Casey glanced at her wristwatch when she heard the knock on the door. It wasn't quite time to leave, and JC had a key so there was no reason for him to knock.
"Hey, J.” She was surprised to see Justin on the other side of the door when she opened it. "JC's not here right now. He--”
“I know.” Justin smiled. “I'm here to talk to you.”
"Oh.” She raised an eyebrow in question. “Come on in, then.”
He followed her into the room. “You're not busy, are you? I know 'C’s gonna be occupied for awhile and I kinda wanted to talk to you alone.”
She nodded and gestured to the bed. “I'm packing up the rest of my stuff so you can talk while I work.”
While Justin situated himself on the bed, Casey disappeared into the bathroom. "So, what's up with you and 'C?" he asked.
The question caught her off-guard but she recovered quickly. "Ask him,” she shot back.
"I'm asking you," he replied evenly. When she didn't immediately respond, he continued. "I heard your radio interview yesterday.”
From the other room she paused in her actions of putting toiletries back into her zippered pouch. She stared at her own reflection in the mirror and mentally counted to five.
First JC, now Justin. Were Lance, Joey, and Chris were going to approach her as well? None of her dancers had said anything, but Jasmine and Lawrence both gave her funny looks when the interview was over.
Was it really that bad, what she had said? Yes, it was a lie, but no one needed to know that. No one who didn't already know, in any event. And besides, she and JC were on the same page about keeping their relationship secret. So what difference did it make if they lied to everyone else? It was no one else's business in the first place.
Justin's tone of voice wasn't the slightest bit accusing or condescending, but she found herself jumping to the defensive anyway. She put her bag down on the counter and moved to stand in the doorway.
"Listen, Justin,” she began, hands on her hips, “I already talked to JC so--”
He smirked at her. “I'm not about to attack you so you can take your hands off your hips and stop looking at me like that.”
She narrowed her eyes and glared at the blonde. “How am I looking at you?”
"Like you wanna fight me. Settle down, shorty.” He crossed his arms over his chest, still smiling smugly.
Several months, close quarters, lots of conversations and apparently Justin knew her pretty well. She continued to frown at him but she dropped her hands.
After a beat, Justin continued. “I'm gonna level with you.”
"OK,” she replied tentatively.
"He's crazy about you, Casey.” His voice was quiet and his eyes on her earnest.
She blushed furiously, feeling simultaneously pleased and anxious.
Justin nodded, leaning back on his hands. “I know that JC can play his cards close to the vest sometimes, but you are...very important to him.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned, a sinking feeling in her stomach. “I know it sounded like I don't care about him. In that interview. But we--JC and I--talked about it yesterday, OK? I just don't want what's going on between us to be what people are focusing on. Instead of my music, you know? That's all.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I get that, shorty. You know I do. And I get that the two of you have to figure out how to handle what you tell the rest of the world. But I'm telling you this. Partially because you're my friend, and partially because he's my brother. He cares a lot about you, more than you realize, I think. And you just need to be careful with him.”
When her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak he held up a hand. “Just hear me out, OK? Before you cuss me out.” He chuckled. “From where I sit, I'm pretty sure you feel the same way about him."
She blushed again, but said nothing.
"JC is…” He exhaled noisily. “He's more sensitive than he lets on. And he takes things to heart, and he takes things hard. I know that you have to protect your career and your image; you know how well I understand that. But I'm just asking you to consider how you choose to do that very carefully. And just...protect him, and how I know you feel about him, too. OK? That's all I'm saying.”
The lump in her throat rose unexpectedly as did the sting behind her eyes. She blinked rapidly a few times and cleared her throat. “You're a good friend, Justin,” she said so softly it was nearly a whisper.
"Yeah, well, so is JC.” He nodded again and stood up with a grunt. “I'm gonna leave you to your packing.”
She followed him to the door, quietly considering his words. “Justin,” she began as he reached out to turn the door handle.
He turned back to face her. “What's up, shorty?”
She glanced down at the floor and then back up at him. “I do, you know?” She shrugged, and rolled her eyes with a self-conscious little smile. “Feel the same way. About him, I mean.”
He smiled brightly. “Yeah. I know.” He patted her shoulder. “You guys'll figure it out. See you later, shorty.”
***
Nothing he had said was wrong.
Which made her feel like shit.
It was a stupid radio interview. And the DJ was too damn intrusive anyway. And who she was dating, and whether or not it was JC, was none of his or anyone else's business.
So why did she feel like shit?
She had already talked to JC and he understood; he told her so. He told her he was completely fine with her doing whatever it was she needed to do for her career, and to feel comfortable.
Except for that undefinable yet undeniable something in the way he almost didn't completely look at her when he said it. And that sparkle in his beautiful blue eyes that just kind of sparked out when he said it.
But he understood, too. He also had an image to uphold. One that, for the most part, didn't include a relationship with his opening act.
Still, she felt like complete and utter shit.
So what if people knew? Not suspected they knew. Or thought they knew. Or heard from someone who had heard it from someone else. But what if they, she and JC, were just open and upfront and honest about it? And the next time someone asked if there was any truth to the rumors, what if they just...said yes?
Without the specter of Tony's book haunting her, that all would have sounded OK. Casey Whitaker: up and coming singer, songwriter, performer, and girlfriend of *NSYNC’s JC Chasez.
She heard the slide of a keycard in the door and ran into the bathroom. She grabbed a tissue to clean up her face, which was streaked with mascara-tinted tears. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she scrubbed then away. Her red eyes were another story; maybe she could attribute that to extreme exhaustion.
"Casey,” JC called from out in the other room. “You still here?”
"Yep,” she yelled back. “In the bathroom.”
He was standing behind her a couple of seconds later, smiling at her reflection in the mirror. “Hey. We're leaving out in a couple minutes.”
He was beautiful. Physically, yes. And that was so ridiculously obvious as he stood there in his fitted black sweater and almost comically too big and baggy jeans. His black and blue baseball cap was pulled down low, but he raised his chin slightly to look at her, so she could see the warmth in his bright blue eyes.
He was heartbreakingly gorgeous, and smolderingly sexy. But the part that sometimes took her breath away was the part that couldn't be seen just by looking at him. The part that she had fallen for, and was still falling for, was his incredible heart. His kindness. His unassuming and quiet generosity. The fact that he was, to the depths of his being, such a genuinely good person.
She was crying again.
"OK,” she said with what she hoped was a convincing smile.
Without warning or much of a thought, she spun around and wrapped her arms firmly around him, burying her head against his chest. She shuddered involuntarily, trying to get her breathing under control.
"Hey,” he said in soft surprise, putting his arms around her. "What's wrong?”
Her voice was muffled against the cotton of his sweater. “Does something have to be wrong for me to hug you?”
He squeezed her tighter. “Nah, and I'm not complaining.”
They stood that way for a few moments. For the first time, Casey considered telling him about the book, as well as about what had happened in the hotel room months before. In the quiet room, with nothing but the sound of his heartbeat a faint rhythm in her ears, and the feeling of safety she had being wrapped in his arms, it no longer seemed so big or so bad. And then maybe, although it scared her more than the other things combined, she could be honest with him about exactly how she was feeling about him.
She took a deep breath and pulled away from the hug just enough to look up at him. “There's something--”
Before she could finish the sentence two rapid knocks sounded at the door of the hotel room. She smiled. “Time to go.” She took a step away from him but he held onto her arms.
"What were you about to say?”
She chuckled lightly and gently extricated herself from his grasp. “It wasn't important,” she said, turning away.
"Casey.”
She turned back to him. JC's eyes burned into hers and she sensed an urgency there that scared her a little.
"Seriously, what were you about to say?”
"Just, um…” She paused, her resolve to tell him the truth rapidly crumbling. The doubts resurfaced; what if he believed what Tony had written? The thought of that, and how he would look at her so differently from that point forward, made her ill. “Thank you.”
His brow furrowed and he looked at her quizzically. “For what?”
"Just for caring.” She shrugged.
"I'm your boyfriend.” He smiled. “It comes with the territory.”
She glanced down at her shoes before looking back up at his face. “It's been awhile since I had a boyfriend who took the friend part seriously, so…” She trailed off, feeling her face burn in embarrassment.
"Yo!” Eric’s booming voice sounded from the other side of the door, followed by three more knocks in quick succession. “JC! Casey! Let's go!!”
Her eyes flitted toward the door. “I better open that before he knocks it down.”
She saw JC open his mouth to say something else, but she turned away before he could say it.
***
She'd been about to tell him something. And although he believed her thank you had been sincere, he also believed that wasn't what she'd originally been planning to say. Whatever it was, it was something important; he would've bet on it, what with the way she'd almost physically steeled herself to say it. Before that, it was the way she dove into his arms when she'd turned around. Like she didn't want him to know she'd been crying. Which, even though he didn't say anything, was obvious the moment he'd seen her red-rimmed eyes looking back at him in the mirror. And while he was holding her, there were her tell-tale shuddery inhales and exhales.
She'd meant it when she'd said thank you, but there was more to it than that, and he knew it beyond any shadow of reasonable doubt. And that knowledge gnawed at him.
With a show to do in less than twenty minutes, JC shook himself to push his thoughts about Casey away, if only temporarily.
***
Casey tossed her arm over face and groaned. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. The bus rolled and while normally the motion lulled her, tonight she couldn’t sleep. Lawrence and Jazz were in the back, watching a movie. Mike had come to the bunks with her, and every so often she could hear his soft snores. But she couldn't sleep; there was far too much on her mind.
JC wanted her to meet his parents and the thought terrified her. She needed to process it, out loud with another person preferably. That, naturally, meant discussing the book. She picked up her phone and after looking at the time, she quickly scrolled to the name of the only person she could talk about everything with. It was late, but she hoped she'd be awake.
She offered up a silent thanks when Jada answered on the second ring.
"I know it's late, but please tell me you can talk right now,” Casey demanded by way of a greeting. “I'm freaking out, and I need you to tell me to calm down.”
"I can talk right now, and you should calm down,” Jada said slowly. “Is everything OK? Are you pregnant?”
"What? No!” Casey exclaimed in near horror. She pulled back the curtain of her bunk, wondering if her outburst had startled anyone, but all was quiet--aside from Mike’s intermittent snores--and dark. She continued quietly, “Why would you even say that?”
"You sound frantic and I figured that would be a good reason to be frantic.”
Casey rolled her eyes and stretched. “Let's not even put that out into the atmosphere.” She shuddered.
Jada grunted. “So what's wrong then?”
"What isn't wrong these days?” Casey snorted.
"That's dramatic, even for you.”
“I’m serious, Jada; I don’t even know where to start.”
"But you're sure you're not pregnant?”
"Shut up about that already! I'm not pregnant.” Casey frowned and shifted further beneath the blanket in her bunk.
"So what's up?” Jada asked, a chuckle in her voice.
"JC wants me to meet his parents.” Casey's voice was timid and weak.
There was a pause before Jada said, “So?”
Casey closed her eyes and cut to the chase. “Tony wrote a book about me. It hasn't been published yet, but it's bad. He makes me out to be someone I'm not. Most of it's complete lies, but there's just enough truth mixed in. He talks about how we got together. And it gets worse from there.
"The asshole couriered a copy to me when we were in L.A. Thoughtful, huh?” She sniffed. “He says I fucked for tracks, Jada. I mean, I think that part's worse than the rest of it. He's calling my integrity as an artist into question and the fucked up part is, you know people will believe it!”
Her words came out in a rush and when she was done, she inhaled as if she were going to say something else, but then let her breath out in a whoosh and stopped talking.
"OK, whoa. Back up for a second.” Jada made a small sound that conveyed her confusion. “He wrote a book about you? That's not published? And he sent it to you? How the hell did he know what hotel you'd be in? Is he stalking you now, too?”
Casey could hear the anger in her best friend's voice and it was a small comfort to her. “He probably still has the tour itinerary. But to make it worse, he showed up at the hotel. And I sorta confronted him.” She paused. “And punched him,” she finished quietly.
"You did what?” Jada exclaimed. “You hit him? For real?”
Casey laughed a little before sobering. “I was in the hotel's restaurant with JC and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He wanted to be seen though. Anyway, I followed him out of the hotel and I yelled a bunch and punched him in the face before JC and his bodyguard could get to me.”
"Holy shit, Case! What happened after that?”
"Nothing, really.” Casey sighed, recalling what had happened next. “Tony left and I kind of fell apart on JC--who still has no idea what’s going on, by the way--and now he wants me to meet his parents. Which is perfect timing since pretty soon the entire world, or at least the U.S., will know me as R&B's biggest whore.” She pulled her covers over her face and pouted.
Jada tsked. “OK, first of all, no one's gonna think that. But what do you mean you kinda fell apart on JC, and why doesn't he have any idea of what's going on? He had to have asked why you punched Tony. Aside from him just being an asshole with a punchable face, I mean.”
"I didn't tell him about the book. He wasn't with me when I got it, and I don't want him to know. After I punched him, and we were back in our room, I just kind of...cried. Hysterically. Like snot-dripping, ugly crying. And JC was sweet and amazing and didn't ask me a million questions.
"And later we…well, you know. But, Jada, it was different.”
"Different how?”
"I don't know,” Casey groaned. “But it was like, more than just having sex or something. It felt...different.”
Jada made a small, inquisitive sound. “Different like...what? Love?”
Despite the fact that she was alone and, so far as she could tell, no one was listening in on her conversation, Casey suddenly felt exposed and embarrassed. Once again, she tucked her head beneath her blanket. “How am I supposed to know, Jada? Nik's the only guy I've ever said I love you to.”
Jada cleared her throat before speaking again. “OK, well before you deal with that, what about the book? If everyone knows Tony's lying no one will publish it, right? Can't you get a...I don’t know. There's gotta be some legal way to stop him from printing it.”
Casey sighed again. “Yeah, well. My lawyer thinks the best way for that to happen is to get a restraining order against him first. Which means I'd have to go to court to testify about what happened in the hotel room that day.”
"And why wouldn't you at this point, Case?” Jada sounded as if she were talking to a small child. “Tony's a lying, abusive asshole--and apparently a psycho stalker on top of it. Go to court. Get rid of him for good.”
Casey groaned in disgust. “I don't want to go to court. And I don't want everyone to know things that aren't their business. I especially don't want JC to know. And what happens if I go to court, testify, and he still manages to publish his stupid book? Then what? Then my career is probably over and my relationship with JC is definitely over.”
Jada cleared her throat. “People thinking you fucked for tracks isn't going to necessarily stop your career. I mean, you've said yourself that it isn't exactly unheard of.”
"But I don't do it!”
Ignoring her friend's outburst, Jada continued. "Let me play devil’s advocate for a second here, OK? I know you don't do it. But my point is, even if you did, it doesn’t change the fact that you're a great singer, you're a great dancer, and people like the overall performance aspect of things anyway. You've also said that it’s pretty much only other musicians who really care about who's writing the songs.”
Casey made a face her friend couldn't see, but she didn't argue.
"The bigger question to me is, what could Tony possibly say in his book to end your relationship with JC? He attacked you in your hotel room a matter of months ago, Case; he was literally taken out of the hotel in handcuffs. He has no credibility.”
"Almost no one knows what happened in the hotel room because I didn't press charges, remember?” Casey huffed.
"So maybe it's time to press charges, but regardless, JC's still not going to believe anything Tony says about you. No one who knows you will.”
Casey rolled her eyes and flopped over onto her stomach, bringing her face closer to the pillow. “I went home with Tony the night I met him. Remember that? Pretty similar to how I slept with JC after one kind of intense conversation.”
"Oh, come on. Two completely different circumstances.”
"Not completely, not really. I have a history, Jada.”
"Two guys that you ended up dating long term isn't a history,” Jada stated dismissively. “And even if it was, who the hell cares? Whatever you did with whoever you did it with before doesn't have anything to do with JC now.”
Casey blew out a breath in frustration. “There's other stuff he says in the book, like that I wanted to have sex all the time. And the thing is, that was never true when I was with Tony. But...I don’t know. I initiate it a lot with, JC. What if he reads it and just thinks I'm a slut?”
"Casey, youre my best friend and I love you, but you're being ridiculous,” Jada scoffed. “So because you like having sex with your boyfriend, you're a slut? Also, it wasn't like JC was celibate before the two of you got together. He's got his own history, right? And most importantly, he got to witness Tony up close and personal; he's not going to believe anything that asshole says about you.”
Both women were silent for several moments before Jada spoke. “Tony's a sick sonofabitch. I mean, I know that's an understatement, but, Casey, he showed up at your autograph signing. He wrote a book about you, couriered it to you, and then showed up at your hotel. And all this after an entirely fucked up relationship--which, by the way, started when you were way too young--and ended with him literally physically assaulting you.
"Whether he's got details or not, JC knows that nothing Tony says or does can be trusted. And more importantly, JC knows you. Everything that you've told me about him, about the two of you, for the past few months makes that clear to me and I don't even know the guy.”
She stopped for a moment before continuing. “Instead of worrying how he's gonna react if all of this stuff comes out, just tell him, Case. Seriously; whether you're ready to say the L-word or not, you clearly have feelings for him that run deeper than just liking to hang out with him. And it sounds like you guys are pretty serious. Trust him enough to be honest with him.”
"It's not that simple,” Casey said in a small voice. “I did a radio show the other day and the DJ asked if JC and I were together because apparently there are some rumors floating around. I denied it. Like, harshly. And of course, JC heard the whole thing, and I think I hurt his feelings. But, Jada, if the book comes out there’s absolutely no way in hell we can be public with our relationship.
"His fans would lose their collective shit. They can be a scary bunch anyway, but if all this comes out, they're really going to hate me and hate that I'm with him. They all think he's pure as the driven snow and I'll look like...like the skank hoe who deflowered and defiled him.”
Jada began laughing which caused Casey to dissolve into her own fit of giggles.
"Do they really think that about him?” Jada asked, when she was able to catch her breath.
Still snickering, Casey replied, “Some of his fans still think he's a virgin. Seriously.”
"Even after he dated the model...what was her name? Her boobs were so obviously fake.”
Casey snorted. “Ah, you mean AnaBeth Carvalho. The other interesting thing that happened in L.A. is that I finally got to meet her.” Her voice was thick with sarcasm. “And by meet, I mean I walked up on her kissing JC.”
"What?” Jada squeaked.
"Yeah. I don't even want to get into it. But actually, this whole thing may work out in her favor. She made it clear she wants him back; maybe she’ll have her wish soon.”
"Casey,” Jada said with more than a hint of aggravation in her voice, “stop being so dramatic. I know it's kind of like breathing for you, but seriously cut it out.”
Casey grumbled under her breath and Jada kept speaking. “Ana-whatever-her-name-is was out of the picture before you came into it, so don't make her a reason for not telling JC the truth. Talk to him. You shouldn't be going through this all by yourself.”
Casey inhaled slowly before yawning. “I need to get some sleep, but thanks. I'll think about it, everything you said.”
