Author's Chapter Notes:

"Besides," Casey smirked at her, "you have a story to tell me about another member of *NSYNC, don't you?"

Casey readjusted her shirt for the umpteenth time; the longer she waited, the more she questioned her decision.

 

She’d wanted to make the phone call the previous night, her mother’s words still fresh in her mind. But after returning from dinner Matthew had begged her to play Monopoly and by the time that was over it was way too late. Instead, she’d made the call first thing that morning, and although she’d been nervous she was encouraged by the short, but pleasant exchange. Amber had told her what time she’d be home from work and agreed to sit down to talk with her.

 

She’d answered the door with the phone to her ear, mouthing to Casey that she’d be done in a few and to make herself at home. Only ten or so minutes had passed, but it felt like significantly more. Amber was in another room, still on the phone with her parents, and the minutes ticked by slowly. Casey had planned out everything she wanted to say, but sitting there in the living room, the sound of Amber’s voice filtering in from the other room, she thought maybe what she had to say wasn’t enough.

 

Before she could consider it more, Amber was coming back. “I’m so sorry that took so long. My mom was going on and on and I could hardly get a word in. I finally told her you were here and she rushed off. Both mom and dad say hi, by the way.” She took a seat in a chair kitty-corner from the couch.

 

Casey laughed a little. “Oh, no it’s totally fine. Tell them I say hi.”

 

Amber nodded. “I was really surprised to hear from you.”

 

“Yeah.” Casey sighed. “I half-expected you to not answer the phone. So, um, thanks for that.”

 

The two young women stared at each other long enough for the moment to feel uncomfortable before Amber cleared her throat. “So, what are you doing here? Back home, I mean. The tour’s not over yet, right?”

 

“Not yet, but the guys had a radio station event in New York, and since we had a few days off, they made a mini-vacation out of it.”

 

Amber regarded her friend curiously. “I would’ve figured you’d be there, too. Seems like you and JC are pretty close these days.”

 

Casey’s smile was wistful as she shook her head slightly. “Looks can be deceiving,” she muttered. Before Amber could ask anymore questions she cleared her throat. “Listen, Amber, the reason I’m here is--”

 

“I know why you’re here,” Amber interrupted. “I mean...that night, right?”

 

Casey nodded slowly. “Yeah, well, that’s part of it.” She inhaled and exhaled deeply once before looking down nervously. “I’m here to apologize.” When she looked back up, she could see the surprise on her friend’s face.

 

“I, um, I was thinking I’m the one who needs to apologize.” The blonde laughed shortly. “I got so pissy with you about JC. And then, what I said the next day…” Amber trailed off and shook her head. “I’ve wanted to call you every day since to tell you how sorry I am, but I, uh...well, I didn’t think you would answer either.”

 

“Guess that makes us both pretty ridiculous, huh?” Casey smiled lightly. “You know, I never thought we’d ever be sitting in a room just kind of awkwardly avoiding looking at each other.”

 

After blinking back her surprise, Amber nodded. “This is really awkward, huh?”

 

“It’s not because I’ve changed,” Casey said softly. “Not the way you think I have.”

 

“I didn’t mean it when I said that.” The blonde shook her head emphatically.

 

Casey chuckled. “Yeah. You did.”

 

“I was angry,” Amber said emphatically. “Jealous. Some other stuff, too. And I was trying to piss you off, but as soon as I said it I could tell I hurt your feelings...and I wasn’t trying to do that.”

 

Casey studied her friend before speaking carefully. “Things have been pretty weird between us for awhile now, huh?”

 

“I’m sorry, Case.”

 

“Me too.” Casey pursed her lips for a moment trying to decide which thing to address first. “You know I was going to tell you, right? About JC. I mean, I know I should’ve done it before we were in that club, but that day just sucked and I wasn’t really thinking and--”

 

“Casey, it’s fine; you don’t have to explain yourself. I was just…” Amber groaned. “We’d been drifting for some time, since before the tour. It was even before Tony, but when you started dating him is when it started to really bother me. He monopolized your time in a way that was different.

 

“I spent a couple of years just feeling like I was barely part of your life anymore, and I thought hanging out with you on tour would fix all that. All it did was show me how much things really had changed for you. And that I was right.”  

 

“Amber…” Casey began slowly. She wanted to tell her friend that she was wrong, but the simple fact was, everything she’d said was true. Casey’s life was different, very different, and in some fundamental ways Amber was really no longer part of it. And hadn’t been in some time.

 

“It’s true.” The blonde laughed sadly. “I realized it as soon as I got out on the road but I thought...I don’t know. I guess I thought that we’d spend a bunch of time together, and everything would be like it used to be. But it wasn’t like that. Especially not with Tony there.”

 

Casey nodded slowly. “No, it wasn’t.”

 

“I’ve been jealous,” Amber began haltingly. “Not of your success or anything like that, just that...I don’t know. There are all of these people that are part of your life now, and I’m not. Not anymore. Not the way I used to be.

 

“Do you remember when you didn’t come back to school after Christmas break sophomore year? After I got over how I couldn’t believe that your parents were so cool about you pursuing music full time, I was nervous. I mean, at that point school was really the biggest thing I had going on and you weren’t going to be there anymore.”

 

Casey fiddled with the couch cushion next to her as she listened to Amber.

 

“I remember one time trying to tell you about something that had happened at school, and although you humored me, it was so obvious that you couldn’t care less about the silly stuff happening in high school. And why would you? You were already out living, doing things most of us could only dream of.

 

“You’d completely moved on from everything having to do with high school and the rest of us. I mean, you and Nik were still together then, but the two of you had always existed in a kind of bubble anyway.”

 

Casey wanted to say something, but she couldn’t think of anything helpful in the moment. She’d been thrilled when her parents got her a tutor so she could wholly focus her time and attention on music. When she’d left school, it was true that she’d never looked back.

 

Amber continued. “Anyway, that night at the club...JC was just another person in your inner circle and I was still on the outside. I mean, I hated Tony, but even he was there in a way I wasn’t. Which made me hate him more, actually.” She laughed bitterly. “I sound pathetic, huh?”

 

“Don’t do that, Amber,” Casey said quietly. “You don’t sound pathetic.” She sighed, twisting her ring around her thumb. “I’ve realized that I’m not so great at compromise. That’s great for my career, but not so great for my relationships. And I don’t handle conflict well, which I’m sure you know by now.

 

“When you came out on the road, things were…” She paused, wanting to choose her words carefully. “Things were complicated. With Tony. And I was distracted. And I wish I could’ve handled things differently, but...well, hindsight is always twenty-twenty, right?”

 

Casey smiled a little bit. “And as for the rest of it, what happened before and after, well...I guess I have changed. Not the way you think, maybe, but you weren’t completely wrong. And even if you were, we’ve been friends for long enough that I still shouldn’t have just walked out on you. I should’ve been able to listen to you. But I get stuck in my own head, and get focused on my own problems and I have a tendency to tune everyone and everything else out. And that’s not fair. And I’m sorry.”

 

She took a deep breath and looked up at Amber. “You’ve been one of my best friends for most of my life. And yeah, maybe things have been different for the past couple of years but...that doesn’t change how important you are to me. And I’m sorry for not making that clear to you. And I know it doesn’t change anything that’s already happened, but I really hope we can figure out how to make things better going forward.”

 

Amber was quiet for several moments, and Casey couldn’t read her expression. Her nerves and anxiety came back, and she began to wonder if coming over had been a giant mistake after all.

 

Finally, Amber spoke. “Casey…” She stopped, sniffed a little, and started again. “I’m just, um...I’m really glad you called me. Thank you.”

 

Slow smiles came to their faces before they stood at the same time and hugged.

 

“Now,” Amber said as they pulled away and sat next to each other on the couch, “I can finally ask...how in the world did you and JC end up...happening? I saw those Vegas pictures and like I said, you two look pretty close.”

 

Casey blew out a breath and made a face. “Yeah, well, whether or not that’s over for good remains to be seen.”

 

Amber raised her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

 

“It means,” Casey began slowly, “that all that stuff I just said about how I don’t compromise or handle conflict well is true, no matter what the specific relationship is.” She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the sofa. “I fucked things up with him. And I don’t know if saying I’m sorry is enough to make things right.”

 

“Oh, Case.” Amber patted her arm gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Casey opened her eyes and eyed her friend tentatively. “If I say no, you won’t think it’s because I’m keeping things from you, will you? Because I swear I’m not. I’ll give you all of the nitty gritty details, if you want them. Just...not right now, OK?”

 

Amber smiled, nodding her head slowly. “I get it.”

 

“Besides,” Casey smirked at her, “you have a story to tell me about another member of *NSYNC, don’t you?”

 

Amber’s face flushed immediately and Casey snickered. “There’s really nothing to tell,” the blonde said with a laugh. “I mean, we actually hooked up the first time when I was on the road with you. Tony was mad about something, as usual, and you went off with him. And Joey and I ended up talking and, well, you know. It’s cliche as hell but one thing led to another.” She shrugged.

 

“And then again in Chicago,” Casey said. “Are you guys like--”

 

“We’re nothing, Casey,” Amber interrupted. “I mean, don’t get me wrong; Joey’s a nice guy and I’ve had fun with him. And, um, I wouldn’t mind having fun with him again, if I had the opportunity. But that’s all it is.”

 

Casey appraised her friend slowly. “The Amber Durant I know would never hook-up with anyone.”

 

Amber rolled her eyes playfully. “I guess you’re not the only one who’s changed.”

 

***

 

“So, I think she may try to make it out to the last show.”  

 

“I’m glad you two were able to work it all out.” Elizabeth smiled at her daughter.

 

“I am, too.” Casey stood, looked down at her feet for a moment, before looking back up at her mother. “Thanks, Mom. For...well, telling me what I needed to hear, I guess.”

 

Elizabeth’s smile widened and she nodded. “Are you all packed yet? You should probably think about heading to bed pretty soon. I know your flight isn’t super early, but we need to leave out of here fairly early if we’re going to make it to breakfast first.”

 

Casey stretched her arms overhead and yawned. “I’m mostly ready. And I’m going to get to bed soon. I just, um...I have a phone call to make before that.”

 

Elizabeth looked back at her daughter for a moment. “Oh, well, OK.”

 

Though her mother’s expression was more or less neutral, Casey figured she knew exactly what she was talking about. She shrugged. “You think JC will forgive me as quickly as Amber did?”

 

Elizabeth approached her daughter, kissed her cheek and squeezed her arm. “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Don’t stay up too late.”

 

Casey watched her mother’s retreating figure for a moment, as she went into the kitchen. With a deep breath, she turned in the other direction and made her way up the staircase to the second floor. Once in her room, with the door shut firmly behind her, she dug her phone out of her purse.

 

She stared at it for several seconds, mentally calculating the time difference. She flipped it open, chose a name from her contact list and hit send. Her heart pounded in her chest as the line rang once, twice, then three times.

 

There was a pause, and then JC’s voice was in her ear. “Hi.”



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