A beam of sunlight has maneuvered its way through the slits in the curtains and has slowly crept up my body. Its warmth settles over my cheeks and starts to flirt against my eyelids. The light is enough to wake me from my peaceful slumber and reminds me that today is a brand new day. Slowly, my eyes flutter open and adjust to my surroundings, the lamp sitting on an end table, the curtains ending just above the floor, the perfectly made bed with all the decorative pillows still in their correct position, and then the pale blue of a couch cushion wrapped underneath my legs…I don’t remember falling asleep on the couch.
I shake my head slightly in attempt to clear my thoughts and realize that my right arm is wrapped tightly against my chest while my other arm is draped casually over a hard object. My head is resting comfortable against a firm pillow and I wonder how the hell I got any sleep on this rock hard couch. Gently, I push myself up from the back of the couch and my eyes land on a sleeping Justin. Immediately, my jaw falls open and my hand is quick to cover my mouth when the realizations that not only were we cuddled together on this couch but that my arm and head were resting on his chest. Even though I tell myself that this was a complete accident, it doesn’t stop my stomach from dropping to the floor. A rush of heat flows through my body and I feel my cheeks redden in embarrassment.
Justin is lying on his back with his head resting contentedly against the arm rest. His long eyelashes are tickling his cheeks and his lips are slightly swollen from the sleep. His face displays a look of complete ease. I let my eyes roam over his sleeping form from his strong shoulders, down to the way his arm is wrapped gently across my back and to the way his hand lays softly against my waist. I take a moment to just appreciate the beauty of this moment. For one night, he was able to take the pain and heartache away; he was able to lend a hand and heart; in one night, he showed me what it meant to be a friend. I didn’t expect anything from Justin when he came into my room last night, in fact I would have been happier if he just left right away but his eyes conveyed a different story. I knew he wasn’t going anywhere despite my attempts to push him away, that simple fact, meant more to me last night than anything else.
I quietly attempt to remove myself from his grasp and this awkward position without waking him. Slowly, I peel his hand off my waist and set it softly on the cushions behind me. Next, I carefully lift my left leg and let it wrap around his until my foot hits the floor. Spinning on my arm that is still positioned on the couch cushion, my body lifts from his grasp and my legs are left straddling him just a mere inches above his own. A loose strand of hair falls from my ponytail and lands on my face; I whip my head up to push it back and in an instant my eyes are met with his cobalt ones.
“Having problems, Addi?” He asks with a hint of playfulness and a sparkle full of mischief in his eyes.
As if my face couldn’t get any redder from this whole situation, I feel my cheeks practically burning and my head falls until my forehead is flush against his stomach. I take a second to compose myself before completing what I started and remove myself from the couch.
I straighten my shirt out and run my hands over the material before saying anything. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you…err…the couch I mean.”
Justin tries to hide his smirk before he sits up. “Don’t worry about it…I guess we were both a little more tired than we thought.”
“Yeah, I guess…” I say while my foot slides across the floor. My eyes can’t seem to meet his gaze and I don’t know whether it’s the whole sleeping next to him or because I know I let him see a side of me that I never intended him to see that has me embarrassed. I have never left myself open to any kind of vulnerability since my parents so conveniently shattered my life and I’m realizing that Justin holds a bit of power over me in this situation. I don’t like feeling susceptible to hurt and I regret ever letting him see me breakdown like that. I think I was just so exhausted that my emotions took over the logical side of my head and now the consequences of this entire situation is something I will have to deal with.
Justin stands and straightens his clothes out before walking the few steps to stand in front of me. His hand raises and gently tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before letting his hand slowly fall next to his side. “Are you ok with everything that happened last night?”
My eyes dart to the floor and a rush of heat floods to my cheeks. “I kind of have to be ok with it…I mean it happened and I can’t go back and undo it.”
His mouth twitches into a straight line and look of disappointment crosses his face at my words. “Please don’t regret last night…Addison, it is ok to let other people in, you know?”
“Maybe for you or people like Marty and Nikki…but for me, nothing good ever comes from letting someone into my world. Listen Justin, I really don’t want to do this again. Thank you for staying last night and making sure I got the rest that I so desperately needed. But you don’t owe me anything. Really…I’m fine.” I explain and try my best to put a smile on my face.
The skepticism and hurt flashes through Justin’s eyes and I can hear him dispel a huge breath of air. I know I’m hurting his feelings by dismissing the entire event as nothing more than a moment of exhaustion but the reality is I’m scared to death. I let Justin in just enough to show him that I’m not fine, that I’m just this scared, vulnerable and completely broken girl. I’m terrified that he’ll break me down now too…how many times can I break before I’m completely shattered?
Justin doesn’t respond to my dismissal he simply reaches out to pull me into a hug. It’s not an overly touchy hug or one that is meant to comfort. It’s merely a gesture to let me know I’ve got a friend in him.
He pulls away from the embrace just enough to look me straight in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere Addi and I promise if you let me, I can be the friend you remember…just give me a chance.” He pleads and rather than answer, I simply smile up at him. With a quick squeeze of my hand and one last smile, he opens the door and walks down the hall back to his room.
“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep Justin…” I whisper to myself once I shut the door.
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(Later that night)
I’d be lying if said I didn’t spend the entire day thinking about last night with Addison. Even now, a mere fifteen minutes away from show time, the events of everything still plague my consciousness. I can’t possibly say that I understand her pain or can sympathize in any way but I did see a different side to her. She’s built these walls around her heart and she refuses to pull them down for anyone and that’s a scary thought. I can’t imagine what life must be like never feeling like you can trust someone or love someone fully without the fear of getting your heart broken. After last night, I don’t think broken is a strong enough word to describe Addison…I think she’s one second away from being shattered. That thought is frightening and it leaves me feeling protective of her. I don’t care what she said earlier…I know a part of her is relieved to let some of that pain go and let me in. I made a promise that I would be there for her no matter what and I will try my hardest to live up to that because that’s all she really needs.
Securing my ear pieces into my ears, I shake my head trying to erase these thoughts from my head and get ready for the show. Snapping the battery pack onto my belt, I walk out of my dressing room. The hallways wind on forever and the crew is busy pushing carts and wires from one end of the arena to the next. The backstage area is alive and buzzing with people finalizing all of the last minute details. Quickly, I find the entrance to the stage and walk underneath the canopy, passing several crew members and a few sound guys on the way. The crowd roars with excitement and my adrenaline is kicking in at the sound.
I grab my microphone and smooth my suit down one more time before I walk towards the lift but a set of familiar green eyes halt, my movements. Softly, the lamps cast a shadow over her face and the light brown hair curled around her face is all I need to see to know Jessica’s here.
“Hey baby…” She says just loud enough for me to hear over the crowd, once she’s by my side.
I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. “Jess…I can’t believe you’re here…when did you get in? I thought your flight would get in after the show…”
Softly a finger lands on my lips and a smile plays at the corners of her mouth. “I caught an earlier flight…I wanted to see the show…”
I can feel the smile overtake my face and it’s the first time in a long time that we’ve been together with our crazy schedules. Between the tour and her shooting a movie, we just haven’t had the time to be a normal couple. “I’m so glad you’re here baby…”
She nods her head at my words and places a soft kiss against my lips. “Good luck tonight Justin…”
“Justin…you ready?” Marty calls out and I turn to see everyone standing together waiting for me to get the show started. My eyes immediately land on Addison and she’s starring back at the two of us with a look of disbelief but she’s quick to recover and hide it with a smile.
“Yeah…let’s go.” I call out and everyone scatters to their appropriate areas. Swiftly, I give Jess a kiss before walking to get onto the lift with Marty. My adrenaline is shooting through my body once I feel the floor move from underneath me and I immediately forget about everything and focus on the performance at hand.
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My God, this day just seems to be dragging on forever. I guess it doesn’t help that I was up at the crack of dawn and that I woke up practically on top of Justin. But that’s beside the point. The concert tonight was another one for the books and Justin seemed extra jazzed up…probably because Jessica’s in town. I didn’t mean to look so shocked when I saw them hugging and kissing tonight but I guess I was a little taken back by the whole exchange. Also, a part of me was highly embarrassed over the fact that Justin and I accidentally slept together last night and now his loving girlfriend just happens to show up tonight. I suppose that doesn’t make a great first impression…
Anyways though…Marty, Nikki and I are arrived at the studio about twenty minutes ago and are patiently waiting for Justin to arrive so we can practice for the fashion show. Marty and Nikki have been playing some weird game and every so often a loud laugh will ring through the walls. I glance in their direction and smile at the picture those two make. Suddenly, a sharp ring pierces my ears and I reach into my bag to grab the culprit.
“Hello?” I answer while putting the annoying contraption up to my ear.
“Hey Sweetie…” My mom says almost too cheerfully for eleven o’clock in the evening.
“Hi…” I say with a slight roll of my eyes.
“How’s the tour going?” She tries to ask nonchalantly.
“It’s good…we’re actually in the middle of rehearsing…did you need something?” Ok, so it’s not a complete lie…but whenever Justin decides to drag his ass in here we will be rehearsing.
“I’ll make it quick then…I was just wondering how long you’ll be in Memphis for when Justin’s tour swings through…it’s the talk of the town being that the golden boy is coming home.”
Fuck…I forgot that Justin’s tour coming back to Memphis was going to be all over the news there. I can’t really tell my mom that we’re just waltzing through because knowing Justin…he’s going to be hanging around with everyone for that week off. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to spend an entire week in my parent’s house alone with them. “I don’t know what the plans are yet…I have a couple things I’m going to do but other than that…I’m not the tour manager…therefore I don’t know what’s going on when we get back to Memphis.”
“Don’t get smart with me young lady…your father and I are…”
Instead of giving her the chance to go all parental on me, I cut her words off. “I really don’t have the time to get into this now besides everyone’s here and they’re waiting on me…I got to go.” I hurriedly say before closing the phone and shoving it deep inside my bag.
“Making plans with Dave and Kathy for next week?” Justin asks cheerfully and I practically jump out of my skin.
“Jesus Justin…you scared the crap out of me. When did you even get here?” I ask, before looking around at everyone else whose eyes are glued to our exchange.
“Just a minute ago, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you but I couldn’t help but overhear you talking to what I assume was your mother.” He explains sheepishly.
Rolling my eyes, I answer, “Yeah, you could say that…”
Justin’s brows furrow at my answer but he dispels any worry with a grin. “Well, tell your mom we’ll be in Memphis for about a week. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to have you back home.”
The nerves pool in my stomach at his words because I realize I’m about to get trapped in my worst nightmare. “Yeah, something like that…”
“We’ll have to get together one night…I don’t think I’ve seen your parents since our high school graduation when I came back to walk with everyone.” He recalls while running his hand through his short buzzed hair.
“I wish I could say the same…” I mumble and his eyes dart to mine, clearly displaying a look of concern but I brush it off before he can delve deeper into my little slip. “We should probably get going on rehearsing. We only have one day left to practice…”
Justin’s mouth is pulled into a tense smile and I know he’s not going to let that little slip go unnoticed but he can’t argue with the fact that the show is really only two days away and we’re not ready yet. Before he can quiz me on that little fact, we’re already moving into the choreography and the music pulsates throughout the room, clouding any explanation. Hopefully tonight, I can get through the rehearsal and make it back to my hotel room without the help of Justin. That’s the last thing I need, him thinking I need him…I mean…I don’t…really…I don’t…
Author's Chapter Notes:
There's really nothing other than to say I'm sorry for the complete lack of updates...I suck, I know! But I am definitely trying to make this story more of a priority so I hope you will all stick with me. I really am sorry but I hope you like the new update and hopefully you're still reading! Thank you all for the support and I'll talk to ya later!!
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