Love at first sight. Does it exist? I doubt it. I don’t think it’s possible for any two people to fall in love just by looking at each other. OK, there can be attraction, but it’s not love. People can try and pretend that they fell in love at first sight all they want but I know the truth. I know there is no such thing. If you really fell in love with someone at first sight then you’re relationship is not as deep as you think it is. You don’t even know what love is.

I don’t even believe in love, forget about love at first sight. What is love? No one even knows. Love is this feeling that is in the pit of your stomach, like butterflies or something. I have that feeling when I’m sick and ready to vomit. Is that what love feels like? Then count me out. They say you can’t explain love, but you know when you’re in love. They also say that about migraines.

Everyone feels like they’re in love at some point but then it gets ruined. So is that what love is? Something that lasts only a couple months and then is replaced with the truth. Love is not perfect, love is tough. But how do you know if it’s worth the fight?

I don’t think many people actually do know what love is. I know I don’t. I know what love isn’t. Love isn’t being lied to. Love isn’t sleeping with other girls when your girlfriend is at home taking care of your three month old daughter. Love isn’t crying yourself to sleep and praying that maybe the more you ignore it the more it doesn’t exist. Love isn’t in the form of black and blues. Don’t ever be fooled that they are. People do NOT change. They can not change. If he hits you once he will hit you again, no matter how much he says he’s sorry- he’s not.

It was a cold February night when I finally realized all those things love is not. I was sitting in front of a black television with my three year old daughter, Vanessa in my arms. I watched the blank television for hours, trying to figure out how I was going to escape. Part of me thought Chris will never even notice if we were gone. I looked over at the clock to notice it was already 8:30. He gets out of work at 5 so he could be home any minute… although the fact remains that he is not coming home any minute, he probably will not even be home tonight.

I don’t know who she is. Part of me wants to know who she is but really I hope he falls in love with her so he can leave and never look back. It doesn’t bother me that he hits me, well it bothers me but I can handle it. I’m just scared he’s going to start hitting Vanessa. It will happen anytime now and I can’t deal with the constant fear that he’s going to hurt her. I carefully placed Vanessa on the couch and started putting some things together. It has to be tonight or I’ll put it off forever.

“Mommy” I heard my daughter’s quiet voice
“Hey baby girl, what’s the mater?” I stuck my head back into the living room so she could see me
“Where we going?” she offered excitedly
“We’re going to go on a little trip” I forced a smile and I saw her face light up
“Disney World?”
“No sweetie” I smiled, “Go back and rest, let mommy get packed”
“No! I help”
“OK” I nodded my head, “Get your things together”
“I help, cause I’m a biiggg girl”

“You are a big girl baby, thank you” I watched Vanessa run into her room and throw all her things into her Dora the Explorer backpack. I grabbed my suitcases that were already packed from the closet and took the envelope of cash I had ready before walking into Vanessa’s room to help her, “How are you doing sweetie?”

“Good. Mommy I think we should go visit Mickey. And Minnie too. And Tigger… but not Donald k?”
“Ok sweetie” I felt a tear fall down my face, “Do you think you have everything?” I squatted down so I was at her level
“Everything” she nodded her head and came to give me a hug, “Mommy, is you cryin?” she asked before wiping the tear from my face
“No silly, are you ready?”

We drove for hours that night. I didn’t know where we were going or what we were going to do when we got there. For some reason, I was afraid that Chris would come looking for us but I think deep down I knew he would be happy we left. It would be weight off his shoulder if nothing else. He wouldn’t care if he never saw his daughter again; it would just be less child support he would have to pay.

“Come on, baby, I’m sorry” I said as I lifted Vanessa from her car seat and dragged her into the gas station rest room with me, “Come on baby, you have to stand up”

“Mommy, I’m tired” she whined

“I know you are sweetie, I know. Come on, do you have to go potty?” she shook her head, “Can you try baby, please? Mommy doesn’t want to have to stop again until breakfast” she just looked at me trying desperately to keep her eyes open, “Just really fast alright babe?”

I yawned and grabbed a coffee on my way out, hoping I would be able to carry my daughter along with a big cup of coffee. I placed the coffee on the roof of the car as I gently placed her into her car seat and kissed her forehead, “Are we almost there Mommy?”

“Just go back to sleep booboo”

I drove until I got there. Where exactly it was I was going I had no idea. I thought I’d know when I got there, and I did. It may have been the bright sunny day that made Los Angeles look so beautiful, or it may have been the fact that we were so tired from driving for so long. As soon as I stepped out of the car I knew that this was the place for us to start our home.

It was two years later when we were finally settled to the point that I could actually call this place home. I found a job that actually pays me enough to afford rent and then some which I found to be almost impossible without a college education. I know there is no way that I’m qualified for this job, but I am a fast learner. I’m working at a recording studio; I know nothing about recording devices or music in general. My boss is Kyle and he quickly became my best friend, and my only friend. I’m pretty sure the only reason why I got the job is because he felt bad for us.

“Mommy, mommy wake up” I felt Vanessa jumping on the bed

“What are you doing up so early?” I grabbed her and pulled her down with me, “Are you excited?”

“Mmhmm”

“And why’s that?”

“Cause I start school today Mommy!” she said as she put a hand on either side of my face, “I’m a big girl”

“I know you are, but we still have a little more time to sleep” I smiled, “Don’t you want to rest a little longer?”

“No Mommy, I have to get pretty and wear my pretty dress and you said I could wear your makeup”

“What?” I laughed, “Booboo I did not say you could wear my makeup”

“But Mommy, it’s my first day of school”

“I’m sorry but no way. You are not wearing makeup until you are 16 years old. How do you want to wear your hair?” I asked as I played with her blonde curls

“Braids” she stood up, “Come on, I wanna wear my dress”

“Alright Booboo, you got it” I sat up, “I can’t believe you’re such a big girl and you’re going school today” she smiled, “Let’s make a big breakfast for your special day. What do you want? Pancakes? Eggs?”

“Chocolate chip pancakes!”


“Yeah! Mickey Mouse ones?”

I did cry when I dropped her off. She didn’t cry, but I did. In fact, there were very few children that were actually crying but most of the mother’s were. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one. I drove to the recoding studio and ran inside, hoping no one would notice how obviously I had been crying. “Morning Izzy”

“Morning Kyle” I said as I sat down at the desk and turned away from him and went right to the pile of paperwork that was waiting for me.


“Did your cat get run over by a car?”

“What?”

“You look sad” he said with a smile on his face

“Shut up” I laughed, “its Vanessa’s first day of kindergarten”

“Aww” he said seriously as he rolled over towards me on his chair, “Are you holding up alright?”

“I’m fine, I was just sad” I said with a chuckle before pushing him away from me, “What’s going on today?”

“Just some people coming in to record… you know, the usual”

“Thanks Kyle” I said sarcastically as I started working on some paperwork, “She didn’t even cry”

“Who?”

“Nessa. She didn’t even cry a little. She just
ran in and started playing with the other kids”

“That’s a good thing Izzy”

“I guess” I tapped my pen against the desk, “I just thought she’d cry a little”

“You’re amazing” he laughed, “You want your daughter to cry”

“Of course I don’t” I paused and laughed, “Whatever. Are you coming over for Grey’s Anatomy tonight?”

“You know it”

“Good” I paused as I looked up to see two men standing in front of me, “I’m sorry, what can I do for you?”

“We have a studio. Justin Timberlake” a tall man with dark hair stated

“Oh ok um,” I looked at the schedule, “We have you in four”

“We need a bigger one” the same man answered, “There’s going to be a lot of us, we told you that on the phone”

“You told me that on the phone” I repeated, he did not tell me that on the phone. I don’t doubt he told somebody that but it definitely wasn’t me, “I can switch some things around it’s not a problem sir. Is number two alright?”

“Is that the biggest?”

“Well one is the biggest sir. But we have that
one booked until next Wednesday. I can put you down for that one starting Wednesday if you’d like”

“Two is fine” the other man with short brown hair answered

“It’s really not much smaller. Let me get you the key” I rolled over and grabbed the key, “Here you go, and I just need you to sign these papers” the first man went to the room while the other stayed behind to sign the papers

“I’m sorry about him; he likes a lot of space”

“Oh no, I’m sorry we couldn’t get you the room you wanted”

“It’s not a big deal. He’s not an asshole”

“I never said he was”

“I know, but you were thinking it” he smiled, “I’m Justin” he held his hand out

“Izzy. You’re all set Justin; just return the key out here when you’re done. Have a good one”

“Oh Lord” Kyle rolled over to me and let out a big sigh, “He is gorgeous, more gorgeous in person. Pictures do not do that boy justice”

I laughed as I initialed the papers I needed to, “You’re insane”

“I wonder if he has a gay twin” he said as he bit the tip of his pen, “How amazing would that be? You could have Justin and I could have his gay twin,”

“I can have Justin?” I laughed, “Have you met me?”

“What is he not your type? I’m pretty sure he’s everyone’s type”

“I don’t have a type because I have a daughter”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a life. You need to go out and get some”

“First of all” I started with a laugh, “I do not need to go out and get some. Second of all, I do not have time to date and my daughter is my life. And third why do you think that just because a good looking guy comes in that he’s automatically interested in me?”

“He was flirting with you”

“What? Kyle please”

“What?” he mimicked me with a chuckle, “Get back to work Dizzy Izzy”

“You are the one that needs to get back to work Vile Kyle” I said as I rolled over to answer the phone, “SpitSound Studios”

“Hi, may I talk to Isabelle Boyd”

“This is she’

“How are you? This is Stephanie Long, Vanessa’s teacher”

“Oh, is she ok?” I felt my heard beating in my throat.
The first day that she goes to kindergarten and she’s already hurt. I knew she was too young…

“Yes, well yes. She’s just been crying since you left. There were a few other kids crying but we managed to get them to calm down a little but she really doesn’t seem to be stopping” she said with a slight laugh

“Oh no, I’m sorry”

“No, it’s not a big deal don’t worry about it. We’ll let you talk to her to see if you can calm her down. Maybe you could come in for lunch?” she paused, “We just don’t want her to get used to it”

“Oh no, I understand. I can come in, it’s not a problem. What time is lunch?”

“11:23. I’ll let you talk to her”

“Thank you”

“Mommy?” I heard her little voice and I felt like I was ready to cry myself

“Booboo, what’s the matter?”

“You didn’t give me a kiss”

“What?” I heard a chuckle escape, “Baby you ran in and played with your new friends. I thought you were having fun”

“Noo” she started to cry again, “I wanna come home”

“Well you can’t come home silly Mommy’s working”

“Oh, I can come there then and see Kyle”

“Ah ha” I laughed, “The truth comes out. Listen Booboo, here’s what’s going to happen. You are going to go back to class and stop crying and have fun and make lots of friends”

“But Mommy”

“No. Listen. I will come for lunch, but Mrs. Long is going to tell me if you keep crying and then I won’t come ok?”

“Ok” she answered in a disappointed tone

“And Kyle is going to come over for dinner so you’ll see him then”

“Yay”

“Yay” I laughed, “Ok Booboo, I love you”

“Bye Mommy, I love you too!”

I took a deep breath as I hung up the phone, “What was that about?”

“Vanessa. They said she wouldn’t stop crying”

“Ahh… you got your wish”

“Shut up I did not want her to cry” I said as I slapped his arm, “She wanted to come here and see you”

“That’s my girl”

“I need to take lunch early k?”

“OK” he answered sarcastically

“Shut up, I’ll bring you food”

“Have fun” he smiled

I sat out on the bench waiting for Vanessa’s class to come out on their way to lunch. I held a McDonald’s Happy Meal in my hand and I heard Vanessa scream when she saw me, “mommy!”

“Baby shh, wait in line”

“How are you?” her teacher asked

“I’m fine, I’m sorry”

“No, no it’s fine. She was better after she talked to you. We just don’t want her to get used to it”

“Yeah. She said I didn’t give her a kiss so we’ll make sure I give her many kisses before I leave”

“Great” she smiled, “Have fun”

“Come here baby girl” I said as I gave her a quick hug, “Are you feeling better now”

She nodded her head, “oh, a Happy Meal. What’s the toy? What’s the toy?” I definitely did not need to come. She’s fine; she was just testing what she could get away with.


After lunch with Vanessa I picked up lunch and got back to work, “Do you want your bread or no?” I asked Kyle as I handed him the salad I bought him

“No,” he said as he grabbed it from my hand, “How is she?”

“She’s fine. She’s just testing everyone and seeing what she can get if she cries”

Kyle laughed, “Just like her mommy”

“Shut up”

“He was looking for you”

“Who?”

“Justin”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh my God, you’re an idiot. Justin. Gorgeous Justin.
In two”

“Oh… why was he looking for me?”

“Because he wants you” I rolled my eyes

“Oh, ok. Did you tell him I’d be back in a few minutes and we could sneak out to the back or something?” I answered sarcastically

“Well four is empty, no need to go outside” he laughed as he took a bite of his salad

“You’re ridiculous” I said seriously before standing up, “Want a soda?”

“Yeah, you go right ahead, I’ll just sit here and do my job while you go and walk around”

“Thanks Kyle” I said as I threw a tomato at him and walked down the hall to the soda machine. I put my 65 cents in and pressed the button for a Diet Pepsi but nothing came out, “Oh come on” I pressed it again

“You just have to hit it right” I heard a voice behind me and looked up to see Justin with a smile on his face, “There’s a spot that will do it. Every machine is different so you have to find the right spot for each machine. Just like people, everyone’s got their spot” he smiled and paused as he continued hitting random parts of the machine until my soda fell out, “There ya go, looks like we found it. Remember next time, its right above the first p in Pepsi”

“Thank you” I said as I put more money in

“Oh shit you want another one? That’s definitely asking a lot” he laughed as it got stuck again, “Right above the first P” he said as he hit it again

“Thank you again” I smiled

“Anytime” he smiled, “I was looking for you”

“Were you?” he nodded his head, “And why is that?”

“We were ordering food; I was going to see if you wanted any”

“Oh, no I got some food. Thanks though”

“Next time I guess then”

I smiled as I walked away, he’s kind of charming

“Izzy?” I turned around, “How do you like your coffee?”

“What?”

He smiled again and leaned on the counter, “What do you like in your coffee? Cream? Sugar?”

“I don’t drink coffee”

“What?” the truth is every since that night we left and I had to drink all that coffee to stay awake I really haven’t found coffee very appetizing, “Tea?” I nodded my head, “What kind?”

“Chamomile with honey and lemon”

“Got it” he smiled, “Later Izz”

“Later” I said softly as I walked back into the front

“That was a long trip to the soda machine. I almost sent
out a search party”

I smiled as I handed him his soda, “You know I have to leave early to pick up Nessa right?”

“yes” he nodded his head, “I know that you need to come in late because you were dropping off Nessa then you need to leave for lunch because Nessa was crying and then you need to leave early to pick her up” he answered smartly

“I was like five minutes late”

“Still late. Plus you took your lunch early but you didn’t eat, so really you got two lunches. And then you leave and go visit with the soda machine for ten minutes”

“Shut up” I laughed, “I’m making you dinner”

“Oh and that’s supposed to be a good thing?”

“Shut up, I’m a good cook”

“I know you are but I don’t want macaroni and cheese. I’ll bring food”

“So tell me about your first day Booboo” I said as I cleaned up the kitchen, “Did you make any new friends?”

“Mmmhumm” she smiled as she sat down at the table, “Jenny is my favorite. She’s nice. And I have a boyfriend”

“What?”

“Yeah. His name is Corbyn and he’s my boyfriend”

“OK” I got nervous for a second and then realized that to five year olds a boyfriend is just a boy in class that you never talk to. It makes me nervous even thinking about her dating, she’s not dating until she’s married, “How do you like your teacher?”

“She’s nice. She’s pretty”

“Yeah” I smiled, “Good. Anything else fun happen? Do you have any homework?”

“No” she laughed, “Oh that’s right you do”

“What? Why do I have homework?”

“Cause she said that Mommy’s have to fill out this paper and I have to bring it back”

“Ok, I guess I can do that” I laughed as she handed me a paper with emergency contact information.

I heard the door open and then Vanessa scream “KYLE!!!!!” she jumped off the chair and ran to the door

“Ms. Nessa” Kyle smiled as he grabbed her in his arms and twirled her around then threw her on the couch, “Hey Mommy” he said as he kissed my cheek and placed a bag of food on the table

“Thanks for dinner” I said as I took it out of the bags

“No problemo, come on Nessa let’s eat” he called out to her in the other room

Vanessa ran into the kitchen, “Wash your hands” she ran out, “And walk” I grabbed some plates from the cabinet

“Justin was looking for you again” I really think that Kyle is just so in love with him that since he can’t have him he’s going to just make up stories so maybe I can go on one date with Justin and all his dreams will come true through me.

“Do you make this stuff up?”

“No” he laughed, “He said, and this is a direct quote here, where did she go?”

“Good to know” I laughed, “Booboo what is taking you so long?”

She came back and smiled as she sat down next to Kyle, “I think you should hook up with him”

“I’m glad” I said sarcastically as I put a piece of chicken on Vanessa’s plate

“You need to get laid” I felt my mouth drop, please tell me he did not just say that in front of my daughter

“What does laid mean?” Vanessa asked and I could feel myself tremble, why would he say that?

“It means she’s tired, she needs to lay down,” Kyle answered with a chuckle

“Oh me too. I need to get laid” Kyle laughed but I felt my stomach turning

“No Nessa. Don’t ever say that again. Go to your room”

“But I didn’t even do anything. I didn’t even eat yet”

“Here take it with you and go into the living room” I handed her the plate,

“Careful ok? Mommy needs to talk to Kyle”

“Can I watch Sponge Bob?”

“Sure sweetie, go ahead” I said as I grabbed a plate for myself, “Why would
you ever say that in front of my daughter?”

“She already forgot about it”

“Seriously Kyle, you’re not stupid”

“Face the facts sweetie, you need to get laid”

“I do not” I said as I took a bite, “We don’t need to be talking about this”

“When’s the last time you got laid?”

“A long time ago”

“When’s the last time you had a boyfriend?”

“Kyle…”

“When’s the last time you even went out?”

“Ok, last week we went out”

“Chuck E. Cheeses does not count”

“Look Kyle, I can’t just go out, you know that”

“Yes you can. Have someone watch her”

“Like…”

“You’re old enough to watch yourself, aren’t you Nessa?”

“Yeah, I am. Mommy please? Can I?”

“Booboo you would be scared to death if I left you alone”

“No suh”

“Don’t talk to me like that. No suh is not a word”

“Doesn’t she have any friends?” he said it right there, as if she wasn’t sitting down right next to him, “Don’t you have any friends? No well I’m here and if I watch her who will you go out with” he’s such an asshole sometimes. I rolled my eyes and he laughed and then looked over at Vanessa, “Aren’t you supposed to be in your room?”

She took a deep breath and walked back into the other room, “No, Booboo you can come back, get your plate” I looked at Kyle, “We are not talking about this anymore”

“Ohh a threat” he laughed

“Booboo tell Kyle about your first day”

“I made lots of friends and I have a boyfriend”

“Aww the five year old has a boyfriend but Mommy doesn’t”

The next morning I sat at the desk working on paper work when Justin walked in and handed me a cup of tea, “chamomile with honey and lemon” he smiled

“Oh, thank you” I smiled, “That’s sweet”

“I’m sweet, what can I say?”

“Not too sweet” I heard Kyle, “What am I chopped liver?”

Justin laughed, “I’ll bring you in something tomorrow, what do you want?”

“Double Macchiato with no foam and a double shot of espresso with soy milk and one and a half Splenda” he answered with a smile causing me to laugh

“You’re going to have to write that one down for me buddy” Justin laughed,

“See you guys later”

“Oh yeah, you were totally right, he doesn’t want you at all” Kyle said sarcastically

“Shut up” I gave him a death stare, “You are seriously getting on my nerves with this”

“Oh, I’m so sorry” he smiled, “Maybe you can remind him about my drink tomorrow” I have no idea what he’s talking about, “When he wakes up at your house”

“Stop it, seriously” he is really pissing me off now, “You need to let it go Kyle,”

“Sure” he laughed, he is enjoying the fact that he is getting me so annoyed too much.

A few hours later Kyle handed me a pile of papers, “What’s this?”

“Can you go get the guys in two to sign these”

“Seriously? They’re working”

“So they need to sign it. Go”

I stood up and rolled my eyes, “His friend guy is going to yell at me”

“You can take him”

“Thanks Kyle” I said as I grabbed the papers and slowly made my way down to two. I’m a little afraid of the other guy; he’s totally going to yell at me. I opened the door slowly and noticed Justin sitting on the couch while the other guy was playing with beats.

I stood at the door quietly until Justin noticed me, “What’s up Izzy?”

“Sorry, I need you to sign these” I whispered and noticed that I was pretending I was writing on my hand, playing a game of charades I see.

“You can talk, it’s ok” he laughed

“Sorry, I didn’t know” I smiled, “I just need you guys to sign some papers”

“For you the world” Justin smiled as he signed, “Bro, you gotta sign these” he handed them over to the other guy and I waited patiently for him to chew my head off.

“Thanks, I’m sorry to bother you guys”

“It’s important stuff. We understand” Justin smiled as he handed me the papers

“Thank you” I smiled as I walked out of the room

“Izzy” I heard Justin’s voice as I walked down the hall

“Yes?”

“What time do you have lunch?”

“Whenever I want”

“Good. So like, in an hour then?”

“In an hour what?”

“We’ll have lunch” he smiled, “Yesterday you said next time, don’t back out on me now” I smiled, “So in an hour?”

I nodded my head, “Sure”

“Alright then, I’ll see you in an hour” he smiled and I nodded my head and walked back to the front

“Here you go” I said as I handed Kyle the papers

“Did he yell at you?” I shook my head, “Did he make out with you?” Kyle laughed

“How did you know?” I asked sarcastically

“There’s cameras” he smiled, “So what happened?”

“We’re going to lunch ok? Would you please drop it?”

“Oh I totally will” he smiled



An hour later Justin walked up to the front and smiled, “I’m ready” I said as I stood up, “Do you want me to bring you back something Kyle?”

“No, I’m good” he gave me a sarcastic smile, “Have fun”

“Thanks” I smiled as I grabbed my purse and followed Justin outside

“So I was thinking that place down the street”

“That’s fine”

“I hear it’s amazing”

“It is very good” I smiled as we walked into the restaurant and decided on sitting outside at the cute little tables.

“So Izzy… what’s that short for Isabelle?”

“Isabella”

“Oh… doesn’t that mean the beautiful one?” he asked with a smile

“No” I laughed, “It means my god is a vow”

“Are you sure? Because Bella means beauty”

“I’m positive” I said with a smile, “What does Justin mean? Smooth?”

He threw his head back as he laughed, “It means righteous”

“We have boring name meanings”

“We do” he smiled as he took a sip of his water, “Does anyone call you Bella?” I shook my head, “Is that a big no?” he laughed

“Yes. My name is Izzy”

“Alright then” he laughed, “Where are you from Izzy?”

“Nebraska, you?”

“Tennessee”

“When did you come out here?”

“Two years ago”

“It’s a lot to get used to huh?” he said with a laugh

“Yeah but, I like it” he nodded his head

“Did you come out here by yourself?”

“No, with my daughter” I watched carefully for his reaction, “The deal breaker” I laughed, it’s usually at this point that they run away, “You can run away if you want”

“No, no way” he smiled, “How old is she?”

“Five”

‘Do you have any pictures?”

“Of course” I laughed as I pulled out my phone. Justin moved his chair closer to mine as I showed him the pictures

He smiled when he saw her, “She’s adorable. She looks just like you” I smiled as I shut my phone, “What’s her name?”

“Vanessa”

“I bet she has an interesting name meaning” he said with a chuckle

“No, it actually doesn’t mean anything” I laughed, “Jonathan Swift made it
up”

“Really?”

“Yeah” I smiled

“Are you a big Gulliver’s Travels fan?”

“Oh yeah” I said with a laugh

“So there’s no husband right?” he asked with a smile, “Just getting my shit straight”

“No, no husband” I laughed

“And no boyfriend?” I shook my head, “Perfect”
I had a lot of fun on that hour lunch. I was surprised. I really haven’t gone out with a guy besides Kyle in years and I never really even thought about it.

“So same time tomorrow?” he asked with a smile as we walked back to the studio

“Really?”

“Yes really.. Why not?”

“You know I have a daughter”

“Yes” he laughed, “She can come”

“She has school” I laughed

“I know” he smiled, “Do you not want to go out again?”

“I do”

“Alright then, tomorrow. Same time” he smiled, “It’s been fun”

“Thank you” I said as I sat down at the desk and Kyle appeared out of nowhere

“So?”

“So?” I asked with a smile

“He’s great isn’t he?” Kyle asked, “You don’t even have to tell me I can tell by those eyes”

“Stop, please?”

“Alright, you’re embarrassed, we won’t talk about it now” he smiled, “Want to get dinner?” I gave him a look, “It’s Kid’s Night at Friendly’s”

“Yeah, alright” I said as I started working on the papers in front of me.

It had been two weeks since I went to lunch with Justin for the first time and we’ve been going to lunch every day since. I really like him, and that scares me so much. I don’t know why… I’m such a baby when it comes to this stuff. I’ve never dated anyone like him before, which is good… yes, it’s definitely good, but it’s weird too. He’s really a good guy- so far, granted we’ve only done lunch. But he seems really genuine. And he’s funny. And he cares about Vanessa, he asks me about her every day, and when I tell him stupid stories about her that most people would just smile and nod to, he’s really listening. He’ll laugh and ask questions like he really cares.

He holds the door for me and he unlocks my side of the car first. He even pulls out my chair for me; no one’s ever done that for me before. I’ve never dated someone like him before. I usually find the assholes that don’t care and do the bare minimum just to get by. I’ve never dated someone that actually goes the extra step. It’s almost like he just wants to see me smile or make me happy and he’s not even looking for some sort of self-gain.

“So when can I take you out? Not during your lunch break?” Justin asked with a smile

“Um” I paused, “I don’t know because…”

“Vanessa” I nodded my head, “We’ll figure something out” he smiled

“I’m sorry it’s just…”

“No, no I get it. I do want to meet her though” really? I find it very amazing that he actually cares about her, “When you’re ready. I get it if you don’t want her to met me”

“No, I do” I paused, “I actually have to work late tonight so I’m going to have to bring her back”

“Alright, I’ll see her then” he smiled as he took a sip from his water, “I’m really excited” I get that feeling, like butterflies in my stomach, every time he talks about Vanessa or asks me about her. It really makes me so happy that he cares.



“Come on Booboo” I grabbed onto Vanessa’s hand as we walked into the studio, “Remember that you have to be extra good ok? Because there are a lot of people working here”

“I know Mommy. I’m just going to play with Rachael and color” she said as she grabbed onto her doll

“I know, you’re going to be so good”

“And then we can go get pizza” she said with a smile

“We’ll see Booboo” I opened the door and she screamed and ran to Kyle

“Calm down girlie” Kyle laughed as he picked her up, “How was school?”

“Goood” she smiled, “Turn me turn me” she shouted as Kyle turned her around in the chair

“Shh” I laughed as she screamed, “You can’t be so loud sweetie, people are working”

“Yeah trouble maker, get coloring. I want a picture” Kyle said as he went back to his paperwork

“Come on Booboo, sit here with me” I pulled her coloring books out and sat her next to me at the desk.

It was no more than an hour later that Justin came out, “Hey” he smiled, “The light in two isn’t working. It needs a new bulb or something, do you have one? I’ll change it?”

“I got it” Kyle said as he stood up

“Ohh can I come?” Vanessa shot up

“Uh… no” Kyle said, “Stay with Mommy”

“But Kyle…” she whined

“Ohh… we are not going to start that” I said, “Come here Booboo, I want you to meet someone” I said as I pulled her on my lap, and took a deep breath. It all depends on how he is with her if I’ll ever even hang out with him again, “This is Justin. Justin, this is my daughter Vanessa” I said as I moved her hair out of her face

“Well hello,” Justin smiled as he reached his hand over the counter to shake her hand.

“Hi” she said softly and hid her face in my chest

“Oh please” I laughed, “She is never shy, baby you’re never shy”

“What are you doing over there?” Justin asked with a smile

“Coloring” she said softly

“Can you color me a picture?”

“Yeah” she nodded her head and then jumped off my lap and ran to the other side to the counter, “Come on, you need to pick which one” she grabbed onto his hand and pulled him back to the other side, “Do you want… a doggie, or a kitty or an elephant or how about a monkey, yeah yeah a monkey”

“A monkey sounds great”

“Yeah!” she said as she sat down and started coloring, “Mommy you get a dolphin”

“Oh, thank you, I love dolphins”

“And Kyle gets a piggy”

“I’m sure he will love that” Justin laughed, “What time are you here until?”

“Probably six”

“Can I take you girls out to dinner after?”

“We’re getting pizza. You can come” Vanessa said, not looking up from her paper

I laughed, “I said maybe we will get pizza”

“I was actually craving some pizza myself” Justin laughed

“Oh can we Mommy? Can we? Please?” she asked and I looked over at Justin and he shrugged

“Ok” I smiled

“Yes!”

“Thank you” Justin said with a smile, “Now Vanessa, I’m going to go back to work but when I come back I hope that picture will be done”

“It will be” she laughed

“Alright, I’ll see you girls later”

Kyle came back just as Justin left, “Is that monkey for me?”

“No, it’s for Justin. You get the piggy”

“What are you trying to say?” he said as he put his hands on his hips

“You like piggies, they’re pink”

“They are pink” he laughed, “They’re also fat” he finished softly

“You know what?”

“What kid?”

“We’re going to get pizza with Justin”

“Well you better finish that stinky or you’re not going to be able to” I said with a smile as I went back to the paperwork in front of me
“Hey” she said seriously and put her hands on her hips
“Hey” I laughed

“OK, come up here” I said to Vanessa as she crawled up to the front seat with me, “Conference time”

“I didn’t even do anything”

I laughed as I pulled her on my lap, “You need to be on your best behavior ok? Because Justin is very busy and you need to behave. Understand?” she nodded her head, “Say it sweetie. If you’re bad we’re going home without any pizza and we won’t get pizza for a whole month”

“I’ll be good. I promise” she said seriously, all I really had to do was threaten no more pizza and she’ll be an angel. I know she’s a good kid and she’s not going to act up but I don’t want to have to yell at her in front of Justin.

“Alright” I kissed her forehead, “Let’s go” I grabbed onto her hand and walked into the restaurant that is not exactly a pizza place. Well, they have pizza but it’s a little high class compared to the Pizza Hut we’re used to. I fixed her hair as we walked in and saw Justin waiting for us, I feel very underdressed for this.

“Are you hungry Vanessa?” Justin asked as we sat at a table

“Mmmhumm” she said as she started looking through the menu as if she could read it.

“I feel very underdressed,” I said as I looked around at the fancy restaurant

“Nah” Justin smiled, “Nobody’s dressed up. It’s just a restaurant. The cod is amazing”

“I thought we were getting pizza” Vanessa said as she dropped the menu

“You are getting pizza. Please don’t throw your menu” I said as I picked it up, “Do you want lemonade?”

“Orange soda”

“Lemonade or water?”

“Fine, lemonade”

I gave her a look and she stopped with the attitude. Justin let out a slight chuckle, “Do you want some wine?”

“Sure, but I don’t know much about wine so it’s all you”

“Alright then” Justin smiled as the waitress came to the table, “We’re going to have a lemonade for the little one and a bottle of the Cabernet Rose, and do you have any crayons or something?”

“Um… yeah I can find something” the waitress smiled as she walked away

“So are you in school Vanessa?”

“Yeah. Kindergarten. Today, I painted a butterfly but it’s cool because it’s on one of those things”

“Oh wow, cool” Justin smiled although he obviously has no idea what she’s talking about

“Yeah, so it’s cool. Right? Mommy, what’s it called? Those things?”

“A coffee filter Babe”

“Ooooooh yeah, one of those. And paint. And then you fold it in half” she clapped her hands together, “and then you open it up. And then you get a butterfly!’

“That’s awesome, maybe you can help me make one sometime”

“Yeah!” Vanessa said with a big smile, she’s really excited about it, “We could make a big one, like THIS big” she pulled her arms out

“Whoa, that’s pretty big Vanessa” I smiled

“I know, it would be scary huh? We could put it on the window, and people would drive by and be like ‘oh my god, there’s a big butterfly in the window! AHHH!”

“That would be pretty scary” Justin laughed

“They might call the big bug guy to come and get it, and then he’ll come in” she giggled, “and try to catch it but then he’ll find out it’s just a paper one and then he’ll laugh” she continued talking as did Justin but I just sat there, looking between the two of them. He’s really so good with her. I’ve never dated a guy that actually wants to spend time with her. I mean, I haven’t dated a lot of guys in general but the few that I have in the past 4 years have no wanted anything to do with her. One would pretend he’d care but then take us out to dinner and he’d just ignore her completely and roll his eyes if she said something that didn’t make sense.

Justin is different. I’m pleasantly surprised every time I see him. The sound of a glass breaking woke my from my thoughts, and I looked over to see Vanessa with her hands covering her mouth and lemonade all over the table and Justin’s lap.

“Vanessa” I said as I grabbed my napkin and started to wipe it up, “You need to be more careful”

“I didn’t do it on purpose” she made a face like she was ready to cry

“It’s ok sweetie, don’t worry about it” Justin said as he stood up and helped wipe up the mess on the floor, “It happens all the time”

“Mommy, it was a mistake”

“I know Booboo, it’s ok, just be careful” I said as I looked over at Justin who was just standing up, with a pile of wet napkins in his hands, and a wet lap, “Oh gosh, she got it all over you” I said with a chuckle as I grabbed another napkin and wiped his leg

“It’s alright, I was hot. You cooled me off, thanks Vanessa” he said with a smile, which made me smile. He’s so cute with her, “So what did you say your favorite animal is?”

“I saiiiidd… the panda”

“You know what? They have the coolest panda at the San Diego Zoo. We should go, they have such cool animals and every animal you could ever imagine”

“Do they have bunny rabbits?”

“Yeah, they sure do, and monkeys and penguins”

“Penguins?” she asked as her face lit up, “Real ones?”

“Yeah, it’s the biggest zoo in the whole world. They have everything” Justin said as he looked over at me, “Do you want to go sometime? I’m sorry, I should have asked you first”

I smiled, of course I would love to go to the zoo with him but I’m afraid he doesn’t really want to. How could he want to spend a day at the zoo with a five year old? “You really want to take us to the zoo?”

“I really do” he laughed, “It’s quite sad how much I want to. I haven’t been in… forever and I would love to take you girls. Please?”

“Really?”

“Really” he smiled

“Really, let’s go!” Vanessa shouted and we both laughed

“Babe, calm down we’re not going now”

“Tomorrow I have to work for a little bit and this needs to be a whole day thing so how about Sunday?”

“Yeah, that sounds good” I couldn’t stop smiling.

We finished dinner and he walked us to the car, “It was so nice to meet you Vanessa”

“Wanna come over and play Barbie’s?”

“Nessa…”

Justin chuckled, “I would love to but I can’t tonight, maybe some other time”

“Promise?”

“Of course sweetie”

“Thanks for dinner Justin. Nessa, did you say thank you?”

“Thank you” she said as she climbed into the back seat

“Thanks”

“It’s not a problem, thanks for coming” Justin smiled, “I’ll call you tomorrow then about the zoo?” I nodded my head, “I don’t have your number” he chuckled

“Oh, that could help” I laughed as I gave him my number, “Thanks again, we had fun”

“Yeah, I had fun too. Thanks for coming”

“Sorry about your pants”

“It’s not a problem” he chuckled, “I’ll call you tomorrow” I nodded my head and he moved in and gave me a quick kiss. The first kiss. I felt my knees go weak. I saw the fireworks. I didn’t think that was possible, “Alright,” he smiled, “I’ll call you”

“Bye. Thanks”

I could feel Vanessa’s eyes on me as I slept and slowly opened my eyes to see her giggle, “Can I help you?”

“Mommy, come on. You have to get ready, we’re going to the zoo!”

“I know we are” I laughed as I sat up and looked at the clock, “But not for a few more hours sweetie, it’s only six o’clock”

“That’s ok, maybe he’ll come early” she shrugged

“No, maybe you should come and lay down with me for a little longer” I corrected her

“But Mommy…”

“Baby please” I held onto her tightly and played with her hair, “He’s not coming for another two hours. We need to rest, we’re going to have a busy day”

“Do you know what he said? He said that I can see the monkeys and that there’s penguins and even bunny rabbits”

“I know, you’ve been to the zoo before sweetie”

“But not this zoo. Justin said it’s the biggest zoo in the whole wide world”

“It is big, I’m excited too”

“I’m gonna pet the Panda and give him a big hug”

“I don’t think we’re going to be able to pet them sweetie”

“Oh” she pouted her lips out, “I’m going to get a big Panda then and so I can give her a big hug”

“We’ll see”

Vanessa let out a deep breath and pulled at the covers, “If I’m good though, right?”

“We’ll see”

“How about… I know! You can call Justin and tell him to come early so we can get there early and see all the animals”

“Vanessa stop. He’s coming at eight o’clock that is plenty early”

“OK” she pouted, “Oh, I know! Let’s get pretty for him. We could make him breakfast”

I laughed and sat up, it’s apparent she’s way too excited to get any more sleep, or to let me get any more sleep, “We’re going to get breakfast on the way. It’s a long drive you know”

She nodded her head even though I know she doesn’t know. She’s going to be asking if we’re there yet as soon as we get on the highway. We probably should have told her we were just going to go on a special trip then she wouldn’t have been so excited, “Why don’t you lay in bed and watch some Dora while I take a shower and get ready”

At quarter of eight Justin knocked on the door. He offered a smile and pulled me into a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?” I asked with a chuckle, “You look so tired”

“I’m not used to getting up this early” he laughed

“Oh, I’m sorry, we could have gone later”

“No, it’s cool, I’m excited” he smiled, “You look wide awake”

“She’s been up since six and would not go back to sleep”

“Oh boy”

“She’s very excited”

“He’s here!!!!!!” I heard Vanessa scream as she came running out of her room, as if to prove to him how excited she really is

“What’s up Vanessa?”

“We’re going to the zoo!” she shouted and grabbed onto his hand, “Come on, let’s go”

“Slow down” I said as I walked into the other room, “Where’s your hat?”

“What do you want to see first?” Justin asked as he twirled Vanessa in his arms

“Pandas!”

“Yeah, pandas. What about… the elephants”

“Yeah!”

“Gorillas?”

“YEAH!” she shouted even louder and Justin laughed. He’s getting her so worked up but he’s so good with her.

“Alright, calm down Booboo, it’s a long drive” I said as I locked the door and followed Vanessa and Justin down the steps. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him holding tightly on her hand talking about all the different animals they wanted to see. He’s so good with her.

“Mommy. There’s TVs” Vanessa shouted as she sat down in the back seat of Justin’s Escalade.

“I see, wow” I smiled as I buckled her in and looked at the small screens in the back of the front seats, “You good?”

“Good, let’s go!”

I sat down in the passenger’s seat and Justin turned around and faced Vanessa, “Alright, Happy Feet, Meet the Robinson’s, or Shrek the Third” he asked holding up the three DVDs

“Meet the Robinson’s!”

“Not Shrek?” he asked

“No” she shook her head

“But that’s my movie Vanessa” he chuckled, “I’m in it”

“No suh”

“I am. Don’t you want to see it?” she shook her head and Justin threw his head back as he laughed, “It’s good. I’m good in it, I’m really funny”

“No” she giggled

“You’re going to make him sad Vanessa” I tried to hide the smile on my face

“You are, I might cry. I worked really hard on that”

Vanessa watched him carefully, “OK, we’ll watch Shrek”

“No, it’s ok” Justin laughed, “Meet the Robinson’s is good” he handed her a pair of huge headphones, “These are for you”

I laughed as she put them over her ears, they’re so big and she looks so adorable, “Aww, I need to take a picture”

We drove to a Dunkin Donuts and Justin pulled through the drive thru, “What do you want?”

“I’ll have an everything bagel with cream cheese and…”

“Chamomile with honey and lemon” he finished for me

“Yes, thank you” I smiled and turned to Vanessa, “What do you want Booboo?” she ignored me completely, she’s too focused on the movie,

“Vanessa” I waved my hand and she still just watched the movie. Justin laughed and paused the video

“Hey”

“Hey” I laughed, “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Jelly Doughnut!”

“Uh… I don’t think so sweetie, you’re going to get it all over the place”

“It’s fine” Justin spoke up

“No, you have leather seats, she’ll get jelly all over the place”

“No I won’t”

“It’s ok, it’ll wipe right off” Justin smiled, “What about a drink?”

“Chocolate milk!”

“Alright!” he shouted back with a chuckle as he turned the movie back on

“Will you let me pay for anything?” he gave me a look and I laughed, “Is that a no?”

“It’s a no sweetie”

“Well thank you”

“You’re very welcome”

I definitely did not expect the ride to San Diego to be so relaxing. Vanessa was quietly watching the movie the whole way; I plan on installing some televisions in my car in the near future. Justin and I had a chance to talk about everything. We talk a lot, we have been talking for a while, but there’s never a shortage of words with him. We always have something to say to each other, and I always end up laughing and having a great time. He’s really a great guy and I feel so comfortable around him, like I’ve known him forever. I can be goofy or serious and he gets goofy or serious with me.

Justin was holding Vanessa up so she could see the polar bears when I snuck away. He paid for everything and I know he obviously has money, a hell of a lot more than I do, but I still feel bad about him paying for everything. I came back a few minutes later with two sodas for us and chocolate milk for Vanessa.

“Mommy! Look, he’s coming closer!” she screamed as the polar beer came swimming over to the glass

“Whoa” I smiled

“Ahh!” Justin said as he held his hands up against the glass window and put his face up close, making a face causing Vanessa to laugh as if it were the funniest thing she had ever seen, “He’s going to bite me!”

“Nooo he’s not” Vanessa giggled

“How do you know?” he asked seriously

“Cause there’s glass silly” she answered as she continued laughing.

“Ohhh… ok” Justin laughed

“Here Booboo,” I handed her the chocolate milk. She grabbed it from my hands and went right back to watching the polar bears, “Is Coke ok?”
He gave me a look as he grabbed it from my hand, “Does it make you feel better?”

“What?” I asked with a smile

“Buying me this, does it make you feel better?”

“Yes”

“Alright then, thank you” he smiled as he took a sip, “Ahh”

“It’s good, right?” I laughed

“Just what I needed” he smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist and we followed Vanessa to the monkeys

“Look Mommy, they’re eatin’”

“What are they eating?”

“Banana nanas” she giggled

“Owwoww ahhahh” Justin made monkey sounds and Vanessa looked around. He stopped when she looked at him and then started again when she looked away. Justin laughed when she caught him and then started scratching his head and belly like a monkey. Vanessa laughed as if she had never seen anything that funny before in her life. He’s adorable; he’s such a goof.

Justin walked to Vanessa and pretended to be picking bugs from her hair like the monkeys do, “Stop” she laughed and then started acting like a monkey herself. Before I knew it the three of us were dancing around in front of the monkey cages like complete idiots. I’ve never had that much fun in my life.

“Let’s throw Mommy in with the monkeys” Justin said as he grabbed onto my arm as if he were going to push me into the cage

“Nooo” Vanessa giggled

“Why not? She’d make a good monkey”

“Noo” she giggled again

“How about we throw Justin in?” I asked as I managed to get my arm out of his grip and started to push him toward the cage

“Noo”

“How about we throw Vanessa in?” Justin asked

“Yeah, that sounds good” I said as Justin picked her up

“NOOO!!!!” she screamed while giggling.

“But I thought monkeys were your favorite” Justin stopped, still holding her in his arms

“Yeah, but I don’t wanna be one!”

I kissed Vanessa on the forehead and tucked her into bed, “Goodnight Booboo”

“Wait Mommy, I didn’t get to say goodnight to Justin,” she said as she jumped out of the bed

“Oh, ok hunny but I think he’s…”

“Please Mommy? Really quick?”

“OK quick” she ran out of the room and jumped on Justin’s lap and I walked to the door and watched.

“Hey, what are you doing up?”

“Mommy said I could say goodnight” she gave him a hug

“Oh, alright then, goodnight kiddo”

“Goodnight Justin! Muah!” she gave him a big kiss on the cheek

“Whoa, I am a lucky man” he smiled and gave her another hug, “I’ll see you later alright?”

“OK, I love you” Oh gosh, why did she just say that? I know that she tells everyone that she loves them but I don’t want her to get too attached to him.

“I love you too sweetie, now go to bed!” he laughed and she ran back into the room

“Hi Mommy”

“Hi Babe, are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m ready for bed” she smiled and gave me a hug, “Goodnight Mommy”

“Night Booboo. I love you”

“I love you way more”

“You do huh?” I laughed, “I don’t think so. Give me a kiss”

“Muah!”

“Muah!” I gave her another hug, “Goodnight Booboo” I closed the door and sat down on the couch next to Justin

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah” I nodded my head, “I’m sorry I’m so boring”

“No way, I had fun” he smiled, “It’s very tiring though”

“Yeah she’s a lot of work” I smiled, “You’re really good with her”

“I come from a big family, I’m used to kids”

“Well she loves you”

“She’s a good kid”

“Yes, she is” I said as I grabbed the remote, “Isn’t it sad you’re tired at eight o’clock?” I laughed

“Yeah” he laughed

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure”

“Oh, A League of Their Own is on”

“Oh God”

“You don’t like it?” he shook his head, “This is my favorite movie of all time”

“I won’t hold it against you” he smiled

‘Yeah, ok” I laughed, “ You don’t like Tom Hanks?”

“I do. You’re… beautiful” I smiled, “You really are. Seriously. You’re gorgeous”

“Thank you”

“Yeah. But yeah, I do like Tom Hanks, he’s one of my favorite actors”

“Me too”

“Yeah,” he nodded his head and then moved closer to me and kissed me. It really was such a good kiss. He always kisses me like I’ve never been kissed before and he makes every single kiss get better and better. We continued kissing and I felt his hand slowly making its way up my shirt.

“Wait can we… go in my room… I don’t want her to wake up”

“Yeah” he nodded his head; “Of course” he grabbed my hand. I locked the door and fell on the bed where we continued our make-out session. Justin pulled my shirt over my head and I felt his soft lips on my stomach

“Wait a second” I said as he moved away and looked me in the eyes, “I just want you to… I haven’t done this in a really long time so I might… I might be bad”

“That’s not possible,” he continued kissing me

A few minutes later I heard Vanessa banging on the door, “Mommmyyy”

“What’s the matter sweetie?” I called out as Justin removed his lips from my neck and looked me in the eye

“There’s a monster under my bed, let me in! Let me in!”

“Did you try the monster spray?”

“We’re all out! Mommy please, I’m scared”

“Alright, I’m coming Booboo” I said as Justin rolled off me and I quickly put my clothes back on, “I’m so sorry” I whispered

“Don’t worry about it” he said as he pulled his clothes on

“Are you ok baby?” I asked as I closed the door behind me so she wouldn’t see Justin, “Do you want to check under there?” I asked as I picked her up and gave her a big hug

“No, I’m scared. We need to go buy some monster spray first”

“Are you sure there’s none left?”

“Yeah, I checked”

“Hmm… do you think the store is still open?” I noticed Justin standing at the door watching us and I waved for him to come out, “You know what, I forgot, I have the recipe”

“You do?”

“Yeah, it’s in here somewhere. Can I put you down?” she nodded her head and I placed sat her on the table, “Let’s look, Monster… Mmmm… what letter should I look under?”

“M like Mommy”

“Wow. You are so smart. Can I tell you a secret?” she nodded her head, “I think monsters are afraid of smart girls. You probably don’t even need the spray,” I whispered, “But we’ll get it anyway. Oh, here I found it. Ok Monster Spray… oh this is easy. First we need water” I grabbed the empty spray bottle from the counter and put it under the faucet, “And then we need lemon juice”

“Justin is still here!” Vanessa shouted as she looked over at him standing in the room, “Don’t go in there Justin, there’s a monster!”

“It’s ok, I’m not afraid of monsters” Justin said seriously

“But he’s big and he has big green teeth and big yellow eyes”

“What color is he?”

“Red”

“Are you sure red? Not orange right?”

“No, red”

“Phew” Justin let out a sigh of relief, “You know the red ones are the nice guys. They look scary but really they’re nice and funny. They tell the funniest jokes”

Vanessa looked over at me and I smiled, “It’s true. I didn’t know he was red I thought he was orange. We don’t even need this spray. We’ll finish it anyway though just in case anything else happens. But you know what? If he comes back all you have to do is ask him to tell you a joke and then he will and he’ll be your best friend”

She looked over at Justin and he nodded his head, “He’ll keep you up all night laughing”

“OK, come help me finish this so we can get you back to bed” I said as I picked her up and sat her on the counter, “All we have to do is add a little lemon juice and then we each have to blow on it, you go first” Vanessa blew on the bottle and then I did

“Now you Justin” Vanessa answered

“Alright” Justin smiled as he came over and blew on the bottle

“And we’re all done” I smiled, “Let’s go back to bed” I picked her up and laid her in bed, “I’ll spray everywhere”

“You missed over there”

“Alright. Did I get everywhere?” she nodded her head, “I think we’re all set. Remember if he comes back all you have to do is ask him to tell you a joke and he will. He’s a good monster. Night Booboo I love you”

“Goodnight Mommy” I kissed her forehead, “Goodnight Justin”

“Goodnight beautiful” Justin answered softly

I blew her a kiss and then closed the door, leaving it open a little, “You’re really good with her”

He smiled, “She’s a good kid, it’s easy. You’re a great mother”

“Thank you” I smiled, “I’m really sorry”

“No, don’t be sorry” Justin said as he grabbed my hands in his, “It’s not a big deal” he’s really so sweet. And he’s so good with Nessa. It scares me a little that he’s so perfect. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No” I answered softly and kissed him gently as we made our way back into my bedroom. He laid me down on the bed and slowly pulled my shirt off, kissing his way down my chest and then slowly pulled my sweatpants down. He kissed my belly button and rested his thumbs in the waist of my panties and stopped when he heard Vanessa laughing. He let a small chuckle escape and looked up at me and I laughed, “Oh my gosh” I knocked on the wall, “Booboo go to sleep”

“But he’s telling me jokes, he’s funny” she called out

“I know he is, but you need to tell him that you need to go to sleep. You have school tomorrow. Tomorrow night you can go to bed early so you can spend time with him and he can tell you jokes” she didn’t respond to me at all, “Booboo tell him”

I could hear her sigh through the wall, “Mommy says I have to go to bed. We can play tomorrow”

Justin laughed when he heard her telling the monster what I had told her to say, “Thank you. Goodnight Babe”

“Goodnight Mommy”

Justin laughed as he lay down next to me, “She really does not want us doing this does she?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just life with a five year old”

“No, it’s fine. She’s great”

I let out a sigh when I heard the beeping of my alarm clock, I reached over to turn it off but instead of hitting the clock I hit Justin in the head “Oww” he laughed

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry” I laughed as I managed to dress myself under the covers. Oh my gosh, I can’t really believe that I actually have a man in my bed, “I need to get her ready for school”

“Yeah” he smiled and pulled me closer to him and gave me a kiss, “Do you want me to help?” I shook my head, “Do you want me to hide?”

“No” I laughed, “We just had a sleepover, it’s ok. Kyle sleeps over all the time”

“Should I be worried?” he laughed

“Yeah, very worried” I smiled as I put my slippers on and walked into her room, “Wake up Booboo” I said softly and as soon as she woke up she started crying so I gave her a quick hug, “It’s ok baby”

“I’m tired. I don’t want to go”

“That’s because you were up all night laughing with your new monster friend”

“Oh yeah” she said softly, “Do I have to go though?”

“Yes ma’am” I said, “Let’s get you all cleaned up” I said as I carried her into the bathroom and helped her wash her face and brush her teeth as I did the same. “What do you want to wear?”

“My pink shirt and that skirt”

“It’s a little cold for a skirt, how about jeans?”

“OK” she said softly as I handed her the clothes, “You get changed and I’ll make breakfast” I closed the door and opened up my bedroom door to see Justin sitting at the edge of the bed, “You can come out” I laughed, “Do you like waffles?”

“Only Eggos” he smiled

“You’re in luck” I smiled as I threw them in the toaster and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge, “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah” he smiled, “I slept wonderfully,”

“Good” I smiled, “Let’s go Booboo!” I called into the other room

“I know Mommy, I’m coming” she walked out and she definitely had her shirt on backwards, “Justin’s here!”

“Yeah, he is” I smiled, “Come here and let me fix your shirt”

“I want to give him a hug first”

“Alright”

“What’s going on beautiful?” he asked with a smile

“Nothing, I just woke up”

“Yeah, me too” he laughed

“Come here” I fixed her shirt, “Sit down now, you want to buy lunch right? It’s turkey”

“Mmmhumm. Did you sleep over Justin?” oh gosh, oh gosh

“Yes, he did. Do you want orange juice or apple?”

“Orange. Justin, wanna go play Barbie’s?”

“Not now sweetie, you have to get ready”

“But I wanna play Barbie’s”

“Vanessa, you need to eat your breakfast so we’re not late” I said as I placed a plate of waffles down in front of her and then a plate in front of Justin, “I hope you like Elmo” I smiled at the plate I gave him

“I love Elmo” he smiled

“Can you come over and play later?” Vanessa asked and I caught myself looking at Justin for an answer. Not so much if he would be coming back to play with her but more if he would be coming back to play with me.

“Of course, next time I come we’ll play Barbie’s”

“Promise?”

“I promise”

“Alright Booboo, are you done?” I asked as I took the last bite of my waffle, “Let’s go do your hair”

When we finally finished getting her ready we made our way out of the apartment and to the car, “Bye Justin!” Vanessa said as she gave him a hug

“Bye sweetie, I’ll see you later” I helped Vanessa in the car and then shut the door, “So um… I’m going to go home and take a shower and I’ll see you there”

“Ok” I smiled

“Thank you for last night” he smiled, “Or yesterday in general… it was fun”

“No, thank you” I smiled, “It was fun”

“We’ll have to do it again sometime” he laughed, “I’ll see you in… an hour”

“OK” I laughed, “Thanks again”

“You’re welcome” he said as he kissed me gently, “Bye Izzy”

“Bye Justin” I smiled and then got in the car, “Ready Nessa?”

“Yeah. He’s kissed you!”

I laughed, “Yes he did”

“I like him Mommy”

“Me too Booboo”



After dropping Vanessa off at school I had enough time to run home and take a quick shower before getting to work, “Good morning Kyle” I said with a smile

“Good morning” he smiled as he took a bite from his bagel, “How was the zoo?”

“Good” I smiled as Justin walked in with coffee in his hands
“Chamomile” he said with a smile as he handed it to me, “And a double shot espresso macchiato with no foam soy milk and one and a half splenda”

“Whoa, he’s got it” I laughed, “impressive huh Kyle”

“Wow” Kyle smiled as he took it from his hand, “Thank you”

“Your very welcome” he smiled

“Thank you Justin”

“Anytime” he smiled, “I’ll see you guys later”

“You totally slept with him” Kyle said right after he left, he was hardly even gone

“Kyle, stop it”

“You did, admit it” I shook my head but couldn’t hide the smile on my face, “I knew it. You’re too happy not to have gotten laid last night. And he’s smiling too much too. How was it?” I ignored him and grabbed the pile of paperwork I had to work on, “Isabella do not ignore me”

“Can we not talk about this when he’s in the other room,” I asked softly

“He’s in the other room” he pushed the screen that the camera from his room was on over so I could see it, “See, he’s in there and he’s talking to his asshole friend and they’re talking about you. Damn we really need a microphone in there”

“Stop it”

“Maybe we can read lips”

“Kyle” I said as I put a piece of paper in front of the screen

“Calm down, I’m kidding” he laughed, “But please tell me, I need to live through you”

I laughed as I watched him beg, “What do you want details?”

“Yeah girl, of course. How big is he?”

“Stop it Kyle” I said seriously

“I’m kidding. Ha ha” he rolled his eyes, “Well I’m not really kidding, if you want to tell me go ahead” I started to say something but he cut me off, “But I know you won’t tell me so I’m kidding. He’s a good kisser I bet, huh?” I smiled and nodded my head, “but then again if you had even been kissed in the past 4 years by anyone other than your five year old daughter I might take your answer seriously”

“If you’re going to be an ass then I’m totally done talking about it”

“I’m kidding. Tell me all about it”

“We went to the zoo”

“You had sex with the rabbits?”

“Yeah, how’d you know” I said sarcastically, “It was so much fun and Vanessa loves him, he’s so good with her”

“Aww how cute, get to the good stuff”

I laughed, “Well then we came back and it was kind of late so we decided to order Chinese food”

“Yeah…”

“And then we put Vanessa to bed”

“And you had dirty sex all night?”

“No, stop” I said as I took a sip of my tea, “We kissed and then we… went to bed but then Nessa started banging on the door and she said that there were monsters under the bed. So we had to stop obviously and I went out and helped her”

“Oh god”

“And then he helped me make monster spray and we told her that it was a funny monster not a mean one”

“And then you had dirty sex all night?”

“Stop. Then we were like… ya’know and she started laughing because the monster was telling her jokes”

“Or because he’s really small”

“Shut up”

“That’s it? You’re done”

“Yes, what else is there?”

“How long did it last? Who was on top? Did he hit your spot?”

“OK, we’re done. Thanks”

“You’re such a good girl” he laughed, “I’ll get it out of you at some point, I’m not worried”

It’s been two weeks since Justin spent the night. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, lunch every day and he’s been coming over a lot at night too. But we haven’t really gone out together alone. We’re always spending the night with Vanessa. Tonight we have our first date, well our first real date. Kyle is staying with Vanessa so we will have the whole night to ourselves. I’m actually a little nervous. I don’t know why, I mean I’ve been with him before. But I also haven’t been on a date in about six years.

“Mommy, you look pretty” Vanessa said as she sat on my bed watching me put on my makeup

“Thank you Booboo” I smiled as I gave her a big kiss

“Can I come? Please?”

“No baby, I’m sorry. Next time ok?”

“But I’ll be good though, I promise”

“Oh I know” I sat down and pulled her on my lap, “I know you’ll be good. But you’re going to have so much fun with Kyle”

“Oh yeah! Kyle’s coming. We’re going to have a tea party”

“How fun” I smiled, “Let’s go see if our cookies are ready”

“Can I give one to Justin?”

“Of course Babe, which one do you want to give him? Don’t touch though they’re still hot”

“Um…” she looked over the cookies on the sheet while sucking on her finger, “That one” she said as she stuck her finger in it.

“Alright babe, I said not to touch it,” I laughed as she licked her finger

“Oh. Oops” she giggled

“Oops” I picked her up and twirled her around, “I love you baby”

“Mommy!” she screamed and giggled, “Please can I come? Please?”

“No, baby I’m sorry. Kyle really wants to see you”

“He can come too. Please Mommy?”

I shook my head as I walked over to the counter and took the cookies off the sheet, “I’ll talk to Justin and see if maybe he wants to come over tomorrow. Maybe we can have a cookout or something. That will be fun. But I have to check because he’s very busy”

“OK, ask him”

“I will,” I laughed as I handed her a cookie, and there was a nock on the door. I walked quickly to the door and saw Justin standing there smiling, holding a bouquet of flowers

“Hello” he smiled

“Hi” I smiled, “How are you?”

“Great, how are you doing?”

“Good thanks” I smiled as he kissed my forehead, “Kyle’s not here yet so come on in”

“No problem, these are for you” he handed me the flowers

“Oh, thank you, you’re so sweet. Vanessa” I called out

“Kyle’s here!” she stopped and noticed it was Justin and screamed, “JUSTIN!”

“Whoa” Justin laughed as he caught her as she jumped into his arm, “How are you doing kiddo?”

“Good. Want to play Barbie’s?”

“Vanessa please, he just got here”

“Here, this is for you” he said as he handed her a small bouquet of a few flowers

“Mommy! Look” she had the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen on her.

“I see, how nice. What do you say Babe?”

“Thank you Justin”

“You’re welcome sweetie”

“Mommy, I’ll ask him ok?” she looked at me as if she were asking him the most important question ever. I nodded my head, “Can you come over for a cookout? We’re have hot dogs and hamburgers and pizza and macaroni and chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes and watermelon and cookies and…” she paused trying to think of other things we could have at this cookout that she’s planning, “doughboys and ice cream and…chicken wings and…”

“Turkey?” Justin asked with a chuckle

“Yeah, yeah and…”

“Fried rice?”


“Mmhmm” she giggled, “Can you? Can you? Please? Please?”

“Yeah, of course. There’s no way I could turn down all that food,” Justin answered with a smile

“He said he’ll come mommy!” she screamed

“I heard Booboo, Kyle’s running late, what time were the reservations?”

“Don’t worry about it” Justin said with a smile

“Alright babe, come on. Didn’t you want to give Justin something?”

She looked at me for a second trying to remember what it was she wanted to give him. Her mouth opened wide when she realized and she ran into the kitchen. I followed her and handed her a napkin with the cookie in it that she had left her fingerprint on and then grabbed a few more for him to actually eat.

“Justin! Here, I made this for you”

“You did huh?” he laughed as he noticed the fingerprint, “Thank you, chocolate chip are my favorite. How did you know that?”

She giggled, “They’re my favorite too”

“Oh well then that’s how you knew” he laughed, “Thanks sweetie”

“Your welcome”

“Why don’t you go get your things ready for the tea party?” I suggested and she ran into the other room to set everything up, “I’ll trade you” I said as I handed Justin the other cookies

“I’ll eat this one, it’s not a big deal”

“No” I laughed, “I asked her which one she wanted to give you and she was sucking on her finger and then stuck it in that one. Don’t eat it”

“Alright then, thank you” he laughed as Kyle walked into the room.

“Sorry, sorry. Traffic” he said as he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek

“It’s cool. I mean Justin had traffic too but he planned for it,” I said with a chuckle, “Thanks Kyle”

“Your welcome Isabella. Hi Justin”

“What’s up man?”

“Where’s my girl? VANESSA!”

“Kyle!” Vanessa screamed as she ran out of the room and jumped into his arms, “Come on, we’re gonna have a tea party”

“Yes! I’ve been waiting for a tea party for so long!” he said with a
chuckle

“Thanks Kyle” I smiled, “Come here babe, give me a kiss”

“Bye Mommy” she said as she gave me a hug and a kiss, “Bye Justin” she gave him a hug

“Bye munchkin”

“Come on Kyle, our guests are waiting,” she said causing us all to laugh but she looked at us as if we were crazy.

“You be good”

“I will. Bye Mommy”

“Let’s go Mommy” Justin said as he grabbed onto my hand, “Bye guys”

When we got to the restaurant they sat us right away, even though there was a crowd of people waiting. I felt really weird walking past them, but I guess it’s just one of those things that Justin gets for being who he is. As soon as we sat down they brought us wine and appetizers before we even could order.

“Thank you” Justin said as the waitress placed the food in front of us. “Dig in”

“You don’t even have to order huh? They just bring it?” I asked with a smile

“Yeah well” he smiled, “I’m not one to complain”

“Well then” I smiled as I grabbed a piece of cheese from the platter in front of us, “What’s good here?”

“Everything. The cod and steak are my favorite”

“Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’re… Justin Timberlake” a girl said as she stood in front of our table

“I am” Justin smiled, “How are you doing?”

“I’m a huge fan. I’m sorry to bother you, but I would like always be thinking about it if I didn’t come up to you. Can I have your autograph maybe?”

“Of course sweetie” Justin said as he signed a piece of paper she handed him

“I can’t wait for your new cd to come out”

“Yeah, me neither” Justin laughed, “We’ve been working on it for awhile”

“I’m excited” she smiled, “Alright, well thank you”

“No problem sweetie, have a good night” Justin said as she walked away and grabbed a piece of cheese from the platter

“Oh… Mr. Popular”

“Yeah” he laughed, “Save room for dessert though, they have the best strawberry shortcake”

“OK” I smiled

As we ate four other girls came up to us. We were there maybe two hours total, and five girls came up to Justin to ask for pictures, autographs or just to talk to him. I know I technically should not complain and it shouldn’t bother me. I’m not worried about it; I just think it’s a little rude for them to be all over him while I’m there, obviously on a date with him.

Once we left, there were cameras following us to the car. I’ve never really gone out with him when people actually cared. I don’t know if it’s because of the places we’ve gone or what, but usually no one bothers us. A couple times someone would come up to him but it was never this serious.

“I’m sorry about this Iz” Justin said as we walked to the car

“It’s ok,” I answered softly, but the truth was I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

“Dude, seriously. I can’t even see to get to my car” Justin said to the men standing in front of us

I followed him as he opened the door to the car and let me in, then said something to the men as he walked to the other side and let himself in. He put his hand up over his face as he started the car, “I can’t even fucking see” he said under his breath

“I can’t either, they’ll move right? If you’re coming towards them?”

Justin chuckled, “I would hope so, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t. That would sell for more, a picture of me running over the asshole” I smiled when he looked over at me, “I’m so sorry Iz, I really didn’t know it would be so hectic tonight”

“It’s ok” I smiled, “Let’s just not go back there for awhile”

“Yeah. It was good though, right?”

“It was very good,” I laughed

When I woke up I felt my head throbbing and my stomach turning. I slowly opened my eyes and my headache got even bigger even though I didn’t think it was possible. The phone rang and I reached for it, closing my eyes to make my head pound a little less. “Hello?” I asked softly, as soon as I spoke I realized my throat was in trouble as well

“Hey, are you alright?” I heard Justin’s voice and he made me feel better just by hearing him.

“Um… yeah I just feel like I was run over by a bus”

I heard him chuckle, “What’s wrong?”

“My head’s pounding, my stomach hurts, I’m sweaty, my throat is killing” I paused and swallowed so my throat would hurt a little less, “I can go on”

“It’s cool” he laughed, “I was going to see if you guys wanted to do something”

“Oh, thanks though. Vanessa has a birthday party at four and I have to take her to get a present”

“Let me take her out of your hands for a little while. I’ll take her to find something and take her to the party”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m ok”

“Yeah, I can tell” he said sarcastically, “I’ll come over now and get her ready. We’ll go shopping and to the park or something then I’ll take her to the party and come over”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I’m leaving now”

“Mommy” I heard Vanessa come into my room

“Hi baby, don’t get too close I’m sick”

“Oh” she stopped in her tracks, “I’ll take care of you. Do you want some ginger ale? Does your tummy hurt?”

“Yes” I laughed as I sat up, “But I don’t want you to pour it”

“I’ll get a can, ok?”

“OK baby” I smiled as I pulled a sweatshirt over my head, I’m going from being hot and sweaty to being cold.

Vanessa came back in my room a few minutes later, “Do you want some soup baby? It will make your tummy better” Vanessa said seriously, she just loves pretending she’s the mother when I’m sick

“I’m ok thank you sweetie”

“You rest, I’ll go make breakfast”

“No no” I called out after her as she started towards the door, “Why don’t you go brush your teeth? Justin is going to come over and take you shopping for a present for Meredith”

“Really?” I nodded my head, “Yay!”

“Pick out what you want to wear and then bring it here so I can see” I said as she ran off to her room. I hate to put this all on Justin but I really could use the peace and quiet to just sleep.

I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes I saw Justin and Vanessa standing at the foot of the bed with the top of their shirts up over their noses. I laughed when I saw them and sat up, “Did you just get here?”

“A couple minutes ago” he waved with a chuckle, “We don’t want to get sick”

Vanessa giggled, “You look silly Justin”

“You look silly, Nessa” he laughed as he picked her up and placed her outside, “Give me a minute with mommy ok?”

“OK, I’ll go get ready” she said as Justin closed the door and walked over and sat down next to me

“Don’t get too close, I don’t want you to be sick”

“I’m not going to get sick” he said as he pulled the sheet away from me and gave me a quick kiss, “what do you need?”

“I’m fine”

“Soup? Popsicles? Cough Syrup?”

“Sure” I said softly, “Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver”

“Not a problem”

“There’s money in that drawer to get the present. Then take some for that stuff too, and lunch or something”

“I’ve got you covered”

“No, seriously Justin. I have the money”

“I know you do. But I got this. It’s part of the package deal” he said with a smile when he stood up, “I’m not going to call you so you can sleep but I’ll come over when I drop her off at the party”

“Thanks”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, relax ok?” I nodded my head as he kissed my forehead, “Goodnight”

When I woke up again I heard the television on. At first I thought they had forgot to turn it off but then I looked at the clock and saw it was 5 o’clock. I felt surprisingly better… well still not perfect but I didn’t feel so much like I was dying. I walked out in the living room and saw Justin watching the Lakers game, “Hey, feeling better?”

“A little” I said as I flopped down on the couch next to him, “Was she ok?”

“Yeah she was great. We got the girl one of those Build a Bear things and then went for lunch and to the playground for a little”

“Thank you so much”

“No problem, did you sleep all day?”

I nodded my head, “This is my first time up”

“Whoa” he laughed, “Good, you probably needed that”

“Yeah, I guess” I said as I rested my head on his shoulder, “What am I going to do when you’re gone?” There was only a week before he was leaving for his three-month tour and just the thought of it made me feel sick to my stomach.

“You’ll manage. The question is more what I’m going to do when I’m gone. I think you guys have a better chance at making it than I do” he said with a smile, “But I don’t want to talk about that now. You’ll come visit and… Kyle will give you some time off right?”

“Yeah, but I can’t take her out of school”

“Maybe just a Friday or something and you can come for the weekend. And she has vacation coming up right?” I nodded my head, “Don’t start worrying about that. It’ll go by fast. We’ll figure it out, I promise”

We sat quietly for the next hour and a half watching a movie. Just being with him makes me feel so much better.

When he came back from picking Vanessa up I could hear them coming up the steps, “I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to… MOVE IT!!!” They both sang as they came into the apartment

“Mommy!” Vanessa called as she came running over to me, “I like to move it, move it,” she continued singing and dancing

“What did he teach you?” I asked with a chuckle

“We were singing and dancing, and he’s a good dancer you know. The other Mommies said he was the best dancer EVER”

“Whoa” I laughed

“All the kids were dancing when I got there and Vanessa wanted me to join in” he said with a chuckle, “It was fun”

“It was so much fun Mommy. And look what I got!” she said as she pulled one of those build a bear packages from a bag Justin was holding, “This is Fluffy, she’s my new best friend” she pulled the bear from the box and I looked at Justin, he should not have bought her that. He looked at me, shrugged and gave me a half smile, “And this is her hat… look it has her name on it. And this is her sunglasses and her socks, and we got two different clothes in case she wants to go to a party of if she wants to go swimming. See the towel? And this is her backpack. And in here there’s her princess stuff, see?”

“Alright, Ness” Justin said as he grabbed the backpack from her, “I told you not to tell your mother”

“Oh. Oops”

“Yeah, oops” Justin laughed, “Why don’t you go put it in your room?”

“Justin” I spoke up when she was gone

“It really wasn’t that much”

“But you were supposed to get something for Meredith not for Vanessa”

“I know, but she really wanted one”

I smiled; it’s kind of adorable that he couldn’t turn her down, “That must have cost a fortune”

“It wasn’t that bad” he smiled

“And look” Vanessa said as she came back out with more things, “Her purse, and look I have one too! And look what’s in mine” she pulled something out, “It’s a pawsport. Get it?” she giggled even though I’m pretty sure she doesn’t get it herself, “And I get it stamped every time I go to the store. Right Justin?” he nodded his head, “Cool huh mommy?”

“Yes, very cool. I think you bought the whole store”

“Nah, we left a couple things” Justin chuckled.

“Did you say thank you?”

“I already did”

“Maybe you should say it again. You owe Justin a lot of thank you’s for all of this”

“Thank you Justin” she gave him a hug

“Your welcome sweetheart”

As the weeks passed things seemed to slow down a little with Justin. He stopped recording at the studio so I didn’t get to see him during the day. And he’s been busy getting his album together I really didn’t get to see him too much in general. I felt as if it were cooling off and maybe the best had already come and gone.

I know he’s busy. He’s trying to put a whole record together. He’s getting ready to tour the country for three months. He has to put a whole show together. But it seemed like everything was so great at first and he was really into it. Even when he was so busy he found time to call. Now he still calls, not as much but at least he still calls. But it seems like all he has to talk about is what’s going on with his tour and all of that.

It was the night of Justin’s release party and I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before in my life. This is so clearly not my scene. I’m nowhere near as confident or beautiful as all the people that will be there. I feel like I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb.

“I absolutely love how you get to go out to these big Hollywood parties and I get to stay at home and watch your daughter”

“Stop Kyle, I already feel bad”

“I’m kidding” he smiled, “I am super jealous but I love you anyway. And you look beautiful”

“So sweet” I laughed as I grabbed a plate from the counter, “Come on Booboo, dinner’s ready”

“You are not serving macaroni and cheese in that dress’ he grabbed it from me, “Just leave, I’ll take care of it”

“Thank you so much Kyle. Seriously”

“Your welcome darling. Have fun ok? Don’t worry about her. We’ll be fine. Just relax, think of him and have lots of sex”

I laughed as I helped Vanessa into her chair, “Alright Booboo, I’m leaving”

“Bye Mommy!” she smiled and gave me a big hug, “I wanted to tell Justin something… are you ready?” I nodded my head, “Tell him that I think he has nice eyes and that… I like pizza”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kyle laughed

“Oh Booboo you’re silly” I laughed

“Tell him, don’t forget”

“Alright babes, give me a kiss. And I will see you tomorrow. Thanks again Kyle. I love you!”

“Bye Mommy! I love you more!”



I have never seen anything like this before. It was the big red curtains hanging from the ceiling that I first noticed when I walked into the club. Then there were the huge ice sculptures and the hundreds of people standing around drinking champagne. I turned around in circles trying to take everything in, the lights, the smells; I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

“You look lost” I turned around to see Tim, Justin’s asshole friend, handing me a glass of champagne

“Hi” I smiled as I took it from his hands

“Hey, J wanted me to keep an eye out for you. He had to go do an interview with Rolling Stone but he should be done soon” I nodded my head, “How are you doing?’

“I’m good thank you, how are you?”

“Good, I’m good”

“Are you excited to see all your hard work?”

“Yes, definitely” he smiled, “You look great by the way”

“Oh, thank you” ok so maybe he’s not as big of an asshole as I thought. I think it was just because he was always quiet or something.

“Ahh, you made it” I felt Justin’s hand on my waist and turned around

“I made it”

“You look… amazing”

“Thank you” I smiled before he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. I swear I still feel weak in the knees every time he kisses me. I also see flashes of light… oh no wait, those were actual camera flashes

Justin laughed and then turned me around so my back was to the cameras, “Sorry, I should have warned you about that”

“Yes. Why are they taking our picture?”

“You’re just so beautiful they want to show the world”

“Oh is that it?” I asked with a smile

“Definitely” he smiled, “How’s Vanessa?”

“Good. Oh she wanted me to tell you that she thinks you have nice eyes and she likes pizza”

He laughed, “Tell her I said thank you and I like pizza too”

“I will” I smiled, “So this is quite the party”

“Yeah, we’re trying” he said with a chuckle. OK, I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton just walked by, and Lindsay Lohan. Oh my gosh, that’s Samuel L Jackson, “You ok?”

“Yeah, it’s just…”

“A little star struck?” he asked with a chuckle

“No it’s just… oh my gosh, that’s Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts”

He laughed and turned his head, “Julia Roberts. You’re very right. Do you want to meet her?” I shook my head, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, positive” he gave me a look as if he didn’t believe me

“Alright” he grabbed onto my hand, “If you change your mind let me know. There is someone I do want you to meet though”

“OK. Who?”

Justin looked at me and smiled, “My mother”

“What?” I stopped, “No, no no”

“What?” he laughed

“You didn’t tell me your mother was going to be here”

“Because I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t have come” he paused, “Of course my mother is going to be here, it’s my release party”

“I can’t meet her, no”

“What? Baby” he pulled me over to a quiet corner, “I really want you to meet her. She really wants to meet you. Please?”

“You should have told me she was going to be here. I would have worn a different dress and…”

“Izzy stop. She’s going to love you. She’s a cool Mom, I promise”

“Fine” he does seem like it’s really important to him that I meet her, “Let me just run to the bathroom and fix my hair”

“You’re beautiful, don’t change anything”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“She’s going to love you”

“But what if she doesn’t? She’s like a good southern mother and I’m like… with child”

“Would you stop with that? It’s not a big deal. You’re always afraid everyone cares so much about that. Vanessa is a wonderful girl and anyone would be lucky to spend time with her. We’re not in the 1950s anymore, it’s not a big deal” he said holding onto my hands and looking into my eyes, “She’s going to be mad if I keep her waiting, are you ready?”
I nodded my head and he kissed my forehead, “Don’t be nervous” he said as he grabbed onto my hand and lead me to his mother, “Mom” she turned around with a bright smile on her face and a glass of wine in her hand. Her strawberry blonde curly hair was down to her shoulders and the blue top she was wearing made her eyes look as blue as the sky, “This is Izzy”

I smiled because I didn’t know what else to do, “It’s so nice to meet you”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so glad to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you, Justin talks about you all the time”

“You’re not supposed to tell her that” Justin said with a chuckle as he wrapped his arm around my waist, “Thanks Mom” he said sarcastically

“But it’s true” she smiled, “How are you doing sweetie?”

“I’m good”

“You look beautiful, I love that dress,” she’s pretty adorable. She’s not one of those intimidating mothers, which is pretty impressive.

“I have to go get ready” Justin said before whispering into my ear, “Are you going to be alright?” I nodded my head, “Alright, I’ll see you later” he kissed me gently, then kissed his mother’s cheek and left us alone.

“Should we sit?” she asked as I nodded my head and sat down next to her, “So you work at the studio?”

“Yes” I smiled. “My best friend owns it so it works out well”

“That’s great” she smiled, “So you can kind of make your own hours?”

“Yes” I laughed, “I can take advantage of it as much as I want”

“And you have a daughter right? Vanessa?” she still had a smile on her face. I’m surprised it’s still there. I would think she wouldn’t like the fact that her son is getting involved with someone like me with a child, “How old is she?”

“Five” I smiled

“Aww, how adorable. Do you have pictures?”

“Of course I have pictures” I laughed as I grabbed my cell phone from my bag, “Just on my phone, but…” I said as I handed her my phone

“Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful. She looks just like you Izzy. How beautiful”

“Thank you”

“Aww” she laughed as she looked at one picture of Vanessa covered in frosting

“Yeah” I laughed, “She loves cupcakes”

“She’s adorable. I would love to meet her. I’m here for a few days; you should bring her over to Justin’s tomorrow to swim. We could grill, it will be fun”

“Um sure”

“OK, Booboo conference time” I said as I parked the car in Justin’s driveway and Vanessa crawled up to the front with me, “You are going to be on your best behavior. Got it?”

“Got it”

“And you’re going to listen to me. When I say it’s time to go it’s time to go. If you give me problems then we won’t come back”

“I won’t mommy, I just wanna go swimming”

“I know you do” I laughed as I fixed her hair, “Ready Freddy?”

“That’s not my name silly”

“It’s not? Are you sure?”

“Yes” Vanessa laughed as we walked to the door. I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.

“JUSTIN!!!!” Vanessa screamed when he came to the door and ran into his arms, you would think she hadn’t seen him in months

“What’s up Ness?” he asked as he twirled her around in his arms, “What’s going on Izzy?” he asked before kissing me gently

“Good Morning”

“Come on, let’s go swimming!” Vanessa said as she grabbed onto Justin's hand and pulled him towards the pool

“Baby, calm down, we have all day” I said as I followed them into the kitchen

“Well, hello sweetie” Justin’s mother spoke

“Hi, we’re going swimming” she said still pulling Justin through the kitchen

“Hold on Ness, I’m not even in my bathing suit yet”

She stopped and dropped his hand, “Go get changed!”

“Alright, slow down baby” I said as I placed the bag in the corner, “Come here” Vanessa came to me and I walked over to Justin’s mother. “Vanessa, this is Justin’s Mommy, and this is my daughter Vanessa”

“Well it’s so nice to meet you darling”

“Not uh, you’re not Justin’s Mommy”

“Yes she is” Justin laughed

“Not uh. You don’t have a mommy, you’re too old”

“Everyone has a mommy silly” I laughed

“Who’s your mommy then?”

“You know who my mommy is silly” I said as I tried to change the subject quickly. I honestly don’t know if she even remembers who my mother is. The truth is she hasn’t seen my mother since she was two, and even then it was only the fourth or fifth time. Once we moved out here we’ve never heard from her, and we’ve never talked about her either, that’s for sure. I find it a little weird that they don’t even care that I’m gone. Well, I don’t care about me I’m more concerned about the fact that they never once called to ask about Vanessa. But it’s ok, I don’t need to worry about that now, we’re doing just fine without them.

“You’re so darling Vanessa. You look just like your mommy”

“Do you want to go swimming Justin’s mommy?”

“I do” she laughed, “Do you have your suit on already?”

“Mmhmm”

“Baby let me get changed and then we’ll go in,” I said as I grabbed my bag

“I’ll take her in, if that’s ok. I don’t mind” Lynn spoke up

“Are you sure? I’ll only be a minute, she can wait”

“No, of course. You’re fine. Take your time. Does she have any sunscreen?”

“It’s already on”

“Can she swim?” Lynn asked with a laugh

“I can swim really good,” Vanessa said quickly

“Yes, she is an amazing swimmer. But we have these floaties” I said as I looked through the bag and then looked at Justin who was already blowing the arm floats up, “Thank you”

“Yeah” he smiled as he threw one of them at me

“Alright Booboo, are you ready?” I asked as I put them over her arms

“Yup!” she screamed as she grabbed onto Justin’s mother’s hand, “Come on Justin’s Mommy, let’s jump in!”

“I’ll be out in a minute”

“Take your time” Lynn smiled as she walked with Vanessa outside.

“She loves her, come on let’s get ready” Justin smiled as he grabbed onto my hand and brought me upstairs, “Oh please tell me your brought that sexy red bikini”

I laughed as I held it up. He loves this bikini, I’m not quite sure why. It’s cute, I mean it has like one of those cute ruffle bottoms, “What’s the big deal with it?”

“Your ass is like… absurd in them”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Amazingly good” he laughed as he closed the door to his room, “Your ass is amazing all the time but in those it’s just… out of control” he moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and began kissing my neck

“Justin…”

“Mmhmm?”

“You’re mother…”

“Is outside in the pool with your daughter” he finished the sentence for me, “She would never come into the house wet. So that’s another 30 minutes to dry off” he said as he began to kiss the other side of my neck, “Plenty of time…”

“I hate to leave her alone with Vanessa, it’s not fair”

“She wants to be alone with her. I’m not taking no for an answer” he said with a smile as he turned me around and kissed me passionately on the lips and I fell into him. There’s no saying no to him.


**
I held my hair up and Justin stood behind be tying up my bikini top. He kissed my back before turning me around and kissing me gently on the lips, “All set”

“I hope they’re ok”

“They’re fine” he pulled me over to the window and I watched Vanessa jump into the water and Lynn catch her, “I think you got yourself a new babysitter”

I laughed as he grabbed onto my hand and walked downstairs, “You’re going right in right?” he gave me a mischievous smile and then picked me up and jumped in with me in his arms.

“Nice Justin” I laughed as I splashed water in his face

“Mommy!” Vanessa yelled as she came swimming over to me

“Did you have fun with Justin’s Mommy?”

“Mmmhmm” she giggled as I pulled her around in the water

“Justin!” she let go of me and swam over to him, “Throw me! Throw me!”

He laughed as he picked her up, “One, two, three” and he threw her into the water

She giggled, “Again!”

“She’s just darling” Lynn said as she came over to me

“Oh, thank you. Thanks for watching her”

“Of course, she’s so sweet. She’s not shy at all”

“No, she’s not” I laughed, “I don’t know if that’s good or not”

“As long as she doesn’t talk to strangers,” she laughed

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about”

“Let’s race!” I heard Vanessa

“Oh, you think you can beat me?” Justin asked and Vanessa nodded her head, “Yeah right, let’s go. Count us down,” he said as he acted like he was getting ready to race in the Olympics.

Vanessa laughed at him, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLASTOFF!”

“He’s so good with her”

“Yes” Lynn laughed, “He’s always been like that. Whenever we’re home with the whole family at Christmas or something he’s at the kids table and playing with the kids the whole time”

I smiled as I watched him loose to my daughter. He’s too perfect. I’m waiting for something to happen to make this fairy tale end.

I took a deep breath as I pulled the brush through my hair. I looked in the mirror and fixed my lip gloss, then the black top I was wearing. I’m so nervous it’s ridicules. Things are really moving fast with Justin. I guess that’s a good thing but I’m honestly not too sure. I’m not good with relationships, especially not with celebrities. He doesn’t seem like a celebrity though. When we’re together it’s just like he’s a normal person. But when we go out people always treat him differently, people stare and ask for autographs. It’s just weird.

“Mommy” I heard Vanessa come into the room

“Vanessa” I smiled as she sat on my bed

“You look pretty”

“Aww, thank you Booboo”

“You’re welcome” she smiled, “Can I come? I’ll be good”

“No sweetie. Kyle is coming to play with you and you’re going to order a pizza”

“But I want Justin to come. I miss him”

“You miss him? Baby you just saw him a couple days ago” she really is falling in love with him and that scares me a little. I don’t want her to get too attached. After we met his mother it seemed like things were getting to another level so I tried to separate myself from it as much as possible.

“I miss him,” she pouted, “I know! Maybe he can come play tomorrow because there’s no school ya’know?”

“We’ll see hunny, he’s very busy”

“I know but he likes to come play with me. Maybe I can come with him to work”

She really has no idea what he does. Justin has been really busy because he’s in rehearsal for his tour that he’s going to be leaving for in two weeks, “I’m sure you’ll get to see him soon”

“I like him Mommy. He’s my favorite”

“I know baby” I said softly as I played with her hair

“Can I wear some lipstick?”

“Alright” I laughed as I put the lip gloss on her, “You are so beautiful”

“I want to show Justin” oh my gosh, I hate that everything goes back to him with her.

“Alright, let’s go” I said as I grabbed her in my arms, “I bought some cookie mix maybe Kyle can help you make some cookies”

“Yeah! I want to make a big one for me and one for you and one for Justin”

“What about Kyle?”

“Kyle can share mine… no I’ll share with Justin”

“That’s nice of you”

“I love Justin that’s why. Are they chocolate chip because he said that’s his favorite?”

“Yes ma’am” I said as I gathered up her coloring books, “Oh, remember we bought those new paints? Maybe if you’re good Kyle will paint with you”

“Yeah!” she shouted, “I want to make Justin a picture so when he comes back after you come home he can see it. Is he going to sleep over?”

“I don’t know” please stop talking about him. Before I knew it Kyle walked into the apartment, thank god maybe she’ll stop talking about him now.

“Hey babe” Kyle said as he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Don’t you look fabulous”

“Thank you” I smiled, “I’ll order the pizza now. There’s things to make cookies if you want and there’s paints too”

“Fun” he said as he threw Vanessa on the couch, “Where are you guys going?”

“I don’t know what we’re doing”

“When’s he leaving?”

“Shh, she doesn’t know” I whispered, “Two weeks”

“Aww” he laughed, “Are you staying at his house?”

“No, I’ll be home”

“OK, if you change your mind just let me know, I can stay over”

“Thanks”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah” I smiled and gave him a hug, “Thanks for doing this”

“You’re welcome. Where is he? It’s a little late huh?” I looked over at the clock to see it was seven o’clock. I thought the reservations were at seven.

“Yeah” I said after ordering the pizza, “I’m sure he’s on his way”

“Speak of the devil” Kyle said as there was a nock on the door

“I’m sorry I’m late. I got held up at rehearsal and there was traffic”

“It’s ok” I smiled, “Come here Booboo, I’m leaving”

“Justin!!!!!!!!!!!” she said as she jumped into his arms, “I missed you. Can you come over and play tomorrow?”

He laughed, “Yeah sweetie we’ll see”

“Alright Booboo, give me kiss. And I’ll see you later. Make sure you’re good for Kyle alright?”

“I will be. Bye mommy! Bye Justin!”

“Bye sweetie” Justin said as I grabbed my purse and he followed me outside

“I’m sorry I’m so late. The traffic was unbelievable, I know that’s not an excuse but they kept me late and…”

“Justin calm down, it’s ok” I smiled as he grabbed onto my hand

“I know, I just don’t want you to think I’m slacking off or something” he laughed

“I don’t”

“Alright then” he smiled as he opened the door to his car for me and quickly walked around. I feel like something is about to go wrong with him soon. I don’t know why, he’s just almost perfect. Like, he opens the door for me and he loves Vanessa, and he treats me like a princess. I’ve never had anyone treat me that way before in my life. It’s not that I don’t like the attention because I do, it’s just weird. I don’t know why he’s with me. I mean, honestly he could have any girl so why is he with me? A twenty four year old with a five year old daughter, “I didn’t even kiss you”

I laughed as he stopped at a red light and leaned over to give me a kiss, “Thank you”

“Thank you” he smiled. We didn’t say too much as we drove to the restaurant but he did hold my hand the whole time. It’s weird with him, sometimes it’s better just to stay with him and neither of us says anything.

He held onto my hand as we walked to the restaurant. There were a couple guys with cameras following us around and taking pictures every three feet we walked. This is the first time they’ve really followed us. I mean, a few times there were pictures of us in a magazine or something but we didn’t know they were following us. But now they’re just outside in front of us not even trying to hide, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they’d be here”

“It’s not your fault” I said after walking into the restaurant. I feel so stupid when people follow us; I’m just a girl from Nebraska who works at a recording studio. People met us at the door and led us to the table right away, even though we were a half an hour late. Justin pulled out the chair for me, “Thank you”

“And they got you the flowers” he smiled at the flowers waiting at the table

“That’s sweet, thank you”

“You’re very welcome” he smiled, “How’s Vanessa?”

“Good, she has a birthday party Sunday”

“Another birthday party? She’s quite the popular one I see”

“Yeah” I smiled

“Are you nervous?” I nodded my head

“No. I think she’ll be alright, it’s at Chuck E Cheeses so hopefully she’ll forget that I’m not there”

“She’ll be fine”

“Yeah, I’m sure she will. Did your mother get back ok?”

“Yes she just left Wednesday”

“She had fun?”

“Oh yeah. She loves you” I smiled as he continued, “She wouldn’t stop talking about you”

“Oh, she’s sweet”

“And she wouldn’t stop talking about Vanessa either and how well behaved she is”

“Well she should have seen her yesterday and she wouldn’t have said that” I laughed, “How’s everything with you and rehearsal?”

“Pretty good. Just a lot of work, I haven’t danced in awhile so it’s a little tiring. I’ve been slacking with working out and everything I should have been working on it while I was recording”

“Do you have all your dancers and everything?”

“Yeah. I hate picking them though because it’s so much more than just how well they can dance. I mean, they can dance, the dances aren’t that difficult, it’s more like who isn’t going to drive you crazy when you’re on tour for three months” he laughed slightly, “I’m not good with hanging around them all the time. I like people that can be on their own”

“That’s nice” I laughed

“No, no” he laughed, “I just don’t want people that follow me around the whole time, and I like to do my own thing”

“Like what?”

“Sleep. Watch TV”

“Party”

“Nah. I’m pretty low key on tour. It’s a lot of work going out there every night, I like to just relax, do what I have to do, and go to bed”

“Do you like touring? It must be fun to visit all the states and everything”

“Yeah I guess. I don’t know, it’s kind of one of those things that is good for a couple weeks but then you’re done. I mean, it’s not like I get to actually see too much of the places I’m going. But it’s part of the job” he said as he took a sip of water in front of him, “And I don’t really like the whole being away from everyone thing either” he paused, “But enough about that”

“Hi, I’m Michelle and I’ll be your waitress” the young girl said as she came over to our table. She was nervous, it was obvious, I’m pretty sure she was a big fan of Justin’s because she looked like she was going to faint, “Can I start you off with a drink?”
“We’ll have a bottle of the Pinot”

“Alright, I’ll be back then” she smiled

“So what are your plans for the weekend? Besides that party Sunday” Justin smiled

“I have to go grocery shopping and find a present for Vanessa to give away too”

“Nice” he smiled, “If you guys aren’t too busy you should come over tomorrow and come swimming. I’ll be at the studio until around two so maybe you can get your stuff done before that” I nodded my head, “I haven’t seen Vanessa since last week.”

“Justin” I heard a voice and looked up to see a girl with long brown hair standing in front of us.

“Whoa, look at you, what’s up Ashlee?”

“How are you?” she asked as Justin stood up and gave her a hug. She’s definitely one of those girls that makes every guys head turn when she walks into a room. I mean, the fact that she’s dressed like a whore doesn’t help. I’m getting jealous, but it’s true. She’s wearing a skirt so short that if she would bend over she would show everybody her perfect butt. Not to mention her tank top, with her fake boobs ready to pop out any second.

“Good, I’m good. This is Izzy, Izzy this is Ashlee, she used to dance with me”

“How are you Hun?” she asked and shook my hand, although she did give me a dirty look. I hate when people call me Hun. I hate that word in general, it always seems like they think they’re better or something. I’m not your Hun.

“Are you still dancing?”

“Yeah. A little, I mean I’m trying to do the whole acting thing too”

“Oh yeah, cool. I was wondering why I didn’t see you at auditions”

“I know for the tour right? I’m working on this movie thing, it’s nothing big, just an indie but it’s something. But then I heard you were going on tour and I was so mad that I couldn’t come. We had so much fun last time” she smiled. So much for him not wanting to tour with people he actually had to hang out with. It seems like they’ve hung out quite a bit themselves.

“Yeah it’s cool. I see how it is”

“No, you know I wish I could come” she said as she rested her hand on his shoulder, “That was the best tour I’ve done. Remember in Nashville?” she laughed

“Yeah, I remember Nashville” he joined in laughing. I just sat there hoping she would leave. I don’t remember Nashville. I wasn’t there please move on to something else.

“Alright, I’m sorry for barging into your date here”

“Oh no, it’s ok” Justin said and I smiled, trying to act like it was ok although obviously I want her to leave quickly

“I’ll see you soon babe” she said as she gave him another hug, “Good luck with the tour, keep in touch”

“I will Ashlee, it was good to see you”

“You too. Nice to meet you Lizzy” It’s Izzy whore. She knows that.

“You too” I smiled as she walked away

“It’s weird you always run into everyone when you’re out”

“Yeah”

“She was on the last tour with me. She’s a good dancer” I nodded my head, “But yeah, do you know what you’re getting?”

“I’ve never had gelato before” I said as we stopped in this cute little gelato shop on the beach

“It’s amazing. Better than ice cream”

“No way” I smiled, “I want to try the lemon one”

“Alright then” Justin smiled at the lady working, “We want one lemon and one strawberry”

“Sure thing” she smiled at Justin. What is it with everyone flirting with him today? I know it’s not just me and I’m not just being jealous. They really are flirting with him as if he was out with his boys and he wasn’t out with a girl. But they don’t care about that because he’s Justin Timberlake. If he weren’t famous and he was just a normal guy no one would flirt with him when we’re out. Even if he looked the exact same and carried himself the same way he does they wouldn’t flirt because it’s not polite to flirt with someone when they are clearly on a date. But they don’t care about that because he’s Justin Timberlake

“Thank you sweetie,” he said as he paid her, “It’s good right?”

“It is very good” I smiled as he grabbed onto my hand, “Good idea”

“Thank you” he kissed my forehead as we walked down the beach, and then quickly noticed we were being followed, “Oh shit. What do you want to do?”

I shrugged but I know he could tell it was bothering me that they were taking our picture. It’s not that big of a deal that they’re actually taking my picture; I just don’t want it to be in the papers across the country. And then they write bad things about me.

“Yeah, let’s go” he said as we walked back to his car, “I’m sorry, they’re everywhere today”

“It’s ok”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah”

“Ok” he said softly as he drove me back to the apartment, “So um… I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”

“I don’t know” I answered softly, already feeling my stomach twist in knots. I do want to see him again but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I mean, Vanessa is already obsessed with him and we haven’t even been together that long. What happens if we break up? It will break her heart. Then there’s the fact that every girl is madly in love with him. I know he’s a good guy and everything but when the temptation is there and he’s away on tour and there are all these beautiful girls throwing themselves at him, why would he hold back for the mother at home? It doesn’t make any sense. “It depends on what time we wake up and everything. I have a lot of errands to run”

“Whenever you’re done” he said as he turned the car off, “Or we could get together later and watch a movie or something” he paused waiting for a response but I couldn’t even look at him, “What’s going on Izzy?”

“Nothing I just… I don’t think tomorrow is good”

“Sunday?”

“The party”

“Monday?”

“I told Kyle that I’d stay late and help him clean up everything at the studio”

“Tuesday?”

“Vanessa has a bake sale on Wednesday and she put me down for seven dozen brownies”

“Ok. When then?”

I took a deep breath, still unable to look at him. I don’t even know what I’m doing. I could easily go over to his house tomorrow, and Sunday, and Monday and Tuesday but there was just some part of me telling me not to. I’m scared. That’s the truth. I’m scared that he’s going to hurt me. “I don’t know”

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” he waited for me to answer but I didn’t, “Izzy, please”

“I just… I don’t know if we should be hanging out that much”

He didn’t say anything at first, and I finally gained the courage to look at him but he was looking straight ahead, “Why?”

“Justin please”

“No, you need to tell me why. You can’t just out of nowhere tell me that you want to stop dating. It’s out of nowhere Izzy. We’ve been doing great, you met my fucking mother” he’s getting angry now, “Why?”

“I don’t know I just… Vanessa is really falling in love with you”

“That’s a good thing”

“I know it is but… I don’t… I don’t date. Like she’s never met anyone that I’ve hung out with like that. Because I don’t want her to get attached and she’s getting attached to you. I mean, she talks about you all the time”

“Baby, I don’t see what the problem is”

“Well what if we break up?”

“You are breaking up with me because you’re afraid we might break up?” ok it sounds a lot different when he puts it that way and it’s not just in my head

“I don’t want her to get real attached and then we break up and she’s really going to miss you”

“Who says we’re going to break up?”

“You’re going on tour for three months”

“So what? You guys can come for the weekend and stuff and I have time off that I can get away”

“You’re young. And you should be able to have fun when you’re on tour. You should be able to stay out late and party and meet girls and take advantage of the situation instead of worrying about me and my daughter while you’re on the other side of the country”

“So that’s what this is all about”

“What?”

“You think that I’m going to hook up with girls when I’m on tour”

“No, I didn’t say that. I’m just saying you’re young and you should have fun”

“I’m three months older than you”

“But I have a daughter. She’s my daughter, my responsibility. I have to stay home and I have to take care of her but you don’t and you shouldn’t. So many girls would give anything to be with you and you should be able to go out and party instead of staying home with me and Vanessa making Monster Spray”

“I like doing that. If I didn’t like spending time with you and Vanessa I wouldn’t spend time with you”

“But you need to have fun”

“I am having fun. Listen, Izzy, I’ve had my fun. I’ve gone to the parties, I’ve experienced all that shit and I’m over it. I can’t have any girl that I want I can have any whore that I want. I’m done with that. I’m a twenty five year old man; I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hooking up with random girls. I’m ready to move past that, it’s not fun to me anymore. I’m not looking for one night stands I’m looking long term here. You are long term. You’re not just some girl that I’ll never see again, honestly I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t see you again. You can ask my mother she could tell the difference as soon as she met you. Please do not end this because you think I’m settling for something. I want this more than anything. I love you Izzy” I chose to ignore the fact that he just said those three words to me and quickly opened the door, “Why are you running from this?”

“I have to go Justin, I’ll call you tomorrow”

I walked quickly into my apartment praying that Vanessa was already in bed. I can’t cry in front of her and I don’t think I can hold it in long enough to get past her. I went right into my room and fell onto the bed, “Whoa, what’s going on?” Kyle came into the room

“Nothing, just tired” I said as I pulled my dress off and put on a pair of pajama pants and a hoodie, “Was she ok?”

“Yeah, she was fine. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Thanks for watching her”

“Oh my gosh Iz are you really going to make me ask you a third time?”

“Nothing I’m just tired. Please just leave it at that”

He nodded his head and pulled me into a tight hug. Kyle really is an amazing friend. I mean, I know he gets annoying and he is sometimes a little too divaish but he’ll do anything for us. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, go home. I’ll call you tomorrow”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just need to be alone. Thanks though Kyle”

“Alright” he kissed my forehead, “I don’t have to beat him up do I?”

“No” I laughed slightly

“Good because I don’t know… I kinda think he could take me” he laughed, “I’ll call you in the morning”

“Alright, bye thanks” as Kyle left I fell back down on the bed. I really wish I knew what I was doing. Justin is really a good guy. It’s not really fair that I expect him to screw up; it’s just that I’ve been hurt a lot in the past and I feel like everyone is out to hurt me. I mean, if Vanessa’s father cheated on me while I was pregnant with his child then what’s stopping Justin? Justin is like a hundred times more gorgeous than Chris, plus he has the personality that Chris never had. And Chris did not have millions of girls dreaming about him every night. But Chris managed to cheat. It would be so easy for Justin to hook up with someone else and I would never even know.

But he did say he loves me. Most people don’t just throw those three words around. But then again Chris also told me he loved me, right after coming home from cheating on me or right before he went out. He really ruined me forever. I hate that. Why can’t life be easy? Why do I have so much damn baggage?

I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and then heard it creek open. I looked up to see Justin standing there and I pulled the hood over my head, “I’m really tired’

“Yeah me too, tell me about it. I had nine hours straight of dancing” he said as he stretched his arms over his head, then go home and go to bed.

“Then go to bed” I said softly

“OK” he said as he sat down on the other side of the bed and took off his shoes

“Justin”

“I’m not leaving until we talk. It’s not good to go to bed mad at each other”

“I’m not mad at you”

“Well I’m mad at you” he said as he pulled the covers over him and wrapped his arms around me

“Why are you making this so hard?”

“Why are you acting like it’s not? You can’t just break up with me out of nowhere and expect me to just go home and never talk to you again”
I have so many problems. As soon as things start to look good for me I do something and screw them up. But I still don’t get why Justin is here. Most people would be scared of me and just back off because I have so many damn issues, “Can you at least look at me?” I turned around so I was now facing him but I didn’t look at him, “Baby, look at me” he said softly as he moved the hood from my face and there was no hiding my tear stained face, “Why are you crying?” he wiped my tears

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s going on. Let’s talk”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m just so screwed up”

“You are” Justin said with a cute smile on his face

“Thanks” I laughed slightly

“But it’s ok” he laughed, “We’re all screwed up a little bit”

“I’m screwed up a lot”

“Yeah” he smiled, “You want to talk?”

“No” I shook my head

“OK, we’ll just cuddle then” Justin said as he wrapped his arms around me. “Just cuddle” he said as he placed his head on my chest, “Cuddle”

“Stop” I whined, “Come on” I laughed

“We’re cuddling” Justin laughed as he moved his head away, “I want to talk you don’t want to talk, I want to cuddle you don’t want to cuddle” I pulled my hood back over my head, “Can we talk?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know… the weather…” he answered sarcastically, “About why you’re planning on breaking up with me” I hid in my hood once again and he pulled it down, “Tell me why you’re so scared” he whispered

“Justin I have issues”

“I know you do but you need to tell me what they are so I can help you get over them”

“I don’t want to bore you”

“I want to be bored” he said seriously as he grabbed my hands in his, “Is it about Vanessa’s father?” I licked my lips and nodded my head, “Tell me”

“I haven’t told you anything about him” he shook his head, “I don’t tell anyone about him because I don’t want to remember him, but I do. I always will and it kills me. He’s ruined me forever. I can’t trust anymore, I can’t let people into my life” I felt the tears coming down my face again. I’ve never cried in front of anyone before, except Michelle Kimmel in third grade when she broke my Barbie. She made fun of me for so long and ever since then I would never cry in front of anyone, not my best friends or even my parents. But for some reason I wasn’t embarrassed crying in front of Justin. I knew he wouldn’t make fun of me and I knew that he just wanted to help. “Chris and I dated in high school. We like… fell in love or whatever, I thought it was love. Looking back it was not love. It wasn’t lust. It was nothing even remotely close to love. It was just attention. OK, I have to tell you about my parents, see I have so many problems I don’t even know where to start”

“Start wherever you want. You can go back and forth, I’ll keep up”

“Ok, my parents… I’m from a really small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everybody else’s business. And it’s really important for my family that everyone thinks that we’re a perfect little family. They’re not perfect, they have so many problems”

“Every family has problems”

“Yeah but… my dad really drinks a lot and he’d hit my mother and…” I paused because just talking about that makes me break down. It shouldn’t still get to me the way it does, I haven’t even seen him in four years but it’s still on my brain.

“Did he hit you?” I nodded my head, “Oh God baby, I’m so sorry”

“No, it’s not even that big of a deal”

“Are you kidding? That’s a big deal”

“Well my mother had problems too and she just wanted everyone to think we were a perfect family but I mean obviously we weren’t. And it killed me that she just sat there and let him hit her and let him hit me and she never did anything. I’m the only kid and I was a mistake, I mean they told me that pretty much every day of my life”

“They told you that?”

“Yeah. All the time” I said softly, “So I met Chris in high school and I thought it was love because he paid attention to me and he made me feel special. And at first it was really special I mean, he was nice to me. When you’re so used to everyone treating you like shit it only takes the slightest thing to make you feel special. So we dated in high school and he helped me escape from my parents all the time. He understood me, or at least I thought he did. I was eighteen when I got pregnant with Vanessa. He wanted me to get an abortion but I would never ever be able to live with myself if I did that. And I think I knew that if I had child I would have at least one person in this world that I knew would love me” I can’t believe I’m telling him all this. He held tightly onto my hands making me feel like it was ok to continue, “Chris and I were already having problems by that time. He started treating me like everyone else had always treated me. But instead of realizing that I shouldn’t be treated like that I just went with it because that’s all I ever knew. When I told my parents I was pregnant they ordered me to get an abortion. They said if I didn’t they wouldn’t help me out at all and they don’t want to see me or my baby ever again”

“Have they seen her?”

“A few times” I shook my head “I moved in with Chris and he was with other girls. He’d work late or not even come home and I was so sure that he was cheating on me but I didn’t think there was anything I could do. He was all I had, and even though I knew he was horrible he was someone. I just ignored it and hoped that it would go away. So then I had Vanessa and at first he was amazing. Like he stopped going out and really focused on being a father. When he tried he was really a good father. Like he’s a good person deep down but he just gets caught up in the bad things in life”

“Did he ever hit you?” Justin asked, the look on his face told me he was really interested and he felt like he could protect me.

“Yeah” I whispered, nodding my head, “I was fine with it, I mean I didn’t care that he hit me”

“Why do you say that? He should not have hit you. No one should ever hit you. Izzy, don’t ever let anyone hit you”

“I know. I mean I don’t care if he hit me but I just woke up one day and realized that I was turning out to be just like my mother. He never hit Vanessa but I was so scared that he was going to start and then I wouldn’t know what to do. I had our bags packed for months waiting for the perfect time to run away but I was so scared he would come find us. So finally, one night I just woke up and saw what was really happening for once and realized that I had to go. I grabbed our bags and Vanessa and just drove. I had nowhere to go and no one to see but I just had to get out of there and away from him”

“And you came here”

“Yeah” I nodded my head, “We made it here and I found Kyle and he gave me a job and understood that I needed to be home a lot with Vanessa and he saved our lives. And that’s why I’m so fucked up”

“Can I ask you something?” I nodded my head, “What’s going on with the guy now? Chris?”

“I don’t know” I shrugged, “I honestly haven’t heard from him since the day we left. I was afraid that he would come after us but I should have known he wouldn’t. He doesn’t care, he’s happy we left and he doesn’t have the responsibility and he can just sleep with whoever he wants without it sitting on his conscience”

“And your parents never met Vanessa?”

“No” I shook my head, “Well they met her once. I thought I’d be the bigger person and bring her over there. But they didn’t even want to see her. I thought once they saw her and got to know her they’d get over their stupid reputation. But they didn’t. They just looked at her and slammed the door in our faces. And she was so good” I stopped as I cried, the tears were not flowing steadily down my face without any sign of slowing down, “She was two years old and so cute and so well behaved. She just stayed in my arms smiling and giggling and they slammed the door in our face. I don’t care that they don’t care about me but it hurts that they don’t want to get to know my daughter. I mean, she didn’t do anything to them, she deserves to know her grandparents”

“She doesn’t need grandparents like that”

“I know” I said as I sat up cross-legged, “I know that. Like deep down I know that but I still wish she had some family besides me”

“I think it’s kind of cool, just the two of you. You can take on the world together” he smiled as he sat up, causing me to smile, “That’s what we were like for a while, my mother and I,” He grabbed onto my hands, “Listen, baby I know you’ve been through some shitty times. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that but I will never do anything to hurt you. I will never cheat on you; I will never ever hit you. Things are going great between us; you can’t end it because you’re afraid something is going to happen. I would never let any of that shit happen to you. I won’t let anything happen to you or Vanessa. I’m not saying I’m this god or something but if I were with you when all that shit happened it never would have happened. If I ever saw that Chris kid I would personally kick the shit out of him for even laying a hand on you. If I saw your father I probably would too, even though I know he’s family and it’s kind of wrong to beat up your girlfriend’s father” I smiled slightly and he laughed, “If I saw your mother I would not hit her because I would never hit a woman but I would sit her down and have a serious chat with her” he pulled me into a hug, “Baby, I want to take care of you, I won’t let anything happen to either of you. You deserve to be happy. You can’t run away and hide from this because you’re afraid of being happy”

“Mommy, I can’t sleep” I heard Vanessa and looked up to see her standing at the door with her teddy bear in her arms, “Justin’s here!” she screamed as she dropped the teddy on the ground and jumped on the bed making her way between Justin and myself. I quickly wiped my eyes and hoped she wouldn’t notice that I’d been crying

“Hey gorgeous, how are you doing?” Justin asked with a chuckle

“Gooood. Wanna go play Barbie’s?”

“Booboo, come on, it’s bed time” I said as I gave her a hug and held on a little too long, “Why can’t you sleep?”

“I don’t know. I’m just not tired. I think maybe because I want to play Barbie’s”

“Oh you think that’s it huh?” I asked with a chuckle, “I think you need to sleep and we’ll play Barbie’s tomorrow”

“With Justin too?” Vanessa looked up at me and I noticed Justin looking at me for my answer as well

“Well, Justin wants us to come over tomorrow and go swimming. What do you think?”

“Yeah!” she jumped on the bed. I looked over at Justin and saw him smiling

“You definitely need to go to sleep though or you won’t be able to come. You’ll be too tired” Justin said with a smile

“Ok, I will” she fell on the bed and curled up with me, “Goodnight Mommy, I love you”

“Goodnight Booboo, I love you too,” I said with a chuckle

“Goodnight Justin, I love you”

“Night Gorgeous, I love you too”

“Goodnight Justin” I said softly looking in his eyes, “I love you”

“I love you too,” he said softly before kissing me gently on the forehead.

I closed my eyes as I laid there in Justin’s arms with Vanessa in mine, and thanked god for bringing Justin into my life. I never felt this way before.

Now I believe in love, maybe even love at first sight. I know that it’s not easy and it’s something you need to work for. I’m aware that my journey with Justin is not going to be an easy one. But as I lay here I made a silent promise to myself that I will not give up. I’m not used to someone caring for Vanessa and I the way Justin does. I will not think that the world is out to get me. Everyone goes through hard times and I know I sure have. But everyone gets a happy ending. I think I always knew I’d get mine; it just came faster than I expected.