Riding in the car on the way to rehearsals I was in a state of something, I just wasn't sure what. Was it shock? Bliss? Fear? He told me that he loved me, no I take that back. He told me that he was IN love with me. I'm not sure if I was ready to hear that but I knew it was coming. What I don't know is if he's really in love with me, or if it's just pity love because I told him what happened. I just feel like it's so soon to know if you're really in love with someone. But who knows, I'm really not the person that should be commenting on love since I have no clue what it feels like to be loved, or how to love. But if this is what if feels like, I'm in it for the long haul. It's amazing how gratifying it feels to be respected and cared for and listened to. Something like this has never happened to me. I thought I was in love with B, in my heart I truly believed it at the time, but I know now that it was just lust and I just enjoyed the feeling of attention. This thing with Justin, it's something totally different. I can't sit here today and say I'm in love with him because I don't know if I am, but I think I'm really close to it. Just looking at him gives me butterflies, and his touch gives me chills. The sound of his voice makes me smile, he is making me happy. The look in his eyes when he said that he was in love with me took away every single fear that I had about this relationship, he meant it, he truly meant it.

Everything with Justin feels so natural. I feel like I've been waking up next to him for 20 years. It's like we have a routine whether it's waking up in the morning or after a nap, he pulls me close to him, kisses my forehead and rubs my back. He gets up first, goes to the bathroom and showers while I sprawl out across the whole bed and go back to sleep. The hand holding, the pet names, everything just seems so natural. After what happened I thought that I'd be alone forever. I never in a million years thought I'd be able to let someone else in, but little by little I'm letting Justin in and he's not hurting me.

We haven't had sex yet. Not because I don't want to because I do, especially after the shower we just took together, but I'm nervous about it. I've never actually willingly had sex with someone. B supposedly wanted to save it for marriage. We all know that was a boldfaced lie now seeing as though from what I hear he gets around. He has slept with my ex-best friend, that was a pleasant thing to find out. And since that whole situation I haven't put myself in a position to even be close to having sex with anyone else. Truth be told, I'm scared I'll suck at it. I don't want it to be amazing for me and awful for him, and I don't know how to go about telling him that he'd be my first real experience. All I know is that I saw that man naked in the shower and I wanted to jump on him right then and there. Oh what I wouldn't do to that man! I could feel a smirk creeping up on my face and I was trying to hide it before anyone noticed, but I was too late.

"What's that smile for?" Trace questioned nudging my side.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied playing dumb.

"Suuuure you don't," Trace said starting to tickle me. I was hitting him and yelling for him to stop but he wouldn't until Rachel said something softly not really meant for us to hear.

"Maybe that smile explains Justin's mood," came from the back seat.

"What mood?" I questioned.

"He was off in his own little world today, then when I asked him about it he flipped out. Now that he's had more time with you he seems to be fine so obviously you two fought and had really good make up sex or something."

"Rachel I told you to shut your mouth," Justin said giving her a stern look, "I suggest you keep it closed for the rest of the day."

"Justin!" I said hitting him on the leg, "That was rude."

"She won't just drop it like I asked her to hours ago. I told her I didn't feel good."

"And we all know you're lying Justin so get over yourself."

"Rachel I swear to God."

"You swear to God what Justin? What are you going to do?"

"I told you I didn't feel good, which was proven when I threw up at the studio."

"And magically you suddenly feel better."

"STOP. The both of you," Trace yelled. "It's like I'm dealing with children. Shut up."

Everyone stopped and I just sat there looking forward at the traffic that continued to build in front of us. I knew why Justin has an attitude today, and I knew exactly what his problem was. Was it right for him to flip out at Rachel, no probably not, but I could understand it if she was harping on him. I didn't want to be the reason for Justin's bad moods, and I especially didn't want to be the reason for him getting sick. I realized that he now had to keep this secret too, and that really wasn't fair to him. Trace must have seen the look on my face because he put his arm around me and whispered to me that everything would be okay and that it would blow over before the day was over. I knew he was right, just like he was right when he told me how Justin would respond to everything. We talked after Justin left this morning and Trace told me that everything would just brew in his head all day, and he'd be turned off and distant to anyone besides me. He'd put on a strong face for me and pretend like it's not really bothering him, but deep down inside he really wants to find B and Victor and bash their heads open. In the end we'll talk about it, settle it, and then talk about it some more until all of his questions are answered. Trace says he's protective of anyone he's close with and he's going to be extra protective of me, which is what he's doing right now with Rachel.

I grabbed Justin's hand and put my head on his shoulder while he looked out the window. I didn't want it to be like this, but I knew that we'd get through it. After about a half hour of driving in silence we finally pulled up to the venue. Everyone got out of the car except Justin so I got back in and sat next to him not saying a word. I saw Rachel and Trace walking into the venue and I could tell from his exaggerated gesturing that Trace was yelling at Rachel. Justin chuckled a little bit after seeing the same thing I did and turned to kiss me.

"He tells us to stop yelling and then turns around and does just that."

"He's just looking out for you babe."

"I know. She just doesn't drop shit you know? Everyone deserves an off day, but she won't just let me have mine. I was going to apologize for yelling at her earlier but now I'm rethinking it."

"She's worried about you."

"She's nosy."

"Just say you're sorry and that you're dealing with some stuff and I'm sure she'll understand," I said rubbing his thigh.

"You keep doing that and I'm going to be apologizing for missing rehearsal," he replied with a huge smile on his face. I hit his leg and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Come on, go rehearse," I said while reaching for the door handle.

"You pretty lady," he said pulling me back to him, "are a tease."

"If you're nice to everyone for the rest of the day and do everything on your schedule, I might just follow through tonight," I said with a wink. No sooner did the words leave my mouth and he was out of the car jogging into the venue, turning around only to make sure I was following him. We entered the venue and I was handed an all access pass to put around my neck and Lonnie took me inside while Justin went to meet with the crew. I walked into an empty arena and sat down in the front row next to Trace and Rachel. I turned around and took in how big the place looked. I had never been in an empty arena before and it was crazy to think that this place would be completely full of screaming fans.

"Crazy right?" Trace asked.

"Insane. I can only imagine how it feels up there to see thousands of people looking back at you."

I looked back at the stage to see Justin walking over to the piano. I had seen his show before but never like this. He was in a T-Shirt and Basketball shorts and I wanted to rip them off and have him right there on that stage. He was directing the band and changing up a few of the songs. He was totally in his element, focused and being the perfectionist that he is. He sang a few songs in their entirety and I found myself closing my eyes and taking it all in. This was an experience I'd never ever forget. Sitting in an arena that holds thousands of people with just Trace and Rachel watching the ultimate performer do what he does best. I felt like the luckiest girl on the planet being in the position that I was in and being able to see all the hard work everyone puts in to make the show what it is every night.

Rehearsal wasn't long and we were soon back at the hotel. Justin had some phone interviews to do and I had a lot of studying that I needed to accomplish so we both decided to do that by the pool. Justin put on a baseball hat and sunglasses with his bathing suite so that he wouldn't be recognized, and was extra careful to keep his head down while other people were around. I put my IPod on and immersed myself into my books while he talked on the phone rolling his eyes over and over again at the questions being asked. I was deep into my Media Criticism book when I felt a tap on my shoulder about an hour later. I looked up while taking my headphones out to see Rachel standing there.

"Hey can I talk to you in private?" she asked.

"Sure," I said looking over at Justin who was still on the phone. I motioned that I was going with Rachel and gave him a kiss. "What's up?" I asked when we got to the other side of the pool.

"Look I don't know you that well," she started, "but it's been made clear to me that my cousin obviously likes you a lot and you seem to be the only one that he listens to as of late. I can't have Justin act the way he's acted all day today for the rest of this tour so I have two things to ask you. Number one, whatever happened between you guys today could you not let it happen again? And number two; don't hurt him he's been hurt enough in relationships and he doesn't deserve to be hurt again. He's the most genuine person I know and he doesn't deserve to be played so if that is your plan can you just let him down easily now so that it won't kill him in the end please?"

"Wow," was all I could get out at first. I sorted out my thoughts and answered her in the best way I could without having to divulge too much information. "I'm not going to lie to you and say Justin wasn't in a bad mood today, he was. We didn't fight or anything but I told him something that's, let's just say difficult to hear that happened to me. According to Trace this is how he gets when something like this happens, but I can promise you that I have nothing else to tell him that will make him like this again. He's having an off day, just let him have it. I'm sure he's going to apologize to you at some point. And second of all, I have no intentions of playing Justin. Everything that's happened has been as much of a shock to me as it is to you, but I'm falling hard for your cousin and I don't plan on ever hurting him. I've been hurt before so I know what it feels like and I would never do that to another person. I don't know if you like me or not but I can assure you that I'm not going anywhere and I plan to be a part of Justin's life for as long as he will have me because honestly, I've never in my whole life felt this way about another person Rachel. I know I'm not the type of girl he typically dates, and that I'm in school and live across the country from him and it's going to be hard...really hard, but I'm going to put everything I have into this relationship. Rachel I give you my word, I'm in this for the right reasons I promise."

"Okay," she said, "I believe you. And I'll cut him some slack for today. But just know that his lifestyle is crazy and you haven't seen half of it yet. So get ready for a roller costar ride."

"I'm ready. Well I'm probably not ready but I'm pretty good at rolling with the punches. He's worth it, your cousin is a pretty amazing guy you know."

"Eh, he's alright," she said with a laugh. "And just a little FYI for you. Justin doesn't cheat, so when you see him in a tabloid with a brunette it's always me."

"Thanks," I said with a smile, and the next thing I knew she gave me a hug.

"Welcome to the family, it's a shit show."

We continued to talk for a while to get to know each other and after about a half hour I felt someone behind me. I turned around and there was Justin about to attack until I caught him. He hugged me from behind and kissed the back of my head.

"Ladies," he greeted us, "is everything okay over here?"

"Everything is great," I replied, "Rachel here was just telling me about that week when you were 4 and insisted on running around the house naked."

"She was was she?" he said giving Rachel the look of death.

"Mmmhmm."

"Rachel is going to get her ass beat after the show tonight, which I have to leave for. But before I do," he said letting go of me and walking over to Rachel, "I'm really sorry about today Rach my mind was just somewhere else and..."

"It's okay," she interrupted him, "don't worry about it."

"Thanks?" he said looking back and forth from me to Rachel. "I don't know what's going on here, but I don't think I like it." Rachel and I just looked at each other and laughed, and it was then that I knew everything with Rachel was going to be okay.

Justin left with Eric and Rachel to go to the venue around 5:00. I sat out by the pool until 7 studying before going back in and getting ready for the show. I walked into our room and sitting right in front of me on the counter was a vase filled with two dozen long stemmed red roses. I walked over and pulled a small white envelope out of the holder inside the vase while putting a rose to my nose. I opened the envelope and read the note.

Marissa,

You are the strongest, most beautiful, most inspiring person I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life. You have changed my world for the better in just over a week. I am the luckiest man in this world. I can't wait to see you at the show and to hold you in my arms tonight. I love you so much.

-J

PS-Keep your eyes open and tonight and enjoy the show.

I read the note three times, and each time tears streamed down my face. This time though, they were happy tears.

*****

The venue was packed by the time Trace and I got to our seats. Justin insisted that we have security with us just in case people recognize Trace and start asking questions. If questions were to arise we were instructed to tell people that I was dating Trace, and Justin and I were just friends. I did as Justin asked and kept my eyes open for the show. It was a totally different experience then the first time, but both were amazing. He truly is the best at what he does and seeing him up there made me proud to be his girlfriend. About halfway through the show he came up from underneath the stage with a guitar on his lap. I knew that he was about to sing "Gone" and a couple of songs that weren't singles off of Justified, and I really had to go to the bathroom so I got up and told Trace I'd be right back.

"NO!" he yelled grabbing my arm, "no you can't leave, intermission is right after this just stay for this."

"Trace I've been to his show before and I'll be there tomorrow it's okay."

"Please just stay? For me?"

"You are the weirdest person I know," I said sitting back down.

I looked up at the stage and made eye contact with Justin, I couldn't help but smile. He adjusted his microphone and thanked the audience before continuing.

"So usually at this point in the show I slow it down just a little bit, and as some of you may know I usually sing Gone, off of *NSync's Celebrity album." The crowd went insane, "But tonight," he said after they quieted down, "tonight I'm going to change it up a bit. You see just recently someone came into my life that has changed my world, and I'm so grateful that things have worked out the way they have. I truly am the happiest I've been in well...forever. So this song goes out to her. I love you baby."

I couldn't believe that he had just announced to the world that he was in love with me. Sure he didn't say my name or anything but I knew he was talking about me, and what shocked me even more was the beautiful song that was coming out of his mouth.

So many times I thought I held it in my hands
But just like grains of sand
Love slipped through my fingers
So many nights I asked the Lord above
Please make me lucky enough to find a love that lingers
Something keeps telling me that you could be my answered prayer
You must be heaven sent, I swear
Cuz...

Something happens when you look at me I forget to speak
something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak
Could it be true is this what God has meant for me?
Cuz baby I can't believe...that something like you could happen to me

Girl in your eyes I feel your fire burn
Oh your secrets I will learn
Even if it takes forever
With you by my side I can do anything
I don't care what tomorrow brings as long as we're together
My heart is telling me that you could be my meant to be
I know it more each time we touch
Cuz...

Something happens when you look at me I forget to speak
something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak
Could it be true is this what God has meant for me?
Cuz baby I can't believe...that something like you could happen to me

Something magical (something magical)
Something spiritual (something spiritual)
Something stronger than the two of us alone
Something physical
Something undeniable (undeniable)
Nothing like anything (anything) that I've ever known
Cuz...

Something happens when you look at me I forget to speak
Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak
Could it be true is this what God has meant for me?
Cuz baby I can't believe...that something like you could happen to me

Something happened...ohhhh, can't believe that you happened to me