The show in Miami was one of the best shows I've had throughout this entire tour. Everything went off without a hitch, no mistakes were made and my voice was better then it has been in a while. Maybe it was because my family was there, or because for the first time since she got the news, Marissa had a smile on her face. But honestly, I think it was because there was someone there watching over me, helping me do my best for her. After the show I did my meet and greet and got to talk to the little girl I met at the restaurant earlier in the day. She was honestly the cutest kid I've ever met in my life. By the end of the night we were all calling her Miss Sassy Pants. Marissa really enjoyed playing with her, and it was good to see her laughing after the day that she had had. I've never been one to actually want kids, but this little girl, and the way Marissa was interacting with her got me thinking about it just a little bit.

I had a car waiting for us to take us to the airport right after the show. I packed my bag up before I left for rehearsal and took her bag that was sitting at the door along with mine with us to the venue. As soon as all the fans left I got into the shower while Marissa, Luke and my parents packed up the car. I knew these next couple of days were going to really cement if this relationship was going to work. This was going to be an extremely difficult couple of days for her, not only due to the death of her cousin who she was really close with, but being surrounded by her family members that make her feel like shit. She adored most of her extended family, but because her immediate family practically abandoned her she doesn't get to see them too often, and even though she's always happy to see them, these are not the circumstances she had hoped for. On top of all of that, I was 99.9% certain that our relationship was bound to hit the media waves because of this. I know that I don't have to go with her, but I need to go with her. She needs me, and I will be there to support her no matter what. I could never let her go through this alone. If I wasn't with her I wouldn't even be able to do anything productive because I'd be worried the whole time. I couldn't stand to see her upset, but I knew that there wasn't much I could do about that now except be there to support her and have a shoulder ready for her to cry on.

When I walked outside to the car I saw everyone huddled around her. What started off as a weekend where she thought everyone hated her, turned into a weekend of people falling in love with her. It was good to see her attempting to smile while people tried to cheer her up. When she looked up and saw me though the smile was wiped right off of her face. She knew it was time to face something that she never wanted to face this soon and she was scared. I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly against me to let her know that I wasn't going anywhere. We said our goodbyes to my parents, and my mother just couldn't stop crying as she was hugging Marissa.

"Hold it together Mama," I said. "You're not making it any easier for her."

"I know, I know I'm sorry," she said sniffling in an attempt to stop crying, "You call if you need anything okay dear?" she said to Marissa.

"I will, thank you for everything," she replied.

I was my mother's next victim. She came over, threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. "You take care of her Justin, she needs you. And if anything gets out of hand with the media we'll take care of it okay?"

"You know I will Mama, and thank you," I said squeezing her tight before letting her go. She went over to my father after giving Marissa another hug, and we waved goodbye to them as we pulled away. Marissa asked the driver to put the radio on, and then put her head on my shoulder and held onto my hand for dear life. I knew she didn't want to talk. Music was her stress reliever, it kept her sane. Luke put his hand on her shoulder and she grabbed it with her free hand. We drove the whole way to the airport like that. After a few songs I could hear her humming along, I just rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb and prayed to God that these next three days would be easier then I imagined, for me and for her. Because all I could imagine was disaster.

***

We landed at Logan International Airport at 1:30am. Luke had called Amy before we took off to let her know what happened and that we'd be stopping by to get some of her stuff. The plane ride was quite. Marissa had her IPod on the whole way, and Luke was responding to E-Mails most of the time. For the first time in a long time I didn't really know what to expect when I got off of the plane. I always had a schedule to stick by, and people telling me where I needed to be and when. But this time, I threw that schedule down the drain and made it Marissa time.

Eric met us at the arrivals gate when we landed and drove us to Marissa's dorm. I went to get out of the car to help her get her stuff, but she told me to stay and that Luke would help her. She knew that our relationship was going to be outed to the media, but she wasn't ready for it just yet, I could just tell. She wasn't gone very long but she came back with one extra person in tow. I saw a tall skinny blonde walking behind her and I could only assume it was Amy. Marissa stuck her head in the door,

"Hey Amy wants to meet you is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay," I said sliding out.

"No, stay in the car I don't want to risk someone seeing you," she said turning around and motioning for Amy. I didn't mind meeting her friend but I knew it was the last thing she wanted to be doing right now. Amy probably asked her and she didn't have the heart to say no. Marissa got in on the other side of the car while Amy slid in next to me and Luke put Marissa's bags in the trunk.

"Hey Amy, it's really nice to meet you," I said extending my arms out for a hug, "Marissa's told me a lot about you."

"It's so nice to meet you too Justin," she responded with a huge smile on her face, "this is just so exciting. I never thought I'd get the chance to meet THE Justin Timberlake."

I chuckled a little and put my arm around Marissa who was staring off into space, "I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances," I said placing a small kiss on her head.

"Oh I know isn't it just awful. Luke called and I was floored, I mean he was just so young you know? It's even sadder when it happens like that. I couldn't imagine dying so young, I mean for me that would be in two years I just have so much life to live..."

"I know," I interrupted her because this was the last thing Marissa needed to be listening to. I knew she was just rambling because she was excited, and normally I'd let someone do that but now wasn't the time or the place. "It was really nice to meet you Amy, it's been a really long day for us so I think we're going to head to the hotel but we'll see you tomorrow?"

"Right, yeah of course. See you guys tomorrow." She got out of the car and walked over to open window where Marissa was sitting. "I'm really sorry Maris, call me if you need anything okay? I'll see you tomorrow...Take care of her Justin," she said while hugging her through the window.

"Thanks Am, see you tomorrow," she replied while rolling up her window. "To the hotel," she said trying to sound chipper. I pulled her close to me and I could feel her heart beating out of her chest. From her sniffles I could tell that she wanted to cry but was doing everything in her power to not let it happen. I looked back at Luke and he had a look of pure worry on his face. We pulled up to the Liberty Hotel, and Luke unloaded our bags while I checked us in. Marissa was walking beside me with her hand clenched to mine in a daze. Once we got to our room she let go of my hand and walked straight to the bathroom, Luke was following close behind us and set our bags down in the bedroom.

"She's in a totally different world," I said to him plopping down on the bed.

"This is how she deals with things. She completely closes herself off to the world, doesn't say a word just thinks about it over and over and over again and tries to figure out what she could have done differently when in reality she couldn't do anything."

"I just feel so helpless you know? I want to help her, but I don't know how. Plus the fact that I haven't really known her that long so I don't know what to do in these situations yet."

"Honestly, you're doing everything you can. You're keeping her calm. Usually she's all over the place, crying and not talking to anyone. At least she's responsive to you. And no matter what you tell her, she won't realize that she did everything she could and that it's not her fault."

"Of course it's not her fault, it's not like she gave him leukemia."

"No, but it didn't work."

"What didn't work?"

"She didn't tell you did she?" he said sighing and sitting down on the chair.

"Tell me what?"

"She was his bone marrow donor," he said now looking at me. My jaw dropped to the floor. There was so much about her that I still didn't know about, but with everything I found out I realized just how special she really is. I didn't know much about bone marrow transplants but the one thing that I did know was that it hurt like hell and that it was hard to move without feeling pain for up to three months after.

"I...I can't believe she didn't tell me. What she did was amazing and so selfless. She never tells me the good stuff."

"She never tells you the good stuff because she's been made to believe her whole life that she's a failure. And in her mind she failed again, because he died."

"But he didn't die because of that. I mean he was in remission right? It must have worked."

"It did work. And he lived for another year and a half because of it. But that's not what she'll focus on. She'll say it wasn't good enough, or she ate something she wasn't supposed to before the procedure that messed it up, or that she healed too quickly for it to work or something like that. She's not a negative person she's just been made to believe that she can't do anything right."

Just then I heard Marissa throwing up in the bathroom. I jumped off the bed and threw the door open kneeling down at her side. I grabbed her hair with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. I looked up at the door and Luke was standing in the doorway. "You got this one?" he asked almost in a whisper.

"Yeah," I said, "I'll give you a call if I need help. Thanks man." he nodded and I watched him turn away. Marissa threw up four more times before she placed her cheek on the side of the toilet and closed her eyes. I reached behind me and grabbed a towel off of the rack and began to wipe her face down. She was sweating and breathing heavy. I threw the towel to the side, picked her up and put her into bed. She curled up in a ball as I laid down on the other side of the bed. "You okay?" I asked. She nodded her head yes. "And you know that I love you?" I said brushing her hair away from her eyes. She nodded again. "You did everything you possibly could Marissa, you were so brave. There wasn't anything left that you could have done to save him."

"You think I'm brave? You honestly think I'm the brave one here? Leukemia Justin. He had round after round of chemo. He was practically cut off from the world for an entire year because if anyone went near him and got him sick he'd die, and for what? Just to die anyway? And I'm the brave one. Why? Because Luke made me out to be the hero because I donated bone marrow to my cousin so that he could live? Look what that did for him, he'd dead Justin. DEAD!"

"But he got to live for a whole other year. Without you he wouldn't have done that babe. Give yourself some credit here; what you did was an amazing thing that most people wouldn't even think of doing. You gave him an extra year of life. You let him see his friends and family, and go back to school. You allowed him to live Marissa, without you he would have died cooped up in his bedroom alone, but because of you he got to live his last year of life to the fullest. I know this is hard, believe me I do but stop beating yourself up."

"HE'S GONE JUSTIN. And you want me to be fucking proud of myself for what I did? He is gone...GONE. He died while I was having the time of my life in Florida. I should have been here, what if they needed more bone marrow I could have given it to them but no, I was selfishly frolicking around in Miami with my celebrity boyfriend that will probably be in my life for a year tops before he leaves me too." She was crying now. Shaking and crying. I knew she probably didn't mean what she just said, but it still stung a little bit. She was sobbing on my shoulder and I had no clue what to do or say. I shouldn't feel hurt but I did, and I didn't know how to make my pain or her pain go away.

"I'm not going anywhere," was all I could come up with to say.

"That's not true Justin, everyone fucking leaves."

"SHUT UP," I heard someone say from the doorway. I turned my head and saw Luke standing there. "Marissa I love you, and I'm sorry the Frankie is gone, I loved him just as much as you did. But you need to shut up and look around. I know that your parents made you feel like a failure your entire life and between them and Brandon they made you believe that not only were you a failure but that no one would ever love you and stand by you but open your damn eyes," he started walking towards her and kneeled down on the bed in front of her, "Marissa, I've been around for seven years and I'm not going anywhere. You are my best friend can't you see that? And next to you is your fucking boyfriend that cares so much about you. He postponed his tour for you. He's here in your hometown going to a wake and funeral of someone he didn't even know for you. He's meeting your family and friends for you. He just held your fucking hair up while you puked your brains up for you. He's in love with you, he's not going anywhere and everyone can see that but you. Things have changed Maris," he said picking up her hands, "People care about you. They care so much and it kills us to see you like this. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad, you should be. But stop putting everything on yourself; you have to stop looking at the glass as half empty. There was absolutely nothing left for you to do. No bone marrow was going to make him live longer, you being here and holding his hand wouldn't have made him live any longer either. Frankie would have wanted you to be with Justin sweetie. He wanted to see you happy. He's wanted to see the smile that Justin puts on your face for years. He's not in pain anymore Marissa, and he'll always be with you. You have to stop, open your eyes and look around. This is hard, yes, but everything else around you is getting better. Accept it, be happy about it. Justin isn't going anywhere, and I'm here for you always. He loves you for real, get that through your head and realize that you've got someone so great beside you and appreciate it."

The room went silent. She looked down at her hands that were still in Lukes'. After a few minutes Luke got up off the bed and apologized for bursting in, but he had left one of his bags in our room. He was about to walk out when Marissa let out an I'm sorry so softly it was almost impossible to hear. "No one is asking you to be sorry," Luke said, "We're just asking you to be happy," and with that he turned around and walked out of the room. We just sat for about 10 minutes, neither one of us saying a word. I was about to get up when she turned around and sat directly in front of me.

"I'm sorry about what I said before..."

"Babe, it's okay you were upset," I cut her off.

"No, it's not okay. Upset or not I shouldn't have said what I did to you. Luke was right, Frankie would have wanted me to be with you, and I do need to open my eyes. You are the greatest thing that has ever come into my life, and I should treat you like that, and I haven't been. Thank you for everything Justin, I honestly don't know where I'd be right now without you in my life, and I'm sorry for everything. I made you feel like shit I could tell from the look on your face before, I'm really sorry."

"I know you are, and I accept your apology," I said pulling her into a hug. "I love you and I'm not going anywhere I promise you. I know this is really hard for you but I'm here every step of the way as long as you want me to be."

"This is really hard, but it's a little bit easier having you with me. I know you're not going anywhere I really and truly do, and I appreciate you, and I love you so much Justin," she said nuzzling her head on my shoulder before pulling me down on the pillows with her.

"I'm going to go change then come back and sleep with you. It's been a long day, and tomorrow will probably be even longer."

"Okay," she said letting me get out of bed. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up a little bit. I knew housekeeping would be here in the morning but I couldn't leave this for them to clean. After washing the toilet as best I could, I changed into a pair of boxers grabbed a bottle of water and slipped into bed with my sleeping girlfriend next to me. What Luke said, even though it sounded harsh was exactly what she needed to hear. I could tell just by talking to her for five minutes after that she was going to have a brand new outlook on life. She was turning the page, starting a new chapter. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't seem to stop humming a melody in my head. Mentally I started writing a song.

When I was younger never went to far
Held my feelings and never even wanted to start
So when I met you, I didn't know
What you were gonna do with my heart

It was all coming to me so fast, and I knew I had to write it down. I rolled over looking for a piece of paper and a pen but there was nothing there. I grabbed my cell phone that was sitting on the end table, got out of bed and walked into the living room stopping right outside the bedroom door. I called my house in LA leaving myself a message singing the song as softly as possible so that I wouldn't wake her up.

When you talk I cling on every word you say
When you move, just like a breeze on a summer day

When you smile, the sky turns from grey to blue, that's what you do

And your the kind of girl I think of
And your the kind of girl I dream about
My heart is telling me that I need you in my world (in my world)
Cause you my kind of lady, your my kind of girl

When I'm not with you, where ever you are
Baby I'm counting the moments till I'm back in your arms
All I want is to have you here with me
Every night and every day

"Justin...?"

"Yeah baby?" I jumped hitting the end button as soon as I heard her.

"I was just making sure you were still here."

"I'm here," I said climbing back into bed and kissing her softly on the lips, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to fall asleep because then tomorrow will come and I'll have to say goodbye."

"I know baby. I wish I could take the pain away from you."

"I can't believe he's gone."

"He's in a better place now though."

"Yeah...he hated your music," she said with a chuckle, "but he would have loved you."

"You think?"

"Mmmhmm...You make me happy, that's all he ever wanted for me. Not to mention you guys would have talked sports for days at a time. He was such an amazing person Justin, I wish you could have met him."

"Me too baby."

"Do you think the media will find out?" she asked kissing my chest.

"Probably, but we'll be fine I don't want you worrying about that."

"I love you Justin."

"I love you too Ris."