Summary: He don't believe in shootin' stars. In fact, since his love suddenly left him, Justin doesn't believe in much at all. He and the people he loves are forced to learn that sometimes, in order to find yourself, you have to lose everything. He quickly finds out what it's like to go from perfect to perfectly flawed.
Categories: Completed Het Stories Characters: Justin Timberlake
Awards: Season 4
Genres: Celebrity/Celebrity, Drama, Romance
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 21 Completed: Yes
Word count: 104368 Read: 61565
Published: Jul 17, 2008 Updated: Jan 07, 2009
Story Notes:
Hey guys, I fiiiinally have a new story in the works. I'm sure you wanna kick my ass for the other things I haven't finished yet, but this one already has lots of chapters written and I know how it ends, so... yeah lol! I hope you enjoy reading it, because I've really had fun writing it so far. Let me know what you think.
Love you guys! -Ash
1. Moving Mountains by Ashley
2. The Running Man by Ashley
3. What's Wrong by Ashley
4. A Good Day by Ashley
5. Back by Ashley
6. It Just Got Weird by Ashley
7. Drunk... And Hot Girls by Ashley
8. Hate That I Love You by Ashley
9. Say What You Need To Say by Ashley
10. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly by Ashley
11. And Now It's Raining by Ashley
12. Just To Rub It In by Ashley
13. Claustrophobia by Ashley
14. Uncomfortable Silence Can Be So Loud by Ashley
15. Hello To High And Dry by Ashley
16. Dancing In The Dark by Ashley
17. System Overload by Ashley
18. Live, From New York by Ashley
19. Mercy by Ashley
20. I Decided, Pt. 1 by Ashley
21. I Decided, Pt. 2 by Ashley
Moving Mountains by Ashley
1 >> Moving Mountains
I watch him carefully, as he stares at himself in the mirror, seemingly satisfied with what he sees. His three-piece Yves Saint Laurent suit is cut impeccably, accentuating all the qualities that make him visually perfect -- his long limbs, slim waist and lean frame, his creamy complexion. He looks good in black, and he always has. His hair and beard are trimmed to perfection for probably the first time since I’ve known him. But then, I suppose that’s to be expected on your wedding day. He looks good, and more importantly, happy.
“How do I look?” he asks, turning his head ever-so-slightly to get my opinion.
I walk over to him, my long black bridesmaid dress trailing the floor, and stand in front of him. I smile and begin dusting nonexistent wrinkles from his jacket. “You look good.”
“Yeah?”
“Scared shitless,” I insert, “but good.”
“I’m not scared,” he chuckles. “I’m just nervous, I guess. I’ve been waiting for this day my entire life.”
“You’re such a girl,” I laugh back, resting my hands on the lapels of his suit. “I’m surprised she didn’t have to propose to you.”
“Oh, you got jokes.”
“Don’t I always?”
“You look good too,” he assures me, switching back to the subject. He stares deeply into my eyes for a moment, and just as I feel my breath catching in my throat, he turns back to the mirror. “Thank you for being here, Jess.”
“You know you don’t have to thank me.”
“I know, but you’re a bridesmaid; you should be with the bride.”
“Yeah well, you’re my best friend, so Talis will have to do without me for a while.”
He grins at our reflections in the mirror and then looks down at me. “You know, you’re the one that looks a little scared right now.”
“What?” I frown at him awkwardly and then avoid his gaze altogether. “I’m totally fine.”
“Now why you tryin’ to play me?”
“I’m not trying to play anybody!” I smile widely, “I’m just… I’m “ I’m happy for you, Justin. I’m really proud of you and very happy.”
We are both fully aware that I’m full of shit, but now doesn’t appear o be the time to explore that fact, and he thankfully relents. “Thank you.”
“I gotta say,” I go back to where I’d been sitting on the loveseat behind Justin, “as long as I’ve known you, I never thought you’d be the type to get married at a Malibu beach house.”
“I guess I like to throw a few curveballs every now and then,” he shrugs. “Plus, Talis gets what Talis wants.” He says that without a hint of disdain “ that’s pure love talking.
“It looks great out there, though.” We can see the wedding setup from where we are in the house, and it’s breathtaking, to say the least. “In just a little while, you’ll be down there saying, ‘I do.’ I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t either,” he sighs a happy sigh. “I cannot wait to marry that girl.”
“It’s been a long time,” I agree.
“Five years is nothing compared to forever.”
“But five years is still a long time.” I think so, anyway. It’s only a year longer than we’ve been friends, and I certainly feel like I’ve known Justin an entire lifetime. “Where is everybody? It seems so quiet up here.”
“I left them to their chaos back at my house,” he chuckles. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, you know.”
“I know, I just thought she’d be here by now. It’s almost five.”
“You worry too much,” he smiles, finally sitting down next to me. “You know how the PCH is, there’s probably traffic.”
I nod, wondering if he actually believes what he’s telling me. He knows as well as I do that Talis and her bridal party were supposed to be here long before Friday afternoon traffic settled over the city. “I’m gonna give Rachael a call, just to get an update.”
“Jess, you worry too much.”
“Well, you don’t worry enough, so it’s a good thing we balance each other out.” Picking myself up from our seat, I scoot towards the door, just in time to be greeted by Justin’s other best friend and best man, Trace. “Hey, you,” I greet him cheerfully.
“Hey. How’s he doin’?” I love and always have loved Trace’s southern drawl.
“He’s good,” I turn back to Justin, who’s now engaged in his BlackBerry. “I was just headed to see how everything looks outside.”
“Everything looks amazing, dude. There are so many flowers and candles everywhere, and the ocean looks all extra blue,” he explains enthusiastically. “It’s gonna be amazing. Fuckin’ amazing.”
Justin comes over to us, stuffing his expensive phone into his expensive pocket. “Are there paparazzi outside?”
“Tons,” Trace nods. “Supposedly, there’s a live feed on TMZ of the house.”
“Such bullshit,” he rolls his eyes. “Jess, could you find out where Talis is for me? I have a feeling there’s about to be some chaos.”
“Sure,” I oblige with a quick nod. I clutch the bottom of my dress as I make my way down the steps, looking for someone who might know what they’re talking about. Eventually, I spot Justin’s mom, who’s speaking with the wedding planner, and head straight towards her. “Lynn.”
She turns towards me in a sophisticated black suit, with a grin that matches her son’s, and answers, “Yes, darlin’?”
“Has anyone heard from Talis or her crew yet?”
“They are just a couple miles away,” the wedding planner, Erin, intervenes. She’s got a headset perched over her head and a walkie-talkie glued to her hand. “We’ve got a motorcade with her, we’re just trying to clear the route right now.”
“This is insane,” I comment to Lynn, gazing across the marble floor of the giant house, where more candles are on a cart, being prepped to roll outside.
“I know,” she chuckles, shaking her head full of blonde curls. “Have you seen how many people are gathered outside?”
“I haven’t, I’ve only seen the backyard.”
“Oh, it’s a complete mess out front,” she tells me. “I hope the girls don’t have too much trouble getting through.”
“Yeah,” I reply absently.
I stand there, watching all of this unnecessary commotion unfold in front of me, and I laugh to myself. I know Justin and Talis pretty well, and I’m quite sure that they would be just as content with getting married at the church down the street from their house. All of this is the opposite of them. For the past five years, they’ve been Hollywood’s favorite couple because they were so unassuming, so unpretentious, so low-key. This is the opposite of Justin and Talis. The rented Malibu house, the motorcade, all the hullabaloo that I know they’re not into, I can’t quite figure out how it managed to engulf the biggest day of their lives, but I had a huge suspicion that today was quickly turning into a day neither one of them would enjoy.
I spoke to Talis briefly last night, and she worried me. She seemed unsure of herself, which is something I’ve never seen from her. People like Talis Nixon and Justin Timberlake were never unsure, never unconfident. People like Talis and Justin were perfect. So when she came to me at her rehearsal dinner with panic in her eyes and asked if I thought she was making a mistake, I knew that this entire thing “ because it was more than just a wedding now “ had become something more than she knew how to handle.
Now, I’m standing here, and I don’t quite know what the problem is, but there’s a sinking feeling in my stomach that is driving me to look and sound like a paranoid idiot in the face of Justin. Justin, my best friend, who needs me to not be nervous, but supportive, yet all I can think is that something bad is about to happen.
“Jessica?”
I snap out of my overly-analytical trance and stare back at Justin’s mom. “Huh?”
“Sweetie, they’re pulling up now. Could you run upstairs and let the boys know?”
“Yeah,” I nod enthusiastically, “Yeah, sure.” I scurry back up the steps, where there’s a bit more noise, now that the other groomsmen are in the vicinity, and knock on Justin’s door. “It’s me,” I tell him.
“Come in.”
I walk into the quiet room, and smile at him. “She’s pulling up now. And she’s got a buttload of security, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“I was never worried,” he grins back, walking toward me. “But you look flustered.”
“No, just relieved,” I chuckle lightly. “Where’s Trace?”
“He’s with the other guys, getting boutonnieres together.” The expression on his face shows his excitement and I’m starting to feel it with him. “Speaking of which,” he picks up his single red rose, “would you mind?”
I take the snippet of a rose from him and begin to pin it to his lapel. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything. Always.”
I bite my bottom lip and look up to him timidly. “I just want you to know that you”.” My sentence is interrupted by Tera, the sister of the bride, knocking on the door and peeking in.
“Hey, you guys,” she says sweetly, giving us a quick wave. “Jess, can I talk to you?”
“Now?” I ask.
She nods and adds, “I’m sorry.”
“Is everything okay?” Justin wonders, just as I finish with his rose. “Is Talis all right?”
“Oh, she’s fine. Just a hair disaster.” She grins, telling us that she’s lying her ass off, but Justin believes her anyway “ mainly because he wants to think that’s all it is, I’m sure.
“Well, we all know Jess is not the person to go to for a hair emergency,” he laughs loudly, expecting us to laugh too, it appears.
I clear my throat and look down. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, what were you gonna say?”
“I’ll tell you when I come back,” I assure him. “I’ll be right back.”
Or so I thought.
>>>>>>>>>>
There was a silence that had fallen over the entire house when Talis and her wedding party pulled into the driveway. It wasn't a good silence either, but rather somber and unsettling. Justin felt it, Jessica felt it, but even worse, neither of them knew why.
Tera, the maid of honor and sister of the bride, dragged Jessica down to the front yard of the ostentatious beach house, where a collection of paparazzi had gathered just beyond the lawn. They made no secret of snapping pictures of the two women, dressed impeccably in black gowns with large satin white bows tied at the small of their backs. There was no questioning that this was a classy affair.
“Tera, what the hell is going on?” Jessica demanded, her face becoming overtaken with anxiety. “Where’s Talis?”
The maid of honor pointed to a black Mercedes S600, parked just a few feet behind Jessica. “She’s in there.”
“Well is she aware that we’re all waiting on her? What’s she waiting for?”
“You need to talk to her,” Tera imparted. “She wanted to see you.”
“You bitches are crazy,” Jess shook her head, pulling her long dress from the ground to head for Talis’s car. She knocked on the tinted window of the pricey vehicle, frowning out to the press that watched her like hawks. She could just imagine the headlines rolling across Perez Hilton already. “OMGZ! Jessica Biel stops Justin Timberlake's wedding!” The media loved nothing more than to insinuate that her relationship with Justin was everything more than platonic.
Finally, the car door opened and she slipped inside to see Talis staring back at her, frailly. She had on her gorgeous dress “ a stark white Vivienne Westwood gown with a babydoll frame, the skirt beginning just below the top of her ribcage. She didn't have on her makeup yet, but she was stunning, as always. Her light caramel skin was flawless, and her short curly hair was highlighted with just the right shades of honey and auburn. Somehow, she still appeared to be a complete mess.
“Hi,” she greeted her perplexed friend Jessica of approximately ten years.
“Talis, what in the hell are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” she whined, frowning at the thought. “I don’t know, I’m just so freaked out all of a sudden.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Why aren’t you ready?” Jessica demanded.
Talis gave her friend a sorrowful look “ a pitiful look “ as tears escaped her chocolate brown eyes. “Jess.”
“No,” she replied with force, her gaze relaying her simultaneous realization and disbelief.
“Jess, I--.”
“You better not say it,” Jess shot back. “Get out of this fucking car, Talis.”
“I can’t do it.” More tears came crashing down her unblemished face as she turned to look out of the dark window. “I can’t.”
“Talis, don’t do this,” Jessica began to plead. “You have to go in there.”
“I can’t,” she insisted, unwilling to look her friend in the eye. “I can’t marry him.”
“Why?”
“I’m not ready. I can’t handle this. I can’t “ I mean, look at this,” she shouted. “Look at all this bullshit going on outside our window! I can’t live this way the rest of my life!”
“Talis, you’ve been doing this for five years. Today is just an exception, and then tomorrow will come and you’ll be fine. You cannot do this to him.”
“Jess, you and I both know that it’ll always be like this. If it’s not our wedding day, it’s our first baby, it’s our impending divorce, or our second baby. It never ends! And I just can’t,” she shook her head, still crying. “I can’t live my life knowing that the rest of the world is waiting for us to fail.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Jess spat back. “You’re being fucking ridiculous, and you need to get out of this car right now.”
“I can’t do it.”
“You’re gonna kill him.”
“I know.”
“How the hell are you gonna tell him this just an hour before the wedding, Talis? What the fuck!”
The bride gave her friend another one of those looks that said everything and nothing at all. One that said she didn’t plan on telling Justin anything. “Jess.”
“You’re a fucking cunt,” Jessica told her matter-of-factly as she opened the car door.
“Jessica!” Talis was shocked, not believing that someone so close to her could be so hostile. “If I face him, this will make it all so much worse.”
“No, fuck this, Talis. If you can do this shit to a man like Justin “ a good man “ you’re a fucking cunt, and you need to go.”
“You know me, Jess. You can’t--.”
“Apparently not. Because the Talis I know would never...”
“Are you gonna tell him?” Talis’s eyes were very obviously pleading with her friend to have mercy.
“Do I have a choice?” Jessica cut her eyes in Talis's direction and continued her exit from the car.
The moment her stiletto Manolos hit the cobblestone driveway, the uproar from the paparazzi seemed to come crashing back down on her, and she was suddenly very cognizant of what was happening. This was no dream, no movie set, and no one would be yelling, “Cut!” at the end of this dramatic scene. It was her life, and that of her very best friend, unraveling at the seams. Things were supposed to be perfect today. This was supposed to be the happy ending.
“What happened?” Tera asked, joining Jessica’s staccato stroll towards the house. “Is she coming out?”
“Get her out of here,” Jessica replied somberly.
“What’s going on?”
She stopped in her tracks and stared at the bewildered eighteen-year-old in front of her. Jessica had known Tera since she was in second grade, and she was still just as doe-eyed as ever. “Tera,” she sighed, not wanting to be mean. “She’s not ready.”
“Well can’t we get her ready? What do we have to do?”
“She has to grow up,” Jessica mumbled, frowning at the ground.
“What?” Tera was confused.
“I have to go.”
“Jess, what is going on?”
“I’m not gonna say it, and certainly not out here,” she peered over to the throng of photographers gawking at them through lenses, “but just get your sister out of here.”
“Jess, help me.”
“I can’t.” Jessica was now on the verge of tears, because she was absolutely dreading the look on Justin’s face when she explained what was happening. As much as she wanted to help Tera, she couldn’t be responsible for saving anyone else. “Just go. Have the driver take her to a hotel or something.”
“She’s really not doing this?”
Jess could only shake her head and resume her trip back inside. There, she was met with most of the wedding party, bustling around the foyer of the house, preparing for a wedding that, little did they know, wasn’t going to happen.
She ignored the sounds of those calling after her, probably wondering why anyone had yet to see the bride. She quickly worked her way up the large staircase, taking two steps at a time, in spite of her confining dress. She walked into the still-quiet bedroom without knocking, to find Justin on the edge of his seat, reading through his vows. That was the moment where her heart officially broke.
“Hey,” he looked up innocently.
“Hey.” She gave him a fake smile and stared cautiously.
“What’s wrong? Is Talis all right?”
“She’s fine,” she whispered, letting out a silent sigh. She had no idea how she was going to do this, but she was fully aware that the longer she waited, the more it would hurt.
“So, we’re on schedule, yes?”
She could only nod, and look down to the floor, willing her tears not to be noticed. “How are you doing?”
“I’m a little anxious,” he admitted with a shrug, “but I’m ready.”
“You always are,” she grinned, finally looking up at him. “I gotta”.”
“What were you gonna tell me earlier?” he spoke at the same time as his friend.
“It was nothing,” she decided. Certainly not important now, anyway.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Jess? You’ve been fuckin’ weird all day.”
“I--.” She paused to ponder her words before she let him hear them, wondering if she had the strength to do this to him. “I’m okay.”
“You’re lying, Jessica. What the hell is wrong?”
“Nothing,” she insisted, just as a few random tears spilled onto her pink cheeks.
“Jess.” Justin immediately went to his troubled friend, taking her hand into his. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m so sorry.” She shook her head slowly, holding his gaze with her sorrowful green eyes. “She’s not coming.”
His frown seemed to tighten and turn from worry to confusion. “What are you talking about?” he questioned, dropping Jessica’s hand.
She wiped her face and took a step back from the wrath of his inevitable hurt. “Talis. She’s… she said she can’t do it.”
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about, Jess. You said she’s fine. Everything’s on schedule.”
“She’s leaving, Justin. She can’t do it.”
“No,” he began to shout. “No, she’s fucking ready. She’s here and she’s fine. What the “ what are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about!”
“I’m so sorry,” Jess began to plead, as if she was the one leaving him at the altar. “I wish”.”
“Jess. No, where the fuck is she?”
“Justin, she’s gone. She said she”.”
“Where is she?” he yelled, finally exiting the room for the first time in hours. Bullshit superstitions were a moot point by then.
Hustling down the steps, he burst into the foyer, much to everyone’s surprise, with panic written all over his typically serene face. “Where is she?” he asked to anyone who would answer.
“Justin!” Jessica was just a few steps behind him, wanting to stop him before he made his way outside.
“Somebody tell me where my fucking fiancée is,” he demanded loudly. “Where is she! I can stop this.” His name was being shouted from a million different directions, but he drowned them all out in his quest to find Talis. “Where the fuck is she?”
He eventually made it outside, only to be paralyzed by the sight of hundreds of photographers’ flashes going off at once. He gazed into the brightness, still searching for his love in the sea of chaos, slowly turning his head from one side to the other.
“Justin.” Jessica reached him mere seconds afterwards, and attempted to lure him back inside. “She’s gone, Justin.”
He turned slowly, just as an S-Class Mercedes began to creep out of the driveway. He knew Talis was in that car, running away from it all. He couldn’t quite believe it, because Talis was never the type to run from him “ he was one of few people in this world that she ran to “ but he knew it was her. Though the windows were completely tinted, he even felt like their eyes locked as she made her getaway, taking his heart with her.
“Justin?” His mother was at the door now, begging him to come back. “Baby, come on inside.”
Jessica grabbed his hand, pulling him with her out of the commotion. His body didn’t seem willing to move, perhaps from the intense shock coursing through his veins, but his best friend was no stranger to moving mountains for him. And so, she pulled him into the house, gently shutting the door behind them, patiently walking him up the stairs, and back into the bedroom where his day began, sitting him on the bed.
Discreetly kicking the paper that contained his vows underneath, she sat down with him. She took off the shoes that she knew he hated and found dreadfully uncomfortable; she pulled off his Yves Saint Laurent jacket with the rose pinned to the lapel. She removed his vest as well, and loosened the tie that hung around his neck, placing them next to her on the bed. She thought he would probably stare into oblivion for a good hour or two, because that’s what he did when he was blocking out everyone but himself.
For a few minutes, she just watched him as he blinked at the darkness falling over the October evening. “Justin?” He didn't turn, but she could tell that he'd looked up. “Are you okay?” The silence was what she hated more than anything. “Please say something”
He was so quiet, it was a wonder if he was even breathing. “Don't leave me,” he finally mumbled, not batting an eyelash.
“I won't,” she answered sympathetically. “I'm here.”
“Don’t ever leave me,” he added stoically, emphasizing the second word.
“Don't worry,” Jessica assured him, beginning to rub his back. He flinched at her touch - something he'd never done before - so she retracted her arm, but promised, “I'll... never leave you.”
The Running Man by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Thanks for all the feedback, you guys! I promise the story won't be so depressing all the way through lol. I'll be putting up cast pictures as we get further in, but the next couple of chapters will be more about establishing all the main characters, so stick with me!
And in case anyone was wondering, Talis is pronounced like Telise (tuh-leese)... I just wanted to be needlessly difficult lol.
-Ash
2 >> The Running Man
“Right now on The Sleaze,” Ellen K spoke to the city of Los Angeles through KIIS FM’s airwaves, “A not-so-happy ending for JT. Breaking news from our E! news desk: the wedding we’ve all been waiting for did not quite go as planned. Sources report that Justin Timberlake and his longtime girlfriend, makeup artist Talis Nixon, did not make it down the aisle this weekend.”
Ryan Seacrest, the most famous DJ in America, piped up and gave his coworker the lead-in. “Ken Baker, the left coast executive editor from Us Weekly, has the story. Ken, what happened, man?”
“It’s really a pretty sad story, actually,” Ken inserted from his office just a few floors above. “This was supposed to be this big fairytale couple, and this perfect day for Justin and Talis, but sources are saying that they were not as happy as they might have led us to believe.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Ryan interjected, rather sarcastically.
“Yeah, apparently everything was a go for Friday night, however, my source says that the bride just refused to get out of the car. They had everything set up at this absolutely beeeauuutiful Malibu mansion, it was right on the beach, as we reported before. Talis had an entire motorcade dedicated to getting her to this house safely, and then, when they pull into the driveway, she won’t get out! People were shocked. I mean, there are bridesmaids running everywhere; you have Jessica Biel, you know, who’s very good friends with Justin--.”
“Right, of course.”
“Yeah, she goes to talk to her, absolutely begs Talis to come inside. She totally refuses. It was just really sad.”
“What happened, though? Can we assume there was some mischief going on?” Ellen hoarsely added to the conversation. “There had to be something.”
“You know, it’s hard to tell at this point,” Ken answered, matter-of-factly. “Here we have this beautiful couple, this really great couple that seemingly had no problems.”
“Well, there’s no such thing as no problems,” she retorted.
“Yeah, of course. But this was not a couple we heard about all the time. You know, they dated for five years without any messy dramas to report really, so it was pretty shocking.”
“Yeah, totally.”
“We do know that Justin attempted to come after her, though,” he continued to inform. “There are tons of pictures that are surfacing with him in his suit, standing in the doorway of this house, and we’re pretty sure he was coming to talk to her. But her car left just when he appeared.”
“Wow,” Ellen marveled. “They really seemed like a happy couple.”
“That’s what’s got everyone baffled “ we honestly never would’ve guessed something like this for them.”
“That’s so sad,” Ryan agreed sullenly. “If Justin Timberlake’s getting dumped, I know there’s no hope for me.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Looks like that’ll be the talk of the town for a while, no doubt. Ken. Thanks buddy,” he finished. “This is KIIS.”
“See, that’s why I don’t believe in relationships,” Rie Torrey commented to her friend, turning down the volume on her Jeep’s radio. “I would kill myself if I were ever left at the altar.”
Jacqueline gave her friend a sideways glance, finding her conversation just as ridiculous as always. “Justin Timberlake’s relationship is no reason for you to be a skank,” she chuckled, staring down the streets of Sunset at sunrise.
“I’m not a skank,” she combated. “I just don’t believe in that monogamy bullshit.”
“Which makes you a skank,” she yawned.
“You’ve never been in a relationship either, Jac.”
“But not because I like the thrill of the chase,” she defended herself. “I just haven’t found a guy that’s worth it.”
“Oh, meaning you’re a picky skank? Got it.”
“Shut up and drive,” she laughed tiredly. Rie was easily Jacqueline’s favorite person in the entire world, but sometimes, like at 7:00 in the morning, she needed not speak, due to all the bullshit she spouted.
Dressed down in oversized sweats and tank tops, the two women entered the parking lot of The Griddle Café, portfolios in hand, headed for the secluded entrance at the back of the restaurant. It was rather busy for a Monday morning, so instead of a table, they took two adjacent seats near the grill, sitting close together so that they could hear amid the restaurant bustle.
“Do you already know what you’re getting?” Rie asked her friend curiously, taking a seat to her right. “I never know what I want.”
“Yeah, I’m getting ‘Tis the Season,” Jac nodded, referring to their pumpkin pie pancakes. “I’ve been waiting to have those all damn year.”
“You know they’re on the menu year-round, right?”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t feel appropriate until October,” she rationalized with a smile, staring down the long bar-like table. “Rie, there’s your favorite person,” she added quietly.
As any typical Angeleno, when a celebrity was in the vicinity, she did everything in her power not to turn her head “ that’s what tourists did “ but sneak an inconspicuous glance down the row from behind her designer sunglasses. “Who is it?” she mouthed back.
“Jessica Biel.”
Rie’s smile expanded tenfold, as Jessica had been one of her favorite celebrities ever since they worked together on an indie film earlier in the year. “I love her,” she reminded Jac, getting a quick look at the star. There were about six chairs between them, and Jessica sat solitarily, with her back against the brick wall, a plate of half-eaten eggs in front of her, and engaged in a book. “She’s so cute.”
“You’re a dork,” Jacqueline chuckled, taking a sip of her water.
Rie continued to pretend she wasn’t staring. “I’m gonna go say Hi.”
“Rie, what the hell? Sit down,” she dissuaded her bold friend, grabbing her arm in the process. “She’s enjoying her alone time; don’t bother her.”
“I’m not gonna bother her! I just wanna say Hello and see if she remembers me.”
“She doesn’t,” Jac assured her. “You, as a PA on the set, were not a blip on her radar.”
“I think she would,” Rie contested, pulling out her maroon BlackBerry Curve. She scrolled through her several pictures to find the group of shots of her with Jessica Biel, James Marsden, and Jake Gyllenhaal. “See.”
“Yeah, you’re BFFs,” Jac rolled her eyes, “but that was months ago. She has long since forgotten about you, babe.”
“You are such a damn hater.”
The two friends went on to place their orders, Jac getting her ‘Tis the Season pancakes, and Rie settled on a Cobb Omelette.
Jacqueline Scheine was in the process of putting together a modeling portfolio for her interview with Elite Model Management. She was a gorgeous girl, tall and lean, fair vanilla skin, with piercing jade eyes and endless dark brown hair. People in the industry often told her that she resembled Aleksandra Eriksson, which she hadn’t quite figured out if that was a bad or good thing. Still, she’d met with the director of scouting for Elite, who encouraged her to come in for an interview. So with high hopes, she enlisted Rie to take several new shots to add to her collection.
As they went through each picture, constructively criticizing each one, they were pleasantly interrupted by the one and only Jessica Biel. “Hi,” she inserted sweetly, causing both of the women to look up. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt--.”
“Wow, hi!” Rie beamed in response, sitting back in her seat.
“Hi,” Jessica grinned. “I’m sorry, I just “ I saw you come in and I wanted to say Hi before I left. Your name is Rie, right?”
“Yes,” she nodded with an ever-growing smile. She was tempted to give her friend an I-told-you-so kick. “I was just telling my friend about how we worked together on ‘Nailed.’”
“Yeah, we had such a great time on the set,” she told Jac genuinely. “Rie was always the first person on set, last to leave, and she was just the best PA I’ve ever seen.”
“You’re too sweet.”
“That’s awesome,” Jac inserted.
“So hey, how have you been?” Jess questioned earnestly.
“I’ve been good,” Rie nodded again. “The wedding season is finally coming to an end, so I’m focusing on fashion photography for the rest of the year.”
Jess visibly flinched at the mention of ‘wedding season,’ but she pressed past it. “Oh yes, you’re like a big deal photographer,” she remembered.
“I don’t know about big deal, but I do what I can do.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“But how have you been?” Rie switched gears. “Any new movies in the works?”
“Umm, I’m reading through some things,” she answered vaguely, fidgeting with the zipper on her hoodie. “I kind of think I’m gonna take a little break and hang out here for a minute, but yeah… I’m reading some scripts.”
“Very cool.”
“Hey, how’s your mom doing?” Jessica remembered to ask, hoisting her large purse further upon her shoulder.
“She’s all right,” Rie decided timidly. “Umm. She’s going through chemo now, but we’re optimistic.”
“Oh, that’s good to hear,” she replied gently. “She was really sweet the few times I met her.”
Jac watched in slight bewilderment as this exchange went on between her best friend and this celebrity. She knew Rie had become a huge fan of Jessica’s, but she wasn’t quite sure why until then. She came off as an extremely sweet, genuine girl “ atypical of the many other celebrities they encountered daily.
“Well hey, it was great seeing you,” Jess stated with finality.
“Good to see you, too.”
“Hey, are you guys doing anything on Thursday?”
“Umm,” Rie gave Jac an inquiring glance. “Not that I know of. Right?”
“Nothing yet,” Jac agreed. “What’s up?”
“Well, a couple of friends of mine are hosting an Obama fundraiser over in Santa Monica. You guys should come hang out if you want.”
“Yeah, we’d love to,” Jac immediately accepted.
“Cool, cool. Lemme get your email and I’ll send you the directions to the house and everything.”
After email addresses were exchanged, Jessica went on her way, leaving the friends to stare at one another incredulously. “How fucking cool is she?” Rie marveled, digging back into her omelet.
“Very cool,” Jac approved. “That was dope.”
“Yeah, apparently I am a blip on her radar, thank you.”
“I stand corrected,” she grinned. “You really are BFFs.”
“Well not yet,” Rie replied playfully, smiling her flawless smile, “but we’re getting there.”
“I hate you,” she added.
“And that is precisely why you are sittin’ to my left.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“Justin,” I call into his extremely large Hollywood Hills home, returning from my breakfast and errands. “I’m back!”
There’s no answer, not that I ever expected one, so I go further into the house, through the kitchen, and find him sprawled across the couch of his den. He isn’t asleep, but just lying there, disheveled and despondent.
“Hey,” I announce, informing him that I’m standing above him.
“Hey,” he mumbles, not moving an inch.
“I picked up some boxes from Lowe’s. I figured we could pack up Talis’s stuff and get it out of here,” I suggest.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I begin to turn around before I see that he still hasn’t moved. “Would you like to do it now, or later?”
“Am I supposed to be involved in this?”
“Well, I’m not gonna do it alone, Justin.”
“Then just forget it, Jess. I’m not going through her shit.”
“Well you can’t just let it sit in your house until the end of time,” I argue. “Get up.”
“Fuck you,” he mumbles again, turning his back towards me.
“Justin, I’m not doing this with you.” I begin to peel his blanket from his body, much to his chagrin. He begins to fight me, swatting my hands away. “Justin!”
“What,” he retorts sternly. “Leave me the fuck alone.”
“You told me not to leave you, so no, you’re fucking stuck with me. I’m not letting you do this to yourself.”
“Why can’t I just lay here? It’s not like I’m doing heroin.”
“For someone that doesn’t have the capacity to sit still for more than five minutes, this is self-destructive behavior for you,” I tell him as I fold his blanket. “I know you’re hurting right now, but wallowing in this will not make it go away.”
“Leave me alone,” he repeats quietly.
“So you just want her shit to hang out here forever?”
“Just leave it.”
“Why?” I continue to press the issue. “Why can’t we get rid of it?”
He’s silent for a long time and then sits up on the couch, gazing out to the wall in front of him. There’s a large painting adorning the wall “ one that Talis picked out, no less “ and I wonder what he’s thinking. He won’t look at me or even acknowledge my question, but at least he’s sitting up, I suppose. “Do you know why she left?” he eventually asks.
I shake my head sadly. “She just said she couldn’t handle it.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” he reasons with a frown.
“I know,” I agree. “And after all this time, the least she could do was tell you that.”
“There had to be something else…”
“Why does it matter?” I blurt out with a sigh. “She ran away, and that--.”
“You don’t have to say it like that,” he interrupts defensively. It’s the most life I’ve seen out of him since Friday.
“Justin, she did. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.”
“You know, she’s your friend, too.”
“Yes, she’s one of my best friends,” I concur, “but the shit she did was fucking dirty and you deserve better. You need to get over her.”
“She just got scared,” he continues. “There’s nothing dirty about that.”
“Dude, are you fucking kidding me? She ran away from her wedding an hour before she was supposed to marry you. How do you fucking defend that?” I’m getting angry now.
“She just got scared,” he repeats quietly.
“Justin, look at you!” I yell. “You haven’t eaten or showered in three days because ‘she got scared.’ You were publicly humiliated because ‘she got scared.’ She broke your heart, Justin, and refused to even face you while doing so, all because ‘she got scared.’ Wake up, dude.”
“Jess, what’s your problem,” he spits back. “If I wanna be depressed or cranky or fucking suicidal about this shit, why can’t you just support me? What does it matter to you?”
“Because!” I take a step back to figure out the answer to his question, realizing I don’t have one. “I just don’t understand it.”
“Well, you would never understand because you’ve never had a meaningful relationship in your life.”
“Wow,” I laugh, a bit shocked that he would say that to me. I’m not sure what else to say, so I just shake my head.
“Jess.”
I hold up my hands as if to say it’s no big deal. It hurt, but I certainly won’t lose sleep over it. “It’s fine.”
“Jess, I’m sorry.”
“Do you think she’s gonna come back? Is that what this is about?”
“Maybe she will,” he says quietly, looking down again.
I tilt my head and give him a sympathetic look, though he can’t see it, and sigh. It’s killing me to see him this way. “How long do we wait?”
“I’m not crazy,” he tells me solemnly, but still staring at the floor. “I know you think I’m nuts, but I’m not. She lives here; this is her home. She has to come back eventually.”
“Okay, so she comes back to the house. What do you do? What do you say? You just welcome her with open arms and she’s back to being your fiancée? What, Jus?”
“I don’t know.”
“What happens then, Justin?”
“I don’t know!” He opens his mouth to say something else, but pauses to probably search for his words. “I just know that we’ve been together for most of my adult life, and… I’m not sure what to do without her,” he states honestly. “I have no idea why she ran away from me, but I can’t just pack up her things and act like she was never here, Jess. I just can’t.”
“Fine,” I relent.
“I’m not crazy.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“But you think I’m getting there, and I’m not. I just don’t feel like being bothered.”
“I understand,” I tell him, even though I really don’t. Why anyone would want to waste their life pining away for someone that clearly doesn’t feel the same, I’ll never understand. “I’ll just put the boxes in the garage, just in case you ever feel like using them.”
“Thank you.” He settles back into his couch and pulls the remote from behind him, turning on the television.
“Hey, you wanna come to dinner with us tonight? It’ll just be me and my parents,” I offer.
“No, thanks.”
I motion to take a seat beside him on the sofa, but he moves to his left before I manage to even get there. With an exasperated exhale, I opt for the very end of it instead. “You’ve gotta leave this house sooner or later, Jus.”
“I will,” he reassures me, finally looking in my direction. “Just gimme a couple of days.”
“Are you scared that she’s gonna come by and you’ll miss it?”
“No, Jess. Just”just give me a couple of days.”
While I’m quite aware that giving in will only make his situation worse, he’s not giving me many other options. “Fine. A couple of days.”
>>>>>>>>>>
After much goading and prodding on Jessica’s end, Justin kept his promise to only stay cooped up in the house for another couple of days. By Thursday, he’d joined her and his cousin Rachael for lunch, and a few hours later, they were headed to a friend’s house in Santa Monica. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting from the night, being that he wasn’t at all interested in engaging with people, but he promised he would come. Besides, it never hurt to put up a few grand for a good cause, and getting Obama in office was definitely a good cause.
He’d been minding his business for the most part, seesawing between Jessica’s side and a cool corner of the couple’s backyard deck. At this point, he was standing outside, leaned against the railing of the deck, watching the empty pool and holding an empty cup. Before he was interrupted, that is.
“Hey,” Rie initiated, approaching Justin’s solitary spot outside. There were others out there, but most were engaged in their own conversations.
He looked up, a bit stunned to see the stunning stranger before him, but remained unaffected in appearance. “Hey.”
“You’re famous,” she announced as if it were new information.
“Umm, yeah,” he glanced behind him, seemingly searching for nothing. “That’s what they tell me.”
“That’s what I hear.”
“Are you?”
“Am I famous?” she grinned, giving him a view of her impeccable smile. “Not yet.”
“You wanna be?” Justin asked cautiously, all too well aware of her type already.
“In my own right,” she decided. “…Eventually. Maybe.”
“You sure about that?”
“No,” she chuckled. “I’m never too sure about anything.”
“That’s dangerous, you know.”
“I’m dangerous.” She smiled again, leaning against the rail with him, and inexplicably began to stare.
“What?” he frowned, standing back from her gaze.
“You just look… different on TV,” she said honestly. “I mean, you look the same, but kind of… frail.”
“Frail?” He laughed. For the first time in six days. “That’s funny.”
“Is it?”
“It is to me,” he continued to grin.
“Your smile is the same, though.”
“Thanks?”
“It’s a compliment,” Rie confirmed. “Don’t worry, I’m not being dangerous right now.”
“Oh, it’s an on and off thing,” he realized, reassuming his positioning to watch the pool just below them.
“Yeah, I can kinda turn it up and down, depending on how I’m feeling at the moment.”
“And how are you feeling at the moment?” he dared to ask.
“Slightly vulnerable,” she admitted with a whisper.
“And why is that?”
“It took a lot to come up to you, dude. And just generate a conversation out of thin air? Pshh.” She shook her head and gave him another glance. “In theory, I should be passed out by now.”
Justin found himself laughing again. “It’s not that serious, I assure you.”
“I believe you.”
He gave Rie his own version of a perfect smile and even snuck a few glances at her. He took notice of her immaculate chocolate skin and how it accentuated her blindingly white teeth. Her thin face was framed by extremely long, wavy black hair, with purple “ yes, purple “ highlights, and her almond-shaped brown eyes, full of mischief, held his gaze.
“Can I get you another drink?” she finally offered, after a second too much of awkward staring.
“I’m good,” he declined with an open hand. “I just had some water; I don’t drink.”
Rie immediately knitted her eyebrows in disbelief. “Are you a recovering alcoholic or something?” she pried.
“Umm. Preemptive alcoholic,” he decided.
She laughed out loud and nodded. “I’m Rie,” she finally told him, extending her right hand to him.
“Justin,” he offered back hesitantly.
“Dude, I already know your name,” she chuckled, noticing his unease. “Don’t worry, I won’t bite.”
“No, I know,” he softened at the touch of her hand, but moved a bit to his left to get some distance between them. “Don’t mind me; I’m weird.”
“Oh good, so am I.”
He looked into her eyes for a moment, deciding that she had easily become the best thing about the entire week. “So Rie, huh? Is that short for anything?”
“Nope,” she shook her head. “My name’s not Rihanna or anything… just Rie.”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Rie.”
“Likewise,” she returned, looking up to the starry sky. A part of her couldn’t believe she was actually involved in a conversation with Justin Timberlake, but even worse, a bigger part of her couldn’t believe that she actually cared. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but she’d lived in Los Angeles her entire life, and she was never really starstruck. But standing there talking to him, she actually found that she was rather nervous.
“So is this a habit of yours?”
“Is what a habit?” Rie questioned, turning around so that her back was against the deck.
“Going around picking up guys at Obama fundraisers.”
“Ohh, no. Of course not,” she laughed. “I’m open to McCain events as well.”
“See. Now I gotta stop talkin’ to you,” he played along.
“Now why you wanna go and do that, love?”
“You had me thinking I was special.”
“Hey, man. Love is a battlefield,” she admitted with a wide smile. “You had me for a hot minute, but then that Mexican Colin Farrell walked in the door and I had to redirect my attention.”
Justin turned just in time to see a Hispanic guy making his way through the living room of the house, and he definitely did resemble Colin Farrell “ bushy eyebrows, spiky haircut, and mole included. Justin couldn’t help but laugh at Rie’s description. “You’re leaving me for him? Really?”
“The heart wants what it wants. What can I say?”
“Do you go for black Angelina Jolie’s as well?” he offered, eyeing a lean caramel-colored woman with Angelina’s trademark eyes and even a hint of her lips.
Rie scrunched up her nose and turned her head towards Justin. “You can have that one, homie. Look, she’s lookin’ right at you.”
“I’ll pass,” he announced, finally turning back around. “Besides, the company here is infinitely better.”
“Well, I don’t mind white Justin Timberlake’s myself, actually.”
“Aren’t you sweet.”
“The funny thing is, I’m really not,” she grinned, taking it upon herself to pat his back. “I guess you really are special.”
This time, he physically recoiled from the touch of her hand, and he was suddenly thrown back into his reality, it seemed. He took one last look at the stranger beside him and bid her goodbye. “Hey listen, it was nice meeting you, Rie.”
“Are you leaving?” she questioned, confused.
“Yeah, I gotta run.”
“Oh.” She was thrown off by his sudden shortness, being that they seemed to be doing just fine a few seconds before. “Well all r--.”
He was headed inside before she could even finish her sentence. Rie began to wrack her brain, trying to figure out precisely what went wrong, but her thoughts were put on hold when Jessica entered the patio.
“Hey,” she greeted her sweetly. “Listen, don’t take that personally,” she told Rie.
“What personally?”
“Him leaving like that. He’s just been a little…” she trailed off and reconsidered her words. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Oh,” Rie gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Psh. I wasn’t even thinking about that,” she lied. “I’m surprised he talked to me that long.”
Jessica smiled, but she knew Rie had to have been taken by surprise. “Well, I just wanted to assure you that it wasn’t you. He’s usually very sweet; he’s just… “
“Hey, don’t mention it.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “Listen, we’re gonna get out of here, but I was talking to Jac, and we’re gonna meet up next week to work out, so hopefully I’ll see you soon?”
“Umm, yeah. That would be great,” she agreed, downing what was left in her plastic cup, which was mainly melted ice. “I’m sure we’ll cross paths soon.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Yo, Jess,” Justin interrupted from the sliding door of the house. “Can we go?”
“I’ll be right out,” she told him.
“It was nice talking to you,” Rie proclaimed before he could escape again.
He gave her an odd look “ not particularly mean or malicious, just odd “ and then nodded. “I’ll be in the car, Jess.”
“I’m sorry,” Jessica finished, disappearing from the balcony as quickly as she’d appeared. She met Justin outside at the valet area, where he was walking around in circles as he awaited his navy blue Beemer. “Dude, that was rude.”
He gave her a bored look and continued pacing.
“Justin.”
“Look, I came out like you wanted me to. You didn’t say I had to be nice.”
“You’re making this way too hard, Justin.”
“What the fuck,” he glared at me, and then over to the paparazzi that made no secret of the fact that they were in the bushes. “I talked to her, and now it’s time to go. What did I do wrong?”
His car thankfully pulled up just in time for her to not answer his question. They entered the car silently, and were left to contemplate exactly what was going on here. Jess knew it would take time. He’d been damaged, and that was to be expected, but she wasn’t sure if she was up to the challenge.
She’d seen him through any and every problem he had with Talis, and she wanted to be there through whatever obstacles he had with the next one. She was his best friend, his go-to girl, and she loved that. But when he was in that headspace “ the one where he was admittedly fucked up “ he was so hard to get along with. She didn’t know how much fucked up she could take.
“How long is this gonna last?” she finally asked him quietly, hoping he would give her an answer and not an argument.
He kept his eyes on the road, but he was clearly concentrating on an answer for her. “I need closure, Jess. She walked out on me without anything but some nonsensical excuse, and that’s just not good enough for me,” he answered honestly. “I don’t think I’ll trust anyone until I at least get some closure. So please, don’t rush me through this.”
She nodded quickly, wishing that she could give him what he needed, but for once in their lives, she actually couldn’t. “All right.”
Author's Notes:
Eeep! I am so glad you guys are enjoying it. Thanks for all the feedback! I thought I'd put this one up before I head to the movies (Go see The Dark Knight everyone, it's fab!) but I'll be sure to reply to everyone's comments when I get back. Thanks again, y'all!
-Ash
3 >> What's Wrong
It’s a rather tame Sunday afternoon, and I’m enjoying an awesome cup of green tea yogurt right outside Pinkberry in Beverly Hills. I’m with one of my closest friends, Lindsey Glueckert, and we’re discussing the Dodgers when my phone rings.
“Who is this,” I drop my cup to the table and begin searching through my excessively large purse for my iPhone. I pause when I finally find it and see Talis’s face staring back at me.
“Who is it?” Lindsey asks when she notices that I’m frozen. I show her the Halle Berry-lookalike face adorning my phone and she scrunches up her nose. “What does that bitch want?”
“I dunno,” I say, looking down again. I have a split second to answer and actually find out, so I do. “Hello?”
“Hey Jess,” she says on the other end. “You busy?”
I am so tempted to hang up on her, but curiosity gets the best of me. “No, what is it?”
“Umm. I kinda need your help,” she breathes. “If you don’t mind.”
“Seriously?” I roll my eyes so that Linds can see my frustration, but press on. “What could I possibly be able to help you with?”
“Could you maybe go by Justin’s house and… pick up some of my things for me?”
“What?” I chirp. “Are you insane?”
“Listen, I know you hate me, as well you should,” she offers, “but my entire life is in that house, and I need some of it back.”
“And I’m supposed to do what exactly?”
“Could you just… I dunno,” she sighs. “Just pack up some of my stuff and I’ll meet you somewhere to pick them up?”
“Are you kidding right now, Talis? No,” I scoff. “Hell no.”
“Jess, please.”
“So you can keep running away from him? No.”
“Come on, all my clothes are there,” she pleads lamely. “All my jewelry, my makeup--.”
“And Justin,” I finish for her, a bit bitingly. “You better buy some new shit, because there’s no way I’m doing that for you.”
“Jess, I need my things.”
“Talis, if you want them that badly, you can take your ass over there and get them. There’s no way you’re gonna worm your way out of facing him,” I maintain sternly. “He needs some closure, and the least you can do is give it to him.”
“I told you I’m sorry, but--.”
“You left him,” I begin to yell, “not me!”
“I know,” she concedes. “But I just can’t face him.” Her voice is weak and her sighs are heavy. “I can’t.”
“Then I can’t help you.”
“Wouldn’t it be better if I just disappeared completely? So he can forget all about me?”
“He’s not gonna just forget you,” I retort. “He’s in pain; he’s in denial. He needs an actual ending from you. That’s the least you could do for him.”
“I just… I can’t,” she repeats sadly.
“Why?”
“I don’t know why. I just don’t have it in me.”
“That’s what doesn’t make sense to me,” I say. “This is not you, Tails. You’ve always been headstrong and confident and, as far as I know, completely in love with Justin. Why are you acting like this?”
“Jess,” she whispers, “please, just help me out here.”
“Whatever it is, please just tell me.” From the fragility in her voice, I can tell there’s something more that she’s not saying, but I can’t figure out what. There’s a long pause, and I wonder if she’s crying or just trying to gather the balls to tell me. “Talis?”
She exhales sharply. “Are you gonna help me?”
I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. Hell, I even hate the thought of having this conversation with her, because I’m most certainly Team Justin on this one, and there’s a huge part of me that still hates her for what she did. But, we’ve been friends since high school, and there are very few people in my life that are as close to me as we are, and I doubt there are many more to come. I can’t just say no. “Fine.”
“You are such a lifesaver,” she tells me. “Thank you, Jess.”
“Listen, if I get caught, I’m selling you out.”
She lets out a short chuckle and a sigh of relief. “I’m not picky about what you can get. Just so long as there’s some underwear, something to sleep in, just… whatever you can do.”
“I make no promises.”
“I know.”
“Hey, just out of curiosity,” I start to inquire, “where are you staying?”
“Umm. I’m at the Chateau Marmont.”
“You’re seriously staying right down the street?”
“Well where am I supposed to go?” she defends. “I mean, not that I can really afford to stay here much longer, but I mean… I dunno. I’m at a loss right now.”
“You’re a mess right now,” I say honestly.
“I know.”
There’s another long pause between us and I feel like her nervousness is radiating through the phone. I look at Lindsey cautiously before asking her, “Talis, are you pregnant?”
“No,” she states definitively. “No, nothing like that.”
“Well then what is it?”
“When can you meet me?” she blatantly avoids the question.
I’m out of options, so I just give in. “I’m not sure. He’s spending time with his mom right now, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to get over there for a while. I’ll call you.”
“Jess, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.”
“Bye, Talis.” I end the call and give my friend a bored look. “She wants me to bring her some of her stuff from Justin’s.”
“Why the hell can’t she get it herself?” Lindsey demands, frustrated with this as much as I am.
I shrug and shake my head. “There’s something going on, but I just don’t know what it is.”
“That’s not your issue,” Linds comforts me. “And neither should be getting her shit. If she wants it, she needs to go over there and face him.”
“I know. But she won’t, and I’m not gonna let her do that to Justin.” I take a look into my cup of melting yogurt and then stare into the street ahead of me. “I feel so bad for him,” I sigh.
“He’ll be all right, Jess.”
“I know. I just worry about him because that’s what I do.”
“What do you think he would do without you?”
“I guess… I don’t know,” I blink.
“He’d get by,” she assures me, resting her hand over mine. “You cannot protect him from his own life, no matter how much you’d like to.”
“He needs me,” I attempt to convince her, though it’s quite possible I’m more about convincing myself.
“Says who?”
“Says… Well he told me to never leave him,” I reason.
“Fine. Be there for him, be his friend; but no matter what you think about how he’ll be affected, you have to let him hurt.”
I know she’s right, as much as I hate to admit it, so I stop defending myself. “I saw him laughing the other night,” I eventually proclaim. “He met a friend of mine at the thing at Karen and Michael’s,” I go on to explain. “And since he’d been so upset, I kept my eye on him most of the night. I don’t know what she said to him, but… shit. He couldn’t keep a smile off his face,” I recall. “And there’s a small part of me that was kind of… jealous, maybe? I just “ I wish I’d been able to do that. I’d been trying so hard all week, and then five minutes with her and he’s laughing and smiling and, like… Why couldn’t I do that for him?”
She gives me a look of pity. “Jess.”
“I know it’s stupid. I mean, I’m glad anything could make him smile… but it stung a little bit,” I acknowledge. “So yeah, maybe you’re right. It’s not my place to save him.” He won’t let me.
“Just… try and take a step back,” Lindsey advises. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve put him before yourself. Maybe it’s just time you rearrange your priorities.”
“Yeah,” I agree, looking down. “Maybe so.”
>>>>>>>>>>
Justin’s mother, who lovingly insisted on spending the entire day with her son, sat at his kitchen counter, watching him at the stove. “Justin, are you okay?”
He turned around and gave her a smirk. “I’m fine, mom.”
“I know you keep saying it, but you’re being so quiet. It’s not like you.”
“The house is quiet. I’m being quiet with the house.”
She sighed and began to pick through the red grapes in front of her. “I worry about you,” she said honestly.
“Everybody does, apparently.”
“It’s because we love you.”
“I know, mom.” After placing the last salmon croquette in a pan of oil, he wiped his hands on a dishtowel and turned to face his mother. “But I’m okay. I’m not great,” he admitted. “I cry every now and then, I get angry, I go through my brooding moments,” he chuckled at his use of the word. “But I’m in repair. I’m not happy yet, but I’m getting there.”
Lynn smiled at her sons’ positive attitude. She knew there was a good chance that he wouldn’t take this very well, being that she’d seen him through some pretty rough moments, and they were never easy. When he was depressed, it usually meant that everyone around him was too, and she’d prepared herself for that inevitability. But this? She wasn’t sure what to do with. He was making it so easy “ maybe even too easy.
“Have you talked to her?”
“I haven’t,” he sighed, leaning against the counter. “But I haven’t tried to call or anything. I think it would fuck me up even more when she didn’t answer the phone.”
“Have you talked about it?” she reoffered, staring at the top of his lowered head. “With Trace, or Jess, or… anybody?”
“A little bit.” He went back to the stove to quickly check his food, but really, he wanted to avoid the discussion. “Not much to say, though.”
“I know… but--.”
“I just wish I knew why,” he added, abruptly cutting off his mother. “I mean, there’s all this mystery and drama surrounding it, which is what drives me insane most. Why couldn’t she just talk to me?”
“I wish I knew,” she replied sadly.
“I just feel like there’s nothing in this world so big or so bad that we couldn’t have fixed. I just don’t get it.” He looked to his left to see Jessica’s brown and blonde ponytail approaching the back door. “We’ll talk about it later,” he told Lynn.
He went back to his cooking just as his friend entered the house. “Hi,” she announced meekly, giving Justin a wave. She went directly to his mom and offered a hug. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” Lynn cooed. “How are you, sweetie?”
Jessica nodded, placing her purse and keys on the counter. “Can’t complain.”
“We were just talking about your friend,” she revealed. “Have you spoken to her lately?”
“Who’s my friend?” Jess inquired, taking a seat next to Lynn. She figured that they were referring to Talis, but she wasn’t going to bring it up if no one else did.
“Talis,” Justin inserted, turning back around. “You don’t have to act for my benefit.”
“I’m not acting!”
“You know who she meant,” he chided.
Jess laughed with a roll of her hazel green eyes, but continued to avoid the question. “Whatcha makin’ over there?”
“Just some salmon cakes and wild rice. You want?”
“I’m good,” she declined. “It’s nice to see you in the kitchen, though.”
“That’s what I told him,” Lynn inserted. “I haven’t seen him cook since Christmas.”
“I’ve cooked plenty of times since Christmas, mom.”
“Well, not for me you haven’t.” She smiled and picked herself up from the stool, excusing herself from the room. “I’ll be right back, y’all.”
Jessica watched Lynn leave and then turned back to Justin’s silent form at the stove. She wondered what he would say if she told him that Talis had called. He’d been doing pretty well for the past couple of days “ not great, but good “ and the last thing she wanted to do was piss him off. She figured it was inevitable, but she just didn’t know whether to do it now or later.
“I feel like I need to start working on another album,” Justin eventually broadcasted to her. “What do you think?”
“What?” she sputtered, taken by surprise.
“An album,” he repeated, turning to join her at the floating counter. “I feel like I’m ready to go back into the studio.”
“Seriously?” She studied his eyes for a moment, trying to find signs of anything abnormal “ panic, confusion, sadness. But he seemed relatively placid. “Are you bored with the whole producing thing?”
“Not at all,” he retorted adamantly. “I love it, and I think I’ll probably produce a lot of my own album, actually. I just “ I feel like I’m ready to get back to making music for me, you know?” She nodded quickly, but bit her lip nervously, which caused Justin to take notice. “Jess, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I think that’s great…”
“But what?”
“I just wonder if you’re ready to do that.”
“Why wouldn’t I be ready?”
“You’ve been through a lot, Jus. I don’t know…” She sighed and gave him an obligatory smile. “You’re not rushing this, just a little?”
“I don’t think so, no.”
“It’s only been a few days since… everything.”
“Which is exactly why I feel like I should get back in the studio,” he explained excitedly. “The best music, the purest music comes from raw emotion.” She nodded again, but he still wasn’t convinced. “Okay Jess, seriously. What’s wrong?”
“I just don’t want you to rush anything. You’re gonna go back to the studio, Jive is gonna be on your ass, trying to figure out what you’re doing, because like you said, they always are, and you’re gonna be stressed out. Remember when you were making the first one and you used to say how ridiculous they were being?”
“I was, what? Twenty-one back then? I was bitter and stupid,” he laughed. “Wasn’t I a lot better with FutureSex?”
“Not really,” she chuckled. “You’d call me from the studio at six in the morning, Jus.”
“But only because I didn’t wanna leave. Not because I was being held hostage or somethin’.”
“I just think it’s too soon.”
“Okay,” he reconsidered, looking her in the eye. “Today is… what? October…”
“Nineteenth,” she finished for him.
“All right. October nineteenth.” He began counting days and numbers in his head. “How about if I wait until December?”
She was thinking more like summer, but she knew he would never wait that long. “How about January?”
He shook his head at her worrisome ways, but agreed. “Fine. But if I come up with anything good before then, I’m going in.”
She smiled in accordance. “Fine.”
“You’re going in what?” Lynn returned from the restroom just in time to catch the tail-end of their conversation. “What’s he up to now?”
“I’m going back to the studio in January,” Justin told his mother.
“To work on your own stuff?” she questioned hopefully.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “You know I’m at my best when I’m going through hell.”
“You know what I always say. ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going,’” she laughed sweetly.
“Exactly,” Justin chuckled as well. “I already have some things written down; I think it’ll be interesting to see where I go with this one.”
“Just don’t go after Talis too badly?” Jess suggests.
“Come on Jess, you know me.”
“Which is exactly why I’m putting in the request now.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“Rie, you really didn’t have to come with me, sweetheart.” Tina, Rie’s mother, took the passenger seat of her daughter’s Jeep, and they headed for the Cedars-Sinai OCC.
“I know I didn’t have to,” she glanced at her mother. “But I wanted to. I’ve been avoiding this shit like the plague, but I just need to suck it up and do it.”
“Don’t kill yourself over there,” Tina chuckled tiredly. She’d been in and out of chemotherapy for the better part of summer and fall, and it had taken its toll on her. “I’m glad you’re here, though. I hate sitting there alone.”
“I’m sorry, ma. I’ll come more often,” she promised.
“Rie, it really is okay. I know you usually have your weddings on the weekends.”
After entering the highway, Rie gave her mother a caustic look. “I think I’m gonna quit the wedding photography business.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s just not for me, ma.”
“Making money isn’t for you?” she questioned, staring at the side of her daughter’s face. “You’ve made a great living doing that the past few years, I don’t know why you would want to leave it behind.”
“It’s just not in me to serve other people,” she shrugged. “I never wanted to do it my whole life. It was just something to do out of college.”
“And you’ve made it a great business. I wish you would learn to stop quitting things just when they’re getting good for you.”
“There’s a difference between good for you and right for you,” she responded rationally. “And after a while, I can’t settle anymore. I have to find what’s right.”
Tina shook her head in pity and wrapped herself further into the red blanket Rie had knitted for her the previous Christmas. Her daughter had many talents, but it seemed that none of them included commitment. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you.”
“I’ll be fine, mom.”
“What are you doing for money?”
“I’m not broke,” she laughed. “And I have a few freelance jobs lined up with some big magazines, so I’ll get by.”
“This is the worst time of year to be looking for a job, you know.”
“Mom, seriously.” She began to switch lanes as she spoke, “I don’t know what my next move is, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I know, I know. You always do,” she finished for her. “Just do me a favor please? Before I die, just please, commit to something besides yourself?”
“You’re not gonna die, ma.”
“Well I sure as hell ain’t immortal, sweetie.” She let out a fairly jolly laugh, especially considering her miniscule size, and looked out the window to the roads of San Bernardino. “I don’t mean tomorrow, but just… one day “ preferably soon “ just try it on for size and see how you like it.”
“I already know I won’t,” she rolled her eyes and smiled. “But for you mom, love of my life, I will try to do that one day.”
“That’s all I ask,” she replied. “And maybe think about cutting your hair, girl. It’s getting unruly.”
Rie’s purple and black locks stretched all the way down her back, stopping just above her behind. It was the way she liked it. “I like unruly,” she grinned. “You know that better than anyone.”
“That I do,” Tina sighed. “That I do.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“Jess, thank you so much,” Talis greeted her long-time friend, opening the door to her Chateau Marmont bungalow. She took the large box Jess had been toting from her arms and placed it on the floor before bringing her friend into the room. After shutting the door, she pulled Jessica into a long, tight embrace.
Jess was wary of her, but still, she hugged her back. “Talis.”
Finally letting her go, she stood back and stared at her. “You look good,” she noted.
Talis, on the other hand, did not. She’d always been the pretty one in their friendship, if there was a comparison. Talis Nixon was nothing short of perfect, and everyone knew it. Perfect skin, perfect teeth, perfect bone structure, perfect hair, perfect body. Their entire high school class referred to her as Halle Berry, because she resembled her so closely in, not only appearance, but demeanor as well “ articulate and sexy, but deemed nice enough to be approachable. No one wondered why Justin was so in love with her.
But lately, she had been anything but perfect. Somehow, she’d fallen out of touch with who she was, and her looks went along with it. Her skin was pale, eyes reddened and puffy, her short curly hair matted and uncombed, and she’d been wearing the same outfit of William Rast jeans and a hoodie for almost three days.
“T, what are you doing to yourself?” Jess questioned with sympathy in her voice.
“I don’t know,” she stated honestly. “I totally fucked this one up, and I have no idea how to make it better.”
“But what did you do?”
“I left him,” Talis announced, as if Jess didn’t already know. “I left… the perfect man.”
“Why did you leave?” Jess pried. This bothered her more than it did Justin, it seemed, but as the person who introduced him to Talis, she felt a bit responsible for this whole situation. She needed to know why.
“It’s complicated,” she told her.
Jessica walked past her friend to sit down on the long couch of the hotel room. “Explain it to me.”
“Okay, it’s not that complicated,” she reconsidered with a meek smile. “I fucked someone else, Jess.”
“That’s a joke, right?”
“I wish it were,” she answered sadly. “At the bachelorette party, there was this guy “ the bartender I told you about…”
“The one with the dimples?” Jess recalled him looking a lot like The Rock.
“The one with the dimples,” she confirmed. “I took him into the bathroom at the party and we had a little ten-minute quickie. Then we met back at the house, of all places, and did it again.”
“You did it in Justin’s house?”
Talis began to cry as she shook her head in shame. “I couldn’t marry him that way,” she croaked out.
Jess couldn’t deny that she was a little stunned. Not only was Talis a model citizen, but she’d been cheated on in college, and it was the worst ordeal she’d ever been through. It was just something she didn’t at all condone. Still, it was Hollywood, so Jess wasn’t completely shocked. “I don’t think it’s that horrible,” she finally told her. “I mean, you were wasted, you were nervous, you--.”
“I wasn’t drunk,” she corrected her. “I didn’t wanna get married with a hangover, so I drank very little. I was very conscientious of what I was doing.”
“Oh…”
“In fact, I cried all the way through the second time,” she admitted hoarsely. “And… I have not stopped crying since.”
“Even so, T… it’s Justin. He would forgive you in a heartbeat.”
“But he shouldn’t! That’s the problem,” she cried. “He deserves so much better.”
“Look, I dunno if you’re such a perfectionist that you really believe you’re not allowed mistakes, or what,” Jess began to lecture, getting up from the sofa, “but this does not have to be the end of the world. Was it stupid? Yes, incredibly. But one bad move does not make you a bad person. It does not negate the other five years and some-odd days that you put into that relationship. And Justin, of all people, is not gonna condemn you for one moment of weakness on a day where you were feeling all kinds of fucked up anyway.”
Talis just kept shaking her head, as if to say there was no way that could be true. “If I’m fucking another guy the night before my wedding, I’m not ready to be married. And Justin deserves more than that.”
“Now that’s true,” Jess agreed. “He deserves much more than what you gave him. Running away from the wedding, leaving him to take the blame, the humiliation, with no real reason? That was so much more unforgivable than your cheating.”
“I know. That was horrible. But I just couldn’t face him after that.”
“Well, doing it in his house was pretty fucked up,” Jess added a bit sarcastically. “But, I mean, he wouldn’t throw away you guys’ whole relationship because of it. I can’t believe you don’t know him any better than that.”
“Jess, please don’t make me feel any worse about this.”
“No, you deserve to feel worse. You completely screwed him by being too selfish to even own up to this,” she fired back, eyeing Talis. “You deserve to feel like shit until you tell him the truth.”
“I love him too much to hurt him like that.”
“You mean you love yourself too much.”
“Jess.”
“No, it’s true. The best proof of love is trust, and you clearly do not have enough of either of those for Justin if you can’t tell him what’s going on.”
“I can’t.”
“You owe him that, Talis.”
“I know, but I can’t!”
“Then we have nothing else to say to each other,” she finished. “Don’t call me unless you’re ready to talk to him, too.”
Author's Notes:
And I'm back with another one! I broke the D and C keys on my laptop, which makes it extra hard to type, so I won't say much lol. I just hope you guys enjoy!
-Ash
4 >> A Good Day
“What are you doing today?” Justin questioned to his best friend as he puttered through the house, searching for something he wasn’t quite sure of. “I’m bored.” Since he had been scheduled to be on his honeymoon for the better part of three weeks, for the first time in four years, he honestly had nothing to do.
“Umm,” Jessica thought through her day for a moment and answered, “I’m headed over near you for a few; I’m going running with a few friends. And then, I’m doing a little shopping with Lindsey. And later tonight, I… have a date.”
“A date?” he questioned in disbelief, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder. “A real one?”
“Yes, a real one,” she let out a chuckle.
“With whom?”
“With none of your business,” she grinned, proud to have him asking questions about her for once.
“You might as well tell me now; you know I’ll find out.”
“It’s nobody,” she maintained, putting him on speakerphone as she exited her Brentwood home.
“Is it someone I know?”
“It’s nobody, dude. What are you doing today?”
“That’s not a very nice way to refer to your date,” he mocked her, a smile finally adorning his tired face. “Are you outside?”
“Yes,” she drawled, getting into her silver RX Hybrid. “I told you I’m on my way to Runyon.”
“”Who are you going running with?”
“Again, no one you know.”
“Jess, I’m not liking this secret life you have going,” he joked, heading down his staircase. “I’ll meet you.”
“You will?” Jessica was wary of his offer, being that he’d been so out of it the entire week, but she also didn’t want to discourage him from getting out of the house. Every outing was another baby step towards the man he was before Talis left him.
“I could use a good jog,” he rationalized. He entered his kitchen, grabbing a couple of Suntan apples from the fruit bowl near his refrigerator.
“Well all right,” she agreed. “I’ll see you in like twenty minutes?”
“Should I meet you there, or are you gonna come here?”
“I’ll meet you at the Mulholland entrance?”
“All right, twenty minutes,” he finished, pulling a knife onto his island counter. “And Jess?”
“Yeah, Jus?”
“Don’t put me on speakerphone anymore.”
“Bye,” she grinned, ending the call with a shake of her head. She was more than happy to see that he was slowly, but surely, getting there.
Justin continued with his task of cutting his two apples into thick slices, arranging them on a small plate. He grabbed a package of organic banila yogurt from the fridge and took a seat at his kitchen table. He’d always been a relatively healthy eater, but with Talis being the fitness nut that she was “ much like Jess “ his cabinets were always full of fresh, and organic, and soy. He didn’t hate it, but he certainly didn’t love it. He wouldn’t have minded having a pancake that wasn’t whole wheat every now and then.
For a minute, he figured since she was gone for the moment, it wouldn’t hurt if he ditched his apples and banila for just one day. He was about to run it off anyway. But the thought of being free from her diet was more than he wanted to accept, so he went along with his simple breakfast and briefly contemplated what he would do with himself for the rest of the sunny Wednesday.
>>>>>>>>>>
Rie and Jac arrived at Runyon Canyon Park at precisely 10:00 AM, picking a spot for Jacqueline’s Audi just outside the parking lot. Rie was a morning person, but certainly not a runner, so she wasn’t quite sure how or why she agreed to this. The fact that Jess practically invited her made it sound a lot more appealing than it actually was.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Rie announced to her friend, piling out of the car. She pulled her black and purple hair into a high ponytail and watched Jac begin to stretch. “You’re so into this, aren’t you?”
“Listen, Jessica Biel invites me to go running, I’m all over it,” she replied evenly. “I’m sure she knows people in the modeling industry.”
Rie smiled at her limber friend, admiring the way her long limbs effortlessly stretched behind her. Rie wasn’t out of shape by any means, but her definition of working out was walking to Whole Foods instead of taking her beloved Jeep. She embraced her curves “ her thick thighs and round booty were what made her who she was. She never committed to anything “ not a man, not a job, and certainly not a diet “ so she figured as long as her stomach remained flat, she was more than fine.
“I dunno,” she finally sighed, gazing through the gates of the large park. “Maybe I should sit this one out.”
“Oh come on, you love Jessica.”
“I know, I know. But man, have you seen her workout routine? It’s insane.”
“It’s just a run, Rie.”
“Says the chick who eats three pancakes for breakfast and spends the rest of the day working it off!”
“You’ll have fun,” Jac assured her, just as Jessica came running up to the pair.
“Hey, guys,” she cheerfully greeted the friends, donning a pair of spandex running pants and a dark green sports tank “ an outfit that left little to the imagination.
Rie stood behind Jessica, discreetly eyeing her perfect body. Looking up to Jac, she mouthed, “Insaaane.”
“It’s a great morning,” Jess commented, completely oblivious. “I haven’t had a good run in ages.” Of course, to Jessica, that referred to a span of about two weeks.
“I know, I can’t remember the last time I came through here,” Jac piped up, strapping her iPod to her wrist. “You guys ready?”
“Actually, I invited my friend Justin,” Jess informed them, “so I just wanna wait a few minutes to see if he shows.”
Rie gave Jac and expectant look, just before pulling her shades over her face. She’d told Jacqueline all about the awkward encounter she had with Justin the previous Thursday, and both of them decided that they liked him a little less for it. It wasn’t a big deal at all, but they did think it rather odd.
“Cool,” Rie finally submitted with a grin. She clipped her own iPod to the waistband of her shorts and bent over, preparing to stretch her five foot seven frame alongside her friends.
Not long thereafter, Justin was making his way up the steep hill that led to the crowded entrance to the park. He passed through the area daily, so he was used to seeing runners contorted in all sorts of directions just before they commenced their jogs into the park. Even so, he sometimes found himself mesmerized by all the ass begging to be noticed on his treks through the hills, and this time was no different. He was only human, after all.
He smiled when he spotted Jess standing just a few yards away, and then found himself involuntarily licking his lips when he approached their group, greeted by Rie’s behind. He had no recollection of who the ass belonged to, and even worse, he didn’t care, but he did well with appearing unaffected. Luckily, his sunglasses hid the fact that he was pretty much staring.
“Good morning, ladies,” he announced, surprising the three.
Rie popped up from her compromising position at the sound of his voice, and gave him her best fake smile. “Hello there.”
He stopped in his tracks when he realized he had been eyeing someone he’d already met. “Hey.”
“Justin, you’re on time,” Jess marveled. “Glad you made it.”
“I told you I’d be here.”
“Jus, these are my friends “ I think you already met Rie,” Jess introduced as they shook hands for the second time. “And this is Jac.”
“Good to meet you,” he offered, taking her hand as well.
“Same,” Jac replied simply.
“You ready,” Jess asked him, trying to get a gauge on his mood.
“I’m ready if y’all are.”
“We’re ready,” Jac decided for the other three females, turning so that the four of them stood in a straight line.
“So how do you all know each other?” Justin asked as they headed towards the entrance. “I thought I knew all of Jess’s friends.”
Rie chuckled at the ridiculous notion and informed him, “Jess and I worked together on a movie a few months ago.”
“Yeah, this is the girl I told you about,” Jessica began explaining to him. “She’s the one who drove from Columbia to Charlotte just to get this specific fabric they needed in wardrobe. She was amazing.”
“Ohh, this is the perfect PA I’ve been hearing about?” Justin realized.
“Yes!”
“Guilty as charged,” Rie nodded, turning to give Jac a discreet look of shock. She couldn’t believe Jess had actually mentioned her to other people. Or at all, really.
“She used to talk about you all the time.”
“I’m flattered.”
“I was just really impressed,” Jess furthered, leading the other three down the dirt-covered trailhead. “And Jac is Rie’s best friend,” she made sure to add. “She’s a model.”
“Aspiring model,” Jac inserted.
Justin peeked back to Jac and decided she could easily be a model. She certainly had the height and lack of width, as well as a rather androgynous look about her. He didn’t find her especially gorgeous, not that many models actually were, but certainly unique. “You’ll make it,” he finally said encouragingly. “If you really want to be, of course.”
“Thank you,” Jac blushed with a timid smile.
“Okay,” Jess initiated, “I was thinking we could take a run up Indian Rock, head down towards Fuller, and then do a full circle walk back up here.”
Rie watched Justin and Jac nod in agreement, so she decided to do the same, not really knowing what she was getting herself into. She figured she would just take their leads, so when the iPod earbuds came out, she joined in, settling on Madonna’s ‘Hard Candy’ to run to, and took off with the group.
Justin could keep up with Jessica, for the most part, but he knew that when she got in a zone, she was literally gone. She broke out ahead of everyone, though she was conscious not to stray too far ahead, while Jac kept a comfortable pace just behind Justin. Rie was bringing up the rear, as she expected, but there was no shame in her game. Hell, she was just glad to still be able to see the rest of them.
It wasn’t until they nearly reached the top of Indian Rock, a ridiculously steep area of the many highs and lows of the park, that she was willing to admit defeat. She stopped dead in her tracks, thighs burning, completely out of breath, and bent over, holding her knees in fatigue. She considered sitting down altogether, but she didn’t want to cause the rest of the group to stop and search for her, so she began walking.
She had gotten lost in her own world, quite contently in fact, when she spotted Justin’s long green shorts bent over just a few feet ahead. Amused by the sight, she quickly jogged up to him. “That’s what you get for showin’ off,” she joked.
He lifted his head at the sound of her voice and chuckled. “What’s what I get?”
“You having to stop.”
“But what if I stopped just to wait for you?”
“Then that would be very noble of you, sir. But I wouldn’t believe it.”
He stood to his normal six foot two stance and stared down at Rie. “And why wouldn’t you?”
“Well,” she studied him from behind her dark glasses as well. “Seeing how rude you were to me the other night, I kinda don’t trust you, man.”
“What?” his voice went up an octave. “I was not rude,” he defended loudly.
“You were rude,” she maintained, beginning to walk again. “I was mid-sentence and you just vanished!”
He began to walk as well, following not far behind her. “I told you I had to go.”
“Yeah, but it was abrupt as fuck. Who does that?”
“Well…I also told you I was weird.”
She rolled her eyes playfully, already pegging him as the type to never admit he was wrong. “Fine, you’re weird,” she conceded. “I don’t trust weird people.”
“You said you were weird, too.”
Pleasantly surprised that he’d actually paid attention in their previous conversation, she replied with a smirk, “Yeah, but who says I trust myself?”
“Touché,” he granted with a smile.
“So are you gonna tell me why you left, or what?”
“You’re not gonna believe me no matter what I say, so why does it matter?”
“Try me,” she pressed.
“And what makes you think I trust you?”
“I’m about ninety percent sure that you don’t,” she chuckled, “nor should you. I’m just testing you.”
At least she was honest, he figured. “Why don’t you just walk,” he continued smiling, unsubtly avoiding the subject. “I’m not as open as you clearly are.”
“Oh man, if only,” she sighed, walking beside him as they made their way up the steep trail. “So is it because you’re private or because you’re guarded?”
He narrowed his eyes, though she couldn’t quite see it, and pondered the question. “Is there a difference?” he finally decided to ask. “I guess… I think I’m a bit of both, thanks to the business I’m in.”
“That would make sense,” she nodded slowly. “Though I have to say, I found you refreshingly un-guarded the other night.”
“Really?”
“Up until your disappearing act, of course.”
“I assure you, that was a rare moment for me.”
She laughed to herself at the irony of his statement, but played along with him. “I figured.”
“But if it helps my case, you were the first thing to make me laugh all week.”
“See, that’s not fair. You can tell me anything you want now since you know I won’t believe you.”
“Yeah, now who’s guarded,” he shot back teasingly.
“Ah, touché.”
>>>>>>>>>>
At about a quarter to noon, Rie, Jac, and Jessica found themselves sitting in Justin’s kitchen, engaged in animated discussion. At some point during their hike and the subsequent invitation back to his house, Justin decided that Rie was an exceptionally cool person.
People flocked to Justin, no matter where he went, no matter what he did. He was, undeniably, a likable guy, and he definitely embraced that. However, it was rare that he found that trait in someone else, so he was proud to have made the observation about Rie.
“You know what I didn’t understand, though?” Jac announced. The three females in the group sat at the kitchen table, discussing the Sex and the City Movie, while Justin prepared a plateful of sandwiches for his guests. “Why did it take Samantha five years to figure out she wasn’t the monogamous type?”
“I know,” Jessica agreed. “It’s like, yeah, she had cancer and he went through it with her, but why even pretend you’re gonna stay with him? You know?”
“I liked that side of Samantha,” Rie disagreed. “It was completely out of character for her, yes, but I think it’s possible that if your significant other is significant enough, you can change a few things for them.”
“But you don’t completely change who you are,” Jac countered. “Her longest relationship was what? A couple of months with that Richard dude, right?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Yeah, and then she goes five years with Smith? Now you know that didn’t make any sense.”
The emphasis on “five years” caused Justin to tune into the conversation, in spite of how much he wanted to avoid paying attention. “I agree with Rie,” he proclaimed, just before washing his hands again.
“You do?” Jess questioned, surprised he even knew what they were talking about.
“Yeah,” he brought the plate of random sandwiches over to the table and sat down with them. “Yeah, I think it was obvious that Samantha wasn’t herself. She was sick, she was out of her element because she was actually not in control of something, she was vulnerable… And he was a good guy, you know? I mean, he didn’t just want the sex, but he wanted her, and he threw her for a loop with that.”
“Wait a minute,” Rie had to keep herself from simultaneously laughing and swooning as she picked from the plate of food. “You watch Sex and the City?”
“I am a proud fan, thank you.”
“Are you really?”
“Well, not really proud “ in fact, this doesn’t leave this room,” he stated with a lowered voice. “Jessica.”
“What did I do?” she played innocently.
“You know what you did.”
“So you’re really a fan?” Jac attempted to clarify.
“Really, yes. Between all the women in my life, it was pretty unavoidable, so yeah.”
“He’s not just a casual fan either. Dude was there opening night when it came out this summer,” Jessica added for him.
“I think that’s awesome,” Rie finished seriously. “And even more awesome because you agree with me.”
“Awesome or not, you’re both wrong,” Jac retorted. “The writers got lazy and copped out with that whole Smith and Samantha storyline.”
“That’s bullshit,” she shook her head. “There’s no reason to think that a woman can’t change for a good man. Or vice versa. “
“Exactly,” Justin continued. “If the other person is worth it, you’re gonna be willing to make a few changes.”
“But there’s a difference between a few changes and then totally rearranging who you are as a person for someone else,” Jess inserted. “And Samantha was not the monogamously long-term type of woman.”
“Yeah, but you have to take into account that she was on the way down,” Rie kicked in for her and Justin’s side. “If something comes along that’s good for you “ it may not be right for you, but if it’s good for you “ you’re not gonna let it go, are you?”
“Rie, for someone that doesn’t have a monogamous bone in their body, I can’t believe you’re saying this,” Jacqueline laughed.
“Har har,” she rolled her eyes. She noticed Justin eyeing her as he took a large bite of his sandwich, and she suddenly felt very exposed. “It’s not about monogamy, though. It’s just as simple as this awesome guy falling into your lap at the precise moment that you need something awesome to counteract all the bullshit you’re going through.”
“Right,” Justin nodded, swallowing his food. “And no one in their right mind thought she would stay with him forever. But he served his purpose for those five years of her life. It may have seemed out of character for the Samantha we saw for most of the show, but in that same vein, Samantha actually was out of character.”
“Exactly. That was the whole point,” Rie agreed. “So it wasn’t a copout.”
“It was exactly what they were trying to convey.”
Rie and Justin glanced at each other awkwardly, both of them a bit awed by the fact that they were so completely on the same page. On the other hand, Jac and Jessica found it rather suspicious. “Are you fucking him?” Jac finally asked, point blank.
“What?” Rie exclaimed. “What the hell, Jac!”
Justin couldn’t help but laugh, as he was so used to this. “See, this is how rumors get started.”
Jessica laughed as well, though not as heartily or definitively as Justin did. “That’s funny,” she added softly.
“Well, I just thought I’d ask. You keep looking at each other oddly; you disappeared during our run; now you’re finishing each other’s sentences…”
“You’re aware that we just met on Thursday?” Rie answered solemnly.
“I know, I know. It was just… weird,” Jac defended looking around nervously. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“Well, to answer your question, definitely not,” Justin confirmed with raised eyebrows. “I didn’t even know we were giving off that vibe, did you?” he directed to Rie.
“Vibe?”
“That really awkward and scandalous, ‘Ooh, you know they must be fuckin’ vibe.’”
“Oh yes, that one.” Rie nodded and then shrugged offhandedly. “I don’t think I’ve given off that vibe since high school.” Justin laughed and Jac could only roll her eyes at her friend, while Jessica remained concentrated on the half of a turkey sandwich in front of her. “I dunno, we’ll have to work on that,” she finished.
“Well guys,” Jess finally broke into the conversation, “I hate to break this party up, but I have a shopping date with one of my friends in a few.”
“Oh, that sounds like fun,” Jac answered. “Where are you guys going?”
“I’m not sure; probably Rodeo for a while and see what we can find.”
“I can’t wait until I can afford to buy something on Rodeo,” she chuckled.
“I can’t wait until I can afford to buy something on Rodeo,” Justin chimed in, causing the other three to laugh. “Are you going shopping for your date tonight?” he teased Jess childishly.
“Still none of your business,” Jess smiled back.
“Ooh, you have a date?” Rie questioned. “I can’t remember the last time I had one of those.”
“I know, right? For some reason, Jus is obsessed with mine.”
“Well Jess, I wouldn’t be obsessed if you’d just tell me who you’re going out with.”
“I’m not gonna tell you just so you can find something wrong with him. It’s just a friend,” she replied vaguely, yet again. “If all goes well, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
“You better,” he narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you ladies doing the rest of the day?” he directed to Rie and Jacqueline.
“I’m not sure,” Rie yawned, rising from the table. “Jac wanted to go see that new movie with Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. What was the name of it?”
“’He’s Just Not That Into You,’” Justin answered for her, getting up from the table with the other two women.
“Yeah, that,” she nodded. “So we’ll probably do dinner and a late showing of that.”
“Sounds like fun,” he offered, showing his guests to the front of his house.
“What do you have planned for the night?” Jessica asked him cautiously.
He shrugged. “Not much of anything really. Maybe some laundry, read a book.”
“You’re too adorable,” she chuckled as she opened the door. “Call me later?”
“I will,” he nodded. “We should do this again sometime.”
Rie inwardly smiled at the thought of doing anything with Justin again. It was all becoming unfathomable to her, but she was willing to take it and run with it. “Hey, do you wanna come with us tonight?”
“Me?” Justin seemed taken aback by her invitation. In fact, everyone did. “Umm.”
“I mean, I know laundry is a pressing matter, but being a lover of chick flicks and all, I thought you might enjoy it.” She flashed her pristine smile and awaited his answer.
“Very funny.” Scratching through his short hair, he fixated on the walkway ahead of them as he answered, “Umm, yeah. I’d like that.”
No one was more surprised than Rie when he accepted. “Really?”
“Wait, were you just fuckin’ with me?”
“No, no,” she quickly refuted, “I’m just surprised you’re accepting. …But then you know I have trust issues with you.”
“Oh, yes. Of course,” he grinned. “But no, I think it’ll be cool. If that’s all right with you, Jac.”
“That’s totally fine with me,” she answered, more amused than anything else. “Where do you wanna eat?”
>>>>>>>>>>
Several hours later, Justin, Rie and Jac had enjoyed a low-key dinner at the famed Lawry’s steakhouse in Beverly Hills. Over steaks and wine, they mostly bonded over stories of living in Los Angeles, but also continued discussing Sex and the City, Justin’s clothing line, the fantastic world of iChat, and Justin’s pride and joy, Memphis, Tennessee. It didn’t take long for any of them to figure out that they could officially be considered friends.
After running up a $350-dollar tab at Lawry’s, the threesome headed for Arclight Cinema on Sunset for a 9:50PM showing of their movie. Now, the movie was over and Rie and Jac were finishing business in the bathroom while Justin retrieved his car.
“So?” Jac asked her friend as they rinsed their hands.
“So?” Rie repeated in confusion. She gave herself a once-over under the fluorescent light of the bathroom, frowning at what she saw in the mirror. “So what?”
“So what do you think of him now?”
“Who? Justin?” The pair moved over to the automatic dryers, and conversation ceased as their hands dried. “I think he’s cool as hell,” she finally announced.
“I think he likes you,” she intimated as they left the bathroom altogether.
“He better like me. I’ve given his ass some of the best conversation of my life.”
“Rie, you know what I mean.”
“Nah,” she finally shook her head, making her way up the extra-long flight of steps that led to the exit. “He’s just out of a relationship, he’s liable to like anything that doesn’t make him cry.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No,” she frowned. “You do realize that we just met like five days ago, right? And not only that, but he’s Justin Timberlake. I’m surprised we made it this far.”
“Is this your version of denial?”
“Jac, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even registered that I’m a female,” she chuckled. “He likes our company, hopefully thinks we’re cool, but I highly doubt we’re even a blip on his radar like that.”
“Now you know men are not complicated creatures. If there’s pussy in the vicinity, the dog is gonna chase it,” Jac rationalized. “It’s very simple.”
“Justin’s more complicated than you give him credit for.” They entered the parking lot, seeing Justin’s supersized white Rubicon waiting just ahead. “See, most guys would not be this efficient.”
He watched in amusement as the girls approached his monster of a Jeep and struggled into it for the third time that evening, as most women had to do. “You’ll get the hang of it,” he assured Rie with a smirk as she piled into the passenger seat. “Everyone does.”
“Next time, we take my Jeep,” she exhaled dramatically. “I almost killed myself hopping out of this bitch in these.” She was sarcastically referring to her sequined flats.
Justin looked back to make sure Jac was situated before taking off towards his house. “So what did y’all think of the movie?”
“I dunno,” Rie answered first, beginning to imitate Randy Jackson. “It was a little pitchy. I gotta say, it was just okay for me.”
“It could’ve been better,” Justin agreed. “Especially if you’re gonna make it based on such a popular book.”
“I liked--.”
Jac’s sentence was cut off by Rie. “Wait a minute, there’s a book about that nonsense?”
“Chyeah,” Justin dramatically answered in his signature imitation of a Valley girl. “Like, it’s the most popular book ever?”
Laughing, Jacqueline added, “Yeah, like, where the hell have you, like, been?”
“I clearly was not aware that bitches needed a book to figure out a guy doesn’t like them.”
“You’d be surprised,” Justin nodded with raised eyebrows.
“I know a few bitches that need a book to figure out that a like them, so I’m really not surprised at all,” Jac supplemented. “We’re not always all there.”
“Jac, shut up,” Rie rolled her eyes, annoyed by her implication.
“No, see that’s very interesting to me,” Justin furthered. “Because I was under the impression that women had their shit together, like, ninety-nine percent of the time.” Rie and Jac laughed loudly at the concept, causing him to smile. “No?”
“Hell no,” Jac countered. “Maybe we’re just really good at making it seem like we do? But we’re just as clueless about you as you are about us.”
“There’s not a chance that that’s true.”
Rie laughed tiredly and rested her head against his window. It had been a long day and she was exhausted, but she definitely enjoyed Justin’s company. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted him to know that, but it was impossible to hide from herself, at the least. “So you’ve never been diggin’ on a chick that didn’t quite get the message?”
“Umm, no,” he deadpanned as he turned from Hollywood onto Mulholland. “I’m pretty horrible at being clandestine about my feelings.”
“Now there’s not a chance that that’s true,” she countered. “I thought you were one of those super guarded people that never let anyone in.”
“I never said I never let anyone in. It just takes a long ass time for me to get there.”
“Do you ever wish you weren’t that way?”
“I dunno. Not really,” he yawned. “Because there’s always this thing where… like… Okay,” he reconsidered, “I’m not the type of guy that thinks he can have any woman in the room. But, for whatever reason, people have this idea that, you know, I wanna take a girl home every night. But even if I pass up like fifteen women on any given night, there’s always that one girl that I’ll see in the grocery store or something, and I’ll go up to her with my balls already in her hands, and introduce myself. And she’ll be smug and tell me that I’m just trying to add another notch on my bedpost, or something equally ridiculous, and it’s just the most discouraging thing in the world, because I’m so not like that. It’s always the one girl I’m willing to save every point for, that runs away, and it’s just…frustrating. But it makes me realize that I’m glad I’m guarded.”
Suddenly, Rie was very proud of herself for sucking up her fear and walking up to Justin that night at the Obama fundraiser. Not that she was The Girl he was referring to, but just in case she fit the bill, she was glad to have saved him the trouble. “Such bullshit,” she commented, shaking her head. “Don’t you just hate women?”
“You live and you learn,” he shrugged. “I don’t mind being jaded.”
“Okay, so… be honest,” she shamelessly pried, “is the famous version of you anything like the real you?”
“Well…” he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, making his way through the steep and winding road up to his house. “What do you think?
“That depends. Have I been getting the real you?”
“This is another one of those cases where you’re not gonna believe me no matter what I say, isn’t it?”
Once again, Justin and Rie were in a zone where Jac didn’t quite exist in their conversation, so she just sat back and watched the show. She didn’t mind so much, being that Rie was the more talkative of the two. She dared to ask him questions that Jac would never even think of, and she liked getting to know Justin through Rie’s eyes.
“Dude, if you were honest, you wouldn’t have to worry about me believing you.”
He sighed loudly and gave a hint of his signature chuckle. “You’re so wonderfully difficult.”
“Stop avoiding the question, homie.”
He quickly pulled into his neighborhood and made his way up the long driveway, pondering her question. “I think it’s been a kind of interesting social study for me, going back and forth between the guy at home, and the guy on the road, and the guy in the studio, and the guy in the interview. I think your environment has a lot to do with your character, and yeah, my character at home changes.”
“How so?” The car was stopped and she was looking at him as he stared at his steering wheel. “And which one is more fun?”
He smiled before he answered. “Umm, I’m definitely very domesticated at home,” he decided with a nod. “I like to cook, I do the laundry, my dogs are like my kids.” He became a bit somber as he mulled over the home version of himself “ formerly known as the Talis version. “I think the famous me is a little bit more charismatic, but a little more irresponsible,” he admitted. “The at home me is smarter than I let on, more thoughtful… I dunno, there’s a lot.”
“I’ll take it,” Rie offered, inhaling his words. “I believe you.”
“You should. I’m only full of shit the first eighteen hours of the day,” he deadpanned. “So since it’s eleven-fifty, we’re good.”
“That’s very reassuring,” she retorted.
After another long glance in her direction, he exited the car, his companions taking the lead. “I had fun,” he told them sincerely.
Jac nodded, but leaned against her own car, situated just a few feet away. She was clearly tired. “I did, too. I’m glad you came.”
“Co-sign,” Rie finished, walking up to him. “I hope we can do this again sometime.”
“We will,” he confirmed. He considered giving her a hug or handshake, or something to cap off the night, but an anxiousness swept over him that caused him not to. “Y’all have a good night, all right?”
Rie nodded and watched him awkwardly escape for his back door. So much for working on that scandalously awkward vibe they were giving off. “Good night, Mister Timberlake!”
It had been a good day, Justin figured. He had no mishaps to report, he made a couple of new friends, he hadn’t thought too much about Talis at all. It was a good day. But then, he came walking back into his room at somewhere close to midnight, and realization struck him once again. For the ninth night in a row, a concept he still had not quite adapted to, slapped him in the face. He was still alone. And suddenly, the day didn’t seem quite as good anymore.
Author's Notes:
I decided to give you guys a couple of the cast pictures for this chapter! They'll be coming in spurts as the story moves along.
Talis Nixon: (Copy & Paste link) http://i36.tinypic.com/xll1sp.jpg
Justin Timberlake/Jessica Biel: (Copy & Paste link) http://i34.tinypic.com/24pzbzl.jpg
Other than that, thanks so much for reading and replying, you guys! I hope you enjoy this one! -Ash
5 >> Back
“All right, fair enough,” Justin laughs. Our morning walk sends us down South Bristol Avenue with our dogs as he requests, “So since you avoided me all day yesterday, tell me about your date Wednesday.”
“Oh my god, you are so obsessed!”
“Because you’re being all secretive and shit,” he defends. “Since when do we hide things from each other?”
My stomach churns at the fact that I’ve been keeping my contact with Talis a secret from him since Sunday. He’d kill me if he knew. Still, “My dates are my business,” I maintain, looking down to the sidewalk ahead of us. “I’m really surprised that you care so much.”
“Well, Jess, if I’m gonna be hanging out with this dude on a regular basis, I need to know what he’s like.”
“I don’t even know what he’s like yet! Just give me some time to get to know him first,” I tell him. “You know how you need time just to figure out if it’s worth pursuing?”
“I guess,” he grants reluctantly. “I usually know right there at the beginning, though.”
“You think you know,” I correct him.
“Jess, I know. When you meet somebody, it’s either there or it isn’t. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t think it’s that simple, but you know… do you.”
“I do me very well, thank you.” He stops so that his baby, Brennan, can do her business in a secluded corner of the street. “Could you at least tell me his name?”
“Jus,” I sigh.
“Seriously, I’m gonna keep bugging you until you give me something, so you can play coy as long as you want, baby.”
“You are so annoying,” I chuckle. “His name is Ryan.”
“Ryan,” he nods slowly as we resume our stroll. “Okay.”
“Does that satisfy your ridiculously nosy ass?”
“No, not really. What does he do?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Jesus, Jess, are you ashamed of him or something? As your best friend, I just want to get to know whoever you’re getting to know.”
“Well, you’re doing that with Rie already, so you can just leave Ryan alone,” I tease him.
“I’ve only met her twice,” he counters, “and one of those times was extremely short.”
“But long enough for you to decide that ‘it’ was there?” I theorize. “Yes?”
“I didn’t say all that…”
“But you said you always know immediately.”
“But I’m currently not looking,” he bolsters. “So just take your little theory and go sit down somewhere.” We continue through our walk, reaching the outer edges of Brentwood before turning back towards my house. “Dude, it’s not Ryan Seacrest, is it? Because I think he’s a little bit gay.”
“No!” I laugh. “And he’s a lot gay.”
“Yes, a lot gay,” he agrees. “So what does this guy do?”
I sigh again, knowing that the minute I state his profession, Justin will have his answer. “He’s an actor,” I finally confess.
“Oh-em-eff-gee. You’re dating Ryan Gosling?” he exclaims loudly, sounding identical to a Gossip Girl.
“Shhhut up,” I hiss, turning to make sure there’s no one following us. “And no, I am not.”
“Ryan Reynolds?”
Okay, well so much for me instantly giving him away. “No, Jus.”
“Meg… Ryan?” he questions warily.
“Ryan Phillippe, you idiot.” I’m laughing, but shit if he didn’t make that one difficult.
“Ohh!” he shouts in realization. “Dude, isn’t he married?”
“Uh, no. He and Reese divorced like a year ago,” I remind him. “And I know I told you she was dating Jake...”
“Oh yeah, you did tell me that,” he recalls vaguely. “Well that sounds like fun.”
“Shut up,” I smirk at him. “I know you’re just itching to say something negative.”
“I’m not gonna say anything.” We stop again, while my dog, Tina, does her thing alongside a tree. We both wave at a car full of girls that pass by us, flailing excitedly. “I’ve heard he’s a major douche,” Justin finally inserts, “but I already know you can’t believe everything you hear. Otherwise, that would make me a major douche as well.”
“I knew you couldn’t resist.”
“What?” He looks around innocently, pushing his shades further onto his nose. “I was just commenting.”
“You’re just so adorably predictable,” I grin. “But no, he’s a cool guy. Like I said, I’m gonna see where it goes.”
“That’s a good idea,” he nods. “This is like your free movie preview weekend.”
“My what?” I chuckle.
“You know, when HBO shows the free movies to the public so they can get more customers,” he explains. “The bliss period. Where you’re showing, like, you know… whatever movies you like. Shawshank Redemption and Schindler’s List, and he’s showing… whatever he likes. You put out all your best shit, like, ‘Yeah, I’m really chill and fun, and not clingy at all.’ And he’s like, ‘Oh totally, I’m a great listener and not even remotely douchey.’ And even though it’s all bullshit, it’s just the really fun, exciting part of the relationship. Before you buy and it turns into, like, the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre every fucking night,” he laughs.
“You know I can kick your ass. I don’t even know why you start with me.”
“Because you and I are so far past the free movies that it doesn’t even matter.”
“Oh, then what are we?”
“We’re in the stale ass popcorn phase,” he cackles jovially.
I’m not even sure what he’s talking about anymore, but I do know that it’s great to see him smile “ even with me. “It’s nice to have you back, Jus.”
He drops his arm around my neck, and smiles as we continue our walk. “It’s good to be back.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“Hi, may I speak to Rie?” Justin nervously asked when an unfamiliar voice answered the call he’d made.
“Sure, who’s calling?” the female voice requested.
“This is Justin,” he answered politely.
“Hold on juuust a sec.”
As he held, he considered hanging up the phone all together. He had no idea why he was calling, being that he had nothing to say, but he came across her number as he was searching for his cousin’s, and figured now was as good a time as any to utilize it.
“Hello?” Rie asked, finally making it to her phone.
“Rie?”
“Yeah? Is this seriously Justin?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Who else would it be?”
“Oh my god,” she laughed. “When my mom said Justin was calling, I thought it was Jac playing an evil joke or something.”
“Aww… Does that mean you would want me to be calling?” he teased.
“Well, I suppose. I did give you my number and all.”
“What are you up to?” he grinned into the phone.
“Not much,” she yawned. “My mom came in yesterday for a quick visit and I’m driving her back to San Bernardino this afternoon.”
“That sounds like fun,” he returned. There was a short silence before he added, “What’s your mom like?”
“My mom?” she seemed staggered by his question. “Umm… God, she’s… she’s the best,” she described simply. “She’s been my best friend since the beginning of time. Like, for as long as I can remember, it’s just been me and her, so… yeah. She’s the love of my life.”
Justin internally smiled at Rie’s description, as that basically summed up how he felt about his own mother, so he loved seeing that point of view from someone else. “Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel,” he agreed. “So many people take their moms for granted.”
“Yeah, I think we’re all guilty of that at some point. Mom is usually the one person that’s always been there, like, from the day of conception. I don’t think we realize how dependent we are until they’re not around as much.”
“That’s so true,” Justin granted. “My mom used to be with me basically twenty-four seven until I moved out here. Then it was like, ‘Oh honey, I’m just gonna stay at home with your dad.’” His voice went up two octaves and he put on his thick Southern accent to imitate his mother’s drawl. “I missed her so much.”
“You are so dumb,” Rie laughed heartily. “You know what? I met your mom once.”
“Really? Where?”
“It was at this country club over in Bev Hills,” she recalled. “It was like a couple of years ago, I think; I was there with some guy I was dating. And I remember seeing your mom, she was going around asking if anyone had some Claritin--.”
“Probably for me,” he chuckled. “I have the worst allergies.”
“Oh gosh, me too,” she inserted. “But yeah, I went over to her and gave her my last one and she was so sweet. Your mom’s adorable.”
“Like mother, like son,” he chuckled.
“Indubitably.”
“You know,” he proclaimed, “since you’ve met my mom, it’s only fair that I meet yours.”
“You can meet my mom,” she offered enthusiastically. “What are you doing today?”
“Absolutely nothing,” he answered definitively. In actuality, he had unofficial plans to meet Jessica for lunch, but those could always be rescheduled.
“You feel like taking a drive?”
“Uh, will you be doing the driving?”
“Of course,” she grinned. “Unless, of course, you don’t trust me.”
“Well you already know where we stand with that.”
“Ooh, sorry. I forgot.”
“If you’re driving, then I accept,” he laughed. “I’d like that.”
“You do realize that you’re building up false hope here, accepting two of my two invites,” she joked. “I’m gonna start thinking you actually like me soon.”
“Shit, we wouldn’t want that to happen, huh?”
“Sounds dangerous.”
“I thought you liked dangerous,” he remembered.
“I do, but only when I’m in control of it,” she retorted.
“Well that’s an oxymoron.”
“Ooh, I like those, too.” She couldn’t contain the smile on her face, which was becoming sort of a habit when he was in her presence “ even telephonically.
“If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll turn you down the next time you ask me out.”
“’Scuse you, I’m not asking you out,” she corrected him. “I’m asking you… out.” She laughed, realizing how ridiculous that came out. “Shut up.”
“Yes, that made complete sense,” he retaliated sarcastically. “It’s okay, though, I like being asked out.”
“Really? I hate it.”
“Is that why you always make sure you do the asking first?”
“Always?” she exclaimed. “It’s only been twice!”
“Twice in four days, though. That’s, like, a record.”
“Fuck you,” she giggled. “You’re the one calling me at eleven on a Saturday morning.”
“Anyway,” he switched subjects. “What time should I be heading your way?”
“Well, we were gonna leave around one, so, can you get to Sherman Oaks by twelve-thirty?”
“I think I can handle that.”
Rie loved that she could hear the smile in his voice. “My mom’s gonna freak,” she grinned back. “She has a slight crush on you.”
“I have that effect,” he admitted. “I’ll do my best to behave, though.”
“I’ll see you later.” Still smiling, she ended the call and looked at the screen of her BlackBerry. A part of her simply couldn’t fathom that the last number on her call log was Justin Timberlake’s. “Wild shit,” she said contemplatively.
“What’s wild shit?” Rie’s mom questioned, meandering back into the living room of her daughter’s house. “What’d you do?”
“I didn’t do anything, mom. Just… life is funny.”
“I take it this has something to do with JT calling you?” Tina was almost giddy at the notion.
“Oh god, don’t call him JT,” Rie whined. “And yes, it does.”
“What’d he say? Is he over that child that left him at the altar yet?”
“How do you know about that?” she frowned.
“Girl, I have cancer, I’m not dumb, deaf, or blind. People are talking about that everywhere.”
“Well whatever,” Rie sighed. “I’m sure he is, but please don’t mention anything about it today,” she warned.
“Today?”
“He’s gonna come with us to take you home.”
“No way!” Tina cackled. “I hope you told him he better watch out for me.”
“Ma, he’s my age. That’s nasty,” she smirked.
“Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, Rie. Don’t sell yourself short over something as futile as that.”
Rie rolled her eyes at another one of her mother’s pearls of wisdoms, though she always tried to take them to heart. “Just don’t overdo it, mom.”
“You know I never do.”
>>>>>>>>>>
Justin arrived at Rie’s Sherman Oaks home at exactly 12:30 PM, dressed down in a pair of sweats and a University of Memphis t-shirt. He was glad to see Rie dressed similarly when she answered the door.
“Hi,” she greeted him cheerfully. By now, she knew he wasn’t into hugs or handshakes, so she just let him into her modest home.
“How are you?” he asked, timidly making his way into the foyer.
“I’m good.” She breezed past him to lead him into her den, where her mother sat, watching Thursday’s episode of Lost. “Ma, you ready?”
“Not yet, Rie,” Tina answered, not turning from the flat-screen television. “Lemme just finish these last twenty minutes.”
“That was a great episode,” Justin inserted, startling her. “This whole season has been so dope.”
At the sound of Justin’s voice, Lost had become a… lost cause on Tina. “I’m sorry, hello there.” She slowly rose from her chair to greet him.
Ever the polite guy, he made his way over to her first, offering his hand. “Hi. I’m Justin.”
“Tina,” she smiled. “What a pleasure.”
Justin immediately saw Rie’s face in her mother’s. Their smiles were identical, they were that same chocolate color, and had those bright almond-shaped eyes. The only notable differences were that Tina was much more petite than her daughter, and her hair was extremely short. “The pleasure is all mine,” he grinned back.
“You ready to go now, ma?” Rie interjected, seeing that she was no longer interested in the show.
“I’m in no rush,” Justin told her, just in case she was a bit harried for his benefit. “I wanna see the end again anyway.”
“Was it good?” Tina questioned.
“So good.”
“Justin, are you sure?” Rie queried. “I don’t wanna tie up your whole day.”
“Please do,” he replied sincerely. The less time he had to spend at home or around situations that reminded him of Talis, the better.
“All right,” she conceded. She stepped down into the sunken room and took a seat on her circular couch, watching as Justin followed suit, sitting on the opposing end. “You’re too funny,” she commented.
He looked over to her innocently. “What?”
“Nothing. You’re just funny.”
“Funny… looking?”
“That too,” she laughed. “Anyway…”
Tina, who’d wrapped herself in her favorite blanket, took a seat back in her chair and pressed Play on the DVR. The three of them were immediately engrossed in the last segments of the episode and even continued on to watch a previous episode of CSI. That is, before they all fell asleep.
It wasn’t until almost 3:00, when Rie awoke with her feet propped against Justin’s legs, that she realized they had yet to move anywhere near San Bernardino. “Shit,” she whispered, sitting up.
Justin stirred as well and opened his eyes to the unfamiliar room surrounding him. It took him a minute to recognize where he was. “Was I asleep?” he yawned, already knowing the answer.
“I think we all were,” she noted, scratching through her endless black hair. “Geez, it’s so late.”
“What time is it?”
“Rie, you’re still taking me home,” Tina interrupted, waking from her own nap, “so don’t even try it.”
“You know you wanna stay with me one more day.”
“I need my Sunday to myself,” she refuted. “And it’s two-fifty,” she replied to Justin. “You’ll be home before six if we leave now.”
“I know, I just don’t feel like driving,” she complained.
“Adrienne, get your wide ass up off that sofa.”
“Adrienne?” Justin asked in surprise, looking over to Rie.
“My mom likes to think that’s my real name.”
“That is her real name,” Tina told him.
“I thought you said Rie wasn’t short for anything.”
“Well, I lied,” Rie exhaled. “Shall we go?”
Justin gave her a look that instantly told her he was wondering what else she’d lied about, but he didn’t want to be rude in front of her mother, so he let it slide for the moment. “Yes, let’s go.”
>>>>>>>>>>
About two hours later, Justin and Rie were leaving Tina’s home, headed back west towards Los Angeles. Rie knew that he’d been put off by her little white lie, because he’d been acting weird the entire ride up there. He was charismatic as ever when her mom spoke to him, but he had become very curt with her. Not that she blamed him, but she hated it, nonetheless.
“I specifically asked you if it was short for anything,” Justin announced, turning off the radio as she turned onto I-10. “Didn’t I?”
“You did,” she forfeited. “I don’t know why I lied.”
“Because it comes so easily?”
“Look, I really didn’t think we’d ever talk again. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”
“Then what was the big deal about telling the truth?”
“Because,” she began to defend. “I just… I don’t know. I hate the name Adrienne. I’m Rie, and I always have been.”
“Fine.” Justin obstinately sat back in his seat and stared out of the window in front of him. “You should’ve taken the 60,” he told her, referring to the less crowded Pomona Freeway. “Less traffic.”
“How about you not tell me how to drive?”
“I’m just sayin’, we could be halfway home by now.”
“What’s wrong with the 10?” she frowned. “There’s no traffic.”
“When we get closer to LA, there will be traffic.”
“The Pomona drops us in downtown LA,” she argued. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I definitely do. Your mom lives closer to Riverside anyway, so the 60 was more convenient.”
“Could you just trust me?” she requested with finality.
“Oh yeah, sure I’ll trust you, Adrienne.” His voice was thick with sarcasm, but he eventually smiled and all the tension seemed to float out of the air.
“Hey, thank you for being so cool with my mom.”
“Are you kidding? Your mom is great,” he dismissed. “Way, way, way cooler than you.”
Her jaw dropped in shock and she looked over to him. “I beg your pardon, where do you think she got it from?”
“Pretty much anyone but you,” he grinned.
“Asshole.” Her eyes went back to the road as she shook her head. “Really though, I appreciate it. My mom doesn’t have a lot of joy in life, but she paints on a happy face anyway, so it meant a lot for you to come along today,” she told him earnestly.
The moment he met Tina, he assumed she was going through some form of chemotherapy, but he didn’t want to pry. However, since Rie seemed to be putting out there, he figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. “Does she have cancer?” he inquired softly.
She nodded quickly and licked her lips. “Umm. Yeah, stage three breast cancer.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she returned quickly. “It’s fine. She’ll be fine. We’re fine.”
“I can tell,” he nodded. “She’s got spunk.”
“Spunk?” she laughed. “Did you really just say ‘spunk’ in my car?”
“I happen to like the word, ‘spunk,’ thank you.”
“I don’t even think that’s a real word!” she was still laughing. “My mom does not have spunk, she’s got attitude. Like me.”
“Your mom would appreciate the compliment.”
“Coming from you,” she reasoned, “maybe. It’s still a stupid word, though.”
“You know you’re gonna start using it now. You’re gonna start putting it on your résumés and shit.”
“Pshh,” she scoffed. “I wonder what it’s like to be so lame.”
“Aw, hell naw,” Justin shot back loudly.
“Yeah, I said it.” She gazed at him as they approached a section of cars that had slowed down considerably. “What you gon’ do?”
“Absolutely nothing,” he deadpanned staring straight into her eyes. “However, let the record show that I was right about the traffic.”
“Good thing you don’t trust me then, huh?”
>>>>>>>>>>
It wasn’t until around 8:00 PM that Justin returned home, with a bagful of Animal Fries accompanying him. He and Rie had just eaten Chinese before he left her house, but he had a craving on his way home that he was stoked to satisfy.
He entered through his kitchen, flipping though the old calls on his BlackBerry Bold and dropped his bag to one of his counters. He chuckled to himself, seeing that Jess had called him four times, figuring she was just being as worrisome as she always was, and began to check his voicemail.
As he went through the various messages, he thought he heard footsteps in the living room, so he shouted, “Rach, is that you?” He didn’t see Jessica’s car in the driveway, so he just assumed it was his cousin.
He was in the middle of chuckling at a message from his mom when a familiar figure reentered his life at probably the least expected moment. “It’s me,” Talis announced.
His eyes darted up to her voice and, due to sheer disbelief, all he could do was stare.
“Hi,” she stated tentatively.
As he continued to stare, he kept his phone up to his ear, and realized that he was receiving a message from Rie. “Hey dude,” her voice came over the phone, “just wanted to let you know that you left your wallet at my house, so um, I’m gonna go ahead and bring it over to you. And hey, let’s pretend this isn’t just an excuse for me to see you again. Hopefully, you didn’t get stopped by the police and are now sitting in a jail cell,” she chuckled. “But then, I guess things like that don’t happen to guys like you? Anyway,” she sighed, “I’m on my way. So um, I hope you get this before you realize you left your wallet and you come back my way and we miss each other by, like, fourteen seconds. You know how that always happens in movies? Anyway, I’ll… see you soon. By the way, thank you, again, for coming today. You are, officially, an awesome dude. Bye,” she drawled out the last word before the voicemail lady was telling him to choose an option.
“Are you gonna say anything?” Talis eventually asked, seeing that he had not taken his eyes off of her.
He turned off his phone and looked down at his flip-flop-covered feet. He didn’t know what to say. “Get out.” It was the first thing that came to mind.
She audibly inhaled and exhaled at his demand, but didn’t move. “Justin, I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be. I just came to tell you that I’m sorry, and--.”
“Don’t fucking try to talk to me about this,” he spat. “Just get out.”
“I have to call a cab, but I’ll go.”
“Get out!” he shouted.
Nodding, she turned for the other room to gather her purse. A few seconds later, she escaped the house via the front door.
He rotated his position to face his counter and gripped the edges tightly. He was almost seething at the sight of her. He couldn’t believe that she had the gall “ the audacity “ to waltz into his house like that after two weeks of no calls, no emails, not even a text to explain herself. “What the fuck,” he whispered to himself. He never once thought that he’d react that way after seeing her again, but he was stunned. All of his good days seemed to be ruined by her lately.
He threw his Animal Fries away “ she’d ruined his appetite “ and headed for his bedroom. Halfway up the steps, his doorbell rang. He just knew it was Talis, wanting to wait for her cab inside the house, so he was prepared to tell her to walk her ass down the driveway and wait at the bottom of it. But he was surprised for the second time that night to see Rie.
“Hey,” he swung the door open.
“Umm, hi,” she grinned, handing over his wallet. “I umm “ this chick at the gates let me in; I hope that was okay?”
He frowned and peered down his yard, futilely looking for Talis somewhere in the distance. “Thank you.”
“Is… everything okay?” she asked cautiously.
“No.”
“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
He shook his head, but turned back into the house, leaving her to follow behind. “Shut the door,” he told her.
She did as told and trailed him into his living room, taking a seat on the sofa across from him. After a long few minutes of no words being spoken, she finally stated, “So… long day, huh?”
With his arms crossed, he just watched the space on the wall behind her.
“So… you excited about football season?” Still no answer. “I’m more of a basketball fan myself…” When it appeared that he wasn’t breathing, she had to speak up. “Justin, this is fucking weird. If you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine, but I’m not gonna sit here and watch you stare at the pimple on my forehead. I already feel self-conscious enough as it is having spent an entire day with you without any makeup on.”
He couldn’t help but soften at her honesty. Her willingness to admit her vulnerabilities, even in a joking manner, always made him a lot less cagey around her. “I was supposed to be married by now,” he announced to the room, finally looking Rie in the eye. “But she left.”
“Talis, right?”
“Yeah. I um “ I guess you already know this stuff, huh?”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe anything I read.”
“Well, believe it or not, they got it right,” he allowed. “She walked out on our wedding day. No reason given, no sense made. She just left.”
“Wow,” she exhaled.
“And she showed up tonight, for the first time since the last time, and… I almost lost it. Like, if you hadn’t come by, I think I would’ve… I dunno…” he trailed off. “I told her to get out.”
“So that’s why she’s in front of your house lookin’ like a hooker?”
He couldn’t help but almost chuckle. “Yeah.”
“Are you angry? Or just frustrated? What are you feeling?”
“Broken,” he confided.
Rie gave him a sad look, and she wanted so badly to give him a hug, but she knew it wasn’t the time. “I’m so sorry.”
“I was okay,” he told her. “Like, I thought I had been doing surprisingly well.”
“You think so?”
“I feel like everyone, including me, expected this to be some big dramatic event where I’d be curled up in a corner for three months or something. I dunno,” he sighed. “For some reason, I was… okay. Not great, but okay.”
“So what changed?”
“She was here. Back in my house “ back in my life. Even though it was only for a few seconds, a mere minute really, I felt like she was standing there strangling me. I’d worked so hard at blocking her out, pretending she no longer existed. I dunno, maybe I figured as long as I didn’t see her, I didn’t have to accept that she ever really left.”
“Did you talk to her?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to hear what she has to say and I’m scared of what I’d say.”
“Will you talk to her?”
“At some point,” he guessed. “Not, like, tomorrow. But yeah… I mean, five years of my life were invested in her. I’m not gonna just walk away like she did, all cold turkey and shit.”
“Five years,” Rie marveled, shaking her head. “How do you do it? I… could never.”
“You don’t know what you’ll do until you really love someone,” he answered evenly. “It was like, you know how when you were a kid, you used to spin in circles, just to get dizzy?”
“Yeah,” she grinned.
“Love is like that. Everything in you says to stop before you fall, but you just keep going.”
“Hmm.”
“Why do we do that?”
There was a long silence between them, as she didn’t have an answer, until she finally noted sadly, “Hearts will be practical only when they’re made unbreakable.”
“The Wizard of Oz, right?” She nodded. “I don’t mind being breakable. This is the part where I’m fucked up and that’s fine. It’s like getting a baseball to the nuts, and trust me when I say that there’s no greater pain,” he chuckled. “But there’s no better feeling than when it stops hurting.”
She gave him an encouraging smile. “Well, I know I’m not much, but I can be here for you until the feeling fades.”
“Only until?”
“Yeah, unfortunately I have other people to save, so I can’t be wasting all my good vibes on you.”
“You mean I’m not the only one?” he smirked.
“Psh, not even close,” she chided. “But… I guess I can make an exception for you. I’ve been saving you for a while now, it seems.”
“A couple of weeks hardly qualifies as ‘a while,’ Rie.”
They were both laughing now. “How quickly we forget that I gave your mom my last Claritin for you.”
“Oh yes, how could I forget,” he shook his head. “I guess that would officially make you my hero.”
“Well… we’ll see about that.”
It Just Got Weird by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay, I'm going out of town for a hot minute, so I thought I'd post the next chapter while I have the time. Again, thank you for reading! And I'll be getting back to replying to you guys a little later tonight. -Ash
6 >> It Just Got Weird
“I think we need to get new locks,” Justin told his cousin, Rachael, as he spread peach marmalade over his toast.
She just gave him a look that begged the question, “What are you up to now?”
“Nothin’,” he smirked. “I just wanna get the locks changed. It’s about that time, don’t you think?”
“We just had them changed in August, though. Remember?”
He had yet to tell his cousin, or anyone actually, that Talis had come by his house the previous Saturday. But he figured that telling her over breakfast at the over-crowded Jinky’s in Santa Monica wasn’t exactly the best time or place.
“I don’t care,” he continued. “You can never be too careful.”
She swallowed a forkful of potatoes before finally asking, “Is this about Talis?”
“No, this is not about Talis,” he lied. “This is about our safety.”
“Uh huh.”
“Can I not be concerned about our safety?” He sat back in his seat and gave Rachael a playfully expectant glance. She reminded him so much of his mother at times, and not just because she took care of him. She looked like her, minus the black hair and ridiculous tan, and her voice was laced with that Memphis accent he sometimes needed to hear. Having her around was such a great reminder of home.
“Only when you’re being full of shit,” she shot back. “I could see wanting a new security code, but we don’t need new locks.”
“Oh right, yes, that makes more sense. Let’s do that.”
“All right, that I can do.” She pulled her BlackBerry from her purse and began typing on it faster than he could think. “So just tell me what you want the code to be and I’ll change it. Who do you want to have it?” she asked, “Besides Lynn and Paul, of course. And Jess?”
“Definitely Jess,” he nodded. “By the way, I wanna stop by Jess’s to pick up Brennan when we leave.”
“Kay,” she nodded. “Trace too, right?”
“Yeah, of course.”
She finally stopped typing and looked up to him. “Anyone else?”
He couldn’t believe that for a split second, he was actually considering Rie. He’d known her a total of about a week, and he was thinking about letting her into his life in the utmost form. “That’s it,” he quickly told her, shaking the thought away.
“You okay?” Rachael asked him with a frown.
He nodded and looked around the restaurant aimlessly. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t want Huch to have it?” she questioned, referring to his good friend, Justin Huchel. They spent a lot of time together when he was in town, so it only made sense.
“Oh yeah, him too. But that’s it,” he made sure to add.
“You’re very weird,” she laughed.
“That’s why you love me.”
“I love you because I have to, cousin.”
“Well… that’s why you like me,” he reconsidered.
“I like you because you pay me to,” she chided.
“Rach, that hurts.”
“Truth hurts,” she retorted with a grin.
As he was about to reply, they were suddenly approached by two females “ a brunette and a blonde “ that appeared to be in their early twenties. “Hi,” one of them greeted Justin, obviously nervous.
“Hello ladies,” he replied pleasantly. “How are y’all?”
“Good,” they answered simultaneously, causing Justin to laugh.
“We’re sorry to interrupt,” the brown-haired one inserted a bit more confidently than her blonde friend, “but we were wondering--.”
“It’s cool. What can I do for you?”
“Could you sign our napkins?”
“Umm, no?” he deadpanned leaving the girls rather dumfounded. His features then softened to a smile, and finally, a laugh. “I’m kidding.”
Rachael couldn’t help but chuckle when it appeared the two fans were breathing again.
“You sure you want me to sign a napkin, though?” he offered. “I do iPods, I do random magazines, I do receipts,” he suggested, rattling off the long list of items he’d autographed for fans in recent memory. “I can sign pretty much anything you got in your purse.”
“Ohmigod,” the blonde spoke up, “could you sign my iPhone?”
“Sure,” he nodded. “Rach, do you have your pen?”
Rachael went into her purse, pulling out the Sharpie that she kept specifically for this reason, and handed it to Justin.
“She’s so efficient,” he commented to them, taking the phone. He scribbled his signature over the silver backing of the expensive device and carefully handed it back. “You be careful with that,” he told her. “No do-overs.”
“I will,” she smiled widely. “Thank you.”
“All right, whatcha got for me?” he directed to the other.
She’d gone through her entire purse, dropping some of the larger items to the table, including her Mac Air and an issue of Us Weekly. “I’m so sorry” she told them, “I’m just trying to find my phone.”
Rachael looked up to her with a wide smile, obviously seeing how she could lose it in the suitcase that she called a purse. Justin, on the other hand, couldn’t avoid noticing that a picture of him was plastered on the cover of the tabloid with a bold yellow headline that bolstered, ‘He’s Moved on Already.’ His eyes scanned to the bottom, where, in smaller white print, it read, “Just a few days after being left at the altar, Justin Timberlake is back in action. Meet his new mystery girl and the secret behind how she snagged Hollywood’s hottest bachelor.”
“I can’t find it,” the girl finally gave up with a sigh. “Could you sign my computer?”
Being shook out of his fixation on the cover he looked back up to her. “Yeah, sure. Of course.”
“Thank you so much.” She threw the Us Weekly back into her purse and handed over her Mac, which Justin signed just above the fruity logo. He even added a smiley face for good measure.
“I should make a deal with Apple for a Justin Timberlake line,” he grinned, closing the top on his marker. “There you go.”
“Thank you again.”
“No problem,” he finished. “Y’all have a good day.”
“You too,” the blonde smiled again. The two girls gave each other matching looks of awe as they exited the restaurant.
“I know I say it all the time, but you are way too nice to your fans,” Rachael noted, finishing what was left of her hot chocolate.
“There’s no such thing.” He watched her roll her eyes at him and he smiled in reply. “One day, you’ll learn what it’s like to be a nice guy.”
“I’d rather leave that to you, dude.”
>>>>>>>>>>
I’m standing at my kitchen sink, downing a cup of coffee with Talis just a few feet away, when I suddenly see Justin’s unmistakably huge white Jeep pull up to my driveway. My eyes widen and I turn to his ex, who’s none the wiser. “Shit,” I say out loud.
Talis looks at me with her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“You have to go,” I tell her illogically. She has nowhere to go in such a short amount of time, but Justin will be livid if he sees her here.
“What?” she frowns and joins me at the window, where she can see the top of Justin’s car peeking over my gate. “What’s he doing here?” she hisses.
I shrug. “He didn’t say he was coming.” I grab my phone from the pocket of my hoodie, just to doublecheck. “He hasn’t called at all,” I state with panic.
“I’m just gonna slip out of the back.”
“And go where, Talis? You have no car.”
“I’ll just wait until he leaves,” she suggests, placing her own empty mug in the sink. “I won’t make a sound.”
I’m hesitant to let her do so, but I really have no other options, so I say, “Okay.” As I watch her exit to the left, I try to placate my panic mode while Justin walks into my house with Rachael in tow. I know he probably doesn’t suspect a thing, but I’m worried that some inadvertent sign of Talis’s presence is looming someplace that I haven’t noticed.
“Yo, Jess,” he calls out. I hear his footsteps approaching where I am in the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m in here,” I reply. I set my mug in the sink next to Talis’s and begin to put away the totally unhealthy Cinnabons that we’d been devouring.
He walks in casually, his William Rasts falling off of his nonexistent hips with just the right amount of loose. His RVCA shirt fits the same. He looks well-rested, and actually, pretty cute. “Hey,” he greets me.
“Hey,” I look up from my task. “Hey, Rach.”
“What up,” she grins back, taking a seat at my table. “Lemme get one of those before you put them away,” she requests, referring to the cinnamon rolls.
“Please, take those things away from me,” I chuckle. I slide the box over to her and then look to Justin. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” he shrugs. “Just stopping by to pick up Bren.”
“Already? She’s only been here for a day.”
“I know, I know. But we miss her; and since we were in the area…”
“Well, if I must,” I relent, pretending to be hurt.
“You must,” he laughs.
“All right, she’s out back with Tina,” I tell him. Then, it suddenly hits me that Talis is out there too, and I quickly add, “I’ll go get her.”
“Jess, did you get the email I sent you?” Rachael inserts with a mouth full of pastry.
I shake my head and innately glance towards my living room, where my laptop is currently set up. “I didn’t,” I say. “What was it about?”
“Just that Justin can do the benefit for MTDN. They do want you to appear at the Shriner’s tournament, though.”
I look over to Justin, who seemingly has no idea what we’re talking about, but he chimes in, “When’s your thing again?”
“Umm, it’s right before Thanksgiving, so… the twenty-fifth.”
He nods as if to say he can do it, although Rachael has already confirmed the information. “Mine is the tenth through the sixteenth.”
“I know,” I smile. “I probably can’t do the whole week, but I’ll do the celebrity Pro-Am thingy,” I tell both of them. “As long as I’m not on Justin’s team.”
“What the hell is wrong with my team?” he demands. “You’d be on the best team.”
“That right there is exactly why!”
“What, ‘cause I’m confident?”
“Because you’re an asshole about your golf,” Rachael responds.
“True story,” I nod. “And I will not be the one who gets hit by your golf club when you randomly throw it at something.”
“Jess, that was one time,” he defends.
“Once was enough.”
“Whatever,” he sucks his teeth and shakes his head. “Y’all are on that bullshit.”
“See, you’re already mad and the tournament hasn’t even started yet!” Rach laughs loudly.
He heads towards the back door and looks out of it with his hand rested on the handle. “Anyway. I’m going to get my damn dog.”
“I’ll get her, Jus.” I make a beeline for the other door on the opposite end of the kitchen, getting outside before he can even respond. Standing at the edge of my patio, I don’t see either of our dogs anywhere. “Brennan?” I yell. I look around and see Tina walking towards me, but Bren is nowhere in sight. “Where did she go?” I ask myself, kneeling in the grass to pet my own baby.
“Do you see her?” Justin inquires, joining me outside. He stoops down to Tina as well. “Hey, little lady.”
“I don’t see her,” I answer, trying not to sound frenetic.
“Brennan, come on out,” he shouts. At the sound of his voice, she comes running out from behind my pool supply shed. “There you are,” Justin grins widely. “Come to daddy.” He kneels down again and welcomes her into his embrace with an adorably happy chuckle. “What were you doing back there? Huh?”
I cautiously watch him head over to where Brennan had been, and try to persuade him back to me. “Hey Jus, I wanna show you this new food I’m trying with Tina,” I attempt.
“Lemme just make sure she wasn’t over there digging up dead bodies,” he replies with a laugh. As soon as he turns the corner, I feel my breath get caught up in my throat. He looks over to me and back to who’s presumably standing in front of him. “Talis,” he announces, confirming my fears.
She comes ambling out from behind the shed, her oversized sweatpants dragging in the damp grass. She looks about as worried as I probably do, and glances down. “I’m sorry, Jess.”
“You’re sorry to Jess? Really?” he sarcastically asks her.
“Justin, I tried to apologize to you the other night.”
“Oh, yes, the other night.” He stands back and rubs his palms over his face in, what appears to be, frustration. “Talis, if you really want me to forgive you, you should be trying to apologize every fucking day of your life.”
“Justin,” she sighs.
He gives her a long glare and then turns to do the same for me. “Has she been here the whole time since the wedding?” he questions me.
I shake my head quickly. “Just today. She just needed someone to talk to,” I attempt to defend her.
“What the fuck about?” He faces her again. “What? How I’m such an asshole for not listening to you the other night? About how I kicked you out?”
“You kicked her out?” I frown.
“Yes.”
“I deserved it, Jess,” Talis tells me.
“No, you don’t deserve to be treated like a dog that’s misbehaved,” I reply. “Justin, how could you do that?”
“Not now, Jess.”
“Then when?”
“You don’t get to be the asshole here,” he warns me. “In fact, what the fuck are you defending her for?”
“I just think that shit is dirty,” I answer, looking over to Talis. “She did her shit, yes, but you being mean to her will not undo all of this.”
“I don’t care about undoing it. I’m fucking angry about it, and if I don’t want her in my house, then I don’t have to have her in it.”
“You guys lived there together, you know.”
“Yes, she moved in, but it’s still my house and she lays no legal claim to it.”
I can only shake my head right now, because I don’t know what to say to him. “You’re an asshole.”
“So how long as this been going on?”
“How long has what been going on?”
“You hanging out with her behind my back,” he bites back.
“She’s not hanging out with me,” Talis inserts. “I really just came over to talk, and she wanted nothing more than for me to go on my way, Jus.”
He continues to peer between the two of us, so I add, “She came to me about a week ago and asked if I could help. I’m the one who told her to go talk to you, so you can just blame me for her showing up on Saturday.”
“So you weren’t even sorry on your own?” he demands from her. “You couldn’t figure out that you fucked up without Jess having to tell you?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I try to recover. “I just mean--.”
“Could you please shut up?” he barks at me.
Even Brennan appears to be put off by him at the moment, because she slinks across the yard to my side. “You need to calm down,” I say.
“Are you serious with this?”
“What’s goin’ on?” Rachael appears in the threshold of one of my back doors, gazing into the chaos that my yard has now become. “What’s she doing here?” she points to Talis.
“What’s going on is Jess betraying my ass,” Justin tells her.
“Justin, that is not fair,” I retort solemnly. “Talis has been my friend longer than you have, so let’s not even go there. This isn’t about choosing a side.”
“That’s exactly what this is about, and you better fucking pick one, because I’m not gonna have you trying to convince me to forgive her. Especially not when you had to convince her to apologize in the first goddamn place.”
“Justin, I am so sorry for what I did,” Talis assures him. “I was being selfish; I wasn’t thinking; I was--.”
“Save it,” he cuts her off, walking towards his cousin. “Rachael, let’s go.”
“Justin,” I call after him. He keeps walking, so I follow. “Justin!”
Once we make it inside the house, he finally turns to me and yells, “What!”
“Talk to her!”
“I don’t have shit to say to her.”
“You’re a fucking liar,” I tell him, matter-of-factly. “If you had nothing to say, then you wouldn’t be angry. And you’ve been going around all this time, talking about how you just wanna know why. Well, she’s here now, willing to tell you why, and you’re pushing her away. What gives?”
“I don’t care anymore,” he mumbles.
“Why not?”
“I just don’t. I’m over it.”
“Why do you say that as if I should believe you?”
“What’s she doing here, Jess?” He always avoids my questions when he knows he’s full of shit.
“I told you, she wanted to talk.”
“About what!”
“Stop yelling at me,” I reply.
“I just wanna know how and why you give a shit what she has to say after she just walked out on me.”
I sigh loudly and look him in the eye. “She was just upset to see that you’d moved on so easily to Rie,” I tell him honestly. “I was pretty surprised too, actually.”
“Well what do you want me to do, Jess? Talis didn’t die. She wasn’t stolen. She left, of her own free will. She thought it was in her best interests to move on, and so she did. Why am I blamed for doing the same?”
“You’re not being blamed, Justin.”
“No, fuck that. I am. And for the record, I haven’t moved anywhere. I don’t know why you people can’t get through your thick ass skulls that there’s nothing going on with me and Rie, but to clear it up for you, we’ve only been out twice. And both of those times, other people were with us.”
“So she didn’t come by your house Saturday night?”
“To drop off my wallet that I left at her house, yes,” he nods. “What, are you stalking me now?”
“I’m sorry,” I concede. “I just “ I think Talis maybe didn’t expect you to be so… okay without her.”
“I’m not as weak as you guys want me to be, apparently.”
“I swear, I’m not trying to offend you --.”
“Then get her out of here,” he frowns.
“It’s not that simple,” I counter. “She really is sorry, Jus.”
“Then why couldn’t she tell me that shit on her own!”
“She was scared.”
“Of what? Me?” He’s still shouting. “I’ve been with her five years. Through everything! Through her losing her job, her parents’ divorce, I was the one that took care of her that whole time after the accident. That was half a year away from my music, my career, because I wanted to take care of her. What do I have to do to show that I wouldn’t leave her for shit in the world? What could she possibly be fucking scared of?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You talk to her about that shit, then.”
“Listen, I know you think I’ve chosen a side, but I haven’t,” I assure him softly. “I love you both, and I want nothing more than for you both to be happy. Together.”
“It’s not gonna happen.”
“Yes, you were there for her through a lot of bad shit, but so was I. And she’s been there for you too, you know. After the Super Bowl and you wanting to quit your music. There would be no ‘FutureSex/LoveSounds’ without Talis, right?” He doesn’t answer me, so I repeat, “Right?”
“Yeah,” he admits obstinately.
“Then why are you so unwilling to be there for her through this?”
“Because, for whatever reason, she chose to shut me out. We do things together, we work as a team. On the very day that we’re supposed to commit our lives to that very concept, she walks out on me?” He shakes his head and turns around. “I just haven’t found it in me to stop being angry about that yet.”
“What happened to needing closure?”
It’s his turn to shrug now. “I stopped caring.”
“I don’t think you did.”
“You know what, though,” he reconsiders. “I could forgive her walking out on the wedding. I understand getting scared; that’s fine. But I mean, not to call, not an email, nothing to explain herself and then she just shows up in my kitchen? You know that’s bullshit.”
“It is,” I agree, looking down. “But she has her reasons.”
“I don’t care.”
“Stop saying that!”
“I don’t,” he reiterates, looking down at me sincerely. “I can’t.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“So what are you doing tonight?” Rie asked Justin when he finally answered his phone.
“Nothin’,” he revealed vaguely.
“You wanna go out? I have tickets to Wicked that I need to use before Halloween.”
“That’s okay,” he told her. “Thanks to Jess, I’ve seen it like four times already.”
“Okay yeah, she’s awesome. It’s official,” she giggled. “Well have you eaten yet? I wanna take you to that place I was telling you about over by your house. They have the best organic veggie pizza.”
“I dunno,” he sighed.
“I thought you were like this big health nut. I’m certain you’ll love it, man.”
“It’s not that,” he smiled to himself. “I’m just… I’m tired.”
“Oh, well okay.” She was audibly disappointed, but she didn’t want to seem clingy or anything. “Well, kudos for keeping your promise.”
“What promise?”
“Remember you said you’d turn me down the next time I asked you out?”
Smiling again, he replied, “Yes, well. I do keep the promises I make.” Unlike my better half, he thought.
“That’s disappointing and reassuring at the same time,” she smirked.
“Another one of those oxymorons you love so much.”
She giggled again “ something she found herself doing a lot of around Justin “ and retorted, “I love that you remember all the bullshit I spout on any given day.”
“Well, it’s only fair since you do the same for me.”
“How true,” she grinned into her phone. “But hey, I don’t wanna keep you from your night of doing nothin’, so I’m gonna let you go.”
“Leaving so soon?”
“Well since you shot me down, I have to go find myself a date, man.”
“It’s Monday night,” he frowned. “Do you really have to go out every night?”
“Yeah, if I can swing it. I take it you’re a homebody?”
“The ultimate,” he verified. “Not completely by choice, but yeah. I’d pick a bad night in over a good night out any day.”
“What?” she shrieked. “Why!”
“Trust me, if you were stalked by paparazzi the moment you pulled out of your driveway, you’d stay in the house, too.”
“Oh yeah, that’s pretty shitty,” she agreed.
“You should cherish your anonymity.”
“Question,” she prompted. “What would you want to do as a random guy that you can’t do as Justin Timberlake?”
“I like it when you say my whole name like that,” he offered with a chuckle. “Umm. I dunno really, it’s not that I can’t execute daily tasks or anything. But it’s just… everything I do is a public event. I can’t have a bad day or a breakup or make a new friend without it making front page news,” he sighed. “And I don’t wanna complain. You don’t complain. But I just “ I wonder what it’s like to go the gas station and not make someone’s day, you know?”
“So you don’t like making people’s days?”
“No, I love it,” he answered sincerely. “I just wonder what it’s like…”
“Oh wait, are you one of those people that says, ‘It’s when they stop recognizing me that I’ll start to worry?’”
“Don’t you hate those people?” he laughed. “No, I will never be disappointed that someone doesn’t recognize me.”
She nodded slowly as her lips formed a smile. “See, that’s why I like you, man.”
“And don’t get me wrong, I adore my fans. I brag about them to other artists I talk to, like they’re my grandchildren or something,” he grinned. “I mean, I dunno “ I can’t even explain it.”
“You’re so cute,” she giggled again. “Everyone talks about how nice you are to your fans.”
“I try,” he nodded. “Like, I don’t care if someone wants me to wear a funny hat and take a picture or have a short conversation after dinner. It’s the least I can do,” he answered earnestly. “They’ve literally given me the floor I walk on in my house. …It’s the least I can do.”
“Damn, I wish I’d liked you sooner.”
“As long as you like me now, that’s all that matters.”
“We’re getting there,” she reasoned, laying out across her couch. “I like it when you open up to me.”
“Don’t get used to it. I already warned you--.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re guarded and you don’t like touching people. It doesn’t change the fact that you trust me, homie.”
“I do not,” he scoffed.
“Yeah, you do.”
“Oh, what, because I told you a few things about me? Pshh.”
“Don’t ‘Pshh’ me! You trust me, man.”
“I do not,” he maintained. “I just don’t completely distrust you. Yet.”
“Dude, you fell asleep on my couch,” she laughed. “And. And! You left your wallet at my place. If you were as cautious as you want me to think you are, you wouldn’t have even…”
He thought about what she said for a moment, and the ugly truth was that she was right. If he didn’t trust her, he wouldn’t have let her in as far as he had in such a short amount of time. Why was he fighting it?
“Okay,” he surrendered. “I do trust you somewhat. A little. Kind of. Although you made me kinda wary after you lied about your name.”
“Dude, how many times do I have to apologize for that!”
“For the rest of your life,” he joked.
“Hey, if that means you’ll be around for the rest of my life, I’ll do it.”
He began to laugh, but paused when he realized he’d just inadvertently pledged to spend a lifetime with her. “Hey, listen,” he quickly sobered up.
“Listening.”
“I’m gonna head off to bed, but I’ll give you a call later this week sometime?”
“It’s not even eight yet.”
“I know, but I’m tired.” To make his story true, he headed for his room and crawled into his cozy California king. He gazed out to his breathtaking view of the Hills at night and basked in the silence.
“Stop fucking being so weird,” she finally commanded with a heavy sigh. “I’m not gonna bite your ass. I’m not gonna fall in love. Hell, I won’t even touch you, if it freaks you out that much. But really, you have to stop acting like I have cooties.”
“I’m sorry,” he sighed as well. “I am not usually this weird.”
“I know, you’re fucked up,” she chuckled. “And my role in your fucked-upness is to always be honest with you when you start acting like a bitch.”
“Always? Really?”
“Well, not always. You get in your moods pretty often, it seems.”
“I do tend to be a catalyst for bitchassness when I’m fucked up,” he laughed.
“No shit.”
“All right, all right. You have full permission to go apeshit on me if I go bitchass on you. Agreed?”
“You’re stupid,” she laughed impishly. “But agreed.”
“Hey, guess who I saw today,” he inserted into the conversation rather excitedly, albeit off topic.
“Jeremy Irons?”
“That is about the most random name you could’ve come up with,” he frowned playfully.
“Well, Hollywood is random!”
“True,” he agreed, “but no.”
“Nancy Grace?” she guessed again.
“No, dumbass. I saw Talis.”
“Oh.” Rie sounded disappointed again. “Did you talk to her?”
He shook his head, despite knowing that Rie couldn’t see him. “No. I just got mad again.”
“Damn, boy. You must have some kind of temper.”
“She was at Jess’s house when I stopped by this morning. Hiding in the bushes and shit.” He glared at the spot on his bed next to him “ the spot where she used to sleep “ and then closed his eyes. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever get over this.”
“Well, it hasn’t been that long has it?”
“Not at all,” he granted, “but I dunno. I love her, and that’s supposed to make it easy to forgive her, isn’t it?”
“I dunno, I’ve never been in love,” she laughed awkwardly. “Seems logical, though, I guess?”
“Love has absolutely nothing to do with logic. I know that much.”
“You don’t think so?”
“Nope. I firmly believe there’s a reason that your heart and your brain are so far apart,” he stated factually. “That’s why you can’t ‘think’ that you love someone. You either do or you don’t.”
“And you’re sure that you still love her.”
“Totally,” he answered definitively. “No question about that.”
She chuckled again. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that sure of anything in my life.”
“How old are you again?”
“I’ll be twenty-seven in May.”
He nodded, turning on his side and resting his phone against his cheek. “You’re very interesting, Rie.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” She sounded offended.
“It means what it says. You’re an interesting individual.”
“Are you being condescending?’ she demanded.
“A little bit,” he chuckled. “But really, you are.”
She was silent for a long moment before asking, “How come you won’t come out with me tonight?”
“Because I want to stay home,” he answered evenly.
“You’re lying,” she figured. “Did I do something?”
“No.”
“Is it because of the Talis thing?”
Internally, everything in him was saying No, but his mouth managed to say, “Yeah.”
She let out a long sigh, staring up to the ceiling fan above her den. “All right, then I won’t push it. But I don’t know how you expect me to save you if you’re gonna start running every time I get near you.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be much of a hero if you didn’t have shit to overcome.”
“I guess,” Rie granted, flipping on her television. She paused when she saw a feature about Jessica on TMZ. “Whoa, Jess is dating Ryan Phillippe?” she interjected.
“What?”
“Jessica. She’s going out with Reese Witherspoon’s ex?”
“Oh,” he yawned. “Yeah, she’s been out with him a couple of times.”
“That is super cute,” she grinned, half-listening to the story. “Have you ever watched this show?”
“What are you watching?” he asked apathetically.
“That TMZ show. It’s funny,” she chuckled, “but in a horrible way.”
“Or is it horrible in a funny way?” He lazily pulled his remote from one of his nightstands and turned on his own flat screen. “What channel?”
“Eleven.”
The two of them watched in silence as the show ran through their awkward sketches, discussing Jessica and Ryan, followed closely by John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston. Rie was laughing at one of John’s infamous smartass comments, and even Justin had managed a chortle, until his own name came up in the discussion.
“So Justin Timberlake was where, doing what?” Harvey Levin, the managing editor of TMZ, demanded of his staff.
A blond guy with long hair announced, “He was in Beverly Hills with a new girlfriend on October twenty-third. He wouldn’t speak, of course, but he was in a good mood.”
“Shocking.”
“Yeah, and like, I was wondering if this was legit, but I’ve got pictures of them again on Saturday, leaving a gas station in Hollywood. He paid, but it was her car.”
Rie, who had been picking at the nail polish on her toes, redirected her focus to the story, knowing they couldn’t possibly have been talking about what she thought they were talking about. Justin, on the other hand, saw it coming a mile away, but like an oncoming train wreck, there was nothing he could do to stop it.
“Do we have a name?” Harvey returned.
“Yeah, umm,” the blond staff member glanced over several sheets of paper and looked back up, “Rie Torrey.”
“Excellent. Run it.”
For the first time since they’d met, both Justin and Rie were speechless.
Drunk... And Hot Girls by Ashley
7 >> Drunk... And Hot Girls
It had been a couple of days since Justin and Rie were witness to their alleged coming out party on TMZ, and they’d both been avoiding one another because of it. Rie had never been called anyone’s girlfriend, especially not on national television, so needless to say, she was stunned. And for Justin, just the fact that people were insinuating he wanted a girlfriend at this point was making him crazy.
“I mean, are they aware that I was about to get married three weeks ago?” he was saying to his friend, Justin Huchel “ he was affectionately referred to as Huch whenever he was in town. “Who makes up this shit?”
“Well, you already know logic is not their strong point,” Huch laughed, his Boston accent bolstering through every syllable. “As long as you know how you feel, I don’t know why you’re worried about that shit.”
“It’s just annoying,” he sighed. “This is exactly why I have no friends that are girls.”
“You have Jessica.”
“She’s not a girl,” he scoffed. “You know what I mean.” He navigated his navy Beemer down Santa Monica Boulevard, stopping at a parking lot near their restaurant. “You wanted to eat at Boa, right?”
“Yeah,” Huch nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt. The two of them left Timberlake’s BMW to the valet, and headed up the rather quiet sidewalk. “Hey, so how’s Talis handling the whole ‘new girlfriend’ thing.”
Justin could only shrug. “Hell if I know. I haven’t seen or talked to her since Monday.”
“Wait, I thought you said she had come home?”
“She came by the house, yeah,” he frowned, holding the door open for his friend, “but I told her to leave.”
“What the fuck; why would you do that?”
“I was pissed off.” They approached the host stand, where Justin informed him, “Two, please.”
“Well you should be, but she’s still your actual girlfriend, isn’t she?”
“I think that deal was called off when she left our wedding, man.” They followed the maître d’ to their isolated table, taking seats across from one another. “You think I should let her come home?”
“Where’s she staying?” Huch inquired, gazing over his menu.
“I dunno,” Justin shrugged again. “Not with Jess, I know. And she didn’t go back to Texas with her parents, or New York with Tera, so… I don’t know.”
“And you don’t care?”
“I’m pretty indifferent right now,” he admitted. “I went from completely depressed to completely pissed off, and now I just “ I don’t care.”
“If you don’t care, then why can’t she come back home?”
Frowning, he sat back in his chair and glared as his friend’s words, knowing that he didn’t have any type of plausible answer. All he knew was that Talis chose to leave and he was choosing not to give a damn anymore. At least, that was what he’d been trying to convince himself of.
“Talis is a beautiful girl,” Huch started to say. “Flawless. Why the hell would you let her walk away?”
“It’s not about what she looks like,” Justin instantly denied. “Hell, flawless is a dime a dozen out here.”
“Not like that it isn’t.”
He smiled at the notion. The fact was, Talis was far from a dime a dozen, and even if he was angry… or not angry with her, he couldn’t deny that. “Fair enough. But even so, that’s irrelevant…”
“Fine, irrelevant. Look at it this way “ she has five years of you that she’s taking with you if you let her go. Do you really plan to let that just slip away?”
“I dunno, man. The truth is that I have no plans,” he divulged, realistically. “My plans were to be married and coming back from my honeymoon today. Now? The only plan I have is to refrain from saying or doing anything stupid when I’m in public.”
Huch had to laugh, because he knew how hard that was for Justin when paparazzi were on his heels whenever he left his neighborhood. “So then what are you doing with this chick, Rae?”
“Who the fuck is Rae?” he laughed.
“What’s the girl’s name?”
“Rie?”
“Yeah, yeah. Rie,” Huch supplied. “Is that your idea of not being stupid?”
“Well I honestly didn’t realize that going to dinner and a movie with her and her friend would make national headlines.” Justin thought about his statement and then added, “Which, I guess, was pretty stupid in and of itself.”
“Thank you.”
“But admittedly, I just wasn’t thinking that way at the time.”
“Yeah, you were thinking more about getting some new ass,” Huch teased.
“Dude,” Justin grinned. “Come on, that was the last thing on my mind.”
“Who do you think you’re talkin’ to, man? New ass is never the last thing on your mind.”
“Okay, true.” Justin was still smiling. “But it wasn’t the first thing either.”
“Am I not supposed to be noticing that big ass smile on your face?”
“I dunno what you’re talking about.”
“Yeahhh, you do,” Justin Too chided, nodding. “It’s plastered all over your face, buddy.”
Justin shifted his gaze to the rest of the dim restaurant, doing a bit of people watching as he sometimes tended to do. “Honestly though, that’s really not what I’m focused on right now. I just think she’s one of the coolest girls I’ve met in a really, really long time.”
“Oh, so we’re doing that ‘just friends’ thing we did with Talis then,” Huch recognized. “Got it.”
“We really are just friends,” he maintained. “Honestly, I just met her.”
“You know nobody believes you when you say, ‘Honestly,’ right?”
“Yeah, I know,” Justin rolled his eyes, finally looking back at his friend. “All I’m saying is that the only interest I have in Rie is as a friend.”
“And you have no interest in gettin’ laid? She must be busted.”
“No,” he quickly returned, “she’s fucking gorgeous. Remember Ava, one of my dancers on the last tour?”
“The chocolate one?” Huch smiled. “With the ass?”
Justin nodded. “Rie reminds me of her a lot.”
“Yeah, there’s no way I’m gonna believe you have no interest in gettin’ that.”
“Believe it, homeboy. I’ve got other things on my mind.”
“Like?” Huch pressed.
“Like…” Justin absolutely couldn’t admit that Rie had pretty much consumed his thoughts for at least the past week, so he signaled for their waitress. “You want a drink?”
>>>>>>>>>>
“I’m so jealous of your costume,” I tell Talis, staring down at my black-painted toenails. We’re at a nail shop in Santa Monica, getting our sexy on for the Halloween party we’re hosting tonight. “There are very few people that can rock a white catsuit.”
“Trust me, girl. Your black one is so much sexier.”
“Blah,” I stick my tongue out. “I’m glad you’re still coming.”
“Well, it is for a good cause. And we’ve been planning this for months now.”
“I’m excited to see how much we raise for MTDN. Whole Foods has agreed to match whatever we make at the party.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Talis exclaims. “So that includes drinks and everything?”
I nod as my nail technician finishes painting my left hand and I place it under the ultraviolet dryer in front of me. “Everything.”
“That’s pretty fantastic.”
“It’s gonna be really groovy if we can pull off a solid hundred grand, or so.”
“Is Justin coming?” she asks cautiously, trying to avoid looking at me with her chestnut stare.
“I dunno,” I clear my throat. “Rach is coming, but she didn’t know whether she would be able to convince Justin to put on a costume and everything.”
“Oh, that man,” she shakes her head. “You know how he is, stubborn… but sweet.”
“Yeah, he’ll show eventually, I’m sure.”
“We’ll just have to make sure I’m on the other side of the room when he does.”
“You can’t hide from him anymore,” I tell her maternally.
“I can and I will,” she chuckles. “He will not be shooting daggers at me all night.”
“After all these years, you should know that glare is harmless.”
“Jess, he hates me right now.”
“And he’ll probably hate you for a while,” I concede, “but the more he sees you, the less it’ll hurt. You just have to keep reminding him of how things used to be.”
She nods in compliance, admiring her white nails as they dry, but she still seems troubled. “What about this girl you were telling me about?”
“Rie?”
“Is that her name? The one that was at his house the other night?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I mean, they just met a couple of weeks ago, so I don’t think she’s anything you need to worry about.”
“Are you sure, Jess?”
“No.” I attempt to laugh at my earnest answer, but I see that Talis is not so amused. “T, I don’t know what’s going on, honestly, but like I said, they just met, so whatever you’ve been reading is likely not true. He said they’re just friends.”
“But I didn’t just read it,” she counters. “The girl was at the house!”
“He said he left his wallet at her house; she was just bringing it back.”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “That was not a drop-something-off visit. I was out there waiting for a cab for a good thirty minutes, and she did not come out.”
“Were they fucking each other in that time?”
“I don’t know!” she chirps.
“Exactly. So you’ll have to take what he says at face value and hope for the best,” I retort logically. “Just refocus on all the fun we’re gonna have tonight.”
“Is she coming?”
“I did invite her,” I wince.
“Jesssssss.”
“I’m sorry! I just think she’s a cool girl,” I defend. “And so’s her friend, Jac.”
“I mean, she seemed nice enough,” Talis grants, “but ughhh. You have no idea what it felt like, seeing him let her into our house like that.”
I sigh again and give her my best sympathetic glance. “Just give it time, T. He’ll come around.”
“I know, I know. There’s just a lot that needs to be said, and the longer I wait, the angrier he’s gonna be.”
“That’s true.”
“But I guess I can’t talk to him if he won’t let me, so…”
“He’s gonna come around soon,” I repeat reassuringly. “Trust me.”
>>>>>>>>>>
The party at Area began promptly at 10:00 PM as planned, and the West Hollywood club was flooded with hundreds of partygoers and D-list celebrities the moment the doors opened. Most people were dressed in their Halloween best, drenched in dramatic makeup and oversized costumes. Jessica and Talis, who were overseeing the entire event, along with their friend, Lindsey, were pleased to see it start off so well.
“I’m glad you talked me into still coming,” Talis told her friend, gazing into the crowd. “Just looking at the bar already, I feel like we’re gonna make more than we thought.”
“My dad’s gonna be stoked,” Jessica marveled. Her father, after all, was the CEO of MTDN, and they made every effort they could to help the cause.
“Is he coming tonight?”
“I’m not sure,” she replied, frowning. “Justin “ my brother, not your Justin “ said he would definitely try to get him on out, though.”
Talis nodded, smiling at a couple of guys that passed by them. She and Jess, or the Siamese twins, as they were calling themselves for the night, rocked their white and black catsuits, respectively, over to where one of the owners, Brent Bolthouse, was greeting guests.
“Looking good, ladies,” he announced. “Very good.”
“Yeah?” Jess grinned. “Any issues so far?”
“Well, honestly, we might be at capacity before all the invited guests arrive,” he answered breezily, “but we’ll have that under control. Especially since we’ve got most of your people doing the setup outside.”
“Sounds good,” Talis nodded.
“Other than that, Elisha Cuthbert just came in. I’m not sure how you guys wanna handle that, but I received word that Justin Timberlake and his party are coming in soon, and she’s not exactly welcome by them.”
“Yeah, I’m sure Trace is with them,” Jess commented. “Shit.”
“Can we just make sure she stays away from the private lounges?”
“Sure, got it,” Brent nodded. “What are we doing about Jake and Reese and your boy?” he directed to Jessica.
“They’re fine,” she assured him. Ryan had already informed her that they were all amicable. He did have kids with Reese, after all. “Can you just keep us posted if we need to be aware of any other drama?”
“No problem,” he accommodated. “Go enjoy your party; it’s my job to handle this crap.”
The two gorgeous women offered him smiles and swayed their way back towards the VIP lounges. “This is gonna be fun!” Jess shouted over the music, her and Talis joining Lindsey at an empty table.
“Why is she so excited?” Lindsey questioned in a sarcastic tone, pointing to Jessica.
“Because the line of people trying to get in here is circling the block,” Talis smirked. “And Brent is pretty sure we’ll be reaching capacity soon.”
“Which means,” Jess inserted, “That I actually managed to plan something that I didn’t end in disaster!”
“Oohh, congrats,” Linds grinned. “But don’t be fooled, girl. The night is young.”
“She’s right, you know,” Talis inferred with raised eyebrows.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jess was still smiling, “but so far, so good.”
>>>>>>>>>>
A good hour later, the club had been filled and refilled with patrons, and guests such as Christina Aguilera and husband, Jamie Foxx, Gwen and Gavin, Lauren Conrad, and Jordan Farmar, just to name a few. They’d settled into the outdoor version of the party, dressed in their Halloween finest, when a commotion began to stir the crowded inside. The party had clearly gotten louder, so Jessica and Lindsey made their way in to find out what was going on.
“What the hell?” Lindsey yelled over the sound of Rihanna pulsating through the speakers. “Who is it?”
As if on cue, the DJ announced from his hidden booth, “Ladies and gentlemen! Justin fucking Timberlake is in the building!”
It’s getting late
I’m making my way over to my favorite place
As everyone screamed, Jess playfully rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s him.” She continued gazing into the crowd, waiting for him to appear. When he finally did, she understood what all the fuss was about.
“Holeeeeshit!” Lindsey read her mind.
The two of them shamelessly watched him move towards them, dressed as Tyler Durden “ a.k.a. Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club. Justin had shaved his head for the costume, and he was dressed only in a pair of slacks, Doc Martens, dark orange shades, and a fur coat.
“Damn, he needs to warn a bitch before he rolls up like that,” Linds went on to say.
Jess was still a little taken aback, so all she could do was chuckle, her mouth still ajar.
“See, this is all because you and Talis have him working out twenty-four seven,” Lindsey continued to marvel, practically drooling over his ripped torso. “I mean, shit. It’s like you can actually see the pecs through the fur coat. And his stomach! Look at th--.”
“Yeah, got it, Linds,” Jess retorted, cutting off her gushfest. She spun on her heel to head back outside where she could hopefully breathe again, but reached the door at the same time as Justin.
I gotta get my body moving, shake the stress away
I wasn’t looking for nobody when you looked my way
Possible candidate, yeah
“Hey,” he greeted her, welcoming her into his embrace.
“Hey! You made it,” she smiled, inhaling his scent.
“I figured this was too good a costume to waste,” he shrugged, accompanying her to the party outside by the small of her back. “Looks like a good crowd.”
“Well hey, you heard ‘em in there, superstar.” She offered him the Corona she’d been holding and not drinking for the better part of fifteen minutes. “I should’ve known it was you. You’re the only guy I know that causes mass hysteria like that.”
“I try,” he grinned, taking a sip from the beer.
“Hey, where’s Rach and Huch and everyone?”
“They were right behind me,” he turned around as if they were still supposed to be there. “Or they were.”
The fact that she was staring at his stomach could’ve easily been the reason she missed them, but she didn’t want him to know that. She only replied, “Oh. Hmm.”
“You look good, by the way.”
“Really?” She was taken by total surprise by his compliment. “Wow, thanks.”
“Why so shocked?”
“I didn’t think you noticed me. Ever,” she answered honestly with a chuckle.
“Awwwww.” He affectionately locked his arm around her neck and kissed the top of her head. “Trust me. I’d notice anyone in a catsuit with an ass that big.
She elbowed him in the stomach, which was rather pointless since it was rock-hard, and laughed again. “I’m gonna get a drink; you want?”
“I’m good,” he held up his beer.
“Go mingle,” she directed. “Everyone’s been waiting for you.”
“That’s what I was afraid of,” he flashed his smile.
“It is a party, you know.”
“I got it,” he assured her, turning just in time to see Talis strut past him, resembling some form of a sexy ass angel in her all white. She didn’t notice him when she passed, but his eyes lingered on her even moments after she was gone. He swallowed hard and called after his best friend. “Jess, I think I might need that drink.”
She was oblivious to his reasoning, but willing to oblige. “Captain and Coke?”
He nodded. “Minus the Coke.”
“So you just want straight rum?”
“Well… there can be some ice.”
“You’re a mess,” she laughed. “Don’t go too far.”
“I’ll be right here. …Not watching Talis,” he mumbled. He didn’t know whether it was the fur coat or what, but after seeing her, his temperature seemed to have risen.
He was thankful when he felt his phone vibrate against his ass. It was Rie, asking if he’d gotten there yet. She was stuck outside, due to that whole capacity issue, and she was hoping he could help her out. After having Rachael scope them out and get them in, it wasn’t long before Rie and Jac appeared in the VIP lounge with Justin.
“Dammmnnnn,” Rie grinned widely, approaching him. “Brad Pitt in Fight Club, right?”
Who knew that you’d be up in here looking like you do?
“Guilty,” he bowed his head. He smiled over to Jacqueline and laughed. “Okay, I’m gonna guess that you’re Tom Cruise in Risky Business?”
Jac, who was dressed in a long-sleeved oxford shirt, a pair of tighty-whiteys, and stilettos, laughed out loud. “Yes! And Rie said no one would get it.”
“Now see, I got yours immediately,” he supplied, “but Rie, what are you supposed to be?”
Rie was dressed simply in a revealing blue jersey dress, with a V-neck that came to her navel. To top it off, the bottom barely came past her ass, and she was amused to see that Justin was audaciously enjoying the view, much in the same way she was with him. “Devil in a blue dress,” she finally divulged.
“Nice,” he granted, seemingly rather mesmerized.
You’re making staying over here impossible
Baby, I must say your aura is incredible
If you don’t have to go, don’t
“Should we grab a table?” Rie suggested.
“Yeah.” He seemed to regain his focus for a moment. “Inside, or out?”
“Outside. It’s not as loud, so we don’t have to be all up on each other to hear.”
“Guys,” Jac inserted, “Orlando Bloom is here. I’m gonna go find out if Miranda is with him.” She was referring to his supermodel girlfriend, Miranda Kerr. “If she is, that would make my life.”
Rie chuckled. “Well you know that chick is always hanging on him. Find your girl,” she encouraged.
“I’ll catch up with you later.”
Rie gave her a little wave and looked back up to Justin. “I’m sorry, where were we?”
“We were getting a table inside,” he lied, setting his empty beer bottle on a table beside them. He led her inside the crowded and overbearingly loud club, even though Jess had yet to return with his drink, and slid into an open booth.
No one was more surprised than Rie when he actually allowed her to sit next to him. Closely. “Is this a part of your costume?”
“I beg your pardon?” he spoke loudly.
Cautiously, she leaned in to him to say directly to his ear, “Is this whole thing a part of your costume?”
“What whole thing?” he frowned, getting a whiff of her perfume. He instantly recognized it as Burberry Summer. “I have the male version of that perfume you’re wearing,” he announced.
She smiled and leaned in again. “That’s not very interesting!”
“It isn’t,” he agreed, grinning. “That was just my way of telling you that you smell amazing.”
“Whoa, ego much?”
“It’s huge,” he nodded, and then added with a laugh, “My ego, that is.”
“I heard you have other things that are huge, too.”
Justin wasn’t sure if she was flirting, or being sarcastic, so he went with the safe route. “The rumors are true,” he admitted, “my shoe collection is kind of ridiculous.”
She smiled brightly and studied the Brad Pitt version of Justin. “I really like your hair like that,” she noted, referring to his newly shorn buzz cut. “Sexy.”
“Well thank you.” He took the sunglasses that he’d been donning all night from the top of his head and ran his left hand over what was left of his hair. “Jess and my cousin “ have you met my cousin, Rachael?”
“No, not yet.”
“Oh. Well she’s running around here somewhere, dressed as the lead in an iPod commercial,” he chuckled. “But anyway, they always said they liked my hair grown out a little, so that’s how I kept it.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“I aim to please.”
“That’s good to hear.” She leaned into him, beginning to turn a bit intense. “It would please me if we could talk about this whole ‘situation’ looming over our heads.”
“We have a situation?”
“Well yeah, they kinda called us out as a couple on national television.”
“Rie.”
“I know, now is a ridiculous time to bring it up,” she acknowledged, “but it’s hard to sit here with you, knowing that we’re avoiding the subject.”
He stared at her for a moment, searching for her eyes beneath her purple and black bangs. “Why don’t we get a drink? It’ll be off your mind in no time.”
She flashed her smile at him before looking down. “Sure, you buying?”
“Of course.”
“Get me a Black Velvet,” she told him.
He chuckled as he removed himself from their table. “Is that your nickname or somethin’?”
“Ooh, funny man. Go be offensive somewhere else,” she grinned, watching him walk away. “Shit,” she sighed, closing her eyes.
Justin quickly found the bar, successfully avoiding the catcalls and booty grabs on his way. “Lemme get two Black Velvets and two Black & Tans,” he proclaimed to the first bartender to look his way.
I wanna take you away
Let’s escape into the music, DJ let it play
He looked around, noticing Jess’s new boyfriend standing not far away. He was dressed as The Dark Knight version of The Joker, but he knew it was Ryan. Justin thought for a moment about getting his attention, but he figured it would be futile considering the volume of the music. And then, before he knew it, he’d locked eyes with Talis. He considered turning away and leaving the bar altogether, but he didn’t want to have to go back to Rie without drinks, and for whatever reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off of his ex. Why did she have to be so stunning, he wondered. He’d met her almost six years ago, and he still gaped at her like her face was a new discovery at times.
“Hey,” she found herself saying to him in a moment of gall.
He looked down, resisting the urge to be an asshole in front of all those people. “Hello.”
“Will you ever stop being mad at me?”
“I’m not mad,” he returned, rubbing his cheek, which was covered in light scruff. “I just don’t have anything to say to you.”
She watched him receive four drinks and looked around for any familiar faces. “Who are you here with?”
“Why?”
“I’m curious.”
“Rachael, Trace, Jo, and Huch.”
“Who’s not getting a drink then?” she pressed.
He began collecting the drinks, strategically balancing the glasses amongst his two hands. “Does it matter?”
“Lemme buy you a drink,” she offered eagerly.
“I’m all right.”
“Justin, come on. I only got the nerve to talk to you because I’m hella buzzed; please don’t turn me down.”
“No thank you, Talis.”
“Just one drink!”
“Try me again after I’m drunk,” he told her, beginning to walk towards his table.
“Will do,” she simpered, watching him saunter away.
I just can’t refuse it, like the way you do it
Keep on rocking to it
Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music
Carefully, Justin returned to his table to find Rie already nursing a drink and chatting up another guy who’d apparently caught her eye. “Hey,” he announced, setting his four glasses on the table in front of her. “I thought we’d catch up with the rest of the party.”
The guy, who he eventually recognized as Chris Brown, turned and immediately got up from the table when he saw that it was Justin. “What’s up, man?” he greeted with a huge smile. Chris, admittedly, adored Justin.
Justin returned the favor with a polite grin and a fist bump. “How you been, man?”
“Good,” he nodded. “My bad, though, I ain’t mean to be rollin’ up on your girl like that.”
“It’s cool, she’s definitely not--.”
“Why didn’t you tell me your man was Justin Timberlake,” he directed to Rie, then turned back to Justin. “For real, though. No disrespect, man.”
“It’s cool,” Justin assured him with a laugh. “She’s single, as far as I know.”
“I feel you,” Chris nodded, still smiling widely. “I just “ no disrespect, dude. Just so you know.”
“Trust me, man. It’s fine.”
“I’m gonna bounce, but you know…” he tipped a nonexistent hat to both of them and knocked on the table. “Y’all have a good night.”
“Go find your ‘friend’ Rihanna,” Justin teased, playfully kicking him out of the way. “He’s a good kid,” he commented, reclaiming his seat next to Rie.
She only took a sip from the drink Chris had presumably gotten her, and looked down.
“What’s wrong?” he immediately noticed her solemn demeanor.
“I dunno,” she exhaled, not wanting to look at him.
“Rie, come on. What’s up?”
“It was just weird how you were so quick to say that I’m definitely not your girl.”
“Well, you’re not.” Since she already had a drink, he took it upon himself to down the Black Velvets he’d gotten for her.
“I know that, Justin. But you don’t have to act like you’re so revolted by the idea.”
“Ah, shit,” he mumbled. “Please don’t do this, Rie.”
“I’m not doing anything,” she shook her head, “I just “ I found it weird.”
“You’ve been a really cool girl up until now. Please don’t fuck this up.”
She was obviously offended by his comment, as she frowned in response. “What am I fucking up?”
“Rie, come on.”
“No, you have to explain it to me, because I don’t understand. You have no problem eyeing my titties all night long, but when someone even insinuates that we could possibly be together, you turn into the fucking scarecrow. Oh, but shit, if you only had a brain.”
“Rie, I didn’t mean to offend you,” he offered quietly, “I just don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”
“You mean you don’t want me getting the wrong idea. Right?” She kept her eyes on him, waiting for an answer. “I already told you I’m not trying to fall in love with you, Justin. It’s just not something I do “ that’s more up your alley, don’t you think?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, maybe you think I have the wrong idea because you do.”
“I don’t think--.”
Before he could come up with something plausible to say, she was escaping the booth and heading downstairs.
With his elbow rested on the table, he ran his hand over his face, groggily staring into the crowd. He didn’t know what to make of what had just happened, so he did his best to put it out of his head. His buzz was beginning to get the best of him, and the last thing he wanted to do was try and decipher womanspeak in the midst of it. So he started on the one drink that was left.
After minutes that seemed like hours of sitting alone, Talis reappeared in his life, with the drink she promised him. “Jess asked me to give this to you.”
He looked up, amused that she was so persistent. “Thanks.”
She took it upon herself to sit down, well aware that he was more than likely going to tell her to leave. For the third time that night, he surprised a female companion and allowed her to stay. “You look good,” she declared.
He nodded slowly. “You look really good,” he told her.
“Good enough for you to let me come back home?”
“Not that good,” he smirked, yawning.
“You don’t miss me? At all?”
“I miss you like hell, Talis. But it’s just not that simple.”
“Is it because of your new girlfriend?”
“For the hundredth time,” he fervently began to explain, “she is not my girlfriend.”
Speak of the devil, Rie was returning to the scene at that moment, realizing that she had kind of acted out before. She was just as frustrated with all the girlfriend talk as he was, and she wanted to apologize for going bitchass on him. That was, after all, what she was there to rid him of, and she could admit that. In fact, she would have, except that as she was approaching the table, she watched as Justin leaned in and kissed his ex. Or maybe she wasn’t his ex? Rie wasn’t sure what to call her, but she was certain that Justin and Talis were liplocked, and whatever she’d said to him clearly didn’t matter much anymore.
Do you know what you started?
I just came here to party
But now we’re rockin’ on the dance floor, acting naughty
Your hands around my waist
Just let the music play
We’re hand in hand, chest to chest, and now we’re face to face
Hate That I Love You by Ashley
Author's Notes:
I take it I pissed you guys off, yes? LOL. This one is a little less threatening, I think? And one of my favorite chapters is after this one, so bear with me. Again, thank you SO much for reading!
8 >> Hate That I Love You
The following Saturday, Justin awoke, headache blaring, in the discomfort of his own bed. But aside from the pounding in his head, and the fact that it was now November, everything else seemed rather normal at first glance.
The sun was shining in that typical Los Angeles manner, his kids were sleeping peacefully at the foot of his bed, Talis was resting quietly beside him, and… that was where the record stopped.
“Talis?” he croaked out, already questioning his antics from the night before. Her back appeared bare beneath his white comforter, so he already knew he’d had sex with her, but figuring out that fact did not help his cause. “What the fuck,” he groaned.
She eventually stirred, yawning at the presence of sunlight directly in her face. “Shit. My head hurts,” she groaned as well, holding her hand over her entire face. She kicked the covers from her naked body and turned, rolling into Justin. “Good morning,” she whispered with a frown.
He turned his head and began to wipe the sleep from his eyes. “Why are you here?” he muttered.
“It’s too early for that question, Jus.”
His eyes refused to stay open, causing his remaining senses to go into overload. Which meant that the heat radiating from her body was suffocating him, the lingering smell of her perfume and their sex bathed the air so intensely that he could taste it, and the feel of her toes against his legs was almost magnetic. The love of his life had somehow transgressed into a one-night stand, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.
“I need you to go,” he finally proclaimed. “At least, out of my bed.”
“Why?” Talis frowned.
“I just do.”
“We’re back to this again?” she retorted. “You said you were over it. Why don’t you try sticking to a feeling?” She rolled her naked ass out of the bed, making sure to pet Buckley and Brennan before sauntering into the bathroom as if she owned the joint.
Was this really happening, he wondered. Was it all a dream in the first place? Did they actually get married? Halloween was the time for costumes, yes, but were they supposed to keep up the façade even after the night was over?
“Talis,” he boomed.
She returned to his room, her robe barely covering any parts of her petite frame, and she was brushing her teeth. “Yes?”
“What are you doing?”
“Last night, you told me I could come home.”
“I was drunk, Talis.”
“You told me you missed me like hell,” she reminded him. “And you kissed me and said you wanted me back home.”
“But,” he quietly cleared his throat, “I was drunk. I wasn’t in the right state of mind.”
“The state of mind where you usually tell me to fuck off?” she asked, turning back for the bathroom. “Well, thank God for that.”
He finally escaped the bed himself, throwing on a pair of sweats over his bare bottom half. He joined Talis in the bathroom, hovering over his sink and gazing into the mirror. He could still taste the cigarettes he’d pretended to smoke the night before, so he immediately picked up his motorized toothbrush and cleaned house.
Talis stood beside him, completing her morning ritual of face exfoliating and skin rejuvenation and all that jazz. It really was as though she’d never left. She even glanced over to his reflection in the mirror, smiling at him as he continued to rinse his mouth out.
Sighing in the silence, he splashed some lukewarm water over his tired face and exited the bedroom all together. “This is ridiculous,” he told himself, meandering down to his extra large kitchen.
“Gooood morning,” Trace greeted his friend from the table in the breakfast nook. “What’s ridiculous?”
Justin scratched over the back of his head, yawning again. “Hey, man.”
“Have you assessed the damage yet?” Trace questioned, referring to their term for the morning after a drunken night before.
He shook his head, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on his counter, and then took a seat next to his friend. “I fucked Talis last night.”
“Yeah, no shit. Y’all were loud as all hell.”
He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “She said I told her I wanted her to come back home.”
“Seriously?”
“That’s what she said,” Justin confirmed. “I can’t believe something like that would’ve come out of my mouth, though.”
“Me either.”
“But Talis wouldn’t make something like that up, so I mean… I guess I did?”
Trace narrowed his eyes and began rubbing the stubble that covered his cheeks. “I mean… is that what you want?”
He looked down and unpeeled his banana, breaking off a large piece and stuffing it in his mouth. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Come on man, either you do or you don’t.”
“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t,” he revealed stoically. “Like just now. I woke up and saw her and I wanted to kick her in the face. But then I went to brush my teeth and shit and she was standing there with me, and it just felt… right.”
“For real?”
“Yeah, like, I mean it didn’t last long, but for just a slice of a moment, it felt like she belonged there.” He finished off his banana and rested his chin on the table. “Y’all have fun last night?”
“Hell yeah,” Trace grinned. “Oh, and after you left last night, we met that girl, Rie.”
“You did?” Justin piped up. “I thought she left early.”
“Nah, she was there the whole time. Jess introduced us to her “ it must’ve been around two o’clock. And we just hung out with, like, Nicole and Joel, Carrie Underwood was there, some of the Lakers… and we all got completely blitzed.”
“Sounds like fun,” he commented with a hint of jealousy.
“Shit was ridiculous,” Trace laughed. “But that chick is the coolest. She taught Jo how to finally do the Soulja Boy.”
“It’s about time,” Justin smiled. “I’m mad I missed it.”
“Hey, if I had known you were leaving with Talis, you know I would’ve stopped you.”
“It’s all right. A part of me clearly wanted it, or I wouldn’t have done it.”
“That’s true,” Trace nodded, standing up to stretch and yawn. “You want some coffee or Coke or anything?”
“I’m good,” he declined, putting his hand up. “You know what time it is?”
“About five minutes to noon.” Trace headed into the main kitchen area, refilling his mug with the java that his fiancée had previously prepared. “Oh, Rachael wanted me to tell you Jess is coming by for lunch.”
“Where’s Rachael?” Justin called back.
“She went tanning and shit.”
Justin pulled back from his table and turned to Trace. “Am I supposed to be making something for lunch then?”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Don’t worry guys, I got it covered,” Talis announced, prancing into the room, fully dressed. “Hey, Trace,” she greeted him cheerfully.
“What’s up, T?”
“You look like you enjoyed the party,” she noted with an impish grin. “Where’s JoAnna?”
“She’s upstairs, takin’ a shower.”
“Justin,” she redirected, “Jess will be here soon, so you might wanna get dressed.”
“Why the hell would I get dressed for Jess?”
“Well, she’s bringing Ryan with her,” she announced. “Trace, you might wanna change too, babe.” Talis was clearly in her all-business mode, which Justin and Trace knew there was no arguing with. As they slowly made their way towards the staircase, she made sure to ask, “Hey, what do you guys want for lunch?”
>>>>>>>>>>
“No, Ryan,” Talis is laughing, “I’m telling you, Justin is the greatest storyteller on this side of West Covina.”
“Oh yeah,” I agree, “he really is.”
“Dude, tell him that story about that time we were in… where was it?” Trace asks the table animatedly. “Was it Tuscany?”
“Oh yeahhh!” we all recall in rousing harmony.
“Tuscany was a great trip.”
“That was after Talis got that tattoo on her foot, right?”
“Yeah, and she couldn’t walk for like a week?” JoAnna chimes in.
“And Justin had to carry her everywhere?” I nod.
“Wait,” Ryan inserts with an adorable laugh, “where was this tattoo and why couldn’t you walk?”
“Okay, see, I thought I was gangsta,” Talis begins to explain, already giggling at the whole ordeal. “And I heard that Angelina Jolie got this tat on her foot and I was like, ‘Ooh, I wanna do that.’”
“What, like on the bottom?” Ryan questions.
Talis nods and kicks off her flip-flop, offering to show him the underside of her foot. “So I got this ridiculous “ and to be fair, I did it on a whim, so I didn’t realize that I was gonna be on vacation while it was healing “ so I got these music notes. Worst pain ever.”
Justin, who had yet to say anything, even though he was supposed to be telling the story, finally decides to speak. “What I didn’t understand, though,” he says, speaking over everyone, “is why would anyone get a tattoo there, you know?”
“That’s what I was gonna say!” Ryan chuckles. “Like, you would never ever see it, nor would anyone else.”
“I fully admit it was stupid!” Talis concedes. “I just have this huge crush on Angelina, and when she did it, I was like, ‘Yeahhhh, bitches.’”
“How long ago was this?”
“This was…” she thinks for a moment, “it was right around the time we got engaged, because I got the music notes for My Love,” she recalls.
“So almost two years ago,” Justin remembers with her.
“That’s funny,” Ryan replies, taking a long sip from his bottle of Virgil’s.
“Nah, but remember how the Italians would still try to get at Talis while Justin was carrying her?” Trace goes on to say. “Like at the end of the night, Justin would have her over his shoulder or some shit, and the dudes would be all flirty and like, ‘Salve, signorina.’”
“And her ass always said somethin’ back too,” Justin shakes his head. “I’m like, ‘If you don’t shut the hell up!’ Got them following us back to the hotel and shit.”
“I can’t help it if I’m a nice person,” she teasingly defends. “They just did it to get a rise out of Justin, though.”
“And they did every single time,” I tell Ryan. “Didn’t you get into a fight with someone on the last night we were there?”
“Hell yeah I did,” Justin bolsters proudly. “Dude was like all up in this area,” he signals, his hands circling his chest, “talking in Italian; and he was literally gaping at Talis.”
“Those Europeans are some brazen motherfuckers,” Ryan supplies with a nod. “I would’ve done the same thing.”
“Thank you,” Justin exclaims. “I knew I wasn’t crazy.”
“You were a little crazy,” Jo tells him matter-of-factly.
“Okay, but with good reason.”
Lunch at Justin’s house is going surprisingly well. I didn’t know all the details of what happened the night before with Justin and Talis, but I’m guessing it helped. Talis texted me super late last night and, from what I could decipher of her drunkenness, she was staying with Justin, which I was stoked about. But to see them in this setting, the way I’ve known them for so many years, has been so comforting. For a minute there, I was scared that it would never happen again but I’ve been nothing but relieved since I walked in here two hours ago.
“So do you guys have another one of your big trips planned for the holidays?” Ryan asks the table.
“Umm, for Thanksgiving,” Jo starts to answer, “Trace and I are going back to Memphis to spend it with his family. Then we’re doing Christmas in Chicago with my family.”
“Don’t you love the splitting up holidays?” he smirks.
“Yeah, our parents can’t wait to find out who ends up where,” Trace rolls his eyes, knowing all too well that his mom is never happy with the arrangement.
“Our parents were like that too,” Talis relates, “but then Justin was like, ‘Okay fuck this. All of you guys can come out here to our house every holiday.’ So that’s what they do.”
“You must not have any siblings,” Ryan recognizes.
“I have a younger sister, but Jus is an only child.”
“Plus, her sister just started college,” Justin adds, “so she goes wherever her parents go.”
“Ah, makes sense.”
“Yeah,” Trace agrees, “if you have a lot of siblings with their own families, there’s no way you’d get the whole family to fly to LA.”
“Oh, Justin could do it,” Talis counters, gazing at him lovingly. “He’s very persuasive.”
“I did, after all, convince my grandparents to get on a plane, didn’t I?” It was true. After much goading, Justin was able to get his almost-80-year-old grandparents out of Millington and on a flight to Los Angeles, for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“Hey Jess, what are you doing for the holidays?” JoAnna directs to me.
“Umm,” I clear my throat. “Well, for Thanksgiving, I’ll be here in Marina del Ray with my parents and brother. And for Christmas, we’re going back to Colorado to visit some friends.”
“How come I didn’t know that, Jess?” Justin says, glancing at me.
“You never asked.”
There’s a brief silence at the table while we eye one another, but thankfully, Talis clears her throat and begins piling the dishes together. “Ladies, you wanna help me?”
“I got it,” Justin proclaims, standing up to take the empty pan “ that once contained chicken wraps “ from Talis.
I watch as the other two guys follow suit, clearing the glasses and plates from the table. “Now this is what I like to see,” I grin as they leave the room.
“That’s right,” Talis appends, “A good man is not afraid of the kitchen!”
“Shuddup,” Trace shouts back jokingly.
Once I hear the sound of water running and dishes clanking, I look at my girls expectantly. Nervously, actually. “So, what do you guys think?”
“Of Ryan?” JoAnna guesses. “I think he’s great!”
“He really is,” Talis concurs. “He seems really nice. And smart. He’s an east coast boy too, right?”
I nod. “He’s from Delaware.”
“I like him,” she reveals. “And he is hot.”
Jo smiles brightly and looks back at me. “Do you think this could turn into, like, a big thing?”
“Oh gosh, I don’t know,” I answer with a lowered voice. “I mean, that would be really nifty, but I’m not gonna push it. You guys know how I am.”
“Well yeah, but Jess…” Talis gives me an odd glance, but I continue to look at her, dumfounded. “We’re gonna be thirty before we know it.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I frown.
“I mean… It’s just that “ I mean, you’re not getting any younger…”
“And?”
“And… you know I want nothing more than to see you happy, Jess.”
She sounds like she feels sorry for me, and I don’t like it. “Talis, being that you walked out on your wedding, this is starting to sound a lot like one of those glass houses and stones situations.”
“I know that I fucked up,” she whispers, “you don’t have to keep pointing it out. I’m just saying that if you see any potential with Ryan, why don’t you just…pursue it, you know?”
JoAnna is looking rather uncomfortable at this point, so I do my best to dissect the tension in the air. “I will,” I nod.
The fact is, I’m not really a long-term relationship type of girl. I’m not Talis and I’ve never found my Justin, so why Talis would expect me to throw all caution to the wind and jump into a relationship with Ryan has me a little mind-fucked.
I mean, he seems like a nice guy so far, but come on. I’ve known him for a total of about two weeks. And he’s got kids. And I’d be the first woman he became seriously involved with since divorcing Reese Witherspoon. She’s not just the mother of his kids, as if that isn’t an impossible enough act to follow, but she’s kind of a big deal. As in Oscar big. I’m not sure that I have the self-esteem to pull this one off.
I’m not especially insecure or anything, but I am certainly no Talis Nixon. Overconfidence is a luxury I’ve never been able to afford, but Talis, being the perfect organism that she is, has never been able to comprehend that. And hey, why should she? The outcome of last night is pure proof that she always has and always will get what she wants.
>>>>>>>>>>
Saturday afternoon, with the three couples watching movies and vegging out on pizza and popcorn, turned into Sunday, and then Monday morning. Talis stuck around the house the entire weekend, much to Justin’s chagrin. He still hadn’t figured out whether he wanted her there or if he was just too much of a nice guy to say otherwise, but he knew his weekend would’ve gone much better without her. He was so distracted, he hadn’t interacted with anyone that wasn’t a part of his household for an entire two days.
But on Monday morning, just a few moments after 8:00 AM, his weekend officially came to a close when he was scheduled to call into Ryan Seacrest’s morning show.
“Call Sonia!” Rachael shouted, banging on the door to his bedroom, referring to his latest publicist.
He sighed heavily, and rubbed his face, internally begging for just five more minutes. “I’m up, I’m up,” he shouted.
Talis yawned loudly, squinting her eyes in his direction. “You going somewhere?”
“Interview,” he mumbled, sitting himself up. He grabbed his BlackBerry for the first time since Friday, and speed dialed Sonia Muckle.
“Hey sweetie, I was just about to call you,” she answered. “Hold on for me.”
“All right,” he managed to get out beneath a yawn, still rubbing his eyes.
When she returned after a few minutes of silence, he could hear Ryan Seacrest introducing him to the city of Los Angeles. “He’s got a charity golf tournament in Vegas going down this weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Timberlake is on the line. Justin, how are ya, buddy?”
“I’m good,” Justin attempted to smile, though the sleep in his voice was thick.
“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you up, man. I know you need all the sleep you can get.”
“Ahh, I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he joked.
“So it’s good to hear from you, what’s goin’ on? You have a good weekend?”
“I did,” he confirmed, nodding slowly. “I umm… I kinda just lazed around the house, but it was good.”
“See now, I imagine lazing around the house for you is, like, hosting a party of about a hundred people on any given night.”
Justin laughed tiredly, but earnestly. “That’s funny, but no. No, nothing like that.”
“So do you really just sprawl out across the couch and watch Project Runway all weekend?”
“Well, I don’t do it on a regular basis, but yeah, totally. I watch “ actually, it’s SportsCenter is like my crack,” he chuckled. “So yeah, kickin’ it with a couple of beers in front of the TV…”
“With your good friend, Jessica Biel?” Ryan pressed, as he so annoyingly tended to do.
“Umm,” he laughed, trying not to reveal that he was bordering on irritated. “Yeah, we hung out for a bit.”
“Justin, how was your Halloween?” Ellen K, Ryan’s sidekick, injected into the conversation.
“It was good,” he nodded again. “I umm, went to this party for Jess, actually,” he divulged. “We all dressed up and had a really good time just hanging out.”
“Was that the party at Area?” Ryan realized.
“Uhhh. Yeah.”
“Yeah! I was there, Justin.”
“Really?” He was trying to sound interested. “You should’ve come by, said Hello.”
“Well, I would’ve, but they don’t let me up in Very VIP where you are,” he teased. “There’s regular VIP, where I am, and then there’s Very VIP, where people like Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel get to roam.”
“Oh, well next time, I’ll make sure to come down and join the little people,” Justin advised, laughing.
“We’d appreciate it, Justin.”
“He’s so modest!” he shook his head, sarcastically referring to himself.
“Hey Justin,” Ellen began to ask, “I heard you were there with some girl sitting in your lap, and you guys talked for like three hours.”
“Umm. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“No?”
“I’m pretty sure I could never hold a conversation for three hours. I’m just not that interesting,” he answered sardonically, then added a chortle. “So, I’m gonna say that one is false.”
“Ellen, where do you get this stuff?” Ryan asked her, finally noticing Justin’s exasperation.
“I just report what they say!”
“Anyway, Justin, I know you have a lot to do, so tell us about this big golf tournament you’ve got going on.”
“Oh, well it’s called the Justin Timberlake Shriners for Children Hospital Open, which is the longest name ever for a golf tournament…”
“That’s a mouthful,” Ryan agreed.
“And basically, we’re playing golf to raise money for the kids. Shriners Hospital is known for giving, you know, high-end healthcare to kids for free. And they’re only able to do that through other people’s contributions, so I felt like this was a really good cause to get behind. And I’m absolutely obsessed with golf, so…”
“That’s what I hear, man. What’s your handicap?”
“Ummm. It seesaws between a four and a ten, depending on whether I’m on tour,” he explained with a chuckle. “I’ve been playing a lot lately, so I’ve been good. I’m really excited about this weekend.”
“And it’s in Vegas all next week, right?”
“All next week, yes. Tickets are actually still available for the pro tournaments towards the end of the week.”
“Are you playing in that?” Ellen questioned.
“Umm, no. No, I’m in the celebrity pro-am, which is next Wednesday. And umm, I’ll be there, we’ve got Michael Jordan, Tony Romo, Jessica Biel, Shia LaBeouf, Hayden Panettiere, Eva Longoria, the list goes on and on,” he grinned. “It’s gonna be fun.”
“Well Justin, you know I can’t stay the whole week, but I’ll definitely come and check it out.”
“Good, I hope you do,” he nodded.
“Justin, always a pleasure, my man.”
“Same here.”
“Take care, all right?”
“I will,” he finished. “Byeeee, Elllen!”
She giggled, because that was always how he ended their conversations. “Bye, Justin!”
He ended the call with them and his publicist with a heavy sigh, staring at the time on his BlackBerry Bold. It was so early, and he had nothing to do, really. He had another interview with a Las Vegas radio station later that morning, but aside from that, he was stuck with Talis and the silence.
“I’m gonna take the dogs for a walk,” she announced to him, even though she appeared to have fallen back asleep in the time he’d done his interview.
“Are you talking in your sleep?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake her if she was.
She let out a loud giggle. “No.”
“Are you walking them in your head?”
“I’m gonna get up in a minute,” she promised, still not moving. “You want any breakfast or anything?”
“I can make breakfast,” he assured her. “Just make sure you don’t take them past that house with the big McCain sign. They have weird cats.”
“I know.”
“And don’t let Brennan walk too close to the outlooks. She always tries to bring some tourist home with her.”
“I know.”
“And make sure Buckley doesn’t--.”
“This is not my first time,” she quipped, interrupting his list of instructions.
He held his hands up in concession. “I digress.” He grabbed his cell from the nightstand again, and headed into the bathroom, deciding that it was probably time to finally check his messages. Taking a seat on the toilet, he went through only one random hang-up before getting to a message that was received on Saturday at 4:00 a.m.
“Justin Timberlake!” It was Rie. A very loud version of her, anyway. “Justin motherfucking Timberlake. You are one ‘interesting’ fella, I’ll giveyouthat,” she slurred loudly. “’Cause see, I had this ridiculous ass idea that you were almost normal. Soooo stupid, I know, but I believed in you, sir. I believed all that shit you told me about being smarter than the rest of Hollywood, being nicer, being more commonsensical. And how you didn’t care. You said you didn’t care anymore!” she shouted. “But nope. You don’t hate her and you do care!
You loooove her. She’s your loooove, right? Ain’t no ‘notherwoman thatcan take my spot, my love,” she sang, unbearably and obnoxiously off-key. “I’m the ainanother woman, right? Oh, Justin Timberlake.” She sighed as if she were actually having some exhausting argument with him instead of his mailbox. “I already told you I didn’t trust you. Did you really have to go and prove me right? Stop lying to me, Justin! You kissed her because youwant her back, you liar!” she yelled. “So howabout you don’t call me anymore!”
He could hear the unmistakable accent of his friend, Huch, in the background, telling her it was time to go. “All right. Let’s go home, darlin’,” he was saying.
“I’m drunk,” Rie mumbled back into the phone. “And stop shaking your head at me. I know you’re shaking your head at me. Stop shaking your head at me,” she commanded. “Because I’m still in the age group where drunk moice vails are socially acceptable, so fuck you, Justin Timberl--.”
“To delete, press seven…” the voice mail lady told him.
He immediately ended the call, despite the fourteen other messages he’d yet to check, and stared out to the mirror in front of him, which reflected his bedroom. His house was impossibly quiet, and he hated and loved the silence. Another oxymoron, he thought.
He knew Rie had just been talking out of the side of her drunk ass neck, but looking back at Talis, he also knew that she had a point. No matter how much he didn’t want to acknowledge it, Talis was who he loved, and there truly wasn’t another woman that could take her spot. Not even Rie.
Say What You Need To Say by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay guys, this is definitely one of my favorite chapters, so I really, really hope you guys like it. I can't thank you enough for all the feedback. Keep it comin'! Enjooooy. -Ash
9 >> Say What You Need To Say
It was mid-December now, and Justin was in a much better place than he had been five weeks earlier “ especially where Talis was concerned. They had been peacefully coexisting in his Hollywood Hills home, not quite as a couple, but not just friends, either. They were getting along as well as could be expected, grocery shopping, enjoying dinners together, sleeping in the same bed “ all those things that couples did together. But neither of them knew what to call their situation. Talis was too scared to ask, and Justin was too unwilling to answer. Either way, they had each made peace with the arrangement, as they knew that was all Justin was willing to offer.
Adding to the oddity of the ordeal, Justin hadn’t heard a thing from Rie since her drunken spiel on Halloween night. She hadn’t called, nor had she returned any of his calls or texts, and he’d sent tons of them. He knew they didn’t part on the best terms, but things couldn’t have been that bad, could they?
“The shit I don’t get,” Justin was explaining to Jessica over dinner, “is that, like, she was really cool, right?”
“She was,” Jess nodded nervously. “I mean, she is.”
“But like, fine don’t call back after the first three or four times, okay. She probably thought nothing of it, but I sent her personalized Thanksgiving messages and shit,” he explained in frustration. “I’m highly offended.”
“Jus, I think you’re overreacting.”
“I know I am!” He inhaled a forkful of his chicken Caesar and looked up to Jess. “It’s actually driving me crazy a little bit, because I’ve suddenly got this obsession with checking my phone. And you know how much I hate my phone.”
“I know,” she smiled.
“And there’s nothing more of a smackdown than running to your phone at the slightest chance that it vibrated, to see if it says, ‘One missed call,’ and all it fucking says is the time and date,” he shook his head. “Shit drives me insane.”
“Okay, I do know what you mean there,” Jess finally laughed. “Whenever I’m waiting for Ry--.”
“And another thing,” he obliviously cut her off, “that fucking voicemail lady? That bitch has an attitude when she says that whole, ‘You have no messages,’” he imitated her electronic voice. “Why she gotta say it like that? It makes me wanna run over to AT&T and smack the fucking shit out of her.”
“Do you have any idea how insane you sound right now?”
“Yes!” he chuckled. “This is what Rie has done to me, Jess! Because I just don’t get it.”
“Well, maybe she feels bad about that whole thing with Huch?” she suggested naively.
Jess was just as clueless as he was, because she and Rie had gone from being relatively cool to no contact whatsoever over the month of November. Jessica still hung out with Jac on a regular basis, but whenever the subject of Rie was brought up, Jac would just change it. It was weird all around.
“Wait,” Justin dropped his fork back into his plate. “What whole thing with Huch?”
“You know he fucked her,” she revealed casually, using a low voice, “right?”
“No?”
“Seriously?”
“When did this occur?” he demanded with narrowed eyes.
“The night of that Halloween party,” she recalled, resuming her task of slicing what was left of her stuffed pepper. “I thought you knew that.”
He shook his head vehemently. “I’m sure I could’ve figured it out, I guess, but I never really thought about it, and Huch never mentioned it.”
“I’m sorry, Jus; I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t think you already knew.”
He shrugged offhandedly, going back to his salad. “It’s not a big deal.”
“You sure?”
“Umm, yeah. They’re two single people, why shouldn’t they?”
Jess only glanced at him, as the last thing she wanted to do was push his buttons over something so unimportant. She didn’t believe a word of his act, but if this meant pushing him further into Talis’s corner, she was all for it. “Well all ri--.”
“Will you excuse me?” he interrupted, instantaneously popping up from the table. He escaped the clamorous restaurant, pulling out his phone as he found a spot near the valet stand, and dialed Rie’s number for the first time since November ended.
He was fairly certain that she wouldn’t answer, but due to all the damage she’d already done to his ego, he figured that one more call wouldn’t matter all that much. He waited the four rings it usually took to get to her voicemail, but hung up before he had to hear her greeting of, “Hey, it’s Rie…” for what seemed like the hundredth time.
He stood there in the mild evening, staring out to the cars pulling up to the restaurant, wondering what he would’ve said if she actually had answered. He couldn’t tell her he was angry to find out that she fucked his best friend, because it wasn’t like he had any right to be. She was single, like he said; Huch was single, too. What could he justifiably be upset about? Nothing. Which was why he wasn’t. Perturbed a little, yes. Irritated? Yeah. But no, not angry. He had no reason and no right to be.
As he got lost in this internal debate, he almost didn’t realize that his phone was vibrating until it started to play a ringtone version of The Fresh Prince theme song. He looked down, almost shocked to find that Rie was calling back. “Hello?” he answered cautiously.
“Hey, long time no talk,” she saluted, not especially cheerfully.
“Yeah, thanks to you.” He was already smiling at the sound of her voice. “Where the hell have you been?”
“Oh,” she sighed, “just busy, I guess. “The holidays can be kind of crazy, ya know?”
“You liar,” he chuckled. “I mean, I know you said you wanted your space or whatever, but I thought you were just being drunk.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Oh, I was just saying how the last time we talked, you were kinda mad at me, but I thought it was just ‘cause you were drunk,” he explained. “I didn’t think you really meant that you didn’t want to speak to me anymore.”
“Oh god,” she groaned in realization.
“And I mean, if you meant it, that’s fine. Like, I don’t know if you thought I was mad about the whole thing with Huch or “ I mean, I just want you to know… it’s fine. I’m fine,” he was nodding. “Like, that’s you and your business, so don’t worry about what I think. I just was wondering where you’d been and…”
She let out a short chuckle as his long-windedness trailed into silence. “Justin, I’m really, really sorry about that. I… umm “ I don’t know what that was.”
“Hey, don’t mention it. I mean, it’s not like you have to answer to me anytime you wanna sleep with somebody,” he laughed nervously. “Even though it was my best friend, but still, it’s not even any of my business. I’m just--.”
“Justin?” she tried to interrupt him.
“”Glad that you’re not still mad at me,” he continued. “’Cause I got your message, and then I heard about this whole thing with Huch and I just had to call one more time just to see if maybe I missed something… I dunno. But yeah, I’m just relieved that we’re cool and you answered the phone. And hey, I’m totally willing to forgive you.”
“Really?” she remarked, a bit seriously.
“Yeah, it’s cool. Don’t even worry about it.”
“Wow, that’s very big of you.”
He noted the sarcasm in her tone and frowned to himself. “Rie, what’s wrong? I thought you were apologizing.”
“I’m not apologizing for having sex!” she chirped. “With your best friend or whoever it was. I’m apologizing because I, apparently, left some ridiculous message for you while I was drunk, and I can’t even imagine how embarrassing I was.”
“Oh. So you don’t think that fucking one of my best friends behind my back was wrong?” he replied.
“No?”
“Wow,” he scoffed.
“Didn’t you just say that it was fine?” she remembered. “Why are you being so bitchass?”
“Rie, don’t start that shit with me right now.”
“Fuck you, Justin,” she spat back quickly. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“In fact, I do,” he began walking back towards the restaurant entrance. “I’m having dinner with my friend, so… I’m gonna let you go.”
“I figured,” she retorted. “Bye.” Frustrated, she dropped the phone to her coffee table and sunk into her couch. With a long exhale, she covered her face with her hands in anguish, looking up to her ceiling. Before she knew it, tears were rolling past her eyes and into her hair. “What the hell am I doing?” she whispered to herself.
The past month of her life had been so unexpectedly difficult, and she found herself lashing out at people for no reason at all. She was in pain, undeniably, and she was finding it near impossible to be around anyone but herself. Not even Jac, her lifelong friend, was able to cure her of her misery.
She wanted nothing more than to live again, and she thought she was taking a step towards that by returning Justin’s call a few minutes before, but talking to him only seemed to make it worse. Which is why she had no idea why she was calling him back; but just a few seconds later, she was sniffling and pressing the green button on her BlackBerry twice.
“What is it?” he answered, sounding bored.
She knew she didn’t have any right to lay this on him the way she was about to, but he did deserve to know why she was acting so oddly. So she let out a shaky sigh before quietly telling him, “Justin… my mom died.”
>>>>>>>>>>
Justin let himself into Tina’s humble abode at Rie’s direction, and headed for the kitchen at the back of the house. He entered to find her sitting at the rectangular glass table with several small photo boxes, filled with pictures. “Hey.”
She looked up from her handful of photos and gave him a weak smile. “Hey.”
“What are you doing?”
“Just going through some of my mom’s stuff,” she sniffled, clearly fighting tears. She held up a picture of herself and Tina from her graduation ceremony at UCLA. “This was the hug of my life,” she remembered clearly. “I think we must have hugged for at least five minutes.”
Justin took a seat in the chair adjacent to her and stared at the picture. “You look happy,” he commented.
“I was. It’s probably the first and last time I’ll ever finish something I’ve started,” she chuckled. Her tears were falling freely now, but she continued to look at the picture with Justin. “I can’t believe she’s gone.”
He didn’t know what to say, so he took a moment to step outside of himself and take her free hand into his, affectionately rubbing his thumb along her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
She closed her eyes for a bit, though tears still seemed to escape them, and reveled in the sensation of his touch. It was so soothing. When she opened her eyes, his azure orbs were staring back at her. “I’ll be okay,” she assured him. “I’m not sure how or when, but I will be.”
He squeezed her hand one more time before letting go. “I know you will.”
She let out a wobbly exhale and then dropped the picture to the table with the others. “So,” she began, “what did you wanna talk about?”
“Well,” he sighed, trying to figure out a way to switch gears completely. “I wanna take you skydiving.”
She immediately burst into laughter and got up from the table. “Thank you. I needed that.”
“I’m serious,” he chuckled back, getting up as well. “I already made the appointment for Saturday. We can drive down to San Diego tomorrow afternoon and then we’ll go out at like seven in the morning and do the jump.”
“Justin, are you crazy?” she exclaimed. “I’m not jumping out of a freakin’ plane!”
“You need this,” he replied calmly.
“I think not.” She stood with her hands propped against the sink, wondering how he could even be considering something so absurd. “Hell no,” she added.
“Rie, do you trust me?”
“Not if you want me to jump out of a perfectly good plane!”
He let out a soft chuckle and joined her at the sink, rearranging his words. “Rie, trust me.”
“There is nothing you can say that will get me to do this, so you can take your dysfunctional self and go sit down somewhere.”
“You’re gonna do it,” he smiled.
“I’m really not.”
“Listen, I know it sounds ridiculous,” he agreed, “but I did it when I was twenty, and it was the most freeing experience I’ve ever had in my life. So you’re gonna get on that plane with all this baggage and pain you’re carrying around, and then you’re gonna jump out of it, and leave all that bullshit behind. And then you’ll thank me for it.”
She gave him a look that told him she really was considering it, and then glanced back down at her hands. “Justin, I can’t jump out of a plane.”
“Why not? What’s stopping you?”
“Umm, plummeting to my death?”
“Okay, first of all, the likelihood of that happening is so low, you shouldn’t even be thinking about that. Second of all, if you die, then you die, and all the pain in your life will be gone anyway. Thirdly, that’s not gonna happen, so… give me an actual good reason.”
“It’s scary!”
“That’s the point, Rie! Face your fears, head on. Just throw all caution to the wind and jump.”
“I can’t,” she whined. “And this is so sudden. Saturday is like --.”
“The day after tomorrow,” Justin finished for her. “Yes, which means you need to stop thinking about it and just do it.”
“You make it sound so easy,” she laughed with a roll of her eyes.
“That’s because it is, Rie.”
She eyed him expectantly, hoping he’d bust out with one of his signature, ‘Nah, I’m just kidding’s, but no such luck. “And you’re gonna jump with me, right?”
“Well you’re gonna have a professional attached to you, but I’ll be jumping right behind you.”
She looked down again, but began to nod slowly. “God, you’re such a bad influence.”
“You have no idea how glad you’ll be that you did it,” he proclaimed excitedly.
“All I know is, if I die, I’m kicking your candy ass.”
He smiled at her knowingly, but played along. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
>>>>>>>>>>
The following afternoon, Justin and Rie drove down to San Diego together, as planned, and took a brief training session for their tandem jump the next morning. Rie was becoming less apprehensive and more excited about the idea as every moment passed. At dinner, all she could talk about was the jump and how she couldn’t wait to feel the air on her face, the wind in her mouth, the feeling of flying. Justin was proud.
It was close to 11:00 PM when she was knocking on the door of his hotel suite at the Loew’s Coronado Bay, nervously awaiting his answer. “Hey,” he eventually opened the door groggily, dressed in his pajamas. It was safe to assume he’d been asleep.
“Hey.” She let herself into his luxurious room, which was identical to hers, and took a seat at an empty desk.
“Come on in,” he mumbled to himself, following her back inside.
“I wanna do something,” she announced to him. She found the hotel stationery she’d been searching for and then directed Justin to the couch with her, pulling off a sheet of paper.
“All right, what are we doing?”
“You know yesterday, how you said I needed to get on that plane with all my bags and leave without them?”
“Something like that,” he nodded, knitting his eyebrows. “Yeah.”
“All right. Well I want us both to write down everything we need to be rid of in our lives,” she explained. “All the toxic shit, all the sadness, everything we could do without. And then we’re gonna take these sheets of paper with us and let them go as we’re falling. Okay?”
He bit his lip, but he was inwardly smiling at the idea. “Okay.”
“I think it’s a good way to start off the New Year,” she added. “I feel like we really need this.”
“I’m excited for you,” he grinned as he placed his paper on the coffee table. For a moment, he watched Rie write out what appeared to be an entire soliloquy, and he couldn’t be happier that she was getting so into this. “What in God’s name are you writing?” he finally interrupted.
She looked back at him with a smirk. “I carry a lot of stuff around with me.”
“No shit,” he stared at her paper with raised eyebrows. “What’s on your list?”
“I’m not telling you until you write something on yours,” she told him, adding another item to her sheet of paper. “So write.”
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
After about ten minutes of silent contemplation and writing, Justin looked back to Rie, who seemed to be reading over her list. “You done?” he asked.
“Just about,” she decided. “I feel like something’s missing, though.”
“Something’s always missing,” he simpered. “Tell me what you wrote.”
“Okay,” she exhaled sharply, giving him a nervous look before beginning. “You ready?”
“I’m ready.”
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put ‘em in quotations
“As of this day, December 20, 2008, Adrienne Olivia Torrey is free of the following,” she took another deep breath and dove into her list. “Resentment, regret, doubting myself, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, any ounce of me that’s overly-confident, every part of me that’s unjustifiably insecure, holding on to negativity, projecting negativity to others, disappointment, feelings of failure for not being who my mom wanted, the timeline I put into place before I even knew who I was, feelings of guilt for things that are beyond my control,” her voice was cracking and tears were beginning to sting the back of her eyes. “Feeling like I don’t deserve happiness,” she went on to read, “laziness, fear of commitment, fear of finishing, fear of finishing last, and most importantly, using my mom’s death as an excuse not to live my life.”
Digesting her words, Justin smiled and nodded. “I’m so--.”
And say what you need to say
“What makes life so compelling,” she went on, “is that nobody can avoid darkness, but in the moments when things fall into place, as I am falling now, they are to be enjoyed as much for what they are as what they won’t be someday. I realize that all the scars I have, from all the stupid little accidents in life, from things I wish I did or didn’t say, brought me to where I am now. And I’ll look in the mirror and think, ‘Well, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it’ll take it.’ Because it’s life, and you get dirt on it. And it’s not about how long you can go without getting it dirty, but about how you deal with it when you do. And as much as I try to live my life with regret control, taking notes and taking pictures, I realize that I have to take it and live it and deal with it anyway.
So thank you, mom, for teaching me and loving me and accepting me, even when I thought you didn’t. Thank you for raising me in the wonder that is Los Angeles, to be a thinker, and a leader, and for allowing me to grow into Rie Torrey, Whomever Extraordinaire. At some point, somewhere along the way, I began taking you for granted, and that was never my intention.” She was crying now. “Somehow, I forgot to say Thank You for being you, because I was off somewhere being me. Ma, thank you. You are… irreplaceable.” With tears flooding her face, she finally looked up to Justin, who was tearing up as well. “Goodbye.”
“Rie.” He seemed stunned.
Say what you need to say
“I told you, I carry a lot of bags.”
“Shit, why didn’t you let me go first?” His smile widened into a chuckle and then he bit his lip. “You’re amazing,” he stated simply.
“I’m really not.” She was grinning as well, but tears were still coming down.
“No really, you are. You’re just… it’s ridiculous how perfect you are.”
“I’m so much weaker than I let on.”
Say what you need to say
“I know,” he nodded. “That’s why I like you.”
“What’s on your list?” she finally asked, wiping her face with the tail of her tank top.
“Well, it’s not quite as thorough as yours,” he warned, “but all right.” He pretended to clear his throat and then gave one of his signature flirtatious looks before starting. “The need to be perfect, the need to be loved, the need to always be right, self-doubt, self-deprecation, fear of not being there, fear of close objects, the need for approval from anyone but myself, holding myself and others to standards that can’t be reached, resentment, and finally…” he sighed, “Talis.”
“I really want those for you,” she beamed. “Especially the last one.”
“Yeah, me too.” He sat back in the seat and turned his head towards her. “Are you nervous?”
“Not really,” she rationed. “I’m a little anxious, but mostly just excited.”
“I feel like you’re gonna be jumping into a new life or something.”
“That’s how I feel! Except, I hope I can live up to these expectations I’m setting for myself.”
“Wait, is that you being insecure?” he teased, referring to her list.
“Shit. I can’t say stuff like that after tomorrow, can I?”
He shook his head and let his eyes fall closed, though he was still facing her, their noses only inches apart with their cheeks resting against the back of the sofa.
Rie took that moment to study his delicate features. He had long, light brown eyelashes that gave him a bit of an angelic undertone. His nose, though relatively pronounced, was rather cute to her. From the right angle, it actually appeared to be kind of button-like, which she found adorable. The lower half of his face was covered in a relatively sheer beard, patches of blond infused with his regularly brown hair. Even better, it provided a frame for his small pink lips, which resembled the shape of the heart he kept locked away. He was, irrefutably, a beautiful man. Looking at him didn’t do him justice. “Staring is the only thing that makes sense,” she said out loud.
His eyes fluttered open to find Rie’s magnetic brown eyes boring into him. “What?”
Walking like a one-man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
“I am so stupidly attracted to you right now,” she grinned.
“I am always stupidly attracted to you,” he answered honestly with his own smile.
She moved her face closer to his and whispered, “It feels like somethin’s heatin’ up.”
He swallowed hard at the feel of her breath on his nose. “Rie.”
“I’m not gonna kiss you,” she assured him. “You’re not ready yet.” She noticed his eyes avert towards his hands below them, which immediately justified her decision, but still, she told him, “But just know that I really want to.”
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead if you could only
Say what you need to say
>>>>>>>>>>
The next morning, Rie and Justin arrived at the field designated for San Diego Skydive, in high spirits. By 8:00 AM, they were suited up, and their skydive professionals were at their sides. Brian would be jumping with Justin, and Rie’s professional was named Woody.
“I’m getting a little nervous,” she admitted to Woody as they boarded the plane. “So if you need to just push me out, just to get the party goin’, that’s fine.”
“Well ‘No’ sounds a lot like ‘Go’ to me, so no worries,” he chuckled. “You’re gonna have a blast.”
“I know, I know. Just… jumping out of a plane still sounds ridiculous to me,” she exclaimed. “My mom would tell me to go sit down somewhere.”
“Your mom would be proud of you,” Justin corrected her. He took a seat next to her, directly in front of his tandem jumper, and pulled out his list. “You have your paper?”
“Oh yes.” She dug into her shirt and pulled out the white sheet of paper with all her burdens listed.
“What’s that you got there?” Woody asked, sitting down ahead of her.
“The weight of the past.”
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Not long thereafter, the plane was taking off and Justin and Rie were giving each other nervous glances. Justin wasn’t really very apprehensive for himself since he’d done it already. This was all about Rie, and he just hoped that she got out of it what she needed “ freedom from pain and grief.
“You ready?” Woody yelled from behind her, the two of them squatted at the edge of the small aircraft, gazing out into an endless atmosphere.
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
She nodded and looked back to Justin, who was absolutely beaming in pride for her. “I’m ready!”
As Woody counted their descent into the air, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He moved forward, and suddenly, her feet no longer had floor beneath them. She gasped at the sensation, realizing that she was flying.
“I’m flying!” she screamed, holding on to her list for dear life.
Even as the eyes are closing
“How does that feel?” he shouted.
“Amazing!” was all she could get out. And indeed, it was.
Do it with a heart wide open
Her eyes opened to the breathtaking view of San Diego below her. She breathed in the fresh air of the Pacific Ocean as she floated through her free fall, still screaming and flying, and now crying. Through her tears, she could see Justin a short distance away and watched as he ripped his paper into several pieces and let them soar through the air.
It was then that she recognized she was still clutching her paper, still gripping at the past. Just as her parachute opened up and she was safely under canopy, she looked at her list one more time. “Goodbye, ma.” She kissed the paper and finally let it fly out of her hand. With a rickety sigh of relief and tears fogging up her glasses, she fell back into the wind and floated to the ground.
Say what you need to say
The moment Justin’s feet hit the ground, Rie ran to him in excitement and awe. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, shrieking as she kissed the side of his face. “Dude!”
He was a bit taken aback, but in mostly a good way. “Dude,” he laughed. “You did it!”
“I did it!” she repeated, still holding onto him. She threw her goggles off of her face and stared into his eyes. “You told me I could jump out of a freakin’ plane, and I did it!”
In that moment, everything seemed a lot clearer to Justin as well. With Rie physically attached to him, and having thrown his fear of closeness out the window, almost literally, it all seemed to fall into place. He gave her a long, intense look and then his lips found their way to her mouth, which shocked them both. She melted off of his body so that her hands could grip his face as he deepened the kiss, his tongue grazing the outside of her lips. As they pulled apart, eyes still closed, still smiling, they both felt like they were still flying.
“I feel like I’m about sixteen years old in this moment,” he grinned as they looked around the field. “And the moment is kicking my ass.”
She was still smiling and crying tears of joy as she looked up to the sky, not really believing that she’d been up there just a few moments before. “Thank you, Justin. You might've just saved my life.”
Say what you need to say
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Thank you all so much for diggin' the last chapter! It really meant a lot to me. I just hope I don't disappoint! lol Let's keep the party goin', shall we? -Ash
10 >> The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Justin and Rie returned from their short but sweet trip to San Diego late in the evening the Sunday after their skydive. Rie expected for things to be a little awkward afterwards, considering their kiss, but Justin was quite the opposite. He had been deliciously pleasant the entire weekend, and his mood showed no signs of stopping when they returned to Los Angeles.
“Home sweet home,” Justin announced, pulling into his driveway.
Rie glanced over to her Jeep, sitting just a few feet away, waiting to whisk her back to her humble Sherman Oaks abode, but the thought of driving any more made her head hurt. “You mind if I hang out for a minute?” she sighed.
“Come on in,” he invited animatedly. “You can make me some dinner.”
“Uhhh… I can eat you some dinner,” she reoffered with a smile, following him out of his BMW and towards his back door.
He noted Jessica’s silver Lexus on the way inside, and commented, “Looks like Jess is here.”
“Sweet! I haven’t seen her since Halloween.”
“Honey, I’m home!” Justin shouted into the quiet house, dropping his keys onto his kitchen table.
“Justin, you have any bottled water?” Rie questioned, setting her purse on his counter.
“Yeah, there should be some in the fridge,” he answered. “Help yourself.” He continued into his living room, noting that Talis and Jessica were sprawled across each of his sofas, sound asleep. Biting his lip, he headed back into the kitchen where Rie stood, gazing into the refrigerator. He eyed her curvy frame for a moment before finally asking, “What are you doing?”
“Dude, you are seriously living the good life,” she told him, finally pulling out a bottle of Vitamin Water. “I’ve never seen a fridge so full before!”
“I have to admit that is all Talis. She’s like the ambassador of the kitchen. I just work in it from time to time.”
“Must be nice, having someone take care of you like that,” she smirked.
“I can take care of myself,” he shrugged. “My refrigerator would just be empty.”
“And that, my friend, would be where you lost me.”
“That’s fine,” he teased. “I have no place for fickle friends in my life.”
She playfully rolled her eyes as she took a long sip of water. “Where’s Jess?”
“Oh, her and Talis are asleep,” he pointed towards the other room, “so I thought we could make them some dinner.”
“How do you know they haven’t eaten?”
“Well. I don’t,” he realized. “We could make us some dinner then.”
“You really want me to cook, don’t you?”
“Contrary to what you think, everything is not about you, sweetheart.”
“Psshh. Contrary to what you think I think, I already know that everything is.” She giggled and set her bottle on the counter between them, taking off her UCLA sweatshirt. “What are we making?”
“Well,” he opened his extra large freezer and mulled over its contents. “It’s up to you, darlin’. Steak, chicken, fish, all of the above…”
“Dude, can’t we just order a pizza?” she whined. “It can even be a veggie pizza, if it’ll help.”
Justin let out a short chuckle, shaking his head. “You’re so lazy.”
“Admittedly. And I’ll start working on that tomorrow.”
“It’s fine; I don’t really feel like cooking either.”
“And I knew this.”
“And you’re a liar,” he grinned. He grabbed a menu from the drawer beside him and tossed it like a Frisbee towards Rie. He laughed when it hit her chest. “My bad.”
She glared at him jokingly and picked it up from the floor. “What do you like on your pizza?”
“I’m cool with whatever,” he shrugged.
“So I can get pineapple and ham?”
“Sure.”
“With olives?” she pressed.
“And anchovies, if you want. I’m really not picky.”
She tilted her head, trying to get a read on him, but failing miserably. “Okay, I don’t like any of that shit,” she laughed.
“I didn’t think so.”
She read through the extensive menu, noting the ‘Italian Special,’ which was comprised of pepperoni, Italian sausage, green peppers, onions, and mushrooms. “How about the Ita”.”
“The Italian Special is good,” he spoke at the same time as her, leaning against the counter.
“You knew I was gonna say that,” she narrowed her eyes.
“I swear, I didn’t.”
“Uh huh,” she continued to eye him. “Would they be okay with that?”
“Oh, no,” he realized Jess and Talis were in the house with them. “They like that thin crust goat cheese thing. I can’t remember the name of it.”
Rie made a face at the thought, but found it on the menu for him. “All right, so get one of those, and then one of ours, and we’re good?”
“We’re good.” He turned to pick up the phone, but was hit with a bottle cap in his cheek before he knew it. “Oh, no you di-in’t,” he spun back to her, suddenly transforming into his Shelby Hastings character from SNL.
“I think I did.”
“Girrrl,” he started looking around the kitchen, “you just wait ‘til I find somethin’ to throw.”
Rie arrogantly crossed her arms over her chest and looked him in the eye. “Waiting.”
He discreetly opened the recycle bin he had allocated for plastic and chucked an empty Smart Water bottle in her direction, hitting her in the forehead. “Now.”
Her mouth dropped in shock. “Did you just throw garbage at me?”
“Technically… yes,” he nodded.
“You just threw garbage at me,” she shouted.
“You told me to do it!”
“I hope you know that I’m now gonna have to kick your ass,” she stated factually, quickly downing the rest of her Vitamin Water.
He instantly ducked when he saw that she was throwing the bottle in his direction, but stood up just in time to get hit in the mouth by several grapes. “You are not throwing food in my house,” he laughed, trying to dodge them.
“You threw garbage at me!”
“And I’ll do it again if you don’t quit!”
She didn’t quit. In fact, she picked up a couple of oranges and apples to get in the mix, knocking him in the head a few times. “Now see, you should think before you decide to throw a menu around.”
He pulled a bowl from one of his cabinets, blocking his head with it while she continued to throw his fruit. He safely made it over to his freezer, obviously filling the bowl with ice cubes.
“Justin, what are you doing,” she questioned warily.
“Oh, I’m getting your ass back,” he nodded.
Seeing the bowlful of ice, she slowly backed away from his approach. “Justin, if you even think about it…”
“I’ve already thought about it,” he chided, moving towards her. He followed her around the floating counter of his kitchen several times, them watching one another like hawks. They couldn’t contain the smiles on their faces in the heat of their little battle, but it was getting serious.
“Okay,” she conceded. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t care,” he grinned. He made a move towards her, but lost his footing and fell to the floor before he could reach her, some of the ice splattering with him. “Ouch,” he chuckled, kicking off his flip-flops.
“Are you okay?” she crept around the counter to see him sitting there.
“Yeah,” he sighed.
She began picking up the cubes near her feet, falling right into his trap. He quickly grabbed her ankle, and she went crashing to the floor with him with a shriek. “Justin!” He had no mercy, and started shoving ice cubes down her shirt, laughing loudly when she started screaming. “Stooopppp!” she cried, trying to grab his hands. She was contorted in such a way that they were pretty much on top of each other, but he refused to stop. “It’s cold, it’s cold!” she shouted. “Please stop!”
“Say you’re sorry,” he laughed over her.
“Okay!” she squealed, as he threw another few ice cubes down her long-sleeved t-shirt, keeping her arms pinned behind her. “I surrender!”
“That wasn’t a ‘sorry,’” he denied her. “Say it!”
“Yo!” Jessica finally yelled loud enough to get their attention. “What’s goin’ on here?”
Justin and Rie immediately sobered up, standing from the floor and kicking ice cubes and grapes out of the way. “Hey,” Justin smiled uneasily.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Rie added with a wave.
Talis trailed in a few seconds later, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, yawning tiredly. She glanced at everyone in the room and greeted them, “Hey.”
“Umm, Rie, I don’t know if you’ve ever officially met Talis?” Justin offered. “Talis, this is Rie.”
The two of them smiled in one another’s direction while Jess gazed at Justin. “What are you guys up to?” she chuckled awkwardly.
“Just goofing around,” he shrugged, leaning into his counter again. “How was your weekend?”
“It was good,” she decided. “I just hung out here with Talis a little, did a little gossiping, a little soul-searching.”
“Sounds intense,” he laughed.
“It was,” Talis chimed in. “How was your trip, Jus?”
“It was great.”
“It was amazing,” Rie proclaimed excitedly. “Justin took me skydiving.”
Jess and Talis stared at her, as they didn’t realize that Justin had taken her with him to San Diego. The only information he’d given was that he was leaving. “Umm, wow,” Jess eventually piped up. “That sounds fantastic.”
“It really was. I can’t imagine where I’d be if he hadn’t…”
Justin was gazing at Rie as he nodded. “She really needed it.”
“Oh god, Rie” Jess finally realized, “I was so sorry to hear about your mom.”
“Thanks. I’m, umm… I’m okay,” she sighed. “Justin is definitely helping with that.”
“Oh, Justin wouldn’t have it any other way,” Talis replied sarcastically, causing everyone to look at her.
“So we were gonna order some pizza,” Justin interrupted, clearing his throat. “You guys want in?”
“Wait, so you’re staying for dinner?” Talis directed to Rie.
“Umm. Actually,” Rie turned to Justin, “I think I’m gonna go.”
“Aww, why are you leaving?”
“Talis,” Jess called her out. “Chill.”
Justin glared at the two of them, and then pulled Rie towards the back door by her hand. “You don’t have to go, you know.”
“I really think I should,” she tried to laugh. “Clearly, I’ve put her off by being here.”
“She doesn’t matter,” he countered quietly. “If you wanna stay, then you stay.”
She smiled, but shook her head. “Thank you for an amazing weekend, Justin, but I’m not trying to ruffle any feathers.”
He looked back to his best friend and his un-girlfriend, knowing that it must have been intimidating as hell for Rie to stand there with them. Not that she couldn’t hold her own in a room of beautiful women, but these were two women who weren’t at all used to having to share him with anyone else. He certainly didn’t want Rie feeling threatened, so he relented. “I had fun this weekend.”
She nodded quickly. “I did too.”
“What are you doing for Christmas?”
“Just hanging out with friends,” she shrugged, looking down.
“Well… if you happen to run out of them, I’ll be around,” he offered softly.
She shook away the fantasies that were starting consume her head and wrapped her arm around his neck, moving in for a quick hug and peck to the cheek. “See you later, Justin.”
“Bye, Rie.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“It was just the most amazing thing,” Justin is regaling me with the details of his recent skydive. “I mean, I’ve done it before, but I didn’t realize how emancipating it could be.”
“That’s awesome,” I grin. “I wish you had taken me with you.”
“Well I would’ve, but I wanted to do that for Rie since she was dealing with so much with her mom.”
“Oh… yeah.” I turn down Hollywood, and then turn to him as we stop at a light. It’s hard not to notice that he’s still smiling. “You’re so sweet.”
“I know, I know,” he nods with a boyish smile. “Hey, what are we going to see again?”
“’The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’,” I remind him, wondering how he could forget that when he’s been wanting to see it since the summer.
He sighs in what seems like relief, gazing out of the passenger window. “I still can’t believe Christmas is right around the corner.”
“I know,” I agree, “this year just flew by.”
“I feel like time just goes faster and faster the older we get,” he acknowledges thoughtfully, resting his head against the headrest. “It seems so unfair…”
“C’est la vie,” I retort. “Are you done with all your Christmas shopping?”
“Umm. Yeah, pretty much.”
“I just finished on Friday,” I tell him excitedly.
“What?” he says with disbelief in his tone. “I can’t believe you, Miss Perfect, didn’t have your shit done, like, back in June.”
“Shut up,” I smile. “I was so busy helping with the wedding, and then I got caught up with Ryan these last few weeks, and time just got away from me, I guess.”
“Oh yesss,” he remembers to pry, “let’s talk about Ryan.”
“Let’s not.” I chuckle, but I can feel myself getting annoyed already. “Let’s talk about Talis!”
“Let’s definitely not,” he refuses. “I don’t understand why you’re so secretive about him, Jess. If he weren’t at my house a few weeks ago, I would think you made him up.”
“Justin, that hurts.”
“Well, hey. It hurts me that you keep blocking this one part of your life from me, and I really, for the life of me, can’t figure out why.”
I make my left onto Sunset before I answer him. “I already told you why. For once, I’m going to date someone because I want to and not because you approve of him.”
“What are you talking about?” he frowns. “I’ve never told you not to date anyone.”
“Well, believe it or not, your opinion means a lot to me, and the minute you find something wrong with a guy, I start finding something wrong with him, too.”
“Okay. I appreciate that… I guess, but that’s not my fault.”
“I didn’t say it was,” I admit. “But just so that I can have a chance with this one, I can’t afford to talk about him with you.”
“I think that’s completely unfair,” he maintains, crossing his arms. “I’ve never said anything critical about any of the guys you’ve dated.”
“Yes, you have,” I counter. “And then, to top it off, you have the nerve to say I’ve never had a meaningful relationship in my life.”
“I told you I didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, except that you did.” I turn into the parking lot at Arclight and avoid his gaze until I find a spot near the elevators. “Justin, I love you. And what you think means more to me than it probably should, but at the end of the day…” I sigh heavily, and I can’t fucking believe I’m actually on the verge of tears over this.
“Jess, I honestly think Ryan is a good guy, I just--.”
“Shhhut up!” I yell, blocking the sides of my face with my hands. “I don’t care what you think, don’t tell me anymore.”
“Jessica.”
“No. Shut up,” I demand. “Get out of the car.”
He exits the car, as directed, but meets me on the driver’s side, frowning at the whole situation. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me. I just need you to understand that, as far as Ryan is concerned, you are not allowed to have an opinion. You’re not allowed to talk to me about this, because I’m not getting any younger and I need to make this work. I can’t allow you to be an excuse for not having a love life anymore.”
His features soften into a visible concession, and then a small smile. “Whatever you need, Jess.”
“Thank you.”
He reaches the elevators just a few steps ahead of me, pressing for the button as if it’s going to save him from something. We stand there silently, waiting for a chime that never comes.
“No, you know what,” he finally says after a few moments of shuffling back and forth. “I’m not gonna hold my tongue. The truth is, if you weren’t ashamed of your relationship, or too scared to feel something, you would be itching to talk to me about Ryan. You wouldn’t be able to shut up about him, or at the very least, you’d be trying to hide a smile. You have to work at love, yes, but like should be easy.
So seriously dude, if you don’t have him on your mind all the time; if you don’t wake up in the morning and want to call him before you brush your teeth; if you’re six thousand miles away and you don’t want to FedEx him something, then it’s not gonna work, no matter how I feel about him. You can fake the words, ‘I like you,’ but you can’t fake the smile in your voice when you’re on the phone. I know you’re an actor, Jess, but you cannot fake your way through a relationship, so if it’s not there, that rests squarely on your shoulders, sweetheart. Don’t you try to fucking blame it on me.”
I gaze at him caustically, as I don’t know what the hell to say to that. Lucky for me, that’s when the elevator finally decides to chime.
>>>>>>>>>>
Justin returned to his house in the Hills at sometime close to 10:00 PM, a somberness having taken over him. He and Jessica didn’t speak at all once they stepped onto those elevators, and he had no intentions of breaking the silence anytime soon.
So in his ornery mood, he trudged up to his bedroom to face his ex-future-wife, who was sitting on the balcony when he entered. “Hey,” he greeted her quietly.
She didn’t turn or anything, but instead closed her eyes. “Hey.”
He noted that she was just sitting there, gazing into the darkness, which baffled him. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just… thinking,” she sighed.
“About?”
“About stuff.” She finally looked at him, her buoyant brown eyes full of sadness. “Can you sit down?”
“Talis, what’s wrong?” he immediately recognized, taking the seat beside her.
She ran a few fingers over her forehead and then rested them over her lips, just as tears spilled onto her cheeks and dampened her hand. “I’m so, so sorry,” she started off.
I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
“Talis,” he frowned, “what’s going on?”
She paused for a moment, suspended in disbelief that she was really about to let him in on her giant secret. But she’d been holding it in for way too long now, and the longer she waited, the worse it would be. “Justin, I cheated on you.”
He blinked several times, clearly stunned by her admission, but didn’t say anything at all.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeated sadly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It was the night before the wedding and I was being so stupid and so irrational, and I was thinking of you the entire time “ it was the freaking bartender of all people “ and I wish I could kill myself for it. We did it at my bachel--.”
“Shut up,” he stopped her, closing his eyes to take it all in.
“Justin, I am so sorry.” She was crying now. “I just “ I love you so much, and I was so scared that--.”
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound
“Shut up, Talis.” He tilted his head back, trying to will away the headache that had formed in the minute he’d been sitting there. “Honestly, I don’t even know what you’re saying right now, because the world stopped when you said that you…”
“Justin--.”
“What don’t you understand about not talking?”
“I just need you to know that I’m sorry, and it meant nothing, and I want nothing more than for us to make this work. For us to be us again.”
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
He peered at her in slight incredulity and then back to the view of Los Angeles in front of him. It was unfathomable to him that he had absolutely nothing to say, and even worse, there was nothing else that she could say to make this any better.
“Justin?” He turned his head back to her slowly, but didn’t reply. “What are you thinking?” she pressed.
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say that it’s too late to apologize
“I’m thinking… that you need to go.”
“Jus, come on.”
“I’m not in the mood to argue with you, Talis, so please, just go quietly,” he spoke calmly.
“Justin, I really am so sorry,” she began to plead. “You have to forgive me.”
It’s too late
“No, I don’t.”
It’s too late to apologize
“I know that I really fucked up,” she granted, tears crashing down her delicate face, “and I’ll do anything it takes to make this up to you. But Jus, you have to forgive me.”
“I really don’t,” he shook his head.
She removed herself from her chair and kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands and intertwining her fingers with his. “Justin, come on, this is me, baby. This is me.”
“I don’t know who you are,” he frowned, trying to stop himself from tearing up. “So I don’t care.”
I take another chance, take a fall, take a shot from you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it’s nothing new, yeah
“You have to forgive me,” she insisted. “I love you; you love me…”
“I did.”
“You do!” she cried. “Stop acting like you don’t.”
I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue
“This is not an act, Talis. You need to go.”
“What do I have to do?” she begged. “You have to forgive me!”
“What you had to do should’ve been done two months ago,” he informed her, standing up from his seat. “It’s been two months, Talis!”
“I was scared.”
“If you were sorry,” he started calmly, “then you should’ve tried every day, for the past sixty days, to say, ‘Yo, Justin, I fucked someone else! I’m sorry!’ Because then, maybe I could consider even thinking about forgiving you,” he stumbled over his words. “Because then, maybe I would think you were actually sorry. But no, you don’t worm your way back into my fucking life and break my heart all over again two days before Christmas. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Justin, I’m sorry.” She was nearly crawling on the floor now, grasping at him as he made his way back inside the house.
And you say you’re sorry like the angel Heaven let me think was you
“Fine, Talis, don’t leave,” he relented, shaking his head.
“Justin, I promise you, I can fix this.”
But I’m afraid that it’s too late to apologize
“I’m sure you think that’s true…”
“Is it because of Rie?” she suggested. “Is that why you won’t give me another chance?”
“Talis, this has everything to do with you and what you did,” he rebutted. “Don’t bring her into this.”
“I don’t know what to do,” she sobbed. “I’m… I’m just “ I’m sorry.”
It’s too late
His heart was too heavy to forgive her, but it wasn’t cold enough to kick her out. Not when she was crawling on the ground after him. He just wasn’t that kind of cruel, no matter how much he wanted to be. “I don’t know whether you’ll take comfort in knowing this, or if it will just hurt even more, but I love you, Talis. That won’t change for quite some time, I imagine. And I’m sure, in time, that I’ll forgive you for fucking me up so badly in one fell swoop, but there’s no way in hell it will be today, or tomorrow, or anytime this year. I’m not sure it’ll even be next year,” he speaks evenly, although tears are rolling down his flushed cheeks. “But I will, eventually, because that’s just who I am. But until then, please know that your apologies don’t mean shit, and your empty ass confession only would’ve been somewhat forgivable had you not waited until I was over this to drop it on me.”
It’s too late to apologize
“Justin, I really didn’t mean to wait--.”
“Spare me, Talis. In the meantime, you have until the new year to get out of my house.” He turned back into the bedroom, closing the sliding door behind him.
Talis watched sadly, still kneeled on the ground, as he moved around his bedroom, piling his clothes on the bed. She wanted to say something, though she wasn’t quite sure what, but nothing came out but sobs. She couldn’t believe it, but it seemed that her relationship was actually… over.
I’m holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground
And Now It's Raining by Ashley
Author's Notes:
All right, hopefully, you guys will enjoy this one. The next few chapters will focus mostly on Justin and Rie, so stick with me; there's drama on the way! And there are semi-spoilers for Sex and the City towards the end of the chapter, so if you haven't seen the movie, well... there's your warning!
Again, thanks so much for reading and for all your feedback! -Ash
11 >> And Now It’s Raining
In an extremely rare occurrence, rain was falling over the City of Angels, and Rie was basking in the backdrop it provided as she wrapped Christmas presents. Her house was relatively quiet, aside from the music floating through the air, when her doorbell rang.
Much to her surprise, it was Justin. “Hey,” she answered in a fit of worry. The 23rd had just turned into Christmas Eve, and she knew there was no way he would show up at her door unless there was something extremely wrong.
She broke my heart
And now it’s raining, just to rub it in
“Hey,” he answered, standing frozen in front of her. His eyes said so much more than he wanted to let on, but not enough that he didn’t have to speak at all, so he finally told her, “I left Talis.”
I’m at your door
I feel so crazy ‘bout it
Her frown faded into a sympathetic stare, and she opened her arms to him. “You want a hug?”
He actually had to consider it before declining. “That’s all right.”
Pretending not to be disappointed, she opened the door wider for him. “Come on in.”
He entered her warm house, walking into the living room, where she had wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a bottle of wine, and several gifts sitting in the middle of the floor. Donny Hathaway was faintly playing in the background “ not Christmas music, but his self-titled album “ which immediately lightened his mood. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he told her when she came in behind him.
“It’s fine,” she assured him, breezing past him in her scent of pomegranate and mango. “You can help me wrap some gifts.”
“Unless you seriously hate the people you’re giving gifts to, I don’t think you want me to do that,” he smirked.
“Oh please, stop acting like you’re not good at everything.” She tiptoed into the kitchen, grabbing a champagne flute from a cabinet, and then pulled him into her living room. “Sit.”
He did as directed, taking a cross-legged seat on the floor. “Who are these gifts for?”
“Friends,” she shrugged. “Don’t worry, yours is already wrapped.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know,” she grinned, pouring him a glass of Merlot. “But I wanted to. I think you’ll like it.”
He accepted the glass of red wine and looked around the floor. “Who’s getting the Operation game?”
“Oh, that’s for my old college roommate. She swore up and down that she was gonna be a doctor, and now she works at The Grove and says she’s gonna be an actress, so it’s just a little inside joke.”
“You’re funny,” he told her factually, taking a sip from his glass.
“Well thanks, so are you.”
“Eh.”
“All right, so pass me that box behind you and tell me what happened.”
He slid a large, unmarked white box in her direction, realizing that it was light as a feather. “Is anything even in there?”
“Yeah, two Coldplay tickets for Jac,” she revealed. “I’m gonna tape a couple of bottles of water inside to add some weight.”
“You’re also very odd,” he noted, smiling. “But I like it.”
“Back atcha, baby. Now why did you leave Talis?”
You’ll say, ‘I told you so’
You saw it long ago, you knew she had to go
He sighed heavily and gave her a look. “Do I have to?”
“This is part of your whole letting go thing, right? You can’t be afraid to talk about her.”
“I’m not afraid,” he countered. “I just… I’m feeling a lot of hate right now.”
“Meaning you’re totally not letting her go.”
He gave her a long glance, his bushy brown eyebrows looming over his empty blue eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Boy, this isn’t the ESPYs; you better say something.”
He couldn’t help but crack a quick smile. “It was just a bad day,” he finally disclosed. “You know how, some days, you just wish you’d stayed in bed?” Rie nodded. “Today was one of those days.”
I finally came around, I’m back on solid ground
Can’t let it get me down
“Did you just realize that you’d had enough?”
“I wish,” he shook his head. “No, she… umm “ she told me that she cheated on me.”
A smirk formed over Rie’s features, and she took a sip of her wine before going back to wrapping her gift. “The ultimate bitchassness.”
“Seriously.”
“Did she say what happened?”
He just frowned and shook the thought away. “She might have, but I really stopped listening after she said it. I didn’t need to hear anything else.”
“But dude, what if it was like one time?” she questioned, taping shut her box of Fiji water and concert tickets. “And what if it was like four years ago?”
“Why would that matter?” He picked up the silver and red wrapping paper she was using and began cutting a large piece for Jac’s gift. “She cast me and her conscience aside to have sex with someone else. Why does it matter if it was once or twice or for an entire year?”
“Because if it was once, it was clearly a mistake, Justin.”
“You don’t fuck someone by accident, Rie.”
“Justin, come on,” she tilted her head. “This is your heart we’re talking about. Don’t treat it like your next single, or tour date, or… whatever it is that you do.”
He shook his head, holding the paper in place against the box, while Rie taped it on. “I think it’s very cut and dry. If you love someone, you don’t fucking cheat on them.”
“Yeah well. That’s because you’re a perfectionist,” she shot back. “I’m a realist.”
“Striving for perfection isn’t unrealistic.”
“Anything in life that’s perfect is the result of a series of mistakes,” she prophesized. She slid the box closer to her, folding the ends of it while looking him in the eye. “Nothing is flawless because it’s supposed to be.”
“I didn’t say anything or anyone was perfect--.”
“But you’re expecting Talis to be.”
“No,” he argued. “I’m just saying that wanting to be perfect is not a bad thing; it pushes you past what you may already think your limits are. And I think that’s pretty important if you want a successful relationship.”
Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned
She stayed silent for a moment, concentrating on his words as she finished wrapping the box. “So if you thought cheating was your limit, why aren’t you pushing yourself past it to forgive her?” She watched him look down to the floor, seemingly searching for an answer. “Listen, I don’t wanna make your day any worse, I swear, but I just wanna make sure you’re seeing clearly. Because I don’t know Talis from Adam and Eve, but I kind of get the feeling that you love her. Now, that love may have faded over the past couple of months, and understandably so, but you didn’t leave because you stopped loving her--.”
“Yeah, I stopped trusting her,” he inserted.
Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned
“No, you stopped trusting her, and pretty much everyone else, it seems, when she left that wedding,” she told him. “You left her because you realized that she was no longer the chasm of perfection that you wanted her to be, that you built her up to be all these years, and now, there’s just no way in hell, right? You finally admit to yourself that, shit, she’s not fucking perfect, and you can’t take it. You can’t find it in yourself to forgive her, or even yourself, for not being what you thought you were. She deviated from the plan, yes?”
“Rie--.”
“I mean fine, Justin, have a plan. But you don’t always have to stick to the choreography. Because I guarantee you, no one in your life is ever gonna be doing the exact same routine that you’re doing.”
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
“You’re very profound,” he mumbled, still gazing down at the box she’d wrapped. “Especially for someone who’s admitted to never being in love. How could you know what it was like? How could you ever attempt to tell me how I feel, what I’m going through? She fucking killed me,” he admitted, peering up to Rie. “I’ve tried to rationalize my way through this bullshit, saying ‘I’m okay,’ and ‘I’m getting there,’ or ‘No, no; I’ll be all right.’ But honest to god, Rie, there were some nights I wanted to go and jump off my balcony.
Because I put all my hopes into this one basket. I put my life in her hands, she supposedly put hers in mine, and that was it,” he explained. “It wasn’t perfect, but it was inexplicably close. And then, when she left the wedding, all she left me with were assumptions. ‘Oh, well maybe it was this? Or maybe, because I said this? Or maybe it’s my career?’ All I had was a handful of maybe, and then, come to find out, it was because she fucked someone else? Really? Am I really supposed to forgive her for that shit?”
Sometimes some lies can take a minute to fully realize
Her tears, your eyes, thirty seconds to apologize
“Yes?” she had to giggle innocently.
“If you’re not gonna take me seriously, I’ll just go,” he retorted, standing up from the floor.
“Justin, come on.”
He didn’t listen, already moving towards the front of the house. “Just forget it.”
You’re racing to the door, can’t take it anymore
“Dude, I’m sorry,” she called after him, shooting up from the floor. “Justin, I’m sorry!” He made it to the door, where Rie grabbed his hand for the second time that night, trying to pull him back in. “Please don’t leave like this.”
“Don’t touch me,” he muttered, wrestling out of her grasp.
“Why?” she pressed, watching him open the door. “Are you still too afraid to feel something?” He continued to step outside into the falling rain, so she yelled, “Well it’s too late, ‘cause you already do!”
“Fuck you, Adrienne.”
Irritated, she followed after him, barefoot, reaching him before he got to his car. “Why are you so afraid to like me?”
“I dunno,” he shrugged, looking out to the houses of her neighbors. “I’m not supposed to.”
I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned
“Because it’s not part of the plan?” She squinted as the rain melted her bangs into her forehead, causing droplets to fall over her eyelids. “I don’t know how you expect me to save you if you’re gonna run every time I get near you.”
Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I know it’s you! That’s why it’s pissing me off,” she yelled. “I’m doing everything right, I’m trying really hard, Justin. I’m fucking up my hair for you,” she pointed to her now-soaked black locks, “and you’re running away. What do you want from me!”
My soul has returned, so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
He turned his head, avoiding her burning stare, and inhaled her words. There was a part of him that hated her for making him like her, but the biggest part was so ready to give in. In one fell swoop, he grabbed her by the back of her soaking wet hair and with everything he had in him, pulled her in for a kiss.
Her tongue immediately snuck over his lips and into his mouth, and she tasted the wine still on his tongue, as if his kiss weren’t intoxicating enough. Her plan white tee was drenched to the core, and now the sheer fabric showcased her supple breasts, which were pressed against him amidst their kiss.
Emboldened by an instantaneous erection, Justin hoisted Rie onto his waist, never letting their lips part, and walked them back towards her front door. As she held onto his neck, he let his hands get lost in her mass of hair, while the rest of his senses got lost in her. Their tongues lashed against each other, Rie managed to catch his tongue between her lips, and sucked it gently, simulating a blow job.
It abruptly caused Justin’s erection to grow, and he groaned into her lips. “You’re a tease,” he smiled once she finally let go.
“You know that’s why you like me.”
She rolled off of his hips as they stumbled into her foyer, and he began grinding his groin into hers, which stimulated her clit even beneath their wet clothing. They both looked down at the sensations they were causing one another, and then they eyed each other, Justin’s eyebrows raised in that sexily ambiguous manner.
Rie smiled and fervently began unbuttoning his plaid Ralph Lauren oxford. She pushed him against the back of her door and dropped to her knees in front of him, slowly unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans as she teased him further. Looking up at him, she deliberately dragged her nails along the length of his dick through his boxers and she pulled down his William Rasts.
She eventually tore her gaze away from his face, letting it slip past his broad shoulders, his sparsely haired chest, his hard, flat stomach, and landed back on his groin. Rie licked her lips absently at its perfect shape and pleasurable proportions, loving that it was the work of art she dubbed it to be the day they met.
She stood to face him again, and he watched her as he kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants. Justin’s eyebrows flared then settled as his gaze dropped to Rie’s chest expectantly. Taking the hint, she grabbed her see-through shirt by the hem, pulling it off in one fluid motion, her C-sized breasts bouncing back into place as her shirt uncovered them.
She turned around, digging her thumbs in the waistband of her Pink sweats. She slowly began to tug the pants lower, but teasingly stopped abruptly, drawing a quick chuckle from Justin. She leaned forward just a little, then resumed, wiggling more provocatively as she slowly pulled her pants and panties down together. Once her deliciously round ass came into view, she paused again, stopping at her upper thigh, and held the pose until she heard an appreciative grunt from behind. Justin then proceeded to slowly slide the sweats the rest of the way down her long legs until they lay on the floor at her feet.
She turned around, wanting to feel his tongue in her mouth again, but Justin’s staying glance halted her approach. She stood naked, her hands falling to her sides, his predatory stare making her self-conscious, but it also aroused her. Her breasts tightened and grew heavier, her nipples hardening like bullets, and her breath quickened with longing.
Justin’s eyes made a slow, steady perusal of her perfectly curvy form, taking their sweet time to inhale it all. He moved in for another kiss, furiously attacking her luscious lips. He picked her up again, turning so that her back was now against the door, and dipped his index and middle fingers into her silky wet opening, causing her to gasp into his mouth. He smiled against her lips and she did her best to wrap her legs around him, which only caused Justin’s fingers to sink in further, much to her delight.
His mouth left hers to wrap around one of her breasts, and her own fingers trailed through his soft, short curls. She sighed in pleasure as his tongue teased her nipple and then began to alternate between flicking and sucking it. She managed to become even more turned on at the sight of his bulging arms, his muscles seeming bigger than life as they held her up.
“Now who’s the tease?” she whispered.
“Still you, baby.”
“Shut up and get a condom,” she grinned, still playing with his hair.
“Shit,” he mumbled into her chest, as he’d completely forgotten about it. He lowered both of them to the floor, where they sat in a variation of the lotus position, and pulled his jeans toward them.
Rie watched in admiration as he found his wallet and retrieved the Trojan they needed. “My hero.”
It was his turn to smile this time. “Shut up and open it.”
She calmly and carefully tore open the plastic wrapping, and pulled the rubber over his dick like a pro, licking her lips as she completed the task. She slowly slid down his hard shaft, ripples of ecstasy already raking her senses, both of them moaning at the sensation. Her entire body vibrated as her tight walls stretched to accommodate him.
They began rocking gently against each other and the wet wood floor, breathing at the same pace as their motions. Rie bent backwards, holding onto his ankles for leverage, while he fondled her breasts and attempted to kiss her neck. He thrust to her rhythm with long, satisfying strides, and she squeezed in demand of pleasure, her moans continuously reiterating her needs. This wasn’t going to take long for either of them.
She pulled herself back up so that her eyes locked with his, and her hips moved more urgently, more determinedly. A chill moved across her back, she squeezed down harder on him, and his hands gripped at her curves. His fingers grazed the arc of her hips, leaving hot marks on her wet skin as he thrust into her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was about to come.
Rie felt like her insides were being pulled down to her toes, as tingles ran up her arms and throughout her stomach. She gasped in pleasure, arching her back before her body went rigid with the waves or ridiculous reverie shuddering through her.
Justin held on just a little while longer, his strokes more vehement, and she returned the favor he’d already done by erotically swirling her hips around him. He steadied his hands on the floor beneath him, pumping upward and into her, with breathy grunts relaying his ecstasy. He was on the verge of climax, so Rie continued to gyrate, and he closed his eyes as she pulled him in for a passionately suffocating kiss. Before he knew it, he was slowing to a stop and he ejaculated into the condom just as everything went wobbly and weird.
His blue eyes popped open to the present, and he smiled gently at the woman writhing inside his perfect hands. He leaned in and gave her a sweet kiss on the chin and she grinned in reply. Rie began to sit back, and Justin’s soft, satisfied dick slipped out of her moist haven, both of them still breathing heavily. He sat with his back against the door, and she laid along the floor, just beside his feet, using his damp jeans as a pillow.
She stared at the ceiling with a long, gratified sigh. “Shit.”
He looked over to her with an uncontainable smile on his face, and began to laugh. “Let’s do it again,” he suggested sexily.
Her first reaction was to look at him like he was insane, but she bit her lip in contemplation and eyed him carefully. “Okay,” she agreed excitedly, already moving back towards him. “But I want you on top this time.”
>>>>>>>>>>
The rainy night eventually transcended into a sunny morning and Justin found himself awaking in Rie’s embrace. Opening his eyes to her bedroom was an awkward feeling, but for the first time in a long time, he felt rather safe in his surroundings. He felt closer to Rie than he ever thought possible after what Talis had done to him, and the best part was that he was falling in love with that feeling… And maybe even with Rie.
He exhaled softly, resting his face against Rie’s hand. “Are you awake?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah,” she confirmed, yawning. She continued to breathe softly, trying to shake away the tears that were forming in her eyes. She absolutely could not believe that this man “ this absolutely perfect man “ was in her arms, and better yet, that she wanted to keep him there for as long as possible. Her feelings were running rampant, and she had no idea how to control it, which was driving her crazy. Whether it was a pleasant crazy or a terrible crazy had yet to be seen.
“Is it Christmas yet?” he inquired groggily.
“No,” she chuckled. “It’s still the twenty-fourth.”
“Thank god,” he yawned. “I still haven’t told my mom not to come out here yet.”
“Why are you telling your mom not to come out?” She changed positions so that he could lay more comfortably in her arms. “Are you going home?”
“No, I’m gonna stay here. I’d just… rather be with you.”
She smiled at the earnestness in his voice. “You don’t mind spending it without your family?”
“I’m with them every year,” he shrugged. “We’ll be all right.”
Rie stayed quiet for a moment, running her fingers through his coarse curls, her mind wrestling with thoughts of the day ahead. “Hey, do you want your Christmas gift?” she finally asked excitedly.
His eyes shifted up toward her voice. “Umm. Yeah, sure.”
“You’re gonna like it,” she promised. She slid out of the bed and threw on a sweatshirt and some sweatpants as she swiftly moved out of the door. She returned just a minute later with a large rectangular gift, wrapped in silver and white paper. Smiling, she handed it over to him.
“This feels like clothing,” he grinned, beginning to tear the wrapping. “So, knowing you, it probably isn’t.”
“Just open it,” she encouraged.
He did as told, opening the large white box to find a UCLA hoodie staring back at him. He eyed her, pretending to be annoyed, since she knew he was a Memphis fan, and picked up the jacket. “You think you’re so funny,” he glared. And just when he’d resigned her gift to be a joke, he saw the DVD for the Sex and the City movie staring back at him from the bottom of the box. His wide smile then transformed into a hearty laugh. “Okay, you actually are funny.”
“I just think it’s super cute that you’re a fan. And… for everything you do for your fans, I think you deserve to be a fan of something for a change, you know?”
He nodded, looking down at his new movie. “This is awesome,” he told her, leaning over to plant a kiss on her cheek, “thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” She leaned back against her headboard and stared at her television across the room. “You wanna watch it now?”
“Not yet,” he yawned again, placing the hoodie back in its box. “Let’s get some coffee, wrap some gifts…”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m great,” he nodded. He moved back on the bed so that he was sitting next to Rie and leaned his head towards her. “I’m just not sure that I’m ready to see Carrie’s wedding and Steve’s confession and all, you know?”
“Ah.” She hadn’t thought of the similarities the movie had that related back to his own life, but she understood. “I can take it back if you want…”
“No, no, no, it’s not that serious,” he smiled. He saw her hand rested on the bed between them and he began to trace its outline with his index finger. “Just let me eat some breakfast first.”
“You’re so weird,” she giggled.
“I know.”
They stayed silent for a moment, both of them watching Justin’s fingers at work. Eventually, she decided to ask, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“It’s weird,” he began to confess with a sigh. “I don’t know, I think I am, but… there’s this numbness washing over me to the point where I don’t really have any feelings left. Except for you.”
She immediately intertwined her fingers with his and closed her eyes. “Justin, I don’t mind doing this whole dark and twisty and muted thing with you, but… you better not be bullshitting me.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you, Rie.”
“I know. It’s just really hard to believe “ or, not hard to believe, but I guess I just--.”
“Listen, I’m really sorry for dragging you into this circus that my life is becoming,” he spoke softly, “but I just “ I, literally, like everything about you, and… no matter what happens from here, I just think you should know that.”
With her free hand, she quickly wiped the tear that had rushed down her cheek, and stared down at their interlocked fingers. “This is gonna change everything, you know.”
He smiled at the thought and squeezed her hand a little tighter. “You promise?”
It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right
Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned
Just To Rub It In by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Hello, all! I'm really sorry for taking so long with this chapter, but I was having issues with it and going back and forth with revamping it all weekend. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but I hope you guys enjoy it. I think it's necessary, so... yeah. Let me know what you think! lol -Ash
12 >> Just To Rub It In
Justin and Rie sat curled up on Rie’s warm couch, enjoying their Christmas Eve afternoon with an afternoon showing of Justin’s new Sex and the City DVD. As the seasons in the movie changed from autumn to winter, Rie looked up to Justin, who was adorably enthralled with every scene.
“Justin,” she announced pausing the movie.
“Dude,” he frowned, sitting up to look at her. “What the hell.”
“Sorry!” she grinned. “I just had a thought.”
“Okay, what was your thought, Adrienne?”
“Stop calling me that,” she replied through gritted teeth. “And my thought was, what if we spent Christmas in New York?”
“As in tomorrow?” She nodded, her smile growing wider with every second, so he began to think about it. “Why?”
“Why not?” she answered enthusiastically, nuzzling into his chest. “Neither of us have anything keeping us here.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yessss, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m just making sure,” he grinned. “This is, like, a big step for you.”
“Oh come on, it’s just a trip. I love New York, I love taking quick trips there, I love being with you. It’s a perfect Christmas gift.” She turned her head upward so that she could get a peripheral view of his face. “What do you say?”
“Let’s do it,” he smirked.
“Yeah?”
“I mean, we’d have to leave tonight, you know.”
“That’s fine.” She hopped up from the couch, grabbing her Mac from the kitchen counter, and sat back down with him. “I’ll book a flight and a hotel, I’ll pack, we’ll go grab some clothes from your place, and we can be out of here in a few hours.”
“Oh, well aren’t you efficient,” he had to laugh. “I have a better idea, though.”
“What’s that.”
“We finish our movie, and I’ll have Rachael book us a hotel, and a private flight, and we’ll leave in the middle of the night.”
“Oh, ‘scuse me, Mister Moneybags. And why would we leave in the middle of the night?”
Taking her laptop and gently placing it on the floor, he pulled her back into his embrace and resumed his movie. “Trust me.”
“I do trust you, but why are we leaving in the middle of the night?”
“Listen, I don’t wanna freak you out or anything, but nine times out of ten, if I walk out of my house with any type of bag, I’m asking to get followed to the airport, and pretty much through the rest of my trip.”
“Oh…” Rie was automatically put off by the thought, but tried to shake it out of her head. “Okay, well covert mission it is,” she nodded.
“Yeah?”
“Whatever it takes,” she offered him a small smile. “I just wanna be with you.”
“If you’re not careful, I’m gonna start thinking you like me soon.”
She pulled his free hand up to her lips and kissed his palm softly. “I’ll risk it.”
>>>>>>>>>>
Not long afterwards, Justin and Rie were stopping by Justin’s house briefly, just to pick up a few of his essentials for the trip. After much internal wishing, he was glad to find that Talis wasn’t there when they walked in.
“Rie, come on up,” he called from the landing of his staircase.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been past the living room,” she announced, making her way towards his bedroom. “Your house is fucking gorgeous, dude.”
“Well thank you.” He offered her a seat on his bed and trailed into his walk-in closet. “You know, this used to be Errol Flynn’s house?”
“Shut up!” she marveled. “Do you know how hot he was?”
“Extremely, from what I’m told.”
“You have immense shoes to fill.”
“You say that like I can’t do it,” he chided, bringing a pile of shirts into the bedroom with them.
“I’m just sayin’… if the shoe doesn’t fit…” She moved closer to the middle of the bed to make room for Justin’s piles of clothes. “Dude, how long are you planning to say in New York.”
“Well, you never know,” he shrugged. “I could stay in New York for a good few months.”
“Really?” she made a face. “I mean, it’s a perfect place to visit, but I could never stay there more than a few days.”
“Girl, you don’t know about New York then,” he shook his head. “It’s so big and fascinating; it feels like it’s boundless. It’s just “ how can you not be completely in love with it?”
“Well I told you I’ve never been in love before.”
“And I still wonder why that is,” he remembered to tell her, sitting on the bed next to her. “How is it that someone so hot, so enigmatic, so fucking awesome hasn’t been swept off her feet like a million times by now?”
She faced him with an impish smile crossing over her features. “I guess I’m hard to impress.”
“I feel like that should surprise me, but…”
“Shut up,” she smiled. She hopped up from the bed and moved towards his closet, gazing into it with wonder. “I love how your closet is like the size of my entire house.”
“It is not,” he called back to her.
She stepped into the extra large storage room, jealously peeking into several of the drawers and over the shelves. “This is almost as dope as Carrie’s closet.”
“Pshh,” he followed her inside, “my shit is so much doper than Carrie’s.”
“Eh.” Rie playfully shrugged, and turned to him, taking his hands into hers with a bright smile. “Where do you keep your suitcases and stuff?”
“Umm. I’m not sure,” he admitted sheepishly. “Somewhere…around here.”
“As in, in the closet, or in the house?”
He narrowed his eyes as if he were really thinking about it. “In the house.”
“You’re a mess!”
“I’m very aware of that; that’s why you’re here.”
“Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and get your clothes folded and… I guess you need, like, a toothbrush and a razor and… stuff?”
“You can just fold my clothes,” he grinned, leaving her to the empty room and his pile of jeans and jackets.
She sang a random Shwayze song to herself as she picked through a fraction of his wardrobe. His collection of William Rast jeans, and Undefeated t-shirts, and Marc Jacobs jackets made her a bit envious of his lifestyle. It then took her a moment to realize that he was actually letting her into his world, and she was becoming a part of his lifestyle, and the thought made her smile inwardly and outwardly.
“Knock, knock,” there was a tap on the wall and a female voice to follow. Rie turned to find Talis staring back at her. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Rie returned meekly.
“What’s going on?” Talis dared to ask, staring at the clothing on her bed.
“Umm,” Rie gazed at her nervously. “I was just helping Justin pack up some things…”
“Is he moving out?” she frowned.
“No,” she quickly shook her head. “No. We’re just taking a quick trip.”
“Another one?” her arched eyebrows raised in surprise. “Just you and him?”
“Yeah?”
Talis sauntered further into the room, eyeing Rie as she did so, her skinny jeans clung to her slim frame, showing off her perfection. She loomed over the bed, looking through the clothes she’d been packing, and wondered, “Where are you going?”
Rie did a quick debate with herself over whether to tell her. “On a trip,” she decided.
Talis gave her a sarcastic smile and nodded. “So you don’t mind being the rebound girl, huh?”
“Not really, no.”
“You’re better than me, girl.”
“Yes, I am,” Rie deigned, turning her back to Talis, resuming her task of folding. “Why are we stating the obvious?”
“Damn, below the belt,” she laughed shakily. “I underestimated you.”
“Most people do.”
“Listen, I don’t wanna start any trouble--.”
“Then you should probably wait downstairs until I’m done here,” she retorted quickly. “I won’t be long, I promise.”
Talis was frowning at her and the sight of all her hair, but wasn’t quite sure what to say. Rie had certainly caught her off guard. The way she scampered off a few nights before, she figured Rie was more submissive than she let on. “Well okay then, Miss Thing.”
Rie contained a sardonic chuckle as she replied, “Nice seeing you again.” As she heard Talis’s light footsteps move out of the room, she softly began to sing, “You spend your nights alone, and he never comes home; and every time you call him, all you get’s a busy tone…”
“Excuse me,” Talis immediately returned to the room, her eyebrows knitted and mouth slightly ajar.
“Yeah?” Rie faced her innocently.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“What were you just singing?” she demanded stoically.
“You dated the man five years and you don’t know his songs?” Rie shook her head, feigning disappointment. “Ridiculous.”
“God, you have some nerve,” Talis marveled. “Like seriously, who do you think you are?”
Rie continued to play the game, offering Talis a handshake. “I’m Rie Torrey; nice to meet you.”
Talis was glaring at her now. “We’ve already met.”
“Then I guess you’re gonna go ahead and skedaddle?”
“No, I think I’ll stay here.” She folded her arms over her chest, still glaring at the woman across from her, daring Rie to challenge her. “This is my room, after all.”
“Oh yeah, for another week, is it?”
“Longer than it’ll ever be yours.”
“Bitch, I don’t want it to be mine,” she retorted before she even knew what she was saying. She immediately wished she could take it back, but she only closed her eyes and added, “Shit.”
“See, no. Now you need to go.”
“Talis, I’m sorry,” Rie told her sincerely. “That was rude.”
“It was. Now you need to take your little ghetto ass and get out of my room.”
Rie was anything but ghetto, and her eyes innately narrowed at the word, but the last thing she wanted to do was disrespect Justin or his house, so she nodded slowly as she dropped his sweater and began walking out of the room.
Justin was coming up the staircase just as Rie was headed down. “I finally found a suitcase,” he grinned, pulling a mid-sized Louis Vuitton with him. “I had to text Rachael to find out where they were.”
She smiled weakly. “I’ll wait for you downstairs?”
“Rie, what’s wrong?”
“Your poorer half is in there,” she pointed back to his room and winced. “I just called her a bitch.”
He instantly smiled at the notion. “You really just get better and better.”
“Shut up, I feel bad.”
“Don’t,” he reassured her. He took her hand and pulled her back into his bedroom with him. “Talis, you need to go.”
She turned from where she was glancing over his things on the bed. “Go?”
“Yeah. As in get out, leave, vacate the premises. Go.”
“Where am I supposed to go, Justin?”
He shrugged, boredom crossing over his already placid features. “Anywhere where I don’t have to see you while I’m here.”
“Jesus, I don’t even know who you are anymore, Justin.” She passed by them, shaking her head as she traipsed out of the room.
“Yeah, that sounds really legit coming from the woman who cheated on me,” he called back.
“You are horrible,” Rie smirked, letting go of his hand. “Remind me to never get on your bad side.”
“You’ve been warned.” He laid his suitcase along the wood floor and unzipped it, annoyed to find that it was full of clothing. “What the hell?”
“I take it you don’t unpack?” Rie giggled. She noted that the contents were actually women’s items, so she added, “Or I guess she doesn’t.”
Justin sucked his teeth and sighed at the sight. “You know what.” He picked up the entire open suitcase, slid open the door to his balcony and looked out to his enormous yard. He didn’t think twice before turning the suitcase upside down, watching as Talis’s clothes floated to the ground.
Rie watched from the house, gasping as he completed the action. “Justin!”
He turned back to her as he unzipped the pockets and threw out the ancillary items. “What?”
“What are you doing!”
“I’m just helping her move.” A malicious smile formed on his lips as he reentered the house.
“Dude, that was not cool.”
“Rie, come on. After everything she’s put me through, that was damn near nice.”
“Well… okay, yeah. But still, it’s Christmas.”
He rolled his eyes, knowing she was right. “Fine.”
“Let’s just pack your bag and get out of here?”
“Yes, the sooner we’re out of here, the better.”
As Rie began to pull his bag back to the center of the room, they heard the back door slam loudly. Shortly thereafter, Talis was stomping up the steps, yelling, “What the hell!” She eventually came into view, holding a pair of her Louboutins and two of her Betsey Johnson cardigans. “Did you do this?” she asked Rie.
“No,” she frowned, looking her up and down.
“I know you did, you li--.”
“I did it,” Justin stepped between them. “Your shit was in the way.”
“Justin, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“If you haven’t figured out by now that it’s you, I’m not sure what I can tell you.”
“Justin, I am sorry. I don’t know how many different ways I can say it to make you believe me, but I am so, so sorry for what I did.” She was on the verge of tears now. “You have to forgive me.”
You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You’re so ugly when you cry
“Talis--.”
“Really, Justin, I know I can’t take it back, but I am so immensely sorry for what I’ve done.” She dropped her shoes and sweaters and walked over to him, trying to take his hands. “I’m sorry,” she repeated looking into his dark blue eyes.
“Talis, stop it.”
Please, just cut it out
“Well what am I supposed to do?”
“Umm, I’m gonna wait downstairs,” Rie inserted softly.
“Rie, you don’t have to go,” he told her. “Talis is leaving.”
“Justin, stop acting like this,” she cried. “I’m sorry. You have to forgive me.”
Don’t tell me you’re sorry ‘cause you’re not
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught
“Stop saying that! You made too many mistakes,” he shook his head. “I could forgive one or the other, but not all of them.”
“Why?” she pressed. “If you love me, why can’t you move past this?”
“Because if you loved me, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
“Yo, this is hella uncomfortable,” Rie tried to laugh. “I’ll just be right downstairs.”
He nodded and watched her leave the room. “This is over,” he finally told Talis. “I can’t even look at you…”
But you put on quite a show, really had me going
Now it’s time to go, curtain’s finally closing
“Stop saying that!”
“It’s over.”
“I love you, Justin!”
“I hate you!” He closed his eyes at his harsh words, but he was finally coming to terms with the fact that that was the reality of their relationship now. “I don’t want to be around you, Talis. I look at you and it takes everything in me not to throw you out that window with your shit. I just can’t”It took you two months. I just can’t. I hate you for what you did to me.”
That was quite a show, very entertaining
But it’s over now
Go on and take a bow
“And there’s nothing I can do to fix it?”
He shook his head again, looking down at the floor. “You can leave.”
“Justin.”
“I’m serious,” he deadpanned. “Go back to Texas, go to Jess’s, go back to wherever you were after you left me; I don’t care. Just get out of my house.”
“You can’t possibly--.”
“I’m serious, Talis. You’re pissing me off even more by standing here.”
Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
She shook her head, more tears streaming down her flushed face. “Why are you doing this?”
“You did this,” he yelled.
“And I’m sorry.”
This just looks like a rerun
Please
What else is on?
Frustrated, Justin left the room, flying down the stairs, where Rie had been sitting in the living room, trying not to listen to them. He passed her and headed for the basement, where Jess left the boxes she picked up for him back in October. He assembled the boxes in his kitchen, and before anyone else knew what was happening, he began throwing all sorts of items out of the pantry.
Startled by the sound of bottles crashing and doors slamming, Rie rushed into the kitchen. “What are you doing?”
“Still helping Talis pack,” he replied evenly. “Could you slide that box over to me?”
“Justin, what the hell? Can we please just go?”
“Soon as I’m done,” he nodded. “In fact, would you mind taking those two outside?” he was referring to two of the boxes he’d already filled.
“No! I’m not gonna help you kick out your ex on Christmas,” she tried to laugh, but it came out as a scoff.
“This’ll be so much faster if you do.”
“Justin, this shit is offensive. And dare I say, a little bitchass.”
“What’s offensive is that she cheated on me, Rie. What’s offensive is that she disappeared on our wedding day. What’s offensive is that she kept this shit to herself for two months,” he spouted quickly. “If you don’t wanna help, you can go be contrary somewhere else.”
She gazed at him for a long moment, again, trying to read him. “I’m starting to wonder if this is actually a phase.”
“Rie, please.”
“Did you already tell her that she had to go?”
“Yes,” he sighed heavily. “If I know her, she’s up there packing now.”
“Okay, well I have a better idea,” she offered hopefully. “First, tell her we’re leaving.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“Just trust me,” she smiled. “Tell her we’re leaving.”
“I didn’t even get any shit for New York.”
“We can come back later then,” she sighed. “Just tell her.”
“Talis,” he began to yell. “We’re leaving now. Don’t be here when we come back tonight!”
Rie didn’t wait for her response before pulling Justin out of the house. “Just follow my lead,” she directed.
By the time they reached the car, she figured Talis had made it to a window with a view, so she planted a kiss on Justin’s unwitting mouth. Her tongue slid past his lips and he quickly returned the favor, his hands affectionately cupping her face as they dissolved into each other. Eventually, when they both began to suffocate, they pulled apart and Rie glanced back up to the house, seeing Talis enviously gazing back down at them.
You put on quite a show, really had me going
Now it’s time to go, curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show, very entertaining
A satisfied smile took over Rie’s face, and she turned Justin around, resting her chin atop his shoulder so that he could get a good look at Talis’s face as well. Hopefully, for the last time.
She kissed the back of his neck before whispering, “Now let it go.”
But it’s over now
Go on and take a bow
>>>>>>>>>>
It’s the night of Christmas Eve and I’m at Ryan’s gorgeous house in the Hills, helping him decorate his Christmas tree. His kids are coming over tomorrow afternoon, and he wants everything to be perfect for them, which I find absolutely adorable.
“I love Christmas so much,” I remark, unwrapping a package of silver bells. “This time of year, even in LA, is so… perfect.”
He smiles in reply, taking several of the ornaments from me. “Do you have a favorite Christmas?”
“Oh gosh, that’s so hard to say,” I shake my head. “I dunno. Probably the year I went to Memphis with Justin, back in, like… 2003, I guess? His family is just the greatest and sweetest bunch of people you’ll ever meet.”
He smiles at me thoughtfully. “And how did you two become friends?”
“Me and Justin?” I grin “ though the thought of him shouldn’t make me smile right now. I’m still a little pissed at him for what he said the other night. Regardless, I answer Ryan’s question with a happy face. “Well…we met when he first moved out here, back in 2002. We were both pretty good friends with Beverly Mitchell “ I used to work with her on 7th Heaven--.”
“I remember her,” Ryan nods. “Short, blonde, full cheeks, right?”
“Yeah,” I smile, just before I begin wrapping a string of white lights around the bottom of the tree. “Well, she introduced us at this charity thing, we hit it off, and we attempted a few dates. I thought he was a great guy, but at the time, he was just out of a really bad breakup with Britney Spears, and I just wasn’t in the broken business, so…” I chuckle, “we said we would just be friends.”
“See, everyone I know is under the strict belief that men and women can’t have close platonic friendships,” he laughs, making his way to the side of the tree opposite me.
“I know! And no one’s more surprised than me that it’s actually worked out the way we said, but, he’s just… he’s the best friend I ever had.”
“And you introduced him to Talis, right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “Truth be told, the day I met him, I knew he’d be perfect for her. But then, since we got along so well, I thought maybe we’d be onto something…” I continue pulling the lights until I look up and realize that Ryan’s staring down at me. “What’s wrong/”
“Nothing,” he chuckles lightly, and offers me a hand. “Pass me those other bells by your foot?”
I happily oblige and resume my task while he does the same. “At any rate,” I continue, “I really hope you guys end up getting along. It’ll mean a lot to me.”
“Why wouldn’t we get along?” he wonders, still moving back and forth behind me. “He seems like a good guy.”
“Well, no reason, really. Justin just tends to be very opinionated about the guys I get involved with, and it usually ends up getting weird.”
“Hmm. He doesn’t seem like the judgmental type to me,” he replies contemplatively. “Pretty unassuming, actually.”
“Trust me, he has an opinion on everything,” I laugh. “We argue so much, it’s sad.”
We stay silent for a while, continuing our decorating. I start layering the bottom tiers of the tree with white bows and he moves towards the top half with the silver bells. Even though I won’t be here with him with his kids, it really makes me feel like a part of his family life to be here now, knowing that I helped put a smile on their little faces. I don’t care what Justin says “ this relationship is meaningful, and I do like him. And the smile on my face right now is uncontainable, so fuck him.
Thankfully, my rampant thoughts are eventually interrupted by Ryan asking, “So do you ever regret that you introduced him to Talis?”
“Ummm. Sometimes, yeah,” I decide. “At first, I thought I’d done them some amazing favor, but every now and then, when the pieces fell apart and we weren’t sure we could put them back together, I thought they would blame me. But they always worked out it,” I recall. “But after this whole wedding fiasco, I don’t know what I think anymore.”
He nods, kneeling on the floor next to me. “I kind of get the feeling you’re really invested in their relationship.”
“Well… yeah. Kind of,” I admit. “Like I said, they were together because of me, and I just felt a little responsible for their well-being, in some ways.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yeah? What else would it be?”
“So… it wasn’t because Talis was the closest you’d ever get to being in a relationship with Justin yourself?” he asks softly… cautiously.
“What?” I laugh nervously. “Why would you--.”
“I know it sounds horrible,” he says. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. But I mean, you just seem to have a slight preoccupation with…” It appears that he notices the discomfort in my expression and abruptly ends his sentence, looking down. “I’m sorry. I sound like an asshole,” he chuckles. “I just want to know where your head is, I guess.”
“Have I done something to show that it’s not with you?”
“Well frankly, yeah,” he laughs again. “Whenever they call, whenever either one of them needs something, you’re, literally, right there. And while I think you’re an amazing woman for being that kind of friend, it just makes me question your priorities a little…”
I nod slowly and stare at the top of his lowered head. “Ryan,” I say quietly, waiting for him to look up at me. When he does, I look straight into his boyish blue eyes. “You got me completely, all right?”
“Jess, you can say the words, and even act them out on cue,” he says, “but I’ve gotta feel like you mean it. And right now…”
“Ry, listen to me,” I direct. “I wouldn’t be here with you if you didn’t make me happy, okay? I’ll admit, I can be a little distracted when it comes to Justin and Talis, because they’re my best friends, but trust me. I’m with you.” I lean in and give him a soft kiss on his small, pouty lips. “Okay?”
He nods understandingly. “I know you have a life outside of me, Jess, and that’s the way it should be. I just need to make sure you’ve got enough room for me.”
“I do,” I confirm. “I have room for you, and Ava, and Deacon, and this big ass tree, and your car that’s identical to mine,” I smile, “and Frank Sinatra” “ his pit-bull is named Frank Sinatra, by the way, “and your ex-wife, wherever she may fit in, and your career, and… your gym obsession, and your weird affinity for hats and wearing them crookedly, and… your snowboarding, and your need to watch Everybody Loves Raymond every single day… I could go on.”
“I got it,” he smiles animatedly. He plops another quick kiss on my lips before standing up again. “What do you wanna eat tonight?”
“How about some Chinese?” I suggest. “There’s this really great place on Wilshire.”
“Chinese on Wilshire?” he smirks. “I don’t think so.”
“No, trust me. They have this amazing Singapore-style Mei Fun!”
“All right, all right,” he relents, playfully narrowing his eyes at me. “You haven’t steered me wrong yet.”
“Are you ready to eat now, or…?”
“Well, it’s after seven; we should probably go before they close, right?”
I nod, rising from my spot on the floor just as my phone begins playing Jingle Bell Rock across the room. “Hold that thought,” I say, darting towards my purse on the couch. I see that it’s Talis and answer quickly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she says softly. “You busy?”
“A little,” I reply, nodding again. “Do you need something?” She sighs loudly, and I can immediately tell that something is off. “Talis, what’s wrong?”
“Justin…”
“What did Justin do?” I notice that Ryan has his cap on, ready to leave, and I don’t want to hold him up any longer. “Ry, you can wait for me in the car; I’ll be right out.” He stands there silently for a minute, and I can’t really see his expression under his hat, but heads outside just a moment later. “Talis?”
“I’m here,” she exhales again.
“What did Justin do?”
“He kicked me out of the house.”
“What?” I exclaim. “What happened?”
“It was just… not good. He came over to the house with that new girl, Rie, and they were packing for some trip--.”
“Another one?”
“Yeah… I don’t know where they’re going, but they seemed to be in a rush.”
“Hmm.”
“Anyway, he told me to be gone by tonight, so I just got my stuff and packed the car, and now, I’m kinda just driving in circles,” she confesses. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“T, I’m so sorry,” I tell her softly. “But I told you to tell him sooner.”
“I know. I went about all this so stupidly, but… I didn’t think he’d kick me out on Christmas.” She attempts a laugh, but it sounds more like a whimper.
I make a sad face, though she can’t see it, and shake my head. “I’m sorry, girl.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but… it still sucks.”
“Can I stay with you?” she requests softly.
“You know you don’t have to ask,” I grant. “I won’t be home until later, and you know I’m leaving tomorrow, but my house is yours.”
There’s a long pause, where all I hear is the sound of the road in the background. “What are you doing now?”
“I’m on my way out with Ryan.”
“Oh… So you can’t meet me at your house?”
“Don’t you still have a key?”
“Well yeah, but… I don’t “ I can’t be alone right now, Jess.”
I stare at the mostly-finished Christmas tree in front of me, and then towards the back door of Ryan’s house “ the door I should be walking out of right now. “Talis, I have plans right now.”
“Jess.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I maintain, walking towards the door. “I’ll be home later tonight, but I’m with Ryan right now.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I make it to the driveway and securely into Ryan’s black Lexus before telling her, “I’ll call you later, all right?”
“Jess--.”
“Bye, Talis.” With a heavy heart, because I hate when I have to be firm with her, I hang up on my friend and turn to Ryan. “You ready?”
But you put on quite a show, really had me going
Now it’s time to go, curtain’s finally closing
“Is everything all right?” He appears a bit surprised.
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure?” he presses. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, just more Justin drama,” I try to smile. “Nothing I need to worry about.”
That was quite a show, very entertaining
“Jess, are you sure?”
“Yes,” I drawl. “Like I told you before, you got me, dude.”
“Jess.”
“Let’s go,” I insist.
With that, he starts the car, and we’re off.
But it’s over now
Go on and take a bow
Lyrics: “Take A Bow” “ Rihanna (Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded)
13 >> Claustrophobia
The year of 2008 was quickly coming to a close, and thanks to Rie, Justin was about to end his year on a good note. They had spent the entire week in New York, getting along and getting it on in the best ways possible. With just a few hours left before the New Year, Rie and Justin were headed to his uptown restaurant to have a nice, normal dinner at Justin’s famed hangout, Southern Hospitality.
“Just so you know, I’ve never been here, so you have to order all the good shit for me,” Rie was telling him as his security team escorted them to their destination.
“Gladly,” he granted, nodding his head. “And just so you know, I haven’t been on a date with someone new in a really long time. So even if I fuck this up, you have to pretend I’m still the coolest dude you know.”
“I doubt I’ll have to pretend,” she smiled.
“Aww, shucks.” He bashfully batted his eyelashes at her compliment and rested his head over the top of hers, contemplatively staring at the seat ahead of him. “How was your year?”
She inhaled audibly. “It was… all right,” she exhaled. “It started off tame, became a little turbulent, but it’s ending on a high note.”
“Same here,” he realized, half smiling and half biting his lip in a childlike manner. “I’m really glad I met you.”
“I need to be drunk when you say things like that, or I’ll start crying.”
No need to translate
‘Cause my eyes give me away
“You’re an idiot, you know.”
“Fully aware.” Closing her eyes, she got lost in his scent of Givenchy Play, enjoying their ride through the city. She still couldn’t believe that her life was quickly turning into this fairytale, where a prince charming was whisking her off for an impromptu trip to a faraway land. It just didn’t make sense to her. But she loved it. “Seriously though, I’m really glad I met you, too.”
“Chyeah you are,” he scoffed. “What was that you said last night? Best fuck of your life?”
“Justin fucking Timberlake!” she shouted, causing Eric, Justin’s bodyguard, to laugh out loud. “Eric, you did not hear that!”
“I didn’t hear nothin’,” he chuckled jovially.
“See, I knew I didn’t trust you.”
Should be so easy, but my head gets in the way
All the things that I wanna tell you
“That doesn’t change the facts, though, Rie. You still said I was the best f--.”
“Say it again and I’m pushing you out of the car,” she joked.
“Oh, you’re gonna push me out of the car when we’re right in front of the restaurant? He chided. “Really?”
They had, in fact, pulled up to the corner of Second and 76th, where Justin’s pride and joy resided. The small restaurant was already buzzing with excitement, lighting up the entire block. There were even small groups of people huddled outside, nursing beers and smoking cigarettes as if it weren’t 31 degrees outside.
As Eric motioned to open the car door, Justin innately took Rie’s gloved hand into his, gently guiding her onto the sidewalk with him. She smiled nervously at the observers, whose cell phones immediately went into picture mode as she and Justin made their way inside. She duly noted that, despite their voyeuristic tendencies, he was polite enough to greet them all with smiles and a sincere, “Happy New Year, you guys.”
You’re the most perfect yet
Most definitely that I’ve met
And I wonder if you know that’s how I feel about you
“You’re really into that Southern hospitality thing, huh?” she whispered to him once they were inside.
He smiled at her lips being so close to his face and nodded. “I do what I can.”
“Justin!” the hostess, Manda, greeted him, rather stunned. “Umm, I’m so sorry. We don’t have a table…” she sputtered. “We had no idea you were coming in tonight.”
“It’s fine,” he chuckled. “I didn’t tell anyone I was coming over. We can just wait at the bar.”
“Are you sure?” she winced. “We can get someone to clear out the back.”
“It’s fine. Let the people enjoy their food.”
“Really?”
“We’re good,” he insisted. “We’re gonna hang out at the bar, just give us the next available, all right?”
“Will do,” she nodded in compliance. “Right away, Justin.”
Rie couldn’t help but laugh at the poor girl. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have you as a boss,” she smirked, following him to the crowded bar area. She suddenly became very aware that every eye in the room had landed on the two of them.
“I’m firm, but I’m fair,” he laughed, offering her the one empty seat left in the room. “You want a beer?”
“I’ll have whatever you have.”
The cute raven-haired bartender was standing in front of Justin the moment she noticed him. “Justin,” she smiled flirtatiously. “Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
“I prefer it when people don’t see me coming,” he told her with a grin. “Lemme get two Buds, Kal.”
“My pleasure.”
“Matter fact,” he called her back, “let’s do drinks all around.”
“For the whole place?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed enthusiastically. “Who else is workin’ tonight with you?”
“Rose is here now, Marnie comes in in like five minutes,” Kaleena revealed. “Should we wait?”
“Right around ten, ten-fifteen is good,” he nodded. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
And I hope you know that I have so much love for you
Do with it what you will
Rie, who’d been watching his exchange, was still smiling. His whole persona was rather mesmerizing at times. “You need to stop being so damn awesome,” she told him. “You’re setting a precedent that no one else in the world can ever follow.”
“That’s what I’m going for, babe.” The bartender sat their ice cold Budweisers in front of him, and he passed one to her as he continued. “If you ever leave me, you know you’re automatically returning to the real world having to settle for less.”
And I have nothing more to prove
Say to me what you will
She stared at him as she took a sip of her beer. She knew he was joking, but she wondered if he knew how ironically true that was. “So you’re pretty familiar with everyone that works here?”
“Yeah, we have a great group of guys and girls here. And I try to come by, like, once a month, at least, just to keep an eye on them.”
“I like that you’re very hands on,” she noted, resisting the urge to chuckle at her double entendre. “Is there anything you’re bad at?”
“So many things,” he rolled his eyes.
“Name one.”
“I’m completely horrible at… ummm “ I suck at parallel parking.”
“Lame!” she shouted. “Everyone is bad at that.”
“You didn’t say there were provisions,” he laughed. “Shit.”
“Something plausible, dude.” She took another swig from her drink, noticing that the group seated directly behind Justin were completely engrossed in her conversation with him. She was tempted to say something, but she didn’t want to act stupid when she was a guest of his.
“What’s wrong?” he asked her, seeing her frozen expression.
“Nothing,” she shook out of her fixation. “What was I saying?”
“I think you were gonna tell me why you insist on being so fantastic.”
“Right!” she quickly recalled. “You were gonna tell me what you were bad at.”
“All right, so I can’t think of something right on the spot,” he admitted, “but I guarantee you, I’m bad at something.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it, homie.”
“You know what he’s really good at?” the bartender had returned to their conversation.
“Besides everything?” Rie laughed. “What?”
“We have a beer pong table in the back,” she began to let her in on the secret, “and he kills everybody.”
“That’s not true,” he smiled shyly.
“It’s so true.”
“I can’t beat Trace,” he divulges. “He’s had a lot more time to practice than I have.”
Rie was already smiling widely at the thought. “Let’s play a couple of rounds.”
“You want to?”
“Yeah,” she shrugged, standing from her barstool. She straightened her turquoise top over her dark skinny jeans, and followed his lead to the beer pong table, taking her beer with her. The fact that the other patrons were crowding around watching made her more self-conscious than it should have, but she was trying to get into it, regardless.
‘Cause I have so much love for you
Do with it what you will
“I thought of one thing I’m bad at,” Justin began to announce loudly.
“What’s that?” she grinned.
“Letting people win,” he smiled back, beginning to pull the ping pong balls from beneath the table. “So you better be good.”
And I have nothing more to prove
Say to me what you will
Say, say it again
>>>>>>>>>>
After three rowdy games of beirut, where Rie gave Justin quite a run for his money, they decided to team up and play against the other customers. Four games and a new year later, Rie and Justin were considerably plastered.
Nearing the end of their last game, Justin watched Rie lean over the table resting her elbows at the edge of it, which was part of her beer pong technique. He licked his lips at the sight of her ass protruding back towards him as she took her shot, sinking her white ball into one of four red cups.
Not enough lovers in life to go around
But there’s you and there’s me if we don’t start it out
“You are so fucking hot right now,” he announced loudly as onlookers cheered for them.
“Dude, you are!” she beamed.
“Nope, you are!”
“No, you are!”
“Okay,” he relented, “I am. You’re right behind me, though.”
“Watch this,” she pointed to the couple across from them, “dude is so gonna miss this. You guys are horrible!”
The guy in the couple shot her a bird and a smile before attempting to sink his ping pong ball into any of Rie and Justin’s seven cups. He raised his arms triumphantly when it went sailing into one of the middle cups. “Succckkkk it!” he shouted.
“You suck it for eternity!” she retorted loudly, chugging half of the half-cup of beer.
Justin retrieved the beer-covered ball from their cup and held it up for everyone to see. “All right, a hundred bucks to whoever licks my ball.”
“I’ve been doing that all week and I didn’t get a hundred dollars,” Rie realized, placing a hand on her hip. “What’s that about?”
“That’s because everything you do is priceless,” he grinned goofily.
Not hard to let go enough to let me in
If it’s meant to be, it can only be good
“You’re such a charmer.”
“You make it easy, you know.”
You’re the most perfect fit
Most definitely that I’ve met
And I just hope you feel the same way too
They finished off their game with five cups left and finally retired for the night, getting to sit at an actual table for the first time since they came in. They were sat in the back section of the restaurant, and although there were several people around them, they finally felt like they had gotten a moment to themselves.
By the time they were done, the kitchen had closed and they had to have a couple of the waitresses bring over pizza from the pizzeria across the street, just so they could eat. Even so, their night was immensely fun “ especially for Justin, who got to spend quality time with, not only Rie, but several of his fans. They enjoyed themselves so much that they kept the restaurant open an extra hour. Yes, it was 5:00 a.m. when they were finally leaving Southern Hospitality.
“You ready?” Rie asked, imitating the voice in SexyBack as she pulled her scarf into place.
“Yeah, Eric is outside,” he nodded. He came over to her side of the table, offering his arm for her to grab onto. “Shall we?”
With Justin’s trilby perched atop her head, she wrapped her fingers around his arm and they moved towards the front of the restaurant. Before they made it outside, she could see the flashes of light hitting the sidewalk and she innately gripped him tighter. “What the fuck is that?” she pointed outside.
“Just ignore it,” he assured her. “We’ll be at the car in just a minute.”
When they stepped outside, she was instantly blinded by it all and her first instinct was to hide behind Justin. He protectively locked his arm around her neck and covered her face with his hand, guiding her to the car while the paparazzi catcalled out to the two of them. Most of them shouted their horrible things, as usual, and Justin, in his inebriated state, wanted nothing more than to tell them to go die in a fire, but he kept his cool.
“Happy New Year, guys,” he proclaimed once again, just as they entered the back of the car.
And with Rie by his side, it was certainly shaping up to be one.
‘Cause I have so much love for you
Do with it what you will
>>>>>>>>>>
“My friend just told me she heard about our night out the other night,” Rie announced, looking up from her white MacBook. “I didn’t even tell anyone I was going to New York!”
Justin, who was reading his own emails on his own black MacBook Pro, looked up to her with a blank expression. “Okay?”
“Dude, is that not weird to you?”
He shrugged and gazed towards the extra large window of their suite. “I guess I’ve become immune to it,” he chuckled. “My friends usually know where I am before I do.”
“Jesus.”
“I know, right? It’s a little weird, I know, but it’s the world we live in.”
“It’s the world you live in,” she corrected him. She glanced over to his side of the couch, watching him get lost in his computer, once again. He looked so at ease, his long legs perched atop the coffee table, slouched in his corner of the sofa with one of her blankets covering him, laughing at whatever he was reading. She was in an identical position, but so much less relaxed. “I don’t know how you do it,” she marveled.
He looked at her again, confusion plastered over his face. “Do what?”
“Your life! I mean, I know you told me about it before, but I mean, how do you not feel self-conscious when people are always gaping at you, always talking about you, always a cell phone raised, trying to take your picture.” She shook her head as she leaned forward to take a sip from her coffee mug. “You’re fucking amazing.”
“Trust me, I’m not,” he smiled bashfully. “Like I said, I’m just immune to it.”
“Trust me, to be immune to that kind of life is amazing.”
“I digress,” he sighed. “What do you wanna do today?”
“Well, since we didn’t leave our room at all yesterday, I was thinking maybe we could go to MoMA and take in some culture.”
He made a face and closed his Mac. “Really?”
“Yes, really!”
“Is it even open today?”
“Well, last time I checked, the second day in January isn’t a holiday,” she laughed. “And I know they have this whole exhibit on musicians that I think you’d really dig.”
And that automatically got Justin’s attention. Where music was concerned, he was all for it. “All right, we can do that,” he decided. “We can get dressed, go over there, and then stop somewhere for lunch?”
She nodded, already hopping up from the couch. “Your phone’s vibrating.”
“It’s probably Trace,” he commented, watching Rie disappear into the bedroom. He retrieved his BlackBerry from the end table and began scrolling through his messages, finding two from Jessica. “Shit,” he whispered.
Rie strolled back into the room with her hair in a sloppy ponytail, face wash plastered across her face, and her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. “What’s shit?”
“Jess is in town; she’s stopping by.”
“Why is that shit?”
“It’s not a bad ‘shit,’” he laughs, “but more of an unexpected ‘shit.’”
“What’s she doing in New York, anyway? I thought she was going home or something?”
“She’s probably coming to do some campaigning for Talis or some shit,” he shook his head. “We’ll still go to the museum, though, don’t worry.”
“Oh, I’m not,” Rie grinned. “Besides, it’ll be good to see Jess again.”
>>>>>>>>>>
I walk into Justin’s Le Parker Meridien suite and see that Rie is sitting at the dining room table with his computer and pen and paper beside it. She smiles brightly when she sees me. “Hey, you!” She quickly gets up to give me a hug.
“Hey,” I send back, returning the hug. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” she nods. “Happy New Year!”
Justin follows into the room behind me and takes a seat. “Jess, when did you get in?”
“This morning,” I answer, taking a seat. I drop my purse to the table and take off my coat as I say, “I just thought, since Ryan is with the kids, that this was a good opportunity to square things away between us.”
Justin gazes at Rie as she goes back to whatever she was doing. “Why do things need squaring with us?” he questions obliviously.
“Well, we got into that fight a few days before Christmas…”
Frowning, he glances at me. “Are we still mad about that?”
“Well… no. But like, since we didn’t talk on Christmas or New Year’s, I thought maybe…”
“Oh,” he scoffs. “No, I’ve just been a little busy.”
“I see.”
“Rie, did you find that song?” he switches subjects suddenly.
“Don’t rush me,” she retorts with a grin. “iTunes is being ridiculous right now.”
“What are you looking for,” I inquire.
“This song called, ‘Slow Songs Get Me Laid’,” she replies. “Justin said he’s never heard it before and I swore to him that he needs to.”
“What? There’s a song that exists that he’s never heard of?” I didn’t know that was possible.
“I know, right?”
“There are millions of songs I’ve never heard of,” he inserts, balling up a random piece of paper. “So shut up.”
“Yeah, but not any that normal people have never heard,” I chide.
“Rie is normal and there’s tons of shit she comes up with that I’ve never heard.”
“’Scuse you,” Rie corrects him. “I am far from normal, homie. And your internet connection is kinda whack today.”
“Did you just say, ‘whack?’” he smiles.
“I did,” she giggles in reply. “And I’ll say it again if you’re not careful.”
As she goes back to searching Justin’s computer, I watch him throw his wad of paper straight to Rie, hitting her in the face. “Bam! Straight in the fo’head,” he announces loudly, his arms raised in triumph.
She pauses and looks up to him with a dropped jaw. “You know that’s your ass, right?”
“I’m just getting you back for that one this morning. That shit hit my nose.”
“Well… You know that thing isn’t hard to miss,” she jokes.
I let out a quick chuckle. “Is this, like, an ongoing thing?”
“Yeah, we’re twelve,” Rie confirms.
“All we did on our flight out here was have paper fights,” Justin adds.
“Fun,” I smirk.
“Hey, how was your Christmas?” he remembers to ask me, retiring from his paper fight. “You went home, right?”
“We went back to Colorado,” I nod.
Rie lets a snort escape her nose and we both look at her curiously. “I’m sorry,” she laughs. “I’m so sorry. I just started singing this song in my head when you said that, and it was just so lame.”
“Were you thinking the same thing I was thinking?” Justin asks, grinning. “I’m going going, back back--.”
“To Coli, Coli,” they sing simultaneously, bursting into laughter.
“I don’t get it,” I laugh uneasily.
“You wouldn’t get it,” Justin tells me. “It’s just an old ass Biggie song.”
“I know Biggie songs,” I counter defensively.
“Well, apparently not that one,” he laughs again, which is starting to annoy me.
“I’m sorry, Jess, I didn’t mean to interrupt with my lameness,” Rie sobers up. “Go ahead.”
“There’s not much else,” I shrug. “We went back to ‘Coli’ and I got to see a bunch of friends that I grew up with, so that was really nifty. And then we did a lot of snowboarding, skiing, did some ice skating,” I ramble. “Oh, and Justin, I don’t know if you remember Jenn?”
“I remember her. She’s the radio DJ, right?”
“Yeah,” I confirm. “She remembered that you wanted to go white water rafting, so she invited us to come out in May.”
“Oh, cool,” he nods, finally looking me in the eye. “I’m down.”
“Super.”
“Rie, you wanna come?” he directs to her.
She looks up from the computer with a deer-in-headlights look. “I’m sorry?”
“We’re going white water rafting this spring. Shall I sign you up?”
“Oohh, no thank you,” she quickly declines. “Black people don’t white water raft.”
He laughs heartily and shakes his head. “You told me black people didn’t skydive either.”
“Well, you tricked me into that one. But I will not be fucking up my hair for you anymore, thank you.”
“You’re gonna do it,” he decides for her, looking back to me. “She’s gonna do it.”
“I am not! Fuck you very much.” She begins to ball up a piece of paper, but before she can launch it, Justin hits her with one of his own paper bombs, right between her eyes.
“Oh shit!” he cackles. “Two in a row!”
“You… are stupid,” she states, feigning seriousness. “And when is your funky ass gonna take a shower?”
“Are you guys going out?”
“We’re going to the Museum of Modern Art,” he replies, putting on one of his many British accents. “Would you like to join us, love?”
“I’m good,” I decline. “I’m meeting some friends for lunch.”
“Are you sure?” he presses, going into his signature sing-song voice. “It’s gonna be lots of funnn.”
“Is there something going on there, or…?”
“Just a music exhibit,” Rie answers for him. “Nothing big.”
“Who are you going out with?” he asks me. “Anyone I know?”
“Nope,” I grin. “They’re friends of Ryan’s really, but I wanted to meet up with them, so…”
“Awww. You’re really trying to make this one work, huh?”
“Well… yeah,” I frown offhandedly. “There’s nothing holding me back.”
“I’m just surprised because you’ve never put this much effort into any other guy. It’s cute,” he laughs condescendingly. “I’m proud of you.”
“Why don’t you shut up and go take a shower.”
“Damn, no need to get all irate.”
“Jus, seriously,” Rie interjects. “You need to get ready; it’s almost noon.”
“All right, all right,” he relents, rising from the table. “Did you find the song yet?”
“I told you the internet was down. Be gone!”
“I’m leavin’. Damn.” He hurries into the bedroom of the suite, shutting the door behind him. Very soon thereafter, the sound of a shower thankfully fills the awkward quiet of the room.
I look over to Rie, who’s still engaged in Justin’s Mac. I wait about a minute before asking her, “So, are you enjoying your trip?”
She looks over to me and smiles a wide smile. “Yeah, it’s been fantastic.”
“What have you guys been up to?”
“Umm… Not a lot,” she shrugs. “We got here Christmas morning, we spent most of the day just enjoying the city, and then a quiet little dinner here in the room. We did some shopping the next day “ mostly shoe-shopping,” she chuckles.
“I bet he brought you a lot of stuff, huh.”
“Well no, I bought my shit, he bought his,” she retorts, “but it was, like, a ridiculous amount of shoes.”
“Neat.”
“Anyway, besides that, we’ve just done a couple of Broadway shows, a couple of movies, a shit ton of amazing restaurants. Oh! And we went to Southern Hospitality the other night and played beer pong with a bunch of people there, which was stupid fun,” she describes animatedly.
“Oh yeah, that was New Year’s Eve, right? I saw that.”
“Oh, right. Yeah,” she looks down. “I forgot everything he does makes headlines.”
“It’s a little annoying, I know. But it’s not his fault.”
“No, I know,” she shakes her head, closing the laptop. “Of all the shit we go through in life, a few pictures are nothing, right?”
“Well yeah, in theory, I guess. But a lot of people take their anonymity for granted. To walk down the street and not be… recognized is just “ it doesn’t happen to people like Justin. Or anyone he’s associated with.”
Her eyes shift from me back down to the floor between us. “I know it’s not easy, Jess. You don’t have to try and scare me.”
“I’m not,” I immediately refute. “I have no reason to scare you.”
“Listen, I know that Justin Timberlake comes with baggage; I’d be an idiot to think otherwise. But we’ve talked about it, and we both know that anytime I start to feel claustrophobic, I can go on my way.”
“So you just up and leave if he gets too close for comfort?”
“No, it’s not about him,” she looks back up to me, frowning. “I lo”I like Justin a lot, so I’m casting my fears aside to do this with him. But at the same time, I’m still learning not to feel claustrophobic inside myself, so this… relationship, or whatever, is new for me, and I’m doing my best with that. But I’m simply not equipped to have a relationship with his adoring public, as well. So yes, if I become overwhelmed, I just ‘up and leave.’ That’s what we agreed to.”
“I can’t imagine Justin is really okay with that,” I scoff.
“It is unreal to me how much you baby him,” she shoots back. “He doesn’t need another mother, you know.”
“Well he needs someone that can take care of him.”
“No, he doesn’t! He’s quite capable of doing that himself.”
“Well, he certainly doesn’t need someone else to engage in paper fights with,” I reply coldly. “What is your purpose anyway?”
Se stares at me a little while longer, and even though her eyes could melt ice right about now, I answer her with a matching stare. Finally she says, “Listen, Jess. You’re the one who invited me into your life. You cannot be mad that I accepted the invitation.”
“I’m not mad,” I sigh heavily. “Jus has a million friends, and I’m glad that I’m even one of them, so I’m not trying to keep you away from him or anything. I just…”
“You just wanted him with Talis, right?”
“No,” I grimace. Even though that may be slightly true.
“Oh come on, that’s who he was supposed to end up with, right? The skinny, pretty one, yes?”
“Rie, stop it,” I say softly. “That’s not fair.”
“You never ever imagined that when you introduced me to him, that he’d actually give me a second glance, right? Plain little production assistant, Rie “ what the fuck, right?”
“Come on, Rie, you’re anything but plain,” I proclaim sincerely. “You’re fucking gorgeous and you know it.”
“You come on, Jessica.” The water coming from Justin’s shower is no longer running, so Rie lowers her voice. “You have to admit that you’re surprised I’m actually a threat to picture perfect Talis.”
“You’re gorgeous,” I repeat, “and you’re a great person. So no, I’m not surprised. Especially since I’m the plain one,” I reoffer somberly. “The eternal friend; the one he never pays attention to...”
Rie’s chestnut eyes relay a hint of shock when they land back on me.
I immediately notice her expression and stop talking. “What?”
“Okay, I’m really sorry if this is out of line to even imply, but… Jess, are you in love with him?”
“What?” I exclaim. “Are you crazy?”
“Jess, come on.”
“No,” I deny emphatically. “He’s my friend, and that’s all he ever has been or will be.”
“I swear I won’t say anything to Justin, but… come on,” she says again.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Avoiding her accusatory gaze, I hop up and make my way over to the couch. “So do you know when you guys are heading back to LA?”
“Dude.”
“Rie, I’d really appreciate it if you’d drop it.”
“Are you gonna admit to it?” she demands, frowning back at me.
“No,” I laugh shakily. “He’s my best friend and I love him like a brother, but I’m not in love with him. He’s been dating one of my other best friends for ages.”
“And it’s over now…”
“And I am still friends with them,” I add. “Jesus, you sound like those people on O.M.G.D. or whatever.”
“Well those people on O.N.T.D. seem to get it right more often than not!”
“Trust me, all rumors.”
“A rumor that doesn’t die usually isn’t a rumor,” she retorts.
“Well, this is one,” I answer sternly. “Now please, just drop it.”
She holds her hands up in surrender, giving me a small smirk. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Justin your dirty little secret,” she promises. “But just because you deny it doesn’t make it any less”.” Her sentence trails into silence as Justin enters the room, fully dressed in jeans, sweater, and scarf.
“It is hot as hell in there,” he comments, completely oblivious to our conversation. Once he notices our uncomfortable expressions, he begins to caustically glance back and forth between us. “What’s wrong?”
Rie peers at me before smiling back at Justin. “Nothing. Just a little disagreement.”
“Why does Jess look like she wants to kick your ass?” he chuckles.
“She probably does,” Rie admits. “But only ‘cause she knows that I’m right.”
Lyrics: “Say It Again” “ Natasha Bedingfield (N.B.)
Uncomfortable Silence Can Be So Loud by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Hello, all! I'm sorry for the lack of updating. I thought I'd wait out all the drama and moving stuff, and then I'm going out of town, so I wanted to leave you with the newest newness possible!
And I keep forgetting to post the cast pictures, so I'm gonna go ahead and post a few more for you guys!
Justin: http://i37.tinypic.com/161hijm.jpg
Jess & Ryan: http://i37.tinypic.com/xfqbs1.jpg
Justin & Rie: http://i34.tinypic.com/2zhqh77.jpg
Rie: http://i36.tinypic.com/2a5wsxs.jpg
Again, thanks so much for reading. Happy Labor Day! :love -Ash
14 >> Uncomfortable Silence Can Be So Loud
“All I know is, if there’s danger, Rie is not the one to depend on,” Justin was jovially telling the rest of their table. He and Rie had gotten stuck in an elevator a few hours before, and he was still laughing at the whole ordeal. “This girl,” he pointed to her, “hyperventilating and shit. It was bad.”
“It was,” she agreed, smiling shyly. “I seriously felt like the walls were closing in on us.”
“Justin, you didn’t try to calm her down?” his friend, Eytan, laughed.
“That’s the thing, though, I did! But she was so dramatic.” He couldn’t contain his laughter as he explained, “She was freaking out; I think she fainted for a minute.”
“I thought I was gonna faint!” she defended as the rest of the table burst into cackles as well. “You guys don’t understand!”
Nanci, another of Justin’s several friends, who was sitting directly across from Rie, asked her, “You have claustrophobia?”
“A little bit,” Rie whined. “I really thought I was gonna die for a minute, and this fool was laughing at me!”
“I was laughing with you, I swear,” he countered, sobering up.
“Dude, I wasn’t laughing!”
“Yeah, but you wanted to.” He sat back in their corner of the booth, stretching his arm behind her so that it was resting on her shoulder. “Jess, why are you so quiet?” he noted.
Jess, who was seated between Nanci and their friend Huch, looked up from her beer. “Just tired, I guess,” she shrugged. She glanced over to Rie, seeing that she was staring her down, so she tried to switch subjects. “So what are everyone’s New Year’s resolutions?”
There was a short discussion amongst everyone at the table until Justin announced, “Well, I made my resolution a little bit early, and some of it was kind of personal, but I think the biggest lesson I’m learning is that no one is perfect and I need to stop holding people to the unrealistic standards I set for them.”
Rie looked up to her companion, holding onto his hand that was perched just below her shoulder. Nodding, she said, “You definitely need that one.”
Jess discreetly rolled her eyes and decided to proclaim her resolution. “Mine is to stop worrying so much about other people’s needs and to start focusing on my own.”
“Ooh,” Justin chimed in, “yeah, I’ve been telling you to do that one for years now.”
“Well all have,” Huch appended, beginning to clap. “Good for you, Jess.”
The rest of the table joined in with a round of applause as Jess waved them off. “Now let’s see if I actually do it.”
“All right, so who else has one?”
“I do,” Rie piped up, clearing her throat. “Like Justin said, we made ours a little bit early, but one of mine was to let go of my fear of commitment, so… I’m--.”
“Excuse me,” Jessica abruptly rose from the table, cutting off Rie’s sentence. Everyone watched Jess stand up and head out of the vicinity of their table, and then glanced between one another curiously.
“Is she okay?” Eytan asked Justin, figuring he’d be the only one to really know.
“I don’t know,” he frowned.
“You should go talk to her,” Rie encouraged.
He nodded in agreement and shot up from the table as well, following Jessica’s path away from the table. The restaurant seemed to turn an eerie quiet as he made his way towards the front, all eyes on him, yet again. He hesitantly opened the door to the cold January day, where Jess stood just to the left of the entrance, glaring towards the street. “What are you doing?” he questioned her softly.
Her head shot in the direction of his voice and her face relaxed at the sight of him. “I just needed some air.”
“Jess, it’s freezing out here,” he grimaced. “What’s really going on?”
“Why don’t you stop acting like you don’t know, Jus.”
“I assure you, I’m not acting. Why’d you walk out like that?”
“Well I just told you, I needed some air.”
“Okay, you have your air,” he rebutted. “Can we stop with all the antisocial overemotional bullshit and go back inside?” He attempted a chuckle, but she appeared to be set in her frigid state. “Duuuude, come on.”
“Why do you care that I’m out here? Rie is in there; go… deal with her.”
He sighed heavily, clearly frustrated, and stared down at his friend. “Why don’t you like her?”
“I like her just fine.”
“You’re a fucking liar, you know.”
“I’m all right with that,” she nodded.
“I don’t understand this,” he breathed, watching the puffs of warmth mix with the cold air. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you to go back in there to your girlfriend and your buddies and have a good time and stop worrying about me.”
“So you’re not one of my buddies anymore?” he softened a bit. “You’re breakin’ my heart here, man.”
“I can keep going.”
“Spare me,” he surrendered. “I’m gonna go ahead back inside because it’s cold as shit, but… I hope that whatever it is, you’ll trust me with it sooner than later.”
Jessica stared at him briefly, concentrated on his eyes, wondering what he’d say if he knew her secret. But she knew that she couldn’t afford to find out, so she quickly let the notion float away as she closed her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Whatever it is you were just thinking,” he began to say, “just…”
“Go back inside, Justin.”
He stubbornly obliged, heading back for the door of Cola’s. But the moment his fingers grazed the handle, he turned back to his friend. “Can I ask you a question?”
She was back to gazing obliviously into the street ahead of them. “What.”
“Remember the day of the wedding, we were up in the room at the Malibu house and you were pinning my rose to my jacket?”
“Yeah?” she looks over to him.
“Well, you said you had something to tell me.”
“Okay?”
“What was it?”
“Why does it matter?” she frowned. “You guys didn’t get married; it doesn’t matter now.”
“Well what was it?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Nothing important.”
“Jess…”
“It wasn’t!”
“The look on your face said anything but.”
“Trust me,” she finished, still frowning. “It doesn’t matter now.”
He sighed again, and turned back to the door. “Once upon a time, you only lied to me when you thought it was for my own good.”
She watched him disappear before mumbling, “This is.”
>>>>>>>>>>
Hours later, Justin and Rie had returned to their hotel suite, both of them awkwardly avoiding the fact that Jessica was slowly but surely losing her cool, and anything they loved about her was quickly becoming everything they hated about her.
“I am so tired,” Rie yawned, slowly pacing into her and Justin’s bedroom. She smiled at him, sitting comfortably against their pillows, engaged in his BlackBerry. “Whatcha doin’?”
He looked up and shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong?” she noticed. She took a seat in the middle of the large bed, propping her legs over his knees. “And don’t bullshit me.”
“Jess is just acting strange as hell,” he admitted, “and it’s bugging me.”
“You want me to talk to her?”
“No, I think it should stay between me and her,” he declined, “although I do wonder if it has something to do with you.”
“I think it does,” she granted, looking him squarely in the eye. “Well, more you than me, but I’m involved, nonetheless.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything,” she smiled comfortingly. “I think she’s just…not used to the fact that there’s a new girl in town.”
“Well, she’s the reason that we met, so…”
“Yeah, and she didn’t think that we would become what we did,” she chuckled softly. “No one did.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, looking down. “But there’s just this… sadness she’s had lately. I mean, I see what you mean, there’s this kind of stern side of her when you’re around, and I get that. But like, for a while now, she’s just been kind of sullen. Even since I’ve been all right with everything.”
Rie nodded understandingly, rubbing his thigh affectionately. She was struggling with whether to let him in on Jessica’s so-called secret; she knew it wasn’t hers to tell, but she hated to see him worry. She exhaled sharply and said, “I’m sure she’ll let you know what’s going on when she’s ready.”
“I doubt it. Jessica’s pride is a bitch.”
“Maybe,” she smirked. “But whatever it is will start eating away at her, if it hasn’t already, and she’ll either spontaneously combust, or ease the pressure before that happens.”
“I hate seeing her like this.”
“I know,” she nodded at him sympathetically. “But I’m sure she hates it more. It’s my experience that the saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad, you know? When Sad tries to bite its lip and smile instead of cry and goes, ‘No, she’s great. I’m happy for you.’” Then she began to shake her head. “That’s when it’s really sad.”
“You’re so perceptive,” he chuckled quietly. He began tracing his fingers along Rie’s glowing chocolate skin, wishing she didn’t have to deal with this with him, whatever it was. “I just want her to be happy, you know?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“But… I knew this thing with Ryan wasn’t gonna work out when she would never tell me anything about him. Like, if you’re into someone, you want to talk about them, right?”
“Yeah,” she shrugged offhandedly.
“I mean, that’s a safe assumption, right?” Rie nodded. “I just don’t understand what she’s doing with him,” he went on. “Like, why bother?”
“It hurts less than being alone?”
“I guess so,” he rationed. “I just don’t understand being with someone you’re not completely crazy about, but… what do I know?”
“You know what works for you,” she answered, laying flat on her back, still gazing down at him. “You do long-term because you fall hard. Someone like me, I go home with a guy because it sounds better than sleeping by myself that night.”
“Is that why you slept with my best friend?” he teased.
“Yes,” she smiled honestly. “And to clarify, that’s not why I’m sleeping with you.”
“Good to know.”
“And how many freakin’ best friends do you have?” she laughed. “Everyone you know is your best friend!”
“Not everyone,” he countered. “Just the important people.”
“I think it’s cute, though,” she grinned.
“I just hope I’m not losing one,” he mumbled softly.
“You won’t lose her,” Rie assured him, lightly patting his leg. “Just… tread lightly.”
>>>>>>>>>>
I could use another cigarette
But don’t worry daddy, I’m not addicted yet
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you like you were mine
It’s been seven hours since my tumultuous lunch with Justin and Company, and now I’m sitting in my silent hotel room with my friend, Jose Cuervo. I honestly don’t know why I’m in such a pissy mood “ he hasn’t done anything wrong, nor has Rie. I guess I just wish the circumstances were different. I don’t know what I’d want them to be… or maybe I do and I’m just not willing to admit it, but I feel myself falling into this weird ass funk over a problem I could probably fix if I’d just open my mouth. But is it ever that simple?
As I dwell on this concept for several minutes, there’s a knock at the door. Since I have no appetite, I figure it’s not room service, so I groggily ask, “Who is it?”
“It’s me.” It’s Justin. “Open the door.”
I reluctantly open the door to his frowning face, surprised to see that Rie isn’t in tow. “Whoa, you’re allowed to roam the streets alone?”
“You mind telling me what your problem is?” he demands.
“I don’t have a problem,” I glare. “Why are you here?”
“Oh, so now I can’t be here?”
“You never gave a shit before; why now?”
“What the fuck, Jessica, since when don’t I care about you?” he questions harshly.
“Since…” I sigh heavily and turn from the door to the window of my hotel room. “I don’t know.”
“You’re acting like an idiot,” he retorts. “And you need to tell me what’s up or stop with all this bitchassness.”
“Dude!” I’m already yelling in an immediate aggravation. “That is not a fucking word. You two need to stop acting like it is!”
“Jess! Chill the fuck out,” he scowls. He takes my hand and sits me down on the couch, and then takes a seat across from me at a desk. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, and stares at me intensely. “What is going on with you?”
“Nothing,” I maintain. “I’m just tired.”
“When you’re tired, you don’t act like a bitch,” he says evenly.
“So now you’re calling me a bitch?”
“No,” he emphasizes, looking down. “I said you were acting like one.”
“Which means that in this moment, you think I’m a bitch.”
“Jess.”
“No, you know what. You can leave,” I say, picking myself up. “I didn’t let you in here just to be lectured.”
“Jessica, sit down,” he commands tersely. “You get to call me out on my shit, I’m calling you out on yours.”
“I think you’ve done enough of that, thanks.”
“Are you seriously still mad about that shit I said back before Christmas?” He laughs as if it was so insignificant. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
All your stormy words have barely broken
And you sound like thunder, though you’ve barely spoken
“Why is it so inconceivable that that hurt me, Justin?”
“Because I didn’t mean anything by it! I was just trying to make you realize that you’ve got to stop rationalizing your way through shit, stop worrying about what He and She and I and They think, and just do what you wanna do,” he says passionately. “You know, like maybe if you start pretending to have fun, you might end up having some by accident.”
“But I am having fun,” I retort. “And it’s pissing me off that you keep taking that away by saying that I’m not.”
“Are you really?” he deigns. “Because since the wedding became a reality and then an unreality, and then Rie came into my life, you seemed to have crawled into this weird, depressive hole, and I’ve been fighting with my conscience over whether I’m supposed to ignore it or call you out on it… But now, it seems like you’ve reached an all time low, and I can’t watch you do this anymore, Jess. Talk to me.”
Oh, it looks like rain tonight
And thank god, ‘cause a clear sky just wouldn’t feel right
“I “ I have nothing to say,” I tell him gingerly. My eyes are welling up and I want to let it all out right here and now, but… “Could you please just go?”
“No! Tell me why you’re crying.”
“I’m not.”
“Jessica!”
“I’m not telling you, Justin! Just get out.”
“Fine!” he shouts, popping up from his seat. “Fine.”
I watch somberly as he puts his jacket back on and heads for the door. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t say anything else, but just walks out of the room in one big whiff of frustration.
He’s taken and leaving
But I keep believing that he’s gonna come round soon
Not more than a minute later, he’s banging on the door again. “Jess. Open the door.”
Wiping the tears that haven’t quite made it to my cheeks, I go to the door and open it to see him standing there. “Why won’t you leave me alone?”
“You wanna put up your walls, fine,” he announces, promenading back into the room. “But you’re my best friend, so I don’t give a shit; I’m breaking them down.”
“Justin, you can’t handle this.”
He grabs my hands again, squeezing them tightly as he tries to look into my eyes. “You can’t tell me what I can handle.”
“All right, then I can’t.” I’m crying now for real. Shit.
“Please,” he beseeches. “What did I do?”
“It’s not you,” I say, avoiding his gaze.
“Then what?”
“It’s…” I sigh, my eyes still watering when they finally land on his cobalt orbs. “It’s about… this problem that’s been eating away at me for so long that I don’t know how to say it out loud.
“Whatever it is, Jess…”
“It’s about… what do you do when you meet someone and you immediately know that they can be the best thing in your world. You can just tell; you just know that they’re the best thing that’ll ever happen to you. But they don’t think the same thing, so you have to play dumb,” I sniffle. “So it’s about what you do with the information when your heart says, ‘Wait. That’s the one.’ But they don’t feel the same way.”
“Jess, if Ryan doesn’t feel the same, then he doesn’t deserve you,” he tells me so irritatingly obliviously. “You deserve to be loved the way you--.”
“No,” I refute quickly. “No.”
“Yes,” he still holds onto my hands.
“No! I mean, yeah… I deserve to be loved,” I agree, “but this is the love that wants him to stay even though he makes me cry; he ignores me and I still adore his attention. He fell in love with someone else and I still managed to say, ‘No, no “ I’m happy for you,’ even though I kind of wanted to kill myself on the inside. It’s the ‘I wish you were here so I could tell you to leave’ kind of shit that I hate, but have been drowning in since I met him. This love made me settle for the best friend, just to keep him in my life.”
You may be my final match
‘Cause I chase everything when you play throw and I play catch
His hands finally let go of me and he stands back, staring at me as if I just shot his mother and asked him if he wanted to keep the bullet.
“I love you,” I finally bring myself to say it out loud and unlike any way I’ve ever said it before. Tears rush over my lips, I feel frozen and naked, and my heart is racing, but hey, I said it. “There you go.”
He blinks slowly, and I wish I knew what the hell he was thinking. If he would just say something…anything. I hate the silence more than anything.
Never took much to keep me satisfied
But all the bullshit you feed me “ you miss me, you need me
This hungry heart will not subside
His shock seems to turn to dismay and he’s glaring at me as he appears to finally digest my words. “You’re serious,” he confirms.
“As hell.”
“Jess.”
“And I know that I have no right to lay this on you like this, but you asked, and…here the fuck we are,” I sigh. “I don’t know…I know this sucks, but…”
“What the fuck, Jess!”
“I’m sorry,” I cry. I swear to God, I already feeling our friendship slipping through my fingers. “I know how shitty this is, and I’m sorry.”
“Shit.” He leans against the wall behind him, resting his head, eyes closed. “Shit.”
“Justin, I’m sorry.”
“It’s… all right.” He turns to the door again and doesn’t hesitate to open it.
“Please don’t leave like this.”
“I just need to get outta here,” he says pressingly. “I’ll call you.”
“Justin.” My tears are falling again, my fears realized, and his presence is choking me as my breathing stutters.
Well I may seem naïve if I cry as you leave
Like I’m just one more tortured heart
“I’ll call you.” And then he leaves me for the second time tonight.
These cracks that I show as I’m watching you go aren’t tearing me apart
A part of me, for some reason, is stunned. I didn’t expect to say what I said, and I most certainly didn’t expect for him to do what he did. I thought it would be all right, due to some twisted ass logic in my head, I guess. I mean, his reaction was a natural one when your platonic pal of seven years tells you that they’re in fucking love with you. But shit…
I stand there, staring into the empty, silent room, whishing I could take it all back. Wishing I wasn’t stupid enough to think he would say it back, or even understand what I was trying to say. I wish I had just stayed cold and silent in the face of his pleading and not said anything at all. I just wish…
God, I hate Rie for bringing all this to the surface. I’ve been holding onto this secret for years now. Trying to keep up the façade, the smile on my face, my heart locked away, protected from the fact that he just doesn’t want me that way. I don’t care if everyone else in the world knew. He was blissful in his ignorance. Why the fuck did I ever go against that?
My tears quickly dissipate into good old-fashioned heartache as I stand there immobile. I can hear the sound of people walking through the halls, completely oblivious to my pain, much in the same way Justin has been, and I wish he still were. It’s so much easier that way. Ugh, I want to die.
The angels said I’d smile today
But who needs angels anyway?
I wonder if I can catch him, just to say that I want to take it back. I didn’t mean it. It was all a huge, stupid mistake and we should just erase the past day of our life. Yes, I know the likelihood of that happening is so low that I shouldn’t even bother, but I figure I haven’t got anything to lose, so I race to the door.
I swing it open, ready to beeline for the elevators, and there he is, just standing there. His back is facing me, his head is lowered, and his hands are in his pockets.
“Justin?”
When he turns around, I barely get to see his face before he leans forward and kisses me. At first, my eyes widen in shock, but I quickly and gladly melt into the fact that he’s kissing me. He’s kissing me. I can’t fucking believe it. This guy “ this perfect guy “ is kissing me, and his lips are so soft and his giant, amazing hands cupping my face shout the urgency of it all, and the butterflies in my stomach are running amuck, and shit. Fuck.
My tears are falling because I’m thinking too much, as usual, and I realize that this is just a moment. A moment he’ll probably regret in all of five minutes, and one that I won’t get back, nor will I ever be able to recreate. A moment that most likely doesn’t mean anything to him, while it’s everything to me… which is why I need to stop. Shit. “Stop,”I frown, pulling away. Fuck.
“What’s wrong?” he breathes heavily.
“Don’t do this to me,” I say, wiping furiously to get all these stupid tears off my face.
“Do what?”
“You’re about to fuck me up.” I focus on a spot on the floor, because I really can’t bear to look at him. “Don’t fucking do this to me when you know you don’t feel the same way.”
He’s taken and leaving
“Jess, I’m not here to hurt you,” he proclaims, biting his swollen pink lips.
“I know,” I nod. “But this could get really bad, really quickly, and I just can’t…”
“You’re so stupid,” he smiles, shaking his head. Before I know it, he’s pulling me back in for another kiss.
But I keep believing that he’s gonna come round soon
>>>>>>>>>>
Well, it got really bad, really quickly. As in, We-just-had-sex-and-now-he’s-asleep-next-to-me bad. Shit.
And I really am so, so stupid. Fuck.
I’m still sighing and crying, because this obviously hasn’t done anything to help the situation, and actually, I feel worse. Not because of who else will potentially be hurt in this, but because we were just so close for those few moments and I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to let him go now.
With him lying next to me, I stare at him like I’ll never see him again. I know it’s silly, but this whole… thing seems like a dream that I’ll wake up from at any minute, just to find that none of it happened. And I don’t know whether that’s a bad or good thing, but I’m determined to keep a snapshot of this moment in my mind forever. I want to remember every inch of his face. Every freckle, every hair, every crevice, every imperfect perfection.
Until I see him again, I’m staying believing that it won’t be deceiving
When he’s gonna come round soon
But then, I close my eyes, envisioning everything, and I think I must have fallen asleep. Because my eyes reopen, and I don’t know what time it is, but he’s moving out of the bed, blindly searching for his clothes in the darkness. He glances over towards me with a sad look “ a look I’d rather not remember, to be honest “ and I can tell he’s already regretting this. He’s already making up excuses in his head and locking his heart away. He won’t even look at me, just through me, blankly and gloomily.
I sit up straight and ask him, “Are you all right?”
He just nods.
His lack of response speaks volumes, unfortunately. And as he turns his back to pull on his pants, I can’t help but wonder if I just lost my best friend. I remember when the silence between us was comfortable. This is anything but.
I could use another cigarette
Lyrics: “Come Round Soon” “ Sara Bareilles, Little Voice
Hello To High And Dry by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Hello, all! I'm sorry for the long wait, but I'm done traveling for the moment, so hopefully I'll be on a better roll for the next few chapters!
THANK YOU so much for reading, guys. I luff hearing from you! -Ash
15 >> Hello To High And Dry
I made a mistake. I’m sorry.
That was the text she received from Justin. No other words, nothing else to explain himself, no follow-up phone call to see if she even received the damn text. Jessica couldn’t believe it. This was worse than Berger breaking up with Carrie via Post-It note on Sex and the City. Jess didn’t know what to do.
Had it really been a mistake? Did he really expect that dinky ass message to suffice? And what was she supposed to say when they saw each other again? Would they even see each other again? For two and a half weeks, she puttered and pondered over Justin’s six little words. They had somehow become epic to her.
“’I made a mistake. I’m sorry,’” she repeated to her lunch companion, shaking her head at the mere thought.
Sitting across from her was Rie’s best friend and former confidante, Jacqueline. Not that they weren’t friends anymore, but they’d grown apart considerably since Justin entered Rie’s life, and Jac was more than happy to fill in the blanks with Jessica. It appeared that the feeling was mutual.
“What the fuck is that?” Jac concurred. “How do you sleep with someone and then leave them with that?”
“Exactly,” Jess agreed enthusiastically. “I wanna kick his scrawny ass.”
“Justifiably.”
“So, like, I still haven’t responded…”
“And it’s been three weeks?”
“Pretty much,” she winced. “This is the longest we’ve ever gone without any kind of communication.”
“Which sounds like it’s for the best.”
“Well… yeah, maybe. But I’m honestly going a little stir crazy,” Jess admitted. “I tell him I love him and he tells me he made a mistake? What the hell is he on?”
“Is he on… Rie?” she suggested innocently.
“Jac, come on.”
“I mean, I know that sounds like a horrible thing to say, but they are together,” she defended. “Making the front page of Just Jared every other day…”
“Spare me,” Jess made a face.
“You can’t just ignore the fact that he’s with her. Annnd you’ve got a boyfriend, you know.”
“I know,” she grinned at the mention of Ryan. “I just… I wish I weren’t so concerned with Justin. I just feel like I’m right back where I started.”
“Well…”
“In fact, I’m worse than where I started, because now he knows how I feel, I have no idea what’s on his mind, and we’re not even talking right now.”
“But you know you guys’ll be cool again soon,” Jac tried to remain cheerful. “You’re going to his birthday thing, right?”
“Yeah,” Jess nodded somberly. “I don’t know if I can handle seeing them together again, though. They were sickeningly cute in New York.”
“I dunno, they’ve been fighting a lot,” Jac revealed. “At least, according to Perez Hilton.”
“Perez Hilton is a fucking idiot,” Jess quipped.
“Well yeah, but they do look like they’re fighting in some of the pictures I’ve seen.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she glowered. She took a long sip from her cup of lemonade, staring out to the relatively tame backdrop of Sunset Boulevard. “Unless…”
“Unless?”
“Unless he told her what happened?”
“Well why wouldn’t he tell her?”
“Because her mom just died, and Justin usually isn’t an insensitive jerk,” Jess chuckled awkwardly. “But I guess he could’ve…”
“Did you tell Ryan?” Jac questioned.
She shook her head. “I planned to, but then I got that text, so now I’m wondering. Like… I don’t know if I can.”
“Well if you can’t, then I highly doubt Justin did.”
>>>>>>>>>>
It was a sunny Friday in Los Angeles, and the end-of-January weather made for a good afternoon to run errands. So, with the 70-degree temperature in mind, Justin and Rie had just pulled into the Whole Foods located in the Santa Monica area of town.
Rie, who had already been put off by the silence of their ride, reluctantly piled out of the car, accidentally shutting the door before picking up her extra large Coach bag. Justin had locked the car before she knew what happened. “Could you open the door?” she requested meekly.
“What’s wrong?” His shades covered his eyes, but it was obvious that he was nearing a frown.
“I didn’t get my purse.”
“Well didn’t you shut the door?” he rebutted.
“Yeah, but I didn’t mean to.” She rested her hand on the handle of his navy blue 760Li, glaring at him from behind her own sunglasses. “Please, just open the door?”
He sighed and unlocked the car, waiting for her to pull out her Bleecker tote. “I don’t know how you could forget that big ass thing. It’s damn near bigger than you.”
“I just shut the door prematurely,” she retorted beginning to walk towards the store.
“What do you have in there?”
“Stuff,” she smirked.
He followed her into the market, grabbing a basket for their items, and then walked past her, heading for the produce section. As he picked through string beans and peppers, broccoli and squash, he noted Rie standing idly behind him. “You don’t have to just stand here, you know.”
“What would you like me to do, sir?”
“Anything you want, Rie.”
“Well, this is all for your birthday celebration thing, so why don’t you just tell me what you want?”
“All right, you can go to the bakery and get some foccacia and some rye, then pick up some ricotta and goat cheese?”
She dryly offered him a military salute and spun on her heel to get lost in the store. Anything to get away from his attitude, she thought. As she strolled through the store, she pulled out her favorite little phone to text the only person she knew she could trust with any information on Justin.
Finding Jacqueline Scheine on her BlackBerry, she composed an SMS text that playfully stated: I hate men.
Rie continued through the store, locating some onion and olive foccacia and several of the freshly baked loaves of wheat bread. Fuck Justin and his rye.
Not long thereafter, Jac replied to her text. Why do u hate justin? Lol
I don’t know he’s just an asshole all of a sudden. Why are boys like that?!
So nothing happened?
Not in particular. Dude is crazy tho, like pms or some shit.
Lmao. What did he do???
Girl the list is endless. Like just now he lost his shit bc I asked him to unlock the car. Wtf is that to be pissed about
Hmmm. how long has he been acting like this?
I dunno mayb 2 weeks? Ever since we got back from nyc I feel like he’s a diff. dude.
Bipolar maybe?
Lmao not funny bitch! I really don’t know what to do.
Well men are just diff. people when they hit rock bottom. U know how u do, just move on
I know that sounds easy enough but I can’t!
What do u mean u can’t?! u better tell him to the left left left
I told him I would really try at a relationshp. I’m not gonna just run at the 1st sign of trouble!
Rie, trust. He is not the guy to try this with lol
Why not??
Rie picked up a few tubs of soft cheese, as directed, and moved through the store, checking her phone periodically for Jac’s response. She couldn’t imagine what kind of reason Jac would give, but it was nice to get her input. For almost two months, Justin had been the only person she closely interacted with. It was good to have her friend back, even if only temporarily.
She turned to the wine section, where she found Justin and their cart full of fruits and vegetables, browsing the red wines. She took note of two young ladies at the opposite side of the area, watching Justin’s every move. “You’ve got a couple of admirers,” she announced, startling him as she placed her items in their basket.
With his shades still on, he glanced over to them and then back to Rie. “You’re so observant.”
“Clearly.” She rolled her eyes, trying to resist the urge to start another fight. She just didn’t have it in her sometimes. “Make sure to get lots of wine.”
“Duly noted,” he chuckled for the first time since they left the house.
“I’m so nervous about tomorrow,” she commented breezily.
“Why is that?”
I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love
“Oh, I don’t know. Your parents will be there. Your best friend hates me. This is the first big thing I’m doing as your… you know.”
“As my… girlfriend?” His eyebrows raised as he dropped a couple of bottles of Merlot and Shiraz into their cart. “You’ll be fine.”
“I hope so.”
“Plus, you’ve already met my mom, so I don’t know why you’re nervous about that.”
“I met her before I even met you!” she laughed. “She won’t remember me.”
“Yes, she will. Me and my mama never forget a face.”
“I really hope that’s not true,” Rie chuckled again. “And your dad will be there too, and it’s just gonna be weird.”
“My parents will love you,” he assured her, finding another bottle of Sangiovese.
“Even so, Jess still hates me, which always makes things awkward as hell.”
Justin disappeared across the large area, picking up some Pinot Grigio, because he knew Trace preferred white over red. When he returned to Rie and their groceries, he changed subjects altogether. “We need to get a couple of bags for all these bottles,” he proclaimed. “You wanna get them or keep looking here?”
“Justin.”
“What?”
She pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, revealing a set of extremely red eyes. She didn’t know if it was from lack of sleep or excess of tears, but it alarmed her either way. “Justin, what is wrong with you?”
He pulled his shades back down and solemnly replied, “Nothing.”
“Don’t do that,” she countered. “Clearly, something is wrong. You’ve been acting like a depressive since you rushed us back here from New York. And like an asshole. So spill.”
“Are you calling me an asshole?”
“I said you’ve been acting like one, yes,” she admitted. “I don’t even know what the fuck we fight about all time, so if you could just let me in on the secret, I’ll be glad to keep arguing with you, man.”
“We’re not arguing, Rie.”
“Yes, we are.” She tried to keep the mood light with a smile, but the neverending tension between them was palpable. “For the past two weeks, that’s all we’ve done.”
“That’s not all we’ve done.”
“Verbally, that’s all we’ve done,” she appended. “If I’ve done something wrong, please just tell me. If you’re frustrated about something else “ about Talis “ please, just tell me.”
But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you
“Rie…”
“This is exactly why I don’t do relationships,” she told him. “I get this amazing guy for the first six weeks, and then we turn a corner and you lose your fucking mind.”
“You’re not all that normal either, you know.”
“Oh trust me, I know that. But I warned you before you started, and here I am, trying. I dove into the deep end, and now I’m about to fucking drown because I have no idea what I’m doing and you’re off somewhere in LaLa Land not giving a flying damn. So please,” she begged, “tell me what to do.”
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
The grimace in his face subsided and he shook his head. “I will tell you what’s going on,” he promised. “But not here.”
“So you admit that something is going on.”
“Yes, I will admit that,” he nodded. He even began to smile, just a little. “Just… not here, all right?”
“Fine with me.”
They continued their shopping spree, picking up a few more staples, including some whole wheat pasta, some sea vegetables, oolong tea, lots of seafood, and a platter of pasta salad that Justin had already called in for preparation. They quietly made their way to the checkout, where Justin paid for the items and Rie arranged the bags so that he had the heavier items, while she carried the breads and the platter of pasta.
It was all very subtle to the naked eye, she guessed, but for the first time in her life, she felt like she was really in a relationship. She felt like they were actually a couple, doing coupley things, like grocery shopping for their outing on a yacht the next day, celebrating her boyfriend’s birthday. Meeting his parents and hosting his friends.
Obviously, it was all very new and she didn’t have a lot of responsibilities as The Girlfriend yet, especially considering they were barely getting along at the moment, but this was a big deal to her. She really liked this feeling. And, as inconceivable as it was, she wanted it to last.
Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
With their arms and hands full, the couple exited the store to several onlookers doing double-takes. Justin noted a gaggle of paparazzi approaching them in the parking lot. “Just keep going to the car,” he mumbled to Rie.
She had spotted them as well, and was already on the path to freaking out. But she did as directed, locating his dark blue Beemer and heading straight towards it. She was silently praying that an altercation didn’t ensue, because the whole situation was embarrassing enough on its own.
Ignoring the photographers, they got to their spot, where a twentysomething Hispanic guy was situated directly behind the car. Frowning, Justin approached the guy, who appeared to be staring at the license plate. “Can I help you?”
He gazed over to Justin and then back at the car.
“What the fuck, guy, could you back up?” Justin demanded.
“No habla ingles, tio,” the guy replied, stating that he did not speak English.
“Yeah, I just bet you don’t,” Justin muttered. He reworded his phrase to be sure the guy would understand. “Estoy muy cabreado. Vete a la verga.”
“Jus, could you open the door?” Rie interrupted with a sigh.
He passed the keys over to her, but continued to stare down the guy in front of them. “Comprende?”
“Tranqui, tio,” the stranger laughed. “Me gusta tu BMW,”
“Que mas da. Pierdete.”
Rie had carefully placed her groceries in the back of the car and she was standing next to Justin now. “Can we go? People are watching.”
“I don’t care,” he repeated, in English this time. “He needs to get away from my car.”
“You need to calm down,” she warned him. “Let’s just get in the car, and… I promise you can run over him if he doesn’t move.”
Justin looked to the photographers that were forming a group around them and he relented. “All right.”
“Si, vete a la mierda,” the guy encouraged them to get lost. And as Rie turned to enter the car, he added, “Miiiiira ese culo!”
She managed to ignore it, but Justin, quick to defend the lady he was with, turned around and said, “You know what? Chingate, cabrón--.”
“Chinga tu madre, cabrón!”
“Para!” Rie yelled suddenly, ordering them to stop all this nonsense. “Justin, please get in the car. And you,” she turned to the stranger, “lo siento for him… pero tu eres un pendejo.”
“Mami,” he held his hands out as if to protest.
“Que tenga un buen dia y adios,” she finished, shutting the door as she entered the car. She looked over to Justin, who was smirking at her as she pulled on her seatbelt. “What.”
“So now you speak Spanish?”
“About as much as you do, apparently!” she laughed. “Look at you, all bilingual and shit.”
“Well Trace is fluent, so I know some stuff.”
“And I grew up in LA, so it’s inevitable,” she nodded. “Hey, try not to hit anybody?” she suggested as he began to back up.
“But you said I could,” he whined playfully.
“Fine, but just… be gentle.”
She took off her sweater and got comfortable in her seat, pulling her phone from her purse. She noted the red light blink on her Curve, so she checked her messages, seeing that Jac had replied to her message a while ago. Her response was short: He’s just not what you thought he was.
Rie was confused by the ominous advice, but she didn’t want to ponder it now. She rested her phone between them and turned to Justin as he turned down San Vincente. “So hey, you ready to tell me what’s going on?”
He exhaled heavily and shook his head. “Not now, Rie.”
“Well then when?”
“I don’t know, but just… not now.”
And then it dawned on her that Jac’s text actually made perfect sense.
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
>>>>>>>>>>
The following Saturday was just as nice as the day before, and Justin and Rie had made it another 24 hours without any arguments to report. In celebration of Justin’s 28th birthday, they were driving out to Orange County, along with several of their friends and Justin’s family, for a nice outing in the Pacific. His friend Huch owned a yacht that they would be using for the afternoon, sailing out of Laguna Beach.
Their group, comprised of Justin and Rie, Justin’s parents, Lynn and Paul, his best friends, Trace, Jessica, Huch, and their current better halves, JoAnna, Ryan, and Dana, as well as Rachael, Jac, and their guys, strolled down the pier to their boat, toting enough food and drink to last them a week.
“Now ladies, be careful gettin’ on this boat,” Huch warned, standing to the side so that the females behind him could get by. “It does not like high heels.”
Justin valiantly and silently helped Rie and both of his parents onto the boat, and then climbed aboard, the four of them taking their groceries into the kitchen. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now,” he commented, placing the cheese in the refrigerator. “I hope we leave soon.”
“We’re leaving right now,” Rachael informed him in passing.
“Justin and Rie, why don’t you two go get comfy outside and I’ll bring you somethin’ to eat?” Lynn suggested. She was very aware of the awkward silence between them, which had been a vast contrast to the way he’d gone on and on about Rie over the past few months, so she wanted to do anything she could to ease whatever tension was between them. “How ‘bout it, sweetie?”
“Lynn, I can stay here with you to help unpack everything,” Rie countered. “And I’ll bring something out to you?” she told Justin.
He nodded and yawned, turning to the rest of the swanky boat, exploring with his other friends. He loved the way the blue from the ocean created a tint on the whole interior from the spectacular windows ahead of him. He immediately headed outside and took a seat on the deck, staring into the abyss they were headed toward.
After a long moment of silent contemplation, there were footsteps on the deck behind him. They were soft and almost drowned out by the ocean around them. “You broke my heart,” the voice belonging to the footsteps announced sullenly. “And I’ve been trying to get the balls to tell you off for like… two weeks,” the voice chuckled. “I wanted to tell you that I hated you, but… I know I could never bring myself to say that. I wanted to say that we can’t or shouldn’t be friends anymore, but… I think that would’ve affected me so much more than you,” it sighed. “Hell, I wanted to kick your ass, but since it’s your birthday and all, I guess now wouldn’t be the appropriate time to do that, so… I’m left with four words. You broke my heart.” The voice was trembling, in spit of its strong words. “I just thought you should know that.”
Justin inhaled silently and turned when he thought the footsteps were leaving. “Jessica,” he called after her.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” he proclaimed earnestly. His eyes locked with hers for the first time since they had sex, and for a moment, he really thought he was going to cry.
“Can you just tell me what I did?”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“Then why won’t you look at me?” her eyes were pleading with his back and she was on the verge of tears herself. “I feel like I’m losing you.”
“You can’t lose me, Jess.”
“Okay, well then maybe you’re losing you. Because I don’t understand why you fucked me and never looked back, Justin. I don’t understand why you’re parading around town with Rie like nothing happened.” She walked over to him and sat down beside him, just close enough that she wouldn’t have to shout over the wind. “I don’t know why I just don’t… know you anymore.”
“I haven’t changed,” he looked up at her. “Not that much, anyway.”
“I thought you were gonna start working on your album.”
“I said I’d start in January,” he quipped.
“And today’s the last day in January; that ship has sailed,” she frowned. “The Justin I know would not have gotten to January third without studio time booked.”
“The Justin you know got sidetracked,” he defended. “I don’t see the big deal.”
“The big deal is in all the little things that have changed about you,” Jessica maintained. “The Justin I know would not have done what you did to me.”
“I didn’t do anything to you,” he looked down. “I mean, not purposely.”
“Why did you freak out? Why didn’t you call?” she pressed. “Why did you do this?”
“I don’t know,” he shook his head sadly. “I don’t know. When you said you loved me, I think I just caught up in this moment where nothing quite made sense, and I somehow convinced myself that that was the most amazing thing in the world. And then, afterwards, it was like… what the fuck did I just do? You know?”
Jessica shrugged. “I wasn’t lying or speaking impulsively when I said that I loved you, Justin. I mean, if I had known what was going to happen, then I don’t think I would’ve admitted it, but it’s been true for…ever,” she sighed. “And then with those three little words, I inadvertently gave you all the power. I gave you all the tools you needed to break my heart…”
I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it?
“Jess--.”
“And I think that’s where Rie got you,” she continued, “because she was smart. She wouldn’t let you have that. She wouldn’t let you get that close, and that is precisely why--.”
“Jessica.”
“--That’s why she’s got your heart. And that’s why I’m still fighting for a little slice of your attention, and still looking for that coveted key when she’s already got the whole damn thing.” Now, Jess was shaking her head. “And you’ve got all the power…”
“I don’t want it,” he sighed. He rested his head on her unwitting shoulder, smiling at her light scent. “I still have to tell Rie…,” he whispered.
“Why haven’t you told her yet?”
“Because it’s gonna hurt, and I just “ I don’t know how to do that.”
Or should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Jessica nodded, because she knew as much, but it stung just the same to see that she was still on the backburner. And even after he was the one to initiate their little tryst, he didn’t seem to care that she was the one he’d failed to protect. “I haven’t told Ryan yet either.”
“I figured, since he came along today and all.”
“Yeah…”
“I have to tell her, though,” he repeated contemplatively.
Or would it be a waste even if i knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Once Rie finished up her domestic duties with Lynn, she made her way outside to see Justin and Jessica sitting close together, having what appeared to be a rather solemn discussion. Rie didn't want to interrupt their bonding time “ well, really she did, but she felt slightly remorseful about it at the least. She cleared her throat as she walked on deck with a plate of crablegs for Justin. “Hey.”
Justin and Jess turned to her voice, Justin gazing back emptily. Jessica hopped up from her seat and completely avoided Rie as she hurried back inside. Noticing her unease, she asked, “Did I run over her dog or something?”
“It’s not you,” he smiled softly. H offered her his hand, and pulled her towards him when their fingers touched.
They sat on a bench at the edge of the boat, overlooking the vast Pacific ahead of them, seemingly mesmerized by the huge mass of water, beginning to daydream of what was ahead. With their legs crossed over one another, they appeared so peaceful, even if only for show.
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting,” he eventually announced after a good ten minutes of comfortable silence. “I haven’t been myself for the past couple of weeks, and I know I went all crazy on you…”
“A little Doctor Jekyll and Mister Jackass,” she nodded in agreement.
He smiled quickly, lowering his William Rast hat on his head before continuing. “No, I know I’ve been pretty douchetastic. And you deserve better than that, so I will be better.”
“Can you tell me why you’ve been so depressed?” she queried, beginning to pull the crablegs apart for him. “Was it a relapse of Talis-ness?”
He bit his bottom lip, wondering what it would do to her if he said right then and there that he’d slept with Jessica. At this point, he had run the gamut of emotions over his mistake, and he knew he couldn’t feel any worse, so this was really about preserving Rie’s feelings now. She hadn’t even given him all the tools he needed to break her heart, and yet, here he was, doing it anyway.
“I want to be honest with you,” he stated, “because I just adore the hell out of you, but…”
“What are you scared of?”
“You hating me,” he chuckled.
She gave him a sympathetic look and set the plate down. She pieced together all the information she had been given “ and some she had to take for herself “ in the recent weeks, and it wasn’t hard for her to figure out that this was about Jessica. Granted, she didn’t know exactly what was going on, but if he thought she would hate him for it, she really didn’t want to know what it was. She couldn’t afford to. Not there, in the middle of the ocean, with his friends and his parents there, and nowhere for her to go but out of her mind.
She swallowed hard and bit her lip so as not to blurt out anything. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She couldn’t get over this whole situation, really. She couldn’t believe that he was her boyfriend, and that whatever he had to say could potentially mean that he wouldn’t be anymore. No, whatever it was, she couldn’t bear to hear it.
“I just want to know one thing,” she supplied hesitantly. “… And that’s if you’re okay.”
“Come here.” He picked up the plate and repositioned his right leg so that there was an open space on the bench. He extended his free arm and took her hand, pulling her backwards into his embrace. He sat the plate in her lap, pushed her hair to one side, and nuzzled into the soft crevice between her neck and shoulder. “We’ll be okay.”
“You are a hard man to chase,” she told him, melting at his touch. “But I think you’ll be a good catch.”
“You’ve caught me already,” he smiled, resting his hands on her hips.
She smirked at the mere thought. “Not quite.”
Meanwhile, inside the boat, Jess and Jac sat at one of the many dining tables, witnessing the lone couple on the deck, curled up together, eating seafood and laughing like they had not a care in the world.
“He so didn’t tell her,” Jess announced, turning from the scene of Rie and Justin. “Maybe it’s for the best?”
Jacqueline only shrugged.
“I think I would adore them if I didn’t hate them.”
“Ugh, I need a man,” Jac joked, still gazing at them. “I know I’m supposed to remain kind of neutral through all this, but it’s getting rough. She’s falling hard, and it sucks that I know she’s about to get hurt.”
Jessica shook her head in disagreement. “All I’ve managed to do is successfully push him further away from me. She’s got him…”
“You think so?”
“Well look at them.”
Jessica’s stomach dropped in jealousy when she saw Justin wrap Rie in his leather jacket. And then, it appeared that she said something funny, because he laughed in that way where he was bent over and his mouth was hanging wide open. And Jess imagined that it was that hearty laugh that ended with one of his big sighs. That was the way he laughed when he thought something was really funny.
Sharing food and sharing stories were the things that happy people did. And it was clear that they were happy. Together. And her dirty little secret didn’t seem to be affecting either one of them at the moment. “She’s got him,” she repeated.
Yeah, Justin was right. This was all a mistake, indeed.
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Lyrics: "Chasing Pavements" - Adele (19)
Dancing In The Dark by Ashley
16 >> Dancing In The Dark
The six o’clock hour was approaching when Justin arrived at Rie’s home in Sherman Oaks, already irritated by the relentless paparazzi that had followed him from West Hollywood.
Dressed to the nines in a black on black William Rast suit, he strolled up Rie’s walkway, his shades covering his frowning eyes, and walked into the house. He knew that Rie had left the door open since he’d called her from the road. “I am here, my love,” he announced proudly, stepping into the foyer. “And I know I’m a little early, but there was an accident on the 101, so I thought I’d better hurry up.”
Rie came traipsing down her staircase in a black and white print Anthropologie dress that accented Justin’s suit in all the right ways. Her black and purple hair was elegantly pulled into a large bun and her makeup was understatedly complementary. “Hey, sexy,” she beamed. “You look fantastic.”
“Likewise,” he smiled, planting a kiss on her lips when she reached the bottom of the staircase.
“Lord, I hope so. I haven’t been to a wedding I wasn’t working in ages.”
“You look great,” he assured her.
Brushing her bangs to the side, her smoky eyes focused on him adoringly. “Thank you, sir.”
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I just need to get the gift out of my car, and we’re good.”
“I’ll get the gift,” he offered. “It’s not another one of your water bottle thingies, is it?”
“No,” she giggled. “It’s a silly gift, but I think they’ll like it.” Rie grabbed her shimmery white clutch from her mail table, shoving her key and BlackBerry into it, following Justin out of the door.
“Who’s getting married again?” he called back to her.
“One of the actors in the movie I was working on with Jess?” she reminded him, locking up the house. “Malinda Williams.”
Justin nodded hesitantly at the mention of Jessica’s name. The more he came into contact with his thoughts of her, the guiltier he felt about what was going on. So he went on to ask, “Oh yeah, I remember her. She was in ‘The Wood,’ right?”
“And some other stuff,” Rie laughed. “Yes.”
“I thought she was married to Mekhi Phifer.”
“Well… not anymore,” Rie finished.
He stopped at Rie’s Jeep, pulling out the clear gift bag that contained two small boxes, as well as an envelope, and then escorted his girlfriend to his new dark grey Audi convertible, opening the door for her. He carefully placed the gift behind her seat and entered the car with a sigh. “Another wedding in Malibu.”
“You all right?” Rie had noticed the photographers lurking in the not-so-distance, so she knew he couldn’t have been too happy.
“Yeah…”
“Listen, if you don’t wanna go, we don’t have to. I’m not a big fan of weddings myself.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” he chuckled.
“You sure?” he pressed. “Because I know there are a lot better ways to spend Valentine’s Day than going to a wedding reception.”
“It’s just a few hours,” he shrugged, pulling out of Rie’s driveway. “I’m sure we’ll make it.”
“Good, because everyone’s excited that you’ll be there,” she intimated excitedly.
“Oh Lord.”
“Don’t worry, the paps won’t be able to get in,” she giggled. “They’ll just have to make up shit about you and Jess like they usually do.”
“Exciting,” he laughed, heading for the freeway. “I guess I didn’t realize that Jess would be there.”
“Oh yeah, everyone from the movie will be there, so Jess, and Jake, and James…”
“James?”
“Marsden,” Rie nodded. “He’s such a cutie.”
“Mmm, I don’t know who that is.”
“I’m sure you do,” she decided for him. “Maybe you just don’t know him by name.”
“Maybe so…”
“At any rate, the gang’s all there.”
“Should be fun,” he supplied gloomily.
“It will be. We’re gonna dance, and laugh, and eat, and pretend we actually like the people we’re about to spend the next three hours with,” she described, nothing like she hoped for their first Valentine’s together. “You’ll love it.”
“I’ll love it,” he repeated.
“You know what, though? I think I gave them too much money with their gift…”
“How much did you give them?” he glanced to her, stopping at a red light.
“Three fifty,” she winced.
“What?!”
“So it is a lot?”
“For someone who’s already rich and on their second marriage? Hell yeah it is.”
“Seriously?” she laughed. “’Cause I don’t wanna be cheap.”
“That is more than enough, Rie,” he began to chuckle as well.
“All right, but… I think I’m gonna leave it. I can’t show up to a wedding with Justin Timberlake and give them, like, a waitress tip.”
“Girl, you need to put me on your payroll if you’re ballin’ like that. Shit.”
“You are so silly,” she couldn’t stop laughing.
“I try,” he grinned.
“Plus, I’d rather give too much than too little.”
The irony of her statement caught him off guard, and made him think a little too much. Suddenly, the guilt was just too much to bear, and he had to blurt it out. “Rie, I slept with Jessica.”
She flinched at his statement, and her smile immediately disappeared. She swallowed hard, because she kind of knew that it was coming. She didn’t necessarily know what ‘it’ was, or when ‘it’ would arrive, but ever since Justin’s birthday on the boat, she knew she should be prepared for some secret that would inevitably fuck her shit up. For those two weeks, she told herself that whatever it was, she would be able to handle it. That she wouldn’t run for cover at the first sign of trouble. But nothing really prepares you for something like that, and so, despite all the vows she made to herself, her shit was fucked up, and she was ready to run. She didn’t know what to say, so she just turned toward the window.
After a few minutes of silence, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you gonna say anything?” he asked softly.
She didn’t answer. She just kept her head turned towards the window.
“Rie, I am so, so sorry,” he proclaimed. “And I know that doesn’t make it better, but it was just a moment of extreme stupidity, and I swear, it will never happen again.”
“Stop the car,” she directed, her voice already thick with her regrets.
“What?”
“Stop the fucking car,” she shouted, reaching far out of her own usually placid temperament.
He was in the middle of Van Nuys Boulevard, so he pulled over to the lane next to the sidewalk, putting on his hazard lights, and slowed to a stop. He watched Rie remove her seatbelt and exit the car, taking her purse and her heart with her.
“What are you--.” He was cut off by her slamming the door, so he rolled down the passenger window and asked, “Rie, what are you doing?”
She ignored him and began to walk. And with every step that her black stilettos hit the pavement, she felt like her heart was being stabbed by the repetition of Justin’s words.
“Rie, get in the car,” he told her, slowly following her along the sidewalk.
“Just go, Justin.”
“Rie, I’m sorry.”
She glanced at him briefly, and she knew that he was, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn’t mean that this all suddenly made sense. “Please, just let me be alone,” she finally told him.
“I can’t just leave you here.”
“You can,” she countered. “Just drive.”
“Let me at least take you back home.”
“I’m going to the wedding,” she told him as if it were obvious.
“So you’re gonna walk to Malibu?”
“Leave me alone!” she finished, stopping at the corner of Van Nuys and Ventura.
Justin stopped the car in front of her, catapulting out of it to plead with her. “Get in the car, Rie.”
“No.”
“Please,” he said sternly, walking towards her. “Just get in the car.”
“NO.”
“What do I have to do?”
She refused to give him an answer. Mostly, because she didn’t have one, but partly because she just didn’t want to look at him anymore. She retrieved her cell phone from her purse and began to Google the closest cab company. Glaring at him, she made sure that he was aware she was calling a cab, and to assuredly prove that in no way was he irreplaceable.
“You can leave,” she stated with finality.
>>>>>>>>>>
Around 7:00 PM, Rie finally arrived at Malinda’s wedding, and much to her chagrin, Justin was waiting for her at the top of the wide, winding driveway. His head was lowered, he was holding the couple’s gift, and even though darkness had fallen, his sunglasses still covered his eyes.
“Is this the part where I say I’m impressed?” she greeted him sullenly.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he answered softly. “I just want to be here with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you and I want you to know--.”
“Oh, hell no,” she shook her head in very apparent irritation. “Don’t you do that to me.”
“Don’t do what?” he questioned, confused.
“Don’t you fucking patronize me, Justin. Don’t say those words in the middle of all this.”
“What did I say?”
She gave him a bored look and gently took the gift bag from his clutches. She didn’t have the time or patience to figure out whether or not he was being genuine. Two hours ago, she wouldn’t have figured he had the capacity to lie so easily, but now, she didn’t know what to think. But maybe “ just maybe “ he happened to blurt out some real feelings just then. Which, in turn, made all of this so much harder for her to deal with. If he loved her “ like, for real “ how would she ever figure out how to begin hating him?
“Let’s just get through this,” she finished, leaving him to walk towards the house.
Justin cautiously followed behind, his hands nervously stuffed in the pockets of his suit as they entered the ostentatious home. The couple was met by two ushers that escorted them to the backyard, where a large tent was situated and several guests dotted the outside.
Being that most of the attendants were black, it didn’t take very long for Rie to spot Jessica and the rest of the guests that Malinda knew from the Nailed film set. Justin wanted to avoid them “ namely, Jess “ at all costs, but Rie gravitated towards them, greeting Jake Gyllenhaal, Tracy Morgan, and Kirstie Alley as though she didn’t have a care in the world.
Justin tried his best to fade into the background, allowing Rie to be the star of the show, making sure to mainly speak when spoken to “ and even then, only minimally. He even kind of enjoyed not having to be front and center for a while, and found himself engaged in Rie’s engagement with everyone else when he felt a bump to his elbow. He thought for sure it would be Jessica, but was nervously surprised to see Ryan staring back at him.
“I see you got sucked into this too,” he commented to Justin.
Paranoia was on the brink of getting the best of Justin, but he pushed it back down and smiled breezily. “Yeah, man… you know how it is.”
“All too well, all too well.” Ryan downed his cup of whatever he had been drinking and stood beside Justin, witnessing the reunion that was taking place before them. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“What’s that?”
“How we’ll do anything to keep depositing in the sex bank,” Ryan chuckled.
Justin laughed obliviously, as his focus was mostly on Rie. “Ain’t it the truth.”
“Hey, I wanted to ask you, are you guys doing anything the first weekend in March?”
“For Jess’s birthday?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, gazing at his own girlfriend. “I mean you and Rie, obviously.”
“Umm… I dunno. I don’t think so.”
“Cool, cool,” Ryan nodded. “We’re gonna do a weekend in Cabo, and so it’d be great if you guys could join us.”
Justin wasn’t even sure he would make it to tomorrow, much less March 3rd, but he agreed nonetheless, rather hopeful that it could become a reality. “Yeah, that’ll be fun.”
“What’ll be fun?” Jacqueline interrupted, joining the two men in the middle of the yard. She offered Justin one of her two drinks and glanced at them quizzically.
“I was just telling Justin about our trip to Cabo,” Ryan informed her casually. “He and Rie are gonna come with us.”
“Oh really,” Jacqueline eyed him suspiciously.
“Well I haven’t checked with Rie yet,” Justin appended, “but I’ve tentatively agreed, yes.” He frowned at her expression as he took a sip from his drink. “Are you going?”
“Yeah… I think I will,” she decided right then. “It’ll be fun, right?”
“Dope,” Ryan concurred.
“Justin, can I talk to you?” Jac demanded, taking him away from Ryan before he could respond.
“What in the hell are you doing?” he queried, being pulled to a secluded corner of the crowded backyard.
“No, what are you doing?”
“I was talking to Ryan,” he recalled. “If that’s all right with you.”
“It’s not,” she quipped. “How dare you plan some trip for you and Rie when you’re keeping this big ass secret from her?”
“Jac,” he frowned.
“And don’t tell me it’s none of my business, because it is. Rie is my best friend, and I swear to god, I will cut off your balls if you don’t stop this shit.”
“First of all, I’ve already told her,” he intimated. “Second of all, if you’re her best friend, where the fuck have you been for the past three months?”
“I’ve “ I’ve been around,” she stuttered. “She’s the one that doesn’t return my calls.”
“Gee, I wonder why.”
“Because she was too wrapped up in you, believing you were actually a nice guy.”
“Oh, so that’s why you’ve attached yourself to Jessica,” he nodded sarcastically. “Got it.”
“Why do I feel like you’ve hated me since the day we met?”
“Funny, I feel the same way about you,” he retorted.
“I didn’t have any problems with you until you started screwing my friends.”
“Well, honestly, I could take you or leave you, but I’m not sure what this has to do with anything.” He tilted his head to signify his boredom with the conversation, and watched in the background as Jessica strolled out of sight with her boyfriend. “Listen, Jac,” he announced quietly, “I made my mistake, I told Rie about it, and now we’re dealing with it.”
“How are you dealing with it? Showing up to a wedding like nothing’s wrong? Avoiding the situation altogether?”
“If you wanna be Rie’s friend, or Jessica’s friend, or Ryan’s friend, or whatever the hell your purpose is here, by all means, go… advise them. But I’m handling me, so thank you… but, no thank you.” He began to walk off, but she grabbed his sleeve before he could escape. “What?”
“I’m serious, Justin. Don’t hurt her.”
He gave her a slight nod and began to walk back towards the party before mumbling, “It’s too late.”
He was trying to keep a pleasant face on, in spite of all the drama swirling around him, and so he joined Rie and the rest of her friends inside the tent, where everyone was gathering round for a toast from the matron of honor.
Rie took a seat at one of several tables and Justin stood behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders. It made her tense up, but she closed her eyes and pretended to be all right, because she had no other choice. She had to pretend that Jessica wasn’t just a few feet away, avoiding them just as much as they were avoiding her.
She had to pretend she wasn’t about to explode into a million little pieces, and that the four cloth walls of the tent weren’t closing in on her. That Justin’s touch wasn’t causing her skin to heat up, or that his presence alone wasn’t suffocating her. And that the shreds of pain she began to feel when he revealed his secret weren’t turning into massive amounts of hurt.
Admittedly, she had done a lot of pretending with Justin. Pretending that she didn’t trust him, pretending her feelings were ever platonic, and even nonexistent; pretending she wasn’t jealous when she saw him kissing Talis, or that she didn’t sleep with Huch just to make him pay attention; pretending she hadn’t been falling in love…
And maybe her defense mechanism had just betrayed the hell out of her, but she wasn’t about to stop now. So she smiled and pretended everything was fine, even though she could see Jessica out of the corner of her eye, who was pretending herself, that she and Ryan were so happy together. And so was Justin, pretending he didn’t break hearts. Rie wondered if Ryan knew, too, and if he was just pretending to be all right, just like the rest of them. At any rate, she figured the silver lining in all of this was at least she wasn’t alone… yet.
“And so it starts,” the matron of honor began, holding up a half empty glass of champagne. She smiled widely at the newlyweds beside her and then looked out to everyone else. “This one surprised us, I gotta say. Because we were all sure that Malinda was done with men and relationships and love altogether after the last dude she was with, who shall remain nameless,” she emphasized with a chuckle. “We all told her, ‘You can’t live your life on hurts from the past, Lin. You’ll be alone forever, girl.’” The guests laughed “ everyone but Rie and Justin, that is. “But y’all know Lin; she didn’t wanna hear it. She was like, ‘I hate men; what I need with a man?’ And of course, none of us could answer that question.
But lucky for her, and for us, Derrick came along to answer and he saved her from all the bad guys in the world, all her preconceived notions and resentments. What he did was he taught her to trust the soul of a man again. And about kindness, and patience, virtue, and forgiveness, true commitment, and… true love. D, you saved my baby sister from her own worst enemy “ herself. We love you for it. And more importantly, we truly cannot wait to see you two spend the rest of your lives together. Here’s to you… Malinda and Derrick.”
A round of applause commenced and people began to down their drinks, but Rie quickly left the room before her tears could come crashing down. Justin wasn’t sure whether to go after her, or if he should leave her alone, but the other option of staying in the same room with Jessica was much less appealing than going after her, so he inconspicuously escaped the tent as well.
He walked outside and found her standing solitarily at the edge of the yard, which overlooked the ocean, and the February breeze had created a chill that matched the coldness between the two of them. Still, he continued to take steps towards her, trying to figure out what the hell he would say when he got there.
“This isn’t gonna work,” she told him, sniffling. She turned and gave him a look of regret, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” he told her quickly. “I’m sorry.”
“Why did you…”
“I don’t know.” He joined her at the concrete balcony, taking her hands into his. “I was trying to be the good guy to Jess and I turned myself into the villain in your story.”
She tried to wrestle her hands out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go. “Let go of me, Justin.”
“I can’t, Rie.”
“Let me go, or I’m gonna scream.”
“Do it,” he challenged her.
She continued to contort her hands, but he wouldn’t let go, and instead, she just ended up holding his hands as well. “Justin!”
“Rie, I’m sorry,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. Darkness had fallen over Malibu, and her tears glistened against the moonlight, illuminating her pain, and causing him to feel even worse, if that was possible. “I will do anything to make this up to you.”
“You can’t.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded. “Just let me go.”
“No!”
“Let me go.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling down her cheeks, and her voice was shaking as she begged him to release her. “Let me go, Justin.”
“Rie, look at me.”
“Let me go.”
“Open your eyes,” he directed.
“I hate you,” she opened her eyes, but she refused to look at him.
“I know you don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do,” she continued squirming. “I told you I didn’t trust you, and fuck you for doing this to me.”
“I never said I would be perfect--.”
“I never said I wanted you to be perfect, but you went and lived up to all my expectations from October until now…”
“And I stumbled,” he nodded, holding on tightly. “I stumbled and fell flat on my face, but here I am, trying to pick up the pieces. Because I have what I want in my hands right now, and I’m fighting to hold onto it. What about you?”
She finally stared into his eyes for a moment, trying to read them through the blur of her tears, but it only made her cry more. “People are gonna come out here soon.”
“I don’t care about people; I care about you, Rie.”
“You can’t sweet talk me anymore, Justin.” She was shaking her head and sniffling. “All this time… I thought I was saving you from Talis, but what the hell makes you any better than her?”
“Rie.”
“You know, like, maybe you learned something from her after spending five years together… Or did she learn it from you?”
“That’s not fair.” He finally let her go, staring down at her with pain-filled blue eyes, just as dark as the ocean in that moment.
“Justin,” she reconsidered, “I know this isn’t the type of man you are, but you knew I didn’t trust you. You knew I was doing all this relationship shit for you, so… that’s what hurts the most. I know you’re better than this, and… it sucks that you had to experiment on me…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I believe you,” she sniffled. “But your favorite red drawers just suddenly turned into a big red flag, and I need to get out before you do anymore damage.”
“Why? Why does one mistake equal all or nothing?” he pressed. “One bad decision on one bad day and it’s over? What happened to life getting dirt on it and you figuring out how to handle it once you do?”
“Don’t do that,” she shook her head. “Don’t throw my shit back in my face like that.”
“I’m not. I’m just reminding you of the promises you made to yourself,” he replied. “I know I’ve fucked you up with this, and I can’t take it back in a matter of three hours, but I’m standing here, pleading with you, because I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I had to.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she smirked.
“I would, Rie, because it’s quite possible that you’re it for me.”
“Clearly, I’m not.”
“But what if you are,” he maintained. “What if… I dunno. What if I’ve been building up all these expectations, and making all these mistakes, and spending nights with the wrong ones… just to learn what to contrast you against?”
She didn’t have an answer for that, so she replied with a question. “Why didn’t you forgive Talis?”
“Because,” he shrugged, “she…”
“I recall you saying that she couldn’t have made a mistake, because, and I quote, ‘You don’t fuck someone else by accident.’ Isn’t that what you said?”
“That’s what I said,” he granted with a lowered head.
“So now, maybe you can understand her position, as well as mine,” she looked down as well. “And as much as I would like to forgive you, or hell, wish I didn’t even know this, I know myself, and it’s just “ it won’t be the same.”
“Rie…” She covered her face with her hands, and he knew she wasn’t as sure about this as she was letting on. “Listen, if you know what you’re doing, I’ll walk away right now and I’ll find some way to move on with my life one of these years. But I really feel like you’re using this as an excuse to run. In which case, I’ll be behind you, waiting for the moment you realize you’re ready to stop.”
“I’m not sure of anything,” she admitted. Her words were muffled as she spoke from behind her hands. “I haven’t been in a long time, apparently. And I know you mean well, I know you’re a generally good guy, I know you didn’t sleep with Jessica on purpose,” she went on. “But all I’m gonna wonder now is whether or not I’m competing with her. Whether it’ll happen again, or if she’s on your mind when you’re looking at me. Whether you’re in love with her, or if I’ll ever really be good enough for you.”
“You have to know by now that you are so much more than good enough,” he shook his head.
“I know that, inherently,” she nodded. “But you sleeping with her just reminds me of how wrong we are for one another. It reminds me that you should be with a movie star and I should keep my head out of the clouds.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Let’s just call this what it was, Justin.” She finally looked at him again, and she quickly realized that the more she stared, the more she wanted to forgive him. But… “It was a fling. It was never destined to be a happily ever after, and the sooner we realize that, the better off we’ll be. It’ll hurt less.”
“What’s… why are you saying this?” A couple of tears had dropped to his jacket and he worked quickly to wipe them away. “Rie, you are not your job, or how much money you have in your account at WaMu. You’re not the Jeep you drive, or all that hair you have, or where you eat your dinner. You are Rie Torrey, Whomever Extraordinaire, and I wish that you saw in yourself what I see in you.”
He pulled her into a tight embrace, and felt her melt against his body, as though she actually needed him for support right now. “So we’re different. Guess what? Everyone is.” She sighed at the beat of his heart against her face, so he held her tighter. “And I made a huge mistake. You know what? We all do, and if we’re smart, we learn from them. So you’re right, I didn’t forgive Talis the way I should have, but please don’t make the mistakes I did. Don’t throw away a good thing because you’re scared of what else could happen…”
She shook her head against his chest and exhaled sharply. “I already took that chance, Justin. I was fragile “ I even came in a box with the words marked in red “ and… you broke me anyway.” She gave him one last squeeze and then let go, just as an overly upbeat song began radiating from the reception tent. “So… the damage is done, and… I guess I’ll be leavin’.” She turned to walk away for the second time that evening, but this time, she left her heart, and took his with her instead.
System Overload by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay, I just have to say how sorry I am that I haven't updated in two months. Like seriously, I'm groveling right now lmao. I've had so many issues with this chapter, between hating it, and then hating Justin, and then losing what I wrote and trying to remember it all. SIGH. But I'm back, and I promise I'll try my best not to take this long again. I hope you guys can forgive me! I so appreciate everyone that's been reading, so I hope you stick with me just a little bit longer. LOVE YOU GUYS! -Ash
17 >> System Overload
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I’m in love with you but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home
The morning after Rie’s heartbreaking breakup with Justin, she awoke to a sunny Sunday, where everything she remembered about the night before seemed to be magnified by two. She trudged down her steps, wrapped up in a hoodie and sweats, and found her way to her kitchen, where the voicemail light on her BlackBerry seemed to be taunting her. But instead of taking heed and listening to them, she turned the thing off and began to make herself some coffee.
She opted for her home voicemail instead, where she had two old messages saved from her mother. The night after Tina died, Rie listened to them nonstop for hours, as it was all she had left from her; the only sound of her voice she had to hold onto. It comforted her then, and she only hoped that it could help comfort her now.
She went to her answering machine, pressing a series of buttons to get to the saved messages, and waited for her mother’s voice to fill the room.
“Hey sweetie,” the message began, “I know you’re in Fiji this weekend, but I had to tell you… I was in LA today for my treatment and guess who I saw. I’m at the Beverly Center and on the escalator in front of me? Will Smith! Just looking scrumptious. And oh, he was just so sweet, Rie. You know how much I love me some Will,” she chuckled faintly and continued gushing adamantly. “Oh, he was so sweet, taking pictures and joking with everyone. I wish you could’ve seen him, Rie. So sexy,” she happily sighed into the phone. “Anyway darling, give me a call when you’re back in town, all right? I met a doctor at Cedars-Sinai that’s available, so we’ll set up a date, okay? Hey, maybe I’ll get to see you married before I die,” Tina laughed. Rie never found her mom’s jokes about dying particularly funny, but hey, that was how she rolled. “I’ll see you soon, sweetie. I love you.”
Rie had begun crying less than halfway through the message, as she missed her mother and her silliness more and more as time went on. But she smiled as it ended and went on to the next one; this one just a few days before she passed.
“Rieeeee, it’s your mama. Just letting you know, I talked to my friend at the LA Times. She says you’re in, you just gotta send her your portfolio, so do that for me, okay? Her email address is Tiffany-dot-Ryan at L-A-Times-dot-com,” she explained slowly. “And also, for the love of god, call Justin, please. He didn’t do anything but get you to pay attention. Trust me, he’s worth the trouble, okay?”
Through her tears, Rie laughed at the irony in her statement as her mother pledged her love for the last time. To think, at that time, all he’d done was kiss his ex-fiancée. A few months later, he’d now pulled the ultimate betrayal, and there was no voicemail from her mother telling her how to handle that. All of a sudden, her mother was gone, and the voicemail prompts were reminding her that she had two choices: she could repeat the message and stay stuck in the past, where she hadn’t been hurt; or she could move on with her life and listen to her new messages, accepting that she had. She opted for repeating them.
So you never know, never never know
Never know enough till it’s over love
Till we lose control, system overload
Screamin’ no, no, no, no, no
As her messages came to an end for what seemed like the hundredth time, her doorbell rang, forcing her to put herself out of her misery for at least a moment. Sluggishly making her way to the door, she frowned at the sight of Jacqueline peeking through one of her windows. Swinging the door open, she greeted her with a sullen, “Hey.”
“Hi,” Jac grinned. “I, um… I’m sorry for dropping by unexpectedly, but I called and kept getting no answer, so I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” she stated stoically.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
She stared at her friend for a moment, glowering over her jet black hair wrapped in a sloppy bun at the top of her head. Her designer shades covered her light green eyes, and her lips were chapped and pale. Rie continued staring, down to her purple plaid shirt and black leggings, internally criticizing her for being so skinny when Rie was standing there feeling so fat and unwanted. Even if she knew she wasn’t fat, she always felt that way next to Jacqueline.
“Where have you been?” she finally blurted out, accusingly.
Jac was clearly frowning at the question as she began stumbling over her words. “W-wh-what are you talking about?”
“I mean all this time, all these months! You never once stopped by before when I wasn’t answering your calls. Why now?”
“Well…” She looked down to the doorstep and then back up at Rie as she licked her lips. “I dunno,” she shrugged.
“That’s not good enough,” she began to close the door, but Jac stopped her. “What?”
“Rie, I’m really sorry. I disappeared probably when you needed me most, and I’m wrong for that, but I’m trying to be here now.”
“Tell me why.”
“Jealousy,” Jac shrugged again. “You were getting all comfy and cozy with Justin, and then when your mom died, you completely latched onto him, and I was just feeling… I dunno. You took Jess’ best friend, he took mine, so we latched onto each other I guess.”
“I needed you,” she acknowledged, looking her in the eye. “And more importantly, I needed you to know that I needed you. Like, yeah… I shut you out, and that was stupid of me. But I was never out to replace you, Jac. I needed to be away from the things that reminded me of my mom. And I’ve known you almost as long as I’ve known her, so yeah, you were included when I tried to get rid of the rest of the world, but never once did I think you would just… go.”
“I’m here now, Rie. And I can be whatever you need me to be.”
“Yeah, now that Justin is gone, you wanna waltz in like nothing happened.”
“Now that Justin is gone, I know that you need me again.”
Rie sighed tiredly, not at all in the mood to handle this. “I don’t have it in me to fight you,” she replied, taking a step back to allow Jac into her house.
“I was counting on that,” she smiled, strolling through the hall and into Rie’s kitchen. She took a seat at the counter, where Rie had all her phones situated beside her coffee. “Waiting for a call?”
“I’m, umm… waiting to hear back about a job.”
“Really, Rie? On a Sunday morning?”
Rie had to laugh at the ridiculousness of her little lie, and then looked back up to Jac. “I just like to watch the phone ring when he calls,” she admitted. “Seeing his name and picture pop up on my BlackBerry? Like… that’s all I get now.”
“Or you could answer the phone.”
“Definitely not.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well what’s the point in leaving him if you’re just gonna be miserable?” Jac pressed.
“I don’t know!” Rie shouted back. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t trust whatever it is going on in his head, and I can’t be with him that way.”
“So you’d rather be without him.”
“Yes,” Rie retorted.
“Well… the key is to get to know people; to trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust who we want them to be and then we’re disappointed when they’re not. That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is that he did this,” she yelled again.
“Love hurts, Rie.”
“No,” she shook her head slowly, staring idly at her fingers. “Love isn’t what hurt me, because love didn’t sleep with Jessica Biel or break me into a million little pieces. I can’t blame love for that, because Justin did it. Love just made me think he wouldn’t.”
Jacqueline gave her friend a sympathetic stare, wishing that she somehow had the capacity to undo it all. She had spent so much time being jealous of Rie that she didn’t realize just how far her friend had fallen. “Do you hate him?”
She shook her head quickly this time. “I don’t think I could ever hate him.” She sighed heavily before taking a long sip of coffee. “But he so completely fucked me up with this.”
“Could I make a suggestion?”
“Only if it helps.”
“Two weeks,” Jac proclaimed. “Just take two weeks to revisit you, who you are, where you were going before Justin came along; to figure out who you’d like to be at the end of this,” she went on. “You put your life on pause to become Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, and I think you need to go back to Rie Torrey for a while.”
“I put my life on pause because my mom died,” she corrected her. “Justin just happened to be a part of the healing process.”
“And are you all happy and whole now?”
“Pshh, not even close,” Rie rolled her eyes.
“Then just take two weeks.”
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
See I wanna move but can’t escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don’t have to know
>>>>>>>>>>
“You look happy,” Justin noted as Jessica came meandering into the kitchen in a bathrobe and a smile.
“And you look sad,” she countered, offering him a sympathetic grin. “Are you okay?”
Justin just shrugged, because he knew he wasn’t. “I could certainly afford to be better.”
“Could you be worse?”
He nodded, ever-so-slightly. “I always try to keep that in perspective. It can always be worse.”
“Do you wish you hadn’t told her?”
“No… she definitely needed to know,” he rationalized as his gaze zeroed in on the kettle of hot water sitting on the stove. “I could never be happy with a lie burning a hole in my relationship.”
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
I can’t keep my cool so I keep it true
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she looked up at him.
“I mean, my little secret was creating this distance between us, and we were just filling it with these tense moments and awkward silences, and it’s just better that she knows the truth. We would’ve just been pretending otherwise anyway.”
I got something to lose so I gotta move
I can’t keep myself and still keep you too
With a sigh, Jessica turned for the refrigerator, peering into it as if it had the words she was searching to reply with. “You ever get tired of being perfect?” she finally questioned. “Or at the very least, that holier-than-thou bullshit attitude?”
“Excuse me?” he frowned back at her.
“I am so sick of you looking down on me every chance you get, Justin. As I recall, two of us were there that night, fucking things up, so why you get to act like you did some amazing service to yourself by telling Rie, I don’t understand.”
“I’m not trying to act ‘holier-than-thou,’” he retorted, his small eyes narrowing at her. “I’m trying to help you avoid the mistakes I made; maybe learn the things I should’ve learned from Talis.”
“Bullshit,” she rolled her entrancing green eyes at him.
“It’s not bullshit, Jess. The longer you wait, the quicker he’s gonna walk away,” he explained vehemently. “And trust me, there’s nothing sadder in life than to watch someone you love walk away after they’ve left you. Watching the distance between your two bodies expand until there’s nothing left but empty space…” he trailed off, thinking of that Valentine’s night with Rie two weeks prior. “Just… empty space… and silence.”
“Jus,” she sighed.
“So I don’t care if you think I’m picking on you, or being overly judgmental, or whatever it is you’re mad about. If you give a shit about your relationship, my advice, until you take it, will be to tell Ryan what’s going on.”
“And what if he leaves anyway?”
“Well,” Justin shrugged, “then he leaves anyway. But at least your conscience is clear. And then it’s up to you not to let him go. If you’re that scared that he’s gonna leave, then boom “ you’re on, there’s your cue. It’s time to give a shit.”
So I keep in mind when I’m on my own
Somewhere far from home in the danger zone
“I can’t watch him walk away,” she replied, shaking her head sadly. “I don’t know how you did it, but I can’t do it.”
“Why are you so sure that he won’t stay?”
“You didn’t.”
“Well you know what? It’s just something you’ll have to go through and get over,” he answered seriously. “People aren’t flawless; sometimes they fall short. You fell short, yes. But conversely, they sometimes step up and rise above themselves and do the unexpected. Maybe he’ll surprise you, Jess.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
“Then he doesn’t! And I’ll be here for you if that’s the case,” he promised. “But life is funny and unpredictable and can push pretty hard, but if you push back, you’re likely to discover that the person you love has decided to love you back. And just maybe… he’ll surprise you.
“I don’t know…”
“Jess. You have to tell him.”
How many times did I tell you before it finally got through?
You lose, you lose
“Hey,” I say nervously, managing to catch Ryan as he’s coming down the staircase. The sunlight from the window above us casts a haloes’ glow over him, and I almost immediately want to cry.
“Are you okay?” he questions, looking more like Justin than I’ve ever cared to admit.
I nod, though I know my face says otherwise. “Can we talk?”
“Okay, clearly it’s bad news,” he guesses.
I bite my bottom lip and look towards the top of the steps. “I think we should talk in private.”
He obligingly turns and heads back upstairs towards our bedroom with me following closely behind. Timidly, I close the door and shut my eyes as I lean against it. “It is bad news,” I confirm.
“I’m a big boy, I can take it,” he claims.
That’s great and all, I’m just not sure that I can. “Yeah…”
“Well all right.”
I exhale sharply and begin to stutter out an apology. “I’m-I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Jess, it can’t be that bad,” he encourages. “Unless you’re gonna tell me you just had sex with Justin downstairs,” he chuckles in a ridiculously painful twist of irony.
I look at him guiltily before my eyes begin darting around the room and finally land on th floor. Fuck, I hate guilt. I mean, obviously this is my fault, and if I hadn’t made the mistake, none of this would be happening. Sure, do no harm seems simple enough “ you enter a relationship and you do everything in your power not to fuck it up. But everyone slips somewhere along the line, I guess. First, harm happens, and then guilt happens, and then you’re fucked; because there’s no handbook about how to deal with guilt. And it never goes anywhere on its own, it just brings its friends, doubt and insecurity. So now I’m standing here, all guilty and insecure, and I still haven’t even admitted anything yet. I’m just staring, guiltily.
“Jessica…”
“I did sleep with Justin,” I croak out, swallowing hard after my admission.
“What?” he frowns. “While I was in the shower?”
“No, it was… a while ago.”
“When?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“When, Jessica?”
“In January. When I went to New York.”
He glares at me for a long while and begins to shake his head. “And I knew “ didn’t I ask you? I knew when you got back that there was something wrong with you.”
“I know.”
“And then you let me invite him here? And had me hanging out with him all the fuckign time,” he begins to shout.
“I’m sorry.”
“And I assume this is why he and Rie broke up?” I nod shamefully as he scoffs. “So I’m the last to know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck you, Jessica.”
“I honestly never meant to hurt you “ I just… I dunno.”
“You’re fucking selfish as hell,” he says sternly.
“I know.”
“And I knew…” He shakes his head as his blue eyes bore into mine. “I knew you were in love with him, but I attempted this anyway. I tried to make you happy, tried to get your mind off of him, I tried to be your one,” he explains. “Because… I dunno. I thought you were too good to waste your time on some asshole that didn’t give a shit about you. But here I am doing the same thing, so who am I to try to save you from anything, huh.”
“Ryan, I know I fucked up, but I honestly do care--.”
“Save it, Jessica. I’m done being your backup plan.” He looks to his suitcases and then looks back at me before turning back to the door
“Please don’t leave.”
“Why? Then you and Justin can be alone together,” he retorts harshly. “Or are you two not happy together unless you’re fucking with other people?”
“Please don’t do this,” I whisper.
“You did this.”
“And I’m sorry.”
“Give me one good reason to stay.”
“Because you’re right,” I shrug. “He doesn’t give a shit about me “ not the way I thought I wanted him to, anyway. And I don’t plan to spend my life chasing some dream I don’t necessarily want to come true. Because I found something real and I cannot afford to let you walk away.”
“And what brought you to this stunning revelation?”
“I dunno, I just… I guess I realized that my love for Justin came from a place of envy.” I look down to the floor again, as my epiphany materializes into actual words. “Six billion people “ six billion souls walking the earth’s surface, and I was filling the holes in my life by wanting the one I couldn’t have. And meanwhile, this amazing man “ you “ came along to show me that I wasn’t…” I have to pause, because I feel myself about to cry, and I’ve been so determined not to let him see me crack.
Ryan’s looking down at me, but he seems unaffected. I feel like he’s slipping away.
“People think a soul mate is this perfect fit,” I go on to say, “and that’s what we all go around searching for. But the truth is, at least for me, a soul mate should be a mirror; the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back; the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life for the better. A true soul mate smacks you awake and tears down your walls “ the ones you’ve so tragically put up yourself “ the high, thick ones without doors or even holes. And that’s who you’ve been to me.
Justin’s my friend, and he always will be, but I don’t think he could ever attempt to love me the way you have. He’s that person to someone else, and that’s fine. I still love him, but he’s not who’s gonna save me from myself. You are. You woke me up and stood me at attention, and I… love you, Ryan. I love you in a pretend to like your taste in music, let you have the last pancake, finish your laundry and your sentences type of way. I love your smile, I love your intuitiveness, I love that you’ve tried so hard to love me, and I might literally die if you ever stopped. And yes, that’s an exaggeration, but I love you in a way that allows me to say the most embarrassing things without conviction, or even a hint of irony. And so I hope you’ll understand that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have. I am so, so sorry for what I’ve done, but please don’t leave me. Please.”
He seems to be internalizing my little soliloquy as he stands across the room staring at the floor, and in the silence, we can hear Justin’s footsteps in the hallway. Ryan looks at me unyieldingly and says, “Jess… I respect the shit out of you for putting that out there, but…” He shakes his head and then makes a funny sound with his lips. “I ca”I “ I mean, you’re amazing. And you’re beautiful, and at the heart of it all, I know you’re a great person, but… you’ve got too much baggage. I just don’t have room for you in my life if they’re coming with you.”
And that’s when Justin knocks on the door. “I’m heading to the store; do you guys want anything?” I don’t answer, because I’m too close to losing it, and Ryan is too busy gathering his own bags, so Justin knocks again.
“Ryan, please don’t go,” I whisper shakily. I foolishly reach out to grab his arm, but he doesn’t allow me to hold on.
When he swings the door open, Justin is standing there, dumfounded at the sight of Ryan’s suitcases. “Hey man, you leavin’?”
Ryan doesn’t reply, but disappears down the staircase. I cover my eyes with my left hand, because I can’t bear to watch the distance between us turn into empty space. I still try to keep myself from showing my tears, but as the front door slams, and I know Ryan’s officially gone, I let myself sob. Because I did this, and there’s absolutely no one to blame but me.
So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
“Jess?” Justin comes in, presumably to console me, but I back away before he reaches me. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Please, just go.”
He keeps coming towards me, and tries to pull my hands from my face. “Jess, look at me.”
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shout through my tears. “Leave me alone.”
Keeping your love locked down
Your love locked down
“It’ll be all right,” he presses. “This isn’t--.”
Since he won’t listen and keeps advancing towards me, I punch him in the chest, hoping he’ll get the message. “Go away, Justin!”
“Fine,” he relents. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
“I won’t.”
Now keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose
>>>>>>>>>>
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
I bet no one knew I got no one new
It had been two weeks since Rie and Justin broke up, and as she promised to Jacqueline, she used that time to rediscover herself. And what she discovered was that she missed Justin terribly. She missed his voice, she missed his laugh, she missed his hands and how they so perfectly spanned the small of her back. She missed his kisses and his wit and how when he really smiled, both rows of his fucking flawless teeth lit up his face.
She saw that face in her dreams at night, and even worse, in her thoughts throughout the day. Every now and then, she got the urge to take the twisty trek though the Hills to his house, just to see if he was there. He’d called almost everyday since they split, leaving hangup messages on her voicemail, and she wanted to badly to answer and tell him that all was forgiven. But she’d made a pledge to herself to two weeks, and she kept it.
But now, two weeks had come and gone, and with all her anger pushed to the side, she could willingly admit that she missed him. So much so that she found herself maneuvering those winding hills that she hated, just to stop by his house and tell him that.
Know I said I’m through but got love for you
But I’m not loving you way I wanted to
Nervously, she pulled up to his ostentatious gates, entering the numeric codes to gain access inside. Climbing his mile long driveway, she considered turning around and forgetting about it altogether, but she figured if she made it this far, she might as well keep going. Chances were, he’d probably seen her car by then anyway.
It wasn’t until she was sitting at the top of his driveway, directly behind his white Rubicon that she realized this might have been a huge mistake. She could picture him sitting there in it, with Jessica, laughing at some inside joke, as they usually did, and she noted that it was going to be hard not to hate them for a while.
Nonetheless, she fearlessly stepped out of her car, taking a sweater with her to shield the slight March chill, and went to the front door. She hesitatingly rang the doorbell and waited for an answer.
Eventually, Rachael’s voice came over the intercom. “Hey Rie, it’s Rachael. I’ll be there in a second, okay?”
“All right,” she feigned a cheerful tone. Now, her heart was pounding, because she wondered if Justin told her to answer. Was it possible he didn’t want to talk to her? Had he actually been avoiding her as much as she had him? Were all those calls to say that he never wanted to see her again? All his cars were sitting in the driveway, so she knew he had to be home.
As these thoughts ran dangerously rampant, the door swung open to reveal Rachael, with wet hair and sweats thrown on, followed closely by Brennan. “Hi,” Rachael smiled.
“Hi,” Rie returned. She bent down quickly to pet the Boxer below her. “And hello to you, lady. I haven’t seen you in ages!”
“She’s missed you,” Rach noted, her Southern drawl melting her words into each other. “How’ve you been?”
Rie nodded vaguely. “Not bad, I guess… Not all that good either.” They shared an awkward laugh as Rie stood up again. “How’s Justin?”
“Pretty much the same,” she chuckled. She sounded a lot like Justin’s mother, Rie realized.
“Is he avoiding me?” she whispered.
“No, no. Not at all,” she turned back to the house. “Come on in.”
She began following his cousin inside before asking, “Are you sure he’s all right with this? I don’t wanna intrude.”
“Oh, please. You know you’re welcome here,” Rachael waved dismissively. “But he’s not here this weekend anyway; he went to Mexico with Jess for her birthday or whatever.”
“Oh…” Rie stopped in her tracks as her expression visibly fell from semi-happy to inimitably pissed.
“Yeah, I know…”
“Well. Good for him…”
“He’ll be back on Tuesday if you wanna come by then…”
Rie winced, not wanting to be rude, but finding it really hard not to be in light of this new information. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m just gonna go.”
“I understand, girl.”
“And could you do me a favor?”
“Don’t tell Justin you came by?” Rachael guessed.
“I know your loyalty is with him, but I would really appreciate it.”
“I won’t say anything,” she promised. “But for what it’s worth, we miss having you around, so… just for my sake, I hope you decide to come back,” she laughed.
“Honestly, I’ve missed you guys, too. But… your cousin, man.” She was shaking her head again and looking around the house. “I can’t keep going one step forward, two steps back; and he seems to like it that way, so…”
“No, I know. But he doesn’t mean any harm, he’s just… damaged goods.”
“I know,” Rie nodded. “But so am I, and he keeps kickin’ me around, shattering the pieces a little more every time. I just don’t have a lot left.” She looked to the door longingly and decided that it was time to go. “I should get outta here.”
“You sure? You don’t want some coffee or orange juice, or whatever that weird white juice is that you and Justin liked to drink?”
Truth be told, Rie just wanted to do a nice Rambo flip out of the window, but she calmly declined. “I appreciate it, but I’m just gonna go.”
“All right, well… it was good to see you.”
Rie nodded and opened the door. “You take care, all right?”
“You too, Rie.”
She exited the house, gusts of wind hitting her as she reached her car, and she realized that tears were being wisped down her cheeks. She shook her head, entering her Jeep, knowing that all she was doing now was trying to keep her head above water. Because she was so close to drowning in frustration at this point.
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
Where I wanna go, I don’t need you
“You did this,” she told herself out loud, turning on the car. “He wanted you, you walked away. You can’t be mad, Rie.” She reminded herself of that as she rolled back down his mile-long driveway, and out of his ostentatious gates. “This is what you wanted,” she repeated, taking on the curves and bends of Mulholland. “You can’t be mad.”
I been down this road too many times before
I’m not loving you way I wanted to
But the simple fact was that she was mad. She was mad at herself for giving up, and then giving in. She was mad at her mom for leaving, and her best friend for not staying. She was mad at Jess for finally thinking of herself at the most inopportune moment, and she was mad at everyone else for not telling her about it.
And Justin… God, what wasn’t she mad at him for. He had the gall to like her in the middle of all his shit, and then he went and fell in love with her. But not before sleeping with the one person in Hollywood she ever gave a shit about. And that cut her deep enough, but just when she was foolishly ready to look past it, he twisted the knife and went away with Jess. Yeah, she was definitely mad. And as she reached the pass at Mulholland and Cahuenga, she came to realize just how mad she was.
So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keeping your love locked down, your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down, your love locked down
“I HATE YOU, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!” she shouted at the top of her lungs. The car shook at the volume of her voice, her tears smeared across her face. And there it was, all the pain she tried so desperately to keep locked away. “I FUCKING HATE YOU.”
And although she knew she was lying to herself, she sat there and cried anyway. For all the mistakes she’d made, and all the losses she’d endured, and all the things she wished she could take back She cried as the turning light went from red to green and back to red. As the cars began to pile up behind her and she threw on her hazard lights, she cried. And despite trying to talk herself out of being mad about the situation, she certainly wasn’t about to pretend she was anything less than sad.
Now keep your love locked down
You lose
Lyrics: "Love Lockdown" - Kanye West (808s & Heartbreak)
Live, From New York by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay, I know I'm seriously sucking with these updates, but I so appreciate you guys reading. It won't be soon before long for the next one, because I really like it! Oh, and Happy Holidays, everyone! -Ash
18 >> Live, From New York…
As winter dwindled into spring, Rie found that the best way to deal with life was to not deal with it at all, so she did everything in her power to keep herself as busy as possible, and away from the city of Los Angeles. She couldn’t bear the possibility of running into Justin, or even Jessica, knowing that their tastes and their circles, and most dangerously, their hangouts had now been intertwined. So she jetted off to New York for an extended stay.
Jac had gotten a spot as one of the models on Project Runway, and Rie subsequently got the opportunity to do the photography for SNL, so they were sharing the expenses of living in the city for the moment. However, little die Rie know, she would be in for a couple of surprises after getting situated with her new job. One of which was that Justin had just purchased an apartment in the city, thereby proving that she could run, but hiding was a virtual impossibility.
Her other surprise came when she entered the makeup room at SNL on her first day of work. It was the Wednesday before the live show and Rie was preparing for her first photoshoot with the host and musical guest. This particular week, Britney Spears was pulling double duty, and there she was, sitting in the chair, getting her beautification on when Rie walked in. But if that weren’t ironic enough, none other than Talis Nixon was the artist doing the job.
All of Justin’s exes in one room. Talk about fucked up. And just to twist the knife a little bit more, Rie couldn’t figure how it came to pass that she was the only one who managed to be cheated on by Justin, whereas the other two did the cheating while they were with him. She just had to pause when she entered this potential clusterfuck.
“Knock, knock,” she finally allowed herself to interrupt and introduce herself to the room’s occupants.
Talis turned, completely stunned to see Rie, but smiled coolly. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Rie grinned back. “Just wanted to say, ‘Hello,’” she directed to Britney, extending her hand. “I’m Rie; I’ll be doing the shoot with you.”
Oblivious to the tension filling the room, Britney smiled innocently in reply. “Oh cool, nice to meet you,” her twang warmed the air. “Talis was telling me she wanted to go really light with the makeup, if that was cool with you.”
Rie nodded, gazing at Britney’s face, covered in foundation. “Yeah, we wanna stick to the shimmer, like on the eyes, maybe that green you have on now,” she instructed Talis. “Because that first suit she’s wearing has that lime piping, right?”
Talis nodded as well, nervously taking direction from her ex-archenemy. “Okay. And then I was thinking the gold for that white dress with…” She gathered a palette of lip gloss to show Rie, pointing out two different shades in peach and bronze. “And then these on the lips.”
“I was tellin’ Talis that I wanted to stay away from pink ‘cause it washes me out,” Britney inserted, looking up at the two.
“So we were gonna do some of the warmer colors,” Talis appended.
“That’s fine. Just keep in mind the backgrounds are gonna be the spring colors, like the yellows and greens and blues.”
“Oh yeah, no we got it,” Talis confirmed.
“Okay, well we’re setting up the first shot now, so whenever you’re ready,” she told the pop star.
“Cool,” Britney smiled again, just as a hairstylist began to remove her curlers. “See ya soon.”
As Rie turned to make her quick getaway, Talis made sure to tell her, “It’s good to see you, Rie.”
Rie absolutely could not say the same “ she probably wouldn’t have even taken the job if she’d known Talis would be her coworker “ but she smiled back, at the very least. “Keep up the good work,” she grinned awkwardly before escaping the makeup room altogether.
>>>>>>>>>>
Hours later, after Rie’s fabulous photoshoot with Britney had ended, she decided to sit in on rehearsals along with several other crew members. She’d been chuckling through a skit where Britney was portraying Paula Abdul, when Talis took a seat next to her.
“You got some great pictures,” she told Rie as if it were new information. “Nice job.”
She glanced at Talis hesitantly, but eventually accepted the praise. “Thank you.”
“So was this, like, a one time thing, or are you here permanently?”
“Indefinitely,” she answered quickly. “And Justin and I broke up, so you don’t have to sit here and pretend to be my friend,” she quipped. “Or try to get information out of me, or whatever the fuck you’re doing.”
“Well I figured as much,” she began. “Since it’s ‘rumored’ pretty much everywhere. And also, because no one would take a job out here when Justin’s back in LA for no reason. No one leaves Justin by choice.”
Rie smirked knowingly, realizing how much it sucked that Talis was completely right about that. “You got me there,” she conceded.
“So what happened? You cheat on him, too?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she chuckled awkwardly.
“So you did,” Talis confirmed for herself, just before she began to laugh quietly to herself. “And the last time I saw you, you made yourself out to be such a saint.”
“Talis--.”
“Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
“Actually--.”
“I mean, after Justin kicked me out, it was rough. I didn’t have a dime to my name. Jess was wrapped up with Ryan, and I couldn’t stay there; my parents said I was too old to come home… I had to move in with my baby sister and her roommates,” she laughed. She was actually on the verge of tears, as she so often tended to be, but she’d also learned to laugh it off. “That’s why I’m here. My nineteen-year-old sister was all I had in the world.” After shaking her head for a moment, she revealed, “I’ve only had this job about a month. I just signed the lease for this little one bedroom on the lower east side that I can barely even afford.”
“My, how the mighty have fallen,” Rie commented sadly.
“Cheating on Justin was the dumbest thing I ever did. What was I thinking?”
“Yourself, I’m guessing?”
“Oh girl, come on “ you know you miss being Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, too.”
“Well… I wasn’t with him long enough to reap the rewards of his fabulous life,” Rie countered, “so I guess I wouldn’t know.”
“All right, you think I’m shallow,” she simpered. “That’s fine, whatever. It’s hard starting over.”
Rie nodded in agreement and softened her glare. “It’s rough out there, so… good for you for getting back on your feet,” she submitted. “I was really upset with Justin when he cut you off.”
“Why? ‘Cause he wouldn’t transfer it to you?” she rebutted dismally.
“Listen, I don’t know if you’re just being funny or what, but I’m really not like that, and I wish you would stop implying that I am.”
“I’m sorry, I just use sarcasm to cover up the bad stuff.”
Rie nodded again, and stared at Talis for a while. Even in all her self-proclaimed “bad stuff,” she appeared absolutely flawless to the naked eye. Her hair had grown out a lot since the last time they’d seen each other three months before “ or maybe it was a weave “ Rie couldn’t tell. Her makeup was nonexistent, but she had a glow about her that certainly wasn’t there with Justin. And she was forced to finally come outside of her Louboutins and throw on some Levis, so she was dressed down in jeans and a vintage Coca-Cola tee. Rie definitely already liked this version of Talis better than Justin’s version.
“You don’t have to smile all the time,” she offered Talis.
“Well… honestly, it’s better than the alternative.”
Rie took her words to heart with a slight and slow nod. “Well, I think I’m gonna get out of here,” she began to rise from her seat. “I guess I’ll… see you next week.”
“Nice to have you aboard,” she saluted.
Rie quickly pulled on her jacket, found her iPod in her purse, and hoisted her camera case onto her shoulder, getting ready to head out for the subway station. Just as she was about to exit the row they’d been sitting in, Talis stopped her.
“Rie!” she called out.
She instinctively glanced at the stage to make sure no one was paying attention and then her eyes landed on Talis. “Yeah?”
“This is probably a silly ass question, but would you like to go get some dinner together?” she inquired hopefully. “I know we’re not friends or anything, but I would really love to just get off work and hang out with someone over the age of twenty-one.”
Rie’s first impulse was to say, ‘Hell no, bitch,’ but she imagined Talis must have felt pretty low if she was asking her out anywhere. She appeared so desperate for someone to give a damn. So Rie did.
>>>>>>>>>>
“What are you doing here?” Justin greeted his mother, returning to his Hollywood home after a round of golf. He pulled her into a tight embrace before taking a seat adjacent to her at his kitchen table.
“Well, I haven’t seen ya in a while, and I’ve been worried about you.”
“You worry too much,” he grinned boyishly.
“And you don’t worry enough,” she retorted. “Where’s Rie?”
“I dunno,” he answered sadly.
“Where’s Jessica?”
“I dunno,” he repeated.
“See what I mean?”
“It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” he admitted. “I dunno.”
“You don’t know what?”
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Regarding…?”
“Regarding Rie. And Jess, I guess.”
“Well, what I do know is that you two were just getting started, and then I hear you broke up “ no thanks to you, of course. Now would you like to enlighten me as to why, or should I wait for Entertainment Tonight to tell me that as well?”
“Mom,” he sighed.
“Don’t ‘mom’ me.”
“You’re not gonna like it,” he revealed honestly, staring at the top of her new brown hair.
“What did you do?”
“I…” he exhaled heavily before deciding to just blurt it out. “I had sex with--.”
“Ohh, lemme stop you right there,” Lynn laughed awkwardly. “I am sorry I said anything.”
“Mom, this is pertinent to the story.”
“I don’t wanna know the story, sweetheart. I’m sure you’ll work it out.” She began to hop up from her seat, but Justin stopped her.
“Just listen,” he beseeched. “I could really use a smart person here.”
His mother closed her eyes in slight disgust, but let him continue. “Go on, Justin…”
“Okay,” he sighed. “So I had sex with Jess, pretty much right after me and Rie decided to be exclusive. And then, I didn’t tell her about it until a month later, so… suffice it to say, she hates me,” he inserted a chuckle. “And then we have Jess, who… told me she was in love with me, which is basically why I slept with her, I guess, and then I pissed her off by going back to Rie in the midst of it. And then I told her she had to tell Ryan, and now he hates her as well, so…”
“So now the four of you are just a hostile, non-talkin’ bunch,” Lynn finished for him.
“Basically. Yeah.”
“Oh, Justin.” She exhaled heavily and stared into her baby’s baby blues. She didn’t know how to sugarcoat this one, so she didn’t even try. “This is all your fault, you know.”
“I know.”
“You can’t treat people this way, Justin. And you can’t fix everybody, you can’t keep trying to please and appease everybody, because you just end up breaking them in the end.”
“I know.”
“And why you thought you could be in a relationship so soon after Talis is just… it’s beyond me,” she shook her head. “I mean, what goes on in your head?”
“I don’t know.”
“Justin, god knows I love you, but I am--.”
“Okay, here’s the thing. And I know it was crazy to be engaged one month and in love with someone else the next. But…” It was his turn to shake his head now. “All I know is, one day, it was raining. And then I met Rie, and then… it stopped. Just like that,” he snapped his fingers. He stared down at the floor contemplatively for a moment and finished, “I thought that was all I needed.”
Lynn nodded knowingly and attempted to soften her tone. “Well, I know you don’t want it, but sometimes, you need a little rain too, Justin. That’s how things “ how people grow.”
“I was doing just fine without it.”
“You’ve been very blessed, Justin, to not have a life full of tragedy--.”
“I’ve had my tribula--.”
“Don’t interrupt me,” she cut him off. “I’m not saying you haven’t had your share of pain. I know you’ve had your heartbreaks along the way, but you always bounce back and do just fine, like you said. I’m talking about true devastation.”
“Okay…”
“That girl’s mother died,” she reminded him sternly. “From cancer, right?”
“Yes.”
“So you think about how you would feel if that happened to you,” she instructed, “and then what you would do if someone dragged you through what you’ve had her go through.” She paused to let him think for a moment and then continued, “I mean your mood swings are bad enough, but to sleep with your best friend? And then lie about it? And now you’d like to sit here and sulk because she hates you? Justin, please.”
“I’m not sulking!” he defended. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”
“Well what have you done?”
“I’ve called her a million times. I went to her house, she was never there, so I kept calling, even though she never answered. And I waited, because everyone told me I had to. They said to give her the obligatory month or so to kind of let the angry parts fade away, so I did. I went to Mexico with Jess and Ryan, which I shouldn’t have done, because they ended up breaking up too, thereby making life extra awkward. And then, I come back and Rie is gone,” he sulked.
“Gone?”
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Her neighbor told me she was putting her house up for sale, and she hasn’t been there in three weeks, so… I don’t know what to do.”
“Hmm.”
“I think she’s done.”
At that point, Rachael, who’d been lounging in the living room, decided to finally inform her cousins of her presence. “Hey, y’all,” she puttered into the kitchen slowly.
“Hey, sweetie,” Lynn greeted her with a quick smile.
“Hey, Rach,” Justin added. “Could you, umm, give me and my mom a few minutes?”
“Well that’s why I came in, I heard y’all talking,” she began, “and… I think maybe I should tell you this.”
“Well what is it,” he frowned.
“Rie came by. While you were in Mexico,” Justin’s eyes lit up at her words, so she kept going. “I think she was coming to patch things up, maybe, but then I told her you were in Mexico with Jess and she got kind of upset, so…”
“What the fuck, why didn’t you call me? Or at least tell me when I got back?”
“Well, she asked me not to say anything,” she shrugged. “I didn’t think she’d leave LA!”
“Fuck, Rachael, you should’ve told me!”
“Justin, calm down,” Lynn directed. “If she didn’t want you to know, she didn’t want you to know.”
“Yeah, but she’s my damn cousin,” he combated. “I should be able to trust her to tell me shit.”
“Justin, stop it.”
“I really am sorry, Jus. If I had known she was gonna peace out on you, I would’ve said something sooner,” Rachael offered. “She’s really, really hurt though.”
“I think I know that, doofus.”
She rolled her own light blue eyes at him and shook her head. “Whatever. You’re bitter; I get it.”
“Do you know where she is?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie, Rachael.”
“I’m not! I honestly don’t know.”
He sighed and looked over to his mom, who was carefully watching the two of them. “Would you call Jessica for me?” he directed back to his cousin.
“She doesn’t wanna talk to you.”
“Which is why I asked you to call her,” he shot back. “What is with the attitude today?”
She didn’t answer, but pulled her phone from the pocket of her dress and speed dialed Jess’ cell. “I just think it’ll be good when you stop acting like what you want is the only thing that matters.”
>>>>>>>>>>
“Was it all my fault?” Justin asks me. It’s painfully obvious he’s avoiding looking me in the eye. Instead, he appears to be staring at my ear or something.
“Yes,” I answer, my arms crossed over my chest.
“I can’t believe we --.” He pauses to ponder for a moment. “What were we thinking?”
“Of ourselves.”
“We really screwed this one up, huh?”
“Majorly,” I agree.
“Are you mad at me,” he asks innocently.
“Yes.”
“Why?” I stare at him with lack of amusement or intent to reply, so he presses for an answer. “Jess, say something.”
“You probably haven’t noticed, but I don’t wanna be here, Justin, so please just tell me what you want so I can go.”
“So what, are we, like, done being friends now?”
“I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t my friend, Justin. I just “ I want Ryan back, and the more I’m with you, the less likely that is to happen.”
“I see,” he replied sadly.
“I don’t mean to be mean,” I assure him. “I’m honestly just not in the mood.”
“Fair enough,” he surrendered. “I just wanted to know if, by some odd chance, you knew where Rie was. I know it’s a long shot, and you probably wanna kick my ass for even asking, but I had to ask, just in--.”
“She’s in New York,” I finally cut off his incessant ramble.
He gazes at me disbelievingly. “What?”
“She’s in New York,” I repeat. “City.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Can I leave now?”
“Wait, how do you know that?”
“Jac told me.”
“What’s she there for?”
“I don’t know!” I raise my voice, causing the small crowd at The Coffee Bean to gawk at us even more than they were before. “I don’t know,” I say again, softer this time. “To be honest, I don’t care.”
“Do you care enough to maybe… take a trip to New York with me?”
“Justin,” I shake my head and run a napkin over my lips. Then I stand from the table and begin to put on my jacket.
If I were a boy
I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
“Jess, come on.”
“Have you heard anything I’ve said?”
“I need you right now.”
“Well where the fuck were you when I needed you!” I shout.
“People are looking at us,” he quietly reprimands.
“Where were you when I needed you?”
“I never went anywhere, Jess.”
“When you slept with me and went right back to Rie, how do you think that made me feel, Justin?” Before I can start to cry, I throw on my sunglasses and pick up my purse from the side of my chair. He stares up at me for a long moment, not realizing that his silence speaks volumes. “I guess that means you never were there.”
I’d listen to her, ‘cause I know how it hurts
“Jess…”
“I gotta go.”
When you lose the one you wanted ‘cause he’s taken you for granted
“What are you doing running after some man that clearly doesn’t want you?”
“You’re such a fucking asshole,” I retort.
“Well, that is what you’re doing, you know.”
“If I went with you, I’d just be doing the same thing,” I shrug.
And with that, I left the small café, hiding my tears from Justin, as usual, and praying to god that this one doesn’t make headlines. I honestly don’t even think I can handle anymore.
And everything you had got destroyed
>>>>>>>>>
Rie yawned loudly as she promenaded through Union Square with her newest friend, Talis. It had been a little over a week since they’d been reacquainted, and Rie would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy Talis’s company. Awkward moments aside, they each appreciated the fact that they could laugh at just about anything. And on days like today, where things weren’t going quite as well as they wanted, they liked to drink until they couldn’t feel feelings anymore.
“I hate Friday nights,” Talis commented as they headed for Rie’s apartment. “Or at least, I used to until you came along.”
“So what, I saved your life?” Rie smirked, beginning to search for her keys in her sea of a purse.
“Ho, don’t flatter yourself. You saved my Friday nights,” she repeated. “Not having to spend them with my sister and her obnoxious friends is such a welcome change.”
“I love how you act like your ass isn’t obnoxious your damn self.”
“Girl, don’t get hurt in the middle of Fourteenth Street.”
The two of them laughed, but Rie quickly sobered up to say, “Honestly, though, I’m new to New York, so you’re doing me a giant favor, too.”
“Well hey, two hot single girls like ourselves should really be having lots of sex in the city.”
“I’m not lookin’ for sex,” Rie countered softly, making her way up to her building’s front door. “I’m looking for love now,” she finally was able to admit to herself. “Absolutely fucking ridiculous, can’t-breathe-eat-sleep-without-him love.”
“Awww, you’re a romantic.”
“The funny thing is, not really.”
“Yeah, the amount of free drinks you took tonight says you were looking for a fuck,” Talis chuckled.
Rie shook her head, letting her friend into her humble downtown apartment. “Well hey, it’s better than the alternative of, like, actually feeling shit.”
“Mission accomplished?”
“Not quite.”
“Rie. Honey. Whatever you did, you just need to let it go,” Talis encouraged, heading for the elevators. “One thing I’ve learned is that we all make mistakes. It’s fine; it’s inevitable. But it is not for you to beat yourself up over for the rest of your life. So just… you gotta let him go.”
Rie accepted her words and silently entered the elevator car, pressing the number seven. She closed her eyes as the doors closed, and in the midst of her inebriation, she could swear she felt Justin’s presence. While it could have been her five or six Cosmos causing the hallucination, she felt as though she actually smelled Justin’s scent lingering in the small encasement.
“You okay?” Talis interrupted her thoughts.
“I’m fine,” she yawned, opening her eyes to her floor. “Come on.”
“I’m just gonna pee real quick,” Talis announced. “I gotta head home soon, I need to be on set early.”
“Girl, I don’t know how you spend your entire Saturdays there.”
“It’s a paycheck,” she shrugged.
As Rie unlocked the door to her new home, she was met with a note at her feet. She picked it up to see that it had been scribbled on the back of a restaurant receipt and very simply read, I love you. I’m sorry. Without even thinking of the all capitals handwriting, or the fact that the receipt was from a restaurant near her home in Sherman Oaks, she knew it was from Justin, and she quickly stuffed the note into her pocket before Talis could notice.
“God, your apartment is so clean,” Talis noted, throwing her pea coat over a chair. “I’m jealous.”
Distracted, Rie hadn’t heard a word she said, and turned back to her friend in confusion. “Huh?”
“Are you really okay?”
“I’m fine,” she confirmed for the second time since they’d come in. “Yeah.”
Talis eyed her suspiciously, watching her expression turn to what seemed like panic. “You either had way too much to drink tonight, or not enough,” she chuckled.
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna have another glass of chardonnay. You want?”
“Yeah, I’ll have one real quick before I go.”
She scurried off to the bathroom, leaving Rie to her thoughts, and she pulled the note from her pocket to read it again. She didn’t quite know how to feel, realizing how close Justin was. Knowing that he cared enough to track her down again, after a month and a half of her doing everything she could to avoid him. After she’d resigned herself to hating him and never wanting to see him again. Perhaps proving that we all inevitably meet our destinies on the paths we take to avoid them. Was it possible that five little words, after she’d run the gamut of so many emotions, were able to make everything better?
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say it’s just a mistake, think I’d forgive you like that
No, of course not. A few words scribbled on a scrap of paper wouldn’t undo a thing. Hell, he didn’t even have the balls to hang around and wait for her to come back. It seemed that when he promised to stop being a perfectionist, he resorted to half-assing everything.
If you thought I would wait for you, you thought wrong
And just when she’d resolved that she was still angry, and probably would be for a long time, there was the knock at the door. She went to it immediately, secretly hoping it was him, while simultaneously praying that it wasn’t. And when she opened the door, her prayers were answered as Justin stood before her, for the first time since the last time.
“Hi,” he said hesitantly. He looked better than she remembered. His curly hair was freshly cut, his beard was thicker than usual, but well manicured, and his army green jacket hung so inexplicably perfectly over his t-shirt and jeans. Rie couldn’t help but be reminded of just how unfair life could be.
But you’re just a boy
She swallowed hard at his meek smile, closed her eyes, and shut the door in his face. “What the fuck,” she whispered in a frenzy, leaning against the back of the door. “What the fuck. What the fuck.” He knocked again, and she exhaled sharply. “Oh, what the fuck.”
You don’t understand…
“Rie…”
“What do you want?”
“Can we talk, please?”
“Talk,” she instructed.
“Without a door between us, maybe?”
“If you have something to say, you shouldn’t let a door stop you.”
“Fine,” he relented. “I didn’t come to make a big speech or anything, I just thought you should know that… I haven’t given up on you.” He sighed and decided to go on, though he had no idea whether she was even standing there anymore. “I think you should know that I love you without knowing how, why, or even from where. But I do. I “ I love you straight forward, without complexities or pride, and… I don’t intend to stop. You can change your address and your phone number, you can ignore my emails or even my face, but just know that… I’m not giving up.”
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
Rie squeezed her eyes shut as tears started to sting inside them; she clenched her jaw as her heart started to flutter, and she had to stop herself from saying something completely ridiculous in the heat of the moment. “It’s not gonna work,” she finally croaked out.
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Talis came strutting out of the bathroom at the exact wrong time, and wondered out loud why Rie was talking to herself. “What’s not gonna work?”
“Shit,” she whispered.
“Rie, you’re starting to scare me.
“Rie, let me in,” Justin demanded from the other side of the door.
“I let you in already,” she told him. “You blew it.”
“Who is that?” Talis frowned.
“I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “I swear to god, I am so sorry.”
“Is that Justin?”
“You need to go,” Rie announced to Justin. “Like, right now.”
“Could you please open the door?”
“Why is he out there?” Talis pressed. “What’s going on?”
“Not now, Talis.”
“Rie, talk to me,” he pleaded.
“Justin, I have company; you need to leave.”
“I’ll go if you just open the door.”
“If I open the door, I’m gonna punch you in the face, so I suggest you leave.”
“Rie,” Talis was still frowning. “What the fuck?”
“Rie,” Justin added.
“I’m sorry,” she mouthed to her friend. She turned around slowly and opened the door to the man that so desperately wanted to be let back inside.
The moment he was, Rie certainly kept her promise to punch him in the face “ and she didn’t even have to use a fist. For Justin, seeing Talis standing there was more of a knockout than anything he could have ever predicted. He had prepared himself for another man, maybe, or even another best friend of his. But he never once thought that Rie would open the door and he’d find his fucking fiancée staring back at him.
Until you lose the one you wanted ‘cause you’ve taken her for granted
“Damn,” he chuckled awkwardly, trying to hide the fact that he really, really wanted to kill himself right then and there. “I… umm “ I guess I’ll go now.”
And everything you had got destroyed
Rie kept a solemn face as she nodded and watched him turn to walk away. Just before he turned the corner, she called after him, “Does this mean you’re giving up?”
But you’re just a boy
He didn’t answer.
Lyrics: "If I Were a Boy" - Beyonce (I Am... Sasha Fierce)
Author's Notes:
Happy New Year! I just found out my little story was nominated at the NF.com Awards, so as a treat, I thought I would update! Thank you guys so much for all your feedback. Hope you enjoy this one. -Ash
19 >> Mercy
As Justin walked out of Rie’s life yet again, she was forced to turn and face the woman behind her, who had yet to figure out what the hell was going on.
“Rie?” Talis began to question her, not even sure where to begin.
“I know,” Rie shook her head in shame. “I’m so sorry for all of that.”
“Okay, but what was that?”
“I… He’s come back for me, I guess.”
“Why is he coming back for you? Aren’t you--.”
“He slept with Jessica,” she blurted out, fighting the urge to throw up at the words. “He slept with her while we were ‘together’ or whatever, and he finally told me like a month later. So I left.”
“You left him?”
She nodded sadly. “I didn’t really “ I couldn’t…” She sighed heavily, replaying that night of the wedding in her head over and over again. “I had to.”
“Why didn’t you “ Why did you let me think that you cheated on him?”
“I dunno,” Rie shrugged. “I thought “ I mean, I guess I figured you needed someone to relate to, so I just kept it to myself.”
“That’s so ridiculous,” she chuckled. “I mean, it was sweet, but so, so ridiculous.”
“I’m a little ridiculous sometimes,” she chuckled back.
“God, how “ I mean, why? After the way I talked to you? And how I just rambled on and on about how stupid ‘we’ were and just… I’m sorry, girl.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“No, I’m an idiot. And I can’t imagine how you must have felt to sit there, listening to me…”
“Talis, it’s fine,” she assured her. “Like I said, I needed a friend too, so I really didn’t mind. You helped me relate, I guess.”
Talis shook her head and finally took a seat in Rie’s living room. “I can’t believe he cheated on you.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“And with Jess?” Rie continued to nod while Talis attempted to get a grasp on all of this information. “I always knew, on some level, that she wanted him.”
“Yeah, and like a fucking idiot, I brought it up to her.”
“What did she say?”
“She denied it,” Rie rolled her eyes. “She stole my best friend, slept with my man, and then tried to act like the victim all the damn time. I can’t believe I ever liked that bitch.”
“Okay now, she’s still my friend.”
“Sorry. I just--.”
“No, I get it.”
“It’s just hard for me not to hate her right now.”
“Hell, I haven’t talked to her since I left LA, so I guess I can’t say too much,” Talis realized. “It’s so sad how… friendships “ they fade. When you meet someone, and form some kind of bond with them, you think it’s gonna last forever. And then something happens, and all of a sudden, it’s just… over.”
Rie silently agreed and finally decided to take a seat with Talis. “That’s why I always tried to avoid promising forever.”
“You can avoid saying the words out loud, but you know there’s always that little voice inside your head that’s hoping that this one will make it, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know… I don’t think I was made for long-lasting relationships.”
“Why not?”
“This whole thing with Justin? This was the first time I ever gave it, like, a real attempt. And I’m just not one of those people, I guess.”
“So you regret it?”
“I changed who I was for him,” she shook her head before resting it on the back of her sofa. “I mean, it was fun, of course. I was fucking Justin Timberlake, so how could it not be, ya know?”
“Mmhm.”
“But it was… I dunno. I mean, I used to be a cool chick, ya know? I used to hang out with the boys, and it was all about being wild and free and doing whatever I wanted. And I feel like Justin has kinda taken that away a little. Not him, but like, his life has got paparazzi following me on a regular basis, and I can’t do anything anymore. I feel a little stripped of who I was before I met him… maybe this is all for the best.”
“Well yeah, relationships are hard,” Talis submitted contemplatively. “You shave little pieces of yourself, and the other person chips away at you a little at a time, all to make yourself fit with them…”
“Right. Exactly.”
“You’re suddenly wearing Prada and going to premieres, and you’re taking flights at four in the morning to avoid your face ending up on the front page of some magazine your parents will see in the checkout line at Target, because your life has all of a sudden become their entertainment. You become spoiled, and you find yourself jaded. And all those pieces are so far gone that, eventually, you don’t even know who you are anymore.”
“Was it worth it?” Rie stared over at her intensely.
“Honestly?” she pondered. “For Justin, yeah.”
“Dammit,” Rie grinned.
“I wish I’d done so many things differently,” she woefully proclaimed. “I would do anything for a second chance…”
Rie quickly resorted to avoiding Talis’s sad brown eyes. “Maybe you’ll get one.”
>>>>>>>>>>
The moment Justin found out that Rie was working for SNL, he put his clout to good use and gave them a call over at NBC. It was too late for him to host the show, as they already had Jeremy Piven lined up for the job, but luck happened to have it that T.I. was the musical guest, and no one minded in the least bit that Justin would be featured with him. Except for Rie, of course.
Unfortunate for her, that meant she was forced to photograph him for the credits and such. But on the bright side, perhaps, at least she knew he hadn’t given up.
It was Thursday morning, and as usual, Rie entered the makeup room at Studion 8H in Rockefeller Center to introduce herself to the musical guest of the upcoming show, and prepare for their photshoot. With a venti cup of vanilla latte in one hand and a stack of photos in the other, she went directly to where T.I. was sitting, Talis standing right in front of him, and said Hello.
“Hi,” she grinned, flaunting her perfect white teeth. “I’m Rie, I’ll be doing the shoot with you today.”
“Okay,” he looked up to her, flashing his own version of an immaculate smile as his Atlanta accent melted every woman in the room. “Nice to meet you, Rie.”
“Likewise,” she nodded. “Now should I call you T.I., Tip, Clifford, Mr. Harris? What would you prefer?”
“Oh, you can call me anything you want, baby.”
Rie looked over to Talis, who was grinning just as widely as she had been. “Well okay, Mr. Harris. We’re ready when you are.” She thought it best to keep things professional.
“He didn’t even need any makeup,” Talis commented. “I don’t know why they sent him in here.”
“Clearly, somebody out there wanted me to meet the two of y’all,” he inserted suavely. “I need to start comin’ to SNL more often.”
“Next time, you should get in on the hosting,” Talis suggested. “Everyone says it’s a lot of funnn.”
“Nah, I ain’t down for that actin’ on live TV business,” he chuckled. “It’s only a select few people that can pull that off.”
Just as Tip completed his sentence, the door to the room opened, and in sauntered Justin, followed by his small entourage of Rachael and his publicist, Sonia. His eyes locked on Talis for a brief moment before landing on Rie, and a small smile formed on his small lips.
“Shit,” Rie whispered to herself. She glanced at Talis, and then back to T.I., wanting to excuse herself with as little embarrassment as possible. “Well… I’m gonna head out before it gets too crowded in here, but I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Lookin’ forward to it,” he smirked.
She attempted to scurry out of the door, but Justin made sure to block her exit in the most obnoxious way he could. He just stood there. “Hi Rie,” he greeted her, as if nothing was wrong at all.
She kept her head down as she waited for him to move, but responded quietly, “Hello.”
“Everything okay?”
“I need to get to work, could you move?”
“Fine,” he moved to the side, allowing her to squeeze by. “But you have some explaining to do,” he hissed.
“Fuck you,” she mumbled, strutting away from him.
“Does that mean you forgive me?” he called after her. With a mischievous grin, he turned back into the room, hoping that he was slowly but surely getting the best of her.
>>>>>>>>>>
“Okay, Mr. Timberlake, could you stand over here for me?” Rie instructed, pointing to T.I.’s far right.
“Where?” Justin pretended not to know what to do.
“Where you’re standing now? Move about three feet to your right.”
“Oh.” He purposely moved to his left, causing several of the crew members to laugh.
“Your other right, Justin.”
“Sorry,” he grinned. “This okay?”
“Fine. And then just stand back a little.” He moved back entirely too far, but at this point, Rie didn’t even care. “Now I want you both to hold your ties right at the knot, right hand over left.”
T.I. immediately did exactly as told, but Justin was intent on being completely difficult all morning. “Can you show me what you mean?” he requested of her. He knew she was annoyed, and that was exactly what he was going for. “Please?”
She left her camera with one of her assistants and walked up to Justin with pure impatience looming in her eyes. “Why are you doing this?” she demanded, harshly straightening his gray and blue tie. She paused when their hands touched for a moment, and regrettably, she felt sparks between them.
“What am I doing?” He licked his lips and watched her carefully as she worked.
“You’re making this really hard,” she swallowed visibly. She began to position his fingers over his tie and then tilted his face so that he could no longer see her.
“So are you,” he simpered.
“Stop,” she instructed with raised eyebrows. Luckily, the music in the room prevented everyone else from hearing their conversation, but she still felt so vulnerable there, with everyone standing there watching them. “Please.”
“Just take my picture.”
Sighing, she moved over to Tip, who’d held his pose, and tilted his head the same way she had with Justin. She stepped back into her territory and began to snap pictures of the delicious duo, trying to keep her focus on her job and not on Justin.
“Now Mr. Timberlake, rest your arm on Mr. Harris’s shoulder, like this,” she demonstrated, lifting her elbow. As she watched Justin’s intense blue eyes settle on her, she called for one of her assistants. “Leslie, could you get me a pair of sunglasses for Mr. Timberlake?”
“Sure, what kind?” the gopher asked.
“What is Mr. Harris wearing?”
“Dolce Gabbana.”
“Ummm. Okay. Let’s go with Gucci for Mr. Timberlake then.” The assistant nodded and quickly left the room just as Talis came in, so Rie put everything on pause for a moment. “Boys, we’re gonna take five, okay? Hey,” she turned to Talis.
“How’s it going in here?”
“Girl, I’m about to lose it.”
“Don’t let him get to you. He’s good at that.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“You need anything?”
Rie shook her head and rolled her eyes. “No, I just got Leslie to find me some shades for Justin so he can stop looking at me like a nutcase.”
“They look great,” Talis noted, referring to Justin and T.I.
“Yeah, they do…”
“Have you heard any of their rehearsals?”
“No, I’ve been avoiding this place like the plague since I found out Justin was coming,” she scoffed. “I did Jeremy’s shoot in less than two hours yesterday.”
“Why don’t you just talk to him?”
“You don’t know how much it hurts to see him right now, T.” She took a quick glance over to Justin, where he was laughing with T.I. and some of the crew, and her expression fell from irritated to miserable.
“I don’t know? Really, Rie?”
“Well I guess you do, but… it’s different!”
“Listen, Rie, I really like you. But if you don’t stop this bullshit, I’m gonna have to kick your ass.”
“I didn’t even do anything!”
“Exactly,” Talis quipped. “You’ve got your second chance and you’re shitting all over it.”
“But--.”
“The awful truth is, everyone hurts you at some point or another. You just have to decide who’s worth the pain.”
“Ugh, stop being so profound,” she rolled her eyes.
“Stop being so stupid.”
As the assistant returned with the pop star’s Gucci shades, Justin approached Rie from behind, tapping her on the shoulder. “Hey,” he said casually.
“Yes?” she turned around.
Ignoring Talis, he quickly pulled her away from the crowd of everyone else and demanded in a harsh whisper, “What are you doing with her?”
“She’s my friend,” Rie frowned. “She needed a friend.”
“Are you crazy?”
“She’s a good person,” she defended adamantly. “She’s a good person, who made a mistake. She didn’t deserve what you gave her.”
“Oh, but I did deserve what you gave me?”
“I haven’t done anything to you, Justin.”
“You’re doing it right now!”
“You’re an idiot,” she stated factually.
“So you hanging out with her just to hurt me isn’t--.”
“Boy, nobody is tryin’ to hurt you,” she laughed. “Your ego is fucking ridiculous!”
“Then what is this, Rie?”
She shrugged helplessly and turned from him. “Like I said, Justin, she just needed a friend.”
“And you had to be that friend?”
“Yes.”
“You’re killing me, you know.”
“Yes.” She shoved his sunglasses onto his face and pushed him backwards to the spot she needed. “Just let me take your picture.”
“Have dinner with me,” he eagerly proclaimed.
“I can’t.”
“I insist.”
“Shocking,” she sarcastically mocked him.
“Rie, come on.”
She rolled her eyes, wishing she had the power to decline, but she paused and eventually said, “Fine.”
“I knew you wanted me.”
“Where, Justin?”
“Shit, right here and now if you really wanna go there,” he quipped flirtatiously.
“Where for dinner.”
“My apartment,” he stated evenly. “I’m at Four-Fourteen Washington.”
“I’m gonna say ‘Hell no’ to that, but if you have a nice public restaurant in mind…”
“Fine, I’ll see you at Scalini Fedeli tonight, nine o’clock.”
“Fine.”
>>>>>>>>>>
At 9:02 PM, Justin entered the swanky restaurant and was quickly directed to where his dinner companion had supposedly been waiting. He was almost disgusted to see Talis sitting at the table instead of Rie.
“This is bullshit,” he mumbled, immediately turning for the exit.
Talis popped up from her seat and made a beeline for him, standing directly in his path. “Please don’t leave,” she pleaded.
“What are you doing here?”
“Rie sent me,” she revealed cautiously.
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. She… umm… She wanted me to have my second chance.”
“And what makes either of you think--.”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t come here for that,” she chuckled, lighting up the room with her smile, as she always did. “I wanted to talk to you about Rie.”
“What about her?”
“Can we sit? Please?”
Justin stood there, staring at who was once the love of his life, in all her flawlessness. After all these years, the sight of her still made him weak sometimes. “Okay.”
They took their seats and stared across the table, avoiding one another for several awkward moments. Finally, when she couldn’t take the silence anymore, Talis decided to speak up. “So what happened?”
“I’m sure your new best friend has already told you. Why are you doing this?”
“I wanna hear your side.”
“I don’t have a side,” he shrugged. He sat back in his seat and began to play with his napkin. “I fucked up.” He looked up, his eyes full of guilt, and scoured the dim restaurant before stopping on Talis.
“Imagine that,” she smirked.
“I didn’t come here for a lecture, Talis.”
“I didn’t come here to lecture you. I assume you already hate yourself enough.”
“Well. Yeah,” he answered with a chuckle, raising his eyebrows.
“Justin, I know I fucked you up with one stupid mistake after another, so I do hope you know that I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” he waved off dismissively. “I made my own mistakes, so…”
She nodded.
“But Rie is a good person, all right? So… whatever it is you’re doing with her, just… I hope you don’t fuck her up.”
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“What are you planning?”
“Nothing, Justin! I genuinely like her,” she chuckled. “Hell, I need her.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to gauge her sincerity. “You’re up to something.”
“No.”
“You are.”
“When did you become so cynical?” she shook her head.
“When my fiancée left me for a bartender.”
“Justin, I told you I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” he conceded softly with a sigh.
“I’m not here to hurt Rie. At all. I was feeling so small, and so insignificant, and so helpless. And when she walked into that room at SNL, I felt so… relieved. I dunno,” she shrugged. “She’s been a godsend,” Talis finished, looking at him fixedly.
He took a deep breath and began to look around for a waiter. Before he knew it, two were standing in front of him.
“How may I help you, sir?”
“Yeah, I need a drink,” he nodded. “Could I get a black velvet?”
“And for you, miss?”
“I’ll have a Disaronno and Coke.”
“All right. And are you ready to order?”
“Umm. Yeah, sure. Are you ready, Jus?” He nodded, so she went ahead and ordered. “I’ll have the eggplant parmesan,” she decided immediately.
“I’ll have the same,” Justin nodded. “And could I get a side of plain linguine, covered with fresh garlic and butter?”
“Certainly, sir.” The waiter received their menus and quietly disappeared while Talis stared fondly at Justin.
“You remembered,” she grinned.
“How could I forget,” he scoffed. “That ghetto ass apartment you had, with no air conditioning, that electric stove, and it’s the middle of June, you’re trying to make some damn eggplant parmesan,” he chuckled. “And then you drowned that spaghetti in garlic butter.”
“I know! I was trying to be like Dan Tana’s,” she cackled. “And you ate it all, too.”
“Well, it was the first time you let me in your apartment. I didn’t wanna be rude.”
“You were so nice to me back then,” she reminisced happily. They stayed silent for a long moment, both of them remembering their good times together, until finally, they spoke at the same time. “Justin, I love you.”
“I miss you, Talis.”
“I miss you, too.”
“I love you, too.” He couldn’t believe the words had come out of his mouth, but it was true. It was hard to imagine that almost six months had passed since they were supposed to be walking down the aisle together, but in spite of it, while his love may have faded, it certainly hadn’t disappeared.
“I knew it,” she shook her head. “I knew it and I didn’t do anything about it.”
“What could you do?”
“I could’ve fought for you,” she retorted. “I shouldn’t have taken no for an answer. I could’ve “ I should’ve tried, every day for the rest of my life, until you forgave me. If you didn’t love me anymore, okay; but you did. And I should’ve known that you would’ve forgiven me, and that it would’ve been okay. I should’ve tried harder, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“So you do want your second chance,” he realized.
“No,” she cracked a smile. “I just “ if there’s one piece of advice I can give you, it’s if this is something you really want, fight for it. People make mistakes, but this is the part that matters. This is the part where you learn from it and make up for it, and that’s okay. The best things in life… you gotta work for.”
“Why are you doing this?” he wondered. “Why aren’t you plotting some scheme to overthrow Rie and get me back?”
She chuckled at the fact that he apparently thought she was such a conniving bitch these days. “Because. Like I said, Rie helped bring me back to life. And in spite of everything, you… you’re still the best, Justin, and you deserve your happy ending.
Even if it’s not with me.”
He had to soften at her honesty and her blatant vulnerability. “I was so mean to you after the wedding...”
“You were low,” she dismissed with a comforting smile. “I get that. I know it didn’t mean that you didn’t care.”
He nodded.
“But I do hope you can eventually realize that I’m so sorry, Jus.”
His eyes locked with her beautiful face, and for the first time since he found out she left “ since the moment she ran from their wedding via Mercedes Sedan, taking his heart along with her “ he felt peace. He could look at her without hate stirring or hurt surfacing. It seemed that, perhaps, he’d gotten his heart back. And for the first time since six months ago, he was able to openly say, “I forgive you, Talis.”
>>>>>>>>>>>
Hit the beat and take it to the verse now
Yeah, yeah, yeah
It had been a long week for Rie, to say the least, and she was more than relieved when Saturday finally arrived. The show had gone off without any major glitches to report, and the afterparty, which she was strongly encouraged to attend, was underway. She had done everything she could to avoid Justin since she stood him up at dinner the previous Wednesday, but it appeared that her luck had run out.
“Hey you,” he announced from just behind her.
Rie actually wanted to turn around, especially when she began to feel the heat from his body radiate to hers, but she was trying so hard not to give in...
I love you
But I gotta stay true
“Rie,” he pressed, tilting his head to try and get a glimpse of her face.
She kept walking and turning any way she could so that she could ignore him. Just when she thought she had successfully escaped, he called her out.
“Yo, Adrienne!” he boisterously greeted.
She turned sharply and walked towards him. “WHAT?” she answered through gritted teeth.
“You’re really good at this evasive shit,” he noted. “But you can’t play me like that and expect to get away with it.”
“I played you?”
“Sending Talis to dinner?” he reminded her. “That was dirty.”
“I just couldn’t do it,” she shrugged breezily. “What do you want from me?”
“I want my second chance.”
“What, you think I owe you something?”
“At the least, I think you owe yourself. I’ve forgiven Talis, now it’s your turn.”
“So what happens, Justin? I open my arms and welcome you back and everything’s hunky fucking dory?”
My morals got me on my knees
I’m begging please, stop playing games
He stared at her for a moment before settling on a response. “…Yeah.”
“Stop stalking me,” she told him seriously. “For real. This is all useless.”
“So when you asked if I had given up, you weren’t just a little sad when you thought I had?”
“Not really.”
“You’re a liar,” he shook his head.
“No, I think you’re the liar in this relationship,” she retorted quickly.
“You know what your problem is, Rie-but-really-Adrienne?”
“No, what’s my problem, Justin-but-really-asshole?”
“Good one,” he chuckled sarcastically. “Your problem is that you’re a fucking coward.”
“Oh, I’m a coward?”
“Yes, you are,” he nodded. “You’re so afraid to put yourself out there, so afraid to stick out your neck or your ass and possibly get a little bruised, in exchange for something that could be really amazing. You’re afraid to realize that life is a fact, Rie, and people do fall in love, and people do have relationships, and people do belong to each other, because it’s the only chance any of us have for real happiness. You’re too scared to find out that, ‘Holy fucking shit, I give a damn about something other than myself. I actually care about this motherfucker and I don’t wanna let him go, even though he fucked up.’”
“Fuck you,” she spat, beginning to turn away from him.
“You wanna act like some hipster free spirit bohemian whatever-the-fuck-you-are, like you don’t have a care in the world, and you just… it’s so painfully obvious that you do. You’re so worried that someone’s gonna tie you down, make you commit, stick you in a cage, but you’re so guarded that you’ve built your own cage, put up your own walls. And those are the worst ones. Because now, no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”
I don’t know what this is, but you got me good
Just like you knew you would
She appeared to be nodding, but he couldn’t tell whether it was in agreement, or disdain, or if she was just staring off into oblivion. “Rie, say something.”
I don’t know what you do, but you do it well
I’m under your spell
“I hate you.” She was on the verge of tears all of a sudden.
“I love you,” he answered.
And now, those tears had spilled onto her cheeks. “I love you back.”
“I know.”
“Take me home with you.”
He looked around the room quickly before staring back at her. “Are you s”.”
“Yeah, can we go now?”
“Absolutely.”
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won’t you release me?
April showers had taken over the city of New York as Justin and Rie made their way over to his TriBeCa apartment. They didn’t even wait for security and such to handle the job; they just hopped in a cab and hoped for the best.
Their impatience carried them throughout the cab ride and into Justin’s building, where they absolutely couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, making out like teenagers and groping one another like they were drunk, though neither one of them had more than a glass of wine throughout the night.
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won’t you release me?
The urgency they displayed made this seem more like a torrid love affair than a reunion of two people in love. And Rie liked it better that way. This wasn’t about love, even if she was in it. She wanted to pretend she wasn’t. She didn’t want to worry about who would be hurt in the morning “ no one seemed to think about that when it was her feelings in jeopardy. It had been so long since she felt good “ since she felt the way Justin made her feel “ that that was all she really wanted. To fuck him and not think about the consequences of tomorrow.
I said release me
She loved every singular sensation that he provided, like the way he slightly trembled as he swiftly unbuttoned her jeans and unclasped her bra. She loved the feel of his fingers running along the center of her spine, and the way his big hands swept her hair away from her neck so that he could place kisses against it. And god, the feel of his lips. They were so soft and so small that it felt like a ticklish tingle whenever they came into contact with her skin. She drew in a deep breath and held it, anticipating his next move as she bit her lower lip.
I don’t know what this is but you got me good
Just like you knew you would
As his hands found her hips, and began to peel her skinny jeans from her unskinny waist, Rie realized that he was in control and she hated it. She had given in, as much as she tried to avoid it, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop him. Not when he was kissing her like that, she couldn’t. Not with the way he ran his tongue over her nipples, teasing them with just the right amount of bite. Not when she could feel his throbbing dick through his jeans, basically knocking on her door, begging to be let in. Not when his hand was reaching between her thighs, exploring every crevice she had to offer. Yeah, he was definitely in control, but even in spite of it, she couldn’t have been more satisfied in that very moment. She knew she'd get it back eventually.
I don’t know what you do, but you do it well
I’m under your spell
>>>>>>>>>>
The following morning, after all had been said and done, Justin awoke to what he thought would be an amazing day. It was the Sunday morning after a successful night on SNL; Rie had come home with him, making it an even more triumphant evening; and hopefully, they were about to spend the day together, continuing where they left off.
He was slightly disappointed to find that she wasn’t wrapped in his arms the way they fell asleep, but he shrugged it off and removed himself from bed. “Now I now your lazy ass isn’t cooking,” he smiled tiredly, throwing on some sweats before heading to the kitchen of his huge loft. “So what are you up to?”
He entered the living area to find it completely empty. Their clothes weren’t even strewn across the room anymore, though he was pretty sure that’s how they left them the previous night.
Figuring she was either in the bathroom or laundry room, he trekked backwards towards his bedroom, searching for any sign of her. He quickly realized that the apartment was silent.
He ran a confused hand through his curly brown hair and let it fall over his frowning face. “Rie, are you here?” he questioned loudly.
No answer.
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won’t you release me?
“Shit,” he mumbled, heading back for his bedroom. He immediately grabbed his BlackBerry from his nightstand, hoping that she’d at least left one of her infamous voicemails for him, saying she just ran to Starbucks or something. No such luck.
All he’d received was a text that he assumed was from her new number: I can’t. I’m sorry.
Speechless, he turned off the phone and crawled back into bed.
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won’t you release me?
I said you better release me
Lyrics: “Mercy” “ Duffy (Rockferry)
I Decided, Pt. 1 by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay, chicas, last chapter starts now! It'll end on some other day lol, but for now... enjoy! -Ash
20:1 >> I Decided, Pt. 1
I don’t know why, but my story always seems to begin and end the same way. Meet a boy, listen to Justin, lose the boy. The details change here and there, but the chapters usually end up with me being alone.
I really thought “ or at least, wished like hell “ that this time would be different. But here I am, spending another weekend alone. Friday night, I went out with a few girlfriends and we spent the evening singing Single Ladies to one another. It was more fun than it sounds, but still, it was just a reminder of just how single I was. Last night, I watched Justin on SNL, seeing that no matter how low he gets, he’s still sitting on top of the rest of the world. Depressing. Now, it’s Sunday morning, and I’m making breakfast for one. How fucking pitiful.
Standing at my stove, I can see a black Lexus, identical to mine, pull into my driveway, and my heart drops to my stomach, because I’m imagining that it’s Ryan, but I don’t really know how that could possibly be true, so I contain myself.
But then I see that it is Ryan, and when he walks through my door, without knocking “ just like he used to do, it puts me at ease, oddly enough. Mostly, I hope that he plans to keep on doing it.
“Hey,” he announces tentatively.
He’s staring at me with those boyish blue eyes and I immediately melt. God, I hope he’s here for something good. “Hey.”
“Did you get my message?”
“The one where you didn’t say anything?” I nod and begin to wipe my hands on a dishtowel. “You want something to eat?”
“No… I umm “ I just ate.”
“Oh.”
“How’ve you been?” he wonders cautiously.
“Good enough,” I shrug, even though that’s not quite true. “Miserable,” I eventually append, not wanting to lie to him anymore.
Now he’s nodding. This is sufficiently awkward.
“How about you?”
“I’ve missed you.”
I smile weakly, gazing at him like I’ve never seen him before. “Is that why you called?”
He nodded.
“Does this mean you’re coming back?” I question hopefully.
“I should have never left,” he answers quietly.
“You had every right to…”
“I was an asshole.”
“I was the asshole,” I insist. “I asked a lot out of you.”
“And you had every right to,” he submits.
“I didn’t--.”
“Everyone needs something… to find something,” he says, walking towards me. “Everyone is cracked and broken, and everyone has to find that something to fix them; give them what they need; make them whole. And… I think that’s what I was sent here to do.”
I swallow hard just as tears began to spill onto my cheeks. “Really?”
“Did you mean what you said in Mexico? That I’m your soulmate?”
I nod again and bite my lip. “I love you,” I say quietly.
“I love you too, Jess.”
He moves closer and I instinctively pull him into a hug, entangling my arms and my heart and soul with his, and a calm seems to immediately fill the room. You guys, I think this may actually be it. A happy ending. Or at least, a new chapter with a different beginning.
I’ll take it.
>>>>>>>>>>
As dejected as Justin had been feeling about Rie turning him into a one night stand, he still couldn’t bring himself to give up on her. He texted her back, knowing she wouldn’t reply; he called, knowing she wouldn’t answer, he dropped by her apartment, knowing she wouldn’t buzz him inside. Oddly enough, he didn’t mind so much. If it meant that he was slowly pushing past her angry armor, he would stalk her for as long as it took.
It was just after 2 p.m. when Rie entered her apartment building, returning from an art exhibit. She noticed Justin sitting in the lobby as soon as she walked in, but he hadn’t seemed to notice her yet, so she inconspicuously waited for an elevator in a corner where she couldn’t be seen.
And Justin, with his unending bad luck when it came to Rie, looked up just in time to see her disappear onto the elevator. Knowing he didn’t have the patience to wait for an elevator, he shot over to the staircase and met her on the seventh floor.
“You are not making this easy, you know,” he huffed, as he’d just raced his way up seven flights of stairs. He caught her while she was unlocking her door.
“No one said it would be easy,” she shrugged.
“Why’d you leave?”
“I told you. I just couldn’t stay.”
“Then why’d you fuck me?”
“Because I wanted to fuck someone,” she answered evenly. “Obviously.”
“So is this how it’s gonna go now? You’re gonna turn into some cold ass bitch that’s gonna break my heart because I broke yours?” His breathing had resorted back to normal, and now he was standing as close to her as humanly possible, daring her to walk into her apartment without him. “Is this you not giving a fuck?”
“Justin, move,” she demanded, brushing his presence away.
“Why won’t you forgive me?”
“Well I planned to, but you were off in Mexico with your little girlfriend.”
“Rie, it was her birthday,” he sighed. “What did you want me to do?”
“I dunno, Justin, not go? With everything going on, why would you even want to go?”
“Because she’s my best friend,” he intimated. “That didn’t stop just because you and I broke up.”
“Good to know.” She finished unlocking her door and begrudgingly let him inside. She rolled her eyes and let out a big sigh at the mess her dear roommate left for her. “This fucking girl,” she mumbled.
“Damn, what hurricane ran through here?” Justin marveled, noting the scenery. Clothes were strewn across the small living room, dishes stashed in every corner of the even smaller kitchen, and several bags of trash met them at the front door.
“That would be Hurricane Jac,” Rie muttered in irritation. “I never realized that living with her would be the equivalent to moving into the city dump.”
“Well. My apartment’s clean.”
She turned to him with a frown and then began going through the mail on her kitchen counter. “And?”
“And… if you’d just forgive me, you could hang out there anytime you want.”
“Justin…”
“You could move in if you wanted to,” he added with raised eyebrows.
“Are you joking right now?”
“Hell, I will buy you an apartment. A townhouse in LA. Whatever you want, just please…”
Rie dropped her handful of envelopes and glared at him. “Now you’re gonna try to buy me? Really?” she impugned.
“Rie, I’m not--.”
“Don’t you dare throw your money in my face like that, Justin. I swear, I will beat you within an inch of your life,” she threatened angrily. “I am so serious.”
“I’m sorry,” he stated sincerely. “Seriously.”
She went back to going through her mail and ignoring him. “Whatever.”
“I just wanted to share with you.” When she glared at him again, he shrugged innocently. “You know, or not…”
“I don’t like you,” she announced dryly, pulling off her jacket.
Justin watched her throw it to her loveseat and decided to sit down himself. Getting completely comfortable, he grabbed her remote and turned on the television. “Just last night, you said you loved me.”
“I lied so you would sleep with me.”
“No, you’re lying right now.”
“Oh right, you’re the expert in lies,” she retorted absently.
“You lied first, Adrienne.”
“I’ve always told you some version of the truth.”
It was Justin’s turn to roll his eyes now. His attention drifted back to the television, where an infamous Glade commercial was currently airing. “You’re like this Glade woman,” he commented distractedly. “Lying about useless shit.”
“I resent that! That bitch is a pathological liar.”
“Exactly,” he agreed. “I don’t even know how she has any friends. All she does is lie to them, acting like she knows how to bake, telling her husband she does laundry. Glah-day,” he scoffed. “The fuck is that shit…”
Rie had been sifting through her mail, ignoring bills and anything for Jac, but she froze when she received a letter from one person she never expected to hear from. Ever. It was from her father. “What the hell?” she whispered. Immediately, she began to frown at the large envelope with his chicken-scratch handwriting scribbled across it.
For most of Rie’s life, it had just been her and her mother. There were a few years where her grandmother was a big part in her life, but after she passed, Tina had been the only influence worth mentioning. She knew nothing of her father except his name, that he lived in London, and that he hadn’t been around since she was four. Her mother never spoke ill of him, so despite the lack of communication, she didn’t necessarily have any bad feelings toward him, but she certainly didn’t have any good ones.
She couldn’t imagine what he must have wanted after twenty-two years of nothingness, and she didn’t even want to know how he managed to track her down, but she had to admit that she was eager to find out.
“Rie?” Justin realized that she had zoned out of their mindless argument.
Ignoring him, she tore open the large yellow envelope and pulled out another envelope “ this one much smaller and purple in color “ as well as a piece of paper. Frowning, she noted that the handwriting on the purple envelope unmistakably belonged to her mother, so she quickly dropped it, unsure of what the hell was going on.
“Rie, are you all right?” Justin turned around to see that her face appeared immobile in shock. “Rie?”
She glanced over the words her father had scribbled over the remaining sheet of paper:
Adrienne,
This is from your mother. She said to make sure you got this if anything happened to her.
Take care,
Timothy
She was still frowning and still so confused over everything, staring at the words her mother left for her: My Love was what she had written on the envelope. Ironically, long before Justin ever came into their lives, Tina always adored that song of his. She loved that two little words could say so much. It was so simple. And her daughter certainly had been the love of her life.
Rie sighed heavily, debating with herself over whether or not to open it. She wasn’t sure she was ready for whatever would be inside. Not when she’d already been an emotional wreck over Justin. This, whatever it was, just might send her over the edge.
“Rie, what’s wrong?” Justin approached her, slightly alarmed by her silence.
Finally, she looked up at him. She had panic written all over her face, so she didn’t have to say a word.
“What is this?” he questioned demandingly.
“I don’t know.”
He, too, glanced over the note from her father, and then at the envelope, and then back at Rie. “Who’s Timothy?”
“My dad.”
“Seriously?” She nodded and he looked back to all the papers on the counter. “Wow, I thought he was, like, dead. Or something.”
“Might as well be.”
“Rie--.”
“Oh yeah, I never mentioned that part. I have daddy issues as well,” she nodded. “God, how much more fucked up could I be.”
“Rie, don’t do that.”
“You need to go.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d rather be alone.”
“I don’t think you should be.”
“I need to be,” she maintained.
“You’ve been alone, and that didn’t get you much of anywhere, so why don’t you try something different,” he quipped, finally becoming frustrated with her constant defense mechanisms.
“Yeah well, I’ve been with you too, and that didn’t do shit for me either.”
“Rie, I am sorry.”
“Irrelevant.”
“Why are you doing this?” he shook his head. “Do you get some thrill out of shutting me out? Is it really that satisfying?”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
Ignoring her immature response, he began to pick up Tina’s letter from the counter, but Rie stopped him. “What?”
“Don’t touch my mother.”
“Rie, it’s an envelope. Not a person.”
“It’s all I have,” she replied sadly.
“Why haven’t you opened it yet?”
“I just don’t feel like it,” she shrugged. “Can you get up out of my business please?”
“What’s in here that you’re avoiding?” He slyly grabbed the envelope from her clutches and examined it.
“It’s nothing,” she dismissed, taking it back.
“It’s something.” He snatched it from her and then took her by the wrist, pulling her over to the couch. “She obviously wanted you to have it, Rie.”
“She obviously didn’t know that I would say goodbye before I received it and that I now can’t afford to read it.”
“Rie,” he looked her squarely in the eye.
She shot up from the couch again and began to collect the clothes that her roommate had scattered throughout the apartment. “I don’t have time for this.”
As she moved towards the back of the apartment, he opened up the letter, sealed in its violet envelope, and pulled out the matching paper, following behind her. “My darling Rie,” he started.
“Justin, stop,” she commanded.
He ignored her and went on. “I don’t have much time. Not literally, as in life time, but you’ll be picking me up for chemo soon, and my ever-punctual little girl, you’ll be before before I know it. But this is the last time you’ll ever hear from me--.”
“Please stop,” she began to beg, already tearing up at the words.
He took her hand into his and he stooped down to the floor, taking a seat against the hallway wall. Never letting go of her hand, he willed her to join him. “This is the last time you’ll ever hear from me, because now that I’m gone, I have only one thing left to tell you. No, it’s not to go to grad school, or to stick with the photography business. You’ll find your way “ I know that much.” He paused, watching her tears fall down her face, so he moved a little closer to her, squeezing her hand. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
“I miss her.”
“But if you can promise me anything at all, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith,” he kept reading, “that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. You, Adrienne Olivia Torrey, are exquisite.” She was sobbing already, so he gently moved her head so that it rested against his shoulder. “Exquisitely beautiful, exquisitely intelligent, exquisitely talented, and exquisitely unique. Trust me when I say this, and trust that you are equipped with the tools to be whomever you’d like.” He let out a sigh, as he was tearing up at Tina’s words as well.
“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. I apologize for that, because I never wanted to be that person. But, as you must know by now, you will have your heart broken probably more than once, and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast. And you’ll lose someone you love. Actually, you’ll lose several people you love, so cherish them while they’re here, Rie. And what I hope for you is that you’ll take too many pictures, and you’ll laugh too much. I hope you’ll love big and fight hard and live out loud. You deserve it; because to be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to change you is something you’ve mastered so beautifully.” Justin resisted the urge to start bawling right then and there, because it felt like Tina’s words were written specifically for him. It was hard to read, and it was hard to watch Rie listen, as she sat there squeezing his hand while tears crashed down her face. He couldn’t even imagine…
“Thank you for the honor of being your mother,” he read softly. “You made my life, Rie, and I’m just the introductory chapters in yours. I promise. I know that my absence is putting you through hell and back, but do not use this as an excuse not to rise to your potential. This is your life. Right now. And it doesn’t wait for you to get back on your feet.” He looked down and watched her wipe her face with one hand, her fingers still interlocked with his on the other. He squeezed it again and finished, “Remember that pain is a small, tiny, insignificant thing to a giant. You, my darling, are epic. I love you. Goodbye.”
She was on the verge of crumbling as his words melted into silence. The last words she would ever receive from her mother. She couldn’t believe it. She buried her face into his shoulder and just let it all out. “I miss her so much,” she cried out.
He turned so that he could give her a full hug, wanting to cry for her. Wanting to take away all that pain. Wanting to undo everything he did to make any of this worse on her. But all he could do was cry with her. He couldn’t take away the pain or undo the things he did. He just rubbed her back soothingly and rested his head over the top of her hair. “It’ll be okay,” he told her again. “I promise.”
And for an hour, he just let her cry.
>>>>>>>>>>
Once the tears had dried and Rie sobered up a bit, she moved to the other side of the hall, sitting directly across from Justin. “I feel naked.”
“I’ve seen you naked before,” he informed her as if she hadn’t known.
“Not like that,” she shook her head. “Why did you do that to me?”
“I thought…” he shrugged offhandedly and gave her an innocent glance. “I guess I just thought you needed it.”
“Does it ever stop being about you?” she sniffled. “I told you I wasn’t ready.”
“You needed it,” he repeated.
“How the fuck do you know what I need?”
“I don’t, Rie. But I think your mother does.”
“Don’t talk about my mother.”
“Why are you so damn mean all the time?”
“Why are you so damn annoying all the time?”
“I’m just trying to love you, Rie.” He rested his head against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “I know where I went wrong, but you refuse to let me make it right.”
“There’s no point.”
“Yes! There is!” he combated. “Seriously, what is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” she shouted.
“I mean, I tell you I like you and you’re okay with that. Somehow, you even managed to say it back without throwing up at the thought. But love…” he shook his head at the fact that she was so difficult sometimes. “Love, you run away from, so I say that I like you until I’m blue in the face, to the point where it doesn’t even mean shit anymore. So guess what, Rie? I love you. Like it or not, I fucking love you, and I’m sorry as hell for doing what I did to you, but I’m trying not to let it dictate the rest of our lives here.”
“We don’t have lives, Justin! We had three months! And they were great, but that does not a fairytale make,” she submitted eagerly. “And I didn’t run away from love, fuck you very much. I walked away because you hurt me.”
“Just like you always knew I would, right? Well love hurts, Rie. It’s gutwrenching and excruciating, and possibly the most masochistic thing anyone could ever do to themselves, but that’s how you know it’s working. And I’m sitting here dying, knowing that we’re so close to the good part, but you would rather keep hurting.”
“Why did it take everything falling apart for you to realize that?” she wondered. “Why couldn’t you fall in love with me when you had your shit together?”
“Because I very well may never have my shit together,” he replied. “And because you never will either. Like, I dunno, maybe you should go to life rehab or something… if they make that. Or we could just be broken together; content in all our fucked-upness. You know, you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect. We’re in repair, we’re not together, but we’re getting there. I thought that was the plan.”
“Just stop,” she shook her head. “I’m out of the broken business.”
“You’re just done. Over and out.”
“We’re done,” she nodded. “We don’t work.”
“We’re all… sandpaper and bare ass, huh.”
She couldn’t contain a chuckle at his analogy. “That’s gross, you know.”
“You’d be the ass.”
“We’re like Lennon and McCartney,” she reoffered sadly.
“They were amazing together, Rie.”
“Yeah, until they weren’t. While it lasted, it was great, sure; but then, they couldn’t even be friends.”
“That’s not us then.”
“Yeah, it is. Just on a much… shorter scale.”
“I’m not done with you, Rie.”
“Are you done with Jessica?” she asked hopefully.
“I can’t”I don’t… what am I supposed to say to that?” he chuckled sullenly.
“Yes or no.”
“Well… no.”
“I figured as much,” she nodded despondently. “And the thing is, I think I outstayed my welcome in your little world. It just wasn’t real--.”
“It is, though.”
“It wasn’t, Justin. I was dreaming “ and with dreams, something really amazing is always happening. But then something knocks you awake “ in this case, that would be you and Jessica “ and even though you’re not fully out of it yet, you’ve realized that you are, in fact, dreaming. And even when you’re utterly disappointed, you try to go back to dreaming anyway, just because it was so damn good, but it’s never quite the same once you realize that it’s not real.”
“…Yeah… I get that,” he nodded. “I completely understand that. But just… I’m gonna ask you this and I want you to answer it honestly. If you say No, then fine, I’ll walk away and you never have to see me again.”
“Okay…”
“If you could erase the one day where I fucked it all up, would I still be the guy you thought I was? Would you still be willing to fall?”
She stared at him for a moment, trying to think of a way to excuse herself from answering. “That was two questions.”
“Well if your response to either one of them is yes, then we’re in better shape than I thought.” He smiled that smile that had immediately melted her heart back in October, and then hopped up from the floor.
As he offered his hand to help her up, she finally brought herself to ask, “Justin… why did you choose me?”
“I didn’t choose you any more than you chose me,” he shrugged. “I’ve learned that people come into your life randomly, they leave randomly. And if they add something to your life, if they make it just a little bit better than it was, then all you can really do is hope that they stay.”
She nodded before looking down to the floor.
“So what’s your answer?”
“If we could erase it all, yeah, Justin. I would still think you’re the most amazing man on the face of the planet. Fucked up and all,” she submitted gingerly. “But you can’t just erase it. Because if you take away the bad, you have to take away the good, and what’s the point in that?”
Seeing the logic in her logic, he relented. “Fair enough.”
“So… I think you should go now.”
“I can’t chase you forever,” he stated softly over the top of her head.
She closed her eyes quickly, wanting to shut out his words “ that was never something she wanted to hear. But she should’ve known that one of these days, she will have pushed him just a little too far. “I’ve just been waiting on you to figure that out,” she feigned accordance.
“So… I guess this is goodbye.”
Rie nodded awkwardly and began to walk him to the door. “It’s been a pleasure… Mostly.”
He held her hand one more time and studied her face as I did so. “I’m really glad I got to meet you, Rie.”
She could feel herself crumbling as he finally let go and walked away, but she quickly convinced herself that this was for the best. “Me too, Justin Timberlake.”
I Decided, Pt. 2 by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Okay, so this it! And I just can't thank you guys enough for sticking with me through this one. This is definitely the most emotional thing I've ever written, so thank you for hanging out through all the tears and all the squees and the hiatuses as well. 2008 was a rough year for me, so this has been a means of catharsis, and it's helped a LOT. I've had SO much fun with you guys, and I hope to see everyone again for the next adventure. But in the mean time, I really hope you like the ending... even if you wanna kill me for it! lol Love y'all. - Ash
20:2 >> I Decided, Pt. 2
“God it’s nice to be back in LA,” Jac sighed, walking into the busyness of the outside of LAX. She missed all the sunshine and ego of her hometown.
“You just got kicked off of Project Runway and you’re happy?” Rie looked at her as if she was crazy.
“I don’t even care,” she giggled. “New York is nice to visit, but it’s like a one night stand for me. I have a deep loving, long lasting relationship with Los Angeles; I will never complain about coming home.”
Rie smiled weakly, knowing exactly what she meant, but not wanting to admit it. “Well… welcome home.”
“It’s your home too, you know.”
“I feel slightly out of place here,” Rie shrugged, piling her suitcase into the cab that had just pulled up. “I don’t have a home.”
“You know you can stay with me as long as you want, Rie. I don’t know why you’re so hardheaded.” Jac allowed the cab driver to handle her luggage as she slinked into the back of the vehicle. “Plus,” she added, once Rie was sitting next to her, “you have your mom’s big old place in San Bernardino…”
“I can’t live there,” she rolled her eyes.
“Well can I have it?” Jac chuckled.
She looked at her friend briefly before throwing her shades over her face and staring out to the roads beside them. As much as she felt out of place, it really was good to be back in Los Angeles. New York would always be somewhere she could go to get away, but there was truly no place like home.
And with her Sherman Oaks home sold, she had some much needed extra money in her pocket, allowing her to get a new beginning in a new area of her choice. It was a bit refreshing to know that she didn’t have to go back to that house that housed so many memories of her mom, and even the few she’d made with Justin in the past half a year. It still ached in places she didn’t know she had when she thought about the previous few months of her life. A new start was definitely what she needed.
“Hey, after we drop our bags off, you wanna go to Griddle?” Jac suggested.
“Oh god, yes,” Rie agreed eagerly. “I have missed the shit out of that place.”
“I know. A month away really reminded me how much I love them.”
“I don’t even care, I’m getting the peanut butter French toast and I’m eating ALL of it.”
“Ahh, you read my mind!” Jac shrieked. “It’s really sad how much this excites me.”
“We were so destined to be fat,” she giggled happily.
“At the hand of the Griddle, I will so take it.”
Rie grinned knowingly and rested her head against the window. “It really is good to be home,” she finally decided to say out loud.
“Told you.”
>>>>>>>>>>
A gloomy Monday had settled over Southern California, and Justin had just touched down in LA after a long and rather depressing stint in the city of New York. Having not seen Jessica in weeks, and after leaving on such bad terms, he decided to make a stop in Brentwood before heading home from the airport. His goodbye with Rie was still fresh, and he absolutely could not afford to lose his best friend as well.
When he arrived at her house, her car wasn’t there, but the gate was curiously open, so he went ahead in and rang the doorbell.
“It’s open!” she called from inside.
Hesitantly, he walked into her modest home as if he’d never been there before, and immediately noticed that all of her pictures had been taken down, and some of her furniture was conspicuously missing. “It’s me,” he announced into the quiet house.
“Ryan?” she answered, walking towards her foyer. It wasn’t until she came face to face with Justin that she realized it wasn’t her boyfriend. “Oh.”
“Hey.”
“I thought you were in New York.”
“I’m home,” he stated obviously. “Just got back.”
“Oh…”
“What’s going on?” He pointed out the evidence of her missing furniture and appended, “You redecorating or something?”
“Moving,” she nodded. “To a place in the Hills.”
“You’re gonna be closer to me?” he lit up.
“The other side of Mulholland.”
“Oh.” He hated the silence between them. “How have you been?”
“What are you doing here?” she ignored his question, feeling frozen and uncomfortable in front of him.
“I just… I thought we should square things away. I’ve missed you.”
“Me?” she scoffed. “Why?”
“I just… we weren’t exactly nice to each other the last time we saw each other, so I thought I should apologize.”
“Oh, are we still mad about that?” she impugned dryly.
“Well, I’ve been calling and you never answered or anything, so I guess I thought…”
“Oh… no, I’ve just been busy,” she nodded meekly. “With Ryan.”
“Ah, you ditched me for a boy.” He chuckled because he was joking, but for reason unbeknownst to him, Jess took him seriously.
“Fuck you.”
“Well shit, I was kidding. But if we’re gonna get all offended, that pretty much is what you did, Jess.”
“I had a chance to be with the love of my life and I took it. Just like you did,” she rebutted. “I’m sorry that it hurt you, god knows I am, but I’m not sorry I took it.”
“It didn’t hurt me, Jess, it pissed me off. Why would you ditch me “ and that is what you did “ for some random guy?”
“I fell in love with him.”
“Oh, please.”
“No please. I did!”
“You latched onto him “ or his dick, at least “ just because you couldn’t have me. You were not in love; you just chose to abandon me when I needed you most, just because you didn’t get your way.”
“No,” she shook her head. “NO. I let you in, Justin. I so stupidly let you hold my heart for a minute and you crushed it, so I took it back. I took it and gave it to Ryan, and he handled with care.” She wiped the frown from her face at the thought of him, and calmed down only slightly. “You don’t get to judge me, Justin.” She spat his name as if it were some fatal disease. “I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke,” she sniffled. “So fuck you. You do not have the right.”
“Jess…”
“I know I said I’d never leave you, Justin, but… I regret that now. Because I’m realizing… that… I dunno. I think I have to.”
“What?” he looked up.
She couldn’t believe she had just let those words escape her lips, and she had to figure out whether she even meant them or not, so she paused for a moment. “What?” she repeated for herself.
“Are you serious?”
Silence.
“Jess!”
Silence.
“Say something,” he pleaded.
So little to say but so much time
Despite my empty mouth, the words are in mind
“I’m sorry.”
“You are joking, aren’t you?”
“I’m really sorry,” she repeated, looking down at her checkered floors.
“What do you mean you’re sorry?”
“I can’t do this anymore, Jus.”
“Why are you saying this?”
“I am so, so sick of fighting you, Justin. I can’t do it anymore,” she began to cry. “Everyone told me that I needed to stop, step back, let you live your life, I couldn’t protect you. And they’re right. I have to stop trying to save you and just let you sink or swim.”
“I wasn’t asking you to save me. I just wanted you to come to New York with me,” he softly chuckled.
Please wear the face, the one where you smile
Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry
“And you call me a bad friend if you say I can’t go. What the shit is that, Justin?”
“When did I say you were a bad friend?”
“You implied it. Twice. When you called me stupid for staying here for Ryan instead of skipping off to New York with you for something I absolutely didn’t care about.”
“You don’t have to give a shit about Rie, but you promised you would never leave me hanging, yet here you are doing it.”
“You don’t even wanna start talking about broken promises with me,” she shook her head, turning away from him.
Forgive me first love, but I’m tired
“Jess, I’m sorry. I just didn’t think that I was asking a lot.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” she sneered. “This friendship, as is, is not a two-way street. If I’m not fighting with you, I’m fighting for you, and I’m tired, Justin. I’m so ridiculously tired of this one-sided bullshit,” she was yelling again. “I’ve been there since the day Talis walked out, even though it fucking killed me sometimes. I took your shit for so long, and now that I dare to have a life, you wanna keep me contained to yours. It’s not fair, Justin! You’ve just drained me so much. This whole… relationship is draining!”
I need to get away to feel again
Try to understand why
“I’m sorry,” he stated honestly.
“I’m over you.”
“What does that mean?” he quietly asked.
“It means… I dunno.” She shrugged and began to gather more of her things, placing them in piles throughout her living room. “I guess it means goodbye.”
“Jess.” He grabbed her arm in an attempt to stop her, but she kept moving towards her kitchen, taking dirty dishes to the sink, removing her laptop bag from the breakfast table and hanging it on a door, pulling a bag of dog food from the pantry, all with Justin following behind her. “Jessica,” he repeated harshly.
Don’t get so close to change my mind
“What?” she stopped, angrily wiping the tears from her face.
“This isn’t really what you want, is it?” He stared at her sadly, willing her to take back all of this foolishness.
Her guilty green eyes locked with his and she nearly lost her will.
Please wipe that look out of your eyes
It’s bribing me to doubt myself
Simply, it’s time
“I can’t be who I need to be with you around, Justin. I’m not who I wanna be either… Maybe we’ve just outgrown each other.”
“Why would you say that? I feel like we’re just getting started.”
“I don’t think so,” she sniffled. Her tears were falling like raindrops, heavily and steadily, and it was clear that this was absolutely killing her. But their relationship was hurting even more. “I think our best days have passed. And I would rather us just part ways now before we hate each other.”
“I don’t think so. I-I-I really feel like the best is yet to come,” he stammered. “That’s how it goes, Jess. I mean, we hit a bump in the road, but we don’t just give up because of an obstacle. We find a way to get over it!”
“There’s no point. I’ll always ache a little bit whenever you get a new girlfriend, you’ll always resent me a little bit whenever you think of Rie. It’s just… it’ll never be the same. Now that my secret’s out, I just don’t have much to offer you.”
This love has dried up and stayed behind
And if I stay I’ll be a lie
And choke on words I’d always hide
“So that’s just it,” he asked in defeat. “I erase you from my phone, erase you from my life and we never talk again…”
She covered her face with both of her hands, beginning to sob as his words hit home. “I’m so sorry,” she cried from behind her hands. “I love you, but yes. This is just… it.”
Excuse me first love, but we’re through
“If you’re so sure, then why are you crying, Jess?”
“Because it’s not something I ever thought I’d do,” she finally looked him in the eye again. “But I do know that I need to.”
I need to taste a kiss from someone new
He took her by the hand, pulling her into a hug. And she held him tightly, sobbing and sniffling into his chest because, if she could help it, this would be the last time they would ever touch.
Forgive me first love, but I’m too tired
I’m bored to say the least and I lack desire
“I love you so fucking much,” she sobbed.
“I love you too, Jess.” He had been fighting tears himself, but now they were falling freely, dropping to the top of her brown and blonde hair. “I’m gonna miss you.”
Forgive me, first love
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he soothed her, softly rubbing her back. “Just know that… if I see you out and about, or we run into one another at some stupid award show, I will speak to you. When you get married, whether it’s to Ryan or whoever, I will be at your wedding, even if you don’t send me an invitation; and I’ll congratulate you when you have those three kids you’ve always wanted,” he sniffed. “If anything were to ever happen to you, god forbid, I’ll be there. If you need me for anything, Jess… I mean, I may not be a part of your day to day,” he sadly realized, “but I will always be your friend.”
Forgive me, first love
Jessica closed her eyes and reveled in the last moments of their hug. She inhaled his scent and his aura and basically, everything about him, before finally pulling away. “Thank you, Justin. And I really appreciate you understanding this.”
“It’s been a pleasure,” he smiled sadly, remembering those being the last words Rie uttered to him. God, all the pain he had caused. He softly wiped the remnants of tears from Jessica’s exquisite face and, after staring into her sullen green eyes, left her with a sweet, soft kiss to the forehead.
Forgive me…
Forgive me, first love
>>>>>>>>>>
Justin arrived back at his Hollywood Hills home in an eerie silence. Halfway through his ride, reality hit that his friendship with Jess had actually ended, and he couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her “ she had become like family to him. He couldn’t figure out how he managed to lose so much in such a short amount of time. As if Talis hadn’t been enough, losing Rie and Jessica was too much to bear. He wondered if this was what his mom was referring to when she talked about true devastation.
It took a lot for him to even get out of the car, but he managed to make it safely, albeit glumly, and inside his house. He trudged through the kitchen and up his staircase, where boxes were lined up at the most inconvenient places. He shrugged it off, figuring that Rachael was doing her usual survey of his clothing, picking out the things that they could send over to Goodwill. It wasn’t until he reached his hallway, where he saw more than half his wardrobe being tossed out, that he became completely irritated.
“Rachael, are you crazy?” he deigned, meandering into his bedroom. There, he found half of his dresser drawers had been emptied as well, and Buckley was lazily laying on top of them. “Hey you,” he greeted him in a depressed tone.
He heard noises of cabinets opening and closing in the bathroom, so he slowly moved towards it, wondering what the hell his cousin was up to.
“Rachael, are you spring cleaning or what?” He was shocked as shit when he walked in and found Talis staring back at him.
“Shit,” she whispered. “Hi.”
“The hell are you doing here?”
“I… thought you were in New York.”
“I thought you were in New York,” he frowned. “What are you doing here?”
“I… umm…” she trailed off, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes darted around the bathroom nervously while she searched for an answer. “Well…”
“Seriously, Talis, why are you in my house?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“What was?”
She battled with herself over whether to blow the surprise or think up a lie that he wouldn’t believe. “All right,” she sighed. “We were just… getting rid of some stuff we thought you didn’t need anymore.”
“Who the fuck is we?” he shook his head in confusion. He leaned against the bathroom counter, feeling drained from everything he’d dealt with already. This just wasn’t helping. “Just because I forgave you didn’t give you permission to just waltz back into my life, Talis.”
“No, I know. I only came because I thought you were in New York, and I thought I could help.”
“Well, I’d like to be alone now…”
She wanted to say something extra, but knowing that when Justin didn’t want to be near anyone, he meant it, and she had already pushed past her boundaries by even being there, she just turned to leave.
He followed behind her, taking to his bed with Buckley, and glancing around his enormous bedroom. “I don’t mean to be mean,” he announced softly. “It’s just been a bad, bad day.”
She nodded, offering a small smile. “You look like shit, so… I figured.”
“Well damn.”
She shrugged and her smile widened. “I’m just being honest.”
“Not appreciated,” he chuckled.
“I’ll see you around, Justin.”
He put his hand up in an uninspired wave and watched her walk out of the door, just as a couple of other voices and footsteps seemed to make their way up the steps. “Who is that?” he whispered to his dog, frustrated with the fact that his house was apparently full of so many strangers.
He exited his bedroom to, once again, find out what the hell was going on. A mixture of relief and agony washed over him when he saw that it was Rie. Jac was with her, and they were toting boxes.
“Shit,” Rie whispered.
“W…hat’s going on?” he questioned with raised eyebrows.
Jac and Talis looked over to Rie, who was staring at Justin like she’d just seen a ghost. “I thought you were in New York.”
“Well clearly, I’m not. Now someone needs to tell me something,” he demanded.
Jac, seeing that Rie had no idea what to say, spoke up. “Justin, we--.”
“Not you,” he cut her off. He didn’t care if it was rude, he just didn’t like the girl. “Rie?”
“You were supposed to be in New York,” she repeated.
“As far as I knew, so were you,” he gestured to the three of them. “Why are you here?”
She finally dropped her boxful of clothes and exhaled nervously. “Girls, could you leave us alone for a minute?”
“Yeah. We’ll… umm… go,” Talis nodded. “Just call if you need anything?”
Rie nodded and watched her friends disappear down the stairs, trying to gather the courage she needed to face him. She then gazed back to Justin, who was bearing the most despondent look possible. “This is weird, isn’t it?”
“Considerably.”
“Okay. Well. I wrote you something,” she apprehensively proclaimed, scratching her head. “And I think I should read it first before I explain what the crap is going on.”
He wasn’t sure he had anything left to listen, but he nodded her to continue anyway.
She smiled submissively and pulled her phone from her pocket, locating the mail function, where she’d stored her composed message. She licked her lips and wiped her purple and black bangs from her eyes before beginning. “Justin,” she announced proudly, using the trackball of her BlackBerry to scroll down the long message. “For months now, you’ve wanted to hear my real feelings. Well all right, fine… I think you’re an idiot,” she stated bluntly. “You want so badly for everyone to like you that you do ridiculous things, like blurting out that you love me in the middle of an argument, just to make me stop talking. You let your best friend convince you that she needs to be swept off her feet, and that you’re the only one who could ever possibly do the sweeping. You idiot. You stop for your fans to take pictures when we’re late for a movie, just so they won’t call you an asshole as you walk off,” she read enthusiastically, glancing at him when she could to see his reactions. “Well, you are an asshole.”
“Rie, I really don’t wanna hear this right now,” he sighed in a melancholy monotone. “You picked the worst possible day to kick me while I’m down.”
“How about you just listen?”
“I really--.”
“And you know what else,” she went on.
“Well okay then.”
“You are FUCKED UP,” she read. “And you’re fucked up in the most annoying way possible, because you’re fucked up in that vulnerable way that makes everyone want to coddle you and hug you and make everything better,” she looked up at him innocently. “Especially me.”
Justin stopped feeling sorry for himself long enough to take a look at her as well. He took a cross-legged seat on the hardwood floor, resting his arm on a pile of clothing and his head against his wall.
“They say that people with strong exteriors usually have weak interiors. As much as I hate to admit it, though, you manage to be the exception. In spite of all your flaws “ the ones you try so hard to hide, but are so irritatingly visible and endearing “ you, Justin, are a beautiful human being. I almost wish I hadn’t met you,” she sighed, “because then I could believe that it was all a façade. Then I could think that my idea of you was just that “ an idea. A preconceived notion that I’d dreamed up, but in real life, you were a total douchebag. I never wanted to know that everything I thought was actually true “ that you really are an amazing dude.
With as much talent as you have, I’d expect you’d have some eccentric ego in real life, but from what I’ve seen, you have the exact amount necessary to be who you are, and more humility than anyone as fabulous as you should ever need. Which actually makes you more talented, by some crazy cosmic arithmetic. Your mind is like a stadium with the dome open, and I adore that you have zero judgment when it comes to things that move you.” Rie was moved as well, beginning to become emotional at the thought of all her words materializing into sounds as she read out this gushfest to him.
“When most people get the feeling they might like an idea or a shirt, they run it through a series of filters. ‘What should I think, given my personal attributes? How does this read? What would Stephen Colbert do?’ But you, Justin, have a brave sense of self and a completely authentic relationship with your tastes and opinions. You’re the only person I know that can rock the shit out of a fedora and orange belt on a golf course, and feel completely comfortable in that,” she giggled reminiscently.
“And to top it off, you are easily one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. Living in Los Angeles, I suppose that doesn’t say a whole lot, but believe me when I say that you are enigmatic, cerebral, intuitive, articulate “ all the things that a man who left school at the age of fourteen shouldn’t be. All the things I hope you can one day teach me to be,” she smiled.
“Rie--.”
She put her finger up as if to say she wasn’t done yet. “I will never be the woman with the perfect hair or svelte frame. I hate to cook and I love to shop. I can’t string together more than a few sentences without pausing to say, ‘Umm.’ I’ll never be able to wear white without spilling some shit on it, or walk without tripping. But that’s fine with me. I’m a mess and you’re a disaster, and that’s precisely why I like you. You broke all my rules,” Rie nodded. “And I probably had too many in the first place, but you came along and suddenly, they all went away.
Point is, I think the world of you, Jus. And I wish you all the happiness your crazy, fucked up little world will accept. Remarkably, your fame has taught me many lessons, but most importantly, I think I’ve learned that we’re all a little weird and fucked up. And life… is a little weird and fucked up. In addition, when we find someone whose weirdness and fucked-upness is compatible with our own, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and fucked-upness, and… we call it love. True love,” she grinned. “Well. I’m dizzy, and I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.” Finishing her unsent email, she looked back up at him, stuffing her phone into the pocket of her jeans. “That’s it.”
He couldn’t stop staring at her. He couldn’t fathom someone saying so many things in such a ridiculously flattering manner, and genuinely meaning them. By nature, Justin was a completely self-deprecating man, so to sit there and listen to all of that was a mixture of horrifying and astounding. “That was…”
“I know,” she shook her head.
“…long.”
“I know.”
“Jesus, Rie…”
“I know.”
“You’re insane.”
“I know,” she chuckled. “But I just started writing and that’s what came out.”
“And you came all the way to LA just to read it?”
“I came to LA because it’s home. And I have a deep loving, long lasting relationship with it. And I dunno, I’d… kinda like to have one with you too.”
“What about “ I mean, I thought you had issues with… stuff.”
“I do,” she admitted. “And I very well may never trust you again, but I’m willing to spend my time trying.” She sat down across from him, recreating much of the scene the last time they were together at her apartment in New York. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“So… I wanna try. For real,” she took his hand into hers, interlocking their fingers. “And I promise not to run at the first sign of trouble, as long as you promise not to cause any.”
He smiled that famous smile “ the one that made her keep talking when they met at that Obama fundraiser. “Are you sure about this?”
“I’m never too sure about anything,” she chuckled. “But… you’re the only person that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.”
He laughed. “Is that another oxymoron?”
She nodded. “And these boxes?” she pointed to the ones that she and Jac had dropped. “I thought I could… I dunno, leave some of my stuff here. I got a couple of lamps and towels and shit in the car. That’d pretty much guarantee I won’t run away.”
“You wanna move in?” he asked hopefully.
“Well… you offered,” she grinned. “I mean, I have to be in New York part of the week for SNL, but that’s only a few months a year.”
“And when you’re not in New York, you’ll be here.”
“If you still want me,” she bit her lip. “I mean, you better still want me after all this moving shit we did.”
He chuckled heartily, looking around his halls “ their halls “ at the mess she’d made. “Wait, where are all my clothes going?”
“We’ll figure it out,” she promised. “We’ll figure it all out.”
“Yeah, I guess.” he agreed.
This was a bittersweet moment for him, because he was ecstatic about the fact that Rie was taking this giant leap with him, but he couldn’t help the fact that there was a void in his life with Jess being out of it. Yeah, definitely bittersweet.
But he tried to look at it this way: Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are series, some are incomplete, and some are short stories. That didn’t make them any less filled with love. He would miss Jess, for sure, but it was the end of their story. This one, the Rie and Justin series, had just begun, and he was excited, and hopeful, and absolutely terrified. So much was still unwritten. He couldn’t wait to begin.
“I think that sharing space would be good for us,” he eventually intimated. “Being closer. Being together…”
Rie crawled over to his side of the hall, sitting as close to him as she could. She held his hand tightly and rested her head on his shoulder like it was made specifically for her. They fit together so well, she knew that he was made specifically for her. This was home. “Yeah.”
Fin
Lyrics: "First Love" - Adele (19)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.