After months and months of talking about it and weeks and weeks of planning for the perfect moment with her...I, Justin Randall Timberlake, finally lost my virginity to Britney Lynn Spears; my--supposedly--one true love.

I don't know..it's amazing really. I mean, I remember Joey telling me about the first time that he had sex with Kelly and how he felt after the experience..and right now, all I can think of is that, what he felt, and what I feel--at the moment--are two different things.

Maybe because, unlike me, he enjoyed it and probably because, unlike him, I am simply numb because of it.

While sighing at the thought, I turn over and absentmindedly stare at the woman next to me.

'She's so beautiful.' I can't help but think to myself. But then immediately following that thought, I can't help but think: 'She could make any guy lucky to have her..just not me.'

It's not that I don't want her..as a friend that is. But it's that I don't want her as more.

I never could possibly want her or any other female as more.

That's just not who I am. Or who I've ever been.

While sighing at that thought, I move to turn over once more but before I can do so, her eyes open and she hits me with the most worried look I have ever seen.

"J...? What's wrong?"

While staring at her for a full second, I try to quickly think of a lie to put her worries at ease. But after a minute of not finding anything to say, I say the only thing I can think of.

"Brit..I think there's something that we need to talk about."

As a look of panic comes across her face, I know she knows what I'm going to say.

Stalling, she replies: "Can't this wait until later..?" And even though I can hear the pleading tone in her voice, I simply shake my head no before saying: "We need to discuss it now."

After frowning at my comment, Britney sits up on the bed, bringing the sheet with her. "Okay..what is it, Justin?"

Sitting up as well, I let my eyes drift close and then after a second of silent prayer, I say to my girlfriend, the one thing we both know, but never wanted to outwardly admit:

"Brit, during these last couple of years you've stuck by me through the good and the bad. Even when I didn't deserve it, you were there for me being the best friend that anyone could ever ask for..and because of that I think I owe it to you to be honest with you...and myself."

Taking her silence as a push to go on, I open my eyes to Britney's tearstained face and then softly say the two words that I haven't even told my other close friends or family yet:

"I'm gay."