It was past my due date. Way past my due date. I decided it was karma because I'd been sitting there saying I was going to go early from the minute I started showing. The doctors told me before I went to Tennessee that I had two or three weeks left, which was two weeks before I was due, but they lied. My due date was January 19th, and today marked the last day of January, which put me at 12 days overdue and miserable with a birthday boy that I had to entertain. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock, 7:15. Turning my head to look over my shoulder I saw Justin, mouth open, one hand over his head, the other over his stomach, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with the sheets thrown down to the end of the bed and his legs crossed at his ankles, shivering. I've been putting him through hell and back because I have been the biggest bitch I've ever come across in my entire life lately, but I can't help it. I'm hot, then I'm freezing, and then I'm sweating. I'm sure it was me that kicked the covers off and like the perfect boyfriend that he is, he just let me do it and dealt with it, shivering just to make me feel comfortable. The heat hasn't been on over 60 the last three months because if it is I'll sweat my ass off, and I've been walking around in a tank top and shorts while Justin sits and watches Sports Center in a winter coat. I got out of bed knowing that there was no way I'd be falling back to sleep and pulled the sheets back over Justin's body. Then I went to the linen closet and threw two blankets over him as well.

I went downstairs to cook him breakfast, something that I use to do everyday but gave up on once I past a certain point in my pregnancy. We went out last night for birthday dinner and I gave him his gift. He's been talking about getting his car detailed everyday for the past six months, and I managed to somehow get Trace to figure out a way to "borrow" it so that I could get it done. But out of dinner, the car detailing, and breakfast I'm going to go with breakfast being the best part of his present. He's a food guy, breakfast food guy to be exact and he's dropped more then one hint about how I've stopped cooking for him. I was standing over the stove humming to a song in my head when I felt my phone vibrate in my robe, well, at this point I was wearing Justin's robe but we won't get into that because it's depressing.

"Hey Chicky what's up?"

"Are you still pregnant?"

"UGH YES! Can you believe this shit? I'm starting to thing this baby is never going to come."

"Oh it'll come believe me, and when it does you'll be wishing it stayed in."

"Thanks, really looking forward to that."

"You know I'm just kidding, but listen, I'm calling for two reasons, one to see if you're still pregnant which you are, and number two to let you know that I'm faxing over a contract."

"A contract for what? For Justin?"

"No for you. Justin sent me some songs, and I want them all. Honestly if you keep sending me these notebooks I'm going to have 5 albums out in two years."
"Wait...you want another song?"

"Not just another, I want three others. Girl I hope you've finally realized that this is what you should be doing with your life. I've recorded a couple and people are dying over them."

"We'll see about that," I said pulling out a plate from the cabinet and scooping eggs into it.

"Well once you sign the contract we'll send the check."

"Yes! Another check, will it have three zero's at the end by chance? Because the doctor hasn't let me work in three months and I'm dying here."

"Three? Are you crazy? It will have at least five, if not six."

"WHAT? This is a joke right?"

"No it's not a joke Marissa. This is the music industry, they pay for good stuff and your stuff is great. Welcome to the wonderful world of songwriting."

"Holy shit, I don't know if I've ever cashed a check for that much money."

"Sometimes I wonder if you know who you're dating..."

"That's his money Chris...Hell I can't even bring it upon myself to combine our money in one checking account, I hate spending his money on something for me. I didn't even want to buy the house because I could barely contribute. I've lived my life supporting myself and I don't want to stop doing that now just because of who I'm dating."

"Well if you realize the talent you have and start selling your stuff to someone besides me, you'll have no problem combining bank accounts...how is the birthday boy anyway?"

"Sleeping, which is something he hasn't been doing lately because I've been keeping him up because I'm a total bitch. I'm cooking him breakfast though, which will hopefully make him hate me less."

"Yeah because he hates you so much," she said sarcastically, "tell him I said happy birthday when he wakes up. He's getting fucking old; make sure you say that too. I have to go though my kid is screaming, something else you have to look forward to."

"Full of positivity today, thank you."

"I do what I can, talk to you later...and sign that contract!" I chuckled hitting the end button and placing toast on the plate. Between the greasy bacon, the cheese dripping off the eggs, and the pound of butter I put on his toast, he should be happy for at least a half hour. I took a tray out from underneath the sink and walked back upstairs to see him in the same position I left him in only this time he wasn't shivering.

I set the tray down on the floor and sat down next to him on the bed running my hand through his curls. It was times like this when I was able to take a minute and just look at him that I wondered how I got so lucky. How my life went from one extreme to the other so fast, and why I deserved everything that I now have. Some days I'll think about everything that I don't have that I wish that I did. Like a happy childhood with parents that actually gave a shit, or a normal life where I could walk around and not be hounded or worry about putting my kid in danger, and sometimes I still go back to that day and wish I did something more to stop it, but seeing Justin laying there so peaceful and being reminded how much I love him; I wouldn't trade this for any of that. Because of every bad thing that's happened to me before, it lead me to him and my life now. And even though sometimes I wish he was just a regular old Joe Shmo and I didn't have to double check how I looked before I walked outside, he wouldn't be who he was if he wasn't Justin Timberlake the megastar. I ran my hand down his cheek and smiled thanking God for putting him in my life.

"Justin," I finally whispered knowing that if I didn't wake him up now his breakfast would get cold. He didn't answer, just rolled over pulling the blankets up to his neck and curling up into a ball. "Wake up birthday boy," I said a little louder. I heard him moan that meant that he was half awake and half sleeping. "Justin!" I said again this time brushing his cheek as I said it.

"Huh? What? Hospital? Huh?" He jumped up, throwing the sheets off of him his eyes darting back and forth trying to adjust to the light. He rubbed his hand over his face and squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. He finally settled his eyes on me laughing at him, "What? Are you okay, is it time? What's so funny?"

"I'm fine Justin calm down...I made you breakfast birthday boy."

"What? Are you in labor?"

"Justin...calm down," I said putting my hands on his shoulders, "I'm fine, I'm not in labor, there's no baby yet. I just made you breakfast that's all."

"Jesus," he said putting his head back against the headboard, "I thought your water broke or something."

"You are totally strung out...here," I said picking up the tray and placing it on his lap, "eat something."

"Sorry, I must have been in a deep sleep or dreaming or something, that totally scared the shit out of me...did you make this?" he asked shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth."

"I did, just for you."

"You act like it's my birthday or something," he winked trying to get a string of cheese in his mouth.

"Oh is it?" I asked with a puzzled look on my face, "I hadn't even realized. How old are you now? 52?"

"Oh real nice, pick on the guy that's having a mid life crisis."

"Your three years past the quarter life crisis J...I think you have a few more years before you go out and buy a Corvette to drive around in after you dye your hair black."

"I feel old," he said pouting.

"Well rest assured you still act like you're five."

"Thank God for that. The minute I start acting like an adult please call a nursing home, or better yet a psyc ward."

"Don't you worry, I won't hesitate," I said kissing his cheek before standing up to go get dressed and let him enjoy his birthday breakfast, "happy birthday baby."

"Taks," was the response from a mouth full of food.

"Really? What would your mother say?"

"She'd slap me."

"Well good thing I'm not your mother then."

***

I told Justin that we could do anything he wanted today, it was his choice. If he wanted to go out with his friends then go for it. If he wanted to have his friends over, I'd be the perfect hostess. His choice for his birthday celebration though was to lie in bed and watch movies all day, which was something I wasn't going to complain about. So after we went over the contract that was faxed over, he sent it over to his lawyers to look over and we went back into our big comfy bed and started our movie marathon. As much as I loved being lazy with Justin, I was just really uncomfortable, and it didn't help that every time I moved Justin would question if I was okay. The truth was that I wasn't okay, I wanted to jump off a bridge because no matter what position I was in something either hurt or felt weird, but I wanted to make today about him so I just smiled and nodded while continuing to watch movies that I would never ever willingly watch on any other day besides his birthday. It seemed like every five minutes we were interrupted by the phone ringing to either wish him a happy birthday or to see if I'd gone into labor yet. Around 5:00 I decided that I couldn't lie there anymore and got up to go make dinner. When I stood up I felt a huge cramp but it went away faster then it came so I just continued on with my day. Once we were sitting down for dinner and the cramps became more frequent and started lasting a little bit longer I knew that I was in labor. The pain wasn't too bad so I didn't say anything and tried to let Justin enjoy his last birthday dinner before his life was turned upside down, but the minute I put dessert on the table (peach cobbler, his grandmother's recipe but I'm sure not made to her standards) and he put the first piece in his mouth I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I sat down with what I'm sure was a look of extreme pain on my face and let out a gasp followed by a small yelp, and Justin was on his feet before I even finished my yelp.

"I'm calling my mother..."

"No, no I'm fine. Sit down finish eating."

"Oh okay, hold on one second, your two weeks past your due date and you just keeled over in pain. Let me just finish my pie and then maybe take a long shower before I react to the fact that you're in fucking labor," he said practically running over to the phone before grabbing my bag that has been packed and by the back door for almost a month now. He came back over to me throwing my bag over one shoulder and leaning the phone on the other while holding out his hands for me to take. Reluctantly I took them and he pulled me up and continued to hold my hand as I started walking. I stopped abruptly when I realized he was apparently going to hold my hand while I walked to the bathroom and to the bedroom to get my coat like he would a two year old.

"Justin I'm in labor, I'm not immobile I think I can walk to the bathroom on my own."

"I'm just trying to...Mama...Thank you but...Yes...No...Mama...MAMA! Stop talking and listen to me for two seconds, she's in labor," he let go of my hand and sent me on my way and I could hear him basically panicking on the phone with his mother. Somehow I was still calm. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I imagined myself going into a frantic state when I was in labor but right now I was just going on as if nothing was different. I went into the bedroom and grabbed my coat before walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put makeup on. Justin walked in just as I was opening the bottle of mascara and just looked at me like I was some sort of freak.

"What?" I asked leaning over the sink to get closer to the mirror.

"Really? Makeup? You feel no sense of urgency here?"

"Babe, calm down. The contractions are really far apart and my water hasn't even broken, we have plenty of time."

"Okay well I for one would like to be at the hospital before your water breaks so could you maybe put a little spring in your step? My parents will be on a plane within the hour."

"Alright already," I said smacking my lips together after applying Chap Stick, "I'm ready, I'm ready. Shouldn't I be the one all up in arms about this?"

"I don't know why you're not. You're about to have a baby for God's sake," he said grabbing my elbow and pulling me out the door. I took a couple of waters from the fridge as we sped past it and out the back door into Justin's newly detailed car. I sat down and he took the seatbelt and buckled it for me, I just looked at him and shook my head. "What?"

"I'm a fully functioning human being. I didn't lose the ability to use my arms and legs when I went into labor." He rolled his eyes at me and walked over to the other side of the car. We were about three quarters of the way to the hospital before we hit traffic and Justin decided it was necessary for him to lean on his horn in hopes that people would just move over and let him through I guess. After a good two minutes I leaned over and grabbed his arm, the horn still ringing in my ears even after it stopped. "Justin," I said waiting to continue until he looked at me, "I. Am. Fine. I'm not in any kind of excruciating pain that would lead me to believe this baby was going to pop out within the next 6 hours, so calm down you leaning on your horn is not going to make traffic go any faster."

"You can't have the baby in this car...it just got detailed." I knew that he didn't mean it maliciously and he was just having a nervous breakdown, so I cracked a joke instead of actually getting offended.

"And here I am thinking you're concerned about me and the safe birth of our child, when in reality you're just concerned about your car getting dirty."

"Of course I'm concerned about you and the baby, come on Ris you know what I mean. You've read the books it gets pretty nasty."

"You're really putting me at ease right now Justin, thank you so much."

"Sorry...I'm sorry, this is just really nerve-wracking. I just want to get you to the hospital with the baby still inside you because I sure as hell can't deliver a baby, you know I have a weak stomach." He was freaking out, and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. While Justin continued to panic I got on the phone to let a few important people know that I was in labor. Amy starting flipping out quite similarly to Justin, so I made her give the phone to Trace since I knew he would be a little more subdued. I also called Luke and Jen, and no sooner did I hang up the phone did we pull up to the hospital. Justin went in the emergency room entrance and was adiment that this was an emergency until I convinced him that the doctor would be meeting us at the normal labor and delivery check in.

It didn't really hit me until I was laying in a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown and being hooked up to monitors that we'd be leaving this hospital no longer a twosome, but a family of three. It was hard to imagine since I wasn't really in that much pain that I'd soon be having a baby, but as the pain intensified I tried doing everything possible to keep my mind off of it. I made Justin go get a deck of cards from the gift shop, and we sat playing Gin Rummy for a couple of hours before his parents arrived, his mother sobbing, and his father rolling his eyes at her much like I did to Justin earlier. We sat around talking for a while and when the doctor came in to see how far along I was they went to grab a bite to eat leaving Justin and I alone again. I was 6 centimeters dilated and was somehow managing the pain quite well. I would never say it was easy and that the contractions didn't feel like someone was tearing my insides apart, but I was able to focus on something other then the pain for the most part. We agreed to try and do it the natural way, but not much longer after the doctor left did the pain intensify by a thousand. Now under the supervision of a doctor, Justin was a whole lot calmer and there supporting me 100%. I may have broken his hand in a few places during each contraction but he somehow managed to pretend like I wasn't hurting him. After one of the most painful two minutes of my life, I threw my head back on the pillows, and Justin patted my forehead down with a cool cloth.

"Sorry this is happening on your birthday..."

"Are you kidding me? This is a pretty awesome birthday gift. Plus, it's not my birthday anymore," he said with a small laugh, and I looked up at the clock to see that it was 1 in the morning.

"See, I knew you'd be upset if you had to share your birthday."

"I wouldn't have been upset."

"Well, sorry I went into labor and the day didn't go as planned."

"You're not really serious are you? I did everything I wanted to do, and you even made me peach cobbler. My birthday couldn't have been any better."

"But it didn't taste like your Granny's, and you only had one bite."

"It's the thought that counts baby."

"So it was bad wasn't it?"

"It was not bad. It was delicious, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it when we get home with our baby."

"No you won't," I said shaking my head.

"And why is that?"

"Because you left it on the table so it's going to go bad by the time we get home."

"Well it's a good thing I sent Trace to go put it in the fridge hours ago..."

"You didn't....OW," I grabbed his hand and attempted to focus on him but it wasn't working anymore. I wanted drugs, no, I needed drugs. I made Justin promise to not let me give in and get them before I went into labor, and right about now I was kicking myself for it. People try and tell you how bad the pain is and I'm sure everyone thinks that they can handle it, just like I did, but let me tell you this pain is like no other. I'd imagine this is exactly what it felt like to be stabbed over and over again and then someone sat there and put pressure against the stab wounds until your insides started to explode. I begged Justin for drugs, if I could have gotten on my hands and knees I would have and the more he said no the more I wanted to punch him in the face. He kept offering me ice chips and a cool cloth like that was going to help at all, and at one point I pulled the typical "I'm in labor crazy bitch act," grabbed his face and said, "You did this to me you asshole." This as you can imagine is not one of my proudest moments. The doctor finally came back in, probably after hearing me scream bloody murder and announced it was time to start pushing. It wasn't until then that the panic set in. I saw him put scrubs on and two nurses came in soon after. I made Justin go out and get his mother and tried to calm myself down and focus on the task at hand, getting this baby out. 

The rest is honestly all a blur. I remember the pain it doesn't all go away like they say it does after the baby is out, and I remember everyone around me cheering me on and he doctor telling me to push. I remember looking up at the clock three hours later and trying to make deals with God to get this baby out. If all pans out the way I said it would, I'll be going back to mass every week and putting a thousand dollars in the collection bin, I'm also going to sponsor 10 children from that commercial they show on TV a million times a day, and some of my shoes are supposedly going to charity. I actually said I'd part with my shoes that alone should be an indication of how badly I wanted to get the baby out. But everything else was a blur, apparently I threatened to kill everyone and literally attempted to punch Justin in the face, and I've been told that I wasn't saying the nicest things to the doctor either. 5 excruciating hours later, and God only knows how many pushes there was a crying baby in my arms and Justin was standing over me cutting the cord. There are no words to describe the feelings that comes over you when you see your baby for the first time. It was like having the wind knocked out of me, but in a good way.

The nurse took the baby to clean it off and I felt like she took a piece of me away. I felt Justin's lips on mine and everything about the last 12 hours disappeared for a minute. He backed away and kissed my forehead and my eyes met his. I reached up and wiped the tears off of his cheeks and he did the same to me.

"I'm so proud of you baby," he said in a shaky voice, "I love you so much."

"We have a baby?" I asked for some reason not believing that I had just given birth.

"We have a baby," he said.

"What is it?"

"I don't even know," he laughed, "I was too excited to look." The nurse was walking over to us with the baby wrapped up in a blanket and I asked her if it was a boy or a girl.

"Take a look Dad," she said to Justin, "Tell Mommy what she's won." She put the baby in Justin's arms and that alone melted my heart. He "sneaked a peek" inside the blanket that his mother had taken him home from the hospital in and started crying again leaving me in the dark.

"WELL?" I said after a few seconds. He walked over to me and put the baby in my arms again, and I stroked its little red cheek.

"Say hello to your son," he sat down next to me on the bed and I looked up at him in shock.

"Really?"

"Yep, it's a boy."

"Oh thank God!" I said and it was at that point that his mother started laughing and I remembered she was actually in the room. It's not that I would have been upset if I had a girl, I would have been happy as long as the baby was healthy, but I was the complete opposite of a girly girl. That combined with the fact that I wasn't really raised well made me really nervous about raising a girl. A boy though I knew I could handle. I could play sports with him and teach him everything there is to know about them, and Justin was a guy's guy and I knew that with his upbringing he'd be able to raise a boy like no other. For the first time, he opened his eyes and looked up at me with the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen. Justin's lips went to my temple and he was stroking  the baby's head. This moment, was the greatest moment of my life.

"Does he have a name?" Lynn asked now walking over to us and looking at her grandson for the first time. I looked up at Justin and he just nodded. We had come up with a name while playing cards earlier but agreed to wait for the baby to be born to actually commit.

"Grandma, I'd like you to meet your grandson, Brayden Francis Timberlake," I said placing my son in her arms. We stayed like that, passing the baby back and forth for a while not saying a word. This moment was exactly what everyone was telling me about. The world around me kind of just stopped. I wasn't thinking about my past, or the future. I didn't think that I was going to fail as a Mom, and I wasn't even really thinking about my relationship with Justin. I was focused on the now. I was focused on my child being in my arms, feeling his soft skin against mine and finally being able to kiss him. I was focused on my family, and on how happy and proud Justin was to have a son. The paparazzi didn't matter, the tabloids didn't matter, nothing mattered except this baby. That day my entire world changed. February 1, 2009 at 6:12am was the day my life was no longer all about me and my past, or about Justin or about our relationship, it was about this little 7lb 8oz baby boy that totally depended on us to survive and that we would do everything in our power to protect.

Once we said it was okay for people to start visiting we were surrounded by family and friends for the next three days. Since everything went smoothly and Brayden was in tiptop health we were cleared to go home the next day and our front door became a revolving door for everyone to come and see him. Having a baby home with us was quite the adjustment and we were so lucky to have Justin's parents staying with us for a few weeks to help get accustom to day to day life. As much as I loved having everyone over it was absolutely exhausting, and after being home for two days and not having a minute to breath I made Justin kick everyone out so that we actually had a minute to just be a family and take it all in.

I was in our bedroom feeding Brayden when I heard silence for the first time since the hospital. His big blue eyes were looking into mine and I couldn't help but cry. I was thinking about how I reacted when I found out I was pregnant and how much my life has changed since then. I can't imagine my life without him in it and the thought of ending my pregnancy now literally made me sick to my stomach. He was a mini Justin, but luckily he had my nose. He had little curls and could scream just like his father. When he'd get upset he would scrunch his nose and furrow his brows just like Justin would, and those eyes. Eyes that I was once afraid of, were now eyes that I longed to see every waking moment from my son and his amazing father. I heard the bedroom door close but didn't look up to see who it was.

"Hey Mama," Justin said sitting down next to me and placing a small kiss on my cheek.

"It's so weird to hear you say that to me and not your mother."

"How's he doing?"

"He's a good eater that's for sure. Must have picked that up from his Dad."

"We Timberlake men like to eat...or, well...drink," he laughed, "and how are you doing?"

"Well, besides the fact that I'm exhausted, I've never been better. Can you believe this Justin? Can you believe that we have a baby? Like, he's ours, we get to keep him," I said looking up at him for the first time since he came in the room.

"It's pretty surreal. I can't wait until my parents go home and it's just us though."

"Don't say that," I said quickly, "Your mother hasn't taught me everything yet!"

"You'll never know everything Ris...she doesn't even know everything. Babies are like a learn as you go kind of deal."

"That just doesn't seem right, I feel like they are the one thing in life that should come with a manual."

"I know," he said reaching out and brushing Brayden's cheek, "I have something for you."

"You do? For what?"

"I'm just...I'm so proud of you and I love you so much and you gave me my son, so I just got you a small gift to say thank you, and I love you." He pulled out a small box from the drawer of the end table and put it in between us. I handed him the baby and just watched him for a few seconds before picking up the box and unwrapping it. I opened the lid and pulled out the most beautiful locket I've ever seen in my life. It was white gold with diamonds wrapped around the edges, "turn it around," he said with the baby resting on his shoulder. I flipped it over and saw that the back was engraved "B.F.T." and underneath that it had his birthday. I opened the locket and immediately started crying. Inside was a picture of Justin and me from his birthday dinner with all of his family and friends just a week ago, and on the other side was the first picture we took as a family. My first instinct was to jump on him and wrap my arms around him but when I looked up and saw the baby sleeping peacefully on his shoulder I contained myself and pressed my lips on his, closing my eyes and letting it all sink in.

"Thank you baby...for everything. I didn't think I could ever love you any more then I already did, but I do. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. I love you very much, don't ever forget that okay?"

"I could never forget that Justin."

"You say that now, but things are going to get crazy. I'm going to get on your nerves and we're both going to have bad attitudes due to lack of sleep, but I want you to know that even through all of that I love you and I will never ever stop loving you. You're the mother of my child and the love of my life."

"Is this make Marissa cry day?"

"Come on now...we all know every day is make Marissa cry day babe."

"This is true. But seriously, thank you."

"You're welcome baby," he said leaning over and giving me a kiss, "now go shower before you start to smell even worse then you already do."

"JUSTIN! I do not smell."

"I know I'm just kidding, but seriously go shower, it's been two days..."

"But the baby..."

"The baby is sleeping, and I'm a fully capable human being. I've got him, go take a few minutes for yourself you deserve it."

"What if he starts crying?"

"Marissa," he said looking at me with a stern eye, "I'm the child's father, I think I can handle it."

"What if you think wrong?" I asked trying really hard not to laugh but knowing there was a smirk on my face.

"GO...now, before I beat you up."

"Oh real nice Justin," I said walking away, "Nice thing to say to your kids mother." I closed the bathroom door with a smile on my face, thankful for everything I have in my life, and knowing that so much is going to change but at the same time everything is going to stay exactly the same.