I haven't been home in years. The past few years I didn't even come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. But when I stepped off the plane and onto the tarmac it was like I was just here yesterday. Nothing ever changes here. There's nature, dirt roads, general stores and the same people that were here 50 years ago. The dogs ran off the plane and for the first time in a while they didn't need to be on leashes and there were no cameras in my face. The past three months I've basically been paparazzi free since I didn't really leave much, but here there isn't even a small worry that I'd be hounded. I let the dogs run around for a while before I whistled for them and walked over to the car that was waiting for me to drive me to my parents' house. I had my own house in Shelby Forest, just a few blocks over from my parents but I needed to be with them. In reality I just couldn't be alone.

I pulled into my parents' driveway and just sat for a couple of minutes. I didn't know what I was doing here exactly but I just knew I had to get out of Boston and going to LA or New York just didn't sound appealing to me. I needed to clear my head, sort out all the crap that's gone on and figure out what I'm going to do with my life. My parents had no idea about what has gone on these past few months, they think things are the same as they were three months ago and I have no intentions on letting them know that it's not. I snapped out of my daze when I saw my mother running towards the car with a look of shock on her face. I hadn't exactly told her I was coming. She opened the door and practically jumped into my lap.

"Justin! Why didn't you tell us you were coming sweetie? Oh it's so good to see you!" She was squeezing me so hard I wasn't sure I'd be able to breath much longer.

"Surprise," I replied trying my best to put on a happy face. She loosened her grip after about two minutes and backed away looking around me, I turned to see what she was looking at but didn't see anything. "What are you looking at?"

"Where's Marissa baby? I told you to bring her the next time you came." Well, the whole not thinking about Marissa for a couple of day's thing went down the drain real fast. I turned around again almost expecting to see her sitting there, and when I didn't a knot formed in my stomach. I must have made a face because my mother went from Miss Chipper Pants to Mama mode within seconds. "Justin what's wrong? Is everything okay with you guys?"

"Yeah...yeah Mama everything's great. She just...you know school and work and all that, so...yeah."

"Are you sure your okay? You don't look too good sweetheart."

"Mmhmm...yeah I'm fine just tired that's all, and you know how much I hate flying so..."

"Okay if you say so. Let's get you inside. Granny's here she just made your favorite."

The moment I sat down at the kitchen table and Granny put her Peach Cobbler in front of me, I understood why I came to Tennessee and not LA. I needed some good home cooking, and I needed to be surrounded by people that loved me. When I came home it was like I was ten again, my mother made my bed, there was always food on the table and at the end of the day when I got tired I'd lay on the couch with my head in my mothers lap and she'd rub my head until I fell asleep. Sometimes I just needed to be a kid again and now was exactly that time.

I woke up at 7am and went out for a run with the dogs. Exercise, something I haven't done in a long time. I ran about a mile before I had to slow down to a walk. I was out of shape, extremely out of shape. I stepped on the scale when I woke up and realized that I'd lost about 15 pounds that I'm sure was all muscle because my clothes no longer fit me the way they use to. I went down to the general store and bought a few essentials that my mother asked me to pick up, milk, bread, butter, the usual. I tied the dogs out front and walked in saying hello to Lenny the 85-year-old owner of the store. I threw everything in a basket and walked back to counter to pay.

"How ya doin' kid? Long time no see," Lenny said.

"I'm good Lenny, it has been a while. How are things going here?"

"Same old, same old. Saw you on the TV a few months back. We're so proud of you here. People come in and say 'hey ain't that Timberlake boy from here?' and we're always so excited to say that you are."

"Thanks Len...it means a lot." I reached in my back pocket for my wallet while Lenny rang up the rest of my items.

"Since when does your Mama drink skim milk son?"

"What?" I looked up at the milk he was holding in his hand. I just couldn't get away from her, not even when I'm out buying fucking milk. "Sorry, I must have grabbed the wrong one my gir...I grabbed the wrong one, I'll be right back." I walked to the back of the store putting the milk with the blue cap back and picking up one with a yellow cap. Walking back up to the counter I shook my head trying to get the memory of us in the grocery store for the first time out of my head. We both reached out for a milk carton and looked at each other with disapproving faces. She had skim in her hand and I had whole milk in mine. We fought in the dairy isle of Whole Foods for a good ten minutes before she convinced me to try skim. I didn't have a choice really, she told me if she drank whole milk she'd throw up so clearly her reason was a better one. Come to think of it, she won most of our arguments. Did I always give in? Or was she actually right most of the time?

"All set there kid?"

"Oh yeah...sorry," I put the milk on the counter snapping out of my daze and paid the bill. "See ya soon Lenny, thanks!"

"Bye son...next time bring that girl of yours that I see you on the TV with, we'd love to meet her."

"Maybe next time Lenny...maybe next time." I walked out of the store more aggravated then I was before I left Boston. My hope when coming here was to take my mind of things, start fresh but now everything and everyone was reminding me of her. I untied the dogs and this time ran the whole way back to my house.

***

A week had past and my mind was no clearer then it was when I got here. Instead of trying to get back on a schedule I mostly moped around the house all day, occasionally taking the dogs out for a walk or sitting in the backyard with them while they ran around. I went golfing with my dad twice, both times we discussed when I planned on moving back to LA and what my next step was going to be with my career which was something I hadn't really thought of in a while. I thought that after a couple of months I'd get restless and need to be back in the studio, but up until a couple of months ago it really didn't bother me. I'd sit at my piano and write but I didn't feel the need to go back to LA and start the craziness of another album yet. My thought process for the rest of the time was what's going to happen with Marissa. I can't seem to get past the fact that not only did she not tell me that she was pregnant and had every intention of keeping it from me, but that she failed to tell me that she was ever pregnant before. Trust for me is a huge factor in a relationship, and now I just don't know if I can ever trust her again. Even when I didn't want to think about her, I somehow always reverted back to her. My mother who she was so concerned wouldn't like her, now wouldn't shut up about her. She was planning a graduation party for her because we had told her we'd come for Christmas this year, and that was all she could talk about. She was asking me question after question about what kind of food she liked, and what her favorite color was, what her dream job is and her favorite hobbies. After a while I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Can we talk about something else please?" I asked slamming my head down on the kitchen table. I felt my mothers hand on my back and tried to pull myself together before I looked up at her, but I couldn't so I just kept my head down.

"Justin what's wrong sweetie?"

"Nothing...I just want to talk about something else."

"But there has to be a reason."

"I've been here for a week and all we've talked about is Marissa, can't we just change the subject."

"I'm not stupid Justin. You've been acting strange all week and I haven't said anything but I know something is up so why don't you just tell us."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you two break up?"

"I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"Watch your tone young man," Granny said, "Don't you talk to your mother like that."

"I'm sorry...We're fine, I just don't want to talk about it. I came here for some peace and quiet, to clear my head and I can't do that if all we talk about is her."

"Justin tell me what's wrong," my mother said again. I slammed my hands down on the table and pushed my seat back standing up and looking at her dead in the eyes.

"I...don't...want...to...talk about it! Give me a fucking break God!"

"Justin!"

"I'm sorry Granny but I'm 26 years old, you're going to have to get use to me swearing sometimes."

"Justin Randall..."

"Mama...just stop. I'm going out."

"Where are you going?"

"Away from here." And with that I called for the dogs and walked out the door. I walked for a good four hours and decided to go back when I realized the dogs started lagging behind. They'd sure sleep well tonight. In those four hours I concluded that there was no way anything was going to be made any clearer then it already was. I either needed to get past the fact that she lied, then kept something from me and go back to the way things were, or I'd have to move on and figure out what to do with the baby. The baby. I still can't really believe it. In five months I'm going to be a father and I still haven't told anyone about it. Sure Trace knows but we haven't talked about it because that would involve talking about Marissa and he won't bring her up unless I do, not to mention the fact that I haven't really talked to Trace in about a month. I made a mental note to call him tonight before I sat down at the lake near my parents' house. I let the dogs off their leashes to go swimming, Buckley ran right in the water and Brennon plopped down next to me, too tired to even think about swimming. I laid back listening to the leaves crunch as I did so and closed my eyes, hoping for answers. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but I was hoping I'd get some sure sign pointing me in one direction or another. Soon I heard leaves crunching again, and footsteps getting closer. 

"Are my eyes deceiving me or has Justin Randall Timberlake come back to his old stomping grounds? I thought you forgot about us."

"Well well well...if it isn't Miss Katie Connors," I said sitting up as she sat down next to me, "what brings you to the lake this fine evening."

"Honestly?"

"No, please lie to me," I laughed.

"Well if you want me to lie then I was just walking by and saw you, but if you want the truth...your Mama called me, told me you'd gone for a walk 4 hours ago and didn't want to get you upset by coming to look for you herself."

"Of course she did. Some things never change no matter how old you get."

"Or how big of a star you've become."

"Oh please that's never changed anything...I'm still me, just regular old Justin when I come here."

"Yeah, except you haven't been back in years."

"I've been busy..."

"Becoming a star..."

"Is that what you came here for? To scold me for not coming home in a while?" I asked annoyed now.

"No. I came here to figure out why a 26 year old would need to run away from his Mommy."

"I didn't run away." She didn't say anything just looked off into the distance. I turned my eyes to Buckley having the time of his life in the water all by himself, without a care in the world. At that moment I wished that I could switch places with my dog and not have a care in the world. That has what this has come to, me wishing to be an animal.

"Remember when we'd use to sneak out and come down here to skip rocks when we were like seven?"

"Lets be honest here, we did more then just skip rocks down here."

"Not when we were seven you perv," she slapped my arm just like she always use to. For a few minutes I felt like I was a kid again, sitting by the lake with Katie and hoping that our parents wouldn't realize we snuck out of our beds and drag us back home.

"Everything was so much simpler then. Our biggest worry was being caught, sometimes I wish I could go back to that."

"Really? You'd give back everything that you've done just to sneak out of your house again?"

"Well, when you put it that way I guess not."

"What's going on J for real?"

"What isn't going on is the better question."

"Talk to me Timberlake."

"I can't."

"You've never had a problem before."

"It's different now Katie...we're not teenagers anymore."

"No, but we're still friends. I'm still your person."

"It's just...I haven't told anyone."

"And? Do you think I'm going to run and call Barbara Walters?"

"Barbara Walters? Really? Not Ryan Secrest or Mario Lopez? You chose Barbara Walters?"

"You get the point...We've been friends practically our whole lives, you know whatever is said here goes nowhere. Not even to your Mama."

"But if I say it, it's real," I stopped myself before I said anything else realizing what I said. If I said it out loud it would be real, and if it was real then I had no reason to live but I was too afraid to die. I guess she was feeling the same way I was right now only about a thousand times worse.

"What's real?"

"What's real is that...she's...I'm going...DAMNIT! Why can't I just say it!" I shook my head, unable to say the words out loud and tears forming in my eyes. I've never been a crier but these past few months I'd been crying like a baby, mostly to myself but now I couldn't hold it back and I was sitting there with tears staining my cheeks in front of Katie. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I put my hand on Brennon's back. This was all just too much to handle at once.

"Okay, one step at a time. I'm going to assume she would be your girlfriend, Marissa is her name right?" I nodded my head knowing that I should probably correct her but what was she really? Was she my ex-girlfriend, or were we just on a break? Should I just call her my baby mama? "Okay so Marissa, she's...cheating on you?"

"No, though it might be a little easier if she was."

"You're going to break up with her then."

"No...I don't know...I don't think so...I just..."

"Alright I'm officially confused."

"She's...Marissa, she's...she's pregnant." There I said it. I expected a weight to be lifted off my shoulders and was totally let down when there wasn't.

"I'm assuming the baby is yours?"

"Yeah...but since I'm an asshole I made her get a paternity test."

"I feel like there's more to this story."

"Of course there is," I said laying back down looking up at what was now a thousand stars in the sky. "She doesn't...she didn't want kids. She sort of has this past that has scared her away from having them. Her parents are assholes and she's just experienced a lot of things that no human being should ever have to. We didn't really plan this, who really does when they're not married, but she was sick and her meds fucked up her birth control. She found out she was pregnant and she didn't even tell me," I closed my eyes picturing the moment the pregnancy test fell out of the tissue. "I sort of found the test in the trash by accident and when I confronted her she said that she didn't know if she was even going to tell me."

"She was going to get an abortion?" Katie asked shocked.

"No...well, she didn't really know what she was going to do. Anyway that's not even the worst part. I sat with her for like an hour and convinced her to at least consider having the baby. I mean I never wanted kids you know that, but after I met her my whole perspective on life changed. I didn't want to work 24/7 anymore, I wanted to spend time with her and instead of dreaming about tropical vacations I'd dream about playing with our kids in the backyard or bringing them to Disney World," I smiled picturing Marissa pushing a stroller through a theme park, and me holding our oldest's hand. I could see her holding our baby, smiling and waving to me and our other kid on Dumbo. "She's going to be a great mother, she just doesn't know it yet. But that's besides the point. The point is that we went to the doctor and she realized she wanted to have the baby and then not ten minutes later I find out that she's been hiding the fact that she was pregnant before from me."

"So she hid a kid from you the whole time you were dating?"

"No, she had a miscarriage. But the fact is, is that she was pregnant and didn't tell me. I laid everything out on the table about my life for her and she kept this from me. How could she keep something so big from me? I just, it made me loose so much trust."

"Well did you ask her why she didn't tell you?"

"I couldn't give her a chance to explain because I thought I was dying, so I left her there. Then three months later after I made my lawyer send her papers to get a paternity test and to tell her I'd be filing for sole custody she came and found me and explained it all, which made me feel like a complete dickhead."

"Well did she have a good reason?"

"Of course she did. Something that I should have realized had I even thought for one second that day. But I didn't think then and I didn't think for three months after that because I was too busy getting hammered trying to drink my problems away. And now, now I don't know what to do. I want to trust her again but I don't know if I can, and at the same time she's four and a half months pregnant and I haven't told anyone about it." There it was, the weight being lifted off my shoulders that I was hoping for. I got it all out, and somehow I was even more confused then before. Because before I didn't realize how big of an asshole I actually was. I didn't even think I did one thing wrong, but actually saying it out loud made me realize that I didn't do one thing right. I should have let her explain that day, or at least the next week. She was in the hospital for God's sake and I didn't even go make sure she was okay. But still, can I trust her again?

"Do you love her Justin?"

"I've been trying really hard to not love her."

"Is it working?"

"Obviously not."

"Then what is there exactly to figure out?"

"I know it all seems so simple and all signs point to me forgiving her and going back to normal but you know how big trust is to me...I've just been hurt too many times because of it."

"You know you're comparing apples to oranges right? She didn't tell you something about her past, something that she had a good explanation for. It's not like she lied to you or cheated on you J. She's not Britney."

"What the fuck does Brit have to do with this? That was so long ago Kate, she's not even a dot on my radar anymore."

"You know that's exactly what this is about. She was the last person you actually trusted and she stomped all over it. You're afraid to feel the pain you felt when she cheated on you again, and you're comparing that situation to this one which in reality has zero similarities." I scoffed at her, this had nothing to do with Britney at least I didn't think so. "Look, I don't know this girl but from what your Mama tells me you two are pretty perfect together, and from sitting here talking to you I know that you love her. If she can do what she did, and you still love her that's saying something Justin." I sat up looking at her now knowing that she was right, she's always fucking right. What Marissa did wasn't right, I will never take full blame for this whole separation thing. However, the way I acted and rationalized things wasn't right either and in reality we're both to blame.

"Sometimes I wonder why we never worked out...me and you."

"Because I'd kick your ass that's why," she said leaning over and giving me a hug. "I want to meet your girl, and your kid...you, a father, poor little bastard."

"I know right, can you believe it?"

"Yeah actually I can. You'll be a great father J. If you're half as good a father as you are as a friend, then that kid is really lucky."

"Thanks Kate...Alright lets go," I said getting up and whistling for Buckley who was still in the water, "You deserve some peach cobbler."

"Shut up, Granny's over?"

"Of course she is I'm home, you know I'm her favorite."

***

I woke up the next morning in a much better mood. Katie stayed at my house until about 3 in the morning, we sat around the pool with my parents and the dogs and just caught up with each other and reminisced about our childhood. Katie was my neighbor turned, partner in crime, turned girlfriend, turned girl who beat me up. Next to Trace, she was my best friend. She was the Luke to my Marissa. When I came running down the stairs following the smell of pancakes, waffles, grits, eggs and bacon there was a smile on my face, one that I had no intentions of taking off. I was going to enjoy the next week here and then go back to Boston and patch things up with Marissa. I planned on calling her today to let he know that I figured things out and we'd talk when I got back. 

"Well you're in a much better mood," my mother said as I sat down at the table. She put a plate of deliciousness in front of me and I wasted no time picking up my fork and shoving piles of food in my mouth.

"Mmmm...We hd a gd tak las nit. Thin ar goo..."

"Quit talkin' with your mouth full Justin, come on now I taught you better then that." 

"Sorry Mama," I said after swallowing and wiping my mouth, "Kate and I talked and I just...I feel better, things are good."

"Well good then. I hope they stay that way, I don't like seeing you upset you know that."

"I know...and I'm sorry for acting like an ass yesterday."

"It's okay baby...you're 26 you allowed to be an ass and even say ass sometimes..." just then the phone started ringing. I pushed my chair back to go answer it but my mother shooed me away. She answered the phone chipper like she always does and when she didn't say anything past hello I looked up to see her face drop and her hand over her mouth. I stood up walking over to her just waiting for her to say something to the person on the other end of the phone or to me, but she said nothing she just handed me the phone.

"Who is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Trace."

"Trace? Mama what happened...fuck...Hello?"

"Justin I just booked you a flight it leaves at noon so get your shit together and get to the airport."

"What the fuck, what's wrong?"

"She was going to work...fuck just come home I can't tell you this over the phone."

"Tell me what the fuck happened right now Trace."

"She's in the hospital, well we're on our way."

"WHO IS SHE TRACE?"

"Who do you fucking think? Marissa, I know you two aren't all patched up or whatever but get over it if you aren't already and get to the fucking airport."

"What about the..."

"We don't know...look I'll explain when you get here I have to go," he hung up without even saying goodbye. I dropped the phone and ran upstairs throwing a weeks worth of stuff into my suitcase as fast as I could. My mother ran up behind me and helped me get the dogs together and get everything packed in the car. I went over to the drivers side and she stopped me saying I wasn't in any state to drive which was true so I let her take me to the airport. What was really only a ten minute drive seemed like it took forever, my heart was racing and I still didn't know what happened to her or if our baby was going to be okay. She didn't even know that I was over our stupid fight and now God only knows what's happened to her.

"What did Trace tell you? What happened?"

"I don't know baby he just said that they were in the ambulance going to the hospital and to do everything that I could to get you on the plane."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm such a fucking asshole. I can't fucking believe this right now. I mean what if it's something awful, what if she doesn't make it. Why...why does this have to happen to me right now?"

"Justin...it's going to be okay..."

"IT'S NOT! It's not okay because we got into a stupid fight and I ran away like a little kid.  It's not okay because I'm not there right now and she's hurt and where am I? IN TENNESSEE! It's not fucking okay." She didn't say anything because she knew I was right. We pulled into the airport parking lot and I jumped out giving her a hug and telling her that I love her before I ran to the departure gates while she took the dogs to oversized baggage. Not only was this a last minute flight that I was going to be a nervous wreck on the whole time, but it was also a commercial flight so I'm probably going to get a million people coming up to me for autographs and that's the last thing I want to be doing right now.

I just made it to the gate before they closed the doors. They had security escort me to my seat, which was totally unnecessary since they walked off the plane right after I sat down. It's not that hard to find row A seat 1, I actually needed them when people started coming up to me but where were they for that? After what seemed like the 50th person came up to me I finally said something to a flight attendant and they made an announcement to leave me the fuck alone. They said it a little bit nicer then that but that's exactly what I was thinking. The plane finally landed after what seemed like days and I sprinted off the plane. Running down the escalator steps I pulled my cell phone out to call Trace.

"Where are you?"

"Hey, Eric is meeting you at arrivals. We're at Mass General Hospital. We're in the ICU, you're on the list to get in so have your ID ready."

"How is she? What's going on?"

"I don't know they won't let us in because we're not family. The only reason why they're letting you in is because she's pregnant with your kid."

"Well what have they told you?" I asked spotting Eric and throwing my bags in the trunk.

"They won't tell us anything J. She was in pretty rough shape though."

"Fuck...I'll be there in 10 minutes." I hung up jumping into the front seat of the car. It wasn't until we started pulling out that I realized there were about 20 photographers surrounding us, just what I needed. "Fuuuuuuuuck me! Do they know...the photographers do they know?"

"They know she's in the hospital. They were the ones that called 911."

"What happened?"

"All I know is that she was walking to work like any other normal day and someone basically jumped on her and she smashed her head on the ground. Luckily people were following her and they called 911. The cops called Trace because he was the last person in her phone that she called, and when we got there she was barely conscious."

"The baby...what about the baby?" He just looked at me shaking his head, "What does that mean Eric, shaking your head isn't an answer."

"She was losing a lot of blood...it wasn't looking good but I don't know for sure."

"Why? Tell me fucking WHY."

"I'm sorry man."

"Yeah...if only that would make everything better." I put my head against the window closing my eyes and praying harder then I've ever prayed before. Come to think of it, I don't think I've prayed at all in a very long time. We pulled up to the hospital and I jumped out of the car, literally swatting cameras out of my face and I may or may not have thrown a couple people to the ground. I ran over to Trace and he confirmed Eric's story, adding something about the person talking to her and saying something but he couldn't make out what Marissa was saying when she told him. The cops weren't able to catch the guy right away but had a good description of him and were still on the look out. Amy was curled up on the floor in the corner with her knees to her chin crying. As much as I wanted to go over to her and say hi she just wasn't even on my list of things to do right now. I ran over to ICU showing them my ID and waiting forever for them to allow me back. I had to fill out paperwork and while I was doing that I asked the nurse what was going on.

"She's having a hard time staying conscious right now. We had to take her into surgery because she lost a lot of blood, and she was also bleeding internally. She's got a few broken ribs and her left leg needed to be repaired surgically as well. Now when you see her, she's going to be hooked up to a lot of cords and monitors so don't be alarmed. Her head is all wrapped up and the bleeding has stopped. As of right now the worst is over, but she's beat up pretty badly. She'll talk to you and then mid sentence she'll kind of doze off but right now that's the meds."

"But she's going to live yes?"

"As long as things continue to progress the way they have been, yes."

"And the baby?"

"As you know the baby in a way goes through the same thing as its mother. She was kicked in the stomach quite a few times, and due to that plus the stress, struggle and the surgeries, the babies heart rate has been going way down and that is concerning to us. It's being monitored right now. It's looking better then it did a few hours ago." I rubbed my head and closed my eyes hoping that when I opened them again I'd be able to see straight. Everything she was saying I heard and understood but it was just too much information at once.

"Can I please see her now?"

"Yes sir, please follow me this way." We walked through the ICU and I was looking into other rooms. We past at least 5 where people were literally on there death bed with family surrounding them and some even had a priest in there for last rights. No one that I saw looked like they'd be leaving the hospital anytime soon unless they were going to a cemetery. We finally got to the end of a very long hallway and she pointed to the last room on the right. I took a minute to collect myself before I walked around the opened door. She was lying there asleep with tubes and wires coming out of her. Her head was wrapped in gauze and her face was all bruised. I could tell that she was breathing funny, her stomach going up and down a lot less then normal. I walked closer and pulled a chair up next to her bed, kissing her forehead before I sat down. I took her hand in mine, and put my other hand on her stomach hoping to feel our baby kick just like I did a week ago. She didn't move which made me all the more nervous because she's such a light sleeper she use to wake up when I'd breath on her neck. I had so much to say, but I didn't know if she could hear me. I looked over at the nurse with questioning eyes but didn't say a word. "Most of the time when they wake up, they'll tell you that they heard you."

"Thanks," I said as tears fell down my face.

"Let me know if you need anything Mr. Timberlake," then she walked out the door closing it behind her.

"I...I don't know if you can hear me or not, but the nurse says you'll tell me if you did when you wake up, because you will wake up," I put my leg under me getting as comfortable as possible. "I'm sorry for everything. For not letting you explain, for not talking to you for three months and for running away to Tennessee. I should have been here, I have no excuse. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere ever again. Me and you and the baby we're going to be a family, a damn good family. We're going to be there to support each other and love each other and it's going to be perfect. I made you that promise a year ago and I broke it, but this time it's going to be different. I love you Ris, and there is nothing you could do to make me stop. I tried to stop, I tried so hard but I couldn't because you are my soul mate. We belong together. We may have made mistakes, both of us not just you, but who doesn't right? I just need you to fight harder then you've ever fought before to make it through this, because without you I'm nothing. Just some drunk that has no life meaning. I need you with me, beside me forever. I can't lose you...you and this baby, you're my world. I love you so much...please, please pull through this baby...please." I put my head down on the bed, crying harder then I've ever cried before listening to the beeping of the machines and her breathing. In my head I was asking her, God, anybody really to give me a sign and as if she read my mind I felt her gently squeeze my hand.