Author's Chapter Notes:

I used the Lykke Li CD entitled Youth Novels as inspiration hence the name of the story and also the tracks are the titles of the chapters so I will be using lyrics from the songs throughout the chapters. 

Also I don't know/own Justin Timberlake and blah blah blah so don't sue me! 

Ch1: Melodies and Desires

 

While I do not know when this happened, I do know I never want it to end. While we both know this thing between us will burn any and every chance we ever had at a normal relationship, we don't seem to care. All because of this connection. This pull between us that is so strong that it makes me forget about everything I stand for and throw away a man who is possibly the most honest and beautiful person in the world. A man who until three months ago I thought I loved. A man who until three months ago I would have died before I hurt. A man that I respect and care about so deeply that I can't look at my self in the mirror because as much as I can say that this  man is, there is one thing that I can say that he's not. And for some reason that's the one thing that matters the most to me lately.

 

That man is not Justin. 

 

And when Justin's lying on his back next to me, looking at the ceiling, minutes after I have given him all of me, all I can think about is how Rob isn't him. My head is on his chest and his fingers are roaming through my hair. My fingers trailing up and down his chest. And in this moment I have this overwhelming desire to tell him. Tell Justin that to me, this isn't just about us banging each others brains out. That while I don't know if I love him, I know that I could. And God, what's even worse... is I want to know if he could love me too. I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me that he would leave Jess today and never look back. And I'd look at him and tell him that I already left Rob from the moment we started this... thing.  I mean, I haven't physically left him but mentally I've been when Justin this whole time.

 

Take a look at me

This light is so obvious

I want you to see

Come a little closer

Look me in the eye

Then repeat with me one more time

 

 

I feel myself working up the courage. My heart is pounding so hard that I'm afraid he hears it. And Oh My God, am I doing this? My mouth goes dry just as I open it to speak and I'm thinking this is a sign to just shut my mouth. 

 

Love is the harmony

Desire is the key

Love is a symphony

Now play it with me

 

And then my phone rings and Justin stiffens beneath me and I feel so stupid for not putting it on silent because the moment is gone.  Justin raises up and I fall to the bed with a sigh, afraid to look at him for the fear of seeing the look on his face. I don't want to see regret in his eyes. I don't want him to regret me because as shitty as I know this makes me sound, I don't regret this. Whatever this thing is, it brought me to him and I don't regret that. And if that makes me selfish, to hell with it.

 

"Ava"

 

As soon as he says my name I know that I won't be giving any heart-filled speeches tonight, if ever. I look over at him, already standing, shaking on his Willam Rast jeans and I smile. While a sad one it's still a smile because it's hard to be around him and not just want to smile.

 

And damn when did I become this stupid lovesick girl? I realize he's waiting for conformation that I'm listening to him and decide I should probably speak.

 

"Yeah" He looks as if he's confused by my pause but shrugs it off and continues getting dressed and in my head I'm screaming "NOOOO, not the shirt!" I smirk at my silliness and get up out of the bed myself throwing back on my neon skirt and off the shoulder rolling stones tee that's no doubt the oldest thing in the room.

 

"You gonna answer that? This is the third time he's called back." He looks worried and I feel the first pang of guilt I've felt all night.

 

"Yeah." I grab the phone and stand in front of the mirror tossing my sex hair around to make it look somewhat like I didn't just go for hours. And I see Justin's reflection in the mirror and I feel my heart breaking.

 

But the guilt feeling isn't towards Rob. I know right, you're shocked, but I feel guilty for making Justin worry. I mean I am Rob's girlfriend but he's Justin's friend/producer/brother. And I know what this is doing to him. And for a moment I want to tell him that it's over. Leave all of this behind us, feelings and all and just forget it ever happened.

 

"Hey, what's up?" I answer the phone still watching Justin through the mirror.

 

"Hey Babe, where are you I thought we were gonna get dinner tonight?" Shit shit shit shit shit! I completely forgot about this. See, this is why I'm not made for cheating. I can't even remember simple things like dinner. "Oh, yeah I just lost track of time with Kasey. I'm on my way." That lie came out easy.

 

"Ok, well hurry I miss you, I haven't seen you all day." And the second pang of guilt hits me for the night and this time it is for Rob because he loves me so much and I'm a fucking lying cheating bitch and he doesn't even know it. I hurry off the phone before I can lie to him again. "Ok see you in a few."

 

I turn to see Justin lacing his shoes and I slip my feet into mine. "I have to go...dinner with Rob." I feel the need to explain but he just shakes his head as if to dismiss my explanations.

 

"Yeah, go, we're actually hitting up the studio later tonight so I need to go do a couple of things myself."

 

I hesitate at the awkwardness of this whole situation and meet eyes with him. "Ava, you know we-"

 

"Justin don't say it okay? Just leave it. We're both adults and I understand the weight of this as much as you okay. Just don't grow a conscience now please?" When I realize how much of a bitch I sounded like I look up, a little shocked by my own outburst. Justin is looking at me now, silent but with wondering eyes.

 

"I'm sorry okay? I wasn't trying to be a bitch but I just...I know what you're about to say and I'm not ready for it. So just give me a little more time yeah?" I rub his arm and kiss his cheek, slowly stepping away from him to leave.

 

His left hand goes into his pocket while his right hand rubs the back of his head. "You're not ready for what Ava? " And I realize that I've probably said too much and that the look he was giving me wasn't because of the tone of my previous statement but the truth in it that neither one of us had dared to say before.

 

I guess the elephant is ready to leave the room now. This is it, I'm finally going to be honest about my feelings for him. Oh my God I think I'm going to be sick

 

"I'm not ready to let you go."

 

And there it goes. What neither of us wanted to talk about. I need this and I know he needs it too. I feel it when he touches me. I hear it when he says my name. While I haven't heard it from him, I know that he could love me too. At least I hope I know.

 

"Don't say shit like that. You know I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you Ava but this...thing...what we're doing right now; we both know it's not right. Somebody's gonna get hurt sooner or later."

 

And while I know he's right I also know that I need more time with him. I grab my purse off the lounger provided by the hotel that we're in and head towards the door, deciding that no response is the best one of all.

 

Chapter End Notes:
Review please! Let me know if I should continue, if it sucks, if you love it...whatever! Thanks for reading.

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