fill his eyes, “Cause I jumped on him and woked him up? I didn’t mean to scare him Mommy, I didn’t. I was just having fun. I won’t do it anymore, I promise.”

“No, no you need to listen to me Brady. This has nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing. Justin loves you very much. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and it’s hard but we have to be ok with it. I’m sorry hunny, but we’ll be ok.” I didn’t think my heart could break anymore but that look on my son’s face is just shattering the pieces. If I don’t get out of here quickly I’m going to break down again and I really can’t do that in front of him. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep, alright babe? We’ll talk about it later. I love you so much Brady, you need to remember that ok? We have each other, that’s all we need.” I kissed his forehead and gave him a long hug. He’s not crying, he just kind of looks lost. “Are you going to be alright Monkey?”

Brady nodded his head and kissed my cheek, “Night Mommy, I love you too.”

I left Brady’s room ready to go right to bed myself. All of this is very draining. Tiny explained that he was going home for the night but someone would be keeping an eye on us so we shouldn’t be worried. I still think this is all a little excessive but I’m not about to complain now. Instead I went right to bed and tried to sort all my thoughts out.

Of course I couldn’t actually sleep and instead spent most of the night doing what I seem to do best, crying. That look on Brady’s face is going to haunt me. He looked so lost, like he has no idea how he’s going to go about his life without Justin. Why did I let this happen? It was almost midnight when I heard Brady’s soft voice, “Mommy, I can’t sleep.”

“You can’t? Come on up here and sleep with me tonight,” I said as I pulled the covers down for him to climb under. “What’s wrong sweetie?”

“I miss Justin.” Of course.

I wrapped my arms around him, “I know you do hunny. Sometimes Mommies make friends but then something happens and then they’re not friends anymore. I’m sorry you got so attached to him; I know how much you liked spending time with him. But we need some Brady Mommy time, and we’re going to focus on us for a little while ok?”

“And then Justin will come back?”

“No sweetie, let’s try and sleep alright? I love you.”

 

 

 

For the first time since Brady started school, he gave me a hard time about going. He’s always excited to go to school but today he pretended he was sick. He didn’t smile once, he didn’t laugh or giggle or have the look in his eyes that he always use to have. My heart is officially shattered. I brought him into school a little early so I could talk to his teacher about the whole not having a father thing. Although it was hard, I was able to keep my cool and explain my reasoning instead of breaking down and crying in her arms.

After I dropped him off I spent the day in bed. I haven’t really been in this depression mode since my mom died and I can’t really remember how I ever got out of it.  The whole situation would be so much easier if Brady wasn’t involved. All I can think about is how I knew from the beginning I shouldn’t let Justin get close to Brady but I still let it happen. To think Justin always thought I had walls up before, now I’m going to have to have a million more walls up. He told me that I could trust him because he’d never leave me but he did. I should have known not to trust him; he’s just like every other guy.

The day went by way too fast. It seemed like I just climbed into bed when Tiny knocked on my door to tell me it was time to pick up Brady. I am thankful he’s still around. At least I feel safe; it would be horrible if I had to deal with the fear of someone showing up at my door as well as everything else.  When I got to the school I noticed Brady sitting in the time out chair. I wasn’t really surprised; Brady tends to act up in school when he has a tough time dealing with whatever is going on at home. I wish I had some way to help him deal with the bad shit besides acting out.

When Brady saw me he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the ground. Great. “Hi, Mrs. Little.” I said as I made my way over to her. “I see Brady had a tough day today?”

“He was just off all day. He had a tough day all around, not listening, had a hard time paying attention, he was fooling around.”

I looked over at Brady who still had his arms crossed and was looking away. “I’m sorry, we’ll work on that for Monday. Come on Brady, time to go.”

“Don’t forget your present,” Mrs. Little said before handing Brady what I assume to be the Father’s Day gift he made for Justin. He took it from her hand but threw it in the trashcan before running out of the room.

I felt a tear escape down my face and quickly wiped it away before grabbing the present out of the trash. “I’m sorry,” I said to his teacher, “We’re having… a bit of a hard time.” I rushed out of the room, past the other mothers who were standing there in shock. Sorry, I don’t have control over my son like you perfect Stepford wives. My son does not know how to behave because he does not have a father and the father figure he once had decided a few days ago that he couldn’t stick around because Mommy’s crazy.

Brady was sitting on the bench outside of the main office with his head buried in his legs. I sat down next to him and pulled him on my lap, hugging him tightly. He’s crying a little and I’m joining right in with him. I don’t care if we’re causing a scene; we both need to get it out.

“Aren’t you gonna yell at me for being bad?”

“No,” I answered simply as I leaned my head against his back.

“Well I didn’t want my present cause I’m not gonna see Justin anymore so I don’t need it.”

Chip, chip, my heart is being chipped away. “You worked hard on it though Monkey. We can send it to him.”

“I don’t wanna though.”

“OK, we don’t have to. I just don’t think we should throw it away.”

“Maybe I can give it to him. We could go swimming at his house or we could go fishing again. Justin said he’d take me fishing again Mommy.” He’s really pleading with me as if he tries hard enough I might actually let him. If only it were up to me, I’d let Brady go fishing or swimming with Justin whenever he wants.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen sweetie. But we have a pool at our place and I can take you fishing some time.”

“Justin’s pool is better and funner and you’re scared of the fishies.”

“I don’t have to be scared of them. I’ll be brave.” I promised as I stood up and grabbed onto his hand, “Let’s get going so we can stop at Blockbuster and get a movie. I think tonight we’re going to order pizza and eat some popcorn and I’ll even let you pick the movie. Sound good?”

Brady just shrugged as a response, there’s no way pizza and a movie are going to cheer him up. That used to solve all the problems in the world but I guess this is a bigger problem than we’ve ever had before. I’m not giving up that easy though; I’ll keep trying to find something to cheer him up until I do. There has to be something that’ll do the trick.

“Hey Brady, how was school?” Tiny asked as soon as we made it to the car. Brady didn’t answer him; instead he just sat with his arms crossed and his head down. “Not doing so well huh?” he asked me.

I shook my head, “He had a tough day. We’re going to stop and get a movie.”

I had to pick a movie at the store since Brady was hardly in the mood to choose. He’s hardly in the mood to do anything. Tiny left us alone that night so we could have some Mommy Brady time.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” I asked as I handed him a piece of pizza. He sat on the couch and placed the plate in his lap without answering. “Maybe we can go to the Bouncy Room.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“We could go to the zoo.”

“No, I don’t wanna.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t just sit here and watch Brady be so depressed. It’s a Saturday, he’s supposed to be happy and have fun. All he wants to do is sit on the couch and look at the television. He doesn’t even know what’s going on. I’ve never had him watch Sponge Bob and not laugh, but I guess there is a first time for everything. It’s breaking my heart that I can’t figure out some way to cheer him up. I learned my lesson and will not let him get close to another man again, but I need to figure out a way to fix the mistakes I’ve already made.

I called Kelly and asked her to watch Brady for a couple hours today so I can go find Justin. I don’t know what I’m going to say when I see him but I don’t really have time to figure it out. All I know is that he shouldn’t have left the way he did and he needs to talk to Brady. It’s not fair that he left this whole thing on me.

“Kelly wants to take you swimming Monkey. She hasn’t seen you in awhile,” I said as I rubbed some sunscreen on Brady’s back.

“I don’t wanna go swimming Mommy.”

“You love swimming. Babe, I know it’s hard but we need to move on. Kelly misses you bunches.”

Brady took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine but I’m not gonna have fun.”

“I really wish you would try to have a little fun. Just a little bitty tiny bit of fun. Can you try for me?”

“Fine,” he answered softly.

“Thank you,” I said as I messed up his hair and kissed his forehead.  If he would just focus on something other than being mad at the world I really think he could get over this.

“Where is this Brady kid?” I heard Kelly’s voice as we walked into the living room, “I’ve missed you so!” Brady waved at her but plopped on the couch instead of running into her arms like he would have normally done. “How are you doing Chloe?”

“Good,” I lied as I fell into her arms. Sometimes a hug really works wonders. “Thanks for this.”

“Of course, I’m ready for some Brady time. Are you ready buddy?”

He nodded his head and grabbed onto Kelly’s hand before saying goodbye to me and following her outside.

Tiny watched me carefully; I really don’t want to have to deal with him right now. “Can you please go with him?”

“Where will you be going?” he asked with his arms crossed over his chest. Sometimes I feel like he thinks he’s my mother. I am an adult; I sure as hell do not have to tell him what I’m doing with my time. I know he’s here to help and he’s just doing his job but it doesn’t seem fair that Justin can still have this control over me when he wants nothing to do with us.

“Nowhere. I just need some time alone. Please Tiny, it makes me nervous when Brady is out there all alone.”

He looked me over carefully, trying to figure out how honest I was being with him. “Alright, you better stay in this apartment Chloe, if I find out you left…”

“I know Dad, thank you.”

I waited a few minutes after he left before I snuck out. Tiny will be upset when he finds out I left but I need to talk to Justin and since he’s not answering his phone when I call this is the only solution I can think of. It’s not like I’m doing anything dangerous, no one is going to get hurt.

Luckily I still know the code so I could get in the gate at Justin’s house because he was not about to answer the door. I knocked for what seemed like hours without anyone coming to the door. “Justin!” I cried out, tears starting to fall down my face, “Justin! Talk to me! You can’t even talk to me?”

I continued banging and crying, feeling myself reach my all time low. I am not the kind of girl that bangs on a man’s door in hysterics. This is not me. When the door finally opened it took me a few seconds to wipe my cloudy eyes and see Trace standing in the doorway. “Chloe? What’s wrong sweetie? Are you alright?”

“No, I need Justin. I need to talk to him. Please just let me talk to him, just once and then I’ll leave. I promise.”

“He’s not here.”

“Don’t lie to me! He is here, his car’s here and he has to be here.”

“He’s not here Chloe, trust me I would tell you. He went home for a couple days to clear his mind.”

“To clear his mind? What about me? Don’t I get a chance to clear my mind? I don’t know what to do Trace, I don’t know what to do. He just left and didn’t even tell Brady. And Brady is absolutely miserable and he’s not himself. All he does is talk about how much he misses Justin and he doesn’t understand why he left. He thinks it’s because he jumped on him and woke him up the day he left. It’s not fair; I can’t just sit back and watch my son go through this! I don’t know what to do! He’s so depressed. Justin, I told him from the beginning that I didn’t want him to get close to Brady for this exact reason, but he did anyway. He didn’t listen to me because he said he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or to hurt Brady and I need to trust him. Do you know how hard it is for me to trust people Trace? Almost impossible but I found it somewhere inside me to trust him even though I shouldn’t have because look where it got me. I don’t know what to do Trace. I need someone to tell me what to do.”

“I’m sorry Chloe,” Trace said before pulling me into a tight hug. I’m crying in his arms like a complete loser but I can’t help it. I used to be strong but the fact that I’m here crying in Justin’s best friend’s arms make me realize that I’m clearly not anymore. “I don’t know what to say. I’ll call Justin; I’ll let him know you stopped by. I know he’s having a hard time dealing with everything as well.”

“Then what is he doing? What’s the point?”

“I don’t know.” Trace answered honestly. When even your best friend has no idea what’s going through your head that has to be a sign. Where did he get the idea from? It makes absolutely no sense to anybody.

“Brady’s like a different kid. You know what he’s like. He’s not smiling or laughing anymore. He’s acting up in school and he’s in his own world just sitting around doing nothing.  It’s killing me Trace, I don’t know what to do.”

“Justin doesn’t want to hurt you guys, that’s the last thing he wants to do. I guarantee you that he doesn’t know how much he is. I’m going to talk to him and we’ll get everything straightened out.”

“I just want him to talk to Brady. It’s not fair that he just snuck out while he was at school. He should have talked to him first. It’s not fair that he left it all on me.”

“I know, I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you,” I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry I’m taking it out on you.”

“It’s cool, I get it. I’ll talk to Justin. Stay strong sweetie, you’ve been through a lot, just keep your head up. It’ll get easier.”

I’m so sick of everybody always telling me things will get easier. When my mom died that’s what everyone said to me, it’ll get easier. It doesn’t get easier. It’s always there, there’s just more shit piled on top of it to make it feel like it’s not as important.

I took the long way home so I could make sure I got myself straightened out before I saw everyone. It’s one thing to show my weakness to Trace, someone I don’t know that well, but I absolutely cannot be weak like that in front of Brady. He needs to think that I’m strong; he needs to see that we can get through this. I made it back to the apartment with twenty minutes to spare before they came home.

“Did you have fun?” I asked Brady who ignored me completely and went right into his room. “How was he?”

“He wouldn’t go swimming. He didn’t even want any ice cream.”

“Thanks for trying.”

Kelly nodded her head, “I’ll do whatever I can. Call me if you need me.”

Tiny left for the night and I got Brady ready for bed. He didn’t want to stay up and watch a movie or play a game before bed. I even tried to offer him ice cream again but it wasn’t going to happen.  He’s never been one to turn down ice cream. Even when my mother died ice cream was able to cheer him up.

It was almost midnight when I called Kelly to come back over. I need to keep myself busy.  The thought of Justin sending us money when he doesn’t want to be part of our lives makes me sick. I need to make my own money. If he doesn’t want to be in my life then he won’t be. I’m not going to be his charity case.

I know this isn’t the smartest move for me, but it’s the only way I know how to make money. I’ll do it the right way this time. I’ll save up money and then we can move. It doesn’t have to be somewhere far away, but it’ll be a nicer apartment in a nicer area. That way when Brady gets kicked out of his school, which I’m sure is going to happen any day now, I won’t have to send him to the horrible neighborhood school around here.

“I don’t know about this,” Kelly said when she came in.

“No judgments Kel. I need to make some money.”

“How are you going to explain this to Brady when he gets older?”

“I think he’d rather have food on the table than worry about how it got there. Please Kel, these past few days have been hard enough I really don’t need a lecture.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here. Anything I can do to help. Just be careful, all right? Come right home.”

“I will,” I hugged her and kissed her cheek, “Thanks Kel.”

The days are starting to run together.  I take Brady to school and then come home and spend the day in bed. Then I wake up, pick him up, help him with his homework and play with him for a couple hours before dinner and putting him to bed. Then Kelly comes over the nights she can and I go to the club, get home around four, shower and clean up the house before waking up Brady and doing it all over again.

The mood around the house is quite drab. I’m trying really hard to smile and pretend I’m happy for Brady’s sake but it’s not really working. He’s been driving me absolutely crazy. In school he’s been in trouble every day, he hasn’t gotten a green smiley face all week. When he comes home he gives me more trouble than he ever has before. I really wish Justin would have at least said goodbye.

“Mommmmyyyyy!!!! The sink won’t stop dripping! It’s broken and it’s bothering me!”

I took a deep breath and walked away from the stove where I was cooking dinner and looked at the sink. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do to it; I sure as hell don’t have any idea how to fix a dripping faucet. “It’s fine Brady.”

“No suh, it’s not fine! Cause it’s bothering me and I can’t concentrate!” I didn’t know he had to focus so hard and concentrate on television. I’m just going to ignore it because I definitely don’t have the strength to yell at him anymore.  “If Justin was here he’d be able to fix it. But noooooooo Justin’s not here no more.”

“Well, good thing I’m here, kiddo. I can fix it too.” Tiny said as he walked into the kitchen. He does tend to swoop in and save the day whenever he can. I’m thankful he’s still here but I’m worried Brady’s going to get too close to him and then he’s going to leave too. It’s only a matter of time until he moves on.

“No you can’t! Justin would do it better, he does everything better.”

“Alright, enough Brady. Enough. I can’t take it anymore. You need to stop.  Justin is not here anymore. I know it’s hard for you and you miss him, but we need to move on.  We need to do the right thing and we need to stop being bad in school because Justin doesn’t like it when you act like that. And if he found out how you’ve been acting recently how do you think he’d feel? He’d be very sad.”

“I don’t care if he’d be sad! I want him to be sad cause he makes me sad!” he screamed and ran into his room. 

I didn’t think Brady would be over everything by now, but I also didn’t think he’d be taking it this bad. He’s too young to have to be going though all this. I could kill myself for putting him through it. I took a deep breath and went back to the stove to stir the spaghetti sauce before wiping the few tears falling down my face. I never thought we would ever get this attached to someone that we’d be this messed up when he left. After my mom died I swore that I’d never get close to anyone again because it hurts too much when they’re not with you anymore. Why didn’t I stick to that?

“You’re doing good Chloe, it’ll get easier.”

“Thanks for all your help,” I answered softly. I’m not exactly sure what else I should say. We would definitely be even more fucked up than we are now if he wasn’t here. It’s scary to think that’s possible.

After I finished dinner I went to Brady’s room and knocked on the door gently. “Hey Monkey,” I said softly before climbing into bed with him and pulling him on my lap. “Do you think maybe we should talk about why you’re so sad?” He shook his head as a response. “Are you sad because you miss Justin?”

“I don’t even miss him no more. I’m mad at him.”

“I don’t think you should be mad at him.”

“Yeah huh, cause he just left. I didn’t even do nothing. I jumped on him and I woke him up but that don’t mean he gotta leave. He didn’t even say he was mad or I woulda said I was sorry.”

Why does he keep blaming himself? It’s not fair that he feels like this is all his fault. “Brady, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just between Justin and Mommy. Sometimes Mommy’s make friends and then stuff happens and they stop coming around so much. I’m very sorry but that’s what happened. It’s not your fault, it has nothing to do with you.”

“Well, I’m still mad at him. Cause he told me we’d go fishing again, and not even at that place we went last time. He said he’d take me to his Mama’s house and we could go fishing on a real boat. And he said there’s froggies and turtles and a swing that you can jump into the water.”

“We can find a lake with frogs and turtles too sweetie.”

“And a swing?”

“We’ll look. I’m sure there’s a swing somewhere we can find.”

“And we never got to find the dinosaurs either. He said he’s take us.”

“We can still go on dinosaur hunts. Just because we don’t have the Jurassic Park car doesn’t mean anything. I bet we’ll even find more dinosaurs because they won’t recognize the car like they would recognize Justin’s.”

“I don’t like your car though. It makes noises and it’ll scare them away.”

I had to laugh at that, even if it was only for a second. “It’s not that loud Monkey. We’ll get it fixed. Are you ready for dinner?”

Brady nodded his head, “I’m hungry.”

“Good. I’m glad we had a nice talk. We need to talk about our feelings more, all right? I love you sweetie.”

“I love you too Mommy.”

Surprisingly Brady was in a good mood for the rest of the night. I don’t want to get my hopes up because I’m sure it’s only a temporary thing but I feel a huge sense of relief. I’m really worried about him. I know how important these young years are to his development and I’m really scared I’m going to screw him up to the point of no return.  After dinner we played a game of Mouse Trap, he’s still not ready to break out the Hungry Hungry Hippos. I’m sure he’s not going to be back to normal but I think we’re making some steps.

After I put him to bed I decided to take some time and try to relax. I grabbed myself a bowl of ice cream and plopped down in front of the television.  It was a few minutes later when there was a knock on the door. My heart stopped beating for a second since I’m not expecting anybody and Tiny had already left for the night. I checked the peephole before opening the door and let out a sigh of relief when I saw Kelly standing out there.

“Hey.” I gave her a confused look. I don’t think I asked her to come over tonight. I’ve been going to the club just about every night and I was thinking I’d take a night off. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do, that’s for damn sure. I’ve definitely learned my lesson with that. It’s much easier when you just think of it as a job that needs to get done and a way to make money. And I am making money, a lot of it in fact and if I keep it up I’ll be able to pay Justin back in no time.

“Hey,” Kelly smiled as a response and walked right past me before plopping on the couch.

“What’s up?”

“Am I early?” she asked before looking at her watch, “Aren’t you going?”

It’s weird for her to just show up without me having to ask her. She’s definitely not the person that thinks what I’m doing is a good idea; I never thought she’d willingly show up without me having to beg. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“It’s Thursday, I just assumed. I thought Thursday was a busy night, college night right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head. She’s right; Thursday is usually a busy night. Plus with the college crowd it’s a lot easier, they don’t pay as much but there’s more guys so I don’t have to do as much and I still get the same amount, if not more. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Of course not, I’m already here. Have fun, darling.”

“Thank you. Thanks for all your help, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Of course hunny, that’s what I’m here for. Saving lives one at a time.”

“Shut up,” I laughed and hugged her before grabbing my things, “Thanks Kel.”

That’s two times I’ve laughed today, the first time since at least last week. Maybe things will actually work out. I hate to jinx it, but I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s obviously still hard, but we might be able to get through it in one piece. The court cause with Gabe is next week. Once we get through that we might be all right. 

It was crowded at the club, the usual for a Thursday night. I know a lot of the girls hate College Night but I think it’s much easier. The guys don’t have as much money but that means they can’t afford so much. There are hardly any privates, for the most part all I do is dance on the stage or go around and talk to the guys with a couple lap dances thrown in. The best is just talking to them, sometimes you get money just to sit and flirt. It’s much easier.

You could imagine my surprise when I was told I had a private. I’ve had my share of privates since Justin but I knew there was something different about this one. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. When I walked in and saw Justin sitting in his chair I froze in my steps. He was sitting there like he always sat there but he had his arms crossed over his chest and he was glaring at me. Like he has any right to be mad at me.

“No,” I shook my head and immediately felt the tears. Why the fuck am I crying? I’m supposed to be strong, or at least act like I’m strong and I don’t need him.  “No, you don’t get to be here. What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here is the question Chloe,” he stood up and walked closer to me but I moved away.

“No, that’s not the question. The question is what the fuck are you doing here Justin? Trying to find your new girlfriend?”

“Don’t fucking, give me that shit Chloe. What the fuck are you doing here?” he paced around the room, running his hands through his hair nervously.

“What do you think I’m doing here? I’m working. And I’m definitely not working for you so you need to leave.”

Justin took a deep breath before responding calmly, “Why are you here Chloe? I’ll give you money, I’ll give you anything you need, I’ve told you that.”

“You can’t give me money. I’m not your charity case. You want nothing to do with us so you have nothing to do with us. Leave. We’re not your problem anymore.”

“When did I ever say I wanted nothing to do with you guys? I said I still wanted to take care of you guys I want to help you any way that I can.”

“Well that’s bullshit and you can’t have both. You made your choice so leave us alone, ok? Just leave me alone.”

Justin looked to the ground so he wouldn’t have to look at me crying. I don’t know why he’s here. He can’t control what I do and not want to be with me. It doesn’t work like that.  “How’s Brady?”

“No, you don’t ever get to ask me about him again. You know we don’t talk about him here.”

“Then let’s go. Let me take you home and we’ll talk about it.”

“No, fuck you. We don’t get to just leave because you don’t want me here. I’m here; you need to get over it. I’m making money, I’m doing my job and you can’t just swoop in and take me away like Prince Charming. You’re not Prince Charming.”

“Chloe come on, I want to talk to you.”

“Why? Because I’m here? Because Trace called you and told you what a fucking mess I am? Well I’m not anymore. I’m ok, we’re doing better and I don’t want you to come in and fuck it up again. “

“That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair? Don’t talk to me about what’s fair. It’s not fair that you just decided out of nowhere while Brady was at school that you wanted nothing to do with us. It’s not fair that you went home to your mother and left me alone to try and deal with my heart being broken and trying to explain to a five year old why the man he’s looked up to for the past year has just disappeared. I have to try and deal with my own heart being broken while you’re home getting babied by your mother and I’m trying so hard to hold it together enough for my son so he doesn’t see his Mommy cry. While you’re hiding on the other side of the country with your mother. It’s not fair that I can’t do that. It’s not fair that I’m stuck to deal with this all and I don’t have anyone that I can run away to make me feel better. You were the one that I could run to and you’re the one that’s fucking running away from me. It’s not fair that I told you from the beginning that I didn’t want you to get close to Brady because I knew; I fucking knew that this would happen. I knew he would get attached to you and I knew you’d leave. And you promised me that you wouldn’t do that, you wouldn’t hurt us. But you did, you fucking put yourself into our lives after I told you not to. You wedged yourself in Justin; you just pushed and pushed until we let you. You were mad that I had so many walls up but you know why. And guess what? Now there’s like a million more fucking walls up and it’s your fault. That’s what’s not fair. Don’t give me any bullshit about what’s not fair for you. It’s not fair that I have to wake up every day and watch my son be completely miserable because the one man he ever loved in his life has left him without even saying goodbye. It’s not fair that I have to go into school every afternoon and try to explain to the teacher that Brady will stop acting up even though I know he won’t because I know I have no control over what he does. You don’t see his face; you didn’t see his face when I had to tell him you weren’t coming back. You didn’t see his face when his teacher made him take the Father’s Day present he made you and he threw it in the trash.  All because you took the coward way out and just fucking left.  It’s one thing to leave me, and that’s fine Justin, it’s fine. But you shouldn’t have just left him without an explanation. He thinks you left because he jumped on you that morning and woke you up. That’s what he thinks. Is that fair Justin? Is it fucking fair?”

He didn’t answer me right away and I didn’t give him much time to, I ran out of the room.  I’m now bawling crying in my fucking lingerie looking like a complete wreck. People are watching me; I could feel so many eyes on me. I felt Justin’s hand grab my arm and pulled away, “Don’t touch me. You don’t get to ever touch me again.”

“I’m sorry.” He spoke softly but I pulled away from him and headed to the back, “Would you listen to me? I’m sorry!” he called back causing me to stop. Now I know everybody is watching us. People are whispering I’m sure because the recognize Justin but I’m not about to stand here and put on a show for everyone, “Let me take you home.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

         “Well let me take you somewhere. Let’s get something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

 “Come on Chloe, I’m fucking trying here. I’m sorry. I screwed up, I did it wrong. I want to talk to you about Brady and about everything and we can’t do it here. Please, just let me buy you coffee.”

         I looked around to see all the eyes and would give anything to get away from the audience. “I’m not letting you back in.”

         “I’m not asking you to. Just coffee. Please.”

         “Just coffee.”

 

         This is what is called awkward. Whoever came up with the word had this exact situation in mind. I’m sitting in a booth across from Justin looking at a menu as if it has the secret to life written on the pages. We’re at a Denny’s, yes a Denny’s, because it’s three o’clock in the morning and nothing else is even remotely close to being open. I doubt Justin has ever set foot in a Denny’s. I’m not saying he’s a snob, but he looks very uncomfortable sitting in this booth. 

         The waitress made her way over to us, chewing her gum and not looking up at us even once, “What can I getcha?”

         “We’re just going to have coffee.” Justin spoke for me.

         “I’ll have the All American Slam, with American cheese instead.”

         He looked at me while handing the menus to the waitress, “Let me get some French toast then. Thank you.” He licked his lips and tapped his fingers against the table. Awkward. “I thought you weren’t hungry. “ That doesn’t deserve an answer so I’m just going to give him a dirty look.  “I was kidding, I’m trying to find some humor in the situation.”

         “Well good luck trying to find some fucking humor Justin.” I don’t know why I’m even here, oh yeah because he was making a scene at the club and it was the only way to get him to stop. “Who told you I was there?”

         “Kelly.”

         “Ugh, I’ll kill her.” I fucking knew something shady was going on. Why else would she just pop up at my place and tell me to go to the club when she usually hates that I go there. I don’t know why everyone feels the need to get so involved in what I do with my life.

         “Why would you kill her? She’s a good friend, she’s just looking out for you.”

         “Yeah, a good friend.” I answered sarcastically. A good friend wouldn’t trick me like that. “She’s your good friend now too, huh?”

         He took a deep breath before answering, “Yeah, I guess she us. Because I had to call her a hundred times when you ran away to Vegas without telling anyone.”

         “Just like I had to call Trace a hundred times when you ran away?”

         That shut him up for a second, only a second though it could have been longer. “That’s different.”

         “Yeah, you’re right it’s very different. I didn’t leave a five year old without any explanation.”

         “Alright, let’s talk about it then.” Justin looked directly in my eye. He’s getting pissed now but I don’t even care, “I didn’t leave anyone without an explanation.”

         “Oh, you didn’t? I must have missed that conversation you had with Brady. Obviously he did too since he’s been asking me where you are since you ran away.”

         “I didn’t run away Chloe. I went home for a couple days, there’s a difference.”

         “What’s the difference? You left.”

         “And I came back, didn’t I? I’m here.” He’s raising his voice now; people are starting to look over.

         “Yeah, you’re here because you don’t want me at the club.”

         “That makes me a complete asshole. Huh? Because I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be dancing and taking off your clothes for a couple dollars.”

         “No, you’re an asshole because you want control over me but you don’t want to be with me. You want to tell me what I can and can’t do but you want nothing to do with me. You can’t have both.”

         “You know damn well that you do not want to be there,” he leaned forward so I could hear him loud and clear without having to raise his voice. “You know damn well. I don’t know why you’re there, to piss me off maybe and it’s working. It’s fucking working.  It’s one thing if it’s your fucking dream job, but it’s not. You’re better than that Chloe, and you fucking know it.”

         “I don’t go there to piss you off.”

         “Then why do you go there?”

         “To make money Justin! How many times do I have to tell you the same shit? To make MONEY! I don’t make all my life decisions based on how you would react.”

         “I’ll give you money. You know that, I’ll give you as much money as you need. I’ll buy you a fucking house on the hills.”

         “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I wasn’t with you for your money? Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want you to pay for everything and I don’t want to live off you?” Great. Now my eyes are getting all watery.

         “Come on, I never said that. I didn’t mean it like that.” He answered softly before placing his hand on mine.

         I pulled my hand out from under his and wiped my eyes before the tears were too noticeable. “Look, I really don’t need to talk to you. I’m just here for Brady.”

          The waitress threw the food in front of us and quickly walked away, leaving us alone once again. I kind of wish she could have stayed longer, in fact I’ll scoot over if she wants to sit down and join us. Maybe that will help the situation a little.

         Justin poured some syrup over his French toast before speaking, “I didn’t know it would hurt him so much. You know I love the kid like he’s my own, I wouldn’t do anything to purposely hurt him. I’ll talk to him if you want, if that will make it easier. I’ll do anything to make it easier.”

         “He doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m not letting you back in our lives that easily.”

         “I know. I don’t want you to. I’m just saying if you need me to talk to him I will. I know I messed it up and I should have talked to him before I left. But if you need me to try and talk to him I will.”

         “I don’t know what you’re saying.” I answered honestly. I get that he’s saying he’ll talk to Brady but it’s a little too late for that. But he’s not really saying he’s coming back, is he? It’s not that I’d necessarily let him back but he doesn’t even want to come back. I think he’s saying even if I let him back he wouldn’t want to come back.

         “I’m saying there’s no need for us to just be done completely. I mean if you need me I’m still here, I’ve told you that. I want to help you guys, just because we’re not together anymore doesn’t mean I don’t want anything to do with you.”

         Now I’m crying and there’s not really any stopping it.  What he’s saying is that he came here and chased me down to tell me he doesn’t want me stripping and to tell me that he’s here if I need him. He doesn’t want me back; he certainly isn’t saying he made a mistake in leaving. He’s saying he’s still here, if I need someone to watch Brady or if I need some help paying rent he’s here.

         I’m definitely not hungry now.

         “That’s really good to know.” I answered softly before standing up and making my way outside. I knew I should have taken my own fucking car.  Why didn’t he let me just meet him here? Sure, I probably would have gone home instead but still. Now I’m stuck here trying to even remember how to get back to the club.

         “Where are you going?” I felt Justin’s arm on my wrist.

         “Home. I’m trying to go to my car. Can you just point me in the right direction?”

         “Come on, get in the car.”

         I didn’t really have much of a choice. If I were to walk back to the club it would take me weeks, especially since I have no idea where we are. I followed him to his car without saying anything and we drove back to the club in silence.

He parked next to my car but grabbed onto my hand before I could get out.  “I still think some of your shit is coming back and you need to get it straightened out. I still think I’m messing you up more than I’m helping you. I’m so sorry I went about it the way that I did. I didn’t think Brady was that attached, I’m sorry he’s having a hard time.  But I’m sticking to what I said before. I don’t know what to do, but I’m still around. I’ll talk to him if you think that will help. I’ll take him fishing or whatever, I can watch him if you want. I don’t want to make things harder for you guys, that’s the last thing I want to do.  I’m sorry you don’t have your mom anymore. I know how hard that is for you but you’re strong Chloe and you need to realize how strong you are. There’s other people in your life that are there for you to lean on, you need to use them. Nobody’s expecting you to do everything yourself. Kelly’s there, she’ll do anything for you guys.  You don’t need to try and do everything yourself. I want to help you as much as I can but I can’t be your crutch. I’m telling you this because I care about you and I care about Brady, probably more than I should. I’m really sorry if he’s giving you a hard time. He’s a good kid, he’s strong, and he’s got his head on straight. He’s going to be ok. You raised him better than you think you did. But like I said, I’m here if you want me to talk to him. I’m not trying to say I that I don’t want anything to do with you guys because I couldn’t do that if I tried. I just want you to get your life figured out, and working at this damn strip club isn’t it.”

I left as soon as he let go of my hand.  He doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even get what he’s talking about when he says he’s messing me up more than he’s helping me. It doesn’t make sense. I feel like this weird sense of hope. Like he just shows up here and takes me away and then tells me he doesn’t want to come back. He’s not taking back any of the shit he said, in fact he’s feeling it even more. I need to get myself figured out is what he’s saying. He won’t tell me how, or even point me in the right direction. I don’t fucking understand what he’s saying.

I don’t know.

I don’t fucking have any idea what the hell is going on in my life. I don’t get it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with Brady and I want someone to give me some answers. That’s the most important thing. He’s my damn son and I don’t know what I’m doing. I should know by now, he’s five years old. What kind of a mother am I that doesn’t know how to handle her own son? What kind of a mother am I that makes my son go through all the shit I’ve made him go through. And Justin doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand what he did.  He doesn’t get how much he hurt Brady. He thinks taking him fishing will solve everything. Why would I let him take Brady fishing? So he can get Brady all excited that he’s back and then try to tell him the shit he’s trying to tell me? I can’t deal with the false sense of hope, and there’s one damn thing I know for sure. Neither can Brady. 

         I’m currently sitting in my car, still in the parking lot of the club. All I want to do is crawl into a ball and cry, or at least drop my head to the steering wheel. I can’t do that though, because Justin’s headlights are shining right into my car. He won’t leave until I leave. It’s like he wants to make sure I don’t go back in. It’s really annoying that the thinks he can control what I do with my life.

         When I pulled out of the parking lot Justin followed me, all the way to the highway where he went the opposite way home. I’m surprised he didn’t follow me all the way home. He needs to make up his mind. He can’t be an overprotective boyfriend if he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. Then he’s just an overprotective stranger and that’s called a stalker.

         What makes it all worse is that Kelly sold me out and told him. Sure, she was trying to help but she needs to learn to mind her own business. You’d think I’ve become a hit man to earn some extra cash. There is nothing wrong with what I’m doing.

         I walked into my apartment and Kelly sat up when she heard the door open. “Hey.”

         “I hate you.”

         She let out a quick chuckle, “You hate me?”

         “No, I’m serious. I hate you.”

         “You don’t hate me Chloe.”

         “No, I do. I hate Justin a lot more but I do hate you a little,” I said as I sat down on the couch next to her and placed my legs on her lap. Obviously I don’t hate her; I’m just annoyed with her. She was trying to help, I know that, but she went about it all wrong. “He wants to have control over my life and he wants to tell me what to do but he doesn’t want to be with me. He wants to be overprotective but he doesn’t want to be a crutch. Does that even make sense? It’s like he’s totally contradicting himself.”

         “What happened?”

         “Well he showed up and like made a big scene in front of everyone, like people stopped what they were doing and looked. Then he talked me into getting coffee and I did only because he was so annoying and would not stop unless I did. He’s like completely clueless about what’s going on. He said he had no idea Brady would be so depressed. Come on, he’s not an idiot. He said that he’s here for us and he’ll talk to Brady if I want but he doesn’t want to be with me.”

         “He doesn’t want to be with you?” she asked as if I were possibly exaggerating a little. Sure, he may not have said that in so many words but he doesn’t have to.

         “Yes. He said I need to get myself straightened out, whatever the hell that means. I think he needs to get himself straightened out. Whatever, I’m over it. You shouldn’t have called him.”

         “I worry about you,” she answered honestly.

         “There’s nothing to worry about. It’s not that bad. If it was horrible, I wouldn’t do it. I’d find another way.”

         “I thought it was horrible. It used to be horrible Chloe.”

         “Well it’s not. I don’t take shit from anybody. It’s not something I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but it’s good money for now. I’m going to save up and take care of Brady and then get a real job. I’m going to do it the right way and I’m going to move on and be done with him. He’s right, I don’t need him.”

         Kelly didn’t really answer; she just nodded her head and stood up. “You’ll figure it out.  You know I’m here anytime you need me. Just be careful. I’m going to head home.”

         “Thanks for your help Kel,” I stood up to give her a hug.

         “Sure, anytime. For the record, he does care about you. A lot. I know it’s hard for you to see right now, but as someone on the outside looking in trust me, he does. I’ve got the phone logs to prove it. Get some sleep.”

         I hate when people say something like that and then just leave me alone with my thoughts. I feel like that seems to happen a lot with me. It doesn’t matter, I’m exhausted and I don’t even want to think about it anymore. The sun is almost completely out so I better jump in the shower before Brady gets up. Maybe I’ll make him some eggs for breakfast.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

         The rest of the day was spent like a normal day seems to be spent for me. After I took Brady to school I went to bed and managed to sleep until the alarm went off telling me it was time to pick him up.  I wasn’t really surprised when his teacher told me he had another tough day, even after we had our talk. He’s still young, I’m sure he forgot all about it. I haven’t exactly been reminding him in the mornings like I should have been. I need to just keep talking about it I guess, although it’s hard for me to keep bringing it up.

         After school we came home and did his homework after a quick snack and then spent a few hours at the pool. It’s not as good as Justin’s pool, which Brady reminded me a couple hundred times, but it’s still a pool so it did it’s job. It’s weird how Brady refers to Justin now. He says that he doesn’t like him and he’s mad at him but he still mentions the things he did with Justin that he loved so much. I guess that’s just proof that he really does miss him and is just pretending he hates him. If Justin were to come back I’m sure he’d be able to forgive him quickly. Well maybe not. Who knows? There I go again thinking about Justin coming back. He’s made it pretty clear he’s not going to.

         I put Brady to bed and waited for Kelly to come by. I’m really lucky to have her, but I need to figure something else out. It’s not really fair that she has to spend all her nights in my apartment instead of her own.

         “You know Justin Timberlake?” one of the girls asked me as soon as I got to the club. “Are you dating him?”

         “No.” I don’t even know who this girl is. She must be new. All I know is she needs to mind her own business.

         “No to which?”

         “Both? He just used to come here a lot and I danced for him. That’s all.” I lied as I changed into my lingerie hoping she’d get the hint and walk away.

         “Well, yeah I heard that. But he came here looking for you and you left with him, everyone saw it.” I nodded my head. “You used to date him?”

         “Who are you?”

         “Amber. Sorry if I’m like pushing or something, I’m just curious. I never, ever, thought I’d see him here. I mean, I know we get some celebrities but mostly the loser guys, not Justin freaking Timberlake. He is so hot, like fucking gorgeous. Even hotter in person. I’m going to get him next time he comes. I’m going to get that private.”

         “He’s all yours. Excuse me,” I said as I squeezed past her and headed out to the club. I’m all about working now, I don’t need to sit back there and listen to this new girl who looks like she’s seventeen gushing about Justin. He’s definitely not as perfect as she thinks he is, far from it. I almost want to burst her bubble just because I’m so pissed off.

         “Everything alright from last night?” Chad, one of the bouncers asked me as soon as I made it to the floor.  What is with everyone and the damn questions?

         “Yes, everything’s fine.”

         “Alright. You just let us know if you need help, all right? That’s what we’re here for.”

         “Of course, I know. Thanks Chad.” Now let me go and make some money. I probably should have taken the night off and let this whole thing blow over but it’s hard to skip a Friday night.

         It was a few hours later that I was told I had a private. I swear to god if it’s Justin I will throw a drink in his face, glass and all. The second I walked into the room I wished it were Justin sitting there. I literally closed my eyes and prayed that it was all my imagination and when I’d open my eyes I’d see it’s all a nightmare. When I had my issues back in the day I was told to step back for a second and think about what you think you see. When you open your eyes you’ll be faced with the reality of the situation. Yeah well fuck that, when I opened my eyes I still saw Gabe sitting there with that cocky smile that makes me want to run away really quickly.

         “Hey Chloe.”

         “What the fuck are you…?”

         “How are you? Aren’t you supposed to dance?”

         “No. Fuck no. Why are you here?”

         “You always seem to ask me that,” he kept that damn smile on his face as he spoke, “Lap dance?”

         “No! Why are you here?”

         “It’s a strip club, you’re a stripper. Aren’t you supposed to strip?”

         I took a deep breath, “Answer me! What the fuck!” I know I should walk away, or run away, but I’m so sick of all this shit. I need answers. “What is your deal?”

         “I came for a lap dance.”

         I rolled my eyes, “No, like why are you showing up randomly? I’m not scared of you.”

         He laughed, “Yet you’re shaking. I’m sure that’s the case. So… how’s the kid?”

         “I don’t talk about him here, and I’m definitely not ever going to talk about him with you.”

         “Ok… except in court right? Then we’ll talk all about him,” and the damn smile is back.

         “What is your issue? What do you want? You wanted nothing to do with him and now all of a sudden…”

         “His mother’s a stripper, not exactly the best upbringing for a kid.”

         “Your mother was a fucking preschool teacher and look how you turned out.”

         “Yeah, look how I turned out. The youngest Vice President in company history.”

         “A career does not define you.”

         “Ah, but a lack of career does.”

         I wish I could punch him, I really do. I wish there was some way of killing him and throwing his body in the ocean without getting in any sort of trouble. “Gabe you’re a horrible person and your job title doesn’t change that.”

         “OK. We will see about that in court, won’t we? You could be right. Just like family upbringing doesn’t mean anything, right? Like the fact that my mother is a preschool teacher and my father’s a CEO while you’re father’s MIA and you’re mother’s a waitress. Well a dead fucking waitress.”

         “Fuck you!” now I’m seething and moving closer to her, “Don’t you dare talk any shit about my mother. She worked hard and she was the best mother anyone could ask for.”

         “Yup, she sure raised you right. Gave you those morals to stay away from a strip club. Taught you all about dating for money.”

         “What do you want?” I shouted, “What’s your purpose?”

         “That kid’s my son, right? I don’t want him growing up to be a fucking serial killer.” Like he should be talking.

         “So you want to try and take him from me is what you’re saying?”

         “Try?” he asked with a chuckle, “Sure Chloe, I want to try.”

         I’m pretty sure my heart stopped beating. “You wanted nothing to do with him,” I spoke in a whisper because that’s all I could get out.

         “Yeah but I got bored. So how about that lap dance?”

         “How about you go fuck yourself and stay away from me and my son and get the fuck out of my life. What do you even want? You don’t want Brady Gabe; you don’t give a shit about him. This is between us and it’s not fair that you involve him.”

         “Maybe, but I hit where it hurts,” he smiled again.

         “I’m not scared of you,” I said even though I’m petrified. I need to try and act like he doesn’t bother me; he’s doing all this just to get me worked up.

         “Maybe you should be,” he waited a second before letting out a chuckle, “And maybe you should work on the shaking, it gives you away.”

         “Fuck you.”

         “Sure, shoot your mouth, you were always good at that. Now about that lap dance.”

         I’m done with him so I’m not going to stand here and take his shit. I grabbed his drink from the table and threw it in his face before leaving the room and heading straight to the bouncers so they’d escort that asshole out of the club. How does he even know where I am? I hate that I have no idea where he gets all his information. He’s really not that smart of a human being, he’s just lucky to have grown up with the golden spoon that he can get away with shit that he would never get had he not.

         I didn’t last much longer in the club. There was absolutely no way that I could dance around and look sexy when that asshole just showed up. Two fucking nights in a row, first Justin and now Gabe. I swear I’m getting really sick of all the bullshit.  Chad walked me to my car and I blasted my music to try and drown my fears. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t, I was just too scared. I shouldn’t be scared of him but I am, and I hate that more than anything.

         As I drove I noticed a car following me. It was way too dark for me to be able to tell who it was but I could take a wild guess that it’s fucking Gabe. I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and called Justin. “Pick up the phone, pick up the phone,” I spoke to no one since Justin never answered the phone. He could be screening his calls or maybe he lost his phone. Now I’m crying, I’m scared to death but the tears are coming. I know Gabe is crazy, I know for some reason he’s out to make my life miserable. Who knows what his plans are? He could follow me home and kill me for all I know. He could be after Brady. Fuck. There’s no way I’m leading him home.

         Instead, I headed to Justin’s. I don’t know why but it was the only place I could think to go. After entering the code to his gave I flew inside the yard, banging on the door like there’s no tomorrow. A minute later the front light turned on and the door opened. “Chloe? What’s going on?”

         “He’s here… he was there…. and following me, and I don’t know what to do. He’s trying to get Brady, he wants Brady.” I know that was probably unrecognizable based on the fact that I’m crying like a baby and shaking but I can’t stop.

         “Slow down. Who?”

         “Gabe!”

         “Where is he?”

         “I don’t know, he was following me. I have to go back. What if he went to my place? And Brady…”

         “Alright, come on,” Justin said as he grabbed onto my hand and rushed me to the car, “Give me the keys, you’re not driving.” I gave him the keys and jogged to get in the passenger’s side of my car. “Where were you?”

         “The club.”

         “Ugh, the fucking club Chloe?”

         “Shut up! I don’t need to fucking fight with you now. Drive faster!”

         

 

         I’m still shaking, I’ve managed to stop crying but I’m definitely still shaking.  There have been plenty of times where Justin has been a crazy driver, swerving in and out of the lanes, but for some reason he’s not doing that right now. I really wish he would drive a little faster.  “You can’t go any faster?”

         He looked at me and took a deep breath before looking back at the road and speaking so quietly I would swear it was a whisper, “I’m driving as fast as I can Chloe, calm down, he’ll be fine.”

         I hate how he’s always so optimistic in these situations. It’s very possible Brady is not fine. I mean, Gabe did follow me out of the club where he told me how he’s going to try and take Brady away from me. I believe I have every right to be a little worried that he’s now at my apartment trying to take my son as we’re driving so fucking slow. I did call Kelly and told her not to open the door for anyone. It’s a good thing I trust her because if I had any doubt I’d be driving myself even more insane than I already am, if that’s at all possible.

         When we finally got to my parking lot Justin jumped out of the car before I could even take my seatbelt off.  “Come on, stay with me,” he called back to me and grabbed onto my hand so he wouldn’t leave me behind. I was still shaking, so I was having a little difficulty getting the stupid key into the hole. Justin grabbed it from my hand so he could speed it up a little, “You need to stop shaking Chloe, he’s fine.”

         He can say Brady’s fine all he wants but I won’t believe it until I get in that apartment. He opened the door and pulled me inside before quickly dead bolting the door shut and running into Brady’s room. I took a deep breath surprised that I could actually breathe again but I had to hold onto the counter to keep me standing. My life has become such a nightmare recently and I’m getting sick of it.  I need to do something to make it change.

         “Brady’s fine, he’s sleeping,” Justin announced as he ran his hands through his hair and came back into the room.

         I nodded my head, feeling the biggest sense of relief I’ve ever felt in my life. At least I have my strength back now and I don’t need to hang onto anything to stay up. I trust Justin, but I still went in to check on Brady. It just makes me feel better to see him. It’s not like I’m living in a horror movie. I don’t think Gabe would have snuck through the window to take Brady, but then again who knows what is going on in his messed up mind.

         “You can leave Kelly, go home,” Justin sat on the couch as I walked back into the living room.

         “Is everything ok? What’s going on?”

         “We’re ok now Kel, thanks for everything. Go home and go to bed.”  I said as I sat down next to her. It’s almost four o’clock in the morning and she’s been here since around ten. God, I really need to stop doing all this shit so she can get a normal night’s sleep for once.

         “Maybe she shouldn’t go home,” Justin gave me a look. He is right; we probably shouldn’t just send her out there by herself. I’m probably overreacting, this isn’t a horror movie, but I don’t really think we should chance it.

         “Maybe you should call the cops,” Kelly answered as she looked between the two of us.

         “Yeah, why don’t you stay here,” I ignored her suggestion and stood up, “You can sleep in my bed, you should sleep.” I grabbed onto her hand and led her to my bedroom, closing the door behind us and grabbing a pair of pajamas out of the drawer for her.

         “I feel like a little kid whose parents are fighting and won’t let her know what’s going on.”

         “Sorry, it’s just… I’ve been up for a long time,” I can hardly think straight, it’s not like I’m purposely trying to keep her out of the loop. “Gabe was at the club. He’s my… or Brady’s father, sperm donor whatever. I don’t like to call him a father because fathers like… do shit. Whatever, he was there. You know how we’re going to court because of all the other shit? Well he said that he’s going to take Brady. Like he’s trying to act like I’m an unfit parent and he’s so much more capable of being a good parent because of his bullshit job. Anyway, they kicked him out of the club but he waited for me and followed me out of the parking lot. I didn’t know what to do so I went to Justin’s and when we left he wasn’t following me anymore. I mean, in a perfect world he would have just gone home but he’s obviously a little crazy so who knows? I was scared so I went to get Justin because I didn’t know what else to do. But we’re ok now, cause Justin is here and nothing is going to happen with him here. I just don’t want you to like walk out there when it’s dark and everything. So just stay, ok?”

         “OK,” she said as she changed her shirt, “And you’re not calling the cops because…”’

         “It’s not really necessary right now,” I shrugged.

         Kelly nodded her head and crawled into bed. She’s learned not to ask too many questions with me because I don’t give in. “You don’t want to sleep? You should sleep Chloe; I slept for a little while you were gone. You’ve been up for almost 24 hours.”

         “I can’t sleep, there’s no way I can sleep.”

         “What about Justin?”

         “He’s fine, he’ll sleep on the couch if he wants to. Thanks for everything Kel. Go to sleep!”

         Justin was pacing around the apartment when I got back into the room. I sat down on the couch and watched him; “You’re making me nervous.”

         “Well…” he began but never finished his thought. I can tell he’s really tired, I mean obviously he is. I woke him up and kind of just threw more drama at him. I think I’m finally getting why he doesn’t want to be with me.

         “I’m sorry I woke you up. I didn’t know who else to go to. I probably should have gone to the cops or… I just… you were the first person I thought of. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

         He stopped pacing and watched me carefully before sitting down on the couch next to me. “I’m glad you came and got me Chloe, you know I’d be here in a heartbeat.”

         I nodded my head. I do know that, it’s not like I ever had a question about that. That’s why I went there in the first place. He’s made it pretty clear that he still wants to help us even though he doesn’t want to be with me.  “I know. Thank you.” He nodded his head and now there’s some awkward silence. I really hate having awkward silence with him. It breaks my heart really, because we used to stay up all night talking but now it’s like we have nothing to talk about anymore. “Why don’t you lay down? I’ll get you a pillow and some blankets. You have to be tired.”

         “I’m fine, I’m not going to be able to sleep. We have to set up a meeting with my lawyers. This is bullshit and it’s not ok. This bastard needs to get his own fucking life and get the fuck out of ours… yours. He needs to leave you guys alone.”

         I nodded my head and played with my fingernails, “I’ll meet with anyone. I’ll do anything you want me to do Justin. I’m sick of all the bullshit and I need it to stop.”

         “I know,” he whispered and placed his hand on my leg, “It’ll be alright, we’ll get it straightened out.”

         Suddenly there was banging on the door causing me to jump a foot in the air. Justin rushed to the door and looked out the peephole before turning to me and nodding his head. “I’ll call the police.”

         “No, no Chloe don’t. He’s fine. I’m just going to go talk to him, man to man, and let him know this shit isn’t going to fly.”

         “OK, no. That’s the stupidest idea you’ve ever heard.  You can’t just go out there and talk to him, in the dark, without like Tiny or the SWAT team or something.”

         He actually chuckled, “It’s fine Chloe, we’re just going to talk. I can handle it. He’s not going to stop knocking and he’s going to wake up Brady. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Lock the door, alright?”

         Stupid men and their stupid pride. Why does he think that Gabe is the kind of guy that will sit down and talk with him? Why don’t they go get their nails done together and chat? It’s not going to happen. I know damn well that it’s not going to happen and it’s bullshit that Justin thinks I’m going to fall for it.

         It’s not that I don’t trust Justin because I do, I trust Justin more than I’ve ever trusted a guy in my life, but I definitely do not trust Gabe. I only waited a few seconds after Justin left to call the police. I know he thinks he’ll be fine but I know Gabe better than he does. It would just be so much better if Tiny were here. Justin has all these security guards always around him except for the one time he actually needs them.

         I stood at the door looking through the peephole watching Justin and Gabe actually talk. Justin leaned against the railing with his arms crossed over his chest while Gabe paced back and forth. I knew there was no way that could last long and it was only a matter of seconds before Gabe tried to choke Justin while holding him over the railing. There wasn’t much thinking on my part; I was out there in a second.

         “What are you doing?” I screamed. I know I can’t do much to help Justin out at this moment but I did distract Gabe long enough for Justin to get control.

         “Hey Chloe, just getting to know your boyfriend a little better,” Gabe smiled.

         “Go back inside.”

         “No! Come back inside with me. Gabe, get the fuck out of my life, huh? How about that.”

         “She’s got that fucking mouth, huh? Never knows when to shut the fuck up. It always got her in trouble. She was always good with those lips.” Gabe’s still smiling. He’s not going to be smiling for long because I know Justin isn’t going to let him say that.

         “Are you fucking serious dude? Come on.” Justin began before turning to me, “Go inside Chloe, please just go back inside.”

         “Yeah, go inside Chloe,” Gabe joined in, “He’s not going to hit me while you’re out here and you know you want him to hit me. She gets turned on by that shit so why don’t you go ahead and light some candles, get started without him. He’ll be in after he beats the shit out of me. That’s the plan, right? You should let her watch though, bro. It gets her hot, she likes it rough, but you know that already.”

         And now it’s on.

         There are punches being thrown like we’re stuck in the middle of a scene of Fight Club. Justin has a look in his eyes that I’ve never seen before and it’s even scaring me a little. I’m ready to jump in there myself. I swear I just heard something pop. The cops came quickly and broke them up. I couldn’t tell you how long it was because everything was a blur, although it seemed like forever. They took Gabe away and then waited to get our statements.

         “We can go inside,” I suggested.

         “No, we’ll wake up Brady. We’re fine out here, right?” Justin is holding tightly onto his wrist. I know he’s trying to act tough and pretend he’s all right but I can tell he’s not. He has those eyes that tell everything and even though he has his glasses on I can still see them.

         “Yes, we’re ok. You should get that checked out son,” the officer said as he pointed to his wrist.

         “I’m fine.”

         I went inside to grab a bag of frozen peas for Justin to put over his wrist. He looks like there’s something else wrong with him. I mean, his lip is all bloody but there’s something else about him that looks out of whack. It looks like he’s not all there.

         “I want to take you to the hospital,” I said after the police left.

         “I’m fine, I just need to sleep.

         “No, you’re kind of fucked up Justin, like there’s something wrong.”

         He laughed before sitting on the couch, “I’m just tired.”

         “We’re going, at least for your hand. Don’t fight me on this. Kelly will watch Brady; we’ll be back in a couple hours. Come on, we’re going. Get upppp!” I whined and pulled at his arm that’s not broken or at least sprained or something.

         “Alright,” he whined back and grabbed onto my hand, “Let’s go wait for five hours in the ER!”

 

         Although I am very relieved that Gabe is now officially taken care of I still can’t stop shaking. I’m not exactly sure why. It has definitely been a stressful night and it’s not even morning yet.

         “Are you awake? Stay awake!” I called over to Justin who was leaning his head against the window as I drove him to the hospital. There’s definitely something not right with him. I can’t explain what it is but he just has this look in his eyes like he’s not all there. Then of course there’s his wrist that’s clearly broken and his busted lip that’s still bleeding down his face.

         “I’m awake, relax,” he answered softly.

         “I can’t really relax you’re all fucked up.”

         “And it’s all your fault.” It is all my fault, completely all my fault. I shouldn’t have gone to his house. I should have called the cops right away and went home. I knew they would fight if it came to that.  “I’m kidding, you worry too much. Calm down.” He said as he stretched his arms over his head.

         “That’s not really something to joke about.”

         “No joking. Got it.”

         This is Justin acting really weird. It’s kind of funny but it worries me. “Can you sit up? You’re going to get blood all over my car.”

         He laughed, “Your precious car. I’ll get you a new one.”

         “You’ll get me a new car because you bled on my seat?”

         “Yeah. If you get pulled over you’ll get booked for homicide. They’ll ask you where you put the body,” he laughed at his own joke and waited a few seconds before he spoke again, “LeBron is a beast.”

         “What?”

         “He’s a beast.”

         “Who?”

         “LeBron. James. He’s a beast. He’s what? 25. He’s a fucking beast. The way he plays and deals with pressure. He’s a triple-double threat, who does that? No one. Plus he’s a father, did you know that? I don’t know how the hell he has time to have two kids and still be the biggest beast on the court.” I don’t have any idea who LeBron James is or James LeBron for that matter. But Justin’s still talking about him so apparently he’s someone important.

         “What are you talking about?”

         “I love him. That’s all I’m saying.”

         “OK, that’s… ok.” He’s starting to really worry me now. “Are you just fucking with me or are you being serious?”

         “Who is fucking with you? Where are we going? It’s so dark out.”

         “We’re going to the hospital. Are you ok? I think there’s something wrong with you.”

         “That’s not nice,” he answered with a chuckle.

         “No, I’m being serious. Your eyes are kind of dilated, are you all right? Does your head hurt or anything?”

         “Yeah.”

         “Yeah? Yeah what? You’re alright or your head hurts?”

         “Where are we going? It’s really dark out.”

         Oh fuck. He probably has a concussion or something. Now I’m really going to freak out. That’s like braid damage, like there’s seriously something wrong with him, all because of me and my stupid decisions. “Justin…”

         “Chloe…” he responded in the same tone.

         “Do you remember what happened?”

         “When? I’m fine you’re overreacting.”

         “Tonight. What happened?” He can’t tell me. Why am I hitting every fucking red light? 

         “Tonight? I went to bed and you woke me up. Then we went to your house and checked on Brady and here we are. I think my glasses are busted, what the fuck happened?” he took them off and checked them, “Did I step on them? I probably stepped on them.”

         “No Justin, you didn’t step on them. What happened after we checked on Brady?”

         “What’s with the twenty questions? I don’t know. Where are we going? It’s so dark out.”

         “The hospital. I think you have a concussion. How’s your wrist?”

         “It hurts. What the fuck happened to it?” he asked as he looked down at his wrist. I really wish I knew more about what’s going on. We’re almost there, he’ll be ok.

         “Is your mother here?”

         He looked in the backseat, “No. Is she going to pop out of the trunk?” he laughed.

         “Is she in California Justin or is she home?”

         “Home, home on the range” he started singing.  Thank god we’re finally at the hospital. That was the second longest drive of my life. All these long drives are taking place tonight; I can’t wait for it to be over.

         I ran over to the other side of the car so I could help Justin get out, even though he insists he doesn’t need any help. When we got in the hospital they were completely ready to make us sit down for hours waiting even when Justin has something seriously wrong with him. I mean, I understand that we’re at the emergency room and everyone here has something wrong with them, but I doubt it’s as serious as a concussion, broken wrist, and busted lip. Gosh, I wish I could find a big eraser and just erase Gabe out of our lives forever.

         We only sat in the waiting room for a couple minutes before a doctor came to get us. Luckily she recognized Justin, another perk of being a celebrity. She asked him a lot of questions and he joked his way through them. I wish he’d be more serious but I think she’s seeing through his act.

         “Alright, we’re going to get a CAT scan and some x-rays for that wrist then we’ll get that lip sewn up. This is Mike, he’s going to take you to get that CAT scan if you want to go ahead and get on the wheelchair. We’ll see you in a couple minutes Justin.” He got in the wheelchair and was wheeled away before the doctor walked closer to me. “He does seem to have a concussion. You were right to bring him in. It’s probably nothing too serious but we’re going to go ahead and get the CAT scan to help us see that for sure. Concussions are very common so it’s really nothing to worry about. We’re probably going to want to keep him over for at least 24 hours to keep an eye on him but there’s nothing to worry about.”

         “Should I be doing anything?”

         “No, there’s really nothing. After the CAT scan we’re going to get him right in there to get the x-rays on his wrist and get that fixed up,” she smiled, “it’s just going to take some time. We’ll get him a nice room.”

         Oh great, because that will make everything better. A nice room.

         I followed the doctor to the room where they were doing the CAT scan and waited outside. I know she says it’s not a big deal but it’s a concussion. I’m pretty sure those are a big deal. He doesn’t even remember what happened or how he broke his wrist. He thinks he stepped on his fucking glasses and that’s how they broke instead of Gabe punching him in the face and knocking the glasses off his head. He asked me where we were going like five times even though I answered him every single time.

         What if he never remembers? What if he forgets more things? He could forget his name or how to tie his shoes. God, I hope I’m overreacting.  A nurse came in and brought me to a room so I could wait for Justin. I guess this is the room he’ll be staying in? It’s a big room, there’s a bigger bed then the normal tiny hospital one. There’s even another room connected that has a normal bed. It’s more like a hotel than a hospital. He really does get the star treatment everywhere he goes.

         I need to call somebody like probably his mother. I don’t know her number and he definitely didn’t bring his phone so I decided to call Tiny instead. I figured he’d know what to do.  I paced around the room, waiting not so patiently for someone to come in and tell me what is going on. I hate being out of the loop. The sun is coming up so that’s a good thing. That means the night of hell is over and hopefully the day will go better.

         I was sitting on the couch looking out the window when Justin was rolled in. “Hey,” I jumped up to try and help him into the bed.

         “Hey,” he smiled, “I’m fine.”

         “What did they say?”

         “Nothing. They’re waiting to check the results. Concussion, broken wrist, ya’know.”

         “I’m sorry,” I said as I sat on the side of his bed, “How’s your head?”

         “It hurts, they gave me some stuff. I’m fine; it’s not that big of a deal. You should go home and get Brady up for school then go to bed.”

         “No, I’m not leaving you. I’m not even tired and Brady will be alright with Kelly.”

         “No.” he answered as he shook his head, “You remember that night when you fell asleep at my house and how upset Brady was when you weren’t there when he woke up. And how upset you were when he was mad at you. You said you’d never let it happen again. Don’t let it happen again. You need to go home Chloe, I’ll be fine.”

         I do remember that day, all too well. It can’t happen again, but I don’t want to leave Justin here alone either. “But you shouldn’t be here alone.”

         “I’m not. They’re going to come get me in a minute for the cast anyway. I won’t even be here; you’ll be sitting in here alone. You gotta go home to your son Chloe; he needs you there when he wakes up. Plus he already hates me now, we don’t need to add to that.”

         I laughed, “He does kind of hate you now.”

         “We’ll work on that. I’ll win him back. Go Chloe, I’ll call you later.”

         “No, I’m coming back right after. I’ll drop him off at school and then I’ll come back.”

         He took a deep breath, “Or, here’s an idea, you could go home and go to sleep.”

         “I’m not tired,” I laughed at his suggestion, “I’ll come back. I want to come back. I’m sorry about everything. This whole thing is like a nightmare but it’s over. I promise it’s over. I’m never going to go…”

         Justin broke in before I could finish, “We’ll talk later. Get home before he wakes up.”

         I had to smile, “Thanks Justin.” I really love how much he cares about Brady. I know I say that a lot but it still gets to me. It’s like whatever is going on he always thinks of Brady first. I don’t think I’ll ever find another guy like him. I don’t want to find another guy like him. I want him. I know he’s said that I need to get my shit straightened out and I totally agree… but I still want him. I don’t know if that’s me being selfish or what but that’s just how it is. I’ll do whatever he wants me to do. I’ll go to therapy; I’ll get my life together. I won’t do anymore stupid shit but I need him. I can’t do it alone and that scares me.

         I’m scared that he’s just going to walk away. I’m so scared he really meant that he’s done with me. He did come though. When I went to his house he ran to the car and checked on Brady even before I did. I know he cares, even if he doesn’t want me to know that. Although there's the simple fact that he is a good person. I don’t think any good person would slam the door in my face and tell me to get the hell away in a situation such as the one last night. I am a little scared that he just came because he cares about us, not enough that he wants to be with me, but he cares about us enough not to just sit back while Brady gets kidnapped.

         This is far too stressful. I’d like to talk now, not later. But the sun is out and Brady will be up in a half an hour so I guess I need to settle. A talk later is better than a talk never. At least I’ll have some time to get my thoughts straightened out.

         “OK, I’ll be back then.”

         “You’re just going to leave like that?”

         “Huh?” he just told me to leave and now he doesn’t want me to leave? Is that the concussion speaking or what’s going on?

         Justin laughed, so I guess that means he’s not being serious, “I’m not supposed to get up and you’re just leaving… like that.”

         “I’m confused. What do you want?”

         “You to come closer… closer… keep coming.” he continued as I walked over to the bed, “I’ve been through a lot of shit tonight Chloe.”

         “I know you have, thank you. I’m really sorry.”

         “I’m not looking for an apology,” he laughed, “I’m looking for a kiss or something, jeez it’s been a tough night.”

         I giggled; here we go back to that again. “What kind of drugs do they have you on?”

         “Nothing, just aspirin. You gotta leave, let’s go.”

         I giggled again like a moron. I need to stop with the giggles; I’m not a fourteen year old. “Alright, a kiss.”

         “A kiss,” he answered with that cocky slash sexy smile he has as I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. I forgot how soft his lips are and how good he tastes. Oh god, I really missed them. “Alright,” he said softly as we pulled apart, “Go ahead. Drive carefully. I’ll see you soon.”

         “OK, call me if you need anything. Or if anything comes up, all right? Justin, alright?”

         “Yeah, alright. I will. Just try and stay awake. Be careful driving. I still think you should stay home and go to sleep instead of coming back here.”

         “Well I think that you have a concussion so you can’t think straight. So I’ll be back,” I smiled as I walked to the door, “Bye Justin.”

         “Bye Chloe,” he replied back in a singsong, smiling back. 

 

         It’s amazing how a couple hours can change everything. A few hours ago I was standing right here in front of my apartment scared out of my mind that Gabe was going to do something to seriously hurt Justin. I guess that fear came true, to some extent at least. I sure hope Justin isn’t seriously injured. The last time I tried to open this door, just a little while before that, I couldn’t even get the key in because I was scared I would go inside and find something happened to Brady. But now here I am, a few hours later, and I have this weird sense of ease. I know that Justin is hurt. That does worry me. But I also know that Gabe is in custody of the police and there’s not a slight chance he’s getting out anytime soon. That’s a good feeling.

         I woke Kelly up and thanked her for watching Brady once again. I owe her… big time. I’m done at the club so it will not happen again but I still need to figure out some way to repay her. After explaining everything to her she left, only after making me promise I’d call her if I needed her again. Friends like her are not easy to find. It surprises me she hasn’t cut me off yet.

         I stood in Brady’s doorway for a few minutes before waking him up. I need to really take it all in. I’m so lucky to have such an amazing son. Sure, he’s been giving me a hard time recently but that’s my fault. I’ve put him in some shitty situations and I need to make sure I don’t do that again. He’s safe and sound, that’s all that matters.

         “Mommy!” Brady shouted as if he was surprised to see me. There has only been one day of his life that I wasn’t there when he woke up, I don’t know why he’s acting so surprised.

         “Brady!” I answered back the same way. “Good Morning Monkey, did you sleep ok?”

         “Yeah, uh huh,” he nodded his head and stood on the bed as I walked over to him, “I slept soo good.”

         “I’m so glad,” I smiled as I picked him up and twirled him around. This is definitely one of the last times I’m going to be able to do this. He’s getting way too big. It’s weird how so much has happened during the night and he’s oblivious to it all. Thank goodness.

         After getting Brady washed up and fed I brought him to school. He promised me he’d have a good day and for some reason I believed him when he said it. He’s told me he would have a good day for the past few weeks but hasn’t really followed through. I feel like today is different, it was almost like he promised me differently than he usually does.

         I stopped at McDonalds on the way back to the hospital so I could sneak Justin in a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. I know hospital food sucks and he should have something edible.  I had to walk through a crowd of people to get into the hospital. It’s kind of interesting how fast news gets out when it comes to Justin. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. 

         “He’s getting his cast,” Trace said as I walked into the room and noticed Justin was nowhere to be found.

         “How’s he doing?”

         “He’s fine. He’s just a little out of it but they said that’s normal. How are you doing?”

         “I’m glad you came. I didn’t want to leave him.”

         “Yeah, of course. He’ll be ok; it’s just a concussion. How are you holding up?”

         “Me? I’m fine. I don’t have a concussion so…”

         Trace laughed, “People get concussions all the time Chloe, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Except it is kind of a big deal.  I mean, I get it’s not like he’s in a coma or something but he’s acting weird. That can’t be normal. “Is he still acting crazy?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” he answered with a chuckle. “The doctors said it’ll just take time. There’s not much they can do but he’ll get better on his own. He’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

I nodded my head and sat down by the bed, “There’s a bunch of people outside.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll call his managers and get it all straightened out.”

“What about his mother?”

“I called her, it’s all set. Everything is fine. Call me if you need anything.”

         When Trace left I looked out the window at all the people outside. The crowd seems to be growing. I really hope Justin doesn’t get in trouble for all this. It sure isn’t going to work wonders on his whole image. I’m sure they can spin it around whatever way they want. It’ll probably be in the papers tomorrow that Justin just attacked this random innocent guy.

         “Hey Chloooeeee,” I looked to the door when I heard Justin’s voice. A young nurse that looked like she was trying her hardest to stay professional when inside she wanted to scream because she was pushing around Justin Timberlake was rolling him in. I guess I understand why so many people are so awed by him, but it’s still weird. If they really knew him, like knew the real him, they’d be so unbelievably in love with him they’d probably burst.

         “Hey Justin,” I walked over to the bed as he climbed in, his arm now covered in a light blue cast. “How are you feeling?”

         “Amazing!”

         Yes, he’s definitely still acting crazy.

         “He’s on some anesthesia but everything went great. He should just try to sleep it off. He’s tired, which adds to everything so that’s the best we can suggest,” the nurse informed me.

         “I thought you’re not supposed to sleep if you have a concussion.”

         “That’s just a myth. It’s actually better to sleep it off. Sleep deprivation doesn’t help anything. I’ll be back later to check on you.”

         I sat down on the chair by the bed when she left and Justin just laid in bed smiling at me. “Are you hungry? I brought you a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich from McDonalds.”

         “Oh Chloe,” he said, dragging out his words as if he were drunk, “You’re so good to me. How’d I get so lucky?”

         I laughed as I pulled the food out of the bag. He is so out of it. “That’s a very good question Justin,” I answered sarcastically.

         “It is a good question! I know! Thank you for this wonderful sandwich. I’m going to eat it all.”

         “Your welcome, I’m glad you like it.”

         “I do. Is Brady ok?”

         “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s at school.”

         “Good. Cool. It’s hard to eat without my right hand. I still got my fingers out at least. That’s good. Last time I broke my thumb and the cast came all the way up and covered my thumb all the way. I still had my other four fingers out but you have no idea how hard it is to do just about everything without a thumb. Thank god they let me keep my thumb this time. They tried to take it away but I wouldn’t let them.”

         “How did you break your thumb last time?”

         “Dancing, practicing and stuff, basketball… I forget. I’ll have to get back to you on that cause I forget right now.”

         “It’s ok, thank you,” I answered with a smile. He’s kind of adorable when he’s so confused like this.

         “Your welcome,” he said as he crumbled the wrapper up and threw it towards the trashcan, missing completely. “Close. I’m not right handed. No, I am right handed, I’m not left handed. That was my left hand.”

         “Yeah, I know. It’s ok. Do you want to take a nap?”

         “Yeah. Do you?”

         “Um… I think I’m alright.”

         “There’s another room you know. You can sleep in there. NO! You can sleep in this bed. With me. There’s room.”

         “No, no, no. Be careful. Don’t move, I’m fine. I can take a nap on this chair if I want to.”

         “Nooooo. That’s silly. I want you to sleep with me on here. There’s room Chloe! It’s bigger than your bed. Not as big as my bed, but I have a big bed right?”

         “Yes, you do have a very big bed,” I answered with a chuckle. I feel like I’m talking to Brady. The meds are really messing him up.

         “It’s a big comfortable bed though. This one is kind of comfortable too. Come on, climb in. I moved over. Look, I can turn off the lights from here. All I have to do is press the button and BOOM the lights are off!”

         “That’s so cool. I’d like to have one of those in my room.”

         Justin laughed like a five year old, “Yeah, me too! Come on.”

         “OK, I’m coming,” I said softly as I carefully climbed into bed with him. I’m really afraid I’m going to hurt him but I know that’s not really possible. It’s not like he has all tubes and stuff going in and out of him.

         Justin wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. I forgot how good it feels to be in his arms. I hope I’m not being stupid. I hope when his meds wear off he doesn’t tell me that he wants nothing to do with me. I know that has happened before but for some strange reason I feel like maybe it’s different now. I guess that’s just me hoping.

         “Oh! We were supposed to talk. Let’s talk, right?”

         “Um… not right now. I don’t really want to have a deep conversation with you when you’re all concussion head and drugged up.”

         “Concussion head,” he laughed, “I’m not concussion head.”

         “You are concussion head. You have no idea how concussion head you are.”

         He’s still laughing. It’s like that crazy laugh where his whole body is shaking. “Concussion head…”

         That laugh is so contagious, “go to sleep Justin.”

         “Go to sleep Chloe… concussion head.”

 

~~~~~~

 

There was a minute before I opened my eyes that I forgot where I was or what had happened. For a moment I felt Justin’s lips on the back of my neck and his arms wrapped around me tightly and forget all the events that had happened in the past month or so, forget about the last twenty four hours. I felt like I was lying in my bed, living the life. Justin was there with me, Brady in the other room. I wish I didn’t take all those days where that actually happened for granted.  As soon as I opened my eyes I quickly remembered that I was not home. I saw Justin’s arm over me covered in a cast and wished that we were not in the current situation we’re in.

“Good morning concussion head,” Justin spoke softly.

“No, you’re concussion head. I’m not.” I answered with a laugh as I turned around so I was facing him, “How are you feeling?”

“My head is pounding, but besides that I’m good.”

“What about your wrist?”

“It’s fine,” he said as he brought it closer to his face and examined it carefully, “that’s a pretty cool cast, huh?”

“I guess. I like the color, it matches your eyes.”

         Justin smiled, “It does match my eyes. So you have another hour or so before you have to pick up Brady. Shall we have our talk?”

         My heart started to beat in my throat. He does seem better, a lot better actually. He doesn’t have that weird look in his eyes anymore. “Are you sure you’re ok? I don’t want to talk to drugged out, concussion head…”

         “I’m fine,” he broke in with a chuckle, “Do you want me to walk in a straight line or something? I could say the alphabet backwards if that’ll make you feel better.”

         “No, I trust you. I want to go first though, ok?”

         “Yeah, ok,” he nodded his head.

         Now it’s serious. I’m way too scared to put my heart out there. I don’t do that. I don’t put myself in these situations. “I just um… I’m sorry that I got you involved in everything and that I woke you up. I really am… sorry that all this happened and I got you involved. I shouldn’t have gone back to the club and I know you’ve told me that a million times but I’ve never listened. I’m listening now though. I’m not going back every again and I’m going to get my act together. You’re right, you’re so right about everything. I need to get a real job and I need to think of other ways to take care of Brady because that isn’t working. Putting him in danger like that is just… stupid. I just… I’m not good at this stuff; I’m bad at it. I’m not used to putting myself out there and like really saying how I feel. But I do… I love you and I want to be with you. I’ll go to therapy and I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I just… really love you and I’ve never had this feeling before so I don’t really know how to keep it. I don’t know, I just want to be with you. But I need to think about Brady. And when I think about him I think about what he deserves. He deserves to have a mother that is stable and doesn’t have a life full of drama. He deserves to be loved, not only by me but by everyone in his life. You,” I paused when I felt my eyes begin to water, “you’ve always… since the first time you met him you’ve been amazing with him. You always ask me about him first and you really do care about him. I never really thought I’d find someone that cared as much about both of us as you do… or did. I don’t know. If you don’t want to be with me than I’ll have to live with that but you need to tell me now. I can deal with it but I can’t let Brady go through all of that again. If you want to be with me you need to be with me for the long haul. I won’t make him deal with that again. He loves you too much and too young to have his heart broken. It doesn’t matter about me, it’s about him. But I love you, a lot and I really wish you would stay with me… with us.”

        

         “I couldn’t leave,” he answered honestly before grabbing onto my hand, “It’s not just that I care about you guys it’s… so much more than that. I realized it with Gabe; I realized how much I love you and how much I need you. The way he talked to you, the thought of Brady being in any kind of danger just kills me on the inside. I can’t take that. I mean, I can’t even think of you guys being in the slightest bit of danger. I can’t let that happen. I didn’t do my job in taking care you of you. It was so stupid of me to leave it up to Tiny. It’s my responsibility. I need to look out for you guys because I love you and the thought of losing you scares the shit out of me. That’s the truth. “

         “Are you serious?”

         “Very serious,” Justin answered with a chuckle, “We’ll have to work on it and work on Brady but we can do it. We can make it work.”

         “Thank you,” I’m crying like a little baby. It’s really hard for me to open up like that but I’m so glad I did. I’m so glad we were able to talk it out and we can make it work. I really think we’ll be able to make it work.

         Now I just have to convince Brady to forgive Justin. 

 

         I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Brady is five years old. Kids his age forgive and forget. Whenever he’s mad at me it only lasts a few minutes before he forgets what it was that caused him to feel that way in the first place. This is different though. When Justin disappeared out of Brady’s life Brady was lost, he still is. There still is a little part of him that just won’t go back to normal. I have hope that having Justin back will bring that part back. That’s why I have some faith that Brady will be able to forgive and forget Justin.

         As soon as I got to Brady’s classroom he came running to the door to greet me, “I GOT GREEEEEEN!!!!!” he shouted before jumping into my arms.

         “What?” I shouted back just about as loud. Brady hasn’t gotten a green smiley face since Justin left. See, I do have some faith that it will work. “Are you serious?”

         “Yeah Mommy, I was so good. Cause you know why? Cause you said I gotta be good. I did all my work and I even helped clean up, even though it wasn’t my job. So look Mommy! I got a cool sticker; look it’s a dinosaur. I love dinosaurs!”

         “I know you do love those dinosaurs. I’m so proud of you Monkey. Do you have a lot of homework?”

         “No, just one paper on addin’ cause I’m almost in first grade and first grade kids gotta learn how to add. Mrs. Little said that we’re all done with kindergarten work cause we’re so smart and it’s almost summer so that means when we come back from summer I’m gonna be in a new class and that class is called first grade. It’s almost like kindergarten but we’re not babies anymore so we don’t get playtime or naptime. But it’s more fun cause we get to have lunch with the big kids and we get to play with the instruments in music class. But ya know what Mommy? It’s not too scary cause it’s only right next-door and if I get scared I can just come in and see Mrs. Little and she’ll make me feel better. That’s what she said cause I was scared I’d be scared and she said I won’t.”

         “Wow Monkey, I can’t believe you’re almost in first grade. You’re growing up so fast.”

         “Yeah, uh huh cause I’m a big boy, for real now!” I can’t even explain how excited I am that Brady is finally getting back to normal. The depressed Brady really worried me. I just hope he can keep this up, even with Justin back in our lives.

         “We’re going to go home and get a bag together for the night. We’ll do your homework later on.”

         “Where we going Mommy?”

         I took a deep breath, afraid of his reaction when I tell him. “Well, we’re going to stay over at the hospital.”

         “What? How come? Cause we’re moving there?”

         “No silly. We’re going to go visit Justin, he’s in the hospital so we’re going to stay with him until he gets better.”

         “But I don’t wanna go see Justin. I don’t like him no more, memba?”

         “I do remember but do you remember when I told you that I don’t think you should be bad at him? I was mad at him for a little bit too but then realized that I wasn’t really mad I was just sad because I missed him so much. I think we need to talk to him and let him tell us why he went away for a little while. We need to give him another chance because we forgive people we love, and we do love him, don’t we?”

         Brady crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t love him. I don’t even like him that much.”

         “I don’t think that’s true Brady. I think you’re just like me and you love him a lot but you were just sad. But we’ll talk to Justin and if you don’t think you can forgive him then you don’t have to. We just have to promise to try to forgive him and be nice and listen to what he wants to say to you.”

         “OK, fine but I’m not gonna love him no more.”

         “That’s fine darling, if you don’t want to you don’t have to. Just be nice and give him a chance.” Strangely enough, Brady’s comments make me feel better. I know how much he misses Justin and how much he wants to be with him again. Justin’s right, I’m sure as soon as they’re back together Brady will forget why he was even mad at Justin in the first place.

         When we got back to our apartment I moved fast getting an overnight bag together for Brady and I. I’m a little nervous leaving Justin alone, I just don’t want him to be alone that long. I held on to Brady’s hand tightly as we made our way through the crowd still outside of the hospital. I wish they would all go away but luckily they were too busy focusing on a room on the fifth floor to even notice us walking by. For the record, Justin’s room is not on the fifth floor.

         Brady’s holding onto my hand tighter than he’s ever held onto it before. I can tell he’s nervous but I think he’s kind of excited too.  Hopefully he’ll forget he’s mad at Justin as soon as he sees him.

         Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. When I walked into Justin’s room Brady stopped at the door with his hands crossed over his chest. “Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked as I continued walking in. I’m not going to make Brady do anything he doesn’t want to do. When he’s ready he’ll come in.

         “Hey Concussion Head. I’m fine, where’s Tek?” Justin asked and I nodded my head towards the door, “Oh, hey man. Are you going to come in?”

         “No suh,” Brady spoke between his teeth, “I don’t like you no more, I’m mad at you you know.”

         “Oh, you’re mad at me huh? I guess I deserve that. Do you think maybe you could come on in here and we can talk about it?”

         Brady looked over at me and I nodded my head so he slowly walked into the room. He stood right next to me, as if he were attached, and kept his arms crossed over his chest. “You got glasses. You look silly.”

         Justin chuckled, “You think I look silly? I kind of like them.”

         “No, you look silly.”

         “Brady, that’s not nice.” I tried to hide my smile.

         “He does though Mommy,” Brady said as he wrapped his arm around my leg and looked up at me. Nice Brady, real nice.

         “How have you been, Brady? I missed you. How’s everything?” Justin’s trying and Brady’s letting loose of me so that could mean something.

         Brady pulled his arms away from my legs and crossed them over his chest again before speaking quietly, “I got a green smiley today.”

         “No way!” Justin shouted. It’s so obvious he’s really excited that Brady got a green smiley face today. He always manages to prove how much he cares about Brady, even with just the little things. “That’s awesome Tek, I’m so proud of you. I’m so glad you had such a good day.”

         “Yeah, cause I’m good now.”

         “You were always good Tek.”

         Brady kept his arms over his chest before speaking softly looking down at the ground, “You call me Tek cause I’m a lie detector.”

         “Yeah man, that’s right, you remember.”

         I watched from the side as Brady slowly looked away from the ground and moved closer to Justin, “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to Justin’s wrist.

         “It’s a cast. I broke my wrist, it’s kind of weird huh?”

         “Oh yeah, uh huh. How are you gonna write? Mrs. Little says we gotta write everyday or we’ll forget how to write.”

         We both laughed while Brady gently touched Justin’s cast. This is going much better than I expected, although I can’t get ahead of myself. I feel like this is really going to work out.

         “I know, she’s right,” Justin began, “I won’t be able to write for awhile and I bet when I get it off I’ll need someone to help me learn how to write again. Maybe you could be the one to help me. What do you think? I hear you’re doing real good in school so maybe you’d be a good teacher for me.”

         Brady shrugged his shoulders and climbed on a chair on the opposite side of the room. He was quiet for a few minutes before speaking up again. “You left. How come you left? I didn’t even do nothing. I didn’t mean to wake you up but you just left. How come? I said I was sorry.”

         “Brady…” I broke in. I know that he wants to know, and he does deserve to know but I don’t think he’s really going about it the right way.

         “No, it’s ok Chloe. Brady, it had nothing to do with you. I’m sorry I left without letting you know. I should have talked to you. I just needed some time to think. Your mom and I needed some time away from each other. While I was away though I realized how much I missed you and your mother so now I know that I don’t want to miss you guys any more. I don’t want to leave you guys, I want to stay here with you guys all the time.”

         Brady looked up at me as if he didn’t listen to anything Justin had just said, “Mommy, I’m hungry.”

         I let a chuckle escape, “Brady, Justin is trying to talk to you.”

         “No, it’s ok,” Justin answered with a laugh, “Do you want to go get him something to eat? He can stay here with me and we’ll talk while you’re gone.”

         I wasn’t sure if I should leave Brady at the hospital with Justin. I was afraid Brady would act up and Justin wouldn’t be able to go after him if he got mad and ran down the hall. But Justin assured me he’d be ok and I know that they need to talk alone. Brady will listen better if I’m not there and they can have some male bonding time.

         I headed to the cafeteria first but quickly realized that probably wasn’t the best option so I snuck out the back and headed to Lucky Devil’s in Hollywood not too far from the hospital. Brady will be happy with a grilled cheese and milkshake and I know how much Justin loves the burgers.

         By the time I got back to the hospital most of the paparazzi were gone, except for a few hidden in cars. The police and security were positioned all around the hospital keeping them away. I was a little worried when I got to Justin’s room and didn’t hear anything, so I stood at the door for a second before I heard Brady giggling and opened the door. Brady was sitting on the bed next to Justin drawing with markers all over Justin’s cast.

         “Hi Mommy!” he waved when he saw me, “Look, Justin said I could color on his cast, isn’t it cool? And guess what? That lady, the nurse lady, she brought me some gummy bears cause she said I was being so good, so I got some gummy bears! I love gummy bears Mommy.”

         “I know you do, but let’s put those away for a little while and eat some real food, alright?”

         “Alright, cause I am hungry you know.”

         “I sure do know,” I smiled as I helped him down and got his dinner out, “You sure did make a cool picture on Justin’s cast,” I said looking over at the cast. I am not exactly sure what the picture is supposed to be, it looks like a lot of scribbles with a sun and a couple people thrown in there somewhere. Thank God Justin doesn’t mind Brady drawing all over his cast. I think it’s absolutely adorable that he would even suggest that, but that’s just me.

         “Wanna see? It’s me and you and that guy’s Justin and we’re going fishing and that’s a dinosaur and that’s the fish that we caught and over there is the stove that Justin cooked it on and there’s my Spiderman pajamas cause that’s what I had on that night.”

         I definitely felt a tear in my eye; I can’t believe he remembers that night so well. That really was one of the first nights we all bonded together, its kind of where it all began.  “You have a real good memory Brady.”

         “Yeah, that’s cause I’m little. Ohh yummy! A milkshake! Yum yum yum!”

         “I got you a burger,” I said as I placed it on the tray in front of Justin.

         “My favorite, thank you,” he said before reaching his hand up to the side of my head and pulling me closer so he could kiss me.

         “So everything’s good then?” I asked, looking over at Brady quickly.

         “Oh yeah, everything’s good,” Justin smiled as he watched Brady make a fish face as he tried to suck the thick milkshake through the straw, “I’d say everything’s just about perfect.”

         “Yeah,” I agreed, “Just about perfect.”

         He’s right. This is exactly how I wished today would go. Brady is back to normal, he’s back to being obsessed with Justin, and we’re back to being the family type thing we were starting to be. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, so maybe all the bad shit happened so I could really appreciate Justin when he came along. I know one thing for sure, I asked my mom to send me an angel and she sure did. An angel name Justin Timberlake. 

         I’ve had a lot of time to think or maybe daydream. It’s more like I’m thinking, reflecting on what an eventful year it’s been. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since I met Justin. Tomorrow is Brady’s sixth birthday. He’s SIX! Where has the time gone? I can’t even begin to explain how much he’s grown up over the past year. Everyone always says there’s a huge difference between kindergarten and first grade but I didn’t think it would be that big. Some days I think Brady is really twelve. I’m able to have real conversations with him and he’s become such a wonderful, smart and funny little boy. I’m really proud of him, not that I wasn’t before. But he’s not my little baby anymore. He’s all grown up.

         It’s summer now and Brady is officially out of kindergarten. He’s been spending his days at a paleontologist summer camp we found. He absolutely loves it there and he looks so adorable going off every morning in his little uniform. If there was any doubt in my mind before, I am now convinced he has found his calling. I wish I were lucky enough to know what I wanted to do when I was five years old.

         Brady is in camp during the week while I’m here, working like a normal human being. I get up every morning and head in to an actual office where I spend my days answering phones and writing emails, and then go home every night when it’s still light out, instead of getting home from work when the sun is just starting to rise. I will be the first to admit that I like this job a lot more and it’s definitely not as boring as I thought it would be. More importantly, I can stay fully clothed.

         “Mommy!” I heard Brady’s voice before I could see him running down the hall, “Hi Mommy! Justin said I hadda leave camp early cause we was going on a special trip!”

         “And he’s so right, we’re going on a very special trip,” I smiled as I came out from behind the desk and bent down to hug him. I can’t pick him up anymore and that breaks my heart more than anything else. “Did you have a good day?”

         “Yeah, uh huh, I had a great day!” He’s so happy now. He’s back to his normal self, maybe even better, if that’s possible.

         “Jeez Tek, I told you not to run ahead,” Justin came around the corner with a smile. I love that damn smile and I love that I’ve been seeing it so much more recently now that we got all our shit figured out. “Hey Chloe.” He smiled again and leaned down to kiss me gently.

         “Hey, thanks for picking him up.”

         “Yeah, no problem. I’m ready to get our special trip going. I’m just going to run in and say hi then we can get going.” My new job happens to be at Justin’s record label. He pulled some strings to get it for me but I really think they like having me working for them. I’m a hard worker and at the very least they say they get to see Justin a lot more now that I’m working there. He used to stay away from this building as much as possible and now he’s here just about every day. I guess it works out for everyone.

         “Where are we going Mama?” Brady goes back and forth between calling me Mommy and Mama. Justin’s mother was here the other day so he tries his hardest to be just like Justin and call me Mama but he forgets most of the time.

         “I can’t tell you that Monkey, it’s a surprise.” He took a deep breath while I grabbed my bag, “Where do you think we’re going?”

         “Disneyland?”

         I laughed as Justin came out of the office, “Disneyland? No, not Disneyland.” We took him to Disneyland for the first time a couple weeks ago and now he thinks we’re always going to go back. Justin couldn’t believe Brady’s lived in Los Angeles his whole life and has never been to see the Mouse. He especially couldn’t believe I’ve never been there either.

         We made our way to Justin’s car and drove deep into the woods. Justin got Brady a new pair of binoculars so he could look for dinosaurs even though he now knows they’re all extinct. The look on his face when he told me he learned that at camp just broke my heart. It’s not that I’ve been lying to him about it. I told him a long time ago that dinosaurs were extinct but he never believed me. When the real paleontologists told him he had to believe it, and I know it killed him.

         As Justin pulled up to the campsite I turned around to see Brady’s reaction. His face lit up and I’m pretty sure I even heard a squeal. “We’re gonna sleep in there?” he shouted, pointing at the tent that was already set up.

         “We sure are,” I answered almost as stunned as Brady was. This was all Justin’s idea. He spent the day getting everything set up and he’s been planning this for months. God, I’m lucky.

         “It’s so cool Mommy! Thank you!”

         “I think you need to thank Justin Monkey. This was all his idea.”

         “Thank you Justin!” Brady shouted as he ran to give Justin a hug.

         “No problem Tek, it’s your birthday, we have to celebrate. There’s a stream a little ways down so we can catch some dinner.”

         Brady’s face lit up once again, “Like fishing? We did that before, memba that time we caught a fish and then we cooked it and ate it?”

         “I remember. That was so good. I hope you guys catch another one just like that.”

         “I think Mommy should help us go fishing. Don’t you think Tek?” Justin asked with a crooked smile.

         “Yeah! Mommy should help us go fishing,” Brady giggled.

         “No, I think you two would have more fun if it were just the two of you. I can get the rest of the food ready. We have some corn on the cob that needs to be cooked and I have to peel it first and…”

         “But Mommy,” Brady began walking towards me slowly, “It’s my birthday and I really want you to come.”

         I look back when I hear Justin laughing. Sure, he’s been teaching my son lot of good things like how to fish and how to play basketball but he’s also teaching him how to use charm to get his way. I took a deep breath, “You’re going to pay for this Justin.”

         “Oh I am huh?” Justin asks with that damn smile again. I just nod my head and grab onto Brady’s hand as we follow Justin to the stream.

         I sit on a rock by the stream watching Justin help Brady with the fishing pole. I could watch the two of them all day, the two people I love the most in this world. Now that we have everything figured out I don’t know how I ever made it when we weren’t together. I can’t remember a time without Justin in my life. The scary part is we only met a little over a year ago and come to think of it there was a lot of that time that I hated him, or at least I thought I did. It’s amazing how much things can change.

         Once again, Brady caught a huge fish and we brought it back to camp to cook it. I’m really glad Justin talked me into this. At first I wasn’t so sure this was a good idea but the campsite is so nice. He got a pretty big tent and it’s really cute out here with the nice campfire. Brady’s having the most fun he’s ever had in his life. He’s wanted to try camping ever since Justin told him about how he goes camping back in Tennessee. That was one of the first times they met, back when I was trying on dresses for the awards show and they had their first bonding experience.  It was then that Brady fell for Justin, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, that’s when I fell for him too.

         After dinner we sat around the campfire telling ghost stories and singing camp songs. It’s so fun to watch Justin Timberlake, a man that sells out stadiums singing and dancing in front of thousands of screaming girls, singing Koom-By-Ya and We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.  My life is like something out of a fairy tale. I never thought it would be possible to find my Prince Charming but now I know that there is no possible way to live without him.

         Brady was having a hard time keeping his eyes open so I brought him in the tent and tucked him in. It’s been a really long day for all of us, but especially for the little one. He fell asleep before his head even hit the pillow. I went back to the campfire, sitting closer to Justin than I had before. “This is amazing.”

         “Ah, you like it, huh? Didn’t I tell you that you’d like it?”

         “Yes, you told me that a couple times. I do think I would have liked a blowup mattress though.”

         “You can’t have a blowup mattress,” he tells me for the tenth time, “That’s not camping Chloe.”

         “I think it’s camping as long as we’re in the woods and sleeping in a tent. I doubt a little mattress would make the difference.”

         “You’re right a little mattress does nothing. It’s more comfortable to sleep on the actual ground. I cleaned out all the rocks and pebbles, you’ll be comfortable Chloe, I promise.” He puts his arm around me and I lean against him. When he promises me something there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s right. “City girl’s getting all country,” he finished with a chuckle.

         “I’m getting there. I’m surprised at your knowledge of camp songs.”

         He laughed and pulled me closer, “Come on now Chloe. I was raised around campfires.”

         “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You should throw some on your next album. Everybody would love a nice Koom-By-Ya remix.”

         “It’s never been done before, I can tell you that,” he answered with a smile. “But I’m taking some time off before I start all that again.”

         “I thought you were a workaholic when it comes to that stuff?” he’s told me that a hundred times and I do know that he would always sneak down to his studio any time he would get hit with a little inspiration. Come to think of it, he hasn’t been sneaking away all that much.

         “Yeah, well, there’s some more important things going on in my life right now. I have more important things to worry about.” I smile as a response; he sure does have a way with words. “Besides,” he continues, “If I record another album I’ll have to go touring. I can’t be away from you guys for that long and Brady can’t miss school. It’s no fun living out of a suitcase for too long.”

         “But you shouldn’t stop doing what you love to do because of us.”

         “What I love to do is spend my time with you guys. I’m not stopping doing anything; I’m just taking a break. Maybe I’ll work on something later in the year. Get an album out there and do a quick tour next summer so you guys can come. We’ll figure something out, we have time. Now I just want to spend every possible second with you.”

         “Well you don’t have anything to worry about, because we’ll follow you wherever you take us.”

         It’s really hard to believe that over a year ago I didn’t even know who Justin was. My first night at the strip club he showed up, my first private, and also my last. Now the only lap dances I’ll ever do are real privates, with just the two of us in our actual bedroom. He saved us, both figuratively and literally. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to survive without my mother and I definitely wasn’t starting off on the right foot. But then Justin came into my life and now I don’t know how I made it without him. I do know how lucky I am and I thank God every day for the gifts he’s given me. I know my mother is looking down on us with a smile the size of the ocean. She knew I’d find my Prince someday; she always had faith even when I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I can tell you one thing, I’ve never been this happy in my life.

         “I love you,” I whispered after sitting with Justin in silence, “So much.”

         “I know,” he answered before attaching his lips to my forehead, “But I love you more.”

         I laughed and moved to look into his eyes, “Why do you have to be so competitive?”

         “I’m not,” he chuckled, “I’m just stating the facts.”

         “It’s not a fact, it’s an opinion. Can’t we just love each other equally?”

         “Umm… I don’t think that’s possible.”

         “Why not?”

         “Because there’s not enough love in the world. There won’t be any love left for anyone else.”

         I laughed and kissed him passionately, “There’s always enough love. You just have to find it.”

         “And once you find it,” Justin continued, “You never let it go.”

         “Never.” I agreed.

         “Never, ever.” he added with a chuckle and pulled me so close I almost felt my ribs crashing in.

         “It’s a figure of speech,” I giggled, “You don’t have to literally never let me go.”

         “You said never. I’m never, ever going to let you go.”

         “Great. You’re going to have fun going to work with me.”

         “You’re going to have fun going to work with me,” he laughed as he stood up and pulled me up with him, still not letting go, “You better learn how to dance,” he said as released one hand to slap my ass before putting it right back.

         “I already know how to dance.”

         “That’s right, you sure do.” He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist more comfortably so we could slow dance under the moon with no music.

         “Let’s stay here forever.”

         “Alright country girl,” Justin chuckled, “You’re easy to convince. I thought it’d take a little longer to get you to move out to the woods.”

         “I’ll move to the moon as long as I’m with you.”

         “I’ll remember that. I might take you up on it someday.”