I woke up this morning to no one lying next to me. I stretched my arm out to rub her back and I landed on cold sheets instead of her body. When I opened my eyes I saw her sheets turned over and all five of her pillows stacked. She'd been home for a month, and today she was scheduled to go in to get her cast taken off of her leg. She was cleared about a week ago to go back to class and do some light work and luckily the radio station has been really accommodating and since she's been working there for so long and has proven she's good at what she does they let her take some short term disability leave. She was excited to go back though. After two days of doing nothing but lying in bed and watching TV she got really restless, and I thought after a while she might go mentally insane. When we went back in two weeks and they told her another week I thought she was going to break the doctors face, but now she's cleared and doing her normal everyday things. I threw the sheets off of me and stood up stretching. The clock read 6:30am, it was way too early. She was having a lot of trouble sleeping lately with the baby being really active at night, and I felt awful that there was nothing I could do about it. I even went out and bought a special pillow that's suppose to help, but after three hours of trying to use it unsuccessfully she threw it at my head and went downstairs to watch TV, which is where I assumed she was right now.

When I walked down stairs to the living room she was nowhere to be found, after searching throughout the whole apartment I finally spotted her in the one room I would never think she'd be in. She had her left foot underneath her, a pencil in her mouth and a notebook on her lap. Her fingers were sprawled over the keys and every few minutes she'd write something down in the notebook. Her glasses were sitting on the tip of her nose, and she was wearing one of my t-shirts that just last week made it so that you couldn't see her little beach ball, but 7 days later it was clearly noticeable. I leaned on the wall watching her; she was in another world and didn't even know that I was there. This was the third time since I moved here that she's sat down at that piano, and only the second time I've seen her play. I didn't recognize the song she was playing and if it were anyone else I'd think that she was writing a song, but she told me that she wasn't really that good at the piano she could just play songs here and there. I watched her for a good ten minutes before she took her glasses off, threw them on top of the piano and closed her notebook. She brushed her fingers over the keys one last time before she looked up and jumped a little when she saw me standing there.

"What are you doing up?"

"I should be asking you the same question," I said pushing myself off the wall and walking over to her.

"I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you up by tossing and turning so I just came down here," she pulled me down so that I was sitting next to her and she put her head on my shoulder, "what time is it?"

"Close to 7 by now. What time did you come down here?"

"Like 2:30ish. I didn't realize I was sitting here for that long."

"You looked like you were in the zone. If I didn't know you better I'd think you were writing a song." She threw the notebook on top of the piano quickly looking away from me.

"I'm not much of a songwriter," she said in a whisper still not looking at me.

"So then what were you playing?" I asked now knowing from her reaction that that's exactly what she was doing.

"Just...this song..."

"Called?"

"It doesn't have a name?" She said as a question.

"Because you're writing it and you haven't named it yet?"

"Maaaaaybe," she smiled.

"I thought you could only play songs here and there. I didn't know you could actually write songs."

"I wouldn't call it writing songs Justin...I'm just fooling around."

"You didn't look like you were fooling around...can I see?" I reached for the notebook but she grabbed it holding it away from me before I could get to it.

"NO! No, you can't see."

"Ris, let me see," I gave her a disapproving look.

"No...it's nothing really, it's not even remotely good. I just...I did a lot of journaling and a few lines stuck out so..."

"So...let me see it."

"I'm not about to let the master singer songwriter look at a piece of crap. You'll just laugh at me."

"Do you know me at all? I'm not going to laugh at you...but if you don't want me to that's fine."

"Thank you," she said putting the notebook on her lap. I went in to give her a kiss and backed away just as our lips were about to touch and grabbed the notebook off her lap jumping up off the seat and holding it above my head so that she couldn't reach it. She jumped up and tried reaching for it, even attempted to jump on my back but she finally gave up when she realized it just wasn't going to happen. Then she moved on to pouting and hoping her puppy dog eyes would work on me.

"Please baby?" I shook my head still holding the notebook over my head. "Come on Justin...I would never look at anything you didn't want me to." I shook my head again. "SERIOUSLY! Give it back!"

"I'm not giving it back until I read it. I promise you I won't laugh."

"Ugh...you always fucking win. I'm not staying in here while you read it though."

"Yes you are, sit down." I put my hand on her shoulders and walked her back over to the piano bench pushing down until she sat. I plopped down next to her on the bench opening the notebook to a page close to the back that was bunny eared. She wouldn't look at the notebook or me and her thumbs started twirling. I quickly flipped through and saw that she had written the music and lyrics for an entire song. I started singing it in my head and realized that I was actually tapping my foot to it and bobbing my head. The song itself, all aspects of it was pretty incredible. She really did have me fooled in thinking that she just "plays here and there." I read through it a few times really paying attention to the lyrics and it actually brought tears to my eyes. I put the notebook on the stand and started playing it. "I'm not a perfect person..."

"Justin...don't," but I didn't stop. I played it through singing along with it and about halfway through I could see her wiping tears off her face out of the corner of my eye.

"There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
and the reason is You

and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

She didn't say anything after I finished, just sat there with her hand on her stomach and her eyes roaming the floor. I put my hand on her back slowly rubbing it up and down and I put my other hand on top of hers on her stomach. "I know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid Marissa...it's actually really good."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying...it's good."

"It's just...I started off writing it for you, and then in the middle I realized it kind of fit for the baby too. I...It's nothing really, I just wrote some stuff down in a journal when we were...well you know..."

"Can I record it?"

"WHAT? No...Justin, no. It's not even close to a recordable song, absolutely not," her eyes were bugging out of her head and her hands were flailing as she spoke.

"Just let me record it Ris. And if you hate it then fine, and if you like it maybe I'll use it for an album or something. It's really good, and it would mean a lot to me."

"Jus..."

"And thank you," I interrupted her, "you wrote that song for me and it...no one has ever written a song for me before. You're amazing and I love you, so thank you."

"Your welcome," her face relaxed a little bit. "I knew, and still know that it was me that fucked up and I just had to get it out somehow you know? So I wrote all this stuff down in my journal and I realized that not only was I hurting you, but also I was hurting the baby too by not taking care of myself. I started writing lyrics and then the accident happened, then this morning I took my journal out and just felt inspired I guess."

"You have the mindset of a really good, experienced songwriter. That song is really really great Maris, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend. I think that you may have found something to pursue." She shook her head and scoffed at me.

"I think you need to get your head checked."

"You just called me a master singer songwriter and now you're doubting me? I'm not saying that I'm going to release it I just want to see what it sounds like recorded. Please?"

"You're going to do it even if I say no, so just do it."

"Thank you baby," I said getting up not realizing that the notebook was on my lap. It fell open on the floor and I slowly bent down to look at what it opened up to. I flipped through all of the pages in utter shock and then looked up at her. She was biting her bottom lip and almost looked like she was scared. "What is all this Ris?"

"It's nothing Justin, really."

"You call an entire notebook full of completed songs nothing? When did you do all this? And the better question is why have you never told me?"

"I don't know I guess it's just a form of therapy for me, I don't think that they're good by any means. When I can't sleep or when I have a lot of pent up feelings that I don't really know how to express I write. I didn't tell you because...I don't know would you want me sitting in on a session with your therapist?"

"Did you ever think that it would be even more therapeutic to actually hear it, to get it out there...Marissa this stuff is incredible, you could make so much money if you sold these songs."

"No, no, no, no. I'm not selling them. They're not that good Justin. What if I sell them and they flop, that would kill me even more. I mean they can't even be good enough to sell in the first place, no good songwriter writes a whole notebook full of songs in two weeks."

"TWO WEEKS? You wrote all this stuff in two weeks? I thought this notebook was from all the way back when you were a kid. Two weeks? I don't think I could even write a whole notebook of songs by myself, music and lyrics in two years! How many of these do you have Marissa?" 

"I don't know, maybe a hundred?" My heart started racing. I would kill to have a hundred notebooks like this and she's keeping them hidden. Suddenly I was inspired. Inspired to make her "therapy" so much more. If she sold just one of these songs, she could be a millionaire and she has them fucking hidden away.

"Baby...please," I literally got on my knees and started begging, "please let me just see those notebooks." She just looked at me, not saying anything. I know deep down she wanted me to have them, she wanted me to play around with the songs and maybe even record them but it was just going to take some convincing to actually let her realize it. "When I write songs...like real meaningful songs about my life I always feel better after I'm done writing them. But then after I record it, or someone else records it and I hear it...it's a feeling that I can't even describe. It's like all the pain suddenly goes away, or the love is that much stronger. I want you to feel that."

"I'll give you the notebooks if you promise me that you will only record that one song."

I raised my right hand, "I Justin Timberlake, promise thee Marissa Mitchell, that I will only record that one song...now give me the notebooks!" She got up and hobbled over to the closet that we kept our luggage in. She pulled out the one bag that we don't share because it's pink and opened it. It was filled to the brim with notebooks, all dated from the first song she wrote to the last one in that notebook. My mouth just dropped, I had no words for what was in front of me. I sat on the floor indian style and started sorting through the books. After a couple of minutes she bent down and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm going to get this stupid cast taken off, I'm sure you'll be sitting right here when I come back."

"I'm coming with you..."

"No, stay. I don't want to be here when you go through these and Amy is coming anyway so I won't be alone."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'm going to go get dressed like a hobo so no one can see my beach ball which by the way isn't going to be possible to cover up much longer, and when I come back I'll race you around the house."

"So don't cover it up."

"Really?"

"Well yeah. But just wait until I'm with you to not cover it up so that they don't pounce on you alone." A big smile formed on her face. She'd been covering up for 6 months and finally she'll be able to just be normal again. For some reason I didn't want people to know even though there has been speculation since we first started dating. I mostly just don't want the added hype, but at the same time I'm really excited and proud to be a soon to be father and it's about time we tell the world. "They're going to ask for interviews and stuff though how do you feel about that?"

"You can do as many interviews as you want, I don't care about that."

"They're going to want you too."

"You know there is only one person I will sit down and actually do an interview for. Other then that...you're on your own buddy," she said walking out. "I love you, see you when I get back."

"Love you too baby."

***

She was right, when she got back three hours later I was still on the floor reading through her notebooks. I was completely mesmerized by all of them. It was almost like a VIP pass into her entire life. All of her  fears, thoughts, feelings, happiness, it was all at the tip of my fingers. I thought I knew everything there was to know about her, but I was so wrong. It's not like she was hiding things from me though, it was just stuff that either happened so long ago that it didn't matter anymore or things that she either forgot about or wouldn't even think to tell me about. I had so many questions, so many things to comment on, I had to pick her brain further. She walked in and sat down on the floor next to me. There were notebooks open all around me and I had my own notebook in front of me with notes and questions I had.

"You seem to be doing an awful lot of work for one song."

"You do realize that you have a catalog of fucking songs and ninety percent of them could be sold and you'd make fucking millions right? All of this, almost every single song in every single notebook is usable. I mean minus the stuff from when you were really small, but Ris I'm honestly in producer heaven right now." I said still flipping through a notebook.

"Well get out of it because you have one song that you can record and that's it," she grabbed my chin and turned my face towards her and glared at me, "one song Justin."

"But Marissaaaaaaaa..."

"No buts J."

"What will it take to get you to say yes. Not even to sell them but just to record some of them and see what they sound like. Then if you like them you can think about selling them. Baby I know people. I can get major recording artists to record these songs for you and you don't have to pay them or even say you'll give them the song if they like it. I'll do anything! You know what don't even say yes or no. I'll record that one song and once you hear it completed then answer. Just think about it okay?"

"If it will make you feel better then I'll think about it...but first I need to go take a shower because my leg smells like dirty asshole."

"That's the sexiest thing I've ever heard you say baby. I hope our kid has the same filthy mouth as its mother."

"One can only hope," she laughed as she got up. I watched her walk out, no longer on crutches.

"Does this mean I can't call you Gimpy anymore?" I yelled as she walked up the stairs.

"That would be correct."

"Alright, have fun in the shower Gimpy!"

"One more time Justin and you're not getting any action tonight," came muffled from upstairs. I chucked reaching into my pocket for my cell phone and dialing a number that was still familiar to me even after so many years. I kept flipping through the pages of her notebooks as the phone rang. Right before it was going to go to voicemail she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey you filthy slut how the fuck are you?"

"You nasty piece of ass, you've come out of your cave?"

"Well you know, I figured I should come in contact with the outside world every once and a while. How's your kid?"

"He's amazing, I can't believe he's almost one! What about you, should I believe the rumor mill?"

"Depends on what rumor," I said laughing while writing down a note on one of the songs.

"Are you really going to be a father?"

"I am indeed actually."

"No shit. Little Justy having a baby. That poor little fucker."

"That's what they're all saying. I'll prove all of you wrong just wait and see. But listen I'm calling for a reason, well actually to ask you for a favor that is probably going to turn into something huge for you in the end."

"Are you up to no good Timberlake?"

"I'm never up to any good. But seriously, I have this song that I think would be perfect for you but I'm not sure if I can get the writer to sell it. I know once she hears you singing it she'll sell it, but I just need to convince her of that before. So I was wondering if you'd record it and if you like it I can probably get it sold to you to use for your new album."

"Of course, can you send me a demo?"

"That might be a little difficult to do. I can send you the music though."

"This sounds awfully sketch ball of you."

"It's a long story, you're just going to have to trust me."

"Okay. Send it over to me and I'll take a look at it and get back to you."

"Thanks lady. I owe you one."

"Oh please you owe me like thirty! I gotta go my kids crying."

"Talk to you soon. Check your E-Mail when you get a chance I'll send it to you in like 5 minutes."

"Alright bye J. And hey...Congrats, you're in for a lifetime of happiness. Enjoy it."

"Thanks slut, I'm sure I'll be calling you for advice."

"And I'll send your ass straight to voicemail. Bye Justin."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and ran upstairs like a serial killer trying to make my escape. I scanned the song and sent it off before Marissa got out of the shower and noticed that I even moved. I know I was going behind her back to do something that she didn't want done, but I also know her and once she hears even this one song she's going to realize that this is what she was meant to do and thank me for going behind her back.

***

She was walking around in nothing but short shorts and a tank top that no longer fit over her stomach, and her face was dripping in sweat. Two weeks ago we walked outside to a swarm of paparazzi and she was wearing a tight dress that confirmed every rumor. Since then we've had to add extra security due to the added people following us and now there was more of a threat. We both hated walking around with 4 big people flanking us at each side but we knew it had to be done. Not only for our safety but also for the baby's. Marissa was now 7 months pregnant and glowing, literally. We landed in LA this morning and we're scheduled to tape The Ellen show in a couple of hours. Marissa was running around trying to find something to wear and flipping out because nothing fit her "gigantic fucking watermelon," as she liked to call it. Up until now she was content with being pregnant, but just recently she's not been able to see her feet and she's having a hard time getting around. She wants to "get this baby out before I balloon to 500 pounds." The doctor seems to think that she's going to have the baby early so he didn't really condone us flying here and back to Boston but she convinced him that it was necessary. So we're cramming a whole lot of shit into 36 hours. After Ellen, I'm going to go record the song and unbeknownst to her, have someone else record another one. Then tomorrow we're going to go look at houses because my area of town doesn't really have a good school system, and we fly back home tomorrow night.

"Justin have you seen my black dress?"

"Which black dress Ris? You have about thirty of them."

"The one with the silver beads on it you know? It ties in the back..." she appeared in front of me taking a breath and putting her hand on her half bare stomach. I pulled her forehead to my lips and rested my head on top of hers.

"Why don't you just wear what you have on...it's pretty fucking sexy." She glared at me not saying a word. Her phone started ringing and I rolled my eyes, "change that fucking ring tone! It's been over a year now."

"Mmmm...no," she said smiling, "I like it when you get angry about it...turns me on," she kissed me and rushed to answer her phone. I watched her sit down on the bed and cradle the phone between her ear and her shoulder. I knew when she said "this is she," it might be kind of important so I sat down next to her. She was on the phone for a good ten minutes and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. She gasped a million times and said oh my god and oh no over and over again. Every time I'd look at her with questioning eyes she'd swat me away. I got up after a few minutes getting annoyed that I didn't know what was going on and I started looking through her bag for the dress she was looking for. I spotted it and pulled it out from the bottom of the bag just as she got off the phone.

"Look what I found, doesn't it look just plain sexy on me?" I said holding it up against my body only to see her sitting there with what seemed to be fear in her eyes. I dropped the dress and ran over to her, "What's wrong babe?"

"They found him..."

"They found who?"

"The guy...the guy that attacked me." It had been so long I almost forgot about that. Even though they had a good description and an eyewitness they were never able to track him down. "He was hired."

"Hired? What do you mean hired?" She looked down and I saw tears start to form. This couldn't be good.

"He was hired...by Victor. To kill me." My mouth dropped and my arms immediately went around her. She put her head on my shoulder and I could tell from her shortened breaths that she was trying really hard not to cry. I looked out the window not really knowing what to do. I thought back to what Brandon said to me that day at the Police Station and realized that this time it was me who fucked up. I thought I had everything under control, and I did until we took a break and then I completely disregarded it. She could have been killed and it would have been my fault because I could have prevented it and I didn't. I didn't know what to do. If I told her this now I had this fear that she'd just get up and leave, but if I didn't tell her now and she found out later it might make it worse. But how would she find out later? She sat up and looked at me and I just shook my head. She probably thought I was shaking my head at this information, but in reality I was shaking my head at myself and how stupid I was.

"They have him now...you have nothing to worry about anymore," I managed to squeeze out.

"What if he hires someone else Justin? What if they go after the baby?"

"We have plenty of security...they won't let that happen. I won't let that happen okay?"

"Promise?" This was something that I wish I could promise but I couldn't. I just looked at her not saying yes or no, just looked into her eyes and prayed to God that nothing like this would ever happen again. She knew I couldn't promise her and in a way I think she may have even appreciated the fact that I didn't say yes because we both know that it would be a lie. "Okay then," she said wiping the last tear off of her face and standing up, "life goes on, we have an interview to do and you found my dress exactly where I put it and looked fifty times."

"Yeah..."

"You okay J?"

"Yeah...I'm fine just a little shaken up by this I guess."

"I am too, but look...I'm fine, you're fine, the baby is fine. We can't let this stop us from living life. I got through it and if need be I'll get through it again."

"But we shouldn't have to worry about another time Ris."

"So then lets not okay? I just...I want to get past this. I don't want to think about it anymore and I don't want it to affect my life anymore. It's over okay...no more talking about it."

"Fine," I said standing up. "No more talking about it. Let's get ready and get this interview over with."

"I'm excited about it," she said taking the tank top off to expose her whole stomach, "I'm going to be on Ellen!"

"You're a nutcase."

"But you love me!"

"I do...and you look beautiful standing there in nothing but a bra and panties might I add."

"Oh please. I look like a beached whale!" She replied pulling the dress over her head, "will you help me zip this?" I zipped up her dress and kissed her head before spinning her around and crashing down onto her lips. I backed away after a few minutes and she looked at me, her eyes looking as if she were drunk. "What was that for?"

"Because I love you."

"Well I love you too, and thank you." She put on a cute pair of shoes that made her legs look even longer then they already are and gave herself a once over in the mirror. "I think this is as good as it's going to get Mr. Timberlake, you ready?"

"I'm ready."