He stares out the window. The rain had long since begun and now steadily hit the windshield with a comforting pound of liquid. He barely noticed that his window on to his left had yet to be rolled up. Dazed, his cigarette lay soggy on his thick fingers. It was a rainy miserable day in the hills of Hollywood and all he could do was sit and stare up the street.
He’d heard the news, who hadn’t? He should have expected it yes but the realness had not hit him until he had found himself driving through the familiar neighborhood. Before he had wanted to park closer to her but feared that it would turn ugly. So he continued to drive and had chosen the spot across from a large white metal gate. The trashcans sat upright a foot from his bumper. If he backed up he’d surely hit them. At this precise moment he truthfully didn’t give a damn.
A song came on the radio that made his mood even more sullen.
You build me up
You knock me down
Provoke a smile
And make me frown
You are the queen of runaround
You know it's true
Yes she had cheated on him. Yes he had cheated on her. But she did it to spite him. He did it because he was lonely and wanted to feel alive. It wasn’t right he knew that now but when he was with someone, anyone it was if his world was okay and he could feel his entire being. When she went away his whole body had died. He made up excuses and got smashing drunk for three weeks straight but slowly but surely he woke up.
You chew me up
And spit me out
Enjoy the taste
I leave in your mouth
You look at me
I look at you
Neither of us know what to do
When he had risen from his depression long enough to glance at the papers she had not only gotten over him but had gone off and gotten married. This too was to spite him. He made no show of emotion but inside his heart crumbled. He wasn’t alone. His new “love” made sure of that. But the heartache was still raw.
Later after the marriage had been annulled he thought she would be okay. She was still in his constant thoughts but now he thought he’d be able to move onward and upward. A month ago his mother called him and told him the news. That things had gotten serious and that she might start the rumors a flame. He blew her off. Only to have her come out with a spread in People.
Engaged. Not married but engaged yes. And he knew the guy. He wasn’t a real romeo but he wasn’t the devil either. As much as he tried to hate he could. He wouldn’t , he made her happy.
Lost in his thoughts he didn’t hear his phone ring until his voicemail picked up
“Hey it’s me. Where are you? I’m at Heathrow Airport I’m headed home. I’ll be in at two thirty. Meet me at the gate okay? I love you.”
Cameron. A guys dream girl and he had her. He thanked his lucky stars for her, she was his angel. Crazy and kooky and the same humor as himself. She knew that he was dealing with this and had no concerns. He really was more lucky that he thought. And it wasn’t like he didn’t love her, he did. The photos and articles weren’t fake, he really was in love with her. And sitting here half a mile away from his ex lover’s house didn’t qualify as maniac did it?
He woke from the fog and threw the cigarette on the street. He rolled the window up and turned the volume up. Very carefully he pulled out of his spot without hitting the trashcans and made his way back down the hill.
She would get married, and he would be happy. He would be happy for himself and for her. He still remembered the days they shared and the nights they spent. How she would always sigh in happiness in his arms. And now her new love would experience all the wonder of her.
He smiled inwardly and realized he had his own love to return to. The rain still poured from the sky leaving traces on his car but he just ignored the weather and sang along.
There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find a new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied 'till I'm under your skin
Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe anyway
So come to bed It's getting late
There's no more time for us to waste
Remember how my body tastes
You feel your heart begin to race
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