“How’d you sleep?” I ask while peering over my glass of orange juice and take a sip. She looks so small in the tiny booth and her eyes are focused on the table in front of us. She’s been eyeing the same spot for almost five minutes straight and it’s driving me crazy how quickly she can revert back to that closed off person. It’s frustrating and irritating that she feels she can’t talk or trust me still.
She cautiously wraps her arms around her body almost as a shield from my questions and lets her eyes roam around the tiny diner. She refuses to look at me and it’s killing me that she can’t just open up to me.
“If you don’t want to talk…I understand.”
Finally, her gaze lifts to meet my eyes and their almost completely void of any emotion or feeling. There’s no sparkle or fight…it’s like their just dead. “I’m sorry Justin…maybe breakfast wasn’t a good idea. I’m having a pretty shitty morning and I’m not the best company.”
“Wow…I’m almost speechless…two apologies in less than an hour…where has my Addison gone?” I joke, trying to get some kind of reaction from her.
“I’m having an off day…don’t worry…tomorrow will be different.”
“Well then I look forward to the challenge tomorrow…” I test.
After that, the silence that falls over the booth is deafening. I’ve tried every which way to get her to open up to me and I’m starting to think that will never happen. I sigh and tell myself to just let her be.
The waitress came over and politely took our order before disappearing again and leaving us in an awkward silence. Addison unraveled her arms from around her body and sets them gently on the table.
“Can we start over?” She asks softly and my ears strain to hear her words. “This whole stupid day…can we just forget about it?”
I let out a sigh and let her words sink in, everything about them and realize she’s running, but for the first time since we started this whole tour…she’s not running from me. She agreed to go to breakfast, she’s choosing to stop whatever crap she’s dealing with and just relax with me. Maybe I am gaining some ground with Addison…maybe she is starting to trust me. “I’d like that…”
After agreeing to let everything go that happened this morning, we fell into an easy conversation about the tour. We talked about previous shows, the other dancers and even shows we’re looking forward too.
After we were done with breakfast, we made the short walk back to where all the busses had parked in an empty parking lot. The entire crew was walking around stretching their legs and a few of the dancers were out tossing a football around. Everyone was just relaxing and enjoying the morning. Addison was walking along side of me when my phone started ringing. I reach into my pocket and see that it’s Jessica calling. I nod to Addison that I need to take the call and she quickly retreats back towards her bus.
“Hey Babe…” I answer.
“Hey Justin…listen, I don’t have a lot of time to talk because we’re about to start shooting the next scene. But about your show in Memphis in two weeks…I can’t make it.”
My heart suddenly drops because I’ve been looking forward to Jessica’s visit but mostly for the time off with her in Memphis. “What…why?”
She takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’m really sorry Justin…but the director really needs us to be on set during that week…but I will get some time off this weekend…I was thinking about flying out to see you then instead.”
I sigh and realize that I’d rather see her this weekend then nothing so I try to hide my disappointment. “That’d be great…when can you come?”
“I was going to fly out on Thursday and I have to catch a flight back on Sunday. I’m really sorry Justin about this…but I promise we’ll get to Memphis soon. Honey, I have to get going…I’m being summoned…I miss you.”
I close my eyes and hold onto her voice because it’s the only thing that can make me feel better right now. “I miss you too…” And with that she’s gone.
I close my phone and let is slide into my pocket and now for the first time today…I’m the one who wants to be alone.
________________________________________________________________________
I noticed how quickly his body language changed from excitement to disappointment. His shoulders are slumped forward and he looks like he’s carrying the weight of the world on them. His hands are jammed into his pockets and he quickly avoids the mobs of people by turning around and walking back towards his bus. He doesn’t even bother to look up when someone calls out for him to join the fun. It’s not like him at all to be this anti-social and whatever that phone call was about; it’s managed to change his mood drastically.
Quickly, I hop onto my bus and grab a couple things before jumping off and heading in the direction he just disappeared in. I hesitate for a second before wrapping my knuckles on the door and clutch my bag closer to my body.
The door opens suddenly and his eyes give him away almost instantly. “Hi…”
“Hey Addi…”
“You look like you need a friend…and what kind of a friend would I be if left you alone?” I say remembering exactly the comfort those words gave me this morning.
The corners of his mouth twitch upward and he opens the door further to allow me to get on. “I don’t know what kind of company I’m going to be now.” I try to hold the laugh that is threatening to come out because of the irony of this situation and how quickly our roles have reversed.
“Don’t worry…I’m here for one reason Justin…REVENGE!!” I say while reaching into my bag and grabbing the new Wii video game MarioKart. When something is bothering me…sometimes you just need to get your mind off it and that’s exactly what I planned to do for Justin. I’ve never been one to have heart to hearts and let’s be real…I’m not about to start it now, so I do what I know best. I just try to avoid it…
Justin laughs at me before letting his competitive nature take over. “Please Addi…you’re going down again!!!”
“Justin…rainbow road is a bullshit course and you know it…come on there’s no freaking walls and you get shot out of so many damn cannons…how the hell do they expect you to stay on that road anyways…” I rant while putting the game into his wii and grabbing a controller.
Justin quickly grabs a spot next to me on the floor and soon the trash talk starts. “Addi…it’s not the courses fault that you can’t keep Yoshi on the damn road…” The game starts to load and we both quickly get caught up in the competition. This is exactly what we both needed, something or better yet, someone to just take our minds off our troubles and just have fun.
For the first time in a long time, I’m actually enjoying someone else’s company and not worrying about anything else but having a good time. Who would have ever thought that Justin Timberlake would be the one to help me find a part of myself I hid for so long?
________________________________________________________________________
The rhythmic slapping of my feet against the concrete pushes me forward. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and I wipe the beads of sweat that have formed on my forehead off. My breathing is labored and my legs are starting to tingle from my pace but I don’t stop. I just keep running.
My arms slide back and forth against my body propelling me forward. My stomach feels like it’s in knots and I’m having a hard time catching my breath. The wind is howling around me and the sky starts to darken. The clouds roll over me and almost as if on cue the rain starts to pelt against my skin. The drops feel like fire on my skin and soon the tears start to fall from my eyes. Quickly, they mix in with the rain that’s pouring down on me and suddenly the ringing in my ears starts to get louder.
“You were adopted…”
The pain is almost too much for me to handle and the rejection cuts through my stomach and stops my legs. I’m standing there completely alone in the middle of the street, soaking wet. My chest heaves in part due to the exhaustion of running and the adrenaline that’s pumping through me from those three little words. I feel my legs start to tremble and I fall to my knees. The rain continues to pour over my body and the tears start to rack my body, sending chills down my arms. I can’t even breathe and my heart feels like it’s dying inside.
How can those words tear my world apart? How come I can come undone so fast? Why did they do this to me? Why didn’t I know sooner…why let me live a lie? As if it wasn’t possible, my sobs become harder and my arms wrap across my stomach trying to shield myself from the pain. But nothing seems to stop those words from repeating over and over again in my head and I can’t escape. I can’t get away from it…my life…my family…it’s all a lie…
I shoot up from the couch on the bus and I can’t catch me breath. My eyes are wide open and my breathing is labored. Clutching the blanket closer to my chest, I look around at my surroundings and quickly realize where I am. The pain in my stomach is all too familiar and the rejection is all to close to my heart. But once the bus comes into view, I fall back down against the couch.
It was just a dream...
...but it's still my life
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey Everyone...here's another update! I hope you like it and please keep the reviews coming! I love to hear what you have to say!! Enjoy!
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