Beep, Beep, Beep!

My eyelids flashed open as the alarm reverberated throughout the hallowed walls of my room. Normally, I’d reach over, hit snooze for the thirtieth time until I could pry my tired, unwilling limbs from this lumpy mattress. Today was different, though. I just wasn’t exactly sure why yet.

As I forced my body into a sitting position, I felt my feet hit the cold floor. My elbows rested against my thighs, and I held my head as my fingers slid into my now curly hair. My muscles felt malleable, and I realized that I desperately needed to work out. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been on a treadmill, let alone picked up a weight, and now that I wasn’t having sex on a daily basis, my body was beginning to miss the physical perks.

As I pushed myself off the bed, I stretched my arms long above my head, catching my reflection in the full-length mirror that was hanging by my bed. By the looks of things, my abs were missing the workout, too. I pinched my stomach, an inch of skin and flab between my fingers, and grimaced.

“I need to fix this...” I mumbled to myself. 

I slowly walked closer to the mirror, my hands firmly resting on my stomach like a pregnant woman does when her baby bump begins to show. With a grunt, I patted the now barren area where my muscle definition used to be. There was a faint remnant of the stellar abs that used to be there, but it certainly would need an airbrush job for a GQ cover. My agent would kill me if he saw me  now.

“How you gonna get laid now, Timberlake?” I whispered to myself. “We need to fix this, stat.”

Groaning, I decide to slip on the house shoes that Daniel, my favorite orderly, had brought me to replace the whimpy booties I always complained about. Feeling situated in my tank top and scrub bottoms, I took off down the hallway, making my way towards Cadence’s office. 

What harm would it do in asking her if I could go take a jog somewhere? Or to ask if there was a gym hidden somewhere in this gem of a place. Surely, she wouldn’t mind the interruption.

As I approached her door, I don’t know why I didn’t bother knocking. Thinking back on it now, I don’t know why I didn’t wait until our session that was scheduled within the hour, or for Daniel to take me. Come to think of it, I don’t really know why I do a lot of the things I do when it comes to Cadence.

But I did it. My hand turned the knob without a single thought otherwise, and my body mindlessly entered the room.

“Oh god...” she whimpered.

At first, I was confused. My ears twitched, and my body began to tense up. “Cadence?” I asked, so quiet that even I could barely hear it.

And then I heard a large slam, and my mind and blood began racing with inappropriate thoughts. Was Cadence having sex? Was she...was she getting slammed by another patient? What the fuck? How could she just do that when we were making all of this progress? How could...how could...

And as I angrily entered the room far enough to see her desk, I realized that she wasn’t having sex at all. In fact, she was sobbing, her fist pounding against the desk in utter dismay; and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt my heart sink to my stomach.

“Cadence? What’s wrong...” I asked, pausing to try and take in the situation.

She looked up at me, her eyes in shock and completely filled with tears. I could tell that as soon as she registered that it was me, she panicked. It was blatantly obvious that I wasn’t supposed to see her like this.

“Oh, fuck...” she mumbled.

Her hands immediately went to her eyes, wiping furiously at her tears, completely smearing her black eyeliner across the flesh of her cheekbones as she tried desperately to put herself together. 

“You...you, uh...” she mumbled, in between sniffles. “Our session isn’t for another hour and a half. You’re...you’re early...”

I nodded, slowly starting to walk closer to her, my concern continuing to build. 

“I’m sorry, I just came to ask you a question. I thought your door was always open...” My body half turned as I referenced the door, as if my gesture would somehow make it okay that I was intruding on her. At this point, I wasn’t sure if I should leave, or press on. 

She was in pain, though -- I couldn’t leave her like this.

She groaned. “Yeah, yeah it is. I’m...I just...” Her arms flailed as she tried to express herself without words. I had no idea what she was trying to say.

I battled rapid fire responses in my head on how I should approach this situation. I could either leave and come back in an hour and a half and pretend like nothing every happened, or I could stay and try to get her to talk to me about whatever situation was going on. It seemed really unlikely that she was into that, though.

Fuck, what should I do?

In a moment of panic, as I watched the tears continue to slide down her face and her arms flail around in a failed attempt at expression, I did the one thing that I think surprised both of us. I hugged her.

Without thought, my body closed the distance between us in one fell swoop, and I pulled her into my arms, wrapping them tightly around her and just held her. I didn’t say a thing, I just coddled her tighter and tighter as she cried harder into my arms.

“Shhhh...” I whispered, my hand slowly caressing her hair. “It’s going to be okay...”

As I held her, I realized this is the first time I’ve had human contact in a meaningful way in years, if not longer -- let alone the urge to actually care or comfort someone. I didn’t even know I still had the capacity to do this, let alone the physical gall to execute it.

Her breathing soon calmed, the tears disappeared, and subconsciously, I began to sing a soft lullaby, a very familiar one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*FLASHBACK*

Rocka-bye baby, in the tree top. 
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock...

I couldn’t stop whistling nursery rhymes. Ever since I found out Britney was pregnant, I was the happiest dad on the planet.  Not only had we finally gotten Lou out of our lives after the lawsuit, but I felt so free and so happy. Not only was I in love, but I was starting the family I never had growing up. 

But today, today was doubly special. She thought I was at the store picking up a few more items for the surprise “birthday” dinner we were having for my Mom, but it was really to announce the bundle of joy on the way.  

But that wasn’t the real surprise for my beautiful mom-to-be. I had planned on surprising her with the brand new nursery I was about to finish painting, an added bonus to our announcement dinner tonight. I wanted everyone to see how great of a Dad I was going to be.

As I put my paint brush down to fill the bucket with more paint, I realized I had used the last of the paint can.

“Dammit, I don’t want Brit to see me...” I mumbled. 

The last paint can was in the garage, and if she happened to see me, it would surely give away the surprise. She was, after all, laboring away on the spectacular dinner we are about to have.

“I’ll just sneak to the garage...” I shrugged. “She’ll never even notice.”

I was pretty proud of myself at that moment. Over the past month, I had been spectacular at everything. Not only had I convinced the guys to hold off on our third album (even though I didn’t tell them why), but I had moved Brit into my place, was making up this fantastic surprise nursery wing of the house, and I even bought a ring to propose in the coming weeks. My plan was working out splendidly.

Yup, I was about to get the Dad of the Year Award.

I put the paint brush down and walked to the door of thr nursery. I stuck my head out, listened quietly to ensure the coast was clear, and began my James Bond-esque trek down to the garage. When I touched the handle to the garage door, I heard a faint noise on the other side. 

Concerned, I grabbed the baseball bat and entered swiftly.

“Oh, God! Yes...fuck me, harder!!  Ughhhhhhh, get it, Daddy!! Faster!! Yeah, fuck that pregnant pussy!”

I felt my heart starting to pound.

“Fuck, you can’t make me feel as good as Justin. That’s it...that’s it baby. God, I’m so fucking close!!”

I walked in, my jaw nearly on the floor, as I watched my best friend Wade railing my pregnant soon-to-be-wife on the hood of the car I bought her.

“Yeah? Tell me who’s better, baby,” Wade grunted.

It took me several moments to process what was really happening right now. My veins were pounding, my blood was racing, and I wanted to do any one of 80 of the thoughts running through my brain right now. But I was stuck there. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even say anything.

Finally, the bat dropped, the tinging of the aluminum hitting the concrete echoing throughout the hollow space.

“Oh God!” Britney squealed. “Justin!!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I blinked back the horrible memory and relished in feeling Cadence in my arms. I’m sure it’s how my mom felt that same night when she held a crying, devastated me that realized my life, despite trying my best to do the contrary, turned out exactly how I didn’t want it to.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered, my nose slightly buried in her hair. “Come on, talk to me...”

It took her a few minutes to calm down, but she eventually did.

“They’re...they’re denying the funds for next year. I need to find a donor or the kids hospital will not only not ever be built, but we may have to shut down completely,” she mumbled, still in tears.

I nodded.

“Why are they denying the funds?” I asked, calmly.

She took a deep sigh. “My father has been in a coma for 18 months. The donors have been pulling their cash slowly because without my father, the children’s hospital burnt down, and with no expectance of recovery, they no longer think this is a good investment. If they pull the funds now, we’ll not only have to shut down the children’s portion and lose any hope of getting a new facility -- but I might have to pull my Dad off of life support,” she uttered, sobbing again by the end of it.

I felt that familiar crush of the chest.

“Oh, God. That’s...oh, Cadence...” I whispered.

A long silence passed between us as she held onto me.

“How much do you need?” I asked.

“$500,000 to keep the children’s unit alive for the next three months. $5 million to open the new hospital,” she mumbled. “Not that it matters, the economy is shit here. No one has that kind of money, and with my dad incapacitated, the confidence isn’t there for investors. There’s no winning the battle,” she nodded, slowly pulling away.

I gently placed my thumb on her chin, slightly grasping it in my hand to force her to look up at me.

“Hey -- now that’s not the same Cadence I met at Starbucks that gave me some crap about trying to hit on a beautiful woman...” I whispered.

She sniffled and tried to look to the side, but I kept my hand firmly there so she couldn’t lose my gaze.

“I’m serious. Cadence, there’s nothing that can’t be done. You can’t give up on those kids, you can’t give up on your Dad, and you can’t give up on yourself. You didn’t give up on me, and I’m not going to let you give up on you. You understand?” I asked.

She nodded with a sniffle. “But...but, how, Justin?”

I smiled. “Well, you’re in luck. You’ve got some friends in high places. I’ll front the $500k and pitch the facility to some of my VC friends when you’ve healed me...” I finished, but she interrupted.

“No, Justin. I can’t...I can’t let you do that. Not only is it wrong, but I won’t let you. It’s sweet, but...but I can’t...” she trailed.

I laughed. “I’m not taking no for an answer”

“But...but, why? Why not? I mean, you can’t -- I, I don’t know how to repay you. I would never...I just...Justin!?” she sighed, exasperated.

I slowly moved my thumb from her chin to her cheek, gently cupping her beautiful face.

“You can repay me,” I smiled. I stared deeply into her eyes, seeing her vulnerability, and I couldn’t help it.

I leaned in, and I kissed her.

As I pulled away, my lips still tingling in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever felt, I took a deep breath.

“Let me take you to dinner tonight. That’s all I ask,” I smiled.

With a blush and a touch of her lips, she nodded with a slightly worried smile. I knew she was conflicted, but I was just going to have to help her get over that. 

“Good,” I finished, taking her lack of a protest as a win. “I’ll pick you up tonight, here. We’ll go to the courtyard for a late night dinner. Is that agreeable to you?”

She nodded.

“Great, it’s a date.”

 And with that, I walked out of her office with a purpose -- something I hadnt had in a long time.