You know now I'm not a man who's ever been
Insecure about the world I've been livin' in
I don't break easy I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied

I'm shameless, oh honey I don't have a prayer
Every time I see you standin' there
I go down upon my knees 

I watched Trace throw down his controller and do some stupid little dance around the game room.  I scowled at him, but it was more because I was hung up on this Jayme thing and less because he beat me.  I wasn’t really trying anyway.

“Dude, I just spanked you!  Tiger Woods ain’t got nothing on me!”  He did another jig before throwing himself down on the couch next to me.  I shoved his shoulder off of my leg and stood up to pace the room.

“It’s a fucking game.  You know I kick your ass when we’re really on the course.  I’m not focused anyway.”

“Yeah, because some bitch has got your panties in a bunch.”  He snickered at me so I flipped him the bird.

“Fuck off, Trace.  I need to figure out what to do for this date.”  I continued to pace.  Trace put his hands behind his head and lounged back on the couch.

“I don’t know, flowers, dinner…what do bitches like that want?”  I almost yelled at him for calling her a bitch, but then I realized how that made me sound.  I didn’t care about this girl; I just wanted to get her into bed.  Right, JT, just keep telling yourself that.

“She’s not gonna be impressed by that shit.  I need to do something different.”

“Dude, you sound so gay right now.”  He laughed and then stood up, grabbing his beer off the table and finishing it off.  “All right Fucker, being around you is making me feel all girly and shit.  Good luck getting her panties off.”

I watched him leave the room and flopped down onto the couch when I heard the front door slam shut.  I am so fucked.  It had been a whole day and I still hadn’t come up with anything to do for Jayme.  I really wanted to impress her but I knew my usual ideas weren’t going to work. 

After sitting there for a few minutes and not coming up with anything, I gave into that little voice in my head and called my mother.

 Now, most people like to think that I’m a complete Momma’s boy, but that would be wrong.  I mean, I love my mother and she and I are pretty close, but I don’t tell her every little detail and I don’t call her every day.  In fact, before I met Jayme I was neglecting my mom a lot, but she understood most of the time.  It didn’t help my cause when my mother absolutely loved Jayme for how she was changing me (I was in denial at the time, I wouldn’t have admitted to the change if you’d asked).

 That first time I called for advice she was ecstatic.  This was the first time in years I’d asked my mom advice about a woman, and the first time in a long time that I’d actually taken a girl on a date that didn’t involve my bed and a package of condoms. 

Jayme had me experiencing a lot of firsts. 

Anyway, my mother was thrilled and totally willing to help me out.  I left out the part about wanting to fuck the shit out of this girl, but only ‘cause I don’t think Mom would’ve liked that very much.  She did have some great ideas for a date though, and she reminded me that I was a romantic person at one point in time. 

I made the mistake of telling Trace what I had planned and he still makes fun of me about it.  Whatever, I made a lot of progress with Jayme that night and that’s what mattered. 

God Lord, she’s gorgeous.  Jayme is walking toward me with this sundress thing on and these strappy heels and she’s fucking beautiful.  I stumble over to the passenger side of the door to hold it open and I can hear her giggle.  I feel like a fucking idiot but hearing her laugh makes me smile, even if she’s laughing at me.

I don’t get nervous much anymore.  Sometimes before I have a television interview, or before I get onstage I’ll get butterflies, but my nerves have been hardened over the years.  Having said that, my fucking stomach is in my throat and my hands won’t stop sweating.

I am such a fucking pussy around this girl.

After I’ve sat myself behind the wheel and we’re on our way to our destination, she looks over at me with an expectant stare.

“So where are we going?”  I can smell the fruity perfume she’s got on and I want to lean over and smell her but I don’t think that would go over well.

“It’s a surprise.”  I flash her a smile and she seems to tense up a little bit.

“I’m not fond of surprises, Mr. Timberlake.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll like it.”  I focus on the road for a second before turning to add “I hope.”

She sits back a little and continues to stare at me.  “Wow, is that a break in the cockiness I see?  And here I was thinking you were the man and nothing was too difficult for you.”

“Normally I would agree, but I’ve never met a girl like you before.”  She seems pleased with my answer because the rest of the short car ride is spent in relative silence.  I’ve got Al Greene playing on the stereo and she seems to be comfortable enough.

It’s such a strange thing for me to be wondering about what she’s thinking and if she’s going to like the surprise or not.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been considerate of a woman’s feelings, but for some reason she matters more than the others.  I haven’t figured out why yet, but I will soon.

We pull up to a secluded park and I glance around to make sure my bodyguards are where I’ve asked them to be.  I spot them sitting at a safe distance and I let out a breath of relief.  The last thing I want is to be bombarded with paps and fans when I’m already trying hard enough to win this girl over.

“A park?”  She’s looking around and I can’t tell if she’s excited or not.  Good God she makes me want to puke with anticipation.

“Yeah…but there’s more.”  I get out and hurry around the car to open her door before grabbing a basket from the back and leading her over to the area I’ve set up.  I spent the whole afternoon setting up this spot and working on getting food together.  If she doesn’t like this I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do.

“Wow.”  She speaks with a breathy whisper and I want to close my eyes and imagine that voice saying my name but I refrain.  Holy shit this girl has got an affect on me and I haven’t even gotten laid yet.

“Here, have a seat.”  I lead her over to a small table and chairs that I brought out and watch as she takes in her surroundings.  I strung up some white lights around the trees and lit some candles on the table so there’s a nice glow.  The table has a white cloth over it and I played some soft music in the background.  I hope she likes this shit because it took me forever.

“I’m shocked, this is amazing.”  She gives me the first genuine smile I’ve seen and I think I might melt.  Wait…did I really just say that?  I’m so fucked. 

“I made dinner too.”  I grab the basket and set it on the table.  I catch her giving me a skeptical look.

“You made dinner?  Don’t you mean you called and had someone make it for you?”  The attitude is back and I wish she didn’t think so low of me, it’s starting to actually bother my.

“Nope, I made it.”  I give a sheepish grin before setting a plate out in front of her.  “I hope you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  I don’t think you would want to try anything else I might make.  I’m not a very good cook.”

She lets out this musical laugh and I smile along with her.  “This was nothing like I expected from you, Justin.  I’m surprised.”  I watch her take a bite of the sandwich and smile when she nods in satisfaction.

“Is it a good surprise?”  I sound like a fucking dick-sucker when I ask that, my voice all hopeful and shit.

“Yes, it’s very good.”  She smiles at me again and suddenly I don’t really care that I’m turning into a pussy.  Trace would not be happy if he heard me say that.  I will admit that I still want to get her into bed though; I guess I’m just not in as much of a rush.

“What were you expecting?”  I finish off my sandwich and take a sip of the lemonade I brought.  This is so unlike me.

“Well,” She starts with a small smile, “I was thinking you would take me to some fancy restaurant, probably one that you owned, and that I would be showered with expensive gifts of some sort and the night would be a show of the power and wealth you possess.” 

Wow, tell me how you really feel.

I sit back in my chair and eye her for a moment.  That’s exactly what I would’ve done if I hadn’t called my mom.  I’ll have to call her and thank her tomorrow.

“Honestly, I thought about that.  Well, taking you out to a restaurant.  But my mom thought you might like something like this better.  She suggested a picnic, I just took the idea and made it my own.”  An eyebrow arches in my direction and a smirk appears on her face.

“You’ve really started to change my opinion of you, Justin.  You may not be who I thought you were.”

I want to push it, I really do.  I think I might have a chance tonight too, if I really wanted to take it.  But something stops me.  Maybe it’s the smile on her face or the words she’s just told me, but something stops me from taking advantage of the situation and bringing her back to my place. 

I really can’t believe I’m letting this opportunity go by.

I still can’t believe I didn’t take that first chance at getting her into bed.  I’m not positive that she would’ve slept with me that night, but I know she would’ve been a lot more open to suggestions.  I took her out to ice cream after we finished eating and then dropped her off at her place.  She seemed impressed when I brought her home and only offered a kiss on the cheek.  I would’ve liked a little disappointment too, but I wasn’t going to say that aloud. 

Trace was a little pissed when I told him how the night went.  He really couldn’t understand why I hadn’t fucked her as soon as she showed interest.  I couldn’t really explain it either, at least not then. 

I just know that I wanted to be different with Jayme.  I wanted to see her smile and not just because we were having good sex.  In fact, sex started to become one of the last things on my mind, and it was starting to drive me crazy.  I didn’t know what the fuck was happening to me. 

I’m still trying to figure out how she did it.