Chapter 27 - Motorcycles and Uncertainties

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005.
Ellie slinked into the doorway of JC's writing room. "Hey..."
"Hey." He swivelled his chair around to face her. "I see you’re up from your nap."
"Yeah."
"Yeah." He watched as she leaned against the doorframe, hooking her thumbs in the belt loops of her jeans.
"Are you working on anything?"
"Nothing in particular. You?"
"I just got off the phone arranging an interview tomorrow."
"Nice."
"Nice."

She pursed her lips. "Are we going to completely ignore the fact that there's a motorcycle in the garage?"
"Oh that?" He clicked around at some windows on his computer, putting it to sleep.
She followed him as he made his way upstairs. "Are you minding it for a friend or something?"
"No, it's mine. It's so much easier to get around the city on a bike." He opened the door leading into the garage from the foyer. "It's the helmet; it kinda gives you the ability to hide."
She ran her hand along the leather of the seat. "How long have you been...um...riding, I guess?"
"Few years now. Some buddies were motorcyclists and they kinda introduced me to it."
"Cool."
"Yeah."

She leaned against the seat, feeling the curve of the cold, black metal of the fuel tank with her fingertips. "It's a nifty...thing..."
"Have you ever ridden one?"
"Um...not really."
"Do you want to take it out? I mean...we take it out, go for a ride somewhere...with you as my passenger?" He disappeared for a moment, returning with the keys and two leather jackets.
"I wouldn't even know how to get on it."
"It's just like getting on a horse, just swing your right leg over it."
She took one of the jackets off him. "I don't like horses."
"Everyone likes horses." He brushed the dust off a helmet, handing it to her.
"I have my reasons."
"Do you?"
"Yep."

Ellie waited as JC closed the gate. He pulled the helmet on, strapping it below his chin.
"Do you think you can get that on secure enough?" he asked as he mounted the bike.
"Um...yeah. It's just like a riding helmet."
"Alright. There's handles on the back if you want to hold on to them, but if you want, you can hold on to me. You can choose, but I would advise that you hang on tightly."
She hesitantly pulled her helmet on, pulling on the clasp to check its durability. She slowly and unsurely swung her right leg over the bike, inching as close to him as she could.
He turned the key in the ignition. “You alright back there?” he yelled over the growl of the motor.
“Um…yeah?” she said, muffled by the helmet. “Yeah!” she repeated, making sure she was heard.

He jump-started the bike, setting off down the street.
“SHIT!” she yelled, holding on to him for dear life. They two of them came to a slow stop at a red light. “I DON’T LIKE THIS!”
He steadied the bike, tenderly slipping his hand underneath her left leg, giving a gentle squeeze in reassurance. She intertwined her fingers with his, taking safety from the split second they were allowed to hold hands before they had to continue on.

Over the next hour, they journeyed throughout the city, speeding past well-known landmarks and hot spots, completely undercover. They never arose suspicion whenever they past hoards of photographers or star seekers. She was passing through Hollywood on the back of a Grammy winner’s bike completely unnoticed. Even though the worst could happen instantly, she somehow felt safe. Eventually, she let go, putting her trust completely in him as she tucked her cold hands into the pockets of his jacket.

JC led Ellie down a trail to the long grass growing on the dunes of a hidden beach off Malibu. She stared out over the ocean.
“It’s really beautiful out here.”
“Yeah.” He sat down in the grass.
She sat down next to him. “I get why you ride now. I don’t think anyone noticed us - well, you - until we stopped for gas.” She watched as he picked a strand of grass and folded it. “You don’t like being famous, do you?”
“Not really. I mean, I like what I do, being able to sing and shit, but I don’t like always having attention on me. It’s kind of nice not to be talked about constantly.”
“Um…if we start dating, is that going to…”
“I don’t know. You’re not famous yourself, and unless you try to become famous, no one’s really going to pay much attention to you.” He paused. “On the other hand, I’m kind of going through a break up right now with someone who is famous, someone’s who’s been leaking stories about us, her and me, to the tabloids, trying to save face because it’s a little obvious that she moved on before I did.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“When the time was right. We’re still kind of getting to know each other. I didn’t want to ruin everything with you before we really got a chance to start.”
“Did you love her?”
He went quiet for a moment. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Did she break your heart?”
“Again, I don’t know. I am hurting a little, though.”
“Am I going to have to fix you?”
He shook his head. “No, I’ll be OK.”

The two of them sat for a moment, searching for a change in topic as an awkward silence built between them.
“Why don’t you like horses?” he asked.
“I grew up around them. My mama studs racing thoroughbreds. You wouldn’t like them either if you have to smell horse shit every day of a humid Louisiana summer.”
“OK, then.” He leaned down onto his side, the silence once again building between them.
“Did you bring me out here to fuck me?”
He reeled his head back in shock. “What?”
“Did you bring me out here to fuck me? I notice you bought one of those vending machine condoms after you went to the bathroom at the gas station.”
“Uh…yeah. You never know when you might need protection or something.”
“Or something.”
“Or something.” She lay down facing him, adjusting herself to stop the tingling she still felt from the motorbike.

“I hate you,” she whispered.
He smiled. “Why?”
“Every moment I’m with you, I’m a nanosecond away from begging you to fuck me.”
He grabbed the waistband of her jeans and pulled her closer to him. “I guess you know exactly how I feel, then.”
She used her weight to turn them over until she was lying on top of him, straddling his thigh. “You know, it’s so romantic out here it would be a pity not to at least make out a little.”
“I will never know in a thousand years how I managed to land a girl a smart as you.”
She lowered her mouth to his ear, whispering: “You have a giant cock.”

She turned his chin towards her, brushing her lips across his as she thrust her tongue into his mouth, running it along his. Even though the hot Californian sun burned her skin, goosebumps started to prickle her skin as she flicked her tongue to the tip of his as he traced along her lips, sucking and biting his lips whenever they parted for air. She moaned as she started to grind against his thigh, feeling the seam of her jeans rub against her clit.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered. He watched as she tried to find the right momentum and pressure to bring herself to climax. He grabbed her ass. “Baby, stop,” he whispered. “We’re adults; we don’t need to dry hump.” He slowly unbuttoned her fly, reaching into her panties as he started to rub her pussy, enjoying the whimpers she made as she started to come. He wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her close enough for their lips to meet again. She buried her face into his t-shirt as she let out a faint cry, her body tensing up.

He turned her over onto her back, slipping her jeans and panties down to expose her. He lifted her t-shirt and bra up, sucking the soft curves of her breasts and abdomen. He paused, biting his lip as he looked down at her, her supple skin glowing amongst the tan of the grass around her. He clawed at his jacket, pulling the small box from the pocket, unwrapping the plastic and unfolding it, taking out the condom before he undid his fly and pulling his waistband down to reveal his throbbing cock. He ripped the package open, slipping the piece of rubber down the head and shaft of his penis.
“I thought you didn’t bring me out here to fuck me,” she said as he spread her legs, lifting her ass as he brought her close enough to enter her.
“I never said I didn’t.” He repositioned himself, taking his shirt off before he laid on top of her, slowly starting to thrust into her. “Anyway, I don’t want to waste a 75 cent condom.”
“You really splurged, didn’t you?”
“Only for my best gal.”

He tenderly kissed her as he made love to her, slowly guiding himself in and out of her. They held each other’s gaze for what seemed like an eternity, only breaking it as they kissed or closed their eyes to make their little sounds of ecstasy. Finally, he put more force behind his thrusts, finishing with a gasp. He held still for a moment, catching his breath. “Baby,” he whispered.
He withdrew and turned over, pulling his pants up as she redressed.
“We missed the sunset,” she commented as she gazed over the purple sky and sapphire ocean.
“It’s OK. We’ll see others.” He reached out for her, bringing her closer to him his bare chest.
She found comfort in the heat radiating off him. “Do you think anyone saw us?”
“I don’t know, maybe.” He kissed her forehead. “I would be more worried if someone took photos.”
“What if someone did?”
“We’ll find out when the press picks up the photos, I guess.”
“Are you scared what people might think?” She furrowed her brow as she looked up at him.
“I don’t care what people think. People are going to think what they want when you're famous. The only thing you can really do is stand by what you know as true, OK?”
She buried her head into his chest. ”I guess."

Sunday, April 16th, 2006.
“Do I look OK?” Ellie smoothed down her dress as she and JC walked up his parents’ driveway for Easter dinner.
“You look fine. Are you sure you don’t want me to carry that?” JC gestured to the suitcase she was carrying.
“No, I’m fine.” They climbed the stairs to the front door, placing their luggage down before he raised his hand to knock. “Wait…” She quickly undid and retied her hair up into her usual bun. “Mama says that you can see it in my face, can you really?”
“You look fine,” he reassured her as he knocked.
“But do I look pregnant?”
Karen suddenly swung open the door. “Why would you look pregnant?”
A bellow came from the living room. “JESUS H. CHRIST, NO!”

Roy tapped his fork angrily against the rim of the table as JC, Ellie and Karen sat down for dinner. “You two are just a bundle of surprises, aren’t you?”
“We’re sorry we’re late.” Ellie ignored him. “Everything was going fine until around 11 this morning when we got to the airport in Baton Rouge. Our flight was delayed an hour or so.”
“Maybe it would be better if we start sharing you two for Easter as well,” Karen suggested. “Instead of trying to fit breakfast with your family and dinner with our family into the same day.”
“It would’ve been fine. Breakfast was finished by 10…I don't know, Easter kind of sneaks up on you. I’ve always kind of had trouble with holidays that don’t have fixed dates.”
“We’re not going to talk about whether or not she’s pregnant?” Roy interjected.
“Not if you’re going to be so rude about it,” Ellie spat back.
“Rude?”
“Yes, rude. You’ve been riding our asses about not keeping to an appropriate timeline since we got engaged. We know, OK? We know everything’s going fast with us, but we honestly didn’t plan this one, it kind of just happened,” Ellie stressed as she furiously stabbed at the salad greens on her plate.
"I just—"
Ellie instantly cut Roy off. "No. Just no. Unless you're going to say something positive, you don't get to say a thing on the subject.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” The four of them spent the next hour or so finishing dinner, struggling to make small talk.

Ellie finished picking through the dirty laundry in her and JC’s luggage and put on a load of washing. She started to make her way to JC’s studio as she stopped by a decorative mirror by the archway leading into the kitchen. She smoothed over the fabric of her yellow sundress pulled taut over her abdomen. She tried sucking in her stomach, exhaling after she felt a pang of discomfort in her torso. She attempted to readjust the dress, trying to find the same looseness the dress had the previous summer.
“I shouldn’t be showing yet,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m barely eleven weeks.” She looked at herself straight on. With the exception of her breasts nearly bursting out of her bustline, she looked only a little thicker, just a little more bloated than usual. She turned sideways and attempted to readjust herself, straightening her neck and back, trying again to suck her stomach in. She huffed, letting out a meek sound as she reconciled yet again that her body had only started to make the first small steps of an extreme change. “Fucking hell.”

She continued her way to the studio, finding the door slightly ajar and the room empty. She stood still for a moment listening if there was movement upstairs. She walked back through the hall, stopping to see if she did indeed see the dark figure out on the lawn. She watched as JC sat down on the slope leading down to the lake.

"Are you ok?" she asked after she had gone outside to see if anything was wrong.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He covered his eyes with his hand.
"Your father's a prick," she stated bluntly.
He flopped down onto his back. "He's not."
"No...I'm pretty sure he's a judgemental prick."
JC sighed, staring up at the grey clouds covering the night sky. “Please don’t get into a shit fit with my dad.”
"I don't want to"—she sat down next to him—"but if he's going to give me shit for something that is completely out of my hands, whatever happens he brought on himself.”
He gently reached out and touched her arm. “Baby…”
“What?” She turned to look at him.
“I don’t know…”

Ellie lay down next to him, looking up at the overcast night sky. She listened closely to the wind blowing through the trees. “How did we get here?”
“In what way?”
“Us.”
“We fell in love.”
“Why did we fall in love so quickly?”
“Because we’re just right for each other.” He shrugged when she turned to look at him.
“Why did we get married so quickly?”
“We were in love?”
She turned to look back up at the sky. “Why did we get pregnant so quickly?”
“Because you were horny and we were irresponsible with our contraception methods.”
“We,” she corrected him, “we were horny.”

"I don't want you to get too caught up with how my dad reacted tonight. You know he doesn't take surprises well," JC stated, "especially big ones like this."
"I don't know...I just want him to be happy for us."
"Just give him a little while to sit with the news."
She sat up, brushing the grass off her dress. “I’m starting to get cold, now.”

Monday, April 17th, 2006.
JC entered the kitchen just as the phone started ringing. “Hello?”
“Ay! JC! It’s Alex. Is it still morning over there? Are you having a good’in?”
“Um…yeah. Just got in from a run.”
“That’s good. I called Eric and he said that I could reach you at this number. Look, JC, I’m very happy with what you've submitted to me in regards to what music you want to put on the album,” Alex explained. “Eric and I have been talking a little, and I was wondering if you might be ready to put out a single in the next three months.”
“I’m kind of on vacation right now.”
“I know, I know. Nothing’s gonna be happening for a while, but I need to start talking with my distributors if we want a record out by the end of this year.”
“I thought we talked about this.” JC scratched his head. “I can’t release an album this year.”
“I know, but we also don’t want you to completely drop out of the lexicon. It’ll be hard to bring you back in once you do, and as much as your surprise wedding and emotionally unstable drunkard of a wife—“
“Alex…”
“You know I’m only repeating what they’re saying, JC. You have no story right now; people want a story. We need to get something out there for them to talk about, and frankly between you and me, I want to start seeing some return on my investment soon.”
JC sighed. “What do you want to do?”
“I’ve been hearing some good things from the Californian rock scene, right now. I think that song you did with Justin, that ‘Until Yesterday’ one, might ignite a few fires this summer, you know?”
“Um…OK.”
“Great! We’ll release it to radio at the end of June, get the video out by late July, get it in stores by your birthday. I’m predicting a top 20 hit, boy. This’ll be big.”
“Yeah…”
“That’s the spirit. I’ll be in New York at the end of the month; we’ll put together a mastered copy then. See ya, then.”
“Yeah, see you then,” JC mumbled as he heard the phone click. He started tapping his forehead against the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

Ellie slinked up behind JC as he finished brushing his teeth after a shower. She turned to look at her side, lifting her t-shirt up to view her growing bump.
“Do you see this?” She ran her hands over her lower abdomen. “I think I’ve started showing.”
“That’s great…” he mumbled as he rinsed his toothbrush off.
“It’s wonderful. It means the baby’s growing.”
He rinsed his mouth out. “I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just a little preoccupied with work right now.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“Alex wants me to release a single this summer.” He paused. “I’ve told him I’m OK with it.”
Ellie stepped away from him. “OK, but you’ll still definitely get November and December off, right?”
“We haven’t really made any real decisions regarding schedule yet. We’ll probably talk it over when we see each other next.”
“OK.” She walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. “What song do you think you’re going to put out?”
“Alex wants it to be ‘Until Yesterday.’”
“The ‘Until Yesterday’ you did with Justin?”
JC nodded.
“The guitar-based ‘Until Yesterday’ one you did with Justin?”
“Yeah.”
“The guitar-based “Until Yesterday’ that opens with a verse where your girlfriend has another man’s baby that you did with Justin.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You stupid cunt.” She stood up off the bed. “I’m fucking pregnant and you’ve agreed to release a fucking song about your lover having another man’s baby whilst your fucking wife is pregnant!”
“Alex thinks it could be a hit.”
“Yeah, because it’s going to cause a fucking scandal. Everyone’s going to want to listen to it because everyone’s going to be talking about it because they’ll want to know if I’m really carrying your baby.”
“Well…” He paused, sputtering as he tried to find something to say. He flung himself onto the bed. “Goddamnit.”
“Can you fix it?”
“Justin’s recording his own album right now. Booking studio time with him would be harder than booking a lobotomy for a mammoth.”
She sat next to him on the bed. “What happens then? People are stupid. They’re going to make assumptions.”
He thought for a moment, lifting his head. “We’ll just tell them the truth. Justin and I wrote the song long before you got pregnant and it has nothing to do with you.”

He turned over to his side. “We’re going to have to talk about making an announcement soon.”
“I thought you didn't want to make a public announcement. We haven’t even publicly announced the fact that we’re married yet.”
“We announced the engagement.”
She laid down next to him. “Yeah, and your fans went apeshit.”
“My fans go apeshit over everything, good or bad news.”
“OK.” She sighed, brushing her shirt down as she stood up. “Is your mom still coming over? Do you think I should make something?”

The aroma of freshly baked peanut butter cookies wafted out of the front door as JC opened the door for his mother, Karen.
"Hey." She lifted her arms to hug him. "Is she baking?"
"Yeah"—he lightly pecked her cheek"—she's a little pissed right now. It's something she gets from her dad."
"Why?"
"We had a…" He paused for a moment, trying to find the right word. “Disagreement, per se."
"Anything you'd like to talk about?"
"No, you'd only side with her." He led her into the kitchen just as Ellie was violently trying to scrape off a particularly stubborn cookie.
"Aaaah!" Ellie grunted as she attacked the confectionary with a spatula. "Fuck it, just fuck it..." She flung the egg flip onto the tray and removed the oven gloves. "It can stay there for all I care." Ellie sat down at the kitchen table in a huff.
Karen placed a white paper shopping bag on the kitchen table. "Are you OK?" she addressed Ellie.
"Oh, I'M fine. It's just that someone has decided to release a single about his lover having another man's baby whilst his lover is currently pregnant."
"Oh..." Karen smoothed down the fabric of her pants. "Is that the one you played for me just before Thanksgiving? The demo you did with Justin?"
"Um...yeah." JC sat down at the kitchen table.  "I'm not sure Ellie wants me to release it"
"I didn't say you couldn't release it. I'm just saying that the timing is awkward considering certain life events that are occurring right now.”
JC cocked his jaw. “She’s been like this for the last hour and a half.”
"I'm allowed to be upset!" Ellie sputtered into tears. "Some people already think I'm trash: they think I'm too emotional, violent, alcoholic and just an overall gold digging slut. If anyone gets the impression that this baby isn't yours, there's going to be a giant chunk of your fanbase who believes that, no matter what you try to tell them otherwise. It wouldn't be a problem if it was just me, but this also involves the baby. People, your fucking fans, are seriously going to believe that this child isn't yours. I can defend myself, she can't."
"Some of my fans will question those things whether or not I release a single with that subject matter. They're going to believe that I only married you because I'm gay, I'm in love with Justin, and we want a baby together," JC responded. "There is always going to be a fraction of shitheads who are going to believe whatever they want despite how incredibly far from the truth or plausibility it is."
"Fuck this and fuck you!" Ellie stormed from the kitchen into the living room.

JC closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he tried to centre himself.
"Do you know if it's a girl yet?" Karen asked softly after a pause.
"We have no idea. She has these slips occasionally, but it's too early to tell without genetic testing." He drummed his fingers on the counter. "It's getting harder to deal with her outbursts. I know she was emotionally unpredictable before she became pregnant, but now..." He ran his hand through his hair. "I just don't know. Like, is it healthy for the baby—"
"Josh, it's OK. You're having your first child; she's having her first child. The coming months...years really...are going to be some of the most stressful you'll ever experience."
"Ok, mom." He started to make his way to the living room.
"Josh, I'm not finished. You need to hang in there for her, give her support, you hear?"
"Yeah."

He found Ellie crying softly to herself as she lay facing the back of the couch.
"Are you OK?"
"No." She sniffed.
He sat beside her as delicately as he could. "What's wrong?"
“I don’t feel in control of my life anymore. Everything’s going so fast now and I can’t stop anything or change anything back and I shouldn’t be talking about these things whilst your mother’s here and I just want things to be easy again.”
He lightly pressed his lips to hers. “But were you happy back then?”
"I don't know."
"I think you do." He ran his fingers through her hair. "We've talked about this. Not everything is going to be easy all the time. Some things are naturally going to be hard."
She chuckled. "I feel like we keep going over this again and again."
"Because we do." He kissed her again, gently touching the tip of her tongue with his.

"Come on." JC patted Ellie's thigh. "I think Mom brought something for the baby."
Ellie wiped her eyes as they went back into the kitchen. "I'm sorry for that."
"It's fine. Not that you don't have a point regarding the single choice, but the pregnancy hormones just sends everything into such a tizzy emotionally. There was a motor oil commercial doing the rounds when when I was pregnant with Tyler about this father teaching his son how to fix the truck..." Karen paused, sniffing. "They start out so small, then they get bigger..." She started fanning her face. "Oh my gosh..."
"Awww..." JC hugged Karen. "Don't start. If you start crying, she'll start and once she starts, she'll never stop," he said in jest.

"It's fine, it's fine, I'm OK." Karen made a sharp inhale, straightening herself. She took the shopping bag off the table, holding it closed. "Have you started buying things for the baby yet?"
"Not really. Josh picked something up when we first found out - a yellow onesie with a white rabbit on it - but due to my mother's history, we don't really want to get a lot of things if there ends up being no baby," Ellie explained.
"Um...OK." Karen folded the top of the shopping bag, biting her lip. "My mamaw had this corny tradition where every time one of her children announced a pregnancy, she would knit them a white receiving blanket as a token to receive or welcome the baby into the family. My sisters and cousins have been lucky enough to be continuing the tradition over the last few years." She passed Ellie the shopping bag. "I'm not a knitter, so I put together a little something this morning at the sewing machine."
Ellie removed a bundle of fleece from the bag, unfolding the soft, pure white baby blanket. She sat down at the table as she ran her fingers over the fibres. "It's very lovely, thank you."
JC kissed the crown of Ellie’s head. "Considering everything, we've been going back and forth on whether or not we're excited about the whole thing."
"I know it's a little soon, but you should still anticipate the child with love. Parenthood is one of God's greatest gifts."
"What if it's not our time yet?" Ellie stared into her lap as she inspected the seam of the blanket.
Karen reached her hand over the table. “I think we'll just have to wait and see.”

Later that night, JC and Ellie sat across from each other, picking through the remnants of the Japanese takeout they had had for dinner.
"Why don't you think your mama backed me up with how bad the single choice is?" Ellie mumbled and she sucked an edamame bean from its pod.
"I think she's a little more used to how the industry works in the sense that she knows that there are some decisions you can't change once the higher-ups make up their minds."
"It doesn't make it right," she crooned in her Cajun accent.
"I know, but you know the situation I'm in. I need to prove that I can have another solo hit. Especially since I'm on a new label and such. Anyway, she knows not to get too caught up in gossip and hearsay."
"But—"
"Look, I get your point, but not everyone is going to instantly think that the two are related."
"Why did you even write that first verse?"
"We needed to set up a scenario where you would instantly fall out of love with someone, not just a gradual thing. We thought that having a girl cheat on you, then fall pregnant with her side piece's baby would do that." He picked at the food on his plate. "You know, people are going to think what they want when you're famous. The only thing you can really do is stand by what you know as true."
"I guess."

Ellie pouted as she stared at the array of food containers on the table.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what’s with the sour puss?” he asked.
“Have we become sexless?”
He shifted in his seat, furrowing his brow in confused surprise. “What?”
She tried to collect the right words. “Do you feel like the honeymoon is over for us?”
“Oh, jeez.” He sunk into his chair.
“What?”
“What do you mean ‘what?’”
“What’s wrong now?”
“Look, I just want to eat my dinner and chill out tonight." He got out of his chair and started collecting the empty containers. "I don’t want to have a fight about whether or not our marriage is already falling apart.”
"What if it is?"
"What if it's not?"
"How can you be so laid-back about this?"
"Because you always find something wrong with us. If it's not because we were never supposed to fall in love, it's because we're moving too fast. If it's not that, it's something else. Why must you go over every little thing and try to find a reason to break us?" He sat back across from her in a huff.
"I'm not trying to."
"You are. It's all you do. Ever since I left for Australia, you have." He thought for a moment. "You never wanted to fall in love with me, did you?"
"Baby..."
"You just wanted to fuck me a few times and throw me away."
Ellie sighed. "Oh God, no. I wanted you. I wanted to be able to have you—"
"Do you want to be with me or own me?"
"I don't know. Part of me wanted happily forever after, part of me just wanted your cock." She looked into her lap. "I was obviously stupid for wanting both."

He looked at her from across the table, asking: "Do you honestly think that we're not meant to be together anymore?"
"I don't know. I want to be with you, I still love you, but...I still have my doubts."
"Do you think we need some space?"
"We just had some space."
"I mean some real 'let you be alone to really think things out' space."
"I don't want that."
JC threw up his hands. "Then what do you want?...Please tell me."
"I...I'm not sure."