Hey, the story is alright, but ya need to make it sound more exciting it sounds more of a dreamlike situation than a story, try an elaborate on it, like add more to the chapter then what you have like draw out the chapters more, dont just have it move so fast if ya know what i mean, if you want an example check out my story, it's the same title as yours (completely coincidental) i have been writing mine for a year. but ya it you give the story more thought it will be great, just an idea! advice from one writer to another. -Amber