She was squeezing my hand and tears were rolling down her face. Across from me, my best friend was down on one knee holding the hand of her best friend, his girlfriend and asking for her hand in marriage. I never thought this day would come. Trace and I vowed to be bachelors for life at age 8 and now both of us are in committed relationships. Marissa was looking on like she was watching a chick flick and Amy was full out freaking out. Trace pulled the ring that we went to buy two weeks ago out of his pocket and placed it on Amy's finger before she jumped into his arms and said yes about a thousand times. The whole restaurant started clapping and both of there faces turned beet red. Marissa jumped up and ran over to Amy and they both looked like little schoolgirls jumping up and down, crying and hugging each other. I couldn't help but smile looking at how happy and excited Marissa was. She was a totally different person then she was nine months ago. Her tears were now happy tears, and a smile was constantly on her face. She's surrounding herself with people that keep her positive and instead of keeping everything inside, she now speaks her feelings. She's still the same girl I fell in love with, but at the same time she's totally different. I still haven't figured her out completely and I don't think I ever will, but that's okay because it keeps me on my toes. She's perfect for me that much I know and that is all that really matters.

I saw Trace walking over to me out of the corner of my eye and I snapped out of my daze. "Congrats man. Who would have thought Trace Ayala would have been the first one to settle down," I shook his hand and pulled him in for a hug.

"Thanks J. Yet again I have you to thank for this. If it weren't for you and you're stupidity Eric would have never brought Marissa to you, and I would have never met Amy. So thanks for being a jackass."

"I do what I can for my friends," I said with a laugh.

"It's only right that they're best friends," Trace said while we looked at the two girls, Amy was shocked that Marissa knew for the past two weeks and Marissa was relieved that she was able to keep the secret and that Amy wasn't as mad as she thought she was going to be for moving out. "I don't think I'd be able to marry someone that didn't understand how this bromance worked, but now it's like the Brady Bunch."

"I hope you don't think we're going to buy a house together and live happily ever after, because that my friend will never happen."

"Damn, You're crushing my dreams."

"Sorry man, my girl likes to be loud and I wouldn't want to disturb you."

"Okay thanks. Put that on the list of things I don't need to know." I patted his back and pulled my beautiful girlfriend who was walking back over to me into a hug. We finished our dessert and then parted ways with Trace and Amy.

*** 

She was quite in the car, almost too quite. We drove in silence back to our apartment. She was looking out the window most of the time, and when she wasn't she was looking down at her hands, her thumbs twirling. Something was wrong, and I've known this for the past couple of days but I can't seem to figure out what it is. I don't want to ask her because if she wanted me to know she would tell me, but I'm starting to get concerned. She moved in with me three weeks ago and things have been going great. It's been a lot easier with her living with me, not only on our relationship but also with keeping up with the apartment itself. I told her about Trace and Amy before I left for LA and when I came back a week and a half later she was all moved in and everything was looking good. Then two days ago she started getting distant, and last night she went to bed without even saying goodnight. When I woke up this morning she was playing the piano, which was something she hadn't done since the first time she saw it eight months ago. When I walked in she stopped playing and got up giving me a quick peck on the lips then walked into the kitchen and made breakfast. I almost felt like dinner tonight was all an act. She held my hand for the first time in 48 hours and acted like she was three days ago, but the minute we got in the car it all went back to the way things were. We pulled into the parking lot our apartment complex and she didn't move.

"Ris?" She was staring out the front window in a complete daze, "Babe...MARISSA!" She jumped and her head shot over to look at me.

"Huh? What? Sorry I didn't hear what you said."

"We're home."

"Oh, yeah I didn't even realize..."

"I know you didn't realize it because you were off in space..." She reached for the handle and started pushing her door open. I reached over her and pulled it closed, which made her look at me with questioning eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I'm just tired that's all."

"I don't buy it."

"There's nothing to buy Justin, I'm tired."

"You went to bed at 9:00 last night, I don't think you're tired."

"What now I can't go to bed when I want to?" she asked with an attitude.

"You can go to bed whenever you want, I just want to know what's wrong. I'm not stupid, you haven't been yourself for the past two days."

"I'm fine Justin, I'm just tired, now can I get out of the car?"

"Marissa..."

"JUSTIN! I'm fine," she kicked the door open with her foot, slammed the door and stormed off. I watched her walk into the building and sat in the car trying to calm down and not walk into the apartment mad and cause a fight. Ten minutes later I unlocked the door that she made a point to lock behind her and walked right over to the couch. Our bedroom door was shut and I could hear the music blaring. Any other time I'd go in there and make fun of her for listening to my music but I knew this time it wasn't just for fun, she was upset, or mad or sad at something and this was her way of dealing with it. But what was she upset about? I don't think I did anything to set her off, but there's no other reason why she wouldn't come to me if something was wrong. I turned the TV on hoping that giving her time would help the situation and I must have dozed off. I woke up and the clock on the wall read 1:00am and a rerun of E! News was on the TV. I caught bits and pieces of what Ryan Secrest was saying, as I threw some blankets on top of the couch and set up some pillows. I knew I was in the doghouse I just didn't know for what, and I knew that if I went into bed she'd probably freak out. My head shot up when I heard Ryan say something about breaking news in the world of Justin Timberlake. I sat down staring at the television screen unable to comprehend what I was hearing.

Marissa Mitchell, the girlfriend of superstar Justin Timberlake is making headlines of her own this week. Our sources have told us that Mitchell is dropping out of school because Timberlake is mad that she's spending more time there then she is with him. As previously reported, Mitchell moved into Timberlake's Brownstone Apartment in Boston about three weeks ago. Could the two be settling down? Are the rumors true this time; is Mitchell pregnant with his child? We also have shocking new details about Mitchell's past, coming up in about 15 minutes."

I stared at the screen knowing damn well that I shouldn't believe anything that is said on an entertainment news show, they say things for ratings and mentioning me and my relationship will bring them ratings. She wasn't dropping out of school, she would have talked to me about it first if she was going to, not to mention the fact that she only had one semester left and she worked so hard her whole life to prove everyone wrong, she wouldn't drop out. But something was nagging me inside making me question if what was just said was actually true. She had gotten her grades last week and she'd done really well. If things kept up next semester she'd be graduating with honors. I sat with her to chose her classes; she was excited about graduation there was no way. My thoughts were cut off when I heard Ryan's voice again, and this time I understood what he was saying.

We're back with more breaking news in the world of JT and Marissa Mitchell. We have been contacted by a source close to the couple about Marissa's past drug use and alcohol abuse, which lead to her allegedly being raped. Our sources tell us that when Mitchell was 18 she got high with an ex-boyfriend and was allegedly raped by a mutual friend. The case was thrown out in court due to the fact that Mitchell was in an altered state at the time and didn't have backing evidence. Mitchell continued to abuse drugs and alcohol until she met Timberlake who has helped her become clean and sober. The source also tells us that Timberlake is quote so over Mitchell, but is afraid to leave her because he knows she'll go back to using and he doesn't want to be associated with a druggie. We'll have more on this story as the details continue to roll in. G, what've you got on the flip side?"

There was one sentence of truth in that entire statement, Marissa was raped. Everything else was complete and utter bullshit and it took everything in me to not call Ryan Secrest personally and tell him off. I went to grab my phone to call my publicist and straighten this out immediately when I saw an issue of US Weekly sitting on the coffee table opened to an unflattering picture of Marissa walking down the street with the caption "Back on Drugs?" above her head. I read the article and it mentioned something about the rape in it. This is what she was upset about. They'd dug things up on her and reported stuff about her past before, they've even printed page upon page of false negative information, but they've yet to print an article about the rape and now here it was, front and center with a million lies attached to it. In a way I was relieved that she wasn't mad at something I did, but at the same time I probably should have known or at least have been able to figure it out these past two days. I got up with the magazine in my hand and opened the bedroom door. The lights were still on and she was curled up in a ball on top of the covers with used tissues in her hand. Music was playing lightly and her mouth was open a little making her breathing more defined. I laid down behind her wrapping my arm around her waist; she stirred a little bit and put her hand on top of mine. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her but I knew I had to do something. I pulled her closer to me knowing that she'd probably wake up, and knowing that she'd probably yell at me but I had to take care of this now. She rolled over and was facing me now, her eyes still closed but I knew she was awake. She let out a huge sigh when I started rubbing her back and tried to get out of my grip. When I wouldn't let her she opened her eyes and glared at me, if looks could kill then I'd be dead.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked.

"It's the middle of the night is it really that important that you had to wake me up?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of? Really Justin, I told you I was tired and now I'm sleeping so if this could wait until the morning that would be great." She rolled over so that her back was towards me again. I counted to ten so that I wouldn't start yelling because she was really starting to piss me off.

"Ris, I really need to talk to you...now."

"Well now isn't really a good time for me."

"I'm trying really hard to not get mad and yell at you right now, but you're making it really difficult."

"Then get mad Justin," she flipped over and sat up so that she was now looking at me, "Get fucking mad. Life isn't all daisies and sunflowers all the time and no one is happy and living a perfect life 24/7. Get fucking mad Justin, yell and scream and be pissed off at me. See what your problem is, is that you try and fix everything and because of who you are it usually works because you always get your way. But guess what, I'm not your mother and I don't cater to your every need, and I'm not your management so you don't pay me to do what you want, and I'm not some fan that will bow down and kiss your feet if you asked them to. I'm your fucking girlfriend who sometimes doesn't want to be told that everything is going to be okay because everything isn't always going to be okay."

"I'm not asking you to do any of that Marissa. I'm asking to have a fucking conversation with you since you've barely said two words to me in the past 48 hours. Something is wrong and for some reason you're not telling me what it is. I know I didn't do anything to make you upset, and I know I haven't done anything to make you think that if you tell me something bad is going to happen. So now that you're awake and now that I'm yelling I want you to fucking talk to me and tell me what's wrong because I have a good idea as to what it is and I'm VERY confused as to why you wouldn't tell me."

"It's nothing that I can't handle on my own."

"Since when do we not handle things together? Last time I checked we were a team."

"Since I don't want to hear you say it's going to be okay. And since I want to feel like I can do something on my own again, because for the past 9 months everything has been okay because you have handled it."

"WE have handled it Marissa. Not me, and not you. We have handled it together. There has to be something that you're hiding from me."

"I'm not hiding anything from you Justin."

"Except the reason why you're upset. Which I'm going to assume is because of this," I pulled the magazine out from behind me and she looked at it quickly before looking away. "So tell me Marissa, is there a past history of drug use? Or are you just mad because they lied about it and tied it into the rape. Are you really dropping out of school or was that made up too? You want me to be mad, I'm mad. In fact I'm pissed the fuck off that I actually have to sit here and question you because of a fucking magazine article that I found open on OUR coffee table because you just decided to turn yourself off these past few days. What happened to you Marissa? Everything was great, the smile didn't leave your face and now you're back to your old self. Closed off and upset."

"I'm sorry that's not good enough for you Justin." She started turning away again and I pulled her towards me. She was wiggling to get out but I wouldn't let go. She wanted me to get mad so I did and now there's no turning back. "Let go of me Justin."

"No I won't let go until you answer my questions."

"You should know the answer to those questions Justin. I'm not going to waste my time by answering them."

"You're right, I should know but I don't because you won't fucking talk to me. So answer the questions."

"You would know if I'm on drugs Justin."

"That wasn't the fucking question."

"Do you honestly think I had a drug problem? After everything that I've told you, you're really questioning if I've done drugs?"

"Just answer the question...Jesus!"

"NO JUSTIN. I never have nor will I ever have a fucking drug problem okay?"

"And you're not dropping out of school?"

"Last time I checked I was still enrolled, but you can check up on that in the morning. I'm sure they'll cater to your every need even if it's not legal to give out someone else's personal information."

"So then what is the problem Marissa?"

"THERE IS NO PROBLEM!"

"Then what is with your fucking attitude? Are you upset because the rape story came out? Are you mad that they are claiming you're on drugs? What is it?"

"I've dealt with lies and negative press for nine months, I'm not going to get upset about it now."

"I don't know what your deal is right now Marissa but you need to either tell me what's wrong so that we can fix it, or figure it out for yourself and fast. Because I didn't ask this Marissa to move in with me. I'm not going to sit here and be ignored and treated like shit by my girlfriend who supposedly loves me and be happy about it and act like nothing is wrong. So figure it out."

"Or else what Justin? You'll kick me to the curb? Send me back to my dorm room, to lead a normal life?"

"Is that what you want? Is that what this is about? Not having a normal life? Because no one is holding you hostage Marissa if you want to go then go."

"You know that's not what I want," she said glaring at me.

"Well then figure out what it is that you want. Because this isn't going to work much longer if you keep this up," I said getting off the bed. No longer did I feel like I had to sleep on the couch, now I actually wanted to sleep on the couch.

I slammed the bedroom door behind me and threw myself onto my bed for the night. The TV was still flickering and I realized I still had the magazine in my hand. I flung it at the bedroom door and watched it fall, the pages fluttering open as it made its decent. I was fuming which is exactly what I was trying to avoid this whole time. We've never fought like this before. Sure we've had our disagreements but there was never a night that I actually wanted to be away from her, or a night that I didn't tell her that I loved her before we went to sleep. This was killing me. I wanted to go in there and straighten it out but I knew I was only going to make things worse not only for me but also for her. I decided to try and sleep it off but once 5am rolled around and I was still tossing and turning, I got up and started getting ready for the day.

I went into the bathroom and realized that I was probably out of line last night saying some of the things that I said, and made it a point to apologize to her for that as well as do things that she loved in an attempt to make peace. I squirted shaving cream onto my hand and rubbed it on my face. If there was one thing she loved the most it was a cleanly shaven face. She'd always scrunch up her nose after I kissed her when there was too much hair on my face and claimed that it was distracting. I haven't made it a point to shave in the past couple of days because sometimes I can act like a child and to me it was a form of payback for the way she was acting. I was so delusional from lack of sleep that after I was done shaving I threw a brand new razor into the trash. At first I was just going to leave it there, but something told me to go take it out it was brand new after all. I reached down into the trash and tugged on the razor and almost as if in slow motion, I saw something fall out of a tissue and onto the floor of the bathroom. I stood there staring at it, unable to pick it up off the floor. I dropped the razor back into the trash and sat down on the floor next to it, banging my head against the wall. After a good 10-20 minutes of doing nothing but staring, I picked it up off the floor and went back to the couch. I crossed my legs over the arm of the couch and held it in my hands over my head flipping it over again and again continuing to just stare. I honestly couldn't tell you how much time went by before I heard the bedroom door open. I took my eyes off of it and saw her standing there, her mouth wide open in shock.

"Still nothing you want to tell me?" I asked now looking at her. Her eyes started to water and her lips were moving but nothing was coming out. "You sure there's no problem? Nothing that might be life changing that you forgot to mention?"

"Justin I..."

"Justin I what Marissa? You forgot? It's not yours? You thought I didn't need to know or wouldn't find out?"

"It's nothing. It's being taken care of."

"What the FUCK is that suppose to mean?" I said sitting up and giving her a death stare.

"It means exactly what it sounds like." She turned around and started walking back into the bedroom before I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to come back. She slowly walked over to me in a way that any outsider would think she was afraid of me. She sat down on the complete opposite end of the couch. I took a few large deep breaths and tried to calm down before I spoke to her. I needed to be rational and have a clear mind in order for this not to blow up into an even bigger argument then before. I couldn't look at her; if I did I'd probably explode so I spoke to her while looking down at the hardwood floor below me.

"First of all I want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry for what I said to you last night about figuring things out and all that. Second of all, I want you to know that this is something that we can get through together. I'm not going to say it's going to be okay because I know you don't want to hear that, but together we can do this. And lastly, baby I need you to just please talk to me and tell me everything. I know you're probably flipping out right now but I just need to know okay? I don't know why you kept this from me, but I don't even care right now. I just need you to have a civilized conversation with me about this. Please."

"There's nothing to tell you. It's being taken care of."

"Tell me what you mean."

"You know what I mean Justin, you're not stupid."

"I want you to say it. Out loud, tell me what you're going to do."

"No."

"No...Okay, so tell me this, do I have any say in this?"

"No."

"So you had no intentions on telling me this? You felt no need to fill me in? How long did you think you'd be able to hide this?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"Anything." I looked up at her and saw her wipe a tear that was about to fall off her face. "I don't know anything. The only thing I do know is that after all this you're probably going to leave me. I don't know why I didn't tell you. I don't know why I can't handle this the right way, and I don't know why I'm taking it all out on you. I honestly don't know if I would have ever told you if you didn't find it. I don't know Justin."

"I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you I'm not mad because I'm fucking pissed off. But I'm going to put those feelings aside right now and I want to sit here and have a conversation with you and figure this out because there is one thing that I know, and that is that you will not be "taking care of it" on your own."

"You know where I stand on this."

"And you know where I stand, and this isn't just your decision. So lets talk about it."

"I don't know what you want me to say here."

"For now I just want you to listen," I turned to face her and she was crying, her elbows on her knees twirling her thumbs unable to look up at me. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders and her head fell onto my chest like it always does. "I've said since day one that I'm not going anywhere and I will stand by that forever. I know that you think that you can't do this, but I know that you can. And together we can do it 100 times better. This isn't only your problem, in fact it's not even a problem at all."

"I'm still in school Justin. I'm about to celebrate my 22nd birthday, and I haven't experienced half of what I wanted to before this happened. I have a job that I can barely get by on myself, and I know that I won't be good at it not to mention the fact that we'll have to do it with the whole world watching."

"You're only looking at it negatively. You're almost 22 and you've experienced and overcome more then some people do there entire lives. You have gotten by on that job for years and you're supporting yourself with no help from your parents or anyone for that matter. Have you not realized that I could support you, 20 children, 35 dogs and me without working another day of my life? That's not something you should even be thinking about. And not only will you be good at it, but you'll be incredibly amazing at it. Think about it Ris. I know it's scary and something that you never imagined yourself doing but think about it. A little person that's half me and half you that loves us unconditionally. You couldn't do anything to make that little baby hate you or do something to hurt you. Think about when it's born how it'll wrap it's little hand around your finger and look at you with so much love. I know you have the final say in this but you need to know that you are the only person that I'd ever even consider being the mother of my children. I know that now might not be the best time in your eyes for that to happen, but think about everything else that you've overcome and how much easier this will be compared to that. You'll be graduated before it's born, we'll be in LA which is your dream, you'll have a better job and it will connect us forever. Who cares if the whole world is watching it hasn't bothered you yet so why should it bother you now. All that matters is me and you and that baby. We could be the family that you always wanted."

"The fact that this baby is half me is the problem. I don't want someone else to have to go through what I've gone through. I don't want this baby to feel the way I feel sometimes. How can I love this child if no one ever showed me how to love a child? I don't want to make the same mistakes my parents made, but they are who I learned from. You said the day I met you that you didn't want to have kids and now all of a sudden you want me to pop out a million of them and I can't do that Justin. I'll be living in constant fear that I'm doing it wrong and that I'm fucking this kids life up and I don't want a child to feel the same way towards me as I feel towards my parents." I stood up off the couch and knelt down in front of her taking her face in my hands. She was still crying and even though I was trying my hardest to hold back tears of my own I couldn't help but let them fall when I saw the look in her eyes.

"Do you love me?" I asked in a shaky voice. She nodded her head. "If you can love me babe, then you can love this baby. You instantly fall in love with your child you don't even need to try. You may not think you will right now but I promise you that the moment you see it's face you will fall in love and you'll just know what to do. When I first met you I didn't want kids. I also thought I'd never want to get married but you changed all that for me. I know this wasn't planned but this could be the greatest thing that's ever happened in your entire life, and you're about to throw it all away before you even give it a chance. If you love me and you trust me like you say you do, then trust me now. We can do this Marissa. Please, please do this with me."

"What if I fuck up?"

"Then I'll be there to fix it. Just like you'll be there to fix it if I fuck up. Everyone makes mistakes and no child is raised perfectly."

"I can't say yes," my eyes dropped from hers and I could feel more tears forming. I knew that I couldn't make this decision for her, it was her body and half her child but deep down I felt like if I couldn't convince her I'd be killing my own kid. I felt her thumbs wipe my tears away and she pulled my face back up to her to look her in the eye, "but I'm not saying no." A thousand pounds were lifted off of my shoulders and a smile formed on my face.

"Really?"

"I have a doctors appointment today. Lets just go and see what happens."

"Sounds like a plan." I stood up feeling relieved, like I've just accomplished the greatest feat of my life.

"And I'm really sorry," I spun around to look back at her, "I don't know what I was thinking by not telling you. And honestly I didn't know what was going to happen today. I don't even believe in abortion I just...I didn't know what else to do and I thought you'd be mad if I told you...I just...I'm sorry."

"Lets just get through today and then we can talk about it okay?" She nodded her head knowing that what she did wasn't just going to go away. I can look past it right now, but soon probably tomorrow we're going to have to talk about it. What she did was beyond wrong and it wasn't something I can just disregard, but that doesn't mean I'm going to just walk out on her. I love her too much to do that, and now there's a baby to think about too. A baby. My baby. Our baby. I'm going to be a father.

***

The doctors' office was small and cold. Marissa held onto my hand so tight I was starting to lose circulation. They whisked us inside through the back entrance and she has been lying on this damn table for almost a half an hour. I was looking over at a wall full of pictures that the doctor had delivered and pictured my son or daughter on that wall in 9 months. There was so much we had to do to prepare for this baby, and I was so excited to tell my mother she was going to be a grandma. She's dreamed of it since the day I was born and I've been telling her for years to let it go because it was never going to happen, and now it is. The nurse walking in took me out of my daze and made Marissa's grasp stronger. I rubbed my thumb along the back of her hands as the nurse started prepping the ultra sound and asked her a bunch of questions. I watched the nurse put gel on her stomach and take out what looked like a wand and move it around over the gel.

"How far along do you think you are?" she asked Marissa.

"Umm..I was on medication for food poisoning about 4 or 5 weeks ago and I think that might have messed with my birth control so..."

"That's more common then you'd ever think," the nurse said back with a smile. Marissa just lay there not saying a word. A few seconds later we heard what sounded like waves. I looked up at Marissa and a single tear fell down her cheek. "That's the babies heartbeat, nice and strong." I stood up placing a kiss on her forehead, not knowing if those were tears of joy or what.

"You okay babe?" She nodded, her eyes squeezed shut.

"Yeah...I want this baby Justin."

"I knew you would." She wrapped her arms around my neck as the nurse wiped her stomach off and pulled her shirt down. "I love you. We're going to get through this together, I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, we're just going to need to take some blood work to see how far along you are and you'll be all set to go. We have your prenatal vitamins waiting for you at the front desk, and Cindy will set you up with your next appointment," the nurse said.

"Great," I replied backing away and sitting back down next to Marissa. The nurse was prepping her to take blood and continued asking her questions. I was beyond excited and the smile never left my face. I even saw a smile creep up on Marissa's every once and a while. She drew the blood and gave Marissa some crackers while finishing up the paperwork.

"Okay, one last question and you're free to go. This is your first pregnancy correct?"

"Yes," I replied quickly but faintly heard her speak at the same time.

"I'm sorry did you say yes or no Miss Mitchell?"

"I...I said...I said no."