I really have no clue why I'm even trying to write in a journal of all things... They just never were something I could utilize, you know? I wasn't good with expressing myself through my own words, on paper no less. However, here I am, giving it a whirl. I'm sorta feeling like I should try and express my feelings in a different way, and I'm always up for trying something new, right? It's not like I don't have more than a few things on my mind, irking me to no end to say the very least, that I can write about. My life is so out-of-the-norm and unusual, yet so is everyone's life in some way, right? Why do people develop superiority complexes? Seriously, it's not like anyone is perfect out there yet people still have the audacity to look down on me, like I'm not worth anything and am in need of some serious help. They treat me like I disgust them or I'm not good enough for them or something. I'm their afterthought. I'm a disgrace. I'm a freak. Hell, I've heard all sorts of titles used to label myself. They think I'm oblivious to it all too. Well, guess what? I'm not. I can hear the whispers as I walk by. I can see the heads do double takes when they see me sometimes. Why can't people just take me for who I am? Do they really know me at all anyway? No. Will they ever get the chance to know me personally now? Ummmm, NO. Not after you act like a dick directly in front of me! I guess to sum my feelings all up, I can say yes - I have walls that are built up now. Now before you say 'not all people are like that,' you go through what I do everyday and you tell me then if you wouldn't have these walls built up too.

Before I go beating up on other people and before anyone actually reading this condemns me as well for not being open-minded and 'accepting everyone's opinion,' you have to understand that I do see where they're coming from when they do such things to me. I mean, I dress, well... different, I suppose. But that's me. Take it or leave it. I like surprising people. I like doing something different, something daring, something eye-catching. It's not like I do it to piss people off. It's how i feel comfortable, and that's all that matters, right? I just never thought it would get me such negative attention. I'm also very blunt and direct. I tell it like it is. You want the truth, well you're gonna get it. I don't put up with fake bullshit so don't expect me to hold up appearances if you treat me like shit. I'm going to let you know what you did and what I think about it. I'm actually very intelligent and like to debate with others about various topics, but some people don't like to question their opinions. It's sad that people don't like to be questioned in that fashion. I like questioning the norm and acting on it. It's something I take pride in. Who wants to be like everyone else? Distinction is key. Looking at it from this light, maybe I succeeded. I must be doing it damn well too for all this negative attention to come my way, right? I have never realized that I like to justify myself and my words until this moment... Sheesh.

I sound like I have a lot of anger inside me. Well, to be honest, I really don't. I mean, my life... I couldn't ask for it to be better. I seriously am very happy with my place in the world and the people who are with me in it. I don't have regrets. I may not have had the best childhood, parenting, friends, etc, but I'm right where I need to be and feel truly blessed to be here. My parents, bless their hearts, tried to keep me tied down and behaved, but I don't sound like a child who really behaved, do I? hehe. Well, no I didn't. I was a hellion, and those are words coming straight from my mom. I was an only child for about ten years so I guess that had something to do with it. I guess you could call me a spoiled brat. I grew up getting what I wanted, within reason of course, considering we didn't have a lot of money. There was only one thing I really wanted to do anyway. I wanted to sing and dance and act.

I say 'one' thing while listing 'three' because they all go hand in hand in what I ended up doing now. I'm in Broadway. Yep, I'm a Broadway actress and not being arrogant I hope, but a good one. A talent agent heard me singing in a mall one day while I was shopping with my mom when I was six (grant it, I was really loud and hard not to notice, but that's beside the point). He thought I was just the cutest little thing. After he met me and talked with my mom and yada yada yada, I ended up getting an audition for being one of the children in 'Annie.' My attitude paid off, and I got the part. I've been in Broadway ever since. I absolutely love it and wouldn't change anything about it for the world.

My parents have always encouraged me in pursuing my career, and enrolled me in various classes and the like. My mom has been at every show. Literally, my mom's never missed one single show, at least the ones I have here in NYC. My dad's been to them too, of course, but there's just something about your momma being there that makes the big difference. Sometimes I don't see how she can watch me do a show a zillion times in a row, but she says she loves it and she's so proud of me and every show I do is different in some way. When I hear her say that, I know I could never ask for a better mom. I love her so much, and I hope she knows that. Sometimes I don't think I tell her enough. She inspires me and is one of my best friends all at the same time. I can talk to her about anything. It's great. Hell, it's a rarity nowadays to find a mother-daughter relationship like that.

Another thing about my family is they don't question my decisions, the way I dress, how many piercings I get, the way I do my hair, why I get mad... It's because they just know. My little brother is the best one with stuff like that though. Oh, I forgot to tell you about him, didn't I? Well, my little brother, Matt, is twelve years younger than me yet I feel he is ten years older. It's hard to put into words why I say that; he's seriously like a 30 year old in a little boy's body. He doesn't see his sister as a freak or some other derogatory name I've been called and don't wish to mention to you. He simply sees me for me. He even looks up to me, I think. Well, I look up to him too. He's a great little boy who will most likely grow into a wonderful man, and I'm happy to have a front row seat watching him do just that. Another sweet thing about him is that he gets pretty overprotective of me if we're together somewhere and he see people treating me rudely.

I think it IS rather funny sometimes when I take him shopping or something though. I mean, he dresses like a normal nine year old straight out of the Gap, and I'm a twenty-one year old who dresses, for lack of a better term, slightly gothic, punk, and/or crazy. You can choose the word you like. No, my face isn't painted white, my fingernails aren't black (I actually never paint my nails really), I don't worship the devil (in fact, I'd consider myself o Christian if asked), etc... I just wear clothes that aren't necessarily deemed 'normal.' For example, right now I'm wearing a pair of blue and black plaid pants that fit just right with a ripped and tattered black tank top that I made myself with a red, black, and silver tie. Oh, and the cutest black boots you ever saw.

I suppose it's more than the clothes right? You probably think my hair is hot pink or something too, right? And my make-up must be outrageous? Hell, no. I would never. My hair's actually light brown. It has some blonde highlights now only because the Broadway show I'm in now, Les Miserables, wanted my character, Eponine, to be slightly blonde in contrast with the other character, Cosette, because we're in this love triangle. Again, distinction. I was more than happy to oblige. I like trying something new, remember? I suppose if I had a choice I would add some black highlights just to be different, but that's not gonna be in the near future, and I probably wouldn't get a stage job with that kind of hair unless I was to wear a wig. It's a little too dramatic and different for the stage people to handle. I guess what shocks people about my hair is I get a little creative with it. I don't overdo the gel or anything, but it's length goes down to the middle of my back and that s more than enough length that I can do things with it that include more than a ponytail. I clip it, knot it, pin it, braid it, loop it, put it in two or more buns, etc. You get the idea. I do wear a lot of dark eye make-up, but it's really only to attract people to my eyes, which I hear are one of my best features. They're bright green. That's nothing completely drastic, right? Well, people see the hair and the make-up with the clothes I'm wearing and go, 'freak.' Well, freak this. [insert obscene gesture here]

I also have quite a few piercings... That probably gets the most attention I suppose. I have an eyebrow ring, a lip ring, a nose stud, three hoops in my upper left ear, 2 regular holes in each ear (well, what's considered the regular), and my belly button. No, I will never EVER get anything else done (AHEM, dirty people out there thinking dirty things and dirty places). I did indulge myself for one tattoo on my lower back of angel wings with a sorta rock vibe to them, like with a heart shape, guitar, music notes, etc. It's really cool. I have thought about getting some more, but it's not that easy when you're a Broadway actress. As it is, it's rather difficult to cover up the one tattoo I have with make-up when necessary. You can't have a lot of what the industry refers to as 'body flaws.' It sucks, but I love my work.

Anyway, that's me. Lil ol' Natalia Burnett. That's what I look like. I've been told I'm very pretty and I have a sexy body and such, but that's mainly from random guys trying to get down my pants when I'm at a club or out in public. I'm not sure how reliable that is, but it's something. I know I'm not fat or anything by any means, but that's only because I eat right and take care of myself. That's what makes me look the way I do. I have an image to maintain when I'm on stage, and I have personal pride in myself to look my best. Whatever. That's not the most important part in life anyway. Looks aren't everything. It's about what's underneath all that that's important. I think that's why I get so angry at other people for just judging me on the surface level, my appearance. So what if I'm bold and I dress a little different to express myself? I have a very caring personality and love meeting new people. I have hobbies, loves, hates, a job, and friends just like other people do. So why is it that people don't respect that?

Ugh. I don't understand why this drives me so crazy. I shouldn't worry about how others perceive me. I know I may come off that way. You know, independent and confident, but that's not always the case. Everyone has their insecurities. I think I like to believe that there is some good in people or something. Then I get mad when people let me down and show me just the opposite. Anger doesn't solve anything, and to be honest, I'm not nearly as angry as I was when I started this entry. I get over this issue pretty quickly now... It's become such a habit. I guess I'm waiting for someone to show me otherwise or something.

Enough about other people. I've dragged it out longer than I can stand. What's going on in my life, generally speaking? Well, I'm currently in the Broadway musical, Les Miserables. Oh my God, I'm completely in love with this story. To top it all off, I'm playing my favorite character, Eponine. Grant it, I played the kid role of Eponine/Cosette as a child, but it's not just that. She's the one who doesn't get the guy and eventually dies, BUT she is the heart and soul of the poor, or 'the miserable' as the title states. It's a wonderful story. I have shows every night except Monday, which can be taxing, but I love it, remember? I'm excited for the one tonight. It's only our third show, and so far thing's have been running smoothly. We have been practicing for the last three months everyday, and we just started our Broadway run for the next three months. I'm not sure if I'll stick around for the US Tour run or not. I haven't decided. It'll probably depend on if there are any better offers. I feel so lucky to be a part of this show or any other for that matter. I don't think I'll ever tire of the rush I get from stepping on that stage and bringing a character to life. It's not everyday you get a role you truly want to play. I've played a couple roles that I hated, and I've lost a few good roles to other people. It's not all glimmer and glitz. There are disappointments in Broadway just like anywhere else.

I do get recognized in the street occasionally by the Broadway junkies who are at every single show, and they are usually all amazed at the transformation from my character that I play on stage to the me outside of my stage life. For the stage, obviously, there are no piercings, my hair is normal, and my clothes are whatever I need to wear for the role. Those people try and look past my appearance because they know I'm doing something with my life and it's not like I haven't talked with them after the shows (the cast hangs around with the showgoers for a bit after every performance) so they know what I'm like to talk to already. They see the real me which is a nice change from all the random stares I usually get.

Even with all that going on and my life in the crazy Broadway realm, I still am sort of holed up and I keep to myself. I live in a huge, two bedroom apartment in the center of New York City. I have to admit, I'm a homebody at heart. I do go out to clubs, but I'm not a big drinker so it's not that often. I just love to dance really. I took dance lessons my whole life. I recently played a dancer in the jail for Chicago which was awesome, and I was offered the same dancer role with the rest of the dance cast for the movie version. 'POP!!' hehe. God, that was fun. It'll be great to see them all again in the next month for the movie shoot too. All the casts have after parties every once in a while so I usually attend all of those. That's one of the coolest parts about being in Broadway. You meet a whole lot of new people each year. I absolutely love my current castmates. They are freaking hilarious. We all have tons of fun together. I don't really even know where to begin.

However, most of this current cast is very settled and has long-term relationships so it's always me as the third party member, if you get my drift. I mean, I'm twenty-one. Like I'm going to be settled down!! I guess I would like a boyfriend. I miss it. Having someone to talk to and be with is just really comforting and nice. Of course, the kissing and affecion is nice too... It's just rather difficult trying to meet a guy when you know they just see you as nothing more than an easy lay. It's true. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I even heard my last date only went out with me for that very reason. Hah! He was surprised after he took me out to dinner... Needless to say, we never reached dating status. In my opinion, I dress different, yes, but what I like to call 'sexy yet not over the top sexy.' I have nothing hanging out, my skirt always covers my ass, but I do show off my stomach every once in a while (it's flat so why the hell not?), and I do wear some tight clothing. Guys seem to take this as being 'easy.' Well, I'm not. I've only been with one guy in that way. Yeah, that's right, ONE!! I also wish I hadn't gone that far with him. I wish I saved it for when I was with someone who was truly special to me. Well, another thing that probably turns guys away pretty fast is that I get really bitchy when I notice guys that I'm chatting with looking me up and down rather than in the face. It's not my fault I happen to notice what they must really want. It's pretty obvious if I'm literally watching some guy checking out my low cut shirt rather than looking me in the eye and getting to know me as a person. You bet your ass I'm going to call you on it! Remember the whole being too blunt issue?

I don't feel I should need to change for a guy either. I want a guy to look at me and smile and appreciate me and listen to me and tell me I look pretty and... Well, I want the whole package. That sums it up rather nicely, don't you think? Wouldn't that be nice? Well, considering the way guys have been acting toward me lately, I don't foresee my soulmate walking up to me in the next day or two. Life just isn't always fair.

Whatever. I'm not gonna let it bother me anymore. From now on, I'm just going to move on my merry way. Well, we'll see about that... At least I made use of my new journal, right? Three hours til show time. Time to go warm up and make myself beautiful for the stage.