Summary: Two sides of a secret love.
Rating: PG-13
Categories: Short Stories
Characters: Justin Timberlake
Genres: Romance
Warnings: adult language
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 06/14/05
Updated: 06/14/05
You Don't by Timberlake
Chapter 1: You Don't See Me
Author's Notes: I glance at my reflection as I tug at various places on my black and white tuxedo. My hair is somewhat curly and reddish from the exposure to the bright Tennessee sun. I'm shaven to a baby smooth feel and my teeth still have a pearly-white glow. I look good, if I do say so myself, but I feel terrible. Today's the worst day of my life.
It's my best friend's wedding.
She has me waiting for her to appear from the chapel's backroom. Every woman I know is helping her with last minute touches before her walk down the aisle. They kicked me out, not wanting to ruin the surprise. It's not like I'm marrying her though, unfortunately.
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
I sat outside the cream colored door and took peaks at my reflection in the small mirror implanted into the stonewall beside me. I'm bored, so you can't really blame me.
But I also want to look good for Gabriel. I know it's a little child-like, but I can't help but think she'll find me more attractive and leave Ryan at the alter. I doubt it though. Gabby's not the runaway type. Once she makes her mind up about something, she sticks to it. I've known her ever since we were five and that has yet to change.
"Okay, she's ready to reveal herself!" The estatic tone of my cousin, Rachel, grabs my attention and I stand up accordingly. I don't even get a chance to blink before she's standing before me. My heart nearly skips a beat when she looks up at me with bright brown eyes and a huge grin. Her teeth were as white as the dress she was wearing and held the same beauty.
The pure elegance of the gown itself was too much for one man to handle. Her thick form was somewhat hidden beneath the flowing material of her dress, but the light design gave her an angelic appearance. Her hair was swooped up into a bun that rested in the middle of her head. Small white flowers created a ring around it before leading the way to her vail, which stopped well below her bottom. A bouquet of white roses, carnations, and orchids blossomed from her hands, which shook nervously as my eyes skimmed over the rest of her body.
"Come on, man," she sighed jokingly, "How do I look?"
I wish I knew where to begin, "You look absolutely gorgeous." The moment the words left my mouth, a light giggle escaped her precious lips. My heart seemed to swell with love as she shyly looked up at me.
"Thank you," she beamed, "You look fine yourself." I laughed nervously as she made her way over to me. I looked up in time to see my mother giving me a knowing smile before she guided the rest of the ladies out of the small area.
"Thanks," I mumbled before she stood on her tippy toes to place a tiny kiss on my cheek. I swore that time stood in that very moment. Her vanilla scent filled my nose as she pulled away.
"I can't believe I'm getting married," she gushed, breaking my heart all over again.
"Yeah, I know," I said softly. She gently rested her hand on mine before holding onto my fingers. The warmth of her was killing me softly as I realized that this is as good as it's ever going to get.
Well, I dream a fire when you're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights
"What's wrong, hun?" The concern in her voice nearly caused me to cry. She did love me. Just not the way I wanted her to.
"It's weird, I guess," I whispered, "You're getting married. I never thought you'd grow up so fast." She smiled at me and swung our connected hands from side to side.
"You're saying it like I'm your daughter, pops," She laughed, "Just because you're giving me away, it doesn't mean I'm abandoning you."
"But things will be different," I told her, "It won't be you, me, and Trace anymore. Ryan and your marriage are gonna get in the way."
"It's not gonna get in the way," Gabby assured, "It'll find a place in it. You and Trace will always be my boys." I wanted to tell her that being her boy was far from what I wanted to be, but the last minute dramatics weren't needed. I wasn't going to ruin her day even though it was ruining my life.
"I know," I gave her hand a squeeze, "I better get inside the church. I don't want anyone thinking we ran off or something." What I would do to make that happen. . .
"Okay," she said, dropping my hand in an instant, "I can't wait to see Ryan." She giddily rushed back into the small room she was in before, shutting the door behind her. I sighed to myself as I turned to head inside. The heavy wooden doors were already swung open as I made my way around the corner. I stopped at my assigned marker and waited for John, my brother, to give a signal to JC to start the music once all the bridesmaids and groomsmen were settled.
As soon as the click of her heels were heard, the signal was given and the soft melody of piano keys began. I have no idea what song was being played, but it wasn't the wedding march. It was a love song that seems somewhat familiar. It doesn't surprise me it's not the typical song though. Gabby wasn't your typical girl.
"You ready?" I whispered gently as I felt her arm hook into mine. Everybody stood in unison and I licked my drying lips.
"Yeah," she whispered back. I gave a tiny nod and proceeded down the isle. Everybody looked at us with cutesy faces and some of our family members were crying. I could see Brianna, Joey's daughter, sprinkling the aisle with a mixture of white petals. Her little pink dress matched the color of the bridemaids' and made her ten times cuter than usual.
Being the giver of the bride was somewhat surreal for me. I never would've imagined that I would freely give up the love of my life. But she was never mine to keep. All I can do is silently die with every step I take.
This is as hard as it gets
'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I don't even realize it, but I'm crying now. Tears are freely flowing from my blue eyes as I struggle to keep them back. I glance over at Gabby and I can see her looking at me through the corner of her eyes. I turn away the moment I see her face contort with sadness.
"Are you okay?" she mumbles, trying not to seem obvious. I want to tell her that I'm not because this marriage is a bunch of bullshit, but I don't.
"I'm fine, babe," I whispered, "You just worry about not trippin'." She giggles and I realize that she's also on the verge of tears.
"Then stop crying," she said softly, "You're making me cry." The smile on her face lets me know that her tears are of joy, rather than distress. I really wish I could say the same thing.
I'm empty and achin'
And tumblin' and breakin'
It really sucks to know that the one you love doesn't love you back. Especially when you know how good they are for you and how perfect you are for them. If I actually had the gull to open up this big mouth of mine and say something other than a mindless fart joke, I'd be where Ryan's at. I'd be watching the most beautiful woman in the world coming toward with tears of joy in her eyes, promising me forever.
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
We finally reach the alter and I'm hesitant to let her go from my arms. I turn to face her, tears still welling up in my eyes. Hers are watery also as she reaches up and wipes away my tears.
"Stop crying," she commands with a smile. I chuckle lightly before brushing away her fallen tears with the pad of my thumb.
"I can't help it," I said as I embrace her tiny frame. My nose nestles in her hair as my mouth rested near her ear, "I love you." I really met that. But she doesn't get it.
"I love you too, Jay." Her whispered words bring me down even more. I know, no matter how much I want it to change, she'll only love me like a brother.
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
After a second, I finally let her go. I take her hand in mine before I take Ryan's in another. As I join their hands, I give Ryan a small smile before I turn back to Gab. She kisses my cheek again before I leave their hands in each other's, fulfilling my duties as the giver of the bride. I can barely make my way over to Trace without tearing up, but I finally make it to my spot on the alter. The priest clears his throat and goes on with the ceremony. Everything seems like a blur to me as I space out when the realization really hits me.
This is it. No more second chances or putting things off until tomorrow. I really let my opportunity go by because I was too blind to realize how I really felt. I spent so much time searching for the perfect woman, but she was right there in front of me.
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
"For as much as Ryan and Gabriel have consented together in holy matrimony and have witnessed the same before us declaring their commitment, I pronounce that they are husband and wife." The preacher's voice rang in my ears as I turned my vision to the newly wedded couple, "You may kiss your bride."
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
I nearly choked on my tears the moment their lips connected and an eruption of cheers, claps, and whistles rang out in the church. I clapped and smiled the best I could, trying to seem as happy as humanly possible. But the whole time they were kissing and laughing at the alter, I couldn't help but think one thing. . .
That should've been me.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
This story archived at http://www.nsyncfiction.net/archive/viewstory.php?sid=8144