Chapter 35 - Sweet Merciful Crap

Saturday, August 19th, 2006.
JC helped Ellie adjust the crown of light purple, silk daisies on top of her head.
“Do you think it’s straight now?” she asked, trying not to look at Craig as he took their photo.
“I think so, yeah.” He lightly kissed her. “Justin told me you two had a talk last night.”
“Yeah. We spoke a little about why we haven’t really gotten on well.”
“You know, he really does try to get on with everyone.”
“Yeah, but he also says some really offensive shit to me sometimes.”
“I know.”
“He also seems to go out of his way to boast about every little thing that goes well for him. I wouldn’t have a problem with it. It’s just that whenever you see him, you usually end up coming home feeling like shit. We’re both sensitive people, and frankly, he’s currently a toxic person for either of us to be around right now. I’m getting a little pissed that I’m supposed to be the bad guy in all this.”
He sighed. “I get that, but it’s not that deep.”
“I know, but that’s just how I feel. Intentions don’t negate feelings.”

Craig made a loud grumble. “You know, for a maternity shoot, the two of you aren’t really showing awareness that you’re having a baby. As much as I love subtle candids, I think you’re supposed to be more ‘Wow, we’re having a baby!’ and ‘I know! Aren’t you super excited that we’re having a baby!’”
“We were up late last night,” Ellie explained. “I don’t really have enough energy to muster that kind of performance. Can’t we just do something sweet and candid?”
“Can I at least get a few shots of you celebrating this beautiful and amazing time in your lives? Kiss her belly or something.”
JC reeled his head back. “Ew.”
“Yeah, we’re not doing that.” Ellie shook her head. “Those kind of shoots are overdone anyway.”
“At least look happy,” Craig suggested.
Ellie sighed. “We are happy; we’re just not ‘Oh, my God! We’re happy!’ happy.”
Craig flipped through the photos on his digital camera. “Really? ‘Cause most of these look like you’re depressed.”
Ellie rolled her eyes in frustration. “Just give us a moment, OK?”

She turned to JC, shrugging her shoulders as she rested her hands on her stomach.
"I don't know, just try to smile," he suggested.
She forced out an awkward, pained smile. She sighed heavily. "Our wedding photos were so much easier to take," she remarked. "What do you do in these situations when it's a professional shoot?"
"Go for a moody, pensive look."
"But we need to be happy and cheery for this. Yay, we're having a baby," she said in a sarcastic tone. "I'm going to rip myself a cloaca. Yay." She clapped her hands together in faux excitement.
"Look, there's no point wasting time here if I'm only going to get the same photo over and over again." Craig adjusted the camera strap around his neck. "I know that you need the photos by next week or whatever, but I can only do so much."
"You've probably already got the photos Mama wants for the shower anyway."

She slunk over to a park bench, taking a moment to untangle her hair from the crown. "Can we just get the photo we want then we'll call it a day?"
"OK then." Craig fiddled with his camera as JC sat next to Ellie, helping her lie down until her head was resting on his lap. He brushed the hair from her forehead and lightly kissed it. She softened her face, making a faint smile as they waited for Craig to take the picture.
"I think we've got it." Craig showed her the image through the viewfinder. "It'll look much better printed, but it's a good one."
"Great." Ellie struggled to sit up, reaching out for JC to help her to her feet. "I really need a foot massage or something."

As soon as they arrived back at the apartment, Ellie immediately struggled out of the white, cheesecloth peasant dress she was wearing and into the white tank top and gym shorts she had left out for her return. She groaned as she settled as well as she could into the giant square European pillow on the couch, Linus jumping into her lap and curling up next to the underside of her bump.
"I know I've got eleven weeks and two days left, but I am officially done with this pregnancy." She sighed. "Seven more weeks and I can deliver safely."
JC sat at her feet. "If you go on like that, you'll jinx it."

Friday, September 8th, 2006.
Ellie tried to centre the large portrait Craig had taken of her three weeks earlier. She looked straight at the camera, the sunlight behind her creating a halo around her. Her mother had placed the portrait on the dessert table on the terrace of the Tea Room, a little French style cafe nestled between a bookstore and the boutique where every girl she knew had bought either their prom, debutante or wedding dresses.

Claire adjusted Annabelle on her hip as she approached Ellie.
“Does that look straight?” Ellie asked.
“It looks fine. You know,” Claire said as she referenced the picture, “pregnancy really looks good on you.”
“No, it doesn’t. I look puffy, tired, angry and depressed.”
“I looked puffy; I still look puffy. Doesn’t Mama?” Claire asked Annabelle. “You look all glowy and such.”
“I look terrible.”
“You look fine.” Claire tried to straighten the dark purple bow Annabelle had pulled out of her black curls.
“Let me get that.” Ellie readjusted the bow, also straightening the strap of the lilac sundress Annabelle was wearing. “You and Derek really did make a beautiful baby.”
Claire shifted Annabelle into Ellie’s arms. “I get it from my mama.”
“I don’t want to take the baby.”
“Take the baby.”
“I don’t want to take the baby.” Ellie sighed as Claire started off towards the bathroom. “I guess it’s just you and me now, kid.”

After lunch, everyone sat around in a circle by the gift table.
Shelley, Emily’s best friend, placed a white gift box into Ellie’s hands. “Miss Emily says you got some nice presents already.”
“Um, yeah,” Ellie replied. “Amber, she does the layout for the magazine I work for, gave me one of the bouncers she swears by for her son, Hunter; my editor and his husband found some darling Peter and Benjamin Rabbit prints for the nursery; and Justin’s mama, Lynn, got us a Moses basket and some smocked dresses she got up in Memphis. Charley should be able to wear them next summer.”
“Tell us why you picked ‘Charley?’” asked Melanie, who looked exactly like her mother except for the blonde hair.
“Well, I’ve always liked Charlotte, but Charley’s more Josh’s style, you know? Like, he likes ‘Elizabeth,’ he appreciates the fact that my name is Elizabeth, but he only really calls me Ellie. I mean, everyone does, but…” She paused in thought. “I don’t know. I guess we just thought ‘Charley’ was cute. She’s been nothing but Charley to us since we named her.”
"That's so sweet!" Melanie exclaimed. "I swear, thank the lord for smocked overalls, ‘cause baby Thomas would've looked real funny in dresses, bless his little heart. Let me tell you though, there ain't no shame in getting an epidural if you need one. There's gonna be a lot folk who're gonna tell you that you should do everything naturally, and I mean, do it if you can, but when I had my little monster, I was just 'oh my god, this is painful, make it go away.'"
"I get what you mean," Karen piped up. "When I had my kids, it felt like I was being ripped in two. How was Ellie's birth, Emily?"
"Oh, I just sneezed one day and she practically fell out," Emily joked.
"I thought you said that my birth was the scariest and most painful thing you ever experienced?" Ellie recalled.
"I mean, it was. But that doesn't change the fact that my water broke at 4pm and you were out by 6. Frankly, if this baby was a horse race, I would bet on a quick labour and birth."
"That's doesn't make sense, Mama," Ellie groaned.

Ellie dragged herself and an overstuffed, large gift bag up the stairs to her room. She stopped at the edge of the bed, pausing before letting out a stuttered whine.
"Can you help me get on the bed?"
"How?" JC asked as he stood up from the wicker chair he was reading in.
"I don't know, just..."

JC helped Ellie lie down on the bed, offering an array of pillows for support.
"How was your shower?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"It sucked."
"Let me guess, ‘cause you had to be seated for longer than 15 minutes?"
Ellie paused. "Well, yeah. But also ‘cause no one was there. I swear, Molly Sue has turned the whole Kappa Phi sorority against me."
"Or it could've been that not everyone can attend a baby shower held during business hours."
Ellie grunted. "Why can't you let me conspire against her?"
"I'm just being logical, or maybe your mother didn't invite that many people at your request."
"Why can't you just let me be grumpy and illogical and just an overall butthole?"

He lay down next to her. "What went wrong?"
"Nothing, really. It was just boring. We went and set up; we welcomed everyone; we talked about babies, ate, talked more about babies, opened presents that consisted completely of baby clothes, took pictures, ate some cake, continued talking about babies, wished everyone farewell, tidied up, then we came home. It was like a really boring birthday party where you couldn't drink and none of the presents were actually for you. Oh, and you also swallowed a turtle."
"So, basically your utter distaste for being heavily pregnant tainted your ability to enjoy a perfectly good baby shower?"
"Well, that and my inability to enjoy any social situations, especially those where I'm doted on." She sighed. "I feel completely awful because Mama spent so much time and money putting this together. Even if everything went smoothly, I feel like I completely ruined it for her by being a complete butthole."

Ellie carefully made her way downstairs, finding her mother polishing a saddle.
"Mama..."
"Yes, baby?" Emily wiped her hands, screwing the lid back on the polish jar. "Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine," Ellie reassured her mother as she sat at the kitchen table. "Um...I was just  kind of wondering if I ruined today for you, I mean the shower."
"Not at all. I'm actually happy everything went so smoothly."
"You don't think I ruined it by acting like too much of a grump?"
"Of course not." Emily laughed. "You went willingly; you dressed nicely, acted polite to everyone and didn't make too much of a scene. Honestly, it wasn't at all as bad as Christmas 1990 or your seventh birthday. At least you left your bedroom today."
"Um, excuse me. I had literally just gotten my first period Christmas 1990 and Caitlyn Briggs had told me the minute she arrived to my seventh birthday party that I look ugly in my dress and that I should die." Ellie pursed her lips in anger. "Fucking bitch."
"Anyway, getting back to the subject, everything went great. You're tired and grumpy, everything's going to feel awful whether or not it is." Emily kissed Ellie's forehead. "I'm just happy I got to throw someone a shower."

Friday, September 22nd, 2006.
Ellie knocked quietly on the door of the second bedroom of her and JC’s apartment.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” JC replied, looking up from the instruction sheet he was holding. “How did your appointment go?”
“Good, good. Everything’s fine and the cramps I’ve been getting here and there are probably Braxton Hicks or whatever, not that I couldn’t have told you that.”

He placed the instruction sheet into his lap, looking directly at her. “We’re not ready for this baby. Going purely by the fact that I can’t make heads or tails of the supposably easy step-by-step guide to put this fucking crib together, we’re never going to be ready.”
“Well, that’s reason four thousand, six hundred and ninety-two why we should’ve used a condom.” She sat down on the blue and white striped rocking chair placed in the corner by the window.
“It’s not that. It’s just…” He sighed in frustration. “I have to put together this crib, then the dresser, then I have to attach the changing table tray thingy to the dresser, then I have to put the bookshelf together and I just…” He sighed again. “And I have to do it in this tiny little room.”
“It’s not my fault that the second bedroom in this place is only sixty-four square feet."
"It's not my fault..." He sighed again. "It'll fit; everything will fit. We measured the room; we measured all of the furniture; we did that temporary layout with the newspaper. It's just this fucking instruction sheet. It's completely illegible.”
“Let me get a look at it.” She took the instruction sheet from him, glancing over the confusing series of diagrams. “There’s no words!”

“I know!”
“How are we supposed to put it together? I mean, there’s the big screws, then the little screws; there’s the screwy cap thingies, then the loop things…” She straightened the page. “Do you think it’s too late to call the assembly service people?”

After a long afternoon, JC slid a pair of scissors along the plastic wrapping of the crib mattress, unwrapping then lifting the mattress into the crib.
"There." He straightened the mattress. "I think we're done for the day."
Ellie looked around the room. "Yep. We just need to get a lamp and some curtains for the window, hang the pictures up and put everything away and the nursery will be done."
He gathered the packing materials up. "After we've thrown away the boxes and stuff."
She snuggled into his chest. "I can't believe that she's almost here." She paused in thought. "I don't think I've changed at all."
"I don't know about that. You pretty much stopped giving a fuck around April."
"Hey now, stop it!" she exclaimed, playfully hit his chest with the heel of her hand.
He grabbed her hands, pulling her as close as he could. "No"—he kissed her—"you stop it."
The same flutter came upon Ellie's heart. "Not this again..."
"Not what again?" He brushed his lips against hers.
She scrunched her nose as his breath tickled her. "I think you know," she replied coyly, tracing the seam of his fly with her fingertips.

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006.

Ellie pulled the tags off the four small wicker baskets lined with yellow gingham she had purchased along with the last few decor items for the nursery from a home goods store. She tucked the tags into a plastic bag as trash and started to arrange items like diapers, burp cloths, and baby wipes into the baskets. She stopped as she felt the sensation of a gush of water soak her sweats.
"BABY!" she called out, waiting a few moments for a reply. "BABY!"
She heard a door downstairs open and JC respond. "WHAT!"
"I THINK MY WATER JUST BROKE!"
"WHAT?!" he yelled back as he misheard her.
"I THINK MY AMNIOTIC SAC JUST RUPTURED!"
"WHAT?!" he responded again.
"GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP HERE!"

After what seemed like forever, JC finally emerged at the nursery door, finding Ellie sitting in a puddle soaking through the round, deep purple rug.
"What the fuck happened?" he asked.
"OK, I'm not sure," she said through the start of nervous tears. "I could have just wet myself, but I don't smell ammonia right now and I'm sitting in a pile of liquid that I'm pretty sure came from me and I think it's because my water just broke and I just...I just...We need to go to the hospital, like, right now."
"Um...OK." He sighed, offering his hand to help her stand up. "Do you want to change first or...?"
"You're not freaking out?"
"No, because you're going to freak out and the two of us running around like two chickens with our heads cut off isn't going to help anything." He pulled her into a hug, kissing her. "Whatever happens, we'll get through this, OK."
"OK."
"OK. I love you."
"I love you, too."

JC slung the old duffel gym bag Ellie had chosen as a hospital bag over his shoulder as he got out of the cab, helping Ellie stand up.
"Good luck!" the driver called out.
"Thank you." Ellie started towards the entrance, stopping as she gasped in pain.
"Another contraction."
"Yeah." She nodded through the pain.
"Are you OK?"
She grunted. "I don't know."

They made their way to the reception desk.
"Hi, um, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and um, my water broke around a half hour ago and I've had 3 contractions since then," Ellie nervously explained.
"OK." The receptionist picked up the phone. "Are you a birthing centre patient?"
"Yeah."
"I'll call them to let you know you're coming up. Can I please get a name?"
"Elizabeth Argyle, sorry, Chasez. Argyle's my maiden name."
"Like the socks?"
"Yeah."
"Cool." The receptionist waited for the other line to answer. "Hi, I've got an Elizabeth Chasez down here in labour. Can you please send an orderly with a wheelchair...OK, thank you." The receptionist placed the phone on the hook. "The orderly will be down in a sec."

"What time is it?" Ellie turned to JC as they waited in the elevator after the orderly had arrived.
He checked his watch. "Ten past four."
"Did you remember to feed Linus?" She turned to the orderly. "Our cat's called Linus."
"I put down some kibble for him in his bowl," JC replied.
"Do you think that will be enough?"
"I could always call someone to check on him later on."
"OK, OK." Ellie took in a sharp breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." She groaned as the pain stopped. "They're getting worse."
JC placed his hand on her shoulder. "It'll be OK."
"Did you remember to close the door to the nursery after you laid the towel down. I don't want Linus getting weird about the wet spot." She turned back to the orderly. "Linus gets weird about stuff."

The orderly nodded as the elevator doors opened. He wheeled her to the nurses' station. A dark, petite woman with her hair in braids greeted them.
"Hey, guys. I'm Terese. I'm going to be your nurse. Let's get everything in order, then get you into a room, ‘kay?"
Ellie nodded meekly.
"She gets nervous when she meets new people. I'm JC and this is Ellie."
"Hi, Ellie. I just need you to sign some insurance info and we'll get you into Room 17. How often are your contractions?"
Ellie's mind went blank. "We haven't been counting them. Please don't send me...OW, OW, OW!" She nearly lifted herself out of the chair in pain.
JC checked his watch again. "The last one was 6 minutes ago."
Terese nodded. "OK. OK, everything will be fine."

After around twenty minutes and three more contractions, the two of them were left alone in a room, JC carefully helping Ellie undress and put on a hospital gown and climb into bed.
"I don't know how you can be so calm right now," Ellie commented.
"I don't know, either."
She moaned in pain again. "Jesus fucking Christ. Why does this fucking hurt so much?"
"Have you tried the breathing or whatever? You know—"
She cut him off before he could start demonstrating the panting she had been taught in Lamaze. "The breathing doesn't fucking work. Nothing fucking works." She huffed in dismay. "I wish they could just give me something and I could just go home and get into bed, but that's incredibly unrealistic and I just..." She huffed again.

"Hello." A spry, blonde woman with glasses in dark blue scrubs entered the room. "I heard my favourite patient was having her baby today."
Ellie stared at the midwife. "Don't play that shit with me, Alice."
Alice washed her hands and checked Ellie's chart, then she started to check Ellie's pulse and blood pressure. "Have you reconsidered the epidural yet?" she joked.

"We'll see how all this goes before we make those kind of decisions," Ellie spat through gritted teeth and her latest contraction.
Alice chuckled. "OK, then." She hooked Ellie up to a series of monitors. "You say that your water’s broken?"
"I think so, yeah."
Alice washed her hands again and snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Would you mind if I did an examination to see if you've started dilating?"
"Do I have a choice?"
Alice adjusted Ellie's legs and checked her cervix. "Not really. Four centimetres."
"Am I delivering today?"
"Could be today, could be tomorrow. We'll have to wait and see."

JC readjusted himself on the edge of the large bathtub in the birthing suite's bathroom, watching Ellie as she took a deep breath and held it as another contraction came on. She exhaled and sharply inhaled again as it continued.
"Are you OK?" he asked.
"I'm fine. I'm mean, I feel like I'm trying to shit a brick wall, but I can get through it. What time is it?"
JC looked at his watch. "10:20."
"It was nice of them to let me use the tub."
"Well, considering that I'm paying for this with my fancy *NSYNC money, I would expect nothing less than the very, very best facilities."
She took another deep breath. "Don't make me laugh," she said sarcastically through gritted teeth. "She'll shoot out and get a concussion on the porcelain."
"That exactly something Chris or Justin would say."
"Joey, too."
"Yeah, I guess."
She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing. "Do you remember that shitty Spice Girls movie where the five of them are in the hospital whilst their friend's giving birth or whatever. Imagine if the others were here now. I imagine it would be something like a Marx Brothers picture where Joey's Groucho, Justin's Harpo, Chris's as Zeppo and Lance acting as the sweet Southern nurse in the sexiest nurse costume Chris could find."
"That would be a nightmare."
"I know." Ellie bit her lip and whined as another contraction came on. She moaned with relief as it ended. "Baby."
"What?"
"Don't get freaked out, but I'm starting to get the feeling that I need to push."

JC helped her out of the tub, wrapping a towel around her. He followed her over to the bed and helped her up as she pressed the call button. They waited for Terese to appear as they covered Ellie with the towel.
Terese popped her head into the room. "Anything wrong?"
"I'm starting to feel like I need to push," Ellie repeated herself.
Terese called Alice in. "Ellie says that she's ready to push."
"OK." Alice washed her hands and snapped on another pair of gloves. She examined Ellie again. "We're good to go. Are you ready to have your baby?"
JC shook his head. "No."

Alice chuckled as she and Terese and a few more nurses started to set the room up for delivery. She lowered the bed as she instructed JC to hold Ellie's left leg as Terese held her right.
"OK, so we've been over this, but when your next contraction comes, I want you to push whilst I countdown from ten. After I get to one, I want you to take a deep breath and push again, OK?"
Ellie nodded. "OK."

JC swallowed hard as Ellie took a deep breath and pushed.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Good girl."
"Are you OK?" Ellie asked him as she took his wrist. "You look scared."
"I'm OK."
"You sure—another one."
JC counted along with Alice silently. "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Great, you're doing good, Ellie," Alice said in an encouraging tone. "You're doing good."
Ellie closed her eyes again, trying to centre herself until the next contraction. She dug into JC's wrist as she moaned, "Sweet merciful crap," starting to push again.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1—"
Ellie snapped, cutting Alice off, "Will you just fucking shut up? I know how to fucking count."
"That's great, Ellie." Alice went on like nothing had happened. "I'm starting to see the head. She's got her daddy's dark hair."
"What? I didn't have dark hair when—" JC looked down. "Oh, my God. It looks like a sea urchin trying to eat a whole kiwi fruit."
"Seriously?" Ellie started to push again.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Great, great."
"Seriously, a sea urchin eating a kiwi fruit?" Ellie snapped at JC.
"I've had that one ready since you borrowed The Miracle of Life out from the library."
"I can't fucking believe you! After you did this to me."
"Ha! You initiated. This is your fault."
Ellie grunted as she push for the fifth time.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. She's nearly here, she's nearly here." Alice gave her status report.
"Go to hell." Ellie pushed again.
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, deep breath, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. OK, the head's out. One last big push."
JC interjected, "You go to hell."
"I'M ALREADY THERE!" With this exclamation, Ellie gripped the bedsheets and gave one last final push, feeling her daughter slip out of her.

"Oh shit." JC gasped as Alice collected the wriggling, pink creature that had fallen between Ellie's legs into a receiving blanket.
"She's here. Your beautiful baby girl's here." Alice placed their baby onto Ellie's chest.
Ellie smiled through heavy breaths. "Oh, wow. Hi darling." She pushed away the blanket from Charley's face. "You're so beautiful." Ellie looked up at JC. "Our baby's here; Charley's here."
JC swallowed again, carefully placing his hand on his child, feeling her start to cry. He snapped his hand away.
"It's OK," Ellie reassured him, directing her attention back to her daughter. "It's OK, Mama's here."
A nurse handed JC a pair of scissors.
"Do you want to cut the cord?"
He looked down at the surgical implement in his hand.
"Cut in between the two clamps." the nurse instructed.
He bit his lip as he cut where the nurse showed him, dropping the scissors when he knew he was done. He watched as Ellie handed their baby over to Terese, instinctively following her to the scales set up at the far end of the room.

Terese wiped down Charley, clearing her airways with suction, then diapering her and weighing her.
"Seven pounds six." Terese stretched out her legs. "20 inches." She ran a few more tests, then placed Charley onto a fresh blanket and swaddled her up, taking her back over to Ellie.
Ellie tightly held Charley to her chest, kissing her forehead. "You're just so beautiful."

After the fuss had died down, JC stood over the little plastic box that was his daughter's first bed, his wife sleeping next to him. In the hushed glow of the room, he saw Charley's eyes open, the light reflecting off the deep sapphires that he knew would one day be the same as his. He carefully placed his left hand under her head, scooping her up to hold her for the first time. He cradled her as he sat down on the bench underneath the window.

He shushed her as she started to cry. "Shhh, shh. It's OK, it's OK. I'm your daddy." He looked down at her. "You know, I think you're the best Valentine I've ever gotten, both you and your mother are. You know, your mom's a tender woman. Please don't be too hard on her. She's done so much to bring you into this world."

He sniffed as tears came to his eyes. "She was so scared to fall in love with me, but she took that step and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, really. I can't wait for you to grow up and learn how amazing she is. You've got such a wonderful road ahead of you, so many songs to sing and stories to learn. She told me to say that to you. It's so amazing to be able to hold you. I remember when I first saw you on that sonogram machine thing. You're so different now."

He held her out in front of him, her feet to his chest. He watched her as she fell asleep. He kissed her forehead and laid her back into her bassinet. "I love you."

He wiped the tears from his eyes, noticing Ellie watching him. She sat up as he wrapped his arms around her. She kissed his cheek, then his lips, whispering: "I love you."
"I love you, too." He buried his head into her shoulder. "Thank you."