Hmm . . . okay, so the first fic I ever wrote was How Did I Fall In Love With You -- and it kind of . . . well, lacks a certain flair.  Granted, it was written several years ago, but it still lacks something for me.

Telling Her is a rewrite of HDIFILWY, in the style that I currently use.  The story line has changed a bit, the language has changed a bit . . . and I think it just sounds better.

Feel free to tell me what you think!  Feedback is always greatly appreciated.  *grin*

Based on and containing the song “Words I Couldn’t Say” as performed by Rascal Flatts

He sat back on the couch, turning the envelope over and over.

His eyes scanned over the worn places in the thick paper, testament to the many times his fingers had run over it, wearing through the fibers.

His fingers traced the edges, the corners.

The top edge felt weak, evidence of the hundreds – or was it thousands? – of times he’d read the enclosed card.

The invitation.

By now, he had it memorized.

He could picture it perfectly in his mind, right down to the exact looping of the fancy script.

He groaned as that sick feeling settled in his stomach again.

His eyes moved over, fixing on the small RSVP envelope that lay on the coffee table.

He’d never mailed it, figuring that she’d know he’d be there.

He’d always been there.

But then, so had she.

He couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been there.

Maybe he’d taken that for granted.

He sighed, the weariness coming in waves.

He tossed the invitation onto the table and picked up the photo album lying next to him.

His fingers traced the designs imprinted over the familiar cover, trying to remember the last time he’d looked through it.

The memory was hazy.

He shook his head, wondering how this treasure could ever have ended up in a box in a closet at his parent’s house.

He took a deep breath and flipped open the cover.

A smile spread across his face as he scanned over the images that recorded their history.

His mother had taken care to write notes next to each image, so that they’d never forget where they were or what the event was.

As if he could ever forget.

Josh’s eighth birthday.

There she was, directly to his right, sticking out like a sore thumb among all the boys gathered around the table, a huge grin on her face and a SpiderMan cone hat strapped to her head.

He shook his head with a laugh, remembering the bag of water balloons she’d snuck to him, bought with the money she’d stashed back from skipping lunch.  They’d terrorized the neighborhood kids for a week after that.

County fair, 1988.

They’d been sitting in one of the Ferris Wheel seats, a huge teddy bear between them, fighting over the cotton candy he was holding.

Most of the candy had gotten all over them, but they hadn’t cared one bit, pausing to cheese for the camera, bits of pink and blue fluff stuck in their hair and all over their clothes.

Eighth grade dance.

They’d gone together, of course.  They’d been too young to really consider going with anyone else.

She’d been so irritated at having to wear the floral print dress her mom had picked out, arguing that it was a school dance, not Sunday School.

She’d lost the argument, but there wasn’t even a trace of disappointment in the smile on her face in the picture.

His eyes paused on the image, taking in the slightest details of her face.

Even back then, he’d craved her smile.

He shook his head, flipping forward a few pages.

Kate’s Sweet Sixteen.

He grinned, remembering how she’d groaned at it being called her Sweet Sixteen.

“There’s nothing sweet about being sixteen.”  She’d grumbled, unable to wipe the grin from her face.

His fingers traced over one of the photos, capturing her surprise at finding a set of car keys inside a small box.

It hadn’t been a new, expensive car . . . but it had represented a new freedom to her.

He remembered the pang that he’d felt watching her climb behind the wheel, knowing that he wouldn’t be chauffeuring her around any longer.

Knowing that, in a way, she wouldn’t need him as much.

His eyes skipped to the envelope lying on the table.

Now she really wouldn’t need him.

He sighed and flipped over a few more pages.

Everyone had come to the airport to see him off, even though he’d hated the spectacle that the group had made.

He’d gotten hugs from everyone, but the only one in the album was hers.

Probably because it had obviously meant the most.

He sat back, closing his eyes as the image burned in his mind.

There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Josh.”

He pulled her to him, his arms going around her waist to hold her close.

“I’m going to miss you, too, Katie.”

Her arms hugged around his neck and he sighed softly as she rested her forehead against his shoulder.

“I’ll watch every chance I get.”

“You’d better.”

She gave him a tight squeeze when she heard his boarding call.

“I love you, Josh.”

She’d whispered it, but he’d heard her loud and clear.

He leaned down with a smile, kissing her cheek.

“I love you, too, Kate.”

He knew he’d meant it in a completely different way than she had, but it had felt good to say it to her.

He swallowed hard and turned the page.

Kate’s Graduation.

He’d surprised her by flying in for her commencement.

He could still remember how she’d come running through the crowd, gown whipping around her, holding her cap on with one hand while the other clutched her diploma.

“Josh!”

Her smile lit up her face as she pushed through the crowds of people.

“Oh, my God!  Josh!”

She was laughing by the time she made it to him, throwing herself into his arms for a fierce hug.

He paused, studying the picture as though he’d never seen it before.

The smile on his face as he held her should have given him away to anyone standing within a three mile radius.

But the image in that photo wasn’t anything compared to the photo on the next page.

It was his favorite, taken at the cookout they’d had that night to celebrate.

He looked up as a shadow fell across his feet and smiled when he saw her standing there.

“Hey.”

“Hey.  Is there room for two?”

“Sure.”He swung his feet to the porch and patted the seat next to him.“Take a load off, grad.”

She laughed as she plopped down next to him, making the swing move slowly back and forth.

His arm was draped across the back of the swing and she settled herself against him, sighing and closing her eyes as he kept up the slight motion with his feet.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, listening as the crickets chirped through the quickly fading daylight.

“I’ve missed you, Josh.”

He looked down at her and saw that her eyes were still closed.

“I’ve missed you, too, Kate.”

Her eyes opened and she looked up at him.

“It’s just not the same without you here.  I wish you could have been here for senior year.  I wish we could have walked the line this morning together.”

He moved his hand to play with the ends of her hair.

“If I could have been here, I would have, Katie.  But . . .”

“I know.  You’re doing something that you love and I shouldn’t be making you feel guilty for it.”  She sighed, sitting up straight and turning her gaze out over the darkened lawn.  “I guess I’m just feeling nostalgic.”

He looked over at her, taking in the almost sad expression on her face before nudging her with his shoulder.

“Come on.  It couldn’t have been that bad.  Didn’t you have any fun this year?”

She turned her eyes back to him.

“Hmm . . . Homecoming was pretty fun.  Senior prank week was a blast.  And Chad Sanders took me to the prom.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Chad Sanders, huh?  You didn’t tell me that.”  He cleared his throat quietly.  “How did that go?”

“He took me, we danced two or three times and then he ditched me for the cheerleader set.”  She laughed humorlessly, shaking her head.  “Typical Chad, I guess.”

“He ditched you on prom night?”

“Yeah.  I caught a ride home with some other kids.”  She shrugged.  “It was for the best, I suppose.”

“How so?”

“He wasn’t exactly my type.”  She smiled at him.  “I want somebody who’ll tell me that I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen . . . and then make me feel like he means it.”  She shook her head.  “Chad is more the type who wants a girl who accents his good looks.”

“Okay, so other than having a jerk for a date . . . how was it?”

“It was all right.”  She grinned over at him.  “Didn’t hold a candle to eighth grade, though.”

He laughed with her.“Of course it didn’t.”

She sat back and sighed again, closing her eyes as her head met the top of the cushion covering the swing.

“I think I’m just about partied out.”

He reached down and picked up the wrapped box lying on the porch.

“Are you gifted out too?  Because I can always take this back if you are.”

Her eyes opened when he set the long, thin box on her leg.

“Josh, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Yes I did.  Besides, I think you’ll appreciate this.”

She gave him a long look before picking up the box, slipping the ribbon off of it before tearing into the shiny silver paper.

She lifted the lid and covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes widened.

“Oh, my . . . when did . . . how did you . . .”

“Are you kidding?  You’ve been wanting that locket and chain since freshman year.”

Her fingers shook a little as she lifted the gold chain out of the box.“Thank you so much, Josh.”

“Wait.  It gets better.”

He reached out and opened the locket, spreading out the folds so that she could see all three photo spaces.

“You can change the pictures if you want, but I figured these would work nicely to start with.”

“Josh . . . they’re perfect.”

She smiled as her eyes traveled across the pictures, starting with the one of them cheesing for the camera when they were four or five, then moving on to the picture from their eighth grade dance.

Her eyes widened at the last shot . . . a picture of her hugging him this morning after the ceremony.

She grinned over at him before handing him the chain.  “Help me put it on.”

He said a silent prayer of thanks that she turned her back to him at that exact moment, because his hands were trembling, his fingers refusing to work the clasp, and he was sure that his face would have given the whole thing away.

He finally got the clasp together and swallowed hard before tapping her shoulder.

“There you go.  Is it long enough for you?” 

Her hand came up so that her fingers could fold the locket closed before she turned back to him.

“It’s absolutely perfect, Josh.  Thank you so much.”

She leaned into him again and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, stretching up to kiss his cheek, then laying her head against his shoulder.

He hugged her back, tightening his arms around her as he rested his cheek on the top of her head . . . and finally admitted to himself that he’d lost his heart . . .

To the girl who would probably never see him as anything more than a good friend.

Someone had been standing out in the yard and had taken two pictures of that scene.

His mother had enlarged the first and hung it on the wall in his old bedroom.  They both had their eyes closed and looked completely at peace in each other’s arms.

The other was staring him in the face, proving his thoughts in that one moment absolutely true.

She was in the same position, relaxing into his arms comfortably, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed.  He had turned so that his cheek was against the side of her head, his eyes open as he looked down at her, a sadly longing look on his face.

Even now, the mature, possessive look darkening his eyes in the photo floored him.

This one . . . this one he’d enlarged and hung in his house in Florida.

He ran his fingers over the image, trying to remember if she’d been wearing that necklace the last time he’d seen her.

If she had, the pictures had most likely been changed.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that tomorrow was going to be one of the worst days of his life.

The idea of sitting back, watching her walk down the aisle and promise herself to Overton made his stomach turn.

His eyes opened and moved back over to the envelope, his heart twisting once again. 

His gaze fell back on the photo and he sighed.

Every time they’d spoken or seen each other since then, it had been on the tip of his tongue to just come clean with her, no matter what the outcome.

There’d been thousands of opportunities and he’d spent countless hours gathering courage, only to keep quiet, a small piece of his brain telling him that if it was mutual, she would have said or done something by now.

And now it was entirely too late.

He was out of chances and he was going to have to let her walk away.

He picked up the album and leaned forward to lay it over the invitation, a small attempt to cover up the bad with the good.

No matter how it killed him . . . he had to let her go.

He just had to keep telling himself that he’d always have her friendship and that it would be enough . . . even if what he really wanted was her.

He rested his elbows on his knees and let his head drop into his hands, his groan seeming to echo off the walls.

“Hey, bro . . . you okay?”

His head came up quickly and he relaxed when he saw Tyler standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Tyler’s gaze traveled over his brother, then jumped over to the items on the table.

He took in the album and the envelopes and nodded, understanding evident in his smile as he walked toward the couch.

“Josh . . . it’s not too late, you know.”

“Of course it’s too late.  The wedding’s tomorrow.  I can’t just . . .”  His voice trailed off and his eyes widened.  “Wait a second.  How did you know?”

Tyler looked at him in disbelief and plopped down next to him on the soft cushions.

“You can’t be serious.  You weren’t exactly keeping it a secret, Josh.”  He motioned to the album.  “All you’ve got to do is look through those pictures and it’s pretty obvious.”

JC stared at him for a second, then leaned back against the cushions, covering his face with his hands.

“Please tell me that you’re joking.”

“Nope.”

He could hear his brother’s grin in the short answer.

“Who else knows?”

“Pretty much everybody except the one person who should.”

He groaned again, shaking his head.

“How long?”

“Well, I think Mom and Dad have always known.  I’m fairly sure that Aunt Linda has known about that long.  I figured it out when you flew in for her high school graduation.”  His head turned when he heard a muffled curse.  “Hey, man.  It’s all right.  To tell you the truth, I’d be more worried if you weren’t in love with her.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Tyler spoke up again.

“You should tell her, Josh.  She deserves to know.”

JC lowered his hands and stared at the ceiling.

“But what if . . .”

Tyler stood up and ran a hand through his hair.

“You might not get the answer you want, but at least you’ll have given her the chance to decide on her own.” 

He walked across the room and stopped in the doorway. 

“Take the chance, bro.  She might just surprise you.”

JC watched as he turned and headed down the hallway, then sat up straight, his eyes glued to the items on the table.

On the one hand, he could keep quiet and let her go without fighting.

On the other, he could let her know exactly how he felt and leave himself open to not only a broken heart, but the alienation of his best friend.

The first would hurt. 

The second had the potential to shatter his world.

But then . . . there was the chance that she’d choose him, that she had feelings as well.

Could he take that chance?

And if he could . . . how would he do it?

He’d pretty much established that actually speaking with her about it was out of the question.  No matter how much courage he had, his mouth just wouldn’t cooperate.

That left the only other way that he could possibly express himself.

He stood and picked up the album, then tucked the envelopes inside the front cover and headed out of the room and upstairs to his old bedroom, where he closed the door and sat at the desk.

A low rumble of thunder drew his attention to the window, where he could see the rain coming down in sheets.

He opened the album again, turning it back to the photo that was almost identical to the one hanging on the wall over the dresser.

He propped the invitation against the lamp.

For several minutes he simply sat there, listening to the rain, looking from the photo to the envelope and back again.

And then he began to write.

When he finally looked up again, the rain had stopped, the setting sun sending shadows around the room.

He sat back in the chair and rolled his shoulders, then ran his hand over his face.

He picked up the pages in front of him and read them over one last time.

With a small smile, he nodded in approval of the words and reached into the bottom drawer of the desk for a manila envelope.

He slid the pages inside, then flipped to the back of the album, where his mother kept the duplicate photos and negatives.

He sighed when he found an enlarged version of the cookout photo – the one that had inspired him – and only thought it over for a second before sliding it into the envelope as well.

Picking the pen up again, he flipped the envelope over and wrote her name on it.

He laid it flat on the desk, then sat there and stared at it.

Only when the light had grown so dim that he couldn’t read her name did he finally stand and walk out the door and down the stairs.

********************

“Josh!  I’m heading out.  Are you coming early or are you waiting?”

He looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing out the khakis and suit jacket.

“I’ll wait a little while.”

“Okay.  I’m gone.”

His eyes fell on the envelope still lying on his desk and, despite a large surge of doubt, stuck his head out the door to call her back.

“Since you’re going early, could you give this to her for me?”

She looked from his face to the envelope and back.

“You are coming, aren’t you?”

“Yeah . . .”  He heard how unsure his response was and closed his eyes.  “I don’t know.  I just . . . I don’t know, Mom.”

She smiled at him and reached up to pat his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Josh.  She’ll understand.”

“Not if she doesn’t get this, she won’t.”  He put the envelope in her hand.  “Make sure she gets it in time.  Please.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

He watched her walk down the steps and heard the front door slam.

Only when he heard her car pulling away did he walk back into his bedroom and sit on the bed, his head dropping into his hands.

“Okay, God.  It’s up to you.”

---------------------------------------

“Ouch!  Mom, what are you trying to do?  Hook it into my hip?”

“Sorry honey.  I just can’t get the train to hang right.  I don’t think the hooks are spaced evenly.”

“Mom, it looks fine.”

“Kate . . . it doesn’t look fine.”  She stood to stare at her daughter in the mirror.  “Any other woman would be worrying about everything on her wedding day, but you aren’t even breaking a sweat.”  She shook her head.  “There’s no way that you’re my daughter.”

As she bent down to fuss over the train some more, Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Her mother was right.

There wasn’t a nervous bone in her body this morning.

And there was a major reason for it.

Marriage of convenience.

The words sounded so . . . ugly as they bounced around in her head.

But there they were, rearing their ugly head every time she closed her eyes.

She faced herself in the mirror, trying to put a big smile on her face as she was fussed over.

She had the perfect dress, the perfect veil, the perfect make-up . . .

But she still couldn’t even manage a ghost of a smile.

She’d never pictured herself in this position . . . never even thought that she would consider going through with something like this.

She’d met Tim in college, in one of her English Lit classes.

He’d held the door for her, she’d helped him with an assignment or two . . . and they’d become fast friends.

They’d hung out together for the most part, working on assignments together, catching a movie here and there.

But they’d never moved beyond friendly.

She’d never felt that . . . that spark.

Yet, here she stood, quietly allowing her mother to fuss over the train of this dress that she shouldn’t even be wearing in the first place.

She sighed quietly as the words pummeled her yet again.

What was she doing?

She’d never loved Tim and probably never would.

She knew he didn’t love her.

Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t.

What would happen when he finally met someone who could make him happy?

What would happen if they just couldn’t make it work?

She took another look at herself in the mirror, her eyes trailing over the intricate beading on the bodice of the dress.

What were they doing?

This was absolutely insane.

He wanted a wife to bring to company functions, to help him move ahead at his law firm.

“I need a wife to make partner, you need a man who can take care of you.”

He was wrong.  She didn’t need a man to take care of her.

She could take care of herself.

But she couldn’t help it that the man she loved didn’t love her.

Not in that way, anyway.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really.  It was just the way it was.

International superstars didn’t exactly make it a habit to turn down the supermodels for childhood friends.

Her eyes focused on her locket in the mirror and a genuine smile graced her features as she brought her fingers up to touch it.

His graduation gift.

She couldn’t remember a day since the night he’d given it to her that it hadn’t been around her neck.

The photos inside hadn’t changed, either, the ones that he’d chosen being near and dear to her heart.

She’d hoped that it was a sign that he was beginning to see her differently, the he was seeing her in the way she was seeing him.

Of course, seeing him as anything other than the protective best friend had been a real step for her, especially considering their circumstances.

They’d known each other since they were in diapers.

His mother had brought him in to the doctor’s office for his three-week check up on the same day that hers had gone in for her final measurements and tests.

The ladies had hit it off quickly, striking up conversation in the waiting room.

They’d exchanged numbers, and once Kate had been born, Linda and Karen had spent lots of time together.

Mommy bonding, they’d called it.

Naturally, she and Josh had been thick as thieves since they’d been able to talk.

They’d been partners in crime, driving everyone in the neighborhood insane until they were old enough to calm down.

Then they’d hit the teen years.

And things had started to change.

At least, things had changed for her.

Suddenly, she was self-conscious around him, always wanting to look her best, to give a good impression.

His smile began to mean more and more to her.

His hugs had suddenly made her feel more than safe and protected.  They’d made her weak in the knees.

And when he’d left for Florida, it had ripped her heart to pieces.

Granted, he’d come home for a while after the show had ended, but she’d been at college and not able to see him as much as she’d wanted.

He’d called constantly, laughing over how some girl from the show or the tour or the studio had been chasing after him and what did she think?  Should he go out with her or not?

During her many visits to see him, on tour and at his home in Orlando, she’d dealt with seeing the gorgeous women he was surrounded with day in and day out.

She’d grinned and bore it, trying her best to be the supportive friend that he needed.

The phone calls still came at least once or twice a week, and she was still trying to be that friend.

Her fingers came up and ran over the fine lines etched into the locket.

At the tender age of sixteen – more than ten years ago – she’d fallen hopelessly in love with her best friend . . .  and had begun a long walk toward heartbreak.

She’d survived a full decade of loving the man who only saw her as the little girl who could tackle as well as any boy twice her size . . . and she’d finally reached the end of her rope.

So how was she dealing with it?

Marriage of convenience.

The door to the room flew open and everyone turned in shock.

“There’s my girl!”

Kate burst into laughter, her first genuine smile of the day lighting up her face as she stepped down from the stool and moved the few steps into his mother’s arms.

“Aunt Karen!  I didn’t think you were going to make it!”

“And miss this?  You must be kidding!”  The older woman smiled brightly, hugging her tightly before stepping back to take a good look.  “Oh my Lord, honey . . . where’s the little girl who used to push all the kids in the mud playing touch football in my backyard?  Where’s my little Katie?”

“That’s what I want to know.”  Kate’s mother stepped up beside her daughter and pulled her friend in for a hug.

“How’s the mother of the bride holding up?  Feeling shaky yet?”

Both women laughed.

“I think I’m the only one who is nervous.  Kate’s just sitting back like it’s any other day.”

“Really?”  Karen’s eyes narrowed on Kate’s face.  “Not even a few jitters?”

Kate just shrugged and shook her head, once again attempting a smile.

Linda touched her arm.

“Step back up on the stool, honey.  I’ve almost got it hanging right.”

Kate nodded, moving back over in front of the mirror and stepping up so that her waist was within easy reach.

Karen watched quietly, her eyes running over the young woman from head to toe.

Then she remembered the envelope lying in the hall with her bag.

She leaned out the door and picked it up, staring at her son’s handwriting before turning her gaze back to Kate.

The dress was perfect – a white, off-the-shoulder gown that contrasted perfectly with her tanned skin, coming down far enough to cover her feet, the intricate design of the crystals on the bodice sparkling as she moved.

Her hair was perfect – the blonde strands fashioned into a twisted up-do, revealing her slender neck.

Her makeup was perfect – the subtle tones highlighting her cheekbones and bringing out the flecks of green in her brown eyes.

Karen shook her head as her eyes fell on Kate’s face.

Everything looked perfect . . . but the emotions flashing in her eyes were anything but excitement or happiness.

On her wedding day, Kate Stevens had a look of resignation and defeat.

Just as Linda was straightening up with a triumphant look on her face, Tyler leaned in the doorway.

“Half an hour, ladies.”

His gaze fell on his mother, then trailed down to the envelope in her hands.

Their eyes met and he winked at her, nodding before turning and walking back down the hallway.

“Okay, clear out, ladies.  I’d like some time with my honorary niece.”

Minutes later, the two were alone, the door closed to give them privacy.

“Come here, girl.”

Kate stepped over and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly as she tried her best to keep it together.

“How are you feeling, Kate?”

She sighed, stepping back and looking at herself in the mirror again.

“I’m fine.”

Karen raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

“I know you better than that, young lady.  You are definitely not fine.”

Kate just shrugged, turning back to the mirror and smoothing a hand over the bodice of her dress.

“Maybe not . . . but it’s okay, Aunt Karen.”

“Is it?” 

Kate’s eyes landed on her engagement ring and a determined look came to her face as she raised her hand toward her neck once more.

“Yes.  It’s going to be just fine.”

Karen’s eyes came down to where Kate’s fingers were playing with her necklace and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Josh sent this for you.”

Kate whipped her head around until she could see the envelope that was being held out to her.

She took it with a trembling hand, her eyes moving over her name written in his familiar scrawl.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.

“He’s not coming, is he?”

“I don’t know, sweetie.  But I think everything you need to know is probably right there.”

Taking care not to dislodge the fabric at her waist, Kate moved over to a chair and sat down, her eyes never leaving his handwriting.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

She shook her head.

“No.  Stay.  It’s not like you haven’t known since the beginning.”

Her fingers lifted the flap and she paused for only a second before reaching inside and pulling out the pages.

She swallowed hard, bringing her hand up so that she could touch her necklace again, then began to read the letter.

Hey Kate.

Wow.  I guess this is it, huh?  Your big day.

In a way, I can’t believe it. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were jumping on my bed and dancing around the room to ‘Man In The Mirror’.  You always did have the best lip-syncing technique.  I remember your infatuation with Michael J. Fox, too.  No matter what you say, ‘Teen Wolf’ really wasn’t that great of a movie . . . even if it is in my collection.

I could go on and on about the memories, but I won’t.  Because they’re only what they are . . . memories of good times that we had together.  And you’re about to add a few major ones to your list.  Memories – big memories – that won’t include me.

You’ve grown up, Katie.  We’ve both grown up.

And I’m so proud of everything that you’ve become, of everything that you’ve accomplished.

So here it is, the day of your wedding, a day that should be happy and joyous for everyone involved . . . and I’m not even sure that I’ll be able to force myself to be there for you.  It’s an awful, selfish thing, but I just don’t think I can sit back and watch you give yourself to Tim . . . when all along I’d hoped that it would be me.

The breath left her when she read that sentence, her shoulders sagging as she leaned back in the chair and read it a few more times before continuing on.

I know that my timing sucks, that you probably only have an hour or less until the ceremony starts, but a pretty smart kid helped me realize that you deserved to know, so here goes . . .

I love you, Katie.  I’ve always loved you.

Every time I saw your smile, every time you hugged me, every time I heard you laugh, every time your phone number showed up on my cell phone . . . I think I fell a little more.

But I was afraid to let you know, afraid of what it would do to us if I was the only one feeling it . . . so I didn’t.  I kept my mouth shut and tried to convince myself that our friendship was enough.

I fought it for years . . . and now it’s come to this.

You’ve found someone who isn’t afraid to tell you how much he loves you.

And I love you enough to let you go. 

I don’t expect anything from this, but Tyler was right . . . I had to tell you.  After everything that we’ve been through together, you deserved to know.

I don’t know if I’ll be at the church.  I’m just not sure if I can do it.  But you’ll be in my thoughts, as you always are. 

No matter what, we’ll always be friends.  I’ll do my best to be there for you when you need me, even if you just need someone to listen.

I hope for so many things for you, Katie. 

Happiness, success, love.

I hope Tim knows how lucky and blessed he really is.

But most of all, I hope your dreams come true.

Remember to always dream big, Kate.

-- Josh

She bit back a sob, fighting back the tears as she set the letter aside, her eyes widening at the photo in her hand.

It was almost identical to the one hanging in her living room.  She and Josh were sitting in the swing on her parent’s front porch on the night of her high school graduation.  He’d just given her the necklace and they were hugging each other.

But in her copy, they both had their eyes closed.

In this one, his were open and there was a clear view of his face as he looked down at the top of her head.  The small smile on his lips was sad and his eyes . . . his eyes were dark, possessive, protective.

He looked as if he never wanted to let her go.  

She ran her fingers over the image, tracing the lines of his face, taking in the reality of what she’d overlooked all those years ago.

A sigh escaped along with a tear as she laid the photo on her lap, her eyes quickly running over the last page.

In a book in a box in the closet
In a line in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one June
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon 

There it was at the tip of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tongue
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms 

And I let it all slip away 

What do I do now that you’re gone?
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn’t say 

There’s a rain that’ll never stop falling
There’s a wall that I’ve tried to take down
What I should’ve said just wouldn’t pass my lips
So I held back and now we’ve come to this 

And it’s too late now 

What do I do now that you’re gone?
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn’t say 

The words I couldn’t say 

I should have found a way to tell you how I felt
Now the only one I’m tellin’ is myself 

What do I do now that you’re gone?
No back up plan, no second chance
And no else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn’t say 

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to find Karen standing there, holding out a box of Kleenex.

Taking several, she carefully wiped her face as the tears continued to come.  The water-proof makeup wouldn’t run, but she didn’t want to smear it into a mess.

“He . . . he wrote me a song.”

The older woman smiled and took a seat across from her.

“Something tells me that he’s probably written several for you . . .  whether you knew it or not.”

Kate’s eyes bounced from the letter to the picture and back to Karen.

“He loves me.”

“He always has, sweetie.”

“I love him.”

Karen grinned and leaned forward to pat her knee through the layers of the dress.

“I know you do . . . but only the good Lord knows why.”

Kate looked down at the picture once again, a bright grin spreading across her face.

“There are a lot of reasons, Aunt Karen.”  She stood quickly, her fingers fumbling with the hooks on the train of the dress.  “And they’re good ones.  But right now, I need to get out of here.  Can you get Mom for me?”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

She was still trying to unhook the extra material when both ladies came back through the door.

“Kate . . . are you okay?”

Linda stopped short when she saw the brilliant smile on her daughter’s face.

“I will be as soon as I can get out of here.  Would you help me, please?”

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Absolutely.  Tim doesn’t love me.  Even more, I don’t love him.  I’ve always known that.”  She turned to look at the pages lying on top of the envelope.  “Now I’ve got a chance for something better . . . and I’m running after it.”

“I knew something wasn’t right with you.”  Linda was already reaching for the back of the dress, working out the hooks as quickly as she could.  “And whom exactly are we running after?”

“Josh.”  Her smile put a happy ring in her voice as she carefully removed the veil from her head.  “He loves me, Mom.”

“That’s not news to me, sweetie.”  Linda’s voice was muffled as she leaned down and tugged at the material.  “You two weren’t exactly keeping a secret.  It was obvious to everybody except the two of you.”

Kate cast a look over her shoulder, her eyes narrowed and her eyebrow raised.

“And why didn’t you think to share?  That could have been extremely helpful information.”

“You were a teenager, Kate.  Would you have listened to me?  I don’t think so.”  Linda tugged at two more hooks and lifted the train free.  “There you go.  Do you need help getting out of the dress?”

“No time for that.”  Kate was already moving, sliding the pages back into the envelope before gathering up the layers of her skirt.  “Can I borrow your car, Aunt Karen?”

“Of course.”

Karen dug through her purse and found her spare keys, tossing them to her as she stood by the door.

“Be careful, Kate.”

“I will, Mom.  Thanks!”

She gave a quick wave before stepping out into the hall and walking quickly toward the back door of the church.

She was almost to the end of the hall when Tyler stepped out and bumped into her.

“Oh, hey, Kate.”  His eyes widened when he got a good look at her.  “Wow . . .”

“You are a life saver, Tyler.  I owe you one.”

She stretched up and kissed his cheek, flashing him a bright grin.

He shook his head, dazed. Then his eyes landed on the envelope in her hand and he smiled.

“All right!  I knew he’d do it.”

“Kate!  What should we tell Tim?”

She slid the engagement ring from her finger and handed it to Tyler before turning and calling over her shoulder.

“Tell him I’m chasing my dreams.”